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bunnyboysrus · 3 months

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Of Monsters and Omegas

I read this a/b/o thing a while ago, I don't even know who the original was by I can't find it again y-y

but it had a thing I'd never seen in a/b/o before, with an idea of an alpha, claim biting another alpha and turning them into an omega (talked to a friend and it turns out this is a thing that has been written about more than once, im just out of touch and its not even friday) and it was an amazing story, super well written, I just personally didn't like the ending cause I'm the #1 advocate for brat readers and not the biggest fan of crybabies or the total pheromone brainwashing that people write for omegas that make them do the complete opposite of what they would normally do, I'd like to think they have more resistance to the chemicals than that albeit at the cost of some physical and psychological pain. so im writing my own, thingy, with a different ending.

18+ Minors DNI - 6.3k words Content Warnings: stalking, obsession, death, fighting, violence, blood, torture(?), kidnapping, noncon touching, suggestive, gangs, some degradation, reader is referred to as 'princess' gender neutrally (im new to this so if theres anything i forgot pls let me know)

The heavy sounds of flesh hitting flesh echoed against the stone walls of the alleyway concealing the battered figures of the people fighting within it. One person lay dazed and immobile on the ground already, followed shortly by a second body, this one out cold before he even hit the ground. The last two fighters standing were locked in a desperate grapple, and despite having been beset upon by three assholes at once, the would-be victim who had been pulled into the alley on their way home from a long day of college classes gains the upper hand for the third and final time. Your muscles burn as you grunt and send the last assailant flying into the hard brick wall, one final crack ringing through the tight, dark space as they slide down the wall onto the dirty ground, right into an unfortunately placed puddle of dumpster juice. They leave a splatter of blood on the stone where the back of their head split on the stained grit.

Blood drips from the knuckles of the hand you run through the sweaty hair slicked to your forehead as you stoop and pick up your backpack from where it had been tossed to the side. You spot a wallet on the ground, knocked out of someone's pocket at some point during the fight, and pocket the cash from that too, for the inconvenience. These scumbags were lucky they weren't dead, yet, anyway. For this? They'd probably be killed within the week once you gave their ID's to your older sister.

You continue on your way back home, wiping the blood off your knuckles and face with the sleeve of your coat as you go.

Why those grunts had seemingly staked you out was beyond you, other than the obvious reason of being a member of their gang's most vicious and historied rival. Your family was a notorious one, a family business dealing mostly in drugs but with a few spare hands in money laundering and data gathering. You were fully aware that what your family did was illegal in a dozen different ways, but it was what you had grown up in, it was what paid for your lavish lifestyle, so who were you to be judgmental? Besides, to compromise within a morally gray area, you know your family prefers to keep things as bloodless as possible, less clean up and attention that way. As a fresh adult who was only in your second year of college however, you were ignorant to most of those details, and chose to be so. You understood why your family didn't want to involve you just yet, and you didn't care to dig into it, the longer you could go with less responsibilities, the better. So, for now, you were content to stay in the dark and live your carefree, well-funded life.

Of course, that didn't mean you were naive or anything. You know very well that you were in constant danger of being attacked or killed, even as you lived a perfectly normal college life. So, as any self-respecting alpha would, you worked out intensely and routinely, to the point of being intimidating even to other alphas. Running into a few punks here and there was nothing to you, even when they came in groups like they had today.

The remaining smears of blood on your knuckles have dried into a crust by the time you get home. Once you've kicked off your shoes at the door, you hide the gory evidence of your altercation in your coat pockets as you step into the living room of your family's manor. Your sisters, Nina, the youngest, and Esme, older than you but younger than your brothers, Leon and Silas, are sitting on the couch closest to the TV, a drama of some sort playing as they shared a bowl of strawberries. Nina beams at you from the couch.

"Hey! How was your day?"

Nina was still in high school, which in your opinion was way worse than college, so the fact that she still had the spunk and energy to greet you so enthusiastically warmed your heart. You smile back at her as you head for the stairs.

"It was pretty good, I finally finished that project so now I don't have to stay late at the library anymore."

"That's great! That means you'll be home early enough to watch Cats of Heaven with me!"

"I should have enough time for that, sure." You chuckle. You had no clue what that was, but if you had to guess, knowing your sister it was the newest silly cartoon that she had become infatuated with. At least she wasn't trying to get you to watch the insufferable dramas that she liked to watch with Leon and Esme, like what was on now, but you would never admit to your siblings how corny you thought those kinds of shows were. You could only hope Cats of Heaven was something more entertaining than the standard soap operas you'd observed.

"There's pizza in the kitchen." Esme calls to you as you start up the stairs.

Ah, so Leon isn't home yet. The oldest of your siblings was the one who normally cooked, more often than even your mother. You call back an acknowledgement before jogging up the stairs to your room. After cleaning yourself of the day's grime, and the blood of course, you change clothes and trot back downstairs, heading for the kitchen to obtain some of the aforementioned pizza. Getting past the group project you'd been working on for the past three months meant more free time after school for the immediate future, and you were all too keen to relax with your family, even if it meant slogging through a show that was potentially horrendous.

You pad back into the living room, already halfway through one of the five slices of cheesy divinity on your plate. You were just sitting down between Esme and Nina when the sound of keys in the front foyer made you all perk up.

"I thought they weren't coming back for another few days?" Esme voices the question on all of your minds, 'they' being your parents and oldest brother, who had left on a business trip a little under a week ago.

"Maybe they finished work early and wanted it to be a surprise." Nina suggests happily, as the sound of footsteps in the hallway grows closer. You're hit with a sudden wave of apprehension at the same time as Esme, both of you standing abruptly to move in front of your youngest sister as a crowd of strangers step into the room with shameless casualness. Leading them, is an imposing alpha man with ink black hair tied at the nape of his neck and burning red eyes so piercing it almost made you shiver to be caught in their gaze. Almost.

The only thing that overpowered the rising fear was anger.

You sprint directly for the leader, arm pulled back for a haymaker, but some beta grunt gets in your way and takes the blow. It's clear from the confidence with which he steps in that he was unprepared for the force behind the fist, and ends up on his face on the floor, dead to the world. The first swing immediately spurs the others into action, and they surge around their leader to subdue you. It turns out to be a much harder endeavor than any of them anticipate, even when one lackey throws themself onto your back to weigh down your movement, you move as though the weight wasn't there at all, ramming backwards and crushing the brave idiot and one other against the wall. You're about to make another lunge for the leader, who has so far been lounging in an insufferably smug manner against the wall, watching the fight but not bothering to get involved, when you hear a shrill scream behind you that stops you cold.

You turn back to see Nina trapped in the arms of a muscly thug, and Esme thrashing on the ground at her feet, held down by two others. Your rage surges and you move to attack their captors, but the momentary distraction caused by your little sister's distress is all the time that's needed for three more men to jump on you and drag you to the ground. It takes 5 people altogether to hold you down as you curse and struggle against their hold trying to reach your sisters.

The leader of the home invasion chuckles condescendingly as he finally moves from his spot against the wall and walks closer, kneeling down by your face, a tight smile on his face that holds no amusement.

"You're just as feisty as ever, second youngest. I've heard all about your track record in fights, your unbroken win streak was so intimidating that I thought for sure it'd take more than that to subdue you. I'm a little disappointed."

"Fuck you!!!" It's all you can manage to spit out amongst your fury and exhaustion; normally you'd be able to throw off even five people, at least enough to get an arm free to strike out, but you were already worn out from your earlier fight. That, and a literal glob of spit that lands splat dab against the side of the assault leader's nose; damn, so close to hitting him in the eye.

The room goes cold and still, the thugs surrounding you and your siblings seem to take in a collective breath of anxiety, looking nervously to their leader for his reaction. To their surprise, he simply stares down intensely at the struggling alpha on the floor as he wipes the spit off his cheek... and licks it off his thumb.

"Oh, are you sure that's smart? You might not care about your own compromised position... but you care about theirs, right?" He glances over to the men holding down your sisters and in response to an unspoken signal, they draw knives and hold them menacingly against their throats. Esme growls furiously, but Nina screams again in fear as tears pour down her cheeks.

"Stop! Stop it, don't terrorize them! You're here for me, right?! Then just take me outside and beat me to death if that's what you want but leave them alone!!!" You still sound enraged, but even you are aware of the fear that leaks into your voice.

"Aww, worried for your sisters? Me too." The faux amusement in the alpha leader's voice is gone now, replaced with a cold fury chilling enough to send a zing of worry into your spine. The leader grabs a fistful of your hair in a painfully tight grip as he pulls your head up, his other hand spinning a set of keys around his finger. Your blood runs cold when you zero in on the plastic pink dolphin hanging on the ring.

Those are your mother's keys.

"You seem to think I'm here because you put a few grunts into the hospital. You're mistaken." The alpha tilts his head as his eyes pierce into yours, searching, but for what, you don't know. "You aren't aware of what your brother's been up to, are you?"

"You'll have to be more specific; I have two." You huff, trying not to stare too obviously at the dolphin, trying desperately not to think of what it might mean of your mother's fate for this asshole to be holding those keys.

"Silas." The alpha says icily, speaking the name like a curse.

Warily, you shake your head, the clawed grip on your head barely allowing the movement. "No, I'm not aware of anything my brothers and parents are involved in."

"That's unfortunate... But I'm already aware of that. It's cute, honestly, did they think leaving you out of the loop would keep you safe and uninvolved?" He gives your hair a sharp tug, eliciting a hiss from the fuming alpha. "All it did was make you the perfect tool for revenge."

"What the fuck are you even talking about you piece of shi-" The leader slams your face into the ground, and although the floor is carpeted, it only buffers the brunt force so much. When the leader lifts your head back up, your nose is dripping blood.

"I'm talking now. Unless you want me to kill your sisters in front of you, you'll shut the fuck up and listen like a good little bitch."

A growl rumbles through you which is met with another face first kiss into the floor, but the alpha doesn't signal anything to the thugs holding your sisters.

"Listen well, as I won't repeat myself. Silas kidnapped my sister, and I can only assume he claimed her. That, or he killed her, but I doubt it. Your mother was helping him to keep them both hidden, and to her credit she refused to sell him out, no matter how much we hurt her." The spinning of the keys stops abruptly as the leader catches them in his palm before dangling them in front of you. "I guess she didn't stop to think about what that choice might mean for her other children, left so innocent and unaware at home, alone. Maybe she had a favorite?"

Your blood runs cold as you take in the intruder's words. You had never been particularly close with Silas, hell, none of your siblings were. He had always been very distant with his siblings, while the rest of you went on to be incredibly close with one another, leaving Silas as the odd one out. That wasn't to say you hadn't all at some point tried to get closer with him, he had simply always made it clear he had no interest. This was probably also fueled by the coddling you had all observed from your mother; Silas had always been her golden boy, incapable of wrongdoing.

"I had no idea... None of us did." You can only hope the sincerity is clear in your voice and face; you genuinely had no idea your brother had done such a thing or was even capable of doing such. If the kidnapping was fueled by anything other than the feud between your families... The thought made you sick.

The leader considers your words, his chilling gaze never wavering in the slightest from yours.

"I believe you. From what I gather, based on what we were able to discern from the phone we took from your mother, she and he were the only ones in on it."

Your relief is short lived when a cruel, mirthless smirk creeps over the leader's face. There's a sudden sting in the side of your neck, you barely have time to register the pinch of pain before darkness rushes into your vision from all sides.

"However... That doesn't alleviate you of the consequences."

A sudden splash of cold drags you unwillingly out of the darkness. You open your eyes, gasping, taking in the dirty, gray stone, the puddle surrounding you; you're no longer in your living room. You now find yourself somewhere dark and cemented on all sides, the cold dampness pervading the space the kind that only comes from being underground. The only illumination comes from a single bare bulb swinging on a frayed wire over your head, the light it casts only making the space feel more unnerving.

Looming over you, face cast eerily in the darkness clumping up around the edges of the bulb's dingy light, is the leader of the home invasion. His red eyes are black in the shadow, but still alight with something cruel and mocking. He has a bucket in his hand, empty save for the last few drops of water clinging to the lip, the rest of it covering you.

"Good morning, princess. Sleep well?"

It's just the two of you, alone. No guards, no thugs, no sign of your sisters. You process this information a split second before you register the weight clamped down around your arms and waist, metal rattling loudly through the small space when you try to lunge for him, only to be stopped short by a chain attached to the wall behind you. You twist your arms violently, feeling the bite of handcuffs digging into your wrists, chains pulling taught where they're wrapped around your waist. Your captor laughs at your efforts.

It's when you growl in response to the taunting laughter that you feel more metal on your face. A muzzle. You can't suppress the fury thrashing around in your chest like a wild animal, growing more and more violent the more humiliation is piled on. The abduction, the laughter, the restraints, the muzzle. You kick and pull and yank and spit and snarl, don't stop even when the metal bites and blood makes your skin slippery against the cuffs.

"Aww, throwing a tantrum now? Cute." The words are barely enough warning before you're shoved onto your back, arms grinding painfully between the restrains and the dirty floor.

Your captor straddles you, his weight keeping your body pressed flat to the ground while one hand settles into the curve of your throat and squeezes. His palm presses lightly into your airway at the same time that his thumb rubs slow, pensive circles in the dip between your neck and collar. You shiver apprehensively when it brushes over the scent gland in your neck.

"I already told you I don't know where your sister is. Fucking kill me already so you can get even, just don't hurt my sisters. They're not involved!"

"Second time you've asked me to kill you... you seem quite keen on it." He smirks. "Unfortunately, you're all involved by virtue of simply being a part of that family. I know none of you are stupid enough to be completely ignorant to your family's doings."

Another growl bubbles up in your throat, only to be choked into silence when your captor tightens his grip around your neck.

"You know, I've thought for a while now that the older you've gotten, the less happy you've looked. The worst time, was right after your high school graduation, it was like the last of your light had left your eyes." His smile softens into something pitying, bordering on sympathetic even, but all you feel is chills running up and down your spine. "You always used to be so carefree, and spirited, it was crushing to see you looking so worn down and sad. It took me a while to realize what was killing the happy you I love so much."

The hands around your neck loosen as the leader leans down, hips shifting against your crotch as he moves, completely unbothered by the water soaking into his pants. He brings his face to your ear, lips grazing against the shell of it.

"Don't you think trying so hard to posture around like a big tough alpha is exhausting? I know it is, I know intimately the sort of shit we go through to come out on top as the strongest, the worthiest... But that struggle never suited you, did it? You've always seemed too sweet for it to me, more like an omega than an alpha."

You can't help but take the opportunity to thrust your head forward and slam it into your captor's face, forcing him back into his upright position. Ignoring the stalker shit this guy was just babbling was difficult, but you decided to skip it for now since honestly you didn't really wanna hear the details...

"You've gotta be shitting me, I've sent hundreds of you losers to the hospital and the grave since I was a middle schooler. If you're seriously trying to compare me to an omega, then I know you're full of it and just trying to piss me off."

He raises an eyebrow, surprisingly not retaliating against the bonk to his head, not yet at least.

"So, what would you call the manicures you get monthly with your sister?"

"I call that self-care and spending time with my sister. Fighting off all your fuckin' grunts wears my hands out and I'm not fond of scars. I deserve a relaxing hand massage for the trouble of beating your thugs up every week."

"And the mall trips where you spend hundreds on clothes which you follow up with a trip to that quaint little bakery where you always get a strawberry cream cake? That doesn't strike you as omega-ish?"

"Go to hell. For one thing, it's insanely creepy that you know all that, and for another, you're stereotyping like a motherfucker. Alphas aren't all meatheads that do nothing but eat raw steak, jerk off and work out, and all omegas aren't valley preps that do nothing but shop and primp. People who think like you are what's wrong with society."

The leader's deep red eyes stare intensely into your face for an eerily long moment before the corners of his lips twitch. At first its imperceptible, and while he clearly fights to keep a straight face, he can't keep down the chuckles bubbling out of his throat for long. He throws his head back in a burst of full body laughter, the least cruel sound he's made since you met him. When he finally manages to calm himself, the leader beams down at you as he wipes a tear out of his eye.

"My god... You're so fucking cute. Do you even hear yourself? You're only proving my point. You're meant to be pampered and taken care of, sheltered and safe from petty street fights and laborious expectations of strength and intimidation. You look so much cuter and happier getting your nails done than you do working out and swaggering around trying to be impressive and domineering."

This conversation had already been creepy since it started, but this was starting to genuinely unnerve you. You try to lean your head further away from the alpha on top of you, but he grabs the front of your muzzle, dragging you closer.

"Don't run away now tough guy. I thought a big bad alpha like you wasn't scared. How's it feel to be the one on bottom? Feeling threatened by the idea of someone putting you in your place? Scared?" He drags his tongue across the thin bars of the muzzle, his breath ghosting over your lips.

"What do you want from me?" You finally manage to ask, despite the tightness in your throat. As much as you expect to dread the answer, you can't stand any more of the back and forth while you wait in suspense for torture, for death, for something. Something other than whatever it is about this whole exchange that is making this guy so rock hard. You're trying to ignore it but, you've been feeling the unmistakable prod of this weirdo's boner against your crotch for almost the whole time you've been speaking.

"Still waiting on me to kill you? Knowing how proud you are, I bet you'd prefer death over what I have planned for you." The freak on top of you chuckles, his voice lowering to a husk as he leans down and nuzzles his nose into the crook between your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply. "You smell so sweet even now, for an alpha...~ You'll smell even better soon."

Before you can ask what the hell he's talking about, you feel a kitten lick against your neck that makes you freeze. It's light at first, but quickly turns into broad strokes of his tongue and open mouth kisses from shoulder to jaw, wet and insistent.

No way. Nowaynowaynowaynoway. Obviously, no one is incapable of being sexually assaulted but it rarely ever happened to alphas, they weren't exactly the cute, easy targets creeps normally went for. It had never even been a passing concern for you up until now.

"Hey! Are you fucking-gh...!" You choke on your words when a sharp sting pulses through your neck. A heartbeat later, a deep and agonizing burning sensation starts to spread through your veins, up into your head where the white-hot burn is so blaring that it clouds your vision with spots, and down into your chest where your heart starts pounding against your ribs like it's trying to claw its way out. You can only gasp soundlessly as pain like you've never experienced rips through you, tearing screams from your lungs that die before they can even leave your throat, coming out only as gasping whimpers. It's after you feel a second bite and the pain is redoubled that you finally manage to shriek out loud, a sound so visceral and so unlike any sound or scream you've ever made that it doesn't even sound like you.

When he bites into your scent gland for a third time, the pressure building behind your eyes from the pain and the lightheadedness of screaming without pause for breath snaps. You can feel yourself losing consciousness again, and this time you couldn't be more grateful for it.

Your return to the waking world is much slower this time. Whereas before you were yanked out of the darkness with a splash of cold water, this time you find yourself wading through it, a lake of sludge thicker than cold syrup, and it was just as sticky and unpleasant as you imagine such a thing would be. Despite what feels like physical pounds of exhaustion weighing them down, you manage to drag your eyes open.

You feel cold and damp all over, a fresh drop of sweat rolling down your neck. A full body ache that sinks deep into your bones covers you; you feel like you're made of glass, fragile, weak and sore.

A strip of dim, greyed light is shining on the ceiling over your head; its all you can focus on as your awareness swims to the surface and clambers out of the heavy lake still trying to drag it down. You shift and lift one of your arms out from under the thick blanket covering you and notice gauze wrapped around your wrist. A small, delicate gasp to your side makes you turn your head. Nina is sitting in a chair by your bedside, clutching your other hand tightly between hers.

"You're awake! Y-You were sleeping so long I thought you'd never..." She sniffles, holding your hand to her cheek as hot tears drip onto your wrist. You slowly turn your hand to press your palm against her cheek, smiling softly.

"It's okay Nina, I'm alive, it's alright." Your voice is barely more than a croak, scratching painfully out of your throat. Nina grabs a cup of water from a bedside table and gently helps you take a few sips. When you've managed to drain the whole cup, you lay back in the bed with a wearied sigh.

"What happened? I thought for sure I was dying, I..." You trail off, thinking back to the odd conversation you'd had with the alpha who had led your home's invasion. Your head is pounding, and you feel so weak, like you're just waking up from the worst part of a flu, still feeling traces of a fever in the heat trapped in your blankets and the sweat clinging to your skin. A growl from the window pulls your attention away from your condition.

"That motherfucker... He did something to you." Esme is leaning against the frame of the large window casting the gray light over the ceiling a few feet away from where you and Nina are sitting, a cigarette crushed in half in her hand. You can't help but be faintly alarmed at the sight of it; Nina had expressly forbidden Esme from smoking, and she hadn't been caught with a cigarette in over a year. To see her with one in front of Nina, and for Nina to not be making any fuss over it, means something is seriously wrong. A distant rumble punctuates the tense silence that falls over you all, and you notice that the slim strip of sky visible through the partially parted curtains over the window is blotted out with storm gray.

"Did what to me?" You press. Your sisters exchange a look that is far too loaded to discern anything from other than Nina's palpable concern and Esme's frustration. You quickly get tired of waiting for one of them to tell you what is going on.

"Will one of you please tell me what is making you both look at me like I've caught some kind of fatal disease?" You huff, anxiety bleeding into your words. Nina glances one more time to Esme, who adamantly refuses to look away from the window as she throws down her ruined cigarette and retrieves a new one.

"You... Er, well you were... claimed. By Emil." Nina says quietly, staring down at her hands in her lap rather than you.

You stare at her blankly. What she's saying makes sense objectively, but you can't make sense of what it could have to do with you. Claiming was something exclusively done between alphas and omegas. You almost want to laugh and call it absurd, when you remember the sharp, burning pain of something piercing your neck. You shiver as you recall that the pain had been sourced in the same area as your scent gland. Your hand slowly, shakily, reaches up to press two probing fingers to your neck. Pain pulses faintly through you again when the tips of your fingers find gauze wrapped around it.

The weakness pervading your entire body, the nervousness underlying all of the other emotions swirling in your gut, the foreign sensation settled in your lower abdomen... Somehow, you know instinctively what it all means before your sister even says it.

"He bitched you. You're an omega now." Esme's voice has dropped to a low, hard to hear octave. You almost want to believe you imagined what you just heard, but you know deep down that what she says is true. The despair must show on your face, as Nina grabs your hand again, squeezing it tightly between both of hers.

"I-It'll be okay...! Emil is actually very nice, and he's genuinely-" She's cut off by the sharp slam of Esme's fist against the wall.

"Bullshit! Don't even start Nina. He bitched you and he expects you to roll over and be happy about it, but I say fuck that!" She snarls, her new cigarette meeting the same fate as its predecessor as she crushes it in her fist and throws it to the ground. "He's gone on and on at us trying to prove that this is all somehow what's best for you, but he just sounds deranged! He's a sick, obsessive freak, and he wants you to-!"

The sound of a door opening stops her short, and all three siblings jerk around to look at the newcomer entering through the door on the far side of the room from the bed. A woman in scrub pants and a sweater glowers down at all three siblings, looking supremely exhausted.

"You two, you were told you would only be allowed in if you didn't cause trouble. Are you distressing the patient right after they wake up?" She asks in a cold, droning voice.

Nina and Esme exchange defeated, worried glances before Nina speaks up.

"N-No ma'am, we weren't trying to be disruptive we were just-"

"Overwhelming someone coming out of a physically taxing ordeal that left them comatose for almost two weeks." She interjects dryly. "Come on, visitation's over, both of you out."

You expect your sisters to argue, to tell her off for expecting them to leave you alone and insist on staying with you, but to your shock your sisters resignedly stand up and head for the door. Once they've both shuffled out, the nurse (?) shuts the door behind them and trudges over to you. You flinch away from her touch, but she grabs you in firm but gentle hands, holding you still as she looks you over.

"I expected you to stay out for a few more days, but you're one tough little cookie. How are you feeling?"

Bewildered but too shell shocked to question, you answer the questions she asks you as she goes about taking your temperature and blood pressure. One impromptu physical later, she steps away from your bed with a satisfied nod.

"Alright, it looks like your recovery is progressing better than expected. You'll probably be up and about like nothing happened within a few days." You listen to her ramble about your condition before you can bring yourself to ask.

"What happened to me? Is... Is what my sister said true? Am I an omega?"

The nurse goes silent. The pitying look she gives you is all the confirmation you need.

"You should go back to sleep for now. Your body probably still feels very weak. Food will be brought to you shortly but try not to stress yourself out in the meantime." It's all she says before she hurries to the door, shutting your questions down with a firm slam. You scramble to your feet, swaying violently as soon as you try to stand. You power through it, holding down a lurching sensation akin to being on the verge of throwing up as you stagger to the door and wrench at the knob. Locked.

Fear and worry overtake you as you start slamming your hands and body into the door, though what you're trying to accomplish, not even you know. You're too weak to even stand, let alone break down a door, and before long, cold rushes into your limbs and you find yourself sliding down onto the floor, trembling and barely keeping down the bile crawling up your throat. You curl up into a ball and close your eyes.

When you awake for the third time, you don't feel nearly as ill. The ache in your limbs is still there, a mild constant, but it doesn't feel as debilitating as it did before. As you are in the middle of waking, you feel a cool hand brushing through your hair, and smell a sweet scent around you that puts you at ease. You can't help but lean your face into the hand petting you as your eyes slowly open. Snuggled against you, both arms wrapped securely around you... is that fucking freak.

You jerk away from the home invasion leader's hand, pulling him out of what looks like a deep reverie as you scramble to the side of the bed farthest from him. He smiles at you in amusement as he sits up, leaning his cheek against a fist propped on his knee.

"Good morning, princess. How are you feeling?"

You rub your hand over your neck, now free of gauze, feeling the bite marks in your skin in hyper-detail.

"You fucking... y-you, what did you do...?!" You demand, your voice a slightly higher pitch than you recall it being and shaking.

He chuckles like this was exactly what he was expecting, looking at you with a coy condescension that makes your skin crawl.

"I helped you; the first step to setting up our beautiful romance was making you an omega so I could care for you without any power struggles getting in the way. I'm not saying I look down on alphas having relationships with other alphas, but it just wasn't for me." His grin broadens as he crawls closer to you, closing the distance you'd put between you. You try to back up further, but he corners you against the headboard, arms caging you in on either side. He leans his head down, you shrink into yourself as he does but its not far enough, and his cheek brushes yours as he licks up the side of your neck. When his tongue glides over the bites on your neck, a shudder runs through you unbidden. A sudden rush of wetness between your legs shocks you to a frozen standstill. The freak looming over you takes a deep inhale, shuddering in ecstasy.

"I was right... You smell so much sweeter like this!" He presses against you, one knee parting your legs as one of his hands rubs the burning heat between your thighs. You reach to grab his wrist and pull it away, but his free hand catches yours and holds it down. The uncomfortable wetness gets worse as a heat purrs through your core, goaded by his touching.

You feel a foreign sensation crawling through your brain, sickeningly warm and disorienting. It urges you to pull your hands away, spread yourself open willingly before the alpha in front of you. It promises bliss in submission, ecstasy in relinquishing control to someone bigger and stronger than you, someone who could protect and ravish you-

A jolt runs through you as your captor's hand drifts up to dip underneath the waistband of your pants, his face lifting up from your neck to direct his affections to your lips. His attempt to take a kiss is stopped short violently by a fist slamming into his nose. He falls backwards off the side of the bed with an undignified yelp, curling up on the floor for an agonizing moment to hold his face as blood rushes between his fingers.

"W-What the hell... Aren't you...?"

"GO TO HELL YOU UGLY FREAK!!!" The panic you feel is pushed down, rage swallowing it entirely. The alpha on the floor quickly backs up as you get to your feet, fists clenched and shaking in fury.

"But I claimed you...! You can't-"

"I don't give a shit what you did! Did you seriously think I'd tolerate you touching me?! Get the hell OUT!!!!!" You scream loud enough to make your voice hoarse in your already aching throat, grabbing anything you can to hurl at him. Pillows and plastic cups chase him out as he scrambles back to the door, muttering a promise to visit again once you're in a better mood. A pillow smacks into the door with alarming force in the spot where his head had been just a split second earlier. As for the idea of you ever being in any mood that would make you tolerate being in his presence...

Fat chance of that.

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quicksilverserpent · 7 days

Text

I dont think civilian is a coherent category. Nor a very useful one either. Not unless all youre trying to do is manipulate useful idiots in a low effort way.

If youre a settler and the foundation for your whole lifestyle and prosperity is the violent dispossession of an indigenous people you cant truly claim to be an innocent bystander to that conflict.

If youre a member of the bourgeoisie and all the various arms of the state repressive forces committing all the violence in society from the exceptionally high pitched to the everyday cruelties are doing so on your behalf to enforce the social arrangements beneficial to you then you cant actually claim youre not a participant in that war. If youre a member of the ruling class its really even more important to winning any war effort to kill you and thereby end your will your desires and critically your ability to use your many resources to make those manifest than it is to kill whatever poor gullible sap youve hired to do your bidding. And so to go say "no you cant kill me ive got immunity youve got to restrict yourself to dealing with my replaceable underlings or else youre not respectable" its just so transparently bullshit.

Insurgents really are just ordinary people like anyone wlse whove been forced by their desperate wretched circumstances to take up arms by the crushing weight of the violence of imperialism and it is wrong to single them out from the rest of population as acceptable targets for the occupation just because theyve chosen to defend themselves and their communities from it. If someone punches you and you hit back your self defense doesnt vindicate or pardon their assult it doesnt give them a permission slip to beat the shit out of you only one of you has any "right" to be violent here.

Theres no equality in a war theres always an asymmetry yes everyone has their own narratives about who is right and who is wrong but thats the thing is some narratives are just bullshit theres no need to consider them or humor that shit whats important is seeking the actual truth.

All military occupations recognize who theyre fighting thats why draining the sea to leave the fish high and dry to suffocate is so frequently used to crush insurgencies which can move with ease among the population exactly because theyre a deeply enmeshed part of it that grew grassroots from it no matter how much the oppressors deny it for propaganda purposes.

Incumbent national regimes dont make these principled distinctions between these categories when its not convenient they go and slaughter whoever they feel they need to in order to accomplish their objectives civilian is just another rhetorical weapon to be applied to everyone else's conduct not their own a do as I say not as I do type thing.

When its wrong to kill someone its never about whether or not theyre a civilian thats really just a poor articulation of what the issue actually is its lazy and its just taking advantage of a prebuilt discourse which was built largely by and for war criminals ironically.

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karin-miyoshi · 2 months

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Do you think yuyuyu is ableist?

sheesh, talk about a loaded question

definitely opens up a lot of rabbit holes. ill give my opinion, but note im not the most educated on the subject itself so giving a definite answer is outside my scope.

ill put a read below, but for me, i personally think it isnt, but can be easily misinterpreted as is on a surface level.

tldr, ableism is discrimination towards those with disabilities.

the character in question most of the time when it comes to these topics is tougou, who uses a wheelchair in season 1 due to losing function in her legs. there are never any distasteful jokes made about this, and the show constantly shows various handicap friendly services throughout the show. something even more surprising is that these are never the core focus of the scene or pointed out, its always well integrated into the world as if it were normal (important).

just skimming through s1, we have:

wheelchair assistance integration for both cars and stairs

special swim courses for the disabled, not separated from the rest of the class

beach wheelchairs and separate assistants

now while we can assume a lot of these were due to her previous service as washio sumi, i dont think that would really be fair to the production team putting these in, and it really feels like theres a lot more heart than "yeah we put these for the big shock value realization later on". even after regaining function in her legs near the end of the season, tougou's priority was always towards yuuna and her recovery.

onto the next topic, which is the show taking away and then returning these characters functions throughout. whats important to consider here is what is considered tragic, is it the characters living without these certain functions, or is it the act of losing these functions themselves?

"It'll definitely improve. I mean, we haven't done anything wrong." (Fuu, s1ep9) again, no distasteful jokes made about their disabilities, and fuu even plays it off with her sick eyepatch. her worries instead stem from the loss of itsuki's dream, in the form of her no longer being able to sing. thats the key factor here, being punished for doing what is right, losing the ability to do what you could do before, losing the memories of the time you spent with your friends. (thats another thing i see with a lot of these arguments, they always bring up physical disabilities, but ive never seen one actually talk about ones regarding memory, arguably the most precious thing to them). tougou flat out doesnt remember sonoko at all despite being comrades in arms before, and understandably freaks out that the same might happen with her and yuuna.

now, understandably, the ending to s1 seemed super rushed, and them getting their bodily functions back seemed rather sudden. this put a lot of people off, and was really only explained in s2, which many didnt watch.

people should be allowed to grieve if they lose something important to them, and should be allowed to be happy if they get it back. personally, i dont think people realize the weight of their words when they say, "oh i wish karin wouldve stayed deaf, itd be really cool to see the club members learning sign language for it" or "yuuna in a wheelchair was really cute, i wish we saw more of it." yeah its a cool idea i guess, maybe something to see while theyre stil recovering, but forever? in a chase to see more representation, i hope they realize what they are wishing onto others eventually (even if fictional). while many with disabilities are satisfied with their life, they should be able to wish for better if they wanted to, its not like theyd wish their circumstances on anyone else, right? shouldnt the same apply here, to the girls who've actually lived both with and without disabilities?

just my two cents, hope this wasnt too hard to read! theres a lot more i could write up, especially regarding sonoko, but thats a whole other discussion i should probably save for another time

#this is like a month old ask but i. h really didnt feel like answering it because of how long itd be yeah #yuyuyu #yuki yuna is a hero #yuuki yuuna wa yuusha de aru

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minkkumaz · 8 months

Note

the melon chart is over tiktok and twitter! im pretty sure if u search up “boynextdoor charting melon”. but on tiktok theres a translated version by @/sunghanbinna .. it was made 6 days ago and the view count is 441.2K, the cover video is sungho :))

the videos so cute <3

AND OO smau ideas,, for short lil smaus okag okay.

SO! (i sorta looked back on them all and they mostly seem like short fics instead of texting hcs.)

BONEDO

sungho: readers walking around the park when this random guy wouldnt stop tryna talk to them!! reader ends up telling sungho and he arrives SO fast. #iloveprotectivemen

riwoo: riwoo who sends pictures to s/o saying, “this reminded me of you :)”

jaehyun: reader finds a unnamed bouquet outside their front door, tells their bff jaehyun over text. (jaehyun pretends to be shocked, even though he sent the flowers). little does jaehyun know the reader has those doorbells that record cctv on what happens outside their house!

taesan: reader falls asleep on facetime so he texts the reader sweet words and just re-confesses his love all over again (hes WHIPPED!) before he also sleeps. (dw he’ll definitely stay on facetime!)

leehan: “leehan would you love me if i was a deadly fish virus..” (aka. would you love me if i was a worm)

woonhak: playing game pigeon with him! loser has to treat the other one to a icecream date >_<

all: bonedo boys as the readers bff, but each member has their own route(?) like for example, lets say the reader is crushing on woonhak so they tell jaehyun,leehan,sungho,taesan & riwoo abt it!!

reader: guys omg woonhak literally looked at me he wants me so bad.. 😭🙏🙏🙏

riwoo: ?

jaehyun: oh..! okay!! yeah 😅😅😅😅😅☠️😅

8TURN

myungho: hear me out on this. playing hard to get myungho, who acts uninterested whenever the reader texts him.. but recently hes been smiling a lot more on his phone whenever he sees the readers texts pop up on his notif bar!!

jaeyun: okay so, yk how when jaeyun replies to fans, his replies r just rlly funny?? IDK IF YKWIM cause i see him responding to fans and hes just so unserious LOL, but like one day sassy jaeyun and sassy reader sass eachother to no end and end up goin viral on social media for their cheeky interactions LMAO

minho: stop okay omg how about like before minho posts on twitter/instagram he asks the reader which photo they like the most >< I wanna compliment and hype him up so bad hes so GRGDHSJDJ

yoonsung: texting haemin as a joke about confessing to yoonsung with those omlette rice ketchup writings, but accidentally sending the text to yoonsung instead LMAO

haemin: his reaction when the reader buys him manchester city soccer tickets!! i wanna spoil him so bad TT

kyungmin: HIGHSCHOOL AU SNEAKING TEXTS IN BETWEEN CLASSES. theres a cellphone ban at school but he just cant resist!!

yungyu: honestly im 100% sure u have many brainrots of texting yungyu so its up to u!! but personally id love to see yungyu commenting under the readers latest insta post going like, “im better than ur bf” “give me a chance” even tho the readers already dating him. YK?

seungheon: during a 8turn concert, that the reader can’t unfortunately attend, they watch it live on like tv and the reader ends up texting seungheon during the whole performance and just gushing abt him, so like a few hours after the performance he checks his phone to see like 500+ msgs full of adoration and compliments. (he ends up getting teased by all the members hehehehehdiei)

OVERALL ANY OF THOSE IDEAS CAN BE FOR ANYONE!! when i imagine things i like to label a person on it so it can feel more real to me ><

-🍉

STOP BECAUSE WHY DO I ACTUALLY WANNA DO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE IDEAS HELLOOO fuck ur actgually so smart i'm sweating a little bit.

omg i don't even know what to respond with to all of these they're all so interesting AGHH AND THEY'RE SO FITTING

i must say i would absolutely CLEARRRRRRRRRR woonhaks ass on wordhunt like i'm genuinely the best wordhunt player known to man (debatable)

i also have to comment on the yoonsung one though THAT'S SO CUTE i lovelvoelovleioeol LOVE the trope of accidentally confessing to idols over text like i swear i eat those up for breakfast lunch and dinner, i probably will do something like that LMAOO

AND YES YUNGYU OMGAKJSHBFSKJHBF stop i just published some yungyu texts im probably gonna do an ot8 ver of slowly falling in love like i love that trope too its so ><

THANK U ANON IM IN TEARS THESE R SO ADORBALE

#∞ ₒ ˚ omi's chats #༊*·˚ anonymous peoples #🍉 anon ·˚ ༘ ✎

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pengemis-receh · 7 days

Note

Need to rant feel free to ignore :D

Have you seen the new windara poster? I'm very excited for june now, i am SHOCKED at how well the bug aliens look. Also kokotiam's armor design looks so fun and fits so well with the overall bug theme (Gopal and fang are hilarious i cackled when i saw them)

Boi's an ant and theres probably an essay someone already wrote about the meaning behind that, yaya's a lady bug and gosh she looks pretty, ying is a bee and i love the sporty look since bees are very fast bugs so it fits very well (also thank God she finally has a helmet my girl you are basically at a war protect your head dear God) it also fits better than the previously more "mage" look which.. did not make sense to me WHY she was designated that class

Fang and Gopal are Hercules beetle and rhinoceros beetle, which looks absolutely hilarious but makes sense. Again theres probably already an essay out there about the significance of each bug that has been designated for each kokotaim member so i won't bother you on that (though the research is fascinating and i highly recommend!)

Now.. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ...

Consumers. Kindly. SHUT UPPP

Kritics are getting WAY too comfortable, we get it its not based on the comics designs. Infact i'd argue its better since the comics are literally just them with armor. In a bug planet. They have armor. For. Humans. That LOOK human, with the exception of Fang's but do you realize how nonsensical that sounds?

Also we were already told there were going to be changes in the story and design. The creators were very open on that, you don't like the 3d animation design? Great! You have a preference, sure; fantastic happy for you, we have our opinions so kindly. Shut up :D

Look kritics are normal i am not dissing on that, i'm more on people being mad that kokotiam doesn't look as "pretty" or "cool" or whatever and all i can say is. ARMOR IS FOR PRACTICALITY NOT LOOK POINTS WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE ONNNNNNNN

Also adapting a 2d design from a comic to a 3d design is HARD (trust me, blender i both love and hate you) thats not even counting ANIMATING it, you hate the 3d version? Well boi do i have good news for you that theres a 2d version :D its in the comics thats FREE for you to read on webtoon.

There wasn't even supposed to BE a galaxy season 2, there was no preparation for it ehich is why the comics are so different than the status quo. They took risks because there was never a plan for an animated version. So the fact we're getting anything at all for FREE mind you is a BLESSING

You can kritic sure yeah thats fine but use at least polite wording. These are people thats working on these things not your slave.

DON'T JUST SPEW NEGATIVITY AROUND LIKE ITS NOTHING. YOUR RUINING THE FUN FOR EVERYONE; THOSE WHO DIDN'T MIND THE DESIGN CHOICE, THOSE WHO JUST WANNA HAVE FUN, THOSE WHO ARE ENJOYING BBB JUST AS IS.

You have a specific design or writing that cater to you or you enjoy more? Do it yourself :D

Grab a pencil and start writing/sketching. HAVE FUN, you may not like it but not everyone is like that. There are those who like it, there are those who don't mind, there are those who understand that its not easy to create an adaptation.

Moreover the comics and show have very different audiences. Look at the difference between movie 2 and its comic, you can see that some scenes were either soften up or cut entirely because what audience it caters too more

If you want a more serious and emotionally mature view you can go read the comics (they are fantastic btw! Highly recommend movie 2 and the compilations)

Take a deep breath and think for a second. Is this kritic important? Is there an ACTUAL issue with this design choice? Will there be people who feel hurt by your words?

Anyway how was your ramadan and eid? Did you have fun :D ?

ALLAHUAKBAR ANON 🤣🤣

I can feel your emotions went turmoil in your long essay and yet still managed to end it with a smile. Of course I could not ignore yours anon😅

Have you seen the new windara poster?

Definitely~~ :3

The poster fire af!!!!!!!! It packed from top to bottom!

(oooooh I'm scared yet excited for the fully animated version of Beliung omgggg >_<)

I'm very excited for june now, i am SHOCKED at how well the bug aliens look. Also kokotiam's armor design looks so fun and fits so well with the overall bug theme (Gopal and fang are hilarious i cackled when i saw them)

Fang and Gopal are Hercules beetle and rhinoceros beetle, which looks absolutely hilarious but makes sense. Again theres probably already an essay out there about the significance of each bug that has been designated for each kokotaim member so I won't bother you on that (though the research is fascinating and I highly recommend)

My biggest spotlight of all for me was how they reimagine the adult characters since well to be fair it has been uhh.... six years ago we had more than a few we had since movie 2? (Sori only had Gaharum and....uuuhh the trio lobster guys that I forgot what their names were in the tv ver :/)

And yes anon. The lady bug, Maripos, General Reramos and Princess Kuputeri. That number alone is a big step up from Sori. We also need to mention the army below in the poster. I highly appreciate they risking themselves by involving more characters like in Galaxy season 1.

To my suprise, I really looove Maripos in this ver. 😘🤌

Wait there's an essay behind Kokotaim's suit? Can I see???👀👀

Now.. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ... Consumers. Kindly. SHUT UPPP Kritics are getting WAY too comfortable, we get it its not based on the comics designs. Infact i'd argue its better since the comics are literally just them with armor. In a bug planet. They have armor. For. Humans. That LOOK human, with the exception of Fang's but do you realize how nonsensical that sounds? Also we were already told there were going to be changes in the story and design. The creators were very open on that, you don't like the 3d animation design? Great! You have a preference, sure; fantastic happy for you, we have our opinions so kindly. Shut up :D Look kritics are normal i am not dissing on that, i'm more on people being mad that kokotiam doesn't look as "pretty" or "cool" or whatever and all i can say is. ARMOR IS FOR PRACTICALITY NOT LOOK POINTS WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE ONNNNNNNN Also adapting a 2d design from a comic to a 3d design is HARD (trust me, blender i both love and hate you) thats not even counting ANIMATING it, you hate the 3d version? Well boi do i have good news for you that theres a 2d version :D its in the comics thats FREE for you to read on webtoon. There wasn't even supposed to BE a galaxy season 2, there was no preparation for it ehich is why the comics are so different than the status quo. They took risks because there was never a plan for an animated version. So the fact we're getting anything at all for FREE mind you is a BLESSING You can kritic sure yeah thats fine but use at least polite wording. These are people thats working on these things not your slave. DON'T JUST SPEW NEGATIVITY AROUND LIKE ITS NOTHING. YOUR RUINING THE FUN FOR EVERYONE; THOSE WHO DIDN'T MIND THE DESIGN CHOICE, THOSE WHO JUST WANNA HAVE FUN, THOSE WHO ARE ENJOYING BBB JUST AS IS. You have a specific design or writing that cater to you or you enjoy more? Do it yourself :D Grab a pencil and start writing/sketching. HAVE FUN, you may not like it but not everyone is like that. There are those who like it, there are those who don't mind, there are those who understand that its not easy to create an adaptation. Moreover the comics and show have very different audiences. Look at the difference between movie 2 and its comic, you can see that some scenes were either soften up or cut entirely because what audience it caters too more If you want a more serious and emotionally mature view you can go read the comics (they are fantastic btw! Highly recommend movie 2 and the compilations) Take a deep breath and think for a second. Is this kritic important? Is there an ACTUAL issue with this design choice? Will there be people who feel hurt by your words?

ANON CALM DOWN

I absolutely understand your feeling, sister/brother. 😅

I think I already written an essay, twice. Either if it's your ask box or not I'm just gonna put it here

and here.

My version gonna be a bit different from yours, so bear with me anon. Every perspective from each individual is still counted as subjective, no matter how objective they are, including myself.

Ehem.

Me personally... I'm on both sides of the group. I can understand why some people are angry about the suit design because I'm gonna be honest, even tho there were two different media between the comic and the tv/movie, staying in the source material without changing anything is essential to any adaptation series.

So the way people are furious with it. I can see where are they come from.

'The Kokotiam armor suit is heavily different than the comic ver?' Valid; 'Still use the chubbier render ver from Sori when this arc starts to get darker?' Valid.

And other takes that I obviously ignore since that were just beyond logic. I kid you not, anon. When they posted it the first time, my instinct was muting all words related to Boboiboy or spending my timeline with another topic. Because your frustration was my biggest worry that came true.

But at the same time, not many franchise could do the same strategy. Sometimes, refurbishing them without losing the source material could also work WITH extra proper care and permission from many parties. Because this tactic is such a gamble to please anyone. I also highly recommend studying the story behind the redesign of Sonic Movie 2020, Pre-Launch-Post Launch, and the impact on its linked franchises.

(Well to be fair the MCU franchise starting from Spiderman 1 was also a good topic to study)

So my bet is...maybe Monsta doing the latter strategy. It is risky for sure, I can guarantee that when they published it on YouTube since og era. But I can see the reason for their decision. Designing a proper armor for their planet's theme is genius tho. Big bonus to differentiate each bug for Kokotiam's gang that has meaning to them.

(Were they attempted to make Bug's Life in Boboiboy series? Lol😅)

Critics aside, people need to know, that even tho the comic looks dope as heck, Boboiboy's first release was on the screen, not on the paper. The screen audience within SEA is waaaay higher than the comic enthusiast. Therefore comics, in this case, is a fan service. You don't need to know the details, but you might get curious to search behind the scenes further.

(That's what I do after I finished Sori btw.)

There are advantages & disadvantages of Monsta releasing the second season comic first before the animated ver. The launch of the Mechamato series and Galaxy 2nd season may or may not help Monsta during the pandemic. Monsta's mini-series about covid awareness also helped them to survive.

Yet, people treat the Boboiboy franchise now are kinda similar to how people demanded things from an animated series that adapted from the manga. Which... Uuuh a bit unhealthy to be honest.

But again as I said before, at the end of the day, criticism especially from the internet always wants what they ask, not what the creators want.

This is also the reason for my decision to not meddle my interest further on the internet. The damaged left me a scar from my previous fandom that I'm at this point I'm toooo lazy to engage more in the community.

(But that doesn't mean I don't like the franchise anymore tho. I still love it af)

Anyway how was your ramadan and eid? Did you have fun :D ?

Alhamdulillah anon! My schedule really packed pre-during-and post Ramadhan!

I went to two towns for "mudik" tradition before and after ramadhan for the first time after the pandemic! (for outdonesian or maybe outside of malaysian as well, it's like a Christmas gathering at grandparent's house... I guess(?)).

It was such a wholesome trip for sure! but boy I did need some time to adjust too(It was a challenging ride if you have a place at the mountains🤢)

My ramadhan month was also busy with working as a part-time job at my family stand. It is tough to sell things that were really not on the most target wanted.

But Allhamdulillah most of them were sold! I'm soo relieved! 😆😆

And because it was a holy month, I really need to take a rest from any social media. I still use them honestly, but not as many as before.

Now I'm struggling to get my drawing and writing enthusiasm back.

Hope you also had a wonderful ramadhan too, Anon!😆👍

#boboiboy #boboiboy galaxy #bbbglxs2 #menjawab anon #Imo I would love if the girls outfit from the poster still has some attire from the comic ver.#for instance #Ying's final ver + the cape. That's so fire.#buuuut on the second thought it kinda look like to Kuputeri #how about Yaya? hmm...to be fair she might be the one who almost has the resemblance of the book?#aside from the obvious antenna of course. But overall It looks the same for me and I'm fine with it #aside of that.#that arabic sentence of “Bismillahir-rahmanir-rahim” caught me lmao #oh yeah I might or might not have a plan to visit my grandparents house shortly #also because nowadays I am super lazy to write long on my laptop so I need a smaller keyboard that is compact with my phone.#so yeah. there's that.#apologies for my late reply anon #Uuuuuuh I have so many ideas for my 319 and other AU as well yet I may have writer's block :'/

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paganposting · 11 months

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Hey! Sorry for the question, but I was wondering where to find resources on getting into druidry/how to find a grove? I noticed you suggested not doing looking online—another thing I wondered was if it was a closed practice?

alright so this might be a long answer

i'll answer the second question first- is druidry a closed practice?

theres debate but the consensus is largely that no, it is not closed. some argue that it is semi-closed in the sense that it must be practiced only by people who have done tons of research and study on celtic history if they aren't celtic. i personally dont love this idea much, several members of my grove practice multiple religions alongside druidry like judaism or indigenous american religions. i dont feel like they should have this extra burden of proving their dedication essentially for not being white 🤷‍♂️

now- how to find a grove

first you need to know what type of druidry you are interested in. there are two main large druid organizations that i'm aware of

1) OBOD (Order of Bards Ovates and Druids)

this group is largely neopagan, focuses on welsh and british traditions, and draws heavily from arthurian mythology- although i believe their new president is an Irish woman so we'll see how that influences the order. they have a website where you can find a chapter near you.

2) ADF (Ár nDraíocht Féin or A Druid Fellowship)

this group is largely revivalist/ reconstructionist, focuses on irish traditions, and draws heavily from irish mythology. they also have a website where you can find a chapter near you.

outside of those there are of course independent groves. thats what im part of! these are more difficult to find, i would probably begin my search for one on facebook and asking around local witchy shops. lots of these groups are more informal and dont have a specific website. the advice to steer away from the internet is because you will find a lot of snake oil salesmen unfortunately.

one online source i do really highly recommend is the irish pagan school. they offer courses and online classes and guided meditations that are all extremely thorough and led by indigenous irish people. they're also launching the ogham academy which is super cool if that's something you're interested in!

for the most part youre just going to have to show up in person to a lot of places until you find somewhere that fits. also, dont be afraid of being the only druid in a different pagan group if you like that community and theyre willing to have you! i personally think that having a strong community is more important than being in a druids only club lmao

hope that helps!!!

#answered

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accidentallyadoptedbybatman · 2 years

Text

cause its pride im posting my (current) batfam headcanons and any bigotry on my page will be blocked we don’t discriminate here

bruce: bisexual and cis he/him but he sometimes wears makeup (it covers the bags and makes his eyes look pretty)

dick: pansexual and identifies as genderfluid, he uses all the pronouns (masculine but he wears whatever they feels like wearing and uses whatever pronouns she feels each day the batfam check via message or at breakfast each morning)

jason: bisexual with a preference to women and he identifies as male (transgender) he/him (he still likes crops, eyeliner and similar stuff)

cass: the badass lesbian part 2 (kate is part 1, cass is canonically one of the strongest batfam members she’s badass, this didn’t affect how i hc her as lesbian in anyway) and she doesnt understand gender but they use she/they cause they feel right (there was a moment where the fam tried to explain but she never got it. i say this cause cass was raised as a weapon to kill she wasn’t even taught how to read and write so i doubt anyone taught her about stereotypical gender norms or similar things)

tim: you know my boys a canon bisexual and he really doesnt care what pronouns you use for him or how they dress (“no there are cases to solve fuck gender”)

duke: questioning and identifies as cis he/him pronouns (he thought he likes girls but theres a few boys in his classes who are starting to look really attractive)

steph: sapphic and identifies as female (transgender) she/her pronouns(she sticks to masculine clothes tho because “they’re more comfy than skirts and they make my arms looks great tim”)

damian: demi, aroace, pan and he just doesn’t get society’s big deal with gender but he uses he/him pronouns(he doesn’t understand any appeal of sex or romance but he thinks he’d like a partner in the future but more queerplatonic. As for gender he doesn’t understand how someones gender affects them “what do you mean father hows the fact they’re male, female, genderqueer, or trans going to affect me when i fight them??” again raised to kill people without mercy while he may of had a little explaination on stereotypical gender norms and etc i doubt it was the main part of his education when he were with the League of Assassins)

edit: i had to further explain some of my points cause someone thought i was being bigoted and fetishising trans people cause of the wording ‘preferences women and transgender he/him’ i didnt mean he preferenes trans men those were my headcanons for his gender and his pronouns. if anyone finds any other problems like this please tell me i have no intent to bigot or fetishise anyone.

feel free to add these or give your own opinions as long as you keep it polite

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ilostcustody21 · 7 months

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ok here's my thoughts on jawan but first things first i do understand that this movie is also basically a love letter to srk's past filmography and theres so many things that could be covered with more nuance but this is just my personal take because its my blog

it is pretty disappointing that no other characters really get the limelight other than serving purpose as a plot device (i mean duh this is a movie dedicated to srk) and it could definitely tap more into the whole incarceration system disproportionately targeting members of the oppressed class aka dalits/adivasis and those in poverty but it does really make every woman seem virtuous and yet perfect but still victims (who do still get their own agency in the end even if its confined to being in prison) which is kind of.. idk mother maryfication makes me uncomfortable but then again none of the protagonists really are flawed. violence and terrorism aside.

i do wish we could have explored more of azaad's psyche which i do feel like they tried to attempt with the whole "question who you vote for in the elections" sermon where he was bitter about having to grow up injusticed but having to eventually become part of the system which caused him all that pain (though i guess thats also cause its part of his bigger plan) also wheres the rage? wheres the fucking rage? wheres all the rage? there should be more rage. or maybe im too bloodthirsty. speaking of rage - since this movie is about generational trauma it would have been very interesting if they involved alia (kalee's daughter) more so in the plot and parallels her own father, how she suffers for his actions or inactions aside from just getting hostaged that one time at the start of the movie due to the virtue of them sharing the same blood. same kin. in my opinion she should die too though lol

also the sermon was really naive, idealistic even for saying that vigilantism wouldnt be a thing if people protested and questioned the people who were running for the elections instead of falling for propaganda which is stupid because everytime theres a peaceful protest there will always be state violence enacted. its a system thats doomed to cannibalise itself and he knows it as well being born in incarceration so why did he say all that? im guessing theres a practical reason though so that millions of superfans wont get themselves killed trying to imitate the same type of vigilantism portrayed in the main movie.

also its really funny seeing how vikram rathore is kinda still kind of a psychopath even after regaining his memories but thats probably cause his brain injuries just left him a different man. (answering my own questions yet again)

overall i really liked the movie, it was like i was watching a live action of an action anime. i LOVE the fight choreographies. its so beautiful. chefs kiss send my regards. i really love that this really is a love letter for srk because he somehow possesses both the masculine and feminine at the same time. dont know how else to describe it. he's morally grey like his earlier works, he has his loverboy moments like his later iconic movies, he has his badass moments mirroring what elevated him from stardom to superstardom. so yeah i can get behind all my current criticism because it is a srk movie before it is a movie that aims to tell a story.

#jawan spoilers idk in case if anyone searching this tag didnt watch the movie first #i should check atlee's other movies as well i REALLY liked this

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beanjuicemusings · 1 year

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headcanon rapid fire because. i wanna post stuff about different muses and don't wanna spam your dash with multiple headcanon posts

under a read more bc. theres a lot.

itto, despite having coped well with how his life has been for the most part, has abandonment issues he won't even admit to. thankfully, the people he cares about aren't planning on leaving him any time soon, but there have been times when one of his gang members had to go off somewhere without telling him and he panicked more than you'd expect. he tried to play it off as him worrying about their safety, but that didn't exactly fly when it was shinobu who was gone.

collei is in a rough situation of being both touch starved and also being triggered by physical contact. this is where stuffed toys, especially cullein-anbar come in. even if she's not using her toy for attacks, she's using it for comfort, often holding it in her arms and cuddling it when she has the chance to.

blue has seen pretty much every canon (at least main-game) region at one point. why? well, he and red have been on a world tour at one point to see everywhere they could. this happened not long after he made up with his rival.

bede has a major sweet tooth, but he also likes caffeine far too much for someone of his age. whether he's drinking energy drinks or soda or overly-sweetened tea or coffee, he's usually drinking SOMETHING sweet and caffeine-laden. possibly is self-medicating for issues rose never got him checked out for.

avery could potentially develop his psychic powers more, and is actually working on it, but his powers are more accurately specialized differently than most of his family. while his family has flashy powers like teleportation and super strong telekinesis and creating illusions, avery's naturally better at more subdued stuff like understanding pokemon's thoughts (as well as generally being empathic in the psychic sense) and occasionally getting precognitive dreams. this does not help his self loathing about not being good enough.

brassius often likes taking long walks to get inspiration, sometimes in very odd places. if you find him in some far-reaching part of paldea where hardly anyone is, or just anywhere he logically wouldn't be normally? he's probably just trying to get ideas for his next work of art.

iono has major empathy issues, specifically in the sense of not being able to feel what others are feeling in an emotional sense. still, she's trying! one thing that's personally helped her is relying more on cognitive empathy than the typical emotional empathy that most have. while she's still not the best at it, and often has to take a step back to think through what her and others are feeling, it's at least helped her from being TOO much of a jerk.

grusha has osteoarthritis in quite a few joints from his accident, as well as some nerve issues that come from those joints being damaged. it's worst in his knees and his right shoulder. some of his fellow gym leaders have tried convincing him to move his gym operations elsewhere for the sake of his chronic pain, but unfortunately, grusha is nothing if not stubborn.

dendra didn't actually plan on going into teaching in classes! she had initially planned on becoming more of a personal battle tutor, teaching more one-on-one lessons. but hearing miriam talk so enthusiastically about teaching classes made her realize she could create more of a change by teaching an entire class at once. she's still struggling to stay on a time schedule with her classes, though, as she always figured she could fit in more time if need be. but the academy ain't having that!

jotaro has always struggled with opening up to people, but it only got worse after the incident in egypt. he'll often close up all emotions from others until it gets to a tipping point and he breaks down. he'll try to hide these breakdowns from others, but if you're close enough to him, he'll often hold them back until he can be in private with you. hardly anyone has this trust from him, though.

mikitaka has VERY poor coordination. stumbling, struggling with fine movements, and running face-first into things aren't uncommon for him. if asked to explain himself on this, if you're in on his little secret, he'll admit it's because he's still not used to his human form. and regularly transforming into other things means he has fewer chances to practice his motor control.

fugo often has bad depression bouts after his worst anger outbursts. he'll often blame himself for whatever he did, even if it was justified or if he managed to reign himself in, and there's a lot of negative self-talk, including calling himself a monster. team bucciarati often helped him with these. in times after he left them? he really doesn't know what to do on his own.

melone's sleep schedule is WAY off-kilter. between drug use and general unmedicated mental health conditions, he sometimes stays up for multiple days at a time before sleeping for 12 or more hours multiple days in a row. he claims he doesn't see any issue with it since he's so productive on his sleepless nights, but he does wish he knew ways to get out of that loop.

doppio is actually very physically affectionate if you're close to him and have his permission! the question though, is who, if anyone, is close enough for him to do that? the answer is, as of now, nobody. so usually he'll just cuddle pillows at night to compensate for wanting that physical affection.

diavolo has only felt love once. he hasn't even felt it for his own family, whether his father or his daughter. but donatella was the one person he regretted having to turn on. the one person he regretted losing. this is the only reason he abandoned her instead of killing her. he couldn't take away the one good thing from the world, in his mind, even if he still felt he couldn't let her into his inner world.

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winterdusktales · 1 year

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man i really thought the dynamic of the three leads in oasis would be somewhat similar to the three leads in chicago typewriter or my country. well at least that's what the first few eps seemed to be going for

but it became just one of those many annoying kdrama love triangles bcs of the 2nd lead. idek where the plot is going atp

i still like the drama tho. cuz im a sucker for angst no matter how frustrating it gets. and i dont rlly mind where the plot goes. i just wish the three leads maintained their unbreakable bond no matter how complicated their circumstances turn out

like with the 2nd male leads in chicago typewriter and my country, as frustrating as it may be, i still understood why they had to make the choices they made. i wouldnt defend them but i get them. i loooove the 2nd lead in chicago typewriter no matter what and the three leads are still among my top fav kdrama trios. i hated the 2nd lead in my country but i get why he had to turn to the bad side. like theres an actual depth in his characterization

but with cheolwoong its rlly just immaturity, jealousy, and insecurity.

(get ready for a cheolwoong hate essay)

hes still the same highschool boy who would come home crying bcs doohak ranked 1st on top of the whole class. the same boy who was competing "fair and square" to win the heart of their highschool crush. the same boy who would make other ppl do the dirty work for him cuz hes a pretentious coward

the way he is so ready to throw away his lifelong brotherhood with doohak for his highschool crush who he knew for a few yrs and who never even led him on to make him think he has any chance with her

the doohak who he called his hyung his entire life. the doohak who did everything he told him to until highschool. the doohak who would fight his fights. the doohak who /involuntarily/ went to prison for a crime HE COMMITTED just bcs he begged him to tho he knew it would ruin doohaks life. like id be so ashamed to even show up in front of him. if he asks for something, id do it right away without considering it as a payment for my debt cuz nothing could make up for what doohak had to go through bcs of me

not to mention doohak also singlehandedly saved him (again... for the nth time) against that group of college students without any help from anyone

he couldnt even make up his mind if he wishes to save or betray doohak like how he remained neutral with the student activists vs gov thing in his college days. like if ure gonna be the bad guy, just be the bad guy and let me hate u entirely

like u can tell he still cares for doohak (reason why i thought theyd have this unbreakable brotherhood even when they act like enemies in front of eo but theyd come running to save eo when needed to cuz they know deep down they love eo like the male leads in the 2 dramas i mentioned above) but i guess he doesnt care for him enough to let him be happy after all those years of suffering (which he caused)

doohaks friendship with his gang members is even more precious than theirs. like i would trust any of the gang members with doohaks life but not cheolwoong

also the lack of self awareness??? he always brings up doohaks flaws when hes actually way worse

anyway i hope the writers dont give him redemption arc just for the sake of giving everyone a good ending. i want him miserable and i want to hate him until the end. when he finds out the truth abt his birth, i want him IN SEVERE PAIN. i want him to be so ashamed to even go near doohak. on top of that, i want jungshin cutting him off her life for good and giving him the same disgusted face she gave doohak when she found out hes part of a gang. I WANT HIM SUFFERING

and give doohak and jungshin their happy ending ffs! they literally just want a peaceful life together without all these makjang drama. theyve been through soooo much since they were young and until now. enough is enough

#just wanted to let this off my chest #not dropping the drama tho #tho its tempting to drop it and make my own ending in my head #but i watched it for dongyoon and seorina so im staying for them #their characters are still the best thing in the drama after all #kdrama #jang dongyoon #jang dong yoon #seorina #seol inah #seol in ah #oasis #kbs oasis #idk their official tags here so #jana watches

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tacittherapist · 1 year

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Lalonde Live: Episode 2

Hello Paradox Space! I’m Rose Lalonde, and welcome to the second episode of Lalonde Live. On this show, we interview various Paradox Space denizens and ask them deep, provocative questions about various topics. By which I mean this is a convenient excuse to have people over and make conversation. Tonight’s guest: Jade Curie Harley! (@greensungnostic)

[There’s a raucous noise from a nearby band of salamanders and newts. They have no idea how to play the instruments they’ve been given.]

ROSE: How are you, Jade? How was the flight in? JADE: hi rose, miss radio lady! the flight in from across the ship went well, but boy are my arms tired!! heeheehee... ROSE: Haha, lovely as always, Miss Harley. So Jade, do you mind if I call you Jade? Jade, tell me, how long have you been voyaging on this magnificent ship here? JADE: jade is just fine! gosh, ummm... well, due to the nature of paradox space having some wobbly temporospatial elements, its hard to say exactly, but lets put it at... jeez, a bit over a decade! ROSE: Incredible, that takes some perseverance. Just how big is this ship, anyway? I'd wager smaller than a deluxe cruise liner, right? Perhaps a caravel class? Or a battleship? JADE: well, originally it was a carapacian-made battleship from prospit, though i actually upscaled it a good bit with my powers to make beautifying it easier and have more space to work with! ROSE: It does seem like something from a fantastical storybook -- not fantastic, mind you, fantastical. Now Jade, I've heard rumors that this ship's course has changed recently, is that true? JADE: i tried to give it a nice spacious fantastical feel where anyone can find a spot they find cozy :) JADE: oh! yes uhm, weve been searching for ages for the missing members of our session, so we can reunite with our friends, and it sounds like maybe we have finally found them...?? ROSE: Wow! That sounds like a reunion for the ages. Obviously I know -- you know -- both of us know -- we all know who those friends are, but could you list them for the folks back home? JADE: (rose, who exactly is our audience again here?) gosh uhm, theres a lot! our contact is with one karkat vantas, theres a strider who very well may be named dove, theres terezi pyrope and vriska serket, there... MIGHT? be a gamzee makara, and... uhm, theres kanaya maryam ROSE: An all-star cast! You must be excited to meet up with them, hm? JADE: of course! if i wasnt eager to see my friends again i would not have spent all this time looking for them all! ROSE: You know, after all this time it might be hard to remember some details so... mind regaling us with your fondest memory of each of them? JADE: gosh thats a long list of people, but i will try! where would you like me to start?? ROSE: Top to bottom's just fine. Karkat, D. Strider, Terezi, Vriska, (tentatively) Gamzee, and then Kanaya, please. JADE: hmm, well... karkat and i never got on the best, but it was always funny reading the crabby getting crabby and stumbling around over passwords while trying to avoid causal spoilers or temporal shenanigans! JADE: strider, we always used to goof around talking about the silliest things, and sometimes we would send each other music the other made to listen and remix them! but our whole base friend group did that, heheh JADE: terezi is a pest but i mean that affectionately! she liked to bug me and pick at me and the rest of us, but under all the menace i think she is good :) JADE: vriska is a butt who i am pretty sure caused me to have narcolepsy, but she could also he kind of cool sometimes! she didnt talk to me as much as others though... JADE: gamzee... uhm. can i pass on this one and just say that kanaya always seemed really nice and like i wanted to compare gardens with her and talk about space and art and things like that?? ROSE: Aha, that's quite a collection of memories! I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm sure excited to see what happens at this reunion. Maybe we'll get to see a bit of that famous Harley-Vantas bickering in the flesh? Now, are there any special considerations you've taken as you get closer and closer to their coordinates? JADE: well um... it sounds like they have been eating pretty poorly for a while and probably are super fed up with their current accommodations, so i made sure that plenty of food is ready for them, starting with simpler things to help them get used to proper stuff again, then more complex and nutritious things afterwards! also plenty of space to deck out for themselves, and... well, im ready to get either yelled at or hugged or whatever else as the case may be :x ROSE: A bit like waiting for your marks after a test, right? Aha, so. What's next for Jade Harley and her ship of dreams after the reunion? JADE: well, it will be a big step towards being able to work towards finally finishing sburb, though our journey is not over yet! there are still three people to collect at least, from our scratched counterpart timeline! and possibly a fourth! we have one at least, but we need the rest of our dancestors and some of their materials to be able to finish still! ROSE: Fascinating stuff. Who are those people, exactly? (For those of you at home, these are our counterparts made of a different combination of the same ectoslime that made us.) JADE: well we already have jane crocker! we revived her out of a dream bubble after things went south, but she would have to fill you in on the details! we are still missing dirk, who is doves sibling/parent/sibling/offspring, uhhh jake who is my kid grandpa and also my childhood penpal, and roxy who is your mom-daughter, love... im sure this wont get confusing! JADE: and i hear there is a chaaaance we might wind up picking up a cherub girl named callie? ive met versions of her, she is very nice :) ROSE: My my, care not to tease our poor audience back at home, dear! There are only so many names you can drop before this becomes a marketing ploy. ROSE: Now, this one might be a bit difficult, but: what has been your biggest challenge thus far? JADE: jeez thats.... a tough question, rose! uhm.... loneliness? worry that we might never find them, or that they didnt want to be found or wouldnt care anymore when we did or be mad that the original meeting didn't work right or that they were somehow just all gone.... ROSE: Wow... you heard it here first, my friends. Jade Curie Harley: part dog, part god... all human. Don't worry Jade, I know we'll be rooting for you, isn't that right Casey and the Crew?

[There's a mis-timed rimshot from the band.]

ROSE: Now, before we go, I have just one last question. Is there anything... you have to say to the folks at home and our lovely studio audience?

[She gestures to the rest of the living room, their assortment of Squiddles sitting on cushions facing them. There's a burp from the consorts nearby, and a random snare drum beat.]

JADE: uhhmm... lets see. remember to be kind to yourself and others, that there is always something worth fighting for, and most importantly.... awoooooooooooooooooooo!!! ROSE: Awwwoooooooooooooo!! Aha, thank you so much, Jade, for being here with us tonight. A big round of applause for her, everyone!

#Lalonde Live

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rivetgoth · 1 year

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fr i know reddit is like a giant cauldron full of poison but if u go on any of the misogynistic "mens rights" subreddits theres a HUGE amount of trans guys

Yeah like. Idk, there has been much better writing on this by more eloquent experienced theorists and activists but it is an undeniable truth about marginalized identity that certain groups will develop this mindset that they were entitled to some form of privilege that they were denied— Usually in the form of the initial mindset being “if I’d just been born in the oppressor class I’d be afforded the privilege that rightfully should have been mine.” I think this is an understandable and complex instinctive response to oppression but the issue is that lots of people don’t work to uninternalize and work through these things and try to think critically about this first-instinct response. Because it is extremely fucking toxic to hinge your worth not on the desire for equality but on the desire for PRIVILEGE and more than anything it ends up coming out via attempts at punching down at other marginalized groups in order to feel superior and regain some of that perceived owed privilege.

Cis women do this as transmisogynists who implicitly or explicitly are functioning under the belief that had they just been born male they would be afforded the privilege they’re rightfully owed. White gays do this under the pretense that had they just been born straight they’d be owed some form of privilege and it usually comes out as very obvious racism, often towards nonwhite members of their own community. It’s a common mindset in incel spaces among incels who feel that they are at some uncontrollable disadvantage that makes them feel inferior to other men and entitled to some sort of privilege they were denied. And trans men FUCKING DO THIS ALL THE TIME TOO. It’s so fucking easy as dysphoric trans men living in patriarchal cultures to see the privilege often afforded to our cis counterparts and feel that we missed out on something, that their privilege is something we should have been given and were denied for reasons outside of our control.

And they’re right, in a way, right? Like, if I’d been born a cis man I would probably have very different opportunities in some ways than as a trans man. But like, one of the reasons this whole mindset is still a very privileged one that leads to isolating at best and outright targeting at worst other marginalized people is that it leaves no room for intersectionality at all. The idea that a gay man is afforded privilege for being a man that was denied purely due to his sexuality becomes a moot point if you’re also black, or trans, or a woman. For example. It also leads to a really nasty assimilationist “you’re making us look bad whereas I’m the shining example of being as close to normal as possible” mindsets a lot of the time. Andddd it is straight up counterproductive to any move towards actual equal rights for anyone because it’s continuing to uphold systemic inequality and oppressor/oppressed classes, with the goal of marginalized people being to BE an oppressor class, rather than to dismantle them.

So like. Yeah. Trans men have this massive fucking issue of just seething over the fact that they are not afforded the privilege that [white, straight, gender conforming, able bodied, thin, etc] cis men have. I get it. I think a lot of trans men really struggle with self acceptance and it comes out as both self destruction and tearing down others. It’s the root of a lot of the really aggressive truscum types IME, like read between the lines and you can almost always identify the actual root of their anger is that they are insecure about themselves and are projecting that onto others. I say that as a dysphoric trans man who has been in those spaces and has at points in my life sympathized a lot with some of them. A lot of it is born from insecurity and I think that’s quite normal for a marginalized person, especially a young one and especially one dealing with dysphoria at the same time. I also think it’s bullshit to make this a foundation of your theoretical discussions on the marginalization that we face or to allow it to go unchecked just because we are oppressed though. I think spending even a few seconds in any trans man-dominated community makes it very obvious that there is a glaring issue of unchecked bigotry towards other groups and replication of toxic masculinity happening. I have seen so many posts on FTM subreddits that boil down to “women are so shallow for not wanting to fuck me” and/or “if I’d just been born cis then women would want to fuck me.” There is a lot of completely unnecessary hostility towards trans women including very frequent accusation that trans women somehow have it easier than us, usually due to “visibility.” To be blunt I think basing privilege on how “visible” an identity is in the mainstream is like, a thirteen year old’s concept of marginalization and privilege/oppression dynamics and has no bearing on the workings of the world whatsoever.

I am critical of the trans guy community because as a guy who has been dysphoric my whole life, grew up closeted in a very conservative area, was called slurs through my teenage years, transitioned as a young adult after an incredible amount of strife from family, as a trans guy who is openly bisexual and kinky and weird and gender nonconforming, who is non-op and has PIV sex and wears makeup and jewelry with a beard and a flat chest, who has been involved in the IRL queer community for years and whose friends are almost entirely trans people and crossdressers and drag kings and queens and weird kinky gays of all types, I am NOT keen on the way so many of us allow this victim complex “life is so unfair to me” ass mindset to inundate trans man spaces and destroy our solidarity with other groups and each other. I do not think dysphoria or oppression or internalized or external transphobia or whatever is an excuse for punching laterally or down. I think trans women are our closest and most crucial allies in our fight for equality and autonomy and I see them as my sisters and friends. I have fought hard to be proud of who I am as a trans man in a way that hopefully does not knock down anybody else and I do not understand why we can’t talk about our pain or the nuances of our oppression and marginalization without it turning into a game of “who has it worse” and becoming volatile towards other groups of vulnerable people.

And like. I don’t appreciate the fact that I as a trans man complaining and disagreeing briefly about the wording of a popular post made by another trans man on my own blog, with the username of the other guy cropped, turned into bitchy ass online trans guys telling me I have poor reading comprehension and don’t know how to form a real argument. As if it’s my job as a trans guy to fucking write a goddamn manifesto any time I wanna say “I think this is dumb” on my own damn blog about INCREDIBLY niche insular intracommunity discourse. Like how are y’all fighting for our rights and voices when a fellow trans guy so much as saying “this is stupid” in the context of explicitly defending trans women on a post is enough to warrant waking up to like half a dozen guys throwing a fit in my notifications about how I’m a self-hating trans man who needs to word my 30 second complaints better if I ever want to be taken seriously and not face some imaginary online social ostracization.

Idk. Obviously getting off topic but yeah. I have not and never will feel very accepted in trans guy spaces nor do I like the way so many trans guy spaces allow their members to talk about other groups. I stopped using r/FTM after I made a post on there asking that people curb their weird biphobic posts about how they don’t want to date bisexual people because it would make them feel like they aren’t real men (SUPER common sentiment on there) and I had my notifications inundated with guys mansplaining dysphoria and internalized transphobia to me like that’s a fucking excuse for constantly suggesting that bisexuals are shallow sex-obsessed transphobic whores or whatever and some even accusing me of “being bitter that they don’t want to fuck me” as if I’m not a fucking bisexual trans man asking people to just like. Check themselves and their biases sometimes. Like Jesus. I feel like so many trans male-dominated spaces are just so filled with misery and entitlement and a willingness to eat each other and other marginalized groups alive. Even the fact that you can’t step foot into lots of FTM spaces without a ton of posts shitting on DI scars or phallo results OR shitting on guys who DON’T get either surgeries just feels ridiculous. Like what are we doing. Where is the solidarity where is the community where is the sense that we as marginalized people can uplift the voices of other groups and work through our issues to be wiser and kinder and more thoughtful and caring than those who do us harm?

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