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rhysdarbinizedarby · 6 months

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Couch surfer in his 30s. Oscar winner in his 40s. Why the whole world wants Taika

**Notes: This is very long post!**

Good Weekend

In his 30s, he was sleeping on couches. By his 40s, he’d directed a Kiwi classic, taken a Marvel movie to billion-dollar success, and won an Oscar. Meet Taika Waititi, king of the oddball – and one of New Zealand’s most original creative exports.

Taika Waititi: “Be a nice person and live a good life. And just don’t be an arsehole.”

The good news? Taika Waititi is still alive. I wasn’t sure. The screen we were speaking through jolted savagely a few minutes ago, with a cacophonous bang and a confused yelp, then radio silence. Now the Kiwi filmmaker is back, grinning like a loon: “I just broke the f---ing table, bro!”

Come again? “I just smashed this f---ing table and glass flew everywhere. It’s one of those old annoying colonial tables. It goes like this – see that?” Waititi says, holding up a folding furniture leg. “I hit the mechanism and it wasn’t locked. Anyway …”

I’m glad he’s fine. The stuff he’s been saying from his London hotel room could incur biblical wrath. We’re talking about his latest project, Next Goal Wins, a movie about the American Samoa soccer team’s quest to score a solitary goal, 10 years after suffering the worst loss in the game’s international history – a 31-0 ignominy to Australia – but our chat strays into spirituality, then faith, then religion.

“I don’t personally believe in a big guy sitting on a cloud judging everyone, but that’s just me,” Waititi says, deadpan. “Because I’m a grown-up.”

This is the way his interview answers often unfold. Waititi addresses your topic – dogma turns good people bad, he says, yet belief itself is worth lauding – but bookends every response with a conspiratorial nudge, wink, joke or poke. “Regardless of whether it’s some guy living on a cloud, or some other deity that you’ve made up – and they’re all made up – the message across the board is the same, and it’s important: Be a nice person, and live a good life. And just don’t be an arsehole!”

Not being an arsehole seems to have served Waititi, 48, well. Once a national treasure and indie darling (through the quirky tenderness of his breakout New Zealand films Boy in 2010 and Hunt for the Wilderpeople in 2016), Waititi then became a star of both the global box office (through his 2017 entry into the Marvel Universe, Thor: Ragnarok, which grossed more than $1.3 billion worldwide) and then the Academy Awards (winning the 2020 best adapted screenplay Oscar for his subversive Holocaust dramedy JoJo Rabbit, in which he played an imaginary Hitler).

Waititi playing Adolf Hitler in the 2019 movie JoJo Rabbit. (Alamy)

A handsome devil with undeniable roguish charm, Waititi also slid seamlessly into style-icon status (attending this year’s Met Gala shirtless, in a floor-length gunmetal-grey Atelier Prabal Gurung wrap coat, with pendulous pearl necklaces), as well as becoming his own brand (releasing an eponymous line of canned coffee drinks) and bona fide Hollywood A-lister (he was introduced to his second wife, British singer Rita Ora, by actor Robert Pattinson at a barbecue).

Putting that platform to use, Waititi is an Indigenous pioneer and mentor, too, co-creating the critically acclaimed TV series Reservation Dogs, while co-founding the Piki Films production company, committed to promoting the next generation of storytellers – a mission that might sound all weighty and worthy, yet Waititi’s new wave of First Nations work is never earnest, always mixing hurt with heart and howling humour.

Waititi with wife Rita Ora at the 2023 Met Gala in May. (Getty Images)

Makes sense. Waititi is a byproduct of “the weirdest coupling ever” – his late Maori father from the Te Whanau-a-Apanui tribe was an artist, farmer and “Satan’s Slaves” bikie gang founder, while his Wellington schoolteacher mum descended from Russian Jews, although he’s not devout about her faith. (“No, I don’t practise,” he confirms. “I’m just good at everything, straight away.”)

He’s remained loyally tethered to his origin story, too – and to a cadre of creative Kiwi mates, including actors Jemaine Clement and Rhys Darby – never forgetting that not long before the actor/writer/producer/director was an industry maven, he was a penniless painter/photographer/ musician/comedian.

With no set title and no fixed address, he’s seemingly happy to be everything, everywhere (to everyone) all at once. “‘The universe’ is bandied around a lot these days, but I do believe in the kind of connective tissue of the universe, and the energy that – scientifically – we are made up of a bunch of atoms that are bouncing around off each other, and some of the atoms are just squished together a bit tighter than others,” he says, smiling. “We’re all made of the same stardust, and that’s pretty special.”

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We’ve caught Waititi in a somewhat relaxed moment, right before the screen actors’ and media artists’ strike ends. He’s sensitive to the struggle but doesn’t deny enjoying the break. “I spent a lot of time thinking about writing, and not writing, and having a nice holiday,” he tells Good Weekend. “Honestly, it was a good chance just to recombobulate.”

Waititi, at right, with Hunt for the Wilderpeople actors, from left, Sam Neill, Rhys Darby and Julian Dennison. (Getty Images)

It’s mid-October, and he’s just headed to Paris to watch his beloved All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup. He’s deeply obsessed with the game, and sport in general. “Humans spend all of our time knowing what’s going to happen with our day. There’s no surprises any more. We’ve become quite stagnant. And I think that’s why people love sport, because of the air of unpredictability,” he says. “It’s the last great arena entertainment.”

The main filmic touchstone for Next Goal Wins (which premieres in Australian cinemas on New Year’s Day) would be Cool Runnings (1993), the unlikely true story of a Jamaican bobsled team, but Waititi also draws from genre classics such as Any Given Sunday and Rocky, sampling trusted tropes like the musical training montage. (His best one is set to Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears.)

Filming in Hawaii was an uplifting experience for the self-described Polynesian Jew. “It wasn’t about death, or people being cruel to each other. Thematically, it was this simple idea, of getting a small win, and winning the game wasn’t even their goal – their goal was to get a goal,” he says. “It was a really sweet backbone.”

Waititi understands this because, growing up, he was as much an athlete as a nerd, fooling around with softball and soccer before discovering rugby league, then union. “There’s something about doing exercise when you don’t know you’re doing exercise,” he enthuses. “It’s all about the fun of throwing a ball around and trying to achieve something together.” (Whenever Waititi is in Auckland he joins his mates in a long-running weekend game of touch rugby. “And then throughout the week I work out every day. Obviously. I mean, look at me.”)

Auckland is where his kids live, too, so he spends as much time there as possible. Waititi met his first wife, producer Chelsea Winstanley, on the set of Boy in 2010, and they had two daughters, Matewa Kiritapu, 8, and his firstborn, Te Kainga O’Te Hinekahu, 11. (The latter is a derivative of his grandmother’s name, but he jokes with American friends that it means “Resurrection of Tupac” or “Mazda RX7″) Waititi and Winstanley split in about 2018, and he married the pop star Ora in 2022.

He offers a novel method for balancing work with parenthood … “Look, you just abandon them, and know that the experience will make them harder individuals later on in life. And it’s their problem,” he says. “I’m going to give them all of the things that they need, and I’m going to leave behind a decent bank account for their therapy, and they will be just like me, and the cycle will continue.”

Jokes aside – I think he’s joking – school holidays are always his, and he brings the girls onto the set of every movie he makes. “They know enough not to get in the way or touch anything that looks like it could kill you, and they know to be respectful and quiet when they need to. But they’re just very comfortable around filmmakers, which I’m really happy about, because eventually I hope they will get into the industry. One more year,” he laughs, “then they can leave school and come work for Dad.”

Theirs is certainly a different childhood than his. Growing up, he was a product of two worlds. His given names, for instance, were based on his appearance at birth: “Taika David” if he looked Maori (after his Maori grandfather) and “David Taika” if he looked Pakeha (after his white grandfather). His parents split when he was five, so he bounced between his dad’s place in Waihau Bay, where he went by the surname Waititi, and his mum, eight hours drive away in Wellington, where he went by Cohen (the last name on his birth certificate and passport).

Waititi was precocious, even charismatic. His mother Robin once told Radio New Zealand that people always wanted to know him, even as an infant: “I’d be on a bus with him, and he was that kind of baby who smiled at people, and next thing you know they’re saying, ‘Can I hold your baby?’ He’s always been a charmer to the public eye.”

He describes himself as a cool, sporty, good-looking nerd, raised on whatever pop culture screened on the two TV channels New Zealand offered in the early 1980s, from M*A*S*H and Taxi to Eddie Murphy and Michael Jackson. He was well-read, too. When punished by his mum, he would likely be forced to analyse a set of William Blake poems.

He puts on a whimpering voice to describe their finances – “We didn’t have much monneeey” – explaining how his mum spent her days in the classroom but also worked in pubs, where he would sit sipping a raspberry lemonade, doodling drawings and writing stories. She took in ironing and cleaned houses; he would help out, learning valuable lessons he imparts to his kids. “And to random people who come to my house,” he says. “I’ll say, ‘Here’s a novel idea, wash this dish,’ but people don’t know how to do anything these days.”

“Every single character I’ve ever written has been based on someone I’ve known or met or a story I’ve stolen from someone.” - Taika Waititi

He loved entertaining others, clearly, but also himself, recording little improvised radio plays on a tape deck – his own offbeat versions of ET and Indiana Jones and Star Wars. “Great free stuff where you don’t have any idea what the story is as you’re doing it,” he says. “You’re just sort of making it up and enjoying the freedom of playing god in this world where you can make people and characters do whatever you want.”

His other sphere of influence lay in Raukokore, the tiny town where his father lived. Although Boy is not autobiographical, it’s deeply personal insofar as it’s filmed in the house where he grew up, and where he lived a life similar to that portrayed in the story, surrounded by his recurring archetypes: warm grandmothers and worldly kids; staunch, stoic mums; and silly, stunted men. “Every single character I’ve ever written has been based on someone I’ve known or met,” he says, “or a story I’ve stolen from someone.”

He grew to love drawing and painting, obsessed early on with reproducing the Sistine Chapel. During a 2011 TED Talk on creativity, Waititi describes his odd subject matter, from swastikas and fawns to a picture of an old lady going for a walk … upon a sword … with Robocop. “My father was an outsider artist, even though he wouldn’t know what that meant,” Waititi told the audience in Doha. “I love the naive. I love people who can see things through an innocent viewpoint. It’s inspiring.”

After winning Best Adapted Screenplay Academy Award for JoJo Rabbit in 2020. (Getty Images)

It was an interesting time in New Zealand, too – a coming-of-age decade in which the Maori were rediscovering their culture. His area was poor, “but only financially,” he says. “It’s very rich in terms of the people and the culture.” He learned kapa haka – the songs, dances and chants performed by competing tribes at cultural events, or to honour people at funerals and graduations – weddings, parties, anything. “Man, any excuse,” he explains. “A big part of doing them is to uplift your spirits.”

Photography was a passion, so I ask what he shot. “Just my penis. I sent them to people, but we didn’t have phones, so I would print them out, post them. One of the first dick pics,” he says. Actually, his lens was trained on regular people. He watches us still – in airports, restaurants. “Other times late at night, from a tree. Whatever it takes to get the story. You know that.”

He went to the Wellington state school Onslow College and did plays like Androcles and the Lion, A Midsummer Night’s Dream and The Crucible. His crew of arty students eventually ended up on stage at Bats Theatre in the city, where they would perform haphazard comedy shows for years.

“Taika was always rebellious and wild in his comedy, which I loved,” says his high school mate Jackie van Beek, who became a longtime collaborator, including working with Waititi on a Tourism New Zealand campaign this year. “I remember he went through a phase of turning up in bars around town wearing wigs, and you’d try and sit down and have a drink with him but he’d be doing some weird character that would invariably turn up in some show down the track.”

He met more like-minded peers at Victoria University, including Jemaine Clement (who’d later become co-creator of Flight of the Conchords). During a 2019 chat with actor Elijah Wood, Waititi describes he and Clement clocking one another from opposite sides of the library one day: a pair of Maoris experiencing hate at first sight, based on a mutual suspicion of cultural appropriation. (Clement was wearing a traditional tapa cloth Samoan shirt, and Waititi was like: “This motherf---er’s not Samoan.” Meanwhile, Waititi was wearing a Rastafarian beanie, and Clement was like, “This motherf---er’s not Jamaican.”)

With Jemaine Clement in 2014. (Getty Images)

But they eventually bonded over Blackadder and Fawlty Towers, and especially Kenny Everett, and did comedy shows together everywhere from Edinburgh to Melbourne. Waititi was almost itinerant, spending months at a time busking, or living in a commune in Berlin. He acted in a few small films, and then – while playing a stripper on a bad TV show – realised he wanted to try life behind the camera. “I became tired of being told what to do and ordered around,” he told Wellington’s Dominion Post in 2004. “I remember sitting around in the green room in my G-string thinking, ‘Why am I doing this? Just helping someone else to realise their dream.’ ”

He did two strong short films, then directed his first feature – Eagle vs Shark (2007) – when he was 32. He brought his mates along (Clement, starring with Waititi’s then-girlfriend Loren Horsley), setting something of a pattern in his career: hiring friends instead of constantly navigating new working relationships. “If you look at things I’m doing,” he tells me, “there’s always a few common denominators.”

Sam Neill says Waititi is the exemplar of a new New Zealand humour. “The basis of it is this: we’re just a little bit crap at things.”

This gang of collaborators shares a common Kiwi vibe, too, which his longtime friend, actor Rhys Darby, once coined “the comedy of the mundane”. Their new TV show, Our Flag Means Death, for example, leans heavily into the mundanity of pirate life – what happens on those long days at sea when the crew aren’t unsheathing swords from scabbards or burying treasure.

Waititi plays pirate captain Blackbeard, centre, in Our Flag Means Death, with Rhys Darby, left, and Rory Kinnear. (Google Images)

Sam Neill, who first met Waititi when starring in Hunt for the Wilderpeople, says Waititi is the exemplar of a new New Zealand humour. “And I think the basis of it is this,” says Neill. “We’re just a little bit crap at things, and that in itself is funny.” After all, Neill asks, what is What We Do in The Shadows (2014) if not a film (then later a TV show) about a bunch of vampires who are pretty crap at being vampires, living in a pretty crappy house, not quite getting busted by crappy local cops? “New Zealand often gets named as the least corrupt country in the world, and I think it’s just that we would be pretty crap at being corrupt,” Neill says. “We don’t have the capacity for it.”

Waititi’s whimsy also spurns the dominant on-screen oeuvre of his homeland – the so-called “cinema of unease” exemplified by the brutality of Once Were Warriors (1994) and the emotional peril of The Piano (1993). Waititi still explores pathos and pain, but through laughter and weirdness. “Taika feels to me like an antidote to that dark aspect, and a gift somehow,” Neill says. “And I’m grateful for that.”

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Something happened to Taika Waititi when he was about 11 – something he doesn’t go into with Good Weekend, but which he considered a betrayal by the adults in his life. He mentioned it only recently – not the moment itself, but the lesson he learnt: “That you cannot and must not rely on grown-ups to help you – you’re basically in the world alone, and you’re gonna die alone, and you’ve just gotta make it all for yourself,” he told Irish podcast host James Brown. “I basically never forgave people in positions of responsibility.”

What does that mean in his work? First, his finest films tend to reflect the clarity of mind possessed by children, and the unseen worlds they create – fantasies conjured up as a way to understand or overcome. (His mum once summed up the main message of Boy: “The unconditional love you get from your children, and how many of us waste that, and don’t know what we’ve got.”)

Second, he’s suited to movie-making – “Russian roulette with art” – because he’s drawn to disruptive force and chaos. And that in turn produces creative defiance: allowing him to reinvigorate the Marvel Universe by making superheroes fallible, or tell a Holocaust story by making fun of Hitler. “Whenever I have to deal with someone who’s a boss, or in charge, I challenge them,” he told Brown, “and I really do take whatever they say with a pinch of salt.”

It’s no surprise then that Waititi was comfortable leaping from independent films to the vast complexity of Hollywood blockbusters. He loves the challenge of coordinating a thousand interlocking parts, requiring an army of experts in vocations as diverse as construction, sound, art, performance and logistics. “I delegate a lot,” he says, “and share the load with a lot of people.”

“This is a cool concept, being able to afford whatever I want, as opposed to sleeping on couches until I was 35.” - Taika Waititi

But the buck stops with him. Time magazine named Waititi one of its Most Influential 100 People of 2022. “You can tell that a film was made by Taika Waititi the same way you can tell a piece was painted by Picasso,” wrote Sacha Baron Cohen. Compassionate but comic. Satirical but watchable. Rockstar but auteur. “Actually, sorry, but this guy’s really starting to piss me off,” Cohen concluded. “Can someone else write this piece?”

Directing Chris Hemsworth in 2017 in Thor: Ragnarok, which grossed more than $1.3 billion at the box office. (Alamy)

I’m curious to know how he stays grounded amid such adulation. Coming into the game late, he says, helped immensely. After all, Waititi was 40 by the time he left New Zealand to do Thor: Ragnarok. “If you let things go to your head, then it means you’ve struggled to find out who you are,” he says. “But I’ve always felt very comfortable with who I am.” Hollywood access and acclaim – and the pay cheques – don’t erase memories of poverty, either. “It’s more like, ‘Oh, this is a cool concept, being able to afford whatever I want, as opposed to sleeping on couches until I was 35.’ ” Small towns and strong tribes keep him in check, too. “You know you can’t piss around and be a fool, because you’re going to embarrass your family,” he says. “Hasn’t stopped me, though.”

Sam Neill says there was never any doubt Waititi would be able to steer a major movie with energy and imagination. “It’s no accident that the whole world wants Taika,” he says. “But his seductiveness comes with its own dangers. You can spread yourself a bit thin. The temptation will be to do more, more, more. That’ll be interesting to watch.”

Indeed, I find myself vicariously stressed out over the list of potential projects in Waititi’s future. A Roald Dahl animated series for Netflix. An Apple TV show based on the 1981 film Time Bandits. A sequel to What We Do In The Shadows. A reboot of Flash Gordon. A gonzo horror comedy, The Auteur, starring Jude Law. Adapting a cult graphic novel, The Incal, as a feature. A streaming series based on the novel Interior Chinatown. A film based on a Kazuo Ishiguro bestseller. Plus bringing to life the wildly popular Akira comic books. Oh, and for good measure, a new instalment of Star Wars, which he’s already warned the world will be … different.

“It’s going to change things,” he told Good Morning America. “It’s going to change what you guys know and expect.”

Did I say I was stressed for Waititi? I meant physically sick.

“Well…” he qualifies, “some of those things I’m just producing, so I come up with an idea or someone comes to me with an idea, and I shape how ‘it’s this kind of show’ and ‘here’s how we can get it made.’ It’s easier for me to have a part in those things and feel like I’ve had a meaningful role in the creative process, but also not having to do what I’ve always done, which is trying to control everything.”

In the 2014 mockumentary horror film What We Do in the Shadows, which he co-directed with Jemaine Clement. (Alamy)

What about moving away from the niche New Zealand settings he represented so well in his early work? How does he stay connected to his roots? “I think you just need to know where you’re from,” he says, “and just don’t forget that.”

They certainly haven’t forgotten him.

Jasmin McSweeney sits in her office at the New Zealand Film Commission in Wellington, surrounded by promotional posters Waititi signed for her two decades ago, when she was tasked with promoting his nascent talent. Now the organisation’s marketing chief, she talks to me after visiting the heart of thriving “Wellywood”, overseeing the traditional karakia prayer on the set of a new movie starring Geoffrey Rush.

Waititi isn’t the first great Kiwi filmmaker – dual Oscar-winner Jane Campion and blockbuster king Peter Jackson come to mind – yet his particular ascendance, she says, has spurred unparalleled enthusiasm. “Taika gave everyone here confidence. He always says, ‘Don’t sit around waiting for people to say, you can do this.’ Just do it, because he just did it. That’s the Taika effect.”

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Taika David Waititi is known for wearing everything from technicolour dreamcoats to pineapple print rompers, and today he’s wearing a roomy teal and white Isabel Marant jumper. The mohair garment has the same wispy frizz as his hair, which curls like a wave of grey steel wool, and connects with a shorn salty beard.

A stylish silver fox, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if he suddenly announced he was launching a fashion label. He’s definitely a commercial animal, to the point of directing television commercials for Coke and Amazon, along with a fabulous 2023 spot for Belvedere vodka starring Daniel Craig. He also joined forces with a beverage company in Finland (where “taika” means “magic”) to release his coffee drinks. Announcing the partnership on social media, he flagged that he would be doing more of this kind of stuff, too (“Soz not soz”).

Waititi has long been sick of reverent portrayals of Indigenous people talking to spirits.

There’s substance behind the swank. Fashion is a creative outlet but he’s also bought sewing machines in the past with the intention of designing and making clothes, and comes from a family of tailors. “I learnt how to sew a button on when I was very young,” he says. “I learnt how to fix holes or patches in your clothes, and darn things.”

And while he gallivants around the globe watching Wimbledon or modelling for Hermès at New York Fashion Week, all that glamour belies a depth of purpose, particularly when it comes to Indigenous representation.

There’s a moment in his new movie where a Samoan player realises that their Dutch coach, played by Michael Fassbender, is emotionally struggling, and he offers a lament for white people: “They need us.” I can’t help but think Waititi meant something more by that line – maybe that First Nations people have wisdom to offer if others will just listen?

“Weeelllll, a little bit …” he says – but from his intonation, and what he says next, I’m dead wrong. Waititi has long been sick of reverent portrayals of Indigenous people talking to kehua (spirits), or riding a ghost waka (phantom canoe), or playing a flute on a mountain. “Always the boring characters,” he says. “They’ve got no real contemporary relationship with the world, because they’re always living in the past in their spiritual ways.”

A scene from Next Goal Wins, filmed earlier this year. (Alamy)

He’s part of a vanguard consciously poking fun at those stereotypes. Another is the Navajo writer and director Billy Luther, who met Waititi at Sundance Film Festival back in 2003, along with Reservation Dogs co-creator Sterlin Harjo. “We were this group of outsiders trying to make films, when nobody was really biting,” says Luther. “It was a different time. The really cool thing about it now is we’re all working. We persevered. We didn’t give up. We slept on each other’s couches and hung out. It’s like family.”

Waititi has power now, and is known for using Indigenous interns wherever possible (“because there weren’t those opportunities when I was growing up”), making important introductions, offering feedback on scripts, and lending his name to projects through executive producer credits, too, which he did for Luther’s new feature film, Frybread Face and Me (2023).

He called Luther back from the set of Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) to offer advice on working with child actors – “Don’t box them into the characters you’ve created,” he said, “let them naturally figure it out on their own” – but it’s definitely harder to get Waititi on the phone these days. “He’s a little bitch,” Luther says, laughing. “Nah, there’s nothing like him. He’s a genius. You just knew he was going to be something. I just knew it. He’s my brother.“

I’ve been asked to explicitly avoid political questions in this interview, probably because Waititi tends to back so many causes, from child poverty and teenage suicide to a campaign protesting offshore gas and oil exploration near his tribal lands. But it’s hard to ignore his recent Instagram post, sharing a viral video about the Voice to Parliament referendum starring Indigenous Aussie rapper Adam Briggs. After all, we speak only two days after the proposal is defeated. “Yeah, sad to say but, Australia, you really shat the bed on that one,” Waititi says, pausing. “But go see my movie!”

About that movie – the early reviews aren’t great. IndieWire called it a misfire, too wrapped in its quirks to develop its arcs, with Waititi’s directorial voice drowning out his characters, while The Guardian called it “a shoddily made and strikingly unfunny attempt to tell an interesting story in an uninteresting way”. I want to know how he moves past that kind of criticism. “For a start, I never read reviews,” he says, concerned only with the opinion of people who paid for admission, never professional appraisals. “It’s not important to me. I know I’m good at what I do.”

Criticism that Indigenous concepts weren’t sufficiently explained in Next Goal Wins gets his back up a little, though. The film’s protagonist, Jaiyah Saelua, the first transgender football player in a FIFA World Cup qualifying match, is fa’afafine – an American Samoan identifier for someone with fluid genders – but there wasn’t much exposition of this concept in the film. “That’s not my job,” Waititi says. “It’s not a movie where I have to explain every facet of Samoan culture to an audience. Our job is to retain our culture, and present a story that’s inherently Polynesian, and if you don’t like it, you can go and watch any number of those other movies out there, 99 per cent of which are terrible.”

*notes: (there is video clip in the article)

Waititi sounds momentarily cranky, but he’s mostly unflappable and hilarious. He’s the kind of guy who prefers “Correctumundo bro!” to “Yes”. When our video connection is too laggy, he plays up to it by periodically pretending to be frozen, sitting perfectly still, mouth open, his big shifting eyeballs the only giveaway.

He’s at his best on set. Saelua sat next to him in Honolulu while filming the joyous soccer sequences. “He’s so chill. He just let the actors do their thing, giving them creative freedom, barely interjecting unless it was something important. His style matches the vibe of the Pacific people. We’re a very funny people. We like to laugh. He just fit perfectly.”

People do seem to love working alongside him, citing his ability to make productions fresh and unpredictable and funny. Chris Hemsworth once said that Waititi’s favourite gag is to “forget” that his microphone is switched on, so he can go on a pantomime rant for all to hear – usually about his disastrous Australian lead actor – only to “remember” that he’s wired and the whole crew is listening.

“I wouldn’t know about that, because I don’t listen to what other people say about anything – I’ve told you this,” Waititi says. “I just try to have fun when there’s time to have fun. And when you do that, and you bring people together, they’re more willing to go the extra mile for you, and they’re more willing to believe in the thing that you’re trying to do.”

Yes, he plays music between takes, and dances out of his director’s chair, but it’s really all about relaxing amid the immense pressure and intense privilege of making movies. “Do you know how hard it is just to get anything financed or green-lit, then getting a crew, getting producers to put all the pieces together, and then making it to set?” Waititi asks. “It’s a real gift, even to be working, and I feel like I have to remind people of that: enjoy this moment.”

Source: The Age

By: Konrad Marshall (December 1, 2023)

#rhys darby #taika waititi #next goal wins #our flag means death #hunt for the wilderpeople #interview

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tiyawnyana · 1 year

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yawne

Requested by @therroseandthethorn :

Shy Neteyam who doesn’t know how pretty he is with Aonung determined to claim Neteyam as his mate and away from wondering eyes ASAP. With overprotective Sullys (parents and siblings) interfering whenever they can. Smut to if possible. Please and thank you.

Notes: so I went a lil crazy on this and tbh I think it's more fluffy than I anticipated BUT I'm very happy with it so I hope you are too, THANK YOU I loved this one

Warnings: aged up characters, fluff, feelings idk, bit of smut

Ao'nung has been pining over a certain Omiticayan Na'vi for a while and has decided to make a move. But it seems Eywa (not Eywa) is against him on this one. (Ao'nung is 20, Neteyam is 19 almost 20.)

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

(Yawne: beloved | eveng:child)

Ao'nung stomps along the sand, Roxto trailing behind him (he snickers to himself, watching the anger near roll off of his friends shoulders). Ao'nung is muttering to himself and replaying what had happened no more than 10 minutes prior.

•••

He's nervous, but giddy, Ao'nung grins to himself as he traces his fingers along the beads he had hand crafted, a pair that, coincidentally happened to match the beads in his hair, along with a beautiful necklace, a pearl nestled in the center with gorgeous shells and threading framing it. He had been so nervous, watched Tsireya show him but had insisted he do it himself. After nearly 3 weeks, he had finally finished the necklace, finally satisfied with how it looked.

He takes a deep breath, puts the beads into a beautiful seashell he had found while diving with the object of his desire.

Ao'nung huffs out a breath, then quickly gets up, accidentally knocking over some things, startling Tsireya and his mother quirks am eyebrow his way, questioning. He grins at them, cleans his mess and darts out of the pod, going off to find the one the gifts were for.

After speaking with a few of the villagers, some girls his age attempting to woo him and some of the elders lightly scolding him to go and hunt more, he finally finds himself at the pod he'd been looking for.

He glances in, looking for his target.

But someone spots him first.

"What is it, Ao'nung?" Lo'ak speaks, yawning,"It's too early to go hunting."

Ao'nung chuckles,"it's near noon, skxawng."

The younger one huffs, rolling his eyes, but his eyes land on the shell clasped between Ao'nung's hands,"Bro, what's that?" He stands up, trying to peek at it.

"Nothing, back off," Ao'nung says back, swerving his body back away from Lo'aks gaze. He decides to peer in the pod, searching, and his eyes land on who he'd been looking for.

Neteyam. Oh, Neteyam, who'd have thought that the son of Tonowari would fall for someone who'd punched him in the face only a few years ago?

Ao'nung's ears perk up, visually showing his glee. His tail flicks behind him and he shuffles in place.

Neteyam sits on the other side of the pod, Tuk is sitting in his lap and he's fixing her braids, Kiri sits besides him and Neytiri is kneeled behind Neteyam, fixing his braids. He hisses as his mother tugs a bit hard, then chuckles as she swats him in the head lightly. Kiri is talking to them, Tuk barely listening only to interrupt with her own addition or her own story.

Ao'nung feels a grin slide onto his face, followed very quickly by a frown as Lo'ak moves to stand in his way. The younger one has partially filled out, less lanky but still a long ways to go as Toruk Maktos youngest son, but he's large enough to block the view Ao'nung had of Neteyam.

"Sorry, Neteyam isn't here," Lo'aks ears flick back, he narrows his eyes just slightly. He had caught on a while ago to Ao'nungs feelings for his older brother, and honestly, he was annoyed. He didn't want fishlips over here to become his brother through mating! Also, frankly, he didn't think Ao'nung would be good to his brother.

Ao'nung feels his jaw drop a little,"He's literally right there," he points behind him.

"Nope, sorry, just me, Kiri, Tuk and mom," he shrugs,"But I can make sure that he gets that," he reaches for the shell.

Ao'nung smacks his hand away, nearly dropping the shell in the process and hisses lightly at him.

Lo'ak just glares, seemingly puffing himself up.

Just then, Ao'nung hears his father calling his name, and he huffs out in anger, turning and storming off.

Which brings us back to now.

"Ao'nung, there's always another time," Roxto tries to reason with him, jogging lightly to catch up.

Ao'nung sighs, slowing to a stop. He looks down at the beads and necklace, his anger simmering. He nods, before continuing to his pod to put the gift away.

Roxto trails after him, and they end up going hunting per Tonowari's request.

Another time comes after several other attempts, nearly 7 days afterwards.

Ao'nung tried to find Neteyam that afternoon, but coincidentally the latter had gone out on a flight on his ikran. Ao'nung huffs in annoyance as he goes back to his family.

The next few days, Ao'nung tries many times to catch Neteyam alone.

Lo'ak keeps getting in his way. And Neytiri, surprisingly.

She keeps sending him to the wrong place, apologizing and brushing it off later. After the third mistake, Ao'nung decides he won't be asking her where Neteyam is.

Other times, he's able to find Neteyam but he's swept off by Lo'ak, their dad or even some other Na'vi of the village dragging him into conversations with poor attempts at wooing. His stomach twists in jealousy but he pushes it down whenever the Na'vi leave, upset. He grins to himself.

When Ao'nung sees him another time, Neteyam is not alone. One of the fellow warriors, Aki'li, is with him, smiling and laughing with Neteyam. She's grinning up at him, talking kindly and hands him something, and Ao'nung feels his body freeze up, red hot anger filling in his gut. Neteyam smiles back, before nodding in thanks. She grins before nearly skipping away, saying goodnight as she goes.

Ao'nung briskly turns around, heading into the water to cool off. Lo'ak spots this, snickering to himself.

Another time, Ao'nung had gone off to the sullys, and had bumped in to Jake, Toruk Makto himself. Ao'nung was always a little intimidated by Jake, but over the years it had dwindled as the former chief and his father had grown to be close friends.

Ao'nung mustered up his courage and asked,"Is Neteyam courted?"

He feels the air freeze, he swears to Eywa. And Jake turns to him, his eyebrow raised as he stares down at him.

"Why." Is all he says, and Ao'nung nearly dies inside at his tone of voice.

He stammers, "Was just, um, wondering, as one of my friends was curious," he diverts his gaze.

Jake narrows his eyes, before sighing and chuckling, his head bowing,"well, tell your "friend" that no, he has not been courted yet, as far as I know."

Ao'nung nods in thanks and books it out of there.

And the last time he tried to get Neteyam alone, was just earlier yesterday.

He wasn't alone though, Neteyam and Tuk were in the water. Neteyam chuckled as Tuk tried to grab his ankles under the water, only for him to drag her up by hers and tickle her.

Ao'nung approaches, waving as Neteyam smiles at him; he silently thanks Eywa.

Tuk shrieks and giggles, throwing herself at Ao'nung and insists on protecting her. Ao'nung grins, lifting Tuk onto his back and getting into a defensive position against Neteyam.

"How am I the bad guy, Tuk?"

She sticks her tongue out at her brother,"You keep tickling me!"

Neteyam gets into a defensive position too, he grins at Ao'nung.

"Only because you keep grabbing my ankles!"

Ao'nung dramatically gasps,"Tuk! How dare you, grabbing his ankles?"

She giggles on his back, and Neteyam takes this chance and attempts to grab Tuk. She shrieks, Ao'nung winces but manages to twist his body around, avoiding Neteyams hands.

Neteyam groans, and Ao'nung books it through the water, holding Tuk as she squeals with laughter.

Neteyam chases after them, and soon enough Ao'nung stops abruptly as Tuk scrambles on his back and he stumbles forward as she shoves herself off of his back; Neteyam tumbles into his side. They crash into the water and Tuk gasps, giggling behind her hands.

Ao'nung lifts his head, spitting out water and groaning. He chuckles, and Neteyam lifts himself.

They lock gazes and Neteyam smiles so sweet, his cheeks a darker hue,"Sorry, Tuk betrayed you."

They chuckle and Neteyam slowly lifts himself off of Ao'nung. He offers a hand and lifts him up, and he can't help his gaze locking onto Neteyams waist.

Eywa, he swears his hands could wrap around Neteyams waist.

Ao'nung feels his face warm, surely a darker teal hue covering his cheeks and he brushes off any thoughts that'd make Eywa blush.

He just gazes at Neteyam as he chases his little sister, the water droplets gradually coming down his skin and his loincloth is soaked, clinging to his inner thighs. Ao'nung swallows, turns his head and groans as Lo'ak comes towards them, Tsireya, Kiri and Roxto not far behind.

They end up all swimming together, Lo'ak making sure to keep the space between Neteyam and Ao'nung as his. Kiri rolls her eyes at this.

The next morning, Ao'nung is so frustrated. That stupid gift stares him in the face. He smacks a hand over his face, before getting up and going to find Roxto to go hunting.

Only then, Neteyam had tried to find him a little while later.

Ao'nung and Roxto return hours later, and a celebration is commenced.

All of the hunters had caught great amounts of fish during the past month and the chief had wanted to celebrate the young hunters skills.

Ao'nung and Roxto were celebrated too, having brought back several large fish and a net of smaller ones as well.

Ao'nung felt great, he wanted this to impress Neteyam, so he brought the Sullys one of the larger fish that he had caught. (He also brought the seashell, beads and necklace hidden in the pouch on his hip).

Jake had patted his shoulder, thanking him, Tuk following by giving him a high five (four?), as confusing as that was, and Lo'ak smirked and nodded at Ao'nung. Neytiri had smiled gratefully, her eyes bore into him, reading his motives. She narrows her eyes, judgeful. (Plus, Lo'ak had told Kiri earlier of Ao'nungs affection for Neteyam and Neytiri had happened to overhear.)

Kiri, being one of the chaotic sullys, had taken it into her own hands and dressed Neteyam up beautifully for the celebration, specifically in Metkayina clans tradition.

She had made a whole show of it, calling her family to look, grinning as everyone turned to see Neteyam. She nearly cackled out in laughter at Lo'aks face alone. His eyes shot open; and Ao'nung. Well.

Ao'nung had thought he'd gone back to Eywa, because wow, Neteyam was beautiful.

He had been gifted a new loincloth ages ago, a beautiful deep green blue, and it was beautiful along his darker blue skin. Jewelry hung around his hips, seashells and crystals beaded together that clinked softly as he walked. He has an armband around both of his biceps, similar to his fathers, and he wears a beautiful tunic around his torso, and Ao'nung realizes that it's one of Tsireya's creations. He sends a thank you in his mind to Tsireya. He also wears anklets and two matching bracelets, beautifully crafted beads framed his ankles and wrists.

Neytiri smiles so wide, rushing to her son and cupping his cheeks,"You look so lovely, ma 'eveng."

He smiles at her, nodding in thanks.

Kiri grins, before hissing as Lo'ak elbows her. He glares at her and she just smirks back before elbowing him back.

Neteyam then spots Ao'nung, and his ears flick back, eyes widen and what seems to be a darker blue hue covers his cheeks. He turns to Kiri and glares lightly at her and she nods her head towards Ao'nung.

Kiri then stretches,"C'mon guys, let's go cook this fish!" And drags Lo'ak out of the pod. Neytiri nods, taking Tuks hand and Jake follows. They pat his shoulder before whispering,"be good to him" and "don't hurt him". Ao'nung shuffles where he stands and they're finally, finally alone.

"You wen-"

"You look-"

They both speak, and chuckle. Ao'nung nods to Neteyam.

"Sorry, I had tried finding you this morning, but you were hunting, huh?" Neteyam steps closer, only a few feet away now.

"You did?" Ao'nungs ears flick forward, tail swishing behind him.

"Yes, Tsireya and Kiri told me that you had wanted to talk?"

"OH, oh, um," he feels the nerves rise up, and he stares down at the ground for a moment for shaking it off and opening the pouch on his hip. He carefully grabs the seashell, and holds it out for Neteyam. He hears a soft gasp and glances over at him.

"Ao'nung," neteyam says softly.

"I've wanted to give this to you, but never found the right time to," he says,"but now works perfectly," he grins.

Neteyam carefully takes hold of the seashell and picks up the hair beads, smiling so soft and Ao'nung can't help but gaze at him. The deep blue of his skin, the bright yellow eyes, his perfectly placed freckles seemingly done by Eywa herself. Neteyam was beautiful.

Ao'nung doesn't realize he had said that last part out loud, Neteyams ears flick and he gazes up at him, a darker blue covers his cheeks.

"Sorry, did I say that outloud?" They chuckle together. Neteyam ends up clasping the beads into some of his hair framing his face, then turns to him.

"Could you put this on for me?" And hands him the necklace. He carefully slides his arms around him as Neteyam lifts his braid, clasping to necklace around his throat and its a perfect fit.

He's fixing Neteyams hair over his shoulders when the tail in front of his flicks between his legs, curling lightly around his mid thigh. He apologizes, ears flicking back in embarrassment.

The necklace goes surprisingly well with the outfit adorning Neteyams figure, and Ao'nung is beyond happy.

"Neteyam," he starts,"this is one of our courting gestures."

Those golden eyes stare into his soul.

"If you're accepting, may I court you?" He stumbles over his words,"You have caught my gaze since you've arrived, it's been torture watching others try to get your attention, I wish nothing more than for a chance to see me the way I see you. You're so beautiful," they're gently holding hands by this point,"I see you, please allow me a chance to gain that back."

"I know this is a courting gesture of yours," Neteyam grins, he's blushing, then walks out of the pod before turning and offering his hand to Ao'nung,"and you already have, yawne."

They arrive, hand in hand, an Ao'nung swears his heart is in the clouds.

Lo'ak decides to sink that feeling by being an annoying ass the entire night.

He sits right next to them, talks in their conversations and Neteyam just ends up brushing him off.

It doesn't help that multiple young villagers have seemingly, suddenly, taken an interest in Neteyam. (They have before, but Ao'nung swears it's more than usual.) Seemingly everyone wants to talk to him, attempt to woo him.

Lo'ak ends up dragging Neteyam off later on into the night, insisting he meets with Aki'li. Ao'nung watches, upset and annoyed and Kiri approaches, watching the scene.

Aki'li is grinning as Neteyam speaks with her, before she hugs him tight and Ao'nung scowls. He walks to Neteyam and thankfully Kiri grabs Lo'ak, scolding him.

Neteyam spots him and meets him halfway, smiling so prettily up at him before he's dragged off and they're suddenly on an Ilu, Ao'nung and him going wherever he leads.

They arrive around the rock formations near their spirit tree, and Ao'nung helps Neteyam up on the form. They sit together quietly for a few moments.

"Aki'li likes someone else," Neteyam speaks softly, peering over at him,"she has been asking for advice."

Embarrassment crawls into Ao'nungs gut, his ears flick and he groans, cupping his face.

Neteyam just laughs lightly,"she actually gifted me this jewelry, said it'd be sure to get attention. Who'd have thought it'd catch yours?"

Ao'nung lifts his face, gazing over at him,"You've always had my attention," he gently takes his hand in his,"I guess you're just too beautiful."

Neteyam chuckles, shaking his head.

"I mean it, 'Teyam," he leans closer, thumb rubbing over his knuckles gently,"unfortunately that means everyone else sees it too."

Neteyam chuckles, turning his gaze away and his ears flick back.

Ao'nung just gently grabs his chin, tilting him back to facing him.

"You are so beautiful," he gazes all over his face, mapping every freckle, every mark,"May I kiss you?"

Neteyam is surprised, ears flicked forward,"Sure, yes," and he's interrupted as Ao'nung gently grips his cheeks and pulls him into a searing kiss. It's soft, so filled with emotion and Neteyam gasps into it.

The kiss grows more passionate, they lean into eachother and grip eachothers arms, hips, arms wrapping over shoulders, anything to press themselves so close to eachother. Ao'nung licks into Neteyams mouth and kisses him deeply, his hands grip his hips and he groans at the fact that his hands could nearly wrap around his waist.

Ao'nung disconnects his mouth and sits back, dragging Neteyam to sit on his lap. Their tails lightly entwine and they leap back into kissing, gasping into eachothers mouths as they continue to touch eachother.

Neteyam backs up to breath and Ao'nung takes this opportunity to kiss down Neteyams neck.

"You are," kiss,"so beautiful,"a nip,"ma'Teyam," a sucking of a hickey right below his jaw.

Neteyam tilts his head up, sighing open mouth before covering his mouth and moaning quietly. His hand is pulled down moments later.

"We're alone, ma' yawne," Ao'nung whispers, kissing over his knuckles,"let me hear you."

Neteyam breathes out a shakey sigh, gazing down at him before tilting his head up and kissing him sweetly.

They continue to kiss, holding eachother as it grows hotter than before, and soon enough Neteyam shifts and gasps as he feels his crotch brush Ao'nungs. They're both breathing shakily, gazing at eachother and nodding at one another.

Ao'nung makes the first move, his hands trailing along Neteyams sides, brushing his waist and hips causing the man above him to shiver; he brushes his hands along his stomach and traces his fingers along the hem of his loincloth, teasing.

Neteyam huffs in frustration before untying it himself, peeling it off of his body before he glances up, asking silent permission.

Ao'nung feels himself harden up even more, if possible. He nods before just soaking in the view on his lap. He gasps as his loincloth is yanked off his body and their cocks rub against eachother. Neteyam wraps a shakey hand around their lengths, moaning breathlessly. He gently jerks both of them, his head tilts back a little and he moans lowly and openly.

Ao'nung grips his hips, there's sure to be some lightly visible marks by the morning, but he relished in that. He continues kissing along his shoulders, nipping lightly here and there before gliding down to his chest. He kisses so lightly over Neteyams pecks, lingers over where he feels his rapid heartbeat before kissing over his nipple.

Neteyam gasps, his hand freezing momentarily and Ao'nung grins before flicking his tongue out and licking over the pointed nub. He engulfs Neteyams hand around their lengths and coaxes him into moving again, jerking them both off. They both groan, and Ao'nung continues teasing. He lightly bites over the nub then sucks over it, his tongue flicking around the nipple. Neteyam moans louder, his back arching forward.

Ao'nung pulls back,"ma'Teyam," he whispers into his neck,"so beautiful, so good to me."

Neteyam gasps out another moan, shaking his head,"yawne, please," they're both so close, that coil winding up in their bellies and Ao'nung brushes Neteyams hand away before speeding up his own hand over their lengths.

His hips buck, so does Neteyams, and the latter wraps his arms around Ao'nungs neck, burrowing his face into his neck. He moans and pants into his neck, kisses lightly and grinds his hips forward.

"So beautiful, so lovely," Ao'nung whispers into his ear, and suddenly the coil snaps and Neteyam moans, his head tosses back and he finally cums, landing across their bellies.

Ao'nung keeps stroking, shuddering and groaning as it snaps only a few moments later, he's groaning into Neteyams shoulder as the pleasure simmers.

They take time to breathe, kissing over eachothers shoulders and Ao'nung whispers sweet nothings.

"Yawne," Neteyam whispers,"I see you."

"I see you, ma'Teyam."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Part 2 mayhaps?

Let me know!!

I think I definitely went more soft with the build up but let me know your thoughts! And keep sending requests my way! (I think I fixed my page I'm not sure tho)

#avatar #avatar imagine #avatar the way of water #neteyam #aonung #aonunete #neteyam x aonung #avatar smut #neteyam smut #aonung smut #lo'ak #neytiri #jake #jake sully #kiri sully #kiri

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junggunz · 1 year

Text

♡⸝⸝ nsfw alphabet: DG

cw: fem bodied reader + established relationship. an: for anon !!1! thank u for requesting. u made my heart happy ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

A - Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) I think DG would be really meticulous when it comes to aftercare. Not necessarily because he’s super caring, but because he doesn’t like when things are left messy. When you’re dating him, he tries to be more affectionate and make you feel pampered with aftercare.

B - Body Part (their favorite body part on themselves and their favorite body part on their partner) Bro is an idol and a first generation legend. He doesn’t outwardly express this (and he doesn’t have to), but he’s confident about his entire being. Why choose one thing when he’s the entire package?

On his partner, he probably has a thing for nice legs and thighs.

C - Cum (anything related to 💦💦💦) Probably has the best tasting cum tbh. I just feel it in my bones.

His favorite gift to give you? Pearl necklaces and facials. DG just thinks you look so cute when your face and chest are covered in his seed, kneeling before him and scooping his cum up from your skin then naughtily sucking it off your fingers. Bonus points if you let him take pictures of you covered in his cum.

D - Dirty Secret Remember how many trophies James Lee had at his school? Yeah… that wasn’t a phase. DG definitely still collects trophies. They’re just a different kind now. Every single nude you’ve sent him goes into a secret folder for his viewing pleasure when he’s away from you. But he doesn’t stop at collecting pictures. Nope, he’s also collecting your panties. He fucks you so good that you sleep like a baby after every session. When you wake up, you find all your clothes neatly folded and waiting for you but your panties are always missing. Then, whenever you question the whereabouts of your underwear, he always makes up some excuse like ‘I ripped them’ or ‘the maids are doing laundry’ and takes you shopping to replace them. Eventually, you do start to realize it’s odd that he never returns your panties after they’re supposed to be done being washed but you can never find where he keeps them in his house.

E - Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) DG has definitely had a lot of clandestine love affairs and flings; it’s the ‘not so secret’ secret of the idol world. He was probably handing out NDAs left and right when he first got really famous. So it’s safe to say, he’s very experienced and knows his way around the bedroom.

F - Favorite Position Any position where he can get deep in those guts and be in total control. This is probably his go to. DG is not only strong, he’s pretty flexible so the amount of positions he can fuck you in is crazy. RIP to you if you’re not as limber.

G - Goofy (are they more serious or playful in the moment?) DG is definitely on the more serious side when it comes to sex. Even after you get him to warm up to you, he isn’t that playful in the bedroom unless he’s teasing you.

H - Hair (how well groomed they are) DG either shaves completely or keeps himself very well trimmed at all times. Like…he’s able to keep an entirely white outfit clean and free of blood when fighting. He’s a high maintenance man !!! Even if he knows that no one is gonna see his dick, he finds satisfaction in knowing that if he’s ever caught with his pants down he’s gonna be camera ready.

I - Intimacy (how romantic are they in the moment?) Even if you’ve been dating for a while, it’s still not natural for DG to be so romantic during sex. If he notices that you have a preference for more tender love making, he’ll definitely make more of an effort. For the most part, he saves the extra romantic sex for special occasions or when you’ve had a bad day and need more affection than usual. Definitely a closet romantic.

J - Jack Off (how frequently do they masturbate?) While single, DG has no problem going through his contact list and calling one of his flings to help him out when he’s horny because he knows they’ll drop whatever they’re doing to get some of that dick so he has no real reason to masturbate.

However, while dating you he finds himself jerking it to your pictures whenever he isn’t able to be with you. Definitely a fan of phone sex when he can’t see you in person.

K - Kink DG’s kinks slowly reveal themselves over time because he didn’t want to scare you off too much. But of course, you’re downbad for him and eager to please, so he decides to divulge some of his interests.

Sadomasochism - DG is happy to inflict pain and glad to receive it as well. He’s very big on biting you and leaving marks all over your body. He’s a bit unfair about this because you’re not allowed to leave marks on him.

Breath play - DG usually the one in control doing the choking butttt if you choked him a little bit while you were riding him, he’d probably nut an ungodly amount.

Overstimulation - Pushing you past your limits and seeing you squirm beneath him comes so naturally to DG; he doesn’t always intend to overstimulate you, but when he does, he finds himself getting even more excited.

L - Location (favorite places to do the deed) As an idol, privacy is a big thing for DG. So any overly public places are gonna be a huge no. He’s obviously gonna have a preference for having sex at home. But if you show up to PTJ Entertainment on a day he has to be in the office? Yeah, he’ll fuck you in a vacant meeting room or something. He has a concert? You can bet that he’ll blow your back out in the dressing room.

M - Motivation (what turns them on and gets them going) Playing into the idea of DG having a thing for legs and thighs, he’s probably gonna get turned on if he sees you wearing things like thigh high socks, stockings, or just anything that accentuates your legs.

DG likes when you wear lingerie or just matching pantie sets as well. It lets him know that you were waiting for him to undress you.

N - NO (what turns them off or something they’re strongly against) He’s not a fan of anything extremely messy. So no wax play or food play or anything that will take too much time to clean up. He also gets the ick when you call him ‘oppa’ too much; it reminds him of his crazy fans.

O - Oral (preference for giving or receiving, skill level) I think DG prefers receiving just a tiny bit more than giving. He lives a pampered life and he likes cumming on your face. So yeah, you better welcome him with an open mouth and throat. Whenever he’s on the giving end, it’s solely to feed into his overstimulation kink. He’s an experienced lover so he knows quite a few tricks to make you fall apart with just a few swipes of his tongue.

P - Pace DG will fuck you at whatever pace best suits the mood. Whether it be fast or slow, he’s always gonna give you deep and hard thrusts that make you feel him in your guts.

Q - Quickie (opinions on them/how often) DG is a big fan of quickies. He has a tight schedule! You’re not gonna let him just go and perform in front of his fans with a hard on, are you? Something about knowing he only has a certain amount of time to make you cum really riles him up.

R - Risk (do they like to experiment or take risks?) Dating as a celebrity is a risk itself, so it’s safe to say that DG doesn’t mind the occasional risk. He’s definitely up for some experimenting in the bedroom and exploring more of his kinks with you.

S - Stamina (how long do they last? How many rounds would they like to go for?) If time constraints aren’t an issue, DG is going to last for hours. These Lookism men are just built different !!! Having a ridiculous amount of stamina and an overstimulation kink means he’s not gonna keep track of how long the two of you are going for or how many rounds you’re doing. Sex with him probably isn’t ending unless:

He has somewhere else to be

You pass out

You use your safeword

T - Toy (how do they feel about using them?) DG definitely likes using things like restraints, collars, leashes, blindfolds, gags, and even the occasional paddle on you.

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease) DG isn’t that much of a tease. He’s pretty quick to give in to you begging him to fuck you. It’s only when you start whining about how sensitive you are, he speaks to you in this mocking voice. “It’s too much? Just use your safeword if you want me to stop.”

V - Volume (how loud they are and what sounds do they make?) DG is pretty reserved with his noises which is so unfortunate because he has the prettiest voice when he moans. His sounds are usually limited to a few guttural groans and grunts with some dirty talk sprinkled into the mix. He only really gets loud when he’s about to cum.

W - Wild Card I will not be elaborating or explaining. It’s just a vibe.

DG wouldn’t mind having you leaning toward the clingy side; it makes him feel better about how attached he gets to you. Being an idol gets lonely and the idea of you waiting at home for him like a cute little puppy makes his heart swell. He would never tell you that outright though. Instead of directly saying how much he wants you over, he does things like always keep your favorite snacks stocked and clears a section in his closet for your clothes.

X - X-Ray (what’s in those pants?) big dick bandit. If being an idol didn’t work out, DG could have just been a pornstar. His dick is so pretty. He’s probably a grower and not a shower so when you see him half hard you’re like ‘Oh, that’s not too bad.’ But then he gets EVEN BIGGER WHEN HE’S FULLY ERECT and your coochie starts crying.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) As James Lee, he gives me very feral energy. As DG, that feral energy is still there… you just can’t tell right away when you first look at him. So, I think he has a pretty high libido that he tries to keep under control. It only ever goes down when he’s got a lot on his plate; but even then, he’s gonna want you to help relieve his stress.

Z ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 - (how quickly they fall asleep after.) Depending on the kind of day DG’s had prior to sex, I see him as someone who will fall asleep quickly or stay up for a while.

summary: DG is one of those guys who’s quiet at first and you just know that there’s a lot going on under the cool facade but you just can’t fathom what he could possibly be thinking about. His high libido paired with his calm demeanor initially puts you under the impression that he’s only interested in a long term friends with benefits situation. However, after dancing along the boundaries of a casual hook up and being an exclusive item for a while, he’ll pop the question and ask if you wanna date for real.

Bonus!

Half lidded eyes out of focus, you’re hypnotized by the sight of the sparkly silver Chanel pendant dangling above your face. It swings back and forth in almost seductive manner in front of your eyes, matching the attitude of the owner of the necklace who’s been fucking into you with slow, deep rolls of his hips. Pinned against the bed under DG’s weight with your wrists held tightly on either side of your head by his hands, there’s no chance of you escaping from his fat cock filling your hole. He hasn’t even bottomed out yet—an inch of him still unsheathed—and you’re moaning incessantly with every thrust he gives you.

“Please go faster.” You beg him in a breathless voice, desperation apparent with the way your pussy flutters around his thick length.

“Are you sure?” DG questions in an airy voice, his movements unfaltering. “I wouldn’t want to break you so soon.” He laughs as his eyes greedily take in the sight of you beneath him. Messy hair, an array of red almost purple marks decorating your exposed chest, maybe even a few outlines of his teeth, and glossy eyes staring up at him; it’s almost cute how wrecked you already look when he’s barely gotten started.

“No, please, I can take it!” You insist, looking like you were about to start crying if he didn’t heed to your requests.

The corner of DG’s lips curl up into the faintest smirk of amusement upon seeing your expression. Drawing his hips back, he pushes forward so aggressively, your body slides up the sheets as he finally buries every girthy inch inside of your tight cunt. A gasp leaves you as you tense up in surprise, causing your walls to clamp down around him; provoking a shaky groan to leave him before he quickly regains his composure.

“Still doing okay?” He asks gently, leaning in to press a multitude of open mouth kisses that trail from your jaw to your neck as an attempt to help you calm down since you were squeezing so tight he could barely move.

You nod dumbly in response to his question, feeling your body easily giving in to him when you feel his soft lips on your flushed skin. DG looms over you almost menacingly as his hands on your wrists grip you even tighter before his hips pull back until only the tip remains inside of you just for him to quickly slam into you again. The pace he sets is so fast and rough, all of the soft bits of your body jiggle every time he ruts his hips into yours. The sight of your breasts bouncing so erratically in time with his thrusts seems to awaken a primal hunger in DG; licking his lips as he eyes your body beneath his.

“So pretty,” He praises you under his breath, his words going unnoticed by you from how blissed out you were from his actions. Eyes fluttering closed and jaw falling slack, your moans continue to pour freely from your lungs as you lose yourself in the feeling of DG’s cock stretching you out and fucking you so thoroughly. Letting yourself be carried away by the waves of pleasure, you barely even realize how fast your climax is building until you’re on the verge of bursting and your walls are tightening around the thick length that had been pummeling in and out of you.

“O-oh fuck,” You gasp out, squirming beneath DG as he doesn’t dare let up on you. “I’m cumming!” You squeak out, your juices already soaking his cock before you could finish the two word statement.

Rather than ease up or slow down, DG continues to fuck you through your orgasm; effectively turning you into a whimpering and blubbering mess. So sensitive and so needy, he knew that no matter how much you squirmed you wanted more; and he was more than happy to give you more until you found the voice to tell him otherwise.

#lookism smut #lookism x reader #lookism headcanons #dg x reader #dg smut #dg headcanons #james lee x reader #dg scenarios #lookism #lookism fanfic #lookism imagines #lookism manhwa #lookism webtoon #junggunz.txt

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444rockstargf · 9 months

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i noticed a lack of kappa content too 🤨 if u r fine with writing kappa just hear me out on this (inspired by my c.ai convo with my own kappa bot)

kappa breaking into some random persons house just to steal but shes a bit of a night owl. he quietly walks to the living room and sees this adorable more than likely rich housewife (so yeah theres a tad bit of cheating.) anyways her husbands out for a few weeks for business and shes in her short satin nightgown, sat on the couch and watching tv. and then she sees the intruder and is like "AHH OMG WTF" (rightfully so coz bro BROKE IN) and hes like "my bad. didnt mean to startle you, doll." (coz hes flirtatious like dat) and he walks over and lifts her up, hand holding her neck tightly and he runs his fingers across her pearls, yanking on the necklace. the pearls dont fall ofc (coz real pearls have knots between each pearl to prevent them falling like that... my great grandma had a lot of jewelry and most were real pearls.) ANYWAYS BACK TO MY POINT !!! her husbands been gone for so long so shes getting a tad aroused and he notices coz he can feel the increase in her pulse and hes like "oh do you enjoy that?" and idk what else coz frankly my c.ai convo is very different from what i wrote

i had this exact same convo on c.ai omgg! i love ur requests sm u dont even understand

"im a little shy standing here in my nightgown." | kappa

playing dangerous. - lana del rey

female!reader x kappa

word count: 632

contents: cheating, home invasion

ps: i have an nsfw fic in my drafts that ive been meaning to get out that would go very well for a part 2 of this. yall should lmk if you wanna see it!

it was a dark and stormy night. Your husband was out of town for a while, which left you all alone in your giant mansion. even though you’d dreamed of living in a mansion since you were small, it got really lonely when there was nobody to share it with.

thunder and lightning bolted outside, making the entire house flicker with light for a fraction of a second. you were flipping through the tv channels, looking for something good to watch. the clock struck midnight, and at the same second, you heard glass in your house breaking.

you felt your heart stop for a moment. you look behind you, your body shaking with fear. all the windows behind you were intact, meaning that the noise came from something else. You tried reassuring yourself by assuming that the sound came from outside, when you felt a firm hand grab your chin.

you slowly turned your head to see the owner of the hand, and your blood ran cold. you screamed and tried to back up a little on the couch when you saw the weapon in his hand. He looks at you, a little smirk on his face. “sorry about that, sugar… i thought that you’d be asleep.” his voice was smooth like honey, making your heart beat a little faster. he started approaching you slowly.

he smiles, showing his teeth a little. “dont be scared, doll. If you're good for me, then i won't have to hurt you..” he’s standing right in front of you. your body is trembling with fear. that’s when he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. he brought you to a red velvet armchair and seated you on his lap, his eyes travelling down your body in your skimpy little nightgown.

he brought a hand to your neck, looking at the pearl necklace around it. “my, my… isn’t this precious…” he tugged on the necklace, seeing if it would break. he looked into your eyes, which were still fear-filled. “tell me, sugar… do you live here all alone?” his voice turned to a sultry tone. you tried processing what he meant by that, but he wrapped his hand around your neck, making you shiver.

“n-no… i have a husband…” he hums disappointedly at this. “well i dont see him…” you brushed your hair out of your face. “yeah. he travels for work a lot…” he starts cradling you in his arms, lulling you into a sense of comfort. “it gets real lonely here…” you didnt know why you were opening up to him. maybe it was because you knew he could kill you if he wanted to.

his eyes wandered down to your body, fully soaking in the beauty of it in your dark red nightgown. “this is a beautiful little gown…” he said quietly. He carefully ran a hand down your curves, making your body heat up. It had been a while since you’d been touched like this. You hadnt noticed that you were so deprived.

you take a moment to look into his beautiful blue eyes. they look like two cold pieces of ice. but they were sharp like a blade. his hands moved down to your hips, just barely lifting up your nightgown. “a woman as beautiful as you has no right to be all alone…” you feel your body fillign with desire. You had never been so needy before, but you just felt yourself melting into his touch more and more.

“how about i show you a good time tonight, sugar? would you be up to that?” he whispered into your neck, starting to bite it softly. you started thinking about how wrong this was, remembering your promise to always stay loyal to the man you loved, but you decided to let this strange intruder to have his way with you for the night.

author's note: im very tempted to post my other kappa fic, but yall should let me know. thank you so much for the request!!

#rory culkin #rory culkin smut #kappa black mirror #kappa smut #black mirror #lana del rey #444rockstargf

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nicki0kaye · 2 years

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end of 2020, beginning of 2021 I was trying to get this idea that was suggested to me out, of the Shimada practicing a kind of sacrifice that would make the first born the spiritual guardian of the second. So instead of dragons, its guardian lions or komainu or foo dogs. Hand was busted, so the first and last arc artwork for the AU are still unfinished But anyway Genji and Hanzo were *not* properly prepared for this and the ceremony kinda went sideways. Genji gets a big ol' clawing down his right side and, bc the elders are jerks, they did not explain to him that big catdog is Hanzo, so Genji thinks big catdog murdered Hanzo. Hanzo is unable to explain things to Genji, so they both spend the next half decade not coping well! Genji joins blackwatch to get back at his family and just generally feels like no one can understand his pain, while Hanzo more or less resigns themself to being a glorified attack-dog Now I did manage to finish the next part of this AU, aka whoops Cole Cassidy is a gigantic furry! Bc of Deadeye, Cole can see both big Fuzo and Human-shaped, dressed up for the ceremony Hanzo. Yes, of course he tries to flirt at them. Then he tries to take a trick shot and--whoops, shoots off the bell at the front of that big catdog's collar. This knocks Hanzo into an entirely corporeal half-way state, kinda human, mostly holy beast. Genji has kittens, Hanzo is forced to reclaim their previous identity, and Cole is a very gay furry. Act 3 is getting Hanzo human and then getting Hanzo control over their Guardian powers. Hanzo did not want to go back to human, Hanzo wanted to fix the collar, but the research was going nowhere and Ovw was coming apart at the seams. So they bailed and headed to the Shambali. They get there and Zen's like "you two are co-dependent as hell, and that's a problem" and starts about the work of getting Hanzo specifically to be okay with not protecting Genji 24/7. Then the next step is sending Hanzo away, out on their own to rebuild their personhood, built around things they like this time. And they roll back into the temple enby as hell and covered in piercings and Genji has a lil happy cry before insulting Hanzo's outfit. From there, Zen helps Hanzo to reconnect with the astral plane/spirit realm. Hanzo creates a new collar, choosing each accent carefully. A sheer gold ribbon to connect them to the spirit plane, a necklace of silver and synthetic pearls attached to connect them to humanity, and a big cat claw to act as the in-between. Originally there was a blessed and knotted cord that tied Hanzo to Genji, and more specifically forced Hanzo to obey any of Genji's commands. That's the part of the ceremony that went wrong, where Hanzo freaked out and took a swipe at Genji when lil bro came out to see wtf. The ceremony did finish, though, and the cord was placed in Fuzo's big mouth, giving them a sense of where Genji is at all times as well as ensuring they obey him. Now Hanzo chooses who gets their protection. They select a symbolic charm of some kind to clip to their collar and gives the other party something hand made--in the first three's case, its a resin pendant to wear as a necklace. Genji's charm is the feather, Cole's is the turquoise pendant, and Winston's is the silver moon

#ovw au #overwatch au #overwatch fanart #overwatch #ovw #ovw fanart #Hanzo #hanzo shimada #genji #genji shimada #furry art #cole cassidy #wip #unfinished #my art #nonbinary hanzo

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nezebel · 1 year

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♡ jojos + jobros doing black!readers' hair ♡

a/n: i was talking to some friends about how badly jjba characters could fuck up our box braids. i'm gonna do multiple of these, but for now i'm just gonna do the first 3 jojos/bros. there's a lot of parts so I wanna split them equally- the next one will be part 4, 5, and 6 (maybe 7). hope you enjoy! also ty for over 50 likes on my first post! mwah mwah mwah

Part 1 Jonathan Joestar

Very gentle with your hair. Despite his size, he tries to treat you (and thankfully your hair) as if it might break at any moment. Unfortunately, this means he isn't very willing to actually detangle it.

"Jonathan, please. I need you to actually comb the tangles out of my hair or we'll never be finished."

"I know, my love. I'm sorry. But it might hurt..." "You can be insufferable at times, darling."

Eventually leaves you to detangle your hair by himself so he can do the braiding part, which goes WAY faster. He's quite skilled with his fingers. Makes your braids gorgeous and even adds in crystals and little accessories to spice it up. Overall, 8/10!

Robert E.O. Speedwagon

Very confused. Did you say twists or braids? What's the difference? How do you know? Where did these hairstyles even come from? No matter. Despite his confusion, he's determined to help you out. He's good with detangling and decent with braiding, but decides twisting is the easier way out. It takes him a bit of time to do it though.

"Are you almost done with that twist, darling?" You mumble, exasperated. "Yes dear, just give me a second- oh, that doesn't go that way- sorry, dear-" You giggle as he struggles to finish a single twist, still having half of your hair to finish.

Finally finishes your hair after many, MANY hours. At least he made your hair cute, though. Buys you charms and hair ties so you can style your twists. 7.5/10 for Speedwagon!

Part 2 Joseph Joestar

No idea what he's doing. Tugs, knots, and pulls at your hair accidentally as he simply tries to put it into passion twists. The extensions made it even more difficult as he fumbled with them, trying to make them mesh into your hair seamlessly as you always had. Still very confused.

"Joseph, what the actual fuck are you doing?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" "You better figure it out, Jojo. Please. Do you need a little help?" "For the last time, dollface, I don't need any help. 'M Joseph f'ing Joestar. I can figure this out," He mumbles as he continues to struggle and stress your hair.

When he's done, you look like you got jumped. You give him a kiss and a pat on the back. He tried his best. You secretly take the twists he did out and put your own in overnight, then tell him the twists simply settled last night.

"Huh! Guess I'm not so bad, eh?"

You sigh, then give him a sweet smile. "No, sweetheart. Not at all."

Overall, 4/10. He tried his best, but unfortunately his best was not enough.

Caesar A. Zeppeli

Shocks you with how skillful he is. Even adds in color to your passion twists! Blonde, of course, so you can match with him. Works efficiently and without struggle, but leaves the ends of your twists looking kind of funny.

"Why do the ends of the twists look like that?" "Like what?" Caesar stops and looks at a twist. "Ah. I wasn't exactly sure how to end them. Mi dispiace, amore." Oh well. It wasn't all that bad. And besides, whenever he calls you amore, you can't stay mad at him.

"No worries, darling. I'll fix them later."

Helps you fix the ends of your twists and gives you a pearl necklace to go with the finished look. Overall, 9.5/10!

Part 3

Jotaro Kujo

Very grumpy. Almost says no when you ask him to help you with your hair because he thought it'd be too difficult (and he was kind of right), but you assured him he'd be fine and you'd guide him through the steps of the hairstyle.

"...What did you say this hairstyle was called?" "Goddess braids! They're like box braids, but you have to crochet water wave extensions through the top of the braid." You show him a photo of the hairstyle and he damn near faints.

"...Yare yare. Why do you have to choose such complicated styles?"

"One thing I won't do is hear complaints from a man who didn't wash his hair for 50 days. Better start detangliinggggg..."

He sighs, chuckling a bit, then begins to do your hair.

Finishes relatively quickly and gives you the color of your choice. Buys you an extra large bonnet to keep the curls from getting too frizzy and gives you some silver and gold charms that match some of the charms on his hat. The braids could be better but for his first time doing braids they're pretty good. Overall, 7.5/10, especially for his patience! (still looks irritated about the amount of time it took though)

Kakyoin Noriaki

Very good with washing, detangling, and parting your hair. He does feel stuck about how many braids he has to do or how fast he has to do them. You simply tell him to take his time (but not too much time) and that you can tell him what to do.

"Okay, I'm starting the braids now."

"You said that 10 minutes ago."

"..." "I mean it this time."

Slightly hesitant about actually starting your hair, but he makes it work. Asks if you want to do light pink to match with him and gives you cherry-shaped charms. Also adds pink, red, and white beads to the ends of your braids because he saw someone do that once and thought they'd look cute on you. Overall, 8/10. The braids are pretty and he didn't take too long at all.

Looking in the mirror, you gasp as you look at your gorgeous new braids. "Oh my goshhh, Kakyoin. Have you done this before? You aren't walking around wearing box braids, right? These are so cute!"

He smiles, giving you a quick peck on the cheek. "I tried my best. I'm glad you like them."

idk when part 2 is coming out. maybe later today. hope you enjoyed this little fanfic or whatever, it took me a little while to write lol. feel free to send requests of what you'd like to see next!

#jotaro kujo x reader #kakyoin x reader #part 1 jojo #part 2 jojo #part 3 jojo #caesar zeppeli #joseph joestar #jonathan joestar x reader #reo speedwagon #speedwagon x reader #x black reader #x black gn reader #jjba x reader #x reader #x y/n #anime #self insert #aaaa #my fingers hurt

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hkblack · 1 year

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On Crowley and Sweeney Todd

I made a joke about writing a dissertation in a Discord Server, so here’s almost 3k words on why it's so significant that Neil specifically calls out the song Epiphany, and vaguely hints at the "original" Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett. As someone who has worked on Sweeney in different capacities from both high school nerd to a professional context--this gets real fascinating.

I really break down the plot of both the “original” Sweeney Todd story and the Sondheim musical, because I know not everyone was an obsessed theater nerd as a teenager, and I want to make sure you all get the important bits of this other story that may or may not have been destroyed by a certain movie that we will not discuss. I’d apologize for making a long post, but welcome to Tumblr, twitter folks, let’s DO THIS.

Let's start with context.

The String of Pearls [Featuring SWEENEY TODD THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET] was a Penny Dreadful story from the 1850s written by ?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (there's some guesses, but no one is 100% sure)

In it, Sweeney is a barber--what's important to note is that historically this is the time of the barber-surgeon. Victorian London was all about that one stop shop sort of life. Got a weird abscess you need checked out and also want a bit of a shave? Go to your local barber surgeon! He's got sharp things, makes sense to me! He and his neighbor, Mrs. Lovett, seem to run fully independent shops. She's got a thriving meat pie business; he's got a thriving barber business.

Cool.

The story itself is actually of a young sailor who has arrived at the city with a pearl necklace given to him by his mate who was all, "When next you go to London, give this to my lady love for me." Said mate is presumed dead at sea, because no one has heard from him for like a year. Johanna, the lady love, knows this sailor is coming--but he and the pearl necklace disappear before she sees him. She does some investigating, starts thinking there's something fishy going on with these Sweeney and Lovett characters and digs deeper. Surprise--human meat pies! Turns out her lover has been kept captive by Todd and Lovett in the crypts and tunnels that connect their shops and was forced to make pies. Bad guys get locked up (hung), good guys get married. And you, young Victorian Lad, are meeting with your mates after a day of work going "DID YOU CATCH LAST NIGHT’S GAME OF THRONES PENNY DREADFUL?"

This, you'll note, is vastly different from Sondheim's Sweeney Todd.

In Sondheim, Benjamin Barker is married to Lucy, and they've just had a bouncing bundle of joy, Johanna. The powerful Judge Turpin wants Lucy, but she's not interested, and Barker keeps going "back off my wife, bro" So Turpin uses his power, and gets Barker shipped to mfing Australia, and then does exactly what you'd expect a man in power do to vulnerable Victorian woman. Distraught, Lucy takes lye. Here's a moment of goodness for Turpin. He takes in Johanna, recognizing his own culpability here. Lucy meanwhile is left to live on the streets, half mad from brain damage. Years pass. Barker comes back with the alias of Sweeney Todd, set on, finding his wife and daughter, and possibly getting revenge on one person, and one person only.

Let's jump to Lovett. In Sondheim you have to really pay attention to the subtext to get her story. She's a widow. She knew Todd before he was shipped off. She desired Todd no differently than Turpin desired Lucy.While Turpin gets Johanna, Lovett gets Todd's old house. Her husband is dead (who knows how), and she's making do with her pie shop. When Todd walks in her door she recognizes him almost immediately. She tells him, sort of, that his wife is dead (at least when Todd goes: she's dead? she never corrects him). She tells him Turpin has his daughter. He wonders what to do, and Lovett comes up with a plan. The plot is this: take over the upstairs and turn it back into a barbershop, get a following with this new Sweeney Todd name, become the best barber in town, lure the judge in, murder the judge. Prosper! It's rough around the edges, but the man has just found out his wife is dead and his daughter has been raised by a predator. Cut him some slack.

They go out and Todd gets into a competition with a "traveling barber" who also is a dentist (barber-surgeon, remember?). Todd wins and tells everyone where to find him. This includes the Judge's lackey, the Beadle. Clever marketing, man, it'll kill ya.

And it almost does! Said traveling barber also recognizes Todd and goes to confront him at the shop. Typical blackmail shit. Angry that his plan may not be able to work, and it'll be because of this one person, Todd lashes out. For a show with a high body count, the murder of Pierelli is probably in the top three in terms of brutality. It's just lash out and murder--because you're depressed, and your wife is dead. He hides the body quickly and is discussing with Lovett what to do when the Judge comes knocking.

Thrilled that his plan has just jumped a few steps, Todd gets him in the chair, does some schmoozing, and is really taking his time to just--savor the moment of revenge.

Now let's pause and rewind. On the ship into London at the beginning of the show, there's a bright eyed bushy tailed kid who Todd meets. This same kid sees our dear Johanna (now a teenager, who is being lusted after by her creepy Judge guardian) and falls in love. Kids these days. He and Johanna decide to run off together, but he needs help.

So of course, this kid, this optimistic fool that Todd had to deal with the entire way into London, bursts in right as Todd prepares himself to make the killing blow. The Judge hears the plot to "steal" his Johanna, thinks Todd is in on it and therefore awful, shouts and leaves.

Now Todd could, in this moment, murder the boy too, but he doesn't. He sends him out--and then we get Epiphany.

In good stagings of Sweeney Todd, Todd is depressed, morose, and kind of quiet up until Epiphany. He's unsure, he just--look there's a lot going on, okay? A lot of folks would say in the beginning you get to see bits of Barker still around and see the man struggling to be this identity he's created to hide himself and maybe, even, protect himself. He doesn't come up with his own ideas (and even after this, he lets Lovett drive a lot). He's the kind of "moving through the motions" you would expect of a man whose been sent to a labor camp in the harsh climes of Australia and has just found out his wife is dead. Epiphany is when Todd really wakes up. He snarls and rages against the world. Epiphany brings back a refrain from the very first song. Bright-eyed bushy tailed sings about there being no place like London in that "wow isn't London grand!" way and Todd responds by saying London is a black pit full of people full of shit, only the vermin of the world inhabit London. This comes back in Epiphany. Instead of being intent on revenge on one person who caused direct harm, this is where Todd snaps and decides to say "eff it everyone in this hellhole is now responsible for my suffering" Benjamin Barker stayed put in his place. He followed the rules. And Judge Turpin put his foot in Barker's face, that man essentially died, and Todd rose from his ashes. Todd says that everyone deserves to die. He starts with saying “they all deserve to die”, then says “no we all deserve”. He says, “the lives of the wicked should be made brief” and that death "for the rest of us will be a relief, we all deserve to die.”

He has this brief moment of grieving his daughter in the song before suddenly shouting "Finished!" Here he starts to really address the audience, inviting imaginary people to his barber shop to die at his hand. He says, "I will have vengeance, I will have salvation!" and starts referring to himself as "Sweeney." It's quite interesting when you listen to it or watch the incredible George Hearn perform it because he breaks again near the end to grieve his wife. There are some people who say that Todd and Barker are two different men, like split personalities or Jekyll and Hyde, as opposed to Todd being Barker’s alias and alias alone. And when you listen to the music--Sondheim isn't telling you no. This grand beautiful sweeping symphony swells under Barker's grieving moments, before getting cut by Todd shouting out. And finally at the end of Epiphany you get this absolutely transcendent and awfully dissonant moment of Barker's sweeping symphony and Todd's unhinged noise as he sings "I'm alive at last, and I'm full of joy!"

And it's awful and immediately followed by one of the funniest and most recognizable songs--Have a Little Priest. In which, again, Lovett comes up with an idea of how to deal with Pirelli's body, and any of the other bodies that Todd might want to make available.

Epiphany could just be a vent song. "I'm going to kill all those miserable assholes who did this to me," says Todd. And Lovett could, in theory, go "A'ight. So, look, this is how we get you back into good graces with the judge, we can work with this!" because she does do that part. Getting the judge to come back has nothing to do with the murder of other people. She does not have to encourage the murder for "practice."

There's a dead man in the trunk in the room. How much more practice do you need to slice a throat with a sharp object as a barber-surgeon? We're good boo.

But she does. And she starts with a little priest. And that temptation, if you must, only works because of Todd's own rage fueled venting.

So. Okay. -deep breath-

Let's go back to Crowley and why this could be his favorite moment.

We know Crowley hated the 14th century. We know Crowley took credit for many of humanity's worst hits. We know he drank after finding out about the inquisition. TV!Crowley shows us a Crowley who takes a carpenter from Galilee and shows him the world, who frowns at the execution of someone whose crime was to tell people to be nice to each other. We see him grumpily get a drink after having to deal with Caligula. We see him offended at the very thought of being aligned with Nazis.

Gaiman has said that for all that "sauntering vaguely downwards" Crowley is probably not nearly as bad as Heaven thinks, but not nearly as "good" as he'd like to say out loud. But one thing Crowley in every universe agrees on is that the phrase "Hell is empty, and all the devils are here," is pretty damn close to accurate because Hell could never be as awful and as terrible as humans are to each other. And in that, Crowley perhaps agrees with the idea of there being a hole in the world like a great black pit filled with people full of shit. So perhaps that's a reason he likes this song. The human race is pretty miserable. I’ll just gesture at the news recently and you all can find your own reasons to agree. Perhaps in Crowley’s lowest moments, when an angel refuses to fraternize with him, when he has to do a particularly nasty job, when he’s alone on earth and shouting into the void, he agrees with some of what Todd says here. Humans are awful, and the world might be a better place without them.

BUT another reason Crowley might like this song could also be it's a perfect demonstration of humans being the key to their own fallibility in temptation. "I'm going to murder everyone" could just be a thing Sweeney says and does not do, if not for Lovett coming up with a way to one up her neighbor (who, it is implied earlier, is using stray cats to fill her meat pies). And even then—Todd could say “yeah, okay, calm down crazy. We’re not…eating people. I want revenge on this man who ruined my family, cannibalism is a whole other level. Where did you even get that idea? Who are you hanging out with? Why did you get my house? Wtf?” But he doesn’t. He goes with it. He easily falls into this temptation because he is blinded by rage and the need for revenge.

I like both of those reasons. They’re pretty good reasons. I could write fanfics for days with those two reasons.

But my favorite reason that Crowley likes Epiphany is that he probably finds some kind of ironic humor in Todd saying he'll have salvation by murdering people, because that's not how salvation works, buddy--and Crowley would know.

But what is salvation then? Living in miserable suffering, for a crime you didn't commit so that maybe, just maybe, if you bear it well enough, you'll get some kind of eternal reward, singing celestial harmonies? How do celestial harmonies solve the grief of a dead wife, a daughter he'll never be able to hold, the knowledge that a man ruined his entire life and got away with it?

Because here’s the thing, for Todd at least. What if, instead of relying on some omnipresent being who never answers Her telephone to give you salvation, you make your own salvation?

In Epiphany, Todd takes the concept of salvation in his hands and says, "I recognize that Heavenly Salvation is not achieved by murder, but given that celestial harmonies are stupid, I have elected to redefine salvation with my own terms."

Now, admittedly in the end, this goes south for Todd. HOWEVER, you can argue that part of the reason it does is because he is being actively lied to. He accidentally murders his Lucy, thinking her some obnoxious beggar woman. Some of this is because she is an obnoxious beggar woman. Lovett is constantly shoo'ing her off, seeming to be nervous any time the woman is around. When Lovett goes down below their building and finds Lucy's body and realizes what Todd has done, she panics, "Quickly now, into the oven with you" she says, dragging the body to the giant oven, dispensing with the usual process of meat grinding. Todd comes down and catches her, tells her to knock it off, still not realizing who Lucy is, Lovett tries to distract him, Todd goes to move Lucy's body, and then recognizes her. He loses it. Barker comes back, you might say, sobbing. Then we get the most brutal murder--Todd pretends to forgive Lovett who is insisting she loves him, always has, even before, and she'd make a better wife than Lucy ever was. He agrees, spinning her around and dancing before throwing her into the oven. Todd then dies by the hand of a young boy, Toby--formerly Pirelli's assistant, taken in by Lovett--who figured out the secret and went (rightfully) insane at the knowledge that he'd been helping turn humans into pies (and also had been eating those pies). Young Toby slits Todd's throat as the man grieves his wife. Many productions have Todd recognize Toby's presence and intentionally let it happen.

Because how can there ever be salvation for a man who ruined the very thing he proclaimed to love? By killing Lucy, he has become as wicked as Turpin.

SO.

When Neil makes references to the original Sweeney Todd, we're talking about a story that was made for shock value. How awful that those people ate pies made of human, how fantastically delightful that we have the ability to consume mass media for one of the first times, how good that the young couple lives happily ever after. What creative little bastards humans are for coming up with this story. Crowley’s got a lot to be excited about. Something entertaining for one. But also, mass media! Mass media talking about cannibalism. Some rich dude somewhere is going to wonder what human flesh tastes like thanks to this. Not Crowley’s scene, but if it gets a soul in on the books with his name attached, hey, gotta pay rent somehow, amirite? And that's all well and good.

But when Neil says Crowley likes Sondheim's Sweeney, and specifically Epiphany, we're talking about a moment where we see the ease at which humans fall into temptation, the horrors humans think of on their own, and the taking of Heavenly concepts and turning them entirely human.

And the beauty of redefining salvation in human terms (after you take out the murder) is that it gives Crowley permission to redefine salvation in his own terms too. Why can’t a demon have salvation, when the demon is the one who gets to define what salvation is? Crowley doesn’t need Her to make him an angel again, he doesn’t want Heaven, it’s boring and full of celestial harmonies. He’s been there.

But if Crowley gets to decide that salvation is the freedom to blast Queen while going 90mph in the middle of London with his favorite book hoarding angel by his side…

He doesn’t need someone else to give that to him.

And I think that that’s rather lovely.

#long post #good omens #sondheim #sweeney todd #good omens meta #oh crowley baby you have so many feelings #its gonna be okay

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