#spice it up a little throw some slime on the boy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theyre-just-blocks · 3 years

Text

Las Nevadas on a Road Trip

Las Nevadas is essentially a family on a road trip (lol). Except none of the family members really want to be there and are really only doing this because it was an annual thing that they told themselves they couldn’t miss out on.

With that thought, have this:

Quackity is the driver, with Sam riding shotgun and taking the wheel whenever Quackity has to turn around in his seat to yell at the people in the back

“Don’t make me turn this fucking car around!”

“You heard Big Q, stop fighting back there!”

“Sorry Sam-”

“Why do they only listen to you??”

Big Q is a pretty decent driver, takes advantage of empty freeways, and he nearly gives Sam a heart attack everytime because “you have to obey traffic laws, they’re there for a reason”

Frequent stops to fast food restaurants and if you have to use the restroom, too bad, Q just missed the exit

Sam has control of the radio and the only one who seems to like that (read: not care) is Slimecicle

Sam is also the guardian of the snacks and if you’re hungry chances are all you’re going to get is a packet of peanuts like this is some goddamn airline

He’s also in charge of making sure Quackity doesn’t A) Drive everyone off a cliff and B) go the wrong direction for the fITH TIME, QUACKITY I SAID TO MAKE A LEFT-

That being said, man is awake the entire time and rarely takes naps at all during the trip

In the middle three seats we have Foolish, Slimecicle, and Fundy, aka: the slightly decent trio….slightly

Foolish is probably the least chaotic of the bunch, with him usually sticking to daydreaming while looking out the window or keeping Slimecicle entertained

He’s usually another one who tries to make peace with everyone in the car, when Quackity starts threatening to turn the car around, he usually is trying to stop Wilbur from firing another comment at Quackity to egg him on

He’s stuck in the seat that everyone usually gets out of so he is constantly having to get out of the car every time they make a stop

He wishes he hadn’t forgotten his earbuds really

Slimecicle is the middle, getting slime all over the car and grossing Fundy out

He’s also in a car seat because Quackity was worried (he’s in his tiny slime blob form)

Constantly asking questions which are usually answered by either Quackity or Foolish

Classic “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” troupe, has no concept of time

Quackity made Sam install a TV into the car so that they could distract him with a movie every time he starts asking too many questions (they only have Moana and Kung Fu Panda)

Fundy is sick and tired of Moana

No literally, he’s throwing up into another paper bag again because he gets car sick

Having slime boy sit next to him, gooping and what not is not helping

No matter how many times he asks to stop at the side of the road to hurl, Quackity says they aren’t stopping and Wilbur laughs

Tries to sleep it off though and spends a lot of time with his hat over his head because Purpled won’t share the shade

But too bad, he isn’t sharing the snacks that are totally not making him sick

In the back seats, we’ve got Purpled, Glatt, and Wilbur, the back seat drivers and the ones making Quackity go crazy

Purpled is spending most of his time with earbuds in his ears, blasting music at a volume that’s concerning Glatt

Occasionally he makes comments about the music Sam is playing on the radio, but he’s refusing to pass his phone up to the aux everytime Sam challenges him to do so

Like Fundy, he also isn’t sharing his snacks and has smacked Glatt at least five times since the last missed exit and Wilbur twice

“God, I wanna go home.”

“We’re almost at the hotel, just an hour away.”

“Not what I fucking meant!”

“Fucking!”

“No Purpled! Now you’ve got Slime saying shit!”

“Shit!”

“Oh my god…”

But at least he’s minding his damn business unLIKE TWO OTHER FUCKERS-

Wilbur and Glatt are essentially those fuckers in the back of the bus causing a whole bunch of trouble for everyone

For one, they won’t stop annoying Quackity from where they are and Sam does very little to really prevent them from stopping aside from a glare and a refusal to give them snacks

They’re also backseat driving; with Wilbur pointing out every mistake Quackity makes and Glatt insisting that if he were driving, they’d get there a lot sooner

Not necessarily in one piece, but it would be a lot faster

They fought over who would be the one to sit in the middle and eventually it ended up being Glatt because Wilbur said he wanted to be able to annoy Fundy from behind and Glatt supported that

They’re also playing games in the back, a mix of uno, black jack, and poker perhaps, nobody fucking knows

Wilbur’s got his feet up on Fundy’s seat and occasionally bothers him

Glatt sticks to just annoying Quackity and sometimes he messes with Slime

“Don’t be telling Slime things, Glatt. Slime don’t listen to him.”

“Relax pumpkin spice! I’m not going to teach him anything! I’m just giving him an apple!”

“GLATT!”

And yes, at one point the two of them were left on the side of the road for a period of time before Foolish forced Quackity to turn around and pick them back up

Nobody was really happy about that but it wasn’t the last time that it happened (Fundy once got accidentally left behind at a gas station)

Did I mention Glatt doing scuffed karaoke with a shitty mic whenever he gets bored? Because he does that.

Thank god Sam built this fucking vehicle because no fucking way would it have survived had it been a normal car

That’s all I’ve got for now. Some is inspiration out of my own family road trips (I’ve had a fair share of them) and others are completely just based on the characters’ and their personalities/habits.

I just thought it was a funny concept.

#dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #las nevadas #quackity #awesamdude #fundy #slimecicle #foolish gamers #purpled #glatt #wilbur soot #dsmp headcanons #i've had this in my head for a bit now #if there's a fic out there #lemme know

484 notes · View notes

xhanisai · 4 years

Text

Bite off more than you can chew and you’ll choke.

(AO3) (FFN)

Summary - "But Lila cared more about the middle finger that Adrien shot at her when no one else was looking." To summarise, if you hurt the Ladybug, you can count on the Black Cat to absolutely annihilate you without mercy. A.K.A. A wonderful crackfic where Lila gets karma shoved up her ass by Adrien every time she tries to hurt Marinette.

A/N: I'm having an affair with dumb bitch juice. Shhh. Don't tell angst. ~(x)~ . . . "Heh, looking good~" The Italian teen winked to herself one last time at the mirror and then striked a pose that radiated pure confidence and clearly, a drop dead gorgeous Goddess that has ever descended this miserable planet. Luck was on her side today, lil ol' Rossi could feel it in her bones. 'Today is a wonderful day to knock down Dupain-Cheng a peg or two...' Lila hummed perversely, olive irises twinkling with mischief and sadism. She applied another coating of her favourite orange lip gloss and spritzed her body with some more pumpkin spice flavoured perfume (that was apparently a one of a kind DKNY product that the company themselves have gifted her, that's right Juleka). Digging out one of the hundreds of pictures she has of Adrien Agreste in her drawer, she planted a sloppy kiss on the face (lil hoe thinks she's being seductive smh smh), whispered something absolutely filthy and then made her way out of the house with a green apple in hand. As she walked, numerous plans and ideas were concocted up in her head whilst she happily chewed through the sour, bitter fruit that could compete with her own acidic heart. Certainly, her plans weren't going as smoothly as she'd like, given that not only has Marinette stood strong, Alya and Nino still stuck to the raven haired girl like glue and the model boy actually dared to threaten her to withdraw Mari's expulsion. Of all people, he threatened her! Who the hell did he think he is? He should be nothing but a spineless pretty face, a decoration to her growing fame. Ugh! Shaking her head and refocusing her thoughts, Lila took one last, harsh bite from the fruit and then tossed it away without a second glance, hitting an unsuspecting rat with wings- pigeon, an unsuspecting poor pigeon. Looks like M. Ramier will be akumatised later on if he ever sees the splat of feathers on the pavement. She didn't give a damn. Instead, a sinister, almost feral like smile stretched on the brunette's lips as she spotted her prey up ahead, sitting on the front steps that led to the collège. Quite a few passerbyers and students gave Marinette either a disappointed look or a disgusted grimace. Most pretty much ignored her, leaving the Asian bowing her head down in embarrassment, making herself look as small as possible. 'Like the useless mouse she is.' Lila barely held off the urge to giggle. After making Cheng look like such an evil cretin and even managing to get her expelled, her reputation has almost been tarnished! Marinette went from one of the most popular, prettiest, kindest girl in school to the most conniving, horrible, wench in a matter of a day. She would have been gone forever had it not been for Adrien's stupid- SPLASH!!!!! No way. No. Fucking. Way. Lila gaped like a dead fish, unable to comprehend what had just happened as her once dry, stylish clothes dripped with dirty puddle water and the stench of dirt clung to her hair and skin. The now filthy looking teen snapped out of her stupor and glowered at the offending car that DARED to zoom through the ginormous puddle only to gawk again when she registered the vehicle's familiarity. Lila wasn't able to do more than budge an inch as a certain model stepped out of the car in front of the collège and lifted Marinette to her feet with his hand. He gave the petite girl a warm smile that only sickened the Italian girl to the core even further and when he interlaced his hand with Marinette's, leading her inside the building, Lila couldn't stop the ferocious growl from escaping her throat. This was meant to be HER day today. A fresh splatter on her head from up above proved otherwise. Her hand shot to her head, face twisted in a witch like grimace as slick, gooey slime coated her fingers and hair. Lila mustered up as much venom as she possibly could in her eyes, tilting her head up, only to see the very same pigeon that got hit by the apple, glare back. Neither of the two noticed the wry smile that Adrien let out as he shielded a flustered Marinette inside the building... ~(x)~ Full classroom? Check. Mme. Bustier temporarily out of the room? Check. Dupain-Cheng opening her backpack whilst oblivious? Check. Lila wiggled in her seat like a cat waiting to pounce on the mouse (not like those in cute youtube videos), eyes narrowing at the back of Marinette's head, awaiting for the right moment to act. You see, earlier on, Lila planted one of Chloe's prized earrings (dumb barbie never learnt her lesson when it came to bringing family heirlooms to school) in Marinette's bag, planning on calling her out of stealing it to further crush her reputation into smithereens. Knowing Chloe and her illogical grudge against the girl, the consequences would be so much more worse for Marinette considering she's the mayor's daughter and all- . . . Wait... What? Lila blinked twice, thrice, then rubbed her eyes and blinked again. 'What in the world???' "O-ooooh! Who put this pretty flower in my bag?" Marinette twirled the lavender rose between her fingers in awe, admiring the beautiful plant with a cute blush on her cheeks. She gave the rose a sniff, cheeks glowing further as she hummed pleasantly. "It smells so nice!" Her smile was so disgustingly sweet, Lila could have sworn that the girl was radiating diabetes. Maybe she should pretend to faint and blame it on Marinette somehow? "Looks like you have a secret admirer, girl~ Did you know that lavender roses mean love at first sight?" Alya playfully poked Marinette's cheek, waggling her eyebrows whilst the rest of the girls in the class- sans Chloe, Sabrina and of course Lila herself, gathered around their class president's table. Their coos and questions were deaf on the seething Italian's ears as she was hyper focused on Adrien's face. The way his eyes lowered knowingly and his lips upturned into a secret but smug smile. The way his head tilted towards the side ever so slightly as he watched the French-Asian with so much...love. Lila was close to throwing up in her mouth. 'So that little Prince was the one who replaced Chloe's earrings with that stupid flower...huh...has he caught on...?' Just as that thought passed through Lila's head, the sound of Chloe bragging about her new earrings filled up the room with the addition of Sabrina's praises. The brunette cocked an eyebrow, dissatisfied of her plan failing in ruining Marinette's life further and getting Adrien wrapped around her pinky, where he belongs. With a string of Italian curses muttered, Lila opened her bag and- "CHE CAZZO È!?" Lila launched the provocative bag away with another scream and when it landed on Kim's desk, dozens of spiders pooled out like a tidal wave, causing the athletic Vietnamese to jump up ten feet in the air with a high pitched yowl and that in turn created a mass panic in the classroom. "Ah- đéođéođéo- KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME!" Kim let out another screech, forcing himself into a baffled Alix's arms as the spiders scattered whilst everyone else stood on their desks to avoid the wonderfully adorable critters. "LILA! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THOSE MONSTERS IN YOUR BAG!?" Kim cried out as soon as a shocked Mme. Bustier returned to the classroom. The red headed woman gawked at the floor and then grimaced before sending a stern look towards Lila, hands on her hips. Everyone in the class froze at her stance. "Lila, we know that you've just returned from a campaign to save a species of highly venomous spiders from going extinct but that does not permit you in bringing them to school. You'll be on rubbish duty for the rest of this week and M. Damocles shall discuss with you later on for a more suitable punishment after that. Everyone else, please remain calm and carefully step out of the room." The olive eyed brunette didn't get a chance to defend herself as everyone comically sped outside at a speed that would make even Sonic The Hedgehog jealous. Nino and Ivan were held piggy back style by their respective girlfriends whilst it took Alix, Max, Nathanael and Juleka to tear a petrified Kim off the wall (In turn, Rose held him bridal style as if he didn't weigh more than a feather). When she saw Marinette shyly grasp Adrien's hand to lead him out, Lila saw red and looked away before she did something she would regret. In amidst her internal monologue, she missed Adrien's dangerous smirk as his eyes glinted devilishly. The boy tightened his grip on Marinette's hand, much to the girl's surprise and delight whilst his kwami snickered in his blazer's inner pocket. ~(x)~ "Whoa!" Marinette let out a yelp, numerous files slipping out of her hands as she flailed her arms to regain balance. Unfortunately, she ended up tipping backwards towards the edge of the stairs much to Lila's entertainment. If she couldn't break Marinette's godforsaken will and reputation completely, a few bones or so should satisfy her ruthless heart- "Marinette! Be careful!" With amazing speed, Adrien caught the girl from behind, interlocking his arms around her body in an iron grip without even wincing at the weight of her mass colliding with his chest. A few passerbyers, including Rossi herself observed the scene with incredulous expressions. The latter pissed at the stupid prince charming's bloody timing! She didn't know what annoyed her more. The fact that her plan failed for the umpteenth time or the useless anime like tropes that seemed to play when it came to blonde boy and noir girl. "Ack! Thanks Adrien..." Marinette expected a simple 'No problem Mari,' from the boy but was taken aback by his malicious glare that was directed at the tanned girl before them. She couldn't help the squeak that escaped her when his grip tightened as he lead them up the stairs, standing a mere feet away from Lila. His hold on Cheng wavered between protective and possessive. Marinette found it kinda hot. "You know, we have bins for a reason Rossi. Be sure to chuck your litter away or else someone could get hurt." His voice was gravelly and alarmingly low, indicating who would really get harmed in the situation. Lila hated the way her blood chilled to ice and the unpleasant shivers that shook her spine before mustering the energy to plaster an innocent smile instead of running away. "Oops. Silly me," She bent down to pick up the can she conveniently dropped earlier on, causing Marinette to trip in the first place. "My arthritis has been acting up all day-" "And I painted the Mona Lisa, yeah, whatever." Marinette and Lila, both only close enough to hear, widened their eyes at Adrien's passive aggressive tone. Without wasting another second, the boy tugged Marinette along, heading away from the scowling Italian. The sickening duo seemed to get closer and closer every second, causing Lila's blood to burn with rage. "He's definitely caught on...that boy is more slippery and sneaky than I thought...as expected of the son of Gabriel Agreste." Lila growled severely, crushing the can in her grip- SPEW! Oh. The can was never empty from the start. Steam figuratively shot out of her ears as the fizzy drink dripped down her hair, face and clothes, smearing her layers upon layers of caked makeup that took her hours to do this morning- after she went back home to shower and changed into fresh clothes when she was soaked by that dirty puddle, courtesy of Adrien's fucking car! 'GAME ON AGRESTE.' ~(x)~ Lila planted that wretched goose- pigeon, that wretched pigeon in Marinette's locker, anticipating a commotion or SOMETHING. However, when the unsuspecting girl, accompanied by her trio of friends, opened said locker, there was no pigeon. Instead, out popped out a ridiculously cute, handmade Chat Noir doll. According to Marinette's and Alya's babbles, it's a doll that the former has made ever since the pathetic heroes of Paris made their debut. "But how did it get here? I don't recall bringing it in with me today," Yes, Lila also wanted to know how the FUCK that cursed plush appeared out of thin air. It certainly wasn't there when she shoved the feathered pterodactyl in. "Maybe you brought it with you by accident?" Nino quipped. "Didn't you have that phase back in école where you'd always bring a teddy that you slept with for company?" "WEDONOTTALKABOUTTHAT." Marinette retorted back with gritted teeth, slamming her locker door for emphasis but the way she hugged the Chat Noir doll protectively afterwards did little to intimidate the bespeckled boy. In fact, much to Lila's disgust, the trio melted at Marinette's obviously fake cuteness. Unbelievable! Where did that pigeon go anyways!? Never peeling her eyes away from the nauseating quad, Lila snatched the door of her locker open, grinding her teeth- "COO!!!" ...only to be attacked by a flurry of feathers and a sharp beak. This time, whilst she, along with a 'helpful' Alya and Nino managed to rip the bedeviled thing off her face, Lila caught a shit-eating grin on Adrien's lips as he watched her suffer without a word. 'That little BASTARD! He did this to me!' Rolling his eyes as if Lila was nothing but a three year old throwing a tantrum, he threw an arm around Marinette's shoulder who looked more confused than anything. "What is Jacques doing here?" Lila almost scoffed at the Asian's question. That failure of a bird has a name? And familiarised with Marinette no less? No wonder he was currently a bitch and half in her ass! No one answered Mari's question regardless. Though surely, that sinister cat of a model held the answer. "I'm more curious of whether you sleep with that little Chat doll or not, Marinette~" He teased, much to Lila's dismay and Marinette's embarrassment. Alya and Nino momentarily forgot about the clearly traumatised Lila, simply to join in with the jesting. "N-N-NO! HAHA- what a silly question Adrien!" Marinette slapped the teen's shoulder with a bit more oomph than the usual friendly slaps, cheeks reddening and eyes flickering to the side. "She can't go to sleep without it~" Alya confessed on her best friend's behalf, glasses twinkling impishly at Mari's cry of "Traitor!". "One time when she was at mine for a sleepover, she forgot to bring Petit Noir along and stayed awake all night without his presence. She's so pure, isn't she?" Marinette was left as a blushy, squealing mess as the rest of her friends chuckled fondly. If it wasn't frowned upon in this country, Rossi would have gladly kicked them all out the window one by one till their sorry necks snapped but even she had some sort of control. "Adorable, absolutely adorable." This time, Lila did throw up in her mouth as Adrien swept Marinette up into a bone crushing hug with the most disgusting look of 'love' tattooed on his face. The hazel eyed brunette stormed out of the locker room with a growl, deaf to Alya's questioning shouts of her name. She was going to TEAR that boy apart from limb to limb! Adrien's grin only grew at her departure, daring the idiotic girl to try and pull another stunt again. ~(x)~ During a photoshoot that Lila was assigned to model at, every time she attempted to inappropriately run her hands down Adrien's torso or shoulders, she ended up getting bitten by god knows what. The more she tried, the harder the bites were and towards the end, the shoot was cancelled as her skin was covered in tiny little bite marks that resembled wasp stings or even a terrible allergic reaction. The horrid girl never noticed the tiny God of Destruction that lingered nearby his chosen who in turn delivered a little fistbump to his precious friend with a smile far too saccharine to be innocent. ~(x)~ Just before their French lesson began, Lila staged a scene by crying out in pain when shoving her hand in her bag and 'finding' multitudes of sewing needles in them. Surely the class would turn their heads towards Dupain-Cheng with animosity as she claimed that Marinette must have sabotaged her bag that day. Instead, much to her surprise, the majority of the class defended her with an alibi. "But M. Dupain and Mme. Cheng hid away all her sewing stuff for the rest of the month so that Marinette could concentrate for the upcoming exams!" Gee thanks Rose. "Marinette was at mine's yesterday night to study and sleepover so there's no way that she did that," Godammit Alya. "I'm pretty sure 'Nette's needles are silver in colour, not bronze." Shut up Lahiffe. "She would panic if she steps on an ant, how could she hurt a person?" Really Alix? Really? "Marinette and I were stuck in the closet all break so there's no way she's managed to sabotage your bag, Lila." Agreste- do you even know what you're implying here? To summarise, the case was neutralised with a theory that one of the textile upperclassmen students must have accidently put a container of needles in her bag, thinking it belonged to the department. But Lila cared more about the middle finger that Adrien shot at her when no one else was looking. ~(x)~ Lila tried tripping Marinette again but this time, she was caught by the Japanese fencer girl who 'politely' thwacked Lila's knees with her foil and told her to get out of her class. That ice queen never left Marinette's side for the rest of the day. When Marinette arrived to the morning classes with a disturbingly gorgeous, sheer white sundress in hand, babbling about how she was going to alter it after the exams to her friends, of course Lila gave into temptation by altering it herself. By altering, she meant smothering the skirt of the dress with non washable red paint. Marinette returned to the afternoon classes wearing the dress but with the red stains magically transformed into a flawless gradient and decorated with faux red rose petals on the edge of the skirt and the tip of the bust. The poor Italian was rewarded with the grand scene of Adrien claiming out loud how 'beautiful' his 'Princess' looked without shame and twirling her around in the air. Next, Lila somehow snuck a snake out from the zoo (getting bitten a million times and even throttled at one point by said creature) and secretly let it loose at the Dupain-Cheng bakery when she was only 'looking around'. The snake ended up getting its own tank and promoted the bakery, increasing the numbers of customers because surprise surprise, it's the year of the snake according to the Lunar calendar and everyone saw that slimy creature as a symbol of good luck! M. Césaire let the family keep the snake. Marinette named him Aspik much to Adrien's ambiguous delight but then changed it to Viperion when the boy accidentally tore apart her favourite ball of yarn. ("Little bug how could you do this to me!?") Lila even tried to start a rumour going where she apparently witnessed Marinette kissing a strange, delinquent after hours in creepy alleyways and got a little frisky with him. Adrien turned that around on her by asking why she was spying on him and Marinette, both wearing scarves that poorly concealed their ravaged necks. The rest of the day was spent with students gossiping about the new developments of 'Project Adrienette' and suddenly the despicable duo were dating. The rest of the students and teachers decided to switch to Lila as a target to send their scrutinising eyes at. It took Lila twenty-four hours of staring at a blank wall to digest the fact that she unintentionally nudged those two together in her pursuit of destroying them both. Twenty four hours of gaping with dead eyes and not moving a muscle whilst her phone buzzed with the latest gossip on Adrien and Marinette. An immediate news report on Ladybug grabbing Chat Noir into a heated kiss after an akuma battle that almost sent them running for their money, confirming their relationship broke Lila out of her daze and left her screaming inside her house. ~(x)~ The classroom door slammed open, revealing a dishevelled, crude looking Lila Rossi, heaving for air like she's just ran around the world in twelve days. Her hair was dirty, greasy and stuck in ways that defied physics. Her clothes were torn, stained and slick with unnamed substances. Her face was covered in stings, scratches and red marks that ruined her usually flawless make up. Clearly, a drop dead gorgeous Goddess that has ever descended this miserable planet. The students paused whatever they were doing, curious and slightly concerned at the state of the Italian's exterior. Lila let out an animalistic growl, pointing a finger at Adrien Agreste who paid no mind to her and carried on reading his book whilst Marinette Dupain-Cheng slumbered away peacefully in his lap. "I don't know how you did it or what dark magic you played on me or what voodoo dolls you have been using, but you'll never get away with humiliating me! Both of you!" Everyone's eyes widened at Lila's desperate and frustrated tone, now facing the boy bearing the brunt of her bite. Much to Rossi's screaming irritation, Adrien only flipped a page of his book with a hum like someone has just asked him whether he'd like some sugar with his tea. "STOP ACTING DUMB AGRESTE! I KNOW IT'S YOU WHO TRIED TO RUIN MY LIFE!" This time, she received eye contact from the boy. Instead of retaliating back, he put a finger on his lips and- ...shushed her. She was going to fucking KILL HIM. "My Marinette has pulled two all nighters in a row for the exam we just had this morning- which you missed by the way. So, she's sleeping right now. If you have some respect, keep it down." His tone was polite, sophisticated and angelic and his face was softened into the most sweetest smile. A front for the devilish cackle and demonic smirk that was threatening to burst out the seams of his fake exterior and Lila was able to sense it with ease. She didn't get a chance to yell back as Chloe suddenly interrupted. "And what has my Adrikins done to you? Other than get brainwashed by that ridiculous rat and start dating her of course," The blonde pursed her pastel lips, ignoring Adrien's comments on 'I'm not your Adrikins,' and 'Stop being mean to my sweet girlfriend,' and whatever nonsense he was spouting. "Oh wow...hahah...where do I start?" The hysteric girl began, blind to everyone else's distressed gaze at her behaviour. "The spiders? The pins? The ghost bites? That damn ugly bird that can't seem to find another place other than my head to SHIT ON!?" The object of her hate only raised a brow in confusion. "YOU'RE BEHIND IT ALL! I KNOW IT'S YOU!" "...Lila, were you bitten by those spiders that you were protecting during your campaign like a week ago? I think you need to see a doctor." Was the reply she got from Adrien before he went back to his book. "Also, this book mentions that being pooped on by a bird is a sign of good luck! Maybe you'll have a good fortune coming your way after you get better, Lila~" The baffled girl stared back grotesquely, jaw dropped and eye twitching, unable to comprehend the Adrien Agreste before her right now. She didn't even protest as Rose and Juleka hauled her flat ass out of the class, to the nurse's room, debating whether or not to call the ambulance for the mad girl. 'What...The...Actual...FUCK!?' ~(x)~ After the classroom door was closed, leaving behind a questioning class, a cat hero fighting the urge to burst out laughing and a bug heroine stirring awake. "Hmm...what happened Chaton?" Marinette hummed out, still half asleep and she nuzzled against the hand that cupped her cheek. Adrien replied with a genuine, soft smile full of love and a bit of his feline mischievousness. "I'll tell you later, Bug. Get some sleep, okay?" He pressed a chaste kiss on her lips, gaining a brilliant smile in return as Marinette settled back to sleep, relishing the way his fingers combed through her bobbleless hair. 'Mission accomplished, Plagg,' Adrien mused to himself, winking at his kwami who peered out of his bag whilst Tikki shook her head at her counterpart; albeit with more love than anger. The boy dived back into his book, tuning out the discussions that the rest of his friends were sharing regarding the impertinent wench that was just gotten rid of. Hopefully, they won't be seeing her for a very long time. Jacques the pigeon would be delighted in making sure of that. After all: If you hurt the Ladybug, you can count on the Black Cat to absolutely annihilate you without mercy... . . . ~(x)~

Dictionary

'đéo' - Vietnamese for 'fuck no!'

'che cazzo è' - Italian for 'What the fuck is this?'

2K notes · View notes

aclosetfan · 3 years

Text

I’m still mad about Bunny from an earlier post so here’s some headcanons for an au affectionately titled “what could have happen if CN didn’t nuke the one ppg with an intellectual disability”

Long post! Look under the cut!

Bunny has Down Syndrome!

The Professor is a little...tifted when he finds out his children made another child, but Professor is a man full of love, so he takes it in stride. He’s never mad at Bunny, but the triplets have a very long and thorough talking to.

Bunny is an adjustment, but so were the triplets. Professor adjusts well to the change. He doesn’t like his lil honey bun (cause ofc he has embarrassing nicknames for her too) to go out and fight. He doesn’t want her getting too overstimulated and would rather leave the bigger villains to the girls. He can’t stop Bunny from running to help when her sisters call though!

Bunny is no damsel in distress!

But for the most part, Bunny does her part for the team by helping the professor in the lab! She’s a little uncoordinated when she gets excited, but so is the Professor, so it’s a match made in heaven. She has her own lab gear and happily hands over tools and chemicals (w/supervision!) at the Professor’s request. She also very good at reminding the professor when it’s time for a break. Bunny doesn’t let him miss snack or bedtime.

She also makes sure his experiment have a touch of cutesy because Bunny loves her a bit of sparkle and frills!

Having a sister with an obvious disability is difficult for the girls in their own ways. But Bunny really teaches the girls a lot!

For Blossom, she has a hard time puzzling how Bunny was going to live a fulfilling life in an unforgiving world. Since Blossom strives for control over things she doesn’t understand, it takes her a little bit (and a few lectures from the professor) to realize that Bunny will find her own place and that she doesn’t have to be so anxious. Bunny will be fine. She’ll be okay. She’s not so fragile. (But Blossom still has bouts of extreme worry that her little sister won’t ever be accepted) Like I said though, Blossom strives for control and tries to help the Professor keep Bun well structured and safely entertained, but Bunny’s has an independent mind of her own and teaches Blossom that while structure is good, everyone deserves a little fun!

For Buttercup it’s a giant lesson in calm and patience, which if you follow the show, is generally the lesson Buttercup needs to learn. But Bunny isn’t Bubbles or another kid on the playground, she’s special in a different way and even though she has super powers too and can get a little rough—because Bunny often forgets her own strength—Buttercup has to often be remind that she needs to be gentle. It takes a little bit for Buttercup to realize that Bunny doesn’t get things right away and what Buttercup thinks is funny can be hurtful to her. But Buttercup does learn and she’s extremely protective of her baby sister. She finds games and sports that they both enjoy, and every once in while Buttercup will buckle down and play the princess that Bunny has to save. Fr Bunny and Buttercup never give up on each other.

Bubbles is immediately the best with Bunny. It’s not so much her disability that Bubbles has an issue with, it’s more like the family displacement. Bunny gets a lot of the extra attention Bubbles has been use to. Bunny and her like a lot of the same things—dolls, coloring books, things that glitter and sparkle, bright colors, stuffed animals etc. They’re both very much into everything girly. And that means Bubbles really has to learn to share. Her stuff, her sisters, her professor—everything. Sometimes she gets a little jealous, but after an incident with Octi (where the beloved stuffed animal was ripped in two and crudely taped back together by her little sister in apology), Bubbles eventually realizes that Bunny looks up to her as a strong, tough older sister and that’s A-Ok w/ Bubs. And I know it’s cliche but I think Bubs would give Bunny Octi—not forever mind you—they share.

School’s interesting! Bunny goes to preschool with them and gets her own special teacher. But kids can be cruel and the bullies of the preschool (which is, yeah, Mitch and his group) do what they do. The sisters learn early on how to deal with insensitivity and it’s not easy (especially for BC/Blossom), but with the help of Ms. Keane, the Professor, and Bunny herself, the preschool learns that Bunny’s just a little girl who likes to play too!

I mentioned this one in a previous post, but I think Mr. Green should be her parateacher instead of the girls substitute. That way his character can stay in the show and they can have the “don’t judge a book by its cover” episode. But now it can wrap back into the episode of Bunny’s first day of school to really hit the point home! Mr Green can explain that Bunny was “different” but the girls loved her anyway, so “hey give me a chance to, I promise I won’t let you down!” (The intensity of the episode would be heightened because the girls would be extra protective of Bun) (Bunny absolutely adores Mr. Green and Ms. Keane appreciates the help!)

Bunny teaches them how to stim!! Whether it’s flappin around or playing with slime the sisters like doing it together (and tbh they’re fun stress relievers that the triplets carry into adult life)!

Also, now that I think about, I don’t feel like Bunny would get over stimulated often, but it takes her a bit to calm down when she does. Bubbles is the best at calming her down when she gets too excited, but when she’s angry, it’d be BC. I think that’s because Buttercup’s marked as an aggressive kid and, like I mentioned earlier, her and Bunny’s relationship would be filled with “learning to be calm” lessons.

Bunny has sensory issues! Nbd we all do, but Bunny doesn’t like her ears being touched so sometimes it’s hard to brush her hair. She loves Blossom’s hair though and Blossom can usually convince her that if she wants long pretty hair she needs to wash and brush her own. Blossom and the Professor are the only ones allowed to touch her hair!

Sensory wise, Bunny only likes soft cotton clothing. Everything else is too ichy. She also only wears dresses because they’re both pretty and light. good thing t-shirt dresses exist!

Purple! Bunnies! Purple! Bunnies! She has a niche and my baby fills it!

Hard ‘T’s are hard for Bunny. They round into ‘D’s instead. So Buttercup becomes Buddercup except Buddercup can sometimes be too much too, so Bunny more often then not calls her sister Buddy and that’s how Buttercup eventually earns the nickname Bud.

If you h/c the girls with fingers, the Utonium’s learn sign language, which helps when Bunny become too over stimulated or has bouts of being non verbal! Buttercup has the hardest time, Blossom catches on the quickest, Bubbles and Bunny keep making up their own signs, and Professor’s just trying to teach them all!

Can’t stay in preschool forever! Kids grow up! Sucks though :/ because the girls don’t stay in the same class. But don’t worry the triplets make sure they always eat lunch with their sister! And two weeks into middle school they realize that their baby sister doesn’t need them much anyways. She’s the queen of the SPED room. She’s so helpful, kind, and popular that she’s socially doing better then her sisters 😂😂

Bunny really gets into gymnastics! She wants to be in the special olympics, but she has super powers and the Professor has to explain that having super powers is a bit like cheating. She throws a tantrum and Bubbles, with all her crafty genius, saves the day by making fake medals and trophies. The Utoniums though are still very involved in the special olympics and other like activities . It makes them all happy and Bunny gets to hand out the medals! (Helps that she’s a superhero 😏😉 always getting that special treatment)

Guys, my gal? She’s a huge flirt! If you’re like ew no, that’s morally wrong, you need to re-evaluate what YOU know about Down Syndrome! Yes developmentally she’s a little slower, but Bunny’s still a teenager—a growing young women—and very much human, so romantic idealtions are very normal. And that applies to all our friends irl too. It just depends on a persons mental capacity! Admittedly, the Professor was a little uncomfortable at first too because there’s consent and power imbalances to think about, but the people of similar age that Bunny interacts with on the daily are people just like her—like minded individuals with puppy crushes. You can’t deny a person their humanity, so when one of the boys in her SPED class gets the courage to ask her on a date the Professor buckles down and calls the boy’s mom.

Their date is a at a park, properly chaperoned by their parents. They swing and have a good time. They end it with a hug! It’s very exciting and Bunny doesn’t stop bragging about it. Two days later she’s broken up with her new BF for the next brave soul. (Truly everything stays completely innocent don’t worry. I can understand anyone’s concern—Bunny isn’t a sexual being she’s just a romantic. Also there’s ALWAYS a chaperone)

Her family still worries though. Blossom because she always worries about Bunny and the things Bunny could be missing out on. The Professor for much the same reason + she’s his little girl. Bubbles because her LITTLE sister keeps getting more dates then her. And Buttercup doesn’t worry much, but she is annoyed because if the Professor isn’t available, she’s the one who ALWAYS has to chaperone.

Why buttercup? Don’t let her fool you. She actually volunteers. She’d chaperone any of her sisters’ dates if Blossom and Bubbles would let her. Ain’t no gross boy touching her sisters.

Tbh bunny flirts with boys most of the time to embarrass and get a rise out of her sisters. She’s a lil shit sometimes. (It’s the spice in her)

Bunny also makes sure to keep her sisters IN CHECK. If she thinks they’re being too judgmental or mean to the “bad guys,” she makes sure they remember how they were mean to HER.

Most of the main villains though don’t know her. Mojo tried something once and ended up being carted back to Townsville Correctional Facility in a gurney. Bunny has an aversion to violence after the “you’re being bad” incident, so she isn’t one to fight/protect herself (protecting her sisters is another story tho lol she’d kill for them), but her sisters are fiercely protective. Incredibly protective. So protective that when the other main villains saw Mojo carted into jail they went 😬😬😬 and stayed away.

She meets Princess though! She likes Princess for all her glittery dress-up shit. Idk how yet, but I think she’d be a good catalyst for Princess’s redemption arc (along with Robin, who yes is also Bunny’s best friend). She thinks Princess’s hair is pretty and really let’s be honest Princess goes soft because she likes the positive attention. In Princess’s defense, she was never insensitive to Bunny’s disability. She’s a ppg and a ppg is what Princess wants to be. Sure, she’s petty, but goodness gracious, Blossom, she’s well versed in etiquette and that’s just uncouth.

And she meets the boys because she’s a flirt remember? Boomer’s name is her favorite but she never gets the “-er” part out. Just likes the way BOOM sounds. Her sisters have to remind her to use her inside voice, but Boomer’s a good sport about his ear drums being blown out and usually yells right on back. She thinks they’re cute! Like Princess, Bunny makes the boys feel liked and needed and helps them along their redemption arc! But they’re hesitant to be around her because they saw MoJo and....😬😬😬 (hell would freeze over before the girls let them near her anyway) (their fear is also why they aren’t completely insensitive shits towards Bunny—Mitch is a human so he got away from a beating, but someone like Butch?? Nah, BC’s always actively looking for a reason to decimate him)

Bun’s fave villain though is Fuzzy. He’s like a giant fuzzy pink teddy bear!

Bunny’s essentially made out of the exact same stuff as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice. So what if she’s a smidge bit different. Everyone loves her just the same!

#headcanons #ppg Bunny #I’d die for this girl #she deserves love #and the next story I write I’m putting her in it #if someone thinks I need to amend of change anything lemme know!!#no intention here to be insensitive!#I wrote this in a daze so sorry if it isn’t coherent

102 notes · View notes

unholyplumpprincess · 3 years

Text

Seeker

Last of the survivor installments for @realityinspace featuring their OC Alex and his adventures in fucking killers.

Reblogs > Likes

!!!Minors and ageless blogs dni or you will be blocked on sight!!!

Fandom: Dead by daylight

Relationship: The Trapper/Male OC (Alex)

Warnings: R18+/NSFT, Dead by daylight normal violence, fluff, making love, mentions of scarring, twist ending?, gay shit man.

Words: 4.1k

__________________

The game of cat and mouse between survivor and killer had been going on for so long that some spice was needed. Planting the seeds within Alex had been easy enough, he had already started making his switch whether he knew it or not. His want for revenge through pain and agony meant he was no longer willing to just play the Entity’s little game of fix the generator; It meant he was actively seeking out specific killers and making plans if he could snatch their weapons and slit their throat.

An interesting survivor he had been since he arrived, the Entity had tiptoed along the lines of what he would be at first. And yet, now he is showing them his true colors. Running may have been his strong suit, and helping fellow survivors, but when it came down to it?

You could only be a toy for so long.

~Rest under the cut~

Since the run in with the Wraith, Alex has been back on his feet and more focused it seems. Yet, even other survivors can note his distance. The seeds of doubt were sown in his chest after all. If a killer could treat him as gently as the Wraith did, and the survivors just used him-

No, didn’t use him, he made his role this way-

Wait, no, what if that wasn’t true? Was he forced t--

No! That wasn’t true- was it? No. This is all...

All so confusing.

Alex’s mind is jumbled and stressed every night, flickers of the rights and wrongs, what was up, what was down, what was true? He can’t quite find it.

Nor can he feel the flickering lights inside of his own body calling to him to come into the fog, to come play with the big dogs, to enter the loving spider-y arms of the Entity who would love and care for him.

Just take the leap.

Alex’s mind at night is plagued by whispers, whispers he doesn’t remember in the morning yet whispers he does once he closes his eyes. The warmth of the fog around him, the idea of warmth sliding down his hands. Sticky sweet- crimson over his bare hands. The idea of getting vengeance is tempting, the idea of hearing another person scream that isn’t his own-

Now that was a thought.

Perhaps it has something to do with an event that happened a few days ago between a certain grinning masked killer and the arachnid beast that haunted its very own playground.

“I’ve been here since day one doin ’ what ya asked of me. Haven’t asked ya for one damn thing, have I?” A gruff voice is heard only to one specific being. It doesn’t show itself, merely a mash of oranges, yellows, and blacks. It should have come to life as your nightmare, but considering the Trapper was no longer just a mortal man, it can only show up in this torrent of energy floating in front of him.

The Trapper stands in the thick, dark fog, arms crossed and waiting for a response. The being before him shakes, as if seeming to laugh, but then it pauses, waving to the left and then to the right before a booming voice enters the Trapper’s head. It sounds like twenty different voices talking in sync, all in different pitches and emotions yet the most being prominently like a smoky feminine tone, “And, what, my dear Trapper, is it that you wish from me?”

“The boy. You know the fuckin’ one. Been givin’ ya hell, hasn’t he? ” The Trapper begins as if in a huff , watching carefully as the begin changes form into the very same one he’d been fantasizing about. Alex. Except instead of his lovely olive toned flesh and his red hair, the being is completely black with glowing yellow eyes- far too many, maybe six all blinking at him and a wicked grin aimed back at him.

The Entity was toying with him.

“Oh, this boy?” It speaks, running a hand over its own throat up into its hair with a sigh as if pleasured. “Ah, yes, Alexander was it? What a lovely body he has...” It continues, running a hand down the curve of its toned body, only for its eyes to snap open and glare at him, “The one who has been distracting you and making you fail my little assignments?”

The Trapper bites his tongue despite having no need when he doesn’t use it to speak. Shamefully, he casts his eyes down to the floor to the side and briefly nods. No lying.

“This is not how this game works, my dear.” The voice continues, less angry and much softer now. When the Trapper looks back up, the being is shifting forms and is now one of more just spider legs outreaching down from the sky- a favorite of theirs. It reaches towards him, stroking over the mask’s cheek affectionately. “You are my favorite and most reliable, Evan, you must understand this,” It sounds so soft, gently, but then it turns to a low growl, all voices seeming enraged like a disappointed mother. “But, this is my game, not yours. Return to your realm and do as told. ”

However, this conversation was not ignored, that much Evan could feel as he leaves the fog with his head held like a disappointed child not getting what he wanted.

Alex’s moods shift through each trial as if he can’t quite get a grip of himself. He avoids the other survivors, yet still feels affection for them as he normally did. He still confides in Claudette the same as she’ll do to him, finding comfort in her sisterly aura and the way she confides in him back. Nothing but the truth between them, a sibling’s bond, truly. He still feels the need to protect, but there’s something more...

More primal about it.

He’s gone from just taunting the killers from afar and running to running AT them. Making the moves he needs to get a hit or two on them. He’s becoming more emotional, reckless- hell he bit poor Michael last round on the HAND!

So, imagine how Alex feels when he sees the familiar white face of The Ghost.

It’s like a switch in him. All Alex sees is red. The feeling of his pride being stolen from him, the burn of the scar on his hip. One could say there was no point in his anger, considering it had just been a hook, he’d finally been caught, and yet...

He’d been branded. He’d been claimed- by someone he had no interest in being claimed by. It had been stolen from him, this sort of pride and aching that had him running circles around the killers for sport-

The Ghost is tricky to find, he moves quietly and sneaks up on his prey. Thankfully Alex is following footsteps and the wisp of a cloak. Only briefly losing him only to hear a scream to his right- Claudette.

He whips around the trees just in time to see a knife going up and Claudette kicking, always the fighter.

There were unspoken rules in this realm. A Mori was a special gift bestowed upon a killer, you were to not interrupt it. You were to allow it to happen or run off before you could be seen. That’s how the games went, you were forced to obey these rules- you had to.

And yet, as if in slow motion, Alex finds himself darting towards the cloaked killer. Snatching him around the waist in a tackle and throwing his lesser body weight into the Ghost. There’s a cry from behind him of ‘Alex, don’t!’ in fear, but his ears are ringing as he struggles for the upper hand. Rolling once before slamming his legs on either side of the killer’s chest, knife in hand.

There’s no second thought, just the loud humming of whispers of ‘do it’ ringing in his head tauntingly, as if excited by this turn of events. The world seems to shake around him, vision flashing oranges and reds as he stabs the knife straight through the Ghost’s neck with a cry.

And just like that? The world around him goes black. Alex is left with his legs straddling no man, nothing seems to be underneath him. He’s on his knees, knife stabbed through nothing, and confusion buzzing through his now quiet head. Knitting his brows, he slowly begins to get up, turning his head this way and that as the foggy shadows seem to envelop him.

A soft noise behind him that sounds like a skittering insect has the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. Whipping around, he finds the spider-y legs hanging from seemingly nowhere reaching out to him as if beckoning him closer. Alex goes to move towards it, to take a swing, but it feels like his legs are walking through thick slime. He huffs, trying to open his mouth, but it feels like his jaw is aching and sore- like he was trying to break a jawbreaker for hours. His words are slurred, echoing as he tries to take another swipe at the leg that’s reaching out, aaaalmost touching him- aaaalmost able to hit it and then-

A whirling sensation. Like he’s being ripped from the fog. Alex finds himself in a dark area, like a forest of sorts as he lands harsh on his knees with a gasp. His head whips around, lifting his body up so he can pat himself down to look for any injury. Nothing. Yet, also, no weapon. Frustrated and full of rage, he screams at nothing and slams his hand on the ground with a loud, “Damn it!”

It takes a few moments to calm down, eyes whipping around at his surroundings.

The sky was dark and cloudy, almost a dark blue shade like the moon was full somewhere. The wind is soft, rustling the trees overhead and surrounding the stone path leading to a. ..a building nearby- a house. It looked like a two story house, almost like an old farmstead feeling to it. The porch had two lights lit on it with a rocking chair, the chimney churning out smoke and all the lights were on. It felt homey. It almost whispered to him to come closer.

Hell, he hadn’t seen anything that comforting in months- or however long he’d been trapped here.

Alex should have paid closer attention to the bear traps mounted on the wall outside or how he could see a deer head mounted inside. It takes him a moment to work himself up to slide up onto his feet, arms and legs aching and feeling out of breath. It takes him a moment longer to roll his neck to work out the aches only to freeze.

Bear traps.

The Trapper.

What if this was a one versus one scenario? What if he’s playing into this game of cat and mouse? What if he had all this time for a head start and didn’t run?!

Yet, the crunching of stones behind him tells him he isn’t alone. Alex’s breath is shaky, holding his head high to stabilize himself and to feel more in control. His fingers clutch into fists at his sides, hearing the huffing breaths coming from behind him much like an irritated bull.

A feeling washes over him, as if someone is prodding at his mind and trying to find something before it clicks and he hears a voice breathe out, echoing around him, “I changed my mind.” It’s got this southern drawl to it, gruff and hardly used sort of tone. It sends a feeling over him he can’t quite describe- familiarity perhaps.

Yet, Alex still whips around, taking a step back just as he sees a rough hand reaching out to him and the large, tall body of the Trapper stepping into the light. He bares his teeth, making a show of snarling the best as his mortal throat could allow before barking out a laugh to hide his nerves. “Changed your mind on what, huh? Not gonna fight me like a fuckin’ man? Going to just stand there and gawk?” He lets the taunts fly free from his mouth, trying to hide the way his hands shake.

But, before Alex can take another swing with his words, the Trapper pauses. Doesn’t move any closer to him, just slowly reaches up and removes his mask much like someone would with their hat. He holds it at chest level, head bowing slightly to appear smaller and more at level with Alex despite being two heads taller. “I changed my mind on you just bein’ a passin’ fuck, Alex. ” His mind echoes the words, yet he watches as full, scarred lips don’t move.

Even just the way that the Trapp—Evan says his name makes a shiver run down his body. He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling weak and strained all at once as he swallows a lump in his throat. Alex briefly remembers confiding in the Wraith about being tossed around roughly like a toy and wonders if he’d had a chat with the guy in front of him for that reason exactly. Something Alex would have to thank Philip for another time.

“Come inside,” Evan begins again, voice soft and taking a step closer slowly, as if Alex was a rabid kitten. When he doesn’t flinch or move away, Evan comes a bit closer until he’s arms length away. “I made dinner? I know that may seem strange- I don’t think y’all are allowed those comforts, right?” His voice is oh so soft, and even the word ‘dinner’ makes Alex’s stomach growl. Something they both hear.

Evan just sounds so...convincing, that even if this was a trap? Alex still follows without much of a fight. A hungry man was a hungry man, after all. Besides, he’d been put through worse than someone trying to invite him into his home only to get stabbed.

Yeah, wow, these games were really fucking him up, huh?

But as Alex is led inside and the smell of food hits him, he genuinely begins to wonder if this was even a trap. Evan is so kind, pulling out his chair for him and pushing it in. The plate is filled with home style cooking and Alex about drools over his plate. The whole set up was rather sweet, a small table that they could reach each other across, different sides and dressings set around a ham that looked too good to be true. Everything was delicious once he finally put some in his mouth.

Evan the whole time is sweet, looking like he’s trying to make himself smaller. Alex quickly gets over the fact his mouth doesn’t move when he speaks, able to trace his eyes over Evan’s face and how his facial expressions change. Evan tries to flirt in little ways, which is rather sweet in its own way and a big surprise to Alex. Philip must have talked to him, it’s the only answer- something must have switched in him.

Evan’s features are rough with chiseled cheekbones and a strong, sharp jaw. His eyes are piercing and heavy set, seeming to be a hazel gold color with flickers of glowing orange inside that must have been the Entity’s influence. His nose is strong, the bridge obviously having been broken a time or two in the past with his lips full and a scar going from the left of his chin, up over his lips, past his nose and ending at his blurrier right eye that must have been blinded in some fashion. Yellow and orange lines seem to cut through his skin, including on his face.

He was rugged and handsome, but not in a conventional way. It was kinda nice, considering what a pretty boy Alex was IN a conventional way.

Evan, despite all of his doings in the past and what he is, is fairly kind while he flirts. Alex decides to play along, absolutely endeared as he nudges his shoe at Evan’s calf and hooks it around in an act of footsie.

It isn’t until after dinner where Evan gently picks up Alex bridal style, unlike the way he’d been tossed over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes in the past. Alex laughs, feeling free and at ease for once as he’s carried up the stairs and to a bedroom. It looks well cleaned, just a regular bedroom with the bed creaking as he’s sat on it. It smells like blade oil and pine.

He expects Evan to shove him down, ravish him- hell, Alex almost wants that to happen. But instead, he’s asked oh so softly by the huge man, “Philip lemme know ya had a bad run in with someone...left somethin’ ya don’t want .”Alex’s breath falters for a second, turning his head briefly but is caught by rough fingers gently grabbing his cheek and bringing him back to look up at Evan. “ Lemme take care of ya, pretty boy. I’ll be real gentle- know a thing or two about scars. ” It’s said so gently, a soft echo in Alex’s head that he can’t even sass.

Carefully, Alex kicks off his shoes and socks at the words of Evan to get comfortable. He stands on command for Evan, shimmying his jeans down enough to expose his hips and hiking up his torn up shirt to show the ugly scarring left behind. Jagged words that made him irate. Left by a man who had no means to claim him as his own.

Watching Evan sink to his knees should not make Alex’s heart twist like it does. He’s so gentle the way he traces the scarring, it was pink and flaked, but not as deep as Evan had thought it would be. Some salve and some deliberate marking towards that area should fix it to let it fade in due time.

It’s quiet and soft. And once Evan raises onto his feet, Alex can’t help but watch him, watch as he tries to come up with something, watching Evan’s eyes flicker to the bed. “Do you wan- ”

“Yes.” Alex quickly responds, nodding vigorously in approval.

That’s how they wind up on the bed. With Evan’s overalls and boots thrown to the side with just his boxers on and Alex’s clothing having been gently and gingerly taken off until he was only his boxers as well. Evan kisses him like a lover this time, soft and gentle as he could be with his body weight lying on top. Alex’s legs are framing one of Evan’s thighs, who is brace himself on his arms on either side of his head. One large hand caressing Alex’s red dyed hair as if he meant so much.

He felt it too.

The kisses start to get hotter, heavier with Alex starting it by biting Evan’s bottom lip. His hips grind up shamelessly into the large thigh between his own, Alex making a lovely, soft sound that just spurs Evan on into growling. It doesn’t sound possessive or angry, it just sounds aroused, a noise Alex could get used to. Not to mention all the soft, yet heavy pawing on his body.

When the kiss parts, Evan fits himself between Alex’s thighs to spread them apart. Alex’s cock is leaking onto the front of his boxers, a dark spot on the gray that makes his breath shake. His eyes are half lidded, lips rosy and his teeth biting at his bottom lip in desire. There’s no words, there’s no need for them right now as Evan slots his clothed cock up against Alex’s so they can both shamelessly grind together.

Alex looks a pretty dream, toned body flexing as his hips push up to rock his dick against Evan’s. It’s heavy, dirty, dry humping. Fit with Evan cupping the side of Alex’s chest so he can thumb at a nipple and use his other hand to wrap a hand loosely around his throat. The noise Alex makes is worth it, a low whine and an arch up into his hand as if asking him to put more pressure. Evan doesn’t, just holding him right where he wants him.

“I wanna consume every inch of ya,” Evan starts just as he works Alex’s underwear down. A fumble for lubricant left in a nightstand drawer and a generous amount on his fingers is Alex’s demise as he dissolves into soft laughter. It makes Evan’s heart constrict in adoration.

“Inside and out,” Evan continues, a smile on his lips as Alex’s eyes flutter before shutting just as he works a finger inside of him. His hand that had been thumbing at his nipple traces down the curve of his body to his hip, squeezing fondly. “I want you to be mine. Mine and mine alone...Think I could share ya, if ya knew that. ” Making a note to remind Alex that even if he still wanted to be sexual with others, he wasn’t going to stop his fun. As long as he knew who he belonged to.

The noise, regardless, is worth it when Alex chokes on a sob as two fingers push into him. Carefully working him open and quirking upwards to make his smaller cock jump against his abdomen. So cute. So pretty.

“I think I love you.” Evan’s voice is an echo of sincerity in Alex’s mind. It makes him choke on another sob, this time for various reasons. He nods in agreement, one hand reaching down and patting until he can grip Evan’s wrist on the hand that holds his hip. Thumbing over his pulse point adoringly.

It makes Evan about break.

Fitting his cock inside of Alex is much easier than all the times before. With lubing Alex up as well as himself and taking the time to stretch, he slides in with hardly any resistance besides Alex’s harsh panting and whining telling him to hurry up. He’s only silenced by hard, bruising kisses with desperate thrusts inside of his body.

Evan doesn’t take him like an animal, not this time. His thrusts are well timed and deep, making sure Alex feels every inch of him inside of him. Making sure that Alex is moaning against his lips only out of pleasure. Alex’s arms wrap around his neck, holding him tight in turn as his hips start to cant and hump with Evan’s. Trying to reach his peak without a care in the world. As long as Evan’s heat stayed on top of him.

Evan’s voice is a sweet symphony in his head of praise. Calling him a pretty boy, that he’s doing so well taking him, that he’s going to be his sweet little boy toy isn’t he? And all Alex can do is nod furiously in turn, clawing at his back and grabbing onto a hook jutting from Evan’s shoulder as he cums with a loud cry of his name. Spilling all over his own abdomen as Evan smashes their bodies together to vigorously pump into him.

Alex is left feeling full and exhausted. Vaguely, he can feel Evan cleaning him up and wrapping him in a blanket, falling asleep in his arms. For once, feeling safe.

His dreams are plagued, however. As oranges and yellows spin around his vision. The spidery legs coo to him in their multi-voiced persona, “What a special day it is for you. I am sure you shall keep my favorite sated, yes? And in turn, I give you another chance, Alexander. You shall play for the other side.”

Alex can vaguely feel the change in his system, hardly fighting against it as the legs reach out to him, stroking down his cheeks fondly. “You will be accepted and adored by the rest of my toys.” Its voice is sickly sweet, sounding like a delighted child getting a new toy.

“Let the rage consume your heart...Seeker. ”

A scared, panting survivor darts around a new arena. Their eyes flickering all around the new map. It looked like a huge gym, darting into hallways of a broken down college. Equipment in the gym allowed them to hide and a huge locker room to boot. Yet, it was far too open, you had to be careful about the generators all tucked into dead ends.

You had to be careful of the new bare foot killer with a beaming fox mask with a dangerous weapon of kukri. For if you made a sound, anywhere he could hear, you’d hear the rapid padding of his feet heading right for you.

May the hunt begin, and let rage consume your very thoughts,

O’ dearest Seeker.

#The Trapper x Oc #The Trapper #Dead by daylight #dick by daylight #dbd #Alex (Oc)#nsft #lemon #commissions #princess writing

9 notes · View notes

chekovs-fuckup · 4 years

Text

100 Homestuck Headcanons Of Mine

Both Meulin and Nepeta say “hewwo” unironically. They can also replicate the OwO and UwU faces near perfectly.

Roxy loves Five Nights At Freddie’s, Undertale, and Minecraft.

The Striders and Lalondes have a group Minecraft server.

One time Roxy convinced Rose to play Halo with her, Dirk, and Dave. That was when they found out Rose was surprisingly good at it, and Fortnite.

The trolls all love Animal Crossing

Actually, everyone loves Animal Crossing.

The Mayor is the only one who had Raymond. That is because Dave gave him Raymond.

Everyone else wants Raymond.

Vriska stabbed someone for Raymond. She didn’t get Raymond.

The Harley-English-Egbert-Crocker family have a group Minecraft server, and that’s it.

They tend to spend their free time seeing what whacky things they can alchemize.

At one point they managed to alchemize Captain America’s shield. No one is sure how, but it works.

Roxy and Dirk can both eat whole ghost peppers. Rose and Dave both hate spicy food.

Jane doesn’t mind spicy things but prefers sweet stuff instead. John and Jake are fine with a little spice but not as much as Roxy and Dirk. Jade can’t have anything spicy or she will get extremely sick.

Spicy peppers, and peppers in general, are lethal to trolls, due to the capsicum in them. The first time Karkat and Kanaya saw Dirk and Roxy eating peppers they freaked out.

Dirk and Roxy have occasional competitions to see who can eat the most peppers in a minute. It’s hilarious.

Karkat learned the Alternia equivalent of an Earth ukulele before the game. He remembers one song from it and occasionally borrows Jake’s ukulele to play it when he’s sad.

Jake, Jade, Jane, and John have every musical instrument you could name, and some you couldn’t.

Jake can play the ukulele and bagpipes. Jane can play piano and keytar. Alongside bass, Jade can play the trumpet and otamatone. John can play guitar and saxophone.

Dirk can play the otamatone. That’s it.

Roxy keeps requesting that Jade alchemize cats. She has about 30 by now.

Roxy gave Dave a cat. He named him Skittles, and claims it’s completely ironic.

Dirk also has a cat, named Twilight Sparkle

Rose has a cat named Cthulhu.

Jake has a parrot named Indiana Jones

Jade now has a corgi named Thor.

John managed to get Jade to help him alchemize a dragon. It’s name is Fluffernutter.

Jane is a master at anything kitchen-y. Jake and John both burn water. Jade can cook stuff but prefers take out.

Roxy knows how to make grilled cheese and soup really well, and Dirk is good with a grill but that’s it.

Rose makes the best hot chocolate, tea, and coffee. Any drink you want, she can make. She can’t cook anything though.

Alternatively, Kanaya is an excellent cook but thinks that mixing Dr. Pepper, Sprite, and Faygo together is good.

Kanaya has mixed every soda the kids could find together before. Dirk paid John $30 to drink it. John did.

“If you open a banana from the bottom you are a disgrace to the world and we all know you’re a top who can’t find a bottom.”- Rose, Kanaya, Jade, Vriska

“Opening a banana from the bottom lets you have the most banana without eating the weird thing at the end of it”- Dirk, John, Jane, Karkat

“Why bother peeling bananas when you can just eat them whole?”- Jake, Dave, Terezi

One time John used the Mayor’s cuteness to get Jane to bake him a cake. Dave found out and was pissed.

Dave convinced Rose to knit the mayor a sweater.

The mayor loves Doritos. He always gets the last one in the bag.

Kanaya loves mixing different types of one kind of food or drink. She has mixed all the candy in the house, much to the delight of most everyone, has mixed all the soda (it now lives in the back of the fridge for when they play truth or dare) and has mixed all the cereal in the house, much to the irritation of Roxy and Rose.

Dave ate a handful of Kanaya’s cereal mix because Dirk said he wouldn’t.

Has read Twilight: Rose, Roxy

Hasn’t read Twilight: Jade, Jane, John

Doesn’t know what Twilight is: Mayor, Calliope, Karkat, Jake

Hates Twilight: Dave

Vocally anti-twilight but secretly wrote and published a 100k fanfic: Dirk

Can swim: Rose, Roxy, Dirk, Jake, Jade

Can’t swim: John, Calliope, Jane

Hates bodies of water: Dave

Trolls don’t have grey skin, they have grey fur.

Said fur poofs up when the trolls are scared as a defense mechanism, like a cat. But instead of being fluffy, it’s spiky and sharp. Trying to punch a fluffed up troll ends badly.

If you mix Faygo and sopor slime you get the troll equivalent of weed.

Calliope found archery and axe-throwing, and is wonderful at both.

Dave convinced Rose to knit a sweater for the Mayor.

Cereal before milk: Rose, Roxy, Jane

Milk before cereal: Jake, John, Jade

“Just eat the cereal dry, cowards”: Dave, Dirk

Dave had a popular Vine account

Karkat does not understand the term Yeet.

Instead of saying “Yeet” Rose says “defenestrate”

Roxy has a Tumblr account filled with things their group has said.

Kanaya has designed outfits based around pride flags for everyone.

Dave likes Mindless Self Indulgence and My Chemical Romance

Calliope likes Fall Out Boy

John listens to twenty one pilots a lot

Dave also likes cavetown

Kanaya loves girl in red

The beta trolls ancestors can change their size.

The Grand Highblood and the Condesce shifted to a larger size permanently to intimidate other trolls.

Some don’t use it as much, or at all, like the Dolorosa, the Signless, or Neophyte Redglare.

Dualscar uses it to ease travel or to win fights, and will grow to extreme sizes so he can get through the water faster. It’s also ten times easier to sink ships.

The Psiionic couldn’t use the power once he became the Helmsman.

Darkleer uses it to grow smaller, so he can work on the small, delicate parts of his inventions.

Carapacians grow weed as a crop. For them, it’s their main source of food. For humans, it’s weed. It’s poisonous to trolls.

Sea dwellers’ lusii die more frequently (possibly due to the eldritch being at the bottom of the ocean), so they started letting older sea dwellers adopt sea dwellers that aren’t really old enough to survive without a lusus.

How many sweeps a troll is can be equated to human years, but when compared to other blood castes it becomes very skewed. A sweep equals roughly two human years, but different blood castes view this differently. Rust bloods, bronze bloods, and gold bloods all live fairly short lives, so 7 sweeps is roughly half their life span. Lime bloods and jade bloods all view 7 sweeps as being a bit like their early twenties. Teal and cerulean bloods would consider 7 sweeps to be roughly 13 or 14. Cobalt and purple bloods would see 7 sweeps as maybe being 6 or 7. Violet and fuschia bloods live for thousands of years, so legally and when comparing life experience to other fuschia/violet bloods, 7 sweeps is basically a very young toddler. This is just how each caste views age internally, given that they have different lifespans. 7 sweeps is roughly 13 or 14 in human years. This is explained badly but it’s also an alien concept put into English.

Teal and cerulean bloods have the closest lifespan to humans.

Dealing with eldritch beings shortens your lifespan because of the toll it takes on your body. This means that if Rose never reached godtier she would have died earlier than she was supposed to. This also means that if Eridan wasn’t chainsawed in half he probably would have had the lifespan of a purple blood or blueblood.

An ahab crosshairs or whatever can be really deadly in certain situations, but outside of that it’s basically useless.

The one time Dave met Kankri, he decided to put all of Mindless Self Indulgence’s songs on shuffle and play whatever came on first to Kankri. It was ‘Stupid MF’. Kankri flipped his shit and Dave is no longer allowed near him.

Meenah turned it into a game to see who could get the loudest reaction from Kankri by playing an MSI song. So far the winners have been 1. Vriska with ‘Faggot’, 2. Cronus with ‘Bitches’, and 3. Meenah with “Fuck Machine’. Honorable mentions include ‘Get It Up’, ‘Big Poppa’, and ‘Dickface’.

The honorable mentions change constantly

The game is ridiculously easy to win, given that most MSI songs are A) about sex, B) have slurs in them, C) are just really offensive in general, or D) all of the above.

To win the game you record Kankri’s reaction to the song and upload it to a forum on pesterchum.

Kankri is unaware there is a game.

Cronus repeatedly hits on everyone he meets. There are two people who he’s stopped flirting with, though.

The first one is Vriska. The first time he flirted with her she kicked him in the balls. The next time she stabbed him. He stopped trying after that.

The other one is John. He kept comparing Cronus to people from late 20th century movies with greasers in them.

Roxy loves riot grrrl bands.

Roxy, Sollux, John, and Karkat started a coding club. Roxy and Sollux help Karkat and John get better at coding, and also challenge each other to break into more and more ridiculous places.

At one point, using the codes that let Roxy and Dirk talk to Jake and Jane, Roxy and Sollux were able to hack into different government websites in different universes.

This includes the Pentagon, the FBI, and the CIA. They figured out how to get news live from the other universes, so occasionally they invite their friends over and watch a different world panic.

They end up doing internet troll stuff once in the websites. They’ll leave things equating to “aliens from another universe were here” and shit. They’ll make it so every time the website is open the screen turns pink or red and blue.

One time they left a picture of a message in Alternian. When the feds decoded the message, it just said “2ollux and Roxy were here. 2ucker2.”

One time they replaced all the photos of people with badly photoshopped versions of the photos where all the faces had been replaced by either Nic Cage’s face or Danny Devito’s face.

When they aren’t breaking into government websites, Roxy and Sollux will set up firewalls for the other to try and get past.

Aradia and Federico bleached Eridan’s hair while he slept, and cut it short. They also put pink bows on his horns. Just because.

Because Sollux can hear voices of the imminently deceased/is basically half dead, and Aradia has a strong connection to death, they were able to manipulate this so they could communicate telepathically. It takes focus, but they can do it.

Dirk knows Japanese, and can understand Damara. He is the only one who can.

They have inside jokes about everyone they know

Vriska found 5 or 6 doomed versions of herself and brought them back to life. They live in a shared hive and use the fact that they are all various Vriskas to prank people to an extreme. The only one who know whats happening outside of them is Terezi, because A) seer, and B) the one who gave John the list of things to do was brought back as well and told her.

18 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

797

What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? Fucking around on social media like a true Gen Z-er would, lmao. I have several games that I’d play occasionally, but most of the time I just check the same three apps – Messenger, Facebook, and Twitter. Do you know what you are going to be for Halloween this year? If so, what? I don’t even know if I have plans for the rest of the year. Do you still go trick-or-treating, and if so, how old are you? The last time we did was 2015, when we were 17. Nowadays we just have costume parties. Which Disney princess resembles you the most? At the moment it’s probably Moana, but I heard they’re making a Southeast Asian Disney princess so I’m waiting for her :) What color was your first phone? I’m not sure what the model’s actual color was because it was already in a Winnie the Pooh case when I got it as a present, but the case itself was red.

Was your first phone a flip phone? No, it was one of the Nokia ones with a slightly green screen and the Snake game on it. Have you ever butt dialed someone? I don’t think so. It’s normally the other way around. What is your favorite pizza parlor? We don’t have many of that around here; most places serve a little bit of everything with pizzas usually having its own section on the menu. That said, my favorite place to get pizza is Mama Lou’s if I have some cash on me and want to be fancy, and Yellow Cab if I want fast food pizza but still quality pizza. What is an old website that closed down that you miss? I’m pretty sure Tumblr shut down my old survey blog, the one I’ve had since 2012 or 2013, and I’m very bummed out by it. It’s also weird to me because I have a blog that’s been inactive for much longer and that one is still up... so I don’t know why they would shut down the blog that served as my journal during my teen years. I occasionally look back on it to see how I was doing then and compare it to who I am now, so it sucks that I can’t do that anymore. If you're a girl, have you ever had an embarrassing period story? I guess, but I’ve also reached a point where I’ve stopped seeing period mishaps as embarrassing. Stuff like that just happens sometimes, and I can’t be around people who are going to be babies about it. ...If so, what happened? The worst instance was leaking during a PE workout and my classmate pointing it out for me, and then having to change into denim jeans for the rest of the workout since that was the only other pair of bottoms I had. What was your worst experience in high school? I can remember one but I don’t wanna relive my anxieties here by writing it in full detail so no thanks. What was your high school's mascot? We don’t have a mascot; we only had colors. Do you listen to Grace VanderWaal? Only if she’s on the radio. I don’t dislike her but I also don’t think I’ve ever looked up her music voluntarily. ...if yes, what's your favorite song of hers? I’m not familiar with her song titles. I’ve caught some songs that I liked but I wouldn’t be able to tell you which ones they were. Do you watch America's Got Talent? Only the compilation videos they’ve got on YouTube. Which country has the best accent? I don’t really rank accents lol Did you cry at your high school graduation? I cried the night before. I find that I don’t usually cry when an event that’s supposed to be emotional is happening, but I do cry before or after it. Did you cry at your college graduation (if applicable)? LOL if applicable, fucking same. I think I’ll mostly be relieved when it finally happens because I’m expecting it to keep getting postponed for now. Do your parents try to stop you from chasing your dreams? No, but they’re also realistic. I tried to court my dad about having an internship with WWE at Connecticut, and he was less than enthusiastic about it which I completely understood. What dreams have stuck with you since childhood? My dream house, to go to Wrestlemania, and to have a lot of money hahaha. Who is a former friend that you wish would come back into your life? Egh, I feel like the way life has turned out has been for the best and I’m currently not wishing any of my former friends back. I suppose it would be nice to have my relationship with Macy back, though. Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Yes, like the one I’m in now. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I didn’t have one but I did have a soft spot for Victoria Beckham since she’s always in fashion magazines and also because her family has always looked so happy. But I never really liked her as part of the group? because I knew about Victoria before I knew about the Spice Girls. Sorryyy please put your pitchforks down I was born in 1998 :(( <333 Did you ever want to be in a band or music group? No. What instrument did you play in the marching band? We don’t have a club like that here. If you could take any one type of dance class right now, what kind you take? Ballet. Who got kicked off of your favorite talent show that you were mad about? There were a gazillion unfair eliminations on American Idol but I remember being most pissed off over Scotty McCreery’s win and Pia Toscano’s elimination. Do you own the entire series on DVD of any TV show? If so, what? I have a bootleg box set of the 80s sitcom Perfect Strangers, but other than that I’ve been able to watch TV shows via torrent or Netflix, soooo. What show did you always want to be on when you were a kid? I wanted to be a part of the dancing audience on Hi-5, and to be dumped with slime at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards lol. Can you tell the difference between Mary-Kate and Ashley? No. Who is your favorite set of twins? Seoeon and Seojun from The Return of Superman. What is the stupidest baby name you have heard recently? Welp, nothing has beaten Covid Bryant yet... What is the grossest thing you have ever vomited up? Nothing too gross. Just alcohol. Have you ever thrown up in public, in front of someone else? Yes. The sensation of puking terrifies me so there’ve been a few times I asked Gabie to go to the Pop-Up washroom with me, enter a stall also with me, and to calm me down while I throw up D: ...If yes, was it embarrassing? I don’t find it embarrassing because she’s my girlfriend. I’d never ask anyone else to do the same thing for me though. Did you ever take your dog to school? Just once, for my graduation shoot. Name one person you know who had a baby in high school. No one in my batch had a baby while in high school, just shortly after. I’m not naming them but one of them already has three kids, one has a boy, and another one also has a boy. Do you keep a list of your favorite quotes? No. Describe your dream wedding in three words. Lots of food. What is your favorite Chinese restaurant? Tim Ho Wan or King Bee. Does Chinese food make you feel sick? No. Well Filipinos are kinda used to Chinese food, so it would be odd for us to get sick from it. Have you ever seen someone throw up on a plane? Fortunately no. But on a boat and a ship, yes. Do you get motion sickness? Yes, easily.

I’m just going to ignore the next seven questions because I’m tired of entertaining questions like these. Has God ever healed you of anything? If so, what? Do you believe in God? Do you pray, and if so, to whom? What is the most boring church you have ever attended? What is the most lively church you have ever attended? Do you find church fun or boring? When was the last time you went to a church service? When did you learn to ride a bike? I haven’t learned yet. I’ve had a few lucky rounds but they never lasted for more than five seconds. What do you hate the most about summer? The weather. Certainly not as fun when there’s no breeze from the beach complementing the heat. What is your favorite thing to do in a swimming pool? Stay away wherever most of the people are because it’s a little gross. Which part of your body is the most muscular? I don’t know. Do you like sugar skulls? No. Have you ever painted a sugar skull on your face? I probably had it done as a kid. Are you an artist? No. Did you ever take Latin in school? No but we were taught French very briefly because the foundress of my old school is from France. The lessons didn’t really catch on. What was the last race you ran called? I’ve never been in a race/marathon/walkathon before. Do you prefer to run in the street or on the sidewalk? Side of the street. Sidewalks are pretty inconsistent so I’m more likely to trip running on it. Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? Easter is always very near or exactly on my birthday.

#survey #surveys

5 notes · View notes

apex-academy · 4 years

Text

Chapter 4: Six Chambers, One Loaded (#22)

Nothing of consequence happens until 4:30 the next day. Can’t believe I almost forgot to tell Aki we were doing this.

Some generic kitchen implements have been set out, but it doesn’t give me much of a hint. Yuki gestures to a drawer with aprons, so I take one. And...

I can barely even figure out how to put on a stupid apron. Not a good sign.

“It’s just the two of you, right...?”

“Yeah. I'm fine with someone else joining if they want, but...”

“...just the two of us might be enough work for you.”

“Yeah, I really have no idea what I’m doing.”

“That’s okay...! As long as we have fun, hummm...”

“...and don’t waste a lot of food...”

“...and have something ready to eat for supper.”

The pressure is mounting.

“Did you have any requests...? I thought Italian might sound good...”

“That’s fine.”

“Uh, Kakumi? Is that fine?”

“Yeah.” Noodles have to be the safest place to start, I’d think. I have only set those on fire once.

“Okay...”

She just stands there for a minute. Guess she’s not used to splitting up the work. Hopefully we don’t throw her off too much.

“Um...! Aki, if you could find some pasta flour...” She glances between me and a high cupboard. “I’ll get the... mixing bowl and things. So Kakumi, you bring the eggs over, hummm...”

“Got it.”

Eggs. Awesome. I make no promises for any further steps in the recipe, but I can handle transporting things.

She didn’t say how many, but it’s safest to bring the whole carton over, anyway. There are only four left in here, so hopefully it’ll do. Aki goes through several varieties of flour I’ve literally never heard of before finding the right kind.

Yuki doesn’t seem frustrated by our struggling, but she hardly ever seems anything but tired. Either way, she sends us to grab some other stuff as she picks out some spices and some blackish liquid umami something. Not sure if I trust that, but I’m not one to backtalk my teachers. Especially teachers with national and/or international recognition for their craft.

“For anything like this, you’ll start with the noodles, or... noodle-y... things...?”

“Since if you’re making them yourself... you’ll have to let them cool a while.”

“So you might as well use that time to make whatever you’re putting on it.”

“Umm-hummm...”

“So...”

“...”

...She’s really not used to teaching, is she. Oh well. I don’t have anything better to do, and maybe it’ll be fun. Eventually.

“Um, okay... It probably won’t take long, but... Aki, you can go ahead and start measuring out and mixing the dry part... Kakumi, I’ll let you beat the eggs... Three should be good, I think... Hummmm...”

She slides me a clear bowl and goes over to help Aki with the measuring cups.

Beat...? “What does that even mean.” Is it just chef-speak for mixing. Is it supposed to be extra violent. Help.

I don’t think I’m getting hold of her anytime soon, but whatever I’m doing, I’ll at least need to crack the eggs first. Let’s do that, then. Yeah. Great.

I grab egg number one and sidestep to the bowl.

“...Okay.”

I whap it against the bowl’s edge. A faint clink. No cracking.

“Okay.”

Second try. I at least get a vague little indent on the shell. Oooo-kay. You would think a star pool player would know how hard she has to hit things, but apparently my skills are not so easily translated.

“Okay...”

Attempt three. No discernible change. Four—finally a split halfway around the thing. A few flakes drift into the bowl. I hastily blow them out before prying the egg open and dumping the contents. Okay, that’s... one-third of this step done. Hoo boy.

Aki’s already measuring out the flour, so it’s probably too late to switch. It’s fine. I can figure this out. Maybe.

The second egg cracks with much less fanfare, but a few bits of eggshell fall in when the yolk glorps into the bowl.

“...”

Am I allowed to dig that out with my fingers or is there a special eggshell tool. Uh. Well, my hands are clean, so...

I chase the fragments around until my hands are no longer clean, but I think I get them all. I rinse off my fingers and double back. Yuki’s explaining the seasonings to Aki. Not sure if I’m supposed to be listening, too, but I should probably stay focused on this for all our safety.

Okay. Egg number three. Last one.

I swipe an egg from the carton and rap it on the bowl’s edge.

The shattered pieces and slime narrowly miss my shirtsleeve as they smear the outside of the bowl and plop onto the counter.

“...”

“.....”

“..........”

The others haven’t noticed, so, uh, time to destroy the evidence. I grab the closest dish towel and scoop up all the mess I can, scrubbing the side of the bowl with some clean corner of the thing that I have to maneuver a lot to actually use. Then—what do I do with the towel? Burn it? That’d get rid of it. Probably still a bad idea. I chuck the thing in a reasonably empty drawer and resolve to deal with that once we’re done.

“...go ahead and get some plastic wrap... Okay?”

“Okay...”

I’m still clear. Moving on, then.

There’s still an egg in the carton, so I take that and rotate it slowly in my hand. Last one. Any chance Monochap will restock them while we’re all standing here? Wouldn’t count on it. I’m sure I’d wreck the whole recipe if I only used two eggs and change, so... Okay. No pressure. Just have to not make any mistakes doing something I’m terrible at. Yeah.

I resume the gentlest possible rapping.

“Kakumi, have you...”

“...Oh.”

“I’m... slow, okay?”

“Do you want to do this?”

“Humm... I can go ahead, I guess...”

“You should pay attention, though...”

“I will! Thanks.”

I hand off the egg as Aki steps over.

“Having fun?”

“I guess? So far I’ve only stirred flour and seasoning together...”

“It at least feels productive, maybe...?”

“Yeah.”

Really hope I don’t ruin that by screwing up my share of things. I’m sure Yuki could salvage any number of kitchen disasters, though. Just... gotta hang in there. And pay attention. Yeah.

Apparently forks are how you beat eggs. Was not expecting that for some reason. Well, at least I’m learning.

We finally mix everything up with the liquid seasoning, and Aki gets the flour out again to keep everything from sticking to the counter. Yuki demonstrates kneading, and we all take turns. I don’t think I’m doing very well. It’s hard to gauge Yuki’s expression.

Maybe I’ll just let Aki do most of this. Those arm warmers covering half of her hands seem to give her a little trouble, but she's still a better bet than me.

The pasta gets spread out and sealed off and tossed in the fridge. Next I get to chop up some mushrooms, which I still do a sloppy job of, but it’s better than asking me to fry them. Hopefully Aki is less skilled than me at setting pans on fire. I’ll still stand back. Yuki may be soft-spoken, but I can hear her explanations fine from over here, thanks.

Aki tentatively nudges the pan around on the stove.

“Ack!”

“You okay?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Oh, sometimes you get hit with a little oil... It’s not a big deal...”

“Hummmmmm... It didn’t get you in the face, did it?”

“Um, no... I think I’m good.”

“Okay... Kakumi, you have the cheese, right...?”

“Yup.”

And off we go. Aki doesn’t seem particularly flinchy, so I guess it’s all good. The mushrooms get set aside to cool, then we get to cut up the pasta, then we get to fill it. By “fill it,” I mean repeatedly put too much in and rip the pasta open whenever I close it up. Awesome.

Thankfully I don’t have any strange deficiencies in the ability to boil water, and we manage not to burn ourselves again getting these things cooked. Stirring up the sauce doesn’t hurt, either, though we let Yuki drizzle it in a more artistic fashion than I’m sure either of us could manage.

And finally...

Ta-da.

“Nothing too fancy... But it was an easy one, I think.”

“Fancier than anything else I’ve made.”

“Yeah.” I wouldn’t feel right saying I made this, though.

“Whoever wants to start eating can go ahead... I’m going to clean up.”

...Oh yeah, cleaning. I still have to deal with that washrag. Hopefully she won’t find it first.

Aki nods at me.

“Um, you can go ahead... Unless you don’t want to. Sorry.”

“No, I’m hungry enough. I just, uh, hate to break up the nice picture...”

“I get that a lot, hummmm...”

“But it’s okay! Food is meant to be eaten...”

“Right.”

I eye that one cabinet as she resumes cleaning. I could always volunteer to help, and maybe then I can get rid of the towel... No, I need to start eating. Aki could easily be hungrier than I am.

“All right, here goes.”

I snatch a dumpling—or ravioli, whatever—and chomp down. I’m met with the electrifying visceral pain of biting into eggshell. I almost reflexively spit the thing out.

“...”

“I-it’s good! Just... ‘s still hot.” Technically not a lie. I just hope this is the only ravioli I screwed up.

Remind me not to try murdering anybody. I can’t even cover my tracks when the crime is “general kitchen disaster.”

Aki and I settle to eat in a corner of the kitchen. I probably need to pay more attention to Yuki’s next lecture on flavorings. This taste seems weird, but that’s probably just my personal preference. If I ever make this again, I’d have to switch something with... something else.

...And get someone else to crack the eggs.

[BACK] [NEXT]

#apex4 #apexplot #fangan

3 notes · View notes

weelittleweasley · 6 years

Text

The Babysitters | Sweet Pea x Reader

Prompt: Babysitting was the one job you had that was the most boring and tedious. Hopefully, bringing your serpent boyfriend can spice things up. Requested by an anon.

Warnings: none

The screams of an excited four year old and six year old ring throughout the house as the two year old you hold in your arms, chews on your finger. It sounds like a stampede as Clara and Allison, the girls you babysit for, run through the dining room, Clara chasing her older sister with a handful of homemade slime as Allison giggles and screeches. Nora, the baby girl, starts to cry because of the noise as you sigh. “Girls, please don’t scream. It’s scaring, Nora,” you tell them as they continue to run around the house, yelling at each other. It isn’t long before the joyful laughter turns into a fight.

“Ow, Clara! That’s my hair,” Alli yells as Clara runs away from her sister who chases her madly throughout the house. You usually didn’t babysit the girls alone; Betty watched them with you, but she came down with the stomach bug. The mother of the three girls said you could cancel, but you felt too bad to do that to her on such short notice. Now you can see why she thought you should just stay home. Three girls under the age of ten, all sisters, was a handful, bless their mother.

Grabbing your phone out from your jean pockets, you dial the number of someone who could possibly help you out. As Clara and Allison continued to run around, screaming at each other, your boyfriend on the other line finally picked up. “Hey, baby,” he speaks into the phone as you can’t help, but smile. Pots crash in the kitchen as you sigh. “What’s making all of that noise? Where are you?” he laughs.

Rocking Nora in your arms, you put your phone between your neck and shoulder, try to give Nora your full attention. As you do so, she starts to giggle with glee. “Is there any chance you could maybe come over to help me? I’m at 516 Abercorn,” you tell him and before he can object, you say, “Thanks, bye.”

Tucking your phone into your back pocket again, you put Nora in the play pen, letting her roam free. Heading into the kitchen, you try to tackle the problem created by Clara and Allison. You see a broken pot on the floor with the two girls standing over it. “It was Clara’s fault!” Allison accuses as Clara gives her a mean look. “Was not! Allison pushed me into the table and the pot fell!” Clara speaks to you, trying to convince you whose fault it was. Then the chatter starts again as you separate the two away from each other.

“I don’t care whose fault it was,” you tell them as you pick up the pieces of the pot, throwing them in the garbage. “Here, do you guys want dessert?” you offer cookies as their eyes light up, grabbing one each as the munch silently. It should give you some time to care for Nora before the yelling starts again.

But you spoke too soon. In just three minutes, Allison starts in again. “Why does Clara have a bigger cookie than me, Y/N?” she questions you as you sigh. “Because Y/N likes me better!” Clara laughs as Allison stomps her feet, demanding a bigger cookie. The screaming and crying starts in again, but is hushed by the door bell ringing.

Walking to the door, you open it up to see Sweet Pea standing there in his gelled hair and leather covered glory. Smiling, completely relieved to see him, you breathe out, “Hey.”

Sweets smiles and kisses your cheek, walking into the house. Allison and Clara are dead silent when they lay their eyes on Pea. Their eyes are wide as they taken in his tall figure, examining every inch of him. “Who the heck are you?” Allison speaks, gathering enough bravery to talk to your slightly intimidating boyfriend. “Who the heck are you?” Pea retorts as Allison stops.

Pinching his lower back out of the girls sight as he winces, you sign for him to be nice. “Girls, this is my boyfriend, Sweet Pea. Sweet Pea, this is Allison, Clara,” you say and then point to the play pen where Nora is standing up watching you all, “and Nora.” The room is silent before Clara bursts out laughing.

“Your name is Sweet Pea!!” she giggles as Allison chimes in with her laughter. “That’s what my Daddy calls me and Alli!” The girls continue to laugh harder as Pea rolls his eyes, sitting on the couch.

Trying to quiet the girls down you start, “Okay, what do you girls wanna do before bed? We have about two hours left, so we can play a game, do a puzzle, play dress up...” Allison and Clara look at each other with a devious smile and you know exactly what they are thinking as your eyes go wide. Allison looks at Sweet Pea with a smile and Sweet Pea instantly realizes what’s going on. “Oh, no. Absolutely not,” he sticks his hands out as a warning.

Allison whines, “Pleeeeeeease, Y/N’s boyfriend. Pleeease!!” She and Clara start to jump on the couch as the chant ‘dress up!’ before Sweet Pea has enough of the yelling and summits to their demands. The two cheer in victory before running to the basement to grab costumes.

“I blame you for this,” he huffs as you scoop Nora out of her play pen as she holds onto your neck. You give him an awkward smile, “I love you?” He sighs, “Yeah, yeah.”

When the girls come back upstairs, they have stuck Pea into a dress that hung around his neck because it wouldn’t fit (clearly) and a tiara sits on his head. The sight makes you laugh as the girls force him to have a tea party with him. “Whose the princess now?” you tease him as he gives you the side eye. While Sweet Pea and the girls play tea party, you feed Nora her bedtime bottle, eavesdropping in on the conversation between the girls and Pea.

Clara starts, “Have you and Y/N kissed?” The girls wait anxiously for his answer as he laughs out a yes. Allison gasps as Clara says, “But Daddy says all boys have cooties!!” This causes you to let out a small giggle as you continue to feed Nora, her laying your arms watching you as she eats.

“Are you and Y/N in love?” Allison asks as you can hear the smile in her speech. You wait for Sweet Pea’s answer and he says, “Of course we are.” His words make your heart flutter. Clara and Allison giggle before Allison whispers, “Are you guys gonna get married?” Sweet Pea smiles at the pure innocence of the girls. “Maybe when we are older,” he whispers back as the girls giggle with him.

The night progresses and the girls are completely infatuated with Sweet Pea. They ask him about literally anything and everything. “Is that at tattoo?” Allison says as she sits on his lap, pointing to his Serpent tattoo on his neck. He turns her around to face him as he nods. “Cool! I got a tattoo once at the block party over the summer! It was a crown because I love princesses,” she speaks a mile a minute causing Sweet Pea to laugh. “Why did you get a snake?”

Sweet Pea tries to simply the complicated story behind just one tiny tattoo. “The snake represents my family,” he states as Clara stops playing with you on the floor, whipping around to face him. “Your family is a bunch of snakes?!” she yells, unable to fathom this newfound information as you crack up laughing with Sweet Pea. “Kind of,” he answers as Clara widens her eyes. “That’s so cool!!” she tells you as you smile. From across the room, Pea drops his eye into a wink, making you smile at how cute all of this was.

For the rest of the night, Allison and Clara alternate who gets a piggy back ride from Sweets as he walks them around the house, them loving how high up they get to be. Sweet Pea even lets them try on his Serpent jacket as Allison and Clara marvel at how big it is. But when the clock hits 8:45 PM, it’s time for bed. “Alright, girls, it’s 8:45, you know what that means,” you tell them on the stairs.

Immediately, their faces drop and they both cry out a whine. “Do we have to go to bed? 10 more minutes!!” Allison begs. “I already let you stay up 15 more minutes past your normal bedtime to play with Sweets,” you tell them as they whine, begging for a little more time with your boyfriend. “Hey, did you ask Sweets if next time I come to baby, he could come, too?” you ask.

Their faces fill back up with joy as the tackle him with ‘please’ as he laughs. “I’ll come again, don’t worry,” he smiles as they cheer, clapping their hands together. “Alright, let’s go,” you say as they run up the stairs to their beds. “Sweets, can you hold Nora until I finish tucking the girls in?” you ask before handing the two year old off to him. He didn’t not know what to do with a baby this small. “What do I do with it?” he asks as you laugh. “Try to rock her to bed,” you tell him as he keeps the small child at arms length as if she were to bite him. Slowly, he pulls her into him as Nora lets out a giggle.

You tuck the girls into bed, shutting off the lights in their rooms and finally, you walk down the stairs to see Sweet Pea cradling Nora, who is fast asleep in his arms. Before you take her away from him, you watch him for a small bit. He cradles her close to his chest, rocking her back and forth gently. His mouth is turned into a small smile as he watches her sleep and you can only think to himself how adorable the sight is. Pulling yourself away from your stare, you walk over to him to take the infant to her room upstairs. As he passes Nora off to you, he says, “She still may be awake. Just keep humming to her.” The fact that he was singing to a baby makes your heart burst. When Nora is sound asleep, you walk downstairs back to where Pea is on the couch, flopping next to him drained out. “Kids are so...exhausting,” he speaks as you laugh.

“They loved you,” you beam as he softly smiles. “Just watching you with them was so cute.” Sweet Pea rolls his eyes, “I’m not cute.” Kissing his cheek, you say, “Yes, you are. Don’t try to deny it. You with children is the cutest thing I’ve seen in my entire life.”

He just shakes his head before pressing his lips to yours. “So, how much do you get paid to do this?” he questions, you replying, “About twenty bucks an hour.” His eyes widen, “An hour? Geez, sign me up for babysitting.” You press your lips to his again before he pulls you onto his lap, not breaking the kiss. “Is this my payment?” he teases as you giggle against his lips. “Where’s my tip?”

“Ewwww!!” a small voice says behind you as you break the kiss, seeing Clara at the top of the steps. “Go back to bed!” you laugh as she giggles wildly before scurrying back into her room, shutting the door. The two of you laugh before reconnecting your lips.

381 notes · View notes

rinnnyxr · 3 years

Text

You were a huge Mary-Kate and Ashley fan. You played with Barbies. You had an American Girl doll. You had a rock collection. You had a stamp collection. You loved to color with markers and write stories. You liked to play dress up. You played house in a big dishwasher box. You loved The Jungle Book. You watched all of Mary-Kate and Ashley's "You're Invited" videos. You liked to write songs. You wrote a lot of songs, poems, and stories. You went to Disney World and loved the Magic Kingdom. You went on the Disney Cruise. You got Mickey Mouse's autograph. You had a swimming pool. You had a big backyard. You had imaginary friends. You played with your brother. You had a huge imagination. You loved to read. You loved Anne of Green Gables. Your mom read you The Little House on the Prairie books. Your mom read to you at bedtime. You enjoyed playing games on the computer. You enjoyed playing with Paint on the computer. You had Windows 95. You had a Generation Girl doll. You loved Lisa Frank. You had Lisa Frank folders for school. You listened to the Spice Girls. You listened to N Sync and The Backstreet Boys. You listened to Aaron Carter and A-Teens. You watched Nickelodeon. Your favorite shows were All That and The Amanda Show. You loved the show All That. You watched Saturday morning cartoons. You ate Lunchables. You brought a packed lunch to school. You were shy. There was fighting in your house every day. You had a dog. You loved playing with scooters in gym class. You loved playing with the big parachute in gym class. You enjoyed playing floor hockey in gym class. You hated kickball. You only got your name on the board once, and it was for an unjust reason. You hated school. You liked coloring. You loved cheese. You loved dance classes. You had bangs. Your hair was blonde. ...but now it's darker and not considered blonde anymore You loved recess. You watched Arthur. You got really excited on Christmas Day. You got really excited on your birthday. You celebrated your dolls' birthdays. You celebrated your pet's birthdays. Your parents abused you. Your brother was mean to you. You had neighborhood friends. You rode a bicycle. You owned a tie-dye shirt. You tie-dyed a shirt. You built a sandcastle. You build a snowman. You made snow angels. You went sledding down a hill. You went sledding at recess in the winter. You cheated at Heads Up 7-Up. You brought in your dog for show-and-tell. You have both good memories and bad memories from your childhood. Ultimately, you like adulthood better. You watched Kenan and Kel. You watched Nick Jr. with Face. You watched Little Bear. You watched Allegra's Window. You watched Doug, Hey Arnold!, Rocket Power, and Rugrats. You watched Clarissa Explains it All. You watched Legends of the Hidden Temple and Global Guts. You watched The Brady Bunch on Nick at Nite. You watched Figure it Out and watched people get slimed. You played with silly string. You watched Caitlin's Way, Taina, As Told by Ginger, and Cousin Skeeter. You played with legos. You had a pog collection. You watched Winnie the Pooh. You owned pleated pants. Your mom braided your hair. You had asthma. You were hospitalized for a few days. You had your tonsils taken out. You had the chicken pox. You were allergic to mosquito bites. ...one bite could make half your entire leg swell up. You loved spending the night at your grandma's house. You always beat your grandma at Tic-Tac-Toe. You were in a spelling bee. You loved swinging on the swings at recess. You played the game Camouflage at recess. You've been on some incredibly boring field trips. You played Four Square at recess. You jumped rope at recess. You owned a bag of marbles. You entered exhibits in the county fair. You were afraid of roller coasters. You went to Sunday school. You grew up wishing you had Christian parents. You enjoyed the music in church. You played with cootie catchers/fortune tellers. You started a fad at school. Your brother was obsessed with yo-yos. You read American Girl Magazine. You were homeschooled. You loved popsicles. You loved macaroni and cheese. You won a writing contest. You won a reading contest. You played tag with other kids in your neighborhood. You played on your front lawn. You played with sidewalk chalk. You played with bouncy balls. You wish your mom had loved you. You wish your dad wasn't such a jerk. You wish your brother wasn't so mean. You wish your grandparents were nicer. You feel like you missed out on a lot of life because of how you were treated. You read Nancy Drew Notebooks. You read American Girl books. You didn't like to get dirty. You were cautious and didn't do anything too risky. Your favorite card game was Go Fish. You owned a boombox. You owned a disco light for your room. You owned a GameBoy Advance. You played with paper dolls. You owned Bratz dolls. You owned porcelein dolls. You wrote in a diary. You had your first crush when you were eight. You watched JJ the Jet Plane. You watched The Rugrats Movie in the theater. You coordinated your sippy cups to your outfits. You had a piggy bank. Your dad made you cry on numerous occasions, because he was mean. You had swimming lessons. You were a daydreamer.

You believe that homosexuality is a choice. You believe that homosexuals are born that way. You honestly aren't sure if all homosexuals are born that way or if it is a choice. ...and you believe that it's ok not to know. ...because we aren't supposed to know everything. ...and nobody knows everything. You don't always agree with what the masses are saying. You don't have strong political opinions. You have friends who have different political views than you. You have friends who have different religious backgrounds than you. You have friends who have different religious views than you. You have a friend who has a different worldview than you. You've had someone try to shove their religious views down your throat, and you hate it. You don't believe anyone should try to force their views on anyone. You believe that you should accept everyone, even if you disagree with them You hate gays. You hate Christians. You don't care if someone is gay or straight or Christian or atheist, as long as they are nice to you. You have questioned your belief in God. You have questioned your sexuality. You have questioned your gender. You have done something and felt guilty afterward. You have questioned whether God hears you when you pray or not. You have questioned whether Greek or Roman mythology is real or not. You have questioned whether reincarnation was real or not. You believe abortion is wrong. You believe that there's nothing wrong with questioning your sexuality. You have self-harmed. You have questioned whether your life was worth living or not. You've contemplated suicide. You've attempted suicide. You are happy with the way you look. You wish you were more popular. You care what people think of you. You think life is unfair. You believe bullying is wrong. You have bullied someone and felt bad about it later. You've made a mistake. You've made many mistakes. You have a regret. You have many regrets. You think the world is messed up. You care about people. You sometimes struggle with self-discipline. You over-eat sometimes. You comfort-eat sometimes. You believe friends are one of life's greatest gifts. You've heard Amanda Todd's story and watched her YouTube video. ...and you think it's terrible what happened to her. Your life is close to that of Amanda Todd's. You get headaches after eating nuts. You feel all alone sometimes. You enjoy typing. You think it's ok to make mistakes and learn from them. Everybody makes mistakes. You realize that sometimes people lie. ...especially on facebook. You have everything figured out. You know everything. You believe it's ok to think for oneself and form your own opinions. ...even if your opinions aren't the same as everyone else's You have deleted a friend on facebook after they posted something you didn't like. You believe it's wrong for anyone to force their views on anyone else. Jesus is your Lord. Jesus is your Savior. You don't believe in Jesus. You aren't sure if you believe in Jesus or not. You believe in Jesus, but you he's not your Lord or Savior. You believe everyone has a right to choose what they believe. You think your body is perfect. You wouldn't change anything about your face. You've looked at porn. You've made a typo in a facebook status. You've thrown up in a public bathroom. You've thrown up in public. You've slipped and fallen in public. You have an embarrassing bathroom story. You've felt nervous on the first day of school. You've felt nervous before giving a speech. You've felt excited about going back to school. You've locked yourself in a bathroom and cried. You've had a high school crush. You've choked on something. You've missed school because you were sick. You used to think you were superior to others. ..but now you know you are not. You've thrown up in a bucket. You want people to like you. You worry if people will like you. You want to have friends. You've worn two pairs of socks at once. You've worn two pairs of gloves at once. You don't judge others. You judge others. You've struggled with lust. You've slept naked. You fear someone walking in on you when you are in the bathroom. You think disrespect should not be tolerated. You are your own person.

0 notes

abiteofnat · 7 years

Photo

AVOCADON’T EVEN TELL ME ABOUT WHERE THERE IS GOOD GUAC…

Because last month in six days I ate Mexican food for dinner six times. That’s right, every single dinner somehow started with a big ole basket of tortilla chips and ended with greasy fingers and 3-6 tacos in my stomach. I think at one point I just began to expect that my night would end in rice and corn tortillas, and then it just kept happening…

Is this anywhere near a complaint? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Mexican is in my top three favorite categories of food, the other two being Italian and Mediterranean (but bagels always, always coming in first above all), and so I tend to be a harsh critic. There’s also different types of Mexican food: the traditional, authentic type that’s hard to find but life changing when you do, the 3 a.m. places that are the real reason we even go out in the first place so we can end up in front of a chimichanga of shame after a somewhat irritating house party, and then the nearly authentic kind that has a dash of flair added. I LOVE ‘EM ALL. Most of these will be a mix of the first and last kind, as everyone who knows me knows the only 3 a.m. place I frequent is Allende Restaurant even though everyone else is a Taco Burrito Palace bitch. That Allende rice and white tile walls; nothing will comfort you and your premature hangover quite like it. When your friend is crying over that fuckboy and your friend’s friend drank about six beers too many? Take them to Allende! Can’t cry when you’re choking on horchata!

I haven’t done a good taco roundup in a while and for a city that loovvesss margaritas as much as Chicago does it’s about time. How can I even write this after being up to my ears in salsa verde without wanting to throw up? IT WAS ALL JUST THAT GOOD. I’m living vicariously through my own memories from the past week and I am legitimately excited to write about these tacos.

HERE WE GO.

1. Adobo Grill

On any given menu, there’s about 10% of things I have no interest in eating. Add on the 80% I can’t actually eat due to being vegetarian, and that leaves 10% of a menu that is up for grabs. The fact that the happy hour taco offered the night we went to Adobo Grill was one of the most astounding tacos I’ve ever had literally blows my mind- what! are! the! odds! For $2 a piece you could assume that it’s going to be chicken, beef, or some odd mixture because at Adobo the taco platters come in sets of three tacos with rice and beans for $15-19 so why would they give the good stuff for cheap… AND INSTEAD IT WAS A LUCIOUS FISH TACO, GRILLED TO GOLDEN PERFECTION. Topped with pico de gallo and spicy mayo sauce? Add in some of their fresh to death guac and a little spicy red salsa? It was almost tooooo good. The single corn tortilla held up beautifully against the moist, meaty fish and they did not skimp on anything even though it was 5:30 p.m. and happy hour drinks were flowing and the restaurant could have really taken advantage of that. These tacos have not left my mind, or my heart…

Another thing so wonderful about this place: the patio! It’s open and covered in tasteful twinkle lights, with the giant mural (pictured) of a happy skeleton man a and some flowers that play off the orange and purple hues of the decor. To sit outside right across from Second City (great date night all in one city block!) and sip a Modelo pretty much means fucking euphoria, and then add in guac that actually tastes like guac and not avocado slime? KABOOM. As much as I want to say all guac is good guac Adobo puts a lot of places to shame (cough cough Chipotle how the frick is that shit celebrated so widely) and gives you a TON of incredible guac for $9. Chip score: 8/10. Guac score: 10/10. Vibes: 10/10.

Insider scoop: Go for happy hour until 6 p.m., splurge for guac, add the salsa to everything, and order a side of plantains with sour cream. Never had plantains before? This is the perfect place to just trust the food blogger and go for it because you will DIE OVER THEM.

2. Big Star

BIG STAR IS MY KING, QUEEN, AND THE ENTIRE KINGDOM. If you live in Chicago, and it is above freeze-my-nuts-off temperature, it is patio weather and any restaurant that puts 2 chairs and a table out front will be considered a patio destination. Like Adobo (but even better) Big Star goes above and beyond as it’s a mainly-patio restaurant, with bulb lights lights above every stainless steel table and the warmest, most inviting outdoor seating there is once the sun goes down. You can watch the people, see some street art, watch the Blue Line zoom by, and walk to Stan’s Donuts for a wide array of treats afterward (aka a blueberry cheese danish, YUMBO).

Located in Wicker Park, a very artsy n’ cute section of Chicago that’s a bit more on the ~trendy~ side since lots of blogged about restaurants have opened up, Big Star offers tacos a la carte and the best chips and guacamole on that side of the highway. I have gone for the past two years close to my birthday to celebrate because the pitchers are insanely alcoholic and also delicious, serving about 6 glasses in each pitcher. With one marg being $9 and a pitcher being $36, it is an absolute steal and even if only two people are at the table it is worth the high price tag. Best part is that the pitcher comes with a wooden ladle which adds to the vibe of Big Star, but is also hilarious to stir your vat of tequila and juice with. Like witch’s potion, but probably even more dangerous!

Once everyone is seated and with drink, it’s time for the poor waiter to scream over everyone to take the order. While Big Star is mostly outside, it’s verryyyyy loud due to the sheer amount of people and the music pumping from the inside section that leaves the doors/ windows wide open. We were seated near the window and with a group of ten, it was one of those nights that leaves your voice hoarse and your ears ringing but feeling like you had a good as heck time! My favorite vegetarian tacos are the:

- Taco de Zananhorias: try ordering that when you do not speak Spanish and are two margs deep! This taco is the best yet overlooked one on the menu, featuring spiced cooked carrots that are savory and still have a crunch to them, pumpkin seeds for flavor and texture, and an incredible spicy date & yogurt dressing that offers a chipotle kick to offset the sweetness of the carrots and the dates. Wrapped in a corn tortilla, this taco is actually a filling veggie taco that doesn’t just taste like red peppers topped in guac! Which is like 99% of most vegetarian tacos! The flavors in this are worth more than $2.50 a pop, which is what it will cost you.

- Taco de Pescado: Your typical and delicious fried tilapia taco! Beer battered and with the expected crunch of cabbage, top with some line for a perfect fish taco. This is a good standby if you’re weary of the more creative ones.

- THE WALKING TACO: Most of the table ordered this one! It’s a DAMN fever dream to eat! Let me preface by saying honey BBQ twist Fritos are my most coveted, most guilty snack that I find myself eating far too often and usually when I’m having a flip off the universe and treat yourself moment. So take the trusted, panty-dropping crunch of the Frito and then add buffalo sauce, beans, cheese, crema, and cilantro? STILL IN THE SNACK SIZE FRITO BAG? AND YOU EAT IT ALL WITH A FORK? FUCKIN NUTS GUYS. I know for a fact this stretches the authentic “Mexican food” title, but man that was a great business decision to include it. Once a year, as a birthday treat, the Walking Taco is my bitch.

Shoutout to Big Star, the ideal location for any event that needs tequila.

3. Garcia’s Restaurant

Garcia’s feels like home due to the amount of times a meal there has included the same group of close friends, emotional conversations about sorority stuff, and late night escapes from boys that don’t understand when they’re ridiculous, we will go get mole and strawberry daiquiris instead of dealing with them. While I have no photos to share, I do have memories and the assurance that this place is truly authentic. From the large wooden chairs to the flags on the wall, atmosphere lacks but the food is absolutely incredible. I always order the Cheese Enchiladas with mole poblano on top, and it is the real mole that makes you warm from the inside out. It’s thick with notes of cocoa, spices, and not too sweet- almost bittersweet in fact, and with the pull of cheese inside chewy tortillas all rolled up underneath it is a rare find indeed.

The chips & salsa take the cake in my book; they’re perfectly crispy and not greasy, and the salsa will make your eyes water but then before you know it your face is soaking wet because you ate ALL OF THE SALSA ANYWAY. Hurts so good, you know?

And as mentioned the strawberry daiquiri is DOPE DOPE DOPE. Huge for the price, sweet and sugary with all the spicy food, and perfect for late night gossip. Or pregaming, either one.

4. Taco Diablo

An Evanston favorite! The OG Taco Diablo opened a few years ago and was an instant hit in the North Shore as it was a dark, intimate den of Mexican food, a place for casual drinks, and coated in sugar skull paintings and weird demonic creatures dancing around the bar area. Given the logo has little devils in it, it’s fitting that here they take a sultry, somewhat naughty approach to decor and food. We went once or twice a week and craved their guac that has a very specific lime & garlic undertone to it in the best way guac ever could, and the baskets of thin chips with rock salt sprinkled on the sides.

No one was prepared for the morning we woke up and Beloved Taco Diablo had burned down, along with it’s neighboring restaurant Pine Yard. Needless to say, everyone was SHOOK and really genuinely upset that this tragedy struck such loved, run-by-good-people places. So then even more was no one prepared when the ashes were burried and from them rose A NEW TACO DIABO RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET! The owners of this cantina and the conjoining (long time closed) Asian-influence restaurant Lulu’s bought a double lot across the street and just went gung-ho on giving Evanston two of their favorite places back, which was like Christmas 100x over. The tacos from Taco Diablo AND the sesame peanut noodles from Lulu’s??? Next door??? HECKIN’ YES. I have literally downed a -very strong- marg with friends at Taco Diablo and then placed an order for the noodles to go to enjoy later in bed, and if that’s not employing DEMAND AND SUPPLY IDK WHAT IS.

Go here for dinner with friends, a second date or a weekly drink date, and to sample every fucking thing on the menu. Especially the chilaquiles!!!

5. Depot Nuevo

This one is hardest to type because we adore it, cherish it, crave it, owe many years of our lives to it way too much and in fact I will be here this week a couple times already. Depot graced our lives many moons ago in Wilmette and quickly became the neighborhood hub, as it’s downtown and in a real, separate house with a wraparound porch and the same smiling faces greeting you every single time. The menu offers your typical Mexican favorites such as tacos, fajitas, burritos + bowls, and of course guac and salsa, but with a slightly more upscale twist in a casual yet good-enough-for-a-life-event setting. The shrimp taco filled with crispy grilled shrimp, spicy crema, and actual slices of avocado are in my list of favorite foods in the entire world, but order the cheese quesadilla with a side of avocado and rice and holy frickle frackle you will never see quesadillas as a children’s food again. The cheese is juicy, chewy, stretchy, buttery, everything you could imagine and more. House-made corn tortillas and red salsa are impossible to describe, and the pomegranate margarita is the sweet n’ sour necessity to the meal that will linger in your mind for days afterward until you go back.

Don’t brush it off because it’s in the quiet and sleepy suburbs. It is constantly busy, turnt, and I promise people in my friend group will be there heckling the staff and demanding elite service because we keep them in business. I THANK AND APPRECIATE YOUR WORK, DEPOT!

That’s all I’ve got for you today friends, I hope this helps shape some weekend plans and gives you some new happy hour spots! What are your favorite Mexican restaurants?? Always looking for new places!

-Natalie

1 note · View note

jheaton416 · 4 years

Text

Ace and Sep’s Greatest Hits

With Sad Hands and heavy hearts we bid farewell to Ace and Sep's Buffy recaps...

"I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. It's about the power. And there's no one in the world who has the power to stop me now." Just then the Hubris Police step in in the form of Rupert Giles and throw a bolt of green energy at Willow, knocking her clear across the room. "I'd like to test that theory," says Giles, all tall and authoritative. Oh, Giles! Hi! I missed you so much this season! We have so much catching up to do! Let's see. I just finished my finals, and I think I did rather well. And I met a very nice boy who just happens to live in England, so when I'm over there this summer, if you wanna hang out or something just let me know. I gotta hand this over to Ace now, but... call me!

Sep, "Two to Go"

Sep: So there I was. At Trader Joe's, and boom. No Booty to be had. And you know my dedication to all things snack. Ace: I feel your pain. The other night I was at TJ's and they had all these different kinds of Booty from Fruit Booty to Vegetable Booty, but not the Booty that I wanted. Sep: Yargh. That blows. Ace: Snerk. So anyway. Ash asked me if I wanted to get one of the other varieties, but I just felt that if I couldn't have the Booty that I wanted, it was better to have no Booty at all. Sep: Dude. That's deep. And also would have saved me much pain and humiliation in my early twenties.

There are tiny colonies of single-celled life at the bottom of deep fissures in the sea using their cilia to tell each other, "Buffy used Spike." Can we please move on?

Sep, "Never Leave Me"

Ecch, I hear a noise like forty cats being squeezed too hard around their middles. Turns out it's Cordelia singing "The Greatest Love of All."

- Ace, "The Puppet Show"

i dont have time to read all theze post but did u hear what happens in the finale? every vamp and demon that buffy has ever kiled is rezrected and they all sing at spike and angles WEDDING!!!! OMG!!! laterz Sep (Go on. Ban me. I dare you.)

Sep, in the forums

Aw, Willow is wearing shorts and showing more Willow-leg than I believe we've ever seen. What a cutie. ... Giles finally pipes up that he's sorry he missed the encounter, but he actually sounds like he's sorry these damn kids won't leave him alone so he can pour himself a nice single-malt Scotch and watch that Letty The Lusty Librarian tape he has hidden in his nightstand. ... Dracula wears a sweater vest? Well, I guess that answers the age-old question: "What does Dracula wear under his cape?" Or was that Scotsmen? Who does he think he is anyway, Chandler Bing? ... I would like to point out that Spacky is wearing more eye makeup than the entire female cast combined.

Ace, "Buffy vs. Dracula"

Credits. Who does James Marsters have to sleep with to be billed before Michelle Trachtenberg and Emma Caulfield? Ooh! Please let it be me. C'mon, if y'all give me James I won't ask for anything else for my birthday or Christmas. What? It worked when I was ten. ... Look! Xander is using a skill! Effectively! As he's building shelves for Giles, I notice that he's attired in jeans and a plain long-sleeved shirt. It looks like after his other half fell into the Gap, he managed to climb out with a basic grasp on the matching theory.

Sep, "Out of My Mind"

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I love the 'Bot; I really, really do. She's so cute and happy and chirpy and I just know reanimated Buffy is going to be an angst-y pained ball of angst just like she was all last season, and sometimes I wish we could just replace her with the robot permanently. Especially if she keeps making jokes about marzipan.

Ace, "Bargaining I"

Damn, Marc Blucas makes James Marsters look like a tiny, tiny man. After last week's showcase it's sad, but also amusing, to see Spike reduced to an elfin laundry-stalker.

Sep, "Shadow"

WARNING: Contents may have shifted during shipping. Oops, that's the wrong warning. The warning is this: This recap contains opinions.

Ace, "Tabula Rasa"

Evil Dead eh? I'm just going to take that as a shout-out to me and my Evil Dead t-shirt that I ordered out of the Fangoria (shut up) catalog twelve years ago and have been wearing consistently ever since. David Fury must have seen me in it or something. ... Buffy notices Ben sitting somewhere else and goes over to talk to him. Oh GREAT. You know how, whenever there's an outbreak of some sort of nasty infectious disease, during the news reports they often retrace the path of the virus on a map? Well, that's what my mind is doing with Ben right about now. First I only had to live in fear during the hospital scenes. But then he leached into the hospital parking lot. And now that he's just showing up at the Bronze all willy-nilly, he could just ooze on down the road anywhere his little slime trail will take him. Curses. Greasy Intern Ben is spreading. I wonder what his vector of infection is?

Sep, "Crush"

Tough Love - Or, "The Unedited Buffy You Never Wanted To See." Buffy routes paperwork. Buffy repairs an appliance. Buffy folds laundry. Buffy goes to a parent-teacher conference. Dawn does homework. Dawn does homework some more. Glory practices personal hygiene. The recapper props her eyelids open with spork tines. To spice things up a little, Giles goes all Ripper, Tara goes all Forrest Gump, and Willow goes all Fairuza Balk. The recapper falls asleep and drools on her cat.

Ace, "Tough Love" recaplet

Spike stumbles, bloody, bruised, and wild-eyed, down the hall to the elevator, and if I weren't a fan of this show and were just flipping by I might think it was a clip from a Behind the Music on Billy Idol.

Sep, "Intervention"

...Marci needs to find "the key." ...Darcy or Shannon or whatever her name is ...Sheila or Lisa or whoever

Sep describing Glory before her name was revealed, "Family"

...the guy, who I've decided to call Gee Dub McChoad for no reason whatsoever...

Sep describing Tara's brother, "Family"

Willow screams, 'Noooooooo,' and a rippling force shoots out of her mouth and zaps Osiris, who vanishes. Oh, the heartbreak of halitosis!

Ace, "Villains"

My roommate brought home a big pile of Marshmallow Peeps from a post-Easter sale. I took one look at them and screeched, "Peeps show!" before grabbing one, winging it into the microwave, and making "Bamp-chicka-bow-wow" noises while watching the Peep swell and undulate in the microwave. Try it. It's fun. Also, I have in my notes from the first airing of this episode, "Dawn no like monkey-brain marshmallows." I think I'll just leave that in. You'll either find it as amusing as I do or marvel at my illiteracy.

Sep, "Conversations With Dead People"

Willow incants more at the effigy (who looks like she's ready for a doctor to check her tonsils) and then sends green energy blobs shooting out of her breasts towards Santa's Phallus. It's a lesbian thing -- you wouldn't understand.

Ace, "Grave"

Cut to Xander chaining Spike up in the basement of Casa Summers. Dawn, Buffy, Wood, Giles, Willow, the UN Security council, three random passersby, and a small hedgehog are all in attendance. Okay, not really, but seriously. The number of people present for this is way unnecessary. Giles, Willow and Buffy will perform the spell. Xander, Dawn and Wood will distribute small snacks and throw Jujubes at Spike's head. ... Spike's mum tells him that he "needs a woman in [his] life." He replies that he does have a woman in his life. She is momentarily taken in, but then realizes that William has some really serious Oedipal issues. Victorian etiquette dictates that it would be in poor taste to mention this, so she pretends to be flattered. He promises to always look after her, but she has a coughing fit, hoping to die and escape her creepy son. Knowing that Spike's women-paragon obsession thing in which he defines himself and his moral center by the dominant female figure in his life started back when Spike was human, and has continued until the present day, really makes me realize how pathetic a creature he truly is. You'd think that after the first hundred years he might have self-actualized or something.

Sep, "Lies My Parents Told Me"

Let me amend that. It's a long, thick, snake-like demon with a head shaped just like a penis, that squeals at Buffy and then sprays liquid out of its mouth and onto her. Just think about that for a minute.

Ace, "Doublemeat Palace"

At the Pub the Chuckleheads are sitting around a table strewn with empty beer pitchers, randomly slapping and picking nits off of each other. One of them is trying to remove his shirt but gets his head stuck in it. I can sympathize with him. I've done that -- sober.

Sep, "Beer Bad"

Rack is creepy. Then about ten more anvils crash into my room, followed by a minor deluge of cow pies as we launch into a trippy-druggy sequence the likes of which has not been seen since The Trip and Psych-Out.

Ace, "Wrecked"

Willow is wearing what Ace called a poncho, but I think looks more like a tube with no armholes. If anyone remembers the commercial for the plastic device that enabled you to turn a crank and produce miles upon miles of useful and fashionable yarn tubing, well, it looks like that. Either that, or Willow took up knitting but hasn't figured out the secret to sleeves yet. Patrolling against vampires and other night-haunting demons with your arms bound to your sides by an acrylic strait-jacket doesn't seem like a wise move, but what do I know about fashion? Oh, that's right -- a lot more than Willow, obviously.

Sep, "Something Blue"

Suddenly, my TV screen fills up with a bunch of monkeys, all dressed up in platform sandals, cunning frocks, feather boas, and mascara. They form a menacing circle around Dawn. I think they're all guy monkeys, but y'know, it's a little hard to tell with the simians.

Ace, "Potential"

It's Cruella D'Will. Heh. That's why she flayed Warren last week. She's making a coat out of him. Man, how much cooler would this episode be if Willow pranced around singing, 'See my vest! See my vest! It was once Warren's chest!' ... This is a test of the Emergency Snorecast System. Everything operational.

Sep, "Two to Go"

Sunny Valley, Arizona Ace, a beautiful, brainy, and brilliant recapper for TWoP, that world-famous website and recipient of three Nobel Prizes for Internet Criticism, piloted her pink bubble-shaped hovercraft to the landing strip on the roof of her lux penthouse apartment. Slim and clad entirely in her everyday garb of form-fitting leather, she headed quickly to her Operations Control room, stopping only to scratch the chin of her almost-sentient leopard, Francesca. "Follow me, little one," Ace purred to her feline companion, "for tonight we view a new Buffy!" In Operations Control, Ace flung her shapely form onto the low designer sofa and thumbed the remote to her wall-sized liquid television. As the episode progressed, Francesca began to pace the room in agitation, for she had never before seen her merry human companion in such distress. Ace's perfectly manicured nails caressed her flawless face as she murmured, "How will I recap an episode so sorely lacking in plot? An episode that consists mostly of Andrew's fantasies and stolen videotaped vignettes of the Scooby gang? Without a narrative structure to follow, at what point should I mention the disturbing basement sex of the un-reunited Xander and Anya, or the empty and unsatisfying riot occurring at Sunnydale High?" Finally, Ace knelt, and attractively wept into the silken tawny fur of Francesca, "I face my greatest challenge ever! Just as the tears of repentant Andrew closed the Seal of Danzig in the school basement forever, so do my hot tears of rage seal my unrepentant loathing of this season!" Los Angeles, CA The evil genius Jane Espenson cackled evilly as she polished her six-inch chrome stilettos and flipped her shiny titian hair. Whirling menacingly in her secret headquarters beneath Reseda, she flipped open her tiny red Mobicom and hit speed-dial. Upon hearing a voice on the other end of the line, Jane leered and snapped out, "Hello, Joss? I think we've broken Ace already. The tears are the beginning of the end. That'll teach her to complain about Andrew's poor grasp on reality!"

Ace, "Storyteller" recaplet

The Knights are gonna get the Key, toniiiight! The Scoobies drive a big RV, toniiiight! This year, the minutes seemed like hours The arc progressed so slowly And still no end in siiiight!

Sep, "Spiral" recaplet

Xander gets snide about what a "simple" decision this must be for Buffy and then leaps up, snarling, "You know, if there's a mass-murdering demon that you're, oh, say, boning, then it's all gray area." Hee -- go Xander! I'm not really taking sides in this argument because I think both Buffy and Xander are both right and wrong here, but I really think it needed to be said that Buffy totally put aside all her Slayer standards in order ride Spike's man-pole, and she's never really admitted that to or faced it as far as I can tell. She's mumbled about how it was bad for her, but never seemed to realize what a betrayal of her calling it was. Buffy wins The Lame Comeback Of The Century Award when her only reply is that Spike is "harmless." Harmless except for the whole part where he could and did harm you, Buffy. Nice self-preservation instincts there, honey. Let's kill Anya because she could hurt men. Let's not kill Spike because he can only hurt Buffy. Uh, where was I?

Ace, "Selfless"

This whole Spike with Buffy thing? My fault. When Angel was on the show, I hated every second of him and his dazed "you can tell I have a soul because I look like I just walked into a tree" method of acting. (Angelus was a different story. A cooler story that didn't spend so much time whining and moping.) Then, when he left, it was like light pouring in through the heavens. I was excited. Happy. I had a new lease on life. I thought, "No matter what, Buffy's next boyfriend won't be so bad." Enter Riley. Riley with his potato nose, thinly-veiled chauvinism, and women issues. And so it was, until it came to pass that Riley endeth. And lo! Happiness reigned far and wide across the land (defined as my apartment), there was much rejoicing, and it was good. Again, I foolishly allowed myself to be confident that this had been the worst. Surely Buffy's next boyfriend...

Sep, "Two to Go"

ASH is really giving a killer performance here. I wonder how many takes it took for him to stop laughing. His singing sounds very soulful and I'm convinced it's his own voice, just very badly synched. Maybe the sound crew had to work overtime on all the Buffy/Riley moaning and ran out of time for the important things. Bad prioritization, guys. For a whole week following this episode, my poor cat is tortured by me following her around the house and bellowing, "No ooooone knows what it's liiiiike/Toooooo be the baaaad cat/Tooooo be the saaaad cat/Behind blue eeeeeyeees." I swear, one of these days she's going to lose her patience, pack her little kitty suitcase and leave. Well, at least I don't make her watch The Others with me anymore.

Ace, "Where the Wild Things Are"

Luke is chanting, "The Sleeper will wake and the world will bleed. Amen!" Because vampires are such religious creatures. Don't you remember that one heartwarming episode they had when they showed them all going to church? Sure, they wanted to eat the rest of the congregation, but as long as they're worshipping in Glen Oak with the Camdens I really don't have a problem with that.

Sep, "Welcome to the Hellmouth"

D'Hoffryn introduced himself, and Aud replies, "I am Aud." Hee. That's a funny pun. You know that saying that goes, "Puns are the lowest form of humor"? That always confused me. I mean, I wondered who decided that, and what the highest form of humor was, and why the phrase always seemed to be uttered only by the very humorless, who wouldn't seem qualified to judge. Anyway, this is 2002, and the saying is obviously obsolete. It comes from an older era. An era before the fart joke. Fart jokes are quite clearly the lowest form of humor, and I suggest that we petition the correct powers that be to have the saying updated for modern times. ["The lowest, and yet consistently the most reliable. Hee. Farts." -- Sars]

Ace, "Selfless"

Willow and Buffy walk up the steps to school, and Xander catches up with them. I'm sorry that I can't recap their conversation, but I'm sure you'll understand once I tell you about Xander's red and moldy green-gray sweater paired with brown and yellow plaid pants. As if that combination wasn't horrific enough on its own, Willow is wearing an orange and yellow striped fleece shirt. It's at times like this that I wish I were blind -- just like the wardrobe people.

Sep, "Passion"

Ace: "I don't know why Buffy was all surprised when Spike tried to kiss her. That's what you do at the end of a date and drinking, dinner, and pool all add up to a date." Sep: "It totally was a date. My last date ended exactly the same way. Someone threw a wad of cash at someone else, the words, 'You're beneath me' were uttered, and one of us was left crying alone in an alley." Ace: "You've got to be kidding me." Sep: "Actually I am. My last date ended with me threatening my beau with a spork."

Ace and Sep, "Fool for Love"

0 notes