#then asking me invasive questions about my sexuality and love life

[from-beyond]

I am having a pretty shitty day, squad! 

#ej.txt #i felt like an idiot in production this morning because I couldn't figure out Adobe Premier and I fell behind the rest of the class #and had to stay after to finish the assignment #and THEN i went to my second class only to find out this one dude has added that class #we had classs together last semester and he made me uncomfortable by drunk messaging me on Facebook AND Instagram (on the same night) #then asking me invasive questions about my sexuality and love life #(also he's 35) #i was so relieved to NOT have classes with him this semester but i guess I spoke too soon #shit like that always makes me just feel gross and violated so i had anxiety all day #and then in my film class i wanted to participate in the discussion but i had a migrane and kept stuttering #so i just gave up and stopped trying #and now im convinced my film prof is disappointed in me and thinks im an idiot and doesnt like me and wishes i would drop etc #i am prob on pms :( #and now I gotta go back home this weekend to see my sister who i don't really get along with #and my family always fights when shes visiting so great. something to look forward to

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Read It and Weep- Part 3

Pairing: NFL!Player!Rafe Cameron x Journalist!Reader

Summary: After a game following a win against their rivals, Sports journalist Y/n is resting out in the tunnel, planning an interview when the team exits from the locker room, Rafe immediately spots her and sparks up a conversation that ends with a phone number and something that makes the team go crazy.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Swearing, sexual tension, slow burn guys, stay focused.

Song: "All American Bitch" by Olivia Rodrigo

A/n: I'm back and it's returned! Please go get caught up on parts 1 and 2 that are in my Rafe masterlist. Now that NFL season is started back up again, I'm so so so interested in writing this again.

It’s almost as if he took as much time away from the game, during the game, as he possibly could. He’d score a touchdown and make his way over to me in the endzone, checking in on me, making sure ‘no other attractive football players took me down since the last time we spoke’, his words, not mine. He’d fling his helmet down and toss me a wink from across the field which caused the other reporters around me to start asking pestering and invasive questions about my possible love life- a love life that didn’t concern them in the slightest yet they acted as if they were entitled to my whole life story just because of my sudden closeness with Rafe.

They won the game, it was a no-brainer from the beginning, with Greg and Rafe working like a well-oiled machine and knocking out touchdown after touchdown while our defense held back the offensive side from the other team. We killed it- they killed it collectively and beat the opposing team 30 to 0 without mercy. 

My goal was to interview some of the more quiet members of our team today following their celebration in the locker room, needing their opinions on the game and how they feel about their winning season. I know that it’s not what I’m supposed to do, I’m supposed to be gaining the attention of the two star players, Greg and Rafe, and how they feel but since everyone twists every piece I do on Rafe, it’s nearly impossible for me to write about him and actually be taken seriously. 

My eyes linger from my bag and my notes in my lap, catching  Rafe and Greg out of the corner of my eyes, along with the rest of the players that spill out of the locker room to my right with a cheer, cigars tipped off their lips as their happy smiles shine. This game was important to them beyond belief, with it being against of NFL rivals of this season, one that we just kept losing to but today was finally a comeback for our underdog team. I imagine that they’ll all go out to the strip clubs tonight and get overly hammered like they usually do. 

Except for the men that are married, they go home to their wives and kids.

Hopefully. 

Rafe sees me almost immediately as he turns his head and spots me sitting in a pile of my own notes and I watch as his nimble fingers pull the cigar from his smile as smoke billows out from between his lips, his feet carrying him towards me in slow, nervous steps. 

I try to act busy, to bury myself in my bag as I shove my equipment back into the mesh but I can’t keep my eyes off of him for long, watching the way the fabric of his t-shirt stretches around his biceps, sweat lining the collar around his neck. He looks so happy, eyes so eager as he finds himself right before me, towering over me with confidence as he reaches out to help me stand up from the ground.

“Hi.” He says sweetly, eyes raking up and down my figure, briefly catching on my bare legs.

“Hi.” I breathe, soothing my hands down my thighs in an attempt to seem put together but with the wind blowing through the tunnel, I nearly blow over but Rafe’s quick to steady me by the waist. “Nice game. How does it feel to be America’s sweetheart?” He grins at my question, eyes flickering away from me and back at the team momentarily to catch them ogling us with bright smiles and the attention makes my cheeks warm.

“Pretty damn good.” He sucks in a breath, eyes flickering towards the end of the tunnel at the reporters lined up like wild animals, calling out his name in a desperate attempt to get his attention. If I listen hard enough, I hear my name too after his own and it makes my heart stop. 

“Are you going out to celebrate?” I ask, blue eyes beaming down at me as he gives me a simple shrug and a nod, chuckling at the whooping behind him from the boys calling his name, urging him to hurry up but his eyes are on me.

“Yeah. Wanna join?” He asks with a hopeful look but my shoulders fall, the stinging in my temples reminding me that I have much-needed duties to attend to in the form of self-care and maybe a bottle of Pedialyte.

“I’m really excited just to go home and rest, honestly. I’ve got a pounding headache.” I frown, tapping a finger against my forehead as another zap of pain shoots up the back of my head, pulling a worried look from the wide receiver in front of me, his brows furrowing and lips fanning out into a thin line as I pout.

“Are you okay?” He asks, eyes flickering back and forth between mine and I give him a half-assed nod, trying to convince him well enough to leave it alone. “You sure?” He sounds so soft and so concerned at the tone of his voice makes me fold, my hand reaching out to rest on his bicep, giving it a gentle squeeze and pulling his concerned eyes away from my face, to my small hand that rests on his skin.

“Promise, Rafe.”

“Well, look who is it-” An annoying voice from behind Rafe has me pulling my hand away from him and Rafe lets out a dramatic groan, reaching behind him and grabbing Greg by the shoulders, pushing him away with a decent amount of force, enough force to have Greg stumbling backward.

“Bye, Greg!” Rafe calls out with an eye-roll and turns back to me with a frown, muttering a small ‘sorry’ under his breath and I just shrug, knowing that Greg’s main goal is to annoy the living shit out of his best friend. 

“Ouch,” Greg mutters and rubs his shoulder with a huff. “Don’t injure my throwing arm.” He holds his arms up in surrender and backs away from us with a pout and I bite back a much-needed giggle, almost relieved that he went away and left the two of us alone.

“You’re getting good at that.” I chuckle and he nods with tired eyes.

“Yeah, I’m busy- he should know that by now.” He says, his voice dripping with something more meaningful and I feel my stomach flip, my eyes widening briefly before I remind myself to be cool and to not completely fawn over every attractive word that escapes his plump lips.

 “Fans are starting to claim the only reason you’re coming to the endzone is to see me.” I flirt with a devilish smirk, fighting the urge to reach up and start twirling my hair because that would make me look like every other bimbo who throws themselves at him. But what can I say, I’m not that much different at this point.

“May or may not be one of the driving factors.” He shrugs sheepishly and I feel my cheeks warm.

“Yeah?” I pause, biting at my lip as his blue-green eyes stare down at me, a heavy, heated pause between us, one that makes my toes curl and head spin as we stare at each other.  “It was nice to see you so often. Four whole touchdowns in one game?”   

“What can I say, my motives are motivating.” He reaches out, brushing his hand against mine before locking his pinky with my own and I laugh breathlessly, now definitely making a fool out of myself with how heavy I’m breathing.

“You’re sweet.” I’m flushing I’m sure, I can feel it, the heat crawling up the back of my neck as I slip my hand out of his and check the time on my wrist, not wanting to leave but knowing that it’s time to go and with how the boys are yelling at him to come on, he has to go too. “I have to go but I’ll catch you later?” I smile, going to walk away from him but he reaches out to grab my upper arm.

“Hey wait.” He fishes for something in his pocket and pulls out a small piece of paper, slipping it into my hands without warning before pressing a simple and surprising kiss to my cheek. “It was nice seeing you again, Y/n.” The boys are screaming down the tunnel from us and he laughs coyly, backing up slowly and leaving me in a puddle. “Text me.”

-

Tucking myself into bed, I stare at my phone that sits on the nightstand beside me with my lip between my teeth, thinking about texting him and the consequences that could come from bridging that gap. I could just go to sleep, ignore the pounding in my skull and the nausea sitting at the back of my throat, but instead, all my brain wants me to do is pick up my phone and ask Rafe how his celebration went. 

I could text him just a simple hi, turn my phone off, go to bed, and hopefully wake up to a message from him. Or I could text him and get a ‘who’s this’ response and cry myself to sleep out of pure embarrassment. Who’s to say that he doesn’t do this often? Maybe he just wants to get in my pants so desperately that he would flirt with me and make a huge spectacle over it just to gain media attention and publicity. Maybe all I am to him is attention. 

Saying fuck it, I grab my phone, log in and find Rafe’s contact without hesitation, pressing the new message button with butterflies in my stomach. My fingers are shaking as I type something out, hesitating before pressing send with an excited squeal. Me: Having fun and getting into trouble without me?

#rafe #rafe x reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #outerbanks #outerbanks fic #rafe cameron smut #rafe smut #rafe fic #rafe cameron fic #outerbanks series

[its-pip-art]

The Unbearable Weight of Tenderness

Pairing: Astarion x Female Dark Urge

Rating: Explicit/18+Warnings (will be added as the series progresses): Elves. Blood drinking. Biting. Sexual tension. Mentions of past abuse. Manipulation. Explicit smut (eventually). Slow burn. Like...really slow. Mutual pining. A nickname that is hated at first but then so so loved.

Chapter 1: Suspicious

Chapter Two: Friends

Antillia stared at Astarion’s tent. It was early, the earliest she had been up since she could remember (only weeks, but still, the earliness of it felt monumental) and she was completely and irrevocably focused on the minute movements she could hear within said tent. The moment she had seen Astarion sneak off she knew she had to confront him, and when she saw him return to his tent covered in blood she knew it had to be that morning. The other members of camp and not yet stirred, but Astarion had been awake for some time. Antillia watched his pale hand emerge from the din and she stood straight and braced herself with clenched fists. 

Astarion ducked out of his tent and was immediately apprehended by Antillia. “Ah, you’re up early.” 

“Are you a vampire?” Antillia asked directly.

Astarion stepped back, eyes wide, “What on earth makes you think that? Of course I’m not.” 

“You’re the palest person to walk Faerun, you sneak off at night, there was that dead boar the other day that you were super weird about-…” Antillia’s eyes drifted past him and she caught a rare glimpse inside his tent, “there’s a jar of red liquid right there.” She pointed in accusation. “And I have never seen you eat.”

Astarion’s jaw hung, “I - I’m into necromancy.” He tried to knock Antillia off the scent. There was a heaviness to his limbs.

Antillia’s invasive gaze narrowed. “I thought you were a magistrate?” 

“And people can be pale, Antillia.” 

Antillia continued to glare at him. “They can be, but rarely are people as pale as the moon.” She yelped when Astarion grabbed her by the arm and yanked her inside his tent. Her eyes darted around the tent to search for any further evidence before she was unceremoniously slaughtered - if Gale found her corpse he would at least cast Speak with Dead on her and she could spill all of the beans on their traitorous vampire comrade. 

“Please don’t tell the others,” Astarion said quietly as he released her arm. He tutted at her face wrought with obnoxious glory.

Antillia’s victorious smile softened to comfort him, “I wasn’t planning on it, I just wanted to know for my own sake.” The darkness around them felt safer now that she knew, she closed the space between them and her eyes devoured him. “How are you able to walk in the sun?” 

Astarion could hear the rhythmic thrum of her heart and from that calmness in her chest he believed that she had no ulterior motive. “It has to be the tadpole, I…I couldn’t do this before. I couldn’t do anything before.” His muscles began to coil under her scrutiny and he stepped back, “Look, I don’t know why this happened, I don’t know why I can walk in the sun again, or why I can cross running water - I don’t know why I’m still starving or why I can’t see this face…” He quieted for a moment and his gaze met hers, he wondered how her black eyes seemed to glitter in the darkness they were shrouded in… ‘the magic of wizards, perhaps.’ He thought. “But I know that I am better off here, sleeping in the dirt with strangers.” 

Antillia bowed her head slightly and offered a smile, “I count you as a friend if that helps.”

Astarion found a short laugh. “It doesn’t, but thank you for trying to comfort me after you rudely imposed such a line of questioning upon me.” He paused and watched her raptly. “Making friends doesn’t come naturally to you, does it?” Not that he had any clue on how to build a friendship, either, but he had certainly read about it enough to know that direct questions about life-altering secrets weren’t on the top of the list. ‘At least she had the good sense to do it whilst the others were asleep.’ He thanked the Gods for small mercies.

Antillia shrugged, “I wouldn’t know, I can’t remember anything before the beach.” 

Astarion’s eyebrows flew up his forehead. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?” 

“I lied, sorry, I remember waking up on the ship - but before that there’s nothing.” Antillia rectified her previous statement. “At first I thought it was the tadpole, but I’ve been listening to everyone else talk about the before times and I realised this isn’t an us problem, it’s a me problem.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” Astarion was the one closing the distance between them this time to study her. He had noticed oddities, of course, most people were inherently strange - especially wizards. She seemed to have more than the average weirdo, however. He had noticed the long scar across her neck and how she reflexively opted for physical violence instead of casting spells. But oddest of all was her urge for blood. He found it charming, of course, but the others in camp did not.

Antillia looked down at Astarion’s neck, the former ‘welts’ now ‘bite marks’ peeked at her beneath the collar of his armour. “I overstepped by asking you if you were a vampire, so I should offer something in return, right? Friend to friend?” 

Astarion’s expression shifted from concerned to playful, “darling, we are not friends.” 

Antillia smiled. “Yes, we are.” 

“What makes you think that?” 

“You’re always near me.”

“I am not!” 

“And if you’re not near me you’re always looking at me.” 

“Am I?” 

Antillia nodded, noticing that the gap between them was very small. “You hardly talk to the others, either.”

Astarion flicked his gaze to her lips when her eyes met his again, he needed her to see his ‘want’. “I don’t think you’re describing a burgeoning friendship, dear.” He lowered his tone to that dangerous depth that always worked on his marks. 

Antillia felt her skin prickle with goosebumps and her lips parted, “what am I describing, then?” 

Astarion tilted his head to the left, a small action that added just the right amount of movement to his beautiful curls. “I want you to tell me.” A breathy whisper always worked. He watched her shudder. Delightful. 

“I swear to the Gods if you two are fucking in there I’m going to scream.” Karlach’s voice ripped through the tent.

“If we were, you would know.” Astarion called without breaking eye contact with Antillia, “You feel it, though, don’t you?” His tone softened again. 

Antillia found her backbone. “A lifelong friendship?” She stepped back and gripped the flap of his tent both for stability and to bring light into the space. “I’m glad you feel the same.” She stepped into the light and she bathed in the relief it brought. 

They packed up and hit the road, meandering several miles west of the Grove to the Blighted Village. 

“What were you two doing this morning?” Karlach drew up beside Antillia and nudged her. “Are you two forming a sexy elf alliance?” 

Antillia snorted. “Not exactly.” She adjusted the strap of her pack and sighed - she had thought about it, she had thought about it a couple of times if she was honest. Even in that first encounter they shared on the cliff, the way his dagger pressed against her neck made her stomach knot with arousal. She recalled the way he commanded her to nod only to praise her for doing so. The leather straps of her pack moaned as her grip on them tightened. 

Karlach grinned and glanced over her shoulder at Astarion and then back on the path ahead of her. “I’d ride him to the ends of Faerun if I had the chance.” 

Antillia welcomed her honesty and she relaxed somewhat. “He is stunning.” She admitted. 

“There’s someone up ahead,” Karlach said quietly. 

Antillia stiffened and squinted, recognising quickly who stood at the end of the bridge. “It’s that arsehole from the Grove.” She broadened her shoulders as they drew nearer and stood a few paces short of the bridge’s end. “What are you doing here?” 

“Well look who’s finally using words instead of punching people.” 

Antillia rolled her eyes. “Maybe if you weren’t an idiot I wouldn’t have to smack you into the ground…so are you going to be an idiot again?”

Aradin threw a scroll onto the ground. “I’m not dealing with this - I’m done.” 

Astarion drew up beside Antillia and watched as Aradin and his men stalked off. “I don’t think he’s forgiven you for punching him.” 

Antillia chuckled and reached to pick up the scroll, she glanced over it before pocketing it for later perusal. “Have you forgiven me for head-butting you?” 

Astarion pursed his lips in performative thought, “Not yet, but I could be persuaded.” 

Antillia looked sidelong at Astarion and waited for his smirk to waver, but it never did. She pressed on into the village, easily convincing the Goblins that they were friends before quickly mobilising the core group in strategic areas of the village to kill them. 

A few errant fireballs later the group sat around a large fire, gratefully eating. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to disturb!” 

They all looked up at the bard from the grove and wondered how she made it to them without making a sound.

“Alfira, wasn’t it?” Antillia stood. 

“That’s right - again, I’m sorry to disturb you all…it’s just-…” 

“Are you hungry? We’ve got extra.” Karlach offered a plate to Alfira. 

Lae’zel stared at Alfira as she sat. “Who is this?” 

Alfira sat stiffly, “we met at the grove.” 

Lae’zel shook her head, stood and left the fire. 

Antillia grimaced and sat back down. “Has something happened to the Grove?” 

Alfira shook her head and gratefully ate the hot food. “I want to see the world and I was hoping you would take me with you…” Silence gripped the circle. 

“Absolutely not,” Astarion announced on behalf of the group, but Antillia’s elbow struck his ribs. 

Antillia quickly sought counsel with the group by staring at each of them - their confused expressions didn’t yield any answer, they clearly weren’t at the level of psychic communication…despite the tadpoles… “Alright.” 

“Gods.” Astarion groaned. “No lute.” He pointed viciously.

Antillia rolled her eyes at Astarion, “Don’t listen to him.”

Antillia’s eyes focused on the red haze before her. Gore. Her stomach lurched with pleasure and she dropped to her knees. Through the red, she picked out splashes of soft pink and teal. “Alfira?” She coiled her fingers in Alfira’s blood drenched hair. The tiefling’s intestines sat coiled on top of her stomach. Antillia’s jaw hung and she heaved in air. “Alfira…” Antillia’s black eyes met Alfira’s black eyes - or rather, the cavities where her sunshine eyes had once been. 

#bg3 astarion #astarion x reader #astarion fanfic #astarion fanfiction #astarion x durge #astarion x dark urge #astarion x oc #astarion x female tav #fanfiction #baldurs gate fanfiction #astarion #astarion ancunin

[apollos-olives]

hii if you dont mind and it's not too personal i would love to hear more about your experiences being queer in palestine! do you feel there is a big difference in attitude and education about queerness between diaspora palestinians and those living in palestine, or is it pretty similar? and did you feel like you could be somewhat safely open about it (not that it's ever 100% safe in any place in the world, but yk) sorry if this is invasive, dont feel obligated to answer. it's just that ive only ever seen a rly negative narrative about queer people being heavily persecuted and id love to get viewpoints from people who have actual first hand experience. your blog has been really educational and i love your enthusiasm for palestinian culture <3

i'm so sorry but i'm not very comfortable sharing my own personal experiences. they relate a lot to my personal life and my family and our relationships, and i'm not really comfortable sharing that part of my life online. it's a very good question though, and i appreciate your curiosity. i'm sorry that i can't tell you anything specific, i just want to keep myself more protected and not share a lot about my relationship with my family, especially since my relationship with my queerness relates a lot to my family and their views of it.

i will say though, to answer your other questions, if you asked me if there was a big difference of queer education between the diaspora and the people in palestine a couple years ago, i would've said yes. but now that i think of it? there's not a huge difference actually. i feel like since there is a lot more access to the internet and more education available in palestine and in a lot of places around the world, being educated about queerness is becoming more and more common. i've met a LOT of queer palestinians, from both inside palestine and also out in the diaspora. education is one of our biggest tools for liberation, so i feel like it's very natural that you can find more palestinians that are queer, not just in the disapora but in palestine as well.

if i were to choose which group is more visibly queer, people in palestine or the diaspora, i would choose the diaspora, but only because the diaspora have a bigger chance to be exposed to queerness in the world outside of the middle east and whatnot, and have bigger chances to explore their sexuality more openly than people in palestine. that doesn't mean that the queers in palestine are SUPER repressed or anything, but yes homophobia exists in palestine just like how it exists everywhere else in the world, so queers in palestine have a harder time coming out or expressing themselves authentically. but like. palestinian queers exist 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ everywhere. and like, if i go out in palestine wearing a whole ass rainbow flag with a full face of makeup and a gay ass haircut, will i be hatecrimed?? yeah. but also if i did that in america, i'd be hatecrimed too lol. so palestine isn't special with it's homophobia.

and to bring up the discussion of homonationalism that israel uses to gain consent for genocide, you gotta put things in perspective. like if my entire family got bombed, my people displaced, my limbs amputated, all my people being starved, and the bitches who were bombing me were proudly wearing a gay flag and said that they were using the bombs that killed my entire family "in the name of love" - honestly i would be homophobic too. and that's genuinely why homophobia mostly exists in palestine. that's why my parents are homophobic even- they say that israel is full of queers who are bombing us. and like... are they wrong though?? israel is using the gay community as an excuse to commit crimes against my people. if any sort of group of people, no matter if they were a minority, committed genocide against you, wouldn't you hate them too? that's basically the situation in palestine. and yes it's not justified to be homophobic, but again, queer education isn't as available in palestine as it is in other places. often times people don't realize that queerness is being used as a weapon. you gotta put everything in perspective, yk??

i hope this was interesting to you at least a little bit. sorry i couldn't answer every question fully.

#palestine #free palestine

[cosmichealingg]

pinned .ᐟ

Hai !! Welcome 2 my page !

My name is Keith and I’m a non-community aligned adult age regressor! I regress to the ages 0-5 and frequently consider myself 2-3.

I regress due to childhood trauma and pretty severe c-ptsd. I am also autistic and I use age regression to give myself a childhood that I was denied. My regression is a huge, and important, part of my life and I regress/dream near daily. I don’t consider myself a forever kid as I am not always in headspace, though.

I am a cisgender male, though sometimes I feel a little genderflux. I am also MLM and I have two amazing boyfriends. Both are my caregivers and are respectively referred to as “daddy” and “bubba”. We are polyamorous and love each other very much 🫶

My special interests include space, dinosaurs, horror, and health/medicine. I have a lot of hyperfixations and some include Blues Clues, Scooby Doo, Sesame Street, My Little Pony, American Girl Dolls, etc.

I’m sensitive to things like bright lights and loud sounds, and I get overwhelmed by too many things going on or people talking to me at the same time.

Some of my positive triggers are my special interests and hyperfixations, huskies, toy shopping, spending time with friends, baking, and spending time with my boys.

My regression is mostly positive but sometimes it’s impure or involuntary. For me this can look all different ways.

I like to play with toys like little people and food, and I like to color. I like watching cartoons and movies too!

When I’m sad sometimes I like to watch comfort shows and movies. I also like to just cuddle with my cg’s or vent.

When regressed I have issues with bladder control and cues like hunger. This is due to interoception issues caused by my autism. Because of this I use pull ups and diapers and will sometimes post about it. This is a comfort and medical need for me and is never sexual.

My DNI includes:

Anti-agere/petre

MAP/MIK

Ableist in any way

System fake claimers

LGBTQ+ phobic

Gore/thinspo

Anyone under 13

My boundaries are:

Don’t ask to be my caregiver.

Don’t ask super invasive questions.

Don’t baby talk in my dms if we’re not close.

Don’t ask “can we be friends” if we’ve never talked before.

Don’t sexualize my regression or question my intentions.

Don’t ask for face photos or other kinds of invasive content.

Disclaimer:

I am not anti ab/dl or cgl. I prefer nonsexual interactions because this is meant to be a safe space but at the same time it is my safe space.

I do not cater to everyone and if you are uncomfortable with who I follow or who follows me, you are more than welcome to unfollow and there are no hard feelings.

My account is for me and my healing.

I do not, and will not (most of the time) promote kink accounts or share kink content. I may share posts from 18+ or ab/dl affiliated shops but that does not mean that the items are inherently sexual to me.

I am an adult and while I don’t personally participate in these kinks, I do know people/friends who do. I believe that everyone has a right to heal or express themselves in their own ways. I don’t believe that it is right to judge how people cope.

This being said, my account will always be a nonsexual space.

I’m most active on my Instagram, @cosmic.healingg

My dada has an tumblr account too! @neptunedada

Thnk u 4 reading!!

Divider credits:

@benkeibear

@neon-knightz

@bunnysrph

#noncom agere #age regression #non community agere #intro post #age regressor #agere blog #adult agere

[cornus27florida]

Do you think Gwen and Frederick should be the only “original” couple to get the happily ever after marriage? Should Frederick wait until he’s in a much healthier state of mind until he can ask Gwen to marry him? I mean after he got past her appearance he put her on this pedestal which was just as unhealthy and expected her to fix him. Prince Frederick should realize that he should see Gwen as a person first before committing.

Hello! That's such a heavy topic questions to ask for, but I hope it's okay with mixing the canon with the fanon hopes of "what-ifs" scenario

Personally, I think not only Gwen and Frederick as the "original couple" (I feel you refer to Plaid-Pastel) to get the happily ever after marriage... because? Deep down everyone are all kind people and actually matching each other great like have potentials for great relationships that ends to the happy marriage BUT the current plot story shows that's likely only Gwen/Frederick that becomes endgame, Lance/Lorena is dubious but seems at the end they'll be buddies instead lovers, Maria/Blaine now in shambles as Blaine trickery to opening the door that leads to the invasion - there's no salvation left for their (healthly romantic) relationship anymore

I feel that I am one of the passenger left on the sinking ship of Maria/Blaine and Lorena/Lance but I hope I won't be that delusional of shipper that demanding the creator/author to make their ships to be canon (in other fandoms, extreme shipper like that EXIST with infamous example is a Rukia/Ichigo shipper from BLEACH that burning their entire collection of the comic because they're heartbroken that the endgame is Orihime/Ichigo) - I just want to tell my hurts over the potential what ifs, their tragic ships...

There's so many interpretation over the honest love feelings between Plaid-Pastel, and IMHO all of those valid but subjective without proper canon facts.. We need more canon details like the inner narrative of each character, as so far what we know is what they say in public-to others people so personally I am not sure if those are honest (espc to themself). Those talk without inner honest imho not realiable for true truth. Exception is Frederick but I explain later

Blaine: when asked by Frederick at dungeon if he truly loves Maria (ep 143), he didn't answers as instead mocking Frederick. Blaine looks so jealous when he see Maria chatting along with Beckett, using the guard name as the trick to opening the door.. And it's works. Blaine ia the most confusing character in my opinion but the past talk with Isaac @the-giggling-guava give me keyword-Anger. Blaine is very angry towards everything and everyone, espc Maria as the 'savior' that Blaine anchoring his self worth (coughs, coping both Frederick and Gwen) to believes he's not that all bad - he's not just have the ugly sides, but the gala fiasco make him fell into the dark pit to believes he's totally evil

Maria: as the oldest Pastel Siblings that get oversheltered so much for 18 years of her life, this makes her so quick and jumpy over notion of romance (even sexual desires, the most thirsty) and no one really pointing out about it clearly (Isolde in her icy way tell that Maria didn't really know about Plaid Princes is spot on, but wish for more gentle and elaboration honestly). It's only after 'incidentally' has talks with Beckett that she realizes herself over how downbad she is to objectify Blaine and after that at the piano duel, she shown great development by supporting Blaine as telling that she rooting for him

Maria/Blaine? Is a tragic ship as realistically it can't happen even with so much progress both of them had as seen that Maria is objectify him while Blaine do Frederick's initial move "have romantic partner for escapade (Isaac again gives very good analysis that Blaine wish for Maria to be his means to achieving "Freedom", so the idea of the lover not the actual person"). There's huge what-if fanfic project that I make, but even with that scenario of basically making amends early I can't make Maria/Blaine works healthy as the best outcome for them is open ending ship with them starting from zero (0) as a friend with Maria treats herself first by chasing her singing dream while Blaine completely let go of idealism being the perfect plaid prince first. If both of them meet up earlier, in normal family setting, I could see them being a healthy lovers tho - simply as the oldest sibling that loves music

Lance: the hardest CPC character to interpret because how passive he is canonically, he got defined by his relationships with others instead himself that define his character. This born from weird realization that he never had monologue or inner talk which the perfect example of when being the most honest self. He is so lacking on personality as he feels just there, not engaging to others on really intimate tone. Remember that the kiss he had with Lorena, is initiated by her? Or that he's not sure what he really wants, he just agreed to help Blaine archives his dream OR when he just realizes he didn't want to become a trophy husband for Lorena army only after Suzie nudging it? Also overall Lance treats Lorena more like buddies instead lover vibes somehow

Lorena: Lorena isn't downbad like Maria, but the effect of oversheltered makes her lonely to not really have (best) friend until meets Suzie which she clings the forced friend relationship for but it seems Suzie slowly don't mind about the notion. Does Lorena didn't have any romantic feeling towards Lance? Def not as she thirsting over the notion to becomes waffles so could get eaten by Lance. But I feel the current situation is she so hurt over passive way of Lance, born since when she depressed that her dream to leads the army initially not even supported by 2 males that she has high regards of opinion to (Jack severely againts it, Lance shown his fear over the notion). The passive way that turns to be cowardly way of Lance not doing anything to prevents the invasion arc as he just going along with the plan - Lance know the plan is evil, he utterly punished by Leland which Lorena not know the truth for, but Lorena is right about his passive-cism

Lorena/Lance? So ambiguous and messy, but not in total shambles like Maria/Blaine. That's why in my time travelling fic AU, I could make them works by changing several points of their characters. Have Lorena realizes how fucked up is Leland earlier. Have Lance to be more active, to believe that women isn't fragile porcellain doll as Lorena def capable to protects herself and others - she just need support, guidance and knowledge to do so as compares to the canon at invasion arc, Lorena's project is so impressive although ridiculous and naturally it's happen because her lack of knowledge of defense. They are literally dorky jocks that need some work in relationship to be together but could happen

Phew, finishing the older pairings and answering the first question. Now move on to the next!!!

English isn't my native language so I am initially confused with what "pedestal" you mean.. Then I googled and take time to answer the question..

to think of someone as a perfect person with no faults : to admire someone greatly.

This is what's the meaning of pedestal in the relationship meaning, I hope I could get what you mean with the following questions that basically relates to each other

Alright, I summary your questions first before answering them (1/ should Frederick waits to have healthier mental status first? 2/I am not sure which pedestal you refer, but I take free interpretation that after Frederick look past Gwen's appearance - while making various comparisons (witch√ cursed princess √ angel√) 3/ Frederick should see Gwen as a person first)

ALRIGHT!!! Here we go

1/ mental status is something that always fluctuate and actually it's not related to age (sure, older is wiser but there's more to it) but more about how each person deals with their mental issue - which from the very start they should realizes that they're in the problem first and thus act accordingly which mostly begins with acceptance 'that they're in deep shits and need help'. Now let's see Frederick overall. Frederick just realizes that his own family might abnormal only when meeting Whitney that gives example of what abnormal family is but he accept that his family might that bad, and got confirmed when punished in isolation treatment BUT he still clinging in naivety that his family not that bad bad by try to stops Blaine without any weapon and hoping words can help him. It's not, but thankfully Whitney and Prez saves him and curently the free pass in nutshell is Prez try to reasoning Blaine with sword dance (violent way)

So personally I think Frederick indeed need more work in his mental issue healing, but he's not starting (like Lance) or not even on the road (like Blaine) like his brothers. In the weird way of the CPC is, Frederick on the very first important step of acceptance - to anything. He already accepts that Gwen looks will stays like this, and he loves her just the way she is. He already accepts that his family is abnormal, but he hopes for his brothers still could be saved - like what normal people with high morality will do.

Also to me, the mental issue of Frederick isn't the standard for him asking out for Gwen's hand in marriage.. It's their age, both are minors and we shouldn't glorify teenager marriage (and pregnancy) - it could happen espc due to 'love accidents' (coughs, teenagers making love rawly and without future thinking thus suddenly realizes too late that the female are pregnant.. IRl scenario) but doesn't mean it can't be prevented. I find that gwenderick is the example of the most pure ship that can ever happen on my shipping book, mention of kissing already made them so flustered deeply which for themselves I believe they won't jump to marriage soon. They're will have the much needed time for mental healing of each other, but why can't make it together?

Mental issue healing is indeed a long road ahead filled with uncertainties, and I feel marriage shouldn't be standard milestone for relationship. Which in other world, GwenDerick could become healthy canon ship after the whole invasion arc end - when they reunite as Gwen awakes and Frederick reaches her as his true self.. But no need for marriage milestone, is just the event. The event that they're have chance to free from Leland's scheme and on their own pace when feeling completely ready, because what's one thing that entail to wedding-marriage? Progeny

With everything that they're going through to be lovers as now from the family with extreme parenting, I say with healthlier relationship that they'll get in the future..they could meet the middleground between oversheltered (Pastel) and overexposure (Plaid) to make their children, symbol of their love with combined aspect of them genetically, to be truly happy with loves

im nutshell, yes Frederick should waits in better mental status before courting Gwen.. But didn't mean for them to can't be together sooner. They could have free time of being together and dates.. Like right now after their incoming reunion. Being together =/= marriage

2/3/ because I feel connected to each other. Frederick can't help to keep compares Gwen to not completely human because he's the resident nerd dork that indeed reads tons of fairy tale books with lots of imagination and fictional comparison helps him to accepts reality.

From witch initially - initial first thought of her having green skin and thoughts to wants poisoning him, the wrong confrontation that painting Gwen as immortal, her look that similar with Lilyth which haunting Frederick's palace for years. To cursed princess because he finds Gwen in the CPC. To Angel, the angel of the fortune, the entity that he thoughts to be his savior that completely lifting him up from the hole but later on that he realizes that he need to pull his own work too because the angel can't completely lifting him up - thus develop for his sense to protects the angel, because Gwen needs him

If putting someone on pedestal is unhealthy? Depends, but personally Gwen's wish that Frederick is the ultimate person to fix her =/= Frederick believes that Gwen is the angel as the present one. Why i say this? Because, for Frederick case that notion make him remembers Whitney saying that he could get chance to change his story then doing his own work (which helped by Laverne and LeoMieCake) to lifting himself from the hole he imprisoned in. For Gwen is different becaus after the gala fiasco, she's in despair believing no one loves her. She thinks her sisters hates her as breaking the engagement. She thinks that Frederick love to her indeed forced. She completely forgot about her father, her twin brother Jamie, the CPC... Then she eats the poisoned apple, the tragedy that LambCat paralelling as attempting suicide. But thankfully everything not too late, Gwen soul is still in this world and not die as what the success suicide is. Everyone involved on the light side outting their best ability to kicking out the Plaid Troop that the villain Leland leads while reaches Gwen to show - everyone loves her

Now, the incoming future episodes of the CPC, about who Gwen loves back..which I find will be so heartwarming if the revealation is that Gwen loves everyone back too ^^

/end of the long answer hahah, hope you enjoy it as much as I am writing it!

#cursed princess club #character analysis #Tragedy Romance

[dearweirdme]

when i sent the ask i knew the first thing you would bring up is their relationship with women. so, to answer your question, yes, i actively criticize ALL people who hyperanalyze their sexuality, whether they’re straight or queer is literally not our concern? but also, the taekook shippers are quite literally the most pervasive and most invasive in this entire fandom. but we’re not fans of their sexuality. we’re fans of them as artists. i’m not homophobic. i’m a literal queer, bisexual woman telling you as a queer person that this is super disrespectful. for ANY person. this goes beyond being “interested” in their personal lives. it’s so dehumanizing to have literal strangers deciding FOR you what your sexuality is. deciding FOR you if your friends are actually your friends. deciding FOR YOU that you can’t come out bc of a company when it’s possible that if any of them ARE QUEER they simply may not WANT to come out. why do you all feel entitled to pushing them to? why do y’all feel entitled to deciding what their sexuality is and deciding why their sexuality is and deciding what would be the result that makes THEM happy when y’all are not them?do you guys seriously not think it’s disrespectful? when did i EVER say them being straight was the default? in fact i never mentioned me thinking they were straight at all and simply said that analyzing their sexuality when they didn’t give ANY OF US consent to do so is unethical and dehumanizing no matter what way you look at it. you can try to say i’m homophobic. i truly don’t care bc i know that i personally really like woman and men equally. this isn’t at ALL about my sexuality or my outlook on people being queer. at what point did i ever state or insinuate that *I* think they’re straight or that *i* think something would be wrong if they were straight or queer? i’m literally saying that information is not only irrelevant but not for us to know or to force our way into knowing. i’m saying it’s inappropriate to speculate on their sexuality as a whole. straight. gay. bi. pan. or otherwise. it’s literally not our business and has NOTHING to do with being their fan. you’re talking about love yes but you’re also making grave assumptions about their relationships with other people and across the board these narratives impact real life people? like y’all are treating like they’re people only in the fantasy of the ship. i think this of all shippers who genuinely believe their ships to be reality and go around actively spreading information as if it were true when none of us know. and the answer to the apparent mystery about their sexuality has literally fuck all to do with liking bts. if you only like them bc of their sexuality then you don’t like them and this is a fetish. if your entire narrative around being their fan is convincing other people that they’re queer or straight or ANYTHING that they themselves didn’t disclose, you are not a fan. this is fetishizing.

Hi again anon!

I do apologize for thinking of you as homophobic, it’s just that usually asks like yours come from that side of fandom. I guess you just don’t like people talking about celebrities private lives in general, which I understand. It is however a huge part of being a fan for many many people, it is something that magazines rely on and make money of, it is something that companies and artists themselves lean into at times. For me, being a fan means that I care about their private lives as well.. I cannot really help it, it’s something that happens automatically. I think it happens for many people automatically in general. If that’s not your way of being a fan, that maybe you should refrain from looking at blogs like mine. I will not have you make me feel bad about caring about the members like that.

What I have seen is that even amongst queer persons there’s many opinions on how to talk about these things. I know I have many queer followers who do want to talk about this, I think their opinion is just as valuable as yours.

Again, I agree that many shippers take it too far.. I don’t personally think I am though.

#i also don’t only like them because of the ship #i was a bts fan before being a tkkr #fandom shenanigans #taekook

[callmelittlesunshinefics]

[Someone to Try New Things With] - Part 1

Adrian Chase/Reader

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: Cursing, drug use, universe-similar language/subject matter, will add as needed as things might get smutty.

AN: This has been sitting in my drafts for days now with me putting off posting. No Y/N, but the reader is loosely based off of the same as my AO3 fic. This is still a baby of an idea and more of a drabble to length is tbd :)

Covered in blood and speeding down the highway, everyone was having a much better time than they probably should. You chalked it up to the adrenaline, the euphoria at somehow still being alive despite a literal gorilla swinging you around like its toy doll. Everyone was celebrating the win, exposing and wounding a deep rooted butterfly operation right under their noses, and yet, you couldn’t help but find yourself dwelling on the opposite. The obvious fact that this plant supplied so much of the alien food source that it could only mean an invasion on the scale of which you hadn’t fully even grasped yet. 

But hey, nothing getting a little less than sober couldn’t fix. 

Harcourt nudged your shoulder, pulling you out of your own head, “If even I’m sporting a hint of a smile, how is it you’re not?” She eyed you suspiciously. 

Emilia had known you the longest of the team, and had actually been the person who made the call to recruit you. You were…an exception to the government to say the absolute least. To put it simply, this universe wasn’t your first home, but you did find yourself here and even found family, and abilities you never knew you had in your other life. 

Amanda Waller was aware of your arrival immediately, though once she saw who had found you first, even she knew she couldn’t intervene with her usual force. The best she could do was invite you and your…’uncle’, Lucifer Morningstar, to brunch while she was ‘conveniently passing through’ L.A. Explain who she was, what she did, and ask if she could ever call on them for help. 

She did, and once or twice you agreed. It soon became obvious that you were more likely to agree if Emilia were on the case as well, and the two of you became friends with a quickness that surprised you both. She knew your entire past, in both worlds, and in return you were one of the only people who knew hers. Probably as close as you would come to having a sister. 

“Just trying to wrap my head around the day I guess. Or,” you coughed, making a show of raising your voice even above the music, “OR trying to figure out if anyone wants to partake in some legal drugs and alcohol this evening because what the fuck just happened??”

The group collectively cheered and you smirked at Emilia, as if to prove everything were fine. She rolled her eyes at your blatant attempt to throw her off. 

Leota slid over, joining the huddle as soon as she saw the dreaded Harcourt eye roll. 

“Is it the dancing? Are you totally questioning your sexual taste over that dancing?” 

“OH MY GOD” you whisper yelled, channeling David a-la Schitt’s Creek. 

Adebayo laughed, “What? You’re the only one sitting here looking miserable after getting out of there in one piece, and since she couldn’t get you to crack I figured you were regretting your crush on-“ 

“I know what you’re-“ you cut her and yourself off, closing your eyes and stopping. 

Emilia doesn’t know where to start with her prying, and Leota had to go to straight to the one thing she didn’t want to talk about in such a close knit space. She wanted to talk about your hopelessly ridiculous crush on Adrian Chase. 

You fell pretty hard and pretty fast for someone who made absolutely no fucking sense. Emilia couldn’t make heads or tails of it. She was mortified. Not quite disgusted, she wasn’t blind, but she never believed in the ‘love at first sight’ thing. And neither did you, which only made how you felt, and how deeply you felt it, all the more confusing. 

You decided to fess up to your actual feelings before they could make any more guesses, “Honestly the scale of this thing is just weighing on me. Didn’t hit me until we saw the size of this operation, ya know?” 

They both looked momentarily deflated, but quickly bounced back shrugging, with Emilia shaking her head at you. 

“Okay see, you have to enjoy the moment.” Leota forced your shoulders down urging you to relax and speaking louder now, “I think we’re gonna do exactly what you said.”  

Economos snorted from the driver’s seat, “Drugs and alcohol?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m in.” From Chris, obviously. 

You hadn’t even realized the guys had tuned into the conversation once Leota spoke up. Economos shrugged like he was in but didn’t care, though you could tell he was excited. The only one still thinking was Adrian, and you looked at him waiting for an answer. Chris spoke up instead. 

“Dude, stop being weird about weed and just come, it’s legal, you gotta let it go and probably try it so you don’t keep being so fucking-“ 

“Alright, alright!” Adrian interrupted before Chris could keep going, he didn’t want to hear the rest of it. He looked at you.

“I’m coming but we need snacks. Come to 7-11 with me when we get back?” 

You smirked, “Adrian, I would love to.” 

He glared at you, “Are you being sarcastic?” 

“She’s not,” Harcourt said, “You two head out when we get back and I’ll text you a list.” 

The rest of the ride was spent with everyone shouting out snacks and drinks they like, don’t like, don’t like but might like while stoned, and it went on and on until John and Chris were fighting about Combos and there wasn’t anything resembling a list. You leaned into Adrian’s side, watching everything unfold.

“I think we have to make a run for it and just buy everything in 7-11.” She stage whispered near him and he smirked. 

“Yeah, there’s no way we can afford everything in 7-11.” 

You laughed in response and held up a wallet that was clearly not your own. You let it fall open for Adrian to see that you had picked Emilia’s pocket while she was trying to end the Great Combo Debate.

“You know that’s a crime.” He raised his eyebrows at you, you knew Adrian well enough to know that while he sounded like he was joking, he completely wasn’t.

“Actually it’s not,” you pulled out a generic looking credit card Adrian had never seen before, “Em has a card that gets comp’d by the job. And since this is a team event after nearly getting shredded by a gorilla, I think Waller can bankroll us tonight.” 

“In that case I’m gonna need two bags of each Skittles flavor just for me-” 

He went on, but you just bounced on your heels waiting for John to park. Everyone had a part; Chris and John were heading out to find a dealer Chris knew for some last minute party favors, Harcourt and Adebayo were on alcohol and set up duty, grabbing speakers from a dusty room in the back and throwing on a playlist.

You and Adrian were on your way to 7-11 when you realized that the ride had been unusually quiet. You weren’t totally sure what you were to Adrian, but you knew that he never had any shortage of things to say or questions to ask you. As soon as you had joined the team and they had been given a (loose) background of why you joined the team, Adrian had had an endless stream of questions for you. The team had given him a hard time about it, but you assured them you didn’t mind, not adding how adorable you found it. 

“What’s on your mind, Ade?” 

It struck you not for the first time that it was a good thing Vigilante’s mask was so concealing because you could read every thought that passed Adrian’s mind. He clearly weighed whether or not to tell the truth or make something up, you could see the moment he decided on the truth, and the moment that he braced himself play out in succession.

“I’m thinking about smoking with you guys to stop being annoying like Chris said, but it’s probably so gross and I’m gonna choke and then he’s just gonna make fun of me more and think I’m a lame best friend so then Adebayo is gonna be second under Eagley and third may as well not even count as a best friend.”

Everything was said in one running sentence and he kept his eyes straight ahead, but you could tell how worried he actually was about this. 

“Okay.” You took a deep breath-

“It’s fine, I was being stupid.”

“No, you’re not, let’s just talk it out. Seriously.” You looked right at him and he nodded. Pulling into the 7-11 parking lot, he parked and threw his seat belt off, turning to you and waiting. 

“First of all Ade, don’t smoke because of Chris. He’s just messing with you and once he starts partying he’ll forget he even said it.” 

Adrian nodded begrudgingly.

“Second, the only reason you should try tonight would be if you want to try it for yourself while you’re with friends who’ll look out for you in case it doesn’t go well. For all of his jokes I know Chris would look out for you if it actually came down to it. He’d make fun of you first, but he’d help.” You smirked at him, shrugging. 

Adrian took a deep breath and released it, immediately feeling lighter, but also a little scared. He told you it was Chris he was worried about, totally. It was, anyway, but then you sat there and walked through everything he said, one step at a time, in a way no one else ever does and he was able to make sense of things so the problem just…goes away? Crazy.

“I know you said I should only do it if I want to, but I wanna know if you think I should do it?” He asked you so genuinely, like it was a matter of life and death.

“Okay, how about this. I’ll try to explain what I like about it, and you can think about if you’d like that too and want to try.” He nodded and you took that as your sign to keep going, “I mean you know me Ade, I get anxiety about things I don’t even know if I should have anxiety about yet. Not to mention all the shit I’d much rather forget. I’m not saying smoking makes any of that go away, but it definitely puts me in a headspace where for a little while it doesn’t feel as heavy. It feels like I can really breath, and all of the good things just feel better too. It’s not like that for everyone, and it takes some getting used to, but that’s what I like about it.” 

You meandered towards the end of that sentence, suddenly feeling self conscious over how intently Adrian was staring at you and listening to your every word. He thought about what you said before very seriously stating, “Okay, I’m definitely a maybe.” and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Let’s head in, gonna take a while to grab one of everything.” You joked, exiting the car with Adrian catching up to you. 

By the time you made it back to base Adrian wouldn’t let you help carry anything and asked you to send Chris and John out instead. He did, however, take the time to clarify that he wasn’t being sexist, he just knew you had carried enough out of 7-11 and Harcourt and Adebayo probably needed a break from their bickering.

He was way more aware than people gave him credit for, you decided making your way into the building.

“That was a pretty clean swipe but I’m gonna need my wallet back now.” Emilia help her hand out expectantly, smirking.

“‘Clean’ come on, you know you didn’t even notice, you can say so.” You rolled your eyes and passed the wallet back, leaving the receipt tucked in for her expense report. You looked around and laughed, “Do you think you guys got enough beer?” There were cases all over of several different types.

Leota shrugged, “Everyone likes something different and it’s not like we’re not gonna use it.” 

“That’s true, I just know once I smoke I’m going to start tossing those like I’m Stone Cold Steve Austin and no one will be able to talk sense into me.” 

The guys all came in dropping bags from 7-11 just in time to catch your last remark and Chris immediately agreed.

“FUCK YEAH WE HAVE TO-”

“OUTSIDE!” Emilia interrupted, “If you must be children, do. it. out. side.” 

“Yes, mom.” You rolled your eyes, quickly shaking your head at Chris and shooting him a warning glare from adding on to your statement. You could easily see him calling Emilia ‘mommy’ and getting this whole night canceled for everyone. 

“Need any help?” You turned to John who you were surprised to see getting a bong set up. Not exactly what you were expecting for a black ops team, but hey, who were you to judge. Lucifer used some surprising pieces too, after all. 

“Nah, pretty straightforward over here, but everyone agreed you’ll be getting first dibs.”

“Aw, thanks.” You weren’t all that surprised. As Emilia said, you not joining in the celebration was an odd sight, and not just to her. There was a silent agreement that you needed the nudge.

Everyone settled onto the floor surprisingly naturally. Once the adrenaline started fading a little and they had found their favorite snacks, the group found themselves casually arranged in a circle on the ground, throwing things at each other and debating the music choices. 

A loose order was formed once you decided to light the bong, with Adrian observing as the rest of the group (excluding Emilia) passed the herb around. After Chris lit more than he could handle you jumped in to help, pulling the bowl and laughing along with Chris. 

“So is there a way for like,” he nudged his glasses up his face and shrugged, “you can start it for me and I can just ya know, do that part at the end?” 

“Is he talking about a shotgun?” Economos foolishly asked while Chris burst into a grin. You looked to the two women for help, neither seeing any reason for your panic. 

“Why yes there IS a way to do that, and I’m sure Angel Cakes would be happy to help you out with it.” Chris eagerly nodded at you, making sure to drop the nickname he knew you couldn’t stand. 

“Chris don’t be ridiculous, we all know you two are close enough to do it.” Leota jumped in, ready to save you from your already weakening self control. 

“Well sure but he didn’t ask me he asked her, and probably cause he knows I might laugh right in his mouth and that would be-“ 

“Okay, enough, yeah, fuck it-“ you cut everyone off, getting a bit louder with each work, “I’m gonna shot gun Ade’s first hit, but everyone’s taking a shot first.” 

The group gave a salute and followed orders, proving that there were at least some things they could agree on as a team. 

“So what exactly does shotgun even mean for this, it’s not like shotgunning a beer otherwise why would you or Chris have to do it…?” Adrian was asking the questions to the group, but specifically you while you grabbed your lighter from Chris and motioned for Adrian to slow down. 

“I’m gonna light the bowl, take a deep breath, and hold all the smoke in my mouth.” He nodded for you to continue, “I’m going to turn to you and blow all the smoke into your mouth, so make sure you take a nice deep breath. Hold it for a while, and don’t let anyone be a bitch if you cough.” 

“Economos, this is what you thought I was asking for??” 

“Well you seem like you’re into some kinky shit so sure!” 

“I mean yeah but not with you!” Adrian caught himself and turned back to you “With him that is, not saying yes with you but not no either because any answer is inappropriate so-“ 

“Adrian,” you stopped him, “We’re here now. Just take a deep breath when I tell you, okay?” 

He nodded and you lit the bowl, saying a quick prayer that this wasn’t going to be the metaphorical rubber band snap that sent you crossing the lines of appropriate workplace boundaries with an off-the-books-anyway assassin. 

You went on as if everything were completely normal. As if Adrian weren’t watching your lips with the intense concentration usually reserved for something else entirely, deadly in a different sense. You pulled the bowl from the slider and grabbed Adrian’s chin, gesturing him to tilt and open his mouth, which he did surprisingly quickly. 

The first thing he noticed was that he did faintly taste your cherry soda, something he told himself wouldn’t happen, because surely the only taste he would be able to notice would be the weed he told himself he’d never try. It almost felt welcoming in a way he didn’t expect, it tasted familiar, and tasted like you, something he had been so curious about that he felt instantly calmed. Until he remembered the smoke in his lungs and urgently started coughing, smoke pluming out quickly. Expecting everyone to be laughing, he was pleasantly surprised to look up to see the team cheering, Chris coming over to clap him on the back.

Turned out to be exactly like you said, Adrian realized everything felt a little lighter. Problems that seemed insurmountable earlier…kind of seemed manageable now. 

#adrian chase #adrian chase/reader #fanfic #dc universe #peacemaker #fanfiction #vigilante #vigilante x reader #vigilante peacemaker

[bookishphysicsgirl]

So, story time, apparently, because my insurance hasn't come through yet which means I am yet to schedule therapy and as such am about to severely overshare and expose myself publicly on the internet for the sake of feeling a little less lonely I guess. Go grab a seat and some popcorn 'cause this one is gonna be a long one - very very long.

This is about my sexuality (aroace) and how I came to terms with it and where I am now.

TW: mentions of bullying (I guess,I don't really see it as bullying but I was told it was bullying so there), aphobia, masturbation (you have no idea how long it took me to just straight up write that word), periods, and general aro ace queer confusion.

But why not just talk to some ace people near you, if you are in such need of understanding you'd turn to strangers on the internet ? Well, there aren't that many ace or aro people around me and the few that I know are not that great to talk to, not because of their sexuality, mind you, but because they make very uncomfortable jokes and are all cis boys which normally wouldn't be a problem except that I grew up around no men and am kind of akward - especially considering I am one of the very few girls in our major, so internet strangers and possible exposure it is.

Therefore, our story begins when I was about nine and going to Adventist school - because it was cheap and the closest to my house, not because I myself was Adventist - when children started talking about dating and kissing, mostly for jokes but still sometimes seriously. When one of the girls had her period before anyone else and got caught with socks on her bra it was a pure scandal.

I couldn't understand it. I mean I understood why people would want to date and be with significant others more than the typical child that age, since I read a lot and I read anything I could get my hands on, and not always necessarily age appropriate books since adults tend to believe all books are inheritenly good for their children without checking the content.

What I couldn't understand is why would anyone be so worried about things like that so early. In all the stories I saw and the books I read the characters were at least teenagers before they started being interested. That coupled with adults around me saying repeatedly that children were being oversexualized and that it'd be better if they just focus on their studies led me to make a bet with my friends that I would never date or kiss anyone until I was sixteen. Best decision I ever made.

So as the years passed my friends and everyone else arround me started freaking out more and more about crushes and who had kissed who and when they asked me all I had to do was remind them of that bet and they'd leave it alone. Sometimes a few kids would ask me things like whether I wanted to be a nun or why was I actually trying to keep that bet, but mostly I could just completely forget about it.

However as I started getting older - at about 14 - my relatives started noticing and though at first when I told them about my no-dating-until-16 plans they thought I was very smart and concentrating on the right things soon enough I'd catch my aunt and my mom having conversations about how "something must be wrong with that kid" and "you should take her to see a doctor". My aunt suggested I might need hormone therapy.

My friends kept telling me about people who they thought had crushes on me - which usually made me panic because I didn't know how to reject anyone if they were right, kids at my school started asking me increasingly invasive and mean questions ( " have you really never kissed anyone?", "are you just in love with yourself?", "were you abused?", "are you afraid of sex?", "do you even know what a penis looks like?") and my mom kept trying to make me interested in someone.

She would try to make me look at scenes that made me uncomfortable in movies and TV, tell me stories about her sex life, show me pictures of famous people and point at random people on the street and say "aren't they cute?", anytime anyone showed even the slightest bit of interest she would practically throw me in their direction. She asked me if I wanted therapy, if I thought I needed hormonal treatments, if I was a lesbian - totally cute of her but a little off the mark - at one point she even took the whole sapiosexual thing that was going around facebook and convinced me that the reason I hadn't been interested in anyone was because I hadn't met anyone who was intellectually stimulating enough.

At about 15 she asked me if maybe I could be asexual. I think she meant it as a joke but I looked it up anyway and lo and behold there was the answer all along. I pretty much came out immediately to my family and my closest friends and was met with the usual "you'll find someone some day", "it's just a phase", "maybe you should just try it, just to check" but eventually that started to die out and they started to accept it.

I guess part of it was that they thought things would change by the time I got to college and to be honest I was still pretty unsure, but when people asked me inconvenient questions about why I never went out with anyone now I had an actual answer which, of course, led to even more invasive questions from my classmates but I tended to be pretty good at taking it in stride.

I think it was meant to be a joke of sorts, go ask uncomfortable questions to the innocent nerd and see how she squirms so we can laugh about it later, kind of how some boys will make fake crushes and pretend to ask girls they think are ugly out or keep ironically complimenting them to make fun of them, because if they believe it it's funny she was gullible and if she doesn't she can't do much because they can just say they were trying to be nice.

But I pretty much had a policy to always smile and be nice to people and answer them honestly even when you knew they were being purposefully hurtful unless you were in a dangerous situation, because a lot of the joke got lost then, specially when it was obvious I knew what their intentions were and tried to dialog anyway. And though the questions never stopped while I was in High School the jokes did. And I kind of even became sort of friends with some of those boys? They asked me to tutor them, we were nice to each other, we talked about tv shows so I suppose things got better.

At 16, even already wearing the label ace, I was finally without the bet excuse for not dating and without it to hide behind I was forced to really confront my feelings. My friends mostly seemed pretty ok with my identity and didn't pressure me much but they did keep trying to get me to "be mature" and say or do things that made me uncomfortable - but then again these things weren't always related to sex, sometimes they were just trying to get me to swear - or making dirty jokes that I didn't want to hear. At that point my mom had moved on to trying to convince me to at least try to touch myself and telling me how good sex felt and that I'd really be missing out.

But even though I now didn't have my self-imposed silly rule and a very close friend who I really liked was actually interested I still felt no need to be intimate with anybody. There was not a lick of desire anywhere in my body, but I was still pretty conflicted. I knew I had never had a crush or felt lust for anybody but I had always loved romance books and movies and I squealed when two characters got together and I loved cheering for my friends in their love lifes and going to weddings - I could go to a wedding every weekend honestly - and I had always generally been a hopless romantic "in love with love" type of person.

At 17 we had to make a seminar about minorities and since my friend group had the only queer people in the entirety of the school so naturally we were assigned the LGBTQIA+ community. That was the first time I ever read about the distinction of romantic and sexual and platonic attractions and I swear it was like suddenly the entire world clicked in my brain and everything made sense. My friend's ears were probably bleeding by the time I finally stopped talking about it but I could be at least a little more grounded in my asexuality. At least I knew I could maybe still have those things I liked so much in fiction, I could still maybe one day not be alone and have someone to raise a family with, someone to decorate for Christmas with, who would help me in the bad days and who I could share good days with. Who could grow old with me so I didn't have to retire alone and helpless.

After that I was pretty confident, I was in no hurry to find romantic love and just kept thinking that if was going to happen it would just happen. But it did get me thinking about my limits. What would I be willing to do if I ever did get a romantic partner? Would I be willing to do it with anyone who wasn't a romantic partner?

I think it is worth it to note that I was reading smut since I was 13yo. This wasn't exactly because I went out seeking for it, in fact the first few times I came across it I was a bit disturbed, I'm not going to lie, but I was desperate to read new things, kindle had free things to read and sometimes those things had undisclosed smut. At first I skipped it, then I realized I was missing plot and started skimming it and eventually I was just reading it just like you'd read anything else. So despite my friends repeatedly attempting to make me more mature and teaching me the lingo I am 60% sure I was far more educated at that point (when no one had actually done anything more than kissing) than they could have possibly been.

So I did know about things and how the plumbing worked, I just didn't know if I'd ever be willing to test mine. One beautiful day, when no one was home and I was 18 and reading I wondered "maybe I could just try doing it myself, just to see if I even feel anything." And I thought I'd done it wrong, because I didn't scream or pant or do any of the things that the media usually describe, so I tried again that night,and the next day.

Soon I found that not only did it help me relax enough to sleep, something that had evaded me for years on end, I had a pretty high libido because I suddenly could recognize what before I couldn't identify as arousal, and it happened a lot, at random times, but one thing I noticed was that it never had to do with anyone. It mostly happened whenever I started worrying or thinking about sex and sexuality itself but never because of an actual person. I dealt with it pretty often, never thinking about scenarios with myself or things like that, just shadows, or colors, or movements or reading something.

But the fact that I was doing it and that I was doing it so often suddenly put my sexuality into doubt, could I really be ace with what I did alone at night? The fact that I was doubting it so much and that I had over the years built so much of my self within the fact that I am ace made it so I was too scared to even tell anyone about my libido just in case telling them would make them doubt me again, make them invalidate me or tell me I would eventually just magically wake up allo. To this day I have only ever told one person I know personally, and that was on a really bad day.

But I did do something similar to this I'm doing now and posted to AVEN and after very big welcome cakes and assurances that everything I was going through was completely normal and that it didn't make me any less ace, which felt like a balm on an open wound, I calmed down a little.

So, this one day there was a kareoke pizza party at my uni and this guy sings Moana and I sing Moana and we start talking about the merits of the translation and he ends up asking me if I wanna see a movie that night after the party (it was an in-campus party so it didn't end too late) and I as the clueless dork that I am started going around asking if anybody else wanted to come with.

Nobody did which I thought was strange but ok and so we went to the 24h room of the library to watch it and for about 2/3 of the movie I was completely immersed, not even noticing what was happening around me. However, suddenly I got the strange notion that maybe he was getting a bit too close. Like he was trying to do something. Weird.

But I thought that before and it was nothing, and I thought it was nothing when it was something so clearly I am not the best at reading signs from people. And like he was pretty cool, wonderful person really, so he offered to take me to my door and I said yes because I am terrified of walking alone at night and in the middle of the way he did a real movie move and kind of went bumping his hand with mine until he could kind of naturally hold it? That's when my brain went "oh crap."

I had until we got to the door to make a decision. I did like him. But the more I thought about the idea of actually kissing someone the more icky I felt but maybe I should just try it and see what happens? Like everyone keeps telling me to do?

So we get in front of my building and he turns towards me and I look up and I can hear my heart pounding and I just go "sorry, I'm ace." And run as fast as I can towards the door. Yup. Left him cold and did a dash and hide. Not my greatest moment.

Anyway I felt very embarrassed and kind of sorry so I sent an apology text and explained and he said that actually he was totally cool with it and if I wanted to he would love to date without needing the whole physical part. And that seemed like a good idea.

I hated it. Every single minute. Again it wasn't him. I like him, we are friends as much as we can be friends without me akwardly wandering whether I'm leading him on all the time. But the situation, it was just the worse. I just couldn't think of ever doing it again. With anyone.

So, yeah, probably Aromantic too. Which was a surprise.

But the funny thing is that if she wanted to I would marry my best friend in an instant. Not to go on dates, or kiss or for physical intimacy but just so we could officially be there for each other. So I guess my platonic attraction is pretty strong. And there are people I see that I just really like the look of, so aesthetic attraction is also present. And I usually know just by looking at someone that I really want to be friends with them.

But sometimes I still stop and go "is what I'm feeling for this person actually romantic? How do I know?". But I guess that is what being aro or ace or really just queer in general in a world that wasn't really made for you is, constantly second guessing yourself. We just need to learn that that's ok and it doesn't make us any less who we are.

Anyway, hope this helped anyone struggling in their own journey or let people who've already been through this know that they are not alone. Because you are not. We are in this together.

Ok, love you all, bye!

#ace #aro #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #story time #tw bullying #tw masterbation #tw periods #tw aphobia #aphobia #coming out #coming out story

[wingless-thrush]

Impossibly Imperfect

(The following is an edited version of a personal blog originally posted on 10 May 2012.)

I lived in Asheville, North Carolina for a couple years while growing up, which is located in the mountainous western part of the state. Our neighborhood was perched on the side of Beaucatcher Mountain, and was comprised of a lot of hilly, windy streets. One particular neighborhood street was especially steep, with a sharp S-curve at the bottom of a long, straight hill. Just beyond the S-curve, the terrain dropped off dramatically into a rugged, wooded ravine. If the street had been a busier road, it would be one of those notorious stretches of highway that has a nickname like Death Hill or Blood Alley.

As it was, the street didn’t have very many houses on it and was lightly traveled by cars, so it became a favorite spot for us to play. I’d pull my red Radio Flyer wagon to the top of the hill, climb on board, and then ride at top speed down the hill, with the wind blowing in my face. The feeling of flying downhill was as ecstatic as the first big drop on a roller coaster, but was tempered with the very real danger of missing the curve, flying off the pavement, and ending up broken and bloodied at the bottom of the ravine.

The memory of flying down that hill in a Radio Flyer wagon at high speed, with a near-certain bloody and painful death at the bottom of the hill rapidly getting closer, has become somewhat of an unfortunate metaphor for my love life over the years. The whole realm of relationships and sexuality has been a very difficult one for me, and it’s not without a degree of hesitation that I write about it here.  While I do a pretty good job at maintaining close friendships with quite a few attractive women, things always seem to fall apart whenever there’s a hint of romantic feelings involved.

Part of it may have to do with the uptight Calvinist background I grew up in, where sexuality was hardly ever discussed except in the context of there apparently being far too much of it on television and in popular culture. And then there’s the fact that I was sexually abused as a child, by an older neighborhood kid who promised to allow me into his “club” if I performed certain acts down in the woods behind the house. Somehow my membership card to his secret club must have repeatedly gotten lost in the mail, because I kept having to go through the initiation process over and over again.

I'm also mildly autistic with some related mental health issues like anxiety and depression, and that no doubt plays a big role as well, even though I never knew I was on the spectrum until I was well into adulthood. Nowadays I can do a pretty good job of pretending I’m at least somewhat normal, but as a kid I was clueless. Nobody really had a name for my condition at that time; I just assumed I was a weird misfit due to some horrible character defect on my part. While my classmates were playing with their Transformers or G.I. Joe action figures, I was usually off in the corner sketching pictures of bridges and spaceships. A few years later when they were having their first sexual experiences, I was still sketching (slightly more refined) pictures of bridges and spaceships. It’s not that I didn’t have sexual feelings or wasn’t incredibly attracted to certain girls at school; it’s just that I was too chickenshit to actually act on those feelings. My classmates assumed I was gay or asexual, and bullied the living shit out of me accordingly. During bus rides home in 5th grade, a few of the popular kids would corner me in the back of the school bus and ask me invasive questions about my sexuality. If they didn’t like my answer, one of them would give me a swift punch in the stomach.

As you might imagine, relationships and sexuality – things that, in an ideal world, should be sources of joy and happiness for those involved – had come to be strongly associated with feelings of guilt, shame, rejection, and violence in my mind. When you crash the Radio Flyer wagon into the ravine too many times, you start to dread the idea of hauling it back up the hill for another ride.

Fast-forward to this past week, when a random bit of news during my workday brought back vivid memories of a time when I flew down that metaphorical hill way too fast, and ended up crashing into the ravine in a most spectacular manner.

As it turns out, a former crush of mine is getting married on Saturday, and not to me. You’d think I’d be over it after almost a decade, but this one really stung. For a few months in late 2002 and early 2003, “Jennifer” and I had developed what I considered a pretty deep long-distance relationship, which culminated in her flying to Philadelphia and meeting up with me during her spring break.

I’ve always had a pretty specific picture in my head of what my ideal partner is like, and it was uncanny just how close she came to that mental image, in a number of important ways: her intelligence, her emotional maturity, her overall great looks, and so forth. Nobody else before or since then has come quite so close to my idealized version of Miss Right. I was much more religious back then than I am now, and I was convinced she was the gift from God that I had been praying for almost my entire life.

I’ve always been drawn to the unique and unusual. In a neighborhood full of bland McMansions, I’m the guy who would buy something like the Mushroom House. Whenever I’d get a handful of candy corn around Halloween, I’d always pick out the mutant pieces and eat them first, because they were special and stood out from the others. I was somehow convinced this made them taste better.

Likewise, for as long as I can remember I’ve been fascinated by and found beauty in people with certain unique physical characteristics – even something as relatively minor as having a pair of webbed toes – but particularly with people who are missing one or more limbs, either by birth or through circumstances later in life. Jennifer wasn’t the first amputee I’d felt romantic feelings toward, and she likely won’t be the last. The first crush I ever had was toward Carol Johnston, a gymnast who was born without part of her right arm. Her story was the subject of a Disney film I saw on TV while growing up, and I was enthralled with the shape and movement of her partial arm, which ended with a small, round stump just below her elbow. (Carol is almost old enough to be my mother, but she appeared much closer to my age in the film, which had been produced a number of years before I saw it.) Jennifer was completely armless, not unlike Simona Atzori, an Italian artist and dancer who was also born without arms. No stumps or even scars, just perfectly smooth shoulders where a pair of arms would normally begin. Her use of her feet for daily tasks was as fluid and natural as most people’s use of their hands. I’d gladly pick somebody like her over any number of plastic-looking supermodels.

There’s a lot more to it than just the physical attraction, though. What I find equally appealing is the fact that people like Jennifer have a unique story to tell, that they know what it’s like to be different and to overcome obstacles. My favorite people in the world are those who strive to overcome life’s challenges with grace and humor, and who embrace their own uniqueness. This might be the one element that all my closest friends have in common, regardless of how many limbs they have.

An army of therapists could spend countless hours speculating on all the reasons why I have these feelings, and still not come up with a satisfactory answer. I wouldn’t really call it a fetish, although sexual attraction is certainly one part of it. I’ve always felt different throughout my life, and I think maybe I find a kindred spirit in somebody who is as different on the outside as I am on the inside, and who has spent a lifetime overcoming obstacles and dealing with other people’s stares and clueless comments, as well as more mundane things like a lack of wheelchair ramps or doorknobs that are difficult to grasp. To be clear, the attraction has nothing at all to do with any hardship or suffering that comes with being an amputee. I’ve had a few close friends over the years who are amputees, and I wouldn’t wish those phantom pains, ongoing medical issues, or the cost of a prosthetic limb on anybody.

As you might imagine, being attracted to amputees brings forth a lot of conflicted feelings that include heavy doses of shame and guilt. Pop culture values physical perfection to an obscene level, and people don’t like to be reminded that they might someday lose a leg in a car accident, or give birth to a child that has less than ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. Veterans who lose limbs in combat are either swept under the rug and ignored by the people who sent them into combat in the first place, or are maybe put onto a pedestal and briefly worshipped as folk heros – but never portrayed as the guy next door who lost his legs and a couple of close friends to a roadside bomb, and who still has nightmares about it. But I didn’t choose to have this attraction any more than Jennifer chose to be born without arms, and I reject the notion that I should beat myself up over an aspect of my psyche that I never willingly signed up for.

Soon after high school, my family got a computer, and I was introduced to this new thing called the Internet for the first time. After dialing in to AOL and doing a couple of creative searches (I’m really dating myself here), I soon discovered that I’m not the only person who has this attraction; people like me are typically referred to as devotees within the community. (The phenomenon also has a very dry technical term: Acrotomophilia.) Personally, I find the terminology inadequate – the term admirer has also been tossed around, which I find more apt – but for better or worse, devotee seems to be the accepted label.

How do amputees typically feel about this attraction? Opinions vary widely. Some find it very flattering and liberating; a common sentiment is that it’s nice to be seen as an attractive woman with no caveats, as opposed to being seen as attractive despite a disability. Others find it extremely repulsive and threatening, feeling that devotees are getting their jollies from what for many amputees is the most painful and traumatic episode of their lives. Most amputees’ feelings probably fall somewhere between those two extremes, perhaps accepting of the attraction despite some reservations. As a gross generalization, my experience is that amputees who were born that way tend to be more accepting of the attraction than those who lost a limb later in life due to trauma or disease. It’s a very controversial issue within online support groups and other amputee-related communities, with very passionate feelings on all sides of the issue. The purpose of this post isn’t to change anybody’s mind about it, but to simply articulate my own feelings.

Back in the 90’s there used to be a small online community of devotees and devotee-friendly amputees, mostly on IRC and an email listserv. There were even occasional real-life gatherings, and a number of marriages have come from those meetings. With a fairly intimate community it was easier to keep the predatory elements away, of which there are unfortunately quite a few. In the amputee-devotee subculture, the bad apples usually consist of guys who get off on some sort of power trip by being with somebody they perceive as helpless, or people who live out their fantasies by pretending to be amputees online.

Unfortunately, with the explosion in social media such as MySpace and then Facebook over the past few years, what used to be a fairly tight-knit and self-policing internet subculture has become a free-for-all, with some devotees pursuing amputees with all the grace and chivalry of the Nazgûl pursuing the One Ring, and ruining it for those who have better social skills and more honest intentions. There are still some vestiges of the old community left, but it’s a pretty small and isolated group with relatively little in the way of new blood.

I know of a number of amputee/devotee couples who couldn’t be happier. I also know of devotees who have gone their entire lives without finding their ideal partner to settle down with, and I know of others who ultimately married non-amputees only to find themselves depressed and frustrated, and their marriages failing. As for myself, it certainly makes things difficult because my ideal dating pool is a tiny fraction of the general population. I can go months or years at a time before seeing an attractive female amputee out in public, and the whole online scene is a crapshoot. On the rare occasion I see an attractive amputee out in public and I fail to make any kind of meaningful contact with her (which is almost always the case – I universally err on the side of keeping a respectful distance and doing nothing, rather than annoying her with any awkward advances), it can haunt me for months or years after the fact.

Mind you, I’m still very attracted to able-bodied women as well. The longest relationship I’ve had so far was with somebody who wasn’t an amputee, and I don’t regret a minute of it. But in looking for a long-term relationship or marriage, I face a bit of a dilemma. When I was in that relationship, there was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn’t being true to my feelings and that I was “settling” for something that was less than my ideal, and I was overcome with feelings of guilt. I didn’t feel like I was being fair to either her or myself. Nobody likes to be told they’re a second choice.

Jennifer seemed flattered by my unusual form of attention, and I was thrilled with the idea that after so much longing and searching, I had finally found somebody to share my life with. But the day after she arrived in town and we first met face-to-face, she called me up at work just a couple hours before we were supposed to meet again, and slammed the brakes on any notion of a relationship. She never did give a clear reason, but seemed to imply that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and that the chemistry didn’t feel right.

On one level it was understandable, as there was a pretty significant age difference between us, we had different backgrounds and ambitions, and lived a couple thousand miles apart. At that moment on the phone, though, I felt like a bomb had just been detonated within my already-fragile psyche. I blame myself for getting my hopes up too high in the first place, but that euphoric feeling of being head-over-heels in love was incredible while it lasted. For a brief few weeks, I felt like I was racing downhill in that Radio Flyer wagon, and the S-curve and ravine were no longer a threat. I haven’t experienced anything like it since then, and part of me wonders if I ever will.

She said she wanted to remain friends, and held out the idea that maybe sometime in the future, things might work out between us. But it never happened. The phone calls and online chats became less frequent, and then stopped altogether. My greetings went unanswered, and after a lot of heartbreak and depression on my part, I eventually moved on. She became somewhat of a minor media celebrity with her motivational speaking gigs and other accomplishments, and I continued quietly making slow but steady progress toward my academic and professional goals.

I had pretty much put that episode out of my mind until now, but learning that she’s getting married this week brought it all back. In all honesty, I wish her the best, and with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, I can now look back and see about a million reasons why things never would have worked out between us. As painful as it was for me, she probably did the right thing by breaking it off sooner rather than later.

So now I’m spilling my guts here, mainly just to get it off my chest and hopefully gain some catharsis, but also to shed some insight into an aspect of my life that, until now, I’ve kept pretty private. No doubt some parts of this blog entry dove pretty far into TMI territory for some, but I’m hoping the benefits outweigh any negative blowback. A few of my closest friends already know about this side of me, and seem generally accepting of it, even if it’s impossible for them to fully understand it.

One of my resolutions for the new year was to try and let go of some emotional baggage that I’ve been carrying around my neck like an albatross, and this is part of that process. With people all over the country being denied equal rights and bullied to the point of suicide because of who they love, it seems hypocritical for me to champion their rights while keeping my own sexual proclivities safely tucked away in the closet, out of danger. Maybe some good will come of this blog post, and there may be some negative consequences as well. But I think I’ve reached the point where I’m finally willing to stop living in fear of the what-if scenarios, and to let the chips fall where they may.

#amputee #congenital amputee #armless #limb difference #devotee #acrotomophilia #relationships

[grokebaby]

@parasite-core

Hmmmmmm my oc of choice uhhh (<- is fatally indecisive)

Let's go with Delilah bc she deserves a bit more spotlight!!

(BTW for any future asks please send the question itself as well, ty!! /nm)

2 = What's your oc's orientation + their thoughts about it?

Delilah is an ace lesbian!! I like to think she'd be very gentle and tender if she were to get into a relationship but it's really hard to get close to her and she has little time anyways to focus on her personal life. She loves being an aunt though! I think nearly all the people close to her are allosexual so by comparison she might feel a bit isolated sometimes and lacking someone to talk and relate with about asexuality. That, and the Pride district demons tend to be really invasive or crass if they feel like throwing nasty comments so it's something Delilah has to keep close to her. She has thick skin yeah and doesn't think of herself as the type to need lots of support but it can definitely frustrate her that her aceness is really invisible in her day to day life. Obviously Deirdre and Lassi for example are very supportive to her but they're both kinda slutty so they wouldn't have common ground with her on that, which I can say from experience can feel really isolating. Obviously not saying aces can't be slutty but Delilah herself is sex neutral to averse, leaning more on the latter usually.

She's not terribly interested in dating though and/or has given up things like that due to her profession but Her identity as a butch lesbian is meaningful to her especially since she's a trans woman, so it's definitely been a journey for her. It's hard to put exactly into words rn but ykno how your orientation still affects your personal life and feelings about other people even if you weren't actively on the dating scene? That's true for Delilah as well. I sometimes think she might also be gray or demiromantic as well but regardless, having a partner isn't relevant to her life situation rn and I don't think she could see herself trying to seek one anyway anytime soon. She's content with having her family and (very very) few friends. She's very introverted.

5 = how did you figure out your oc's identity?

Uhh I think it all came soon after I figured out her being a trans woman? I kinda simultaneously decided both she and Xerxes should be trans bc fuck yeah!!!! Lesbian was just bc. Vibes. And butch women go brrr and she had the perfect vibe to be that but her being ace does have some deeper thought behind it. Since she is a butch transbian I kinda wanted some spot of her character to be subversive and I know there's a bit of a gross stereotype around both trans and butch women that portrays them as inherently more sexual and perverse (glances hatefully at terfs), so I wanted to make her ace. I know and see the infantilism often aimed at ace people and I think we need more hardass cool ace characters. Obviously you don't wanna go too far in the other direction and imply asexuality makes someone cold and jaded but you get the point I'm trying to make with this (Tangent: wow I'm just realizing the dumbass shit ace people have to put up with, simultaneously being portrayed as innocent baby beans and also socially awkward cold jerks. Aphobia is a hell of a thing we just can't win can we)

Anyway.

Since she has an overall air of being strong and intimidating, and people could make assumptions about her sexuality based on that, I wanted to do something different there. I personally think aceness adds more interesting depth to her character as opposed to if she were allosexual. I feel like it all ties into an interesting complexity with her strong exterior and soft interior that I just really like. Queer women by beloved

Besides all that, I tend to lean towards making more aro than ace characters since I'm personally more aro than ace, so ykno, wanted to balance it out

Wanna Send me more?

#Ask game #Oc Pride #Delilah #Demon oc #Sorry this took a while as I said: fatally indecisive #Which is why I'd prefer people specify an oc but ah well #I know that's not always possible #Anyways Delilah <333

[toastchild]

OK, I'm not sure if I can phrase everything I want to say correctly, but I'll try anyway: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

Like, really!

Your art is just GORGEOUS, both old and new! And I love love LOVE that you included a bisexual trans male character! (SERIOUSLY, AS A BISEXUAL TRANS GUY MYSELF IT MEANS A LOT TO ME!) I just love Tristan so much, and (what seems to be) his li'l crush on Gabe is just adorable!

Although, to be honest, as much as I love those two (being laid-back and "looking for a dream boy" are two things I can heavily relate to), in terms of personality so far my favorite is perhaps Alizée, and design-wise it would be Noah. Like seriously, when it comes to Noah I can't decide if I just want to look like them or date them??? *fanboy scream* THEY'RE TOO COOL!!! (>////<)

Regardless, I just adore your comic, and everything about it. Everything looks great, everyone is adorable, the diversity is just AWESOME! Bianca and Penny's interactions are just so awkward, funny, cute, and relatable! I just love it! Thank you for bringing a little joy into my life as a non-straight, non-cis person looking for "rainbow" content.

Compliments aside, though, there's something I want to say. I just recently noticed you changed how you identify as, and I have to ask - how did you realize you were aro AND ace? If I remember correctly, you used to identify as aromantic and lesbian (sorry if that's not true, btw). Was it a case of you realizing you only liked girls in the aesthetic sense in spite of being open to intimacy and/or a relationship with them?

Sorry for the weird questions by the way, you don't have to answer them if you don't feel like it. I don't mean to be invasive, I'm just genuinely curious about such things, considering I am neither asexual nor aromantic exactly, and I have never felt any true semblance of being a lesbian (since I'm a trans boy who likes more than one gender, I could not feel any connection to the word "lesbian" when I learned about it even though I'm really into ladies).

If it somehow alleviates whatever discomfort I might have brought to you by bringing up a (possibly) unpleasant subject amidst such praise, I'd like for you to know that I have kind of aromantic/asexual -ish values myself. That is, in spite being a huge fan of romance and, er, "bedroom bonding," I think platonic love should always come first, and I always feel aces, aros, demis, and everyone in the ace/aro spectrum deserve better both in real life AND in fiction.

Anyway, I'm glad your art, comics, and characters exist, they're a treat to the eyes and a warm embrace for the soul, especially for LGBT+ people. I hope you continue to bring smiles to peoples' faces by being your lovely self, and I hope you always find people who do the same for you.

You are a rare jewel, and I wish you good luck on your journey as an artist, as a person, and as a human being.

(P.S. I just realized i made this message WAY too long than I had originally planned. I really went overboard with this one. Oh well... *shyly walks away*)

DUDE!!! I can't thank you enough for such an absolute essay I'm seriously so grateful for the time it must have taken to write this!! All your thoughts about my characters make me so so happy aaa I can't believe it <333

You're right, I used to identify as aromantic and lesbian and I still think women are very lovely! You're spot on, I'm definitely more into girls in an aesthetic sense I think they're funky and cool but god I would never want to date anyone.

I actually realized I am definitely asexual recently - basically w/o getting too explicit someone offered me the option to try "it" and it freaked me out so much it kind of set off an "ohhhh okay, I'm definitely not a sexual person" moment. Honestly, I kind of grew up being told I was too young to identify as asexual and to just wait until I'm older, but bro I'm older now and I still feel the same way so 🤠🤸‍♀️ Honestly I think my thoughts are if a label is resounding w you - give it a try, nothing has to be permanent! You're allowed to change your mind, there are no rules.

Anyway!! I just wanted to thank you again for writing to me and making my day, I hope you're absolutely thriving <333333

#long post #toastchild asks #<33333333 #ily!!!!

[satorhime]

۫ ׅ۫۫ ִ ﹗ ִ 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒.

❤︎ this blog is not spoiler free (i tag spoilers for new chs/eps only), writes and interacts with both nsfw and dark content. it is absolutely not a safe space for minors, and if you are under the age of eighteen, please do not follow me or attempt to interact with my content.

❤︎ do not interact with me or my content if you are racist / believe in reverse-racism, fatphobic, ageist, lgbtqa+ phobic, pro-life, pro-ana, are a blog that romanticizes eating disorders and/or self harm, send hate to creators, etc.

❤︎ i age up / timeskip fictional characters in my writings! they are all 21+. if you are against this, do not follow me or interact with my content please. they are nothing more than story devices, not real people. i won't ever engage in discourse on this so don't bother trying.

❤︎ have your age visible with an age indicator to follow. "not a minor" is not enough information and will be blocked. if your blog is completely blank/ageless, you will be blocked.

❤︎ honestly dni if you post negative things about characters just because they’re trending and you want to be different <3 it’s annoying and draining to see don’t be a party pooper :(

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐄 !

❤︎ please be respectful of me and my space. do not bring discourse into my inbox, especially if it does not directly involve me. i am a human being, and your ignorant, hateful, or disrespectful asks will not be tolerated or entertained.

❤︎ please do not ask me super invasive or personal questions.

❤︎ if i break mutuals with you and you are blocked, there are no hard feelings between us on my end. most likely, it was because i want to keep a positive, drama free environment on my dash/blog and if you're a generally messy person, you're not someone i want to be around <3

❤︎ please do not call me out of my name. pet names are okay i love them !!!! but i am highly uncomfy with being referred to by derogatory names such as "bitch" "slut" "dumbass" "whore" by literal strangers on the internet.

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❤︎ no my username is not gojohime related i will SUE

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 !

❤︎ content warnings are there for a reason and should be read before reading any fic, not just my own.

❤︎ i do not use trigger tags as i have found the tagging system to be very glitchy for me. please filter the content / words you are uncomfortable with and protect yourself!

❤︎ i do not take requests, but very rarely i’ll turn a conversation or suggestion into a fic if i’m motivated.

❤︎ all of my fics are written with f!reader in mind, and will use she/her pronouns, unless stated or prompted otherwise.

❤︎ please do not ask me for part two of a fic. these comments and asks will be blocked. i also don't mind questions about wips and love them, but please do not rush me as it makes me feel pressured. writing is just a fun lil hobby for me, not a career.

❤︎ i do not write for non-con, sexual assault, slave play, domestic violence, suicidal / themes of pedophilia, loli/shotacon, and more.

❤︎ translations and reposting is prohibited on any site. do not reupload my works into wattpad books, compilations, or edits. the ideas / wips i post about are not free use unless stated and you are not allowed to copy them or use them.

❤︎ if you have finished reading through my rules, find my writings here: masterlist

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

💓 , 🍨, 💜, 🧋, 🧃, ♟, ☃️

[glittery-ishfish]

Needlessly Long and Dramatic APH Belarus Slander

A/N: Just to clarify, I am NOT at all referring to the REAL COUNTRY of Belarus. The citizens of Belarus are already trying so hard to fight, literally risking their lives, for freedom and national identity. I am not about to ignorantly hold an entire country accountable for what their government and dictator do and have done, especially since people are dying trying to fight for basic human rights.

This is about HETALIA’S Belarus. SPECIFICALLY Hetalia’s Belarus as a PERSON, not as a nation. As I said in one of my first posts, there’s not nearly enough slander of this depiction of Belarus. And when there was, it was for the wrong reasons (“she gets in between me and my ships”). This has been festering inside me and I need to let it all out.

And do keep in mind that this is APH Belarus slander. This is my opinion. It's in the title. Don't like it? Then move on. I don't care, I don't wanna hear it.

And if you stayed, I hope you're ready because I'm about to spill my angry guts out😃👍

Hetalia’s Belarus is a terrible person and a poor, insulting personification of the country.

How?

Let's see, uh…

She bullies, deliberately ignores, and is overall a complete cow to her older sister because she falsely assumes that Russia wants to marry her instead.

Is needlessly hostile and rude to everyone, regardless if they mean well.

Threatens and curses people who disagree with, or even question, Russia because "how dare they have an opinion".

Gets angry when Russia talks to anyone who isn't her, regardless if it’s for professional reasons.

One of the (many, many, many) reasons why Russia doesn’t have any friends is because she scares people off just to have him all to herself.

Blames other people (especially her sister) for Russia's constant avoidance of her rather than reflecting on her own behavior.

Is weirdly contradictory. She’s been shown actively stalking seeking out recruits to ‘become one’ with Russia but gets all ornery and pissy when said recruits are close to him (like, what did you expect??).

Makes Russia’s life more of a living Hell and even curses him when he outright tells her “no”.

Throws violent temper tantrums when things don’t go her way and destroys things.

Has deluded herself into thinking that Russia does want to marry her and dismisses his fearful reactions as stubbornness/“Tsundere behavior”.

Is completely on board with Russia’s desire to take over the world (which she misinterprets as "turn everyone into big brother’s slaves" rather than Russia’s real intentions [as fucked up and naive as they are], "being friends with everyone").

Has been bullying Lithuania since childhood even though he loves her and has repeatedly broken his fingers and legs.

Has been implied to have done questionable things to the Baltics ("Today, I played around with___. It’s interesting to see what expressions he makes when I do such things to him").

Isn’t above hurting animals. Got into a fight with a cat simply because it was “in big brother’s way”.

Has done an impression of the stereotypical "Imōto-chan trope" in an attempt to "persuade" her brother into marriage (I know it's minuscule compared to what I've already mentioned, but the fact that she just blatantly assumes that Russia is the kind of person who would be into that is just...ew).

Held Liechtenstein in a chokehold when asked to interact with her.

Actually likes her authoritarian jackass of a boss and has made a fansite of him (the only other person she’s done this for is Russia, which is saying a lot).

Silent calls people out of spite.

Has stolen, smelled, and worn her brother's underwear on her head as a nightcap.

Takes invasive photos of Russia without his knowledge or consent.

Constantly ruins and/or breaks down Russia's doors.

Leaves scratch marks on Russia's property as a hobby.

Has indecent, sexual fantasies about her brother.

Has used physical force on Russia (ie. crushing his arm) to get him to marry her and showed zero remorse over hurting him.

Has an entire Hetastagram (Instagram) account called ‘Daily Big Brother’, where she praises, stalks, and publicly posts photos of Russia online without his consent (and I’m willing to bet that some of them were the suggestive ones I mentioned earlier).

Overall, not a good person. A brat, even.

Belarus is one of those characters that I adore aesthetically. I love her design (have you seen her in a ponytail?), I occasionally do voice impressions of her for fun and I’m always ecstatic when I discover canon information about her. Hell, I have an entire document dedicated to canon descriptions of her physical appearance just to cosplay her (I’ve been wanting to cosplay Bela for a very long time).

But at the same time I know for a fact that, if I knew her in real life, I would absolutely hate her guts.

I already don't like her as a person, and I know I said this is about her personality specifically, but I especially don't like her as a personification of a country that's already been going through hell just to keep its independence (and it's even more gross and insulting in real life knowing that it's Russia that's out to take away Belarus' national autonomy).

Belarus' obsession with Russia does influence most of her bad traits. He's not, by any means, a good influence.

However, she fails to recognize his many fatal faults and misinterprets what he wants as malicious world domination and enslavement, which she's concerningly more than happy to indulge.

She sees Russia as this idealized, flanderized version of himself. She sees him as something to praise and revere, as this brooding, merciless god-on-earth who's righteous in every way. To put it into perspective, the way she sees Russia is very similar to how the fandom saw him during the 2010s and sometimes still sees him today.

She doesn't really know her brother or even see him as his own person. Sure, she can name every location he's ever been to, is obnoxiously protective of him, and knows his pinky toe turns red when he's embarrassed, but she doesn't know who he is as a person. His likes, dislikes, what he wants, and especially, what he doesn't want. She likes the idea of him and just makes assumptions from there without any input or consent.

Belarus won't acknowledge it, but to her, Russia is essentially a doll. Just a target. An object to keep, project, and force her affection onto.

And this isn't the same as Russia doing harmful things out of a lack of understanding of how the world works. This isn't the same as Russia being cognitively unaware of everyone's fear of him.

No. Bela knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows better than to be doing what she’s doing. But she indulges anyway simply because she lacks impulse control. And from the looks of it, it's deliberate.

And the worst part about all this? She’s never been held accountable for her actions. Not once does someone reprimand her or call her out for her shitty behavior and, if anything, it’s enabled.

Russia can't bring himself to tell her off or get rid of her (out of both familial love and fear), which only makes matters worse since Bela's fanatical dumbass will only assume that his lack of action means that he approves of her behavior.

But it's not like what Russia does matters anyway because if he even tries to put her down (gently or otherwise) and behaves outside of her idealized version of him, she'll just throw a shit fit and make him more miserable. He's forever stuck in this vicious cycle until he's drained from her antics and finally gives in to what she wants.

And the reason(s) why other people let her get away with the shit she pulls is because:

They're also scared of her.

She’s a female nation, and no one tells female nations what to do.

"She’s just so cute!” (PrettyPrivilege™️).

The closest thing she’s ever gotten to a ‘reality check’ was in that 2011 Halloween comic. When Denmark casually brushes off her usual attempts at intimidation.

And laughs to her face for even trying in the first place.

(Denmark, you’re wonderful, don’t ever change)

Belarus is implied to be lonely and has had a rough upbringing like her siblings, leaving her with a pessimistic view of life and relationships. She's tried to break away from Russia once (I imagine her bosses at the time forced her to) and lived with America, who also got tired of her antics and tried to get rid of her as well. This would explain a lot of her obsessive, co-dependent behavior and, by all accounts, is enough to garner some form of sympathy.

However, the reason why Bela is lonely is that she's actively choosing to cling to one person. She pushes all of her projections and issues onto Russia, further isolating him while not giving a single flying fuck over how her actions affect him and those around her.

And even when there are other people who love and care about her unconditionally (for some reason), she’s dismissive and a complete bitch to them. She takes those relationships for granted and only ever indulges them if it serves some sort of benefit to her (usually as a means of getting closer to Russia).

As if the fact that she's indulging in incestuous fantasies isn't bad enough, she's making active attempts to make them a reality and giving no regard over how her target feels. She takes time out of her day to intentionally hurt others who dare to disagree. The fact that there are other people who care about her and want her to be happy means nothing to her. It's painfully frustrating to watch.

Even traits that should be positive (strength and passion) are manifested in negative ways. She's been noted to be talented and has so much potential. But instead, she chooses to waste said potential in favor of being...this.

So long story short, Belarus is the kind of person who will never be happy. Regardless if she magically gets what she wants in the end.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: I absolutely love it when the fandom goes the extra mile to expand on her character. She's shrouded in mystery and could have at least one positive trait for all we know (unfortunately, that reveal's not gonna happen anytime soon).

I typically don't care for headcanons and this is one of the few exceptions. It's a breath of fresh air to see different interpretations of her character.

Man, Belarus. You bring out the worst in people.

And you're not putting in any effort to change that. To be a better version of yourself. Have you any self-respect?

So you must be happy with where you are. And if that's the case, then why should I, or anyone, feel bad?

I guess I see why I should be sorry for you, but I also see no point in wasting sympathy on someone who's content with being a shitty person.

Don't go out of your way to be a petty asshole and this wouldn't happen🤗

So yeah, Hetalia’s Belarus is not just a terrible person, but a poor, insulting personification of the country.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

#hetalia #aph belarus #hetalia belarus #hws belarus #tw swearing #tw suggestive #Seriously Hima? #What happened to 'there's no particular bad guy in Hetalia'? #At least try to give her one potentially redeeming quality #“She's not always a bratty bitch to her sister” doesn't qualify as a positive trait #*aggressive mic-drop* #Christ this is messy😅 #Wow Bela you suck at redemption arcs #Like...girl you're not even trying #You're not even good at being an evil minion #It's laughable😆 #I love her but I don't #I want to (literally) slap some sense into her #Plinko-lookin' ass #This is so stupid what am I doing #I don't think I've ever done so much Italics in one sitting #I'd say she needs to get a life but look what I'm doing #I should drink more water

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Hi! I hope it is not too weird to ask, but I am really trying to understand - I totally get that it is not ok to post something private about Pedro himself and treat disrespectfully him and his private life, call him daddy and seek for his reaction to it.

Although, I've seen people here that say the same but also post fanfiction/gif posts where Pedro characters can be called daddy and/or lot of thirsting takes place. You write fics yourself. I mean, is it different because Pedro boys are fictional characters and the whole point of fic is to be fictional story we'd like to imagine? It's still Pedro impersonating them and people thirst over Pedro's appearance and etc, not somebody else's, while reading those. It's unavoidable to imagine him there, playing the character.

Again, I'm not trying to insult you, in fact I actually love your writing) it's more like I question my morals, as I love Pedro for being sunshine and pretty man who brings joy, but I do love smutty fics with Pedro boys. Many people do, as I see. So I started to think about morality in this. I don't like to read fics about Pedro being a real person, it feels intrusive/disrespectful/inappropriate, as if trying to guess what's he like in bed. Just no.

Sorry for long read, but I am really curious what do you think. Have a nice day✨

Hi!

I will try to answer this the best I can. I have a weird english day today (this morning i thanked someone for his injury instead of his inquiry in a work email and I've been trying not to carve my own eyes out ever since)

I have thought a lot about morals in the last years, it's a big factor of why i stopped writing RPF (let me tell you, meeting the actual person you wrote smut about is the weirdest fucking thing ever).

I feel like in the last years the line between what is normal (boundaries!) and what is not got very blurred? It seems to me that people have no filter, get very invasive and just shout out everything into the void that has become the internet. (and media is not helping with that either)

Like I wrote in the tags earlier today the thing some years back with people finding it totally normal to share the private address of Keanu Reeves to a point that people just showed up at his house (seriously, what is wrong with people?)

There seems to be no boundaries anymore and I hope it never gets to that point with Pedro. Part of me is relieved he has no twitter anymore cause holy crap the things that must be happening over there...

I only see what happens in reblogs. I'm not on tiktok. I only follow like 60 people on here. My instagram is even more dead. And I am glad about it lol

The only place where I really "thirst" is on discord and that's more or less private. To me it's a difference if I say things in private or post them online for everyone (and the media) to see.

And with fanfiction...

Yes you could argue that writing smut about an actor's character is sexualizing the person itself too. But personally I don't think of Pedro as a person at all when I write or read about his characters. I think about what he brought to the character. Yes, they might share his face, but everything else is fiction. Does that make sense? In my head it does.

The last thing I would want from Pedro is to do anything I wrote with his characters about. I would take him out to eat a cupcake and then gift him a spa day so that he can get a massage for his back and after that a good night of sleep. It's really werid if you think about it. His characters could probably have me on my knees with a snap of their finger but Pedro would not get more than a hug lol

Pedro is just the newest person to be hyped on the internet (and with that always comes an influx of people) and after S3 of the Mandalorian things will die down again (mark my words) but i am genuienly concerned for where this will be going in the meantime

#asks #fandom

[luellaaa]

don't ask ? don't tell ?

[this is not about the US Army policy]

tonight i've been thinking about encounters in my life where people have talking about sexuality and how i've noticed that different age groups have different reactions when personal sexuality is the subject of conversation.

this is what i've noticed from being in crowds where i'm either the oldest, or the youngest (literally no in-between)

~ age >20 normalises personal sexuality and the topic of sexuality. open about thoughts, feelings and ask questions without fear.

~ age <20 are quite the opposite and don't like to talk about or disclose personal info about themselves or others, don't ask questions either.

growing up in the 2010's and living my adolescence in the 2020's i've found that people my age and younger are extremely open about themselves, and not afraid to ask others of their identity or sexuality. i believe i might sit on the cusp of people that doesn't like to be so open, and people that couldn't care less about who knows about their identity and sexual preference.

instance one is in and around the school environment. close friends, friends, and people i had only spoken to less than once in my life would come up to me and ask me such questions. "you gay?" "yeah you're bi" "so what are you?" "so you're asexual right?" "oh yeah i heard you're pan". one friend would ask me if i was fruity just about every week because i never gave a concrete answer. for the record, i have never explicitly come out as anything, nor do i plan on doing so. through these statements and questions from just about everyone in my inner/outer circle i have grown used to such questions and really don't think anything of them- like it's invasive, but you never have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. i still don't know how to handle them though, i just shrug it off or say something like "nope, where did you hear that?" "who said that?" "i don't really know to be honest" stuff like that. i can see how it's invasive and weird, but i can also see how it's normalised and i think kids just want to know, as if it were a question like what's your favourite colour. (desensitised to the topic in a way) i think that like kids in the 2010's have grown up being taught not to care who's who and who's what and the majority know to love and accept either way.

instance two was at a karen's diner and i was with a friend. being karen's, it's already a casual and rude/invasive/wrong setting. my friend was wearing sunglasses that look like 'the fame' album cover. one worker came up to us and goes "oh my god are those, like, lady gaga" and my friend goes "oh so you're girlypop." and i go "omg yeah" and the worker blows up at my friend and i for asking that threatening to kick us out for breaching their respect code. i had so many thoughts running through my mind, like how come its normal between younger peers but with older peers its completely inappropriate? (i'm talking 15-19 being younger and 20-25 being older) why is this guy blowing up at my friend like this because its not like we care, but then again why did we need to ask? i believe the waiter was 18 or a little older, i feel really bad for him and i know my friend didn't want to upset him, but then again in a setting full of young people the question is so normalised that neither of us expected that reaction from him. talking to this friend, we don't believe young people ask someones sexuality as a malicious thing as it was in the past. sexuality is something that people are still fighting for today, but something that has been normalised in western cultures and through young education etc kids now are only asking because they are curious and want to know. this waiter was definitely still a teenager but was probably the youngest in their group of people in the workplace. they had an older co-worker also there speaking on their behalf, which could have influenced their reaction?

instance three was tonight (the reason why i'm writing this post actually) talking to my manager at work about instance two. the look of disgust on his face, i had lost all thoughts from my head and as much as i kept saying to save the conversation- i really couldn't say anything because i didn't realise how it was just so normalised within my age group. i've said "you can't just ask someone that" and he shuts his eyes and shakes his head in agreement. we sort of left the conversation at that, the shift was over and we went our separate ways, but i still felt like i needed to talk more about it. (so hence i'm writing this post)

in the car driving home, i was thinking asking that type of question isn't okay, especially if it's someone you don't know well enough- like it's personal info that no one is entitled to know. but why is it so normalised in my age group to simply ask and tell? like no one cares, like asking what your favourite colour is (and yes i do know its deeper than that, but genz really doesn't make it feel that way) also why isn't it normalised with people in their 20's/older? i believe they find it offensive? and there's no real conclusion to this post as everyone has their own thoughts and are 100% entitled to their own opinions. i'm just sharing this as i might find common ground with people? like if this is noticeable or if its something only i think- i really hope its not though. i believe it should be normalised? but then again i can 100% see how the question is invasive and wrong to ask (because i literally find it uncomfortable to answer) but if someone asks me like i won't be offended as i don't think its deep enough to be offended over? lol i don't even know what to think i hope someone relates to or understands this

i'm so sorry i think this blog post is so messy but it's a brain dump of the same conflicting emotions over and over so if u read slay and thx <3

#queer #gay #questioning #bi #pan #sexuality #lgbtqia #closeted #queer community #asexual #asking sexuality #born this way