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weixuldo · 10 months

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Enigma// ch 16

anakin x reader

a/n: this chapter is a longer one, i have so many plans for the future of this story and there’s gonna be a looot of angst (hope that’s good w u guys hehe)

You finally tell Anakin the news you had been dreading

warnings: cursing, cannon disabled character, insecurity, mentions of pregnancy, arguments, verbal degradation (not the fun kind), slut shaming, alcohol abuse, relapse, mentions of alcoholism, just heavy chapter all around

_______________________________

“Anakin…I’m pregnant”

He froze.

If you hadn't spent so much time together, you wouldn’t have even noticed the shift in his demeanor, but you knew him and you knew something was wrong.

“What did you say?” he responded stiffly.

You took another deep breath and repeated.

“I’m pregnant, Anakin”

He stood from the couch, blankly staring at you.

“I don’t know how, I thought you said you didn’t- you couldn’t… “ you started, hoping to alleviate his unsettling aura.

“I cant.” he cut you off.

“I don't know what to do, I’m scared!” you cried.

He was still just standing there.

“Please, Ani-, Please say something!” you begged.

“Get out”

“What?”

“Get out of my house” he repeated.

“Ani-”

“Don’t fucking call me that”

“Anakin, what- why are y-”

“get the fuck out!” he shouted as he pointed towards the exit.

“You and I know damn well I can’t have children, so that's just heartless to even bring that up to me.” his face held a viscous scowl as he yelled at you.

“But It’s true! I’ve been to the clinic, I have the-” you pleaded with him.

“And it wasn’t me, so who the fuck got you pregnant? You aren’t the fuckin’ virgin Mary, so you have to be fucking someone else?” he spat.

“I swear, I have only been with you Anakin, I’ve only been with you” you cried

“Don’t fuckin lie to me, Y/N!”

“I trusted you...I shared myself with you and this? This is what you do?” he yelled as he began to breathe heavily.

“I’m not lying” you pleaded with him.

“I don’t wanna hear it”

“I’ll get a test, I-I’ll show you all my messages, I-i’ll do whatever, please, PLEASE! I’m telling the truth- You have to believe me!” you were full on sobbing on his living room floor.

His breathing was becoming jagged and he stumbled back to reach for his inhaler.

“I don’t have to do shit” he said venomously before grappling with the small device in his hands.

“Ana-”

After he took a large puff of medicine he shouted for you to leave once more.

“I told you to leave, don’t make me throw you out” he said with such disdain.

Even with his limitations, you knew he was strong enough (and angry enough) to do just that. So, weakly, you gathered yourself from the floor and stumbled out of his apartment onto the sidewalk where you collapsed once more.

You didn’t know what you expected, but it wasn’t that. You clutched onto your shirt and sobbed, not only were you pregnant, you may have just lost the man you loved.

_____________________

The next few days consisted of you floating in and out of reality as you sat absent-mindedly in your classes. You were only getting one meal a day and spent most of your time cocooned in your bed, facing the standard dorm-beige wall.

You didn’t have the energy or the will to do anything…you could feel depression creeping up on you.

Even if you got rid of it, your relationship with Anakin was basically over. But if you kept it you would be stuck as an undergrad student with a baby… not exactly a great way to start your adulthood.

Ahsoka stopped by to check up on you after she hadn’t heard from you for three days; she came with your favorite snacks and some other stuff to cheer you up.

The two of you had a self care night and you told her what had happened over the weekend with Anakin (Of course keeping out the fact that he is the one who knocked you up). You told her how angry he was that you were pregnant and not because you were young, instead he was just mad that you had been in a situation to get pregnant.

“Ash, he threw me out… h-he literally threatened to physically throw me out” you cried as you recounted the traumatizing fight.

The tears spilled over as you struggled to breathe, “I jus-st don’t u-understand why he-” a loud sob cut you off.

Quickly Ash gathered you into her arms and coached your breathing.

“Shh, shh, it’s going to be ok… Let’s breathe, ok?”

You nodded and sniffled.

“Ok, Deep breath in through your nose… good. Now out through your mouth”

Once you were calmed down she responded to your news.

Her older friend’s behavior disgusted her, “Y/N im so sorry. Truly, I have no idea what has gotten into him…He has no right to talk to you that way.”

You thanked her for being there for you and tried to move on with the girls' night, you needed to focus on the small bouts of happiness you could find.

The next day, you went ahead and told Ben and Satine, because they were the last two in the friend group you hadn’t told and it covered up the reason you told Anakin (Instead of letting them know you told him asap because he was the father).

Even though he was a total ass, you still wanted to respect the privacy deal the two of you struck back in the beginning of your relationship. Though honestly, you were starting to not give a fuck about the secret; a part of you wanted everyone to know he got you pregnant and was now being a complete asshole about it.

Days went by and then weeks where you silently hoped for an apology from Anakin, but you knew it wasn’t coming.

Since the confession, he closed himself off from everyone; he no longer attended dinners, texted in the group chat, and you hadn't even physically seen him since then.

Everyone still got together for the routine dinners, the only difference was that Anakin was a “no-show”. The four of you discussed his recent absences (of course you knew that it was probably because he hated your guts right now, but that was no reason to cut off everyone else), you all worried that he may be drinking again.

Ben explained back when he was first struggling with drinking, he’d disappear like this for days or even weeks, going on unhealthy and reckless benders.

The more Ben told you about Anakin’s past patterns, you felt more and more sick to your stomach. What he described was wildly unhealthy and you hated that you could be the catalyst that turned him back down that path.

At the end of the dinner the four of you agreed that Ahsoka would go over to Anakin’s and confront him; Ben and Satine both had work and they thought it best not to send you, incase he was drinking and became violent (plus you didn't think he’d react well to you showing up at his door).

Also, Ahsoka had lots of experience calling Anakin out on his bullshit- she could stand her ground against him drunk or sober.

Hopefully the group would finally get some answers out of him.

_____________________________________

Ahsoka arrived and noticed that all of his blinds were drawn and the mail in his box was piled up.

She took a deep breath; she could already tell this wasn’t going to be good.

Anakin hollered an aggressive, “Who is it?”, when he heard the knock.

“Snipps. I’m comin’ in Sky guy, alright?” she said as she pushed the door open.

Anakin squinted as the light from outside shone through the doorway; he was lying on the couch in a shirt and a pair of old army shorts and wasn’t wearing his legs.

Ahsoka gently closed the door behind her and allowed her eyes to adjust to the dimly lit room. It was a mess; dishes all around, dirty clothes scattered on the floor, TV on, and sadly… bottles…all around.

He relapsed.

Everyone knew he had been doing really well about keeping his drinking under control, but there were worries of a relapse when no one had heard from him.

Anakin glanced over to his friend, “I like the new hair, Snipps”.

Ahsoka had her hair rebraided and added more white and blue a while ago.

“Thanks, It's not that new though, I got them done like two weeks ago. But you wouldn’t have known that, right?” she passive aggressively said.

His blue eyes glared at her as if to say “what the hell did you just say?”.

“Well hello to you too” he huffed as he brought the bottle of rum in his hand to his lips.

Beside the couch was Anakin’s wheelchair; he usually avoided using it at all costs.

“I didn’t feel like going through the hassle of puttin’ my legs on” he said when he noticed Ahsoka looking at his chair.

Ever since he could stand to have his legs on, he always wanted to have them on; he never wanted to feel “helpless” and for some reason he was ashamed of his wheelchair. But the fact that he had it out now was a major concern. He wasn’t doing well.

“Anakin, where have you been?” she sighed defeatedly.

“Uhh, look around, then tell me what you think?” he shot back at her with a patronizing laugh.

“That’s not what I mean”

“Then enlighten me, what do you mean?” he was getting defensive and irritated, but she was not leaving until she got to the bottom of his sudden absence.

“We haven’t seen you in weeks. Ben and Satine are worried, so is y/n, and so am I”

“Why would that bitch be worried about me?” he snapped as he tossed the empty bottle into the trash bin beside the couch.

“I know you aren't talking about y/n right now” Ahsoka became defensive and was starting to lose her patience with the man in front of her.

“Maybe I am, why the fuck would you care if I was?” he said as he cracked open another bottle.

“I heard how awful you were to her”

“Yea. And who’s to say she didn’t deserve it?” he annoyedly stated, rolling his eyes.

“Why are you so upset that y/n is pregnant?! I mean sure she’s young, but it's her life!” Ahsoka yelled at the half drunk man on the couch.

“You wouldn’t understand, Snipps,” Anakin said, resting his head on one of his gloved hands and taking a swig of rum with the other.

“Maker, sometimes you're such an asshole.” Ahsoka huffed.

“I am not an asshole, she’s the one who fucked up, ok?” he snapped back

Ahsoka narrowed her gaze and watched angrily as Anakin tilted back his bottle once more.

“You gotta stop with the drinking Anakin.”

“Add it to the list of shit I gotta fix” he huffed out a laugh.

“You were doing so well-”

“Do you not think that I know that? I fucking know I fucked up my sobriety, you don’t have to remind me!” he yelled.

She sighed, “I just don't understand where your aggression is coming from”

“I’m not being aggressive, I’m treating y/n how she deserves to be treated, like the whore she is.”

Ahsoka stomped up to Anakin and snatched the rum out of his mechanical hand.

“What the fuck Ahsoka!?” he yelled.

“You have no right call her a whore, I don’t fucking know what your problem is Anakin Skywalker, but i’ll be damned if I allow you to talk about y/n that way. After all she’s done for you?’.

The color drained from Anakin’s face and he froze.

“Yea. I know she’s come over here to help you, I know she offered to help you when you had to be in your chair that week, I know she helped you when you fucking fell out of bed cause you were too wasted to get up and go piss!! You will not disrespect her like that!! Do not EVER say that again, do you hear me?! ” Ahsoka barked at the man in front of her.

His eyes widened and he shook his head, “Get out”.

“No, I’m going to find out why you’ve been acting like such a dick”

“I said OUT!” He shouted pointing to the door; not that he could really enforce his wish because he wasn’t coordinated enough to get out of his seat.

“ANAKIN, I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU! YOU ACT LIKE SHE WAS COMMITTING A DELIBERATE ACT AGAINST YOU WHEN SHE GOT PREGNANT” Ahsoka yelled back.

“SHE WAS” he practically screamed.

“What are you talking about?!”

He staid silent and looked away.

“wait…. Anakin…. Do you- do you have a thing for y/n”

Anakin let out an annoyed laugh and rolled his eyes.

“Anakin, she has a boyfriend”

“I know”

“Then why are you upset? Is it because she’s with someone else?”

“No”

“Then what is it?” Ahoska pleaded.

“The doctors said I couldn’t have children”

“I know that Anakin, what does that have to do wi-”

“I'm her boyfriend… well was.”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened, “what…”

“Yea, fuckin surprise. So it is a personal attack on me ‘casue how the fuck did she get pregnant if I cant have kids?” he lamented with a sad smug look.

Ahsoka shook her head, “Anakin, I think you should get your fertility checked again-”.

“Are you serious right now Ahsoka? Do you even hear what you're asking?”

Ahsoka’s face was serious as she spoke, “yes, it has been years since-”

“Do you not remember what happened last time? What happened with P-” his voice began to waver as he remembered the heartbreak of his last relationship, “Padme”.

“I remember, but I know for a fact y/n has not been with anyone else. She loves you. So much Anakin, and honestly I don’t know how she deals with you”.

“You don’t know that-”

“Yes I fucking do, I was there to see how much your words affected her. I was there to help her breathe when she was choking on her own tears. I saw a girl whose heart had just been shattered. Why would she be that upset if she wasn’t committed to you?”

Anakin’s heart fell.

Fuck.

A wave of guilt washed over him, maybe he was too quick to judge… but the doctors.. They said..

“I-I don't know what to say” he managed.

“You've said plenty, Skywalker.”

“Could you please tell her-”

“No Anakin. I’m done running interference for your fuck-ups” she said as she headed for the exit.

“Ahsoka…” Anakin called, attempting to follow her; in his drunken haze, he must have forgotten he didn't have his legs on.

She turned as he landed on the floor with a thud. He groaned and he tried to get upright.

Ahsoka was still angry, but she knew he needed help.

When she sat him up, he was sobbing.

“Fuck. Snipps, I loved her. I-I just felt like- like she- fuck!” he cried.

“You’re drunk, Anakin. I’m going to put you in bed and spend the night on the pull-out, but we’re done talking about this until you sober up and get a test”

He was shaking, but nodding his head “o-ok-ok o-ok” he repeated.

Ahsoka was drained, on one hand she knew why he was like this and as she helped him to bed all she saw was the kind hearted boy she grew up with. She saw how emotionally damaged he was, she knew how hard he had it. But that was no excuse to act the way he did; the other half of her was disgusted by his behavior and the fact that he spoke to you that way.

She decided that she was making him an appointment tomorrow morning. No excuses.

___________________________________

The ride to the doctor’s office was silent, the only sound was Anakin’s occasional ragged breath from a night of crying. They arrived and Anakin was taken back to an examination room, but not before Ahsoka insisted he ask for a fertility test.

Anakin hated medical facilities, whether it be hospitals, doctors offices, orthotics offices, or the physio center; he had spent almost half his life in those goddamn places. He sat patiently for his examination and was compliant with his doctor's inquiries.

“Do you have any more questions, Mr. Skywalker?” the doctor asked as he straightened his wiry glasses.

Anakin debated asking such an odd question at the moment, but he wouldn’t have peace of mind unless he asked (plus Ahsoka would kill him if he didn’t).

“Yea… you know my results said I wouldn’t be able to have kids”

The doctor nodded as he met his patient’s eyes, “yes… are you inquiring about children?”

"Not really, but is it possible that some of me is still…viable?” his face was surely red with embarrassment.

“If you are asking me about the fertility possibilities for your sperm, we have a test for that, but you’d have to make an appointment at our clinic for fertility and It’ll cost a bit extra but we will be able to get the results back to you in a few weeks.”

“Could I-”

“Of course” the man in the white coat said as he promptly left the room.

Anakin leaned back against the wall and exhaled a large breath. Fuck. Was he really going to do this again?

He could remember the anxiety he felt when going into that clinic for the first time with Padme all those years ago; the fate of his relationship was on the line back then.

Now, he had ended his relationship with you but deep down he prayed that he would be able to have kids because the possibility of you cheating on him was tearing him apart. He wanted to believe you wouldn’t do that to him, but he wasn’t really counting on his viability– but after years of no activity, why now would they choose to become active?

But also he didn’t know how he would face you if he were viable…how would he make it up to you after treating you like…that?

***

a/n: next chapter comes after this in the theme line then imma do a small time jump to get to another plot point haha- i hope you guys are still enjoying!!

taglist : @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote @poisonedsultana @imarimon

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