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#lethal chiralium
lethalchiralium · 4 months
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Simon sleeps best when your head is on his heart, knowing his heartbeat lulls you to sleep most nights. Your arm on his chest, the other tucked underneath your side and your leg thrown across his hip - no matter how bony you say it is. “You have no cushion there, Si,” you always say, “You need to eat more. They don’t feed you enough when you’re working anyway.”
His head is either back on his pillow, eyes staring at the ceiling or he’s looking at you. Baby monitor on his side of the bed, wanting you to take more rest. I’ll be awake anyway, he says. Damned sleep schedule, he says. He’s asleep ten minutes after you are.
He sleeps second best when his head is settled on your stomach. Hands cradling your lower back, eyes drooping as the TV hums from across the room. Your fingers in his hair, your body wash lingers on your skin. He rubs his cheek a bit on your stomach, just to make you smell like him.
He sleeps the third best with the dog pile - Mellie on his chest when you finally allow her to sleep in the bed, Winnie tucked into his side in a ball, and your head on his shoulder and hand gently settled on his belly button - near Mellie’s socked feet.
He doesn’t sleep much when he’s far from home, far from the woolen blankets, loud laughs and soft cries. He can’t rest when you aren’t beside him, holding him through the nightmares and the dreams that make him cry silent tears. He doesn’t sleep well without knowing his home is safe, that his girls are asleep soundly - whether they’re in his bed or their own, all three of his Riley girls are safe and sound.
That’s all he’ll ever care about.
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peachesofteal · 4 months
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simple math makes me throw up
in a very good way
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Me + you. Ily Keri 🖤
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halfmoth-halfman · 3 months
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oh my goodness HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY
i know we haven’t talked in a while but i hope you have a prosperous year!!!
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aaaaaaa i love you keri and thank you so much!! i hope you have an amazing 2024!!!💜💜
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ohbo-ohno · 7 months
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yo man. truck ghost fic??? i would die for more.
going baller by sending this on main
i love that you sent this on main. if my main was attached to this blog i'd delete everything immediately.
i don't want to flat out say no to more trucker but... it probably won't happen for a while, if it does. i've got a couple scenes i'd like to write for those two, but i just dont know how to attach them all together yet
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stararch4ngelqueen · 7 months
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I just spent all day yesterday binge reading ghosts and mirages and I think it’s the best ghost series I’ve ever read. Do you have any good series recs for me now that I finished it ? 🥹
Also is it still being updated or is it finished ?
I’m so happy you liked it so much! That means a lot to me
It is currently still being updated, I just haven’t touched the draft since last night 🤭
I used to have a rec list, but I lost it. I’ll go ahead and tag these lovely people I remember from the top of my head @sweet-as-an-angel @sprout-fics @as-is-above-so-below @lethal-chiralium
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sparrowsabre7 · 4 years
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It's Strandin' Time!
Deliverzord! Parceldon! Transportodactyl! Trikeceratops! Sender-Tooth Tiger! Tystrandosaurus!
Ok anyway, this level is sick, I am guessing lethal weapons are ok given these dudes are ghost skelingtons and the game keeps dropping loads of actual guns at my feet.
This has all been so well animated too for such a small sequence, the helmets ping off, Mads dives for cover when a grenade is thrown.
God this is intense, it's like I'm a rat in a maze, grabbing everything I can see, chugging cryptobiotes left and right trying to survive. I've sided twice already but I'm also taken by how fucking gorgeous the flaming skeleton animation is. It's also finding the balance of scavenging weapons and health, fighting back, and needing to stop every so often to soothe BB. I equally discovered there is a bad way to soothe BB, lilting the controller up and down = good, tilting side to side results in a violent shake which BB does not care for.
Finally got the bastard and he tries to grab BB treatedto another flashback dream where Mads is clearly breaking me out of the facility we've seen him in.
Jesus I lost a lot of blood... 4799ml, 1000 is the standard amount before death but I plugged in so many blood bags and devoured cryptobugs to stay alive. Got a B rank, probably the first lower than an A rank that wasn't a robot delivery.
Seems like the battlefield was either a manifestation of the veteran's beach or a dream world as Mama says the storm passed as soon as I went outside and we only lost contact for a minute.
Off to see Mama in person now. Her lab is in the ruins of a highway or stadium I think. Looks pretty cool but there's a BT baby on the ceiling which is a bit creeps. Hmm ok, seems like it's Mama's baby. That's a bit fucked up. Hmm, my cufflinks recorded the gunfire etc from the battlefield so it may be a real place after all just not in this space and time.
A lot of bullshit science expo about how the q-pid has no limiter on its chiralium output causing great Chiral density the more connections made meaning it could build to another death stranding. But it's ok because Mama's going to add a limiter to the new q-pid.
More unnecessarily violent and tragic backstory for female character in a Kojima game. Mama was buried under the rubble of a hospital while awaiting c-section hence why her baby ended up as a BT. Also she seems to be drinking timefall rain water and yet not aging. It's also super jarring because there is zero motion below the neck while she's buried. Like I know she's trapped but there's no breathing or movement at all just looks like a real head on a mannequin.
Anyway, back to pizza delivery I guess.
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tatsispeter · 3 years
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LU is a futuristic company that sells protective suits and gear against the meteorological exposure of Chiralium.
The main inspiration for the creation of this prototype is a unique video game called DEATH STRANDING. 
In the year 2881, our planet earth faced a huge threat called chiralium. Chiralium exposure is dangerous for humans, manifesting as severe mental-health problems such as depression, suicidal thoughts, and apocalyptic nightmares; in extreme cases, chiralium exposure can be lethal. 
The name LU came with the actual designer of the suits and jackets in the shop page. Zhou Lu was one of my clients. She is from China and her garments were very similar to the actual suits from the video-game.
I combined the story of DEATH STRANDING and the garments of my old client, making a fiction web-design prototype, with the objective of selling protective suits and resolving the problem of the Chiralium exposure.
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How to Unlock Gears and Shelters in Death Stranding?
Death Stranding packs tons of challenges and one of the biggest challenges is the bad weather, also known as Timefall in the game. It means rain-filled with Chiralium and acid that deals massive damage on your cargo. Most importantly, it is also working as a warning sign of the arrival of BTs as Chiralium in the rain attracts them. What is BTs? Well, BTs or Beached Things are the invisible creatures that will try to hit and damage the cargo. So, try to avoid them as much as you can along with Timefall by locating shelter in the game.
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To overcome the strange weather issue, Timefall shelters are the only possible way you can use in Death Stranding. For that, you need to complete the order mission 27 in Episode 3 to avail of new technology. By using them, you will not only be able to find Timefall shelter but also can see the weather forecast and travel accordingly.
The game also allows building your shelter during the rain by delivering a Chiralium device at the Weather Station. By completing this order mission, players will unlock PCC level 2 and can build a Timefall shelter using it. Other than that, gamers will also face another worse version of rain i.e., Snow. It will force you to move slow and also damage your cargo even quicker than rain. In case you do not have the technology to overcome the snow problem, then it is better to avoid using the Timefall shelter. Otherwise, you will end up damaging cargo during the mission.
List of Death Stranding Gear Story Unlocks
Many gamers are facing problems in locating the in-game gears and if you are one of them and unable to identify it too, then do not worry. Here is the list of gear that you will unlock in the Death Stranding game. So, make sure to pay proper attention and learn whereabouts of these in-game gears and unlock them accordingly. These are:
Waystation West of Capital Knot City: PCC Level 1 – Postbox.
Knot City: Stabilizer.
Capital Knot City’s Distribution Center West: Container Repair Spray  
Waystation North of Mountain Knot City: Level 1 Non-lethal Assault Rifle.
Distribution Center West of Capital Knot City: PCC Level 1 – Bridge.
Mountain Knot City’s North Waystation: Level 1 Armour Plate.
Wind Farm: PPC Level – Generator.
Lake Knot City: Sticky Gun.
Capital Knot City: Blood Bag.
South Knot City: Grenade.
Capital Knot City: Level 1 Hematic Grenade.
South Knot City: Level 1 Assault Rifle.
Lake Knot City: Smoke-emitting Decoy Cargo.
South Knot City: Level 1 HandGun.
Engineer: Level 1 Power Skeleton.
Junk Dealer: Level 2 Power Skeleton.
Lake Knot City’s South Distribution Center: Customize Backpack.
Engineer: Level 1 Smoke Grenade.
Junk Dealer: Level 2 Smoke Grenade.
Craftsman: Level 1 Bola Gun.
Lake Knot City’s South Distribution Center: Delivery Bot.
Chiral Artist: Level 1 Anti-BT Handgun.
Weather Station: Level 2 PCC.
Weather Station: Level 1 Floating Carrier.
Reaching Sam’s Level 5 will help unlock the following:
If it is a prepper, then you can rest there.
A Star to wear
Character’s Hologram Data.
It is simply a list of useful gear that will support walking on the uncharted paths of Death Stranding conveniently. So, mark the location of the desirable gears and complete order mission to unlock them in the game.
Ashley Miller is a Mcafee product expert and has been working in the technology industry since 2002. As a technical expert, she has written technical blogs, manuals, white papers, and reviews for many websites such as mcafee.com/activate.
Source: https://mcafeecomactivate334980539.wordpress.com/2019/11/19/how-to-unlock-gears-and-shelters-in-death-stranding/
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lethalchiralium · 5 months
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“Simon.”
His teeth nipped at your neck, a little giggle escaped your lips. Hands holding his head and back as he pressed his own grip into your hip. Your smile was small, trying not to entertain him while waiting for one of the girls to wake up from their naps.
“Simon, I mean it-“
His forehead pressed against your jaw, slick with sweat as he panted, “Five minutes. Five minutes and I’ll be quiet too.” You didn’t have to look at him to know his desperate gaze, the way his bottom lip would be swollen from your teeth chewing on it a few moments earlier.
Your nails scratched his scalp, his body involuntarily shuddered. “The girls will be up any moment-“
His nose pressed against your pulse, the knee in between your legs pressed up a little bit - you gasped, gripping your husband’s head and back like your life depended on it.
“Y/N.”
“Mhm.”
“You’re not letting yourself relax again.” His forehead rose from your skin, his dark eyes met yours with a gentle gaze. “We don’t have to fuck but it’s not always about the kids. Sometimes it’s about you.”
You let a huff escape your nose, eyebrows furrowed and your eyes rolled. A smile tugged at your lips.
“Five minutes.”
He kissed your cheek. “Gotta remember you need time for yourself too.”
“And for my needy husband.”
He kissed your nose and lips, the lips he was tracing with his tongue a few minutes prior. “You can always kick me off and call it a day.”
You shook your head, your nails dug into his back. “You’re so sure they won’t wake up.”
“Door’s locked anyway.” He smirked, pressing his lips with fervor. You tilted your head upwards, deepening the kiss and feeling your husband’s hands dip underneath your waistband. He pulled away after only a second, mischievous and greedy. “Tell me to stop if you need.”
You nodded, letting your head fall back onto your pillow as your husband began to kiss down your chest, his lips parting as soon as they met your cunt.
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lethalchiralium · 3 months
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It was late in the night when Simon finally fell asleep. The movie playing on your bedroom TV was muted, some rom-com you used to laugh at when you were fifteen. A whole movie about a feeling you were sure then was never going to feel like that. Like someone holding your hand in the cold when theirs is much warmer, a guiding arm through a crowd of people, a kiss that could send you flying to the moon. You used to be sure love would be a lukewarm feeling, always present but easy to grow cold.
But here, with your husband’s head in your lap, you were sure love was like moonlight because he was. He was a bright soul, shrouded by darkness at every turn, yet always seeming to shine on you.
You studied his face now, ignoring your movie as you gently pet Simon’s longer than normal hair, the curls coming in as waves. His beard was growing, he didn’t seem to mind it now that you mentioned you found it attractive. His lashes were long, you were jealous. Yours seemed to break off at random lengths during Mellie’s pregnancy, only now settling at a normal length. There was a cut right above his eyebrow from Mellie slamming Winnie’s fire truck into his face a couple days ago. His lips parted a little, soft breaths escaped his soft lips.
If you told yourself when you were fifteen what you had at twenty three, she would’ve laughed in your face and said, “Love isn’t achievable for us.”
But here you were - your husband slumbering your lap, falling asleep after you massaged his scalp, and your two daughters asleep in their rooms down the hall. You smiled to yourself before resting your back against your pillows and headboard, thanking yourself for the chance you took on Simon Riley.
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lethalchiralium · 4 months
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“What are you doing?!”
Simon quirked an eyebrow at you, side-eyeing you as you stood in the bathroom doorway. He continued to use the trimmers on his thick beard, you watched in horror.
“I’m not tryin’ to give you beard burn on your cunt, love.”
You ignored that comment, though it did make your insides clench. “Mellie hasn’t seen you without a beard.”
“Yes, she has.” He moved his head down, looking back in the mirror to make sure it was even. “When I first got back.”
“She doesn’t remember that, Simon, she was too little. She is going to scream her head off.” You leaned your shoulder on the doorway, watching your husband’s expression stay stoic as he moved his mouth up and down to help cut down the beard.
He took only a few more moments to finish, leaving short stubble where it was once a lush beard. He wiped down the counter with his towel, cleaning up like he always did. “She’ll be fine. She knows her Dad.”
“Let me explain this to you,” You took a deep breath as your husband glared at you. “You’re little, you love your dad with every fiber of your being and you love holding onto his beard gently all day. You do it every day.” You folded your arms over your chest, examining his nonchalant expression until you stated, “And any slight change makes you scream or occasionally throw up. Like she did when Gaz shaved his head ‘cause Soap paid him to do it.”
“Oh shit.”
“Oh shit is right, buddy.” You shook your head, laughing to yourself before you reached forwards, patting his shoulder. “I’m not handling that, you put that on yourself.”
“Y/N-“
You kissed his temple before turning away, “Good luck with the screaming baby!”
“If you help me, I’ll do the thing.”
You paused, back turned to your husband as your smile grew larger. “What thing?”
He grunted, can of shaving cream hitting the counter. “You know what thing.”
You dropped the smile, looking over your shoulder - your lower stomach tightening when you gazed at your husband’s deadpanned face. “Care to elaborate?”
His eyes narrowed, taking a breath before he seethed through gritted teeth, “If you handle Mellie when she sees me, I will tie you up when we fuck tonight.”
“Promise?”
His stare is enough to make you laugh.
“Deal, baby.”
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lethalchiralium · 5 months
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Three hours. Three straight hours of screaming and you were itching for the moment Simon walked in from work. You loved little Mellie being this small, but teething all night and day has you physically and mentally drained. You never remembered Winnie being difficult at all, but Mellie was pulling, kicking, biting, and screaming. Your gentle little baby was in pain and was temporarily a rabid dog with no teeth poking through.
The best weapon you had to combat Mellie’s reign of terror was a frozen teething ring, her little eyes pricked with tears. She couldn’t even look at you, she looked anywhere but you as the time ticked down - you were desperate to hear Simon’s footfalls. Mellie still squealed with pain, little hands gripped the teething ring for dear life.
Simon was on cue at that point, the short walk across the porch to the door opening, relief flooded through you before dread, realizing your mistake. As soon as Mellie saw Simon, her hands threw down the teething ring and she let out a blood-curdling screech, hands out and tears running down her face. You held her out a little, Simon didn’t even take off his shoes to come pluck his daughter from your hold. You bent down and grabbed the ring, expecting to have to hear Mellie scream for another few hours - but her voice quieted when you stood back up.
You grew agitated when you watched Mellie silence, all because she was staring at her dad’s face with curiosity.
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
Your eyes stung with tears. “Get her to settle like that instantly.”
“You’re a part of her right now, love. The whole ‘Mum is an extension of me’ thing.” He placed the joint of his pointer finger on Mellie’s gums, allowing her to gnaw on his hand with drool dripping down his arm. “She sees you as a part of her, so when she sees me, she sees her dad. She thinks baby and Mum are one.”
You took a breath there, comforted by his words. You gave him a nod, letting tears fall as you spoke, “I’m so tired, Simon.”
His hand reached up and rested on your cheek, wiping away tears. “I know. I’ll handle the rascals and dinner.”
You melted into his touch for just a moment before pulling him to you - Mellie slobber barely grazing your face as he kissed you, kissed your cheek and forehead. His dark eyes kept their unwavering stare, like always, but it carried a warm undertone.
“Go rest, love. I mean it.” Another kiss to your lips and he pushed you away towards the staircase, not without a gentle rub on your back.
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lethalchiralium · 5 months
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“Winnie, don’t jump. Wait for me.”
Simon held Mellie close to his chest as he wadded through the water, her little boonie hat pressed into his face and he held out a hand for Winnie. Soap was stood beside her, buckling the last strap on her life jacket. Even though Price’s pool was shallow, he would never risk losing one of his babies. He held out his hand, his daughter instantly grabbed it and jumped - his hand keeping half of her body above water. “You scare me, kiddo.”
She gave him a wide smile, giggling. You watched the exchange from your lounge chair, covered by a sun hat on your head and Simon’s towel on your legs. Your book was bookmarked, your hands placed it on the table beside you before moving your head back and closing your eyes. You were ready to nap, losing sleep due to your Mellie’s attachment to you was normal now. You didn’t have to worry about watching your husband with your daughters, their uncles watched them like mountain lions protecting their pack.
“Missus!”
You opened only one eye, Soap looked at you with his biggest smile.
“Come swim!”
“Leave ‘er be, idiot.” Gaz called from the other side of the pool, sitting in the shallow end with their Captain. “If she wants to sleep, let her sleep!”
“She never gets to have fun with us!”
“It’s almost like I’m right here.” You closed your eye again, smirking to yourself. “Simon, handle them.”
“Now listen here, fucks-“
You curled up underneath Simon’s towel, listening to your husband drill his sergeants and Price laughing from the other side of the pool.
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lethalchiralium · 5 months
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“Y/N, quit that.”
You giggled, your nails dragging a gentle yet teasing streak down your husband’s chest; he huffed, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he took just a moment to pull you away from his lips. His hand was heavy on your side, the other brushed his thumb across your lips. He looked up at you through his lashes, brown eyes seemed like enchanting spells - demanding your attention. Your tongue ran over your teeth, tasting the sting of bourbon that had settled in his mouth a few moments prior.
“I mean it.”
You scratched down his chest again, his hand was quick to snatch your wrist. He gave you a warning look, even when his smile contradicted his “anger”. His eyes softened, his thumb rubbing circles on your palm.
“Let’s go on our honeymoon.”
You sighed, leaning back on your husband’s hips - he adjusted his hips with ease as you sat completely on him, his hand on your side slid down over the waistband of your panties to your bare thigh. “We don’t need to waste money on child care when we can just go to London.”
“I just want me and you.” His voice was soft, touch more gentle than it had been the whole time you two were finally alone. “In one of those huts on the water-“
“Simon-“
“-like you talked about before.”
“Mellie’s too little.” You whispered. “I’m not gonna make one of our friends be subjected to a three month old for a week.”
Your husband brought your hand to his lips, planting a kiss to your warm palm. He pulled it to rest against his cheek, pressing his head into your touch. It made your body melt inside, your other hand gently rubbed his chest.
“The girls will be fine. I’ll get it all figured out.”
“We shouldn’t-“
“We should.” There’s a pregnant pause, you both understood the other’s position. He patted your thigh, squeezing your hand. “We’ll need to go before-“
“Can we talk about this tomorrow?”
Your husband paused again, glaring at you with his signature stare. He let out a long breath before a gentle nod. “No deflecting tomorrow, Y/N. I mean it.”
“Promise.” With that, you mirrored his nod - a signal that you were ready to continue what he had stopped before.
He smirked and you know your fate is sealed. His hand was removed from your thigh, gripping his bourbon glass and then bringing it to your lips. “Sip.” You followed his order, “sipping” until he was satisfied with how much you let slip between your lips. He took a drink of his own, smirk still visible. He placed the glass back on the nightstand before his hands settled on your hips again, sliding you farther down his body until you were perched right on his strained boxers. The buzz in your chest from the bourbon was barely noticeable compared to the heat between your sex and his; his fingers desperate to peel away the last piece of your clothing, but his hands only aided the gentle ebb and flow of his hips and your own. Pushing and pulling you, your eyes fluttered shut as you focused on moving your hips, wanting the high to build through your body. The quicker you came first, the faster you would get flipped onto your back and-
“Mama!”
A shrill shriek sounded from Winnie’s room down the hall, you both separated in an instant as Simon pulled you off of him, settling you on your back before he launched off the bed. He gave you a stern look, it calmed the instant worry in your belly. “Stay. I’ll see what she needs.”
He grabbed his shirt from the floor, handing it to you. You take it, throwing it over your bare chest before he leaned down to kiss you quickly.
“Daddy!”
Simon glanced to the door again before looking at you, “We’ll continue when I get back.” He kissed you again, longer this time and with fervor - it made you dizzy and warm, just like how the bourbon settled in your belly. He pulled away, his hand running down your side before he moved to the door; unlocking it and disappearing down the hallway, leaving you breathless like always.
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lethalchiralium · 5 months
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Simon didn’t expect to be shoved into a closet after escaping Soap’s loud Christmas party to piss, but here he was. He didn’t expect his sweet wife to push him so quickly and shut the door with ease, like she had practiced. He definitely neglected to remember the few times at Easter and Thanksgiving at your parents’ house.
Your hands tugged on his suit, pulling him down blindly to kiss him like he’d been gone for years. You didn’t care that your lipstick would smudge, Simon certainly didn’t care if your red lipstick was kissed onto his face a thousand times - he loved the feeling of your sweet lips against his skin. He could barely see in the dark, but he knew your smile perfectly when you pulled away.
“What are you doing?”
You quietly giggled. “Getting a moment with my husband.”
“You’re tipsy.”
“So what if I am?”
His hand found your jaw in the dark, holding it with an iron grip. “You know I don’t like not knowing how much you’ve had to drink when you’re wanting to get fucked.”
You scoffed, he could practically feel your eye roll. “Who said I wanted to get fucked?”
“You shoved us into a closet far away from the Christmas party.”
“So?”
“You don’t do this unless you wanna be trouble.”
You smirked, hand slipping into his pants - his hand shot out and stopped you right as your nails grazed the waistband of his boxers. “I’m always trouble.”
“You’re tipsy.” He whispered, his hold uncharacteristically weak. “Y/N-“
“I’m a consenting adult.” He peeled his hand off your arm, letting your hand settle right on his v-line. “And you have been a nuisance all week by fucking me seven ways from Sunday any time you want to.” Your hand pushed downwards, your warm hand gripped his warm cock. You didn’t need to look at your husband to know he was ready. He would press his thumb into your collarbone if he wasn’t, his hands rested comfortably on your hips with a little pinch.
“Now it’s your turn, eh?”
“Mhmm.”
He chuckled a bit. “Be quick and show me what you’ve got for me, princess.”
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lethalchiralium · 1 year
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If ur taking requests can we get something like Ghost still doesnt trust fxreader at all even when they are together for like 1/2 years and she gets all sad and starts distancing herself tyxxxx
No More | Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader
a/n: guys. guys i mean it keep the requests coming i love them. also : captain reader? because girlboss??? it’s kinda shitty but i love messy. gives me better control of future chapters :)
CALLSIGN: Mercy
warnings: angst, cussing, realizations and sort of heartbreak.
summary: You’ve been with Ghost for a year and a half - you allowed him into things you kept safe guarded, and realized that he has never done the same for you.
REMINDER: This is a side-blog, not my main! If you have any questions, feel free to message this blog or reblog! Reblogs are always appreciated - as well as any comments, they keep me motivated to write stuff like this!
SERIES MASTERLIST
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You thought he would grow out of it. He’s an adult; given, he’s a very fucked up soldier, but an adult that has done adult things. He’s a few years shy of being in his thirties, and he doesn’t even understand the basics of having a girlfriend. He doesn’t understand a lot of things, and even though you’ve explained to him more times than you can remember, he still didn’t understand you after a year and a half of being together. Sure, you are on the same squad, you leave separately on break but always end up in the same apartment. The apartment that had framed pictures of you, your family, your dog - yet it always feels like he doesn’t give you anything.
It’s been a year and a half and the only personal thing you got out of him was a story about his brother when they were younger. You had told him countless stories of you and your childhood best friend, your single dad who fostered and adopted you. You even told him about your childhood dog who got hit by a car when he was young and still lived to be 15, about the very short memories you had of your godfather before he passed. You had told him everything, you had put your full trust into him and he hadn’t even given thought into putting an ounce of trust into you.
You couldn’t help it when you started to close yourself off - a trauma response from those years in the orphanage, then the system. You took less and less patients, eventually getting confronted by your Lieutenant, “What is going on with you, Captain?” You had given them a half-assed answer, “Got a lot of papers to go through from Price. It won’t be a long time.” And you kept yourself locked in your office, looking over case files and possible missions you could go on to escape this. Escape the feeling that has been gnawing at your soul since the last time you left your apartment with him three months ago. The feeling of distrust, of emotional abandonment.
You didn’t stop your tears when they came every night after Ghost had visited, but you never cried in front of him. You figured that would give him more ammunition to keep you at arm’s length.
Your hand ran across the hefty manila folder, the other held onto your vest collar. You opened the folder.
It was a stupid decision, you knew that. He would never let you get out of his sight, let you be anywhere without his knowledge and approval. But you needed something different - you needed somewhere where you felt like you could breathe, with people you trust and have put trust into you.
Your dog, Cerberus, whined from your cot across the room. You’d been sleeping more in your office than your own room, you figured it was because you were mentally preparing to be out on the friend with your old squad, and definitely not because you couldn’t stand to be in the same room as Ghost. He never let you move away from him in missions, never let you out of his sight when on them - it was suffocating, feeling like you were inadequate in a field you spent most of your life in because of the man you loved with everything you had. You gave him your all, your everything - he definitely made you feel that it would never be enough, without him even speaking a word.
Your eyes read over the mission again. Reconnaissance on a couple of enemy bases, a patrol of safe houses in the area to make sure they were still secure. That and to infiltrate a top secret base deep in the mountains to retrieve information on a possible illegal uranium enrichment plant being constructed. Your eyes darted back across the room to Cerberus, you whistled lowly. The German Shepherd leapt off your cot, scrambling to sit in between you and your desk, he plopped his heavy head on your lap. You smiled at him, scratching behind his ears. “Good boy, Cerby.”
Your team consisted of your good friends, Logan and Hesh Walker, as well as Keegan Russ. You remembered how threatened Ghost was with how close of friends you were with them, you had chose to follow him to 141 instead of stay in the comfort of the Ghost Crew. A choice you had regretted earlier, but not now. You felt a lot better equipped with such an intense task force, you have more medics than before and an actual base to stay in - that and Price seemed a lot more relaxed now that Hassan and Shepherd were no longer a problem.
Cerberus’s ears perked up and he darted out from under your desk as you heard thunderous footsteps coming towards your office.
“Lay down.” You ordered your dog, he looked back at you before he skittered back onto your bed. You stood, your seat wheeled backwards half a foot. It was only five more seconds before your office door slammed against the wall, Ghost stormed in and shoved it back into the frame with his foot. He held up a folder just likes yours before he growled loudly, “What the fuck is this?”
You closed your own folder, moving your hand from your vest collar and splaying your fingers on the cardstock. Your eyes stayed down on the folder stamped, “Classified.”
“You’re going on a mission with the Ghosts?”
Your eyes looked over some stamped patient files, taking them in your hand and opening a few to se did you had signed them.
“Price told me five minutes ago. You’ve known for how long?”
You closed the files and whistled lowly again, the clicking of claws against the concrete was heard as the massive search and rescue dog curled around the back of your legs. You didn’t even have to look to know that he had his hackles raised - when you were on guard, so was he.
Ghost marched forwards and slammed his folder down on your desk, his fist clenched as he growled, “Answer me.”
“A month.” You muttered, eyes staring at the folders in your hands before turning away. You’ve cried over him the night previous and the seven before that, must you face him?
“And you weren’t going to tell me?” His voice was gruff, appalled. “That’s reckless. And you told Price not to tell me? Really?”
“It was need to know.” You answered, placing the files back on your desk before you stepped around your dog to the head of your cot where your duffle sat open. He followed, keeping a distance of six feet from you because of Cerberus curling around your legs and staring at him. Your hands grew shaky as you began to double check everything in your bag.
“I tell you whenever I leave for any mission, any fuckin’ errand, and you don’t dare tell me about one of the most important ops we’ve had in months? Why are you going?”
“They need a medic, they requested me.”
He scoffed. “We need our medic.”
You slowed down, hand brushing over your beige t-shirts as you spoke, “You have my lieutenant, Gomez.”
“I want you here.” His voice softened a little, you shoved the clothes down farther in the bag, pulling out your spare medkit and opening it, eyes darting over its contents. “I only trust you to patch me up.”
You slammed your spare med-pack closed and back into your duffle. You quickly zipped it, sharply saying, “That’s funny, ‘cause you seem not to trust me any other time.” You turned to look at him, eyes brimmed with tears.
His eyes widened. “What?”
“You don’t trust me, Simon. You never let me take my lead when we’re on missions, let me be near you, let me talk with other people.” Your arms crossed over your chest, tears slicing hot on your skin. “You don’t trust me. do you even want to be in this relationship?” Your hand went up and quickly wiped away your tears. “Because it certainly feels like you don’t.”
He stood there, stunned - his hands at his side, he had no idea what to do with them. “Of course I do.” He took a step forward, cautiously placing his right hand out. “Of course I trust you.”
You backed away then, your calves bumped into Cerberus, your hand reached down to touch his head - an attempt to calm yourself. “Then why can’t you put a little faith in me? A little faith that you are the one I go to sleep thinking about? That you are the one I worry about when I’m out on the field, instead of my own safety? That I wouldn’t ever do this to you?” Tears fall rapidly, your heart beat roughly in your chest - anxiety was gripping your diaphragm. “I trust you with my life, Simon. I have since we got together. It’s been almost a year and a half and you still don’t even trust me to have your back.”
He just stands there, arms at his side - his eyes stared at you, dark and full of pain. “I do. I do trust you, Y/N.”
You threw your duffle on your back and walked towards him - shoving a finger into his chest, looking up at him. “You have this whole mission to think about this, about us. Because I can’t be trusting you blindly when you don’t even trust me to breathe.”
You moved around him, whistling for Cerberus. The dog swiftly followed you out of the office, and you slammed the door behind you. You swiftly walked down the corridor, and as soon as you turned the corner, your back hit the wall. Your hand flew up to your mouth, pressing into it to muffle the loud sobs that fell from your throat. Cerberus pawed at your leg before pressing his head to it.
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part 2 here!
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