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schrijverr · 7 months

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I Found Myself a Cheerleader 24

Chapter 24 out of 28

Bumped to the lowest step on the social ladder after his fight with Billy, Steve gets roped in with the cheer team. What starts as a favor to help them out when one member breaks her leg in turn for protection from the brunt of the bullying, sets the universe on a different path.

In this chapter, the group goes to the War Zone to get supplies as Chrissy and Robin circle ever closer together, while Steve is still being an idiot about Eddie.

On AO3.

Ships: steddie & buckingham

Warnings: general season 4 shenanigans, internalized homophobia mention, period typical homophobia, talks about death

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Chapter 24: The War Zone

Steve had already guessed that whatever Eddie’s car alternative would be, it would be chaotic and troublesome, but he really doesn’t like what they’re doing right now. He’s sure the line of teens, headed by someone in a mask, isn’t very inconspicuous, but there is nothing to do now.

He follows Eddie to the mobile home, trying to make sure they don’t loose anyone on the way or are spotted by someone.

When they get there, Eddie opens the window and climbs into the mobile home in that clumsy graceful way of his. Steve watches his legs scramble, then his ass stick out, before he looks away to check again if no one saw, before climbing in after Eddie.

Steve has to grit his teeth against the pain, but he makes it through without yelling out or whimpering, which he counts as a win.

He helps in Chrissy, then Robin, who go to help in the others, while Eddie has disappeared to the front to hot wire the vehicle. Steve has to admit he’s curious and with the extra hands to help, he makes his way to the front to see what Eddie is doing.

At the front, Eddie is biting down on some pliers as his long fingers deftly get out the cables. In the back of his mind, Steve understands that they’re committing a crime, but he can’t help but burn the sight into his mind for later.

Needing to be able to focus on something other than Eddie’s hands and what they can do, Steve asks: “Where did you learn how to do this?” because it has never come up in their deep late night talks.

“Well, when the other dads were teaching their kids how to play fish or ball, my old man was teaching me how to hot wire,” Eddie begins and Steve immediately understands why this has never come up. Eddie hates his dad. No good memories there.

However, Eddie has a melodic voice that Steve is drawn too as Eddie continues: “Now, I swore to myself I wouldn’t wind up like he did, but now I’m wanted for murder, and soon, grand theft auto, so, uh, I’m really living up to that Munson name.”

Steve wants to say something about how Eddie is one of the kindest, sweetest people he has ever met and how he isn’t like his father at all. But he doesn’t know how to phrase it without it becoming a love confession, so he stares wordlessly and a little awkwardly.

Robin comes up behind him and puts him out of his misery by bluntly telling Eddie: “Eddie, I’m not sure I love the idea of you driving,” and Steve loves how she still remembers Eddie’s horrendous driving from that one night he drove Steve to her.

Both him and Eddie looked back at her and before Steve can share the sentiment, Eddie is already talking. Steve looks back and is entranced by how close their faces are, before he registers what Eddie is saying: “Oh, I’m just starting the sucker, Harrington’s got her. Don’t ya, baby boy.”

And he leans in at that last point, so Steve is totally justified in how he shuts down. It’s just too much, the smell of smoke as Eddie leans in, his big eyes so trusting and full of mirth, his lips close to Steve’s own, the baby boy, which is totally new and completely blind sighting him.

Luckily, it doesn’t seem like Eddie expects a reply, because he looks back to the wires and holds two together as the engine suddenly starts.

Music blasts out of the speakers at full volume and they all startle. It’s immediately chaos as the owners of the mobile home notice and start to bang on the door, while Eddie hurries out of his seat to make room for Steve.

“Shit,” Steve mutters to himself as he jumps into the seat, suddenly confronted with the fact that, despite Eddie’s trust, Steve has never driven one of these. He to hype himself up, he mutters: “It’s just a car, it’s just a car.”

He throws it in drive and screams to the back: “Everybody, hang on to something!” and with yelling from the other, Steve drives off, the mobile home swerving, before he gets it under control and they’re off on the road towards the War Zone.

It’s a quiet drive. All of them are working through their part in the plan, mentally preparing themselves to go back in there. Nancy is making a shopping list and Steve can hear Dustin and Erica whisper, but he doesn’t look back, keeping his eyes on the road.

Eventually, however, Robin can’t take the quiet anymore. She has fought Eddie to stay out of sight, stuffing him under a disgusting throw blanket, before convincing Chrissy to sleep more.

Now that the other girl is actually asleep, she makes her way to the front and plops down next to him. With Robin in the passenger side, Steve can almost make himself forget what kind of situation they’re in, can almost convince himself it’s a school day and he’s driving Robin to her early band practice.

“Does it handle well?” she asks. “Because no offense to the people we stole this thing from, but it doesn’t look very safe and while I know you’re a good driver, things can go wrong and I actually don’t look forward to being scraped off the asphalt if this thing explodes.”

“It handles just fine, Robs,” he assures her. “I can drive it just fine.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot how you probably practiced this for your whole six little nuggets dream,” Robin smirks, seemingly delighted she found a way to bring it up.

“Fuck off,” Steve laughs, his mood considerably lifted. He still remembers that night. It had been late and he’d been crying about how much life sucks sometimes when he’d blurted out: ‘And all I’ve ever wanted was a big family with like six little nuggets and the government doesn’t want me to and I don’t want to be straight forever just because a few little dumbasses gave me a concussion and baby fever.’

Right now Robin is making fun of him, like she had done the morning after when neither of them were sleep deprived anymore, but Steve still remembers how she promised him she’d carry his babies and they could be gay-straight together and the government could suck their dick.

Despite it all, he’s kind of touched by the fact that she would do that for him. But currently the reminder of that conversation isn’t really necessary. He’s just starting to be okay with being gay again, he doesn’t need this.

“Oh come on, dingus,” she grins. “It was hilarious.”

“It was humiliating,” Steve shoots back. “Now shut up or I’ll stop the car and you can walk to the War Zone.”

“Dad-voice,” Robin singsongs in turn and he kind of wants to strangle her.

“I said shut up,” Steve wails, a little miserable, but also comforted and feeling less like the end of the world is hanging over his head. He doesn’t know how Robin always manages to make him feel better, but she does and he loves her for it.

At the War Zone Nancy assigns people stuff to get, so they can get through their shopping trip effectively. Eddie, Dustin and Lucas are forced to stay behind in the car and Steve adds: “Erica, you too. We don’t know if they know you’re associated with Hellfire. Lets not risk it.”

“Fine by me,” Erica says, crossing her arms. “As long as you get me a cool weapon. I’m not defending myself with something lame.”

“I’ll try,” Steve tells her, fighting a fond eyeroll, because he knows it won’t be appreciated. He just loves how Erica will always unapologetically be herself, he hopes that will never fade.

In the store, Steve goes to grab a change of clothes for himself. As much as he loved being able to wear Eddie’s clothes, it will only be suspicious now and he doesn’t fancy going back down there without protection. He did that once, not keen on repeating it.

“How many of these do you think we need?” Robin asks him as he comes rounding the corner in his new clothes, holding up a few canisters of gasoline.

“Like five or six,” Steve says, talking out of his ass since he has no clue either.

He grabs a few more and helps put them in the cart to help Robin speed the process up. However, she pauses after the first load, looking up at something. This is unusual behavior for Robin, so Steve pauses too to see what she’s looking at.

Chrissy.

She has an ax in her hands, testing how it feels in her hands as she swings. Steve can admit she looks pretty cool while doing so, but going off Robin’s face, she thinks the action is more than cool, probably veering into the hot category.

Knowing what he knows, he leans against the shelves next to him and comments: “What are you gonna do, Robs? Stand here and gawk at her?”

“Shut up, Steve,” Robin shoots back. “You know I’m not going to do shit. She’s not into me and she already has enough on her plate. She might die today, remember? I don’t think she wants to deal with my feelings making her uncomfortable.”

Before Steve can reply, Chrissy seems to have noticed them staring and looks back at them. She grins widely and seemingly shows of the ax.

“Fuck, she’s cute,” Robin mutters under her breath.

Steve snorts and turns back to the canisters as he says: “Seems like Chrissy might appreciate the help in picking out a good weapon for you.”

Robin’s head practically whips around and she demands: “Do you know something I don’t, Harrington? What the fuck! Don’t do this to me. You know you can’t do this to me.”

“I’m not doing anything to you,” he promises. “It just seems to me that Chrissy might want to have something to stay alive for.”

If Steve would later have to describe how Robin is looking right now, he’d say that she looks like one of those wooden dolls with the mouth that can move, but no puppeteer behind her. Her face is slack, mouth agape.

Then she closes her mouth with a loud click and swallows heavily, before timidly saying: “That something is me?”

“It can be,” Steve says. “I wouldn’t fuck with you like that, people like us have to stick together.”

“We do,” Robin nods, then she says to herself: “I can do this.”

“Go get her, tiger,” Steve encourages her, giving her a slap on the back and letting her walk away. He only keeps watching the two long enough to know that it’s not ending in disaster, before going to gather the rest of their molotov cocktail supplies, as well as clothes for Eddie.

In his haste to escape the jocks that ransacked Steve’s house (something he’s trying not to think about) he rushed into his Hellfire clothes so that they wouldn’t find any trace of him there. It’s sweet that he thought of that, but he must be feeling disgusting, especially after going through the Upside Down. Hell, Steve feels much better in clean clothes.

So, Steve picks out better clothes for him. Is maybe very careful in his selection, wanting Eddie to feel good. Making sure it’s in his style. Maybe he overthinks it for quite a bit.

In the end, he has a good pair of pants that Eddie should love, black, sturdy, unnecessary amount of pockets and a strappy thing, as well as a nice black short sleeve T-shirt that may or may not match Steve’s own.

For Nancy and Robin he grabs vests with ample amount of pockets that they can stuff with stuff for protection. He also spots a funky barret that he knows Robin will love, even outside of the nonsense of this week and takes that too.

Right as he has made his purchase and is about to see if Chrissy and Robin are okay, Nancy comes rushing up to him and starts to hustle him out of the store. Confused he lets out a: “Hey!” afraid she might want to get him alone for a reason he does not want.

However, all those concerns fade and his blood turns to ice as she says: “Basketball team is here. They’re looking for war. We need to leave. Now!”

“The others?” he asks, fear gripping him as he imagines what the basketball team would be willing to do to them.

“Already got to them, now go,” she assures him as they rush out of the store.

Indeed, Max, Chrissy and Robin are all already making their way to the mobile home that they had parked out of sight when he and Nancy leave the store. Steve notices how close and flushed Chrissy and Robin are as he jogs past them and he sends the two of them a grin and a wink, before making his way into the vehicle.

“What happened?” Lucas asks, anxiously.

“We got to go,” Steve replies, hoping he comes across as blasé as he tosses his carefully selected outfit to Eddie, before he dumps the rest and gets behind the wheel.

“Your old friends are here,” he hears Robin tell Lucas, who curses.

That sends all of them into a panicked tizzy and Steve feels the urge to shout at them as they rush him. This shit is already hard enough without people yelling at him to hurry the fuck up. He knows they have to go, okay.

He tears out of the War Zone’s parking lot and onto the main road, just going into a random direction until Eddie nearly scares the shit out of him by coming up behind him and talking into his ear, breath hot against his neck. “Turn right up here.”

Without having the time to process this, Steve takes the turn. Then he asks: “Where are we even going?”

“A clearing I go sometimes to think,” Eddie says, still behind him, which makes Steve more nervous than he wants to be.

“And why do you have to give me directions while you’re hovering behind me like some dark demon or one of your other little villain guys?” Steve asks, voice a little squeaky, but managing to make it sound annoyed rather than a little turned on and flustered.

Eddie lets out a deep chuckle that does not really help Steve’s libido, before he delightedly crows: “Oh, Stevie, you sure know how to make a guy swoon. You remembered my little guys!”

“Hard to forget when your talked about them non stop for months,” Steve mutters. “Plus, the kids also don’t shut up about your little guys.”

“I’m still choosing to take it as a compliment,” Eddie informs him and Steve doesn’t tell him that it was. Then Eddie moves on: “But I am trying not to be seen through this giant front window, so lurking in the shadows it is. Left at the intersection there.”

That is sadly enough a very valid explanation, so Steve is stuck with Eddie’s low voice in his ear for the entire drive. Usually Robin would come save him from himself and his gayness, however, she seems to be wrapped up in Chrissy and Steve will be damned before he takes this moment from her after everything.

It’s almost a relief when they get to the clearing without being spotted and can get to preparing for the upcoming battle.

Dustin excitedly volunteers himself to go help Eddie with preparing the shields, which means Steve isn’t shunning Eddie when he volunteers to make molotov cocktails with Robin and Chrissy. He wants to know where they’re at now and mope a little about his own abysmal love life. Eddie looks great in the clothes he picked out for him and the thought drives him nuts. Why did he does this to himself?

His eagerness to work together with the two girls earns him a weird look from Nancy that Steve could interpret as suspicion or jealousy, but he isn’t willing to make the effort.

They all disperse to do their task. Steve, Chrissy and Robin start out working diligently on making molotov cocktails.

While they work Chrissy and Robin keep close to each other, orbiting around one another in a way that makes it seem like an invisible force pulls them close. Steve doesn’t say a word, he isn’t just going to ask when they might not want to say, but if he happens to meet their eyes, he smiles at them.

After they found their rhythm and are sitting around, Chrissy suddenly speaks up. She asks: “Did you say anything in particular?”

“Hm?” Steve hums, looking up. Then the question registers and he answers: “Nothing explicit. I wouldn’t do that, just- just encouraged.”

“He was very helpful,” Robin adds. “Pep talk never hurts.”

“So you two figured your shit out?” he asks when Chrissy has smiled at him to indicate they’re all good. He never wants to make her feel like he betrayed her trust.

Steve watches as the two of them blush and glance at each other, before looking away. Robin is the one that meets Steve’s eyes and says: “Now is a pretty bad time for a date, but after- when we’re done. We’re going to on a picnic together. See where it leads.”

Chrissy nods: “It’s nice to have something to look forward to.”

And while Steve is happy for them, the words make something uncomfortable curl up in his chest, but he doesn’t show that. Instead he focuses on how happy he is for the two of them, letting a big smile come onto his face as he says: “That’s great! You two deserve it.”

“Thank you,” Chrissy smiles brightly and it’s not until now that Steve realizes just how much he loves Chrissy’s smile. How heartbroken he would be if anything were to happen to her. She’s his oldest friend and even though he and Robin have conjoined and bonded for life, he also can’t imagine his future without her in it.

“You okay, dingus?” Robin asks, noticing how his mood shifts.

“Yeah,” he smiles tightly, knowing he isn’t hiding his somber mood that well. So, he just comes clean and says: “Just not looking forward to what is coming.”

“None of us are,” Chrissy says, bumping her shoulder into his. A gesture that has become so comforting to him that he nearly chokes on the nostalgia, sadness and warmth all clogging his throat and warring in his chest.

“You can still change your mind, you know,” he tells her suddenly. “None of us would blame you if you didn’t want to do this.”

“Steve,” she sighs and Steve knows she isn’t going to change her mind. “You know I can’t do that.”

“I know,” Steve sighs. He doesn’t want to loose Max either. It’s a loose-loose and Steve feels like he’s going to loose his mind first, before anything bad even happens.

In the quiet pause that follow, Steve can hear his own hands play We’ll Meet Again over the headphones around Chrissy’s neck. Robin’s voice adds to the haunting atmosphere. All he can think of, is how she floated in that house and how she’s going back there to do it again.

“I’ll be careful,” she promises.

“You better,” Robin tells her. “I have a date to go on and while in the face of the world ending, the stakes of my love life feel spectacularly low, I do really wanna go.”

“I’ll be there,” Chrissy says.

Steve feels a burst of affection going through his own chest at the sight. He’s glad the two have found each other. After all Robin’s hopeless crushes, she deserves to have someone that actually likes her and he knows Chrissy deserves someone as caring as Robin. The two just fit together, even if they might seem like an unlikely duo.

His own eyes drift over to Eddie without his say so, but once he’s looking, it is hard to look away. It seems like Eddie and Dustin are fucking around and Steve just feels so much love for this man, who is already so good with the kids he adores. The thought that it had been Eddie next to him in his six little nugget dream pops up and he suppresses it.

Like Robin said, with the stakes of the world hanging over them, the chance he might have with Eddie seems way less important. He could loose Chrissy, he could loose one of his kids. Hell, it might go terribly wrong down there and he could loose any one of them. It doesn’t matter if Eddie will never know, as long as they all make it out alive and the world doesn’t explode.

“I’m gonna go check in with Max and Lucas,” Chrissy says as she gets up, getting Steve’s attention on her again. “You two also don’t get to die on me, okay. I’m not doing it. I’ll bring you back to kill you, don’t test me.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” Robin says, doing a little salute and Steve can tell she wants to fling herself of something high with how much she cringes at herself the second she does.

So, to save her, he quickly gets the attention on himself, by smiling and saying: “Of course, we’re not just abandoning you like that,” though mentally he mostly promises himself that he is going to make sure Robin will make it to their date.

“I’m holding you to that,” Chrissy says, then bounces off.

Both Steve and Robin watch her go in silence. Then Robin says: “I kissed her.”

“What!” Steve exclaims. “Tell me!”

“Her lips were very soft,” Robin tells him dreamily. “She called me handsome and told me that I made her feel hopeful.”

“That’s great, Rob,” Steve says, feeling as if his face might fall off with how broadly he is smiling. “You two deserve each other. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Robin says. “Also thank you for giving me that push. I- I’m like over the moon about this, but-” she cuts herself off and shakes her head.

“What is it?” Steve asks, suddenly concerned. Did he read them wrong? Did it go badly?

“I’m just really scared a kiss is all I’m ever going to get,” Robin confesses softly.

Steve’s heart fucking breaks for this girl. She has been through so much and by that he doesn’t just mean customer service and Russian torture, but also years of feeling like she’s alone, different, wrong. Like she’s never going to be happy or loved. And Steve knows the feeling.

He knows it intimately, which is why he also knows that she deserves so much better than what the world is granting her. She deserves a future wherein she and Chrissy can be happy and in love without fear, where she can marry her if she wants to and tell people about how beautiful her wife or girlfriend or whatever the two of them are to each then, is.

God, Steve feels like he’s about to cry, because he desperately wants that for her, but he also desperately want that for himself.

It feels so fucking selfish to think about himself right now, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t have the guts to do what Robin did, doesn’t want to fuck it all up, doesn’t want to risk getting a no, before he has to go back there, too scared to hear that rejection.

It’s a little fucked up how not having that no is what gives him hope. A tantalizing possibility of a maybe, rather than a crushed dream.

However, he wishes it wasn’t this scary, that he didn’t loose out on months of hanging with Eddie just because he was so scared of the fact that he’s gay. That he never got to tease Dustin to his face with Eddie, never got to force Eddie to go to one of Lucas’ games, never got to tease Mike about how he’s trying to be Eddie or tell Eddie how much all the kids look up to him. Never got to sit in on one of the games, never got to see Eddie as DM or performing with Corroded Coffin.

He just never got to do any of that and now he probably never will, because the town hates Eddie’s guts and they all might die today or loose someone.

But as he often does with big things like this, he tries to put a lid on it and instead he just goes: “You really think that?”

“I don’t know,” Robin sighs, watching Chrissy some more. “I have this terrible, gnawing feeling that it might not work out for us this time.”

“You think we shouldn’t be doing this?” Steve asks, surprised, because as much as Robin must hate it, she hasn’t protested beyond the start at the fact that Chrissy is going to put herself at risk to be the bait.

“I think we’re mad fools, the lot of us,” Robin tells him, which feels more true to her. “I think Chrissy should be at home and safe and I think she should never have had to come close to any of this. Neither should me or you or any of us. But that’s not what happened, is it? And if we don’t stop him, who will? We have to try, right?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, because there isn’t much more to say. Robin has covered it all, from the uncertainty to having no real choice. It’s just their ragtag crew standing between the end of the world and there is nothing they can do to change it. So they’re just going to have to try. He raises the bottle of the molotov cocktail he’s making and sadly smiles: “To killing Vecna.”

“Slash Henry,” Robin says, holding up her own.

“Slash One,” Steve finishes, because of course he will, before they click their bottles.

They’re both silent after that, looking out as the others play around in the field. Their childish attempts of wielding the weapons feeling more like make belief than actually fighting. Out of all of them, only Nancy and Steve have really fought any of the monsters. And neither of them ever really won those fights. They don’t stand a chance against their boss.

God, they’re all kids and none of them stand a chance. Chrissy is going to give herself over on hope and a prayer, not truly knowing what sort of danger she’s putting herself in, while Eddie is going to face a hoard of bats by himself, because he trusts all of them to put an end to it, before he can truly be in danger.

The two of them might get themselves killed because they trust in Nancy’s plan, in Steve’s fighting, hell, even in Dustin’s technology and all their experience with this nonsense that Robin told them about.

Because at the end of the day, Robin still trusts Steve to know what he’s doing, to keep her safe like he did in that bunker and pull her out of her head like he does whenever she has a nightmare. To make her feel loved and cared for, like he did on that bathroom floor.

Steve feels the weight that Hopper’s absence left heavy on his shoulders. They all look up to him to make sure they live to see tomorrow and though he’s going to have to try, he can’t give any guarantees, just like Dustin said.

He can’t promise any of them jack shit. He can’t promise Eddie a graduation, he can’t promise Dustin the safety of his friends, he can’t promise Chrissy and Robin their first date.

Fuck!

Steve just feels helpless about all of it. He doesn’t want to go into the fight like this. He will never be able to live with himself if he couldn't at least do something for his two best friends, who have found each other despite it all and might not have anything past it.

“You’re not just going to have that one kiss,” he tells Robin forcefully and out of nowhere, making her startle.

“What?” Robin frowns. “What the hell are you talking about, dingus? Got a magic trick I don’t know about? Powers like Eleven? That would be really useful, you know. A bit late to mention it, but you know what they say, better late than-”

“Shut up for one second, Robin,” Steve cuts her off with an eyeroll. “I don’t have powers, but we’re also not fighting yet. Get in there,” he nods to the mobile home behind them, “and I’ll guard the door for you two.”

Robin’s eyes grow wide and she hisses: “Are you suggesting me and Chrissy fuck in there just in case the world end?”

“What! No!” Steve exclaims. “I’m suggesting you at least kiss her more and get three seconds of fucking privacy together just in case the world ends. You have a dirty mind.”

“Don’t blame me,” Robin pouts, her cheeks on fire. “It just seemed like a thing a dingus would suggest.”

“I can retract my offer, Buckley,” Steve informs her.

“No, wait, don’t!” Robin quickly backtracks. “I didn’t mean it like that, please still do that.”

Steve rolls his eyes: “I wasn’t serious about retracting it, you idiot. Now get in and I’ll get Chrissy,” he says, watching Robin scramble to go, before he turns to where Chrissy is and calls out: “Oi, Chris, come here for a sec.”

Chrissy cocks her head to the side, but quickly comes over. Concerned she asks: “What? Where’s Robin? Is something wrong?”

“Nah,” Steve assures her, before turning mischievous. “Remember when you helped me break in so I could have my stuff after my parents kicked me out?”

“Yeah?” Chrissy replies, obviously cautious about where this is going.

“It was a little bad to do that, but it felt right, remember that?” Steve continues.

“Yeah,” Chrissy says, still unsure but intrigued.

“Call this me repaying that favor,” Steve smirks, cocking his head to the mobile home that’s behind him. “Get in there. Have more than one kiss in an army surplus store. Just in case.”

Chrissy flushes, but smiles brightly and Steve makes sure to imprint every laugh line and blinding tooth into his memory as she does. She quickly kisses his cheek and whispers a soft thank you, before going in, while Steve takes a seat on the step of the door and nonchalantly continues making molotov cocktails.

It might not be much, but it is something he can do and that is more than he can say for these past few days. It feels damn good too.

He mulls over what he said to Chrissy and Robin. That they should take this moment just in case there won’t be any more. It’s a little morbid, he knows, but that’s just what comes with the territory of the Upside Down. If he had known how Starcourt would end, he would have taken a moment to hug Hopper before getting in the car. To tell him how much he meant to Steve.

Without his permission, his eyes drift over to Eddie. Handsome, lovely Eddie, who is good with his kids, whose smile is blinding, who is so kind and strong, who makes Steve feel special, even if he knows it’s not meant as that, who always has hair in front of his face, who is going to put himself in danger, who might not make it out alive…

If Steve were smart, he would take his own advice right now. Take that plunge and try and get as many seconds in with Eddie just in case.

He has paid attention to the other throughout all this, he knows that Eddie feels like he’s been running away from it all, that he hasn’t been brave, even though he has been so so so brave. But Steve knows how those feelings can eat at you, make you do something impulsively heroic. He’s been there and he doesn’t want that for Eddie.

Steve is the hero. He is the one that runs into danger and does something reckless to save the day and get everyone out. He can do that, because if he is the one doing that, then he can’t loose anyone else, just himself. If Eddie does that- Well, Steve doesn’t want to think about it.

Now, if Steve were smart, he’d tell Eddie that he means so much to Steve, too much for him to do anything stupid. That he should keep to the plan and keep himself safe, so that Steve can come back to him.

However, Steve isn’t half as brave as Eddie or Dustin or Robin seem to think. He’s scared and he is only good at putting his body on the line, his own emotions having been blocked off by years of successful suppression and fear.

He might not have always known he was gay, but he had noticed something might be off about him and had done everything to make sure he fit in right with others.

It’s a mindset he has only just let go off, just like he’s only just managed to pull Eddie back to him after pushing him away. He’s always been too much and he already lucked out by finding both Chrissy and Robin, who are willing to put up with him. The chance of Eddie not being turned off by him is too big to risk it.

Contrary to what it might look like, Steve doesn’t want to die. He wants to have a future, see what might come of it all. He wants to know what it is like to live as freely as he can and feel comfortable in his own skin.

He just wants his friends to be okay more, because if something happens to them on his watch, he knows it will break him. He also knows that if Eddie gives him a no, he might do something reckless and Robin would kill him if he did that.

So, he just looks from the sidelines and dreams. Maybe if they make it out, he tells himself. Maybe if the dust has settled and he and Eddie refind their friendship. Maybe.

Maybe…

But he can’t worry about that now. That’ll only serve as a distraction and they can’t afford those when there is so much at stake. This whole operation has to go smoothly, one hiccup and the whole thing might come crashing back down and there is too much on the line for that to happen.

Steve isn’t going to let himself be distracted. He’s keeping guard for Chrissy and Robin, giving them happy memories to cling to. That’s something he can do.

Around them, the sun starts to set and Steve knows they’re going to get going soon. So, he knocks on the door as he scans the others. No one has noticed their absence and Steve smiles, a little proud of what he managed for his two friends despite the circumstances.

He hears the door behind him unlock and Robin opens the door. He looks up, tilting his head back so he can see her and smirks at her flushed face.

She squats down next to him to be at the same height as him and looks around before whispering: “I touched her breast, dingus. Me!”

Steve snorts and tells her: “I’m happy for you. Something to cross of your bucket list; touched some boobies.”

“Gross, man, how many times have I told you not to say boobies,” Robin complains.

“What’s wrong with boobies?” Steve starts up a familiar argument. “It’s a normal name to call them, I don’t know what your problem is.”

“It’s just weird. It’s like- It’s like,” she thinks for a moment. “It’s like saying penis.”

“Iew, don’t say that,” Steve recoils.

Robin lights up in delight at having found something to bother Steve with. She repeats: “Penis, penis, penis. Why the face, Stevie? It’s a normal name to call it. Penis.”

Steve makes gagging noises while she talks. However, before he can reply the two are interrupted by Erica, who just looks at them both, before asking: “Why are you two always having to do something weird while I can hear you?”

The two of them look at each other, before bursting into laughter. The joyous sound out of tune in the midst of everyone gathering their weapons in order to gear up, but Steve doesn’t care. He needed that laugh, that little fun moment, before they have to be serious again.

But, the moment is gone now. Game faces are on again. They have had their little bit of fun and made their preparations. Now it’s time to go and actually fight this thing.

Nancy calls everyone over to the mobile home and Steve loads up the molotov cocktails before he does a headcount to check if everyone is there. Dustin rolls his eyes at him and says: “We’re not going to be missing in that short time, Steve. We know we have to go now.”

“Shut up, Henderson,” Steve snaps back, pretending to be annoyed. What he doesn’t tell Dustin is that he is using this headcount to imprint all their faces into his mind one last time. Just in case.

Then he gets behind the wheel and drives off to the Creel house, as he does, he can’t help but feel like Robin is right, like it might not work out, like something will go wrong.

A/N:

Six little nuggets? To Nancy? Sorry, no, I don’t remember that conversation. Never heard of her. That actually sounds more like something he’d share with his soulmate

Also can y’all tell how much I fucking love stobin omg, they’re besties, ur honor <3 they make me so fucking emotional and I will never get over any of their scenes together, if either of them dies next season I’m going to personally attack the Duffers, mark my words (this is a joke for legal reasons)

Also, also!!!! Chrissy and Robin!!!!! They did it!!!! I contemplated writing the confession scene, alas this is a Steve POV and Steve is a homie who gave them privacy, rip </3

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rileyrecord315 · 1 year

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What is your opinion on our Lord and Savior Amami Haruka

I think the best way we could ever make religion Better would be by replacing God with Amami Haruka

Pros to replacing God with Amami Haruka: -Less homophobes using religion as an excuse for homophobia (Haruka just wants everyone to get along, no homophobia here) -Hymns are kinda cool but have been around for like. millennia it's time to shake things up. We need to start playing Otome yo Taishi wo Idake!! in church -Could probably finance a second imas movie (where AkabaneP finally returns from America and brings SideMobaP back with him) -Could probably finance a new game (whether that means a new mobile game or console game is up to your personal interpretation!) -Would probably convince Columbia to put more OGmas music on Spotify, this would somehow end up leading to full CG music on Spotify as well mark my words on this -People literally won't be able to deny the fact that God is a woman. Miss Amami Haruka is right there -No more popes. Just idols. As God probably originally intended (God being Amami Haruka) -Vatican City? No, you're now looking at 3585 City. A whole ass sorta weird mini-country dedicated to literally all of the idols from imas. Tourism up by like 765% guaranteed from the first day -Could probably finance Sakag*mi's severance package <3 -Idk I know she's not in ARCANA but just imagine Fermata in Rhapsodia being played in a church like. during a sermon or something. actual bliss

Anyways follow for more bangers <3

#imas #ogmas

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snootchie-bootchie-nootchies · 26 days

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I'm seventeen, not twenty-four. Let's get that out of the way.

I came to look at your account for new content, and I was blocked. No reporting, no asking if I was okay, just blocked. So after going to my burner account and seeing the post you made of course I was pissed.

Apparently you said I'm "crying in your dm's about you blocking my ED account"

If you read the FIRST message I sent you on my SECOND account (after you blocked me- and which I'm pretty sure you ignored) it said "This is an old account that I haven't used in years. If knew how to delete the posts I would."

You didn't send me a link on how to delete all the triggering posts. You know what you did? You blocked me. Again.

Once I figured out how to delete all the posts (which I took an hour doing) and I told you I cleaned my account out, and refreshed it, you blocked me again!

To move onto other topics of your fuck ass response, "I love Randal Graves, why would I want to act like him"

Honey, you like him. Need I say more? "Porch monkey, Helen Keller/Anne Franke debacle, Beastiality, Homophobia, a 30 year old who fucks 17 year olds"

You obviously like him for a reason.

But last but not least you told me "I hope you can get out of that nasty community"

IVE BEEN OUT OF IT FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS YOU DUMBASS BITCH I SAID THAT IN MULTIPLE ASKS

ONCE AGAIN ILL SAY AS JAY ONCE SAID BEFORE, 'man- you're a lost fucking cause'

You must've not passed second grade if you've missed out on THIS many context clues.

(Also post this on your account!!! out me all you want honey <3)

If I get blocked again it'll just prove I'm right.

Christ almighty

I told you those two asks were the only asks I got in my inbox. I did not get any prior asks. I apologize for that, but like I said, it's not my fault, it's tumblr's. I only blocked the original account, and then your previous burner after I posted those asks. Which, was pretty petty of me, I will admit. They just really took me by surprise, because to me, they were incredibly hostile and coming out of seemingly nowhere. So I responded in kind. It was shitty.

With added context that I HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY HAD, let me reiterate- I DID NOT GET THOSE ASKS. If I had, I definitely wouldn't have been such a massive dickhead. Anyways with this context, I will apologize. If I had that I probably would have unblocked you and like, chatted with you or some shit. But you truly cannot blame me for something that was not my fault whatsoever. I'm not gonna lie to you about this shit I fucking hate liars, i didn't get those asks.

In regards to you just "being blocked" - I have no obligation to ask if you're okay. You're a stranger clearly going through your own shit, I'd rather not try to like... 'help' and probably make it worse or have you get angry or something. And reporting accounts on Tumblr is annoying as balls I've tried before and it almost always amounts to nothing. Ultimately I have the right to monitor who is following me.

I'm glad you're out of there. That's great. I'm happy for you. I didn't know this! Because I didn't get those asks!

About the context clues, there were none for me to read. Also I'm autistic, not to blame it on that necessarily, but I do have a hard time reading that shit genuinely.

I don't know why you're lingering on this Randal shit. I can be a good person and like shitry characters and villains. He's fucked up and funny 🤷‍♂️ also you're mentioning everything from clerks 2 and I don't really like him in that movie, he feels like a caricature, I'm kore of a clerks 1 kind of guy tbh

Sorry this is getting really long, I'm trying to address as much as possible. Idk.

I am not opposed to unblocking you if your account is clean and shit, man. (EDIT: sorry i just realized your previous ask did say that lol. my bad, my memory is shitty as hell. i couldn't even look at the time bc i was on mobile and idfk how to use that shit, and i was busy spending time with my family because i have a pretty damn busy life outside tumblr)

I have college shit to do right now but I will look into it soon. I know this post is still kind of pissy but I am not going to block you again if you can find it in yourself to be a 🤏 teesny bit more respectful (not even nice, just respectful) when sending me asks, cause I'm totally willing to talk this out with you.

Also sorry for implying you were 14 or 24. I never know with people on here. Anyways!

Yeah. Uhhh if you want to messafw me instead of airing this stuff out publicly feel free. I think I allowed that on this account? Lmk if I didn't. Thanks in advance, I have to do stupid academic shit now

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nat-20s · 3 years

Text

MEDIA THAT I RECOMMEND YOU CONSUME INSTEAD OF SUPERNATURAL FOR BOTH HEART AND HEALTH BROKEN DOWN BY TYPE OF MEDIA AND WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF AT ANY POINT YOU, LIKE MY POOR POOR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF, WERE INVESTED IN THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE FIRE OF A SHOW

with apologies to anyone on mobile who’s readmore function APPARENTLY doesn’t work

(I haven’t watched supernatural for at least five years and, given any sort of luck, I will never do so again, do not @ me)

hello babes. I am talking to you know bc I keep seeing supernatural, unironically, on my dash, and I think we can all do better. I see what’s happening and I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU3i_o5Xd4g

Supernatural is fudge stripes. You are Megan. We can fix this.

So a list of alternate things that I think are overall better written/characterized/just generally more enjoyable that might scratch some of those itches:

TV SHOWS

Good Omens

okay look if u were on tumblr last year u probably already watched this show but like. If u haven’t, it’s only six episodes babe and there’s a large enough fandom that u can go down a fanart hole for days on end

Basic summary: the antichrist has reached that lovely young age where he’s supposed to bring about the apocalypse. An angel and a demon who have decided that actually they like the world as is, thank you very much, try to stop the end times. They’re not very good at it though, which makes for a comedy of errors.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: theologic (mostly christian) exploration/parody/imagery without inherently being a religious show. Fighting off the apocalypse narrative, which I think pretty much always goes hard as hell, but that’s just me. There’s a gay angel who’s socially awkward. There’s a fun very British demon. Touches on the hierarchies of heaven and hell, with framing Heaven as a bureaucracy and blurs the differences between angels and demons. Pining. Tenderness. A deep nostalgia for 80s music, though in this case it’s specifically queen, and who doesn’t love queen. Main character has a weirdly strong bond with his black vintage car. Satan is (sort of) fought.

Gravity Falls

sometimes...things that are kids shows...with a set story and a predetermined ending...are better

(also this isn’t relevant to any of what I’m talking about but I really appreciate that Gravity Falls specifically went against the thing that most begged me about ATLA aka that a 15 year old girl would be like yeah I’m into a 12 year old boy because the 12 year old boy has a crush on me and I apparently don’t get to really have a say in this. How does that make sense.)

Basic Summary: Twelve year old twins Dipper and Mabel go to stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in a small Oregon town called Gravity Falls. Turns out this town is filled with all sorts of strange phenomena that they often have to confront, work around, learn about, or befriend!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: The core focus of the show is a close sibling duo, but like It’s obvious that the siblings actually like and love each other and while they have their spats it’s still incredibly clear that they deeply care about each other even with their differences LIKE SORRY SUPERNATURAL YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THAT SIBLINGS CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME FIGHTING AND LYING TO EACH OTHER AND GENERALLY ACTING LIKE THEY CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER’S COMPANY BUT THEN OOOHHH YOU CRY ON TOP OF THE HOOD OF A CAR EVERY THREE EPISODE AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE SOULMATES OR WHATEVER

Anyway. Yeah. GF has a solid sibling dynamic. Monster of the week that builds up to greater over-arching plot. A little bit of body horror, you know, for humor. Fair amount of meta humor playing with the tropes of the genre. A Good Ol Big Bad that tries to pit the siblings against each other. Have to fight the apocalypse (you’ll see this point on like a good half of these recs, I really like ‘what are we gonna do about Armageddon’ media). Interesting creature design. Planned, satisfying ending (which supernatural absolutely does not have, but I still think if it had ended with the season 5 finale like it uhh pretty obviously was supposed to, that would sort of counted. Don’t revive shows that have clearly already told their stories kids.) Tie in media that gives you some fun extra stories when you miss the characters. (yes I read some of the supernatural novels when I was a c h i l d, yes I’m pretty sure there’s one or two of them still buried somewhere on my laptop, no I don’t wanna talk about it.) Older father figure (?) who owns a tbh kind of shitty shop. Both already in place and found family.

It’s a good show, and it’s two seasons. John Mulaney Voice: I dunno it’s 40 episodes

MINI REC ALERT! (mini recs are basically things that I’m not gonna go into detail about for whatever reason [probably either due to i’m not familiar enough with it OR I just don’t like. Have a bunch to say about it in regards to how it will scratch the itches presented to u by spn] but still seem like a Good Watch)

Mini Rec: Over The Garden Wall. Spooky Kids Media! Episodic! Miniseries so you can watch it in like 2 hours! Cool ass Animation! About two brothers encountering said spooky stuff! Big Bad tries to pit brothers against each other! Might haunt you for the rest of your life! Check it out!

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I think about this show every goddamn day of my life. (Also not relevant but Greg Sestero makes a brief cameo in it and I was like hi greg my friend greg!)

Basic Summary: An girl named Dani, while staying in London, decides to take on an Au Pair job for two young children, an older brother named Miles (age 10) and the younger sister Flora (age 8) at the spoooooky and mysteeerious Bly Manor, and she gets far more than she bargained for.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Okay so supernatural doesn’t actually do this but I know I KNOW why we let ourselves be queerbaited in 2012. Four words for you: CENTRAL! GAY! TRAGIC! ROMANCE! You want some pining? Some tenderness? Some LOVE? Some dealing with internalized homophobia but no, like, actual violent onscreen homophobia? HAVE I GOT THE SHOW FOR YOU. If ur favorite episodes where the ones that make you sob (for me it was kevin’s death on god), I recommend this show. If you wished that supernatural literally ever had consequences or perma deaths or didn’t retcon major plot events like every five goddamn episodes so that there could be some exploration of like grief and trauma through the lens of/ higher stakes of horror, I recommend this show. If you really do stay up at night picturing a supernatural that wasn’t made by dumbass cishettie white men hack writers but was actually allowed to have Dean and Cas be in love over the course of the show so they could have like actual development and not the most homophobic gay reveal of all time, I recommend this show. Hell, if you just want a banger ghost story in general, I recommend this show.

As for what they actually have in common: horror setting/aesthetic without actually being all that scary most of the time. A strong sibling duo, though they’re not nearly as much of the focus of Bly Manor. Found family. Strong themes of grief. Questions of what turns someone into a monster (and done much better) An actual, much better noble sacrifice done out of love. Escalation of stakes until there’s a big final confrontation. Semi-big bad trying to tear this family apart. Found and pre-installed family. Sad orphans.

Watch this show. Vibe with me. Cry with me. Yell at me about Owen Sharma

MINI REC ALERT!

Haunting of Hill House- spiritual predecessor to Haunting of Bly Manor, though they’re not actually the same universe/story. However, it’s made by the same dude and has a shared aesthetic/sensibilities/some of the cast. This is only a mini rec bc I haven’t actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things and that it, while much more heavily leaning into family dynamics, has similar themes of exploring Grief and Trauma through ghooossstttsss.

Community

Okay I know that this may seem like a Wild rec considering community is a school sitcom with basically Zero paranormal elements but just like. Hear me out. And no this isn’t just because I think it’s a realy good show and I want more people to watch it, though that is a factor. If I was just recommending comedies that I think are good and more people should watch regardless of them serving as a replacement for supernatural I would demand you all go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I’m gonna demand it anyway. Everyone go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Now back to your original program:

Basic Summary: A group of students at Greendale Community College form a Spanish study group, and things quickly go Off The Fucking Rails in the best way possible.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: All right I’m gonna be real honest this rec is for all of my (correct) bitches who’s favorite episodes of Supernatural were French Mistake, Changing Channels, and/or Mystery Spot. You think if Supernatural would’ve been fucking fantastic if it had been a committed comedy instead of a CW melodrama that occasionally landed some admittedly really fucking funny episodes/concepts, Community (and the movies on this list) will gently take you into its loving arms and give you everything you desire. It’s about the Meta comedy. It’s about the discussion, exploration, and subversion of common tropes within the format. It’s about the grand use of group/ found family dynamics in order to max both the goofs and the heart. It’s about fantastic callbacks. It’s about having one of the few “asshole with a heart of gold” leads I can actually stand because. You know. Growth. It’s about the INCREDIBLE genre and pop culture parody. Which genre do they parody, you ask. All of them. They parody all the genres. The glee parody episode is a fucking masterpiece of television. If you don’t want to watch a show that features a Halloween party where everyone turns into zombies and the ABBA discography blasts in the background, you can stop reading right now, because I can guarantee you won’t be interested in a damn thing I have to say.

MINI REC ALERT: The X-Files. I’ve also never seen this but a: everything I’ve seen out of context has been fantastically weird and delightful b: it appears that there’s a general consensus that Scully and Mulder are one of the only valid straight couples so it’s probably pretty fun and c: let’s all be honest. Supernatural was already basically an x-files rip off, it had like half of their original writers swiped from the x-files crew, I’m pretty sure if you liked especially the first couple of seasons of supernatural, you’re gonna like the X-files.

Subcategory: TV SHOWS ( A WHOLE TWO OF ‘EM, OR MORE LIKE ONE AND HALF IF YOU WANNA GET TECHNICAL) I’M SPECIFICALLY RECOMMENDING FOR THAT COCAINE HIT OF PURE UNADULTERATED UNCUT 2012 TUMBLR NOSTALGIA

BBC Merlin

Yes, I know the show ended in 2010. Yes, it still provides that 2012 Tumblr nostalgia. 2012 Tumblr is a feeling, not an actual time period.

I love this stupid show. I plan on rewatching it all over the month of January. I harbor a deep amount of fondness for it. It’s why every time I see literally any depiction of Merlin I get just so fucking excited, and why I’ve consumed as many ridiculous Arthurian adaptations as I have (side note: my two favorite other ridiculous Arthurian legend adaptation are Avalon High, a DEEPLY silly DCOM that is required viewing to level up friendship with me, and The Kid Who Would Be King, which is the only movie that I think truly understands the comedic potential of playing a King Arthur Adaptation mostly straight but everyone in it is 12. I’m not sure it intended to be as fucking funny as it was, but again, they’re all middle schoolers. I have never been more jealous of an actor than I was of the 22 year old that got to play a 16 year old dumbass Merlin who was sometimes also Patrick Stewart and did all of his magic with ridiculous hand gestures That should’ve been me that should’ve been me that should’ve been me. Also Sword in the Stone by TH White is pretty good, because Merlin knows germ theory in the fantasy 400’s and he just uses it to be petty mostly. Also listen to High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms. Also Also I tend to prefer family friendly adaptations because they don’t have the uhhh. You know. Incest and sexual violence of the original legend. Love to Not have that shit!) Whether you watched it initially and are due for a rewatch, or you’re intrigued enough by the concept of the show to watch it for the first time, you should join me on this wild wild ride.

Basic Summary: You know who Guinevere, Arthur, and Merlin are, come on. BBC said let’s make em all YOUNG let’s make em SEXY let’s make em FAMILY FRIENDLY and let’s make magic REALLY SEEM LIKE A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR BEING GAY BUT TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL OR NOT BUT IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT WAS. @ THE BBC MERLIN CREATORS WHAT IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME INTERVI-

Basic Summary but like a bit more helpful: A BABY version of Merlin (and by baby I mean like 20 year old.) is sent from his small town to the big city the Kingdom of Camelot to find his destiny. Staying with the town physician and friend of his mom’s, Gaius, he ends up as both his assistant and personal manservant to Prince Arthur. But in a kingdom where magic is punished with death and the prince seems hell bent on getting himself into situations that are going to kill him, the young sorcerer has his more than his share of work cut out for him.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Primo supremo queerbaiting. Like, yeah, okay, it’s queerbaiting, you know it’s queerbaiting, but you watch some of the scenes and ur like okay. I know why I let this bait me. Obviously with a modern show, I would expect more, I would expect better, I would raise my standards, but I gotta admit. Some of these scenes are fuckin compelling as hell, and the subtext is like barely sub. Monster of the week shenanigans. Some awful CGI creatures but like a charming awful. Like the kind of awful that tells you their very limited budget was more focused on cool swords than realistic creatures. Episodic stories build into a more overarching plot, with things getting darker in season 4/5. Shitty father that end up eating shit and while the son of said father is rightfully conflicted and upset over the death it’s cathartic and victorious as all hell for the audience. Multiple hot evil women, and I love hot evil women. There’s also nice hot women, which is a bonus. These women don’t all immediately stupidly die, so that’s a nice change. Also like a LOT of sarcastic humor and shenanigans if u like Sass Merlin is there for u personally name a more iconic line than “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” AND THAT’S IN THE FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE brilliant amazing fantastic show stopping. Also you know those like dumb hijink episodes where like Dean was possessed by the spirit of a dog or some shit? You bet your bottom fuckin dollar BBC Merlin has those kinds of storylines. Also I know some people go to spn bc it had that HUGE fanbase and like BBC Merlin’s fanbase is still SURPRISINGLY poppin even though it’s been a decade since there was new content so like. Have fun!

Doctor Who but Specifically the RTD Era

Look I’m not here to say that the first four seasons of reboot doctor who are the only good doctor who or inherently better than all the rest (though the RTD era is my favorite personally) BUT when ur seekin that sweet sweet superwholock frenzy nostalgia, this is the ‘who’ that is being referred to. Also like. Stan 9. We should all collectively stan the ninth doctor. Chris Eccleston, the Objectively Best Famous Chris, deserved better.

Basic Summary: An immortal alien that goes by “The Doctor” travels across time and space with a variety of different companions, often to try and save the day or fix a (sometimes self created) mess. It’s distilled campy sci-fi with a family friendly tone that has made me cry on several occasions.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Monster of the week that, you guessed it, builds into bigger overarching plot style narrative. Fighting off the apocalypse, but like every couple of weeks because worlds are in danger a LOT. A semi-tragic romance that made people go absolutely buck fuckin wild bc pining n shit. Wamen, but they aren’t fridged. (actually for real though none of the main women die and I just think that’s really fun and flirty even though I could go on a COMPLETELY SEPARATE rant about the injustice of one of the character’s ending YES season 4 is my favorite season and one of my favorite pieces of media ever and I am currently actively recommending it to you YES im still fucking pissed over how it ended YES we exist) Specifically, a Wonderful and Very Excellent woman named Donna who goes on a spa trip that doesn’t end up going very well. That seems like a highly specific example, and it is, but it did happen in both shows. (Also, to anyone that continued watching SPN after like idk season 9 what happened to Donna? I always liked her and I know she became a recurring character so like DM whatever probably injustice was the end of her story line pls and thank you) I’m also extra specifically recommending for Supernatural Fans and also The World At Large: Season Four of Reboot Who. I rewatched it last year and it still goes so fucking hard. Donna Noble is the best character in existence. In regards to the appeal for SPN, personally I think the best part of SPN was when people who are soulmates went on adventures and tried to save the day and it was a good mix of banter and sincerity AND GUESS WHAT’S BASICALLY THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 4 OF DOCTOR WHO. It’s so good y’all I wish Everything was about soulmates going on adventures and trying to save the day.

OKAY TV SHOWS DONE TIME FOR M O V I E S which I don’t have nearly as many recs for but uhh here goes

What We Do In The Shadows/ Shaun of the Dead

I’m lumping these two together bc my reasons for recommending them are largely the same, and I would call them tonally similar enough that if you like one you’ll probably like the other

Basic Summary (Shaun of The Dead): Uh-oh! London’s had a break out of some of that good ol’ zombieism. Shaun and friends decide to hunker down in a local bar, but they have to get there first. Will they survive? Will they fuck up some zom zoms? Who’s to say?

Basic Summary (What We Do In The Shadows): Some vampire roommates dick around. I think there’s technically, like, a plot, but it’s really just about some vampires Doin Their Thing. Vibin.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: This is kind of similar to the Community recommendation, in that supernatural had the opportunity to be one of those things that was both a parody of a genre but also just a really good example of the genre. WWDITS and SotD are both those things for vampire and zombly movies, respectively. Have the aesthetic and some of the themes of a horror but is not actually all that scary. Horror Comedy is a god tier genre and I don’t know why it’s not more widespread. Fun monsters/cast of characters in general, so at least one person in it is probably going to make you go “oh gender” ya know? With SotD you have the fantasy power trip that comes with like any piece of media that involves hunting monsters. With WWDITS I go “yep that’s how bisexuals dress” and I Will Not Clarify which character I’m talking about.

MINI REC ALERT: All of Taika Watiti’s filmography. Thor:Ragnarok is one of like 3 marvel movies that I consider genuinely fucking fantastic completely independent of the MCU and my own tendency to be like “hurr bdurr I love. Superheros”. For the one that is most tonally like Supernatural But Significantly Better and Written By Someone Competent I think I would say try out Hunt For The Wilderpeople. It’s got a reluctant curmudgeonly father figure and I KNOW some of you motherfuckers were so invested in spn when you were like 16 bc you had daddy issues. This is a callout post for my friend [REDACTED], who I should text to watch Hunt for the Wilderpeople, actually.

MINI REC ALERT X2!!!: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve never seen it but it has both Winona Ryder AND Keanu Reaves so like. Goth bi rights.

Happy Death Day (and Happy Death Day 2 U)

happy death day was one of those movies that I saw the trailer, went “eh”, heard other people say it was great, watched, and went holy fuck this slaps. Not nearly as much of a slasher film as the trailers implied if im remembering the trailer correctly

Basic Summary: Our main character Tree keeps waking up on the day she was murdered. The day resets every time that she dies. That’s right, it’s a time loop storey babey!!!!!!!!!!!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: If you were anything like me you were foolishly lulled into supernatural for way longer than you should’ve been on the promise that the characters would idk like grow and change and become better and learn lessons and some of that would be through the power of receiving love and kindness. You know. Like how good writers would do it especially if their main characters are kind of dicks that really should make some changes. Well, Happy Death Day fucking delivers on that promise in SPADES. It’s about growth! It’s about change! It’s about making the active decision to become a better person and putting effort into doing so! There’s heavy themes of like grief and trauma and acknowledging them and facing them head on in order to move on and the negative consequences of refusing to do so and just trying avoid it until it goes away. There’s a romance that makes my dumb little self do the pleading face emoji. Tree is also one of the only good asshole with a heart of gold characters. I also think media is improved by having at least one character that is a Good Good Boy (note: Good Good Boy character does not have to be a man.) and Happy Death Day has Carter. Oh on that note: Tree Voice: I’ve only had character for (the same repeating over and over) a day but if anything happens to him I’ll kill everyone here and then myself. Also the movie is funny so like hell yeah.

that’s all I got for relevant movies right now

BOOK RECS

jk i’m illiterate. Everyone should feel free to go ahead and add their own suggestions for this section The best I can do is uhhhh I think y’all would probably like Mira Grant’s novels, particularly the Newsflesh stories, bc sibling dynamics. Also the book The Haunting of Hill House is really good. Ballad of Black Tom slaps? There’s of course the Good Omens novel that the show was based on. I’m about to recommend some podcasts after this section which will include to Welcome to Nightvale because of course it will and the tie in novels for that slap, especially It Devours!, and I’m pretty sure they work as stories even if you know nothing about the podcast. Also also I think you should read “The Long Way to A Small, Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers It’s not thematically similar to supernatural at all but it’s one of my all time favorite sci fi novels and only like four people have read it which is a goddamn TRAVESTY.

Anyway yeah that’s it that’s all there is. Onto the medium that is like books but I can fold laundry or cook while consuming their narratives.

PODCAST RECS

Okay so this is getting uhhh wicked long so I’m gonna limit myself to only three full blown recs and a

mini rec

Alice Isn’t Dead

Fuck me running this show is so good. Literally hands down my all time favorite (and scariest!) horror podcast. Mamma mia, that’s a good fuckin story. The Book version is also good and has fewer Weird events but some further character development so I recommend them both.

Basic Summary: After her wife Alice disappears mysteriously, Keisha takes up a job as a long haul trucker, traveling all across America in order to find her, but ends up finding so much. Pursued by a deadly creature she calls The Thistle Man, the stakes of her journey are raised.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: okay so I have a lost of bullet points of things that appealed to me specifically about supernatural and how no other shows covers all of them which sucks bc it means I basically Yearn for a show that’s supernatural but good. Alice isn’t Dead, however, hits the most of these bullet points AND is so fucking good. It has monster hunting. It has stopping a cataclysmic event BUT also discussion of the cyclical nature of events such as these and how the fight never truly ends but you can make some fucking progress nonetheless. It has a central gay romance that’s actually a central gay romance. It’s the ONLY show on this list that really hits that the weird and dark underside of americana vibe but specifically the americana of not like suburbs and shit but that eerie haunted feeling you get when you’re hours into a late night drive on open roads with no civilization around and an expansive sky and it just Seems like something should be watching you. Have you ever been out for a walk at midnight and encountered a deer and you looked into each other’s eyes and it felt like it was telling you a message that you couldn’t possibly hope to parse? Have you ever felt an incredible sense of deja vu eating in a restaurant you couldn’t have possibly been in before, because you’ve been to a thousand diners a thousand times just like one, and there’s an incredibly sense of homogeneity even though you’re 2000 miles away from anyone and anything that could possibly know you? Have you ever traveled to an area that seems to be stuck in a bubble of time, the only thing that shows any evidence of having aged past 2006 being yourself, and you wonder how your cell phone even works around here? THAT’S the spooky americana I’m fuckin talking about! Messed up road trips! Too much goddamn space! America is scary because it’s big and Filled With Things but also Not Enough Things! Fuck yeah!!!!! That time bubble fuckin EXISTS in Wyoming the most recent song on the radio I heard was fuckin Hey Soul Sister!

Also has a thing where like are there even good guys and bad guys in a conflict or is it all just one umbrella nightmare that you’re trying to stand against in anyway possible (u kno..like how the overarching structures of both heaven and hell were kinda fucked in spn? No spoilers but similar shit be happenin in Alice Isn’t Dead). Exploration of what makes someone into a monster, like how do you go down that path? Also this is the only show on this whole damn list that southern gothic music really suits it so points for that.

The Magnus Archives

You know I had to do it to ‘em.

Basic Summary: Jonathan Sims has just become the Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, a “research” “facility” that looks into paranormal/esoteric/unexplained phenomena.

John Mulaney Voice, Again: Nobody knows what the archivist is going to do next, least of all the archivist. He’s never been in an archives before, he’s just as confused as you are.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Oh fuck this document is over 5k long I said I wasn’t gonna do this hhhhh so lipton lightning round: Slowburn Gay Romance but Actually Canon, Monster Hunting but Hey What Even Is A Monster Anyway, Acts Somewhat like a Loosely Connected Horror Anthology until it DOESNT, Little Things Build to Bigger Narrative, Characters Be Goin Through It (On God These People Need Therapy), Trying to Prevent/Fix The Apocalypse (X2!!!), Smug Asshole Big Bad, Horror as a Metaphor For Various Shit, Basically if you thought that the Men of Letter concept slapped and you think it should’ve been the whole damn show including being Deeply British you would probably really fuckin like TMA. Also if ur like the ideal piece of media is a horror tragedy but also like it’s a wacky sitcom but also also fuck cops. U will like tma.

Welcome to Nightvale

IF ANY 2012 TUMBLR FANDOM DESERVES TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMEBACK AND BE EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND ABSOLUTELY FLOOD MY DASH IT’S WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE WHY DID WE ABANDON THE SHOW THAT TREATED US THE MOST KINDLY DID YOU KNOW THAT EPISODES 108-110 ARE THE BEST FUCKING BUILT UP NARRATIVE REVEAL THAT I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY LIFE DID YOU KNOW THAT IT CONTINUED TO BE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AFTER MOST PEOPLE STOPPED LISTENING DID YOU KNOW CECIL AND CARLOS ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A DOG AND A TODDLER NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE GAY PODCAST PROTAGONISTS CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER LOVE OF MY LIFE ELDRITCHIAN CHEERLEADER AND CERTIFIED BIMBO KEEPS FUCKIN WINNIN BABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT CECIL THINKS PEANUT BUTTER IS A ROCK.

Basic Summary: Welcome to the sleepy desert town of Ņ̶̏ight V̶͚̰̮͗̔̊̊ale! Community radio how host Cé̵̟͚͕̗̞̙͂͑̽̄́c̵̤̼̞͈̪͓̍̽̋̚̕͜il Pǎ̵̧̨̢͚̻̈̂̄̇͐̇̊̀̆ͅl̶͚͎͕͉͖̬͓͑́̐̒̍̿̈́͢͜͝ͅm̸̧͙̟̖̠̳̬͋́͋́͌̚̚ͅȩ̙̖͎̖͂́̒͐͜͞r̢̢̛̰̻̮̺̩͙̼̈́͋̀͘ is here to k̠̠̰̦͙̯̥̎̄̆͌̎̀̿̔̌̚ê̷̢̬̥̞̩̯̘͒̽̈̓͐̂̔̍e̶̡̝̗̺̫̪̜͆̓̿̈͌͌̆͒͞ͅp̵̹̗̬̼̠̬͙̏͐͐̉̅͊͊́͟͞ͅͅ ỷ̛͙̞̦̦͖̑̉̌̎͞͡͡͝ͅo̧̧̥͎̻̥̲͇͋́́̔̈͌͞ǔ̸̬̯̫͇̦̮͕̤̲̯̽̔̀̔͆͋̈́͘̚ up to date all the local happenings, including w̸̢̢̢̧̡̡͍͖̻̳̹̼̼̰̬̭̱͔̲͙͍̰̠̥̺̝͖̺̖̼̮̼̞̳̞̜͉̤̯͇̖̳͖̠̙̺̲̤͇͈͚͓̮̭̱̭̩͚̟̥̬̟̻̝̼̖͚̘͐̆̅̂̃̈́͆͊̉̏͒́̈́̋͗͑̄̉́̐̌́̿̌͛̾̎̊̾̃̈́̉̔̍̐͛̕͘̚͜͜͠͠é̵̢̡̧̨̨̡̧̨̡̛̹̥̥̞̮̯͙͈̻̝͓͖͙̦̰͍̖̜̲̰̞͎͈̭̯̳͕̗͓͈̭̫̼̯̪̞̯̰̲̘̭͎̪̱̗̝̝̞̤̱͉͙̯͎̬͎̙̜̗͉̩̦͕̪̳͇͙̺̙̰̠͚͎̜̠͔̬͎̺̣͕̜̊̓̃̐̂́͂̎̐̾̔̽̀̉́̍̊̂̿̎͂͐̎̐̄̍̔̋̐̃͗̈́͂̀̒̊̎͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅa̸̡̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͙̣̘̳͎͖̥̝̟̱̩̥͙͉̝̲̙̮̩̩̹̱͔͎̥̹̻̜͚̭̬̳͚̤̙̖̯͎̱̫̞̪̻͖̱̞͔̭̻̺͚͚̯̬͓͓̳͇̳̦͓̞͈̮̤̭̣͉̲̞͚̘͗̆̃͌̅̍͊̓̈̇̌̒͊͑̊̏̊͌̈̓̿͗̒̏̒͊͒̏̃̎̒̀̅̾̍̀͘͘͜͝͠ͅt̵̢̡̨̧̧̛̛̛̯̤͓̘̻̤͓̪̰͔̪̝̫͎̻͔͈͎͔͙͕͈̰͓͍̀̏͒̆͋̈́̈́͂̔͋͆͂̅͗̍̆̍̆̔̑͊̏̈͒́̽͊́̿͂́̓͛̽͐͌̌̐̈̇̃̓̆̍̅̃̔̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅͅh̸̨̨̡̢̢̡̢̧̡̧̢̡̨̡̭̜̬̬̙͕̗̙̻̯̠̘͙̻̥͉͚̼̗͚͇͉̰͍̥͉̗͎̬̫͖͉͔̼̮̯̞̫̬̟̻͉̖̙̥̫͖̬͚̟̜̭͇͎̭̘̝̲̤͕͎̰̭̗̯̮̤̙̙̯͍̞̭͚͔͎̞̹̲̟͉̩̭̖̱̠͍̺͈̟̩̋̆̈́͆̍̆̄̏͜ͅͅȇ̸̢̢̨̨̧̛̜͍̺͎̬̪͙̻̝̣͓͈̺̩̳̟̲̠̣͈͎͎͈͉̙̪͖̳̺͇̹̊̍͊͑̿͊̌͛̿̓͊̾̀͂͛̉͆̾̽͆̈̏͛̊͛̍̈́̇͋̔͂̑͐̂̿͊̽͑͘̚͘͝͝͠͝ͅͅŕ̵̨̡̨̨̢̧̡̧̨̘̟͙̦̲̲̪̦̙̼̠̳͚̞̦̞͖͚͇̳͖̲̭͕̜̫̳̖̙͖͉͎̘̘̤̠͈̬͕̝̻͚̥͍͕̠̥͙̙̪̖̯͍̘̘̲̣̹̜̪̲̭̟̮̫̖̤̰͔̩̩͉̲͚̟̝̦̬̪̘̬̮̱͔̻̦̼̃̐̂͋̐̅̋͒̉͛́̅̈́̒̒͆̑̆͊̒͒̀̍̈́̍͌̍̏̔͋͌̒̍̌͛̓̈̂̐̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̡̨̛̠͇̹̯͕͍̻̟̼̼̗̩̱̗̙̱̥̜̬̫̜͎͉̺̣͓̟̯̱͖̣̞̠̝̥͍̲̳̙̠͔̹̘̲̲̻̖̈́̊͋͜͜ą̵̡̧̟͕̬̳̜͈͈̳̝̜̣̬͔͈͈͎͉͍̯̟̞̺͎̝͇̰̥͖̬̯͙̤̬̼̲̦̯̭͓̠̺̳̱̰̮̎͋͆̈́͌͆̎̉̓̇̐͋͋́̃̉̈̄̏̓̉̿̅̒̉̒̉͂͛̄̀̇̒͊͛́͊̎́͆̌̆́̌͂̈́̽̋͛͗̑̊̀́̍͊̌͆͊͐͆̅̒̊̉̾̄͛̑̕͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͠͝n̸̡̛̛̛̛̛̙͎̬̦̠̼͓͈̝̾̍͑͛̅̒̾́̌̍͛̇̋̇̓̏͛̔͛̈́͆̿̌͐̿͊̿́͒̍̃̀̈͐̐̆͐̉̒̂̉̀̅̇̾͋̍͒̋̈̌̿͒͐̍́͗̀̌̌̚̕̕̕͘̚͘͘̚͜͠͝͝͝d̴̡̢̛̛̛̺̠̳̬͎̞̲̣̲̱̳̪̹͉̝̠̃̽̌̅̔̾̈́̒̽͑́̒͋̓̈́͆͋̽̒̃̽̋̐͌͂̍͑́̽̋̍͗̋͗͂̅̽̈̈̾͐̄̃̕̕͠͠͝͠͝ͅ��̢̗̙̫̠̹̼̙̝͉̲̟̮̙̙̮̻̹͈̦̙̞͚̜̙̖̞͓̙̭͉͜ͅ ̵̡̡̢̛̛̗͚͍̺͇̲̳̯͓̰͍̙̮̙̜̟̞̣̼͕̝͔͙̺̫͈͈̠̻̘̱͍̦̭͔͈̤̺̗̮͕̦̞̘͍̯̻̝͓̤̳̫͔̩͉̬̈́͋̈́̐͒́̔́́̿̓̆͐̎͆̇͒̄̈̿̓̑̾̏̔̿͊̌͆͒̒͊̓̅̓́̔̅̀̀̀̃̿̂̑͂͆̅̎̾̏̓̂̈́͛͌̇̾͌͐̈̂̆͐̅̓̍̓̃̆͗̃͛̏̒̌̀̅͊́̽̐̆̿́̌͘͘̚̕͘̕̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠t̷̢̥͓̄͗̾̄̅̚͜r̵̨̡̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͍͙͚̥̱̞̜̦̜̼̺͉̠̬͎̰̻̜̼̫̤͓͖͖̤͇̞̥̖̈́͊̆̓͊̑̑̋̒̈́̔̆͆́̐͛͑͊͋̇̈́̓̑̍̏͐͛̽̋̎͑̃̈́͒̇̂̇̌͂̀̍̊̇̓̋̈́̌̏̕͘̚̕̚͝͝͠ǎ̴̡͓͓̯̘̥̱̱͖̦̺͓̘͉͖̞̟̦͈̜̥̰̘̞͈̦̠̼̯̙̭̼͚̟̖̲̠̝̜̐̅͆̏̈́̍́͂̃̾͑̓͋̽̄̾́̾̆̾͒͋̎͂̈́͘̕̕̚͜ͅͅf̷̢̡̡̧̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̡̧̫͖̖͇̲̫̮͕͉͓̩̪̳̹̩͎̖̟̤̤̲̟̪̫̻̻̖̟̦͉̼͎͖̭͍͖͎̖̳̳͙̜͉̝̘̺̖͚̙͉͕͙̯͖̞͚̮̲̻͉͙̺̭͓͎̤͙̦̦̺̯͕̜̰͍̳̙̦͉̪̥́͋̓̅̀͋͐̀̄̊̆̉̒̐͒̀̏̈̇̊̉̆̐̏̾̀̀̓͛͆̍̾͗͌̀̄̔͒̀̍̈́͆̔̒̑̏̍̏͆́̾̐̂͋̂̔̂́̓̓̌͌̉͛́̒̐̽̏́̑͊́̌̆̂̑͋̇̈́͌̑̿̅͗̚̕͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͠͠f̴̨̨̛̹͌̂̓͌͛̀͑̾̓̍͗̽͆̉̊͗̇́̍͌̊͐̔̈́̊̇͆̄̃̑̕̕͘͘͘͠͝͝͝͠i̴̧̡̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧̛̛͎̗̳̦̘̙͓̦̙͔̜̼̘͇͇̺̭͉̠̩̟̤̥̘͙̤̩͔̪̱̻͈̪̼̼̞̠͎̟̹͕̻̭̤̪̲͕̟̺̻̻͖͕͚̣͇̖̰̝̩͈̤͕͇͕̝͙̙̪͔̗̫͇͎̙̲̲͖̗̘͉̲̣̤͎̔̐̆͒̄̈́̀̎̃̃̅͆̌̈́̽̈́̅̈́̑̄̇͒͐̀̐̀̒̍̀̓͌͗̓̽́͗̓̎͂͛̅̑̔̀͛̈́̽̾̃̊͊͆̄̍͑̍̆̌̾͗̄̊̽̉̅̆̀̎̀͑̿̎̋̄̆̃͐̾̏͛͒̍̋̅͘̕̚̕̕͜͜͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅc̷̛̛͚̝̻̣̞̓́̃́̀̃̓͗͌̂͛́̒̊͑̓͆̇̈́͑̏̆̀͌̑͂͂̄͌̉̔̋́̎͒̿͗͒͛̇͛̿̎̍̕̕̕͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̡̢̢̛̺̘̹̯̤̩̘̯͔̞̟̬̠̣̟̻̥̜̤͔̥͕̠̥̞͎̗̩̱̮͉͔͎̲̯̱̙̜̥̳̮͔̦̣͖͔̜͉̗̪̳̹̦̤͇̣̙͕̯̫̖̝̼̹͍̠͎͓̗͎̦͓̲̯̱̠̰͇̮̹͔̝͉͙̹̜̹͈̹̥͖̣̳̲͖̓́͌̈́̈́̀͌̄͂̌̾́̍̔̊̓̿͋͂͋̈́̋́́̒̓̀̒̃͂̀͑̐͛̆̆͒̈́̅̿͊͌̍͗̌̌͆̂͌́̉̏̒̓͊̾̒̓̋̽͐̏̾͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅͅr̸̨̢̛̪̞̬͓͔̥̤̣͔̭̥̙͉̦̗̠̳̩͙̂̈́͑͑̿̋̓̀͋͆̋̕͝͝ë̴̢̡̨̬͈͉̖̞͔͎͓͖̼̘̬͕̰͈̥͈̝̩͎͉͉̫̜͚͕̤͔̟̯͓͎̟͙̜̭̩̗̮͎̗̤͇̝̩͎̜̺̯͕͇̝͎̯͙̖͙̮̗̮̘́̑͑͛̂̅̄̌̽̓̒̾̿͆̏̏͐͛̾̂̃͑͆̅̄̿͋̅͂̈́̽͋͒̎͐̒̓͆̌̉͑͊́̀̈̾͛̋͑̋̎̈̀̽̀͊̏͘͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅp̴̧̧̡̢̢̛̛̛͚̟͓̖̭̪̻̪̲̬̥̙̥̰̼̹͎͕̪̞̮̺̰̬̘̫̤͉̦͙̮̖̙̹̻͔̖̮̲̀̂͌̍̈̒̍̋̌̏͐̓͛̉̂̈̀͑̈́͊͗͋͗́̂̎̎̃͆͒̅̑̇́̈͐̾̀̔̒̉͑͒̅̓̈́̋͋̀̍̄̿̌̀̉͆̇̔̈́͗̋̄̓̇͗̎̉̆͊̒͗̚̕͘͘̕̕̚͜͝͝͠͠͠͠͠ͅͅͅ��̢̣̻̜̠͇̬͚̱̦̼̲̮͜ơ̶̢̡̧̨̡̛̛͔̦̼̰̠̯̰̟̲̣̜͙̲͙̪̱̱͕̺̪͈͉̺̻̙̥̲̩̲̩͔̠͚̩͓̞̠̯̟̫̣̗̦̰͉͚͙̺͎̼͖̥̙͈̯̲̝̞͎̻͕̮͔̰̖͔̭͙̩̼͔̫̹̘͓͔̜̘͍̍̅̄͋͑̋̍̊̉̄̈̽̈͐̀͌͐̆͊͂̐̋̃̎͆͛̐̀̂̿̈́͂́̈̌͐̇̀̒͋͑͐́͌̐̇̊͆̀͂͋̏́͋͆̏͗͂͑̂̓̽͘͘̚̕̕̕̕̚͘͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅr̴̨̨̨̧̨̛̘͕͈͔͙̠̬̯̩̗̰̗̬̦͈̗̝̣͓͓̟͕͙͈̠̘̻͓̭̝̘̦̦͓̭̘͙̻̙̼̩̰̝͈̱̝̱̬͉͙̣̖̮̲͈̙̱̩̣͕̦̰̮͔͈͓̙̮͍̳̟̠̞͎̱̣̰͕̩̝̲̝͐́́̍̈͐͋̐̑̌͋̓̈́̈͗̿̈̈́͗̑̚͜͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅţ̴̢̨̧͇͉͎̣̬̣̝̗̬̹͇̮̞̈́̐̌̇̈́̌͊̐̅̂̌̂͒͌́̈͌̂̊͗̍̿͑͋̎̓͂̀̎̎͒̾̏̒͌̃̄͋̌̾̍̈́̐̏͑̊̍͑͆̉̓́̆̌̾̓͊̊̈̑͘̚̕͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝s̴̢̢̡̛̬̹͚̻͉̦̦̣̦̠̜͕̤̳͓͙̟̬͕̘̦̿͗̉̏̒͆̓̄͊͌͛͂͑̒̃͛͘͜͝͝!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Honestly, probably bc Nightvale and Alice are by the Same Dudes, a lot of these points are the same as Alice Isn’t Dead, but it’s less scawy and more funney. Also hits the “horror, but make it kind of a sitcom” vibes. Doesn’t have the same road trip vibes, but DOES capture the exact weirdness of South Western USA, so I’m still giving it “fucked up americana” credit. If you’ve never been to New Mexico ur like this is an exaggeration clearly no desert town is subject to like ACTUAL cosmic horror and unexplainable sights but I’m telling you New Mexico is just Like That. (I highly recommend visiting the land of enchantment if you ever get the oppurtunity it is a deeply odd and wonderfully unsettling experience.) Look man it’s gay it’s a horror comedy cecil has a wonderfully soothing voice and it hates capitalism so fucking much like oh my god so much what more could you want.

MINI REC ALERT: Wolf 359! I have nothing deep to say about this I just like it and my gut tells me that y’all would enjoy it too I know there isnt much for physical descriptions in the show but I know in my heart that the main character is so so pretty and so so stupid. I KNOW yall like some himbos that experience character growth.

Okay since It’s my party and I’ll speak if I want to rapid fire list of podcasts I just like and want more people to listen to even though I’m behind on like all of them shhhhh: The Penumbra Podcast, BomBARDed, Dungeons and Daddies, Stellar Firma, Wonderful!

SONG RECS

okay these aren’t like replacement recs or anything they’re just really good and I almost certainly would have put them on some sort of supernatural playlist in 2013 but I don’t, like, have a good playlist for them now so I’m subjecting y’all to them also they all have the youtube link for ease of access

Woah There Kimmy- Felix Hagan & the Family

Devil’s Backbone- The Civil Wars

Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright

Awake O Sleeper- The Brothers Bright

The Bottom of the River- Delta Rae

Old Number 7- The Devil Makes Three

The Bullet- The Devil Makes Three

In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company- The Dead South

Bartholomew- The Silent Comedy

Pomegranate Seeds- Julian Moon

Curses- The Crane Wives

Tongues & Teeth -The Crane Wives

OKAY THAT’S IT! THAT’S ALL FOLKS! FUCK!

#long post #if you didn't want this blame of-mice-and-mentality for enabling me posting #supernatural

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jazajas · 4 years

Text

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

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spadesinglasses · 4 years

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The Half of It (Movie)

omfg this movie is so great, and Netflix killed their trailer game once again.

there will be spoilers involved. So please if you’re on mobile, just scroll down if you don’t want any spoiler.

Okay where to start.

Let’s go first by saying that my thoughts of the trailer was this.

A simple movie about the straights being helped by the lesbian. I thought it will be a cute moment where wlw will help mister himbo get Aster. And the idea is nice, the guy that acted as Paul is adorable (im a gay man, sue me for seeing him first orz)

I really thought its going to be a soft and easy movie about friendship, about growing up and moving forward, of falling for the person your bestfriend loves and then moving on from that.

Then the movie dropped (I was late) and ooh boy.

I’m gay, mlm to be exact so my reaction to the movie may be different from a wlw but god this movie is great.

Ellie Chu is a persevering young lass in a small ass religious town. She looks like she works with sarcasm, and dry humor, and dead pan jokes which will surely bring the house down. She is smart, chaotic in her own way.

Paul Munsky is our glorified golden retriever of a person. He his a himbo, and no one can take that away from him and me. He’s a genuinely great person, ones to diversify the tradition his family have been going for, and is actually a nice guy. NOT a nice guy tm, but rather an actual nice guy.

Aster Flores, our girl in the middle of this pyramid. She is an unknown entity in this equation and we have no info about her, other than she is an artist and wants to kick Trig and the blondies away from her. We stan her.

The story revolves around these three, but mostly Ellie and Paul.

I want to say that i love the friendship that these two have. THIS IS THE KIND OF PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP THAT SHOULD EXIST MORE IN TEEN MOVIES. They don’t have any charged moment, or moments where you think they will kiss. THEY LITERALLY JUST VIBE. or sometimes Ellie schools Paul into becoming a better person.

AND IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL. Seeing Ellie help Paul talk to Aster. Seeing Paul LITERALLY GIVE ELLIE FASHION TIPS LIKE BRAH THAT IS SO PURE.

The only straight man we will save in KASM2020 is Paul Munsky. And some others maybe.

These two showed a side of friendship that isn’t fueled with romance before coming into a platonic warmth. It was friendship from the start til the end. They get one another. I am sure that Ellie was talking about Paul when she talked about losing the person that gets you.

In this household we root for Ellie and Aster, but I see Ellie’s relationship with Paul surviving way longer than what the future holds for Ellie and Aster.

I want what Ellie and Paul have, and it sucks.

Now, notable scenes to comment on.

EVERY SCENE OF PAPA CHU AND PAUL. These two are so fucking different from one another yet vibe cooly. Like braaaaah Paul will be a great son in lawwwww.

Papa Chu has been grieving for Mama Chu this whole time and Ellie just decided to be the adult at a young age to keep them all from falling apart. AND FUCK THAT HITS DIFFERENT.

Papa Chu deciding to spill his guts, even though i’m sure Paul did not understand a bit of it, was a move towards healing and honestly, i raise my fist to him in celebration. It’s about time.

Ellie never resented that about her father and that just shows how much Ellie cares for him.

And also dont lie, if we all have the change to be romantic in our heads with our crushes, i know y’all will do it. I don’t see what Ellie did to Aster as wrong, maybe idiotic yes, but evil? No, so i will fight those who will say it, because i can already feel it in my feelies.

I really thought that when Ellie spilled how to Paul about her feels about Aster, it was the scene where Paul will know and then helps Ellie and Aster to be together. THat was the part that gave me whiplash because i was expecting it so much only for it to not happen. So again, Kudos to who edited the Trailer for this movie.

I still don’t understand why on earth Paul decided to KISS Ellie after the sport thing. Maybe adrenaline? But that moment hit me like a truck. That was the moment where i was like “oh fuck this story is about putting someone in a pedestal and then falling for them, compare to knowing someone genuinely.”

Do i think that Paul is in love romantically with Ellie? No. Paul understands that Ellie is gay, and even though he was homophobic during that time (the forbidden yakult scene), he pulled through after it, researching what it is to be gay and then not being the person to hinder someone just because of it.

I can defend Paul because I know how he is, at least with how much the movie showed us, so I’m not bothered by it. But what I wish for would be a personal conversation between Ellie and Paul after that, and before the church scene.

I feel like there was a lack of continuation between those two. It seemed too sudden between all of the things.

Maybe Paul is just that progressive.

Anywho. I’m not sure what Aster is in terms of sexuality, or if she will have a future with Ellie. But honestly Ellie deserves to find her happiness in her college so I’m not really hoping for anything between these two.

I was very confused with Aster when she asked Ellie out to her favorite place, BUT it made sense when she said that deep down she knew, at the end of the movie. But it was really confusing how this girl just asked a person she haven’t spoken with, to her favorite place AND get undressed. Like girl is brave brave. Ellie is shooketh.

Overall, this movie is up there with the feel good movies. There was no homophobia in terms of violence, but there was a moment where Paul Munsky spewed religious garbage. But we forgive him for that because the next scene, he defends the lesbians. All hail our new Thor, defender of Lesbians.

This is a really great movie compare to “To all the boys” movie. I really hope that The Half of It gets a sequel with Ellie in College, and then maybe going back home to hang out with Aster and Paul.

#spoiler #spoilers #the half of it spoiler #the half of it #ellie chu #paul munsky #aster flores #netflix #glass thoughts

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skyfallensoldier · 3 years

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Mobile Navigation || Rules & Mun ↓

DISCLAIMER: I just want to note here at the beginning that while I am considering this RP blog to be historically based, i.e. remaining true to the time period and overall details of John Laurens' biographical information and whatnot, I do not consider myself a historically accurate blog, not entirely. Historical fiction is a well known genre of literature and many, MANY creative liberties are taken within that genre. Think of this blog like you would if you saw an Anastasia Romanov blog. She's dead, we know she didn't survive, and she's been dead a long-ass time; so has Laurens. People still have included her in many works of fiction, even after her body was identified and it was proven she did not survive her family's massacre. I saw a romance book a couple of months ago where she survived that was recently published. Historical fiction, while a controversial thing at times, is a legitimate form of literature.

You don't have to tell me if you think John isn't acting exactly like the real man himself would have, I know that. I'm not going to call John my 'perfect sunshine boy cinnamon roll' or dismiss the privilege he was raised on due to his father, I'm aware he was a real person who had his own personality, virtues and prejudices. I won't deny that while he was certainly a progressive thinking man for the time he grew up in he definitely still had racist thoughts and actions that were indicative of his upbringing. But I'm not on here to debate modern, real life politics, or get into arguments about whether he was a good abolitionist or not. At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for me, and I'm writing for fun.

Basically, don't take it too seriously. I'm a 21st century bisexual woman writing from the POV of an 18th century (likely gay) male soldier, the way I write him is obviously not going to be a perfect representation of who he was. I know he wasn't an amazing, perfect person, but I've still chosen to write a fictionalized version of him for my own entertainment. Please try to respect that; thank you.

Mun Stuff

Name: Luna Gender: Female (She/Her or They/Them) D.o.B: July 23rd, 1996 Age: 24 Nationality: Canadian Sexuality: Bisexual Timezone: Eastern Time (US & Canada) Activity: Daily BIOGRAPHY (SORT OF)

Hello, there! You can call me Luna! I've been interested in writing ever since I first got the internet when I was 14 and discovered FanFiction.Net and now I'm an aspiring author and Roleplay enthusiast. If you include acting/talking out DnD like games with friends then I've been 'roleplaying' since the fifth grade, but I like to think there's always room for improvement. If you ever want to chat I'd love to make a new friend or plot out a roleplay, so don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or send me a private message. Just because my muse can be a jackass doesn't mean I am! I’m a huge advocate for mental health, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t ever hesitate to reach out! Some of my hobbies including literature and writing (of course), digging into mythology from various cultures, practicing solitary eclectic paganism/new age spirituality, drinking tea, and collecting crystals/minerals.

Please note that for the sake of disclosure, I am considered ‘Neurodivergent’, in that I suffer from ADHD, diagnosed at about age six, and have Anxiety and Depression which are directly tied to it. This doesn’t often effect my life on here, but I sometimes have an unpredictable sleep schedule (stay up all night, sleep in late into the morning, etc). I’m usually quick to reply to threads for the most part! I work every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 7pm in addition to odd jobs here and there, during which time I won’t have access to the Internet. The rest of the week I’m on and off all day basically, so you can feel free to contact me any time.

RP Style

⭐️ Please use basic spelling/grammar/punctuation when you RP with me. I'm not a drill sergeant about these kinds of things, I know that typos happen, and if you have a vision problem or such we can absolutely find a way to work around that, I also have no problem roleplaying with people whose first language is not English, so that's totally fine and I’m happy to accomodate in whatever way I can, but it does make it a little difficult to play with you if I don't know what you're trying to say. For this reason I prefer if you not use any text shorthand (lol, idk, brb, jk, etc) unless our muses are messaging each other. Using it in the tags is fine.

⭐️ I roleplay Laurens in a past-tense 3rd Person Point of View (think story-telling format), and generally I don't use icons or text formatting unless I notice my partner does, then I will try to match their style (for example if you use icons and small-text, I will try to do the same, though because formatting isn't possible on mobile, any mobile replies might take longer to be posted than if I were on my laptop). If you have any issues with how I'm writing or need me to adjust my style for any reason don't be afraid to ask.

Contact

⭐️ If you spam me with messages over and over again about something I haven't replied to, chances are I'll drop the thread. I don't mind being reminded because I know Tumblr's notifications are notoriously unreliable sometimes, and humans can forget/lose things, but if you keep poking at me after I've acknowledged you the first and second time, I won't be pleased. Things can get busy on here, or in real life, or sometimes you're just lacking muse for that particular thread, y'know? It doesn't mean I hate you and don't want to RP, I'm almost always up for plotting, but muse tends to fluctuate.

⭐️ My ‘Discord’ is available to mutuals upon request. I don't mind roleplaying on there if Tumblr is being glitchy or you're just not feeling up to formatted/heavily plotted threads, sometimes Discord is fun in that you can do immediate replies without needing the effort of putting icons and formatting into it. I also have a Kik but I never use it. I don't RP in Tumblr's IMs, that's purely for OOC interaction.

⭐️ I also occasionally stream movies/TV shows in group chats or play “in character” Cards Against Humanity game nights, Among Us, etc. If you’re interested, lemme know, I’m always looking for more people to hang out with!

Important

I have no actual triggers that I'm aware of, although snakes do creep me out (mostly shots of them coiled up or images of their pupils), but there are some things I will not roleplay personally for comfort reasons:

⭐️ Cannibalism. You can mention it, for example I won't freak out if someone tells my muse that somebody else ate a person (he might, assuming its not a Supernatural type verse), but I won't RP him engaging in cannibalism, not even in AUs (blood-drinking vampires are fine). I'm just not sure I could stomach writing about eating people. I managed to watch Hannibal, barely, but writing about it? Nah. I can handle lots of horror, gore and disturbing content but not this. Sorry.

⭐ Incest/Pedophilia. I do not SEXUALLY ship with characters under the age of 18. John is not attracted to children, and would never consider sleeping with someone much younger than him.

⭐ I will not write anything sexual with muns who are under 18 years old, even if your muse is an adult. I'll still ROLEPLAY with you if you are under 18 but probably no younger than 16 just because things tend to get explicit on my blogs and I don't want to be accused of corrupting the youth with my foul language and weird opinions, lol. Seriously though, this blog covers a lot of dark subjects and while I’m all for minors exploring that safely through writing rather than in real life, some people aren’t comfortable with interacting with under age people for legal or personal reasons, please respect that.

⭐ Necrophilia. Just... no. Vampire threads don't count, as they're undead and not 'dead dead'.

⭐ Rape. I won't write it with you. I'm okay with mentions of rape, with rape/sexual assault survivor/recovery plots, and even with one character intervening to rescue another from an attempted sexual assault (if an attempted assault does occur, it will be thoroughly tagged and under a cut). I'm fully open to discussing rape recovery/trauma plots as those are things that happen in real life, and it can be interesting to explore how a character reacts to trauma. But anything else is a no-go, sorry!

⭐ Please be aware that I write Laurens as a gay man. However! Because of the time period, violent homophobia and social stigma, he has slept with women before and may be seen flirting with or referencing relationships with women in the past. He is still gay, and still uninterested in being with women long term, he's simply closeted to all but a few individuals. So, unless your muse is Martha Manning (who Laurens DOES love in a manner, and he always will), shipping with female characters on here most likely isn't going to happen unless it's heavily plotted/developed and part of an overall plot, and you understand that it will not be a conventional sexual relationship. I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I've read Laurens as a gay male for so long I have trouble seeing him any other way.

⭐ I will not roleplay slavery plots. This is not up for debate. Roleplaying a highly fictionalized version of a long dead real person who existed during a troubling time is one thing, but I draw the line at that. For this reason, while I'll happily play with non-white muses, muses using non white faceclaims, and crossovers with characters of all sorts, I'll have to decline playing with any muse claiming to actually be writing slavery. There’s a difference between, say, roleplaying a character like Daenerys, a fictional character who was technically a slave-bride sold by her brother, and writing actual slavery from a very real, horrible time period. Slave ownership will of course be mentioned on this blog, that's unavoidable, but just like the mention of rape may happen on this blog from time to time, it will be in reference to a past event or speaking about the subject in general, not roleplaying a scene of it. Please respect this rule, I was hesitant to make this blog at first, because I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I won't glorify such a horrible real thing that happened to so many people.

Exclusives/Mains

Just a head's up, unless I develop a bunch of chemistry with a particular portrayal of a muse I'm not likely to agree to being exclusives with anyone, unless perhaps it's a very niche or divergent character that has formed a good relationship of some sort with John and I'd have trouble interacting with other versions of that muse. For major characters I just feel it would be unfair to say no to someone who I click with in every other way, solely because I have already befriended someone else writing that character.

I will, however, discuss becoming mains with someone whom I've either developed or plotted out detailed storylines/interactions with regarding our specific portrayals of our characters. This means that I tend to reply to them quickly when I'm online, or may make little gifts (moodboards, aesthetic things, mini ficlets, whatever) for them unprompted, have a verse dedicated just to them, etc. Even if it seems like we haven't done much on Tumblr, there may be a lot of off-site development on Discord or whatnot that led to us plotting out intricate stories for our muses.

Current Mains:

Alexander Hamilton - @quillborn

⭐️ Send private messages.

⭐️ Send my character asks/starters/memes.

⭐️ Tag me in things.

⭐️ Ask to plot or ship.

⭐️ Ask for angst, fluff, etc.

⭐️ Submit things to me & my muse.

⭐️ Do crack and other ridiculous things with me!

⭐️ Like my RP threads.

⭐️ Like my personal posts.

⭐️ Comment on my personal/OOC posts (if you want to).

⭐️ Comment on my crack threads.

⭐️ Instant Message (IM) me if you'd like to talk, whether we're friends already or not!

DON'T

⭐️ Send hateful messages to me about other people and especially my mutuals; doesn't count if it's about the muse and not the person playing them, however. Also, if I’ve got beef with someone for whatever reason, don’t harass them/send hate to them on my behalf, please. I don’t condone anonymous abuse, attacking others, or harassment. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, I promise.

⭐️ Introduce yourself with ‘wanna ship?’ For one, I prefer if we’ve at least started a roleplay together, or have spoken OOC. Auto shipping doesn’t always work out and I hate promising people something only to realize there’s zero chemistry, because then I feel like I’m letting them down.

⭐️ Come into my inbox with just ‘wanna rp?’ and that’s it. Please at least have some idea of what you want to roleplay, it’s not very fun when someone approaches you to RP but then doesn’t offer up any suggestions at all. Remember, you are always free to send me memes, whether we’re mutuals or not, and hit me up for whatever plot you think might interest me! I want to hear about it!

⭐️ Spam me with "reminder" messages if I've already acknowledged you the first few times.

⭐️ Reblog my RP threads if you're not a participant in them.

⭐️ Send me anonymous OOC hate. Hate for Laurens is fine, it's just another form of roleplay.

⭐️ Kill off my character or severely injure/maim my character without permission or having plotted something involving that with me first.

⭐️ Follow me if you're a porn blog. I don't mind blogs that post NSFW content, or smut a lot, etc. I mean blogs that aren't for RP and are literally just a normal looking blog until you click on it and the header and first twenty posts are hardcore nudity and porn. I hate those things.

⭐️ Shame my ships.

⭐️ Complain about my tagging. I put my smut under a 'read more' without exception and tag them as "NSFW //" with two dashes. Things that are not necessarily graphic but still have sexual undertones go under "Suggestive //". I use these tags to avoid attracting attention from porn blogs and porn bots that track certain key words, as such I do not tag my content with "Smut" or trigger words such as "dick, oral, anal, nudity, etc", please block my NSFW and Suggestive tags if you're uncomfortable. Triggery subjects (mentions of rape, animal abuse, torture, mental illness) will be tagged under the name of said trigger with a space and two dashes, example: "Self Harm //", “Suicidal Ideation //” or "PTSD //".

⭐️ Godmod my character. If you’re not sure what is/isn’t okay, come talk to me! I don’t bite! If you’re looking for an example of god mod behavior, here: “X lunged at Laurens, taking him by surprise, and hit him square in the nose, causing blood to spurt.” It might not seem like a big deal but it means that you decided how your character’s actions affected my muse, and not only that, didn’t give him a chance to dodge or anything. Not cool.

⭐️ Ship with me without permission (sending in shippy asks is A-Ok if you're interested in exploring a ship between our muses, I'm talking about things like claiming that our muses are in a relationship without discussing it with me, referencing dates or sexual acts that never happened, etc. I ship mainly with chemistry otherwise things get boring fast.

⭐️ Assume/act like our characters know each other/are closely connected (friends/family/lovers) if we've never discussed it unless it is established in canon/history. This especially goes for original characters. I'm open to Laurens forming deep relationships with OCs obviously, but those have to be developed in character, not just assumed from the first interaction.

⭐️ Attempt to roleplay with me if you are not a roleplay blog/or if you're just trying to RP as "yourself." I don't do Character X Reader imagines stuff. I don't RP with 'fan' accounts, only RP blogs. You can still send asks so long as you're not trying to initiate an RP scenario. For example, asking Laurens what his hobbies are, asking for a blessing etc? That's fine. Spamming me with different actions "you" are talking to Laurens is weird. Stop that. I will also not RP with blogs that claim to roleplay as real life people, such as Markiplier, that's super creepy. This does NOT apply to "historical fiction" roleplay (obviously since that's what this blog is), which is considered its own genre of literature. I'm talking about the above where people will 'roleplay' as real life, currently alive people like YouTube celebrities and ship them with their friends, even if they've made it clear that they're uncomfortable with it.

⭐️ Get angry at me for doing something you don't like if you don't even have a rules page for me to go by. It's not fair; you can't expect your partners to just read your mind and magically know how you feel. If something bothers you let me know, I’ll make a note about it so I avoid it during our interactions!

⭐️ Use me as a meme resource blog without ever interacting with me. I don't require "reblog karma" for you to follow me, partners are more than welcome to reblog from me, but if we never interact and I just occasionally see you reblog fifteen posts from my meme tag and then disappear again I'm not gonna be happy. Go to the source or to an archived blog no longer getting notifications, please!

⭐️ Reblog my Meta/Headcanons. If they're from a different blog it's fine but the ones I've personally written are for MY portrayal of Laurens. I work hard on most of my stuff and I'd prefer if you didn't reblog it, not because you aren't allowed to have the same headcanon ideas as me, but because then it ends up getting liked or reblogged by lots of other people, spamming my notifications, etc.

OCs & Multimuses

I love OCs and multi-muse blogs (I have my own multimuse sideblog over at @historyremembers, which has other 18th century characters including the Hamilton children and some OCs), so feel free to interact! That being said, please have an about page of some sort on your blog. I can't follow back blogs that have absolutely no information available regarding their character(s). I don't RP with OC children of Laurens. This is nothing personal, but I'm fairly certain he was gay in real life and prefer to play him that way, and he only had one child - who he never even got to meet - in real life, so it just wouldn't make sense to me for him to have other kids running around unless he'd adopted some. If you're a multimuse, I may not follow you back if I'm only familiar with two of your muses if you have a blog of fifteen characters, simply because I'd prefer to keep my dash clean and only have characters/fandoms I'm familiar with on it. I'll still RP with you if you have a character I'm interested in! I just might not follow back if the majority of your characters I do not know, I apologize for this.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, congrats! I know it couldn’t be easy (my ADHD brain was frustrated trying to just write all this up) but it’s necessary so there’s not misunderstandings on what I am/am not willing to RP. I won’t ask for a password since I trust most people to have the courtesy to at least skim the rules of those they want to RP with.

Have a nice day!

#Everybody Listen Up! {PSA}#Out Of The Field {OOC}#Long Post //

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mother-shipper · 5 years

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Can we get a Headcannon of Billy realizing that Steve's self depreciating humor is actually a symptom of devestatingly low self esteem?

TW: homophobic language, internalized homophobia, mental abuse

So the way I’m imagining this is down the road. Our boys are living together in a tiny little apartment. Steve’s parents know about him and Billy. They were not at all supportive and Steve’s been cut off until he “comes to his senses”. However, his parents still call. Sadly, this has gotten him more of their attention than he ever got growing up. They never fail to tell him how disappointed they are, how he could have a good job with his dad if he just stops all this nonsense. And “really, darling. The town is starting to talk and your father doesn’t need that right now”. Or “he’s just waiting to rob you blind, Steven. Can’t you see that?” Except that Billy’s the one who hasn’t abandoned him even without his daddy’s money to spend.

Billy’s always known Steve to make jokes about being just a pretty face and not being good for much. He never really thought anything of it. But he’s noticing that with every phonecall from his parents, this sense of humor Steve has gets darker and he’s even harder on himself than usual. It’s not until he hears Steve call himself the f-word that he really sees how bad things are.

He came home from work to find Steve making dinner. “Smells good, babe.” Steve gave a hollow laugh, staring down at the pot on the stove.

“Yeah. Y'know. Sissy fags gotta be good for something.”

Hearing those words out of Steve’s mouth nearly stop his heart. Because he knows where that kind of self hatred comes from.

Billy grabs Steve by the wrist and spins him around, pinning him up against the fridge. “Watch your mouth,” he nearly growls. He takes Steve’s chin in his free hand, forcing him to look him in the eye. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talkin’ about. And no one gets to bad mouth my man.”

Steve gives this broken smile, trying to drop his eyes. “Billy-”

“No one. Understand me?”

It doesn’t sink in. Billy can tell it doesn’t. But Steve laughs and placates him. “Whatever you say, man.”

He leans forward to plant a kiss at the corner of Billy’s mouth. Billy doesn’t wanna let it go. But the chicken’s going to burn and he doesn’t quite know what to do. So he lets Steve go.

————

He credits the idea to Max who had taken to pinching the boys any time they said something that was questionably sexist or homophobic. Teaching them their words had a direct impact. It worked. They stopped slipping up and using phrases like “that’s gay” or “like a girl” in a negative way. He would have to adjust from her approach but the concept was the same.

Steve came into the bedroom, holding up one of Billy’s favorite tank tops turned pink.

“So. Guess what your loveable, fuck up of a boyfriend did this time.” Steve recoiled as something made impact right between his eyes, flailing and shouting as he almost fell over. “What the hell was that?!”

Billy sat on the bed, reloading the Nerf pistol with one of hundreds of darts in a bag beside him.

“I warned you, Harrington. No one bad mouths my boyfriend.”

Steve rubs at the red spot where the dart had made impact, looking at Billy in disbelief. “Are you serious? How much did that cost! You know I can’t get a good job! We need to save- AH!”

Billy fired another shot at him. “Sounded like you said my man can’t get a good job.”

“I can’t! DON’T YOU DO IT! SO HELP ME, BILLY!”

“Try again,” Billy coaxed, aiming the pistol at Steve in challenge. Steve seemed to flounder, trying to find word’s that wouldn’t get him fired at.

“My job doesn’t pay well enough…” Nothing. “So we have to save up until I can do better for US! BILLY!”

“Until,” Billy prompted, reloading again. “Think it through, Steve.”

Steve paused, trying to think over his words. “Until…I can find something that pays better.”

Billy smiled his approval. “There. Was that so hard?”

“Yeah, actually it was,” Steve pouted at him. Billy got to his feet, tugging Steve in close and slipping his hands into Steve’s back pockets.

“And that’s exactly why it’s important.” He kissed the spot between Steve’s eyes. “You don’t know how to be nice to yourself and that’s a problem.”

“Right. Because you’re mister positivity,” Steve sassed.

“I am when it comes to you.”

Steve laughed softly, dropping his head against Billy’s shoulder. “It’s just…hard, okay? I haven’t exactly accomplished mu-dON’T YOU DO IT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” He grabbed Billy’s hand by the wrist, pushing away the dart gun he’d been ready to fire.

“Try again,” Billy coaxed. Steve huffed, trying to choose his words more carefully.

“Things haven’t gone the way I thought they would,” he tried. “And I’m not where I thought I would be financially.”

Billy lowered the gun. “Better,” he praised. “And that’s alright, babe. I’m not where I thought I’d be either. But are you happy?”

Steve sighed. “I mean I’d like it if we had a little more security. I wish I had more options-”

“Is that you or your parents talking,” Billy asked. The silence was all he needed to hear. “Steve, are you happy? Yes, things could be better but things could always be better. Are you happy right now is what I’m asking.”

Steve laughed softly against Billy’s shoulder. “How could I not be? We’re out here in our own. We have our own place. We’re together.”

“Then I think that’s more important than what your parents think or what they had planned for you.”

Steve wrapped his arms around Billy’s middle, clinging tightly to him. “You’re way more important.”

“Right back at ya.”

Steve smiled and pressed a kiss against Billy’s collar bone. “I love you.”

Billy hugged Steve tighter. “Love you too.”

The washer buzzed the end of it’s cycle and Steve gently extricated himself. “Uugh. Chores.”

Billy smiled and kissed Steve one more time before letting him go. He watched Steve leave, waited until he was at the end of the hall, took aim…

Steve yelped, rubbing his ass where the dart struck him. “BILLY!”

“That one was for my shirt.”

-----

EDITED: I answered on mobile so autofill fucked up some of it. Fixed now.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #prompts #asks #behavior modification #in the form of children's toys #Billy's enjoying this a little too much

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machihunnicutt · 5 years

Text

What the Downton Movie Owes Me (but will probably not give me): Some Thoughts on Thomas Barrow

yes...I wrote 1k+ words on this. I’m so sorry.

I’m watching Downton Abbey for the 3rd (4th?) time with my sister who hasn’t seen it. I love this glorified soap opera to death, y’all, with the full acknowledgment that this show does a horrible job with a lot of its plot lines designed to tackle complicated issues: disability (the ableism against Bates via the house that he never gets apologies for, Matthew and his spinal injury/wheelchair that is always framed as life-ending and making him nothing but a “burden”), class (the Branson/Sybil marriage is alright, but there are countless missed opportunities to interrogate the relationship between upstairs and downstairs, particularly Carson’s attachment to a family that monopolizes his life and the lives of all its employees), (I’m going to leave race and gender alone because I think it does a pretty decent job when these issues come into play but feel free to lmk if there’s something I missed!), and sexuality, which is what I want to get into.

So granted, I understand that I’m not the target audience for this show. I understand that Downton’s gay characters were not written primarily to be relatable, multifaceted representations of gay people in a period drama. I get that Downton’s target audience is older, straight people for which representation isn’t super important. But, I have watched this show at least 3 times now and I’m still angry about its treatment of Thomas Barrow, so I’m going to break down why:

1) Things We Know About Thomas Barrow

I really like early seasons of Downton because, for all its drawn out drama and plot twists, it cares a lot about character development and consistency. Many characters (dare I say the majority) do mean and bad things and yet, we are still empathetic because we’ve spent time with them, understand why they make the choices they do, and see them learn from their mistakes (early seasons Mary is an excellent example.)

Thomas Barrow is my favorite Downton character because of the great narrative work they do in this regard. In the first episode we learn several character traits of his that continue to be important throughout his arcs:

- He doesn’t trust easily and has few friends in the house. (AKA, boy’s got a bad attitude. It’s better to act like you hate everyone than give them the chance to reject you.) I found this immediately endearing (because of who I am I guess lol), and though I understand why people don’t like his character because of this, I think it’s a good move for a character you intend to have grow over a long period of time. Opening up, accepting help from others, and showing kindness are all parts of Thomas’ future storylines, actions that show his slow growth from this facet of his character. I also think it’s important to note that when Thomas does make friends he is loyal to them (I’m excepting O’Brien from this category given there’s so much backstabbing between them that it’s a stretch to call them friends) and will take risks to protect them (Examples: befriending Lt. Courtenay and later fighting Dr. Clarkson to keep him at the hospital; befriending Lady Sybil and speaking kindly about her when he doesn’t have nice things to say about anyone else upstairs, later earnestly mourning her death in a show of vulnerability he generally masks; befriending Jimmy and looking out for him when he gets drunk at the fair, going as far to get beaten up to save Jimmy; befriending Andy and helping him learn to read; befriending the kids of the house and saving them from that one nasty nanny who was mistreating them.)

- He’s a romantic. The man wants to be loved and jfc I wish the show gave him a good love interest.

- He’s easily manipulated. (More on this later, but for now...) The Duke plays him, and it’s cruel, but it shows how easily Thomas can be tricked when he’s offered affection and the chance to leave Downton for something better. (Also note: from day one, he’s wanted to leave Downton!)

- He’s the evil gay trope. The gay villain trope has a long and complicated history and sure, you can say Thomas’s sexuality and role as an antagonist aren’t connected, but the show doesn’t exist in a vacuum and it feeds into a long history of villainizing LGBT and LGBT coded characters. The thing I hate most is that they get really close to subverting it in Thomas’ best moments (his work in the hospital during the war, his relationship with the kids, his gradual opening up to people in the house) but alas...

2) Why I Hate The Jimmy Kent Arc More Than Anything

Okay, so it makes sense for Thomas to be manipulated by O’Brien. That’s consistent with his character and I don’t fault the show for melodrama because that’s what it does. What I hate, is that the show depicts Thomas’ attraction to Jimmy as predatory and when he is punished for trying to kiss Jimmy while he’s asleep (which is assault) the house (and I’d argue, the show) frames this as bad only because Thomas is gay and Jimmy is not. In the show’s narrative Jimmy is mad because he’s homophobic, not because he’s been violated. And his and Jimmy’s ensuing friendship would be genuinely sweet if it really was just an issue of homophobia and not one of ASSAULT!

I’d argue, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t portray Thomas as predatory and then brush it aside to make a statement about tolerance, because assaulting people is bad regardless of the sexuality of the perpetrator. You either need to punish his actions for what they are or get better at story telling and not rely on the predatory gay stereotype.

But, secondarily, I’m bothered by this arc because it doesn’t seem in character, to me. I know Thomas does a lot of bad, stupid things, but I don’t think it makes sense for him to be predatory. In his best moments he is protective, romantic, and loyal. Yes, we see him as rash and naive, but his actions never felt right for the character, to me. I just think it’s lazy writing to handle his attraction to Jimmy this way, especially given the development of their friendship afterward. It would’ve been so much more satisfying and narratively interesting for Thomas to express his feelings for Jimmy in a respectful way. Jimmy is the only character we see Thomas have genuine feelings for (not motivated by upward mobility as in the case of the Duke or I guess(?) racial stereotyping in the case of Kemal Pamuk...but lbr his pass at him was mostly a plot device) and I think the arc would’ve been so much more fulfilling if we saw it as Thomas’ attempt to love someone fully and honestly, even if it ultimately doesn’t work out the way he wants it to. And I don’t get why they didn’t do this! Because the Jimmy/Thomas friendship ends up being sweet, and useful for each character’s development. They just had to make it gross by beginning with an assault. Just a huge, lazy, waste of a potentially good idea.

3) The Last Season Was Bad For A Lot Of Characters But They Did Thomas Extremely Dirty

I don’t know where to start with the last season because I think they ran into so many problems because they forgot how to use great characters effectively (Mary is a prime example!!) and started just throwing them into dramatic situations for the sake of plot and not keeping actions consistent with established character.

For example, life at Downton is the roughest it has ever been for Thomas in season 6, to the point where he is alienated by most in the house (I’m not going to talk about how badly Carson treats him and how much of a tyrant Carson is in the last season because again, I think it comes down to the writers forgetting how to use their characters effectively) and attempts suicide. All in all, I just don’t like this because it’s predictable and overdone. Gay people in period pieces almost always have overwhelmingly tragic stories and it’s not fun for me to watch anymore. What most disappoints me though, is that when everyone else is getting paired off in the fan-servicey ending, Thomas’ consolation prize is being the butler??? To a house full of people who’ve hated him??? He’s wanted from the beginning to leave Downton and in the end he doesn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, if the show had shown me his change in attitude and relationship to the house, given me this character development in meaningful ways, and not used a suicide attempt as a half-assed catalyst for change, I would be all for Thomas as Downton’s butler. I think that if they’d done the work of making it a believable and constructive next step for his character, that I’d really like it. I think Thomas’ relationship with the kids (particularly George! I’d watch a whole movie about that!) is well done and I think it echos Carson’s relationship with Mary, but better. But you! have! to! do! the! work! to! get! the! audience! there! You can’t give me a whole season of Downton nastiness and Thomas suffering and then expect me to buy that this is his happy ending.

4) What I Want From This Movie

I don’t think I’ll get it (though a love interest for Thomas via the trailer is encouraging), but here’s what I want:

- Show me why Thomas Barrow as Downton butler makes sense. And if you can’t, let him leave and be happy somewhere else because he deserves it.

- Show me how he’s grown. Show me his relationship with the kids and how he’s better than Carson because I need it!!

- Let Thomas be in a relationship that is healthy and not manipulative or coercive or a plot device for drama.

- Let him be in love and don’t make it a sad story. Please.

I find Thomas Barrow such a compelling character because he isn’t perfect. He makes mistakes. He does bad things. He grows. He changes over the course of six seasons. He’s a gay character in a period drama whose story isn’t about being ashamed of who he is. It isn’t about denial or apologies or pretending he’s someone he isn’t. And I think that’s significant. I just wish they’d done a slightly better job. :)

(Thanks for reading. I’m gonna keep being a Thomas Barrow stan even when no one watching with me thinks I’m valid lol.)

#thomas barrow #downton abbey #downton movie #awi makes things #downton abbey rant #jimmy kent #lgbt media #rant

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lookslikechill · 5 years

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WIP Intro: Between His Fingers

➤ Title: Between His Fingers ➤ Genre: Historical Fiction, Murder Mystery, Romance ➤ Tense: Close Third Person ➤ Status: First Draft/Planning ➤ Setting: Port Cassandra, Northern Coastal California, USA//late 1940′s ➤ Rating: 18+ for sexual content, violence, and just some heavy-ass content. ➤ Themes: personal struggle & growth, PTSD/mental illness, internalized homophobia, institutionalized homophobia, toxic masculinity, flawed/ineffective government/police, police accountability, familial relationships, gay male romance, secret relationship, murder mystery. ➤ Featuring: secrets & mysteries - old city - underfunded police force - different kinds of romantic relationships - The Ocean & The Forest - car troubles - men being stupid - Angst(tm) - Passion - drunken nonsense - Everybody Smokes(except Miles) - And Swearing

➤ One Line: Two cops in late 40′s coastal California try to solve crimes while also being secretly super gay for each other.

➤ Summary:

With state of his knee, damaged in the war and making it impossible for him to pursue anybody or anything on foot, Alistair James Sheep is lucky to be an officer with the Port Cassandra Police Department in the first place, never mind the anxious state of mind he keeps tucked under the rug. He is unlucky to be divorced, a fairly uncommon status in the late 1940′s. The matter of luck is a bit more complicated when it comes to the forbidden relationship he somehow managed to slip into with Miles Crawford, his very male crime-solving partner of almost two years.

The modest city of Port Cassandra had not been the most squeaky-clean, crime-free place since Alistair had lived there, but a sudden spike of murders and arson cases has the city on its toes. It wouldn’t be that much of a problem, if it wasn’t for the department’s outdated and old resources, lack of organization, and dismissive and ineffective Captain. If that wasn’t enough, some of Miles and Alistair’s fellow officers seem to be more interested in causing more problems than solving them.

➤ Characters:

Alistair Sheep(pov), 28, male(he/him); reserved & sharp-tongued, anxious & paranoid, mechanically inclined, introverted, detail-oriented, always the driver, great shot, bad at emotions and sharing.

5′10″, white man with a build on the narrower side of things, lean, very dark brown, wavy hair and a short, full beard, modest, blunt eyebrows, brown eyes, sharp/pronounced jawline, subtly bumpy nose with a slight curve to the left, straight & alert posture/stance, tends to rest his weight to the left, resting asshole face.

Alistair arrived home before the war ended, in 1944, due to the injuries that left him with a permanent limp and an inability to run effectively. He doesn’t (refuses to) use a cane most of the time now, but most likely will have to give in as he gets older. He and his then-wife and childhood friend, Emily, moved to Port Cassandra in very early ‘46 in a last-ditch effort to save their crumbling marriage, which obviously failed. With the issue of his mobility, he joined Port Cassandra’s Police Department under the condition that he would always have another Officer, capable of running, with him when he was on duty outside of the Station.

Miles Crawford, 24, male(he/him); gentle & compassionate, capable & confident, prone to singing, whistling and humming, a big picture man, the runner of the pair, can be too willing to forgive and lacks skepticism.

5′8″, white man with a sturdy, thick build, bit of a belly, wide through the shoulders, short, curly brown hair, clean-shaven, wide-set dark brown eyes, slightly freckled, round face, thick, tapered eyebrows, small ears, nose small & rather rounded, standing stature usually squared but relaxed through the shoulders, expression open and relaxed on average, smiles often.

Miles grew up in Port Cassandra, in one of the cabins in the woods by the beach on the outskirts of Port Cassandra. He never knew his mother, and his father was neglectful, at best, physically abusive, at worst. He left home at 15 and spent the rest of his childhood living with the PCPD’s second-in-command, Joseph Sawtelle, and his family. He joined the city’s Police Department as soon as he was able, and Sawtelle acted as his mentor throughout the first few years of his service.

➤ Links:

Port Cassandra Location Intro Valentine’s Day Special Playlist & Excerpt Excerpt - Startled FFF: The Move Character Aesthetic - Alistair Sheep Character Aesthetic - Tobias Rigby Character Aesthetic - Daniel Morrin Character Aesthetic - Alistair Sheep - by Farrradays Art & Playlist - Alistair Sheep - by cr0wfood Worst Tag Game Intro - Alistair Sheep Miles Crawford Character Intro Alistair Sheep Character Intro

Excerpt, Cont. Character List, and Taglist below the cut!

Content Warnings: Sexual content, physical violence, gun & weapon violence, police violence (mostly cop on cop), unhealthy coping mechanisms re: abuse of cigarettes and alcohol, avoidance, repression. Homophobic language & violence. Abuse re: neglect, physical abuse, bad dads in general. Also war imagery & mentions. Murder, blood, and gore, of course. Fire, as well.

➤ Excerpt:

Alistair rotated the wheel and pulled into the thin dirt driveway to the left of the shack of a house they had been called to. The house appeared to sink into the forest that surrounded it, the look of it was so raw, wooden, and narrow. It looked like it belonged there, except for the glaring lights in the windows that cut through the twilight gloom.

It would almost be a peaceful sight, worthy of a postcard, if there weren't first responders hanging out on the front porch. An ambulance in the driveway. And now, the police cruiser he sat behind the wheel of. In the passenger seat, Officer Crawford, Miles, was looking at him again. Alistair straightened his back and cleared his throat.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just, you know, you looked like you had something on your mind."

"I assure you nothing is ever on my mind," Alistair said without thinking, and scowled when Miles immediately looked amused.

"Sure. Why don't we head in before they come looking to see whether we've died, too?" He said, tilting his head in the direction of the house.

"That joke is in extremely poor taste, Officer Crawford," Alistair drawled as he cut the engine and popped the car door open.

➤ Cont. Character List:

Emily Castaldi, 28, female(she/her), Alistair’s ex-wife, and childhood friend, with whom he still maintains an awkward and erratic relationship. perceptive, clever/witty, independent, works as a housekeeper at one of Port Cassandra’s struggling hotels.

Arthur Pimento, old(60′s?), male(he/him), Captain of the Port Cassandra Police Department, he was a very successful, heroic officer as a young man and won’t admit those days are gone. proud, strict, close-minded, sophisticated, unwilling to admit he’s not as capable as he used to be, married with adult children.

Joseph Sawtelle, mid-40′s, male(he/him), PCPD’s second-in-command, doesn’t feel as if he has as much of a sway over the department as he should. tired, resigned/reluctant, quiet, bitter, married with two feisty teenage daughters, mentor and parental figure to Miles.

Gentry Sinclair, late 30′s, male(he/him), PCPD Officer, family man who just wants to be friends with everybody. bright/cheerful, asks a lot of questions, wants to know the people around him well, Ken doll attractive, married with three young children, he will show people pictures of his family and babble about them.

Daniel Morrin, early 30′s, male(he/him), PCPD Officer, cocky with an ego the size of Texas and not above bullying behavior to get things his way. selfish/self-absorbed, very big and knows it(loves it), takes up way too much space and gets way too close, kind of an asshole all around, picks on everybody(”jokes”), gets along best with Rigby and Sinclair.

Tobias Rigby, late 20′s, male(he/him), PCPD Officer, served in the war and has never been seen with a woman he wasn’t related to. extremely reserved/quiet, says very little, very blunt and straightforward when he does open his mouth, short/small but can definitely kick your ass, frowny & mysterious.

Conrad Fitzgerald, early to mid-30′s, male(he/him), PCPD Officer, served in the war but was a Prisoner of War for most of it. a bit erratic, brazen, talks a lot, boxes in his spare time, has been seen by Alistair entering and leaving underground gay bars yet to be raided, charismatic in a relaxed way, married without kids.

Rosemary Fitzgerald, mid 30′s, female(she/her), Conrad’s wife. like her husband, considered a bit odd, smiles too much and talks too fast, paints skulls, only seen wearing dark colors, stubborn, comes to the Station too much.

➤ Taglist: @livingdeadwriteblr - @cawolters - @agnesfagen - @the-real-rg - @balletshoe-punk - @lie-hart - @phloxxiing - @teacupwriter - @newdivinities - @omgbrekkerkaz - @soul-write - @elisabethrosewrites - @cirianne - @ladywithalamp (ask to be added or removed!)

➤ Tagged: #Between His Fingers, #bhf, #bhf:wip

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xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx · 5 years

Text

Love is Love - Gerard Way x Reader

Request: I need,,,, more Punk!Gerard in my life,,,, okay but seriously- can I request a Punk!Gerard fic? Also can the reader be male and can it be angst?? Thankies bro!! Take your time on it!!!!

Reader: male

Warnings: homophobic slurs, Spoiler Alert for ‘Love Simon’

Word count: 3 424

A/N: I watched ‘Love Simon’ (so spoiler alert) a while ago and got seriously upset about his friends’ behavior after he got outed. And I wanted to put things right in a way, because there has to be some weird shit going on with me if I don’t befriend the forcibly outed kid when I notice none of their friends are around.

Your eyes flickered over the screen again and again, not able to believe what you were reading. You reloaded the page, just to be sure, but the black letters were still clearly being displayed on the school’s anonymous confession website.

“Gerard Way is a fag”

You were not sure which part of the statement was disturbing you the most. Obviously this was not the way someone wanted to come out. You would not want to come out like that at least. So someone had outed this boy, probably without his consent. Someone who was, judging by the word they had chosen, homophobic.

It was no secret that your school was not the most LGBT+ friendly ground in town, but it still disgusted you. And then there was that name. You had never really talked to Gerard before, but you knew he was in art class with one of your friends. Apparently he was pretty good a drawing. And he would definitely not have been on top of your ‘who might be gay but not out’-list. You did not really have a list, neither on paper nor in your mind, but Gerard really was not within the first twenty names you would have said if someone had asked you who you thought was gay on your school. Of course you could not just look at people and tell if they were homosexual, but being gay yourself, you would have expected some sort of instinct or something kick in. Apparently not.

Anyway, Gerard was one of the lonely punk students at your school. You knew he had a brother, Mikey, but he was younger and not yet on the same school, his friend Ray had moved away before summer break and other than him you had never seen anyone talk to Gerard.

You wondered if he knew. Did he just sit in front of his laptop, like you? Was his heart beating faster, his chest imploding, tears falling down his cheeks? You knew that would be your reaction if someone outed you, especially like that. ‘Gerard Way is a faggot’, who would write, say, or even think something like that? Had people no respect for each other? Why could some people not just accept that love is love? On the other hand, you knew why you were not out. Because there were too many people who were not tolerant, and you were not even sure if your friends would have your back.

~*~

You had kind of hoped that Gerard’s sexuality would not be topic number one when you walked to school with your friends on the first day of the new school year. But the post was barely a week old, and people were too excited to see Gerard, now that they knew this thing about him, that seemed to change the way they looked at him. Idiots.

The lunch room was as crowded as you remembered. People pushed around and tried to get their favorite spots in the room. You sat at a table close to the door, a warm breeze of late summer air blowing past your bare arms.

“Okay, but seriously? I always thought something was weird about him,” your friend Gina declared, placing her tablet down next to yours and sliding into the bench, her knee brushing against yours.

“But he a girlfriend last year, right,” Paul, another one of your friends replied, making space for Mark, the fourth in the group.

“Imagine how she must be feeling right now,” he said, looking across the hall to where the girl was sitting.

“Imagine how he must be feeling right now,” you answered, not being able to stay quiet any longer. “Imagine some ass posts something so personal about you, how would you feel?”

Your blood was boiling, had been since you had seen that post last week, but within the last hours, you really, really had gotten very angry. Especially at whoever had submitted that post. And since the submission box of the website posted automatically, no one had checked it before it had been thrown out there, probably ruining this poor boys holiday, if not even high school time.

“It’s something people deserve to know though,” Mark shrugged.

“Deserve? What’s wrong with you man,” you wanted to jump up, shout, shake some sense into your friend, but you had to stay calm. “What next? Should everyone wear a sign around their neck, saying ‘straight’, or ‘gay’ or ‘bi’ or ‘pan’ or whatever?”

“Well, he’s just trying to say it’s not normal,” Paul jumped in, making you even angrier.

“Normal? Of course it’s normal, it’s love. Love’s normal. It’s just not as common,” you argued. Shit, you were seriously upset now. You felt personally attacked. And how should you not? They were basically insulting you. They just did not know it.

“It’s just a little freakish,” Gina said, definitely not helping.

“Freakish, how can-“

In that moment all noise around you stopped. People grew quiet and the white noise of clicking forks against porcelain faded, everyone staring at the door. Confused you turned around as well, and were met with the sight of a very pale Gerard Way. His long, black hair fell into his eyes, his shoulders were slumped and his black jacket was pulled tightly around his body, like a shield. He looked so lost and even a little scared, it broke your heart. And for the first time you noticed how pretty he actually was. It was a macabre beauty, dark circles under his eyes, greasy hair, looking a like a beaten dog, but he was beautiful. He would probably look breathtaking if he had a good night’s sleep, a little bit of sunlight, and a shower. You wondered what his smile looked like, if his eyes would sparkle along, before realizing that now was probably one of the worst moments to realize you had just started crushing on him. After all you just had a discussion about homophobia with your friends.

About a hundred pairs of eyes followed the pale boy as he walked over to the serving counter and paid for a plate with pasta. Slowly the conversations started picking back up, but your eyes still followed Gerard. He looked around for a moment before sitting at the end of a table, a few seat away from a group of seniors. They stuck their heads together, before they all got up, carrying their full tablets to the next table. You wanted to run over and scream at them, but you stayed seated, instead just throwing another glance at Gerard. His head hung low, hair covering his face. And then you realized he was alone. No one sat with him. No one was there to talk to him, to comfort him.

“Look who’s in the house! It’s our faggot!” someone, doubtlessly one of the brainless jocks, screamed through the room, earning laughs left and right. Even your three friends laughed. “Wanna suck my dick?”

Enough was enough, you decided. Without another word, ignoring the questions of your friends, you got up and grabbed your tablet. Your mind was clouded with rage as you walked over to the almost empty table. Only the loud slamming of your plastic tablet against the table pulled you back into reality.

Gerard’s head shot up at the noise, wide, hazel eyes staring up at you in fear. You ignored him and sat down in front of him, continuing your lunch without a word. When he was still staring at you after almost a minute you looked up.

“This seat is not taken, is it,” you asked, lifting your eyebrows.

A smile tucked at Gerard’s lips. Holy shit, he looked beautiful when he smiled.

“It is now,” he answered, his cheeks hinting at a tinge of pink.

“Good,” you said, smiling back at him before you continued eating.

~*~

You only realized that you had not thought of the consequences of your actions during the following days. After you had had lunch in silence, you finally started talking to Gerard, about art and music, about your families, about anything but his sexuality or his outing. And you noticed how much you had in common, yet how different you were.

During the following days, you started to hang out more with Gerard, during school, and after school. And what else would you have expected than an increasing number of homophobic slurs being thrown your way. Of course everyone assumed you were gay now, just because you hung out with someone who was. They were not wrong, but the rudeness, the unacceptance, the brutality of their words hurt you more than you wanted to admit to yourself.

So you stayed strong, during school at least. Gerard had it a lot worse than you, so you stayed strong for him. He sometimes told you to stay away from him, for your own sake, but you just laughed at that.

In fact it turned out that it had become impossible for you to stay away from him. A force stronger than gravity drew you towards him, and while you tried to convince yourself that you were not already head over heels for the dark haired punk, deep down you knew that that was a lie.

So you found yourself lying awake at night. The insults of the day made your throat tighten, your eyes burn and your heart heavy, but then you remembered Gerard, looked at the glowing display of your mobile portraying his profile picture, and you knew it was worth it.

It was yet another sleepless night, the bright screen of your mobile illuminating your face, when suddenly the door to your room slowly opened. You sat up in your bed, trying to spy through the darkness.

“(Y/n), are you still awake,” you heard the familiar voice of your mother whisper.

“Yeah, you can come in,” you answered, turning on the light on your bedside table.

Your mother was living alone with you in the small house, and judging by the time your alarm clock displayed she had just come home from her shift in the hospital where she worked as a nurse.

“Everything okay, dear,” she asked, stepping into the room. Doubtlessly she had noticed your red eyes as she strode over to the bed and sat down on the blanket next to you.

“Yeah- I mean… not really, it’s just-“ you took a deep breath. You had thought these words through countless times, always thought how you wanted to come out to her, when, with which words. “Did I tell you about Gerard?”

“He’s a new friend of yours, right,” she recalled correctly.

“Yes, he- ahm… he’s gay, you know,” you carefully watched your mother’s expression as you told her about Gerard’s sexuality, but she just listened without showing any sign of emotional reaction. “He got outed during the last week of holidays, and… well, school’s pretty much hell for him right now.”

She nodded understandingly.

“The first day after holidays, he was sitting alone at lunch, and literally everyone stared at him, or talked about how being gay is freakish, and I just got… so… angry. So I went to sit with him, and yeah, that’s how I know him.”

“That was nice of you, I’m sure he’s glad to have you,” you mother told you, gently patting your arm when she noticed how upset you were about that topic.

“But since we started hanging out… people… they think I’m gay too, and I get all these insults and all this… I don’t even know what to call it… hate? I walk through a corridor, and people just yell stuff, so Gerard asked me to stop hanging out with him, so I wouldn’t get… you know, hurt,” you stuttered. You didn’t want to stop hanging out with Gerard, you didn’t want to stop being friends with him. You wanted to get to know him better, you wanted to be closer to him, you wanted so much more than just friendship, but he tried to push you away. And you had to share your thoughts with someone, and your mother was the best choice for that, at least at the moment. But first of all you had to tell her something else, something that was bigger than the thing with Gerard.

Your mother was still thinking about your words, quietly nodding when you continued, your throat tight, your voice wet from tears.

“I’m in love with him,” you confessed, biting your lip so it would not quiver, “I’m in love with Gerard, mum. And I’ve been in love with other boys before. I’m, I’m-“

You couldn’t say it. Something inside you fought against that word, that label. Love is love, why did you have to label yourself?

“You are my son,” your mother finished the sentence for you. “You are my son and you are beautiful and perfect and I feel very honored that you talk to me about these things.”

She wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into an embrace. Her shirt still smelled of the disinfectant of the hospital, a smell that reminded you of your childhood. She patted your back for a while, whispering how proud she was of you.

“So…” you pulled away, your face heated from crying, your eyes burning and your voice hoarse. “About Gerard, what do you think should I do?”

“What do you want to do,” your mother asked back.

You watched her, expected her to look differently at you now that you had come out, like all the people looked differently at Gerard now. But she just looked at you like she always had, with so much love in her eyes, the way only a mother can look at you.

“I want to be with him,” you told her, and you really, really wanted to be with him.

“Then tell him, tell him exactly that,” she smiled and patted your knee while you nodded.

“You knew, didn’t you,” you suddenly realized. “You knew I’m into boys.”

A mysterious smile played around her lips. “Not really, I suspected it sometimes.”

~*~

For the first time in this school year you felt actually confident when you entered the school building. You would tell Gerard how you felt about him, that you wanted him to be your boyfriend, to be his boyfriend. If he said no? Okay, not cool, but you could deal with that. You wouldn’t just leave him alone in the mess that he was in due to him being outed. You would stay by his side, if he wanted that. And if he felt the same way? Then you would probably die of a heart attack, but that would be worth it.

You had showered and put on your favorite deodorant, your worn out Smashing Pumpkins shirt and some comfortable jeans. You felt ready to deal with whatever fate threw your way. Until you reached Gerard’s locker.

Black spray paint letters spelled out the words ‘fag’ and ‘cocksucker’. You wanted to vomit. For a while you stood next to Gerard who stared at his locker in silence. At first you felt paralyzed. You wanted to wish the slurs away, wanted to rip the door of the locker off and beat these bastards up with it, you wanted to delete all memory of this from Gerard’s brain. But none of this was within the range of your capacity, so once you had stared at the locker for long enough, you grabbed Gerard’s wrist and dragged him to the director’s office.

It turned out to be a long conversation. The director listened to your story, which you told from the beginning, just to make sure he understood everything. Gerard just sat in his chair, head hanging low, wishing to be invisible. Then the director made Gerard tell his side of the story. The man in the big chair said some well-meant words of encouragement and told you that there was nothing he could do.

You stared at him disbelievingly.

“Are you seriously telling me that you can do nothing against bullies who insult and hurt and mentally scar one of your students,” you asked, totally forgetting who you were talking to.

“You don’t say it, maybe not even think it consciously, but somewhere inside this messed up brain of yours there is this rule that states that homosexuals, probably transgender kids as well, are worth less than your ‘normal, everyday’ student” you drew the quotation marks into the air. “You know who was gay? Oskar Wilde, and you teach his literature in school. You know who else was gay? Alan Turing, the father of modern computers. Hell, Turing even killed himself because of the way society treated him. And now everyone pities him. Do you really want to be the kind of person who tells a kid they’re sick, or a freak or whatever fucked up insult your mind comes up with? Do you want to be the one who stands in front of the world, declaring love is wrong? Because that’s all it is, love. Being gay is loving, being bi is loving, being lesbian is loving! It’s just the ‘wrong gender’ you love. Wrong the fuck! It’s society that’s wrong if they think love can ever be wrong. Not talking about pedophiles or the fucked up abusive kind of love, I’m talking about mutual love. And maybe it hasn’t come to your notice yet, but if you think discriminating against gays is some hip trend, then surprise! It’s not and your views are obsolete. The UK, Germany, Australia, Sweden, France, countless other countries, do you know what they have in common? Same sex marriages are legalized. The states too, by the way. Because these governments seem to get what neither you, nor your homophobic student body, get: that it’s just love after all, and that’s the bloody truth!”

There was a stunned silence after you had spoken, and for a moment you were afraid that you would get suspended or something, but then the director nodded and agreed before promising he would take care of the matter.

When you were finally out of the stuffy office, standing in an empty corridor, you took a deep breath. You could feel Gerard’s eyes on you, so you looked over at him.

“Those were some pretty powerful words in there,” he complimented with a smirk, a smirk that was so soft and gentle and adoring that you wanted to kiss him here on the spot.

“Thanks,” you smiled.

“It almost sounded like… please don’t take this the wrong way, like you knew what you were talking about.”

“Being afraid of getting hurt for loving someone of the same gender,” you wondered and he nodded. “Well… let’s say it was pretty easy since the person I love sat right next to me.”

Gerard’s eyes widened for a moment as he realized the meaning of your words and he gasped for air.

“You, you are… you-“ A smile brighter than any you had seen before spread over his face, lighting up the whole room.

“I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay,” you told him, unable to keep your own grin under control.

When Gerard nodded furiously, you gently took his face into your hands and pressed your lips against his. They were soft, tasted a bit of Tabaco and coffee. Your heart was hammering in your chest and you were running out of breath faster than you liked. Your head was spinning and you hoped that holding onto Gerard’s face was enough to keep you standing. When you pulled away, he chuckled slightly.

“Technically I was sitting on your left,” he whispered into your ear.

Confused you turned your head to look at him, almost forgetting what you wanted to say as you met his beautiful, shining eyes.

“What?”

“You said ‘the person you love sitting right next to you’, but I sat on your left,” he winked.

“Idiot,” you giggled, gently nudging his shoulder, “you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Gerard agreed, sounding incredibly pleased knowing that his feelings were being returned.

In that moment the bell rang and you heard chairs being moved around on the floor, and chatter growing louder behind the still closed doors.

Warm, soft fingers intertwined with yours, making your heart flutter.

“Shall we,” Gerard asked.

You leant forward, pressing your lips against his again quickly before the first doors flung open and revealed you to the rest of the students.

“Yeah, let’s show ‘em how it’s done.”

#gerard way x reader #gerard way #gerard way fluff #gerard way x reader fluf #gerard way x reader fluff #male!reader #punk!gerard #high school #high school au #coming out #fanfiction #fanfic #cute #fluff #support

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imnotinclinedtomaturity · 6 years

Text

Love Yourself (Chapter 15)

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 8k story words: 113.3k (so far) chapter: 15/? rating: m warnings: language, alcohol, sex mentions, some bi/homophobia genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn [[ao3]] [[first chapter]] [[previous chapter]]

a/n: as always, i love @auroraphilealis very much and appreciate all the time she spends editing for me.

also: before you send me an ask about using a read more, i did, they just don’t always work on mobile and there is nothing i can do about it :( take it up with tumblr lol

Dan woke up face down in his bed the next morning, unable to fucking move. He felt like he’d been run over by a goddamn train. In fact, he was pretty sure there wasn’t a single part of his body that didn’t hurt.

Oh my god, this is definitely what death feels like.

He needed water. And coffee. And maybe some carbs.

“Addieeeeee,” Dan called weakly, the sound of his own voice aggravating his head. There was no response — not that he really expected there to be one. He had no way of knowing if Adaline was awake yet, and even if she was, his voice probably didn’t carry as far as the spare bedroom.

Using all of his willpower, Dan shoved his hand under his pillow, blindly feeling around for his phone. When his fingers finally found it, he pulled it far too close to his face and cracked one eye open to look at the screen.

Overnight, his phone had blown up. Frankly, it was a surprise that the vibrations beneath his pillow hadn’t woken him up and it was probably a testament to just how heavily the alcohol had knocked him out. Dan ignored all of the notifications, though, instead opening the phone app and pressing Addie’s name.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!” Adaline greeted him way too cheerfully.

“Uggggh,” was all Dan managed to say — and it was more of a groan than a word. Adaline laughed so loudly that Dan could hear her in the next room over almost as well as he could on the phone. “Come here,” he mumbled.

“You’re bloody insane, Daniel.” The phone went silent halfway through Adaline’s laughter.

Knowing that Adaline was heading his way, Dan tried to force himself to roll towards the door, determined to look at least a little like a functional adult. He wasn’t particularly successful, though — he only made it halfway to his side before the excruciating pain of his hangover stilled him. Dan shut his eyes again, determined to close out the world.

Good enough.

He didn’t have to wait long before he heard his door being pushed open, and light pitter patter footsteps across his floor. There was nothing, though, that could have prepared him for the sudden jolt of the bed from Adaline literally jumping on it, landing on her knees near Dan’s torso.

“Fucking hell, Addie,” Dan grumbled, his slight progress towards rolling onto his side having been lost, the force of the bed shaking inadvertently rolled him back onto his stomach.

“Awww, look at you and your hungover ass,” Adaline cooed loudly, with zero respect for Dan’s feelings or headache.

“No one likes you,” Dan murmured bitterly into his pillow. Adaline jumped again, her knee actually knocking against Dan’s ribs this time. “Please stop that,” Dan reached out with every ounce of energy he had and caught her shin.

Even though his grip was nowhere near strong enough to hold her in place, Adaline stopped bouncing and came to rest on her calves, leaning her face down close to his head. “Sanka, you dead?” she asked.

“Ya, mon,” Dan managed to mumble back.

It was a long-standing inside joke between them, a reference to a movie they’d watched constantly growing up. Adaline had originally texted Dan it, with absolutely no follow up, when he was seventeen and out way past his eleven o’clock weekend curfew. He’d been rather drunk at the time, and flirting heavily with someone that he was pretty sure he was going to go home with — both facts that he didn’t want to disclose to his twelve year old sister — but he had taken a moment to write back ya mon =] and apparently that was enough. Without Dan even asking her to, Adaline had covered for him. Ironically, she’d told their parents that Dan’s friend had irresponsibly gotten drunk, and Dan had to take care of them because he was the only sober one — a cover story that she’d texted him in the dead of the night so he knew to go along with it. The next morning, he was fortunately able to pass off his small hangover as sheer exhaustion from helping his “immature friend” get through the night.

And since then, Sanka, you dead? had just become a thing between him and Adaline. If they went too long between talking, or one of them was supposed to hear from the other and didn’t, communication always started with a simple Sanka, you dead? — sometimes even reduced to a quick sanka?

Adaline prodded him in the shoulder, pulling Dan out of the near-slumber he’d fallen back into. “Seriously, bro, wake up.” She moved her finger to his cheek, poking him a few times. “Are you really that hungover?”

“Are you really not hungover?” Dan croaked back, barely audible.

“No, Dan,” Adaline laughed. “Unlike you, I’m not an old man.” She poked Dan in the face again before adding, “also I had one less drink than you, which can’t have hurt.”

“I hurt.” Dan turned his head just enough so that Adaline could see he his pout.

Adaline shifted, sitting cross-legged near Dan’s waist, evaluating him with humored eyes. Dan didn’t particularly appreciate her judgment. “Aren’t rockstars supposed to be, like, living the life?” she asked with a small laugh. “You know, doing cocaine every night and shit?”

“Are you really saying you’d rather me be coked-out right now?” Dan looked at her incredulously.

“No, I’m just saying that all things considered, a hangover seems like it’s on the minor end.”

“It doesn’t feel minor,” Dan whined, shoving his face back into his pillow.

“Poor Bear,” Adaline humed, with a not-so-subtle mocking edge to her voice. “What will make you feel better?”

“Coffee,” Dan mumbled into his pillow. “And a crumpet.”

“I don’t think you have either of those in the house. I tried and failed to have breakfast.”

“Wallet,” Dan gestured vaguely towards his floor where he was pretty sure he’d shed his pants last night — or rather, early this morning. The bed shifting was Dan’s only indication that Adaline had gotten up and followed his vague pointing. “Go downstairs to B ‘n G and get us something.”

“Ooh,” Adaline sounded intrigued. “Can I get chips from the place across the street?”

“Ad, you can buy the London Eye for all I care, just bring me a fucking crumpet.”

“Needy much?” Adaline mumbled as she left the room, but even Hungover Dan could hear the sarcasm in her voice.

The lure of sleep was tempting, and Dan nearly gave in. But when he closed his eyes, he was haunted by the notification-filled screen of his iphone and he needed to know what all of the notifications were.

Dan fished his phone back out from under the covers and swiped down, looking at the summary of his messages. There were two missed calls from an unknown London phone number, but no voicemail. Must not have been that important. There was a notification from twitter, too. From what Dan could see from the preview, it looked like Phil had retweeted Dan’s tweet at… one thirty in the morning.

What the fuck had he tweeted again?

Dan hadn’t exactly blacked out last night, but, well, the last hour or two of the night were definitely a bit fuzzy. He remembered coming back to the table with a final round, and insisting that he tweet a picture of him and Phil — which, in hindsight, Dan had no recollection of what that picture really had been. At the time, he had thought it was pretty tame, but in the past, Dan had thought some pretty risque things were tame when he was drunk. Although — Adaline had taken it, so it couldn’t have been that bad… right?

And after the photo, they’d drank some more. But what exactly had happened? Dan couldn’t quite remember. He tapped on the twitter notification from Phil, hoping that the photo would jog his memory.

@AmazingPhil: *my* fave lad is at it again <3 RETWEET: @danielhowell: your fave lads are at it again @AmazingPhil [picture]

Dan flushed, both at what Phil had tweeted and at the memories that flooded back.

Flashes of what they’d done after that tweet came to Dan. He had no real recollection of what they’d talked about. He did, however, remember inching closer and closer to Phil throughout the night, he remembered tucking his head into the crevice of Phil’s neck, he remembered kissing Phil’s cheek, and he remembered —

Oh fuck.

He remembered telling Adaline that he wanted to go home with Phil. And as best as Dan could remember, Phil had been sitting right next to him when he’d said it.

Phil had drank just as much as Dan had, though. Maybe Phil didn’t remember — for all Dan knew, Phil could be extremely oblivious to everything while intoxicated. Maybe Drunk Dan’s graceless attempts to be secretive had been just enough to hide his actions from Drunk Phil.

Probably not. But maybe.

Dan swiped back down on his phone, looking at the rest of his notifications. There were three unread messages from Phil. One that came in at half past midnight, and two that had come in that morning.

Whatever they were, Dan wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with them. He was cringing too hard from his own drunken behavior that he couldn’t possibly stand to open the messages. If he ignored them, maybe they’d go away and the consequences of his actions wouldn’t be real.

Dan shoved his phone back under his pillow, so far away that it clunked against the headboard. Determined to ignore it as best as possible, Dan shifted down the bed until his head was laying where his butt normally was and his feet were hanging far off the bed.

There.

Now, whatever had happened last night, whatever Phil had texted him, couldn’t touch Dan. He was safe down at the bottom of the bed and the world could just fuck the fuck off.

Dan must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing he knew, Adaline was perched on his abandoned pillow, waving something buttery and something coffee-y over his head.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” she sang lightly, knocking something soft into his shoulder.

Dan flipped the covers off his face and looked up, his eyes hungrily landing on what Adaline had in her hands.

“Gimme,” Dan begged quietly.

“Sit up, silly, and you can have it.”

With every ounce of strength he had, Dan pushed himself into a cross-legged position across from Adaline, who was mirroring his position, leaned against the headboard with a box of greasy-looking chips in her lap. Dan immediately made grabby hands, reaching out to take whatever she’d brought him.

“Geez, geez, here.” She passed him a bag and a small to-go cup. “One crumpet, one triple espresso.”

Dan took a tentative sip of the coffee — god, he was dehydrated. But more than that, he desperately needed caffeine, so he powered through. He waited until he’d swallowed a few gulps to look back up at Adaline.

“So,” he asked tentatively, “On a scale of one to ten, how much did I embarrass myself last night?”

Adaline giggled, shoving chip in her mouth and looking at him thoughtfully for a moment. “Maybe a seven?”

“That’s it?” Dan asked skeptically.

“Well, you didn’t throw up, so there’s minus one. And you didn’t offend anyone, so there’s minus another point. Plus, your drunk tweet was highly acceptable and actually cute, so there’s minus another.”

“But with Phil…” Dan trailed off.

Adaline laughed loudly and freely — that wasn’t a good sign. “You’re fucked there, mate. A full ten out of ten on that scale.”

Dan dropped his bagged crumpet to the bed, leaning forward until his forehead collided with Adaline’s ankle.

“Was it really that bad?” he asked gravely.

“I mean… well, maybe.” Adaline sounded pitying, which wasn’t overly promising. “But he was just as gone and embarrassing as you, so you’re fine.”

Dan peeked up slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Adaline said, tugging on his chin slightly so he sat upright again, “Phil seems just as hopelessly head over heels for you, so all of the humiliating shit you did?” Dan’s cheeks colored red at the reminder.” Yeah, he was just as bad.”

“Hmm.” Dan tore open the bag and took the crumpet out, nibbling off a small bite. Carbs, thank god. He thought back, trying to focus his mind on Phil’s actions last night — he remembered Phil’s hand landing on his leg at some point, he remembered Phil helping Dan put his coat on, he remembered Phil drawing Dan in close on the cold pavement.

“He texted me,” Dan blurted out.

“Oh did he, now?” Adaline didn’t sound surprised. Dan nodded vigorously, immediately regretting it due to the amplified pounding in his head. “And what did Sir Philip say?”

“I don’t know.” Dan turned back to his crumpet, peeking up at Adaline bashfully.

Adaline looked at him like he was ridiculous. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I didn’t read them. I was too nervous.”

“Oh my god, Daniel James Howell, who is the teenager here?” Adaline rolled her eyes, not waiting for a response from Dan. “Where’s your phone?”

“Under your ass.”

Adaline didn’t question him — she’d known Dan too long to question anything, probably. She merely leaned forward on her hands and pulled Dan’s pillow out from under her, plucking his phone off the bed.

“Passcode?”

“Twelve-fourteen,” Dan answered without thinking, breaking off another bite of crumpet.

“One two one four…” Adaline mumbled as she punched the digits. “What’s the significance of that?”

“The day I signed my record deal,” Dan said through a mouth full of food.

“Oh, look at that, Danny boy is a little sap.” Adaline peered up from the phone, taunting him with a smile.

“Fuck off. Don’t pretend your passcode isn’t something stupidly personal, too,” Dan complained, kicking out and nudging her calf with his foot. “What did Phil say?”

“Hmmm,” Adaline hummed as she navigated his phone, leaving Dan in desperate suspense. “He texted you last night, looks like when he got home maybe. He said he had a nice time and that it was nice to meet me and that you’re really pretty.”

“Wait, really?” Dan asked, surprised. He lowered his crumpet from his open mouth, staring at Adaline in disbelief.

“Really, really,” Adaline smirked.

“All of it?” Dan tried to reign in his giddiness, sure that Adaline was fucking with him. “He called me pretty?”

Adaline looked at Dan, amused and disbelieving. “Of course, you dipshit. That kid thinks the damn sun shines out of your ass, he obviously thinks you’re pretty.”

“Oh.” Dan felt his cheeks flushing and ineffectively tried to hide behind his coffee cup.

“You’re such a fucking dork,” Adaline mumbled under her breath. “Do you want to know what he said this morning?”

“I don’t know, is it terrible?”

“What do you mean is it terrible?” Adaline asked, her tone belieing the fact that she clearly thought Dan was an idiot.

“I don’t know, like, did he call me out for being drunk and dumb and coming on too strong?”

“Dan, he was plenty drunk and dumb and came on plenty strong himself, you weren’t alone, okay?” Dan cheeks, which were already flushed, felt like they grew impossibly hotter. He nodded his head dumbly, hoping Adaline would continue. “So he texted you an hour ago saying please dear god tell me you’re as hungover as I am? And then he texted you again twenty minutes ago saying — oh.”

“Oh, what?” Dan demanded, dread washing through him. Had Phil remembered how much of a drunk mess Dan had been last night? What if Phil changed his mind — or worse, Dan had read too much into Phil’s feelings for him?

“Er…” Adaline squirmed a bit. Dan could feel the knot in his stomach tightening. “Just remember that you were drunk, and were being suuuuuuper forward, and kind of hard to reign in last night.”

“Oh god, what?” The fear in Dan’s veins rushed faster. What the bloody fuck had he done last night?

“Well, I’d had a bit to drink too, and at one point I just flat out told Phil that I was there to babysit you and gave him a big lecture about how you needed time and space.” Adaline’s expression made it clear that she was wary of Dan’s reaction, which was fair. A lot of people — most people, probably — would be pissed if someone else was that brutally honest with their crush on their behalf, but Dan just felt a wave of affection.

Phil had needed to know. He’d needed to know that all of Dan’s flirting, and looks, and comments weren’t meaningless. Dan needed him to understand Dan not immediately making a move wasn’t because Dan didn’t want to. And as embarrassing as it was, Dan even kind of wanted Phil to know that Dan thought he was different, that he was special.

So Adaline taking the initiative to tell Phil, especially when Dan hadn’t known how to, was really just a blessing in disguise.

“You’re a good egg,” Dan whispered, offering her a small smile and ruffling up her hair.

“I know, I know. I’m amazing,” Adaline joked, sounding relieved at Dan’s reaction.

“No, seriously,” Dan insisted. “I don’t think I would have ever gotten the guts to say that to Phil and he needed to hear it. He needs to know that I’m in, but I just need, well, time.”

Adaline shrugged, laughing a bit. “Glad to help. I figure, Drunken Overprotective Dan has come to my defense enough that Drunk Overprotective Addie probably owes him a few favors.”

“So what did he say?” Dan asked, suddenly remembering that the point behind this conversation was that there was another message from Phil. A message that had made Adaline hesitate, and confess she’d done last night.

Adaline took a deep breath before reading. “He said that he was sorry if he crossed any lines last night and that he understands that you need time and that he’s there when you’re ready and he hopes you can be friends in the meantime.”

Dan’s mind whirled at all everything Addie was saying, not necessarily because of the amount, but because of the content. All morning, Dan had been worrying that he’d made a drunken ass of himself, that he’d been the one out of line last night. But Phil’s hungover bum was laying in his green and blue sheets, feeling nervous about the same thing. Unlike Dan, though, Phil was concerned that Dan might not want to be friends, and Dan couldn’t let Phil think that for even a second more.

He lunged forward, swiping his phone out of Adaline’s hands so that he could see the messages for himself. Now that he knew what they were, he wasn’t too humilated to read them.

Phil [12:28am]: I had a realky good time tonigjt an it was great to meet youur sister. Your’e very pretty night noght dear

Phil [9:14am]: Please dear god tell me you’re as hungover as I am?

Phil [9:57am]: Dan, I’m really sorry if I crossed any lines last night. I understand and respect the fact that you need time after Isabella and I want you to know that I’m here when you’re ready. Until then, I really hope we can still be friends xx

Dan typed back a message, hitting send before he let himself think over it — or worse, let Addie read it. Adaline was the queen of playing by imaginary dating rules, and if she saw what Dan was typing before he sent it, she’d surely make him change it.

Dan [10:22am]: i’ll always want to be friends with you, phil. no matter what

Fuck that came out even sappier than Dan had meant for it to. Maybe he should have let Addie look at it, after all. Embarrassed, he quickly tacked on another message.

Dan [10:22am]: why am i so hungover wtf

There. That was more casual, right? Not too casual, hopefully. Dan didn’t want to come across like he was avoiding talking about the topic of, well, them.

“Awww is baby brother texting back?” Adaline teased. Dan had barely pressed send on the second message before the phone was being ripped out of his hands.

“Addie, what the fuck! Swiper no swiping!” Dan launched himself towards his sister to steal his phone back, but was easily defeated. She held the phone just far enough out of reach that he would have had to kneel up to reach it, and god knows he wasn’t capable of doing that at this moment in time.

“Let’s see what you’re saying to your boyfrieeeend.”

“Stop calling him that, he’s not my boyfriend.” Dan’s hand was still limply reaching out for his phone, but he’d resigned himself to the fact that he wasn’t going to get it back unless Adaline gave it to him, or he mustered the energy to crawl to his knees to grab it back.

“Yet,” Adaline said simply, keeping the phone out of Dan’s reach but tilting it enough that she could see the screen. “God, bro, do you have no chill?”

“What? What do you mean?” Dan asked, alarmed. It had been a long time since he’d started dating someone, and he hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Louise that he sucked at it. His hatred — and slight ineptitude — when it came to dating, to playing the game, was at least part of why he was so adamant about monogamy.

“I’ll always want to be friends with you, Phil,” Adaline read back, her voice several octaves higher than normal, “No matter what!” She stuck her tongue out, making a gagging noise. “You’re disgusting and I hate — jesus fuck, you double texted, too.”

“So!” Dan exclaimed. He wanted to defend himself, but to do that he needed energy. “Phil triple texted!” he whined back.

“I guess you’re right…” Adaline trailed off, tossing him his phone back. Dan caught it gratefully.

“Do you think I need to, like… play it more cool or something?”

Adaline snorted. “I think playing it cool is well out the window after last night, don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah. But like,” Dan drank the remainder of his coffee as he tried to find the right words. “Like, do you think I should chill out on the texting him and seeing him all the time thing?”

Adaline stared at him contemplatively for a bit longer than Dan was comfortable with. He squirmed under her gaze, wishing he still had coffee or food left, just so he had something to do with his hands.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” she finally said quietly. “I don’t really know the protocol for when you’re already head over heels for someone and are trying to wait because of some arbitrary thing.”

“It’s not arbitr—” Dan tried to interrupt, but Adaline cut him off.

“Sorry, sorry, that was the wrong word.” She rolled her eyes endearingly.

Dan twirled his phone between his fingers, his hangover finally lifting just enough that movement wasn’t painful. “You don’t think I’m being insane, right?”

“I always think you’re insane. How so, specifically?”

“By waiting. With Phil, I mean.”

“No, I don’t. I think that it’s something I’ve never seen from you and I think that it’s good. Tbh, I’m still kinda shocked that you aren’t dragging me or Louise to a bar to be a wingman so you can find someone to fuck while you wait.”

“I couldn’t do that to Phil,” Dan said honestly, shrugging slightly.

“Yeah,” Adaline agreed. “And that’s what’s different. I like it. This whole trying to keep it in your pants thing is a good look on you.”

As complimentary as Addie’s words were, there was a hint of laughter to them that Dan couldn’t overlook. “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

“You mean the fact that you train’ed me in so that you wouldn’t fuck your crush? No. Never. I’m talking about it in my speech at the wedding.”

“We’re not —”

“Dating, I know, I know.” Her lips curled into a smile. “Yet.”

Yet.

Dan’s phone dinged in his hands, drawing both of their attention down.

“You deal with that, I’m going to get dressed. And so are you. And then you are going to hold up your promise to do something fun with me today.” Adaline flicked him on the nose, hopped off the bed, and trailed out of the room, pulling the door shut behind herself.

Dan waited until the door clicked to unlock his phone and read what Phil wrote.

Phil [10:36am]: Because we drank hardly any water and bad news bears, but hangovers just get worse the older you get.

Dan smiled stupidly down at his phone. Phil was just so goddamn cute. It didn’t take Dan long to craft a response — he’d decided that Adaline’s permission to not follow the cool rules of dating meant that he could just say the first thing that came to his mind.

Dan [10:38am]: great now i’m thinking about my inevitable death, thanks for that

Staring at his phone, Dan crawled out of bed and stumbled over to his wardrobe. He stared at the little delivered message, willing it to change to read. Jesus, he didn’t even know if Phil had read receipts on, and Dan was staring at his phone like a fucking schoolkid.

Forcefully, Dan sat his phone down on his dresser, and determinedly turned his attention to finding an outfit for the day. His fingers trailed across the hangers as he tried to decide what to wear. For a second, he hovered over Phil’s jumper, briefly considering pulling that on, but he’d endured far too much taunting from Adaline already and decided he didn’t need to add to it.

Instead, he settled on wearing a stupidly expensive, but amazing Alexander McQueen sweatshirt that read hissing at the sun, because he felt like it really fit his hungover aesthetic.

Dan had one leg in and one leg out of his jeans when his phone went off. Eager to see if it was Phil, Dan tried to rush back over to his dresser, totally forgetting that he wasn’t really in his jeans yet, and nearly tripped over himself. He caught himself on his dresser at the last minute, cheeks burning red in humiliation despite there having been no one there to witness his mistake, and picked up his phone to read the message.

Phil [10:44am]: You’re a dork

Dan typed back a response without thinking, quickly pressing send.

Dan [10:45am]: but i’m your dork

It took a minute for what Dan had said to really sink in, but when it did. Dan nearly dropped his phone.

Fuck.

Even considering that he’d given up following the cool rules of dating, Dan knew that was too much.

“ADALINE.” Dan screamed, kicking off his jeans because lord knows he didn’t have the emotional capacity to wrangle on skinny jeans at that moment. “ADDIE. I FUCKED UP, GET OUT HERE.”

Dan tore down the hallway, coming to a halt in front of the closed guest bedroom door. He raised his fist up and pounded frantically on it.

“ADS. ADDIE. FUCKING HELL. OPEN UP. JES—”

The door opened suddenly, the momentum of Dan’s hand against nothing sending him toppling forward. Adaline ducked out of the way just in time, letting Dan fall gracelessly to the floor.

“What the fuck did you do now?” Adaline asked, hands on her hips, but a knowing smirk on her face. From the ground, Dan helplessly offered up his phone, burying his face in his hands as soon as Adaline had taken it from him.

“Good lord, Daniel. I leave you alone for five fucking minutes.” She laughed. Dan peeked his eyes between his fingers to look up at her. Her eyes were lit up with mirth as she stared back down at him.

Dan groaned into his hands, rolling over to lay face down on the floor. Adaline nudged him in the side with the tip of her foot. “Dan?” nudge “Daaaan?” nudge “DannielllI?” nudge nudge.

“Leave me alone to wallow in my misery,” Dan mumbled.

Two strong, sure hands scooped under his arm, pulling him backwards until he was seated on his calves. “No. You are going to go put some bloody trousers on, and I’m going to finish brushing my damn hair, and then we are going to go to the shops and make the people think that we are going to buy horribly expensive things, and then disappear when they turn around.”

It was a game they’d played since they were young. They’d go into the fanciest shops, and pretend to be really, truly interested in something unbelievably expensive, and then they’d duck out when the salesperson disappeared for a moment. It had only grown more entertaining as Dan gained fame — salespeople were suddenly much more inclined to think that two young kids were going to drop thousands of pounds.

Okay, so, they were dicks.

But at this point, their little game had resulted in Dan actually spending significant money before — the fucking two hundred pound McQueen sweatshirt he was currently wearing was proof of that. Karma had made him spend enough money that he didn’t feel too poorly about it.

“Fine, fine,” he grumbled, pushing himself to his feet. He held his hand out for his phone expectantly.

“Oh, no!” Adaline reprimanded. “You’ve lost the rights to having this alone. I’ll hold on to this from now on.”

“I know I should hate you for that, but I don’t,” Dan laughed, leaving Adaline’s room to finish getting dressed. Dating had never been Dan’s talent. Nor had controlling himself around Phil. And now that the two of those were coming together, he was a downright disaster. Really, it was for the best that Adaline was trying to instill some sense of control in him — hopefully he could make it last when she went home.

Back in his room, Dan pulled on his jeans for a second time, this time without the distraction of his bloody phone. He knew he’d probably tweet some picture today, since he was going out with Adaline, so he tried his best to tone down the deathly hungover look. He patted some eye cream under his eyes, and rubbed a dab of moistuizer into his face. It helped him look a little less dead, at least.

Dan was fiddling with his hair in his bathroom mirror when Adaline came prancing into his room. She hopped up on the counter, staring at him impatiently until Dan turned his attention to her.

“What?” he asked impatiently.

“Loverboy texted back,” she said with a smirk.

Dan let his forehead fall against the mirror, probably ruining the careful arrangement of his mop of curls, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “What did Phil say?”

“He’s cute, he likes you.”

Dan shot back, standing upright and staring at his sister. “Really? He wasn’t, like, totally freaked out?”

“No,” Addie giggled. “Here, you can read. Don’t press send on anything you type, though. I don’t trust you.”

Warily, Dan took the phone from her. Just because Addie was giggling about whatever Phil had said, did not mean that it was fine. She’d been known to take too much pleasure in his agony before. Gathering every ounce of courage he had, Dan tilted the screen to face him, reading the messages.

Phil [11:03am]: Yeah :)

Phil [11:05am]: So how are you dealing with your hangover?

Dan’s eyes flickered up to the time. 11:08. “Adaline!” He whacked her ankle. You let me stew in worry for five whole minutes?”

“Sorrrry, bro, I had things to do other than manage your love life.”

“That’s literally the whole reason you’re in town,” Dan deadpanned.

“Trust me, I remember.” Adaline rolled her eyes. “Now type something back so I can read over it first.”

Dan drew his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down with a bit more force than intended. He wanted to say something funny, something entertaining. After everything so far, he needed to not sound too desperate, but he didn’t want to sound aloof either. He typed and backspaced, typed and backspaced. Hopefully Phil didn’t have their conversation opened, because if so, he’d see how fucking long it was taking Dan to type an answer to what was frankly a very simple question. It took five tries, but he finally came up with a draft he was happy with. Dan passed his phone to his sister. She read it over, and pressed send for him.

Dan [11:12am]: i sent addie out for rations aka coffee and carbs and once that works its magic we are going to venture out in the world because i promised to do something fun with her today since she came all the way into the city

No point in pretending Adaline was here for anything else, now. Addie handed him his phone back, and Dan typed a second message. He turned the phone back to Adaline. “Flirty or too much?” Dan asked.

“Flirty, definitely.” Adaline nodded. “You can send that.”

Dan [11:13am]: what about you, old man?

Adaline jumped off the counter and headed for the door, taking Dan’s phone with her. “Now, stop obsessing over your hair and let’s go.”

Dan crinkled his nose at her and ran a pump of mousse into his hair, adding a hint of bounce to it, before calling it good and following Addie out of the room.

Adaline was waiting for him in the lounge, scrolling through her own phone.

“Took you long enough,” she said when he entered the room. “You took longer than me to get ready.”

“I’m still kind of hungover, leave me be,” Dan grumbled.

“Never. I’m gonna call us an uber since it’s cold as tits outside.” Adaline tapped around on her phone for a moment before looking back up. “Wait, should I have them drop us off at some uni first? So we can take a picture for mum or whatever?”

Dan shrugged. “Seems like a poor use of our time since I’m sure she’ll find out why you really came sooner or later.”

“True. Straight to the shops then!” Adaline chucked him his phone. “You got a call from a random number, btw. I took the liberty of ignoring it for you.”

“Definitely the right choice.” Dan unlocked his phone and, sure enough, there was a miss call — from the same phone number as earlier, weirdly. But still no voicemail. There was a text from Phil, too.

Phil [11:17am]: Unlike you, I don’t have anyone I can make bring me food, so I’m curled up in bed dying alone with Buffy.

Poor Phil, Dan thought. If Addie hadn’t already called the uber, Dan probably would have suggested that they bring Phil a surprise snack. But it was fine, hopefully Dan would have plenty of opportunities to spoil Phil in the future. He decided to ignore that part of the message, focusing on the other half of what Phil had said.

Dan [11:29am]: ...the vampire slayer or a secret girlfriend?

He was joking, mostly. He knew Phil wasn’t actually seeing anyone, but, well, a bit of reassurance was always nice.

Dan followed Adaline down to their car when it arrived, continuously checking his phone. She was texting someone too — which was probably something Dan should ask her about, now that his drama was dying down. But since she was wrapped up in her phone, Dan didn’t feel too bad about texting Phil for their whole car ride, and he figured he’d ask her about whoever she was talking to later.

Phil [11:32am]: The vampire slayer, obviously.

Dan [11:33am]: just checking how jealous i should be

Dan bit his lip; he hoped that was the right combination of flirty and jealous, and didn’t veer off into unjustly clingy territory. Phil responded quickly, though, easing his fears.

Phil [11:34am]: Well in that case, very. I used to have such a big crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Phil [11:34am]: But seriously, this show is amazing. I’ve seen it so many times.

Phil was cute. Dan adored the way that Phil loved things with all of his heart, they way he was so openly excited about the things he liked. Even when they were nerdy as all hell. It reminded Dan of himself. Once he’d gotten past the awkwardness of being a nerdy teenager, Dan had always tried to be unapologetic of who he was, and to not feel embarrassed about the things that he loved.

Dan [11:35am]: don’t hate me but i’ve never seen buffy

Phil [11:35am]: YOU WHAT???

Phil [11:36am]: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

Biting his lip, Dan held back a giggle at Phil’s outrage. The all-caps texting just made it all the more adorable. He didn’t need Adaline making fun of him, though, if she saw him laughing over a text.

Dan [11:37am]: sorry mate. i just never got around to it

As Dan sent the message, their uber came to a stop in front of their destination— which was apparently the Versace store. Of course, Adaline fucking would. Dan rolled his eyes. Apparently, Adaline was committed to their little game of window shopping today, and was determined to go big. Dan’s phone vibrated — Phil must have responded — but he ignored it and shoved it into his pocket instead, helping Addie out of the car and leading her to the entrance of the store.

They both riffled through the racks, each accumulating a small wardrobe of clothes to try on — including a studded knit top from the women’s department that Dan was pretty sure he’d end up buying. Now that he had money, he was complete shit at this game.

Dan waited until he was locked in his dressing room to look at what Phil had said.

Phil [11:39am]: When does Adaline leave? You’re coming over immediately and we are starting your Buffy education

An excuse to see Phil again outside of Beans and Grind — and so soon, too — was very welcomed, and Dan was glad that Phil seemed to see it that way, too. Did it come across as too eager if Dan tried to see Phil tomorrow? But Phil had said as soon as Adaline left, so maybe he was just as eager to see Dan.

Fuck it. Dan wanted to see Phil and he was complete shit at waiting.

Dan [12:16pm]: tomorrow afternoon

Sitting his phone down unlocked and face up on the bench, Dan shed his coat and pulled his sweatshirt over his head. He tugged on the women’s shirt he’d picked out, and appraised it in the mirror.

He liked it. He’d gotten a big enough size that it was fitted, but he didn’t think it was too tight, and he liked how the tiny silver metal studs popped against the black sweater.

“Oi, Addie, see what you think of this,” Dan called, popping out of his dressing room.

Adaline stuck her head out of her door, appraising Dan’s sweater. “I like it,” she complimented, sounding sincere.

“Yeah?” Dan fiddled with the hem. “It’s not too tight, right?”

“Definitely not, you look good in it. I’m sure someone would probably find it sexy if you wore it on a date.”

“Shut up,” Dan grumbled, he cheeks flushing. Secretly, he thought Phil might like him in it, too, but he felt embarrassed to be called out.

“You’re going to get it, aren’t you?” Adaline asked. Dan nodded. “God, you’ve turned so bougie,” she laughed.

“I’ve always had bougie taste, and you know it,” he shot back. It was true — their game of window shopping in expensive stores had started because Dan was obsessed with high end fashion from a young age.

“Doesn’t make it any less disgusting,” Adaline teased, ducking back into her room. Dan rolled his eyes and turned back to his own dressing room. When he got back inside, Dan saw that Phil had texted him back.

Phil [12:18pm]: I have a liveshow tomorrow night and I really shouldn’t cancel it :(

Oh. That sucked. Even though Dan had just seen Phil last night, Dan had been excited that he might get to see Phil again tomorrow night.

Dan bit his lip, trying to think of a way they might salvage the night somehow. After all, he only had two weeks left before he left for Germany for his concert, and he really wanted to soak up as much Phil time as he could.

Dan [12:26pm]: i could still come over and just fuck off while you do your live show

Fuck, did that sound too clingy? Was it too weird of a suggestion? Dan quickly tacked on another message, hoping to make it seem less odd.

Dan [12:26pm]: if that wouldn’t be weird

Dan’s heart pounded as he waited for a response. The three dots felt mocking as they flashed across his screen.

What felt like years later, Phil’s reply showed up.

Phil [12:27pm]: Not weird. You could just watch an episode without me?

Thank fuck. Frankly, Dan probably would have watched paint dry while Phil did his liveshow if that meant still seeing him tomorrow. He grinned as he went to type another reply.

Dan [12:29pm]: deal. i’ll text you after i’ve dropped addie off at the train station?

Phil responded almost instantly, which Dan hoped was a sign that he was just as eager to see Dan as Dan was to see Phil.

Phil [12:30pm]: Perfect :)

The shop clerk didn’t love the fact that they were only buying one sweater, even though they must have tried on thirty things between them. Dan felt bad, just for a second, until the clerk made a comment about how the sweater Dan was buying was a woman’s sweater. That sure made all of the guilt vanish from Dan’s conscious. In fact, he wished he’d made more of a mess of the fitting room. Whatever. People sucked.

After Versace, Dan and Adaline continued their pilgrimage down the street of high end fashion shops, ducking in a store every time they got cold or something caught their eye. A few stores, and hours, later, they were in Michael Kors. Dan wasn’t trying anything on — it was all a bit preppy for his taste — but Adaline had taken nearly half the store into a dressing room with her. Dan sat on a bench outside her room, critiquing every outfit she tried on. Near the end of her mini fashion show, she came out in a chic blue leather jacket that looks fantastic on her.

“You’re getting that,” Dan said instantly. “You need something cool to wear to the concert.”

“Lol, with what money, you dumbass?” Adaline deadpanned, rolling her eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’s like five hundred pounds.”

“Give it to me. I’m getting it for you as a belated birthday present.”

“Dan, you’re already taking me to Germany for my birthday!” Adaline rebutted, eyes wide.

“A gift that cost me precisely zero pounds. Give me.” Dan held his hand out expectantly for the jacket.

“You’re a piece of work,” Adaline grumbled, shrugging out of the jacket and handing it to him. “But thank you.” She flashed him a small smile. She may mock him for having bougie taste, but when it came down to it, she did too.

“Meet me by the tills when you’re done.”

After Dan paid for the jacket, he busied himself at the jewelry case while he waited for Adaline, looking at the watches for lack of anything better to do. Since Dan had just dropped a rather large sum on a jacket, the salesman was attentively eyeing Dan, probably hoping to make another large sale.

It was making Dan a bit uncomfortable. He had no intentions of buying anything else here — he hadn’t even planned to buy this jacket. The attentive gaze left him feeling like a circus animal being demanded to perform.

Fortunately, Adaline came to Dan’s rescue just as the salesman wandered over. Dan shoved the bag at her, pushing her out of the store by her shoulders.

“What’s the rush?” Adaline mumbled.

“That salesperson looks out for blood,” Dan whispered. He felt Adaline try to twist around to look, but he tightened his grip on her, steering her out of the door.

They’d only made it a few steps out of the store when Dan’s phone started vibrating again. Assuming it was another text from Phil, Dan had planned to ignore it - but then he realized that the vibration wasn’t stopping. That had to mean he was getting a phone call.

Digging his phone out of his pocket, Dan brought Adaline to a halt on the street, and glanced at the screen to find out who was calling him. Only, when he checked the caller ID, it was she same random London number that had been calling him since yesterday.

“Who the fuck is this?” Dan muttered, growing frustrated with the sheer amount of phone calls. With a burst of extroversion that Dan didn’t realize he had, he pressed accept. “Hello?”

“Hi Danny,” a honeyed voice replied.

Dan’s blood ran ice cold, body frozen. Fuck. Whatever he was expecting, this wasn’t it.

“Isabella,” He replied, the shock of hearing her voice had frozen him in place.

Adaline’s head whipped around to face him — apparently she was equally surprised to hear who was on the phone.

“Hang up,” Adaline commanded.

“What the fuck do you want?” Dan demanded instead.

“I don’t like how things ended between us, baby.” Isabella said sweetly, too sweetly. “I think we can fix this.”

Was she fucking serious? She’d cheated on him — multiple times, nonetheless — and for some ludicrous reason, she thought any type of relationship with Dan was salvageable?

“Really? Because I fucking loved finding out you’re a cheating whore!” Dan replied, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“It was a mistake, cariño. I feel so awful about it. I want to make it up to you.” Her voice was still too sweet — there was no sincerity to it.

“I know how you can make it up to me.”

“How? Anything for you, Danny.” Dan closed his eyes, cringing at the nickname. He could practically see her batting her eyes at him, could practically feel her fingers running down his arm.

“Fuck off Isabella,” Dan snapped.

“That’s not what I —”

Dan didn’t give her the chance to finish her sentence, though. Yanking the phone away from his ear, Dan took Adaline’s advice and ended the call.

“What the hell was that?” Adaline asked, eyebrows raised expectantly.

“I think she wanted to try to get back together,” Dan replied, perplexed, staring blankly at his screen. Her number was right there at the top of his call log, a heavy weight in his hands.

“Give me your phone,” Adaline ordered. Without thinking it through, Dan handed it over. He didn’t want it anyway.

“Wait, what are you doing?” He asked once he processed what was happening.

“Blocking her fucking number, obviously.”

For a fleeting second, Dan wondered if that was smart — if it was smart to completely block her out, to entirely burn the bridge between them. But then again, why the fuck would he ever want to talk to her again?

“Good,” Dan mumbled. And then again, more surely, “Good.”

[[next chapter]]

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #ly #love yourself #iminclinedtowriting #barista!phil #singer!dan #phan au #au #coffee shop au

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friendship-anarchy-blog · 5 years

Text

We Gather (Capital) To Scatter (Our Members): on #lonsileaks and #sociospeaks

The last week has been a mess with a nice scoop of ice cream on top for the University of the Philippines. That scoop of ice cream, of course, is the University’s first chance at the men’s basketball championship in 32 years.

But I’m not here to talk about that. I want the mess, because that’s more interesting than screaming at dudes throwing balls.

On the 14th of November, a frankly pathetic brawl caught on CCTV followed by a shooting incident occurred within campus grounds between Alpha Phi Beta and Upsilon Sigma Phi. After a lull in any kind of reporting about it, clashing accounts from eyewitnesses and the fraternities involved (of course), and basically nothing else done regarding campus security apart from the momentary closing of the school gate near the gun fire, the issue was (barely) tackled briefly in a statement by the University of the Philippines-Diliman’s Chancellor Mike Tan. In it, he lightly acknowledges the fraternity-related violence that occurred, glazing over all other ideas of condemnation by saying that on the same day of the gun incident, the UP men’s basketball team won a game, which “would not have been possible without the widespread support of … an alumni group where Upsilon Sigma Phi, Alpha Phi Beta and all the other fraternities … have been key players”.

A week later, on the 21st of November, a rogue—well, someone—took to Twitter with the aid of a Google Drive to release the entirety of a Facebook group chat from Batch 2017 of Upsilon that consists of over 40,000 messages. This event is what is now known as #LonsiLeaks—which I guess is made to sound like Watergate but with college boys instead. The messages in this group chat contained comments, “jokes”, and other kinds of uses of words of the most horrid, disgusting, inhumane thoughts and beliefs.

Misogyny? Check.

Homophobia and LGBT+ harassment? Check.

Belittling of the social sciences? Check.

Marcos apologism? Check.

Racism? Check.

Islamophobia? Check.

Support of massacres and genocide? Check.

Threats of violence and harm? Check.

Flaunting of control of seats of power and authority? Check.

You name it, Upsilon’s got it.

The backlash was, understandably, immense. Nearly every day since the exposé, a new statement from a different university organization, college student council, or department is released. Calls ranged from the unanimous hashtag #EndFRV; to general sentiments on ending impunity; to the more fearless demands for the President of the UP System, Danilo Concepcion, and the Executive Vice President, Ted Herbosa, to resign. The aforementioned men occupying the highest positions of the most notorious University are, unfortunately, members of Upsilon.

The best and most constructive responses have come from the faculties of departments that have been staunchly against the presence of elitism, violence and misogyny especially in the community. My personal favorite—and my obvious bias as a graduate of it—is that of the Department of Sociology, which was directly lambasted in the group chat of Upsilon. The Department has started a series of teach-ins called Fraternities and Society, discussing the social causes and consequences of fraternity violence. The speakers are all members of the faculty, experts on education, Marxism, social organization, gender, feminism, and even, most fittingly, fraternities.

Here was a small community of professors, intellectuals, researchers, and activists making a stand against a group of snotty rich boys protected by snobby powerful men, vicious and arrogant and disrespectful of women, LGBT+, indigenous peoples, non-Catholic religions and anything else that isn’t like them. And they were making a stand the way they knew best—through in-depth, open, informal, non-hierarchic education that uses sharp structural analysis.

The 29th of November saw the first of these sessions. I sat with other students and professors on the floor of our college’s spacious lobby, greeting friends and former teachers while I caught my breath from running straight out of work. With nothing else but a Facebook event page on such short notice, the teach-in attracted more than 40 people sitting or standing on that cold tiled floor, listening to Gerry Lanuza cite Freud, Engels and Deleuze and Guattari off the top of his head to explain misogyny and the capitalist heteropatriarchy.

But I’ll have to gloss over all that to jump to the most interesting concept I learned that night. It came from Andoy Evangelista as he talked about the nuances of the “backwards vs. modern” debate in conversations of progress and development. He mentioned it merely in passing, but he explained that homonationalism is the Empire’s (or the West’s) use of LGBT+ rights and women’s rights as a measure or standard of modernism. In my understanding, it was sort of a liberal-democratic thing, where you include people as tokens of identity politics rather than actually incorporating the necessary and contextually-appropriate changes in fundamental ways of living and organizing life and society to recognize, acknowledge, and respect the diversity of human life.

It was such a good point to discuss in the context of fraternities, the patriarchy, and the Classic Woke Ass Non-Upsilonian U.P. Student, as homonationalism is a slippery slope a truly radical and progressive person would have to be mindful of if they wanted to genuinely change things. It’s a reminder that there are historical, cultural, and colonial nuances that need to be kept in mind when we talk about radical change in a country as steeped in colonial mentality and fake measures of progress like the Philippines. Maybe we can start by checking the words we use when we argue for LGBT+ and women’s rights, by being wary of the comparisons we do and the benchmarks we set for ourselves in achieving culturally- and contextually-appropriate development. The West isn’t the one and only example of progress, unlike what white feminism wants us to believe.

Another thing to watch out for is homonationalism’s unfortunate use as a false sign of alllyship by people who aren’t really allies. For one, most organizations’ responses to the #LonsiLeaks issue was to disavow the blatant misogyny, LGBT+phobia, Islamophobia, racism, and many other things wrong with that one group chat. And there’s nothing wrong with that, especially if values protecting diversity are what they really stand for. But Upsilon and its members started doing the same thing, crafting and posting statements claiming to simultaneously Wake Up Furious upon seeing the leaked messages. The fraternity and its many mouthpieces all said that everything in the chat was not in line with what they believe in and fight for, claiming to have worked hard to build safe spaces for the abovementioned sectors in the University.

I call bullshit on that.

I call bullshit on Upsilon’s statement because these stupid privileged boys could have only had the courage and platform to say the vilest things in an environment that made them see, feel, think, and believe that saying the vilest things does not have repercussions—and even if it did, there was someone to save you from the consequences anyway.

I call bullshit because Upsilon has existed for 100 years and you can’t tell me that in those 100 years, a group comprised exclusively of well-off men has not and has never produced and reproduced a culture of belittling and disrespect, of misogyny and violence, of secrecy and non-accountability.

I call bullshit because I have been privy to men’s conversations—men who aren’t even in fraternities—and the things they say in the comfort and confidence of people they know they can trust (i.e. Will not judge them, will laugh along with them, will not question them, will not point out that this is wrong, wrong, wrong) is nothing short of hair-raising, stomach-churning, nausea-inducing.

My friend told me that he has a theory about Upsilon, and frats in general. Upsilon’s motto is we gather light to scatter, and he told me that he believes that fraternities serve no other purpose than to keep pooling and collecting capital. For Upsilon, he says that light means the capital that they collect: money, power, connections.

He didn’t at first get to make the necessary connection as to what they were scattering, so I answered for him: “Their members.”

Upsilon, and all fraternities by extension, scatters its members. It plants them like seeds so it can further its control and capital, broaden itself and find an in for any industry and aspect of society that can be influenced.

Frankly, I don’t see them serving any other purpose myself.

Honestly, any way I look at it, fraternities are just unnecessary as a social organization. The only thing they offer people is upwards mobility for middle-upper class men, one foot in the door of wealth and power in the form of this “brotherhood”—a network of people who have become embedded in the various seats of power in the country.

I’m still trying to understand the reasons many have used to justify the existence and utilization of frats.

Belongingness and community? Colleges and universities have orgs that address all sorts of interests and advocacies. Or literally any other kinship ties.

Brotherhood? Literally, friends—and friends won’t make you dehumanize yourself or run to and fro just to prove you’re “loyal” to them. And inb4 “Iba kasi ang brotherhood ng frat (The brotherhood of fraternities is different)!”: if you’re looking for That Kind of Brotherhood™, you’re probably already incubating toxic notions and ideas of masculinity.

To help others? But there are so many other means to do that without needing to join frats. I really don’t get this.

A rite of passage? I actually don’t know what for, and what kind of difference going through the rite of passage of joining a frat would make.

Personal development? Jesus, I’m pretty sure you can get this in any other aspect of your life from any kind of organization or responsibility.

I really cannot think of anything else fraternities can offer aside from wealth, power and opportunities. I’m not an expert on fraternities, so I won’t deny I may be missing some things here, but personally as someone who has more than just dabbled with the topics of institutions and organizations for research, and as someone who has a handful of great, trustworthy, dependable, ambitious men in my circles who have no involvements with fraternities at all, I see fraternities only as a necessity in a country so corrupt and backwards that we still need to rely on the padrino system to get anywhere at all.

So maybe let me rephrase what I said a while ago: any way I look at it, in a society that aspires to be progressive, equal, and truly radical, fraternities are just unnecessary as a social organization.

-Adrienne Onday

#homonationalism #sociology #upsilon #lonsileaks #fraternities #frats #university of the philippines #up diliman #society #fraternities and society #misogyny #feminism #racism #islamophobia #homophobia #violence

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whatstheproblembaby · 6 years

Text

Fic: Awareness

Because the Kevarchie wrestling stuff broke me and @knightsofthegaytable is a filthy enabler.

~1850 words, PGish.

A warm hand slipping into his made Archie stop in the middle of the school hallway.

“Archiekins, I need to talk to you,” said Veronica, looking uncharacteristically nervous. “Come here.”

She pulled him into the empty student lounge.

“What’s up?” Archie asked, adjusting his gym bag. “I’m supposed to meet Kevin-”

“I know,” Veronica said. “This will only take a sec, and you really need to hear it before you go practice with Kevin anyway.”

Archie just tilted his head, prompting her to go on.

“My dad...my dad said we need to break up until you make the wrestling team,” Veronica said, staring down at the floor. “I knew he wasn’t quite sold on you yet, but I didn’t realize how much. He said he wants you to prove you’re worthy of me, which is ridiculous, but….”

“Wait, what?” Archie said. “Veronica, that’s crazy!”

“I know, and you know I wouldn’t just agree to something this...medieval,” Veronica said. She paused, looking up into Archie’s eyes. “But then Daddy said he’d take back the angel donation for your father’s medical bills if I didn’t cooperate. I don’t know if that’s normally possible-”

“But when your father is the richest man in Riverdale, things can happen,” Archie finished. “I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand.”

“I’m sorry, Archiekins.”

“It’s not your fault,” Archie said, pulling Veronica into a hug. “But I guess I need to tell Kevin not to go easy on me now.”

“Like he would have in the first place,” Veronica teased.

They left the lounge and walked together until they reached the hall where Archie would turn toward the gym while Veronica walked to the parking lot.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

Archie walked the rest of the way in silence, processing everything Veronica had just told him as he changed in the locker room. He had just entered the gym and tossed his bag on the bleachers when Kevin arrived.

“Hey, Arch! Something wrong?”

“What? No, why?” Archie lied, hoping to deflect Kevin’s attention.

“Because you look like Troy Bolton before he realized people could do both sports and theater,” Kevin said, setting his bag next to Archie’s. “Do you need a minute to dance around the gym while singing an angsty ballad, or…?”

“No, I’ll be okay,” Archie said, huffing out a reluctant laugh. “I just...Veronica’s dad told her she had to break up with me until I make the wrestling team, so that’s not weighing down on me or anything.”

“What? That’s a little extreme, even for the Lodges,” Kevin said, aghast.

“You’re telling me. Think you can coach me well enough to meet my girlfriend’s dad’s impossibly high standards?”

“Archie, I beat Greendale’s best wrestler last year, and he trains with an Olympic coach,” Kevin said, cocking an eyebrow. “I can help you win Daddy Lodge’s approval.”

“Oh, really?” Archie said, smirking. “Show me what you got.”

“Just remember, you asked for this.” Kevin walked to the center of the mat, motioning for Archie to follow. He dropped to all fours, saying, “Get on top of me.”

Archie had to bite his lip viciously to keep from making an inappropriate remark. He knelt over Kevin, already tensing up as he remembered getting flipped into the mat the other day.

“Hey, relax,” Kevin said. “I’ll go easier on you this time.”

“No, don’t,” Archie said. ‘I’ll never learn if you hold back.”

“Okay,” Kevin said skeptically. “Then get ready.”

“Wh- oof.”

Archie’s breath rushed out of him all at once as Kevin pinned him easily to the mat. His eyes locked with Kevin’s light green ones as he reoriented himself, and the playful yet kind look there made Archie lose what little air he’d regained.

“Archie?”

“Took me by surprise, that’s all,” Archie said, a bit unsteadily. “Again.”

They reset themselves to their original position, which Archie had to fight hard not to think of as an embrace. Once again, he was flipped to the ground.

“Careful. If you keep this up, I’m gonna start thinking you just like being on the bottom,” Kevin said wickedly.

“Maybe I do,” Archie said unthinkingly.

Kevin’s jaw dropped as he turned an interesting shade of red.

“Uh. I mean...what’s next?” Archie said, feeling his own face flame.

“Um, bear hugs,” Kevin said, shaking his head once before pushing himself to his feet. He offered Archie a hand up, which Archie took gratefully.

“Is that really the name?”

“Well, some people call it a bodylock, but yeah, bear hug is used too,” Kevin said. “Basically, it’s when one wrestler pins the other’s arms down before picking them up and slamming them both to the ground. Done right, it’s a pretty quick way to take someone down.”

“If you can even get behind them in the first place,” Archie noted.

“You’re pretty fast from all the running you did from football and basketball,” Kevin said. “You might just be able to pull it off. Now come on, get behind me.”

“Wait, I’m doing the bear hugging?”

“I can slam you to the ground again if you’d really like, but I thought you might want a turn,” Kevin teased. “You won’t hurt me, I promise.”

Archie took his place behind Kevin, trying not to note how neatly their bodies fit together as they pressed close.

“Alright, now pin my arms.”

“Okay,” Archie said. He took a deep breath before wrapping his arms around Kevin’s chest as clinically as he could.

“Archie. A toddler could break out of this hold,” Kevin said, turning his head enough that Archie could see him raise an eyebrow judgmentally.

Archie tightened his grip, thinking, This is just a wrestling move between friends. It means nothing, it means nothing, it means-

“Lift and drop!”

“Ahhh!” Archie yelled, following through on autopilot. When his head cleared, he had his torso free and one leg wrapped around Kevin’s back, pinning Kevin to the ground without impeding his own mobility.

“And in a real match, you’d use your upper body to pin the rest of me and win,” Kevin said, smiling. “Nice work, Arch!”

“You mean, like this?” Archie said, pivoting to hold both of Kevin’s arms down while moving his leg lower down Kevin’s body. Their eyes met again across the scant distance between them.

So green, I didn’t know people could have eyes like-

“Yeah, exactly,” Kevin said thickly. His glance darted to Archie’s lips, and for a moment Archie was tempted to lower his head, but a door slamming in the locker room startled them both apart.

“Again?” Archie asked, stepping back and helping Kevin up the way Kevin had helped him earlier.

“Again.”

_________________________

Three days later, Archie was a wreck. He’d spent every afternoon that week practicing with Kevin, and he couldn’t keep himself from being more and more attuned to Kevin’s body as they grappled and sparred.

“God, what am I gonna do this afternoon at the tryouts?” Archie mumbled, tipping his head against the shelf in his locker.

“Can we talk, Ron Weasley?” Cheryl asked, clamping her hand around his arm. When he didn’t resist, she dragged him off to the music room. “Great, I’ll cut right to it: what is up with you and our resident hot nerd Kevin Keller?”

“I don’t know what you mea-”

“Oh, please,” Cheryl said, holding up a hand to stop him. “I saw you and him at Pop’s the other day. Your eyes had practically turned into cartoon hearts, and when he walked up to the counter to pay, I know you checked out his ass. Explain.”

“He’s been helping me with my wrestling all week, so we’ve ended up at Pop’s a lot afterwards to refuel,” Archie said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “And one night we decided to go back to his house and watch a movie. Typical bro stuff. Except….”

“Except?” Cheryl asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Except when the movie ended, I wanted to kiss him good night, which isn’t a thing that happens when Jughead and I hang out,” Archie admitted. “And I’m more aware of him physically than ever before, which probably isn’t super weird when you consider that we’ve been wrestling, but it also makes me want to touch him when we’re not wrestling. Like, I almost put my arm over his shoulders in the hall yesterday before I remembered that isn’t a platonic thing for most guys.”

“Oh my God. You’re in love with him.”

“What? No! It’s way too early for that,” Archie said. “But...I might like him as more than a friend. Ugh!”

“If you’re about to make some comment full of internalized homophobia, I’m going to have to-”

“No, Cheryl, that’s not the problem,” Archie interrupted. “Like, yeah, I’m surprised to have these feelings, but I don’t hate that I have them. I just don’t know what to do about the tryouts this afternoon. I’m supposed to wrestle Kevin, but I don’t know if I can keep touching him when I have a - a crush, and he doesn’t. It feels wrong.”

“Who says he doesn’t?” Cheryl asked. “Again, I saw you at Pop’s. You may have been staring at him like a lovesick fool - but he was staring right back.”

“Wh - no. You’re messing with me.”

“Archie. I know I don’t do a lot of things out of the goodness of my heart, but I wouldn’t lie about this. Even if that scumbug hadn’t tried to rape me, I wouldn’t encourage any unwanted advances on other people. I have some decency.”

“You have plenty of decency, Cheryl,” Archie said, head spinning. He hadn’t considered that maybe Kevin could - that he did - “You swear he was looking the same way at me?”

“On JJ’s grave.”

“I’ve gotta go.”

Archie barely heard Cheryl call “Toodles!” as he hustled away. He changed as quickly as he could in the locker room before bursting into the gym, where the rest of the hopefuls were already assembled.

“Finally,” the coach called. “Last one in goes first, Andrews, so take the mat.”

“Yes, sir.” Archie walked to the center of the room, unable to keep from smiling when Kevin met up with him.

“You ready?” Kevin asked, returning Archie’s grin.

“Absolutely.”

Archie waited for Kevin to get down, then took his accustomed place on top of him. When the whistle blew, he got pinned yet again.

“Archie, we practiced this,” Kevin whispered. “You know how to evade me.”

“Yes, but being pinned down gives me better leverage to do this,” Archie said as he leaned up and planted a solid kiss on Kevin’s mouth.

Kevin’s mouth went slack beneath Archie’s for a heart-stopping moment, but he quickly recovered and began kissing back, making Archie’s brain completely short-circuit.

When they came up for air, Archie took his chance, flipping and pinning Kevin to the mat.

“Sneaky,” Kevin gasped, smiling. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Oh, there’s a lot you don’t know about me, Kev.”

“Think I’ll get the chance to find out more? Say, at Pop’s later?”

“I’d say the odds are pretty good.”

#kevarchie #riverdale #knightsofthegaytable #autisticbarryhallen #jen does words #g: fluff

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