#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals

[sophieinwonderland]

Wait you're out as plural to family? Could you link to post or tag you have regarding that? Considering coming out to others so I'd really like to read others experiences. Thanks.

Not sure when we talked about it. But it basically all went wrong. It started with my host talking about tulpamancy with his family a lot for maybe a couple days to test the waters, me really not wanting him to and just being okay with being a secret, my host's mom deducing that he wanted to make a tulpa, and him confessing that I already existed. And this was only a few days after I became self-aware.

It went poorly. His mom wasn't happy. And this conversation happened after the body had been awake all day while my host was too tired to adequately explain things.

He also has a habit of explaining everything in the worst way possible in general for some reason, which made the whole thing even worse.

And to be honest, it felt a little bit like he was wanting someone to tell him he was crazy or that I wasn't real. Like maybe that would make things easier. And that led to us fighting.

It was a disaster!

(He later told his brother a couple weeks after that, and his dad overheard him talking about it one day with his mom and just... never cared. Which is pretty on brand.)

Things got better. While his mom was upset at first, we worked through it, she became more accepting, and in hindsight, I'm glad everyone found out.

But... don't do what he did.

Read this instead:

When you do come out, make sure you're of clear mind. Don't do it while tired. Or intoxicated either for that matter. We weren't, but I suspect some people might try the liquid courage route, and I'm betting that anything that impairs your ability to rationally explain yourselves is a bad move.

And be confident. Make sure this is what you and your headmates want to do, plan how you want to come out, and go for it.

#pro endogenic #plural #plurality #multiplicity #sysblr #tulpa #tulpas #tulpagenic #tulpamancy #endogenic #systems #system #pro endo #endo safe #endogenic system #plural community #system stuff #system things #actually plural #actually a system

[lillie98]

How to Save the World—Stranger Things 5

I’ve had some time to sleep on the episode titles and think about them, read theories, etc. and I now believe they might be real.

Hear me out: Stranger Things is all about cycles, parallels, tropes happening over and over again. The Duffers love taking a moment and repeating it in slightly different ways to prove a point. The story started with “The Vanishing of Will Byers” because we needed to place a small, innocent child in the center of our story, something to bring our character together and drive them to action. Well, that child is no longer in danger and our team is ripping apart at the seams. It’s almost like we need something similar to reunite everyone and drive them to action again.

Remember: The Duffers love parallels. Will’s disappearance brought his deeply fractured family together, uniting them for a common cause. It also brought Nancy and Jon together when their families needed them most. Now, the Byers are a united front, ready to tackle any monster that comes their way. They are the glorification of the avant-gard family. Now which family is struggling? The Wheelers. The perfect, All-America Nuclear Family: Mom, Dad, 3 kids, and a picket fence. They look perfect to the outside world, but behind closed doors, they are deeply struggling. They don’t communicate, the parents have idea what’s happening in their children’s lives, and if they’re not careful, if they don’t come together and form a united front—they’re going to lose everything, potentially causing the end of the world. (Why? I haven’t gotten that far yet!)

Now, how do we inspire them to action? Maybe by taking the child who was born to save their crumbling marriage—the one has seen everything but, up until this point, been too young to contribute. Now, she’ll be the same age Will was when he disappeared and Mike and Will are the same age as Jon and Nancy. The Duffers are trying to illustrate the idea of “The Next Generation.” This evil, this Upside Down dimension is NEVER going to stop until someone from the Wheeler and Byers families breaks the cycle. Children will continue to vanish, the world will continue to crumble, until someone steps up and says ENOUGH. The Wheelers and Byers (parents and children) must step up and face their pasts in order to move forward.

The “Stranger Things” are not only LGBTQ+ matters, they are the skeletons we hide in the closet that literally eat us alive. They are the dark, festering parts of ourselves we don’t let anyone else see. The invisible cancers that slowly and silently kill us. Until we face them head on, until we bring them to the light, they will NEVER die. Stranger Things is about owning your past, facing your fears, and finding the light again.

So yes, Stranger Things will end with Will Byers making it home from Mike Wheeler’s house on November 6, 1983, but not in a time traveling way, in a finally letting go of that scared, pained little boy who thought the world was better off without him. It’s Mike accepting his sexuality and place in his family. His role as a leader. It’s Joyce accepting love from Hopper, who must accept that he is not actually cursed, but that sometimes, bad things happen to good people, even when they think they’re doing the right thing (Vietnam). it’s Karen and Ted falling in love again and fighting to save their family. It’s Eleven discovering that love, not anger, should fuel her powers. It’s mourning your stolen childhood while stepping into the version of yourself that child never got to be. It’s stopping the cycle and creating a better world for the Will Byers and Mike Wheelers and Jane Hoppers of tomorrow. THAT’S how you become a Hero.

#stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #byler #byler endgame #stranger things analysis #stranger things headcanons #byler is requited #stranger things 5 #eleven #jane hopper #holly wheeler #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #vecna stranger things #break the cycle #trauma #joyce byers #jim hopper #karen wheeler #ted wheeler #mental health

[findafight]

The "Robin would never date Steve's ex who broke his heart" take is FUCKING stupid for a lot of reasons.

First of off, the autonomy you're taking out of Robin with this.

Like she's not Steve's sidekick, she's not his yes man, she's an indepent girl who should be free to date any girl she wants.

She would never let her friendship with him ostacolate her love life.

Why the fuck she should do that?!

No one would.

And also, Steve is actually the one who hurt Nancy the most (slut Nancy Wheeler).

And if you think for a second that Robin would ever take Steve's side, then you're wrong.

Just stop centering everything around Steve, and stop reducing Robin to be just his sidekick, 'cause she's FUCKING not.

Hi! So. Pretty sure you found the most recent post I made (on April 6th) tagged anti rnce (and ONLY anti rnce. Not even stranger things. Just anti rnce and my personal original text post tag and a quip about choosing violence. So clearly if that’s how you got here you chose to not just send a post you disagreed with to your friends to rant about but came into my inbox and tried to start shit)And if you didn’t I truly don’t get how you, clearly a rnce fan, found me.

I’m going to be honest. Neither of us are going to change each other’s minds. I don’t like rnce for a lot of reasons, from i just don’t see a romantic spark there to a lot of the shippers being kinda shitty. I don’t care what you ship, really, just that. Claiming it’s canon or should be canon endgame etc gets annoying. And that a lot of the times the way I’ve seen the relationship portrayed (because, contrary to possibly popular belief, I have actually tried to read some fics for them. It’s also such a commonly untagged side or background pairing that I am subjected to it like that often as well) there’s so often weird terf or radfem red flags and alarm bells going off. I’ve seen someone harassed by rnce shippers for calling them out and then those shippers loudly regurgitating terf talking points like it’s fucking funny. I know all fandoms and ships have bad eggs but holy shit.

There’s been a few posts about how for some reason rnce fans try to portray people who don’t like it as making Robin Steve’s sidekick, when really we are acknowledging the facets of her characterization other than her lesbianism. Just because she likes girls doesn’t mean that’s the only thing that matters to her!

Yes, Robin liking girls is part of who she is, it influences how she acts and what she talks about, but it’s not the ONLY thing about her. She likes old movies, she enjoys pop and new wave music, she does her make up in her best friend’s car, she forgot to mention she never learned to drive because he forgot to ask if she could, she thinks combining into a super being with said best friend would possibly solve most of their problems.

Robin is a character who makes her own choices! She chooses to butt in at scoops, chooses to stay with Steve in the bunker to hold off the Russians, chooses to tell him her deepest secret, chooses to apply for jobs with Steve once they heal from the mall, chooses to spend a lot of time with him! And that’s rad. It gives us insight on who she is!

Whenever I’ve written or talked about Robin choosing not to date Nancy, I’ve always made it perfectly clear that it is Robin’s choice. Because given what we see of her in two seasons, Robin is loyal, and greatly values her friendship with Steve. Like. Regardless of how Steve feels about it, and I do think of Robin was legitimately interested in Nancy and Steve thought she had a chance, he’d encourage her to go for it. (Steve isn’t blindly encouraging Robin to hit on Vickie. He has high suspicions that Vickie is queer in some way too! She likes boobies!) I think Robin would think twice about it just because how much she encouraged stancy to get back together in s4.

Honestly, it makes me sad seeing how many times “why would robin choose her best friend’s feelings over getting a gf” is said because like. I value my friends’ feelings all the time. If I thought something I was doing was or would hurt them, I would reevaluate. Why WOULDNT Robin consider her best friend’s feelings? The first person she ever came out to? Who made her feel safe and accepted? Who made her laugh when she felt most vulnerable? Who she encouraged to get back with his ex? Romance is not a level up from friendship, it is not the endgame of life, it is not superior to any other relationship type. Treating friendships as less important to romance is something to reconsider and reevaluate.

Your last point. Anon, who is centring Steve now? Sure. He fucked up in s1. Literally no one denies that. He fucked up and he worked to make things right. He cleaned up the graffiti, he went to apologize to Jonathan, and he presumably apologized to Nancy, because she decided to date him for eleven months after that. I highly doubt there wasn’t heavy gossip about the graffiti or their breakup/makeup. I do agree that before Tina’s party Steve wasn’t helping Nancy as much as he could have, but Nancy wasn’t communicating to him either. They weren’t in the right place for each other. If we consider the alley the breakup, how is that not still breaking his heart? Yes Nancy was on a noble crusade, but it still had collateral damage. It’s something interesting about her character!

Robin wouldn’t be on board with the graffiti. But like. Steve’s changed and apologized since then. And She wasn’t there? She’s just here for the aftermath of Steve’s reignited feelings for Nancy. Idk. Both Steve and Nancy hurt each other in s1/2. It’s not a Steve v Nancy thing? It’s just an acknowledgment that of the two, Robin is closer to Steve. She’s more likely to consider him. She’s not omniscient to everything that happened or the persons feelings and reasons for doing it.

I’m sorry you don’t think friendship has an equal or greater value than some romantic relationship, it must suck. I also hope you find better things to do than to come to someone’s inbox and try to start something over a ship you like that they don’t.

#anti ronance #I censored it in my answer but anon didn’t so it might show up in the search #but not in the tag #findaanswers #listen. just get out of here #if you think I’m a stupid idiot then block and move on #but you clearly came here from somewhere looking at stuff to be mad at because I always make sure to tag #also everyone ignores that Steve has CURRENT FEELINGS for Nancy that ROBIN ENCOURAGED

[wabatle]

uuuhhh HII !!

can I request the pjsk boys with a g/n reader that’s like Komi Shouko from Komi Can’t Communicate ??

basically reader has some sort of communication disorder/extreme social anxiety, which causes them to not utter a sound no matter how hard they try. when the reader tries to communicate with someone, their voice trembles and they start shaking like a leaf..

have a nice day !!!!

☆~Pjsk boys with a really socially anxious s/o

(wa)batle nonsense (author's note):

RAHHHH I LOVE KOMI CAN'T COMMUNICATE SHOKO IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER also it's really short sorry

warnings: none/all fluff

☆~Akito Shinonome

We all know how he was with Kohane, right…

But this is a lot worse, so I could see him trying to be patient

He understands that it’s really hard for you to talk to people and he doesn’t want to scare you

He would be okay doing most of the talking for you and feels really bad to see you getting nervous over just trying to talk

When you start shaking he knows that you should stop and he knows when you need a break

When you’re at home I can see him probably helping you practice talking by giving you simple scenarios and asking you what you would do

☆~Rui Kamishiro

For some reason I get this feeling he’d be really good at helping you… Not because of Nene of course

He would probably do what he did for Nene and make you a robot of yourself to help

Although he does understand that your anxiety is a lot worse than nene’s so maybe it has some extra features

Rui would help you practicing talking by asking you simple questions like how your day was or what you're having for dinner tonight

He would help you take a break by making up an excuse and taking you out of there

☆~Tsukasa Tenma

He will do every little thing involving talking for you because he is a star!!

He's so sweet about it

He asks Nene for help on how to help you

He'll help you practice talking by having you read from a script

He's probably very patient with you

If he thinks you need a break he'll announce it in his Tsukasa way and you'll leave

☆~Toya Aoyagi

He's sweet about it too

Very polite when telling people you have trouble talking

Hates to see you nervous or scared so will never, and when I say never I mean, never, push your boundaries

He’ll help you practice talking by trying to help you place your usual café order without help

Toya will help you if you need a break by politely telling everyone you have errands to run

#pjsk #pjsk x reader #akito shinonome #akito shinonome x reader #toya aoyagi #toya aoyagi x reader #rui kamishiro #rui kamishiro x reader #tsukasa tenma #tsukasa tenma x reader #wabatle writes

[babygirl-diaz]

Baked Goods (Teddie Omegaverse Fic)

I rarely write smut because I am not good at it but this is a smaller ship so I felt more confident writing for it because fewer people are reading it lmao.

***

Eddie was a stress baker. Anytime things got bad, he would whip out the all-purpose flour, sugar, and butter, along with all the other ingredients, and make his next greatest hit. Today he was keeping it simple and baking some sugar cookies. He already had a tray cooling on the rack on the table, while another was in the oven. He was working on a third batch when he heard the front door open.

"Eddie?" Tommy's voice rang through the house.

"In the kitchen!" Eddie replied as he used a star-shaped cutter to cut out the next cookie.

"Oh no, what happened?"

Eddie looked up from the cookies to see Tommy giving him a concerned look. "What do you mean?" Eddie asked, playing dumb.

"You only bake so much if you're upset about something." Tommy moved towards him and wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his hand on the small visible bump on Eddie's stomach.

Eddie sighed and leaned back against him. "I talked to my mom today. She said some things about how this is a high-risk pregnancy because of my age and it just ticked me off," Eddie replied.

The protective arms tightened around Eddie. "She had no right to upset you, Eddie. I'm so sorry."

"She's the one who should be sorry, but she wasn't," Eddie told him and leaned back against him.

"Do you want me to talk to her? Tell her to butt out?" Tommy asked.

"No, that will only make things worse." Eddie sighed. "Can you just- I dunno- make me forget?"

"Oh yeah?" Tommy asked and Eddie could hear the amusement in his voice. "And how do you propose I do that?"

That made Eddie smile and he turned around in Tommy's arms, kissing him. "I'm sure you will find a way."

Eddie yelped as he was swept off his feet and taken into Tommy's arms, bridal style. He immediately wrapped his arms around Tommy's neck.

Without saying another word, Tommy carried him to their bedroom and lay him down on the bed, before climbing on top of him.

The moment their lips connected, the kiss turned heated and they were haphazardly removing each other's clothes. Eddie lifted his hips so that Tommy could remove his pants and boxers before Tommy got out of bed to take off his own pants. When Tommy returned, Eddie was immediately on him, kissing him hard.

"I wanna fuck you so bad," Tommy whispered breathlessly against his lips.

"I thought that much was obvious," Eddie replied and grazed his bottom lip with his teeth. "I'm already so wet," he whispered, guiding Tommy's hand between his legs.

"Shit," Tommy hissed and pulled his hand back. He shoved a pillow under Eddie's hips and spread his legs just watching him for a moment. "Never get tired of this sight. Especially with this recent development," he added touching Eddie's swollen belly.

Heat rose in Eddie's cheeks at that and he pulled Tommy down for another kiss. He felt Tommy's cock breach his hole and moaned into Tommy's mouth.

Tommy pushed inside him and groaned. "No matter how many times I fuck you, you're always so tight."

Eddie said nothing to that and just wrapped his legs around Tommy's waist.

Once he was fully inside Eddie, Tommy just looked down at his face and said, "You're so beautiful."

Eddie chuckled at that. "You don't have to sweet talk me, baby. I'm already letting you fuck me."

"Eddie?"

"Hmmm?"

"Shut up," Tommy smirked and kissed him once more before he started moving.

Eddie moaned loudly as Tommy thrust inside him at a hard, brutal pace. Just how Eddie liked it. Tommy's hand wrapped around Eddie's cock and he stroked it in time with his thrusts.

They went at it for what seemed like hours and kissed in between. When Tommy buried his face in Eddie's neck and bit down on his bonding gland, Eddie knew he was close.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, baby," Eddie let out a litany of curses and soon came all over Tommy's hand.

Tommy thrust inside him a few more times before he was coming too, filling Eddie up.

They lay there, panting and catching their breath when Eddie felt kisses on his collarbone.

"I love you, Eddie," Tommy told him, looking at him again. "I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe."

"I know you will, baby," Eddie told him. "And I love you too."

#eddie diaz #tommy kinard #tommyeddie #teddie #911 abc #911 fanfiction #fanfiction #omegaverse #mpreg #smut

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

Ok but can we talk about the absolute horror of being watched and monitored 24/7 that the ancients must have had. The citizenship drones being like an Alexa that's constantly following and listening to you (except it's five pebbles and not Alexa lmao). The fucking OVERSEERS. THEY'RE CALLED THAT FOR A REASON. BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THEIR CITIZENS AS WELL AS THE ENVIRONMENT ALL THE TIME. (I would talk about the fact that they all show arti fucking ads as well but honestly idk what else to say about that. Capitalism got yet another society 😔). That's some fucking nightmare fuel dystopian society settings we are being hinted at. You know the Big Brother Is Watching You thing. The book. Yeah that's what it reminds me of.

The Iterator Is Watching You.

#imagine not being able to escape being watched any second of your life #imagine being one of the first ancients who saw an iterator come into being #imagine being one of the first ancients who had to go live on top of them #imagine being one of the first amcients to be constantly scrutinized by the overseers #i bet they knew this wasn't really a good thing #no matter how religious they were. by the time of pebbles though they were far too religiously indoctrinated to realize this was bad #(as a society i mean. theres always some who disagree and figure out what's going on) #disclaimer i have never read the book i am talking about and only know it through references and pop culture. still tho yk what i mean #rain world #rainworld #rain world iterator #rw iterator #iterator #rw five pebbles #five pebbles #im tagging him too even tho hes only mentioned i wanna reach more ppl with this #pls i may not have said everything i wanted to say cause i cant get my thoughts straight rn but i want to hear what yall think about this #agh the whole situation is so fucked imagine being the Big Brother in this and not even having a choice in it. #imagine that everyone with critical thinking knows this and cant do anything about it. #not even mentioning the cataclysmic level rain the iterators brought. like dude who thought this was a good idea. #imagine all this + the end of the world and its ecosystem as you know it happening right before your eyes #and you cant even blame the person at fault that much bc they were literally fucking born into this #rw overseer #forgot this one #rw ancients

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[canni-killer]

finish drawing. feel proud! see three pieces of art. i want to kill myself.

#ive been drawing for years why am i so bad #inconsistent also #bad AND inconsistent #anyways did anyone see the pic i drew haha its good right #who am i fucking kidding its awful #everything i make art writing knitting sewing etc its all terrible #no matter how much i practice i never improve #i cant write either my writing is terrible #and ive p much abandoned knitting #i occasionally sew holes in clothes but im bad at it #i have no fuckng skills #i should be good at this stuff its all stuff ive been doing sonce i was a fucking child #why is my baby cousin better at knitting than mr #why is my cousin so much better at art when were the same age and ive been drawing longer #i cant act either. or sing. i used to want to do musical theater but yknow #i cant bring myself to pick up my guitar cuz i know ill never be good at it. it frirates me to practice. #i played trombone for 2 ½ years and never got any better #i couldn't even read a single scale and my playing was quiet and bad #fuck #fuck fuck fuck #ill mever be good at anything #im a hack. talentless. unskilled. in every way possible. #can i find one fucking thing that im good at #“do it for yourself!” I CANT I FUCKING CANT if no one else likes it then its not good #and if its not good theres no point to it #becuz its just another way in which ive failed #i hate myself. im a disgusting failure #and im too cowardly to even kill myself #“im living for so and so :3” LIES LIES ITS ALL LIES IM ALIVE BECUZ IM A COWARD #everyone else will be fine without me. maybe happier even. i just cant do it cuz im fucking scared. another gd thing im a failure at.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

[astranauticus]

i have an exam tomorrow but i know my brain won't know rest until i post this. anyway i just looked up the lyrics to 超度我/set me free by floruitshow and i just. have to inflict this song onto other people it is so robits

(real quick one thing i will say is please listen to the song, i once described floruitshow as 'the perfect combination of classically trained and a little bit insane' and this song is 100% that vibe. like i cant promise you'll like it but i can promise that it probably won't sound like anything else you've heard before)

Also I'll only be translating the verses because the chorus is literally lines straight from the Diamond Sutra and explaining those is above my paygrade

(Verse 1)

来不及 There's no time left 最后一句想你来不及让你知道 No time left to say to you my last 'I miss you' 再也回不去 We can't ever return 那个有彩虹出现的下午 to that afternoon when the rainbow appeared 再也感受不到你温度 I won't ever feel your warmth again 如果你留我在梦里 If you left me in my dreams 我会放弃呼吸 I can give up my breath 请 超度我 Please, set me free

VR-LA during/after MR-SN's death?? reflecting on all the things he never got to say, all the things they never got to do because they never got enough time together, 'i can give up my breath' all that time VR-LA spent alone on that empty ship fighting the thoughts of leaving it all behind.. (yells)

(Verse 2)

对不起 I'm sorry 不经意就在你的影子里活下去 It's so easy to live on in your shadow 我不在意 But I don't mind 不过是白日梦里一瞬息 It's nothing but a moment in a daydream 为何还起念动心 Why does my heart still stir? 怪你名字太熟悉 It's all because your name is too familiar 当我是一花一叶一春木 if I pretend I were a flower, a leaf, a spring sapling 可否回到世界之初 Can I return to the beginning of it all? 请 超度我 Please, set me free

Y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. or how he spends s2-s3 haunted by his old crew ('live on in your shadow' owwww). 'a moment in a daydream' VR-LA seeing MR-SN in overclock... being stuck in the horrible horrible headspace of the Zuggtemoy curse and finding comfort in this snippet of the captain he can barely remember.. 'your name is too familiar' i mean just look at the wish speech! he says it better than i ever could, it's getting the old crew's names from maxim that really sets VR-LA off on this whole journey to find them because even after the everything just their names is enough for him to remember how much he loved and still loves them!! augh

(Outro)

我的执念 万千千千 My obsessions, hundreds and thousands 放不下地 放不下天 I can't let go of the earth, I can't let go of the sky 我把���线折折剪剪 I cut and fold at the red strings 落入凡间镜重圆 I fall to the mortal realm to seek reunion

Again, y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. but also the last two lines as being MR-SN's POV, the 'red strings' being a reference to the red strings of fate (strings that tie lovers/soulmates together... aaa), MR-SN (or well, Mystra, I guess) literally defying fate so that they can meet again. 镜重圆 here is likely referring to 破镜重圆, a phrase that directly translates to "mending a broken mirror" and basically refers to couples (generally romantic) reconciling/reuniting after a breakup/some kind of separation which... i mean yeah thats literally just 3.7 huh. MR-SN coming back from the dead to give VR-LA closure and catharsis. anyway i'm gonna go lie on the floor now

#rolling with difficulty #rwd starship #vr la rwd #im so. jahsfksjhdfkjh #my ears are kinda bad (read: auditory processing issues) so like.. for a lot of cpop songs with more poetic? fancy? lyrics #i tend to like just add them to my playlist even if i dont actually know what the lyrics are #esp since i listen to a lot of gufeng/'historical style' cpop because i like that genre's sound but the lyrics are EXTRA incomprehensible #so basically i had this song in my playlist for like.. about a year but i was never 100% on what the lyrics are #so yeah i looked up the lyrics today and uh. felt like i got hit by a train #funnily enough i now have a floruitshow song for all my robit favs! WHY DO THEY MAKE SUCH GOOD ROBIT MUSIC #set me free = VR-LA; him = MR-SN; how can i make you stay = maxim #considering im already making an animatic for him (and made a little animation snippet for how can i make you stay) its honestly like.. #kinda.. tempting to just round out the trinity. like if i can make one animatic how hard can 2 more be? (famous last words) #also because like with the september patreon reward im even more convinced that how can i make you stay is just the maxim song of all time #its just that the diamod sutra chorus on this one kinda. complicates matters #and also because i saw an INCREDIBLE genshin animatic of this song on bilibili once and it HAUNTS me #i dont play genshin anymore i dont even like xiao it's just one of those things were like #the artistic merit on display is so impressive i have to respect the project on skill level alone #its *so good* like i cant fuckin. not even surpass i cant get anywhere *near* that. what the fuck?? #intellectually i know thats not how art works but. hnnnGGG #its that animatic and noir (the other one)'s stultifer cantus mv thats like #on a tier list of all the animatics ive seen in my life theyre on the 'lose your fuckin mind beautiful' tier #Spotify

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them #I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I #think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills. #and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo #don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is #I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin #I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one #I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to #those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely #that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism #sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim #so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and #miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work #any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to #STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying #to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill #just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t #ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their #careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I #have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that #doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live #in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and #struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything #better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of #this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do #to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it. #I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps #kaz rambles

[samwisefamgee]

god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer

#you dont even fuxking know #the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately #i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only #posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong #that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain #it just never ends #the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol #i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter #i havent had a working phone in a month #my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer #and the physical and mental health just go and go and go #and the mold grows and groes and grows #my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano #like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol #itll be fine #its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol #might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe #life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone #alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth #also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit #what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(

[be-good-to-bugs]

AAAAH forever stress is going to kill me one day

#the bin #i hate knowing why i feel so bad and not being able to do anything about it #im scared that ill never ever feel better. its been so long since i felt ok. im worried that ill make friends and still feel horrible all #the time and it wont matter. i cant keep doing this. im so tired of being all alone. im so tired of the constant inescapable dread #im going to figure something out. in a month ill be moved and i can start figuring everything out then #i hate not being able to focus on anything besides how bad i feel. i cant enjoy anything. theres so many shows i wanna watch but i cant #because im so distracted by this. theres so much manga i wanna read and i cant. #literally the ONLY thing that has been able to make me temporarily forget this for any amount of time is dungeon meshi #its so fucking good and it sparks so much joy that it does help but not enough. i get sad again really fast. #well. im trying really hard to manage my stress. i did the math on how much i should be getting. i know that i will have rent at least. #there are 2 weeks that i dont know what my hours will be but assuming i get 13 hours at least then i should have an ok amount for #moving. its possible theyll be worse and its possible theyll be better. im really hoping theyre better. my hours have been SO BAD recently #i dont know why. i know im not bad at my job or anything. i sont think my manager dislikes me either. he does this whenever someone #hasnt been feeling well and hell do it for a couple weeks and i think its him trying to be considerate but i have bills to pay man #technically there is a shift i could pickup but the store has a drive thru so im nervous to bc idk how that works and if im asked to do that #then ill have no idea so ive been avoiding taking any shifts like that #hopefully enough will pop up in the coming weeks and i can get some more hours. i know i can cover moving vehicle cost but idk how much #gas is gonna be so im suuuuper worried abt that. hhhh. hopefully my sister and her boyfriend can get me back the $300 they owe too #honestly idk how they werent able to afford rent but immediately after they were able to afford a 40 hour roadtrip and yimw off work #whatever. it doenst matter. #i wish i could deal with the other stuff messing me up rn but i cant fix the loneliness thing without not being alone and i cant fix that #it doesnt matter how much i tell myself ill make friends eventually or if i believe it or not. i feel bad because ive gone way too long #not hanging out with anyone and my brain cant handle it. #im gonna see if maybe i can play a game with my sister soon. or maybe i couod play smth with my younger sister even #i pkayed roblox with her for a little while. maybe she would want to again. i miss her :(

[sophiamcdougall]

You're a reasonably informed person on the internet. You've experienced things like no longer being able to get files off an old storage device, media you've downloaded suddenly going poof, sites and forums with troves full of people's thoughts and ideas vanishing forever. You've heard of cybercrime. You've read articles about lost media. You have at least a basic understanding that digital data is vulnerable, is what I'm saying. I'm guessing that you're also aware that history is, you know... important? And that it's an ongoing study, requiring ... data about how people live? And that it's not just about stanning celebrities that happen to be dead? Congratulations, you are significantly better-informed than the British government! So they're currently like "Oh hai can we destroy all these historical documents pls? To save money? Because we'll digitise them first so it's fine! That'll be easy, cheap and reliable -- right? These wills from the 1850s will totally be fine for another 170 years as a PNG or whatever, yeah? We didn't need to do an impact assesment about this because it's clearly win-win! We'd keep the physical wills of Famous People™ though because Famous People™ actually matter, unlike you plebs. We don't think there are any equalities implications about this, either! Also the only examples of Famous People™ we can think of are all white and rich, only one is a woman and she got famous because of the guy she married. Kisses!"

Yes, this is the same Government that's like "Oh no removing a statue of slave trader is erasing history :(" You have, however, until 23 February 2024 to politely inquire of them what the fuck they are smoking. And they will have to publish a summary of the responses they receive. And it will look kind of bad if the feedback is well-argued, informative and overwhelmingly negative and they go ahead and do it anyway. I currently edit documents including responses to consultations like (but significantly less insane) than this one. Responses do actually matter. I would particularly encourage British people/people based in the UK to do this, but as far as I can see it doesn't say you have to be either. If you are, say, a historian or an archivist, or someone who specialises in digital data do say so and draw on your expertise in your answers. This isn't a question of filling out a form. You have to manually compose an email answering the 12 questions in the consultation paper at the link above. I'll put my own answers under the fold. Note -- I never know if I'm being too rude in these sorts of things. You probably shouldn't be ruder than I have been.

Please do not copy and paste any of this: that would defeat the purpose. This isn't a petition, they need to see a range of individual responses. But it may give you a jumping-off point.

Question 1: Should the current law providing for the inspection of wills be preserved?

Yes. Our ability to understand our shared past is a fundamental aspect of our heritage. It is not possible for any authority to know in advance what future insights they are supporting or impeding by their treatment of material evidence. Safeguarding the historical record for future generations should be considered an extremely important duty.

Question 2: Are there any reforms you would suggest to the current law enabling wills to be inspected?

No.

Question 3: Are there any reasons why the High Court should store original paper will documents on a permanent basis, as opposed to just retaining a digitised copy of that material?

Yes. I am amazed that the recent cyber attack on the British Library, which has effectively paralysed it completely, not been sufficient to answer this question for you.  I also refer you to the fate of the Domesday Project. Digital storage is useful and can help more people access information; however, it is also inherently fragile. Malice, accident, or eventual inevitable obsolescence not merely might occur, but absolutely should be expected. It is ludicrously naive and reflects a truly unpardonable ignorance to assume that information preserved only in digital form is somehow inviolable and safe, or that a physical document once digitised, never need be digitised again..At absolute minimum, it should be understood as certain that at least some of any digital-only archive will eventually be permanently lost. It is not remotely implausible that all of it would be. Preserving the physical documents provides a crucial failsafe. It also allows any errors in reproduction -- also inevitable-- to be, eventually, seen and corrected. Note that maintaining, upgrading and replacing digital infrastructure is not free, easy or reliable. Over the long term, risks to the data concerned can only accumulate.

"Unlike the methods for preserving analog documents that have been honed over millennia, there is no deep precedence to look to regarding the management of digital records. As such, the processing, long-term storage, and distribution potential of archival digital data are highly unresolved issues. [..] the more digital data is migrated, translated, and re-compressed into new formats, the more room there is for information to be lost, be it at the microbit-level of preservation. Any failure to contend with the instability of digital storage mediums, hardware obsolescence, and software obsolescence thus meets a terminal end—the definitive loss of information. The common belief that digital data is safe so long as it is backed up according to the 3-2-1 rule (3 copies on 2 different formats with 1 copy saved off site) belies the fact that it is fundamentally unclear how long digital information can or will remain intact. What is certain is that its unique vulnerabilities do become more pertinent with age."  -- James Boyda, On Loss in the 21st Century: Digital Decay and the Archive, Introduction.

Question 4: Do you agree that after a certain time original paper documents (from 1858 onwards) may be destroyed (other than for famous individuals)? Are there any alternatives, involving the public or private sector, you can suggest to their being destroyed?

Absolutely not. And I would have hoped we were past the "great man" theory of history. Firstly, you do not know which figures will still be considered "famous" in the future and which currently obscure individuals may deserve and eventually receive greater attention. I note that of the three figures you mention here as notable enough to have their wills preserved, all are white, the majority are male (the one woman having achieved fame through marriage) and all were wealthy at the time of their death. Any such approach will certainly cull evidence of the lives of women, people of colour and the poor from the historical record, and send a clear message about whose lives you consider worth remembering.

Secondly, the famous and successsful are only a small part of our history. Understanding the realities that shaped our past and continue to mould our present requires evidence of the lives of so-called "ordinary people"!

Did you even speak to any historians before coming up with this idea?

Entrusting the documents to the private sector would be similarly disastrous. What happens when a private company goes bust or decides that preserving this material is no longer profitable? What reasonable person, confronted with our crumbling privatised water infrastructure, would willingly consign any part of our heritage to a similar fate?

Question 5: Do you agree that there is equivalence between paper and digital copies of wills so that the ECA 2000 can be used?

No. And it raises serious questions about the skill and knowledge base within HMCTS and the government that the very basic concepts of data loss and the digital dark age appear to be unknown to you. I also refer you to the Domesday Project.

Question 6: Are there any other matters directly related to the retention of digital or paper wills that are not covered by the proposed exercise of the powers in the ECA 2000 that you consider are necessary?

Destroying the physical documents will always be an unforgivable dereliction of legal and moral duty.

Question 7: If the Government pursues preserving permanently only a digital copy of a will document, should it seek to reform the primary legislation by introducing a Bill or do so under the ECA 2000?

Destroying the physical documents will always be an unforgivable dereliction of legal and moral duty.

Question 8: If the Government moves to digital only copies of original will documents, what do you think the retention period for the original paper wills should be? Please give reasons and state what you believe the minimum retention period should be and whether you consider the Government’s suggestion of 25 years to be reasonable.

There is no good version of this plan. The physical documents should be preserved.

Question 9: Do you agree with the principle that wills of famous people should be preserved in the original paper form for historic interest?

This question betrays deep ignorance of what "historic interest" actually is. The study of history is not simply glorified celebrity gossip. If anything, the physical wills of currently famous people could be considered more expendable as it is likely that their contents are so widely diffused as to be relatively "safe", whereas the wills of so-called "ordinary people" will, especially in aggregate, provide insights that have not yet been explored.

Question 10: Do you have any initial suggestions on the criteria which should be adopted for identifying famous/historic figures whose original paper will document should be preserved permanently?

Abandon this entire lamentable plan. As previously discussed, you do not and cannot know who will be considered "famous" in the future, and fame is a profoundly flawed criterion of historical significance.

Question 11: Do you agree that the Probate Registries should only permanently retain wills and codicils from the documents submitted in support of a probate application? Please explain, if setting out the case for retention of any other documents.

No, all the documents should be preserved indefinitely.

Question 12: Do you agree that we have correctly identified the range and extent of the equalities impacts under each of these proposals set out in this consultation? Please give reasons and supply evidence of further equalities impacts as appropriate.

No. You appear to have neglected equalities impacts entirely. As discussed, in your drive to prioritise "famous people", your plan will certainly prioritise the white, wealthy and mostly the male, as your "Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin and Princess Diana" examples amply indicate. This plan will create a two-tier system where evidence of the lives of the privileged is carefully preserved while information regarding people of colour, women, the working class and other disadvantaged groups is disproportionately abandoned to digital decay and eventual loss. Current and future historians from, or specialising in the history of minority groups will be especially impoverished by this.  

#ukpol #uk politics #fuck the tories #lost media #data loss #cultural vandalism

[medicinemane]

You know, capitalism is another one of those words that sadly is like problematic in that it's functionally useless because people just toss it out and then everyone gets so hung up debating the meaning of the word capitalism that the whole point is lost

That's why I don't ever really use it. It doesn't really matter if it's capitalism or if it's cronyism or... whatever, I think it's bad when companies make record profits while prices go up up up

I think there's probably an issue and it probably needs to be solved (and I'm afraid you can't convince me less regulation is a magic bullet)

I like currency and exchanging currency because it seems like a good way of moving goods and labor around, but I also strongly support welfare and think that any group of more than 50 people is probably starting to get corrupt

Don't trust the government, but sure as hell don't trust corps...

I don't know, my original point is that sadly capitalism gets tossed around too much to mean anything anymore... but I just see too many argumentative people online so I'm tossing out my stances to avoid getting side tracked debating what I mean

What I really really mean is just fucking say what you're saying and don't bother saying capitalism cause you'll just make people argue and miss your point

#this is about me reblogging a post the mentions the word capitalism #and I sometimes do that and have people get in and argue about if something is or isn't capitalism #and it's like yeah mate and honestly I hear you; I'm not sure that it fully 100% fits here and if it does it's so broad it's meaningless #but like... read the bit before they said capitalism and have a think on that instead #like let's focus on the description of the situation and how we feel about that description more than a single definition #I honestly don't really care what things are called half as much as the actions being taken and how effective they're likely to be #don't really care if something's called hatemurderdeathism if it's making things better with no policies I hate #obviously there's some things where I'd be like 'hmm... let's not call it that; cause that implies some specific bad stuff' #but like broad strokes shit... capitalism socialism libertarian... what the fuck ever... #is there a strong social net while people are free to trade goods and services? #then I probably am mostly for this plan #fight about the name but leave me out of it #...that's another big part of why I don't call myself anything #takes too long trying to explain your definitions and get people to agree that it doesn't actually mean fascist murder #(cause whatever label you run under I bet I've seen someone call it a fascist murder) #nah; I'm not any this or that group... given up on that a long time ago #I'm just a stupid idiot with various ideas I'd like to talk with people to see how we can move the needle more in that direction #like the less people starving and being homeless direction #and the more worthwhile and productive work and less busy pointless work for megacorps direction #which I think means a shift to more small businesses... which is actually part of why I'm for a UBI #pretty sure I know at least one person on here with a business idea (and knowing them it's a good one) #but they just lack the financial stability to start the business #so I actually want a UBI cause I think it would be good for the economy #never gonna say I can't be stupid or wrong; but that is one of my motives #...whatever... none of this matters; really ought to hurry up and die but I procrastinate that as hard as everything else

[drchucktingle]

THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY

just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.

(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)

i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.

the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.

i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.

PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE

a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)

ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.

months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’

turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes

at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)

as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.

fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.

when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM

SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:

CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:

well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.

PART TWO: RESCINDED

a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask

right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.

of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered

there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA

first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.

second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.

in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.

TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.

i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.

but here we are.

PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?

this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:

when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.

it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?

i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not

my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.

at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense

PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES

it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say

BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?

is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.

if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.

and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?

(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)

i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.

you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.

if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.

so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.

THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.

as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING

AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?

let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.

when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.

if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?

or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.

PART FIVE: GENDERED

this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.

if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned

PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY

there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?

i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'

putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.

i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY

another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions

PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL

i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.

i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)

which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.

if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME

KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck

UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:

true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo

to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love

please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it

MOST RECENT UPDATE:

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#love is real #chuck tingle #tingleverse #texas library association #actually autistic #lgtbqia #Youtube