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ohbo-ohno · 6 months

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loneliness and fallen woman with price please! happy 1000 followers ❤️

1k game here - no more please!

alright anon. i gotta be real with you, i barely used the prompts you gave and for that i really am sorry. i wrote like 1k of this about three different times because they kept just not being quite right, and they got increasingly further and further from the prompts. sorry!

2.6k of reader x local crime kingpin price. no smut! (the background plot and "worldbuilding" here is really weak, but just ignore it lol)

You know you’re doing something stupid, but that seems to be all you’re capable of these days. The last few weeks have been nothing but stipid decision after stupid decision, your absolute stupidest decision leading you to this exact moment.

You should’ve never slept with John Price. You should’ve known, should’ve recognized his face, but you’d been a little tipsy and a little desperate, and hadn’t connected the very common name John with the very well known criminal John Price.

No, that had come the next morning, when you’d woken up before him and been able to really take a look at him, completely sober. Him and the gun in its holster resting on his folded pile of clothes.

You should’ve recognized him long before then, and you should’ve turned tail and run. You shouldn’t have let him buy you a drink, you shouldn’t have let him coax you into dumping all your troubles onto him, and you certainly shouldn’t have slept with him.

You’d left before he could wake up and say God knows what, fear pumping through your veins at the realization of who you’d slept with. You’d nearly knocked yourself out trying to get dressed, almost fallen on top of him before you managed to stumble out of the hotel room he’d bought for you.

Everyone knows John Price. No one ever really bothers to detail why he’s dangerous, but they all seem confident he is. You’re a recent transfer to the area, and you still haven’t been able to get anyone to really say why they always whisper when they say his name.

What you do know about him is that every few weeks, almost routinely, you hear that he’s been arrested. Then two or three days later, like clockwork, it’s announced that he’s escaped, always thought to be “armed and dangerous”. His mugshots are shown on TV enough that it’s truly surprising you hadn’t recognized him at the bar.

You always figured you’d never run into him. You don’t exactly lead a life of crime, don’t exaclty put yourself in harm’s way. You work a boring nine to five job, have dinner with friends every couple weeks, occasionally meet up with someone from a dating app, and never really stray from that. Had he not happened to be in the same bar as you, you never would’ve met him, never would’ve slept with him, and never would’ve been hunting him down now, weeks later.

Hell, you might not have even slept with him had you not just been stood up by what was supposed to be a first date on the same day you’d lost out on a promotion. But a few shots, that loneliness that grows more and more familiar every day, a simmering frustration in your career, and a handsome man are not a good combination for your self control.

But you had slept with him, had been especially stupid and not even worn protection - something you’d only really noticed the next morning, when you felt… him still leaking from you, saw that there was no condom wrapper.

And now here you are - stood in that same run down bar you’d first met him in, wearing an old hoodie and your favorite sweatpants, three positive pregnancy tests tucked in your front pocket.

You try to take a deep breath.

You really don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve been running on autopilot since you realized you might be pregnant, the time between buying tests and taking them a blur. Even now, you’re running on instinct alone. Instinct tells you to find John Price, and tell him about… this.

You can figure everything else out after.

You scan the crowd, hoping to spot him quickly. You know he owns the bar - something you’d found out once you’d gotten home and fallen deep into a rabbit hole and read everything about the man you could find. You’re not sure how he still owns the bar considering he’s got multiple warrants out for his arrest, but you figure it’s probably the same reason he never actually ends up in jail.

But he’s not here now. At least, not anywhere you can see.

You step up to the bar, rest your elbows on the counter and rest your head in your hands, taking a few long, stablizing breaths.

“What can I get for ye?”

You glance up at the sudden voice, coming face to face with the bartender. It’s not the same man as last time - this man’s got a Scottish accent and a mohawk, a far cry from the darker skinned British man with pretty eyes who’d served you last time.

“Do you…” you glance around again, sigh, and decide you should try and find somewhere to compose yourself a bit. “Do you guys have a bathroom I could use?”

“Course,” he smiles at you, open and friendly, and you feel some of the tension ease from your shoulders. “Just ‘round that corner there, a few doors down. Can’t miss it.”

You give him a tight smile, mutter your thanks as you head in the direction he’d gestured. His directions are exactly right, the women’s bathroom door towards the end of the hallway but clearly marked.

Just past the bathroom doors is a stairwell. The door is half open, but you can clearly see the stairs even halfway down the hallway. You’re not sure why, but you walk right past the bathrooms, ducking into the stairwell instead after shooting a quick look over your shoulder to make sure no one saw you.

It’s nearly silent, the music from the bar growing more and more muffled as you start to make your way to the next floor. It’s even quieter once you reach your destination, just a distant and faint rumbling in the floorboards.

You step out into a hallway with four doors - two of them with nameplates nailed to them. Stepping close, you see one is labeled Simon Riley and the other reads John Price.

Before you can consider whether or not you’re making another stupid decision you’re knocking on the door with Price’s name.

You regret it the moment your knuckles rap against the wood, can’t believe you keep doing such stupid things without thinking.

Before you can even get a step away from the door, there’s a voice calling out from inside the room.

“Come in.”

Your breath hitches.

You can’t leave now. There’s no way he wouldn’t come to the door, see who knocked. You’re not about to ding dong ditch John Price, but that doesn’t make it any easier to move forward. You only manage it because you feel oddly exposed in the hallway, and your nerves urge you forward enough to open the door.

You shut it quickly behind you, eager for privacy for some reason you can’t quite pin down. Listening to your instincts regardless, you keep your back pressed to the closed door and shove one hand in your pocket to wrap around the pregnancy tests.

John looks… mostly the same, which only makes you feel even more foolish for not recognizing him on the night that started this whole mess.

His beard’s a bit longer, but he’s got a button up and that silly hat on, the same thing he’d been wearing the first night you saw him. It’s almost like you’re yanked back to that night without warning, the only real difference being the fact that he’s sat behind a desk instead of beside you.

“Oh,” he says, looking oddly unsurprised as he leans back in his chair, hands lacing over his stomach. “It’s you. My little runaway.”

You scowl, your trepidation immediately replaced with anger.

“First of all,” you hiss, scowling and moving towards his desk, the twitch at the corner of his lips only working you up further. “I’m not your anything. And I didn’t run away.”

His lips curve into a fuller smile, and he shifts his chair back enough for you to see his thighs, thick and bulging against his tight pants. He’s manspreading in his own office chair, and you have to swallow thickly when you realize just how attractive it is.

When you glance back to his face and see the distinctly smug expression he’s wearing, your ire only grows.

“Not sure what else you’d call it,” he rumbles. “Was hoping to spend a little more time with you, love, but you were gone before we could set up a date.”

You instinctively go to bite back, but stumble a bit when what he’d said settles. The idea that he’d been disappointed when he woke up alone, that he wanted more time with you…

You shake the thought off. It doesn’t matter, you have more important things to discuss.

You force yourself to straighten, fingers toying with the tests in your pocket. Your nerves return now that you’re really face to face with John again, now that you’ve got to actually figure out how to tell him.

He seems to sense the shift in your mood, leaning forward so he’s not sprawled out so casually and resting his forearms on his desk.

“Why’re you here, love?”

This is it, you think to yourself, closing your eyes to take a deep, stablizing breath.

You tug the pregnancy tests out of your pocket, drop them wordlessly in front of him. It’s hard to keep your eyes open, to watch his expression as he slowly looks down at your offering, watch as realization washes over him.

John’s silent for a long moment. Your palms sweat, and you just barely resist the urge to wipe them off on your pants.

Finally, he looks back up at you, shifting in his chair. “You’re sure?”

You hesitate, nod a bit. “There are… I took more, at home. Didn’t want to bring them all.”

He nods, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other. “And it’s mine?”

You flush, face going hot. You know it’s a fair question, but you can’t help but bristle anyway.

“Yes,” you hiss, shifting your weight from foot to foot. “I haven’t… I didn’t…” You cut yourself off, the words you were my first trapping themselves behind your teeth. You hadn’t meant to lose your virginity to John Price, and you see no need to tell him you even had. As far as you’re concerned, you can keep that knowledge to yourself. “It’s yours.”

He doesn’t look convinced, and that only makes your face go hotter. You fight the urge to tuck your hands beneath your armpits, determined not to shrink in front of this man.

“I haven’t been with anyone else,” you elaborate, eyes flicking away from his face.

He takes a deep breath, exhales in a loud sigh. You hear his fingers tap against the desk, just barely bite back your annoyance at the sound. You work your tongue between your teeth, nerves racing again.

“Well,” he eventually says, standing from his chair. You can’t help but jolt a bit, having forgotten just how big he is. He towers over you even from a few feet away, his broad shoulders and barrel chest only making him feel twice as large. It’s a conscious effort on your part not to take a step back. “I hope you weren’t too attached to your apartment, love.”

He stalks around the desk, walking towards the door, but you can’t move from your spot. Your eyebrows furrow, and you track him with your eyes.

“My apartment? What’re you talking about?”

He shoots you a look, one you have no idea how to interpret, as he tugs his door open. “Simon!”

“John,” you hiss, stepping closer to him again. “What’re you-?”

He holds a hand up to quiet you as the other door opens, and you can just barely spot another man stepping forward. “Yeah?”

“Need you to call some movers. Need to get my girl moved into my place.”

You gape like a fish as the new man leans to the side a bit to look where Price is gesturing to you, and he nods. “Got it. Timeline?”

“Done by tonight.”

The other man grunts, and leaves again. John closes the door, turning back to you and starting back to his desk.

“What- what the hell?” You splutter, mouth opening and closing in shock. “You can’t- you don’t even know where I live!”

John settles back into his chair and shoots you a look that you can clearly read - it’s nothing but unimpressed.

“Course I do, love. Did you think we wouldn’t be meeting again?”

You blink at him, dumbfounded, as he turns to his computer, lips twitching into a smile.

“Of course we wouldn’t,” you try, hand resting on one of the chairs in front of the desk to steady yourself. “We only… we only slept together once. I didn’t even know who you were.”

He hums an agreement, typing. “No, you didn’t. But that doesn’t matter, you know now. And considering the other… developments,” he shoots a look to your belly, and you rest your free hand over the small curve protectively. “It’s best we get to know each other in far closer quarters, hm?”

“No,” you argue, trying to inject some sterness into your tone. “I’m not moving in with you, that’s ridiculous. I just… I only told you about the baby so you could be involved. Maybe pay some child support. But there’s no reason for anything more.”

He sighs heavily through his nose, giving you another of those unimpressed looks. “You’re tellin’ me you’d rather keep living on your own? Take care of yourself and my baby all on your own?”

You brows furrow. “My baby.”

“Our baby.”

“Whatever,” you huff, moving to sit in one of the chairs, slumping back. “I can’t move in with you. Just because we… slept together, once, doesn’t mean you can just boss me around like a minon.”

“Oh, it was more than once, love,” he corrects, voice pitching lower. You force down a shiver, cheeks heating again. “And is it really bossing you around if it’s for the best?”

You shoot him your own unimpressed look. “Yes, of course it is.”

He shrugs, turning back to his computer. “Then I guess I am bossing you around. Regardless, Simon will have your belongings in one of my properties by tonight.”

You scowl, leaning forward enough to plant a hand on his desk. “Listen, John, I have a life. A perfectly nice apartment, a job I like, friends - you can’t just take me away from all of that just because we made a mistake!”

The quick glance he shoots you verges on scolding. “That’s exactly what I can do, and it’s exactly what I will do.”

He stands before you can reply, fixing his cuffs as he strides back to the office door.

“You can call your boss tomorrow to turn in your resignation,” he says over his shoulder, tugging the door open and already walking away, winking at you just before he disappears from your sight. “You won’t be working while carrying our baby.”

You gape at the spot where he just was, palms still slick with sweat. It takes you a moment to fully grasp what he’s just said, how the entire conversation has gone, but when you do you’re enraged.

“John!” You shout, storming after him, leaving the pregnancy tests behind. “Get back here, you insane man! That’s absolutely not happening!”

The sound of his low laugh echoing through the stairwell only pisses you off more. Your scowl feels etched into your face, and as you storm after John you vow to keep him from completely steam rolling your life.

If he thinks he’s going to just pluck you from your life and drop you in his with no fight, he’s got another thing coming.

#i just googled “fallen woman” btw so i really hope i got the meaning right lmfao #and then i just kinda like. half ignored it. work with me anon 🙏#price x reader #john price x reader #john price #cod #call of duty #1k celebration #bo writes #bet you thought i forgot about these #WRONG!!!!!!#btw i fucking WRESTLED with this one like omg it took me so fucking long for no reason! and it's not even that good! ugh!

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infraaa · 10 months

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KOSA 101

Let’s talk about this. This is something I haven’t seen a lot of in my end, and this new bill may be troubling to not just us as a whole, but content creators. So, this isn’t just exclusive to AO3 anymore. This can go as far as places like Wattpad, Quotev, DeviantArt, and here.

So, to put it bluntly, if you give a fuck, listen.

What is KOSA?

KOSA (Kids Online Safety Act,) is a bill within the United States that was initially created last year with the aim of protecting youth (considerably age 16 and under,) from viewing harmful content online. It has since been updated and reintroduced by Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) and Marsha Blackburn (R-TN.) Now, on surface level, it may seem like this has a good outlook, right? Not in the slightest. This bill, while it may not be passed yet rather introduced, may take an extreme to protect youth and monitor all. Yes, I said monitor.

Not only is NSFW content bound to be flagged, which may totally censor a lot of creators not just on this platform but others, a wider band that is under this new bill is LGBT+ content. According to Senator Blackburn of Tennessee, who is KOSA’s co-author, even education on race discrimination was viewed as “dangerous to kids,” and this soon branches out to race, gender, and sexuality discrimination. This also extends out to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. The bill puts itself in the hands of State Attorney Generals in order for them to use tools of censorship against our rights and safety— not just for the youth, but for adults too, as we may face (giving an example,) hurdles trying to obtain things like legal documents.

How does KOSA work?

KOSA works by acting as a censor and self filter for the internet. By the hands of Attorney State Generals, they ultimately decide what is harmful to kids online. Though, this is a dual edged sword. This would also present the loss of access to information that a large sum of people may not deem dangerous. This again extends outward towards things like depression, substance abuse, etc— complex topics without a clear agreement on causes or solutions. This means that it could also filter, and possibly censor medical information, extending outward to trans medical care as well, which may lead on to silence the transgender community further. This is a very bad thing.

There would still be features like Age Verification, but it also filters legal speech. What I mean by “there will still be features,” to give an example, Tumblr has a tab in settings where you can add your birthday, which in turn verifies how old you are. Tiktok has this feature as well. About filtering legal speech, any kind of media or information that has to do with societal ills that is held on a platform, for example, Tumblr, will enable that platform to be held liable for holding that information. But… it may seem like I’m getting off topic, aren’t I?

So let’s swing back around…

KOSA has the ability to hurt creators on several different platforms. This gives the United States Government unlimited range of control over the internet.

This linktree has at least four different petitions open for you to take action against the bill, and to contact your congressmen and women. There’s also a discord server that’s dedicated to stopping KOSA from passing.

By doing this, you are spreading your voice. You are helping millions of people nationally— creators, artists, writers, everyone.

And finally, don’t just like this post. Reblog it— it helps it spread and gain exposure.

Let’s put an end to KOSA.

#infrawrites #infraspeaks #kosa bill #kosa act #kosa #stop kosa #kids online safety act #lgbtq community #lgbtqiia+#wattpad #a03 down #a03 #writers on tumblr #artists on tumblr #I’m sorry for the tag overload and the cookie run tags are irrelevant but that’s the community I’m in #cookie run kingdom #cookie run #cookie run overbreak #crob

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a-spes · 7 months

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T H E B L O O D O N M Y H A N D S - One shot.

Words count - 3,2k.

Tags & Warnings - Natasha Romanoff x reader, angst / comfort, a form of self-harm, mentions of death and blood.

Summary - When you kill someone on duty for the first time, Natasha is the one being here to stop you from falling.

— — — — —

You haven’t been a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent for long, barely more than three years. It may seem long for some people but, in that kind of job, it is not. Although your training ended up a long time ago, your teammates are still calling you a Rookie because even after years of duty, you still have a lot of things to learn, some the hard way.

You guess this nickname will stick with you until a new recruit joins the agency. It has been three years that no one passed the entrance exam so you are still seen as the newest addition which pisses you off sometimes. It is frustrating to not be taking seriously just because you are a bit less experienced than your teammates, some of them only been on the agency for one more year than you but are acting cocky with it.

However, despite your teammates’ attitude, you are convinced you are right where you are supposed to be : even if some days are rough, you love this job. Honestly, you never planned to join the agency but now you are here, you don’t want to leave.

You have always dreamed about becoming a police officer, not some kind of governmental spy. You ended up here thanks to a bit of fate and, mostly, thanks to the help of one of your professors. At the police academy, you were doing great, you were among the best of your promotion, that is why Mr. Andrews suggested you to take the entrance exam for the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy. Before that day, you had never heard about the agency, but you still decided to give it a try, it was the least you could do to thanks him for everything he did.

Surprisingly, you succeed the exam and earned a place at the academy, alongside with two of your classmates. You weren’t sure it was what you wanted to do, but it was probably your only chance to give it a try so you went to the academy, thinking you could always leave if it doesn’t suit you. Yet, it has been the best decision you made.

Surely, you doubted it sometimes, thinking about quitting because the training was so hard, both physically and mentally, that you thought you couldn’t take it anymore. But you stayed, not being alone helped you a lot so, even if you doubted a lot your decision, you never regretted it.

Until today.

One day was enough to change everything. The first rule in the job is that you know nothing. Every mission is different, every mission could go wrong at any moment, it is impossible to be prepared to what it could bring to you. After three years of duty, you tend to forget about that rule. Up to now, everything went smooth, except for a few injuries you got, you were lucky.

It was supposed to be a routine mission, not much different than the previous ones. Your team was supposed to take back some important documents, so you needed to infiltrate the hotel the guys who stole it were staying.

“I get it”, you whisper in the communication device.

But when you are about to leave the room, you hear the voices of two persons. You don’t have much time, so you decide to quickly hide under the bed, you wish there was a better place but all you can do is waiting here, praying they won’t notice your presence. However, it seems fate is not on your side tonight.

After maybe ten minutes of waiting that felt like an eternity, you eventually feel someone pulling you from under the bed by grabbing your legs. You may be a qualified agent, but they are way more experienced than you are. You were listening to their conversation but yet, you couldn’t have guessed they knew you were here the whole time. Racing heart and irregular breath are the signs of panic, but you can’t let those take the control of your body, fear is a synonym to death. Take a deep breath, think and attack before they can.

It is quite easy to escape the man’s grasp because he wasn’t expecting you to be so fast. But the man wasn’t the problem, it was the woman with him. She was aiming that gun at you while you were fighting with her mate, not shooting yet because she could’ve killed him instead, but as soon as you stand up, she doesn’t hesitate anymore.

It was a reflex.

She missed the first bullet because of the circumstances, because she couldn’t clearly target you so the bullet passed closed enough. Except she doesn’t look like someone that misses an easy shot and you don’t look like someone who wants to die so you shoot first.

It was a reflex.

It is the first you kill someone on duty. Three years of duty during whose you ensured that you wouldn’t kill anyone. You get them out of the way, you hurt them, sometimes you knock them out like you just did with that guy but you never took a life. But tonight you did, for the first time. Tonight, you didn’t aim for that woman’s leg but for her chest, right where her heart is, she died almost on the spot. It feels awful.

On the way back to the base, you are silent. Your teammates don’t even notice how quiet you are tonight. The two sitting on the front of the car are talking, the last one is humming some music. The mood is light because the mission was a success: you did bring back those documents. So why aren’t you joyful? You don’t know, but tonight you don’t feel like joking, laughing and jumping around as you usually would.

Tonight, you won’t celebrate with your mates because there is nothing to celebrate. A woman died. It doesn’t matter which side she was on or if she was aiming that gun at your head because you shoot and it makes you no better than the people you despise. When you joined the Academy, it was to save civilians, to make something good about your life, you wanted to feel useful and make a difference. So from the moment you became an agent, you avoid killing people. A part of you knew that, one day, wouldn’t let you choose but you didn’t think much about it; if after three years you didn’t kill anyone, it’ll may stay that way until you end your career.

Oh, how naive you were.

Maybe you are too gentle for that world. Your mates kill people and you never saw them hesitating, so what’s wrong with you? Can’t your mind just shut up? It is not that a big deal, is it? It is supposed to be your job, you did what you had to, right? So why does it still feel wrong?

You are a person that easily slip on other people’s shoes. Those people called villains are nothing more than people that got lost at a moment in their lives, people that were failed by the system or made a wrong choice, does it mean they deserve to die? Some of them, maybe, but definitely not that woman. She was barely older than you are, she had a whole life to live but she will never get you because of you, because you decided she didn’t deserve to live.

It is something your superiors often blame you for: your inability to shot when it is needed. It is not because it led to failed mission, but because it caused you a lot of injuries that could have been avoid. They never understood why you were so reluctant to do so, sometimes they are angry, sometimes just disappointed. But tonight you eventually did exactly what they are expecting from you. That’s what you are repeating to yourself but it doesn’t make you feel any better, if you hate the idea of disappointing Agent Romanoff, your superior, you probably hate your actual situation even more.

This moment is playing again and again on your mind, making you oblivious of your surrounding. The sound of her body falling is covering your mates’ voices. The way her chest raised one last time before she stopped moving, the way her eyes were wide open and the blood. Everywhere. On the ground, on her suit, on your hands. A bit of your own, but mostly of her, who knew a body contains so much blood? Not you.

When you are finally back at the compound, the redhead is here. Even if you are not a trainee anymore, you are still a rookie until they decide otherwise and she will probably be your mentor for a few more years. And being your mentor means that wherever you are, she is. Today was your first mission alone. Well, you weren’t really alone, you had your usual team by your side but she wasn’t here. At first, she didn’t want to let you go, wherever she is, you are, but she let herself be convinced. This mission couldn’t wait more, neither could the emergency call she got.

The mission was easier than some you did by the past, she knows you are capable but still, she can’t get over that strange feeling, being scared for you security. She knows she can trust you but can she really trusts your mates? She is stressing over the fact that, for the first time, she isn’t here to protect you.

She is now regretting her choice, it was irresponsible from her to agree to such a demand. She has no idea what exactly happened during the mission but she heard that things didn’t go as smoothly as they were supposed too. She is pacing back and forth on the garage, waiting for your team to come back. She tried to get more information from Fury, but he doesn’t know much more than what he already told her.

A few hours later, the team is eventually back. When her eyes catch you, she is relieved: you seem fine. Her relief only lasts a moment as she quickly notices something is off with your attitude. You ignored her, didn’t even looked for her as you would usually do.

“What happened?” she asks to one of the agents that was on the mission. She grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to look at her, she is taking the whole situation seriously.

“She fired”, he replies, shrugging.

The man doesn’t really understand why it is such a big deal to you, after three years, you should be used to that kind of things happening in a mission. However, Natasha immediately understood.

She rushes to find you but it is already too late. She can’t find you on the locker room, neither she can on your dorm or on the common areas. It is on the shared bathroom that she eventually finds you. She can’t help but being worried. She was really young when she killed for the first time, but she still remembers how it feels, years don’t take away the guilt and the disgust. The difference is that she never got a chance to think too much about it, she was raised to kill, it felt almost normal after a while, she got used to that feeling You, however, are not of that kind. It doesn’t matter how skilled you are: you are not a murder.

“What are you doing?” she asks, frowning when she saw you here.

Scrubbing. That is what you are doing and the only thing left in your mind, you are just obsessed with the idea of cleaning your hands. So you are scrubbing. You are scrubbing until the water turns clear but it doesn’t, it stays red and bloody. It seems there is always more blood on your hands.

You are so focused that you didn’t even hear the woman coming in. Your ears are ringing and your vision is blurry because of the tears in your eyes, the only thing you can see clearly is the blood, all this red. You are using a nail brush in hope it would help you get it of the dirt? but it doesn’t. It just hurts.

A pain that you ignore.

A pain that you feel like you deserved it, like it is the only way to get those memories out of your mind, even if it is just for a moment, you are glad to be able to focus on something.

However, Natasha is not. As soon as she realizes what you are doing, she steps in. She turns the water off, wrapping her hands around yours to make you stop, as her attempts to talk to you failed. She slowly takes the soap and the brush from your hands, putting it on the sink.

For a few minutes, you remain silent. You don’t even dare to look at her in the eyes, how could you? The guilt and the shame make you avoid her gaze, a part of you being scared about what she could say or think. Maybe she sees you exactly as you do right now: pathetic and horrible.

“Let’s clean those wounds”, she eventually says in a quiet voice that surprises you because you thought she would be angry and yell at you. Or maybe it is what you wished she would do. It is easier to hate yourself when people do too.

But she doesn’t.

On the contrary, she is sweet and caring, an attitude that is rarely hers, Agent Romanoff not being someone showing that she cares the usual way. She is usually demanding with the people she cares for but she understands that tonight you don’t need that. Right now, what you need is someone by your side, someone to guide you through that situation.

So she makes you sit on a stool. You don’t protest, there is something good in not having to think about what to do next. She comes back with a few seconds later with medical kit. She sits in front of you and, in silence, she starts to take care of your hands. You scrubbed them for so long and with so much pressure that the blood at the end wasn’t the woman’s anymore. It was yours because the brush scratched your hands.

“Here we are”, she says once she is done. She cleaned your wounds with alcohol and then applied bandages on your hands. She seems to want to add something, but she hesitates. “Do you want to talk about it?” she eventually asks.

You shake your head, no. You don’t want to talk about it, you don’t want to hear about it, you don’t even want to think about what happened today. If it was possible, you would like to erase this day from your mind or turn back in time so you can change the outcome, but you can’t.

Natasha sighs but she doesn’t push, she knows it is not the solution. Instead, she guides you to her quarters.

“It is not my room”, you remark when you get here. It is a one person room, one of the privileges of being a superior.

“No, it’s not”, she acknowledges, “but I am not leaving your side.”

“You don’t need to do that, I am gonna be fine”, but she doesn’t let you go. As you try to leave the room, she firmly hold you by the arm. You staying here wasn’t a question, not even an invitation, it was more of an order.

“No, you are not. And after what happened I don’t trust you, at least not tonight”, she tells you and she is not joking at all. She has that serious expression and you know she won’t take no as an answer. You want to be alone, but deep down you are relieved you won’t spend the night alone.

She helps you take off your suit. She then helps you to put on some of her clothes, a short and a t-shirt, so you are ready to go to sleep. It is already late, midnight was long gone. She guides you to the bed, it is a bit small but it is just for one night and you don’t seem to protest, you just let her guide you, your mind being far away.

The two of you are leaning in the bed in silence. Her chest pressing against your back, her head near to yours. She is holding you firmly, as if she was scared you could run away. You stay in that position for a moment before your voice breaks the silence.

“I- I don’t even know her name, I barely saw her face and-” you eventually say, feeling the need to let a bit of what is in your mind out. You are exhausted, but you can’t even close your eyes to try to sleep, those memories and thoughts keeping you wide awake.

“it’s okay”, she whispers in your ear. She is not sleeping either, too worried about you for that. She already knows that she is going to stay awake the whole night to keep an eye on the woman she is holding in her arms.

“No!” you yell. You can’t stand how calm she is. “No it’s not, how could it be okay? I killed her. I killed a woman and I don’t even know who she was.”

“It happens, sometimes, you have no choice”, she continues to talk in a quiet voice, soothing you by stroking your hair. She knows nothing she could say right now would make it easier. You need time and support, all she can do is being here and let you know she is.

“I do, I should’ve aimed for her limb or…”, you start, but you can’t even finish your sentence. You feel your throat tighten, your voice broke on the last few words.

“You did exactly what you had to. You did exactly what you had to stay alive. I know it is hard but you will get through it, okay? And I am gonna be here, with you, the whole time”, she whispers again in your ear, her voice calming a bit the storm in you.

This is how you eventually fell asleep. In the comfort of the arms of that woman, with a feeling of security. The way her hand is brushing your hair calming your mind until Morpheus accepts you in his realm. The words she is whispering in your ears are helping to ease the guilt and the hate. However, Natasha won’t sleep. She is going to stay awake the whole night just so she can be here if you wake up needing her, no matter what time of the night it is, she wants to make sure you are not alone because it is the worst in situations like this.

#marvel fanfiction #mcu women #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #reader insert #angst and comfort

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inlovewithpandora · 9 months

Text

- Let Me In -

Pairing: Hobie x fem!Spider!reader

Request: [ 🎸 anon ] Hello! I have a request for a Hobie x reader:) | If you are okay with it (it's ok if not!) can you do a comfort fic where reader is struggling with suicidal thoughts + self harm and they haven't really been taking care of themselves properly and is just always thinking they shouldn't be alive ect. Then one day Hobie comes to their house through their bedroom window (who needs doors?) but he finds them in their bathroom abt to self harm and comforts them.

Synopsis: Being Spiderwoman hasn't been an easy task for you. The sacrifice, dedication, and having to turn your life upside down to accommodate your powers was making living day to day difficult for you so you begin to wonder if you should take matters into your own hands and end your suffering.

Content: Angst, hurt/comfort, suicidal thoughts, act of self-harm (and lightly descriptive) mention of blood, mention of scars and wounds, crying, reader struggling with depression/illness, Hobie comforting reader and being there for her

If any of the content above makes you uncomfortable please DNI!!!

Author’s Note: Thank you for sending this req in! I hope you enjoy and that it meets your expectations! This was a really good request and I enjoyed writing it even though my heart was breaking for reader. Let me know what you think by sending an anonymous ask or comment if you feel comfortable!

Word Count: 1.1k

Extra: Requests are open! Please read rules before requesting! || Likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated❤️! Links: Navigation || Atsv Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Taglist

As you sit on the rim of your bathtub, you couldn’t help but look at your reflection in the mirror. Your hair was scattered across your head, your eyes were sunken and puffy, and your body was covered with old battle wounds from fighting different evils of the universe, but the most fresh scars were the ones that adorned your arms.

Being Spiderwoman hasn't been an easy task for you. The sacrifice, dedication, and having to turn your life upside down to accommodate your powers were making living day to day difficult for you. Coming home with fresh wounds every night began to take a physical and mental toll on your health. The stress and pressure of protecting the city of Brooklyn was starting to become too much. You wanted to talk to Hobie, but you didn’t want to worry him with your problems, so you decided to keep your feelings bottled up which made you resort to self-harm, hoping to release some of your tension and finally feel a sense of relief.

The more you began to cut, the more you distanced yourself from the world. You haven’t been to HQ, spending time with your friends, and most importantly you haven’t talked to Hobie in almost a week. Your new way of spending your time was cooped up in your apartment, drowning in your sorrows.

It has gotten to the point where your pain became so insufferable that you began to think if living was worthwhile anymore. You couldn’t go on like this, dealing with the weight of being Spiderwoman on your shoulders. Thinking about putting yourself in the face of danger and praying that you didn’t get severely injured or even worse: ending up plummeting to your death.

You felt like if you were going to do that, you might as well leave the world on your own terms, the way you thought would be appropriate. Were you currently thinking clearly? No. This was the illness talking. The older, happier version of yourself would never even let thoughts like this cross her mind, but now… now it was too late. This was the only way to make that dark cloud that hung over your head move away.

Hobie has been worried about you. The only time he talks to you now is through text and when he finds a way to get a hold of you, the conversations were dry, so he can’t even get a true feeling to see how you’re doing.

When he finishes his patrol duties, he decides to swing by your apartment, just to make sure you’re okay. Once he’s outside your window, he opens it slowly and climbs inside. When his feet hit the floor, he turns around and closes the window behind him, then tries to figure out where you are.

As his eyes scan the room, he locates the sound of sobs from the bathroom which alerted him, thinking you got hurt from slipping in the shower or something of that sort. When he reaches the bathroom door, he peeps his head inside, which reveals you with tears pouring down your cheeks while you run a razor across your skin. As Hobie watches the blood trickle down your arm and drip onto your marble floor, his stomach churns and his heart breaks at the scene unraveling in from him.

As you raise the sharp object again, almost pressing it deep into your arm, Hobie barges in, not being able to watch you hurt yourself any longer. When the door widens and you see him looking at you with a concerned and worried expression, you drop the razor, pull your jacket sleeves down, and rush over to the other side of the bathroom.

“Leave, Hobie.” You turn your back towards him, not wanting him to see how you’ve completely let yourself go. This isn’t how you wanted your reunion with him to go, you cutting and him bearing witness, having to see you in such a distraught state, but there’s nothing you can do about it now.

Hobie walks up to you, attempting to wrap his arms around, but you swat them away as more tears fill your eyes. “Hobie, I said leave! I don’t want you here! I-I don’t want you to see me!” As you attempt to raise your voice, it begins to crack due to the sob trying to make an appearance.

“Love, please,” Hobie's heart gets so heavy with each moment. He didn’t know you were doing this, he never knew that you had a burden so heavy that you had to resort to this method to find a sense of peace. At this moment, all he wants to do is be here for you and help as much as he can provide.

He gently places his arm on your shoulder, hoping you would turn around and face him. “Let me in, allow me to help you. I promise I won’t judge. I-I just want to help you, please.” The sincerity in his voice soothes you enough to turn around and face him. Without wasting another second, you run into his arms and begin to cry into his chest. Hobie immediately embraces you, wrapping his arms around you to make you feel secure and comfortable, to let you know that he is here specifically to comfort you.

“It’s okay love, let it all out. I’m here for you now. I’m gonna help you through this.” He kisses your head softly as he rubs your back, continuing to comfort you with sweet and reassuring words, letting you know that he’ll never leave your side no matter what.

Once your cries begin to lessen and you begin to calm down, you and Hobie sit down together. “I know you probably don’t wanna talk right now and that’s fine. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with, but I want to let you know that you don’t have to go through this alone. I will forever stand by your side through thick and thin, good and bad. No matter what, I will always love you and that’ll never change.” At this moment, you are so thankful for Hobie. He didn’t freak out on you, shame you, or force you to do anything which you appreciated. Knowing that Hobie saw you at your lowest and still accepted you meant the world to you.

“Thank you, Hobie.” You speak softly as you look up at him with glistening eyes, new tears ready to be shed, but this time they are tears of joy that you had someone like Hobie to lean on.

“Of course, now let’s clean up these cuts and then for the rest of the day, it’s just me and you.”

I hope you enjoyed❤️!

Previous Fic

Editor - @justmemyselfandthemoon

Taglist: @inspace1 @phoenixx69 @savagemickey03 @soilmayo @liyahsocorro @baizzhu @solanawrld @onlyloaksgf @popeheywardssecretgf @number1gal @taylormarieee @toneystank-3000 @h3art-l3ss @spidersthetic @mellagzz @em-x0

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charliemwrites · 5 months

Note

I love the fic about reader trying to run away and how amazing you do all of your writing

(Don't do this if you don't wanna for any reason)

Could you do one where like johhny comes over and sees how different she's acting afterwards and how simon has her on a leash and collar and just how it would go with them both there, just how broken she seems and Simon trying to bring even price or gaz around but it only make sit worse and she kinda shuts down on him?

Could I be 🐇?

Hey there!!! You’re welcome to be 🐇 and thank you so so much for the compliment. It’s been a while since I wrote some proper angst… hope it turns out!!

(Warnings for depressed feral, a vague line that could be read as implied self harm - red skin around a collar. Please take care of yourselves!!!)

Simon doesn’t know what to do. You’ve haven’t spoken more than a handful of words in two weeks. You cry all the time, especially when you think hes not looking. Most of your time is spent in your room, up in your bed. Or out on the sun porch, just staring.

You’ve given up on tugging at the collar in front of him but he sees red marks around it in the mornings. He takes care of them of course, ointment and bandages. You lean away most times, pressing you back into the wall, and get misty-eyed when he insists.

He keeps a leash on you at all times. It’s a long one, but you’ve tripped over it twice and burst into tears both times. Big heaving sobs, and when he tries to comfort you, it’s the most animated you’ve been since he put the collar on. You kick and scream, an awful noise that cracks his heart in two.

And you just won’t interact with him. You don’t look when he speaks, don’t snuggle him on the couch. You even flinch away when he reaches for you, mouth twisted.

He thinks that maybe you just need a different bit of normalcy. A reset. He brings Johnny by without telling you, hoping for a reaction like when you first met.

But you just lie on the couch, barely even acknowledge that the door is open. Johnny swaggers over, loud and boisterous, crouches down in front of you and scritches behind your ears. You just squeeze your eyes shut and press back into the couch, trying to get away…. But not really. He shoots simon a worried look. Goes so far as to press his fingers against your lips.

All you do is mumble a quiet, “please stop.”

Simon could tear his fucking hair out.

He brings Price. You just squeeze your eyes shut like you’re having a bad dream. He lifts you up into his arms, even, but you’re deadweight. Don’t even grab at him to feel more secure.

“Can I get down now,” you ask when he stares in silence.

He puts you down. You just back away, head ducked, and tug absently at the latch of your leash.

“You understand that Simon has to do this, yeah?” he tries, hoping for defiance.

You stare at the floor, silent.

“Come on, wild thing, answer me,” he coaxes.

“Not… not really wild, am I?” you whisper, tugging harder.

“Enough, pretty,” Simon interjects, guiding your hand away. It falls limp at your side.

“Guess I’m still that,” you sigh, rubbing at your cheek. You slip away to the armchair, where you can be curled up tight and alone. Simon feels himself die a little more.

Finally, finally, he brings Gaz. He doesn’t do anything anyone else has done. He sees you, eases closer, and just sits on the ground beside you, back to the couch. Simon sighs, goes to make dinner. You curl up tighter.

“Kyle?”

“Hm?”

“It… might be time to make that call.”

#this isn’t canon to the main story tho #asks #my writing #fanfiction #cod #thoughts™️#reader fic #dark fic #keeper/kept au #keeper ghost #kept pet ghost #x reader

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seungminnie-meong · 2 months

Text

roommate ateez reacting to you dealing with mental illness

Your roommate Ateez finding out/reacting to you having a mental illness. GN reader for all, Feminine clothing in Wooyoungs, makeup in sans. CW for mental illness including depression, bipolar/mania, self-harm (if you're sensitive skip San and Mingi) , and eating disorders/body dysmorphia (if you're sensitive skip Wooyoung and Jongho)

Hongjoong was never one to pry. He usually minded his own business, and you minded yours. That was how the two of you worked so well as roommates. But one day, he couldn’t shake the notion that something was wrong. It was nearly 7 pm and he hadn’t seen you the entire day. He decided to go out and pick up some ingredients to make dinner for the both of you, as he hadn’t seen you eat at all so far today. When he came back, you were still holed up in your room, so he decided against his non-prying nature, and gently knocked on your door. He heard some quiet shuffling, and after a few moments, a tired looking you opened the door. He smiled, glad to know you were okay.

“I bought us some stuff to make dinner, I know you haven’t eaten all day. Do you want to help me?” He offered gently, and you nodded. You were slightly embarrassed to still be in your pajamas at 7 at night, but Hongjoong understood. He never asked any questions, he just quietly sat beside you and made sure you always knew you didn’t have to be alone through this. He knew you didn’t always feel like talking about it, and that was okay. The two of you stood quietly in the kitchen while you chopped vegetables and Joongie cooked up some meat. He stopped to play some music over the speaker he kept in the kitchen. As Billie Jean played through the speaker he began to sway and dance to the beat and you just giggled at him. He grabbed both of your hands to get you to dance along and you just laughed. He may have been a professional dancer but the way he was dancing now was definitely intended only to make you laugh. You began to dance along with him as best as you could, abandoning your chopped vegetables. Hongjoong started jumping around, singing into his wooden spoon as a mic, putting on a complete kitchen concert. Before you know it, you forget what you were even sad about to begin with.

Seonghwa was caring by nature, and he was the first to notice when you started to have a depression spell. He knew he couldn’t stop the depression from coming on, but he could help you by making sure you were well taken care of. The first day he noticed you sleeping in until noon, he was doing your laundry for you and reminding you to brush your teeth. The day he noticed you hadn’t bothered with eating any real food, he was filling up your water bottle and placing it on your nightstand and cooking ramyeon for the two of you for dinner. But, the day he heard you sniffling and crying behind the closed door of your room, he was at a loss. He felt helpless. He knew how to take care of your needs, but when it came to helping you with the actual depression, he was stuck. He sat in the living room, conflicted. He had never dealt with depression before. He had his bouts with anxiety occasionally, but this was a different kind of beast. He thought back on what helped him when he felt sad. He walked back to his room and pulled all the blankets and stuffies off of his bed and marched back to your door, knocking twice before pushing the door open. “Hwa? What are you doing?” you said through teary eyes. “We're gonna build a fort.” “Why?” You choked out a sob, and Seonghwa fought the urge to not cry himself. He was a pretty emotional guy, and you were important to him. Seeing you cry made him sad. To distract himself, he got busy pulling blankets over your furniture, slowly making the fort come together. After a minute, you stopped sniffling, getting up from your bed to help him. It was so absurd that you really had no other choice but to help him, I mean he was in your room after all. As the two of you worked together to put your pillows and plushies in the final places and admire your work, Seonghwa pulled you into the fort and into his chest to hold you tightly. “I know I don’t always know how to help you feel better or what to say, but I want you to know I’m always here for you no matter what, okay?”

Yunho was an early riser. He liked waking up early to get a run in before he started his day. So imagine his surprise when he woke up to find you still awake from the day before. He leaned against your doorframe in his workout clothes, looking at you confused. “What are you still doing up? It’s seven in the morning.” You just put your phone down and shrugged, a yawn escaping your lips. You knew exactly what it was, but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell Yunho. The pharmacy hadn’t been able to fill your meds yet this week and you could feel a hypomanic episode coming on. Yunho was somewhat aware that you had bipolar type II because he knew you took medication every day, but he didn’t really understand what it was like if you were off your medication. Your thoughts had been racing since early that day, and you’d been going nonstop since you got home from work, cleaning your whole bedroom from top to bottom. Yunho looked at you quizzically, not convinced. “I just can’t sleep,” It wasn’t entirely a lie, but not entirely the truth either. He looked worried for you. Ever since you moved in together, Yunho was like a big brother to you, he was always concerned about your mental health and making sure you were taking care of yourself. “Alright, if you’re not gonna sleep, at least keep me company on this run.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you up out of your warm comfy bed with many a complaint from you. But you couldn’t deny that the idea of a run sounded nice to get some of your energy out. You pushed him out and shut the door behind him so you could pull on some shorts and a hoodie with some sneakers, and he met you at the door with two full water bottles. The two of you kept an easy jogging pace and got to watch the sun come over the horizon, which was really beautiful. By the time you got back, you could finally feel tiredness seeping into the back of your mind. When you woke up from your couple hour nap on you and yunho’s shared couch, he was freshly showered with wet hair in a hoodie and sweats playing on his playstation. You sat behind him and leaned on his back; cheek squished against his shoulder. “Feeling well rested?” you felt the reverberations of his chuckle through his back. “A little bit.” you yawned. “Thanks for making me go running with you, I couldn’t sleep because the stupid pharmacy hasn’t been able to refill my meds this week and I've been feeling so manic.” You explained. He reached around and placed a hand on your knee. “You could’ve just told me, you know I’m always here to help you. I know I don’t always know what to do but I’m always here for you bubs.”

Yeosang is insanely empathetic, so there’s no hiding from him. The moment the two of you moved in together you realized he was always going to notice every little moodswing. It took some time before he became good at dealing with them, because at first he was far too shy to approach you about it, so he just sat idly by and worried about you whenever you got sad. After some time, he got braver, sometimes knocking gently on your door with a warm cup of tea and your favorite chocolate. After a while, you guys finally became friends, and Yeosang decided he wasn’t going to let you just suffer in silence, so he would invite you out with your other mutual friends and try to get you out of the house, even against his own introverted nature, just to get you to have some fun. But sometimes, there were really hard days, where you could hardly drag yourself out of bed. Even still Yeosang was right there beside you with a cold glass of water and some funny videos on his laptop to watch with you until he could get you out of bed. He knew everything was a matter of baby steps on your depressive days. And on manic days, like today, he was always there to listen to every racing thought, there to help pull you back to reality when you got too excited, and remind you to eat, shower, and take your meds. Yeosang even put a big calendar on the fridge with all of your therapy dates and medication refill times so you wouldn’t forget. He was your rock. Today, he was away at work, so you were trying your best to stay stable while you were alone. You were so ecstatic when you finally heard the front door open, you ran down the front hallway, sliding on the hardwood floor in your socks into Yeosang’s arms, giggling all the while. He gave you a big hug, patting your hair. You were so grateful for him.

You and your roommate San had made a little trip to Ikea to get a new vanity for your bedroom, and he had agreed that he would help you put it together. You had been slowly redecorating your room for the past few months now, and you were quite happy with the way it was coming along. The new vanity was just one final piece that you needed, along with a new bed frame and a couple of posters you had already ordered. You and San were dumping out the contents of your old vanity one drawer at a time, making piles of what you did and didn’t need to keep, as you hadn’t cleaned it out in as long as you should’ve. It had been probably 6 months or longer since you had cleaned out the vanity, and some of the makeup in it had probably expired by now, so San was checking the expiration dates on each product and making piles of what was still good and what was bad. You were going through other junk drawers including perfumes and skincare and doing the same. Suddenly you heard a gasp from San. You looked up to find a small bag in his hands, a bag you unfortunately recognized. “Y/n… What is this?” San muttered, a waver in his voice. It was a bag you used to keep razor blades in, and you hadn’t used them in a very long time, but you had never gotten around to disposing of them either since you had honestly forgotten about them. “Sannie, it’s not what it looks like, I promise i’ve been clean for a long time.” He met your eyes, and you swear you saw his eyes watering just slightly. “You promise?” “I swear. I’ll throw them away right now.” He wipes his eyes and stands, marching over to your bathroom. You follow behind him, and he dumps the contents of the bag into the toilet. He gives the blades a little wave before flushing them down. “Fuck those guys.” “Agreed.” “Promise me you’re okay, though?” “I promise, Sannie. “ He pulls you into a big hug.

Your roommate Mingi had brought you along to a party to get you out of the house. You didn’t mind it, you enjoyed parties, but since you had agreed to be the designated driver, you were holding back from drinking tonight. That didn’t stop you from dancing and having fun with Mingi and the rest of his friends. As the night continued on, you found yourself in a little group with Mingi and some of his other guy friends. Mingi was a little buzzed, and he was getting loud. Some of his friends were joking about Mingi being emo, and he loved that. “I love emo. I wanna be emo.” He slurred just a little bit, and you smiled at him. One of his friends looked over to you and sneered. “Your friend here is already emo, though.” The guy said. You were confused, there wasn’t anything inherently “emo” about your appearance, you were wearing a black sweater, but that was the extent of it. The guy and his other friend snicker, before the other guy lets out a joke. “Wrist check, am I right?” You were appalled. You had no idea how they knew about that, unless one of them saw your scars by accident when you hadn’t noticed. You were pissed. Mingi was just confused. You stormed off without a retaliation. You went out into the front yard to get some fresh air, and Mingi stumbled after you. “What happened? What does that mean?” He slurred. “Don’t worry about it Mingi. They were just being mean,” you explained. “I’m confused.” He whined. You turned to him and just looked at him with a pained expression. He really had no idea. “Look, Mingi, they were making fun of me for having self-harm scars.” You explained. His jaw dropped; he was shocked. He grabbed your hand. “I'm so sorry, Y/n, I had no idea. Those guys are assholes. I should go in there and-” “Mingi, no. It’s over now. Let’s just not hang out with those guys anymore.” “Deal. Are you okay? You don’t- you don’t do that anymore, do you?” He sounded concerned, like he had suddenly sobered up in the last few seconds. “I’m okay. It’s been a long time, but I'm doing better now. I just have old scars now, so now all I have to deal with is stupid people.” You told him. “That's good. I’m proud of you. And next time I’ll beat anyone’s ass that mentions them.” He grabs your hands in both of his and leads you back into the party.

It was nearly two weeks before halloween, and you and wooyoung were in a rush to find the perfect costumes for a party you were both attending. Wooyoung, as your best friend and perfect roommate, was trying to convince you to wear something sexy and revealing to impress this guy you knew would be attending the party. He had helped you pick out a somewhat skimpy angel costume, a cat costume with more leather than you knew what to do with, and a cop with a quite short skirt. Honestly you felt a little ridiculous. Wooyoung was trying on all sorts of scary masks and hyping you up about your costumes, but you were worried about how you’d look in them. You found your way to the dressing room while Wooyo looked through various prop weapons. You breathed in deep and let it out, looking over the costumes Wooyoung picked out for you. You know he just wanted to help you look hot, but you of all people definitely weren’t going to look like the models on the packages. Your body just didn’t look like that. As you pulled on the first costume, a short white dress with cute little angel wings and a little angel halo headband, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. It looked alright, but the dress didn’t fit quite right. It didn’t lay the way it was supposed to and it rode up in certain places and it just didn’t look the way it was meant to. With a huff, you pulled the dress back over your head and moved on to option two. It was a leather catsuit with some cat themed accessories. You pulled on the catsuit, but it was the same thing as the dress. It just didn’t look right. Something about your body looked off. Something was wrong, but you couldn’t place your finger on it. You felt tears prick at your eyes as you pulled the catsuit off, getting ready to pull on the third costume. It was a short cop dress, and you just couldn’t stand the way your legs looked in it. At this point, you were really upset, and you hiccuped out a sob. You covered your mouth with your hands, hoping Wooyoung wouldn’t hear, but to no avail. In seconds, he was knocking on the dressing room door, worried. “Y/n?” Are you okay?” He called out for you. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m almost done.” You told him, but your voice was thick with tears. “Are you crying? Let me in.” You sighed but you opened the door for him anyway. He caught a look of the cop costume you were wearing and gave you a once over. “Woah. You look hot. Why are you crying, babe?” He enveloped you in a hug. “I don’t feel hot.” You hiccuped into his shoulder. He hummed in understanding. “I get it.” He placed his chin atop your head. “Your brain is telling you one thing, but I just want you to know you look so incredibly beautiful and this costume would totally kill any man who saw you in it, including me.” “Thanks, Wooyo. I just don’t think I’m confident enough to wear this kind of costume yet. They’re cute and all, but not for me.” “Then does that mean we can wear one of those stupid cheesy couples' costumes?!” He grinned at you. “Fine, Wooyoung.”

You wake up with a splitting headache. You immediately regret drinking as much as you did last night. It was fun while it lasted, but it had horrible consequences this morning. There was a cold bottle of water and ibuprofen on your nightstand, probably courtesy of your angel of a roommate and designated driver from last night, Jongho. You down half the bottle with the ibuprofen and try to sit up out of bed while the room spins. Suddenly, you feel the urge to vomit, so you rush to the bathroom. You lose all the water you just drank, but your stomach was empty otherwise, so it's just water and bile. You feel tears prick at your eyes. You hate throwing up. You’ve been doing so well in bulimia recovery for so long and this feels like a setback, you know you can’t help it because you're hungover, but it makes you want to cry. You throw up one more time and let out a sob. The headache only pounds harder against your skull with every heave, until you hear a knock at the door. Jongho shouldn’t have to see you in this state. You try to bite back another sob, but he pushes the door open just a bit. “Are you alright? I thought I heard crying?” He questions. “I’m okay. Just hungover.” You sniffle. He pushes the door the rest of the way open and hands you another cold water bottle. “Why are you crying, angel?” He squats down in front of you and gently caresses your face. His hand is cool against your warm face. “I just don’t feel good, Jongie.” You hiccup. You don’t know how to tell him you’re terrified of throwing up. “Why don’t we get some food in you and maybe that’ll make you feel better? Hmm?” He gently grabs your hand and pulls you up from the bathroom floor. He pulls your arms over his shoulder and leads you into the kitchen, setting you in one of the chairs. He even brings the trashcan over to you just in case. He pulls out all the ingredients to make your favorite waffles. “I’m just scared of throwing up. I’ve been doing so well for so long and I’m so scared this is gonna set me back.” You explain once the room stops spinning. Jongho sets down the spatula he’s holding. “I get that. I just want you to know I see how well you’re doing and I’m here for you. We can get through this together. You can do this; I know you can.” He sets down a plate of warm chocolate chip waffles in front of you and you feel the nausea leaving you. “Thanks, Jongie.”

#ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez fic #hongjoong #choi san #yeosang #seonghwa #yunho #wooyoung #jongho #mingi

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lyn-1225 · 1 year

Text

Tough days

Pairing: Carl Gallagher x fem!reader

Warnings: fluff, depression, self harm, anxiety (a little bit), blood, panic attack, sexual reference. I think that’s about it.

Word count: 2000-3000

A/n: I’ve been absolutely obsessed with shameless lately and Carl is my favorite by far. Of course I had to stay up till 2 AM to write this. I’m currently working on a request sent but if you have a request please don’t hesitate to let me know :) enjoy my bad writing.

⚠️ if you are sensitive to topics of mental health please don’t read this. Your safety and mental health is a top priority. ⚠️

This gif of Carl makes me want to scream 😆

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Your POV:

It was known that life wasn’t fair.

It never was and it never would be.

It seemed like I could never catch a break.

Once life actually seemed good, something would come and fuck it up.

This time depression decided to fuck it up.

I’ve always suffered with it, but this time it was different. It was always manageable and short before but now, it was longer and harder to deal with.

The overwhelming fear that I wasn’t good enough and that everyone around me hated me was way stronger than it’s ever been.

Normally reading, writing, painting, or listening to music would help but I was too in my head this time.

I couldn’t get out.

Thought after thought filled my head as I held the small cold razor in my right hand.

It wasn’t the first time unfortunately.

It was some sort of relief. At the time that is.

Small droplets of blood run down my left forearm, the pain allowing for a small relief that I’ve been needing.

That relief is short lived when the thoughts come swarming back to my head.

Oh no not again.

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t manage to get rid of the nasty thoughts.

Just one more.

One turned into two which then turned into three.

At that point I gave up. Not on life but on that form of relief.

It was only harming me not helping me.

I stand up from the toilet seat washing off the razor and my arm being careful of the fresh cuts.

The sting makes me wince as the water runs over my skin.

I turn the water off heading back to my room to change and hide the razor.

Spotting a grey long sleeve shirt I swap it out for my current t- shirt. Finding a pair of black, pink sweatpants I put them on taking my shorts off beforehand.

The heat from the shirt and pants envelops me making me feel happy.

I was no longer cold due to the weather that somehow only happens at night around here.

Lately things at home haven’t been the best. My parents are almost never home anymore. They never really cared about me in the first place.

I pick up my phone checking the time that shows up in big font.

11:43 PM.

My mind still runs as I check my recent notifications hoping and praying that Carl texted.

He didn’t.

Carl and I have been best friends for years. We met in school of course.

To be honest I have no idea why he wanted to be friends with me. I’m the complete opposite of him.

He doesn’t seem to care though.

Yes he does he thinks you’re annoying that mean voice in my head sneers.

That’s not true.. right?

Those thoughts plague my mind sending me into a whirlwind of emotions. How pathetic am I to be easily persuaded by a single thought in my head?

The panic in my chest starts to rise signaling the worst thing that could be happening right now.

Fuck.

Immediately I find Carl’s contact, pressing the call button.

Placing the phone to my ear with a shaky hand, I try to take deep breaths.

After the fourth ring he picks up.

“Hello?” He says in a groggy voice.

Shit. I woke him up.

“Hi um” I start before stopping my sentence as I feel a lump form in my throat.

“Hey you okay?” Carl asks on the other side picking up on my hesitation.

“I um. I-is it okay if I um. Come over” I stutter pinching my eyes together trying not to break down.

“Yeah of course, I’ll wait for you outside” he says, shuffling being heard from his side of the phone.

“T-thank you” I say starting to head for my front door.

“I’ll be here” he reassures before hanging up.

I place my phone in my pocket opening the front door. Shutting the door behind me I start for the Gallagher house.

It’s probably a good thing I live a few houses down from him.

The dark cold outside fills around me. The cold somehow creeping through my warm clothes.

Walking fast down the sidewalk, the panic in my chest starts to worsen making my head fog up and my heart rate pick up.

Carls figure appears a few houses away. His body sitting on the steps to his house as he looks out at the road the street light illuminating his face just the right way.

Without even realizing it my pace quickens hoping that I wouldn’t start breaking down in the middle of the neighborhood.

As I get closer and closer the tightness in my lungs starts making it harder for me to breathe.

Shit.

Tears sting my eyes when I reach his calm yet slightly worried appearance.

He immediately gets up noticing me standing in front of him.

Without a word he leads me up the stairs and into his warm and cozy home.

Home.

This felt like home.

The tears in my eyes start to fall as the panic attack starts to take control. Normally I’d be able to stop an upcoming attack before it starts but this one was way to strong.

“Shit y/n” Carl whispers shocked at my sudden emotions. He quickly pulls my body towards the couch as tears run down my cheeks.

It was embarrassing to have him see me like this. Even though we’ve been friends for years, I’ve never been the type to express my feelings openly. I’ve never cried in front of him before.

There’s a first for everything right?

He holds my face in his hands, worry lacing over his beautiful features.

Sobs rack through my body as it gets harder and harder to breathe.

“I can’t b-breathe” I hiccup placing a shaky hand on my rapidly beating heart.

Fear starts to push into my mind.

Not the typical fears.

The tightness in my chest and the lack of air going into my lungs was starting to scare me.

Was I dying?

“Look at me” Carl says trying to get my focus on him. His hand taps my leg enough to get my attention but not enough to scare me.

Everything around me starts to spin making it extremely difficult to focus.

“Y/n look at me” he tries again this time moving my head in his direction griping my chin slightly.

My eyes lock with his, my entire body feeling like it’s gonna give out any second. “Follow my breathing” he says moving my hands to his stomach so that I could feel the rhythm of his breathing.

The rise and fall of his stomach underneath my hands calms me the slightest bit. It’s not enough to stop my internal and external freak out though.

He takes a few deep breaths keeping his hands on mine. His eyes hold contact with mine the entire time. Not in a creepy way of course but more in a concerned way.

Inhale

Exhale

I try to do what he’s doing, failing a few times.

Inhale

Exhale

My heart beats a mile per minute, my mind still racing.

Inhale

Exhale

My breathing starts to get better as I follow his lead.

Inhale

Exhale

I open my eyes for what felt like the first time. No more cloudy eyes filled with tears.

Inhale

Exhale

My heart beat starts to slow down the more I match my breathing.

Inhale

Exhale

The panic attack comes to a slow close, my body feeling drained of any stamina it originally had.

That was the worst panic attack I’ve ever had.

“Good” Carl comments making it known to me that he’s relieved that I’m no longer freaking out. Squeezing my hands in his slowly taking them away from his stomach he gives me a small yet sad smile.

I could tell he wanted to ask me about it but I know he didn’t want to push. Considering the fact that this was the first time I’ve cried in front of him, he was smart enough to know that I wouldn’t immediately talk about it.

My mind starts to clear giving me that much needed silence in my head. The silence I only seem to get with him.

I bow my head a few stray tears falling from my eyes.

“I’m sorry” I whisper, the embarrassment starting to show through.

Everything I’ve bottled up has presented itself to the one person I didn’t think would be there to see it.

“Hey, hey” he says lifting my head wiping the tears from my face.

“Don’t ever be sorry for something you can’t control” he frowned looking into my slightly glossy eyes.

His green eyes stare deeply into mine with an emotion I didn’t quite know. His face shows so many emotions that tell me exactly how he feels about the situation. He seems more shocked and worried than anything.

I nod my head silently saying okay even though I was gonna continue saying sorry even in times where I did nothing wrong. That’s just me though.

After a few seconds of us sitting in silence, he reaches over to the coffee table grabbing the remote before turning the tv on. He slightly lays down urging me to lay down as well.

Grateful that he decided to leave it, I lean down next to him making sure I don’t get in his way.

“Want to watch something specific?” He asks turning to me pointing the remote towards me.

“Um. I don’t know” I answer looking down at my arms. My left sleeve had risen to the point where the fresh cuts underneath where showing. I pull my sleeve further down my arm quickly enough to make sure Carl didn’t see.

I was to busy worrying about my sleeve that I didn’t notice the fact that Carl was starting at me the entire time. With him staring at me meant him also starting at my exposed arm.

I didn’t pull my sleeve down fast enough.

He saw my arm before I could even blink.

His expression changed when I turned back towards him. This time he was more sad and discouraged.

“Oh y/n/n” he sighed leaning up so that he was closer to me.

He takes my arms in his hands slowly lifting both my sleeves up.

The right arm only had a few scattered scars from a while ago, but the fresh cuts on my left arm show in full display, a few of them still slightly bleeding.

He runs the tips of his middle and pointer finger around the cuts focusing on the sight in front of him. The small action causes goosebumps to rise on my arms.

“Why?” He questions lightly going over the cuts now. He was hesitant when asking one of the questions that I’ve been dreading since my depression started.

I’ve been hiding my emotions and my thoughts for so long that everything that should be let out is bottling up in my mind.

I trusted Carl with everything in me. I’ve always been scared to share my thoughts in fear that no one would care or they’d say that I’m an attention seeker. All of this comes from past trauma that has kicked my ass in the past and still does now.

It was time for me to tell him. He’s come to me in the worst times of his life crying at my shoulder. It was time to allow myself to do the same.

“I needed a release” I start, clearing the silence in the air.

He looks up at me a mixture of surprise and sadness knowing that I was about to open up about everything going on.

“My mind won’t shut up. I have these overwhelming fears that everyone around me hates me. That you find me annoying. That I’m not good enough” I explain looking at him for his reaction.

“There’s a lot more shit that I still need to talk about but I think for right now this is a good start” I say showing a tight lipped smile.

His eyes soften at my explanation.

“I don’t find you annoying at all. You are the only person I like talking to other than my family” he says moving his hands back down to mine.

“Truth is. I’ve had a crush on you since we met. I just never had the guts to admit it” he says rubbing small circles into my hands.

Relief and delight fills my body at his sudden confession. Relief that he wasn’t judging me for my thoughts and delight because the crush I’ve had on him for years was reciprocated.

I smile at him squeezing his hand “I’ve had a crush on you too.”

A smile graces his face now at my confession. He wraps his arms around my upper body pulling me towards his chest.

I feel myself melt at his touch as the sensation of calm runs through my veins.

I wrap my arms around his neck, my head finding it way to his chest. Our heartbeats quickens a bit at the interaction.

He kisses the top of my head making sure that I know he’s sincere about his confession before pulling back from the embrace.

“Let’s get you cleaned up” he says standing up from the couch. He reaches his hand out to me wanting me to take it.

“Okay” I smile taking his hand, standing up with a little bit of his help.

My body is still shaky which means my legs feel like jelly underneath me. Exhaustion still evident within me.

He leads me to the kitchen taking his hand out from mine when we reach the counter top and the sink.

I clear a spot on the counter before I hop up on it, waving my legs back and forth like a child.

He grabs a cup filling it with water handing it to me.

“Drink this” he demands handing me the cup while trying to sound stern even though he’s gone soft for me.

“Don’t go acting all mean on me now” I chuckle taking a sip of the cool water.

“I’ll be back” he laughs shaking his head at my statement. He walks up the stairs and out of my sight leaving me to sit with my almost clear mind.

I take a few more sips of my drink as I wait for him to get back.

A few minutes later he walks back down the stairs holding a first aid kit.

“Sorry I took so long, I couldn’t find it at first. There’s so much shit in this house that everything I see is lost the next day” he snickers examining the box in his hands.

I laugh as he sets it on the counter to the left of my body. He opens the box searching through the contents to find the things he needed.

He grabs some ointment and some alcohol spray, placing them off to the side. He then grabs bandage wrap placing that to the side as well.

Walking over to the laundry he picks out a dish rag walking it back over to the sink. He runs the water over half the rag making sure that that water is rung out.

“Ready?” He asks moving to my left side.

��Your not doing surgery on me right?” I ask trying my best to sound concerned for my safety.

I laugh a little to try and lighten the mood considering the circumstances i got him involved in.

He laughs as well placing the cold wet rag on my forearm. Focusing on what he’s doing he gently runs the rag along my arm making sure to clean up any blood or dirt that has built up around the cuts.

The more he looks at it the more I can tell it’s starting to affect him. His once smiley face turned serious as time went on.

“Promise me you won’t do this again” he pleads taking his eyes off my arm. He looks up at me with pleading eyes.

“I promise” I say giving him a genuine reassuring look that both me and him need.

It’s hard to make a promise that you don’t know if you’ll keep, but I know that if I do break the promise he would understand. Of course I’m gonna do everything in my power to never do this again.

His eyes light up at my promise making him smile. Seeing him happy about my promise makes me even more determined to not break it.

Using the dry side of the rag he dries up my arm, placing the rag into the sink for someone else in the house to take care of it.

He grabs the spray from off the counter uncapping it and pointing it towards my arm.

“This is gonna sting” he says spraying it onto the fresh cuts. The stinging sensation flows through my arm making me wince slightly.

It wasn’t the worst pain in the world but you could definitely feel it.

He quickly finished up with the spray giving me a sympathetic look as he caps the spray and puts it back onto the counter.

He looks back down at my arm grabbing the ointment unscrewing the lid.

He applies small amounts on my arm before rubbing it over the cuts with a gentle touch I never thought he’d have.

That alone makes my heart flutter.

I stare at him with loving eyes as he cleans his fingers off and grabs the bandage wrap. He starts to wrap my arm with the bandage making sure that it’s tight enough that It won’t fall off but not tight enough for it to cut off my circulation.

“There, all done” he smiles placing everything back into the kit shutting it closed.

I smile before looking down at my bandage wrapped arm. The white wrap goes around almost my entire forearm. The sight makes it look like I belong in a psych ward.

That thought makes me frown knowing what I did to myself.

I didn’t deserve that.

He didn’t deserve that.

“Hey” Carl says gaining my attention. I look up in his direction as he moves in between my legs.

“It’s okay” he says placing his hands on my hips. He looks at me with soft eyes.

The tears in my eyes start to fall down my face again. I quickly wipe them away trying to make it seem like I wasn’t just crying in front of him.

Carl takes my face in his hands rubbing my cheeks with each of his thumbs. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t open up to me” he says keeping his eyes trained on mine.

“I know you don’t like talking about your feelings but it’s obvious whatever’s going on is hurting you. I don’t want you feeling hurt” he whispers the last part tears of his own starting to form.

“Carl please don’t cry” I say lifting my hands to his face so that I could wipe underneath his eyes. He moves his hands from my face down to my hips again lightly squeezing the fat that is there.

“Things at home haven’t been the greatest” I start about to tell my whole life story to him.

He stares at me intently urging me to continue my words as he rubs my hip bones with his thumbs.

“My parents were never around. I practically raised myself my entire life. Anytime they were home they would constantly yell at each other” I say looking at him then looking around the room.

“I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since I was 9 or 10” I confess. His eyebrows furrow at the age I said. That was a year or so before me and him met.

“It hasn’t been to bad to deal with. I can deal with it on my own, but this time it was worse” I bow my head feeling slightly ashamed at the fact that I couldn’t control it.

“I didn’t think I could go through this one alone so I came here” i finish as I look around the house. The safe proximity helping me feel okay.

I look back to him waiting to hear a response. He looks at me with big eyes and a small sad smile.

Out of nowhere he leans his head forward capturing my lips in a passionate and sweet kiss.

The kiss is soft and filled with the emotions running through his head.

My stomach explodes with butterflies, our lips move in sync with each other.

He keeps his hands on my hips this time squeezing them a little bit more than before.

A little out of breath we pull away our foreheads leaning against each other.

“Im so sorry if I gave you a reason to not trust me with everything you’ve gone through” he whispers to me touching his nose to mine.

“Carl” I start looking into his eyes. “Please don’t let yourself think that I don’t trust you. I trust you more than I trust anyone else in my life” I say.

“From now on I will talk to you anytime something happens. I won’t bottle things up anymore” I promise him taking my forehead away from his.

He smiles at me before wrapping his arms around my shoulders while mine wrap around his waist.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to kiss you” he chuckles resting his head on top of mine.

“Trust me. Me too” I smile leaning my head up to kiss the side of his jaw. He looks down at me a huge smile crossing his face.

“This definitely isn’t the right time but is it wrong for me to say that you kissing my jaw is a huge turn on” he says pulling away from our hug.

“Oh really” I smirk purposefully moving my hands to his waist so that I could pull him closer.

“Want me to prove it” he asks maneuvering his hands along my thighs dangerously close to where he wanted to be the most.

I would be lying if I said this wasn’t turning me on as well but instead of giving in I decided to be a tease.

“Nah I’m good thanks though” I say nonchalantly jumping down from the counter grabbing my glass that previously had water in it.

“You son of a bitch” Carl says looking at me as if I spit at him. Putting my glass under the faucet I turn it on filling the glass back up with water.

I point my left middle finger at him while I take a large sip of the water.

He looks at me in disbelief his eyes slightly wide.

I’ve never been like this before but I guess now I’m gonna show every part of me that he never knew.

“So that’s how you want to play huh?” He asks moving closer to me. He has a smug look on his face like he’s about to pounce at any moment.

“Don’t you dare” I say placing my glass down before backing away from him slowly.

He continues moving forward trapping me in the corner of the sink and the refrigerator.

Suddenly running towards me he picks me up making me squeal.

I wrap my legs around his waist while my arms wrap around his neck trying to make sure I don’t fall.

He laughs placing his hands around my back. He spins me around in a circle keeping a strong grip around me.

“I like this position” he comments earning a slap to the side of the head from me. “Stop it” I laugh wrapping my arms around his neck again.

He walks us to the living room lightly throwing me down onto the couch before landing on top of me.

He leans up to place a short kiss to my lips before turning the tv back on to a random channel.

He switches through a few channels before giving up. There wasn’t anything good on since it was practically the middle of the night.

It was some sort of animal channel but we didn’t care.

We only cared about each other.

He cuddled up to my chest pulling my sleeves back down my arms to my hands knowing it was annoying me.

I play with his hair as both of us start to loose touch of reality and start to blink back sleep.

Tonight’s actions run through my head one last time before I fall asleep with him cuddled up to me.

I hope every day includes special moments like what we had tonight.

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A/n: Every imagine I see they say Carl has blue eyes. When I looked it up on google it said that he had green eyes. So that’s what I went with. Hope you liked the imagine :) I had a great time writing it.

#carl gallagher #imagine #carl gallagher x reader #shameless #mental health #sh trigger warning #fluff

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shadowofahope · 2 months

Text

Eucalyptus || 2.5

Warnings: Swearing, abandonment, hybrids are only considered as pets, mentions of pre-heat and scent triggers, use of medication, overdosing(unintentional), self-harm (unintentional)

Premise: A sugar glider hybrid with a broken past. Seven men convinced they can give her the life she’s always wanted. Sometimes destiny has a funny way of finding you, and sometimes it smells like Eucalyptus.

WC: 1.3K

Masterlist || 001 || 002 || 2.5

Words tumble out of your mouth when you hear the click.

“I need….Can I have more..?” You try to stop your hands from shaking. They haven’t stopped in weeks.

“Already?” The vet asks from the other end of the phone. He was finishing his paperwork for the day. He had Chinese takeout with his name on it that he was eager to get to when you called. Which was unusual in itself because you never called without one of your owners present or even all of them. “I gave you a 4-month trial, it's only been just over a month. Are they not working?”

You force down the thick lump of saliva in your throat, trying to clear your voice enough to sound..well like you were fine. “They were…but then- I need something stronger.”

You were not fine. You hadn’t been since the week you had been given the pills. But you held onto some hope that your body just had to adjust to them, waiting for them to take the discomfort away, the unending need you felt.

“Snow I can’t give you anything stronger, as you are a smaller hybrid they will be fatal if we’re not careful.” He sits up straighter in his chair. Forgoing his paperwork to focus on your words. “Did you try taking an extra one? That should help without being too much for your body.”

“I did.” The room starts to spin a little, you stumble to sit on the ground.”...So I took more.”

“How many more?” Now he’s slightly worried.

“Today or ?” You hold your head in your hand, but you're still finding it hard to stay upright. “I started taking 2 but then it stopped working so I took another and then…eventually another…”

“That’s 4. How long have you been taking 4?”

“A month or so?”

“How many today?” He was trying to keep calm, but inside he was frantic. 4 is double your max dose. He just hoped today you hadn’t followed the same pattern.

“Today…today….six…” The urge to vomit was slowly forcing its way higher and higher from your stomach. Every inch you could feel it burning a path through you. You decide it would be best to lay down on the hardwood. The coolness against your clothed back gave a welcome break from the rising heat. “It kept hurting. It wouldn’t stop hurting…”

“I need… I need… I need to morph back. I don’t feel as sick. I don’t want to be sick.” You could hear your own words slowing. Your mouth couldn’t keep up with your mind anymore. Or was it your mind not being able to keep up with your mouth? You couldn’t tell the difference anymore.

The tantalizing taste of eucalyptus that hung in the air. It was always the only thing your mind could focus on. It felt so thickly enticing.

“Snow! Do not change into your hybrid-” He’s cut off by a sharp chirp through the phone. “Shit.”

“Deandra!” He yells out his office door. “I need your hybrid in here now!”

One of the shelters nurses and her raccoon hybrid come running into the room, they had stayed later tonight to help finish getting the new hybrid drop offs comfortable. He shoves the phone at the male hybrid.

“I need you to tell me exactly what she’s saying. Keep her talking.” He instructs sternly. Normally he wouldn’t talk to someones hybrid like this but he doesn’t have the ability to watch his tone or filter his words.

He reaches over his desk knocking the papers that he was working on onto the floor. He quickly dials your owners number that he has kept on speed dial since his first day visiting you.

He hears the click of a connect.

“Seokjin! Thank god. Tell me, are you the one?” He feels out of breathe, like he’s panting. Even though he’s not.

“Doctor? The one what?” Seokjin’s curious words respond to him.

“The one who started Snow’s heat.” He clarifies.

There’s a pause. It takes too long for the other to answer his question.

“QUICKLY.” He shouts at the younger.

“No. No. its not me. What is happening?!” Seokjin’s concern erupts through his ears.

“You need to get home now, I’ll leave as soon as I can. The pills had a severe negative affect. She’s taken too many.” He explains desperately. He can’t hide the panic in his feet, he’s pacing in the space infront of his desk.

“What?” Seokjin tells himself out loud. “I have to tell the others.”

“No! Only you. Whoever it is will only make this worse. She needs you right now.”

“I’m leaving.” The younger notifies him as well as anyone else in the room with him.

“I’ll meet you there.” They both hang up, not bothering with any form of goodbyes.

“-Doctor…..” The racoon hybrid calls to him.

“What is she saying??” He’s trying to keep himself from yelling. But the full blown panic that is beginning to set within him is about to break out.

“She’s not… she’s not talking. She’s only making noises, nothing is making sense. I don’t think-”

He points to the nurse, “Call an emergency vehicle to head there. Tell them it’s critical.”

Rounding his desk, he snatched the phone away from the hybrid shuffling him to the other side and points at him, “Stay.”

“Snow! Hear me. Talk to me. Jin is on his way. You need to change back.” He hears a few other cheeps before loud rustling.

“Liiiiiiving with them…… has maaaade me…. the hppiest…. Ive ever been in my eeentiiiiire liiiiife.” Your voice comes through muffled and slurring. “I would gooo through….. aaaaaall….. the abuse…. I sufferrrrred…. over again….. to have the chance…. to beeee their pet. They loved meeeee doctor…”

“Love, snow. They love you.”

“I used to….. maaaake themmmmm sooooo haaaaappy….. Theeeey would alwayssss… ssssmiiiile when they ssssaaaaw mmmme…they donnnnnnnn sssmile assssss…… much anymore….. I wisssh they did….. How doo I…. make them sssssmile… again…?”

“They want you to be healthy and happy. That’s all they want.” He tries to quiet his own breath to be able to hear your slow deep attempts.

He hears a bang and rustling from the other end. He hits speaker on his office phone. The other hybrid still in his office, just in case she returns back to hybrid form. God he hopes she doesn’t.

“Snow what happened?” He can hear Sekjin’s voice now.

“Thesssse…. are…. Pretty’ssss…. Eyesssss.” Her slurring worsens. It’s almost incomprehensible.

“Snow please. Doctor what do I do?” Jins voice abruptly yells.

“I have an emergency vehicle headed to you now. Keep her awake and don’t let her change into her hybrid form. The medication will only circulate through her system faster.”

“Pretty…. issssn’t sssssmiling.-How do IIIII -maaaaake Pretty …ssssssmiiiiiile again.” He can hear Seokjin sniffling through her attempts at speech. “i kn..ooow. Everyyyyoooone ssssssmiiilessss ….when immmmm -”

“little…” they word escapes out in an exhale.

Airy faint chirps are heard, he drastitically turns to the other hybrid.

“Doctor! She’s changed again!” Jin all but shrieks.

“What is she saying?” He demands of the terrified male hybrid.

“...” He walks closer to listen, his face going pale. “She’s saying… ‘I’ll stay little forever. I’m no trouble when I’m little.’” Listens again “‘Everyone smiles when I’m little….I’ll stay little’…..She’s just repeating ‘I’ll stay little’ over and over again.”

“Snow!” Seokjin whimpers over the phone, his voice breaking. Just like his heart.. “No…. please.”

“I’M ON MY WAY!” He grabs his things from his drawer and bolts for the door.

Running to his car he thinks about all the risks, the side affects he had gone over with you, all the late night research he had done. But this isn’t one of the risks that even crossed his mind. He made a vow all those years ago when you first came to the shelter. He promised to find you a loving family, that you would finally be happy.

He didn’t realize just how dangerous this could be. How there was one thing above all others that could make it all come crashing down…desperation.

Masterlist || 001 || 002 || 2.5

taglist:@luminaaz, @mingkilovur, @thefirewasfriendly, @malewife-supremacy, @cestlabellemort @purpleskyyyy @aianloveseven @zera10 @roguesthetic, @littlrmills14-blog, @hesmyphenominiall @ottergirl @scrumptioustrash

#bts imagines #bts fic #bts angst #bts fanfics #bts fanfic #bts fan fiction #bts hybrid fanfic #bts hybrid au #bts namjoon #bts taehyung #bts jin #bts yoongi #bts jungkook #bts jimin #bts hoseok #reader x mate revealed

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getmecakeordeath · 9 months

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For those who self h@rm by cvtting, here’s some tips for taking care of yourself from someone whos being doing it for 10+ years

•It’s okay, don’t think any less of yourself for relapsing. It happens and its okay. No one ever tells you that its okay.

•Invest in a person first aid kit, I’m a first responder so I’ve always been stocked up. You should make sure your kit has the following:

• sterile cleansing wipes (you can never have enough of these)

•Conforming bandages (you’ll need this for bigger cuts to help keep the gauze secure

•Microporous Tape

•Different size wound dressings

•Plasters of all different sizes (fabric ones work best I find)

•Kitchen roll (I know that sounds strange but it helps to stop the bleeding, where as tissue just falls to bits)

•Some wound closure stitches (butterfly stitches)

•Wash your hands properly before you cvt, it will help keep you safe okay

•Whatever your going to cvt with make sure you give it a good clean with a sterile wipe, I got some nasty infections from not doing this when I was young.

•After you have had your ‘session’ (at least that’s what I call mine) make sure that you treat your wound properly:

•Hold the kitchen roll to your wound until it stops bleeding.

•Clean the area with the sterile wipes thoroughly

•If it is small enough for a plaster then out that on there

•If not use the wound dressings, measure up to the wound ensuring that there is a good finger width between the edge of the cut and the end of the dressing

•Use the tape to secure it into place

•Hold one end of the bandage away from the wound before you start wrapping it (so you have something to tie it off with)

•Don’t wrap it too tight or it will be uncomfortable and you’ll want to take it off

•Change the bandage or plaster every day at least once (I know that it’s hard but if you don’t it might cause an infection)

•If you cvt too deep, it happens it’s okay I’ve been there, push firmly against the wound with a tea towel or any fabric you can get. If the blud is pouring out I’m going to need you to hold it against you wound as hard as you can and then a little harder. Call you Emergencey service number (999, 911 etc) they will talk you though what you have to do and get you help.

•Dispose of any blades you use, don’t use them twice it WILL cause an infection that can get into your blood. I bought pencil sharpeners on Amazon for very cheap. One use only okay? You don’t want to get sick over it.

•If you want to help your scars become less visible use Bio Oil I think that it works the best and really helped me with the ones on my arms.

•There are things that can help you with your urges or relapses.

•Some helpful apps that I would recommend are:

•StayAlive (I have had this on my phone for many years now and it has saved my life

It has saved my life on many occasions and if you find that you are in need of die help, you can show it to the emergency services and they will help you okay. We are trained in this.

•Harm less (It gives you motivational things whenever you open it, it’s 100% customisable and it can help you keep track of your relapses)

•Its okay to relapse, I’ve been though it many times, I recently just relapsed acted a 250+ day gap. Its okay and no one says it enough. You haven’t let anyone down, no one is disappointed in you, your okay.

Just some tips I’ve learnt over time, it’s going to be okay

#mental illness #tw depressing stuff #sh #self harmmm #tw selfhate #tw self destructive behavior #tips #safety #medicare #mental trauma #self love #self help #cutt1ng #twst

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raindropsyndrome · 1 year

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My Bros Before Brooches AU continuation post?!

Hello! I’m briefly delving back into my AU I came up with a few months ago, “Bros Before Brooches”

Which, is admittedly more of a “self-indulgent-fan-made-continuation-of-a-show-I-really-like-that-got-cancelled-years-ago” that I just call an “AU” for short.

(Also side note, yes, I am aware I made a few mistakes the last couple times I posted about this. I know. I know. 😔)

And now I will proceed to infodump about it if anyone’s interested

Rough Episode Summary:

* Turtles wonder what it would be like to live “normal” lives

* Donnie makes a set of cloaking brooches

* Mikey, Donnie, and Leo (now disguised,) get taken to a mall by April to do some normal teenager activities. Raph stays behind (Out of moral confliction)

* There they arrive at a clothing store where Baxter Stockboy works(?) and where a disguised Usagi works

* (Stockboy has a house-arrest style tracking anklet on, he’s only permitted to go where his parents take him. AKA, only his parent’s various stores and his house.)

* April spots a piece of clothing she REALLY wants

* Leo takes note of both of these and carries on

* Stockboy notices them and immediately recognizes April, but not the boys

* Stockboy then demands that April stops and leaves before he does something that will “ruin her life”(wow, so intimidating)

* After a bit of bickering between April and Baxter, Leo shoves himself between them and convinces Baxter to at least let April have that one piece of clothing she wants, Baxter agrees, if Leo and his brothers help Baxter with a super-secret-special-project he’s been working on (they reluctantly agree)

* Meanwhile, Raph finally decides to try and find his brothers out of overwhelming stress and guilt. (Especially because he thinks he hurt Donnie’s feelings by not using his brooch)

* Cut back to April, who tries to convince the boys that she’ll just go find some other piece of clothing at another shop and continue to do what they all wanted to do and not let her misfortune ruin this for them, but to no avail. She gives up and leaves them with an eye roll and lets them go on their fetch quest

* Baxter then separates the boys from April, bringing them to a storage room behind the shop

* (Not) surprisingly, Baxter has a new scheme to get revenge on the turtles, this time he’s made a decently-sized mech to battle the turtles with. (Which is hilariously dressed up, as Stockboy’s only resources he could get himself without leaving his parent’s shop were clothes and various display parts)

* Un-phased, (with Mikey giggling at the sight of this creation,) all proceed to help Stockboy (it’s for the greater April,) and start gathering things from around the mall to help complete the mech

* (Stockboy got all of his previous tech taken away from the last incident he caused, and needs new resources… which are quite limited, obviously.)

* The boys soon need Usagi’s help, because they have no idea what they’re doing (they haven’t properly gone shopping before.)

* Usagi is reluctant to help at first, but eventually, with some convincing from Leo, (emphasizing how pleased his bosses would be if he helps customers,) he decides to help them

* Later, (now disguised) Raph finds where April is (a completely different part of the mall by now,) and the startled April explains to Raph everything that happened, then they both go to try and find their brothers (to “check up on them”)

* Long story short Baxter finds out the boys are the turtles and they get their covers blown. A real; “How do you know these are disguises?” “Because you just told me.” Moment

* Usagi suspected something was up about the brothers before, (he had involuntary heard a lot about them from Baxter’s rambling,) but this grand reveal moment had confirmed his suspicions

* Baxter (now in his mech,) starts a fight, but the boys try not to harm him in any way (for over-powered mystic abilities beyond humanly possible reasons)

* They stall by parrying and avoiding hits until Leo thinks of what to. (Raph and April had found them by now)

* Usagi is conflicted on whether to stay and fight, or get away from what’s going down, he shows a bit of fighting and parkour skill when he tries to hold his ground and dodge the chaos unfolding nearby

* Leo spots this, then comes up with a plan to take down Stockboy

* Leo instructs the others to try and lead Stockboy out of the store, so that his anklet would alert authorities, while he goes and talks to Usagi, because now he has some suspicions of his own. They (April, Raph, Mikey and Donnie,) nod and carry out the plan

* In an effort to destroy the turtles, Stockboy ends up destroying his own parent’s store (again) and that same destruction is soon to spread to the rest of the mall (uh oh)

* The building is on fire now and starts falling apart

* In a shielded place, Leo finds and confesses to Usagi that he’s been lying about his identity, and reveals his true turtley self in front of Usagi. To the surprise of Leo, Usagi does as well.

* Usagi suggests that they get a fresh start together and meet up in the mystic city later, Leo agrees

* (Leo is so obviously crushing hehehehfajdh)

* Usagi says goodbye leaves through a nearby window

* The rest had successfully knocked over Stockboy, which had landed him outside of the mall

* Everyone leaves the mall one-by-one and later they all come to the conclusion that being themselves is better than what just happened, and that they’ll only use their brooches if they absolutely need to

* Stockboy is not left in the now collapsed building, and is found by two angry parents and a crowd of police officers

* The end :)

Alright so that was the episode summary, now here’s a tidbit focused on Usagi

Usagi Yuichi

In typical Rise fashion, Usagi’s character traits mostly get overhauled for new ones. So my version of Usagi is relatively different from past versions, while keeping some of the backstory. (As far as I know)

Usagi gets introduced in “Bros Before Brooches,” when he’s first seen in human form as he’s disguised with his “Hi, my name is” pin. He worked in a store Stockboy’s parents owned inside the shopping mall the boys and April visit.

Usagi immediately presents himself as diligent worker and will do anything someone of authority will ask of him. No questions asked. He’s extremely determined to get his tasks done. He just gets right to the point and is as stiff as a board, and gets easily annoyed when he’s interrupted by anyone other than his manager.

He first comes off as a headstrong and strict antagonistic jerk to the (disguised) turtles and April, not wanting to help or even talk to them.

But he eventually caves and begrudgingly helps them out.

And Even though he’s like this, he eventually softens up when he meets Leo, properly introducing himself and even inviting Leo to meet up with him later by the end of the episode.

After breaking the ice a bit, Usagi is revealed to be a bit of a naive goofball. And such a naive goofball, that he is completely oblivious to Leo crushing on him.

Outside of the episode

Usagi is a Yokai that grew up in a remote part of the mystic city on a farm. He was raised by his great aunt, and leans heavily toward tradition. Especially with mystic powers.

He is greatly determined to become a samurai, specifically by his aunt’s standards. Which… are pretty high.

His aunt and himself always look to their ancestor, Usagi Miyamoto, for reference on how a great samurai should be. His aunt teaches him everything Usagi Miyamoto would know, which with what little remains of his influence, is practically baseless. (But Usagi doesn’t know this, and that his aunt is mostly making things up. She is kind of a control freak in this version. Sorry, I had to be angsty somewhere.)

Usagi is so determined to become a samurai, that he’s developed a lack of interest to make any connections other than his aunt. He’s practically driven anyone his age away because all he cares about is his training.

His aunt sent Usagi on a “mission” to go “undercover” as a human to “infiltrate” their ranks. She filled out Usagi’s job application herself, and gave Usagi the “Hi, my name is” pin. (Which is actually another cloaking brooch.) All of this so Usagi would be able to go there as soon as possible. His aunt just wants to get rid of him for a few hours each day and for him to make some friends.

I imagine if his arc gets expanded on, he’ll have beef with Donnie (who doesn’t use his mystic abilities in the traditional sense,) discover his aunt is lying and start questioning everything he was taught, and by-proxy struggle with his trust issues more. He’d become extremely rebellious, but later with the support of his new friends, become more kind, open-minded, give into his true goofball self, and learn to trust others.

OK THAT’S EVERYTHING TYSM IF YOU ACTUALLY READ ALL OF THIS?!

*runs*

#IM SO NORMAL.#art #my art #my artwork #sketch #sketches #fan art #fanart #rise of the tmnt au #rise of the tmnt fanart #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt au #rottmnt #rottmnt fan art

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adoreeenina · 6 months

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I wanna be yours - Ch. 5

(Recom! Miles Quaritch x Sully! Reader x Recom! Lyle Wainfleet)

(Warning: Polyamorous relationship. Angst. Enemies to Lovers. Slow burn. Falling in love. Redemption arc. Canon deaths (but not really). Romance. Smut. Jealousy. Threesome. Anal(both F & M receiving). Mention of suicide, self harm, depression, anxiety. PTSD. Feelings being revealed. Jake and Neytiri not being good parents to reader. Reader being a motherly figure to Spider.)

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

“Who the fuck gave you permission to leave?” Quaritch seethes, watching as you walk back to camp with one of their backpacks you had taken, filled to the brim with Puffball, Spartan, and Yovo fruit.

You had woken up early before anyone, and even sneaked past Prager, who was on watch for the night. You were hungry, you haven’t ate since being taken.

“I was getting food” you snark back as you grab a spartan fruit and toss it to Spider, who easily caught it.

“We have food” Quaritch counters as if he was talking to a bratty child, and maybe he was.

“Real food. That shit you tried to poison me last night isn’t food. Just try it” you shove a Yovu fruit into chest, careful not squeeze it. “You’ll thank me later” you grin. You toss different fruits to the other recoms, some eyes it suspiciously and others, like Lyle, bites into the fruits with no hesitation.

“Oh my god, this so good” you hear Lopez moan in content.

You walk over to Spider who holds the Spartan fruit towards you. You grab it as you sit down next to him, you had managed to find a thin rock that you had washed in a stream close by. You start cutting the fruit into smaller pieces and placing them on a leaf for Spider.

“Thank you” Spider graciously pulls the leaf full of fruit towards him. You watch Spider as he takes a deep breath, pulling the mask up, he places a piece of fruit into his mouth before covering his face once again, humming appreciated.

You look around seeing many of the recoms eating the fruits with their bare hands, juice covering their mouths and dripping down their hands, you turn to see the Colonel, using his knife to cut into the fruit, stabbing it and placing it in his mouth.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Trying to decide on how to teach the recoms was harder than you thought. You had agreed on Spider to teach the recombinants the language, you don’t think you have the patience for that. Normally you would have taught them how to ride a Pa’li, but there’s none around, plus you don’t really trust them not to kill them.

A bow and arrow is also a must for their iknimaya, but you doubt any of them would be any to train with a bow, seeing how trigger happy they are with their guns.

Balance is what you decided to teach them first. They’re aren’t human anymore, their Na’vi bodies are made for the forest, they just have to trust their natural instincts and body.

A week passes and you had managed to convince them to get rid of the boots, but not without the whining and the reluctance from them.

Spider had taken a liking to the recoms, you’ve seen how close he’s been getting with Lyle, Ja, and Mansk. It worried you on how attach Spider is getting but you can’t blame him, back at high camp many of the Na’vi just see him as a demon, a mistake. It’s refreshing seeing Spider this way, it gives you happiness.

There’s not a day that goes by that you don’t think about your siblings. If you know your father, he most likely moved out of High Camp and found safety somewhere else for the safety of the family. It doesn’t mean you can’t be a bit petty towards him.

You have noticed how Lyle tried to get you to open up, anytime he had the time, he would look for you and try to talk to you, you immediately shut him down and walk away from him. If only you looked back, you would see how his ears flick downwards.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

“You have to be faster than that, ” you giggle as you swiftly land on a different branch, avoiding Lopez hands. He quickly doubles back and tries to hold his balance on the branch above you.

You’ve been teaching them on how to hunt and practice their balance, and cause you wanted to fuck with the recoms, you thought a game of tag will help. It helped with Lo’ak and Neteyam, it could help the recoms.

The recoms seems to like the game of chase, they like the thrill of it, like it was instinct. You running around the trees, jumping from branch to branch, tree to tree. You felt free, besides the tracker that the Colonel made you wear on your wrist.

You had half of the unit trying to catch you, Lyle, Lopez, Ja, and Prager, while the others stayed behind, mostly Quaritch stayed behind to watch your movements from the tracking device in his hands. He didn’t want to risk you running off. His words? You plan to run off, I’ll bring you back with your ass bruised. Well that was kind of a tempting offer might you add.

“Use your tail as counterbalance. Your tail is what helps you” you shout at them.

“Don’t you see I’m trying, babosa” Lopez curses at you. You couldn’t help but giggle at his obvious agitation.

Your ears twitch hearing silent footsteps behind you. Whoever it was is stealthily as shit, but it still needs work, their sky people cloths makes them loud.

You moved just in time to see Lyle throw his arms out to try and catch you. He didn’t calculate well when he threw himself at you. Barely catching himself on the branch as he hangs on the side of the branch for dear life.

“Damn! You guys suck at this” you grin down at Lyle. Lyle just huffs a laugh as he shakes his head.

Since this game of tag the only people who almost managed to catch you was Lyle and Mansk.

“You’ll need to cut those pants, they make too much noise” you nod your towards his cammies.

“Yeah? You want to see me naked too, Sully?” He grins up at you. You watch as Lyle groans as he pulls himself up. Damn he has good arm strength.

“Maybe” with that, you hop to another branch to crest distance before he could cheat and catch you.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Watching the recom unit try to be Na’vi is entertaining to no end. You and Spider even made bets.

The first bet? Who would be the first to fail to catch a fish.

You had taken the unit to the closest stream, another lesson. To teach them how to hunt. Again you wanted to teach them the bow, but of course they declined, saying *why we need bows if we have guns*

You watch on the sidelines, seeing many of them in their undergarments, trying to catch fish, many failed.

You look back to your hands, weaving a basket for your next trip to get food for your and the others, Prager got pissed when you returned his backpack smelling of sweet fruits and sticky from its juices.

You felt uncomfortable. You hate how these demons acted like they didn’t just kidnapped you and Spider, you hate it even more seeing how Spider is playing with them in the water, distracting the demons from their teaching.

“Thinking pretty hard there, mama” hearing the all to familiar voice of the biggest pain in your ass.

“Please kindly go away, I’m introverting” Quaritch couldn’t hold back a grin at your sarcasm. You’re a spitfire, that’s for sure. He can’t deny that he kinda likes that about you.

“You’re little sarcastic comments will get you into trouble one of these days”

That makes you roll your eyes as you continue to weave your basket, not even bothering to look at him. Just looking at him makes you want to drown him.

“I’ve reach at that point where my brain goes from ‘you probably shouldn’t say that’. To ‘what the hell. Let’s see what happens’” you place the half made basket to the side as you stand to your full height. You walk closer to the stream, kneeling down you pluck two yursyulang from the ground, thanking the great mother. You start making your way to the far side of the stream where the waterfall is.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Quaritch calls for you in irritation. That made you turn to look at him with a glare

“I’m going to bathe unless you want to watch me” you throw your hands up, where does this asshole have the fucking audacity to control you, praying to the great mother to give you patience for these demons.

You turn back around to continue on your way behind the waterfall. You glance back at the unit, you caught Lyle’s gaze before you disappear completely behind the waterfall.

You look at the two pinkish r reddish flowers in your palms, you were planing on washing your cloths and your body. With a sigh, you place the flowers down, you tug the shirt over your head and toss it carelessly to the side, along with the sweatpants.

You sit on the edge, letting your body slide into the water on a rock, not fully in the water, you quietly moan in relief as your shoulders relax, the water is warm and earthy-smelling, crystal clear as it laps against your skin like wet silk.

Your arm reach to grab one of the flowers and dip it into the water before rubbing it into your skin on your arms, washing away any dirt from the days in the forest, loving the feeling the flower leaving your skin clean and soft. You continue cleaning the rest of your body.

You slid further into the water, dipping your head, wetting your braids. You rub the flower between your hands, leaving a milky substance, once you’re satisfied, you start washing your hair and scalp.

Once done, you start washing the cloths, dipping the cloths into the water, you start rubbing the flower against the cloths and scrub the cloths onto a rock.

“Having fun?” You jump at the voice and snap your head to entranceway of the waterfall. Seething the female recom.

“Can I help you?” You snarl before turning back to scrubbing the cloths against the rock, not really caring that the woman is seeing you naked. The Na’vi are comfortable in their own bodies, you’re no different, besides the insecurities of your heritage.

“Just checking on you” she shrugs as she eyes your figure as she tilts her head.

“Let me guess, the demon ordered you to check on me, to make sure I didn’t make a run for it?” You sarcastically made without even looking at her.

Zee chuckles before walking a little closer, not too close. “Is it obvious?”

“Very”

Zee watches you curiously, her eyes gaze down at your body, seeing multiple scares across your body. You’re obviously a warrior, it’s clear from the cloths you were wearing and the scars imprinted around your body.

Zee and many others of team are intrigued by you, not because you were Jake Sully’s daughter but your discrepancy. You look exactly like your father with some similarities to your mother. The extra finger and the hairy eyebrows is what gave it away that you were a half breed.

When you were heavily sedated back at Bridgehead. Zee remembers Lyle talking about how you have Heterochromia iridum. Zee is no expert or scientist but she knows that isn’t normal for the Na’vi., She remembers Jake Sully, she knows Jake didn’t have that, maybe his twin brother had it? You were also curvier, thick! But strong, she heard from Mansk on how you were able to take him down so easily. It amazes her, how a runt like you was able to take down not only one but three men that were twice your size.

Zee also notice how closed off you are. She seen how Lyle tries to make conversation with you but you instantly shut him out and You like pissing Quaritch off. She’s could see the discomfort and mistrust in your eyes when you’re with the group while Spider instantly bonded with them.

“You don’t like us very much don’t you?” Zee ask. You huff a laugh amusingly before turning to look at her.

“Try getting kidnapped by Na’vi wannabes, be forced to teach them the Na’vi way. Get threaten by the asshole of a Colonel, then we’ll talk. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not doing this from the goodness of my heart, I’m doing this to make sure you demons don’t lay a finger on Spider”

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

“You know, if you wanted time alone, all you had to do was ask” Lyle climbs onto the thick branch that you’re sitting on. You groan seeing his presence once again. It’s like he loves annoying you

Lyle sits sideways on the branch, a few inches away from you. You’re facing him with your back against the tree.

Since the conversation with Zee, you ignored everyone, including Spider. You wanted time alone, and you can’t even have that with Lyle following you around like a lost cub.

“Ever heard of ‘wanting time away from the kids’” you huff in annoyance. It’s past Eclipse, many of the recoms are still awake, chatting away, you could hear laughter from up where you were.

“Ouch” Lyle places his hand to his heart with faux pain. “Just came to check on you. You seemed pretty pissed off back at the stream”

“How caring” you roll your eyes. Your head tilts upwards to look up at stars, letting the cool air graze your skin so lovingly. You miss Rawm, you know he misses you. You want to fly again, feel the breeze in your face, blowing at your hair.

“I want you to teach me Na’vi”

“Spider is teaching you” you look at Lyle with a deadpan look. Lyle grins seeing the annoyance clear in your eyes.

“I learn better when I have pretty face teaching me” Lyle scoots a little closer to you. Your ears tilt down as the end of your tail sways side to side next you.

“How charming” with a sigh, you sit up, crossing your legs. “Fine”

——

“Sevin”

“Seven”

“No! Skxáwng!” Your hand smacks the side of head, a small ‘ow’ falls from his lips as he looks at you in surprise.

“Again! Sevin? Seee-vin!” You growl, you’re growing frustrated with the Corporal in front of you. Lyle changed his sitting position to sit cross cross in front you.

“This is stupid! I’m clearly saying it right!” Your hand reach out to slap his head again for his ignorance.

“Ow! Stop slapping me!” Lyle groans as he rubs at his head. You ignore him and his childish antics

“Again!” You demand, you watch Lyle grumble as he tries to pronounce the word.

“Sevin” Lyle says perfectly, making you smile.

“Yes” you squeal at his accomplishment as you clap your hands.

“What does that mean?” Lyle question.

“Pretty”you answer with a smile. You look down at the small camp below you, hearing their laughter getting louder, hearing Spider scolding them, warning them of predators.

You feel hands caressing your hands before gently holding them, your turn to look at Lyle, looking at you with such admiration. Your breath hitch, as you gaze into his eyes.

“ngeyä nari lu sevin” (you’re eyes are pretty) your eyes widen at his perfect Na’vi. You feel your body warm up, you sheepishly look down at Lyle’s hands clutch yours.

You notice Lyle is not wearing his gloves, his hands bare as they hold yours. His hands engulfing yours, you see his hands are twice the size of yours.

Before you could register it, you start tracing the veins on the back his hands. You never met anyone with hands like yours, not counting Lo’ak, Kiri, your dad and the avatars back at High Camp. You compare the size of your hands to Lyle’s. He has beautiful hands.

“You have beautiful hands, why hide them behind those ugly gloves?” You didn’t what compelled you to ask. Lyle looks away from your hands to you.

“Don’t know, I just-“ Lyle shrugs, “I just do” he doesn’t take his eyes off you. He’s mesmerized by you, he didn’t understand why, maybe cause you’re exotic looking, you look completely different from the other Na’vi he’d seen and that includes Zee and Walker.

Eye contact is such an intense thing. Like a million thoughts rush through your mind all while looking into someone’s soul… intriguing…

Eye contact is dangerous, dangerous thing. But lovely, oh so lovely.

Looking up at him, you notice how he’s only staring at you, a gentle look on his face. Why is he looking at you like that?

“Y/n?!?” Hearing Spider call for you snaps you out of your daze. You look away, feeling embarrassed, pulling your hands out of Lyle’s grasp.

“I have to go” you didn’t bother hearing if Lyle responds as you swiftly jump down branch to branch so easily.

“Fuck” Lyle curses as he aggressively wipe down his face with his hand, not being able to his eyes off of you.

(Lyle’s hands are fucking gorgeous, you have to agree with me on that, also when was anyone going to tell me that I spelled Lyle’s last name wrong, now I look stupid and have to edit his name on my other chapters. How embarrassing)

Taglist: @alexandra-001 @commanderrivercc-3628 @henhouse-horrors @certainkittenpeach

Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/aninelover21-blog/731326408887042048/bound-to-you-masterlist

(Who do you think would catch Y/n’s heart first? Lyle or Miles? I’ll love to hear your opinions)

#miles quaritch x reader #recom lyle wainfleet #sully reader #lyle wainfleet x reader #recom miles quaritch #spider x reader #polyamory #throuple #polyamarous #miles quaritch x reader x lyle wainfleet #I wanna be yours

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aanoia · 1 year

Text

Live for you

JJ Maybank x reader

Summary; reader is fresh out of the mental hospital

Warnings; huge TW, suicide, self harm, mental hospital, mentions of alcohol and weed

Words; 1000+

If you are struggling please reach out. To me, or someone you trust. Please. I will sit and listen to your problems all night. Coming from someone who has attempted suicide and who self harmed for years, in the end it does not help. I understand the feeling of never getting better, but please try. I am here for everyone.

Requests are welcome and encouraged! I have a anon submission box and you can ask in comments!

There’s one thing no one prepares you for in a mental hospital. Leaving. Great deals of dread and loneliness fill my body as the beach rolls by. Memories of surfing and messing around with friends flood my mind. My friends. I haven’t heard from them in two months. The hospital didn’t allow anyone who wasn’t family to contact me. I missed them. I missed the Pogues.

We pulled up to my house. It was a decent size. My parents didn’t make as much money as Kook parents, but not as little as Pogue parents. We were in the middle. Not rich enough to be a Kook, and not poor enough to be a Pogue. The car stopped and my mom turned around in the passenger seat with a comforting smile.

“We’re home, sweetie.” She said softly. That’s one of the many things I hate about just being out of a mental hospital for trying to kill yourself. Everyone states the obvious as if I’m too numbed by the want to commit suicide that I can’t see what’s right in front of me.

I undid my seatbelt with shaky hands and opened the car door. Slowly I rose out of the car and took a deep breath as my dad got out of the car himself. He gave me a smile, which I weakly returned before he went to the door of the house and unlocked it. The bags and worry lines were prominent on his face. I pinch my thigh, feeling guilty to put him and my mom through so much turmoil.

I walked through the doorway and was greeted with the familiar warmth of lavender candles and soft knit blankets which my mom made. The house was exactly how I left it, nothing seemed to be different. Everything was the same, except a painting. One I made when I was in seventh grade. It had moved to a different wall, and was closer to the ground then I remembered.

I gently rubbed my wrist, soothing the small ache of my scars. My mom and dad lingered in the living room, not saying anything but closely watching me. Their eyes burned into my back as I slowly walked up the stairs, savoring the feeling of the smooth wood railing. My leg tingled as I remembered when I tumbled down the stairs and broke my ankle when I was ten. I was so sure I was going to die as I laid in the backseat of the car with tears streaming down my face. In the passenger seat my mom tried her hardest not to have a heart attack as my dad was slightly amused at the situation, but still had slight worry for his daughter.

I walked down the hallway to the door of my room. The door was still painted black with white specks of paint and five hand prints, all different colors. The F/c handprint was mine, the red one was JJ’s, pink was Kiara’a, blue was Pope’s, and purple was John B’s. We painted it together only three months before I was rushed to the hospital. Only three months where my world almost ended. It seemed like a lifetime ago, despite it only being five months ago.

The golden doorknob was cold as I gently twisted it and it creaked as I opened the door, the sense of familiarity making me feel a little bit better. My room was the same. The only difference is it was clean. And also probably stripped of all the shards of glass, blades, pills, joints, and alcohol I had hidden. It even smelled the same. Vanilla, with a hint of cinnamon, as JJ would say.

Tears stung my eyes as I looked at the polaroids that were taped onto my wall into the shape of a heart. My favorite, which was in the middle of the heart, was JJ and I kissing during sunset. Pope had taken the picture without us realizing and gifted it to me for my birthday. I touched the polaroid, wiping away a speck of dust before exiting my room with a new found urgency.

I walked down the stairs quickly to meet my parents sitting at the island, talking quietly with each other. They looked at me with confusion.

“What’s got you in such a hurry?” My dad asked with a small smile to show he was joking. I half smiled back.

“I need to go to the chateau. I need to see my friends.” I said with a steady voice, which surprised even me.

My mom and dad looked at each other before my dad nodded. “I’ll take you.” He said and grabbed the car keys. He kissed my mom goodbye and I waved to her as we left the house. The car ride was silent as we drove, the only sound being the radio.

My dad parked a little ways away from the chateau, the Twinkie taking up parking space. I hesitated once I saw the group. They were laughing but they seemed unenthusiastic. JJ was smoking, as usual, as he sat against the big tree, a small, broken smile on his lips.

“Dad?” I asked, not taking my eyes from the group.

“Yes?”

“What if they hate me?”

“Why would they hate you, sweetheart?”

“I tried to leave them. I tried to leave him. How could he ever forgive me?” I questioned, a single tear falling from my eye.

“JJ loves you. I don’t think a single bone in his body could hate you. He’s your boyfriend, and your best friend, and he’s JJ.”

I nodded. “Yeah, he’s JJ.” I said as Pope looked in the car's direction. A moment passed before he shot up and pointed.

“Go.” My dad said and I looked over to him.

“Okay. I love you.”

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, “I love you too.”

I looked back at the group. They were all standing now, looking over as I opened the door and stepped out. After a second, a second of recognition, a second of disbelief, a second of relief, JJ broke out in a sprint. His body collided with mine and I didn’t waste a second. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder as his body shook in my grasp. The rest piled in. We were just a group of friends, hugging desperately as tears streamed down our faces. I didn’t even hear as my dad drove away.

After a few minutes, we broke apart, the only one who didn’t let go of me was JJ. And I was perfectly content with it as I ran my fingers through his hair, pressing soft kisses to the top of his head.

“JJ, don’t suffocate her.” John B said with a teary laugh. Slowly JJ pulled away and I placed my hand on his cheeks, wiping away his tears with a smile.

“You’re okay?” JJ said, but it sounded more like a question than a statement.

I shook my head, “No. But I’m alive.” I said and he nodded, another tear dripping down his cheek.

I pulled away from JJ and Kiara gave me a quick, tight hug.

“Sorry, I just had to give you another hug. I’ve missed you so fucking much.” She said and wiped her face.

My smile fell as I looked over the group and their tear stained faces, “I am so sorry, guys.”

“Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything we’re sorry for not providing you the support you needed.” Pope said and a sob fell from my lips.

“I’m sorry, it just hurt too much. I’m sorry for trying to leave you guys behind.” I said with a shaky voice and JJ wiped my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“Shh, sh, it’s okay. We’re okay. You’re okay.” He whispered and I took a deep breath and nodded.

“Yeah.” I whispered. “We’re okay. I’m okay. I’m gonna be okay.”

I laid in the hammock with JJ as we looked up at the stars. I could feel the warmth of the slowly dying fire on my legs.

“I thought I lost you.” JJ muttered and I closed my eyes.

“I know.”

“I was so worried. Your mom she- she kept me updated, but I wanted to hear from you about how you were.”

“I know.” I opened my eyes.

“I thought you were dead, Y/n. I thought the only reason I had to keep living was dead.”

“I know. I-” I sighed. “I’m gonna try to get better. I’m gonna try.”

I looked at JJ who was already looking at me. “And I’m gonna be there for you every step of the way.” He said softly and placed his lips on mine for the first time in months.

I used to think there were two types of love. The kind you’d die for. And the kind you’d kill for. But JJ, he was the kind of the love I would live for. I will live for JJ.

#jj maybank x reader #jj mayback imagine #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x y/n #obx imagine #obx x reader #romance #obx netflix #obx fic #obx3 #obx

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