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blurboki · 9 months

Text

✩ ≫ GIVING STRAYKIDS HEAD WHILE HE’S LIVE

including. ot8 | pairing. skz x fem! reader | genre. smut - MINORS DNI | warnings. blowjob/handjob (m. rec), mentions of begging, mentions of a breeding kink, voyeurism, nicknames, mentions of using toys, humiliation, cum-eating, facial (f. rec), hair pulling, dubcon, felix cums inside, degradation, overstimulation, gagging, deep-throating, d/s dynamics

authors note. ty for requesting! i hope you don’t mind how wild i got with this.. seungmin’s made me feral (please tell me if i missed anything in the warnings!!)

CHAN :

would be so smiley n cute :((

until you kneel down and the realization hits

you can see his expressive eyes go “oh? oh.” in five second flat

the way you’re looking up at him? he’s twitching in his pants, trying his hardest to pay attention to chan’s room

definitely says something like: “alright! let’s get onto the next song, yeah?” while furiously turning up the volume to drown out his soft huffs of breath, plump lips parted to exhale deeply

the way he utterly shudders when you lick from his shaft all the way up to his leaking head has the dreamiest sigh falling from your mouth

the way you’re testing his patience makes him want to fuck you silly 🙈🙈

plays it off as if he was adjusting in his chair, meek smile giving away none of your naughtiness

once you start taking him into your mouth though, he reaches a hand to your hair, forcing you to down him

squeezes his eyes shut from the feeling of your throat swallowing him alongside the toe-curling whine you whimpered in response

most likely pretended to yawn to conceal his fucked-out face and the obscene sound of you gagging on him, babydoll eyes welling with tears

omg the way he looks down at you after that ?admiring your smudged mascara and the drool coating your lips and chin ?? pls eat me sir

“unfortunately, that’ll be the last song for this live, thank you Stay for joining me today..” he says, nonchalantly thumbing at your bottom lip to wipe the residue sitting there

legs spread and cock flushed against his abdomen, you come to realize rather quickly that you got yourself into something dangerous…

MINHO :

he’d prob be doing a live in the meeting room when you arrive, gazing at you pushing chairs out of the way to make him think you’re planning to sit down

till you settle between his legs and the realization dawns

has the most attractive, challenging stare ever watching you go to town

tbh minho is fucking terrifying with his self control in and outside of the bedroom

like he’d be able to answer questions and act completely normal despite his dick being halfway down your throat

pretends to laugh at a comment when instead he reached a hand under and toyed with your clit, gathering your wetness on two fingers to smear on the side of your lips

what he was laughing at? how pathetic you sounded mewling and dripping with need as if you weren’t the one who decided to give him head rn

would def end the live a tad bit early, finally succumbing to the handjob you provided where he came all over your face with the sluttiest moan

10/10 would bend you over and fuck you on the table after

10/10 would keep your legs out of business for a good five to six days (i stand by my claim)

CHANGBIN :

binnie is so fucking transparent idek if he could hide it

but like, he makes weird noises anyways so tbh stay probably wouldn’t bat an eye

sooo needy

gently grabs your chin while you kitty lick his mushroom tip and gives you most pleading stare

if he could’ve telepathically communicated, he would definitely been begging

funny considering how he basically bred you into the mattress the night before , right?

you resort to kissing his swollen cock, ensuring he’s watching when you collect his beading precum on a finger, bringing it up to your lips

to say he held back a moan doesn’t even cut it, poor baby might’ve bit his tongue off atp from your adorable eye contact and the mere image alone

gets frantic enough he blasts gods menu full volume and “suddenly” gets a text from Hyunjin saying he “needs to go”

a.k.a needs to blow

dude absolutely explodes

his moans are the cutest by far >>>

cums all over your face muttering soft “please please please” over and over while his fat cock basically ropes messy strings

he swore he’s never came harder in his life

andddd that’s how you got introduced to edging changbin!!!

jk, it just fueled your obsession with it further ;)

HYUNJIN :

prob the cutest of them all when you give him head under the table

he just feels so good and loved from your attention and the pleasure

has the dreamiest of smiles the entire time despite the music being obnoxiously loud to hide the sound

stays love this live bc of how cute he looked the entire time

lots conspired that he was drunk or smthn bc of how smiley he was, cheeks dusted pink

pretended to drop something so he could groan under the table, thigh twitching and abs tightening as he approached his orgasm

definitely grabs your head before he came, brows slightly knit and lips parted as he met your eyes

so fucking sweet after he cums, petting your head and running a light hand on your cheek where his cum smears

pops his thumb in your mouth, softly wiping your bottom lip of his essence

he’s literally delighted i cannot make this up

totally nonchalant apart from groaning under the table which he hid from view

expect either the softest or hardest sex afterwards

like you’re going to either be carried because your legs are out of commission or because he’s feeling romantic :((

HAN :

.. stay are prob getting an equally good treat too

and no they don’t know what was going on, they just know how from a certain timestamp in his most recent live his voice got a whole lot more attractive

expect a sudden raspy pitch, clicking his tongue casually as if his partner wasn’t spoiling him

on any other day he’d be stupidly whiny, crying from the pleasure you provided

today, however, he just let himself dissolve in the ecstasy, breathing in the fresh air on cloud 9

there were some speculations from stay watching, but it only got as far as that

scary enough, he doesn’t make a sound, casually carrying out conversation and answering questions like nothing

that is until you get impatient, pressing hot kisses all over and speeding up the movement of your hand as you fist him, pretty eyes fixating on his face

aha. you see him slightly wince, bidding farewell quickly with a few over-exaggerated poses and blown kisses

stifles a groan as he approached his high, tracing the corner of your lips as he grumbles an excessively attractive:

“now stick your tongue out, ‘don’t what you missing a drop.”

then proceeds to cum all over your lips n mouth, thumbing away some of his residue there

“you’re so messy, bunny, ‘have to teach you some manners, hm?”

FELIX :

he gets so cocky

and it’s one of the hottest things on the planet

watches you through half-lidded eyes as you unbutton his jeans, taking him into your mouth

i feel like no matter how hard you try to rile him up, it just makes him cockier and gives him a visible ego boost

like, not a ‘thinking with my dick only’ type of ego boost, more of a ‘why tf aren’t you reacting rn, please fuck me already at this point’ sort of ego boost

this man most likely turn off the music just to play it risky, forcing you down on his dick when you get too loud

reads comments as you literally deep throat him, eyes tearing up with how he keeps bumping the back of your throat

it’s insane

lifts a brow daringly as he reads a particular comment and you swear you would’ve moaned so fucking loud if it weren’t for him cruelly shoving fingers into your mouth as you fisted him with a hand

breathily sighs as you work faster, blinking a bit slower and hesitating with his answers—a telltale sign he’s close

definitely ends the live earlier, quickly taking off your bottoms to pull you onto his lap and paint your cunt white

voices the most guttural groan, adams apple bobbing as he fills you so full of him

he’s convinced there is absolutely nothing he loves more than stuffing your pussy, nothing

SEUNGMIN :

i will sit in the grave believing seungmin is one of the most god-teir men alive when it comes to head

another rbf (resting bitch face) king btw!!

meanest but also nicest ?? i can’t explain take this how you want

prob sings a song while you suck him off i cannot😭😭

you’d most likely be more affected than he is (or you just can’t tell), bc you’ll be a moaning mess from how nonchalantly he’s already shoved two fingers inside your cunt, guiding your head into a steady rhythm with a spare hand

smiles every time you mewl on his cock, hungrily watching your hips stutter while his fingers curl and rub your pussy sooo good

lmao i bet he hits a high note when you cream(and when he cums too), drowning out the desperate cries you sob from his lap

ends the live without even a trace of what happened, pulling your hair roughly so you meet his eyes, tears freely rolling down your cheeks

“you wanted this so don’t act like you didn’t. open.” he instructs, and you obediently open your mouth for him, showing him your tongue and lips painted with his cum

“swallow.”

his face when you swallow oml he loves seeing his baby behave

mumbles quiet “good girl”’s when you take his fingers coated in your juices into your mouth

honestly.. i could see him buzzing your puffy clit w a bullet vibrator afterwards while you sit on his dick, cooing as you fall apart on top of him, telling you it’s a “reward” while you’re overstimulated and sensitive beyond belief

JEONGIN :

kind of like hyunjin with his unpredictability, he’s either stone cold or an innocent baby

today, however, he was definitely needy, looking adorably confused when you sauntered through the doorway

gasps when you slip under the desk, eyes turning into round saucers as you carefully rid him of his pants then boxers

has to pause on multiple occasions to pull himself together, occasionally turning his head away from the camera to express the overwhelming feeling of your tongue

leaks a quiet, oh so quiet whine in the midst of laughing at a comment

poor bub gets an army of comments asking if he’s feeling sick from how flushed he is

cutie can’t admit how amazing you make him feel 🤭

ends the live abruptly, literally only thinking about cumming in your mouth

desperate AF when he starts mumbling, pulling you off of him to stick out your tongue as he frantically fists his dick, beads of pre-cum decorating the swollen tip

“oh god oh god oh god— cumming, ‘gonna cum, in your mouth? baby please please wanna cum in your mouth— yeah just like that, good girl- fuck-“ is just an example of his barely intelligible moaning

trust that he came hard, strings of apologies falling off his pink lips at the mess he made of your face

oml if you keep sucking him off afterwards?? overstimulated innie is the cutest thing ever

expect lots of begging and neediness 😍

blurboki, july 2023 ©

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ultralightpoe · 3 months

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Power- Bucky Barnes

Authors Note: The last and final part to the avoidance series, I dragged this series out of my drafts and tbh have always hated how it ended which is why I never posted it.

Word Count: 3496

Warnings: Shitty writing, like I hated how I wrote this part.

Main Masterlist Here

Part One - - Part Two - - Part Three

(Thank you for the gif @unearthlydust )

Enjoy!

You weren’t you.

It was something Bucky had to remind himself everytime he saw you, the voice that eased himself down everytime you dashed to hide by Steve.

You looked like you, your hair a bit longer and your eyes green from the amount of power the main difference, but the physique was all yours, the very same once he had memorized after countless sleepovers with you.

But there was something unexpected about you now, that graceful stillness he had never seen you have.

Since the moment he met you it had been a whirlwind of clumsiness. Tripping, falling, dropping things and hitting your head on just about everything. At some point in the friendship he had learned how to move with you, reaching a hand over you to block you from hitting a cabinet as you stood straight or just catching you with his metal arm around your hip when you slipped on an ice sheet.

But now, you moved with an unnatural grace, keeping a hand on Steve at all times as he lead you around the kitchen to make breakfast and Bucky could do nothing but watch from his spot on the counter top, Sam seated next to him. No one said a word, and the room held a tense atmosphere as Bucky noted every single movement you made.

The graceful ease of you backing up so Steve could grab the flour, and the sheer warmth in your smile as Steve smiles down at you, his eyes gleaming. Bucky was going to kill him, what a piece of-

“I love pancakes.” You laugh, pulling Bucky out of his thoughts as he realized Sam had asked you a question.

Steve watches you carefully as he starts pouring the pancake batter, watching how you interact with Sam in this moment.

“I don’t doubt you do. You know, Buck right here showed me this really cool diner that his friend showed him. They have pancake night every Tuesday.” Sam smiles, and Bucky notes the way Steve tenses up but he can’t tear his eyes from you.

“Buck….” It’s like you’re testing the name on your tongue, something dimming in your eyes as your head tilts, like you were trying to picture something. Like the memories were struggling to surface.

Panic lunges at him as he realizes he might be able to make you remember, that chord tied to his ribs and chest tugging a bit. “Actually you showed me! We go there every week for pancake night and rate the flavor of the week, Doll.”

“Doll.” You repeat, nothing more than a breathy whisper that has Steve tensing.

Nothing happens at first, and Bucky waits with a baited breath, until the plant on the fridge lunges out and all hell breaks loose.

The pot the plant was held in shatters once all the roots burst from it and Bucky moves to block you but Steve is already there, wrapping his body around you as the vines cover every surface of the room. They bend and snap at anything in their way, and though Bucky reaches for you once more Sam pulls him back with a newfound strength, making sure he didn’t get in the vines path.

Steve murmurs something, and Bucky has to tilt his head to hear the next few words, chest tightening. “I just need you to breathe, okay doll?”

Doll. That fucking called you doll. He watches as you mouth the word, your eyebrows pinching for a moment before your face goes into one of ease and you close your eyes, breathing in and the vines stop their path of destruction.

“I’m tired.” You mumble, a small dot of red coming from your nose that’s got Bucky all but snarling when Steve reaches to wipe the blood away and kiss your forehead.

“Let’s get you to your room then? Okay?” He whispers, leading you away softly as Bucky struggles against Sams hold.

When has Sam ever been able to hold him?

As if realizing the change too Sam let’s go quickly, eyes traveling his arms while Bucky blinks too.

“What the fuck?!” Tony snaps, looking at the mess of the kitchen. “Alright. Team meeting now. Everyone but her!”

The room was filled with that same quiet tension, everyone sat around the table as Tony prepped for the meeting, the second everyone was ready the table lit up with footage.

“Starting from the top, we found plant princess a week ago and I’m sure you’ve all already noticed that something is off.” Tony starts, making Bruce snort. “Over the past week we have had her come in for some testing to see what might be going on,”

The footage on the screen shows you sitting in a chair with Wanda talking to you, hooked up to tons of different devices.

“You ran testing on her?” Bucky snaps, whirling to Steve. “You let them test on her?”

“I was in the room the whole time.” Steve sighs back, eyes not leaving the footage.

“What we can figure out is that she’s gone on a full mental block, the amount of energy that her powers are taking up has wrapped her in a blanket of sorts.” Bruce explains. “The last time we found her it was the same, it’s like the power beneath her skin is a moving breathing creature that needs to protect them.”

“She’s never said that before….” Nat mumbles, eyes showing nothing but shock.

“Well she’s almost always been able to control it. Her and the power working together at her will. But when we originally found her things weren’t the same.”

Bucky had talked to you a bit about life back then, but neither of you got into gruesome details. There was always a line that you both had drawn to keep from heading back to the dark place.

“She never told you about anything regarding this?” Nat asks him.

“We talked about most things, but there were things we didn’t talk about. There were boundaries for both of us.” Bucky shrugged, not liking the way Nat was looking at him. “We had boundaries, believe it or not.”

She merely blinked at him before whipping her head away.

“I hadn’t known that Stevie was the one to find her.” Bucky snips, enjoying the way Steves jaw tenses as his fists clench.

“We found that Cornell, one of the scientists left from the war- or well his son- had taken up his fathers assignment and had been experimenting on people. When we breached the compound we found….. her. Wrapped up in vines just to keep warm, looking wild and hiding from us. She was terrified,” steve explains. “I was the first person to talk to her. She kind of clung to me after that.”

“Clung?” Nat asks.

Steve shrugs. “We became best friends. Until….”

He doesn’t have to say it, no one in the room has to say it. Until Bucky.

Bucky never realized that he had stolen you from Steve. Had never cared..,… and he doesn’t care now. “So what can I do to help her.”

“Right now? Don’t push the process. That might have been what triggered her outbreak today, she dug for the memories and the power leeched.” Tony sighs.

“So…”

“So, Tin Man, you need to keep your distance for a bit.” Tony snaps.

“What?! No!”

“Oh come on Buck. I figure this would be the easiest task for you.” Steve snipes and Bucky all but lunges across the table.

Bullshit. He would not. Everyone nods, agreeing that Bucky will stay away. He. Does. Not.

Is it a shock that the very next day Bucky goes out of his way to find you? No.

He finds you sitting in a window seat, letting the sunlight hit your skin as you keep your eyes closed from the warmth. There is no one near you, surprising since Nat and Steve had been hovering around you since they brought you back, and he takes his chance while he can.

Even if you don’t remember him he just wants to hear your voice.

“Hey.” He whispers, moving closer but not enough to crowd you as you open your eyes. “Mind if I…..”

He points with his flesh hand to the spot across from you and you pull your legs in to give him room so that he may sit, a smile gracing his features as the sun warms him up instantly.

“You like this spot?”

“It’s the only quiet place here.” You mumble, shrugging.

“Quiet?”

“I can hear pain.”

“I’m sorry?” He blurts, head tilting as he stares at you, heart thundering.

“It’s…. Right here.” You bring your finger up and press it lightly in the center of his forehead. “Beating against everything, whispering where everyone is hurt.”

“It tells you where everyone is hurt?” He whispers, his voice not strong enough to speak any louder.

You don’t answer him at first, but you slide your finger down the side of this face to his neck and once you get to his chest you add more fingers until your full hand is pressing against his chest, right over his heart.

“You hurt here.” You murmur, your eyes glowing a bright green. “But I can’t fix it….”

“It’s not your job to fix it.” He smiles lightly. “But I can promise ya that you being here helps.”

“You talk like I know you.”

“Don’t you?” And there it is again, that unnatural grace as you quirk your head to the side and your eyebrows pinch together.

You get that foggy look, like you can almost see him, before you’re snapping your hand back. “You were mad.”

“No.” He croaks, pain flooding his chest. He didn’t want you to remember him that way, didn’t want you to think he was mad those last couple days. “I was never-“

“Hey.” Nat snaps, and you sit ramrod straight, backing away from Bucky. “Bucky you’re wanted in the training rooms.”

“Not right now Nat.”

“Bucky-“

“Not. Right. Now.” He snaps, but it’s too late, Steve is coming around the corner with wide eyes until they land on you.

“I was looking for you, you said you wanted to tour the med center.” And just like that you are gone, following Steve down to the med area that you had made for the general public.

It isn’t long until the blue eyed brunette finds you again, the pull on your rib cage drawing your attention to the door where he slowly enters.

You had spent 4 hours in the med bay, Steve having to leave you a little while ago to help with an issue, and you had taken to helping out people who came in. There was something natural about this, like you had done it every day. But you had no recollection of it.

Just like the man with the metal arm, you felt like you knew him, every inch and emotion of him. But he was still nowhere in your memory.

When he spots you his eyes widen a bit before he is making his way over, something clutched in his hand as the girl in front of you prays under her breath before hopping down and rushing to tell her mother what you did.

“Are you okay?” The stranger asks, flesh hand reaching out to touch your cheek as you try to blink away some of the light in your eyes.

The girls mother sobs loudly, and both of them are rushing back to thank you, but you had no clue why. Where had they come from?

The stranger keeps a hand on your shoulder as you blink at them, your body set aflame as they both begin praying again.

“Where am I?” Where am I? Where am I? Where am I. “Is Cornell coming?”

“Okay. I think that’s enough for today.” The stranger mumbles, his tone filled with panic and fear as his hand slides down to grab your arm, pulling it back with a hiss of pain as just the touch burns him. “Wait. No. Focus.”

Who is he talking to?

Where were you?

“Hey. Can you hear me?” A voice sounds out and you try to find it. Who was talking? What was that feeling?

It hurt, something was hurting you. Burning. You were burning from the inside out.

“Clear everyone out!” A new voice calls as something wraps around you tightly, crushing you tightly to pick you up.

There was so much light and so much pain.

You couldn’t see anything, and soon enough the ringing in your ears started.

“GET THE SHOWER STARTED!” Bucky yells, keeping you clutched to his chest as you burn through his tactical suit, eyes glowing brightly while blood pours from your nose.

“That doesn’t look good man.” Sam grunts, helping lead the way to the locker rooms as Bucky carries you in his arms, breathing out as he tries not to focus on the burning.

“Just get the shower started.” He grunts in pain, panic coating his body and his mouth going dry.

The second Sam has the water running he is reaching for the next nozzle, going around the shower section until every single shower was running with cold water, Bucky kneeling in the center with cradled in his arms.

Within seconds you’re both drenched, and the water hits your skin with a hiss before it begins steaming around you, but slowly your body begins to cool down.

He doesn’t know how long he sits with you under all the showers, laying you across his thighs so he can cradle your head closer and wipe away some of the blood that had poured from your nose.

“Buck.” Someone calls, but he can’t drag his eyes away from you, right as you’re cracking your eyes open.

“It hurts.” You whimper, and his heart all but shatters.

“I’m sorry Doll.” He whispers back, leaning to press his forehead against yours. He feels your hand reach up, shaking from exhaustion as you press it to his chest, right over his heart.

“I can feel your pai-“

“Don’t focus on that right now.” He orders gently. “Focus on something else.”

“They’re all in pain-“

“No no no. Think about pancakes, yeah? Or maybe that book that’s coming out? You remember? You all but dragged me to the book signing the last time one came out.” He tries to smile down at you, keeping you lifted enough so your foreheads stay pressed together. “Think about ice skating or ornaments on a tree.”

“It’s raining.” You blurt, body coiling closer to his. He is confused at first, then realizes that you must be confusing the heavy water falling on you as rain. “I don’t like the rain.”

“I know. I know.” He murmurs, holding you closer. “I’ve got ya Doll. Ain’t gonna let anything happen to ya,”

“Buck.” You sob, eyes closing. “I don’t feel good.”

“I know.” His chest felt so tight, and tears were beginning to fall from his eyes onto your cheeks. “I’m sorry. You want Steve?”

“Bucky.” You sob again, the hand that was covering his heart clenching into what was left of his leather jacket from his tactical gear.

“I’m here. I’m here. What do you need?” God just help her. Find a way to help her please. Anything anything anything.

“I can’t stop it.” Your eyes open again, once again glowing brightly, so much so that he has to close his own from how bright they are. But he keeps his arms wrapped around you, tight. “Buck, it’s-“

There a feeling in his own chest, expanding and expanding and expanding, he feels like his lungs are constricting and every molecule in his body is about to burst. He’s sure it’s what you’re feeling right now I’m tenfold so he merely pulls you as tight as he can.

“Let go. You gotta let go doll.” He breathes out, eyes still slammed shut as he grunts out as your skin starts heating again.

“Not with you-“ you sob. “Go!”

“No. I can take it doll. I’m not leaving.” He murmurs, pressing his forehead to your cheek, no matter how much it burns. “I swore to never leave you again.”

It’s then he realizes that you had been speaking to him, you had remembered him and it all makes sense. That blanket of protection you had formed for yourself wasn’t a cocoon from memories. It was keeping this power trapped in tight, your emotions connected to it.

“I can take it. Just let go.”

You scream, pure pain and torture sounding as your body heats even more. There’s a loud shout of both your names, the flash of red white and blue nearby and a dash of red hair lunging to the man holding the shield.

Buckys body freezes up and he keeps you held tight as you unleash that power, finally letting everything you had bottled up go.

He feels nothing but pain, heat and burning the main source. All his bones felt like they were breaking and his heart squeezed in his chest, but he kept his hold on you. Even as he succumbed to the pain and the darkness consumed him.

You wake up in your own bed, tucked tightly into a roll of blankets like a worm, body aching. When you struggle to sit up a hand reaches out to help you, sturdy on your side as you blink in the afternoon sunlight.

“Hey there.” The voice is calm, but there is a small hint of panic laced into it. And you already know that Bucky was doing his best to play cool.

“I hurt.” You mumble, closing your eyes and trying to relax your body once more since the pain was just a little too much.

It’s silent for a moment and you’re close to passing back out before there is something pressed to your lips, and immediately your drinking water as Bucky helps you gulp it down.

“Easy.” He mumbles, hissing in pain at the movement on his ribs. You stop drinking finally, gasping for air as he takes the cup away and means to put it on the nightstand, you lay flat, pain in your back splintering.

“I’m sorry.”

“We’ll talk about it all later.” He sighs, flesh hand sliding to find your own as you both succumb to the darkness once more.

He awakes with you wrapped in his arms, and he already knows he’s still tense, serum or not your power had done a number on him.

You were still sleeping, curled tight in his arms and your fists clenched in his shirt as everything began focusing in his head.

He had originally woken up in the hospital, body immediately jolting and searching for you as Steve and Sam tried holding him down.

It had taken all but 30 minutes for him to get to where they were keeping you, hanging from Steve and Sam’s arms as they dragged him through the halls.

Your temps were normal, and you were going in and out of consciousness, it was decided that once Bucky was released you would be too. Only you would be taken to your room so you could sleep off some of the powers shock to your system.

Bucky himself had carried you to your room, pain or not, and when he had tried to leave you merely kept ahold of him. He had been with you since.

There is clanking in the kitchen beyond your door and he already knows the team is probably about to bombard you both like mother hens.

“I can hear your heart.” You mumble, voice cracking as you’re just waking up, keeping your ear pressed to his chest l. “It’s really slow.”

“I’m relaxed.” He mumbles back, trying to blink back some of the grogginess. “What was that?”

“A breakdown.”

“Obviously.” He laughs, his sides aching as he does so. “Have you been holding onto all that power this entire time?”

“Yeah. It’s easier to control without stress.” You explain, struggling to sit up. “And lately I’ve been-“

“Cause of me.”

“No…..” you lie, blinking. “Well yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” He sighs, trying to sit up with you, his forehead pressed to your shoulder. “I just….”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“I….. I could feel everyone’s pain, and yours was right there.”

“So you know I was avoiding you because-“

“Yes.”

“And you know I -“

“Yes. James.” You smile. “And just for the record, I love you too.”

A smile breaks out on his own face, leaning closer to you as he inhales. “We need to find a better outlet for your power. Because that was terrifying.”

He missed your shoulder then, before leaning to kiss your lips passionately. He would find a way to keep you with him, forever.

That outlet became a garden….. more like your very own rainforest.

Any time you felt that power rush up you went there, and just released it to the earth.

(I never posted this series when I originally wrote it awhile ago because I hated the ending. Still do hate it)

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holyghostbelle · 3 months

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CALL THE SHOTS

the last part.

TW:DUBCON? DARK!OLIVER(it's literally him though so idk)slight reader x felix, but also oliver pinning over felix because no ones mentioning that??? reader and Oliver lowkey hate each other I guess. I wouldn't even consider this as an x reader tbh. minors dni or ill sleep with your dad requests are open !! Omg, i don't know if you're gonna hate me for this ending but i wanted to keep it as close to what i think would realistically happen, like no yandere shit. also this is not proof read im sorry. my master list

2022, fifteen years later.

“He's dead! Oh gosh, he's dead, please come to Saltburn quickly. I don't think I can be alone” Elspeth trembles on the phone, her hands shaking with vigour, tears running down her cheeks. Just mere moments after the ambulance had left with her husband, she had suddenly felt stifled in her seat, the last one left.

You flee from Paris, fashion week can wait, Elspeth who had become more of your mother over the past years , more deserving of attention than clothes. With only a sea between you.

“Oh darling, Duncan has set up your room for you, I'm so glad you're here!” she smiles at you, her hair significantly shorter since you last saw her, she wears a button up shirt along with a pair of loose fitting blue jeans and a embroidered shaman jacket.

“How are you holding up?” you ask, voicing concern.

She smiles, nodding as her face drops down. You pull her in for a hug, she grasps you tightly and you smell her expensive perfume.

“Cup of tea?”

"Thank you, Elspeth. A cup of tea sounds perfect," you reply.

As she has someone prepare the tea in the kitchen, you glance around Saltburn. Flowers wilting and the familiar sights bring back memories of laughter, hot sunny days, drunken ramblings to felix. It's hard to believe that just hours ago, everything seemed normal.

The silence is heavy,

"I don't know how to go on without him," Elspeth admits, her eyes welling up with fresh tears. You reach for her hand, offering a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm here for you, Elspeth. Whatever you need," you assure her, feeling the gravity of the situation sinking in.

As the days turn into weeks after the funeral you manage to convince Elspeth to rent a small flat further in town, so you can return to Paris until summer.

Elspeth reluctantly agrees, and you find a quiet little place not far from the town centre, you help her move, shopping round antique stores for furniture that seemed more homely and lived in.

And suddenly Oliver is at saltburn again. Your really not sure what happened, one minute your back in paris for the summer, back to writing articles about the hottest shoes or sex tips for the older women and then Elspeth is calling you about finding oliver in a local cafe not far from her home , and she sends you a video of him saying hi over facebook messenger, he's still tidy, neat but that nerdish boy look is gone and instead the shadow of a more important man. You wonder if he still smokes, you wonder if he still drinks, you wonder if he still thinks about that night before venetia died.

So you head back to Saltburn, wondering what fifteen years made of oliver.

“No husband then?” Oliver peers down at your ringless hand.

“We got a divorce, no wife?” you stare at him, your lips pressed together careful not to smudge your Chanel lipstick.

He shakes his head and smiles eyes taking the whole of you in, he notes the lack of smudged eyeshadow and mascara.“ you haven't aged a bit, your hairs shorter but you haven't aged”

“It's called filler Oliver” you sigh,”where Elspeth?”you ask.

“oh, she's fallen ill, it's all happened very quickly, i'm surprised you didn't hear, lung cancer”

“Oh fuck” you drop your bag on the marble floor, clutching your head. “ It's just a Catton curse really isn't it?” you smile and Oliver wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you in for a short hug.

“Come on, she wants to speak to you.”

“Darling, they say I've only got two months” Elspeth smiles, her hair forming a halo around her head in the bed, she coughs and then takes your hand into her own. “ I want you to have the Saltburn estate.”

“Elspeth , i can't” your eyes tear up at the thought of her gone, and you sitting in your loneliness of the big house, “really, i can't”

“oh darling shush’ she hushes at you, her eyes gazing over your own, oliver stands uncomfortably in the back, “it would've been yours anyway, i always thought you and Felix would marry, i know you loved him”

“Elspeth”

“I'm not daft, i saw the way he looked at you too, ever since you came home for break when you were eight years old, i just knew”

“I-god i miss him, it's been so long”

“ i know, i know”

you smooth her hand with your own, nodding “okay fine, i'll take it.”

She smiles and grips your hand with all her strength. You look at Oliver, his face stoic.

Papers are signed, and then somehow, Elspeth's breathing tube is pulled out of her, by an insolent nurse, there's no lawsuit, you leave her at peace, her rock at the bottom of the lake with the rest of the Cattons and now your not sure what to do with the house. Stuck wandering the halls passing by Oliver, you want him to leave but you don't want to be left with the staff all alone, so you let him stay.

Elspeth's room is still filled with medical supplies. Your bank account is filled with hundreds of millions, untouched.

You're called into the Main room of the house by Oliver, you look around waiting for him to appear but suddenly there's a sharp pain in your abdomen that grows and grows until it’s an unbearable pain, you wince. Looking up to meet Oliver's eyes.

He unsheathes the knife from your body and clutches at your wound. Red seeps like spilled wine.

“Shit, i-fuck.” he hands flail pushing into your wound, you scratch at the pressure.

“Call someone Oliver, fuck that really hurts”

“Duncan! Duncan!” Oliver screams,his head cocks to the side. “ oh, he's not here.” his eyes darken and you're taken back to the night he kissed you for the first time, the way he looked at you like you didn't even exist.

“What?” you question, you feel woozy and try to anchor your hands behind you as you fall to the floor. But he hinders your movements.

“Don't you want to see felix?”he asks, eyes darkening.

You shake your head, “No, I- i want to stay here, what are you doing?”

Oliver's eyes flicker, a mixture of pain and resentment. He continues to apply pressure to your wound, desperately trying to stop the flow of crimson escaping from your body.

“No you don't, just let go”

"what," you gasp, your breaths becoming shallower ”t-he fuck are you talking about”

Oliver's expression twists. His grip on the knife tightens, his knuckles turning white.

With each passing moment, the room seems to close in, the air thickening with tension. Your vision blurs, and you struggle to focus on Oliver's face.

“Please Oliver, you're gonna let me die?”

Oliver's gaze softens momentarily, a flicker of doubt crossing his face. He glances around the room as if searching for an escape from the harsh reality closing in.

"Maybe it's too late," he murmurs, more to himself than to you. "Maybe I can't change who I've become."

Desperation fills the room as the seconds tick away, your life slipping through the cracks. Oliver's hands tremble as he clings to the last shreds of hope.

In a final plea, you whisper, "what you've become?oh my god "your head pulls back and you feel yourself slipping.

The room falls into a heavy silence as realisation settles into you.

“Did you kill him”

He looks up at your face, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand, you taste the bitter metal from your blood. Eyes flickering down at your wound, his hand still pressing into it with the knife in his grip.

“Marry me and I'll let you live,” he asks.

“Huh?”you shake in his hold.

“Marry me and I'll let you live, gotta make the decision now though, or I'll let you bleed out here.”

“Oh my god you're insane ” your bloody hand reaches for Oliver's face, you push it with all your force blood coating over his eyelashes making it harder to see, you stumble to the oak table in front of you, grabbing the candelabra attempting to smash it over his head. He rolls away, tackling your body, and you notice the adrenaline has kicked in because you manage to kick at his crotch. He winces in pain. And hits the floor to the side of you. You stare at him.

“What the fuck do you want” you shake your head at him.

“I want to marry you.”

You shake your head, “no you don't”

“i want the house”

“Oh my god” you laugh,” call a fucking ambulance Oliver”

He looks at you , as you clutch and your wound, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and rings for an ambulance.

a/n; im sorry if this is an underwhelming ending, but like I have no clue how to end fics and I thought this was just middle fitting.

Taglist: @honeydewsmoothii @gothicwidowsworld @psychoenergy @kmmg98 @1950schick @freyasfox @domaniquessidehoe2 @possiblyafangirl @satrryeys4eva @callsignwidow

#oliver quick #oliver quick x reader #salt burn 2023 #salt burn fic #felix caton x reader #felix catton #barry keoghan #salt burn x reader

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biconickyoshi · 2 months

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Okay y’all… I was very critical of eps 3 & 4 (especially 4) of NAtLA. Then all of a sudden eps 5 & 6 kinda slapped me in the face with how much better the show suddenly got.

Spoiler-free thoughts first:

Zuko, Iroh, and Aang have cemented themselves as the best parts about this adaptation - which is really funny considering I’m currently writing a longfic AU where Zuko and Iroh discover Aang in the iceberg right after Zuko is banished at age 13 and end up becoming the first members of the Gaang (albeit reluctantly at first lol). Episode 6: “Masks” (the Blue Spirit adaptation) was so good, I’d venture to say that it actually improved and fleshed out some things from the original series.

Episode 5: “Spirited Away”, while not as good as E6, was not as bad as I heard people say it was going to be. I think that the changes they did make didn’t bother me nearly as much as the changes they made in the last episode, and it was actually entertaining.

There were several scenes that made me cry in both of these episodes (moreso in episode 6, which I’ll get into further down in the spoiler section). These are the scenes that I feel like really tapped into the heart of the original show rather than feeling like a soulless remake.

Now for my in-depth thoughts (INCLUDES SPOILERS):

EP 5: “Spirited Away”

- Staring out, I was bummed because I had just rewatched the first two eps of the original animated series lol.

- It was an interesting choice to have all three members of the Gaang get stuck in the Spirit World, but I think it worked.

- Wan Shi Tong just showing up randomly was a bit unnecessary, but I suppose it will be kinda interesting to see him again in S2 since he’s already met the Gaang

- Hei Bai plays a much smaller role in these eps, but I strangely didn’t mind that either?

- Seeing Katara’s last memory with her mom was devastating, especially the fact that she had to witness her death and hide in the igloo with Kya’s charred body :(( she definitely has severe PTSD.

- Even Sokka’s memory made me tear up a bit

- Koh being the villain and a soul-eater or whatever was a bit of an odd choice, but I guess I can see why they did it. I do prefer him just being an asshole who steals ppl’s faces lol

- Appreciated the Fog of Lost Souls reference from the LoK lore

- Aang reuniting with Gyatso made me cry. I know some people didn’t like him being in the Spirit World, but I really liked it. Also, the fact that Gyatso was the first person to tell Aang that it wasn’t his fault the Air Nomads died, and that if he had been there he would have died too? THANK YOU! My poor boy has been berated enough for “abandoning” the world.

- We got some interesting lore about the afterlife for humans from Gyatso and Aang’s convo, which we’ve never gotten in AtLA media before. Idk if it’s just for Air Nomads, but Aang mentions that Gyatso stayed behind instead of “seeking enlightenment”. I know that the end goal in Buddhism is to reincarnate until you eventually achieve nirvana, so I wonder if that’s what they were alluding to (I’m not an expert on religions so pls correct me if I’m wrong)

- Oh yeah, I forgot June is here lmao. As a queer person I loved her (bc beautiful goth woman) but I didn’t like the weird choice to make her hit on Iroh - I guess to contrast the Iroh being creepy towards her thing in the OG series. I wish they would have just had them interact normally tbh, no weird “flirting”

EP 6: “Masks”

- Here we go y’all. The best episode in the show so far and probably the best the show is gonna get this season. I’m still pretty shocked at how good this one was.

- I think the decision to include flashbacks to Zuko’s Agni Kai was a good decision here. It felt like an appropriate episode for them and the flashbacks were very well done.

- In general, Dallas is doing a phenomenal job at portraying a Zuko who is angry and aggressive, yes, but also so very sweet and compassionate at his core. I love when little inklings of his true self shine through.

- Roku was… not what I expected. He was very much more of a lighthearted and jokey person… I didn’t hate it, it was just unexpected lol. I wonder if they did that to contrast him with Kyoshi. Which, speaking of, I’m glad Roku clarified that Aang doesn’t just need to be a merciless warrior (and that he didn’t berate Aang for “abandoning” the world like she did). But I still am annoyed about the mischaracterization of Kyoshi in general.

- RIP Shyu :/

- Thought it was kind of strange how June captures Aang at Roku’s temple lol. Like how did she get on and off the island??

- Zhao continues to feel like a completely different character to me lmao. I think this version is pretty funny, but it’s so weird to see Zhao being portrayed as so goofy and incompetent when he was such an intimidating force and the main villain of Book 1 in the OG series. Just a weird direction they went with his character.

- The Yuyan archers look cool as fuck. 10/10 no notes

- Still not sure how I feel about Azula already being this insecure and jealous of Zuko. I think it makes her feel a bit more realistically like a child, but the whole point of Azula’s character is that she is really good at maintaining this cool and calm persona on the surface, which she uses to scare and manipulate people. I can see her maybe getting to a point later on to where she hardens herself into that though. We’ll see.

- Baby Zuko asking Iroh how he looks and his little smile 😭😭😭😭 I had a physical “aww” reaction to that. THAT’S MY SON (me and Iroh shouting in unison)

- War Room scene was handled very well. No complaints. I like how Ozai tried to test Zuko with battle strategies.

- Blue Spirit break out scene was extremely close to the original, and it was really good. They adapted it almost shot for shot with all the important parts.

- Here’s probably my favorite part of the episode: Zuko and Aang’s talk inside the abandoned house after they escape from Pohuai!!!!!! Gahhhh I could gush about this scene all day. I love how they expanded it to be an actual friendly conversation between Aang and Zuko. Like we get to see Zuko’s true self coming through - the sweet, kind boy we know he is. Zuko and Aang just have such great chemistry as well, wayyy more than Aang has with either Sokka or Katara. Like I adored them bonding over painting and caligraphy!!! I think this is the best acting we’ve seen from Gordon so far, and Dallas did a phenomenal job switching back to that hurt, angry version of himself (of course a trauma response). And the fact that Aang said “sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you” when he blocked Zuko’s firebending attack??? My sweet boy 😭

- The final flashback to the Agni Kai was really well done too. I’d already heard Zuko fights back, which I wasn’t sure I’d like, but I actually didn’t mind it. I really liked that they showed Zuko’s hesitation whenever he did actually have an opening, and that was what angered Ozai the most - Zuko showing compassion, “weakness”. Daniel Dae Kim is of course doing a phenomenal job (no surprises there), and I really liked that Iroh actually attempted to stop Ozai at one point. It also looked like young Azula had tears in her eyes, which I again actually liked because it humanizes her.

- I loved that Aang was still there when Zuko woke up on the boat 😭 he wanted to make sure he was okay!! I full on started crying when we got the “do you think we could have been friends too?” lines from him. Again, Gordon killed it. I love how you can tell that Aang knows Zuko has been hurt and that’s why he acts the way he does. He doesn’t blame him for any of it. 10/10

- the last flashback to Zuko in his bed recovering from the burn… god the tears just kept flowing. I really liked the choice to have Ozai almost give Zuko a chance to like… idk understand why he did what he did, and how compassion is “weak”?? And then Zuko’s response to give people a chance 😭😭😭 as if I couldn’t love him any more!!! And then of course Ozai gets pissed. But seeing baby Zuko just cry in his bed UGH I’m dehydrated at this point

- Of course I can’t finish this review without mentioning the 41st division. What an incredible way to expand upon the source material by making them Zuko’s crew!!! It shows just how much Zuko truly cares about others and it moved me so much (once again to tears).

I don’t have high hopes for the last two episodes, but honestly, if this is what the live action can be, it gives me a bit of hope (at least for future seasons). I really think that Dallas, Gordon, Paul, and Daniel were the stars of this ep and are a big part of what made it so good.

#atla #natla #netflix atla spoilers #natla spoilers #atla live action #avatar the last airbender netflix #avatar the last airbender #atla netflix #atla meta #natla meta #zuko #aang #iroh #ozai #zukaang

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leeknowsnot · 7 months

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promises are meant to be broken, hearts are meant to be kept (i.n x reader)

genre: angst

warnings: slight mention of gaining a few pounds

sorry for the inactivity! i was really busy with irl stuff. plus, i've been applying in so much coffee shops just to get a part-time job, i can't even count how many anymore tbh

anyway, here's an i.n x reader to make up for the lost time.

pt. 2

"Do you even care about me?"

Your voice was like thin air. Entering his left ear and then slipping out through the other. You and Jeong In had been arguing for the past 20 minutes. About what? About him missing a date. Honestly, why were you even surprised? If not most of the time, he would sometimes forget that you two had something planned for the day. You would always get texts from him, saying he'd be out with the boys or just doing something, oblivious to the fact that he had kept you waiting for almost an hour or more at that fancy restaurant you two have been checking out the week prior.

It was getting tiring. And to top it all off, he even said he'd make it up to you so he promised to take you out to dinner tonight. Heck, you even put on that pretty dress you bought from last month, squeezing yourself in it, realizing that you've gained quite a few pounds after dejectingly looking at the mirror but managed to not look weird anyway—only for him to arrive home three hours later; sleepy, tired, irritated.

Well if he was tired, you were exhausted. If he was irritated, you were angry. It was the worst combination. Your anger wasn't the best sight for Jeong In right now, and Jeong In just shrugging off your concern as if it wasn't as big deal wasn't exactly the best response either.

So you stood there, hands on your waist as you gave him an expression of disbelief. He was rubbing his face with his palms, a tad bit closer to raising his voice at you but chose to exasperatedly sigh instead.

You let out a scoff, "Really, Jeong In?"

"What?" you could swear there was a hint of snap from his voice.

"I can't believe that out of us both, you had the right to sigh. Who's the one who keeps on getting stood out again?" you rolled your eyes at him, your eyebrows furrowing all throughout your whole sentence. It was now his turn to look at you in disbelief.

"Y/N please. I just got home from work and I'm really tired and stressed... It's not my fault that my boss made me stay for some over time," he defended. "It's not like I could say no anyway."

It irked you. You loved Jeong In so much you would move heaven and Earth for him, but God, it felt like his mere presence irritated you so much right now. His voice, his audacity, his reasoning.

It took you a bit of time clenching your knuckles, fighting the urge to just break down into tears and cry in front of him. "You're failing to see the point here, Jeong In! It's not just about today! You keep on making promises you can't keep. And you apologize, over and over and over and over again, it's so tiring!"

"Well, you'd rather I tell my boss no just so I could show up and possibly lose my job?"

At this point, his voice was starting to raise, making you flinch a bit. "You're being overly dramatic and selfish right now, Y/N."

That was it. That was the last straw.

You just stood there, silently as you bore your eyes into him. When you said nothing back, Jeong In realized he went too far. You tried to blink the tears away and you inhaled, your breath shaking as you exhaled. The look of disappointment you gave him made his heart clench.

He was stressed, you were stressed. Words have been thrown without any much though. And now, both of you have hurt each other.

"...I'm leaving," you whisper under your breath, hoping it came out as quiet as you wanted it to so Jeong In would barely hear. But he did hear it, and it broke his heart hearing you say those two words. Both of you knew this was something that you were saying out of emotion but he didn't want to risk the chances of you actually walking out the door and never returning again.

Jeong In stood from the bed, making his way to you. He tried to reach out for your hand but you avoided his touch. "Y/N, please..."

You could sense the immediate regret and guilt at his voice and it made you hurt more. But right now, it was too much. You turned your head away from him. You didn't want to look at him in the face. Because if you did, you know you'd throw out all reason aside and just give in and forget all the pain the both of you have caused each other. You loved Jeong In that much.

But you also hoped that Jeong In loved you as much too.

So you sighed and walked out the door, leaving Jeong In standing there, wanting nothing more than to take back his words as he was now left along with his thoughts. He was wrong, he was the one being selfish. And now, he couldn't even chase you out through the door because fatigue started to take over his body.

He didn't want to be tired. Of work, of everything. Of you. Especially you.

tag form will be up soon! like and reblog if you like it~

#skz #stray kids #skz fanfic #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #yang jeongin #skz angst #stray kids angst #i.n skz #i.n stray kids #i.n #i.n x reader #i.n angst #yang jeongin x reader #yang jeongin imagines

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aihoshiino · 17 days

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chapter 146 thoughts

This chapter (and thus this chapter review) contains discussion of abuse, suicidal ideation and CSA, so if you're not in the headspace for that, skip this one and I'll see you next time.

we are so oshi no back

After last chapter left me fighting for my life to come up with literally anything to say about it, this was one of those chapters where I ended up having more and more to say about it the more I turned it over in my head. It still feels a bit disjointed and has that same issue of ripping through the events of the movie way too fucking fast that the arc as a whole has been having lately but this chapter was such a breath of fresh air I can't bring myself to care.

The chapter itself is more or less split in two, with one half dedicated to 15 Year Lie's in-universe events and the other focusing a bit on Aqua and Kana for, tbh, the first time in way too long. Admittedly, my enthusiasm for 15YL has waned given the reveal of just how much of it is completely made up but like. I'm still gonna over analyze this stuff. Sunk cost fallacy, don't fail me now!!!!

I joke, but the 15YL section of this chapter was legitimately bone chilling. That barrage of cuts following Uehara's attack on Airi…. fuuuuuuuck, man.

Airi herself is pure fucking poison this chapter too and I mean it in the best way. I continue to be incredibly impressed with how OnK understands the motivations of a person like Airi what her abuse of Hikaru is really about. When discussing this in 141, Miyako points out just how often victims of abuse can themselves go on to perpetuate their own pain out of a need to try and regain their dignity, but I think what Airi seeks in her abuse of Hikaru is control. We see how often she wields her power over him while pretending that he has as much agency as she does in their """relationship""" and it's repeated here, too; she throws the results of her own sexual abuse of him in his face as a way of permanently chaining the two of them together, all while tearing down his worth as a person as if to 'prove' he deserves to be trapped in her grasp. I've said before that Akasaka is unsettlingly good at writing toxic mothers but I think Airi has made it pretty clear that Akasaka understands and is thus excellent at writing abuse and abusers in general, and for someone like me who counts that as one of their favourite Themes (tm) in fiction, I feel quite well fed.

The abuse Airi hurls at him is also interesting from a perspective of paralleling Hikaru even further with Ai. We saw snippets of this in 140, of Hikaru characterizing himself as someone desperately trying to construct a version of himself that can be loved by others the same way Ai creates 'Ai of B-Komachi', a version of herself who can give and receive love in the way she thinks her authentic self is unable to. Airi puts this into more explicit words; Hikaru must construct this fake version of himself because there is no 'real' him and thus, he is inherently unlovable. Jesus Christ.

Knowing those words were swimming around in his head, it makes the HKAI scene that follows even more of a gutpunch than it already is. It's the most wonderful kind of miscommunication tragedy - with their respective traumas, there is basically no other way a talk like that could have gone and yet it's agonizing to see it play out. Ai's innocent cruelty in the face of Hikaru's pain and her suffocating smile… the worst part is, while I completely understand why this was so shattering for Hikaru, it's impossible to miss that this was, in a way, an expression of love from Ai; it was honesty, an admission of vulnerability. She herself even says she doesn't want to lie to him. But to Hikaru, what else could that have sounded like but a confirmation of his most godawful fear?

that said. the timeline here is very confusing. this seems to imply hkai were still dating all the way up to the murder-suicide, which seemed to be just before the dome concert but did the breakup really seem that recent during their phone call?? this whole timeline is penised beyond repair.

The art in this chapter in general is incredibly good but something in particular I want to highlight is how much and how often Aqua-as-Hikaru looks like Ai in these panels. I can't put my finger on what it is, but that similarity always makes me feel so warm and sad whenever I see it. For as much as he struggles with his relationship to her, Aqua really is his mother's son through and through.

and. man. what even is there to say about that scene in the rain and everything that follows. I was't sure if the murder/suicide was going to be featured in the movie but even the brief snippet of it that we got and that barrage of scene titles and Kamiki's silent scream… whoof. shit like this makes me really hope we get to see mengo illustrate a horror manga someday because i think she would absolutely kill it.

We cut back to reality to see Aqua reading the script and in perhaps the most interesting swerve in this chapter, we see that he has once again reverted to his double black hoshigans. And uh, am I going to sound like a terrible person if I say I'm really glad for this? LOL.

Obviously I would rather Aqua not be experiencing Suicidal Ideation (Bass Boosted) 24/7, but it's kind of a relief to see that one single conversation wasn't enough to totally shake Aqua out of that headspace. I've talked a lot about how frustrating I find it that 'Ruby finds out Aqua is Gorou' is treated as the finale to her black hoshigan arc and every ongoing thread, internal and external, attached to it was dropped like a rock with no further interrogation. It robbed Ruby of the opportunity for some really important growth and, imo, was just shitty for Kana and Memcho who were treated extremely poorly by her and got no apology for it. I was really worried this would be the case for Aqua as well and that his own dip into that rancid headspace would end on a wet fart which would really sting given just how little insight we've gotten into him this arc. But this chapter makes it clear that while some cracks have started to form in his armor, he's not in the clear just yet.

i mean, even if he was permanently back to one white star, aqua is such a little freak regardless………………………….

What this means in the long term is a little hard to pin down, both because we've had so little insight into Aqua's headspace this arc and because the exact nature of black hoshigan as a symbol has always been a little Calvinballed, but in this context and for Aqua specifically, I think we can read this as his conviction in the messy endgame of his revenge play being shaken up. I, personally, have been reading the black hoshigan as of late as an expression of the sort of futureless despair that can become suicidal ideation, at least for Aqua; since immediately after Ai's death, we have gotten incredibly strong hints that Aqua is suicidal, his guilt-fueled desire to die and his desperate want to experience a happy future at war within him. He more or less explicitly says as such in 106, expressing that this break in their relationship is necessary for Ruby to be able to live on 'after he's gone' - which strongly implies that Aqua's revenge play is intended to end with his death.

Knowing that Ruby is Sarina wasn't quite enough to shake his conviction, but their talk in 143 was. I do think Ruby just giving him some straightforward affirmation was a good starting point but I also can't help but wonder, with the context that his white stars were not indicative of a permanent change, if hearing just how deeply Ruby still relies on 'Gorou's' presence in her life struck a nerve for him. Paraphrasing her from 143, she straight up says Gorou is the one who gives her life meaning. And if that's how it is, what exactly will happen if he's gone again..?

Obviously this is all still speculation because even when I am begging on hand and knee Akasaka is refusing to give us Aqua introspection but at this point I have to make a guess at SOMETHING if i am going to say anything remotely coherent about aqua in this arc, so

ANYWAY!! AQUA AND KANA HAVING A NORMAL ASS CONVERSATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!! Ngl, it did give me a bit of a chuckle to see Kana voice the question of whether Aqua was getting too immersed in his role, given that people were accusing her of that back during the first round of the RBKN conflict.

I was also really surprised to see Aqua just outright say that yeah, he is at least flirting with suicidal ideation. Like - that's the first time he's said that out loud, to anybody??? In 143 he voices the less damning but still not great sentiment that he feels guilty for being alive but this is to my knowledge the first time Aqua has expressed his suicidal ideation out loud, let alone to anyone else. And… fuck, man! That's an absolutely terrifying thing to hear a friend say. No wonder Kana reacts like she does.

Because of my powers of Claire-voyance (read: basic pattern recognition and being in fandoms for 15+ years), I'm pretty sure people are going to be Very Mean to Kana about the way she chooses to respond to Aqua here but honestly? Not only did this tough love response feel very IC for her, but the clumsiness of it felt very honest to me. I think a lot of people in fandom lately just want characters to talk like fucking therapists all the time and have the Correct And Unproblematic Response to… well, situations like this. But Kana is an 18 year old girl who has her own share of issues and her friend she knows is dealing with his own huge amount of baggage just casually dropped an "i wanna kms" on her. All things considered, I think she handles it surprisingly well.

Because like… look at what Kana really says to Aqua here. She gives him some of their usual banter to diffuse the tension but then makes herself very clear: she does not want Aqua to hurt himself and makes him promise that he won't. It's clumsy and rough in the way Kana often is, but I think the important part - her sincere care for Aqua as her friend - really does shine through.

also cute that other people caught: Kana squishing Aqua's face seems to be an intentional callback to one of their on-stage interactions in Tokyo Blade, right down to Aqua making a identical scrunchyface to Kana. Extremely cute. I love it when Aqua is cute <3

Kana also being a person able to shake Aqua out of his black hoshigans also leans into something I've been hoping is going to pay off for a while now; the idea that Aqua's salvation is not going to come from any one, singular character but from the many different people who Aqua has built relationships with coming together when he needs them to support him. One of the things OnK has continually highlighted is the way isolation and lacking support systems warp and damage people's mental health and I think it would play excellently into that theme to have Aqua's support net, so to speak, to be wide enough to catch him no matter where he falls.

the product placement was very stupid but i did laugh pretty hard at it and then immediately go buy myself some potato chips so i guess it worked. genius mangaka aka akasaka.

All jokes aside, the note their talk ended off on was so lovely too. Aqua being honest enough to admit that being with Kana is fun and Kana getting all dokidoki and then quietly admitting she feels the same when she's alone… cute! But more than that, it highlights something about the AQKN dynamic I think is really important, regardless of whether their relationship is romantic, platonic, in laws, mlm/wlw hostility or whatever else; Kana is his friend and he can just be a normal boy and have normal fun with her without any ulterior motives. It's something Aqua doesn't really have in any of his other relationships so getting a reminder of that and what it means to Aqua was really good.

honestly i think i am just so starved of nice things happening to my son that seeing him opening up to one of his friends and admitting he has fun (HIS LAUGH!!!!!!) was like a shot of heavenly ambrosia for me. please can hoshino aqua have just one nice day.

OR UH… BASED ON THAT LAST PAGE…. PROBABLY NOT ANYTIME SOON….!!!

this is what i mean about this chapter giving me 5000000 things to talk about. kamiki is TALKING TO RUBY IN THE FLESH FOR THE FIRST TIME and i almost completely forgor.

why is he dressed like a dad about to take her out on a fishing trip, though

Ruby looks unusually solemn while she's praying, which is interesting. She's been pretty bright and high energy since 141ish so I'm curious what has her looking so comparatively dour. She's praying at a shrine, too, which means there's probably something on her mind. Nik (@akane-kurokawa) theorized that she's anxious about the upcoming scenes in the movie (LIKE, YOU KNOW, HER MOM'S DEATH) and until we get further insight on that, that's what I'm gonna assume too.

putting aside how Shrimptresting it is that Kamiki turned up out of nowhere like that, I can't help but note a certain horrible parallel between Uehara meeting young Hikaru in the rain with a black umbrella and Kamiki doing the same for his daughter…

cannot wait for that entire talk to get offscreened. lol.

break next week……………………………

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #chapter reviews #csa mention

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nvrsaidiwasinurcloset · 3 months

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reader comforting sad ethan?? like could be something his dad was suggesting/saying and ethans really frustrated. had prob been avoiding girlfriend! reader for a bit bc of the whole plan thing. hes prob reconsidering it all bc its been the happiest hes been in his LIFE and he feels like a shitty bf for the shit abt to happen. but he obviously cant talk abt it so he tries to shut her out, which doesnt work clearly. its up to you if you wanna include smut (tbh dont see dom! ethan existing here) but definitely just angst to fluff! this boy needs a hug ):

Okay, hi! I was about to go to bed when I got this request, and just HAD to write it. No smut, I thought it was better without it. I hope you like it:)

Everything We Need - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend is feeling guilty about being Ghostface, and wants to do whatever he can to protect you.

A/N: I LOVE THIS. There's just something about sad Ethan that makes me love him even more🥹

When Ethan met up with Quinn and his dad, he felt sick to his stomach. The plan that had been in the works for a year was coming to fruition, as two wannabe Ghostface’s had met their demise. He really wanted to back out. For the first time in his life, he had someone in his life that made him want to get up every day, and that’s been weighing heavy on his mind.

“Ethan, are you listening?” Wayne asked, Quinn rolling her eyes.

“He’s probably thinking about his girlfriend,” she scoffed, as Wayne’s face got even more serious.

“You need to keep your head in this. Don’t you let some little bitch keep you from doing what we’re all here to do,” he said, scanning his sons face. “Richie would never let me down.”

His dad always used that against Ethan. Richie and his dad were so close, while Ethan didn’t get the whole father-son bonding experience he craved. That’s why he agreed to go along with this plan in the first place. He wanted his fathers love so badly that he was willing to kill for it.

“I know, dad. I won’t let you down,” he said, as Wayne started to discuss the plan further.

“Wait, does Ethan’s little girlfriend have to die, too?” Quinn asked, as a lump formed in Ethan’s throat.

“Shut the fuck up, Quinn!” Ethan yelled, as his dad stood there, thinking about the best way to respond.

“She might. I don’t know yet. You might want to distance yourself from her. If she finds out, she will have to die,” Wayne said, as Ethan’s eyes started to water. A single tear slipped down his cheek, quickly wiping it away with his hand.

“Ethan, I don’t think I can count on you for this. Your head is obviously somewhere else, as usual,” he said, shaking his head. “Why can’t you be strong like Richie was?”

The rest of their meeting consisted of Ethan getting berated by Quinn and his father. He knew he needed to keep you safe, so he decided that maybe he should put a little distance between the two of you. He felt like shit that your friends were on the literal chopping block, and he knew how badly this would hurt you if you ever found out he was a part of it.

He ignored every text you’d sent him for the last few days. He declined every FaceTime. You were really starting to worry about him. Aside from the worrying, your heart hurt, because you’d just taken his virginity before he stopped talking to you. You couldn’t help but wonder if that had anything to do with why he pretty much ghosted you.

As you were on your way to Sam and Tara’s, you sent Ethan another text asking if he was going to be there. You hoped for a reply, but you never got one.

You sat around the living room with Anika, Mindy, Tara, and Quinn when Chad walked in. You waited for Ethan to walk in, but he never did.

“Hey, what’s up, guys?” Chad said, taking a seat next to Tara.

“Where’s Ethan?” Tara asked, knowing you wanted the answer.

“Oh, he was going to come, but he decided last minute to stay at the dorm,” Chad said, before looking over to you, “He didn’t tell you he wasn’t coming?”

“No,” you whispered, as Quinn rolled her eyes. She couldn’t stand you and hoped that Ethan wouldn’t have taken their dad’s advice. She wanted nothing more than to make you one of her victims.

“That’s really weird,” Mindy said, a confused look on her face. “Maybe you should go check on him.”

“He ignores me every time I try to contact him,” you said, “I don’t think he wants to see me.”

“That’s definitely weird because he won’t shut up about how much he misses you.”

You were so confused, but you tried to ignore the urge to go see him. Maybe he was just going through something and needed space, but you still thought it was strange that he didn’t tell you what was going on with him.

As everyone got ready to leave, you pulled Chad to the side.

“Is Ethan okay?” you asked, as Chad shook his head.

“He’s always talking about you, but he isn’t sleeping. He’s barely eating. I don’t know what’s going on with him,” he responded, a little bummed that his friend wasn’t doing well.

“I think I’m going to go see him,” you sighed, pulling your jacket on.

“I’ll be there soon, I want to hang out with Tara for a little bit,” he said.

You nodded as you grabbed your phone and started the walk to his dorm. When you got there, you knocked on the door, hoping that he was home.

Your mouth dropped when you saw his face as he opened the door. His eyes were sunken in, he was very pale. He looked like a shell of his former self.

“Baby, what’s going on?” you asked as he gestured you in.

He sat down on his bed beside you but didn’t want to speak. He didn’t want to put you in danger.

“Please talk to me,” you said, tears welling up in your eyes.

Hot, fat tears started to flow down his cheeks. You pulled him close to you as he sobbed into your chest.

“I don’t know why you want to be with me. I’m worthless,” he cried, your heart shattering at his words.

“Baby, why do you think that? You aren’t worthless,” you said, a few tears slipping past your bottom lashes.

“I’m nothing. I’m weak. I don’t deserve you,” he was choking out his words between sobs as your fingers ran through his hair.

“Ethan, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I don’t want you to talk about yourself like that. You’re perfect the way you are,” you whispered to him as you kissed his forehead.

“No, I’m not. My dad always compares me to my brother. He’s always been the golden child while I’ve been the black sheep of the family,” he said, your nails gently dragging across his scalp as you tried to soothe him. He’s never mentioned his family, and it really pissed you off that anyone could make this sweet boy feel this way.

“You’re always golden to me, baby. You mean so much to me, and it breaks my heart that you feel this way.”

In that moment, everything clicked in Ethan’s head. He knew he didn’t need his dad because he has you. Someone that loves him unconditionally.

“What if we just leave?” he asked, sitting up to look at you.

“Why do you want to leave?” you asked, taking his hand in yours.

“It isn’t safe here. I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he said, his eyes pleading with yours.

You started to think about it. All classes have been cancelled for the last week. Most of the students have already returned home because of what happened to the guys from the Film Studies class.

“Where do you want to go?” you asked, smiling at him.

“I don’t care. I want to get as far away as possible,” he said, standing up. “I’ll grab what I’ll need, and we’ll go to your dorm next.”

You helped him grab the necessities, noticing things you knew he’d need that he didn’t seem to care about in his current state. He grabbed stacks of clothes, piling them in his suitcase.

“Can you sit on this for me so I can zip it?” he asked, as you giggled. You did what he asked as he sighed in relief, ready to get your stuff so you could get the fuck out of the state.

You walked out of the dorm and went around the back of it.

“Wait here,” Ethan said, running over to the dumpster. He pulled the robe, mask, and knife out of his backpack, throwing it away.

He was smiling when he came back over to you, looking like the normal Ethan you fell in love with. He picked you up and spun you around, before kissing you.

“I love you,” he said, as he sat you back down and his forehead rested against yours.

“I love you, too.”

Once you arrived at your dorm, you grabbed everything you needed in a matter of minutes. Ethan was deep in thought as he sat on your bed.

“You having second thoughts about this?” you joked, as he shook his head.

“No, there’s nothing more that I want than to get away from here with you,” he said, placing a kiss to your forehead. “Can we take your car?”

“I was kind of hoping that was the plan,” you laughed, as you double-checked the room to make sure you weren’t missing anything. “Let’s get out of here.”

Your hand was in his as you walked through the student parking lot to your car. Once you made it there, Ethan asked you to get in so he could put the luggage in the trunk. You thought about how Chad mentioned that Ethan hadn’t slept in days, so you decided that it’d be best if you drove.

He started to feel uneasy, so he felt around under the bumper of your car.

“That stupid bitch,” he muttered, pulling off the tracking device Quinn must’ve put on your car.

“Okay, we’re ready. I just need to run by the ATM before we leave,” he said, as you looked at him, confused.

“Uh, my dad has experience with finding people, and I don’t want him to see my card transactions wherever we end up going,” he explained, as you nodded.

You pulled up to the ATM as he handed you his card and told you the pin.

“How much?” you asked, entering the pin on the pad.

“Let’s get two thousand for now,” he said, as you turned to look at him.

“How much money do you have in here?” you asked, your eyes wide. It’s not everyday a college kid pulls two grand out of their bank account.

“I have a lot. When my mom died, she left a lot of money to me,” he said, as you rubbed your hand against his thigh.

“I didn’t know that babe. I’m sorry,” you said, withdrawing the money and handing it to him.

As the two of you crossed state lines, he finally stopped looking behind him. You felt a little nervous that he was so concerned, almost like he thought you were being followed. The further you drove, the more exhausted you started to get.

“We might need to stop soon,” you said, Ethan’s tired eyes looking you over.

“Okay, let’s take the next exit. We can get a hotel room for the night,” he said, as you nodded, a yawn slipping out.

Once you got to the room, he crawled onto the bed. You helped him take his shoes off before you snuggled up beside him.

“Thank you,” he said, as he laid his head on your chest.

“For what?” you asked, starting to relax in the bed.

“For loving me as much as you do.”

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #scream

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david-goldrock · 1 month

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So, last night, me and my mom were talking about the I/P conflict and we started getting on the topic of antisemitism and she had some very interesting thoughts!

But I had said “Why do people say things like Jews are behind everything in the media? Why them specifically? Where did that come from?”

And she said her theory was “Well, since they experienced so much hatred and violence and persecution their entire lives, they became more secretive and reserved. Due to that, people started finding them weird and almost creepy, like they were conspiring, leading to them believing they are doing crazy shit, like being behind the media.”

And it really got me thinking. Why has it always been Jews? Why have Jews always, since the dawn of humanity, been the ones who have experienced so much hate and persecution?

Why then specifically. Like, why anyone, really. But the Jews just feel like such a specific group to target and hate. I know there’s a biblical explanation behind it, but I mean within history. Why has everyone hated them?

Why?

I can’t understand this.

The more I think about how horrible it is, the sadder I get. Hell, I’m kind of tearing up as of writing this because the thought is just horrible.

Like, you and Morgana and Shine and every other lovely Jew I have met on this site are so kind and wonderful people. I can’t understand why people, amazing and wonderful people like you guys, could be hated and abused for centuries for simply existing.

It’s horrible…

DISCLAIMER: I do not know enough about the subject, only a couple of articles, and a few classes in high school. this is not a replacement for studying, this is only what I know

tbh the answer is, sadly, Christianity, Islam, Nazism and the protocols.

let's start with Islam as it is simpler there: the Quran tells Muslims to kill all jews, to make everyone Muslim, and that judgement day will not come until the jews are dead. we were dhimmi (second class citizens) for the better part of the last millennia and a half, and jews lived in extreme conditions there.

Now the christian world. your mother is partially right, it has some to do with the separatist nature of jews: after the diaspora began (and even a bit before, when the unrest in Israel grew in the second temple period), judaism got even more separatist than it already was: no marrying outside the faith, stay in the community, you need so-and-so jews to do this and that and so forward. this led to jews living separately from the other people around them, which made them suspicious, this is probably the main reason that even after the fall of fundamental christianity, jews are still hunted in the modern world. that said, the tools and traditions of antisemitism are older, and are still in use

First, in the early days of christianity, it was common in catholic thinking that jews are collectively responsible for the death of Jesus of Nazareth, and that they should be punished for that sin.

Moreover, the Catholic Church has forbidden christians from handling money, and forbade jews from owning land (which is pretty difficult for being a farmer), while the jews had an extremely high literacy average compared to the rest of Europe (because unlike the christians who listened to sermons, jews had to learn the bible and debate it and understand it, while learning in the "Cheyder" (room, also the nickname for a rabbinic school)). this meant that jews were disproportionally attracted to jobs like banking, loaning, lawyering, entertainment, and any job that required literacy, but not land. This was good for the economic worries of the jews, but terrible for their position in society. jews were associated with the people who took your money wrongly, or helped to get you in jail, and made the animosity between jews and christians high. this is the origin of 2 famous conspiracy theories: jews control the world's economy, and jews control the world's media.

This is not mentioning the old libels, such as the blood libel (that jews use christian children's blood to bake matzah [I am certain that none of the people who say that know what a matzah is, it is a pale beige color, how could you hide blood in that?!]) or the well poisoning tale (that claimed that the reason for the Black Death was jews poisoning the water wells). these libels could have been applied to any minority, but jews were the scapegoat, starting a long tradition of similar libels (read the American leftist news, and you'd see the same stories everywhere, each time in a different costume).

Then the nazis came to power, and while drawing a lot from ancient antisemitism, they invented a lot of new stuff (IDK why Hitler chose the jews, but he did, and it was massive): jews were now irredeemable from birth, possessing inherent negative qualities that could be passed down through generations, stealing everything they claim to have invented, being inherently inferior to other germans, being communists (and capitalist) that plan to destroy the economy and get rich, betrayers who made Germany lose WW1, and many more stereotypes that keep on in the cultural memory

A bit later, in Russia, a document called "The protocols of the elders of Zion" was released (I don't know its history, I am sorry), and it is the backbone of every modern conspiracy, you know, the kind that goes "so-and-so" are a secret group of deep state actors trying to take over the world. this is the protocols. its ideas are embedded deep in the cultural understanding of all of us. if you believe in any conspiracy theory, the protocols will be a no-brainer.

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chans-room · 1 year

Text

Craving Connection — 1

Warnings: reader has nickname Sugar Plum, familial drama, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety, allusions to abandonment/abandonment issues, discussions of toxic former relationships, discussions of cheating in said former relationship, Chan calls her ex a cunt (derogatory) multiple times lol, a little bit of spice but it’s very mild bc they’re in public but there’s a somewhat staged ~fake dating~ PDA moment I’m earning that tag on this one babes. Tbh that’s pretty much all there is before we swan dive into it 👀

Length: 4k + text conversation

A/n: so I am a backstory heavy bitch and I can’t seem to start my SMAUs without a few written chapters soooo sorry about that? Also I’m sorry this has taken 8000 years, I’m already working on the next part and have a fair amount of future chapters done so hopefully I’ll be able to update this pretty frequently. Thank you @bibbykins and @j-a-nuary for making this legible. also everyone can thank @gimmethatagustd for how the last scene turned out 🖤

Masterlist | Previous | Next

October 1, 2021 — 5:20am

She bounced on her toes, eyes scanning the small crowd of people pulling suitcases behind them for the familiar freckles of her favorite cousin. She knew he — and the friend he had brought with him — had landed, but the minutes seemed to drag as she watched families and friends reuniting all around her, in the dead of the night.

But the crowd thinning made her palms sweat. The fear that her parents had found out, and gone against their self-imposed rule to never speak about her again, and that Felix had changed his mind about her.

“Felix! You can’t just drop your shit here, mate!” A voice called out, making her stop in the midst of her aimless pacing and her head snap toward the direction of the sound. She only saw a flash of black before someone slammed into her chest, knocking the wind out of her as they crashed into the floor.

“Sugar Plum, I’ve missed you so much!” Felix’s deep voice nearly reverberated in her chest from where he laid on top of her, deceptively strong arms constricting around her.

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she giggled, tightening her grip on him, “You have no idea how much I missed you, Lix.”

“I’m so happy to see you,” he sighed, loosening his grip to hover over her, a pleased smile on his face. “Come on, we have so much to catch up on.”

She rolled her eyes, letting him pull her off the ground before wrapping her in another tight hug. It sent a deep pain through her chest, the moment mirroring the last time she’d seen him — standing in that very airport 2 years before, saying goodbye to him before he left for Seoul. They had cried and promised to see each other at Christmas, Easter, and on every overlapping holiday they could find. It was a promise she regretted breaking — but it was one she had no control over. That had been the first of many days she felt truly alone; and if she’d known what would follow, she might have gone with him then. Maybe if she had, she would still have a family.

“Felix!” The same voice from earlier called out, making them both look over their shoulders to find the source.

He was gorgeous, even if he was angry. His strong brows were furrowed over narrowed, sparkling brown eyes. “Oh! Good, you’re here,” Felix smiled proudly, before gesturing toward him and clearing his throat, “This is my friend, and roommate, he owed me a favor, which is why he’s here. Besides, his birthday is in like 2 days and I’m such a good friend, so I brought him home to see his family. Aren’t I the best, Chris?”

Dread shot through her at the name; she couldn’t seem to escape memories of him. She pushed down the bitter taste in her mouth — she couldn’t be unfairly judging her cousin's friend just because he shared the unfortunate fate of having the same name as her ex.

Fortunately, her momentary battle with her brain wasn’t noticed by either boy, seeing as Felix was ignoring the way his friend’s plump lips were pulled tight into a grimace, his strong jaw clenching in anger as he dragged three suitcases behind him, his thick arms piled high with various sweaters and a bouquet of flowers. She bit her lip to suppress a laugh as he glared daggers at her cousin, his gaze softening slightly as he took her in, before hardening again as he refocused on the boy next to her.

“Felix, if you abandon me again with all of your shit, I will leave it behind,” he seethed, dropping the pile of sweaters on the ground with a muffled thump, earning an indignant scream from Felix.

“That’s Hyunjin’s cashmere!” He yelped, diving at the pile.

The glare faded into an endeared smile as he watched Felix dust off the sweater, shaking his head fondly before turning his attention to her. He held out the bouquet, the soft smile on his plush lips pushing his cheeks up to make his eyes nearly disappear into tiny crescents. “He got these for you back in Seoul. He made the flight attendant put them in water for nearly the whole thing so they wouldn’t wilt. I’m Chan by the way.”

She could feel the tears well up in her eyes again as she took the flowers from him, trying to still her shaking hands. “Thank you,” she forced out, internally cringing at the quiver in her voice as she did. She cleared her throat before tearing her eyes off her cousin, willing away her tears, “So… Chris? Chan? Do you have a preference?”

“No, not really,” he laughed with a shrug, “Felix is really the only one to call me Chris, except my family. All our other friends call me Chan.”

The admission put her mind at ease as she nodded absently, staring at the tulips in her hands, as she mumbled her name to him, followed by a shy, “Everyone calls me Sugar Plum though.” she shrugged, making him smile.

“Honestly, you can call me whatever you like,” he said, feigning indifference before leaning in and whispering in her ear, “and Sugar Plum is cute, but I think I’d rather call you mine.”

She choked on a gasp and a giggle as he backed away, throwing her a wink.

—

October 1, 2021 — 1:45 pm

“You really don’t have to spend the day with me, Chan,” she sighed, slipping the sunglasses down her nose to stare at him over the edge of the frame, “I know you want to see your family and spend time with them. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself for one day.”

Chan felt the bittersweet edge to her words, and he hated how they made his chest tingle with unease. The tone of her voice stirred an ugly anger in his gut as he considered why she would be so quick to dismiss herself. It made him want to prove her wrong — to show her that she was someone who anyone would want to spend time with; someone who he wanted to spend time with.

With a big smile, he threw his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side, not missing the way she bit her lip and tried to hide the grin growing on her face. “Nah, it’s kinda nice to get to see Sydney like this, you know? I’ve never stayed in a fancy hotel like the one you’re staying in. But also I’m glad I have the chance to get to know you better,” he smiled, watching her sink behind her hands. “Besides, Felix will be back tomorrow, and seeing my parents for two days is better than the zero I thought I would.”

“I’m just saying if you don’t wanna be with me today you don’t need to. I’m used to doing things alone,” she mumbled, making Chan frown.

“Yeah, well, I don’t wanna be alone, so you’re stuck with me today,” he grinned, scrunching his nose at her hesitant expression. “Come on, we’re almost up and you haven’t decided what you want!” He could feel her heartbeat under his hand resting in the middle of her back, and part of him hoped that it was because of him.

“Are you always this serious about ice cream?” She asked, staring up at him with raised eyebrows.

“Are you not serious about ice cream? I mean, come on, it’s one of life’s most simple pleasures!” He exclaimed, drawing attention from the people surrounding them. The laugh that tore out of her made his heart race; he’d never heard anything so perfect.

“You just have to cause a scene, don’t you,” she giggled, pressing her face into his shoulder to hide from the disapproving stare of the old woman in front of them who was shaking her head and mumbling to herself.

“Only when it makes you laugh like that,” he sighed, pleased that he’d been able to pull her out of the tense, almost sour mood she’d been in since Felix told her he would be gone for the day. He didn’t need to know everything that happened with their family to know that she’d been hurt, and something about that sat heavily in his gut. What he did know was that it was too nice of a day for her to spend it alone in the hotel.

“So tell me about school. You’re on the soccer team with Lix, right? What’s everyone else like? What do you all study?” She asked, pushing her sunglasses back onto the top of her head, “I want to know all the details before I start next week.”

The attention turning on him made heat flood his cheeks, cursing the pink tinge he knew was creeping up his neck as she stared up at him expectantly. The look in her eyes made his mouth run dry — he couldn’t feel like that about her. There was no way Felix would let him live if he tried, and as his roommate, he needed to keep the peace.

But the feeling of her fingers curling around his bicep made his head swim and his heart race. He knew already there was no way he could deny the effect she had on him. He could only hope she felt the same.

October 1, 2021 — 4:10pm

“Do you wanna hang out here or walk around a bit more?” Chan asked, shoving his wallet back into his pocket as they wandered away from the counter.

She felt her heart flutter for the millionth time that day as he looked at her expectantly. She didn’t know if she could ever get used to someone caring about her opinion so much — it was equal parts exciting and unsettling.

“It’s supposed to rain, so maybe we should start heading back to the hotel?” She shrugged, trying to push the unease out of her mind; trying to convince herself that Chan wasn’t Christian. Felix would never have trusted him if he was.

At that moment she realized she’d almost gone the whole day without thinking of him. But the moment the thought of him passed through her mind, it was as if she’d conjured him. Because behind Chan’s shoulder, she watched him walk through the door, arm around the shoulders of a girl she had only seen once — the night she packed her things and left him.

“Fuck,” she whispered. He shouldn’t have been there, he should have been in Singapore, planning his wedding. Not in Australia, not in Sydney, but definitely not in her favourite coffee shop. It made her blood boil and her hands shake — Christian had refused to set foot inside it again after she had dragged him there the first time. He’d even told her that she was embarrassing for wanting to go back there. But now; here he was with Hanako. With the fiancée he’d conveniently forgotten to mention.

Jealousy and rage clouded her senses, but the crushing sense of inadequacy that filled her made her stomach turn. He never looked at her the way he was looking at Hanako — so full of love and adoration. She couldn’t even blame him; she was gorgeous. Her silky black hair cascaded down her back effortlessly, and a sweet smile seemed to be set permanently on her heart shaped lips. The more she stared at her the more self conscious she became — Hanako seemed to be everything she was not.

She realized at that moment it was never about the coffee shop; he was embarrassed to be with her.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chan asked, crowding her sight as he pulled her toward the wall of books. His hands cradling her face tenderly made the fresh wave of tears sting in her eyes. She hated it — she hated that he could see the cracks in her, hated how Christian could find new ways to hurt her, and hated that there was still part of her that was affected by him.

“Not really,” she laughed sarcastically, pushing the bone crushing hurt back down. “That guy over there, the asshole with the tattoos and the all black, the one with the girl in the dress? He’s my ex. And I don’t want him to see me.”

Chan’s head whipped around to look over his shoulder, finding them with ease before turning back to face her, “That guy?”

She nodded, “Yeah. And that’s his fiancée.”

“What a cunt,” Chan mumbled, shaking his head.

She grabbed his shoulders, positioning her in front of him to effectively block herself from Christian’s view, using Chan’s broad frame as a shield, “I can’t stand him.“

“Hey, don’t worry about him, just focus on me,” Chan said softly, shuffling forward to cage her against the bookshelf. “What do you wanna do?”

“I just-I don’t want him to see me. He wasn’t supposed to be here,” she mumbled with a pout.

He nodded before he took a step forward, pressing her back fully against the wall, “I’m gonna touch you, is that okay?” He asked, his hands hovering over her waist. The earnestness in his eyes gave her goosebumps; she couldn’t remember a time anyone looked at her like he was right then.

“Yeah, you can touch me,” she nodded breathlessly, “Can I..?”

“Of course,” he smiled, shivering as her hands skimmed across his shoulders, one hand gently tracing shapes into the muscle of his chest while the other occupied itself with the curly black hairs at the nape of his neck. “God it’s so stupid but I’m just-like-I have so many questions.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes, tugging his hair lightly, “Don’t say it’s stupid, you’re curious. That’s normal. I’ll answer whatever you wanna know.”

“I’m not sure I wanna know honestly,” he laughed bitterly, “Whatever you tell me will probably just make me want to punch him in the face.”

A soft warmth spread through her at his honesty; it was incredibly refreshing after spending 2 years constantly guessing what Christian was thinking or feeling. For a second she imagined how nice it would be to be with someone like him. But she quickly shook herself out of the fantasy — she barely knew Chan, how could she possibly think she knew him well enough to imagine a relationship with him.

“I doubt it, Channie,” she sighed, looking away from his eyes, focusing on the thin gold chain that sat on his collarbones. It caught the light every time she twirled a curl around her finger, making an image of him hovering over her with his chain smacking his chin as he pounded into her flash through her head. Tendrils of lust curled in her belly — she didn’t know how thoroughly and quickly Chan managed to take root in her head but she knew it couldn’t be good.

“Well, he’s your ex and he has a fiancée, so I think anything I find out about him is going to make me hate him more than I do right now,” he scoffed before adding, “You’re lucky it’s me with you today and not Felix. He wouldn’t even ask, he’d just start swinging.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that — he was right. Her cousin was prone to reacting first and asking questions later. “I mean, that’s fair I guess. But honestly it was barely a relationship. I mean, you and I are being more scandalous now than he and I ever were.”

“You’re telling me he had you and he wasn’t showing you off to everyone with eyes?” Chan asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

She shook her head before answering, “We didn’t really do… anything. We didn’t go out, I never met his friends or family and he never met mine. I realize now it’s because I was his side piece and he couldn’t have anyone asking about me,” she shrugged, wishing she didn’t sound so defeated.

Chan’s body went rigid under her hands, his jaw clenched and his hands tightening on her hips. “What a fucking cunt,” he ground out through his teeth, “If you were mine, fuck, I’d never be able to keep my hands off you. My friends would be sick of how much I talk about you, Sugar Plum — especially Felix.”

The flames of desire surged in her veins again; it was almost overwhelming. She knew Chan was dangerous for her for any number of reasons, but the main one being that he made her want for the first time in a long time. She didn’t realize how much she craved what he was offering until he put it into words. But she didn’t know if he meant it as seriously or as desperately as she wanted it.

Chan’s voice in her ear made her shiver, pulling her out of the thought spiral that was beginning to consume her. “I really can’t stand this,” he mumbled before a wicked smile spread across his face, “Alright, so, I’m gonna get real close to you, and you’re gonna slip your hand under the back of my shirt, okay? If you’re uncomfortable or want me to back off, I will, but he needs to know what he lost. So he can see you’re not bothered by him.”

Her mouth went dry as she put his plan together in her head, watching the smirk grow as she dropped one hand from where it was resting on the back of his neck, her fingers toying with the hem of his shirt. “You’re evil, just like me,” she breathed, splaying her hand across his warm, muscular expanse of skin as both of his grabbed her hips, adjusting his stance so he could tower over her slightly. “I like that about you,” she admitted, making him chuckle.

He surged forward, his nose bumping against hers, “I like that about you too, Sugar Plum,” he smiled, “Now if you wanna really sell it, I’m gonna dip my head down and you’re gonna pull my hair and kiss my neck.”

“Okay,” she whispered back, feeling Chan’s breath on her neck, his hand sliding into her hair to steer her where he wanted her. Her fingers tightened in his hair on instinct as her lips brushed the junction of his neck — making goosebumps spread across his tanned arms. She felt him shudder, giggling an apology into his skin.

“Don’t be sorry,” he argued, resting his forehead against her collarbone, “It was nice, I just can’t control what my body does when someone like you kisses my neck like that. I mean, it’s really not fair.”

She was about to apologize again when she felt his plush lips make contact with her skin, but where her touch was fleeting and almost accidental, his lips attached themselves to her neck with force.

The gentle suction ripped a startled gasp from her. He pulled away with a wet pop, smiling innocently, “Now we’re even,” he shrugged. “I’m sure he’s fucking boiling now. I know I would be if I saw that.”

It took her a second to remember how their little charade had begun, feeling dizzy because of Chan’s presence and proximity. She had nearly forgotten about Christian entirely, something she couldn’t deny made her stomach flip with both anxiety and excitement. She had to fight through the haze in her mind to even think of a coherent response. “Chan I don’t think he’s looking—“

“Why wouldn’t he be looking? You’re the most interesting thing here. Everyone should be looking.”

The absolute certainty in his voice was staggering to her — she knew he meant it. But she couldn’t understand why. He barely knew her, but he was committing near public indecency just to spite her ex on her behalf. Maybe it was because he was so close with Felix, one of the only people she trusted wholeheartedly and implicitly, but she didn’t question Chan’s intentions or authenticity in the slightest.

It made her want him even more.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” she whispered back, the words coming out of their own volition. She knew he meant it — but she needed to hear him confirm it.

He surged forward, his nose bumping against hers — a habit of his that she enjoyed a little too much. “Hey, I fucking mean it, yeah? You’re incredible. And just because that asshole couldn’t see it doesn’t make it any less true,” Chan said seriously, pushing a piece of hair out of her face, “You’re so—“

“Babe, what the fuck is all this? Who the fuck are you letting grope you in our place.”

The too familiar voice that cut him off felt like a bucket of ice water being thrown on her.

She peeked over Chan’s shoulder to see Christian — sans Hanako — glaring daggers at the back of Chan’s head. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Chan’s voice, “Excuse you, mate, but who the right fuck are you? And what business of yours who gropes her where?”

A shocked scoff came out of Christian, his eyes narrowing as he assessed Chan, “I’m her boyfriend, mate, which is why I wanna know why you’re all over her.”

Chan threw his head back, a full laugh tearing out of his throat before shaking his head, “Nah, you’re her ex aren’t you? I’ve heard all about you,” Chan rolled his eyes, turning back to face her, his expression softening as he ran his thumb over her cheekbone and down to her lips, gently pulling her bottom lip from between her teeth. She hadn’t realized she’d begun to chew on it nervously as she looked between them, but Chan’s soft smile and gentle hands made the tension drop from her frame. “Why don’t you leave us alone? Don’t you have a fiancée to look after, champ?”

She saw the rage ignite in Christian’s eyes at his obvious insult, his mouth opening to say something that she knew would slice through her straight to the bone — a skill he wielded like a professional through their relationship. He always knew what to say to inflict the most damage the fastest, leaving her shattered in his wake.

But before he could make a sound, her name was being called out — signaling their order was ready — and Chan was steering her away from him.

She took a single step forward before a hand closed around her wrist, dragging her out from Chan’s arm. “Don’t fucking walk away from me again, baby. You don’t understand—“

“No, Christian. I don’t need to understand anything. You had a fucking fiancée the whole time we were together. Do you know how much that hurt me? After all that I gave up for you?” She couldn’t seem to stop the words from coming out — but if she was honest with herself, she needed to say them. “And before you say anything, to try and manipulate yourself out of the mess you made — I heard you say that I meant nothing to you; that I was just a piece of ass you were fucking around with before settling down. So get your hands off me,” she seethed, glaring at him. Pain sparkled in his eyes as he opened his mouth to argue but she cut him off, “Just stop, Chris; I don’t want to hear it. Now let me go.” He staggered back as if he’d been slapped, releasing her.

Chan took her hand, making her turn to look at him over her shoulder, “You ready to leave?”

She couldn’t trust her voice anymore, only managing a nod before his arm was around her shoulders, pulling her toward the exit, grabbing their coffees and passing her drink off to her seamlessly.

With that, they walked out of the doors, not bothering to look behind them. And for the first time in years she felt in control. She didn’t feel like a pawn being used or a prop in someone else’s life. The rush of it was addicting; the electricity of it seemed to thrum under her skin. Chan made her feel powerful, and she never wanted it to stop.

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Taglist: @bibbykins @j-a-nuary @eureka-its-zico @gimmethatagustd @here2bbtstrash @lovemepie67 @whiplaaaaaaaaash @enaluvs

#stray kids smau #stray kids fic #skz smau #skz fic #bang chan smau #bang chan fic #bang chan x reader #craving connection #stray kids smut #bang chan smut

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meenawrites · 6 months

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So.. I finished Alchemy of Souls

Guys, the amount of tears I just shed in front of my entire family in the last episode of part 2 is crazy.

They were just sitting there like, you good? It's fiction as I'm sobbing my eyes out.

Anyway.

I have many thoughts. So many. And I lowkey want to make a separate post for each of them.

But for now I do want to leave some of my impressions about the finale: (spoilers ahead obviously)

I thought it was pretty well done. I expected to be a bit more shocked about the whole Jin Buyeon is Jin Seol-ran plotline but it honestly made sense to me and I feel like it was actually foreshadowed pretty well for the most part, even in season 1.

Also they definitely got me good with the deaths of Park Jin, Maidservant Kim, and Jin Hogyeong (if that's how you spell her name). Like that's when I started crying tbh. (I could care less about Mama Jin tbh, she sucks, but that deserves its own post). And I'm glad that them actually being alive didn't feel like a cop out to me. They established early on that Jin Seol-ran knew what would happen and used that to their advantage so it was believable and didn't feel like a Deus Ex Machina move for them to be saved. Well, maybe one of them should have died (cough–Mama Jin–cough). But it's fine.

I do feel like the last two episodes were kind of rushed though. I don't know if they had budgeting constraints or if Netflix didn't give them more than ten episodes, but I think that they should have had at least 12. Two more episodes would have allowed for more expansion on the climax and allowed them to up the drama more, which I think would have done well for the series over all, and would have been a better payoff.

I think the time could have been used well to flesh out some of the side characters arcs more. I feel like Danggu and Jin Choyeon were kind of pushed off to the side this season, and especially in the latter half, but I would have liked to see more of them and their relationships not only with each other but with Jang Uk and Naksu/Jin Buyeon.

For all intents and purposes, Naksu/Jin Buyeon lived as Jin Choyeon's sister for three years, and we can see that despite everything that happened three years prior, Choyeon did treat her as her sister even knowing the soul was Naksu's and cared about her. I think that could've and should've been expanded upon, her choosing to care about Naksu/Jin Buyeon or how that came to be. Also, after Naksu regained her memory AND found out Jin Mu had been for sure controlling her at the end of Part 1, I would have loved to see the conversation between her and Choyeon about what she did, an apology and an explanation that she would never have done that if she were sane of mind. What I said about Choyeon applies to Naksu as well because she lived three years as Choyeon's sister, and we can tell she cares about her, so I would have loved to see more of her feelings towards her, especially upon remembering all that had transpired in part 1.

When it comes to Danggu, I mean, he's one of Uk's best friends, and he was left out of the loop a lot when it came to anything Naksu-related. I would have liked him to find out or for Uk to tell him at some point and see how he makes peace with that. Because Danggu and Mudeok were friends in part 1 and he supported her (erroneously) in her supposed romance with Seo Yul. But then she killed his fiance's father and tried to attack him. I can't imagine the sense of betrayal he felt, but also finding out that it wasn't her fault and how he could come to terms with that would have been great to see. I also think his whole experience/trauma from part 1 was kind of glossed over. Like his main thing this season was his broken heart after Choyeon didn't end up marrying him, and I think that was making his feelings a bit too one-dimensional there. They do talk about how he feels slightly uncomfortable/doesn't know what to do with Jang Uk at the beginning of the show, but once Seo Yul comes back, that's kind of forgotten about and the three of them just start hanging out again no problem. I would've like to see a bit more about him struggling with becoming Leader of Songrim as well and how he adapted to that amidst his heartbreak for both his love and his friend who he doesn't even know how to act around anymore, and even towards Naksu/Mudeok who kind of ruined his future and that of his best friend but also being intuitive enough (because he is and he has one of the best hearts we've seen in the show) to realize that there's more to the story than her just going on a murder spree.

I've seen some talk about people saying they didn't like the actress for season 2 as much as season 1 (forgive me, I forgot their names), but I think both brought something good to the table.

Season 1 actress for Mudeok was really good. Her facial expressions were spot on and her chemistry with Lee Jaewook and the other cast members was really good. I think she definitely had great stage presence and made the show popular in the first place. I just don't agree that season 2 actress was worse.

I think season 2 actress definitely put in the work and embodied who Naksu/Jin Buyeon was for the majority of the series. There were times where she made expressions that perfectly resembled/echoed Naksu/Mudeok's that really got me like yes they are the same person even if she doesn't remember. She may have been cuter than we were used to with out sharp-tongued and emotion-resistant Mudeok, but I think Naksu needed that. As Mudeok and before then she didn't have the luxury to be more emotional and girly, it's only now in this body that she does, and I'm glad she had the opportunity to express that side of herself that had never seen the light of day.

We did get a glimpse of that side of her at the end of part 1 where she's playing around with makeup and what might make her look pretty, and it really spoke to all that she had missed out on and had to give up in order to survive. So yeah despite all the angst, I'm glad Naksu/Jin Buyeon had that opportunity through season 2 actress who played it really well while keeping in line with the essence of Naksu/Mudeok.

This whole thing about Naksu being the shadow to Jang Uk's light and if light exists then it needs a shadow broke my heart you guys, it was so perfect. And the fact that they were each other's light and shadow at different points but were also wholly necessary to each other in that was beautiful. I want to talk more about this in a separate post, so I'll table this metaphor for now.

Shout out to Crown Prince Go Won, a great character this whole season in terms of both comedic relief and massive character growth. So good.

Uk's arc was fantastic too but again want to save that for a full post.

Those are my out of order first thoughts about part 2, but I have SO MUCH MORE to discuss, so I will come back for sure. I just needed to scream to the world for a bit (virtually of course).

Question though for all of you more knowledgeable in the k-drama world: is there going to be a season 3?

#alchemy of souls #alchemy of souls part 2 #alchemy of souls light and shadow #Jang Uk #Naksu #Mudeok #Cho Yeong #Jin Buyeon #park dang gu #Seo Yul #jin cho yeon #kdrama #Finale thoughts #Meena's posts

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thyfleshc0nsumed · 1 month

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I really hope I can build my own strange kinky queer family someday, thanks for sharing parts of yours! It’s sexy but also heart warming?

This is legitimately so sweet. It honestly made me tear up a little

It's weird it kinda just... Happened. I met my sweetie 5 years ago now. We met on Grindr and she brought over some drinks and I was like "oh if you're at the grocery store, can you pick me up some milk." We dated for about six months and stopped seeing each other cuz life kinda got in the way. We saw each other a handful of times over the next two years and when I moved I asked if she could help, which she did. I hadn't even realized that I had moved less than 10 mins away from where she lives (she always came to me when we were dating)

I was still madly in love with her (tbh I'm realizing that she was really my first love) and she knew she couldn't give me what I wanted from her and she told me that. I needed a couple months to feel my feelings (and also get footing in my sobriety) before I was ready to be friends. Late fall of 2022 we started hanging out sometimrs again, and then probably spring ish of 2023 I met her Daddy. She started modeling some leather for me not long after I started doing it, but it wasn't until that spike strap photoshoot in ~ Oct 2023 that things got weird in some fun ways. That was like the first time I feel like I really domd her in a way that wasn't just for the camera. Since then, it's been a rollercoaster of constantly developing so many dynamics. She's my sweetie, she's my lover, she's my auntie, she's my sub, she's my best friend, she's so many things to me.

Her and her Daddy started dating like spring of 2022 and I was maaaaad jealous, I projected allllll my insecurities onto him, despite never having met him. The first time we hung out one on one was in late July of 2023 where we went and saw a screening of a porno. After that I think we saw each other at tranny takeover nights at one of the local cruising bars and just started hanging out in group and solo settings. He's truly one of my best friends in the world, and the brother I never got to have

I met his husband (the rabbit) not too long after and we've gotten really close too. One of the most insightful people I've had the pleasure to meet in my little time on this earth. Such a profoundly compassionate person who consistently challenges me to be kinder and gentler with myself. Theyre witty without ever being unkind, and goddamn can they carry a bit. Also they're really fucking good at pointing out when I'm letting ppl be transmisogynistic towards me cuz they're hot lmfao.

I met the femme, the rabbit's girlfriend at the rabbits birthday party last November. She's such a delightful presence and really admire how strongly she stands by her values. I remember a month or two ago, I was on some fuck shit, I don't even remember what, and she was like "hey girl you're on some fuck shit." I respect the hell out of her, and am so glad she's in our weird little crew

I didn't realize what we had was a family until recently. It was a lot of things tbh but I think it was this moment I had in January that really showed me. I was having the worst mental health moment I had had in probably a year. I was feeling so unstable. I was out and I was feeling impulsive. I was planning on either going and getting fucked by some guys at the cruising bar or getting in the lake with my clothes on. The daddy told me to come over cuz I clearly wasn't okay. I did. By the time I got to their spot it was probably 11p and I was nonverbal. The rabbit made me a bagel. The daddy got me a stuffed animal to squeeze. It was probably 45 minutes before I got even a single word out. And they were fine with that. They didn't pressure me to talk, but they didn't ignore me either. They let me be with them the way I needed to be. And when I was ready to talk, I was met with such compassion and emotional intelligence and love. I was taken care of in ways a family does.

Idk. This was long. And maybe over share y. I just. I fucking love these people so much and it kinda all spilled out.

#family #hi lil brother #hi auntie #also just using the monikers from the photo account to preserve a little anonymity

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precious-little-scoundrel · 4 months

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my dearest darlingest marina i need you to know you have broken me quite thoroughly and i might never ever forgive you for it as long as we both shall live ! ❣️

to clarify- ive been saving "let's fall out of love" to read later ever since you posted it cuz i didn't feel ready- didn't think i was emotionally stable enough to read it then. well, tonight ive been clearing out my list of unread fics from last year aND GODDAMN WAS I EVER RIGHT ABOUT THAT.!!!

started getting all weepy and shaky before that first courthouse bathroom conversation and i didn't ever stop 😭 sobbed so hard and for so long at the unfairness of it all (for both of them !) i gave myself an asthma attack and had to stop reading.. what really broke me was e's bittersweet and somewhat detached realization on the courthouse steps that all their kids had flocked to laney during the divorce. couldn't stop thinking abt how badly i would've wanted to tell jesse off for being sharp to his daddy, and the knowledge that elaine COULDN'T, that it wasn't quite over yet and she still had to save face for a bit longer despite how much it killed them both, despite being the only person who could truly understand just how deep elvis was hurting right then and having been the one who'd made a whole life out of loving him hard.......... the idea of him resigning himself to having lost that forever (false) and her having to go against everything in her nature to let him ache a while longer,, oh it just shattered my spirit to bits right then and there. oh god im gonna start crying again just thinking about how lonely they both made each other 💔💔💔

im literally inconsolable, even with the reasoning behind it/ knowing how it ends beforehand, and having those future timeline fics to fall back on did nOT SAVE ME like . dear GOD woman how is that even possible?!?? if i had any shred of humanity left in my body id wax poetic for three more paragraphs abt how that speaks to your truly absolutely outstanding talent as an author and worldbuilder, but alas i think i cried out everything that was keeping me sane sometime in the last half hour and now i have to go lie facedown on the floor in my hallway and die abt it all instead 👍 fantastic work as always i love all your work so much forever etc etc 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

ps: it took me the better part of an hour to type all this out since ive lost the water content of approxinately a small ocean w my tears and am doing physically poorly in response 🫠🫠 so thanks for ur patience in this trying time 😔🙏

I spun around in circles upon reading this like my poor coon dog when she had a stroke -jovially of course. Like this is the stuff every writer dreams of getting for feedback but holy smokes, your talent for screaming? Beyond my wildest dreams. I’ve always told you how much I appreciate your time and enthusiasm to tell your thoughts Mary Hope, and now is no exception. My babe and co-author @elvisabutler deserves the pleasure of reading what we’ve wrought, as well. I’ll be halving all your medical and psychiatric expenses with her. 😏

Tbh, despite knowing both imminent and longterm reconciliation was to happen after this segment, we were just as cut up about tearing them apart as you were to read it. In fact, it was worse than all the lead up fics where the passive aggressive accumulation of grievances came across as hurts but ultimately only aggravations. This is just…PAIN. Funny how what was untenable before a tragedy suddenly appears to have been idyllic after it. Anyways.

Thank you for reading, here’s some Kleenex, albuterol and do know the sequel to this divorce is in drafts, so not finished AT ALL but it is in the works.

Not that it’ll hurt much less than this one. 😈

#sarge asks #love notes #elvis fanfiction #elvis presley

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kiana-kaslana-423 · 4 months

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yknow that E.L.F reader that is based off of Vill-V's childhood friend/lover is going to have one of the worst case of mommy [I mean Vill-V and the person she is based off of are kind of her moms] issues and stuff like impostor syndrome and inferiority complex.

because imagine being born based off of your creator's deceased lover, and you are confused about your existence, while you and your creator do not have a proper bond because of her grief and that there is simply not enough time to do so and then she also died too, but then you head over to essentially help and work in a place that is a virtual realm where future generations of warriors will go and learn and your creator's companions and your creator exists there by their memories but it isn't really the same as your once living creator, so you're stuck there for millennias not really knowing what to do and also trying to live up to her expectations but feeling that it is never enough and that she doesn't even see you.

and there's just a growing bitter resentment that you bury deep inside of you and you do not know where it started or for who; Is it to yourself? To your creator? To the one that you are a replica of? You do not know and you couldn't understand.

likewise, I am in the opinion that when Vill-V created her E.L.F she felt emotions like disgust and apathy towards her creation as she isn't the same as her childhood friend/lover, but she mostly felt guilt. this carries over to her SIM in the Elysian Realm, and of all of the Vill-Vs, Helix is the one who feels so much guilt to her.

basically this entire thing gives off a lot of Carmen, Ayin, and Angela vibes from Lobotomy corporation/Library of Ruina. Specifically, childhood friend/lover as Carmen, Vill-V as Ayin, and E.L.F reader as Angela.

also got a bit of inspiration from this fanfiction with Vill-V and Void Archives when i wrote this, mainly the last part with Helix tbh, also wow that onshot that the other anonymous sent made me tear up too.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43245966

Sobbing, puking, hitting the walls /j

I hate you guys so so so much for this angstttff- How dare you??? This hurts my soullllll ;;; /j ((I love angst so much))

#btw i have read that story before it's good! ;;;#☆ kiana's little talks ☽#honkai #honkai impact #honkai x reader #honkai impact 3rd #honkai impact 3rd x reader #honkai impact x reader #hi3 #hi3 x reader #vill v x reader #vill-v x reader #vill v #vill-v

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delunesnumberonefan · 13 days

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sketch time

you will sit down. you will look at my horrible little women. And You Will Appreciate Them

no this is NOT going under a cut you will see the blood sweat and tears i put into belialah's demon form and you will appreciate it, me, and saskia's off the charts world class monsterfucker status

we got saskia. we're familiar with saskia--or at least you should be. go look at the art by korppipoika and give them so many notes--this post will wait. and while you're out, look at the post about the matriarchs too. and if you're not up to date on saskia and belialah, here's another one for your list. i'll be here when you get back.

up to date? excited? horny? me too!!

so we got those two. in order for the images: saskia (recent), belialah (first draft, still happy with this and haven't been able to capture this vision since)

we got their dynamic:

saskia being a bitch and belialah being, despite everything, head over heels. still can't quite nail belialah's human face, but we're learning

...it took me a long time to nail down belialah's demon form. it went through a lot of drafts---many of which i am not sharing. this one is the oldest one i'm willing to share:

i believe this is draft 3? patch notes from earlier drafts: 4 fingers instead of three, took out "humanoid" eyes, added floaty halo bits. other than that, this is what it's mostly stayed true to. chase gave me an inspo and i remixed it and made it worse because i love body horror. so we have this! extra joint between the wrist and elbow, loads and loads of eyes, sharp teeth (yum!), wings, and a broken halo plus the big horn. love her. she has spider legs below her waist--she has "skirts" that are made from her skin that she usually wears (has?) over them.

made some eensy sketches for ideas:

i tinkered on size, proportion, posture, etc. it's vague, but not exact for either of them. i want a bigger height difference and this is for me first and foremost

i settled on this body type for saskia:

no nipples so she's not naked :) this is for anatomy reference, tumblr. ANATOMY. be so nice to me ;-;

ignore the stuff at the edges, this is part of a larger project idk if i'll finish where i look at all the matriarchs and their body types. saskia is the most...well, besides ethalind, the most hourglass shape. this is the most recent drawing of her i have besides the one at the very end, this is the one i would say is most canon. hence why it is included--the last one i have doesn't quite hit right for me. still working on consistency.

as i improved my art, i wanted to take another stab at belialah. which meant figuring out her lower half.

i did these ones reeaaally recently. i looked at so many things for inspo: crabs, spiders, human pelvises, centaur speculative biology, drider speculative biology, an introspective look at how much of a monsterfucker i am, etc. until i found something i was happy with. these are within the last few days. the lil sketches at the far bottom right of the first page are what i settled on. after that, i tinkered with how she looks with skirts vs no skirts---ignore the sword, it's no longer accurate to what it actually looks like, but that's endgame shit and no spoilers :)

i'm really happy with how she's turned out and i think she's kickass and awesome and i can't wait to beat her and saskia into the ground.

and then we have:

team gaslight gatekeep girlboss :)

i drew this last night!! really happy with how my art is coming along. i hesitated on whether to draw the skirts, because i think the spider legs are so fucking cool and i know logically the skirts are there but tbh its funner drawing the spider legs than the skirts :(

i want to make it very clear: belialah is submissive in the way a guard dog is submissive, to quote a post i once tagged as gilt and lost. belialah is loyal, devoted, willing to protect--but will wait for an order before acting

btw, to make something else clear: saskia? saw the demon form first. is more attracted to the demon form than the human form. is far more willing to smash with belialah in demon form. i love my weirdest little freak of a woman <3

ok that's all bye

#roselyn talks #roselyn's art #love and war #saskia tag #belialah tag #the empress and her shadow #please come talk to me about the worst women in the world i love them so #body horror #too many eyes #eyes cw #idk what to tag #sorry i forgot these initially i hope i got them in time :<

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fbj723 · 20 days

Text

my whb progress 2

as of apr 7, 2024

since whb's half anni has passed, i thought i'd do a progress check to reflect on how much has happened btwn now and this post

general info

lvl: 47

status: 🤨 mostly f2p

i say mostly cause i just recently broke the f2p status and bought bp for ppyong

i refuse to buy packs and in the future i'll prob be very selective over who i pick for bp (aka i wont buy every bp), so for the most part i'll just be having the f2p experience

when i started: launch (10/03 my timezone)

ver: erolabs

team setup

i finally have levi now lmao

sometimes i'll switch out one of the levis for attacker satan but this is what i use generally

everyone's lvls and artifacts

skill lvls (normal atk-ult-passive)

attacker mammon: 1-3-1

selfie mammon: 4-5-4

selfie satan: 4-4-1

selfie beel: 4-4-4

bloodshed levi: 3-3-1

selfie levi: 3-3-1

secret club

i only work on completing mammon's unholy board

stuck on needing attacker mammon's sig atm :'))

materials

too lazy to screenshot it all but im basically broke on pies, tears, pretzels (tbf i dont play the minigame whatsoever), red keys, yellow keys, and seals

everything else im either ok in supply or overflowing w it

overall thoughts / reflection

this section is for me to look back on in the future when i do progress posts. i'll break down this section into multiple parts similar to my prev post for consistency

STORY

honestly, its interesting in concept. since sadly only 1 chapter has released btwn now and my last post so thoughts havent really drastically changed

ch5 imo wasnt really a full on hades chapter. yes, it takes place in hades and yes we get some intro abt hades, but i think this was supposed to act more like a bridge to tartaros, which is prob why we didnt have any h scenes w any hades chars aside from levi. ofc we'll get back to it being hades-focused eventually, but the story for a while is most likely gonna pivot to tartaros bc of that big lore drop abt mammon at the end

i assume we'll prob be introduced to the cherubs in tartaros bc of selaphiel txting us near the end + it being mentioned at the end that theres a hub of angels in the lab, and hopefully part 2 of mammon's h scene. it was strange at first for mammon to only have 1 h scene, compared to satan or levi that had 2, but w him implying theres probably gonna be a part 2 in his h scene + we'll most likely see him again in ch6 (or however many chapters tartaros will be played out), we'll prob experience part 2 in his home country. tbh that prob just me inhaling MASSIVE hopium since mammon isnt rlly that popular but i can dream ok-

i hope us being in tartaros doesnt last for just 1 chapter. you cant condense the experiments tartaros went through to create a clone of mammon only for them to fail + bring up the fact that the seed is prob also in tartaros in just 1 chapter. well— technically you can, but not at the pace chapters are at atm. chapters have roughly 15 parts of story on the main branch, and imo that much info abt tartaros cant be condensed into 1 chapter unless if they make the story bits like WAY longer than what they normally do

GAMEPLAY

tl;dr as an endgame player, its too easy 💀

working on the spreadsheet ever since the games 1st month of release and now just recently testing multiple team comps, the "meta" is so monkos HSHFJDJ

this game is INSANELY dependent on you having more than 1 dps/tank light card. light is also just an unstoppable element and i wish the game was balanced a bit more to let other elements shine

enemies are now way too easy to defeat. ik i prob shouldnt be complaining abt this but pls im a pgr and neural cloud player at heart I NEED SOME CHALLENGE

ch3 and ch4 were prob the most tedious and awful chapters, but at least they actually made me think when it comes to battles. now i just place down chars and let it play in the bg while i go do smth else. ofc this may just be bc i have a team that im comfortable w using everywhere, but id like to see at least a bit more "challenge" outside of holy coin portal

also, for weekly achievements, lvling artifacts is not a great requirement

i only pull when theres a new s rank or when mammon is moved to standard, so its very, VERY rare compared to avg users. having the artifact req is essentially forcing me to pull during those gaps just so i could fulfill a weekly req which sucks. i also dont need to lvl anymore artifacts in general for my team comp. lvl 15 is the bare minimum i need to get through all content w ease, anything after that is just a small boost tbh

on the note of daily/weekly requirements, there needs to be more of them

i mean in a sense of theres still gonna be 9 daily achievements, but you get more options on HOW you get to the 9 daily achievement req. most gachas that ive played always have more options than necessary to fulfill the overall requirement to get all rewards, so having this strict number w strict reqs is rlly not that great tbh

RESOURCES

thoughts from last time still havent rlly changed. pies and candies especially are still rng dependent which sucks, and now there gonna revamp pancakes while also keeping the old pancakes ???? theres way too many currencies (w some even having very little to no use) atp which can and will get overwhelming for new players

GACHA

i hate solomon seals. you can tell that red keys were supposed to be the main gacha currency if you ever look at old packs, but smth happened along the way and now we have seals

pity is also way too high for what we're earning atm. based off of f2p earnings, every week we get roughly 1 pull of red keys, maybe 2 pulls of yellow keys (red and yellow keys are more dependent on the key boxes which again, dependent on rng), and 1 pull of solomon seals. this doesnt include the stuff earned outside of dailies/weeklies, and i think there should be more ways to earn said currency through dailies/weeklies and not be so dependent on either paying or pulling chars

speaking of pity, i wish we had pity for both of the standard banners

i also wish theyd separate char and artifacts into their own banners. that way, if someone has a char but needs their sig, they can just pull in the artifact-only banner and try to get said sig

tl;dr in general i wish everything wasnt so strict and rng dependent, also wish numbers made sense like why do we get at least 5 red keys a week when 1 pull is 3, JUST GIVE ME 6 KEYS ATP

so yeah thats all for now lmao. im pretty sure i have a lot more to say abt this game but my minds at a blank atm, so ig thatll be saved for the next progress post which will be around 1st anni

#fbj rambles #whb

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