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pucksandpower · 2 months

Text

Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

1K notes · View notes

august126 · 7 months

Text

✭・.First Times ✭・.

Virgin ethan landry x fem!reader

summary: Ethan is worried he’ll die a Virgin, maybe he was destined to be the one guy who never got laid. But, at a party, his destiny may be turning around for the better.

warnings: Smut (obviously), loss of virginity, Vaginal Fingering,Vaginal Sex,Size Kink, Jealousy, friends to lovers?,praise, masturbation, Ethan’s a lil nervous,alcohol indulgence, drinking/drunk characters, dirty talk ,and unprotected sex (stay safe)

“Am I gonna die a virgin?” y/n had heard Ethan say, a poor pathetic look on his face as he looked up at Mindy. y/n wanted to laugh, boys and seeing losing their virginity as a do or die situation. Mindy, and the rest of the group, give the curly haired boy a weird amused glance. “Way too much information” Mindy said before she continued to ramble on about possibilities of who the killer may be.

As the group split ways, y/n walked beside Ethan.

“Are you really a virgin?” It slipped out before you could stop your self. your words halted Ethan in his step, turning to you with slightly flushed cheeks before continuing to walk, slower now. “Um, yeah. Is that surprising or something?”

y/n pondered the idea. Ethan wasn’t ugly, he was quite attractive in y/n’s eyes matter-of-fact, but he comes off a little weird, which didn’t give him any bonus points, those factors could turn some people off. you hobbled a little and nudged his arms with your shoulder, an amused smirk on your lips. “It is kinda surprising, actually. You’re a pretty attractive guy. Just a little weird.”

Ethan didn’t say anything as they continued to walk, but he couldn’t hide the redness of his face or ears upon hearing y/n call him attractive.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

Parties weren’t really Ethan’s thing. Sweaty drunk bodies all piled together, flashing lights, music way too loud you can’t even hear your own voice. He agreed to come because everyone else was going. Mostly because y/n was going, and you had invited him personally.

He kept to himself in a corner of the room, a red solo cup in his hand that contained a small amount of alcohol. Not wanting to get black-out drunk tonight.

Ethan’s eyes scanned the party, finally landing on you in the kitchen. Beside you was some guy he’d never seen. Was he even a student? He was tall, beard coming in, he couldn’t have been younger than 30. He was awfully close to you nearly pressing you to the counter as you drunkenly swayed while laughing. He felt something hot form in the pit of his stomach, rising to his chest as his fingers involuntarily gripped the cup tighter.

White hot jealousy.

He had no reason to be jealous, y/n wasn’t his and was free to talk to whomever you wanted to, but that didn’t stop him from glaring from across the room.

The guy leaned down to whisper something into your ear, then motioned upstairs. His implication was very clear. He watched you laugh, say something, then pull away from him. Ethan hoped you had some sense left into you and didn’t follow some random freak upstairs.

To his surprise, you was heading straight toward him. you said something that he didn’t pick up before you stumbled into his chest. Ethan let out a small puff of air as you layed against him. He hoped you couldn’t hear his increasing heartbeat to your proximity and touch.

As you layed your head on him someone bumped into you from behind, your drink splashing all over your front and part of Ethan’s shirt. “Shit!” you cursed, pulling away from him as you examined the state of you, you're ruined angel costume. Ethan was quick to spring to action, taking her cup from y/n and setting it on a side table. “Let’s get you cleaned up, I’m sure there’s a bathroom upstairs.” He said loud enough for y/n to hear as he dragged them both up the stairs.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

After many failed attempts of walking into rooms with making out couples, they eventually found the bathroom. Tucked away at the end of the hall.

you sat on the sink counter as you dabbed your dress with a towel, the spilt drink slowly soaking into the towel. Ethan sat on the toilet, facing you as he watched in silence.

“Eth, can you help me? Im kinda spinning out here and dont have the strength in my arms to keep twisting this fucking dress” His heart jumped at the nickname as he stood to his feet, making his way to stand infront of you. “Yeah, hand me the towel.” you did, he took it from you and grabbed the hem of you dress gently, applying the towel to the dress as he let it soak up the drink.

He tried his best to ignore the straight-shot view of your white bra. The drink making the dress nearly translucent, leaving nothing to the imagination. He swallowed thickly as his ears burned red.

He moved the towel up, his knuckles ghosting over the underside of your chest. your sharp intake of breath made him dizzy. He lifted the towel and handed it out to you, “You should probably clean your chest yourself.”

But you refused to take it.

“Don’t be such a prude, I don’t mind.” Ethan stammered, eyes shifting from you to the towel. you laughed and leaned forward, your breath hot against his already burning ears, “I know you want to.” Ethan was rendered breathless, mouth dry as you leaned away. you even had the audacity to laugh afterwards.

“Actually wait, I just remembered the girl who owns this place has a younger sister my age, she should have some spare clothe'' y/n interjected, standing from the sink and making your way out of the bathroom, Ethan following behind quietly. He took the time to catch his breath.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

you closed the door behind them as they stepped into the younger sister's room, you immediately going to her closet. Ethan glanced around the room, taking in the purple painted walls and hanging LED lights. His eyes caught y/n in his peripheral vision, he snapped his head towards her, lifting the dirty dress off your body leaving you covered by only a bra and your underwear. His eyes widened.

your skin glowed in the pink hue of the room, making it look soft to the touch. He wanted nothing more than to run his hands over the newly exposed skin, feel it under his palm.

“y/n—” Whatever Ethan was trying to say was cut short as you turned to look at him, still only a bra and underwear. He swears he melted right on the spot the second you started walking towards him, he stepped back, knees hitting the edge of the bed. He was trapped. y/n took that as her opportunity to climb onto his lap. She embraced him, hot flesh against his . His heart pounded against his chest, it felt like it’d burst at any moment. Surely, y/n could feel it.

“Take away all my worries Ethan. I’ve been so scared with the recent murders, knowing there’s another Ghostface out there. I could be next. So please, take away my worries, just for tonight.” you mumbled into his neck, he could feel wetness pool into his collar, she was crying. A hand found its way to the small of your back, your skin was warm against his hand. It was as soft as he imagined.

He felt bad, being with you like this, lying to you. He knew you never forgive him after you found out. The horrible things he’s done to get closer to you and your friends. Overtime, he grew fond of you. And here you was, in his lap, damn near begging for him to distract you from his wrong-doings. He would allow you this, not just tonight, whenever you wanted until it was gone.

“Yeah, okay. What do you want me to do?” His voice was soft as he spoke, y/n shifted in his hold to face him. There was something in your eyes that Ethan couldn’t quite piece together. Until you connected the dots for him.

“Make me feel good.”

His breath was punched out of him as he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. you wanted him to please you? How? He was telling the truth earlier about being a virgin. y/n could sense his hesitation and leaned in so their lips were nearly touching, “I’ll show you how.” Ethan nodded maybe a bit too enthusiastically but you laughed and gave him a chaste kiss near the edge of his lips before you sat back against his thighs.

your hand linked with his as you manuvered it to your liking, slowly moving it down. you stopped to look into his eyes, “Are you sure you want to do this? I’m not pressuring you to do anything.” Ethan was quiet for a second before he spoke, “I’ve never wanted anything more than this, from the moment I saw you.” Cheesy, but it still made you smile.

y/n slowly moved his hand under her panties, placing his finger just above where she ached for him. The wetness there coated his finger, even through your panties. He made a small noise as you guided his finger up and down your clothed folds, slowly. you could feel him, in those confined jeans, pressing into your thigh. Even trapped in his jeans, he felt relatively bigger than you expected him to be. you stopped his movements, letting you self slip your panties to the side so he could really feel you. He choked a groan back when he felt you, wet, for him.

“Think you can go on from here?” He glanced up at you with an embarrassed smile. “I’ve watched enough videos to know what I'm supposed to be doing.”

y/n let his wrist go, you immediately arching into his touch as he began moving his finger. He played with you for a while, gliding up and down, rubbing at your clit, taking you one stop closer to the edge each time. His fingers slowed down.

“y/n, is it okay if.. Can I put one in?”

God, yes.

y/n moaned into his collar, “Yes, please.” He was gentle as he did it, slowly inserting his index finger. He kept it still for a few seconds, giving you enough time to tell him if it was uncomfortable, when he didn’t get that, he began to move his finger. He set a rhythm, replacing it with his middle finger so his palm could cup the rest of you. y/n was falling apart in his lap, more noises escaped from your lips.

moving your hips just right so his fingers would hit the deepest part of you each time. Fuck, he had long fingers. Prodding that sensitive spot deep inside you with little effort, you only imagined how much deeper he could reach with something besides his fingers. That was enough to make you shudder, hips stuttering as you whined into his shoulder.

He pulled his fingers out from you, they were coated with you. He brought them to his lips, putting a finger past his lips to taste you.

Jesus christ.

y/n needed more of him, in any way he’d give it to you, but you wanted it now.

“Ethan, please, more. I want you.” you begged, moving from his grasp to fall against the bed. you reached for him, beckoning him over.

He shyly crawled up towards you, hovering above you. A deep blush made its way down your neck as you noticed how you practically disappeared beneath him, he was broad in ways you hadn’t noticed before. His entire body covered you and that only added to the fire building up inside you.

“Are you sure?” He said above you, looking down with worry.

you never been more sure about anything.

you pulled him down to your lips crashing against each other so hard they bumped teeth. The shy and awkwardness surrounding Ethan from earlier had evaporated as his lips connected to your jaw. He was all teeth and tongue, sending delicious sparks of pleasure to your core every time he bit down near your neck. He wanted to leave marks so people could see.

He sat up, shucking his jacket off and pulling his shirt over his head. y/n was not disappointed at the sight before you, He had decent defined muscles on his abdomen and shoulders, deep lines that traveled past his waistband.He was quick with his belt, tossing it somewhere in the room. His jeans followed, leaving him only in his black boxers. He was straining against the fabric but ignored himself to pay attention to y/n for a while longer.

Ethan pulled away from your poor bruised neck, not being able to keep himself in the confines of his boxers any longer as it began to hurt. “Shit, I uh, don’t have a condom.” y/n huffed a laugh, “Of course you don’t. It's ok, just pull out. I want to feel you.” He swallowed and nodded, his shyness back. He reached to his boxers, finally freeing his dick. y/n eyes followed, eyes widening slightly. It's always the virgin boys. He certainly was over average.

“Ready?” He asked, you nodded. “Ready.”

His hands found your hips as he slowly pushed in, the stretch was painful and it burned, but y/n pushed through as he entered you inch by inch, you let out a painful sigh. Ethan was still, allowing you to get used to the feeling of him. y/n had never been so full.

It took you a few minutes for the burning to go away, which must've been hell for Ethan.

“Move. You— you can move now.” Ethan let out a breath of relief as he pulled out a couple inches and pushed back in. The burn was not as bad, it definitely helped that he was moving now instead of being still inside you.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

He moved inside of you with ease, stretching you beyond what you thought you could take. “F—fuck, I feel like you’re splitting me in half.” y/n whimpered as he thrust in deeply, making your body jump on the bed. Ethan was watching where their bodies connected, watching himself move in and out of you.

“God, you take me so well.” He hadn’t meant to say it outloud, a stranger to dirty talk but it spurred y/n on, so y/n asking him to keep talking to her. So he did. Lots of, ‘You’re doing so good, Look how good you take me, You were made for me’ and more along those lines.

your moans grew quicker, signialing you was close. your orgasm was like a rubber band, being pulled back until it finally snapped. you shuddered against him, fingers digging into his back—leaving little crescents. you clenched around him hard making him groan, he almost looked like he was in pain. “y/n— don’t do that, I’ll cum too soon.” he gritted out, giving you a particularly harsh thrust that rocked your body.

Ethan’s thrusts grew more erratic, hips snapping against into you with fervor. His hands left your hips to grab at your wrists, pinning you arms above your head as he used those as leverage. you squirmed against his grip but to no avail. you felt as though his thrusts would leave bruises on your hips as each thrust hit the deepest part of you it could go.

“Oh– Fuck.” Ethan slipped out of you quickly, using his hand to get him to release. His hips rocked into his palm as he spilt out cum on to your stomach. Tainting the your skin with milky white.

He dropped ontop of you, careful not to put his full weight on you. His head between the junction of you shoulder, leaving small breathless kisses in their wake.

“Not to boost your ego, but you don’t fuck like a virgin.” y/n heard him laugh shyly against you. How he can go from fucking you like there was no tomorrow yet still getting shy is beyond you.

“Let's stay here for a bit, then we get cleaned up. Then we can leave this lame party.” Ethan made a sound of agreement.

The two falling into a comfortable silence beside one another.

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girl-named-matty · 2 months

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Sharing a bed with the Boys (Hogwarts Legacy Headcanons)

Sharing a bed with the boys. Tags: Fluff, Sharing a bed, gn!reader, Sebastian x Reader, Ominis x Reader, Garreth x Reader, Leander x Reader. (this is barely proofread haha) Rating: General Audiences

Summary: My Headcanons for sharing a bed with the boys!

Sebastian:

When you first asked him if he wanted to share a bed, he practically jumped straight in it. He was so excited.

But that was just the first time.

He stays up reading almost every night so good luck getting him into that bed in the first place after that.

And by late I mean genuinely unholy hours of the night kinda staying up and he wonders why he looks so tired.

If you do eventually get him in bed, it doesn’t take him long to actually fall asleep. Aside from the constant lack of sleep he usually gets, he’s always been one to fall asleep quickly.

He is a human body heater.

Some nights you may not even need a blanket because he’s just that warm.

I feel like Seb would be the kind of guy to practically sleep on top of you. Like not enough to crush you but instead it feels like a really nice weighted (and warm) blanket.

Except for this blanket snores.

Loud

I’m sorry I don’t make the rules.

Sometimes it's really annoying to share a bed with him and other times it's really nice.

If he ever comes to bed early, it’s how you know he’s had a rough day and just needs to be in your arms for comfort. ..

Ominis:

Unlike Sebastian who would totally be up to sharing a bed, he would be more hesitant.

It’s not like he doesn’t want to, per se, but he’s used to having his own space and he’s not necessarily the most touchy person. But eventually, he says he’s ready.

Kinda awkward the first few nights. He slept with his back towards you and didn't make any physical touch at all.

But after a couple of nights, he slowly starts making the shift to get closer to you and he comes to enjoy it.

After that, he finds it hard to sleep without you.

Due to not having the best childhood, he often has nightmares. And for him his nightmares are extremely unnerving due to the fact that he can’t see anything, only hear things.

But one of the best parts about sharing a bed with you is the fact that whenever his nightmares wake him up, you’re right there next to him.

He often finds himself reaching out for you in the middle of the night, just to make sure you’re still there.

He’s definitely a side sleeper so sometimes you’ll sleep in the spooning position together. This also reassures him a lot that you’re still next to him. ..

Garreth:

Didn’t take long for you two to start sharing a bed at all.

Since he has so many siblings he probably had to share a bed with one of his brothers at some point in his childhood anyway.

But just because he might be used to it does not mean he’s easy to share a bed with.

This boy is a BED HOGGER.

If you are quite literally not right up against him, you’re falling off the bed.

You thought Seb gets hot when he sleeps?

Well, Garreth has him beat by a LONG shot.

You could probably fry an egg on this man's back just saying.

But we all know Garreth has that soft tummy action going on so he’s super comfortable and when he’s not hogging the bed, it’s really nice to cuddle up to him.

When you too are cuddling, he wants to be as close to you as possible.

So, really, just the sweetest boy to ever exist. ..

Leander: (because he deserves his place on this list)

He’s similar to Ominis and opposite of Garreth.

Had very few siblings growing up, probably only one or two so he was used to having his own space. So it took him a while before he was all good with it.

This boy is lanky af.

It’s obviously okay. He’s tall, long, lanky, whatever you wanna call it.

So he probably sleeps with his legs up somehow to keep his feet from hanging off the bed/smacking into the headboard.

It probably took him a while to get used to cuddling with someone in bed but now that he’s used to it, he loves it.

He loves it when you sleep on his chest so he can wrap his arms around you and hold you close.

He’s definitely not a morning person so have fun getting him out of that bed.

Also has really bad bed-head. How do I know this? No man would style his hair the way he does unless he has bed-head so take my word for it.

100% a cuddler now. ...

Who should I do next? I was thinking Andrew and Amit but lmk in the comments!

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raysrays · 2 months

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Crimson Guardian NSFW

Kyojuro Rengoku x Wife! Reader

18+ MDNI!🚫

CW: NSFW Content, minor angst, controlling/manipulating behavior, fluff-ish.

Y/N POV

Scenario : You've recently married into the respected Rengoku family, and while you continue your work as a demon slayer, life starts to get a bit messy. Balancing your duties becomes a real challenge as you navigate the challenges of married life. You find yourself having to make tough choices just to keep your husband happy, all while debating to stay true to yourself and your calling as a demon slayer.

Marriage. Truly one of the most beautiful milestones a couple can achieve. Marrying Kyojuro has undoubtedly been my greatest accomplishment.

I still remember it vividly, as if it were yesterday. Surrounded by friends, family, and core members, we pledged our lives to each other. Though it wasn't the most glamorous wedding ever seen, it was enough. Because really, all I've ever wanted was Kyojuro, and now, finally, I have him.

For the first few months, our marriage was nothing short of perfect. I moved into the Rengoku estate with Kyojuro's family, assisting Shenjuro with chores and gradually trying to get closer to Shinjuro. Though I'm not sure how successful I was.

It was only six months in that I realized being a demon slayer and a wife wasn't as easy as I thought.

Before our relationship, I was Kyojuro's Tsuguko. He was simply my mentor, and I trained hard under him to get myself where I am today. It was later down the road that we noticed each other's lingering gazes, the occasional flirting, and all the other subtle hints of wanting to be more.

Kyojuro was strong, and I knew he wanted a family, but I simply wasn't ready to give up training and my duties as a demon slayer just yet.

Every day, after helping out around the estate, I would hike over to HQ and pick up where I had left off the previous day, training until the late hours of the night. I would often come home exhausted, which usually caused Kyojuro to worry. As much as I reassured him, he never seemed fully convinced.

Now, here I was, sitting at the dinner table with Kyo across from me. It was a rare occasion for us to eat alone together like this. We made small talk about our day and training, and then he finally stopped eating and put his silverware down.

"Little Flame, I think it’s time we have a serious discussion about the way things have been as of late,” his usual happy smile seemed almost nervous.

I set my spoon down on my plate, giving him my full attention.

“Yes? What is it?”

“Sunflower, you have been working so hard as of late, and it’s quite admirable. I truly admire your dedication to the demon slayer corps and your training!”

“But…?” I ask, confused.

“But… since our marriage, I’ve found myself in constant worry over you. Every time you go on a mission without me, I have to painfully wait for your return. Not knowing whether or not you'd be injured or even-“

“Dead?” I finish.

I saw his body tense up at the word.

“Yes, my love. Dead. I cannot even bear the thought of you never returning to me. It pains me to my core,” he seemed so sad, so worried about me.

I know Kyojuro, I know he didn’t mean anything bad by what he was saying. However, I felt almost offended. He too was a slayer, a hashira. I also had to deal with the fear of him returning with serious injuries or even never returning at all.

Did he believe me to be incapable of protecting myself? He was the very one who trained me. Even though I knew Kyojuro was strong, much stronger than me, it just felt like he lacked faith in me.

“You don’t think I’m strong enough anymore? Do you think marriage has made me soft?” I realized I might have come off a little too harsh, but my emotions were getting the best of me.

His expression seemed surprised, but I could tell. While he may not have used those words, that was definitely the gist of it.

I watched him get up from his place at the table and walk over to me. He pulled my chair out from under the table, then grabbed my hands and kneeled down in front of me.

His big, bright eyes were now staring up at me.

“You are one of the strongest people I know, my love. I know how capable you are, but please remember…”

He brought my hands to his lips, kissing them softly.

“You are my wife before you are a demon slayer. I cannot risk sending you off only for you to never return.”

I could practically hear the desperation and love in his voice.

Kyojuro wasn’t someone who would usually discourage anyone from pursuing something they're passionate about. So if he was now, I knew that it’s something he’s been internally battling with for a while.

“What about you? Is it not the same? What about my worry? What if you never come home to me?” I could feel my face start to heat up. Everything he was saying seemed to come from genuine care, but it felt so hypocritical.

“I am a Hashira, my little flame. I have a certain responsibility you do not have to burden yourself with. I shall retire soon, in just a few years. So please…”

There’s no way he’d ask me-

“Please retire your sword, Y/N. Please stay home for me. Please allow my heart to rest easy knowing you'll be here waiting for me whenever I shall return,” his voice was pleading.

I felt so conflicted. I’d worked so hard. All of these years of training to hopefully become a high-ranking swordsman myself. However, at the same time, I never stopped to consider my romantic life and how being married would affect things.

We both sat there in silence for a few moments, and I finally rose up from the chair, pulling him up off his knees along with me.

I looked up at him, reaching my hand up to rest on his cheek.

“Kyojuro, you are the only one I would retire my sword for. So please promise me, promise me you will always come home to me. Until the day you yourself retire.”

“I promise you, Sunflower. As long as I know you are safe and waiting for me, there is no demon that could ever keep me away.”

I felt his hand on my lower back and the other holding up my chin.

We both leaned in, our lips meeting in a tender kiss.

This kiss started so gently, so lovingly at first. As we pulled away for just a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, we realized how long it had been since we really enjoyed each other’s company.

After that, the kiss only grew hotter and more passionate.

Kyojuro swept me off my feet and carried me straight to our shared room at the back of the estate, the most private spot. It seemed fitting for newlyweds, after all.

As he gently laid me back on the soft futon, I couldn't help but stay focused on him. Kyojuro was simply beautiful. His hair, his eyes, his body, everything about him looked like he was perfectly sculpted.

My admiration was interrupted as I felt him begin to kiss me again. One of his hands traveling to my breasts, gently squeezing it.

The other massaging my thigh.

I feel him pull away from me starting to kiss on my neck traveling all the way down to my chest.

Kyojuro had always known my weak points and how to make me say yes to his every request. He knew my body just as well as I did, and now he was taking full advantage of that knowledge.

I could feel him pressing against me as he moved his hand down my body, lightly touching me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, wanting more.

Then I heard, Kyojuro's soft voice whisper these words, almost as a demand. "Enjoy this little flame, you've kept me waiting far too long.”

As soon as those words left his lips, I felt myself begin to relax. His movements were so gentle, so careful, so loving.

His fingers trailed down my sides, sending chills through my body. His hands went back up and caressed my neck, making me tremble. He kissed me once more, and I melted into him.

It was as if he had cast a spell over me, and all I could do was obey him. He was completely in control of me.

After a moment, I felt him move back down and remove my underwear, revealing my already wet entrance. His hand slid between my thighs, and I couldn't help but let out a moan as his finger slipped inside me. He was gentle at first, just barely grazing me, but it felt incredible.

"Is this okay?" he asked softly, his breath hot against my ear.

I nodded but I could tell that wasn’t enough for him.

“Use your words my love.” He demanded sweetly.

“Yes Kyo, it’s perfect.” I said, my voice trembling.

He leaned down and kissed my lips before pulling back again, smiling at me.

"I want to be inside of you," he whispered, his voice filled with desire.

"Please," I begged.

He removed his fingers, replacing them with his cock, his tip rubbing against my clit.

"Good girl," he whispered, thrusting into me.

I threw back my head, arching my back and digging my nails into his shoulders. His movements were slow and deep at first and then they became faster and harder, and soon my whole body began to shake. I couldn't stop the moans from escaping my lips, and I couldn't help but beg for more.

When he starts to speed up I know we are both about to reach our limit.

I feel his fingers interlock with mine and his lips pressing against mine again, but this time, he wasn’t just kissing me, he was also letting his teeth graze my bottom lip.

He was biting down hard enough to draw blood.

We were both so close and we were both trying to hold back but we couldn’t anymore. We were finally going to let ourselves release.

I was the first one to let myself go, arching my back as I moaned his name.

Then he followed not too far behind.

After he finishes, we just lay there for a bit catching our breath.

“I love you, Y/N,” he finally breathed out, turning his head to look at me.

I turned to face him as well. “I love you, Kyojuro.”

After that, the two of us drifted off in each other's arms for the rest of the night.

The next morning when I awoke, I was still trapped wrapped in Kyojuro's arms.

After a bit of struggling, I managed to maneuver my way out and make it to the kitchen.

There I saw Senjuro, who was already preparing breakfast for everyone.

“Good morning, Sen,” I greeted with a yawn.

“Oh, good morning, Y/N!”

“I'm almost finished with breakfast. Is my brother awake yet?”

“He should be awake soon. We both have to see Master Kagaya today,” I said, rubbing my eyes.

He stopped to turn and look at me.

“Did something bad happen?” he asked nervously.

Poor Senjuro always assumes the absolute worst in every situation. Well, I suppose in this case it’s somewhat understandable.

“No, Sen, nothing's wrong. Kyojuro and I are just going to inform Master Kagaya of my retirement. That’s all.”

He gave a puzzled look.

“Retirement? Why? Haven’t you been training for years to improve your sword skills to move up in the ranks?” he asked.

He was right. I know I shouldn’t go back on my word to Kyojuro, but I really was having second thoughts about my decision.

Senjuro could probably sense my doubt because his next response was:

"If this is something that you're not sure of, then you shouldn't do it. If you have doubts about this decision, then maybe you're not ready for retirement just yet."

His words really struck a chord with me.

Maybe he was right.

Before I could ponder that any further, Kyojuro had made his way into the kitchen.

"Good morning! How are my two favorite people doing?" he said cheerfully.

I smiled.

"Morning, Kyo. Did you sleep well?"

"I did, actually. Thank you, little flame," he walked over to me, giving me a kiss.

I could feel my chest tightening, nervous about what was to come.

The whole time at breakfast, I felt so spaced out. All I could hear was Kyojuro and Senjuro talking and the occasional grunt from Shinjuro drinking away at the table.

“Sunflower? Are you okay?”

I was snapped out of my daze by Kyojuro waving a hand in front of my face. All three of them were staring at me, kind of concerned.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

I shook my head a little and looked down at my plate. I felt bad for Senjuro going through all that trouble to cook, but I simply couldn’t eat right now.

After we finished breakfast, Kyojuro and I headed out.

The thought that this would be the last time wearing my uniform with my sword by my side was so weird and almost uncomfortable to me.

I knew that this day would come eventually, but I always hoped in the back of my mind that Kyojuro would be the one to retire before me.

I had been so focused on training and my duties as a demon slayer that it had never even occurred to me how my marriage would affect everything.

I was now a wife. My first priority should be the estate, and helping Shinjuro while he was in his state of grief, and being there for Senjuro as well.

It wouldn’t be right of me to go against my husband's wishes either. Especially after the intimate moment we shared. Right?

As we made it to HQ waiting to speak with the master I felt my heartbeat racing inside of me.

The room was quiet, I could feel Kyojuro’s eyes lingering on me but I couldn’t bring myself to face him right now.

Both mine and Kyojuro’s attention was shifted as we heard the door open and Master Kagaya entered the room.

"Rengoku, Y/N. It's a pleasure to see you both," Kagaya said, his face as warm as ever.

"It's wonderful to see you too, Master," I replied.

"So what brings you two here? It seems urgent, judging by the fact that you came in so early."

"It is very urgent," Kyojuro began.

He then proceeded to explain our conversation from the night before, and how I was considering retiring.

"Y/N, this is a big decision, and it's important that you feel comfortable and confident in it. Do you think you can fully retire, knowing you won't be able to assist the demon slayers as you are now?" Kagaya asked.

I looked at the master and then glanced at Kyojuro. He seemed so proud and happy that we were here. I could feel the warmth radiating from him.

But, I could also sense the worry in his expression. He was nervous, scared almost.

I couldn't do that to him.

"Master, I've spent most of my life training for the opportunity to become a hashira. To serve the demon slayer corps and protect those who cannot protect themselves. But...I'm no longer just a demon slayer. I'm also a wife, and as such, I think it's only right that I focus on that," I answered.

The room fell silent for a moment.

"If you truly feel this is the right choice, then we support you, Y/N," Kagaya finally spoke.

"Thank you, Master," I bowed.

"Thank you so much, Master! I will never

forget your kindness!" Kyojuro bowed as well.

The two of us left the room and started to head out.

As we exited, we ran into a few of the other Hashira, who asked us about what we had gone to see Master Kagaya about.

They too seemed surprised and a little concerned when Kyojuro explained to them that I would be retiring so soon.

I could tell some of their reactions to the news annoyed Kyojuro. Shinobu used the word “controlling,” and you could see his smile almost falter.

"Controlling" was never a word I would have used to describe my husband. He just loves me, right? He wants to protect me. There's no way my sweet and kind Kyo would ever do anything to control or manipulate me.

Right?

Part Two

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lucyandthepen · 3 months

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last young renegade | jjh

summary: your valentine’s day plans with jaehyun may have gone down the drain just a little. (okay — a lot.)

pairing: jaehyun x reader verse: canon, idol!verse rating: t warnings&tags: reader & jaehyun are in an established relationship, quite frankly there is nothing too out of the ordinary in this fic which is a shocker, it’s a rewritten fic so pls excuse any errors I may not have caught! word count: 5.02k

a/n: happy 2024 friends and family !!!!!! and advanced happy birthday to the man who created valentine’s day, he who is perhaps my first love in nct, jaehyun! this is actually just a fic I’ve been hoping to re-write a bit from before, and since it’s valentine’s themed, what better time to post it!! Enjoy enjoy, and may this year bring more fun, laughs, love (and debauchery) to this blog!

Yᴏᴜ sᴀɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sɪᴄᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏғ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, ɴɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀʏ.

♡ jaehyunnie ♡ I know I said birthday dinner but practice is running so late ㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie ♡ Can we meet after? I’m sorry ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ How about I call you when we’re done? Maybe 11:30?

At times like this, you often wonder if it’s all worth it.

You know thinking that way is counterproductive, not to mention a little unfair. You knew exactly what to expect, getting into an under-wraps relationship with an idol, and so far, it’s lived up to most of your assumptions, and then some. It doesn’t help that Jaehyun, even just by name, tends to attract an unbelievable amount of attention. You know you can’t blame him; it’s not like he wants to be high on the radar every time, either. For some reason, though, you seem to be looking for something or someone to blame, which you also know is a dead end. You have no one to pin the blame onto apart from yourself by frequently generating doubts that keep your mind running around in circles.

It’s not even the sneaking around that gets tiring; it’s the waiting — waiting on calls, waiting on free time, waiting on a good opportunity to do something that doesn’t involve him suddenly getting pulled out to attend to one of many of his celebrity responsibilities. Over the last few years that you’ve dated, NCT has only ever gotten more popular; with that popularity came the fact that the public eye was trained on them, focusing on every microscopic detail of their lives. Jaehyun hates that more than anything, which is why he’s given up on trying to avoid it by practically escaping it altogether, locking himself up in the dorm with you when he has his precious few days off.

While it’s true that you definitely don’t miss having to play espionage when going out for a cup of coffee with him, you’ve also managed to memorize every single inch of Jaehyun’s room, which isn’t good for your mentality, you’re pretty sure. You have to keep reminding him to open the window whenever the both of you are in there, because all you do is stay in and watch English movies without subtitles to see who can understand the most without asking questions (obviously, he always wins) while eating food he runs up and down the stairs to get every other hour. And while him trying to imitate the British accents on these shows is genuinely funny, you’re starting to suspect even he’s starting to get tired of watching Harry Potter over and over again. Twenty hours sounds like a long time unless you spend every twenty-hour period you have together marathoning the exact same films. Much to both of your disappointment, your suggestion to watch it totally out of order did not make it cooler.

Still, you suppose it’s not all bad. Jaehyun also taught you how to play Fortnite on a couple of his days off back to back, and while you hadn’t been as good a player as you both had hoped, he’d still patiently waited for you every time you got lost on the map. He’d even given you his account’s password with the sentiment that this was him ‘taking things to the next level with you,’ and you get to log into his account and play whenever you want; he doesn’t even get mad when you’ve wasted all the stuff he’s farmed on your subpar gaming skills. And, well, the bigger picture was that you loved him. Based on how much effort he put into the relationship, plus the bonus of his trust in you when it came to his Fortnite account, you could at least be confident in that he returned the sentiment.

Except, sometimes, you still wonder if it would be easier for the both of you if he flew solo and didn’t have a girlfriend that tanked all of his player’s ammo and health kits and generally made a fool out of his cute little avatar while he was out breaking his back onstage.

You aren’t sure if Jaehyun’s been noticing the turmoil in you; you’re not that good at hiding how you feel, anyway, but if he has, he hasn’t said anything thus far. You do observe how much more he texts you when he has free time, which makes you feel doubly bad, because you know that he’s spending precious minutes he could be resting with on talking to you instead, which isn’t the best trade-off for someone who’s constantly busy — and thereby constantly tired — like him.

♡ jaehyunnie♡ ___________ I’m going to practice again, okay? Wait for my call ㅠㅠ You I’ll wait for your call ♡ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ I love you ㅠㅠㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ You love me too — a lot, right? I’ll keep my phone now, but I’ll make sure to check that you said so. ㅋㅋㅋ You Right! ㅎ I love you a lot! ♡

When the clock hits 12:01, and your phone is silent, your mind starts working on overtime again. It’s only when the special ringtone you’ve set for him comes to life at half-past midnight that you break your train of thought and put on your socks so you can meet Jaehyun at your front door.

You’ve made a rule — sort of like a deal — between the two of you that apologies aren’t necessary when work holds you up. You’ve cashed in on that deal a couple of times, but you’re both aware that it’s more for Jaehyun’s sake than anything else, and he keeps to his word on that much when you open the door and duck into his car. All he does is smile at you, and you smile back, and for the rest of the car ride, everything seems okay.

He always asks you about your day — unfailingly, at any chance he can. It’s never an off-handed question, either; Jaehyun takes great pride in his memory, and the sweetest thing about him is that he’s dedicated a good deal of it to knowing almost everything about you. Right now is no different. He asks you about your team manager, what you had for lunch; he grills you on if you took your vitamins today and if you got to break in the new shoes you bought online — the ones you’d been pining over for the last three months. He even asks you about the guy from the neighboring department who keeps asking you out for after-work drinks.

“He wanted to go to Hongdae tonight,” you tell him as he slows for a red light. “There’s some new pub of his friend’s doing a soft opening there tonight.”

“You could have gone.” He keeps his eyes on the road. “I wouldn’t have minded.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Good.” He glances at you, a grin slowly spreading on his lips. “Because I lied. I might have minded a little. Or, you know, a lot.”

“Don’t tell me after all these years, you’ve turned into the kind of boyfriend that doesn’t let his girlfriend go out without him.”

“That’s impossible for me, and you know that,” he chuckles. “You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Just not with that guy from the other department.”

“Don’t worry.” You tinker with the little charm dangling on your phone — half of a flat, metal heart dangling from a gold chain that Jaehyun had given you two years back on your birthday. He keeps the other half, but since he can’t freely attach it to any of his belongings, he keeps it wedged between the back of his phone and its case. You like watching him change the backing because he does it so carefully, like he’s worried the other half of the heart is going to break if he rips off the case willy nilly. “I told him my boyfriend and I were going out on a date tonight, so he backed off. Although he did wonder why I keep talking about a boyfriend he’s never seen.”

“And? What did you say?”

“I said it was none of his damn business.”

Jaehyun laughs loudly, and you go along with him, but you don’t miss how tired he looks when he sobers down, the green light illuminating all the shadows on his face as he steps on the gas again.

Nothing good is open this late at night — that is, nothing you haven’t seen before. You hadn’t even expected to go out at all, but since it was the day before Valentine’s Day as well as his birthday (or it would have been, if you hadn’t waited until midnight), Jaehyun had wanted to do something special without having to run into a huge crowd of couples on the day itself. Your only option is this from-out-of-town carnival that’s set up in tents and even has a medium-sized ferris wheel by the edge of the metal barricade. The parking lot is practically empty when Jaehyun pulls into a slot; you joke that he should break one rule and park in two slots, which he smugly replies to by saying he couldn’t park badly even if he tried.

He tucks your hair back behind your ears as he loops the strings of a face mask around them, using another one for himself. Between that and the brim of his cap, you can barely see his eyes. The only knowledge that you have that you’re walking next to the man you love is that he takes your hand in his, slender fingers finding their way between yours.

The carnival is half-closed when you get to the middle of it; there are still a few stragglers, but half the kiosks have their lights off already. There’s a woman dressed in flashy clothes standing on a patch of dead grass a few feet away, and she’s holding a hoop that a ginger cat is jumping through. Jaehyun steers you to them, and you stand there for a good five minute watching the cat roll on the ground and stand on its hind legs, but you can tell it’s been going it at for most of the day because at one point, it just ignores the lady, opting to weave its way between Jaehyun’s and your legs instead. You do have a pretty good time when he picks it up and cradles it in his arms so you can pet it for a second, but it just hisses when its owner approaches and jumps out of his hold, disappearing behind a row of trash bins.

Jaehyun doesn’t have anything in his wallet apart from his credit cards and 50,000 won, and the coin machine operator says he only has enough coins left to break down 5,000 won for the games, so you end up having to jog back to his car so you can fish out some coins from inside his glove compartment. You come up with a grand total of 1,500 won, and you have to sheepishly go back to the coin machine operator to change four 100 coins and a couple of 50s just to get the last 500. Jaehyun tells you to hold onto the three coins so he doesn’t run off with them entirely and leave you destitute.

You learn you can only do three things at most — you dedicate 500 won for the Ferris wheel entry tickets, which leaves you with 500 won each. The both of you agree on choosing one kiosk to play in, and with only about five left that are open, you don’t really have that many options. You end up dragging Jaehyun over to a stall with a pond filled with those magnetic toy fish, but 500 won only gets you one fishing rod. Since it’s your choice, Jaehyun lets you play, but you feel kind of stupid doing it on your own with him just watching you. In the end, he decides to stand behind you, his arms around your waist like he thinks closer contact isn’t even more distracting. You do manage to fish out 10 fish and win a small bear on a keychain. It doesn’t even pass through your hands as Jaehyun takes it from the stall operator immediately.

“That’s mine!” You whine, reaching out in vain to take it from him; he just holds it high over his head. His eyes are twinkling under the shadow his cap casts over his face. “I worked hard for that.”

“Let me keep this one,” he mimics the pleading lilt in your voice. “I’ll put it on my bag.”

“You know you can’t! Give it back.”

“I’ll win you a bigger one,” he promises. “Let me keep this one. It’s cute. It reminds me of you. I’ll kiss it goodnight before I sleep.” He starts to laugh softly. “And then you’ll feel this weird spirit kissing you at like two in the morning, and you’ll know it’s me.”

Your arms aren’t long enough to retrieve it, and you don’t really want to, so you settle with twisting his ear. He takes it in stride even if he over-acts, making pained noises while leading you to the kiosk he wants to go to. It’s a shooting range stall, and he pays his own precious 500 won for a dart gun. He’s barely paying attention when the guy starts explaining how many points are assigned to each balloon color, more concerned with talking to the bear keychain in his hand and pretending like he’s cooing at you. You have to hit him across the shoulder to get him to focus.

“You need to start picking out what prize you want,” he tells you — the actual you, not the animal keychain version — as he lifts the dart gun.

“I’ll wait for you to finish first.”

“No way.” He tilts his head, closing one eye to steady his line of sight. “Pick already. Or just go for the biggest one.”

“You know that Fortnite and dart guns aren’t the same thing, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m well-motivated.” He grins at you, one eye still shut. He looks like a baby pirate. “Go ahead. Pick the biggest one.”

“Why don’t you just shoot, and we’ll see.”

“Pick it,” he insists. “Tell me you have faith in me. Tell me you love me.”

“Okay, I love you,” you agree. “But I have no faith in you when it comes to this.”

“One out of two is fine,” he concedes, taking aim.

All three of you, including the stall operator, let out a disappointed groan when he misses his first shot. His comes with a sheepish laugh as he reloads, suddenly telling you to pick the second biggest prize instead. You can’t even watch him miss over and over, so you pretend to be interested in a bunch of teenage boys playing a game of cups one stall over, trying not to giggle when you hear him get increasingly more frustrated at himself. When you turn back around, you notice he’s holding two small pieces of gummy candy, offering one to you like a kindergartener. He helps you tug your face mask down so you can eat it.

There’s a food stall nearby that, thankfully, accepts credit and debit; Jaehyun fishes out his card to get you a corndog — only one because he’s watching his weight for the upcoming concert, apparently. This is information you hate hearing but have no say in, and he knows this; you know he does because he says ‘don’t worry about me’ totally out of the blue, like five minutes after the conversation ceases to be relevant.

His phone starts ringing when the food comes out, and he takes a tiny bite of it — more bread than hotdog — before he answers. You know it’s Taeyong by the way he answers.

“Hyung, sorry — can we talk later? I’m out with ____________.”

Taeyong says something loud but indiscernible on the other end. You piece together that it’s about tomorrow’s schedule when Jaehyun speaks again.

“I know. I’ll be home in a bit; don’t worry about it. I haven’t forgotten.”

There’s more garbled speech on the other line; Jaehyun gestures for you to keep eating, and you do, but you more concerned with the morphing expressions on his face than you are with the act of chewing. He’s making noncommittal noises in response to what seem to be commands and reminders. You’re pretty much done with the corndog by the time he says ‘Okay, hyung. Hyung — I’ll see you later, okay?’

“Taeyong hyung says hi,” he tells you once he’s hung up the phone. “He says you still need to give back that book you borrowed from him last year.”

“Oh yeah,” you finish off the last of the food. “I’ll drop it off within the week.”

“Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t actually mean it.”

Jaehyun watches you snap the stick in half and toss it in the trash bag.

“We can go home,” you say finally. His eyebrows shoot up. “You’re busy tomorrow. I forgot.”

“I didn’t forget, and it’s fine.”

“It’s almost two in the morning.” You check your phone to verify. “You probably have to be up in a few hours. You need to sleep, or you’ll die, Jaehyun. I’m too young to be a grieving widow.”

“Let’s at least ride the Ferris wheel,” he suggests. Before you can protest, he tugs you towards the rickety contraption, digging the 500 won out of your pocket and handing it to the bemused operator. He lets you choose what carriage you want because literally no one is on it anymore, and Jaehyun asks for the best carriage. You’re not sure how it differs from the rest, but he makes a show out of guiding you into it, and you don’t miss the corny ‘my lady,’ he mutters under his breath.

It’s small, clearly meant for either a tiny group of children or couples who want to be as close together as possible. It’s also not air-conditioned, and only one of the windows is open, so you end up sticking to Jaehyun’s arm on the way up. The view is still great, though, and you feel his hand settle on your knee as the carriage makes it slow ascent.

The ride up is quiet, and you press your face as close to the glass of the carriage as you dare, but Jaehyun doesn’t move an inch. His hand is still heavy on your thigh, but it doesn’t do anything but lay there. When you’re close to the top, you’re hit with the urge to do something romantic — kiss, maybe, tell him happy birthday, or say ‘I love you’ to him in the most sickening way possible — but when you turn to look at him, you have to hold your tongue.

Jaehyun is asleep, leaning against the corner of the carriage, head tilted down a little. His shoulders are rising and falling slowly, and he’s pulled down his face mask a little so he can breathe better; his lips are slightly parted by the slackening of his jaw. His left hand is shoved in his pocket, like he’d passed out halfway through reaching for something in there.

He doesn’t wake even when you move slightly so you can lean back next to him, rocking the carriage a little — not even when you reach up and adjust his head so he can rest on your shoulder. He breathes deeply, evenly, and you wonder if his ear against your shoulder allows him to hear your heart plummet unfairly to the bottom of your stomach.

You have to shake him to rouse him when the ride comes to an end; when he opens his eyes and realizes what happened, he looks mortified. Instinctively, he opens his mouth, but you fling the carriage door open and step out before he can apologize.

You have a deal, and he knows what he shouldn’t be doing.

His grip on your hand is much tighter as you walk back to the parking lot, and he doesn’t let go, even on the road. The trip back is quieter, maybe because it’s late, or maybe because there are a ton of things the both of you want to say but can’t.

He slows down when he gets to your street, but when he stops in front of your building, he doesn’t immediately unlock the doors to let you out. Instead, he turns to you, licking his lips a little nervously.

“Can you…” he clears his throat because his voice cracks a little on the first attempt. “Can you come back with me? To the dorm?”

“I have work tomorrow, Jaehyun.”

“It’s still at eleven, isn’t it? I can bring you home before that. You still have some stuff in my room. You can get ready there.”

“Won’t you be too busy?”

“Just—” he sighs softly. “Can you? Please?”

You don’t know how to say no to Jaehyun, and tonight isn’t a night you’re willing to try. It’s why fifteen minutes later, you’re walking through the front door of his dorm. Donghyuck, sitting at his computer in his room with the door ajar, greets you sleepily as you pass by.

Jaehyun steps in the shower with you; you don’t talk, maybe because you’re worried you might wake the others up if you start a full-blown conversation in a bathroom surrounded by other bedrooms. He just passes you what you need, and you do the same for him, and somewhere in between, he kisses you under the spray of the water.

Later, he falls asleep with a face mask on, and you have to peel it off for him and toss it into the trash. The tip of his nose is shiny, and you want to kiss it, but you know it’ll wake him, and you noticed he’d set his alarm to go off two hours from now. He’s set out a couple of earplugs for you so that you don’t hear it, but you don’t put them in. You want to see him before he leaves, even if it’s in the deadest hours of morning, so you just crawl into bed with him. A minute before you doze off, you feel his damp skin press against your neck, his form curled up against your back.

The alarm never wakes you; the sun is out when you open your eyes, and when you check your phone, you see that it’s already half-past nine. You also notice that there’s nothing from Jaehyun on your screen, but you try not to dwell on that, considering that you’d been expecting to wake up to an empty bed. His side of the mattress is cold, which means that he’s been gone for some time.

You don’t know if it’s just because you’re groggy, but your insides still feel like lead when you sit up. The part of you that nags about this relationship is back at full force when you start thinking about Jaehyun going to a pre-recording two hours after spending the last of his energy on you. You start wondering if you’re doing the right thing if it feels like you’re just dragging him down. Your heart clenches tightly when the worst thought hits — maybe, just maybe, he’s tired of you, too.

But you won’t let him go. More to the point — you can’t. He’s the best part of your life; it’d be a cold day in hell if you decided to leave him.

Even the thought of it makes you feel like dying.

Then again, this isn’t all up to you.

You’re rubbing the sleep out of your eyes — and maybe a couple of frustrated tears — when the door creaks open. You see two mugs and his hands before you see the rest of him come through the doorway. Jaehyun whispers a careful good morning as he sets the coffee down on his table, making sure to push his keyboard away to avoid accidents, before sitting down next to you. You notice that there’s an envelope next to one of the mugs; the flap is slightly open, and from under it, a flash of red peeks out.

His hand finds its way back to your knee — it’s his favorite resting place, he’s told you once. Your lap feels like home, he’d joked. Maybe he touches it every so often because it’s like a reset button for him.

He doesn’t ask if you slept well, or if you want to get ready before having your coffee, or if you’re okay. He just squeezes your knee a little tighter. It’s you that has to start the conversation this time.

“How did it go?”

“It went great. You’ll see it on TV later tonight,” he starts rubbing your thigh idly. “You’ll watch it later, right?”

“Of course. I’ll call you and tell you how cool you look.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. When you lapse into silence again, it’s because you’re expecting him to say something, but he doesn’t come out with it directly. You try not to let it show that you’re worried, that you’re skeptical, that you’re wondering if he thinks he’s too tired, too busy for this, too.

You’re expecting him to start how most break-ups start. You know I love you, right? And then the telltale but… would come, and you would have to hold back your tears and smile for him, and tell him you know, and that you understand it isn’t the right time, but maybe one day, someday, when he isn’t everyone’s Jung Jaehyun anymore — only yours.

“You love me, right?”

It’s not what you’d been expecting. Nor is it the playful little text he’d sent — no laughs, no jokes. His expression is somber, mouth pressed into a thin line.

“You know I do.”

“A lot, right?”

“A lot,” you confirm softly.

“Then whatever it is that you’re thinking about us,” he says quietly. “Don’t. Don’t think it. Don’t do it.”

“Jaehyun—”

“I know it’s hard,” his fingers dig into your skin a little. “I know I put you through a lot. I know you think that I’m suffering because of this relationship too. I know everything. But whatever you think I’m going to do, I won’t do it — not ever. So if you’re thinking of it too, I’m begging you. Don’t. Please.”

Maybe he had noticed all this time. A wave of guilt washes over you when you see the pained look on his face; perhaps you were even more transparent than you’d originally thought. You nod slowly to show your understanding, and he continues.

“I know yesterday wasn’t the best you could have hoped for,” he carefully avoids apologizing, although it’s written all over his features. “For me, too. I… I wanted something different. It’ll be better next time. Do you believe me?”

You hear him swallow — his nails are biting into your thigh a little, so you have to gently peel his hand off. Your fingers replace it, tightening around his palm as you nod.

“I believe you.”

“And you trust me, right?”

“With my life.”

“Then can you put your faith in me right now?” He asks. “Don’t panic. Just — just say yes.”

He pats around his pants, finally deciding to slip his hand into his left-hand pocket. Unlike on the Ferris wheel, he manages to extract something, but he keeps it closed in his fist. It’s shaking a little as he takes your hand in his other one, pressing something small and hard into your palm before he curls your fingers over it. His hold keeps your fist closed as he starts talking.

“It’s not immediate. We’ll figure it out. We’ll tell the right people, and they’ll help us tell everyone else — the public, the press. It doesn’t have to happen right now, or any time soon either— not if you don’t want it to. We can take it slow, or whatever. Anything you want — just as long as it’s with me.”

“Jaehyun,” you shake your head, a little dizzy. “What are you talking about?”

He slowly loosens his hold on your fingers, his hand dropping to the same spot on your knee. You’re free to open your fist, and when you do, you can’t help but feel a little stumped.

“I don’t mean now,” he repeats, now sounding doubly worried. “It’s not — It’s just…”

“You’ll get in trouble. We can’t.”

“I won’t. Not if we do this right. Like I said, we can do it slowly. Months — years, however long it takes to do it well. What it is — it’s just… a promise.”

“A promise,” you echo. It does have a nice ring to it.

“That I’m not leaving you. Not ever. And… if you say yes, that you won’t either.”

Your coffee has probably turned cold. Jaehyun is watching you carefully, looking like he’s trying hard not to bite his lip. You look back down at your hand, and he speaks up again.

“You know I love you, right?”

You smile slightly. “No but?”

“No but,” he agrees.

The ring fits nicely on your finger; maybe it’s well-measured from the amount of times he’s held your hand tightly in his.

“Okay, Jaehyun,” you whisper. “I promise.”

When you place your hand on his, he twists his palm, slender fingers gently twirling the ring around the base of your finger.

Minutes later, he hands you your coffee. It’s sweet and milky, the way he knows you like it best. When he settles back down on the bed, you notice his eyes travel to your finger again, a small smile playing on his lips.

Perhaps, in this moment, you finally learn to ask the right questions — not about if it’s worth it, but if he is.

And in this moment, where he sits in silence with you, the sunlight pouring in from his window hitting the tips of his hair and the end of his nose, with the knowledge that his heart is as full as yours, you come to realize that there can — and never will be — any doubt of that.

382 notes · View notes

meryldian · 11 months

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Hi, i'm loving your work, you're so talented. I was wondering if you could do an arguing with the Kaulitz twins (separate) HC please? ❤

I sure can!! Tysm for the request ִ ࣪𖤐

✶ Arguing with the Kaulitz Twins ✶

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

★ Bill Kaulitz ★

Let’s start softly

This may have been said many, many, many times but it’s true. You guys rarely fight, but! When it comes to little arguments over some petty topics I’m afraid it’s the opposite.

It never lasts long.

You accidentally pulled a loose thread on his silk shirt? He’s going to pout about it for the next thirty minutes

You stepped on him? He will dramatically say you’re plotting against him

Missed a chord on stage? Oh he will be genuinely annoyed for a little while

When it comes to serious arguments though, you need something big to anger him so badly.

It would start just like your usual bickering. Making petty remarks at each other and someetimes avoiding the main issue.

Once his face drops and he goes completely serious you know it's about to go down.

Bill can be very pigheaded so he will stick to his point no matter what. He likes being right just as he likes being in control.

He's the type to speak really fast and cut your word because he feels the need to explain himself.

Is very consious of what he says though, he will never say something hurtful that he doesn't mean.

It's a different story if he actually means it. He's brutally honest and if you did something bad he will tell you without sugarcoating it, even if it can come across as rude.

Bill can take a lot in but there's always a point where he breaks, it's normal.

Look he's not a rude person at all, but he's not one to let things slide either.

A flaw of his is that he may say a hundred things at once and expect you to listen through but there's times when one of your first replies will make him cry or freak out right away. Ofc not always but it's one of the things Bill would need to work on.

He is not that aggressive but is VERY defensive.

Bill doesn't like conflict though, this is really a worst case scenario where something comes up and you guys need to argue it out.

Friendly reminder that it is necessary in relationships to argue from time to time as long as it stays healthy.

If the argument gets too heated Bill prefers that you both part ways for a couple hours to cool down. Then you discuss again after re-arranging your thoughts.

At the end of the day he never meant wrong, he just wants to fix whatever came up.

Bill would feel terrible after you fight. He genuinely fears you’ll leave him or start hating him.

Would not apologize instantly because his pride plays a big game, but give it some minutes or an hour; worst case a day and he will come back sobbing and asking for your forgiveness, expressing how much he loves you and how he never meant to fight.

You’re the type to be angry at each other but still cuddle at night.

Hug him and tell him he's valid please.

☆ Tom Kaulitz ☆

Tom, Tom, Tom

Believe it or not, Tom becomes quite submissive when he's very emphatuated with someone.

He really is at your mercy.

Yet it doesn't change the fact that he's a bit of a hot-head and just like Bill, he likes when he's right.

Let's not forget Tom was a bit of a punk activist growing up. You get what I mean when I say that be likes to get his point across. (Y'all need to read Bill's book if you speak/understand german it's a GEM. There's also a girl narrating some of it in spanish on YT :)

Unfortunately, arguments do happen often. Sometimes it’s really nothing but other times it can get pretty ugly.

When you guys are mad at each other everyone knows that it's better to leave you be because it will get loud.

Your fights range from small discussions that you have often to actual screaming matches when it gets bad.

It's inevitable for the both of you to raise your voices as each other in these cases.

The reasons may vary. It can be miscommunication, ESPECIALLY in 2006-8 when you were still young teens experiencing the world of fame.

Jealousy, for sure. I can see Tom being skilled enough at hiding it but he’s very possessive still.

And well, it’s still Tom. Again if you focus on his earlier years of fame the amount of girls throwing themselves at him can definitely be a cause of conflict.

Unless you’re very chill about it.

There’s definitely still possessiveness on Tom’s side.

I feel like neither of you would really know how to process the frustration.

A little thing to take into consideration is that you’d be the couple that argues, yell that you hate each other and then 10 minutes later you’ll be back to normal and never speak of it again.

Which you need to work on.

It’s because of this very reason that some of your fighting topics can be repetitive.

From what the twins have confessed, they could get pretty aggressive with their surroundings.

Tom would never, NEVER, raise a hand at you. No need to worry.

But the items around him can’t say the same.

He’s the kind of person that feels the anger in him build up physically and needs some release. When he’s fuming, in the worst of scenarios some tables would be kicked or some object would fly around. Just never at you.

This habit does get worked on throughout time though, he matures and grows.

The only physical fight that would ever go down is a pillow fight. Or play fights. Or in bed. But that’s another story.

A bit similar to Bill, Tom needs some time to cool off, just does it more impulsively.

He would walk out sometimes because it’s far too overwhelming.

Makeup sex is a big thing in your relationship.

Tom would love to express himself better and talk things through he simply needs help doing it.

Maybe you’re the help he needs.

#bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #tokio hotel #tokio hotel imagine #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz #gustav schäfer #georg listing #tokio hotel x reader #georg listing x reader #gustav schafer x reader #gustav schaefer #x reader

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todomochi-uwu · 2 months

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Who (6/?) J. Y & S. M

Pairing: Poly! Jeong Yunho x reader x Song Mingi

Genre: Angst, Smut

Warnings: This content is for a mature audience

Synopsis: You can't remember when was the last time you spent time with them, the last "I love you", the last time any of them kissed you.

Author's notes: It's been such a long time, and I'm sorry for that. Life hasn't been quite easy, but as an apology here's some smut. Hope you enjoy.

Other chapters: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee ☕

It had been a couple of weeks since that night, and getting used to being back wasn’t quite as easy as you thought it would be. At first feeling like a stranger to the place you had once called home, and while your lovers may try to help with that, you fear they may seem to be overcompensating a bit.

You woke up because of the ungodly amount of sound that came from the kitchen.

“Yunho?” Your eyes could barely focus on the things in front of you, besides, what the hell was he doing at home at this hour? Wiping the floor?

“Good morning, my love.” He sighed and got up, “I’m sorry did I wake you up? I dropped some pans and spilt milk. I’m sorry I’m a bit of a mess right now.” He kissed your forehead before going back to cooking, “I’m making breakfast, are pancakes, okay? We also have cereal, or I can make you some eggs or…”

“Pancakes are okay, but what are you doing here so late in the morning? Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?” You took a seat on the kitchen bar.

“I’m taking some time off, they asked me to. Just to get my head back on my shoulders.” He flipped a pancake, “Mingi will be back in a second he went to get some orange juice, we ran out yesterday and we know how much you like it and…” He kept on going, but you couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.

You looked at him without saying anything. His hands trembled with every move he made; he kept on rambling, not stopping to take a breath, afraid to let any uncomfortable silences come through. He couldn’t stay put, moving things around, not able to focus on one thing.

Mingi came through the door. His hands were full of grocery bags that threatened to snap and spill what was inside of them. “I’m back!” He set everything on the countertop, bags of snacks spilling out, hygiene products you were missing, and a bunch of things you don’t even remember mentioning you needed. “I bought everything you ask for, my love.”

“Mingi, you didn’t have to buy this all at once. I have most of this stuff back at my place.”

“Oh well, now you have them here.”

After everything that you had gone through you felt like you needed a bit of time alone, to take a step back and process. Having to come to terms with the idea of being single, actually trying to move on, Bang Chan, the club, Yunho and Mingi. All that in such a short period was messing with your head. But your lovers seemed to differ.

“Babe, I will come back earlier from work to take you on a date, okay?”

“Mingi, we went out yesterday, I’m sure Jongho needs your help back at the office.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of everything.”

Yunho wasn’t any different.

“My love, how about we go for a walk? Or would you rather watch a movie? We can go for some ice cream.”

“Yun, don’t you have to study? I saw your calendar and you have an upcoming test.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out.”

You missed them, and not having them around had been a nightmare, but this might be over the top. Not neglecting you didn’t have to mean neglecting everything else. So, a list of all the things you had to do began to form in the back of your head.

First, figure out a way to tell them (in a way that won’t destroy Mingi) that you need some space to understand what’s going on in your head and heart. Second, get some actual work done; bills still need to get paid. Third and last of all (and the one you have been dreading the most) talk to Chan. You weren’t even sure if he would be willing to. Jisung said he hasn’t seen him come out of his apartment, and he doesn’t even answer the door; every single time Minho tried contacting him it goes straight to voice mail. Your friend assures you he only needs a bit of time, but you are not quite sure, this might be it for your friendship, and you won’t lie, it breaks your heart.

____________________________________________

Going back to the first task. You rehearsed over and over again the things you want to say, in your head and front of the mirror, it makes you cringe, but it’s better than to see Mingi drown in tears and sobs.

“I appreciate all the effort you are putting in, but that doesn’t mean you have to neglect everything else in your life...”

“We have to learn how to balance work, our individuality and this relationship...”

“All this will take time, trust is gained slowly, and I’m sure…”

And you swore those would be the words that would come out of your mouth the second dinner was over. It wasn’t easy to explain how you ended up in this position…

Mingi between your legs, lapping at your pussy like a starved man, his mouth alternating between your entrance and your clit, not knowing which one to pleasure first. Meanwhile, Yunho was sucking at your neck, leaving bruises all over the sensitive skin; his fingers pinched and pulled on your nipples, and the sins that came out of his mouth made you tremble.

“Haven’t you missed this, my love?” He said pulling on your earlobe, “Have you missed Mingi eating your sweet, little cunt, mm?”

Mingi let your skin go with a pop, before pushing two of his long, thick fingers inside you without warning, finding a rhythm immediately, kitten licking your clit at the same time.

You couldn’t form any coherent thoughts; pleasure had completely taken over your brain; you could only feel the warmth of Mingi’s tongue and Yunho’s hard cock on your back.

“Please, please, please.” You didn’t even know what you were begging for.

“What do you need, baby? Tell us and we’ll give it to you.”

“I need you.” You whimpered.

“But baby, you have us.” Fucking Yunho, always a tease.

“Please, please Yuyu.”

“You need to tell me, love.”

Mingi’s mouth abandoned your core, leaving you aching and in need of more. “Come on, baby. You have to tell us what you want.” He urged, mocking you. “Use your words.” His fingers kept you on the edge, but not giving you any more.

Your mind is clouded by the overwhelming sensations coursing through your body. "I need..." you began, your voice barely above a whisper, "...both of you."

Yunho's fingers continued their torturous assault on your sensitive buds, while his teeth nipped your skin, "And you will have us."

Mingi resumed his ministrations with renewed fervour. His fingers delved deeper, stroking that sweet spot inside you that sent sparks of pleasure shooting through your veins, while his tongue resumed its teasing assault on your throbbing clit.

“I need to cum, please.”

"Then cum, my love, cum for us.”

With a strangled cry, you let yourself go, surrendering yourself to the overwhelming sea of sensations your lovers were providing. Heavy breaths escaped your chest, a constant ring in your ears, you could barely tell where you were, but one thing was clear, your lovers were not done with you.

You could feel them moving around you. This time Mingi was the one behind you, holding your knees against your chest, placing small kisses and whispering sweet nothings in your ear, his hands massaged your thighs gently.

“You did so good for us, sweetheart.” His fingers traced patterns in your bruised skin.

The familiar sound of the lubricant’s cap opening made you whimper; you had been conditioned to know what would happen next. Yunho and Mingi would always make sure to prepare you to take them, making you cum a couple of times before even trying anything, but tonight you just couldn’t wait, and neither could they.

“Are you ready, my love?” Yunho’s words made you tremble. You felt both their tips in your entrance, ready to claim you at the same time. Mingi kept his hands on your hips while the man in front of you caressed your legs, waiting for your permission to go on. Both of them slightly shaking with excitement and desperation.

“Yes.”

The sensation of being filled by them was overwhelming, but made you feel complete, whole, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. Their movements were slow and hesitant, not wanting to hurt you. Mingi’s moans and whines filled your ears, his hands pinched your skin and his head was thrown back in ecstasy.

“Oh my god, yes, god yes!” He wasn’t concerned by the sounds that left his mouth, too busy enjoying the feeling of your warmth enveloping him.

Yunho wasn’t doing any better, groans constantly leaving his mouth, driving himself deeper inch by inch. His eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly opened, his eyes could only focus on the place where your bodies met and became one. The image of his and Mingi’s cock splitting you open wasn’t new, but goddamn was it the most erotic thing he had ever seen.

You closed your eyes, trying to control yourself. Pain and pleasure danced inside you, intertwining themselves and covering your entire being. Each thrust consumed you entirely, making your moans turn into screams, you could feel yourself teetering over the edge. The blonde´s fingers pushed on the small bud of nerves at your core making tears spill out of your eyes, while Yunho’s lips sucked your nipples raw.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He moaned, his hips never relenting their hellish pace. And a single moment of clarity, his eyes met Mingi’s. The same look of need and lust covered his face, red cheeks and dazed eyes, cries escaping his mouth, a small I love you between them. With what little sanity he had left, he took the younger man’s head and pushed their heads in a kiss. their teeth clashing and tongues sucking on each other in ardour, both of them moaning because of the new stimulation.

“I’m going to cum!” You cried. An explosion of pleasure filled your system, as your body convulsed in ecstasy, making you almost pass out. Yunho and Mingi couldn’t hold back any longer, the tight knot snapped, joining you and spilling their seed inside you. Their essence and yours running down your thighs, ending up in the couch’s leather.

The three of you lay breathless, boneless, but complete. You had for once and for all found your way back to each other, and after what felt like an eternity, everything felt right.

____________________________________________

Taglist:

@tunaasan @scuzmunkie @jeongwangjessmina @certifiedmoa @tenebrisirae @ddaeing @bratty-tingz @myshadowsbackstage @berryfiavoured @jkookiejiminlvr @yunsara @soobiverse @kyeos4ng @asjkdk @popcatx0 @yunho-leeknow @escape-from-realitys-stuff @thedistractedwriter @vsereniasstuff @sundayysunshine @queen-thiccness @toomuchtellyneck @daemon-bunny @hyuk4ngel @rxnexxi @daemon-bunny @toomuchtellyneck @queen-thiccness @queen-beanzzz @faesmingi @imcoenffl @fandom-freak-geek @sunnyhokyu @icouldntcareless22 @idfkeddieishot @wisejudgedragonhairdo @mellikestoread @harriy3nko @yvnhoos @shnstarlight @realviviboss @yeosangiess @astro-doll-the-star @smilefordongil

#ateez #ateez angst #ateez smut #ateez x reader #jeong yunho #mingi angst #mingi smut #yunho x reader #yunho angst #yunho smut #song mingi #ateez mingi #mingi x reader #ateez yunho #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez fic #ateez yungi #todomochi writes

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generalllimaginesss · 7 months

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jackhughes

Liked by elblue6 and others

jackhughes I’ve never been one for sappy posts, but this past year with this little one has been heaven on earth. I’ve heard so many parents complain about lack of sleep, crying, and so many other things, but how can you complain when there’s something so innocent looking at you like this angel looks at us? I’d do this over a million times if it meant you stay this little forever. Happy first birthday. Always and forever going to be my little girl.

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lhughes_06 Thanks for making me the favorite uncle, bro.

_quinnhughes You’re not the favorite.

lhughes_06 Oh my bad, I’ve never heard her say your name so I thought she just didnt know you existed🫢

_quinnhughes she’s one. How tf is she supposed to say a “q” when she’s one?? I wasn’t the one that was 2 days late to the birth because of “plans that you couldn’t get out of.” 🫢

jackhughes if Quinn didn’t live in the middle of nowhere Canada he’d be the favorite by a long shot🫢

elblue6 I could not have chose a better daughter-in-love or granddaughter for my sweet boy. Nonna and Poppa love all three of you beyond words! Also, is my little angel walking yet?

y/nhughes We love you more! She’s not quite able to walk on her own yet, but Jack is making sure she learns to skate before she walks😉

elblue6 I expected nothing less coming from him lol!

trevorzegras it’s cute watching Quinn and Luke argue over who the favorite uncle is when I’m holding her right now. She may not be able to say my name, but she sure as hell cries when I’m not holding her 🫢

_quinnhughes you traumatize her so much when you hold her that she has to let it out when you’re not.

lhughes_06 she probably has ptsd from looking at your face

trevorzegras anyways, happy birthday to my sidekick. Can’t wait to piss your mom and dad off together when you’re older🫶

nicohischier the best thing to come from a Hughes brother. Happy birthday, love!

jackhughes that was a very unnecessary backhanded compliment, Nico.

lhughes_06 I once brought you brownies to practice. I’m hurt.

nicohischier You’re brownies were burnt.

_quinnhughes are you comparing our niece to burnt brownies Luke?

lhughes_06 Quinn, you’re irrelevant.

colecaufield since everybody else ruined your sappy post…Buddy you’re the best dad. She’s absolutely perfect, just like her mom.

trevorzegras I’m deceased

jackhughes I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not Zegras’s bitch

jackhughes sorry I meant caddy. Damn autocorrect.

y/nhughes love you coley!

jackhughes really y/n?

_alexturcotte happy birthday to my favorite baby. make another one so I can have 2 favorites.

jackhughes gotta talk to y/n about that. If it were up to me we’d have 12.

y/nhughes you can have all the babies you want when you push them out :)

y/nhughes our beautiful little family. You both make life so precious.

jackhughes we would be lost without Mama💜

y/nhughes

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y/nhughes On the left was our first day home, and on the right is you just now. They weren’t lying when they said time is a thief. I went through the worst pain in my life bringing you into this word, little girl, but you made me forget about it the second I heard your first cry. Happy first birthday, angel. Mama and Dada love you infinitely times one hundred.

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nhl Happy birthday Baby Hughes!

fanuser1 she’s so perfect. So happy for the Hughes family! Happy birthday!

_quinnhughes Uncle Q’s favorite girl. Happy birthday!

_alexturcotte The sweetest little family. Now add more. ps happy birthday beautiful.

y/nhughes We love you, Turcs! Our favorite babysitter😉

_alexturcotte the true favorite uncle doesn’t have to brag about it🤷‍♂️

fanuser2 I didn’t like y/n at first, but she’s grown on me.

jackhughes same tbh

y/nhughes Jack I stg if you don’t shut up…

bff.user you may have a lot of boys arguing about the favorite uncle, but I’m secure in knowing I’m the best aunt😙

trevorzegras we can be the aunt and uncle power couple😛

bff.user @jackhughes put your friend on a leash

jackhughes I’ll put a muzzle on him while I’m at it.

trevorzegras you all love me ;)

jackhughes unfortunately

elblue6

Liked by jackhughes and others

elblue6 Happy birthday to Nonna and Poppa’s favorite girl! You’re little heart is too good for this world, but we are so blessed for you to share it with us. You look so much like your mama, but you act just like your dada! (I’m saying a prayer for your mom). We can not wait to celebrate you this weekend! With love, Nonna and Poppa.

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#jack hughes #nhl imagine #trevor zegras #alex turcotte #cole caufield #jack hughes imagines #nhl fic #quinn hughes #nhl fanfiction #dad!jack #dad!jackhughes #uncle Quinn #uncle Luke #baby imagines #I’m doing this because I have really bad writers block right now and can’t finish anything I start

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metalomagnetic · 3 months

Text

Snippet

This is from the unpublished Orion/Walburga that I wrote and shared from a couple of weeks ago. A small interaction between Walburga and Tom.

It happens in It Runs in the blood universe.

---

Wanting to feel in control, to humiliate someone the way her own family humiliates her, she goes to Borgin and Burkes; her favourite past time. She’ll never tire of mocking Riddle, shop boy extraordinaire.

He always takes whatever she throws at him, because he has no choice, not with the way Burke fawns over her as soon as she’s through the doors, offering her coffee, tea, ‘anything you would like, Miss, as you look around. Tom, make Miss Black a cup of tea!’.

Walburga likes to stay there for at least half an hour, making Riddle show her all sorts of things, sending him to the back room for special items, and then refusing them. She always buys something, however, only so she can have the oportunity to tip Riddle. It’s the only time his pleasant facade cracks, a murderous look in his eyes, as she throws him an extra galleon.

It never really gets old, no matter how many times she does it.

“I must say, Riddle, you certainly made it in life; I didn’t expect you to get so far,” she says, as he packs her latest purchase that she’ll throw in the trash as soon as she’s out of the crappy shop. “This is a wonderful use of your fourteen N.E.W.Ts.” She smirks. “If you keep pleasing me, I might be persuaded to talk to Father, make a favoruable recomendation for you- we have some abraxans at our country manor, and we are in need of a stable boy, you see.”

A muscle twitches in that annoyingly handsome face of his; a mudblood has no right to bear those aristocratic features.

However, this time, when she tips him, he smiles.

That’s wrong, she thinks. He should get upset. He always does.

Instead, he reaches under the counter and pulls out a small, wrapped box.

“Since you are always so generous,” he says. “Please, allow me to congratulate you for your bethrotal. What a wonderful use for your seven N.W.T.S. I’m sure they will prove of much use in bringing new Black children into the world. I seem to remember Orion saying he wants five sons, when we were in school. May Morgana bless you with twice as many.”

She spits on him. How dare he, the stupid mudblood!?

“You honour me,” he says, wiping the spit off with a perfectly ironed handkerchief, as freakishly neat as he is. “But you should keep your bodily fluids only for your future husband. Rumour goes he is quite jealous; he wouldn’t want to hear you shared that with a lowly shop boy. Merlin forbid, he might have to reprimand you for it.”

She curses him, but he doges it, quick as a kneazle. She knows he can best her in a duel, but he wouldn’t dare, of course. He never retaliated back at school when she threw curses at him, because he must have known her family would have his head on a spike if he disturbed one hair on her head.

#it runs in the blood #Tom Riddle #Walburga Black

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heartsforhavik · 4 months

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Heyyy so I saw your yandere Smoke headcanons and I really enjoyed reading them! Honestly I really love all of your stuff because you're super talented but that in particular was like 👁👁

If you don't mind, may I request some yandere headcanons for Rain as well? If so, thank you so much in advance! I hope you have a nice day/night!

yandere rain/zeffeero x reader hcs

warnings: violence, toxic relationship, stalking, yk regular yandere tendencies

summary: just some hcs of yandere rain in love with (gender neutral) reader who is royalty.

a/n: anon, i cried tears of happiness when i saw that, and then i ran around my bedroom giggling and kicking my feet. anyways i got SO MANY requests for more yandere characters, i’m so glad y’all like it :D yandere liu kang is next so stay tuned.

being the high mage of outworld, rain was pretty much always in the palace. but he never got tired of it. because you were there.

he was so enamored with you, the beautiful person sitting on the throne beside your sisters and mother. you looked so elegant every single day.

rain often stared at you any time you were in the same room. he just stared and thought of your future together. he had no doubt that you two would be together in the future forever. til' death do you part.

even though you don't get to talk to him as much as he'd desire. but that's okay, rain is a very patient and calculated man! he can wait for you to finally realize just how in love he is with you. he isn't worried about *when* you fall in love with him, because he is so confident that you will be together in the future.

for now, he must be very careful. especially because your family has high expectations for who your consort must be.

therefore, he is determined to prove himself worthy of your affections. rain already knows he is worthy, since he is the high mage of outworld, but he works hard every day to prove that title wasn't given for free.

but he is also quite the gentleman when it comes to his attempts at courting you. he often holds doors open for you, learns cute water tricks just to impress you, and often asks you about your day or how you're feeling.

rain just sounds so great, doesn't he? he sounds like such a kind gentleman, surely nothing is wrong with him...

but deep down, zeffeero is so in love with you, he believes he can easily court you and marry you someday. and he is not afraid of taking out his competition in order to do so.

do you remember that one man that was recommended for you to marry? of course you don't, because he never responded back when you accepted. you don't know what happened to him. maybe he is ignoring you? oh well, at least you have the cute hydromancer that is always there for you!

zeffeero is always there for you. your troubles will never last as long as he is there by your side. he will always make you feel better. you need him to feel better, don't you?

he is very determined for you to depend on him. you make him feel so smart and strong when you go to him for advice or help for the smallest things. you need help carrying a couple boxes? no worries, he can just carry them all himself! you don't know which outfit looks better on you? he thinks you look radiant in any outfit you wear, but he would gladly give you his input anyway!

besides, if zeffeero slowly convinces you that you need him, then someday you will be completely devoted to him and you will never leave him. you can't leave him, you need his support and his love. nobody can help you or love you as much as he does.

and he knows you're royalty so you're very well-trained, but he must protect you anytime you need it. he doesn't think the umgadi are fit to defend you. they won't be able to defend you as well as the high mage of outworld can.

also, zeffeero isn't just smart and strong, he is also very considerate and observant. sometimes, he shows up to your bedroom and offers your favorite breakfast in the morning. but.. how did he know what your favorite is? oh, he can just tell by your expression as you eat it. that's it! he totally doesn't stare at you until his eyes go dry and follow you around when you don't notice! he always sees you sneak off into the kitchen at night to grab some of it. he knows, since he always notices when you leave your bedroom.

he likes sneaking into your bedroom and watching you sleep. he studies the way you sleep so he can provide a bed that best suits your needs in your future house. and plus, zeffeero thinks you just look so cute when you’re asleep and vulnerable!

he is also a very good listener. when you need a shoulder to cry on, he is always there to hear you and listen to you rant about your problems or people who hurt you. oh? you noticed that they miraculously stopped messing with you? and they run off as soon as they see you? oh, that's great! it totally wasn't because zeffeero threatened to take their lives...

overall, he's just such a great friend! he would be an even better boyfriend, wouldn't he? maybe even an amazing husband! you should probably reciprocate his affections as soon as he confesses. maybe he can help protect you, since you always get the feeling that you're being watched and followed everywhere you go. i mean, he's not the one watching and following you... right?

#mortal kombat 1 x reader #mk x reader #mk1 x reader #rain x reader #rain mortal kombat #zeffeero x reader #zeffeero #yandere mortal kombat #yandere x reader #yandere zeffeero #this took me so long #cuz i dont know how to write yandere rain

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lukabitch · 1 year

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I'm good at being friends with people but as soon as I start catching romantic feelings, I avoid them like the plague (which is quite counterproductive, I know :/). How would a killer of your choice react to a survivor they're on good terms with suddenly avoiding them for the same reason?

Me too bestie! It’s just feels so awkward talking to them. I’m doing multiple killers because I fell like it. Thank you so much for the request! :)

Tw: Killers being aggressive and possessive.

Killers: Ghostface, Wesker, Trapper, Micheal Myers.

Ghostface:

He immediately knew something was up.

He didn’t know why you were avoiding him he just knew you were.

The two of you would talk all the time when seeing the other outside a trial.

So it was really suspicious when you would duck and hide from him.

It’s starting to get to him more and more. He just couldn’t stay away from you any longer.

Eventually he would find you during a trial and pinned you down.

To say he was frustrated was an understatement.

He certainly wasn’t expecting the answer you gave him. You had feelings for him of all people?

He very quickly warmed up towards you.

Expect to be teased into oblivion about this.

“Aw you like me? Come on say it again! Pretty please?” I swear he’s bratty!

Eventually though he would give you a kiss. A very nice way of saying he likes you back.

This is the start of a beautiful relationship. :)

Wesker:

Uh oh big mistake.

This man is absolutely annoyed.

I mean why can’t you just talk to him? Was someone keeping you from doing so?

He’s a bit more reasonable unlike Ghostie.

He’ll leave a note asking to meet him at a specific spot. It wasn’t the spot the two of you talked at. It was the one you first meet at.

You come around the corner and immediately try and turn back.

He was not letting you go that easy.

He would gently ask why you were avoiding him. He didn’t want to scare you off with being aggressive.

He’s surprisingly gentle and sweet about it.

Omg? You made this man into softy with your cuteness!

Will mumble about how you could have talked to him.

“Sweet boy you could always tell me. I would say yes.”

Awww you two are so sweet together! :)

Trapper:

He’s more sadden by you avoiding him.

Did he do something wrong? Was he too rough in a trial? This poor man was racking his head.

He needs to talk to you but with him being the brute he is it’s a bit tough.

I mean it was almost like he would scare you off!

He would get frustrated not with you but with himself.

He had a plan to keep you in place. Don’t worry it’s not a bear trap.

You were off in the woods and he was able to get behind you. Obviously he startled you but it wasn’t the reason you were squirming.

When he hears that you like him it’s like a weight lifted off his shoulders.

This man is holding you like a teddy.

You’re the most important thing to him in this realm.

He’s going to make sure you know that!

He’ll tell you how much you’ve helped him. He’ll just be saying the sweetest things.

“I love you, you know?” Yes you did in fact know. :)

Micheal Myers:

He’s more confused is anything. He may be a bit angry.

He would try to get closer to you but you’d just run off.

Unlucky for you he’s incredibly good at tracking.

He’ll just follow you until he can confront you.

He’ll grab you and hold you in place. Probably will give one of his head tilts.

He didn’t ask he really couldn’t but hearing you blurt out why was interesting.

He’ll just hold you might press the press the lips of his mask against you.

He somehow manages to be both rough and gentle at the same time.

Considering this man isn’t used to giving and receiving affectionate he doesn’t know what to do.

He can’t exactly communicate his feelings but he’ll try his best.

He’ll do any type of song and dance to get the point across that he likes you.

Eventually you’ll catch on and the two of you just hold each other.

The most quiet and cute couple in the realm!

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fatuismooches · 3 months

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Hi! Hope you’re having a wonderful day today cuz it is STORMING where I’m at and it got me thinking about more fluffy moments with fragile reader and dottore. Like what is dinner like with him or his segments?

I remember a long time ago I read this Reddit post about how a crow broke her beak in an accident 8 years ago and her mate patiently fed her since.

And it got me thinking about fragile reader not being able to eat much due to their illness and so dottore has to aid them by assisting them with their meals.

“I’m sorry”

“What for dearest?”

“For making you have to feed me…I can’t help but feel bad since you have other duties to attend to”

“Well, you cooked for me plenty of times back at the academia. Did you not have other studies to attend to as well?”

“Yeah…”

“Did you want me to feel bad then?”

“Of course not”

“Then why should this be any different? You and I assist each other in our own way, and once you get back on your feet…it will feel no different”

YESSSS..... oh my the fluff is adorable! <3 You do need help with meals, for whatever reason it may be - shaky hands, trouble swallowing, struggling to find motivation, etc - but that is why Dottore and the segments are with you, especially on the bad days. Though you always feel bad that they have to waste their valuable time with you, helping you do something that should be easy but it's not, they always make sure to reassure you that it's no problem. Even on days when you struggle to even take a few bites. When it tastes like nothing.

Maybe you'll get a flick to the forehead too, just to get it into that brain of yours, about how he'll stay to the very end. Just like how you did the same for him in the Akademiya! He'd always bring up examples of helpful things you did back then (the extent of his memory makes you a bit warm) despite your own business. Not just cooking, but fulfilling his own requests and helping around the dorm/his research. You didn't have to do all that for him, and when his younger self questioned you about it, what was your response? Because you wanted to, you'd say with a smile. So, it is no different for him now, it is because he wants to (with the addition of his love for you, but that doesn't need to be said out loud.) So don't worry about the frivolous things and focus on eating.

I imagine even though the segments don't need to eat, reader still tries to feed them some of their food, to get the whole homely dinner part of it - you don't take no for an answer so they do give in eventually. (They definitely prefer the dessert part of dinner.) Dottore on the other hand, would prefer to focus entirely on you rather than fulfill his dietary needs, which you don't like of course - one, because obviously you don't want him skipping meals, and two, it'd be a nice feeling, an old married couple eating dinner together. And so, though he really doesn't understand your point, if it'll help you eat some more, he'll do it. It brings back memories from centuries ago, the two of you snacking on something cheap for dinner because you were too lazy to cook for once, but it was still quite delicious since it was shared between the two of you.

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #it hasnt rained in a few days where im at #its mostly been sunny! sunny but cold ...#really my hands are FREEZING #regardless i would love to have dinner with dottore and the segments... grrrr UGHHH ITS SO CUTE <3333 #I REALLY LOVED THIS ASK... i luv how he responded to reader and reassured them by using their own logic

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sorryimananti-romantic · 1 year

Text

Eternal Sunshine

hongjoong x reader

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind au except i tweaked... a lot

genre and warnings: fluff, angst, suggestive, cursing, violence warning

word count: 23k

synopsis: you and hongjoong meet on the train and instantly connect, going from friends to more. however, you're both plagued by a past that you do not remember, and when you both start to dig into it, you realise that your pasts may be connected and the situation might be graver than you thought.

Your plan to sleep the entire train ride that was about to be 6 hours, travelling from one corner of Wonderland to the other, was failing miserably.

Firstly, it was daytime. Your sleep schedule might be staying up late at night and sleeping for most part of the day but for some reason, it was a hit and miss whenever you were travelling. That meant that if you dozed off the second a journey would start, you would stay asleep for almost the whole part of it. But if you didn’t fall asleep as soon as it started, you would have trouble trying to sleep. And trouble looked like resting your head against the window or any closest surface with eyes shut but brain wide awake.

You could hear the kid whining about not bringing enough snacks for the journey all the way from the end of the cabin. You were sure he wasn’t very loud but you still wanted to go and say something to shut him up. You could also hear the old couple in the back talk about their kids. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but they weren’t being quiet so it wasn’t entirely your fault. You could also hear the constant thrum of the train whooshing on its track, and if you opened your eyes and looked outside, you would see the buildings as a blur.

The only good part about this whole journey was that most of the seats were empty which meant you had quite some space for yourself. Your front seats were empty so you were resting your feet on them. Your arms were folded and your overcoat was keeping you warm. Your pastel pink muffler was bundled in your lap. The coffee you had brought from home had long gone cold in the tumbler. You sighed to yourself- not the best start to the day, but once you would reach Sector 1, you might feel better.

You had no idea how long it had passed when you were woken by a tap to your shoulder- woken from your almost-falling-asleep stage. It made you jerk before you blinked to see who dared disturb.

“I’m sorry, is this yours?” the man asked, your huge black headphones with cat paws on its ears in his hand.

“Ah, must have rolled off from my… bag,” you grimaced at the sight of your tote bag upside down on the floor, a few things having rolled out that the man was already placing on the table with a faint smile. “Sorry for the trouble.”

“It’s alright. I was dozing myself there-” he pointed at the seats next to you at the other corner, “when something bumped my feet.”

“Gosh, I’m a mess,” you finished placing everything in your bag, zipping the bag as you pointedly looked at the man who laughed. You took a second to scan him- he had quite memorable features and appearance. Half bleached hair, glasses that were probably an accessory, pointed features but warmth radiating from his rather cute smile. “Sorry to wake you up, Cruella.”

“I get that a lot,” he grinned, extending his hand. “I’m Hongjoong.”

“Y/n,” you shook his hand, and he pointed to the seat in front of you and you nodded to tell him he was welcome to sit and chat. “Where are you travelling to?”

“Sector 1. You?”

“Same place. You live there?”

“Yep. I was staying a few months at my friend's house in Sector 8, for work.”

“That’s crazy because same,” you laughed. “Glad to be going back home though.”

“Yep,” he nodded. “You look familiar for some reason. Might have come across you either there or back home.”

“You look familiar too, for some strange reason, but I’m sure I would have remembered you,” you pointed at his hair. “I kind of love it.”

“Ah, really?” He touched his hair, laughing nervously and you thought it was cute. “I tend to try different things.”

“I’ve had the same hair since I was born,” you rolled your eyes. “I might go ahead and do something funky one of these days too. And then I would call you my muse.”

“That’d be cool,” he grinned. “So what do you do for work?”

You offered him a chocolate from your bag, taking one for yourself and looking outside- it was almost evening. The train would be taking a break at Sector 4 soon and you wanted to get something warm. “I’m a literary editor for a company. You?”

“Music producer,” he told you and you wowed at that. “It’s not as great as it sounds. When it’s a hobby, it’s all fun and games, but when it becomes work, it can give you a hard time.”

“I relate to that. I used to be a writer until it became too much and I stopped,” you said and he raised a brow but didn’t probe further. He could tell there was a story behind it. “It’s fun when you do something you like for work, even though sometimes it could give you a hard time.”

“That’s true. I noticed your headphones though, and I couldn’t help but wonder if you’re interested in music?”

You couldn’t tell why you could connect to Hongjoong instantly but there was just something about the way he talked that kept you engaged, listening to his every word and then answering more than you would have with any other random stranger. You weren’t one to talk to strangers in the first place- but something about him was so utterly genuine that you found yourself chatting with him for half an hour until you stopped at Sector 4 for an hour-long break. Hongjoong offered you to grab some tea with him and you couldn’t refuse.

“It’s freezing,” you wrapped your muffler around your face like a mummy, leaving only space for the eyes, making Hongjoong laugh- another thing about him that was endearing. He mirrored your action and like mummies, you two walked to the nearest shop to get something warm to hold and drink.

As you sat next to each other on the stools looking out of the window and checking your phones, finally having unwrapped yourselves, you asked him if he was looking forward to finally being home. He passed you a tight-lipped smile, taking a sip before replying.

“I needed to be away from home. I know that for me my home is the most comfortable place in the world, but I don’t know. I somehow needed to get away from there.”

You nodded- you weren’t sure you could relate entirely but you could understand. “It’s like that with people too. Sometimes you want to run away from them even if they mean the whole world to you.”

Hongjoong looked at you. “I guess so. Have you ever had that point in life?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I tend to be the type of person who doesn’t let anyone mean ‘the whole world’ to me anyway.”

Hongjoong unexpectedly laughed at that, making you wonder what was so funny even though you joined. “You must be a hard nut to crack. You don’t give off that vibe.”

��Really? I need to strengthen my defences then- do I seem like an open book to you?” You asked, making him laugh and shake his head again.

“Not an open book but not someone I realised might not be who they seem to be,” he explained and you made an impressed face. “That means you’re doing fine.”

You forgot how you were going to retort when something caught your eye and you turned to look outside the window, realising it was-

“Snowing. It’s snowing!” You grinned, taking his hand and dragging him outside despite his protests, and you two were a laughing mess when you were finally under the snowflakes.

“Aren’t you the one who was just freezing to death moments ago!” Hongjoong laughed, not bothering to dust off the snowflakes anymore and finishing his coffee.

“I do like it when it snows though,” you grinned.

Hongjoong shook his head, taking your cup as well to throw it in the bin and when he came back, he scoffed at the sight of you- trying to hide under the tree to avoid snowflakes on your uncovered face. He stood beside you, watching the ground turn whiter with each passing second. When he looked at you again, there was a snowflake on your cheek and before he knew it, he was brushing it off with his thumb, earning a short but surprised gasp from you, which made him go someplace else entirely before he smiled casually.

“We should go inside.”

Once inside, you two resumed chatting about casual stuff, not trying to get personal, but at some point you fell asleep and Hongjoong watched you with a smile before resting his head on the window and falling asleep across from you. Before you knew it, you had reached Sector 1 and you both were gathering your things.

“I hope to see you again somewhere around,” you said. “It’s a small town. We’ll probably run into each other sooner than we’d expect.”

“I don’t really go outside often, so let’s see,” Hongjoong pouted. “Are we not exchanging phone numbers?”

You smiled faintly at that, wanting to exchange contact information so bad but… there was a side to you he didn’t know about. “Tell you what- the next time we run into each other, we’ll share our numbers first. But for that,” you leaned in a little as if to whisper a secret. “You’ll have to come outside more often.”

Hongjoong shook his head in amusement. “If you catch me standing in the corner of a street looking like a lost kid, you should know it’s because I was waiting for you.”

“Oh, I have a feeling we’ll run into each other before we get to that point,” you winked, spotting your tall friend behind him and extending your hand to Hongjoong. “It was really nice to meet you, Kim Hongjoong. Until we meet again.”

“No wonder you’re a writer,” he scoffed. “Until we meet again… y/n.”

—----------------------------

“Yunho, if you ‘accidentally’ kick my leg one more time, I’m going to break all your toes-”

Yunho choked on his drink, laughing. “This is a small table, and I need space for my legs!”

“Well, you’re the one who brought me here!” You sighed. “Let me just-” You turned your legs against the wall, letting him have the rest of the space to himself. “We good?”

“We’re great,” he grinned mischievously. “Now can you stop whining about every minor inconvenience and tell me how the past six months were at Sector 8?”

You sighed, slumping down further as you sipped on the chocolate milkshake. “It was fine. I’m doing better at work. I just still feel like there’s a spark in me that’s missing. Maybe the creative soul in me has… died, you know?”

“You just need a muse,” he told you as if he had the right answer. “And if you look closer, you might find it right in front of your face-”

“A muse, huh?” Your mind went elsewhere, though, to a person that resembled a certain fictional character. “I haven’t written a book in two years. I’m glad I chose to be anonymous because I don’t think I could have handled the pressure from my fans if they knew who I really was.”

“Fans should know when to give their favourite writers time and space,” he said but you knew he felt sorry too. “I think you should just be glad you didn’t leave a project unfinished or left in the middle of writing a series.”

“Yeah, that’s a big relief,” you nodded enthusiastically, shivering at the prospect of having done any of the two. “I can even say I’m officially retired and have no regrets. Well, not exactly no regrets but at least I’ll be satisfied.”

“Totally, though I wish you could give us one final piece if you do wish to retire,” Yunho made puppy eyes and you glared at him but smiled. He was your best friend but also your biggest fan.

“How’s your new roommate? What was his name again?”

“Seonghwa- he’s really good. Mingi and I are adjusting well with him,” he told you and went into the details about how Seonghwa was working in the music industry and had the kindest soul. “He’s also kinda hot so I think you should really come over sometimes because I can’t hear you whine about how lonely you are anymore-”

“Speak for yourself,” you scoffed. “One girl breaks your heart and you swear off relationships. It’s a wonder you didn’t kick me out of your circle.”

Yunho sighed deeply. “At least I don’t complain about being lonely, y/n.”

He was right- it was usually you, and since during the last six months you and Yunho only talked through text or calls, he heard it more. Life in Sector 8 wasn’t full of parties and all. It was just being holed up in your room, occasionally being dragged by one of your friends there to the outside world for lunch or dinner. Other than that, you focused on work. It was an opportunity you didn’t want to miss and if that meant being away from home for half a year, you didn’t care.

Especially when you were pretty sure you were going to go crazy.

As if Yunho knew exactly what was going on in your head, he asked, “You still have those daydreams?”

“They’ve turned into dreams,” you looked at him. “It feels like another life, Yunho. And I know I could write about it, but I don’t think I can.”

“You should stop being scared of what’s inside your head,” he said. “I don’t get what you’re so afraid of.”

“I don’t get it either,” you muttered.

On the way back home, you took your time, taking the longer route to your apartment, just wanting to roam around your hometown and soak in everything and see what had changed. No matter how much it changed, you realised, it would still feel like home every time. Safe, but you found yourself looking over your shoulder a few times. Warm, but you would suddenly feel chills. The weather was pleasant though and you were enjoying yourself, kind of glad it wasn’t snowing yet.

Your mind immediately went back to Hongjoong. You wondered where he was and if you were ever going to run into him again. You were pretty sure you would, but the reason why you didn’t take his phone number that day was something you needed time for.

Your daydreams- they were like flashes of an alternate life. In that life, you looked the same. You went to the same places, but you were with someone else- someone with hair the most pretty shade of blue. You didn’t remember what he looked like, nor did you recall how he sounded. But you were happy and you were loved. Those feelings were sometimes so intense that you would feel as if a part of you had been snatched from you.

Before you moved away for work, you were plagued by those daydreams. You didn’t recall when they started coming, but by the time you noticed, you realised that they were distracting you from life. You started writing, wondering if it was just another prompt or idea you needed to get out of your head but that didn’t work- they were out of control. And when you stopped writing and started working, it plagued your nights.

You took the job for Sector 8 wondering if you needed to be away from your home, your hometown, to get away from the memories of someone that was you- that was what it felt like. Memories- or maybe they hadn’t even happened yet.

Or maybe you were becoming delusional, way too much into fantasising about what could have been. But the whole year you spent telling yourself that you had read and written way too much fiction and needed to get back to real life and stop imagining things, that night at the train with Hongjoong made you wonder if you were wrong about yourself.

It wasn’t anything he did. It’s just that when you fell asleep, you had a dream about the blue-haired guy after a long time. And in that dream, you were thrumming along to a beat you were listening to.

“You like that?” The blue-haired guy asked. You tried looking at him, but it was like you couldn’t see him. You did not know whether he was older or younger than you. You did not know what he looked like, other than the unique hair.

“You’re so good at this,” you replied, squeezing his hands and noticing a detail you hadn’t seen before- a single nail painted blue.

When you woke up, you wondered where you had seen that. And when Hongjoong extended his hand to say goodbye, you noticed it. The same pinky finger, but painted black. How many people have you met who painted only their pinky finger?

You were fearing that the lines between your dreams and reality were becoming blurry, which is why you left in the first place. It didn’t help that Hongjoong popped out of nowhere with an all too familiar vibe. Perhaps you dreamt about the painted pinky finger because of Hongjoong. Perhaps your blue haired guy never even touched nail paint- if he existed in the first place.

You stepped inside your apartment, dropping your bag on the couch and going to wash your face, cleaning up and changing before coming to your room and stopping in front of your wall with the softboard- the one where you chalked ideas, put polaroids of your memories, finding a lot of picture with Yunho and Mingi. And then you stared at the pattern of these photos- there was none.

That’s what bugged you. You were eerily meticulous with how you arranged every part of your room. How you arranged your notes, the photos on your wall, your stationery, everything. And one strange day, you woke up and nothing in your room made sense to you. It was as if you had been placed into someplace foreign, even though it was your home.

And that’s when the daydreams started. You searched the internet when it got worse but found nothing relevant. You gave up but didn’t change anything in your ‘new’ room, hoping it would one day rock your memory- if there was something in your memory in the first place.

You pulled the covers over yourself, pushing away the thoughts and welcoming sleep after a long day.

—---------------------

You did not expect to run into Hongjoong so soon.

You were expecting at least a month to pass before you would stumble upon him somewhere- probably shopping for groceries if he lived in your area, or maybe at a cafe or a restaurant, maybe at a club. But certainly not in the middle of the night when you rushed out of your home to take a breather.

You were speed-walking to the park, thinking about the dream you just had. The blue-haired boy holding you so close- you could still feel the warmth of his touch on your arms. His voice- sometimes sounding familiar, sometimes sounding alien. But what really did it for you tonight was an all too familiar place- you had only been there once. The book-cafe in Sector 7. You had only been to Sector 7 once, and you recalled that you were not alone, however, no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t remember just who had accompanied you. But you had definitely been there- it was not a dream or a daydream. You could remember the layout of that place, the books you read there. You even found one of your books there and had a good laugh about it- with who?

You were thinking just that when you spotted your Cruella, dressed in all black, sitting on a bench with headphones on, staring into the distance- as if he, too, was trying to recall something but couldn’t. You smiled, forgetting all about the dream and instead taking a detour to sneak up on him from behind and sit beside him like a stranger would. He glanced at you and went back to staring into the distance and you watched recognition click on his face before he shifted his full attention towards you.

“I can’t believe this,” Hongjoong laughed, taking off his headphones. “What were the chances?”

“Is meeting in the middle of the night our thing now?” You shook his hand, scoffing.

“Maybe it is,” he winked. “Do you live in this area?”

“Actually, yes. Block F,” you told him and he nodded.

“Block K,” he told you and you nodded- it wasn’t very far but it wasn’t close either. “How does it feel to be back home?”

“Strange but welcoming,” you shrugged. “How’s your sample coming along?”

You were talking about the sample he’d shown you on the train- some song he was composing for a band. “It’s been approved. You wanna hear it?”

“Hell yes,” you grinned, taking his headphones. “What are you calling it?”

“You gotta listen to it first,” he told you and you made a face but listened to the instrumental song, now fully composed.

And you were in love instantly. With the song, of course.

Hongjoong could tell you were enjoying it- the way your brows were furrowed as you focused, the way you were literally on your toes but slowly thrumming along to the beat. It made him a little giddy. And when you took off his headphones, you were gaping at him.

“It’s changed a lot since the last time, but I’m not complaining at all. It’s a masterpiece!” You exhaled, looking at him with wonder. “You’re truly an artist, Hongjoong.”

“Ah, you’re flattering me way too much,” he laughed, cheeks flushed and waving his hands dismissively. “It’s called Horizon. Does the name fit?”

“Definitely,” you mimicked his posture from when you found him sitting here. “Is that why you were staring at the… horizon?” Hongjoong stared at you deadpan, making you hide your face. “Admit it. That was funny.”

“A little,” he finally shook his head in amusement. “What brought you here in the middle of the night though?”

The smile fell off your lips. “Dreams.”

“Dreams and not nightmares? That’s new,” he made a face but he relaxed back, staring into the distance with you. “Care to share?”

“Just… very vivid dreams. Sometimes I wonder what was real and what was a dream.”

“I actually know what you mean,” he admitted and you looked at him. “I still think about those dreams and at this point, I’ve probably already mixed them with reality.”

You frowned. “When did you start having these dreams?”

“About a year ago, I think. It was a strange time for me, with work and all,” he sighed but you were thinking about how it was a coincidence- you started having these dreams around a year ago too. “We’re both artists, you and I, y/n. My medium is music and yours is writing. When we get a little too creative… I guess it happens. Dreams become mixed with reality, and we have to take a step back but it keeps plaguing us, back there in our heads. Isn’t that why you needed a change of pace and became a literary editor?”

“No one has figured me out this quickly, not even my therapist,” you exhaled and the two of you began laughing at the absurdity. “But you’re right. Is that why you decided to go to Sector 8 too?”

“I only went four months ago to work with a producer, but I know I wouldn’t have if I didn’t need to get out of this place,” Hongjoong told you. “But I’m saying that I totally get what you mean. And I think it’s good to dream- better than not dreaming at all.”

“That’s kinda poetic,” you teased. “But is it good to dream if you can’t figure out what’s real and what’s not?”

“That’s the fun part, isn’t it?” Hongjoong smiled. “You get to decide.”

You looked at him- really looked at him this time. Messy hair, tired but sparkling eyes, lazy smile, relaxed posture. Was life so easy for him? To figure out stuff like this? Maybe you need to stop being so strict with yourself and start acting a little like Hongjoong.

But… there was a strange tug in your heart that told you that you needed to delve into your past to figure stuff out before you ever decide to dismiss it. At least after the dream tonight.

So you straightened and smiled at Hongjoong before telling him, “I think if we can’t differentiate between dreams and reality… we need to get a grip. If you don’t even know yourself, how are you supposed to move on and begin to know other people?”

“But we never truly know ourselves,” he countered. “We do things that surprise even us.”

“But we should be aware of ourselves, and you, Hongjoong,” you poked his temple, making him groan and laugh at the same time. “You need to be aware of yourself too. And don’t give me the ‘I’m very aware’ bullshit. We’re in this shit together, it seems.”

“Well then, let’s find self-awareness together, shall we?” You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or was just teasing you. “Also, are you going to ditch me like last time or do I get to have your phone number now?”

You grinned at him and exchanged contact information. “Let’s meet for coffee sometime?”

“Definitely,” he nodded and you looked at the time. “You should get going.”

“You should too,” you pursed your lips. “It’s almost 4.”

“You wanna see something?” He asked out of the blue and you raised your brow, even more in surprise when he took your hand and led you to where a bunch of trees were, making you laugh out loud when he gently pushed you down by the shoulders to make you sit, and then he lied down.

“Come,” he patted the space next to him and you lied down as well, frowning at him in mild amusement.

“You think this is a nice spot to sleep?”

“Shut up and look,” he pointed upwards and you followed his gaze-

Finding stars shine from between the leaves of the trees. “Woah. That’s something I’d like to see before sleeping every night.”

“I know,” he smiled. “I like to watch this when I can’t sleep at night.”

“I can see why,” you said and looked at Hongjoong-

His side-profile looked awfully familiar. It was unique- he had those features you rarely saw on anyone. A very memorable and handsome face. Now why did he look familiar?

You were having a daydream again- or was it a flashback? You were lying down just like this, right here, with your blue-haired boy.

“Y/n?” Hongjoong clicked his fingers in front of you and you shook yourself out of the trance.

“Can I ask you something?” You cleared your throat and he nodded. “Do you dye your hair often?”

Hongjoong was thrown back by the sudden curiosity and he laughed a little. “Yeah, you could say. I’ve had ginger hair, blonde, pink, blue and red too. I’ve tried many different colours.”

Blue.

“Blue sounds interesting. Do you have some pictures of yourself from when you had blue hair?”

“Not right now- I got a new phone a few days ago so it’s basically empty,” he told you and you nodded. “You like blue?”

“Yep,” you smiled. “I think it’s my favourite colour. But I really like your hair now too. I never thought it would look this good on a person.”

“Thanks,” Hongjoong smiled shyly. “I think I’m going to keep it for a while.”

“Sounds good,” you turned to look up, trying not to conjure up the image of blue-haired Hongjoong.

—------------------

Your coffee date with Hongjoong had taken a wilder turn than any of you had intended.

Firstly, you showed up half an hour late, making up the excuse of ‘work’ when the real reason was that you spent hours in front of the mirror trying different outfits because Hongjoong was always looking incredibly good with all his details and you were honestly a mess in comparison.

Secondly, you were wondering if this was a ‘date’ or just a casual meetup where you’re still getting to know each other and becoming friends. You were pretty sure it was the second but that didn’t keep you from stressing over the fact that you, for the first time in years, were trying to socialise with a random stranger. Your only other friends were Yunho and Mingi, both from high school. And they couldn’t help but make fun of you.

“You think seeing me after six months would have done it,” Mingi began, glancing at Yunho, “but she shows up at my place with her hair looking like a nest and in her sweats, barely holding herself up with her laptop and books, and asks to stay over because she needed a break. That’s how she decided to meet me.”

“Ah, is that so?” Yunho laughed. “She looked pretty decent when she met me. I almost got scared.”

“That was because I was coming back from work,” you looked at Yunho pointedly, and then turned to Mingi. “And that was because I was in the library all day and didn’t have the energy to go all the way back home. Your place was like two streets away. And Yunho- you missed that. I even met Seonghwa- the new roommate.”

“Oh? In that state?” Yunho groaned. “My plan to set you two up has already failed then.”

“He liked me,” you simply said. “We talked a bit.”

“That’s just him being kind,” Mingi scoffed. “When you went to sleep, he asked me if you were ‘alright’. He looked like he knew you from someplace.”

“Oh, goodness,” you stopped drying your hair. “Did I look that bad? And he should have told me if I looked familiar.”

“Not your best, you gotta admit,” Mingi ran a hand through his brown hair. “And you’re getting dolled up for a stranger you met on the train? I don’t recall the last time you actually made an effort to look good for someone.”

“I’m not doing it for him, I’m doing it for me,” you said but Yunho and Mingi didn’t look pleased. You rolled your eyes. “Fine. I want to look good. And don’t give me that look- it’s not a date. We’re only friends, still getting to know each other-”

“Which means the possibility is there,” Yunho grinned. “I hope it works this time.”

“What do you mean this time?” You frowned- you didn’t recall any previous time.

“Weren’t you maybe dating someone like two years ago?” Yunho tried to recall. “You didn’t tell us the details but I think you were.”

“Was I?” You frowned. “I don’t remember-”

Your phone buzzed and you read the text from Hongjoong saying he had arrived at the cafe, which was when you realised you were running late. You had to push Yunho and Mingi out of your room so you could finally change and get ready without further distractions.

So now that you were in front of Hongjoong late, anxiously wondering if this was a date, and already feeling nervous because of how good he was looking in all-black, you were wondering just what was happening- especially when Hongjoong asked you if you wanted to join him at the music festival that was taking place in the arena- he had just gotten two free passes from a friend who was working there.

“Wow, that’s gotta be wild!” You laughed nervously. You wanted to go so badly-

“We can skip if you want to,” Hongjoong was carefully scanning your face.

“No, I’m just wondering if I have any prior engagements for tonight,” you asked him to give you a second so you could check your schedule. You were free. You glanced up at him with a growing smile which he reflected. “Am I underdressed?”

“Nobody cares, we’re good,” Hongjoong said after scanning your outfit. "You look pretty in blue."

"Thanks," you smiled shyly, wondering what it was about him that made you nervous. "You look pretty in everything."

Hongjoong laughed out loud. "That's something I needed to hear."

"I'm not joking!" You huffed. "My friends were making fun of me because I couldn't decide what to wear. You look like someone who would look good in a sack too."

"That's definitely an exaggeration," he scoffed but leaned forward, face resting casually on his hands. "Were you dressing up for me? Is that why you're so late?"

You didn't expect the rush of heat in your stomach but you liked the thrill. "And if I was?"

Hongjoong shook his head, amused. "Let's make the most of tonight then, huh?"

As you exited the cafe, you bumped into a woman who seemed to be in a rush, making her bag drop. You sighed, helping her up and handing her the bag with an apology.

“It’s okay,” she smiled at you and then at Hongjoong and her smile fell. You frowned at that.

“Are you feeling alright?” You asked. “Let me help you inside- you look pale.”

“No, it’s alright, I just need to get my coffee,” she said, scanning you both again with a smile this time. “Date night?”

Hongjoong and you laughed at that. “Kind of,” he said.

“Good luck,” she patted your shoulder and you watched her go inside.

“She seemed familiar for some reason,” Hongjoong said.

“It looked like you seemed familiar to her too,” you commented. “Maybe an old colleague?”

“Maybe. Let’s go.”

A few minutes later, you were at the arena, the combination of loud music and Hongjoong holding your hand as he guided you through the crowd making your heart sound like it was between your ears. Thankfully, it wasn't very crowded. Hongjoong led you to the front where the band was rehearsing before they would start playing- they started lowering the volume and Hongjoong turned towards you.

"Do you prefer watching or would you like to dance along?"

"I think once I'm feeling it, I might dance along," you shrugged. "I can't say- it's been a while since I came to someplace like this."

"Well, I guess you'll be learning a few things about yourself tonight," he winked, noticing that he was still holding your hand. "Should we stay here then?"

"For now," you nodded, squeezing his hand in appreciation before leaving it, taking a deep breath and smiling as you looked around. "You must come here often."

"I haven't been here in a while as well," he looked troubled and you decided not to ask further about the reason. "But I feel kind of nostalgic now that I'm here."

"I'm excited to see what you look like when you're in your medium, Kim Hongjoong," you teased and he rolled his eyes.

"You have to see me in my workplace. You won't recognise me."

You raised a brow- somehow, you had imagined that he looked kind of hot as he worked. He had that kind of vibe to him. But as if he had read your mind (or noticed you biting your lips) he shook his head. "People avoid me when I'm working on something. I really don't wanna be disturbed and I get frustrated easily too."

"That's pretty similar to writing. When I have an idea, I need all my attention focused on writing. If someone distracts me, I'll burst."

Hongjoong smiled, nodding. It was very true. "For now, I think we can let loose and enjoy."

As if on cue, the speakers were back at full volume, making you grit your teeth momentarily as you got used to the sound of your bones shaking and then you were swaying along to the beat in a light manner, much like Hongjoong. He seemed to know the song- or maybe he was just better at this than you, but his grin told you you were doing just fine.

The rest of the night was a blur- it took you only another few songs to completely lose yourself into the music. You were soon reflecting Hongjoong’s wild energy and if you could see yourself from afar at that moment, you wouldn’t recognise yourself. It was as if either something had possessed you or you’d finally let go of the things bothering you.

When you exited the arena and went to the food stalls, Hongjoong grabbed water bottles and you took a big few gulps before exhaling loudly. “I think I should have just come to a concert before deciding I was depressed and needed to change my environment. This is free therapy!”

Hongjoong laughed loudly. “Post-concert depression is also a thing. Don’t move around after that.”

“Really?” You said but realised that your heart was still pounding and your legs were still thrumming along to some beat. “You better deal with that mess then.”

“Oh, I will,” he smirked and you raised a brow. You hadn’t missed the ‘casual’ touches Hongjoong had passed throughout the concert, nor had you missed how he glanced at you more often than necessary. And he alone wasn’t to blame- you hadn’t been subtle either. There was an undeniable pull between you two and it wasn’t helping that you two were tiptoeing around it and not addressing it. “You wanna take a walk and calm down before we go home?”

You nodded and didn’t protest when he took your hand in his and guided you to the exit, avoiding people he recognised because he didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed. Once you were out, you intertwined your fingers as a silent thanks and to let him know you didn’t mind holding hands.

“I won’t forget tonight,” Hongjoong’s voice was low. “I enjoyed it very much.”

“Me too,” you pursed your lips. “It was also a bit nostalgic being there- I don’t know why, but I just felt… like I’ve been there before.”

“Really?” Hongjoong looked genuinely surprised. “I felt the same- I’ve been to many concerts but this was the first time I felt so nostalgic- but more like I was having an intense deja vu.”

“I think it’s us,” you grinned at him. “When I was writing for fun, I read something that stuck with me- that there are some people we know in another reality. We instantly feel a connection with them and they make us feel like we’ve been there before- with them. Do you think so too?”

“I didn’t know it was actually a thing,” Hongjoong seemed fascinated. “I thought it was just because I liked you a little too much.”

You tried suppressing a grin but failed, bumping against him on purpose, squeezing his hand. He copied that and you two giggled like kids. “That’s the most cheesy thing I’ve heard in a while. I think I should use it in one of my books.”

“I’d read that,” he laughed and you both paused when you reached the intersection- you were to go left and he to right. He turned you towards him, looking down at your still joined hands. “I think you should let go now.”

“I think you’re the one still holding, see?” You flexed your fingers in his hand and he chuckled.

“I’m taking you to dinner next time- a real date. If… if you’d like to,” Hongjoong asked cautiously.

You pretended to think about it. “I think I’d like to. Very much. Good night, Hongjoong, and thank you for today.”

You leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek, making his eyes go wide in surprise. You grinned at that, waving and rushing off before he could respond because god, he looked absolutely hot when he looked at you that way.

And you were glad he had voiced that he liked you and that you weren’t hallucinating or reading too much into things. Because you liked Kim Hongjoong very much. It was strange how it felt like you had known him longer than the actual few weeks because you weren’t the kind of person to open up to someone this quickly, nor did you get along with many people.

You put your hands in your pocket as you walked back and felt something in one of the pockets- a card. You took it out and frowned in confusion- you didn’t remember putting this business card in your pocket, nor did you remember ever meeting Lee Sunmi from ‘Wonderland Intelligence Service’. The WIS was a government organisation- something not even known to the general public. Why did you have the business card of someone from the WIS?

As you got home and changed, you sat in front of your laptop on the table, staring at your plain black desktop screen, zoned out. There was this feeling like something scratching at your subconscious- you just couldn’t figure it out. And when you felt something wet on your cheeks, you realised it was tears. You wiped your face, suddenly overwhelmed, and decided to cry your heart out when you couldn’t hold it back anymore.

You couldn’t figure out what was this sadness clinging to you like a part of your soul- it followed you everywhere. You couldn’t find its origin nor could you see its end. All you knew was that there was something you had forgotten- it couldn’t just be your dreams and imagination making you sad. There was no way. You had forgotten something, and whatever it was, it must have been important to you.

You needed to find answers. And you would start with yourself. Tomorrow.

Tonight, you cry, alone.

In his apartment, having washed up, Hongjoong sat in his studio-room in front of his big setup of laptops and PCs, a mess of wires and screens and speakers and earphones lying around. It was always comforting to simply sit and stare, even if he wasn’t working. He thought about the concert earlier, about you, with a faint smile on his face.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had let loose like this. You probably wouldn’t believe it if he told you, but he wasn’t always like this. There was just something utterly familiar and comforting and welcoming about you that made him open up to you and befriend you, that made him want more than being just friends. He thought you were absolutely pretty- in the way you held yourself, in the way you talked. And he had seen a new side of you tonight- the wild side, and oh, he knew in that moment that he was done for. There was no coming back now.

He had to have you.

Hongjoong opened up a few folders, trying to find old concert footage or photos from the last time he went- probably a year or two ago, maybe even earlier. He had a habit of organising his folders by years, and he went to open the one from last year, not finding much, just some photos of the scenery that usually served as inspiration when he produced or composed. He opened the folder from two years ago, finding photos of-

Sector 7? The board read Sector 7 in one of the photos. He frowned as he tried to recall- when exactly had he gone to Sector 7? He couldn’t quite recall and he thought it odd- he wasn’t one with memory issues, he had never been. Hongjoong opened one of the photos- Sector 7 was famous for its hills and rivers. He scrolled through the photos of clouds, hills, flowers, finding a few of himself and then some of a cafe- a book cafe, it looked like.

Hongjoong stared at the photo for a long time- it seemed awfully familiar but it was odd that he couldn’t recall what he was doing at a book cafe. He wasn’t the type to go to cafes alone- certainly not book cafes. It was also a bit odd that he could only recall fragments of his trip if he tried hard. He shrugged, opening his music files from that year- perhaps something would rock his memory.

There were surprisingly more tracks there than he had expected. He opened a random one, which was a guitar sample. Before he could open another, his phone rang and he went to find it, finding his old friend Seonghwa calling and he slumped on the bed, talking to him for a long part of the night and catching up, forgetting all about the audio and music files in his folder.

—---------------------

“Do you ever think that you’ve been replaced in another reality? That you’ve… switched with the ‘you’ of the other dimension?”

“What in the world have you been reading again?” Mingi looked up from his laptop to frown at you. “Don’t tell me you stayed up all night reading those conspiracy theories again.”

“Doesn’t it make sense?” You continued, pouting as you played with the rings on your fingers. “You remember everything because you’ve lived the same life, but at the same time, some of your memories… there’s a glitch.”

“Definitely the conspiracy theories,” Yunho muttered, not even bothering to look up at you as he worked on something, picking his mug to take a sip of his coffee. “Why are you here again? I thought you had better places to be.”

“This was ‘better places’,” you threw a pen at Yunho who scoffed. “I am unwanted. I should make myself scarce.”

“Now you realise, after like a decade of our friendship,” Mingi sighed deeply and you cursed out loud, straightening when you heard keys jingle and the door unlocking.

“Hi guys- oh, you’re here too,” Seonghwa waved at you and you smiled, waving back. “I’m just stopping by to throw my stuff- I’m hanging out with a friend tonight. Don’t wait for me at dinner.”

“Ah, we’ll have to order takeout again,” Mingi sighed again and Yunho laughed. Seonghwa stopped to point his finger accusingly at the two before rushing to his room. You looked at Yunho who was eyeing you rather suspiciously.

“What?” You challenged- you had told him you were not interested in Seonghwa like that, but Yunho seemed intent to do something about your relationship status, saying it was necessary at this point- you had been single way too long.

“Nothing,” Yunho stifled a smile and you all waved at Seonghwa as he said bye. You looked back at Yunho. “Can you stop smiling like a clown and tell me- if you knew your memories were going to be lost, what would you do?”

“If and only if you’re writing again, I’ll answer,” Yunho challenged. You pursed your lips.

“Maybe I will.”

“Fine,” Yunho straightened, thinking. It had always been like this- you, sitting aimlessly around the two, throwing the most random questions and mostly talking to yourself. It helped straighten your thoughts out and that helped when you wrote. “So I know my memories are going to be lost, and I want to protect the cherished ones?”

“Kind of, yes,” you nodded, thinking about your dreams. “There’s someone important to you that you’re going to forget. You can’t avoid it. What would you do?”

“Maybe you wanted to forget them,” Mingi almost mumbled. He looked up from his laptop to find you two staring at him. “Just a thought, carry on.”

You made a face and Yunho reflected, saying, “That’s plausible too. But… maybe I’d keep something in case I want to remember, huh? How would that even work?”

“Maybe a journal or a picture… or an object that would remind me of them?” You mused. “But all of that’s easily manipulated. Something I would know for sure is real.”

“And you can’t rely on your memories, if they come back?” Yunho looked confused. “Because you can’t figure out what was real and what was your imagination. I read something similar once too.”

“Yeah, so what would you do?” You asked.

“I don’t know,” Yunho shrugged. “Probably hide something that belonged to them in a place only I would know.”

“Or hide something in plain sight but decipherable only to you- if you want to remember,” Mingi contributed and you did a double-take because that was the kind of thing you would do as well. “Maybe you shouldn’t be looking too far, you know?”

“You’re kind of a genius, Mingi,” you acknowledged and he simply saluted.

“But the kind of people you both are, you’d be staring right at it for the rest of your life and never figure it out,” Yunho sighed and the two of you laughed- that was something that was definitely a possibility with you and Mingi. “You’ll have better luck hiding a time capsule. At least you could be right about the location if you ever decide to bury one.”

“But… where would I bury a time capsule?” Mingi was not fully invested in the discussion, having put aside his laptop and shifting on the couch. “I have several places in mind. Do I go digging around at each site? I’d look like a maniac”

“Think of a place special to you,” Yunho mused, relaxing back. “Some place you go to when you’re alone. A place special to you, known only to you.”

“I don’t have such a place I think,” you said, disappointed. “Probably my room is the closest to the description.”

Mingi snickered at that and Yunho shook his head, “There’s always such a place for everyone. You just gotta think.”

You did think when you got back home that night. You combed through your room, spending hours rearranging the mess in your drawers, pausing at certain objects with a smile- like the mini penguin plushie from Mingi at your last birthday or the box of stationery from Yunho which contained everything you needed whenever you were in the process of writing something- markers, sticky notes, even some words of affirmations handwritten by Yunho himself, some scolding you to stop slacking.

Some objects made you sad as well- remnants of your childhood, of your parents, a few items making you incredibly nostalgic. But everything you owned had a distinct memory attached to it- there was nothing out of the ordinary in your room. You even searched through your laptop for any journal entries (you weren’t the type, though) or anything, but the only thing amiss was a draft for what you assumed had to be a story prompt. It was in a folder where you kept the few selfies you sometimes took. You thought it was odd that a text file was there but it had probably been because you were in a rush. You opened it and skimmed through it- some plot about a writer being a spy hired by her country to investigate illegal activities in the entertainment industry. You smiled to yourself- it wasn’t an unusual plot for you as you usually wrote crime novels, but there was a hint of romance in this one, which was new because you never wanted to add romance in your books.

You sighed- maybe you were losing it, maybe you needed to go out more.

And when Hongjoong texted and offered to take you out on a lunch date two days later, you agreed, forgetting about the blue-haired boy that had been plaguing your thoughts recently.

—-----------------

Hanging out with Hongjoong every other day was becoming a part of your routine- meeting up for coffee in the evenings, getting dinner together a few times or just late night walks in the park when you first met him- because you lived so close to each other, it wasn’t too hard to meet up. And you weren’t going to complain- you were in a better mood these days, as observed by Mingi and Yunho.

They teased you often about Hongjoong- you hadn’t told them anything about him yet. You knew they would never let you live if things with Hongjoong didn’t turn out like you were expecting, so you teased them to bits especially when they tried guessing his name.

“Sometimes I have a feeling that it’s Seonghwa- but then… he would have told us, right?” Yunho looked at Mingi and he scoffed.

“Seonghwa wouldn’t like her,” Mingi pointed with his controller, going back to playing the video game as if he hadn’t just insulted you.

“Excuse me? What’s so wrong about me, why are you always like this?” You were whining now, poking his thigh with your feet that were sprawled over the couch and Yunho laughed.

“I’m just saying Seonghwa knows better. You’re a mess, frankly. No wonder you’re still single- ouch!”

“Well deserved,” Yunho agreed with you this time, complimenting your aim- you had tossed a pillow at Mingi and it had barely missed his eyes. “She’s not that bad-”

“Not helping, Yunho,” you put a finger on your lips, indicating to him to shut up if he couldn’t say anything better. “Honestly? Admit it I’m better than those girls who put on this fake persona. At least I’m real. Who doesn’t like that? What if I was a stuck-up bitch who only cared about how her nails looked- oh, hi, Seonghwa.”

You didn’t mind Seonghwa now, mostly because he didn’t mind your presence, though he had been wary for the first few times you came over. He explained that it was just because he was shy but you got comfortable with each other soon- perhaps because with Yunho and Mingi present, it felt like you were all old friends.

It didn’t help that Seonghwa knew way more about you than you’d like, thanks to certain two loud-mouthed friends of yours. Seonghwa waved, sitting across from you. “You were saying?”

“Nothing,” you smiled sweetly but Yunho had other plans.

“She’s still not telling us who it is she’s been meeting up with. She’s not even telling us if they’re still friends or more,” Yunho sighed dramatically.

“She’ll tell you when she wants to, isn’t that right?” Seonghwa winked at her and you looked at him gratefully. “You haven’t ordered yet, have you? I should ask Hongjoong when he’s coming.”

You frowned, watching Seonghwa fish out his phone and text ‘Hongjoong’. “Your friend who’s joining us today- he’s called Hongjoong?”

“Yep,” Seonghwa finished texting, looking up. You had a funny look on your face as you looked at Yunho who was following you and you scoffed.

“What are the chances?” You muttered.

“AH, so he’s called Hongjoong?” Yunho raised a brow. “Let’s wait for this Hongjoong to arrive then. Let’s not talk more about him.”

You felt a sudden thrill- was it really such a small world you lived in? And if Hongjoong really was Seonghwa’s friend… that would be a big coincidence.

And it turned out to be right. When you spotted the familiar ‘oreo-hair’, as you titled it, you hid your face in your hands for a moment before looking up at Hongjoong, who paused and looked at everyone in the room before back at you, and then you two were laughing like madmen.

“I’m kicking them both out,” Mingi got up, laughing along as he dragged you by the arm. “Get out of my apartment, you’re scaring me with the way you’re laughing!”

“No, it’s just…” you finished laughing, wiping your eyes. “He’s the Hongjoong that I- that I’m friends with.”

“Just friends?” Seonghwa asked. “I thought Hongjoong loved you or something-”

“Shut up, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong smacked his arms. “We’re… dating. I think.”

“You think?” Yunho guided Hongjoong to sit. “You better tell us everything, the two of you.”

And so you did. You two were meeting up every other day, yes. Maybe you could call it a date, but you two found out that you preferred really getting to know each other before defining your relationship- friends, or more. And so far, you two were still confused.

“You two definitely like each other, look at the hearts in your eyes,” Seonghwa sighed dramatically. “Get a room.”

“Seonghwa, please,” you groaned. Seonghwa was one of Hongjoong’s oldest friends and you felt like you could instantly trust him- and that also made you two more comfortable with each other, as friends. “Shut up and eat.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he obeyed, taking another slice of pizza. “So you two met on the train, then by chance, found each other in the park. And now you’re dating. You should write a book. And you, Hongjoong. I bet you’ve already written a song about her.”

Mingi snickered at that and Hongjoong groaned loudly. “Let’s leave, y/n.”

“Let’s,” you folded your arms, waiting for anyone to stop you but the three hyenas were too busy laughing and eating. “I hate you all.”

“Hate is a strong word,” Mingi commented.

“I wish there was a stronger word in my head right now,” you smiled sweetly at him and then looked at Hongjoong. “You know, if you had mentioned a certain Seonghwa being your friend, I would have connected the dots.”

“I did!” Hongjoong said. “I’m sure I did… you could have mentioned Yunho or Mingi too!”

The two of you got into an argument that escalated from being bad with names to arguing about why you had memory issues recently and why Hongjoong couldn’t separate dreams from reality when you realised the three of them were quietly listening to everything.

“My god,” Mingi was the first to break the silence. “They’re just like each other.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled and for the rest of the night you tolerated your group of friends, giving in to their teasing. That’s just how it was between the three of you, and from the looks of it, Seonghwa and Hongjoong shared a similar relationship as well. You found yourself looking around, heart full- these were your people.

You wished you all would stay like this for a long time.

When it was almost midnight, you grabbed your stuff and said goodbyes. Hongjoong was quick to get up and offered to walk you and you nodded- you two would be going to the same path anyway, at least for a while.

“It’s a small world,” Hongjoong found himself laughing as the two of you walked through the streets. “I never expected this.”

“Me neither,” you grinned. “It was becoming a joke at this point because I wasn’t telling your name to any of them on purpose.”

“Why though?” Hongjoong sounded curious. “Because they would tease you?”

“Oh, I’m used to that, it even goes over my head now,” you shook your head. “It’s just… I’ve had a bad experience with dating- god, that sounds wrong. I just mean that dating rarely works for me, which has become an inside joke now.”

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right guy yet?” Hongjoong looked hopeful and you passed him a look but then sighed.

“I think it’s a me-problem. I’m rarely ever emotionally available. That doesn’t sit well with people- they don’t expect it from me even if I tell them beforehand. And when they do find out… it doesn’t end well.”

“I can relate to that- I’m more of the ‘physically absent’ person when it comes to dating, being always busy with work. I’ve always put work as my priority and that doesn’t sit well with people.”

“They say they understand, they all do… but they never really understand. I’m just- I don’t deal with the dramatics, Hongjoong. I hate it when someone’s being vague with me. I want to hear the truth, and I want to tell the truth. That sounds simple but that’s probably the hardest thing to do.”

“It is,” Hongjoong was nodding. “The truth isn’t always what people want to hear.”

“I think,” you were now stepping in the blocks of the tiles along the pavement and Hongjoong found it adorable that you were avoiding the lines. “I think I really like you Hongjoong. You’re honest, unfiltered, and you know your priorities. I like that. I’m just figuring out if we’re better off as friends or if we should try being more.”

“Ah,” Hongjoong’s heart did a somersault. “I kind of understand what you meant about yourself. You make it sound like it’s very simple, y/n, making that sort of a decision.”

“Isn’t it?” You stopped and turned to him, grinning. “I like you. I could kiss you right now. But if you tell me we think we’re better off as friends, I would-”

You didn’t get to complete your sentence because Hongjoong had cupped your face and was kissing you urgently, as if trying to tell you to stop thinking anymore. You got the message and brought your hands to his shoulders, squeezing them as you kissed him back, tasting chocolate from the dessert you had just before you left. You kissed him deeper, stifling a groan because he could kiss, and his hands travelling to the back of your head and cradling your neck were driving you insane.

Hongjoong broke apart, your breaths mingling as he rested his forehead against yours. “I- I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, y/n. Can we try being more than friends?”

“Of course,” your response was quick. “I didn’t realise that you liked me this much.”

Hongjoong laughed when you poked his stomach. He poked it back, drawing apart a bit and tucking your hair back. “There’s just something about you that speaks to me in a familiar way. I think we’d be good together, don’t you think so?”

You nodded. You two could be good together. You snaked your hand in his and urged him to walk with you. “Do you want to go to Sector 7 with me, Hongjoong?”

“Sector 7? What for?” He asked.

“There’s a place I need to go,” you sighed deeply. “I need to solve a mystery. And I need you with me as I do it.”

“You’re being weird,” Hongjoong teased but when he saw that you were serious, he paused. “Is this about your dreams- the flashbacks? You want to confirm?”

“Kind of, yeah,” you nodded. You had told him about your flashbacks- of a presence that you missed, of places you’ve been to or things you’ve done that you no longer had a memory of.

Surprisingly, Hongjoong hadn’t deemed you insane. He had been nothing but a great help, telling you that it was okay, urging you to explore and find answers if it was bugging you to the point that you had trouble sleeping. Hongjoong squeezed your hand yet again, as he had so many times. “I’ll be with you.”

That night, the two of you discovered a missing piece in the long-forgotten puzzle.

Hongjoong sat, lovestruck, in front of his PC, scrolling through some old samples looking for inspiration. He came upon an unclosed tab from days ago- those samples that he didn’t recall producing. And when he played all of them patiently, his chest tight from the intense deja vu, he couldn’t help but think that he, too, had a mystery to solve. And perhaps, going to Sector 7 with you would rock his memory. It was incredibly odd that you were going to Sector 7 because of a similar question as well- maybe you two didn’t realise it yet but you were both on the same journey, with one destination. But why- how could this happen?

How could this happen, you thought as you went through the draft that you had read a few days ago. It was starting to look less like a draft and more like a narration of events- there was the blue haired boy. He was a producer. The main character was a writer. And the blue haired boy had said something-

“Cold snowflakes wither and fall Until you bloom as a spring flower I’ll be with you-”

You hadn’t made the connection until you were showering after coming back, recalling what Hongjoong had said just before you had parted ways- ‘I’ll be with you’. It would have been a casual phrase but then you recalled seeing these lyrics in Hongjoong’s music journal- he was working on the rhythm for the song. As soon as you finished showering, you were wondering just where you had heard it before- and then about an hour later, you found it in your draft.

Could your blue haired boy really be Hongjoong? If so, what was the reason you didn’t remember him? You supposed there was only one way to find out- Sector 7.

—--------------------

You decided not to mention that you suspected Hongjoong to be your blue haired boy for several reasons. He could be pretending not to know you, which was very suspicious. He could have forgotten you as well, which was more suspicious. But you were going to be testing Hongjoong today- you were going to be watching his every move and see just what was going on.

Clearly, he was doing the same thing as you. As you two sat in the train, deciding public transport would be the best since you had no idea how long this trip would take, you both were feeling that same deja vu like the last time you shared a train journey together, and…

You both were staring at each other. Without shame.

Hongjoong was the first to give in with a nervous laugh and he brushed his clothes, running a hand through his hair. “You know… I don’t like being watched.”

“Maybe you’re just a very pretty sight to see, you know,” you were chewing gum fiercely. “Maybe I’m… memorising your face. After all, we kissed two days ago. I thought we were going somewhere, Hongjoong-”

“Stop teasing me,” he laughed, and your heart swelled when you found his cheeks flushed. Even if Hongjoong wasn’t who he was pretending to be, which you were maybe 49 percent sure was the case, he was still a very cute and handsome and sexy guy. You mentally slapped yourself for not coming up with better vocabulary as a writer, but hey, what could you say? He did render you at loss for words oftentimes.

“Are we not going to address where we stand, Hongjoong?” You teased again, poking his shoes with your own.

“I think…” Hongjoong scanned you and you made weird faces but he tried to be serious. “I think that I don’t know who you are, y/n.”

“Well, we never really know each other. I won’t claim I know myself either, at this point,” you almost mumbled the last part.

“I can relate to that,” Hongjoong sighed, scooting to the corner. “Why are we really going to Sector 7? And I need to hear the truth this time, y/n. You’re not giving me answers and I don’t know why I followed you- I mean, I trust you. I feel like I can trust you, but I don’t know where we are headed.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that you trust me,” you said- you really were. “It’s just… I don’t know why I’m going either. I just need to go and I need to find some answers. I need to clear my suspicions. I think I forgot something important, Hongjoong. We’re visiting a book cafe- I hope to find answers there.”

Hongjoong straightened up after hearing that. Could it be? “The book cafe at the top of the hill?”

“Ah, you’ve been there?” Now that was news to you and certainly made things more confusing.

“I think I have,” Hongjoong nodded. “I was scrolling through some old photos and found some. I don’t really recall going there, though, which is odd.”

“Well, I think you might be involved then, Hongjoong,” you said cautiously and he frowned in confusion. “Did you, perhaps, have blue hair when you went to that book cafe?”

“From the pictures I saw? Yes. But did we go at the same time?” Hongjoong asked. “Do you remember when you went there? I checked the date- I went around 2 years ago.”

“I don’t have proof that I went there, just… flashbacks,” you sighed. “Which is why I cannot trust my memory and need concrete proof. And I don’t want to think of you as the blue haired boy until I’m sure it was you. Because if you think about it… could we have known each other? Really? What is this then, mind wiping? Time travel? Alternate reality?”

“Slow down,” Hongjoong grinned.

“I might be going overboard with my imagination but I’m not crazy, Hongjoong,” you said but Hongjoong nodded sarcastically- you didn’t sound very convincing. You groaned, giving in. “Okay, yes, I’m going to prove that I’m not crazy. Why are you going?”

“To prove that I’m not crazy,” Hongjoong admitted and you raised a brow. “I found some samples that I don’t remember producing. A few photos that I don’t remember taking. And they were kind of hidden, in my own laptop, if that makes sense,” he looked at you. “As if I hid them from myself.”

“Crazy because I found a draft too,” you told him. “It’s supposed to be a story but I think it’s meant to be a narration.”

“But if we did know each other… and if we’ve forgotten- I’m entertaining this crazy impossible idea only because we’re on the train and we have time to kill,” he looked pointedly at you and you scoffed. “But… what I’m saying is that if we knew each other… the people around us would have known about us too, right? Like Seonghwa, Yunho, Mingi. But we’re all strangers, aren’t we?”

“But the timeline…” you leaned forward. “It was almost a year ago that I woke up in my room and thought that I was an alien because nothing in my room made sense to me! I told you about that- I always, always make patterns, but there were missing photos on the softboard, the room was a mess-”

“One drunken night could do wonders-”

“We’re theorising, okay, let’s explore every possibility,” you slapped his thigh and he shrugged. “I was feeling so disoriented. Didn’t something like that happen to you too?”

“It did,” he had told you about it- it wasn’t as obvious to him but he felt this intense dread for no reason. It was like he had lost something important but didn’t know. The kind of gut feeling you get when something bad is about to happen. “But it could have been a coincidence.”

“Duh, but we’re thinking of possibilities other than coincidences,” you leaned back, biting your nails as you thought. “It can’t be a past life. It could be an alternate reality but… let’s think realistically first, huh?”

“Sure,” Hongjoong laughed. “Such a realistic trip we’re going on.”

“Look, if you think I’ve lost it after this trip, we can pretend the kiss never happened and go back to being friends,” you laughed but it fell when you saw the look Hongjoong gave- like he was going to scold you. “Unless you don’t want to be friends anymore?”

You almost sank to your knees- you hadn’t entertained the possibility that Hongjoong might actually think that you are nuts and never want to see you again. But when Hongjoong leaned forward and grabbed your hands in his, you found him smiling.

“One of the reasons I like you is because of your brain- even though it doesn’t make sense most of the time,” he laughed and you joined, feeling relieved. “I like how you think. You make me look at the world differently, y/n.”

“Yeah. The crazy pov must help a lot with producing and stuff, huh?” You said and he chuckled.

“I just connect with you, crazy or not,” Hongjoong said. “We’re friends no matter what. We’re friends first, no matter what answers we might find ahead. Can we shake hands on that?”

“Definitely,” you shook hands with him.

“If what you’re thinking is true… it could be something ugly,” he sounded grim. “But… let’s remember this moment. I would like you to hold my hand if I want to run away, and I can do the same for you.”

“Hongjoong, you’re gonna make me cry,” your lips were quivering as you looked up.

“Don’t cry,” he cupped your face, wiping your eyes. “Let’s trust each other, okay? Let’s not hide things.”

“Let’s not run away from the truth,” you added and he nodded, kissing your forehead. “Talking about the truth, what if one of our friends knows about us but is hiding it from us?”

It was Hongjoong’s turn to smack the spot on your forehead where he had just kissed you. “You think too much, I’ll admit.”

“Ah,” you shook your head in disappointment, drawing away. “All that talk about finding my brain sexy was lies, huh?”

“First of all, I never called your brain sexy!” Hongjoong was laughing.

“That’s how it translated in my head!”

And so, the two of you bickered and made fun of each other until you reached the station. You both had only one backpack each with a change of clothes so you were quick and anxious to get out of the train, immediately gasping at the sudden change of scenery.

Sector 7 was everything Sector 8 wasn’t. For starters, the train station was cleaner- no wrappers lying around, no drunkards lining the walls. It was all monochrome and had a retro vibe to it- but then again, Sector 7 was known for leaning towards nature and cleanliness rather than the modern mess which seemed to be your home’s staple.

“The air feels so… different,” Hongjoong looked at you as you exited, picking a stray leaf from your hair. “Everything smells… cleaner.”

“Definitely,” you took a deep breath. “I can feel my lungs opening. I can’t believe how suffocating our hometown is. Maybe I should have moved here instead of Sector 1- at least I could have come back healthier.”

Hongjoong laughed. “Sector 1 really wasn’t much different from Sector 8, huh?”

“Yep,” you scoffed, looking at your phone for all the book cafes in Sector 7. “Just more modern and messier. Also, you should have taken a photo of the name of the cafe, Hongjoong. Really would have saved us the trip.”

“We have time to kill, don’t we?” Hongjoong shrugged, smiling. “Besides, how many book cafes could there be in one sector?”

An astonishing five was the answer. It seemed like the people here had a thing for book cafes. Sector 7 was the smallest sector but it had more book cafes than any other sector. And since it was a hilly area, you couldn’t rule out your options, and Hongjoong’s photos of the inside of the cafe weren’t helping much, though you did rank the cafes from the most probable to the least before marking the route on the map before taking the bus to get dropped off at the foot of one of the two hills that had two cafes.

“Better be one of them,” you sighed, looking up- the hill looked smaller in the photos on the internet. “That’s quite a hike.”

“I hope it’ll be worth it,” Hongjoong was mirroring your position.

“Shush. We’re having fun whether we find something or not. That’s the plan, remember?” You smiled and he took your hand, squeezing it before following you up to the trail.

Though the first cafe had a similar interior to the one you could see from the few pictures Hongjoong had, you decided it wasn’t the one after surveying. You did grab coffee to go and decided to rest before hiking up. You were checking your group chat with Yunho and Mingi which made you scoff internally- they were being wild.

Mingi: I hope you’re having… ‘fun’.

Yunho: Let’s not disturb her today hehehe

“What’s so funny?” Hongjoong snickered. “You know you can laugh.”

You let out the laugh you had been holding. “Just Yunho and Mingi. They can get weird sometimes, especially in our group chat.”

“Tell me about it,” Hongjoong scoffed. “We have a group chat of 6 and boy, does it get crazy. I keep them on mute.”

“Is that the one with Seonghwa? He seems… mature.”

“Mature?” Hongjoong laughed. “To you, maybe. He’s still a kid.”

You noticed how Hongjoong was smiling. “You adore him.”

“I don’t,” Hongjoong didn’t sound convincing and you shrugged. “Okay, yeah, of course I do.”

“See, that wasn’t too hard,” you stretched your limbs. “I adore Yunho and Mingi too- at times when the desire to kill them is less stronger.”

“Yeah, that’s more relatable,” Hongjoong agreed, finishing his coffee. “Do you think… if we knew each other, and one of our friends knew about us… they didn’t tell us on purpose?”

You looked at him- that was something you had discussed on your train ride too but it seemed like the possibility stayed with him. “Isn’t Seonghwa your closest friend? Has he done anything to make you feel like that could actually be a possibility? Because I was just rambling on the train-”

“I don’t know,” Hongjoong sighed, leaning forward and watching his shoes stick in the grass. He recalled the time when he found you at his place during dinner with the boys. Seonghwa had, just for a moment, looked at Hongjoong like he had found something he wasn’t supposed to find though he had been pretty normal later- a bit too normal, if he could admit. “I don’t know how I’ll feel if that’s the case.”

You took Hongjoong’s hand in yours, tracing his fingers. “You have cute hands.”

“Shut up,” he laughed.

“No, really,” you laughed back, taking a deep breath. “Seonghwa seems like someone who genuinely cares about you. Even if he did that, which is a possibility I’m not actually entertaining, but even if he didn’t tell you about this on purpose… I’m sure he had his reasons, Hongjoong. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, right? He’s been your friend for like a decade, just like Yunho and Mingi with me, right?”

Hongjoong nodded. “If Yunho and Mingi did that to you, would you hate them?”

“I don’t think I can ever hate them. That’s how it is with friends,” you squeezed his hand. “I won’t hate anyone after finding out the truth. Maybe the only person I’ll hate is myself.”

“You should be kind to yourself,” Hongjoong almost whispered, turning towards you. “I believe you, you know. Even if we find out nothing today, even if the dots don’t connect… I believe in you.”

You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t help watching his eyes sparkle like there were more worlds to explore than the one you were in. You couldn’t help but not smile when he did, when his face shifted into warmth and loveliness, so you went ahead and pecked his lips, lingering a bit before you drew back, clearly having surprised him. Before you could regret the decision and maybe apologise, Hongjoong was cupping your face with one hand and bringing you forward to meet his lips in a proper kiss and after you recovered from the shock, you were kissing him back with equal enthusiasm, ditching your coffee to fist his shirt as you brought him closer.

“Shit,” Hongjoong breathed as he broke the kiss, shaking his head in amusement. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

You grinned, pulling him closer for the dramatics. “You can always back out.”

“Nah, I’m enjoying this,” Hongjoong cupped your face in both hands this time as he kissed you and you were amazed, blown by how good he was at kissing. He knew what exactly to do and you were submitting to him. You only pulled apart when you heard the faint sound of passersby but he finished with a peck to your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ear.

You stifled a smile, suddenly shy, watching him straighten his clothes and hair and when he was done, he looked at you. “Done staring?”

“Nope,” you muttered, continuing to watch him as he picked up both your cups and threw them in the trash can. “I’ve suddenly forgotten what we were supposed to do.”

“We’re hiking up, hello?” Hongjoong snapped his fingers in front of you and you came to your senses. He extended his hand and you took it, helping you get up. “Done already?”

“Done for,” you teased as you elbowed him, making him grin. “You should know that this was supposed to be a platonic investigation trip.”

“We can make it a romantic mystery trip,” Hongjoong suggested.

“Gosh, you sound cheesy,” you made a face and he laughed. “No wonder you’ve been single for so long. Whoever would tolerate such cheesiness?”

“Says you!” Hongjoong scoffed. “When’s the last time you dated?”

“Oops,” you flinched. “Does the imaginary blue haired boy count? Pretty sure I’m dating him…”

“You can’t two-time on me,” Hongjoong narrowed his eyes.

“Whatever. He’s prettier,” you mumbled.

“You don’t even know what he looks like!”

And somehow, with the constant teasing and bickering (and a few kisses exchanged to prove a few points), you were outside the second cafe- Cafe Crescent. With folded arms, you scanned the exterior- all wood and greens, and then looked at the view it provided with the outdoor sitting- you could see the majority of Sector 7 from this point of the hill.

“Pretty cool. We should have lunch here, what do you say?” You asked.

“Yep, definitely. I don’t think I can tolerate the sound of your growling stomach anymore…”

“I should just friendzone you,” you decided before urging him to follow you, ignoring his chuckles. Once you stepped inside though, you both automatically shut up.

“This has to be it,” Hongjoong was the first one to say. You agreed, and you placed your orders before surveying the inside, pretending to look at the books that lined one whole wall. There was a variety of genres that made you pleased.

“We have the more recent books in the back too,” one of the staff pointed. “Along with a photobooth, if you’re up for it.”

“Thank you,” you smiled and you two decided to eat first, in case you would lose your appetite later.

And you were right about that. After you finished eating, which was quick since you two were silent eaters, you went to the back, wowing- the back was more pastels, just like in the photos that Hongjoong had. There were two large bookshelves and some couches and the smell of coffee in the air just made it perfect.

“I like it here,” you mumbled, scanning the shelves and scoffing when you found your own book there. “Hongjoong? Do you wanna see my book?”

“Your book is here?” Hongjoong wowed. “That’s nice.”

“There it is,” you picked it out. Hongjoong had already read your book before he knew you so he was quite surprised when he found out you were a published writer. You opened the first page and smiled to yourself- the nostalgia was strong with this one.

“Let me see,” Hongjoong asked and you gave him the book, which he was skimming through as you went to the photobooth and saw several polaroids stuck to a softboard- of tourists, probably. You were looking at them when you felt Hongjoong tap your shoulder.

“Uhh, you might want to see this.”

You leaned forward to see what he was pointing at, surprised to find a doodle with your signature- a blue haired boy and a girl that looked an awful lot like you.

“Only I would dare to doodle in my own book, huh?” You muttered as you took the book, inspecting it closely. You skimmed through the rest of the pages, finding a few words that were highlighted in blue. “I think I should sit down and see what the random highlighted parts are about.”

“Sure, I’ll look for another book if they have,” Hongjoong offered and you nodded. Hongjoong asked the staff if they had more works or copies by that author, but it seemed like the one in your hand was the only copy they had, so he sat with you and you noted every highlighted word that came in random intervals, noticing that sometimes a single letter was highlighted as well.

It took about half an hour- and complaining about the length of your own book- when Hongjoong had the words down and he stared at the long note in confusion.

“Forget… do… not… love… you… one… the… and what’s with these letters?”

“Do not forget the one you love?” You translated for him and he wowed.

“You’re quick.”

“Let me see this,” you took the note from him, working on arranging the rest of the message while he fidgeted in nervousness and by the time you were done, you were looking at Hongjoong in disbelief, passing him the note to read.

“Do not forget the one you love. Your mind may forget but your heart will remember. If there is one memory you could keep it is of him. Ignorance is bliss.”

“Does this make sense to you?” Hongjoong asked, noticing the unarranged letters. “And what’s this?”

“Go ahead and figure it out. It’s an anagram.”

Hongjoong stared at the jumbled letters for barely a few seconds before he looked at you. “That’s… my name.”

“Kim Hongjoong,” you pursed your lips. “You are my blue haired boy.”

“Wait- hold up,” he stared at the note, feeling his heart sink. “It doesn’t make any sense- I… what does this mean?”

“It means I might have to look closer than I thought,” you got up, going to the softboard glancing at the polaroids. “Where would I hide something I wouldn’t want to forget? In plain sight. I might have to look through my room again, and I think you should too.”

“But,” Hongjoong stood next to you with the note in his hand. “If we knew each other, why have we forgotten?”

“Ignorance is bliss,” you quoted. “I think we’re not supposed to remember each other for some strange reason.”

“And the biggest question- how did we forget? The both of us?” He sighed. “It just… doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s as confusing for you as it is for me,” you noticed a polaroid peeking from behind another photo- the only one not on display in the entire board. “But…” you said as you leaned forward and unpinned that photo, not expecting to see two familiar faces in the photo behind. “I… think we have concrete proof now.”

The photo was a selfie of Hongjoong in blue hair with you sporting bangs that you had some two or three years ago. Hongjoong looked at you in disbelief and then at the photo- it looked like he had a hard time processing all of this. He handed you the photo and muttered something about getting air, leaving you inside the cafe.

You stared at the photo- it was taken at this very photobooth, and dated the same as the pictures Hongjoong had. Hongjoong and you were cheek to cheek, grinning like idiots. Idiots in love, you thought, smiling to yourself despite the absurdity of the situation. You turned the polaroid, not surprised to see your writing on it.

“To the love that I may forget, I hope we find each other again.

P.S.: Contact Lee Sunmi.”

The name sounded familiar and you wondered where you had heard of it before. You put the photo in your pocket and took your and Hongjoong’s stuff, placed your book back on the shelf and found Hongjoong sitting on a bench at the edge of the hill, wiping his face. You could understand how he felt- you had been entertaining so many possibilities for a while now, but he probably hadn’t thought it could be real- and the fact that he was involved in this and had forgotten you too…

You joined him on the bench, staring ahead at the sun setting. You let a few minutes of comfortable silence pass before you showed him the backside of the polaroid.

“I knew you were familiar from the moment I saw you. I have never, ever opened up to someone in such a short amount of time as I did with you. And I think it’s because it was so easy,” Hongjoong said, “It was so easy being with you. As if I had known you for a long time.”

You nodded, scooting closer and then hesitating. “You can back out, Hongjoong. If you don’t want to learn the rest of the truth-”

“No- I want to. I want to remember you, y/n,” he looked at you, his hair falling over his eyes. “I want to know why I had to forget someone I loved. I want to know who it was that took me to Sector 7, who took me places I don’t remember going, who made me create music that I don’t remember composing. I want to know why I woke up one day and felt like something had been snatched from me.”

“You don’t know if you loved me, though,” you smiled. “You could have hated me.”

“I think I’m sure,” he smiled back, eyes glazed. “I wouldn’t be taking a picture this close with someone I hated,” he waved the photo and you laughed.

“Well then,” you shivered as a cold crept up your spine. “Do you think us meeting again was fate or a planned coincidence?”

“I’d like to find that out, too,” he sighed, taking your hand. “I know it said ‘ignorance is bliss’ and we might be diving into something dangerous because let’s face it- who possesses the power to wipe memories? That’s insane and the only two things I can come up with are both realistic and bullshit.”

“The government, realistically, or something supernatural, which might be bullshit?” You asked.

“Exactly,” he took a deep breath. “You’re a writer. I’m a producer. Have we ever worked for the government?”

“Not that I know of…”

“And are we interesting enough to the supernatural?” Hongjoong made a ridiculous face. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe I am,” you pouted.

“Shut up,” Hongjoong laughed. “Either way, let’s explore the realistic option first, even though it might be less probable than a supernatural event…”

“Look who’s talking crazy,” you grinned. “You’re turning into me!”

“I need a detox day after this trip,” Hongjoong said and you elbowed him. “Who’s this Lee Sunmi anyway?”

“Let’s look into that first,” you said and he agreed.

—----------------------------

Everything had changed, yet it felt like you were fitting into each other like a puzzle long forgotten.

You both had decided not to tell any of your friends for two reasons- the obvious one being that the situation was unbelievably ridiculous, and second… the gnawing fear that they knew all along and were pretending.

You both had no idea who Lee Sunmi was and you couldn’t risk asking people so you decided to work this out at a tolerable pace- visit places together in hopes that you’d get your memory or fragments of it back, visiting each other’s place and going through old photos together- you were together in none of them.

Visiting Hongjoong’s apartment was an experience- it didn’t rock any memory nor did it feel familiar, but it was just a strange feeling visiting your boyfriend’s apartment for what was the first time but wasn’t really. He told you that he practically lived in his studio at the place he worked so you should probably visit that.

For Hongjoong, he found your apartment unusually familiar. He hadn’t recalled much from his past, and he was afraid that his memories would get mixed up with what he would be conjuring up in his head now. He was relying more on you who often got dreams but you both decided not to believe everything you dreamt of. So when Hongjoong stepped in your apartment and nostalgia hit him like a truck, he had to pause and take a seat.

“I think I know what your room looks like,” he looked at you.

“You could have just said you wanted to see my room, but that’s okay too,” you teased and he rolled his eyes, following you into your room.

“I… expected it to be more coherent and organised, I’ll admit-”

“You’re not wrong,” you told him. “I woke up one day to this-” you motioned around. “Like, look at this,” you showed him the softboard which had a few notes of your current work in progress and a few photos. “I’ve always created patterns- in colours, or sizes, or shapes. This looks like I stuck things wherever I found space.”

“Something I would do,” Hongjoong grinned. “So that was your first clue that something was wrong? I would have dismissed it as being high.”

“Yes, that was my first concrete clue,” you glared at him. “And turns out I was right. I also have this draft here,” you pulled your chair and made Hongjoong sit on it in front of the pc while you opened the document standing near him. “The narration I told you about, practically hidden in plain sight. I have no memory of writing it- and no, I don’t write when I’m ‘high’.”

“I believe you,” he placed a hand around your waist casually to assure you, though it sent butterflies in your stomach. You took a breath before showing him the clues in the document.

“It sounds like a plot for a crime novel, I know, but my life’s been starting to feel like that too. This is practically my villain origin story- I’m one step closer to losing it everyday.”

“Me too,” Hongjoong mumbled, skimming through it and frowning. “But this isn’t as unbelievable as it looks. I work in KQ entertainment, right? One of its subsidiaries had rumours of trainees going missing but there was never any concrete evidence to prove the case.”

“Really?” You frowned. “So if what I wrote is true, I was a spy hired to investigate that? But I’m not a spy, and even if I somehow managed to get that job, how come I forgot everything?”

Hongjoong shifted towards you, his hand travelling down your arm absently as he looked up at you. “If it was just one of us, it could have been an accident, but it’s the both of us, apparently. Which means, somehow I was involved. Was I a spy too? Were we rivals? Did you get close to me to access the industry-”

“Which is the plot of every other movie these days,” you laughed. “But I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to start an actual relationship with you if that was the case. I would have just seduced you-”

“Hey!”

“For a one night stand or something,” you laughed. “Come on. I wouldn’t make a dumb spy!”

“And how exactly would you have managed to seduce me?” Hongjoong’s voice was dangerously low as he asked, pulling you towards him and you put a hand on his shoulder to hold steady. “I’d like a demonstration.”

“I think you are easily seducible- you did approach me on the train first,” you teased.

“Yeah. I totally found your half sleeping figure the sexiest,” Hongjoong made a face and you slapped his shoulder, grinning. You trailed a finger along his face, from the temple down to the jaw, tracing it until you reached his chin and tilted it up, making him face you properly.

“You were saying?” You asked, letting your finger trail down his throat, down to the collar to draw circles on whatever skin you could see. You met his eyes and found his eyes glazed with something unrecognisable and it was almost too much- god, the way he sometimes looked at you. You could feel your entire heart sinking into your stomach.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you tilted his face so he could stop looking at you but he held your hand.

“Like what?” He pulled you over him, making you sit on his lap. “Like this?”

He was perfect. His black and white hair was the most perfect mess you had seen and you couldn’t resist the urge to run your hands through his hair, finding it incredibly soft. His hands found home at your waist and when he hooked his thumbs under your shirt, you shut your eyes for a second, relishing the feeling.

“You make me feel overwhelmed when you look at me like that,” you admitted. “Not in a bad way, not at all, but… it feels like-”

“I look at you like I’m in love, don’t I?” He asked, leaning into your touch as you caressed his face. “I look at you like I’m falling in love all over again. Because I am.”

“Hongjoong,” you almost groaned but he shook his head.

“You look at me like that sometimes too,” he kissed your palm. “Like you’ve known and loved me all your life. I love it when you look at me like that.”

You kissed him then, to tell him he was right. He was absolutely right- you had loved the blue haired boy even when you had forgotten him. And when you had met Hongjoong, you had felt like he was the one. His hands on your waist tightened as he kissed you back, slowly, trying to understand everything you were saying through the kiss. And when you broke the kiss, lingering before drawing back, Hongjoong was chuckling.

“I don’t think you’re capable of mere seduction, y/n. You’re capable of making people fall for you.”

“Are you saying I suck at seducing?” You challenged, pushing him back into the seat and surprising him before putting your arms around his neck and kissing him differently this time- more passionate, more hot, more rushed and Hongjoong’s hands travelling all over your body only fueled you into sitting right on top of him and moving to the rhythm of your kiss, grinding on him until he moaned into the kiss.

“What do you have to say now?” You broke the kiss, laughing but Hongjoong had picked you up, making you squeal. He placed you on the bed gently, a devilish calm in his eyes as he pushed you back, drawing on top of you ever slowly and trading open mouthed kisses before travelling down your neck and taking his sweet time, making you whimper but you couldn’t move. He had your wrists pinned on the sides.

“Hongjoong,” you groaned and he changed character, planting gentle kisses up your neck to your cheek.

“You good?” He asked.

“Never better,” you smiled and he smirked, drawing back to push his rolled sleeves back, licking his lips.

“What am I gonna do with you, y/n?” He ran a hand through his hair, scanning you.

“What are you gonna do?” You asked naively.

Hongjoong narrowed his eyes. “What did the intelligence agency ever see in you to hire you as their spy?”

“Maybe I seduced my way there,” you joked and he laughed, putting a finger over your lips.

“No more talk about seduction for the rest of the night,” he was right in front of you and found himself tracing your lips. You brought him closer for a kiss and soon you were on top of him, his hands under your shirt as you two made out, gasping into the kiss when he pushed himself on you, making you feel everything. You were going to take off your shirt when you paused, eyes widening in realisation.

“Hongjoong! The intelligence agency- Wonderland Intelligence Agency!”

“God, you scared me,” Hongjoong put his hands on his face. “What about it?”

“Lee Sunmi- I have a card somewhere,” you got up from top of him and started searching frantically around the room, leaving Hongjoong confused but he watched you in amusement as you tried searching for whatever business card you had.

“For someone so organised, you sure know where you put the business cards,” Hongjoong commented and you ignored him- where had you put it? You moved to the table and looked into the pencil holder, scoffing.

“Aha!” You waved it in front of him, walking back to the bed. “I found this in my pocket on our first date. Remember the woman we bumped into that day we went to the concert?”

Hongjoong looked at the business card. “How do you know it was her? I don’t remember her passing you this.”

“I’m guessing it’s her- I always put my hands in my pockets and I had empty ones when I left that day. When she went inside, she patted my shoulder like this. She must have slipped this inside then.”

“Wow,” Hongjoong sat up a little. “This does have her email, but can we contact her? Can we trust her?”

“She recognised us, didn’t she?” You asked him and he nodded slowly. “It sure looked like she did. She didn’t like seeing us together.”

“Yeah, I remember that. I say we should take the risk for some answers?”

“Not right now- I’ll need to do some research on your company,” you bit your lip.

“Not my company, the subsidiary- they separated from us some two years ago, I think. That’s the last I heard of them.”

“That’s good,” you nodded, letting Hongjoong caress your hand as you processed all of this. “So let’s just… relax?”

Hongjoong laughed, pulling you closer, back on top of him. “I love it when your eyes light up like that- when you connect the dots.”

You went back to a memory- the blue haired Hongjoong caressing your hand, the two of you on what looked like a bus and he whispered something in your ear.

You smiled. “You’ve told me that before, Hongjoong.”

“Yeah, earlier?”

“No, before,” you kissed him. “You held my hand just like this and you told me that you loved it when my eyes lit up when I connected the dots.” You kissed him again, resting your forehead against his chest, half seated.

Hongjoong was running his hand through your hair when he realised you were shaking. He squeezed your shoulders before drawing you back, wiping your silent tears. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You took a deep breath, feeling utterly broken in the moment, feeling like Hongjoong was holding all your broken pieces in his hands. “I don’t like this, Hongjoong. I don’t like it that I forgot you. I don’t want to know why I did- I feel like it’s going to be something that’s going to break us. It's been chasing me all day long, all night long- I feel so lost.”

“It’s okay,” he kissed your forehead, hugging you and rocking you back and forth. “I know what it feels like. But y/n… I feel like we won’t find peace until we find the truth, no matter how bitter it is. And I know we’d like to think that the past won’t affect us now, but it will. So let’s just enjoy what we have now, huh? If it’s too much, we can stop.”

“No, you’re right,” you sniffed, wiping your face. “I’m just afraid to lose you again.”

Hongjoong smiled at that, finding it unbelievable that you two didn’t remember losing each other but knew exactly how it felt like- in your hearts. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t,” he caressed your face. “I don’t think I can stay away from you no matter what the truth is.”

You let him kiss you then, throwing the card away- that could wait. For now, you were going to let Hongjoong make you forget about all your fears, make them dissolve with each kiss, each touch.

—---------------------

Hongjoong regretted setting up a date to meet with Lee Sunmi.

Over the past few days, while he had been working on getting more information on the subsidiary company that went under investigation, called AG Entertainment, he had only found speculative articles on the internet about the missing trainees but nothing concrete. He was mostly letting you create theories about what could have happened but it wasn’t enough. And then one day, Seonghwa asked Hongjoong how his relationship was going.

Hongjoong had to do a double-take. It was a casual question, yes, but these days he was doubting everyone and everything.

“It’s… good. It’s great, actually,” Hongjoong laughed a bit. “You’ve met her a few times, right? Do you like her?”

Seonghwa had never been good at hiding his emotions and the way his eyes flashed, Hongjoong knew in his gut that he was aware of something. “Yeah, she’s…. Nice, I guess. A bit weird at times but we all are.”

“We all are,” Hongjoong agreed. “When I’m with her, it sometimes feels like I’ve known her for longer.”

Seonghwa raised a brow at that. “That’s… that must mean you’re good for each other.”

“She said she feels like it too- like she’s known me for a long time, like we’ve met before,” Hongjoong continued, watching Seonghwa fidget with the pen in his hand. “I suppose with some people, it’s like that, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Seonghwa agreed, getting up from the table. “I’m heading out to get some groceries. You’re working?”

“Yeah,” Hongjoong watched him get his things and just when he was about to leave, he stopped him.

“You won’t hide anything from me, right?” Hongjoong asked and he saw realisation cross across his face. “Just tell me if you’re hiding something from me. Because no matter what I think, I believe you wouldn’t hide it from me unless you had a big enough reason to. Bigger than our friendship.”

“That’s right,” Seonghwa patted Hongjoong’s shoulder. “I would only hide something from you if it meant more than our friendship.”

That was all the confirmation Hongjoong needed. He nodded, smiling in appreciation. “Thanks, Seonghwa. I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“I’m glad you trust me,” Seonghwa smiled back, nodding slowly as he processed. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Hongjoong. I really do. It may be dangerous, but… I hope you do.”

With that, Seonghwa left and Hongjoong wondered just what he meant by that.

And somehow, one thing led to another and he found himself in the same cafe that he went to, on his first date with you, now waiting for who was supposed to be an intelligence agent. He hadn’t dared to send a mail or anything, no. He just thought he would come and check if this was Lee Sunmi’s regular coffee stop.

It looked like it was. Just around that time in the evening when he was expecting her, she came dressed in a suit, and Hongjoong watched her get coffee. When she turned, she met eyes with Hongjoong, almost ignoring him until she saw that he was maintaining eye contact on purpose. Hongjoong raised his hand to confirm that he was waiting for her and he watched her sigh and look around before walking to him.

“This isn’t a safe spot to talk. Get in my car.”

“And I’m supposed to follow you?” Hongjoong asked and she smirked.

“You did wait for me. It’s up to you, Kim Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong shook his head at that, asking her to lead the way and she started driving. She let a few minutes pass before she asked what he wanted with her.

“First of all, why did you slip your card into y/n’s coat?”

“I saw you both together, after years,” Sunmi smiled. “I was quite shocked. It didn’t look like you both recognised me, though.”

“We didn’t,” Hongjoong confirmed. “What do you mean ‘after years’? When was the last time you saw us together?”

“A year ago,” she said, making a turn to the left.

“When was the first time you saw us together?”

“Two years ago,” she answered.

“So are you going to tell me what this is about, or should I just ask questions?” Hongjoong asked, sighing as he slumped back, wondering how to steer this conversation.

“Does y/n know you’re here, Hongjoong?” Sunmi asked and Hongjoong looked at her, not answering. “That means you must have recalled something that you couldn’t tell her.”

“I’m not actually sure if what I recall is a memory or just my imagination,” Hongjoong sighed. What he recalled a few days ago wasn’t a pretty memory. It was ugly, with a certain someone pointing a gun at him.

Sunmi drove to a park, stopping her car and reaching into the back to get some documents from her backseat pocket. “I started keeping this here in case I ran across one of you. It’s the ugly truth and how it started. I can give it to you, but… it’s not yours. It’s y/n’s truth. If I give it to you it will only create misunderstandings.”

“Then just tell me… how was I involved in all of this?”

That night, Hongjoong didn’t come home. Sunmi had assured her it wasn’t the whole truth and was just what the WIS, specifically her who was in charge of this case, could tell him without violating your privacy. To him, it was a bit too much to process. He sat in front of the river all night, arranging his thoughts.

Y/n. Writer. Spy. AG Entertainment. Human trafficking. Government involved. Hiding the truth. Memory wipe.

And all he could conclude was that he was involved because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was your mission. Only you had to forget- and only about the mission. Somehow, he had found out, which had created a mess. How did he know you? Did you really approach him because of your mission? Unfortunately, Sunmi did not have the answer for that.

The next day, when you woke up, you sighed when you checked your phone and Hongjoong hadn’t even read your messages. This wasn’t new, though. He had been a bit distant for a few days, and you wondered if it was just because he needed a break.

Or you feared that it could be because he recalled something bad. Because you knew whatever happened, it must have ended in a tragedy. If you and Hongjoong were in love, having to forget each other was a tragedy- and you still didn’t have the answers.

You fiddled with the business card of the WIS agent. Could you contact her now? What would you even ask her? Would she even tell you, or would she make you forget everything again? Was this a test, her slipping the card so you would call her, so she could wipe your memories again? You had no idea. And with Hongjoong not responding to any of your messages from the past whole day, you were worried.

You asked Mingi for Seonghwa’s number and texted him if he knew where Hongjoong was, but his reply made you worry- he hadn’t been responding to him either, and he wasn’t at the studio yesterday. Apparently Seonghwa had stopped by Hongjoong’s place last night, but he wasn’t home and Seonghwa assumed that he was with you.

You told him that you would stop by his place today. You still had time before you needed to clock in for work, so you made a stop at Hongjoong’s apartment, but he wasn’t there.

“Just let me know if you’re safe. Seonghwa is worried too.”

With that, you went back home and absorbed yourself in your work, forgetting about everything for a while- maybe he was just taking a breather. It would be understandable.

That night, Seonghwa got a call from Hongjoong, asking if he could stop by his place. Seonghwa asked Hongjoong if he had let you know that he was alright, but he hadn’t. So with a text to you that Hongjoong was back home and presumably alright, Seonghwa stopped by his place with chicken and beer.

“Ah, just what I needed,” Hongjoong said when he opened the door and Seonghwa smiled. “Not you, obviously. The chicken and beer.”

“Right,” Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “You look like a mess.”

“I feel like shit, yes, thank you for noticing,” Hongjoong slumped down on the couch, watching Seonghwa set the table. When he was done, he looked up at him.

“Are we gonna talk?”

Hongjoong told him everything then- starting from the day he met you at the train to his meeting with the WIS agent. By the time he was done talking, Seonghwa had to take a few minutes himself.

“I never thought it was that deep,” Seonghwa phew-ed. “But you’ve got most of it wrong, Hongjoong.”

“What do you mean?”

“With the story you have, you must believe y/n is the bad person here.”

“Well, she did point a gun at me,” Hongjoong shivered. “She threatened to kill Jaebeom too- you remember him. He was my supervisor at that time.”

“He worked with AG Entertainment, and if he was involved in the whole trafficking business… he must be in prison now.”

“Well then, her business was with him, right?” Hongjoong frowned. “Why involve me?”

“You really think she approached you on purpose?” Seonghwa scoffed. “Didn’t you say that agent saw you both together some two years ago? You and y/n first met more than three years ago, Hongjoong.”

Now that had Hongjoong’s full attention. “How do you know that?”

“Because I’m the one who introduced you to her, you fool,” Seonghwa threw a pillow at him and Hongjoong let it hit him. Was he hearing this right?

“So you’re telling me,” Hongjoong shifted towards him fully. “That we might have known each other before that job?”

“Yes,” Seonghwa nodded. “The agent saw you two together two years ago. She didn’t tell you when she approached y/n, so there’s that. And since I introduced you both, I’m pretty sure she wanted nothing to do with musicians and producers at that time.”

“Wow,” Hongjoong sighed deeply. “How did we meet?”

Seonghwa smiled, telling him about the time Wooyoung hosted a party and invited a bunch of people from town. Knowing Wooyoung, half the sector was present. Wooyoung and you were high school classmates so that’s how Seonghwa got to know you, and while they had been chatting at the party, Seonghwa had introduced you to Hongjoong, knowing you two would get along. “I had no idea you two would get along that well. You both ditched the party and went ice skating or something. You came back with bruises but you were lovestruck.”

Hongjoong pursed his lips, trying to wrack his brain for any sort of a flashback but he got none. He buried his head between his knees, sighing. “I just wish I can remember it all, Seonghwa. I feel it in my heart that I’ve loved her for a long time, yet… there’s also this sense of dread that’s stuck with me.”

“I think you didn’t know about y/n’s job, and you must have felt betrayed, that’s why,” Seonghwa thought. “Think about y/n too. If she got this job without knowing you were involved… she might have found herself in a situation with no way to get out. A number of possibilities and since your memory is coming back, I know you two will be fine and will sort things out. What I don’t understand, Hongjoong, is why the mind-wiping was necessary.”

“Sunmi only told me that it was because the government got directly involved, but I don’t know what that means,” Hongjoong looked up. “They could have signed a confidentiality agreement or something. Were we test subjects? Because I remember that the mind-wiping thing wasn’t an actual possibility until a few years ago.”

“That’s why I said it’s dangerous to dig,” Seonghwa started cleaning the table. “It’s fine if you stick with just finding out about your relationship without digging into the matter. What if they do something again?”

“Why did they not wipe your memory then? Or y/n’s friends?”

“Yunho and Mingi were studying in Sector 1 back then, so I’m not sure how much they know. It looks like they don’t know about you being her boyfriend but they’re aware y/n dated. As for me… I had to sign a confidentiality agreement with Ms. Lee. I wasn’t in the equation until I noticed how you forgot about y/n one day entirely. I noticed someone following you and somehow met with Ms. Lee who explained a bit and let me go because apparently, the situation had already gotten a bit out of control and she didn’t want to risk any more people. She also said that unless the memories came back naturally, which she hoped would happen soon, trying to force these memories might cause brain damage.”

“Wow,” Hongjoong blinked. “Brain damage. Just what I needed.”

“Hey,” Seonghwa slapped his arm. “Your memories are coming back naturally, so just relax.”

“I don’t know how to face y/n though,” Hongjoong hid his face in his hands. “I went behind her back because of that memory and met with Sunmi. We promised to share whatever memory we could recall, yet I couldn’t tell her this. And I don’t know if I’m sure about what happened between us.”

“Maybe, like Lee Sunmi said, you should talk it out with y/n and meet with the agent to get the documents on what happened. Then connect the dots.”

Hongjoong agreed but all he could think of right now was your smile fading when you would learn what he had done.

—---------------------

Two more days had passed with Hongjoong not showing up, only a text from Seonghwa to assure you that he was alright and just needed some time to himself, and the last thing you were expecting anymore was to find a package on the door that contained documents from Lee Sunmi.

Your first instinct was to tell Hongjoong, but you had some qualms about that now. You understood that Hongjoong needed space and you were almost sure he had recalled some memory which had caused the sudden rift between you two, which made you wonder just how bad it was. Well, if the government was involved, it must have been bad.

You had recalled a lot of memories too in the past few days. You recalled meeting Hongjoong at a party where apparently, Seonghwa introduced you two. You remembered that party- it was more than three years ago. So you thought that there was a chance that Seonghwa knew about you two all along and Hongjoong had found out about it. It was why you let the boys have their space- perhaps they were sorting things out.

You also recalled the first time you saw Hongjoong at his workplace and you hid out of instinct- you hadn’t realised that he was involved in your mission. You hadn’t realised that AG and KQ Entertainment were connected- Hongjoong worked at KQ, and you had forgotten. You had gotten yourself in a mess. You remembered that now.

So when you saw the document from Sunmi, you wondered if Hongjoong should be present. What if the truth was really, really ugly? What if, after learning everything, Hongjoong wouldn’t want to be with you anymore?

With that fear in your heart, you mustered up the courage to open the document and empty its contents- a letter, a file and a USB. you opened the letter first and read its content:

Hongjoong has learned his truth. It’s time that you learn yours. I’m sorry for all that went wrong with this mission, and I’m sorry for involving you both. I hope you and Hongjoong can learn the entire truth and learn from it, and find in your heart forgiveness and love. Sincerely, Sunmi.

Hongjoong had learned ‘his’ truth? Had he met with Sunmi? You scoffed in disbelief- he was avoiding you on purpose. You wondered what happened to the promise you two made about sharing each memory you would recall and going through this together.

You decided to go through the file first- it had basic information on you, on why you were selected, what the mission was, and what exactly had happened. Surprisingly, it had no information on why Hongjoong was involved, and after reading the whole thing and going through the USB, heart pounding wildly as you went through everything that had something of Hongjoong in it- old video files, audio files, even Hongjoong’s data- after that, you didn’t need any more answers.

You remembered exactly what went wrong with that mission- and it wasn’t about the case you were investigating. It was about Hongjoong.

That night, you couldn’t sleep. Your waking hours were all filled with your memories coming back, fragment by fragment, head throbbing crazily. You were so dizzy that you didn’t remember calling Seonghwa- you don’t know why you called him, but it felt like he was the only person you wouldn’t need to explain anything to. A few minutes later, you opened the door to Seonghwa.

“Shit, y/n, you look like a mess.”

“I feel like shit, yes,” you confirmed, brushing your clothes, and he laughed to himself, recalling how Hongjoong had said the same things. “Do come in. Did you bring some painkillers?”

“You should eat something first,” Seonghwa looked around your house- he had been there before, but he wasn’t sure you recalled it yet. “If you have ramen, I can make some killer ramen.”

You agreed and watched him go through your kitchen like he knew exactly where everything was. “You know… I never told you where I lived, yet you knew exactly where to come. Pretty sure Hongjoong didn’t tell you my address.”

Seonghwa paused in the middle of cooking, looking back at you. “I don’t know. Maybe Yunho or Mingi did?”

“Come on, you can stop pretending like you don’t know me, Seonghwa,” you laughed out loud, crazily enough that he watched you the whole time until he was laughing along with you. “I don’t know why I forgot you- you were my friend. My… comfort buddy- is that what I called you?”

“Here to pick up both your and Hongjoong’s mess,” he shook his head, taking the ramen off the stove. “You really remember me?”

“We’ve known each other longer than I’ve known Hongjoong,” you said, spreading your arms and he came forward to hug you, rocking you like you remembered he always did. Then you slapped his back harshly, making him wince. “That’s for all that acting you did around me. 100 points for that. You should try a career in that.”

“I couldn’t risk damaging your brain,” Seonghwa pouted. “I’m sorry, though.”

“That’s okay,” you two sat at the table. “I’m sure it was hard for you too.”

“I missed you, I really did,” Seonghwa’s eyes were sincere and you didn’t doubt it. “When I saw you that day at my apartment, I thought you knew everything and came to kill me.”

You laughed. “I didn’t, but I felt like you were involved somehow too. Thanks for being there for Hongjoong though- is he okay?”

“Well… for the most part, yes,” Seonghwa urged you to eat. “Why did you call me?”

“You must remember Sunmi,” you asked and he nodded. “She sent me everything about the case. I remember… everything now, I think. There are some gaps but I have enough for now.”

“Oh,” Seonghwa whistled. “Hongjoong met with her.”

“I knew it,” you nodded. “What does he know?”

“I told him about how you two met,” Seonghwa said and you nodded. “He recalled the day everything went wrong- you pointing a gun at him.”

“Oh god,” you slumped back. “I need a drink.”

“No, you don’t,” Seonghwa scolded. “What exactly happened, y/n?”

“Can you call him here right now?” You asked and Seonghwa looked at you.

“Are you sure?” Seonghwa asked. “Do you want me to leave when he comes?”

“No, I want you to stay, because if you don’t, I might kill him,” you pursed your lips and Seonghwa frowned in confusion. “He’s the one who involved himself, Seonghwa. We were never supposed to forget about our relationship. He just came at the wrong place, wrong time, and he misunderstood everything. He didn’t let me explain anything. He went ahead and told Sunmi he knew everything about the mission, and they talked it through and he made the decision that he wanted to forget about me too. He decided he would forget about me, which meant I had no way of getting my memories back. He stole my choice, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa stopped eating, watching you finally break apart and bury your head in your arms as you cried your heart out. He let you be for a few moments before he went to sit next to you, rubbing your back. It all made sense to him now. He made you eat the rest of the noodles and take the medicine.

“You need to sleep it over tonight, y/n,” he insisted. “We can all talk tomorrow.”

“I don’t know,” you were dizzy after all the crying. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“I can call Yunho and Mingi over too. They should know- they’ll help you out a lot, y/n, you really should tell them. They are your best friends, and they still think you made all of that up when you said you were dating.”

You laughed a bit at that. “Might as well have. I don’t know if I can handle telling them everything.”

“I’ll brief them,” he assured you and you nodded. “I’ll ask them to go easy with the questions- I’m sure they’ll have a lot of them.”

“Please,” you groaned, wiping your face. “Can you call them over then?”

Seonghwa nodded. It looked like you weren’t going to get to sleep any time soon. He called the two over, and made you sit in your room while he explained everything, but you felt a bit better so you joined them, letting Seonghwa do the talking. By the time he was done and you showed them the pictures of you and Hongjoong, they looked like they had learned that the world was ending tomorrow.

“I can understand, but at the same time… I got none of this, I’m sorry,” Mingi gave up, getting up and roaming around in the living room and you were almost amused. “First of all, whose genius idea was it to make her a government spy? She can’t even hide when she has a crush!”

“Hey!” You threw the nearest object- your lip balm- at him which he caught. “I did my job right!”

“She was hired because of connections, wasn’t she?” Yunho was going through your file. “Sunmi knew you from when you worked on your book.”

“Ah, no doubt,” Mingi sat down. “She isn’t spy material, just hired because of connections. That makes more sense.”

“She approached me because of the job, read that right,” you kicked Yunho’s leg. “It says my research capabilities from the time I wrote my political crime novel were noteworthy.”

“Whatever,” Yunho mumbled. “I’m going to need 5 business days to process this.”

“And I need 10,” Mingi sighed. “Why did your memories come back?”

“Two reasons,” you said. “Sunmi did a bad job intentionally- she messed with the numbers so her bosses can think it actually happened, but I guess she saved the day. She also thought Hongjoong was making a mistake, because my plan was to go through the mind wipe and have Hongjoong fill in the gaps for me. Sunmi told me I was going to have to forget Hongjoong since he was involved. I think she told me that on purpose- she didn’t like how the government was using us.”

“She’s an angel,” Seonghwa sighed. “Is she safe, though? If the government learns-”

“I think she has leverage,” you thought. “Which is why she sent me all of this. If the world learns that their political leaders were taking advantage of minors who went to AG Entertainment to become trainees… that’s going to destroy Wonderland.”

“I know what your next novel needs to be about,” Mingi scoffed and you shook your head furiously. “You should! It’s going to be like rubbing it on their faces.”

Somehow, the conversation got steered into jokes and teasing, and with that, you found yourself sleeping on the couch, Seonghwa dozed off on the other couch. Yunho and Mingi made sure to take some snaps before they decided to crash on your bed, messing up your room just to annoy you, which they would have an earful about the next day.

Later that day, Hongjoong agreed to meet you by the river- the same place he had gone to. He realised it might have a connection to you too. When he saw you, eyes a bit swollen but still looking pretty, he sighed internally before walking to you.

“Hey,” he pursed his lips, not knowing how to greet you.

“Hey yourself,” you scanned him. “You ghosted me for days.”

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, sitting next to you on the bench. “I shouldn’t have.”

“You shouldn’t have a lot of things, Hongjoong,” you started. “Are you ready to hear the whole truth? Or do you still believe what you know is the entire truth?”

That was a jab but Hongjoong thought he deserved it after all. And then he heard you out. How you had met Sunmi through your crime novel. How she made you a job offer that had none of the memory wiping in the contract. How you were supposed to befriend Jaebeom, the producer from AG Entertainment and get access into the building and investigate. It was when you and Hongjoong had dated for a year already. You had no idea how KQ and AG were connected, and Hongjoong hadn’t taken you to his studio yet. How he did take you to his studio and it was the first time you two had taken things so far.

“Do you remember that, Hongjoong?” You asked with a faint smile. “I always said you looked hot when you worked.”

“I remember that,” Hongjoong wiped his eyes. “You were so beautiful that day, y/n.”

“You were my first, and you were quite good at it, frankly,” you said and you two laughed for the old time’s sake. “I never knew studio sex could be this hot.”

“Please, you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into,” Hongjoong laughed and you slapped his arm playfully.

“I wish we only had these happy memories to remember,” you sighed after a few moments. “When I saw you at AG, do you have any idea how shocked I was? Do you have any idea what went through my head? All I could think of was what if you were involved? And then I slapped myself because I knew you, Kim Hongjoong. I knew, I believed you would never do something so disgusting.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” Hongjoong sighed, feeling guilt.

“It was hard lying to you, but I passed you so many hints, hoping you would know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to go wrong in so many ways, Hongjoong. First, I found out the politicians were involved. And when my bosses found out, they struck a deal with the politicians. They decided to bury this under the rug, which meant I had to forget about everything that I worked on. The greater good, they said. I think it was also because they needed us to be lab rats for their latest memory wiper,” you mocked. “So what could I do? I decided to go along with it. I would have to forget you, I learned. I made sure I left something so I could recall my memories one day…”

“With me,” Hongjoong finished and you nodded. “You had prepared me for that day.”

“Yet…” you sighed. “I think it was my fault. It would have been too much for you. You couldn't possibly comprehend the whole situation- no one could have. But then one day, Jaebeom called me to AG, pissed to learn about what happened. And he called you too, knowing it would break us. He threatened to kill you if I didn’t make it, so I called Sunmi ahead. When I reached there, me and Jaebeom fought- I fought for my life, for yours-”

You hid your face in your hands, shaking as you recalled that night. The fear that had gone through your bones when he said he would hurt Hongjoong, his threatening voice- you could still feel it ringing in your head. Hongjoong was quick to scoot closer and put his arms around you, holding you as you tried to steady your breathing.

“I snatched the gun from him and pointed at him,” you sighed. “That’s when you came and misunderstood everything. You believed whatever shit Jaebeom spewed because he was the one defenceless, posing as the victim. I can’t get that look out of my head when I saw your trust in me break.”

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” Hongjoong squeezed your hand. “I remember that.”

“I don’t blame you, Hongjoong,” you shook your head. “You knew nothing about what was going on. Whatever I tried to explain to you at that moment, it must have gone over your head. And last night, I wanted to kill you after I learned the whole truth, honestly,” you laughed a bit. “But now… I don’t blame you. You did what you had to.”

“I was an ass, y/n,” Hongjoong shook his head.

“You were,” you nodded, smiling. “You exposed yourself to Sunmi which meant she had no choice but to wipe your memories too. And you were so willing to wipe your memories of me. My last hope, gone, just like that. I woke up without knowing what to do. But I think we have suffered enough, the both of us, haven’t we?”

Hongjoong looked up, tears falling down from his face. “I… I really shouldn’t have done that. If you can believe me, I’ve been beating myself over it for the past few days.”

“I know,” you sighed. “But now… we know the whole truth. And I can understand if you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Why would I not? I can understand if you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore,” Hongjoong laughed nervously, wiping his eyes. “It was my fault, all of it.”

“It wasn’t any of our fault, let’s just blame the WIS for messing us up. I just don’t like how you didn’t trust me. Not then, not now. You went ahead and talked to Sunmi on your own. What does that say about us, Hongjoong?”

Hongjoong sighed deeply, getting up and you thought he was about to run away but then he was sitting on his knees, in front of you, holding your hands. “That time, and this time… it wasn’t you that I blamed. It was me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I recalled the memory of you pointing your gun at me, asking me to just listen to you. Even though the memory painted you as a villain, I knew, in my heart, that you meant no harm. Just like I knew at that time. I made the mistake of rushing to Sunmi, both the times. I learned what I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for that. I blamed myself for not being there for you. I felt like shit when I learned everything.”

“No, Hongjoong,” you cupped his face. “I should have told you from the beginning. I shouldn’t have used you like that. I understand now why you acted that way- if I was in your shoes, I’m pretty sure I would have done much worse. If you recall… I’m the more impulsive one.”

Hongjoong shook his head. “You’re only blaming yourself, aren’t you? We both messed up, y/n. Whatever happened simply wasn’t supposed to.”

You nodded. He continued. “I missed you so much. You’ve been my best friend, my everything for so long. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

“No,” you cried. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I should have done better, I-”

“Don't blame yourself, please,” Hongjoong got up, making you stand so he could hug you. It was like you were in the past at that moment. “I don’t want to see you in pain anymore.”

You hugged Hongjoong back, wrapping your arms around his waist and before you two knew it, you were both crying into the hug. Crying for all the memories you forgot. For the ones you recalled. For the ones that might be lost forever. When you drew back, Hongjoong wiped your face and kissed your forehead.

“I can understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore,” Hongjoong looked like he was in actual pain as he said that. “I’ve broken your trust. I’ve let you down.”

You scanned his face. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

You took him home and showed him the files and then the USB which had all of your digital memories stored. You both spent the whole night recalling everything, just like old friends, eating ice cream through the bucket, filling the memory gaps for each other. Hongjoong had most of his memories back too.

“I heard from Seonghwa how he told you about the first time we met,” you smiled, searching through the files again and opening the photo of you and Hongjoong wearing ice skates, clinging on to each other for support. “We ditched the party and messed around all night.”

“I’ve never done that,” Hongjoong laughed. “I rarely go to parties. I think going to that party was the best decision I made in my whole life.”

“And I rarely ditch the party with a random stranger and stay out until dawn,” you countered, smiling. “The 3 am hour does something to us, doesn’t it?”

“Our first kiss,” Hongjoong smiled. “We decided to try being friends first because we both believed the 3 am hours make us do weird things, but…”

“We really sucked at staying friends,” you laughed, pushing your hair back as you looked at him- you were sitting across each other on the couch, the laptop on the table. “Do you think we could stay friends now if we tried?”

“I think you think that I can’t keep my hands off of you,” Hongjoong raised a brow.

“I know for a fact that I can’t,” you looked at the clock. “Gosh, it's 3 am again.”

Hongjoong laughed. “Should we really be making such decisions at 3 am?”

“I don’t know,” you pouted. “I say fuck it-”

Hongjoong was quick to climb across the couch and capture your mouth in a kiss, drawing back to check if it was okay with you. You pushed him back, showing him the ice cream bucket still in your hands, placed it on the table and cupped his face, kissing him back, his arms immediately wrapping around your waist as he brought you on top of him. The intensity of the kiss was different, this time with those long forgotten memories and emotions resurfacing, trying to hold yourselves together, trying not to break apart because what happened to you two was sad.

When you did draw apart for breath, you hugged him, burying your nose in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to forget you ever again, Kim Hongjoong. You’re the only one for me.”

Hongjoong groaned in relief. “I’m glad… I’m glad that you forgive me.”

You drew apart, slapping his arm. “I still think you can be a major ass, but… I think we can work this out. What do you think?”

Hongjoong tucked your hair behind your ears, caressing your face lovingly. “I think… I think we were meant to be with each other, really. After all, we found each other again, didn’t we? On a train from Sector 1, of all the places!”

You smiled. “Does that mean we are meant to be?”

“Maybe,” Hongjoong smiled. “Shall we try and find out?”

You kissed him as your answer. You could definitely try again.

#i hope this didn't suck as much as i think it does #hongjoong x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #hongjoong fluff #hongjoong angst #hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong imagines #kim hongjoong scenarios #kim hongjoong angst #kim hongjoong smut #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut

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somebluemelodies · 1 month

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SPIDERBIT WEEK hosted by @smallchaoscryptid !! day six: coffee | nautical IM FINALLY BACK !! i know mer au won my poll from a while back so this is kinda a double whammy? spiderbit week AND poll fic :D

For a while, Roier wonders if he’s ever gonna see the deepsea mer ever again. When he doesn’t see him the night after their initial meeting, he’s worried that the Feds may have gotten to the mer after all, and it pains him more than he cares to admit aloud.

But it’s not the last time. In fact, it happens multiple times, to the point where they have a weird schedule of sorts to meet every third day or so.

Communicating isn’t the easiest, with only Roier able to actually talk, but they make do, and he’s getting a real good hold of asking ‘yes or no’ questions or anything else that permits him to learn more about the deepsea mer.

Except for one thing. The mer’s name.

The mer can understand nearly everything Roier says, but he can’t write it. He can only write in his own strange mer-tongue, which is a series of characters that sends the pirate into a deeper confusion the more he tries to make sense of it.

For a little while, Roier contemplates giving the merman a name himself, but that feels a little unfair to the mer. He has a name, after all.

However, his mouth running faster than his mind produces a nickname, gatinho, as a result of staring at the mer for a little too long and getting lost in his eyes. Thankfully, though, the mer doesn’t seem to mind it, and Roier even swears it makes the creature blush. But that sounds like crazy talk, so he tries not to dwell on it.

Nevertheless, the nickname stays. If only because it’s… well… the truth.

(Mostly. He’s a mer, not a cat. Scales and no legs, not fur and four legs.)

(But God, if he isn’t the prettiest being Roier has ever seen.)

A couple weeks or so after their first initial meeting, Roier is sitting on the flattest rock closest to the water, the mer half out of the water in front of him with his arms resting on the rock. A routine, of sorts. Either here, or the cave.

“So, gatinho,” the pirate starts. “I need to figure out your name. We have to find some way. Because I can’t keep calling you gatinho forever.”

(But he’d certainly like to.)

The deepsea mer tilts his head slightly and shrugs, as if to say, “I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“What? You like the name, huh?”

A pause, followed by a slow nod. Roier grins. “No mames, wey, this guy likes being called pretty. Like a cat. Are you sure you’re not a cat? I think you’re a cat in disguise.”

The mer looks borderline offended, trying to reach over and slap him. But the pirate pushes back, out of reach, smile growing with a laugh. “You’re swatting like a cat! Holy shit, man, I was right. I’m friends with a fucking cat. A catfish. No mames.”

There’s a growl of sorts from the merman, who definitely looks like he’s blushing now - focus, focus, focus, stop looking at him like that - and shoots up out of the water before Roier has a chance to properly react.

Next thing he knows, he’s flat on his back against the rock, and there’s a solid weight on top of him, two almost-glowing blue eyes staring him down.

(A small part of Roier wonders if he should be afraid right now. He’s seen the sharp teeth and fingers. This mer could theoretically kill him in a heartbeat. Right here, right now.)

(But he’s not afraid, God only knows why. No, he’s… no, no. Enough.)

Roier tries to mask the way his cheeks are rapidly warming up with an accomplished, shit-eating laugh. “Calma, gatinho, calma.”

The deepsea mer huffs, shaking his head before a small smile crosses his face despite himself. He leans down to really shove Roier’s shoulder, but makes no effort yet to get off.

(Not that Roier minds.)

More laughter, and then a lull, and their eyes meet again. Roier becomes acutely aware of just how close they actually are. The mer is staring at him in a way he can’t quite decipher, and it makes him increasingly nervous.

(A look of wonder. Awe.)

(The mer sees the same exact look in those dark eyes.)

The pirate tries to play it off, like his heart isn’t about to beat out of his chest and like his thoughts aren’t circling around the fact that if he sits up enough, their lips could brush. Connect. “See something you like, gatinho?”

The mer also seems to finally realize their current position, and with wide eyes, pushes himself off and all but dives back into the water. Roier kicks himself in the ass for mourning the loss of contact.

For a few moments, as the merman doesn’t surface, he wonders if he’s fled for the night, and starts to feel a little guilty for his teasing.

But then there’s movement, and he watches the deepsea mer breach the surface again, blowing out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry, sorry. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything.”

The mer shakes his head. It’s okay.

(He did see something he liked.)

"Roier!"

The pirate's head whips around, seeing a silhouette in the far distance.

"Oh, shit-- that's Jaiden. I gotta go." He turns back to the mer. "Three days? And I will learn your name, gatinho."

The deepsea mer nods, and three things happen in succession.

One. The mer leaves him a piece of sea glass, a red one.

Two. He hesitates, then hoists himself onto the rock to press a kiss to Roier's cheek.

Three. He dives back into the water without looking back, disappearing in a fleeting glint of deep emerald and leaving Roier to touch his cheek in surprise.

"Roier!" Jaiden calls again, running over to him. "There you are! What're you doing out here?"

Roier clears his throat, willing his cheeks to cool down despite the darkness surrounding them. His best friend was eerily observant sometimes. "I was just... collecting sea glass. See? Look at this piece I found!" He picks up the piece, standing up to show her.

Jaiden looks at it before back to him, her brow quirking ever-so-slightly. "O...kay? Since when do you do that?"

"It's given me something to do recently."

She studies him another moment, trying to decipher the truth. If she doesn't believe him, she doesn't say it. Instead, she says, "fair. But I came to bring you back to the ship, c'mon."

They walk in a comfortable silence for a bit, until she speaks up again. "Y'know, I haven't seen much sea glass around here. You must have some awfully good luck; I see the little pile on the box beside your hammock."

Roier opens his hand, looking at the translucent red treasure as icy eyes infiltrate his mind, the ghost of lips warming his cheek. "Sí. Something like that."

#this is my au and yet it does something to my brain chemistry #HOW I LOVE THEM #i missed writing them this was a lot of fun :'D #hopefully i can do tomorrow's prompt too!#qsmp roier #qsmp cellbit #spiderbit #qsmp #blue writes qsmp #spiderbit mer au

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absurdthirst · 1 year

Text

New Year, New Life {Javier Peña x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17.7k

Warnings: Protected sex, finger, vaginal sex, oral sex (female receiving), unexpected pregnancy, mentions of abortion, childbirth, mentions of breastfeeding, angst, coparenting. unrequited feelings, Dad!Javi comes with his own warning.

Comments: When Javier Peña runs away from the wedding to Lorraine, he ends up at your house and your bed. One night with him resulting in an unexpected pregnancy, making both of you decide to co-parent while Javi is in Colombia.

A/N: Happy New Years!!!!!

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

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Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Come in Peña.” You say over the dispatch radio in your office. “Peña” comes his reply and you smile, “slow night, huh?” You chuckle.

He grins, sitting in his car as he watches the cars pass by on the highway. “Always. Laredo is boring as shit.”

You chuckle at his bored tone, “sounds like you need some action.” You fluster as you realize your words. Javier Peña is off limits, he’s with Lorraine. Engaged to Lorraine. Marrying Lorraine next week. You clear your throat, “I mean. It’s too quiet.” You look over at the board, “I have coffee and donuts for when you’re back.”

Javi rolls his eyes, grinning even as he’s pressing the button on his radio. “Donuts?” He huffs playfully. “Whadya think? I’m that pendejo Rodriguez?” He jokes, knowing that the entire department knows of his disdain for the portly detective who never managed to collar any of the runners that seem to be growing in numbers from across the border.

You giggle, shaking your head, and you know Javier thinks Rodríguez is an idiot. Letting go those drug mules that cross the border because “it’s not his department. That’s the DEA’s bullshit, not ours.” You push your button, “no. Just figured you’d want something sweet after being out all night. Although I’m sure Lorraine has your breakfast ready for you when you get home.” You release the button, trying to not let yourself think about Javi and Lorraine. She’s gorgeous and you’re…not his type. Never will be. He’s going to be a married man.

Javi winces, thinking about how angry Lorraine had been with him before he had left for work tonight. Once again arguing about how he should leave the sheriff’s department and join her father’s business, but he has zero interest in being a ‘businessman’. Javier Peña enjoyed bringing in the criminals, making them pay for hurting others. “Ehhhh, probably not.” He drawls. “I’ll be lucky if she lets me sleep on the couch when I get home.”

You wince, “ouch. Doesn’t sound like marital bliss.” You shake your head, cursing yourself for your comment, “I mean - all couples have spats. Anyway. I have a donut here for you if you want it.” You release the button, knowing that Javier will likely head straight home like he always does, not stopping for long since he has to get home to his fiancée. You know it’s wrong to have a crush on a taken man, but these nightly talks just deepen your crush on him.

“Nah, I’ll stop by.” He promises, looking at another car passing by. “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes if you want to make a fresh pot of that sludge the sheriff likes.” He chuckles, knowing how much you rolled your eyes and kept a stash of ‘good’ coffee in your desk drawer for overnights. He likes talking to you and maybe he can get some insight into how to keep Lorraine happy. It seems like it’s getting more and more difficult as the wedding approaches. He feels like it’s just stress, but he finds himself wishing the entire thing would just be over with, although he doesn’t quite see himself settled into domestic bliss with her. A guilty feeling he pushes off and tries to ignore.

“Sure thing. See you soon. Over and out.” You tell him, releasing the button and you grab the good coffee from your drawer. Javier is just a friend, he’s getting married next week. You need to get over your crush on him, it’s not right.

****

It’s Javier’s wedding day, most of the station is in attendance except you. Sure, you got an invite but you decided to volunteer for the shift, not wanting to have to watch Javi marry the beautiful Lorraine. It’s nearly three in the afternoon so Javi should be married by now. You sigh and grab your coat, deciding to head home now your replacement is here for the night shift. When you arrive at your house, a suited up Javi is pacing on your porch. “Javi? What are you doing here?” You frown after you kill the engine and step out of the car.

“Hey.” Javi has stripped down to his tuxedo shirt and his pants, the tie, vest and jacket in his truck. “I-uh, I just- do you mind if we go inside?” He’s jittery and full of doubts and conflicting emotions but he knows he didn’t want to go to the church. It’s too late by now anyway, Lorraine has been stood up. He watches you hustle up the walkway and sighs in relief. “I just- I was driving to the church.” The cigarette in his mouth bobbles as he talks, the ash long and nearly falling off. “But then I just drove past and made a loop back here.”

You don’t answer, confused by his disheveled look and the fact that he’s not at the altar getting married. You unlock your front door, sensing him following you inside and he politely snubs out his smoke before entering your home. “I - why aren’t you married?” You ask, addressing the elephant in the room as Javi shuts the door behind him.

“I don’t want to marry her.” Javi admits it out loud for the first time since he had asked Lorraine to marry him. He had felt pressured, and the scare about the baby that turned out to be a false positive made him think that he had to do the right thing. Except, right before the last second, he had changed his mind. “I don’t want to marry Lorraine.”

You stare at him for a moment, shocked at his confession, and you can see that it’s a weight off of his chest. The relief in his eyes is evident and you don’t waste a moment stepping forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. “That’s okay. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” You promise, wanting to be there for him, to show him how much you care.

Javi has never touched you, beyond your elbow or arm when he’s walking you out to your car at night. He never let himself, ignoring his attraction to you because it’s a small fucking town and he was with Lorraine. He’s an asshole, but he doesn’t cheat, his pop would bury him where no one would find his body if he found out Javier Peña ran around on his girl. Now though…..he’s free to do what he wants.

When he doesn’t respond, you pull back, swallowing harshly. “I, uh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have - I know it’s - shit. I’m sorry Javi. I’ll, uh, I’ll go make some coffee.” Your cheeks are on fire, your heart pounding and you feel sick with awkwardness as you turn towards your kitchen, desperate to get away from the disaster you created.

Javi follows you, watching the nervous way you get everything set up. It’s calming for him, watching you make the coffee, something he can rely on. It’s going to be a shit storm over the next few weeks, but luckily he won’t be here. “I- I resigned from the sheriff’s department.” He admits, making you freeze and whip your head around to look at him. “Yesterday. I-“ he shuffles slightly. “I got accepted into the DEA.”

You stare at him in surprise, shocked at the sudden decision but then you think about the times Javi has talked about wanting to do more, to stop the drugs crossing the border. He’s been to too many OD calls for one lifetime. He has always mentioned wanting to change things. “Oh wow. That’s, uh, that’s amazing. Don’t you - you have to go to the academy?” He nods and you mimic him, “when do you leave?” Your heart breaks but you know he is following his own.

“I am supposed to go in a week, give me time for the honeymoon.” Javi shuffles, remembering the argument with Lorraine about that. She somehow thought they were supposed to have a month of not doing anything but fucking. Which, Javi would never turn down, but he was excited to go to the academy. “But I think I might just go early. Get out of town and avoid the drama.”

You nod in understanding, “I get that. Get away from the looks. I - I hope you are happy there. Of course, I’m going to miss you. Miss our talks. Rodriguez just isn’t that same.” That makes Javi chuckle and you turn on the coffee machine in your kitchen, the whirling noise indicating it’s working. “I’m going to miss you.” You tell him with a soft smile.

He’s good at reading people. It’s a skill that he’s used before Lorraine and reading your body language, he takes a step closer to you. Stepping into your space and watching the way your pupils change, dilating. “I’m going to miss you too.” He admits, slowly reaching for you. It’s not wrong, he’s not with Lorraine and he needs to distract him and touch you. No, he’s wanted to touch you, and now he can.

When his hands grip your waist, your breathing stops and your heart pounds. When his head leans in towards yours, you’re certain your heart is going to stop. When his lips meet yours, you’re certain you’ve died. Freezing for a moment, you are shocked at the kiss, until you remember that this is the first and last chance you’ll ever have to kiss Javier Peña. You respond to the kiss, tangling your fingers in his hair to pull him even closer.

Once you don’t push him away, Javi groans. His tongue slides into your mouth and his kisses turn hungry. Devouring your mouth and pulling you closer. Hands move from your waist to grip your ass firmly while he moves you both against the counter.

You whimper into the kiss, unable to stop yourself and you gasp when his tongue slides along your lower lip. You eagerly allow him access and he grabs the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto the counter. Your heart pounds and you slide your hands down his back, tugging on his tucked in dress shirt as you are desperate to touch more of him.

Javi loves sex. Loves the taste and feel of a woman. Losing himself in their soft body and their moans taking over every thought in his head. Your fingers on his skin makes him groan into your mouth, his own eager hands trying to get under your clothes as quickly as possible so he can finally feel you.

You gasp when he kisses along your neck. His hands dragging your shirt over your head and you let him, exposing your lace bra and you whine his name when his lips kiss along your cleavage. You know this is wrong, he’s just stood his bride up at the altar but you can’t stop, this need you’ve had for him finally coming out.

His teeth scrap along your skin and he kisses down the lacy front so he can suck on your nipple through the fabric. Loving how you are whining and tugging on his hair. He hisses and just sucks harder, working it into a hard nub and grinning up at you when you look down at him.

You moan at the way his teeth nips at your flesh and you run your fingers through his hair. “Fuck Javi.” You moan, tilting your head back and you hiss when you hit it on the cupboard behind.

“Shit. You okay?” Javi asks after pulling back from your breast.

“Yes. I- bedroom?” You ask, wondering if he wants more.

His eyes flash and he nods, pulling back and helping you down from the counter. “Lead the way, baby.” He doesn’t know where your room is and he doesn’t want to push you but if you want him in your bed, he will be there. “Better than the counter. More room to touch you.”

You take his hand, knowing you can never come back from this. He’s leaving but you know this one night will be all he can ever give you. You’ll take it, you want him enough to take it. You guide him to your bedroom, opening the door with your free hand and you flick on the light switch as you enter. You turn to look at him, reaching up to unbutton that white dress shirt.

You are in your bra and jeans, looking beautiful and Javi’s eyes flutter slightly as your fingers brush over his skin. It’s wrong to sleep with you and leave the next day, but he needs to touch you. His fingers hook into your jeans and underwear to start to pull them down, wanting to see how wet you are.

You step out of your jeans, reaching behind you to unhook your bra, and you stand in front of him, nude and vulnerable while he’s almost fully dressed. You lean in to kiss his jaw, pushing the shirt off of his shoulders, eager to feel more of him.

“Jesus.” Javi hisses, hands caressing your hips and squeezing your ass. His cock is throbbing in his tuxedo trousers and he needs to be inside you. Letting go of your ass, he starts to fumble with his belt. “Always wanted you.” He confesses, ripping the belt open and working on the hook in the waistband.

Javi tosses the belt to the floor and you can’t help but reach out to squeeze him through his pants. “Fuck Javi. I need you to touch me.” You plead, “I need you to fuck me.” You request with a whine, unbuttoning his pants.

There’s a satisfied smirk on his face as he reaches out and cups your tits. “Going to.” He promises. “Fuck, been so long since I’ve…” he breaks off, not wanting to talk about Lorraine, not right now. It’s been a long time since he’s been with someone other than his ex fiancée and takes over the second that you have his pants open, pushing them down and kicking them off while back you up to the bed.

You shuffle back onto the bed, sitting up on your elbows to watch him as he strips off, kicking off his polished shoes, and you swallow harshly at his hard cock. “Fuck.” You gasp under your breath, shifting onto your knees to take him into your mouth for just a moment until he’s pushing you away.

“Lay down.” He orders and you nod but pout, shifting to lay back down on the bed.

He has to pick up his pants again, reaching for his wallet to pull out the condom he keeps there. He’s only been with Lorraine for a long time, but he wants to keep you safe. “Fuck, look at you.” He growls, ripping open the foil with his teeth so he can roll the rubber down his stiff length.

You spread your legs for him, biting your lip as he shuffles closer, and when he notches his cock at your entrance after swiping the covered head through your folds, you whimper his name. “Please.” You beg, tired of him teasing you, and when he finally pushes into you, your head lolls on the pillow, eyes closing as your mouth falls open at the stretch.

Javi’s jaw drops, groaning as he pushes through your walls. Feeling how tight you are squeezing around him as he fills you until the coarse hairs at the base of his cock are grinding against your soaked folds. “Fuck.” He hisses, leaning down and kissing you while he takes a moment. Both to give you time to adjust to hun and to allow him to relax, not wanting to blow his load too quickly.

You caress his back, just enjoying how he feels inside of you, filling you up and stretching you out. “God, you feel so good.” You murmur, realizing he hasn’t even moved yet. You reach down to squeeze his ass, silently encouraging him to move, while his lips kiss along your neck.

Groaning, he starts to slowly rock into you. Savoring this since he knows he will be leaving tomorrow. It's for the best. To break free and let people talk about how he had jilted Lorraine. Plus he doesn't want anyone to bother you and he knows that he won't be able to stay away from you if he's in town. Not when he now knows how you feel. "Fuck, this is- you are- fuck." He hisses, gritting his teeth.

You sigh as he sets an unhurried place, slowly rocking into you, and you whimper when he pushes deep. “Oh God. Javi.” You whimper, lifting your legs onto his hips to send him even deeper inside of you. You rock up to meet his thrusts, gasps and moans escaping your lips.

He can't stop kissing along your neck and shoulders. His mustache brushes over every inch of skin as his lips trail along with it. Covering your body with his lips and learning what makes you sigh and moan when he pushes his hips slightly harder or nips at your pulse. It's enough to make him forget about everything from the last few hours, concentrating on making you feel good and the way your hips start to rock up in addition to his.

You moan, “oh God. Javi. So - always wanted you. Just - you were engaged. Didn’t want - I didn’t want to - I’m not that kind of woman. Fuck baby.” You moan when he pushes deep inside of you, hitting just the right spot and the combination of his cock hitting you just right along with his like kissing along your neck. It sends you over the edge and you cry out his name.

“Fuuuuuck.” Javi growls, rocking his hips to work you through it, but he’s pulling out of your body just as soon as you are done cumming. You whimper and reach for him, but he’s already moving. Kissing and biting down your body before he is kneeling between your thighs, his hand squeezing his condom covered cock while he ducks his head and licks your cunt.

“Oh shit!” You squeal when his tongue slides through your folds, flicking your clit until he sucks it between his lips. Your hand finds his hair and you tug on it, pushing him deeper into your pussy. “Yes Javi. Oh shit.” You’re overstimulated but you’re pushed into your next orgasm, thighs shaking as he licks and sucks until you are pushed over the edge.

His mouth gentles but he keeps licking. Slowly letting his tongue slide over your swollen clit and down to dip into your entrance and gather the slick you are leaking with a satisfied hum. Taking his time and only when he’s ready and his mouth is soaked in you does he start kissing back up your body. He had been slowly jerking his cock so he is still ready to push back inside you.

Your head spins with pleasure as he pushes back inside of you, your moan echoes in your bedroom and you grip his upper arms, looking at him and the way his jaw clenches with concentration. “I want you to cum for me baby but I never want this to end.” You admit with a whimper, lifting your head so you can nip his jaw.

“So good.” Javi moans in your ear, panting as he rocks into you again and again. Instead of bracing his weight on his arms, he tucks them under you, pulling you close and burying his nose against your throat. “Fuck baby, you’re perfect.”

You wrap your arms around him, keeping him close, and his hips rock into you. You hook your ankles together behind his back, and you couldn’t get closer to him. “Fuck baby. It’s so good. You’re so good. Perfect.” You echo his prior words, his cock pushing deep and you pant when he hits something that makes you cry out.

“Shit.” He hisses, loving how tight you squeeze him. He doesn’t know if you are faking it or if you are just that responsive to him, but he loves it. Turning his head, he kisses you. His mouth slanting over yours while his hips snap harder, pushing towards his own release.

“Cum for me.” You beg breathlessly, your cunt fluttering around his cock as he keeps hitting that spot and within a few thrusts, you’re sent over the edge again. “Fuck!” You choke, “cu-cum for me. Cum for me. Please baby.” You plead, body shaking underneath him.

Jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut, Javi starts to cum. Gasping and immediately starting to bite along your jaw, he pours himself into the condom with filthy groans and stuttered thrusts before he pushes deep.

You moan, stroking his back as he rocks himself through his high. You kiss along his neck, relaxing back into the mattress, and you caress his skin. “So good.” You murmur, closing your eyes.

Humming agreement, he can’t help but lay there for another moment. Closing his eyes and sighing before he shuffles his hips up so he can reach between you and hold the base of the condom as he slips out of you. Stumbling out of the bed, he walks out of the room to dispose of it in your bathroom.

You sit up, watching him as he strides back into your bedroom with a rag. You smile, shyly spreading your legs as you wait for him to clean you up. “Thank you baby.” You murmur, watching him and you close your legs and shift to settle against the pillows. “So…when do you leave for the DEA?”

Javi’s fingers itch for a cigarette but he doesn’t reach for his pack. Sighing softly, he picks up his tuxedo trousers and shoves his legs into them without any underwear on. He’ll have to go outside to smoke and he can’t do that naked. Leaving them unzipped, he sits down on the side of the bed and reaches over to caress your side, sliding his hand down your leg as he chews on his lip. “I was thinking about leaving tomorrow.” He admits quietly. “Get there early.”

You nod, watching him as he caresses your leg. “Yeah? Well, I, um, guess I should wish you good luck. You gonna be coming back to Laredo?” You ask and he shakes his head, “if I do a good job, I’ll be assigned somewhere. Dunno where yet.”

You reach up to cup his cheek, “you’re gonna be amazing, baby. Go smoke. I know you want to. I’ll get cleaned up and we can say our goodbyes.” You know that he won’t stay, this was one night. Only one night. He’s leaving and you need to be happy for the one night you had with him.

“Kicking me out already?” Javi lifts a brow at you, surprised that you aren’t trying to get him to spend the night. Although he knows you might not want his truck seen in front of your place. “I get it. That way you don’t have Lorraine on your ass.”

You sit up, covering yourself with your blanket, “it’s not that. It’s just - this is a one time thing. I don’t want to keep you from your plans. We aren’t together. We aren’t in love.” You lie a little there, pretty sure you love Javier but you’ll keep that to yourself. He deserves to get out of Laredo and achieve his dreams without you holding him back. “Besides, I’m sure you wanna go see your dad.”

Staring at you for a moment, Javi nods. It hurts to hear that you don’t care about him a little but he can’t be an asshole and pretend he wants to create a life here with you. “Agreed.” He murmurs softly, reaching out and cupping your cheek. “But I’ll call you from Washington.” He promises, smiling slightly before he leans in and presses his lips to your gently.

You smile, nodding as he pulls back, “you better Peña.” He winks at you as he shrugs on his shirt, buttoning it up, and you make your way over to the bathroom to grab the robe you keep on the back of the door. When Javi puts his shoes on, you follow you out of the bedroom. You cup his cheeks, allowing yourself one more kiss as he stands by the front door. “Be happy Javi.” You murmur, caressing his neck.

He hums, “I’ll try, sweetheart. You do the same.” He kisses your forehead, “I’ll call you.” With that promise, he opens the front door and he’s walking down the path. When he’s gone, you allow yourself one night to cry over what you nearly had.

****

The phone keeps ringing and ringing, the tone in your ear is different from the U.S but you need to speak to him. You’ve gone through multiple security questions at the embassy to get hold of Peña and finally you’re waiting for him to pick up the phone.

Javi glares at the phone, cigarette hanging from his lips and he contemplates not answering it at all, but it could be a lead. He’s been thrown in the deep end in Colombia and struggling to stay afloat and figure out how to catch this bastard. Huffing, he stops his typing and snatches up the receiver. “Peña.” He grunts, starting to peck away at the report again as he tucks the phone into his shoulder.

You sigh in relief when he answers, leaning against your kitchen wall. “Javi. It’s me.” You announce and hear him suck in a breath. It’s been three months since he left your house and you have missed him every day. Especially during the night shifts and at night when you think about him while in your bed alone. He says your name and it makes you swallow harshly.

“What’s up?” He asks, confused about why you’re calling him. He’s called a couple of times since he left to check in on his pops and the town climate after he stood up Lorraine at the altar but you don’t talk unless he calls you.

“I, uh, I have some news. I - fuck. I really don’t want to tell you this over the phone but, um, I’m pregnant. It’s yours.” You manage to blurt out.

Javi freezes for a moment, mind blank to everything but the news that you are pregnant. “Javi? Are you there?” You ask, the line is silent for so long you think the call has been lost.

“What? Yeah, uh, shit-“ Javi sinks back into his chair, reports forgotten and he stares at the cord stretching out between the receiver and the base. “Pregnant? I- fuck, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head slightly and wonders if the condom had broken. He hadn’t thought so but he also hadn’t been paying attention. “Are you- I’m assuming you're not going to-“ He knows that it’s becoming more common, but it’s still kind of shocking to think about abortions.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t on birth control and I thought the condom was enough and I wasn’t ovulating so I - shit. I, uh, I’ve known for a couple of days. Kind of wanted to think about it and figure out what I wanted. I want the baby. I'm going to keep it. You don’t - I don’t - I'm not asking you to be involved. You don’t have to be the father or come back here. I’ll be okay. My mom and dad are a few streets away and I know I can do this alone. I just wanted you to know.”

“Fuck that.” Javi instantly leans forward and shakes his head even though you can’t see him. Reaching for a pack of cigarettes to pull out another one, needing the extra nicotine. “No- I’m not going to- I’ll send you money, okay? For the baby.” He wants to make sure that you know he’s not asking for an abortion. “Not for- that.”

You close your eyes, “okay. I understand. I don’t want you to feel obligated. I know you went there for a new start and I’m not dragging you back to Laredo. I can do this alone and if you want…if you want, I can keep you updated. Just how I’m doing.”

Javi sighs, taking a drag from his cigarette and pinching his brow as he thinks. You sound disappointed, but he can’t go back right now. “I- keep me updated.” He tells you. “I’ll get- when the baby is due, I’ll come back to be there when you have it.” He decides suddenly, thinking about when that would be. It should be around Christmas if his math is right. “Is that okay? I- I want to be involved but I can’t- you can’t come to Colombia. It’s too dangerous here.”

“It’s okay Javi. It was one night - hell, one hour - together. Let’s make an agreement. We will coparent. I’ll keep you posted and we can figure out what to do but I want my baby to have a daddy, just - we will figure it out.” You tell him, placing your hand in your lower stomach. “I’m sure we don’t need the scandal either but I’m sure you want to tell your dad.”

“Yeah.” Javi agrees, taking another drag of his cigarette and blowing out the smoke. “You can go to pop if you need anything. What you tell everyone else…that’s up to you.” He doesn’t care, he doesn’t live in Laredo and you do. “But I’ll send you money and whatever else you need.” Javi might be considered an asshole but he’s a man who takes care of those that deserve it. He helped create this kid, and he’s going to take care of it. “I’ll try to come back in a couple of months, but when the baby comes for sure.”

You smile against the phone, knowing that he’s a good man despite him thinking he isn’t. You miss him but you never want to be the reason he resents coming back to Laredo. You’ll be fine with the baby. “Okay. I’ll keep you posted. Javi?” You ask softly and he murmurs, “yeah?” You bite your lip, “I miss you.” You tell him and hang up the phone, knowing you need to start making plans.

Javi stares at the phone for too long after you hang up. At least until the blaring of the tone jolts him out of his stupor. He huffs to himself and clicks the line to make another call, dialing a number from memory. One he’s known for his entire life and when the phone is picked up, Javi speaks. “Hey pop.”

“Javi, mijo. How are you? Everything okay?” Chucho asks his son. It’s unusual to get a call from his son unless it’s a special occasion or something bad has happened. He knows something is wrong, knows his son like the back of his own hand.

“Yeah, pop, everything’s- everything’s good.” He’s nervous, but he’s not freaking out about a baby like he expected to be. Maybe he hadn’t really let it sink in. Although it’s happened. “I’ve got to tell you something.” Javi confesses and mentions your name. “I went over to her house when I didn’t show up at the church and well….she’s pregnant, pop.”

Chucho taps his fingers on the table, “oh mijo. You- what have you done?” Chucho always knew this day would come. Ever since he gave Javier ‘the talk’ at fourteen and found out his son was already having sex.

“Pop.” Javi sighs, rubbing his forehead at the disappointed tone in his papa’s voice. “I- I wore a condom. It broke, I guess I - shit. She wants to keep it and I- I can’t leave here but I need to do the right thing.”

Chucho bites his lip, “what does she want?” Javi tells his dad about your plan to coparent. “Well, do you want to come back from Colombia?” Chucho asks Javi the million dollar question.

“No.” Javi is torn but he knows he needs to stay. “I’ve got to- Escobar- I can’t-“ Javi sighs. “I told her I want to come back. When the baby is born. And I do. But I can’t risk her here. There’s prices on our heads, pop. What would they do to a DEA agent’s family?” Kiki Camarena’s death wasn’t too long ago and while the DEA made a statement with their handling of it, he couldn’t risk his child. He shudders thinking of it. “I need to do this, pop.”

“Then you stay there and do as much as you can so you can get home to your child. I’ll look out for her, for them. She’s a strong girl. She can do this and you can support her as much as you possibly can. I will make sure she’s okay. Just get that bastard and come home when the baby is born.” Chucho orders his son who sighs down the phone.

“I love you pop.”

Chucho smiles, “love you too mijo.” After the line dies, Chucho sets the phone down. “Mierda.” Chucho sighs, rubbing his forehead and he looks up at the ceiling, “Maria. Your son…” He trails off with a snort.

****

“How did the appointment go?” Javi asks as soon as you pick up the phone. True to your word, you had let him know about your doctor’s appointment and today was a big one. He had been counting down the hours until you would be home from work. His home phone is hooked on his shoulder and he leans back on the sofa. The girl he had fucked, a prostitute named Helena, had left earlier and blows smoke up into the air guiltily.

You smile, rubbing your belly, now showing and you are already so in love with the baby in your belly. “It went well. Doctor said everything looks good. Gave me a shit ton of vitamins to take. I’m about four months along. Just starting to get a little bump. Morning sickness is a bitch. How are you?” You ask him, wondering what he’s been up to since you last spoke.

“I’m fine.” Javi tells you, although he’s not really. He’s chain smoking and drinking his weight in whiskey most days in order to be able to sleep for a little while. “It’s harder to get this son of a bitch than I thought.” He admits with a huff.

You bite your lip, knowing that Javier is struggling to get leads but you hope you can be a bit of light in the constant darkness he’s living in. “You’ll get him. Hey, maybe you’ll get him before the bean arrives.” You try to think positively, “I got the money. It’s too much Javi.”

“Shut up.” Javi huffs at you, rolling his eyes. “You need the money more than I do. The price of baby shit is insane.” He had cringed when he had seen the prices in the catalog he had ordered secretly, just to see what all they had for a baby. “How are you feeling? You said morning sickness. Like a hangover every morning?”

“Nausea like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had to keep a trash can beside me at work. Thankfully, because it’s Night Shift, no one really questions me since no one is around but…I gotta start telling people soon, Jav. I saw Lorraine at the grocery store the other day. She looked…okay. She was with a guy. Maybe she’s dating. Do you want me to tell people you’re the father? We can keep it a secret.”

Javi thinks about it for a moment before he hums. “I want to leave that up to you.” He admits, feeling like it should be your call. “You know that it’s going to be rough if you tell them, and you’re the one who has to live with them.” He sighs. “But I’m not thinking about hiding myself from being involved. I want to be in the kid’s life.”

You hum, shifting the phone against your ear, “let’s leave it until it’s obvious that I’m showing. There’s going to be questions no matter what so let’s leave it for now. I’m not ashamed of you, of what we did, but people will put two and two together and realize we got pregnant when you ditched Lorraine.” You wince at the impending scandal but it’s unavoidable. “I just want to enjoy my pregnancy for a while longer before people start putting the scarlet letter on me.”

“It’s your decision, baby.” The endearment slipped out and Javi doesn’t even notice it. You’re the mother of his future child after all. “When will you find out what you're having?” He couldn’t exactly ask the women in the typing pool. It was better no one knew about you and the baby.

Your heart thumps at the endearment hur you shake your head, reminding yourself that you don’t have Javi, he is in Colombia. “My next appointment. Next month. 20 week scan.” You tell him, excited to find out too. “What do you want? Boy or girl?” You ask, curious about what Javier wants. You know you would love a girl but either way, you’re going to adore this baby.

“Honestly?” Javi chuckles to himself and his shoulders relax. Something about talking to you is soothing. Even if he should be nervous about a baby. “As long as it’s healthy, I don’t care. Boy or girl.” He means that. Most men would be praying for a boy, but all he wants is a healthy baby and a safe delivery. “How about you?”

You smile against the receiver, “healthy is most important and I’ll adore them no matter what but…I kind of want a girl.” You confess, “just…it’s almost like I can see her. Your hair. My eyes. My feistiness and your stubbornness.” You sigh softly.

Javi smiles, imagining a little girl like you’ve described, “your nose hopefully.”

You scoff, “I like your nose. It’s…regal.” You tell him and it’s his turn to scoff. “Oh shit. I gotta go babe. Your dad is expecting me. Wants me to pick out a stroller tonight in the catalog and he wants to pay. I’ve tried to argue but he won’t have it. Your dad is as stubborn as you. I’ll call you soon.” You promise as you hang up, glancing at the clock and you are going to the Peña house for dinner with Chucho tonight.

****

Javi shouldn’t feel guilty, but he does. He’s slept with a bunch of different women since he’s been here, paying them for information on the other men they are fucking. Sicarios like the brothels and he’s picked up a few different leads. The phone rings and he presses the money into Vanessa’s hand and hurries to pick up the phone. “Hey.” You’re the only one who really calls his apartment, so he knows it’s you. The other woman opens the door and leaves quietly, letting him turn back towards the phone and towards you.

“Hey. Just checking in. Went for the scan today. Baby girl is doing just fine and should be here between Christmas and New Year. Not long now.” Thanksgiving had just passed and you spent it with Chucho and your own family. You’d decided to keep your baby’s paternity secret, avoiding the question as much as possible from strangers as you didn’t want your little girl to be branded a bastard, the child of a cheater. You’ve seen Lorraine around but she mostly avoids you, no doubt still stung by Javier’s rejection.

“Yeah? She’s doing good?” Javi turns to watch Vanessa walk out the door, making sure she’s left before he pulls the last scan you had sent him out from between the pages of War and Peace so he can look at it. No one here knows, not even the ambassador - though she’s pissed about him going to Texas over the holidays. “I’ve booked my ticket home, gonna get there about two days before Christmas and staying for a month.” He tells you. “How are you doing? Sleeping alright?”

“She’s kicking constantly. Using my bladder as a damn trampoline. The nursery is set up. Our dads painted it pink and put the crib together. I’ve been nesting like crazy. Oh and the damn cravings. I’ve had to go out at night to get that ice cream I’m obsessed with.” You chuckle, rubbing your belly and smiling when your daughter kicks against your hand.

He imagines it all, you waddling into a store to get ice cream, puttering around your little house and getting ready for the baby. A pang of regret flashes through him at not going home, but he tries to squash it. He’s needed here. Escobar just attacked a shopping mall while taking out a lawyer a few months ago. The pictures of the innocent victims, including two little girls and a pregnant mother, that was why he was here. “Good. Did you get the money for this month?” He asks, knowing that things will be tighter for you depending on how long you are out of work following having the baby. He feels like six weeks isn’t enough for something this life changing.

“Yes. You sent too much.” You reprimand him despite knowing that he won’t care, he promised to look after you both.

“Hush.” He shakes his head, flicking his smoke in the ashtray after taking a drag.

“How are things there? Any progress on getting the bastard?” You ask, a little eager to know. Ever since you found out you’re having a girl, you have secretly wanted Javier to come back, to be a father to your baby despite you just coparenting.

“I’ve got a couple of leads, but they aren’t solid.” Javi murmurs into the phone. The lines for his apartment aren’t being monitored but he doesn’t tell you too much, not wanting to give you nightmares about things down here. “It’s going to happen though. If the CIA would fucking cooperate here instead of trying to start a fucking war.”

“Typical CIA.” You scoff, “at least you have some leads. Hopefully it happens soon.” You murmur, wanting Javier to be here for the small moments, the scans, the kicks. He’s missed so much already and the little girl hasn’t arrived yet. “I miss you Javi.” You murmur, knowing you shouldn’t get emotional like this but it’s hard when your hormones are raging and the father of your child is in another country.

“I miss you too.” He does, the fact that you were his friend before getting pregnant made it even more bittersweet. He wishes he could be there, talking to his pop about how you are growing whenever he calls him. “I will be there soon and I- do you mind if I stay with you? Help you out and just in case you go into labor in the middle of the night?” He won’t have his truck, just a rental car, but he would love to stay on your couch just to be there.

“I’d like that. A lot. I’d feel more comfortable with you in the house just in case something happens in the middle of the night.” You tell him, happy that he wants to be there for you despite you deciding to do this by yourself. Pregnancy is hard and you’ve longed to just cuddle your friend. You would never mention the fact that you’ve touched yourself to thoughts of that night. You’ll take that to your grave. The phone beeps and you look at the receiver, “I gotta go babe. My mom is calling and she said she wanted to take me to dinner. Keep me fed.” You chuckle, “I’ll talk to you soon.” You don’t give him a chance to say goodbye as you switch lines.

****

Javi sighs, tapping the steering wheel as he drives into town. It’s been a very long day and he just wants to get to your place. Leaving last night on a red eye, he had spent most of the day in Miami waiting for his connecting flight to San Antonio, deciding to drive the rest of the way. Now he just needs to get to you and see you for the first time since that night you conceived the baby. The presents for you and his daughter are in his luggage and he wonders if you are okay today since he hasn't been able to call.

When the doorbell rings, your heart thumps in your chest, and you waddle as fast as you can towards the door, flinging it open to find Javier standing on your doorstep. “Hey.” You grin, knowing you’re as big as a house and hoping he doesn’t hate what he sees despite you just coparenting. “Come in. Come in.”

“Cariño, look at you.” Javi is nearly breathless, frozen at the sight of you for a moment before he tosses his bag into your house and scoops you up into as much of a hug as he can. “Fuck- I-“ he can’t believe that he’s here, that you are pregnant. He knows you’ve been pregnant but it’s different seeing you in person and knows it’s his little girl in your stomach. “She- wow.”

When his hand caresses your stomach, you sob. You’ve missed him so much. “I’m so glad you’re here.” You choke, wrapping your arms around his neck to awkwardly pull him as close as possible.

“Me too.” He manages, his voice rough with emotions as he holds onto you and feels the baby kick under his hand. “I was praying for the last week you wouldn't go into labor before I could get here.”

You chuckle, “you know how most women research everything they can to bring on labor? I was researching the opposite.” You enjoy his responding chuckle, “I’m glad she hasn’t come yet.” You reach up to cup his cheek, “she was waiting for her daddy to arrive.”

“Daddy.” Javi’s eyes widen with wonder, as if his title has just hit him and he smiles as he looks down at your stomach. “Hope she knows I’m nervous as fuck.” He admits quietly. “This is different from helping with my cousins.”

You caress his cheek before lowering your hand to his chest, above his thumping heart. “I’m nervous as fuck too. I’ve read every book I could find, got everything I could need but I still feel like I have no clue what I’m doing. I'm scared about giving birth.” You admit, having read horror stories and how much it hurts.

“Do you want me in there?” He asks. His own reading had led him to believe that it’s uncommon, but some father’s are in the delivery room with the mother for support. He doesn’t know what you want, but if you want him there, he’ll do it.

You had thought about it, wanting him to be there for the birth after he’s missed most of your pregnancy. “I want you there…if you want to be there. I want you there to see her being born. The moment she comes into the world. I want her daddy there.” You know he will be returning to Colombia once his month is up and you don’t want him to miss a second of his daughter.

“Okay.” Javi’s dealt with blood and the aftermath of carnage, child birth should be easy. “I’ll be there. No matter what. I- can I cut the cord?” He asks hopefully. He had read about that and it’s supposed to be magical.

“Of course you can.” You snort. “Now, come in. Let’s get you settled and we can get something to eat. I’m starving…all the time. Your girl makes me crave ice cream. Mint ice cream weirdly enough.” You guide him back into the house, letting him grab his bag so he can follow you down the hall. “Do you want to see the nursery?” You ask him. When he nods, you take his hand and guide him to your guest room, now turned into a nursery, and you are proud to show off the combined work of you, his dad and your dad.

“Wow.” He bites his lip as he looks around the room that is completely decked out for a little girl. “It’s really happening, isn’t it?” He asks, smiling at the teddy bear. “Have you decided on a name?” You’ve talked about it, but never really chosen one yet,

You turn to look at him, “I was thinking Maria. After your mom.” You have spent many hours with Chucho, hearing about Javier’s childhood, his late mother, and the ranch. “Maria Gloria Peña.” You tell him, “Gloria since you know I love Gloria Estefan.” You smile, “and so does she.” The baby kicks whenever you play music.

“I-“ Javi takes a deep breath, honored and overwhelmed at the idea that you would name the baby after his mother. “I love that.” He chokes out. “Maria Gloria Peña.” He doesn’t mention that giving the baby his last name is announcing he’s the father. If you want that, he will be happy to sign the certificate.”

You smile, pleased that he likes the name. “Our Maria.” You murmur, patting his chest as tears sting in your eyes. “Come on Peña. Let’s get you settled in on the sofa bed and then let’s head over to my parents for dinner.” He seems nervous when you mention your family, “don’t worry. They know what happened. My dad was pissed at first but I explained the situation and it’s my - our - decision and my dad is just excited for a granddaughter to spoil.”

Javi rubs the back of his neck, not completely convinced about your father but he’s not going to spend anymore time away from you as he has to. He deposits his bag next to the sofa and smiles at the sheets and pillow set out. “This is perfect.” He promises you. “Better than when I sleep at the office.”

You feel bad he’s on the sofa bed but you know you can’t cross lines. He’s here for your daughter, not you. Not to be with you in any capacity other than coparents. “I’m gonna go freshen up. You know where the guest bathroom is. We can go to my parents and then come back and watch tv.” You pat his shoulder before you waddle into your bedroom, closing the door behind you. You swallow harshly, closing your eyes as you lean against the door knowing it’s going to be hard to let Javier go when the time comes.

Javi takes his toiletry bag into the other bathroom. He wishes he had time for a shower, but he doesn’t want to make you late. Brushing his teeth and slapping on more deodorant and cologne to make up for the gritty feeling of traveling for hours. He’s tired, but he isn’t going to say a word, not when he’s going to go spend time with your family who has supported you when he couldn’t.

****

You exhale shakily as you waddle along the path to your parents’ front door. “Hey pumpkin!” Your dad answers and pulls you into a careful hug, mindful of the bump. When you pull back, he looks over your shoulder to Javier standing behind you. “You must be Javier.” Your dad says, holding out his hand.

“Sir.” Javier is less nervous talking to the Ambassador than he is meeting your father. If he hated him, he wouldn’t blame the man - he’s already thought about how he would feel if his daughter was in the same situation. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He takes the man’s hand and doesn’t react when the grip is harder than socially polite.

“Dad.” You offer your father a warning tone but he shrugs, “the man knows how I feel. Getting my daughter knocked up after one night then leaving to go fight drug lords in Colombia. Not exactly every father’s dream but Maria is nearly here so let’s put that aside and focus on Christmas. Come in Peña. Your dad is already here.” Your father pats Javi on the back, letting him know he means business but understands the situation as he guides Javi into the living room.

“I do understand.” Javi ducks his head slightly, knowing him and his pop must have had many heart to hearts. “I would not risk them in Colombia. But I am close to catching the bastard and putting a stop to his operation.”

“Good. Sooner you catch him, sooner you can come back and be a father to your daughter.” Your dad says before walking into the living room where Chucho is.

“Mija. Look at you.” Chucho pulls you in for a hug, kissing your cheek. “Looks like she’s ready to come any day now.”

You chuckle, rubbing the older man’s arm for a second, “I wish. Doctor said anytime between now and New Year. I’m ready for her to come just so I can sleep properly.” You rub your belly after lowering your hand just as Javier comes over to hug his pops.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” Javi huffs, slapping his dad on the back and relaxing even more. It’s turning out to be a family party, and he’s grateful to be here.

“When did you get in?” Chucho asks and Javi gives a small shrug and grins over at you.

“About five minutes before we came over here.” He tells his dad, making him laugh and shake his head. “She is on a schedule, mijo, that baby is due any minute”

“Exactly. I gotta optimize my time before the little lady comes.” You rub Javier’s back. “I’m glad you’re here.” You lean in to kiss his cheek before you walk off to help your mom with the dinner as much as you physically can.

“So…how was it? Seeing her again?” Chucho asks Javi when your family are scattered around the room talking amongst themselves.

“She’s so….pregnant.” Javi huffs, folding his arms over his chest and ignoring the way his body seemed to like the very rounded shape of your body. There was something very primitive about seeing you full of his baby, knowing it was his. He’s never thought he was a possessive man before, but he feels slightly possessive over you.

Chucho chuckles, “I know. Something about them having your baby inside of them…I was the same way with your mother.” He reveals, making Javi wrinkle his nose. “Don’t act so surprised. I was just as active as you are.” Chucho raises his eyebrows, knowing about his son’s liaisons.

“She doesn’t know.” Javi mutters, his stomach churning with guilt.

“I won’t tell her but you need to have that discussion…how you plan to move forward with each other and the baby.” Javier nods, knowing you need to discuss the details again despite your agreement to just be coparents. When you look over and smile at him, his heart thumps and he’s reminded of why he can’t give you his heart right now, he has to see out Escobar.

****

“Fuckkkkk!” You yell, gripping the side of the bed as another contraction hits you.

“You’re doing so good, baby.” Javi murmurs, feeling helpless as he sits on the plastic hospital chair and watches you.

“Fuck you, Peña.” You groan, shifting from one foot to the other, “I- shit. Sorry. I just - where the fuck is the epidural?”

Javi chuckles, perfectly okay with you cursing him. “It’s coming, baby, it’s coming.” You had woken him up, in a panic when you felt contractions hitting you in the middle of the night, both of you tired from the day. Making him jump up and get dressed before helping you out to the car. “Our little girl is coming today.” He hums, unable to believe that it’s New Year's Eve.

You pant as the contraction passes, “she knows how to make an entrance. New Year’s Eve. So much for us celebrating the new year.” You chuckle, forehead sweating as you try to relax a little between contractions. When the epidural finally arrives, you sigh in relief and settle back onto the bed, closing your eyes. “God, that feels good.” You sigh, opening your eyes to look over at Javier.

“Good.” Javi stands up and comes over with a cool rag to wipe your forehead. “Hopefully you can rest some before you have to push.” He’s nervous but he wants to put on a brave front for you. “Do you want some ice chips?”

“Yessss.” You groan, reaching for his free hand. “I’m so glad you’re here Javi. I couldn’t have done this without you.” You murmur, looking up into those dark brown eyes. For Christmas, he’d bought you a beautiful charm bracelet with a gold heart and a pink bow on it. “I’ll add to it as she grows up.” Javier had told you and you had burst into tears, loving the idea. For Maria, he’d bought her an engraved gold bracelet for when she’s born, the engraving said ‘love always, daddy’ and that made you cry again.

Javi smiles at you, squeezing your hand as he brings it up to kiss the back of it. He’s grappling with the feelings he has for you, knowing that it’s not fair to tell you about them when he’s going back to Colombia. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He promises, reaching for the cup with the ice chips for you to suck on.

You take an ice chip, watching him as you suck on it, and you hear the beeps on the machine as you have another contraction. Soon enough, the nurses come in to check you and announce it’s time for you to push. Once Javi is gowned up and the doctor is in the room, you have to start pushing. “Javi.” You reach for his hand, squeezing it as you bear down.

“I’m here, cariño.” It’s all he can do, just be here for you. He feels helpless, watching you struggle and curse through the pains of labor. Nothing that he could really do to help you. “You’re doing so good, baby.” He coos, leaning down to wipe your forehead again and kiss it softly as you squeeze his hand hard enough to make him grunt.

You pant when you get a break from pushing, the baby’s heart is out. One more push and it’s exhausting, you’re exhausted. “Come on mama. One more push. It’s nearly midnight.” They tell you and you look up at Javi, “one more push.” He tells you, squeezing your hand. The machines beep and you brace yourself, clenching your jaw as you bear down again, trying to give one last push for your baby girl.

The silence after that push makes Javi’s heart skip a beat, terror that something went wrong - is wrong - floods his entire body until he hears a loud, angry cry. Immediately gasping, tears start to pool in his eyes as he looks over at you. “You did it, cariño. Our baby girl.” He chokes out, leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“Dad wants to cut the umbilical cord right?” The doctor asks, making Javi nod and shuffle down, letting go of your hand so he can take the medical scissors to cut through the cord where the doctor tells him. Nearly unable to see from the tears, he sees the wet, squalling infant and immediately falls in love with her.

You are shaking when they place the baby on your chest, her body covered in gunk and her cries echoing in the room but you swear you’ve never loved anything more. She nuzzles into your skin and you start to sob, looking up at Javier as he shifts back to your side after cutting the cord. “She’s - shes - she’s perfect.” You choke, reaching for his hand as you caress the baby’s back.

“Yes, she is.” Javi whispers, leaning down over you and the baby, kissing her forehead and not caring about anything other than the two of you at this moment. The nurses and doctors are still working, but this is a moment where nothing else exists to him. “Thank you.” He manages, turning and kissing your forehead after glancing at your lips and deciding that it wasn’t right for him to kiss you when you just wanted to co parent.

You are overwhelmed, wanting to tell him how you feel at this moment, but it’s not right. It’s not fair to either of you and to Maria. She deserves to have parents who can coexist without awkwardness. She settles against your chest just as it’s time to push the afterbirth out. You grab Javier’s hand as you push it out and after, they take Maria to weigh her and clean her up. “I can’t believe she’s here.” You murmur when she’s back, wrapped in blankets and asleep in your arms. Her little lips are just like her daddy, thick dark hair on her head.

“I know.” Javi fidgets, it’s been a long time, hours, since he’s had a cigarette but he’s not moving from this spot until he has to. His hand reaches out and caresses his daughter’s tiny cheek. “I- I don’t know what to say. She’s- fuck, she’s so innocent. Perfect.” He whispers quietly. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.” He thinks about Escobar and shakes his head. “I’m going to ask for more help, get this done so I can get stationed back in the states when it’s done.”

You look at Javier and nod, “I’ll support you no matter what you do. We will be waiting here for you after you get that bastard.” You smile at him, not quite realizing that you promised you would be waiting for him, you’re exhausted. “Just - I want you to be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.” You tell him.

Javier offers you a cheeky grin, “me? Stupid? Never.”

You roll your eyes and chuckle at him, looking back at Maria, “she needs her daddy.” ‘So do I’ you want to add but swallow that down.

****

Leaving is the hardest thing Javi has ever done in his fucking life. The problem with him is that once he makes a commitment, he follows through. With the exception of marrying Lorraine. It would be perfect if he could bring you and the baby to Colombia, but there is zero chance of him putting the two of you in danger. He zips up his bag and sighs, turning to find you watching him as you sway with the baby in your arms. “Let me hold her one last time.” It’s been nearly three weeks of time together with a newborn and even though he’s exhausted, he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

You nod, stepping over to slide the baby into his arms. She coos, looking up at her daddy and tears sting in her eyes. “Shit. Sorry.” You hiss, wiping your eyes, “fucking hormones still.” You swallow and watch him as he cradles Maria. “I- I’ll go get her bottle.” You murmur, wanting to give him a moment alone to say goodbye. You’ve had a stressful few weeks while trying to breastfeed, being unable to produce enough milk, and Javier has been by your side the entire time. You’re terrified to have him leave, to do this alone, for him to go back into danger and potentially lose him, for Maria to lose him. Emotions bubble over and a sob escapes your lips when you hear him murmuring to Maria while you get her bottle ready in the kitchen.

“You be a good girl for mama.” Javi murmurs quietly. “Daddy’s gotta go catch the bad guy.” He doesn’t want to, not really, but he’s determined to make it happen so he can come back and raise this little girl with you. “I’m going to miss you every day, but your mama takes such good care of you. We both love you, bebita.”

You compose yourself, knowing you need to be strong, and you walk back into the living room with Maria’s bottle. “You’re going to be late for your flight.” You remind him and he sighs, reluctant to go but you know he has to. He slides Maria back into your arms and you place the bottle at her lips, making her suck eagerly. “Go get him and come home to her, Javi.” You order, looking at Maria before you look into those gorgeous brown eyes.

He wishes that you said ‘to us’ but this isn’t that type of relationship. You didn’t want him and that’s understandable. Nodding, Javi pulls you into his arms for a quick hug and kisses your forehead before he kisses Maria’s. “I’ll call you when I get back to my apartment.” He promises, stepping away and picking up his bag. “Lock the door behind me, cariño.” He cautions, ever worried about your safety and more so now that the baby is here. “Bye.”

“Bye Javi. Be safe.” You tell him as he looks back over his shoulder before he shuts the door behind him. You shift to sit down, swallowing harshly as Maria finishes her bottle. She yawns and you shift her onto your shoulder to burp her, “daddy will be back soon.” You promise her when she falls asleep in your arms, tears streaming down your cheeks as you try to believe that. He will be back soon.

****

It’s nearly been a year. A year of calling you as often as he can and the situation growing even more dire in Colombia. Javi’s taken on a new partner, a gringo named Steve Murphy and things seem like they are never going to end. “Hey.” Javi sighs as you answer the phone. He can hear Maria giggling and squealing in the background. “My plane leaves tomorrow, thank fuck. I should be there in twenty-four hours.” He tells you, eager to get to your house and see the daughter he has missed every day for a year. Only hearing about her growth on the phone and seeing it through pictures has been hard, especially when Steve and Connie ended up fostering a little girl who lost her mother here.

“We will be waiting. Maria wants to see her daddy. Don’t you baby?” Your little girl crawls over to you. Not yet walking. You pray she walks while Javi is here so he can see a milestone. She giggles and you smile at her, eager for her to see her father again. “She’s missed you. We both have.” You admit, biting your lip. You’re glad he’s going to be here for her first birthday. He’s missed so much already.

“I missed you both too.” He replies honestly and your heart clenches.

“Maria.” You sigh as she tries to grab your water bottle. “She’s so active. Walking any day now. I gotta go Jav. I’ll see you tomorrow. Safe travels, baby.” You say and hang up the phone, picking up your daughter. Making her giggle and you can’t help but laugh alongside her, happy for Javi to be coming home.

The flight seems to take forever. He’d brushed off Steve’s questions, no one in Colombia knows about Maria and he wants to keep it that way. Even his partner is in the dark but it’s safer for you. Also, it’s a safe haven for him, untouched by the bullshit he deals with on a day to day basis. This time when he pulls onto the driveway, he grins. The teddy bear he had bought Maria is the first thing he grabs as he rushes out of the car. He can get his bags later, eager to see his girls.

When the doorbell rings, you inhale sharply and adjust Maria on your hip. “It’s daddy, baby girl. He’s home.” You tell her as you walk towards the door. You unlock it, flinging it open and when you see Javier, your heart pounds. He looks tired, worn out and ragged but he’s still so handsome. “Hey.” You smile, excited that he’s home.

Christ, you look good. Javi grins at you, perking up at the sight of your smile and Maria’s excited gurgle and he quickly steps inside the house to hug you both. “God, I missed you both.” He huffs, pulling back and his eyes widen. “She’s so big, so much bigger than the pictures!”

“She’s grown in the last few weeks. Growth spurt.” Maria hides her face in your neck, suddenly shy. “Baby, this is daddy. It’s papa.” You tell her, stroking her back and Javi swallows harshly, hating the fact that his daughter doesn’t really know who he is.

“Hey Maria. It’s papa. You know, from the phone.” He says gently and Maria lifts her head.

“It’s daddy.” You tell her and she looks at Javi, recognizing his voice from the phone.

“Dada.” She repeats and Javi nods, holding his hands out towards her. She leans towards him, letting him pull her into his arms for a hug and tears sting in your eyes. It’s been a hard year alone, raising your daughter, but Javi is here now and you are grateful he’s okay, he’s safe.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi swallows and holds her close for a long moment, tearing up at being able to hold his daughter again. When she snuggles into him, he swears his heart explodes and he looks over at you with the feeling of being on top of the world running through his veins. “Daddy’s home and I brought you a teddy.” He coos, bringing up the bear to show her. There are more presents in his bag, but he wanted to give this one to her now instead of at Christmas.

Maria squeals, pulling the teddy close to hug to her chest and Javier holds her close to his, tears stinging in his eyes and you wipe the tears that rolled down your cheeks. “I, um, you want some coffee and a sandwich? I'm sure you’re hungry.” You tell Javi, needing a moment and you know he will follow you in a second with Maria in his arms.

“Whatever is easy for you.” Javi is hungry but he doesn’t want to make more work for you while he’s here. He wants to spend time with his daughter and help you with her while he can. “I’m not picky.” He jostles Maria happily and leans in to kiss her cheeks and neck to make her giggle from the ticklishness of his mustache. “How are you doing? Do you need anything?”

An orgasm. You want to say but you shove that down. “No, I’m good. I’ve been coping. My parents and your dad have been amazing. They look after her while I’m at work. I hated leaving her, had a breakdown the first time and I didn’t want to tell you.” You admit shyly as you reach for the bread to begin making him and yourself a sandwich. “Ham and cheese okay?” You ask and he nods so you continue. “It’s been tough but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She’s - Javi, she’s incredible.”

“I love every time you send me pictures of her. And when I get to talk to her.” He knows that she doesn’t know what he is talking about and half the time it’s nothing more than him talking about the more censored aspects of his job, but he likes talking to her. “I’m glad pop is helping out, she’s all he talks about when I call him.” Javi steps closer to you, inhaling the scent of your shampoo and sighs happily. You smell the same, like you always have and there is something warm and soft about you right now that he craves.

You finish making the sandwiches, feeling Javier behind you as Maria crawls over to her high chair and you set the knife down, turning to face him. "I missed you." You wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close, inhaling the same cologne he's worn since you met him. It's musky and reminds you of home. Despite him being gone all year, he has become your rock. Your person to vent to, your person to laugh with and just sit on the phone listening to each other go about their routine.

He almost does it. He almost leans in to kiss you. Licking his lips and parting them in anticipation of tasting you again. Until Maria squeals, breaking the spell and making him squeeze your hips as he exhales roughly, trying to shake off the attraction. It would be bad and it would change your relationship and he can’t risk that. “I’ve missed you too.” He promises lightly, letting go of you to bend down and pick Maria up to toss her up playfully. “And I missed you, baby girl!” He chortles, trying to remind himself of what is important. He can’t risk losing his daughter because he is thinking with his dick.

You exhale shakily, knowing you were close to kissing him and you can’t do that. It’s not fair on Maria or either of you. He will be going back to Colombia and you need to be a mother and focus on that. You need to put Maria first.

****

Christmas Day comes and goes, celebrating with both of your families and Javier gets you another charm for your bracelet. A beautiful teddy bear charm and you love it. He gives Maria far too many toys alongside your parents and Chucho, she’s thoroughly spoiled despite not really understanding Christmas yet. After Christmas, you are busy planning Maria’s first birthday. It’s going to be family and a few friends, Javier’s cousins who have met Maria. “You ready?” You ask Javi as you hold Maria, looking beautiful in her new dress and Javier comes out in a checkered shirt that has you swallowing harshly at how handsome he looks.

“Absolutely.” Javi hums, appreciating the way you dressed Maria and reaches for her. “This little girl is going to love her birthday when she gets older. Aren’t you, baby girl?” She kicks excitedly, not sure what is happening but feeding off his own joy. “What can I do to help?” The food is already prepared and Javi’s tias are bringing plenty of food as well, the beer is on ice and the birthday cake for the baby to dig into is beautifully decorated.

"Everything is all ready. Between my family and yours, we had an army to get things ready." You smile, "come on, we don't want to be late." The drive to the church is quick and you enter with Maria between you as the crowd of family and friends cheer for your daughter's first birthday. Javier's cousins - second and third - run around the hall, hyped up on soda and candy, and you grin as you sit with Maria on your lap once the party is in full swing.

“Never thought I would see it.” Javi’s cousin jostles his shoulder, nearly making him spill his beer as he brings it up to his lips.

“See what?” He turns, smirking slightly at the glassy edge to his cousin Hugo’s eyes.

“You- with a baby.” Hugo huffs, motioning with his own beer to where you are sitting. “After Lorraine, we all thought you would be a bachelor, but you were out there making babies!”

Javi rolls his eyes and sighs, smiling when he sees Maria turning and cuddling into your chest when another stranger comes up to meet her. “She’s great.” He admits. “I - I don’t know if I could imagine not having her now.”

“Maria or her mother?” Hugo asks, eyebrows raised.

Javier sighs, “it’s complicated.”

Hugo scoffs, “when isn’t anything with you not complicated? Hell, you left Lorraine at the altar and get another woman pregnant. That’s complicated. Then you fuck off to Colombia and leave her high and dry with your kid.” Javier growls and Hugo puts his hands up, “no offense man, just telling it like it is.”

Javi sighs, knowing that’s what it looks like. “We didn’t know she was pregnant until I was in Colombia.” Javi admits, looking back over at you and Maria. “She wanted to keep her and I’m glad. I love my daughter, and I’m trying to get back here, or somewhere safer so they can be with me.” He doesn’t care if Hugo understands, you understand and that’s all that matters.

“Cake time!” You announce, distracting everyone and Javi nods to his cousin as he stands up. You have changed Maria into a onesie so she can ruin it and you place her in her high chair before the cake is brought out. Javi stands beside you as your mom carries out the smash cake she made for Maria. There’s no candle on the cake but you place it in front of your daughter and she grins before smacking her hands into the cake. You chuckle, turning to look at Javier who is watching his daughter with a wide grin on his face. He’s leaving tomorrow and you’ll miss him terribly.

Javi chuckles when Maria rubs the cake all over her face in an attempt to eat it. She will need to be hosed off, but he loves to see it. It’s almost natural to wrap his arm around your waist and hugs you to him as the two of you watch and everyone laughs at your daughter who is happily soaking up the attention.

****

You bite your lip, watching Javier as he puts his case in the rental car he hired. He will likely be gone for another year and you hate it. How much time he’s losing with Maria. You hold Maria, watching him as he walks back over to you. “Say goodbye to daddy, sweetheart.” You place Maria in his arms.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi plasters a smile on his face but he hates the fact that he’s leaving. Back to Colombia and the hunt for Escobar. “Daddy’s gotta go back to work, but I’m going to call you every chance I get and I’m going to see you as soon as I can.” He promises. “I love you so much.”

You bite your lip as Maria nuzzles into his neck and he kisses her hair. It’s painful to watch and you know he hates it as much as you do. Him leaving…he takes a piece of you every time he goes. You step towards him, cupping his cheek, “I’ll keep you updated and you can call every day to talk to her.”

“Okay.” Javi croaks out, leaning in and pressing his forehead against yours. Maria squirms and throws herself towards her mother, wanting to be held by her. As you take the baby, Javi kisses your forehead and then hers. “Take care of our baby girl, cariño.” He murmurs. “I’ll call you when I get back.”

You want him to stay, desperately, but he has to go so you nod, adjusting Maria on your hip as Javier opens your front door. “See you soon Javi.” You tell him, knowing that it’s getting harder to not tell him how you feel every time he leaves.

****

“Never took you for the sentimental type but you always go home for Christmas.” Steve is fishing for information, looking over the desks as Javi as he finishes up the last of the paperwork so he can get the fuck out of here next week. It’s been another two years and he’s exhausted, just ready to see you and his daughter. “What do you have going on in Laredo man?”

“Whatever Steve.” He grumbles, shifting slightly and aware that things have gotten out of hand. In a desperate bid to get that fucker, Javi’s gotten himself in deep and now there’s a chance he might pay for it.

“Peña.” His head pops up to see Messina scowling at him, obviously pissed. “My office, now.”

****

You inhale sharply when the car pulls onto your driveway. “Maria baby. Daddy’s here!” You call out and the three - nearly four - year old comes barrelling across the living room. Surprised that he is here early, he’s supposed to be in next week.

“Daddy!” She squeals and you grin, excited to see Javier yourself. It’s been so long that he’s been in Colombia, sometimes you wonder if he will ever catch Escobar. You’ve tried moving on from him but it’s hard, you even went on dates but no one matches up to Javier Peña.

“Hey baby girl.” Javi nearly cried when his daughter ran out of the door as he got out of the car and met her halfway across the lawn, scooping his daughter up in his arms and burying his face in her little neck. Regret hangs heavy and he feels like he made the wrong decision years ago. It didn’t matter, he’s been sent home. Fucking years away from you and Maria and he didn’t even accomplish what he had set out to do.

“Daddy! I missed you!” Maria squeals when Javier holds her close and you can see the stress in his muscles as he pulls back to look at you.

“Hey stranger.” You joke, leaning in to kiss his cheek, and your heart thumps when those dark eyes meet yours.

“Hey.” He closes his eyes and just breathes in the smell of you and his daughter. The smell of home. Javi is angry, disappointed in himself, but he’s also happy to be right here. Needing you and Maria. Over the years, he’s realized that you are his anchor, his sense of home in this world.

“You’re a week early. What happened?” You ask once you’re inside and he’s sitting on the sofa. “Did something go wrong?” You guess, sitting down beside him and Maria rushes over to show Javier her new Barbie.

“Daddy. Look what abuelo got me.” She says, showing him the doll Chucho got her as an early Christmas present.

“That’s a pretty baby, baby girl.” Javi makes the appropriate noises about the Barbie, even though he knows nothing about the dolls. He pulls her up into his lap and sighs. “I- if you don’t mind, I’m going to be sticking around longer.” He admits quietly. “I’ve been sent back. I’m off the team.”

You frown, “what happened?” You reach for his hand, squeezing it. “Maria, sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy need to have grown-up time. Can you go to your room and show your new Barbie her friends?” You ask and Maria nods, sliding off of Javi’s lap then running off after she kisses Javi’s cheek. “Tell me what happened.”

“I fucked up, cariño.” Javi admits, leaning back against the sofa and tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling. “I tried to work with some bad people in order to get Escobar.” He confesses. “I got in too deep and got caught.”

You sigh, “Javi. Why- why would you do that?” You shift closer to him.

“I wanted to come back. I’ve already missed so much. I didn’t want to miss anything else. I was fucking desperate and I got sloppy. I got caught and now, all that time I have spent away from you both…it’s all for nothing.”

You shake your head, reaching up to cup his cheek and turn his face towards you, “it’s not for nothing. You did what you had to do. Maria can be proud of her daddy for doing what he could to take down an evil man. You didn’t - you might’ve fucked up but I know you, Peña, you did it from your heart. It’s happened. Let’s just - let’s focus on the holidays and being a family. Maria is excited you’re home.” You suddenly remember what tonight is. “Shit.” You lower your hand from his cheek, “I, uh, my mom is coming over soon.”

“Why is your mom coming over?” Javi asks, frowning slightly although he shouldn’t be surprised that he’s thrown your plans out of whack. He’s shown up early and dumped all his issues at your door.

“She’s watching Maria for me.” You admit, making Javi hum. Must be that book club you were talking to him about.

“Well, I’ll take care of Maria while you do your book club thing, give your mom and you a night off.” He’s her father, he can give you a night off for yourself when he has missed so much of her day-to-day life.

“It’s, um, it’s not for the book club. I…I, uh, I have a date. With Kevin. From the station.” You reveal, biting your lip. You feel so guilty now that he’s here. You figured he had been fucking other women during his time in Colombia and you haven’t had sex since that night with Javi, wanting to focus on Maria and not bring a man into the fold before she could understand.

“Oh- uh, okay.” Immediately Javi wants to tell you to stay here, to spend time with him and Maria but that would be unforgivably selfish of him. He manages to keep from frowning as he stares down at his hands. “I’ll watch her tonight. She’s my daughter.” He reminds himself that he chose this, he didn’t want to commit to you because he was too full of himself about making a difference in the world. He’s had plenty of liaisons and he shouldn’t feel possessive over you. He gave up that right. “If that’s okay?”

You nod, “yeah that’s good. I have leftovers in the fridge for Maria. Spaghetti and meatballs. Plus those yogurts she likes. Oh and the juice boxes-”

Javi shakes his head, “I got it. What time are you leaving?” He asks.

“In an hour. I guess I better get ready. I really appreciate this Javi.” You pat his arm and stand up, heading into your bedroom to get ready for the date. After showering and doing your hair and makeup, you’re ready and come into the living room to find Javier and Maria watching a Disney movie. “I won’t be long.” You promise Javi, deciding to drive to your date so you don’t have Kevin meet Maria. It’s definitely not appropriate.

“Okay.” Javi stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets so he doesn’t pull you back inside the house as you open the door. Sighing to himself, he looks at his daughter where she is entranced with watching Simba. “Are you hungry now or do you want to wait?” He asks, making her shake her little head.

“After the movie, daddy!” She huffs, annoyed he would even ask and he can’t help but grin at her attitude. She gets it honest.

“Okay, after the movie.” Sitting back down, he wonders why you never mentioned dating. Was it serious? Are you two a thing? He swallows and stares at the tv, not really seeing it as he hopes the date sucks.

****

The date is okay. Nothing to write home about but Kevin is a nice guy and he understands your situation. He knows you have Maria and Javi and asked if there is anything between you still. With a sigh, you said “there was nothing between us to begin with. It was just one night.” A lie on your part but you know Javier has never asked for more from you other than to be co parents.

You open your front door, kicking off your heels to find Maria rushing up to you in her pajamas. “Mama!” She hugs your legs and you stroke her hair, “why aren’t you in bed?” You ask, looking up as Javi enters the hall.

“She insisted on staying up to see you come home.” He couldn’t get her to go to sleep and his nervous energy must’ve transferred to her as she couldn’t stay in her bed.

“Oh baby girl.” You kneel down to hug her and pull her into your arms as you stand. “Mommy’s home now and it’s late. Come on, daddy and I will both put you to bed.” You carry her into her room and Javier follows behind you. You lay her down and cover her up with the duvet, brushing her hair back. “I love you sweetheart.” You lean down to kiss her forehead. “Daddy will say goodnight and then it’s bedtime. Your night light is on. Daddy is here to fight the monsters for you.” You assure her and look up at Javier.

“I will, baby girl.” Javi doesn’t know if he’s allowed to stay on the couch this time since you’ve started dating but he can talk about that with you later. He leans down and kisses Maria’s head and pulls her covers up and hands her the blanket she has to sleep with every night. Javi had given it to her two years ago. “Go to sleep, bebita.”

You slowly back out of the room, pulling the door closed as she closes her eyes and is out in moments due to staying up way past her bedtime. You head into the kitchen to make your regular night time tea and you turn to look at Javi as he follows you. “So you’re back for good?” You ask him, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Technically, I’m on leave with pay until they decide what they want to do with me.” Javi admits, wanting to ask you how your date went. You’re back too early to have fucked the guy, unless he was that lousy of a lay. “But I don’t know, I felt like I was beating my head against a rock the entire time. And I have missed so much with our daughter.”

“You did what you thought was the best solution. Hell, we know from the Sheriff's department what bureaucracy and paperwork does. Slows us down while the criminals get away with it. No doubt the DEA is worse. You are here. That’s all that matters. She loves you, she knows you fight bad men, tells everyone at pre-school how her papa is a superhero.” You chuckle, a fond smile on your face.

Rubbing his jaw with his hand, he contemplates your words, feeling slightly undeserving of his young daughter’s praise. She wouldn’t think him a superhero, you wouldn’t either if you knew what he had done. “I- I should probably look for a place to stay.” He murmurs. “I can go to my pop’s. I know you don’t want me living on your couch indefinitely.”

You shake your head, “you can stay as long as you want, Javi. I know the sofa isn’t the most comfortable place but you’ve lost out on time with Maria and I would never take that away from you.” You step closer to him when he says “I’m sure Kevin wouldn’t want me sleeping on your couch.”

You frown, “Kevin doesn’t decide who sleeps on my sofa. I do. I decide that the father of my child sleeps on my sofa. If Kevin has a problem with that, he can fuck off.”

Smirking slightly, Javi admires the fire in your eyes. “There’s my cariño.” He murmurs, searching your face for any doubt. “I hated you going on that date.” He confesses. “Wanted to tell you to stay here with Maria….and me.”

You bite your lip, staring at him, “I didn’t want to go but I- it’s been over four years since I - I haven’t dated or been with anyone else since you. I figured you- you’re not a monk so obviously you’ve been with women in Colombia and I don’t blame you for that but I decided to put myself back out there now that Maria is nearly four. I can’t - I can’t spend my life waiting for you.”

Javi nods slowly, knowing that everything you’ve said is true. He hasn’t been a monk. But the fact that it’s been four years for you blows his mind. “I- fuck baby.” He groans, reaching for you and pulling you close. “You have to know what you do to me. Back then, pregnant with our baby, right now.” He presses you up against his hardening cock. “I just didn’t want to break your heart.”

You stare into those dark brown eyes you love so much. “It wasn’t fair on either of us to wait for each other. We had things to do. You had to catch Escobar, I had to look after Maria. We made the responsible decision.” Your heart pounds at the feeling of his arousal pressing into your hip and his hands caressing your back. “Are you ready? For me? For us? Don’t tell me what I want to hear. I can’t - shit happens that we can’t control but don’t tell me what I want to hear and change your mind tomorrow. I couldn’t handle that after being in love with you for six years.”

Javi huffs out a small chuckle, knowing that he might not have been in love with you the night he came over to your house and made Maria with you, but he had feelings for you. Feelings that have become a deep, lasting love. “I’m ready.” He promises, reaching up and cupping your face tenderly. Watching you for a moment as that familiar buzz between you starts to grow. This time he doesn’t pull back, this time he leans in and captures your lips on a kiss that is four years late.

You sigh into the kiss, cupping his cheeks. It’s soft and sweet, building like these feelings you’ve nurtured between you for years. The flames climb higher and he’s soon pushing you back against the kitchen counter, his tongue sliding into your mouth and you eagerly open, tangling your tongue with his. His cock is hard in his pants, pressing against you and you grind against him, wordlessly conveying what you need, what you’ve longed for.

“Baby- you gotta-“ Javi pulls back and looks at you, panting slightly. “Can I take you to bed?” He asks, wanting to do this right. He doesn’t have any intention of leaving it tomorrow. “Or-“ Maria is still in the house and he would understand if you didn’t want to risk it. He might be her father but she’s never seen him sleep in the same bed as you. It would be completely different than the last night he spent in your bed.

“You never have to ask. I want you in my bed. Every damn night.” You caress his chest, “come on baby.” You take his hand and guide him through the living room to your bedroom. “I said I’d take you to bed.” Javier jokes and you giggle, spinning once you’re in your bedroom to face him, “it’s my bedroom.”

“It is your bedroom.” Javi murmurs as he steps closer to you, his eyes dark with lust. “The same bedroom I’ve fucked you in before. Same bed we made Maria in.” He smirks, looking over at the bed and then back at you.

You smile, fondly remembering that night you made Maria. You reach for his shirt, working on the buttons. “I have an IUD. Regulates my periods so we don’t need to worry about an accident. We aren’t ready for that.” You murmur, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders.

Javi snorts. “I’d be batting a thousand.” He murmurs, slightly smug about the fact that you are choosing him to sleep with after the last time. “I’ve been tested but I can wear a condom.” He doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, knowing you know that he’s not been a saint in Colombia. His own fingers find the zipper of your dress and he drags it down, eager to see your body again.

“I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.” You murmur, wanting to feel him after being without him for so long. You shiver when his fingers caress your spine before he pushes the dress off of your shoulders. “My memories did you no justice.” You murmurs, running your hands down his chest to his stomach until you work on unbuckling his belt.

“Cariño, you are more beautiful now.” He praises, leaning in and capturing your nipple in his mouth through the cloth of your bra while he works the hooks. Groaning as he inhales your sweet, musky scent. Transporting him back to that night all over again.

You arch your back into his mouth, pulling back when he tugs your bra down your arms, exposing your tits. “After a baby and many years…I think you’re forgetting Peña.” You tease, working on the button of his jeans and you reach in to pull out his hard cock, pumping him slowly.

Hisses against your skin, Javi bites down on your nipple and sucks it into his mouth. Suckling harshly, Javi strips down your panties and shoves his hand between your legs to rub your clit. Determined for you to feel good after so long without sex

You moan, grip going slack on his cock, and you let him guide you back towards your bed. You shift to lay down and he resumes rubbing your clit. You spread your legs, moaning his name and he hovers over you to kiss along your neck.

He manages to kick off his jeans and groans when the hard tip of his cock presses against your hip. Two fingers sliding down to press inside you while his thumb rubs your clit. “Fuck, your so tight.” He groans into your skin, kissing back up to your lips while his fingers pump and curl inside you.

“It’s been too long.” You remind him, hips bucking into his touch and you gently scratch your nails down his back, loving the groan that escapes him. When he shifts closer, you reach between you to wrap your fingers around his cock, trying to jerk him despite the way his fingers are making you pant with pleasure.

“Shit.” Javi hisses, his fingers pushing into you a bit more harshly. His cock throbs in your hand but he wants to make sure that you enjoy this. You deserve to have as much pleasure as you can. “Want you to cum for me.” He groans, biting down on your chin gently.

You grip slackens on his cock again as his fingers hit that spot inside of you, combined with his thumb on your clit, and it sends you over the edge with a soft cry that he smothers with his lips. Tongue sliding against yours while he works you through your orgasm. You shake beneath him, experiencing the first orgasm you’ve had from someone else in over four years. “Fuck.” You pant, tilting your head back after he removes his fingers from your pussy.

“Good?” Javi kisses along your jaw and listens to you pant softly. Giving you time to calm down. He needs this to be more than rough and needy. Needs to show you - to show himself - that this is different. “Want another, cariño?” He asks. “Or do you want me inside you?”

“So- so good.” You want to feel him inside of you since you only got to have him once the last time. You want him to spend all night inside of you, even if he isn’t hard, you just want to feel him. “Fuck me, Javi.” You beg, reaching down to grip his cock again. “I need you.”

He has to bat your hand away, too afraid that he will just let you jerk him off because of how good it feels. Maneuvering between your thighs, Javi notches himself at your entrance and stares into your eyes as he slowly starts to sink into you again.

You whimper when he pushes into you, “I love you, Javi.” You caress his shoulders, “I love you.” It feels good to finally say it and you watch him as he pushes deep inside of you, burying his cock and he doesn’t move, giving you a moment to adjust to him.

Closing his eyes, Javi groans your name. “I love you too.” He confesses, twitching inside you as he says it. You feel perfect, like he’s home right there inside your cunt. Pushing his arms around you, he starts to slowly rock his hips.

You feel surrounded by him and it is incredible. “Fuck, Javi.” You gasp when he starts to move. It’s been so long since you’ve had sex, and his cock is thick. He stretches you out but you fucking love it. “God, you feel so good.” You keep repeating it but it’s true. Your heart pounding in your chest as he slowly rocks into you.

“You.” Javi gasps, biting his lip as you squeeze around him. “Feel…so fucking perfect.” He moans. He’s not going to try to compare this to anyone else he’s slept with, he can’t. It wouldn’t be fair. This is you, the mother of his child, the woman he loves. “I love you.” He grunts, pushing into you again.

You cry out when he hits something incredible inside of you. You pant against his jaw. “I. Love. You.” You rasp out, tangling your fingers in his hair and you kiss him, pushing your tongue into his mouth as he thrusts a few more times in that same angle. You’re sent over the edge, a cry poured into his mouth, muffled as you clamp down on his cock and cum around him.

Javi’s hands curl into fists, groaning at the feeling of your orgasm around him. Having to push harder to work you through it. Feeling his own end sneaking up on him. “Gonna, fuck- gonna cum.” He warns. “Pull-“ He can’t even finish the question before he’s pushing deep, moaning your name while he cums.

You can’t even breathe as he paints your walls with his cum. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your nails dig into his back as he slowly rocks his hips to work himself through his orgasm. “Oh God Jav. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.” You choke out, tears stinging your eyes as you bathe in the aftermath of your orgasm, your emotions threatening to overwhelm you as you cling to him.

Panting, Javi refuses to move an inch away from you. Keeping his weight up on his elbows so he doesn’t crush you, he just kisses you again and again. “Missed you baby. I’m here.” He reassures you breathlessly. “I’m here. I’m here.”

You breathe him in, absorbing his kisses, and you caress his back, trying to calm the dents from your nails. “You’re here.” You murmur, just enjoying him surrounding you. You kiss along his jaw, “you’re here to stay.”

“I’m here to stay.” Javi murmurs, saying the words out loud for the first time since he had been ordered back to the states. He had toyed with the idea of going to DC, but he had come home instead. Knowing he was needed here far more than any drug war he had been losing. “I love you and Maria so much.”

“We love you too. I’m so glad you’re home Javi. You’re back just in time for Christmas and for Maria’s birthday. She’s going to be so happy to have her daddy here for good. I know I am too. I don’t regret anything. All of it led us to this moment so I don’t regret a thing.” You promise, “that night…it gave us a family.”

“Our family.” Javi murmurs, smiling down at you softly. “I still can’t believe our daughter was born on New Year’s Eve.” He huffs fondly. “Just two minutes later and she would have been a New Year’s baby.” She had missed being born at midnight by two minutes and both you and Javi joked about it every year.

****

You are exhausted, throwing Maria’s fourth birthday party during the day and she had worn herself out playing with her friends and your families, opening presents and having cake. Now asleep in bed to miss the new year, you and Javier are sitting on the sofa, waiting for the countdown. “Maria was born at this exact time.” You smile, seeing it’s two minutes to midnight.

“Yes she was.” Javi smirks slightly. Running his hand down his thigh to calm his nerves. “Our lives changed forever. And I have to say it was amazing.” To be there and see her, to witness those first moments of life and remind him of what was important. Family. “So I’m going to use that fact to do something.” He admits, taking your hand and standing up. Taking a deep breath, he kneels down in front of you and watches your eyes widen.

The ring that he had bought during some last minute Christmas shopping is in his pocket and burning a hole in it. He was going to wait until midnight, but he couldn't. “Cariño, it’s been a rough road, and I’ve been selfish, but I’m right here, right now.” His voice is low, silky as he tries to remember the speech he had thought up. This time is so different from asking Lorraine. “You are the mother of my child and the woman that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, before the New Year, will you agree to be my wife?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the box with the ring. “Will you marry me?”

You stare at him in shock, never imagining Javier to be the marriage type and you weren’t anticipating marrying him but to see him down on one knee, your heart pounds in your chest. “Oh Javi.” You choke, tears stinging in your eyes and you swallow harshly. “Ye- yes. Yes. I’ll marry you. Yes!” You giggle breathlessly, bending over to press your lips to his, “I will marry you.” You murmur between kisses, tears now streaming down your cheeks.

He stands up and you grin against his lips as he takes the ring from the box, sliding it onto your finger. “Oh it’s beautiful.” You choke as you look down at the ring just as the countdown to the new year begins.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven…”

You kiss Javier again and when the clock strikes midnight, you lean back to look into his eyes. “Happy New Year, Javi. My love.” You murmur.

“Happy New Year. To the best one yet.” He replies, meaning every word. This will be the best year of Javier’s life. Living with his fiancée and his daughter. It’s all he could’ve asked for.

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