I’ve started many little inside jokes with my students but one of them came up with a new one and…it’s gotta be my favorite. These are upper elementary students btw.
Almost everyday for a week I’ve had a student try to plead their case about why they shouldn’t get homework for a whole week. And I’ve shot em down every time bc there’s a very good reason why we (my CT and I) give out homework. But I let them tell me because it’s usually comical and we get a laugh out of it. The student is also in on the joke, I want this to be clear.
But there’s been a new response recently. Every time I go “Hmm nah, you need the practice, hon.” They’ll respond with “But you betrayed us by having a job so you own it to us. I hope you slip on a pickle.”
And there’s like three layers behind that one line that make me laugh every single time. I will be here all day if I broke it down. Anyway, I love my work.
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One of the most memorable interactions was Saturday. Into our booth strolls a small family, tempted by free samples of freshly brewed tea. We chatter and give them the spiel, that the tea is character merch and we’re a cozy health-based app called Forage Friends.
The young girl zeroes in on our pride pins.
“They have my pin!” She says excitedly. “They have my flag!”
The dad blinks. He is surprised, but also calm and positive when he sees it’s the lesbian flag. “Oh. That’s… different from what you told me.”
“That was months ago, dad.” And she rolls her eyes. Definitely a teenager.
I turn to him and say, “Yeah, dad.” And we share a little laugh about it.
He says, “No, it’s great. That’s amazing, honey. It was just news to me.”
“Well, I guess I just decided to stop lying to myself. About liking guys. Like right now.”
A little lesbian just came out to her dad and he was super cool about it.
I’m standing there in my tie-dye mask and my cheery blue apron pouring tea and making small talk and I’m trying really hard not to cry or compare it to my experience, the fire & brimstone, the disgust, the conditional acceptance as long as I never bring it up.
So as this beautiful bonding is going on, the girl’s even younger brother turns his gaze around. He’s in a snorlax hoodie and bored and wants to go look at the swords across the hall. But on the other side of our booth….
“WHY DO PEOPLE DRAW THAT?” He asks loudly, and we all turn to our neighboring booth.
Our neighbors were extremely lovely people. Every time we had a break we would talk, and we became good friends over the weekend. They kept apologizing that their booth was next to ours and we kept repeating that it was totally fine. Their booth was great. I even bought their merchandise.
The thing that was so contentious, that they felt the need to apologize for, was that they were selling explicit titty hentai stickers of popular characters. They were censored with little yellow R18 labels but the content was very clear.
So back to the family: I freeze and immediately go somewhere else to let dad handle this question. With adult customers I’ve been loud and positive about our neighbors. (“Man, how has it been boothing next to them?” It’s been great! They bring a lot of foot traffic and they’re kind and wonderful professional neighbors. If anything it’s a fun juxtaposition. We believe in artistic freedom. I bought a sticker too!)
But this is a kid, it’s not my place to explain anything…. But I was extremely curious about what this chill dad would say.
“Well,” dad says with a long measured silence between each word. “Sometimes people are horny.”
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I love the idea of the Wayne kids dropping extremely vague and disturbing comments during galas. Especially when in uncomfortable situations or if they're just bored. They pull out things from their nightlife too. Other times they just make shit up.
Socialite: Oh, dear, your cheeks look so sullen! Who sucked the life out of you?
Tim, dead serious: An old man with a goatee.
Socialite: Uh... what?
Dick: Once I broke my knee so badly that I swear I could see part of the bone sticking out.
Socialite: Good lord. How on earth did that happen?
Dick: Just clumsy gymnast things ^^
Socialite: The white streak is certainly a bold fashion choice.
Jason: I saw someone get decapitated once, so I could be doing worse in terms of what's on my head, yknow? At least I have one.
Socialite: What's your favourite colour, sweetie?
Damian: Red.
Socialite: Oh that's lovely!
Damian: Like the blood of my enemies.
Socialite: Oh.
Socialite: You must be new to these kind of events.
Duke: Uh, yeah, they're kind of scary. But I've had worse.
Socialite: Worse.
Duke: Well I've been left on top of a skyscraper before with no way down just to 'get over my fear of heights' so, yes.
Socialite: You don't talk very loud, do you? I can barely hear you.
Cass, with a straight face: If I spoke any louder every glass in the room would shatter.
Tim, behind her: I can vouch.
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i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered
i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child
so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭
like
20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question
barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?
20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,
-
early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:
barry:
diana:
hal:
j'onn:
bruce: what.
hal:
hal: do you like clone them or
-
mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:
hal:
diana:
barry:
j'onn:
clark:
bruce:
tim:
bruce: this one followed me
-
late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:
barry: did you hire a bodyguard
bruce: no.
barry: whos mr red over there
bruce: you don't remember my second one???
barry:
hal:
diana:
j'onn:
clark:
barry: did. did that one not die
jason: got better
-
later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:
hal:
bruce: don't ask.
hal: i didn't say anything
-
40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:
clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing
tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that
-
red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.
barry: who the FUCK are you???
-
batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????
barry: i have several questions
-
no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:
hal: did you get three more.
bruce: no. just one.
hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad
-
mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late
diana: not to worry. let's get start-
bruce: i have a few more coming behind me
zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀
jason: hi
cass: 👋
diana:
diana: ok should we st-
zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀
dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today
damian: HISSS
bruce: okay does he need to go back?
dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite
diana:
diana: is that the las-
zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀
steph: b i need a hair tie
diana:
diana: so can-
zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀
duke: b did i miss rolecall
diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-
zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀
tim: b alf is mad at you
bruce: why
hal: it's like a fucking clown car
steph: you didn't eat breakfast
tim: you didn't eat breakfast either
steph: shut.
damian: HISSSS
jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-
dick: hes a BABY!!!!!
duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy
jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!
tim: who the fuck told you????
cass: :)
hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.
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