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thepaintedlady00 · 1 year

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Nightshade

Chapter 9 | Chapter 11

Chapter 10: The Idiots

TW: Jake's kind of an asshole at the beginning of this, more Howard ick, a bit of jealous Lena, a bit of jealous Jake, one very heated make-out session (lots of biting and lipstick stains 👀), sassy Sasha, Simone's a bitch (as usual), Jake's making progress with his shitty coping mechanisms this chapter, a nice calm ending before the spice storm.

Quinn stared at me as she sat on my bed, her eyes wide and mouth curled into a giant smile. “Say it again!”

“Jake kissed me.” I was breathless, clutching onto the giant tiger and awkwardly standing in my bedroom. Every inch of me tingled with an odd sense of numbness… One produced from my absolute shock and complete realization of just how fucked I was.

Prue was still squealing from the living room as she rushed to make snacks so I could tell them all the details with something for them to munch on. Then, finally, Quinn fell back onto my bed. “God, I’m fucking amazing!”

“Jake kissed me,” I muttered again, the numbness wearing off, and the crushing anxiety of what had happened hit me. I dropped the tiger to the floor and cupped my cheeks in my slightly chilled hands. “Oh my god, I kissed him back!”

“I’d hope so!” Quinn replied, looking me over. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Yes,” I answered. “No! I mean…” With a deep sigh, I looked at the tiger at my feet. “Yes, but it’s just so…” Complicated.

I remembered little about the drive back into the city, mainly the distance between Jake and me. He’d left with the rest of the group without speaking to me. I hadn’t heard from him since, not a reply to my goodnight text. Then, Quinn began apologizing for the limo digging up bad memories.

My heart hadn’t stopped hammering since the kiss, since the look we shared after. Nothing would be the same as it was before, and it terrified me. But, of course, I was used to bad-boy bartenders and their reputations among women, so hearing about Jake’s salacious history within and outside the restaurant wasn’t shocking. I didn’t hold it against him; I’d done the exact thing plenty of times. But it did make this particular situation difficult.

If I’d just been interested in the sex, then all this would have been so easy! But it wasn’t about that, not now that I knew Jake. I wanted him in every filthy and carnal way… But I wanted to be with him just as badly. The pull between us was electric and wild, the perfect storm for sex, but what happened after the deed was done? What happened when Jake finally conquered the feisty redhead that had been shutting down his advances from day one?

“I can’t sleep with him,” I whispered, fear nearly erasing the elated feeling in my chest.

Quinn groaned. “Oh, come on! This has been months in the making, Lena! Why can’t you just-”

“Because he’s going to move on, Quinn!” I shouted. “He’s gonna get what he wants and move on to the next girl. And I…”

My friend’s face softened as she pulled me into a hug. “Jake likes you, Lena. I know he does.”

Simone’s words filled my head, and the so sure smug look on her face taunted me. “I don’t want to lose him… I can’t…”

“It’s okay,” she assured me. “It’s gonna be okay because he is heading over heels for you. He doesn’t just want to fuck you. He wants you.”

“How do you know?” I asked quietly.

Quinn smudged my cheeks and smiled. “Just… Trust me. Okay?”

“Okay…” She wouldn’t stand here and give me false hope for no reason. Quinn must’ve known something I didn’t, or that look in her eyes and the way she sounded so sure wouldn’t have eased my fear.

Prue jumped into the bed, nearly spilling the popcorn she had cooked all over it. Then, with a bright smile, she signed, “Start from the beginning!”

With Quinn’s hand in mine, the anxious fear slowly faded, and a hopeful, maybe idiotic joy took over as I told my friends every detail about the kiss I’d shared with my coworker, Jake… the boy I liked.

Jake kept as much distance as he could between himself and Lena until he finally got a chance to leave. He went home where no one could see how visibly shaken he was. This is ridiculous, he scolded himself. How many women had he kissed before tonight? Hundreds! He wasn’t some virgin, nor was he inexperienced in workplace affairs. But this felt different… All of it.

Kissing her had been impulsive, but after hearing her admit that she’d wanted him to do it during that dumb game, how could he not? He’d almost done it then… He almost couldn’t stop himself from kissing her there in front of their coworkers and her friends. Jake had waited, thinking it wasn’t what she wanted… But it was. Lena wanted him to kiss her, and he couldn’t deny that he wanted to kiss her too, had for a long time.

That kiss… It was better than he expected. Even the thought of it lingering in his mind made him feel heavy with lust and the purely sinful desire to show up at Lena’s door and kiss her. He was heavy with the want to kiss her until they both grew tired of it, which Jake was convinced would be never. Not for him, at least. As he lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, watching the lights from his windows flash on it, all he could see was her face. Her perfume lingered on his jacket, swarming around him in a cocoon of cherry, making it hard for him not to imagine her here, lying in his bed… doing much more than sharing one little kiss.

Lust was a feeling he was used to, but there was something more significant that absolutely terrified him. He liked Lena. He liked her personality, fun, feisty, and kind. He liked how she thought, how insanely smart and equally badass she was. Jake liked how she laughed, scrunched up her nose, and smiled so wide it looked like her face hurt afterward. Lena was so much more than just another back waiter; she was a person… was someone he cared about, and that wasn’t something he had expected.

He had his fair share of relationships, but those were short affairs. Simone had told him he wasn’t cut out for long-term things. She’d told him more than once he didn’t have the depth to take something as important as a relationship seriously. Simone also contributed some of the blame onto the women he’d chosen to pursue. All young and naive, without a clue as to how to handle him in any capacity. “They’ll never know you like I know you,” she’d say. “How did you expect this to end, Jake? It wasn’t going to work out, not when you can’t be bothered to hold anything sacred.” Simone was right - she always was. He didn’t have the capacity to love anything but her, and that was only because Simone put up with his selfish bullshit when most people would’ve left a long time ago.

Lena wasn’t like most of the women he pursued. She wasn’t naive or too young. Instead, she matched him well, burning like a steady flame that made him want to follow her into utter darkness. The past few months being showered in her friendship and included in her tight-knit group of friends, family, and weird drug dealers had made Jake feel more alive and accepted than he’d ever felt. And, on top of all of that, Lena knew more about him than anyone, save Simone, did. She’d helped him without judgment after he stumbled to her drunk, high, and blubbering about his dead mom. She’d taken care of him without asking anything in return, and then she’d let him follow her around all day. He knew her too, he realized. He’d witnessed her at her lowest point and pulled her out of the freezing ocean.

What he had with Lena differed from what he had with everyone else. The only relationship he could compare it to was the one he shared with Simone, but even that felt wrong… Even that wasn’t the same. Simone’s love was cold and filled with constant nagging, judgments, and hiding. They switched between lovers and siblings and a mother and son. Lena’s lov - friendship was warm, accepting, and full of fun and support. They’d agreed on being friends, but… That leap to lovers, that pull between them shouting that this was more, had always been there. They were so different, yet he could feel that pull tethering him to the redheaded woman just as he’d been tethered to Simone. It scared him, but what scared him more was the all too real possibility that he’d just fucked everything up tonight by kissing her.

He wasn’t prepared to face her again, possibly have her reject him or abandon him completely. And so, lying in his bed, Jake looked at the small green frog and resigned himself to following the same plan he always did. He’d ignore her, brush her off, and put distance between them to lessen the ultimate blow of her departure from his life. He stared at the screen of his phone, at the simple goodnight she’d sent him, for a long moment before he rolled over, leaving it behind him.

That night Jake mourned a loss that hadn’t even happened yet because that was easier than hoping for more. It was easier to accept he wasn’t capable of love or being loved, especially by someone like her.

Quinn and Prue left after breakfast, knowing I had to swing by Ozzy’s to help Patrick move inventory before I headed to work. Even just the thought made my body tingle. I’d spent hours freaking out over what-ifs until I’d decided to just give in to Quinn’s advice and face the music head-on. Jake was still going to be Jake. Sarcastic, flirty, and every bit the bad boy bartender I’d been friends with for months.

I’d showered and tossed on a simple T-shirt scouring for pants and unintentionally reminding myself of his shitty marker tattoo that he’d quickly scribbled on my skin. The longer I looked at it, the more I liked it. The mermaid almost perfectly held the heart with the little J in her hands. I smoothed my finger over it, reassuringly that he wouldn’t have drawn something so intimate for nothing.

The slightly on-edge walk to The Ring wasn’t at all helpful in calming my buzzing nerves. Peter sat behind the front counter, a cat curled up on his lap as he read his book. Lifting his head, he offered me a lazy smile. “Pat’s changing. How was Quinn’s party last night?”

“It was good,” I answered. “Dinner, drinks, coney island. Quinn stuff.”

He took one look at my face and smirked. “Kiss any cute boys while you were busy with Quinn’s stuff?”

I scoffed, shifting on my feet. “Quinn told you?”

“Nah, I just know you better than anyone. It’s written all over your face.” He closed his book and sat up, carefully keeping the cat comfortable. “So, was it everything you’d been fantasizing about?”

“You don’t even know who I kissed.”

“Pleeaasseee!” He laughed. “Ignoring the blatantly obvious sex dream, I’ve seen you and Jake in a room together, little sis. That tension was bound to snap back at some point.”

Damn him. “It was…” For a second, I considered brushing it off with a simple fine, but Peter would see straight through that. “It was perfect.”

With a smile and a nod, he relaxed. “Good. I’m assuming he was a perfect gentleman about it.”

“Don’t know yet. We didn’t get a chance to talk about it after.

“Well,” he started. “If he’s an ass, just give me a call, and Pat and I will give him a stern talking to.”

“I hardly need you two for that.”

Peter shrugged. “Yeah, but it’d be fun.”

I shook my head, chuckling at my brother’s antics. “You shouldn’t think threatening boys I like is fun.”

“Oh, so he’s a boy you like now?” His smile widened. “Bout damn time. We were all getting tired of playing along with your dumb little game.”

“Shut up.”

Patrick barreled down the stairs, quickly moving through the gym toward the back with a breathless nod. “We gotta hurry. Oz is on his way!”

“Shit!” I hissed, jogging to join him.

The bar deliveries always dropped things off at the very front of the bar, next to the front door. If it hadn’t been for Dom and his gang frequenting the place, we were reasonably sure it’d get stolen every week, but lucky for us, having a badass biker gang like you has its perks. Patrick dragged the boxes to the back, where I quickly opened them and started shoving things in their rightful places. We’d gotten almost all of them unpacked before Ozzy’s voice boomed through the bar. “Oi! What the hell are you two doin’ here so damn early?”

Patrick and I peeked our heads up from the other side of the bar. “It was all her idea, Oz!”

“Like hell it was you copperhead moron!” I shouted back, slapping his shoulder.

“She’s been on my ass for weeks about helpin’ you out,” Patrick continued.

My mouth fell open. “Oh, yeah, well, Patrick’s been calling me every morning to talk about sneaking vitamins into your food!”

Ozzy held up his hands, waving them between us until we grew quiet. “Good lord,” he huffed. “You two are worse than your father! Always sneakin’ around tryin’ to do more work than me.”

“Oz,” I started.

“Shut it,” he ordered lovingly. “I appreciate your concerns and your help. I ain’t as young as I used to be, and having you two idiots around to help pick up some of the slack ain’t too bad.”

Patrick looked at me with a thin smile. “So you’re gonna let us help out?”

“Hell no,” Ozzy replied with a deep laugh as he ushered us out the door with a wink. “Now get the hell out and worry about your own damn problems!”

“Stubborn ass,” I sighed.

“I heard that!”

Patrick shook his head, scratching the back of his neck. “Well, guess we’re gonna have to double down on the efforts.”

“He’s not gonna make this easy,” I warned. “We’ll probably have to switch to end-of-the-day stuff to fly under the radar for a while.”

“Smart,” he replied. “So, how was your kiss at coney island?”

I scoffed at him. “Unbelievable. Is it really that easy to tell?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Quinn told me. She was at Nana’s this morning when Oz left to head down here, so she gave me a heads-up and clued me in on your little Ferris Wheel makeout session.”

“You guys are so fucking annoying,” I complained, checking the time as we returned to the gym. “I gotta head out. Have a good day,” I hollered, giving Peter a quick pat as I rushed out the door.

The whole walk to 22West consisted of me doing my best not to freak out over seeing Jake again after our kiss. It was a kiss. One. And yeah, we both obviously liked it, but it shouldn’t change anything between us. He was my friend. Surely he knew that.

I wove around the kitchen and went up the stairs to the locker room, where Jake stood, quietly buttoning up his shirt. My heart raged within my chest as I swallowed my anxiety and walked into the room, opening my locker and frowning slightly. Usually, he’d try sneaking his jacket into my locker, but there it was, empty, save for my bag of extra clothes at the bottom. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Hey,” I greeted, turning to look at him. Jake barely glanced back at me before he closed his locker and silently made his way out of the room. With a silent huff of air, I shook my head. “How was your night?” I asked myself, bitter frustration making my voice waver. “Oh, it was fine. Thanks so much for asking. Hey, we should probably talk about that kiss.” I shook my head, letting it fall onto the lockers beside mine. “Goddamn it.”

Isaac slid into the room, glancing between the stairs and me. “Everything okay?”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think it is.”

“Anything I can do?” He asked, quietly setting his hand on my back.

“No,” I answered, looking at him with a forced smile. “Thanks, though.”

He bumped my shoulder. “Anytime, Red.”

Service felt slower than usual today. Scott put me in charge of plating, instructing me not to let a single dish go out without looking perfect. So I stood at the little metal table separating me from the servers and the dining room beyond, carefully wiping plates and handing them off to the servers. It was a slightly tedious task that required a lot of attention to detail. Still, I was good at it, having been shown exactly how each dish should look by the awry bitch that made the menu. Simone seemed happier than usual as well. She offered me soft, smug smiles whenever she picked up her dishes.

“Lena,” Howard called into the kitchen as he came sweeping in through the doors. “I need you to help run tables tonight.”

I quickly stripped myself of my apron and shrugged off my cooking coat. “Something going on?”

He smiled tightly. “It seems we’ve had another slight scheduling mishap.”

“How bad?”

“Nothing too horrible,” he assured me. “But I’d feel much better with your capable hands on the floor.”

I smiled. “You got it, boss.”

He set a hand on my arm, looking down at me for a moment. “Be careful not to fall.”

Rolling my eyes, I squeezed his hand and hurried out the doors with plates of food balanced perfectly on my arms. The dining room was full, packed with people who looked slightly put off by the slow service. I hurried through the chaos and did the job perfectly, only stopping to strip some of the tables on the second floor once the guests had left.

From the second floor, I could see Simone slide up to the bar with that fucking smile. She and Jake conversed for a moment, not unusual for them, but after receiving his cold shoulder in the locker room, the sight of him smiling at her and chuckling at whatever she’d said made my blood boil. The blonde woman vanished into the kitchen, mumbling about finding a specific bottle of wine for one of her tables when the front door opened and a woman quietly made her way to the bar.

“Hey, Jake,” he hadn’t expected to hear the soft voice again as he looked up to find Tess standing in front of the bar, picking at her fingers nervously.

He didn’t know what to say or do, not after how they’d left things and all she’d put him and Simone through. His teeth ground painfully together. “What are you doing here?”

That smile he once found cute and comforting fell. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you.”

“And I think I’ve made it clear I don’t wanna talk.”

“Jake,” she huffed. “Just give me five minutes, please?”

No. He wanted to say the word more than anything, but something inside him… something he’d pushed so far down he thought it would never come back to the surface urged him to say yes. With a stiff nod, he dropped what he was doing, snapping his fingers at the first person that walked by toward the kitchen. Lena. Of course, it had to fucking be her. Her green eyes met his, and he felt like he was about to fall apart at the forced look of boredom they held, mirroring how she’d looked at him before they’d become friends. “Cover me for a minute.”

She glanced at Tess but slid behind the bar anyway, jumping into work beside Nicky with ease as he practically dragged Tess out of the restaurant to spare Simone the pain of seeing her again. “What do you want?”

“I want to apologize,” she answered. “I’ve wanted to for a while now.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he replied coldly. “You did what you did and lost your job here for it.”

“Do you get why I did it, though?” she asked, big brown eyes looking up at him pleadingly.

Jake shook his head. “No, I don’t, and I don’t give a shit.”

“I did it because I care about you, Jake,” she insisted.

“Care about me?” he laughed dryly. “You went behind my back, you fucked Howard, and you tried to get Simone fired!”

Tess’s lips pulled into a thin line. “I know how it sounds… I didn’t really know what the fuck I was doing, but-”

“You were doing what you wanted,” he told her, unimpressed. “That’s fine, do whatever you want; just don’t expect a pity party to roll into town when shit catches up to you.”

“Just…” she sighed. “Meet me at Home Bar tonight? I want to talk… want to explain things to you, so you understand why I did it.”

He shook his head. “I. Don’t. Care.”

“Yes, you do. You’ve always cared, Jake. Please, just… come?”

“Fine.”

She let out a breath of relief. “Thank-”

Jake turned on his heel and walked back inside the restaurant, ignoring the newly dug-up pain that Tess’ unexpected visit brought up within him. For a moment, he took relief in seeing Lena behind the bar with Nicky, but then he remembered the kiss and the cold shoulder he gave her to avoid the inevitable. Her green eyes met his as he slid back behind the bar.

“You can go,” he said, so tense he almost couldn’t get the words out.

“Are you okay?”

Fucking… Why did she have to care? “I’m fine. Go back to the kitchen.”

“That how it’s gonna be?” She asked, forcing eye contact with him. Forcing him to see the plain hurt and anger that stared back at him.

“Get back to work.”

In an instant, she closed herself off, bored disinterest retaking her face and shining back in her eyes as she shrugged past him. “Alright then.”

Jake closed his eyes, trying to ignore how brushing her off brought a sting to his chest. He couldn’t do this. “Fuck.”

“Who is she?” I asked Nicky, nodding to the window where the girl and Jake stood.

“Tess,” Nicky answered, not even looking. “She was a back waiter a few months before you got hired.”

“I’m assuming they were close, judging by the particularly grumpy pout he’s sporting.”

“All I know is that they got together, and shortly after, she… got close… with Howard, tried to get Simone fired, and basically burned all bridges with him.”

“Shit,” I breathed out, serving a drink. “Sounds complicated.”

Nicky nodded. “Tell me about it.”

Concern filled my lungs as Jake stormed back into the restaurant, quickly returning behind the bar. “You can go,” he said, almost through his teeth.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Go back to the kitchen.”

I scoffed, looking up at him with an angry, quirked brow. “That how it’s gonna be?”

“Get back to work.”

“Alright then.” I brushed past him and went back to work. If Jake wanted to play this game, he’d do it alone.

Service continued to rage, but now I could feel the familiar weight of Jake’s eyes following me every time I entered the dining room. What the fuck is his problem? I thought to myself, rapidly clearing another table. It was one fucking kiss. One good kiss… It… I shook my head. It doesn’t matter. The whole thing was stupid. I ignored the disappointment and the feeling of my fears being confirmed in favor of getting through the night with my head held high. Jake wasn’t the first dumb pretty boy to brush me off, and I refused to let him get any satisfaction from seeing me crumble.

I helped the kitchen close down, staying to wash dishes beside Santos and Isaac until it appeared that I was the only one left that hadn’t gotten changed. So I headed up to the locker room, that painful pang striking me directly in the chest when it was just Jake and I left alone once again. I changed quickly, not caring if he was going to turn around and peek, too afraid that if I snuck off to the bathroom, I’d miss an attempt of his to reach out and talk to me.

When that didn’t happen after I finished putting my pants on, I looked at the back of his head, watching and waiting for him to do anything but stand there and ignore me. He was already dressed, save his jacket, but still, he just stood there in front of his locker, refusing to look at me. Finally, with a frustrated sigh, I moved. Fuck this. I slammed his locker shut and glared up at him. “Are you seriously gonna pull this shit?”

“What?” he demanded.

“You’ve been avoiding me all day, and every time I’ve tried to talk to you, you’ve been an ass.” I shook my head. “You kissed me last night. I kissed you back. It’s not that big of a deal. It certainly doesn’t change things and give you the right to be a stuck-up asshole to me.”

Jake’s eyes sparked with something as he turned to look down at me. “It doesn’t?”

I swallowed the urge to kiss his stupid lips. “No, it doesn’t. We’re still friends.”

“Most friends don’t kiss,” he replied, head leaning down ever so slightly. “So, did it change things, or didn’t it?”

“It didn’t change anything,” I hissed angrily.

He smirked. “Well then, when you want another kiss, I’m gonna make you ask me for it.”

Rolling my eyes, I turned away from him. “Good luck with that asshole.”

Storming back down the stairs and out the kitchen doors, I settled into a seat furthest from the bar and closest to the door, waiting to see who was coming to Ozzy’s. But when Prue walked through the door, I knew my plans to run home and hide my disappointed, frustrated anger among my friends, and the bar I knew like the back of my hand, was out the window. Instead, she turned and saw me, quickly sitting across from me to sign. “Hi! How’s your day been?”

“Shit,” I answered.

She looked closer at my face, her brows furrowing. “What happened?”

I nodded to the bar. “Apparently, we’re sixteen-year-olds that can’t have a simple discussion about one dumb kiss without the whole world imploding.” I shook my head. “He’s been an ass all day.”

“Fucking idiot,” Prue replied. “Well, you wanna come with Will and me to the bar they frequent?”

“Not particularly.”

“Please,” she begged. “Apparently, Will’s ex is going to be there tonight, and he wants me to come for support. Buuttt we both know how…” Pausing, she searched for the word.

“Insane,” I offered. “Violent. Crazy. Unhinged.”

Rolling her eyes, she reluctantly nodded. “Yes to all.” She smiled back at Will, who’d just returned from the manager’s office. “You know how I get around people like that. Please come and keep me from jumping this bitch?”

Sparing one last look at the bar and the annoying bartender that just slipped back through the kitchen doors to leave, I sighed and nodded. “Okay. I’ll come.”

“Thank you! Go home and change for a night out! We’ll meet you there.”

I followed Prue’s advice, heading home to change into a simple long-sleeved black dress. It was simple but made my boobs look amazing. It was totally coincidental and not a deliberate precaution I’d taken in case Jake was there. Dressed and ready, I headed out, using my annoyance with Jake to keep the twinge of fear that every loud car and dark silhouette brought me.

They were waiting outside for me, huddled up together like two adorable little birds. Prue’s eyes lit up as she saw me, while Will’s lit up at the sight of her beaming smile and joyful face. “You two are adorable,” I said and signed. “This the shit hole, then?”

Will nodded. “Yep. Home Bar. We used to come here every night, but after you joined the group and introduced us to Jack and Ozzy’s, it’s gotten a bit neglected by us.”

“That’s because my bar’s better,” I teased, following them through the door.

Home Bar was filled with the sounds of a hundred conversations happening at once, accompanied by the loud clack of pool balls striking against one another. It was slightly smaller, with only a few booths and tables to hang around. However, the bar was large and clearly, the focal point as the woman behind it happily mixed drinks and served them to the surrounding crowd. With a tight hand in hers, Will led Prue through the space, and as we neared the back of the room, I saw them.

My coworker’s loudness fit in here, almost causing them to blend into the crowd, but I’d know the feeling of Jake’s eyes anywhere. He sat on the end, likely so he would have access to leave whenever he wanted, with the girl from earlier sitting beside him and Olive sitting at a chair she’d pulled up to the table just so she could be near him. I rolled my eyes and tapped Prue’s shoulder. “So, who’s the ex?”

She nodded to the table, to the brown-haired girl. “That’s her. Tess.”

“Shit,” I sighed, drawing her curiosity. “Apparently, she’s Jake’s ex too.”

Prue’s mouth fell open. “We’re fucked, aren’t we?”

“I think we might be.”

“Well, at least Quinn isn’t here to encourage us.”

We sat in the booth, forcing everyone to smush together, aka Tess and Jake, with Olive leaning entirely into Jake’s free side. I bit the inside of my cheek and forced myself to breathe out the angry, bitter jealousy that burned my lungs. I didn’t have any right to be angry or jealous. Jake wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his.

Sasha smiled at me. “Tiger Bitch! It’s so nice of you to join us here for a change!”

I shrugged. “It’s not so bad here. But I’ve gotta say my bar’s still better.”

“I have to agree,” Ari replied with a smile. “The girls there are cute.”

My eyes met Tess’s as she looked me up and down with a smile before she reached over and offered her hand. “I’m Tess.”

Prue was the one to shake her hand with a wide toothy grin. She pulled back and signed. “I’m Prue. Will’s girlfriend.” She looked over at me. “Will you translate?”

“Of course.” I looked back at Tess while keeping Prue’s hands in view. “She says: I’m Prue. Will’s girlfriend.”

Tess nodded. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Wish I could say the same.”

“She says: Wish I could say the same.” I shook my head and watched Will hide his smile.

With an uncomfortable laugh, Tess nodded. “Guess she’s heard about me, huh?”

I nodded. “Seems so.”

“Who are you?” She asked, looking at me.

“Lena,” I answered. “I started working at 22West a while ago.”

She looked sad for a minute. “That’s good. It’s a special place.”

A special place. I wanted to laugh at her but remembered when I’d once thought the same thing. “It’s just a restaurant.”

Sasha rolled his eyes. “Her auntie is Maddie Glover. She was used to the place long before us, Baby Monster.”

“Your aunt…” she paused, eyes growing even wider. “That means your Jennifer Glover’s daughter!”

Every inch of me tensed at my mother’s name. “Yep.”

Tess smiled, shaking her head in disbelief. “She’s the most sought-after ballet trainers in the world! That’s amazing! You must be really talented not just in the restaurant but in ballet.”

The crack of the stick against my leg stung, but I refused to cry. “Straighten your leg, Lena! For god’s sake, did you not practice at all?!”

“I practiced all night,” I answered, tired and stiff.

I could feel the blood ooze between my toes as my mother shook her head at me with another crack of the stick against my hip. “Again.”

Prue’s hand squeezed mine, slowly easing me out of my head to answer. “Not really.”

Jake’s eyes were on me, and he looked like he cared for the first time all day. Tess sensed the tension but didn’t shut up about ballet for the next hour until Olive became even more apparent with her infatuation with Jake. She set her hand on his leg, whispering something to him with a giggle. I was shocked when he didn’t immediately pull away from her and give her the look of disinterest he always did. Still, when his eyes flashed to mine, smug and full of himself, I realized what he was doing. With a shake of my head, I rose from the table. “I’m gonna get a drink.”

If he wanted to play this game, then I’d play, and I’d make him fucking regret it.

Jake hadn’t expected Olive to be at Home Bar tonight, but for once, he was actually glad she was. She wanted to fuck him still, even after his harsh words at his apartment when she’d shown up with Simone. And he couldn’t think of any better way to rile Lena up than by entertaining the moon-eyed girl. But, of course, he hadn’t expected Tess to get jealous. So there he sat, crowded between the two dark-haired girls as they fawned over his arms and hair and desperately tried to catch and keep his attention.

It was a perfect plan that worked far better than he’d expected. Except for one fact. Lena. She’d gotten up to get a drink and stayed at the bar, just within earshot. So Jake only had a view of her back and the face of the new man who had saddled beside her, offering her another drink. It’d been thirty minutes of men coming and going from her side, all eventually returning with a new glass and compliment and crowding around her like moths to a flame. She flirted back, drinking slowly and shifting her hair over her shoulder to further expose the deep cut of her dress and the silky skin of her neck.

He watched her giggle at their stupid jokes and squeeze their arms as she laughed with a tight jaw. Every time she happened to glance over her shoulder at the table, he’d lean over to whisper in Tess’s ear or tuck Olive’s hair out of her eyes, hoping those small acts would be enough to make her break, but they weren’t.

Lena was pissed off at him, so she was out for blood. She wasn’t going to break. So Jake did. He slid out of the booth and shrugged off his jacket, setting it on the table in front of Olive’s chair before he made his way toward the bar with only one goal in sight. Her.

Jake slid in between the man at the bar and me, his dark eyes staring down at me for a minute before he leaned in and whispered, “Excuse yourself to the bathroom.”

“What?” I asked sweetly, making that burn of jealousy in his eyes glow as he shook his head and gently took my hand to lead me from the bar toward the bathrooms.

Once he shoved the door open and quickly shut it behind us, he turned to me, leaning back against it with a simple tilt. “What are you doing?”

I shrugged, tucking a loose strand of my hair back. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh, please.” He chuckled. “You’ve been batting your eyelashes at every guy you pass and rubbing their arms and playing with their hair like you’re some doe-eyed dream girl looking to fuck one of them.”

“And you’re not doing the exact same thing?” I retorted. “Or do you just brush every girl’s hair out of her eyes and lean in to whisper in their ears?”

His smirk was unbearable as he said. “I thought that kiss meant nothing.”

“Stop pretending like you’re not fucking heated seeing every guy in this shit hole fawn over me,” I scoffed at him, taking a step forward. “I have eyes.”

Jake smirked wider, eyebrows rising as he matched my bold step forward. “I’ve got eyes too, princess, and you’re just as fucking jealous of Tess and Olive.”

“I don’t have any reason to be jealous of your two little groupies,” I insisted.

“Cause you think you could have me whenever you wanted me, I know,” he nodded, encouragement filling his voice as he whispered, “Ask then.”

My chest heaved as my heart raced beneath my skin. “What?”

He closed the space between us, backing me against the sink. “Oh, come on, princess, you were so confident just a second ago. Say it.” His eyes were dark, black against the shitty dim lights of the bathroom. “Say it, or I will.”

“Kiss me again.” I barely had time to get the words out before Jake followed the desperate command behind them.

His head ducked down the rest of the way, lips pressing to mine. My body molded to his, arching up into him as his hands took hold of my hips and pushed me back into the cold, stained porcelain of the sink. When his teeth tugged on my bottom lip, my mouth fell open with a sharp gasp that had him smirking. I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him back down for another dizzying kiss, stroking my tongue along his to taste the remnants of his drink.

Tugging at his hair, Jake groaned into my mouth, the deep sound vibrating right down to my core. I pulled away, gasping for air as his hands pulled at the sleeves of my top, lips, and tongue trailing down my neck until his teeth wrapped around my collarbone. I saw the bathroom door open from the corner of my eye and watched Olive’s eyes grow even larger.

We stared at one another for a moment. The pure rush of satisfaction her deflated face brought me mingled with the pleasure of Jake’s lips. I held her eyes, pulling Jake’s head up. I glanced briefly at his gorgeous eyes and slightly puffy lips before I tucked my head into his neck and wrapped my teeth around the skin beneath his ear. A deep, possessive part of me took over, nipping and sucking until a dark mark stood out against his skin. I kissed his jaw until Jake’s entire right side was covered in bite marks and the light tint of my lipstick.

He brought his hands up to my face, cradling it for a moment before he pulled my hair free of the small clip and crashed his mouth against mine. I didn’t care if Olive was still watching. I didn’t care about anything but his lips on mine. His hands caressed and squeezed my flesh as he pulled away again to return his attention to my neck and the top of my half-covered breasts.

My head tipped back, hands fisting in Jake’s hair and clothes as a soft moan of his name slid past my lips, “Jake.”

“God, Lena,” he groaned.

“Oh. My. God.” A voice said from the doorway, pulling Jake and me away from one another to look. Sasha sauntered in, a broad smile on his face as he looked at both of our disheveled states. “Thank the white baby Jesus! I was worried you two would drag this out and cost me a hundred dollars!”

“Get the fuck out, Sahsa!” Jake growled, positioning his body in front of mine, reminding me of the compromising state of my top. I tugged my sleeves back up and ensured my breasts were covered again before gently pushing against Jake.

His jaw ticked as he let me slide by to slap Sasha’s arms, yelling at him in Russian as I ushered him out the door and closed it with a sigh. “So… uh…”

“That was…” We started at the same time. Jake leaned back against the sink, looking at me for a long minute before he spoke again, “I’m sorry for today. I was an ass.”

“Yeah, you were,” I answered. “Are… are we okay now, though?”

The look in his eyes said no… it said there was still so much between us that was left unsaid that he couldn’t tell me for sure if we could go back to being “just friends,” but Jake nodded. “We’re okay.”

I looked down at my feet and sighed. “You were right. That kiss, and the one we just got caught up in… it does change things. I don’t… I don’t know in what way yet, but I don’t want it to cost me our friendship.”

“It won’t,” he assured me. “It was a good kiss.”

“Which one?” I asked, quirking a brow.

Jake smiled. “Both. I’d invite you back to my place, but I have a feeling I know what your answer would be.”

I bit my lip. You don’t, I wanted to say, knowing full well if Jake asked me to come home with him… if he kissed me again, I wouldn’t be able to say no. I wouldn’t want to say no. “Not tonight.”

“Not tonight?” He asked with a tilt of his head. He straightened up and moved closer, pressing me slightly back against the door as he looked down at me with a smirk, tugging on a loose curl before tucking it behind my ear. “That your way of saying I’ve got a shot?”

My eyes drank in his disheveled hair, the light tint of my lip marks against his neck, and the dark hickey I’d left beneath his ear. Then, finally, I shrugged as I reached up to wipe some lipstick off his jaw. “You might want to clean yourself up.”

He nodded. “I doubt it’ll help now that Sasha’s seen us.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled.

“You headed out?”

“Yep. It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow.”

Jake glanced at my lips briefly before he leaned back and said, “Goodnight, Lena.”

I smiled up at him, slowly stepping away to open the door. “Goodnight, Jake.”

I returned to the table where everyone sat, now all whispering about the juicy gossip Sasha had just told them. Prue looked up at me with a smile. “Heading out?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I’ve gotta get some sleep.”

“Sweet dreams,” she replied, signing almost too quick for me to catch the, “About Jake,” she added at the end.

I shook my head, leaning on the table slightly to say goodbye to Will. There beneath my hand was the smooth leather of Jake’s jacket. With a sly grin, I slipped it off the table and shoved my arms through it. Tess glared at me from her seat across the table. “That’s Jake’s jacket.”

“Is it?” I asked with a knowing smile as I turned, catching Jake’s eyes as he emerged from the bathroom and giving him a smug wink before heading out the door and into the slightly chilled night.

The next day at work was a pleasant surprise. Nicky had the day off - an occurrence that happened absolutely never - which put me behind the bar with Jake. After the family meal, we migrated to the bar together, laughing at some stupid joke one of us had told. He settled into his usual spot, slicing one of the garnishes. “Alright, since you’re so new to this, I’ll give you a few pointers.”

I smirked over my shoulder as I finished stacking the clean glasses. “Oh, please! I can’t believe I’m finally getting the chance to be beneath the master bartender!”

“You coulda been beneath me at any point,” he teased. “Still can, just say the word.”

“Are you going to flirt with me, or are you going to teach me your special tricks?”

Jake bit his lip, letting his eyes wander. “I’m sure I can do both.”

I shook my head at him, finishing my job and sliding beside him, just a hair too close. “Well, come on then, teach me something.”

With a breathy laugh, he positioned me in front of him, carefully running through the steps of a signature drink Howard wanted us to recommend to the guests tonight. His lips skimmed the shell of my ear as his hands dragged up and down my arms, occasionally moving to grip my hips and manhandle me to one side or the other. I was lucky I already knew the cocktail, or I would’ve had to suffer the embarrassment of asking him to explain it to me again.

“Jake,” Howard said, bringing us out of our bubble of flirting to look up at the man. “My office, please.”

I looked up at him with a quizzical look. “Are you in trouble?”

He shrugged, moving to follow behind the angry-looking manager. “Probably.”

“Please, sit,” Howard offered as he settled in his chair.

Jake clasped his hands behind his back and stood up straighter. “I’ll stand.”

Howard gave him a displeased look like he always did when Jake refused to comply with even the simplest request. “Do you recall I changed some of the restaurant’s policies a few months ago?” He didn’t answer. “Implemented a new rule about employees disclosing romantic relationships to management?”

“Oh, I remember,” Jake assured the little manager. “There’s nothing to disclose.”

Howard sighed, his thumbs tapping against the wood of his desk in an offbeat rhythm. If Jake had been paying attention, he would have been annoyed by the inconsistencies of it, but he wasn’t. This was just another one of Howard’s sad displays of power. “She’s not like everyone else, you know.”

“What?”

“Lena,” Howard said. That got his attention. Jake could feel every inch of him tighten with repressed rage at the man’s implication that he knew her better than Jake did. “She’s not like all the other back waiters or hostesses you’ve run through over the years.”

With a slight tilt of his head, Jake asked, “What makes you say that?”

Jake saw Howard’s resolve crumble for the first time in a long time. “I say that because she is one of the most talented, determined, and pure souls to have ever worked here. She has done nothing but add to this restaurant, and I will not have you and your… habits… drag her down.”

“You think I’d drag her down?” Jake chuckled.

“You do it with everyone else,” Howard deadpanned. “Just look at Simone after all the years she’s had to spend carrying you.”

Jake’s jaw clenched, as did his hands. “Like I said, there’s nothing to disclose.”

Howard nodded. “Good. Get back to work.”

When Jake left, quickly making his way back to the bar and the redhead waiting for him with wide, almost nervous eyes, he decided even further to pursue Lena, mostly because the two of them clearly worked together as friends with this odd twist, but now also because Howard of all people tried to tell him not to. “Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, he just wanted to remind me to help you keep up tonight.”

“Yeah, right,” she scoffed, returning to her task. “If anything, I should’ve been the one I pulled aside then.”

Jake let the comment side off him despite how it made him sick to his stomach thinking about Lena alone with Howard. “Just pay attention, princess.”

“Holy shit,” I groaned. “I don’t think my face has ever hurt this bad from fake smiling.”

“Yeah,” Jake agreed. “Lucky for me, I don’t have to look nice to get tips.”

I rolled my eyes at him, sliding back behind the bar, now in my regular clothes, as I massaged my sore cheeks. “Fuck off.”

We served a few drinks to the equally tired group as they filled the gaps between the seats to finally complain about the night. Heather accepted her drink with a smile. “God, Lena should work behind the bar every night. She makes my drink absolutely perfect!”

“And I don’t?” Jake asked with a raised brow.

“You always add too much rum.”

“Oh, so you prefer it the lightweight way,” he clarified, earning Heather’s long middle finger and flipping him off.

Howard left quietly, something I was grateful for today after feeling him watching me all throughout service. Simone had stayed in the back, away from the bar, swirling a glass of wine in her poised hand, seemingly minding her business. She and I hadn’t interacted with one another outside of remaining professional during our shifts. Even then, we didn’t linger a second longer than we had to. Every time we locked eyes, though, I could only quietly hope for the day Jake told me he was finished with her bullshit so I could finally make good on my promise to her. Then, finally, the front door opened, and everyone went silent as Olive strolled in from her day off, dressed head to toe in nice clothes and sporting new, bright red hair.

“Oh my god,” Ari breathed, quickly covering her mouth as Olive made her way around to sit at the bar next to the kitchen doors.

It was probably the shitiest hair dye job I’d ever seen, with huge chunks of brown still peeking through and a visibly uneven dye coating making her hair look like multiple shades. She smiled. “Hi, Jake.”

He bit his lip. “Need a drink?”

“Sure,” she said, twirling her hair around her finger. “Just a glass of Irish whiskey.”

Isaac and I looked at one another over the bar, quietly giggling at the obvious attempt she was making to associate herself with me. Jake slid the drink across the bar to her, and we watched her gag on the liquor. “How was your day off?” Santos attempted to ask kindly.

Olive shrugged. “It was boring. That’s why I came here. Are you guys going to Home Bar?” She batted her eyelashes at Jake. “Jake?”

“No,” he answered. “We’re going to Jack and Ozzy’s tonight.”

“Oh,” she deflated. “I was hoping you’d be coming to Home Bar so we could hang out.”

He clicked his tongue. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Sasha finally burst. “What the fuck is with your hair?”

“You like it?” she asked, never looking away from Jake. “I dunno, I just kind of decided the other night to dye it. I think it suits me, don’t you?”

Jake gave me an amused look before he just nodded to back. “I’m gonna go change.”

“I’ve got the bar handled,” I assured him, smiling happily as he slid by Olive without even glancing at her, no matter how obviously she twisted the new red hair between her fingers or shoved her chest out to make her boobs pop.

“Oh, sweet baby,” Sasha cooed, examining the splotchy red dye job. “Red fur does not a tiger make. It’s all about the stripes of the beast. The experience and the… sex appeal. You, little Olive, have neither.” He stuck a finger in her face and grinned. “There is only one Tiger Bitch, and it is not you.”

Heather giggled, lifting another poorly executed strip of her hair. “Ohh, I dunno, she sure has some stripes.”

Ari shook her head. “Sploches is more like it. But, seriously, if you were going to dye your hair to copy her, you at least couldn’t have done a better job?”

Olive shook everyone off her with an offended, proud look. “I didn’t copy her!”

“Red hair, brown hair, blonde hair,” I started from behind the bar. “It doesn’t matter. She’s not me, and she knows she won’t ever be me.”

When Jake entered the locker room, Simone was already there, half changed into her regular clothes. He greeted her with a smile and a polite nod as he moved to get dressed. “Tonight was certainly interesting.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Good for tips, though.”

With a sigh, she replied, “Yes, it was. I saw Howard pull you into his office. Is there anything I should know?”

Jake glanced at her over his shoulder as he finished pulling on his shirt. “No. Just a reminder of his policy about disclosing employee relationships to him.”

“Oh?” She sounded hopeful as she continued, “Did you and Olive hit it off?”

He scoffed. “Hell no.”

“Why not?” Simone asked, continuing to change her clothes.

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “Guess she’s just not my type.”

She made an amused noise. “Everyone is your type, Jake. I figured Olive would be no different, and yet… You skipped over her. Maybe she is more like Tess than I thought.”

“She’s not like Tess,” Jake answered. Tess was naive and somewhat selfish in her choices, but ultimately, she was herself. Olive wasn’t. She changed her hair and personality, trying to fit whatever character she felt would get her what she wanted. “She’s just a girl playing pretend and embarrassing herself. Those people are always horrible in the sack. They never know what they’re doing or what they want.”

“And Lena’s better?”

He groaned, slamming his locker shut. “Jesus fucking Christ, how many times do I have to say we haven’t slept together before you believe me.”

Simone just shook her head, deep blue eyes shining and red lips cast into a frown. “Walk me home?” She asked, stepping toward him with a gentle hand on his chest.

That was their code. It had been for years. A whole year had passed since she last asked him to come home with her, to be with her how they used to be. In that time, she’d slept with Serena’s husband and Etienne. Her having other lovers never bothered him, but the fact that she’d lied about it did. Usually, Jake would push these feelings down and do as Simone wanted, but tonight… After everything that had happened between them and between him and Lena, Jake shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Excuse me?”

“When you slept with Serena’s asshole husband and Etienne, you didn’t tell me because you knew it’d hurt me. But it hurt more knowing you lied. I’m still not in a place where that’s not on my mind.”

Simone laughed humorlessly and shook her head. “Unbelievable. Are you such a child that you can’t get over things that happened months ago?”

Her words cut him to the core, as they always did when he received her ire. “I’m sorry Simone, I just… It wouldn’t feel right.”

“Go on then,” she urged. “Run down to the bar like the good lapdog you are, and when she’s broken your heart, just like I said she would, or you finally decide to grow up, you know where I’ll be. But you’d better have one hell of an apology prepared, or I swear to god, Jake, I’m just going to be through with you.”

Don’t say that… He thought, pain, fear, and sorrow welding to his chest as he watched Simone turn away from him and leave. For a minute, all he could do was stand there and stare at the empty doorway. Would she really be through with him? Would Simone finally abandon him like everyone else had?

A flash of red filled his vision as Lena paused in the doorway. “You coming?” Her voice brought air into his lungs, lifting that feeling from his chest. “Drinks are on Sasha tonight.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

“Everything okay?” She asked, narrowing her eyes and tilting her head to the side.

Jake nodded, pulling his thoughts from Simone and her anger and her threats to focus on her. Those green eyes, that red hair, and how her lips curved into a smile only made him want to kiss her again. Lena was here. Even after he’d been an ass and deliberately entertained Tess and Olive to get a rise from the fierce redhead. She was here, looking at him like he mattered like she cared. She does care, he realized.

He cleared his throat and nodded again. “Yeah, everything’s good.”

She smiled, leaning forward on her feet to tap his chest. “You’re it.”

Laughing, he moved forward, laying his hand on her head. “You’re it.”

“You’re it,” she said one last time before turning and bolting down the stairs, laughing as he moved to follow her. “Last one to Ozzy’s has to buy shots!” She screamed through the front room, nothing but a blur of red hair and his leather jacket.

As Jake watched his coworkers, his friends, shoot out of their seats and rush after the woman with shouts and laughs, he couldn’t help but smile. Once he’d finally caught up to her and swept her off her feet, he nearly collapsed as she kicked and squealed. That red hair fell back into his face, filling his nose with sweet cherries and rose as he laughed breathlessly, his lips brushing against the back of her neck. A promise of a kiss. “You’re it, princess.”

“Laugh it up, tough guy,” she said, leaning back into him. “I’m gonna be tagging you right back once you let me go.”

I’ll never let go then, he thought to himself, quietly inhaling her scent, searing it and this moment into his memory. “We’ll see.”

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milliondollarbaby87 · 26 days

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Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) Review

The titans that are Godzilla and Kong must actually work together to protect their own existence as well as the world when a deadly threat which was deeply hidden begins to resurface. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Continue reading Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) Review

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rey-jake-therapist · 7 months

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“Where do I—” I reached out for an arm and noticed too late that it wasn’t striped. It was bare. There was a static shock when I touched it.

“Oh. You’re not my person.” I looked up. Black jeans and a white T-shirt with a backpack on one shoulder. Eyes so pale, a weatherworn, spectral blue. He was covered in sweat and slightly out of breath. I inhaled sharply.

“My trailer person, I mean. You’re not him.”His eyes were a vise.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. He looked me up and down, indiscreetly.

“What are you?”

“I’m new.”

“Jake.”

We both turned. The woman who had known the wine stood in the doorway. She didn’t see me. Her gaze distilled the kitchen light to its purest element.

“Good morning. What time does your shift start again?”

“Oh, fuck off, Simone.”

She smiled, pleased.

“I have your plate,” she said, and turned into the dining room. The doors swung back violently. And then all I could see was his feet pounding the last few stairs.

#sweetbitter #jake sweetbitter #tom sturridge #Stephanie danler #Book version #jake gifs #jake x tess #simone sweetbitter #tess sweetbitter

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loadedberetta · 1 year

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berry's masterlist

MINORS/BLANK BLOGS DNI; I shall smite thine arses without a second thought; indicate your age, please

everything here comes with its own warning, but let it be known this is a blog with mature/explicit content, so here's another warning; only adults interact

fem reader for smut, sometimes gn reader

and yes I write for both male and female characters.

tags: × - smut; + - angst; ♡ - fluff; ¤ - OC

Modern Warfare II Reboot

Ghost

Comply ×

5 Minute break

the wolf is not to blame +

vita brevis ×

Sub Rosa +¤ (ongoing)

Wraiths of the Past +

Ghost x Misfit x König

Apartment 10 ×

Barracks 4 ×

Room 705 ×

Kate Laswell

Merry Little Christmas ♡

Ghost x Reader x Soap

Impulse Series [Part 1 1/2 ×] (abandoned)

Soap

Red - a MW3 tribute +

Headcanons

CoD boys react [tattoo] [pregnancy] [knife tricks] [drawing] [foreign language] [polyglot reader]

The Last Of Us (Game)

Tess

Faded Red +♡

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occasionally-good-authoring · 1 year

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surviving and living, a thin line

@indigothemuse, because i finally remembered i have a taglist (you). is max lightwood technically dead? yes. will i listen to canon? fucking never

summary: Surviving is all Jace needs. All anyone ever said he needs. But life creeps in, who is he to stop it?

Surviving. It’s what Shadowhunters do, what they learn to do as children and are expected to do until they don’t. Survive, survive, survive.

But nobody ever says anything about living. Or Jace just didn’t hear anything if they did. So he learns his runes, his weapons, the languages, the democracy, the strategy. Survive, survive, survive. That’s all he ever hears.

Life was an afterthought, something he didn’t really need. What needed was to survive, and one doesn’t need to live to survive. So he didn’t. He survived in broken bones, bleeding knuckles, chipped teeth, healing runes. Survive, survive, survive. That’s all he ever does.

Nightmares wake him up stifling screams, dry heaving, heart pounding, fingernails digging in. He dealt with it, living off caffeine and desperation at the age of ten. Maryse and Robert never wonder who’s drinking the cups missing from the pot. Getting better is living, and that’s not what Jace has to do, and Jace only has to survive. Survive, survive, survive.

He becomes parabatai with Alec, the rune heavy on the inside of his wrist. It’s about survival. A parabatai is a promise of safety in the field, it’s a vow of your back being watched and an extension of yourself in another. It’s survival. It’s a battle. It’s war. Survive, survive, survive.

Max is there, following Jace. He wants to learn, but not to survive. Because he wants to live. Jace doesn’t understand, yet finds himself teaching Max anyway, giving Max the toy soldier, the only thing left from his father. It’s about survival, he tells himself, when Max is old he will be another watching my back. Survive, survive, survive. That’s what he tells himself.

Izzy teaches him how to dress, how to do makeup, how to dye hair. He tells himself it’s survival, if he needs to hide he can, change his appearance in a moment. But Izzy laughs and maybe he smiles, and maybe it’s for real. No, it’s gaining her trust. It’s survival, another pair of eyes who are trained on his back. Survive, survive, survive.

Clary and Simon come along. Clary’s angry, Simon’s a wonder. They’re both laughing and neither of them are of any use to him. But then Clary can make runes and she brings Simon along. It’s about survival, not the growth in his heart when Clary smiles or Simon laughs. Survive, survive, survive.

His father’s alive, really alive and really not Michael Wayland. Valentine. Valentine Morgenstern, Jace Morgenstern, Clary Morgenstern. One survives, two live. Jace tries to escape, tries to kill Valentine. It’s about survival, he tells himself. With Valentine alive, he’ll never survive. But the bile rising in his throat when the man smiles isn’t about survival. He swallows it down. Survive, survive, survive. That’s all this is about.

There’s something odd about Simon. In the way he smiles, laughs, talks, moves, dances, sings, yells, screams, cries. In the way he wakes up screaming, crying, checking for a pulse he can’t feel. There’s a fire behind all of it, a fire that’s not just survival. It’s living. Survive, survive, survive. That’s what Jace wants to do, right?

Magnus drags him out of the gym, a quick healing spell on the knuckles he has never wrapped. There’s not mention of Alec, who always tries to get Jace out. He gets Jace a new wardrobe, makeup of his own, a dye job so good it looks real. The pink looks odd, leaving a flutter in Jace’s heart, tears stuck in his throat, a hug on his arms, dancing in his fingers. He doesn’t. That’s not survival, so Jace pushes it down but he knows Magnus saw that smile. Survive, survive, survive. Is that all he’s doing?

Maia and Simon drag him to Simon’s apartment, putting on a movie they call a slasher, telling him he hasn’t seen a movie until he’s watched a two star horror movie. They laugh and talk the whole time. Jace lets a small laugh out, and maybe his fingers dance a bit. Maia and Simon don’t just survive, not like him. Survive, survive, survive. Maybe he wants more.

Alec and Izzy are there at his next nightmare, where he let himself scream when he woke. They hold him, rub where his fingernails dug in, putting on Batman band-aids Clary bought for Max. He cries into Alec’s shoulder, holds Izzy’s hand, doesn’t talk about the things he saw, and they don’t need him to. Max joins, silent as he joins in, tapping out I-T-S O-K-A-Y in the morse code Jace taught him. This isn’t survival, but Jace does it anyway. And maybe he does it over and over again. Survive, survive, live.

He sits down with Simon, teaching him piano with all the gentle touch and words he didn’t get. Simon messes up, Jace puts his fingers on the right keys, the ache of a snap fading in his own. Simon sees the tears gathering on his brass eyelashes, he waits, cries along with Jace when he talks about what happened in that Manor for the first time. Survive, survive, live.

Game night at Magnus’. The first one Jace goes to. They welcome him with cheers and smiles, act like he’s always come. No touches are given, and maybe for the first time in a long time he would accept them without a flinch first. When Raphael wins Monopoly, he gives Jace a smile and there’s that flutter in his heart that means not-just-survival. Survive, live, live.

Alec, Izzy, and Max listen as Jace talks. Voice cracking, tears falling, fingernails kept from digger by Lightwood hands, body aching with bruises long gone. They apologize for things done by a man so hardly a man. They promise safety. They say wipe away tears and hold him once they make sure it’s allowed. Survive, live, live.

Tessa and Jem tell him stories about Will, hearts aching with bittersweet love lost. Jace feels family grow. Aunt Tess, Uncle Jem. Not blood, but water is better anyway. To hell with the thick red running in his veins, Aunt Tess, Uncle Jem, little Mina, cousin Kit, whose more brother than cousin. Only Kit is blood, but no better than any of the rest. Survive, live, live.

Simon and Maia laugh over a Player’s Handbook he doesn’t really understand. Green dice, numbered in gold are rolled. A sheet of paper is filled, and they help him all the way through creating a character. They teach him the rules, show him what to do. He feels warmth grow up from his stomach when they listen to him talk about the weapons in their game, explain how they work, where they’re from. When his fingers dance, Simon and Maia smiles and Jace realizes his finger dance is Simon’s rock, Maia’s hand flap. Survive, live, live.

Alec, Izzy, and Max laugh with Jace over too much food ordered at Taki’s. Jace smiles, laughs, talks, fingers dancing when they listen to him talk about Shakespeare. He explains the tragedy of Hamlet, and the jokes they speak are never about him. Max sees his fingers dance and tells Jace how he likes to bounce. Alec and Izzy smiles and know, never mock or try to stop. This isn’t survival, and it’s better than just that. Live, live, live.

Maia and Simon ask him to a movie at Simon’s apartment. Food is tossed into mouths, Jace’s fingers dance, Simon rocks on the balls of his feet, Maia’s hands flap. Maia lays her head on Simon’s lap, asks to put her feet in Jace’s. A yes is said, and he means it. Hesitation when kisses are asked next, they don’t. Simon and Maia don’t ask again. The next week another movie, Simon curled against Maia, hand entwined with Jace. Kisses are asked for, and this time Jace knows he wants it. They make sure, he is. Live, live, live.

Magnus takes him shopping again, Aunt Tess and Uncle Jem come to. Jem tells him about violin, offers Jace lessons when interest is shown. Magnus knows a place, just like he always does. Aunt Tess shows him her favorite books, Jace shows her his. Magnus buys them, shaking off offers to pay him back with laughs and it’s no problem. Live, live, live.

Shadowhunters are taught to survive, nobody talks about living. But Jace won’t just survive anymore. He’ll live. He’ll heal, even if the nightmares don’t go away, even if unwelcome touch still causes a flinch. Live, live, live. A lesson he had to learn, but a welcome one.

Live, live, live. What is survival without the life behind it? Live, live, live. That is what Jace will do.

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szept-sosna · 1 year

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okay so i’m thinking thoughts about young royals and shakespeare’s “heart” tragedies. if we’re following a classic shakespearean tragedy outline (which i know that we’re not but play along with me), then based on where we are plot-wise for young royals, every part of the conflict has pretty much came to a head at the end of the last episode: august v wille, wille admits to the video, him and simon are quasi-back together, etc. this places the events at around act iii if we’re looking at shakespeare’s writing.

so where we’re going in season 3 of the show is around act iv and act v for shakespeare markers. act iv is where more detail comes in and further develops the plot so when act v rolls around, shakespeare is going to hit you with that tragedy and then boom. play over.

and i have a feeling (and a huge hope) that wille and simon get their happy ending and if not i’m gonna be sad.

HOWEVER.

if the writers were like “hey what if we ruined everything” they’d have a perfect shakespearean tragedy outline which i think is kind of cool. like it perfectly parallels the plot rise and fall of romeo and juliet. a tragedy about two teens from two different families and outside pressures that prevent them from having a normal relationship. idk just thought it was a fun comparison.

#i really was just thinking thoughts and then i just. this #young royals #tess just talks #wilmon #wilhelm x simon #wilhelm yr #simon yr

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soracities · 1 year

Note

i saw your tags, and i wanna ask what books "punched you in the gut" (i wanna get punched too)?

SO glad you asked anon omg

Let the Right One In, John Ajvide Lindqvist

i am lewy, Eoghan Ó Tuairisc

Antigone, Jean Anouilh

Tess of the d'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy

Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte

A Tale for the Time Being, Ruth Ozeki

"The Condemned", Stig Dagerman

The Snake, Stig Dagerman

A Moth to a Flame, Stig Dagerman

Giovanni's Room, James Baldwin

From A to X, John Berger

The Plague, Albert Camus

The Myth of Sisyphus: Essays, Albert Camus

How the Soldier Repairs the Gramophone, Saša Stanišić

Posession, A.S. Byatt

A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing, Eimear McBride

"The Husband Stitch", Carmen Maria Machado

The Bloody Chamber, Angela Carter

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong

An Inventory of Losses, Judith Schalansky

The Need for Roots, Simone Weil

Secondhand Time: The Last of the Soviets, Svetlana Alexievich

Deaf Republic, Ilya Kaminsky

Agua Viva, Clarice Lispector

Broken Vessels: Essays, Andre Dubus

The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoevsky

One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez

The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy

A Field Guide for Getting Lost, Rebecca Solnit

A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini

Brave New World, Aldous Huxley

We, Yevgeny Zamyatin

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro

Books Burn Badly, Manuel Rivas

The Memory Police, Yoko Ogawa

The Thirteenth Tale, Diane Setterfield

Uzumaki, Junji Ito

The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

For Two Thousand Years, Mihail Sebastian

#ask #anonymous #book recs

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aliorsboxostuff · 1 year

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MALE!READER WRITING REQUESTS (TEMP) CLOSED !

Come check out my works bellow!

I've seen how devastatingly little male!reader fics are in my big fandoms, and as a gay man i feel like i should provide us with said fics! Which is why I'm opening my ask box for any and all male!readers and gn!readers requests! (Including anon requests!)

RULES:

I WON'T ACCEPT FEMALE!READER FICS REQUESTS. I’m a trans-masc genderfluid, so male!Readers or gn!Readers are the ones that I usually write and am comfortable with. It’s hard looking for male!reader fics, especially in female-dominated fandoms, that's why I'm opening requests for any and all sad and touch-starved dudes out there! If these don't fit your preferences then you are free to leave, and if you're a female user/reader entering my blog, I hope you remain respectful about the fics I write or get requests for, thank you.

NOTE: I NEVER USE ANY FORM OF Y/N IN MY FICS. I find them kind of weird for me to write so my fics are mostly 1st Person POV. I write most of my fics based off on Fixations that may last a couple weeks, months, years. If you've requested something but havent seen the fic, that might be because i've lost interest!

What i will write:

male!reader

gender-neutral reader

Ftm! Reader

Smut

Platonic or Romantic relationships

angst

fluff

comfort

headcanons

nsfw alphabets

drabbles

Series

Age gap (CHARACTERS MUST BE OVER THE AGE OF 19)

What I Won't write:

female!reader

underage characters (anyone under 17)

necrophilia

real people

pedophilia

Omorashi

age play

rape/non-con

incest

offensive/harmful things

THE CHARACTER LIST! Or, characters I will definitely write about if requested!

PEDRO PASCAL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE

Ezra (prospect)

Joel Miller

Javi Gutierrez

Javier Peña

Frankie Morales

Whiskey (Kingsman)

Tim Rockford (yes from the Ad)

TOP GUN 86’ & TOP GUN: MAVERICK

Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin

Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw

MARVEL & XMCU

Miguel O'hara (ATSV)

Hobie Brown (Platonic/fluff only)

Pavitr Prabhakar (Platonic/fluff only)

Kurt Wagner (xmcu)

Loki Laufeyson

Bucky Barnes

Moon Knight System

Deadpool

Daredevil

Eddie and Venom (They come as a pair)

BULLET TRAIN

Tangerine

Ladybug

Jujutsu Kaisen

Satoru Gojo

Nanami Kento

Higuruma Hiromi

Ryoumen Sukuna

Yuuji Itadori (Fluff)

Toge Inumaki (Fluff)

DETROIT: BECOME HUMAN

Connor (RK800)

Nines (RK900)

COD MODERN WARFARE II

Simon 'Ghost' Riley

John 'Soap' Mactavish

König

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Chris Knight (Real Genius)

Hannibal (NBC)

The Corinthian (Netflix Sandman)

Leon S. Kennedy (RE4 Remake)

Luis Serra (RE4 Remake)

Understand that these are all works of fiction; I am perfectly fine with writing for topics including mafias, mobs, murder, organized crime, war, mental illness, abuse, etc.; but please do not romanticize them in any way. Reading it is fine; please don't romanticize them in your head.

If any of this provided information may seem confusing or have any questions, feel free to drop a DM and I will explain further! I will try to post fic requests as regularly and as fast as I can!

For refrence, these are fics i've written and uploaded to my AO3!

Steven Grant/Male Reader fluff

XMEN Family Pride Fic

Steven Grant/Male Reader Smut #1

Steven Grant/Male Reader Smut #2

Deadpool/Male Reader Fluff Confession

Deadpool/Ftm Reader Smut

Robert 'Bob' Floyd/Male Reader Fluff

Robert 'Bob' Floyd/Male Reader sunshine x grumpy

Tangerine/Male Reader Fluff/Angst Mature

Tangerine/Male Reader Mature

Tangerine/Male Reader (Escort Fic) Mature

Tangerine/NB Reader Teen&Up

Tangerine/Gender-Fluid Reader (Coming out fic)

Francisco "Catfish" Morales/Husband Reader

Joel Miller/Ftm Reader & Ellie Fluff

Joel Miller & Kid Reader

Joel Miller/Ftm Reader & Tess Fluff a bit Angst

Miguel O'hara/Male Reader Fluff

Miguel O'hara/Male Reader Spicy Fluff

Miguel O'hara/Male&GN Reader Spicy Fluff

Miguel O'hara/Male&GN Reader Fluff slight Angst

Din Djarin/Boyfriend Reader Smut

And the Short Fics/Drabbles on Tumblr!

Pulse (Tangerine/M!reader)

Deep Dive (Namor/M!reader)

Hold Tight (Tangerine/gn Reader)

Ner Mesh'la (Din Djarin/Male Reader)

Trinkets (Kurt Wagner/Gender-fluid Reader)

"Anythin' you wanna be." (Hobie Brown & Ftm Reader)

Little Nap! (Meows Morales Drabble)

Anyone that starts an argument about me writing exclusively for men and gender neutrals alike will get a very passive-aggressive and sarcastic reply to your request. There is an abundance of female!readers fics and writers who provide them; I am just here for people that takes a whole day searching for good male!reader fics. IF you do start an unnecessary rant about my fics or my writing preferences at a given moment; I’ve been in fandom spaces for the last 7 years of my life and run on pure manic adrenaline, I will throw hands.

Without further ado, REBLOG TO TELL ALL DUDES! I OPEN MY FLOOD GATES! WELCOME ALL MALE!READER REQUESTS!

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powerpolyculeshowdown · 1 year

Text

CANON POLYCULE SHOWDOWN

this is a contest for canonically confirmed polycules or polycules that have a lot of hints to a possibility of them being canon, even if the authors might not have intended that way!

Beware of spoilers!! Some of these only become polycules later in the media they're from, and some of the descriptions describe a tragic fate for the polycule, so keep in mind there will be spoilers

rules can be found here

bracket can be found here

honorable mentions can be found here

links for all the match ups as they go live can be found in the MASTERPOST. it will be updated each round, but i will also tag every round to make them easier to find

help me w descriptions for the honorable mentions!

Round 2 part 2 finished.

Round 3 will go live on May 19th!

(#canonround2 or #pollycule if you want to search for the polls)

tags:

#canonpolyculeshowdown - for relevant updates and the polls

#pollycule - (yes double L) specifically for the showdown polls, to make it easier to find. doesn't include the prelims cause I only thought to add this after, sorry

#canonpropaganda - for, well, propaganda. ill post asks, reblog posts and maybe reblog reblogs

#honorablemention - for the ships that did not make it in (i will still make a post introducing all of them)

#tournamnt poll - the generally agreed on tag for blacklisting purposes. let me know if i forget to use it! i cant edit polls but it will remind me for the following round

#canonroundN - N being the number of the round we're in. so, for example: canonround0, canonround1, canonround2, etc. from the quarterfinals onwards, they'll also include the specific tag (#quarterfinals, etc). Check the post's tags for that ome if you want to look at all polls from that round!

list may be updated as needed.

if you submitted something that did not get in, nor was it posted as an honorable mention, and you wish to know why, feel free to send an ask.

LIST OF CONTESTANTS:

Nathan/Vlad/Ursula (Hunger Pangs)

Rilla/Arum/Damien (Penumbra Podcast)

Nathan/Gabriel/Annalise (The Bastard Son and the Devil Himself)

Ben/Ryn/Maddie (Siren Freeform)

Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot (High Noon Over Camelot)

Quanxi/Pingsti/Cosmo/Long/Tsugihagi (Chainsaw Man)

Wu Zetian/Li Shimin/Gao Yizhi (Iron Widow)

Caleb/Astrid/Eadwulf (Critical Role)

Sadie/Walt/Anubis (The Kane Chronicles)

Rajan/Wolfgang/Kala (Sense8)

Princess Glisselda/Seraphina/Lucien (Seraphina)

Tess/Jacomo/Margarethe (Tess of the Road)

Logan/Jean Grey/Scott/Emma (X-Men)

Uzui/Hinatsuru/Makio/Suma (Demon Slayer)

Megaera/Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades)

Dianda/Simon/Patrick (October Daye)

Haruka/Michiru/Setsuna (Sailor Moon)

Asmodeus Alice/Clara Valac/Iruma Suzuki (Mairimashita, Iruma-kun!)

Aizo/Yujiro/Hiyori (HoneyWorks)

Kyle/Rogelio/Lonnie (She Ra)

Dashawn/Steve/Jose/Cupe R III/Otto/Arturo/Gregory/Quackers McQuack (Bojack Horseman)

Fluorite (Steven Universe)

Miss Piggy/Kermit/Gonzo (Muppets)

Sherlock/Watson/Mary (Sherlock Holmes movies)

Ichika Hoshino/Saki Tenma/Shiho Hinomori/Honami Mochizuki (Project SEKAI)

Tree Trunks/Mr. Pig/Alien Husband (Adventure Time)

Daniel/Sam/Jack/Teal’c (Stargate SG-1)

Mukai Naoya/Saki Saki/Nagisa Minase (Kanojo mo Kanojo/Girlfriend Girlfriend)

Eddie/Venom/Anne/Dan (Venom)

Peter Quill/Aradia/Mors (Guardians of the Galaxy)

George/Gilda/Thomas (Design for Living)

Leif/Thorn/Kale (Leif and Thorn)

Kieran/Ray/Gemma (Trigonometry)

Eugene/Rapunzel/Cassandra (Tangled the Series)

Jack/August/Rina (The Wicker King)

La’gann/Coral/Rodunn (Young Justice)

Syenite/Innon/Alabaster (Broken Earth)

Enrique/Hypnos/Sofia (The Gilded Wolves)

Max/Jack/Anne (Black Sails)

Pyrrha/Commander Wake/Gideon the First (The Locked Tomb)

Neptune/Venus/Jupiter (We Know the Devil)

Quincey/Jack/Arthur/Lucy (Dracula)

Amber/Reese/David (Adaptation)

Will/Tessa/Jem (The Infernal Devices)

Kieran/Cristina/Mark (The Dark Artifices)

Winter/Moon/Qibli (Wings of Fire)

Camille/Nyra/Dendro (Muted)

Sasha/Anne/Marcy (Amphibia)

Neal/Peter/Elizabeth (White Collar)

Turtle Heart/Melena/Frex (Wicked)

Emiya/Saber/Rin (Fate Stay/Night)

Sofiane/Victor/Luisa (Mortel)

Taylor/Theo/Josey (3)

Jack/Emma/Izzy (You Me Her)

Keiko/Miles/Kira (Star Trek)

Jade/Dave/Karkat (Homestuck Epilogues)

Anzu/Kazuki/Junta (Romantic Killers)

Shikimori/Izumi/Ai (Shikimori is Not Just Cute)

Camina/Michio Pa/Josep/Serge/Berthold/Oksana (The Expanse)

Breq/Mercy of Kalr/Seivarden/Ekalu (Imperial Radch)

Roguish Semiotician/Infamous Mathematician/Player Character (Fallen London)

Alphonse/Seth/Listener (Bittersweet)

Storm/Helen/Mira (Love and Luck Podcast)

Nicky/Joe/Andy/Booker/Niles (The Old Guard)

#canonpolyculeshowdown #canonpropaganda #honorablemention #pollycule #third place

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imsuchagoddamnnerd · 2 months

Text

*.✧ Requests ✧.*

Status:open

Note

I’ve never in my life used tumblr to post on. I can barely work a cell phone and I’m supposed to be from the more tech savvy generation. I apologize if this looks like shit. If anyone has tips to make it look good that would be real appreciated.

Also. There will eventually be smut on here so if you ain’t matte enough to read it. Just don’t. There will be fluff too but if you’re too young. Don’t read the smut.

When requesting it would be greatly appreciated if you gave a small plot summary/idea or prompt. It makes it easier for me and I feel it makes it more interactive for you all :)

Will do:

Most things including, Fluff, Smut, angst, fantasy, modern, horror(I’ll try), soul mates, oc stuff , x reader, canon x canon. All gender pairings, slashers, monsters, etc.

Will not:

underage characters, incest, pedophilia, homophobia, racism, abuse, scat/urine, infantilism.

Even if something isn’t on this list, I still have a right to decline writing something if it makes me uncomfortable.

✎Fandoms✎

Life is strange

Chloe Price, Rachel Amber, Kate Marsh, Nathan Prescott, Victoria Chase, Warren Graham, Mark Jefferson, Frank Bowers. Sean Diaz, Cassidy, Finn McNamara, Penny. Skip Matthews. Alex Chen, Gabe Chen, Ryan Lucan, Steph Gingrich. Others if requested.

Detroit: Become Human

Connor, Kara, Markus. Hank Anderson, Elijah Kamski, Gavin Reed, Rose Chapman, Josh, Lucy, Luther, Simon, Leo Manfred, North, Perkins, RK900, Ralph.

Fallout 4

Cait, Nick Valentine, Paladin Danse, Robert MacReady, Curie, John Hancock, Deacon, Piper Wright, Preston Garvey, Sturges, Strong.

Resident Evil 8

Alcina Dimitrescu, Karl Heisenberg, Donna Benneviento, Salvatore Moreau.

The Last of Us

Joel Miller, Ellie Williams(pt2), Tommy Miller, Bill(MxM only), Tess, Henry. Haven’t played much of Part 2 yet.

The Walking Dead Game

Lee, Clem(aged up), Kenny, Doug, Carley, Lilly, Ben. Nick, Luke, Bonnie, Jane, Mike. Javier, David, Kate, Eleanor, Tripp, Ava, Paul aka “Jesus”. Louis, Violet, Ruby, Mitch, Marlon, James.

The Walking Dead TV Series

Too many to list. I’ll do the main cast. Any others will be by request.

This is taking a long time. I’m not listing all the characters from here on. Just assume I’ll know them on request. I’ve been working on this for like three hours.

Red Dead Redemption

Legend of Zelda

Botw, Totk, others on request

Stardew Valley

The Hobbit

Pokemon

Avatar(James Cameron)

Avatar(The Last Airbender)

Skyrim

FrostBite, John Doe, etc.

Slashers(Michael Myers, Ghostface, Leatherface, Brahms, etc)

Demon Slayer

Doctor Who

Supernatural

OC Content:

Fantasy(modern or medieval). Zombie apocalypse. Cryptids. I might even do some OC design requests and stuff eventually.

Please I’m begging y’all to request something. Anything. Please. I’m not 100% sure how commenting or whatever works, but please just request anything. Idk how to set up a request button so just commenting works

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thepaintedlady00 · 1 year

Text

Nightshade

Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

Chapter 8: Flambe

TW: panic attacks, unhealthy coping mechanisms, confrontations, allusion/brief mentions of grooming, light make out session, Simone & Olive suck, language, smoking, mentions of drug use (past and present), some heavy topics (mentions of suicide, near death experiences), obvious tension, slight mention of tattooing, a strip club/strippers/partial nudity, drinking, mild implied violence

The hazy outline of her face was all he could see as the world around him threatened to fade into the dark edges of black that lined his vision. Lena filled the space between his legs, sitting on the floor with him. Parts of her face would come into view, more clear and vivid than they usually were… she looked like an angel. “Can you tell me what you need?”

You, he thought as his chest tightened. It was an odd admission for him. Usually, in times like this, all he could think of was Simone and what she’d tell him he needed to do. Slow your breathing. Just push through it. Just breathe. But at that moment, all he could think of was her and how her presence alone made the tightness in his chest ease. He shook his head quickly, afraid he’d reveal too much to her if he spoke now.

“That’s okay,” she said softly, moving to settle in closer. “Let’s just focus on breathing.” She reached down and carefully took hold of his hand, pressing it to her chest. Her eyes became clear. A pair of glowing emeralds looking at him like she cared… like this wasn’t a massive waste of her time. “Can you feel my heartbeat?”

For a minute, all he could feel was the coolness of her skin, soft as silk beneath his palm. Then the steady thumping of her heart echoed through his hand, seemingly filling his chest with its power. Then, nodding, he watched her lips lift into a relieved smile. “Can you feel my breaths?”

A flash of her head dipping below the dark waters in The Cape filled his head. He remembered how she’d nearly stopped breathing in his arms… the way her chest stuttered and her heartbeat felt bolder, wilder against his chest. His head ticked as he forced himself to focus on her now. On the steady motion of her chest falling and rising with each deep and slow breath she took. He nodded again.

“Good,” she whispered. “Now, just try and breathe with me, okay?” She pressed her hand to the back of his, a gesture that made him feel fuzzy, uncertain of what the lifting feeling was, as she counted softly. Jake could feel his body reacting, calming to her within minutes. Usually, he would have to force it all down, push what he felt back into the confines of the cage he kept it all locked away in until he could trick himself into thinking he was fine.

This was different. Lena squeezed his hand, her thumb stroking along the back for a second as she held his gaze, unflinching and unjudging. “You’re here. You’re safe with me.”

Safe? As though he was some scared child? Jake tore his eyes away from her, anger, embarrassment, and shame boiling inside his chest as he pulled his hand away and settled onto the floor, trying to put space between her body and his. “You can go now. I’m fine.”

“It’s okay not to be okay sometimes,” she replied as sweetly as she retook hold of his hand.

“Not for me.” He forced a chuckle from his throat, trying to clear the tightness that lingered there.

“Why not?” She asked. He almost answered her on instinct… some bizarre instinct that only grew stronger daily, threatening to have him spilling every detail of himself and his life to Lena Harrow like some stupid puppy desperate for her love. When he didn’t reply, she said, “You’re human too, Jake. And after everything that’s happened… That biker asshole punching you and my shit in Cape Cod combined with your Cape-related stuff. So understandably, you’d be feeling overwhelmed.”

“It’s so fucking stupid. All this over a dumb arcade game.” Why does this feel so easy?

Lena shook her head, that damn thumb stroking the back of his hand again, sending a wave of calm through him. “It’s not stupid. It took me years to get over that shitty fake drowning animation. I still can’t go swimming. No matter how shallow the water is, I always feel like I’m going to sink.” That’s why. Lena understood… she knew what it felt like in a way no one else had. It was scary to think of all the ways they’d suffered alike throughout their fucked up lives. “We don’t get to choose what affects us. We just have to do our best to get through it.”

She got him through it, he realized. He forced all expression from his face as he once again shoved everything to fade away. “Thank you.”

“That’s what friends are for.” She pulled back, and he had to physically refrain from moving to stop her. “I’ll give you a few minutes to yourself.”

Jake watched her go, silently cursing himself for having this public outburst… for letting her, of all people, see him like this. He waited in the bathroom for a few minutes, looking into the mirror's reflection and berating himself for being so weak and annoying. Finally, he left, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone, not bothering to pretend like they’d care if he just disappeared. Catching a cab, he went straight home. Home where he didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing him hit this low point. Home where he could open up the first beer he could get his hands on and the seven after that.

Standing in the doorway of his bathroom, his eyes glued to the tub. Echoes of distant waves filled his ears, images of him looking up from beneath the water… his mother's voice assuring him that everything would be okay. He stepped forward, drawn to the idea of filling the tub up and slipping beneath the water to force himself to face that breathlessness that still seemed to haunt him. As he shrugged off his jacket, the sound of it hitting the floor, heavier than it should have been, pulled him from his drunken fixation.

He fell to his knees, having to steady himself against the doorframe as he bent over to pull his jacket into his lap and fish through the pockets. Then, pulling out the fluffy green frog with starry eyes and big red lips, Jake smiled. “I think I’ll call him Jake.” He chuckled at her voice, the image of her holding up the hideous little grumpy-faced frog to show him etched in his mind like it was the most important thing he’d ever seen. “He even looks like you.”

“Lena,” he whispered, rubbing his fingers over the long-limbed stuffed animal. His phone lit up beside him, Simone most likely calling or texting to nag him about not being late for his shift tomorrow.

Goodnight, Jake. He didn’t recognize the number at first, but after a minute of thought, he smiled, sad and happy simultaneously. Jake honestly hadn’t expected her to ever use the number he’d put into her phone, but for that moment, he was glad she did.

Goodnight, Lena.After he sent the simple message, a wave of calm washed over him. He half expected her to text him again with the dozens of questions she no doubt had; Simone would have, but after a few minutes of silence, he decided she’d fallen asleep. Leaning back into the doorway, Jake held onto the little frog and closed his eyes.

A heavyweight dipped the side of my bed, and the smell of Irish whiskey and hair gel filled my nose. The featherlight tapping of something fuzzy to my cheek made me groan. Opening my eyes to find Patrick poorly hiding behind the stuffed frog I'd won at the arcade. "Better wake up, sleepyhead!" He sang in a Kermit the Frog voice. "Don't want to miss breakfast. It's the most important meal of the - OW!"

I pinched his arm harder, pulling the grumpy frog from his hands and shoving him off the bed with my legs. "Don't you have places to be?"

"Not really," he answered from the floor. "I got my shit done hours ago."

Turning to look at the clock, I groaned even louder. "Seven o'clock? How dare you."

Peter emerged in the doorway, leaning against it with a bowl of cereal. "Morning, sleeping beauty!"

Pulling the frog close, I rolled over, flopping the pillow over my head. "Go away and let me sleep."

"This is my room, you know."

I swung my feet over the side of Peter's bed, stepping on Patrick's back to slide through the doorway, and headed to my room. Pausing, I smiled back at them. "Now, keep the noise down so I can go back to sleep."

They chuckled as I shut my door and flopped onto my bed. I wasn't expecting to be able to fall back asleep, but getting the time to relax in my bed holding the soft grumpy frog named Jake made this small moment enough. I listened to my two brothers wreak havoc in the small kitchen, blaring Irish folk music and loudly dancing to the jaunty tune. For this one moment, life felt slow and steady. It felt like it had before our dad died.

My brothers and I ate breakfast together an hour later, then we took turns showering in the shared bathroom and settled around the table, drinking coffee and picking at our plates as Ozzy slid through the front door and smiled. "Ah, it's so nice seeing all my little troublemakers at this table again." He kissed Peter's head and pinched Patrick's cheek before wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "How was the rest of your homecoming night?"

"Very fun," Peter said with a smile. "I do appreciate it."

"No more thank yous or I appreciate its. Welcome home, big brother." I replied.

Patrick checked his watch. "You need to be at the hospital at one, right?"

"Yeah." Sensing my nervous confusion, Peter continued quickly, "They want me to check in. You know, make sure I'm doing well at home."

"I can come with you," I offered. "I don't have to be at work till three."

"Sounds good," Peter agreed.

My phone buzzed a few times in my pocket.

I apologize for the last-minute notice. I need you to come in early tonight. You'll be working the bar. - Howard

Hey Red, it looks like it's gonna be you tonight and me. Come in early so I can go over the basics with you (Howard's orders) - Nicky.

Holy shit. I gulped down the rest of my orange juice and quickly set my dishes in the sink. "Change of plans. Looks like tonight is going to be an absolute shitstorm. Pat, can you make sure Pete gets to his appointment?"

"Sure thing, sis."

"Is everything alright?" Ozzy asked.

Sighing, I answered, "I guess I'll find out."

"Call if you need anything."

"Aye, aye, Captain Oz!" I hollered, shutting the apartment door behind me and moving down the stairs and through the gym. Dom leaned against the wall in front of the alley as I walked closer. "Dom! Got time to give me a ride to work?"

He tossed the cigarette to the side and swung his leg over his bike. "Sure thing, kid, let's go." Then, lifting the helmet, he smirked. “Newbies get the helmet.”

“I’m hardly a newbie.”

“Alright, passengers, get the helmet. Better?” He asked.

I grumbled, pulling the bulky helmet over my head and curling around Dom’s back as he wove through traffic effortlessly. Riding with Dom was always relaxing. I knew he’d get us to where we were going without issues, and listening to him bitch about every traffic inconvenience was always entertaining. Through the slight tint of the visor, I watched as the city lights streaked by, and for a quick moment, I felt like I was somewhere else. Somewhere that reeked of expensive cologne and finely polished leather. For a moment, I was in the dark car, fingers digging into my thighs to keep myself from shaking as the lights and snow flew by at a startling speed, and a cold sting bit into my neck, threatening to cut with each bump and turn.

My fingers curled into Dom’s shirt as I pressed my head to his back and breathed in the way the helmet smelled like cigarette smoke with a mild tint of Dom’s weed. I wasn’t there. I would never be there again, not with Dom around. He pulled into the alleyway and held his hand out for his helmet. “Thanks, Dom,” I said, handing it to him.

“Busy day?” He nodded to the clamoring of people that became visible when a few guys from the back opened the alley door to take the trash out.

“Yeah, it’s looking like it’s gonna be crazy.”

“Well, call if you need anything,” he reminded. “See you at Ozzy’s later?”

“See you later. Try to stay out of jail.” Dom scoffed as he pulled the bike out of the alley and waved back at me before flying off.

The kitchen was an absolute nightmare. Bodies of people were moving around like their lives depended on it as they frantically moved dishes around and hunted for bar mops and prepped. Scott quickly tasted every sauce, muttering more or less when he looked up at me and shook his head. “Fuckin ridiculous.”

I looked around for a minute, whistling lowly. “What the fuck is going on here today?”

“We got slammed with four last-minute VIP reservations.” He shook his head. “The kind of VIP that requires all hands on deck.”

“How the hell did that happen?”

“No fucking clue. Howard’s pissed.”

I moved out of Santos’ way as he slid past with a rack of dishes to polish. “Doesn’t Howard have all this shit written out in some book or something, so we don’t get surprised with things like this?”

“Yeah, he does,” Scott answered, tasting another sauce. “Less.” He tossed his spoon to the side and ran a rag over his head, collecting the sweat accumulated. “He says there must've been some mix-up when whoever scheduled their parties wrote it down. It’s a load of fuckin bullshit.”

“You think he did it on purpose?” I asked with furrowed brows.

“I think someone did,” Scott answered. “Doesn’t matter. We’re still fucked. You’re at the bar tonight, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah, Howard said there was a last-minute change or something.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“Do you know exactly why we’ll need three bartenders tonight?”

“Two. Jake didn’t show up for his shift.” Oh fuck. “He’s usually pretty late, but no one’s been able to get a hold of him, not even Simone.”

“He just didn’t show?”

“Yep,” Scott nodded toward the kitchen doors. “Howard and Simone have been going at it for almost an hour now.”

Great, I cursed to myself. “Thanks, Chef.”

I hurried up the stairs and changed into my work clothes as fast as possible, throwing my hair into a messy bun before tying on the shiny black work shoes. Jake was usually late, a habit he’d been notorious for even before I arrived, but he’d never just skipped work. As I laced up my shoes, I tried not to think about what that meant… on what had happened last night after he left the arcade. Was he just too hung over, or did he do something stupid? My hands shook as I recalled all the times I’d been half-dead in alleyways after taking too many pills and how I would've died if someone hadn’t found me. I closed my eyes tightly. Jake wasn’t stupid. He wouldn’t do that, not when he had no one to help him if he needed it.

Will smiled at me as he entered the locker room, changing out his suit jacket for a clean one. “I set my arm in one of the sauces.”

“I’m surprised Scott let you live,” I replied, breathing out my anxiety.

“Me too.” Will looked at me carefully for a minute before he sighed. “Are you okay? I know today’s been… hell, but you look pale.”

“I’m okay,” I assured him. “Just kind of worried that Jake didn’t even call.”

Will shrugged, doing up the button on his jacket. “I’m sure he’s fine. Jake’s like a cockroach. Nothing can get rid of him.”

I bit my cheek to avoid snapping at him for the crude analogy and nodded. “You’re right. He probably just had a long night or something. I better check in with Howard. Let him know I’m here, so he’ll relax a bit.”

“Good idea, though I’d be careful. When I passed the office a minute ago, it sounded like things were getting pretty heated between him and Simone.”

Downstairs I waved to Nicky, quietly gesturing toward Howard’s office to let him know I’d be right there to help him prep. The dark wooden door was slightly open when I turned down the hall, making every harsh word he and Simone traded even louder. “You’re not firing Jake,” Simone said sternly. “He’s-”

“He’s a liability.” Howard sighed. “First, he was making threats to people from behind the bar-”

“That was one time,” Simone cut off. “To one person who we can both agree deserved it.”

“It doesn’t matter how many times it happened or to who, Simone. The fact that it happened at all with this blatant disregard for procedure and, let’s face it, professionalism is more than enough grounds for termination.”

Simone made a soft, seething noise as she scoffed. “This is ridiculous even for you.”

I knocked on the door, cutting into their conversation. Howard smiled tensely as I entered the office. “Lena, thank you for coming in early so last minute.”

“It’s no problem,” I assured him, glancing at Simone’s tight, angry face. “I just wanted to let you know I was here, and uh, it’s probably a bad time, but… I was hoping I could reserve a table for next week, Friday, if possible?” I smiled, a gesture meant to soothe Howard's anger hopefully. “Figured I’d ask you personally, given the scheduling mishaps that have been going on.”

His gaze shifted to a book in front of him, eyes scanning along the page before he nodded and picked up a pen, writing something down. “Done.”

“Thank you,” I responded, taking a deep breath. I’d be the worst friend in the world if I just stood there and acted like Jake’s job wasn’t on the line. "And… I don't think you should fire Jake.”

"Lena-"

"You said this place was as much mine as it was yours," I pointed out, ignoring how Simone's lips tightened. "Well, it's just as much theirs as it is ours, including Jake."

"He no call-"

"No show, I know. But how many times have I done that in the past?"

Howard’s head tilted as he sighed, "That's different."

“Only because of my name. And nepotism isn’t exactly considered professional,” I pointed out.

Howard clenched his jaw as he nodded stiffly. “Nicky’s agreed to go over some things with you. I know you don’t exactly need it, but I need service to go smoothly tonight. After that, I’ll think about what course of action Jake deserves.”

“Thanks, Howard.”

Nicky smiled when he saw me and patted me on the back as I joined him behind the bar. “How bad do you think tonight’s gonna be?”

I laughed as I grabbed a knife and cut the fruit we’d need. “If Howard and Simone’s moods are any indicator, I’d say pretty fucking bad.”

He shook his head. “Well, Howard told me to show you the basics, but I think we both know you don’t need it, so if you don’t say anything, I won’t either.”

“Sounds like a good deal. Thanks, Nicky.”

Simone stormed out of Howard's office, a deep scowl on her face as she regarded me with a heated look of bitterness that made her look like my mother. Nicky’s eyebrows shot up as he mouthed ‘wow’ to me. I couldn’t have agreed more. Simone was a textbook narcissist, someone who reminded me of all the people who made my life a living hell throughout the first fifteen years.

The way she held herself higher than everyone else with that air of superiority and the honeyed words that, more often than not, extended far beyond the surface level of things was my mother. Her inability to embrace change and stubborn insistence that her way was the only way was aunt Maddie. And then there was that which was hidden far beneath the surface. That hideous thing that I only caught in glimpses, fractions of a second, where she’d let that pretty mask of hers drop to reveal what was beneath. That was him. The cursed name still brought a foul taste to my mouth whenever I felt brave enough to speak it.

I watched her prepare the dining room with Olive stuck to her side. They said little to one another, but I noted that Simone seemed to be the only person the new girl didn’t look nervous around. Instead, she held herself differently when she stood beside the blonde woman, higher in a way that made my gut tighten with the sensation that told me I shouldn’t trust her.

Service began with a rush of people flooding the front door. The poor hostess did her best to smile through the chaos and overlapping voices. Howard played the guests like a finely tuned violin, using just the right amount of flattery and bribery. He was undoubtedly in his element as a manager, more so than when I first met him. Back then, he was little more than a young man bumbling around at aunt Maddie’s every request and demand. He didn't have the spine to speak to the guests like he did now and even less charisma.

Howard stood by the bar for a while, looking out at the room full of people and the line of those waiting with grim expressions. Every few minutes, I could feel the familiar weight of his eyes watching me, a sensation that wasn’t uncomfortable but still made me feel weird. Peter had commented on his habit of watching others, particularly me, back when I was younger and timider. He made it clear that he, my dad, and even Patrick weren’t fooled by Howard’s seemingly peaceful and meek demeanor. And after everything that had happened under aunt Maddie’s nose and, in turn, Howard’s, I couldn’t exactly blame him for holding a grudge.

Olive made small talk to Nicky every few minutes as she restocked the bar, but she’d said nothing to me all night. Of course, I didn’t mind that. It wasn’t like I was dying to make conversation with her, but what did get on my nerves was the way she blatantly ignored me. “Olive, we need more ice.”

I hadn’t said it in any tone that would prompt her to ignore me, but she did anyway. Her big eyes watched the dining room, full of a sparkling wonder that, to me at least, made her look like an idiot. Nicky glanced at me and then cleared his throat. “Olive, we need more ice.”

She turned and smiled at him. “Of course! I’ll be right back!”

Scoffing, I shook it off, trying to get through the hectic night without getting dragged into whatever drama she was trying to incite. I’d been helping Ozzy run things behind the bar for years, but tonight was one of the worst nights I’d ever seen behind a bartop. Every seat at the bar was packed, which wasn’t too odd. What made it terrible was that every free inch of space around the bar was also full. Bodies stood smushed together, ordering drinks in frustrated tones and with holier-than-thou looks. Rich people suck, I reminded myself after every fake smile and over-exaggeratedly made drink. They’d put a dollar in the tip jar, and I’d want to pull all my hair out. And they’re terrible tippers.

“Olive,” I called out. “The bar needs more Opus.” The brown-haired girl didn’t pause as she walked past the bar entirely and back into the kitchen. I turned to Nicky with wide eyes that conveyed my frustration well. “Guess I’m getting it.”

He shook his head, refocusing on his drink. “Don’t sweat it. I’ve got the bar covered, Red.”

I felt somewhat relieved by the coolness of the wine cellar and the momentary freedom of fake smiles and shitty people. Scanning the shelves, I didn’t hear her steps until she cleared her throat and smiled thinly at me. “Simone,” I addressed in a bland voice. “Something I can help you with?”

“Where’s Jake?” She asked, her voice not even attempting to sound sweet or friendly anymore.

“I don’t know,” I answered.

Her red lips pursed as she let out a breath. “He was with you last night, wasn’t he?”

I nodded. “For a while, yeah. He left before everyone else. That was the last I saw of him.”

“You’re lying.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Simone. I don’t know where he is.” Shrugging my shoulders, I returned my gaze to the racks of wine. “If anything, I would have figured you’d know.”

Simone made a sound that resembled a hissing snake as she spat the words out, "I knew I was right about you. Selfish, manipulative, and dangerous."

That was enough. Fuck this. "Projecting your own shortcomings onto me isn't going to help you." Cold rage seethed from her as she straightened her back. "Just because you're feeling bitter and abandoned doesn't mean it has anything to do with me."

"Oh, but it has everything to do with you. Jake was perfectly happy before you showed up."

"Ahh, yes, because spending every night drowning out mountains of trauma with alcohol and drugs and casual sex is what all happy people do."

Her lips thinned into a tight line as she laughed. "You think you know him? You don't. I know him. I am the only one that knows him." Shaking her head, she looked me up and down. "He doesn’t care about you.” My teeth ground together as she smiled. “You aren't the first new girl Jake has gotten himself caught up in, and you certainly won't be the last. He'll get what he wants and be done with you just like all the others." She raised her hand to her chest. "I am the only person Jake would never leave."

I raised a brow, unbothered and unphased by her long-winded but ultimately meaningless words. This was a tantrum, nothing more. "I see," I started. "I wonder which one burns you most. The fact that he's giving me more attention than you or the fact that I didn't have to manipulate him when he was a child to get it."

There it was. The chip in her perfect porcelain mask shattered everything in the blink of an eye. Simone's face dropped into a dead stare, filled with every lie she told him and every excuse she made to justify what she'd done. The dead stare I’d seen before in someone else's eyes. "You don't know a goddamn thing about Jake and I. You don't know what he's been through, what I've had to sacrifice-"

"And what about him?" I demanded angrily. "What did Jake have to sacrifice to appease you? What price did you force him to pay for your so-called love?"

Her smile was deadly. Teeth bared and poison dripping from her ruby lips as she spoke her following words carefully, "You don't know anything about love, you ungrateful disappointment."

I took a step closer, the old anger I’d usually kept held back by thick restraints … a fragile thread now held that rage back. "You're the one that doesn't know anything about love. A monster like you could never even fucking imagine what it's like to actually care… To actually love someone other than yourself." I smiled one void of all joy and filled only with a promise. A promise not just on Jake’s behalf but on my own… one my monster wouldn’t ever hear. "You've read my file, but do not make the mistake of thinking you know me. All of that is surface level. Every fucked up thing you’ve read about in Howard's stupid little papers is nothing compared to the shit that’s not there. You don't know the lengths I'll go to to protect the ones I care about."

Simone laughed, baring her teeth slightly. "Is that a threat?"

"Threat, promise, it's all the same to predators like you." I grabbed the bottle of Opus off the rack next to her. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a bar to tend to."

All the way up the stairs, I could feel Simone’s hatred grow. There was no going back now, not that I’d ever want to. But, at least I could take some comfort in knowing I wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward small talk and fake requests of friendship anymore. I set the Opus next to Nicky and practically shoved my way past Olive. “I could have gotten that,” she said snarkily.

“Oh fuck off!” I shouted in the lowest tone I could, quickly shaking off the anger and returning to kissing the asses of the increasingly drunk patrons surrounding the bar.

When things finally began to slow, Nicky and I started closing down the bar, bidding our rich parasites guests farewell. I returned to the kitchen with a few plates and kindly handed them to Santos. "Crazy night, huh?"

"Yeah," I agreed, looking around at the drained faces in the kitchen. Even Isaac looked tired.

"Last desert, and then we're done!" Scott announced, reading off the final ticket and leading each area that wasn't needed in closing down for the night.

The light aroma of sweet peaches and fresh berries filled the air as they braised in the pan. Scott reached over and added a decent amount of rich amber liquor over the top of them, and the pan was set ablaze. A classic flambe. Rich, sweet, tart, everything that made a simple slice of plain cake taste heavenly.

Closing was one filled with tempered silence. Everyone was still on edge and thoroughly done with every minuscule amount of drama the night had been orchestrated with. Howard said nothing, and as soon as the dining room cleared of guests and the kitchen was shut down for the night, he walked into his office and closed the door. Simone left without a word to anyone, and with her gone, everyone else seemed to breathe a breath of fresh air. The locker room was packed with employees who all gossiped about the awful night.

Heather shook her head as she threw her shirt on. “Jake had the right idea skipping out tonight.”

Ari scoffed. “An idea that cost him his job.”

“Howard won’t fire him,” Heather argued. “Simone would raise hell if he even tried.”

“I don’t know,” Will interjected. “Did you see Howard tonight? I’ve never seen him that angry.”

I tried to drown them out, trying not to focus on anything that would potentially drag me down into the twisted thoughts that made me worry about Jake. Then, in the corner of my eye, I saw Ari handing out little pills. Sasha held out his hand, and she paused. “Thought you were done with these.”

The man rolled his eyes and plucked the pill out of her fingers with a bitter phrase in Russian. Everyone filed out, heading down to the bar to drown the night out in booze, everyone but Sasha. He sat on the old couch, holding the little pink pill between his fingers with a contemplating look.

“Want some company?” I asked, leaning against my locker.

He sighed and patted the seat next to him. “It’s a generous offer, little Tiger. But I don’t know if it’ll help now.”

It wasn’t the best idea, but it could help. I moved to Jake’s locker and opened it, pulling out his extra stash of cigarettes. “Wanna share one?”

Sasha smiled. “Of course.”

He lit the cigarette, taking a deep breath of the smoke as he set the pill down on the uneven coffee table in front of him. “You okay?”

“No,” he admitted. “But I have to be.”

“You don’t have to be right now,” I answered. “For the duration of this cigarette, I give you permission not to be okay.”

"I am homesick." He shook his head. "It feels like everyone I love there is sick or dying or being carted off to prison, and I…" He wiped away his tears. "I cannot go home."

"I'm sorry, Sasha." I sighed. "When my dad died, I felt like life was going to explode. I still feel that way sometimes. I know it can never compare to what you're going through, but I'm here whenever you need someone to not be okay with."

He chuckled and nodded to the pill. "So, what was it that got you into the filthy habit?"

"Well, I started with Adderall to try and achieve my mother's impossible standards."

Sasha nodded, breathing out the smoke and handing me the cigarette. "And then? How'd you go from the little babies to the big boys?"

I took a long drag, closing my eyes for a moment, trying to focus on the burn of the smoke in my lungs. "Oh, come on, baby girl, you know you want to try it." Then, with a shaky exhale, I shook my head, staring at the embers sparking in the burning edge with a tiny hope that the smoke would help keep the bitter taste out of my mouth as I answered, "His name was Tony."

"Ahh, I should have guessed it was a boy." Sasha breathed, wiggling his fingers for the cigarette again. "Was it love at first sight?"

My jaw clenched, and a wave of disgust and shame hit me in the chest. "Not for me."

The Russian tilted his head, taking in my stiffness. With a soft noise, he carefully stroked my cheek. "Well, if I know one thing from our time together, it is this; he did not deserve you, Tiger Bitch."

"Thank you," I whispered. "So, are you gonna take it?"

"No," he sighed, looking at the little pill. "I don't need it anymore." He flicked it into the sink and took hold of my hand, pressing a smokey kiss to my knuckles. "Thank you, my tiger."

"Thank you, my little Russian prince," I responded.

"So, tell me what happened between you and blondie."

"God, you guys are the worst gossip."

He shrugged. “You don’t have to say anything. I’ll make up a story I think is fun.”

I laughed, the tension slowly easing out of my shoulders. “I don’t know which is worse.”

“My version,” he replied with a wicked grin. “Obviously.”

“You guys want to come to the bar tonight?” I asked, standing up and smiling down at him. “Ozzy’s pulling out the big gun tonight.”

“What is the big gun?”

“Karaoke machine.”

Sasha’s face gleamed as he jumped off the couch laughing. “You save us seats! I will rally the people!”

Jake downed the shot like his life depended on it, and the irrational part of him that the alcohol seemed to make louder argued that it did rely on it. After waking up on the bathroom floor and having another panic attack, clutching onto some stupid frog, he’d started drinking again. Once he ran out of beer at home and received more messages and calls from Simone, all pissed off and saying she’d had enough of his shit, he migrated to Home Bar, where he sat in front of the busty bartender and drank everything she put in front of him. Vivian smiled as she set down another drink. “Take it easy, tiger.”

He chuckled, giving her a nice view of his flirtatious smile, the one he’d used to sleep with her the first time, while he admired the way her boobs spilled out of her corset top. Tiger. The word rolled around in his head, conjuring up the image of Lena’s tattoo and bringing a genuine smile to his face. He swallowed the second shot, shaking his head as if the alcohol swishing around in his mouth would clear away the fond thoughts of the redheaded woman.

Someone gently tapped on his shoulder, drawing his blurry vision to the side where Tess stood. Jake blinked a few times, the image slowly becoming clearer and clearer until Olive’s stupid smile and big eyes looked at him with glee. “Hey,” she said. “I didn’t think I’d see you here tonight.”

“Well, here I am,” he replied, stretching his arms out with a tight grin.

“Everyone seemed to miss you at work today,” she continued.

He scoffed. “Yeah, right. You want me to fuck you, Olive?”

She looked taken aback for a second, her innocent little brain reeling at his forwardness. “I-I…” she stammered before taking a minute to regain her composure. She nodded. “Yeah… I do…”

Jake stood up, using the bar to steady himself as he grabbed her hand and pushed through the crowd toward the back booth. He sat down, adjusting himself in the poorly cushioned seat and looking at her. “Well, come on then.”

For a minute, he thought that would be the end of it. She certainly looked like she was going to turn tail and run, but for once since he’d met her, she’d surprised him. Olive straddled his lap and nervously looked down at him. “You don’t-”

“Just don’t talk,” he bit out, pulling her head down with one of his hands and messily pressing his lips to hers.

As he kissed her, Jake found himself thinking about Tess… the way she looked and even the way she sounded as she responded to his kiss and touch was too much like her. Tess had been one of the few people he didn’t plan on sleeping with when he’d rejected her the first time. That should have been the end of it, but then he’d gotten a call from Simone. Beneath Olive’s hand on his cheek, his jaw clenched. Simone had not so subtly told him to sleep with her. “She just needs to get it out of her system,” she’d said. “And maybe you need to get it out of yours.”

Jake approached the back waiter the next night, took her out to some shitty diner, and took her home. What was surprising was how much he enjoyed it. Tess was sweet and soft and everything he thought he wanted when he actually let himself imagine a future outside of 22West… and outside of Simone. He’d taken it more seriously than Simone had anticipated, which sent her into a spiral of worry. With Etienne and his bullshit, as well as Tess’ behavior toward her behind his back, Simone had turned to drinking all the time, even at work, something she still occasionally did but had improved since Tess’ departure.

That unsettled feeling began to drown out the buzz of the alcohol as Olive’s hands ran down his chest. The realization came a moment later. When he’d brought up the similarities to Tess, Simone's tone yesterday was the same one she’d had when she told him to sleep with her. That was what he’d seen and felt when she’d spoken to him at the bar. Simone wanted him to sleep with Olive… but why?

He pulled back and sucked in a deep breath of air as Olive’s dainty hands began undoing his belt. Jake tried to forget about Simone and everything else… tried to give in and let this happen. Maybe he did need this? Maybe that’s what Simone had been trying to tell him. His fingers ran through her hair, and his heart dropped. Brown, not red. Jake looked down at her round brown eyes as Olive tried to kiss him again. He grabbed her arms and not so nicely shoved her off of him into the booth before he stood, grabbed his cigarettes, and headed toward the door.

Olive yelled after him, but Jake's mind was made up. He didn't want brown hair between his fingers. He wanted red. He didn't want cold, pale, or dark eyes looking up at him, pupils blown wide with lust… He wanted that vibrant green that filled with every emotion she felt at any given moment. Jake didn't want to listen to Simone. He didn't want Tess or Olive. Jake wanted Lena.

Karaoke night at Ozzy’s was exactly what everyone needed after the night of god-awful service. Sasha and Ari commanded the stage as they belted out the words to some popular song and danced around on the stage. Quinn cheered Ari on at the front of the stage, looking up at her with a big smile, not-so-subtle kisses, and winks. Prue and Will bobbed along with the terrible rendition of the song, making plans to go see a movie. He blushed whenever she complimented his sign language. Everyone else was scattered around, standing at the bar for drinks or mingling in the crowd of people all here to have a good time.

I sat down in our booth and watched the front door, hopefully expecting Jake to come strolling in with his stupid hat and stupid face and stupid everything. But the longer I watched, the more obvious it became that he wasn’t coming, and that only made me feel more nervous about how I hadn’t heard from him since last night. Then, finally, Sasha and Ari finished their song and were met with boisterous cheers from the crowd. They hurried over to our table and sat down, chugging the glasses of water Ozzy had brought.

“Are you going to participate in the fun, Tiger Bitch?” Sasha asked with an arched brow.

“No,” I answered.

Quinn pulled herself away from Ari’s lips to boo at me. “Come on. You’re so good at it, though!”

Will leaned his head on top of Prue’s and smiled. “You a performer?”

“No.”

Quinn rolled her eyes and pulled Ari’s lips back to hers. Prue shook her head a little, pulling back to talk to Will. “She’s just being modest.”

"You should go on," he encouraged. "I'm sure Sasha would join you!"

Sasha grinned. "I would if our tiger is content to play second fiddle!"

Heather laughed. "I think you'd be second fiddle in that match-up."

"I am always the star," Sasah replied, giving Heather a look. "Russians don't play second fiddle."

As I watched my newly grown group of friends argue over who was born for stardom, I couldn't help but focus on how my oldest friends quickly lost themselves in their newfound love. I couldn't help but feel that little green monster bite me again. I wanted that. I wanted the sweet puppy love that Prue and Will had and the passionate one Quinn and Ari shared. It had been years since I'd felt the softness of romantic love. Sex had been fine, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't what they had. Dom tapped my shoulder, pulling my attention back from the short pity party, and leaned down. “Hey, one of my boys just told me your guy was outside making a scene.”

“Jake?” I asked a dumb sense of relief washing over me.

He nodded. “I figured I’d let you handle it rather than me or my boys. You know, spare the kid a black eye.”

“Thanks, Dom,” I said, standing up and quickly approaching the front door. The bikers were crowded around two people facing each other, one of them being Jake. He was clearly not himself as he egged on the biker, trying to get him to fight him by the look of it. Finally, the biker stepped out of the way of Jake’s sluggish hit, and he fell to the ground, laughing.

“This guy’s fucking nuts,” one of them said as I pushed through the crowd.

"Hey, tough guy," I said, kneeling to get a better look at him.

Jake smiled widely, his hand reaching out to run up my arms. "Lena," he breathed out. "I was lookin’ for you."

"I heard," I said, pressing a hand to his face. He was hot, leaning into my chilled touch with a content sigh.

"You're so soft."

Looking up at the bikers, I waved off their concern. "I've got him. Thank you, guys." I grabbed Jake's arm and carefully started pulling him to his feet. "Let's take a quick walk."

He walked as much as he could but leaned heavily on me as we headed toward The Ring. The abrasive smell of booze, cocaine, and throw-up burnt my nose. “I threw up on my shirt,” he mumbled.

“I see that,” I answered, struggling with the door. “Are you feeling a little better, though?”

“Yeah,” he said, curling a finger around my hair. “You’re here.”

Patrick’s eyebrows shot up as I pulled him into the building. “A little help?”

He wrapped Jake’s arm around his shoulders and took most of the weight. “Taking him upstairs?”

“Yeah, he’s pretty out of it.”

“Pete’s gonna love this.”

The stairs leading to the apartment were the hardest part as Jake seemingly decided he was done with our walk and stopped moving his feet. Patrick had to grab hold of him and hoist him up each step, nearly falling through the door as I opened it. Peter sat at the table, sipping a mug of tea or something hot with a book in his free hand as we clamored around each other and Jake.

Patrick hit his knee on the side of the doorframe and abruptly dropped his hold of Jake, sending the half-coherent man falling forward into my chest. Jake rubbed his cheek against my skin and hummed, perfectly content. Peter slowly set his cup down and leaned back in his chair. “How was Ozzy’s?”

“Good,” Patrick answered after letting loose a slew of curse words. “Picked up a friend.”

“I see that.”

“Can we not do this right now?” I huffed out, slowly tilting back beneath Jake’s weight. “He’s about to take me down.”

Peter smirked. “I think he’d enjoy that.”

“Peter!”

Between the three of us, we managed to drag Jake to my room and flop him down on my bed, where he curled his face into a pillow and breathed in deeply, mumbling something about cherries. I sucked in a breath of air. “I’ll go get the extra blankets,” Peter offered.

“I’ve got the upchuck bowl,” Patrick followed.

I carefully helped Jake lean forward to slip his jacket off and take hold of the bottom of his shirt. “Hey, I’m gonna take your shirt off, okay?”

He smirked. “You can do whatever you want to me, princess.”

“Okay…” I slid his shirt up, carefully avoiding the splotches of throw-up that would no doubt stain the material. Jake sucked in a deep breath every time my skin brushed against his. His hands slid down to my hips, holding me against him as his eyes trailed down my face before I moved the shirt over his head. “There. Now let’s get your shoes off.”

He reluctantly let go of my hips so I could turn around and try tugging the shoes off his heavy feet. His fingers ran through my hair. "Mmm, red…" he mumbled. "That's better." I giggled, tugging off his shoes, pausing slightly when his fingers trailed down, lazily dragging along the curve of my tattoo. I turned my head, and he looked up at me, moving his fingers to my cheek. "You're beautiful."

“And you’re really, really out of it,” I said, desperately trying to ignore how his words… his soft eyes made my heart flutter. Jake smiled, soft and full of admiration, ultimately forcing me to clear my throat and stand up. “I’ll have the guys toss this in the wash.”

My brothers were already by the door, holding two thick blankets and a giant bowl our family used when someone got sick. They shoved the things into my arms and peeked into my room. "Are you okay with this?" Peter asked softly. "Patrick, or I can take care of him."

"I've got it, Pete," I assured him with a smile.

Patrick ruffled my hair. "We're one holler away if you need us, little sister."

I tossed the blankets in my armchair by the door and set the bowl on top of them, combing my hair down and lovingly flipping them off before turning and closing the door. My bed was empty. "Jake?" The bathroom door creaked slightly, and a light commotion echoed in the bathroom. I carefully pushed it open to find Jake lying shirtless in the bathtub. His eyes screwed shut as he tried to steady his breathing. "Jake?"

"I just need a minute," he said breathlessly. Then, frustrated and embarrassed, his face tightened.

"That's okay," I said slowly, standing next to the tub. "There any room for one more?"

Jake looked up at me for a minute before silently sitting up and making space for me to climb into the tub with him. It was tight and uncomfortable, but I could tell that having me close helped him relax. "This is fucking ridiculous."

"Yeah, I've always said they need to make bathtubs bigger."

He chuckled. "Not that." Gesturing to himself, he scoffed. "Me. I'm… I'm being fucking stupid."

"No, you aren't," I assured him, resting my chin on my knees. "If it works, it's not stupid."

I thought he was going to laugh again, but instead, he made a strange noise. "You know, I used to lay in the bathtub at Simone's parent's house and hold my breath until I felt like I was going to pass out." The confession was quiet but focused. His tense posture didn't shift as he continued, "I wanted to feel what she did… Wanted to know if my mom suffered when she drowned." He shook his head as if he was trying to keep certain memories from taking root. "When I was a bit older, I added water - almost accidentally drowned myself before Simone found me. She was livid. Dragged me out of the bath and screamed at me for being selfish and stupid. And that was when she told me the truth." He took deep breaths as his face twisted into an expression of anger and guilt. "It wasn't an accident. My mom… She walked into the water, and she chose to die."

I forced myself to stay calm, though the new information made my own guilt about Jake's involvement with my trauma rage inside me. This isn't about me. This is about him. I reminded myself. I wouldn't force my guilt on him, not when it wasn't his fault I felt that way, not when he needed me at this moment. "I'm sorry, Jake. That… That doesn't sound like it was easy."

His eyes met mine as a tear escaped his tight hold. "What did I do? What did I do to make her do that?" Oh, Jake… He shook his head, laughing quietly. "I know I'm an insufferable asshole… I know I'm annoying, selfish, and manipulative… But I just…." All I could hear was Simone. This was her voice in his head, her voice telling him it was his fault, that he was the problem.

"Listen to me," I instructed softly as I moved in the small tub, practically laying on top of him as I took hold of his face. "It wasn't your fault. None of it." He started to shake his head again, but I held firm. "You are not annoying or selfish or manipulative. You are a human being… One that is an asshole sometimes, but you just so happen to be one of the nicest assholes I've ever met."

"You don't really think that," he insisted.

"I told you about my mom," I countered. "I told you about my very impressive criminal record. If I wanted to lie to you, Jake, I would've done it by now."

He closed his eyes, leaning into my hands for a minute before quietly asking, "Why is it so easy with you?"

"Must be my unparalleled charisma."

Jake laughed, bright blue eyes staring up at me, free of his usual restrictions. I could see everything he felt and realized why he always forced himself to look so grumpy. Those blue eyes studied my face before moving to my hair as he lifted a hand to run his fingers through it. "I never thought I'd get this attached to you." He shook his head. "You were supposed to be easy… A quick fling to make me feel better."

I refrained from laughing. "Do I not make you feel better?"

"You do," he admitted. "You make me feel like myself."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

Another tear rolled down his cheek. "It's been a long time since I've been me."

I brushed it away with my thumbs and smiled. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I really like you. The real you.”

With a smile, he nodded. “I really like you too.”

“Come on,” I gestured toward my room. “Let’s get you back in bed so you can sleep this off and wake up to that hangover.” With some help, he was back on his feet, and clumsily we made it back to my room, where he collapsed on my bed and watched me as I moved around the room to grab the blankets and bowl. I set it down on his side and smiled. “Just in case you can’t reach the bathroom again.”

Unfolding the blanket, I spread it out over the top of him before grabbing my pajamas and changing quickly in the bathroom. Jake was still awake when I got back, watching the door for me. I sat on the empty side of the bed, gathered my pillow, and got ready to head to Patrick or Peter’s room for the night. Jake turned to look at me over his shoulder, and quietly he said, "You still owe me one.”

"I'm not kissing you," I replied with a shake of my head. "Especially not when you're this fucked up."

Jake looked nervous as he turned his head to look at me with those big watery eyes. "I wasn't gonna ask for that."

I finished taking my shoes off, tossing them in the far corner of my room. "What then?"

"Will you…" He paused. "Will you just… Hold me?"

It was such a simple request, one that was filled with years of vulnerable needs that had been pushed aside or ignored. I could see the doubt in his eyes as he waited for me to deny him this comfort as everyone else had before. He wouldn't get that denial tonight, not from me. I readjusted on the bed, fluffing my pillow before turning on my side toward him, carefully wrapping my arms around his bare, tense back. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah…" He whispered, reaching up to gently hold my hand, pressing it to the heartbeat that pounded in his chest. "It's perfect."

I leaned over and kissed his cheek before I curled up again and set my forehead between his shoulder blades. “Goodnight, Jake.”

He didn’t say it back, just yawned and mumbled my name as he slowly relaxed into the soft bedding. The longer I lay there, pressed up against his warm skin, the more unavoidable the truth became. I was comfortable… I felt happy and safe alone in a room with Jake. My fingers gently traced the dark ink around his lower bicep, a thick band of black, before moving to the long-stemmed flowers that intricately lined the skin of his upper arm. As I traced the lines of his tattoos, I quietly admitted to myself that I liked Jake… Liked him more than I anticipated.

"I never thought I'd get this attached to you either,” I whispered before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep, holding onto Jake with the silent promise that I’d still be there when he woke up.

Irish folk music blared through the walls, pulling me out of my blissful sleep, curled into the warmth on the right-hand side of the bed. With a frustrated groan, I rolled over and walked to the door, opening it to peek out at the two shirtless idiots that were arguing over who got the shower first. “TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!”

“JESUS!” Patrick yelled back. “Don’t gotta yell, girly.”

“Turn. It. Down.” I pointed my finger at Peter. “Don’t make me get my gloves.”

Peter chuckled. “Relax, sis, I’ll have him turn it down.”

Turning back, I slammed my door and flopped back onto my bed, resting my head against the lean muscle of Jake’s chest. My eyes shot open. Jake's chest? I lifted my head and looked down at him, those blue eyes shining in the sunlight as he looked up at me with a smirk. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” I said, still slightly dazed as the events of last night came back to me in a rush. “How are you feeling?”

“Good, all things considered,” he answered, eyes drifting down to look at my sleepwear. “I’ve got a few questions, though.”

I scratched my head, sitting up to give him some space. “I’m guessing the first one is something along the lines of ‘what the fuck am I doing in your bed’?”

He nodded. “Something like that, yeah.”

“Well, I don’t have a full account of where you were yesterday, but at around ten, you showed up outside Ozzy’s and tried to fight a biker. So I brought you up to Patrick and Peter’s - my dad’s old place - and put you to bed.”

“Where’d my shirt go?”

“In the wash,” I answered with a smirk. “You threw up on it somewhere along your journey.”

He sighed. “That’s a new low, even for me.”

I shrugged. “Eh, it could’ve been worse.” After a minute of Irish folk music playing in the background, I picked at my nails. “So… how much do you remember about last night?”

“Not a lot,” he said. “Why? Did I do something embarrassing?”

“Depends on what you consider embarrassing.”

“Well, my pants are still on, so that’s a good sign.”

I met his curious gaze. “Do you remember climbing into my bathtub?”

Jake’s smile faded as he nodded. “I remember that yeah.”

Good, I breathed a sigh of relief and nudged him. “Do you remember practically inhaling my pillows and calling me beautiful?”

He rolled his eyes. “You can’t blame me for the pillows. They’re soft, and they…” Then, pausing, he shook his head, committing to whatever words he held back. “They smell like you.”

“I smell like me, too,” I retorted. “And you’re not constantly trying to inhale me.”

“I would,” he replied, pulling his arms behind his head to lounge. “That cherry vibe you’ve got really does it for me.”

I shoved his knee. “Weirdo.”

“As for calling you beautiful, I hardly think that’s a surprise.” His eyes looked me up and down. “You are beautiful. And you know it, which is kind of hot.”

Standing, I shook my head at him. “Shower’s through there, though my idiot brothers will likely be hogging all the hot water. Any preferences for breakfast?”

Jake sat up fully, eyes glued to my exposed legs. “I believe I was promised shitty eggs a while ago.”

“Shitty eggs it is,” I replied. “I’ll grab your shirt for you and leave it on my bed.”

Patrick and Peter turned to look at me when I closed my bedroom door. Peter nodded to the full coffee pot and smiled. “Figured you’d be out here pretty quick this morning.”

Patrick sipped at his mug. “How’s your little boyfriend?”

“He’s fine,” I answered, grabbing a pan and the eggs out of the fridge.

“Ohhh making him breakfast too?” Patrick added. “How domestic!”

I slapped his back with the spatula. “Shut up and behave yourself! He had a rough night. The last thing he needs is you two morons making this weird.”

Peter looked up from the paper. “We’ll be perfect, gentlemen.”

Patrick stood next to the bathroom door. “Oi! Don’t run the sink while the showers on, or you’ll be tapping ice off that pecker!”

My head hit the dryer as I groaned. “I fucking hate you two.” I grabbed Jake’s shirt out of the dryer and put it on my bed.

Cooking was the only part of the morning I enjoyed. It was simple and straightforward, with the room to be as good as you made it. Breakfast was something I could control, one of the few things in life that only changed when I did so. The eggs were simple enough, an old staple from living with my dad and brothers before going back to my mom. Dad always called them "shitty eggs" though it was arguable that they only tasted shitty when he cooked them.

Having a background in food, I took on most meals after I came to live here permanently. That was when "shitty eggs" turned into "omelets". Dad still cooked his horrible breakfast for me when I'd drained myself on a bender or just had a bad night. Shitty eggs came back into use after he died, and Patrick and I had to keep things afloat while Peter went through chemo.

The shower turned off, and a few moments later, Jake came out of my room, fixing his shirt and jacket with a blank expression I now saw through. He was nervous. Clearing his throat, he looked around, taking in the small space of bright colors and thrifted furniture. Patrick broke the silence, lifting his mug, "Good morning."

"Morning," Jake replied stiffly.

Peter smiled from behind his book and gestured to the seat across from him. "Breakfast should be ready any minute."

Jake sat down, setting his hands on top of the table and tapping his fingers against the old wood. “This is a nice place.”

“It’s small,” Patrick said. “But it’s got a lot of history.”

“I can imagine. How long have you all lived here?”

“It’s been in the family for years, so pretty much forever,” Peter answered. “Well, except for Patrick. He came to live with us when we were… I don’t know… eight, nine, maybe?”

Jake’s brows furrowed slightly. “You’re not related?”

Patrick shook his head, his face tighter as he worked past the slightly uncomfortable question. “Nah, I lived on the street before Jack found me. The orphanage didn’t exactly appeal to my tastes.”

“Both your parents died then?”

“Don’t know,” Patrick admitted quietly, looking down at the coffee swirling in his mug. “Never asked.”

Sensing the rising tension in the burly man, I turned the stovetop off and plated the eggs, serving them quickly and clapping my hand on his shoulder. “Family ain’t always blood.”

That brought a smile to his face as he looked up at me and nodded. “Family’s more than blood.”

“Alright, enough talking. Eat before your food gets cold,” I instructed everyone, taking my seat across from Patrick beside Jake.

He looked at the plate of eggs and then at me, “These are supposed to be shitty?”

I laughed. “It’s just what we call eggs around here.”

“Shitty eggs were dad's specialty,” Peter mused with a grin. “Man could cook any meat you gave him but would always manage to fuck up the eggs.”

“I liked his eggs,” Patrick insisted.

“Yeah, well, you were a kiss ass.”

He flipped me off and used his fork to shovel the food into his mouth as quickly as possible. Patrick was a notorious inhaler of anything edible. It was most likely a residual habit from his time living on the streets, but it became rather endearing. Finally, he gulped down his coffee and stood, clearing his dishes and giving me a kiss on the head. “You’re on Ozzy duty today. Try and be quick. He’s getting sneaky about showing up early.”

“Stubborn old goat,” I replied into my eggs.

Patrick gave Jake a pat on the arm as he passed and rubbed Peter’s bald head. “Have a good day, misfits!”

Jake ate slowly, being far quieter than I expected him to be. Peter kept looking up at him every few minutes, watchful and a little bit amused. “What are your plans for today, Pete?”

“A whole lot of nothing,” he answered. “I gotta feed the alley cats in a few minutes, though.”

“You and your strays,” I mumbled. “How many came last time?”

“Twenty-three.”

I smiled. “Maybe you can start your own show. The Cat Man.”

He laughed. “You’re hilarious.” Then, gathering his dishes and disappearing into his room to get the bag of cat goodies he’d kept on hand, he stole a chunk of my eggs off my plate and headed toward the door, “Thanks for breakfast, sis!”

“You’re welcome, asshole!”

The door closed, and the quiet buzz of the city waking up outside was all that remained. When Jake and I had finished our food, I took our dishes and started washing them while he looked around the apartment more carefully than he had before. He picked up picture frames and leafed through books left lying around. It was weird having him here, a place that had been - and still was - one of my safe havens from the world outside. But as weird as it was, it felt… natural… like Jake belonged here just as much as I did.

I was surprised when he didn’t ask any questions, though maybe he wasn’t feeling particularly curious after the night he had. “So…” I started, “What happened yesterday?”

He shrugged. “It’s a bit of a blur, to be honest.”

“I… I was worried about you.” He turned his head, eyes meeting mine for only a moment before he looked away. “We all were.”

With a scoff, he plucked a book off a table. “I doubt that.”

“So it may have mainly been me, but still.” I refocused on the dishes as I asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Jake answered. “I think I did enough whining last night.”

I turned to him and shook my head. “That’s not what that was.”

His smile wasn’t real but rather a visual defense he put up to try and breeze past the uncomfortable topic. “Crying in your bathtub over my dead mom sounds an awful lot like whining to me.”

“Then you need a new definition of whining.” I placed the dishes on the rack to dry and leaned back against the counter. “It was brave of you to admit all of that to me. Even if you don’t think so.”

"I'm sorry for putting all this on you," he said after a long moment of silence. The shame and guilt lace his words as well as his eyes.

"Don't apologize for that. Not to me."

He smiled a little at my use of his own words against him. “Thanks.”

“So… you have plans today?” I asked.

“Not really,” he admitted. “Unless avoiding Simone’s phone calls counts as plans.”

“Is she that upset?” Part of me felt gladdened by that fact… glad that he’d sought me out and not her, but I forced myself to let that go as Jake looked up worriedly.

“She’s livid. I haven’t pulled something like this in a while, and let’s just say, after everything I put her through a few months ago, this is kind of the last straw with her. Howard too.” He looked back down at his hands as he shrugged. “Apparently, I have behavioral issues.”

With a laugh, I made a face. “Behavioral issues? That doesn’t sound like you at all!” Jake only rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Well, I’ve got some errands to run today, but you’re more than welcome to tag along.”

He considered my offer for a minute. “You sure I won’t annoy you?”

“Oh, I’m positive you will,” I answered with a smirk. “But I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” he said. “What’s first?”

“I’m going to get dressed, so why don’t you head down to the gym and wait? Patrick will probably keep you pretty entertained.”

He nodded, following my advice and heading down the narrow steps to The Ring while I headed back to my room. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before digging through my drawers to find the right size of clothes. I really need to clean in here. Pulling a pair of jeans on and throwing on the first t-shirt I could find, I moved back to the bathroom to quickly pull my messy hair into two simple braids on either side of my head, combing down the shorter strands that refused to cooperate with a bit of water.

The lights in the gym flipped on as I descended the steps. I could hear Patrick’s loud voice coaching, and as I rounded the corner, I could see Jake standing in front of a punching bag with a pair of gloves on and a curious glint in his eyes. Leaning back against the wall, I watched the two of them for a minute. Pat showed him a few practice punches, moving through each step slowly so Jake could watch and learn the proper technique. His fists hit the bag in quick strikes, landing exactly where intended in seconds.

Jake did his best, throwing out slower punches and focusing more on the technique behind them rather than hitting as hard as possible. The last hit rattled the chains holding the bag in place. Patrick hummed. “Not bad. If you’re really lookin to learn a thing or two, Lil miss Leanin’ Lena could surely teach you.”

I scrunched up my nose and stepped toward them. “I hate it when you call me that.”

“It’s cute,” Patrick insisted.

“Not as cute as Prancin’ Pattie.”

He pointed at me with a deep glare. “It’s Powerful Pattie, now!”

I nudged Jake. “Come on, tough guy, we’ve got work to do.” He gave his gloves back to Patrick and followed me toward the alley door. “See you later, Prancin’!”

Dodging the rag he tossed my way, I pulled the old door open and led Jake out to the alley. Peter was a way down, sitting on the ground with bowls of cat food neatly lined up along the wall and about thirty cats purring and rubbing themselves on him. He waved to us as we made our way across the alley to Jack and Ozzy’s back door.

“Isn’t it a bit early to be opening the bar?” He asked as we moved down the stairs into the dark space.

Flipping on the lights, I answered, “We’re not opening it. Patrick and I alternate helping Oz every morning. He doesn’t know, so keep it quiet, but he’s not getting any younger, and he gets messier every day, so we organize the ledgers and make sure he can find everything he needs to and move some boxes around, and unpack some things. You know, the usual.”

Jake chuckled, sitting and watching me as I moved around behind the bar. “That sounds like a lot of work.”

“It’s not so bad,” I assured him. “Besides, I know Oz would do it for me if the roles were reversed.”

“I’m pretty sure you could get a homeless person to do this for you if you really wanted.”

I grinned at him. “Because I’m so lovable?”

“I was gonna say convincing,” he replied. “But lovable works too, I guess.”

“Well, get up and help me unbox these cases,” I replied, nodding to the boxes shoved off to the far end of the bar.

He stepped around, taking my place as I moved to the back office and flipped the light on. Ozzy’s office was always a mess, but it was more organized chaos than anything. He had specific stacks of papers dedicated to bills and health inspections, and inventory. The one thing he always seemed to lose track of was his reading glasses, so Patrick and I got him a container to put them in and painted it the ugliest, brightest yellow we could find. He still lost them, but it wasn’t as often now.

I could hear Jake unboxing and stacking the alcohol while I tidied a space in the center of Ozzy’s things and staged everything he’d need to look over for the day so he’d find it easily but not suspect mine or Patrick’s involvement. Ozzy loved having us help out around the bar, but when it came to the little things like bills and paperwork, things he contributed to his share of work within our odd little family, he was insistent on doing it himself. Hence the sneaking in and secrecy.

After the office looked just right, I rejoined Jake in the front. His eyes lit up as he admired the back wall of every alcohol Ozzy kept on the shelf. He’d gotten through one case and had just opened the other that was filled with more glassware. Side by side, we polished the glasses when Jake suddenly chuckled. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” he replied with a huge grin. “Just remembering that night you stayed late so Nicky could go to his kid's recital or whatever.”

“Oh god,” I grumbled.

“What was it you said?” He asked through his laughter. “You can flirt with me all you want, but that’s as far as you’re gonna get?”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

He set his glass up, leaning against the bar. “And here we are. Having shared a bed not once but twice. Having seen each other half naked and at our lowest.” With a thoughtful hum, he looked around the empty bar. “Who would’ve thought?”

“Not me,” I answered, turning to grab another glass to hide the blush that crept up my neck. “If I recall correctly, you didn’t exactly take that well.”

“I didn’t,” he admitted. “Can’t blame me, though.” He gestured to me. “Look at you. Anyone would be a bit grumpy after getting rejected by you.”

“I hardly rejected you.” I shook my head and watched him polish the last glass, focusing far too closely on his fingers and the way his muscles moved when he held the glass just a little tighter. “I just didn’t want you to think your hard work flirting with me was going to get you anywhere.”

He narrowed his eyes and shrugged. “It got me pretty far.”

I grabbed hold of the empty boxes and rolled my eyes at him. “Whatever you say, grump.”

After finishing up at Ozzy’s, Jake went to the store with me. It was not at all how I’d imagined my day going, but there we were, walking side by side down the isles working through the list Peter had given me. Placing the cat food in our small cart, Jake looked up at me and asked, “So Patrick really lived on the streets?”

“Yeah,” I answered, dropping another item into the cart. “He doesn’t like to talk about it much, but from what I know, his parents dropped him off at the fire station and just vanished. He was in the orphanage for a while, and then he moved to foster care, but you’ve met Pat he’s… he’s a lot. After another family ditched him, he just kind of ran away.”

“And your dad just took him in?”

I nodded. “Pat would use the gym to sleep during the winters. My dad caught him a few times before he finally got the chance to invite him upstairs for a warm meal. After that, he just kind of… stayed. My dad adopted him when he was thirteen.”

Jake shook his head. “I never would’ve guessed it. The two of you look related, and you certainly act like you are.”

“Family’s more than blood,” I repeated. “Patrick might not be my blood, but he’s my family. We bicker, fight, and poke fun at each other, but we also help each other with anything and everything without judgment.”

That last bit made Jake’s eyes scrunch up. It shouldn’t have surprised me that the notion of no judgments was something he’d have a hard time believing. After all, he grew up with Simone, the queen of judging. “Oh, pass me a thing of mustard,” he said after checking the list again. I leaned back and grabbed one of the bottles, handing it to him so he could toss it in the cart. “Thanks.”

We got back to the apartment around noon, and the gym was in full swing. Patrick coached from the side of one of the rings, holding his hand out to give me the money for his share of the groceries and taking a water bottle from one of the bags. While Jake and I put things away, my stomach growled. “Hey, do you like middle eastern food?”

“I guess,” he replied, shutting the fridge. “Don’t think I’ve had much of it.”

“Wanna grab some lunch? I know a pretty good spot.”

Nana’s wasn’t too busy when we walked across the street and into the front door. Her place was small and only really well known among the locals of the neighborhood, which was another reason we all loved it so much. The first person I saw was Dom, sitting in his corner with a few of his boys talking business. The second was Nana, though I didn’t see her so much as the headscarf covering my eyes as she tugged me into her tight embrace.

“Habibi!” she cheered as she pulled back, smiling warmly, and she pinched my cheeks, fussing over my thin frame before finally taking notice of Jake. Her eyes grew nearly as wide as the rims of her glasses as she looked back at me with a raised brow. “And who might this strapping young man be?”

I smiled, carefully pulling Jake forward so Nana could devour him. “Nana, this is Jake. Jake, this is Aya Nazari.”

“Please call me Nana!” The old woman insisted. With raised brows, she turned back to me and whispered, too loudly, “He’s very handsome.”

Jake smirked as he pretended not to hear her. “Think you can squeeze us in for lunch?”

“Of course!” She shouted, shoving both of us toward a table closest to the front. “How hungry are you? Just a little or a lot?” I opened my mouth to answer, but she waved me off, “I’ll just bring you all your favorites!”

“Nana!” I tried, but the old woman was already gone to the back of the kitchen.

Jake settled into his seat with raised brows. “Your grandma is quick.”

I sighed. “Yeah, prepare yourself for at least five full meals.”

“I knew I shoulda worn my sweat pants,” he teased, eyes turning to the diner to look around.

“You do that everywhere you go?” I asked, finally letting my curiosity win out.

“What?”

“That serious study you do of every new place.” I did my best to recreate it. “You do it everywhere, or are the places I bring you just really interesting?”

Jake shrugged, looking around with a smile. “You do bring me to some pretty interesting places. But, yeah, I do it everywhere. You can get a lot of information from people’s spaces. It helps me get a sense of what to expect.”

“Not a surprise guy, I take it?”

“No,” he chuckled. “I hate surprises.”

I nodded in agreeance. “Agreed. Surprises suck.”

Nana brought water to our table with a bright smile. “Abdul is working on your food.” She pulled up a chair and settled in next to us. “So, tell me about yourself, Jake.”

“There’s not much to tell,” he answered.

“Nonsense!” Nana insisted. “If my Lena is with you, you must be special!” She pinched my cheek. “She has an eye for good souls.”

Abdul shouted from the back, and Nana sighed, standing up to shout back at him. I cleared my throat with a sip of water. “Sorry about her. She’s kind of nosey.”

He kept looking around with a faint smile on his lips. “Old people usually are.”

Lunch with Jake proved to be an interesting thing. He didn’t open up much more about his night or what led him to try to fight the gang outside of Jack and Ozzy’s, but he opened up about small things. He loved food and art and collecting things like rocks. So when he brought up his photography, I leaned forward, practically landing in the food Nana put in front of me. “You have a camera?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking another bite of his food. “Is that impressive?”

“Yes!” I smiled wider. “You’ll have to show me some of your pictures sometime.”

Jake leaned forward, cocky attitude and wicked gleaming eyes watching me with glee. “What’s in it for me?”

I shrugged. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“You’re into photography?”

“Painting,” I corrected.

He laughed. “A cook, a boxer, and an artist? You, Lena Harrow, are probably the most confusing and contradictory woman I’ve ever met.”

Raising my brows, I tilted my head, mulling over the title with joy. “I like the sound of that.”

When we finally gathered our things to go, Nana slid a pile of boxes onto the counter. “You are out and about, yes?”

“Yeah, what do you need, Nana?”

“Will you take these to Prue and Quinn?” She asked. “Abdul’s back is flaring up again, so he cannot walk all that way.”

Grabbing the boxes, I nodded. “Say no more. We’ve got good backs, so it should be pretty easy.”

The old woman wove around the boxes Jake now held, hugged him tightly, and said a few words in Arabic before pulling back and squeezing his cheek. "Don't be a stranger!" She turned to me and patted my cheek. "You bring him back next time! Both of you are so thin, wasting away!"

“Have a good night, Nana!” I replied, quickly moving through the door Jake held open for me. “Alright. Prue’s this way, and Quinn will be a street or so down from her.”

The sky had turned a beautiful shade of light orange as the sun had just started to disappear behind the tall buildings. Jake and I walked the block and a half to the small tattoo shop where Prue worked. “Didn’t know Prue was a tattoo artist,” Jake mused, admiring the neon signs.

“Where do you think I got all my ink?” I asked, pushing the door open with my hip. “Prue’s the only one I trust to get a tattoo from around here.”

Jake’s eyes skimmed down to my arm. “Well, if you’re an example of her talent, I’d say it's safe to assume she's the best in the business.”

I beamed at the compliment and smiled even wider. Prue’s chair was in the back, where she sat leaning over one of Dom’s boys, focused on his leg. Katie, the apprentice that ran the front desk, smiled at me.“Nana’s?” I nodded, and she extended her hands over the counter. “Gimmegimmegimme!”

She took her box and groaned at the full aroma of spices. “Does Prue have time to eat?”

“She should,” the girl replied, ripping open the plastic holding her silverware. “Last I checked, she only had a few more spots to finish, so she should be on touch-ups right now.”

“Awesome. Thanks, Katie.”

Katie looked back up, this time her eyes meeting Jakes as she swallowed a large bite of food and cleared her throat. A blush tinted her cheeks as she smiled sheepishly at him. “Uhh… Hi…”

Jake ate it up, smiling with a tilt of his head. “Hey.”

She looked away, holding in a giggle. “Make yourselves comfortable, I guess.” Once Jake turned away from her, she looked at me with wide eyes and a not-at-all-subtle whisper, “Oh my god, I think I’m pregnant now!” Jake glanced over his shoulder, and she squeaked, closing her mouth tightly. “Are you and him…?” She signed, making a crude gesture for fucking.

“No.” I signed back.

Katie raised her eyebrows. “Are you planning on…?” She made the same gesture again.

I rolled my eyes and turned away from her, heading down toward Prue’s station. Jake followed close behind as I stopped short of her to make sure I didn’t startle her and mess her up. Ryker, the man in the chair and one of Dom’s most trusted “employees,” smiled and nodded to me. “Lena! Long time no see!”

“Good to see you’re tastes,” I gestured to the skull tattoo, “Havent changed, Ry.”

He shrugged. “You know me, all about that hardcore shit.”

I laughed. “Yeah. Hows the pain compare to the mommy tattoo you have on your ass?”

“Oh fuck you!”

Prue looked up, taking note of Ryker’s mouth moving before she turned and smiled up at me. “LENA!” She shouted, setting her tools down to free her hands. “What’s up?”

“Lunch.” I nodded to Jake, who held the other containers of food in his hands with an awkward smile.

She made a sound of glee, hopping up out of her chair and giving Jake only seconds to resituate the food before she wrapped her arms around his middle, holding her gloved hands away from him with an equally loud, “JAKE!”

He glanced at me with a chuckle as he gave her a pat on the back. “Hey… how’s it goin’?”

Reading his lips, she smiled wider. “Good,” she said, pulling back. “He’s running errands with you?”

I shrugged. “It’s been a weird morning.”

“That’s so fucking cute!” She scrunched up her nose and squealed. “Give me one second. I just need to clean him up and wrap his knee.”

As she turned back to her work, Jake smiled at me with a raised brow. “Seems like she likes me.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “You tend to have that effect on people when you’re not being a dick.”

“Good to know,” he replied, clearly pleased with my answer and the way Katie kept leaning over the counter to admire his ass.

Once Prue finished, she sat behind the counter and dug into her food. “Are you guys staying?”

“We’ve gotta get this food to Quinn.”

“Tell that bitch I said hi!” She replied with a big grin. “Oh, and ask her what time we’re going dress shopping.”

“Oh god, that’s right,” I whined. “I’ll ask.”

Prue swallowed her food, wiped her mouth, and gave Jake another hug. “Bye, Jake.”

He waved, already migrating toward the door. “See ya.”

“God, he’s cute when he’s nervous!” Prue giggled. “I’ll be expecting a full rundown of what the hell you two have been getting up to today.”

“Whatever. Enjoy your food.” I signed back following Jake. “Sorry about her. She’s a very touchy person.”

Jake agreed, his hands hanging closer to his sides as he walked. “It’s alright. I was more concerned with her assistant.”

I laughed. “Katie’s sweet, but she’s not very good at the whole admiring from afar thing.”

“Admiring?” He raised his brows and grinned.

“Oh, don’t pretend you didn’t notice her checking you out.”

He made a noise, slowly drifting closer to me until our shoulders pressed together as we walked, his blue eyes boring down into mine. “Are you jealous, princess?”

I scoffed. “I hardly need to be.”

“Oh?”

“Admit it, I could have you anytime I wanted you,” I answered, eyes instinctually looking away from his to focus on his soft lips.

“You think it’d be that easy?”

“Well, wouldn’t it?” I asked, batting my eyelashes as I looked back up at him.

Jake shook his head, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth for a moment. “I like to think I’d give you a little trouble.”

Tilting my head, I smiled. “Only a little?”

He cursed under his breath as I stepped ahead, leaving him behind me to check out my ass as I walked. The strip club wasn’t far from Prue’s shop, and it was always a place people could find fairly easily due to the intensely bright lights and the thumping music. Once we got close enough, I slowed down to let Jake catch up to me and advised, “Keep your hands in your pockets.”

Jake scoffed. “Think I can’t control myself around a few strippers?”

“No,” I rolled my eyes. “I’m more concerned you’ll lose your wallet. Half of the girls working here around lunchtime are some of the best pickpockets in the city.”

“I mean, a nice pair of tits to the face would be quite the distraction.” He agreed, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets.

The club, called Busty's, bumped with lively music as we entered. It was relatively quiet. Daytime wasn't exactly when the stripping business was booming. Quinn would be in the dressing room, doing her extensive routine to get ready for her shift tonight. I nodded to the bouncer up front by the counter, and he nodded back. "Quinn's in the back. Any of that for me?"

I pulled the smallest box from Jake's hand. "Nana said this one has extra love in it."

"That woman is a saint!" He cried, accepting the food with a smile. Pointing his fork at Jake, his eyes narrowed. "This one with you?"

"Yep," I looked back at Jake with a smile. "I know he looks like trouble, but I promise he'll behave."

Shaking his head, Jake flipped me off. "If you say he's cool, then he's cool. Try not to let him near Crystal, though. Bitch is on one hell of a streak with wallets."

Linking my arm with Jakes, I pulled him forward. "Thanks for the heads up!"

"I look like trouble?" Jane questioned as we moved through the dimly lit main room.

"Yeah. Don't pretend you don't know exactly what I'm talking about." I gestured to his outfit. "The black clothes, leather, piercings, chains. You just scream bad boy, bartender."

"So I just scream I'm your type?"

"I'm never going to hear the end of that, am I?"

Jake leaned in as the music got louder. "Not on my watch, princess."

Past the hideous carpet and the multiple stages filled with varying light colors was the golden sign that said dressing room, staff only. I hurried up the stairs and knocked on the door. “Quinn, are you at least somewhat decent?”

“Not at all,” she answered. “But you can’t see my tits, so come on in.”

The dressing room was bright, far brighter than the actual club was. Everything was pink and gold, with sparkles embedded into every surface. Quinn sat at a little desk with her name written on the mirror in lipstick. She wore a lacy black, mostly sheer outfit and was just finishing up her eyelashes when Jake and I walked in. Through the mirror, she saw him and smirked. “Jake? Now, what is a fine gentleman like you doing with our little troublemaker?”

“Just running a few errands.”

Quinn practically groaned. “You have him running errands with you?” She purred, turning to look up at me as I moved to set her food down. “How cute.”

I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at her. “Nana sends her love.”

“Perfect timing!” She said, tearing into the food. “If you’d have brought me this after I did my lips, I would have killed you.”

Jake awkwardly looked around, trying not to pry into the more intimate things thrown about the room while still trying to satisfy his curiosity. “Prue wants a time for dress shopping.”

“I was thinking day of at like six?”

“In the morning?” I groaned. “I hate you two.”

She shook her head. “So, what have you two been up to today?”

“Like he said, errands,” I replied quickly.

“Errands or,” she raised her hands to do air quotes as she sensually whispered, “Errands?”

“Don’t trip on the stage,” I teased, grabbing Jake by the hand and leading him out of the dressing room.

She waved. “Bye bitch! Bye, Jake!”

We walked out of the club and back into the chilling air. Jake and I walked closer together, our hands still linked for a moment before I pulled my fingers free of his. For a while, we just walked, the quiet that had settled between us comfortable and free. It felt nice to spend time with him outside of the group, where he felt less inclined to hide away his every thought. As we grew closer to the apartment, Jake sighed. “Thanks for letting me tag along.”

“Thanks for tagging along,” I replied. “It was weirdly fun.”

He kept his eyes trained ahead of us as he asked, “So, you think I’m gonna get fired?”

I watched his face and saw the worry and the fear that lingered in his furrowed brows and tight eyes. “I don’t know. Howard was pretty pissed.”

“What’d Simone say?” I knew what he meant by asking. Knew he wanted to know if the hundreds of messages he’d gotten full of her anger… of her threatening to leave him behind, were true.

“She told him not to,” I said honestly. I was no fan of Simone and never would be, but Jake cared deeply for her, and I couldn’t bare to hurt him more than he already had been.

He nodded, breathing out a stressed breath and taking in a new, relieved one. “I’d say it’s about fifty-fifty then.”

“Oi!” Patrick hollered from across the street. He waved us over with wide arm gestures and flamboyant movements. “Come on!”

Jake and I crossed the street and fell into step behind my brothers as they began to walk. “Where are we going?”

Peter wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “To get that drink we owe you too, and that moon-eyed bitch.”

I gave him a glare. “Pete-”

“Relax, I’m not partaking.”

“Not even a sip.”

“You’re no fun.”

The sun finally set, and blue hues filled the city's skyline. All the bright signs kicked on and lit up the streets with that glow I loved so much. Walking through the neighborhood at night always made me feel like I was a kid again, sitting on my dad's shoulders as he pointed out his favorite spots and greeted everyone that passed with a fond hello. I looked over at Jake, slightly breathless at the way the colors illuminated him. Was he always so handsome? I wondered as his smile nearly made my heart burst. Oh my god, pull it together! I turned back around at the large crowd spilling out the doors of the old Irish pub.

“Here?” I asked.

Patrick smirked. “The bet was we bought drinks, didn’t ever say you got to choose where.”

The old pub was always packed, loud, and filled with drunken Irish men looking for a good drink and maybe a good fight if the mood struck. Wooden walls were lined with every type of whiskey and rum and Irish-made beer. Hanging from the ceiling, old streamers of green four-leaf clovers hung, likely from some old celebration of Saint Patrick’s Day.

We all sat down at the first table we could find, Jake and I on one side and Pat and Pete on the other, grinning like fools. They loved this place, not just because of the drinks and the loud people but because of how much it reminded them of our dad. I saw the appeal but found comfort in dads memory in smaller, less chaotic locations. Patrick left the table to get the drinks, and Peter leaned forward. “So, how was your day?”

“Good,” I answered, glancing at Jake. “We just ran errands.”

Jake shrugged. “It beats getting my ass chewed out at work, so I’d say it was good.”

Peter nodded, eyes glued to my face and the expression or lack thereof. He saw right through me. Saw into my very mind and ate up all the thoughts of Jake that weren’t friend specific. He’d always been able to do that with every boy I liked since the dawn of time. It was frustrating to no end, but this was particularly so. After all the fuss I’d made over Jake being a friend, Peter would never let me live it down, and Patrick… God, Patrick would be the worst of them.

When Patrick returned, sliding each of us our drinks and setting a tiny shot glass of whiskey down in front of Peter, the crowd began to pull their attention to our table. Jake and Peter stood out like sore thumbs in the sea of red hair and rich browns. Jake, clad in all black and leather with chains and earrings and everything that screamed city boy and Peter, bald and thin and not drinking. Patrick sent as many dirty glares as he could to try and get them to get the message, but it seemed like tonight was not the night for silent deterring.

We drank and conversed, but Patrick’s tenseness only seemed to grow as the crowd began whispering about our brother and my friend Jake. It only took one pointed comment to blow his top, but what surprised me was that it wasn’t a comment about Peter that did it in… but about Jake. I hadn’t heard the full thing, but whatever they’d said had Patrick on his feet in a manner of seconds, with Peter closely moving behind him.

Jake watched the fight break out with wide eyes and a quiet fuck. “Your brothers work quickly to defend your honor.”

“Oh, they didn’t say anything about me,” I assured him. “I look Irish enough for them.”

"Then what was all that about?"

"They insulted you."

I watched Jake's face shift. That strong mask of disinterest and uncaring fell and exposed the disbelief that lay beneath it. "Why would they do that?"

"You're part of the group now, aren't you?" I asked. A hopeful look shined in his eyes as he shrugged. "Patrick's protective. He can insult you all night, but god help anyone else who does it." After a minute, I bumped his shoulder. "You said a mob was better than nothing. So... Welcome to the mob, Jake."

Patrick dropped himself back into his chair, and Peter laughed as he followed. "Those FUCKING CUNTS," Patrick yelled, causing more shots and curses to fly from the bar. Then, he smiled smugly, "Won't be botherin' ya again, little brother."

"Little brother?" Jake asked.

"Sorry," Peter said. "Copperhead calls everyone brother or sister. He's a big family guy."

"Don't mean nothin' by it," he said. "If it bothers you."

For a second, I worried that Jake would take offense to my brother's too-intimate gestures. But, instead, he shook his head and cleared his throat. "No, it's fine. It doesn't bother me."

Patrick smiled. "Good. Now, I believe we were discussing drinks before we were so rudely interrupted."

As the night dragged on the more Jake seemed to relax. My brothers were idiots the majority of the time, but they did a hell of a job making lost people feel found. The bar started to close down by the time we gathered our things, paid our tab, and started home. Patrick and Peter took the front, loudly singing Irish folk music as they walked back toward the apartment. Jake and I hung back, enjoying the quiet, crisp midnight air.

Somewhere up the road, a car engine revved, the sound making me turn my head and nearly trip over my own feet as I searched the street for that flash of red and white. Jake set a hand on my lower back, steadying me as he looked at the road. "It's just someone's old junker."

Patrick and Peter had stopped walking, too, both of them looking back at me, ready and willing to come rushing in if I needed them. I shook my head, and we started walking again. They waited until we were a little closer to do the same. Then, after taking a minute to get my heart to stop beating wildly, I spoke, nudging Jake’s shoulder, “I just realized you’ve gone all day without trying to play 20 questions.”

Jake chuckled. “I did, didn’t I?”

“I’ll give you a freebie if you want,” I offered.

"You still haven't told me about this,” he said, brushing my hair off my shoulder to trace the long scar that peeked out from beneath the collar of my shirt.

"It's not something I like to talk about," I answered, our pace slowing until we weren't even walking anymore.

"Is it worse than all the shit with your mom?"

Worse. That was a mild way to put it. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, smoothing his thumb over the jagged edge of the skin. "I just want you to know you can trust me when, if, you're ready to talk about it."

I set my hand over his and looked up into his eyes. "I do trust you, Jake."

He smiled, looking up the street at Patrick and Peter as they waited for us. "I better go home. Wouldn't want Lena to miss me too much."

I rolled my eyes and smiled, the nervous tension from his question vanishing. "Yeah, she can be kind of clingy."

Jake shrugged. "I don't mind."

"See you at work tomorrow?" I asked as he took a step back.

"Depends on if I still have a job or not."

"I told Howard he should let it slide, but I don't know how much influence I have in managerial affairs."

He smiled, waving the concern away, and wrapped his jacket around my shoulders. "Don't worry about it, princess. I'm sure I'll be fine either way."

“Goodnight, Jake," I said, taking hold of the leather to pull it tighter around myself.

“Goodnight, Lena," he replied, looking at me for a minute before he turned toward the street to call a cab.

I rejoined Patrick and Peter, ignoring how both gave me that look. Patrick opened his mouth. "Don't say a word," I warned.

He put his hands up, innocently smiling. "I was just gonna say tonight was fun." There was a long pause. "And ask how long you're gonna wait to fuck him, you know, now that you're being realistic with yourself."

Raising my hand, I chased after him. "Stop running, and let me slap you!"

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positivelybeastly · 2 months

Note

🖤 - tell everyone how awful tess is

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

Tess McKay is a beautiful woman that Hank McCoy has absolutely no romantic interest in (barring the one to three times they kissed way back when, shhh, we don't talk about that), so he appreciates her beauty much in the same way that he appreciates the Portrait of Madame X by John Singer Sargent. Objectively gorgeous.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

You may have noticed that I have marked both predictable and unpredictable. No, I will not elaborate. The rest of these all sort of slide along a spectrum depending on which verse these two are currently inhabiting and how well they're both doing in their respective spheres, but it's rare that Hank will find her anything to be anything less than his best friend.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

The capacity exists, but the will does not. I really struggle to think of a scenario in which it would make proper sense - maybe if it was a literal fuck or die situation, which, contrived, but, sure, I guess they'd do it then? I honestly think they've just completely sidestepped the need for that level of physical intimacy, and instead gone on to a degree of emotional understanding that would render actual sex just a weird experience.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

The only thing stopping Tess from being Hank's only friend is that Simon is canonically his 'dearest friend,' and I think Tess herself would view it as an indecency to try and lay claim to that role, considering she's Hank's not-beard and all.

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

Teenage Tess deeply confused teenage Hank, and I feel like the feeling was relatively mutual. This confusion accounts for the kissing. That being said, I think Hank would always have seen Tess as being fundamentally cool and interesting, even if they were both in very weird emotional places back then. What teen isn't, right?

current impression of them:

She's his best friend. This is true in most universes. The end.

#themckaytriarchy #muse assessment meme #outofmuffins

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rey-jake-therapist · 9 months

Text

Sweetbitter Fanfic update: Lost Souls Chapter 6

Chapter 5 is here.

Summary:

Jake and Mina have to deal with the awkward situation they find themselves in. Jake has already enough problems, as he has to deal with the war that now opposes Simone and Tess. As for Mina, she's not a very good bartender.

Notes:

The following chapters will be told from Jake's point of view :) A bit of trivia: - 'Moni' is the name that Jake gives Simone in the book Sweetbitter. - the first dialogue between Tess and Jake that he remembers is taken from the show, season 2 episode 8. She and Simone had a heated argument about Jake that ended their friendship. - Rosalyn's also a canon character who Jake briefly dates in the show.

Jake couldn't stand working under stress, but fortunately, it rarely happened. The reason was simple—he never allowed his job to take up enough space in his mind to cause anxiety.

Take, for instance, his boss, Howard. The man seemed to have a personal grudge against Jake, all because he had hooked up with more women in the five years he'd been at the restaurant than Howard had in his entire life. But Jake didn't let Howard's resentment bother him. Another thing that Howard couldn't fathom was the unique bond that Jake shared with Simone. Most people didn't understand it, and even Tess, whom Jake had hoped would accept it, disappointed him recently when she expressed her disapproval of their special connection. He remembered how she tried to gaslight him, attempting to discredit the profound relationship he had with Simone. Her sudden hostility had left a bitter taste in his mouth whenever he thought about it. Part of him understood why she was confused, but what she had asked him to do - shun Simone out of his life - was unacceptable.

"Oh, Jesus. You don’t get it. People don’t get it. It was just us! Nobody else. It was our own little world…”, Jake had tried to explain.

“Do you still…” Tess had begun, unable to spell out the one question that had been obsessing her for months, way before they started dating.

“Do I still… What?”

“When you go to the Cape… With Simone, do you still have sex?”

In different circumstances, Jake would have found her embarrassed face adorable when she blurted out that absurd question, but it only fueled Jake's frustration. He had pleaded with Tess countless times to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the present, but she seemed unable to help herself. The idea that he and Simone might have been romantically involved at some point had become an unhealthy obsession for her. And now, she couldn't just let it go, leave the past behind in the damn Cape, where all their problems seemed to have originated. Tess had confronted Simone, and needless to say, it hadn't ended well. Both women felt betrayed by each other, adding to the chaos.

The situation had left the two people Jake cared about most—Tess and Simone—angry and hurt, entangled in a battle for his heart. He despised this whole ordeal. His relationship with Tess, in particular, had frozen after a promising start, and the feeling that she was hiding something from him only intensified the strain. Jake knew that at some point, Tess or Simone, or both, would ask him to pick a side. While he would choose Simone in a heartbeat, especially if Tess continued acting strangely, the thought didn't excite him in the slightest. Everything had been so wonderful when the three of them were friends, forming an unconventional yet happy family. Why couldn't they just go back to that?

" Do you love her?" Simone had asked Jake, shortly after things had gotten heated between her and Tess.

"Who?" Jake had responded snarkily, well aware of who Simone was referring to. He knew she wasn't asking out of innocent curiosity; she wanted to know if she could tear Tess apart and get away with it, again.

"Don't be ridiculous," his friend had replied with a smile that didn't match her irritated tone. "You know exactly who I'm talking about, Jake. So, do you love her?"

"I don't want to discuss that with you, especially not now," he had deflected.

"So you do care about her… That's what I was afraid of. She'll try to cut me off from your life permanently, you know that?" Simone had then claimed, with a strangely calm voice.

"Now, Moni, who's being absurd? And paranoid. She's just jealous and worried for me. It'll pass," Jake had retorted. Deep down, he knew Simone was probably right, but he didn't want to add more fuel to the fire. He hoped she was wrong, too.

In a way that was typical of Simone, she had abruptly changed the subject, asking, "Why did you walk away from the project you had with Scott?"

Irritated, Jake had shot her a look and muttered through clenched teeth that Scott's project was doomed to fail. He knew it was a weak excuse, and so did Simone, who had raised an eyebrow and replied with a smug grin, "Scott's still mad at you, but you probably did him a favor! Don't take it the wrong way, darling, but you don't have the maturity to commit. It's better to disappoint Scott now than to let him down after both of you invested a lot of money."

"Oh, really? If you say so, Moni, you must be right!" Jake replied sarcastically, but if Simone had noticed the sarcasm in his voice, she hadn't shown it.

The truth was, after Simone had offered to sell the house in Cape Cod so he could fund his dreams, Jake had grown terrified of losing her forever. Despite the place being laden with painful memories, he and Simone had built a life there, and it symbolized their unbreakable bond. He feared that once the house was gone, so too would be Simone, along with the precious connection they shared. He wasn't ready to face that reality yet, so he had walked away from the project. He had lost both an opportunity and Scott's friendship in the process, and didn't need Simone to remind him of that fact; but then, twisting her knife in his wound was her thing.

When a week ago, Jake had chosen the Omega Lounge over his usual hangouts, it wasn't with the intention of picking up a girl and taking her home. He had learned from Simone that tension had been brewing all day between her and Tess, and he wanted to avoid getting any more involved in their conflict than he already was. All he had wanted that night was to shut off his phone and drown his worries in alcohol. However, the atmosphere at the Omega Lounge hadn't fitted his mood, so he had found himself smoking outside, contemplating finding another place to spend the night.

It was then that he had noticed her , not just because she was stunning in her green dress and her long auburn hair that cascaded down onto her shoulders, but also because he overheard her arguing with someone over the phone, someone who seemed to be her boyfriend . He wasn't on the hunt for a one-night stand, despite the allure of many women in New York. He was content being faithful to Tess, even though she hadn't explicitly asked him to. But something about this woman's fiery demeanor had intrigued him.

And then, she had yelled this formidable angry sentence over the phone, piquing Jake's curiosity.

"You know what, Johnny? I'm going to follow your advice. I'll pick up the first guy that comes my way, take him to my hotel room and fuck him all night!"

The woman's angry outburst had made Jake chuckle; it was clear to him that she hadn’t meant what she said and was simply trying to upset the guy on the phone. Jake had then observed with a mix of cringe and amusement a short blond-haired man with a foolish look on his face approaching her, only to be quickly brushed off, confirming Jake's initial suspicion about the woman's true intentions. She wasn't here for a random hookup in a filthy alley; she had come to find a friend.

As he had continued to watch, he had seen her rummage frantically through her handbag, then growl in frustration when the lighter she had found hadn’t worked. Deciding he couldn't leave her in misery any longer, he had offered her his own lighter. That was when he had seen how pretty her face was, despite the sadness overshadowing her big gray eyes. She had flirted with him, wanting to have fun and relax, and had seemed genuinely disappointed when he had mentioned his intention to leave for another bar. In a moment of impulse, he had mentioned the Home Bar without fully understanding why, as he had no intention of going there yet. He had recognized the familiar sensation of being drawn to a beautiful stranger, and it had seemed she felt the same way, but his instinct had told him to walk away. He already had enough problems in his life, didn't he?

Little did he know that a week later, she would be the woman hired by Howard to replace Nicky, the man he usually worked with behind the bar. Not like that would have stopped him. As Jake was now watching Mina and pretending that the situation wasn't awkward at all, he tried to recall what had led him to follow her into the Omega Lounge.

Perhaps it was that elusive quality she possessed, something he couldn't quite put into words. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, persuading him that he couldn't let such a beautiful woman slip away without even trying to get her in bed—or in the conference room, like the one Corinne had shown him during her break once, for that matter.

From the way Mina had avoided his eyes since their shift had begun, Jake could tell she regretted following him to his apartment that memorable night, despite her initial claim that she wouldn't. Jake, however, didn't regret it one bit. He had a motto never to regret anything, especially when it involved great experiences like theirs. However, he couldn't help but feel cautious about Tess' reaction if she were to find out about what had happened between him and Mina. While he didn't owe Tess faithfulness, he knew she was particularly sensitive these days, and the last thing he wanted was to trigger more drama.

Truth be told, Jake wasn't a one-woman man. There was a time when he deluded himself into thinking he could lead a conventional life and invest in a monogamous relationship, but it had ended so disastrously that he decided it simply wasn't for him. He didn't know the exact details of what Simone had said to Tess, but he was aware that she had warned her about him. He didn't want to hurt Tess, but he also knew he couldn't provide her with what she desired. He was who he was, and as he often said, "take it or leave it."

Tess had caught a glimpse of what he was like in a relationship during his brief time with Rosalyn, the hostess who greeted the clients—or rather, guests, as Howard insisted on calling them. Rosalyn, like others before her, had had expectations that ended in disappointment and bitterness. Tess knew what she was walking into, and yet here she was, disappointed in him, like Rosalyn and all the others before her.

After all these years, Jake still didn't fully understand women. What did they think would happen when dating a barman who enjoyed late-night parties, waking up at noon, and who was still single at 30, despite being good-looking and reputedly skilled in bed? Did they believe he would change? Simone once told him that women often thought they could fix a damaged man, and this was precisely what Rosalyn had attempted to do, and now it seemed up to Tess to try to do.

" I tried to warn Tess that you were beyond salvation and would never change, but she didn't listen, of course," Simone had added with a knowing smirk on the day Jake confessed he had slept with a woman who wasn't Tess.

Hearing Simone think of him that way hurt Jake more than he cared to admit, but he had simply chuckled in response.

Jake still couldn't believe that out of all the people in New York who could have taken the job of replacing Nicky for a month, it had to be her. When he had seen Mina stepping out of the corner where she had been hiding and standing next to Tess, it had felt as if for a second the wires in his brain had short-circuited. He had recognized Mina instantly, but it didn't make sense that she was there, ready to step into Nicky's shoes. He was certain she had flown back to her husband in Los Angeles a long time ago, full of guilt and determined to ignore all the red flags for the sake of keeping their marriage alive. That's what most women married to a cheating husband, as he knew, often did.

Seeing Mina pretending to not know him, even as her worried eyes betrayed her, reignited the anger and disappointment Jake had felt when he had woken up and found her gone that morning. He couldn't quite explain this feeling; it wasn't the first time a lover had left his place without a note, and he had done the same more than once. But with Mina, he had shared something that wasn't just about sex. It hadn't been planned; it had just happened. They had both been surprised at how easy it was for them to talk about the hardships they had gone through. Perhaps it was because they had both experienced the pain of being abandoned by their mothers, or maybe there was something in the air that day. Against all odds, Jake had felt that he could open up to her, just as she had done with him. And, of course, the sex—also not planned—had been mind-blowing and had haunted him for days, even when he was with Tess.

Jake's mind was in turmoil as he reminisced about the memories of Mina, his eyes fixated on her alluring neck, left vulnerable for his eyes. When he had met her, her hair was flowing wildly upon her shoulders; today it was put in a perfectly tied bun that gave her a serious, even severe, look she didn't have a week ago. Yet he recalled how much he had loved kissing and biting this neck, noticing with a hint of disappointment, as it caught his attention, that the marks he had left had all vanished. As he served a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon and handed it to Heather, he couldn't help but stare at Mina's luscious pink lips while she politely interacted with a client at the bar. His thoughts wandered into dangerous territory, with vivid images of her on her knees, her lips parting to take him in her mouth, flashing before his eyes. He felt the beginning of an unwelcome erection in his pants and struggled to fight against visions of him pulling her hair and engaging in more intimate acts.

Knowing it wasn't the right time or place to indulge in such thoughts, Jake forced himself to look away from his new coworker and concentrate on his work. All he had to do was avoid looking at her perfectly shaped behind and prevent parasitic thoughts from invading his mind. He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to clear his mind. When he opened his eyes again, Mina was gazing at him, her deep gray eyes filled with concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I'll be okay when you let me take you to the basement and bang you against a wall…

"Yeah, just feeling tired, long night," he blurted out, which wasn't entirely untrue.

He had spent the night with Tess, Ari, and Sasha at the Home Bar until closing time before crashing at Sasha's place. Both he and Tess were high and drunk, leading to an argument about the planned trip to France he and Simone had in mind for next summer. Tess had discovered it on her own, and the stress of the situation had made Jake unsure of how to break the news to her. Their bickering had annoyed Sasha, who had retreated to his bedroom to sleep.

Finally, they had ended their fight with a rough shag in the middle of the living room. Jake had learned early on that there was nothing better than sex to stop a heated conversation; Simone had taught him that - you fight fire with fire. He had apologized, promised to reconsider his trip - another lie; saying no to Simone wasn't even an option!-, cuddled her, and touched her in the ways he knew Tess liked until she forgot she was angry. And just like that, another drama had been avoided, or so Jake had thought.

However, when Tess had murmured in a drunken haze, right before falling asleep in his arms, "I love you, Jake. I'd do anything for you..."

He knew he should have replied with something, but the only answer Tess wanted to hear was the one thing he couldn't bring himself to say. He had said "I love you too" to someone other than Simone only once before, and it had resulted in tears being shed and hearts being broken. Love had never brought anything good to Jake, ever.

Moreover, with Tess in particular, there was another problem: when she had whispered those three little words to him, he had felt nothing but sheer embarrassment and the certainty that it was time to end things with her. Simone was probably right to warn her, he realized with a profound disgust for himself.

You ruin everything you touch, Jake!

He could delude himself with the thought that Tess was too drunk and high to know what she was saying, but he would be dishonest with himself if he pretended he hadn't seen it coming from the start. It had taken him months to sleep with Tess because he actually liked her. She was too young and inexperienced in life to handle someone like him, and he knew he wouldn't give her what she wanted, so he had kept her at arm's length. But one night, she had shown him she had changed and had seemed stronger than before. Besides, Simone loved her, which had drawn him to her even more.

What had really appealed to him was that Tess genuinely cared for him, even though he dreaded that she probably wouldn't if she knew about the dark places he carefully kept hidden away from her and everyone else. Except for Simone, who knew him better than anyone. Jake didn't love Tess and knew that he would never love her. He sensed it in his bones. He only loved that she loved him. Was that such a terrible thing?

"Fu... Why is there so much foam?!" Mina groaned near him, pulling Jake out of his reverie.

Jake chuckled as he saw Mina furiously trying to remove the excess foam from a beer she had just served. When she had said she wasn't used to bartending, she hadn't been kidding. She clearly needed some guidance.

"You need to tilt the glass while pouring the beer, otherwise you'll get too much foam," he explained patiently.

"But I tilted the glass, and it still happened!" Mina retorted, shooting a frustrated look at the draught-beer tapping machine. They had been working together for more than two hours now, and she had already asked him several questions about the job and let him show her around the wine cellar. However, Mina hadn't been able to make eye contact with him the entire time. When they were in the cellar, Jake had tried to create a moment of intimacy to check on her, but she had abruptly asked, avoiding his eyes,

"Can we just pretend nothing happened between us and act like it's the first time we've met? You lied to me about working in another place, I applied for this job because I was sure you didn't work here, I mean… The situation's awkward enough as it is, you know?"

Surprised by her request, he had quietly replied, "Yeah... I guess we can."

From that point on, they hadn't exchanged another word until now when she was struggling with serving a beer. Howard was probably desperate to find a quick replacement for Nicky", Jake thought, trying not to show his annoyance. He took the glass from Mina's hands, tilted it, and poured a perfectly served beer with just the right amount of foam. He handed it back to Mina, looking straight into her eyes. The way she blushed and murmured a weak "thank you" made him smile.

"You know, we can pretend not to know each other but still talk and look at each other, right? If the gossip girls see you purposely avoiding me, they'll find it suspicious," he teased, hoping to make her at least crack a smile. It worked, if only for a moment.

"Why? Because they're used to seeing every new girl swoon over you?" Mina scoffed.

"Precisely!" Jake replied with a grin.

Mina rolled her eyes playfully.

"Of course they do…" She murmured.

She smiled again, and Jake felt a sense of relief. A smile was always a good start.

Let me introduce you to Mina and Jake here!

Chapter 7 is here :)

#sweetbitter #jake sweetbitter #jake x oc #fanfic #jake #sweetbitter jake #tom sturridge #simone sweetbitter #tess sweetbitter #rachelle lefevre #awkward #let's pretend

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