#thanks a lot spectrum

[sudoscience]

For being dealt such a shit hand by The Mouse, Dana Terrace and crew really pulled off a wonderful finale, huh?

#toh #the owl house #watching and dreaming #really wish they'd gotten a full season but #gonna try not to think too much about what could have been #i'm kinda tired rn but expect more thoughts later #also kinda mad that my dvr always cuts off the very end of the show #i feel like i missed about the last 30-60 seconds of the finale #thanks a lot spectrum #also incredibly fucked up that there was a scientology commercial during the finale #i'm generally opposed to any religion advertising on any channel #but i'm especially opposed to scientology advertising on the disney channel #my post

[simplydnp]

I get the sense that Phil just likes to make “”weird”” stuff and has somewhat dialed back his weirdness due to his popularity and age. But I would love to see what an unfiltered 30 year old phil Lester video would look like. What stories does he want to tell? How does he want to tell those stories?

honestly i think phil is really good at playing out whatever his brain is thinking at the time. i think a lot of people struggle with ideas because they'll be seen as too 'weird' or 'strange' or even 'impossible', and what's neat about phil is he either doesn't have those boxes, or he's able to push through them in pursuit of creating the thing to its full potential. people describe him as creative, which he is, but i think it leaves out some of his best attributes as a creator. he's inventive--remember the countless trends and challenges that came from him that have swept the internet? he's fearless--and this doesnt mean that he's not afraid of anything (for phil its probably the opposite actually) but he does things despite the fear, regardless of the unknown. he's a relentless and passionate creator who likes to make things and values seeing them through to the end. but he's not naive either--he and dan have talked about each other being their harshest critics. it's not just that he's an ideas guy, he's a good ideas guy who knows how to make something flourish.

i don't think current phil is sitting in a box waiting for his chance to break free of his popularity. he could've stopped years ago, similar to dan, if he didn't want this. but he likes doing it. he gets to have his choice on which of his ideas turn into projects, without having the stress of Needing a brilliant idea and execution every week. right now i think a lot of his energy is focused on the gaming channel. as he's expressed to us a few times, it was him who really wanted it back, and he's been ready for a long time. dan's even admitted that he's been enjoying it, and i think a lot of that comes down to phil's creative directing. he loves the gaming channel and is so thrilled it's back--his own content has taken a step back in terms of upload regularity, and i genuinely don't think he could be happier about it.

i would love a big phil project, but i honestly don't see him doing a tour of his own unless he brings dan with him, and then why not have it be something they can do together? does that make sense? that seems to be his thought process about things. it's why i've suggested taskmaster cause it's a local thing that wouldn't keep him from home for a long while, but he does get to flex his creativity, intelligence, and humour.

i'm looking forward to anything phil does. his current project seems to be making dan happy and they're both having a lot of fun doing that

#i dont know if i answered your question anon. i think in some ways people play up the 'weird' side to phil bc he plays into it #as well as his past history of old school videos #firstly let me say i love when he's 'weird' #but i think the way i categorize it is less about a line between weird and not weird. and more of like a spectrum of zany #dnp are not mainstream guys. theyre self proclaimed nerds with pride. anything they make is gonna seem a little off Broadway #but it doesnt always feel that way for us #people inside the community #saying he's lost his weirdness/he's putting on a front is a bit. off. for me. especially considering its been 14 years #for most of his 'experimental' content. he's said it himself he was experimenting. i think he learned a lot and had fun #but i dont think its his personality and hes been trapped into this different persona ever since #anyway. i am yapping just like a dannie would so. thank u for your ask! #dnp #c.text #dan and phil #answered

[mx-myth]

Personally as an aroace being in a queerplatonic relationship and/or a poly relationship sound really freeing to me. I feel like in a QPR there would be less pressure to be more amatonormative or present that way. The kind of "omg I totally thought you guys were dating" sort of relationship that just comes from the pure intimacy of willing to be comfortable around each other and to be intimate without necessarily having to involve kissing/sex/"real" intimacy (and the possible aro or ace solidarity). Meanwhile in a poly relationship I feel like at least for me there would be less pressure be "involved" to an extent. A whole other person (or people) would negate a lot of anxiety on my part enough not being enough (especially if one or more of them are alloromantic). And potentially that's someone who can provide romance or sex that I just can't.

Obviously these are still relationships that you consciously need to put work into maintain and have open lines of communication and discussions of boundaries, etcetera, just like any "normal" relationship but that's really the point here. I'm not allo (and I'm perfectly fine with being "abnormal" by most societal standards, but that's obviously not true for all of us) in any way, shape, or form, so why should I have to fit myself into a little allo box?

#not to say that aros or aces or aroaces CAN'T be in a “normal” relationship because we totally can #but also we shouldn't have to be if we don't want to #there's probably a lot that could be criticized here but please don't be mean #just honest thoughts from a person who is comfortable with their aroace identity but still figuring out how to navigate the world as one #speaking of which I feel like this isn't something you can just. discuss outside of tumblr #I would be surprised if a random person on the street knew what a qpr is #or if they didn't think polyamory was just cheating or like. have negative connotations about it #which makes it hard to discuss and explore topics like these outside of internet anonymity #and there aren't a lot of communities that are as varied and unhinged as tumblr so I'm thankful I can spit this out at the end of ace week #ace week #asexual awareness week #acespec #asexuality #ace pride #ace week 2023 #asexual spectrum #aromantic spectrum #aroace #aromantic #aro pride #arospec #aspec #asexual #qpr #qpr pride #queerplatonic #queer platonic relationship #polyamory #polyam relationship #polyam pride

[whistlingstarlight]

In depth question time,

Which Genre of music do you associate with each train in Starlight Express? Do like, five of em :D

Ok you've not specified anyone so I'm picking <33

Greaseball - Very much rock and roll, but also earlier rock (e.g. The Beatles, The Byrds) and even a bit of jazz. Anything with a good rhythm to it and a bit of sax maybe.

Electra - Mostly synth-pop, maybe some trance EDM. Gotta be heavy on the electronic sound and ideally very otherworldly-sounding

Pearl - Pop rock (with the emphasis more on the pop). Gotta be bouncy and fun, but if some electric guitar can be snuck in that's ideal.

Flat-Top - Punk, but like the good kind. Think X-Ray Spex. A bit of standard rock too, I can see Hanoi Rocks fitting his vibe.

Rusty - Soft rock/acoustic pop. The kind of sound artists like Jack Johnson or Newton Faulkner have. Something overall pretty chill but still with a good rhythm or beat to it.

#it's a lot of rock stuff ik that's my favourite vibe sgjkdhj #it covers a broad spectrum! #thanks for the ask Becca! #asks #stex

[plusultraetc]

interested to know what u think abt erasercloud as a ship … im a emic otp kinda guy so i have it easy LOL

🤝I am definitely an erasermic otp kinda gal (I am tied to the mast of this ship like Odysseus except I actually want to be here), but I think erasercloud is really cute!! And Painful :')

tbh I did read this ask and literally have to sit there like 'what DO I think of erasercloud as a ship???' bc I only ever really think about them as friends? Obv their dynamic is so compelling, romantic or platonic. It's about the belief. It's about the remembering. It's about the love, persevering. It's about how Shirakumo was one of the first people who really, vocally believed in Aizawa, and now Aizawa is one of the only people who believes in him. (That he's still here. That there's still hope.) It's about how they only knew each other for a short time, but the impact they had on each other is so important. Life-changing.

(link bc this is getting long lol)

On a less-emo note, I also think that Shirakumo is just a super likable character, and in-universe, I can totally see him being the kind of person that like... everyone has a little bit of a crush on. Like we've all met one of Those People. Maybe I'm a little biased, bc in undergrad I was embarrassingly smitten with a very funny, very social person who, what do you know, would NOT let me be in my little reclusive introvert bubble. I can say from experience that being singled out by a person like that is very. uwu. you know how it is. ANYWAY even in a world where they're not together I could very easily see little bby Aizawa having a fleeting crush on Shirakumo for a reason like that. TL;DR cute ship if you smile through the pain!!

(I also know that a lot of Marvel fans ship Captain America and the Winter Soldier and isn't that,, kiiind of what's going on with Aizawa and Kurogiri?? So there's that!)

#thank you for the ask this was really fun!! #i may have more erasercloud thoughts later if the floodgates have opened #i feel like i should go read some fics for homework lol #if we were looking at like 'liza's shipping spectrum' #where 'everything to me' is at one end and like. 'big no' is at the other #most mha ships hover around 'entirely ambivalent' but some do approach 'they're cute' or even 'i like them' #and i think erasercloud lives there #i have put A Lot of thought into the shipping spectrum bc a lot of my friends are big shippers(?) #and this is how i organize our conversations #they say 'x and y. thoughts?' and i point at my neat little chart like here u go #there are very few ships on the everything to me end of the spectrum in any fandom bc i'm just not very good at shipping lol #but the ones that are there (erasermic. *****.) own my entire brain forever #liza blather #ask #anon

[kairisk]

I'm a different anon, but I'm sorry to hear your audience fiddled out with the nsfw ban from years ago! Your art is absolutely gorgeous, and the way you present your ideas in them is so unique! Especially with the Chinese zodiac animals and the quotes you have for each of them!

Also, I'd like to ask how you started making art. I'm very interested to hear the personal journey of artists. Did you always like drawing animals, for instance? Did you go to art school or to a training of some kind, like ateliers? And do you make traditional art too, or is it all digital?

Oh thank you so much!! I do my best as I really want to just keep making art for as long as I'm alive. I'm really happy to hear you say it's gorgeous and unique ( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ _ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) Yeah it is unfortunate, but I still like being here and sharing art on here, so who ever is here to enjoy it, I'm glad! I only hope new people stick around and old ones come back, I've certainly missed getting to interact and chat like this! Oh how cool! I'm honoured ahahaha I'd love to answer these q's into my process and profession so far: I absolutely have always liked drawing animals. It started with dinosaurs, cats and dragons, I loved them all as a child, just their whole concept and how cool I thought they were! I wanted to get good at drawing so I could depict them and make my own designs, and in learning how to draw their anatomy (mostly big cats) my mom got me a book that had all sorts of animals in it and how they worked and how to render these forms. I devoured the book and I gained an interest in all animals through drawing and learning from it. From there I kinda just delved into researching whatever animal piqued my interest! Not to mention dragons (one of my prime interests) are amalgam creatures and so in my pursuit in being able to draw any kind of dragon, knowing a whole lot about different animals is a huge boon in designing them! I did, I actually went to a Fine Arts university as I originally was going to be a bonafide gallery artist and wanted to gain as much knowledge into different techniques and mediums and conceptualization as I could. I'm pretty poor but had stellar grades so Uni was a great option for me to get access to studio equipment and knowledge thanks to qualifying for scholarships and loans. It was like a pressure cooker for 4 years and I can only describe it as the best of times and the worst of times;; I have a Bachelor's Alma Cum Laude in Fine Arts. I do! Since I originally was going to be a physical installation artist, I know how to build and construct kinda whatever? I have a minor in sculpture and I've made something in almost every medium from paper to concrete to silicone to plasma cutting metal and more.

When I got out of Uni I unfortunately lost my access to a ton of this equipment and wasn't successful in finding a replacement studio due to the financial/location/funding cuts barriers. I kinda became disillusioned with the prospects in the art world at this time and realised this wasn't the only space where I could have a career as an artist. So I changed my focus to becoming an illustrator and character designer. I taught myself digital at the same time I was getting my degree, so I honed my skills from then to be up to snap for production level art. I'm currently art director for an indie game project rn doing exactly that! (Although this is one of three jobs I'm juggling atm, it's why I've been posting less these days, I'm quite busy ( ´ ◇｀)ゞ)

That being said I still make things occasionally at my house as I still like making physical things from scratch when I have the time/money to do so! I like making masks and small sculptures, examples of these being this mask and this keychain :3c I always thought that the medium should be chosen based on what best serves the idea in mind, but most of my art is digital due to the production costs for making this art being nearly zero (as long as I have my tablet and electricity!) and having greater access to offer my artistic services with digital media ;o

#anon #risky rambles #asks #long post #i had a lot to say! #thank you for asking me all this #once I get talking I like never shut up haaaa #i hope this is interesting! #can u tell im on the spectrum?? hahaha

[annoyedlord]

I think some people would call what you experience gray acesexuality

I think I experience it a little as well but idk

Personally I didn't have too much of sex drive until I started taking meds for my ADD ( I was rather depressed when I was unmedicated) I didn't start seeing my partner until after I started taking meds and they have a good sex drive so idk if I'm mirroring them or if it's the meds lmao

But everything is always consensual I just get excited when they're excited ya know and I enjoy getting them excited

I think a lot of people would say that this mirroring behavior is part of the ace spectrum

I see yeah!! But it doesn’t feel like greyace? Like, it feels more like my own sex drive depends on my partner’s? It’s really fully a copy/past situation type of sexuality (on the alosexual to asexual sprectrum), hence why I kinda call it copysexual :0

#I’m on the ace spectrum anyway so yeah!! #thanks a lot for sharing your experience btw!! ♥️

[shinynx]

Women,,,,

#i have been thinking a lot lately abt butchness and like its complicated. #i am definitely and comfortably transmasc but I've always felt more agender than anything else #can i just be a bisexual guy some dude who is nonbinary / masc / butch / whatever and have a cute girlfriend or smthn #same pronouns of course nothing is different im just allowing myself to be on a broader spectrum because being a man doesn't seem accurate #but im absolutely not a girl #agender with a side of masculinity thanks

[apl-swag-bracket]

Round 1: L Lawliet (Death Note) Vs. Discord (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

[10]

#thank you Discord from our system for picking the image #Also I found the L image in an article titled things that dont make sense abt L and. Uh. Bro. Some of those things make a lot of sense bc #hes autistic (headcanon bc I am also autistic) hope that helps 👍 #apl swag bracket #apl swag bracket 2023 #apl #aplatonic #apl spectrum #aplspec #aspec #discord #discord mlp #l lawliet #l death note #apl swag bracket round 1

[undefeatablesin]

Taking the time to finally start drafting up Ruza's new bio more like this thing is slowly turning into my very own cosmic horror mystery soap opera.

#sin speaking #(i mean....ITS DEFINITELY MORE INTERESTING THAN was soldier. got sick.) #(but now i have no less than 5 npcs all driving the conflict to keep track of and poor ruza is stuck in the middle SLFLSLFSL) #( i feel LIKE. the pendulum has swung to the entire opposite spectrum lmao. from 'pretty standard' to 'okay wait what?') #(lsglflfl I PROMISE THO......IT EXPLAINS A LOT OF THINGS..........ALTAR WILL ALSO GAIN NEW CONTEXT BC OF IT.....) #(i also am updating her general info like her combat style/stats/personality details.) #(her first bio was too condensed imo) #(SO IM TRYING TO BREAK IT DOWN MORESO INTO BASIC CHONKS bc theres still a lot of info but......u kno) #(and a lot about ruza has been altered since the first draft. no thanks to altar retroactively informing my thought process LOL) #(anyway lol ruza enjoyers look forward to that ig)

[warriorrazor]

How do Skid and Pump do at school? Do they have a good time in there?

I’ve actually rambled a bit about this before to some Discord peeps for a while now but have been a bit too, well, cowardly to post it because it gets a bit real. But also I think it’s important to keep in my AU because a lot of kids experience similar situations.

Well, let’s start off with who Skid and Pump are. They’re two kiddos who definitely are not neurotypical and share the same special interest: Spooky Month, and the most special day itself, Halloween. One of them is hyperactive, the other one has quite a bit of anxiety. I’m super not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet, but in the SF AU Skid has dyslexia and ADHD. Pump has GAD (generalized anxiety disorder).

You may be thinking that perhaps they deal with bullies. In a way, sort of, but not with ones their same age. It’s actually mostly the teachers they have to deal with. Most of the teachers at the school are “old school,” meaning they don’t really appreciate or have patience for kids who deviate from the norm.

There’s also the fact that teachers gossip. No matter how much of a good first impression a kid makes, it will be tinted if a teacher hears from another teacher that the kid has done something to anger them (whether justified or not). And well, imagine a bunch of older teachers complaining about two kids in particular who panic when separated, with one of them who speaks loudly, is hyperactive, and has a learning disability (Skid) and the other constantly being nervous and jumping at small things, and completely freezing up when called on (Pump). Needless to say, they aren’t treated well. Along with the other kids at the school who deviate. Furthermore, the kids who are targeted by teachers tend to stick together. It results in Skid and Pump having some good friends in school who are similar to them.

HOWEVER. Thankfully Lila is a caring and attentive mother who notices the changes in her sons’ behavior when they go to school and come back from it. It culminates in her complaining to the school about how her boys are treated, and she threatens to put them in a different school if the school doesn’t shape up. She really doesn’t want it to come to that, since she knows Skid and Pump have made some good friends in that school.

Thankfully though, Lila is not alone. Other parents follow her lead and start complaining to the school as well. Words eventually travel, and soon the school’s administration takes notice. So then the school is forced to change up its game. The school board ends up firing the principal of the school, which also leads to teachers being fired and replaced with recommendations coming from the new principal. This is when Skid and Pump finally start feeling more comfortable in school, but the feeling of unease still sticks with them as they go through the higher grades. (AND this only happens when the two only have one grade left in that school.)

BUT! That is the entire story, and the current AU takes place when the school hasn’t shaped up yet, but Lila has started complaining. So currently, the main struggle the boys face is school. That’s kind of the main problem they’re facing. Otherwise, they’re living pretty darn good lives right now.

#btw I have GAD #to be completely transparent my ability to portray a character with anxiety is bc I am riddled w it #you’re welcome pump #and I’m also so sorry #also I’ve debated with myself about having them both be on the spectrum #I cannot decide even tho it’s been YEARS #anyway as usual thank y’all so much for sticking around #even though I’ve been posting super infrequently #I’ve been going through a lot #but still all comments and asks give me life and they’re always appreciated #spooky month spooky family au #spooky family au #spooky month #spooky month au #spooky month skid and pump #skid and pump #sr pelo spooky month #warriorrazor ask

[byanyan]

ㅤat this point, they're beyond wasted and vibing out to music that's too loud with several substances on standby for when the buzz starts wearing off. happy new year!!

#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ic status ⋮ fighting a fight i'll win anyway. #excuse to make use of this gif bc it's one of my faves? maybe. #but mostly i don't want to make an ooc post bc i don't much care for new years #THAT SAID....... i do actually have a goal for this year #and that's to finally ACTUALLY take fucking steps toward getting a diagnosis so that i can maybe start to be a functioning human being #for the first time in far far too long #at this point i'm p sure i'm on the autism spectrum and/or adhd and only having treatment for depression & anxiety #and having psychs guess at MAYBE things like bpd are the underlying main issue #then not actually doing anything about it #has royally fucked over my quality of life since middle school (: #i don't like talking much about my life bc it's genuinely so embarrassing #but i figure maybe baring a little of my soul will help encourage me to finally take steps forward. #this is basically my happy place. my retreat. my escape. #and byan has effectively become my comfort character and a bit of an outlet #so while i'm out here crying about shit i just want to say a huge thank you to all of you lovely mutuals who have kept me company #and put up with my sharp and glittery little freak and given me all these amazing relationships for them #i'd be doin a whole lot worse if not for y'all you have no idea #thank you i love you and here's to hoping that 2024 is good and a better mental health year for all of us ♡♡♡ #...there's a good chance i'll be embarrassed enough to delete all these tags later tbh #but i'm in basically the last time zone to hit midnight so it's probably late enough that most people won't see it anyway lmao

[okidenshi]

Not that I fully admire the guy or anything, but the more I learn about Walt Disney being REALLY into trains I have to wonder like.... was the man... on the spectrum, mayhaps....

#like in general his interest in Things That Move in a mechanical sense feels similar to how myself and a lot of other ppl on the spectrum #tend to gravitate towards Learning About X thing and how it Works #anywho this is a random thought thanks #okidenshi randomness

[sibelin]

what are your top goth bands? :0

hii! if it's goth as in goth rock, i'd probably go with Corpus Delicti / Virgin Prunes / Pink Turns Blue but if it's a broader definition, i'll definitely have to make a better list :')

#thank you for the ask! #it's a difficult question!! i love a lot of very different bands on the goth spectrum! #ask

[and-stir-the-stars]

(I dislike arguing so please dont think im try to do that!) I was just wondering why you think the funtimes were created while evan was alive? I'm pretty sure fnaf 4 was made when scott was trying to made dream theory a thing, which explains mangle. Obviously we're not longer going down that route but there was a point where scott was steering us there. And i was always confused on why the funtimes were made to kill kids so far ahead, idk though

(Oh no this is very long my apologies! Also i do genuinely want to hear your opinion! :D!!)

-theorist anon

oh, the genuine answer as to why I think the Funtimes were already created while Evan is alive is because I think it's more interesting that way. It's not rooted in canon whatsoever; I just think Evan and Mike's story is more interesting if Liz's death caused a rift between them and if William was a killer from the start, rather than Liz dying later after William was "triggered" into being a killer by Evan's death.

I get the feeling this ask is in response to this post tho:

I don't get why people argue the Funtimes weren't created until after Evan died if there's literally a Mangle toy/prototype in Elizabeth’s room while Evan is clearly still alive

I've seen people say that there is "no possible way" Elizabeth could have died first because the Funtimes weren't made until after Evan died, since Evan's death is what made William want to get Remnant, and I don't think that's necessarily true.

I 100% agree with you that the toy in Liz's room was originally meant to be another clue to dream theory. That's what the original intent was, but like you said, the story Scott wanted to tell has changed and dream theory is no longer the "Right" interpretation (if it ever truly was; having a "Right" interpretation is a pretty subjective and meaningless concept in a fandom like fnaf).

So, taking the "Evan saw a couple of broken toys in Liz's room, including a broken Funtime Foxy, and his brain created The Mangle as a nightmare in fnaf 2" out of the mix, then other (all equally valid) interpretations include:

similar to the Toy animatronic models, the Funtimes first existed as toys. Then sometime after Evan's death, William recreated those toys as actual animatronics for CB Pizza World

The Funtimes already existed and had their own line of toys before Evan died

William was still in the planning phase for the Funtime animatronics during 1983, and they were still being created at the time of Evan's death. We do see the Funtimes blueprints, but we don't necessarily know whether the blueprints we saw detailing their murderous features were the originals (as in the Funtimes were always designed to kill even before Evan died) or if they were redesigns with tweaked modifications William put in later (as in William added the murderous features after Evan died, but the Funtimes weren't originally intended to be Death Machines).

or some other theory that i haven't thought of or seen others talk about

So, since dream theory is no longer the direction the story is heading in, I think the existence of the Mangle toy in Liz's room shows that it IS possible that the Funtimes already existed while Evan is alive, though I'll admit that the Funtimes only being toys or William still being in the planning phase for building the Funtimes in 1983 are also valid options to explain why Liz would have a Funtime Foxy/Mangle toy in 1983. It just so happens that "the Funtimes already existed" is the most interesting option to me, so that's what I'm going with :)

#also i vaaaaaastly appreciate you taking the time to point out that you just genuinely wanted to hear my thoughts /gen #tone can be difficult to interpret in text and i have a tendency to get defensive so that meant a lot to me anon #definitely saved me a lot of anxiety and stress and i cannot thank you enough for that lol #i've just seen a lot of people (mostly youtubers tbh) completely toss aside the idea that the funtimes could #exist so early in the timeline and it's like?? maybe? but there's other equally valid interpretations out there my guy #it honestly just depends on where you fall on the ''william was a killer from the start'' to ''william became #a killer specifically after evan died'' spectrum ig

[uefb]

The Business of Worrying (link)

A story about Newt’s first year at Hogwarts, featuring communication, bizarre wizarding expectations of ability, autism, ableism, nonverbal magic, and accessibility. (Also, with a side of 'Hogwarts is a Mess' and 'Complicated Families are Complicated'.) Starts at age 5, and ends at age 12.

SUMMARY: Newt has always had plenty of people worrying about him, so he doesn't bother with it much himself. But that doesn't mean things are always easy; and just because talking doesn't come to him naturally doesn't mean he has nothing to offer, or nothing to say at all. Luckily—sometimes—people manage to recognise that. Over time, though, Newt realises it's more important he simply believe it himself.

Opening Scene:

Newt is five-and-three-quarter years old when his mother takes him to St. Mungo’s for the first time. 

The day before had been a “disaster” and the Underage Magic Officers had very crossly told his parents they needed to “figure something out”. That command had apparently been what sparked his mum to gently wrestle him into his cleanest trousers and the itchy sweater with no holes that morning, before rushing him through their chores, tossing him an apple, and carting him off to London. She’s knelt before him, now, with that smile on her face that makes his heart beat like hippogriff wings on a late summer updraft, and she promises him over and over again that everything will be alright.

“Just try your best to talk so they can help you. Let them inside that brilliant little mind of yours. Think you can do that, cinnamon?”

They meet his aunt-the-mediwitch in the hospital lobby, and then Newt is ushered up behind her to the Children’s Ward, placed in a room with his mother seated behind him and a woman he doesn’t know across the table in front. 

The chair is too big and his legs are too small and he does not want to answer her questions. 

After several long minutes of discomfort, he lets his gaze drift to the wall and he pretends he is somewhere else ( anywhere —the doxy nest in the back garden); and when he starts paying attention again, he is suddenly and viscerally aware that his mother is crying. She’s pulled up her chair to sit directly beside him, and she is leaning slightly forward—toward the healer, who frowns at him—and she is vibrating with the kind of repressed and desperate energy he gets himself when he very much wants to leap for the next branch but knows (with his brother watching, for example) that it would be entirely inappropriate.

“Once a week, I think, Mrs. Scamander, should break him of the quiet.”

Newt blinks, watches the quivering reflection of the charmed lights on the enamel table top, swings a leg in agitation. 

“His father can be like this, though... Isn’t it possible he’ll grow out of it? That’s normal for children, isn’t it? Things like this?”

The healer he doesn’t know is rocking her head back and forth as if considering, and he thinks she looks a bit like a plimpie, bobbing about when stuck in an eddy.

“And your husband, when he was a child…” the healer is kindly saying, in the sort of voice Mother reserves for skittish hippogriffs. “Has your mother-in-law reported this kind of accidental magic? This single-minded mania?”

Newt looks up at his mum and watches her shake her head and bite her lip (No… No, nothing quite the same… ); and there is a part of Newt that wants to crawl into her lap and pet her head the way he does the stray dogs in the village, when they duck away from contact and skitter fast into the shadows. 

But he does not know this place so he does not move.  

They’re talking again, and Newt does not like it here, and he wishes his father were there with his steady voice, and firm grip; the enchanted paper he’d taught Newt to use to communicate when his words are a fog in his mind (but he wasn’t allowed to bring it today because the point was to talk ), but Dad is at work so he’ll see him at home.

“Well, we’ve no way to know about that,” the stranger-healer is saying when he starts paying attention again. “But if something happens again—like yesterday—it would be the Ward’s recommendation to admit Newton for observation.”

His mother is crying particularly hard now — she sounds like she’s choking on something very big and very important, perhaps even her heart, he thinks — and Newt feels that buzzing anxiety just beneath his skin, and he shakes his hands out from his wrists to stop the magic.

No one notices.

“Mrs. Scamander, I’ve sent a note to be placed in his file at the Improper Use of Magic Office, that his parents are reacting appropriately to the Ministry’s concerns.”

His mum pulls a handkerchief embroidered with flowers and griffins from her coat pocket, and she dabs her eyes and is herself again. Newt doesn’t look at the healer, but he watches her press some papers into his mother’s hands, listens as she rattles off the date he is meant to come back.

(Newt distinctly does not want to come back.)

His mother hasn’t carried him in years—not since he got too big to ride pick-a-back as she worked in the barn—but she scoops him up anyway as they leave the office, hefts him onto her hip as she says goodbye to her sister-the-mediwitch at the door to the Children’s Ward, floo’s them to his father’s department at the Ministry so they can all go out for lunch. 

His dad even clocks out early to take him to the menagerie and the bookstore after they eat. 

It is when Newt is on his tiptoes peering inside a terrarium that he suddenly realises his mum has begun to cry again, but this time it seems to be because he won’t stop talking (asking the man behind the counter if he can please see the kneazles! and telling him all about the horklumps he’s been studying in the garden).

It makes no sense, so Newt clings to his father’s hand and pretends it is not happening.

#There's a lot more hopeful and less angsty things in here too #mind the gentle content warning in the ao3 link if you're on the spectrum #my stuff #fic: the business of worrying #newt scamander #young newt scamander #autistic newt scamander #semispeaking autism #semiverbal autism #remember - you don't have to grow up to write a book that changes a field to be worth of life and respect so #just a friendly neighborhood disclaimer #also - i owe so many people so many comments on fics and so many responses to messages and asks #but my own words are really low right now and i'm struggling in school which is absolutely why i therapeutically wrote this so #thank you for your patience lmao #uefb rambles in the tags #fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts fanfict