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#jaehyun drabbles
catboyieejeno · 3 months
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random texts with bf! jaehyun
cw: sexual/suggestive, one suic!de joke
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gyeomsweetgyeom · 5 months
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[7:37 pm]
(cw: f!reader, a few curse words, no hate at all to business majors xx)
“Baby! Come on you know I didn’t mean it!” Fratboy!Jaehyun calls out with a laugh in his voice.
“You called me stupid, Jaehyun," You pout.
He fails to hide his laugh at the sight, "No, I said don't be stupid. There's a difference."
"And there's a difference between being single and having a girlfriend, asshole," you reply, slamming the door behind you.
You stomp down the stairs and almost make it to the door when Taeyong, your favorite of Jaehyun's frat brothers, asks if you were going to stay for dinner. You can never say no to him.
In the kitchen you help him chop vegetables before he finally asks you what happened, "I told Jaehyun I couldn't spend the night because I had a big project due by Monday and he told me there was no way a project for my major would constitute me not being able to spend the night. Then he just kept talking and said that none of my classes could be harder than his."
Taeyong stopped with wide eyes, "he said that?"
You nod quickly, "Oh yeah, then he told me that he doesn't think any major would be harder than his business classes, especially mine, and I'd be stupid to think so."
Taeyong ends up agreeing with you and your current upset state, Jaehyun is officially in the wrong. You can feel your phone in your pocket vibrating with texts from Jaehyun but you don't care enough to text back. He can learn from the consequences of being rude.
When the meal is finally ready, you take a seat at the table, far away from your honorary seat at the dinner table, the seat that was right beside Jaehyun's.
Jaehyun walks into the room and sees you sitting beside Taeyong and Haechan, "Really? You're still butt hurt? You didn't answer any of my texts, I wasn't sure if you were safe."
You make it a point not to look at him, so Haechan answers for you instead, "You have her location and you made her feel bad, she doesn't owe you anything."
Jaehyun glares at the younger man, he could be so annoying sometimes. While he ate, Jaehyun's eyes were glued on you with a scowl watching you laugh and interact with everyone but him. He looked like a child who was forced to share his favorite toy, it was hilarious.
While you stood in the kitchen and continued conversing with Taeyong, Jaehyun slipped in and wrapped his arms around your waist, "are you really still mad at me baby?"
"Yes, Jaehyun," You reply curtly, not reciprocating any type of affection like you would usually. This was new for everyone to witness, usually it was you giving the affection. It was you who initiated the hugs, used the mushy petnames, began the disgusting make out sessions. It was funny to see Jaehyun being the clingier of you two now.
He nuzzles his face in your neck, pressing kisses to the slope of your shoulder, "I'm not Jaehyun. I'm your love, your baby, your babe."
"Not when you're being mean."
"I didn't mean to say it," he whines, hearing someone snort out a laugh in the background.
"Jaehyun, I just can't believe you'd say that to me. You're a fucking business major with a 2.8 GPA and I'm on the dean's list with a 3.9. Almost all your classes are freshman level classes. Anything I do is harder than what you do," you finally snap.
"My love, I'm sorry," he cups your face and begins pressing kisses across your face while you still huff in annoyance in his hold.
"I don't like it when you call me stupid or imply that I am," You pout looking up into his eyes.
He presses his forehead to yours, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, "You're not baby. You're so smart and I'm the stupid one."
Someone imitates a whipping noise and mocks, "No, I'm stupid! Me! Me! I'm so stupid!"
"Fucking whipped is what he is," someone else chuckles.
"Would you guys knock it off, I'm trying to apologize to my girlfriend here!" Jaehyun calls out with an annoyed groan.
Another whip noise, "Pretty sure, I heard her call you single bro."
"Did you break up?" Haechan asks hopefully, fingers visibly crossed on both hands.
"Jaehyun gets a pass this time," you reply leaning into Jaehyun to give his cheek a kiss, ignoring the groans of the other guys in the room while he smiles happliy, "but I want flowers too."
He kisses you softly a few times, your face still cradled in his hands while he looks you right in the eye, "then my girl is getting her flowers."
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haespoir · 7 months
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texts w/ bf!jaehyun!
i’ve lost count on where we are with bf jae
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onyourhyuck · 11 months
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Perfume. | J.JH
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— Prologue: “I like the taste of your lips on mine.”
— Summary: Where you are a witch who makes potions and you get werewolf!Jaehyun obsessed with your perfume scent.
— Genre: Romance. Smut. Fantasy. Witch!y/n x Werewolf!jaehyun. Minors dni. Big Dick Jaehyun agenda. Vaginal penetration. Makeout sessions. Hickeys. ‘Markings’. Pinning. Biting. A little overstimulation play here. Massive breeding kink from Jaehyun in this fic.
— Notes: This is a long fic.
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It all started with the city werewolves have moved into the local town outskirts the city which started the whole fantasy community to go on an uproar gossiping spree. You couldn’t really understand their motive as to why they were moving so suddenly from where they belong. As far as your knowledge extends (which is quite long and valuable) you remember the city of Seoul being the werewolf territory. But these werewolves have moved to a neutral zone where every living creature lives. Mostly humans surround this zone so you had to be awfully discreet about your race and who you actually are. Thank god for human disguised am i right?
You wouldn’t be able to spot out a werewolf normally you would have to take a really good look at them when the days are on their full moon cycle, then they are easier to spot out as if they were a stuck out thumb. For a vampire it’s harder now too. Vampires come to your shop for the same problems; blood bags, thirst suppressants drugs or a ring casted with sunlight protection so they can walk in the daylight when it’s sunny.
You make potions for a living and many humans would mistake your shop to be a Halloween costume store because of your awful stereotypical witch designs but everyone who knows who you truly are would come over speaking in a different tone. Today was a sunny day and it was peacefully pleasant. Your assistant Winwin comes out with a box of your new empty potion glasses.
“These should last you a month exactly Y/n.” Winwin says with a little laugh coming out and you look at the potion glasses inspecting them. Checking the size and the quantity they will provide. You like to be fair. You don’t like to cheat and make someone’s potion smaller and someone else have bigger amount.
You nod approving. “These ones are good. They are all equal.” Winwin was relieved to say the least you tend to be very picky and hard to impress. There is always something wrong in your eyes and you tend to overanalyse. This might be a witch thing but he certainly doesn’t have that trait. Winwin walks away with the box. “Put them in the back okay?” You shout at Winwin going to the back to put the potions there. Your head turns around when the shop’s bell rang on the front every time someone comes in.
It alerts your focus on the customer who walks in surprisedly you stay there a little stunned by how they walk in freely in such a view. The man your eyes were practically stuck on worshipping was a paler man with round eyes enough to pierce your soul and take it away. The blonde locks rest tightly flowing with the wind your fan provides in the corner. He wore this long cardigan and a plane white tank top with a pair of jeans that suit his muscular thighs well. He turns to you waving a hand in your face wondering what you’re zoning out for. “Hello? Miss? Are you going to reply?”
I lay there shaking my head readjusting my eyes before i glance up fumbling my words. “Oh right… what were you saying?”
Jaehyun chuckles seeing you become so flustered. He wasn’t expecting the local witch here to be kinda cute. “I am here for werewolf suppressants.” You watch him checking him up and down. ‘Oh he’s a werewolf.’ You weren’t expecting him to be a werewolf but you start to pity his kind. They have it rough. Rougher than vampires that’s for sure.
He saw you turning your back to him to go and check the potion bottles that have all sorts of different colourful liquids and shining by the reflection to the light. As he saw you checking for the werewolf suppressants it gave him enough time to look and wander around your shop. It gave him the creeps a little he wouldn’t lie; he never came to a witch shop before but something within his body was telling him go and grab those suppressants because last time… it didn’t go so well. Jaehyun rubs the back of his neck staring down at a mannequin. “Why does she have a mannequin here…” he mutters thinking.
Your ears perk up at his words in the far distance and you quote on quote tell out. “That Mannequin is alive! I don’t recommend touching it. It can get pretty offended easily.”
Jaehyun’s eyes widen as he pulls his hand away from touching its shoulders and as he was about to walk away the Mannequin twists the head around staring him down. He jumps away yelling out. “Holy fucking-shit it moved.” He moves away to the front as your attention leans on the man again when he comes forward. He breathes a little more heavy exhaling out the stressful fright he just had.
Your eyebrows rose up seeing him become shaken up. “I told you it was alive.” You seethe with a smile through and he turns to you. “Do you have any suppressants?” He’d ask and you turn away your gaze shaking your head. “I don’t seem to have any made because not many werewolves live here and they never come to ask me. You are a first.” You stated and Jaehyun’s eyes wonder to look at your face nodding slowly.
“But I can make you suppressants if you stay for a bit?” You offered seeing how the man looked doomed for his life. You weren’t expecting him to look thankful as if you saved his life right now. Jaehyun nods with a grin. “Please that would be life changing honestly.”
You couldn’t help but wonder if this was his first heat or if this was just something he was avoiding getting because there weren’t many local witches in the city? You could only wonder. Jaehyun follows you to the back room in your shop revealing a spacious working place with a brewing stand and a cauldron with nothing in it yet but only boiling water. He couldn’t help but admire your workplace it had every kind of Ingredients a witch can ask for you it was pretty impressive collection. You stop at the brew standing humming. “So how long do you want these suppressants to last for?” You would ask and the young werewolf glances to you. “Only twenty four hours will do.”
You nod. “Okay. So why are you suddenly here and not the city then? Just wondering because its pretty deprived here from your people. There’s a bunch of humans, a few vampires and a few witches only living here.”
You work as you spoke despite not watching him Jaehyun kept on watching you and something was soon pulling him closer as he took a deep inhale through his nostrils catching onto a very sweet scent like a perfume. He fidgets behind you approaching closer. “My pack wanted to get away from the city life. I had no choice but to follow. You know how it goes.” He paused. “Your perfume smells nice by the way.” It definitely caught you by surprise how well his words rang in your ear suddenly and you turn around noticing he was closing the space between you when you were not looking at him.
Your humane eyes widen as you felt your cheeks grow red and you look down at the brewing stand that was forming the solution so you can boil it inside the cauldron after. “Thanks. It’s a new… perfume i made to keep away bugs in the summer heat. I really hate bugs.” You murmur. You turn the conversation around quickly staring at him — your eyes were locked together if they were meant to be watching each other as if you were both longing for another.
Your voice became smaller than before and somehow all your confidence went down the bin where you couldn’t get it back. Everything about this man in front of you was pulling you away from things you didn’t know you were attracted to but here you are rediscovering how handsomely he was watching you. “I see. Your alpha orders can’t be broken. Is that why you are here I’m guessing?” You we’re kind of glad he came into your town. You’re sort of interested in Jaehyun now.
Jaehyun nods slowly watching you speak softly. “Yeah…my father can’t be here alone.” He chuckles a little. Your eyebrows rose up at him as he spoke revealing it was his father. “Oh- your father is an alpha? Does that mean you are…”
You pause stopping on your trailing tracks and he nods softly it was the most humble nod ever. You heard a few rumours that Alpha werewolves were the biggest dickheads but here you are chatting your life away with one and he was the most respectful so far — maybe they met the wrong alphas. However you met the right one. He was kind and respectful something you’d admit changed your perspective on werewolves.
“I hope this doesn’t intimidate you right?” Jaehyun asks you and you shake your head. “No of course not. You seem lovely.” Your eyes look down as the solution was done and you grab the solution into a small triangle glass and then walk to the cauldron in the middle. He slowly walks behind you watching you make these potions it was fascinating. He never encountered a witch so close where he can see their works being made — usually witches are very discreet and prefer working alone because their magic and potions were their only real source of protection for themselves. It was something far too important to show to other people.
But here you are making a suppressant for his upcoming heat that he felt very strongly good about because you decided to make it for him even if you had none for him to take. It was a kind offer he will forever keep to the heart. As the solution falls into the cauldron a few Latin mantras to the spell were said as your hands rub on the top cauldron moving it with the movement to your fingers, as if you were controlling it and mixing the solution with the water as one compound.
You’re using your power to change and make the formula. Jaehyun stays there with his heart beating fast when he saw a glimpse of it change colour and a new hope inside him becomes an inner peace to see the suppressant finally come to life. You take the liquid into small pieces in the air and turn them into pills. They fell into your hands and you push them into a container where he can keep them.
The suppressants levitate to his hands in the open and you pull your hands away watching Jaehyun smile looking at the suppressants and back to you. “Thank you… I didn’t ask your name earlier…”
You smile. “It’s Y/N. My name is Y/n.”
He could remember your smile for decades seeing you smile like that. “Nice to meet you Y/n. I am Jaehyun. Jung Jaehyun.” And your hands quietly shake the other.
This was a start to something new, you had a feeling.
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“Here is your four blood bags and please for god’s sake do not drink them all at once Taeyong! This should last you exactly a month before you can get another quadruple blood bags.” You lecture one of your local customers, Lee Taeyong. He was a vampire and a pretty good one at that because he can’t seem to control his freaking thirst levels at all. He was like the biggest gluttony you’ve ever met.
He frowns at your scolding. “Fine fine. I’ll try my best. I still have no idea how hyung can survive this hungry.” He was lucky he is cute because you would’ve smacked him right away for coming here everyday asking for his food resources. You’re surprised he hasn’t killed a single human in this town yet knowing how his controls lacking. You can’t even believe Moon Taeil sirened this poor guy into a vampire now he has to deal with him.
You see this community has laws for each species so it wouldn’t be an absolute war case on each other. If an elder vampire turns another (sirens) human into a vampire mistake or not mistake they have now legal rights to keep that vampire under their wing because newborns are true war criminals and havoc if they don’t have someone teaching them how to survive other wise the human population in this town would decrease. Another vampire law is that vampires can’t drink from a human unless it’s consensual relationship with them or, they are dying already not caused by you. Hence why many vampires drink from dead bodies here. It was kind of disgusting and disturbing but you can’t talk.
As for witch laws. You can’t hex someone because that is forbidden magic and the witch council will have every right to kill you. You can’t perform forbidden dark magic such as necromancy or more. And last law you can’t do magic until you are eighteen years old. (But of course in schools you can, but outside schools you cannot) Underage magic is a big deal because many young teenagers who have this power take advantage of it.
You weren’t aware of werewolf laws but you do know that an Alpha order cannot be mend or broken down or bent actually. They have a very strict hierarchy between their ranks; you know that the lowest ones are omegas and these have it hard in life. You almost pity them and thank you weren’t born a werewolf. You were wondering what kind of laws they have but you didn’t want to pry into their whole system. You just wondered ever since Jaehyun came to your shop last week it’s been a long wait.
You wanted to see him again you won’t lie. You liked his company and you were getting far too curious for your own good. But who says you can’t be friends with him?
Winwin comes out the back rooms whistling. “What’s that long face for Y/n?” He points at you dazing out again.
You’ve been absent minded for a while. You look back at the boy sighing. “What? I don’t have a long face on.” Winwin side eyes you as if you couldn’t be serious. “You were. What’s up? What’s on your mind.”
You sigh trailing. “I was hoping… he would come by and chat with me some more.”
Your assistant Winwin snickers at your words it was a surprise to hear because you never get interested into someone’s personal life or want to actively get to know someone specific yet Jaehyun was on your mind with every step overtaking your everything. Anywhere you walk it’s as if he was walking with you. Everywhere you go you smell his scent and that weird breathtaking perfume that made you addicted to smelling him. It’s so irritating because he is not here and you know it.
But you’re annoyed because he isn’t here with you. You weren’t sure what was happening to you. You were completely out of it. Winwin whistles. “You fall for a werewolf. You totally fell for him. Man I didn’t think you would fall for someone like him.”
You hiss at Winwin grabbing the nearest magazine and rolling it ready to throw and hit him for teasing you but lucky for him he was steps ahead far away from your throw distance.
“Shut up I did not!”
“Oh! You’re angry guessing by your reaction I am right.” Winwin runs off as you saw him leave the shop to do some more errands most likely. He was also running away from your anger and denial. You slant back into your seat feeling a sudden low energy.
You have the urge to meet him again. For some reason. You can’t put your hand on it.
‘Maybe I should go for a walk… that will clear my mind.’ You thought to yourself as you made your way outside. Winwin can handle the shop as you go and take a breather or two.
You therefore start to venture outside roaming the streets of your local town with nothing in sight unless it was a few cars driving on the road and you happen to see them as you walk past. Your gaze meets a neighbourhood where your house was located and a van moving in to the house opposite yours. You couldn’t help but run over to find out who was moving in there and then you were met with someone you would’ve never thought to be there standing with two other figures behind. Your eyes were fixated on the silhouette outline of his muscular build and you were so wrong for admiring him now.
It’s as if you were thrilled with overwhelming urge all this time that has been released off your shoulders now only because you saw him. You weren’t sure what this mild obsession with Jaehyun was and why you happen to be so excited to meet him again.
When he finally noticed you behind the scenes he walks over with a wide smile quite surprised just as much as you were. “Y/n! What are you doing round here?” He asked you and you couldn’t help but wonder the same to him. If anything you should be asking him what he was doing here.
You point your gaze at the house opposite to the other road. “I actually live in that house over there. What are you doing here?”
Jaehyun points to the moving van that his two friends behind him were pulling up the boxes helping them to move in. “I am moving in.” Your eyes move to the two men you don’t know.
One man had pale complexion and sharp piercing eyes reminding you of a hare while the other man had soft features but a friendly smile flashing out to you. Jaehyun saw how you were observing his friends and he laughs a little. “Oh right you must be wondering who these are.” He stops turning to them. “Doyoung and Jungwoo this is Y/n. She is the local witch that owns the store there.”
Doyoung was quick to put the box down lending you a hand out and you shake his hand softly. Jungwoo waves at you smiling. “Hi Y/n. Your suppressants have helped us a lot by the way.” He mentions and you couldn’t help but feel surprised by the sudden compliment.
You were glad your suppressants worked out well for them. You hum relieved a little. “Oh that’s good. I wasn’t sure if they were good enough for you guys.” You say and Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. “You looked like you knew what you were doing the other day though.”
You smirk. “Every witch pretends to know what they are doing with potions. Otherwise you wouldn’t have customers.” Doyoung laughs. “I like your humour. Why don’t you come inside we are just moving in right now?”
Without a doubt you were walking inside the house with your shoes taken off. The house was very spacious and layout well. The guys were moving in slowly and it seems like Jaehyun decided to live alone with two of his friends who happen to be also werewolves. You couldn’t lie but it was cute and endearing to see them have such a close relationship as if they were brothers despite not being blood related it made your heart melt to see Jaehyun and Jungwoo mess about as well as Doyoung calm them down too. You decide to help the boys out too.
Your help was needed inside the house with Doyoung where he puts the curtains on. You both plug the tv and set that up too and then you helped out with the carpet on the floor. Jungwoo and Jaehyun took care of the kitchen where they unpack the cutlery and plates as such putting them into the cupboards and cabinets. While you were done you decide to check out the upstairs where it seemingly was already done and ready to be used.
The house gave you a homey feel. It didn’t feel like a new open house with people moving in after it was finished and ready. Every room had its located items fitting in the perfect setting. You walk around Turing to joining the boys again but this time only Jaehyun was there standing inside his bedroom putting up the vinyls on the wall decorating them.
The vinyls were from a band called Cigarettes After Sex. He had plenty of bands and many more albums somewhere decorated and laying on the desk. The door was wide open so you couldn’t help but be nosey and sneak in taking a step forward but even though he couldn’t see you and his back was turned to you he could smell you from miles away. He could hear you coming before you were approaching. He could smell your distinctive perfume smell he so craves to bathe in it. He wants your scent so badly it could really make him go insane.
Your feet stop when Jaehyun’s head turns around looking ahead at you making you stop on your tracks. “Sorry the door was open wide so I just came in unannounced. I hope you don’t mind.” You said softly hoping he would go easy on you but judging by Jaehyun’s reaction he seems quite content to have you enter his bedroom.
It was intimate to be inside a bedroom with a guy you just met but you couldn’t help but feel an urging spark to just go and stay with him. Speak to him. Smell him. You were going crazy you felt like it definitely— even your thoughts were only shouting Jung Jaehyun on repeat.
He was gentle when speaking with you always. It was different when he would speak to his friends before because he was quite laid back but with you he was always very calm, aware of your feelings and understanding of you. It was something you were not expecting from someone you just met.
“You can come in whenever you please Y/n. You helped us a lot today thank you.” Jaehyun looks down chuckling. You look at him wondering why he was giggling quietly. “It seems like you always help me out. I owe you a lot.”
‘Oh he was laughing because he was shy’. You couldn’t help but smile going shy and feeling all soft and warm deep inside. God how bad his words effect you.
“You don’t owe me anything trust me. I’m glad to help you out when someone needs it. Your two friends from before were nice too are all werewolves this nice perhaps?”
Jaehyun smiles shaking his head as he turns to you softly tucking the hands in the front trousers. He wore a white shirt and over a beige sweater it made him look smart and comfortable definitely it was very loose clothing yet they fit round his body like he was chiselled down from the finest God’s. If only people like you existed more in this world, he swore he met a saint when you had met the first day at your shop.
“Hmm. How about just me? Those two dorks are just trying to get on your good side it seems. They aren’t always nice trust me.” He leans down whispering to your beautiful face watching him so intensely he could feel his stomach twist and turn with butterflies in them. How can you stare at him with such eyes? “Especially Jungwoo. Be careful he can be very mean.” He adds with an emphasis on the ‘Mean’.
You smirk not believing it one bit and your body moves by itself coming forward closer to the small gap closing between you guys that Jaehyun had left but now that you shut it down your bodies peek on each other like multiple books lining on a bookshelf at an abandoned library. Your voice came out as a withering Bligh. “I don’t think you are as kind as you say you are.” He saw your face so clear he could fall over by how your beauty was existing.
Jaehyun however did not back away. He didn’t run away from you something within him told him to stay with you and close more of your space between you and him. He wasn’t sure what this form of attachment was but he could take a guess when your touch accidentally fell on each other as your fingers managed to make a little touch by your pinkies. His eyes widen as he felt a warm sensation on his body and you couldn’t believe you felt it too with him.
And then something pulls you back into reality, another voice pokes out into the scenario coming his two friends walk in on you guys staring into each others eyes like it was never ending. Jungwoo’s voice comes out loud first. “Hey Y/n would you like to stay over for dinner!—“ it came out hushed at the end as Jaehyun was staring you down with his beating heart.
Both Doyoung and Jungwoo felt the rising tension and they stand in the doorway outside Jaehyun’s bedroom. You pull away shakily falling apart from the man in front standing there frozen as a statue.
What the fuck was that? You couldn’t answer it no matter how much magical knowledge you have you simply had no idea how to come to an conclusion answer to this weird sensation running your body with a touch you and Jaehyun shared. It wasn’t even a physical effect it broke you down quite literally. Mentally you felt worn out and terrified by this deep attachment your heart was breaking apart with and Jaehyun was staring you down with so much emotion he began to tear up yet they did not fall out of his eyes.
Just what was happening to you?
You were quickly to dismiss Jungwoo’s invitation walking past them and running down the stairs out of the house door and leaving. You can’t stay any longer because if you did your body would overheat. Why was your body so warm around Jaehyun? It was burning if anything. It wasn’t the good kind of warm either it was this burning scorching feeling that your body shared after a small touch.
Not only did it kind of hurt. It began to exchange your thoughts and smell as if he could read them and he could know you smell him from every corner of that house and it was a weird feeling and thing to happen. You never touched someone and you had this whole spiritual awakening before. Why him? Why Jaehyun? Why now and why then? You had so many why’s but not a lot of answers to them.
‘Just ignore it Y/n. Ignore him. Ignore this ever happened.’
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“So you’re telling me you experienced a spiritual awakening after touching Jaehyun’s hand?” Repeated Winwin who was slanting over the shop cashier desk not believing what happened to you one bit. It was strange to say the least because it was completely random but there can be so many answers to why this happened.
Winwin couldn’t pin one answer down because there would be like fifteen more to your single question it was very difficult to figure out. But here you are trying to find answers with your best friend and another witch that hopefully will help you out but no it seems Winwin was as clueless as you.
You groan struggling to deal with this because even if you and Jaehyun haven’t met or crossed paths since that day it seems like you can feel him everywhere as if he was observing you. It literally felt like you were losing your mind the further you were away from Jaehyun but the closer you are the more scary it was accepting this weird bond you have formed.
He prattles off with the book about werewolves hoping to find the answer to your worries and such. So far nothing in these werewolves grimoires have been able to confirm or deny these claims. “I must say werewolves are difficult creatures. Every werewolf has a different way of making a bond with someone.” He continues. “Here in this book it’s saying it could be an imprint.”
You hawk your eyes at the boy. “You’re telling me a fucking werewolf imprinted on me? Knowing me only after two days?!”
Winwin shrugs. “Imprint doesn’t mean it’s romantic always. It could be platonic. Or he could feel the need to have a brotherly affection for you.”
You glare at him with a blank expression on your face as you grab the rolled up magazine book approaching him carefully. Winwin stops speaking sighing. “Or maybe not. I was just saying… god no need to result to violence. Afterall I’m not the one that bonded with a raging werewolf…”
You sit down hopelessly pondering at your life and how it’s coming to be formed because after knowing Jaehyun you’ve been having majority of it with conflicting feelings and emotions; you were happy knowing him but at what cost would you still be happy? You weren’t sure what’s happening to your body. You can barely sleep without longing to be next to him every single second of the day even now your body is wanting to move and run to his house to find him.
Winwin stops on a page suddenly turning to look at you from the book up front. “Hey Y/n what are your symptoms?” He’d ask and you sigh trailing into a wondering corner. “Everything feels like it goes from zero to a hundred. I have massive mood swings when I’m apart from him. I keep thinking about him constantly. My mind keeps screaming his name out. My heart is pondering fast when I’m near and away from him. God I feel like I’m going insane. My body wants to run away and find him like I’m a marathon runner.” You look back at Winwin.
The boy had an expression that was promising you’d have to say. “Do you ever feel fidgety?” You nod continually now walking up front grabbing the cashier table shaking him back and Winwin escapes back a little with the grimoire to his chest. You gasp. “Did you find a solution to this? Please tell me you did.” You we’re desperate to fix this and go back to normal or at least find an idea as to what is happening to you and Jaehyun.
The Chinese boy flatly turns to you wondering how to bring this news to you. The grimoire was sat on the table as he softly says…
“Y/n…”
You nod at him waiting for an answer but he seems to be hesitant not knowing how to tell you.
“I think you may be Jaehyun’s mate…”
“She is.”
A voice came to confirm belonging to Jungwoo and Doyoung who spoke out in unison as they entered the shop. You flinch as you saw Jaehyun’s friends coming over and Winwin stares them down wondering what they were doing here and as to why they came with such a serious expression.
Jungwoo walks forward but a hand stops them from coming closer to you. Winwin steps in the middle crossing the arms watching them suspiciously.
“You aren’t here to cause trouble am i right?” Winwin shot at them both. “If any of you hurt Y/n I won’t hold back lightly. I will make sure to send you to oblivion understood?” Winwin sucks in his breathe pointing with a wand pointing at them. Jungwoo nods multiple times and Doyoung wanted to roll his eyes out with these witch ass threats.
“We are here to talk to Y/n.” Doyoung spat. “Please we have some class. Do not think we are thugs or something.”
You shot your head to the side coming closer and your friend Winwin soon pulls away from the scene going behind to let you talk to them as much as you want to now. “About Jaehyun am i right?” Your voice was high pitch clearly you were worried about him and these two can explain what you can do to solve this but you knew this won’t be as simple as it would have seem to be. Doyoung nods at your words clarifying you were right.
They were here for Jaehyun.
Jungwoo smiles down at you before he spoke out cashing your eyes on to him away from the other werewolf with the black hair. “Come with us and you can speak to Jaehyun with what has happened. I promise, it will make sense if you just let Jaehyun speak and explain this to you.”
He paused seeing how your emotions flash in just a second by the way your eyebrows rest flat on your face. You look away contemplating if you should go and see him but at the same time you were filled with dead fear wondering what will happen after all of this? You didn’t know this would ever occur. Somehow you follow your innocent heart that wants to see him and you push away your logical heartless brain that would rather decline instead.
“Okay I will see Jaehyun.”
Doyoung and Jungwoo felt a sense of accomplishment to finally convincing you to come with them home. They were worried if you would say no there would be no hope for you guys.
The black hair man with a tall structure and a stare sent to you reassuringly puts his hand on your shoulder. “It will make a lot more sense when Jaehyun explains it okay?”
You hope it does.
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To be back inside Jaehyun’s house you were given Jungwoo’s house keys and they told you to go inside alone and speak with him. Doyoung had a few sudden errands to attend to and Jungwoo didn’t want to be in the house and wanted to give you the space you guys needed. You weren’t sure what Jungwoo is up to now but he did say he will find something to do for the meanwhile.
You enter the house with the keys attach to the doorknob entering and then closing it shut. You take off your jacket slowly putting it on the cloak hanger in the corner. The house was vast silent and empty like it were isolated for centuries somehow this made your skin crawl and you couldn’t shove this horrific feeling away. Somehow the closer you go in the house you start to calm down by the lingering scent of someone’s cologne and your body remembers it with each step you take as if he was walking with you, next to you, talking to you.
And just like that you found yourself in front of Jaehyun it seems like the young man was twice as infatuated with your smell when you came inside the moment you did you were in his environment and his body was automatically searching for you like a radio station alert on every specific time table for you. His jawline clicks open trying to find the words what’s to say to you but your beauty stuns him overtime.
“You came, Y/n.” You heard Jaehyun retort as if he wasn’t expecting you to actually come to him but here you are standing in his very own house. You look around finding it too tense to think. “I want answers, Jaehyun.” You mutter straight to the point.
Ah yes the answers. Jaehyun was dreading explaining this essentially to a Witch it wasn’t easy news to make out the best. If only you were a werewolf it would be so much easier for you to understand how mating actually works and how it can really change your relationship and viewpoint of him . But since you are a Witch you will need to adjust to this weird bond you guys have formed unknowingly. It was love a first sight but this time a werewolf has simply… decided to do this.
You guys sit down together on the couch letting the living room rest with the conquering silence the house was in a state. Jaehyun sits there not facing you with his hands on his legs thinking deeply how to assign this to you. “What do you know about werewolves in general?” You couldn’t line when he asked you this you felt like a lost case. “Barely anything. Doyoung and Jungwoo mentioned something to do with mates? I have no idea what that is.” You shrug your shoulders feeling his eyes on you as you mentioned mates.
Jaehyun felt his ears perk up as you could see an opening for him to take and he will take it upon consideration. His sultry voice lingers like a soft melody you can listen to every single day without a complaint or a pause. “Werewolves mate with someone unwillingly. They don’t get to pick and it happens spontaneously. You also get only one mate in your life.”
You felt your brain hurt from hearing this meaning if you’re mates with Jaehyun it definitely was for life. It doesn’t sound fair neither on you or on him. I mean, you aren’t a werewolf surely there must be some judgement there? Are you even a good compatible match for him? How did you become a mate with him in the first place. You had plenty of questions.
“Wait so… I’m your mate? Is that it? I don’t get it why me out of everyone else.”
Jaehyun couldn’t stop you but his next following words left you stunned. “Because i love you unconditionally Y/n. It sounds crazy because we only met few times but you can’t deny that you feel the same way for me. Our bond is not normal.” His hands brush on top of yours making the skin grow warm and pinkies as if it were blushing by how confidently he grabbed your palms. “I… can feel… see you… even when you’re not around me. It’s driving me insane for these past few days when you are far away. I feel like I could go insane. Your emotions are my emotions. Your thoughts are my thoughts now.”
“But I’m a witch Jaehyun. I’m not a freaking werewolf.” You hiss back. You couldn’t accept this easily just because you are someone’s mate doesn’t make you responsible to take care about it. Jaehyun stares into your eyes sternly as he leans closer. “Witch or not you are my mate. I don’t see the problem in that so why do you?”
“We are too different. I won’t be able to… please you… to love you back the way you love me… heck I don’t even know anything about your kind. How can you expect me to love you back?”
“In this world I only breathe you. I only see and think of you and nobody can change that. I picked you for a reason and so did the universe grant me to you. You’re everything I’ve ever asked for believe me Y/n. So don’t worry and just… give yourself to me… okay?” He whispers as his hands crawl cupping your face you felt weak instantaneously falling in deeper to his arms like melted ice cream and as you did Jaehyun caressed your lips with the edge of the thumb looking down at them hungrily. Jaehyun speaks in a broken tone. “You’re comfortable with me right?”
As far as you’re aware you remember being comfortable and you gave a soft nod and a small hum escaped your lips when two pairs of lips crash on to yours heavily kissing you and you felt your whole body react to it by pushing Jaehyun into your body. The man on top grabbed your waist pulling you down and pinning you where you fight for dominance. Your bodies were a burning ember merging together as one it was a beautiful sensation running through your skin leaving markings of goosebumps. His mouth drifting down to your jawline brushing his teeth and werewolf fangs on your skin that leaves you irking for more and more; your eyes were closed shut but you allow your imagination take you to places. Jaehyun left bruises on your skin you couldn’t even tell when they got there — they were a purple ish and reddish colour on your complexion and small bites where landing.
With every tight groping on your body made you feel so small under his body you haven’t realised it how muscular and larger he was than you. If anything he was larger than life itself and you can’t wait to see what’s awaiting for you in the far future. Those clothes that physically annoyed Jaehyun staring at them were ripped off your bodies leaving your naked presence together resting on one another where his hands roam every trace with the fingertips. You shudder when the sight of his large girthy and thick erected cock stands still intimidatingly before reaching deep inside you.
The tip could barely fit and you couldn’t even think about this thing being so deep inside you it almost made you pass out by pretending it could. You shakily grab the nearest pillow on the couch as you were underneath him pinned like a prey while he was the dangerous predator losing his consciousness of the humane side left inside him. You could not notice it before but now that you were staring the werewolf down your eyes take a glimpse of bright yellow light in his eyes shining through as if this was a sign for you to take and run away but you couldn’t. You did not want to run away you wanted to stay. You wanted him to take you. You needed him. You wanted to be as one with him.
You whimper as his raging cock was taking it sweet time entering you slow and edging. He heard the noises taking it as a cute sign from you as well as your expressions he couldn’t stop thinking about mentally — it’s the way your lips part away to let out an incoming moan or the way your nostrils flare out at the burning sensation of you being stretched outwards on and on. “God Jaehyun you… you are so big I don’t think I can make it fit.” You stutter unable to think quick.
A hand cups your cheeks as he felt your sudden anxiety thump at your doorstep making you nervous. This whole thing is making you nervous and he couldn’t blame you. For non werewolves this whole thing must be a bunch of nerve wrecking stuff bothering your brain and heart. Worst thing is Jaehyun can feel it in his own body. Every emotion you’re experiencing he was getting it too. It made it easier for you both to emphasise and understand but at the same time it made it equally harder. Jaehyun wanted to calm you not stress you out more.
As his hands held your face he lovingly rests the forehead against yours closing his eyes and sighing. “It’s okay. Y/n. Listen to my heartbeat alright? I’m not going to hurt you. I will be slow. It will fit, believe me. You’re doing amazing so far.” He sighs out giving you a rose of confidence you did not have before and somewhere you felt calmer when he mentioned his own heart rate; somehow, it works. Listening to his heartbeat and nothing else makes a great distraction because within a minute seeing you calm down and relax your entrance becomes looser enough to let his large cock slide in much quicker but still a little slowly because he did not want to surprise you.
The thrusts where a peaceful road. It was sensual enough to leave you dotting around like a little doll just for Jaehyun laying down on the coach moving your hips up sometimes to synch with his movements to rock back and let him rut deep in you with his animalistic movements you weren’t even aware of until later on but how he was doing and able to restrain himself so little makes you wondering; we’re you something he couldn’t control around?
“You’re so right for me. You are made for me Y/n and you don’t even realise it how perfect you are. Not a single werewolf can compare to you.”
He has usually great control around people however Jaehyun is struggling around you massively and it’s as if you were the bane of his patience and existence. It’s just that something within gets triggered just as much as you trigger it knowingly. Your bodies were one just as were your souls.
He groans close to your ear out into the thin air letting the heavy smoke his body was produce to fill the room just as much as your loud moans were a fruitful to touch and to hear loud like a large echo in a hollow empty cave covering by darkness and nothing else but Jaehyun’s heat to overtake you. They were a melody to him and only him he could hear. The way his hands pinning you down on the couch never once loosen up and let you go they kept on stern contact as he kept pounding deep in you.
And a sudden painful surge runs through your shoulder where Jaehyun bit down on it with the remaining fangs that are out.
You choke out your gasps. “Fuck…! You’re biting so hard…” It felt awfully weird. It was a quick pain reaction but the more time it goes on your body starts adjusting to it. You were beginning to get addicted to it and like the feeling.
He gnawed forward putting his hands on your stomach holding it as he admires how flat it was and how small it was too. So many dirty thoughts were coming in to his brain just seeing how you sucked it in to inhale out and swallow the moan. He groans out arching deep inside you. He was at his limit you could tell.
“You’re so… small… fragile and dainty I keep guessing if I’m so rough with you i might break you in half. My lord…” his fingers push down on your abdomen where your orgasm was itching to let go. “I want to have you full of my children inside you. What do you say? Want to carry my babies around you? Do you want to be the mother of my kids?”
He trails forward as you were shocked by such words leaving his mouth it didn’t surprise one but now that he was so lost inside to the pleasure he was blabbering nonsense.
“You’d make a great mother I know you would.” Jaehyun pleads humming close to your chest burying his face into it where the little bit of blood draws out from the bite earlier.
You bite your bottom lip hissing out. “If it makes you happy my Alpha.”
Just one word and it made him feral he swore you knew what you were doing with your little playful smile knowing after what you had said would do the trick of making him go absolutely berserk on you and it did because the next minute he was filling you up full stuffing you that could be the biggest load you ever taken in. Jaehyun gave you such a long round but you wondered what that large amount of his warm fluids entering you he stayed inside taking the time.
He looks down at you with beads of sweat on his forehead and dangerous piercing eyes. “Call me that again.”
You stare at him innocently. “Alpha.” You repeated and you saw a flash of his eyes glowing yellow again. He leans down capturing a heavy kiss with you leaving your mouths to be swollen and hurt. The kiss was hard and fiery passionate.
When Jaehyun pulled away his voice went from little strings ghosting over your mouth with his eyes dimly closed but enough to see out of the fluttering long eyelashes.
He spoke like he was an addict. An addict on something called you.
“I like the taste of your lips on mine.”
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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank youu!! Reblog and follow me from more it helps a girl out <3
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hugs2doie · 7 months
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could u do jaehyun or doie as ur bf texts 🙈🙈 UR TEXT AUS R SO CUTEE RAGHH 🫶🫶
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random jaehyun bf texts
THANK U BAEEE
i did jawhyun sincw ive done like 2 doie bf texrs posts :3
HOPW U LINE THISS
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ncityprincess · 11 months
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how jaehyun would be as a boyfriend
minors do not interact!
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-ok so we know he’s a hopeless romantic
-he couldn’t hide it even if he wanted to
-he’s pretty traditional in the sense that he believes in chivalry and all that
-so you would never pay for ANYTHING
-like it would be nothing for him to take care of everything financially
-he just wants you to live a nice comfortable life and be the princess you are
-and he probably wouldn’t use a ton of bad words around you like “fuck” and “shit” or any crude language
-unless it was in a sexual context
-he has too much respect for you
-(but if you curse like a sailor he wouldn’t care at all)
-he also wouldn’t be the type to brag to people about what y’all do in the bedroom
-he believes in cherishing and protecting what you guys have together
-he has a calm personality so he would bring grounding to the relationship
-but when he’s just with you?
-he lets out his FULL goofball side
-that dorky side that he only shows once in a while to others would be a constant thing with you two
-you would have so many inside jokes and funny memories together
-he would definitely be the type to laugh in the middle of an argument if you messed up a word or something
-very easygoing and doesn’t like unnecessary conflict
-as an Aquarius™️ he would definitely need some space to be by himself sometimes
-so he would give that same respect to you in return
-in fact he would probably seek out someone who is more on the introspective side like him so that it’s easier to understand
-he would encourage you to hang out with your friends and family whenever you wanted/needed to
-not the type to get jealous unless someone was undoubtedly coming on to you
-then he would tense up a little bit and maybe wrap his arm around your waist or run his hand up and down your thigh to show that you’re taken
-speaking of physical touch
-this is definitely one of his main love languages
-he would constantly be touching you
-whether he realizes he’s doing it or not
-he does it so much that you don’t even feel it sometimes
-likes to hold your hand and give it kisses ☹️
-he just loves to touch and caress you
-he would also really cherish quality time
-he would want a partner that he could talk to about any and everything
-3 am pillow talk conversations
-parked car convos at the beach
-spontaneous weekend getaways
-the dude believes in aliens so you know he has a bunch of cool shit he wants to talk about for hours
-wants a partner that’s equally as “weird” as him
-in other words, someone he can be 127% comfortable around
-you would be getting wined and dined A LOT
-and be prepared to be showered in gifts
-it’s what the love of his life deserves after all
-he would also love sharing intimate moments with you and learning all of your darkest secrets
-he craves that one-on-one connection
-overall he’s a giant romantic and would literally do anything to make you happy
-and if you want to know how he would be in the bedroom
-click here 😉
ok that’s enough 🏃🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️
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ohmytyong · 5 months
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[00:21]
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PAIRING: boyfriend!jaehyun x female!reader
GENRE: fluff
WARNINGS: pet names, kissing
WC: 0,5k
A/N: this is proof that i'm the biggest hopeless romantic to ever exist
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
with the city night life spread ahead of you and under the clear starry night, you rested your elbows on the window frame of your apartment, looking down at the people waiting for the midnight bus that would take them home.
the crispy november breeze flew through your entire body, causing the little hairs on your arms to raise up and your jaw was now clenched. winter was slowly but steadily making its appearance and this made you hug yourself as a protective reaction to its presence.
the cold sensation did not last long, however, as you felt a piece of fabric wrapping around your shoulders and the heat of another body radiating behind you.
you turned your head to meet eyes with your boyfriend jaehyun, his arms on either side of you, hands resting on the window pane. you smiled at him and he leaned his head downwards, reaching for the side of your neck to leave a set of soft wet kisses on the cold surface of you skin.
"you looked cold, so I brought you my jacket" his voice smooth and warm sounded like a mumble between each kiss. you touched the top of his both hands and squeezed them dearly. "thank you, handsome" you said, placing a kiss on his cheek.
jaehyun detached his lips from your neck, only to rest his chin in the crook between your neck and shoulder, moving his hands around your waist so as to hold you tighter and closer to his body.
you tried to turn your head to the side, so much so that you could study his expression. his chiseled features, moon-kissed and casted with a veil of calmness, faced the outside world in front of him, the lights of the city street reflecting on the irises of his bright eyes.
jaehyun felt your stare on him and fixed his gaze towards you, smiling with a smirk. "what are you looking at, love?" he asked with a low voice that hinted a teasing tone.
"nothing" you muttered with a bright smile spread across your face.
jaehyun chuckled and brushed his lips against your cool cheek in an attempt to plant a kiss, then turned his head to the front and averted his gaze to the busy nightlife.
the two of you sat there looking at the city lights and trying to listen to people's conversations, but the distance was too long and you could only recognize a few words here and there by the people who spoke more loudly.
the sound of the bus wheels creaking on the road was heard and everyone stepped inside the old vehicle to go home. and as you stood there and looked at them, you smiled at yourself because you already knew that, at that exact moment, right between the arms of the man you most loved, you were, in fact, home.
* .♡ *:・゚✧ ⋆ ࣪.* ࣪.⋆
TAGS: @peachjaem00 @hyuckieslove @bbyyhyuck @vdollys @positionslab @matchahyuck @renjun-fairy @back2jisung @doieslefttoe @uwuheeseungie @thoughtfulqueenlady @markleefuckme
join the taglist here !!
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lucyandthepen · 2 months
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last young renegade | jjh
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summary: your valentine’s day plans with jaehyun may have gone down the drain just a little. (okay — a lot.)
pairing: jaehyun x reader verse: canon, idol!verse rating: t warnings&tags: reader & jaehyun are in an established relationship, quite frankly there is nothing too out of the ordinary in this fic which is a shocker, it’s a rewritten fic so pls excuse any errors I may not have caught! word count: 5.02k
a/n: happy 2024 friends and family !!!!!! and advanced happy birthday to the man who created valentine’s day, he who is perhaps my first love in nct, jaehyun! this is actually just a fic I’ve been hoping to re-write a bit from before, and since it’s valentine’s themed, what better time to post it!! Enjoy enjoy, and may this year bring more fun, laughs, love (and debauchery) to this blog!
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Yᴏᴜ sᴀɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sɪᴄᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏғ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, ɴɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀʏ.
♡ jaehyunnie ♡ I know I said birthday dinner but practice is running so late ㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie ♡ Can we meet after? I’m sorry ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ How about I call you when we’re done? Maybe 11:30?
At times like this, you often wonder if it’s all worth it.  
You know thinking that way is counterproductive, not to mention a little unfair. You knew exactly what to expect, getting into an under-wraps relationship with an idol, and so far, it’s lived up to most of your assumptions, and then some. It doesn’t help that Jaehyun, even just by name, tends to attract an unbelievable amount of attention. You know you can’t blame him; it’s not like he wants to be high on the radar every time, either. For some reason, though, you seem to be looking for something or someone to blame, which you also know is a dead end. You have no one to pin the blame onto apart from yourself by frequently generating doubts that keep your mind running around in circles.  
It’s not even the sneaking around that gets tiring; it’s the waiting — waiting on calls, waiting on free time, waiting on a good opportunity to do something that doesn’t involve him suddenly getting pulled out to attend to one of many of his celebrity responsibilities. Over the last few years that you’ve dated, NCT has only ever gotten more popular; with that popularity came the fact that the public eye was trained on them, focusing on every microscopic detail of their lives. Jaehyun hates that more than anything, which is why he’s given up on trying to avoid it by practically escaping it altogether, locking himself up in the dorm with you when he has his precious few days off. 
While it’s true that you definitely don’t miss having to play espionage when going out for a cup of coffee with him, you’ve also managed to memorize every single inch of Jaehyun’s room, which isn’t good for your mentality, you’re pretty sure. You have to keep reminding him to open the window whenever the both of you are in there, because all you do is stay in and watch English movies without subtitles to see who can understand the most without asking questions (obviously, he always wins) while eating food he runs up and down the stairs to get every other hour. And while him trying to imitate the British accents on these shows is genuinely funny, you’re starting to suspect even he’s starting to get tired of watching Harry Potter over and over again. Twenty hours sounds like a long time unless you spend every twenty-hour period you have together marathoning the exact same films. Much to both of your disappointment, your suggestion to watch it totally out of order did not make it cooler.
Still, you suppose it’s not all bad. Jaehyun also taught you how to play Fortnite on a couple of his days off back to back, and while you hadn’t been as good a player as you both had hoped, he’d still patiently waited for you every time you got lost on the map. He’d even given you his account’s password with the sentiment that this was him ‘taking things to the next level with you,’ and you get to log into his account and play whenever you want; he doesn’t even get mad when you’ve wasted all the stuff he’s farmed on your subpar gaming skills. And, well, the bigger picture was that you loved him. Based on how much effort he put into the relationship, plus the bonus of his trust in you when it came to his Fortnite account, you could at least be confident in that he returned the sentiment.  
Except, sometimes, you still wonder if it would be easier for the both of you if he flew solo and didn’t have a girlfriend that tanked all of his player’s ammo and health kits and generally made a fool out of his cute little avatar while he was out breaking his back onstage.  
You aren’t sure if Jaehyun’s been noticing the turmoil in you; you’re not that good at hiding how you feel, anyway, but if he has, he hasn’t said anything thus far. You do observe how much more he texts you when he has free time, which makes you feel doubly bad, because you know that he’s spending precious minutes he could be resting with on talking to you instead, which isn’t the best trade-off for someone who’s constantly busy — and thereby constantly tired — like him.  
♡ jaehyunnie♡ ___________ I’m going to practice again, okay? Wait for my call ㅠㅠ You I’ll wait for your call ♡ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ I love you ㅠㅠㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ You love me too — a lot, right? I’ll keep my phone now, but I’ll make sure to check that you said so. ㅋㅋㅋ You Right! ㅎ I love you a lot! ♡
When the clock hits 12:01, and your phone is silent, your mind starts working on overtime again. It’s only when the special ringtone you’ve set for him comes to life at half-past midnight that you break your train of thought and put on your socks so you can meet Jaehyun at your front door.  
You’ve made a rule — sort of like a deal — between the two of you that apologies aren’t necessary when work holds you up. You’ve cashed in on that deal a couple of times, but you’re both aware that it’s more for Jaehyun’s sake than anything else, and he keeps to his word on that much when you open the door and duck into his car. All he does is smile at you, and you smile back, and for the rest of the car ride, everything seems okay.  
He always asks you about your day — unfailingly, at any chance he can. It’s never an off-handed question, either; Jaehyun takes great pride in his memory, and the sweetest thing about him is that he’s dedicated a good deal of it to knowing almost everything about you. Right now is no different. He asks you about your team manager, what you had for lunch; he grills you on if you took your vitamins today and if you got to break in the new shoes you bought online — the ones you’d been pining over for the last three months. He even asks you about the guy from the neighboring department who keeps asking you out for after-work drinks.  
“He wanted to go to Hongdae tonight,” you tell him as he slows for a red light. “There’s some new pub of his friend’s doing a soft opening there tonight.”  
“You could have gone.” He keeps his eyes on the road. “I wouldn’t have minded.”  
“I didn’t want to.”
“Good.” He glances at you, a grin slowly spreading on his lips. “Because I lied. I might have minded a little. Or, you know, a lot.”  
“Don’t tell me after all these years, you’ve turned into the kind of boyfriend that doesn’t let his girlfriend go out without him.”
“That’s impossible for me, and you know that,” he chuckles. “You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Just not with that guy from the other department.”
“Don’t worry.” You tinker with the little charm dangling on your phone — half of a flat, metal heart dangling from a gold chain that Jaehyun had given you two years back on your birthday. He keeps the other half, but since he can’t freely attach it to any of his belongings, he keeps it wedged between the back of his phone and its case. You like watching him change the backing because he does it so carefully, like he’s worried the other half of the heart is going to break if he rips off the case willy nilly. “I told him my boyfriend and I were going out on a date tonight, so he backed off. Although he did wonder why I keep talking about a boyfriend he’s never seen.”
“And? What did you say?”
“I said it was none of his damn business.”  
Jaehyun laughs loudly, and you go along with him, but you don’t miss how tired he looks when he sobers down, the green light illuminating all the shadows on his face as he steps on the gas again.
Nothing good is open this late at night — that is, nothing you haven’t seen before. You hadn’t even expected to go out at all, but since it was the day before Valentine’s Day as well as his birthday (or it would have been, if you hadn’t waited until midnight), Jaehyun had wanted to do something special without having to run into a huge crowd of couples on the day itself. Your only option is this from-out-of-town carnival that’s set up in tents and even has a medium-sized ferris wheel by the edge of the metal barricade. The parking lot is practically empty when Jaehyun pulls into a slot; you joke that he should break one rule and park in two slots, which he smugly replies to by saying he couldn’t park badly even if he tried.  
He tucks your hair back behind your ears as he loops the strings of a face mask around them, using another one for himself. Between that and the brim of his cap, you can barely see his eyes. The only knowledge that you have that you’re walking next to the man you love is that he takes your hand in his, slender fingers finding their way between yours.  
The carnival is half-closed when you get to the middle of it; there are still a few stragglers, but half the kiosks have their lights off already. There’s a woman dressed in flashy clothes standing on a patch of dead grass a few feet away, and she’s holding a hoop that a ginger cat is jumping through. Jaehyun steers you to them, and you stand there for a good five minute watching the cat roll on the ground and stand on its hind legs, but you can tell it’s been going it at for most of the day because at one point, it just ignores the lady, opting to weave its way between Jaehyun’s and your legs instead. You do have a pretty good time when he picks it up and cradles it in his arms so you can pet it for a second, but it just hisses when its owner approaches and jumps out of his hold, disappearing behind a row of trash bins.  
Jaehyun doesn’t have anything in his wallet apart from his credit cards and 50,000 won, and the coin machine operator says he only has enough coins left to break down 5,000 won for the games, so you end up having to jog back to his car so you can fish out some coins from inside his glove compartment. You come up with a grand total of 1,500 won, and you have to sheepishly go back to the coin machine operator to change four 100 coins and a couple of 50s just to get the last 500. Jaehyun tells you to hold onto the three coins so he doesn’t run off with them entirely and leave you destitute.  
You learn you can only do three things at most — you dedicate 500 won for the Ferris wheel entry tickets, which leaves you with 500 won each. The both of you agree on choosing one kiosk to play in, and with only about five left that are open, you don’t really have that many options. You end up dragging Jaehyun over to a stall with a pond filled with those magnetic toy fish, but 500 won only gets you one fishing rod. Since it’s your choice, Jaehyun lets you play, but you feel kind of stupid doing it on your own with him just watching you. In the end, he decides to stand behind you, his arms around your waist like he thinks closer contact isn’t even more distracting. You do manage to fish out 10 fish and win a small bear on a keychain. It doesn’t even pass through your hands as Jaehyun takes it from the stall operator immediately. 
“That’s mine!” You whine, reaching out in vain to take it from him; he just holds it high over his head. His eyes are twinkling under the shadow his cap casts over his face. “I worked hard for that.”  
“Let me keep this one,” he mimics the pleading lilt in your voice. “I’ll put it on my bag.”
“You know you can’t! Give it back.”
“I’ll win you a bigger one,” he promises. “Let me keep this one. It’s cute. It reminds me of you. I’ll kiss it goodnight before I sleep.” He starts to laugh softly. “And then you’ll feel this weird spirit kissing you at like two in the morning, and you’ll know it’s me.”  
Your arms aren’t long enough to retrieve it, and you don’t really want to, so you settle with twisting his ear. He takes it in stride even if he over-acts, making pained noises while leading you to the kiosk he wants to go to. It’s a shooting range stall, and he pays his own precious 500 won for a dart gun. He’s barely paying attention when the guy starts explaining how many points are assigned to each balloon color, more concerned with talking to the bear keychain in his hand and pretending like he’s cooing at you. You have to hit him across the shoulder to get him to focus.  
“You need to start picking out what prize you want,” he tells you — the actual you, not the animal keychain version — as he lifts the dart gun.  
“I’ll wait for you to finish first.”  
“No way.” He tilts his head, closing one eye to steady his line of sight. “Pick already. Or just go for the biggest one.”
“You know that Fortnite and dart guns aren’t the same thing, right?”  
“Yeah, but I’m well-motivated.” He grins at you, one eye still shut. He looks like a baby pirate. “Go ahead. Pick the biggest one.”
“Why don’t you just shoot, and we’ll see.”  
“Pick it,” he insists. “Tell me you have faith in me. Tell me you love me.”
“Okay, I love you,” you agree. “But I have no faith in you when it comes to this.”  
“One out of two is fine,” he concedes, taking aim.  
All three of you, including the stall operator, let out a disappointed groan when he misses his first shot. His comes with a sheepish laugh as he reloads, suddenly telling you to pick the second biggest prize instead. You can’t even watch him miss over and over, so you pretend to be interested in a bunch of teenage boys playing a game of cups one stall over, trying not to giggle when you hear him get increasingly more frustrated at himself. When you turn back around, you notice he’s holding two small pieces of gummy candy, offering one to you like a kindergartener. He helps you tug your face mask down so you can eat it.  
There’s a food stall nearby that, thankfully, accepts credit and debit; Jaehyun fishes out his card to get you a corndog — only one because he’s watching his weight for the upcoming concert, apparently. This is information you hate hearing but have no say in, and he knows this; you know he does because he says ‘don’t worry about me’ totally out of the blue, like five minutes after the conversation ceases to be relevant.  
His phone starts ringing when the food comes out, and he takes a tiny bite of it — more bread than hotdog — before he answers. You know it’s Taeyong by the way he answers.  
“Hyung, sorry — can we talk later? I’m out with ____________.”  
Taeyong says something loud but indiscernible on the other end. You piece together that it’s about tomorrow’s schedule when Jaehyun speaks again.
“I know. I’ll be home in a bit; don’t worry about it. I haven’t forgotten.”  
There’s more garbled speech on the other line; Jaehyun gestures for you to keep eating, and you do, but you more concerned with the morphing expressions on his face than you are with the act of chewing. He’s making noncommittal noises in response to what seem to be commands and reminders. You’re pretty much done with the corndog by the time he says ‘Okay, hyung. Hyung — I’ll see you later, okay?’
“Taeyong hyung says hi,” he tells you once he’s hung up the phone. “He says you still need to give back that book you borrowed from him last year.”  
“Oh yeah,” you finish off the last of the food. “I’ll drop it off within the week.”  
“Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t actually mean it.”  
Jaehyun watches you snap the stick in half and toss it in the trash bag.  
“We can go home,” you say finally. His eyebrows shoot up. “You’re busy tomorrow. I forgot.”
“I didn’t forget, and it’s fine.”  
“It’s almost two in the morning.” You check your phone to verify. “You probably have to be up in a few hours. You need to sleep, or you’ll die, Jaehyun. I’m too young to be a grieving widow.”
“Let’s at least ride the Ferris wheel,” he suggests. Before you can protest, he tugs you towards the rickety contraption, digging the 500 won out of your pocket and handing it to the bemused operator. He lets you choose what carriage you want because literally no one is on it anymore, and Jaehyun asks for the best carriage. You’re not sure how it differs from the rest, but he makes a show out of guiding you into it, and you don’t miss the corny ‘my lady,’ he mutters under his breath.   
It’s small, clearly meant for either a tiny group of children or couples who want to be as close together as possible. It’s also not air-conditioned, and only one of the windows is open, so you end up sticking to Jaehyun’s arm on the way up. The view is still great, though, and you feel his hand settle on your knee as the carriage makes it slow ascent.  
The ride up is quiet, and you press your face as close to the glass of the carriage as you dare, but Jaehyun doesn’t move an inch. His hand is still heavy on your thigh, but it doesn’t do anything but lay there. When you’re close to the top, you’re hit with the urge to do something romantic — kiss, maybe, tell him happy birthday, or say ‘I love you’ to him in the most sickening way possible — but when you turn to look at him, you have to hold your tongue.
Jaehyun is asleep, leaning against the corner of the carriage, head tilted down a little. His shoulders are rising and falling slowly, and he’s pulled down his face mask a little so he can breathe better; his lips are slightly parted by the slackening of his jaw. His left hand is shoved in his pocket, like he’d passed out halfway through reaching for something in there.  
He doesn’t wake even when you move slightly so you can lean back next to him, rocking the carriage a little — not even when you reach up and adjust his head so he can rest on your shoulder. He breathes deeply, evenly, and you wonder if his ear against your shoulder allows him to hear your heart plummet unfairly to the bottom of your stomach.  
You have to shake him to rouse him when the ride comes to an end; when he opens his eyes and realizes what happened, he looks mortified. Instinctively, he opens his mouth, but you fling the carriage door open and step out before he can apologize.
You have a deal, and he knows what he shouldn’t be doing.
His grip on your hand is much tighter as you walk back to the parking lot, and he doesn’t let go, even on the road. The trip back is quieter, maybe because it’s late, or maybe because there are a ton of things the both of you want to say but can’t.  
He slows down when he gets to your street, but when he stops in front of your building, he doesn’t immediately unlock the doors to let you out. Instead, he turns to you, licking his lips a little nervously.
“Can you…” he clears his throat because his voice cracks a little on the first attempt. “Can you come back with me? To the dorm?”  
“I have work tomorrow, Jaehyun.”  
“It’s still at eleven, isn’t it? I can bring you home before that. You still have some stuff in my room. You can get ready there.”
“Won’t you be too busy?”  
“Just—” he sighs softly. “Can you? Please?”  
You don’t know how to say no to Jaehyun, and tonight isn’t a night you’re willing to try. It’s why fifteen minutes later, you’re walking through the front door of his dorm. Donghyuck, sitting at his computer in his room with the door ajar, greets you sleepily as you pass by.  
Jaehyun steps in the shower with you; you don’t talk, maybe because you’re worried you might wake the others up if you start a full-blown conversation in a bathroom surrounded by other bedrooms. He just passes you what you need, and you do the same for him, and somewhere in between, he kisses you under the spray of the water.  
Later, he falls asleep with a face mask on, and you have to peel it off for him and toss it into the trash. The tip of his nose is shiny, and you want to kiss it, but you know it’ll wake him, and you noticed he’d set his alarm to go off two hours from now. He’s set out a couple of earplugs for you so that you don’t hear it, but you don’t put them in. You want to see him before he leaves, even if it’s in the deadest hours of morning, so you just crawl into bed with him. A minute before you doze off, you feel his damp skin press against your neck, his form curled up against your back.  
The alarm never wakes you; the sun is out when you open your eyes, and when you check your phone, you see that it’s already half-past nine. You also notice that there’s nothing from Jaehyun on your screen, but you try not to dwell on that, considering that you’d been expecting to wake up to an empty bed. His side of the mattress is cold, which means that he’s been gone for some time.  
You don’t know if it’s just because you’re groggy, but your insides still feel like lead when you sit up. The part of you that nags about this relationship is back at full force when you start thinking about Jaehyun going to a pre-recording two hours after spending the last of his energy on you. You start wondering if you’re doing the right thing if it feels like you’re just dragging him down. Your heart clenches tightly when the worst thought hits — maybe, just maybe, he’s tired of you, too.
But you won’t let him go. More to the point — you can’t. He’s the best part of your life; it’d be a cold day in hell if you decided to leave him.
Even the thought of it makes you feel like dying.  
Then again, this isn’t all up to you.  
You’re rubbing the sleep out of your eyes — and maybe a couple of frustrated tears — when the door creaks open. You see two mugs and his hands before you see the rest of him come through the doorway. Jaehyun whispers a careful good morning as he sets the coffee down on his table, making sure to push his keyboard away to avoid accidents, before sitting down next to you. You notice that there’s an envelope next to one of the mugs; the flap is slightly open, and from under it, a flash of red peeks out.  
His hand finds its way back to your knee — it’s his favorite resting place, he’s told you once. Your lap feels like home, he’d joked. Maybe he touches it every so often because it’s like a reset button for him.  
He doesn’t ask if you slept well, or if you want to get ready before having your coffee, or if you’re okay. He just squeezes your knee a little tighter. It’s you that has to start the conversation this time.
“How did it go?”
“It went great. You’ll see it on TV later tonight,” he starts rubbing your thigh idly. “You’ll watch it later, right?”  
“Of course. I’ll call you and tell you how cool you look.”  
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. When you lapse into silence again, it’s because you’re expecting him to say something, but he doesn’t come out with it directly. You try not to let it show that you’re worried, that you’re skeptical, that you’re wondering if he thinks he’s too tired, too busy for this, too.  
You’re expecting him to start how most break-ups start. You know I love you, right? And then the telltale but… would come, and you would have to hold back your tears and smile for him, and tell him you know, and that you understand it isn’t the right time, but maybe one day, someday, when he isn’t everyone’s Jung Jaehyun anymore — only yours.  
“You love me, right?”  
It’s not what you’d been expecting. Nor is it the playful little text he’d sent — no laughs, no jokes. His expression is somber, mouth pressed into a thin line.  
“You know I do.”
“A lot, right?”
“A lot,” you confirm softly.  
“Then whatever it is that you’re thinking about us,” he says quietly. “Don’t. Don’t think it. Don’t do it.”  
“Jaehyun—”
“I know it’s hard,” his fingers dig into your skin a little. “I know I put you through a lot. I know you think that I’m suffering because of this relationship too. I know everything. But whatever you think I’m going to do, I won’t do it — not ever. So if you’re thinking of it too, I’m begging you. Don’t. Please.”  
Maybe he had noticed all this time. A wave of guilt washes over you when you see the pained look on his face; perhaps you were even more transparent than you’d originally thought. You nod slowly to show your understanding, and he continues.  
“I know yesterday wasn’t the best you could have hoped for,” he carefully avoids apologizing, although it’s written all over his features. “For me, too. I… I wanted something different. It’ll be better next time. Do you believe me?”  
You hear him swallow — his nails are biting into your thigh a little, so you have to gently peel his hand off. Your fingers replace it, tightening around his palm as you nod.
“I believe you.”  
“And you trust me, right?”
“With my life.”  
“Then can you put your faith in me right now?” He asks. “Don’t panic. Just — just say yes.”
He pats around his pants, finally deciding to slip his hand into his left-hand pocket. Unlike on the Ferris wheel, he manages to extract something, but he keeps it closed in his fist. It’s shaking a little as he takes your hand in his other one, pressing something small and hard into your palm before he curls your fingers over it. His hold keeps your fist closed as he starts talking.
“It’s not immediate. We’ll figure it out. We’ll tell the right people, and they’ll help us tell everyone else — the public, the press. It doesn’t have to happen right now, or any time soon either— not if you don’t want it to. We can take it slow, or whatever. Anything you want — just as long as it’s with me.”  
“Jaehyun,” you shake your head, a little dizzy. “What are you talking about?”  
He slowly loosens his hold on your fingers, his hand dropping to the same spot on your knee. You’re free to open your fist, and when you do, you can’t help but feel a little stumped.
“I don’t mean now,” he repeats, now sounding doubly worried. “It’s not — It’s just…”  
“You’ll get in trouble. We can’t.”
“I won’t. Not if we do this right. Like I said, we can do it slowly. Months — years, however long it takes to do it well. What it is — it’s just… a promise.”  
“A promise,” you echo. It does have a nice ring to it.  
“That I’m not leaving you. Not ever. And… if you say yes, that you won’t either.”  
Your coffee has probably turned cold. Jaehyun is watching you carefully, looking like he’s trying hard not to bite his lip. You look back down at your hand, and he speaks up again.  
“You know I love you, right?”  
You smile slightly. “No but?”  
“No but,” he agrees.  
The ring fits nicely on your finger; maybe it’s well-measured from the amount of times he’s held your hand tightly in his.  
“Okay, Jaehyun,” you whisper. “I promise.”  
When you place your hand on his, he twists his palm, slender fingers gently twirling the ring around the base of your finger.  
Minutes later, he hands you your coffee. It’s sweet and milky, the way he knows you like it best. When he settles back down on the bed, you notice his eyes travel to your finger again, a small smile playing on his lips.  
Perhaps, in this moment, you finally learn to ask the right questions — not about if it’s worth it, but if he is.  
And in this moment, where he sits in silence with you, the sunlight pouring in from his window hitting the tips of his hair and the end of his nose, with the knowledge that his heart is as full as yours, you come to realize that there can — and never will be — any doubt of that.  
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prodbymaui · 1 year
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No Distraction
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I could be temptation, you could be my sin
The absolute epitome of fictional characters with broad shoulders, rock hard six-pack abs and a face so handsome you wouldn't get tired of staring at it, was your one and only boyfriend, Jung Jaehyun. It has been days since you've last got touched by him and craving wouldn't be the word to describe it. It's a desperation.
Looking at Jaehyun who's busy typing away on his laptop as his eyes goes back and forth from the papers and the gadget, you could feel yourself getting wet as seconds passed by. That pillowy natural red lips, the piercings and the glasses that you fucking love on him so much. Jaehyun looks like a fuckboy and nerd combined, but you both know how much he's a simp for you and would kiss the ground you've walked on.
Sighing for nth time, you pouted at your boyfriend even though he can't see you, ''Baby? Aren't you at least gonna take a break from that?'' Jaehyun hadn't stopped writing since he sat, only standing up to get food or take the bathroom.
You only received a shake of his head and nothing, just that. Ugh, you swore you felt like crying by the lack of attention. Deciding that enough was enough, you finally got on your feet before making your way to your busy busy man.
He paid no attention as you straddled his hips, wrapping your hands around him and burying your face on the crook of his neck, inhaling the manly scent. You made your move to press your crotch to his clothed dick, causing to bit your lips. It's not even hard yet it felt big.
Your hands travelled down to his chest, down to his abs until it reached just above the waistline of his pants, earning a warning from him. ''Not now, wait 'til I finish this,'' The deep voice vibrated against your skin, a hand of him grabbed your thigh, squeezing it lightly.
''I won't distract you! I'm not gonna move, I just really really want you inside, please,'' You whined, rolling your hips towards him, desperate to feel him even if the clothes were on your way. Diverting your eyes at him, you plead him with puppy eyes, accompanied by a sad pout.
Sighing, Jaehyun finally made a decision, not being able to say no to you, ''Fine, you're not gonna move. I'll fuck you good later if you keep your promise.'' Nodding quickly, you beamed in glee, smile showing on your face widely as you took off your panties under your- Jaehyun's -oversized shirt and pulled his pants down enough to release the length that made you drool.
Slowly, you positioned him at your entrance and sinked in, gasping when you felt your walls got stretched so good. Once Jaehyun was all in inside of you, snug and fit as if you two were made for each other, you gripped a handful of Jaehyun's shirt and closed your eyes, trying to prevent your hips from grinding down.
Your boyfriend tried not to pay attention to you, wanting to finish his paperworks as its deadline was tomorrow but how can he when your gasps and clenching on his dick were all he could think about. Jaehyun closed his eyes shut as he felt another clench, followed by an 'oh my god' to his hear.
''B-babe,'' You shuffled on top of him, trying to find a position where his tip wouldn't poke your sweet spot so deliciously, wanting to abide your rules. But it only caused the both of you to moan by the stimulation from your action. ''I'm sorry, I just wanna-'' You squeaked, falling to Jaehyun's chest when you felt another brush of his tip inside of you. Hands shaking lightly as you controlled your breathing, setting your mind off of the blurring pressure of Jaehyun's shaft.
You clenched down on him unconsciously, earning a deep moan from Jaehyun, further causing your wetness to pour out. You felt Jaehyun moved something away in front of him before wrapping his hands around you, carrying you to make you sit on his table.
He didn't gave you any signal nor gesture, he just started to pull out until his tip and slammed back in with a grip on your thighs. ''Oh god!'' Your face scrunched up as you held on to the edge of the table. Jaehyun started picking up his pace, tugging the collar of your shirt down, revealing your breasts. He leaned down and sucked on them like a starved man, pinching and groping the other, just wanting to worship you breasts.
''Fuck, Jae, faster, please. I want it faster,'' You begged and begged until he cracked and discovered an animalistic pace, the table swaying violently, threatening to break any seconds from now. Jaehyun placed a hand on the wall for support, tilting your head up as he kissed you softly and full of love, so different from how he's thrusting inside you harshly and rearranging your guts.
''More, more!'' Demanding wasn't something you always were but sometimes, you can be one. Especially with times like these that you were deprived of his touch for days. And Jaehyun, as someone who would do anything for you, followed every beg you say.
He lifted up both of your feet to place on the table as well, creating an open and more space for him. Jaehyun spat on his hand before moving it down to your pussy, quickly attaching it to your clit as he created friction just enough to bring more pleasure to you.
You screamed, yelled and thrashed against his hold as you felt your climax getting nearer, eyes rolling at the back of your head before you finally bursted out with scream of Jaehyun's name. Painting his dick with your white cream as you held on to his shoulders due to overstimulation, waiting for him to finish and anticipating the beautiful view of him cumming for you.
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kiachiako · 1 year
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stars, moons, & other celestial bodies | j.jh
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pairing | jaehyun x female!reader
synopsis | With your fizzy drinks and vinyls in tow, you’re determined to make the most of your summer before the start of your first year at university. Everything’s seemingly perfect; humid afternoons with your closest friends, late-night mixers at your local alumnis' estates, and sleeping in to ungodly hours. What you didn’t predict, however, was your brother making the early trip home to surprise you with a certain someone — namely, his best friend since childhood — following closely behind. His unexpected appearance throws you off, and suddenly, your summer is filled to the brim with his presence. You’re finally able to taste the idea of mature love, but is it really all that it’s made out to be?
content | brother!taeyong, retro-themed au, angst, fluff, coming of age, language warning, suggestive, mentions and consumption of alcohol/drugs
wc | 26.7k
song | delicate — taylor swift
a/n | for @hyuckmov and @rrxnjun, who kept me sane while writing this monster :D
...
The first week of summer before your freshman year of university is defined by sticky ‘n sweet cherry cola, rides around the abandoned carousel with your friends, and “borrowing” quarters out of your brother’s Cadillac to insert into the jukebox of the local diner; break has been this way since as long as you could remember. It's a familiar itinerary, one that plays back routinely every school break.
You’ve grown up without even realizing, your teenage days spent juggling academic work and getting into stupid situations with Mark and Chaewon trickling down to a close. This conclusion really hit you during an epiphany on a sweltering night after high school graduation. 
It occurred in the midst of humid sepia air, the three of you still in your graduation caps and gowns as your bodies lay splayed across the asphalt leading down to your street. With the absence of cars coming down the wide road, it was perfectly rational to lay side by side in the middle of the cul-de-sac. The ground was simply the best place to ponder your thoughts and get lost in swirling memories now that university lay too close on the horizon; the sheer size of the sky seemed to mock your trio as you watched the clouds roll on by in their mismatched shapes and harrowing wisps. 
A cigar — one comically too big for his face — hung between Mark’s fingers as he pushed his body to flop over your arm, the thing no doubt “borrowed” from the bottom of his father’s office drawer.
“Thank the Lord I’ll never have to see you bitches again,” he had sighed in pretend relief, blowing a tunnel of smoke into the side of your face as you pushed his warm skin off of yours. Chaewon snorted from beside you.
“Please, as if you’ll last a day without us at uni,” she retorted, rolling over onto her stomach and pulling a face at Mark’s teasing words. “I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve saved your life over this past month alone.”
“Yeah?” Mark grinned, supporting his upper body with his forearms as he turned to look at her over your relaxed figure. “Enlighten me.” She subsequently raised her eyebrows at him.
“Might I remind you of the time you got stuck at the drive-through cinema at 2am because you had locked yourself out of your car? And guess whose asses had to haul yours back home two hours away,” Chaewon pointed an accusing finger at Mark, her tone joking as she glared at said boy. He opened his mouth to say something but she held up a finger to her mouth in a shushing motion, stopping him. “And. Let’s not forget last week,” Mark furrowed his eyebrows, as if trying to recall which out of all the dumb decisions he had made was about to be relived, “when Kang Yujin pushed up on you during that one house party, you got a hard on from just that, and we had to cover for you-”
Mark shot up abruptly, leaning over you to slap a hand over Chaewon’s mouth before rushing to defend himself.
“But she was so hot, Chae, you wouldn’t understand,” he whined at her, frowning at you to do something and sympathize with him. It was expected by now, the regular petty and half-assed arguments making your friendship that much stronger.
As they continued bickering back and forth, you couldn’t help but let your mind drift away back into the clouds, the setting sun soaking them with a blazing, burnt umber. You would be going to college soon, and that meant no Mark, no Chaewon, and no parents to keep you sane. It was strange to imagine not spending every waking moment with your two best friends, and even stranger to think that going to different schools would mean no more daily drama fill-ins and midnight convenience store runs.
But after all, you had done it once, and you hoped you could do it again.
When your older brother Taeyong left for university a few years ago, it had practically shattered you. Sure, you found him incredibly annoying at times (still do) and had a constant vendetta against the man, but when the moment came to hug him goodbye, you just couldn’t bring yourself to let go. He had shown you the ins and outs of adolescence and given you the attention you craved when your parents couldn’t. He taught you how to take care of yourself, how to look in the mirror and recognize your worth, how to know your own limits, and how to realize that high school boys weren’t shit. He was always the first to get to the hospital when you had gotten hurt at school, and most important of all, he was with you throughout the highs and lows growing up.
If Taeyong leaving home had taught you anything, it was that time moves too fast — and it’ll only move faster as you get older. You know that your life is about to enter Round 2, and this time without anyone to hold your hand as you enter an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people.
But it’s not over just yet.
Your best friends would never let that happen, and you recognize this now as your golden trio sits in your town’s local record shop, with ceiling fans whirring above you as the cool storefront protects you from the blazing summer heat.
It’s after-hours but the sun still burns bright into the late afternoon. You recline in the cashier chair as Chaewon flips the 'open' sign closed and makes her way back to you and Mark, the latter sitting against the wall with a variety of bottles surrounding him on the checkered floor. 
He’s in an odd position, and you just know his mother would flip if she saw him with this much alcohol on a wednesday afternoon (at least it’s not a Sunday after mass, but she definitely doesn’t need to know that he’s been there, done that already). Mark tests out new concoctions every week, using the record store as his work space; the owner’s never in town and barely any customers come in to buy records these days, so there’s no one to stop him. Chaewon raises her eyebrows as she eyes the newest addition to his special menu.
“I’m not even gonna ask,” you say as he swirls the amber liquid around in a clean whisky bottle. Mark whistles at his creation, impressed, before holding it up to you and shaking it tauntingly. It smells slightly floral, the sharp flavors of absinthe and cognac making your nose scrunch.
“You’re just mad that your mixes don’t hit as hard as mine, baby.” With another swirl, he lifts the drink up to his mouth to taste. “And because you so nicely asked,” Mark smirks at you, “it’s Peychaud’s Bitters, cognac, syrup, and anise, and I give you my permission to borrow the recipe to impress your future uni friends. You’re welcome.” You shove Mark’s shoulder with your palm as he laughs at your baffled expression, body shaking with amusement while he sips away at his newest pride. 
It’s only when Chaewon reaches over to steal the bottle away from him that your phone starts ringing, startling all three of you as the name of your older brother flashes across the screen. Mark looks at you inquisitively, but you just shrug in response and press the receive button.
“Tae?” you inquire, surprised at the sudden call. “Everything okay?”
He hums at the end of the line. 
“More than okay. Guess whose plans just changed and is actually coming home today for break,” he reveals right away, and you know he’s smiling by the way his tone of voice is lilted in true Taeyong fashion.
“No fucking way,” you breathe out, eyes widening. Taeyong’s back? “Today, right now? For the entire summer? You’re actually lying- wait wait I’m coming home right now. Wait. Wait for me.”
“‘Wait wait wait,’ I’m not going anywhere sis,” he grins as he mocks you, noises of shuffling sounding out over your phone speaker. “Mom’s gonna pick me up from the airport in 30, I think. See you then?”
“Lee Taeyong! How could you not tell me,” you frown into the receiver, “I need at least three business days to prepare before seeing your face.”
“Oh, shut up would you. I have literal voicemail receipts of you crying about how much you miss me,” Taeyong retorts, topping your sarcasm. 
You sigh, rubbing your temple when you realize that Taeyong’s never gonna let your sad-drunk voicemails go. “Fine, but you better spend every single day with me.”
Taeyong protests jokingly before giving in, promising you that he’ll make up for the time you’ve missed together. With a little, love you, and more of his usual unsolicited comments, the two of you say your quick goodbyes and you turn back to your waiting friends. 
“Damn, Taeyong’s really back?” Mark looks at you in awe, his eyes shining with admiration. “He never stays for long, that’s crazy. You gotta let me come over at least once,” he pleads, hands grabbing yours. You know that your best friend looks up to your brother a ton, so you nod at him. “Sick, imma finally be able to talk music with him.”
“Wait, if Taeyong’s coming home for the entire summer,” Chaewon pauses, a knowing smile growing on her face as you groan, knowing exactly what she’s about to say next, “that means a certain Jeong Jaehyun will probably be following him back as well. And likely other kids in their year too from SNU… holy shit, the parties are gonna be literally insane this summer.” She throws her head back in elation as the realization strikes the three of you at once.
“You’re so right,” Mark covers his mouth to hide the smug grin taking over his face. He makes a heart with his hands as he observes you. “I can’t believe that I forgot Miss Y/N over here had the biggest crush on Jaehyun in high school.” You hit him on the chest in response as he absolutely loses it over your misfortune. 
“Lovergirl,” he sing-songs, adding fuel to the fire while you shove your face into your palms. Your cheeks warm on their own when your mind flash-backs to your second year of high school, your insufferable crush on your brother’s best friend surfacing memories that you had buried after they both had graduated two years ago.
“I’m leaving,” you mumble into your hands, “all you two do is make me suffer.” 
Chaewon grins at you before pulling your figure into a tight hug, tugging Mark in too by his shirt to join your little group. 
“It’s out of love,” she giggles before kissing your cheek with an exaggerated muah. Turning slowly towards Mark, he lets out a, “nope nope nope,” before scrambling away from Chaewon’s outstretched arms.
Smiling at their antics, you collect your few belongings and tuck some new records under your arm before heading out of the shop. Saluting your friends goodbye and opening the front door, you cringe at the wave of heat that seeps into the cool space. 
“Say hi to Taeyong for me, Y/N! We’ll lock up for today,” Chaewon calls out from behind the counter, sending you an air kiss when you step out into your town’s center square.
The streets buzz with life as you make the quick walk back to your house. With a brilliant sunset soaking the streets in tangerine tones and a line of quaint shops’ wind chimes fluttering beside you, you can’t bring yourself to care about the heat. The alleys you stroll down are comfy, lined with the latest pastel DeLoreans and colorful paper garlands tied along their telephone lines. It’s a complete memory lane, and your comfy suburb — filled with traditional gaewa roofs and terracotta neutrals, clay-red stained roads and gated hanoks — hold a familiarity that no other could replace. It’s the more cramped side of town, and you might envy Taeyong’s thrilling city life that you see through his social media, but nothing will ever beat home.
Your lace camisole sticks to your skin with fervor as you finally get to your own address, letting out a sigh of relief when cool shade encompasses you in the juniper-tinted light of the mudroom. Setting your brand-new records onto the kitchen floor, their faded titles peeking over thin paper sheaths, you make yourself comfortable on the floor as you hum to yourself. The house is quiet.
You put one of the new records into your player before your gaze drifts over to a stack of pictures on the tabletop, filtered evenly between stray letters and tacky postcards that your older brother has always had a knack for. 
In addition to texting and calling home every month, Taeyong made it a habit a few years ago to send you the little magazine cut-outs and mini posters that he sees on his escapades, trinkets that remind him of you. Your little kitchen-counter-collection has thinned out in the past months as your brother got increasingly busier with school and his modeling jobs, barely coming home for a few days before rushing back for castings and elite functions. Nonetheless, a little orange package addressed to you would appear at your doorstep with each change of the seasons, tinged with your brother’s cologne and topped with his messy handwriting.
Just as you place the needle on a shiny black record with Missy Elliot’s face plastered across its front, you hear the front door creak open before noises of rolling luggage and playful shouting fill the house's interior. 
“Mom, I’m not ten anymore,” you hear Taeyong whine in the higher-pitched voice he reserves solely for family, the telltale sign of his embarrassment, “I can carry my backpack myself. Promise.”
You can imagine the scene before you even see it: your brother looking away to the window as he tries to fight the smile creeping on his face, your mother on her tip-toes as she musses with her son’s hair even though he’s a head taller, and of course, your father leaning against the door with a content grin as his watches his wife’s face light up with happiness that the family is together again.
When you hear their footsteps near your seated figure on the kitchen floor, you feel your brother’s presence before you even see him. 
Taeyong stops a few paces away from you, dropping his bag carelessly on the ground before standing with his arms outstretched and eyebrows raised. With his messy hair and airport clothes still hanging off his shoulders, your brother looks like a favorite uncle at holiday dinners when he hasn’t seen his favorite niece and nephew all year.
“Aren’t you gonna come say hi to your best friend before you abandon me for your vinyls again,” he teases before crossing the threshold in three steps and embracing you fully. “It’s been a while, hmm rockstar?” 
You hum at the familiar term of endearment, sinking into his figure as your brother rocks you back and forth. You look up at him, his face looking more mature and sharp than when you saw him last.
“You gotta catch me up on that crazy life of yours, yeah? We have all summer.”
Nodding contently, you follow your brother and parents into the dining room for dinner before settling back into the feeling of having four people at home again. Just like the old days, before Taeyong left, where your worries were limited and you allowed yourself to be childish.
If anything makes you glad you’re alive, it’s being able to wake up at 2pm in the afternoon on a Thursday and feeling you just gained ten years. It’s truly a blessing, and if you were a bit more religious, you’d be thanking God right now for no school and black-out curtains.
Quickly getting ready, you give one last glance at yourself in the mirror before rushing downstairs to see if anyone’s home still. To your surprise, you catch Taeyong right as he’s opening the door to the basement. 
“So she’s alive,” he calls out with an approving nod, surprised that you actually managed to wake up before the sun sets once again. You roll your eyes as you pull cereal in front of you on the kitchen table. The two of you are back to your old ways in a matter of hours, making fun of each other at every chance you get.
“It’s not my fault you don’t know how to enjoy life, Tae,” you shrug, grabbing leftovers from the fridge. He simply tsks at you before walking over to affectionately ruffle your hair, drawing a complaint from you about messing it up.
“Anyway, some of my old friends are coming over today to catch up. We’re probably gonna be downstairs for a while so just let them in the front when they come,” your brother relays, moving back towards the basement when you throw up an okay sign. He gives you a knowing look. “You’re always welcome to join, you know. They all love you.”
You crinkle your nose at the idea. Sure, you’re pretty familiar with most of Taeyong’s high school friends, but you really aren’t too keen on the idea of spending your afternoon with a bunch of older boys when you could be hanging out with Mark and Chaewon.
“I’m okay. You guys have fun, though.”
Resuming your attention on your food, you open the front door a couple times over the next hour for said boys. Their features chiseled, styles changed, and voices a bit deeper, they’re all caught by surprise when you open the door for them (Yuta’s inability to recognise you at all really takes the cake). You suppose that a lot can change in two years.
After the seventh ring of the doorbell, you sigh in exasperation before making your way to the front once again. You grumble under your breath before opening the door, the bitter expression wiping right off your face when you see the two figures in front of you.
“Johnny!”
“Y/N,” the familiar boy exclaims, his towering stature enveloping you in a warm hug before pulling back and examining your growth. “Look who’s all pretty and grown! You look so much like Taeyong now that it’s scary,” he beams at you while turning your face side to side with his hands, and you can’t help but return it. If anyone was as much of an older brother figure as your real one was, it would be Johnny. 
“Hey,” a voice sounds out besides him after a few moments of Johnny’s compliments, startling you, and your eyes finally flick over to the subject of your teenage years’ daydreams. Your heart floods with a jittery feeling when he reaches out to give you a hug. “It’s nice to see you again, Y/N.” 
Jeong Jaehyun hasn’t changed a bit since you last saw him at your brother’s graduation. 
His hair is a bit longer now, dark brown curls shimmering gold in the sunlight and his ears now adorned with more silver studs and rings. But the sun-kissed freckles dusting his nose, the deep-set dimples, the starry eyes — they’re exactly the same as you remember.
He’s still breathtaking.
Johnny bursts your little moment as he grabs your arm to lead you back into your house, pulling both you and Jaehyun along with him to the basement entrance. 
Even though you’re painfully aware of your fingers nervously playing with the bracelets on your wrist, it’s true that these boys practically watched you grow up. Even when you look at a certain brown-eyed boy, your whole world feels like it's stopping. Even when your stupid childhood crush on your brother’s best friend was supposed to be gone by now. You know them, and they know you.
After Johnny and Jaehyun disappear down the stairs with a small goodbye and the invitation to join them once again, you head back up to your own room, collapsing onto your bed and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered across your ceiling. 
You remember your brother and Jaehyun setting them up for you many years ago, their young figures using your bed as leverage to stick them on when you were still too short to reach. You had handed each star carefully to the boys, making sure the adhesive side was up before telling them where to place each one. They waited patiently for you to give them every star until the whole box was empty, the three of you high fiving before you had thanked them enthusiastically. Taeyong had simply pinched your cheek and said, “anything for my baby sister,” before pulling Jaehyun away to play another video game in the living room. 
Taeyong was a kind older brother, never complaining when your mother told him to bring you with him and his friends on their little adventures. Occasionally he found you annoying, but his friends never minded your presence, so he couldn’t find a reason to either. You were integrated into their daily outings, the boys taking turns talking and playing games with you as the days progressed.
You think your liking to Jaehyun started then: when your young mind easily confused admiration with puppy love. Your brother’s friends were the nicest boys you had met, certainly nicer than the boys in your class at school. Jaehyun specifically always made sure you were comfortable, making silly faces at you when your eyes met across the room and remembering to bring you snacks from across the street when he got some for his best friend. He was perfect in your eyes.
When you started hanging out more with your own friends as you got older, things never really changed regarding your feelings for the boy. Your secret crush was still as prominent as ever, eyes following his mess of hair whenever he passed you in the hallway at school; it didn’t help that his name was passed around no matter what year you were. Jaehyun this and Jaehyun that, you were definitely not the only girl whose heartbeat stopped whenever he looked their way. He was polite, confident, and undeniably charming, your school’s beloved basketball team captain and a favorite of teachers: the kind of boy everyone wanted to be out of envy, but couldn’t. He was truly untouchable. Your classmates would stare at you in awe when he waved at you through the classroom entrance, telling you how lucky you were that your brother and his group were so cool and how you had guys like Jaehyun over all the time. 
But it wasn’t like it was any different at home, where he would smile at you just the same as you worked on your homework in the kitchen before retreating back into the basement with Taeyong. 
Even though fifteen year-old you thought your feelings were pretty damn strong at that time, the age gap felt a bit too gaping where kids two years older felt worlds away. By seventeen, they were already off driving and taking weekend trips, your brother’s license making leeway for nights when he and his friends wouldn’t return until sunrise. It felt a little bit like you had been left behind, and yeah, it sucked, but you decided right then and there that you could have fun without them. Taeyong’s friends weren’t necessarily yours in the first place, and you came to the realization that it might have been strange for you to be so close with them at an older age anyway.
If you were sad about not seeing Jaehyun in particular too much anymore, you tried not to show it. Your best friends — Mark and Chaewon — had always known, teasing you relentlessly when the older boy was around, but the idea of him was only a lingering thought at the back of your mind when he graduated. Your ears still perked up hearing his name in passing, but you had your own problems to consume your thoughts and started getting into a new genre of trouble with your friends; the idea of Jaehyun was supposed to be dead and buried six feet under.
So then why was he plaguing your mind like this after years of successfully not thinking about him?
You groan and throw an arm over your face.
Shit.
“My little film-maker,” a voice pops up from above you, the grinning face of your brother accompanying it as he surprises you into oblivion. You make a face up at him and offer a reluctant little wave before returning back to your camcorder, zooming in on Chaewon beside you.
You’re on the asphalt outside your house again. The air’s cooler today, a gray sheet of clouds blocking any of the sun’s rays from reaching your golden trio. With your head on Mark’s legs, he strums his guitar gently as Chaewon hums along to the familiar tunes. Her hands are busy on their own, one arm out while her other uses markers to draw a garden into her skin with washed-out blues and oranges. 
You turn the camera around to point at Taeyong, the said boy poking his tongue out before plopping down beside Mark.
“I feel like I always find you guys on the ground,” he mutters, observing the way Mark strums his instrument with care and experience. Your friend looks a little intimidated with the proximity of Taeyong leaning towards him, but he plays on nevertheless.
You shrug. “It’s more comfortable.”
“And we’re a little closer to Hell down here,” Chaewon adds on with a grin, pausing from her flesh-art to look up at Taeyong. “We’ll all be heading there soon anyway.”
“Smart girl,” he laughs out, throwing his head back to stare into the sky. He stays there for a good moment before jumping back up onto his feet and twirling a shiny set of car keys around his fingers. “Anyway, I’m afraid I’ll have to steal Y/N for a bit,” your brother fakes a trail of tears down his cheek with his fist. “Don’t miss her too much.”
“Never,” Mark smirks at you, reaching out to pat your arm affectionately when you let out an offended, Oscar worthy sob at his words. 
“Don’t have more fun with him than you do with us, babe,” she calls out as Taeyong drags you off. You salute her back before she turns back to her painting.
Stumbling behind your brother to catch up with his long strides, your eyebrows raise when you catch sight of his infamous red Cadillac parked down the winding road. You grip on tighter to your camcorder before jogging up to the passenger side, ready to swing your legs over the side of the convertible. 
“Not so fast,” Taeyong calls out, amused, as he strolls up casually to the driver's side. “We’re picking up some of the guys and Johnny already called shotgun yesterday. Take it up with him, rockstar.”
You splutter indignantly before crossing to the backseat with a huff, sinking into the car’s tan, leather seats and crossing your arms. “Not fair, Tae,” you complain at him before he starts the engine, starting off in the direction of an area you’ve never been before. “Where are we even going?”
He doesn’t answer.
Soon enough, three more bodies crowd into your brother’s car after dropping by Jungwoo’s condo, the boy squishing into the back with you as Jaehyun of all people slides into the seat on the other side of you. They offer smiles and quick greetings to you before the car takes off once again. 
His proximity hits you far harder than Jungwoo’s, and you know exactly why. You keep your head tilted away from him as you try to focus on Johnny in the front seat, who’s passionately retelling an encounter he had at the supermarket this morning. It’s incredibly hard when Jaehyun moves and his thigh touches yours, fifteen year-old you coming back to life within you and screaming all sorts of insane things at your brain. You can physically feel his warmth radiating off his skin. 
“—so we both reach out at the same time, and luckily, I snatch the crate right before her hands do. But,” Johnny pauses to look through the rearview mirror for dramatic effect, his shades glinting as the Cadillac speeds through dusty roads. “You won’t believe who those hands belonged to.”
He stills with the skill of an A-list actor, reaching up to pluck the sunnies off his face and stare right into Jaehyun’s eyes through the silver glass.
“Lim Saemi.”
Everybody has a different reaction to the name-drop, with Jungwoo and Taeyong’s gasp and your muffled noise ringing out as your eyes widen in the slightest. You try to glance at Jaehyun subtly, and his face doesn’t flicker a bit from its usual stoic expression, but you can feel him tense up next to you before relaxing a few seconds later. He appears seemingly unphased, and if you had not been watching carefully from out of the corner of your eye you would have fallen for it.
You know better, though.
“Oh? Is she back home for the summer too?” Jaehyun throws out casually, tucking his chin in his hand as he looks out through the wind. 
“Wait Jae… you didn’t know? I thought if anyone would know first, it would be you,” Jungwoo leans back, surprised at this new development. “Even I knew, and everyone knows I don’t catch onto shit.”
“It’s whatever,” Jaehyun mumbles, deflecting the weird looks he receives. He ends the conversation with two words, and the car falls into silence with the only noises being those from tires against gravel. You glance at him before staring straight forward through the dash.
You know Lim Saemi.
Who doesn’t, in all honesty. Saemi is Saemi, and you’d be the weird one if you hadn’t heard her name at least once throughout your school years. She was like straight out of a Dior catalog. With as much impact as your older brother and his posse had left, she was everything all the girls in your year wanted to be: too pretty to be unnecessarily shallow, too smart to use her looks irrationally. 
You remember Lim Saemi.
She’s two years older, like Taeyong and Jaehyun and Johnny. She was the girl who was occasionally over at your house during parties when your brother would force you upstairs, her bleached hair and delicate features drawing in everyone immediately. You remember watching from the top of the stairwell as her figure still captured attention in the darkness of winter’s pitch black nights. From your outside point of view, it was like she was the center of a spindling web that stretched throughout the bottom floor of your house; people just couldn’t help but be lured to her.
You wanted to be Lim Saemi.
Just for one day. You needed to know what it felt like to be the center of a certain boy’s affections, even though she attracted every other person’s along the way as well. She was a different type of suburban it-girl, one that everyone was sure would get snatched up into the celebrity world sooner or later with the way she carried herself.
You knew that Jaehyun and Saemi had always been “just friends” — or at least that was what they told everyone — but you could tell he had liked her throughout their high school years. How could you not, especially when you looked at him the same way he looked at her. Back then, it was more curiosity about their complicated relationship than hate fueled jealousy for you. You still couldn’t help but imagine him treating you with the affection he did with her; even as a teenager, you understood why. And ironically, as you sit in the backseat of your brother’s car with the very boy right beside you, the bubbling feeling of envy is uncomfortable in your gut.
Shaking your head out of your retrospective thoughts, you look around in confusion when the convertible starts to slow on a thinning road, towering evergreens blocking the sky from view.
Leading the car through another winding path, it emerges on the other side within acres of grassy fields and wildflower paths that circles a grandiose, central estate home. Marble blocks stretch across its stone ledges like ivy — an intimidating facade if you’ve ever seen one. Taeyong looks at you through the rearview mirror. His eyes crease in pride when he sees the wonder in yours, enraptured by the sight before you. 
“Remember when Johnny said that he’d always wanted to go to a local car show?” your brother starts, grinning at his friend beside him. “Well, yours truly saw an ad at the record shop yesterday for one just outside of town. Someone compliment me, I feel like I just made all of our afternoons a thousand times better.”
“This is actually insane, Yong,” Jungwoo breathes out, eyes widening at the unfamiliar setting. 
Retro cars of all brands and models are parked across an acre, their shiny coats glinting in the sun as masses of people linger near and talk amongst themselves. The white pillars of whoever’s home is hosting the car show serves as a gathering place for lovers to mingle, precariously held champagne flutes an ironic contrast to the grit and dirt of the event itself.
Johnny lets out a low whistle before resting his weight on the center console and lowering his sunglasses, observing the scene. 
“This is exactly my type of place. Old, rich people and hot girls.” 
“Oh my god, Johnny,” you laugh out, not at all surprised that those words came from his mouth. 
You tear your gaze away from the outside view to look at Jaehyun after hearing his embarrassed groan at Johnny’s words. To your surprise, he’s already looking at you. With his piercing gaze on your face, you look away, flustered, playing it off with a small cough.
Taeyong parks his timeless Cadillac besides others of the same nature before leaving to roam around with Johnny and Jungwoo, buzzing with excitement. It’s no surprise that they make their way over to the group of girls huddled around a vintage truck model first, their giggles ringing out across the field as they throw sly glances to the boys headed their way. You catch sight of your brother leaning towards one in particular before deciding you’ve seen enough and turning to explore by yourself.
Thrilled to be left to your own devices, you follow your own little path off to the side towards a pastel-colored Corvette that had caught your eye earlier. Circling it for a few minutes and capturing it slowly through the lens of your camcorder, you smile happily to yourself while replaying the footage in the shade of a lonely willow tree. The cool breeze brings tangs of clementines and vanilla — from where, you don’t know — as well as the unmistakable scent of petrol and cigarettes as it picks up pieces of your hair before rustling the leaves of the willow.
“Can I see?” a familiar voice startles you. You look up to see Jaehyun’s lean figure making his way over to your crouched one, gesturing to your open camera with his head tilted. “If you’re comfortable, of course,” he adds, the corners of his lips quirking up. Mouth agape slightly for a few seconds, you shake yourself out of your momentary funk and nod, thrilled at his interest.
“The colors show up really well with this lighting, especially ‘cuz I just changed my saturation settings,” you mumble, stopping yourself when you realize he probably doesn’t care that much. Tucking your knees to your chest, you wait nervously as you hand the device to him.
You think your heartbeat just about stops when he replies with a “that’s so cool” under his breath.
Jaehyun holds the camera carefully to his chest before sitting down beside you, leaning against the tree trunk before flipping through your gallery. He takes his time watching every little video clip and picture, giving you a little noise of approval every few clicks. 
You’re caught off guard when he sighs and puts the camcorder back in your lap, turning to you with the most serious expression you’ve ever seen grace his features. 
“Y/N, you seriously might be better at this shit than the literal mixed media majors at my uni,” he deadpans. Taken aback, you can’t stop the rosy warmth that creeps up your cheeks. “I’m being so for real right now. Don’t ever stop.”
You pause.
“Do you know how reassuring that is to hear, especially from you?” you say with sincerity, holding eye contact with him.
“Hmm? Really, me?”
“Yeah. It feels like I’m doing something right, like I’m not wasting my time on a fruitless hobby.” Confessing one of your biggest fears to someone who’s familiar to you but not, close to you but not — now that’s probably one of the craziest things you’ve done this week, and you do a whole lot of crazy things in a week.
Jaehyun’s expression changes with your words. He doesn’t reply for a while, just seeming to take in the world around him with only his eyes. Looking from the drooping branches of the willow to its dirt-ingrained roots, his face is cast downwards with a faint, melancholic smile.
Now the mood is ruined, you think to yourself, bitter. Why do I always do this?
Before you can change the subject and move on from your awkward burt-out, he clears his throat. 
“You know, I admire you a lot Y/N. You and Taeyong,” he starts, the slim chain around his neck glittering in the afternoon sun when he turns back to you. “Both of you have always been unafraid to pursue the arts, even though I know how your strict parents are about future careers and all that. I wish I had the courage to just… do what I like instead of being a pushover with my dad. Maybe I would be doing music with your brother instead of barely living day by day in pre-med.”
His usual confident eyes are tinged with regret and a little vulnerability as he ruffles his hair in the wind. You tilt your head at him, trying to come up with comforting words when you aren’t so sure if you’re qualified to give him advice in the first place.
“Well… I admire you a lot, Jaehyun. You’ve always been that one person who consistently looks like they have their life in check, someone who’s able to put their all in everything that they do. It’s really a quality to be proud of,” you say to him honestly. “I think you’ll do well wherever you end up. So don’t worry too much, okay?”
The boy stares at you like no one’s ever said that to him, and no one has; even if this might be a passing comment for you, it’s something that he feels relief to finally hear.
“Thanks.” He says it so quietly that you almost miss it, but you can hear the gratefulness in his voice nevertheless. You both look away for a few seconds when a brilliant yellow bird flutters past the two of you, settling on the ground in front to peck at a white speck in the soil. “Pretty,” he mumbles under his breath, blinking at the animal.
And with that, Jaehyun shakes his head a bit before resuming back to his relaxed demeanor. He lets out a breath of air and runs his tongue over his teeth. 
“Sorry for getting so deep all of a sudden,” he apologies, sheepishly rubbing his neck as you let out a little laugh.
“No, it’s nice to hear that the Valentine Boy has troubles too,” you tease lightly, recalling the God-like aura he used to carry 24/7 when you were younger and the nick-name that followed him around as a result. Jaehyun visibly cringes at your words, no doubt getting high school flashbacks.
“Not that,” he replies, embarrassed. “Anyway, I feel like I haven’t gotten the chance yet to ask you how you’ve been these past few years.” You glance up at him in surprise. He sounds strangely sincere for someone you weren’t that close with out of your brother’s friends, and the confusion must show on your face because he finds it in himself to clarify. “Oh come on, Y/N. I feel like we’ve known each other since forever but I’ve missed a crucial part of your growing up. You’re like a whole different person now.”
“I’d hope so,” you lament, fiddling with your camcorder. “I’ve gone through too much shit to be the same as sixteen-year old me.” Jaehyun laughs out loud at your answer, knowing exactly how you feel as someone who was once a fresh, high school graduate.
“Yeah? Well it seems like just yesterday when you were complaining about being bored after school from not having enough homework—” he stumbles over his words when you push his body with a light shove, the boy barely able to get breaths in with how much he’s laughing at your past cluelessness of how hard high school would really be.
“None of you guys warned me about the horror of calculus, so that is not my fault Jaehyun,” you pout, shaking your head at him.
“So it’s my fault?” he smiles, questioning your statement.
“Yes.” A lie.
“And I’m the reason why you almost failed second semester math?”
“Yes.” Another lie. Wait. “What— how do you even know about that?” You demand, incredulous. Jaehyun just raises his eyebrows and hides his growing grin behind his hand. “Fucking Lee Taeyong.”
He looks overjoyed at your seething, playfully poking out his bottom lip in a mock-frown before getting up and dusting off his pants. Offering a hand to you, Jaehyun uses his strength to pull you to your feet; you’re hyper-aware of the warmth of his palm as your hands linger for a millisecond before he pulls away. 
I’m so screwed, you think to yourself, blinking at the sky with fervor. Shaking your head, you tuck your hand to your side and try not to think of his skin on yours.
“They’re finally done flirting,” he notes with a hum, making an acute observation as you both spy the three other boys heading back to the car, their reluctant forms obvious when you see one girl hold up her hands in a ‘call me’ sign.
Smirking, you skip ahead of Jaehyun before turning back and waving your wallet at him.
“25000 won that we’ll see one of those girls walk out of Tae’s room tomorrow morning,” you chant as Jaehyun jogs to catch up with you. Chuckling, he pushes your wallet away.
“Nah, that man doesn’t give a fuck about the time of day. 25000 that she’s gonna be at your house in twenty,” he counters, snorting when you gag at the thought.
You can’t help but light up at his content face; this feels like this is the first time you’ve ever had a real, honest to goodness, conversation with him as a young adult.
And you’re in trouble, because you think you like it more than you should.
“I did it,” Chaewon confesses over the phone, the sound of a knife against a chopping board from her end revealing her current position.
“What,” you inquire, “you finally passed your license test?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Never.” You flash a wicked grin at the sheet music in your hands, shuffling through the never-ending leaflets. 
When Taeyong had said he’d pay you to organize his papers, you clearly weren’t thinking straight enough to be saying yes to this hell. He’s been out for an hour already and not even a third of the pile is sorted through. You slump forward on the couch and shake out your tired hands, groaning when your knuckle hits the coffee table with a painful thump.
“For your information, I don’t need to drive. Hot girls take public transportation,” she retorts with a humph.
“Can’t argue with you there, passenger princess.”
“Oh please, I can literally feel the sarcasm dripping from your voice.”
You laugh, a “you know me, Chae” accompanying the sound ringing out through your empty house. Gathering Taeyong’s work into your arms and dumping the rest on the table, you slide onto the carpeted ground with a sigh. Your bones are overly sore from sitting for too long and the couches seams have made painful, little white imprints on your thighs. With a click of your tongue, you inwardly curse your brother for offering such good deals to a minimum wage paid, about-to-be uni kid, or else you wouldn't be spending a perfectly good Saturday afternoon on whatever this is.
“So,” you prompt, “what did you do this time.”
“Ha,” Chaewon starts.
“I’m scared.”
“Ran into Jaehyun today.”
“Aaand that’s my cue to hang up now,” you sing, slipping the phone between your shoulder and ear, the warm device tucked neatly in the crevice of your neck before you hear the sound of your doorbell ringing out. 
“Wait—”
“Hold on for a sec, Chae. Someone’s at the door.” 
You will yourself to get up from the carpet before making your way over to the front of the house, preparing yourself for a blast of hot summer air to hit you. The silver knob twists under your hand as you swing the door open slowly, expecting the mailman or a delivery on your front porch. Certainly not—
“—Hey.”
Your eyes flick up in surprise.
“Oh shit,” Chaewon whispers over the phone. “That’s not who I think it is, right?”
It’s been a week since you last saw Jaehyun face to face, and your conflicted inner thoughts have been battling in your conscience for the entirety of it. Well, this isn’t great.
“Hi Jaehyun,” you manage to sound out, mentally chastising yourself for sounding so nervous.
“And that’s my cue to hang up now,” the voice at the other end of your call snickers, the long beep of it ending blaring into your ear. 
Your arm drops to your side, phone in hand, as you stare pointedly at Chaewon’s contact info lighting up the screen, her eyes mocking you through her profile picture. Jaehyun lifts an eyebrow as he looks between your phone and your face, seemingly questioning if you’re currently busy through his eyes alone.
“Umm…” your gaze flits around in flusteration, looking just about anywhere but him. “Taeyong’s not home right now, if that’s why you’re here.”
“Oh? Do you know when he’ll be back?” he asks, relaxed as he leans his body against the doorframe.
“He’s picking up stuff from Johnny’s across town, so like,” you glance up at the clock, “an hour? I could uh… call you when he gets back if you want.”
Jaehyun simply pokes his tongue into his cheek in contemplation before tucking his hands into his pockets.
“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll just stay.” With a small smile, he adds on, “if you're okay with that, of course.”
You peer past him to see his shiny black Mustang sitting in front of your house, before returning to your original position and shrugging at the foyer. Losing your shyness momentarily as you let out a puff of air, you follow Jaehyun in before deciding to answer.
“My company is a blessing in itself, isn’t it,” you think out loud, displaying a cheeky smile when Jaehyun turns around to playfully scoff at you.
“Now that’s a sure thing, Y/N.” 
The boy seats himself on one of the kitchen barstools and places his chin in his hand, leaning over the counter to stare at you as you busy yourself with the fridge.
In all honesty, you weren’t prepared to see him again. He’s already been occupying your mind a little too much for your liking during this past week, the idea of his return to your life teetering you on the edge of insanity. You didn’t know high school crushes hit that hard two years later, and it certainly doesn’t help that his golden skin and constellation of tawny freckles have made an almost daily appearance in the Lee household — just like the old times.
“I think we still have that special glass-bottled lemonade from the farmer’s market last weekend, unless,” you pause, sifting through the multitude of items in the ice box. “Yup. Nevermind. Taeyong finished all of them.”
Jaehyun snorts, already familiar with his best friend’s midnight tendencies of clearing out the fridge whenever, wherever.
“We also have water? And um… milk. And Vodka.”
“This sounds like Yuta’s fridge, and that thought alone is like, genuinely terrifying,” Jaehyun observes from behind you. You shake your head, recalling the first time you saw the said boy’s freezer stash of condiments and liquor at a house party a few years ago. Only condiments and liquor.
“Oh! And cold noodles,” you hold up the container with a little shake. “I remember you liking my mom’s version of them,” you mumble quietly, willing yourself to turn around when the cold air from the fridge starts to sting your eyes.
Jaehyun observes you curiously, a question at the tip of his tongue. You remember?
He stops himself from blurting it out when you seat yourself across from him and push the container towards his direction.
“You practically live here anyway. Help yourself,” you say a bit louder, embarrassed about the fact that you remember such a miniscule detail about him.
You squint at the countertop — which you honestly wish would swallow you whole — as Jaehyun moves around you to pour himself a glass of water. His muscles strain against his loose t-shirt as he moves around your kitchen with familiarity, and you turn away with wide eyes when you realize you’ve spaced out while staring at his back.
It’s a situation that younger you would have never imagined; you had simply never been left in a room with him alone. Your brother and his other friends were always there, a subtle reminder of the distance between you two and the fact that he was probably still worlds away.
But you’re an adult now, and it’d be a lie if you said that you don’t want Jaehyun to notice you in that way.
Feelings are too complicated to think about sober. You grimace to yourself, pressing two fingers against your temple as you lean your cheek against the cool, hard marble of the countertop.
“Y/N?” you lift your head up at your name, flinching back in surprise when Jaehyun’s face appears at the edge of your vision, his figure buzzing with excitement as he gapes at you. “This is yours, right?”
Your eyes drift to the black canisters in his palm. My film.
“Oh yeah— wait. I forgot to develop those ones,” you make your way over and take the undeveloped film rolls into your hands, the boy observing you with wide eyes.
“That’s sick. Do you develop them yourself?” 
“Hm? Nah, I bring them to the camera store downtown. Left them in the fridge to preserve for a while so they should be good to go now.”
It’s only when you look up from the canisters that you spy his expression, the pure giddiness painted on his features catching you off guard. Jaehyun’s body language tells you that he is unnervingly thrilled about his new discovery.
“You were never into this kind of stuff when Taeyong and I were still here in high school,” he brings up slowly, letting the words sit on his tongue before following you when you head towards the stairs. “If I had known…” he trails off, pursing his lips to the side so that his notorious dimples show.
You peer at him over your nose bridge curiously. If he had known, he would've what?
Jaehyun pokes his tongue into his cheek and furrows his brows, thinking about the times when he was over at your house after school and you would be nowhere to be seen. Is the dark room where you were, or were you out taking pictures at the rink and shooting short films with your friends? Maybe at the park with your old camcorder and skateboard? The fact that he never knew about so many of your hobbies is almost troubling considering how long he’s known you, and it makes him shift in place. He supposes he never really took the time to know his best friend’s little sister, but looking at you as you stare back, you’re so much more than that. 
Had you always shared so much in common?
“Well, imma go upstairs and watch a movie,” you resume your climb before pointing upward. “You can come up until Tae comes home, if you want?”
The boy glances at the door momentarily, contemplating how Taeyong would react if he found him in his sister’s room. Would he kill me? Maybe.
He shrugs. Fuck it, I could totally beat him in a fight, Jaehyun reasons, smiling to himself. He doesn’t know how he reached that conclusion, but he thinks he’s joking. Mostly.
“The real question is, what’re we watching? If it’s some romcom shit I’m leaving,” Jaehyun raises a challenging brow with his smirk as he follows you nonetheless, hand following yours dangerously close on the wooden handrail.
“Not my problem you’ve got no taste.”
“Oh please,” he rolls his eyes, pushing his body into view as you push open your bedroom door, “I might actually die if I see DiCaprio’s face one more time, and you can’t tell me it’s not you that has all of his movies in the living room cabinet, ‘cause they’re definitely not your brother’s.”
“That seems a bit of a personal issue between you and him, Jaehyun,” you let out a laugh with your words. Turning around to flick on the light switch, you’re met with his face closer than it was before. “What.”
“What?” he repeats, almost mockingly. “Oh, sweetheart. You think this face isn’t DiCaprio level?”
Your face heats up without your consent, flustered at the sudden proximity and the fact that you most definitely think Jaehyun’s better than all of your favorite actors combined. You would never admit that to him for the life of you, though.
You swallow before pushing him lightly, making your way into the center of your bedroom.
“Admit it,” he sings, not giving up as he relentlessly parks himself in front of you with his legs set further apart so that he can look at you at eye level. “I bet even Ji Chang-wook’s got nothing on me.”
“Woah woah woah,” you gasp in offense, throwing a hand up to your chest. “Now that’s crossing the line, buddy. Ji Chang-wook’s got something on everybody.”
“I bet,” Jaehyun drawls out sarcastically, eyes flipping to the ceiling ludicrously slow. He seems to glitch for a few seconds, mouth open but no words coming out. “Especially with the way his face is plastered… on… your ceiling? You fall asleep to that?”
Your eyes widen when you have the sudden realization that Jeong Jaehyun is in your room, in your personal space, looking at your things. And that most certainly includes the poster of Ji Chang-wook next to the plastic stars above your bed, glassy, plastic-y eyes staring down at your ruffley bed sheets and everything. In your defense, it was the result of a lost dare — but he doesn’t know that. Wow, you think to yourself, regretting all of your life decisions, I’m just so good at first impressions.
“Yes,” you give up somewhat dejectedly, offering him a (hopefully) confident smile before pulling a projector from under your bed and setting it up on your bedside table.
Jaehyun just shrugs and seats himself on your bed, muttering a little “cute” that you miss before observing as you give the machine a few good slaps so it’ll turn on. Settling against the wall, he lets his eyes flutter over your decor and multitude of things plastered across every inch of your space. If anything, the way your room’s changed since the last time he was in it gives him an outlook into your life that he wouldn't have known otherwise. 
From the blockbuster movie ads on your door to the unfiltered sunlight reflecting off your mirror, the shoelaces tied around your closet door to the origami threaded around your ceiling fan, he feels like he’s falling. Maybe, just maybe, he even finds a bit of himself in the painted shoe boxes shoved under your desk and your circular record shelf. Even the stars he and Taeyong stuck on years ago are still there too. He recognizes bits and pieces here and there, but thrown together in one place, a cohesive picture forms in front of him. It’s suffocating — in a good way — as if he’s been thrown into the unknown and is hit with a new side of you at full force; everything, everywhere, all at once.
“Ha!” you exclaim, holding out a fist for Jaehyun to bump when your projector flickers on. With a bright grin, you flop onto the bed beside him and wait for the whirring of the projector to start with a hollow click.
The beginning few seconds of the film you’ve chosen roll onto your makeshift movie screen, a white sheet hanging by its threads from your vanity, as the bright images light up your figures with a burning white.
Jaehyun figures out what you’ve done just as a familiar face blurs into view, the moving calligraphy of The Great Gatsby scrawled across your bedroom wall while you poke out your tongue at him, high off of the mere fact that you’ve gotten your way. You hear him let out a defeated sigh from beside you, his knee hitting yours as he settles into your comforter nevertheless.
“Sharp as hell, aren’t you. I should’ve known DiCaprio would show up in my sight sooner or later.”
Summer tastes like melted sugar crystals in cherry garcia  — or rather, summer tastes like Mark Lee’s Strawberry-Rouge Extravaganza, the latest, state-of-the-art item on his Record Shop menu. When you ask why the random French is thrown in there, he defends himself adamantly, claiming that his three years of secondary French language classes have practically made him a local.
“It’s like a metaphor for saying, ‘I love you,’” Mark claims with sass, even though you don’t make the connection (“That’s not what a metaphor is…?” you mumble quizzically under your breath). He ignores the weird look you throw at him and goes back to his mixing on the counter of the cashier station. “And it feels like a warm hug, because what better to express that than sparkly, drunk goodness.”
“Wow,” Chaewon deadpans, not even looking up from her nails that she’s painting right next to him. The mix of nail polish and liquor makes you scrunch your nose as you organize the main display, a rotating shelf that headlines Blondie. “You should be a poet. You have such a way with words.”
“I don’t need your negativity in my life, girly.” You almost choke on air when you hear a sharp snap of Chae’s gum in retaliation, her icy glare making Mark wilt under her gaze. 
Their intense, non-verbal argument is saved by the dinging of a customer opening the door to the shop. You whip around to greet them only for your words to die right in your throat. Two silhouettes step in, their tall stature and familiar features blocking the sun from shining through the entranceway.
“…Jaehyun, Jungwoo! How are you guys?” Mark offers when he sees you fall silent.
The two greet happily right back, sliding past you to pat him on the back and exchange handshakes. Jaehyun lingers by your side for a little, holding his fist out for you to tap like you did just the other day in your room.
“We knew we’d find you guys in here,” Jungwoo laments, looking around the shelves before his eyes land on Mark’s… setup. You have to admit, this one looks a bit more pleasant than his past drink recipes, and you can tell that Jungwoo agrees wholeheartedly. His hand lingers on a bottle of sparkling vanilla wine as Mark slices red fruit ardently with a plastic, cafeteria knife. A paper cup holds the rest of his special ingredients: rock candy on wooden sticks, shattered candy hearts, and star-shaped ice cubes. You’d be lying if you didn’t admit that it looked delicious, like something you would order at a beach-side bar. 
Jungwoo seems to find the situation amusing, a trio of barely-adults passing slow, withering days in their own little makeshift paradise. Leaning against the countertop like he’s on the cover of Parisian Vogue, he nicks his baseball cap up a bit higher to look into the three of yours’ eyes better.
“Johnny’s throwing a party.”
That’s all anyone needs to say before Chaewon’s attention is snagged, her eyes gaining an undeniable gleam.
“We’re going,” she speaks for everyone in the room, especially looking you square in the eyes as if saying, you’re not escaping this time, young lady.
“Mhm,” Jaehyun confirms, a hand rubbing at his pulse as he swings an arm over Jungwoo’s shoulders. “A fancy mixer, kinda, the day after tomorrow. We’ll have all the booze, so the only thing you need to bring is yourself.”
“And,” the latter chimes in, “it’s at Johnny’s countryside estate, so y’all can do whatever illegal shit you kids get yourself into without worrying about anything.”
Chaewon lets out a small scoff at his words, mumbling a “we still do here it anyway” under her breath and throwing a knowing look at the alcohol in front of Mark that’s very blatantly in every passerby’s sight.
As Jungwoo relays more information about the plans to them at the front of the shop, Jaehyun turns to follow your path as you diligently place records back in their places in the depths of the store. 
“Do you wear silver or gold?” 
You jump at his appearance out of nowhere, glancing at him with a certain hesitation at his question. Your confusion as to how this topic appeared so suddenly is painted blatantly across your face as you close the last turntable with a click. 
“Why?” You pause. “But both. Depends on my mood.”
“Because this is yours now.”
He reaches into his jeans’ front pocket, pulling out something in his fist before reaching for your hand and dropping a small, plastic ring in the middle of it. 
It’s neon orange and ugly as hell, like something you would find stuck to gum on the underbelly of a school desk. But hey, who are you to complain when Jaehyun looks so pleased at himself as he looks between your face and the ring, trying to gauge your reaction to his surprise gift. And, you’re definitely not complaining when it’s a gift from Jaehyun himself.
“Thank you…? Also,” you squint, picking up the ring to slide onto your pointer finger, “this isn’t silver or gold.” He shrugs half heartedly.
“Sucks to suck.”
You kick the tip of his Converse as he laughs with his whole body, the boy’s deep voice filling the small space. 
“It’s from the coin toy machine outside,” he explains. With a broad grin, he pulls his other hand from out of his pocket and waves it in your face. The whole rainbow has found its home on his fingers, all silly swirls and squiggles of nylon with glued on googly-eyes half falling off.
It’s the pure childish elation you share which makes you unknowingly sink deeper and deeper into the ocean that is Jeong Jaehyun, and you would have felt the metaphorical gasps of air your lungs so desperately need if not for the momentary distractions he provides. 
You suppose all of this is your own doing anyway. 
It feels as though Autumn has made a reverse pit-stop in the middle of summer. 
If not obvious by the way the seasonal trees are drooping with a sudden dewy chill, it’s the sudden absence of people in general that serves as a telltale sign. There’s almost no cars on the road, fewer students out and about, and less frequent public transportation. 
The last one in particular really speaks to Jaehyun.
Scrunching his nose at the crisp air, he exits the hole-in-the-wall café he usually frequents when he’s bored, the biting coldness of a mid-August day unfamiliar to him. The boy spent almost the entire day inside; switching between staring at the weather app on his computer and deleting emails from his overflowing inbox for two hours wasn’t the way he thought he’d spend the afternoon, but alas, waiting that long at the crumbling bus stop wasn’t ideal either. He much prefers being warm, caffeinated, and pretending to read a scientific journal than freezing his ass off on a metal bench. 
Anyone would think the same, Jaehyun shrugs to himself… at least until he starts nearing said bench.
Jaehyun stops mid-step when he spots something strange, side-eyeing the undeniably familiar blob crouching at the bus stop approaching on the right.
Why? Well, it's swathed in an oversized hoodie, has a keychain-ful backpack hanging low on its shoulders, and is suspiciously Y/N-shaped.
And if that doesn’t tell him anything, well, the way your eyes go comically wide when you turn to the right and coincidentally meet gazes with Jeong Jaehyun of all people definitely does. It’s the way he’s standing there like a runway model with his hood over his head, dimples on full show as he raises his eyebrows at you and his expensive-looking leather bag hanging off of one shoulder that almost causes you to fall over. Luckily, you pull yourself together before something embarrassing happens, like losing your balance and crashing into the road (not that it’s happened before, of course…). You’re well aware that you tend to get distracted easily, and you’re definitely in trouble because that man is one hell of a distraction.
Getting up quickly and dusting the invisible dust off your legs, you offer him an embarrassed wave as he approaches you.
“How long have you been sitting there? It’s fucking cold outside,” Jaehyun calls out, concerned, glancing down at your skirt and the way you hide your hands in your hoodie sleeves. Sidling up next to you, he bounces on the balls of his feet a little before stuffing his own hands in his pockets.
“It’s okay,” you smile down at the way your shoes match next to his on the sidewalk, “I’m used to the bipolar weather. Plus, it’s not that cold when you’ve got these!” Tucking your lip between your teeth, you rustle around in your sweater-paws before popping out your hands proudly in front of you. Nestled in your palms are old hand warmers, their heat fading but worth their purpose nonetheless.
“Only you would have hand warmers in stock during the middle of summer, Y/N,” he shakes his head in disbelief, but the smile threatening to take over his face makes his eyes crinkle up in amusement.
“Mhm,” you say, distracted as you see the bus pull up to the sidewalk from down the road, “I’ve got a whole box in my backpack. Who knows, maybe an ice storm will hit one day and I’ll be the only one with hands while everyone else’s freeze off.” 
He pauses in place, speechless at your comment. You simply shrug at him, as if saying that’s the way life goes, before nodding to the bus driver and climbing up the vehicle’s steps. “Don’t worry, I’d share mine with you.”
Jaehyun lets out a breath in disbelief. 
Your attitude is truly refreshing, and he can’t even begin to describe what a breath of clean air it is to talk to you everyday; he’s used to girls coming up to him with hidden intent, their eyes tinged with lust as they disguise their interest with false pretenses and flowery words. Flattery is what it began with, but after years of receiving nothing from their end while he found himself aimlessly hoping for someone genuine and it was disappointing that he couldn’t find even one. He’d wish they would just treat him normally and act like themselves, a person not afraid to be genuine with him and let their inner child show. 
It’s as he observes the way you hum as you climb up and give a playful salute to the driver that he realizes you’re the perfect balance of both, the maturity in you shining admirably at the times when it is needed while never acting like something you’re not.
Jaehyun blinks at your figure before tugging on your arm to move around you, swiping his bus pass twice before you can even register what’s happened. He lets a smug grin take over his face before pulling you to the back of the bus and plopping down beside you.
“Thank you for paying for me,” you tilt your head at him, tucking your card back into your pocket. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to, though.”
You give him a grateful smile before remembering something that you had meant to show him, pulling out the walkman you found in your grandmother’s cellar yesterday from your backpack, a dusty old thing that still works perfectly fine. Looping its built-in headphones around your neck, you tilt the player towards him before offering him the small device. Turning it around in his hands, he gapes in undeniable awe as he taps the plastic cover with intrigue. 
You knew he’d like it.
“I haven’t seen one of these in so long. Whose grave did you raid to get this, the hell?”
“Found it yesterday in my grandparent's cellar, and before Taeyong got his hands on it. I thought that you’d find it interesting so I was planning on showing you later this week, but hey, look who I happened to run into today.”
He simply shakes his head before bringing the machine up to his eyes and popping open its cover, a finger coming up to trace the dust out of the inside of it.
“Do you have a cassette to put in it or…?” he begins, looking up at you. You shake your head. “We can go to the vintage shop downtown later to get you some, if you want.”
“Really? You’ll go with me?”
“Yeah, Y/N. You’ve always got the coolest things to play around with, and we can go shove this in Yong’s face too. He’s gonna be so jealous.”
“You just wanna annoy my brother,” you snort, nudging his arm.
“You’ve got me there.” He holds up his hands in mock surrender before poking his tongue inside his cheek, eyebrows furrowing in thought. “Or… I could make you a personalized mixtape?” Your jaw drops comically, no words coming out of your mouth as you just stare at him.
“Are you being serious right now?”
“So, so serious.”
“If you did, I would actually lose my mind,” you finally close your mouth in amazement. “You’d probably be my favorite person ever.”
“Well, then that would be well worth it. I’ll work on it when I’m back in the studio at uni,” Jaehyun smiles genuinely, handing you your walkman back before swinging his leather bag back onto his shoulder as the bus pulls to a halt. With a parting pat on your shoulder, he mouths a goodbye before descending the aisle.
“This is my stop. See you at the party, Y/N.”
… 
When you had received the call on a quiet Saturday afternoon from Mark that he and Chaewon would be leaving earlier to help set up for Johnny’s weekend party — the one that Jungwoo and Jaehyun had only told you about just a few days prior — the possibility of not having a ride to bring you hadn’t even struck yet. You were too busy thanking your friends that they had granted you two more hours for an afternoon nap, and an extra 60 minutes to get ready; a truly ideal day in your opinion. 
It’s only when you’ve given yourself a final look in the mirror, admiring the new dress that you’ve donned at the last minute, do you hear the undeniable honk of a car outside. Brushing aside the curtains and trying to get your eyes to focus in the dark, you make a noise of panic when you spy Jaehyun’s car outside your house. 
What’s he doing here?
You'd spent far more time with Jaehyun in the past few days than you have in your entire lifetime, running small errands with him when Taeyong's not there and browsing through retro stores in nearby towns for old cassettes. With every hour more spent together, it felt like you were getting closer to knowing his feelings, and that in itself excited you to no end. He'd end every drive together with a knowing look and some sort of physical touch, and each goodbye left you in anticipation for the next time you'd see him.
Sprinting down the stairs and grabbing your shoes as fast as you can, you rush out into the street where the Mustang’s tinted windows prevent any passerby from making out any faces from the outside. 
As you approach the driver’s side, the window rolls down to reveal the owner of the car. 
“Hey,” Jaehyun grins at you, his pupils dilated and the faint smell of smoke lingering on his breath. 
It feels like forever since you’ve seen him, even if it’s only been a few hours since you last saw each other. You can feel your head fog up when you fully take in his appearance; with his hair slicked back and his button-up undone to reveal sharp collarbones and a dangling, silver cross, he looks godly as the moonlight basks him in a paper-white glow. 
“Chaewon and Mark had to stay later to help set up more and Taeyong’s been pregaming since six, so he sent me to pick you up. You can get in the back.”
You hum in understanding before climbing into the backseat, tucking your hands under your thighs before looking up at the front of the car. 
Your heart drops. 
“Hi,” the girl in the shotgun seat lilts, her bleached hair falling into wavy ringlets against Jaehyun’s leather seats. “Y/N, right? I remember you! You’re Yongie’s baby sis.”
You itch to fill the silence that follows, even though you assume she would have no trouble clearing it with her well-known, extroverted dynamic. There’s an unnamed tension in the car between the two people in the front seat, and it’s so intense that you could cut it with a knife.
You take shallow breaths, not sure what to make of your position. I’m sitting in a car with my crush and his former situationship— holy. How did we get to this point? She’s literally—
“—Lim Sae-mi,” you attempt to give her a genuine smile, flashing your teeth in what you pray isn’t an awkward expression. 
Saemi simply twinkles in the rear view mirror, her delicately painted lips stretching up before she twists around to observe you. 
“You do remember me! Look at how pretty you are too,” she exclaims, reaching back to pat down a strand of your hair, her voice laced with sticky sweetness. “You could be a model, just like Yongie. And your hair is so healthy, I’m jealous. Isn’t her hair so so nice, Jae?”
Jaehyun snaps to attention at the mention of his name, seeming to be in some sort of haze with the way he looks like he’s holding his breath for as long as humanly possible. 
“Yeah.” You find yourself wilting in the slightest at his monotone voice. Looking out the window as he starts driving towards the outskirts of town, you try not to let yourself be too disappointed at the way he loses such distinctive qualities when around the girl sitting next to him. 
Jaehyun freezes up when Saemi turns to him all doe-eyed, flashbacks flitting through his mind of the days when he’d anticipate the moments he’d see her again when they were younger. Strangely enough, the effect that she used to have on him — palpitating heart, nervous ticks, rosy cheeks, uncanny attraction — seems to have dissipated. Now, highschool-Jaehyun seems so far away, and their memories even further.
What’s changed?
“Um,” you start as you watch suburban lights zoom by less and less frequently, your brain working just as fast to eliminate some of the weird, awkward tension happening in the car. You don’t really know enough to make conclusions, but something must have happened in the past for them to react to each other like this. “How’s SNU? Do you guys run into each other often on campus?”
Jaehyun chuckles lowly, a tinge of uncertainty lining his tone as he waits for Saemi to answer your question. 
“Right, you’re going to uni next year right? Hmm… we don’t really see each other on campus at all, now that I think about it,” she simpers, frowning at the road in front of her before brightening up in less than a second. “But that's because Jae’s so busy, preparing to be a future doctor and all. He was always the smartest one out of all of us.”
You watch as he falls silent, knuckles tightening on the steering wheel as his jaw clenches ever so slightly.
“Hey, we should catch up sometime Jae,” she adds on with a tone like she doesn’t really mean it before turning her gaze to him, tacking on a noise of agreement with herself as if she's already decided that they will. 
She knows they won’t.
You watch their eyes meet briefly before Jaehyun breaks it to turn the steering wheel left onto a never-ending stretch of a lone, empty road.
Saemi’s a hard person to figure out. You know that she’s charming when she wants to be and firm when she needs to be, but you also know from Taeyong that she has a personality she can flip on and off like a switch; it’s almost as if mind games with the people around her are amusing, and it’s up to the other person to figure out what her true intentions are. It’s understandable why so many people find her alluring. 
Glancing up at the back of her head once more, you observe as she leans back with a faint frown before swallowing something in her hand that looks like a bottled shot. She looks uncomfortable as she shifts in her seat every few minutes, and you’re not sure if she’s more put off by the alcohol or by Jaehyun. Your guess would be the latter, even if her voice makes it seem like she’s the most confident person in the world.
You don’t even attempt to start another conversation, instead opting to roll down the window so that you can watch empty land flash by, an occasional plant breaking the smooth ground. The car picks up speed on its own with no other vehicle in sight, the only light coming from the rising crescent moon and a solo gas station situated further down the road.
The three of you perk up as you approach the oil refill and the only other car at the station, a big pick-up with dressed-up figures leaning out of its windows and sitting around the back cargo bed. You assume they’re heading to the same place you are with the way they all shout at each other as they pass a dark bottle back and forth. A boy gets out of the driver’s seat to walk over to Jaehyun’s car and lean through Saemi’s side of the window, shades pushed up into his hair and beads and cuban links dangling out of his shirt. You don’t recognize him, but you’re not surprised when Johnny knows just about every young person in the world.
“Jaehyun, man! And Saemi, damn, I haven’t seen you guys in a while. Headed to Johnny’s?” he exclaims with a loud voice and wide smile, reaching in to pat a long-lost friend on the shoulder. Just like that, the extroverted Jaehyun and Saemi are back, conversing with him as if their awkward energy and off demeanors didn’t just dictate the ride over. 
The guy notices you in the back when your eyes meet accidentally, both of you taken aback.
“And who might this be?” He smirks at you, gaze never leaving yours as he directs the question to the other two in the car. You smile back just to be friendly, but with the way he’s staring at you, you’re not sure if that’s the right way to go about things.
“Lee Taeyong’s sister,” Jaehyun speaks up, glimpsing back at you with an unreadable look. A look of recognition flashes over the stranger’s face as his mouth opens in surprise.
“So this is the sister. Shit, is that why I’ve never seen her around?”
“Yeah.” There’s a bitter undertone to his voice, expression faltering before he raises his eyebrows with a smile. “And that’s why she’s off limits, man. I know that look all too well.”
You look at your brother’s friend in question, leaning forward, but Jaehyun doesn’t even glance at you. Both of you know that Taeyong isn’t really the overly protective type, so why would he say that? Maybe he knows that this guy is bad news, so he’s warning me. You nod to yourself, satisfied with your quick thinking. That sounds about right.
You’re about to offer a comment yourself, but you’re stopped by a—
“Lim Saemi! No fucking way, is that really you?” another shrill voice calls from across the expanse of the gas station, a former classmate stalking across the black cement in teetering heels as she waves dramatically at the girl in front of you. “It is you! I can’t believe we ran into you like this, you gotta join the party truck now!”
Saemi seems to recognize her, waving dramatically out the window to her friend. In a matter of seconds, the girl has pulled her out of Jaehyun’s car as she laughs at her friend’s antics of tugging on her wrist to string her along, drunk. Saemi throws you and Jaehyun a look that seems to say everything and nothing at the same time; if you were to interpret it in your own language, it would spell out: So sorry I’m ditching you guys! I love both of you to pieces but I’d honestly rather drink bleach than get back in that car. Hope you understand. Muah.
And with that, you watch Saemi switch cars in a matter of moments. The boy follows them back to their chaotic ride to Johnny’s after waving goodbye at Jaehyun, who’s watching them without any emotion bleeding through his stoic face. You can’t even begin to guess what's going through his mind as his eyes flick back to his dashboard, spaced out.
You pause.
“...and then there were two.”
Biting your bottom lip when you realize you mumbled that out loud, and you’ve genuinely never wanted to be six feet under more because the man hasn’t even said a word since she left you two.
Jaehyun freezes at your voice, almost as if he forgot you were in the car. Letting out an airy laugh after a moment, your shoulders relax when you sense that his weird, Saemi-caused demeanor has faded with her sudden absence.
“Wanna move to the front? It’s lonely up here.” You perk up at his belated response, excitedly getting out of the back to slide into the shotgun seat at his invitation. The man next to you seems to visibly relax, stomach releasing and shoulders drooping with less tension as he starts the car and turns back onto the stretch of empty road. 
The silence doesn’t bother you this time when Saemi’s absent; it’s pleasant and full, as if both of you needed this momentary break from nonstop life to collect yourself. Staring at the dust picking up along the wheels while the needle on the speedometer rises up and up, you find the scene before you therapeutic in unexplainable ways.
Jaehyun feels the same, his eyes spacey as one hand rests languidly on the steering wheel with ingrained muscle memory. The vehicle coasts past blank acres and rolling hills, the burning moon engaging in hide-and-seek as it appears and disappears behind their peaks. He doesn’t even feel the need to turn up the stereo as he usually does when your audible, light breaths are sufficient enough. It’s comforting in ways he didn’t know he needed.
You recognize how close you are to Johnny’s estate when you see the road before you thin into dirt and pebbles, a grandiose silver gate barely visible in the far distance. Behind the gate is the unmistakable gleam of polished stone, no doubt the road that leads up to the party and an onslaught of cars. If you concentrate hard enough, your mind can even conjure up the deep bass of the music that the host prefers at his mixers, their heavy resonance flowing through the thick soil to the bottom of Jaehyun’s car and all the way up to the soles of your feet.
You’re just about to point your strange observance out when Jaehyun makes a sudden swerve, pulling off to an edge of mangled weeds and tree roots, the car rolling to a shuttering stop just before a barren field of dead plants. Your body lurches forward a bit with the movement, the boy apologizing profusely when he sees you adjust your seatbelt with confusion written all over your expression.
“Fuck, sorry sorry sorry,” he mumbles, moving his hand in front of you as if you could fall out of your seat at any minute. “I just… the stars are stunning right now, we gotta stop for a sec. You don’t mind if we…”
He trails off, distracted, as he pulls the car door open hastily, rushing out to take in the night sky in its full glory. It’s as if he doesn’t move fast enough, the stars will pull a disappearing stunt on him.
It’s endearing to see Jaehyun like this, a smile subconsciously finding its way onto your face when you spot him bouncing on the balls of his feet lightly. His eyes are completely enamored with the sight above him, neck craned up at an odd angle to see everything; from the way his fingers dig into his palms in excitement to the cold flush on his cheeks from the biting evening chill, it’s like he doesn’t know what to do with himself when encountering such a beautiful product of mother nature. 
The thought of Johnny’s party evaporates from both of your minds as you find yourself mirroring Jaehyun’s position. 
After a few minutes of stillness, he looks at you with the very stars from the sky in his eyes.
“Can we stay here for a bit?”
He beams at your “of course” before hoisting himself onto the cool hood of his Mustang and offering a hand out for you to grab. Pulling you up onto the spot beside him with a huff, he pulls your wrist to shift your body closer to his before smiling contently to himself. 
You try not to let your mind spiral at his warm touch, instead focusing your attention on the blanket of constellations that greet you from the inky stretch of night sky. The cold metal of the hood cools your burning skin as your legs stretch out in front of you, skin ghastly as your arms support your weight from behind you.
When he hears your faint intake of breath, Jaehyun allows his eyes to leave the pretty view above him to the pretty view beside him for a few seconds, letting them linger on your side profile as you stare up in awe. They fall from the slope of your nose to the open curve of your lips, circling around your neck and raking over the ornate gems decorating your skin. You’re breathtaking in 1001 ways, and it’s such a pressing realization that he blinks away in shock when your gaze suddenly meets his. 
“Do you do this often?”
“When I need to get away for a bit. All of my best ideas come to me at night, I think. There’s just something about darkness and non-artificial light which is curiously inspiring.”
You nod, leaning back on the windshield and resting your head against its glass. Nighttime lets you think in the abstract, where the shadows don’t take shape and remind you to think in a direct and methodical way. 
“I get that,” you empathize. “After Taeyong left, I used to climb onto my roof after dark and just sit there alone for hours. I wouldn’t know how much time had passed until I got back into my room, and to be honest, that was my favorite time of the day. It took my mind off things, even if it was only for a few hours.”
“You know, Yong and I used to do that when we were younger. You were too little to remember I think, but we’d go up after your parents fell asleep and throw basketballs down the side of your house to see how far they would bounce up… we probably hit your window too a few times. Only a few.”
“That was you?” you jut, incredulous.
“Oh, so she does remember,” Jaehyun laughs under his breath, playfully avoiding eye contact when you scoff at your brother and his' antics. “Anyway, I wanna go up there again someday.”
“Our roof? I’ll bring you.”
Jaehyun turns to face you.
“Promise? I’m counting on it, Lee.”
You don’t hide your bashful smile this time, looking away when the boy flashes his dimples at you. Your insides flood with warmth as you secretly bring the back of your hand up to feel your cheek, scared of its betrayal of your feelings. 
Jaehyun sighs, content, after a few moments, his neck lolling at the joint to stargaze once again. He feels entirely relaxed at this moment; there’s nothing that Mother Nature can’t fix. 
“History revolved around looking at the stars and just talking, you know? I wish I could stay here forever and never grow up.” 
You tilt your head curiously.
“Why, you don’t like being an adult?”
“Not that,” he shakes his head. “It’s more of, I pretend to be collected and mature and all-knowing, but the feeling of having no control over life magnifies as I get older. My head and heart haven’t grown up fast enough to catch up.”
“Jaehyun.”
“Hm?”
“You don’t ever have to pretend. It’s… it’s okay to not know what you’re doing or what the future looks like, and it’s okay to let yourself go at times too. Being an adult doesn’t mean always knowing the right things to do or figuring out every little detail right now,” your words stumble a bit as they spill out, but he seems to catch onto every word perfectly. “I’m scared too, so it’s kinda ironic that I’m giving you this advice when I can’t follow it myself.”
“We can trade words of wisdom,” Jaehyun offers more lightheartedly. “It’s so much easier to give advice to other people than to yourself.” You can’t think of a better way to phrase it than that. 
“And I think simply moving forward with what you can muster is the best we can do,” you add on. Jaehyun just stares at you as you talk, chin in his palm as he takes in your advice with sincerity. “Things will just come and go naturally as we go on.”
“You’re right. Time tells, Y/N. And frankly, you’re so much more mature than me.”
“Me?” You frown, surprised at the fact that he thinks you are. “That’s so strange to hear, because I feel like I’ll never be independent in the way that you and Tae are. Even though we’re not that far apart in age, I’ve always thought you guys were from a different galaxy, like fear wasn’t a word in your dictionary and maturity has always just come naturally.”
“It’s all in the way we carry ourselves, but maturity itself doesn’t come from this,” Jaehyun waves his hand around to outline your body in an imaginary circle, “but from this.” You watch as he taps a purposeful finger against your temple. “And you have more of it than anyone my age. You have a mind that people would die for, and I think that’s something to be very proud of.”
The wind whistles soundly as the two of you take in the world with new perspectives, sitting up a little straighter and legs just barely touching as he moves closer without even noticing. You don’t say anything for a while, and you don’t need to. He recognizes how you need a few minutes to let his words soak in, and that’s what makes you so you. Jaehyun knows you won’t just take his words on a whim and forget them ten minutes later; you’re the kind of person that internalizes everything he says with genuine feeling and gratefulness, and that quality is what makes you, in his opinion, celestial. 
“You always know just what to say,” you finally whisper, and he almost doesn’t catch it.
You receive no reply except for the most adoring look in his eyes as he smiles fondly at you. The breeze blows wisps of your hair around your face, and Jaehyun can’t help it when he reaches out to tuck a stray strand behind your ear. His fingers linger — longingly, if you dare say — before he makes himself pull away.
You’re scared to let yourself believe that you might have a chance this time; everything floods back and hits your heart at full power, and you think that your newfound connection you’ve found with the boy over this summer has trumped all of your past memories. Your feelings are fragile, and the way he looks at you is terrifying. He makes your heart race violently; your feelings from when you were fifteen don’t even compare.
“It’s too chilly for a summer month,” he speaks up suddenly, rubbing his arms and trying to lighten the mood. You shake your mind out of its storm of complicated emotions before offering a small smile back.
“Always speaking the truth, aren’t you?” You tease, playing with the hem of your short dress. Jaehyun makes a noise of agreement before a boyish grin stretches across his face. 
“Yeah, which is why Leonardo DiCaprio is not—”
“—UH,” You stop him mid sentence, shushing him. “Let’s not finish that sentence.”
“—peak acting which is why—”
“La la la lala,” you sing, covering your ears with your hands childishly and squinting so that you don’t have to see Jaehyun raising an eyebrow at you, amused. “I can’t hear youu.”
“I take back the part about you being more mature than me.” Only one boy is capable of making your moods flip like this, and he’s sitting right next to you as your laughs ring out in tandem through the night. 
Eventually, after a few more back-and-forths under the dark sky, Jaehyun takes it upon himself to teach you some astronomical terms. You doubt you’ll remember them, but he promises he’ll make it easy for you to hold in your mental library.
“You need to be prepared,” he stresses, “if you’re gonna come with me next time.”
“Next time… stargazing?”
“Yup,” he answers matter-of-factly. “Let’s see… there’s a triangle of importance in my opinion. The true triune, holy grail of astronomy.”
You watch him sink into his element, musing upon the milky way above.
“Stars,” he air-traces the Orion constellation slowly. “Moons,” he continues, moving his arm in front of you to point at the claw of the silver crescent moon. Jaehyun lets his hand fall, the tip of his finger grazing your skin in the slightest as it hovers in front of your heart. “And celestial bodies.” 
You mentally prepare yourself to get an earful from Chaewon as the drive up to Johnny’s resumes…
…two hours late.
In your defense, it wasn’t completely your fault. Jaehyun says you can blame it on him when she throws her fit at you being late — and boy, do you know she will — but you also know that when you recount what happened to cause your tardiness, she’ll excuse it. Partially. Maybe even throw in a sushi dinner and smoke sesh, then all of your sins would be forgiven in her book.
You try to distract yourself from Jaehyun’s sweet actions just a few minutes earlier by thinking about where you might find Chaewon and Mark when you get there; maybe the drink-stocked kitchen, where Mark will surely be… or outside, where people like Chaewon usually go with their ziploc bags and scratched-up lighters.
Where would Jaehyun go?
You groan inwardly when you catch your brain drifting to the idea of the man next to you once again, said man driving with a dopey expression on his face as Johnny’s estate comes into full view. You can’t tell if it’s because of a well-needed down-time with the stars (and time with you, if you dare to think optimistically) or because it looks like there’s strobe lights flashing out of every window of the ground floor—
“—holy shit, they really went all out,” Jaehyun gapes, hands slacking on the steering wheel as you both take in the scene before you. “Johnny’s fucking insane. Maybe even like, should-be-checked-into-a-facility insane.”
Your eyes widen as the building unfurls itself before you, a mansion so grand that it’s comparable to Gatsby’s in every way. It’s got a certain vintage charm to it, something you assume Johnny’s parents built in homage to their roots with veiny, marbled stairs and towering Roman columns. The chaos that’s happening in and around the home itself, however, is a different story. You can see the drunk bodies already as they move around to invisible music, and waves of people climb spiral staircases up to the upper levels as they fumble drinks around. Silhouettes of the party-goers are littered across the vast, arched windows, stone trims decorating their sills with impeccable detail; the estate is truly a needle that shines brilliantly in a haystack of country homes, the nearest house being a whole 20 minute drive away. You’d been to his countryside home only once with Taeyong when you were younger, but seeing it in all its glory during the nighttime is a whole different experience.
“Nah,” you grin when he puts the car into park behind a train of assorted automobiles that cover the driveway. “He's that special kind of chaebol-insane. I propose not eating the rich, because what would the world be without Johnny Suh.”
Jaehyun simply chuckles lightly before getting out of the car and walking around to your side, opening the door before helping you out. You’d be lying if you said that the butterflies in your stomach didn’t just seize at his actions.
But nothing good lasts forever.
Just as soon as the butterflies come, they die off when you notice the immediate, uncanny switch in Jaehyun’s disposition.
You’re not sure if it’s the deafening bass-boosted music flooding into the air or the multitude of bodies in front of the house alone as the two of you approach the open door, but he seems to be pushed into a different element the closer you get. You recognize it as the one that you’d only heard of in high school, the one who frequented house parties on school nights with your brother, the one who shone in a room full of people, the infamous heartbreaker Jaehyun.
You can see the shift in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate slowly as they gain that undeniable gleam. You can feel his muscles lose a tension you didn’t even know was there, especially when he swings his arm around your shoulders casually, letting his hand rest against your collarbone. You can hear the calls of his wicked name already from both females and males alike, their shouts pulling him away from you as multiple people are drawn to him right away.
You recognize a few of them, hometown names that make their presence known as they clap Jaehyun on the back and reach out for intoxicated hugs. It’s also now that you realize the sheer amount that the boy you practically grew up with — the very one who spent his school day afternoons playing in your living room — changes when with other people. His popularity was never a mystery to you, but seeing it in person like this… he acts like he’s finally at home. A true socialite who flourishes when surrounded by people.
And you would never hold that against anyone, except until—
“Hey, Y/N, I’ll catch up with you later, okay? Promise.”
Ah.
His voice rings out flippant and unfamiliar, arm slipping from your shoulders like deadweight, and his fingers don’t linger on your skin longingly this time. Without looking back, he’s swept away by a myriad of high school friends as they drag him off to only God knows where. They hand him drinks and jostle around with each other between heated bodies, his silver rings glinting under the lights as he throws his head back for a bitter shot.
You watch as their forms retreat into the depths of the party until the shadows swallow him up and your eyes can’t follow him anymore. 
Left to hover awkwardly by yourself at the door of Johnny’s house with no drink in hand and a bewildered twist in your expression, suddenly, all the moments that have led up to now feel like a fever dream. Everything just happened so fast. One minute he’s next to you, and you’re sure you’ve fallen again. Hard. And the next moment he’s gone with the wind, like a figment of a dream flickering in and out of consciousness. Sure, you hadn’t expected to spend the whole night with him, but you thought that after your many little talks he would want to stay with you a little longer than three seconds.
At least he promised to find you later, but you’re still left feeling unsure about where you stand with him in contrast to the bubbling feeling of affection you had felt earlier in the night. The way he acts is giving you emotional whiplash.
I have to find Chaewon and Mark, you think to yourself suddenly, trying to shake your head of Jaehyun-related thoughts. The way he’s plagued your thoughts far too many times these past few months terrifies you, and it feels like you’ve lost your mind for real this time. You’re charged with a new determination to not think about the boy until he comes back to you himself. It’s not worth ruining your night over maybe’s.
Weaving through sweaty figures and waving instinctually at the people who happen to recognize you, you find yourself in a sort of trance as you strain to catch a glimpse of one of your friends. The bass-boosted music fills your ears with a heavy buzz as you make your way through what feels like hundreds of people.
A cold hand abruptly reaches out to grasp your wrist when you approach the closed off kitchen, causing you to cautiously glance back at its owner with your other arm ready to push them off.
“Babe, what are you doing here all alone?”
You jump slightly before giving him a childish slap on his arm as a grinning Mark reaches out to embrace you, and the strong smell of twisted tea pungent on his breath. His hand comes up to tuck your head into his neck familiarly, an old habit from when you were young that tends to come out in his drunk endeavors.
“You scared me,” you mumble into his shirt, voice muffled by the fabric. “I was trying to find you, but there’s literally thirty million people in this damn house.”
Feigning hurt, Mark pulls away to put a hand to his heart. “You can’t recognize me from a house away?” His sarcasm makes you squint at him, your hand reaching out to tug him along with you.
“No, Mark. I actually can’t recognize you from a house away,” you bite back, mumbling an extra, “surprisingly too, because I could probably hear your loud-ass laugh from another country if I really wanted to.”
“Literally shut up.”
“Never. Come find Chaewon with me?”
“I-” Mark sighs, giving in to your pleading eyes. What can he say, he has a self-destructive soft spot for his best friend. “Fine. But only if you get her to play one of the drinking games with me, ‘cause you never want to,” he tsks. You offer him an innocent smile before turning towards the back balcony. Gripping Mark’s arm tightly as the two of you make your way through clusters of people, you glance back every so often to make sure he’s still with you. You don’t want to be left alone again.
Again. Like Jaehyun just did when he said he wanted to spend time with me…
He seems to sense your uneasiness when you pause for a moment to look down, the fluorescent lights that lead to the back glass doors making your eyes sting as your fingers tighten their grip on his wrist. 
“Hey hey hey,” the boy pauses to move in front of you with worry creasing his brows. “You good?”
You blink away from him, mumbling an unsure “yeah,” before clearing your throat. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just got dizzy for a sec.”
Mark puts his hands on your shoulders carefully, eyes scanning the way your face looks more apprehensive than usual and your head isn’t held just as high as the Y/N he knows would. He’s had almost his entire life to study your moods and the rises and falls of your expressions, and he knows that something heavy is bothering you to the point where you’re letting him see it bleed through your normal, carefree facade. It’s something serious, and he also knows you’re not gonna tell him until you’re ready.
So for now, he simply smooths down any invisible tensions in your arms and straightens your posture for you like he would in your younger school days, gentle and nimble fingers adjusting the straps of your dress like a parent figure would. 
“I like this number on you. You should wear it more often.” 
“Thank you,” you smile gratefully at him, forcing your feet to move forward once again. It's not unusual for Mark to compliment you, but it feels particularly comforting tonight after so much of your confidence in yourself has been built up and torn down in a matter of hours.
You don’t let your gaze take in anyone except a potential Chaewon as the two of you finally make it outside, scared of potentially seeing someone you don’t want to see. Out of the corner of your eye, Mark gestures animatedly to the lit up garden, far fewer people mingling in its flowering, winding paths than inside. 
“Oh! Chaewon’s right there,” he pushes you lightly in her direction, a poised figure leaning, relaxed, on one of the ivy-slinked marble balconies. “I’m not gonna go far, but I’ll get some drinks from the kitchen for us and be right back, okay? I won’t leave you guys for long.” You’re silent for a moment.
“I’m sorry.” 
“Why are you sorry, Y/N? You’ve done nothing wrong, but whoever or whatever’s bothering you should feel ashamed for making you apologize for nothing,” he chastises immediately, indignant towards the fact he has an inkling of who’s made you feel this way. It pains him to see his best friend hurt silently.
You nod before he gives you one last pat and nudges you in the direction of Chaewon. She turns on her heel just as Mark leaves, face lighting up when she spots your form heading in her direction.
“Took you long enough!” She calls out over with a hand reaching out for you, her other occupied by a flute of some mysterious fizzy liquid. “I’ve been waiting so that we can try the colorful shots in Johnny’s fridge together. I know you secretly like those.”
You snap yourself out of your thoughts before managing a grateful smile as she pulls you into a side hug. “Sorry, the uh… drive took longer than anticipated,” you mumble, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. 
“Who’d you come with again? I feel so bad that we couldn’t pick you up, but the setup literally took the living energy out of me.”
You bite your lip nervously, eyes flicking to the night sky in reassurance.
“I came with— I came with Jaehyun,” you spit out quietly, already predicting her reaction in your head. 
“Damn, for real? I told your brother to call one of your other friends, but this is so much better. Did you guys get time to talk or what?” Chaewon lifts her drink to her lips as she waits with wide eyes, anticipating an answer that you know you can’t give her. If anyone has always rooted for the possibility of him liking you back, it’s her. 
“I don’t know,” you finally whisper, giving up as you tug your fingers through your hair. “It’s just… he’s a confusing person. Like yeah, we talked, but I can’t figure him out at all. He goes back and forth from being the closest I’ve ever felt to a boy to an almost distant stranger in a matter of seconds.”
Your friend’s face falls at your words, clearly noting how much you’re beginning to get stressed out over him. It kills her to see anything but a smile on your face, and the fact that it’s because of someone who you’ve pined over for so long is detrimental to watch. 
“Y/N…” 
“It’s fine. I’m making a big deal out of nothing, probably.” Your voice cracks slightly in the middle of the sentence, but you mask it with a quiet laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a real chance with him to begin with, so try not to expect much.” Chaewon’s bitter smile reflects her inner confliction as she reaches out to take your hand in hers.
“Stop, don’t think like that,” she mutters. 
“But don’t worry, there’s still,” you whisper, putting your pointer finger and thumb up to approximate the size of the tiny moon in the sky above you, “a little hope. There’s always been.”
You nod to yourself, almost like a subtle reassurance. You’ve always had faith and confidence in your own feelings, and a little hope has never killed you. If anything, it’s brought you closer to Jaehyun than you’ve ever been, and getting to know him in ways that you were never able to has been a silver lining in itself. Just maybe… deep down, not in the way you know you wish you had.
“I love how you’re always been so sure of what you want,” Chaewon confesses. It’s both a blessing and a curse. “But tonight’s about having fun, okay? No use wasting time on a boy that can’t get his own shit straight.”
With a giggle, she pulls you towards the house once again. “I want to see you get wasted. His name is not allowed as far as I’m concerned.”
“Jaehyun’s name…?” 
“Who?”
You shake your head with a smile as she feigns confusion with an innocent expression. I don’t deserve my friends, you think to yourself, heart warming at how much they try to make you feel better.
“Come on, Y/N. Look around at all the people,” she laughs out in the tone of a true socialite as she tugs you towards where most of the partygoers are congregated, littered across every corner with their short dresses and sweaty skin. Noticing that your mouth is still tinged with a hint of apprehensiveness, she stops in her tracks and turns to you. “You’re telling me that you’re gonna let him do this to you? This night is for us, not waiting for a stupid boy that’s had the chance of a decade to love on you, pretty girl.”
She fiddles with your dress and smoothing down its invisible wrinkles as you nod along with her, mind willing itself to focus on yourself and your friends instead of—
Right. He doesn’t exist right now.
“And you look so good right now that anyone would be stupid not to feel lucky for having your attention,” she affirms, shiny hair tumbling under fluorescent lights as she beams at you. You can’t help but wrap your arms around her, the comfort of her mere presence and consoling words making your heart burn. 
“Love you, Chae. I think we should just date instead,” you mumble into her shoulder, her signature, bright laughter ringing out at your words. 
Her eyes brighten even more when she spots Mark appearing back behind you with entire bottles of liquor in his hands.
“Where the hell did you get those, my god,” she ooh and aah’s at him as your face lights up at the appearance of the boy.
“Johnny’s hidden stash in one of the guest bedrooms. He thinks he’s slick,” he snorts, putting a finger up in a shushing motion when Chaewon gasps dramatically. When you giggle at your best friend’s antics, he turns to look at you with a hint of worry on his face. 
You seem to have cheered up a bit since he left you to get drinks, but he also knows how good at hiding your true feelings you are. From poker faces to fake laughs, you’ve got it all under your belt. He just wishes you would just let go sometimes, but it’s understandable when he thinks about you as a person. It’s simply in your nature to be selfless, and ever since the two of you were young, you’ve never been one to bother anyone with your own worries. No wonder he’s worried as you crinkle your eyes in elation at him, a complete 180 from five minutes ago.
Glancing at Chaewon, she nods at him discreetly, seemingly having a conversation with just their eyes. You’re okay now.
Letting out a short breath of relief, Mark loops his arm with yours before pulling you into the lion’s den of a party haven. 
“Let’s get fucked up, hmm?”
You don’t know how much time has passed as you trudge through the garden with your heels in one hand, Chaewon’s fingers laced with yours in the other. 
You’re sure it’s been at least three hours since you arrived. No, two. Maybe four?
To be honest, time isn’t even a concept in your book as you swing your arm with your friend’s, a drunken-dopey smile on your face as you relish the feeling of the dirt and grass against your bare skin. 
Maybe you would’ve known when Mark had handed you the first shot, eyes flicking absentmindedly to the mounted clock in Johnny’s spacious living room — but you hadn’t cared enough then to figure out the numbers and read the time properly. In fact, you don’t think you were even thinking about anything except getting a bit of alcohol in your system. Forgetting was the first thing on your mind.
And boy, did everything spiral from there.
You recall vague bits here and there, from getting too close with familiar faces to being handed funky glasses with sparkly liquids. It was all a blur of overdue laughter and shots after shots, and you have to admit, completely letting loose for the first time in a while felt numbing in the most beautiful way.
You remember Mark drunkenly laying his head down in your lap at one point, tapping the hard liquor in your solo cup and mumbling a happy, “water fountain?” up at you. You weren’t seeing double just yet, but you certainly weren’t thinking straight enough either to comprehend his words fully. So, with absolutely no hesitation and a tipsy giggle, you poured the rest of the contents in your cup into his open mouth as carefully as you could (read: not careful at all). He had sat up with a cheeky smile, wiping the surprisingly dark, bloodred liquid from his bottom lip before it dribbled down and stained his skin.
Everything after that moment felt muggy, like a heavy blanket was wrapped around your head and knotted twice around your neck. You suppose that the alcohol added up at some point, pushing you past the point of clarity.
And suddenly now, you’re here. In the grass with Chaewon, doing only God knows what in a freezing night chill with your short dress and absence of a cozy summer jacket. You don’t even know how you got outside in the first place.
The cold air is good for you, however, as you can feel the blurriness start to fade away bit by bit. You’re not stumbling around as much anymore, but your grip on your friend’s hand is as tight as ever as you make your way through pretty flower bushes and onto a stone path.
“Oh no, someone dropped their phone,” Chaewon laments with exaggerated sadness — no doubt the alcohol talking — before leaning down to pick up the shiny device. Dusting it off with her fingers, she traces a frowny face into its glass, causing it to suddenly turn on.
“Jesus,” you squint into its blinding screen, mentally cursing the person who had the brightness turned all the way up and causing tiny white dots to appear in your vision. “What time is it?”
“You have eyes, look yourself,” Chaewon turns her head towards you dramatically, words slightly slurred as she throws you an unimpressed look. “But it’s 2:43 am. I can’t believe we’re still conscious.”
You groan, rubbing lightly at your eye before she’s talking again, swaying slightly as she speaks. Letting your gaze wander, you let yourself linger on the few people either passed out on messy lawn chairs or calling their friends for late night rides. Some are standing around like you and Chae, heads hanging down and clearly not in their best condition. There’s people with their arms thrown over the shoulders of their friends too, providing obvious support for their less coherent counterparts.
A couple half hidden behind the edge of the balcony catches your eye, your muggy mind inwardly gushing at how cute they are. You want a relationship like that. Their figures are hidden by the shadows of the house, but you can still see how the boy holds her forearm with care as he leans against the stones with her, head tilted impossibly close to the girl’s to display his full attention on whatever she’s telling him through her hushed whispers. 
“—it’s okay ‘cause we’re sleeping over at Johnny’s tonight anyway. And, he has like a thousand guest bedrooms so we can choose any one of them—”
The couple lean into the wall more, the light repositioning as they shift their bodies closer, obviously very comfortable with each other. The girl moves further into the light, shiny hair catching onto the glow as she turns in place. He chases her movements, following her into the beam of the balcony lights as their faces are lit up under the sudden absence of shade.
You breathe out.
No way.
“—and I’ve always wanted to stay at Johnny’s and experience that rich kid life, you know? I wonder what it’s like to—”
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
You think that your heartbeat physically stops as you take in the scene before you. Like a thin arrow slicing right through the flesh and tissue of your heart, and it’s violently humbling. Bruising, even.
Stop.
There’s Saemi. And there’s Jeong Jaehyun too in all his glory, looking at her with the stars glittering in his eyes as she tilts her head up towards him.
Your mind goes blank.
“Hey, Y/N, I’ll catch up with you later, okay? Promise.”
That was what, four hours ago?
Ha.
You sober up immediately, like your head has just just been ruthlessly plunged into a bucket of ice cold water. Like God himself is telling you to face the fucking music and come back down to reality. And if you concentrate hard enough, you can even hear your soul shattering, its pieces clattering down and settling at the bottom of your stomach because you actually feel like you might throw up.
I should’ve known, is the phrase that repeats like a mantra in your head, manically getting louder and louder as you blink in pain. Your eyes refuse to leave them for some reason, watching the way his hand comes up to rest on the junction between her neck and shoulder with a delicate touch.
A bitter taste floods your mouth. You feel like you’re playing a one-sided game of push and pull, and it’s worn you out; it’s not disappointment, or even jealousy that fills your body, but fatigue. It’s tiring to let yourself hope, and then get let down time after time and you feel stupid. Disgusted at yourself, even, for attempting to appeal to a boy who had never given you the time of day in the past even though everyone was aware of how blatantly obvious your crush on him was.
You’ve always prided yourself on how true to your own character you are, but in this moment, you feel like a child watching real adults in the real world. Two years' age difference isn’t much in retrospect, but at this moment, Lim Saemi seems like a whole generation above you. Her maturity shines through every part of her — from her gait to the way she dresses to the way she leans into Jaehyun — and you can’t help but let your worst insecurity get to you as they get impossibly closer.
It hurts, because he’s not even mine.
“Y/N, are you listening?”
You don’t answer.
And when the soft plush of his lips come down to place a gentle kiss against her forehead, you decide that you’ve seen enough.
Your mouth feels like paper, your head feels like it’s about to split open, and you feel like shit.
Blearily blinking one eye open and then immediately shutting it after getting a glimpse of an unfamiliar ceiling, you groan out loud before stuffing your face into your arm.
Somehow, the little bit of willpower left in you forces your body to get off of the bed you’re on, stumble through the darkness (you think you accidentally trip over a stray body on the ground too), and feel your way to the hallway. Your brain has completely shut off, but you’re also fucking parched and nothing will get in the way of you and water right now.
Your feet miraculously lead you to the empty expanse of Johnny’s kitchen, little sunlight reaching its pristine tiles at such an early hour. Glancing at the red clock numbers on the oven, you blanch when it displays a mocking 6:04am. You’re lucky that your hangovers don’t hit too hard. Pouring yourself a glass of water, you can finally swallow and lean back against the counter in relief as you take a deep breath.
And that’s when it hits you. That’s when everything hits you.
You almost choke on your water as your mind pulls last night from the depths of its sleepiness, from the drinking to the unwanted feelings to the sensation of blacking out. You remember it all.
Taeyong taking a body shot in front of you (scarred). Johnny making out with one of your close school friends in front of you (scarred x2). Mark handing you drink after drink. Chaewon leading you into the garden for fresh air. And… and seeing the boy you like with a girl you thought he had nothing to do with anymore.
Like a floodgate of torturous memories, your mind automatically replays every little interaction without warning as you throw your head back against a cabinet in regret. It’s as if you have no control over what you get reminded of and what you don’t, because of course, the first thing that flashes before you is the feeling you felt when you saw Jeong Jaehyun in the courtyard. 
His arm wrapped around the shoulder of Saemi’s as your best friend desperately vied for your attention, the girl finally following your line of sight to eventually see the scene you were watching in chilling silence. And Chaewon had noticed it all, from the way he smiled down at her to the very moment he looked up in your direction.
“Y/N…” she had whispered, the pity clear in her tone. You’d turned your head away quickly, not wanting her to see the tears gathering on your lash-line, but she couldn’t help but notice the way you reached up to wipe them away. Your body had gone into autodrive, quickly moving to the side to get away from the two as fast as you could. Chaewon reached out for you before turning back to glare at Jaehyun, surprised to see him already staring right at you.
He seemed unfairly distraught and guilty in her eyes, his gaze conflicted as his hands fell from Saemi’s face in a flash and hovered in the air in shock. A few seconds later and he snapped out of it, leaving her standing alone and rushing over in your direction, seemingly trying to reach you before you got lost in the mass of people inside the mansion. 
As he passed Chaewon’s lingering form, her hand flew out to latch onto his shoulder. 
Shaking her head at him — as if saying, you lost your chance ages ago — it was then that she truly felt awful about the inner turmoil her best friend was constantly subjected to when liking a boy like that. 
Wincing, you press a cheek to the cold marble countertop of the kitchen as all of your thoughts flitter through your consciousness at once. You wish the dull throbbing in your head would stop, and even thinking about it makes you shift uncomfortably in place, itching to just get outside and clear your mind with fresh air.
Fuck it, you decide, no one’s awake anyway. I need to get away, even if it's only for a few moments.
Pushing your hair out of your face, you finish your water before heading out. There’s an unusual smell of artificial roses as you move through the hallways and descend the grand staircase; it’s eerie to walk in a silent house, all of the hallways dark and stoic. Johnny’s mansion looks like a mini natural disaster with the way decorations and bottles are strewn across its marble floors, almost like savages making use of a castle. It’s like a presentation of physical evidence of what took place last night.
Finally making it outside into the crisp morning air, you relish in the chirping of the songbirds and empty expanse of a dew-tipped garden. Taking a deep breath, you shiver slightly before heading down a small hill behind the garden. You recall there being a lake behind the property that Taeyong and Johnny used to bring you to when you were younger, one with a small dock that retreated far enough into the water that you could be alone without having the urge to constantly look towards the house again.
You don’t expect anyone to be awake — or even outside — this early, but it comes as a surprise when you almost trip over a figure sitting on the bottom-most stone step. Putting a hand to your heart, your eyes widen as they turn to look up at you.
“Oh… hi. I didn’t expect anyone would be awake this early.”
“Yeah, I just needed some fresh air,” you say, nervously playing with the hem of your shirt. “So I’m going down to the dock…”
“Ah. I see… um. You- you wouldn’t mind if I joined you, right?”
Life is funny sometimes.
As you swing your legs gently above the light waves, you can’t help but think about the irony of the situation you’re in. You bite your lip before turning to the person next to you, their knees pulled up to their chest as they stare out into the water. 
“Saemi…”
The girl turns to you, a hesitant smile on her face as she reaches out for your hand.
Lim Saemi takes your fingers between hers before letting out a deep sigh, the talkative persona she normally holds, gone, as she looks between each of your eyes. The hesitance between the two of you is awkward in a way. You’ve never had a full conversation with her and you’ve always assumed things about her based off of others’ recountings, but she couldn’t be more different now. 
The little imaginary devil on your shoulder shakes her pitchfork at you, as if saying, “you should be hating her, remember?” 
You look down to hide your slight frown.
“I think we have a lot to talk about,” she starts, voice tentative and slow as she purses her lips in contemplation. You still. Nodding your head, you let her move closer to you on the wooden planks of the dock before she makes eye contact with you again.
“You know, sometimes it scares me how alike you and Taeyong look. It’s like staring into a mirror image, and I feel like I see memories in you that I associate with your brother.” 
You cock your head at her words. “...we’re pretty similar people too, I think,” you whisper back, an automatic smile reaching your face as your mind finds its own way to him.
“I think so too,” she grins. “Actually, Taeyong and I have been friends for a long time, and he’s always speaked of you so fondly that I couldn’t help but anticipate meeting you. I would see glimpses of you here and there, and he would constantly mention his baby sister and how much he worried about her. He was the best older brother, and anyone could see it.” She pauses, taking in a deep breath. “Yet he treats his friends the very same way, with the same adoration and care. It doesn’t matter how much Taeyong will grow in the future with his escalating popularity and growing talent in music, he’ll always have the kindest soul in my eyes. I’m genuinely so thankful for him, Y/N.”
To hear someone speak about your brother like that triggers an emotion in you that you didn’t even know you had, gaze curious as you wait for her to continue.
“I don’t really know how to start this conversation to be honest, but- I bet you know how hard high school is.” You nod, grimacing at all of the particular more negative memories you have. “You’re balancing on that fine line between feeling too adult to be in school and feeling too childish to live your own life yet, and I, for one, most definitely didn’t know how to deal with such a sudden change in my social and academic surroundings. I think I changed physically a lot then, too. My face, my body, everything. I started morphing into someone that I couldn’t recognize in the mirror, and I came to the realization that boys liked me first for my appearance, not my personality. And… and you know what I regret the most? I learned how to use my body as a weapon.”
“I learned how to change the way I talk, how to talk to boys so that I could get them to do what I want, and suddenly, everything changed even faster. People flocked to me, which is what I had always secretly wanted, but the person that they wanted wasn’t me. I had flown a bit too close to the sun and now I was stuck with this facade that I couldn’t get rid of. It was never just ‘Saemi,’ I was always simply the object of their desires, something to be acquired. And I had brought it upon myself.”
Recalling the Saemi you knew and recognized in high school, you have a bit more of an understanding of her now. She held up a front in order to protect herself, and as a result, she lost touch with her own self. Your heart hurts for her as you hesitate to reach out and offer comfort. 
“Your brother was the first one who understood me right away. We met in detention during our second to last year, and he saw right through me in the first ten minutes. Sat me down in the teacher’s empty chair and told me that I was a bitch for breaking one of his friend’s hearts.” She closes her eyes as she recalls that very afternoon. “Taeyong gave it to me plain and straight that day: I shouldn’t have promised false love to so many boys if I wasn’t planning to give it in the first place. Your brother may have been a player too, but the boundaries he always set with his girls made him a thousand times better than I was.”
You place your hand on hers, Saemi giving you a grateful smile in return. 
“I thought hard about myself and my decisions after that, and I decided that if I wanted to enjoy the last years of my secondary schooling, I needed to take back control of my own actions. After I apologized to his friend, he offered me genuine friendship in the weeks following, one without the jealousy and lust that I was always caught up in before. I had always been surrounded with so much toxicity, and he was able to pull me out of it so easily that I finally felt seen for the first time.” 
She pauses, glancing at you briefly before staring up at the sky. 
“That was also… the first time I met Jaehyun.”
You shift, staring down at your shoe laces as they sway lightly with the wind. 
Ah, you smile sadly to yourself. We’ve gotten to this part of the story.
“Your brother brought me along with him one day to one of his parties, and I had truly never been enamored with a boy that quickly before.”
You can tell that Saemi’s choosing her words carefully with you, and they hit a lot harder when you relate to what she’s saying. You’re certainly no stranger to his charm.
“We started talking that night and Jaehyun had somehow broken down all of the walls I had carefully built up within the first month of knowing each other. It was new for me. My personal mantra had always followed the lines of, ‘if they like what they see and feel, I might as well use it to my advantage.’ But it was different with him. I didn’t want us to be a one time thing, and I certainly did not want him to think of me as something who couldn’t do that kind of serious relationship shit. I wanted him to like me so badly without thinking about if I had genuine feelings towards him in the first place.”
She takes another deep breath, as if she’s collecting her thoughts, before leaning forward with an airy laugh and sadness clear in her eyes. 
“Have you ever mistaken love for dependency, Y/N?” 
Have you? 
You think back to all the people you’ve liked throughout your teenage years, ranging from hallway crushes to… well- Jaehyun. Your pupils dart to the water as you think about the idea of depending on a person. Do I depend on the people I like, or do I know when to distance myself?
You shake your head. 
“Jaehyun and I… we jumped into everything too quickly. It wasn’t even a right person, wrong time situation; we simply weren’t ready. We tried putting our all into this lone spark that we felt without stepping back and really looking at our relationship.” She stops to observe the rising sun above the lake, its golden reflection casting a healthy glow on her skin. Saemi’s beautiful like this, her feelings bare and raw before you as she lays out her emotions so vulnerably. 
“I guess I never really loved Jaehyun in the way he loved me. He was looking for something tender and real, and younger me was not in the capacity to give that to him. I tried to convince myself every single fucking day that I liked him in that way, but even I knew deep down that my I would never convince myself. I still had this lingering, detrimental mentality of seeing boys as something I could win over, and my fascination with him intertwined with that in ugly ways.”
Saemi’s face falls a little before she takes both of your hands in hers, eyes sincere as she peers at you. 
“The reason I’m telling you all this is because… I saw you,” she whispers carefully, watching your reaction. “Last night. When Jaehyun and I were together in the garden… I saw you watching before you walked away.”
Your heart drops as you look down at her hands holding yours so carefully, her pretty fingers encompassing your wrist as you unwillingly recall the worst emotions you had felt in a while. 
She saw. 
You only manage to get out a small, “oh,” before she squeezes your hand reassuringly. 
“Hey hey hey, look at me,” she leans down slightly to put herself at eye level with you. The edges of her lips quirk up in the slightest, her hair falling elegantly against her face as the wind picks it up and puts it back down again. “I don’t want you to misunderstand. Why? Because all those years ago, Jaehyun misunderstood, and I misunderstood, and it was all of these assumptions and forced feelings that drove our relationship to its grave. We were shit at communicating with each other properly, and that eventually hurt both of us too deeply to heal the right way.”
You nod at her hesitantly, taking in what she’s saying with a newfound understanding. Saemi sighs before smiling again at you. 
“I’ve hurt a lot of people in the past,” she says, forlorn, her eyes crinkled as she sniffs in the cold of the morning. “And I never got the chance to apologize to them properly. But last night, I finally worked up the confidence to revisit our high school days with Jaehyun.” She stops, leaning back onto the dock with her hands behind her. Her eyes close as she soaks in the morning sun, and you can’t help but mirror the position as your heart warms for her. “We finally got our much needed closure last night, and I was feeling a bit down afterwards so he was simply comforting me. And I won’t weigh you down with all the nitty gritty details, but we were able to see our ending all the way through without letting our emotions get in the way.”
You can’t help but reach out and hug the girl, your arms wrapping comfortably around her shoulders to express your awe and gratitude. With a little noise of surprise, Saemi pauses for a few seconds before embracing you back. Everything makes more sense now, and you can’t help but feel a little ashamed for jumping to conclusions so easily. 
“I’m so grateful that you shared all that with me,” you mumble into her shirt, her chuckle ringing out into the lake as she rubs your back like an older sister would. 
“Of course. If anyone deserved to hear all of this, it would be you.”
“Why?”
Saemi snorts, pulling back from your hug before lifting an eyebrow at you. 
“Oh please, Y/N, you should see Jaehyun from everyone else’s eyes. We can all see the way he looks at you.” Your mouth drops open slightly, tilting your head in confusion. 
“He looks at me a certain way?”
“God, I have never met two more stupid people in my lifetime,” she groans, bringing her fingers up to her temple. “And I say this lovingly, of course.”
With a fond look on her face, she nudges your shoulder. “But I’m really glad Jaehyun has someone like you.”
You bashfully look down at the water, a rosy blush creeping up your cheeks at her words. You were never 100% sure of where you stood with him, but that familiar feeling of hope has started to creep up once again. Could I go through that again, though? That same push and pull?
Seeming to sense your sudden aversion, Saemi loops her arm through yours in one smooth motion and sets your hand in her lap.
“Hey. Promise me you’ll go talk to him?”
You hesitate to reply, mouth dry as you think about everything she’s poured out to you. You think about your own feelings, and you think about the possibility of having something more with Jaehyun. You think about his history with Saemi, and how this issue of communication has ruined your confidence so many times. But what is it all worth if you don’t try?
With a slow nod, you offer her a reassuring smile before dusting off your clothes and standing up. “Promise.”
Saemi grins at you.
“That’s my girl.”
“Jaehyun?” she asks, putting a hand out on his arm as he looks behind her, distressed. She’s never seen him like this, a nervous jitter in his hands as his eyes dart around at the scene behind them.
Turning around, she just manages to catch a glimpse of a girl rushing towards the back of the house, her head downturned but not masking the obvious face of discomfort in her features. Her friend turns around to glare at them before following close after.
“Fuck,” he breathes out, chewing on his lip as he hesitates to run after your escaping form. “I fucked up so bad, Saemi.” Running a hand through his hair in frustration, he lets out a noise of exasperation as he watches you get farther and farther away. 
“What?”
“She’s leaving, Saemi. What do I do, what do I do,” he mumbles under his breath. “I just know she’s gonna think I hurt her on purpose. I always fuck it up somehow.”
“Woah, let’s breathe first,” she holds him steady at the shoulders, grip strong as she turns his body to face hers. “Breathe slowly.”
After a few panicked breaths, he looks back at her and attempts to inhale at a slower pace. A few seconds pass and he’s calmed down already, but a worried crease still flits across his features nonetheless.
“Listen to me, Jaehyun. Don’t leave her in the dark.”
His body loses tension bit by bit as he nods back a little, a heavy look in his eyes.
“We both know how that feels, better than anyone.”
Twenty-three missed calls.
That’s how many you’ve accumulated over one day.
You do the math on your bedroom ceiling as you lay splayed out on the mattress like a starfish. Each glow-in-the-dark, plastic star represents a missed call, and they swim across your vision as you point up at them with your hand to count them. 
There’s seven from Mark, another seven from Chaewon, four from Taeyong, one from Johnny, and the remaining four? Mentally moving the glowing stars across the solar system of the ceiling, you pick four of the brightest glowing stars before keeping them hidden in a little group at the corner of your eye.
4 missed calls from Jeong Jaehyun, your phone reads from beside you on the mattress, the screen habitually lighting up throughout the day.
Your hand itches to grab it and just call him like you so desperately want to, but you exercise self-restraint as you roll over and stuff your face into your pillow. It’s unfairly hot tonight — the sticky, humid type —  and being surrounded by all of your fluffy blankets and pillows does nothing to help your condition, but you don’t want to move out of your room. Letting out a muffled scream into the fabric, you groan to yourself when you realize that all of the problems floating around in your head won’t just magically disappear.
A normal Sunday would have gone like this: waking up mid afternoon with an abnormally large appetite, eating the entire contents of your kitchen to your heart’s content, and then going back to bed. Unfortunately, today was a bit different.
For the entire day, you’ve been busy. Busy thinking.
You had quickly left Johnny’s estate after your talk with Saemi early in the morning, borrowing one of Johnny’s cars from his garage and leaving him a little note that you’d return it soon (to be honest, you doubt that he’ll even notice). You’ve been in your room ever since. 
With your eyes trained out the window, your record player ran through entire sets of albums as you lay on your bed in contemplation for the entirety of the afternoon. The fan in your room barely kept you cool as it picked up the fabric of your sundress every few minutes, marking another block of time that had gone by without you getting up and doing something about your position. 
You let out a humph before throwing an arm over your eyes and retreating back into deep thought.
I’ve been distancing myself from him the entire day, and that’s the opposite of what I want to do, right? I’m turning into exactly what Saemi warned me not to.
Biting your lip, you turn your body over to stare at your motionless phone. But what should I do?
In a single impulsive movement, you reach out to grab the device before you can change your mind. Your fingers lead you to your contacts before your brain can catch up.
You can’t even fully register what you’ve just done, but Jaehyun’s name flashing across your screen certainly makes it all very much real, your phone waiting for him to pick up on the other side of the line. Your face gets hotter and hotter as the seconds tick on, the beeping of a no-caller reply heightening your nerves.
Finally, with a little click from your hand, he picks up. Your eyes widen. You really didn’t really think this through; now you had to actually talk to him.
“Hey,” Jaehyun sounds out, his voice breathless. “I- are you okay?”
“Yeah.” At least I think I am, you add on to yourself, grimacing. “Um… are you free today?”
“Am- am I free today? Yes! I mean yes, yes I’m free today.” 
You can’t help but smile at the way he trips over his words a bit, his nervousness bleeding over your speaker. 
“Well then, rooftop at mine at 10?”
“For real?” Jaehyun exclaims, checking the time on his alarm clock. That’s in twenty minutes. “Wait, I’ll be there. I promise.”
And with that, the two of you hang up with a million unspoken words and unfinished sentences. You let out the breath you were holding in, because you genuinely thought you would pass out when you heard Jaehyun’s voice again after finding out all that you did. Throwing yourself against your bed, you let yourself indulge in your feeling of hope again.
“He’ll be here,” you sigh in happiness to yourself. You relax into your pillows before springing up immediately, a look of horror taking over your face. “Oh my god, he’ll be here.”
Rushing around your room with a newfound energy, you make sure you don’t look like you just rolled out of bed (although you technically did just roll out of bed, but he doesn’t have to know that) before unlatching the window of your bedroom and carefully climbing out onto your roof.
It’s well past dusk now, and the sky is abnormally clear with not a single cloud in sight. The moon shines brilliantly in its place as it casts an eerie glow on the panels you’re sitting on, their bumpy texture making it seem like the material is constantly shifting. 
You let yourself go for a moment, resting your head in the palms of your heads before staring out at the roofs of your city. They create a complex, urban terrain: a mix of timely balconies and rooftop gardens, orange lanterns and fairy lights alike. 
The beeping of a car horn brings you out of your daze. Peering down into the street below you, a familiar, classy black car is visible through all of the telephone lines. 
Okay Y/N, deep breaths. 
Jaehyun gets out of the front seat, immediately looking up in hopes of catching a glimpse of you before you notice he’s there. However, when his eyes follow the length of your house up, he finds that you’re already staring at him with an unreadable expression. 
He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this nervous in his life. With cold hands, he lifts himself onto the electrical box beside your house before climbing up onto the slope of the roof, climbing over to you with an uneasy smile on his face. 
“Hey.”
You tuck your chin into your arms, leaning forward to look at him curiously. “You could’ve taken the window, you know, but that works too.”
“What’s life without any risks, hm?”
As he settles himself, you can’t help but think that there’s a double lining to his words. “That’s the most Jaehyun-esque thing I’ve ever heard.”
His laugh warms your heart in a way you didn't know it could.
The first few moments are quiet, just two pairs of eyes looking up at the stars before Jaehyun breaks the silence with a small cough. 
“We got lucky, there’s no clouds tonight. Pure stars.” You look over in his general direction, his gaze not even directed towards the sky anymore. 
He pauses, so you turn and happen to meet eyes at the same time. Both of you open your mouths to talk, prompted by the invisible tension between you. 
“Let me just say that—“ 
“I just wanted to tell you—“ he starts at the same time you do, eyes widening when you both go quiet once again. “You go first.” Giving him a grateful smile, you think a bit about how to express yourself before twisting your body completely so that you’re facing him. 
“I just wanted to apologize first,” you start, holding up a hand when Jaehyun starts to protest. “Wait. I really want to tell you this before I get too nervous to.”
“I know everyone was worried when I went kinda off the grid this morning, but I needed some time alone with my thoughts. I shouldn't have ignored you like that, especially when things seemed so off between us. This is really hard to say to your face but,” you glance away from him as he waits patiently for you, “I always feel this rush of different emotions whenever I’m around you. And sometimes it’s confusing, but other times—“ stopping to exhale, you notice Jaehyun’s grin from the corner of your eye. 
“Hey, why are you laughing? I’m trying to be serious right now,” you whine. He simply puts his hand up to his mouth to hide the elated expression on his face. 
“You’re just too cute, that’s all,” he replies adoringly, his eyes creasing behind his hand. 
“I can’t take this,” you mutter in embarrassment, stuffing your face into your arm to hide the blush of your cheeks. “See! Stuff like that. You make me experience, like, thirty different emotions at once.”
He simply giggles at you, throwing out a little “my bad,” but he doesn’t sound very sorry at all. You nudge him in the arm.
“Sorry sorry, Y/N. Wait, I’ll be serious now.”
Both of you taking deep breaths, you put your hand up to your heart to calm its erratic beating as Jaehyun composes his expression back to normal. 
“I really wanted to apologize too.”
You glance at him in surprise as the words leave his mouth, sincere and heavy. 
“I’ve been pretty shitty to you, and I recognize how confusing it must have been for you to watch me constantly go back and forth between different personas. Honestly, being back home forced me to face the people here, and suddenly I was thrown into this internal conflict between my high school life and my present self. That’s still no excuse for how many mixed signals I gave you these past few months, but I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you.”
Reaching out to brush a small leaf off your shoulder, his hand trails down your arm until he’s taken your hand in his. You can tell how much he means it by the way he’s looking at you — like you hold the entire galaxy in your eyes. You think that you finally see a replication of how you look at him yourself; after all, it’s being reflected back to you right now. 
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“I hope you can tell, but I really like you,” he whispers, bringing your hand up to his chest. He wants you to feel how much his nerves are racing just as fast as yours. 
You think that your heart just about stops. You’ve dreamt of this moment since you were younger, and now that it’s finally coming to life, it’s unreal to think that he feels the same.
“I think you know how I feel,” you reply back quietly, looking down at your hands entwined with his. 
“Say it?” he asks with a pleading face, the corners of his lips quirking up when you roll your eyes. 
“Jeong Jaehyun, do you really think I believe that you didn’t know that I’ve liked you ever since we were kids?” Shaking his head innocently at your suspicion, he pouts in a manner that’s very unlike him. 
“Fine,” you give up, unable to hide the smile creeping up on your face. “I like you Jaehyun, I like you so much that you don’t even know how happy I am right now.”
“Oh, I know. Come here,” he scoots over before tapping the side of his shoulder with his finger. Not getting the memo, you tilt your head inquisitively before he reaches over himself and puts your head on his shoulder himself. If your heart was skipping beats before, it’s probably failing to beat at all now. 
“I want you to trust me,” he murmurs under his breath, his grip tightening on your hand. “I know I don’t have the best track record right now, but I’ll prove to you how much I like you.”
You furrow your brows in confusion. “You don’t have to prove anything…“ You wholeheartedly believe and trust in his feelings, but with the way he’s looking at you right now, you decide to humor him and raise an eyebrow prompting him to go on. 
“Wait, you’ll do anything?” You ask, looking up at the stars to hide your telling grin. 
“Anything. Even suffer through another one of those awful DiCaprio movies.”
“Suffer?” you exclaim, your head lifting off of his shoulder with his words. 
“Shit- no no not suffer. Who said suffer? You must’ve misheard me, I most definitely said enjoy.”
“You’re on thin ice, Jeong.”
He snorts at your threatening expression, an arm snaking behind you to wrap around your waist protectively. 
Turning his head to look down at you, you’re met with his nose almost touching yours. You can see every eyelash, every freckle adorning his skin as neither of you make the motion to move away. 
Jaehyun loses his breath at the sight of you so close. He keeps his teasing eyes on yours before taking that extra step forward to bump your noses together. Glancing down at your lips, he steadies himself so that his voice can sound as confident as he envisions it in his head. 
“Can I kiss you?”
“Please, Jaehyun.”
With your consent, he pulls you forward by the waist before slotting your lips together carefully. You’re not sure if it’s the pressure at which he’s holding you, or the fact that you’ve waited for this moment for almost your entire youth, but kissing Jaehyun is glorious. 
He moves a hand up to cup the back of your neck before pushing forward impossibly closer, tucking your hair behind your ear in one smooth motion as his mouth moves in tandem with yours. 
You make a noise of surprise when he takes your bottom lip between his teeth, giving you a little nip before licking over the skin carefully. The passion and lust that seeps through his tongue is made clear as the minutes pass, and your reactions only spur him on.
Th mix of his skin on yours burning its way across your body and the delicacy at which he touches you makes your heart alight for a completely different reason. Threading your fingers through his hair, you're delighted to find that that particular motion makes him shudder under your hands, and kiss you more like his life depends on it.
After a while of marking each other's skin and exchanging sweet nothings between his kisses, you tap his chest to pull apart for air, your breathless mien making him grin smugly. 
“I’m that good, huh?”
“Shut up, Jaehyun.”
The rings on your fingers clink with his as you hand him a metal camping cup, its silver surface hot to the touch even at night. Glancing up at Jaehyun, you laugh when you catch his skeptical expression. 
“The hell is this…” he asks in borderline horror as the liquid in his cup sloshes around. 
“Mark’s gonna love hearing that,” you remark, putting your own cup to your lips as you bring your knees to your chest.
It’s the most comfortable when you’re with Jaehyun like this, sitting on the hood of his car in the dead of the night to stargaze into the early hours of the morning. 
It’s been a few weeks since that night on the rooftop, and you’ve never felt more alive. From long drives with Taeyong to mini adventures with Mark, and from jukebox diners with Chaewon and constellation hunting with Jaehyun, you finally feel at home in a place you’re about to leave. University is close on the horizon, but that doesn’t mean you can’t spend your last free evenings with the people you love the most. 
“Is this your recipe?” Jaehyun asks, pulling up your legs so that they rest over his lap. You shake your head with a cheeky smile. 
“Stole it,” you whisper, scrunching your nose at the distinct smell. 
“And what did Mark’s creative ass come up with this time,” he laments back, taking your cup to compare it with his in confusion. 
“Our cups hold the same exact thing, Jaehyun. I didn’t secretly poison your drink if that’s what you’re thinking, and I know you are.” You take back your cup before taking another sip and taking a little piece of paper out of your pocket to read from. “But anyway, it's ‘orange liquor, orange juice, lime juice, maple syrup, sliced jalapeño, and agave blanco sugar in the rim.’ You can steal the recipe too, but don't tell him that I gave it to you. He’d murder me.”
“Mm,” he muses, nuzzling into your neck. “I wouldn’t want my girlfriend dead.”
You freeze in mid-air, mind turning the title over and over again in your head. “Girlfriend?”
Jaehyun sits up immediately, looking at you with the most mortified expression on his face. “Fuck, I never asked you to be my girlfriend, did I?”
With a small giggle at his antics, you simply lean against him and pat his arm in consolation. “It’s okay, I don’t need a label to know how you feel about me.” Jaehyun hums contently before suddenly wrapping his arms around you, your delighted shriek ringing out as he pulls you down with him and falls back against the metal roof of the car. 
“Can we just stay like this forever?” 
You sigh in satisfaction as your body follows the rises and falls of his chest. The stars above seem to blink happily at the two of you as they make their way across the sky, the little, twinkling lights of overpassing planes highlighting their presence.
Intertwining your fingers with his, he gently kisses the side of your face before closing his eyes.
Even if the two of you hadn’t realized it yet, it had always been like this: two childish souls crafting the idea of mature love. Two blooming young adults, with fizzing feelings and cherry picked lips, daring to love one another like the grownups in black and white colored movies.
Your summers are defined by sticky ‘n sweet cherry cola, rides around the abandoned carousel with your friends, and “borrowing” quarters out of your brother’s Cadillac to insert into the jukebox of the local diner. They’re tinged with the taste of Mark’s special drinks and Chaewon’s sweet words, with Taeyong’s cheery voice ringing out throughout your house and your parents’ weekly sitcom reruns. And most of all, summers are made of Jaehyun’s lavender cologne and the way he holds you close when you need it the most.
“Don’t be surprised if the moon calls you by name, Y/N, because I tell her about you all the time.”
<3 you can find their character profiles HERE.
[ for Y/N, mark, chaewon, jaehyun, taeyong, and saemi ]
xoxo
2023 © kiachiako | all rights reserved.
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ooshu · 1 year
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"jae?"
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summary: jaehyun buys johnny and mark some cuervo shots. he forgets the one thing that everyone says—stay away from your phone when you're drunk. note: jaehyun finishing his undergrad thesis, johnny and mark as a support system, and a lot of swearing/profanities, really. genre: pure and raging angst | word count: 1.7k — “one bott?” johnny asked.
“sure! this one’s on me.” jaehyun, with a sheepish grin on his face, replied. his cheeks were now hinting a shade of red. fucking adorable.
so why is jaehyun suddenly ecstatic about drinking cuervo and gulping it down straight as if it was… an ordinary non-alcoholic drink?
give the guy his moment. jaehyun’s thesis-making era has finally landed in the area of responsibility. out of all the frameworks and methods to be potentially used for his study (verbatim. legendary thesis), he is anxious. as much as he wants to bag that best thesis nomination from his architecture department, the thought of just getting it at the end of the sem sounds more convincing and realistic which is, well, quite a lonely take from a former A student turned mediocre due to sudden burnout, but that’s life now for some after the unforgiving turn of events embedded in the 2020 history records.
to tl;dr, jaehyun needs a drink and to get drunk. let him be, please? he’s used to bragging about his high alcohol tolerance but his primary goal is to get shitfaced, excuse the expression. a good hangover is needed by the morning; something to make him feel human again. the world is spinning quickly, and he needed to slow time just a little bit to cue his hazy vision and low inhibitions.
so the second cuervo arrived, right? jaehyun thanked the waiter and johnny and mark couldn’t help but laugh at how he was currently losing it all. he holds the golden bottle, his eyes fixed on the shot glasses, and when he poured, the drink spilled on the table. at this point, being drunk is no longer an excuse. his eyesight has also become worst over the years. what’s up with this guy, anyway? just go get yourself a LASIK surgery (to which jaehyun would only reply via text so dryly: lol)
johnny snatched the bottle from jaehyun and poured it into their shot glasses. in this kind of scenario, one would actually tap out and advise the rest who refuse to follow, but dang!, as the younger bro always says, it seems like jaehyun needed this the most. johnny knew the stress as he has already graduated (but still chose to enroll for a master’s degree afterward because the MA sneak beside his name sounds lit!), and mark is amused by jaehyun’s clumsy state anyways.
“mark, stop laughing.”
“oh, why?” mark looked at johnny with confusion.
“because next year, bro, you’re gonna be as shitfaced as jaehyun because of your thesis! haha!”
while the two bickers, the cuervo shots were going down on jaehyun like water. as he takes the nth shot of the night, he lowers the glass slowly and stared blankly at the two of them.
mark slightly gripped the hem of johnny’s shirt to break off the banter.
then he said “yo, the fuck?”
when the both of them faced jaehyun, his eyes were bloodshot… red?
“jaehyun, are you crying?” johnny asked.
“i broke… heart.” jaehyun muttered.
“huh?”
“shit, i broke it.”
“you broke what?”
mark dumbfounded, was just staring at jaehyun. johnny kept asking who, but jaehyun just keeps on speaking in codes.
“fuck, she said “i love you””
“dude... who?” mark asked. the atmosphere is getting serious as he mumbles what we can assume as his regrets. the two couldn’t really tell. at this point, jaehyun’s all over the place; incoherent.
“fuck,” jae cursed for the nth time. “i took it for fucking granted.”
“it was so exclusive. fuck, that ‘i love you’ was so exclusive.”
“fuck. fucking fool. the fuck, jae? i’m such a fucking headass.”
and bratatatat he goes. the other two gentlemen were listening attentively, hoping he’d spill a name or a clue of who he was referring to. but nothing comes out. as if jaehyun was stuck at the moment when the person said “i love you” to him. jaehyun was in a loop, like a broken record. and when he finally stopped blabbering and took another shot, his face was already on the table, and with eyes closed, he fell into a deep slumber.
and god, his position looks so uncomfortable. his arms were just hanging and flanging into the air. the younger noticed his state, so he decided to put jaehyun’s arms and palms over his legs.
“dude”, mark said to johnny. “are you sure he needs it for his thesis or that thing?”
when jaehyun woke up, mark was on his phone. johnny, on the other hand, was taking a puff from his vape that is wrapped around his neck. you know those dudes who are not so subtle about their vape life? displaying their vapes like an id, and is lit blue? strawberry-minty flavor, smells good though, in fair. but he would tell you to go away if ever you would want to try. “smoking kills!”, he would say. shoo!
“i feel like throwing up.”
“i’ll come with you. come on.” johnny offered.
they went inside the restaurant across from their al fresco space. johnny led the way toward the bathroom. the rest is history. jaehyun walked out from the bathroom stall and washed his hands and mouth. a little splash on his face was needed, too; just to sober up.
he is in fact, and indeed, sobered up; sound and with consciousness. he said “go ahead” to johnny and went back to their table. mark is texting, probably a hook-up, by now. but he never leaves the gang to give respect to the bro night. he was also curious about what happened to jaehyun, anyway.
but johnny isn’t surprised, like, at all. jaehyun is an eye candy in his university. he sure made his fair shares from time to time but the thing is, they don’t really talk about their flings and such. the pack isn’t a kiss-and-tell, the usual trashy friend group that reeks pride via body counts. and jaehyun would introduce if ever he gets in a situationship leading to commitment anyway. it’s just that mark has never seen this side of jaehyun.
but there is indeed a possibility that jaehyun has this hopeless romantic tendency given he must have watched 500 days of summer approximately 500 times by now, and still believes that summer finn is a bitch.
“drink some water”, mark handed a bottle.
“thanks.”
“so…”
johnny nudged mark. it was a signal to stop the interrogation. mark got social cues, thank god. they’ll let jaehyun spill at his own pace. the guy is still trying to recover. one of these days, he’ll remember and open up because perhaps, it did really get serious at some point.
but jaehyun opened his phone and checked his text messages. there was a message, waiting for a response sent almost ten months ago.
january 11, 2022, 01:11 am | you wrote:
home?
to which he now replied: november 10, 2022, 02:45 am | jaehyun wrote:
not yet
and i dont think ill everr be
jaehyun grabbed the half-empty cuervo and poured it into his glass. mind you, not the shot glass, the bottle itself. mark and johnny, once again, stared at each other. jaehyun poured the last bit of the golden bottle and drank it straight. he winced and his throat felt burning. he then continued typing on his phone.
october 10, 2022, 02:46 am | jaehyun wrote:
and i know it sounds tssstupid
but i think im still in love with you
not think
fuck
i am in love with you
ive always been in love with you
and i never said it
and i wish i couldve said it back whenever you say it
because fuck
you deserved to hear it so much
jaehyun was in the middle of his never-ending texts when his phone rang.
he let it ring a few times. the phone vibrating felt somehow pressuring for the guy. mark and johnny were just staring at jaehyun, waiting for his next move.
shit, it really is you.
-
jaehyun got up from his seat while gripping his phone quite tight and walked a few inches from their table, lingering on the feeling of the buzzes. he took a few deep breaths in and touched the green button.
“jaehyun? are you drunk?” he heard from the other side of the phone. “go home, please, jaehyun?”
jaehyun.
jaehyun. it’s no longer jae.
meanwhile, johnny and mark were squinting their eyes, trying to look out for the dumbstruck fool, trying to catch signals and connect the dots.
“jaehyun?”, he couldn’t breathe. it felt suffocating. “are you still there?”
“hey.”, jaehyun finally mustered up the courage to speak. “i know it’s been a while but-”
“do you need me to book you an uber, jaehyun?”
jaehyun. jaehyun. jaehyun. tears start to swell in jaehyun’s eyes. where the fuck did ‘jae’ go? he desperately wonders.
“please… please call me jae, please? love, please?”
“jaehyun…” you replied hesitantly. “times have changed.”
“just this time, please?” jaehyun desperately asked. “one last time. i just need to hear it again then i’ll go.”
the line felt silent despite the murmuring sounds of happy co-workers cheering for the weekend and the faint booming music to liven up the place. but jaehyun’s world is painted in monochrome; lonely, and lifeless.
“jae…”
“hey, love.”
“jae…”
“i’m gonna miss you so much; every single day, baby. every single day.”
“jae, jae, jae…”
hearing ‘jae’ coming from you sounds music to his ears.
and for the last time, he pretended it was just another call coming from you—those nights like this paralleled before when jaehyun refused to pick up your calls on a night out, shitfaced, while on the other line, there was you who were constantly worried on his whereabouts. but he always got home safely and always told you this:
“don’t wait for me okay?”
and then you played along.
“just go home safely, jae.”
but in a parallel universe, he wishes he ended the calls with this. and he finally said it, when it is now too late:
“i love you so much, love.”
and jaehyun heard a faint sob on the other line, just before the call abruptly ended.
-
jaehyun stared at his phone until everything became blurry and his tears flowed down his cheeks.
he opened the message app and scrolled through your thread, until he reached the last message you sent.
"home?"
but jaehyun, he was never coming home,
now that he has lost the keys along the way.
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catboyieejeno · 11 months
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make a mess for me -> jung jaehyun (m)
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contents: jaehyun x female! reader, smut without plot, no relationship established, riding his abs, pet names, dirty talk (?) wc: 1k
masterlist
18+ minors do not interact !
every sound, sight, and touch is absolutely electrifying. your senses are all heightened, soaking in the details around you and storing them for memory; the dim light in the room that makes your vision foggy, your lips wetly smacking on one another's, breathing each other's air... in this moment, it feels as though the world has completely stopped spinning—just for the two of you.
your head tilts back, body helplessly grinding down to meet his in search of friction. even with the obstruction of his underwear and joggers, you can feel the outline of his entire length sliding up and down your core. his tip presses so wonderfully into your clit each time he rocks his hips, growing harder and harder beneath you.
when you try to speed up your movements, jaehyun tightens his grip on your waist, calming your eagerness—he intends to edge you for as long as he can, until you're squirming above him.
"please, jae-" your high-pitched whine is cut off by his kiss, lips swollen and puffy and pressing against yours with so much fervor.
despite the fact that you're completely naked, sat on his lap and exposed for him to see, jaehyun remains fully dressed. with a pout on your lips, you reach under his shirt and jaehyun leans back so that you can discard it for him easily.
as your eyes dance over his bare torso in awe, the pad of your finger lightly traces each indentation of his muscles, "you're so pretty," you praise, looking at his skin distractedly.
although he appreciates your compliment, he's quick to redirect your attention. jaehyun bucks his hips up, pressing himself directly against your arousal. when you gasp, his lip curls up into a satisfied smirk, hands sliding up to cup your breasts.
"damn, you're so wet,"
you glance down between your legs at the spot where your groins meet, finding that a round, wet stain has darkened the gray material of his pants—a mix of your arousal and his precum. instinctively, your bottom lip tucks into your teeth, and you hiss as he rolls his hips into you again, making the wetness spread more. even then, your hands stay on his stomach, greedily caressing him.
upon noticing your fixation, jaehyun searches for your gaze, "baby?"
you hum in response, looking up to meet his glossed over eyes.
"what're you doing?"
"i wanna try something," you mumble shyly.
he snickers, leaning in to kiss your neck and whisper into it, "what's that, baby?"
"can i-" your voice is breathy and shaky, wavering with nerves, "-can i ride your abs? please?"
for a second, he goes absolutely quiet, leaning back to look at your face again. your cheeks are glowing red in embarrassment, and you're about to take it back when his tongue darts out to wet his lips, eyes watching you through half-lids.
"shit. that's so hot. and you asked so nicely, sweetheart. of course, we can try that." suddenly, he forgets entirely about his plan to edge you, settling contently for being the one who is edged.
he can watch you fall apart above him while he's unable to touch himself? the idea is mouth-watering.
ardently, he lies back with both hands on your ass, guiding you forward so that you hover over his abdomen, flexed and covered with the sheerest layer of sweat.
"i love having you on display like this. fuck, baby, come on," he tugs you down, eager to watch you crumble. hesitantly, you slide against him once, shuddering as your clit makes contact with every ridge and muscle. his breath hitches, watching you with his jaw gone slack.
as if testing the waters, you repeat your actions, letting out the smallest cry of pleasure. jaehyun tries to let you go at your pace and set your own rhythm, especially since this is something you want to try. usually, you let him explore his impulses without protest, so it's only fair that he should do the same for you.
but by the fifth time you rub against him, pretty pussy leaving a glistening wet trail on his skin only to lift back up again, he decides he's had enough.
"you're killing me," he groans. in one smooth gesture, he grabs your forearms and tugs you down to press you flush against him. you let out a moan, obediently moving as you understand that's what he wants.
and god, does it feel so indescribably good, every curb hitting exactly where it needs to. you wanted to watch him beneath you, look into his eyes as you came on top of him, but your eyes are screwed shut instead, and the only thought in your head is why haven't i done this before?
your brow furrows as you pick up speed, sighing out with desperation. jaehyun gazes at you intently, "how does it feel?"
"oh, god, jaehyun. it feels really fucking good."
"keep going, baby. go faster, make a mess for me," he slides hands down your arms until he's linking his fingers with yours, keeping you steady above him as you oblige, grinding your self on him.
the sight of you like this is so obscene and dirty that his dick twitches in his pants; it's begging to be touched, to be sucked in by your tight cunt, but he's enjoying the show you're putting on for him a bit too much to rush you any more than he already has. when he feels you start pulsing against him, his tongue presses into his cheek.
"i'm so close-"
"i feel it baby, i feel you against me. be a good girl and come for me."
in that moment, jaehyun flexes, and you immediately moan out his name, the bliss between your legs so intense that you swear you can see an entire galaxy of stars behind your eyelids. he drops your hands onto his chest where you hold yourself up.
jaehyun grips your thighs and hips like putty, hard enough to leave a bruise. he rocks you, urging you to keep moving until you're so overstimulated that your juices are dripping on either side of him, coating your thighs and wetting the sheets.
"fuck, fuck." you whimper.
your entire being is trembling as you come down, but the boy beneath you gives you no time to recover. his arms wrap around your waist as he flips you over, warm tongue attaching itself to your skin, swiping along the expanse of your collar bones and chest.
"baby, look at what you did to me," he grunts out.
with one hand spreading your legs, the other toying with your nipple, jaehyun presses himself up against you, rutting into your sensitive core and letting you feel just how turned on your little idea made him.
ੈ♡.*·
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gyeomsweetgyeom · 1 month
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⋆⭒˚.⋆ your biggest fan ⋆⭒˚.⋆
idol!jaehyun x popstar!reader
summary: in which the world discovers your relationship with Jaehyun and surprisingly… they love it
(cw: f!reader, descriptions of sasaengs and receiving hate)
a/n: bonus ig posts at the end
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.
You weren't exactly sure how you and Jaehyun became a couple, that was his area of expertise, not yours. All you remembered was meeting him in 2019 at the iHeartRadio Jingle Ball and from there a relationship blossomed at some point.
It was hard on the both of you, you were both so busy. He was busy pumping out music every year, always working. If he wasn't touring, he was recording, promoting, learning a new dance, or working on the next step. The life of a Kpop idol was vastly different from the fame you knew as a western artist. You had breaks between albums, a few singles here and there, but your tours lasted so much longer.
It was a reality you were used to though. You came into the limelight as a teenager, building a deeply dedicated fan base that grew in size and grew up with you. A fanbase that grew from your hometown to spanning various continents. Your success and fame had grown far beyond what you had ever imagined when you first signed on to create your first record. This life was everything you dreamed of and more, even if the reality was less... perfect than you thought it would be.
Having been in this industry for as long as you had been, a romantic relationship wasn't at the forefront of your list. There were a few here and there, kept under wraps, but they could never understand the demands of your job. When Jaehyun came in, he turned your world upside down. He was a breath of fresh air and inspired you more than anyone ever had.
It had been 3 years of dating now. You were head over heels in love and so was he. The time differences, the constant missed calls, and dates in the cover of darkness hadn't diminished any of the love you had for each other.
These past few weeks had been lucky, you were in your Asian leg of your tour and Jaehyun had been able to join you for the last week of your tour which was starting with a few nights in Seoul and ending in Japan. It was the night before your concert, definitely past midnight, but you and Jaehyun were hungry. You were both dressed "in disguise" with masks on, hats covering your heads, and baggier clothes.
It really was a mistake on both your ends to think that there would be no one watching. Sure, the traditional paparazzi wasn't really a thing here, but there were other people with cameras. People who were too dedicated and a... different kind of fan that you and Jaehyun were unfortunately familiar with. These people knew where you were staying and would take any opportunity to catch a picture. And that’s what happened.
You both entered a convenience store and you pulled off your hat to fix your hair which left your face more visible to the cameras taking pictures. A few minutes later Jaehyun lowered his mask to take a drink from his cup and from there your relationship was revealed and spiraled out of control.
Fans were making connections, some far reaching and others that were legitimate. In your short, 20 minute trip down the block both you and Jaehyun were trending. You didn’t even know it was all happening until the morning after when your assistant walked into your hotel room with her phone in her hand that was quickly pushed in front of your face.
You scrolled through hundreds of tweets, replies, quote tweets, various hashtags.
Your voice was tired and deep from sleep, “what is happening?”
“Fans caught you two in the convenience store last night and uploaded the picture. Jaehyun our team have been in touch with your management and we’ve agreed to each put out a statement confirming the relationship. I know this isn’t what either of you had planned, but you were lucky for a good few years,” your assistant explained with a soft smile.
Jaehyun turned to you with a nervous expression, “I’m sorry this happened. Just ignore all the negative comments and focus on the good, okay? I love you and this won’t change anything.”
“I’m sorry, but there’s no negatives. Well sure, haters are everywhere but 99% of the posts, comments, reactions, everything really- is positive. You’re both international stars with very dedicated fan bases that have some intersection. Seriously, look for yourself,” your assistant hands her phone to Jaehyun. “People want duets, joint tours, they want interviews together. Seriously, it’s crazy!”
You laugh I shock, looking over Jaehyun’s shoulder to read all the feedback and comments from your fans.
“We have to improve your Korean, baby. They want you to collaborate with NCT,” Jaehyun laughs.
“You told me my Korean was good!” You exclaim with a soft hit to his arm.
“It is! But we can practice more for a whole album full of duets,” he replies with a soft laugh.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” you laugh in reply.
That night at your concert, the arena full of fans erupts in cheers so loud you can hear it through your ear pieces when Jaehyun is shown on the screen. “My boyfriend is here tonight! And we can all thank him for my amazing Korean! Before we start the next song, which is about him, how do we all feel about an extra show here?”
The screams get even louder and you look at Jaehyun with a bright smile. He sends you a finger heart and you send a kiss right back in his direction. This was everything you’d dreamt of.
+ BONUS
yourusername
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liked by _jeongjaehyun, zendaya, and others
yoursusername in case you somehow managed to miss the news, here’s the confirmation! my inspiration, my muse, my biggest fan, my love, nobody gets me like you do. I’m so lucky to live this life with someone who gets me better than anyone else. i love you foreverrrrrr
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_jeongjaehyun
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liked by yourusername, bumkeyk, and others
_jeongjaehyun Sometimes I still can’t believe it myself. I’ve learned so much from you and continue to learn something new everyday. I’m my best self around you. I love you baby, I’m your biggest fan
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neoculturecollectives · 10 months
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Jaehyun as a Boyfriend
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fluff and nsfw
Tries to be chill around you when you first meet but looks at you like you're God when he cracks a joke and you actually laugh.
"So I was shopping and I saw this and thought you'd like it too. I got one for myself so we can match."
Isn't the jealous type because he trusts you
You rarely argue but when you do, you're both lowkey dragging it and just trying to outdo each other because you know the sex is gonna be fkn top tier
He knows how much you love the sound of his voice so he leaves voice notes whenever he can instead of texts
You noticed that he tends to mumble in Korean to himself so you ask him to teach you a bit so you can talk to him
he knows you like hearing him speak in Korean and likes to randomly remind you how fast you came the first time he spoke dirty to you in Korean
lies and says he wasn't actually talking dirty to you but was only naming common household objects
sometimes likes to be in control
sometimes like to be extremely in control
"I love you baby"
sings you to sleep when you're too stressed to sleep
fucks you to sleep when you have an attitude
refuses to roast you because he knows you'll obliterate him in two seconds flat
lets you paint his nails when you're bored
his ideal lazy day is staying in bed and eating you out
has an oral fixation and likes it when you suck his on fingers
leaves marks on you. like everywhere
just wants to be close to you
doesn't necessarily need to talk all the time though just likes being around you even if you're both doing your own thing
definitely plays Lover by Taylor Swift for you even though the term 'lover' makes you both cringe
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byeuijoo · 6 months
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jealousy, jealousy 𐀔 myung jaehyun
genre : fluff, a little bit of angst if you squint ⋆ warnings : jealousy, kissing? ⋆ word count : 794
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ୨ ✩ ୧
it was an afternoon like any other, hanging out with friends of yours, luring your boyfriend along for the ride. jaehyun's hand almost never left yours — but the drive home seemed much quieter than expected.
while trying to get some kind of reaction from him, you thought about everything you'd done today that could have lowered his mood. after joining the boys at the amusement park, you all spent the day having fun and running around to ride as many rides as possible. maybe it was because you hadn't shared your cotton candy with him? or because you didn't let him ride the ferris wheel at the end of the day? no, it all seemed far too trivial to make him sulk like that.
as you unlocked the door to your apartment, discarding your shoes and coat, you watched him out of the corner of your eye : he instantly moved to the sofa, scrolling through his cell phone without saying a word. a long sigh left your lips as you walked around the sofa to face him, and even if you wanted to slip into his arms, you felt it wasn't the right time for physical contact. turning on the television to take your mind off the whole thing, you let a sigh leave your lips, glancing repeatedly at your boyfriend.
his face, which was usually so luminous, seemed to be extinguished, as if a rain cloud were hovering over his head. where was his big smile hiding? biting your lip, thinking of some way to change his mood, you grabbed your phone,
then suddenly you realized.
was it because you'd done a whole attraction with dongmin instead of him, and because you'd been a tad clingy with each other? wasn't he just jealous?
it made sense, and would even be extremely likely. despite jaehyun's expressive face, you knew he didn't like to talk about this kind of topics because he found his reactions simply ridiculous. while you thought it was kind of cute.
so without thinking any further, you infiltrated his personal space, grabbing his phone ( which you lock and place further back on the sofa ) before coming to sit on jaehyun's laps, his questioning face raised towards yours. before he could object and stop you from doing anything, you leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek, before sliding your hands on his baby cheeks.
looking him straight in the eyes, you end up pulling up the corners of his mouth with your forefingers, drawing a slight smile on his face. « jealousy doesn’t suit you, » you say softly, causing a sigh to escape his lips, before you continue, « i like to see you smile more. »
with a keen eye, you could see the tips of his ears gently reddening. his hands finally moved and slid over your hips, putting pressure on your lower back to draw you against him. his face camouflaged itself in your neck, against which he placed a trail of kisses while murmuring a nonsensical apology. « don't apologize, you've done nothing wrong. » you reassured him, slipping your hand under his sweater to gently caress the skin of his hip in a comforting gesture.
a long sigh left jaehyun's mouth once more, and he nodded slightly, tightening his arms around you as if to prevent you from pulling away. « it's just.. you know.. » he began to explain, his voice settling on your skin in a muffled sigh, « seeing him so close to you made me jealous. »
« if it makes you feel any better, i too am sometimes jealous when i see someone a little too close to you, jaehyun. » you confessed, making him move slightly away from you, his eyes lost in yours for long seconds. then you placed a soft and warm kiss on the tip of his pretty nose, while slipping your arms around his neck, offering him the warmest of your smiles.
« i love only you, » you whispered between two stolen kisses, pecking at his lips under his watchful gaze, which seemed to see nothing but you, « myung jaehyun, i only love you. » you repeated, making the new kiss last a little longer.
his heart seemed soothed and reassured by your words — because he suddenly seemed so much more sure of himself than five seconds ago. closing his eyes to enjoy your exchange more fully, jaehyun's hand slipped into the back of your neck to hold your face in place, which drew a smile from you against his lips. but that didn't stop him from kissing you harder, more passionately, again and again, while murmuring some almost inaudible i love yous against your pretty mouth.
reblogs & feedbacks are highly appreciated !
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hugs2doie · 7 months
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more jaehyun if you can pls 🫶🏾🫶🏾 u write him so well it’s saur cute
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more jaehyun boyfriend texts
thank u so muchh ir means a lootttt 😭 i thoughr ir wasnt v accurate so rhankska uu i love u smmsms
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