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#esteban ocon x reader
pucksandpower · 2 months
Text
Of Roomates and Revenge
Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader
Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg
Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so
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Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)
Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink
I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.
The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.
In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.
The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.
Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.
Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.
Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.
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Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)
Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox
I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.
What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.
Duties would include:
Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water
Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)
Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)
In return, you’d get:
A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)
Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry
Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)
First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make
The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.
Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.
No scammy offers or soliciting, please!
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Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)
Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink
Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!
I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.
What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.
You’ll get:
Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district
Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment
Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas
As much wine as you can drink (and more)
In exchange, you’ll be expected to:
Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement
Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”
Refill wine glasses as needed
Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it
The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.
You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.
If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!
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Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:
Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)
Compensation: €400 per event
Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.
A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.
Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:
Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike
Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)
Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits
Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose
We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.
Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.
If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!
No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.
P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)
Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)
Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations
I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...
I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.
I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.
That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.
Your main duties would include:
Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment
Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)
Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc
Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.
In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.
Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.
If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.
I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.
No weirdos please.
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Hi,
Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.
I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).
A little about my qualifications:
Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics
Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄
Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway
Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)
No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry
In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.
Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!
I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!
Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.
Cheers,
Y/N
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r/offmychest
u/NotBritneySpears · 16h
My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!
I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.
A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.
This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:
“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”
Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.
Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.
I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.
My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.
I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.
I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.
Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.
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u/chronicgossiper · 12h
Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.
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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h
Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.
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u/chronicgossiper · 10h
Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 9h
Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.
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u/nosyandproud · 8h
Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?
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u/NotBritneySpears · 7h
He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h
So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 5h
It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h
Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.
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u/nosyandproud · 3h
Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 2h
Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h
This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!
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u/NotBritneySpears
Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m
Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.
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r/relationships
u/yourusername · 19h
I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?
Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.
About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.
I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.
Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.
From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.
But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.
I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?
In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.
Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?
Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.
Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!
The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.
Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!
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u/judgingloudly · 18h
Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!
If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!
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Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h
I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!
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u/livefordrama · 16h
I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …
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u/yourusername · 15h
Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!
As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!
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Reply to u/yourusername · 14h
Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.
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u/unpaidtherapist · 13h
Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!
Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.
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u/everydayopportunist · 12h
This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂
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u/devilsadvocate · 11h
I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.
My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!
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Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h
I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.
The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.
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r/AmITheAsshole
u/veganGOAT · 15h
AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?
I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...
A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.
She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.
Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.
But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.
Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”
I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”
I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.
The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.
It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.
After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.
But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?
I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?
Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?
I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.
Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.
But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.
Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?
Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?
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u/juryofone · 14h
YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.
Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.
The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.
My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.
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Reply to u/juryofone · 13h
I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.
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Reply to u/juryofone · 12h
Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!
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u/neutralpartier · 11h
NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.
The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.
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u/glasshalfempty · 10h
ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.
My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!
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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h
This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.
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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h
Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.
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u/criticaloverthinker · 7h
I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.
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u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h
I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.
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Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h
Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!
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u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h
Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂
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r/AmITheAsshole
u/veganGOAT · 8h
UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!
When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.
Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.
Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...
After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.
So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.
But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.
I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.
When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?
“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”
It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.
The limbo period was … not fun.
After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.
So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.
That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.
And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?
Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.
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u/juryofone · 7h
Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.
But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!
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u/neutralpartier · 7h
I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.
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u/glasshalffull · 6h
As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.
I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!
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u/romanticempath · 5h
What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.
I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!
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u/fairytaledreamer · 4h
I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?
Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!
All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!
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Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h
“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!
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r/offmychest
u/NotBritneySpears · 21h
My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)
You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.
A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.
Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!
Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.
On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.
Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.
Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.
The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.
So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!
In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.
Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.
But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.
Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.
I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.
So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.
I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.
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u/chronicgossiper · 18h
Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.
Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.
As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.
At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.
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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h
I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.
They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 13h
Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h
Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.
Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.
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u/nosyandproud · 10h
The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.
That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.
At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.
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u/realitychecker · 7h
OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:
“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”
Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!
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Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h
Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”
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u/buildingbridges
OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.
My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...
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r/ask
u/amateurdetective · 15h
I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code
I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.
So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.
Hear me out:
First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.
Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.
But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.
Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.
The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.
I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:
Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal
The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it
Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy
After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real
Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises
Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!
I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.
Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.
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u/scepeticbynature · 14h
Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.
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Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h
Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.
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u/amateurdetective · 10h
I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:
A pair of feuding former childhood best friends
One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge
Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties
The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed
Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!
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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h
Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!
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u/opinionatedtruther · 7h
Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.
I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.
But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!
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u/amateurdetective · 6h
THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.
Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.
That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!
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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h
All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄
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old-lorarri · 1 year
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𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐗
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𝐌𝐀𝐗 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍
𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑
𝐎𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑 𝐏𝐈𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈
𝐓𝐎𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅𝐅
𝐘𝐔𝐊𝐈 𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐃𝐀
𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒
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3K notes · View notes
astonmartinii · 1 year
Text
astonmartinii’s masterlist
if you would like to support me or send me a coffee, please go here ko-fi.com/astonmartini !! another way to support me is to shop at my small business @badlydrawnf1cats on etsy: here
max verstappen 
teacher’s pet 
babysitter duty 
play date 
pen pals 
study bug 
college 
teddy bear 
into the arms of another part two part three part four 
worlds biggest fan part two 
behind the camera 
we don’t play about halloween 
passion for fashion
bite the hand
charles leclerc 
big reputation | part two
all is fair in love and war 
birthday wishes  
the student life part one / part two 
love languages
motormouth 
cat mom 
author 
big girls do(n’t) cry 
tight knit 
friendship bracelets 
you and me got a whole lotta history 
angel baby, devil child 
undercover verstappen
nonsense... or is it? | a very nonsense christmas
oscar piastri 
rookie love
a spoonful of sugar
cherry lip balm 
i am the rockstar, girlfriend 
witchy business 
peas in a pod
southern charm 
kiss it better
nothing good ever happens at the work christmas party
daniel ricciardo 
ric number three 
cooking up a storm 
rockstar 
wedding bells 
big apple lovin’ 
ultimate wing man 
i don’t wanna be funny anymore 
lewis hamilton 
raw chemistry 
doggy day care 
get the bag 
top secret 
signed up for life 
spice up your life
sebastian vettel 
racing royalty 
family ties 
pierre gasly 
we never go out of style 
final(ly) girl 
mick schumacher 
summer breaking 
opposites attract 
lando norris 
lonely hearts club 
suck up 
team bonding 
best friends 4 ever
frost bitten 
dj got us falling in love 
big time rush 
loving on a sunday
head in the clouds
reluctant cupid
bad blood (lando's version)
ballad of lovebirds and puppy dogs
just add water
george russell 
george russell’s the type of guy 
first impressions matter
esteban ocon 
always the ones you least expect 
carlos sainz 
journalist 
old money 
are you going to be my girl?
toto wolff 
falling for you 
alex albon 
nine lives 
yuki tsunoda
guess who?
logan sargeant
pick of the crop
lance stroll
brother's best friend
mamma mia 
mamma mia  
no more ace to play 
honey, honey
age of no regret 
a wonderful thing 
a very mamma mia christmas
if you need me, let me know, gonna be around
5K notes · View notes
folkloresthings · 9 months
Text
TOLERATE IT / FA14.
in which the older sister of lando norris finds herself teetering dangerously towards the precipice of her brother’s, significantly older, colleague.
( fernando alonso x norris!reader )
track one: gold rush. track two: delicate. track three: labyrinth. track four: false god. track five: happiness. track six: the 1. track seven: daylight. track eight: lover.
✩⡱ warnings: age gap! reader is 25, fernando is 41.
INSTAGRAM.
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liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 2,386 others
tagged: landonorris
yourusername my ittle little tiny baby brother is racing at silverstone this weekend!!! everyone wish him luck on his home race (god knows he needs it)
view all 1,382 comments
user BABY LANDO PIC
⤷ user everyone say thank you y/n 🫶🫶🫶
danielricciardo he was such a cute baby. what happened.
landonorris you’re only two years older than me
⤷ yourusername “oh what a lovely post y/n thank you so much can’t wait to see you this weekend!!!!!
comment liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, and 628 others
NOTIFICATION! landonorris shared this post to their story!
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liked by landofan22, ferrarigurl, and 17,207 other
f1news Y/N Norris arrives to Silverstone today ahead of this weekends race! The sister of McLaren driver Lando Norris has attended a few races in the past, seen quite regularly when her brother competed in Formula 2 and Formula 3. However this is the first Formula 1 race she has attended in support of her brother! Most believe she is attending Lando’s home race as it is closer to where she resides in London, working as a human rights ambassador with charities such as Unicef, Save the Children, and the British Red Cross. We’re so excited to see her throughout the weekend!
view all 3,286 comments
user forget wags, y/n is the true it girl of f1
user how did i not know lando had a big sister 😍😍😍
yourusername am i famous now
⤷ user you’re our favourite already!!!!
user she’s pretty, she’s funny AND works for charities? dream girl fr
landonorris added to their story!
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INSTAGRAM.
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liked by carlossainz55, lilymhe, and 11,937 others
yourusername what a weekend!! i’ll come to all the race weekends if i get a nice view of the drivers bums every time 🍑🍑🍑
view all 6,299 comments
user thank you for your service 🫡
mclaren i’m sure we can arrange a permanent seat behind the line up for you
⤷ yourusername my saviour 😩
landonorris please stop sexualising my friends i won’t be able to face them again
danielricciardo let’s be honest, my ass looked nicest
⤷ yourusername nah that was fernandoalo_official
comment liked by fernandoalo_official and 922 others
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liked by yourusername, pierregasly, and 44,285 others
fernandoalo_official not the best race but a great weekend all around! hopefully we’ll do better next weekend 👍
view all 27,113 comments
lance_stroll 🙌🙌🙌
user nando/lando/carlos content i’m eating it up
⤷ user we’re being fed
astonmartinf1 bring on hungary! 💚
user lando this carlos that IS THAT Y/N IN THE LAST PIC
yourusername broom broom 🏎️
writers note: this is mainly just a set up for the story but!!! fernando series is here. he’s sexy and so is florence so i’m obsessing over them being sexy together.
2K notes · View notes
lewisvinga · 25 days
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my mj | esteban ocon x fem! reader
summary; esteban just wants no way home spoilers from his very own mj
fc; zendaya
warnings; ?
taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1 @minseok-smaus @goldenmclaren @ollieshifts @lavisenri @graciewrote @xoscar03
note; requested !
masterlist !
⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
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liked by estebanocon, francisca.cgomes, and others !
yourusername: 🖤
estebanocon: WOW😍😍😍😍 liked by yourusername !
estebanocon: share some no way home spoilers w me ?😇
yourusername: estie you ask me this everyday and my answer is still NO😊
estebanocon: why do u hate ur bf sm 😢
yourusername: i’m not gonna spoil the entire movie for u….
estebanocon: fine 🙄🙄
username: if i was dating THE y/n i’d also be begging for spoilers 😭
username: SLAYED THE HOUSE DOWNNNN
username: ATEEEE
username: 😍😍😍
username: mother is MOTHERINGG
username: this press tour is abt to EAT😫
francisca.cgomes: what a beauty 😍😍😍
yourusername: kikaaa🥹🫶
pierregasly: kika wants to know the ending! how about sharing??😁😁
yourusername: give pierre his phone back, esteban!
pierregasly: dammit - esteban
username:the hair, the dress, MISS Y/N ALWAYS SERVESSSS😫😫
username: whatta woman
username: wow im so gay
⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
yourusername uploaded to their story !
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[caption 1; what i deal w on a daily basis] [caption 2; got him his burger, don’t worry everybody 🤗🤗]
⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
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liked by yourusername, mickschumacher, and others !
estebanocon: my mj, je t’aime❤️😍 ( even if you refuse to make me happy by telling me the ending of no way home before everyone else… )
tagged; yourusername
yourusername: i love youuu💞
estebanocon: liar you don’t love me
yourusername: i’m not spoiling no way home🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
estebanocon: you’re dating a guy w a love for spiderman and you refuse to spoil it for him??💔
yourusername: exactly !
username: poor guy tries so hard😭😭😭😭😭
username: MY PARENTS😭❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹
username: she’s everything he’s just estie bestie
username: she’s gorgeous omg
username: goals
username: i love them ur honor ☹️☹️☹️
username: THE PICTURE OF HER SLEEPING KAKDKSKD
username: the way she still looks good😔😔
mickschumacher: yourusername he’s trying to steal my phone again
yourusername: esteban….
estebanocon: stop lying on my name in front of the bad bitches (y/n) mickschumacher
username: LMAOOOOO
448 notes · View notes
oofthwoods · 2 months
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── ˙ ̟ 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒 !!
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🎙️ isn't it just so pretty to think? all along there was an invisible string tying you to me.
87% of individuals share a special bond with another person—someone they consider their soulmate. it's said that this connection is the universe's attempt to reunite the atoms that were once united before the big bang, almost like a cosmic apology for separating them in the first place.
can a formula one driver find their true love amidst the chaos of their fast-paced life? and do they even need to search when it feels like fate has already scripted their love story with every twist and turn?
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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬) :: 2024!f1 grid x reader. | different one shots.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 :: warnings will be provided at the beginning of each one shot!
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 :: i am a hopeless romantic, and i love the concept of soulmate!au. that's it, that's the author's note.
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˒ ⌕ — MASTERLIST
ᯓ★ you o'clock :: logan sargeant x reader.
⤷ soulmates who have a timer on their wrists counting down the minutes until they meet each other.
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ᯓ★ steps to you :: lando norris x reader.
⤷ soulmates who can see each other's steps.
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ᯓ★ lost and found :: charles leclerc x reader.
⤷ soulmates who find whatever the other has lost.
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ᯓ★ transit love :: esteban ocon x reader.
⤷ soulmates who, once enter in a vehicle, are connected to each other.
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ᯓ★ strings of fate :: lewis hamilton x reader.
⤷ soulmates who are connected through a red string.
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ᯓ★ timeless :: carlos sainz jr. x reader.
⤷ soulmates who share memories from their past lives together.
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ᯓ★ lock and key :: george russell x reader.
⤷ soulmates who are born holding pendants — one has a lock, the other has a key.
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ᯓ★ freaky friday :: oscar piastri x reader.
⤷ soulmates who swap bodies randomly.
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©️ oofthwoods — 2024.
611 notes · View notes
theyluvkarolina · 2 months
Note
Saw your post about requests being open and had this idea and I didn’t want to fall asleep and forget about it. Idk if you do Esteban Ocon but yeah. Esteban and Kpop idol, she real famous and she’s been soft launching someone for years but never revealed them because her management won’t allow her to reveal who it is. Anyways her contract ends and she reveals that the person she’s been soft launching is Esteban and they’re actually married and have a kid. (You can pick the gender). Thanks. Love the two works you put out already and can’t wait to read more 🫶
𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐓
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. ୨୧⭒๋࣭ ⭑ ` ` why the french guy bro 😞 … ` ` ⊹ ‧₊˚
𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ୨୧ kpop and f1? what on earth would that have in common? a lot actually!
𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ୨୧ esteban ocon x reader
𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌 ୨୧ most photos are of jennie!
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ୨୧ cursing, reader speaks her mind lol, pregnancy and kids?
𝐀/𝐍 ୨୧ I would be lying if I said I didn’t start tearing up at the end 🥹🩶 thank you so so much! people like you encourage me to keep going :)) Fair warning, I’m practically clueless about K-pop… but I still tried my best! I decided against having the reader be part of a group, but rather a soloist, just for my sake until I gain more knowledge. again, thank you so much lovely, I hope you and everyone else enjoy 🫶
this is def the longest one yet 😵‍💫
some of the concept isn’t exactly the same, but I definitely tried to best to give what you requested!
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TWITTER, 2019
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INSTAGRAM, 2019
therealyn_ln
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therealyn_ln merci, paris! thank you to all who joined the show!
1,234 comments
username3 i literally couldn’t stop screaming,… best show yet!
→ therealyn_ln tysm! You fans always encourage me to try even harder!
username7 oh she’s totally ignoring the recent news flash…
→ username9 what news?! → username10 apparently, she was seen with some guy after her show in Paris!
username8 who is the mystery man?!
username11 why is no one mentioning the fact that esteban ocon is in the comments?!
→ username12 the fact that a f1 driver is even in the comments of a kpop idol is strange enough. → username13 it’s not even that, he WATCHED the show!
estebanocon glad to know you loved Paris! The show was amazing!
*liked by therealyn_ln!*
urmanagersuser call me. right now.
IMESSAGES
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INSTAGRAM
therealyn_ln
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therealyn_ln my biggest supporter 🧸🤎
0 comments
COMMENTS ON THIS POST HAVE BEEN TURNED OFF…
TWITTER, 2021
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INSTAGRAM, 2021
therealyn_ln
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therealyn_ln Me 🤝 First F1 Race! Honored to be a part of Alpine’s garage tonight! Wonderful work by @ fernandoalonso and @ estebanocon!
2,143 comments
fernandoalonso Of course. You are always welcome. 👍
username14 WHO IS THAT MAN??? I’VE BEEN WAITING SINCE ‘19!
username15 we lost her guys 😔😔
username16 Y/N and F1?! My life is at it’s highest!
username17 is that… the guy at her Paris show before the COVID-19 shut down?!
alpinef1team Thank you, Y/n! Overjoyed to have you join our garage and team! You certainly energized us this race 😉
estebanocon always willing to win! especially with your support 😊
username18 I can’t be the only one that’s been noticing something fishy lately…
estebanocon
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liked by lance_stroll and therealyn_ln
estebanocon celebrating in style 🥂
5,213 comments
username19 estie bestie!!
username20 uhmm…. the dinner photo?!
username21 WHO IS HE WITH 🤔 🤔
username22 surely Y/N posting that photo with her soft launch bf and estie’s dinner isn’t a coincidence…
alpinef1team we keep pushing! 👊
IMESSAGES
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TWITTER
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INSTAGRAM, 2022
therealyn_ln
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therealyn_ln Hello fans, for the next upcoming year, I will be taking a break from music, and embracing the love of my fans, and finally being able to share my love for my husband with not just me, but to finally show it to all of you.
happy new years to all! Happy 2022 :)
3,283 comments
username21 why the french guy bro 😞
username19 HUSBAND?!
username22 SINCE WHEN WAS SHE MARRIED?!
username20 what happened to hi? my name is?
username18 I TOLD YOU GUYS SOMETHING I FISHY
alpinef1team Mr and Mrs L/N-Ocon 🫡
estebanocon ma beauté 🩷
*liked by therealyn_ln!* → therealyn_ln the prettiest :))
INSTAGRAM, 2023
therealyn_ln
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therealyn_ln happy anniversary my love! 🤍 this was the best gift anyone can receive. Loving you now and for forever.
username21 WHAT IS HAPPENING RN
username19 no way.
username22 A BABY ALREADY?
username20 i’m at a loss for words.
alpinef1team Future driver in the works! 🏁👀
estebanocon so happy to be part of this journey with you my love ❤️
→ therealyn_ln my favorite frenchie 🥐 → charles_leclerc :( → pierregasly damn. → francisca.cgomes don’t worry @ pierre_gasly you’re always my fav ❤️
therealyn_ln
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therealyn_ln welcome to the world baby Alix 🤍
12 comments
landonorris can’t wait to be the favorite uncle
→ charles_leclerc sorry to break it to you Lando, but i’m going to be the favorite → alex_albon you’re lying it’s me → lance_stroll definitely me → maxverstappen1 nope, me. → carlossainz55 lo siento, it’s me! → danielricciardo bursting your bubble! It’s none of you cause I’m right here! → logansargeant i can’t wait to teach them some american football :) → pierregasly it’s definitely not me.
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415 notes · View notes
formulapai · 3 months
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YOU’RE PURR-FECT FOR ME !
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scenario: how some of the grid would deal with a cat-obsessed lover
warnings: cat scratches, blood due to scratches, biting, overall just kitty shenanigans
pai’s words: grew up surrounded by cats (and even now, meet Sushi my kitty baby and her VERY BIG FANGS in the first pic !) (she has a teeth condition so her fangs just grow and grow and we have to take her to the vet so they can trim them sksksksk still lives a wonderful life don’t worry) so i have a particular spot in my heart for them 🫶
MAX🍊
- CAT DAD
- jimmy and sassy are his little menaces and he never shuts up about them
- is very fond of all the cat memes you send him and saves them
- rolls his eyes when you nag at him for punishing the cats, even when they did something they definitely should get punished for (aka just max pointing an accusatory at them and slightly raising his voice)
- wheezed the first time you proposed a cats play date but soon realized you were serious and stopped
- knows he can always count on you to watch over his two menaces when he’s away and always makes sure to thank you profusely
- does the same for you when you’re away and sends you pictures and videos of your cats all day long, even FaceTiming you to show you the damages they decided to do to his apartment
- once you live together he has to physically stop you buying every cute cat furniture you see. no, you don’t need yet another litter box just because this one’s yellow with little flowers. no, your cat’s life won’t be drastically better if their food bowls are heart-shaped.
- in the end, he gives in and drives you to the store because he can’t resist you and your love for cats
ESTEBAN🍊
- sends you random cats pictures and caption them with “us ☺️”
- he sees a cat keychain while traveling? he buys it for you. a shirt with paw prints on it ? he buys it too. a box of cookies with the picture of a cat on it ? yeah, it’s going in his luggage too.
- brings treats for your kitties when he visits you and tells you about the searches he did before buying them
- responsible cat dad in law
- smiles SO BRIGHT when you send him videos of the little monsters before his races, it really pumps him up
- is the one sending you shopping ideas for cat furniture and gladly takes you to the store or orders for you
- posts them all over his social medias
- one time, one of your cats bit him pretty deep in the calf and he spent ten minutes trying to free his leg from the murder fangs
- never told you about it because 1) his pride suffered because of the fact that a CAT defeated him 2) he cares about Mr.Chonk and doesn’t want you punishing him
PIERRE🍊
- said many times that he much prefers dogs but deep down, he loves the balls of fur
- annoys them all the time and complains when his arms look like scratching posts
- gives them the dumbest nicknames and laughs his ass off when you complain about it
- the first thing he buys when he goes grocery shopping before coming to your place is cat food, so much that you have cupboards full of it but don’t have the heart to tell him as you know it’s his way of taking care of them
- your cats adore him when he’s not being a pain in their backside
- locks them out of the bedroom and makes fun of you for giving in and letting them inside after they meowed on the other side of the door
- scolds them like he’d scold kids and tells them off about their attitude when he notices their ears going on airplane mode, scolds you too when you take their side and coo at them
- sends you tiktoks about cat clothes and orders it because he knows the cats are going to hate it
- movie night turns into him cuddling “his babies” and leaving you sitting on the floor
OSCAR🍊
- grew up with dogs but is a cat person deep down
- snorts when you send him pics of your cats next to pics of him, or the “polite cat Oscar” memes you find on twitter
- never carries them in his arms because he knows they’ll gnaw on him so whenever he has to lift them off the kitchen counter, he puts his hands behind their front legs and lifts them “Simba-in-lion-king style” which has you wheezing
- sighs when he sees that you bought new cat trinkets
- he lets you change his phone screens and widgets to cat pictures and memes because you were bored and already did yours
- complains when you show him the matching pjs you bought with paw prints all over but you catch him wearing them in a FaceTime call
- you once played with your monsters and ended up with little drips of blood all over from scratches and bite marks (accidental, the monsters can get quite into the games) and he panicked
- you heard him scolding the cats after he cleaned you up and took a video of it. you still teases him about it sometimes
LANDO🍊
- is a dog person but also loves your hairy ankle biters
- asks max about how to woo your cats. max just makes fun of him and leaves him to suffer like a real bestie.
- whenever he opens your front door, he knows he has 0.2 seconds to enter and close it before they come running and try to get out. he once let them out and had to run after them in your building stairs
- loves to come up to them when they’re sleeping and pinch their belly to annoy them
- sends you pics of everything cat-related he sees when he travels, as well as pics of real cats
- his jpg account is filled with his little family (you and your cats) and their crimes (the bite marks adorning his legs and you laughing in the background)
- when you move together, the cats know exactly when he starts streaming and run to the room he’s in, causing ruckus and showing the viewers just how little power Lando has over the cuties
- he closes the door once but immediately opens it when he hears a loud thud, one of the cats running straight into the door because it’s never ever closed. the video of him crying in laughter on the floor as the kitty meows in annoyance gets all over social medias and everyone teases him about being a bad cat dad
- takes the tiny menace in his arms when he’s finally able to stop sobbing and shows everyone they’re fine
450 notes · View notes
lorarri · 24 days
Text
★ . . . 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐀 , 𝐅𝟏 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐃
summary , a series where formula one drivers go on buzzfeed iconic series and read thirst tweets about themselves, their partners and everything in between
status , coming soon
main masterlist | f1 masterlist | f1 grid masterlist
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ALEX VERSION , alex goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
ARTHURS VERSION , arthurs goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
CARLOS VERSION , carlos goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
CHARLES VERSION , charles goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
DANIEL VERSION , daniel goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
ESTEBAN VERSION , esteban goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
FERNANDO VERSION , fernando goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
GEORGE VERSION , george goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
JENSON VERSION , jenson goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
KIMI VERSION , kimi goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
LANCE VERSION , lance goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
LANDO VERSION , lando goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
LEWIS VERSION , lewis goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
LIAM VERSION , liam goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
LOGAN VERSION , logan goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
MAX VERSION , max goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
MICK VERSION , mick goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
MARK VERSION , mark goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
NICO VERSION , nico goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
OLLIE VERSION , ollie goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
OSCAR VERSION , oscar goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
PIERRE VERSION , pierre goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
SEBASTIAN VERSION , sebastian goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
TOTO VERSION , toto goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
YUKI VERSION , yuki goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
ZHOU VERSION , zhou goes on buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about him? no more like about his amazing girlfriend and their sex life
part 2
340 notes · View notes
agendabymooner · 3 months
Text
SOMETHING AGREEABLE !!! ESTEBAN O. X FEM!READER X PIERRE G. (18+)
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summary: the two alpine drivers were always thought to have been rivals. but little did people know, they’ve always had an affinity for one thing and she was something of a middle ground for them.
content warning: smut under the cut (minors dni!), blurb because i’m tryna get out of a writing slump, explicit language, double penetration, dumbification and size kink if you squint, mentions of team relationships (drivers friendships etc), french dialogue
note: “we have a french sandwich at home” the french sandwich at home:
enjoy xx
something sinful (smut) masterlist
a - n masterlist // o - z masterlist
if you’d like to get on one of my taglists, check this post out
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people always assumed that the two alpine drivers were nothing but rivals within close proximity. 
they always wondered how esteban ocon and pierre gasly interacted off the track and during their meetings, and if they were on each other’s throats all the time. 
both men had scoffed when they were asked about their relationship off the track— and how they were often pit against each other. 
pierre thought that this was outrageous that he even dropped names of teams that showed lack of off-track friendships or even relationships, telling the reporter that not even his best friend charles leclerc and carlos sainz had something of a friendship away from the cameras. 
esteban and pierre’s friendship was genuine, unlike most people in the grid. even if the alpine duo would argue, they’d always find a middle ground. 
one in the form of a woman, who was stuck between two bodies as esteban and pierre fucked her whilst her lips offered nothing but silent gasps and incoherent mumbles. 
esteban’s arms hooked under her legs as he devoured her mouth sweetly, his cock pistoning in and out of her cunt and making lewd noises as he did so. he hadn’t even allowed her to hook her legs around his hips, instead he lifted her as he thrusted and out of her while he stood. 
she could feel her heart beat rapidly moving, saliva sliding down her bare tits as she craved for more. 
“une fille si impatiente,” such an eager girl. esteban tutted, wiping the liquid off her lips away as he continued to bottom out inside of her. “do you like that, mon cherie?” 
“ye- yeah,” she stammered quietly, crying out when pierre thrusted inside her hole and bottomed out as well. she sunk into both of their cocks, her holes completely filled by their girth and length as she babbled, “oh, oh- fuck. ‘m so full.” 
“yes you are, bebe,” pierre growled from behind her as he and esteban began to thrust inside her. he then taunted her and nipped her ear, “si serré pour nous. est-ce que tu aimes ça? se faire baiser plein de nos bites?” so tight for us. do you like this? being fucked full of our cocks?
she wasn’t able to pick up on any words after they began to move once more, her mind going on an overdrive as the two men took over her senses and had her brain melting. her mind was overwhelmed with pleasure and the feeling of both of their cocks inside her holes. 
“she can’t even speak,” esteban smiled smugly when she uttered nothing but a silent scream, her eyes rolling back as esteban repeatedly hit the sensitive spot inside her pussy. “i think we fucked her too much.” he laughed with pierre. 
pierre’s hands snaked around her stomach as he murmured, “look at you, bebe. i can feel estie’s dick inside of you. so big no?”
“mm,” she cried quietly, now being lifted up and down by esteban and pierre as they increased their pace. “oh fuck! s’good. please fuck me harder, please.” 
pierre merely looked at esteban and exchanged smiles with him, eager to fuck her as she wanted. 
after all, she was someone that they could always agree on. talk about real friendship.
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♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @topguncultleader @enhacolor @roseandtulips @woweewoowa @magnummagnussen @happy-nico @architect-2015
♡   moony’s reminder 🅴 (explicit edition): @glitterf1 @savrose129 @maxillness
365 notes · View notes
f1letters · 1 year
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f1letters' formula 1 fic recs - pt. 2
✨ PART 1 here ✨
first, a big shout out to @tinydancerjj for asking me for recs and inspiring me to make a part 2 - this one is for you! 💜
since I've been away from writing for a while, I think the least I can do to thank you all for your patience and the kind way you've always treated me is to list a few more of my favourite stories for you! once again, I tried to include a variety of different drivers to the best of my ability!
I honestly love doing these types of lists, so I hope you enjoy it and, like I said in part 1, please check out these amazing and talented writers!
love you all 💜 - cat
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max verstappen | mv1
'the one' || @estevries
'devil on your shoulder' || @libraryofloveletters
'prove it' || @severalforraelee || 18 parts + extras
'brother in law' || @unluckyhoneybee || 2 parts
'baby pink' || @tierneysodegaard || 3 parts
daniel ricciardo | dr3
'the red string of me and you' || @libraryofloveletters
'the 1' || @lxclerc
'the best man' || @monzamash
'baby steps' || @vinvantae || 26 parts
'waterloo' || @vinvantae || 15 parts
lando norris | ln4
'fwb' || @f1goat || 11 parts
'a golf swing and a trampoline' || @jamminvroomvroom || 3 parts
'that's my sister' || @paddockbunny
'inappropriate' || @xhopelesslyromanticx
'twin' || @illicitlimerence-writes
pierre gasly | pg10
'just a little bit of you heart' || @silverstonesainz
charles leclerc | cl16
'stay, at least for breakfast' || @leclsrc
'see it through' || @leclsrc
'love you goodbye' || @lxclerc
'the winner takes it all' || @silverstonesainz || 5 parts
'secrets he'll keep' || @hey-kae || 2 parts
lance stroll | ls18
'après ski' || @mignonricciardo
'daddy's biggest fan' || @libraryofloveletters
'spotter' || @goodguylance
zhou guanyu | zg24
'starstrukk' || @lovelytsunoda
esteban ocon | eo31
'not that serious' || @libraryofloveletters
lewis hamilton | lh44
'our cave, collapsing' || @lewisyellowhelmet || 2 parts
'this won't pass' || @lewisloved
mick schumacher | ms47
'disapproval' || @holllandtrash
'staying away' || @lxclerc
'too little, too late' || @silverstonesainz
'mr. nice guy' || @leclsrc
carlos sainz | cs55
'the dining room' || @silverstonesainz
'ceilings' || @silverstonesainz
'written in the book of faith' || @libraryofloveletters
'has yet to pass' || @leclsrc
'a certain romance' || @leclsrc
george russell | gr63
'peace' || @illicitlimerence-writes
'upper hand' || @jamminvroomvroom || 7 parts
multiple drivers
'she will be loved' || @boredmadamoiselle || cl16 x lh44
'does he know?' || @clxja16 || cl16 x arthur leclerc || 3 parts
'the better series' || @holllandtrash || ln4 x pg10 || 7 parts
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PS: if you want, feel free to leave your recommendations in the comments and/or message me! i'm always looking for new fics to read and I'd love to know your favourites! 💜
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1K notes · View notes
miloformula123fan · 23 days
Text
for 150 followers, I am announcing my big current project - the bachelor, but f1 style.
basically, i was talking to leo about how they should decide the mercedes seat bachelor style, which descended into this.
how it will work:
once i publish a chapter, i will also publish a poll - this poll will be WHO TO ELIMINATE, NOT who stays.
whoever 'wins' that poll will be eliminated and we will continue the remaining contestants
i will publish the first chapter 'soon-ish', so you're not voting off the moodboard, don't worry
the moodboards do have some easter eggs for the future, relying on them not being eliminated.
also yes i fiddled with the ages, deal with it.
so - meet your contestants
y/n y/l/n, 25, f1 driver for aston martin - the bachelor
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and the people vying for his heart
kimi raikkonen, 34, financier from finland
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2. logan sargeant, 23, dj from usa
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3. daniel ricciardo, 33, photographer from australia
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4. alex albon, 27, lawyer from thailand
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5. mark webber, 37, bodyguard from australia
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6. liam lawson, 22, firefighter from new zealand
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7. fernando alonso, 42, physio from spain
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8. esteban ocon, 27, baker from france
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9. yuki tsunoda, 23, chef from japan
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10. carlos sainz, 29, football player from spain
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11. lance stroll, 25, heir from canada
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12. max verstappen, 26, cat shelter owner and vet from the netherlands
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13. sebastian vettel, 36, florist, conservationist and activist from germany
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14. oscar piastri, 22, author from australia
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15. mick schumacher, 24, surfer from germany
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16. nico rosberg, 38, philanthropist from germany
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17. arthur leclerc, 24, model from monaco
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18. lewis hamilton, 38, model from the uk
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19. george russell, 26, CLASSIFIED from the uk
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20. jenson button, 34, artist from the uk
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21. charles leclerc, 26, fashion designer from monaco
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22. pierre gasly, 28, lead singer of a boy band from france
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23. lando norris, 24, twitch streamer from the uk
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24. toto wolff, 41, ceo billionaire from austria
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25. susie wolff, 31, girlboss from scotland
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---
taglist of people who i think may be interested in this (but let me know if you want to be added or removed):
@leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @badblondebisexualboy, @ghostking4m
158 notes · View notes
old-lorarri · 2 months
Text
꒰꒰ ‧₊˚𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐘 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄 ─ 𝐅𝟏 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐃 ˚₊· ꒱꒱
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─ summary . . . ❨ a k-pop idols former job is reveled and people a begging for her to return - even if it just for a day ❩ ─ pairing . . . ❨ platonic! f1 grid x fem! former f2 driver! kpop idol! reader ❩ ─ genre . . . ❨ social media file ❩ ─ author note . . . ❨ this idea was so cool to do and I really loved doing it so enjoy! ❩
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❨ taglist | masterlist ❩
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VANITY FAIR → LE SSERAFIM TEST HOW WELL THEY KNOW EACH OTHER
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yourinstagram . 4hrs ago
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seen by charles_leclerc landonorris 78,364,987 others
f1
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liked by yourinstagram lewishamilton 98,437,987 others
f1 we invited former F2 driver back to the grid so she returned the favor by inviting the F1 & F2 grid to a LE SSERAFIM concert and she slayed!!!
view comments
user I need a supportive friends like this
user admin is like us fr
user THE CROSS OVER OF THE CENTURY
user f1 and f2 drivers are all fearnot's confirmed
user multiverse of madness yall
user this asn't on my 2024 bingo card
user okay but mother ate
user the facts that EVERYONE came to show show speaks VOLUME
view more comments
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─ requested by . . .
anon ─ platonic! grid x kpop idol! reader who use to be an f2 driver but quit to become an idol?
887 notes · View notes
Text
🏁 Winner, winner, chicken dinner - EO31
SUMMARY: Social media au, y/n is an f1 driver for porsche. 2 best friends finally get a clue. PAIRING: Esteban ocon x fem!reader
Y/N13
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Liked by Estebanocon and others
Y/N13 Proud of porsche 🖤
Sorry to end silly season before it begins, but here's to another year!
View all comments...
Estebanocon how long did that take you to think of?
↳ Y/N13 dont...
↳ User1 not him exposing her like that 💀
User2 yesss! Our queen is slaying staying
PorscheF1 We'd want no one else! 🔥💛
↳ alex_albon do I mean nothing to you?
↳ Y/N13 I love you Porsche admin 😍😍
↳ PorscheF1 😳
↳ Estebanocon stop flirting with the poor admin
↳ landnorris jealous? 🤨
↳ User5 ok Grandpa, lets get you into bed
User3 Can't wait to watch next weeks gp
User4 I'm taking time off work to watch next weeks grand prix! Cant wait to see you smash it, Hungary here i come!!
User5 She's such a porsche girly, I'm living for it
User6 I dont want, I NEED that jacket
↳ User5 ikr, its GORGEOUS
Estebanocon
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Liked by Y/N13, fernandoalo_oficial and others
Estebanocon I don't know what to write I'm lost for words we just won the Hungarian @ f1GrandPrix i will forever remember this moment!!🔥 Thank you to @ alpinef1team, without them I would not have made it, and what a drive by the legend himself @ fernandoalo_oficial he's part of this too
View all comments...
alpinef1team 🔥🔥
↳ User6 alpine fr love their fire emojis
↳ alpinef1team 🔥
Y/N13 King of long captions and king of the podium!
↳ Estebanocon let me celebrate in peace
↳ User5 Mum help, they're flirting again
↳ User7 you are delulu
User8 You only got that win cause of Fernando clown 🤡
User9 💩
User10 Not the toxic Fernando fan boys in the comments 💀
fernandoalo_oficial Congrats 😁👍
↳ Estebanocon next win is yours 😉
Y/N13 added to her story!
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Y/N13 Estie my bestie, we party like no others.
Reply...
landonorris I was there too you know
Y/N13 🥱
landonorris Of course you're only focused on him
Y/N13 whats that supposed to mean?
landonorris nothinggggg ;)
lando.jpg
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Liked by Y/N13, charles_leclerc and others
lando.jpg Podium pals 😎
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User11 She looks like a godess... And they're... there.
Y/N13 Did Estie dirty there lmao
↳ lando.jpg Estie? interesting
↳ User5 HA he's so us
User6 lando got those moves 🕺
Estebanocon It was a great night to end a great day
mclaren looking good Lando! 🔥
charles_leclerc This is charles erasure
↳ lando.jpg Next time dont DNF then 🤷‍♂️
↳ User15 He didnt 💀
User14 Ocon embracing the squirrel
F1gossip
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Liked by landonorris and others
F1gossip seems it's not just lando norris who got tired during the Belgian GP! Y/n L/n and Esteban Ocon caught snuggling up during the red flag
View all comments...
User5 INTERESTING
User15 They're childhood friends, obviously they're comfy with eachother
↳ User16 Let us L/nOcon shippers live in delusion ok
User17 When is it my tuuuurn
User18 why is no one talking about how cute lando looks
User19 Lando in the liiiikes??
↳ User20 He's the #1 f1 gossiper, of course he's in the likes
Y/N13
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Liked by alex_albon and others
Y/N13 And thats how you celebrate P2
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User16 Who's the person you're playing uno with?
↳ landonorris Ocon obviously
↳ User1 More importantly who won
↳ User3 As if Y/n would ever let a man beat her
Liked by Y/N13
↳ User8 She did in the race today
↳ User5 You did NOT, thats FOUL
Estebanocon I'm not accepting this slander, I beat her
↳ Y/N13 LIES
maxverstappen1 Congrats on P2, offended you didn't come out partying with us
↳ Y/N13 But merlin...
↳ User15 She's so real for choosing to watch her fave show instead of going out partying
PorscheF1 p1 here we come! 🏆🔥
↳ User21 why do all admins love the fire emoji?
↳ PorscheF1 🔥
↳ mclaren 🔥
↳ alpinef1team 🔥
landonorris You watched merlin WITHOUT ME???
↳ Y/N13 sucks to suck ig
↳ landonorris :(
User6 Her celebrating her podium with him instead of the rest of the grid 😚
↳ User10 It's so cute
↳ User22 I dont get it, are they dating
↳ landonorris not yet
↳ User5 He ships it harder than us i swear
User23 Soft launch?
↳ User24 They're BEST FRIENDS, this is not a soft launch 😭
Y/N13
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Liked by Estebanocon, landonorris and others
Y/N13 Happy birthday Estie bestie, 15 in a caravan turned to 25 in an f1 car so quick 🖤
View all comments...
Estebanocon I hate you
↳ Y/N13 you love meeee
↳ landnorris Just kiss already pls
Liked by Estebanocon
↳ User5 Ayo?
User17 The media team did NOT see this one looool
User5 Bestie, the last pic I-
User23 I love it when me and my bestfriend cuddle all platonic style, jokingly flirt and have date nights... girl who you fooling?
User18 He's so baby girl
User15 They're in love
↳ User24 You're delusional (I believe you)
Y/N13
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Liked by PorscheF1, charles_leclerc and others
Y/N13 Winner winner chicken dinner, what more can I say?
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User5 How about explaining that kiss!!??!?!
PorscheF1 Could not be prouder.
User25 Girl, WHAT does that mean?
landonorris Next step, first ever joint championship 😎
↳ Y/N13 in your dreams buddy
↳ landonorris i dont deserve this
Estebanocon We only know how to win
charles_leclerc Best person to share a podium with
↳ maxverstappen1 What am i?
↳ charles_leclerc a pain
F1gossip
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Liked by User5 and others
F1gossip Passionate displays from Y/n after her first Grand prix win, rushing off the podium to kiss childhood friend Esteban Ocon. Does this reveal a secret side to their relationship? Or was it a heat of the moment decision?
View all comments...
User5 WE WON
User24 The pining is overrrr
User22 Y/n and Esteban finally getting together WAS on my 2021 bingo card!
↳ User26 Be honest, how many years has it been on there?
↳ User22 ....
Estebanocon
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Liked by landonorris, Y/N13 and others
Estebanocon the spider to my man
View all comments...
Y/N13 you think you're smooth
↳ Estebanocon the smoothest
Y/N13 finally get to say i love youuuuuuu (in a non platonic way!!)
↳ Estebanocon I'll help you reach any apple you want
↳ User20 everyday i wake up knowing ill never have this
User6 I have to know, @ landonorris how much of this was you?
↳ landonorris at least 60%
↳ User14 Only 60?
↳ landonorris the pining was crazy
Y/N13
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Liked by alex_albon, Estebanocon and others
Y/N13 finally got a clue
Estebanocon only took 20 years
385 notes · View notes
folkloresthings · 9 months
Text
TOLERATE IT / FA14.
in which the older sister of lando norris finds herself teetering dangerously towards the precipice of her brother’s, significantly older, colleague.
( fernando alonso x norris!reader )
track one: gold rush. track two: delicate. track three: labyrinth. track four: false god. track five: happiness. track six: the 1. track seven: daylight. track eight: lover.
✩⡱ warnings: age gap! reader is 25, fernando is 41. some cursing and sexual references.
INSTAGRAM.
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liked by pierregasly, christianhorner, and 938,847 others
f1 We are so delighted to announce our new F1 x Red Cross Ambassador, Y/N Norris! Y/N went straight from Oxford University into the world of charity work. She has worked with the Red Cross for over 4 years and will now be working alongside Formula 1 in our ongoing support of the charity’s campaigns. Keep an eye out for our future fundraising events, auctions, and other exciting things!
view all 798,211 comments
landonorris go sister that’s my sister!!
danielricciardo does this mean more y/n in the paddock? because that will make race weekend so much more enjoyable
⤷ yourusername indeed it will honey badger 🫡 if you ever need a sub to drive for you, i’m in
user nepo baby job. she’s only working with f1 because her brother’s lando norris
⤷ user it’s f1 we’re talking about, they’re ALL nepo babies. at least y/n has been working with charities for years, it’s not completely random
fernandoalo_official great news!! see you on the paddock yourusername
comment liked by yourusername and 849 others
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hungary was warmer than you had expected, that humid sort of heat that made you feel yucky no matter how many times you’d showered. but amongst the sea of sweaty drivers and mechanics, it could have felt much worse. lando had given you the grand tour of the paddock and track but duty called, and with your brother called off to some interview, you were left trackside.
there were no cars due to be on the track, so you were able to get as close as possibly. for years you’d gone to your brothers races, listened to his fanatic rants, and tried so hard to understand why he loved the sport so much. but now, standing and looking out at the quiet track, you started to understand the beauty.
“hello, again.” you jumped a little, the voice cutting through the peace. when you turned, you found fernando on the other side of the pit wall, looking at you through the gap in the fence. you chuckled, feeling caught, looking up at him.
“hi there,” you greeted, blinking innocently. but behind those eyes were little innocence, same as his own. you hadn’t slept with the driver, you weren’t that quick, but the night he’d spent in your apartment was long. wondering kisses, stolen touches, hesitance to leave. you both wanted more, but neither wanted to give in.
“you’re tagging along for the season, then?” he asks, eyes gleaming with possibility. you nod, humming quietly. as excited as you were for this job, another kind of excitement came knowing you’d be seeing fernando every weekend. “first time in hungary?”
“no, second. i travelled with some of my girlfriends during uni and we stopped in budapest for a few days — though i don’t remember most of it,” you admitted, cheeks turning red at the memory. he laughed, head thrown back with pure delight. it made your stomach twist endlessly.
“well, let me refresh your memory. i’ll take you to dinner tonight,” he offers, charming as ever. your brows raise, trying to differentiate his flirtations from his sincerity. “consider it a congratulations on the new job.”
you’re getting ready to refuse, knowing how lando would react and the complications it would bring, when fernando’s hand slipped through the pit wall railing, brushing over yours until it rests on top. you look down, noticing just how much bigger his hand is than yours. stronger, too, with more defined knuckles and much more worn down from years of driving.
“please say yes,” he whispers, even though there’s no one else around, and squeezes your hand softly. you sigh, meeting his deadly gaze once more.
“alright. but i want italian food.”
INSTAGRAM.
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liked by charles_leclerc, fernandoalo_official, and 877,153 other
yourusername how’d you turn it right around?
view all 619,553 comments
user A MAN’S HAND
lilymhe literally the prettiest girl ever
carlossainz55 hermosa 😍
⤷ user is carlos the mystery man ??????
landonorris i let you out of my sight for five minutes JEEZ
landonorris now who is he so i can break his hands
TWITTER.
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IMESSAGE.
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writers note: lando stop cockblocking. also that b&w pic of flo is one of my favourites ever i can’t stop staring at it
1K notes · View notes
lewisvinga · 2 months
Text
out of my league | esteban ocon x fem! reader
summary; no one believes that esteban ocon is dating someone, much less the y/n l/n. even through countless of soft launches, no one believes him until she finally posts him after winning a grammy
fc; karol g , mi reina , my madre , mi ídolo
warnings; cursing
taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1
notes; requested !
masterlist !
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estebanocon uploaded to their story !
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[caption 1; good morning🎀] [caption 2; guess what we did today😁😁]
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liked by estebanocon, francisca.cgomes, and others !
yourusername: GUESS WHO JUST WON A GRAMMY🥹💗🩵🌈 mañana será bonito [tomorrow will be beautiful] was an album i worked hard on for soo long. it was happy enough to see everyone enjoy it but winning a grammy? unbelievable 🫶🫶 huge thanks to the ones who have supported me, especially to my amazing boyfriend, esteban ocon, (yes guys we’re actually dating, i’ve just been shy for the actual hard launch) who always supports me even from miles and miles away💓💓💓 i love u and i love all the y/ners 🫶🫶
tagged; estebanocon
estebanocon: i’ve been saying for years you’re my girlfriend! you’re just out of my league 🤣
estebanocon: so proud of you, chérie, you deserve it ❤️
yourusername: estieeee 🥹i love u sm🙁🫶
username: SHES ACTUALLY DATING HIM??
username: awh she was just shy abt hard launching 🥺
username: mi reina
username: the only deserving grammy winner
username: mañana será bonito will forever be THAT album
username: no way ur actually dating a vroom vroom boy😣
username: awhhh mother y/n and estie bestie are so cute 🥹
lilymhe: so proud!!!!!! my best friend has a grammy!! liked by yourusername !
lance_stroll: congratulations! i was rooting for you! liked by yourusername !
username: now we gotta see her on the paddock, i know her fits would eat.
username: they’ve been soft launching for YEARSS and no one believed esteban i’m hollering 😭😭😭😭
username: esteban was like ‘no guys it’s true i swear’ n we didn’t believe estie bestie oops😞
username: her n esteban are soooo cute together 🙁🙁🙁
username: the way nobody believed estie bestie 😔😔 save him fr
username: mi reina con mi piloto favorito wow 😍😍😍[my queen w my fave driver]
username: MOTHER DESERVED THAT GRAMMY AND HER VROOM VROOM BOY
username: we lost a bad bitch ladies and gentlemen 🕊️🕊️
username: she’s been lost, just no one believed him😭😭
yourusername uploaded to their story !
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[caption 1; post grammy celebration!] [caption 2; for my estie bestie] [caption 3; my love 🥹💓☀️]
estebanocon uploaded to their story !
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[caption 1; can’t believe you’re all mine, my grammy winner! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨❤️] [caption 2; another full picture of us so you can all believe we’re dating🥸 yes she’s out of my league and yes i managed to pull her. don’t ask me how 😌]
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