#this is negative so don’t ruin your vibe just to read it lol

[dancedance-resolution]

up past my bedtime yadda yadda

in theory i am so incredibly in love with plants and i want my home to be overflowing with plants so i can just look at them and be with them all the time. i want to surround myself with plants bc they are beautiful and nature and also surrounding myself self with cultivated plants is so deeply human and i . in theory i want it so badly

but in reality i’m. beginning to think i can’t do this. i so easily get stressed out about my plants. i go on youtube and someone just discovered thrips on their plant and their other one needs repotting and this one’s got sunburn and now i’ve got heart palpitations about these issues that are not even mine. so maybe the solution is stop consuming plant content online? i don’t know

so there’s the anxiety and then there’s the money. now that i’m working it’s like. i see everything in hours. i want to buy some reeds for my cousin and myself but they cost 2.5 hours of work, and is it worth it? and with all the other things i need to be spending my money on instead, is it worth it? and also there’s the element of. it will never be enough. i will have my reeds and then i will want an anthurium. and then i will have my anthurium and then i will want a different type of anthurium. and so on and so forth until i’m out of space and i’m still unsatisfied

AND LIKE. PART OF THE REASON WHY IM FRUSTRATED IS THAT THESE ARE ME PROBLEMS. if i could get a hold on my anxiety and get a hold on my “never enough” feelings/inclinations, i could find a lot of joy in my plants. and so at what point do i have to resign and say ‘my anxious brain cannot handle having plants and that is okay. i am accepting the way my brain is.” or do i say “having plants is really fucking important to me so i am going to work on my anxious brain” and be idealistic and crash and burn.

i also wonder if i only like plants in theory. i would kill to have a trevesia palmata, even just a tiny guy in my room. but would i actually enjoy it? would i actually treasure that plant?

honestly the only plants that decidedly bring me joy right now are my oxalis and agnetha. carrie as well brings me joy but to a lesser degree. katrina is a bit stressful; my umbrella tree is neat i guess but doesn’t Spark joy; my desert rose gives me anxiety; my ikea ficus bonsai is neat i guess? but again doesn’t Spark joy . oh and mina gives me so much anxiety i’ve cried over her before lol.

and so like okay maybe the solution is . imagine giving them away. if i hadn’t paid any money for them, giving away mina would be sad but a relief in a way. like i wish i was able to love her but i can’t bc of my anxiety and maybe that’s okay. but then it’s like oh my god !!!!!! that’s $30 down the drain bc who wants to take on a horribly thrip infested dying ficus!!!! but then it’s also.

is the energy of this plant net positive or net negative. mina would be net negative bc the joy she brings me in her beauty is outweighed by the stress of her. agnetha is net positive, as is my oxalis (most of the time). umbrella tree and desert rose feel neutral; ficus triangularis feels slightly net negative. carrie is net negative at the moment but i’m so fucking hoping she will be net positive within a year or two.

HHHHHH. and so looking at that i feel like. the conclusion is i only like plants that are easy care. which sucks bc !!!!!! i am in love with some “hard” care plants lol . but like follow up. maybe this is part of the never satisfied/never enough mentality so maybe i need to accept that it’s only easy care plants for me . except gah the only reason agnetha and my oxalis are easy care is bc i’ve never had a pest scare with them, so even ostensibly easy plants could become hard and stressful very easily?????

i feel like my brain is so full of things and i feel so inadequate as a human even though logically i know i am not

i want to put mina by the dumpster but andrea will be mad at me

i hate that i need psych meds and i know it’s just bc i’m up too late but i want to self sabotage and cold turkey off them etc etc. except i know in reality i need a higher dose . i reeeeeeally need a higher dose. but on the petty side i don’t fucking want a higher dose lol bc it makes the gp worse and i miss having a sex drive so much, oh my god. i miss being able to ring the devils doorbell and not have it have to be a whole event. i miss having the desire to read and write porn. and like !!!!!!!!!!!! i suppose this is sort of related to the plant thing and since wellbutrin, the only theoretical alternative, fucks me up i just need to . accept that at least for this point in my life i have to accept that zoloft is more important than my sexuality or whatever (RAGE). INDONT KNOW. i feel like !!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO YOUNG AND I NEED TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THINKING AGOUT EVERYTHING. I WANT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT ALL LOL. I WAJT TO BE ABLE TO BUY A PLANT AND NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR MONTHS AND FEEL STRESSED FOR MONTHS AND ALSO I WOULD LIKE THE ABILITY TO HAVE CASUAL PRGASMS LIKE I USED TO. HUT IT ISNT A UTOPIS AND I HAVENTO ACCEPT THAT AND I HAVE TO . ACCEPT THAT AND LEARN HOW TO DIND CONTENTMENT AMONSGT IT . also. i wish i could talk to my humans about it????? like how am i supposed to tell my catholic anti sex mother i don’t want a higher dose bc i want to fucking whore myself out to sin. how am i (young) supposed to tell my 60somethingn year old male psychiatrist who never even brought up sexual side effects of meds (presumably bc i was still a minor when i started with him) that i can’t stand the fact that i need more zoloft bc i want to fuck myself and write about fucking and read about fucking and feel ‘i want to fuck them’ feelings again and then fuck myself about jt

i think. it would be very nice if i didn’t have clinical anxiety/depression/pmdd/ptsd/etc. other than the adhd autism i want a CLEAN SLATE. . and it would be very very nice if i didn’t have to take care of my fucking teeth. bc then i could be content and ring the devils doorbell and not have the anxiety of knowing i am personally responsible for the rot in my mouth . and also no more nightmares please. and ni more excessive constant guilt.

if you read this whyyyyyyyfhdichksgdi and also please forget everything you read! my brain is weird about writing things that can be Perceives bc validation or whatever? but i don’t Actually Want Them To Be Perceived I Think. i don’t know. it’s too late and i’m probably hungry too. that’s another thing - it would be nice to have a functioning interoceptive system. i want to be SELFISH&PETTY And for it to be okay

#delete later #this is negative so don’t ruin your vibe just to read it lol #actually please don’t read it at all lol <3 #just posting bc my brain feels weird about . validity of thoughts and such

[sixthwater]

no what do you mean i didn't impulsively get this idea and then fuck over my sleep schedule to do it Hi :) I like music. So I did this. That's it.

This is a very quick personality like pac and the way this is going to work is, I viewed you as if you were a song (pretty straight-forward) so the questions that were asked were:

Q1: Overall Theme (Archetype & Divine Tarot) Q2: Mood of the Song (Astro Oracles) Q3: Type of lyrics (Affirmators)

This is not my normal in depth readings (even though some piles tried to be) but I hope you still enjoy it.

(Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 5)

Decks Used: Archetype Oracle, Tarot of the Divine, Arcana of Astrology Oracle, claves astrologicae, Affirmators!

Disclaimer | Pinned | Paid Readings

Pile One

Transformative songs. You let every situation you encounter fully consume you and spit you out as someone else — not completely different, but more experienced. Your songs don’t shy away from your faults, they toss they into the spotlight actually. They inspire you to create and motivate you to change, as well as to help others through tough times. Your songs can seem a bit negative, especially if you pay attention the lyrics, but they’re supposed to be comforting. They remind me of those songs that have a very soft melody while the lyrics are talking about how much of a wreck their life is, or how at the end of it all nothing matters. You spill your thoughts, they’re on full display for others to take comfort in the fact that they’re not alone with those worries or troubles. You also don’t wallow in your pain either. You’d express that it’s okay to show moments of vulnerability, and when you’re ready, you have the ability to stand up and face your fears to overcome challenges you thought you’d never overcome. You’d probably find yourself sitting in people’s motivational or safe place playlists.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Catastrophe – Forever The Sickest Kids, I’m Not Okay But I Know I’m Going To Be – Raleigh Ritchie, Masterpiece Theatre I – Marianas Trench, As Good As It Gets – Set It Off, if we never met – John K, Only You – Ellie Goulding, Strangers Like Me – Phil Collins

Pile Two

Before I fully get into this, Golden by Fall Out Boy keeps standing out to me. It’s not really going to be like the rest, but it feels more like a catharsis underneath it all; like ‘I’ve ruined so many things, I’m putting on a brave face like it’s okay but it’s not’ type of deal. It’s funny too because I wasn’t done wrapping up Pile One and this pile was trying to grab my attention, and look at your cards lol. So anyway. This pile reminds me of Saucy Santana, Lizzo, or a few other specific songs that I’ve found on the BBE playlist. Very light-hearted but in your face. It also feels a bit defensive or protective of it’s own energy like some of Meg’s recent songs (I’ve only heard a snippet of some so I might be wrong). All the artists I’ve listed so far are either mainstream or they’re popular on tiktok so that’s also a vibe I guess. Overall, there’s the theme of doing what you want when you want, regardless of what people say. I can see some lyrics in there that would be seen as ‘firing back’ at others as well when there’s critique. I don’t know why this feels like a celebrity reading all of a sudden lol. It really reminds me of Lizzo though because as much as I enjoy her sometimes there’s this feeling of subtly being on the defense and being very loud about your personality and going ‘yeah I’m that bitch’ even when no one really asked. Now getting back into Golden from earlier: there will definitely be some breaks within this projection. If it’s not ‘I’ve ruined some things with how I’ve acted’, it’s a sense that your inner pain seeps through and you need to let it out, and people don’t expect that much hurt from someone who is so outwardly strong.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Golden – Fall Out Boy, Material Girl – Saucy Santana, Set Off – Hey Monday, Hide&Seek – Namie Amuro, All You Wanted – Michelle Branch, Everybody Dies – Kim Petras, One Of Me (feat. Elton John) – Lil Nas X

Pile Three

Ugh, I get it parents just don’t understand. Quick note, struggled to control getting your cards. Very explosive, loud, innocent and childlike sort of. Very reflective of the cards I’m seeing, this quick pick a card is just turning into a normal one you guys. This pile is pretty straight-forward so it might be a little short. Loud in showing up for other people who come from broken homes or troubled childhoods and helping them own their own colors. Showing them that they’re not the problem, they’re not outcasts, they’re fine just the way they are. Music is loud, something to purge emotions to, but also somewhat playful sometimes. It’s reclaiming your childhood. Opening up about a shitty past and seeming like a ‘light’ for those who seek that comfort, while also showing that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel (with the bad comes the good). Coming to terms with the past through creation. There are minor similarities with Pile One but the delivery of it is vastly different.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Walking Disaster – Sum 41, Pop Punk Pizza Party – Sunrise Skater Kids, Dani California – Red Hot Chili Peppers, Your Star – Evanescence, I’m Not Okay (I Promise) – My Chemical Romance, Dangerous – Set It Off, No Parallels – Hands Like Houses

Pile Four

Okay, very interesting combination of cards guys. Finally got my love song pile though. I believe there might also be a mix of just feel good songs though too, but definitely more romance songs. It feels more like pining at times, or songs that describe their ideal partner. Some of you will be in that pool, while the other group of you are in the batch of expressing how much of a catch you are. What’s interesting is that I’m not getting any songs that are in the typical mood of love. They’re all intense and grungy, or not about love period. Which I think this page of pentacles is attributing to. Aaahh it’s reminding me of Taylor Swift a bit lol. This is. Objective. It feels like a very dreamy and idealized perception of what love is, to the point of being taken advantage of. When that happens, there is a lot of aggression and vengeance that pops out because the emotions would be poured out into the song. I’m only really familiar with one song so there might be a better song but yeah. It’s essentially like, the highs are high and the lows are low. Very emotional music and can absolutely make people feel things, kind of like Lana Del Rey (I just have to trust others on that one, also don’t listen to her haha). Yeah oh my god all the music I’m getting is intense as hell lmao I was expecting some of my softer sweeter music to come through but everything so far is heavy. For songs that aren’t romantic, it’s about not growing up in a sense, like not losing your innocence or seeing the world through your pure eyes and being very adamant about it. None of that ‘nice guys finish last’ bullshit. Yes it can get you into hurtful situations, but you’d never give up that quality of yours, and you base your music around it, because part of this pile feels more of like a personality reading.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Gashina – Sunmi, Afraid – The Neighbourhood, Bad Blood – Taylor Swift, Louder – Roselia, GONE, GONE / THANK YOU – Tyler, The Creator, 2 Soon – keshi, Run the Show (feat. Don Omar) – Kat DeLuna, Decided to Break It – Marianas Trench

Pile Five

Okay Aquarius. Your songs stand out in a crowd, but they’re also a reflection of you mental and emotional state. As well as your opinions on the state of the world. It’d be very easy to go back and check on where you were at in your life by cycling through your albums. I can see a lot of distinct sounds in your music. It doesn’t have to be weird or off-putting, but compared to the artists that would be within your circle (if you really belonged to one), you would definitely not blend into the background very easily. I can see your emotions not coming through so easily within your music, but your viewpoints or reactions to things? That’s immediately pinpointed, maybe even presented on a silver platter with the theme. Feeling kind of like how My Chemical Romance with their stories and themes, but specifically for you I’d say Danger Days. Not the song, but those topics specifically. I do sense that maybe your music may have impulsive reactions without the full truth which can cause some chaos, since it’s fueled by your emotions or slight insecurity (caused by constant scrutiny or criticism) — so your reaction might be a bit intense since you hold your emotions back within your music so it seems like the response is out of balance. Your music would probably be an outlet for a lot of unspoken thoughts or feelings though, hence the prominent ‘new phase and transformation’ or ‘time for clarity’ cards. Through this, you can figure yourself out and do some spring cleaning. I do feel that sometimes you might just say shit or run with rumors about you for fun because people should be able to do some research and not believe everything they hear or read, and that might cause a little bit of trouble as well. It’s like ‘oh everyone says I’m a drama queen so yeah you know what they’re absolutely right the theme for this song is that I’m 100% hard to please’ and people take you seriously lol.

(for some it’s just the tempo, for some it’s the lyrics) Songs: Courage – P!nk, Villain – Stella Jang, Creepshow – Kerli, Cyber Stockholm Syndrome – Rina Sawayama, Two Princes – Spin Doctors, Haunted House – DBMK, Too Much – Carly Rae Jepsen, Robot Rock – Daft Punk, My Own Dance – Kesha

#pick a card #pick a card reading #pac #tarot #tarot reading #tarotblr #mysticalcreations

[sapphroditewrites]

Introduction Post!/DNI List

Hi, my name is aurora, im 24, and i have a full time job sooo unfortunately frequent fic updates/posts aren’t a guarantee. but i do love to write, and i find the time to do it when i can! My pronouns are she/her and I identify as a lesbian. i grew up in south jersey and i live in philly now, so i curse like a sailor. my zodiac sun is capricorn, my moon is leo, my rising is virgo (for all u astrology hoes out there) and im INFP if that means anything to u (i dont understand it at all)

im part of the unholy trinity of bishova, we come up with silly little fic ideas that turn into full-length novels together. they’re the reason i write, and i lov them a lot. u should follow them (functionally-medicated and laurie-bishop) on here, if u want the full experience. if anything ever happened to them or if anybody ever hurt them emotionally or physically i would hunt that person down in a completely feral state, unaware of my surroundings or actions, and what follows is not for me to say or take blame for.

Here’s some links:

my linktr.ee, which is basically all of these in one place except my ao3 bc minors follow me on tiktok and i... dont want them reading my fics or at least i dont wanna know abt them reading my fics lol

my main blog (desktop link)

My Twitter (until the rat man ruins it for good, this is the main place for my madness)

My ao3 (Please note that due to my deep fear of ai stealing my shit, all of my fics are only accessible to ao3 users; i will not be posting them anywhere else.)

And yes, my tiktok. (it’s literally just shitposts, mostly bishova)

DM’s and Ask Box are open for questions, comments, etc! Don’t be shy to ask about anything, I’m an open book and I give very mid advice. (if u are looking for romantic advice please know most of my exes cheated on me and i have deeply rooted emotional issues. so my advice will be ‘break up’ or ‘just ask them out the worst they can say is no’. if those are not the answers u seek i am not ur love doctor) I’m not taking requests for fics, but i’m down for discussion for ideas and i might even end up writing something! If I do, I’ll ofc refer to the post(s) and give credit where it’s due. Or if it’s a blurb/drabble I’ll just respond in the ask.

You DO NOT have permission to share/steal my work onto other platforms unless it’s for the sole purpose of promoting the fic itself. For example, if you like to share links to your favorite fics on a tumblr or discord, that’s fine. You cannot claim it as your own, nor do I want anything read in a recorded space or shared with any cast/crew/whatever. (It makes me uncomfortable, and yes, this is something that has happened before lol.) Please and thank you x

OK DNI:

-if you write/read noncon/dubcon and dead dove fics, i have a lot of really negative views and putting them all here will just make my teeth itch

-if you’re a minor, please dni with my 18+ content!!!!!! I realize I can’t prevent y’all from coming here or reading my fics but i dont need to hear about it! im happy ur reading my stuff, and im very grateful, but pls understand that as an adult it makes me uncomfy hearing abt it, and any normal adult should probably feel that way.

-however, if u are a minor and an adult on here is giving u some weird vibes this blog is very much a safe space to talk abt them, i am very here for u, idc who they are or who you are, i do not tolerate adults taking advantage of kids in any way shape or form and i will go full mama bear mode

-terfs and maps/p*dos and other similar degenerates stay far the fuck away. i am not above publicly shaming you, and i am really really good at swinging and hitting low. i will bring up ur dead relative and im going to talk abt fucking ur mom. if ur mom is dead ill talk abt fucking ur dad. i dont care.

-lemme reiterate, TERFS are NOT ALLOWED. i specifically hate you so deeply, so intensely, my breasts ache with rage at the thought of being able to verbally or physically smack one of you bitches into the dirt. on this blog we respect the FUCK out of pronouns and gender identity and if u can’t vibe with that i genuinely think u are actual garbage, u are subhuman to me, if god asked me to recreate the caste system you would be at the bottom and i would get off to watching you suffer.

-i am once again repeating dead dove accounts stay far away from me. i dont go out of my way to be a bitch to you directly, so i am just asking you do the same for me. i do think we can hate each other and co-exist, unlike me and the terfs. 

(random shit about me below the cut line. im sorry, it’s best u just find out i am literally insane right off the bat)

i work at a small coffee shop that’s also a chocolate/ice cream store (i will not be writing a coffee shop au, unless it’s for one of the unholy trinity or someone who has a plot idea that will make me overlook writing my job in fanfic). i do actually think i am the hottest person in the room most of the time, and the funniest at least half of the time.

My hobbies include complaining, playing ps4 or my nintendo switch (please tell me if u play ACNH, i had to get a new switch and my whole ass island was deleted. i need some fucking iron nuggets please im begging on my knees), and playing chess on chess dot com. (yes, im single, thank u for asking). i can play a weird variety of instruments but not well. I rewatch glee every other month, and twilight every month. i can recite the entire first 20-30 mins of the emperor’s new groove from memory, and also most of yzma’s lines. i have a lot of love for satire and adult cartoons, meaning i will unironically defend south park (but my favorite adult cartoons are bob’s burgers, king of the hill, and futurama) my favorite color is pink, my favorite singers are Amy Winehouse & Taylor Swift (and i could write an entire essay on their lyrical geniuses, musical styles, and what songs of theirs i think go together perfectly). my favorite food is potatoes, my favorite animals are bears (specifically the spectacled bear), and my favorite flowers are pink japanese camellias. now you know the most intimate details of my personality. holy shit are you still reading. bro i just put this here because i thought it would be funny. i ddin’t even think someone would read this post. damn u must really wanna know abt me huh. ok well my favorite alcoholic drink is some goddamn jim beam bourbon or whiskey over a lot of ice. close second is jack and coke. i’m on antipsychotics so i can’t get drunk often, and when i do it’s after 2 drinks. i can’t take nyquil because it aggravates my mental issues. i am allergic to pollen, tree nuts, and literal spiders and mosquitoes (their bites give me rashes that look like im dying of some rare disease). i have 8 tattoos. i do 2000 crunches a day. i can hold a plank for 2 mins and 33 seconds. (learning margot robbie can do this for 4 mins has awakened something very competitive in me). i can hold the flex arm hang for so long i get bored and have to stop. holy shit dude ur still reading? jesus chirst. i can read tarot cards. i can read runestones. i’ve had the same nightmare/dream since i was 7, in different angles / places / scenarios, but always the same universe. i read wiki articles for fun and it’s not even about cool things like ww1 or the geneva convention. i have 2 older brothers that i love. we are the same people. my mom is my favorite person. she is why my brothers and i are Like That. my stepdad gave me good taste in film and women. my stepmom’s life is more interesting than mine or yours ever will be. my dad is slowly becoming a swifty, but he’s also unfortunately starting to fall down the right-wing pipeline and it’s a mega fucking bummer dude. thanks, joe rogan. i can do a not good kermit the frog impression but by god will i keep doing it. if im not in film for writing or directing then im going for acting bc at the end of the day at least im cute and funny. i am fully convinced i could kick ben shapiro’s ass. i am also fully convinced i could kick joe rogan’s ass. i play chess so that if i am for whatever reason challenged by andrew tate, i can humiliate him and make him fucking weep. and i also just like it and have been playing it my entire life. i am a certified pothead and stoner, and i vibe heaviest w the sober ppl at parties. speaking of parties and bars, i am the drunk white girl in the bathroom that tells you you look beautiful, sometimes while sobbing. speaking of sobbing, i cry really easily watching movies and tv shows, and i have gotten really good at holding it back just enough so i get that cheryl blossom style single tear down the cheek for a bit. i can cry on command, and my form of self-defense is barking (and now ppl are starting to do it on tiktok so it feels less original but it also feels good knowing that it’s so fucking effective) ok dam if u really read all this ur fucking nuts dude kudos to u tho. i am literally actually insane though fr fr like not in a cute way literally in a ‘what is wrong with u’ way. lots of things is the answer. 

#intro post #dni list #ummmmm this is probably fine #im old i dont care about formatting im sorry #i tried to make it as not ugly as possible while still making it slightly jarring so that it's read #also important to mention i have a touch of mental spice so sometimes my fics will be Fucking Sad #Sorry About That #i will try to keep the existentialism to a minimum

[g0ldengubler]

chapter two~a mysterious night

(*i do not own this gif*)

A/N: aaaaaaa i know i know i went from a really long chapter to a filler, but at least y'all get some backstory to how Y/N feels and thinks! thank you guys so much for the love on chapter 1! it seriously means a lot :’) also, i’ve been asked about a taglist and that was the one note i completely forgot about. i’m unfamiliar with them so if someone could message me what taglists are and what its purpose is that would be amazing! don’t worry though, those who have asked about it will be put on once i get to it, just ask for your patience. ok, enjoy the next chapter :)

Category: fluff

CW: there’s a bit of smut in here and mentions of weed and hangovers, but other than that it’s just a pure fluffy filler :)

Word Count: 2065

before you read | last chapter | next chapter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You woke up the next day feeling so/so. You didn't feel hungover because you were smart and had lots of water in between drinks, probably because your mouth would get dry whenever you got even more high. You look over to the other side of the couch and see Spencer, still asleep. He was hugging his book bag like he did on the jet when he took a nap. You quietly get out your phone and check up on anything you might've missed, which even though you had a lot of notifications from tweets and story updates, nothing was there for you to click on it quickly and check it out. You open your photos app and look at the pictures and short videos you took from last night. You always documented every party, every time you hung out with another human being, because those moments meant a lot to you. You didn't get them often in life.

You swipe along, remembering how the night ended. After Spencer got out of the bathroom, everything went back to normal, like that little thing he did never happened. You finished the game and then Garcia got up with Morgan and they started dancing to the music that was still playing. They invited everyone else to get up and dance, too and that you did.  You danced with Spencer, but not in a seductive way. You were both being goofy and doing stupid moves that made everyone else in the room question you. You were even showing him ones that people do online and he wasn't getting it at all because he doesn't use social media. It was so hilarious you almost peed your pants from laughing so hard. If this was a sober event would you laugh that much? Probably not, but you couldn't help it. Jj was passed out through the whole dance party and Emily eventually did as well, snuggling with her. When you looked over to see them, they were still in the same positions they were last night.

Garcia walks in with some tea and Advil. "Oh good, I had a feeling you'd be awake!" She whispered.

She hands you a very colorful mug with pink and purple tie dye pattern and unicorns all over it. You told her thank you and took the Advil. "Oooo, pumpkin spice my favorite!" you said after taking a sip. "I had a feeling," she said, "You give me fall vibes through and through."

"Are you sure you're not a profiler as well, Penelope?"

Garcia chuckled. "I mean, when you work with them for over a decade, some it rubs right onto you."

Slowly everyone else woke up and you helped Garcia handing out the aid. Spencer woke up last and as you handed him his Advil and tea, he spoke raspy, "I haven't had a headache like this in months."

"I'm sure you'll live." you said, roughing up his hair a bit more than it already was. You check the time and your phone and stood up quickly. "Hey, I'm sorry guys I know we were planning on going to breakfast but I feel more tired than I should so I think I'm gonna go take a nap at my place."

"I can give you a ride." said Spencer.

"Yeah, that'd be great, Thanks Spence!"

You say goodbye to everyone and thanked Garcia for a wonderful night. She promised that this night can happen again with the girls on Friday night and you were all in for it. You walked out with Spencer and got in his car and drove home. It was quiet at first. You kept looking over at him, thinking about last night, wanting more of his touch, even more than his touch. You needed him, but you knew that it probably won't happen again.

"So, you remember anything about last night?" you asked him, trying to be normal about it but you could feel yourself failing.

"I do actually," he said, "I never knew this about myself, but even as messed up as I was, my eidetic memory still worked."

You began to blush as your eyes grew a bit wide. So he remembers what we did then? You thought to yourself. You were silent again the rest of the way there. You were pretty close to your apartment when all of a sudden you felt a hand rest on your thigh. You look up to see it was Spencers, but you didn't flinch. You didn't want to be obvious and ruin everything. You stayed quiet until he spoke, "I also remember the fun we had in Garcia's room."

To your surprise, you were already back at your place. You went to the back to grab your bags and went to the passenger window. "Thank you again, Spence!"

"Anytime you did a ride, I'll be your chauffeur!"

You both smiled and you waved goodbye. You started walking to the front door when Spencer called out for you again. "Y/N wait!"

You turn around, confused as to what he was gonna say. You didn't think it would be...

"Call me when you wake up, I have something planned for us tonight if you're down."

A Couple Hours Later

"Spence, don't stop!"

He kept going, not going off beat as he made you scream for him. You could feel your stomach in knots. You were ready for him. You needed him inside you. He was making you scream, begging him for it. He gave you a dark smile. He was really enjoying the sight of you so helpless and being a little brat.

You could  tell he was close by his cock twitching.

"Spencer I'm close pleeeasseee!" you beg.

"Cum for me.  Be a good girl and cum for daddy." he growled.

It was building up and building up. You were ready....

*Ding Ding*

You wake up to your phone going off. How long had you been asleep. You slowly grab your phone and see that it was 3pm. Not too bad you guessed. You saw you had a couple of text messages from the BAU group chat, sharing the pictures from last night. You remembered what happened on the way home, yet you couldn't remember  the dream you just had. Shit, you said you'd call him.

You go to the group chat and click on his name to call. As it rings, you get nervous as to what he had in mind of doing.

"Hello?" (A/N: Think of that one audio on tik tok where he starts of with saying hello and then it goes to 'baby hotline' lol)

"Spence, hey! It's Y/N."

"Oh hey Y/N! I have something fun planned if you want to hang out tonight."

"What's that?"

He was quiet for a moment, then spoke again but sounded unsure of himself. "Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure if you'd find it fun. It might be boring but um...would you want to get high and walk around DC?"

You thought for a moment. This wasn't a bad idea, but part of you was kind of surprised that he asked you. He could've asked Jj or Emily or Garcia since she was the one who gave you the pens. Why would he ask the newbie? Then you remembered that he said he remembered everything from last night...

"Sure," you said, "sounds fun! What time were you thinking?"

"Let's say 10pm? You know that park that's on Jefferson?"

"Yeah, I remember seeing it when I gave myself a little tour of the city."

"What?!" He sounded shocked, but he could've just been playful. Why would anyone be shocked at you? "You did a tour by yourself?"

"Well yeah silly, I gave myself a tour the day before my first!"

"Ok, that's it. Our walk around the city will now be an official tour and I'll be your official tour guide!"

You let out a little laugh. "Ok, "pretty boy", I'll take you up on that."

"Great! I'll see you there at 10!"

You said your goodbyes and hung up. Spencer sounded more confident than when you first met him. You thought that he would be the shy and awkward type that would take days, even weeks, to ask someone to even hang out with him, let alone go on a date. Wait, was this a date? No. A date would be like fancy dinner with expensive wine and then either going somewhere after that or back to either place and have sex. This was just two friends getting high and hanging out, you finally convinced yourself, Like anyone, even Spencer for that matter, would like you enough to take out on a date.

So now, you had 7 hours to not overthink and play in your head how you think this would go. This was the time to pretend like it was just something in your planner that you wrote down to do for the day. You wondered why you were so flustered and nervous to hang out with someone, acting like it was a date. Did that little scandalous event you had last night really affect you that much? You told yourself to snap out of it a few times before going into the kitchen to make yourself something to eat.

Once you had your food, you grabbed a beer and headed to the couch to continue rewatching Murder, She Wrote on Netflix. You didn't watch much tv, but when you do it's mostly crime shows, Rupaul's Drag Race, or old sitcoms like Golden Girls. Murder, She Wrote had always been your comfort show. It something you went to when having a bad day or you were nervous about something. Anything negative you felt, you turned on the show and think about living like Jessica when you retired. Moving to a small town on the east coast, writing stories and making friends with everyone. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that you wanted to be like Rossi, too.

And there you were, for 3 hours hours before you took the remaining four you had left to get ready.

10pm-Jefferson Park

You make your way into the park. It was chilly, dark, and peaceful, something you admired about the night. You had gotten ready before, but didn't do anything special. You wore your grandpa sweater with black mom jeans and your vans. Your makeup was your everyday, wings with a nude pink lip. You didn't dress so exciting because you were just hanging out with someone, so you didn't worry about it much. Sitting on a bench waiting, you start to play a game on your phone to take your mind off from running in circles. After ten minutes, you heard your name being called out. "Y/N?"

You look over to see Spencer, long hair and all. He wore a brown sweater with jeans and black converse. He almost looked like he was ready to head into the BAU at anytime, which you thought cute of his aesthetic. He came over by you, hands gripped to his book bag strap, smiling awkwardly but with a bit of excitement.

"Hey, Spence!" you said, waving at him. He just stood in front of you as you talked for a minute.

"Did you walk here?" He asked.

"Yeah," you said, "I live pretty close to here actually. Didn't realize that until tonight."

"Oh really? Me too! I just live half a block away."

You both awkwardly laughed and then went awkwardly silent until he said, "Um, I know a spot we could sit at before we start walking."

"Lead the way, Doctor!" you say as you get up.

He takes your hand in his and runs for a bit. You didn't know he was gonna drag you along, but you could tell that from that moment on, this was going to be a ride; A fun ride full of adventures.

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spencer reid fan fiction #dr spencer reid #mgg #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fan fiction

[class1akids]

I was chatting with a friend who doesn’t particularly like Shouto (while he’s my favorite character) and while I don’t specially agree with what he said, I still couldn’t think of what to say back to one of his argument : basically, to him, Shouto is less interesting than Ochako, Katsuki, Deku, All Might, Endeavour and many more because all his story is based on external conflict since the sports festival ended, meaning he doesn’t have any internal flaws to get past. all that he has to do is in relation to his family and he’s flawless, which makes him less likeable bc what he has to deal with is not really his fault or internal, and he never fucks up on a long term scale. Basically, all his flaws disappeared after the sports festival, and the only other time we’ve seen him fuck up (during the licence exam) it was a one time thing and was resolved too quickly. Now compare it to all the other characters who regularly fuck up or have trouble with themselves (Ochako deals with her crush very badly, Deku doesn’t take himself into account, Katsuki was an absolute asshole etc...), and their flaws are internal and actually endured time and make their development slower, it makes shouto too perfect too fast. Everything about his family and how he reacts is interesting, but it doesn’t personably challenge him bc he doesn’t have to change, everything is on Endeavour and Dabi, and shouto just have to deal with it. While I absolutely love Shouto the way he is, it made me wonder if Horikoshi shouldn’t have dragged his development more in the Sports Festival. I wondered what you would respond to this, since you articulate what I think about Shouto much better than I do, and he’s also your favorite character. I’m really sorry about the long ask! I was really curious about your opinion on this (and hoped I could borrow some of your wits and analytical skill to use against my friend, I didn’t give up on making him love shouto lol)

I think you can’t really convince someone with arguments why he should or shouldn’t vibe a character. If your friend finds the others more relatable or interesting, it’s because those characters are somehow relatable for him. But also don’t let these kind of arguments ruin for you a character you enjoy. 

Reading what you wrote about Shouto being “flawless” was really funny, because I have the same frustration with Deku, whose only fault is being “too self-sacrificing” and more often than not it’s not even a fault, but just a sign of how heroic he is. 

I don’t think Shouto’s faults disappeared in a snap. He’s still blunt, rude sometimes, clueless, he can be extremely petty, he’s not great at interpersonal relations, etc. That’s what I like about his story. The Sport Festival made him realize that the hatred and negativity he was feeling for Endeavor was self-sabotage, and he was getting others caught up in his personal conflict . So he decides to change, but change is not easy and it’s not linear either. 

What is important to realize that even if his rage at Endeavor is fully justified, it is an obstacle to become a hero. It blinds him to others. Whenever he’s driven by that anger, he’s letting people down, he’s sabotaging himself, he’s not able to protect the ones who matter to him. And whenever he deals with his rage in a more productive way, takes steps towards healing, the narrative rewards him. And it’s a lot of one step forwards - two steps back:

 For example: in the cavalry battle, his whole team would have lost if not for Iida, because Shouto refused to use his fire. He was not only sabotaging himself - but the other three people who trusted him. But once he visited his mom and went to seek his father’s help with training, he’s rewarded by being able to save his friends against Stain using his fire. But not too rewarded, because he’s still a beginner, his fire skills are not great, he can’t switch sides fast enough - all the time he wasted spiting his father limits him to not being as effective as he could have been. 

He’s too slow in the Forest, he can’t save Bakugou - again, it’s a consequence of the time he wasted not training both sides. 

And his anger is not gone either. He keeps falling back again and again into the same pit of resentment - like he does at the Provisional License Exam. Many kids screw up there - but the one most harshly punished is Shouto, because he’s already changed and it’s basically his past (and Endeavor’s wrongdoings) coming back to haunt him. He’s one of only TWO students to fail the license exam in the entire YEAR!!! How is that not a harsh consequence? He goes from the top of the class, straight down to the bottom, having to go for months (from the summer to early winter), every weekend to supplementary courses, unable to see his mom because he has no days off anymore, while others in the class get to do work-study. He can’t be there for his best friend in the Overhaul raid - he just has to sit in the dorm unable to do anything while his classmates get hurt. 

His unprocessed past comes back again at the JTA, where he does much worse than Deku and Bakugou do. His team draws, because Shouto has still been holding back all this time. He is hit with the consequences of letting his teammates down. It’s only through losing again and again that gives him the motivation to want to be stronger. To be able to see striving for strength as not something negative. And reaching out to his father again rewards him in the form of starting to master flashfire. It enables him to fly, to save Bakugou, Deku and Endeavor, and to fight Shigaraki. But again, he’s one step too late, he’s still holding back, and it’s not enough against Touya, because he started too late this training to have the necessary mastery.  

So I think the important thing is not that a lot of things are happening around him that are out of his control, because that’s true for every character. But for Shouto the big challenge is to understand that the only one he can control is himself. He has control over how he responds, how he defines himself, what he strives for. He needs to realize that wanting to get stronger and more powerful does not make him into his father - it makes him into a better hero, who can do more, save more. He needs to find ways to stop limiting and sabotaging himself and he needs to find the right motivation to do that. 

Healing from trauma, changing someone’s way of thinking, forgiving himself for his past mistakes - these are all incredibly hard things to do. And it’s not like Shouto is being passive in this. Every time he falls back into the pit of resentment, every time he’s realizing that he was still holding back, that he’s still not giving his all - he does the mental work. He does the soul-searching. He confronts himself again and again. 

I find him to be one of the most dynamic characters in terms of growth - but he’s an introvert (which I relate to a lot), and for some people because a lot of the conflict and work is internal, it’s really easy to miss how much he struggles with himself. 

#todoroki shouto #shouto's character arc

[bon-nii]

I think anon is just as angry as we are about season 2's low quality. But since they haven't read the manga they don't know exactly WHY they are angry so they irrationally lash out on us

Yeah, I agree. I think that everyone is experiencing a lot of annoyance and frustration over this situation right now.

My complete thoughts below the cut...

Manga readers are rightfully annoyed at anime-onlys who are calling them toxic for complaining/criticizing and memeing the hell outta season two...there are a good amount of anime-onlys who are invalidating manga reader’s opinions and feelings over this, and I don’t think they realize just how well-founded these opinions are. Just because Shirai is “overseeing the changes” and just because we had two years warning that things would be different doesn’t mean we have to be happy about it, y’know? And that’s the perspective a lot of manga readers are coming from.

Conversely, anime-onlys are very rightfully annoyed at manga readers who constantly tell them to “read the manga” (I’ve been at fault for this too) and who are filling the tag with really negative content. Like, they just wanna enjoy the show! They don’t know who this Yuugo guy is, or what Goldy Pond is, they only know what has been shown in season two, and they want to interact with and make content about what they know. 

It’s just one hell of a dumpster fire of a situation, one that I (from the standpoint of someone who studies history lol) find quite fascinating. There’s not really much of a middle ground to be found here, simply because of how different both side’s experiences with the story are. I think both sides could tone it down a bit for sure, and there is marginal consensus between some manga readers and some anime-onlys happening right now, but largely this seems like a “agree to disagree, but respect the other side’s viewpoint” situation.

It’s like two different fandoms at this point, y’know? There are two completely different groups trying to occupy the same space (I’m not suggesting we separate the two or anything), so frustration and disagreement is bound to happen. Ultimately though, all of these reactions are based on a passionate love for this series, it’s just that this love is founded on two completely different contexts and therefore presents itself differently. Nobody is wrong, there are multiple right “answers” to this situation (actual toxicity excluded, of course!) At the end of the day, what can we do about it? Nothing, really. The series is already animated. 

You don’t have to read this part if you don’t want, it’s just more of a self-reflection than anything: 

As for me personally, I’ve sat back and looked at how my own irl feelings interact with the content I post about season 2 on this blog. I think I come off as being completely serious in my strong reactions when in reality I’m just purposefully exaggerating them to be funny (to myself, hopefully to others too). I’m completely serious in my criticisms and actual analysis of the series and of season two. However, when I post something like “End it all right now, gonna go fight Cloverworks for the war crimes they’ve committed” (not an actual post, but posts with that same vibe) I’m not being serious, I’m just being dramatic for the sake of shitposting. It’s a level of irony that friends and family are used too, but a bunch of strangers on the internet aren’t used too, so I can understand why anon and others would get annoyed at me I mean... it is what it is? 

When it all comes down too it, my life isn’t ruined, it’s not in shambles, the world keeps on turning... After surviving (I say, like I survived a war LMFAO) both the great BBC Sherlock season 4 meltdown and the great Voltron season 8 meltdown (absolutely FASCINATING topics of possible study, not even joking) I realized if you put too much stock into something fictional, you are gonna get hurt when it doesn’t meet your expectations. It’s not worth the stress lol

Anyway, that’s mostly it for now I think? @ anyone, feel free to shoot me any questions or comments or call me a manga elitist in my inbox if you feel like it!

#tpn #the promised neverland #promised neverland #ynn #yakusoku no neverland #tpn season 2

[lixiefe]

Beyond The Curse

Magical!hyunjin x Cursed!reader

⎆ Words: approximately 9k

⎆ Disclaimer: This is set in the late 1800's timeline. Or anytime near that. More precisely, the time phase Little Women was based on. And I’m really hoping I can convey the vibes. I’ve taken a bit help from the internet, so yeah, I’m sort of also crediting pinterest. (But i posted the excerpt I used, so meh)

⎆ Summery: This can be read without the back story, but to understand the story better, I recommend reading it. The summery is written after the backstory. Prologue

⎆ Type and Warning: Lots of fluff and then angst at the end. Partly a soulmate au. Comedy (a lil?). Hyunjin is pretty flirty. As for warning, molestation (just a hint, hyunjin saves you), death, war-bombing. But overall, I don’t think this needs warning.

⎆ Also: I’ve done a bunch of researches, but if there’s anything wrong, please forgive me. I’ve spent a lot of time on this lol. I have high expectations for this lol2

Sequel: Beyond The Promise

Hwang Hyunjin

A humongous blaze of fire erupted amidst, camouflaging the entirety of the wooden platform. Scorching swashes of fiery heat engulfed the winter air with a myriad of grouse merging with a few expressions of lament. A brigade of pompous nobility joined the panicked servants with buckets of water, all efforts resulting in vain into extinguishing a fire that had already burned and catapulted the wooden platform into blisters of coal.  

The people let out yet another shriek but the fire only burned. It seared and ravished what remained of the commemorative settlement like hearth consuming logs and paper. Another phase of utter panic washed through the hefty crowd as a few people approached the setting with angry words and furious roars.

They pushed through the cumbersome batch of servants, a string of heavy curses inciting as they took upon the blazing fire. They could but remain calm, especially when the mayor was fuming with anger. Because damnest to his legitimate child, the whole of his two days preparation for his rather magniloquent speech was burned into ashes of blackened woods. And he knew who did it and why.

“Hwang Hyunjin!”

It seemed rather sadistic, but Hwang Hyunjin had bigger achievements than something as puny as a mysterious fire that can’t even be called arson. The fire that burned in his chest and consumed the heckity of his inner peace scalded more than what a platform fire could even begin to. As his father hollered in utter aggregation, Hyunjin let out a satisfied laugh at the far corner. Laughing at both his father and his foolish remnants of pretentious reputation.

Hyunjin always believed it was too easy for his father to be shucking people here and there and manufacturing money out of illicit ways. It was unfair. And Hyunjin only hooted at his father’s demise. A little of the ‘unfair’ earned back through his defiant instincts.

This- he knew was the last straw. Now all he had to do was obscure himself from his family and have his way through his post-criminal days. Because that’s what his routine was.

“Have fun, father.”

You

Speed and stealth.

Go slowly, you can do it. it’ll be fine.

“Holy shiznit!”

A tardy presentiment wasn’t really what you needed at all, especially when you had already dropped the piece of fine melanin from your calloused hands and succeeded into attracting much more negative attention than you’d needed for the day.

“She dropped it again!”

Came the annoying voice of the Mr. Bard’s young son, who’d never missed on a single opportunity of causing you an immediate downfall. You’d have snickered at him and told him he was no fawning better than a wobbly weasel, but you knew ten folds better. With the child roamed his mother, who was no better.

“How scandalous! How can you be a woman?” The house keeper’s wife screeched, her nagging voice shivering you to the spine.

You stilled in your position, half bent towards the broken plate and doing your damnedest to contain yourself from running away. The vexatious woman rushed to you in saccharine astonishment, gasping through her hand that covered her brightly colored lips and eyeing you with unfiltered disgust.

As if she was any useful.

You knew what was to come, it’d happened too many times to count. Even so, you’d never shattered an expensive utility before and the remorse was only for the broken pieces of melanin that laid upon the fallow timber. You were less than appropriate for household chores and no one knew it better than the spawn of devil and Mrs. Wife ( You called her that since she took too much pride in being Mr. Bard’s wife ), but they’d loved to torment people and there was no way out of it. At least not for you.

“How are you a growing woman if you cannot carry a few plates altogether? Preposterous!”

And soon after, the people of the whole shelter gathered in one huge horde of fussing women and tutting children.  

With that started real chaos, and chaos integrated gradual commotion. Mrs. Wife could be anything but peace-loving and of course involved into an uncanny obsession with melodrama. Drama she needed to cause herself.

And how you were her favorite victim!

It was nothing but absolute rotten luck. You had screwed up in the broad daylight of working hours when the men were out to doing whichever occupation they’d acquired. And whom was left were the troublesome bunch of insolent children and their alike mothers. The elder men of the settlement were wise and rational, people who totally would not cause unnecessary clout for a single piece of guest-plate. And that’s exactly what she’d missed.

“Hurry! What shall we do! We all know how scarce these are and this little girl so crassly broke them.” Mrs. Wife spoke in entire abhorrence, jabbing her finger at your forearm with intended force. Some scrawny children took upon more stress than their age onto it, on the way of demonstrating the importance of financial parsimony to you, someone who’d lived older than their twice life. Some women also infuriated to an unexpected extent, demanding whichever way of proper justice came into their minds. Which of included, ‘Fix the plate’ and ‘execute her!’, which made no sense to you at all.

However, you couldn’t but listen with pretentious guiltiness and cower in the barks of many voices.  

“I demand she buys what she has ruined!”

That particular suggestion drew everyone like light in the water. Of course, it was quite understandable to suggest such in normal circumstances. But not now. Not when there was an ongoing war out in the roads. Even without actual battle taking place, the heat and grudge it stemmed was enough danger as it was. And having a young woman on the streets was fatal.

But that not once crossed their minds.

And that was now your fixated ultimatum, a penalty you’d not deserved. But right now, you had no choice. Protesting to them was out of question, even a little sigh of exhaustion was considered impudence and a certain labeling of ‘You trollop!’

You were afraid. There were quite a generous amount of tales going around of young teenagers being abducted and sold into slavery or simply imprisoned for whichever conditions they saw fit. It was terrifying.

Yet you congregated the most courage you could and stuffed your little purse inside your ruffled gown pocket and arranged your braid. You’d looked decent enough. But then again what would looking decent bring you? Instead maybe if you were covered in dirt and smelled like feces, people would leave you alone.

The streets looked horrific with gray tunes embellished everywhere you looked. The once lively town that embodied your sweet childhood was now devoid of any loud noise. People spoke in hushed whispers, looked with eyes that bore no soul, breathed through reddened nose and wore ashened, disheveled clothes. The terror, the impassive eyes and ghastly figures impaled you. Everything had turned into what you’d never have imagined in your early life.

You walked with unsure steps, eyes observing the cryptic exchanges and the limited rations in every shops. How you were supposed to find an expensive silver-wear in such a desolated environment was unknown to you. But you kept walking between the collapsed monoliths, gray at your feet, gray at every side. A carpet of gray that promised nothing but yet another destruction.

“Hello there, little one.”

A tight, bruising and sturdy grip yanked you into a secluded pathway, your throat releasing a panicked shriek as your other hand clutched your hemmed gown. Despite your clamor of rescue, no living being batted an eye. Each ignored you like you were nothing; oblivious- more like scared to interfere. And as you were successfully dragged into an isolated clearing, you were met with more than three scathing men that surrounded you like wolfs.

The grip on your arm released with a stinging after-burn, but there was no way of escape. You were surrounded by the bulky men who stared at you like hungry predators, their stare so lecherous and vulgar that it made you horrified and struck with desperation; desperate to escape.

Your widened eyes matched your laborious breathing, little trickle of perspiration wetting your forehead. All of them looked so cynical, eyes flooded with ill intentions and smirk portraying however precarious desires they’d brewed.  

You wanted to scream, you wanted beg to the almighty to let you go this once, to spare your life this once. But no one was there to hear you, no one except your captors. The closer they approached you, the more fright ran through your body.

“No one can hear you, little one.” Your captor said, an evil smile playing on his lips. And before you knew it, your hair was pulled behind with a harsh pull. By now, not thinking of the aftermath, you were screaming your lungs out, the sound muffled by the hand that clamped your face. Your heart frantic with pulsating beats and hands grasping for any form of liberal means.

In the blacks of near graveyard, you were the only erratic heart, skimped in the middle of heartless beings and on the verge of molestation. Darkness fell on the words spoken to nobody and screams heard by nobody. And you wished. Yearned for another beating heart, another blood and flesh, another conscience to walk upon you.

This was so bad. So so bad.

And it was as if your unspoken wish was granted, your prayers took in accountance and your desperation answered.

“What in bloody hell is going on?”

i.

Hwang Hyunjin so much as hated violence, even more so if it was precarious things like ‘stolen from family’ or ‘taken for public ledging’. He wasn’t at all afraid of using actual words instead of euphemisms, but those precepts were made mandatory- so usual that he’d gotten used to it.  

But it did not mean he was oblivious to them.

Especially not when it were to be happening right in front of his eyes. Not when he was dead-on witnessing a group of excrements laying their filthy hands upon someone innocent, in intentions he’d much rather not review.

“What in bloody hell is going on?”

The masculine man turned around, sinister eyes fuming at the intruder. “What are you doing here, boy?” he spoke with irritation rolling off every word as he released his tenacious grip on you and came closer to the intruder.

Hyunjin snickered, clicking his tongue in annoyance as he rolled up his sleeves. He eyed the repugnant man in sheer disgust. What obstinate stench and what pernicious stance, Hyunjin couldn’t but wonder how on earth you’d endured such disgust for what time you’d been in their hands.

What an indirect torture to primary senses!

“You all look like an insidious lot. You’re not government officials, are you?” Hyunjin mused, a quirky hint lacing his tone. If the rowdy men weren’t furious, they totally were now. Hyunjin should be scared, he should be petrified, but he knew so much well the men were going to underestimate his strength. Probably would cause their own downfall.

“You’re daring. I like that.” the man at front looked at him, impressed. He came closer, adapting a look as much menacing as he could. But Hyunjin really did care less. “Would you perhaps, join us?” he offered.

Hyunjin’s throat nauseated, repulsed at the ridiculous offer and the pungent man. Join them? Was he nuts on even rocks or black sand? Before he could share a piece of his mind, the man answered himself with a wicked smirk.

“We don’t share.”

Ludicrous. As if in hell I’d want to.

“But you’ve caught that right. We are no officials. We are fugitives.” The spiked man said from behind you. So criminals huh? Along with the distaste lingering in his mouth, Hyunjin could swear he visibly saw yellow and green radiations off of that man; it was so disgusting. The man behind you pulled at your hair even more, eliciting a pained cry from your lips as your eyes looked at him with desperation. “Now leave, kid.”

Hyunjin’s heart wrenched as silent tears poured out of your eyes and lips quivered in sheer fear. You were helpless, body shaking with the premonitions in your head, presentiments that could actually happen. But not when he was there. Looking at you maddened him even more. They’d abducted a fragile girl from the middle of the streets, no wonder how many other people they’d nicked or how many crimes they’d committed. It was inhumane.

“Well, I am lucky then.”

They’d really not known the infamous mayor’s son. A rebellious fellow who’d mastered sparring skills and cheap tricks all in one. Who’d repelled his father and succeeded in felonious little revolts. And they’d certainly not known or foreseen that they could be disgracefully defeated by burned ashes.

Cheap tricks were Hyunjin’s first and foremost specialty.

It took Hyunjin seconds to fill the air with ashes and simultaneously kick the men that were at the front with his sturdy boots. His first priority was saving you, but you were at the very back and shielded by two others who still hadn’t lost their hold on you. He threw even more ashes; specifically aiming for their eyes as multiples coughs broke through them in full swing, much to his pleasure.

He’d abruptly yanked you away from the weakened grip and motioned you to run in quick gestures. Hyunjin was almost flying through the smoky terrain, never losing balance, never stumbling. He landed a brutal punch at your direct captor, watching the man stumble back to the ground. He flung himself in a swift cart-wheel, feet trouncing two men at once as he injures their neck. He stood in firm steps, triumph and prepared for his last blow. He hurled the remained man hard on the rocky surface of broken pillars, a loud grunt leaving him.

Hyunjin could be sadistic, who knew? But he’d justify his actions as simply impulsive. Because there was no right or wrong, no justice and injustice and who was he to define such cruelty?

Except for maths. Yeah.

He walked over to the adjoined pathway which possibly lead to the town streets, he didn’t know. He clapped his hands together in an attempt to dust off the ash and oil from the fight. He could mourn over the dirt of his clothes later on, but his bigger concern was if he’d been contaminated with the gross stench of the men. He smelled and sniffed himself in frantic worry, finding only the dry smell of soil.

How abominable for him to ruin his clothes like that when he was searching for a hidden place to stay.

“Are you- are you okay?”

Hyunjin halted in alarm, head snapping back to look at the speaker. For an instance, he felt dumb to think that another assassin could’ve come for him, to lure him in their feminine charm and stab him with a large hairpin. Because that’s happened before, even though he was mildly asexual and openly insulted the woman for being an attention seeker.

His remaining wee asexuality flew away in the air as he took in your appearance.

You were a girl, that’s for sure, but an eye-catching one at that. It was to no wonder that some street-bandits would surely take an interest in you; and he was so glad that it was him who played the diaphanous hero and saved you from those disgusting monsters. His eyes were stuck; enamored by your striking orbs. Dried lips apart and seeking to mind for a cohesive reply but his voice enabled him no correspondence.

“Are you hurt? I am so sorry.” You spoke, jittery hands clasping together and lips seeking moisture from your tongue. You went closer to your rescuer, scanning him for any injuries.

Hyunjin was stilled, bewitched at your lovely figure that bore so much kindness. Your gentleness baffled him, it felt so pure and genuine that he’d almost forgotten how truly despotic the world was. You were so close to him, eyes sympathetic and skimming him for the absent injuries he’d gotten.

“No, I’m fine. Ha ha,” Hyunjin slipped away from you, hands in accordance with his awkward laugh. He dusted his ashened shirt with his similar hands, speckles of airy soil surrounding him. A series of light profanities left his mouth as he zoomed at the prominent tear down his shirt. Mind going full panic mode, “Oh my god! Those bleedin- heckin bandits!” He screamed, sentimental hands tracing the rip ever so gently, as if they were what held his last bits of sanity.

“My shirt!” He mourned, clutching onto the material with utmost caution. To you as well, this was over-sentimental. Who would grieve this much over a tear on their clothes? He looked so different than when you’d seen him flying through gray ashes.

But his sudden traumatic grief vanished away as he looked you in the eye, suddenly curious of what he had almost forgotten. “Why didn’t you run away?” he asked.

“Oh I, um, I was worried about you,” you answered. Sure, he was you savior, your prince in shining delight. As much as his princely looks told you he was angel’s guise, his appearance said otherwise. Hyunjin was so sure he’d looked dangerous enough to not receive such words.

“You were worried?” he laughed in amusement, lips spreading across his rosy cheeks into a beautiful grin. You thought this was some unnecessary handsomeness for his tough outlook, but you weren’t one to object. He was more beautiful than the prettiest flower, more enticing than the royalty suitors and of course more attractive than you could ever be.

What a model.

“Of course I was! You’ve saved me,” you said. Hyunjin looked at you with even more glee, his smile now a hubristic remnant of the striking laugh. Your head lent backards as Hyunjin came closer to you, noses just inches apart. Eye to eye, you shrunk under his playful gaze, yet refusing to break away.

“Just because I saved you, princess, doesn’t mean I’m safe as well.” He spoke in almost whisper, moving away to stand back. He still had the same challenging expression, as if daring you to oppose. In normal circumstances, you’d have done nothing. But something in his words was so provocative, that you couldn’t help but just dare. And he’d said princess, it was ticking.

“Well you’re not doing anything now. You seem opposite of your words.” You said, bold to your speech. Hyunjin lifted a brow, his little smirk growing at your hilarity. It was his first time hearing such response, but it was no one’s business if he said he’d like to hear more of you. But who was he to keep you?

“You’re very bold to say that, princess. I’ve ruined my clothes for you, and for that I am offended.” Hyunjin turned around in an attempt to leave, even though every cell in his body desired to see you a little more. He didn’t want any attachments in first meet. If you were to be in his life, fate would make sure of it, that he believed.

But it seemed fate was quick to catch on and almost too quick to grant his wishes as he felt a feeble tug at his dress sleeve. A sign so little and fleeting, yet not hesitant at all. He stopped, heart and blood anticipating what the next moment could transpire.

“Thank you,” you said quietly. Hyunjin’s hopes dropped as quickly as your fingers fell from his sleeves. He couldn’t contain the disappointment that undoubtedly covered his heart, but he didn’t let it show. He was shameless to admit that he’d wanted you to ask him to stay, or say anything that could give him an opportunity to again look at your inviting orbs and get lost in your solemnity. 

But what bad luck!

“Would you like me to fix your shirt for you?”

Or maybe not.

ii.

Your savior was surprised when you walked him to where you lived with a few other families, because it was one of his properties he had donated for combined charity in the flaming war. He’d contributed quite much of his fortunes to help the starving and sorrow-ridden people, which led him to having no home and using the remaining of his wealth to abide by.

You had revealed that you lived with your father, who pampered you and loved you so much that he was all you had to talk about. Even so, who else could you talk about? You’d also told him that you had an insatiable passion for art, the first thing you’d drawn being your father. Your father still had the sketch framed delicately in his personal room and you promised him that you’d let him see that.

Your savior was a rich lad, but you had yet to know that. You’d perceived that he was any other vagabond and virtuous being, who lived travelling by and had the proper guts to stand up to injustice. He told you a little about his hobbies when you were stitching up his dirt-stained shirt as slowly as a snail. 

And yes, he was wearing another short-sleeved piece underneath.

You noticed he had little scars trailing up both his forearms, scars that reminded you of battle casualties. You’d also seen the end of a cut near his pronounced collarbones. You wanted to ask him the history behind the gruesome injuries but that seemed too much of an intrusion to his personal space- at least in first meet.   

Hwang Hyunjin was his name, pretty to the ears and meaningful to his characteristics. His name matched him greatly. His princely looks and attractive hands; and the way he’d saved you like a princess, from flame-spitting dragons that constrained you in danger. He was in fact, a whole king. At least for you.

“Your clothes look dirty. Would you like to stay for a day? I could wash them for you.” You said, still guilty over the fact that he’d ruined his prized clothes to rescue you.

“But I don’t have any other clothes. I think I’d decline,” He looked at you with thankful eyes, a glimmer that spoke of apologies. You knew what it meant, yet you look at him with similar earnest, ransacking your brain for something- anything- you could say to stop him.

“I could provide you some! Please stay, it was my fault.” You speak in applied hassle, hands reaching for the hem of his shirt that you’d sewn for the past five hours, stopping him. You see Hyunjin ponder for a few seconds, feet prodding at the ground as he looks up.

You see the familiar curve of his lips appear again, forming into his trite smirk. He bends down to your face-level, eyes peering straight into yours and cheeks resembling the pink of yours.

“If you insist, princess.”

~.~

He’s come back again tomorrow. And the day after. And again the day after. He had visited you every day for two weeks, accompanying you into your stressful household chores and as you sat down on a broken pillar amidst the grassy yard for a breathe of respite. He has relentlessly stared at you with so much veneration, so much admiration and so much of the feeling only he knew.

How, he didn’t know. But you’ve captivated him into an endless trance. An endless delirium that started with your shimmering eyes and ended through the honey of your voice.

In the span of days, he has known pain, happiness and love. He has known how it stings when you accidentally cut yourself with a piece of glass, he has known how you gleam with felicity when you both gossip about Mrs. Wife, and he has known how it feels when you’re all he thinks about. He has experienced all through you, things he’s never felt and never known. The never-ending sweetness of your laughter, your electrifying touch, your twirling hair, you. That’s all he knows.

Some people used to describe him as promiscuous, or even a wandering wanton, but he knew for one that they described any attractive person like that. It wasn’t like he never went near beautiful women. He’d hung around his own fair share of women. But you, you felt so unique. You weren’t like any other he’d seen. Not the brothel girls, not the women that sought him like grilled meat and obviously not the ones that pretended to be prim and virtuous for his attention.  

Hyunjin was flabbergasted when one day, he was summoned by your father, very discreetly. He was skeptical at first. Because why would your father need him for something that seemed so confidential?  And that too, him of all people.  

“Ah, Hyunjin. Here you are.” Your father greeted with a creasy smile. Hyunjin timidly smiled back, half of him still severely suspicious. He’d only seen your father in your very precise sketches, but never in real life. But truth be told, your sketches resembled your father in the most detailed way.

The office room was warm, like the side of a fresh-burning hearth. It exuded comfort, the air permeating a relaxing atmosphere around the scaling walls and back. Brown papers and envelops engaging one part of the room, the other filled with working equipment and an old sofa.

“Yes, sir.” He replied, still standing stiff before the work-table of your father. His eyes roamed around, your sketch still hanging on the wall like a prodigious artistry. He noticed two picture frames resting on the wooden table, both being yours. You had been so beautiful since birth, he thought.

“I have news on you.” Your father said, motioning Hyunjin to come closer. He obeyed, now standing right in front of your father. Hyunjin couldn’t decipher what news could be found about him, except if it were anything negative. He was suddenly apprehensive, dreading what he could be told. Your father grabs his right wrist, thumb ghosting over the end of his palm. “You seem very close to my daughter.” Your father says.

“Sir, forgive me for my insolence, but if you ask me leave her-”

“Of course not. I’ve never been happier. She’s been so bubbly, just so full of life. I believe it’s because of you.” There was such a soft hint in your father’s speech- vulnerable even, and flowing in adoration for you. Hyunjin realized no matter how gruff your father’s voice, his words were a complete contradict. He was ashamed to have thought he was summoned to be bribed to betray you, it was disgraceful.

“I’m- I’m sorry, sir. I misunderstood you.” Hyunjin bows politely. Your father immediately stands up, grasping Hyunjin by the shoulder. Your father offers him a reassuring smile.

By this time, Hyunjin had almost forgotten about the grip on his wrist. Your father brought his hand up to chest-level, applying acupuncture pressure. For the first few seconds, it doesn’t hurt, it feels nothing. But as the clock ticks by, Hyunjin feels a stinging pain in the middle of his wrist. He struggles to free himself away but your father presses tighter, deeper.

It hurts, it hurts like hell. Hyunjin feels like he could scream, he could madly bellow out to the almighty in anguish; because it was unbearable. The stinging pain is agonizing, much intense than anything he has ever felt. But his chest felt constrained, narrowing with every passing second, every squeeze of pressure.    

He feels a pained cry rip through his chest and past his reddening lips. Eyes shut tightly, his wrist contracts in the tenacious hold, fingers twitching and wrist thrashing for freedom. It’s as if all the pain of his life has accumulated in one place, galloping into his veins like sheath needles on his skin.

But he doesn’t see how the veins of his wrist light up with a grandiose glow, ripples of blinding, magnificent white light emitting from in utter glory. He doesn’t see the smile, the breath of relief that your father gains.

Until suddenly, the pain vanishes with a mysterious extinction, like it wasn’t even there. And all that’s left is the pad of your fathers thumb on his wrist. As soon as your father liberates him, Hyunjin stumbles back, breathless. He looks at his wrist in surprise, because what the hell was that?

“I have finally found you, my son.” Your father smiles at him in relief. But Hyunjin is not in the rational state of thinking what the meaning was behind his mystic words. But he still questions, grasping the table corner with force, as if he’d fall down any time.

“Wh- what?”

“If I’m gone.., will you protect my daughter?”

It astonishes him. Hyunjin stealthily regains his labored breath, trying his best to maintain the composure of his unstable feet. He only stares for a few, as if trying to articulate if this was actually real. If he really was confronted by your father, if he really felt the piercing pain just minutes ago.

“Without a question, sir.” He replies almost immediately.

“I heard that you were born with deity’s blessing.” Your father apprises. Hyunjin abruptly retracts back. Deity’s blessing he said, it was a disgrace. A history Hyunjin never wanted to recall. How unlucky was his mother to have sacrificed herself for someone like him! 

Hyunjin lets out a throaty chuckle. “That is just a rumor, sir. People spread around stuff very easily.” Even though Hyunjin doubted every little lie that spread around in the chattering town, he knew for a fact that, there was a bit of truth in the rumor. But in all seriousness, blessing? Even though it was outrageous, he has experienced things in his life that were inexplicable. Things science cannot explain, and things he couldn’t understand.

“What if I say it’s not a lie?”

Hyunjin halts abruptly. His brows creased and adjoined together in a tumult frown, he speaks, “What might you mean, sir?”

“My daughter is cursed.” Your father says in a swift flash of wind, in a nonchalant way, as if having a cursed daughter wasn’t much of a deal. For Hyunjin, things couldn’t get any more complicated. The confusion on his face grows. He feels as if he’s been catapulted into a stirring tornado, the information a bit too much for him to handle.

He doesn’t need to question anymore, because his eyes speak it all.

You were … cursed?

“And you’re the only one who can save her.”

Hyunjin never would’ve imagined he was in for a supernatural chronicles lesson, which involved around him and you; and how the deity bestowed him to revive your human soul.

iii.

“How is my princess doing?” Hyunjin sings into your ear, startling you. You jolt with surprise, the plate in your hand again fumbling with barely any balance as it tumbles down. But it doesn’t fall, instead is caught by the slender and quick hands of Hwang Hyunjin, who nuzzles his chin on your shoulder.

It’s a meeting blessed by god, isn’t it?

You’d have looked at him in the eye and spoke face to face. But that seemed, well, impossible. Cheeks close to nail distance and his breath fanning the crook of your neck, you dared not to move. “Your princess is going to die,” You say, monotonously.

The first thing that came to his mind was, the curse. “What- why?” Hyunjin asks, bewildered. A sudden panic evident in him as he turns you around. You almost feel bad for the reply you’re going to give to this perplexed Hyunjin, who looks about to lose his sanity.

“If I break another plate.”

Hyunjin looks at you like you’d said the driest joke one could possibly muster. Eyes drained of his playfulness and mouth rendered speechless. He lets out a rather relieved sigh, one that expressed his raw concern. You’re almost tripping with guilt at his opposite reaction, mind suddenly reclining backwards and telling you that you shouldn’t have done it.

All ‘shouldn’t have’s have cost you much, you did not want any addition. You’re about to apologize when Hyunjin speaks.

“You almost broke my heart. I thought I wasn’t going to see you anymore.” he looks like he’s pleading you, like he was so painfully dreading the possibility of never seeing you again. A probability that depicted his wildest nightmare. He grabs your hands into his, a hold so vulnerable as if he’d never let you go.

It strikes you right then that Hyunjin was more serious than he’d ever been. He was scared; scared and terrified of losing you, of getting his heart broken.

“Protect your heart, Hwang Hyunjin. It doesn’t deserve to be broken.” You reply, looking into his captivating brown orbs shielded by his cat-eye lids. You’ve seen emotions swirling in the cavernous depth of his eyes before, but never this desperate, never this conspicuous. Then you knew, despite his calm façade, Hwang Hyunjin held so much more to him. So much fear, so much sentiments, so much longing- for what and whom unknown to you.

“It does, only if you’re the culprit.”

He says it like it is the most natural thing ever. Like he doesn’t mind, doesn’t care if you’re rash with his heart. It’s infuriating, yet it’s spoken with such impetuosity that it heedlessly melts you. Even so, it’s wrong. Terribly wrong to hand over something so powerful, so pure into someone’s hands just like that.

“No, don’t say that! I cannot be the force that breaks you.” You say. You’d struggled to handle melanin plates, how could you handle something as precious as your everything in your clumsy hands like that? What if you drop it? What if you’re not careful? It wouldn’t give you a second chance to redeem, a penalty to resurrect it. It’s delicate, fragile and you’re afraid.

Hyunjin only smiles at you as he slides a warm hand onto your cheeks. You were wrong if you thought the emotions in his eyes couldn’t get deeper, because now, he’s staring into your eyes with the entire equatorial constellation glimmering in his orbs. His hands, eyes, smile and gestures so gentle and passionate, as if you’re the reflection in his eyes, you’re the stars and moon his eyes procured.

“I’ll let you be the hurricane.” Hyunjin begins as you hold his hand atop your cheek, feeling the warmth and comfort of it all. You’d protest, but the intensity of his words halt you, they render you speechless. “As long as I can be part of the destruction.”

Your eyes get softer and heart wrenches with his confession. Your brows adjoin together in a frown, not at all supporting his answer. It’s brutal; unfair how he’s willing himself to you, how he’s submitting himself into your hands. “But why?” you whisper, with a hidden frustration you knew he could catch. “Do you have some horrible wish to get hurt?”  

“No,” he whispers back, “I just think every being is going to get hurt at least once in their lives. And how fortunate I’d be if I could get destroyed by you.”

It really was a rendezvous blessed by god.

~.~

You were again in the yard, peering off to the polychromatic horizon and simply enjoying the moment. Except, with Hyunjin stuck to your back and his hands wrapped around your waist. The soft breeze blows above the jeering grass, and so does the fading sounds of children playing far behind.

You love the moment, every second and every fractions of it. Because having Hyunjin by your side every afternoon is much more than the blessing you could ask for. And now, he's engulfed you snugly against his chest with the ice cold tips of his nose brushing against your ear.

Right now, you think you've lived for this.

All the children and their mothers were out in the large yard, playing and gossiping at the same time. You had asked your father to have a little respite as well, but he declined almost instantly, saying he had piled up work.

“What are you thinking about?” Hyunjin mutters softly in your ear, an inadequate vibration of his voice soothing, yet chilling to you as well. You know he’s smiling, because who wouldn’t? You both were in your blissful little world, oblivious and uninterested in what laid around you.

“You.” You reply, craning you neck to match your eyes. This was so close, a little lean and you would have your lips on his. Noses touching and a delightful smile gracing both your lips, you watch as Hyunjin’s eyes gloss with endearment, sparkles with all the affection he’s developed for you.

“You do know when to say what, right?” he asks, a sly smile covering his lips. Hyunjin leans in a little more, willfully brushing his nose against yours. You scrunch up your nose on impulse. Hyunjin stares back in melodramatic surprise, as if you’d rejected a scrumptious offer of his.

But the look changes in moments and his eyes are back to mimicking the whole universe, a thousand stars, a thousand granite shining in the confines of two reflecting orbs. Hyunjin slowly leans even closer, eyes fluttering shut. You knew what was coming, and the thought of it brought fright-nerves to you. You’ve never done this before, never really felt this way before. What if you mess up? What if he realizes you’re not what he wants? What if he remains dissatisfied because of your inexperienced movement?

Theres so many questions in your head, yet you advance with no reluctance. Partly because what if it’s the first time? You trusted him. “I’ve never done this before,” you murmur with the faintest voice, looking into his heavy lidded eyes.

“That’s a pleasure for me then.” The last comforting smile is what you see as he dips his head down to yours, lips so close that you shudder with anticipation. The time is yours. The little moment of that bliss is what remained. His lips almost touching yours, but they don’t.

Instead the air wracks with frantic yells, dozens of footsteps sound past you, along with numerous panicked yells. You whip your head forward in terror, in order to see what the commotion was about. But Hyunjin is quicker; and before you could get a gist of the upcoming danger, your face is firmly pressed into his chest. Hyunjin ducks with you behind the huge boulder, hands still cradling you into his embrace.  

You do not know what’s happening at all, nor what’s to come. All you do hear for a moment is the sprightly beating of Hyunjin’s heart, and the persistent white noise that comes with him blocking your hearing senses. Your mind blank, you cannot hear anything, cannot see anything; why is he doing this?

But then you hear it. No matter how tightly he’s holding you, how blank your ears sound, it was significant. Through your congested ears, you heard a loud explosion. Out of shock, you felt yourself in a frenzy, amid a mass of terrible sensations and trying to free yourself from the constricted hold. The fearful blow of explosion, the noise of breaking glass, the hoarse blank sound that overpowers your mind, everything was far less than the whirlpool of horror as you realized your father was still in there. He was there, inside.

On the other hand, Hyunjin saw it all. How the irregular pentagon bombs dropped from helicopter shafts, a few miles away. An instant later, a blinding flash like lightening shot through, and a huge gust of varicolored fire belched upward, emitting a series of smoke-rings floating up in the air. Then, it spread to form the mushroom-head of a column of incandescent gas that mounted to overtake it, engorging the smoke-rings as it rose, twisting, writhing, changing shape, turning to dark smoke one moment and eructing flame and crackling with lightening the next.  

The sound of burn and luminous radioactive gasses spurting into larger explosions are what remained. Hyunjin stood up with the both of you, mind frantic and persistent with the thought of getting away from here.

It was the work of enemy alliances, and he could not stay here any longer. They could be here any second, any moment. He had to protect you, at any cost.

“Will you protect my daughter if I’m gone?”

That’s what his priority was. Then from the lane comes the sound of sirens and tires throwing up spray from the dry, ash-kissed lane. The cavalry are here, but not to save, not to rescue. And no one knew it better than Hyunjin.

Hyunjin sprinted into a rapid run, dragging you by the hand quickly. Both of your hearts are turbulent, but with different causes. You know for a fact, Hyunjin is protecting you from any potential harm, but it doesn’t sit well with you. Your father was in there, probably still is, why are you the only one getting spared from the explosive fire. Why?

Your guilt twists and traps you into an inebriate current. You could’ve saved your father, he was still in there! You scream with agony, demanding him to stop as you attempt your best to jerk your hands away. At this moment, you didn’t want the costless protection, you didn’t want to be prioritized. Your only thought being your father’s demise.

But Hyunjin doesn’t listen at all. He’s only pulling you faster and closer to the guilt-ridden fate of yours. When suddenly you’re pulled and obscured amidst a terrestrial forest, only then does he release you.

“I’m so sorry, princess.”

You look up to meet his dejected eyes with you own tear-stricken ones. Not thinking even once, you punch his chest with all your might, and again, and again, again and again until you’re crying out in demented whirls, all those whelmed and jumbled frames of your mind spilling out in the form of rushing briny-liquid. Hyunjin doesn’t flinch at all, instead, letting you continue until you’re out of breath, out of strength. Only then do you plummet onto his chest, resounding cries still venting from your throat. You’d say your throat hurt, but not more than the pain that envelops you whole; a painful, wrenching pain.  

Before you knew it, your cries had taken the afternoon down, the sky now gradient with blue hues as the evening befell.

You wrap your arms around Hyunjin, fatigued wails leaving a trace of whimpers leaving your lips. Hyunjin reciprocates immediately, caressing your back in soft and tender circles. The loud cries might have died down, but not the clamor of your heart, not at all. Your mind was still in stubborn repudiation with the reality, but you cannot deny the gravity of what has already occurred.

But what can you do?

You know Hyunjin was right, is right. He’s made the most rational decision, and you were the one who was not rational. How could you be? It was not every day when you get the most important person slew and separated from you with such cruelty.

The evening went by with the both of you in the barren woods. It hurts Hyunjin to see you suffering, especially when he can’t do anything to ease the pain, can’t do anything but pledge to protect you. You felt guilty at times, even more guilt piling atop your shoulders; because you’re just letting him do everything for you without any response, any sign of gratitude. And he only does more.

Hyunjin has surmised your every feelings like an open book. You were very much grateful, but made zero to no effort in expressing it. Hyunjin carried you on his back to the end of the woods, where you could see a lit settlement and traces of human civilization. This was no spared area from the war, but it looked quite a bit lively and less damaged. These people still reeked of optimism, something that you’d rarely see in those cynical walls of the shelter.  

Hyunjin let you off his back when you reached the clearing. You’d thought you were going to walk from there on. Even though your legs ached like thorns prickling your bones, you were glad that Hyunjin was finally letting you do something on your own. But you were wrong. Hyunjin fished out some gold coins from his censored tunic pouch, encasing them into your grimed hands. You stared at him in confusion, however, you didn’t object.

Before you started walking, Hyunjin’s arms swathed around your back and knees, lifting you up in a swift motion. “Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you object.

Hyunjin looks deeply into your eyes, a sort of surprise coating his face. Maybe because it’s the first time you’d spoken after the incident, or maybe he wasn’t about to explain how he knew your legs were technically paralyzed. However which it was, he offers you a scant smile as he begins walking.

After a while, you were in front of what looked to be a modest tavern, people wandering outside as if they’d had no worries, no concerns about the current sparse and fragmentary feud. You were still snug in Hyunjin’s hold, you nose buried into the junction of his neck and shoulder. Hyunjin doesn’t seem to mind you shrouding yourself into him, nor does he mind your hair tickling his back.

You don’t see anything after that, pretending to have drowsed off in his arms. You feel Hyunjin pry off the few coins from your hands and extend them to the hostelry manager. You hear him speak in the familiar upper-class decorum- much in contrast to his public delinquent image. But that was really just an image. He discreetly signals the man to speak quietly, but you sensed that. The next, you feel him striding up the stairs and silently unlock a door. You wanted to let him know of your pretentious slumber, because doing such with an occupied hand must’ve been so hard.

Hyunjin gently lays you down on the bed, the mattress being so soft that you sink into it. He must’ve signed for an expensive abode, you think. 

“Princess,” 

So much for your closed eyes.

You’re caught red-handed when you open your eyes, looking at him above. Hyunjin crouches down to your level as he speaks, “I have some things your father wanted me to inform you. If you freshen up, I’ll tell you, yes?”

There’s this delicacy in his voice that makes you feel like a toddler, like you’d cry any second if he was a tad bit harsh. But when did he even meet your father? Much less know something that you didn’t. But the mere name of the topic convinced you to do anything he’d say.

So you did go to wash up first.

But, the destiny seemed to conspire more for you, because everything was going so bad. You were utterly terrified when you coughed up blood from your throat. You’d thought it was just nausea, that the vigorous day hadn’t sat well with your body. But it wasn’t. It was so sudden, it was as if various insects were gnawing up your guts, as if your whole body was in distortion. The horror of it was so much for you, that the tears had begun flowing, along with the choked whimpers. As soon as you got out, Hyunjin enveloped you in a concerned embrace, consistently asking you if you were fine.

“I don’t know what’s happening, help me. Please.” You begged, clutching onto the materiel of his tunic. Hyunjin runs a soothing hand through your knotted hair, whispering words of consolence as his own heart cried along with you.

He knew it, he knew what was coming.

iv. (final)

“Will you protect my daughter if I’m gone?”

Hyunjin lays beside you in the warm bed, blankets ridden up to your neck and both your eyes wide open. Even though he’d woken up, none of you wanted to leave the comforts of each other. The summer rays, trajectory of the sun, warm hue of the complacent chamber- and the company of the other, it was all too hazy to wake up from. All too dreamy. “Say, you never told me what you knew about my father,” you ask.

“Oh, I suppose….” He replied. Hyunjin diverts his eyes away from yours, preparing himself for what he was going to transpire. This wasn’t really the right atmosphere to talk about such matters, but he needed to do it. Now or never. There was a long gap of silence before Hyunjin began, “Your father was a centenarian,” 

He watches the side of your lips twitch, before spreading into a skeptical smile. You don’t believe him. “Are you sure that’s what you wanted to say? I think we should sleep more,” he hears you say, tugging the blanket upwards. He gently holds you wrist, “No, stop. Please listen to me,” he pleads. You wouldn’t have believed him if it were not for his pleading eyes. It was a silent supplicant, one that convinced you that he wasn’t lying in the slightest. You trusted him.

“She’s cursed, and none but you can save her,”

“He really was a centenarian. Have you never wondered about the lasting time behind the bracelet on your wrist? Never wondered why your father had been so persistent about never touching it? You probably know that you’re - damn it - you’re not normal.” Hyunjin interrogates, in an attempt to make it believable. He knew it was hard to believe, mainly when you’d lived your life in normalcy- never knowing the consequences of the forborn curse; and then you’re entangled into a supernatural prophecy. No one would really be able to take it just fine. You seem to be in deep thoughts, your eyes ghosting over his shoulders. Until, you give him a faint nod.

“But sir, I have no idea how I could do that. Please don’t get me wrong, I would do anything for her, but how?”

“He was.. part of a heretic organization who obtained aberrant magic through human sacrifices.” Hyunjin’s observing your emotions like a cautious deer caught in an ineffable trap. But he sees nothing, your eyes peer over him with monochrome, nothing to be seen and nothing to decipher.

“All that you need is a bond.”

“He reclined from them once they’d tried things beyond their ability. And then he had your mother, you. He has mentioned how you were the most precious thing that’s ever happened to him.” – to me too. He sees your eyes snap back to lock into his; he sees the unending plethora of hurt, reminisce, guilt, sadness and love all pool in your glimmering orbs like the reflection of a pure brook. Your lips turn into a deep shade of red, rosy nose taking in what was now shaky breaths. You don’t say anything and he doesn’t wait either.

“A bond?”

“But you were born with an immortal curse. Your bracelet was a temporary annulment magic from a sorcerer, which would break once you age twenty one. He was told that your curse was one that could only be broken by something- something that’s purity exceeds that of the curse’s evil.” Hyunjin pauses, “And that’s me.” it seems like you’ve never known anything like that, like you’ve never surmised the possibility of your salvation being a person. Because your saucer eyes prove him just that. He feels your hands glide to find his under the blanket, a fragile hold.

“Yes, a bond. Be it a true friends concern, a lover’s love, anything. Anything that ties you to her on a deeper, emotional level.”

“Do you think it's true? That you could break my curse?” your voice is only a level above whisper as your fingers tauten around his. Your eyes have such hope, yet such trepidation, as if the reality of him being your soul mate was bewildering. Maybe you’d lost hope when you father separated, when the consternation caressed you like an old friend. Nonetheless, you’ve never ceased to trust him.

“If you think you cannot be yourself without her, that she's become an inseparable part of you, if you love her, that’s all you need. If not, don’t even try.”

“I do.”

Hyunjin has never been so sure, has never felt this flame of certainly in his veins as he connects your forehead in a feather-like touch. He doesn’t know how the haze of your eyes is so familiar to him, how every touch, every whisper brings him to the impossible conclusion that he has always loved you- before and after, in an unknown time, a relishing place- or maybe another existence. You walked into his heart like you always belonged there, took down his walls and lit his soul on fire.

This is it.

“I swear under oath, I shall, therefore, sacrifice my heart of deity for the quietus of the evil that bore you, my love.”

Hyunjin couldn’t see anything, because the overshadowing dark mist that consumed him was impenetrable. 

And before he knew it, he knew nothing.

a/n: i added the picture above if you don’t get the ending. :’)

does this need a sequel? If i get responses on that, I’ll do it.

#hwang hyunjin #stray kids #skzwritersclub #skz #stray kids hyunjin #skz hwang hyunjin #stray kids fanfiction #fantasy au #hyunjin fantasy au #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #skz fluff #skz angst #romance #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin angst #historical fiction #hyunjin x reader #stray kids hwang hyunjin #comedy #fantasy #victorian au #hyunjin imagine #cursed #magical!hyunjin #skz fanfic #stray kids reactions #stray kids hwang hyunjin #stray kids fantasy #mythical

[reachexceedinggrasp]

I definitely agree that reylo fics have characterization issues, but I'd be curious to know which ones bother you most

I wrote a real response to almost the same question back when I had motivation to write in full sentences and it was basically that people are getting the dynamic totally wrong (to me, the canon dynamic absolutely is not, never was, and can’t support ‘bitter aggressive rivals’ or hate-as-sexual-tension or ‘sexy bad boy lures good woman with his alpha prowess’. That’s just so fundamentally wrong, mostly about who Ben is as a character and what his motives/emotional responses were throughout the story, that it’s not recognisable or enjoyable as reylo at all). And people are projecting Good Girl/Bad Guy or Pride and Prejudice type tropes on to them that are not a good fit for either character at all.

More:

https://frumfrumfroo.tumblr.com/post/181024766365/the-most-popular-meta-take-on-kylo-in-the-reylo?is_related_post=1

https://frumfrumfroo.tumblr.com/post/185345512510/what-are-your-expectations-for-post-st-ben

https://frumfrumfroo.tumblr.com/post/189231715000/yeah-one-thing-i-wish-is-that-more-reylo-fic-took

https://frumfrumfroo.tumblr.com/post/185136933290/i-see-one-popular-take-comes-back-after-the-vf-sw?is_related_post=1

https://frumfrumfroo.tumblr.com/post/187833450365/it-really-bothers-me-that-some-intelligent-reylos?is_related_post=1

Basically, Dark Fuck Prince and a Rey of Sunshine who is totally well-adjusted and has a loving circle of friends who understand her completely are the things I hate the most. To me, I don’t know why you’re using the character’s names at that point because it’s that far away and it’s also completely devoid of the things I find compelling and moving about the ship.

People making Ben a driven political ideologue (lol), having him spoilt or entitled or overconfident, hating his family, and/or validating his negative self beliefs like they’re objectively correct and fine things for him to believe. People putting Rey on a pedestal, not allowing her a secret inner life or to be badly wrong about her most important assumptions (which is like... foundational), not acknowledging her maladaptiveness and validating the Perfect Replacement Child vibe of the sequel trilogy but thinking it’s fine because Ben is alive and okay with it (this has always been a problem in reylo fic but NOW it’s SO INTOLERABLE that even a whiff of it is enough to ruin not only the fic but the author for me). Treating both of their major conflicts they should have spent the trilogy overcoming as inherent aspects of their personalities to be cherished and preserved forever. Morality chain growth/redemption for Ben, no arc at all for Rey.

Like, so so often I start a fic and I’m like ‘who are these people’ because it’s about some jealous, possessive Alphahole Dickhead who is sexually aggressive, super confident and arrogant and some plucky bland girl who is perfect in every way except that she can’t help wanting to fuck this asshole. They flirt by sniping at each other and never appear to enjoy one another’s company or have any empathy for each other but they are sexually attracted so it must be love. I don’t read romance novels because so many of them are that and I fucking hate it, the whole reason I like ships like reylo so much is because they are NOT that. The themes of isolation and compassion are not incidental, they are the entire basis of the pairing. The two of them ‘saving’ each other and helping each other grow is essential to defining their connection.

You can’t just write generic ‘rival’ banter and slot it in and call that flirting. The TLJ novelisation had this and it was terrible imo. It sounded nothing like the characters. They can absolutely banter, but you have to write to the dynamic.

Also, they are big giant virgins and it’s actually really important.

#I fucking despise the 'she's better than him in every way and he loves it' thing that a lot of fic does as well #I hate reading him constantly feeling the need to grovel and debase himself and her never noticing or SOUNDLY rejecting that pov #a) TLJ Rey would never stand for that b) it's squicky and reflects poorly on both characters #it's definitely a Thing because it's pretty common in romance put I find it very very off-putting #and I don't enjoy seeing male characters debasing themselves as 'unworthy' and never learning love isn't something you earn #I'm not great we're off the track here #sw #salt #neither of these characters are doormats just because they're desperate for belonging #neither one of them wants to subsume their selfhood in the other #and I can't believe how many terrible takes on redemption I see read even in soft reylo fic it's astonishing #people really really REALLY can't let go of the idea that love is transactional and forgiveness is something you earn #reylo

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 1 reaction

So! It’s a million years too late, but I decided to talk about wtFOCK season 3. 

I had fairly positive feelings about S1 of wtFOCK. It was the scrappy underdog of the Skam remakes, in a way, and what it lacked in polish, it made up for authenticity. I was very willing to overlook its flaws because of what I perceived as genuine attempts to connect with teenagers. I was really, really holding out hope that future seasons would improve on its flaws. And ... well. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t seen S2. Sorry! I just failed to keep up with all the remakes and S2 is my least fave so I didn’t feel that motivated to make it a priority, even though I did like Zoë a lot in S1.)

Heads up - I didn’t care for this season. A lot of people did, and I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s enjoyment of something, even if I personally didn’t like it. So please take this as a warning that I have a lot of negative things to say, and don’t read if it’s going to harsh your buzz for a pairing or a story that you deeply love. However, I didn’t want to just be grumpy and angry the whole time, so I tried to think of constructive ways to fix certain problems I had with this season. No guarantees that they’re satisfying solutions, but it was an interesting exercise.

Also, I didn’t watch this in real time, and I paid barely any attention to fandom reactions and/or drama, so it’s very possible that I am missing context, or that pacing issues didn’t register with me quite as strongly, etc. If one of the actors ate a live dolphin on Instagram, and then got into a fight with fans on Twitter about their right to eat live dolphins, and now fandom has canceled the problematic dolphin-eating actor, I legit do not know, do not come at me if I’m like “This actor is doing a good job” with “Wow, didn’t know you stanned dolphin-eaters??? YIKES.” Honestly, for the purposes of just grading this season on a storytelling level, I would prefer not to know anything about the cast or crew unless it directly has an impact on the show itself.

Clip 1 - House party

OK, I did like this flashy intro shot, immersing us in the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Teen Party of Wild ‘n’ Crazy Youths.

Amber rejecting every dude in site … When Will Gay Vilde Rise. (I know there have been some f/f storylines in the remakes, but if there’s one involving an actual Vilde, please let me know.)

Luca saying “We’re not walking around in a high school drama” - you can hear the rimshot.

I do like the transition from the party up to the bathroom, that’s a cool shot. wtFOCK’s directing so far is more ambitious than it was in S1.

Robbe is clearly a mess and they acknowledge his problems at home right off the bat.

We go back downstairs. wtFOCK’s version of Magnus knocks his drink on Amber and she gets pissed. She gives him the finger and he falls in love. Still a better love story than S3 Daphne/Basile.

It’s a small point, but I don’t get why we didn’t get this moment before jumping up to the bathroom with Robbe and the others? It would be a far smoother transition, just on a practical level and also in the sense of fully immersing us in Robbe’s POV after a quick update with the other characters.

Belgian Magnus joins the guys in the bathtub and announces he’s in love. They roast him when they find out it’s Amber and start talking about hot chicks. Moyo starts grilling Robbe about his type of girl, in a crass, sexual way.

This is honestly not a bad start to Robbe’s story at all. Robbe is clearly more reluctant to get into his interest in girls than Isak was - Isak was more fuckboyish from the start, Robbe seems like he’s about to start squirming and doesn’t really give an answer to Moyo’s questioning. Which is fine! I think it’s fine to start off the POV character at different stages of performing heterosexuality, as long as it’s taken into account in the writing of the character’s whole arc. The fact that the boy talk is so crude and sexual just ramps up Robbe’s alienation.

I swear, I will never understand how the girls in this scene just go into the bathroom and pee in front of strange boys … like maybe I am just a ~prude but that seems like a recipe for disaster and I would not trust those little fuckers to not be secretly recording me on the toilet.

Her peeing is kind of a power move, like marking her territory.

Also L M A O at Robbe starting to flirt with the girl while she is pissing … like now this comes off as a kink thing. OK, Robbe. Jokes aside, this gets across the same meaning as the scene with Isak: he starts to flirt with her because he was encouraged by the other guys.

Uh, flush the toilet, lady. And use some TP.

Now this version of Emma seriously radiates some Natalie Portman in The Professional vibes.

She orders him to stand up and then starts kissing him. I get way less of a vibe of Robbe’s mad game with women (like how Isak negged Emma into kissing him) and more like this girl is the love interest out of an indie romcom, all mysterious and spunky. She kisses him like once after taking his jay and then leaves. The boys all crack up. Moyo tells Robbe it’s his responsibility to get the weed back which lmao, no it’s not, all you assholes were there and could have intervened.

This scene is perfectly fine and even effective! Not entirely the same vibes as OG, but it still has a purpose and some obvious cause-and-effect, and there are some nice stylistic choices.

Clip 2 - Party pt. 2

Robbe is now making out with mystery girl. We already have a divergence in characterization from OG. Isak was being performative about making out with Emma and shut it down once the guys left. Robbe is making out with this girl because he wants to be straight, I guess? If it’s not to appeal to his friends, it’s likely that this is for himself. Again, I have no real problem with this change if it’s incorporated into Robbe’s overall arc and characterization. My thing is, if you’re writing this scene, do you realize the differences in characterization? Or do you think this is interchangeable from what happened with Isak? The latter is where you run into problems, because then the writing shows lack of nuance. I bring this up here because, well, you can guess how I feel about later events. 

Luca seems rather aggro about the mystery woman, which I assume is because she still has the hots for Robbe?

It makes me laugh that we got this first-person POV as Robbe leaves through the garage, because of the “Smack My Bitch Up” song being played in the last clip (the song had an infamous music video, banned from MTV in the ‘90s, that was from a first-person POV). But again, WTFock is trying harder with the cinematography and direction, good for them.

Robbe ditches the cops by jumping on the bike with Belgian Emma. OK, I get it, Belgian Emma is too cool for school. 

I have kinda mixed feelings on that, actually. I mean, I’ll be honest - I don’t see why any Emma has to be made into someone more palatable. Definitely don’t demonize her or present her in a misogynistic way! She deserves sympathy and dignity as much as any character on a Skam. But … it’s fine if she and the Isak aren’t like, amazingly compatible except for his sexuality. The Even character is supposed to be the one who really shakes up the Isak’s world! The Isak is supposed to be lost and confused and drifting and then Even comes in and is someone he can really open up to. Not just because he’s another guy who’s into guys, but because Even’s personality meshes with Isak’s so easily while still challenging him and introducing him to new things. In a way, it does kinda diminish the effect of the Even if the Isak meets ANOTHER mysterious stranger who’s an awesome person. Or at the very least, it lessens the feeling of the Isak’s detachment from everything.

And again, this could work if the writing realizes it. You can totally craft a subtly different arc from the pieces of Isak’s season. It’s just that (speaking from the future) I do not feel this is what happened.

Clip 3 - Tagging time

I don’t think it’s necessary to break up all the parts of a longer scene/set piece into a bunch of different clips. If you start a scene at 16:00, it’s OK to have the clip take place over several hours. You don’t need to chop it up unless there’s a reason why this pacing might benefit the story. Honestly, if you’re watching in real time, I think this method is often less effective at building tension/emotion/etc. But wtFOCK is not the first remake to try this tactic.

... this part where Robbe and Noor put on masks sure hits differently in 2020.

Belgian Emma’s name is Noor and she takes him to a warehouse, or something? It’s very secret and Cool Kid. And IDK, it’s fun, but again… I think making the Emma that much of a fun mysterious cool exciting person is very much diminishing the effect of Robbe’s isolation. We had a good start with establishing that alienation while he was in the tub, but now his reactions to her rad hipness feel way too sincere and act against the major character conflict of his season. He seems nervous to go with her, but not because he’s with a girl, just because it’s a risky scenario.

Noor hands Robbe a spray paint can and leads him to tag a wall. There’s  a guy taking pictures. So I’m assuming one of the guys in masks is the Even? The POV seems to shift to the photo guy briefly, like we’re seeing Robbe through his eyes. And even though I’m not a fan of POV breakage, I do think this is a cool way to introduce the Even without really introducing him, you know? If that���s him. (EDIT from the future: Ummm, so that wasn’t Sander, right? I’m rewatching and it doesn’t look like him. Soooo that part has even less relevance than I originally thought. Got it.) (EDIT from the future beyond the future: @hellswolfie tells me that this actually was Sander, so I am just bad at recognizing people, lol.)

Robbe and Noor take off their masks briefly to kiss. Uhhhh, did the scene really just … cut off there? Because L M A O what a weird choice. We don’t get to see what Robbe creates on the wall, which could be a great way to establish his character, AND we end with him on a smiley, contented note which does not boost his POV at all. It legit just makes him seem like a guy who’s into this girl, and sorry, even if that’s his public persona at this point in time … that’s not what we, the audience should be getting at all. 

Clip 4 - Boy squad morning after

Robbe skateboards to meet up with the guy squad. Again, the directing is far better IMO than in S1.

Robbe got the weed back so that conflict is over, I guess.

He gets a call from his mom and stops laughing with the guys and gets serious. He walks away to take the call. Then he starts to open up to Jens about his mom freaking out, and then Moyo spots some girls so they all ditch Robbe to go chase girls, and WOW, Jens, please turn in your Jonas card. 

Don’t love that we didn’t hear his mom on the phone. There’s no reason not to let us hear what she’s saying since it would be in Robbe’s POV AND as it turns out, they just tell us about the situation with his mom right off the bat, anyway, so it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it. 

This was effective in a sense to establish how girl-crazy his friends are, as well as setting up Robbe’s isolation, which I was worried wouldn’t come across as strongly after meeting Noor. But I think they could have NOT mingled in his mom issues to make this part more effective. Like if the goal was to show more of Robbe being alienated because he’s gay, then that’s not entirely successful, because there are non-gay reasons why Robbe wouldn’t join his pals on the girl chase. I mean, even a horny hetero Robbe might not want to chase girls with his bros because talking to his mom is a downer, so it’s not necessarily because of his sexuality. Plus he just found a girl he liked in Noor, so apparently, he’s not on the prowl. What this part IS communicating that the Belgian guy squad doesn’t have much interest in their friend’s family struggles, which ... ehhhh, maybe not great in the grand scheme of the storyline? These guys can be flawed, for sure, but we do need them to care about Robbe’s well-being. And Robbe tried to open up here, so the flaw is not in him, it’s in his friends. I’m going to let it slide because Jens was offering to help Robbe in the first clip, so it’s not like he’s been a totally insensitive friend this whole time. 

Clip 5 - Phone call from Robbe’s dad

Noor jumps on Robbe and they make out. She shows him the garage and they talk about the tagging world or w/e. Again, not sure why they are portraying Noor as like … a legit love interest. I don’t get much of a sense of discomfort from Robbe. Isak was just not into Emma and was uncomfortable when his bathroom flirting came back to haunt him. And I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE not to follow that route, but you can’t just make this huge change if you don’t account for it in future episodes and Robbe’s overall arc. (EDIT from the future: Which I don’t think they do, otherwise I wouldn’t care.) Every scene should count in furthering Robbe’s character, especially this early in the season where we’re just getting to know his particular struggles. If Robbe is trying to convince himself to like girls, then I want to see definite vulnerability in how that’s portrayed.

I blame the directing/writing more than the acting for the lack of discomfort, since I sensed Robbe’s lack of comfort just fine in the bathtub scene.

Makeouts get interrupted when Robbe’s dad calls. Again, not sure why we aren’t hearing both sides of the conversation? Because we’re in Robbe’s POV. Why wouldn’t we hear them? This seems like they just want to create some suspense or mystery over the situation with his parents. But it’s perfectly possible to do so while still letting us in on the phone calls. In fact, it’s arguably more intriguing to let us listen to some phone calls where we get some vague details but nowhere close to the whole story. It’s not like Robbe’s dad is going to explain the whole situation to his son in an exposition dump. We can get some crumbs to tease us, while still keeping us in Robbe’s POV and not feeling like the show is cutting corners.

Robbe gets mad at his dad and tells Noor he needs to be alone. Closeup on Noor as Robbe walks away. OK … why? Why on her and not Robbe when it’s his POV? Why the focus on Noor’s feelings when we really need to be establishing our protagonist’s mindset in the beginning of this season? I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter, I’m saying that well, this isn’t her story. It would be better to see Robbe’s pained reaction as he leaves.

Clip 6 - Robbe’s dad drama

Jens comes running up while Robbe is being sad. Robbe says that it may be necessary for him to stay with Jens because Robbe’s mom has been committed to a mental health institution and Robbe doesn’t want to stay with his dad. Ah, so I guess we’re hearing that right away. Which honestly makes not hearing his phone calls to his parents even funnier - like you lock us out of his POV arguably for the suspense, but then you end the suspense anyway by just telling us what happened a scene or two later? All right. I guess there’s suspense in that we don’t know exactly what’s up with the mom, mental health-wise, or the root of Robbe’s problems with his dad.

It occurs to me that maybe they just didn’t want to hire people to voice Robbe’s parents? Or put in the time to film both sides of the conversation? I have a hard time believing either of those because it’s so lazy, but. 

I mean, just turn the phone conversations into text conversations if you’re not going to let us listen to Robbe’s parents on the other end.

They go and play football without really resolving the situation. Sad music plays while Robbe joins in. Also, someone was calling Robbe, and I assume it was his dad, but it’s not shown.

These clips are VERY short and choppy so far. You could easily combine the last two, so Robbe is with Jens instead of Noor when he gets the other phone call from his dad, leading into this conversation.

We know immediately about Robbe’s mom’s situation instead of it being a mystery, like with Isak. Which, again, isn’t inherently wrong, but then I want them to DO SOMETHING with it. 

Clip 7 - Jens and Jana

Oh hey, Jana got her braces off! IDK if that happened last season or this one, but it was something I liked, seeing a teenage girl with braces on a teen drama. That rarely happens unless it’s a joke or a plot point.

OK, they really need to film Robbe’s phone so I can actually see who’s calling…

Jens tells Jana about Robbe’s parental situation. I’ll note that first she asks if something’s up with Noor, so news of the Robbe/Noor relationship must have traveled really fast since they’ve only just gotten together. Like Robbe and Noor are clearly dating, going off Jana’s comment, and not just hooking up. Then Belgian Magnus wants to know about hooking up with Amber. Meanwhile Robbe is having a conversation off screen with his dad? Guess it wasn’t important!

And that’s the problem, obviously. It’s his POV season, anything you decide to show SHOULD be important to his storyline. 

Also … it’s fine that we’re focusing on Robbe’s shit home life since that’s relevant to his story, but almost nothing in these clips has set up Robbe’s attraction to men, and only slightly his lack of interest in girls, which was negated by him seeming very interested in a girl afterwards. And knowing how long this season takes to get going with the Even character, it’s a pretty glaring omission.

So we don’t see Robbe’s phone call with his dad, but he gets snappy about it when Jens asks. One of the boys (I can’t tell who) says that Robbe’s on his period.  Gonna be real, I don’t care for this squad so far. 

What was the point of this clip? We already know Robbe is having problems with his dad, which is the most relevant part to the plot here. We shouldn’t be wandering from Robbe’s POV so much, but even taking that into account … we already know Belgian Magnus likes Amber, so that’s not necessary to establish. And we didn’t need to see Jens tell Jana something we already know. I assume he tells her so Zoë can find out and offer a room, but there’s no reason to see Jens tell Jana this, so. Filler clip. 

Clip 8 - Zoë and Robbe at the lockers

Yeah, Zoë offers Robbe a place to stay here, but again, we didn’t need to see the news travel down the Jens-Jana pipeline. It could have been condensed more efficiently.

Robbe doesn’t want to because he says his dad wouldn’t approve. Zoë says she hopes things get better with his mom and Robbe at first snaps and tells her to leave it, then says thanks. This is an actual good interaction, writing-wise, kudos.

I liked Zoë a lot in S1 and I like her here again. I really should watch her season despite my Noorhelm allergy. The scene of them kinda smiling at each other across the hallways reminds me that this is probably the strongest relationship in the whole season, tbh.

Why was this clip so short? So many of these clips could have been combined into one. I mean, Zoë could have said, “I heard from Jana who heard from Jens...” without us needing the previous clip. Although, did Robbe really want anyone else to know about his home life? Lol @ Jens just blabbing Robbe’s private business.

So I guess they didn’t set up the Eskild situation in S2 that would lead to Eskild offering Robbe a place to stay? 

Clip 9 - Robbe gets roommates

Robbe is in Zoë’s room. He sees her “everyone you know is fighting a battle” quote next to the mirror, which is a detail I actually quite like in context with the rest of this storyline and Even’s condition. It’s a good Skam thesis overall.

I guess Zoë met with Robbe’s dad. Zoë calls him a tough cookie. Robbe doesn’t want to speak to him. They bond a little over their parental problems. Again, a nice detail.

Belgian Eskild appears and teases Robbe a little before announcing that Robbe’s dad has agreed to let him stay in the flat. Yay!

Oh, so Senne is staying there, too? At least they didn’t do a pointless Noorhelm breakup in this version.

Milan (the Eskild) tries to go in for a hug and Robbe isn’t cool with it, so at least that’s something with Robbe’s issues with men. (I think? The thing is, Robbe also does not really know Milan, so it’s not as weird that he’s not ready to be affectionate with a near-stranger.)  (EDIT from the future: Keeping the S2 almost-kiss that’s referenced in the next clip in mind, I can rationalize this moment as a continuation of that awkwardness from Robbe’s POV.) 

They chat with Lisa (Linn) who wants to direct Robbe on what he is and isn’t allowed to touch in her room, heh.  Milan and Zoë have cute interaction, and Robbe looks happy. I do like the flatmate vibe so far, they seem fun.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Milan

Senne and Zoë get cute. I haven’t seen S2 so I can’t give my opinion on their version of Noorhelm, but I did think a few things about them were less creepy in wtFOCK’s S1 than in OG. Milan talks about how they’re a Disneylike couple and Robbe laughs.

Then Robbe apologizes for something that evidently happened in S2, where Milan tried to kiss Robbe at a party? Again, I didn’t see the scene. Milan says he’d never try to do that. He offers Robbe a hug, which he accepts - tbh I don’t know if Robbe SHOULD accept based on where he is in his character arc, maybe he should have more skittishness? But it’s a nice character moment, at least. They really have to make up for lost time with the Robbe-Milan relationship, so I can get that they need to establish some closeness fast.

Not being in the wtFOCK fandom, I kinda wonder if there was backlash to that scene from before and this is damage control, LMAO.

I feel like you could’ve tweaked this to be more representative of Robbe’s issues, like have him stress here that he’s not gay, because it’s a sweet scene but again, I don’t feel like this episode built up Robbe’s internal dilemma very well. You could make this not just about smoothing over whatever bump there was in this relationship, but also about setting up some internal tension with Robbe’s sexuality issues. Multi-tasking - it’s great!

EDIT from the future: OK, I tracked down the S2 scene, and yeah, while it illustrates some of Robbe’s internalized homophobia, I really think you needed to carry this through to this clip. Because that was a very public situation, and they made a point of emphasizing onlookers’ reactions. I feel like you need to show that Robbe’s internalized homophobia isn’t just about external reactions, but internal struggles, because ... so far, that’s what it is? Like what is he doing with Noor otherwise? 

Clip 11 - Housewarming party

Party is underway. Yasmina is there and is friendly with Robbe. It sounds like they’re working on a school project together. Aaron (Magnus) and Moyo are talking about hot chicks again.

Noor arrives and the boys tease Robbe about how far he’s gone, Robbe looks pretty chill and happy until Moyo says Robbe’s getting laid tonight and you can see the nerves and reluctance take over. Okay! A character detail that actually works for his arc! Yes!

Partying, makeouts with Noor … sorry but they are wasting a lot of time with this relationship. ROBBE ISN’T INTO HER. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to demonize any of Evak’s female “love interests,” right? It’s pointless anyway because Evak is the endgame pairing, Sonja and Emma aren’t “threats” in the end, but also because they’re not bad people just for wanting to date these two guys who happens to want each other instead. And I think you can do interesting things with Sonja and Emma as characters. I’ve read Sonja fanfic that’s really good!

But when it comes down to it … this is not the story of Robbe/Noor, and there’s a point where it feels like there’s too much development for something that is really intended to be a speed bump in Robbe’s journey. 

I guess it’s a pet peeve of mine when gay stories devote a ton of time to het relationships, to the point where it begins to overshadow the main gay relationship. Love, Victor did this to an absolutely ridiculous degree. (I actually made notes for Love, Victor reactions, but hesitated to post them because 60% consisted of me typing I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STRAIGHT ROMANCES.) And I GET it, this is an experience many gay kids go through in their coming out journey, but also, less charitably… you don’t need het romance to dominate everything. You don’t need to make this about how a gay person being gay hurts a straight person. I genuinely appreciate that once Isak kisses Even, it’s fucking over with him and Emma, that plot thread is done. 

Anyway, Noor tells Robbe he’s so fucking hot and Robbe looks more uncomfortable, moreso when she wants to see his room and he goes off like he’s headed to Mordor.

Aaron checking out Amber … okay, again with all the het. I don’t care!!! This is not important right now!! 

Noor pushes Robbe onto the bed, ugh please don’t have them Go There.

She takes off her top and Robbe touches her boob like he’s sticking his hand into a porta-potty. We see his discomfort so at least this part is effective and relevant to Robbe’s arc. Noor is taking off her bra when the boys come into the room, wanting the weed. Okay, you dumb fucks, you’re teasing your bro about getting laid and yet you think it’s cool to enter his room when he’s with a girl? I mean, that’s a lucky break for Robbe, but his friends are extra stupid.

The mood is killed, Robbe goes hunting for weed. Episode ends.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Lmao, some of my changes sounded a lot like “be like OG Skam S3.” Because Skam S3 was well-written and made sense. But I tried to think of edits that worked with what wtFOCK was presenting, not just repeating OG.

(I’m also repeating a few things in this section that I said above, btw)

While this episode doesn’t make me angry or anything, it’s got a serious problem with dithering. The first clip is a solid start to the season, but afterwards, so many of these clips feel like filler. There’s a lack of substance to them. It was hard to write about them because they ended up feeling like two minutes of nothing. 

Did we need to see repetitive mentions of Robbe’s troubled relationship with his dad? No, it’s an important plot detail but we could have established that more concisely in fewer clips. Did we need to see the process of how Robbe comes to stay with Zoë, Senne, and Milan? No, not really. Or at least not dragged out over at least three clips. 

I don’t feel like I’m in Robbe’s head to the extent that I should be  so far. Some of this is because the show just flat-out locks us out of his POV, like not showing the phone call in the Jens-Jana clip. But a lot of it is also because of the narrative dawdling. There’s just not as much to analyze unless I bring in Skam season 3 and project what we know about Isak onto Robbe. And that’s not a good way to adapt a story.

The framing of Robbe/Noor needs to change. Combine the bathroom intro with the aborted sex scene - the boys are sitting in the tub, teasing Robbe about getting laid, so he makes out with Noor and they go into a bedroom where he’s clearly not into this, and then Moyo and Aaron come in asking for weed because Robbe still actually has the weed from the bathtub at this point. Or do what Skam France did (can’t believe I’m referring to Skam France) and have the arrival of the cops interrupt the makeout/sex session and Robbe takes his cue to exit.

But frankly, it’s not great to have Robbe acting or looking too cozy with Noor, like this is a legitimate romantic arc except when it gets to the sex. The point is that this isn’t a romance. Even if you want to show some cuddly, non-sexual scenes with Noor, you have to show more of Robbe’s reluctance and fear throughout. 

Show Robbe’s fucking phone conversations with his parents!!!! Good Lord. He’s not ordering a pizza. These are important aspects of his story. Capitalize on that family tension, show us what a bad place Robbe is in at the start of this season. 

Now, about the lack of Even in this episode. Not introducing Even is a bold move, but not necessarily a smart one. Even’s introduction in Skam is not just the intro of “the love interest” - he’s the catalyst for almost everything in Isak’s story. Consider that in episode 1, Isak is seen mostly unhappy and bored - he’s distraught after kissing Emma, he’s checked out of his friends’ lunchtime girl talk, he zones out staring at his teacher’s boobs, he doesn’t want to be at kosegruppa. Isak is actually very passive and just going through the motions, doing what people tell him to do. But once Isak meets Even at kosegruppa - well, that’s when Isak wakes up. In the next few clips, we see Isak taking action. And sure, they’re small actions, searching for Even online, watching the Even video over and over, asking Vilde if there will be more kosegruppa meetings. But we can see that Isak now cares about something, he’s paying attention. Of course, Robbe’s story doesn’t have to follow the same arc. However, it does the season a huge benefit to get him intrigued by something at this point, so we the audience are not just sleepwalking along with him for a few episodes.

There’s also just the simple fact that we have only 10 episodes to establish a love story and make us care about the Even character, and it’s a very risky move to waste too much time. If you are really killing it with the rest of Robbe’s arc, this could still work, but ... well, that’s not what’s happening here.

If they didn’t want to full on introduce the Even directly, one thing they could do is subtly and indirectly find ways to include him in the narrative and create some mystery. Let’s say Robbe sees the Even’s artwork somewhere and is like whoa, that’s cool, and we can tell that it resonates with him. Or he admires Even’s graffiti, or it makes him laugh, whatever. Basically Robbe has some kind of emotional reaction to a thing the Even has created or done, which helps to set up that relationship even before we officially meet the Even.

If we want to add a little more, perhaps Robbe sees a mysterious dude in a mask tagging a wall, but they get interrupted by the cops or something and have some kind of brief but intriguing interaction with each other, and Robbe’s like, who was that guy in the mask? Or Noor takes Robbe to the tagging place, the police/security bust them, Robbe and Noor get separated, and Robbe gets helped out by the Even so he can escape. So it’s an important moment, lots of adrenaline, we can frame it like there’s a sudden ~charge~ between them (ooOOOooo the Even helped Robbe stand up and their hands touched like this was a fanfic, etc.), but he doesn’t learn Even’s name, maybe he doesn’t even see his face because Even has a mask on, so Robbe spends part of the next few episodes trying to figure out who that guy is, casually asking Noor if she knows a guy like that, keeping his eyes open. Maybe we have some fakeouts where Robbe thinks he sees the Even again but it’s just a false alarm. He’s on edge, eager to know more about that mystery guy, and so are we. Bam, we have “awakened” Robbe from his deep sleep. 

If you’ve seen Netflix’s The Get Down, there’s even a scene like this where Jaden Smith’s character gets caught tagging by the cops, he runs and flees with another young dude, and they have a moment where they recognize each other as graffiti artists they admire. While watching that scene for the first time, without any context or spoilers, without even knowing if there would be LGBT content in that show, I immediately thought, “This guy is his love interest.” Not even because it was overtly romantic. Because the way it was written and shot told us that this meeting was important. Because they had an instant connection. Something similar could have worked for Robbe and his Even. But in any case: it would have been best to establish something between those characters, even if it wasn’t an “official” introduction.

Stop focusing on Aaron/Amber when it’s not in Robbe’s POV. Reverse the scene at the beginning with Aaron videotaping and Amber getting spilled on. She gets pissed, he falls in love, and then we follow him upstairs and we meet the boy squad. That is a very obvious, very clean transition that doesn’t interrupt Robbe’s POV as it technically hasn’t started yet. So IDK why they didn’t do that, lmao.

Some changes with the Milan relationship:

Tweak the apology scene to be more representative of Robbe’s issues. Have Robbe apologize while still stressing that he’s not gay. Have Milan be chill and not question that statement, but maybe Robbe is so defensive that it comes across as unconvincing. 

Then have Milan be the one instead of the boys to interrupt the Noor almost-sex scene. Milan wanders in acting drunk, haha Milan, he’s wacky. Robbe doesn’t realize it (though the viewers do if they’re paying attention) but Milan is only pretending and is “subtly” rescuing Robbe because he realizes, based on the earlier scene, that Robbe might be struggling with his sexuality and he wants to give him an escape option. (Although I still think it’s best to combine the not-sex scene into the opening clip, but this could work, too.)

Basic questions we need to be asking, clip to clip: what is the conflict? Where is Robbe’s head right now? Why is this scene necessary? How did this scene come to be - what’s the cause and effect here? How does it advance Robbe’s story? Is it redundant? How do we tell this story in a narratively economical manner? 

#wtfock reactions

[griffinsanddragons]

Personal Thoughts on Malyen Oretsev

After I completely my re-read of King of Scars I plan to read the original Grisha trilogy again.

In part because I miss the series and also because I really want to see if my memory of who Mal is as a character matches up with who he actually is in text. 

I’m publishing this because I guess I want to talk to someone about it lol

From what I’ve seen it’s pretty popular opinion to really dislike Mal.

I remember having pretty neutral feelings for him. I didn’t like him but I didn’t hate him either. My feelings ended up more negative leaning but they shifted a lot while I reading the book. 

Because I read it twice, I remember him best in Shadow and Bone. First as the guy Alina liked then as the guy who came back and was mean to her for ‘no reason.’ 

I realized a little later that this child was traumatized, oops!  But I liked him the second half the book and I was happy with the direction his and Alina’s relationship was going. 

It’s the second two books where my memory gets hazy. 

I continued to like him during the first part of Siege and Storm but then I slowly began to change my mind. 

From what I remember, he starting acting out. 

I think at some point he admitted to wanting things to go back to how it was when he was the center of attention and Alina was at his side and I understand that--wanting to go back to normal when things around you are terrible but at the same time, he didn’t take into account Alina’s feelings.

And it really felt like he just did not want her to be Grisha anymore (or rather he wished she wasn’t at all.) 

This is a good time to say that I read Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom before the Shadow and Bone trilogy so I was already well aware of how bad treatment of Grisha could get. 

It felt like was one of those people who’d date you but then when you talked about your oppression once says things like ‘...but do you have to talk about it all the time?’ 

I remember he apologized and tried to make it up later but me having read his character like that really soured my opinion of him.

I honestly do not have a great memory of Ruin and Rising and I do remember the foreshadowed scene where Baghra heard his voice and said he sounded familiar. That was pretty sweet. 

In the end, I remember feelings let down because I felt like they could only be together after she lost her powers. I felt so weird about it.

BUT 

Despite that, Mal is the best love interest for Alina. 

I can’t exactly remember all of his growth but I know that he did grow so I’m looking forward to seeing that progress when I read the book again. 

...

As for Nikolai and the Darkling...

I love dramatic characters and they’re both dramatic and great. 

As characters I like them both more than Mal but they aren’t great matches for Alina. 

Nikolai is a good guy and is fun and charming and cute but Alina didn’t want to have to play the political game all her life. Though he cared for her, it is a lot to expect someone to grow into love after you’ve already married. 

He’s a great guy tho...I would have married him. 

The Darkling is another character I like a lot but he’s the villain of the story for a reason.

As a character he’s compelling and cool and he is absolutely correct* about the way Grisha are treated. I like villains who are right. (Even better is a villain who is right and ends up changing the heart of the hero, like Killmonger in Black Panther.) 

But I mean...you can’t love someone who tried to enslave you. No matter how much ‘free will’ she might have had, that collar gave him power over her. (and yes I know the influence goes both ways but like...that was not his intention when he gave her the amplifier we know that. Plus, that's a bad situation lol)

Come on...and then he like...attacked other Grisha! Blinded his Mom! Kids died!!!! 

Villains do villainous things and his ‘no matter the cost’ attitude makes him a great character but...Alina could never seriously love him because she’s a fundamentally good person (even if she makes some...questionable choices.) 

A good hero-villain flirtation can be really fun and interesting but that’s all they could ever have. 

But I mean I like him tho...I like him a lot but this post is not about that! 

What I’m saying is that even if he’s not my personal favorite he’s obviously the one Alina should be with. 

And that’s the post. That wraps up my feelings. 

When I read the books again I’m going to look back on this post and see if my memories of Mal are right or wrong.

*I typically have a love-hate relationship with villains who are right because often it’s used as a tactic to demonize the idealology their fighting for but I don’t get that vibe from Leigh Bardugo’s writing. It’s clear that the Darkling is wrong in his actions because HE’S unhinged, not because there’s no real oppression happening.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #do I tag this as mal? #malyen oretsev #I don't want to start trouble tho #anyway stan Genya is the real takeaway from the series #David too

[foxymoxynoona]

Hiii Foxy! I’ve seen you and others mention that you have seen some negative reactions on the pregnancy in Meadow. I’m fully obsessed with your writing and everything surrounding it so I love following along in the discussions here and in the comments on ao3. But I don’t think I’ve seen anyone being very upset with the progression of the story. Which leads me to believe that you’re getting private messages about it which stresses me out, I want you to recieve good vibes only!!

Anyway, as someone who would ideally not see Bronwen having a baby (because she is so young, because her life is so unstable and chaotic, because I would have wished more freedom and fun for her, because I actually terminated a pregnancy at 19 and would not have had it any other way … basically just subjective values and opinions) I am still fully committed to the story and am positive that you will carry us through as you always do. My assumption is that any negative reactions from other readers are just momentary frustrations but that they will for sure want to stick with the story. Imagine agreeing with every step a fictional character takes… boring. That is all lol. Have a fun weekend!

Continued: "Hello again! Just sent you my thoughts about reactions to the meadow pregnancy and realised it might have come across as pointless. I just wanted to give you my perspective as someone on ”team no baby” in hopes that it would reassure you that the appreciaton for your writing and enjoyment of Meadow still remains as strong."

Hello reader! I appreciate so much that you took the time to give me more of the details of your thoughts! There's definitely a tough reality to comments on ao3 where sometimes readers react strongly and I just don't have enough information to fully grasp what they're reacting to and why. You're absolutely right that there's a big difference between being angry at characters or emotional about situations vs. being mad at me the author and feeling like I've ruined the story. I have indeed received both this time and only the latter ones make me sad!

I hope I never give the impression to anyone that they should hold back when they are emotional about the story. I never take anger at character or situations as anything personal about me; in fact I am honored that readers get so worked up and consider that a success! I write people make mistakes, facing hard choices, and learning and growing as people, so of course it should bring up strong reactions at times!

I have received a few messages from people about not continuing the story because of this turn. Which is fine, no one is ever obligated to read something they don't enjoy anymore, and the risk of a long story like this is that it takes twists and turns you just don't like. I just as the writer do take it seriously, because I know how long readers have invested in these long stories of mine. I can't please everyone and I never will BUT I want to make sure that when I write something that is a breaking point for some readers, that I feel like it really is part of the story I'm writing. I try to avoid cheap gimmicky shocks or cheap surprises in my writing.

This is definitely a tough situation for Bronwen. Her challenge to make her own choices is now even more loaded than ever before. Thank you for sharing your own experience --I've heard from other readers who've had abortions young and also other readers who've had babies young. No matter what choice she makes, Bronwen runs the risk of always wondering "what if," or of being told by others she made the wrong choice, or of disappointing the people around her. She has to make this choice for herself, by herself, but she has not yet had the time to gain much confidence in making choices for herself. Especially because so far, the choices she makes often lead to people almost dying... Plus Aloysius and Jungkook are entangled, there's fear and upbringing and shifter culture expectations, etc. She has to evaluate it all. She definitely didn't need more stress in her life, and I'm so sorry B for doing this to you. Poor girl can't catch a break. I'm a mean author.

At the end of the day, I do feel sorry for anyone who felt bamboozled. I hope for those who stick around, I do the story justice and readers can find emotional satisfaction in the choices Bronwen makes, regardless of whether any one reader would have made those same choices.

Again, thank you for your perspective 😘

#asks #meadow #myao3 #anonymous #mywriting

[emekaemy]

I used to look down on Mikasa Eren shippers, as I found the ship so cliche and sister brotherly. But strangely, it was this infamous chapter, 112 which made me rethink about their relationship. This chapter has showed that their supposedly sibling-like (?) relationship is more complicated than it seems.

The emotional density of Eren's speech in 112 made me doubt about him seeing Mikasa as a sister. Whether the feelings are positive or negative- I believe a person can not hold those strong feelings towards someone in his sister's position. During the talk, Eren seemed to experience too much tension to be platonic. This way of talk can be adressed to an ex- girlfriend when you know she has feelings for you but somehow she hurt you and you want her to be hurt as well. Because you know that she loves you and she will be hurt.

If Eren really thought that their relationship was only the Ackerbond, he wouldn't tell all these to break her heart. And Mikasa wouldn't be deeply hurt. He well knows that what Mikasa feels for him is more than a robotic tie and she is a young lady who has feelings for him. Eren sure knows this.

Especially one part of 112 drew my attention:

Mikasa: It was all because of you Eren. You saved my life and put this scarf around me-

Eren: I TOLD you to put your hands on the table!!

I think her sentence about the SCARF hit the very soft spot of Eren, her talk was getting too intense for him to handle the situation, he was scared of showing emotion and changed the talk about their memories by cutting her off harshly. I think the harshness of his reaction to Mikasa's sentence gives him away. (Please read ch 121, Eren's fragility while he's watching the scarf memory.)

His hate confrontation was quite passionate. To me, Eren had never looked like some rude opposite gender as he did in chapter 112. I thought I was not reading a seinen, it looked like a scene from a different genre of manga.

It's possible that after Mikasa's almost kiss&confession, Eren's puberty started (LOL) and it could be the very first moment he saw her in a newlight. But later on he was shocked and disappointed because of the Ackerman past. So, his intention was to break her heart as a revenge. (Some say he was just acting in order to break the Ackerman curse but nobody can act that well and Eren was overwhelmed with emotion, he was glaring!) Still, deep inside, he's aware that Mikasa loves him. There's no way Eren forgot what happened between him and Mikasa in ch 50, Dina Fritz scene.

During his absence, though his mind was busy, Eren still must have contemplated on Mikasa and the nature of his relationship with Mikasa.

We don't know if he will show his real motive and apologize, or he is just telling the truth. We know nothing yet. But the moment itself appeared to me that Eren has (or one time had) feelings for Mikasa. The dialogue didn't seem to me like two siblings' bickering. This chapter is the turning point (though it consists of insult and supposedly negative feelings) where I perceived Eren a male and Mikasa as female. (I know this may sound weird.)

They grew up together as play friends (age 9–10) and after the Colossus they bonded for 6 years. Although they had been bickering and bitter sweet there hadn't occured any big change in their relationship for many years. Except ch 50, It had been stable. (Their fans were frustrated because not much happened in 3 seasons yet, they were too young: 9–15 years old, two orphans, especially Eren with PTSD - too immature to feel that way) So I claim that there had to be a huge earthquake moment between them. (Sadly, not leading to a positive way, instead, to a seemingly negative direction for their shippers)

We can be sure that chapter 112 won't be their final interaction. Even if Eren's harshness may continue for a while, they need to face with each other more openly, before Eren dies. (Hopefully he doesn't)

Nobody who can feel wants such a terrible goodbye to the girl he cared.

If this notorious moment is explained and solved in a good way, I have a hunch that their relationship won't be the same. In other words, their bond may deepen into another aspect. Only something reversely positive and heavier can change this, that red scarf has to be rewrapped around her neck by the same person, if you know what I mean. But I'm really curious how Eren will react to the absence of the scarf when they come face to face, if they ever make up.

The- hate you - moment may lead to a change of their long time undefined relationship. They seem to have entered into a different path. In season 4 (and in the flashbacks where Mikasa learns she is royal and when in railway Eren is talking about whom to hand over his power) Eren really behaves like a young man and acts emotional about or around Mikasa. Especially the railway flashback: They stare at each other and blush! There is no need to mention what kind of emotions do cause blushing…

When season 4 is animated, adult Mikasa and Eren's chemistry will be even more distinguishable.

I like the chapter 107, when Historia laughs at Mikasa: Why did you show your wristband only to Eren? And Eren is almost sneering : So what? Eren must have felt that Historia is the embodiment of the audience shipping them. She may have looked like a giggling high school girl. He and Mikasa have given a big piece of gossip to her. Eren's amused expression continues even in the next panel.

Some people shipping Historia and Eren may think Eren is annoyed at Historia for pairing him with Mikasa. But I perceived it a funny moment where Eren was amused at the fact that because of a girly instinct, Historia knew there was something going on between him and Mikasa.

With the commotion in 112, the author has also created some material and reached to a path to make a drastic change in the relationship. I know he hates cliche romances, but with 112, their relationship is now far from being cliche. It has become rather complicated.

I'm almost glad to read 112. Though it was harsh, Eren and Mikasa had their moment. He is sure to have gained emotional depth. To feel something (love or hate) requires emotional depth. Between the ages of 9 - 15, Eren was neutral to all the girls in the series but only Mikasa, a caring, sibling-like figure, was different.

However, she is still different from other girls in his perspective: this time being the figure he supposedly hates, the figure whose heart he intentionally breaks. Gosh, these are very strong vibes, hinting to a reverse position in which his love could be very strong just the same.

In the 4th season when they are drawn side to side, one can feel the chemistry. Mikasa and Eren do not resemble to siblings anymore.

Their shippers must be devastated after 112. I, who despised the ship must admit that I'm now on the verge of shipping. I believe that we will be seeing the red scarf one more time. Its role hasn't finished yet. 

Besides, I can't imagine a situation in which Mikasa is in love with another guy and Eren is OK with this. He can not handle being the second important man in her life.

From the interviews, I get that the author respects Mikasa so much that he does not feel like setting her as the hero's girl. And this is one of the reasons he opened the way for her independence. But being independent doesn't necessarily mean abandoning your beloved ones.

Besides, If Mikasa was his love interest in the beginning, her character would be ruined. But the manga is coming to an end. So, if something gets real, it won't ruin Mikasa. Her character depth and her charisma have already been confirmed in many chapters.

They love each other very much. She is clearly shown to have romantic feelings for him. They are not siblings. So I believe, one day Eren will be more open to her and assuming he survives, they will be together.

From now on, we will have an independent young woman and a young man. He had already announced his independency, then she threw away her collar as a sign of her independency. Hopefully, we won't be seeing Mikasa protecting and sticking to him like a mother or an older sister.

I don't want to sound too optimistic. The title question is: does Eren have feelings for Mikasa? And my answer is yes, he does.

Unfortunately, they probably won't kiss or confess, contrary to how the shippers expect. I think it will only be implied to the reader that their feelings are more than platonic and it's all. This could be the best scenario. Still, one can not blame the shippers. It was the same author who created the characters, their bond and wrote their beautiful moments.

As a conclusion; the look on his face, especially his narrowed eyes in ch 121 show whatever Eren feels for Mikasa is rather strong.

Although the chapter showed his eyes generally large with wildness, in this image he is stuck between a sad smile and a cry.

Yes, he is overwhelmed with emotion, again. Whether he says he hates her or sees himself wrapping the scarf around her, he is overwhelmed. When our subject is Mikasa, he is just too overwhelmed with strong feelings.

Everybody says Eren went through so much character development and became very mature in the 4th season. Just the same, this Eren can feel deep love towards a young woman who has always been there when he needed. And her name probably starts with M.

#Source: L. Sonia Nishimiya #Eremika #Mikasa #Eren #ErenXMikasa #MikasaXEren #anti-eremika

[lordeasriel]

I really care about your opinion, how do you feel about the bbc show and the way it's going?

I feel like before I give my take, I need to say that I understand the show is its own thing, and while I do wish they did a better job adapting certain things, I understand that sometimes there is a need for radical change or cut, especially when your budget is not super high (which HDM does have a lot of money into it, still is not a super big budget production, so they have to worry about these things). And I do enjoy many things about the show, but my overall vibe is mixed, to be honest. I’m stating this now because people often question whether I like the show or not, becaus I do criticise it a lot, and I simply have a critic view of the things I like, which is why I discuss them a lot and it can be overwhelming.

My main issues with the show are these 3 things: (which I’ll put under the cut because this got a bit longer than I wanted to lmao sorry)

Lack of worldbuilding and loose lore: I’ve been talking about this since day one, and this mostly applies to season 1 because I can’t judge season 2 yet because it’s not fully aired yet, but the show suffers from lack of worldbuilding, especially in Lyra’s world, which is the world that sets everything in motion. I still dislike the fact they introduced Will mid-NL, I don’t think he needed all those episodes to establish something that easily could’ve been done in S2 and because they gave TSK a lot of time, other parts of Lyra’s world suffered considerably, mainly the witches and the Magisterium.

The show doesn’t really expand on those two groups, especially, and I think that’s not good, especially the Magisterium (which they have over simplified by making it one big baddie, or so it seems at least, not to mention that implying a single leader for them practically ruins Marcel Delamare’s arc in TBOD and I’m very mad about that lmao). A lot of the Magisterium plot has that infighting aspect, which creates tension on their side as well as against their enemies, but the show doesn’t really explore that or the nuances of the Church, and they also don’t explore how varied the witches are, and I feel like this is a serious mistake. (The portrayal of the witches is by far my least favourite thing in the show, if I’m being honest).

Dull parallel world (and lack of daemons): this ties a bit with the worldbuilding aspect, but this is mainly about design choices. I think the show doesn’t make Lyra’s world as unique as it should be. On its own the world looks pretty and the outfits of most of the cast are great, but when you realise that Will’s world is intertwined with that, you don’t really feel like these two worlds are vastly different.

There is an odd situation in which Marisa’s fashion feels 30s/40s, but most of the men from her social circle (not fair to compare with the gyptians) just wear plain suits and they look much more modern. And while I get that they went for a timeless vibes, with different eras and styles, Lyra’s world feels like a caricature and it doesn’t feel believable. The colour palette is mostly the same for both worlds (even in s2, it’s hard to tell much of the difference because either the scenes are indoors or at night.) This, paired with the lack of daemons (which has been discussed many times in the fandom) kinda bums me out.

Marisa’s oversimplification: I’m mentioning Marisa, specifically, because she is the one that suffers the most due to this writing issues, but other characters like Lord Asriel, MacPhail, the general collective of the Witches, they all suffer from the writing trying to take away the nuances of them and make them flatter than in the book. Marisa is the worst because without her complexity and her flaws, she simply gets dull and boring and flavourless, and it’s kinda what has been happening in the show in my opinion. All she does is weep and she has no strength that doesn’t rely on a random fit of rage that dies out and she gets upset. There’s some great moments, like when she mimics the Monkey, but most of the time she’s just a shadow of who she is supposed to be.

The show tries really hard to make her a Scorned Mother - right from the get go, they try to makes us see how she wants Lyra, how she struggles with her “bad nature” and how that affects their relationship. There is this lingering implication that Lyra was taken from her against her wishes; they make it seem like being a mother to Lyra is her driving force, the only reason why she seeks power and influence. And that is the opposite of Book! Marisa, who is a force of nature, ruthless and ambitious, with not an ounce of maternal instinct.

She does eventually decide to help Lyra, instead of harming her, but even that action comes from a narcisistic place: Lyra is to her a possession, something that belongs to her, and that she wants to preserve. The show just handles her badly, falling into overused, boring tropes that struck far from the book version.

These are usually my main complaints about the show, and they upset me every episode to the point I’m practically ignoring them now lmao The show does a lot of good things too, making Will less of a prick, restoring Lyra’s personality from the first book into S2 Lyra (so far, please keep it that way), Mary is looking great too. They have mostly a great cast, and they did improve the daemons this season (except uh, there are far less daemons to show because of the other worlds - and the Ruta Skadi daemon change pisses me off tbh).

They do have a lot of interest in the show, but the writing (the main issue to me) feels clunky and childish, with the show toning down most of the themes that make His Dark Materials so special, especially to me (which frankly I expected them to do, but it still stings a bit). They make the Magisterium a single bad entity that feels more Authoritarian-Fascist, than a theocracy (even if they sneak in the religious symbols and rituals and garments, it’s just not a good portrayal, it’s very tame and shy); and they try to justify Marisa’s actions (especially in current interviews, there’s lots of talk about how her background will play in the show to “explain why she is the way she is”). The fact the Magisterium is portrayed as pure evil makes it looks less familiar than it should be, and therefore they don’t look scary, they seem like a caricature, a joke.

A lot of the essence of the characters get lost, and the core message of the story too, like when Iorek and the Gyptians tell Lyra she can be one of them, to support her lack of “proper family”, when that is the opposite of the books message. It doesn’t make sense for them to change that, other than maybe Jack Thorne wanted to because it makes the story feels less hopeless, but it’s why he fails to adapt these character - he doesn’t capture the essence, he tries to write these character with gaps in them.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is how they portray Asriel. It’s just... it’s bad. Really bad, which is a shame cause James is talented as fuck, but he had little time to film for season 1, and then they portrayed him very poorly. That scene when he addresses Roger in episode 7 is ridiculous, Asriel would never behave that way; there was relief in him finding Roger was there too, yes, but not to that extent and not in such a cringe way. Asriel is not deranged or irrational, he is a man on a mission, and Roger was a tool (there is no pleasure in Asriel taking his life and no excuses - it needed to be done and he did it); they just needed him to sound creepy in the show for whatever reason.

I hated how they handled the bridge scene for Asriel, Lyra and Marisa, but that’s long and complicated for me to explain here. In S2, there has been some mentions of him so far, including the implication he might have ruined Cittàgazze himself and I frankly don’t understand where did they get that idea. But the cherry on the top was Thorold telling Marisa that Asriel was gonna kill Lyra and that’s just-- that’s so dumb. That’s genuinely dumb writing, because Thorold knows Lyra followed Asriel to the mountain, and while I do believe Asriel would have killed Lyra if Roger wasn’t there, there is no way Thorold should know or consider that Asriel was gonna hurt Lyra, because Roger was there. In fact, Thorold’s interactions with Asriel in episode 8 already disprove this, so either Thorold was lying in S2 for the sake of, I don’t know, chaos or whatever, or the person who wrote this was a five-star, solid gold, fucking moron.

I’m not gonna mention the lost episode because that was no one’s fault, but the fact that they discarded an episode that all information we have on imply that it was important to set up the backstory of the angels and the city, it’s... concerning. It means they wrote something parallel that should’ve been woven into the season.

The truth is, I still watch the show on Sundays, and I still like some stuff they do (especially Mary’s stuff, so far), and despite me slandering the show per your request anon lol (cause unfortunately my honest opinion is mixed, I just don’t try to overfocus on the negative on Tumblr, I mostly talk about it on discord or private), I do think anyone who has read the books should watch the show.

For me, personally, everything I love about HDM is barely on the show - complex characters, the philosophy, the oppression by religion, the interesting world - and the vibe I get is that they’re adapting a coming-of-age love story, which is the last and - being fully honest - the least important message these books give us, but unfortunately they were set to making a family show from the start, and my expectations were high and unmatched, and a family is what we’re getting: toned down, cute, pretty visuals and soulless (heh, pun intended), philosophically speaking. I expect a certain pattern going into S3, but I always like to hold out hope that they will hire better writers (apparently Jack Thorne already wrote 4 scripts, so there you go lmao), and try to give HDM the adaptation it deserves. The truth is, if you’re a picky, canon reliant person like I am, the show might be a struggle, but if you just like the story for the teen romance, or if you don’t care about overthinking a show/book, then most people can have a good time with it.

#asks #effie watches hdm #sorry it took me a while and sorry for the gigantic critique #but i wanted to be honest about my take on the show so far #Anonymous

[taetaespeaches]

hi Liv! oh my gosh i'm sorry that it has taken me forever to get back you! i finally got caught up on all of your fics, and i know that i have said this before but i love your writing so so much! everything is always so well written and i really love how you put so much thought and effort into it. you always seem to take traits that the boys have irl and incorporate them into the fics, as well as portraying what an actual relationship looks like - having both ups and downs.

Jin and Poopsie are an absolute breath of fresh air. they both have that chaotic energy to them that Jin himself exudes. i also love how they were best friends before they actually got together. my most favorite fic from these two definitely has to be "I still choose you every single day" where Jin told her "I just don't want to contribute to anything negative in your life, that's not what a partner should do." LIKE UGH🥺 he is just absolutely perfect in every way possible!!

Min and Kid are just two precious babies. 😭 they're one in the same. while reading their story up to now i had this thought in the back of my head that maybe that they were so hesitant at first to get close to each other was because they'd possibly been hurt before in the past, and just had some kind of wall built up from the particular experience? i feel like i have read the "I know it's 4 am but it's snowing" fic almost a thousand times. the whole time i was just like 🥺 they gradually became more comfortable with each other and were more open to talk about a lot of different things; it's so refreshing and warm to see! they are 100% my faves!

next to Min and Kid, Jimin and Dear are my second faves! for some reason the two relationships feel the same to me and have similar dynamics but with just different people and different situations. they both have definitely had their rough patches but they were able to work through them and come out stronger and better than ever. the reason why they remind me of each other a lot aside from that is because of Jimin and Dear's breakup; it reminded me of how before Min and Kid made things 100% official, there was a point in tine where Yoongi had to go to Japan and when he got back he went to see Kid. they had that argument and Kid said "you know that I would ruin myself over and over again for you." they are both willing to whatever it takes to be with each other, and even though the girl wanted them both Jimin and Yoongi felt like they weren't enough for them?

Namjoon and Daisy are so fond of each other that it's so adorable. i remember in the post where you gave facts about the girls you mentioned that Daisy can't cook but is learning, sings in the shower, has a fashion sense, and is intimidating but soft; it's like she is the girl version of Namjoon in some way. in my head i can definitely imagine the two of them coordinating outfits, going on long walks together, giving each other help and tips while cooking. i can also see them just doing simple little things like more museum dates, picnics in a park, hiking together, reading together, playing games together on rainy days in. they level each other out well!

Jungkook, Hobi, and Tae's relationships also strike me as being a little similar because it's like they both just have a love that's purely innocent. they have their ups and downs to but majority of everything that comes from them is wholesome.

(i hope you are doing well and staying safe love!!❤❤)

Omg don’t apologize, you’re totally fine! I’m so glad you enjoy the fics, that makes me really happy! Min and Kid are just a little special lol they are overwhelmingly the favs on here and rightfully so haha. I agree, there are certain couples that definitely share similar origins/have similar dynamics. I would even group Daisy and Joon into the Min/Kid and Jimin/Dear group bc of Daisy’s fears and hesitations early on. Those three are all really fun couples to write because of the growth they’ve made since their hard times. 

Jin and Poopsie lmao I personally relate to Jin a lot so writing for them is so fun because I get to let all my chaotic strangeness out on them. I do that with Tae and Peaches a little bit too and it’s always a good time lmao. 

Omg I’m actually planning a fic where Daisy is giving Joon cooking lessons, even though she’s far from a pro herself. They really are kind of mirrors of each other :( 

I agree, Jungkook/Holly, Hobi/Petal, and Tae/Peaches all maintain this kind of wholesome/innocent/besties within the domestic sphere vibe. They never have too many conflicts and when they do they can easily work through them and forgive and move on. There’s just a lot of mutual understanding between these three couples. They’re so sweet :( I swear, everyone deserves the Petal to their Hobi or vice versa and that’s that on that. 

Thank you for sending this, I love hearing your guys’ thoughts on the couples and it means a lot that you took the time to type all of this up <3 

#tokyohobi #asks #shea <3 #you're so sweet for sending this #i love that your favs are min and kid and jimin and dear. those babies deserve all the love

[spilledinkstories]

Be A Time Lord, and Pass Your Own Vibe Check

I’ve struggled to put together a review for this, but I’ve taken an interest in this kind of writing recently, so...here goes. I promised myself I would review the books I read this year lol, and...

I started reading a couple “self help” books this year. 

And “Stop Doing That Sh*t” by Gary John Bishop is kind of the self help book for people who don’t want to be dazzled by, well, bullshit. 

Rather than trying to shower you with glitter and sprinkles, platitudes and promises that you hold the keys to your future...you know, the kind of stuff you think some infomercial guy might turn into an audiobook with serene music in the background...

yeah, this isn’t that. 

This guy shoves your own nonsense in your face and says “ya like the smell of that cookin’?” 

He basically says “waddup nerd, this is your psychology and you should make an effort to understand it, so you can accept it.” 

There’s literally a quote toward the end where he says the most pure form of human acceptance is the general way we perceive a lightbulb: not positive, not negative, we literally have no opinion on if its good or bad, it is just a lightbulb. Or a clothes hamper. It’s just a hamper. No “charge or reaction to” the thing, is how he phrases it. It just is, and we give it no second thoughts.

And he says that’s how you need to learn to view your insecurities and negative thoughts toward the world. You can’t outrun, outsmart, or outwork the core conceptions (there are 3, and he spends a lot of time explaining them, but basically deep-rooted values that colour how you’ve trained yourself to “survive”. they’re usually negative beliefs, and they are central to how you behave). So he says understand and accept them, and you can pivot away from certain reactions because you’ll be able to see them coming. 

Like, that’s the book. 

It doesn’t dare you to stop hitting your snooze button. 

It doesn’t bring up running marathons, or hitting a personal best in weight lifting or getting through your never ending to-be-read pile because you’ll finally start reading in the evening instead of watching TV. 

He doesn’t point to a path that he thinks will be your version of success. It’s more like “you know your own dreams, and here’s why you’ve been standing in your own way”, and I find psychology interesting so it was an interesting take on this kinda stuff.

Literally he says you should just work on being self-aware for a while. Why don’t you want to try with things that you say you want? He calls it “self sabotage” and it’s to do with the core negative beliefs you hold.

He spends the last lil chunk of the book saying once you’ve got that down, you know what core beliefs tend to make you throw everything to the dogs (like being insecure or fearing you’re not enough stopping you from taking great job opportunities or maintaining healthy relationships, or just allowing yourself to be yourself with your friends), you need to learn to accept that you can have a great life. 

A quote he puts in is “How good can you stand it”, which weirdly is something I thought about before reading this? That’s a bit “self-helpy”, I get that, but like...if you could have a so called “perfect” life, your absolute dream life...then what? would you be able to keep it? This guy is a life coach and he says it’s a super real problem. 

He says you get addicted to your beliefs. So if you believe life is a struggle, absence of struggle in your life can make you uncomfortable because it would force you to find a new definition of life, causing you to self destruct (gamble away money, ruin relationships, etc), because self destructing puts you back at square one which is comfortable. It allows you to maintain damaging beliefs (yeah this book is brutally honest at times lol).

He literally says people self destruct because it allows them to avoid growth/change, and stay comfy.

The last bit, I really liked, and it reminded me a bit of another book Atomic Habits by James Clear, kind of about identifying yourself with what you want, not what you have been.

He throws in a quote that goes something like “we assume the past drives the future”, that those core beliefs and preconceived notions dictate what is possible for later life. That you can’t break the cycle, that time is linear.

He suggests instead to really hold in your mind’s eye what you want: career, living situation, partner, blah blah blah, and then break that down into milestones, and then into baby steps, and then start walking. 

forget what systems you lived by before, cause they don’t work. You’ll stay stuck.

He argues not to predict your future based on now, but to dream a future and then start peeling away everything that isn’t that. 

He uses the example of Michelangelo chipping away everything that wasn’t the statue of David, as he famously said he believed David to be underneath all that rock the whole time. He gets into this because I guess we all grow up with caps on what we deem possible - our parents made this much, so we aim for X, and too much excess is just out of bounds. Which I guess makes sense (and as a personal aside I disagree with his statement that “gratitude has been done to death”. Knowing how to be happy with a little is important, I think. Define your values and know what matters).

Use the future to inform your next steps, he’s saying, and recognize your own wiring and internal monologue, so you can sense your own bullshit from a mile away and do one of those pivots that Ross is so fond of. So if you do get the life you dreamed of, you don’t screw it up once you're there. 

You have the backbone to find a new dream.

***

Cons:

he doesn’t say much about positivity, which ironically I really felt the lack of, even though going in he promised none of it and I found it refreshing.

 I think that if you’re gonna pay this much attention to your own thought patterns, you should build in habits of gratitude and like...recognition of all the things that can and do go right.  I think for some people, a starting point of “lemme see everything I’m doing wrong in my mind” could go sideways pretty quickly. If you’re new to that kind of thing, I would say approach it slowly and with caution and take breaks. You’re not setting out to beat yourself up. Just observe. Don’t judge. Take field notes, and do experiments with reacting differently to things and take field notes again. Let yourself be. 

I also don’t think that you should ignore your intuition. There are times where it’s good to pass on relationships or opportunities or jobs. Don't push yourself to do things for the wrong reasons - I guess that would count as self sabotage too. 

TL;DR He’s really just saying get to know yourself so you can steer your own ship effectively. 

Anyway. 

This was way more rant-y than I intended it to be but oh well this is my blog lol.

2020/Covid/suddenly living in the slow lane led me to do some internal maintenance this year, and I've been interested in being responsible for my own psychology for years, so...I thought I’d share my thoughts. :)

also it is late there are probably spelling mistakes too bad lol

#covid reads #quarantine reads #book review #bookblr #tbr #December tbr #writerblr #review #rant #self help #motivation #untuck yourself #stop doing that shit #gary john bishop #motivating myself #mental health #psychology #psych #dr who #David tennent #iron man #Tony stark #tangled #disney #rapunzel #flynn rider #friends #ross geller #pivot #time lord

[adustierstar]

Lawblr Book Club

Hello naughty children, it’s time for Nissa’s Opinions

Coming in RIGHT under the wire for October book club, but still. I have read the reboggles I could find on T’s tag (bc tumblr search is what it is), and now it’s my turn.

General Questions:

1 - What did you like best / least?

I liked the worldbuilding a lot - I want to know more about the Reaches and the Travelers and why everything is made of wood in Kolonya?? Least... we will get to lol

2 - Would you read more by this author?

mmmmmmmmmmaybe. Like I want to know wtf happened, but I’m also still pretty mad about the ending. We shall see.

3 (a) - If this story followed a different character’s POV, who would you pick and why?

tbh the last thing this book needs is more POVs

3 (b) - Did you like how the three different sister’s POV was used to push the narrative forward? Did it make your reading experience more or less enjoyable?

idk, it was a little slow for my tastes. I did like that the girls all had different perspectives, but I wish they’d had more different personalities. Like Ren and Akeylah are the same person, just brought up with different abuse. And if Zofi has a personality beyond anger, she’s probably the same, too.

4 - What scene stuck with you the most?

I really liked the first time Ren and Zofi confronted Akeylah in the library - it was kinda “did we just become best friends?! YUP!” but also FINALLY gave them a team vibe and distinct specialties.

5 - What kind of lingering questions were you left with (besides the obvious cliffhanger WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME ELLEN)

literally what was the point of this being its own book if the single main conflict wasn’t actually resolved???

6 (a) - Could you relate to the characters & their story arcs?

Meh. I mean, a little bit? But overall I didn’t find them terribly relatable.

6 (b) - How do you feel about each character’s ending?

WHAT. ENDING.

7 - Were there times you disagreed with a character’s actions / would have done something different in their shoes?

YES MANY.

8 - Were you rooting for any character or pairing in particular?

I wanted to like Akeylah best bc she seems really sincere and genuine, BUT then suddenly all of her “I’m a secret genius” calculating stuff comes up and it’s a little tough to reconcile those things. I liked each of the girls okay, but I didn’t feel like there was a clear answer to who should rule (aside from Ren’s musing about all 3 of them, maybe).

9 - Do you picture any specific fancasts when reading the book?

The only one I have any clear idea what she looks like is Akeylah, but I can’t think of anyone who looks like that, you know? I think of Zofi as looking like an angry Ice Climber from Smash Bros. And like...idk maybe Letitia Wright for Ren? Maybe Lupita Nyong’o or Gugu Raw for Rozalind, unless she’s supposed to be the girls’ age, then somebody younger, I guess? Idk.

Story Specific Questions:

11 - Did you enjoy how each girl’s secret was teased out? Do you like when authors slow-roll this kind of information?

I do like a slow rollout (”who taught him ‘rollout’?!”), I think there’s a lot to be said for setting readers loose in medias res, BUT I also think it wasn’t handled amazingly here - idk maybe it’s just me, but I felt like it was sort of stage-whispering. Like “oh no I hope no one guesses my TERRIBLE SECRET!!! I would be in SO MUCH trouble!!” It just felt very obvious to me, although the secrets themselves weren’t obvious (the first time we learned about them).

12 - Do you think each character was fleshed out sufficiently, such that you had a sense of the different personality for each sister?

Not really? Kind of. An attempt was made with the girls, but basically no one else got any dimension whatsoever.

13 - Do you have guesses on who the blackmailer is?

Not really, bc this book broke every rule of how to write an engaging mystery. Like literally the only people who could POSSIBLY be it from the information we have are Rozalind, Vidal, and Andros, none of which really make sense given everything else, but like???? I guess Rozalind is my best guess bc she was acting kinda sus re: the acolyte etc. But I think that would be a bad choice unless a lot of other things change between now and that reveal.

14 - Was Yasmin a believable antagonist to you?

Like. I thought she was SCREAMINGLY obviously a red herring the entire book. She was brusque with the girls, and there was some weirdness in the first scene where the girls meet the king where I thought maybe she was possessing him, but that’s obviously just the weird mind link thing they did, and that’s it. Like being a bitch isn’t illegal.

15 - Do you think the daughters’ secrets were defensible actions?

Kinda? Like, definitely understandable, but like, is murder ever defensible? Ren had no reason to suspect her information would be used the way it was (whether or not Danton knew is something I’m not convinced on either way), Akeylah had no reason to believe she wasn’t cursing the man she fully expected to kill her (although MAYBE she should have paid closer attention during the cursing itself?? Like, the distance seems like it should have played a role in how hard it was to find “her father”), and Zofi perhaps overreacted, but used what seemed like appropriate force at the time in defense of another’s life (or rather she couldn’t/didn’t want to  think of a way to simply restrain or incapacitate Nicolen, so stabby stabby). Was it stupid? Yes, for all of them. But they’re children (are they 18? I forget how old they’re supposed to be. Also, why are they the same age, if they are? was that just Andros’s Good Fuckin Year?)

16 - How do you feel about this unique system of magic?

WEIRD. I NEED MORE INFORMATION. WHY does the blood have to be drawn? Where does it go? What is the scarring situation with these people? What about the SHARDS OF GLASS permanently embedded in Zofi’s legs? Speaking of which, how the FUCK are Travelers out here hand-blowing glass in a mobile way??? That’s not a pick-up-and-carry craft! What’s the cooldown period for tithing? Why is it CALLED tithing? Who are you tithing TO? What negative effects are there for tithing for too long? Zofi mentions that they exist, but this is never explained. I feel like after all her reading, Akeylah should be able to answer these questions for me. BUT SHE DIDN’T.

17 - Was the theme of racism sufficiently handled?

Handled..??? If by that you mean vaguely suggested as existing and occasionally seems to have affected some characters’ lives, sure. Like, the closest we got was “Vidal’s not as racist as some other people yay!”

18 - Do you have any theories about the poem found in the library?

tbh I don’t even remember a poem in the library, just the notes about the weird echo situation.

19 - How did you feel about the cliffhanger ending?

BAD. VERY BAD. It was like the ending of Cars in that it retroactively ruined a lot of the book for me. NOTHING was accomplished in this ENTIRE book WHY

#lawblr book club