#they've said some other stupid shit too

[satoruxx]

SAUDADE.

✧ PAIRING: gojo satoru x f!reader, geto suguru x f!reader | 3.7k words

✧ SUMMARY: canon au, set after geto leaves so lots of unresolved feelings, alternate between past and present, megumi and tsumiki cameo, satoru has a raging crush on you but you're blind, suguru also had a raging crush on you but you were still blind, slight angst bc canon jjk events, lots of longing on suguru's end, you're confused af, satoru PINES for you and shoko is so tired of him, but overall very fluffy

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: will i ever publish the actual canon au? who knows. this fic is written in that same au but it's just a snippet of their lives. if you've read angel on my shoulder, just know that's an alternate ending of this au where reader dies lol. but this is very sweet bc you don't die !! you and satoru love each other lots but suck at showing it. happy valentine's day everyone <33

you glance at satoru's giddy smile, wariness creeping up your shoulders before turning to shoko. "what's wrong with him?" you ask, shifting slightly from where you're leaning against one of balconies of jujutsu high.

"who knows?" she sighs, eyes flickering up to glance at the snowy haired sorcerer just barely before they turn back to you. "ignore him."

"hey!" satoru huffs, walking closer to sling an arm around your shoulder—casual, like it's something he doesn't have to think about. you grumble under the extra weight, shooting him a glare, but he's too busy smiling like he's up to something.

"so…" he grins down at you, eyes shining and full of mischief. "know what day it is today?"

you blink at him, trying to scour your brain. "what's the date again?"

satoru gives you a blank stare, before sighing heavily. "god you're slow. it's february 14th, stupid."

"oh," you reply blankly, relaxing because it's nothing inherently important. "so valentine's day?"

satoru's smile comes back full force—cheeky and blinding. "exactly! and when i went shopping today guess what happened?"

"what happened?" shoko asks boredly, shaking her head when she makes eye contact with you.

"well," he drags out the word, crossing his arms like he's pleased with himself. "i was walking along after picking up some sweets because—"

"because you have an addiction," you supplement, and satoru pauses to glare down at you, reaching out to flick a long finger against your forehead.

"it's not an addiction! and don't interrupt me! anyways—"

you smother a smile that shoko mirrors.

"—i was walking and then these two girls came up to me all smiley. like they were giggling and shit, right?"

"uh huh."

"and they started going on and on about how i was the most handsome guy they've ever seen. and then they asked how come i was walking around by myself on valentine's day."

you blink, suddenly feeling a strange mix of interest and irritation.

"so i told them that it's not really my thing and that i didn't have anyone to celebrate with anyway. and then they said it was actually a crime that someone like me was single on valentine's day."

you have to suppress a roll of your eyes, though you're not sure why.

"so basically the moral of the story is that i'm extremely charming and super good-looking too! and that girls love me!"

he looks at you, eyes scrutinizing your expression as you glance at shoko, unimpressed.

"that's it? that's your crazy story?"

"well you guys always say i'm full of it when i call myself hot! now i have proof that it's a universal truth!"

"well we're not stupid—" shoko rolls her eyes, hugging her arms to push away the cold as she leans against the railing. "—we know you're freakishly hot. you're just obnoxious and we like teasing you."

"ugh." satoru rolls his eyes, huffing as he stretches his joints. "you guys are ridiculous. and—"

he pauses, an odd expression crossing his face as he blinks in thought. then he's turning to you with the most smug smirk you've ever seen on him. "wait. you think i'm hot?"

you frown, lips parting in mild confusion. "huh?"

"that's what shoko just said. that you think i'm freakishly hot."

your brows shoot up, an unfamiliar rush of heat crawling up your skin. "but she said both of us! like it's just something that's obvious. i mean as long as you have eyes anyone can see—"

"oh so it's obvious, is it?" satoru's expression is oddly giddy, a pink flush settling high on his cheekbones.

you gape at him, suddenly speechless. you don't remember satoru ever having the ability to make you speechless before.

you can't comprehend the stirring in your chest—uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

"you—" you scoff, reaching up to shove him away. "you're full of shit. doesn't change no matter how hot you are."

shoko has gone quiet, eyes darting between you and satoru with an uncharacteristic glint of curiosity. but satoru's gaze does not stray away from you, pearly whites on full display as he licks his lips. he doesn't say anything else, running his fingers through his hair.

"sure sure," satoru hums—pleased. "whatever you say."

you throw shoko an exasperated glare, and she shakes her head, though there is a shine of amusement in her eyes—like she knows something that you don't.

"i mean, they were right you know?" satoru ponders, leaning back against the railing. "why aren't we doing something fun today? we used to go out and buy a shit ton of chocolate back when—"

he stops, expression going sour, before disappearing all together. there is a clear absence, one that the three of you notice but try not to linger on.

("valentine's day?" suguru had asked years ago, glancing down at you with a smile. "you like it?"

"definitely not," you reply, cheeks warming as you fiddle with the sugared churros in your hand, unable to look at him. "what's so great about a day where couples spend a shit ton of money on each other to make the rest of us singles feel miserable?"

a muted chuckle, and when you look up suguru's eyes are shining with mirth. "i'm sure you wouldn't think that if you weren't single."

"i guess," you huff, glancing at the sidewalk. your face feels like it's on fire—but suguru has always had that effect on you. "not very likely to happen though."

the expression suguru throws you will linger in your mind until the day you die. "what do you mean?" he asks—incredulous, like you were speaking nonsense. he stops in his tracks, the busy streets bustling around him as you continue to walk.

you take a bite of your churro, glancing back at him with clear confusion. "huh? oh i just meant me dating someone is unlikely," you shrug, though suguru looks speechless, lips parted and eyes wide behind dark bangs.

"why on earth do you say that?" he asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. he seems to visibly shake off his initial shock to continue walking, and you patiently wait for him to rejoin your side—he does.

"i don't know," you say, somewhat bashfully because you don't usually talk about these things with him. "do you really think there's room for things like that in our lives?"

"do you?" he counters, and you're too busy formulating your answer to notice that he's oddly interested, eyes continuously darting over your face.

"i mean, it'd be great if there was," you ponder, taking another quick bite. "it'd be nice to be able to settle down with someone even after all the crap we've gone through."

"right…" suguru seems to nod along with you, matching your steps even with his longer stride.

"but—" you stress. "considering that most of us are too traumatized or dead by that time, i don't have much faith."

you laugh at your own statement, but there isn't much amusement in it at all. putting it into words makes you truly realize how shitty your lives are even at such a young age.

your mind drifts to the cerulean eyed sorcerer who's currently off in a different city, being made to fight because he is god on earth in a seventeen year old body. it drifts to a brown haired girl who sits, secluded in a room as bodies are sent to her on a conveyor belt, her hands outstretched to feel blood and gore and horror day in and day out. then it drifts to the boy who is most like you, the one with the dark bangs who rationalizes this pain, this service you have devoted yourselves to with the need to do good for others—because there is no other explanation for why you have to go through this.

the same boy who takes your answer in critically, eyes heavy with an oddly somber sheen. he doesn't say anything, thinking hard, and you focus on eating your churro because you've never once found silence with suguru to be uncomfortable.

you are halfway finished when he breaks it.

"well…" suguru's voice is oddly high, a tick of nerves that doesn't usually infiltrate his calm tone. "if there was room for it, what would a good valentine's day look like for you?"

you laugh, loud and unfiltered, and suguru's skin flushes at the sound.

"i don't know!" your laughter dies down into hushed giggles. "i can't think of anything. besides this is stupid as hell!"

"indulge me," he says quietly, and when you turn to look up at him he's staring at you deeply—eyes hooded and smile gone. you suddenly feel oddly parched as heat crawls up your neck.

"um—" you swallow, the churro in your hand forgotten as you glance at the sidewalk again. "i-i'm not sure. i've really never thought that much about it."

"would you want flowers?" he asks. you suddenly become acutely aware that his voice has gone lower, throaty and deep in a way that sends chills up your spine.

you shake your head quietly, somehow nervous to look at him. "it makes me sad that they die off in a few days. better to keep them planted than cut them for a bouquet."

a quiet huff of laughter—fond and nostalgic. "that's on par for you. very in-character."

you lick your lips, tasting the sugar from the treat in your hand. "i guess…maybe i'd like chocolates?"

"chocolates?" suguru repeats, like he's surprised. you don't know why his reaction has you stumbling, but you shake your head quickly, appalled that you're even telling him this in the first place.

"i mean—it's not a big deal or anything! even just a small box of them would do! i don't really care anyway—"

"i would've guessed you'd like a plushie or something along those lines." he hums, a small smile stretching across his face. there's a dust of color blooming across his cheekbones, and you think he looks unfairly charming.

"that's good too!" you reply, too quickly, before catching yourself and ducking your head. "i mean…i don't know. plushies are really cute. i think they'd be a cute gift."

there's a beat of silence, and when you look up suguru is smiling at you like you've just put the stars in the sky for him. he hums to himself, eyes darting around the streets and looking much more at ease than he did a few minutes prior. you find yourself unable to look away.

"what would you want?" the words escape before you can stop them.

"me?" he asks, tilting his head in mild surprise.

"yeah. what would you want for valentine's day?"

suguru blanches, gaze darting over your facial features with shocking speed. it lingers on your eyes, before flickering downward, then shooting back up. you're trying to trace them but they're too fast, and he shuts them before you can process anything. he keeps his eyes closed as you curiously await his answer.

to this day you don't quite understand what he meant.

"anything i can get," he answers with a rueful smile, shaking his head at you fondly. his eyes bore into yours with an intensity you've never seen before. "anything at all.")

a familiar voice tickles your ear amongst the silence even now, and you rub your palms together. you can feel satoru's gaze on you, trailing over your expression—searching, analyzing.

you let him—used to it.

"that's enough of that for now. plus don't the two of you have to go check on the kids today?" shoko asks, eyeing the two of you pointedly. her voice has a strain to it, one that you can only pick up because you've known her so long. but you're grateful for the change in subject as you glance at satoru, who checks his phone.

"ah shit. they should be back from school by now but we were supposed to pick up some groceries beforehand," he mutters under his breath before looking down at you. "you wanna head over there first and i'll go get some stuff?"

"sure," you reply, patting shoko's shoulder in farewell. satoru steps closer, digging into his pockets before dropping the apartment keys into your palm. he pushes his shades up the bridge of his nose, eyes trailing over your face like he's searching for something, and yet you can't make out what.

a beat of silence.

"d-don't forget to get some of those cookies tsumiki said she liked last time." you drop the keys into your bag and shrug off the odd feeling of this conversation—something strange that you don't feel like looking into because you're scared of what you'll find out about yourself.

satoru's eyes go soft, a mixture of somber and affectionate, and he smiles easily. "you got it." he reaches out to ruffle your hair, licking his lips as he heads for the door. "see you later."

you watch him go, and think that you'd rather have him by your side. but you keep that to yourself—so used to sewing your mouth shut.

("which do you want?" you ask satoru, who peers at the shelves over your shoulder. his close proximity does nothing to you, but he seems oddly giddy when he glances at your side profile.

"hmm, the white chocolate," he answers, low and hushed, like it's meant only for you to hear. you can feel the energy radiating off of him—can feel it shake your very soul.

"okay," you reply, reaching up for the box, but satoru beats you to it. he stretches up, towering over you and you shoot him an playful glare. he had gotten a growth spurt over the holidays and wouldn't let you forget it.

"aw this is so sweet of you," he teases, excited and all too pleased. you roll your eyes, hiding a smile.

"you're the one who's been bugging us for valentine's day chocolate."

"like it wasn't a good idea," he counters with a grin. "even if we're all single we should still get chocolate."

you snort in amusement, before turning to call out across the aisle. "suguru which one should i get you?"

the dark haired male meets your gaze, and the warmth of it sends a tickle through your stomach. he shakes his head with a gentle smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. "don't worry about it. you know i'm not big on sweets anyway."

you deflate—he smiles at you like he's happy you asked.

"you can give me his share," satoru interjects with a playful smirk, pressing his palm into your shoulder. you shake your head in exasperation.

"no way. i'm still going to get him something." your eyes dart across the shelves, before you reach up and pull down a box of unsweetened chocolates, tied with a red ribbon. "this should be good."

satoru eyes the box, and you glance at him. "suguru would like these right?"

"yeah," he shrugs, before crossing his arms. "as long as they aren't crazy sweet. he hates sweet stuff."

"okay good. then i'll get him these!" your smile stretches wide, and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"you're being awfully thoughtful today," satoru comments. you look at him quickly, quirking a brow.

"well i can't just get you one. you're not my only friend." you shoot back.

satoru grins. "guess that's true."

his arm takes its position around your shoulder as you head towards the counter.

"you were really particular about getting suguru something though. any special reason?" he pipes up, and you immediately go still, looking at him as you try to bite back an uncharacteristic surge of panic.

"of course not! i got something for everyone. i even got shoko the rum and raisin chocolates." you say quickly, fighting the urge to crumble under satoru's implications. "besides this was all your idea anyway!"

you dig into your wallet, pulling out exact change and smiling at the cashier, who puts all of your chocolates into a bag. you decide you'll gift them later, when you're in the comfort of the dorm.

"okay let's leave—" you pause when you turn around, breath catching.

because satoru is staring at you, an odd expression on his face. there's something behind his eyes—realization mixed with another emotion you can't quite place.

you're not sure if the expression excites you or scares you.)

you don't expect tsumiki to be so excited when you push open the door. she bounds out of her small bedroom, practically tripping over herself as she chants your name over excited giggles.

"hey kiddo, how was school?" you smile as she throws her arms around your waist. you pat her hair, making a mental note to take her for a haircut sometime soon.

"good! my friends gave me some chocolates today!" she's giddy as she says this, and you smile playfully.

"oh yeah? any boys?"

she immediately flusters at your quirked brow and teasing grin. "of course not!"

you laugh, patting her head again as you take a seat on the couch. "okay okay! where's your brother?"

you don't see the dark haired nine-year-old anywhere. normally he'd be doing his homework at the kitchen table—so much more diligent than you ever were at that age.

"he's in his room," tsumiki answers, and your eyes catch the sneaky bit of amusement in her face.

"doing what?" you ask curiously. she smothers a smile, shrugging.

"i'm not sure." she raises her voice to call out. "megumi! she's here!"

you can hear him grumbling down the hall, hear his little footsteps padding across the floor—affection swells within you.

you think back to the day satoru dragged you to meet him, and you internally remind yourself to thank him.

"hey gumi." you offer the kid a smile, though it falters when you notice the way his hands are hiding behind his back even as he mumbles a quiet greeting in return. "what's wrong?"

"i…" his voice catches, and you notice the heavy pink flush crawling up his neck and into his cheeks. "i just wanted to…"

he trails off again, and tsumiki nudges him discreetly. "just do it!" she whispers, not all that quietly. your eyes dart between them in confusion, and megumi tries to sink into his sweater's collar.

"megumi what's wrong? are you okay?" there's a note of concern you can't keep from your voice, and tsumiki gently pushes him closer to you. "did something happen?"

"no…" he mumbles, attempting to hide his face even more. "i just wanted to…give…"

you blink owlishly. "give…?"

megumi lets out an exasperated huff, brows pinching helplessly before thrusting his arms into your line of sight. "here!"

your lips part. in his little hands are a box of chocolates and a small stuffed bear.

"this is…" you trail off, taking them from his hands.

"he wanted to give you something for valentine's day! to show you how much he appreciates you!" tsumiki interjects, practically bouncing on her feet.

"no i didn't! it's just chocolates stop making it sound like such a big deal!" megumi immediately snaps, glaring at his sister. you can practically see his cheeks burn with embarrassment, and you think you will never stop caring for this kid. there's a tickle of a distant memory—small fists clenched around a backpack and deep green eyes that stare up at you in childish apprehension.

those same green eyes now sneak glances at you, assessing your reaction, and you decide to put him out of his misery.

"this is so sweet megumi. thank you!" you smile at him gratefully, touched beyond recognition. your heart swells with affection once more.

megumi shoves his hands into his pockets, a stubborn pout on his face that makes the fat of his cheeks look that much more endearing. "whatever, it's not a big deal."

tsumiki shoots him a glare, before turning to you with a wide smile. "he says that but he was really excited to get you something!"

megumi gapes at her, eyes going wide in betrayal before they narrow. "shut up! besides it was gojo-san who gave me the idea!"

you blink, before smiling somewhat gingerly. though there is a strange sort of satisfaction in you when you hear those words—the mention of satoru's name. as detached as he tries to remain, you know all too well how much more there is to his character.

"i thought gojo-san would suggest flowers," tsumiki ponders, reaching out to squish the little bear before looking at you curiously. "aren't flowers a typical gift to get someone for valentine's day?"

you shrug, smiling carelessly. "i guess so. but i'm glad he didn't because i don't really like flowe—"

it hits you. echoes of a conversation that occurred many many winters ago. it washes over you, a refreshing tide that cools your skin and tickles your face.

of course, it made sense now that you thought about it. there were no secrets between satoru and suguru after all.

a chime cuts through the silence. you glance down at your phone to see a casual text from the snowy haired wonderboy who has been by your side since the beginning, and you can't help but smile.

i'll be home in a minute :P

a promise that has remained constant all these years.

so you type back.

hurry back. waiting for you.

you smile to yourself, heart thudding heavily against your ribcage. "hm."

tsumiki quirks a brow. "what?"

"nothing," you shake your head, wetting your lips as you reach down to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. she smiles at you, stars in her eyes, and you think you'll remember that smile forever. "i was just thinking."

"about what?" megumi can't stop the curiosity from seeping into his voice as he peers at you. you grin, gently patting his head with the bear plushie and laughing when he swats you away.

"valentine's day," you answer, smiling at them as you stand up to head to the door. you already know who's about to knock. "i was just thinking that it's not too bad of a holiday."

#gojo satoru x reader #geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #stsg x reader #satosugu x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #gojo x reader x geto #jjk angst #jjk fluff #gojou satoru x reader #getou suguru x reader #gojo satoru x you #geto suguru x you #satoru gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen angst #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x you #gojo fluff #geto fluff #gojo angst #geto angst #suguru x reader

[hunnylagoon]

Right Where You Left Me

Pt 2: Jailbird

Ellie Williams x reader

I want to write a poem about you but I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I almost feel ashamed that I want you to fit into a word because we both know that you are beyond anything that can be put on paper.

Premise: You and Ellie were childhood friends before you drifted apart. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find there way back to each other. While you both visit home for winter break, events unfold and it is no longer possible to avoid each other.

Warnings: Angst / homophobia / brief violence / reader has religious issues

Part one here!

Part three here!

Part four here!

I may have been wrong to say that I could never hate Ellie. Fuck she was vicious, in the most passive-aggressive way too. She's so sly about it that I can't even get mad without seeming irrational.

Winter break finally rolled around and I had yet to make any progress with Ellie it was whatever the opposite of progress is. If she wanted to hate me, that was fine, I could do the same, I could be petty. It's now December and all of this bullshit started in September, she could hardly be courteous.

Fuck her.

I had survived mid-terms and finals but the way Ellie was acting had me skipping happily towards the edge. She will wash a whole sink of dishes and leave just my fork, or Venmo request me if I ate one of her grapes. Everything had gotten worse when Dina, Abby, and Cat all left to visit their families for winter break leaving just Ellie and I, without the girls there to hold us to the house rules we were at each other's throats.

She was foaming at the fucking mouth to tear me apart. There was no level-headed Abby or fun-loving Dina, not even Cat who was just mellow. Just me and Ellie verbally abusing each other. "Fuck off, with your wild animal teeth," I spat, slamming the dish cupboard closed with a loud thud.

"Wild animal teeth?" She repeats "Wow, you're getting creative, I'll give you that," Ellie's gaze held a certain bitterness "Heard you were on your knees again last night and I don't mean praying."

My eye almost twitches at her words and it takes everything in me not to throw a ceramic bowl at her. I hated her, I hated her freckled face, and eyes as sharp as knives, just hearing her raspy voice, and seeing her sardonic smile made me want to keel over and let the earth wrap me in her flourishing greenery. I often wanted that to happen. I was trying to refrain from going home as I didn't want to spend the entire break with my family but I was starting to think nothing was better than this, I was set to leave the following day (Christmas Eve) anyway but I was seconds away from grabbing my bag and jumping into my car. "Can you just learn to be fucking civil?"

"Why would-

"Because we were sixteen years old when that stupid shit happened!" I spat "You're holding a grudge from when we were sixteen," I reiterated, searching her features for some sign that I'd gotten through to her.

"It's not like you've changed since any of that happened." She stands, unnervingly calm on the other side of the kitchen island. "You were always awful since we were young, always crying, always emotional, always explosive, my dad said you're like a birch tree, one spark and you burst into flames."

"Fuck off."

"You always had to have the attention," Her eyebrows furrow "Nothing was your fault, blame being fucking erratic and insane on your parents."

"You don't know my parents half as well as you think you do."

"What don't I know about them? They've been in my life as long as you have."

"Ellie, stop," I say, suddenly I'm taken away from the mood to fight, I just want to scream into my pillow.

"What?" She asks "You're going to say some shit like 'they aren't loving'  or 'you wouldn't get it' Please, enlighten me, what wouldn't I get?" She moves closer just an inch or so "Wow, your life sounds so hard, you have two parents who love each other and a huge fucking house, oh shit," Sarcasm drips from her tone "Maybe it's that trust fund that's taking a toll on you."

"Please, stop."

"You could commit every crime known to man and you would still be their pride and joy, there is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you-

"Here we go with your 'life is so fucking hard and I'm edgy and indie and I have a sad backstory that I'll bring up every second sentence even though I was seven when it happened' " I mock her.

She bites the inside of her cheek and I can tell that I've struck a nerve "You know when my lease-

"Don't even worry about it," I move out from the kitchen and begin towards my room, Ellie's eyes are trailing me "The minute my lease is up, I'm packing my shit and moving into student housing so I won't have to look at your fucking face while I'm eating!" I slam my bedroom door behind me.

I left that night, I couldn't bear the sound of her guitar strums, so repetitive it made me want to slam my head through the drywall.

You better believe that I cried my entire way home while blasting Julien Baker. My mother was pleasantly surprised to see me at her doorstep a day early, I knew Ellie would be coming down sometime tomorrow to spend the Holidays with her family, I didn't know when, I just knew that I didn't want to see her.

I never even told my parents that Ellie was my roommate and they hadn't heard it from Joel as they drifted when Ellie and I were fifteen.

My bedroom was exactly how I left, I cuddled into my twin bed that night sinking into the absolute silence of the the snowfall, with my dog Dusty curled at my side. I always loved the snow, the way it acted as soundproofing for the earth, when I was little I would just sit in the backyard so I could hear the birds sing in their purest and truest form.

Christmas Eve was dull to begin with, to say the least; my mom made Christmas tree-shaped waffles as she did every year, I was then dragged to an excruciatingly long church sermon. When we returned home I was sent to shovel the driveway, turns out visiting home from college doesn't excuse you from chores. I knew Ellie had arrived when I saw her grey sedan in Joel's driveway as well as Tommy's Range Rover. Bundled up in mittens and a hand-knitted scarf that Naomi gave to me I felt really tough giving the middle finger to Ellie wherever she was in Joel's house.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Elijah was cackling in the doorway. Dusty I happily bounding through the snow, paying to mind to my brother.

I immediately dropped my arm, trying to play nonchalantly "Uh, shoveling the driveway?"

His laughter only grew "You look so stupid," He huffed between cackles "You're standing in a foot of snow in the driveway giving Mr. Miller's house the middle finger in your cute little mitts."

"Say that louder, no one could hear you," I say, sarcastically.

"Hear ye, hear ye-

My eyes go wide and I drop the shovel to form a snowball and deck it at my brother "Shut up!"

"Ow!" He flinches, and his track and field hoodie from high school is now covered in powdered sleet. "Whatever," He yanks his hoodie off to shake the snow off of it "Just finish the driveway so we can watch a movie or something, I haven't seen you in months, Naomi and Aaron haven't shut up about you all holiday break."

I give him a mitted thumbs up before I try to speed run the shovelling, albeit slipping on black ice more than a few times. When I came back inside, I needed to change, my parka was dripping with snow that had melted into water.

I bundle up into sweatpants and an old soccer t-shirt. Being in my old room digs up memories pinned on my wall with bright thumbtacks year after year of photos of my soccer team, in every single one Ellie and I have our arms slung over each other. We're smiling wide and not focusing on the camera but on one another. I tear the picture away from the thumbtacks and throw them into a random shoe box that sits at the bottom of my closet. After that, I take down every artifact I have of Ellie, the drawings she made me, drafts of songs we wrote together, and t-shirts she left in my drawers, I throw it all into a Rubbermaid storage bin.

Though I leave the little wood carvings that Joel made for me alone.

My family's famous Christmas Eve dinner rolled around and I couldn't believe how excited I was, I'm not the best cook and despite me and my mother going through spats every other day, she was one hell of a good chef and I had spent months craving her honey roasted carrots and creamy mashed potatoes.

Please don't judge me when I say this, but we are the family that dresses up for dinners at home. Nothing black tie, just something a little dapper, one time I wore jeans to our family dinner and I was grounded for a week.

I finished zipping up my white sundress and I let my little sister tie a matching bow into my hair, when she saw what I was wearing she changed into her white dress which was ankle length while mine fell right above my knees.

"Oh, my sweet girls are matching again," My mom fawns over us "Let me get a picture of this cute little moment," I smile for the picture, and Naomi does the same, hooking an arm around my midriff. "Adorable," Mom looks at the picture before tucking her phone into her pocket "Now girls, please set the table."

Even though I hadn't been at home for months, setting the table was like muscle memory to me, Naomi put the placemats down, and then I did the dinner plate and salad plate, Naomi would place the napkins and cutlery then I would set glasses and pour everyone water from the pitcher. By the time we finished setting the table everyone aside from my mother and Elijah were at the table, early awaiting what was sure to be a filling dinner.

Slowly but surely my mom brought the dishes with Elijah, placing them all through the center of the dining table. After everything was placed my father, who sits at the head of the table cleared his throat, that was his signal for everyone to join hands. "Dear God, We gather today with grateful hearts to thank you for this food before us. We appreciate the effort and resources that have provided us with this nourishment. May this meal sustain our bodies and remind us of the many blessings in our lives. We are thankful for the love of family and friends who surround us and for the abundance we enjoy. Bless this food, our time together, and those who prepared it. May it strengthen us physically and spiritually. This is your body, this is your love. We thank you for feeding us with your gracious hands. In Jesus' name, we give thanks and pray. Amen."

"Amen," My family repeats before we all ravishingly fill our plates with chicken, maple-roasted mushrooms, buttered green beans, bread rolls, and mashed potatoes. I was eating so fast, I was shocked that I didn't spill anything on myself.

"So, have you met any cute boys at college?" My mother asks me, she is the only one eating politely "I'm sure you could get a real smart guy with those looks of yours."

My father nods "Just make sure he's Christian."

"Or catholic," My mother adds.

I laugh awkwardly in response, I take a sip of my water, the condensation making it slippery in my hands. Elijah gives me an odd look that goes unnoticed by my parents.

"I think we should drop off some bread or cookies or something to the Miller's, just something to say hi while Tommy and Maria are still there." My mom tells us, she isn't speaking to anyone in particular.

"Is Ellie there right now?" Aaron asks.

Elijah shrugs "Probably, her car is in the driveway."

Now Naomi is looking at me "We should invite her over for New Year's or something if she's staying for the rest of break."

My dad shakes his head "I don't know if that's a good idea," All eyes fall on him "It's just- I think she's a bit of a bad influence." He takes a swig of his wine and attempts to suppress a burp but fails. I press my lips into a thin line and look down at my plate to hold in my laughter, Elijah does the same beside me.

"I don't remember Ellie being a bad influence," Aaaron furrows his eyebrows, racking his brain to think of a time that she had done their family wrong.

"It's just that there were rumours of her having-" My father searches for the words "Unnatural tendencies I suppose, and I tried to talk to Joel about it but he got defensive and said that she didn't need fixing, that's how I lost my best fishing buddy."

My mom looks at the discomfort on all of her children's faces "I mean, we all need a bit of fixing."

Dad is quick to catch on "Oh, yeah, of course, I mean it's not just Ellie," He fumbles over his words "And it's not her fault that she's that way, I think It's because she lost her mother when she was young so she got confused about the parental roles, Joel never remarried and he didn't date around much so Ellie didn't have a proper mother figure, it's not her fault she's a dyke and there's still time to fix it if she wants to choose the right path."

Stillness falls over the table, I had never heard silence quite this loud. Even my mother is at a loss for words. All of my siblings are darting our eyes at one another, we don't utter a single word but we understand each other clearly 'Dad actually said it'.

He noticed this and tried to backtrack on his words "I'm not a bad guy, I mean we've all read the bible cover to cover, we know it's a sin. I'll wrap this up, you all know that we love you no matter what and all I'm saying is I'm glad we could distance ourselves away from it."

"Hey Dad, did you watch the Canucks game last week?" Elijah swoops in to change the topic. It's too late, a wave of sickness has already overtaken me.

While my family discusses nothing in particular, trying to ignore what Dad said, I am sick to my stomach, I push my plate away and prop my elbow the the table for my hand to support my head. I am nearly shaking. My dull eyes peer across the table and meet my father's drowsy gaze.

"Honey, are you feeling alright?" My mom pauses whatever conversation she is enwrapped in.

I don't respond, I don't know how.

My family's eyes find a resting place on my figure. Mom pushes herself away from her chair and walks over to me, she places one hand between my shoulder blades, the other takes my cold hand and she slowly rubs a circle on my back to comfort me. "Sweetness, whatever is repressed inside, say it, let it out, we're all family."

Naomi nods in agreement, her wide eyes full of concern. "I don't know how to say it," I tell them.

"Air it out," My dad says, finishing off his glass of wine and pouring himself another "Today is the perfect day, tomorrow is the birth of Jesus, a fresh start."

My heart is racing faster than it ever has before, faster than when I broke my wrist in Ellie's backyard or when I had been on a rollercoaster for the first time. "I like girls," I say, my voice is quiet, and my three words take my family with silence. My mother freezes and takes a step back, her comforting hands leaving me.

"You're joking," My dad scoffs "Tell me this is a joke and you're normal."

"I can't," My voice cracks and I can already tell that the tears are oncoming. I think briefly back to Ellie's words 'There is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you' if only she could see what was about to happen.

"All of those sleepovers with Ellie?" He is disgusted, his face contorting with horror "Were you dating her?"

"no-

"How can I believe anything you say, you lied to us for nineteen years when you knew you were sick."

"Dad, I'm not sick-

"How many sinful acts have you done under this roof?"

"None, I swear," I shake my head, it took less than a minute for me to be filled with regret at my words. I shouldn't have even come home for the holidays, actually, I never should've found Dina's listing and jumped at the deal.

"Get out," Any light tone in my dad's voice is gone, replaced by pure resentment.

"What?"

"You heard me, get out."

"Dad, it's Christmas Eve-

"Get out!" His voice rumbles through the dining room like thunder "I thought we fixed this phase when we sent you to boarding school."

"Please, dad-

"Get up and get out or I'm going to make you,"

"Fine- make me," Tears prick in my eyes but I cross my arms trying to muster up that false coolness Ellie is so good at feigning.

My dad slams his glass down so hard that it shakes the table, and the partially empty wine bottle my parents had been nursing all night is knocked over by the abruption, tipping over the deep red liquor to travel down the tablecloth and drip onto what was once my pure white dress. "Get up!" He grabs a fistful of my hair and I scream from the shock of pain. He yanks me off my chair and my face slams against the hardwood when his arm slumps, impact heavy from the sudden drop, it doesn't take long for my nose to start bleeding. He drags me to the door pushing it open; my siblings don't do anything they're petrified in horror and my mother begins to cry, covering her eyes from the scene before her.

My dad doesn't stop at the door, I thrash on the ground and he pulls me over both of my hands trying to pry his away from the roots of my hair, he drags me into the snow, finally releasing me. I shake as my hand gently finds the way to my burning scalp where I fully believe he has pulled out clumps of my hair with his harsh and unforgiving grasp.

From the doorway the rest of my family watches, Naomi has a hand covering her mouth her doe eyes brimming with tears of her own. My father disappeared into the house, it didn't take long to see what he was doing he slammed the window to make the bedroom open and began to throw all of my belongings out of the window. My pictures, my old soccer uniform, armfuls of clothes from my old beaten dresser, candles, books, paints, and shredded posters were torn straight off my wall.

"Dad, stop, I'm sorry, I'll get better!" I am on my knees, hands clasped together pleading with him. My skin is burning from the contact with the snow, I know that it must be a horrific sight to behold. White sundress, stained with wine, tangled hair, red-tinged skin, puffy eyes and incoherent sobs.

The snow makes everything so quiet the only sound travelling through the night are my sobs. I can no longer see my father in my bedroom, he is coming back down and somehow that is worse, he pushes past my family and throws the presents I was supposed to receive on Christmas morning beside me, I flinch at the movement.

"I'm sorry!" I plead like I'm bargaining with the Grimm Reaper for my life "Give me a job and I'll do it, just tell me what to do to get better!" The screaming carries through the night, alerting the neighbours in what was supposed to be a calm and quiet neighbourhood. Across the street, Joel turns on his porch light, squinting his eyes at the scene on the opposing lawn and trying to make sense of it. "I want to get better!" I shake with every sob. I could hear my dogs barking from the loud noises.

My dad shakes his head "You're too far gone, I didn't raise a fucking dyke," He is almost crying himself, he doesn't mourn for the daughter that he has but the daughter that could've been. The daughter who donned white every Sunday for church and settled down with a nice family man, a daughter who was holy but in this moment I am the purest form of holiness, born again from the violence of my father.

"Dad, I was created in God's image, why would he create his child to be this way if it was so wrong?"

"You're a fucking mistake is what you are," He seethes "Get off my property or I'm calling the cops."

"You still have my bags!" I scream and I watch him retreat to get them "Are you going to do anything at all?" I search my family for any sign of life but they all avert their eyes from mine. My father comes back out, and he throws my purse and suitcase on the lawn, this time both of them hit me, talking about kicking someone when they're down.

My dad begins to usher the family inside "I never want to see you again, get your ass up and start working, I'm not paying for you to fuck around with women instead of getting an education."

"That's it?" I cry "You won't come to my wedding or meet my kids? What about my funeral?"

"Not as long as you're with a woman." With that, he slams the door behind him and locks it. I let out another guttural sob, I've already cried so much that it's beginning to hurt within my stomach. I take a deep and shaky breath in, wiping the tears away from my eyes with my freezing hands, I'm sure to catch hypothermia if I don't warm up. I look up to see my neighbours all around either watching from their window or in the Miller family's case, the front porch. I'm sure that someone has already called the police.

"Let me in, I'm sorry!" I scramble off the ground and begin to bang on the door. Shaking the handle "Let me in!" This goes on for longer than I would've liked, I hammer on the door and scream as loud as I can but they all ignore me. Eventually, I stand by the window and slam my hands on it "Let me in or give me my fucking dog, you can't take care of him!"

I knew I was fucked when I heard sirens. It only made sense for the neighbours to call the cops at this disturbance.

I'm going to do you all a favour and tell you some useful information; when the police arrive and you don't wanna seem guilty, don't try to drive away from the scene because you might just end up getting handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police car for your childhood bestfriends family to watch from their front row seats.

"Prison life isn't for me," I wallow as I press myself against the bars of the holding cell. There are two other women in the cell with me and they both snigger. One of their names is Lucia, and she has bronze skin and brown hair so dark that it almost looks black with gold hoop earrings the size of my head, I don't know the other woman's name but she looks significantly older and has stringy blonde hair, the wrinkles of her face drooping.

"Honey, this isn't prison, you'll live another hour," Lucia sits on the uncomfortable bench, her arms crossed, she's kind of hot to be blunt.

"You reek of liquor though," Blondie cackles and I catch a glimpse of her rotting yellow teeth, what's the opposite of pearly whites? Golden nuggets? Something like that.

"Because I got wine spilled on me," I retort. I had been crying before they even placed me in the cell, wailing so loud that I was annoying the officers. I was so upset and starved for affection that I hugged the officer who detained me, babbling incoherently about how my life was ruined, I don’t even blame them for arresting me, I looked like a crackhead trying to break into a nice suburban home. “I'm not drunk."

"Could've fooled me," Lucia smirks, she's wearing a black tank top and skinny jeans. I wasn't a fan of skinny jeans but she was converting me.

I fell asleep hugging myself on one of the uncomfortable metal benches with chipped blue paint, when I woke up, it was Christmas, even though it didn't feel like it. I saw the snowfall outside of the windows on the other side of the cells. Lucia had told me just before she was released that they had the right to hold you longer over holidays, I wanted to weep all over again.

Blondie got removed from the cell too and I was all alone. The only thing that kept me sane was pretending I was Katniss or Lucy Gray, if they had survived the Hunger Games, I could survive this. I genuinely thought my life was over and I was getting sent to prison for hammering on my dad's door and screaming.

With each hour that ticked by, my profound sense of loneliness only grew. The sounds of distant laughter flitted through the hall and I am reminded of the world that lies beyond the metal bars. I wonder what my family is doing at this moment, every voice that I hear acts as a reminder of the love I had jeopardized. I lost Ellie, I lost Conner, and now I had lost my family.

I think about praying to god for a moment though I discard the thought. If he was real why did he let that happen to me? Maybe forgiveness and redemption were not necessary.

"Crybaby, call someone to pick you up," Officer Reid who initially arrested me and interrogated me began to unlock the cell, "Charges are dismissed." He had been calling me Crybaby since I was stuffed in the back of the police car and wailing uncontrollably.

"Like for real?"

He was in fact, for real. I was brought to a landline phone and my hands acted faster than my head, dialling the number of someone I would trust with my life, I just prayed that the number hadn't changed.

After making my call I was told to go to a weird booth thing to collect my effects, where an old and very judgmental woman dumped my few belongings out of an envelope. I wish I knew the technical names for this stuff but it's not like I've been arrested before this one off occasion. She looked at each of the items, stating what it was while she took inventory of it. "Smartphone, lipgloss, a single gold earring, and a cross necklace," She marks something down and then turns the paper around and holds out a blue pen for me to take "Sign here."

My phone had died already, I was missing an earring, and the cross had failed me, all I had left to rely on was my cover girl lipgloss. I sat in that stark grey room for what seemed like hours, everyone seemed miserable as I am, at least I wasn't the only person having a not-so-merry Christmas.

Holy shit, I was still disgusting. I was sticky and freezing, still in the wine-ruined white dress, there was still dried blood on my face despite my pestering Lucia to help me get it off. My hair is tangled, the bow that my sister had tied in lost somewhere in the snow. I haven't looked in a mirror but I know I look rough from the side glances that everyone is casting me. I can't imagine the dark bags beneath my red, puffy eyes to be any sort of appealing.

The sterile waiting room is beginning to get on my nerves, I flinch at every movement and hold onto hope that every person walking through the door is the person I'm waiting on. I try my best to avert my eyes from the clock so time doesn't drag on any longer than it already is.

By the time Joel gets here, the sun is beginning to set, his eyes frantically search the room until they land on me, I'm already standing up and walking toward him. "Kiddo, are you okay?"

My lip quivers and it feels like every awful thing I've ever felt is going to seep through my teeth. My head falls onto his chest but this time I don't cry, I think I've run out of tears "I have nothing ahead of me."

Joel doesn't ask questions, he just hugs me in return, resting his chin on the top of my head, there is the comfort I had been so desperately searching for.

He signs release papers and he guides me to his red Ford Explorer. When I called him I asked him to bring me shoes as I was barefoot when I was detained, being the number one dad that he was, he brought a reusable grocery store tote bag, containing a hoodie, sneakers, fuzzy socks, sweatpants and a bag of my favourite chips. I slip the sweats on underneath my dress while the hoodie goes overtop, I awkwardly unzip it and shimmy it off, stuffing it into the tote bag.

The drive back to his house begins and he turns on the radio, trying to make lighthearted chatter "Thanks for coming to get me," I say, my voice is quiet and I pull my knees to my chest like as I tend to do when I get nervous "You can just drop me off at my car and I'll be out of your way."

"Sorry, kiddo," He says, eyes focused on the road "You're staying with me tonight, I don't want you driving these roads in the dark and it'll be good for you to have a hot shower and a warm meal, get some sleep somewhere that's not a holding cell."

"It's just that-

"If you still want to leave in the morning that's up to you but you shouldn't end your Christmas alone," Each word seems so genuine "And you know I would gladly have you stay with me three hundred and sixty-five days a year."

I look at him, a soft melancholic smile on my face, "Thank you," I say.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

A sigh falls from my lips "What happened to all of my stuff that was left on the lawn?"

"Tommy and Ellie brought it all inside."

Ellie brought it back inside? Did she actually give a shit or was this something her dad ordered her to do? "Did my dad say anything to you?"

Joel shakes his head "Maria went barging on his door, those two were in a screaming match for a good two minutes before he locked the door on her. Hasn't been outside since, everyone in the neighbourhood has been coming by to ask what happened."

"Even Sharron?" I ask Joel, wrinkling my nose in distaste.

"Even Sharron," He solidifies. Sharron was the grouchy crone of the street, shutting down every party, cussing out teenagers from her porch, and yelling at barking dogs "She said she was worried about you." The windshield wipers painted rhythmic patterns across the glass, clearing a path through the soft snow that continued to fall.

"She's not worried about me, she's worried I'm on drugs and I'll break into her musty home to steal all of her hummels."

Joel huffs a laugh "I can't believe that I used to let her babysit you and Ellie."

"Me neither, you should be paying for my therapy." I tease.

He chuckles at my words, "So you're majoring in wildlife biology?"

"You remembered what I wanted to major in?"

"Of course I did."

"Hey, Mookie!" Tommy wraps his arms around me the moment I set foot in the door. He's called me Mookie since I was a little girl, it started when I couldn't pronounce monkey and thus Mookie was born. "Let me get a good look at you," He pushes me back just the slightest hands clasped on my shoulders "Look at that bruise you've got on your cheek, looking awful tough, like those greasers you used to read about."

"Look at that, Mookie grew up," Maria greets me with a warm smile, pushing Tommy away to hug me "Good to see you made it through prison alive," She jests.

Joel's house is exactly how it was when I left.

The air carried the familiar scent of firewood and lavender incense. In the living room, an inviting fireplace stood as the heart of the home. Its gentle crackle and the dancing flames provided a soothing backdrop to the overstuffed couches adorned with cozy blankets and throw pillows, worn from years of shared family movie nights. A well-loved rug covered the wooden floor, its pattern a mosaic of memories and spills easily forgiven and of course, a coffee table hand-crafted by Joel and intricately carved.

The shelves lining the walls were a treasure trove of family history. Photographs in mismatched frames captured smiling faces frozen in time, chronicling the evolution of Ellie through the years. A collection of well-read books, their spines creased and pages worn, stood proudly, offering a glimpse into the literary adventures that had unfolded within those walls.

The kitchen, the heart of many childhood homes, held the lingering aroma of Christmas dinner. The countertops, scarred from countless meals prepared and shared, were a testament to the love that had gone into creating family dinners. A worn wooden table in the center of the room bore witness to the countless conversations, celebrations, and moments of solace shared over shared meals.

"You know what, when I was around your age, I spent my fair share of time in the cooler, good to see you're taking after me," Tommy winks and gives me a hard pat on the back. Neither of them acknowledges the reason behind last night's events and somehow it feels worse than talking about it.

"We've just finished up making dinner, I'm sure you're hungry," Maria smiles softly, taking my hand into her calloused one.

"Yeah, I'm starving," I smile in return and trail behind the blonde woman to the dining table.

All of the plates are laid out with portions of food on each one, Ellie is sitting alone, spooning mashed potato into her mouth while she texts someone, she glances up at me and offers nothing more than a tight-lipped smile and awkward wave before going back to her phone. Tommy comes by with a tray of garlic butter rolls and uses tongs to add more onto my plate "Don't think I've forgotten how much you love these."

I grin up at him, I'm sitting in the same chair I sat in all those years ago when I Ellie and I would settle down after spending all day in the sun, Joel would ask us what we wanted for dinner and almost every time we would shout hotdogs.

"Good to have you back," Joel nods to me "House always felt a little empty without you."

I always felt a little empty without this house "Good to be back," I smear some mashed potato onto Tommy's famous garlic butter bread rolls.

I feel almost sick with nostalgia as I look around the dining room, Joel still had Ellie's crafts from elementary school hung up and if you look closely, you find little clues that I've left behind; proof that I once existed as a girl beneath this roof. There's a dent in the wall from the time I stood on my chair to catch a spider and accidentally fell over, my head hitting right into the wall, Ellie was laughing too hard to help me.

"So what school do you go to?" Maria asks me, washing down her pot roast with some ice water.

"Northridge actually," At my words, Ellie's head perks up, she's looking dead at me with a look of fear in her eyes.

"Oh, Ellie goes there!" Tommy smiles "She never mentioned that you do too."

Ellie is silently pleading with me, I know she doesn't want me to tell her family that she's been borderline tormenting me as my roommate and sending me to bed with tears in my eyes. I didn't plan on telling them anyway "That's funny, I guess we just keep missing each other."

Joel set up an air mattress in Ellie's room, that's when it became clear to me that he had no idea just how bad the fallout was between us. I hate to say that I missed her room and all of the memories we shared in it.

Ellie's bedroom resembled something of a teen guy who'd never gotten laid before. She had a navy comforter, her shelves were lined with comics and novels, I know for a fact that she'd read every single one of them. Her desk was always a mess, covered in pages of poetry and sketches that she had torn out from her journal. Almost every inch of her walls is covered in posters of bands, movies and her nerdy video games.

I was fresh out of the shower, finally in my clean clothes that I had dug out of my suitcase. I got to charge my phone too, there was an overwhelming number of messages.

D-Manz: HAPPY CHRISTMAS BITCH!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO PARTY WHEN WE GET BACK

Jesse: Merry Christmas, hope your day isn’t shit! 😁😁😁

Riley: Merry Christmas! Hope you're having fun at your new school!

Abs: Merry Christmas and stay safe!

Kayla: Missing you girl ☹️ so excited for that staff party!

Kit-Cat: Merry Christmas, don't have too much fun without me

Yara: Merry Christmas ❤️ this probably isn't the time but I was hoping you could send over your notes from the last conservation lecture, just wanna text you before I forget!

566-460-4374: I got your number from Kyle, this is Roderick, I saw you last night and wanted to check up on you, hope everything is okay and merry Christmas.

Lindsey: Hey, haven't talked to you in a while but my parents said some stuff went down, just wanna make sure you're okay.

Ellie: Lmk if you need a ride back to our place

Ellie: Don't know if you can even see this but I got all of your stuff off the lawn, I promise it's safe 👍

Naomi: I'm so sorry

Naomi: I didn't think that would happen

Naomi: I didn't know what to do

Naomi: I love you

Aaron: U good?

Naomi: Please don't hate me, I'm sorry I didn't do anything

Elijah: Sorry but I wish you didn't tell Dad that

Naomi: I'll try to talk to Dad

Elijah: Hope you're safe

Elijah: Call me when you can

Still, there wasn't any word from either of my parents. I replied returning well wishes and assuring everyone that I was okay, I turned my phone onto Do Not Disturb and began to watch the Hunger Games on my phone. The room would've been pitch black if it wasn't for the blue light from my screen and the gentle beams of moonlight gliding through the window.

Ellie walks into the room after she finishes with her shower, she's in sweatpants and an old hoodie that she got from a rodeo, I had the same one, and we bought them together. I glance up at her before looking back at my movie and pulling the quilt further up my body. "You still like the Hunger Games?"

"Yeah," I say, being as brief as possible.

"You should take my bed and I'll sleep on the air mattress," Ellie says while she ties her hair into a low ponytail.

"I'm fine here, thanks."

"Seriously," Ellie is standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed, waiting for me to do something.

I shut my phone off and turned on my other side to face away from her "Just go to bed."

Ellie runs her hands down her face in frustration, she's starting to feel like an asshole "Please take the bed, it's the least I can do." I ignore her so she speaks again "I am begging you," She tells me bluntly "I feel like a dick and it would make me feel better if you just took the bed."

"You are a dick," I answer, she should've seen this response coming from a mile away.

"Please take the bed."

I sit up to look at her, frustration now boiling up inside of me "You're going to be nice now because you feel bad for me?"

"That's not why-

"It is actually," I tell her "This will last for a few days and then we'll go home and you'll be a cunt all over again, fucking keeping a list of everything I lay a finger on so you can say it's my fault if it breaks." She bites the inside of her cheek, that's her tell. Every time she does that I can tell that I've gotten under her skin. "You'll still act like you don't know me and I'm just some weird girl who thinks the world of you, I know what you say to those girls you have over, the walls aren't that thick." My insides ache from all of the screaming and crying of the past couple of days "And I know that I hurt you and I've told you a million times over that I'm sorry, you don't get to start having empathy for me now."

Ellie's silent again, she can't seem to find the words, so instead she slips under the covers of her bed, giving up. Minutes pass us, we've slept in this room together a thousand times but this time it's different, we don't share her queen bed and stay up all night watching the walking dead and talking shit about people at our school, we lay in the uncomfortable silence. We're grown but in this moment I still feel like a child searching for her mother's hand to guide her, I feel like my teeth still need to fall out so brighter, stronger ones can take their place, that the baby fat has yet to shed from my bones.

"I didn't know that you liked girls," Ellie said, breaking the silence "And I shouldn't have assumed that stuff about your parents." I don't respond to her, though she knows that I heard her. "I lied that night when you moved in."

"What?"

"I got all bitchy and said that you don't even cross my mind, I was lying," She's confessing to me as if I'm a priest "There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you."

I'm not doing well.

I want nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Ellie and just hug her until I fall asleep but the resentment I've garnered for her these past months refrains me.

"I don't know if you ever knew this, but back in high school I had a bit of a crush on you," She says and my break hitches in my throat "Hey, you there?"

'I don't know if you ever knew this but I turned myself inside out trying not to be in love with you.' I don't say that, instead, I say "Goodnight, Ellie, Merry Christmas."

"Goodnight," She mutters, and like me, she turns her body to face away from me.

I don't feel mature in the slightest, I'm kept awake, haunted by shame and embarrassment. Ellie had seen me only one night prior, on my knees begging for love. We may be cold and calculated to one another now but I remember when she was a little girl who overwatered her plants because she didn't know how to stop giving.

TAG LIST I just tagged whoever wanted a part two: @elliesaesp @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @elliesaturnsoftdrink @mikellie @melanie-watermelon @skylerwhitwyo

#ellie williams #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x you #the last of us #the last of us ellie #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader #abby anderson #tlou #ellie williams x reader fluff #ellie williams angst #ellie williams au #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie tlou #joel and ellie #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #joel miller #ellie williams x reader angst #angst #childhood best friends to lovers #childhood friends

[wingedjellyfishflight]

A Forgotten Birthday

"How old is y/n then?" The new recruit is always trying to flirt with Soap by asking him gossip and facts about the team.

"Twenty-six." He answers her so easily. It feels like a stab to your heart all over again.

"Twenty-seven." You correct, voice conspicuously devoid of emotion.

"No, your birthday isn't until May, and it's..." His face pales. He whips around to look at you. "We missed it. How did we miss it?" You shrug, not meeting his eyes.

"Some things just aren't important." Your food tastes like sawdust. You give up trying to eat and toss it in the trash on the way out. Maybe hitting the gym will help. No, you know he's going to tell everyone, and you don't want to deal with their pity-filled stares and questions about making it up to you now that they've finally remembered.

Running the trail system near the base is a favorite of yours normally. Today, it isn't relaxing, but anger-inducing. You were on a mission in a forest just like this across the world for your birthday. It was almost two weeks after the day that you got back, and you eagerly waited for the surprise party that Soap, Gaz, and Price always set up for each person's birthday, but... nothing. After three weeks, you gave up all hope for one and steeled yourself to give nothing away. Can't let them see you hurt over a stupid birthday. Can't make the team lose focus or lose your own. You're an adult, after all.

Zoned out, you don't realize how far you have run until it's nearly too dark to see the path. Sitting on a stump, you give in and have a cry about the whole thing. Self-pity taking you over for just a few minutes. Wiping your eyes, you startle when a hand touches your back. You leap up and move to a defensive crouch only to see Ghost's balaclava looming out of the darkness at you.

"Luv, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing. Just, I don't know. Needed a cry, I guess. Didn't think anyone would see me."

"You certainly didn't see anyone. I've been running behind you for nearly five minutes. I could have been anyone. You need to be more aware of things." Your hurt and confusion turns to anger at the lecture he is spouting off.

"Ya, I guess I do need to be more aware. Clearly, I am the problem." You stomp away from him, starting back to base, muttering to yourself about transfers to other teams who might care more. Ghost wraps his hand around your arm and pulls you to a stop.

"What, I make one comment, and you're just going to quit on us? What is actually going on, pet? Someone piss you off or something? Do I need to knock teeth out?"

"I... everyone forgot," you mumble. Ghost glances around to ensure you're alone and tugs you against his chest, rubbing your back. "I was in the shit and when I got back, nobody remembered my birthday." He freezes, hands cradling you.

"They forgot? How could they forget? Your birthday is always at the beginning of the mission season. I thought you guys had it when I was down range. I was gutted to have missed it. Sent you flowers as a sorry." His grip tightens to an almost painful level, and you grip back, remembering the beautiful bouquet that had been left for you without a note. "We will just have to make Soap and Captain pay for forgetting then." You glance up and see his eyes glimmering at you in the moonlight.

"We should probably find our way home first."

"Home, that sounds good." His phone suddenly goes off, making you jump. "Group text. 'SOS emergency meeting. Do not tell y/n.' They ain't even tryin' to be subtle at this point." He guides the two of you down the path, walking quick and assured. Within minutes, he is getting an avalanche of phone calls and texts to the point that he is tempted to throw it into the woods around you, but you turn it off and slip it into his pocket for him.

"Last time you threw one and broke it, Captain said he would glue the new one to your hand, and I'm pretty sure he was serious." Ghost ruffles your hair.

"That was a private meeting, Luv. How did you hear him say that?"

You scoff. "You'd be lucky if the entire fuckin' base didn't hear him tell you that with how loud he was shouting." He just chuckles and guides you both home. He drops you off at the women's barracks and storms into the team meeting, slamming the door into the wall.

"Finally you show up! We forgot y/n's birthday and we are planning a party to make up for it."

"No. You are not."

"What?! We can't just ignore it. We forgot! It's been months!"

"You're not going to force her to accept a pity party to make you feel better about what you did."

"Ghost, I know you hate parties, but she still deserves to know we care."

"So, show her. Before she makes good on transferring out. But no party. I will handle her party from now on since you fucks can't be trusted to remember." He walks out without another word, the room behind him in chaos.

"Why is he acting like he didn't forget, too?" Gaz asks incredulously.

"Because the bawbag didn't. He sent the mystery flowers that made her cry. It was right after he got back from down range. Can't believe I didn't catch it earlier."

Price stubs out his cigar. "So, no party. And she is thinking about leaving. We really cocked this one up, boys." He stands and walks to the door, pausing on the threshold. "No flowers, no gifts. Make it up to her. And Soap," he turns to look the Scottish man in the eye, "sleep with one eye open. Ghost is absolutely going to make us pay for making her cry." He walks away, no pep in his step, now.

"Cry? How does he know she cried?" Gaz seems baffled by the Captain's surety.

"Course she cried. Everyone does when they are forgotten or abandoned."

"Ghost doesn't, though. We never celebrate his birthday."

"We being the key there, mate. Remember last month when she shoved a new set of gloves and a mask at him? Told him the ones he was wearing were manky as fuck. That was his birthday gift." He runs a hand through his hair. "Anyway, I'm off. Need t'think about how I'm gonna beg forgiveness from both of 'em."

#ghost cod #call of duty #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #captain john price

[abductedlawnchair]

*ranting and raving and stomping on rooftops and flailing my arms about* HUMANS ARE AMIMALS!!! WE ARE ANIMALS!!! QUIT ACTING LIKE WE'RE NOT!!!

I am so goddamn tired of society acting like we're not!!! I am so goddamn tired of us as a society acting like we are above all the other animals!!! I do not care that we are the apex!!! We are fucking ANIMALS!!! Like, just take a step back and observe us like we have our own nature documentary on Nat Geo or something. Maybe with David Attenborough or whatever, idc. Just imagine it.

We are a species of apes that just so happened to gain the ability of extremely complex and abstract thought, capability of language, an almost absurd level of self-awareness, and the type of intelligence that allowed us to discover, invent, and develop tools. A species of apes that just so happen to have such a crazy level of curiosity that we have the capability to learn about the world around us, and beyond.

The way we learn and develop is fascinating. If you observe a toddler from that standpoint, watching them interact with the world around them, you'd see how natural curiosity is to us, in our human nature. Neil deGrasse Tyson has literally said that children are beings of chaos because they're curious and learning about the world around them.

We all have children in us, just like we have our ancestors in us!!! Our brains are wired like theirs. Relatively, we have been in this state of society for an extremely short amount of time!! Our brains and nervous systems are still wired to survive and keep us safe from predators and other dangers!!

We are social creatures!! We need love and connection to survive!! We can't do things on our own. The only reason we ever got to where we are is because we work together and communicate and share knowledge. The way society is right now is too isolating!! Humans aren't meant to be fighting for a place in society!! Haven't you seen zookeepers?? Or anyone who cares for nature in any capacity?? We have an incredible capacity for compassion and caretaking, because we have the capability to know and understand the inner workings of ourselves and countless other species!! Caretaking and compassion is literally an innate human trait!! We're supposed to take care of each other and the world around us!! We literally are capable of pack bonding with ROOMBAS, for fucks sake!! Little robots that our ape brains see moving around on its own, being part of our homes, and thinks "little guy is alive... I love him"!!! Isn't that beautiful???

We were an evolution of Mother Earth, Herself, to grow Her and expand Her and care for Her!!! Whether you believe in intelligent design or just the absurdity of it all, it still happened like that. We have the capacity to care for Her in an evolved level, yet we're fucking it up so badly right now.

Indigenous cultures have always been on the right track. They've always been right about this. They have always known that we are all pieces of the same organism, just like the atoms and cells and organs and electricity in your body are all part of one body!!

And btw, culture is another HUGE part of us being social creatures!! Being expressive and creative and connected!! That's part of our nature!! We're meant to sing and dance and laugh together!! That connectivity of us being a collective is So Important!!! Making fun of people for being "sheep", or having "herd mentality" every single time is so stupid because yes!!! Yes that's EXACTLY how we are supposed to be!!! We are social creatures, remember?? The whole point is that we do things together!!!

I know how society is rn isn't the end all, be all, but it just breaks my heart that this Capitalism shit goes against some of the most beautiful parts of humanity!! We are animals!!! We are cute and curious and compassionate and social and we need warmth and sunlight and sustenance from the earth and water and sleep and shelter from the elements!! We have instincts just like everything else!! We came from the dust and we will return to the dust because we will always be part of the Earth, just like all the other animals!! And somehow, despite all odds, despite how robotic Capitalism wants us to be, our human nature seeps into everything.

Take care of yourself! You are an animal, after all! <3

*climbs off rooftop... for now*

#humanity #humans as animals #human spirit #and the true nature of humanity #anthropology #nature #human nature #whimsy #childlike wonder #wholesome #ponderings #galaxy brain #ramblings #connectedness #shouting into the tumblr void #soap box

[oakbuggy]

Liar, Liar Chapter 5

Recom!Neteyam x female OC

Summary : Tala of the Tawkami gets captured by a familiar face and to both of their misfortune, they are trapped together due to circumstance. They are extremely vexed by this and each other and also very horny.

Warnings: Minors DNI, non-con+dub-con, explicit smut, dirty talk, authority, power struggle, mentions+depictions of blood, minor violence, character death, marking, biting, scenting, ANGST

!! Each chapter will have images throughout the chapter, only the AO3 will have the NSFW-uncensored versions. Please keep this in mind as you read !!

Chapter 5 (NSFW) ~9.3k words

AO3 Link Here!

Prev Chapter / Next Chapter

When Lo'ak woke it was through cold shudders and violent gasps, rousing Tsireya next to him awake.

"Yawne?" She called out to him so gently, "What is wrong?" Lo'ak couldn't hear her sweet tone but still his large hands grappled for hers, finding them within the darkness of the mauri and the night sky.

He could only think of the searing gaze of the brother he thought he lost so long ago and the grip of a knife he was actually so ready to use. The sound of the waves outside, mindlessly and rhythmically tumbling against each other, gave him some peace, so he breathed out hard, pushing beaded braids out of his face.

He could hear the water, yet why did it still feel like his blue skin was getting scorched?

"Lo." Tsireya's voice was louder and she willed his attention to her, her other hand cradled his jaw. The Sully's jewel-toned eyes flickered, anchoring their gaze on her blue ones.

"Sorry." He rumbled, voice still saturated with sleep. She shook her head and smiled softly, he could tell that her eyes were tracing all the stripes on his face, the star patterned marks of his forehead.

Lo'ak always liked her eyes, they looked like the sky.

He kissed her knuckles. "Thank you."

Tsireya nodded, her sweet smile dimpled and she pressed her lips against his brow, the hair tickling her. There they were, in their shared mauri, colorful and thick blankets adorning their bedspread and their limbs still tangled together in this safe harbor.

"What did you see?"

"..." The lump in his throat was heavy and painful. "I saw him. I saw Neteyam."

The Metkayina woman gasped softly. She couldn't believe it, she remembered too well how the eldest Sully son looked as he died. How she was there all too long with him, alone, as he bled out.

They didn't know how to feel, when they heard the news from the Tawkami alchemist, (tala full name). No one did, not when they saw the signs of struggle and blood in the Compass's photo album.

"Great Mother... How was he? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, he's... he's a completely different person now, 'Reya. Mom was there, he barely even looked at her, kept saying shit about dad and turning him in," Lo'ak covered his face with his other hand, fingers splayed as he willed himself to stop shaking. He could feel his emotions rising, he knew his tendencies now and all had seen how intensely Lo'ak blamed himself for Neteyam's death. Impulsivity, stupidity- "He hates me."

"Don't, Lo'ak. don't do this to yourself." Tsireya squeezed his hand, darker blue and with an extra digit and so comforting as it held hers.

"It's the RDA, the vrrteps [demons], they've poisoned his mind when they brought him back, just like Tala said. You know that Neteyam would never actually blame you."

Lo'ak smiled weakly. Yes, he knew his older brother, yes, the Neteyam he knew would probably stab himself again than even 'look' at his family members the way he did in the dream. In a sick way, however, Lo'ak thought he deserved it all the same.

"Enough of that. You're doing it again." His mate cut off his spiraling again and this time he chuckled, his thumb rubbed her palm.

"How'd I get so lucky with a girl like you, 'Reya?" He joked, though sincere. It's been years and he's grown, tattooed and proved himself as both warrior and adult. And yet still he didn't know exactly how to return truly how much he loved her, when her floral and oceanic skin calmed him, and her scent drove him wild.

Tsireya smiled brighter, dimples showing cutely. "How funny, I was just thinking the same thing." She answered. It made him laugh, made him pepper kisses along her cheeks and dimples, her neck and shoulder and arms.

"Now you're just being cute." He snickered and brought her dark curls to his lips again, intending to kiss every part of her and take in her scent. She calmed him, she knew it and she rested her forehead on his.

A moment. A quiet. Every moment like this felt perfect with her.

But heat still glowed in the back of Lo'ak's mind, his brain was just too active, as evident by the way his tail swayed behind him restlessly. He kissed Tsireya’s forehead again. “I’ll be right back. I just need to clear my head.”

“Alright, just don't take too long.”

Tisreya never got tired of the way he’d smile at her, fangs showing through upturned lips.

“From you? Never.”

A few more lingering looks, Lo’ak stepped onto the pathways of the camp, Txampaytsrul [Ocean Nest]]. A new wartime settlement was established between the forest na’vi and the ocean na’vi tribes, as a way to protect their homes yet keep close to Bridgehead. It made another home away from home for warriors and healers like Lo’ak and Tsireya, those from different clans that allowed their love to grow.

The Omaticayan male stared all around him, at Eywa’eveng, his brother’s words reeling in his headspace. Their dad doomed this place, this place still teeming valiantly with life and beauty despite the RDA’s efforts?

Tiny pebbles of sand became smoothened rock and Lo’ak settled onto one that hung over calmed waters. He heard something… above him, he looked up.

“Hey bro.” He greeted upon seeing Spider, hanging upside down along the fronds of the tree above the rocks. Gracefully the smaller maneuvered himself next to his younger brother.

“What’s up? You alright?” He said, jerking blond locs away from his face. Lo’ak shrugged.

“Bad dream. What are you still doing up?”

“Haven’t slept much since I ran out of Tala's sleep mix.”

“Kiri’s not good enough?”

Spider chuckled. “Tala got some secret ingredient she’s never told anyone about. Kiri said she knows it but… she doesn’t want to use it. It’s Tala’s thing, something like that.” Lo’ak hummed in agreement. It’s been many months now since the Tawkami na’vi’s capture, and thinking about Tala inevitably made him think about…

"Dream was that bad?"  Spider asked, a brown-eyed comforting gaze settled on his younger brother and Lo’ak sighed.

“I saw… Neteyam. And mom. It didn’t go well, it felt real and really hot, like it was burning.”

Spider’s eyes went wide.

“How... how is he?” He said, a lump forming. It had messed him badly enough to know it took Neteyam’s death to be truly accepted into the Sully family in the parents’ eyes, it was an awful reminder to him.

“Not good. It's like I could feel what both he and mom were thinking, we all could, and it wasn't... It was bad."

“What was he thinking about?”

“About how you were probably the only one he was sure he wouldn’t kill. Because of… you know,” Lo’ak shrugged and smiled at Spider in chagrin, “Quaritch.”

“Oh…” Spider starved carving into the stone with his thumb, “fuck.”

The mention of Colonel Quaritch still hung like a dead animal in the air between them, the body gone but the stench remained. Both men understood the emotions and rationalizing behind the choice, but Lo’ak could never forget it and Spider couldn’t ever quite forgive himself, even if some days he was sure there wasn’t anything to forgive. The smaller Sully sucked in breath through his teeth.

“Bro, I–”

“Brooo!” The younger groaned, “you already said sorry like a hundred times you skxawng. It’s not like it was ever going to bring him back. It’s been years.”

Relief soared through Spider’s heart instantly and he smiled.

“Right, right, yea.”

Lo’ak leaned back, both men more relaxed and sporting warrior garb and tattoos. They were brothers, they’ve already made their peace.

“Whatever Great Mother is planning, I hope she does it soon.” Lo’ak sighed, bringing a hand to his face.

“I wanna save him. What dad’s gonna say at the family meeting tomorrow though, I don't know.” Lo’ak huffed.

“We will. But yea, the family meeting...” Spider’s words were clipped, a family meeting was often a stressful affair, Neytiri could not help but look displeased with him there or for any other more intimate function within The People. Lo’ak noticed and clapped a large hand on Spider’s back. Their fingers matched in number and scars.

“That includes you, dude. Mom’ll lay off you, I promise, she’s been… okay.”

The smaller Sully scoffed but nodded. “By okay you mean no longer cursing under her breath whenever I’m near, then sure. She’s better.” Spider shook his head, admonishing himself slightly for his bitterness, “But if she had that dream too, I don't wanna upset her more. You know I would.”

Lo’ak snorted and tapped on the glass at Spider’s forehead. He was lucky he couldn’t give him a noogie for the dumb shit he just said.

“Spider. Bro. You’re a true Sully, look at how much the RDA wants to kill you! And Neteyam, even though he’s not allowed to!” the corners of his mouth raised, a laugh ready to bellow.

"Yeah, I guess that's what it takes to be a Sully, huh?" Spider joked and the two of them laughed, some stress finally leaving their young features. As the giggles quieted down and they returned to staring at the night sky.

"Maybe this will end the war." Spider broke the silence and Lo'ak hummed, agreeing. The end of the war, the  two of them hoped. The return of peace, and maybe selfishly that included the return of their brother and their family.

"You think we'll all survive it?"

At this the smaller smiled. "If even Neteyam's alive now, I don't think it's bad to hope for it,"

"We'll fight for happy times to return, and they will, you'll see."

---------------------------

Neteyam was not happy. Neteyam knew he had fucked himself over when his eyes cracked open and eh saw the long length of Tala's back, which he stared at in frustration.

He could feel his veins bursting. Fuck. Fuck. This was exactly why he avoided her, the curves of her body made him recall all too vividly the way he completely let go in front of her. How he praised and begged for her–to feel that much more of her skin on his. He tried to block it out, but the feeling of her bite, her first mark on him, triggered so many feelings of possessiveness and desire in his head and his heart–wasn’t she supposed to be helping with his headaches? 

His fingers grazed over the bandages she had applied the day before, still pristine and his overall condition did technically improve. But his digits twitched, Tala’s stupid little mark was right above the injury, on the curve of his neck.

It was barely noticeable, the bruise would purple up and disappear within the day. The soldier didn’t pay too much attention to how his tail thumped softly underneath the covers.

He had a full view of her striped back, they must have disconnected sometime in the night. With his hand, which Neteyam thought assuredly he was going to use to push Tala off, he surprised himself by tracing the line down her spine. His hand hovered over the fullness of her hips, pushing down the covers to reveal more of her, and his thumbs rested on the indents of her back dimples.

Tala… Tala… Li’Tala.

Remnants of their night together reached up and stained her ass, they had made such a big mess. He tried so fucking hard not to look at those swollen pussy ips peaking between her ass cheeks because they’d only be grossly caked in old cum–

Why was he hard. Why did that make him hard.

He internally groaned and quickly covered her body back up. The only silver lining Neteyam could figure in this situation was that Tala was working marvelously as a distraction of the usual mental battles he was forced to participate in every day of existence. She was just… too effective.

And that agitated him.

With a natural poise, the soldier kneeled up and grabbed at the starched lab coat without disturbing even a wrinkle of the blanket on her body. Quickly he searched through the inner pockets, carefully rolling the tiniest crumbs of herbs and plant matter. Not necessarily satisfying his need to prove her guilt.

The first outer pocket held only hard crumbs of honey he already knew of. It made his mouth water, he truly like he was a child again when she pushed the small piece of it into his mouth.

Her smile was nearly as sweet.

“Hmmmm…” Tala stirred, as if on cue, and Neteyam immediately hid the coat behind him, buried underneath his body as he resettled onto the mattress. Something in him saw this moment as peace and didn’t want to disturb it, not even with his suspicion active.

Just… not yet.

Tala sighed and turned and rubbed sleep out of her eyes. She yawned as she swore she saw a flash of dazzling yellow and heard quick movements of fabric but when her eyes focused on his form, he was breathing peacefully and sleepily.

Great Mother… She looked at the mark she gave him on his neck, her wrists and right ear feeling heavy. What had she done? What was she thinking? She turned to face him fully.

Tala was surprised to find herself still in his bed, all things considered. This was the first time she’s woken in warmth, in comfort even, she wondered how bad was his fever that he let this happen. Regardless, all the softness of the sheets or his heat didn’t stop a tightness developing in her chest, a pressure. She didn’t truly want her place to be a thing warming his bed.

Neteyam’s nose twitched and immediately Tala had to suppress a chuckle. Oh, how long had he been awake? Somehow he’d teeter on the line of just enough being adorable that it made tiny moments like this worth it, the fun she could poke at through his militaristic exterior. It was wishful, she knew, it was just pretend.

Tala planted her cold feet quickly onto his thighs and Neteyam snapped back.

“You skxawng!” He hissed childishly, the facade abandoned and she laughed.

“It’s what you get for trying to fool me, hona tsamsiyu [adorable warrior].” Tala replied teasingly, eyes too much mirthful. Whatever scathing dither he was about to spit out was unfairly interrupted when she suddenly sat closer, supporting herself on her side as she hovered her face above his.

“Good morning.” She purred musically.

Neteyam swallowed, her curtain of hair covered him slightly and it reiginited him, he breathed in her scent. Heady healing roses and charred honey now.

He pursed his lips, “...Morning.” The taste of honey sprung forth and the fact that she was not too unlike it. Her taste.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yes.”

His reply made the corners of her smile rise. “See what happens when you let a proper healer take care of you?” Her voice dipped low and nearly saccharine, her tail swayed behind her in self-satisfaction. The male na’vi’s nose twitched again, irritated, and he rolled his eyes. Impossible.

“Don’t get cocky.”

“Around you? Never.” Her words held an unspoken insult but her smile made it teasing and humorous, Great Mother he hated when she smiled like that.

Tala examined his injury, checking and complimenting herself on her work, and used the back of her hand to check his fever. Still warm, but not nearly as bad as before.

Meanwhile Neteyam was struggling, her leaf green eyes were so inviting and kind that he thought he was going to melt. Did she know how tenderly she was looking at him? Did she know the way her eyelashes framed them made him only want to stare longer?

He grabbed her by her shackle and those infernal green eyes only widened.

How many times did his heart find necessary to trick him into liking this woman?

“Is something wrong, Corporal?” Her using such a name made him grimace and jerk back, letting go of her wrist.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Tawkami.” He replied, a sneer felt so much more natural to him now than soft words.

“What game?” Tala whispered. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, his eyelids too naturally closed. Except, to the utter demise of his ego, she only hovered in front of his lips.

Oh, she did deserve some fun, didn’t she?

“Would you like to kiss me?”

Damnit.

"Seems like you want me to." He murmured.

"Only if it's like last night."

"And how was it last night?"

'Like you cared for me.' Tala sighed pettily, "Fine, nevermi-"

Neteyam obliged so easily, the warm contact of her lips made him sigh, both of their bodies relaxed. He reached to bring her closer, curling his arm around her torso as Tala settled her hand on his cheek, their legs tangled together once more. Heat surged between their bodies, Neteyam almost dug his fingers into her flesh but Tala pulled back.

“No. Soft.” She whispered then pushed back into the kiss without letting him reply. He got the memo through, his hand splayed on her hips and near-affectionately massaged her softness.

Their kiss was slow, gentle, plush lips squeezed against each other. It was an entirely romantic kiss and both wholly melted into it.

Tala was as much lulled into Neteyam’s warmth as he was in hers and notes of regret and self-contempt seeped in. She knew it was wrong, her eyes peaked open when Neteyam gently held her jaw. Large and scarred hands that weren’t trapped in cuffs and surely had killed their own.

Tala was foolish, she always accepted that fact.

“Why did you call me Li’Tala last night, Neteyam?” She whispered softly into the kiss but all Neteyam heard were words that damned him.

He broke off the kiss and swallowed.

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?” He challenged.

It made her scoff, "If you were to be my mate, why aren't you crying tears of gratitude right now?"

She remembered that? Of course she did, he did too. He chuckled dryly.

"I can call you whatever I want, you are my toy."

"You said you wanted to pretend."

He froze.

Tala closed her eyes and sighed. Of course, he wouldn’t give her an answer, it was probably too much for him to admit to wanting to feel loved, no matter how fake it was, no matter who it was with.

She pushed him and turned away and it flummoxed Neteyam. He was stunned by the quickness of cold surging through his body without her in his arms and his hands chased for her waist to hold her closely. It was as if he was the one being discarded and Tala wondered if he’d ever realize the depths of his immaturity, his neediness.

What was he doing? Neteyam couldn’t find it within himself to let go of her.

“Would you rather I call you syulang? Is that it?” He murmured meanly, a smirk on his lips, trying to distract.

“You’ve got many nicknames for me, don’t you, Corporal?” She replied with her own smirk. His dropped.

“Stop picking a fight with me, filtsyíp [little toy].” His voice had an experienced razor-sharp edge but it was tinged in pleading. Tala bristled at it all the same. She poked his nose, mockingly affectionate.

"You are needy."

Neteyam’s ears raised in complete offense, his brows went up so high, Tala couldn’t count the wrinkles on his forehead. "Needy??" He scoffed, not him! No, what the fuck?

"You are needy and stubborn and you find me irresistible, just admit it, you."

Her smile was irritating him now.

"You're crazy."

She giggled, "And you," She poked at his cock that was awake and at attention, he didn't notice before, "are hard for me."

Neteyam cursed in his head.

“That’s not for you.”

“Ahuh.”

She was supposed to be helping with his headaches, not being one.

He reversed their positions with ease, hand spread against her throat. He pushed her down by her neck and growled.

“Filtsyíp, you forget yourself.”

Her hands went up to cradle his face and it felt more like he was being ensnared. Her legs locked around his waist, bringing their hips together and Neteyam had to bite back a moan at his cock head perfectly pressing against her folds.

"Am I? Are you sure about that?~" Her singsong voice forced a shudder through his body.

Yomioang [chalice plant]. She was fucking dangerous.

Neteyam gathered his arms around her and just when Tala was thinking how predictable a man he was, he stood up, holding her, and walked towards his connected bathroom.

"Neteyam! What are you-!" He ignored her squawks and wiggling. This bathroom had a shower head affixed to the ceiling and Tala's eyes went wide. She screeched.

"Don't you dare!"

He dared. Neteyam turned the water on and it soaked them both, her tail pointed up violently, the water was so cold!

“Neteyam! What is wrong with you?! Let me go!”

He didn’t let her go, he let the freezing water ground him. He'd almost let her do whatever she wanted with him.

"Oh, poor Tala. Can't handle a little cold water?" He taunted, standing straight proudly as he cupped her ass to support her weight better. He held her up around her back, with his stupid strong arms. She closed in on his face with a petulant hiss, nails digging into his shoulders.

"Happy with yourself, soldier?"

He looked at her, watched the way the water streamed from her face, her hair, onto the valleys of her breasts and her tummy, creating a perfectly little triangle down her pelvis. He smiled, showing his fangs.

"Yes, thank you filtsyíp."

OH, he said it was such a smirk, she wanted to slap it off entirely. Great Mother, she wanted him to drop dead. Tala steamed for a good few seconds, the water slowly turning warm, and she watched dirtied water flock and swirl over the drain. Her tail was swinging back and forth, enraged.

"Seems like you needed to cool down, and took me with you because you're a..." Tala's reply devolved into grumbling curses and Neteyam laughed.

Soon the soldier turned off the water and sat her back down on his bed, now shivering. He contemplated giving back her lab coat, but it's not like the material would do much to dry her off.

He threw her an extra towel carelessly. 

"Finally. You trying to get me sick now too?" Tala scathed. She continued to glower at him as she worked to dry herself off, looking away from him as she patted at her dark hair.

Neteyam rolled his eyes and walked close to her, kneeling towards her as she sat at the edge of his bed. The corners of his mouth were raised but Tala could hardly call it a smile, not with it brimming with arrogance like that.

"Want another shower, filtsyíp?"

She tightly frowned.

"Then keep that mouth shut."

--

Like a wet cat, Neteyam unceremoniously handed Tala off to Private Patty a few 10 minutes later.

"Corpor-aluhhhhh." Patty's composure was compromised, seeing two very wet na'vi as she stood in front of Neteyam's quarters. Her yellow eyes darted between the two, each face had irritation practically glowing from their features.

"Just take her back to Lab 12 now." He said tiredly and handed Tala off to the guard.

"Sir, yes sir."

The door closed and Tala sneered at him the second before it completely shut. She stood up straighter, a towel still covering her and she looked up at Patty.

"Do you even want to know?"

"No. Let's get going, troublemaker."

Tala sighed, her ears flat against her head in irritation. She followed Patty, casting one last glance at Neteyam's door. This was another lesson, it seemed, that she really should stop being so willful and think ahead for a second.

Because no amount of humiliation and guilt was worth the treatment of being HIS little toy. She prayed for his sake that he would not get hurt again, because surely, she would NOT be helping this time.

--

Neteyam fell back into his bed, slowly dressing back into his usual uniform now that that yomioang was out of his space. He wanted to welcome the usual drumming in his head, the usual migraine but Tala's scent was unfortunately everywhere still.

He wanted to punch something, so he figured getting up and getting some sparing done would do him immense good.

As Neteyam put on his headband he realized that the main source of her scent was still on his bed, her lab coat. He had forgotten to return it to her, having had too much fun mocking her towards the end.

With only little expectation now, Neteyam dug into the last pocket. Might as well, it was more about the principle than actually finding anything-

He felt the prick before he could see it and there it was… a thin and crude titanium needle, tiny and unnoticeable at the bottom of Tala’s pocket. The tips of Neteyam’s fingers held the needle in place as he excruciatingly slowly pulled it out, letting it glint even from the low light of his room.

Ah.

He should have known.

--

Patty turned first, hearing loud footsteps behind them as Tala walked ahead of her, wrists clasped together once more.

"Corporal Tom?"

Fingers poised as claws and it latched onto Tala's neck, her scream died as the hand began to squeeze at her windpipe. Her own hands flew to it, digging her nails into the skin but nothing deterred him.

“Change of plans, Private. I'll take her back myself." Neteyam husked and Patty knew immediately how pissed he was.

"Wha-what's wrong, sir?"

"None of your concern, Private. This won't take long." He roughly turned Tala to face him. His eyes looked like suns burning into her but he was emotionless. She was just so good at pretending, wasn’t she?

“You never did answer my questions, filtsyíp. It’s fair for me to get them now.” He discretely slid out the end of the needle from underneath his watch and Tala balked. Oh, shit.

"I-I can-"

Her words were interrupted when a larger group of prisoners shuffled across his path, a pair of guards to every few shackled na’vi. Their blue skin was drenched, still shaking and freezing from the pouring rain outside. They created large puddles as they walked on the otherwise immaculate Bridgehead flooring. There Anke’ti was, amongst the miserable group, having just returned from the dark and cloudy outside from digging useless trenches around Bridgehead. His body may have been numb to the bone but he could smell his best friend and his head snapped toward her

Green met green, Anke'ti's eyes widened at the scene he stumbled upon. That resurrected soldier, the Sully, hand squeezed around Tala's throat.

"Tala...!" He gasped, breaking the formation of the prisoners. It caused confused and agitated mumblings, hisses, from the other na'vi and the guards yelled at them to keep in line!

"Yayo!" Tala reached out for him, making Neteyam's sneer only worsen. Him again.

Against a well-rested soldier with minor injury, a starved and exhausted captive was definitely no match. Neteyam elected to sidestep Anke’ti and use the force of his leg to kick him back to the floor, next to the other prisoners. Tala screeched, a panicked voice bubbled from her constricted throat.

"Don't hurt him!"

“Don’t do this.” The soldier warned Anke'ti, ignoring Tala. He noticed another soldier about to strike at the group with a powered up baton and he opened his mouth to order them to stop when another voice bellowed out instead.

“You wanna blow out the entire facility? Turn that shit off, boy!” Quaritch’s growl and thunderous footsteps hushed the aggravated soldiers and warriors. Soldiers stood straighter, their batons turned off but at the ready as the prisoners huddled closer together, snarled and ready to strike back.

“The fuck’s going on, Tommy?” The older man barked, eyeing the entire group. An apprehensive prisoner, a strong grip around a smaller female, her smell strong on his Corporal. Oh, just great.

"I can handle this." Neteyam gruffed out. Quaritch snorted, golden eyes landing on Tala and instantly it made her cower, lowering her eyes back to Anke'ti.

"Anke, stop." She whispered hurriedly, eyes gazing at the rest of the prisoners. These were not warriors, perhaps she and Anke'ti may have been the only ones in that hallway, and that meant whatever her friend did, they would follow.

Anke'ti glanced at her, conflicted.

Neteyam noticed and with a silent huff, he let go of Tala's neck. He took a small step away, closer to the Tawkami male now, fingers lazily draped in the air.

See? Now get back in line.

Anke'ti's ears folded flat against his head, but after his friend nodded at him reassuringly, he straightened his posture. He no longer radiated aggression, and shuffled back to the group.

The other na’vi took notice, they too calmed their stances.

Quaritch sighed and jerked his head at the nearest dreamwaker. “What’re you waiting for? Take them away.”

Neteyam kept his eyes on the Tawkami long after the rest of them shambled away, though again the Colonel casted his stare on him.

He scoffed at his appearance and the little love bite, “Careful, revenge is a good motivator for a prisoner like that. A bit of stress relief ain’t supposed to get you killed.” When he called her stress relief Tala's ears pointed down, embarrassed and fearful. Was he going to tell him now about what she's done, especially about Halloway?

“We live stressful lives, Colonel. Everything we do can get us killed.” The soldier cooly replied. It made the old man's expression pinch.

“Jesus Christ, if that aint the truth… Regardless, glad to see you’re up and about, finally. That looks like that smarts.”

He glanced down, the blood through the bandage was no longer bright red.

“I’ve handled worse. If you'll excuse me, Colonel.” Neteyam glanced at Tala, who resolved to watch Anke'ti's back disappear into the distance. She was so worried now, he looked thinner still.

"Keep it short. Mission briefing’s at 0-900 hours." Quaritch started to walk away, leering at them both. "Private Eastin, follow me."

"M-me?" Patty owlishly blinked but nodded. "Sir, yes sir!" She scrambled to follow the older Recom soldier, she looked back only once at Tala and Neteyam. When they finally disappeared down the winding halls of Bridgehead, Neteyam's grip returned, now on her braid.

"Now, where were we?"

Tala hissed from the pain, forced to quickly follow the soldier's lead into an emptied and dark lab. He roughly pushed her against the wall as soon as the doors locked shut, seething. Neteyam's eyes looked like they were boiling through hers.

"Did you hope your yayo would save you now?"

The air was knocked out of her chest, his arm pushed against her harder onto the wall. The room was dark, darker than his room, and Tala felt suffocated further by the way his eyes glowed gold in the shadows.

"I-I don't know-"

Neteyam again pulled out the needle and she huffed. "That's literally nothing, Neteyam."

"It's what you used on Halloway, isn;t it? You wouldn't be dumb enough to have only one, would you?" He pulled her kuru back, making her whimper as it forced her to look up at him more.

“There’s a symbol being spread around the facility here. Was it you?”

Tala’s breath hitched, even if she hadn’t seen him for three weeks, he was still around Bridgehead. He must’ve been informed. Her brows pinched together.

"What are you even talking about?" She struggled to choke out, fingers gripping the metal wall. She tried to find any purchase, any bit of relief.

The towel fell from her shoulders and onto the floor. Without it, the na'vi was completely bare so she moved her legs closer together, only for Neteyam to kick them apart once more. He dug his knee between her thighs and she hissed at the friction, her skin against his rough camo-pants.

"You're just a little whore, aren't you, Tala? What, changed your mind? Decided you only wanted my cock?" Neteyam taunted, riding his knee further up so it directly and roughly rubbed against her cunt. Tala breathed deeply and quickly.

"J-just get to the point, Neteyam. Are you really this angry over a tiny piece of metal?" She laughed meanly, because she knew too well how to. "Or was the cold shower actually not very helpful?"

He growled above her and with both hands he forcefully dug into her hips, grinding her down against his clothed thigh. Tala mewled, shuddering violently.

Slick was already coating the waterproof material and the Omaticayan buried his face into her wet hair. He growled his amusement against her ear. 

"Look at you... answer me and I can help you, little toy. It looks like you need it."

Tala squeezed her eyes shut, her fangs prodding into her bottom lip. Her handiwork, the mark she’d given him and her treatment on his chest, mocked her so vividly. She did forget herself.

"I-mmm!-I didn't..." She whined, balling her fists up against Neteyam's chest. He was fully clothed, now sporting a black tank top that let her lean against his bare neck. His scent, she hated that she was becoming addicted to the tree musk and sunlillies on his skin.

"I-there are metal scraps in-in the lab. I don't have any more." She explained, though she found it hard to focus as he continued rhythmically sliding her up and down his thigh. He was her only source of warmth now and she quivered as she chased it.

He sighed, suddenly stopping. Tala squeaked, supporting herself on her tippy toes as she gawked up at his smug expression.

"Were you planning on using it on me, little toy?" He asked, noticing though that she was struggling not to move at all. The material of his pants were driving Tala crazy, stiff wrinkles kept pressed against her sensitive vulva.

But the question knocked some sense back into her and she glared at him.

"Why would I do that after I just finished treating you? I didn't plan for you to get shot and then somehow I be available to heal you, if that's how far you're thinking."

Grumbling, Tala tried to step out of the muscled thigh. Her scent was heavy, it felt like it was almost suffocating him and Neteyam roughly held onto her ass cheeks now, commanding attention again. Her leaf-green eyes were dark, it made him think of lightning in the jungle.

"Who knows, maybe you've already flirted with some other guards while I was gone. Maybe you got yourself your own little group of rebels willing to fight for your escape. Your yayo was about to."

Tala's ears strained, his comment baffled her.

“How badly did the vrrteps mix up your mind, hm? One moment begging for me, the next stranglin–”

She couldn't finish the sentence when suddenly Neteyam forced them both into a large storage locker, he locked the cabinet from the inside and covered Tala's mouth. She was about to struggle when she heard a familiar click and whirr of the doors opening.

"So how much do we need?"

"Only like 30 kilograms, it should be somewhere around here." Tawtute voices rang through and Tala tensed.

Neteyam kneeled behind her and very slowly and silently, he led Tala's body to also kneel, able to disperse her weight on top of him--

She jumped away when she suddenly felt the delicious lick of pleasure of her hard cock against her shiny pussy lips. She whined but that only caused Neteyam's hand to clamp around her face harder.

"You hear something?"

"Huh? No?"

Tala dug her nails into her palms as they sweated against the inner metal walls of the storage locker. She tried to resist when Neteyam's other hand started forcing her down, squeezed against her clavicle and neck.

Her thighs trembled when once again the tip of his cock slid against her wet cunt, she couldn't even turn to see his expression. All she knew was that he was horny and insane and angry at her.

Slowly and carefully, the soldier moved his hand away from her face and she breathed as deeply and quietly as she could. His tail came in front to wrap around her waist, coxing her  hips to lower more.

She shook her head, knowing he would be able to see her.

"You stay quiet and I'll forget the whole thing, hm? Besides," Neteyam mocked, whispering into her hair now as he embraced her from behind fully, "You like riding me, don't you?"

Tala cursed more expletives than she realized she knew in her head. Neteyam knew what he was doing was overwhelmingly unnecessary right then, that really he should have reported the entire affair and dust away any bitter feelings.

And yet, it crushed his ego to realize she was right. The cold shower did little and now her tight cunt was mere centimeters away from his weeping cock. He wanted to fuck her and fuck away all these strange feelings of betrayal, indecisiveness. All those feelings that swirled whenever he was around her.

Tala bit her lip as finally her hips lowered. Neteyam used his other hand to adjust his cock into her entrance, she stopped at the bit of resistance of her folds.

He squeezed her neck to kill her squeal as he pushed her down further on his ridged length, stretching her out in one thrust.

Her shackled arms reached in front of her, fingertips willing to not make any sound as she needed to keep her balance and sanity. Something about being in this extremely confined and dark space was making her nerves go on fire and her walls immediately squeezed around his ridges. Neteyam bit his own lips, he continued pushing her body down until her ass was flush against his hips.

Great Mother, his hard cock was pulsing warmth inside her, Tala couldn't control her inner walls spasming despite them not moving.

"Be good." He strained and Tala nodded, still unable to speak with his hand on her throat. Unknowingly, her tail wrapped around his forearm tightly. Oh, she felt like she was going to cum from him just being inside her now, what was happening.

Her eyes were fluttering open, eyes rolling back and her knees were shifting her position slightly, letting her rut tiny movements on him.

He couldn't help himself, she wasn't being good and in this situation, she would be far more mortified than he in getting caught.

So he let go of her neck, which let tiny sounds spill from her closed mouth. He brought both large hands to start playing with her tits, teasing the stiff peaks carelessly.

She hated this, she hated this. She felt so humiliated, how easily she became putty in his arms. She thought she'd gained some sort of foothold over him, but he knocked her down so easily and now his cock was so pleasurably rubbing against her sweet spot over and over, heating her up from the inside. Oh, she hated him, she hated him--

The voices outside stopped, the door whirred loudly closed and instantly Tala crumpled on top of him.

"NNnhg!" She moaned, high pitched and whiny.

"Was that the best you could do?" Neteyam teased from beneath her but before she could reply he fucked up into her harshly.

"I-MMM!" Tala brought back her bound hands to her mouth, trying to muffle the wanton moans as she tried not to fall over from his powerful thrusts. It was nothing like last night, he fucked her to dominate her even though she was on top.

"You wanted me to beg, hm? Wanted me to kiss you all nice and soft?" He pushed her face against the locked cabinet door, rutting into her even faster and rougher, their bodies smacking against each other in the dark heat.

"fuck,, fuck fuck!" She cried tightly to herself. Her tongue rolled out of her mouth, mind was getting hazy now...

"C'mon, ma'fil [my toy]. You want to do good for me, yes?" He groaned as he watched her fucked-out expression and the way her pussy squeezed and sucked in his cock hungrily. He could see all the details of her blushing flesh so easily in the dark, he enjoyed smelling their scents and their juices mixed together inside the locker.

"Ahh, ahh, mmg, gonna-gonna cum, please!" She whined, eyes rolled over. Her hands clasped together tightly, legs were beginning to shake from how roughly he was fucking her.

He just wanted to hear that pretty pussy make all of its pretty noises, wanted to make it squelch as it came from his cock.

But he had an idea, and as excruciating as it was to stop, he did. Tala gasped.

"Bu-what, please!" She whined, trying to grind her hips back on him but he suddenly fully sat down, caging her body in his arms. He leaned against her back, licking at the light sheen of sweat.

"Mmmh, please, Neteyam, please I need to---"

"Only good girls get to cum" He drawled out, he could feel his length twitching inside her and it drove him mad but he resisted.

"Good girls don't make sneaky little weapons or flirt with other men."

Tala cried out, "But-but I didn't~!" In the haze of her desire, the lies sounded extremely true even to her. Well, she never flirted with other men at least!

"Your poor yayo, wonder how he'd feel seeing you begging me now? How did he feel seeing my mark on you?" In place of his lust, Neteyam's cruel words were growing. Tala fidgeted, confusion laced in her every breath.

"W-what are-"

"Or your little mark on me?" He bit into her skin and desperately she squeezed his thick cock head inside her. It made him involuntarily buck, it's true, but it wasn't enough. Not by a long shot.

"We're not lovers, if that's what you're trying to say!" Tala huffed, frustration beading up. "M-maybe I did only want you, you inside me, okay?"

She twisted as best as she could, at least to make eye contact with him and he could see little droplets cling to her eyelashes.

"I’m your toy. Please let me cum~!" It was her final whimper, the only thing she could think to say in that moment and by Eywa, was it the best thing she could've said.

For Neteyam's yellow eyes widened, his pupils contracted even bigger as his possessive nature was stroked to perfection and he basically purred. She was his toy, wasn't she?

"Now you finally get it." His fangs gleamed even in the dark when set Tala against the floor of the locker now, ass raised up.

"OHH, MMMM!" Tala screamed when Neteyam plunged back into her hot and wet core, haggard moans and breaths punching out of her lungs.

He fucked her so hard she thought he was willing her to become part of the floor, but that didn't stop her juices from flowing out of her nonstop or her orgasm from skyrocketing.

"Ahh, ahh,-MM,MM oh, oh, great mother I’m gonna--"

"C'mon, cum for me, Li'Tala."

Tala screamed into her arm as her body convulsed, she was seeing stars as she came so hard she instantly felt numb. Neteyam growled loudly and his hips stuttered, her walls strangling his throbbing length and it coaxed his cum to coat her insides again and again.

A few moments later, Neteyam kicked open the locker door, letting in refreshing air to cool their skin as he cradled Tala against his body. They panted hard and in sync, their bodies twitching from exhaustion and ecstacy and now sticking together, sweaty.

Tala was exhausted, emotionally and physically. She didn't even register how Neteyam had entwined his tail with hers, otherwise she'd surely jump at the opportunity to tease.

"No more of these metal things." Neteyam huffed out.

"Okay..."

"Or those symbols."

"Alright..."

Neteyam shifted, nuzzling into her neck. He liked her perfume too much.

"And don't forget what you said... you're MY toy. Mine."

Tala weakly glanced at him, though his face was still hidden away in her hair. She bit her lip and looked forward, the way their legs tangled together.

"Yours..."

The word felt heavy and bitter in her mouth.

----------------

It’s been a week and Tala had found herself at an impasse.

By no means did she keep any such requests Neteyam had asked of her, Orlek’an simply insisted on her being more careful and that the Anurai woman handle the rest.

She sighed, Neteyam was becoming… overzealous. They had seen each other every day since that incident and each day increased in both intimacy and confusion.

“Something wrong?” Tala turned in her stool back to Dr. Hanson. She smiled cheekily, of all the scientists he had become her favorite. Extremely easy to annoy.

“My ass hurts.”

He choked on his coffee and Patty chortled loudly behind her. Tala sighed louder and stretched out onto the table, prompting the scientist to quickly move his coffee mug and digital pad away to make room.

“Can’t you spare me any zoslu paste? My hips feel like they’re about to break.” Tala whined softly, though truly she was not expecting any charity. Patty howled even louder and Dr. Hanson sputtered.

“I gave you advil! And Jesus Christ, get up! We still have 18 more samples and variations to look through!” Dr. Hanson yelled. Tala rolled over and looked up at him with fluttering eyes.

“Please, a break? I’ll be very cooperative after, I promise.” She asked meekly, her voice small and sad, and Dr. Hanson sighed into his mug.

“Fine. 20 minutes, and then back to work!” He grumbled. Tala smiled and purred against his arm, from 5 minutes to 20, she had done a good job wheedling him to be nicer and nicer.

She took off her new coat, for some reason Neteyam had permanently kept her old one, and laid it flat on the floor. It would be her only cushion and yet it was enough for her then anyway.

As Tala curled onto the floor, her ears could hear the soft whirring and vibrations of mechanical components and people walking and talking. She didn’t have many solid clues of how long since she’d been captured, a few months now at the very least.

It felt like a new lifetime. Eerily comfortable and constricted, Tala increasingly felt a weight settle on her chest with each new cold day she woke up to.

Tala looked down at her hands, inhibitors heavy on her wrists. How long has it been since she’s seen the skin underneath?

Why does she worry about these tawtutes, these bare acquaintances?

How much longer did she have to stay a toy for someone who obviously despised her?

Was there nothing she could do but wait for Eywa?

Tala sighed, she could feel her face heating up. Oh, she’s tried so hard not to think about any of this, she needed to compartmentalize it all, yet the moment she relaxed everything bubbled to the surface.

Not to mention everything with Neteyam. Especially after what had happened the week before, Tala wished desperately for his face to disappear from her thoughts. But it never did.

He was ruining her, though perhaps she was giving him too much credit. 

The Tawkami put her focus back on listening to the machines clicking and vibrating. It was calming, she could get lost in this rhythm, she just needed to calm down. It reminded her of water and rain, and she wished she could see it again–

“GET UP, NOW!”

Patty violently hauled Tala up by her shoulder and only then did she pay attention to all the other noises. Shouting, some screams of panic. Tala snapped to Dr. Hanson who was cursing and gathering materials left and right as Patty impatiently punched in codes for the lab doors to open.

“Wh-What’s-?”

“Flooding in Sector C. It’s been raining hell for fucking days, and something’s punctured the fort!” Dr. Hanson yelled and scrambled after them as Patty dragged her to run down. Rain?

The hallways were filled with scrambling scientists and some guards barking orders, soldiers quickly clearing out rooms. Tala passed by the opposing hallway that led to the prison. “Wait!” She hissed, pulling at Patty’s kuru. The soldier yowled and glared at her.

“What the fuck!”

“Orlek’an, my friend!! What about my friend?!” Tala shouted over her. Patty made a face and looked towards the prison.

“I’m sure the guards cleared her outta there, now let’s move!”

“We have to check! Those guards are skxawngs, they barely even remember to feed us!” The Tawkami girl seethed desperately. “Please, Patty!” She begged loudly over the alarm now blaring through the compound. The lights went out and Dr. Hanson screamed more curses. She could hear Patty curse loudly. Tala yelped when she felt liquid spilling onto the floor and it only made her cling tighter to the soldier to beseech her.

“Please!”

The emergency lights came back on, shining green. Patty glanced at Dr. Hanson, obviously as scared shitless as they all were, and then back at Tala. She cursed again and hit some buttons on her wrist tech and Tala’s hands were freed apart.

“I’ve deactivated the magnets on your cuffs, and I've allowed you full access to the floor. Just hit this code on the door and you can get your friend, follow the blinking lights for the exits. My priority is the safety of Dr. Hanson.” Patty explained quickly and Tala nodded.

“Wait, you can’t just let her go-”

“We’re getting you out of here, Lloyd, no questions!”

“Patty!” Tala yelled.

She turned to Tala.

“Thank you.”

Patty’s mouth was tight as she nodded and she picked up Dr. Hanson, bounding the other way.

Tala looked for only a second until she too was running fast, making large splashes with every leap, basically tearing her lab coat off. She was trying to take care not to slip, but the water level was rising surprisingly quickly.

The water was up to her shins when Tala arrived at the prison doors and punched in the code.

“Orlek’an!!”

“Tala?!” The Anurai woman screamed out, her hands raw from scratching at the cages. Tala sped to Orlek’an, seeing her clearly for the first time.

“How did you-”

“No time!” The younger quickly punched in the code for Orlek’an’s cage and she breathed out in relief when it blinked white and the metal doors opened.

For the first time, Tala looked at her Anurai cellmate fully and wholly, she was older than her, she had already known, and beautiful. Her eyes glowed amber and quickly the two women held each other tightly.

Tala let out a watery laugh, the Anurai woman was so much taller than her, and she smelled like yovo fruit and waterfalls.

“Here, quickly.” Orlek’an handed her a bundle of darts, and bandaids to hold the sharp and rough metal by. Tala almost hesitated but gripped the darts carefully. Much bigger than the needle Neteyam had confiscated, these ones were coated in the nonlethal poison Tala managed to create behind the scientists' backs.

She nodded, finally, it was time to enact something they’d been preparing for weeks together, just them two. 

“Let’s go now, young one!”

Orlek’an grabbed Tala’s hand and the two waded as quickly as possible away from the prison.

Tala strained her eyes between the dark and bright green, the lights blinking. She gestured for the Anurai to follow her and the two swam and paddled desperately.

This must be the disaster, the first one of Eywa’s Revenge. By Water.

They dove, a light at the end of the hall. When the women resurfaced at the exit, soldiers herded scientists and prisoners, scrambling all around in the chaos. 

The rain made it still so difficult to breathe but Great Mother…

Tala inhaled deeply, the rain and the seawater, the mist and the dirt.

Finally, she was outside.

But only just.

Orlek’an and Tala ran behind more facilities as they made their way to the docks, which was no small feat. Though the sea wall was massive and easy for them to locate, Bridgehead was even bigger and water sloshed all around, making it difficult for any one of them to gain footholds.

The force of the waves was enough to topple over the people in large exoskeleton-machine suits and every so often, Tala or Orlek’an would throw their paralyzing darts. The rain was on their side, never did a droplet deter a dart from its trajectory and each throw left a dreamwalker or tawtute soldier falling to the ground, stunned.

When they neared the sea wall, they were not the only ones. There were multiple prisoners, each had risked their escapes by the raging ocean than by attempting a crossing of the RDA’s Kill Zone.

Tala’s eyes blinked away heavy raindrops as they strained, she turned to Orlek’an. “Why way?!”

The older woman also searched until her eyes landed upon the edge of the seawall, implanted into a rocky cliffside next to the edge of the sea itself. The older na’vi gestured for Tala to follow her as they sprinted towards the edge, losing their footing as the waves that tumbled inside Bridgehead city only increased in violence.

Tala gasped, eyes locked onto a figure already on the sea wall.

“What is it?” Orlek’an shouted.

“It’s– It’s my friend, Anke’ti!”

There he was, already deep in the water and crashing with violent waves, trying to scale over the sea wall. Each time he got closer and closer to the edge, and each time his blue body was more and more visible against the cement.

Tala clasped Orlek’an’s shoulders.

“Go on! I need to help him!!” She shouted and then hugged Orlek’an tightly.

“Goodbye, my friend. Eywa be with you.” She whispered with all her heart. She could tell tears were streaming down her face already, despite the torrent of rain. Her first friend, her only friend here.

“Eywa be with you, Tala.” Orlek’an kissed her cheek and they looked at each other for what could be the last time.

Tala squeezed Orlek’an’s hand, tried to smile, then dashed past the woman. Eywa, she prayed, she prayed deeply for all her friends to survive and to see them again.

She ran breathlessly toward the closest edge of the sea gate, enclosed by natural hills and mountains. She started climbing, feet singing as they crunched on the wild grass underneath. It was wonderful, but she could not stop to admire it! She needed to go faster!

Tala kept her eyes on Anke’ti as she climbed, he was so close, so close to reaching the edge, and – yes! Anke’ti grabbed onto the edge of the sea wall and started climbing himself up. The strain of everything, his thin body shook in both the wind and exhaustion. He had already been experiencing the pressure of rain on his back for many days now, he looked so tired.

“ANKE!” She screamed and she could feel herself smile for that briefest moment when his tail raised, ears flicked. Anke’ti continued his struggle, continued pulling himself up.

Hope filled Tala’s heart, she just needed to see him off, follow him once she knew he was over—

A spot of black in her peripheral vision, a malicious shine through the torrential rain, a gun – NO! It was pointed right at him!

Tala changed her direction towards the soldier, trying to climb faster but it simply felt too long, she felt too slow, she wasn’t going to make it in time, the soldier started to squeeze the trigger and–

Tala prayed to Eywa with a scream.

.

.

tag list: @xylianasblog @itchaboi-itchyboy @hotdsworld @pandoraslxna @luvv4j4ybe11 @neteyamsyawntu @akoyaxs @whatevenisagrapefruit @teyamsatan @justcaptiannoodles @theblueflower05 @neteluvr @neteyamssyulang @plooto @hao-ming-8 @teyamsilly @vivid-ink @vampirefilmlover

#liar liar #avatar way of water #neteyam sully #fanart #fanfic #atwow neteyam #neteyam x oc #smut #doodle #recom neteyam #AU #rda neteyam #avatar 2

[theragethatisdesire]

random poly!erejean headcanons bc i said so ❤︎₊ ⊹

some of these are going to end up nsfw i'm sure so i'm going to put a cut at some point but i just love this little throuple and u guys need to know as much about them as me and @fictional-d-supremacy

it takes eren the longest to adjust to everything (to be fair, he went from "wait, a threesome would be fun...especially with jean!" to "why especially with jean?" to "wait...jean.")

so it's understandable that it takes eren a bit to understand his attraction towards jean and jean's towards him, both of them are hesitant and crossing that bridge of best friends -> unexpected relationship

but one day you come over unexpectedly to find them snuggled up on the couch together, eren tucked under one of jean's arms and your heart just melts - naturally they LEAP up when you catch them and are super pink and eyeing each other suspiciously

jean goes a little too long without a hair cut and eren (after some manhandling) drags him in front of you one day, both of their hair tied back in identical buns. "look babe, twins!"

going on a date night with the three of you is damn near impossible

jean and eren bicker constantly about the restaurant. jean wants to wear the same red button-down that eren's already got on and claims he's called dibs. eren wants to have sex but you're all already fifteen minutes late for the reservation

all that to say jean gets to show off his cooking abilities a lot considering how many dinner reservations you miss

it turns out jean is the only person that can dom eren. eren loves to talk shit to you, but jean can shut him right up. sometimes jean's in the mood to play good cop/bad cop (like we've seen in the fics), but other times, your sex life just goes in a cycle of jean pulling the strings and you and eren smiling up at him with hearts in your eyes

eren finds out that he loves giving head. neither you or jean can get out the door without eren trailing after you begging to "just give it a kiss goodbye"

jean teaches you how to help him make eren cum without anyone touching him (you didn't even know guys could do that, and neither did eren)

when it finally happens, eren's eyes are as big as saucers while jean and you just smirk at him

"what just happened?" "you came." "i-i- but, i know, but-" "i think we broke him."

birthdays are a HUGE deal

especially since two of you can gang up on whoever's the birthday princess (regardless of gender, the birthday boy/girl has to wear the "birthday princess" crown that eren got you for your birthday a few years ago)

you've come home on several instances to find the air in the apartment chilly and jean and eren not speaking only to find out one beat the other in a video game

even once they're comfortable and mushy and in love, jean and eren still insist on you sleeping in between them

1. "because you're our princess!" 2. "because jean snores." 3. "yeah? well eren kicks." you wind up both the body pillow and the punching bag for them

you and jean love to get eren all flustered by telling him how pretty he looks before you head out. little cheek/forehead kisses make him scowl and blush without fail.

alternatively, you and eren love to rile jean up by sending him nudes and nasty videos while he's at work. you both pay for it later, but it's so worth it.

i feel like they just pick you up 24/7? like they've absolutely swung you back and forth with one holding your arms and one holding your ankles just to piss you off while you're reading on the couch

when you get your period, the boys secretly call it your "monstruation" period. jean chastises eren for it all the time, but he's the one that slips up and clues you in on it

eren's in charge of snacks and movies to keep you comfortable, jean's in charge of medicine and keeping the tampon/pad drawer stocked

eren absolutely buys stupid "his/hers/his" things for the house like mugs and matching towels. denies being the one that bought them when they show up in the mail

"we must have a secret admirer- i mean, not like i blame them or anything. we're hot."

i have so many more i just didn't want this to be an absolute MONSTER of a post lol. like yes, is poly!erejean a smutty dream? sure, but the FLUFF potential!!! that's what gets me! i just love them <3

if you guys want more please tell me i will never shut up about them ever

#eren x reader #jean x reader #poly!erejean #erejean #eren jaeger x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #eren x jean x reader #poly dynamics #erejean uni

[madhatterbri]

New Deal | HOOK

Summary: Y/N's friend betrays her to the Senerchia family.

Author's Note: @99hook Thanks for everything, boo. When we finally meet, I won't throw your ass into the ocean. ❤️😂 When is that next part coming out?

Tag List: @plentyoffandoms @theworldofotps @multi-fandom-things730

Pure fiction ❤️

"They won't give us an extension, you know. The Senerchias. They said they've been too lenient with us and don't want people to think they are getting soft," your friend whispered from behind the counter that was once her family's restaurant. Almost everything was sold to try and pay off their debts, but they couldn't come up with the money.

"Why are you whispering?" You asked with the same soft tone. With no customers around, it wasn't like anyone could hear. She nodded towards a corner of the room. A camera was pointed at them. The look of fear in her eyes made you realize one thing. The Senerchias had the place bugged.

The Senerchias were known all throughout New York. They helped the community by giving out money to those who needed it. They expected to be paid back by the agreed upon deadline. What many didn't know was the extremes they would go to get paid back.

"I hear the boss is an ass, but maybe you could talk to his son. You went to school with him. Maybe things will be different," you spoke hopefully. You knew the answer the moment she frowned at you.

"Tyler was the one that told us they were coming sometime this week. He didn't seem too thrilled to see me, either. I guess he won't be coming to the high school reunion. I'm wondering if I'll even make it," she gulped.

A car's headlights shined through the windows. The lights turned off as soon as the car shut off. Your friend gulped yet smiled at you. She took out her phone from her pocket. Her mouth dropped open when an idea popped in her head.

"Do you mind letting them in? I just have to go out back and make a quick phone call to my uncle to let him know they are here," she spoke. "It'll take like a few seconds,"

You nodded, and your friend hugged you tightly. She told you thank you and slipped out the back door. Two men appeared at the front door. One was bald with a snake tattooed over his right ear. He was bigger than the other one and appeared to be the muscles of the group. The second man was balding. He seemed more like the talker of the two. Both men wore suits with gold chains. The man with the snake tattoo was shaking the handle impatiently to be let in.

"Coming!" You called out, trying to sound confident. Your legs felt like jello as you made your way towards the door. Nothing could be heard except for the loud pounding in your heart. You opened the door wide enough to let them in.

"Look at this, Enzo. This dude let his niece take the hit. That's some punk shit," the man with the snake tattoo scowled.

"No one wants to mess with the boss. Man probably hiding somewhere shaking like a leaf," Enzo chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not the niece. She stepped out back to call her uncle to let him know you were here," you informed them and pointed to the back door.

"Just go check it out, Cobra. Ty gave them clear instructions yesterday," Enzo shooed the other away. Cobra grumbled about how this better not be a trick as he walked towards the back.

He opened the wooden back door and stepped out. A blast of the cold night air filled the restaurant. Seconds ticked away. It felt like an eternity of waiting for the man to come back. When he did, your friend was nowhere to be found.

"Either you are making up the story or your friend crossed ya, which is it?" Cobra asked roughly and slammed the door behind him.

"I'm not lying. She said she was going to step out to call her uncle. I've been friends with her since middle school. I believed her," you whispered the last part. A sudden realization hit on how stupid that must sound to them. They probably didn't trust many people.

Cobra nodded towards Enzo at the front door. In one quick movement, the man grabbed your wrist tightly. The force made your teeth clench and hiss. You were sure he was going to leave a bruise.

"You are coming with us," Enzo instructed and led you towards the waiting car. A man sat in the driver seat, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel.

"I'm not the niece," you begged and tried to remove his grasp from your wrist.

"And my misses made roast tonight, and I ain't letting it get cold," Cobra announced and opened the back door while running to the other side. The man sat in the back seat. Your captor shoved you in the car before sitting next to you. You now sat between the two men involved in your kidnapping.

"We will make it easy for you," Cobra smiled and pulled out a gun. You gasped and looked at him with fear in your eyes. He placed the barrel to your head. "Play a stupid game, and you'll win a stupid prize, capiche?"

"And please don't do anything stupid," Enzo sighed and looked down at his suit. "These are quite expensive, and I'm banned in all of the dry cleaning shops in New York and New Jersey,"

Your mouth opened to speak, yet nothing came out. Tears quickly pooled in your eyes. You closed your eyes and nodded quickly.

"They get softer every year," Cobra grumbled and rolled his eyes.

The car ride was not as expected. The driver hummed a lively tune, much to the annoyance of the two men sitting with you. You tried to keep quiet. Mentally remembering anything and everything just in case you were able to escape.

The car ride ended by some old abandoned buildings. Broken glass littered the floor, and graffiti riddled the buildings. A limousine, clearly out of place given the area, was parked. The driver stopped the car and stepped out. He leaned against the car and started to smoke. Enzo was the next to vacate the vehicle. Cobra followed and dragged you out.

A tall man with brown hair stepped out of the waiting limousine. He wore a suit similar to the ones that the other men wore. A gold chain with a cross hung from his neck. He took a few steps towards them and crossed his arms. Something was clearly wrong.

"Here she is, Ty," Enzo announced. "Where do you want us to put her for that ransom video to uncle?"

Tyler moved as if looking around you to see someone else. He had a scowl on his face. A vein popped out to show his annoyance at his men. He wanted to send Anthony, Dante, and Darius for the job, but his dear old dad insisted these fools.

"This isn't the right girl," he spoke calmly, yet his words were drenched in anger. His nostrils flared. "I gave you a picture of the girl. Get rid of this one somewhere and get me the right one,"

Tyler started walking back to the limousine. He muttered under his breath about the incompetence of others.

"Done," Cobra shrugged and pulled out his gun. The barrel was once again pressed to your body. You felt the cold ring of the metal against your temple.

"Wait, wait, wait!" You begged and threw your hands up. "I'll help you get her,"

Tyler stopped and turned to look at you. He mulled your words over before entertaining your idea. Hell, you were even shocked that you would help them. Then again your friend deserved it.

"Pretty dangerous proposition you are making today. Making a deal with the mafia. Are you sure you are up for it?"

"She betrayed me. She and I hang out all the time. I can just come up with a lie," you assured him.

"Forget the girl. Give me the uncle, and I will let you live, deal?" He asked and reached out his hand to you. You stared at his hand briefly. You wondered how many lives it had taken before.

"Deal," you answered and shook his hand. For someone so rough they were surprisingly soft.

#fanfiction #aew fanfic #aew fanfiction #hook #hook aew #aew hook fanfic #aew hook #hook x y/n #hook x you #hook fanfiction #hook x reader

[traumabuddies]

"why are you limping?"

This kinda turned into "2 times Buck's limping because sex with Eddie was too good and 1 time he wishes it was the reason"

"Why are you limping?"

Damn it, Buck thinks, closing his eyes at Bobby's question and begging the heat not to crawl too high up his face. He thought he might have been able to hide it, but clearly the hitch in his step is much too obvious to miss.

Buck is just glad he's early and no one else from A shift is at the station yet, because he would have never heard the end of it.

Definitely would not have been able to fool them all.

"Nothing," he says, washing his hands to join Bobby in making lunch at the counter. They've learned that it's better to cook earlier when they have time and reheat the food later than waste time doing it when they might only have minutes to sit down for lunch.

Bobby gives him a skeptical look. "Are you sure? If you hurt yourself on your last shift, you have to tell me."

"Yeah, cap, I'm sure," Buck says, wracking his brain for an explanation. "I think I have a cramp or something, it'll pass."

"Alright, if you say so. Hand me the knife."

Bobby seems happy to let it go, and Buck thanks whatever higher power is out there as he does what he's told.

He does not want to tell his Captain that his boyfriend fucked him so good last night he can barely walk—no thank you, he'd rather die.

—

Walking from stand to stand at the food market is more fun than Buck remembers being, although it might be because the sun is out without it being so hot that he's gonna get sunburned.

And walking isn't the most comfortable thing to do today, but it's worth going through if it means watching Jee-Yun tug on her dad's hand to get to the strawberries quicker—she's been on a strawberry kick lately, or so her parents have said.

Speaking of which, Maddie waits for Jee and Chim to be further along before stopping him with a hand on his wrist and frowning at him.

"Okay, why are you limping?"

Oh, god, no, not again. It was one thing for Bobby to ask last time, in a professional environment where Buck could guess he wouldn't push.

It's another thing for his sister to notice, because she does like to push when she's concerned, and Buck is also never able to lie to her.

"Well, uh," he says, balancing from one foot to the other. He regrets it immediately, hissing as pain flairs up his ass. The worst aprt is, he likes it. He's going to hell. "It's nothing, I think I, uh—twisted my ankle."

"Your ankle, Buck? Seriously?" she deadpans. "If you'd twisted your ankle, you'd have texted me about it to complaining about how stupid it is."

"No, I wouldn't, because I wouldn't want you fussing."

"But you're admitting that's not what it is?"

Shit. Her cocked eyebrow is incredibly annoying.

He huffs, feels his neck grow uncomfortably hot. "Come on, Maddie, can't you just let it go—"

"Evan," she gasps silently, her eyes going wide with the laughter she lets out a second later. Buck freezes. "I should have figured, the last time I was limping like this was when Chimn and I stayed at this hotel and—"

"Ew, Maddie, gross," Buck says, swatting her hand away.

He likes to hear her laugh, always, but she's being a complete menace right now, which isn't fair. He thought that was his job.

"Fine, fine, but you didn't deny it," she says, grinning up at him.

He rolls his eyes, but he once again finds himself victim to his inability to lie to her. "Yeah, well, maybe you're right, okay? But can we stop talking about it, please?" he begs through gritted teeth.

He's not mad, or annoyed, but honestly? Kind of embarrassed.

But Maddie just lights up even more. "Why, you deserve some good things! I should send a gift basket to whoever treated you so well."

It's his time to grin at her. "Well, you know Eddie's address."

He pats her shoulder, watches in real time as her brain short-circuits with that information, and then walks away to join his niece.

"Wait, Eddie?"

—

The door to his apartment opens and Buck definitely doesn't startle, because he was expecting it.

He just kind of, maybe, forgot that Eddie was coming over this early, and so he jumps where he's sitting on the couch, causing what feels like every muscle in his body to lock up.

"Hey, babe," Eddie says with a blinding smile when he finally comes into view in the kitchen, where he's laying out the take out food he promised he'd come with.

"Hey," Buck says, hissing as he gets up. The pain in his lower back and tail-bone is just as bad as it was thirty minutes ago, shooting up his spine with every step.

He must not be able to hide it, or maybe he's not imagining the faces he's pulling, because Eddie is at his side in a second, concern swimming in his eyes and painting his hovering hands.

"Buck, you okay? Why are you limping?"

Buck can't help the laugh that bubbles out of him, although it's cut short when he takes a last step towards Eddie to kiss his lips with a small peck.

"What's so funny?" Eddie asks, looking at him like he's crazy—he probably is.

"Nothing, it's just that usually when people ask me that it's because you've pounded me into the mattress like you were hoping I wouldn't be able to walk," he says.

He's rewarded with Eddie's rosy cheeks, the ones that only appear when Buck is being overtly flirty or raunchy with his words. He doesn't hdie anymore the way he did at the beginning, but his cheeks? They still flush, and it's always the most enjoyable sight.

And then Eddie frowns, checking Buck over.

"Wait, I know I didn't pound you into anything last night, so unless you got a little crazy with toys, what happened?"

With a grown, Buck lets himself fall into his boyfriend, hiding his face in his neck. "Fell down the stairs," he mumbles, hoping to distract Eddie with a press of his lips.

It doesn't work. Instead, Eddie lets out a soft, sudden laugh, but his hands on his lower back are soothing, like he knows exactly where it hurts. "And how did you manage that?"

"I don't know, I was going a little fast, I guess."

"So you were running. Down the stairs, like a child?"

"Leave me alone, I'm in pain."

"Enough to go to the hospital?"

"No," Buck says quickly, wrapping his arms around Eddie.

Eddie hums. "Well then, I get to scold you for being an idiot."

Every one of Eddie's words is lace with the kind of fondness reserved for him and Christopher, something soft and caring, that says, I'm here for you.

"But I'm your idiot," Buck says.

Eddie sighs, and kisses the crown of his head in the same breath. "Of course you are."

send me prompts!

#ask #prompts #911 #buddie #911 fic #lex.writing

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

You know what, fuck it: Baldur's Gate 3 Thoughts.

(The world is so so bad right now, can't even name all the bad things, so fuck it, no more bad feels, just some nice garbage right now)

I really love that the big 3 pairings all kinda arrive together:

Lae'zel and Shadowheart are already trapped on the ship together, like they are both trapped by their beliefs. They both know more about what's happening than anyone else and are also perhaps the most frightened.

Astarion and Gale show up stuck and as potential bait. They're both concealing some pretty big problems. The only way to succeed with them is to trust them despite this. And they both badly need to bond with others so they can survive their ordeals.

Karlach and Wyll actually already have a relationship, just one founded on misunderstanding. They can each empathize with each other in ways the others can't and adjust quickly to thinking of a previous adversary as a friend. They both have so much going on that when they arrive on the Sword Coast, they just resettle into business as usual. They've both been misused by those with control over them and seek to break that control, even if that doesn't fix everything, even if it means more loss.

They're all good ships, I love them. And all the other combos are good too, there are no bad options here, but I'm a bit of a sucker for these. Honestly, really appreciate having an entire party of bisexuals. I love that so much <3

Gale and I are the same person ha ha ha FUCK

I do have fic ideas, potentially for Gale & Astarion and Lae'zel & Shadowheart (spoilers below)

Like, I actually have a lot of feelings about Shadowheart being a complete dick to Lae'zel while she goes through a crisis of faith, only to eat pigeon pie later when she gets a crisis of her own.

And I'm obsessed with the idea of Lae'zel learning how to be comforting as she watches Shadowheart crumble apart, as she loses all sense of identity. Because at least Lae'zel has that. Lae'zel lost a lot in parting from Vlaakith, but she didn't lose who she was. Indeed, she left in defense of who she was, in defense of what she knew to be right. Shadowheart doesn't even have that. And it's a wild thing that comes over you, to feel like you've fucked up and lost and to find someone you can actually help. I think it would be a really cool and beautiful thing to see, Lae'zel helping Shadowheart find the pieces of herself. That would just be really, really good.

And then there's Problematic Old Man Yaoi over here

Maybe what I love best about Gale and Astarion is how much fucking WOULD NOT solve it

Like, some people just need to fuck it out and then it's all good, you fixed the issue

And 100% fucking would not solve their shit. Like, it would help, or it certainly wouldn't not help. But it'd only help like... max 20% The rest has to be solved by Talking, Using Your Words, Talking To Other People No Not The Imaginary Conversations, and Admitting When You're Wrong.

I also love that this is true no matter where you think they get together.

Like, let's take Act I: I cannot IMAGINE how Astarion could talk Gale into bed that early. Gale "Never Nude" Dekarios who's never had a crush on anyone who wasn't Mystra. He'd be shaking and fumbling just trying to ask Astarion on a date. And Mr. Emotionally Available over here, who is not ready to be vulnerable in any sense, who uses sex as a crutch because it's so familiar and so easy to dissociate from... yikes, what a combo. Poor Gale would be sent reeling by the hot-cold of it, he'd act insane those first few days after sex as he tries to make sense of how Astarion said yes to everything, but didn't mean it, but also he did? So should he pursue that or leave it be? Is the best choice to let Astarion thaw in his own good time or obsessively work on cracking this because Astarion clearly needs help and just doesn't want to ask for it? Stupid question, OBVIOUSLY the second! I... instant explosion. God, it would go so bad. Honestly, the good version is Gale resists the invitations and instead Astarion sulks for a few days over his blue balls or just fucks someone else, thus giving Gale a new case of mixed signals to obsess over. Jesus, we're just never going to escape that are we? Wizards gotta fixate.

Act II: In which Astarion chooses to ignore his own problems by instead arguing with Gale about his. Not because he's invested, merely because Gale is clearly being an idiot. Gale at first demurs, refusing to be argued out of his guilt, but then when Astarion becomes more insistent, counters with why Astarion cares so much? This would inevitably erupt in some kind of sexual encounter, but the fighting wouldn't stop because despite getting laid, Gale is still sure he's right and Astarion is still sure he's right. Dick actually can't solve this today. The camp mournful of ever finding a solution, they would like to sleep peacefully again someday.

Act III: Make or break time. Both Gale and Astarion escalate as the threat of death or destruction looms ever nearer. Gale now just as dead set on stopping Astarion from destroying himself as Astarion is on stopping Gale from destroying himself. Same threat, very different outcomes. Gale keeps looking at him with those damn puppy eyes and whining about "he'll regret it instantly" and "hate who he becomes" and "I can't stand to see that happen to you" or whatever. Obnoxious. And Astarion keeps trying to convince him that Mystra was wrong, that she "manipulated and groomed" him and "didn't even give an explanation" which he's owed, or some such nonsense. As if an inhuman, all-powerful goddess was out of line for being afraid of mortal actions... wait, was that a logical inconsistency? Damn. I think Gale would convince Astarion first. I think deep down Astarion would hate to be a full vampire too much, I think they both know it, and when Gale promises to stand by him, to take care of him, to always protect him... As much as Astarion doesn't want to trust, knows he's a fool for trusting, he agrees. He won't do it. He won't take the power. Because, damn him, he believes Gale. And what would suck is Gale would go "Cool! I'mma become a god, I can protect you way better then!" like entirely missing the point. And Astarion would be galled, deservedly so, by the hypocrisy. But Gale's so caught up in how sure he's right and how sure he's wrong, he's not even listening. I think it'd piss Astarion off so much, he'd convince the whole camp to kidnap Gale so he can't go sacrifice himself, full "He won't get the chance to kill himself because I'll do it first!" Until we finally get to the Nether Brain and... Astarion lets him go. Because that's the point. Trust isn't real if there isn't a choice. And as much as he hates the fact that Gale might choose what he doesn't want, he has to let him do it on his own. And I think that'd finally break through. That simple act of trust and sacrifice and playing willing to lose would finally make Gale go "Oh... oh god, what was I thinking? This isn't right." The fact that Astarion loves him more for the flawed and fallible person he is than for the heartless god he could become... That would finally make Gale see, Mystra was wrong all along and she never loved you because she can't really love. Not like that. Yeah. That's a personal favorite of mine.

But there's also a lot to be said for post-end, Astarion with nowhere to go and Gale going "You know... I've heard of spells that allow creatures form the Underdark to safely experience sunlight. We could try some of those, I don't see why they shouldn't work on you." and Astarion being floored and not even having the words for everything he feels at that offer. And then the raw sexual tension of living in his tower together as "friends" as Astarion mercilessly pines and Gale blissfully carries on, unaware until Tara finally goes "That's it! I can't take it any more! I'm going to live with your mother until you two sort this out!" and flies off. Leaving Gale to go "Huh... wonder what she meant by that?" Meanwhile, Astarion can hardly stand to be in the same room with Gale because he ends up basically drooling and yet, he can hardly stay away, staring obsessively from the shadows, creeping around wherever he is, looking exactly like the jealous lover he longs to be. Also, Astarion and Gale's mother! Oh, I can't wait! Too funny!

Oh, tower days with Astarion would be so good as he tries to adjust to having a life again. A slow, painful process, but very deserved. He'd need an occupation, he can't have nothing to do. Maybe he can look into magistrating again?

Anyway, there's some thoughts. I haven't finished Act III yet, but I'm close so I guess careful with those Act III spoilers.

Also, for anyone still reading, if you want to do me a solid: There exists somewhere a Bloodweave fic where Astarion walks in on Gale with a construct of himself only there's a twist... and the author is Very Correct about this twist. if you know, you know. But I can't find this fic anywhere! Please help a girl out if you've read the one I'm thinking of.

#bg3 #Baldur's Gate 3 #Bloodweave #some thoughts for y'all

[beanghostprincess]

I hc Sanji as being afraid of the dark bc of his trauma too.

I know Mosshead wouldn't tease him about it if he knew the reason behind it, but do you think he ever teased him about it BEFORE finding out why he's scared?

Yeah, obviously. I think Sanji would not talk about it explicitly but he'd try to make up excuses for them to just keep a light on or for him to sleep in the kitchen instead of the boys' quarters. And it's quite obvious that he doesn't like the dark much (that's how he says it but actually he's extremely scared of it and often has nightmares/panic attacks when it's too dark and quiet) so Zoro makes fun of it. I mean- To Zoro it's such a ridiculous fear to have and I'm pretty sure he'd make fun of that. Sanji would fight back but he wouldn't show (at least the first times they fight for this) that he's actually hurt by that. I think one day, for random reasons, Sanji has to deal with being locked in a dark place, and he has the worst time of his life. Maybe it's a bet or some shit like that and because Sanji is too proud he doesn't say no to Zoro, and he's scared but he doesn't want mosshead to know he's afraid. Yadda yadda. Things go terribly wrong and after they've taken care of a very shaken up and anxious Sanji, Zoro says he's a fucking moron and that he should've said this earlier, but of course, Sanji is like "yeah, and have you laughing at me again? No, thank you, I already have enough with this, marimo". Zoro would genuinely feel bad but he knows that no matter how many times he apologizes, Sanji is just going to blame himself. So Zoro throws some poetic bullshit like "fear isn't something to be ashamed of. And you have to fight against it every day, don't be so stupid and stop blaming yourself for shit like this" (poetic more or less, kind of). And they'd just understand each other then.

Also, to make it romantic because I am like this always: Sanji doesn't like sleeping in the kitchen either because it's uncomfortable and lonely and Zoro knows, so he just kind of forces Sanji to stop being so proud and sleep with him if that will make him feel safer. And Sanji is like "??????? no, no. What the fuck are you saying now, mosshead??? The only people I'm sleeping with are pretty girls-" / "You fucking wish. Why does it have to mean anything, anyway? You're so dramatic" and Zoro ends up holding Sanji like a big pillow so he doesn't escape and turns out that's, like, the best sleep he's ever had. It's either that or Zoro sleeps in the kitchen too with him without giving any sort of explanation and Sanji (<- idiot with a crush he won't accept) is literally dying.

#bean posting zosan??? earth shattering #the world is crumbling down #i barely talk about them this happens like once a month #but yeah sanji is afraid of the dark (he's just like me fr me too) #and zoro is tired of this guy dealing with everything on his own #and also he kind of still feels bad for making him go through a bad time #one piece #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #zosan

[jemjams02]

Specifically asking for Mammon and Asmo cause they're my faves, but could you write some headcanons as to what they're like as a duo, both interacting with each other (in a platoic way of course) and MC?

They're my favorite dynamic in the game tbh hehe

Mammon and Asmo are definitely MC's number 1 party duo, if MC wants to go out, you're calling them. Not only does MC trust them to keep you safe out there in the demon clubs (there's some sketchy mfs at those places), but they LOVE taking MC out dancing!!

I personally think Mammon and Asmo also spend lots of time together, they both have similar interests in fashion, modeling and social media (although social media is mostly Asmo). Once MC came along, they wanted to doll them up! Although they have very different aesthetics, and often would fight over whether they'd look best in the Legally Blonde-pink outfit, or the leather jacket, ripped jeans and combat boots (Mammon usually caves first, mostly cause he thinks the pink outfit is cute too)

Mammon's the only one really allowed to be in the room when Asmo is having a pampering session with MC, since he's a model he understands Asmo's views on skincare and relaxation, and sometimes the three of them have massage circles while they talk shit.

I feel like aside from Mammon's habit of taking things from Asmo, they don't butt heads very often. Sure, Asmo makes the same comments his brothers do, but to him his brother is mostly just a dumbass. Usually they'll agree on things, unless Mammon says something profoundly stupid, then Asmo has some words to say

Mammon's one of the brothers who actually appreciates the manicures, whereas everyone else kinda just lets him do it. Mammon likes his nails painted, but sucks at doing it himself, so Asmo does it for him!

Asmo 100% goes to Mammon's shoots to make sure they're not doing his big brother wrong! He's NOT letting those people put Mammon in anything he deems ugly

Shopping. They love shopping. It's a hassle to get them out of the shops once they've gotten into it!

Mammon is willing to thrift, and Asmo is only going so he doesn't get anything ugly lol

Mammon has definitely just not said anything to anyone when Asmo comes home late with a demon that managed to strike his fancy; they usually make knowing eye contact with each other and then never speak of it

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me! #mammon obey me #obey me swd #obey me headcannons #obey me brothers #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me fandom #shall we date obey me #obey me hc #obey me headcanons

[neonghostlights]

A Wasted Years Valentines Day Special

Requested by the sweet @mopeymopeymouse, who wanted some fluff and I promise there is some but there's just a small bit of hurt. ILY.

Series Summary: It’s the ‘90s in LA and you and your best friend Eddie have both made it big. The following is a series of Interviews, News Reports and One Shots showing you and Eddie’s story throughout the years.

Chapter Summary: It's the eighth grade valentines day dance.

Warnings: This is a flashback, Little bit of angst, Fluff, Eddie being a little shit and sweet, you might see some slight similarities between this one and the prom chapter because obviously they've been in love for their whole lives okay bye, 18+ only for ALL of my writing.

Word count: 1k

Series Masterlist

Chapter Thirteen: Be My Almost Valentine

Eighth Grade Valentine’s Day Dance 

It had been a bad day. 

Valentine’s Day had always been your favorite since you were little. You had always loved the exchanging of valentines and candy. Loved going home with a bag full of goodies from your classmates. 

For a day you felt like the whole world loved you.

But it seemed that tradition stopped once everyone decided middle schoolers were too old for that kind of fun, and that the holiday itself was childish. 

But you still had high hopes, dreaming of the way this night would be perfect since you learned about this dance a little over a month ago. 

You had naively thought that if you put on this pretty dress then maybe one of the popular boys would ask you to dance and admit their undying love for you, maybe they would ask you to be their valentine. 

You sat in a corner of the gym, in a metal folding chair all alone. A cup of juice and a heart shaped cookie sat in the empty chair beside you, the same place it had been for the past few hours since you had wandered over to this corner alone, when you realized that no one here was your friend. 

Your one friend was home and he thought that this holiday and school dances were stupid. 

You played with the edges of the frilly red dress as you stared down at your shiny black flats that were usually reserved for funerals that your grandma had dressed you in before dropping you off at the middle school and making you promise you would try to have a good time. 

But you weren’t having a good time. 

The lights were clicking on and the teachers were ushering kids outside to go meet their parents. 

Blinking a few times, your eyes focused on the half deflated red heart balloons in the opposite corner of you. 

You stood up, smoothing down the back of your dress as you made your way outside, tightening your sweater over your arms as the February night air hit you harder than expected. 

You stomped to where your grandma was parked and sat in the car ungracefully, parts of your dress were now wrinkled and you felt bad knowing that your grandma had worked hard to buy it so you did your best to straighten it out. 

The sound of your giggling and happy classmates were cut off as you slammed the door shut. 

You bit your lip as it started to wobble and you avoided looking at your grandma. You didn’t know what it was about your grandma that made you want to fall apart and spill your secrets when you saw her. Eddie always said you couldn’t keep a secret from her to save your life. 

“What’s wrong, sugar?” Your grandma asked, concerned as she flicked her cigarette out the window and rolled it up before pulling out the school parking lot. 

“Nothin…” You mumbled, facing the window and watching the trees and other cars whirl past. 

She hummed along to the country song on the radio but didn’t ask anymore questions as she pulled into the trailer park. 

You pushed the car door open and pulled yourself out of the seat as soon as the car stopped, ready to get out of this itchy dress and throw yourself on your bed. Hopefully you’d be able to make it all the way inside before your grandma could see there was a run in your tights. 

But there was something-someone, sitting on the wooden steps leading up to your trailer. 

You felt self conscious. You knew he probably thought your dress was ugly or that you were stupid for going to the dance. 

But Eddie took a deep breath and said, “You look so pretty.” 

You hid your face in your shoulder as you sat down beside him and your grandma made a mumbled excuse about having to get something from Wayne’s. 

You knew the both of them would probably be watching out the blinds at you and Eddie. 

You pretended like the compliment didn't make your tummy erupt with butterflies. It wasn't weird for Eddie to compliment you, not weird at all.

“How was the dance?” He asked you when you said nothing. 

“Good, really good. I danced with a boy and everything.” 

It was a lie. A big fat lie that you felt guilty about the second you said it but you couldn’t help but want to see his reaction as you peeked up under his lashes at him. 

“Oh yeah? Who?” Eddie asked with a little smirk. 

“He’s new. You wouldn’t know him,” you lied again with a shrug like Hawkins High wasn’t extremely small, like the arrival of a new student wouldn’t be major news that all across the town would know about. 

“Mhm,” Eddie hummed, reaching behind his back. “Then I guess you wouldn’t like these.” 

He displayed a little box of heart shaped chocolates with a cute little picture of a teddy bear on the front. In his other hand was a small bundle of red flowers, some of the petals were squashed and dead like they might have been the last ones on sale at the supermarket today but you loved them anyways. 

“Eddie,” you gasped, gently taking them out of his hands. “Why?” 

He just shrugged, not looking at you anymore as he stared across the lot towards his own trailer, like he might make a run for it. 

You threw your arms around his shoulder, smelling the cheap cologne that he must have just sprayed on himself before coming out here. Before you could think about it, and especially before he could run away, you pressed a quick peck to his cheek before hiding your face into the shoulder of his jacket. 

You missed the blush that spread up his cheek and ears. 

“You’re the bestest friend a girl could ask for, Eddie Munson.”

#rockstar!eddiemunson x actress!reader #rockstar!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie munson x reader #rockstar!eddie x reader #eddie munson x fem! reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson au #eddie munson series #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson sereis #eddie munson #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff

[axplne]

That look on his face (SKK and SSKK Oneshot)

Atsushi shook his head. "I just don't get it," he murmured to Akutagawa next to him. "How is he so stoic? No reactions whatsoever... he's like a pretty porcelain doll..."

Akutagawa glared at him. "Don't describe Chuuya-san in such a demeaning manner, Jinko. You are nothing but dirt on his shoe."

"You're dirt on my shoe."

"You don't even own shoes."

"I do own shoes!"

"Ah, what's going on here my dear and lovely subordinate and my..." Dazai hesitated as he looked at Akutagawa, "my less dear and lovely subordinate. What are you two arguing about now?"

Akutagawa rolled his eyes. "Jinko is insulting Chuuya-san."

Gaping, Atsushi hit Akutagawa's arm. "I was not insulting him!" He turned to Dazai with pleading eyes. "I was not insulting him, I swear!"

"Oh really?" Dazai raised his eyebrow. "What were you saying then, Atsushi-kun?"

"I was just saying that it's impressive how well schooled his expressions are. This meeting has been bombshell after bombshell and I have not seen his expression change once," Atsushi explained.

Dazai laughed. "Ah, Atsushi-kun, that's where you're wrong. That little slug is terrible at controlling his facial expressions." He grimaced. "It's disgusting really, how... open he is with his emotions."

"Really?" Even Akutagawa was disbelieving as they looked over to where Chuuya was conversing with a couple of Port Mafia subordinates.

Atsushi nodded slowly. "So what does that facial expression mean?"

"Oh that one's easy,' Dazai said dismissively. "That is his I'm-so-bored-I-wish-I-was-anywhere-else-right-now expression."

"I wish I was anywhere else right now," Akutagawa grumbled.

'Ah-ha! See that? It's changing!"

Atsushi narrowed his eyes but failed to see the changing expression on Chuuya's ever pleasant but impassive face. "It looks the same to me."

Dazai tutted. 'No, no, no, Atsushi-kun. Now he's thinking oh-god-I-wasn't-paying-attention-and-now-they've-asked-me-a-question-I-don't-know-the-answer-to-this-shit-shit-shit expression."

"Uh-huh..." Atsushi watched as Chuuya turned and met Dazai's eye. "And what's his expression now?"

Although Atsushi may have no skill in reading Chuuya's facial expressions, he had become rather familiar with Dazai's and could see how his mentor's smile softened and eyes brightened as he met the gaze of his former partner.

"That's his I-smell-someone-talking-shit expression," Dazai's smile widened, "and that's his you-better-not-be-talking-about-me-Dazai. And now he's doing his whole I-will-gut-you-like-the-fish-you-are. He's so stupid."

Then something changed. Though his face, in Atsushi's eyes, remained the same, Chuuya cocked his head and the impact on Dazai was instantaneous. A light blush dusted his cheeks and the smile on his face became blinding.

"I've just got to..." Dazai pointed vaguely somewhere else. "I've got to... Kunikida is probably having too much of a good time so I'm gonna... goodbye."

Dazai scurried off to some corner and Chuuya returned to his conversation as if nothing had happened.

"Huh." Frowning, Atsushi turned to Akutagawa. "What do you think that last expression meant then?"

Akutagawa scowled. "Are you stupid, Jinko? Even I could tell what that was."

"What was it then?"

"That was his I-am-so-in-love-with-you-and-can't-wait-to-share-forever-with-you." Sighing, Akutagawa began to walk away. "It's disgusting."

"Oh." Atsushi watched the small glances Dazai and Chuuya shared from their different spots across the room. Though apart, their minds were never off each other. "That's sweet." He hurried after Akutagawa. "And I know you think that too."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. I may not be able to understand Chuuya-san, but I know you," Atsushi insisted.

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"I do."

"You don't."

"Do."

"Don't."

There was a pause.

"Do."

"For the love of God, Jinko I will rip you to shreds where you stand!"

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd atsushi #atsushi nakajima #bsd skk #skk #skk fanfic #soukoku #bsd sskk #sskk #shin soukoku #sskk fanfic

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I have a fluffy idea for once! No prompts from the list, just brain thoughts:

Adam has been staying in the hotel for a few months, very reluctant to participate at first, but slowly warming up to it. Him and Lucifer had a long conversation about Eden at some point, and since then they've gotten increasingly domestic with each other. While they're not openly in a relationship, they'll sleep in the same bed, have movie nights together, cook together, and be generally affectionate. They try to be subtle about it, but Husk and Angel both picked up on it rather quickly, choosing to keep it between the two of them that they knew.

Cut to the moment: Charlie set up a bonding activity for hotel residents! Ballroom dancing, to build teamwork, trust, and coordination. They switch partners a few times, but of course Luci and Adam end up together eventually. The two of them, having both been important figures in heaven at some point, definitely have ballroom dancing experience, and it shows when they dance with each other. Once the music reaches its end, they're so caught up in each other that they end it with a kiss... in front of everyone. Ensue dramatic reveals, probably some flustered Adam, Charlie being baffled, momentarily angry, and then just really enthusiastic. Them finally getting to be saccharinely domestic with others present :))

Feel free to do with that what you will, I just wanted some domestic fluff <3

Indigo (aroace, lonely, and coping through fictional ships)

AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!!! IT'S SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE! LOL

At first Adam was only at the hotel for salvation, to not be murdered a million times over by blood thirsty sinners who wanted revenge.

He tolerated Charlie and her stupid exercises, he was present for them but never really participated. Until one day he said to Hell with it and gave one of them a try. It wasn't bad, but still dumb in his opinion.

At some point he had befriended the porn star Angel Dust and by proxy his boyfriend Husk. Turns out they had a lot more in common than Adam originally thought. They would go out drinking and shoot the shit, it was nice to have friends.

Lucifer was an issue in and of himself. He sold his soul to the guy in exchange for protection and it had been awkward being around him in the beginning.

It's been six months now and Lucifer said he wanted to talk to him. Adam has thought he was in trouble for something he might have done.

But no. The king wanted to talk about Eden. REALLY talk about Eden. He even apologized for his role for the downfall of the garden. They sat on Lucifer's bed talking for hours about Eden, the good and the bad. When he even apologized about taking Lilith, Adam told him not to worry about it. It took him leaving the garden to realize she wasn't his type.

They talked so long they fell asleep. That was the first time they shared a bed and from then on, it felt weird NOT to. So they just shared a bed, it just kind of happened.

Adam remembers the first time they cooked together, it was breakfast with the works. That's kind of how he found out he is shit at cooking. So instead he would hand Lucifer the ingredients and the King would cook the food. He remembers when Lucifer placed his hands on his hips to sneak by and how the touch made Adams heart race.

Adam and Lucifer shared lingering touches that lasted a moment or two too long. How their eyes would lock and they would share gentle smiles when they thought no one was looking.

Angel and Husk saw all of this but didn't say a word. The couple would go public when they were ready.

One thing Adam could make was microwave popcorn. Which him and Lucifer shared as they watched horror movies, snuggled up on the couch, sharing a blanket with their fingers laced together underneath. Adam's head would rest in the crook of Lucifer's shoulder. Sometimes Adam would fall asleep and wake up in their bed.

They weren't exclusive with a defined label, but what they did have was nice.

Today, Charlie wanted to do a new trust exercise. "We'll be doing ballroom dancing! It's a great way to build trust and have fun at the same time. Now, everyone grab a partner. We'll trade off every now and then."

"Piece of cake." Adam said, he had lots of dancing experience from being in heaven. What he didn't expect was to be teamed up with Alastor first. "Keep your fucking hands where I can see them, asshole."

"Trust me, I don't want to touch you any more than you want me touching you." The music started and they began dancing. Adam saw Alastors eyes look over his shoulder, that's when the radio demon brought him in closer. His hand on Adams waist, the fallen angel thought he might be sick. "But if it pisses him off, I suppose I can suck it up."

Adam creased his brow and looked over his shoulder behind him. If looks could kill, Lucifer would have had the deer demon explode into chuck sized pieces. His face softened when he saw Adam looking at him.

"Switch!" Charlie called out.

Now Adam was dancing with Vaggie, much better than that freak. They didn't speak the whole time, which was fine.

"Switch!"

This time, finally Adam was pulled into Lucifer's arms. He smiled at him as they swayed together in perfect harmony, the music moving them. "Hey."

"Hey, did that asshole hurt you?"

Adam snorted. "No, that was just to piss you off." He felt Lucifers arm tighten around his waist bringing him closer. "But if I said yes, would you beat that fucker up?"

"I'd do it just because he touched you." Lucifer meant it, he didn't need a real reason to go deer hunting, but if that fucker laid a hand on Adam he'd kill him.

Adam felt his heart flutter, butterflies danced in his stomach. "I feel so special."

Lucifer twirled Adam outward and pulled him back in. "You are special. To me especially."

They stared into each other's eyes, Adam could get lost there forever. It's like nothing else existed but them. The music stopped but they didn't let go of one another. Adam and Lucifer kept eye contact a few moments more before Adam felt a hand in his hair, with half lidded eyes he looked at Lucifer's lips as he looked at Adam's. The hand in his hair guided him closer until their lips met in a tender kiss.

Adam opened his mouth when Lucifer's tongue licked at his lips asking for entrance and deepening the kiss. Adam sighed softly as the hand in his hair grazed the base of his horns, his own hands clung to Lucifer's shoulders holding him close.

"Dad what the fuck!?"

Adam and Lucifer pulled apart like they had been burned. Oh no! Everyone fucking saw them makeout like a couple of teenagers. They shared looks of shock. They never slipped up like this. They turned to see everyone looking at them with varying degrees of emotions.

"I fucking called it." Angel said looking smug, Husk handed him a twenty.

Adam felt like his face was on fire, embarrassment starting to set in. He was getting uncomfortable with everyone looking at him like a fucking zoo exhibit.

"Charlie I can explain." Lucifer started.

"Explain what? That you've been seeing Adam behind my back and didn't tell me? Cause that was a very passionate kiss."

Adam wanted to die a third time. He put his face in his hands. He was sure all the blood in his body was in his face. "God dammit." He swore under his breath.

"Charlie, dear. Don't be mad, I didn't want to say anything to you until I was sure how I felt."

"How do you feel?" She asked.

Lucifer removed one of Adams hands from his face, Adam looked at him and swore he melted at how gentle that look was. "I, I care a lot about him. Adam makes me happy in a way I haven't felt in a long time."

Adam felt the same way. "So do I." It came out just above a whisper, just for Lucifer to hear. His smile was so wide it hurt his face.

Charlie looked at them and her temper simmered away into nothing. Oh. "I'm glad you're happy dad. I just wish this wasn't how I found out about you guys."

"I'm sorry Char, we kinda, got lost in the moment."

"Like right now?" Angel chimed in. "For the record, you guys dance amazing together. I can only imagine what it looks like when you fu- ow! Husk!"

Husk had pinched him. "No one wants that mental picture."

"Are you mad?" Adam finally asked.

Charlie sighed. "All I want is for my dad to be happy. If that's with you, then so be it. Just don't hurt each other." That would be one hell of a break up.

"Thank you, Charlie." Lucifer said. He pulled Adam back in for another kiss, this one sweet and soft. Adam's heart raced and thrummed with joy.

"Get a room you two!" Angel yelled.

That they could definitely do.

#adamsapple #lucifer x adam #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #ask

[scientia-rex]

Medicine is a numbers game. I use probability all the time. If you don't understand probability, you'll look at someone with chest pain and have no fucking clue how likely it is that you're looking at a heart attack. You may not even know what the other top contenders are. GERD is common. Anxiety. An angry rib muscle. Lots of options. Most of the time, most chest pain won't be a heart attack, but sometime it'll be something worse--an aortic dissection that's rupturing will kill you even faster than most heart attacks.

I see so many patients who come in with a symptom that the Internet, whether Google or influencers, has told them is associated with this one thing. It's often the thyroid. And yeah! A fucked-up thyroid can cause all kinds of symptoms. But here's the deal: if I check your thyroid and it looks normal, it's probably not your thyroid that's causing the symptoms. It could be something else we understand. It is very often something we don't understand. But the fact that I can tell you modern medicine doesn't understand some process doesn't mean your naturopath or chiropractor or Certified Hormone Expert Influencer does understand it because they have this different way of looking at the body. Look, long, long before I wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to be an herbalist. I'm queer, I'm a woman(ish), I am neurodivergent, I am not The Man. I'm not beholden to the system; the system doesn't care for me and wishes I would sit down and shut up, most days. And I have a background in research science and statistics. I used to have a rubber stamp that said "Denied" and one that said "Approved" and I'd hit piles of paper for research applications at an R-1 university, in triplicate, with my stamps, because I understood research well enough to get a Human Subjects Division job evaluating it. If a naturopathic approach to thyroid worked well, I would be doing it. I'm a utilitarian. I don't give a rat's ass about the theoretical underpinnings of modern medical practice, I want things to work. Ideally I would like to know why they work, too, but hey, we can't always have it all.

So the dozens of patients I get every month who are looking elsewhere for answers, looking to people who don't actually know any better but are good at pretending they do, who pay money for elaborate supplement regimens or unvalidated genetic tests or (my personal least favorite) "memory-improving games," I have to be calm and professional and diplomatic about what I say. I can't say, "That's quack shit." I can't say, "Your favorite influencer is a liar and an idiot." Not just because I'd get lower patient satisfaction scores, but because patients wouldn't believe me, and they would reactively like me less and the other guy more. (You're calling me stupid? You're saying I wasted money? If I believe you're just a shill for Big Pharma, that hurts less.)

It takes years, even decades, to understand how to put together the probability maps. Chest pain in a patient under 40? Highly unlikely to be a myocardial infarction, but not totally impossible, especially if they've been doing cocaine. In a patient over 60? Much more likely. Is the pain crushing? Is it sub-sternal? How long has it been going on? Is it constant, or intermittent? Does the patient smoke? What other health conditions does the patient have? These are all deeply important questions, and I remember feeling overwhelmed by things like this all the time in medical school. It's taken so long to build my knowledge, and my background in research is only tangentially valuable most of the time.

Please don't believe authority just because it looks good. Don't trust people because you want to trust them. Learn about the scientific process, learn how the sausage gets made, and then you'll be in an infinitely better position to know whether this is a "wow! science!!!" or a "wow! science bullshit!" moment.

#the attending dr. kristophine

[valdomarx]

going off script

a roy/jamie finale fixit, for @welcomemysentence

Jamie hasn’t been able to stop fidgeting all day, nervous excitement running through him like electricity.

It’s just a beer, he tells himself.

A beer that Roy invited him for, the two of them out together like mates. They’ve never done that before.

Jamie’s leg bounces against the wood of the barstool, his energy spilling out in the jiggling movement, and he tries to distract himself with his drink.

He's wearing his favourite hoodie, well worn and soft inside. A girl once told him he looked loveable in it. He's been called hot or sexy or fit more times than he can remember, but that was the only time he's ever been called that.

He pulls the cuffs down over his hands and stuffs his hopes deep into his sleeves.

They sit close, even though there's plenty of space around them. Their knees are pressed together under the bar, and Roy doesn't shy away. He likes being close enough to touch, and it's things like that which make Jamie wonder if...

It doesn't matter. It's stupid. Jamie lifts his beer and drains it in almost one go.

“Whatever happens on Saturday,” Roy says, and crinkles appear at the corner of his eyes, “I want you to know I'm proud of you.”

Jamie glows at that, more so because he knows Roy means it. It soothes something inside him to hear it said aloud, but it’s a plaster over the voracious, gaping hole in his chest that’s always wanting more. He pushes that greedy part of himself away and reminds himself he should be grateful for what he gets.

So he rags on Roy for being old, and that makes Roy rolls his eyes, and that feels good. Feels natural.

“Real talk, man. Thank you.” They knock their beers together.

He can do this. They can be friendly. It’ll be fun.

“So how’s things with you?”

Roy looks at his beer. “I'm trying to get back with Keeley.”

That hurts, a dull ache like an old sprain that never healed right, but it’s a familiar sort of pain. It occurs to Jamie to ask, “Why, though?”

Roy blinks, and he looks taken aback. “Because… because it’s Keeley, innit? She’s amazing.”

“Of course she is. She’s fucking incredible, we both know that. I’ll always love her, and I guess you will too. But what I’m asking is: why do you want to be with her?”

There’s a pause which stretches a beat too long, before Roy says, “We were good together.”

“You were, yeah.” Jamie puts a slight emphasis on the second word.

Roy catches it and furrows his brow.

“It just seems right, doesn’t it? That her and I should end up together.”

He sounds uncertain. Jamie makes a noncommittal hum.

“It's like - that's what everybody wants from me. They've decided how my life is going to go. I'm Roy Kent, so I gotta try and win back Keeley. Right?”

“Since when do you do what other people want?”

Roy huffs something that could be a laugh.

“Isn't there anything you feel like you have to do?” Roy asks. “Like there's a path laid out for you and you have no choice but to follow it?”

Jamie sucks in a breath. “Well. There's my dad.”

Roy mumbles something under his breath that sounds like cockend.

“Because everyone knows what a dick he is, but I still have to forgive him or some shit. I gotta pretend like everything’s fine now, because he’s making some tiny bit of effort to sort his life out and I have to pat him on the back for it. Pretend like he didn’t make my life hell, because that's the story people want to hear, innit? The one they're comfortable with. Forgiveness and happy families and all that shit. It's what people expect.”

“Well fuck that and fuck them,” Roy says without a trace of hesitation.

Jamie drags a finger through the condensation on the bar. “Ted told me I ought to forgive him. Said it would be for my own good, not his.”

Roy tips his head, thoughtful. “If anger at him isn’t serving you, you should let it go. But that doesn't mean you have to be nice to the horrendous prick.”

Jamie fingers are still fidgeting, and he picks at the label of his beer. “He asked me to visit him in rehab.”

Roy looks sideways at him. “Do you want to see him?”

A pit of ice cold horror opens in Jamie's chest at the thought. “Fuck no.”

“Then don't. You don't owe him shit. Not your time or your effort or your support.” Roy taps on the bar to underline his point. “He isn’t your family just because he’s related to you. Your family is the people who care about you and look out for you. It’s your mum and your stepdad, and me and Keeley and the team, and Ted and Beard and Rebecca. Even Nate, I guess. And we got you.”

Something in Jamie's body unclenches at that, like he can finally breathe. It feels like a 10-stone weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “So I don't have to follow the script?”

“Nope.”

He looks over at Roy.

“But you do?”

Roy fidgets. “It's not the same.”

“I know it’s not. But still. You’re allowed to make your own choices. You don’t have to live the life that other people think you ought to.”

Roy frowns. “Truth is, if I don’t do that - if I’m not Roy fucking Kent, football legend, and if I’m not grouchily supportive boyfriend to Keeley fucking Jones - I have no idea who the fuck I am.”

Jamie takes everything he wants to say, about how Roy is so much more than his fame or his past, about how he’s caring and smart and an incredible coach, about the beautiful person who shines out from beneath the layers of bullshit, and carefully sets it aside. It’s not the right time for that.

He thinks instead about what it means to be supportive, and how you express that, and what would help Roy now. He thinks about that, and he channels Ted. “Maybe it isn’t about already knowing who you are. Maybe it’s about trying things, and failing at some of them, and succeeding at others, and learning who you are along the way.”

Roy frowns. “I wouldn’t know how to start.”

Jamie very much wants to reach over and take his hand. He doesn’t.

“Let’s start at the beginning then. What do you want?”

Roy shoulders tense up at that.

“No, mate, I’m not trying to trick you or get in your head or make you spill your guts or anything. I’m just asking what makes you happy. Coaching? Looking after Phoebe? Travel? Kebabs?”

That makes Roy chuckle. “Yeah, all of those. I love all those things.”

He takes a swing of beer. Jamie watches his throat work as he swallows.

“And.” Roy turns to face him, an unfamiliar hesitancy in his voice. “And you.”

Jamie's mind goes completely blank.

“You make me happy.”

This should be the point where Jamie says something meaningful or profound or some shit. But he can hardly think for the wanting, the great shapeless thing inside him which he keeps shoving down but which only comes back bigger and hungrier, and which is now ballooning until it’s stuck in his throat.

“I love coaching you. I love that you’re up for anything, even when it’s ridiculous, and that you actually listen to me, and that you work hard because it matters to you. I love watching you play, I really fucking do. But it ain’t even about that. It’s because you’re fun, and funny, and you give me shit but you also give a shit about the people around you. Because you can admit when you’re wrong, which is more than I’ve ever been able to do, and you work to be better. You’re a kind, decent person, Jamie Tartt, and you’re very easy to love.”

Jamie feels like he might shatter, like if Roy says one more thing or lays a single finger on him then he’ll fall into a million pieces.

“Because I think I do know what I want. But it’s something I can’t have.” Roy sits back on his stool, armed crossed defensively, and doesn’t look Jamie in the eye.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” The words burst from Jamie’s mouth without any intervention from his brain. Roy looks up sharply, his expression hurt. “I’ve wanted you since I was ten years old. At first I thought I wanted to be you. Then I got older and realised I wanted to impress you. Then I met you, and yeah, I’ll be honest, I hated you for a while there, cause you were a right prick.”

Roy actually smiles at that.

“But then I got to know you, and fuck, Roy. All that time you were with Keeley, it really bothered me. I knew me and Keeley weren’t getting back together and it still made me ache, and I couldn’t figure out why. But I know now, and I don’t know how I could make it any clearer.” He inhales a quick breath. “You can have me any way you like.”

Jamie’s brain catches up with what his mouth has let slip, just as Roy stands up so suddenly that his stool crashes to the floor. He opens his mouth to say sorry or to take it back, but then Roy’s hands are in his hair and he’s crushing their lips together, and Jamie finally lets himself take what he wants. Roy kisses him like he’s on fire with it, and the shapeless thing lodged in Jamie’s chest comes surging out through his hands and his eyes and his mouth, everywhere they’re touching alight with sensation.

Kissing Roy is even better than he’d imagined. The prickle of his beard again his face, the way his fingers flex in Jamie’s hair like he wants to pull him even closer. Even when they break for air, Roy stays right in his space like he wants to live there.

Wanting and being wanted. Choosing and being chosen. A path ahead that they build themselves, brick by brick.

A bubble of joy comes gushing out of Jamie as a giggle. “This isn’t how the script goes.”

He feels Roy's smile against his lips and the rumble of his laughter against his chest.

“Fuck the script.”

#roy x jamie #roy kent #jamie tartt #ted lasso #welcomemysentence #ted lasso spoilers #my writing #jamie tartt i will avenge you and your characterisation