#this is nowhere close to what I'd put them in though cause this doesn't feel very Loop-y to me

[old-desert]

Trying to remember how to Clip Studio Paint again

featuring: Loop

#isat #in stars and time #isat loop #my art #desert art #art tag #problem at hand: I like how I stylise Loop's eyes but the shape is very hard to replicate #solution: trying to simplify the way of drawing it #because I can't do it in one take unlike in traditional (my hand is better trained for traditional) #the last img is just me beaming self-indulgence because I want to give Loop post-game clothes but I NEED THEIR STAR TO BE OUT #this is nowhere close to what I'd put them in though cause this doesn't feel very Loop-y to me

[theerurishipper]

how would a redemption arc work for azula? because like you said, azula isn't even close to the realization that she was wrong. what kind of major event would it take for azula to realize her genocidal ideals were wrong? how would zuko react to her change? because I dont want zuko to accept it right away for obvious reasons.

I'm not exactly sure how a redemption arc would work for Azula. I much prefer her the way she is in the show, a tragedy to illustrate how being abused can sometimes turn you into an abuser yourself. If she were to have a redemption arc, it should be away from anyone' influence. Away from Ozai, because obviously, and away from Zuko as well. I think it would be good way to illustrate how a victim does not have to help their abuser, and it would give Azula the opportunity to find herself without exacerbating her inferiority complex when it comes to Zuko. I feel like if he was always around to help her, she'd learn nothing about personal responsibility. Even Iroh didn't help Zuko when it really came down to it, and Iroh wasn't even Zuko's victim in the way that Zuko is Azula's. But anyway, I'll give it a go.

Maybe I'd have Azula travel around the world, learning more perspectives kind of like Zuko did. I do think it would be harder for her to do than it was for Zuko, but I think being forced to confront the world and every perception of it that she's had would help her on the road to becoming a better person. The same way Zuko did, she should go on a journey by herself, having to struggle to find food and shelter, struggling to get by. She once thought she was so capable, so powerful, but she's struggling. She put all her value into being the best firebender, a prodigy, a raw talent that she was born with, the divine right, but she can't see any of that now. Her natural firebending isn't coming to her aid here. It doesn't bring her food, it doesn't bring her shelter, and it doesn't bring her any help. She's so hungry and tired... she can't even firebend that well at all, can't conjure up her flames as strong as they used to be.

It's almost as though her skill, her expertise in fighting with fire... isn't as important or useful as she thought. It doesn't matter as much as she thought it would. It leads to her needing to reevaluate everything she knows, because if what she believed was most important really isn't... then what is important? What makes her worthy, what makes her special?

And when she comes across people who are suffering the same way she is, instead of scoffing at them and dismissing their pain like she once would have, she sees herself in them, and she understands them. And she also begins to understand that her father, and she by extension, did this to them. It sits wrong with her, now that she knows what it feels like. She's already beginning to realize that maybe her divine right isn't all that she thought it was, but she clings onto it anyway, because it's the foundation of her worldview, and without it she has nothing.

Azula keeps on travelling, she meets more and more people. I think it should be the Earth Kingdom that she travels in most, because it's where she caused the most damage to the people, it's the place she wanted to burn to the ground, and now she's forced to travel there.

And then maybe, on her travels, she stays with a family one day, who let her in out of the goodness of their heart. She scoffs at them for being so weak, so naive, but she's tired and hungry and has nowhere else to go. While she's staying there, she happens upon a scene where one of their kids is getting hugged by their mother, getting a kiss on their forehead or something, and she can't help but remember her mother doing that to her, and she can't help but remember that her father never did. And her mother was weak, and her father was is powerful, but... the kid looks so happy. And so was she, back then, when her mother showed her she loved her. But she didn't love Azula. She didn't.

But did she? Could it be that she really did love her?

Azula runs away from them in the middle of the night.

Because sure, it's a worthless display of affection, so far removed from power and fear and everything her father taught her to be, everything she strove to emulate. And they're just Earth Kingdom peasants, after all, what would they know about who she is and what she's destined for? But she can't help but think about the joy in that child's eyes, the loving way his mother looked at him, like how her mother used to look at her, how she used to feel so special when her mother stroked her hair and gave her a kiss on her forehead. Even Azula can't mistake what the look in that mother's eyes were. And if it reminds her of her mother... was her father wrong? And if he were wrong about that... what else could he have been wrong about? Her, raw talent, her divine right which she's already questioning?

And those people... they had no power. They had no money, no glory, no superior bending ability, but... they were so happy. And as long as she can remember, her family wasn't. Of course, maybe that was Zuko's fault for being so weak, her mother's fault for being so weak, her uncle's fault for being so weak... but this family has nothing, nothing like she did, and they're still so loving, so happy. And she still can't shake her faith in her father entirely (though it already began, back during Sozin's Comet), but... maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep in her heart, she's forced to admit that maybe she would liked this a lot better. Her father never did this... but maybe he should have.

She keeps travelling. Some people help her, some turn her away. She understands both of them. She would turn away anyone who came to her for help. They never were worth her time. But now she's on the other side, the one in need of help. And the people who help her, once she would have called the naive and weak and foolish, but they are the ones who help her stay alive, who she depends on. She's starting to realize who the better person is, between these two. When it comes down to just being a person, stripped of wealth and power, who it's better to be. Her father always said these things to her, and she believed it for the longest time. She did everything she could to be on his right side, to be like him, to be better than her brother... but ultimately, in her time of greatest need, none of it matters. What's really helping her is kindness, is compassion, the things she derided and scoffed at. In the fact of the harsh reality, she has to admit that her father is wrong. She can't deny it anymore.

Maybe she happens upon a refugee camp at some point, and she sees these people suffering, with nothing. She used to believe that weakness led to your own suffering, and that it would never happen to her. Zuko brought his fate upon himself, after all. Iroh lost his son because of his weakness. Her mother was sent away because she was too weak. But Azula sees these people, there people who have nothing because everything they had was burnt away. She would have blamed them too, but she's also spent so long feeling helpless, realizing that when it comes to the world outside the confines of her majestic royal palace filled with luxury and comfort, that not everyone has that kind of power, even her. Especially not her. And she knows, just as surely as she knows that she wanted the fire that destroyed their homes to be lit, she knows in the depths of her mind and heart that this is their fault. The fault of her father, and her own. Just like what happened to Zuko was her father's fault.

And they still help her, believing her to be one of them, someone who has been hurt by the Fire Nation like they have. And for the first time, she feels that she doesn't deserve their help. She doesn't deserve their kindness. She's horrified by the true reality of her actions and their consequences, horrified by what she's done.

And then maybe someone recognizes her. And then people are drawing weapons and trying to defend themselves. They all come together in hatred for her. In fear of her. It's what she's tried to achieve for so long, to subjugate these people, to rule them, to make everyone fear her. But she sees them come together, fearing her, and she only feels sick. There are children crying, somewhere, and for a second, she sees Zuko in his place, crying, half of his face burnt off-

She runs. She can't deal with this. Some people chase her, trying to take her down, because they're so afraid of her. She's never truly been confronted with such raw hatred before. She thinks of all the children, with burns on their skin, and thinks of Zuko, his face burning, and she thinks of how she had smiled. She thinks of her father, teaching her all sorts of falsehoods about power, and worthiness, and how she knew, she did, that it would only last as long as it pleased him. She thinks of that family, happy and loving, and how much better it seemed compared to her own family. She thinks about how so many other families have been the same way. She thinks about how even the people in this camp, who are so hurt and powerless, were ready to fight her to protect their family.

She thinks about her mother, who was the one who really loved her. Realizing her father was wrong also brings about the realization that she was wrong about her mother. That her mother was trying to protect her. From her father. The man who would burn the face of his son, all because he wouldn't fight his father. Who treated Zuko like he was worth nothing because he couldn't bend as well as her. Who treated her like she was worth something only because she could bend her fire better, the same bending ability that she's realized is ultimately meaningless, which doesn't matter when it comes down to the realest parts of the world. Who fed her lies and treated her like a tool, because he saw her as a weapon, not a daughter. He never looked at her the way her mother did. With love. He just wanted to use her, and he cast her away when he was done with her. Just like he did with Zuko. She wasn't special, she wasn't born lucky, she was just more convenient, and he used her and discarded her like a cheap toy.

And she has to admit, that fear isn't the answer. She's seen people now, people who are more afraid of her than anyone has ever been before. They should be running away. But they don't. She thinks about these people, who she thought were weak, but really, they are stronger than her, because even in the face of fear, they fight. Because they have love, and that's always been more powerful. Just like Zuko. Like Mai and Ty Lee.

Her mother wouldn't have done what her father did. She would have helped Azula. She tried so hard to. Her brother tried too, as she fought him and relished in his pain. So did her uncle, while she spurned him and wished him dead. So did these people, even though she wanted to burn them to the ground not so long ago. Her father was well on his way to do it. Burn down their homes, kill these people, some of whom are her age too. And she suggested it, she wanted to be by his side, like it was some game, some glorious quest.

Her father is a monster. So is she. She's always laughed it off, believing her mother thought that about her, and trying to pretend it didn't matter. But it does. Now it does. She's always known all this, somewhere in the depths of her mind, her mother's teachings had left a mark, but she can no longer run from any of it anymore. It's the truth. She's a monster, and for the first time, she feels remorse. She can no longer hide behind her belief of superiority, of her divine right to rule. She feels guilt, the way she did on that day, before she lost everything she once thought mattered, when her mother looked at her and said I love you Azula. I do.

From then, she keeps travelling. She tries to avoid people. She doesn't dare face anyone, for fear of what rejection she might face, especially because she now knows she deserves it. She doesn't deserve their help or their support. Not these people, not Zuko or Mai or Ty Lee or her uncle or her mother. And as she's going on like this, she sees some people one day, shivering in the cold, trying to light a fire and failing. She's also cold, so she lights a fire. But the fire in her hand is blue, like ice, too hot, too much. So, for once, she stops focusing on making her flames the hottest they can be. The flame in her hand cools down, and now it's a warm yellow glow. And then she actually feels warm, not just on the outside but in her heart as well. And she looks at these people, and she knows how they feel. She knows what she'd want someone to do for her if she were in their place. So, she lights their fire with a flick of her wrist. They don't see who she is, they don't even notice her. For all they know, they managed to light it themselves. But they look so happy, so content, so warm. Because of the fire. And she didn't even use it to fight. Her fire is helping people, making them happy. Maybe it's not just good for fighting.

Just like her.

She knows in her heart that this is what her mother would have wanted. Her mother who was right all along. So, she goes on doing this, secretly helping people. Lighting their fires, their torches. It's small, but it clearly means a lot to people on cold days and nights. And they never notice her. But she's surprised to find that she doesn't need or want the attention anymore. Just the fact that she helped makes her feel the warmth she thought respect and power would get her.

And so, she doesn't just help with her fire. She tries to learn new ways to help. She tries to learn how to treat wounds, especially burns. And she finds so much more fulfillment in this simple work than she ever did in plotting against her brother and planning to burn down the Earth Kingdom. And it's not even just because of her mother's words anymore. Her mother was right. This is something she wants. She still struggles sometimes with doubts about if she's wrong now, still struggles with feelings of resentment and anger towards the people she knows don't deserve it. She still feels small when she thinks about her father, about what he'd think if he saw her like this, even though she's realizing he doesn't matter. But she's getting better. She feels better than she's ever felt.

And then she ends up in Ba Sing Se, and then Zuko is there. With Iroh. And the Avatar and his friends. Zuko spots her. She runs. Zuko chases her. She didn't mean to run into him, but he's coming after her. Zuko confesses that he was worried about her, that he's been looking for her. And she's shocked that he would, even after everything. Because even now, she can still see the wariness in his eyes, the slight nervousness in his posture, the way his friends stand tall behind him, making less of an effort to look concerned, even though they don't look completely antagonistic.

So Azula does the one thing she's always been running from, something she knows she has to do but has never been able to. Admit to her mistakes. Apologize. She still wants to run, but Zuko is here, he's been looking for her, and he's worried about her. She would have felt, and a part of her still feels, anger towards Zuko, still blames him unfairly. But she's grown to recognize it for what it is. And so, she says to him I'm sorry, the first time she's said the words and truly meant it. He looks shocked, but then smiles, and says I forgive you.

But she can see he doesn't, not really. She can see now, how much he loves her, how much wants her to get better, how much he appreciates her sincere apology. How much he wants to forgive her. But she can still see the doubt, the pain and fear in his eyes that she caused. She can see the resentment and the hurt. She's not blind to it anymore. So she says, no you don't. And when he steps forward, tells her to stay, Azula, I don't want to lose you, she tells him that it's best for the both of them if she leaves. And maybe one day, she'll come back, when she's become better, enough to truly begin to make up for what she's done to him, and he can truly forgive her. And he smiles, and says good luck.

So Azula goes off to do more good things and learn to heal herself and find her worth, and then they meet and can actually be a decently stable family again. Or not, YMMV.

Thank you for your ask!

#ATLA #Avatar: The Last Airbender #Avatar The Last Airbender #Zuko #Azula #Ursa #Ozai #Iroh #Mai #Ty Lee #ATLA Azula #ATLA Zuko #Asks #So yeah #This got longer than I thought #It just sorta got away from me

[mhbcaps]

I was tagged by @miss--river @pinkyjulien and @wraithsoutlaws and this time I'm actually doing the thing I was tagged in XD thank you! If anyone hasn't been tagged yet, do it and say I tagged you - I mean it!!!!

OC INTERVIEW

🟦🟪 David Lozano & Viggo Day

▪ NICKNAME:

"Can call me V."

"What about that adorable nickname Heiress has for you?"

"Oh, yeah. Old lady I used to train with, she calls me Big Blue. What, you think that's cute?"

"I do, I love it! I'd call you that too but it feels like a special thing just for her. Like how your mom sometimes calls you--"

"Yeah, and this is Gogo, 'cause they never know when to fuckin' stop."

"That's me!"

▪ GENDER:

"Hell if I know! Just write down n/a. Or, no, write down "fun"! I'm not a boy or a girl, I'm fun."

"Could also write down "loud.""

"That too. And you're cis."

"Yeah. That's the one where you stuck with whatever they wrote on--yeah. Cis male."

▪ ORIENTATION:

"Oh, I like anyone who's got muscles and looks good doing manual labor. Like, all strong and sweaty. No, seriously! Not everyone looks good like that. Like, V does, but Sanctuary--our friend Sanctuary--wouldn't. They're hot too, though. Is it weird to say I'm attracted to anyone who looks like they can provide for me? Or like, kill someone for me. I wouldn't want them to, but... y'know."

"...Right. And I like men."

▪ NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY:

"Ah, shit, I always get confused by this."

"Nationality is your country, so we're both from the NUSA."

"Right, and ethnicity is like... your culture?"

"Yeah, without getting too complicated. So you're Mexican."

"Little bit of Italian, too. Had a Nonna when I was a kid. Been dead a long time, though."

"You're depressing them!"

"You're about to make it worse. Go on, kid, tell us about your family."

"They don't need to know the sordid details. My dad was Chinese, but my mom's family and the clan raised me, so I'm closer to Mexican. See? Not depressing at all!"

▪ HEIGHT:

"My heels are deceiving you, I'm only five-two."

"Five-ten."

"Ooh, so close to six."

"And you're nowhere near it."

▪ STAR SIGN:

"Misty keeps tellin' me and I forget every time."

"You're a Capricorn, and I'm an Aries. You know both our symbols have horns? Oh, new tattoo idea!"

"I'm down."

━

▪ FAVE FRUIT:

"Have you ever even eaten a fruit? Like a real one?"

"Kerry gave me a mango, one time. It was okay. I like the fucked up little strawberries we have here more."

"Oh, I love those. Yeah, strawberries for both of us."

▪ FAVE SEASON:

"I love summer, but the heat makes me really sick if I'm not careful. So spring, I guess. Before the temps get too high."

"Winter, I think. Quieter in winter."

▪ FAVE FLOWER:

"Poppies! Look, I even have them tattooed. I adore poppies."

"Roses. No reason, I just think they're pretty, I guess."

"That's a reason!"

▪ FAVE SCENT:

"Hm. What's the scent you use, V?"

"Sandalwood. Dunno what that is, but it's what the lotion bottle says."

"Okay, then sandalwood."

"Really?"

"Well, I like a lot of smells, but you're what came to mind first."

"Man, now I don't wanna say mine. 'Cause it's not whatever you're wearing."

"You don't like my perfume?"

"It's not bad, it's just not my favorite. I like vanilla."

"Ooh, vanilla is good. Especially when it's all warm."

━

▪ COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE:

"This one roasts me all the time 'cause I like brown sugar in my coffee. Like they don't put syrup in theirs."

"Okay, I do not roast you. I just have to point out that it's weird. Every time."

"See?"

▪ AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP:

"Oh, I sleep like a rock. Usually at least 6 hours, but I'll nap during the day, too. Especially when it's hot out."

"Not many."

▪ DOG OR CAT PERSON:

"Cats. Glad they're starting to make a comeback."

"Me too. Some areas that my clan would camp in had a feral dog problem, so I've never liked them. I haven't met many cats, but they've all been chill."

▪ DREAM TRIP:

"I'd love to visit somewhere tropical. Someplace with a clean beach and nice water. Or somewhere snowy. Doesn't Japan have both?"

"Fuck if I know. I'm not really into traveling these days. Seen enough of this planet."

▪ NUMBER OF BLANKETS THEY SLEEP WITH:

"Oh, this is a funny story. V and I used to live together in this horrible little one-room apartment, and I had to get rid of my mattress because something chewed a hole in it, so V let me share his bed until I could get a new one."

"Couldn't let you sleep on the floor. Would've been eaten alive by the roaches."

"It was still really sweet of you. Anyway, I guess he got used to having me there, and after I got a new mattress and went back to my bed, he kept getting more pillows until there was a human sized pile under the blanket."

"How do you know it was 'cause of you? Maybe I just like havin' a lot of pillows to choose from."

"Okay, okay. Sure. If that helps you sleep at night."

"Nah, my sixteen pillows help me sleep at night."

"Wait, shit, they were asking about blankets, weren't they?"

▪ RANDOM FACT:

"You say one about me, and I'll say one about you."

"Hm. Gogo has a degree in mechanical engineering. Or most of one, right?"

"Well, we don't really have degrees, but I was working on my specialization when Augie got registered and we went static to take care of him. So, yeah, close to a degree. I would've had a special patch on my jacket and eventually been part of the logistics team."

"You ever regret not finishing?"

"No, Augie's more important."

"Yeah. I get that."

"Now, a random fact I know about V, is his favorite meal ever is fried polenta and spicy sausage."

"Yep. I'll never turn that shit down."

"And I like it 'cause it reminds me of cooking in camp with my clan. It's good stuff."

"Yeah."

🟦🟪

#david #gogo #long post #old pic bc I'm on my phone at work LOL

[moonsquaremars]

I've had an extremely turbulant emotional life, which I can attribute to many different astrological aspects + placements I have.

It's been strange coming to discover as I get older how much of my world is inside my head, though. How many times I've assumed something, had meltdowns, only to later find out 90% of it was in my own head.

Moon square mars, like my blog suggests. My other blog was sunsextilemoon, but after tumblr flagged my account for adult content, I figured it was best to start over so I could still have reach.

Moon square mars makes one passionate and headstrong. I read that it is similar to the relationship between Cancer and Aries. Cancer, the emotionally nurturing, sensitive, going head to head with the impulsive and self expressive Aries. Aries was always one of my least favorite signs. My sun is in cancer, and moon in virgo. I've always been surrounded by Saggitarius, that's my favorite sign. But I always saw aries as childish and insensitive. I had a roommate, coworker, and someone who has become a best friend who is an aries. So my aries prejudice has been tamed a bit.

I would attribute my intense anger problems to my moon square mars. I don't struggle with it so much anymore, but as a kid, if somebody accidentally hurt me, I would come back at them twice as hard. Like ruthless. I also constantly struggle, on a day to day basis, with this inner conflict between what I 'feel' like I need to do, vs what I want to do. I usually let want win. Sometimes I can get too lost in my feelings, I guess because of my 12th house sun.

Moon Square Pluto.

This aspect I think gets me in a lot of trouble. It's not intentional, of course. But I definitely feel the emotional block. I will be fine, things will be going alright, then out of nowhere, a wave will come and completely knock me off balance. I'll get so overwhelmed and almost hysterical. Sometimes just super moody. and then when it's over, I'm like, what the hell happened? there doesn't seem to be a concrete cause or trigger. It just happens. I'm 27 and it still just happens.

The 12th house placement I think is a blessing and a curse. I sense the strangest of things, and have spiritual gifts. but I've been to the psych ward more times than I can count, and my daddy a crackhead who is also a 12th house sun. I love him of course, but the 12th house energy is obvious. His house has a feeling of being a hut on a deserted island, yet it's in the middle of a subdivision surrounded by other houses. He just gives me tom hanks castaway vibes, even when he's surrounded by society.

I take various drugs and medications to help tame my turbulant emotions and achieve my goals. I do weed often, because it helps with my temper. I'm also extremely impatient. I feel like weed puts me in touch with my moon. You'd think that'd be a good thing, but when your moon squares your mars and your pluto, it can cause some problems.

I also have Sun Square Saturn, which quite honestly, is a PAINFUL placement.

I've had terrible, terrible, terrible depression for most of my life. Completely sucks the life out of me. Apparently saturn can deplete the energy of the sun, and I get depleted baby.

I went to a church service on time, and the preacher said something about "misery being a ship that needs to set sail, instead of being avoided" and that really healed me. I feel like I got so scared of my depression, my own mind and thoughts, I would run around manicly just doing WHATEVER I could so I would not feel that way anymore. I was so scared of it. But sometimes you just have to sit with yourself and your emotions, and grit your teeth.

In all I feel like my sun sextile my moon really saves me. It gives a balanced personality, since the ego and the emotional nature are in such harmony. It's funny because my dad, close friends, and boyfriends almost always have sun trine moon. My little sister also has sun sextile moon. If it weren't for this, I'd probably be much worse off...

#12th house #moon square pluto #moon square mars #sun square saturn #sun in 12th #sun sextile moon #astrology notes #astrology blog #astrology

[yanderefairyangel]

Ok since the topic of localization have become very heated I'd though I give my opinion.

So I already made 1 post explaining the whole thing about my opinion regarding localization changes because some changes are sometimes inevitable.

Translation isn't about translating as close as possible to the original sentence, but as close as possible to the original meaning.

For example, in FEA, Owain and Inigo have a support conversation where Inigo pokes fun of Owain's chunnibyo antics and they end up saying this :

アズール : ふっ、君はわかってないね。失敗を恐れては何も学べないだろ？ましてや一人で悶々と 技名なんか考えてたら、学べるものすら学べないのさ！！

Inigo : Hmph ! You don't get it. If you are afraid of failure, then you will never learn anything, right ? (said the man who is to shy to dance)If all you are doing is worrying over which name giving to a weapon, then you will never be able to learn anything !

ウード:���前だって、活かせた試しなんてないだろ！

Owain : But you are speaking of something that never taught you anything !

Meanwhile the localization :

Inigo: You're guaranteed to lose 100% of the jousts you never attend, my friend. Perhaps you should name your next move, "Eternal Chastity."

Owain: Sure, why not? I've got the perfect teacher for it right in front of me!

Ok so here, the translation changed some of the lines in order to make them feel more dynamic. Owain is supposed to say something snarky, but whilein the jpn version it seemed enough, in English a literal translation would have been too flat.

So instead the localization just focused on trying to connect the line in the context to make it seems more natural. What Owain in the pg is saying is that Inigo isn't really the one that should be talking about learning something when his own experience lead him absolutely nowhere since he never succeded in getting a date so he doesn't learn from his failure at all. So they took it and came up with this genius line.

That for example is a good change cause it makes the dialogue feel more lively and natural and it doesn't change the meaning of what's happening, Owain is still roasting Inigo. They took in account the nuance and what the text was trying to exprim when making this change so there is no reason to complain about something that is done like that.

Same with for example, Rafal calling everyone "you" whereas in japanese he only calls people by their first name. In japanese it's supposed to show Rafal is irreverant, but in English we call everyone by their first name so it doesn't work. Hence they opted for him calling everyone "you" to restore this feeling.

This isn't a one way around. If you translate from english to japanese as well you will have to make adjustement to sound more natural.

For example, the English : You miserable wretch ! can simply be rendered by 貴様 ! In a same way, if you speak in japanese, you will see that you don't need to use the prounons "you"and "I" nearly as much as in English.

Example : "You are such a sweetheart" in japanese can be said as either あなたはとても素敵な人です or サムはとてもいい人です if the person you are talking to's name is Sam, because it can be seen as rude to use "you" in japanese so they usually prefer to use the first name of the person. And you might even add an honorific depending on the context of the relationship.

Sometimes, the best way to translate is to find a way to adapt with the original meaning rather then sounding to literal.

Example :

別人？でも、あの包帯は私が巻いたものです。

あれは一体・

literaly : Is it another person ? No, she is wearing the bandage I putted on her. What on earth is this ?"

That's what Alear is saying in chapter 10 of the game when they realized that Veyle was the hooded girl. I already covered that this was because Veyle was changing her speech. But since they are gone in translation, saying this no longer makes sense. The localization hence went for :" No, it can't be. But... that's the bandage I used to dress her wound"

Personally I would have translated it as " Why is she acting so differently ? I can't believe it's the girl I put a bandage on some say ago" because it's what Alear mean in reality : they are confused as to why Veyle acts so differently that they can scarecly recognize her

#fire emblem engage #fe engage #fire emblem #fire emblem awakening

[mocha-gladiator]

Release the info dump doc of Typhon and Rhoda pleaaaaaaase

ok but you have been warned this is literally just a jumble of Notes and Ideas this is not a story and it is not polished At All this was intended for my eyes only but here u go

(Continuation of comic, starting where the last one left off)

"Have you tried eating?"

"Yes, for fomal events. I purge it afterwards, though. It...feels strange to me. I can't use the goods the way you do."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know. I've never heard of someone being sent here and living. Save for short missions."

"Well what did you do to upset your god? Maybe you can ask forgiveness."

"I...don't think that they will accept. I refused to attack during a guard assignment and one of my own was killed because of it. I'm a shield guy, not a warrior. I'd gotten by with it until then, but...I'm a pacifist. I'm useless to them."

--

Typhon gets weak after the third day and, thinking he's going to die, rhoda lays down beside him and holds him like a teddy bear, comforting him. The next morning he is nowhere to be seen and she assumes his kind will dissipate when dead, but he later wakes her with quite a fright, as he is now his full height and very excitable. This summons her bodyguard from outside her room.

Typhon's arms are on either side of the bed, on the floor, and yet he still hovers over her in an awkward position as the door opens.

The guard points his spear at typhon before rhoda can call him off. Typhon is more confused than anything at the threat. After things calm down, he takes the human's helmet off and pets his head.

"Lady Rhoda??"

"Typhon, stop. He doesn't like it."

"Oh."

Once he stops, he offers the helmet back, tiny in his massive palm.

Typhon sits on the bed and it creaks under the weight. The mattress flips up at either end, causing Rhoda to slide against his side making a wide-eyed expression. After a moment she notices how soft his feathers are. She explains who the guard is and gives his name. He is an attractive man without the helmet, which he has stowed under his arm for the moment. Typhon introduces himself.

"So we're in the same line of work," he says, much to everyone's confusion. He gives a strange salute. "Nice to meet you, [x]."

at this point, Rhoda can no longer stand it and reaches up to run her fingers through the soft down, causing typon to still and close his eyes. After a moment, he starts to emit a soft rumbling sound.

"YOU FUCKING PURR?"

Typhon's expression flashes surprise before responding. "I suppose so. Do you like it?"

"I...uhm...s-sure."

"Should I continue?"

"No."

--

"No matter where you are, I'll hear your call for me."

--

When there seems no other way out, rhoda asks typhon to attack, which he refuses at first. He finds a second way, to burn her binds. This looks like he is burning her too. It melts the binds and her clothes. his eyes and face are a frightening mask

after escape, he sits hunched on the grass, facing away from her. "My fire cannot hurt you," he says quietly, ashamed.

rhoda does not respond, instead asking for his cloak to clothe herself. Her words are emotionless after she puts it on, then commands him "Take me home." He does not show emotion save for a slightly crinkled brow as wetness streaks from his eyes and down his face as they fly.

later the next morning he is nowhere to be found. she goes outside and calls for him, knowing he can hear her. He arrives, but much smaller. A short human size.

--

is there a way to make typhon use his fire ? he would be mad if rhoda used it against his will, especially to attack.

--

After awhile, typhon will get stronger, horns grow, and potentially have blackish hands ? "I've been in this world too long." Worried about devilish appearance

--

would create a lot of tension if they had a big disagreement and were against each other for awhile. I don't know how Typhon would stay alive though. It would have to only be for a few days I guess.

Typhon could eventually break the need for care by becoming a god himself. Don't need to ask a god for care and forgiveness if you are one

--

his laurels grow from his head. they can be cut like hair.

#Typhon #Rhoda

[the-bastard-and-the-pup]

Whumptober 2022: No. 2 NOWHERE TO RUN

Cornered | Confrontation

Warning for homophobic slur

(I did it, Mirrorworlders and Fox Siblings! This is the "Will and Nerron meet the asshole treasure hunter from Glass of Lead and Gold between books 3 and 4" fic I have been wanting to write for you forever! Also the story of their first hug. I hope you enjoy!)

"If it isn't the Bastard. I didn't think I'd meet one of your kind this far east. Are you hiding from Jacob Reckless here? I bet not having him around should be doing wonders for your career." Will saw Nerron's lip pull upwards into a brief snarl at the sound of the voice, baring his fangs for a second, but when he turned around from where he was sitting at the bar next to Will, his expression was one of mocking annoyance.

"And what about your career, Jakes? Still trying and failing to steal from little girls or have you started putting some actual work in?" The man standing in front of them did not posses an ounce of the skill Goyl had with schooling one's expression, his skin turning an angry red.

"Perhaps you need to get your rumours from better sources."

"Honestly, I really think I don't. Would you like to talk about your shortcomings some more? Such a broad subject and I would happily provide a new perspective." Will hid his smile by taking a sip of his drink because he felt like openly laughing would not deescalate the situation. Nevertheless, he enjoyed witnessing the exchange.

"I just want you to know that I was here first. So I suggest you pick something else to find", Jakes hissed. Nerron raised his eyebrows.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, we were originally just passing through." His face pulled into a grin that gave a good view of his teeth. "Though now you want us to leave, I am starting to get interested in this town."

"Careful, Goyl. You are far east. People here rarely get to see your kind."

"And therefore have less strong hard feelings about my kind than westerners."

"Just some advice between colleagues. I'll let you and your... companion enjoy your evening." Turning to leave, he addressed Will. "I commend you for your bravery, kid. I would want these teeth anywhere near my private parts. A word of warning, though? Make sure you remain useful and stay clear of bodies of water. His kind are prone to drowning those who outlive their usefulness."

The flying knife was a silver glint in the air that landed in the wall next to Jakes' face. The treasure hunter had a moment of startled surprise before Nerron leaned into his space, his hand closed around the knife next to the human.

"Does it look like I would need a body of water to end your life?", he hissed and leaned closer until their faces nearly seemed to touch. Many humans tended to get uncomfortable around Goyl and Will saw Jakes try to recoil with trying to get away from a creature his instincts told him was a predator.

"No, it doesn't", he bit out. "Is that what you want to hear? And you can back off, I am very much not interested. How about you behave like a civilised person and go back to your boy there, fag-" Will's stomach clenched, he hadn't had any idea this insult existed behind the mirror as well. But after all, even with all the magical objects and beings in this world, humans were humans. It occurred to Will that the subject of Nerron's attractions (in light of Sixteen's presence, Will hadn't felt the need to talk about himself in this regard) had never come up. Though to be fair, Nerron was rarely forthcoming when asked such personal questions.

Distracted by his thoughts, Will noticed only now why Jake had stopped talking abruptly and followed his line of sight to find the cause for it. He didn't have to look further than the small, human-like creature Nerron pulled out of his coat pocket.

"You really think your pet can just try to steal from me like that? Such a reckless little thing. Crawling into the wrong pocket could get it killed... so... very. Easily." Never breaking eye contact with Jake, he curled his fingers tighter and tighter around the little creature, making sure one of his claws was resting against the thin throat. Something cold seemed to grab Will's insides while observing the scene. Of course he had seen his friend fight and kill, but that had always been in defence of their lives. He had never done so for such sadistic reasons and Will found he didn't want to see it happen.

Jakes' jaw worked furiously, obviously trying to think of a way to stop Nerron, but not able to come up with one. Which Nerron noticed, a cold gleam in his eyes. Just when Will was about to step in, Nerron loosened his grip and pushed the thumbling into Jakes' coat pocket.

"If you'll excuse us, we need to get back on the road now." Nothing about Nerron's smile was remotely friendly. "I wish you the very worst of luck for this job." Without looking back, he pulled his knife out of the wall, picked up his sword and coat from his chair and left through the inn door. Distantly, Will thought about how his self from three years ago might have stayed to make some peace with Jakes. Now, he followed Nerron with no more than a brief nod at the man.

Once outside, Will sped up to a jogging pace until he caught up with Nerron on the way to their camp outside of town. Will had no idea what to say. Clearly, Nerron had been set off by something Jake had said, but... finding out what was a delicate matter. Saying the wrong thing might drive Nerron away and if the suggestion they could be intimate had offended him, addressing it in any way could be very bad indeed. Though Will very much hoped it wouldn't.

Nerron didn't acknowledge Will's presence until they had left town and were halfway to their camp, where he stopped walking.

"Aren't you worried about going to our camp with me? I might drown you in the nearest pond", he snarled without looking at Will. So this was why Nerron was so agitated. 'You won't, after all, your king needs me', Will might have joked, but this was not what should be said here. Instead, Will decided to share something he had never addressed before.

"I'm not worried. This isn't the first time someone told me things like that about you." Now he had Nerron's attention.

"What?"

"Two weeks after we started travelling together, one of your informants asked me if I still had all my fingers. Another if both my eyes are real. I also got the advice not to talk too much around you if I wanted to keep my tongue. I never cared about any of it and I'm certainly not going to start now."

"You saw me throw a knife at someone over a simple insult and then I nearly crushed-"

"I don't think the insult was simple. Don't forget that I spent time around Hentzau. I remember what people say about the Onyx. Not much of it, but... enough." I know what would have been done to you if the Onyx had decided you weren't of use to them. "And I know enough about you to know you're not like that. What happened in the inn didn't bring you pleasure. Just look at you. You hate the mere suggestion you could be like them."

"My reputation must have come from somewhere." But there was something else than defensive anger and pain in Nerron's voice now. That tentative hope let Will rake a step closer.

"I'm sure you did what you had to in order to get it. But having built that reputation saves one from having to act upon it too often, doesn't it? You're my best friend and you don't ever need to worry about me being afraid of you. Even when you're cornered and scared. In fact, do... would you like a hug?"

"We- we have found a gap in my vocabulary there. What are you offering?" The fact that Nerron had never been in a situation to learn the human word "hug" made Will want to give one all the more.

"Oh, it's the same as... maybe "embrace" is a word you heard before? It's something that helps me sometimes so I thought I'd offer." In this world of magic and fairy tales, a creature Will hadn't even known existed for most his life stood and looked at him like he was the most impossible thing in the universe.

"I haven't received a... hug in a long time, I think", Nerron admitted quietly. "But if you're offering..."

"I am and I also promise not to breathe a word of it to anyone. Come here." In theory, nothing about a stone creature with fangs and claws who was wearing scaly leather clothing and several weapons was huggable. In praxis, all these things were still there, but after a few seconds of stiffness, Nerron also practically melted into the arms Will put around him. And after another couple of moments, a pair of arms circled Will's back in an imitation of what he was doing. Even though this wasn't meant for his own comfort, Will allowed himself to close his eyes and take a deep breath where his face was pressed against stone skin. He had no idea how much time had passed before Nerron's hands lightly patted Will's back and he started to extract himself. Will hurried to react quickly so he wouldn't hold Nerron for longer than he was comfortable with.

"There's more where this came from", Will said with a smile, to spare Nerron the awkwardness of having to speak first. Nerron cleared his throat, the only sign he showed that his emotions had been affected by anything that had just taken place.

"Thank you. That is. Good to know for the future."

"Of course. Do you need rest tonight or should we pack up and get going?"

"I believe it's best if we put some distance between us and this town. Bartholomew Jakes is going to be livid as soon as he notices I nicked this while pushing his thumbling back into his pocket." He reached into his coat and pulled out something that looked like some kind of key, glowing faintly with engraved runes. An incredulous laugh erupted from Will, met with a smug grin from Nerron.

"Are we going to find the treasure before him, then?"

"We have better things to do, it's not like we are your brother. I just want to make this job as inconvenient as possible for him." The Goyl turned and flung the key into the nearest pond, where it disappeared in the murky water.

#whumptober 2022 #cornelia funke #tw homophobia #mirrorworld #mirrorworld series #reckless series #reckless #will reckless #nerron #bartholomew jakes #the glass of lead and gold #my writing #jadebastard

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Yeah and it's just like... I understand my mom, I really do. She's emotionally about 14 and will probably be stuck there forever. I get that not having taken care of the tea makes her feel like a fuck up. I get it

It's just hard when you can't ever say something to someone without them making it about them. It's not intentionally manipulative, but it means no one can talk to you. So I just didn't need my friend out of nowhere sticking up for my mom

(Once again, taking stabs at understanding people, I'd say my friend has been feeling bad about her relationship with her mother, and so likely was in a mindset of trying to be understanding towards mothers. Which like I can get, but also be frustrated by)

Not to mention that like... things now because I basically turn off all my emotions and forget who I'm dealing with, and as much as she annoys me she's better than she used to be and I may not like having her here but it works

But like there's a lot of history between me and my mom, and like... it's not good

Stuff like when I was around 12 I hadn't gone to soccer practice, and she comes in at like 6am to give me a long rant, and I don't remember any of it except the last thing she said was "and good luck ever getting married, because who'd ever want to marry a loser like you" (shame she was right, but still not cool to say to a kid)

So just like... I don't know... I really don't

I like the friends I've made on here, they care, but for one thing I wonder how much they actually know me or would like... various stuff about me that things they've said make me think they wouldn't like

Also though just like but they're kind of bad at it. It ranges from my friend who... I mean she recently said that if I really needed support she was here for me, but like... how do I get it. I've said verbatim "I'm doing very badly today" and she didn't even respond. She cares, but how do I get that other than just having it randomly dropped on a post about me being suicidal saying she cares?

Then my other main friend, she cares but I can't talk to her because me being upset upsets her too much. She also has a tendency to lash out when she isn't doing well, which I forgive but it makes it hard to be close. I like her, but various stuff she does just makes me put distance there

Then every other friend I have on here tends to have so much going on in their lives that I want them to put themselves first. I want things to be onesided for now, me supporting, them just talking to me when they need to vent but like... if they got in a stable position, would that dynamic change? ...I doubt it

Oof, I've done it again. Never seem to be able to say something in less than 15 paragraphs, huh?

I'm just tired... you know, I texted a suicide hotline, and as I was leaving they asked me about my support system and I was like "don't really have one, it's usually me being there for my friends"

"That's great! I'm so glad you have that!"

I swear I just kill reading comprehension some how

My support system is me and my coping skills. I could say more, but it's kind of too personal I think. In many ways they're good coping skills though

I feel like I have to do everything myself, because I do. I've been too tired to break down all the boxes my mom is always ordering, so now they're piling up. Anything I don't do doesn't get done, so I just want to get myself to where I'm doing them

Like 4 hours of work a day and I could make my life a paradise, not even kidding really... I just can't move my body when I tell it to move... I just stare at what I want to work on and... can't

I don't know... my mental health is clearly bad, and yet in many ways I think I'm doing better than a lot of the people around me

Sorry... I think I lost my point here. I just... you know, what I wish I could do is just lop off my head and have my body programed to do the tasks I want done and then store itself in a closet when not working. I want to be gone but get the work done, cause it's good work, it's work I care about, it's fixing my house that I love

I'm just tired of existing and even sleep is unpleasant to me these days

Anon, honey, your mom calling you names like that is exactly the kind of thing that drives someone to grow up thinking they owe it to everyone around them to be each and every one's personal anchor/safety net while believing no one will ever care about them.

I....This is one of those places where I can tell that I'm really struggling to turn off therapist mode, because I see such an immense weight of self-disgust and a thousand little cuts in the voices of people you have loved and trusted with your vulnerable spots. I don't ever want to dictate your story, but speaking as someone who has been there? Really and genuinely, been so alienated from everyone I loved all while doing literally everything I could conceivably do on their behalf because I was convinced that if I did any less I made as well just lay down and die right there. It was all I was worth.

It doesn't have to be like that. It really doesn't. No matter how much you're absolutely sure it does. I promise that's the depression talking. The emotional starvation, the feelings of brokenness, the unending isolation of it all. It doesn't have to drown you.

I don't say this to give you advice but to acknowledge that I see you reinforcing the cruelty others have already inflicted on you and it makes me so sad to see you speak about yourself with such surity that you aren't worth anyone's time. That you need to keep apologizing for the act of existing vulnerably in my presence. Putting others on a pedestal while kneeling in a pit below them. I wish that you wouldn't treat yourself that way. And I know that doesn't really mean anything because it's far easier said than done. Me wishing it won't make it any more likely to happen. But it makes me very sad to see anyone in this much pain so adamently insist that aren't worth loving.

I always liked the turn of phrase from my own faith of praying with your feet. It's all well and good to pray for something, but unless you're willing to march for your cause, labor in your field, or defend others who are vulnerable, that prayer is just words. To act is to go with G-d. To serve your community is to manifest divinity. This is not to preach of course, I was raised by athiests who were amusedly surprised I turned out observantly Jewish, and my favorite story to tell is the day I brought my wife to schul with me for the first time and she was welcomed by the members who asked what we thought of the service. Wifey was nervous but honest and admitted she felt uncertain about it because she didn't believe in G-d. To which the elderly head of the Board replied "Who needs to believe in G-d? I sure don't!" and suddenly wifey was no longer nervous lol.

I guess my point is, there are a lot of ways for people's commitments, whether spiritual or mundane, to be revealed as nothing more than the words it took to make them. And that is always quite hurtful, but especially so when you have been trying to express your needs all along. Listening is a skill few are ever really pressed to cultivate. Personally I like to use versions of Motivational Interviewing for my listening/participating style. Surprisingly effective at making people find you charming and pleasant to be around socially, which was nice as I have always really struggled with being "good company" prior. It's good to learn how to listen, but it's frustrating to feel like others don't return the favor, and it can really wear away at your self confidence.

Anyway, thank you for dropping in, Anon, and I hope you always feel welcome to drop me a message in whatever format you choose.

[katbrando]

[ questions are from this post, 1-10 here, 11-20 here, 21-30 here, 31-40 here, 41-50 here ]

51-60 - DAILY LIFE

🧡 What does the daily schedule of this home look like? we both work, so we spend most of our time away from home 😭 but we make sure our days off align so we have opportunities for lengthy dates :))) he's up for the sunrise every day, he goes on his little jog every morning, comes home to make breakfast for us (sometimes he has to fight to get me out of bed LOL)

🧡 Who is more of a homebody, and who’s the breadwinner? we're equal as far as that goes! he encourages me to work less but we know if we want to keep our cute little life afloat then we both have to work, not just him. it feels good to put in equal effort, anyway.. i like providing for him, he likes providing for me

🧡 What do your sleeping arrangements look like? Do you sleep together, or in separate beds?  we sleep together, i'm big spoon he's little spoon :'))) hes also a blanket hog because he gets chilly so easily.. he acts as if he's sleeping beauty or somethin but he tosses and turns so much, he looks a mess every morning LOL.. i'm no better tbh

🧡 Who’s the early riser, and who has trouble getting out of bed? Who falls asleep first? diego looooves his early mornings with a good cup of coffee and a stunning view of the sunrise.. and i hate mornings LMAO, being awake before 10am for me feels like torture.. he's extremely insistent about me getting up with him and engaging in his morning routine, and it definitely causes fueds for a while but eventually he chills tf out and decides it's best to maneuver our disagreement in better ways, like offering breakfast in bed and waking me up with little kisses and soft sweet words :')) and I'M the one who always falls asleep first.. when we're spooning i always have my arm draped across him so we can hold hands, the way he rubs my knuckles and the sound of his soft breathing are a combination that always results in an immediate KO, i'm out cold all night

🧡 Who handles what chores around the house? we both Hate cleaning (who doesn't, i guess) but doing it together works great, it's something about the mutual effort towards making our living space clean and healthy not just for ourselves but for each other :')) we do LOVE laundry, though.. his favorite thing is pulling a sweater straight out of the dryer and baking in it while we fold clothes together

🧡 Who deals with the spiders/bugs? HE DOES LMAO i Cannot do bugs 🤢 who knows how he specifically handles them bc i always leave the room

🧡 Who’s the better driver? Do you argue on the road? by default he is, LOL, he's actually a pretty good driver, and even before we met he would frequently take long drives to nowhere in particular. he has to have his seat pushed up a lot because he's also short, and that sight, along with the way his tongue pokes out when he's focusing really hard, is very very very cute :')) also we don't argue on the road, even if he tried to i'd be too busy trying not to get carsick (im Sensitive)

🧡 When you go shopping, who takes the longest? Who’s the worst to shop with? for most shopping, we're about the same! especially clothes shopping since our tastes align very closely and if one of us gets bored then it's basically a guarantee that the other feels the same. grocery shopping with him SUCKS though, he's so picky and pretentious, turning his nose up at things i want to buy LMAO, doesn't matter what he thinks tbh i'm gonna eat what i want anyway (and he's more than okay with that, he's just an Asshole)

🧡 How comfortable are you with sharing? Clothes, personal items, spaces like the bathroom etc. as for me, i'm very comfortable with it! we share clothes all the time, especially. he's okay with sharing most of the time but boy does this man treasure his shower/bathroom time LOL.. interrupting him is a Bad Idea but it's also funny how worked up he gets.. however he doesn't like sharing some of his possessions, namely the ones he inherited from his mother. it's like an unspoken rule: don't touch anything he held on to after she passed away (her old cookbook, jewelry, photo albums, that sort of thing). eventually he becomes more okay with sharing but his mom is such a sensitive topic, it always will be for him

🧡 When you take pictures together, how do you pose? Do you like taking pics together? we love taking photos!!! especially silly ones, but also i fuckin hate it because he can't take a bad picture no matter how hard i try (i succeeded Once by taking a photo of him waking up from a nap, he looks a mess and it's my lockscreen despite his pure hatred for the image) sometimes we take ourselves way too seriously and try to take outfit photos but tbh we're just sooo silly goofy that it shows through in any photo we take 💀

#chore for tomorrow is fix this blog up HFDKJS and figure out a better tag system and work on a masterlist etc etc etc #dinokat #modern au

[hinatastinygiant]

Chapter Nine

Secret Arrangement

Pairing: Oikawa x Fem!Reader

previous | next | summer nights

LAINY'S P.O.V.

That night after I finish getting myself ready for bed and put on my pajamas, I open my bedroom door and peek down the hallway to yell goodnight to Y/N.

"Night!" she yells back, which causes me to smile. It's so nice that she's back home again. It really did suck when she was away and I was here alone.

After I close my door, I walk to my bed and sit beside my nightstand. I plug in my phone to charge, but just as I'm about to get into bed I see that it buzzes with a new notification. Looking closer at it, I see it's from Instagram. 

I scoot a bit closer to my phone as I unlock it and open the app. There I find OikawaTooru, a verified user, has sent me a message. I hesitate when I see it, knowing that no matter what he has sent me, it's probably not a good idea to message him back. But I suppose it won't hurt to see what he said...

OikawaTooru: can i call u?

Call me? Why doesn't he just look up Y/N and call her? But as curiosity gets the better of me, I tell him 'yes'.

I then rush around to my desk to grab my headphones and plug them into my phone so Y/N won't hear the sound. And when he does call, it's a video call, so I'm quite lucky she's nowhere around.

Once I'm able to see him through the tiny screen on my phone, I see that it really is Oikawa. He's at some kind of club. He must have drunk messaged me. This isn't going to be good... 

"Why are you calling me from some club?" I whisper into the speaker on my headphones. "If you want me to help you with Y/N this isn't a good start."

Oikawa then steps away from the loud noise to somewhere darker, yet way quieter. However, I can now see the serious expression in his eyes and my initial impression of this call begins to change.

"I know this isn't a good idea but it's the only idea I had," he tells me. "I want to meet up with Y/N and explain everything to her but I don't know how she'll agree when she won't even admit she knows me... I want things to work out where she doesn't hate me like she currently does. What can I do?"

"Why should I help? My best friend, like you said, clearly wants nothing to do with you. So why should I help you?" I ask.

Oikawa leans back as if he's sitting on a bench or something. Perhaps he went outside of the club which is why it's less noisy. "Even though our whole deal was to not get attached, I fell in love with Y/N. I didn't think I'd see her again which is why I was able to let her go, but now that I have, I can't let her go for a second time..."

I chew the inside of my cheek as I try to decide whether or not to help him. Despite how Y/N says she doesn't like Oikawa, it's quite obvious through her storytelling that there is something there. I suppose it wouldn't hurt her to at least try to talk to him again and allow him to apologize. Besides, it's not like they'll ever see each other again since he travels for work.

"Alright, I have an idea."

Y/N'S P.O.V. - The Next Morning

As you're walking out of the gym the following morning, a place you hardly go to except for when you feel the need to release some steam, you see that you've gotten a text from Lainy. She's asked you to meet her at the grocery store if you're not busy to help her pick up some things. You happily agree to spend time with one of your closest friends and drive right over to your typical shopping spot.

You park your car when you arrive and grab your shopping bags from the trunk as you leave. You then walk towards the store's entrance where you could swear the man sitting near the entrance is staring at you. But you try to ignore him for as long as you can until you look over once more and see that the creep staring at you is none other than Oikawa. Somehow he's stalked you or tricked Lainy into setting the two of you up.

You shake your head as you turn away and walk back to your car. But just after you cross the street into the parking lot, he chases after you. You do your best to ignore the sounds of cars honking and Oikawa's apologies as he heads in your direction. However, it's not long until he runs around in front of you and cuts you off where you stand.

"Wait, just give me a second. Please, Y/N," he begs, a bit out of breath after nearly getting run over on his way to you.

You stop walking and look around for Lainy, knowing full well that she put you up to this. But you can't really blame her since Oikawa's seriously too persistent for his own good.

"What could you possibly want from me?" you ask him.

"I just want to explain myself," he replies.

"About what? Tricking me and lying to my face every day for two months straight?" you scoff.

"I didn't lie! We agreed not to talk about our lives outside of, ya know, us!"

"Yeah, because I didn't want to know the truth. Obviously, it would ruin things and this proves that I was right!" you insist.

"You're right, the things you heard are the things that happened before we met but it's all different now, I swear. Just let me talk to you," he continues to plead.

You look down at your empty grocery bags and sigh. "Fine. You have from the time I start shopping 'til the time I'm done to talk, but I'm a quick shopper, just so you know."

Oikawa smiles cheerfully, but just when he opens his mouth to start in, you put your pointer finger up to silence him. "I haven't started shopping yet so no talking," you explain, to which he then shuts his mouth and becomes dead quiet.

As you turn around to walk back to the store, a smile grows across your lips. You do feel kinda bad for shutting him up but it was pretty cute how quick his expression turned.

When you get into the grocery store, Oikawa waits patiently until you pick up the first thing and place it into your cart. He then begins to narrate his entire life which makes you want to groan in pain. 

"I played volleyball for as long as I can remember. It was in middle school when people really began to recognize my talents and I had all these people begin to follow me around. There were so many guys and girls that just gravitated towards me and expected all different kinds of things from me."

You suppose it kinda sounds stuck up how he's phrased it, but you wouldn't know how else to explain it if you were in his shoes.

"It's even worse now that I'm famous because everyone expects me to be perfect and get all these girls to be who they want me to be... That's why I loved my time with you so much in Brazil. I didn't have to be who anyone wanted me to be, I could just be myself."

You grab a few tomatoes to check their ripeness, turning away from him so he doesn't see the flustered look on your face after what he's said. Besides, you felt the exact same way as he does. Your time with him in Brazil was one of the best times in your life. You always felt so safe around him and you, too, got to be yourself.

"Once I got back I was trying to return to the way things were before I met you but after seeing you I knew I just couldn't do it. My friends and teammates knew something was up because they cared, but nobody else even though there was a difference. The girls certainly didn't care since all they look for is the minute of fame I give them." he continues.

"Do you really think I'm dumb enough to fall for your games again?" you ask, putting up walls instead of even attempting to let him into your life again.

"No... And this isn't a game."

"No? So are you saying it was?"

"Y/N, you've got it wrong," he shakes his head. "It was never a game, truly. I was honest with you every single step of the way. What even made you think that it was a game?"

"I heard all about your rep once I got back. How it's not difficult to get you to sleep with anyone as long as they try."

"I already admitted to that. What else do you want me to say?" he asks, almost sounding a bit hurt at the jabs you throw his way. However, you're too busy building up a huge brick wall that he can't knock down to even notice.

Now done getting your groceries, you quietly walk to the self check out line. You scan your items and right when you're about to put in your credit card, Oikawa offers to pay. You look at him for a moment as you decide whether or not you should actually let him. But it is a nice gesture and you don't want to come off even ruder than you probably seem already.

"Sure," you shrug as you move to the side to give him room. "Thanks."

Afterward, he follows you out to your car and helps you put your grocery bags in the trunk.

"Well I suppose it was good seeing you but I've gotta go and unload all this stuff," you tell him as you close the trunk.

"Actually there's one more thing I'd like to ask if you don't mind," he asks before giving a pause that makes you a bit nervous. "Can I have your number?"

You're quite hesitant at this considering that it could lead to something you're not quite sure you want. However, you give in due to common courtesy and give him your number. Besides, nothing is forcing you to message him back.

"Thanks," he smiles. You then watch with a thumping heart as he leans in and kisses your cheek. "I promise I'll make all of this up to you," he whispers before pulling away.

For an instant, you feel your heart flutter and your face heat up, until you step back into reality. You take a few steps away from him, his eyes still staring at yours, until you give him a quick goodbye and get in your car to get away from him as fast as possible before you do something you might regret. 

previous | next | summer nights

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#oikawa x y/n #oikawa x you #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa toru x you #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa toru x y/n #x fem!reader #x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu series #haikyuu self insert #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x female reader #hinatastinygiant #fanfiction series #fanfiction #fanfic #summer nights

[matadorofheart]

something i have learned amidst all my relationship drama over the years is that it's okay to just. not like someone. you don't need a specific reason to dislike someone. finding someone annoying doesn't make you or them a bad person. and if you have to coexist in spaces with someone you don't like, you can just do that without becoming their friend.

some time before 2020 i got out of the mindset of hating basically everyone which was Good In Theory, but then i'd encounter people i don't vibe with and try to change my opinions on them. and i'd grow really close to these people only to realize i STILL can't stand them, and then things blew up in my face when i finally got fed up and had to bail.

i can fully acknowledge that i unintentionally led people on in friendships that were going nowhere... because i was leading myself on, too. i convinced myself we were bffs and shoved down the voice constantly nagging at the back of my mind, telling me how much i just did not want to be around them. i literally tried to CBT my way out of my negative thoughts about these people because i couldn't just accept that it's okay to be annoyed by other human beings. i always tried to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt but sometimes we just Did Not Vibe.

and that in itself isn't anyone's fault, sometimes people just don't get along and that's life. but i'm so desperate for connection and people who don't make me miserable that i........ put up with people who make me miserable anyway. somehow. and convinced myself they didn't. and that's on me for not realizing the cause of this pattern until recently.

i still think communicating, setting boundaries, and distancing myself from the relationships that were making me miserable was the right thing for me to do, and people acting like that was some sort of Punishment or a dick move are just. blatantly wrong. like their feelings are their feelings, and those feelings are valid, but i am not a bad person for communicating. i was very clear about my feelings and intentions and i care way too much to just ghost people. i don't think ANYONE deserves to be ghosted, because to me that's far worse than someone clearly cutting off a relationship. but ALSO i wish i just hadn't even tried to force these relationships in the first place, and instead just continued coexisting in spaces with people i don't really like while being mildly irritated like a normal person

unfortunately now i don't know how to find the balance between avoiding everyone & being too scared to start new friendships, and what i've done with friend groups in recent years. because of my life circumstances it's very difficult for me to tell whether i actually enjoy being around someone or if i'm just tolerating them because i need people to talk to. it's hard to be reasonably selective about your friends when you feel very lonely overall, and i think that's how i've ended up in so many dysfunctional friendships in the first place.

all this to say that, at roughly a year since i was deep in my last relationships that ended in a dumpster fire, i finally feel a little more okay with things. i understand what's happened. i understand that, even though i feel some people didn't treat me well and responded very poorly to me trying to communicate with them, i also Began the problem by entering these intimate friendships with people i didn't even like in the first place. i don't know how to be more open to friendships going forward, but i do know i'm not gonna get in deep with people who already get on my nerves ever again.

and being annoyed by someone doesn't make me OR them a bad person.

#if you hate read my blog hi! this is probably applicable to you #and if we are currently friends it's not #i don't just tolerate people for the sake of friendship anymore #vent //sort of #just very personal #the unfortunate side effect of caring deeply about friendships is that acquaintanceships are hard #but i'm getting better at it #ness talks

[wisewidow]

Hello, Your Parents Want Me To Have Your Babies

PAIRING: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

SUMMARY: Melina, my workplace’s neighbour, wants to set me up with her daughter.

I'd only ever hear about Natasha every couple of weeks, when her adoptive father, the mechanic that owned the garage workshop beside my father's cafe slash bar, met up with my uncle for beers one day last year. Ever since then, our families have been loosely intertwined, friendly but not too close. Alexei fixed my mom's wrecked car for a cheap price, in return I let his youngest daughter Yelena have free coffees whenever she pops over.

From what my father told me, Alexei's entire family, including his wife, were all involved in the family business of repairing cars, except for his eldest daughter: Natasha, who turned out to be an FBI agent living in Quantico. Dad says they're proud of her but they miss her.

"(Y/N)," my brother calls from the kitchen. I put down my phone and find him balancing three plates of sandwiches and a salad in his spindly arms.

He opens his mouth to explain the orders, but I cut him off.

"Alexei," I say, pointing to the bacon and egg sandwich. "A salad for Melina. The tuna and tomato roll is Yelena's. Did they want drinks?"

Peter nods. "Four coffees and a large bottle of water, they already have them."

I ruffle his hair to thank him and grab the plates, balancing the third on my forearm until I can place it on a tray. I carry it outside, years of waitressing practice keeping it balanced, and head towards the garage.

"Melina?" I call. Moments later the raven haired woman slips out of the office and smiles. She yells something in Russian that causes Yelena to slide out from under a silver BMW, covered in black grease. Alexei appears moments later wielding a spanner.

They hound me for their orders, gratefully patting my shoulder and carrying their food away to their separate stations. Yelena disappears into the shadows with her sandwich, and her father to his desk, but Melina simply brightens and says, "(Y/N), have you heard? Natalia is visiting."

"Yes!" Alexei yells around a mouthful of bread. "Family, reunion! Grandbabies!"

Melina hisses something in their mother tongue. I laugh, and then ask if Natasha was bringing her kids, though I wasn't aware she had any.

"He means nothing of it, Natalia is focused on work at the moment. Too focused, I think. No babies. No partner."

"Tell her about her penthouse!" Alexei encourages.

Melina flaps a hand at him in irritation. "Yes, well, she has broken up with Bruce, the shy scientist from work. And then Sharon, charming field operative, also from work. And now she refuses to date. Because of work."

I chuckle nervously. "Where are you going with this?"

Melina smiles innocently. "Nowhere. What happened to your last girlfriend, again? Your father mentioned something about . . ."  The look in her eyes is enough to egg me on, though the subject is one I rarely speak of these days.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I say, "Carol left to travel Europe."

"Shame," she nods sympathetically. "You don't seem bothered. Are you not looking for a relationship?"

"Not actively, but I'm sure another troublemaker will find me. I don't have a good track record of steady relationships," I admit.

"Neither does Natalia!" Alexei shouts.

"Oh!" I say. "Does she want Carol's number? Or my friend Harley, she's not looking for commitment."

Yelena snickers. Alexei frowns. Melina chuckles. "No, no, Natalia needs someone she doesn't work with, and you need someone serious, and we need grandbabies before we die, since Yelena neglects it."

I flush a bright red. "Grandb— I'm— okay, first of all, neither of us have the equipment for that—"

"Neither did Dad," Yelena pipes up, referring to the fact that she and her sister were adopted.

"Hey!"

"(Y/N)!" Peter calls, rounding the corner. "Ned's coming over to pick me up, we need to finish our physics project. Uncle Ben should be here soon, can you manage the bar until he gets here?"

I jump onto the excuse and yell back affirmation, say a quick goodbye to Melina before speed-walking back to the cafe.

Peter leaves with Ned soon after, and Ben arrives at around the same time. I move to the kitchens while he takes over serving our regulars, as he's friendlier with them than me.

I work on making more sandwiches and tapas meals until four, when my shift ends. I kiss Uncle Ben on the cheek and head home.

The smell of paprikash greets me as I unlock the door to my apartment, which I guess means that my roommate is home. I call out a hello to her and head to the shower.

I groan happily as the hot water rains down on my front. I close my eyes and lean my head back, thinking over how strange the day had been, and lose myself in a trance of relaxation.

"(Y/N/N)!" Wanda barges in. I jump and almost slip grabbing the shower curtain to cover my body as I peek out at her.

"I'm naked," I hiss.

She ignores me and holds up two clothes hangers. "Pantsuit or dress?"

I push my wet hair out of my face. "Uh, are you bar-hopping with Vision or going to a family dinner?"

"Get together with some friends," she explains. "Vis, Sam, Steve and some guy named Bucky who I'm informed we're supposed to be pretending Steve isn't in love with, do you know him?"

"Nope."

"Okay, well, he's bringing some friends, so I'm bringing you. Don't make that face, you know almost everyone."

"I don't feel like getting drunk," I complain.

"Good! You can be the designated driver. Pantsuit or dress?"

Grumbling, I tell her, "Dress."

"Okay, thanks, you wear the pantsuit, be ready by seven. May the Force be with you!"

She ducks as I throw my shampoo bottle at her. We bicker and mock and tease as I pat myself dry and she changes into the scarlet dress.  While she braids her hair, I carefully slip into the navy and white striped pantsuit, and we move into her bedroom to make use of her vanity, since the sun's lowering position in the sky shone straight into the window while my room would be encased in dimness by now. I sit in the chair and she leans over me, brushing her eyelashes with delicate mascara.  We fall into our normal going-out-getting-ready rhythm, periodically handing each other different brushes, comparing lipstick shades, and commenting on our days. She tells me about her brother's latest shenanigans and I make the grave mistake of commenting on Melina's attempted set-up earlier today, much to Wanda's entertainment. The two had never met but they both shared the pure ecstasy that came with matchmaking involving me.

"Do you think she's pretty?" Wanda wonders.

"I've seen photos," I shrug. "She's a redhead. Yelena says she changes hairstyles often."

"That doesn't answer my question! Pretty redhead or no?"

"They were baby photos, Wanda! I didn't have an opinion on her looks past the Wonder Woman pajamas."

She hums, and turns to draw a small heart under my left eye with her gel liner pen. "It would be nice if you wound up with her, but if you do fall madly in love with her beautiful red locks and decide to move to Washington to marry her and have her babies, I will murder you. You pay your rent on time and you're fun and please, please do not make me move back in with my brother."

"Why does everyone keep bringing up babies?" I yell.

An hour later we're pulling up to the bar in the back of  a cab arguing about getting a cat. The debate of whose bathroom would host the litter tray is interrupted by Wanda spotting Vision through the window and quickly smacking my arm and hissing at me to hurry up and pay so she can sneak in and scare him. Unfortunately, I can't locate my purse inside my bag.

"(Y/N), (Y/N), go, go, go . . ."

"Wanda, Wanda, going, going, going . . . Aha!" I pay the driver and find myself being ushered inside before I can put my purse back in my bag.

Sam, a friend of Wanda's from college, ends up foiling her evil master plan by pointing her out as soon as she walks in the door. Vision, being a good sport, pretends to be startled when she yells "BOO!" in his ear. As she cackles manically before sliding into the chair beside him, I notice the only free space is by the pretty blonde woman beside a man with brown hair pulled into a bun.

"Oh, look who I dragged out with me!" Wanda exclaims, taking a sip of Vision's drink and making a grand gesture with her hands. "(Y/N)!"

I'm greeted with a chorus of hello's. I bow and grin as I sit by the woman and offer a polite smile. Steve leans over points to the brunet man. "This is Bucky, we were close as friends. As kids. We were close as friends, when we were kids."

Sam snorts into his beer.

Steve clears his throat awkwardly. "And this is his partner from work, Nat."

I get a closer inspection and my eyes widen in shock. "Natalia?"

"Her name is Natasha." Steve corrects.

"I thought her name was Natalie?" Vision frowns.

"She goes by Nat, who cares?" Sam shrugs.

"Natalia Alianovna Romanova?" Wanda yelps. "(Y/N)! You didn't tell me this was the Natalia!"

"The what? I— Do I know you two?" Natasha asks, bewildered.

"Not me!" Wanda says, and then makes a motion for zipping her lips shut.

Everyone turns to me. I chuckle nervously. "I should probably explain. Hi, I'm (Y/N), your parents want me to have your babies."

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff oneshot #natasha romanoff fluff

[mimisempai]

I can read you like an open book

Summary:

5 times where Loki refuses to see that he has been found out by Mobius and once where he accepts it

Lokius has so much potential. How not to be tempted?

🌈 Happy Pride month ! 🌈

To celebrate, 1 day, 1 story.

Be ready for smiles, laugh, fluff, tooth rotthing fluff, positive vibes and a lot of love!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32034121

1798 words - Rating G

1.

"I'm Agent Mobius, by the way."

I don't care about your name. I'm Loki, God of Mischief, you moron!

The man with the ridiculous mustache looked suspiciously innocent.

Loki asked him in his most indifferent tone, "Are you taking me somewhere to kill me?"

The man, Mobius, answered in the quietest way possible, "No. That's where you just were. I'm taking you some place to talk."

Loki harrumphed and retorted, "I don't like to talk.

Without losing his smile, Mobius replied, "But you do like to lie, which you just did."

Seeing that Loki didn't bother to answer, he continued, a cheeky sparkle in his eye, "Because we both know you love to talk."

He had the audacity to add, emphasizing his words with his hands, "Talkie-talkie."

Loki was boiling inside, but he wouldn't allow this jerk to see his anger.

How could this fool have seen through to him? No way!

Yes he liked to talk! So what? He had a voice so he might as well use it. At least he never said stupid things.

Sure, he liked to twist the truth, but when you're the god of mischief, was that so surprising?

Anyway, nobody had discovered his biggest secret, his biggest lie, that was the most important.

He discreetly scanned the man in front of him who now seemed a little less inoffensive.

2.

They were in a room devoid of any decor, sitting face to face, separated by a table.

Loki decided to attack. He could be accused of lying, but not of not facing the truth.

He asked Mobius with a defiant look, "What do you want from me?"

Mobius inhaled, as if to give himself courage, "Well, let's start with a little cooperation."

No, that's not going to happen, buddy.

Loki was a god and a god doesn't cooperate.

He replied with a smirk, "Not my forte.

There he was again, that piercing blue-gray gaze that seemed to see much more than Loki believed. Accompanied by that smile that gauged him.

"Really?"

Mobius paused and for a moment Loki thought he knew how to stage himself as well as Loki.

The rascal continued, "Even when you're wooing someone powerful you intend to betray?"

How could he know that? Nobody knew about Thanos! Even Thor didn't know about it!

Don't show anything Loki! Don't show him he's right.

The bastard insisted, as if it were insignificant. "Come on."

Loki, took his most superior and closed look before answering.

"You don't know anything about me."

That's it, move on you moron!

"Maybe I'd like to learn."

What?

What does he mean, he'd like to learn?

No way, Loki wouldn't be fooled.

No one really wanted to know who Loki was.

Those who wanted to know him only wanted it to get something out of him.

He wouldn't be fooled by that smile and that look. Even though...

He shook his head not to let such thoughts linger

3.

Since Mobius seemed to want to know his theory so badly, Loki was more than happy to explain it to him, it was time to show off as much as he could with his jumpsuit.

He straightened his head and said in an emphatic tone, "For nearly every living thing, choice breeds shame and uncertainty and regret. There's a fork in every road, yet the wrong path is always taken."

He looked at Mobius defiantly.

So you're not such a smartass now, huh?

"Good. Yeah."

He had the nerve!

Loki was right not to believe that this man really wanted to know him, it was just to taunt him and put him in his place.

Mobius continued, "You said nearly every living thing ," he paused, and once again his eyes seemed to see further than Loki wanted to show.

He added, cheekily, "so I'm guessing you don't fall into that category?

Show nothing. Show nothing.

You didn't expect anything, Loki, so you're not disappointed.

Loki began to snicker. Sarcasm, one of his favorite weapons.

"The Time-Keepers have built quite the circus, and I see the clowns are playing their parts to perfection."

In case you didn't understand, I'm talking about you, the clown, that's you, buffoon!

Mobius started to laugh. A totally genuine laugh.

"Big metaphor guy. I love it."

Genuine but derisive of course.

The rascal continued, "Makes you sound super smart."

Loki couldn't let it go and retorted, "I am smart."

"I know."

Two words, and the tone was no longer taunting.

I know.

Two words said in a firm voice, without a smile, with an intense look in his eyes.

I know.

For once Loki didn't bother to wrap his words in circumlocutions, too disturbed by the implication of those two words. He simply replied, "Okay."

4.

Loki didn't know what Mobius' goal was in showing him his failures, but if it was to piss him off, he had achieved it, yet Loki was not going to show him.

Just as he was not going to show him how his questions affected him.

"Do you enjoy hurting people?"

No.

"Making them feel small?

No .

"Making them feel afraid?"

No. Stop. Answer him Loki.

"Your games don't frighten me."

But Mobius didn't seem to want to stop.

"Making them feel little?"

Loki couldn't help but retort with more vehemence, "I know what I am."

Mobius raised an eyebrow and asked defiantly, "A murderer?"

Knowing that if he let go, he would show Mobius how much he was affected by what he said, Loki shot back, "A liberator."

And the man had the audacity to reply, "Of eyeballs, maybe."

His words were accompanied on the screen by a video that showed Loki cutting out a man's eye.

Mobius continued, "Look at that smile. You are enjoying that. Did you enjoy hurting them?"

No. No. No. It was the mind stone. It wasn't me.

No! Shut up Loki! No one can know, not even him, get a grip!

Chin up, straight face, sardonic smile.

"I don't have to play this game. I'm a god."

Yes, that's what I am, a god. You won't take that away from me.

"Of what, again? Mischief, right?"

So what? I may not summon thunder, but I am powerful. In my own way.

The man then added, "Yeah. I don't see anything very mischievous about this."

Of course, since it wasn't him. But how could he tell anyone that he, the great Loki, had been under the influence of someone, that he had been manipulated by a stone.

He replied in a bitter voice, "No, I don't suppose you do."

Mobius sighed. He seemed almost disappointed.

Loki wondered why he felt a tightness in his chest. The same one he felt every time he knew he had disappointed his mother. The difference was that he had only known Mobius for a few hours.

5.

Loki was devastated.

His mother had died. She had died by his hand. At least because of him.

Mobius had continued to confront him with his failings.

Sitting on the floor, Loki no longer had the strength to stand up or fight back.

"You weren't born to be king, Loki."

Of course I was.

Even he was beginning not to believe it anymore.

"You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is, that's how it was, that's how it will be. All so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves."

He looked up at the screen where the Avengers were displayed one by one. The instruments of his defeat. The defeat he felt burning right now.

He asked with a broken voice, "What is this place?"

Mobius didn't answer, just walked over and held out his hand and said, "Come on."

No more taunting in his voice, no more mockery, just compassion? Loki looked up to see if what he heard in the voice was showing on the other man's face.

He read the same compassion.

Weakened by what he had just discovered about his mother, Loki found himself wanting to grasp that hand, to believe what he read in those eyes.  For a moment, he listened to himself, grabbed the hand and stood up.

But he was Loki, God of Mischief, so he snatched the small device from Mobius' pocket

+1

"Loki?"

Mobius had just come back into the room, Loki was distraught.

Sitting on the floor with his hands in his head, he raised it at the sound of his tormentor's voice.

The man approached him gently and said, "Nowhere left to run."

I don't want to go. I don't want to go anymore. I don't want to be that Loki anymore. I don't want to go back.

"I can't go back, can I? Back to my timeline."

Can I be me here? Really me? What I want to be.

For the first time since he knew himself, Loki felt a compulsion to tell the truth.

Looking Mobius in the eye, he said softly, "I don't enjoy hurting people."

He paused, "I..." he exhaled sharply and repeated again, "I don't enjoy it."

For the first time, he really wanted to convince someone that he wasn't the monster everyone thought he was. Now that he had started talking, it was like he couldn't stop. He continued, "I do it because I have to, because I've had to."

Mobius looked at him with those caring eyes he had had earlier and another feeling he couldn't read.

He replied softly, "Okay, explain that to me."

Loki swallowed, this was the moment of truth.

"Because it's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear."

Mobius simply nodded, before adding in a tone filled with understanding, "A desperate play for control. You do know yourself."

Loki bit his lip and added in a breath, "A villain."

He exhaled again.

"That's not how I see it.

Once again Mobius held out his hand to help him up, and this time Loki didn't hesitate to take it. Once on his feet, he didn't want to let go of that hand, the only non-violent human contact he'd had in years. He didn't even realize that he was tightening his fingers on Mobius'.

He asked the question that had been burning in his mind, "If I'm not the villain, then what am I?"

They still hadn't let go of each other's hands and now Mobius' thumb was gently stroking the back of Loki's hand.

Mobius tilted his head a little, seeking Loki's gaze even more.

He said with that smile that Loki was beginning to appreciate, "I don't know, but we could search together, if you want."

Loki nodded slowly and answered with a slight smile. The first sincere smile devoid of any trickery.

The real Loki smile. _________

Not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

#lokius #loki #loki spoilers #mobius m mobius #loki x mobius #developing relationship #spoilers episode 01 #loki laufeyson #marvel mcu

[marvelous-imagines]

Still loving you

Johnny Lawrence x reader

Request: Awesome! If I may submit 2, 1) where reader likes Johnny, and Johnny is going back and forth with Daniel bc of Allie, and reader breaks it off with Johnny and angst then they get back together. (it's hardly anything like the request and I just realized that and I'm so sorry)

Warnings: mild language. Angst. Fluff at the end!

@jojosgirlkat1dluvr

You Was Seated at a booth with your boyfriend Johnny and his friends at a dinner, listening to them joke around and and just talk about how their karate training went today. You was seated beside Johnny who had a arm wrapped around you, his red cobra Kai jacket on you as you leaned into his side.

"God the waitress is hot, I'm gonna ask her for her number next time she comes around" Bobby, one of Johnny's friends said, causing the rest of the gang to laugh at him.

"she's twice you're age idiot, she's not going to" johnny laughed out, eating a French fry off your plate which makes you swat his hand away playfully.

"oh yeah? 20 bucks says I can?" the boy bets, making you shake your head at him.

"you're honestly betting on it?" you lift a brow at him, shaking your head. Tommy throws 20 dollars on the table causing the rest to do the same.

"if she gives you her number you're not only winning this money, but my respect Bobby" Dutch tells him. You roll your eyes at the boys and finish up your food. After a few minutes the waitress came back to hand you your bill, which Johnny payed for, and you nearly choked on air when Bobby give the older woman a smirk while leaning back in his seat.

"hey babe, I was wondering if maybe I could get you're number?" he said confidently, looking the woman up and down. She scoffs and shows him a ring on her finger.

"I'm married asshole, the only thing you're grabbing is a ride out of here" she growls while stomping away. Everyone at the table burst out laughing, including yourself. Bobby flips you all off and stands up. Causing everyone to follow him out the door.

"you really know how to speak to the ladies Bobby" Tommy laughed, slapping him on the back as you all walked outside into the night air. Johnny still having a arm slung around you pulls you closer. But you can feel him tense up, looking up at him your about to question him what's wrong, but then you see his eyes focused on the new kid larusso and Johnny's ex girlfriend ali.

You couldn't help but feel a bit jealous, you knew he still felt a little something for the girl. He always gave her lingering glances, his eyes lighting up with anger when the larusso boy hangs around her.

It made you feel a little pinge of hurt whenever you would catch him staring at them, especially since you and him has been dating for nearly a week or two now, you feel so in love with the boy, he was so sweet towards you, funny and loving person. And he was so handsome, any woman would kill just to be in your position, having Johnny Lawrence have his arm around them. But you didn't feel as lucky when he looked at ali...

"look at that loser, who the hell does he think he is strutting around here?" johnny seethes while looking at the two, watching how Daniel put his arm around ali. But poor Daniel stops in his tracks like a deer caught in headlights when he sees Johnny and his gang.

"oh no...." Daniel muttered, "maybe we should go..." he looks to ali. But Johnny, pulling his arm away from you stops him from moving by pushing his shoulder, causing Daniel to stumble back some.

"where do you think you're loser?" johnny asks with a smirk, the anger in his blue eye's caused you to give Johnny a confused yet angered look.

"don't be mean to the poor kid Johnny, let's just go" you said trying to get him to leave the boy alone. But he doesn't listen, Johnny's friends watching this go down with snickers and chuckles like it was funny. But for you, it was far from it.

"look man, I don't want any trouble I'm just trying to grab something to eat with my -

"you think I'm gonna let you get away with what you done larusso?" johnny questions while pushing Daniel back again.

"johnny stop being such a jerk and just let us be" ali spoke while standing behind Daniel.

"yeah Johnny let's just go please?" you say but Johnny only scoffs at you.

"and let this loser -

"johnny please?" you whisper, placing a hand on his shoulder trying to get him to calm down. But he doesn't even pay attention to you.

"I don't wanna fight man, but I will if you don't back off" Daniel says in defense, causing Johnny to laugh at him mockingly. You feeling anger bubbling up inside you at how childish your boyfriend was acting.

"did you hear that boys? Larusso thinks he can beat us!" johnny snickers, but Daniel shakes his head.

"just let us go prick"

"who you calling prick loser!" johnny grabs Daniels jacket and ali grabs Daniel while you push Johnny back, his glare falling on you.

"leave him alone Johnny! God you're acting like such a child! Picking on someone so - so innocent!" you say, face flushed with anger. Johnny rolls his eyes and looks away from you.

"so what? You're taking his side now?" he asks, venom dripping from his voice. You scoff, watching how he glares at the ground, jaw tense and fist clenched. "is he taking you to? Stealing you away from me like he did ali?" he questioned with the same harsh tone.

You feel a wave of shock and disappointment wash over you. "why would you even think that? For one thing he never stole ali Johnny, she broke up with you! And another I'd -

"then what the hell do you call that!" he points at ali and Johnny, ali holding Daniel back as he glared at your boyfriend. You feel a wave of fresh anger and glare at Johnny.

"of you can't stop being such a asshole then I'm leaving you Johnny! So you can choose right now, either leave them alone or I'm leaving" you state, crossing your arms. You expected Johnny to calm down, to wrap his arms around you as his tough guy facade washes away for a split second to keep you with him. But you was wrong, instead he let's out a un-amused chuckle.

"go then! See if I care! All you do is nag me over stupid shit like this!" he motioned toward the fight, his once blue loving eyes cold and heartless. You feel hot tears filling your eyes as your bottom lip trembles. You only stare at him hoping he would realize what he said and take it back. But he doesn't, he only gives you a glare.

"okay then, I guess that's that..." you muttered, tears falling from your eye's as you push past him and leave him standing there with his friends, Daniel and Ali.

You walked home that night, heart broken into a million peices. You had thought Johnny was different, that he was the sweet heart of a man whenever you both started dating, the sweet things he would say to you, the way he couldn't stand not holding your hand every second. You thought his soft kisses and exclaims of love for you was genuine, that he actually loved holding you close to him, loved you...

But now you know that was all a lie, the Johnny you thought you knew was just a dream you couldn't even have... Once you was home you laid in bed and cried, the pain of knowing that Johnny didn't love you hurt, the feelings you felt for him apparently unrequited.

The next morning at school was unbearable, seeing him laugh and joke around with his friends as if nothing ever happened, as if he didn't end things with you. But the next few other days was worse, so bad you skipped a day of school, that day being today. You was laid in bed just reading a magazine when your phone rings, ignoring it you continued reading the dumb magazine in hopes of taking your mind of things, but the phones insistent ringing forced you to throw the magazine down and reach over your bed to grab the ringing phone off your bed side table.

"hello?" you grumbled into the phone, but you feel your heart drop, the dark cloud of sadness you've pushed away for the day came right back.

"hey y/n, I know you really don't -

You hung up on Johnny, tears swimming in your eye's. His voice sounded glum, cracking slightly as if he was on the verge of tears. But you knew he wasn't, at least that's what you thought. Because over these past week he seemed happy without you.

Just as you was about to pick the magazine back up the phone rings again, this time you wipe your eyes harshly and pick the phone up.

"look Johnny I -

"it's Bobby, and before you hang up I wanted to let you know that Johnny has been a absolute mess without you... He hasn't been showing up to training at the dojo lately, he's skipping school and he won't even barely talk to us..." he explained, and even though you wanted to forgive Johnny, you knew that it should be in person.

"if he really wants to fix things tell him to meet me at the dinner..." you muttered while playing with the phones curly cord.

"what time?" Bobby sounded relieved and happy. You let a small smile grace your face.

"tomorrow evening at 3pm" you said, hearing Bobby bid you goodnight before hanging up.

You sigh and laid down on your bed, wondering if forgiving would be the right decision. Or if not forgiving him was the wrong....

The diner was full, friends laughing at one another, family having a great time. And then there was you, waiting at a booth by the window alone. It was nearing 3pm, but Johnny was nowhere to be seen. You sigh and can't help but feel slightly disappointed by his absence, you thought he'd actually missed you, regretted his decision that unfortunate night outside this diner.

Looking down at your watch you see Johnny was already two minutes late, sighing your ready to stand up, deciding Johnny needed some time to gather his thoughts...

But you sat back down when you spot Johnny walk through the doors, blond hair a mess atop his head, black cloth that's usually tied around his head gone. He wore a faded old t-shirt and jeans, his blue eye's holding a glum glow about them as he looks up and spots you, quick to stride over and slip into the empty booth with you. You give him a emotionless expression as he opted for gazing out the window.

"penny for you're thoughts?" you asked harsher then meant to. But Johnny looks at you, big blue eye's holding nothing but regrets.

"I - I'm sorry for what happened that night... I was wrong for saying what I did... For pushing you away -

"being a big jerk?" you added to the list. He nods and looks back out the window with a deep sigh.

"I miss you y/n... Please just - forgive me" he whispers, voice holding a genuine hurt tone to it. You sigh looking over Johnny's face, taking in how miserable his eyes are, showing the misery he truly was in over this past week. Reaching over the table and grabbing ahold of his hand you give him a gentle squeeze, causing him to look up with a hopeful glint.

"as much as I hate how you was doing Daniel that night... I suppose I forgive you" you muttered, his face lighting up as he tries to say something but you cut him off "if we start dating again I expect you to leave Daniel and Ali alone Johnny" you explain, giving him a pleading look, begging for him to at least listen to you, promise you.

"okay, done. But if he starts it I'm not letting the little prick walk all over me y/n" he tells you with a serious look. Which causes you to roll your eyes.

"only if he starts it and throws the first punch" you confirmed with a small little smile. Johnny squeezes your hand that he held in yours atop the table as he gives you a little smile of his own.

"and one last thing to discuss..." you trail off, looking away from his concerned and confused eyes.

"what is it?" he swallowed thickly, worried by the look in your eye, how you looked afraid, hurt and skeptical.

"stop making me feel like I'm only just you're friend... I see how you look at ali, the only reason you hate Daniel so bad is because he - what you claim, stole her away from you..." you struggle to look at him, knowing your insecurities was starting to boil over the top. "I know she's prettier and -

"y/n you're the most beautiful woman I've ever lied eyes on, if you even for a moment think I'd ever leave you for ali your wrong. I love you, more than anything and nothings gonna change that" he interrupted your train on insecure thoughts. You feel your heart skip a beat and melting at his words, the way he gazed at you with love and truth, a genuine smile on his face as he let his eyes roam every detail and feature about you.

"johnny - I love you too..." you stuttered as you felt a wave of emotions hit you. Causing tears of happiness to form in your eye's. Johnny let's a little smile tug at his lips as he leaned closer, halfway across the table to cup your cheek.

"I know ya do babe, and like I said before, I love you more" he gives you a quick peck on the lips before bringing your hand up to his lips placing a lingering kiss to your knuckles. Heart fluttering at his sweet little kisses.

That day in the diner you and Johnny sit and talked for hours, his eyes on you never leaving once. He regretted the night he had hurt you and pushed you away, but he knew that if he kept his promises to you that nothing could ever keep you both apart.

A/n: here it is! I hope it isn't as bad as I believe it to be lol, it was rushed. I've been incredibly busy with work and have hardly any time to myself lately!, but here's this and then I'll work on the other one!

#johnny lawrence #johnny lawrence x reader #johnny lawrence imagine #cobra kai #daniel larusso #Daniel larusso x reader #Daniel larusso imagine #the karate kid #william zabka #ralph macchio

[bearpillowmonster]

Horizon Zero Dawn Review

The game that critics have been raving about for years and I just haven't played. I heard a lot of people say "this needs a movie" but they say that about any game that dares to be a little bit cinematic because I personally disagree.

That first part is rough, the story seems so in your face, predictable and bland but I think the problem is that it didn't know how to put in its exposition. I think it naturally builds up as it goes on, getting bigger and broader, it's just those first experiences that can be a slog because you're pretty much learning what style you're going to play in.

I got more or less everything I expected, crafting, a skill tree, various weapons. What I didn't expect though are dialogue options. You can choose normally up to four paths, an intelligent one, a compassionate one, and a straightforward one. You don't have to worry about the stress of trying to reach a specific ending because there's really only one, the only thing that affects it is the amount of people that are in it. So does that make the choices irrelevant? Yes and no because there are different dialogue options and like I said, which means that you can get certain characters to like you more given the option you choose but not in the same way that relationship points work and I definitely felt the draw to do that whenever I came across my first side-quest.

Side-quests are interesting, I love tracking things in games, though it's rare that you actually get the chance to do it and here you have a good amount of opportunities. Is that all though? Far from it. I actually found myself searching for side-quests because the first two were so satisfying. It really only began to show its hand a bit more after those quests. As I mentioned, there are a lot more RPG elements than I first imagined but it starts to send you on scavenger hunts, especially that Dreamwillow one, that one I actually laughed out loud at every time I was turned away. It also starts to gatekeep to where it recommends that you be a certain level which is...odd? I mean at face value it looks like you could rock basically any combat situation that isn't context sensitive. Leveling up gives you abilities but they're more like Deus Ex on that front, where it's just for preference and upgrading, not necessarily strength. The only thing you improve on offense wise basically boils down to having the right materials or units to buy weapons then a matter of finding modifications. Other than that, leveling up seems to just increase your health. It really just depends on the quest too because I'll play one above my level and be fine then play another that's actually under my level and feel stuck.

Now I only played it on normal mode so something like "Ultra Hard" is bound to be more demanding but as far as actual side quest content, I feel like they have potential but just need tweaked, give me more stuff for major characters that affects their standing with me. Rather than having each quest be contained in its own story, have it affect you later in the game, let your actions be shown, give it rewards and consequences. There are some really great side-quests but there are also some crappy ones, it doesn't pass that threshold that most RPGs fall under or anything. However, I did find myself doing side-quests at my own free will and the ones that I didn't like or couldn't do at the time, I just skipped and focused on something else, I felt a lot more freedom with this game, like I didn't feel forced to grind or do a certain number of side-quests or really do anything. It encourages you to explore and play the way you want to play and I respect the heck out of that. Maybe it's different for other players though.

Perhaps my favorite actual side thing was the Cauldrons for those who actually played this, you'll know why. For those who didn't, just know that it's cool and let it be a surprise for when you go to one. You might expect these big set-pieces and bosses like Uncharted or GoW, but it's not really like that. I genuinely think that this is more video-gamey than it lets on which certainly takes up its runtime. One addition to side-quests that I would like to see is one where you don't know it's happening. For example, in this game, you'll come across random hunters who are attacking or being attacked by machines but rather than just going on about your day and them going on about their's, I want to fight off the machine and the person say "You saved my life, my name's Jara, I live in the town nearby and want to repay you." so you go there and there's trouble so it starts up a side-quest. Now don't get me wrong, there are PLENTY of instances of people getting attacked actually being a mission but most of the time someone in town will just tell you "I haven't seen this person in a while, can you go check on them for me?" It's the art of subtlety and also just doing a good deed and getting rewarded for it. It's a conscious choice and split decision rather than just another checkmark on your list to complete.

Now I won't bother listing the characters and rating them but there's a certain aspect that has me really enthused So, Aloy is an outcast and a lot of these side missions and scenarios reflect her, you'll see the way she can relate with other characters, making it almost poetic in a subliminal kind of way. Then they add this tribal and futuristic setting to it where Aloy acts as the medium, there are parts of the game where she questions the tribe because they cut themselves off from technology and just don't know any better and we as a viewer know that but having the main character view things in 'our' lens is pretty genius. To top that off, they give her enough personality to be her own character while giving us enough power to influence her so that we ourselves can REFLECT WITH HER. It's not her character that I'm impressed with, it's the layout of the story.

So, how is the main story? It's kind of like the Flood scenario in Halo if I'm being honest. I'm not going to spoil anything but it's passable, like I said, it's not like an Uncharted and it's not like a movie. The visuals just look good at times (I took all the pictures in this review myself and so much more!). I'd call it a futuristic/tribal mix between Shadow of the Tomb Raider and Skyrim but I see elements of a lot of things. (Also since it's post apoctalypic, you find items that we see in modern day, like how they call keys, "chimes"! They think they're windchimes because there are no more cars! I love that!)

It actually does a pretty good job at being an open world considering that there are tons of things to do on your routes as well as collect but it's not so much so that it seems unfeasible, as I said, I found myself doing a good chunk of the side stuff just because it was fun to do and I'm not even close to a completionist for any game. If you mess up, healing plants will still be there. As long as you save, enemy parts will still be there. A place can be cleared out and conquered so that enemies don't come back. The actual towns are peaceful so you can't get mangled by any bots outside of scripted instances.

The graphics are pretty good but I can see some error here and there, nothing necessarily game breaking but the animations and AI are definitely janky at times. It's pretty obvious from the get-go but I'll do my best to specify and give constructive criticism on what I found wrong with certain aspects of the game. Rost is slow, like slower than walking speed but that's not to speak for all NPCs, some run, some you don't need to follow, it was really just him. I've had NPCs who fight but miss every single time on simple enemies (that might not be a bug, that might just be a funny bit that someone decided to add in). Sabretooths have jumped through walls (granted the walls were kinda broken but I'm not sure if those big boys can fit when they can barely find the entrance) I found myself jumping to a ledge or on a rope but not land it and just drop (it really boils down to loosening the hit box for that). Which to add on to that, I would like more places to climb and jump to in general (other than stupid mountains). I felt like there wasn't really enough that I could climb and the places that I could, could've been a bit more obvious that I could, maybe even make it viewable with your focus if you don't want it to be visually outstanding. There's a day and night cycle and while I like that, I found some of the contrast to be annoying because I could be staring a ladder right in the face and not even know it sometimes because it would be so dark. I'm not going to complain too much about it because I didn't turn my brightness up, I just left it at default and I would assume the PS5 version fixes some of those little things.

Now, this one is kind of a gray area: Hiking up mountains. Skyrim, Fallout, and Death Stranding went too far and gave little to no barriers. They had you looking for sweet spots that weren't there in order to cheese your way through an area either on or off a beaten path. But I would compare this to something like GTA where it's not as bad and does have its limits but might need tightened up some more because I can certainly get to places that lead to nowhere.

I've made headshots that don't make contact or damage while using precision. Part of that problem was that they could be high up in a tower (which have spikes sticking out) and I would hit ABOVE the logs, to make a headshot but since it was in that vicinity, it registered that as the spikes' hitbox so it wouldn't cause any damage and just alert the enemy (same if I was in the tower, looking down). Input lag where I hit up button on the D-Pad to regain health and I have to keep pressing it. If I had to guess, you have to meet the requirements of not taking damage, staying still, etc in order for it to actually work but it doesn't really have a reason to do that and it doesn't "tell" you that those are the requirements (as far as I know).

During the final boss, one of the enemies hit me into a rock wall, trapping me inside of it and the boss was already half health so I really didn't want to have to restart (I also didn't know how far back the checkpoint was) so I kept shooting stuff and eventually the boss destroyed the wall, allowing me to get out (timed section, by the way). There have been a few times where a tree or leaf or something is obstructing a cutscene and sometimes there will be a mech in the background screaming over the NPC talking, which I'm sure is due to the cutscenes being real-time which is still pretty impressive. Now are these errors all the time? No, not at all, I'm just pointing out that some times these things happened and that I felt it needed ironed out but I wouldn't call this half baked or an unfinished product or anything, it's nowhere near that level. I get that there are so many NPCs that it's hard to account for them all with facial animations but whenever they're talking, it seems pretty static and sometimes the lips don't line up. There's this one guy who says that he got lost in a sandstorm but he's standing in snow. Again, little nitpicks in an otherwise great game.

Now, I got this game for free as a Playstation promotion but that doesn't necessarily mean it'll be great, I played a little bit of that Ratchet & Clank reboot that was offered and I wasn't impressed, I quit after the first few worlds and was glad I didn't buy it at launch, (despite being a classic PS2 R&C fan) but we're not here to review that. I also played Abzu and loved it but it was short so it was definitely worth a play but maybe not 60$ (I actually think it's 20$ at this point though). With this game, it's the whole complete edition with DLC and everything, it has the length, so it really just boils down to "Would I have spent money on it otherwise?"

I think I would've if I knew more about it because I think it just got better and better after that first part of the game. It's marketed a bit differently than what I ended up getting but I found myself pouring hours into this game and loving it for one reason or another. I actually bought Shadow of the Colossus along with it (which is considered a cult classic) but I liked Horizon so much better, definitely worth its full price in my opinion. (So your promotion worked on me Sony, congrats) It has its problems but the potential is there and I feel like a sequel would probably iron out a lot of my troubles with it, so it's definitely a franchise worth investing into.

If you're interested in what I thought of the DLC alone (if you didn't get the Ultimate edition and are wondering if the extra content is worth it) I have a separate post that goes into that here.

#hzd #horizon zero dawn #review #game #4/5

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Eight

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Seven

Read here on wattpad

A/N: Question — what song do you think of when you think of Nikki and Viv? I'm trying to see something

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, Sexual situations, Drug abuse

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My bare feet hook underneath his thighs the second I realize he's about to  finish and he gives a crooked smirk up at me, his breathing beginning to shallow.

Nikki holds my hips still, groaning out as his cum coats the inside of me, causing me to let out a hazey moan, my mind cloudy from our rather lengthy round.

Once he's finished, I'm getting off of him and falling beside him, catching my breath as we recover is silence fore several minutes.

"Are you on birth control or something?" He asks me out of nowhere and I tense up, looking at him.

"Why're you asking?"

"I've been thinking about it since Vince and Sharise had Skylar, for some reason. I mean, I haven't used a rubber since we started dating and most of the time I don't pull out, and we've only had one pregnancy scare in the past, what, like, four years?"

"You've managed to keep track of how long we've been together?" I ask him, pretending to be shocked and he gently hits my arm with the back of his hand, and I chuckle, rolling over to face him, my lips pressing to his bicep for a moment.

I think I'm in the clear, dodging his question, but I'm not.

"I'm being serious, Viv, are you on something or...?" He asks and I lick my lips.

"Maybe my antidepressant affects fertility, I don't know." I shrug, lying through my teeth. "Drugs can cause issues on your end, too, so maybe that's another reason."

"Oh." He replies.

I avoid looking at him, sitting up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed before reaching down to grab his shirt by my feet.

You know those lies, that start simple and small, and then snowball more and more over time and explode in flames from hell that melt the snow and turn it into scalding hot water that leaves third-degree burns on the person that's being lied to? Yeah, we both had lots of those, and that was one of mine.

I

take a shower and brush my teeth, excited for my plans tonight, and as I start putting makeup up on, Nikki's getting in the shower.

"Are you and Robin going out tonight?" I ask him.

"Uh, yeah. Sparkie's coming, too." He replies and I roll my eyes.

I know they'll go out to a club and hide in the bathroom, shooting up and snorting blow a  majority of the time, only leaving to get some drinks.

"My doctor was really curious as to why I needed a refill so soon being that he gave me a month supply a week before Sparkie traded it." I comment to remind him Sparkie's a piece of shit.

"Sparkie learned his lesson, baby." He tells me in a half-chuckle and I raise my brows at myself in the mirror and turn the sink on.

"Jesus fuck, Viv!" He screams, being bombarded with ice cold water for a moment.

"Awe, I'm sorry, maybe Sparkie can sympathize with you." I reply smartly.

He's getting out of the shower, covered in suds, glaring at me, and I take off running with him chasing close behind.

"Spoiled brat!" He calls at me, the both of us naked as jaybirds.

"Trader bastard!" I say back, right before he catches me, pulling me against his wet, soapy body, his hands not skipping a moment to start tickling me.

I squeal, the both of us falling to the floor, my feet and legs kicking out of instinct.

"Don't you do it." He threatens. "Remember what happened last time."

"Not my fault you're a pussy." I reply, immediately regretting it when he starts tickling me again, this time, getting on top of me to pin me down.

He doesn't let up until I'm laughing so hard I'm in tears, and he's tired of struggling with me.

We look at each other for a minute, before he grins and kisses me.

"I gotta finish getting ready." He tells me, getting off of me and helping me up.

"Yeah, I do, too."

I decided a nice trip to Malibu would be a great thing for GN'R. I mean, go to Tansy's house there, have her invite over some of her single girl friends to mingle with the guys, stay over night so they don't have to worry about whether or not they'd be able to crash at their stripper friends' apartment and sleep on the floor that night, have a nice breakfast together the next morning, and just give Axl and Izzy time to really get to know Tansy, because they haven't hung out with her very much, while Slash, Duff and Steven see her almost more than I do.

I glance around the living room of Tansy's Malibu beach house, seeing beach bunnies all around with perfectly tanned skin, bombshell hair and perfect smiles, then look at Steven and Slash, who seem to be having a pretty good time.

They both look like they're in heaven, girls on either side of them, obviously fans of their work on the Sunset Strip back in L.A.

Izzy took a girl up to the guest bedroom long ago, while Axl's just nursing a bottle of Jack, with a beautiful brunette chattering his ear off while he's pretending not to care about what Tansy's doing as she talks to one of her girl friends across the room.

I do a mental head count, and notice my 6'4 blonde is nowhere to be seen.

Maybe he found a girl or two of his own and followed in Izzy's footsteps, taking over a spare room?

I brush it off, deciding it's none of my business and step to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi out of the fridge. 

When I pass by the doors that lead to the balcony over looking the ocean, though, I see the outline of someone sitting in the lounge chair. 

Recognizing the slender frame, I grab my soda and head outside, Duff looking over his shoulder to see who I am, before smiling at me innocently, bottle of Vodka by his foot and pack of Marlboros on one knee as a sketch pad and pen are being supported by his other.

"Hi." I say as he scoots over to make room for me. "Mr. Social Butterfly." I add, sarcastically.

"Hey." He replies, moving his Vodka over so I won't knock it down with my foot.

"I figured you be eating that up." I motion to the door, referring to the gorgeous girls inside and he chuckles a little.

"I don't know, I haven't really been feeling chicks lately." He tells me and I furrow my brows a little.

"Well, I'm sure she has some boy friends, too, if you're feeling something different." I inform him, knowing what he meant, but he laughs and shakes his head.

"Not like that, Viv." He tells me and I pull my red hair behind my shoulders to get it out of my face, before taking a sip of my drink. "I've been, uh, working on something new, kinda. The lyrics have been going off left and right in my head, I just thought I'd better get somewhere quiet and write them down before I lose them." He explains, holding up his notepad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I feel like I've intruded, or messed up his groove, about to leave him alone to finish but he puts his hand on my knee to stop me from standing up.

"No, no, it's fine." He insists, taking his hand off of me, not thinking anything of it, despite me feeling warmth radiate from where he touched me.

I ignore it.

"I've already gotten everything I had in mind, so far." He explains. "Just a verse and chorus."

"What's the name of it?" I ask, and he scratches the back of his neck.

"I don't know if I need to tell you. I'm superstitious about this stuff, Viv." He tells me, even though he's completely full of shit.

He just wants to aggravate me.

"It's just the title, Duff. You let me hear you say 'turn around, bitch, I gotta use for you' and this can't be worse than that." I point out and he chuckles, licking his lips before looking at me.

His hand covers the lyrics, exposing the title line of the page.

"Paradise City" is scribbled in his writing and I smile when he moves his hand and let's me read  the chorus, and verse that he's gotten so far, a giant smile pulling at my lips.

"Who the hell inspired this?" I ask him, raising my brows.

"Nobody particular." He shrugs. "You like it?"

"I already love it." I tell him.

Not to compare two completely different bands who earned their names all on their own, but there are a few song parallels between Guns N' Rose's Appetite for Destruction, and Mötley Crüe's Girls, Girls, Girls albums.

Guns' Welcome to the Jungle was like Mötley's Wild Side. Paradise City was like Girls, Girls, Girls. Mr. Brownstone was like Dancing on Glass. But my favorite parallel has to be Sweet Child O Mine and You're All I Need.

I remember Nikki had given me a tape of You're All I Need after we got into a massive argument because he thought I was spending too much time with Duff. But he had practically accused me of having feelings for Duff, and even acting on them (which was pretty hypocritical being that he'd been screwing Vanity since 1986 at that point.)

A few weeks later, Nikki convinced me to come down to the studio so he could personally give me a copy of a song he had written me, and me--being excited--decided I wanted the guys to hear it, too.

I went to the Franklin Plaza where Steven, Duff, Slash, Izzy and Axl were hanging out, discussing a meeting they'd had with their label.

When I told them Nikki wrote a love song about me (thinking it was his way of trying to patch up our marriage and say to the world "I love this woman") the guys had to hear it, not believing me.

The ballad started beautifully, tears coming to my eyes, but my warmed heart quickly began boiling in my chest by the time the second chorus ended.

"I don't think this is a love song." Izzy stated, while shaking his head a little.

"Yeah, uh...he's talking about killing you." Axl had told me, everyone seemed slightly disturbed.

"Your girlfriends get Sweet Child O Mine and what does the dedicated wife that has done nothing but love this sick bastard get?! A song dedicated to his deep desire to murder me!"

"Dude, hasn't he actually tried to kill you before?" Steven asked.

Which made the song even more ironic, along with the last line of the chorus, "and I loved you but you didn't love me" which in itself was slap in the fucking face.

I didn't hear the full song at that time because Duff had took it out of the player and stomped it under his cowboy boot.

That pretty much set the tone for the months to come.

"You're also incredibly biased." He replies in the same tone and I nudge him with my elbow.

"You don't know how many songs I have actually had to tear out of Nikki's hand and hide them from him because they were so bad I just could not allow them to be recorded." I tell him.

"Oh, please." He brushes me off.

"Have you heard 'Theater of Pain'?" I ask him with raised brows.

"Yeah."

"Home Sweet Home and Smokin' in the Boy's Room were the only really good ones. And Smokin' in the Boy's Room was a cover. The other songs were songs I didn't know were written, or I would have hid them from him, too." I state and he tries not to laugh, but fails, making himself snort, which kickstarts my laughter. 

Once we settle down, he clears his throat, and gets a kind of serious expression on his face.

"I really wish he wasn't on that shit, Viv." He tells me and I don't even have to ask who he's talking about. "I mean, I'm not judging him or whatever because Izzy and Slash are in on that stuff, too, but...I just hate to see he's on it, because it's kinda hard to manage it once you hit a certain point, ya know?" He asks and I nod a little. "I think he's a pretty cool guy...so it sucks to see him act like that."

"It's not that bad, right now." I tell him, completely in denial. "He's still Nikki, he just does stuff he's not suppose to. That's nothing new to me."

"I'm just a little worried, is all." He admits.

"There's no need to be." I reassure him. "He's got a handle on things."

Dear God did I eat those words a week later in Dallas, Texas.

It's like watching a fucking car accident. 

Except instead of a car, it's my husband, and instead of a car accident, it's him losing his ever loving mind, crouched on the hotel room desk, as he babbles on, making absolutely no sense as he shouts at his parents who aren't even present.

I just came back from the pool, got a shower, and came in to him doing this.

"Nikki!" I try to get him out of whatever drug-induced show he's on.

"I'm not me! I'm not Nikki! I'm someone else!" He insists, hands yanking at his hair, his eyes completely taken over by an entirely different beast. 

I panic, immediately calling Fred.

"The fuck is wrong?!" He asks when I open the door, hearing Nikki's screaming and carrying on and I try to keep the absolute fear that's locking up my system from showing.

"I-I don't know. I got in from the pool and he was kinda jittery but I thought he'd done some blow, but then he started screaming when I was in the shower and now he's--"

Fred gets tired of hearing Nikki's meaningless shrieks at people who aren't in the room with us, and snatches him off the desk.

Nikki hits the floor, and a switch is flipped, sending him into strong convulsions, opting thick, white foam to pour from his mouth.

"Fuck, Sixx!" Fred lets out, turning him on his side. "Get me a roll of toilet-paper." He barks at me and I do as I'm told, saying a very colorful, silent prayer in my head. 

He tries to get Nikki to bite down on it to keep him from biting his tongue, but Nikki can't do it. screaming instead.

When I think I can't take the confused, scared, out-of-character shrill, it's like God himself knocks Nikki out, leaving Fred and I in complete silence, riddled with what just happened.

Fred checks his pulse and sighs in relief, looking at me.

"Viv, are you alright?" He asks me, taking deep breaths.

"Y-yeah." I say, nodding, even though I know it's written all over my face that I can't be further from "alright."

"Vivian--"

"I just need a second." I tell him, standing up to go to the bathroom, disguising oncoming tears in a strong, steady voice that's physically uncomfortable to push past the lump in my throat.

I lock myself inside the bathroom and turn the water back on, gripping the counter before I find myself in the floor, quiet sobs rocking through me.

I just want my Nikki back...not this tainted demon nesting himself in Nikki's skin, festering his bullshit in Nikki's mind.

By the time I'm worn down from crying, and tired from lying on the bathroom floor, I pull myself up and open the bathroom door, stepping into the room.

I guess Fred put Nikki in the bed before he left, because Nikki's still passed out, just tucked in the covers. 

I get pajamas on, scared to even touch him because I don't want him to start seizing again.

Cautiously getting closer to him, nestling my forehead against his arm, I thank God for the feeling of his pulse under my finger tips in the crook of his arm, and find myself passing out with utter exhaustion.

The next morning, Nikki's really quiet.

I'm not sure if he remembers what happened last night, but I'm not asking him. 

After finding a needle and evidence of an 8-ball of coke, he can lick my twat if he thinks I'm talking to him anytime soon. 

The video shoot for Home Sweet Home is happening today, and a limo picks Nikki and I up at the hotel, driving us to the venue, neither of us acknowledging the other. 

Once we get there, someone's dressing Nikki like a damn toddler, because he's too fucked from last night to dress himself in his done up stage costume.

Nikki was so, so, so, obviously, utterly fucked up when they filmed the music video for Home Sweet Home. 

The entire time, he was chugging Jack to try to calm himself down from a high he later described felt like, "being on acid and speed at the same time" and with the way he was acting like he couldn't see a damn thing, I believe it. 

He kept sunglasses on a majority of the time so people couldn't see how his eye were practically doing cartwheels. 

"Viv, we're about to start, where's Nikki?" His bass tech asks me and I glance around, furrowing my brows a little.

"I haven't seen in him about an hour. He went over there by the stage...at least I think he did." I tell him, stepping over to the last place I saw him. "He was here and..." I trail off, hearing Nikki having a full blown conversation, his voice coming from underneath the stage.

The two of us sit and listen for a moment, realizing Nikki's just talking, taking long pauses, then answering a question that was never asked by anybody, not even himself.

"Who is he talking to?" His tech asks me under his breath so Nikki won't hear.

I roll my jaw, getting fed up.

"Probably the fucking demon he sees and befriends every time he gets high." I state, fully believing that at this point, there is indeed a demon following him around, breathing down his neck, stripping him of his control and cheering him on with each grain of coke, bottle of Jack, cc of heroin and prescription-grade pill.

"Nikki," His tech starts. "Who're you talking to?"

"I'm talking. Leave me alone." Nikki argues.

"Nikki." I state, looking at him. 

It's the first time he's heard my voice all day.

"There's nobody there, baby. C'mon." I motion my hand for him to get out from under the stage.

"Leave me alone!" He snaps at me, nearly hissing.

"Dude, calm down, you're freaking out." His tech tells him. 

"Nikki, get your ass out from under there or so help me God, I will come in and drag you out by your dick." I promise him. 

He puffs up like a pissed off rooster and stomps out, passing by us, grumbling under his breath.

Do you wanna know what was really fucked up about that time? Vince couldn't have a beer without someone losing their mind. He was supposed to be sober. Nikki would bust Vince's balls if he even saw him looking at a bottle...but then Nikki would load anything and everything into his body, simultaneously.

Vince quickly became the odd man out, and had been ever since that night with Razzle. There was this vibe, this tension, that Vince was only kept in the band at that time, because they were getting hotter and hotter, and each member was the ticket to reach their full potential as a band. Each member was important.

Without Tommy, there was no band. Without Mick, there was no band. Without Nikki, there was no band.

And without Vince, there was no band...that was the one that really didn't sit too well with Sikki.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #mick mars #tommy lee #mötley crüe #the dirt