#they always think their pain is the most unique most painful pain and their trauma is the most traumatic trauma

[mylight-png]

I refuse to be told to "move on" from October 7th. I simply refuse.

You know the thing about trauma? You don't really get the choice to move on. You may be living in the future, but at least a part of your mind is trapped in that horrible moment. Sometimes that part of you can never escape.

Right now, as I'm writing this, I am sitting at my desk in my room. But right now, as I am writing this a part, huge part, of me is still in that airport. That part of me is still staring at my phone, trying to catch its breath but failing. That part of me is still watching in shock as the death count rises, the videos of Hamas's atrocities are broadcasted everywhere I see, the celebration of my people being massacred is burning my eyes. My ears are hearing the wailing sirens from when I was last in Israel. My hands are still feeling the shaking of the walls as the Iron Dome intercepts attempts upon the lives of my family and me. My heart is hurting for each life lost and each family left broken.

My body is here, in January 10th. My mind is not. My mind, and the mind of nearly every Jew is still stuck in October 7th.

Do not think we chose this. If I could choose indifference, if I could choose apathy, if I could choose ignorance, I wouldn't feel so constantly triggered and in pain.

But nobody gets to choose trauma.

This wasn't a unique trauma, a first-time event. Pogroms are nothing new to us, genocides and attempts at such against us aren't anything new, hateful libel and lies are near-constants.

That's part of what made October 7th so much worse.

I grew up hearing about how my great-grandfather lost his entire family to the Holocaust, how my ancestors survived pogroms, how my parents faced systemic antisemitism in the USSR.

We all grew up hearing our parents and grandparents tell us about antisemitism.

And do not think we were ignorant of it. I was well aware that the world is not even close to shedding its deeply ingrained antisemitism.

I was aware of it when I wrote a speech about discussion of modern antisemitism and being told it was "well-written but controversial". I was aware of it when my teacher said I was responding "emotionally, not academically" to an author claiming antisemitism and the Holocaust weren't "that bad".

I was aware of it when a synagogue near me got shot up, a synagogue I've been to. I was aware of it because I had no other choice.

But it had always felt like it was "winding down" from what my parents had told me. Yes what my teacher did was bad but at least he didn't explicitly single me out for being a Jew and intentionally fail me. Yes the feedback for my speech was hurtful but it wasn't like I was being violently censored. Yes the shooting was awful but it wasn't a full-blown pogrom.

I'm not saying my logic was correct. Far from it. But that's how it felt before October 7th.

When October 7th happened I saw that nothing was "winding down" as I had previously thought. People were still just as keen to gleefully cheer on the killing of Jews as they had been. The world is just as slow to act when Jews are being forcibly held and tortured and killed. Blood libel and ideas of the "doctor's plot" are alive and well.

Oct 7th triggered old trauma, Oct 7th was traumatic in its own right, and for most of us, Oct 7th proved that antisemitism isn't going anywhere. It isn't winding down or getting better.

And that kind of pain? That kind of trauma? That sticks with you.

You wouldn't tell any other person to get over their trauma. So what makes it ok to say it to traumatized Jews as we are still processing the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust?

That behavior is horrible and inexcusable.

Trauma is trauma, you don't get to decide who does or doesn't have the right to be traumatized. You don't get to decide how people discuss their trauma.

#jumblr #jewish #judaism #jew #proud israeli #israel solidarity #opinion #discourse #antisemitism #trauma #generational trauma

[strawberrystepmom]

the one

pairing: gojo satoru x f!reader

word count: 10k

about: in the aftermath of incredible loss and pain and nearly losing satoru himself, a week long road trip on one of the most famous routes in the world solidifies what you've already known to be true about gojo - he is the one for you & you for him.

contents: nsfw - mdni. established relationship (reader and gojo are engaged), story told through vignettes, major spoilers for ch 220 and beyond although the story is not canon compliant (gojo dies and is revived), major character deaths and discussion of them, descriptions of anxiety, panic attacks, and dealing with trauma, discussions about marriage and engagement, mentions of blood and injury.

gojo has an identity crisis, reader is a teacher and is appointed interim principal of the Tokyo campus, lots of flowery descriptions of nature and of my beloved california (i am not a california girl but i have longed my whole life 2 be one), gojo is referred to as husband, sweetheart, and baby, reader is referred to as wife, angel, pretty, and baby, reader has breasts, small smut scene with sensual and romantic unprotected piv sex, mutual body worship, vaginal fingering, creampie.

notes: if you have made it to this point and still want to read, thank you. this is a love letter spritzed with parfums de marly delina sent directly to gojo satoru from me and i'm very proud of this work.

he's so important to me and i think exploring him when he can't hide behind the veneer of being strong anymore is one of the most worthwhile uses of my time since ever. i hope that you enjoy ♡

wavy divider thanks to @/cafekitsune!!!!

One week.

One measly, little week - 168 hours or seven unique opportunities to see the sun rise and set - is all you’re asking to be granted while promising all but your limbs and hypothetical first born child to the acting principal of both the Kyoto and Tokyo campuses following the deaths of both Yaga and Gakuganji.

Utahime’s arms are folded over her chest and her mouth is set in a firm line while taking everything that has happened over the last month into consideration. Do you guys even have time for a break of any kind? 

Time, as you and her have both learned since that fateful night in Shibuya, becomes more difficult to quantify when you feel it’s slipping away. Every day since October 31st has felt like something each of you have had to earn rather than been given by sheer act of existence. It has been a fight since the moment each of you stepped foot into the railway station and now that it’s over, things feel so undefined. 

What comes next now that the immediate evil is gone? There will always be another threat of danger that appears as soon as one is eliminated and all that’s left of the sorcery community learned the hard way that sometimes that evil proves difficult without the man who has worked tirelessly to keep all of you safe around.

“Please. He needs this so badly and I know if I don’t force him to stop, he won’t.”

Your plea causes her gaze to shift from downward to your face and Utahime’s distaste for the man in question all but disappears when she looks over the concerned furrow of your brow and the dark circles under your eyes. She watched Gojo being whisked away to return to the Tokyo campus, the place where the two of you are sitting and having this discussion, ripped to all but bits but still throwing his thumb up to confirm he’s okay to everyone’s mixed annoyance and amusement. 

Contemplating every aspect of the situation for a moment, she comes to the conclusion that this week is something both of you need and there’s no viable way for her to tell you no. Not when you look so desperate, hands shaking and eyes sunken. 

Despite the mess you will be leaving behind, building debris and rubble the mere surface of the ripples caused in your small community and wider society by Satoru’s defeat of Kenjaku and Sukuna both within days of each other, she feels there’s no other option but to reluctantly give in.

“Okay.”

The tone of her voice is so tentative you’re expecting a but as her very next word but she shuts her mouth with finality written across her face. Grateful, you bow your head and blink back tears but she walks toward you and grabs one of your hands. She squeezes it gently, reminding herself to avoid the spots you broke it in 7 weeks ago and you find the sudden change in her demeanor concerning. 

Did she change her mind? Is he going to have to go from half dead on a cold metal table right back into the swing of things? 

“When you get back, be ready because you’re in charge here.”

The news comes as a shock and she can tell, your eyes widening and hollowing further. Bile rises in your throat and you swallow, blinking additional tears back, ashamed that your weakness is what represents the strongest individuals you’ve ever met and not just the one who your heart belongs to.

Iori doesn’t stick around for long to watch you come to terms with your new position, simply squeezing your hand and patting it with the back of her other one, before dropping it to slink off to her students that stand on the opposite side of the lounge everyone is occupying. 

Shutting your eyes tightly, you use the time to balance yourself and remember that you can deal with the upcoming challenges when you return. What’s most important is the here and now and there are a few things you’re currently sure of. 

First, Satoru is alive and breathing despite the terror you experienced when he was not. Second, you have at least one week to contemplate your own future and in true procrastinator form, you will wait until the last minute to even begin processing the weight of the responsibilities that have been placed on your shoulders. 

“He’s asking for you.”

Shoko’s approach is stealthy and you don’t notice her until she’s pulling a glove off beside you, the snap of the latex making you forget the tidy little list you were creating in your head. She doesn’t look any more morose than usual and you take it as a good sign, awkwardly nodding and keeping your head pointed toward the ground to avoid prying eyes. 

It’s not like everyone doesn’t already know about the two of you but there’s no plausible deniability anymore. No coy smiles and playing it off like it’s no big deal, not when there’s an engagement ring nestled safely in its box on your nightstand at home and when he’s asking for you as soon as he wakes up.

The room is eerily silent as you shuffle out of it beside one of your oldest friends and this is where she finally drapes an arm around your shoulder, stopping you and crowding you off to the side of the hallway. 

“He doesn’t look like himself right now,” she warns and you nod. You expected it, his energy depleted by the time both battles were won, but you still swallow thickly and struggle to get the lump in your throat down. Once she’s certain you are okay, she nods and keeps her arm around your shoulder until you reach the metal door to her domain that separates you and the love of your life.

“I’m going to give you two some privacy but if you need me you know where I’ll be.”

You’re sure she’s grateful for the reprieve, catching sight of her puffy eyes as she turns to walk away. You stop her and she smiles wordlessly, friends for long enough that the two of you know what the other is thinking. 

Thank you, I know, I’m glad he’s okay too.

Pushing the door open you hear an exaggerated groan and a watery giggle bubbles out of you. He just can’t help himself, one arm wrapped securely and safely and the other still oozing through its bandages. His torso is exposed and you can see the blow that killed him firsthand, an unnaturally precise cut across his lower abdomen. 

This is the sight that chokes you up and he chuckles weakly, unable to lift his head more than a few inches. He does look different, covered in scrapes and cuts and blood of uncertain origin, but he’s still himself. Those dimples still stick out against his pale skin when he smiles weakly at you and despite its pinkish hue, his white hair sticks up on end like it always does.

“No crying, baby.”

Sniffling, you look toward the cold tiles below and he tuts from the operating table. Holding his cleanly wrapped arm up he curls a finger toward himself to beckon you over.

“C‘mere.”

Slowly, you do. Each footstep feels as though you’re walking across cracking ice and it makes you cautious, scared that you’ve deluded yourself into believing that he’s here and he’s fine and things are going to be okay and in the midst of the angst, suddenly you remember - he is. 

He’s in front of you and breathing and you can’t stop the tears from falling when you reach the edge of the table, reaching to cup his face in your palms like you always do. 

“Don’t ever do that to me again.”

Another weak chuckle and he wraps his hand around one of your wrists, delicately holding it with his thumb and index finger. 

“Didn’t you say that about the prison realm too?”

Nodding and sniffling, you smile and he smiles back. It’s warm and inviting and all you can think about is how you feared you’d never see it again; that he’d become another loss forcing you to grow colder and colder until the inevitability of becoming a husk like the other sorcerers in your life would come true. 

“Yeah, I guess I did. Maybe I need some new material.”

A chuckle that turns into a wince makes you coo and his half smile instantly turns smug, one corner of his mouth upturned into a smirk. 

“I have always been the funny one, haven’t I?”

Scoffing, you don’t playfully swat at him like you always do and he misses it. The gentle swipe of your fingers across his pec or shoulder or arm to let him know he has entertained you is something he will not take for granted from this day forward. His chest tightens and his loose grip around your wrist tightens.

It hasn’t registered quite yet that he almost never saw you again twice. That realization will come painfully when he’s struggling to sleep some night, wrapping himself around your body to be certain you will never leave his side, as all of his realizations about his own mortality do. 

Until then he’ll embrace the reality in front of him.

“I’m so happy to see you,” he whispers and you see a shadow of sadness cross his face, smirk drooping into a frown. Your palms on his skin leech warmth into his tired bones and he shifts his head to lean into one of your hands, eyes fluttering shut and staying that way until he musters enough humility to say what he wants to say to you the most.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s still the coward's way out but he’s simply too tired and weakened to go into the specifics of everything he’s sorry for. Is strength even worth it if you still managed to save so few people you care about? The weight of the world remains on his shoulders and you carefully lean over him, pressing your cheek to his and shifting your hands from his face to his shoulders. 

“Oh sweetheart,” it’s a nickname you rarely use for him and it makes his heart leap to hear it even when your voice cracks. “You have nothing to apologize for. Never to me.”

He wishes he agreed with you. 

“Well, I am and nothing like this will ever happen again.”

The unspoken truth between both of you is that he said the same thing when he was released from the prison realm weeks ago and yet, this happened.

“You can’t control everything, Satoru.” You lift your cheek from his and glance down at him to see his eyes half open. “Nothing that has happened is your fault.”

Something else he wishes he could agree with. He gives you a small smile and you lean to kiss his cheek, shutting your eyes tightly to keep from breaking into absolute hysterics. You’ve been teetering on the edge for days but you know this is not the time for your usual dramatics, it’s time to hold it together for him like he has done for you so many times.

“But we can and should talk about this more on our trip.”

His half open eyes shoot open and he looks at you with uncertainty etched in all of his pretty features. 

“Trip?”

Currently, he’s in no condition to go anywhere except for hopefully home with you tonight, but a few more hours with Shoko and his cursed energy slowly returning should be enough to get the process of healing going but he knows you know that and wonders what your angle is. 

“Road trip. Very little impact, all we have to do is fly to California and don’t worry, I’ll drive the whole time.”

He smiles and chuckles, reaching to capture your hand in his own and lift your palm to his mouth. Kissing you gently, he sits up a little more now that he’s feeling stronger and you lean on the side of the table.

“How long?”

“I had to practically beg for it but we both have a whole week off. The road trip will be 5 days and we’ll have two days to travel there and back.”

Summarizing the trip aloud makes it feel real despite you having done no work to make it so, eager to see him and how he’s doing before making any solid plans, but you can tell that he’s interested based solely by the look on his face. Still, you worry it’s too soon and too much after everything that has happened.

“Do you want to? We can always hold off and do it another time if you don’t feel up to it.”

He shakes his head and kisses your palm again, molding your fingers to the curve of his face so that he can be held by you for just a little while. Your touch may not heal him physically but it fills the gaps in his soul, the little pieces he has been torn into since October 31st, and he needs it more than he needs another session of energy granted to him from Shoko right now.

“I want to go as soon as we can. Especially if I get to look pretty in the passenger seat the entire time.”

It’s so beautiful to have him come back to you a bit at a time and your heart swells until you’re afraid it’ll burst when you look down at him. His eyes are shut again and his cheek fits perfectly in your palm, just as it always does. 

He lived and now he gets to have a week by your side with no responsibilities. If he weren’t so comforted by your presence right now, certain you are real and tangible and holding him to the best of your ability in his current condition, he would believe that he’s still dead.

“I should let Shoko get back to work,” you say finally and he whines. A little bit more of him comes back with each passing moment and emotion swells again, your eyes burning when they start to well up. 

“I love you,” he whispers and you lean down to kiss him for real, your soft lips hungrily pressing against his dry and split ones for the first time since he left you and came back. It’s familiar and it sends you over the edge, tears breeching your closed eyes and dripping onto his cheek. He laughs, although it’s a bit hollow, and you back your face away from his.

“I told you no crying.”

You laugh and lean in to steal another kiss, his arm wrapping around your body and cupping your hip. The kiss grows in intensity, although it’s more a lazy exploration of each other’s mouths more than it is an earnest makeout session, and his hand slides from your hip to your ass just as the metal door screeches open.

“Save that for when I send him home with you tonight.”

Heels clack across the tile floor and you peel yourself away from Satoru, who keeps his hand firmly cupping your ass, turning your head to see Shoko snapping on a pair of gloves and walking toward her patient. You shoot her a grateful smile and she nods her head, letting you lean in for one more kiss before reluctantly parting.

“Man I love her,” you hear him mutter to Shoko who laughs and shakes her head as you’re leaving. 

“Yeah, I know. You never shut up about it even when you’re half dead.”

DAY 1 - SAN FRANCISCO, CA

Your flight landed three hours ago, 9 hours passing far more quickly than you expected. Satoru held your hand the entire flight and you let him have the window seat, watching clouds obscure the light dancing over his face every time he'd shift his gaze toward the sky outside. Looking at him never gets old, even with a baseball cap pulled over his face to obscure his injuries despite how much they’ve improved since days ago. 

Disembarking and entering the airport felt like going through the motions and you realized while grabbing your luggage that it has felt like that all day. It feels like just going through the motions despite everything and your excitement for the next several days and guilt gnaws at you because of it. Shouldn’t you be living every day, minute, second as joyfully as possible given Satoru is alive and with you? Why do you still feel so bad?

The feeling remains a mystery while the two of you gradually make your way out of the airport and into the cool city lying outside, your rental car already picked up and the keys jingling in your hand as you unlock the door to load everything up. Gojo takes the duties over for you and you smile at him gratefully, heading to the driver’s seat to get settled in.

“You alright?”

He has asked you many times today how you’re doing and your answer has been a polite nod and a smile each time, maybe a muttered “yeah I’m alright” if he’s lucky, but he can tell something is bothering you. Chalking it up to travel anxiety, he slides into the passenger seat and finally takes his hat off, chucking it aside. You watch his wispy hair fall over his face, the dark bruise on his cheekbone finally looking lighter than it did when you left Tokyo this morning and you genuinely smile for the first time all day.

“Hello handsome.”

Satoru chuckles and you laugh along with him, eyes crinkling at the corners. You aren’t sure if it’s exhausted delirium making you feel better but you allow yourself to feel at ease for the first time in weeks, settling into your seat and starting the engine of the mid size SUV that will be your chariot for the next several days.

“Do you wanna go straight to the hotel or did you want to stop somewhere first?”

He hums, thinking, and his stomach growls which gives him his answer.

“Let’s stop and get something to eat.”

You nod, tipping your head toward his phone.

“Your pick. Find a place and I’ll get us there.”

Picking the device up, he smiles at the sight of your face next to his on the screen, matching grins as big as your faces. Hopefully there will be opportunities for more photos just like that one on this trip despite how worn both of you feel right now. 

Even smiling sounds exhausting at this point but he musters one for you, opening the app with a little map as its logo, searching for restaurants near the airport. He wrinkles his nose at the list of chain restaurants and settles on a deli that looks easy to get in and out of, disinterested in a sit down meal. 

He turns the phone in your direction.

“Sounds good?”

You hum affirmatively and press on the screen, a digital voice through the speaker giving you turn by turn directions. You’ve visited San Francisco before and so has he, just not together, and the two of you smile contentedly watching the city roll by and you’ve arrived before you know it, parking on the sidewalk outside of the entrance. He grabs the cap he dropped onto the floorboards and slips it over his head, the bill covering his bruised eyes.

Taking a deep breath, you don’t notice he’s glancing at you until you turn to look at him and his brow is furrowed in concern. You are wound as tightly as he’s ever seen you and he worries this entire trip and the pressure of it is stressing you out more than you already are, the opposite of the desired effect. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, angel?”

Nodding, you plaster on a quick smile and reach for the door handle. 

“I think I’m just tired. I can’t remember the last time I slept well.”

He understands not to push any further despite lingering concern and he opens his door, stepping out into the cool evening and sighing contentedly, stretching his long limbs out. Still a little stiff from his injuries, he waits on the sidewalk for you to round the car and join him and wiggles his arms and hands. 

“You look so cute when you do that,” you mutter with a smile. For a moment, his concern quiets down but your face falls so quickly it comes straight back. Coming to his side, you clutch his hand as if it’s an anchor keeping you sane and nod in the direction of the door. “After you, baby.”

Gladly, he pulls you along with him and the bell over the door dings. It’s a small space and while not packed wall to wall, it’s more crowded than you expected on a weekday evening and you take it in stride, the overhead lighting making your eyes burn after a day spent in mostly darkness. Satoru leans down and kisses the top of your head, inspecting the menu hanging from the ceiling, keeping his mouth pressed against your hair and humming. It’s comforting and you appreciate the gesture, he knows you well enough to be able to tell when you’re struggling, but you can’t focus on what’s happening with the pit in your stomach growing wider by the second.

This room full of people has no idea what either of you have just been through. The weeks of hell, watching the man you love so much you’re afraid it will be your downfall, die in front of you and return like Lazarus himself, your best friend’s death. 

Your hands start to shake and your mouth runs dry.

They have no idea your fiancé just killed the body of a man he loved dearly for the second time or that children he assisted raising both lost their lives in the process. These strangers will never know or understand what happened, their lives continuing as carelessly and freely as they always have, and a lump develops in your throat remembering the responsibilities waiting for you when you return home. 

Your life has changed forever and the world keeps turning, a notion that is suffocating.

It has been years since your last panic attack but you recognize the feeling immediately. The room shrinks and you laugh nervously, balling your fists. Satoru recognizes something is wrong and tries to grab your attention, quietly mouthing words you can’t make out. Shaking your head and blinking, you laugh again and he uses his grip on your hand to gently guide you toward the door. He keeps his steps short and soft to make sure you stay with him until the two of you are able to find a way to slip outside. 

Bending at the knees slightly to come face level with you, he cups your face with your free hand and knits his brows together. If you can't remember the last time you had a panic attack neither can he and he wracks his tired brain to figure out how to make this better. You aren’t asking him to, just for his support, but he has failed to keep you safe and happy so many times he can’t bear to let you fall victim to your own mind while he stands and breathes beside you.

“Come on, let’s get in the car.”

Nodding, you can’t fight the tears anymore and they start to flow freely, dripping down your face and onto the sidewalk below as you let go of his hand long enough to skulk to the driver’s seat of the SUV. Opening the door and sliding in, the door has barely shut by the time you sob aloud, gasping for air and lifting your shaking hands to your face. 

Satoru grasps your wrists with one of his hands and pulls your hands down from your cheeks gently, using his other hand to position your head until you’re facing him. Seeing you like this utterly rends him, his own throat tightening watching you struggle to breathe. Without thinking, he does what he would do for his students in this situation.

“Can you breathe for me?”

Despite how sobs make your shoulders shake, you nod and try to inhale deeply through your nose. It still doesn’t feel like enough air but you panic less once it reaches your lungs, exhaling through your mouth.

“Oh, baby.” He hates that this is the only thing he can think of to say. There has and never will be a point where he’s better at words of comfort than you are and it intimidates him how his blindspots only come to light when people need him the most. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Without thinking, you blurt out the news you wanted to tell him after you returned home. 

“They’re making me principal.”

His eyes widen and he starts to grin but it dims as soon as he sees more tears fall down your face, your sniffling filling the car.

“They picked the best person for the job,” he comforts and you shake your head, refusing to believe that it’s true.

“They picked the easiest scapegoat. They’re going to kill me just like they did Yaga.”

The people who killed Yaga have been permanently removed from their positions by two of your students, their deaths coming just before Satoru’s battle with Sukuna began, but you still worry about what comes next. The clans now hold all of the power and if they’re angry enough over what occurred, you’re the person who will be on the hook to deal with it all.

“No one is going to do that, I would never let them.”

You sniffle and look away, brows furrowed while tears drip into your lap.

“What if it isn’t your choice, Satoru?”

A dark thought consumes the usually easy going man, his stomach turning. Has your faith in him wavered? Do you think he wouldn’t cut down anyone who dared try to hurt or upset you? 

“Look at me?”

You do, just as you do any time he asks, and he sighs defeatedly. Now your hackles are raised because you’re worried about him, sniffling and reaching across the car for him. You clutch onto his t-shirt and he lets you, the fabric spilling between your fingers.

“I will never let anything bad happen to you ever again.” You’ve never seen him look so serious, no trace of humor to be found anywhere. No glimmer in his tired blue eyes, no upturned lip to reveal a dimple. You know he needs this confirmation and you nod, sniffling and pulling him closer to you with his shirt.

“Do you trust me?” You nod but it isn’t enough, his gaze still hardened. “I need you to say it.”

Swallowing to try and wet your dry mouth, you nod again and sniffle.

“I trust you with everything and I always will.” Another sniffle but you feel more normal, your breaths still coming quicker than usual but slowly steadying with each moment that passes. Keeping his shirt in your balled fists, you sigh and shake your head. “This isn’t about not trusting you, it’s about being afraid of what comes next.”

Now he understands. 

Your faith in him is unshakeable, something you have told him more times than you can count and meant every single one, but the future itself is terrifying. Nobody knows what is coming next, least of all you.

“I know but just like you always tell me, things will work out how they’re supposed to and if they don’t, I will kill anyone who is mean to you.”

Finally, this draws a watery laugh from you and he softens, posture slackening. His stomach growls again and you whine, upset that your own antics prevented him from doing what you two came here to do in the first place - eat.

“I’m sorry about this,” you mumble and he leans over the console to kiss your forehead. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, I’d rather get room service anyway.”

Sniffling again, you untangle your hands from his shirt and turn toward the wheel, positioning yourself to start driving again.

“Wanna go to the hotel then?”

He nods with a soft smile, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. 

“Do you want me to drive?”

You shake your head, face looking far less distraught than it did a few minutes ago, and he breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Will you really kill anyone who is mean to me?”

He hums exaggeratedly to accompany an animated nod.

“Thank you,” you whisper and he squeezes your shoulder with his arm.

“I’m a nice guy, what can I say?”

DAY 3 - MONTEREY, CA TO BIG SUR, CA

The California coastline glimmers beneath the sun and although you’re driving, you keep sneaking glances toward the edge of the highway, eyes widening every time something beautiful comes into view. You may as well keep them wide open, constantly amazed by the world surrounding you even as it breezes past while you drive.

Day 2 went off without a hitch for the most part, no panic attacks or the like occurring, but you noticed this morning that Satoru seemed quiet. His usual exuberance has been missing from your conversations, instead dimmed down into something that feels like an imitation of the man. You understand this is part of the process of coming to terms with everything that happens but you feel guilty, as if your outburst is keeping him from feeling comfortable enough to be himself.

It could also have nothing to do with you but it’s easier to blame yourself than it is to think about anything else that could possibly be bothering him, your tendency to fall on your sword even worse when it comes to him. The devotion he gives you is returned in full, your natural instinct always to keep him happy and away from anything that could hurt him as unfair as it can be to do so. 

You can’t protect anyone from sorrow, it comes as naturally as the waves wash up on the shore below you, all you can do is witness it unfold and hope it doesn’t become a tsunami.

The two of you have been driving in comfortable silence for miles, occasionally oohing aloud at the cliff sides, but it has become less comfortable now that you’re thinking about how it has been like this all day. You try to think of something to talk about but come up short, focusing on the road, and he captures your attention when he speaks.

“I saw them, you know. When I died.”

You raise your eyebrows but don’t look at him, keeping your focus on the road.

“Did you?”

Satoru nods and clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, carelessly sticking his hand out of the small crack in the unrolled window. It isn’t big enough to let the chilly winter air through but it’s just wide enough for him to feel the wind at 40 mph with his Infinity off. 

“Yup, they asked me about you. How you’re doing.”

He doesn’t have to say who he saw but you know, gut churning. It’s unlikely that Kento would ask, given you were one of the last people he saw before meeting his fate but Yu and - as painful as it is to even recall his name sometimes - Suguru would. 

“What’d you tell them?”

“The truth.”

Raising a brow, you focus on the road ahead of you and drum your fingertips idly against the sides of the steering wheel hoping he’ll elaborate on what the truth actually is. The silence sits heavier than you’d like it to and you open your mouth to end it but he beats you to the punch, head tipped back against the seat he’s sitting in. 

“Told them about us and that we’re going to get married.” You smile and he watches your cheek curve, mirroring it with one of his own that fades quickly while he continues speaking. “Told them you’re probably doing pretty badly because I failed to keep you safe. That you have been dead already.”

Shooting him a glance out of the corner of your eye, it’s hard to convey exactly how his words affect you while navigating a vehicle down an elevated single lane highway. 

Sometimes he forgets what it’s like to exist vulnerably. You’ve always been the wall between himself and the world, the place where he has allowed himself to soften and take down all airs, but now he wonders what it would be like if he extended that beyond just you. Other friends, what remains of his family, his students. He could never fully give himself to anyone the way he has to you but it’s something to consider while he spreads his fingers and lets the wind blow through them.

Does he deserve any of this?

He didn’t keep you safe. He didn’t keep Megumi or Tsumiki or Nobara safe. He failed, yet here he sits by your side, cold air chilling the tips of his fingers. In an instant, he feels nothing, turning his Infinity on wordlessly and keeping his gaze locked on the trees rushing by his window while you consider what to say to help him right now. 

“It has never been your responsibility to keep me safe, Satoru.”

He chuckles humorlessly and swallows so thickly you can hear it even with the sound of air entering the car through the cracked window. 

“For my entire life, my only purpose has been to keep people safe. If I can’t do that, what can I do?”

Glancing at the road, you spot the shoulder and decide to pull off to the side, parking and turning on your lights. Satoru has been wordless and still for longer than you’ve ever seen him and your heart breaks imagining how he must feel right now. 

The weight of the world is a heavy burden to carry and he has done it since before he could form full sentences, a fact you forget because he wears the responsibility as though it’s a cloak he can shrug off at any time, but you know that he takes it far more seriously inwardly. His life has been wrapped up in grooming him to be not simply a protector, but the protector, the gatekeeper of the insular society the two of you are a part of.

“Look at me?”

You ask just as he asked you to do two days ago and he does, the quarter turn of his head giving you an actual view of his face for the first time all day. He looks better than he did yesterday, scratches and bruises healing far faster than they would otherwise as he restores his energy. His eyes meet yours for a minute and you catch the shimmer that means his Infinity is turned on and you look away from him to compose yourself. 

His carefully crafted facade has shattered at his feet - he’ll always be The Strongest but his weakness was exposed in the form of bleeding out, severed through the middle, on a battlefield. What is he supposed to do now? 

Your eyes turn toward him once again and you sigh though it holds nothing but concern and you unbuckle your seatbelt to shift your body until you’re facing him, knees pressed against the center console. He half smiles and chuckles to himself seeing you move and get comfortable but it dies as quickly as it came, his head still pressed to the headrest while looking directly at you.

All you can do is help him pick up the pieces and figure out who he wants to be now that he has the ability to choose. 

“You know I don’t love you because you’re strong, right?”

He shrugs.

“I’m sure it probably helps.”

“No, Satoru. I love you because you make me laugh and cry and get angry sometimes. You let me be myself and never ask that I be anyone different even though I’m sure it would make your life easier if I were less stubborn and set in my ways.”

Getting choked up, you stop yourself and his eyes stop shimmering, Infinity off. He reaches across the center console and holds your hand, smoothing his thumb over the back of it and feeling the puckered wounds that are becoming eerily smooth scars. Swallowing, you blink and will yourself to keep it together until you get through what you have to say.

“I love you because you are courageous and that has nothing to do with your abilities, that’s who you are in your heart. You care so much despite how little you try to show it and your devotion goes deeper than the ocean and you are loyal and…”

Trailing off, searching for the words to sum up how you feel about him, he squeezes his hand and you see a peek of him in the soft smile on his face. Tipping his head to the side, he widens his eyes.

“You forgot handsome.”

Despite being near tears, you laugh and he feels warmer just listening to it and witnessing the grin he loves so much spreading across your face.

“You are the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on, even when you’re a little scraped up, don’t worry about that.”

Despite how difficult you have been to understand throughout various points in your decade long relationship with the man, he knows everything you’re saying is true or else you would not say it. You are too honest at times even if it’s sugarcoated to keep from hurting feelings but he knows you give him the most vulnerable form of yourself just as he does for you. 

He scrunches his nose and turns toward you, unbuckling so he can shift his body to face you. 

“Those sound like vows. Have you been practicing?”

Shrugging, you play his question off with a wry smile because he caught you. You still feel teary but blinking keeps any from coming and you idly play with his fingers and allow yourself to indulge in romance despite the heaviness still lingering between the two of you.

“Not necessarily practicing, just trying to figure out how to put how I feel about you into words because I don’t think the words I need exist.”

An arched brow is his response and you roll your eyes, tilting your chin toward the ground to hide your smile. He doesn’t want to coax anything additional out of you but the relief he feels knowing you still want to marry him despite everything that has happened is almost as comforting as the first breath he took waking back up after being healed enough to keep going by Shoko and Yuuta. 

He would be doing you both a disservice if he let you off the hook completely, though.

“So you still want to marry me?”

You scoff, lifting your head to look at him with a raised brow that mirrors the one he just gave you.

“Please. I’d marry you right now if you wanted.”

“Then do it.”

Opening your mouth to speak, you stop when the words won’t come, and he fills in the blanks for you.

“Let’s get married right now.”

“Satoru, we are in a car pulled off to the side of the road on one of the most famous highways in America.”

“So?”

At least his mood seems to have improved, the mischievous glimmer back in his eyes as he looks at where your hand and his take turns smoothing over each other. The two of you are always so sync even if you don’t realize it, seeking one another out like air, and you inhale sharply to keep from getting emotional once again.

“Okay. How do you wanna do it?”

He grins, shrugging.

“I guess we just say it.”

“You’re ridiculous,” you shoot at him despite the smile on your face and he leans across the center console to kiss you. It amazes you just how many different types of kisses this man can give you in the span of a few minutes, going from silly to sweet to sincere to sexy, but you’re grateful to be on the receiving end of each one. Your lips mold to his perfectly, no longer split and cracked the way they were a few days ago, and he pulls back from you with raised brows and meets your eyes.

“And you’re my wife.”

For as unceremonious as the event of apparently becoming his wife has been, you feel a rush of heat to your face when he says the word in reference to you and the way his gemstone eyes are gazing into yours tells you that he means it. You are his wife and as far as you’re concerned, just saying it is enough, you can worry about the rest later.

“Does that make you my husband?”

Smiling, he tips his head and leans forward to press his forehead against yours.

“I sure hope so.”

And so it begins, the rest of your trip as makeshift newlyweds, your heart pounding at the realization that this means forever. This is the commitment to one another you’ve both been anticipating and scared to make, you spent years running from him because you knew this was the only outcome, but with noses touching and two sets of eyes blinking at one another it has never been more apparent that you two were meant for this, for each other.

DAY 6 - MALIBU, CA - POINT DUME LOOKOUT

The final day of the trip has passed by at lightning speed, your flight leaving from LAX first thing in the morning. It feels correct that you’re spending your last few hours on some of the most beautiful soil on earth watching the sunset over the horizon in Malibu despite the cool air of the January day. The ocean glimmers and you can’t help but gasp in awe at what you see, feeling like a proverbial goddess staring at the open land below you.

“This is beautiful,” you mutter and Gojo joins your side, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He has a blanket and spare jacket tucked under the other, something to keep you both warm after the sun fully sets and the air grows colder.

“Almost as pretty as you.”

Rolling your eyes, you swat at his chest and suddenly every piece falls back into place. The past five days have been exactly what he needed to find himself, to return to who he is and who he wants to be, and it thrills him to think for even a moment that he may someday feel completely normal again. It won’t undo the things that have happened but it will help him make sense of them.

“Ouch,” he mutters playfully and you laugh, pulling the blanket out of the crook of his elbow and placing it on the ground below with a flourish and a shake of your hands. You instantly sink to the ground below, crossing your legs and sitting back with your hands bracing you. Satoru follows suit with an easy smile, sunglasses covering his eyes despite his facial injuries now being mostly gone. 

Sighing, you tip your head upward and let the sunlight warm it. 

Things are going to be okay, you tell yourself with an earnestness you couldn’t muster a week ago. This is exactly what you needed.

A comfortable silence falls over the two of you, contentedly watching seabirds drift by in the distance, but you sit up and turn to face Gojo, smiling wistfully watching the sunset on his features.

“You wanna know what I’ve been thinking about lately?”

He hums at your question, nodding emphatically.

“Of course.”

Turning your face back toward the sunset, you recall a moment you have been thinking about since the moment it happened, the night he called you his soulmate. It was in the thick of an emotional evening after a long day, the two of you indulging in some pillow talk before falling asleep. It was so easy for him to say, as if he never assumed anything else could be true. 

“Years ago you told me you’ve always known it was going to be us and I brushed it off as you running your mouth,” Satoru fakes offense at your words but you smile wistfully, shaking your head and looking down toward your crossed thighs, the sun suddenly becoming too bright to keep gazing at. “But it’s not a coincidence it has ended up being us two, is it?”

You feel guilty for leaving out Shoko and Utahime and the other friends and students you have met along the way but he knows better than anyone what you mean. He smiles back and captures your hand in his, your palms pressed together while watching the sunset over the Pacific Ocean, cold winter waves lapping at the jagged rocks below the cliff you sit on. 

“Add clairvoyance to my list of skills because I called it, didn’t I?” Humor mixed with unwavering honesty, one of the things you love the most about Satoru, peeks through his every word and you feel so full of love it’s hard to do anything but finally stare at him, eyes squinting thanks to the last bright remnants of daylight. “Even back when you thought I was nothing but a pest with freakishly long arms I knew it had to be you.”

Giggling, you think back to those days that were a practical lifetime ago. Time seemed like it was endless, stretching on and on forever in sundrenched days lounging in the courtyard grass at school, and you assumed you had endless amounts of it. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, it’s all the same when you know you have theoretically at least six more decades to live. 

You were reckless with your feelings and even more so with those of others back then, the man next to you a frequent recipient of annoyed eye rolls and scoffs. He knows he deserved them all even if he gives you a hard time about them now, his boyish determination to impress you gradually buffing away your edges until none remained. 

To the uninitiated, it may appear he tamed you, buffed and smoothed you into perfection equal to his own, but anyone who matters knows better. Satoru remade you, as being loved unconditionally does to anyone. He loved you when you were scowling and spitting and swiping, refusing his friendship and certainly his affections, and he loves you now with your palm pressed against his while you gently breathe in brisk ocean air wrapped in his coat.

“Thank you for never giving up on me.”

He pulls you closer, chin resting on top of your head as it always does. No response comes and you don’t need one, content to listen to the soft puffs of air leaving his nostrils that ruffle the top of your hair. Weeks ago, you weren’t certain you’d ever hear them again. Now though, the mix of the roaring waves and his breaths and his heartbeat pounding against your back catch you off guard and you start to cry, a tear trailing down your nose. 

“Don’t do that. No crying.”

Despite the tears, you laugh. It’s impossible to do anything but when he looks down at you with his head cocked, a little mocking pout on his lips. Leaning up, you kiss him gently and he hums into it, thumb reaching to swipe the stray tear off of your cheek. Leaning back from him, you sniffle.

“Just a little? You know how I am.”

He shakes his head. How can he ever deny you anything? You’re his life, his reason, his world. His one.

“Okay, a tear or two for my little crybaby but that’s it.”

Whatever tears were welling up dissipate quickly when you start laughing and it wows you how it seems like everything is truly back to normal. The two of you glancing at one another like lovesick teenagers, the same as you did ten years ago, the same as you will for the rest of your lives.

“You were right, you know. We are soulmates.” 

He grins.

“That’s not something I hear from you often but I’ll take it.”

DAY 7 - TOKYO, JP

The 9 hours back home felt far longer than the ones passing on the way there but after a blissful week and an easy flight, you are home and you are clean and you are comfortable in your own bed.

Spread across the mattress in nothing but a towel, you listen to Satoru hum from the adjoining bathroom while he brushes his teeth, running water mingling with a song that kept playing on the radio during your trip that has been stuck in his head for four days. Giggling, you wonder if he knows you can hear him or if he’s truly in his own little world.

“Turn the water off, it’s wasteful!”

You playfully shout into the bathroom and you hear the water cease but the humming continues. He’s well aware that you’re listening and it’s glorious to see even more of him come home - his happiness returning and stabilizing over the last few days. You worried at the beginning of your trip things would never be the same and they won’t, of course, the losses you’ve both suffered more than any one person should have to, but they will feel good again and already do.

Speaking of feeling good, your husband (who is very insistent that you call him this despite no legal documentation of your marriage existing) saunters into the room with a towel low slung on his hips and you can’t help but let your eyes roam over every part of him. His arms are no longer bruised and scuffed, back to their defined and pristine glory. The face you know every contour of is back to normal as well, nary a trace of anything happening in the first place, but curiously - he isn’t devoting any energy to heal the scars across his torso. Small silvery slashes and the big one where Sukuna split him into two remain visible.

Your mouth waters watching him dry the ends of his hair with a towel and it’s no longer satisfying to merely look, you need to feel; to touch every piece of him to ensure he’s still here despite having done it many times over the last several days. Every touch will be like this for the rest of your life, you think, making sure he’s whole and real and yours.

“Come here,” you nod and tilt your head, flipping from your back onto your stomach and swinging your legs in the air behind you. Gojo hums, raising his eyebrows and sliding onto the bed next to you, leaning onto his side and propping his head up with a hand.

“What can I do for you?”

You giggle almost girlishly, fluttering your lashes for no particular reason other than to let him know that he still has the ability to fluster you a decade together later. Tentatively, you reach toward him and trace your finger over the scar through the middle of his torso, the flesh smooth and pearlescent.

“Keeping that one?”

He shrugs, looking down to see your single finger become an entire palm pressed against his abdomen, your fingers tracing small paths across his abs and chest. The muscles beneath your hand tense with each touch and you pull yourself to your knees, crawling across the bed to kneel beside him.

“Maybe I’ll get rid of it eventually. I have the choice, you know?”

That he does and you nod, understanding. Your hand continues to travel over his chest, smoothing over each of his pecs and your core flutters excitedly when your hand travels from his upper torso to the lower portion, fingers sliding beneath the knot of his towel. 

He looks over your body, the way that your tits are pressed together and spilling over the towel secured over them, eyes trailing from your cleavage to your shoulder where a jagged and angry scar of your own sits. It’s from an attempt to dismember you in Shibuya, to cleave your arm straight from your shoulder, yet you don’t let the fact that it’s there bother you a bit. 

Satoru’s cock starts to harden under his towel merely looking at you and you smile watching it come to life beneath the cotton covering it, pushing him backward and flat onto his back so that you can straddle him. Discarding your towel, you drop it on the floor next to the bed and lean over him, chests pressed together while your knees rest on either side of his hips. 

“Hello there,” he teases and you laugh, leaning down to kiss him and bracing your forearms on either side of his head. There is no time wasted on gentle kisses, opting instead for the type that sear as you pant into his mouth and feel his bulge pressed against your bare cunt. You grind against him, the friction from the towel over his cock making you whimper, and one of his hands finds your hip to hold you steady while you make yourself feel good. 

“You like that, baby?”

Humming affirmatively to his question, you drag yourself across his covered length for only a moment more and choose instead to sit up, giving him a full view of all of you. This is a sight he has been blessed with more times than he could begin to count but every time it feels like a gift, your breasts swaying as you steady yourself. His hand slides from your hip to your waist and even higher, thumb and index finger pinching your nipple and making you tilt your head back and moan.

“To think I almost never saw this again,” he mutters to himself but you hear it, leaning forward enough that your face hovers above his. You kiss the side of his jaw and he groans, cock so hard the towel has shortened by several inches while it fights to sit against his stomach as gravity intends for it to.

Kissing further down his jaw and his neck, you rest your face in the crook of his neck for a moment and sigh dreamily. You're already soaked, ready to slip him inside of you at any moment.

“To think I never saw this again,” you repeat back to him and sit up, reaching behind you to unknot his towel and push it off of his hips, looking over your shoulder and groaning at his pretty pink tip resting against his belly, glossy with precum. You look down at him with a slight pout, leaning in to kiss him while running your hands over every inch of his body that you can.

“Look at you, Satoru. You’re so beautiful.”

He’s no stranger to your compliments but he flusters a bit anyway, chest turning pink as his face heats up. His white lashes flutter as he looks down at you, your mouth pressing kisses into his neck and warm chest. You scrape your teeth over his nipples and it makes him whine, bucking his hips and pressing his heavy cock against your pussy.

"Fuck baby," he mutters, hissing when you press your hips down against him, the wetness seeping from you coating your lips and his shaft in return, your hips gliding easily over him. Your mouth remains occupied, pressing kisses lower down his abdomen and over the scars he hasn't yet healed. It's your responsibility to remind him that every single piece of him is as lovable and stunning as ever and you take it seriously.

"I need you."

The rasp in his words makes you smile and you nod, ceasing your kissing and straightening your spine so that you can press your tits against his chest again. There is zero space between your bodies, just how you prefer it. He reaches for his cock and groans, wrapping his fingers around the base, abandoning it to brush his fingers over your wet cunt.

"All that for me," he marvels, two digits sinking into you with ease and you arch your back slightly, letting him spread you open while grinding your hips down against his pelvis, the direct contact of his body on your clit sending sparks through you.

"Just for you, handsome," you smirk against his neck and he crooks his fingers inside of you, brushing the spot he knows drives you wild. You moan and he pulls his fingers out of you, your cunt clenching in protest only for him to immediately replace them with the girth of his cock, your walls stretching to accommodate him.

"Feels so good," you whisper and he hums, hands coming to your hips to keep them steady while he thrusts upward into you slowly, sinking himself to the base methodically, shallow thrusts pulling him nearly out of you.

He's greedy though, undeniably addicted to the way you make him feel, and keeps enough of himself inside of you that you are unable to even begin to miss the way he feels. Your walls clench around him, keeping him secured inside and your hips grind lazily despite his grip on them.

The pleasure is mind numbing but you keep yourself alert, moaning softly while he throbs inside of you. More lazy thrusts met with slow and passionate grinding make you moan on unison, lips finding each other. Moaning into each others mouths, occasionally brushing tongues and kissing, you're overwhelmed with nothing but pure love knowing you have this to look forward to forever.

Forever sounds like a long time but you can't think of any better way to spend it than with your Satoru.

"You gonna cum baby?"

He asks and you nod, your walls gripping him tightly. His thrusts speed up, the sound of skin on skin filling your bedroom. The mind is a powerful tool and despite this being quite possibly the least active sex the two of you have ever had, you're so in love with him your body does what it does naturally and that's cum around his cock, clenching and pulsing to let him know how much all of you loves all of him.

"I love you," you babble against his mouth and he chuckles. "I know baby, I know."

Your hips still and you let him hold you in place, his back arched as he thrusts fully in and out of you, his own release slowly coming over him. His eyes flutter shut and he stays buried inside of you, ropes of his cum filling you and seeping out around the base of him, dripping down onto the towel below him.

You don't say a word, sinking into his chest while he softens inside of you. Talking feels unnecessary when your body itself says so much but the big mouth is back to normal so the blissful silence doesn't last for long.

"I love you too, by the way."

At least he's being sweet.

Giggling, you kiss him and wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, clinging to him while he moves from your mouth to press kisses into your hairline.

"So," he starts and you look up, hovering off of his chest enough to look him in his eyes. "When are we telling everyone that we're married?"

"Let's make it legal first, yeah?"

He pouts but it is replaced quickly with a wry smile and you sink back down to rest against him, cheek pressed into his collarbone. The news surely won't come as a surprise to anyone but you want to make sure it's set in stone before letting everyone know.

"Let's go first thing in the morning."

His eagerness makes you laugh but you acquiesce, knowing there's no excuse to wait. You spent enough time fighting off the inevitable that for once, you're glad to just sit back and enjoy the ride, especially when you're enjoying it by Satoru's side.

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoken #this is an entry to satoken canon yes #kendall writes

[astroa3h]

chiron through the houses 🥲

Chiron, often referred to as the "Wounded Healer" in astrology, represents our deepest wounds from childhood and the challenges we face, but also our greatest potential for healing. It's like that one thing that keeps tripping us up, but also teaches us the most valuable lessons. Each house in astrology represents a different area of life, and where Chiron falls can reveal a lot about our childhood and the kind of challenges we might face.

1st House (The House of Self): If Chiron is in your first house, as a kid, you might have felt invisible or misunderstood. Picture this: you're trying to express who you are, but it feels like no one gets it. Maybe you were bullied for being different, or you just felt like an outsider. This can lead to a lifelong journey of self-discovery, where you learn to embrace your uniqueness and stop trying to fit into someone else's box.

2nd House (The House of Value): Chiron in the second house? Money and self-worth issues could have been a big theme in your childhood. Maybe your family struggled financially, or you felt you had to earn love and approval. It's like you're always trying to prove your worth, but deep down, you struggle with feeling good enough. The lesson here is learning that your value isn't tied to your bank account or what others think of you.

3rd House (The House of Communication): Here, Chiron might have made communication a challenge. Perhaps you were super shy, had a speech issue, or just felt like no one listened to you. It's like you had all these thoughts and ideas, but expressing them was a whole other story. The journey is about finding your voice and realizing that what you have to say matters.

4th House (The House of Home and Family): This one's tough. Chiron in the fourth house can mean there were some deep wounds related to home life or family. Maybe there was instability, or you just never felt like you belonged. It's the kind of stuff that can make you feel alone in a crowded room. Healing comes from creating your own sense of home and belonging, often very different from your upbringing.

5th House (The House of Creativity and Pleasure): Childhood might have been lacking in fun and spontaneity if Chiron was here. Maybe you were forced to grow up too fast or your creative talents were dismissed. Youth most likely felt very serious and heavy. It's like you were always yearning for a carefree moment but never got it. The path to healing is about reconnecting with your inner child and allowing yourself to play and create without judgment.

6th House (The House of Health and Service): Chiron here could mean health issues or a sense of duty that weighed on you as a kid. Perhaps you had to care for others or your own health was a constant concern. It's like you never got to just be a kid because there were always responsibilities or worries. Healing involves learning to care for yourself and realizing it's okay to put your needs first sometimes.

7th House (The House of Partnerships): Relationships might have been a source of pain in childhood with Chiron in this house. Maybe you saw unhealthy relationships or experienced early heartbreak. It's like you're always searching for that perfect partner but fear getting hurt. The lesson is learning to find balance in relationships and that it's okay to be vulnerable.

8th House (The House of Transformation): This is a deep one. Chiron in the eighth house can point to experiencing loss or trauma at a young age. It's intense stuff, like dealing with death, or feeling like you've seen too much too soon. The healing journey is about facing these dark experiences and finding strength in the transformation that comes from moving through pain.

9th House (The House of Philosophy and Travel): Here, you might have felt limited or caged in, craving adventure and meaning. Maybe your family had strict beliefs, or you just felt a deep urge to explore but couldn't. Healing comes from broadening your horizons, physically or mentally, and finding your own truth.

10th House (The House of Career and Public Image): Chiron in the 10th house can mean early pressure to succeed or a fear of failure. Perhaps you were pushed into the spotlight or had big shoes to fill. It's like you're always climbing a mountain, trying to prove yourself. The key is to define success on your own terms and realize it's okay not to be perfect.

11th House (The House of Friendships and Hopes): With Chiron here, fitting in might have been the struggle. Maybe you were the odd one out, or your dreams seemed out of reach. It's like you were always on the outside looking in. Healing involves finding your tribe and realizing that your unique perspective is what makes you special.

12th House (The House of the Subconscious and Hidden Things): This is the house of secrets and hidden challenges. Chiron here might mean you had to deal with things no child should have to, often in silence. It's the unseen wounds, the stuff you keep locked away. Healing is about bringing these things into the light, facing them, and finding peace.

xox astro ash

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[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

I think canon, Lucas's canon at least, DOES portray him as wrong. I think MOST canon stories DO understand that Anakin is intended to be in the wrong, that Anakin becomes a villain and that's the whole point of his story. Even TCW, for all that they work to make Anakin more charming, plays the damn Imperial March every second they can and focused in a LOT more on his anger and violence than anything else. The only place within "canon" that arguably forgot Anakin was intended to be in the wrong was the Ahsoka show which went the route of "he was always meant to make the selfish choice because the wheel of darkness and light just keeps going no matter what" or something along those lines.

Where I find the refusal to recognize Anakin as in the wrong is actually in FANON more than canon. It's not that canon doesn't represent him as in the wrong and so fans aren't writing fics with that in mind because the source material just didn't portray him correctly. Fans are coming up with their own interpretations because of how they feel about Anakin as a character. They sympathize with Anakin, they're rooting for Anakin, they relate to Anakin, and they maybe do those things less for characters like the Jedi, so they write Anakin as a sad victim and the Jedi as oppressors because this happens to be how they relate to the story. That's not canon's fault, though.

I think that it's very EASY to relate to Anakin, perhaps more than it is to relate to the Jedi sometimes, and people often tend to reject things that they don't understand or relate to. It's easy to get caught up in Anakin's traumas and flaws and go "well his mom died, it's not his fault" or "he just wants to save his wife, it's not his fault" and miss that there's an extra step you're intended to take of "it's ok to be scared, but it's not ok to hurt other people because of it and if you do, then no matter how sympathetic the motivation is, it's still your fault." It's HARD to recognize that. It's HARD to do the work of seeing where you yourself have gone wrong and hurt others, it's hard to peel back the onion of what you're feeling and figure out where it's all coming from and accept responsibility for your own choices. It's hard. That's the point, too. It's always harder to put in that work than it is to simply let your fears consume you and push you into lashing out at others.

Canon sent that message just fine. It's not even that unique of a message, especially these days. Sympathetic villains are EVERYWHERE and those stories send the exact same message about how a relatable motivation doesn't mean you don't have to take responsibility for the pain you cause. It's just often easier to find excuses for the villains when you relate to them and easier to pin the blame on whoever opposes them, especially when those people might be less relatable to you.

#star wars #anakin skywalker #jedi #pro jedi #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical

[black-lake]

astro observations 2

more observations today for ya? this time both signs and aspects. 🦊 

Should I call it the Aquarius post? 🤔 I mentioned Aquarius too many times, sorry I relate too hard, bear with me. 

Highlights: aquarius, MC, IC, sun, virgo, capricorn, gemini, sagittarius, jupiter, mercury, moon, scorpio, aries, uranus

------

🦋 Aquarius placements especially sun, moon, mercury, mars, MC and ascendant are PROS at ignoring your texts until they want to answer. It's like they either consciously ignore your text to rebel against what others expect them to do and do exactly what they want at that time, or unconsciously rebel in the same way desiring complete "freedom". My bestie is aquarius sun and I'm aquarius MC, we answer each other's texts days or weeks later and are okay with it 💀 oh, the answer is also too irrelevant it makes you want to throw your phone at a wall yay 😻

🦋 Fire moon + fire/air mars and anger issues 🤝

🦋 Virgo moons, you had a critical mom or parental figure, you internalized her voice, you criticize without knowing. Your words can make someone self conscious even if you think it's innocent judgment 🥺 Your words can also make some's day because you are trusted! (applies to gemini moons and mercury too). Don’t take it for granted. Until you know how to use your judgment for good, with balance and kindness you become the warmest most looked up to friend.

🦋 Capricorn moons are such complex individuals, their trauma is unique to them, they can endure and have endured a LOT. They are extremely caring or deadly careless no in between. Keeping it professional is what they're good at. Each one I met is so much different than the other, they have similar but different stories, but they all have this grounded energy that can make them even seem heavy energetically. Once evolved, they can be the wisest people to talk to.

🦋 Aquarius MC individuals might have been too emotionally attached to their family at a young age, especially their mom (with leo 4th). They had so much passion and love for their mom and realized it wasn't equally reciprocated, they were manipulated (hits home). They also might have been jealous and needed the love and attention all on them, but they dgaf anymore. 😎 At a certain age, their family broke their trust and they became completely detached. They learned to be emotionally secure and set strong boundaries with people which shocked everyone. They stopped giving energy to their family or anyone else. They ran out of f*cks to give so soon.

🦋 Aquarius MC/IC they were and always will be seen as weird and different from their family and everyone else (hell I'm seen as controversial and questionable even when I sit still and do nothing). love that.

🦋 Also if you have Aquarius MC, IC or Ascendant check when saturn transits 4th or 10th or aspects the nodes/mc. This indicates the end of karmic cycles with your family related to your self concept and self expression. You will have a chance to break cycles and be more individualistic. It may be painful but hold on. 🥺

🦋 Gemini and Virgo ascendants can be introverted or extroverted, mostly introverted, unless they have planets in the 1st, much air or fire energy. They always have a way with words tho no matter what, and they always are nervous, their minds never shut down, they keep thinking and rethinking lol. These individuals break social norms, research and discuss topics much more profoundly than what has been done before. They have topics to talk about that were forgotten or not discussed enough.

🦋 Sagittarius moons and placements, feeling the need to laugh at the wrong, very wrong time. LOUD laughs . Laughs that make others stare with a look of concern. Making jokes when it's time to get serious. Repeating jokes as it gets more serious. Making more jokes when someone tells them to stop. Laughs at people not laughing at their jokes. Laughs at their own joke before they say it. plz I admire. 

🦋 Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius, Capricorn, Aries, Leo, Scorpio mercuries intrigue me the most, they got something impressive about them, the way they talk and their words are powerful, can equally be destructive and toxic. People can take them the wrong way. What they have to say should be heard period. Watch your speech if you have these signs, you don’t want to hurt people or yourself.

🦋 Now I don’t like to talk about how Scorpio and Aries mars are seen as "sexy" because it's been said trillions of times (even tho I like to read them because I'm a scorpio mars 💀). But hear me out, the most prominent thing about all scorpio mars individuals is that they like to move in complete silence, like they don't exist, like you will never catch them. Every decision they take in life is private, because that's the only way they can shock you with their big success and revenge on all people that didn't believe in them. They want to keep you guessing and never give you answers but will show actions and accomplishments only. Their biggest dream is to come out on top once everyone has forgotten about them (or not), but to see your jaw droppin is their wet dream loool.  

🦋 Mercury conjunct Uranus? and all aspects for that matter, but especially the conjunction. You cannot convince me that these individuals are not geniuses, no matter how dumb they act. Take care of your mind, it's something special gorg. Also your voice must be so unique, it stays on someone's mind and is so vivid when they think of you. 

🦋 Mercury conjunct Jupiter, the philosopher. You just like to talk about abstract and broad topics. Spiritualist at heart, rational to deny it often tho. You have sooo many interests it's insane. You are the jack of all trades. People expect you to know things? You come off as a know it all, even if you don't mean it (yea I have it I relate). You have lessons to learn and teach those around you especially about their concept of life and beliefs. Any compliment you give can mean a lot to people. Your positivity is infectious. 

🦋 Mercury aspecting Jupiter, especially conjunctions can give a lot of optimism, this applies to neptune positively aspecting chiron as well. I see it in charts of people that have heavy saturn, pluto or chiron energy, to balance the darkness, their ability to think positively is healing to them and others because likely other things are destroying them in life and they already have many wounds. Your optimism is not an illusion, it's a gift from the universe. Life gets better as you spiritually evolve. 

🦋 Moon opposite/square mercury, such a hard aspect. A constant mental and emotional conflict. You don't know whether to trust your thoughts or emotions. You don't know when you're trusting either. There is a direct and strong influence of thoughts on emotions. Now that means your thought can hurt you or elevate you so be careful. Especially at a young age your thoughts and others' thoughts have hurt you deeply, as you grow you learn how to balance it out, to not give a f*ck. The good thing about this aspect is that these people pick up on their thought patterns easily and have potential to manipulate their minds to their benefit. Mental health is important to these individuals. Don't let your mind run wild especially in a negative direction. It's also important to surround yourselves with positive people. Music might be important for you to process emotions. 

🦋 Conjunctions are far from being "neutral" aspects imo. They are powerful natural talents and gifts in perspective, confidence, expression and skills. These aspects are always positive, even to challenging planets, if they act negatively then there are likely other challenging aspects to the same planets, the native might have not learned yet how to work with this energy or hasn’t realized their potential. Conjunctions are the highest and strongest potential any two planets can reach. The planets don't become "one", they rather meet eye to eye, acknowledge their qualities fully and work out their differences beautifully which manifests in the form of talents and potential. Yes like all aspects they got their negatives too but their positives enormously surpass the negatives. Conjunctions are highly positive aspects, it's unfair to call them neutral.

#moon aspects #jupiter aspects #scorpio #capricorn #sagittarius #gemini #virgo moon #astrology signs #aquarius mercury #aspects #mercury conjunct jupiter #mercury conjunct uranus #aquarius mc #moon opposite mercury #mars scorpio #gemini ascendant #virgo ascendant #capricorn mercury #conjunctions #astro observations #astrology #astrology aspects

[foxconfessorandthewolf]

Okay, so I’m a bit wine drunk but I don’t think I’ve ever really articulated why I love Snarry together and I’m currently trying to finish a fic after taking a three-year-hiatus from writing these two, so this is probably a good exercise!

I’m a bit on the older side of fandom, having been a fanartist and fervent reader since 2003, so my connection was really sparked during that time between OOTP and HBP when Snape and Harry were at some of their most clashing and deeply vitriolic, forced together into hateful vulnerability by Occulmency lessons. Every scene between them was electric, laced with tension as we truly did not know how things would go, or even where Snape’s true loyalties lay. He was an unknown, tied up with Harry’s own family’s mysterious past, connected to Harry in a myriad of odd ways that few other characters were, and - as a rivals-to-lovers lover - I was fascinated by him. From that first moment when they lock eyes in the Great Hall and that frisson of pain shoots through Harry’s scar, I desperately wanted to know who the hell this man was and his story. I think a lot of Snarry shippers come to the ship with a special appreciation for Severus Snape’s character himself. He’s such an incredibly drawn character, rich with complexity, complicated and pretty fucked up, with clearly-held passions, hatreds, weaknesses, and motivations. He’s emotional in a way a lot of other characters aren’t, though I think he’d loathe to hear that. And his character voice! It’s unique and pitch-perfect. You always know exactly who is speaking with his lines. Honestly, the way he evolved from a spy/traitor stock character to become so multifaceted and enigmatic is a masterpiece of characterization, and it’s an aspect of why I’m drawn to him - there’s still so much about his origins and well, what his damage was, that we don’t know. Because of this, I especially love Snarry fics that delve into character studies of him, trying to explore all the shadows left behind. I also admit I have a preference for interpreting Snape as morally grey. I like him petty, sharp-tongued, ambitious, with an incredibly liquid definition of what is right and wrong. He’s self-interested, dripping with disdain, and really doesn’t see that as a problem. What happens to him when he deeply falls in love?

I love a ship that makes me work for it. There’s no obvious line of how Snape and Harry might wind up together, so each fic is a wealth of possibilities of bringing these two together despite their roadblocks. As I mentioned, I’m big fan of animosity in a ship. Give me rivals, give me enemies, give me the sparking passions, the sharp fury, the way they stoke each others’ emotions and seek to hurt, the racing hearts, the raised hackles, the intense emotional reaction to another person. Just throw it at me. I devour that shit. I love the messy and taboo nature of their relationship, the complications raising from their age difference, temperaments, and largely similar and shared traumas. There’s an interesting element of Snape being a foil to James Potter, and how that relates to Harry and their past. Basically, this shit is really good potting soil for incredible fucking fics, packed with nutrients.

The shared natures of their traumas, like Voldemort and each being forgotten and abused as children and how they might be able to understand each other and bond from it is also something that’s fascinating to explore. I love when a writer pushes on Snape’s bruises, looking to make them hurt, cracking his sardonic brain open and rooting around in there, and I love when they compare and contrast to Harry’s. There’s a seductiveness to how Snape is so obsessed with Harry, fixated on his Boy Who Lived heroic reputation, clearly dripping with envy. What, beyond jealousy, might draw Snape to Harry and what, other than hatred, might draw Harry to Snape?

It’s all this, the passionate, electric, dangerous nature of their relationship; the way their characters contrast each other yet have surprising connections; and the question of finding solace that keeps me here, 21 years later. I’ve had wines less complex than this ship. They’re fascinating. They’re messy. They’re everything.

[crossposted from a reddit comment I just left, and wanted to share with y’all]

#snarry #i need them to hatefuck it out #i need snape to be cracked open and see all the tender parts fall out

[comradekatara]

Any fun Aang facts/ headcanons/ thoughts?

i don’t know if this is exactly fun but i think a lot about aang coping the first couple years after the end of the war. like i think on a spectrum of “the war is over and im so happy!!” to “suddenly thrust into a leadership position that is uniquely isolating and horrible,” aang perhaps isn’t struggling as much as the new firelord, but it’s a close thing.

i think katara would be the one who is happiest out of all of the gaang, since the war being over relieves this huge weight off her shoulders and she also gets to do the fulfilling work of rebuilding her tribe and finally being able to live up the potential she’s always imagined for herself, being able to preserve and pass on her heritage to a hopeful new generation. (that isn’t to say that she isn’t traveling the world with aang, trying to mitigate the damage caused by the war, but she would go back home as soon as possible. she needs to see gran gran!!!) there’s a sense of pride and satisfaction and joy to her role in this world that cannot be denied. 

suki is in a similar position, where as the leader of the kyoshi warriors, her reunion with her sisters and their return to kyoshi island would be triumphant and joyous, and she gets to participate in the process of teaching a new generation of warriors, passing on her traditions and using her skillset to help people elsewhere. but then there’s also the lingering, nagging memory of being alone in a maximum security prison, and that trauma isn’t something one just gets over… 

i see toph, more than anyone, spending the most time with zuko in the fire nation. she understands what it’s like to be alone, and she’d rather be with her family than her biological parents. i think she does visit them, but it doesn’t go well. toph may be incredibly sharp and mature for her age, but she is still just a kid, and the fact that her father will continue to reject her his entire life is a great wound, as much as she could flippantly deny it. but zuko understands what that’s like more than anyone, so being able to help him helps her through her own pain. even if zuko is a dick about it (although i think she stubbornly forces him to acknowledge her pain at some point instead of just outright dismissing her like he did on ember island), it’s a symbiotic relationship in its own way. i mean, he could definitely use a human lie detector. 

sokka is like all over the place. i don’t know man he’s too complicated to sum up in one little paragraph. but yeah let’s just say the war ending doesn’t automatically Heal him and Solve his copious Issues. because it does solve some things but it also causes other problems. new problems even. but i already sort of talk about that here so let’s just move that for now. 

and then of course zuko being crowned boy king of racist nation is like… not great. it works for thematic/symbolic/narrative reasons, of course, but realistically. it's a struggle! so, like i said, i think toph would stick by his side, and i think aang spends a lot of time in fire nation as well, and sokka as much as possible (NOT because he loves zuko, but because he thinks zuko is very stupid and he’s the world’s biggest control freak so if he doesn’t micromanage everything he’ll feel like it’s his fault if anything goes wrong). but iroh is…. not there. his best friend katara (i said what i said) is in the south pole or traveling the world or anywhere but Here. azula is. broken?? the world?? is broken?? and he (famously a fuck-up) is supposed to fix it???? poor kid. 

anyway. this is all preamble to contextualize what can only be described as The Worst Puberty Anyone’s Ever Had. okay here’s a bonus fun headcanon: aang is born in october! i say this because he’s the most libra to ever do it (i don’t know shit about astrology but i do know that). so for the entire run of the show (from winter to summer) he is twelve years old. i don’t know if you’ve been around any twelve year old boys recently (not to brag, but i have), but they are Going Through It. and that’s the average twelve year old, not even including the shocking temporal displacement and being the sole survivor of a genocide and shouldering the burden of the whole fucking world and knowing that an entire country full of people want you dead. 

the fact that aang maintains his childlike wonder and sweetness for the most part means that it’s going to hit him like a truck once the war ends and he finally has a chance to focus on himself. we see the early stages of puberty affecting him in terms of how he behaves around katara, the change between his book one kiddie crush and his book three confusion and intensity. but it’s more than just burgeoning sexuality. he wakes up, is informed that he’s been stuck in an iceberg for a century, that everyone he ever knew with the exception of appa and bumi are dead due to a genocide, and that it’s his responsibility to end the war. and the rest of the show is him trying to step into that duty and finally becoming the kind of person the world needs him to be. and now… it’s over.  

on one hand, there’s that overwhelming sense of relief. he did it. he successfully prevented yet another genocide, stopped the war, and did it all without compromising his values. his new friends (his new family) are all alive and safe and now can rebuild the world together. they can rest and have fun and be kids. and that’s what aang is celebrating in the finale when he looks at all of them and smiles, when he hugs katara in acknowledgement of how far they’ve come. aang is incredibly strong and resilient, and it’s a strength that comes from a place of genuine love and understanding. he was taught good values as a kid, values that have guided him through the most unimaginable of tragedies. but he’s not perfect. no one is. 

no one can prevent the oncoming swirl of hormones and trauma and second-guessing that is about to hit aang once it finally occurs to him that the purpose he has been fighting for ever since his entire life changed is now over, basically, and he has to figure out what it means to be alive outside of one sole, defining goal. as anne carson said in red doc>, “to live past the end of your myth is a perilous thing.” as jp sartre said in la nausée, “i outlive myself” (specifically, anny says it to roquentin). what is aang doing if not ouliving himself? had he lived a normal lifespan that hadn’t been disrupted by a spiritually imposed stasis, he probably would’ve been dead by now (long dead, if we can assume that his death in lok is by natural causes). and his myth, his grand destiny of stopping the war and once more carving out a space for his people in this brave new world? well, he did it. accomplished it with flying colors. now it’s over. now he is a perilous thing. 

as i alluded to before, i think the only person who can really truly empathize with aang’s situation is sokka. sokka, too, has survived beyond any point he imagined. he has built his entire identity around being a shield, and now that the war is over, his ability to protect others from immediate threats and sacrifice himself for a cause has been ripped away from him. he now has to forge an identity beyond reducing himself to a soldier, in a fundamentally unfamiliar world. sokka was shaped by war, and yet he lived past it, past the end of his myth. aang’s world is now also unfamiliar, not solely because the war is over, but because the war is over and yet he is still alone. he did it, he saved the day, and yet what is his reward? he saved a lot of people, but none of his people. he can never go home again. 

aang and sokka’s role as foils is something i want to write about more because i do find it truly fascinating, but in these terms i think we can also read their psychological states postwar as a sort of reciprocal dynamic. i’ve spoken in the past about how in a postwar reconstruction landscape, sokka would do a lot of the administrative work that aang cannot. not only because aang is literally twelve, but because aang cannot focus all his attention on this world when he is also its only real tether to the past. so sokka would make room for aang to focus on being the last airbender by sort of taking on the mantle of pseudo-avatar. solely in the most bureaucratic sense of the title, of course, but that would be the role that sustains and (somewhat) fulfills him after the war. and i think aang would be grateful for that, but he’d also be somewhat resentful?? not of sokka (aang is too emotionally mature for that, plus he respects sokka too much), but he’d definitely resent himself. think about how guilty and shameful he feels whenever he feels like he’s let the world down due to factors beyond his control. and so the fact that sokka is doing so much of what aang himself should be doing because he’s too busy being defined by his status as a genocide survivor… well, it might make him angry. he might lash out. and we’ve seen him frustrated, volatile, and emotionally confused. it’s not pretty. 

i know that we all only want the best for aang and want him to be happy and thriving after the war because he’s such a perfect kid who deserves the world, but realistically, i do think there would be a period where he’s kind of hard to be around. not only because that’s just something that happens to all adorable baby boys once they turn thirteen (i, for one, learned this lesson extremely painfully), but because he’s dealing with a lot and the only person who even remotely understands what he’s going through is also the most emotionally repressed guy he knows. 

throughout atla, he never allows himself a moment to just stop and feel, because the depth of his grief is actually scary and incredibly difficult to confront. but i think if he did ever allow himself to feel, he might never stop. he might, in fact, spend a month or so curled up in blankets in bed eating nothing but bean curd puffs and shutting out everyone but momo. i actually think that’s more realistic than him immediately entering a perfect relationship with katara and being highschool sweethearts and popping out three kids. and frankly, i think going through that kind of depression now that he no longer has any pressing responsibilities also happens to be something he’s earned. he’s been pushing down his grief, ignoring it, distracting himself from it, this whole time. it’s time he finally lets himself feel. 

on a happier note, i like thinking about aang and suki getting closer after the war (or even being close offscreen during the show, like on ember island). i like to think that suki can act as a sort of cool big sister figure to aang, who has suffered just enough that she can empathize with his pain, but isn’t too close to the situation (like fellow genocide survivors katara and sokka, or genocide perperators’ direct descendants, like zuko) that she can still discuss it with him without bringing her own baggage into the fore. she’s very good at giving direct, no-bullshit advice in a nonetheless kind and compassionate way, and she’s also very good at joking around and knowing how to let loose and have fun in a way aang appreciates. she also really admires and highly values the role of the avatar in the world, and she also admires and cherishes aang as a person, so i think she could give him that kind of measured encouragement that aang really needs to hear. 

obviously katara has done this for aang a lot in the past, and i’m not saying she wouldn’t also continue to be a shoulder for aang to lean on, because no matter how much he may try to push her away, she will always be there for him, but i think suki also sort of provides a necessary detachment where he isn’t bogged down by any romantic feelings for her and she isn’t bogged down by her own all too similar trauma the way katara is. suki has people to help her work through her own trauma (sokka, her sisters, etc.) so aang doesn’t need to reciprocate. she’s just happy to be there for her surrogate baby bro who needs her. she’ll serve the avatar in any way she can, whether by becoming a kyoshi warrior, by sacrificing herself to free his bison, or by just chilling with him in bed while he rants about his impossible situation and cries on her shoulder.

#TO LIVE PAST THE END OF YOUR MYTH IS A PERILOUS THING!!!!!! #EVERYONE CLAP AND CHEER FOR TO LIVE PAST THE END OF YOUR MYTH IS PERILOUS THING!!!!! #grow and decay #asks #postwargaang #aang #katara #suki #sokka #zuko #toph #aang&sokka #aang&suki #aang&katara #toph&zuko #FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS YAYYY #it's been my goal this past week to answer as many unfinished asks as i possibly can #i have so many drafts i just never bothered polishing up #like this one! #considered putting it under a cut but then i was like. nah #lmk if i should tho #in case youre like. on the fence abt reblogging it but would if it was somehow shorter #bc then i will #i like this one :) #spreading that aang depression aang & suki bffs agenda

[bonefall]

So why's BB!Skystar like That? I'm not looking for a justification or excuse mind you, and I understand he completely refuses to better himself, but not even someone like him is born evil.

I'll get to his origin and tell you exactly how he grew up, but lemmie be clear about something. I don't think people respond to what they experience in a proportionate, 1:1, "hard times go in, bad guy comes out" sort of way.

People aren't bread and yeast. We don't follow a recipe for "becoming a bad person." You don't add trauma and then from there they choose to be a bad person because of their pain or not. No one is born evil, and the other side of that coin is that EVERYONE has the capacity for it.

Extremely privileged, charmed, blessed people with wonderful home lives can also become awful people. Violent, demanding, murderous ones. The "why" is "choice."

That answer's not satisfying because we want it to be deep and interesting. Like it makes it "mean" something, or adds some kind of "logic" to it. But you won't get it.

EVIL is simple. It feels good to get what you want. It feels good to hurt the people who keep it from you. POWER is even simpler. It is the act of making others do what you want. It's as simple as childish entitlement, indifference, or spite. Gratification that outweighs guilt.

If you're looking for some grand tragedy, you won't find it here. Nothing he went through was particularly unique and there was no grand ideology at play. His dad vanished when he was young and so did Gray Wing's. The Tribe dealt with a famine and several people died, including members of Bright Storm's family.

The only thing special about his birth and upbringing, in particular, was that he was quite privileged from the start.

Clear Sky and Gray Wing in the Tribe

From their very birth, both kits were welcomed and celebrated. They were destined for greatness from the start. Their mother was Quiet Wing, a direct descendant of the Stoneteller, Half Moon, and the father was a respected leader and political figure, Tempest Sky.

(This was before the Tribe would eventually become three camps, "Wards," united by a river. Tempest might have been considered an early leader of such a Ward.)

The older kit, a perfect image of xeir mother, was said to be the inheritor of her legacy as a relative of their founder and holy speaker. Xey were named Gray Wing. The younger, who would surely become the natural leader his father was, got the name Clear Sky. In their language, Koof Yaawrl-- Not just a sky without clouds. A perfect, flawless sky.

The two of them grew up with great opportunities. Connections are everything to their culture, and they had their pick of any amount of interests they wanted a paw in. The hunters would happily bring them along if asked. The crafters had extra patience set aside just for them. A good deployment of a mew and baby eyes could get them some extra scraps at dinner. Everyone wanted to make their little mark on such special, talented kits.

Clear Sky was a little general type. He wanted to be a leader right away. He loved hunts, he loved being in charge of other kids, he loved the way people listened to him. He wasn't familiar with the word No and was almost always the top banana of a group of other children. Even if they were older.

(Gray Wing in contrast was more of the game-creator, the "old soul," the kid who got along better with adults than other kids. Less of a leader and more of the guru, good at networking and settling disputes between people.)

While they were still kids, Tempest Sky vanished.

He was missing for days, and was assumed dead. There's plenty of ways to vanish in the mountains, but no remains were found. The Stoneteller tried to contact his spirit over and over to confirm his death, and he never came. So it was most likely that he just... left. Or maybe was taken.

Either way, they didn't really get closure for it. It was an awful thing to happen to a little kid, and Clear Sky took it really hard. A while after that, their stepdad entered the equation. Stone Peak wasn't big or strong or special, he just made their mom happy.

Gray Wing LOVED this man. After some friction, him and Stone Peak became excellent friends. They had a deep sense of respect and camaraderie. Clear Sky hated this. It was like Tempest Sky was being replaced before his eyes.

It was years before Stone Peak and Quiet Rain had a litter, well into Clear Sky and Gray Wing's adulthoods. It burned Clear Sky a new one to think that she was moving on from his father, who could still be alive. Maybe it's part of why he was so willing to throw his half-brother out into the snow, that fateful winter.

When Jagged Peak and Fluttering Wing were about half a year old, there was a terrible drought. It wasn't "overpopulation." It was a bad season. NOTHING could have stopped it. Lots of cats died.

Fluttering Wing was one of them-- along with some of Bright Storm's immediate family, Fox Claw and Petal Claw's mother during a hunting accident, and many more.

At the height of this drought, the southern river's level was so low that it became a scorched, crackled path with only a wet scratch of mud running along the middle. This dry riverbed beckoned to be followed downwards, until the water could be found again. THIS is the "Sun Trail;" a path carved by the sun.

It was Gray Wing the Wise who interpreted this as an omen. Xey believed it was their ancestors showing them the way to safety. The rest is history.

But the bottom line is...

Skystar's upbringing wasn't a supreme tragedy. He faced adversity just like everyone else, but he'd NEVER bring up the privilege that he had when he was young as something unfair to be examined. Tempest being a respected leader whose connections gave Clear Sky lots of opportunities is only spoken about in terms of Clear Sky being a "born leader" or "coming from greatness."

All of his charisma, his achievements, his command over other cats, that's all something he's "worked for." All of the adversities are examples of how strong HE is, in contrast to other cats, even if they went through the same exact struggles.

Why is he the way he is? Why is he so controlling? Why is he violent? Because he will take what he wants, and no one can stop him. He likes power more than he cares about the consequences of treating people poorly, so he cries "unfair!" if you take his toys away.

Stand by him and the rewards are sweet and delicious. Deny him what he wants, and he will crush you. He chooses how he treats you based on how much he likes you, and at the rotten heart of his behavior, is the simple choice to be this way.

#better bones au #BB!DOTC

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’m looking for a second career after working corporate. I’d like something away from a computer, workin with people, in demand, and more flexible. I do have some autistic traits though (one therapist floated it but never officially diagnosed). Do you think nursing would be a bad choice?

Here's a useless answer: it depends! I'll also give my usual caveat that nursing is a very broad field and a school nurse versus a dialysis nurse versus an ICU nurse versus a home health nurse vs a community health nurse are all going to have different experiences. You'll probably spend more time at a computer than you might like (documenting......), but if you get efficient at it, you can blast through it alright. Except when you can't.

And you will work with people! In any part of nursing, you'll be working with people, often in intimate and vulnerable ways. You meet a lot of cool people and get to be there for a lot of cool moments, cool and funny and profound moments. Working with people when they aren't at their best can be exhausting. Working with people when they aren't at their best and also you're understaffed and also someone is complaining of new onset chest pain at the same time someone else is calling to be cleaned up because they've been incontinent--it's really easy to exhaust yourself out of compassion. You have to care and actively engage with people's often tragic situations, but you also have to protect yourself from secondhand trauma. It's okay if this is not something you're comfortable or good with, but if so, you should probably think critically about whether nursing is for you.

And flexible--maybe??? Again, different jobs will have different perks. A lot of nurses work prn which means they have to pick up a certain number of shifts a month, but they aren't on the schedule normally. You just pick up as you want. Very flexible! But also a lot of these nurses are getting their healthcare elsewhere, usually a partner. Like any shift work, you can always swap shifts with a coworker if you can find one who'll do it. When I worked in home health, it was very hard to adjust my schedule because there wasn't necessarily another nurse that could fill in. And often units in the hospital will have various schedule stipulations--work every other weekend, work a certain amount of holidays, work night shift until you get the seniority to go to days or become a nocturnal little freak (me). I currently work in float pool, which makes it way easier to call out and adjust schedules because I'm not assigned anywhere specific until like ten minutes before the shift starts.

And with regards to the last bit, the autistic traits, I don't know exactly which ones you mean, but none of them are an inherent obstacle to being a nurse. We need neurodiversity in nursing. Some patients might find you cold or awkward or weird or whatever way you worry you might come across. Other patients will resonate with those exact same traits. No one's the perfect nurse for all people. Some people want to that extra care, some people want competent work and then to have space for themselves, some patients want to learn everything about their situation, some patients don't even want to know what pills they're taking. Think of yourself as a specialty nurse. An oncology nurse can take care of a variety of patients, but they're most well suited and situated to take care of cancer patients. There's a patient type that is a perfect fit for you. And the same way cardiac nurses deal with strokes, and orthopedic nurses deal with respiratory infections, you work competently outside your specialty because you have a good base for your practice, but you also know that you have specialties that you are uniquely equipped to handle. Specialties like cheerleading through physical therapy, calming down dementia patients, knowing the shit out of telemetry, making sure patients get a bed bath and clean sheets, using a machine to pump a patient's blood outside your body--whatever you most like, you're most good at, what gives you energy to work. I think mine are working well with "difficult" patients, managing pain, and stealing cranberry juice from the patient fridge. for me.

I'll say too if you're worried like a lack of empathy or easy understanding of other people will be an impediment to care--I'm not saying I'm autistic, but I don't think I'm particularly empathetic. I NEVER know what people are thinking or feeling. I struggle to tell when patients are like "talk to me more!" versus "I am being polite to you, but please leave." I have never once been comforting a crying person and thought, "I am NAILING this. I am making them feel better." But I don't think I'm a bad nurse. I reverse engineer empathy by finding a situation that I was in that's similar to the situation a patient is in, and I think about what I would have wanted and appreciated in that situation. I think about what evidence says is a good thing to do in this situation. I think about what experience tells me has worked in this situation in the pas. I also just ask patients what they're feeling and what they want and why they do what they do instead of assuming I know. (That last one is so choice, we should all do it more.)

The job puts you in a lot of Situations that are hard for anyone to manage. So you can study up for a lot of Situations. I read conflict resolution books and writing by sick people, I think about how adherent I am to my own treatment plan when I get judgy, I ask patients a lot of questions in part so I can understand them but also so I can understand the next patient like them, I practice difficult conversations I can predict before I go into rooms, and I make sure I have certain phrases and reactions in my back pocket in case I'm caught by surprise. I've figured out my safe topics of conversations that I can chat about with patients that are personable but not intimate (cats, how long you've been in the area, how hard it is to sleep in the hospital at night). I periodically try out new conversation styles and topics to see how those work. I find people I admire and I try consciously to emulate them.

I make a shitload of rules too that help me structure my behavior so I can act like a person I'm proud of. If I can't get something for a patient, I have to go back and tell them that instead of just never returning to the room. Whenever I leave a room, before I go, I make sure the call light is within reach and I ask if there's anything I can do before I go. If someone is sad, ask if they want hot chocolate, and if they say yes, ask if they want it with hot water or milk. If I have a patient that is very chatty and always on the call light, allot conversation time with them like I'm scheduling wound care in case they're lonely. Whenever I tell a patient that they can't do something, I explain the clinical reasoning for that. If the only reason I can think of to tell a patient why they can't do something except "it's against hospital rules", I reconsider the refusal. I've got so many rules and guidelines I've developed for myself so I can best act in a way that I think a good nurse should act.

(usual disclaimer that this does not mean I always accomplish this or that I always behave in a way I'm proud of. but I do think developing these rules and following them makes behaving like I want to more habitual.)

All this to say--I care tremendously about my patients when they're my patients, but I don't take most of them home with me. I feel often feel very distant from the emotions of the situation. I used to feel like I was watching the world through glass. Now I still feel like that, but not in a bad way. I don't get mad when patients yell at me. I can view their problems as quests to solve. I'm engaged but I'm not flustered by distress.

look alllllllllllllllllll that to say is have you considered making nursing a special interest? works for me. oh and YEAH. The job security is AMAZING. It's such a weight off my mind to know that if I don't like my current job, it's so easy to get another somewhere else.

#nursing tag

[kissofthemis]

Hello!Can i request the nxx biys with a slightly weird s/o?

Like weird as in they're always happy and goofy 24/7 even in dangerous situations?Like maybe something happened to them in the past that made then this way(you can decide on what happened :D )

Oh,and can i be the K Anon?My keyboard lags a lot if i use emojis,so I hope you don't mind if I go by K Anon here :D

Sorry if this is a super long request it's just been brainrottingbin my head 24/7 and i don't have enough writting skills lmao

❤ Artem ❤

At first, he doesn't notice that you have a tendency to laugh off your pain or make morbid jokes. He thinks that he's just more uptight or strict than most people, so he suspects your behavior is actually more akin to how "normal" people act.

It's when you act blasé after a dangerous encounter that he realizes that this seems to be a unique trait, specific to you.

He specializes in criminal cases. He knows that people who feel threatened or have experienced dangerous situations can react in many different ways... but to be this carefree is not something he's seen before.

You don't lash out, but you don't withdraw. You don't scream or cry, but you aren't bottling your pain either. You're an anomaly.

"Mr. Wing, it's a dark world out there." He knows that. "If I'm too serious, I'll crumble." He's never heard you speak in such a flat, detached tone. "So I stay silly!"

He isn't going to pry into why you feel you have to laugh all the pain away, because he trusts you to tell him if/when you're ready.

He knows what it's like to mask his true feelings.

Instead he offers you his shoulder. "If you ever need to turn away from the shadows... I'll shield you if you need a moment to be vulnerable, before putting that smile back on your face."

~♡~♡~♡~♡~

💛 Luke 💛

Your smile and laugh make him warm inside. He likes that you can stay cheerful even when faced with stress or with gloomy situations.

He soon realizes that you're a bit too goofy, a bit too relaxed, a bit too much of a jokester. He's not mad about it, but he wants to figure out why you're this way.

At first he doesn't want to tell you he's investigating your behaviors. He's in detective mode and NSB agent mode at the same time; he won't ask for help nor reveal his intentions when he asks to spend more time with you.

He cares, but his pride can get in the way.

Finally he pieces together the puzzle, with clues and hints he obtained partially from you and partially from totally legitimate public sources, no hacking involved. (/s)

"You could've just asked me!" You laugh and wave him off. "It's no big deal!"

Luke gets stern with you. "You were subjected to immense psychological and physical abuse."

You just smile. "And you haven't been?" His scowl gets deeper. "Tell you what! Promise to look after me, so you don't have to worry about me getting trapped or endangered ever again! And then I'll be able to smile freely all the time!"

He reluctantly agrees.

Don't ask if the plush dog he gives you the next time you meet has a camera in it.

~♡~♡~♡~♡~

💜 Marius 💜

Your cheerful and carefree nature is what draws Marius to you in the first place.

He's constantly under stress. Whether it's school, tutoring, Z, or Pax, he always has some project pending and is subject to intense scrutiny.

You're a breath of fresh air from stuffy old men. You smile, you laugh, you play. He wants some of that l joy back in his life.

Unfortunately, trauma knows trauma. The more time he spends with you, the more he picks up on eccentricities that... don't quite line up with "innocence" the way he imagines it.

He understands the value of secrets and how they can protect others. He's had to keep secrets to protect his family, the company, reputations, wealth, you name it.

But he also wants to work on being more honest with himself, and that means being more honest with his closest friends. He doesn't have many friends, so he wants you to be able able confide in him the same way he can confide in you.

Of course, while he's a bold and bright businessman, he's a timid and inexperienced friend.

He'll try to tease and pout his way into your heart and mind. "Aww, are you laughing at me again, miss/mx/mister?" Tugging at your sleeves and your heartstrings. "Trying to trick me with a fake smile? Miss/mx/mister doesn't trust me..."

Turns out he has to be direct and blunt. You two end up having a heart to heart about your respective fears and struggles, the horrors you've faced, the sorrowful smiles and the humorous tears.

He comes up with an idea. "Here's a key to my studio. Want to turn pain and fear into something bright? Show me what you can paint."

~♡~♡~♡~♡~

💚 Vyn 💚

In case it wasn't readily apparent, Vyn picks up on your act instantly.

He's a psychiatrist. He doesn't know why you act this way, but he can figure out it's unnatural.

(Not to mention he enjoys card tricks. He's also good at perceiving sleight of hand and other "magic" that involves showing someone what you want them to see, instead of showing them the truth and mechanisms behind the magic.)

Instead of playing games or trying to snoop his way into your secrets, he just observes you.

He's skilled at sitting back and watching, waiting, picking up pieces and fitting them together.

You catch him by surprise, however, when you call him out on his behavior.

"Vyn, am I your patient or your friend?" You pout at him and fold your arms over your chest in a highly exaggerated manner, one that is almost comical in nature. You shift back into chuckles and spin around as you wait for his answer.

Your one moment of frustration could easily be brushed off as a joke, but Vyn hears there is actual hurt in your words.

"You are... quite the anomaly," he replies at last. "You wear both the masks of comedy and tragedy. I couldn't help but wonder which was your real face." He leans closer and whispers, "I want to see my friend's true face, beneath all the masks and pretenses. Is that so wrong, dear?"

#tears of themis #tears of themis x reader #headcanon #artem wing #luke pearce #marius von hagen #vyn richter #thanks for the ask! #I hope the list format is okay! I may alternate depending on what I think works better for a certain request #K anon #tot

[whimsicalpoet44]

Observations about 12th House Stelliums (From a 12th House Stellium that knows a lot of 12th House Stellliums)

I swear, us 12th house stelliums flock to one another. I think it's because of the unique perspective on life we have.

The 12th house rules the unseen, the subconscious, dreams, secrets, fears, our psyche, intuition, healing, and more. Many think it's the house of self-undoing and hidden enemies, which it can be. But I find there are also a lot of benefits to being a 12th houser.

**This is solely my observations and personal experiences from reading charts and interacting with others. If this doesn't fit you, that's totally okay!**

They make excellent artists/poets/writers/musicians/creatives.

CONSTANT struggle trying to figure out if your emotions are your own. They can get confused with the person who is immediately around you, the collectives, family or friends, or any other spiritual attachments you might have with others. You're like a energetic sponge, always absorbing energy. Energetic protections can help. Your mood can shift at the snap of a finger and it's always very very confusing. (This can cause identity crises in some)

You just know things. You have no explanation for it. You just know stuff before it happens, before your told, or even if someone is lying. It may freak others out at times.

You struggle to show others who you truly are. Wherever your 12th house placements are, you may safeguard that area of your life. (i.e. Venus=private love life, Mars=internalized anger that no one else can pick up on, Jupiter=your beliefs, etc). There may be fear of letting others into that part of your life because it's yours. Sharing it with others may make you feel like it'll be taken away from you. For example, if you're a writer, you may be fantastic at it and have tons of completed manuscripts. But you struggle to submit them to publishers or literary agents, because then the world you created is no longer "yours." The characters become everyones.

You learn to love being by yourself. In fact, alone time is necessary. You could feel like you're the only one who knows you, and you don't have to put on an act for anyone. Others can take offense to this, but it truly has nothing to do with anyone but yourself. You NEED it to recharge. Besides, being alone gives you time to research all of the random or eccentric hyper-fixations you have without comment or judgement from others.

You're comfortable with emotional pain. It may have been a struggle earlier in life, but there's beauty to pain. You may value each and every emotion and believe they all serve their purpose. You could even purposefully make yourself sad to tap into the poetic and artistic side of yourself (think enneagram number 4). Don't worry, you are also probably good at pulling yourself out of it once it has served its purpose.

You're probably really good at self analyzing and can self analyze others. You may even know how they feel before they know, which can cause some resentment if you vocalize this to them if they're in a place where they aren't ready to receive it. People don't like knowing that others can see straight through them.

Secret talents galore. You may be naturally good at things, but you don't share this often. You're the type of person to sit at a piano at a friend's house and play the most bafflingly beautiful piece and your friends are left flabbergasted.

12th house synastry is frowned upon, but I find that 12th house individuals get a long great with other 12th housers. I think it can become catastrophic if one of the people hasn't done any healing work. Otherwise, I find these relationships to be mutually beneficial and helpful.

You may have a life long struggle with mental illness (not always, but it's common). This can be due to the likely childhood trauma one endures with heavy 12th house placements, or it can be due to a tendency to overthink. Either way, intervention from a psychotherapist or trusted healer may be necessary in order to work through these issues. It could also be related to generational trauma.

Maladaptive daydreaming is common. It can be a useful coping skill, but if you find that you're disassociating all of the time, mental health intervention may be necessary.

12th house suns probably had an absent father figure due to death or detachment.

Like those in the 8th house, the occult and spirituality is a point of fascination for you. You may even lean heavily onto your beliefs to manage stress. Many go through periods of deconstruction of old belief systems to find the one that fits. This is because the 12th house rules the things unseen. You could even have psychic gifts that showed themselves in childhood. Out of fear you could've suppressed them, but come back to them in adulthood.

Natural astral travelers. You probably have prophetic dreams. You may not intend to astral travel, but you do. A lot of dream work may be beneficial for you.

Your life could be described by the term "duality." Like Persephone, you may find that you're the ruler of spring/flowers and hell all at once. You probably have more than one aesthetic and your mood/season of your life determines which one you choose for the moment.

Past life energies/lessons/gifts can carry over into this life.

You're full of fantastic ideas, but others can be slow to catch up. They often judge you for your ideas, but a year later, will be endorsing it when it gains popularity.

Oddly specific, but just about every 12th houser I know has had an experience with some sort of spiritual symbology. For example, my friend was often given a statue/picture/figurines of a particular saint to protect her, even though her family wasn't religious. My parents used to say I was their "angel baby" and I was often given angel figurines out of no where that would disappear and reappear from my room. (Same thing would happen to my friend with the saint statue). Others I know have a similar experience, whether it be saints, angels, doves, yin/yang symbols, crosses, gods or goddesses, a particular type of crystal or stone, flowers, trees, etc. And it usually aligned with whatever religion their family practiced, but was somehow still applicable if they deconstructed (not all did, but for those that took that path) from that religion. (i.e. archangels or saints are still prevalent in other religious practices and beliefs)

You have a way with words and know just what to say. You're also a great listener. You could have hyper-fixated on words, because a lot of the times, 12th housers struggle to express themselves verbally. It is possible you read the dictionary as a child to attempt to find the words to convey how you were feeling to an authority figure. Almost every 12th houser I know went through a phase like this. And we all laughed when we figured it out because we attempted to hide it (of course).

12th housers also are really particular about aesthetics because they may be prone to sensory overload. Soft lighting is everything.

They can lack boundaries. Please, for the love of all that is sacred, remember that you don't have to heal everyone. That is not your job. Not everyone is your responsibility.

I'll probably do the signs/planets in the 12th in a future post!

#astrology observations #astro observations #12th house stellium #12th house synastry #12th house #astrology #pisces #dreaming

[sleepynegress]

Your post about Loustat paralleling Ruby and Christina makes so much sense. I haven’t rewatched lovecraft in a while though what specifically would you say makes them relate?

Whew! Where to start. I feel I probably need to play catch up for Ruby/Christina's dynamic on Lovecraft Country because that's probably the one fewer people who follow me are familiar with so... This is Ruby and Christina:

Ruby is a rock/blues singer in the 1950's Chicago, and like our man Louis, she has done most of the work holding up her family. Also, like Louis, a lot of the challenges she faces are deeply racist, and because of her gender full of misogynoir as well, more than today because of the past setting of the story... Her shade and body type also come into play when compared to what her sister, who is lighter-skinned and thin could get away with in life. Christina is the daughter of the leader of a centuries-old white male-dominated magical cult, in which she is clearly the most talented in wielding magic but she has no say-so and cannot inherit the same privileges because of sexism, something that is *always* intersected with racism which that cult has deeply ingrained traditions in. Despite it all, these two fall in love. The biggest similarities I see in Christina and Lestat are...

both... are not just white but white-white blonde hair blue-eyes.

have a measure of self-loathing because of some trauma devolved from whiteness (Lestat stalked and tortured and piled into a bunch corpsed reflections of himself) and (Christina always considered a "protected" possession beneath white men and not an equal because of her gender)

are powerful supernatural beings, a wizard (I just feel that's the more likely adjective over witch for her) and a vampire

are narcissists

woo and manipulate, seduce, their partners into being with them, by lending their own privilege to give them protection or higher status, via whiteness

both are desperate to connect with their Black partner in ways that are impossible because of innate privilege deferential w/in the times they live and their own psychological shortcomings - Lestat opening the relationship and Christina going through the pain of a "lynching" to try to understand Ruby's day-to-day fear

are ultimately toxic to their partner and all other healthier relationships they have - Ruby's family especially Leti and Louis' family, most importantly Claudia

genuinely love their partner but just don't have the capacity or ability due to past traumas, narcissism, and that huge gulf in empathy for their very different lives.

The biggest similarities between Louis and Ruby are.. that they are broken by racism and the responsibilities of existing and maintaining for others while they are invisible in their plight. Both are uniquely beautifully human, vulnerable beyond what any other people in their lives "see" and that makes them both entrancing and vulnerable to the Lestat and Christina.

These are both queer interracial dynamics that take a really empathic and honest eye to render well, especially in this day and age. Both of these cultural spaces are riddled with discomfort, judgment, and fear, which mostly lead to dishonest depictions; and self-censoring, but they have subverted that for the most part.

Both I would say have been exceptionally well done and if really looked at critically beyond the chemistry and romance, I do think some interesting wider sociological conclusions/implications could be gathered from them. I think that's in part because of the freedom of the genre space. When it's supernatural or fantastical in some way, often the heavier issues are rendered more honestly. I'd absolutely love to read a dissertation really breaking it down.

#I hope that answers your question #ruby x christina #louis x lestat #meta #racism #sexism #misogynoir #fandoms intersecting #lovecraft country #interview with the vampire #iwtv #ask #thanks for the ask nonny! #loustat #rhistina #lgbtqa+ #lgbtq #queer #bisexual #pansexual #gay #interracial

[gffa]

These two pages from Dark Victory have stayed with me ever since I first read it because they're visually hella interesting, I enjoy Tim Sale's art for how stylish it is, but also because every time I see it, I hear the click of a spotlight being turned on, almost like this is a play being acted out. It highlights the connection between the characters, but that it also is shutting everything else out. That makes sense in the moment, Dick just watched his parents die, there's nothing else in the world for him. Bruce is reliving his own trauma of having watched his parents die, as well as watching another child go through the same thing--but, in a way I can't shake, it almost feels like Bruce is intruding on this moment, too. That Dick's loss gets interpreted as a mirror of Bruce's loss--Dark Victory goes to great lengths to hammer home that parallel, it is not at all subtle about it:

But what strikes me about the moment of the Graysons' deaths is that it feels almost like a play being acted out, that Bruce becomes part of it because they mirror each other so strongly, that for all they grow as individuals and come to love each other as uniquely different people, they will always be rooted in this mirroring of each other. Bruce isn't just a bystander to Dick's loss and grief, it fundamentally connects them and defines them--that in many ways Dick understands Bruce the best because, as Dick says about himself, when he was Robin, he was smaller than everyone else, so he had to learn to read people better, to know what they were going to do, because Dick was with Bruce the longest, because Dick and Bruce often are the most similar. But it's also that Dick understands Bruce best because Bruce allowed him in because of this mirror, that sometimes it feels like Bruce only understands people through the lens of his own grief, that's why Dick's the closest to him, because Dick shares that same loss. This isn't to undercut that Dick was a bright, lively child who brought laughter and joy because that is also absolutely true and I will fight tooth and nail anyone who says otherwise. Bruce loves that kid because Dick refused to not be loved, because he's not the same as Bruce, he's brighter, he's better, he's more in so many ways. Bruce and Dick's relationship isn't just one thing or another, there are times when it borders on almost being kind of healthy and then there are times when it's toxic as hell, yet it's always underscored by how much they genuinely love each other, how Bruce keeps thoughts of Dick in his mind to turn to for solace just like he turns to thoughts of his own father, how Dick demands to be worth just as much to Bruce's parents even when they've traveled into the future to be directly in front of him, and Dick gets that worth from Bruce. But sometimes I think about that panel, I hear a spotlight clicking on in my head, I think about Bruce unintentionally inserting himself into this moment of Dick's loss and how Bruce sometimes holds him closer to his heart because Dick's hurt mirrors his own so much. How sometimes Bruce sees the world through that lens of trauma and only how much people can understand it, that the rest of the world drops away and is nothing but black, empty space, except him and the person who understands his hurt.

That I can look at that panel and see it as its meant to be--a moment of pure connection, "I understand what you're going through, I can't take it away, but I can be here with you." and how that saved Dick Grayson's life, how it allowed him to heal and grow and thrive. I can see Bruce's heart breaking because he would have done anything to save this kid from that pain. And sometimes I can look at it and see Bruce watching a horrific play unfold before him and relating to it through his own issues, rather than true empathy. Ultimately, it's really more that they're kindred spirits, that's what the follow-up pages show, that Dick goes through the same process that Bruce went through, he does the same things Bruce did, all while Bruce isn't there to influence him into that at all. Dick is his own person, Bruce couldn't make him be a copy of Bruce if he'd wanted to, he couldn't even win an argument with a nine-year-old about putting on a costume and fighting crime with him and absolutely not staying out of the line of fire. Dick Grayson did what he was going to do, Bruce had nothing to do with making him into that person. But part of the reason they're such an interesting dynamic is because they're not just purely one thing or another, that for all that at the end of the day, Dick and Bruce are naturally like each other in a lot of core ways, it's also possible to read them as unhealthy co-dependent on each other, that them being everything to each other comes with some sharper edges, especially when Bruce sometimes resents Dick for growing beyond him and leaving him, even while desperately proud of him at the same time.

It's a thing Bruce struggles with a lot when it comes to Dick and I think of this tangled web of emotions every time I see that second splash page above. That Bruce came to love this kid as a son, but also as someone who understood what it was like to live with that kind of devastating loss, and how hard Bruce connected with that--and then how hard it was to let him go, when Bruce can't let go of his parents. That it's hard for Bruce to see Dick grow beyond being the son who understood him best, who mirrored his tragedy best, and he'll do it, he loves his kid enough to keep climbing back up out of that desire to hold onto him as his reflection even if he falls back into it sometimes, that some part of him will always see Dick as the one who had that connection that blocked the rest of the world out and understood him in a way no one else could.

#lumi.txt #dc #batfam #dick grayson #bruce wayne #batman: dark victory #long post

[zutarasbuff]

Bound by the Threads of Pain: Zutara & Their Energies

Have you ever wondered why Zuko and Katara are quick to bond with each other in the Crystal Catacombs? It’s because both of their energies amalgamate with each other within the Catacombs, as both have gone through the same type of childhood trauma i-e the early loss of their mothers that made them bitter and responsible.

If you find clearly, both have a controlling nature (I know it feels a bit harsh to say this, but that’s true), and that’s why their energies feel enormous whenever they come together. You must be thinking that I am talking so much gibberish about what is energy and what is not. However, I would like to give a scientific opinion to validate my beliefs too.

We know that us humans are made of both matter and energy. This explains why the background radiations are always there and shaping up our ideas or opinions about people and those energies are what we call “vibes”. We get to find a heartfelt moment between Zutara initially within the Crystal Catacombs. A little fun fact is that earth has a unique power of absorbing the energies that we leave as it tends to work like a healer. Plus, we know where the two are; the Crystal Catacombs.

Of course people use crystals all the time to shun away any bad types of energies because Crystals are considered the purest form of Earth. That’s exactly why we find Zutara most vulnerable over there to the extent that Katara agrees to use her mystical water to heal Zuko’s scar. It’s because as a healer, Katara can feel the waves of sadness (we also see this ability in full-fledged form when Toph can tell whether a person is lying or being truthful just by feeling their energies).

Not only this, but even Zuko tends to feel that there is so much in common between them and therefore we find for the first time someone else touching his scar other than himself and that’s Katara which is symbolic of “showing his deepest and darkest scars” to the one he trusts the most.

She’s the person who even confessed later on that she was the first to trust Zuko because she finds not just the influence of the physical injury, but the pain behind it as well because their energies resonate together. This explains why only Zuko can see how important it is for Katara to face her past and go for revenge because he knows that this can get her closure just the way he gets when he joins Team Avatar.

They are two people who have seen the worst of each other and felt that in unknown ways. What more can make you believe that they are the perfect partners who can not just discover the scars of each other, but can go to any extent to eliminate the pain???

#zutara fanart #zutara #zuko x katara #zutara month #zutara fanfiction #zutara fandom #zutarian #zutara atla #atla #avatar zuko #avatar canon #avatar katara #atla katara #katara #katara x zuko #prince zuko #zuko and katara #katara and zuko #fire and water #firebender #waterbender #avatar the last airbender #zutara week #zutara aesthetic #zutara fans #zutara art #Spotify

[nico-esoterica]

The Pluto in Aqua Survival Guide For Millennials and Gen Z 🚀

Part 1: Pluto through the Houses (Below) | Part 2: How The Generations Will Be Affected + Advice // Long Post Ahead++ If you’re reading this in February 2024, Pluto hasn’t officially transited into Aquarius yet but it WILL spend most of the year in it. This is giving the same vibes as 2008, the year of the US recession and subsequent global economic crash—but was, interestingly enough, when Pluto previewed Capricorn. It wasn’t exactly stable yet carried a smorgasbord of influence. In the 5 months and 2 and a half weeks it spent in the water goat’s sign, billions of charts were affected in ways we’re still studying to this day. So I consider this ‘preview’ worth studying as well because history can be cyclical.

But I think a doom and gloom perspective is redundant. We’re used to hearing how we can’t do something or how insurmountable the odds are because we typically associate Saturn with austerity. ‘The economy’s down’, ‘we can’t afford this,’ ‘climate change is worsening by the day,’ ‘10 tips to stop yourself from doom scrolling,’ including whatever well-meaning anxieties your parents reminded you of this week while you’re panicking over whether or not your Uber Eats tip is going to overdraft your account. Where Aquarius differs from Capricorn is that it prefers not to compromise its ideals over its survival. The latter are like the Millennials who project their neatly compartmentalized boomer inflicted trauma onto their subordinates because they’re from a generation where Uranus and Neptune’s dreams of job security on the horizon became lofty and farfetched by the recession. It hit when those born from the mid 80s to mid 90s would’ve been entering middle school or finishing university by that time (11-23yo). That means that those on the cusp of adolescence and at the beginning of our stages of realization in early adulthood weren’t catapulting into the abundance promised if they ‘worked hard enough’ but straight into an echoless void. But under Pluto in Aquarius, we can expect hopefuls to pick up the debris left strewn on the ground from the failed system and repurpose familiar ideas into more promising and sustainable fabric. If we think of the typical Aquarius, they’re usually a person who had to adapt to a negligent environment using a unique form of genius which subsequently separated them from the rest. They’re shrewd and strategic and have a sixth sense for building their world view around what makes sense to them—even if they’re the odd ones out yet again. Because what they don���t tell you about the water bearer is that no matter how embittered it becomes, somewhere under the weeds of the pain and disappointment its grown to expect, there’s an idealistic child selfishly clinging to hope—they’re lovers masking as misanthropes. That’s why Leo, ruled by the Sun, is its sibling. Through its opposition, we learn to always keep our standards for ourselves and the world around us sky high. If the system benefits from us underestimating ourselves, we must invest in shameless self belief.

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Dates are a rough estimate and will hypothesize what Pluto in Aqua (and other slow moving transits) have in store for those born between 1984-2007. Pluto in Aqua (themes): Recycle/Upcycle, Renew, Radicalize, Reject Key: • Saturn = Consolidation and attitudes towards structure and foundation (how they systemize/structure themselves esp when they need help or avoid it) • Uranus = Innovation and drastic sudden changes personally/circumstantially • Neptune = Personal zeitgeist and attitudes towards social trends and moods which deal with the topic of that house • Pluto = Aggrandizement of power, resources, and gains and losses of scale through the process of (slow and deeply sewn or festering) upheaval/uprooting, death, decay of the topics of the house it occupies, catalyst(s) for personal transformation Aries 1H: (Pluto in 11H) - friend groups, networks, the internet, and community service, (theory—ruler = social capital and clout) —Expansion (or) creation of friend groups and networks who share what matters most to you and finding community support amongst an unexpected group of people who’ll radically change your mindset. You may go through a period where everyone seems to ‘fall off’ right before you find the right people (they’ll probably be outliers or unique). Industry wise, this can mean being more tapped into what’s next tech and internet wise especially if you have placements here. Some of you may go off the grid entirely and live in a co-op in the woods/mountains to be honest.

But you and Gemini Risings need to watch Midsommar twice at the least. But this transit will also put many of you in places of leadership. You’re going to become the main protagonists in these tribes or circles of new ideas, especially with Uranus trining from your 3rd and Neptune creating a blazing soul fire in your 1st. Since Jupiter generally joys in the 11th, that Pluto/Neptune on your 11/1 feels like many of you may adopt a belief system or reject the notion of mainstream spirituality entirely for something more grounded and personal to you. Just be mindful of ideological rabbit holes and potentially isolating yourselves by accident. Taurus 1H: (Pluto in 10H) - social status/public image and career direction and its honors and great achievements, bosses and people in high positions of power, public recognition (and the pursuit of it) —Thought leader and People’s Champ—See what’s happening with Megan Thee Stallion where the entire internet shifted to support her after years of bullying and targeted harassment (she’s a Taurus Asc). The ambitious will benefit heavily from this transit while the unambitious (but who want to live well) will gain attention, credibility, and opportunity for surviving all this time, esp if you’re marginalized w/ a platform (if you don’t have one, get one NOW). People will uplift you for the more authentic you are.

But you’re going to have to learn to accept that others will see the greatness in you that you’ve been afraid of believing all along. With Uranus moving through your 2nd and Neptune in your 12th, you’re going to feel like you finally have autonomy with your finances and life path. But it’s going to call for you being comfortable with advocating for yourselves and setting clear boundaries because the former outers in Aqua hitting your 1st from your 10th can mean you spent a period being disrespected and feeling adrift by male or authority figures and it leading to you questioning yourself and your life potential. You’re used to people not believing in you—but the tables have turned. Stand on top of the business of yourself. Gemini 1H: (Pluto in 9H) - higher education, government, long distance travel and foreign culture, and organized religion and traditionally taught spirituality, politics, and publishing (large scale, corporate), teaching —Many of you may drop out of school (or find niched but polarizing niches within it), travel the world permanently, or may be radicalized by spirituality, politics, or education in a very BIG way that’ll be unique to this era. Please avoid Scientology and cults like the plague (or starting them) because there’ll be a strong ‘itch’ to find a sense of purpose w/ this transit. Because it’s so deep and aggrandizing, you’re going to feel like your entire life revolves around something larger than yourself and while this is a GOOD thing, you can get lost if you don’t have an internal compass.

The answers are within YOU, not something else. But this will be a very big ‘finding yourself’ transit to get to that conclusion. Similar to my advice to Aries Risings, these outers are hitting major identity shifting houses for you—The difference with you, Gemini, is that your ideals will be more solid but your concept of ‘yourself’ will undergo several transformations which will compliment your politics. Your framework for life will experience a new barrage of ‘what ifs’ and the current way you think will not be the same as it was a week, a year, ten years, 20 years into the future. You love change but with Uranus squaring a Pisces MC for some of you (or planets there), it’s important that you remember who you are versus what the world may want from you. Don’t get lost in the sauce. Cancer 1H: (Pluto in 8H) - shared resources and boundaries, inherited trauma and family karma [5th from the 8th] (and material inheritance) and trauma cycles, and coping mechanisms, shame and denial, loans/taxes, supernatural experiences, death, and the occult, sexual entanglement and taboo —You’ve already had three outer planets run amok in here and this will be the continuation of what Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune have prepped you for. Having terrible boundaries (too thick or thin) and other people’s baggage you feel like you have to shoulder or inherit is not gonna be it this time around. But the theme of this for some of you will be a HUGE taking-back-your-power-from-other-people era.

It’s taking ownership of something in your life that others thought they were entitled to. But it usually comes with a molting, shedding, and releasing process. This period can also be about transmuting grief, shame, or guilt into power. Others may fall down the rabbit hole of metaphysics (esp via NDE, astral travel, etc) and there’ll be a pocket who’ll (this sounds wacked but ima say it) experience alien contact and communication due to Uranus/Pluto being in air signs in psychic houses for you. But oof—The era of the people pleasing because people made you think being assertive is a ‘bad’ thing is over. Leo 1H: (Pluto in 7H) - contracts, serious relationships and marriages, relationship dynamics and what is projected onto you and from you, enemies you know —Similar to Cancer Risings, you’re used to having your boundaries compromised because conditioning taught you not to have them (or to make them steep). During this next cycle, your rebellion and rejection of what’s expected from you in your relationships will most likely send you down several rabbit holes where you experiment with different relationship styles and there’ll be a sense of ‘anarchy’ to everything.

Uranus transiting your 10H has been amplifying this already so you’re at the point now where you’re too far gone to appease and bow out like usual. But you’re also committed to radically setting boundaries now or letting them dissolve—if you’re ready for it. If not, Pluto transiting here can create spores of abandonment issues to infect relationships if the core causes aren’t uprooted—but having any natal Aqua placements will provide clues to learn what’s there. Being vulnerable and intimate means letting people know what hurts, where it hurts, and how they can care for you to accommodate it. Virgo 1H: (Pluto in 6H) - service industry, day jobs and short-term employment and trends with employment, overall job market and how you fit within it, work ethic, everyday health and routines (and health concerns), and pets (small domesticated animals) —You are so DONE with the way you’ve been treated or felt ‘afloat’ with your everyday life over the past several years (and longer). With Uranus about to transit your 10H for a while with Neptune in your 8H are going to push you (externally and internally) to take charge of your life in a way you can control. You’re very good at following orders because it’s sensible but suck at taking charge because honestly?

Neptune transiting your 7th for so long gives me the impression that you have a hard time saying ‘No’ when people need things from you. For the contrarians in the audience, relax—It just means your environment taught you to placate it. But life path wise, or just for right now, Pluto will force you to take your dreams and goals more seriously by thrusting you into situations where you’ll feel like you’re being called to act on your deep soul urges at last. Especially with the North Node transiting here in a few years—You’re going to know you’re doing what’s ‘right’ for you if it feels like you can finally be yourself. Libra 1H: (Pluto in 5H) - pleasure and recreation, the arts (esp those which feed the inner child), children, and more serious hobbies or deeply felt/consistent ones (passions), romanticism/addictions/vices which become necessary for recreation or to feel creative inspiration, what inspires you and how deeply it hits/affects —In a professional or creative sense, you’re about to tap into some serious inner child healing where you take those years you’ve neglected the more artistic part of yourself and devote yourself to nurturing it (at last). Relationship wise, many of you will be reconsidering having children later on than you originally planned because you value stability. Others will be abandoning it all together.

This will also be a period, calling it now, where a good portion of you will be more open to polyamory if you weren’t already. In a non-romantic sense, you’re going to be more interested in non-hierarchal and more communal relationship dynamics where your world has the robust support system you needed as a child. The focus overall will be finding sustainable ways to repair the damage/trauma you most likely experienced from having Pluto in Capricorn hit your angles for so long, especially for cardinal signs. But it’ll feel strange and even dizzying at first—You’re not used to shamelessly choosing yourself and your inner world and desires therein. Get comfortable by letting people be uncomfortable with this shift. Scorpio 1H: (Pluto in 4H) - family and origin, family secrets and history, bought and inherited real estate/material wealth, one’s sense of security and privacy and the private self, family legacy and drama, roots and family patterns and obligations and how we react to them —There’s some childhood wounds that need to properly scab over that you’ve been picking at for the last several years or more since Saturn entered its home signs and conjoined Pluto. Not all of you have family problems, but the other three outers transiting here lets me know that the concept of ‘safety’ will be a sensitive topic. Did you feel completely supported? Did you experience neglect? Were there issues with boundaries?

Gen Z/illennials with outer planets here will not be able to skirt around facing their core issue of fearing being vulnerable. Uranus in Gemini trining this house from your 8H will expedite this after it’s done squaring it from Taurus in your 7th—which just made things more awkward and chaotic than better. This house also dealing with family legacy with Pluto here may present…unexpected rewards for your suffering that were long overdue. Material rewards and those that can only be measured with the heart. You will be gaining this time instead of losing. Sagittarius 1H: (Pluto in 3H) - early childhood experiences, siblings, neighborhood and local community affairs, communication and publishing (written and digital—usually small scale), everyday rituals and hobbies, creature comforts which are ritualized, short distance travels, habits which are taught or gained/inspired, mundane everyday activity or obligation and how you feel about it/go about it —With Pluto leaving your 2H, you’re experiencing a titanic-level mindset shift. Depending on the rest of your chart, what you can anticipate is that your everyday life will carry a new level of intensity. Everything will have additional weight and purpose. But your well-being is moving out of a place of operating out of constant survival-mode to prioritizing what you think about what your life ought to look like.

Pluto transiting from your 12H to your 3H, depending on your age, means that the underpinning of your life has revolved around what your role is within a conglomerate of people where the focus isn’t on you but what you can contribute or you acting out in defiance of that or having an existential fear, that’s usually impressed on you by a parent, of losing control. With the outers beaming from your 5th and 7th, this is going to be about you going back to the beginning—what makes you genuinely happy? What makes you feel good? Who do you like having around you? Who’s important and why? It’ll feel like learning to walk again and rediscovering your core interests, passions, and love styles but without worrying about who you’re performing for. Because fuck them. Kindly and unkindly. Capricorn 1H: (Pluto in 2H) - personal resources and finance, attitudes about material security and said resources, the different ways in which material comfort can ground us and reflect in what makes us feel the most secure in our lives on a day to day basis, love of the material and/or fear of it, conditioned attitudes about money —You’re in a unique position where you’re going to begin valuing yourself outside of what you can tangibly provide—and for you this is a big deal because that’s how you’ve perceived yourself until now. Pluto settling in your 2nd means that for some of you, your ideas will become your black card (your perspective on the outside looking in or the inverse) and any community you tap into will provide you with its resources.

For others, you’ll be experiencing ego deaths where you’ll either want to detach from the system entirely and start growing your own food, sourcing your own materials, etc, anything to make you into the resource instead while the opposing camp will turn their corporate trauma into winning underdog success with new industries (and opportunities) that’ll open up. There’s going to be a death somewhere with all parties involved regarding how you see yourself. It won’t be about what you can do for the world but how it will pivot to work for you. But it requires a perspective shift—Are you ready to kill off the part of yourself who’s been taught wind, storm, and turmoil are required to live a comfortable life? Haven’t you suffered enough? Aquarius 1H: (Pluto in 1H) - vitality and life force, core identity, the lens you see your life through (esp w/ planets here), how others see us and how we present ourselves consciously and unconsciously, appearance/style, the circumstances life brought you into and themes which play out around it (has more to do w/ parents and family dynamics) —You’ve been a lone wolf for a hot minute now—With so many outers hitting your angles for decades, you’ve found a bit of schadenfreude in the world waking up and realizing how fucked up everything’s been. But in a strange turn of events, said world’s now standing awkwardly on your doorstep, especially for those w/ other placements in Aquarius. You’re being recognized and vindicated for what’s been denied to you.

But if you’ve been sabotaging all this time, you may take any life or behavior adjustments you’ve felt prompted to make as an invitation for more rejection and ridicule. Because Pluto’s going to energize any generational planets you have here (or have transited), all of your actions have radical potential—but it’ll be up to you to decide if they’ll aid or hinder you. If they’re moving you forward (w/ Neptune in Aries hitting your 3rd), you’ll be able to transmute your self-consciousness of feeling othered into self-actualized power. If not, you’ll truly be rebels without a cause—feeling more lost than ever before. Especially for those of you w/ Scorpio placements. Pisces 1H: (Pluto in 12H) - what’s hidden from us and the unseen (including enemies), the unconscious, hospitals/mental institutions/jails and hidden but very present structures of life, isolation and sanctuary, foreign lands, spirituality, sabbaticals, unconscious wounds, where we undo ourselves, large animals, circumstances before birth which affect the native in unseen ways or were present —You have the opportunity to set things right but it’s going to require you do a little forgive and forgetting, wiping the slate clean, or whatever necessary to heal the wounds of alienation and scrutiny many of you have experienced w/ the Aquarius outers transiting and/or occupying your 12th. Because this is the house of self-undoing and unearthed psychic trauma, there’s a lot you’ve been processing. Many of you have a bad habit of wearing your wounds without tending to them properly or detaching and letting them fester in private—And the first new and full moons in Aqua over the next several years will help you realize just how debilitating that’s been. You don’t know who you are unless you’re impaling yourself on something–because deep down, you may find suffering to be necessary or it gives you purpose. 

But your 12H in Aqua being hit with transformative Pluto is going to make you aware of how much this cycle is the result of you being emotionally neglected in some way, shape, or form. Especially for those with personal or generational Aquarius planets, it means that you found refuge in alienation and being on the outside looking in. But Pluto here can operate as a catalyst for rich and profound spiritual and emotional growth. But this planet here is double edged—Either you’re going to learn that you have an identity outside of the outsider or you’ll let it push you further into the void of detaching and expecting the worst because the worst is what you’ve always had to endure. Don’t do this anymore.

#astrology #pluto in aquarius #pluto through the houses #astrology transits #millennials #gen z

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

Something I love about Exile Arc is that it focuses heavily on emotional abuse as the most harrowing aspect of c!Tommy's experience.

Like, yes, the physical torture (both c!Tommy and c!Dream have referred to it as such) started pretty much immediately. c!Dream was always very physically abusive, frequently striking c!Tommy with weapons while he was defenceless and eventually hitting him to the point he didn’t react. And that’s horrific on its own, obviously, but what Exile really focuses on is the emotional and psychological harm done, and the escalating abuse there.

It starts off with c!Dream belittling c!Tommy's feelings and thoughts, and isolating him for large periods of time. As he visits Exile more- something he occasionally didn’t do early on- he started lovebombing c!Tommy heavily, something he did to a degree beforehand with gifts but would start doing emotionally. He began manipulating him to gain his trust, presenting the absence of abuse as proof of kindness and leading him to see himself as uniquely bad, then making him feel special by portraying himself as a saviour and a trustworthy adult figure who was there to help. He began gaslighting c!Tommy about serious events, like Mexican Dream's death, and would increasingly make c!Tommy out to be the offending party and himself the victim, making c!Tommy feel guilty and wrong and ashamed, like he was the toxic party in the situation. He intentionally isolated him, lying to him and others to deliberately lead people away from Logstedshire and to keep c!Tommy unwilling to accept any help when someone did show up. Whenever anyone did while c!Dream was around, he'd worsen his abuse and drag the other person into it without their knowledge, leading c!Tommy to associate visits from anyone but c!Dream with humiliation and pain. On that note, c!Dream was very much deliberately setting rules and organising things to make c!Tommy feel humiliated and ashamed of himself, like it was embarrassing to be the victim of abuse- with infantilising and dehumanising rules, c!Tommy was treated very much like the child he hated to be seen as. It left c!Tommy desperate for any sort of validation, which c!Dream provided by making himself out to be a martyr who was the only one who cared, and he'd lovebomb c!Tommy even further when he fell into that dependence, encouraging c!Tommy to- as c!Tommy describes it himself- lack free will and become a toy, puppet, and/or pet.

Emotional abuse is often downplayed, but it's one of the most damaging forms of abuse out there. It’s insidious, and the effects of it often never go away. Many abuse survivors consider emotional abuse to be the most traumatic parts of their experience due to this, but it’s so rarely depicted as such in media. Physical and sexual abuse are considered worse or more serious than emotional abuse (and even then they’re not treated with respect a lot of the time!), when it’s far more complicated and nuanced than that with each of them causing different but deeply damaging trauma. It’s genuinely very cathartic to see a depiction of abuse that really focuses on the psychological elements, along with other stuff that’s generally not covered by media as much (such as c!Tommy not being anywhere close to a perfect victim yet still being portrayed entirely as a victim who didn’t deserve his abuse at all, or the complex feelings towards his abuse he has), and it helped me process a lot of what personally happened to me. It might be a little fantastical in some areas, but in others it’s so realistic in ways I’ve never even seen before, and I think that’s awesome.

#dream smp #Exile arc #primeboys (derogatory) #abuse tw #Dsmp analysis