Tumgik
#still be here at least as far as my own actions are concerned. don't worry. i love you
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Dumping this in the queue, at 20:30 Monday night, and not looking any more than that at tumblr - but I have to say something somewhere, or I'll burst. Why the hell does the psych care so much about whether I harm myself? Surely she should only really care about whether I kill myself or not? At least for now? Why does everyone care, if it's not bad enough to hospitalise me? It's not. At least for now, I'll make damn sure it's not. But I wish I'd never reached out for help. I wish I'd just let it go on until I killed myself. It would be easier that way. I'd do it now if it wasn't for the fact that I promised, and that there are kids in the house - no fear. Somehow I can't bear the thought of these kids knowing about all this. They're such dears. They're kids.
Damn it, I'd at least hoped I'd make a week of placement without cutting myself. Luckily right now I don't care.
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Hi! I really like your writing!
Can I request a MacCready x reader where he's patching you up? If possible, can he be denying/ ignoring being in love with you, too?
Wounds ↠ MacCready x Reader
➼ Word Count » 0.7k ➼ Warnings » None ➼ Genre » Romantic, Pinning ➼ A/N » Sorry for the wait, love! I couldn't figure out how I should write him for the longest time, and I still don't feel like I did him much justice, but it's done!
You never imagined that your relationship with the sniper would evolve into anything more than business partners. He made it clear from the start that he didn't have any intention to be your friend. You paid him, he did his job, and that's all the two of you would ever be - until you ran out of currency, that is.
You can remember the exact moment you walked into the Third Rail. A pile of newly attained caps in your pocket that jingled together whenever you jostled your leg too quickly. It was a wonder how you managed to make it that far into town without being mugged, but you supposed the vibrant welcoming from the Mayor himself had more to do with it than you actually appearing as a threat to anyone.
You only wandered into the VIP section out of curiosity. You'd always been a sucker for bar fights, so when you heard an argument brewing up in the back, you couldn't help but be a bit nosy about it.
"You have to tell me when something like this happens." He chided, inspecting the gash on your leg with evident concern. "It's too dangerous out here for you to be ignoring something like this."
"Don't get soft on me." You teased, jerking your leg back at the sting that came when he began pouring water on top of the wound.
You knew you probably shouldn't be joking around at a time like this, but what else could you do? You hated the thought of burdening your companion like this, and after you were so close to arriving at Sanctuary too.
His eyes flickered up to meet your own for a minute before casting them back down at the blood he was washing off your body, "I'm not." He hissed, "I'm making sure my only source of caps stays alive."
You hummed in response, "It's only a scratch. It's not like I'll die. Once we make it back to Sanctuary, I'll have Curie take a look at it, and we'll be back on the road."
"Yeah, well, until then, I'm going to make sure you don't get an infection."
You winced again from the feeling of cold water roughly scrubbing at your wound before gazing apologetically at him.
"I'm fine Mac, really," You said, "It's been healing fine on its own for the past couple of days now"
He takes his hat off of his head and runs a stressed hand through his hair.
He did that same motion in the bar where you'd found him, right after Winlock and Barnes were done confronting him. It made you frown slightly when you saw it.
"Are you.. ok?" You asked slowly, resting a hesitant hand on his shoulder, worried that you might've upset him.
"Are you ok?" He retorted, gesturing vaugely toward your injury.
"I feel fine. Really. I'll be able to make it to the settlement without any support." You assured him - or at least tried to, he didn't seem to be feeling any less concerned, though.
"I just - why didn't you tell me?"
"I knew you'd stress about it." You sighed, "It's nothing, ok? I'll be ok for the time being. Once we're there I'll go straight to the Medic house, alright?"
"Whatever." He muttered, "Come on, I'll carry you on my back until we can get you too a real doctor."
You scoffed playfully, "You're too scrawny to-"
"Get on." He spoke, cutting you off. "I want to get there before it gets dark."
You stared at him for a moment before letting out a sigh and grasping onto his shoulders.
He slotted his arms under your knees carefully, and it was clear by the way he moved over debris that he was trying his hardest not to jostle you too much.
His actions only brought you back to the day you had met. You smiled to yourself as you remembered him counting the caps you'd handed to him before he explained he wouldn't be caring for you in any capacity. He was a bodyguard, not a member of the Minutemen. If you couldn't patch yourself up, then there'd be no reason for him to stay.
You supposed something must've changed between then and now, as he did the one thing he told you he wouldn't.
"What are you breathing in my ear for?" He asked defensively. You could feel his face heating up ever so slightly as you rested your head on his shoulder.
You smiled a little wider, "No reason."
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stormkobra-5 · 2 years
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Hi darling 💖 congratulations on your 1600 followers 🌟! If requests for the prompts are still open, could I request 14) our muses aren’t together yet but one of them asks the other to stay the night so they won’t be alone.  With Steven Grant please? Thank you 💫
Hello and thank you! ILY!!!
Prompt: 14 ) our muses aren’t together yet but one of them asks the other to stay the night so they won’t be alone + Steven Grant
Rating/Warnings: 18+ graphic nightmares, gore/violence/major character death, angst, hurt/comfort, mention of Marc and Jake but they don’t have a big part, reader and Steven have been friends for a very long time, the beginning is very dark IDK WHAT HAPPENED OK
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Steven was running.
His lungs burned for air and his muscles shook he’d been running for so long. He could hear the jackals’ howling laughter gaining on him, but he couldn’t see them. He couldn’t see anything. All he saw was shadows, aside from the faint hues of purple light that glowed softly before disappearing, lighting up streets that looked vaguely familiar. He couldn’t summon his suit; he couldn’t hear Marc, or Jake. He couldn’t even feel them. Hell, he’d even accept Khonshu right about now.
Steven skidded to a halt, trying to catch his breath. A flash of deep indigo lightning cracked overhead, lighting the black clouds and… and your flat building.
Why was he here?
He heard the vaguest echo of a scream. Then again— your voice, calling his name, you were screaming— oh god—
Steven bolted up the stairs, knowing his way to your door by heart. No, no no no no no not her, please not her, let her be, don’t hurt her—
Your screams grew louder as he closed the distance between him and your door in a run that would’ve put even Marc’s to shame. But he wasn’t fast enough, he was moving too slow, far too slow…
“Y/N!” He tried to yell for you, to let you know he was coming, but his voice was stuck in his throat. The hallway seemed to lengthen, making his movements like sludge. Allowing him to hear every second as your bloodcurdling shriek was torn into a gargle, as he heard ripping and tearing and crunching and he was too late, too slow and too late…
He finally rounded the corner to find the jackal hovering over you, but… but you were everywhere, blood and bits coating your entire melting flat in a way that should be impossible; maybe a rational part of his brain knows that this can’t be real, it’s impossible, but all he knows is your screams, and you’re all over him, you’re all over him—
Steven jerked violently awake with a terrified scream of his own, flying out of bed and frantically wiping at his body. The dream-afterimage of your remains dripping from his hands and soaking his clothes was burned into his eyes, even as Marc and Jake sprung into action to try and calm him down.
“Buddy, hey— calm down. What happened?”
“Breathe, hermano. Breathe.”
He was trying. Steven knew he should probably find a brown paper bag or something, because he was sure that he was hyperventilating. He hadn’t even realized that he’d summoned his suit as he fumbled for his phone, struggling to dial your number.
“Steven?” Your voice— calm, gentle— made him let out a choked sob of relief. It only concerned you, but at least you weren’t screaming. He couldn’t stop hearing it on a repeat in his ears. “Hey— Steven, honey, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“C-can I come see you?” Steven managed, although it was a struggle. “Please?”
“Yeah, of course. Should I come to you?”
“NO!” Steven yelled, and he can just picture you flinching in surprise. “I-I mean… Just… Just stay there, yeah? And grab a knife. Hide. Until I get there. Please? Don't open the door unless it’s me, ok?”
“O-ok, Steven. You’re worrying me— what’s happening?”
“I-I—“ Steven’s shoulders shook, a high-pitched whine coming out of his throat as he struggled to hold his sobs back. He couldn’t stop seeing it, your body, destroyed… “C-can you stay on the phone with me? Please? While I’m on my way?”
“Yeah,” You answered softly, and he heard you moving around. “I have a big kitchen knife. And I’m hiding under the bed. Is that ok?”
Steven was bolting out of the flat. He didn’t even lock his door; was it even closed? He didn’t care. He knew it was just a nightmare, like his alters were telling him, but he couldn’t… he couldn’t leave you on your own now. He didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and know that a jackal tore you apart because he wasn’t there.
With the suit, it took a lot less time than it would have if he’d chosen to run to your place without it.
You were his best— and only— friend. He’d met you back when he’d still worked at the museum, when you snarked at Donna in his defense; and you’d been nigh inseparable ever since. But maybe Steven felt a little more for you than just friendship.
He loved the ways your eyes lit up when you talked about something that you were passionate about, showing a window to your fiery soul. He loved the way you showed kindness to even the smallest of things. He loved that whenever your favorite season came around you were pulling him around to twenty different places just to experience it.
He loved you.
You were the only one he loved. He wondered, sometimes, if you loved him, too. You’d never had a boyfriend in the years that you’ve known him, and you’d frown whenever he’d try (and fail, purposefully or not) to go on a date of his own, convinced you’d never fall for him.
He wondered.
But what if something happened to you? Like his nightmare? What if he never got to tell you? What if? What if? What if?
Steven listened to your breathing after telling you to keep quiet so that no one heard you. In, and out. In, and out. You’re breathing. You’re fine.
Steven started rapidly pounding on your door when he reached it. “I’m here, love! I’m here!”
He visibly sagged with relief when he saw you, disheveled and startled and awkwardly carrying a knife. Alive and uninjured. Steven started to say your name, but couldn’t; he rushed forward to drag you into a tight hug, sobbing into your shoulder. He didn’t realize that you’d guided him to the couch until you sat him down, urging him to breathe.
“Shh, Steven, it’s okay; I’m right here, okay?”
He tried to focus on your voice as he evened his breathing, following your instructions, forcing himself to breathe like you were.
Steven stared at you. At your loving eyes full of concern and your soft hair and your perfect face. His suit was gone, allowing him to reach up and take your face in his without stopping to take his gloves off. He ran his thumbs over the apples of your cheeks, feeling you. Feeling your warmth against his skin. But it wasn’t enough.
Before he knew what he was doing, he was leaning up and pulling you close for a tender kiss.
Your lips molded together perfectly, and at your little whimper of surprise he gave a soft moan. He licked into your slack mouth, prompting you to actually return the kiss; he swept an arm around your back and pulled you flush against him. He pulled back for air with fresh tears streaking down his face and new sobs on his lips.
It took him several seconds to realize what he’d just done, but his voice came out as only a whisper. “I… I’m sorry…”
“Did you mean it?” Your question caught him off-guard. You looked hopeful. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part. “The kiss? Did you mean it?”
Steven’s eyes locked with yours as he tried to calm down. Did he mean it? More than anything. “Of course I… ‘Course I meant it. I’ve always… I’ve…” He head fell as you cradled his shaking form to your chest, shushing him. “I had a nightmare,” He sniffled, and he felt you run your fingers through his hair. “I… I lost you. I wasn’t fast enough. And I lost you. I couldn’t save you. And there was just…” Steven leaned into you, squeezing your torso tightly. “...There was so much blood…”
“Steven,” You breathed after a few moments, “I’m here now, okay? It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real.”
“Yeah?” Steven muttered into the crook of your arm, wet from his tears— he was still trembling uncontrollably. You reached for a blanket to cover him with, laying back on the couch with him. “...Can… Can I stay the night?” His voice was so small, so scared. You hugged him closer.
“Of course you can, Steven.” For emphasis, you kissed the top of his head.
“Can I… take you out to a proper dinner, tomorrow? Maybe?”
He felt your smile against his scalp and finally started to relax into your loving— and very much living— embrace. “Yeah. I’d like that, very much.”
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Give me a character and a prompt!
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rileys-battlecats · 1 year
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U dont gotta post this but im going insane thinking about Birchspeckle in this situation.
She seems sympathetic to Mudpaw which makes me think: She understands at least sort of off-handedly how shitty life is for Mudpaw that drives him to kill. She's watching Owlpounce train him and seeing his character (but hasnt seen a lot yet). So she understands that its likely Mudpaw acted more in a light of reaction instead of thought. especially the smaller issue of Mudpaw being isolated from the clan.
So my thoughts are. Birchspeckle suspects Mudpaw isn't a bad cat. She has reason to see what is happening to him. But she also knows this is a slippery trauma slope were Mudpaw could decide. 'I did this once. I can do it again when I think I need to.' need being subjective here. and being a healer with the ability to just let someone die is concerning. So she's playing this game of "I don't want you in trouble. but I'm worried where will you go from here?" -anyway Birchspeckle, Mudpaw, and Owlpounce make me feel things. I love them
homie i am also going insane over birchspeckle dw
I wrote about this in a previous post a few months back, but my feelings on the situation have changed a bit since then
She's definitely got the idea that mudpaw isn't a bad cat at heart, and more importantly than that, she knows he's still just a kid—a teenager if we're being technical. Apprentices don't just push their mentors off cliffs for no reason. She knows something is up, even if she doesn't have the full picture yet.
Adding on to this, Birchspeckle has also played victim to Micaclan's indifference and unintentional cruelty in their own past, and still experiences it to this day when they drop by the camp to talk with Owlpounce. She knows how it feels to be in mudpaw's position (though they had to deal with losing the camaraderie of her clan instead of never having had it like mudpaw) and she definitely has sympathy for his situation. In addition to this, she has a measure of bitterness toward her clanmates for that treatment, which sort of puts her in an "us vs them" mindset, with her and mudpaw on one side (plus Owlpounce as an honorary teammate) and the rest of micaclan on the other side.
But like you said, they can't afford to not keep an eye on mudpaw. He has killed, and (as far as they know) he has the potential to kill again. She doesn't want to let him know that she empathizes with his situation and actions on the off chance that he'll take that as implicit permission to do it again. So she's kinda stuck with being vaguely empathetic while also being standoffish to keep him in line. Which kinda goes against her nature tbh, cause birchspeckle is the sort of person to be very true to herself and her beliefs, but in this situation she doesn't really know what the correct course of action is.
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thegeminisage · 4 months
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ohhhh it's tng update time. i have a lot to catch up on. wednesday we did "ensign ro" and "silicon avatar" and last night we did "disaster" and "the game."
a brief interruption to amend an error on my previous tng liveblog concerning the episode "redemption." i did NOT mention the part where data got his own command and the first officer was racist to him about it. my brain was so numbed by klingon happenings - and again, they're fine episodes, it was MYYY fault for watching both of those episodes at once AND the second one with a bad connection (we had to reconnect like 1000000 times), but due to this i did straight up forget about data's role here. my thoughts are: this could and should have been the a plot of an entire episode, not the b plot of worf's episode. this late in the game, you kind of run the risk of data's big episodes becoming too same-y - that usually what happens is that someone is misguided or prejudiced in their beliefs about him and are in the end proven wrong - but i think the first command is different enough to be distinct. data building genuine trust with his actions and not his words would have been really fun!! especially if he models his captaining like he does his art - by picking bits and pieces of his real-life examples, like riker & picard. it's a shame they wasted this on a b-plot :(
ANYWAY.
ensign ro: i have to admit i wasnt sure about my girl ro at first. i absolutely support her cause and her beliefs but there was one part where. and i dont remember specifics because this was on wednesday. they like asked her to do something and she didn't and i support her but GIRL if you fuck around and dont do your job they will send you back to space jail. so i was worried that she was stupid in like the literal sense
fortunately she fucking RULES. i liked the part where bev and deanna were like can we sit down :D and she was like no <3 and they had to leave. but i also liked guinan getting through to her and becoming her friend too. i think ro should kiss some women about it (more on this later)
i was kind of bummed riker wasnt the one to let her put her earring back on since he was the dick who made her take it off, but at least she did get to put it back on. i was soooo mad when he made her remove it
LOVE to find out more about the cardassians. i'm excited for that freaky guy and the dr he wants to fuck in ds9, this feels like a real prelude moment
also, love the barber in this episode. in a world where they no longer have to even cook food, haircutting is miraculously still done by hand
silicon avatar: i had a lot of mixed feelings about/issues with this one initially but the ending ultimately took it into watchable territory on account of it popping the fuck off
biggest issue is that they basically retconned the hell out of the first episode this crystal monster was in (the iconic datalore aka "ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE KIND OF DEATH YOU'VE EARNED LITTLE MAN")
in that ep lore was DEFINITELY able to communicate with it without all the drama and he also communicated enough with it to be like "hey, if you don't eat me, i can show you where lots of edible people are" which solves the question of it's intelligent and whether or not it understands it's eating people. the fact that were uwu woobifying this giant people eating death machine is hilarious but also it stretches my suspension of disbelief way too far. like, get outta here.
second biggest issue was the emotional whiplash from this old lady. first she's racist to data and then she wants to butter him up for therapy reasons and finally she's delusional enough to believe her dead son is in there. i actually did like her arc and the idea that she did something monstrous, but it felt like we had too many things crammed in there...again, i love data and i love when data gets big episodes and moments but i wish we could pump the brakes a little with EVERYONE who meets him being anti android or whatever. even the episode where he gets a gf was a welcome change despite it not being very good because it wasn't just more people having doubts because data is an android. and if I'M tired of it, imagine how HE feels. geez. there was no point in having her start from a place of hostility when it didn't go anywhere and actually i probably would have been more tricked into believing she was normal if she HADN'T come at data like that
THAT SAID, the core story of "i will murder this sentient life form because it killed my son even knowing he would hate me for it" is actually metal as fuck. i really liked it. and i think it was sneaky and clever to have her basically ask to use data as a tape recorder before she fully fell off the deep end because who wouldn't want to hear a recording of a deceased loved one? but it's when she asks again, and basically asks data to roleplay him, that you realize her grief is making her bonkers - or that being around data is bringing too much stuff up.
anyway issues aside the end really fucked. she was like data absolve me of the murder i just committed in my dead son's name and he was like sorry queen i can't! and then they just rolled credits. bonkers.
also, can we pour one out for riker? he got uh. i mean he had all of that going on with beverly like just a handful of episodes ago and i was SOOO hoping he was gonna get laid but instead he got. trauma :(
disaster: i LOVED this one. i loved that it paired characters we don't normally see together - like geordi and beverly for instance - and i loved that quite literally everyone got to get up to batshit insane shenanigans at the same time. picard has to learn to interact with the world's most adorable children. deanna is captain of the starship and she should kiss ro about it. geordi and beverly are gonna open the cargo bay to space some radioactive barrels and while they're holding onto a metal ladder with their BARE HANDS. riker is carrying DATA'S DETACHED HEAD around the crawlspaces and meanwhile in ten forward worf is delivering a fucking baby
side bar which uh exit do we think klingon babies come out of. like if they've got two of everything does the baby just pick one or do they have two whole wombs too...do you think klingons are like "oh most of us come out of the right side but watch out for that guy he's fucked in the head i think he came out of his mom's left vagina" i think that'd be hilarious
anyway worf did a great job.
also pleased with the kids this ep...normally star trek kids aren't uh. great. like they're annoying or weird or just not great actors because, you know, kids. but all 3 of those kids had distinct personalities and they were all extremely charming. absolutely masterful casting. they were so fucking cute
idk why but when deanna became enterprise captain she immediately looked 10x hotter and gayer. her disagreements with ro were FRAUGHT with sexual tension. THEY SHOULD KISS.
that said my one true pairing for tng is always gonna be riker e worf e deanna. hands down best moment for these three so far was when riker was like you just cant stay away from the big chair can you ;) and she was like oh im not cut out to be a captain but maybe i could be first officer since i HEAR there aren't many qualifications and worf gives riker this incredulous double-take like "are you gonna let her get away with that" and he's grinning like oh yeah he's Gonna. there truly is such a horrific lack of sexual/romantic energy in this show but whenever deanna and riker start flirting we finally get fed
the game: MY BABY BOY WESLEY IS BACK..........he got tall i MISSED HIM
i loved the opening of this episode. riker seems to have a 50/50 chance these days on whether or not any given encounter with a woman is gonna be an ethical slut moment or a close encounters moment and i am now referring to this phenomenon as riker roulette. is he getting ethically seduced and/or ethically seducing others? or is it....................you know. anyway rip to him for metaphorically bringing an std back to the enterprise from risa
what was this whole thing with deanna eating chocolate also. is all of season 5 gonna be like this? to be clear i'm not complaining. we have a fucking dearth of, sorry, flirty fun and fresh shippy moments for anyone in tng, generally speaking. it's about time they picked up.
my one gripe with this episode is that it is REALLY AWKWARD to have them set this up as "this VR headset is giving people orgasms" and then twice have wesley's mom try and force one on him. like they didn't say orgasms but the subtitles kept going "pleasured gasp" so idk what i was supposed to think those headsets were doing. like i get this was probably unintentional on their part but i still hated it
also it sucks that wesley got to have a little tea break with picard but didn't have time to hang out with his mom...she was barely in his departure episode, too. the writers clearly prioritize his relationship with picard BECAUSE WESLEY IS THEIR AFFAIR BABY! i will die on this hill. those guys fucked and had a baby and got embarrassed abuot it and now wesley doesn't know he's going to inherit male pattern baldness
okay. that concludes this tng update. normally this is the part where i say, "next, we are doing..." and then i list the episodes. i want to take an extra moment to bring added attention to it this time because this time we are doing two VERY. SPECIAL. EPISODES.
NEXT: UNIFICATION PART I AND PART II
NEXT: SPOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Part 3 - Chapter 30 - No Feeling Is Final
Blank Canvas Part 3
AO3 - here
Fanfiction.net - here
Iiiiiit's update time again! :D Got an update on the hero side of things of a sort and then we get to find out the identity of Izuku's visitor! :P
Let's get to it!
Linktree to all the things!
End notes for the chapter are under the line.
So the heroes are worried. Shouta is not so good with the communicating emotions thingy. But at least he's got Hizashi to help him through it. I just ship them so much. Polar opposites that still just strangely seem to work. A sun and moon of a power couple. Both worried about their numerous kids.
The visitor is Toga! Kudos to those who guessed it. :) I couldn't resist the temptation for more villain bonding. How it will affect future events we shall see. The story is forming as we go.
I see Toga as a very touchy feely kind of girl. Mainly because of the mask she was forced to wear not able to express herself freely. But with the League she can be how she wants to and do as she pleases. No more holding back. Also very flirty. I know in canon she falls for Izuku because he was so beat up during the training camp but he also looks very similar to her first love. So I went with that. :P
More talk of Stain and Izuku's connection to Chizome. Other that Spinner, Toga would be the most interested. Which turned into a look into her past. More of a glimpse for now. I did my best with their conversation. I more wanted to look at personal desires versus the boundaries of others. Yes, Toga has her wants and needs that were denied to her and she taking it now as she pleases. But there's also the other side of that if she does that against another's will then she is doing the same to them. Denying them a choice based on her own actions. Idk. Toga is a complicated character but she also so deserves some love.
Smart pants Izuku rises again! The blood craving has got to be because of her quirk. I don't know if that got brought up or concerned in the manga yet but that's my theory and I'm sticking with it. And I have an idea for how to help her in the future.
I do kind of want some redemption for some of the villains. Depending on how the story goes will determine who gets that or not. Dabi is definitely one I'm looking at and now with this chapter is Toga too. We'll have to see about the others. Future stuff that I'll figure out later.
Okay, that's all for now. I've got a camping trip next weekend which I'm excited about! :D Anyway, more HimiIzu bonding next time and League shenanigans. And if you've been with me this far, you know it's all a slow burn because my brain wants it that way. :P I just have so many ideas I want to play around with! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and thanks for your readership! I appreciate you! ;3 Bye bye 'til next time!
Count down to Dad For One reveal: 3 chapters
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penwrythe · 1 year
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Reflections upon 2022
So, before this year end, I just want to do a personal post on few things. I want to look back over 2022 and see how far I came, both as an artist and as a person. Things might get a bit sensitive in this post because I'm going to discuss my mental health, events that caused a spiral earlier this year, and what followed later. So, just be aware of that. Thank you!
// mental health stuff on anxiety
Earlier this year, there was an incident involving me and two other people that culminated in me taking a break from Twitter. I discussed this before in this post. Also, I had written an apology to one of the people I harmed during that time, which can be seen here.
During my break, I was able to reflect upon my actions and learned that I really should have respected this person better. This was needed, along with understanding how my actions harmed this person. The break helped me, but, my god, I wished what happened never happened. That was a mistake and I should have better questioned the information I was given during that time. There's a lot I'm leaving out of this, including the problematic actions this person had done. But, regardless of who-did-what-and-how-and-when, I am still responsible for my actions and hold myself accountable for them. There's more to this but if I talk more about what occurred, I feel I might cause more harm. I wish I could say more, but I don't know what would happen if I do. I don't know who to talk to about this.
But with all this said, the only thing I want is that the person is okay. I want them to be okay. I deeply reget my mistreatment of them. Also, in reference in their own actions, I want them to do better. I'm aware that what happened was bad, but now that they're held accountable for their actions, I want them to do better.
To that person, I am sorry. I hope you find your voice to speak again.
(If you know who I'm referring to, please do not mention them here. Leave them be, please. Plus, don't put them on blast for clout. I do not condone this. Leave them alone.)
On my mental health, there were a few things I learned throughout this year about my bad habits involving rumination, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts. Having a months-long spiral was not a normal thing for me to experience and I think it's time for me to get help to prevent this from happening again. In the past few months, I discovered how difficult it is to control my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. There were times when I was afraid of my own mind. I know that my intrusive thoughts are not who I am, but sometimes it feels that I need to prevent something terrible from happening by hyper analyzing everything I do or say. Sometimes my thoughts get really dark, like, concerningly so when I'm incredibly anxious. I do not think this is normal. I am worried about my mental health.
I am not sure if I'll do anything rash due to my anxiety, but if I say or do anything concerning, please reach out to me to make sure I'm okay.
I did discuss this with my family and they said they will help me get some therapy in 2030. Until then, I'll do my best to keep track of my mental health. Take breaks from social media more often (and use the site blocker and stick to the schedule), establish stronger boundaries, resolve any conflicts more calmly, learn some healthy coping habits, and just take it easy from now on.
So, with all this said, right now I'm stable. Or at least currently. I have family and friends I can talk to about what is going on. I feel safe and okay. And if I'm okay, not super great, but okay, then that is fine. I don't have to be 100% all day every day. Sometimes, those bad feelings come and go. I need to be patient with myself and give myself time to calm down. I think I will be fine.
I hope everyone has a good Christmas and New Year. I hope 2030 will be a great year. And if it's not, that's okay.
Thank you, all of you for following me and my art! I greatly appreciate it!
Have a nice day! Happy New Year!
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the-hiero · 2 years
Text
Blood Lust 2/2
Grian landed gracefully in front of Mumbo's place, barely bothering to knock before he went in anyways. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary so far, nothing was in disarray. So Mumbo was doing somewhat fine, if his housing seemed any indication. He stepped some more into the living room area, before immediately making his way to the bedroom, where he suspected the vampire to be. He knocked on the door, but didn't go in yet. He could hear a groan coming from the other side of the door and let out a sigh in relief.
At least the other seemed to be able to respond somewhat. "Mumbo? Are you doing alright in there? None of us have seen you around for almost a week." He asked and explained his reasoning for being here in the same breath, face still lined with worry. There were some noises, before the door was opened a bit, the room behind it dressed in complete darkness. It was even hard for Grian to make out Mumbo's features with how dark it was, but what he saw only made alarm flare up in the back of his mind. Because his friend seemed to be incredibly sick, if the paper pale (paler than usually at least) skin and the dark eyebags seemed to be any indication.
Paired with how much Mumbo was slouching and was even swaying on his feet, it was clear that something was wrong. Grian opened the door more, with slight protest from his friend, and look more into the room, before refocusing on Mumbo. "What's up with you, did you catch some kind of disease or something?" He tried to make it sound like a joke, as if it was impossible that the Mumbo Jumbo had gotten sick, but the question still sounded genuinely worried. The vampire smiled gently at the genuine concern for him, before his smiled faded. "Well, you see..." He started, before trailing off into nothingness. He couldn't really say the truth here, but no lie he could tell Grian came to mind. He was so tired, his brain could barely keep up with anything, so of course he wouldn't be able to come up with something.
"Yes?" The avian gently pressed for an answer, not sounding impatient at all, but rather curious as to why his friend was in a state like this. Mumbo sighed, giving up on trying to come up with a lie. "It's just been a while since I last had blood. It's no big deal at all, it just makes me a bit more exhausted is all." He muttered lowly, almost embarrassed at admitting how little he has been taking care of himself. But he just couldn't continue eating what was basically glorified paper, if one were to judge by the taste, when he had full five course meals running about around him. Not like his friends were nothing more than that to him, goodness forbid he only saw them as food. That would be where he'd draw the line for his own brain.
Grain shook his head slightly, making a klicking sound with his tongue, almost in disappointment. "You look like you'll drop dead if the wind blows at you the wrong way Mumbo, why didn't you tell one of us? We offered in the past, none of us would have minded helping you out!" His wings puffed up behind him at the last sentence, exasperation clear in his tone. "And don't give me any of that 'I don't want to hurt anyone' trash, it probably doesn't even hurt that much and you're just exaggerating it endlessly. Now let me in and I'll let you have some of my blood." He decided on the spot, not even letting Mumbo say anything, before making his way into the bedroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed that was in the middle of the room.
Mumbo looked almost stunned, taking a few seconds to react, then he changed from stunned to looking defeated. He sat down besides Grian, who tilted his head to the side with a triumphant expression on his face. "Go ahead, you'll know when you stop, or I'll let you know if it gets too much." He seemed relaxed, even if he was basically presenting himself to Mumbo on a silver platter. He had nothing but trust in his vampire friend and his actions. Mumbo muttered something under his breath that sounded like a complaint, before leaning in.
He tilted his own head slightly, then sank his teeth into the juncture where neck and shoulder met, groaning gently as the blood hit his tongue. The taste was nothing like any of the animals or villagers he's ever had. It was rich in taste, not metallic like some might assume. It was rather like a finely aged wine.
There were some soft noises from above him, some ruffling of feathers, but none of that really registered in Mumbo's head, as he continued drinking slowly, taking in the taste completely, not daring to waste a single drop. His tongue moved over the skin right under his teeth and there was the shuddering intake of a breath, before there were no sounds at all.
They held this position, as uncomfortable as it might have been, for a few minutes. It was around the time the vampire's hunger was sated and the avian felt just a little bit dizzy, but fine otherwise. If one could ignore the deep blush covering his features. "Stay here for a second." Mumbo muttered, before leaving the room shortly, coming back with a band-aid. He leaned down, almost casually, and licked the few droplets of blood that were around the puncture wounds away, before sticking the band-aid right where he'd bitten Grian. Because, opposed to what some books might say, vampire saliva did not have any healing properties.
"Thank you very much, dear friend. That helped me immensely, I feel like I could go right back to building!" He exclaimed and the avian nodded, seemingly far away. Mumbo's face showed nothing as he clapped his hands in front of Grian's face, the avian flinching back in surprise, before laughing sheepishly. "Sorry, sorry, got lost in thought there." He apologised, standing up quickly, only swaying for a second or so before he stood safely.
"Welp, I definitely gotta go now, got stuff to build, things to do, you know how it is. If you need me again, you'll find me, definitely. Bye!" Grian rushed out, before leaving in what seemed to be a hurry, hands fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater.
Mumbo stood in his room almost awkwardly, before huffing out a breath, seemingly amused. "He could have told me if he liked it so much..." He muttered to no one in particular, a smirk on his face.
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scandalsavagefanfic · 3 years
Note
Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.
Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤
I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.
Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.
That said, since you asked...
I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.
The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.
I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.
And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.
Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.
But those are never the stories we get.
⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠
I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.
Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.
In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.
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Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.
Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.
That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).
And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.
But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.
From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.
The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.
This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).
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This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.
This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.
This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.
As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 
Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 
This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 
The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 
Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 
But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.
I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.
(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)
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charliedawn · 3 years
Text
How would they react to the new arrival ?
" Hi everybody. My name is Y/N and I am the head nurse around here. If you have any questions, you can ask them to me. I see here that two of you are transfers from St John's, so you'll be assigned to miss Harrison's department..However, I see here that mister Wendell Crumb has just been released from prison ? Who is mister Wendell Crumb ?"
A close cut man raises his hand with a slight smile.
" That would be me."
You smile back before checking something on your file.
" Fine. You'll be transferred to my department. However, I see here that you've got many names..May I ask who I am talking to ?"
Wendell Crumb suddely straightens up and stares right at you with a very unsettling smile.
" I'm Barry. Nice to meet you.."
You raise an eyebrow suspiciously before looking down at his file. Creepy smile. Judgy stare. Feminine stand..Yeah, definitely not Barry..
" I'm sorry, but in order for us to get along, honesty is the key..Now, could you please tell me who you really are ?"
The man's smile only widens as he congratulates you.
" Clever girl. I'm Patricia. Nice to meet you."
He then claps with both hands and you narrow your eyes, trying to figure the new patient out. He seems harmless enough, even though his file seems to suggest the contrary. A great pretender. After all the effort you had put in getting the patients to trust you, this one would surely bring chaos. You could already tell by just looking at him in the eyes: he wasn't here to get better.
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You sigh before closing the file and signaling to the patient to follow you as Harrison enters. Wendell Crumb is almost too eager to follow you. You can feel his stare on you, as if he was sizing you up and down.
" The patients are eating, I suppose it is a good time to get acquainted with them and make some new friends. What do you think ?"
You smile and try to be nice to him, but he doesn't answer. He only huffs before looking away. You open the door to the cafeteria and feel the stare of all the slashers on you and the new arrival. Patricia seems to be doing a quick assessment of each slasher before finally landing on you.
" By what I heard, I thought I would be meeting fearless and bloodthirsty demons..But all I can see is a bunch of old-timers."
Your eyes widen in shock at his words and you can see some of the slashers tense. However, far from being intimidated, Kevin widely grins and seems to slouch slightly, taking another personality you guess.
" Hi guys ! I'm Hedwig ! I'm soooo excited to meet all of you ! Patricia said you were like us ! That's like, totally cool !"
To that, Freddy is the first to answer with a mocking smirk.
" Great. Another kid..Me who thought we would finally be enough to play poker. What a disappointment..Can he at least change his own grown-up diapers ?"
Suddenly, Hedwig's joyful expression shifts to a much serious one that glares daggers at Freddy.
" What did you say, steak face ?"
Oh oh. Freddy's expression darkens and he stands up to face Kevin that only arks an eyebrow at him, a silent challenge. One that Freddy is eager to respond to.
" What did you call me, baldie ?"
But, far from feeling intimidated, Kevin only stares down at him with a little smirk.
" You heard me, midget.."
You can feel the tension rising and put yourself between the two of them promptly.
" Hey ! That's enough ! Be nice ! And you.."
You turn towards Freddy with furrowed eyebrows, clearly displeased.
"..I told you to hold your tongue with them."
Freddy only humphs unhappily before getting out of your grip and glaring at Kevin that only grins defiantly at him.
" What ? That's it ? This is the infamous Freddy Krueger ? The bringer of nightmares and slayer of children ? I must admit that I am deeply disappointed.."
Patricia, she wants to rile him up. You quickly get another nurse to get Freddy to sit back down before he gives in to his violent impulses. You then glare at Kevin before taking him by the arm for him to follow you outside of the room.
" What are you trying to do exactly ?! Get killed ?!"
But, far from feeling guilty, Kevin's grin only widens as he stares directly back at you for several seconds, as if looking deep inside your soul..At the end, he pretends to be apologetic by raising his hands in surrender and finally giving some kind of explanation for his behavior.
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" I'm sorry. I'm just feeling overwhelmed, garden variety issue..You understand. We mustn't let the bad seeds take roots, or we may end up with bad weed issues.."
At this, Pennywise that had followed you discreetly gets out of his hiding spot to growl menacingly at Kevin.
" Bad weed ?! Who are you calling bad weed, pal ?! I'll show you bad weed."
But one stern look from you, and Pennywise reconsiders. But, he is still glaring daggers at Kevin that only giggles maniacally while you get him back inside. However, he doesn't miss the way you instinctively hold on to the pendent hanging around your neck..What a strange necklace..? He turns his head towards the slashers that all seem on edge now, like a pack of wolves ready to attack. However, it's even worse when he suddenly takes you by the shoulders to smell you behind your ear, his gaze still fixed on the gang that seems ready to jump into action at any moment..Even Pennywise doesn't notice that he is munching on his spoon instead 9f his actual food. You try to get out of his grip, but he only tightens his grip on you as a response.
" What ? Are you all her lapdogs now ? I see the appeal..But still, to think she managed to have you all around her little finger..The strongest men on Earth, all submitting to that small bite."
As if to prove his point, he starts nibbling on the top of your ear, waiting for a reaction. However, before anyone could do anything, Kevin feels something piercing his skin and turns around to see a smirking Five with a needle in his hand.
" Nighty night."
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Kevin collapses and you quickly kneel by his side to take his pulse. Thankfully, he's alive and you ask some nurses to bring him back to his room. You had agreed with the hospital not to use the collars unless it was a case of extreme emergency, looks like this could be one..
" Thank you, Five. But, dont use medical supplies without my permission again, okay ?"
He doesn't lose his smile before replying casually, hands in his pockets.
" Can't promise anything.."
The slashers are still staring at Kevin that is dragged out of the room. It takes you a while to reassure them that you're fine, even longer to convince yourself. However, Five seems even more suspicious than usual, he seems to be eager to return to his bedroom, and he was late for lunch..But, you don't have the time to worry about him. You finally manage to get them all to return to their bedrooms and walk inside your own. There, you let the mask fall and collapse on your bed, burying your face in a nearby pillow in order to muffle your tears and screams. Each time, you try to contain your own fear for the safety of the patients and yourself, but just with one touch, this new individual had made all of your walls crumble. However, you have to get it together, you couldn't let the other patients see you like this..You get up and cough a bit before cleaning yourself up. You then open the door, not expecting all the patients tumbling inside as they were listening in..You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose.
" What did I say about listening on doors ?"
They all stand up and look at everything but your face or simply try to justify themselves.
" Look, hon..We were only worried..Kinda ?"
Freddy tries to explain, but you take a big inspiration before stepping out. This is just what you needed: serial killers worrying about you.
" It's the hour of your medication. How about Michael and Five come to help me in the kitchen while you wait in the your rooms ?"
You finally decide to ignore Freddy and are surprised when Arthur takes you gently by the arm so you can look up at them.
"Hey, don't shut us down. Freddy is right, we were only worried."
You eyes soften at their genuine concern, but you quickly shake the feeling away. You had faced far worse, but this patient scared you the most..because he had attacked you as if he already knew, as if he knew who you were before you even introduced yourself. You will have to keep a close eye on that one, that's for sure. Fortunately, the patients hadn't reacted too extremely, or it would have turned bad, very very bad..You don't know why the hospital had suddenly decided to add another patient, but one thing is for sure, this new patient wasn't transferred here, he was sent here with a purpose. Now, your goal is to discover whatever purpose that is. You are on your way to his room when you realize something..You hadn't seen Jason all morning. He wasn't there for lunch either. You feel cold sweat running down your back when you suddenly hear some fighting noises. You run in the direction of the sounds and are shocked to see Jason, Five and, surprisingly, Klaus in Kevin's room. You don't have the time to ask what the last one is here that Jason takes Kevin by his shirt and throws him through the window.
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You look at Five for an explanation, but he doesn't look at you and looks at the broken window instead.
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" Did he just..?"
" Yup. He just did.."
Klaus confirms before turning towards you with a small awkward smile.
" Can someone please explain to me why a civilian is here and why Jason just threw Kevin out of the damn window ?!"
You exclaim and for once, Five is speechless and it's his brother that decides to step up to explain the situation to you.
" Hi. I'm Klaus, Five's older brother and I was about to help him escape until we heard noises of a fight outside. We got out and saw a bold man talking and fighting our dear sweet Jason that threw said man flying through the window. Literally."
Your eyes widen at the news of his planned escape and then look at Five with a confused frown. The idea of escaping wasn't what surprised you the most, but why would he want to leave now ? However, before you could ask, Jason, who is clearly upset, pushes right past you with angry groans and an uneven breathing. You give a stern look at Five, clearly signifying that this discussion isn't over before running after Jason before he could murder Kevin. When you get out, you see that all of the slashers had encircled Kevin that seems angrier than ever.
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" I'll kill you all !"
He shouts, but Freddy only cackles while leaning against the wall, with the sunglasses you had given him sitting on his nose, and Pennywise that has a bowl of popcorn in his hands.
" Come on, Jason ! We'll enjoy the massacre..There are no witnesses. Just show that clown who's the boss ! No offense.."
He quickly adds at the end to Pennywise that only smirks before fist-bumping him.
" None taken."
You run to stand between the two huge men that don't seem to even notice you. You look at Michael for help, but he only crosses his arms, clearly implying that he wouldn't interfere. Great..You think before turning towards the devil you know, your hands outstretched towards him.
" Stop, Jason. Please. This is not you. Whatever he told you, it is not worth this. You will be punished, severely. They will maybe not kill you, but they will lock you away, somewhere nobody will ever find you again.."
Jason seems to finally snap out of it and you smile when he takes your hand and yanks you forward with his supernatural strength. You chuckle, relieved while he hugs you. But then, you hear a loud sound behind you and turn around swiftly to see..Brahms ?! Brahms just took Kevin by the throat to crash the back of his head against the concrete and his hands are now around his throat, squeezing painfully tight. You run towards them and try to get Brahms to let go, but he only tightens his grip on him as you yell.
" Let go, Brahms ! What are you doing ?! I said let go !"
But he doesn't listen to you, even worse, he gives you a hard blow to the stomach with his elbow that knocks all air out of your lungs. However, you still find the strength to get up and this is when Brahms finally shouts furiously.
" He took my doll !"
You are surprised how he managed to form a whole sentence without stammering and also horrified by the news. Brahms' doll is Brahms' most precious possession, no wonder he wants to kill Kevin. But then, Kevin laughs and spits blood on Brahms' mask.
" Idiot. You kill me, you won't get the doll and they'll throw you in the darkest deepest hole they can find.."
You know that he is telling the truth and look at Brahms that doesn't seem to be willing to stop. You take a big breath before finally taking out the pendent they had offered you. You hold it tightly in your hand before ordering Brahms to stop.
" Stop, Brahms ! Let him go ! Now !"
Suddenly, as if under some kind of transe, Brahms straightens up and finally releases Kevin. Brahms then slowly turns towards you and walks to you until he is barely a few inches away from you and leans in so close you can hear his hectic breathing. You almost fear for your life and hold on to the pendent even tighter.
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However, he only humphs and walks away. You look up and, for once, see the disappointment in the different slashers' eyes. They all saw what happened, what you used to control Brahms.
" I..I didn't want to.."
But it's too late, the damage is done. The Joker, that had stayed silent so far, suddenly bursts our laughing, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes as he tells you bitterly.
" You know why Jason attacked Kevin ? Because he said that you were using us..Looks like he wasn't so wrong after all.."
He walks past you, not even giving you a second glance. You turn towards the rest of the slashers that seem either angry or even fearful of you.
" P..Penny..?"
You try to extend your hand towards Penny that is eyeing you warily and who growls warningly at you when your hand is too close. Suddenly, a hand snatches yours to yank you backwards.
" Back off, lady !"
Pennywise cautions you, his eyes glowing yellow in the dark. However, suddenly, some armed forces enter the yard and get out tazers to restrain the patients. You see one of the guards tackle Pennywise to the ground. To your horror, Penny bites the guard's shoulder that screams loudly in pain. Before you could say anything, another guard shoots some tranquilizers at the Penny that collapses.
" No..No !"
You run towards Penny and cradle his face with tears in your eyes. It wasn't supposed to go this way. What had gone wrong ? You look up at Pennywise that is now restrained and muzzled. He tries to break free to reach Penny, but the guards won't let him.
" Pennywise..I'm..I'm so s.."
But he glares at you and cuts you off harshly.
" Nah. Save your breath, princess.."
Pennywise says while eyeing you up and down with new-found disdain, even Freddy is not smiling anymore. The slashers are brought back inside with shackles and you feel your lower lip quivering. You didn't want to use the pendent, but he was going to kill Kevin and..You look back to see that Kevin is smiling. He even dares giggles when some guards come to take him away.
" Rejoice ! You are of the worthy ! You are broken !"
You don't understand and frown in confusion, but he doesn't add anything. You sigh deeply before getting back inside as well, you had to make it up to them..somehow.
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" You really think it's a good idea ? We aren't even sure that Kevin will be able to accomplish his mission."
But the woman, far from being worried, only puffs out a cloud of smoke and replies with a confident smile.
" Believe me, John. It will work..Soon, we'll have the slashers at our mercy. They'll be our little tin soldiers. And nothing will be able to stop us, brother.."
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colourful-void · 3 years
Text
Supporting Satoshi - an examination and comparison of JN36 and XY121
Part Two: Dragging your friends into sandstorms is also not a recommended way to treat depression but at least this one worked
So back to journeys, where Satoshi has just lost three battles in a row and a sandstorm is luring people in over in Hoenn.
Goh is immediately excited about the prospect of a pokemon hiding in the sand and goes to ask Satoshi about coming along. It's a fun note of Goh's character devlopment that his immediate wish is to go together. Goh at the start of the season would easily have abandoned Satoshi to go research on his own, but it doesn't even cross his mind for a second in this episode. Great work Goh!
Satoshi's not doing too hot. He's curled up in a corner talking to himself about how he's dropped a whole class. Goh tells him to cheer up, it was only a few battles, this does not work. Another similarity to the xy episode.
We can see more of the root of the problem here, that Satoshi fears he won't be able to live up to his dreams and that trying is fruitless. Now I know we're on the jp dub but I really wanna shout out the english, because in the english dub satoshi says "Battling (Dande)'s a dream I should get out of my head, I don't deserve it."
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"I don't deserve it", like I don't think there's a clearer way to represent the issue here than this line. He doesn't "deserve" to battle Dande, he doesn't even deserve to dream about it.
Goh dismisses these ideas and drags Satoshi out to Hoenn to go find the pokemon in the sandstorm.
They get to the sandstorm, Goh's excited, Satoshi's still upset. Back to the tried and true method of "just don't be sad"! Which of course, does not work.
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We can already see the similarites to Serena in Goh's actions. Both try their hardest with genuine intent to cheer up Satoshi using methods that work for them. (You can argue Serena was trying a bit harder here since Goh had alternate motives at play). However, what changes here is what they do afterwords.
The problem of dismissing someone's negitivity as not like them remains and I'm still salty about it, but at least in this senario Goh is affirming Satoshi's postivity and not getting upset with him while he's actively upset. It's marginally better but the problem remains.
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But that's not why I love this episode. What matters to me is what comes next.
Despite the distraction, Satoshi's still caught up in his eariler problems. He hasn't actually resolved them, so he can't let them go yet.
The boys make their way through the sandstorm, Goh rescues some people from the sandtrap, its going alright. At least until we run into flygon. Or more specfically, until Goh asks Satoshi for his help battling Flygon.
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This is Satoshi's expression when Goh asks him for help. Despite agreeing, he's clearly hesitant about this. He doesn't feel confident in his ability to battle the Flygon. He's so out of it he forgets the type match ups, and uses electric moves on a ground type, which of course are ineffective.
Satoshi continues to self loathe, berating himself for not thinking. His hat begins shading his eyes when this happens! He gets caught up in his mistakes and begins to feel as though everything is hopeless.
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Now, Goh doesn't do any of the 'no don't say that, you have to believe in yourself' stuff here. Instead, he keeps battling. He instead redirects the focus back to the fight, which is sort of the more pressing issue. It's also a good way of dealing with the problem as well! Goh's actively strategizing, looking for the next step to take. By doing that he's telling ash, indirectly, not to give up yet because there are still concrete steps to take, and that things aren't hopeless!
Satoshi is still paying attention to the battle though, and picks up on Goh's strategy. Goh and Satoshi also share a glance with each other when Flygon disappears under the sand.
Messon gets beaten and recalled.
and Satoshi begins to spiral. He gets so caught up in his previous losses that he visibly flashes back to them. He panics over what's dangerous for the pokemon, and the footage flashing specifically shows Riolu's losses and it being in pain after being attacked.
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Both Pikachu and Goh call out to Satoshi in concern after he falls over and doesn't get up. Satoshi's body langauge is imporant here but unfortunately image limit. He's not clentched up, his fingers are loose. even when he grits his teeth, the rest of his body language all together reads as though he's gone slack. Unfortunately, Goh's attention is pulled away by the Flygon attacking again, and the battle resumes with Rabbifoot.
Satoshi protests Goh's strategy, still afraid that battling in too close is dangerous. Goh turns to him for a moment, but has to keep his attention on Rabbifoot. This actually pulls him out of dazed body langauge, as he tense and clenches his fists when Goh starts to put himself in danger. He's concerned for Goh and Rabbifoot!
Satoshi wonders what Goh's thinking, and he's not even looking at the battle anymore. He's just staring at Goh intently.
Or at least, until Rabbifoot successfully executes the strategy, and uses the meteors as part of ember. It's a wonderfully animated sequence, and it works! Goh's proud and excited, all the pokemon jump around happily, and Satoshi just sits there dumbfounded, though visably relieved as well (eyebrows are no longer drawn together) before he begins to laugh.
But Goh's not done helping out Satoshi, and this is what sets this and the xy episode apart, this is where everything comes together.
Goh does what he does best, a big dramatic monolouge. He tells Satoshi that he learned all those tactics from Satoshi, it's the first thing he tells him before he even explains.
Goh tells Satoshi plainly that he does know how to do this, he's a good battler and he can succeed when he remembers to work with his pokemon in tandem and doesn't get caught up in things. And he tells him this right after he proves it to Satoshi's face.
Satoshi learns from examples, from doing, and Goh uses that as best he can. He gives Satoshi the example first, and then explains it later.
And the visual symbolism is incredible here because as Goh tells this to Satoshi the sky clears behind him.
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I cry over this part everytime. What better way to show that Goh has helped free Satoshi from the mental fog, that his words have cleared the way for him.
And of course, Goh keeps a smile on his face the entire time.
He continues to talk about working together with his pokemon, something Satoshi was neglecting to do because of his fear of not being good enough and letting those pokemon down.
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Satoshi reflects on this, adjusting his hat so it hides his eyes as he does. However, he's in control of this now, actively holding the hat in his hand, symbolizing that while he's still upset, he's in control of his emotions now!
Goh specifically kneels down to meet Satoshi at his level and speak to him directly, he puts them on equal ground.
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He talks more about strategy, and then he says a line I adore.
"Battling sure is complex, isn't it, Satoshi?"
Goh doesn't like battling, we know this. We know his only interest in it is as a means to an end and because he cares about Satoshi. And he says this because he's showing Satoshi how much he's learned from him. To really drive home that he attributes everything he just accomplished to Satoshi. All that trust and skill and work! Not to mention the fact that this is a call back to what Goh said after Satoshi won the Flutes in episode seven! Incredible, truly!
And Satoshi laughs and flops over, to which Goh worries. But Satoshi is smiling again, truly smiling. He calls himself stupid, the self loathing hasn't gone away entirely, but he is smiling, and he's staring up into the sky happily. There is no shade over his eyes anymore!
He finally addresses his pokemon again, with words similar to what he said in xy, and of course his pokemon love him and lay down with him. It's really cute <3.
And thats where the episode ends! My goodness, do I adore this episode. It's beautiful and i think about it all the time.
It's about finding new and crazy strategies to win, and when talking things out or distracting him doesn't work, Goh tries a new strategy that does! If he can't use ember and win with one strategy he'll try another. can't cheer up Satoshi with one strategy? try another.
What sets them apart is that Goh keeps going and stays by Satoshi's side, where as Serena got caught up in her feelings and ran off. Goh visbly takes Satoshi's way of learning and expressing things into account, and Serena doesn't make it that far.
There's so much care and effort that Satoshi and Goh share and it means the world to me. I can't wait to see what other moments they'll share in future, and what other parallels will be drawn!
I hope you enjoyed my ramblings, Thank you so much for reading this all.
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latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years
Text
𝓐𝓾𝓻𝓸𝓻𝓪 𝓐𝓼𝔂𝓵𝓾𝓶: 𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸
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𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚜. 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.
𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘 × 𝙿𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎)
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟹𝙺
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚄
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I breathed out an airy and desolate sigh through my nose, obviously I unconsciously did it a little too loud as the raven haired male sitting across from me looked down at the floor.
"It was all my fault.....wasn't it?"
I looked up, the glasses sitting on my nose bridge tilting slightly that I had to push them back up so I could study his features, or should I say, his expressions. His eyelids never blinked once, his eyes were trained on the pattern of the carpet underneath him, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. I looked with pity at the bandages wrapped around his wrists, some of the edges stained with fresh blood. I gulped slightly, my stomach threatening to spill out my meager lunch of an apple and avocado toast slice from earlier. I could handle hearing patients tell and retell me about how they stabbed their parents to death, cut off their significant other's genitals because they were unloyal to them, even tackled a deranged lunatic that once tried to...... seduce me to put mildly.......
But to this day, I can't help but get dizzy when I treat or deal with patients who are self harming victims, because yes, they are victims. Victims of their own self loathing, guilt, and depressive state that isn't their fault. It just pains me so much to see them resort to such drastic measures...
But I'm also not stupid and know some, if not most only do it for attention or to manipulate others, and Yunho is a case not far from it. Which is why I was the one sent to deal with him. All the other psychologists would have fallen for his sad puppy eyes, good looks, well built physique and would have released him too early into the world. Not that he's dangerous and a threat to society, but he's not emotionally nor mentally stable to go deal with daily life yet. And I'm not a softie by any means even if I'm patient and meek doctor when necessary. But I'm objective and I seek deeper into the true person hiding behind the front they put in front of me.
"Do you believe it was your fault Yunho?" Usually one would get scolded for answering a question with a question, but I prefer this method in order to get my patients to reason and draw out their own conclusions......
And makes them pour out their true answers.
I watch Yunho ponder for a moment.
"It has to be- otherwise she wouldn't have...wouldn't have-"
He bites back a choked sob, teeth tightening and gritting against themselves as he fails to contain his tears. His hands cover his face as he begins to cry uncontrollably, desperate and heartwrenching wails resonating throughout the 4 walls keeping us company. Reaching for the purple plaid box on the coffee table between us, I take out a few tissues and stand up from my seat. Lightly tapping on his shoulder, I whisper a 'here' to him. He thanks me, but since he's crying too hard no sound comes out his throat. For the next few minutes, he's blowing out his runny nose, all red just like his eyes from crying too hard. He's sniffling while trying to control his previous hyperventilating session. I want to hug him or at least give him a pat in the back. But I can't, I can only sit back and try to imagine the agony he's probably going through, try to put myself in his shoes as I dive deep into the event that got him here in the first place:
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Coming back from a trip to the store, Yunho momentarily looks around confused when he heard his baby daughter crying. Quickly putting the bags on the kitchen counter, he makes his way over to the nursery that adjoined the main bedroom. Calling out for his wife, he receives no response as he walks down the hallway. He calls once more for her but stops midway as he opens the slightly ajar door. His heart stops beating and his veins run cold as he stares into the lifeless body of his beloved wife hanging in the room, feeling as if the oxygen is being ripped out from his lungs, suffocating slowly.
As if sensing his agitation, his daughter's cries from the other room grow louder, so much that they raise concern from their next door neighbor, a kind and sweet old lady who more than once has offered her help in watching over the child or help them out in any way she could. Typing in the passcode, she makes it there just in time to stop the tall male from inflicting more harm upon himself as he holds onto his wife's body in agony. Having been left with no choice, she immediately calls for an ambulance, who arrive there shortly and take him to a nearby hospital.
He was monitored 24/7 as he had a history of attempted suicide before. The nurses and doctors didn't want another episode to happen again, not wanting to leave a barely 1 year old fatherless as well as motherless. As an investigation went, police found a journal hidden deep between the mattresses on the bed. When they poured over the first pages, they knew there was much more to the story than just a doting husband who couldn't live without his wife, hence why he was relocated to the infamous asylum......
And a specialized woman was tasked to not only unmask the truth, but hopefully help a poor broken mind be put back together again.
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Hence why I'm here now, the folder I had read over and over again still on my lap. It honestly amazed me that I'd actually get to work on a case like this, and of course I took up the challenge of digging into a mind like Yunho's, not just to help him, but to leave a precedent for any other situations like this that came after.
"A precedent?" I remember the officer asking me.
"Yes. You'd be surprised just how common these types of toxic relationships there are in an everyday basis yet no one ever looks deeper because they're too focused treating a depressed person who's trying to kill themselves and don't focus on what they really are...."
Shutting the folder, I tucked it under my arm before turning on my heel.
"A manipulative individual who'll do anything to keep someone tied to them forever."
That's how I viewed Yunho, it's how I should be viewing him. At least until I could hopefully get him to change.
"How's......is my daughter ok?"
I let out a soft hum and nod as I scribbled something down on the notepad.
"She's fine. We're having someone take care of her in the meantime, don't worry."
Yunho let out a sigh of relief, fingers fidgeting against his thighs as he mustered up the courage to say something.
"Could I.....could I please see her?"
From the sad look in my eyes he could already tell the answer was negative.
"I'm sorry Yunho....I'm afraid until we see some improvement, we can't allow you to be reunited with her just yet."
I tried to keep my voice steady as I said that, bracing myself to possibly see him breakdown once more. He had already lost his wife and now learning that his only child was forced away from him could possibly send him spiraling down into another episode.
But Yunho instead took a deep breath and seemed calm.
"I understand.....it's ok..." I knew he was saying those last two words more to himself than to me.
Lifting his face up, he suddenly shocked me by looking so bright and rather happy.
"So I guess it's best if we begin right?"
Even to this day, I don't know whether I should have been delighted to have such a compliant patient.....
Or terrified.
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"Tell me Yunho, what was your first reaction when you saw your wife?"
A subtle hint of a smile curled at the corners of his lips.
"I thought she was the kindest and most caring person in the world, very pretty too. She just walked in and the room instantly lit up."
He was reminiscing about those times, I could tell. That fond look on his face was unmistakable.
"Do you believe you fell in love at first sight with her?"
His smile suddenly dissipated, eyebrows scrunching together as if recollecting memories from so long ago.
"I think.......I felt attracted to her.....but.....I don't think it was love?"
I could tell he felt conflicted with himself, but that's exactly what I wanted. I want him to question every feeling and sensation he felt at the moment so he could decide for himself if it was real or just a mere illusion he held. If he starts to second guess or question what he felt then he'd start reasoning and come to the conclusion that what he felt was wrong and mistaken. He'd see that his actions weren't justified.
"So when do you truly believe you fell in love with her?"
I stopped writing on my notepad and watched him close his eyes as he tried to pinpoint the exact time he felt whatever he thought was love.
"One night....one of our friends was feeling down in spirits. I witnessed how caring she was towards them...kindly reassuring them that they were loved, that they mattered. I vividly remember her kind eyes and loving smile as she comforted them. Then it hit me that she was that kind of person. Selfless, caring, doting, would sacrifice anything for her friends and family...... it was hard for anyone not to fall in love with her."
He turned his hand over, studying the wedding ring that he still wore to this day, the engravings of their initials being his prime interest.
"And at that moment I knew I had to have her. I couldn't let anyone else have her. I wanted her.... that love, compassion, empathy..her confidence and strong nature, I wanted-"
He stopped mid sentence and his eyes wizened in horror as he came to the realization I had foreseen long ago. He looked up at me, meeting my unwavering eyes that held no emotion at that moment.
"She had all the qualities I had always lacked in."
I took my glasses off and nodded.
"And I unconsciously wanted them for myself.... but the only way I could have them was...through her?" He seemed sickened with himself.
"Not exactly Yunho. You could have learnt to love yourself and raise your self esteem." I quickly scribbled my observation down.
"But I didn't. Instead I caged her up and slowly tore her down."
I couldn't help but let out an involuntary smile as he drew out that conclusion.
"Glad to know you've accepted that fact, even if it took several months for you to understand."
Shutting the notepad, I lifted myself up from my chair, straightening my blouse. Yunho followed suit.
"Is our session over?" He was always so polite, always escorting me out and holding the door open for me, which other doctors would have adamantly refused, too scared to come close to their patients. But not me. I let them have certain liberties at times.
"Not yet Yunho. As you've made remarkable progress, I got permission for you to see someone."
He was momentarily confused for a split second. Poor thing probably thought it was one of the nurses coming in to give him some new medication to take, which he hated with a passion. Stepping outside for a brief moment, I happily took the young baby in my arms, the little girl already used to seeing me as I always went to go see her after being with Yunho for a few hours. When I came back inside he had his back turned to me, once again staring off into nowhere. The light gurgled babbles the baby emitted caught his attention immediately. He whipped his head around so fast I thought he'd break his neck for a second. He teared up as the child began squealing in excitement as she recognized her father right away.
"Oh my-" He choked up with tears that he couldn't finish his sentence.
I calmly walked over to him, lightly bouncing the baby in my arms. Yunho hesitantly reached his hands out.
"Can I..?" He had such a hopeful glint in his eyes.
I didn't answer, I merely held his daughter out to him. As soon as she felt his embrace, she latched onto him as if he was one of the teddy bears she often slept with. Perhaps he was one.
No....he is one.
In my time of spending time with Yunho, I've come to strongly believe he is a sweet and tender individual. And judging by the way the little girl feels safe in his arms, I do believe he is capable of being truly loved.....
If he learns how to properly love not just someone else, but himself too.
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Stepping out of my car, I quickly grab the small pink bag on the passenger seat before locking it. Treading through the small patch of green grass, I ring the doorbell and wait for one of the occupants to open up for me. No surprise, I'm greeted by the same raven haired male I met nearly 3 years ago. He looks delighted to see me.
"Y/N. Hi!"
I wave at him, a small but genuine smile on my features.
"Hi Yunho. Did I come at a bad time?" I notice the apron covered in flour and leftover egg on it.
"Oh no not at all. Please come in."
Moving aside to let me pass, my nose catches the scent of baked goods filling the air. I can distinctly recognize the hints of lavender and french vanilla, an odd but surprisingly tasty combination. I spot out of the corner of my eye a little head peeking out from the kitchen, curious to know who had come to pay them a visit. Letting out a squeal, she quickly ran over to attach herself on my leg.
"Y/N!"
I chuckled and lightly run my fingers through her hair which was longer than the last time I saw it.
"Hi Jina, I see you've been baking something." We both chuckle as I scraped off some cake batter that had gotten on the tip of her button nose.
"Me and dad are making cupcakes for my friend's birthday party tomorrow." She explained.
"Wow that's a really nice gesture. I bet they'll turn out delicious."
Remembering that I was short on time and that I had one last task to carry out, I pull out the bag I had hidden behind my back and hand it to her.
"It's for you."
Her eyes began to sparkle so much they could rival all the stars in the galaxy. After thanking me like 20 thousand times, she plopped her tiny body on the couch to tear into the contents inside it. I shake my head before taking out a small paper from inside my trench coat.
"And this is for you."
Taking the slip from my fingers, Yunho opens it up and scans what it says. He seems confused for a moment, not fully understanding what it means. He looks to me once more, probably for the last time, asking for an explanation.
"It's your official release from the institution. No more drop in visits, no more eyes on you 24/7, and soon you won't have to continue with the prescribed medication, although when that happens they will send someone once in a while to check up and make sure you're ok without them."
Yunho nods but it is a rather sad and pained nod.
"So this means you won't be seeing us any longer?"
I inhale deeply and nod.
"This was a temporary thing until you got better Yunho. After all....I was only the doctor assigned to you."
It hurt me to say that as much as it probably hurt him, as much as it'd hurt Jina to know I wouldn't be coming back anymore.
"Can't we at least be friends?"
I hated seeing those puppy eyes of him practically beg me, signature trait he passed on to his daughter.
"That would be completely unprofessional of my part Yunho. I deeply cherish and treasure all the time we spent together and I'm beyond happy and satisfied that you've come so far since the start of our journey..."
I sighed deeply.
"But every journey has an end." He finished my sentence.
Extending his hand out to me, I took it and gave it a firm shake.
"I'm really going to miss you." He admitted.
"Me too. Me too."
Going over to the momentarily forgotten 4 year old, she let out an 'oof' when she suddenly found herself cooped up in my embrace.
"Take care of yourself and of your dad ok?"
I kissed the top of her head, her grinning face not registering that this might be the last time she ever saw me. Yunho walked me out the door and even escorted me all the way to my car. Always the gentleman, he held the door open for me. Before I could even get one foot inside, I felt a large hand grip my wrist. Turning to him, I was flustered when he suddenly pulled me close to him.
"Please don't leave. I need you....I..."
He looked conflicted with himself as he tried to finish his words. Taking a deep breath, he confessed:
"I love you."
My heart sank. He said the 3 words I hoped he'd never direct at me. Mainly because I was scared as he was. Don't get me wrong, Yunho is a wonderful man, and he truly deserves to be loved....
But am I certain that he has finally learned to love? Or is it because he feels he needs me?........
Only one way to find out.
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slashingdisneypasta · 3 years
Text
Sylvester the Cat x Toon!Reader || Drabble
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Plot: I'm just experimenting with the Looney Tune idea so possibly enjoy some cute Sylvester Jr wanting you to be his new other parent.
Warnings: Toon violence?
You're just tying up the ends of Wile E's bandages into a tight little knot, prompting a wince from the coyote and a little board sign saying 'Ouch!'. Immediately you wince, stepping back. "Ohh... sorry, Wile E... I'm not exactly certified... " Daffy made you do this job, seeing as you're worse at sports then any of them- and that's saying something.
His head falls forward slightly and his ears wilt as you step back.
"Okay! Who's nex- " Turning around - picking up some more bandages and band aids in one fist, and an industrial sized tube of Acme branded antiseptic cream tucked under your other arm, - you look about for your next patient.
- And droop as soon as you see what kind if work load is waiting for you. It looks like every toon you know is lined up for medical attention!
The bandages and band aids slip out of your hands and scatter across the floor. "Oh boy." Quickly taking a deep breath to refresh yourself, you perk right up in order to get to it. Okay! "Sly! You're first, what's wro- Uh, hah. Nevermind."
Looking at him... maybe you don't have to ask...
Tweety flies through the giant gaping hole in Sylvester's tummy and the cat gives great sigh, slumping forward. "Why are the only times he's in there are when he can get out!!"
"I know, I know, woe is you. Sit down." You have no time for sympathies right now, you can allocate Sly only 2 minutes- and that's because you like him. The other patients coming get only one. "Okay, Sly!... um... " Oh brother you're stuck. Why do you do with an ailment like this?? Sylvester patiently sits, waiting for you to finish as you set your paws on your hips with a huff... wondering where exactly to go from here. Hm. "Do you maybe... know where your insides... are? Like, presently?"
"Uhh, they were... disintegrated... "
You two share a concerned look. "Maybe... spackle?- "
Just as Sylvester is gulping down his fear at your crazy suggestion, a certain black and white kitten comes speeding out of the crowd at the two of you. "FATHER!" Sylvester Junior stops at his fathers side, eyes wide with worry. "Father! Is he okay, Y/N??"
As you start rifling through your medical kit for something actually useful, you waive a dismissive paw at the kitten. "Oh, don't worry SJ. Your dad has recovered from worse- you know that."
Oh- that gives you an idea! It may not be strictly medical... or orthodox in the least, but its worth a try! Come on- you guys are toons. Straightening up, you look to the court; Searching for the little yellow speck you know is flying around somewhere.
Sylvester Jr nods slowly, pouting. His eyes are big, and round, and adorably full of worry. "Do you think I can sit on his lap safely, Y/N?"
Oh he's just the cutest. You turn back to your patient and raise your brows at him. "Can he?"
Sly perks up at the chance to get some much needed affection - rather then shameful berating, - from his rugrat. "Of course he can- come on, son- oww... " Unfortunately Sylvester Junior throws caution to the wind, and launches his little body at his father- almost going all the way through and causing you to seriously wince, but luckily Sylvester has a good grip on him and sets him in his lap rather then inside the cavern that was his belly. "Aghhh... thanks, son... I feel a lot better now... oof!- "
Sylvester Junior has thrown his arms around his father, and your heart leaps at the adorable scene...
Except- you wouldn't have, if you had heard what was really going on in that hug.
Sylvester's eyes widen and he deadpans at his son, hearing the words that come out in a rushed, hoarse whisper as soon as the hug he thought was genuine closes around his neck. Of course... this is his son, after all...
"How am I doing, Father?? Is Y/N looking?? I've been told that other cats become more inclined to date a cat who's good with children!, and since you're hopeless at that, I've elected myself, your darling baby son, to help you! So, are they looking father??"
"Junior!"
"Yes father???"
"I do not need your help to woo anyone, and I'm working on Y/N... " Sly tries to assure Jr, not sounding totally sure as his eyes fall downcast. "Its, uh, just a slow process, is all... " After a moment, he proudly lifts his chin, and he would puff out his chest, if... you know.. it was there... "I got your mother on my own, didn't I??"
Sylvester's proud moment is cut off quickly as his son pulls away from him to give a very deadpanned, sassy expression at the mention of his absentee mother cat. "And where is she, may I ask, father??"
A loud 'Aha!' comes from you a few feet away as you jump up, and grab something right out of the air.
Deeply rolling his eyes, irritation flickering inside him at the antics of his son, Sylvester Sr plonks him down on the bench beside him, angrily crossing his arms. Jr follows suit, looking like an exact replica of his father... except, smaller.
Blinking blankly around to see the two, with Tweety now wriggling around in your paws, you giggle at the sight. "What happened to you two? You were having such a heart warming father-son moment a second ago!"
"I'm full of shame, Y/N. Oh woe... "Sylvester Jr sighs, shaking his head as Sr turns his head slowly to look at him. "How am I to face my friends at the playground... My father- a loser!"
Sylvester pointedly looks away, angry eyes pointing towards the court. "My son... a spoiled brat. How am I ever to show my face in society, again?" An even heavier sigh comes out of Sylvester Jr at that remark, and Sylvester Sr immediately jumps up from the bench, pointing a stern finger at his son. "Oh no ya don't- Don't you dare get out that bag!!"
"But Father! I'm full of shame!" Sylvester Jr whines, holding the paper bag in his lap as you watch the two in wonderment. How they can bicker like this, and still have such an adorable, open relationship you have no clue - some kids are too scared to talk back to their fathers, - but the state of these two's relationship is truly, really endearing to you.
Oh how you love Sly... You catch yourself swooning at the thought of him, and immediately stop yourself. Stop it, Y/N! This is not the time for that. Taking a deep breath, you shake yourself. Okay, back to the task at hand.
Meanwhile, Sylvester snatches the paper bag away from Jr. "Oh, cut that out, wouldja?!"
While there's a pause in the argument, you jump and take your chance to hold up Tweety in front of Sylvester's face- his pupils shrinking at the sight and his teeth growing sharper, somehow.
"Oh no oh no- You mean old puddy tads- using me like this!" Tweety exclaims, wings pressed firmly to your paws and pushing, struggling to wiggle up and out of your tight grip. Yeah yeah, you think. Tell it to the choir.
Hopefully when I let Tweety go, Sly will give chase... and be all better!
Heh... isn't that how it works? It is, right? He'll 'perk right up'! you could say.
"Alright... here goes nothing!" You squeak, closing your eyes and letting Tweety go, hoping to god that Sylvester doesn't trample you in his endeavour to snatch his favourite little yellow bird.
Feeling a wind blow against you side and ruffling your fur as Sylvester springs to action, you slowly crack your eyes open again- first seeing Sylvester Jr as he still sits on the bench in front of you swinging his legs over the side of the bench, before peaking over your shoulder, and... "Yes!" You cry out as soon as your keen feline eyes catch sight of Sylvester looking good as new again on the court, chasing Tweety through the still-roaring basketball game. Clasping your hands together, your tail wiggles excitedly behind your back. "It worked!"
"What?" Sylvester hears your cheering and immediately halts in his tracks, looking at you then down at himself- a big, toothy smile spreading across his face when he see's he's all better. "Y/N! You did it! Thanks!"
"Of course!" You call back, then point at the scoreboard and wink. "Now kick those Monstar's butts for me!"
The green Monstar turns a squinty looking evil eye on you at hearing your words but you don't care- you're far too busy burning the image of Sly giving you a thumbs up into your mind.
"Heheh, no problem... " That trademark evil grin slips across Sly's face again as he rubs his paws together, turning his attention back to the game as you sigh, paws on your hips; Happy with your job well done.
"Uh, hello??" Someone speaks up from behind you, and you jump, suddenly remembering the mile long line of toons that still need medical attention.
Ohhh... great. You slowly turn around, seeing Elmer giving you angry eyes and quickly look extremely apologetic, paws awkwardly behind your back and spine as straight as a plank. Oops!
You might seem help... you think you tilting your head to see the rest of the long... long, l o n g line. "Uhh... SJ? You wanna help me play nurse, maybe?"
"Oh, yes Y/N!" He exclaims enthusiastically, hopping off the bench and taking up your medical kit in his short little arms- which is way too big for him. You giggle and take it from the kitten, patting his head. "I'll be happy to be your assistant!"
Fist bumping each other, you wink. "That's the kinda attitude I like to see! Lets go."
~
A couple hours and countless injuries later and the game is coming to a nail chewing close. Truly, this is a new level of anxiety you're feeling as you leave Sylvester Junior, now exhausted and up past his bedtime, curled in Granny's lap with a blanket strewn over him. Then you sit back down to watch the game beside a very injured Sly, as Witch Hazel defibrillates Taz.
If Michael doesn't make this shot - with but seven seconds to go, - he has to move to Moron Mountain in your place. You all dragged him here for help and now h's the one with everything on the line.
You cant help but feel a massive load of guilt.
"Oh I cant watch!" You squeak suddenly amongst the thunderous sounds of the audience at 4 seconds, and cover your eyes. "Tell me when its over!"
.
.
.
3 seconds later, the buzzer screeches and you hear the toons around you cheering, and peak out nervously from beyond your paws. ... What happened?
Your gaze flickers to the score board.
Oh my god. A deep, relieved breath comes out of you. "We won!?"
"We won!" Sylvester concurs, jumping up from the bench and throwing a fist into the air. Then he puts his paws on your arms and beams down at you. "We're not gonna be slaves!!"
You wonder what you could say in response, but the one thing your body is telling to you to do is throw your arms around him- so you do. And he doesn't think twice before squeezing you back, picking you up and swinging you around.
Then the world comes crashing down around Sly, as his son opens his eyes to see the scene- and gasps. The kitten sits up quickly in Granny's lap and points. "Oh, father! You did it! I knew you could do it!"
Immediately Sylvester puts you down, his paws retreating from you and a definite sense of nervousness - and maybe embarrassment? - settles over him. You raise your brows, confused, but still swimming in the joy of the game being won and just tilt your head as you confusedly smile. "What did he do??"
Sly Jr doesn't even think a second before gleefully elaborating- despite his father very nearly shaking his soul free waving his hands at him in a doomed endeavour to shut his son up. "No- stop, Junior!- "
"Asked you out! Didn't he?" As the wide eyed bewilderment on your face and the utter horror on Sylvester's dawns on Jr, his shoulders drop and he turns disappointedly at his dad. "Didn't you?"
"No!"
"Oh, father!- "
Sylvester Sr's tail, shoulders, and head slump forward as he turns his kitten around so he faces away from the two of you, embarrassment replaced by exasperation. "You're tired, son. Go to sleep. Night night, sleep tight, sweet dreams, don't let the bed bugs bite and we'll talk in the morning." Then he slowly, meekly turns back to you.
And you're practically glowing. "Sly... what's he talking about?"
"Father likes you!- " Sylvester Jr tries to speak up again, turning his head but Sr twists his head carefully back, a reprimanding tone in his voice.
"Sleep! Hah hah... " Sylvester (Sr) turns back to you, arms held carefully behind his back as he chuckles nervously. "My son is... troubled... a little- "He point at his head and swirls his finger; A gesture reading 'Loopy'. As soon as the meaning behind that word and his gesture occurs to you, you visibly droop. Oh. Okay... I guess SJ was just messing with us... Sly watches this reaction, and his ears perk up quickly; Sensing some dissappintment. "I mean, uh... unless you liked the i-idea?"
You peak up at him again from the floor, seeing his face slowly going red. "... D-do you?"
"Wha- I asked first! You answer the question."
"Hey." Setting your fists to your hips, you look stubbornly at him. "You were just taking it all back! So you tell the truth. Which is it??"
"Yeah- but I asked the question first!"
"Sylvester James Pussycat Senior!"
"Pfft... if you think pulling full name on me is going to change anything... " He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "You've got another thing comin'!"
Your eyes narrow, and so do his, before suddenly Taz jumps up from the bench he was resting on and ZOOMS past Sly so fast and so hazardously, that he's caught off guard and jumps forward with a yelp- accidentally knocking you.
"Oh!-"
"H-hold on, I got ya!!" Sylvester's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates and he grabs you just before gravity manages to drag you down to the ground; Pulling you back up to your feet- which just so happens to bring you two extremely close together.
Two sets of eyes widen and faces go red.
Everything seems to go a little quieter around you, the deafening sounds of the auditorium seeming to get plunged under water as the crazy all just slows down for just a moment. Enough for you to enjoy the few seconds you foreseeably get before he jumps back like someone sprayed him.
But to your surprise, he doesn't move. Just stands there and looks shocked... but does not move even an inch away from you. Doesn't even let go of you.
Finally, after a few good moments, you sigh and give in. "... Sly, would you like to go out sometime with me?"
"Ah... " His ears flatten against his head as he looks bashful, with a cute little smile that makes your stomach do backflips as he curls his tail around yours. "Yes, I'd like that very much."
You lean up and give him a feather light kiss on the cheeks- and he goes even redder.
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nishisun · 3 years
Text
suna rintaro is NOT a genius. (2)
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part 1
summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.
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Summer 2021
[recording. patient: suna rintaro | session: 1]
[dr. natamoto] hello, rintaro-kun. how are you feeling this afternoon?
[suna rintaro] conflicted.
[dr. natamoto] ah. thank you for your honesty. so, what brings you here today?
[suna rintaro] team- ahem, my teammates.
[dr. natamoto] very well. (shuffles through notes) so, one of your teammates, miya-san, called me a little over a week ago and we discussed about your well-being.
[suna rintaro] ...i’m aware.
[dr. natamoto] do you have a specfic reason as to why you agreed to see a therapist?
[suna rintaro] i’ve.. been feeling down lately. I guess people noticed it, so i wanted to seek help.
[dr. natamoto] okay, (shuffles through notes) from my notes here, it seems that you’ve been feeling this way for a while. how long have you been feeling down altogether?
[suna rintaro] … a few months now. It’s gotten pretty bad these past few weeks. Alcohol has been my only escape. that’s kind of why i came.
[dr. natamoto] i see. Tell me, how often do you drink alcohol?
[suna rintaro] almost every day. i’ve been trying to reduce my alcohol intake because it affects the way i practice.
[dr. natamoto] i see. rintaro-kun, how would you describe yourself in one word?
[suna rintaro] (chuckles) irritable.
[dr natamoto] why did you pick “irritable”?
[suna rintaro] people say i’m an asshole, at least i’m aware. i know i get angry and annoyed easily, i’m not blind to my own actions.
[dr. natamoto] thank you for the explanation. so, miya-san also mentioned how you’ve been suspended from the black jackals team due to your behaviour recently.
[suna rintaro] (scoffs) if i knew that this place would make me feel shittier than i already do, i would’ve never agreed to come here.
[dr. natamoto] (chuckles) right, my apologies. (shuffles papers) so, growing up, miya-san mentioned that you lived in a destructive household? how so?
[suna rintaro] … (sighs) fuck. this is harder than i thought.
[dr. natamoto] take your time, please.
[suna rintaro] my parents didn't have the healthiest relationship with one another. my dad was an alcoholic and was abusive- still is i’m pretty sure. when he found out my mom was cheating on him he lost it i guess. (long pause) i don’t want to talk about my childhood that much.
[dr natamoto] i completely understand. last week, your father was taken into custody by the police, and you will have to speak at court, is that right?
[suna rintaro] ... yes.
[dr. natamoto] so, i’m guessing that ever since you heard the news, is when you’ve been feeling more down than usual?
[suna rintaro] yeah.
[dr. natamoto] tell me, rintaro-kun. at that specific moment, when you heard the news, what did you feel at first?
[suna rintaro] i don’t know, numb. i didn’t feel anything at first to be honest. It’s just been hard to be motivated to do things recently.
[dr. natamoto] okay, so you’ve been feeling numb, and haven’t gotten any motivation recently.
[suna rintaro] yeah.
[dr. natamoto] have you.. by any chance talked to someone about this?
[suna rintaro] (chuckles) i tried.
[dr. natamoto] and how did that go?
[suna rintaro] shitty.
[dr. natamoto] so sorry to hear that. who was this person you talked about it to?
[suna rintaro] someone really important to me, her name’s y/n—i fucked things up, again.
[dr. natamoto] how so?
[suna rintaro] she was concerend about my recent behaviour as well, i lashed out on her and said some hurtful shit that i didn't even mean. now she hates my guts, again.
[dr. natamoto] again? Explain.
[suna rintaro] i’ve known her since we were kids. our parents were childhood friends and we lived next door to each other our whole lives. we were never really close to one another, but we still talked every now and then.
[suna rintaro] i was into her in senior year of high school, though.that’s when we started getting closer. she acted like she didn’t want me but most girls act like that at first. they want you to chase after them, and i sure did even if i acted like a dick to her. it was worth it though.
[dr.natamoto] ... you must know a lot about girls.
[suna rintaro] sure do.
[suna rintaro] at her sister’s wedding a few years ago, i did some fucked up shit. She managed to give me another chance after meeting kimi and i fucked that up too. all i’ve ever done was hurt her. i keep coming back in her life and i bring her nothing but stress.
[suna rintaro] i want to be better—i really want to, but it feels like a never ending cycle. i just want to do something about it.
[dr. natamoto] well rintaro-kun, i am very glad that you’re willing to be better.
[suna rintaro] thank you. i needed that.
[dr. natamoto] anytime. now, why do you think you keep hurting her?
[suna rintaro] like i said, it’s ‘cause i’m a heartless asshole.
[dr. natamoto] what makes you think this way?
[suna rintaro] because all i do is hurt people.
[dr. natamoto] if you were heartless like you claim to be, you wouldn’t be seeking help to better yourself for you and your family. you’re far from heartless.
[suna rintaro] ... i guess you’re right.
[dr. natamoto] okay, (opens ipad) what do you see in this picture?
[suna rintaro] a baby.
[dr. natamoto] correct. now, what is the first thing you think about when you hear the word “baby”?
[suna rintaro] if i’m being honest? kimi.
[dr. natamoto] (laughs) makes sense. did you have any negative thoughts when you saw this picture?
[suna rintaro] no… not really.
[dr. natamoto] okay.. how come?
[suna rintaro] … what?
[dr. natamoto] how come you didn’t experience any negative thoughts when you viewed this picture?
[suna rintaro] … i don't know?
[dr. natamoto] so if i told you that i wanted to hurt this baby, how would that make you feel?
[suna rintaro] the hell?
[suna rintaro] concerned for you.. i guess. but why would you want to hurt a baby? Only a heartless asshole would do that.
[suna rintaro] … oh.
[dr. natamoto] exactly!
[suna rintaro] what’s the point?
[dr. natamoto] (shuffles through notes) you said “all i do is hurt people” a few minutes ago, but that isn’t the case rintaro-kun.
[suna rintaro] …
[dr. natamoto] i think that you claim to “hurt people” because you’re afraid of opening up, especially to y/n; you’re afraid to show vulnerability.
[dr. natamoto] when you said you lashed out on her when she was concerned about your behaviour. Is it maybe because you’re afraid that she’ll judge you for this?
[suna rintaro] no, she would never judge me. i know her.
[dr. natamoto] i thought you’d say that. so from everything i’ve heard, the only other reason i can think of is that you’re afraid of y/n and kimi getting attached to you, because you’re afraid that you’ll hurt her— them, again. am i correct?
[suna rintaro] ...
[suna rintaro] fuck. uh, yeah, you’re right. Shit.
[dr. natamoto] why is it that you don’t want them to get close to you?
[suna rintaro] .. they.. deserve better. i can’t give them both the happiness they deserve.
[dr. natamoto] and why exactly is that?
[suna rintaro] why is what?
[dr. natamoto] why do you think you can’t give them the happiness they deserve?
[suna rintaro] because everytime i’ve came back into y/n’s life, it was always me that screwed shit up. She’s been generous enough to forgive me everytime. i don't deserve all the chances she’s given me.
[dr. natamoto] rintaro-kun, do you want to hear my input on this situation?
[suna rintaro] well, obviously, you’re the therapist.
[dr.natamoto] here’s what i want you to do; i want you to talk to y/n, even if she “hates” you, which i’m pretty sure she doesn’t.
[suna rintaro] how do you know she doesn’t hate me?
[dr. natamoto] she wouldn’t be giving you so many chances. Don’t you think, rintaro-kun?
[dr. natamoto] i think the reason she keeps giving you chances is because she wants you to know that she’s hoping you’ll change for your good. she’s willing to stick with you through your ups and downs. and i don’t want to speak for her, but it seems like she’s in love with you.
[dr natamoto] may i ask, what exactly did you say to her the last time you’ve seen each other?
[suna rintaro] i… i told her to stop worrying about me.. and told her i wanted her out my life.
[dr. natamoto] did you mean that?
[suna rintaro] of course not. i’m a mess without her. i don't know why i said that.
[dr. natamoto] what caused you to say this to her in the first place?
[suna rintaro] i don't know, i guess i was already having a rough day and i wanted to be alone but she wouldn’t—she kept asking me what was bothering me. I’m a dick.
[dr. natamoto] it’s completely okay to want some alone time. Instead of lashing out, you can use a method called “I sentences”. It’s basically when you express the way you’re feeling, using “I” to start the conversation. for example, “I feel”. after you express how you’re feeling, follow it up with “I would like it if you’d please…” Try it.
[suna rintaro] okay…
[suna rintaro] i feel irritated right now and i don’t want to put it out on you. im grateful that you care for me so much, but I would just like it if you’d please give me some time alone for a while.
[dr. natamoto] perfect! since we’re running out of time, i want you to write down all the things you’re grateful for at the end of each day, just to end the night on a positive note. after doing this for a week, i want you to talk to y/n. If the conversation gets too heated, try to slow yourself down by using the “I” sentences. I know it may sound inconvenient at first, but trust me, they work. i want to see you in the next two weeks is that fine?
[suna rintaro] right, thanks doc.
[dr. natamoto] anytime! Have a wonderful day, rintaro-kun.
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—welp this is the second part and unfortunately i never wrote a third part because this was just an old series that i gave up on a while ago. i hope you enjoyed it! i’m sorry i didn’t write anymore parts:( i’m just trying to empty up old things in my drafts
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wolvesandpetals · 3 years
Text
Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 2 of 2
Part 1 is here:
She never knew it would hurt this much when the person she loves is right in front of her, but she can't reach out and touch him; when she is still her, he is still him, but everything else has changed, like an invisible lever in an old theatre changing the scenery in the background, bringing them both to the part of the play where they are hopelessly lost.
[[MORE]]
All it took was one single moment, one single decision, and everything feels irrevocably broken now. It makes her contemplate on the true nature of relationships, how fragile they are, and how easy it is to shatter them- and her.
The smoke is slowly clearing, and all that seems to be left is a man who is doing his best to keep his distance from her, physically and emotionally.
She can tell from the way he stands with his arms crossed, or his fists clenced when his hands are by his side, that he really doesn't want to hold her hand. How can something so simple as the touch of his fingers be so vital to her existence that it feels like something has been ripped out from inside her?
She wants to reach out and touch him, but she is scared that if he pulls away outright, any hope of reconciliation that she still has left will shatter into pieces.
And she really needs this hope. It's the only thing she still has left. It's the only thing that keeps her going.
---
He looks like a man with a mission.
They spent quite a long time together, running from the TVA, running towards the citadel at the end of time, hoping to achieve their goal of bringing down the one behind the curtains.
But that was her mission, and he was there for her. She was the one behind the wheels, he was the one keeping the sails afloat.
Now it's different. Now he has a defined goal, a glorious purpose.
She's seeing him in a whole new light now, and not just because he has switched to Asgardian leather and metal armors.
As far as she is concerned, she is better off doing it all alone. One woman army, nobody to get in her way, nobody to screw up her plans. Nobody to blame her if it all goes to shit.
Or so it was, until two months ago, when Mobius decided to enlist her help in fixing the multiversal madness.
She has never really worked with people before, and it's weird, to say the least. She never considered herself a team player, but she is finding herself hating the idea less and less lately.
And she swears it has nothing to do with him. Not the fact that they are working together, and seeing his face first thing in the morning brings her a sense of calm that she quite can't explain. Or the fact that their rooms are next to each other and it makes her feel secure enough to finally get some rest at nights. Or that this whole arrangement has kept them on talking terms, when they had gone their own separate ways otherwise.
Nothing to do with that at all.
---
Humans are stupid, and the biggest evidence of this is how they decided that two extremely powerful Gods skilled at magic, enchantment, and defeating an evil extra dimensional cloud that swallows everything it touches, should be delegated to the role of research. "You're clever. You're good at reading people. You can put yourselves in the shoes of the bad guys, no offense", they said, but really, what they meant was, "We can't trust you out in the field much." She knows it, he knows it. She just doesn't know why he's complying.
That's how they find themselves researching every single day.
She likes to think he's not the only reason why she's studying in the library instead of in the comfort of her room, but that'd be a lie.
At first, he chooses to sit at a separate table. But she keeps going over to his to "get his opinion" on something in the file she's reading, and finally, he gives in. Their current arrangement consists of him sitting in the chair in front of her, to the left, prim and proper, while she hoists her feet up on the table.
He falls asleep on the desk one night, face smacked against a file, the tiniest bit of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. It would be a hilarious sight, if her heart wasn't feeling what she can only describe as longing.
They should probably talk about it, like mature adults, but neither of them know how to do that.
All she can do right now is gather the courage to run her fingers through his hair. The touch is hesitant at first, as if one wrong move would make him wake up and push her back to square one. Slowly, she relaxes, letting her fingers dance on his scalp.
He stirs in his sleep. "Please Sif. I'm sorry. Don't cut off my glorious locks, please."
Now this is a story she must hear when things are better.
If things are better.
---
Doctor Strange joins them very briefly, very rarely, but the tension between him and Loki is hard to miss. It's worse than the current situation with her, and that's saying something.
"You don't really like Stephen, do you?"
Something inside him seems to shift, but he masks it behind a non-chalant look immediately and just arches an eyebrow at her. "He's Stephen now, is he?"
"Well, that is his name." She shrugs. "What do you call him?"
"Strange", he spits the word out with an amount of irritation that indicates there definitely is a story there. "That is his name", he mimics.
She can't help the smirk that spreads across her lips. "What did he do to you?"
"Nothing", he lies, ignoring the horrifying flashbacks of thirty minutes of endless falling. Not a single soul must ever know a mere human got the best of him. "What can he do to me? I'm a God among those mortals. He just irks me because he is so pompous, and arrogant, and he ceaselessly uses magic to toy with others."
She pretends to think deeply. "Now where have I seen that before?"
He scoffs. "You mock me, but I am nothing like him. For one, I am not rude."
"He seems fine to me", she declares decisively.
It's the first time in months that he gives her a cheeky grin. "That's because you're rude too."
---
They are still just containing the threats to their world, instead of finding a way to fortify the barriers between worlds and stop the threats from coming.
"Shouldn't we have a plan to seal off the other worlds from ours?" She asks him one day.
"They are working on it." He tells her, and then with a look of worry, adds, "I hope."
There are debates on what to do at the Avengers tower and at the TVA. Nobody seems to agree on what the best course of action is, but everyone seems to be following the general instructions of Doctor Strange.
During one such meeting, a Minuteman makes the mistake of voicing out loud how she wondered if things would be better if they were running according to their old boss's plans.
Sylvie feels the guilt wash over her once more.
"No", Loki tells them all firmly. The determination in his voice takes her completely by surprise. "Evil is evil. Lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary. The definition’s blurred." She catches him steal a glance at her direction. "We couldn't have left a dictator in charge just because it's convenient. Listen, I'm the bad guy. I've done horrible, unspeakable things. I thought humans needed to be ruled. I wanted to rule. But even I know that it's not right to take away a person's life completely. These are innocent people. You are innocent people. You have families back home, parents, children", a pause and a softening of his features, "-love. A whole past, a whole future. That man had no right to take it away from you."
His powers of persuasion are foreign to her, and it's mesmerizing to watch. Her enchantments cannot hold a candle to how he is able to just talk people into doing what he wants, thinking what he thinks, seeing what he sees.
"He who remains had a plan. One, singular plan, from one, singular man." There is absolute conviction in his voice. "It's not the only way. We'll find another way. A better way."
She has never known what it is like to have someone see you for who you are- broken and flawed, and defend you- even your well-intentioned actions that yielded different results than what you expected and hurt them in the process. She suspects it has been the same for him, a lifetime of not having anyone have his back.
The warm feeling inside her is brand new. What is the name of this? Comfort? Relief?
Happiness?
---
This will be their first time out in the field in a long time, and she feels a little sick to the stomach.
He notices. "Are you alright?"
The concern in his voice tugs at her heartstrings. She nods. She has faced way worse, she shouldn't be so nervous about this, but she is. "I've never done this before."
"We can always just kill him and blame it on the Chitauris", he suggests with a serious face.
"I heard that", Peter yells from the other room, where he is doing whatever it is that teenagers do to prepare for battle.
She shakes her head in disbelief. "I can't believe we're babysitting."
"I've done this before", he assures her, and it surprises her to picture him being entrusted with such a serious task. "The trick is to conjure up illusions that keep them distracted enough to not cry."
She laughs. "You're thinking of infants. This one is a little older."
"I'm over a thousand years old, Sylvie. They're all infants to me."
Peter joins them, mask covering his face so that he doesn't reveal his identity. "So what do I call you? Loki and Loki? That's confusing. How about Loki and Lady Loki? Or is that offensive? I'm not suggesting women are inferior, because they're absolutely not..."
"Does he come with an off switch?" She whispers in horror as Peter rambles on.
Loki grins. With one wave of his hand and a flash of green, Peter's own webbing shoots out and seals his mouth shut.
---
Things are fine but not fine at the same time. He's right there beside her, but not there at all. They have their banters, they have their stolen glances, but they haven't had a meaningful conversation since that first day when she got back. She's been putting it off for a long time, but she knows they really do need to have the talk.
She corners him in his room one evening while he's tinkering with a temporal collar. She takes a seat in the chair next to his bed and rests her hand on the table, leaning her head against her palm, before switching position and crossing her arms and legs. Everything about her posture screams uneasiness. If he notices- he probably does- he doesn't say anything.
"You defended me that day."
He briefly looks up from the task at hand and gives her a soft smile. "Of course."
She blinks. "I don't understand." Her hands involuntary rise up to rub her temples. "If you can justify my actions to them, then how can you still be mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you", he says without missing a beat.
"Rubbish", her words come out angrier than she intended. This frustration is the result of the months of status quo they have had. She has to know now, one way or the other. "You're distant. You're guarded", she accuses. Then her voice breaks, as she feels a part of her break all over again with her next words. "You don't hold my hand. Why? Tell me."
He abandons the collar and focuses his full attention on her. Staring straight into her eyes, he answers her. "You know why."
"I wouldn't be asking if I did. Look, if it's because I chose the mission over you-"
"-Of course it's not that." He says decisively. Then a sad smile clouds his face. It's the same look he had when she accused him of conning her to gain the throne. "Do you think I'm the type of man who would want a woman to abandon her life-long ambitions just because she has met someone?"
She knows he isn't. But it still doesn't answer why he is so cross with her. "What is it then?"
He pauses for a moment, trying to decide whether he wants to bare his soul out to her once more or not. There are two ways he can go from here- choose to not let her in again and save himself from the hurt, or trust her again and open himself up to potential pain.
Who is he kidding? Pushing her away- keeping her away- doesn't hurt any less.
There were a thousand things that had to go wrong to bring two Lokis from two universes together. A connection like that, it doesn't just happen.
And it doesn't just go away. The pain is constant, it's a part of him, pounding like a second heart every second he has to stop himself from reaching out for her hand.
This has to come to an end.
He takes in a deep breath, bracing himself. "You didn't have to send me away, Sylvie. I wanted to stop you from making the same mistakes I did. But in the end, I didn't care what you chose. I just wanted us to do it together."
She never even imagined this could be the reason for his hurt. All these months spent thinking he hates her for her choices, and now it turns out he is hurt simply because she chose to do it alone? "I'm sorry." She says sincerely. "I just wanted you to be safe."
"And I just wanted to be there with you till the end." He confesses. His eyes shimmer with the emotions he has kept bottled in for so long. "You go, I go."
She doesn't know what to say to that. She has never been good at articulating her feelings. Tears stream down her cheeks at the realisation that even after everything, he is still there for her.
She didn't cry even back at Lamentis when they thought they were going to die. She doesn't let anyone see her cry when she is sad or scared. That's all she has known her whole life. She's used to it by now.
This is new. These are tears of relief. Comfort.
Happiness.
Tentatively, she crosses over to the bed and sits by his side.
It's quiet for a few minutes. But unlike the months of tension so thick she could cut it into splices with her daggers, this is comfortable silence. The kind they had before it all went wrong.
"Did you even miss me?" He whispers.
"What kind of silly question is that? Of course I did." Her shaking hands grab his, and oh how she missed this.
He intertwines their fingers. His eyes draw closed. Bliss. That's the only word for this feeling.
He opens his eyes again and studies her. She's staring back at him, teary-eyed, but with a hopeful smile. "Really? Because you have a really unique way of showing it. You didn't even come looking for me."
"I didn't know how to face you", she tells him honestly. No tricks, no enchantment, no treachery. Not with him. "I didn't know if you even wanted to see me." Her voice grows quieter, dropping to a timbre that perfectly encapsulates her deepest fear. "I thought you hated me."
"Hate you?" He is shocked that she thinks that is even possible, specially after seeing him these last few months. "Sylvie, I'm working with the Avengers. The Avengers. Do you know how much I hate them? They are my nemesis. They're self-righteous, condescending, and so completely dull. Every second with them makes me want to rip their hearts out. Why do you think I'm here with them?"
She thinks she knows. But she needs to hear it anyway.
"It's because of you." He lays it all out on the table. All cards on deck, win or lose. "You've been running away. I have been the one who has been here, trying to hold down the fort, working to fix everything. Because that is what one does when one loves-"
Shit. The word slips out before he realises it.
Their eyes go wide in unison.
"Sylvie, I-"
"-Don't you dare take it back now." She warns him. "I-" She doesn't know how to say it either. They make such a great pair, both equally daft at saying how they feel, like they are teenagers, not Gods who have lived for centuries. "I've been running because I didn't think I could bear the burden of knowing I found you and then I lost you. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."
He kisses the back of her hand, before letting it go. He cups her face, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I don't want to lose you either."
She leans in closer, until their foreheads touch. She can feel his breath on her face, warm and soft. That is exactly how she feels inside. "You won't", she promises. "You go, I go."
---
(Quote on Lesser Evil from The Witcher. Thanks for reading!!)
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julemmaes · 3 years
Text
Honey - part three
Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre roommates au
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A/N: famous last words: I can finish this is in two hours. six hours laters and I feel like I’ve been beaten up by a gang of bigass old faes if you know what I mean.
IT CONTAINS SMUT, not suited for readers under 18
Please be kind I fucking hate my smut, if it’s disgusting just don’t comment on it cause I could hit my head on the wall several times
masterlist
Word count: 7,519
Aelin's scream was like a stab to the brain, "Get up you nasty little bitch!"
"Ace! Why don't you try with sweet Ellie?" retorted Lysandra.
Elide didn't even have the strength to open her eyes or move from the fetal position she was in, curled up with a pillow pushed so hard against her belly that she wouldn't have been surprised if it had somehow damaged her internal organs, "Please leave."
The two didn't seem to hear her.
"Sweet?" Aelin huffed, "But you did see her last night, right?"
Elide opened one eye, seeing that they had both sat down at the end of the bed. She felt the cracks tugging at her eyelid and grunted, pressing her face into the pillow. She wanted to die. And she wanted Manon to come and free her from those two supposed friends who she knew were about to remind her of her misadventures.
"Except for what happened before we left," Aelin winked, placing a hand on her foot. Elide withdrew it, not wanting to feel physical touch of any kind at that moment. "I would have been willing to break up with Rowan so I could get between Kyllian and you, honestly."
Elide grunted again, her voice muffled by the pillow. "I'm begging you girls, you need to get out before I throw up again."
And it was true, she would throw up if they didn't stop talking. Plus, Elide didn't care in the slightest what the drunk her had done. She hated her so much.
Lysandra giggled and she felt it as she climbed between the covers until she was settled next to her on the pillows, "Between her and Lorcan though, no?"
The cry of disgust that erupted from Aelin and the all too loud laugh from the other didn't make Elide register the words right away, but as soon as she realised what they had said, her stomach began to twist and turn, and not like when Lorcan accidentally brushed her hand or when he put his hand on her thigh during movie nights. Oh no.
With a movement she didn't know she had the physical skills to make, she shifted the covers off her body and launched herself into the hallway, slamming her hand against the bathroom door and throwing herself to the floor in front of the toilet before the highly concentrated alcoholic contents in her stomach spilled onto the floor.
As she vomited and Lysandra tied up her hair, massaging her back, Elide felt her heart break slowly. She wanted to turn around, to ask Aelin what had happened, or maybe not. She groaned as another gag shook her body and her eyes filled with tears once more as she puked what could only be alcohol.
"How do you still have stuff in your stomach?" muttered Aelin from outside the bathroom door.
Elide didn't blame her, vomit was disgusting and she was particularly sensitive to the sound of gagging. The only reason Lysandra wasn't the least bit uncomfortable was her younger sister Evangeline, who she had practically raised without anyone's help. Whatever came out of a person's body, their friend had already seen it in all shapes and colours.
Elide cursed herself for thinking such a thing while she was bent over the toilet throwing up, because it pushed her over the edge one more time and a sob wracked her body, "Fuck-" she managed to mutter between spits.
"I thought you weren't going to barf any more after last night," Lys said, continuing to rub her back.
"True," Aelin mumbled a little louder, "did you keep drinking after?"
Elide managed to turn her head towards the door, seeing that her friend was sitting on the floor just outside the bathroom. She grimaced as a gust of air that smelled like vomit reached her nose, "After what?"
"You and Lorcan left after you threw up," Lys explained to her. Elide didn't bother turning towards her, she didn't have the energy, "And you threw up so much Ellie, everywhere. It's weird that you have anything else to reject."
It wasn't weird at all considering the only thing Elide remembered was the amounts of alcohol she had ingested. She'd started just before seven with straight tequila, desperate to see how indifferent people were to the biggest catastrophic problems in human history, and everyone knew she couldn't handle alcohol even in small amounts. But Elide was also known to be the type who could drink for hours without ever feeling sick, if she now found herself bent over the toilet the next morning, it meant she had gone too far.
"I don't remember anything."
"It's okay, don't worry about it," Aelin said and Elide felt a shiver run through her body at the hint of mischief in her voice. She braced herself mentally to hear how much she'd actually whored out the night before, "We're here to fix the memory loss."
Lysandra made a disgusted noise as Elide flushed the toilet and the water stirred underneath them, but she patted her shoulders and pulled herself up, "You need to take a shower first though. Because you smell like death."
"Geez, thanks," Elide murmured as she began to undress.
The grin that appeared on Aelin's face made her hands freeze around the hem of her shirt. The other arched an eyebrow, looking into her eyes, "What? Lorcan is the only one you can flash?"
Elide closed her eyes, bringing her hands to her face and then let go a scream of frustration.
"Exactly."
Oh, god.
"I remember..." Elide scoffed, running her hands through her hair. When her fingers reached the tips, she was horrified to find they were encrusted with what was surely vomit from the night before. "Fuck."
Lysandra snickered beside her, "Why were you so drunk that you didn't realise what you were doing so damn early?"
Elide looked at her, and although she knew the question was only asked to tease her more, there was a note of concern in her tone. Her shoulders sagged a little and she shook her head, starting to undress undisturbed, "I set out to research a few things and the world is a shitty place and there was nothing I could do in the immediate future to save us all so I got drunk."
"Sounds like alcoholism," Aelin joked.
Both Lysandra and Elide laughed, "If you knew what I found out you'd get drunk too," the latter added.
"Send everything my way." the blonde winked at her, and then they went out, leaving her alone to wash away the sins of the night before and letting her mind travel. And Elide's mind travelled far too much as she racked her brains to remember Lorcan's reactions to a naked her.
After her friends had told her everything that had happened the night before. From her taking her clothes off in front of her best friend, to him getting stuck in their bathroom and calling Aelin for help, to her dancing with Kyllian specifically to make her roommate jealous - or so the drunk her seemed to have justified her actions - to Fenrys saving her from what was sure to end up being just casual sex that would only widen the gap between her and Lorcan.
Gap that apparently wasn't as pronounced as she thought.
Aelin and Lysandra had told her about the way he had pushed his way through the crowd and joined Elide on the dance floor. The way they had danced to one of their favourite songs until they had been on the verge of kissing.
Elide had never been so relieved to know that she'd thrown up on someone. And that her plan to attract Lorcan had worked.
She was cooking now, thinking about how bad it would have been for her to find out they'd kissed without having even the slightest recollection of it happening, when the front door opened and the boy who was the object of her dreams walked into the kitchen.
He stopped in the doorway, looking at her with the most emotionless face Elide had ever seen him wear.
"Hello, handsome." she murmured, continuing to cook.
Lorcan stood still in the threshold for a while without saying anything, as if to sort the situation out. Then, without taking his eyes off what she was doing, he took off his jacket and shoes and walked into the kitchen, "How are you feeling?"
Elide had her back to him as she washed some tomatoes, "Just a bit of a headache. I threw up again when I woke up, but other than that I'm fine."
"Did you drink some water? Had breakfast?" he asked her.
Elide shook her head looking at him, "I woke up after noon, Aelin and Lysandra came over." then frowned, "I think it's their fault I threw up."
Lorcan chuckled, "Sure, absolutely." then he gathered his hair into a messy bun and Elide focused on the way the muscles of his biceps tensed every time he pulled on the elastic, "It's not the alcoholic coma from last night at all."
Elide gathered some courage and taking a deep breath, said, "About last night-"
"We don't have to talk about it," Lorcan immediately interrupted her.
She looked up at him, trying not to show any emotion, trying to read his on that sculptural face that remained impassive. Then, seeing the way he was looking at her, she came to a conclusion.
She arched an eyebrow, plastering a grin on her face, "Does this mean you didn't like my tits?"
Lorcan turned red in the face before stuttering, "No. I mean, yes! No, fuck. Shit... I don't know."
Elide chuckled and began to dress their salad, "You've never seen a pair of tits before?" she asked knowing full well how untrue that was.
When she had moved into the flat, both she and he had had their own wild nights out where they brought home a different partner every weekend. On one occasion, Elide had been stunned when she came out of her room and bumped into a girl she had spent the night with a few weeks earlier. The girl had only bid her good morning, winking, before returning to Lorcan's room.
"No, it's not that," he muttered, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"So surely you'll have other samples to compare my boobs to and you'll be able to tell me if they're above average," she continued, prolonging this gentle torture.
He sat down, both elbows resting on the table, and rested his chin on his clasped hands. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds, then whispered, "What are you doing?"
"I'm making our lunch," she replied innocently.
She heard him breathe through his nose, "Why are we talking about your tits, I meant?"
"Uh," she smiled, casting him another quick glance, "I didn't think you were so grossed out that you can't even handle a conversation about them."
The frown on his face went deeper and deeper. He remained silent for so long that Elide thought he would never say anything again, that she would never get his thoughts on her breasts, but when she served the salad, sitting down in front of him, he finally spoke.
"It's not that," he repeated, looking away, "they're very nice. Balanced." he began to eat undisturbed and Elide grimaced in amusement, finding a way to keep the conversation going.
"Balanced? What are they? An economic system?"
Lorcan clenched his jaw, setting his fork down on his plate and looking into her face again. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, that she was risking losing her sanity, but she had to know, had to-
"They're perfect and, maybe they are because they're attached to you, but they're probably the most beautiful tits I've ever seen."
Elide's brain shut down. And he seemed to realise it too because the shadow of a smile began to form on his lips.
Lorcan leaned forward on the table and her eyes snapped to his arms. Fingers flexing, interlocking, caught her attention completely. She returned her gaze to his, feeling her body heat up as he resumed speaking. "If I'm going to be completely honest... If you want the details, Elide," the way he said her name made her most intimate part clench around nothing, "I've never seen such nice, small nipples and that pink?" he shut his eyes, moaning as he brought one of the tomatoes to his mouth and wrapped his lips around the fork.
Elide swallowed the mouthful that had been in her mouth for over a minute and nearly choked when he opened his eyes again and they were darker than normal if that was possible.
She looked away, too many feelings building up inside her, but crossed her legs, trying to relieve some of the tension there.
"Wasn't that enough, Ellie?" he asked in a rough voice, biting into an olive, making sure she saw the way his lips closed around it.
She swallowed again, "No, it was fine..." she cleared her throat when it came out too weak, "Thanks for the feedback."
Lorcan let go a throaty chuckle, "The pleasure is all mine."
***
Like every Sunday evening, the whole group had gathered at the twins' house. And that night everyone was there, although Vaughan and Vesta, along with Aedion and Sorrel, had gone out into the back yard a few hours ago and had not yet returned. Elide suspected they'd taken to smoking.
Those left in the house were playing one of the most popular games, "I feel like."
The game had no real objective, other than to embarrass people or get them to confess to extreme or obscene sexual acts. It was simply a matter of drawing a card, reading what it said and giving it to the person you thought had done the closest thing to what was described on the card. The only real rule was that you had to tell the whole story of what happened if the card you were handed told the truth.
Quite often the game would be interrupted because one of the two sides of the various couples would cheat, change the rules and instead of passing it on to the appropriate person, they would pass it on to their partner as an invitation to lock themselves in the first spare room they could find to experiment with what was asked by the game.
The cards could range from as basic things as "I feel like your first time was in a public restroom." to as a bit more hardcore as "I feel like you got fisted in the woods."
And in that moment, Elide had a strong feeling that Rowan and Aelin would soon be going home.
"Oh my fucking god," Rowan muttered as he read the words on the card, turning red from head to toe. He looked up at Aelin, swallowing and making his adam's apple bob, "Where do you even find these games?"
Elide giggled beside him, "There's a girl on the internet who updates the cards every month and puts them up for sale, we take turns to see who has to buy them each time."
"Oh god," he said shaking his head. When he slid the card in Aelin's direction, the girl leaned towards him to leave a soft kiss on his lips and when they broke away they were both smiling. Aelin read what was written on the card and for a second it seemed like the colour drained from her face, but then she blinked and cleared her throat, looking at Rowan with wide eyes.
"Maybe we should go away. To try it out." she murmured, so quietly that only those on the couch with them heard her.
Elide looked up at the boy next to her, or rather, behind her, to see if he was listening, but he seemed lost in thought. He had been absentmindedly stroking her arm since they had settled there, and Elide didn't think she had ever been so relaxed in her life.
She and Lorcan were sitting at one end of the sofa, opposite to Rowan and Aelin, her between his legs and with her back against his chest. Every time one of them laughed, their bodies moved closer together and now she had her head resting on the part of his chest between his neck and shoulder.
She was home.
Fenrys and Connall, across the living room, sitting on the floor, booed.
"You can't pass them all on to her!" complained Lysandra.
Aelin didn't even look at her as she spoke, her eyes always fixed on Rowan's, as if they were having a telepathic conversation, "Lys, shut up."
Her friend gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth.
"I say we vote to kick them out of the room," Asterin said, in exactly the same position she was in, but between her boyfriend's legs. Half the people in the room raised their hands to the sky, making Aelin roll her eyes.
Fenrys nodded, always ready to back Asterin up in whatever situation they were in, "It's starting to smell like Rowaelin in here."
Lorcan chuckled behind her, knocking her forward. And as the others lost themselves in the chatter, Elide shifted her gaze to Manon, who sat in the armchair next to the couch, one hand in Dorian's hair, who sat with his head resting on the armrest.
Her friend's bright eyes sparkled with malice as she arched an eyebrow and gestured to the boy she was practically sitting on. Elide felt her cheeks blush, but smiled naively at her, pretending not to know what she was alluding to. Manon smiled back.
Elide had never spoken openly to her about Lorcan, not in that way at least, but she knew Manon knew - in fact, now that she thought about it, she had never had to do that with anyone. Everyone had been rather quick to catch on that. Everyone except Lorcan.
The hand on her arm stopped, clinging completely against her skin and Elide had to force herself not to look at him, but then he lowered himself onto her and whispered in her ear, "Ellie."
She turned her head just enough to look at him and his lips brushed her cheek, so briefly that she thought she had imagined it. Lorcan had pulled back and was now looking into her eyes, "Your turn."
She blinked and turned towards the others, only realising at that moment that all eyes were on them. She felt her face burn, but she nodded, putting a hand on Lorcan's knee and pushing herself forward, rubbing her ass on the crotch of his trousers. She'd been doing this all night, all night teasing him, just as he was teasing her, brushing the side of the breasts from time to time.
And each time, Lorcan would burst into a coughing fit and move further back, which only gave Elide a chance to grind even harder against him in an attempt to regain the comfortable position they were in before.
As she settled back into her seat, she met Fenrys' gaze, who had a shit-eating grin on his face. She lowered her eyes to the maroon card in her hands quickly, shimming her hips between his legs. Lorcan's hands ended on her shoulders and she looked up at him, batting her eyelids like a fawn.
"Stop moving around so much," he grumbled.
She smiled gently and then took up reading. She hadn't touched alcohol that night, for obvious reasons, but she still found it hard to understand what was written there when Lorcan's fingers began to draw imaginary lines across her bare skin.
"I feel like..." she whispered, her eyes going wide. She looked across the sofa at Rowan.
The friend gave her a chuckle, "I told you they seemed a bit extreme."
I feel like you performed a titjob on someone while being eaten out.
Before she could realise what she was doing, she said, "Can I give myself the card or...?"
Dorian turned a quizzical look on her, "You know you have to-"
Fenrys shrieked something unintelligible, but that stopped Dorian. Manon above them clenched her hands into fists, her eyes half-closed at the sudden commotion, "I haven't killed you yet just because-"
"Yeah yeah, just because of Asterin, I get it," Fenrys replied moving a hand midair, his gaze never leaving Elide's, who in a moment of clarity realised what Dorian was about to say. What the blond said only served to confirm her fear, "But Elide just confessed to doing whatever is written on it and I want to know every detail."
She felt Lorcan stiffen behind her and then Elide realised something else entirely. He must have read what was written on the card.
"So?" pressed Aelin, leaning over Rowan and snatching the card from Elide's hands. She opened her mouth wide with an amused expression, then put on a pout, looking at her boyfriend, "These are the things I sometimes wish you'd be a little more open about."
Rowan arched an eyebrow, reading the card in turn, "We can do those two things at the same time and without anyone else having to see you naked."
Lysandra, next to them, picked up the card, "Oh, Aedion and I did that too. Although it was a normal blowjob, no titty job." she exclaimed happily.
One thing that pleased Elide greatly was the fact that no one in that room would judge her for what she did in the bedroom and who she did it with. Also because there was a high probability that they had done it too.
And slowly the card was passed among all the members of their group and when it reached Fenrys and Asterin, the girl winked at Elide, murmuring a sensual, "I've never done it, but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt." Fenrys winked behind her, intertwining their hands. Asterin's smile only grew wider, before she added, "You have our numbers."
Elide blushed, but smiled anyway, nodding.
Everyone began to talk about the various possibilities, as they did during every turn, and the card finally passed from Dorian and Manon and the two exchanged only a glance before giving the card to Lorcan.
Lorcan who was taking deep breaths one after the other and had his eyes closed. Elide had never seen him so focused in her life. She noticed the way he contracted and relaxed his jaw repeatedly and frowned.
Was he alright?
She ran a finger over his thigh to get his attention, tracing a line from his knee to where his leg touched her hip and Lorcan let go a shuddering breath, opening his eyes slightly and tightening his grip on her shoulders, "I don't think you should do that." his voice so hoarse and deep that Elide felt her stomach knot. She didn't understand what he was referring to.
And then she felt it.
Hard and... thick against her ass.
She opened her eyes wide, pointing them at him, and held her breath. She had to stop herself from opening her mouth in surprise, but she couldn't stop herself when her hips pushed against Lorcan's now obvious erection.
Elide had never been so happy to hear Fenrys' laughter as she was at that moment, because if it hadn't been for the sudden noise, the moans that escaped them both would have been heard all too well and neither of them would have been able to look at anyone else in the room for the rest of their lives.
Lorcan swallowed, breathing through his nostrils, and his gaze fell to her lips. Her eyes did the same and she didn't care that they were among everyone and would have everyone's eyes on them if they did exactly what Elide was thinking, because his lips parted slightly and he whispered her name and she was lost.
Without thinking about it for another second, Elide turned just enough to have her face directly in front of his and closed her eyes, feeling his lips brush hers. She released a breath she didn't know she was holding, "Lorcan,"
And then she kissed him, and it was exactly as she had always dreamed it would be, as his lips moved with hers and they tasted and breathed from each other. A sound that Elide had never made in her life rose up her throat as Lorcan shifted and with a sharp movement of his hips turned her fully towards him and now she was on her knees in front of him, both of them breathing heavily as they looked into each other's eyes.
Someone coughed in the room and she heard Aelin whisper a weak "fucking finally", but Elide didn't give a shit.
She placed her hands on Lorcan's face, tilting his head back so she could reach him better. The second his hands landed on her hips, their lips collided again in a fierce kiss and his tongue found its way into her mouth.
The first touch of their tongues was like having a thousand fireworks explode in her mouth.
"Okay, it's time to join the others," Manon murmured.
Elide heard Fenrys mutter, "Please not on the couch, there are guest rooms upstairs."
Lorcan pulled away from her just enough to see what was going on around them and her hands slid around his neck, ending in his hair as she admired the line of his cheekbones and the way his lashes caressed his skin every time he closed his eyes.
God, he was beautiful.
"Which one can we use?" asked Lorcan as he looked at Fenrys.
Elide's eyes went wide, causing him to turn towards her. She ran a thumb over his lower lip, smirking, "So sure of yourself."
Without missing a beat, Lorcan mimicked her grin and squeezed her hips, "You don't want to?"
Elide smiled, turning towards her friends, stopping to look at Fenrys, "The second on the left right?"
When the owner of the house winked at her, nodding, she stood up, pulling Lorcan with her, who had a confused look on his face, "Why do you know that?"
She had the decency to blush, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the stairs, "You don't want to know."
Lysandra burst out laughing as everyone resumed their seats on the floor or the couch, "You really don't."
Elide tugged at him more insistently, not looking at Lorcan's reaction to those words. She just wanted to get to the room and lock herself in with him.
When she felt his hand settle on her hip and slide down to her ass cheek, where he paused to give it a squeeze, she almost turned and slammed him against the wall just so she could continue kissing him how she needed to.
They arrived in front of the door and she stopped with her fingers on the handle, once inside there would be no stopping. There would be no point of return.
His fingers brushed her cheek and she turned to face him, who now wore a ravenous, excited look, but Elide could see the concern and hesitation in taking the next step, "We don't have to do anything, Ellie."
She nodded, because she knew that was the case, but squeezed his hand to emphasize what he said, "But I want to."
"Good thing, cause the thought of you fucking those two gave me some ideas."
She grinned, placing a hand on his chest, "I wasn't the one doing the titty work, but we can always try."
Lorcan groaned softly at the knowledge of Elide licking another girl and then pushed the door open, backing in and taking his-
Whatever Elide was at that moment to him, it wasn't important.
The only thing that was important was his lips on hers.
The difference in height wasn't making it easy for him, and when he leaned down even further, never breaking the kiss, to run his hands under her knees and pull her up, Elide seemed to understand that right away and, pulling away just enough to jump into his arms, they found themselves on each other in seconds.
Lorcan bit her lower lip, making her moan, and when he moved to her jaw, nipping lightly at her skin, Elide threw her head back, pushing her hips against his and drawing a groan from both of them.
He immediately took the opportunity to latch his lips onto the smooth, quivering skin of her neck, feeling the bed behind his knees and sitting up, letting her straddle him. His hands moved up her legs, caressing her inner thighs, but never really getting close to where she needed him most.
Elide began to grope his chest, grazing the skin of his arms, but never staying in one spot, until Lorcan began to suck at the bare skin between her neck and shoulder and she nudged him slightly.
He quickly pulled away, panting, "What?"
There were too many layers. Keeping her eyes fixed on his, Elide lowered her hands to the hem of her shirt and slipped it off in one swift movement. She smiled smugly when she could finally see Lorcan's reaction to her bare tits.
His eyes were slightly wider than usual and his pupils so dilated that Elide realised that she had never noticed that Lorcan's eye colour was not black, but just a very dark brown. When he looked at her, the words died in her throat.
"I love it when you don't wear a bra," he murmured, reaching up to her and brushing her lips with his, "But I love even more the way you shiver every time I do this."
Elide didn't have a chance to dwell on the way he'd said love, because without her noticing, his hands had found their place on her waist and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out in pleasure when he brushed the sides of her breasts with his thumbs.
He pushed himself further against her, brushing his lips over her ear, "When we're alone and you don't have to hold back, I want you to scream my name." and then he moved quickly, leaving only a light kiss on her shoulder before his lips closed around a sensitive nipple.
With the first sweep of his tongue around the hard bead, Elide whimpered, pushing her hips down against his and making him moan into her chest. She brought her hands into his hair, clenching and pulling each time his teeth bit or scraped the sensitive skin around the nipple.
When he seemed to want to move on to the other breast, Elide shook her head, pulling his hair back to its roots and forcing her mouth against his, making him grunt. She had to feel him.
"Lorcan," she breathed, between kisses, "I need to touch you."
One of her hands slipped between the two of them, palming him through the sweatpants that did little to hide Lorcan's huge boner. He moaned against her chin, "Fuck."
They pulled apart again and when he had stripped off his shirt, Elide didn't waste a moment and pressed her bare chest against his, causing him to fall back onto the mattress.
Lorcan had other ideas though, because in one smooth motion she found herself lying on her back, his gentle weight pressing her against the covers and his bright smile lighting up his face. He left a kiss on her nose, on her lips and then down to the split in the middle of her breasts and her eyes rolled back in her head as a flashback from two nights before appeared in her head, of Lorcan doing the same thing with his eyes as they danced.
"Can I take these off?" he asked her, once he reached her hips where he was leaving kisses light as feathers.
Elide was breathing raggedly, but nodded when she understood he was talking about her leggings. Still keeping her eyes closed, she lifted her hips off the mattress, closing her fists around the covers as her bottoms disappeared along with her socks and the cold air hit her bare skin.
Now only the thin fabric of her black panties separated her from achieving what she wanted.
That and Lorcan's slacks.
"Ellie." she heard him as he came back on top of her, one knee between her legs to keep his balance. She licked her lip, opening her eyes and keeping her gaze fixed on him, on that perfect face.
"Do you have a condom?" she asked in a whisper, as if afraid the answer would be no. She had them, but they were downstairs, in her purse, and she had no desire to leave the room right then.
Lorcan arched an eyebrow, "I'm not having sex with you tonight, Elide."
She frowned, folding her arms under her and propping herself up on her elbows, "What does that mean?"
"That I'm not completely sober," he said, leaning his head towards her chest, keeping his eyes fixed in hers, "And the first time it'll be inside you," he murmured in a rougher voice, placing a light kiss on the nipple he hadn't licked before, "I want it to be at a time when I'm lucid and can remember all the noises and moans you make." and then he gave the same attention to her other breast, pushing her against the mattress one more time, until Elide was a squirming mess under him and deemed his treatment sufficient.
"Now I'm going to slip these off," Lorcan murmured, grazing a finger along the hem of her panties, and Elide shuddered, "and touch you. Here." the same finger slid across her covered folds, starting at her clit and following her slit to her entrance. "Already so wet for me."
Elide thrashed on the bed, moaning softly as he applied a little more pressure, "Stop teasing, we'll have time for that when we get home." she managed to toss out between shaky breaths.
"Understood ma'am." he taunted, grabbing the edges of the thing and pulling it down. The sound that burst from him was completely animalistic and threatened to make Elide come before he even really touched her. "So beautiful." he said, kneeling in front of her.
Lorcan's hands wrapped around her ankles and he pushed her legs up, placing her feet on the edge of the bed, until she was left with her knees bent and her pussy at his full disposal. Elide risked looking down between her legs and her eyes locked into his as he lowered himself onto her and smiled.
The way her chest rose and fell made her tits bounce and Lorcan seemed to appreciate it, but he didn't seem to be planning to do anything. Elide tipped her head back, whispering in a weak voice, "Do something, please."
He laughed and her muscles flexed, clenching around nothing. It was at that moment that she felt him, his breath on the most sensitive part of her body. "I'm going to make you cum so fast you won't have time to count to a hundred."
Lorcan's fingers came off her ankles and went to part her lips, making her feel the warm air of his breathe even more. He parted them until he was satisfied and Elide lowered her gaze just as his tongue made contact with her throbbing core. A rush of pleasure coursed through her body, making her legs tremble, "Lor," she moaned.
"Mh, El," he closed his lips around her clit, pressing his tongue against the pearl over and over, until Elide repeated his name like a prayer, "So good. You taste so good."
Her hands ended up in his hair again, pushing his face against her sex, seeking more. She began to move her hips, following the strokes of his mouth on her, but one of Lorcan's arms slithered around her pelvis and pinned her to the bed, lapping her juices as with his thumb he reached to massage her clit with such precision that Elide knew that whatever she would do on her own in the future, she would never be able to match how he was making her feel.
Elide cried out in pleasure, bringing a hand to her mouth as she felt his tongue thrust into her and an all too familiar warmth build up in the pit of her stomach.
She brought one hand up to massage the nipple he had only kissed and made a choked sound, her hips jerking upwards.
Lorcan moaned against her, a new sound, different from any he'd made so far, and Elide couldn't help herself. She pulled herself up onto her elbows, continuing to touch herself as he kept sending jolts of pleasure with every thrust of his tongue and every caress of his thumb, and the sight of him eating her out would have been enough to push her over the edge, but the hand wrapped around his thick, throbbing cock pumping relentlessly was the thing that made her eyes roll back and explode as the rope inside her snapped. Her legs gave out, falling over the edge of the bed and finding their place on Lorcan's shoulders.
Her mouth gaped open in a silent scream as her whole body trembled in pleasure as wave after wave surged through her and her back arched so wide she broke away from the bed.
Lorcan didn't stop touching her, but he pulled his mouth away from her, still massaging her clit until Elide was too sensitive and with a groan she tightened a hand around his wrist to push him away. She heard him grunt and then moan, but she didn't have the strength to lower her gaze to what she knew very well was a cumming Lorcan.
She was breathing hard, one hand on her stomach to rest and the other still clasped around his.
Every now and then her body was shaken by a spasm, but she managed to calm down after a few minutes and close her aching legs. She rolled onto her side, letting go of his wrist.
Lorcan was also breathless and kept his forehead pressed against the edge of the bed.
Elide felt a tinge of pain tingle through her heart. She pulled herself up just enough to look into his face, "Lor?"
She reached out a hand towards him, placing it on his shoulder, at which he raised his head and looked at her with bright eyes and an open mouth, "Are you alright?"
She nodded, smiling at him and falling back into the now unmade blankets, "Never been better."
He chuckled deeply, moving from his position on the floor and causing at least two joints in his legs to crack.
The moment Elide saw he'd managed to get at least halfway out of his trousers, her throat went dry. And her brain forgot how to talk when she noticed he wasn't wearing boxers. Elide knew Lorcan often went commando, but seeing it with her own eyes was a different story. Seeing him, was a completely different thing from feeling him against her.
She swallowed. She'd intended to scold him for taking all the fun out of both of them by touching himself, but maybe Elide had overestimated her abilities, because the idea of having to give Lorcan a blowjob when his dick was like this-
"If you keep looking at me like that I'm not sure I can keep the promise I made to myself," he murmured in a serious voice.
Elide looked up at his face and sighed as she saw his eyes as dark as before, just moments before he pulled off his clothes completely and lay down beside her on the other side of the bed.
It didn't take her even half a second to wrap herself around him and press her body against Lorcan's side as he draped an arm around her shoulders.
His fingertips began to trace idle lines on her shoulder as he had done only half an hour before on the couch in front of everyone.
A satisfied and surprised laugh came out of her. Lorcan put his hand under her chin and when she looked up at him he had an equally satisfied smile on his lips. He pushed her head towards his, causing their mouths to collide in a brief kiss that was chaste in comparison to what they had just done and when they broke away, Elide frowned, "I didn't like you touching yourself without giving me a chance to enjoy this in turn."
The corner of Lorcan's mouth turned up, "Sorry honey, but seeing you naked like that on the bed for me has been my dream for a little too long and I was sure I would have come in zero time if I had let you touch me. It would have been embarrassing." he whispered, caressing her cheek.
Elide tried to suppress a smile, failing miserably. She decided to tease him a little, "I thought I heard you say you lasted long in bed, didn't you?"
He chuckled, "You know it's hard to rely on stamina when the girl in question is you."
At those words she felt a particularly strong surge of affection for the boy who had given her one of the most intense orgasms she had ever received and she pushed herself closer against him, making her bare breasts feel against his skin.
Lorcan turned slightly towards her, looking into her face.
He looked so relaxed.
She knew he was.
But there was something that didn't allow her to be one hundred percent.
She fixed her eyes on his, placing a hand on his chest, over his heart. The hand Lorcan had held behind his head until now came to rest on hers, squeezing her fingers tight.
Elide took a shuddering breath, "Now what?"
Lorcan suppressed a yawn, "I guess it's not a problem if we stay here and sleep-"
"No, I'm saying," she interrupted him, looking away, "what do we do now? You and I." then, realizing that question couldn't have been more vague, she closed her eyes, mustering courage, "What are we now?"
"Whatever you want us to be, Ellie," he said softly, starting to stroke her hand, "But I want one thing to be clear. And I'd like you to look at me while I say it."
Elide opened her eyes, lifting her chin slightly so she could see him better, and gave him a small smile, which he immediately returned.
"What is it?"
Lorcan's gaze moved to her lips, before returning to her eyes, "I like you, Elide."
She stopped breathing.
"I really like you and whatever you decide to do with me, I'll respect that, but I also want to say that if you don't want anything exclusive, then this will have been a one night stand and won't happen again."
Although she also wanted exactly the same things, hearing him say them made her chest hurt, because the prospect of not being able to have him again so soon after just finally finding him hurt.
She cleared her throat, nodding, "I like you too." she whispered, noticing his eyes widen a little, "And I don't want you going with any other girls besides me if we decide to continue with this." Lorcan nodded, agreeing with her, then continued, "If you don't want a relationship right away, I can understand that, but know that I do." she felt herself blush as she finally admitted the truth out loud, looking away, "And I know our situation isn't the best with being roommates and all-"
"Our situation is perfect," Lorcan corrected her, moving a strand of hair out of her face.
She looked at him again, seeing him smile.
"Ellie, you're my best friend. The person who knows me the most out of all the people I consider important. We already live together, we won't have to fight over who to stay at every night. We won't have to go on any awkward first dates and the sex seems phenomenal to me," a lump formed in her throat as she tried to keep her breathing regular, but found it difficult when he smiled at her more broadly, "I waited months for you to see that the playlists were all declarations and hoped that after Friday night something would change. For once I won."
Elide figured he was talking about what had happened at the club, but if she was going to be completely honest... "I was the one who showed you my tits twice, letting you know I wanted something more. Don't take all the credit."
Lorcan burst out laughing and it sounded more scratchy than usual, "I'm sorry, you're right."
He kissed her again and again, and held her close as he ran his fingers through her hair and murmured the words to a love song, and before long she fell asleep in his arms, making Lorcan the happiest man in the world.
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