#they promised us 'broken pieces everywhere' and i want more of them

[fukcnoplease]

Things Always Go Wrong Pt3

Pt1 Pt2 Pt4 Pt5

Gotham was truly testing her abilities. Usually she could vibe check the building and be good but the vibes of Gotham were rancid everywhere she went. Every building and street had some varying level of unsafe and she could feel Danny slowing behind her. He wasn't going to stay on his feet for much longer. Thankfully there were plenty of alleys they could probably hide in and even though it was already midmorning the thick smog on the city made it look like the dawn had only just broken. The alleys were still dark and as soon as she paused at the back of the alley she felt Danny collapse into her. His breathing was ragged and he was slick with sweat. She tried vibrating her core at him and the response she got was uncoordinated and harsh. It was as if two things were trying to respond to her, attempting to drown each other out.

“Shit.” she said. Jazz would be mad for her language, you know, if she didn't kill her for killing her brother. 

“Found you, wretch.” A voice said and Dani shot up into a fighting stance. The entrance of the alley was blocked by five people, all dress head to toe in white and aiming several weapons at them. They were all men and significantly bigger than her. That would be fine in her ghost form but transforming in front of them was risky.

Danny groaned from the cold alley floor and Dani grimaced. She growled, inhumane and low, and punched her palm as she went ghost. Showing her transformation was a small price to pay to protect Danny and they probably had her, or Danny’s, ecto-signature if they had managed to follow them cross state lines so accurately. 

Their weapons hummed as they charged and Dani caught a glimpse of color above them. Praying she had seen right she took in a breath and shouted her words.

“I am the princess of the Infinite Realms. Any harm that comes to me is a direct attack on the entire dimension of the Infinite Realms and cause for a war between our worlds!” Internally she cringed at her words but she prayed they had the right effect. 

“Ha! Like you could fool us, you manipulative ecto-sum! You’re coming with us. If you're lucky you might even make it in one piece” The leader, she assumed as he was standing at the front of the group, said. She tensed in case her gamble went south and prepared for something to hit her. 

Thankfully she didn't feel anything and a yellow hero came crashing down on the agents with a ferocity she wasn't expecting. He used what she thought were escrima sticks but they were connected together with a long wire and looked modified. He downed the panicked agents in seconds and turned to Dani. Unconscious agents littered around him.

His sudden movements made her drop into a defensive stance and he froze. Gently putting away his weapons as he raised his hands to show he meant no harm.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just trying to help.” The man paused as he looked over the two disheveled siblings. The white haired girl was glaring at him but looked more wary than aggressive and the dark haired boy on the floor looked incredibly ill. “Would it be ok if I helped you? I can call some friends and we can get you to a safe space.”

Dani stared the man down. He could fight, and right now she wasn't confident she could take him. Not while protecting a very incapacitated Danny. He had a black bat symbol on his chest which was good but also bad. Good because Batman was a hero and helped those in need. Bad because Batman was famous for not liking metas and while she and Danny weren’t metas she doubted Batman would care enough to make the distinction. Hopefully if she played up the royalty bit she could get maybe some leeway.

“Ok, bumblebee, but I want you to promise you wont hurt me or my… ambassador,” Danny was going to be so mad when he woke up, “or I will bring the entire Infinite Realms down on this world.” She did her best to sound threatening and maybe using some energy to make herself scarier but she wouldn't admit it.

“Of course, your… highness?” Bumblebee asked. Dani frowned, she didn't like ‘your highness’ but she couldn't give her actual name…

“You can call me… Elle.” She felt her insides crumple up at how cringey that name felt and she was very glad Danny was out cold for this conversation. The bumblebee hero nodded and said something into what she assumed was an earpiece. After a few minutes of discussion he went quiet and began watching the roofs. Dani floated off the ground slightly, trying to see what he was looking for. She didn't notice the surprise that flitted across his face at her show of power or the silent black hero who landed gracefully beside Bumblebee. 

“Hey Black Bat. Can you help me gather these guys up? Batman should be en route but might take a minute to get here.” Bumblebee said. Dani whipped around to see the new hero, black bat apparently, silently working her way through the knocked out GIW.

“Batman is coming?” Dani asked, anxiety making her fidget with her hands. That wasn't good. She couldn't pretend to be a princess around him, he could practically smell lies, or fear, and maybe she could be the princess of the Infinite Realms but she wasn't officially! Not yet at least. And Danny definitely wasn't her ambassador. Shit, maybe if she played up with the sad little girl image? Batman was known to take pity on kids… or was that one of his allies. She should’ve listened in on the conversation the bumblebee had had earlier, maybe she would have had something to work with then.

Black bat and bumblebee worked together to tie up the GIW and leave them in an easily accessible spot for when the police came around. Black bat touched bumblebees bicep and he looked up to see the scary shadow of Batman looming over the alley. Dani notices him too and landed in front of Danny, spreading her arms to block him from Batman's view as he landed beside the other heroes.

“Report.” Was all he said as he looked over the scene. His gaze lingered on the unconscious boy and Dani had to resist growling at him, in case that ruined her case for receiving help. Bumblebee took a breath and nodded.

“I found these two as they were about to be attacked by a group of people,” he gestured to the tied up men in white, “it looked like meta trafficking and I stepped in. Elle,” he gave a smile to Dani who cringed internally, “gave the men fair warning about their attack being against royalty and at risk of ruining dimensional relations, they refused to back off.”

Batman responded with a noncommittal ‘hn’ and narrowed his eyes at Dani who prickled under the gaze.

“For the record,” Bumblebee added, a little hesitant, “I believe her.”

Batman nodded and took a step closer to Dani and this time she did growl. The man stopped and regarded her. She glared back. He wasnt coming near her or Danny. Not in his state.

“Would you like to come with us?” Was all batman said. Stern and quiet. Dani didn't move, she looked over Batman’s unmoving face and then back at the bumblebee and black bat. The bumblebee hero looked worried but more for Batman than Dani and the black bat seemed relaxed as she watched.

“Where are you going to take us?” Dani asked. Batman frowned slightly and Dani worried he would just try and grab them. 

“A place where we can keep you safe and confirm your royal status,” he said. Dani didn't really like the sound of that but she could feel Danny getting worse and she was running out of time to make a decision. When he chose that exact moment to let out a pained groan Dani almost smacked him. Batman’s frown deepened and Dani felt her throat bob.

“We might even be able to help your friend.” He offered.

“My ambassador,” She corrected, if she was gonna sell this she had to go all out, “And I don't want you to lay a hand on him.”

Batman gave her the slightest, stiffest nod she had ever seen and she relaxed. Batman nodded to the other heroes and black bat vanished, bumblebee paused before leaving himself. Dani felt her anxiety come back threefold at being left alone with the big bad bat but in a few seconds a fancy black bat shaped car skidded to a halt outside the alley. In the passenger seat was the familiar bumblebee, he grinned and waved at them. Batman stared at him in what Dani thought could be disapproval but said nothing. The doors to the suped up car popped open and bumblebee stepped out.

“You can get in the back seat. Do you need help with your ambassador?” He said as he stepped back into the alley. Dani shook her head and Batman made a grumbling sound.

“Signal.” he said. Bumblebee, signal apparently, shrugged and continued towards Dani until she stiffened.

“I just wanted them to have a familiar face so the journey wasn't too stressful. Black bat and Spoiler are covering me while I stick with them.” He said, smiling at Batman and then turning back to Dani. He moved to help her pick Danny up but she shook her head at him and he stepped back. Batman made another ‘hn’ sound before retreating to the driver seat of the car. 

Dani moved Danny around and picked him up by throwing him over her shoulder. He wasn't heavy but he was bigger than her and it made him difficult to carry. Signal, she preferred bumblebee, hovered around her but was careful not to touch Danny as she carried him to the car. They managed to get Danny securely in the back seat of the batcar and Dani slid in next to him. He looked worse. Maybe moving him wasn't the smartest idea but Dani didn't know what else to do. If the GIW had their ecto-signature there wasn't a safe place to hide. Maybe Batman would be able to protect them but it would only last so long. She pushed aside her fears and gripped Danny’s too warm hand. The scenery went passed too quickly for her to see and the drive was silent. She was starting to hate road trips.

~~

This is short but the next one is gonna be LONG I got distracted anyway I love that people are enjoying this, i like writing it :)

#danny phantom #he dying lmao #L+ratio+lost haunt+cant cope #batman #signal dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #things get funky next chapter #dani-centric #dani phantom #creative writing #fanfic #dp x dc fanfic #long post #dani doing her best #Im putting her through it #updates will slow down im just going crazy

[hearts4chriss]

Leather Jacket.

𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒

Bad boy!Chris + Nerd!Black fem!

Part 03

prompt: where Chris catches his friends bullying you and has too make a big decision.

contains: ANGST! Bullying, crying, violence, use of pet names ( my girl, princess, baby ), major fluff at the end ( keepin that a secret )

it had been 4 days since that whole incident in class with us, resulting in me taking her home which leaded to me beginning to take her home after her physics club and my football practice.

accept one day, it took her a bit longer than normal.

See my practice ended at 5:30 and her club ended at 5:45. I didn’t know what was taking her so long, I figured they just got held up so I waited another 15 minutes.

That’s when I began to hear some rumbling as yelling behind the school as I was in the front.

I sigh dropping my bags down and begin to walk behind the school seeing something I-i didn’t want too.

There she was, in her uniform on the ground surrounded by 3 of my friends.

they had taken off her glasses and were holding them away from her and mocking her calling her “nerdy girl” , “freak” , “ugly nerd” and hurtful words causing my fists to clench and my heart pump.

they had took her bag and threw her papers everywhere and they just kept laughing at her and throwing insult after insult and it began to break my heart as I couldn’t watch her be in pain anymore

“Please-just-leave me alone-“ she shudders through her tears and my “friends” just laugh at her.

“or what? gonna go cry to your boyfriend?” Oh wait you won’t have one! You never will because guys don’t like pathetic things like you. They chuckled and kept laughing at her and I had enough of it.

“Guys what the fuck are you doing?!” I yelled and they all turned around and looked at me.

“Just picking on this nerd you should join”. One smirked at me and I tilted my head to the side and scoffed.

“No I’m not doing this- I’m not doing this anymore I’m done”. I stood my ground my fist clenching becoming more visibly noticeable and one of them give me a pity laugh as I’ve never been the one to turn them down

“What? She’s just a girl she’s nothing sp-“ I cut him off with a swing too the mouth causing him to fall and the ground as the other two immediately catch and go for me next

“What the fuck man your supposed to be our friend? Beating us up for some random ne-“ that resulting in two gut bunches two the other guys as they all fall down on the wall.

“Watch ur fucking mouth when ur talking about her”. I say through gritted teeth leaving them all a few angry punches causing blood to appear on my fists

I was pissed, how dare they talk about this innocent girl who doesn’t do anything and at that, she’s my girl, she’s my fucking princess.

“c-Chris”- I hear her little voice cry out weakly and my gaze immediately shifts to her.

her slump body lay in the corner and her glasses scattered off and scratches on the clear lenses, her books and papers scattered and she looked so in distress as tears and shakes consumed her body.

“baby..I’m right here I promise”. I say leaning down in a squat beginning to pick all her things up and put them in her pink backpack.

she looked up at with me with a shaken and scared expression and that’s when I realized she really was afraid and she was hurt.

“You mind if I carry you?” I asked her calmly and she shook her head and I scooped her into my arms carrying her bridal style.

She rested her head on my chest as I picked up my other bags I had left near the entrance of the school.

“It’s okay princess I got you”. I kiss the top of her head and she sighs tiredly as I placed her carefully in the front seat of my car.

I began to drive her back too her house and she just laid there in the seat looking so fragile, as if she’d been broken into a million pieces.

“Ur parents care if I come in?” I asked peering at her softly.

“N-no they’ll be okay with it-“ she stutters and I smile at how cute she was beginning to drive down her street.

I parked in her drive way grabbing her bag with her keys in it and carrying her once again.

I unlocked the door and was greeted with her parents who had a shocked look on my face

“Oh god what happened?!” Her mother says with a worried face.

“Some a- guys school were bullying her and I took care of it”. I said calmly watching my tone and language and her mother sighs.

“Thank you- her rooms just up this way”. She sighs again and I nodded thanking her carrying her upstairs.

“Did we just let Chris sturniolo be alone with our daughter?” Her dad whispers.

I suppose we all have our moments…

In her room

I lay her on the bed and rummage in her closet grabbing her one of my hoodies I’d left over from when we…you know. She really liked it so I let her keep it.

“Here honey”. I give her the hoodie and she sits up.

“Can you help me? Please?” She says softly giving me puppy eyes slightly squinted because she wasn’t wearing her glasses.

“Oh of course”. I say being quick with taking off her clothes my breath hitching seeing her in a matching white bra and panties but I shake my head and place my hoodie over her smaller body.

“wait- m-my glasses- where are they?” She said anxiously getting up searching her bag and scrambling

“Wait”- I was cut off by her pulling them out her bag, the scratches on the lenses seemingly broke her heart, she needed those glasses and she loved them.

“My glasses…” she sighs sadly and I come over to her pulling her into my arms.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I promise I’ll fix all of this for you yeah?” I say facing her toward me and she smiles showing me her dimples and I instantly melt seeing her face like this.

Seeing how vulnerable she was with me, at her weakest point and she trusted me, the boy whose known for manipulating girls just like her, she was sitting right in his arms, my arms, peaceful and quiet.

She gained her trust for me, overtime even though I manipulated her into letting me fuck her, that wasn’t just a one time thing. I had grown too like her more overtime.

Seeing how she responded to my body, the way she would flush through her gorgeous brown skin, the way she’s stutter when I’d call her princess or baby or any of my nicknames for the matter. The way she’d sink into my arms whenever I wrapped them around her. The way she grew more comfortable with me had just made my heart pump with anticipation.

I needed to protect her, watch her, take care of her, make sure she was okay.

there was no sign or whatever to explain why my feelings are the way they are.

But there’s one thing I could say, something I never thought I’d say.

I think I’m falling for her

@mattsleftnipple03  @bernardsleftbootycheek  @sturniolopowers @gdsvhtwa  @rac00ns-are-c00l4  @worldlxvlys  @chrisslut25 @princessbetsy123-blog  @mattslolita  @guccifrog  @blahbel668 @mattsneezing  @trickywritters  @hearts4chris

@nonamegirlxsturniolo  @luvmxtt  @theyluv-meee @hoesformatt  @luv4kozume   @kikisturnioloo  @itzdarling @pepsiimaxx @babyddolly  @iiheartstef  @junnniiieee07  @ast3ro1dzz  @sturniolowhore  @st7rnioioss  @emma4eva  @braindead4l  @ihearttsyouu  @kqyslyho3 @sturnsfav @sunsetsturniolos  @sturniololoverr  @stqrnstars   @dlyansworld  @chrisloyalgf  @soimightlikeoldmen69   @abbie13sworld  @lacysturniolo   @sturniol0s  @chrissgirlsstuff  @luhsexcbihh  @nicksmainbitch @rubyjaneaxx  @love4chris @breeloveschris @meetballmatt  @waydasims 

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #🫂 → his princess series !! #heartsforchriss

[elcpsstuff]

The Summer I Remembered You (C.F) (Part 20)

even when I don’t, I almost do. Because I love you.

—

A/N: You guys i’m actually sobbing while writing this! The last part is here and i’m honestly feeling so many emotions right now. From the first chapter to now seeing how every character as grown just makes my heart absolutely melt ahh. This is the last part but when season 3 comes out who knows, there might be a sequel;) (no promises) !! I love you all sooo much and please enjoy this really long chapter <3

—

There’s not many ways to categorize Susannah. She’s not just a mother figure to me. She’s the beach house on sunny days and all weather accompanied and when I do a lot of things I think about her.

I’ll never forget the day my parents died. I might have been young but it’s one of the first things I remember. John and Laurel running to the house with Steven and Belly in the car, and a confused 6 year old waiting for her parents to get home. Come home to me.

Apparently, therapy sessions are the way to fix someone who was categorized as broken like me. I got taken to countless different therapists but what was I supposed to say? Like ‘yeah i’m pretty sad about my parents dying but i’ll get over it.’

The first summer that went by without my parents, I went to the beach house. I had gone two times before that but this time was truly my first visit. To me it was.

I don’t remember much, but I do remember Susannah. According to her (and laurel) I cried for hours in my room, assuming it was about my parents. Everybody left me alone until my whales became too loud and Susannah couldn’t help but step in.

She walked into my room, not forgetting to shut the door and sat on the edge of my bed. “Yn? Sweetie?”

“Y- yeah?” I covered my tears in hopes that I would just look groggy from a nap but I obviously failed, miserably.

“What’s going on?” She cooed at me while brushing some strands of hair out my face.

“I miss them.. my.. my—”

“I know you do. I’m sorry it had to be this way yn..” I still remembered her voice to this day, in that room. It was so soothing sometimes I requested her to come in and talk to me before bed.

“Can I tell you something yn?”

I nodded weakly, “mhm..”

She held me in her arms while whispering a soft melody in my ear before saying; “This beach house is as much yours as mine. Okay? Your here and apart of us now. Of me.”

I smiled at the thought before falling deep asleep.

I was always close with Susannah after that, as much as I could be. Sometimes summer wasn’t enough.

Now, i’m sobbing all my makeup off into the sheets Susannah picked out for this house. Conrad really was right when he said it— she’s everywhere and everything in this house. Picked out ever wall color and every single piece of furniture.

I used to love to look at the things Susannah did for this house, it reminded me of her. Now- I can’t even look at the walls without crying. Because soon she’ll only be a memory.

Belly’s cries in my ear were more heartbreaking than I could have imagined. Me, Belly, and Laurel were all stuck together on the bed like peas in a pod. Laurel crying was something I never thought I would see and now I wished I hadn’t.

“I just feel so stupid. This whole summer has been about me and Susannah had been dying of cancer.”

I almost wanted to tell Belly not to, not to say it. She had no right. But she did, because she really really was dying. That was the reality of the matter. I can only imagine Jeremiah and Conrad if we’re crying this bad. It breaks my heart.

“That’s how she wanted it though,” Laurel whispers, “One last perfect summer in cousins.”

One last perfect summer. Was this the end? It hit me then, maybe it was the end. Conrad would be going off to college in the fall and me, Jeremiah, and Steven were all going into our senior years. Even Belly was growing. She wasn’t far off from college either.

“It’s just not fair,” I add in, sobbing through my words. “Why does she have to go? It’s.. it’s..”. Horrible. Not fair. So many things that I want to say but my choked cries hold me back.

The door creaks open and a very sad looking Steven creeps into the room. His eyes are draped and tears stained his face. Shakily, he said, “She’s not gonna get better is she?”

When Laurel shakes her had no, my cries come faster as well as Belly’s. Steven runs to the other side of the bed and climbs in next to Laurel, tears dripping on her red dress. He was like a little kid, the way he got into bed and held onto Laurel for dear life, like every child held their mother.

It was just us 3, crying and crying and repeated murmurs of ‘it’s not fair’ and an occasional I love you.

—

Laurel cooking only meant one thing, we were fucked.

It’s no secret Susannah’s cooking has always been a fan favorite of ours, and not Laurel’s.

We all gathered around the table and for the first time this summer we felt like family. True and honest family. Me and Belly had changed from our dresses because Susannah didn’t want us to be uncomfortable, but the boys were still in their tuxes.

Everyone’s eyes were littered with dry tears and everybody was also blood shot red in the eyes. I’d never seen Conrad look so tired and broken, it almost makes me feel horrible for crying so hard.

He still looked good though, really good.

“Okay, guys.” Susannah clears her throat before gently pushing out of her seat, getting our attention.

“I.. I think,” Susannah’s eyes wonder to Jeremiah and Conrad before she speaks. Her face is glowing with a smile only Susannah has. It’s for her boys. Conrad and Jeremiah.

Jeremiah was her sunshine boy, the kind’ve boy that still hugged their mother even though they were probably too old for it. He was good to her. Not that Conrad wasn’t, not at all. It was just different. Conrad affection was deep and hidden but Susannah could pull it out of him. He would do anything for her, absolutely anything even if he hated it.

“I think i’m gonna do the trial.” Conrad and Jeremiah’s face lit up in smiles that I had missed dearly and mine wasn’t too far behind. It might have been a long shot, but it was hope. Hope that things could be okay. It’s no secret things would never be the same again, but if we could be okay, that was good enough for me. For all of us.

“It’s gonna work, mom.” Jeremiah says with pleading eyes and my heart can’t help but melt at the sight. He always had so much hope that things would work out, and as much as I wanted to believe him, I knew it all to well. I didn’t wanna think about it, though. Because loosing Susannah would be like loosing my parents all over again, but worse. I know Susannah, more than I ever knew them.

“It doesn’t matter,” Susannah grabs Laurel’s hand and squeezes it tight, “You all ate here. It’s the best thing I could ever ask for.”

And with that, we ate.

For the first time since the news came out, laughter filled this table. It filled our lungs and our hearts and I never missed Jeremiah and Stevens jokes. Conrad even threw one in occasionally.

This was good. We were gonna be okay.

Dinner came and went and it was late by the time we finished, but I was up like a hawk. At 11 o’click the house started winding down and yawns were heard.

I walked into the kitchen to grab my phone, only to see Jeremiah sitting at the counter. I knew I needed to talk to him. It was a long time coming.

“Hey..” I say quietly, but it was loud enough for him to hear me.

He smiles lightheartedly, “Hey.” I did not want to know if he was angry at me still because it would hurt too much. Jeremiah was amazing at holding grudges, which shouldn’t be a compliment but it sure does drive the other person crazy.

“So,” I tap my fingers across the counter in a state of worry, “Are.. we good?”

A sigh comes from his mouth, and I only can hope he’s not up to fight, because I sure as hell aren’t. “Did you know about Susannah’s cancer? Did Conrad tell you?” Those were the last words I expected to come out his mouth.

He was there, when I asked what was going on. How could he assume I knew? Was he that angry about me and Conrad that he would accuse me of hiding it?

“How could you even think that?” There’s no disgust in my voice, just pure sadness. He was bitter, bitter that he didn’t know. Don’t let him get to you.

“You and Conrad kept a lot of secrets, what’s one more?” Unlike me, his voice is laced with disgust and after the night I had tonight, I would be the last to deal with it.

“Right. Glad to know where you stand.” I spin on my heel but before I can reach the door a shriek comes out of Jeremiah’s mouth.

“I liked you, you know.”

I turn around and look at the boy in front of me with a puzzled face. He liked me? Are you serious?

Where was he when I wanted his attention? I remember the nights I would long for Jeremiah, when I believed Conrad didn’t want me. I might have longed for Jeremiah to try and forget about Conrad, but I still longed for him.

“Don’t do that. You like Belly.”

He shakes his head and my heart begins to accelerate.

“I know you used to like me too.” What was he saying? Assuming? This was crazy. Just fucking crazy and my brain can’t handle any more of this. “I know it was one summer. Conrad and you weren’t talking as much because he was busy with football camp. You got crazy jealous of me talking to Belly. I- I never believed I had a chance with you yn, so I never showed that I cared. But I did.”

It’s true. The summer Conrad was going into Sophomore year his dad had him on a constant grind for football. Make no mistake, I missed him like hell but I did gather some sort of feeling for Jeremiah during that time. It lingered, but as soon as Conrad came it was gone.

None of us were perfect. If Belly had some sort of attraction for both of the boys, would it be so crazy to believe I once did too? Not too long ago?

But it’s always been clear as day, who I loved. Love.

I always believed love would be gray with anyone else but Conrad. He made it golden. Shades of gray hidden in the sunset that would only come out for me, along with my feelings for him.

What was I supposed to say? He wasn’t wrong. I did like him a little bit, even at the beginning of this summer. But it was only because I hid my truth about Conrad. I needed to get away from him and shamefully, Jeremiah was right there.

“If I wouldn’t known- I would’ve maybe—”

“Jeremiah, stop.”

His eyes widen and this is the last thing I want. To cause this poor boy any more drama than what’s been produced. His face turns from hopeful and pleading to knowing. All fucking knowing.

“You love him, don’t you?”

My heart beat slows, and I look Jeremiah dead in the eye, making sure he knows the truth. I want him to know so we can get over this because I need Jeremiah, my buddy. Not a lover.

“I think I almost do.” Is all I can manage to say.

Jeremiah says nothing but only nods in response. It’s quiet for a moment before I begin to tread away, only to be stopped again.

“Just tell me this, if I would’ve confessed, would it had changed anything?”

No. It wouldn’t have.

“It’s been a long day, Jeremiah.” I don’t hear a response as I tread up the stairs.

—

My feet tread on the wooden floors, creaking noises coming every now and then. It was late. Half past 12 and like most nights lately, sleep couldn’t consume me like it used to be able to.

Luckily, I wasn’t alone.

Outside my door, I peered through another to see Susannah sat on her bed. She looked sad, so unlike Susannah. Something compelled me to walk in there.

Susannah was sitting on her bed staring up at the ceiling. It was almost weird— seeing her look so solemn. Like she had come to peace with it.

She smiled at me when I walked in and motioned for me to take the spot next to her on the bed. I did.

“Cant sleep?” She whispers.

I shake my head rapidly, because I can’t. I cant sleep knowing a women like Susannah is being put through this. She’s so pure, so pure in a world of evil.

“I don’t mean to bother you.”

“You could never bother me, special girl.” I already feel the tears coming on my face, and one stray tear dripped. I wiped it quickly.

“I’m so sorry, Susannah.” I sit next to her quickly. Her face turns sad and droopy which was the last thing I intended considering this day already didn’t go as planned. I needed to change the mood. “How.. how is Conrad? Is he okay?”

An all knowing smile reaches Susannah’s face, and I already know what’s coming next. “He’s doing okay. I hated him seeing him cry. I always do.”

That was the truth. I hated seeing Conrad cry too. It had only happened a couple of times, and It would always take me 15 minutes or so to recover from it. The way his eyes cried for help and were bloodshot red, almost like he was begging for someone to save him. I had wanted that for years. To save him and to be engulfed in his arms.

“I hate it too.” I whisper and a choked sob comes out of my mouth. Susannah, being Susannah notices right away. Always putting others above herself.

“He’s loved you since he was 10, you know.” Now it was her turn to speak through a yelp and cry. I broke at the sight. Tears were streaming down both of our faces but I was too delirious to care. “He came up to me, called you so pretty at a young age. You’ve always been his weakness, you know that.”

I shrug, “Things got really complicated Susannah, too quick and too fast.”

“Don’t let him push you away. He loves you. He’s in love with you.” Those words spilled all over me like a warm shower. Lathering me in love and affection, all by the man Conrad Fisher.

Susannah holds my arm, rubbing my thumb gently, “Do.. do you love him too?”

I don’t even wait, I just nod. Nod and nod until my head feels like it’s hurting because I do. I really do. He’s everything to me. It’s not often you find your lover and best friend in one.

He really is my everything. My Conrad.

“Yes.”

Susannah pulls me in and now i’m sobbing against her chest. Who cares if the house hears? This women is dying in front of me and i’ll i’ve done this whole summer is be consumed in my own drama. Belly was right, even if we didn’t know it we were selfish.

“I’m so sorry, I was so— selfish.”

I feel Susannah move her head against me. “No, no. This is how I wanted it. I wanted it to be about you girls. And the guys. I wanted all the petty fights and talk about boys because that’s what summer is to you guys. A time to just be.”

She was right. Summer was intertwined with everything good in my life. Conrad, Susannah, Jeremiah, and the rest of my family. From running on the beach at 7 and playing with the football and attempting to crash the boys plans with Belly at night. It was all so good. So right.

Susannah pulls me out of her chest and tucks a hair behind my ear, “Yn. I know this hasn’t always been easy. But your here now, okay? One day, when I’m gone—" I go to fight her but she shakes her head, silencing me. “When i’m gone, it’s up to you and Belly to keep the magic going. If anyone can, it’s you two.”

I hoped and prayed. I really did.

“Your my special girl, yn.”

We hugged for what felt like hours, crying and holding each other. Around 1am, I crept into bed, sobs occasionally catching my lips every now and then. My heavy eyes slowly found it’s way into some sort of sleep.

—

The tide was low in the morning.

I wouldn’t exactly call it sleep, what I got. More like an hour or so of being in this dream state. Where susannah was okay and wasn’t dying and that we would be coming to cousins like normal. Every summer.

He was there. In his suit still looking like a work of art. Straight out of a Taylor Swift love song (wildest dreams, to be exact. I would always rant to Frankie about how that’s his song.)

His hair was sloppy in the wind and his shirt was all wrinkled. That’s the thing about Conrad though. Even in the worst of times, he still looks beautiful. His blue irises don’t shine the same blue that Jeremiah’s does.

Conrad is dark. Dark dark dark and some more. Jeremiah’s blue ocean eyes hold some sense of purity to them. I could even get lost in them. They’re so bright with purpose. When I looked into Conrad’s eyes, the blue was different. So confusing and at times I feel like one day it’ll devour me.

He was a deep guy, Conrad. Something Jeremiah would never be, even if he tried his hardest to mold that personality of his. I could sit for hours and talk about the meaning of life with Conrad and he would sit and stare, maybe adding in his thoughts. Jeremiah would go on his phone within minutes.

It wasn’t a bad thing, that Jeremiah didn’t do that. He wasn’t Conrad, he shouldn’t have to be. But even If I tried to tell him that it would be too late, the complex already set so horribly in. No matter what anyone does it’ll be ingrained in him. I just hoped it wouldn’t consume him.

I plopped down next to him, digging my feet into the sand from how nervous I was. I didn’t know what he was gonna say to me.

There was a small gap between us, one that was definable but not to an extent. Conrad played with his fingers and for a moment it was just pure silence.

I liked the waves. They were calming.

“I can’t believe she said yes.” Conrad words are vibrant, more than they had been this entire summer. His face twisted into a smile and my heart melted at the sight.

I awkwardly look down towards the sand and make a little heart in it. “I mean- it’s all thanks to you. You changed her mind, Conrad.”

He shakes his head, “No, no, it was Jere. Not me.”

I gulp down the words that itch to come out of my throat, so many things I want to say. Where do I start? I’ve been in love with you since I was 10 years old. It’s only been you? Even when my heart tried to make me believe it was Jeremiah or possibly Josh, it was always you. How do I tell him that after everything?”

The silence became noticeable because he twisted his lips like he always does when he feels guilty or is out of words to say, to fill the void.

“I’m sorry for being so shitty, this entire summer.”

“I mean.. you were going through this all alone. I- it couldn’t have been easy..” I try and reason for him because I do feel horrible. It doesn’t excuse anything, but it makes it all just sorta make sense.

“Doesn’t make it right. Not for you, at least.”

His tone conveys something much more intimate than either of us are ready to take on right now. I get up off the sand, Conrad following my actions suit.

“Conrad… you- you really need someone right now and I just.. can’t be the person you fall on. Not after everything.” By everything, the love i’ve held for this boy. All the years and lies and the time we even had sex, it’s all too much. He’s either in or out, I can’t climb over and pull him half way. That’s on him.

“I need you.”

I shake my head again, “No. No more needing.” Want. I want him to want me. He reads my mind before tucking a strand behind my face.

“I want you. You know that.”

“How?” I whisper.

“Because I love you. I’ve been in love with you since I was 12. I- I don’t know when it happened, but one day it just came to me. I can’t shake it since. Maybe it was always there.”

Conrad fucking Fisher, pouring his heart out was not to go unnoticed. Rare were the times he showed emotion, and for anyone to take it to granted was crazy.

“And you think I haven’t?” My whisper is almost like a cry. Hadn’t it been so obvious? I loved this boy with every fiber in my body. My heart called to him. He was better than Noah from the notebook and better than Rhett. He was Conrad.

“I know you have. But I do too, I really do.”

Conrad’s fingers graze my cheek and I look up into his impossibly blue eyes. He flinches a little before moving in closer to me. My eyes linger to his lips and his does the same.

When our lips touch, I could’ve cried from the feeling. It was much different than any other time. It wasn’t needy or so heart gripping I didn’t think I would survive it, it was calm.

His hands cupped my face and we pull away for a brief moment. I don’t miss the smile he gives me before pulling me in for another one. I wrap my arms around his waist and he’s really making all the moves. Eventually I find myself playing with the backs of his hairs.

When we pull away, he still holds me, almost afraid to let go. A small laugh escapes my lips.

“What?” He says so softly yet amused.

“Nothing, I just…” Everything.

“I can’t believe your really here.”

—

Leaving cousins was always the worst. The packing, looking at the house once last time before returning for 9 months. This time as different though.

Fall comes round always too quick for my liking, almost like the seasons trying to rid out memories of summer. But summer was intertwined in all of our memories like a cord. Nothing would sever that.

Steven was an early acceptance into Princeton. After all of his hard work, Steven accomplished his 4 year old dream of walking down the school halls shouting that he got into Princeton.

Belly was doing good. Her grades were always subpar like mine which was something we always bonded about. Always lifting each other up when Steven drowns us with his smart antics.

And me? I’m currently sat in my car parked in the parking lot for Brown.

Conrad told me he’d meet me by these benches that he sent me a picture of, so I guess I would have to gauge off of that.

Once I got out of the car, I grabbed my bag of necessities while closing the door and locking the car. I smiled to myself and for a moment I was lost. Just fucking lost.

I can’t believe you’re really here.

Those words clung with me like the dust hangs to my shirt. That day is forever ingrained in my memory. I’ll never forget that moment, no matter what happens. It was almost like a promise, that this was really the beginning.

I began to walk through the crowd of people, searching aimlessly. I would spot him out in a heartbeat, but there were a shit ton of people.

That’s when I saw him, in this cute little stripped polo top, looks down at his phone. I’m guessing it was to text me but the excitement that fills my body is blocking off all of my conscious.

When he looks up, the biggest fucking smile covers his face. I start walking towards him and drop my bags, running into his arms.

“You’re here.” He mumbles into my shoulder. He was feeling me, I understand why. I had to touch his hairs to make sure he’s real too. But he his.

“Yeah, i’m here.”

Conrad takes my bag like the gentlemen he is, and the whole walk to his room he’s staring at me. I meet his eyes occasionally but look away for the most part.

Once we get to his room, I can’t help but notice how neat his side is compared to his roommates, Trusky. He wasn’t here, but It was obvious to tell who’s sides who.

“I was thinking we could maybe go for lunch or something?” Conrad places my bag down and then kicks his foot lightly against the wood of his desk. He looked like a little kid asking for a cookie.

“Whatever you want.” I say with a innocence to my voice.

Conrad smirks and I shut the door behind us. When I turn around, Conrad wraps his arms around me and spins me around lightly. I can’t help the giggle that emerges.

Conrad throws me on the bed right before laying down next to me. “I missed you so much.”

“Me too.” The glimmer in both of our eyes is something I would carry with me. The hope, the want. I knew this was our start, just the very first page. A sea of blue was conjuring in his eyes, and I was about to be sucked into it.

Instead of going to lunch, me and Conrad lost track of time and talked and kissed and did some more talking. It was refreshing.

“How’s Belly?” Conrad asks me.

I shrug, “She’s good. I mean, we’re good. I think her and Jere have been talking a lot.” Conrad raises his eyebrows and licks his lips. “You know what? I swore I heard them talking when I came over to the house last weekend.”

I smirk, “I think she’s happy.”

“He is too.”

The second me and Conrad got together, I told him about what Jeremiah said to me. He had told me not to worry and that Jeremiah was just being emotional.

But seeing Jeremiah so happy, it makes me happy. Belly, too. I think it warms us all a bit that we can all just, be.

“I talked to your mom the other day.”

A radiant smile, only that he shares for Susannah peaks through cracks of Conrad’s mouth. “Ah, really? What’d she say?”

“Said shes doing good. Also said your a fucking goofball.”

“Fuck you!” Conrad smacks my forehead lightly, always making sure not to legitimately hurt me. I loved that about him. “Hey, I have an idea.”

“What?”

I can’t believe this man.

When Conrad said he knew a place, I didn’t really know what he was talking about. I just went with the flow.

Only Conrad fucking Fisher would take me stargazing. That part of my heart was left for him. Only for him. He places a blanket on the grass and motions me to sit down with him.

It was a deserted little place, 20 minutes away from the campus. It was cozy.

I lay down next to Conrad and a small breeze hits me, making me shiver. Conrad wraps his arms around me almost instinctively, placing a kiss on top of my forehead.

“This is nice.” I breathe out.

“mhm.” Conrad hums and every now and then he places kisses on my cheeks and lips. I don’t stop him.

“I love you.” He mumbles in between kisses and eventually the kisses become more needy, more wanting. I felt the deja vu running through my veins.

Conrad slips a hand under my shirt and I pull away quickly. His face turns a crimson shade of red that even I can see in the night, “Fuck— I’m sorry—”

“No, no.” I place my hands on his shoulder. “I just uh—you’re the only.. my um.”

“Oh.” Conrad nods his head in understanding.

“I just, promise me it won’t be like last time?” Even though i knew this was clearly different, I don’t know if I’d ever be able to forget that night. It’s ingrained in my head, everything. Every move, motion, the way his hands curved my body, everything.

“I promise.” I smile and my hands slip under his shirt, slowly taking it off. His body was good, really good. Conrad always was beautiful but in the night was when I found him most enchanting. The way his jaw was extra defined and how his hair fell down.

Conrad is slow to pull my top off, and he stares at me in the thick of the night. “You’re beautiful.”

“Your stuttering, Fisher, have you lost you’re touch?”

“Oh your in for it now.” Conrad leans down and kisses me neck, inching down to my collar bone and a soft moan escapes my lips.

This was beautiful, he was beautiful.

My childhood best-friend, my Conrad.

I’d love him forever, every single part of him. I’ve laughed, Cried, hell, i’ve done so many things for him. But this is the beginning, I know it is.

I lean down to look at the infinity necklace hanging off of my chest, which Conrad has traced circles around. It’s true, I would go endlessly around those curves for him.

I hit myself thinking about how badly i wanted to forget him, but this summer only made me remember him.

Conrad Fisher.

—

THATS IT YALLLL!! I’m crying rn this story means so much to meeee :)) I can’t say it’s fully over because who knows what the future holds (thanks for the quote belly) But i love you all so much and I hope to have more projects soon! Also love that cheesy ass ending 🫶🏻

tag list: @kkrenae @callsignwidow @drikawinchester @johannelis2302nely @allnrsnz @galaxy13sworld @paytonloiselle @i-think-you-are-gr8 @imaspecialpersonwhoneedshelp @awatt31 @user0440822 @jackierose902109 @chocolatefartstrawberry @whoisjellyellie @apollo3475 @watercolorskyy

(tag list never works ugh)

#the summer i turned pretty #conrad fisher #jeremiah fisher #team conrad #belly conklin #conrad x reader #team jeremiah #tsitp #love #summer love #Spotify

[fanfictionlibrary]

I loved your Demetri fanfic! it was so bittersweet and well-written.

your bio says your requests are open? could I perhaps request one for Felix? feel free to let your creative juices flow, but something sweet and fluffy between him and his fem!mate?

Thanks lovely! x

Respectful Humming (Felix x fem!Reader)

The reader's appearance is not specified. She is shorter than Felix, though.

A/N: I let my creative juices 😉 flow for this one. Thanks a lot for this wonderful request. I hope you enjoy it, dear Anonymous. Still, I want to emphasize that I do not write sexual content about characters who are underage. I received a few requests for stuff like that, and I must say that I do not feel comfortable with writing those fics.

“That was a rather tedious trial,” Demetri remarked, carrying himself elegantly through the halls of the Volturi’s castle and putting any décor to shame. He was the most ornate décor to have ever existed anyway. The halls and rooms were lucky to have him. He was a statue created by Michelangelo. 

“Indeed,” Felix replied, treading softly on the stone floor. Despite his gigantic size, he appeared to be levitating.

“I cannot quite fathom why Aro prolonged the trial unnecessarily.” Demetri turned right, heading toward the library. 

“He was in a particularly bad mood today,” Felix explained monotonously. “You know how he can be. It has happened before. He really wanted to see that poor excuse of a vampire suffer.” 

Demetri shrugged nonchalantly. “It shall not concern me.” As he and Felix entered the library, he added, “At least Jane and Alec got their fun out of it.” 

“Exactly.” Felix's eyes scanned the bookshelves and sitting areas worriedly for your form. You had promised you would be here to await him after the end of the trial. But you were nowhere in sight. “The twins are satisfied for now, and they are unlikely to cause mayhem. Although that is never a guarantee.” 

Feeling a heavy weight on his chest, Felix stopped in his track. Standing in the middle of the library, he crossed his arms and used his sensitive ears to locate you. However, neither your heartbeat nor the even sound of your breath seemed to be dwelling in the castle. That was bad. Panic seized him. The world of vampires was wicked and cruel. Had a newborn taken you? Or worse, had one of his ancient enemies broken inside the castle and humannapped you?  For vampires, the worst possible punishment was to lose a mate. 

A mate for a mate. 

Keeping his composure, Felix looked at Demetri, who had sat down at a chess board opposite Heidi. They were flirting ferociously, and although they had been doing this for centuries, they always found new hollow phrases and sweet compliments to charm each other. Their friendship was real, but everyone knew where the two of them would end up. It was the reason why some wished for soundproof rooms. However, the Kings were against such an installment because to run the coven smoothly, their senses needed to have access everywhere at any given time. Traitors, raging newborns, enemies… None of them could have the opportunity to hurt the Volturi’s integrity. 

“So, if I win, how about the whole night this time?” Demetri organized the chess pieces. 

“First, honey, you have to win. Last time I beat you. And how about you start to become more creative. We have done that so many times already.” Heidi giggled sensually. Her flirting was always of the dominant kind. She never behaved submissively. Tilting her head to expose her neck was something she would never do. You had to accept her as the strong woman she was. 

“Hey, Demetri,” Felix called out. “Do you know where (Y/N) is?” 

The vampire shrugged. Clearly, he was uninterested. “I don’t know. If she is not here, she is somewhere else.” A cloud fell over the tracker’s face. “It is a pity that I cannot sense her tenor. But her immunity to gifts is the reason why Aro allowed you to keep her in the first place.” 

A deep growl rumbled through Felix's chest. Demetri ignored his obvious anger, and the giant walked out of the room, seething. He hated the way Demetri and the others talked about you. Like you were a pet only kept for his amusement. Admittedly, vampires mainly see humans as food, and thus, it is most difficult to establish respectful relationships between humans and vampires. Still, Felix would not allow the others to look down on you. At least not in your presence. He ignored slighting remarks when you were not in the same room, knowing that those would be uttered behind his back anyway. 

Anxiously, Felix hurried out of the castle. It was a cloudy day, and the sun was already setting. He didn’t need his cloak. After wandering around for a while and searching for your familiar heartbeat, he found you sitting on a low wall, overlooking the fields and trees expanding in the distance.  

Relieved, Felix sighed. He felt like he was reborn into a human, only to be turned into a vampire again. He was so glad to see you were alright. He came to stand behind you and embraced you lovingly. Unperturbed, you continued to hum softly, dangling your legs in the air. 

“I thought you wanted to meet in the library,” Felix whispered against the shell of your ear. He had to lean down to accomplish this feat of affection since you were shorter than him. Your head, although you were sitting on a raised wall, did not even reach his chin. 

 “I thought so, too. I had been in the library. But Chelsea and Renata came in, and they were not so kind.” 

“What did they do? Did they say something hurtful?” Felix placed soft kisses on your head. 

You shook your head. “That is between me and them. I won’t tell you. Also, as I have mentioned before, I can solve my own conflicts. If I want the others to respect me, I cannot let you fight my battles for me. Otherwise, they will not take me seriously.” 

Oh, strong, cute you… 

Felix picked you up bridal-style, turned you around, and sat you back down. Now you were facing him. His big hands caressed your shoulders. “I know. You have told me that a lot. More than you should have to.” He was obnoxiously protective of you. So much so that at the beginning of your life in Volterra, he tried to shelter you from the others, seeking out confrontations to solve your arguments. For him, this was not about protecting your pride or dignity or anything. Just that he could not allow others to pick a fight with you. However, it quickly turned out that you were the real menace. You did not back down from any conflicts, and if you were facing heavy provocations, you would unleash witty remarks of your own.

“By the way,” Felix began, “I love that you are not frightened anymore when I approach you.” 

You laughed amusedly. “Right, if you had hugged me from behind two months ago, I would have jumped.” A cheeky grin was plastered on your face. You got up, standing on the wall. Felix grabbed you by your hips to stabilize you. Emotionally and physically, he gave you equanimity and equilibrium. “Look. I am taller than you are now.” 

“Barely. I am not sure that counts.” 

“Yes, it does. Even if it’s only a centimeter, Felix.” You rolled your eyes playfully. Then, your gaze became serious. “I was really afraid of you until we reached a certain level of trust. Now, it is like I can almost feel when you are around. I do not need to see you to have that feeling. A special kind of security shrouds my body and mind when you are near. Just now, as I was humming to myself, I felt that you were close and searching for me.” 

Hmm… Was that an early manifestation of your gift? “You are wonderful. Do you know that?” Felix pulled you in by your waist. 

“Of course, I do. You tell me every day.” With a big smile on your face, it was you this time who leant down to kiss him. 

#jane volturi #felix volturi #felix volturi x reader #volterra #volturi #aro volturi #caius volturi #marcus volturi #alec volturi x reader #alec volturi #demetri x reader #demetri volturi #heidi volturi #twilight #love #vampires #vampire #soul mates #mates #renata volturi #chelsea volturi

[lethalchiralium]

Hey if you’re taking requests

NSFW (if you’re comfortable with it) & SFW headcons or one shots with ghost about a reader (afab) who wears overexposing clothing. Has a bit of edgy/grunge style that leaves little to the imagination. The prompt could be how ghost feels about the reader’s clothing and how it affects him. The reader has a nice ass too 🫡

Overexposed | Simon “Ghost” Riley Headcanon (18+)

a/n: GRUNGE STYLE??? W A SIDE OF A NICE ASS??? YOUVE WOUNDED ME.

a/n 2: i’m almost done with the next part of no more and we may actually see the second part of you leave me wounded and bleeding? CRAZY. (i am working on my requests, i promise i’m just trying to clean out my writing notes on my phone)

warnings: 18+!! MINORS DNI. Vague descriptions of sexual activity, body worship, simon is a thigh man. and a boob man. and an ass man.

-He spotted you at a bar. A dinky, old bar where uni students come to get pissed. Pretty face with skin showing almost everywhere, he loved the flame designed stockings when his gaze trailed downwards.

-He kept to himself at the bar, casting few glances to your very revealing outfit, and you.

-When you approached him, he was fully expecting you to spit in his face for even glancing at you, but you did the opposite. You sat on the stool next to him and chatted with him for hours, up until the bar kicked you out. (He was too enraptured by you that he forgot to even ask for your number.)

-The next time he saw you, he immediately recognized you by the clunky platform black boots strapped to your feet, fishnets and black skirt leaving barely an inch of imagination since it rode up your fine-looking ass. You were at the bar, leaning onto it as the bartender made you three fingers of whiskey. (It was like you shot him then. He fell in love when he watched you nurse it.)

-It didn’t take him even twenty minutes before you were in his car, pretty little corset ripped to shreds as he plunged into you, mask up on his nose because he needed to make sure you felt his teeth. He needed to make sure that you felt his tongue on your neck, that you felt only his hands on you.

-It didn’t take long for the relationship to establish. He goes fucking batshit crazy the more skin you show, but good Lord, if you’re in that pair of black joggers and oversized Metallica shirt? You’re done. You’re done for the next 48 hours.

-He is the type of man to stare at someone who even gives you any sort of look, whether appreciation for your fashion or disgust, sexual thoughts or confusion - he will stare at them until they walk out the door.

-Will let you dress him up to match you. Granted, it’s still no skin showing that’s not around his eyes - but damn, does he look good next to you. (He says that you show enough skin for the both of you.)

-He genuinely does not care that you like to wear corsets that show off your breasts or mini skirts that show off your ass. (He loves your ass. Uses it as a pillow 99% of the time.) He is the definition of “Wear what you want, I can fight.”

-Wants you to dress up in front of him so he can sit you in front of the floor length mirror and make you watch as he takes it all off. (Sometimes he’ll cut your clothes off with his knife if he knows you’re not attached to the piece. He would never damage any of your favorite clothing, but damn, he’s cut off too many fishnets for you to count and or care.)

-He loves seeing you excited over new band merch or a new belt, lets you talk about all the outfits you want to complete and that you need a new pair of Docs because your old ones got damaged. (He buys you new Docs and does not realize they have to be broken in, feels bad that you get blisters from them.)

-Ghost shops with you. He holds your bags. No, you can’t help him. He’s got it. Quit asking. Yes, you can get that. You will get anything you want, he’ll buy it with no questions in his mind. He wants you happy - and if that means you get a latex skirt that shows a bit of your ass on the bottom, you’re gonna get the best one.

-He has definitely stared down your breasts because of the very low neckline on your shirt. Purposefully gets up close to look down your boobs, or he’ll make sure he sits on the couch while you’re doing something so he can see that perfect ass that he loves.

-If you have tattoos that aren’t covered by your clothing, he will literally have to clench his jaw from going up to you and dragging you to the bathroom of a raggedy bar to fuck you until you see stars. He loves tattoos.

-Agree with me or not, Ghost is not the type of man to go shopping for lingerie with you. He goes out and browses, taking his time before buying a set he really likes and gifting it to you when you get home. As soon as it’s on, he’ll do one of two things. One, he’ll rip it off immediately and have you against the wall, shaking the bones of his home. Two, he’ll sit in that nice chair in your shared bedroom and jack himself off as you admire yourself in the mirror. (You don’t ever leave much to the imagination, but it gets him off knowing that he is the one who gets to see all of you. That he is the one that dressed you in the pretty bodysuit with black spider web print, looking all pretty just for him. He could fuck his fist for hours if you stayed there, hands running up and down your body and eyes staring at him.)

-If you’re wearing one of your shorter skirts, he’ll come up and squeeze your ass. Just for fun.

-Also known to come up and hold your breasts, not even talk to you. The only thing in his head is ‘Boobs.’

-He is a thigh man. I’ll die on this hill. He loves that you show them off, that you’re confident in your fashion and body. He loves that you purposefully put little thigh chains around them - you know that he loves to drag them down with his teeth.

-In conclusion, man is feral for you. Doesn’t matter if you’re almost showing every little bit or covering up completely, he is smitten.

#simon ghost riley #lethalchiralium #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x f!reader #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley headcanons #simon ghost riley call of duty #simon ghost riley x fem!reader #simon ghost riley cod #simon riley call of duty #simon riley x reader #simon riley #simon riley x you #simon riley cod #simon riley headcanons #lethal chiralium

[iamyoursonly]

In another life (04/01/2023)

guys if this is poorly written please don’t come at me… i just wanted to write something during my exam and it turned out to be this and i actually liked it so i had to share the joy >:) so enjoy? Also it’s in his pov ;)

Maybe in another life, we could be together. Because in this, you and I are just friends.

Soulmates, is that what they call people that are destined to be together no matter what? I believed that you and I were. Since our bond were inseparable no matter our distance; no matter when we see each other; no matter who we fall in love with… But then when I finally thought I really had a chance with you, to love you forever and be with you, you fell in love with another man. That man is not good news according to me, but you didn’t listen to me. You married him and moved away, leaving me alone with my poor heart broken — because I fell in love with you.

Heart shattering, cracking and breaking up. You can hear the piece of my heart trying to reconnect with each other but failing, one after another did it continue to crack. Everywhere I see reminded me of you, first it was the good memories, then it was a good old reality check. Sometimes I wish I could just change reality and stop all this nonsense that’s going on, because he didn’t deserve you. You deserved better than him. But guess love really makes people blind.

Why would you leave for another man though? Why did you not listen to me? Thought our promises were real and we’d be ‘for lifers’ forever? Were you lying all along? All the ‘move in together’ and the trips and the gatherings never happened. For what? For you to play with my feelings? I’m pretty sure everyone has noticed by now that I have had feelings for you since eternity.

You invited me to your wedding, in Germany. I took a flight as fast as I could to attend and tears rolled down my eyes when I saw you walk down the aisle. The tears weren’t happy though, they were showing how sad I was that you weren’t mine. But I was so desperate to be yours, to be your groom. Because he doesn’t know you as well as I do, and I’m the one for you! Your soulmate!

Did you not notice every time I stole glances at you back in high school? When you caught me, you’d just smile and continue concentrating in class. I tried to believe that you may be in love with me and all this was just a prank, but you were already a married woman. I miss these moments, our hangouts, our story time, our daily check-in session, our daily bickering and most importantly — you.

Turning back, the time we had together wasn’t a lot, but it warmed up my heart no matter how cold my hands and feet were. Every conversation had engraved into my soul, and each time I remember them, I smile. No matter how old we’re turning separately, my heart was always for you.

I got married at 35, about ten years after you did. Because I tried to move on from you. My wife, she’s a famous runway model, actress and song writer, and makes more money than I could ever make my whole life. Did I win the lottery just because I happened to successfully ask for her hand in marriage? No. I never won. Because the price I’ve always wanted was you.

I invited you to my wedding, it was in Germany just like yours. And you were sitting on the front row with your husband and two of your children — they looked just like you. And you looked beautiful in that formal dress you wore, it really did show off your curves and how beautiful you actually were. You gave me your best blessings and wished us the best, and it took everything to not burst out in tears and put you in my embrace.

“Hey, congratulations on marrying such a successful queen.” You told me. And I could just fake a smile. You, I wanted you instead.

“Thanks! She’s amazing isn’t she.”

“She is!”

I hoped you’d feel a little bit sad about me getting married to another woman that’s not you, but you didn’t look sad at all. Was it because you’re trying to be happy for me? Or was I simply being delusional. I think the possibility of the second option happening is higher…

Sometimes in the depths of my heart, emotions swirl like a tempestuous storm, and tears cascade down my cheeks, their silent rhythm echoing the ache within. It is a bittersweet symphony that plays within me, for while my heart longs to embrace the one I desire, the realization of my own marital commitment casts a shadow upon my dreams. My wife would find me crying in my sleep and try her best to comfort me, I tried to cry it all into her arms but guess the feeling wasn’t the same when you comforted me.

“Love is the most twisted curse of all.” I’d tell all my students, because from my experience. It didn’t really go well. When it does, congratulations, you have won in life. But when it doesn’t, you’d just be forever indulging in this mess.

I wish to hear you calling my name everyday and that you were around me forever. Like when I call out to you, you’d respond immediately. Maybe in my dreams I could close my eyes and start to envision our next life together. Two children, one that resembles me and the other resembles you. And we’re living somewhere far away, so that we can finally enjoy the peace and quietness you liked. You’d call out ‘Satoru, Satoru’ when you needed me, and we could own a farm! Live on the bare necessities but be as happy as we could be. I couldn’t help but hide my smile as I think about this.

As of right now, I wish you were in my embrace instead of this bouquet of white roses. When I put them down on your grave, I could only pray that the next time we get old, we have to do it together. In another life, when I could finally call you my wife.

masterlist

#jujutsu kaisen #drabble #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo and you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #satoru gojo #gojo x reader #jjk gojo #hehe #gojo x y/n #jujutsu gojo #gojo fluff #gojo saturo #gojou satoru x reader #my love #GOJO POV

[lexa-griffins]

I was not ready to read about Lilah and Lexa's complicated relationship 😭 I understand why Lilah thinks and behaves the way she does as she constantly compares her two moms and prefers to spend more time with Jenny since she's cooler and less restrictive than Lexa. How many times has Jenny upset Lilah with another broken promise? How does Lexa comfort her sad daughter? Is there an event where Lilah gets an epiphany that Jenny might not be the best mom? I want all of them to have a happy ending

Both kids, but especially Delilah, have Jenny on a pedestal. She's a journalist who's constantly traveling all over the world, she brings them cool gifts and for the one weekend a month she has them she lets them eat and do whatever they want. I mean, what is a boring primary school teacher next to an international journalist, right? The kids just don't realize the reason Jenny can have that life is because she barely has them with her. They dont realize that the reason they went from seeing Jenny every 2 weeks to once a month was because Jenny requested it and not the other way around. But Lexa also knows how much her kids adore Jenny, and they already have her talking shit about Lexa, so Lexa refuses to talk shit about Jenny back. But that also means Lexa is the bad guy when anything happens and Jenny is the savior who can give the kids everything they want as long as she isn't taking care of their daily needs.

Jenny is constantly promising both kids stuff she doesn't keep. And granted, most of the time it's work related stuff she can't refuse but it is still putting her job and her wants in front of the kids and it does break them heart everytime. Alex is used to it, or at least he pretends he is okay with it but Delilah always takes it so hard. She adores her mom. Because she never lived with Jenny full time except when she was a newborn, being with Jenny is always so exciting, its like having a cool aunt who takes ever everywhere.... because thats almost what Jenny is, an aunt that comes around once a month, hell, even aunt Anya sees them more often!

Lexa always does her best to comfort Delilah particularly, who wil cry and sob and slam her bedroom door when she learns they aren't seeing mom this month. More drawings Delilah did for her are added to the pile for next month and she just misses her you know? She tries, she really does. And luckily Delilah tends to be receptive to that comfort, the cuddles and take out dinner, going bowling or to the movies just to get their heads out of it. But then there are those times where Delilah blames it on Lexa. A part of her always blames Lexa every since Jenny told her she wanted to stay together as a family but Lexa asked for the divorce. For Delilah, Lexa broke their family apart before Delilah even got to be a full part of it. Alex gets it so much better. He was small but he remembers the screaming, he remembers Delilah only a few months old crying while Lexa struggled to deal with her and Alex and get the house in order while keeping up with her job. He remembers the look of sadness on Lexa's face that would disappear for a few minutes when she had both her babies in her arms when everything else seemed to be falling apart.

Luckily, when Delilah has the realization that Jenny was rather neglectful during their childhood, Jenny as turned a page and become more involved. And Clarke is the big reason for that. Because she is the one who screams at Jenny with tears in her eyes that she's hurting these precious kids and that Lexa is constantly picking up the pieces when she says she cant see them again and yet she has the time to fly in and try to tell Lexa that she can't date a woman so much younger than her simply because she she says so and use the kids she barely sees as an excuse.

A bit of a spoiler but Lexa and Clarke adopt a kid of about 12 when Alex is in college and Delilah is ending high school. And I think that's when Delilah fully realizes the shit Jenny put her through. Because while Clarke's income surely helps a lot when it comes to the financial burdens Lexa had, Delilah sees Lexa be the mom she always was to her and Alex and realize how much she ignored Lexa's efforts to elevate Jenny's who where barely efforts at all. And how Clarke is nothing like Jenny, how it becomes clear that her mom was never the problem but her other mom was the one who wasn't set to be a parent and instead blamed her short comings on the parent that tried her best for her kids.

Lilah has a talk with Lexa a bit before she leaves for college and apologizes for all but Lexa tells her she has nothing to apologize for. Lexa should have fought agaisnt Jenny harder and while she's glad Clarke made her see how she was treating her kids and her ex, Lexa feels like she should have been the one to have the guts to tell her all of that. But she was tired of constantly fighting and they were divorced and Lexa was scared that now that they were older and asked with who they wanted to be with they would both choose Jenny. Lexa can handle losing everything, but not her kids. They have a good cry about it and whiwl their relationship was so much better now, it really healed some wounds for before :)

#letter opened #au: milf!lexa #oof thats a long answer 😅

[lollytea]

Random thought, but i kinda want Perry Porter and Mattholomule interaction in the aftermath of the Day of Unity. Perry is distraught looking for Gus, and Matt very awkwardly tries to reassure him, and Perry promises to help Matt find Steve.

I could see Mattholomule getting separated from his parents while all three of them are out looking for Steve. And he's having a difficult time finding anybody because there are people everywhere and it's chaos and he's tiny and keeps getting lost in the crowd.

Mattholomule hasn't seen Steve in person in about a month. He hasn't heard from him since a little after the Hexside Invasion when they had a pensta convo over how the Emperor's Coven kinda sucked honestly.

"Does this mean you're gonna quit now?" Mattholomule had asked.

"Idk what I'm gonna do little man" Steve had responded.

That had been the last message from Steve. Since then? Radio silence.

Their parents are scared half to death. Mattholomule swears that when he finds that idiot he's gonna punch him. Then hug him. Then punch him again.

And at some point Mattholomule happens upon Perry Porter, who's on his hands and knees, desperately trying to piece a shattered crystal ball back together so he can make a broadcast to the Isles and get a message out to his son. He's muttering under his breath in his news anchor voice, practising what he's going to say.

Perry has tried to "text" Augustus several times but has gotten no response. He's even attempted a "live stream" as that's how all the kids are getting their news these days but he couldn't figure out to work the stupid thing. Maybe Augustus was right. Maybe he was too set in his ways. Maybe he should have sat down and paid attention when Augustus offered to teach him how penstagram worked.

There were a lot of cases where he should have paid more attention to Augustus. Maybe if he was a more attentive father he would have noticed his son (who was legally a wanted criminal) sneaking out of the house 24 hours before the Day of Unity. If Perry had just been more alert, his son wouldn't have disappeared without a trace.

"Yeah no offense, Mr. Porter but I don't think there's anything you could've done." Says Mattholomule. He's sat down next to Perry, helping him puzzle out the broken glass. "If Augustus sets his mind to something, nothing is gonna stop him. He's a jerk like that. And I get that you're a good Dad or whatever but he woulda found a way around you."

"How? You really think a thirteen year old boy could outsmart me?" Perry asks.

Mattholomule flushes. He's never been the most polite kid to be around but he's always felt compelled to have some semblance of manners around his only friend's father.

Before he can stutter out a "I didn't mean it like that!" Perry quietly chuckles.

"Because you're correct, he could. Augustus is smarter than the best of us. I raised a genius and I guess I have to deal with the consequences. I can only hope that big brain of his has kept him safe."

"Ehh. Usually does." Matt shrugs dismissively. "That and his stupid illusions. You should see the stuff that kid can do in a fight. Betcha he could make an army of scouts piss their pants."

"Language."

"Oh. Sorry."

"But I hope you're right. Smart as he is, it's only recently that he's learned how to use magic to defend himself. He's never been much for duels."

There's a silence as this sinks in. Sure, Gus can handle himself. Mattholomule has seen him in action.

But...

Sometimes it's just by the skin of his teeth.

"I think Willow is with him." Perry mentions suddenly, as if reading Mattholomule's mind. "Harvey told me she snuck out too. And I hope she's found but....it's a comfort to think she's by his side."

"For what it's worth, it's probably not just her. I bet he's also got the homeless guy with him."

Perry blinks "Homeless guy?"

"Y'know. That one dude. The one Gus spends all his free time with now. Golden Guard turned homeless guy."

"You mean Hunter?"

Mattholomule snaps his fingers. "That's the bitch!"

"Language."

Mattholomule offers to show him how to stream properly to get this message out to Augustus and Perry cannot thank him enough.

After a series of trial and error, Perry realizes that repairing the crystal ball just simply isn't going to happen. Mattholomule could have told him that but felt he should humor him to prevent his mental breakdown from escalating.

He figures that, if anything, the methodical work of puzzle solving at least steadied Perry's anxiety. Now if he wants to make a broadcast, he'll at least have some composure.

"Before we start, could you do me a solid and request that a special man named Steve get his ass home immediately?" Asks Mattholomule peering over his scroll camera.

"Steve..." Mutters Perry, straightening his collar. "That's your brother, isn't it? The Coven Scout?"

"Oh....yeah....how'd you guess?"

"Let's..." He swallows. "Let's start the stream now, okay?"

"Augustus." Perry grins. "You're one of his closest friends. You really think he doesn't talk about you?"

The following silence is palpable. Mattholomule doesn't trust himself to speak for a long moment.

Perry's delivers Mattholomule's request to mention Steve amidst his plea for Augustus to return home. The comments are disheartening. Nobody has seen him. Nobody has seen either of them.

"Guess I gotta keep looking." Mattholomule sighs. "Titan, I can't wait to clobber this freak once I see him again."

"I'll help you." Says Perry.

"What?"

"I'll help you find your brother. It's the least I can do."

Mattholomule shifts uncomfortably. "Oh. Uh. I-I know you're going through a lot right now. Looking for Augustus n' all so it's fine if you don't wanna--aAGH!"

Mattholomule is promptly whisked off his feet and is planted atop Perry Porter's shoulders. "You can see better from up here, right?"

"Uh--I--...yeah I guess I can..."

"Excellent! We should find Steve in no time!"

Perry says nothing but this is nostalgic for him. Augustus used to ride on his shoulders when he was little. It had had stopped not too long ago actually, when Witch Puberty had added too many pounds for Perry to handle.

But Mattholomule is light as a feather. But obviously, no teenage boy wants to be told that so Perry wisely keeps his lips buttoned.

"Hey." Mattholomule says quietly. "After we find Steve and I finish pummelling him, I'm sure he'll help us look for Augustus."

"Sure" was an understatement. Mattholomule was certain that Steve would travel to the ends of the Titan's bones if it meant finding his brother's best friend. Not like his brother had many to spare.

"Thank you, Mattholomule." Says Perry, bracingly squeezing the boy's calves. "I appreciate it."

#i didnt want to write a fic so i just wrote a big chunk of dialogue

[the-princess-of-loki]

Love again

Pairing: Loki x Fem!You

Warnings: none, really. Just fluff and angst if you want. Tell me if I missed something!

A/N: Pic's not mine, I just found it on Pinterest. All credits to the creator!

You have put so much effort into this gala. So many sleepless nights, so much stressing out, so many calls. Everything had to be perfect. And it was. Until you saw him. Loki was standing there, dressed in his all-black Gucci suit, as if nothing has happened. Well, for him, nothing happened. It was you who ended up with your heart broken into a million pieces when he tried to use you as a human shield in his master plan to conquer Earth. He had said so many beautiful words, had made so many promises, just to end up using you when it was most convenient and then throwing you away when he didn’t need you anymore. How could he? How could he be here, in this gala, which was purposefully to raise money for the destruction he caused? How dare he look at you with the same loving green eyes? This time you wouldn’t fall for it. You wouldn’t buy his facade of love. You knew better. You knew he was incapable of loving you. He may love someone else, but not you. That was abundantly clear.

You turned around as fast as your high heels allowed you, only to find yourself trapped in those cold but strong arms of his. You tried to fight him, even when you knew it was futile. Loki was much stronger and more stubborn than you. You looked down at the floor and sighed when a scent of his natural cinnamon aroma invaded your nostrils. Why did he have to be so damn attractive? He passed one of his arms through your waist and his free hand went up to caress your cheek with the most delicate of touches as if he were afraid to break you. Too late for that: he has already wrecked you.

“My love, please do not run away from me,” he whispered almost in your ear since he was so close and you were looking at everywhere but him. However, his sentence enraged you. You looked him in his green eyes, trying your hardest to fight back the tears and don’t make a scene.

“I am not your love and I don’t want to be around you. Now, let me go,” you hissed. He looked like he was truly hurt by your words. 

Do not let him fool you again, you thought while grinding your teeth.

“What have I done to deserve such a treatment from my princess?” You looked at him surprised. Has he lost his memory? What was this game he was playing? Anyway, you knew he was up to no good.

“What have you done, you say? This entire gala is to repair a little of what you destroyed. What’s more, you used me like a pawn in your game of death and horror. Are you seriously asking what have you done?” You were furious but you kept your tone low so nobody but him could hear you. 

“Love, I know I’ve made mistakes, terrible ones. But I wasn’t in my mind. You have to believe me,” He pleaded while looking into your eyes. You rolled your eyes at him.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” You once again tried in vain to put some space between your bodies.

“I have come to repair the damage I have done. You have shown me true love when all I received from others was hate and I am here to fight for that love because it’s mine. As my love is yours,” Loki once again caressed your cheek with his fingertips and you saw sadness in his green eyes.

“Your love was never mine. And my love is not yours anymore,” You lied to him and yourself at the same time. Even though you wanted to believe your words were real, you knew deep down in your heart that they weren’t. “You have nothing to do here, less so with me,” You insisted after you gulped down the lump in your throat.

“You would be right if your words were true. I am the God of Lies, darling, you cannot lie to me,” he grabbed your chin with two of his long fingers. “Look into my eyes, love. Tell me you notice the difference. Do you love me so little that you do not notice it? Please, princess, look into them and tell me what is it that you see,” You couldn’t escape his look even if you wanted to. You felt your knees trying to give up on you as his green eyes made you shiver.

“I-I don’t want to be here with-with you…” You stuttered in vain. Just then, the stroke of the old clock started to sound, signalling that the mid of the night had arrived.

“Look, love, it is midnight. It is the opportunity we need. It signals the start of a new day, and a new day means a new chance. Princess, tell me that your love for me is gone, for real this time, and I will not trouble you anymore.”

You opened your mouth to answer him but no sound came out of it. Why couldn’t you say it? Why couldn’t you tell him that you didn’t want him anymore? Why was it so hard for you to even pronounce a simple word? You were under his spell as you were from the moment you met him. His intense gaze didn’t cease and you started to feel lightheaded just because of it. Everything around you started to blur and the only thing you were able to recognise was the handsome God of Mischief. 

Loki took your silence as your answer and he inched his face closer to you until your lips touched in the most delicate kiss. It was so soft that it seemed like feathers touching your lips and your body warmed because of it. The pressure of his thin lips was so light that you wondered if you were dreaming. You kept your eyes closed even when you didn’t feel his kiss anymore, for fear that you were going to wake up into an empty bed and a pillow full of tears.

“You are my beloved princess. My love belongs to you only as your love belongs to me only.”

“Yes, it does,” You admitted in a whisper.

#Loki #Loki of Asgard #Loki of Jotunheim #Loki Odinson #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Friggason #God of Mischief #Loki God of Mischief #Loki on Earth #Loki fluff #Loki x you #Loki x female reader #Loki x reader #Loki x reader fluff #Loki x female reader fluff #MCU #MCU fluff #Loki's Day

[prophecyinpink]

The system is fundamentally broken and there is no way to fix it because the wealthy profit from these flaws.

When I was young, my generation was promised that things would get better. That things would change. That everyone could achieve greatness if they just put in enough effort. And so many of us fell for it. It is hard to find someone to hold accountable for this shitshow. The media? Society? Good luck trying to get those to change their ways. The wealthy? Most of them would rather die than give up their wealth for the betterment of others. They'd rather watch a useless number go up. Because once you reach a certain level of wealth there is no realistic way to spend it in a lifetime. So they could just redistribute their wealth. Gove money to the poor. Charity. And I'm not talking about the occasional "oh I donated 100k to disaster relief after an earthquake." While 100k is a lot of money, it pales in comparison to the amount of wealth these people have available. Imagine your neighbour donating 3 cents to the city's infrastructure everytime an accident happens at the crossroads with the broken streetlights. Sure, eventually they might have enough money to fix the issue, but is the neighbour's contribution really what made it happen? It's more of a symbolic thing, especially if that neighbour owns a car repair business qnd actively makes a profit every time an accident occurs.

What am I getting at here? I don't know. I'm angry. I'm disappointed. Everywhere I look people praise this forsaken piece of absolute garbage that is the capitalist system and those who speak against it have no power to change it. No, that's not entirely true. The power to change it is there, but as time goes on my hope for a peaceful change slowly rots away. The decaying flesh desperately holding onto the bones and refusing to fall off, because it is the only thing holding them back. And the bones crave violence.

So here we are. Holding onto hope. Because if we don't, we have to admit that violence is the only choice we have left. And that is not an option we want to take. Because to fix the system we'd need cataclysmic changes. And to achieve cataclysmic changes we'd need unprecedented violence. So we wait. And we hope. That some day, somehow, people in power realise this. That they bleed just like everyone else. And when the pot boils over, they will suffer just like everyone else.

#rant #vent #capitalism #i am tired #tired of all this bullshit

[30306-home]

i got these rolls of 8mm film from j.robinson… the second time in ‘21 that, so i typically, i ran into him- no way out… it was okay though bc he was a lot nicer than the first time (which i’m having trouble getting to- and involved news of awful thing hope had done (when i do get there, and i guess thing is kind of a backwards segway, the biggest thing is that i… this really wouldn’t be important unless i had a really good reason to get it out, and embarrassing her or anything like that is the very very very last thing i thing i want to happen- maybe it’s even beyond the point of her name being attached anyway, and more about the repercussions in that have been so massive for me. it’s not something to just adapt to it and time has been everything but helpful. it’s not even a “healing” type thing. it’s like a broken thing that i am left all the little pieces everywhere i look and it’s not a thing i can let get the best of me, like it has- but is positively not sustainable, i’m out of patience, i can’t get too tired or angry or scared or intimidated to give in . i don’t have another plan (in general, it’s not a “plan” bc that implies that “changing” an option. there’s tons and tons of room to move around and have nothing predictable, as a “plan” would). there’s no way i’d let anything so trivial force my life in any direction that takes away that kind of choice, and it never had any business here in the first place.

i was saying, the film strips… i didn’t finish that part, but i started talking for whatever it’s worth.

back to finish that thought:

the, i retrieved 8mm film, i do not have tons of them that are already on reels and at j. rs’s house- he’s not keeping me from them- i’m not keeping him from his baby book, we just never did that part, and, i’m sorta glad bc there’s even been time to really talk about anything, what’s up (no i honestly don’t think either of us can answer that and or are settle with its lingering, complexity of such a multifaceted relationship- one that’s never faced interference like this, others up in it’s business, being taken advantage of- in every way but the best interest of either of us. more later, but it was a success and yes, hope involved herself…as far as she knows and needs to know it was a success. problem is, besides slighting is both (accidentally/unknowingly j.ro, aimed (why?) at me), by the time that was put together, the tributaries have traveled far.

please consider this a very special writing circumstance that isn’t meant to confuse, but will hit a lot of that, move backwards, forwards, skip chapters for the sake of accomplishing what comes up holds promise at it’s own chosen time. it’s the most doable strategy i can come up with, and right now the only thing missing is “doable”. won’t allow details to take over… can quickly turn “undoable”. this is an excessive amount of prefacing- spanning months/years? i will probably repeat myself by you can accept that, too, bad engrish, hopping, etc- okay. and if you can’t that’s okay, too! i’m just getting a bit out of my head and any bit sound reason is all i hope for… anything really, at all, i’ll take teensy teensy. current state- not okay, no reason, nothing more expected. a comfortable believable area that’s life me in the dust. (and i’m SO nervous to sound “oh poor me”- it just is on me or no body. i should never even know of this experience in life, and it was easy breezy for most of my life (the other part that doesn’t seem to fit). good god, the films. short version, this is all my sweet precious GEM of a dad (j’ro and hope can back that, they were both moved by him… best part- my dad is so innocently oblivious to it all). so i’ve surprised him by digitizing (oh the death of me) these here, will be editing for life- like 70 or something, but only a fraction compared to the rest on reels - which he is aware exist. i don’t think he’s ever seen any, but major things like the worlds fair are missing (possibly even some of his dad who died when he was 7). i’m the sole one that somehow wrangled that house of 4 generations, notebooks and book and films (extreme patience things) being the bulk. he’s hesitantly asked me about the others and i’ve hesitantly said in a shaky voice under my breath that “they are safe and sound………… and ummmmmmmmm at j.ro’s house” and “to not worry, i’ll figure it out, i promise, i’ll just figure it out and they’ll be right here”. my dad asks for NOTHING- he needs nothing, he’s happy and healthy and generous to death. he WILL have those films, projector and all. but not not tomorrow- and not until things are like HE, who ADORE’S j. ro, are back to life. we’re not looking at million years beyond tomorrow either. this is on me- and i’m less than harmless, so and junk, shouldn’t be mine to clean up- but i’m happy to for the love of them both. how? i’m trying to get there, it’s just not going to be an easy ride.

i’m sure i’m repeating that there is/always will be a place in my heart and priceless memories with hope- it a situation, and she’s just in it, and although it’s not accessible to me, it didn’t just walk of, you know it in there, too.

there’s anger here, and i feel extremely guilty and conflicted about expressing anything like that about someone with far too much already… and criticism? with love? i’ve had some major blows, that were deliberate decisions. i’ve really tried to find a way for them to make sense… just a little off the rails in traumatic times and a not acceptable normalcy. it’s like i’ve made some 100% unavoidable life altering “mistakes”(?), so i can’t not worry about everything now- how can i know if this won’t result in that? it’s not to cause anyone any harm, just to untangle some damage done on my end- only so i can be just okay… that= okay=amazing in my world now….. oh good lord the world. i will not stop trying to practice-DEETS LATER, BULLET POINTS NOW. i said i will not stop trying… since it can be jumpy maybe i will do scary parts just fast and quickly take and a special occasion ambien night to celebrate. you’re so going to be, what?? after all this i was expecting something GOOD!!!!

[belamcandas]

headcanon 001.

the night that dante and his mom stopped talking had been a busy one, his manager was swearing up and down the house, people calling to see if dante could give a statement. his social media blowing up in his face, people defending them or hoping they'd fall off the face of the planet. in the chaos of it all there was a moment of silence when dante had found samuel in his room building legos, his hands shaking slightly. there were too many people in the house, more than his little brother was comfortable with. dante is a lot of things, but he's loyal to those that he deems worthy, and he'd always put his siblings first. he remembers sitting down across from him, reaching out to grab one of the pieces of the set they've been on and off building for a month now. dante had been so busy being everywhere else that he forgot to be here. "i think i'm going to have to live with my dad and sisters for a bit. until i settle on a place." dante says quietly, he looks at his brother who furrows his brow. his mouth twitches at the side. he was just a kid then, still a kid now in dante's eyes, but he's used to seeing this ugly side to his brother and dante hates that. "i don't want you to go," samuel had said back. "i know," dante never cried but he felt like it. the last time he cried had been when he was a kid. he learned from a young age on how to compartmentalize your emotions in boxes, especially when it came to the press. "mom and i aren't very good for each other." he ran his fingers through his brother's hair like their mum used to do when they were much smaller. "we love each other, but i don't think we can.. i don't think we can coexist in each other's lives like this anymore." he promised that he was still going to see his brother. he still hasn't broken that one yet.

#━━ ❛❛ // DANTE DOMINGUEZ HERRERA ! ¦ you were always gold to me . 「 ft. samuel guerrero ! 」 #dysfunctional family tw #━━ ❛❛ // DANTE DOMINGUEZ HERRERA ! ¦ something is happening to me a change that i can’t see . 「 headcanons ! 」

[bluepenguinstories]

Remoras Full Chapter LXXXII: Swimming With the Sharks

He pulled his sword out and Astraea fell to the floor. At the same time, I gave the wall another good whack and it finally started to crack, until it all shattered. Aion had began to walk away, as maybe there was an exit in the back, but as much as he shouldn’t have gotten away, something else was more important.

I fell to her side, dropped my hammer, and held her in my arms. She wasn’t heavy at all. It was like there was nothing to her anymore.

“Please. Please. I know you can get up. I know you can heal from this. I know you,” I cried and begged, but none of them had any effect. My tears fell onto her. I thought for a second they could have been magical and crying on her would wake her up. But it didn’t.

My breathing got fast and the tears got heavier. My face stretched and I was making sounds now, but not whole words. I just shook there.

This can’t happen. There has to be some miracle, something that would fix this.

“Get away from her,” Aion said in a low voice.

I turned and looked up at him. He was close to me, and he had his sword pointed at me. I let go of her and held onto my hammer. No matter what happened, I’d defend myself from him.

“I can’t promise you that thing is fully dead. For your own safety, get away,” he warned.

“Shut up! You’re the one who did this!” I yelled at him. He didn’t move from his spot.

“Move. I’m not afraid to kill a child. I’ve done it before.”

“Grr!” I growled at him and held my hammer tighter.

The others behind me were about to rush in and beat him up, but they stopped as soon as their weapons broke down into little tiny pieces.

“Wh...what?” Demetria looked down at her broken down switchblade knife that had fallen into bits of metal before fading away into dust.

The same happened with Remora’s pole, and Nemesis’s armor. Her sword, too.

“Oh, right. Now that the angel’s dead, your weapons are no more. Thought that would be obvious, but I guess not,” Aion shrugged. “Either way, there should be no more threats to humanity. You may hate me, may even think of me as evil, but at least the world is safe. Now --”

He got punched in the face. At first I thought it was Nemesis, but no: it was Ray.

“Hey! What gives, Ray?!” Aion rubbed his cheek, “that actually kinda hurt.”

“Do you have any idea what you did?! My daughter’s a wreck because of you! That was her best friend!”

“I told you this play wasn’t child friendly! What were YOU thinking?!” Aion shouted back.

My face was wet and my mouth felt queasy. Like I was about to throw up everywhere. Worse, there was a shaking feeling.

The shaking was on the outside. I opened my eyes, still blurred out from the tears, and Astrea’s head, it leaned back before its mouth opened wide.

“Astraea?” I asked.

Out from her mouth shot out a long, black vine that went higher and higher and broke through the ceiling. More vines formed from within the vines until it was thicker, almost like tree bark. Like a tree was about to take root.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Aion said while looking up. I got a good look at him and he looked really surprised. His mouth hung low. He adjusted his suit and began to take a few steps back. “Guess that’s my cue to leave.”

Before he got on that stage and behind that curtain, a vine fell over him and squished him. I couldn’t believe it, and the vine that fell spread out until it looked like it was burrowing into the ground and taking root.

Ray pulled me up by the back of my collar.

“We have to go!” He shouted.

“But Astraea!”

“I know,” he shook his head and frowned.

He carried me away in his arms as we all ran out. I waved my hands behind him and wanted to reach for Astraea, but I was too far. I kept crying on the way back, even as everything fell behind us. All the pillars, all the bricks, they all fell and the sky outside was poking in.

A few days later:

It’s been weird. I haven’t eaten much. Hecate has made me some soup. Others have tried to make food for me, too. I just don’t feel good when I try to eat.

When we first came back home from that awful place, we were all shaken and looked bad. I had some of Astraea’s blood on my denim overalls and my tie-dye shirt underneath. Things got weird right away.

“What was that tree thing?” Nemesis asked. “And where did my armor go?”

“It came out of Astraea,” I said, even though I wanted to be quiet.

“Astraea? Who’s that?”

“My best friend! She just died!” I shouted at her and tears filled my face again.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”

I ran off into my room. She didn’t try to follow.

Over the next couple of days, people would see me in a bad mood and ask what was wrong. I told them that it was obvious and that Astraea died, so of course I’d be sad, but they would only ask who she was or be confused. Not just Nemesis or Hecate or Proserpina or Calen or Cael, but people who should have known her.

“Don’t know who that is, sorry,” Demetria said.

“You know her! You met her! You’ve been suspicious of her this whole time and Aion killed her!”

“I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that,” she squinted and crossed her arms, “he seems like a bad guy. Just the vibe I get.”

“But don’t you know why?”

“Yeah. He, uh. We were all there. You were upset and Ray said we needed to go to Khaldaia, and then he was there and…”

“And?”

She scrunched up her face and put her hand on her head.

“I don’t know! I know it was something, okay?”

She walked away and she looked frustrated.

Then, there was the same with Remora:

“Have you talked about Astraea before? I don’t recall.”

“Yes! She died! Why are you doing this?” I thought maybe they were all joking around. But no, Remora looked confused, and more so than her usual confused look.

“Who was she?”

“My friend! She was...um...an angel, I guess.”

Remora leaned back in her seat and looked worried.

“What kind of angel do you mean?”

“You should know this! Those spooky outer space things!”

“But...if that’s possible...then she’s not dead, and we have much worse things to worry about.”

“No! Stop that!”

Not even Ray was any help. And he should have known, right? He was there. He pulled me out to safety. But he was no good too:

“Do you remember a few days ago when we left that golden place?” I asked him. He wasn’t at his usual desk. He was upstairs, way upstairs, in the bedroom. My heart shook. I was already expecting to be let down.

“Yeah. It collapsed. I was so scared I’d lose you,” he sat at the edge of his bed. He looked worn out. “I still don’t know what happened to Sunny or if I’ll ever see her again. This whole thing has been out of my control. I should have never let him in.”

“You lost Sunny and I lost Astraea.”

“You lost someone too?” He asked.

There it was. He forgot too. Even though he was there. Next to me. He said he knew when he left, didn’t he? So why wasn’t he acting like he knew now?

I wanted to yell at him, but I didn’t, and I just nodded while tears filled my eyes.

“Yeah.”

I remember him hugging me. I don’t think it really helped.

Everyone forgot about her. At first I thought it was a mean prank, but no one seemed to ever say, “just kidding,” and besides, it would have been really mean to do so anyway. But it was also mean to forget, wasn’t it? And if they all forgot…

...why didn’t I?

After a while, I stopped bringing her up.

The others could still tell something was wrong and that I felt bad, so I just made things up whenever they did. Like, “grandma got sick and I want her to get better,” or if I wanted to be more honest, I’d say, “I miss Sunny.” Everyone remembered Sunny, and I really did miss her. But I was the only one who missed Sunny and Astraea.

If I thought things would get any better at home, they didn’t.

First, there was the flight. Cybele was nice enough. I couldn’t remember if she ever met Astraea, but I know she’d forget anyway, so I didn’t bring her up. Still, as we went up in the sky, I saw that series of vines, I saw the tree going higher and higher into the sky, with many branches stretching out. Maybe eventually they would block out the clouds, and the sun, and…

I didn’t know what it was, but I could tell Aion was wrong about something: he didn’t kill an angel, he just took away my friend.

He might have died too. One of those things fell on him, after all. That part was weird, too, because if he knew all that about her, shouldn’t he have known that something like that would happen? I would have said that it was good that he died and that it was revenge and that we were even now, but we weren’t. She still died and he got to get away.

At home, grandma and grandpa were happy to see me. So was Fetch. He wagged his tail and licked me. That didn’t make me happy.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Grandma asked me.

“Is Astraea here?” I asked. I should have known better. No one back at the other home remembered her.

“Who?”

“My sister. My friend. Is she in my room?”

“Hun. You’re the only one who lives here. That’s how it’s always been.”

I knew that wasn’t true. But nobody else could figure it out.

I ran into my room, only to find that she wasn’t there: her clothes were there, some in the laundry basket, some on the floor. There was clothes of hers in the dresser drawer. The blankets, the plushie, the video game thing, they were all on the bottom bunk of the bed. Nothing was changed from when I left. Except that she wasn’t there to greet me.

“Astraea! Where are you?” I shouted.

Grandma and grandpa came running in.

“Oh, what’s all the fuss? Everything OK?” Grandpa asked.

“This bunk bed!” I pointed up. “Why do we have it if I’m the only kid here?”

I know I must have looked mad, and it did make me really mad that no one seemed to remember. It wasn’t right. Wasn’t that the least anyone could do? To just remember. But I wasn’t just mad, I didn’t want to give up. I thought if I tried hard enough, maybe someone could remember.

“It’s just something we have,” he said and looked confused.

“But we don’t have it for no reason! You built it, remember?”

Grandpa looked at grandma.

“Did I? I thought for sure we bought it at the store.”

“I don’t remember going to the store for it, or you bringing it home,” grandma corrected, “maybe we just always had it.”

I stomped my foot.

“Hey. There’s no reason for that,” grandpa waved his hand out and gave a nervous laugh.

“It was a single bed! You added another bed to it so Astraea wouldn’t sleep on the floor! There was me and there was Astraea! You let her live here with me even though you didn’t know her because you knew how important she was to me!”

“Are you making things up again?” Grandma smiled. It was so rude.

“No! I’m not!”

“We wouldn’t just let someone we didn’t know live here. That doesn’t sound like a good idea,” grandma shook her head.

“But you did!” I cried. “you liked her too, didn’t you? She may have been weird, but she was nice, too!”

“I just...I don’t know,” grandma scratched her head.

“I guess it would explain the bunk bed, but…” Grandpa sounded concerned, too.

It was useless. I ran past them and out of the house. They tried to grab me but I was too strong and too fast. I went out into the back yard and fell into the grass and cried.

Grandma and grandpa didn’t try to follow me out.

But something nudged against me. A poke?

“Is that you...Astraea?” I asked, and looked over.

But instead, I got a lick on my cheek and saw Fetch.

“Oh. It’s just you, Fetch. I bet you don’t remember her, either. I don’t think you two were very close.”

I sat up, my knees folded, and I looked down. I wouldn’t stop crying even if no one else remembered.

Fetch put his face in my lap and closed his eyes. I knew it didn’t help, but I petted the top of his head anyway.

I laughed a little.

“I can’t believe I thought you were Astraea,” I wiped away tears from my face. “I guess I keep expecting her to be around even though I saw her die. She had a lot of powers, so that’s weird, too. Shouldn’t she have been able to stop it? I know I’m mad at that Aion guy, but I’m mad at her, too. Why would she let that happen? Why would…”

I stopped petting him.

“I don’t know what’s worse: that I still remember her and expect her to show up again or that everyone else has forgotten her as if she never existed.”

Of course, the weirdness didn’t end there. It only started there.

At school, no one else remembered her. But it also wasn’t like they forgot her, either.

“Ready to fight after school?” Hammond ran up to me and put his fist in his palm. Rhubarb was right behind him and caught him in a headlock.

“I think I’m going to skip wrestling club today,” I told them.

“What? Why?”

“Because…” I wasn’t going to make the same mistake as before. I could make something up, though. “Because I want to spend time with my sister.”

“Oh, yeah. Ashley, right?”

What? Ashley?

“Really? I thought her name was Alexa,” Rhubarb said.

“No. I clearly remember. We were at her place once. It’s Asher!”

“Neither of you have been to my house,” I shook my head.

“Really? Huh.”

That was more than forgetting, wasn’t it? Well, I tried to forget about it, and maybe they were just being weird for other reasons, but when I went to class, I noticed there was an empty seat in the back. The teacher called everyone’s names.

“Tigershark?” The teacher asked.

“Here,” I said.

“Azzzzzzzt,” her mouth made little static noises and it looked for a moment like wires hung from the teacher’s mouth.

I looked over to the empty desk, but it wasn’t all empty. It looked like little bits of static were jumping around and lots of rectangles danced about in different colors. I thought I could see the outline of something, but…

“Okay, class! Pay attention! We have many lessons to get to!” The teacher clapped. I looked back at the teacher, and there were no wires in her mouth. I raised my hand.

“Yes?”

“Who’s name did you call after mine?”

“What do you mean? Yours was the last name I called.”

“Oh. Right,” I lowered my hand.

But it wasn’t. I heard something.

I tried to think of other things. Other weird stuff happened over the next couple of days, but the first day back at school was the worst. Everyone forgot after that.

I should have too. It was easier to forget, right? But I didn’t want to.

See, everyone else lost their weapons, but I kept my hammer. Why? Astraea gave it to me, just like all those other weapons came from her. And they were all gone. Maybe mine didn’t have magical powers, but shouldn’t it have broken down?

Well, okay. Not weird enough.

I don’t think the world wanted to forget, either.

The tree thing that was left back at the arctic grew bigger and I only knew because I saw it even from grandma and grandpa’s house. It was getting wider, and yet it didn’t block the sky at all. The tree was dark green, but sometimes it was brown and sometimes it was red. It didn’t have leaves. Sometimes the tree got blue and purple. Branches grew off from each other. Sometimes the roots slammed down.

Little cracks in the ground formed. I thought I would get sucked in, but I didn’t. Grass grew over the cracks, but sometimes it didn’t and instead flame would shoot out. But the fire turned to ice as soon as it got in the sky.

I saw all this in my front and backyard.

I don’t know how I could see so far away and that the ground shook sometimes was scary, but I ended up not being hurt. It looked like everything was being split into many pieces. It looked like it was hurting itself in its confusion.

I went into my room and saw the note that I left on the bottom bunk. It was still there. Grandma and grandpa never touched it and I forgot all about it. But it was still there.

Some friend I am. I forgot about something as important as that.

I picked up the note. Maybe the words were different because everyone else was weird and forgetting she exists, so maybe the words did too? But no, it was the same:

“Sorry we didn’t get to say bye to each other this morning. I was surprised when I saw you sleeping but I didn’t want to wake you. Maybe we can call each other sometime this week? I know how moody you get when I rush out the door, and I like to say bye to you too. Ok bye now.”

Big, wet teardrops fell onto the note and I shut my eyes tight. The ink smeared and didn’t look readable anymore. So what did I do? I crumpled the note and shoved it in my pocket.

That note didn’t say her name on it, but I knew it was for her.

Stupid note. Stupid me. I should have written more. There was a lot I should have said, but even if I said all those things, she still wouldn’t hear them.

Why would she let herself get killed like that? No, I know it was that guy’s fault, but still. She must have sensed him. She must have known that someone would want to kill her. So if she did, why did she still get killed?

I was starting to get really mad. Not that I wasn’t already mad whenever I thought about how others had forgotten her. No, this was different. This was weird, my own weird.

I stomped out the house. Grandma stopped me before I made it outside.

“I know you’re upset about something, but please don’t stomp in the house.”

I looked up at her. Yes, I probably looked really mean and angry, but I knew it wasn’t her fault. It was whatever it was that made her forget.

“Sorry. I just need to go outside for a bit,” I told her.

She looked kinda sad, but nodded.

“Yeah. Just make sure to come back inside for dinner.”

I had a marker in my pocket, along with the note. I already knew what I had to do, because if no one else would do it, I sure as hell would.

Grandpa saw me stomping my way to the far end of the yard. He had been outside with his straw hat and sundress and was pruning some of the bushes.

“What’s the rush, honey?” He asked.

“I need a big rock and a stick. And some tape.”

“This an art project?”

“Something like that,” I grunted.

I already knew there was a big rock at the far end of the yard, tucked in a corner and next to our wood fence. We had a big yard, but it didn’t take that long to walk through.

The front door squeaked open. I waited to get to work until grandpa came by with the supplies, and from the corner of my eye, I saw grandpa.

He bent down and dropped a stick and a roll of clear tape.

“What’s all this for?” He asked.

“I’m remembering someone.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. A friend at school died.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear anything about that.”

“Most didn’t.”

“Well,” he gave me a pat on the back, “I understand things like this are hard. Take all the time you need. If you stay out past dinner, we’ll save you a plate.”

“Thanks, grandpa, but this won’t take long.”

He walked away and I got to work:

First, I broke the stick into two pieces.

Second, I taped the smaller piece to the top of the bigger piece until it looked like it made a ‘t’ shape.

Third, I set the ‘t’ stick on the rock and taped it over, and then in my other hand took the note and spread it out over the stick. The wind blew it away, but the stick (and my hand) held it in place. So I taped the corners of the note against the rock.

Fourth, I got my marker and wrote down over the sheet of paper and the stick, near the top of the rock:

“ASTRAEA”

Yeah, maybe some of the letters were all squiggly and sloppy, but it was the thought that counts. All I needed was her name, anyway. That way, even if the rain got the paper all wet and I couldn’t read the note anymore, the name would still be there and all I had to do was read the name and all the words of the note would come back to me. And maybe other words, too.

There actually wasn’t any rain at the moment. It was very sunny.

Oh. I miss her too.

But it was also bright, and that I think made me feel like I should have been happy. Like I did a good thing and I could be happy again. But if that was really supposed to work, I must have had some magical powers that made it not work, because I started crying really hard again.

“I miss you. Every day. I’m so sorry. I should have spent more time with you. Maybe if I slept hugging you, that would have saved you. I don’t know what to do. Maybe you wanted to go and you didn’t want to worry me? But I should have been able to hear you. All I know is that you’re gone.”

I cried harder and my head was against the rock and the tears probably got the note all wet.

“I know you’re gone. But that doesn’t matter because to me you still exist. You should exist! Even if the world or everyone else doesn’t want you to, I do!”

My arms were now over my head, because it was hard putting my forehead on a rock.

“I’m hurting. The world is hurting. Please come back, Astraea. If you’re out there in the stars, or if you’re up top that big tree thing, please hear me. My angel.”

I think I got all my tears out because I wasn’t crying as hard. I didn’t have trouble breathing, either. I stood up.

Nothing was different.

Not that I expected anything to be. It was just a wish I had. I know she wasn’t a genie. Could a dead genie grant a wish? I guess it depended on how genies worked. I never met one.

When I opened the front door, the wood inside kept appearing and going away. The inside looked like what I imagined a burned down building looked like: everywhere was just black outlines and sometimes solid, but also very black. Everywhere that had stuff like table, TV, couch, walls, still existed, just that sometimes they blinked out and they were always black like coal.

Grandma walked through the kitchen which kept changing shapes and walls kept moving around. She had a casserole dish in her hand and it looked like a pot pie, or maybe a fruit pie? But then a bowl of macaroni. Then a meatloaf.

“Astrid!” She called out.

“Astrid?” I took a step in and asked.

“There you are, darling,” grandma looked at me and she looked the same, except when parts of her went invisible. “Can you tell your sister, Aurelia, that it’s time to eat?”

“My…” I couldn’t get other words out. Instead, my eyes turned to the hallway where there was a blog moving about and it looked like TV static. A mouth or a black nothingness opened wide in the blob, and then I saw the same thing with grandma.

It startled me so bad I took a step back and fell over onto the porch.

“Honey? Are you okay?” It was grandma’s voice. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to see the house, or that blob.

But she looked down and I looked up and grandma was her normal big self with her big poofy hair and her pink flower printed blouse and apron.

“Sorry! I tripped,” I blinked a few times. She was grandma, all right. “Is dinner ready?”

“No, not yet. Still working on it. Why, are you hungry?”

“A little.”

I lied. I wasn’t hungry at all. Not even a little. But I knew she must have put a lot of work into whatever she cooked. I just hoped that she would stay real long enough for us to enjoy a meal.

I crawled back from where I was sitting and grandma shut the door behind me.

When I got up and turned around, Astraea was there.

I gasped and almost fell back down. That would have been bad!

I blinked. A lot.

She was still there each time.

She couldn’t have been there, especially not after everyone forgot about her, but there was that messy, long white hair, and her white dress with little frills and strings and even a gray cloak over her. Like how she looked when I first met her.

The only difference was that she was floating. Her feet didn’t touch the ground.

“Astraea? Is that really you?” I asked. I wanted to cry but I also wanted to smile wide. But was it real?

She tilted her head.

“Can you say anything? Are you cursed not to talk?”

Her head got lower. Almost like it was going to fall off.

“I was called here. Why?” She said and almost sounded the same as Astraea, echo and all. Except the echoes went on as if every word was said at least four times, and each time her words echoed, they sounded like different voices. Some low and some high.

It didn’t sound right. I don’t know why, but she sounded like she should have had one voice, even if it echoed.

“I...I missed you! You died and everyone forgot about you, but I didn’t!”

She shook her head, which still hung low but it looked like there was another head up top. Her head hung low also made me think of a clock ticking, or a pendulum.

“I cannot die. I also wasn’t forgotten, because I shouldn’t be known unless I allow myself to be known. Also, you never knew me.”

It was my turn to be confused.

“What do you mean? We’re best friends! We’re sisters! We pinky promise things!”

Her face didn’t change except her white eyebrows got low.

“Why would I be friends with a human? Humans are but a speck upon a speck. Compared to me, you’re not even an ant, not even a grain of sand. But something much smaller than that, something much less significant.”

“But you still found us interesting! Don’t you remember?”

“I don’t need to remember anything. I know all that I have ever known. If I forgot about you, that must mean that you were never worth remembering.”

I wanted to get mad. This Astraea was all weird, too. But maybe she even forgot about herself?

“If you’re not Astraea, why are you in that form?”

She didn’t talk at first. She held out her palms and looked down. When she looked up and back at me (and there was only one head this time) her face looked like it was frozen shut. But she opened it to say:

“Why am I...small?” She asked herself, or me. “To degrade myself down to your size. It makes no sense.”

“It must be because you wanted to see me again!”

She turned around and saw the big tree that was all the way up in the arctic and looked like it was getting bigger.

“That is the rest of me. But why is it there and not among the stars? Why would I be down here? And there must be some reason that I appeared before you. Something must have gone wrong.”

She turned back to me and looked like she wanted me to tell her something. So I did.

“Maybe if you remember, you’ll know what happened?” I guessed. “Maybe I can help you remember!”

I was happy to help her remember, too. I decided not to tell her about Aion yet as that might have just gave her bad memories. So I wouldn’t tell her how she died or anything like that. Just the stuff that mattered.

“It appears there are gaps in my memory. I will follow you for now,” she said.

“Great! I’ll show you around!”

I opened the door. Grandpa was laying on the couch and taking a nap.

“This is grandpa. He likes to garden and sometimes he even builds things.”

Astraea didn’t say anything to that.

I walked over to the kitchen. Grandma was next to the stove and heating up a pot of green beans.

“This is grandma. She likes to cook and dance and watch weird TV shows like Naturally Super.”

“Are you talking to someone, dear?” Grandma turned and asked. She smiled and her smile got wider when she saw me smiling. Grandma didn’t see Astraea next to me, which was weird, but not as weird as the other things have been.

“Yeah! My imaginary friend! I just made her up! Her name’s Astraea!” I said without thinking. If everyone forgot her, was it so bad?

“Imaginary friend, but she’s your...imaginary friend, yes.”

It seemed like grandma was close to remembering. That was good, but she didn’t remember all the way.

“We’ll let her cook for now,” I pointed out into the hallway. “I gotta show you our room.”

Astraea still didn’t talk and only floated behind me.

When we got into our room, I pointed at the bunk bed first.

“This bottom bunk is yours. I sleep on the top bunk. Sometimes, we have shared the same bed, but we don’t always. I think I should sleep with you more just to keep you safe!”

My heartbeat got faster. It was maybe a bad idea to suggest she needed to be kept safe. If she asked why she needed to be, what could I say?

I crawled onto the bottom bunk and grabbed the Sothis plushie.

“This is yours. You really like her.”

I went under the pillow and found her Nintendo Switch.

“This is what you play video games on. Sometimes you play too much and don’t do your homework.”

I got off the bed and went over to the dresser. I opened up some drawers.

“Your clothes are in here. Some of these clothes are mine, but not all of them.”

There wasn’t anything else to show her in the room so I walked out. We were going to go back outside, but then I saw Fetch stretched out and sleeping under the dining room table.

“This is Fetch, by the way. He’s our doggy. He’s really big and strong and likes to run around a lot. You don’t like to take him on walks much.”

We were back outside now and the sun was really bright. I thought I did a good job and smiled wide, but when she floated around me, I noticed that she bumped into the hinges of the door and there must have been a piece of wood sticking out, because when she stood in front of me, there was a cut on her bare arm. Also, her cloak wasn’t on her anymore.

“Astraea! You got a cut! I’ll get a bandage and…”

She looked down at her arm where the cut was. It wasn’t very deep, but it was red.

“How? Nothing should hurt me. I should not feel pain. Not even something as little as this.”

“I’m sorry. It was an accident.”

Her face looked angry now. She came closer to me and put her hands on her shoulders and shook me.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!” She demanded and the whole house behind us shook. It looked like it was about to collapse, and then...it was split in half.

I didn’t know if grandma or grandpa or Fetch were okay, only that the house was split down the middle and fell over. Even if they were okay, I didn’t know if we could live there any more. I wanted to go to them, but this Astraea held on tight.

“I didn’t do anything, Astraea! I swear!”

“Wrong...that’s not my name! I have no need for a name! The only thing you have proven to me is that there must indeed be gaps in my memory! I have to figure this out!”

She disappeared. Didn’t float, either. Just went away. I thought I wouldn’t see her again, but she was there not even a couple seconds later.

“I see now,” she said without waiting for me to tell her anything. I felt really worried and swallowed spit. This Astraea was scarier than I remembered.

“Did you find out what happened?” I asked.

“Yes. I awakened incomplete, with a piece of me missing.”

“What about Astraea?”

“There is no Astraea! That was only a work of fiction. Now I exist, and once I find my missing piece, I will do with this world as I please!”

Her face was a wide grin and it looked really mean. She flew before I could say anything else to her.

I didn’t turn around. I didn’t know what the house would look like when I did, but I knew I wasn’t ready. Fetch walked beside me and sat next to me. I asked something, even though I knew Fetch wouldn’t say anything back:

“What did I do?”

#writing #remoras full #fiction #stories #tigershark #astraea #aion #drama #scifi

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

If only you could know how much it is tearing me to pieces. I know it doesn’t change anything and I know there’s no point because the absolute terror will stay, but I do see it all. I see those muscle men pounding holes, I see the changes and the death of all that was. I’m going to trust or chose to believe that none of it is intended to hurt me. Perhaps it’s easier that way.

But the simple fact is, I wasn’t good enough. How could I have been. Look at me. Look at them. And maybe even if I was good enough at one point I’m definitely not good enough now. I can’t be virile and unafraid of fucking and sex like those men are. That’s not me anymore. I can’t consistently pound I can’t breed I can’t do anything. I’m nothing, I know I’m nothing. And I’m so, so sorry. I really am. I feel sick. I feel fear and agony pulsing through my body every second of every day. I can’t use Grindr to escape because I just see your face in every square. I can’t use Grindr or apps to escape because they just tell me how not good enough I really am.

And I guess I dunno. It doesn’t really matter anyway. I’m just venting. Nothing ever changes. Nothing will ever change. The more I think on it the worse it gets. The less I think on it the worse it gets. I either have to find a way to cope or find a way to entirely forget. And I know I can’t cope. If I could cope I wouldn’t be waking up at 3-4am every night, trembling with tears rolling down my face hearing moans and seeing tall naked muscular men holding you down. That’s why the others are able to still speak to you, because either they can manage that or they hide it really well. Or at least they get to see you still so that probably helps. I dunno. They’re different people. I can’t pretend to know them or how they function.

All I know is that I’m a broken shell of who I once was, and no it’s not getting better it’s getting worse. And I’m just glad I’m able to type it all out coherently for once instead of on the middle of a panic attack where I’m struggling to catch air.

I don’t know maybe it’s just me but any piece of media, any post online, any mention of sex or anything like that pushes my heart into my throat because that’s where you are now. And I just don’t want to think about it. But I have no choice. Sex is literally everywhere and you physically cannot escape it. And no, that’s not a good thing. Not to me anyway.

I know, I know I can never ever be those other men. The boys who have it together, who have sound minds and stable mental health. Who have realistic and stable views on relationships and sex. Who have jobs, go to the gym, are driven and independent and on top of it all can pound and satisfy. I know I can’t and haven’t ever been like them, and it hurts. It hurts and I don’t know exactly why. Because it’s just how it is.

I failed you so horribly. I think that’s one of the hardest things. I promised I’d help with all the trauma, all of that but I only made it worse. If only I could’ve been how they were and awoken this in you but I couldn’t. I failed. And I can’t tell myself anything other than it’s because I wasn’t good enough. And I’m not good enough. I’m so confused and I’m so fucking scared and I know I shouldn’t write all this out I really shouldn’t because nothing matters. How anyone feels doesn’t matter. Feelings do NOT matter. They matter so fucking much to be and perhaps that’s where I’ve failed. I need to shut them out. Kill them even. Just buckle under the harsh reality of the world and succumb.

I just always. Always wanted to be a soft and gentle memory to you. Well; I never wanted to be a memory but now that I have to be I just want to be a soft and gentle one. I shouldn’t want to be any more than that. I shouldn’t want to be “more” than Grindr or men who bulge out of their shirts or who grunt and thrust hard. All I should want to be is a warm memory. I don’t know why I want to be more than those things. When warmth and loge are all that matter to me in life. Why do I want to mean more than those other things to you? It’s fucking stupid. I’m fucking stupid. Maybe I need to start living more for pleasure and less for feelings or love. I don’t know, would that help? I have no idea. I don’t know if I can physically do that though.

And people say “there’s nothing wrong with that, with living and wanting that” but there is. It hurts. You are chewed up and spat out by the world. Constantly reminded that other things matter more and WILL always win. Those things have won every time, in my experience. Just look at social media and our culture. Yes warmth, love, all of that is spoken about but holes, cock, cum, fucking is spoken about and shown to an incomparable level. That’s why I know I’m not good enough. I am not what is truly needed or truly wanted. And furthermore I’m terrified of what IS truly wanted and needed. So of course I’ll be thrown away, locked up, shut out and cordoned off. I’m an anomaly.

God I don’t know. Well, I do, I’m mentally ill. Severely mentally ill. I sometimes wish I had a physical or visible disorder so that people could see it and be like oh okay that’s what’s going on. But no I had to get this broken mind instead. So that it appears as a flaw in my character.

I just need to hear or see that I don’t deserve to feel like this. Or if I do, I just need to see or hear that I do deserve it. I just need to hear something. I need to know that feelings love and warmth matter more than sex. At least to you. At least to those who have permanent places in my heart.

Can I please be a loving, warm, safe, good enough memory? I know that’s all I can ask for now. I can’t be sexy, or desirable, or the MAN who is needed. Can I please be that? I know I’m nothing. Unremarkable. Broken beyond repair.

Ultimately I want to feel like love, hugs, smiles, laughter, cuddles, connections and memories mean more than Grindr, dick, orgasms, hookups, moaning, and physicality. That’s an issue that will take a while to work through but it doesn’t have a specific answer. I just feel like dying because those things are just … Empty.

Please just. I don’t know. I feel chest getting tight and I’m starting to shake so this isn’t gonna make any sense anymore if I start having a panic attack.

Please please just let me know either way. If sex is it or if feelings are it or if I’m a broken memory or a warm one. I know I’m only a sometimes memory. A faded one. Especially during Grindr moments or naked legs in the air pounding one’s I’m likely gone completely. Bht I know all I can hope for is a gentle warm loving memory that pops up now and then. I’ll never be more than that ever again, I know. But: maybe at leas to want to know that I’m at least that. At least I’m something.

Please help me. Please don’t hate or resent me. Just because fucking now makes me want to die.

[princeofgod-2021]

LIGHT OF LIFE 357

John 1:4

TOO LATE 20 – AGENTS OF CHANGE? 12

Eze 14:19-20 “Or SUPPOSE I WERE TO SEND A PLAGUE INTO THAT LAND, AND POUR OUT MY RAGE ON IT WITH BLOODSHED, killing both people and animals. EVEN IF NOAH, DANIEL, AND JOB WERE IN IT, AS SURELY AS I LIVE, DECLARES THE SOVEREIGN LORD, THEY COULD NOT SAVE THEIR OWN SON OR DAUGHTER; THEY WOULD SAVE ONLY THEIR OWN LIVES BY THEIR RIGHTEOUSNESS. NET

We were talking about people hating Prophets so much that you wonder if we have any more prophets “in business” today.

O yes we do, and people love the type we have everywhere today.

Mic 2:11 These people don't want to listen to me. BUT IF A MAN COMES TELLING LIES, THEY WILL ACCEPT HIM. They would accept a FALSE PROPHET if he comes and says, "THERE WILL BE GOOD TIMES IN THE FUTURE, WITH PLENTY OF WINE AND BEER." ERV

There are countless numbers of married Christian [immature] women, with spiritually sick or unstable husbands, who go around looking for these prophets to lay hands on, or bath them clean of their “spiritual filth”.

Most of them end up hypnotized, broken, siphoned and sexually abused.

They commonly can’t relate their stories to anyone, so they go back home in shame.

2Ti 3:6 For these are they who go secretly into houses, MAKING PRISONERS OF FOOLISH WOMEN, WEIGHTED DOWN WITH SIN, turned from the way by their evil desires, BBE

Sin weighs many down but instead of dealing with that, they go around looking for someone to pray sweetly and tell them bring sand from their door entrance, fast 7 days and drink olive oil.

Pathetic!

O yes! There are real Prophets yet in our lands but what happened to most of them?

Amo 2:11-12 I raised up some of your sons for prophets, and some of your young men for Nazirites. Isn’t this true, you children of Israel?” says Yahweh. “BUT YOU GAVE THE NAZIRITES WINE TO DRINK, AND COMMANDED THE PROPHETS, SAYING, ‘DON’T PROPHESY!’ WEB

The Real Prophets are either being corrupted with pleasurable gift and money, or they have been threatened to either keep silent, or die!

We surreptitiously influence the direction of the Prophet’s message, by constraining them with “juicy” topics and promises of “fat” honourarium.

1Sa 9:7 Saul said, "HOW CAN WE TALK TO THE PROPHET WHEN I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO GIVE HIM? We don't even have any bread left in our sacks. WHAT CAN WE GIVE HIM?" CEV

Do you see the concept of approach to a Man of God?

“If we don’t have anything to give, we mustn’t go there”.

We have terribly abused our minds with unguarded, unwholesome “laws”.

I Sam 9:8 "I have a small piece of silver," the servant answered. "WE CAN GIVE HIM THAT, AND THEN he will tell us where to look for the donkeys." CEV

Did you notice the “Pay before service” connotation?

Give him the silver, THEN, he will tell us…

Wretched sinners carry gifts around and throw before covetous Prophets, who instead of look into the live and future of the person, prophesy through the gifts they collect.

But what did Jesus tell us to do with our Ministerial Gifts to people?

Mat 10:8 Heal the sick. Bring the dead back to life. Heal the people who have leprosy. And force demons out of people. I GIVE YOU THESE POWERS FREELY, SO HELP OTHERS FREELY. TPT

But did Jesus say the man of God should not collect? No!

He only emphasized that you shouldn’t make the merchandise of His gift; focus on the needy and God will settle you through the people He has appointed to help your Ministry.

Mat 10:9-10 "DON'T TAKE ANY GOLD, SILVER, OR EVEN COPPER COINS IN YOUR POCKETS. Don't take a traveling bag for the trip, a change of clothes, sandals, or a walking stick. AFTER ALL, THE WORKER DESERVES TO HAVE HIS NEEDS MET. GW

Yes! Every man of God will be fed because they deserve it.

However, did you notice that Prophet Samuel, whom they thought to give the Silver to, was too engrossed with his message to Saul to care about honourarium?

1Sa 9:15-16,19 The day before Saul came, the LORD had told Samuel, "I've seen how my people are suffering, and I've heard their call for help. ABOUT THIS TIME TOMORROW I'LL SEND YOU A MAN ... I WANT YOU TO POUR OLIVE OIL ON HIS HEAD TO SHOW THAT HE WILL BE THEIR LEADER."…"I am the one who sees visions!" Samuel answered. "GO ON UP TO THE PLACE OF WORSHIP. YOU WILL EAT WITH ME TODAY, and in the morning I'll answer your questions. CEV

The Prophet was the one who fed Saul and his servant.

It doesn’t even seem like they ever gave Samuel that silver though.

May God keep our consciences alive and flood our Souls with righteousness and integrity, IN JESUS NAME.

Join us on Friday as we proceed with this thought-provoking Subtopic.

Keep Shinning!

Brother Prince

Wednesday, May 24, 2023

08055125517; 08023904307

[a-moment-of-your-time]

Another letter you’ll never read.

Our little man is officially back to liking shower time with mommy. He got to meet the new puppy and loves play time with her. His new favorite toy? A stuffed giraffe he stole from my room at my moms. He also started to lay under the blankets at night which is so weird because he never used to. I think he misses you as much as I do. I know you think he doesn’t remember but every time he hears your voice his ears pop up. I wish you were here for all of the little things. New shows and movies we both love.

We threw lots of stuff away, like half of our clothes. It’s all in big bags under my bed that I’m going to have to fit in the car along with our son and his crate. Did I tell you were driving it? Stormy, my brother, and I in a car for like 40 something hours driving across the country? Sounds like a shitshow but I think storms gonna love it there. He’ll get a little piece of you in every new place we go once we get there just like I will. He’ll get to see your hometown, the lake I went to when I came back for you, I’ll take him on walks in every city because I know it’s everywhere you’ve been. Someone asked me yesterday if this was going to be healing for me like I think or if it’s going to make it all worse. That’s always the question though isn’t it? What’s going to make it worse? How much worse can it get? The only difference is that you’ll want nothing to do with me except I’ll be so close. It’s like a near touch, everything I want but can’t have. Maybe it will make it worse, maybe it’ll hurt but I’m already a mess anyways. I want to see your world, I want to see it through your eyes. Maybe I’ll be able to see the world a little more like you.

I’m gonna take stormy back to Oceanside soon, spend a day walking at the beach, writing in my journal. I want to take him to our spot so he can sit on the wall and look at all the things from our point of view, just a little higher up. I wish he was a human so I could show him the videos we’ve taken there, all the secret snapchats we used to take so you wouldn’t get in trouble.

You know sometimes I just wish I could talk to someone about you. Show them pictures and videos and tell them stories about all the crazy things we used to do. The cliff by the beach, you proposing outside of my car door at my dads old house, you giving me my ring and telling me every promise it meant you would keep, sneaking me into the barracks a hundred times, our drive to get stormy, sneaking me into your apartment because Nathan couldn’t stand me at the time, all the crazy from our apartment, every good moment with you, every sushi date, shopping trip, doordash because we were too lazy to cook, party we had with all of our friends, pack of sour shooters from our favorite little liquor store, and everything in between.

I still can’t believe this is where we’re at. On opposite sides of the country, not speaking, both in pain. I think this all sucks so much because I’ve had a hard time with trust. You really fixed me and all of the promises, every one that came with the ring…you’ve broken them all. I’m happy that I kept mine. I was wondering yesterday about the ring. You said you keep it on you, you always have it. Maybe that’s not true anymore but why not give it back? Why not hand it to me that night outside of your apartment? Or before you walked me out to my car? Why not at the bar when you said it was the last time? I have so many questions. I wish I could just have all of the answers and know the truth. I still can’t believe this is the person you’ve become or that I’m someone you don’t care to call a friend anymore. I remember when you used to go on about how god made us for each other. How he crafted me with flecks of silver and gold in my skin. Or my favorite one, every flame burns brighter with my eyes and dolphins break the waters surface for me. Isn’t it funny? How you always thought I never felt the same. Even when we slept together for months, every date, every family dinner. Yeah I made my mistakes but I always came back to you. Right or wrong, it was always you. You changed so much about me. You made me want to be so much better. I never used to sing in front of many people but you made me want to sing on every car ride. You showed me new music. Made me playlists. Ocean eyes, that’s a big one. So many songs that make me feel the same way I do when I look at you. I use that for everything, I have since you started calling me that. Usernames, songs, I use ocean eyes because it was one of your favorite things about me. The oceans in my eyes. Blue than the oceans or whatever. I had secret tumblr pages and journals. I used to wake up in the morning before you and I would talk to you, tell you how much I love you. I’d play with your hair and give you kisses all over. You never believed me. You never thought I could give you love like that again. See? So many questions. So much to understand. How could a love like that just go away?

I hope that I won’t have to wonder for much longer. I hope that you’re feeling this longing in your chest eating away at you every moment we’re apart. We always used to say “we’ve never been apart for longer than a month” but now it’s more like we’ve been apart for almost a year. At least that’s when you left and I’ve seen you a few times but it feels like you’ve been gone this whole time.

I’ve never wanted to hurt you, but right now I hope you’re hurting too & if you are I hope you someday you see that everything can be different.