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kozumekenza · 3 years

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Saudade: 1.5 The King

Kageyama x Reader Social Media AU

Status: ongoing

TW: swearing, might be some nsfw jokes!

masterlist for this smau here!

playlist!

saudade: a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”

Y/N Oikawa, Toru Oikawa’s baby sister, manager of the Aoba Johsai Volleyball Club, stand-in libero, spiker, blocker, setter, and Tobio “The King of the Court” Kageyama’s former best friend. After Kageyama replaces your childhood friendship with volleyball, you vow to forget all about him. However, you forget three very important things: 1.) You won’t be able to avoid Kageyama forever 2.) Kageyama wants you back in his life and 3.) Tobio Kageyama will do anything to get what he wants.

thinking about starting a tag list, let me know if you’d like to be added! :)

also! all written part yayay

You had always known that Kageyama was incredibly special. You could remember all the way back in elementary school, when you were his only friend, because everyone else deemed him “too scary” or “too serious”. You could remember practicing volleyball with him and Toru for hours on end, until your mother finally called you in because it was getting late and dark. You could remember Toru and Kageyama coming home from middle school practice together, bragging about who was the better setter and whose serves improved more. You could remember childhood summers spent on the grassy hill behind your house, when just you and Kageyama would lay on the grass and talk about anything and everything. But the one thing you could remember better than anything else was when he pushed you to the side.

You started to feel the rift in middle school. You always knew that volleyball was his first priority, but you always thought you would be second, or at least third. Kageyama started to spend more and more time with Toru, which was fine with you. He still made time to practice and hang out with you. You tagged along to practices when they needed an extra player. You spent long hours with both your brother and Kageyama, either watching them or joining their practice. But things started to go downhill when your brother entered high school.

Kageyama became incredibly dedicated to volleyball, even more so than Toru was. You still showed up to practices occasionally, and the coaches were more than happy to have you, but Kageyama barely acknowledged you. You figured it was probably due to his focus on training, and you shrugged it off. You still hung out outside of school and practice, but not as much as you used too. After the third time Kageyama didn’t show up to a planned hang out, you decided to go over to his house. You found him in his room, watching volleyball plays. When he asked why you were there, you had to remind him of your plan to catch a movie that day. He apologized profusely and promised it would never happen again, he was just so focused on volleyball.

Things were great for a few weeks. You spent more time together, he never forgot plans, and he always brought you your favorite yogurt at lunch. He became more distant again as the middle school volleyball tournament approached, but again, you chalked it up to extra training and practice. You tried to help him practice as much as you could, and it was one of these practices that ended up being the final straw in your friendship.

The middle school tournament was only a week away, and Tobio could not keep his cool. He was constantly fidgeting, always practicing, and when he did show up to class, he always had a volleyball in hand. You were extremely worried about him. He hadn’t been sleeping and hadn’t been eating. Every spare moment was spent practicing. You went over to his house every single afternoon to help him practice. When you arrived today, however, he had already started. You threw your school bag to the ground and jogged to the backyard to help him. “What do you wanna work on today, Tobio?” you questioned. “Can you spike some of these sets for me? I wanna make sure I’m setting to the right point,” he replied, never taking his eyes off the ball. You mumbled a reply, tired from a long day at school. You began to spike his sets, but you just couldn’t jump as high as you normally could. You apologized for the tenth time, after missing yet another one. “I don’t know what my deal is, my legs must be tired today.” “Just try to jump higher,” he replied, rolling his eyes. You shook your legs out and tried again, missing. “What the hell is your problem? I’m not setting any differently, so why is it you can’t hit any of my sets?” “I told you, I’m tired,” you said, rolling your eyes at his outburst. “Don’t roll your eyes, if you’re going to practice with me then I expect you to be at your best. Don’t even bother showing up if you’re not going to give it your all.” Tears started to form in your eyes. “I am trying my best, I’m just tired today. I was up late practicing with you last night and I’m just tired.” “Go home if you’re tired. There’s no point in having you here if you’re not going to jump high enough to spike the ball. Stop with the ‘I’m trying’ bullshit and just go home. I don’t need to practice with someone who can’t even jump. I’m better off just practicing on my own.” Tears were streaming down your face now. “Fine. I will go home. Call me when you’re acting like my best friend again and not some asshole.” You started to turn to leave. “My best friend? Are you crazy? I expect my best friend to be actually halfway decent at volleyball, idiot. Just because we spent a lot of time together as kids doesn’t mean we’re best friends. Have you ever thought of why I spent so much time with you?” You turned to face him, waiting. “It’s cause your brother’s Oikawa. I needed him to like me and help me with my serves. I never once gave a shit about you.” You were nearly sobbing at this point. “Fine, Kageyama. Just leave me alone. I’m leaving.” You turned yet again, picking up your school bag and heading towards your house. You ran to the end of his street and took a deep breath. You were still crying, you needed to calm down, it was going to be fine, he probably didn’t mean any of it. You began to start walking again when you heard him. “Y/n! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! I’m just frustrated!” “Just leave me alone, Kageyama!” He was running down the street towards you. You knew you weren’t as fast as him, so you ran a little and then hid behind a bush. You did not want to see him. After a half hour spent silently crying and hoping he wouldn’t find you, you finally came out and began the short walk towards your house. Toru was the first one to see you, and let you explain while you cried into his chest. He was incredibly angry, but not surprised. He had noticed a change in Kageyama as well. He assured you that Kageyama didn’t mean it, and if he did, you were better off without him. You both decided that it would be best for Kageyama to contact you first, when he was ready to talk to you. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to you, Kageyama made the same decision.

You haven’t talked to Kageyama since that day. You vowed to focus on your own progress at school and getting into Aoba Johsai. You didn’t show up to another middle school volleyball practice, and instead tagged along to high school ones with Toru. His teammates and coaches all loved you, and were ecstatic when you agreed to be their manager your first year. You started to slowly forget about Kageyama, and you never brought him up in conversation with anyone else.

The times when it hurt most, you thought, was when you would climb up the grassy hill in your backyard and reminisce on your childhood. You had a lot of good times with Kageyama, that was true, but they were all overshadowed by the memory of your friendship falling apart.

You thought about how things might be different if you had never fallen out with him. You could have gone to the same high school as him and managed his volleyball team. You could have helped him go to Nationals. You could have helped him get scouted and pick a professional team. You could have cheered on his professional games and traveled the world with him. Your mind was constantly filled with thoughts about what could have been, if you still had Kageyama in your life.

You had always known that Tobio Kageyama would go incredibly far in life. You just never thought that you wouldn’t be a part of it.

1.0 Karasuno? - 1.5 The King (w) - 2.0 F In The Chat

saudade masterlist!

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alindakb · 3 years

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Silent Tears - Chapter 1.5 - by Alinda

The potion is grey and looks like it's off. Draco picks up the bottle with shaking hands. He knows he has to take it, that it’s for the best. But that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier. Once he takes this, it’s all over. There will be no way back.

“If you’re not sure, we can wait,” Harry says. He sits on the bed next to Draco, his hand resting on Draco’s back. “You don’t have to do this today.”

Draco nods and takes a deep breath. “I think I need to,” he says. Without thinking about it, he lifts the bottle to his mouth and swallows the contents. “Fuck, they could have made it taste a little nicer,” he comments. Harry doesn’t respond. Draco looks at him. A tear travels slowly from the corner of Harry’s eye down his cheek. It hangs at his chin for a couple of seconds before it falls. When another tear escapes Harry’s eye, Draco lifts his hand to wipe it from his cheek. Harry turns to look at Draco, and he tries to smile.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Draco shakes his head. “Don’t apologise. I know this hurts,” he says.

Harry leans forward and kisses Draco. “I love you,” he tells Draco.

“I love you too,” Draco answers. They rest their foreheads against each other. If all goes well, this nightmare will be over soon. And then maybe they can get back to some kind of normal.

“How long do you think it will take before it starts working?” Draco asks.

Harry sits up a little straighter and shakes his head. “You didn’t listen to one-word healer Burke said yesterday, did you?”

“Not really, I’m sorry. I know I’m useless lately.”

“Don’t. It’s okay. She said it would take a couple of hours to take effect. You will get cramps that can be pretty painful, that’s why she also prescribed the pain potions,” Harry explains.

“I won’t take them,” Draco says. “I can’t.”

“I know,” Harry answers. He looks away, and Draco knows he’s scared. Healer Burke is aware of Draco’s past, and still, she prescribed the stupid things. It only means today is going to be hell for Draco, and for Harry, who will have to watch helplessly.

After some time they get up from the bed and make their way downstairs and start a movie on the television. Draco has no idea what it is about. His mind is blank, and all he can focus on is Harry laying against his chest. When the movie comes to a close, Draco feels sick. His stomach hurts, and he knows it’s starting. The first cramps are manageable and just annoying. But it doesn’t stay that way. Within a half-hour, Draco lays on the sofa with a pillow pushed against his stomach. He screams in pain with every cramp. Harry sits in front of the couch, one hand holds onto Draco’s hand, the other hand keeps sliding Draco’s hair from his face.

“How long is this going to last,” Draco asks between cramps.

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” Harry answers.

“It hurts. I didn’t expect it to hurt this bad.”

Harry places a kiss on Draco’s forehead. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I could help, could make it easier, but I don’t know how.” He sounds just as desperate as Draco feels. “I’ll call Hermione, see if she knows anything that might help.”

Draco nods and then is consumed again with pain. He squeezes Harry’s hand. It’s a miracle that he hasn’t crushed it yet. It must hurt, but Harry doesn’t complain.

“I’m glad you’re here with me,” Draco tells Harry. Harry pulls his phone from his pocket. Draco doesn’t listen to his conversation with Hermione. He’s consumed with pain again. He just wants it all to stop. Why does this have to hurt so much? Isn’t it enough that he has to poop out his dead baby, does it have to be this painful. How do women survive to get periods each month? Are they as bad as this? Draco hopes for them they aren’t.

“Sweetheart, Hermione says a shower might help. She likes to take long hot showers when she struggles with menstruation pains. So if you want we can see if it helps.”

Draco confirms and he lets Harry help him up the stairs and into their bathroom. Between cramps, they both remove their clothing, and Harry turns on the water. Steam fills the bathroom, and for some seconds, the hot water feels nice. Until another cramp takes over Draco’s body and he falls against Harry. Harry’s arms are strong around his waist and hold him up for some time.

“I’ve got you,” Harry whispers in Draco’s ear. “We’ll get through this, I promise. You are so strong and brave. I love you.”

It helps a little to hear Harry say the words; it only doesn’t take the pain away. After some time they sit down on the shower floor, and Harry pulls Draco on his lap and holds him while Draco cries. The pain becomes worse with every cramp. Small tickles of blood flow from Draco, and he hopes that it will be over soon. He’s so tempted to go for the pain potions to relieve his pain, no matter the consequences. This pain is too much, too unbearable. It’s then that the first little jelly-like tissue leaves Draco’s body. For a moment Draco wonders if that is all, but the cramps don’t die down and he’s afraid it’s not over yet.

A soft knock on the bathroom door brings Draco and Harry back to the rest of the world. The bathroom door opens a little. “I’ve been by the cafeteria and got you guys some fish and chips. Hermione says greasy food always helps, so we decided to deliver some. I’ve left it on the kitchen counter under a stasis spell,” Ron tells them.

“Thank you, Ron,” Harry answers.

“I’ve got the afternoon off. So if you guys want I can stay.”

Draco shakes his head. He knows Ron means well, but he doesn’t want anyone to see him like this. It’s already hard enough to see the concern on Harry’s face all the time. He doesn’t think he can manage Ron’s pity next to that.

“No, it’s fine, Ron. You can go home. I’ll call if we need anything,” Harry tells him.

“Sure, no problem,” Ron answers. He closes the bathroom door and is gone by the time Harry and Draco leave the shower to go and eat the fish and chips. Draco takes small bites in between the cramps that paralyse him. He doesn’t finish all, but it’s nice to have a little food inside his body.

It isn’t long after that that Draco feels he needs to go to the toilet. A large bundle of tissue comes out of him. It’s gross and looks disgusting. But it’s a relieve. Instinctively Draco knows that this is it. The worst is over, and he survived. He cries tears, not from the physical pain this time, but from the emotional pain. His baby is gone now for real. It’s all over. He and Harry won’t become parents.

The bleeding doesn’t stop for another couple of days. Reminding Draco of what he lost every time he moves around and feels the blood tickle from his body. Harry makes the appointment for the check-up scan. They can come in the day before their trip to Greece. All is clear, Draco’s uterus is clean and whole. Healer Burke tells them not to give up that next time all will be better. Draco isn’t so sure about that, and he tells Harry he wants to stop trying for some time. Harry agrees and doesn’t complain when Draco picks up his birth control potion. They visit Teddy and Andromeda in the evening. Teddy tells them all about their trip to the coast and how much fun it was to build a sandcastle together with his grandma. Draco tells him he will miss him and that he looks forward to the week of holiday they have planned with Teddy once they return from Greece. By then Draco hopes to feel a little more like himself again.

#silent tears #drarry #hd hurtfest 2020 #miscarriage #mpreg #past potion addiction #AlindasStories #Draco Malfoy #Harry Potter

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sope-and-shine · 4 years

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Don’t Save Me, I’m Fine: Chapter 1.5

-> Pairings: Yoongi x OC // Hoseok x OC // OT7 x OC

-> Save Me! AU // Fluff // Angst

-> Word Count: 2.4K

-> Summary: After finally bringing all of them together and settling the loop once and for all, the boys find themselves creating a new chapter in their lives. They rekindle friendships, form new bonds, and try to start over again with the 7 of them all together again. Everything is fine until one day of fun turns into a day that just won’t seem to end. Friends need help, but what if they don’t want it?

-> -> Warning(s): Angst // Future mentions of death // Future mentions of suicide // Future mentions of blood, violence, and toxic relationships // Mild and vulgar language in future chapters // This story does continue where the Save Me webtoon left off, so there will be spoilers and our own interpretation of how things may have happened where the story doesn’t specify or how things may have progressed afterwords with our own characters. I do not recommend this story if any of these mentions could be harmful for you. I’d hate for someone to get into the story and then not finish if it becomes too much.

A/N: I told myself I would post this two weeks ago and then forgot. Wear a helmet kids!

Ever since high school, Ara and Justin were never apart. If you saw Ara, chances were Justin wasn’t far away. Everyone around school knew that they were meant to be. They were the couple everyone wanted to be, the perfect relationship. If relationship goals could have a picture representation, then you’d find a picture of Justin and Ara making the dumbest faces in the history of dumb faces.

“I can’t believe you!” Jin cries, pulling Ara along so they wouldn’t be late for school. Again.

“Well, you were rushing me out the house, Jin. Of course I forgot my lunch!” The small girl shoots back. “Besides, my bed was comfy this morning…”

“I got mine!”

“You also took two hours in the bathroom.” Ara sighs as Jin finally stops in front of the school. “No more running please.”

“It’s hard being this handsome.” Jin shoves his sister a little as she pretends to vomit in his bag.

“Morning, Jin. Morning, Jagi~” Justin walks over to the arguing siblings and kisses his girlfriend. He takes Ara’s school bag before holding up a lunch box. “Packed your favorite.”

He always knew just what she needed, when she needed it, or exactly what to say to make her calm down or feel like she was floating on air. He’s always been there, ready to take care of her even in the worst of times. Most notably when she tried to punch Taehyung, but he sidestepped her attack and she ended up fracturing her wrist from punching a locker instead. He’s always been the perfect gentleman, charming her family and friends without a problem.

Well… most of her friends.

“Maybe try a different octave.”

Yoongi pulls his pencil away as Ara leans over to point to the part she’s talking about. “Who’s the writer here?” He pokes her side and smiles at her giggles.

Ara puts up her hands and morphs her face into one of mock terror. “Sorry, Mr. Min. I won’t say anything else. Won’t you please forgive me?”

Yoongi turns back to the sheet music with a smug look on his face, “Hmm, I’ll think about it.”

Ara laughs as she throws her arms around Yoongi. He relishes in the feeling, but it’s gone all too quickly as Justin appears out of nowhere. “Hey Jagi. What are you two working on?”

Ara lets Justin pull her off Yoongi and gives her a kiss. Yoongi holds in a sigh as he tries not to glare at Justin for stealing Ara away for the millionth time. He watches as Justin steals all her attention and lets himself sink into self loathing.

“Oh yeah.” Yoongi tunes back in when he hears Ara’s voice turn back to him as she gives him an apologetic smile. “I have to go. Sorry, Yoongs.”

She tries to grab her things only to find Justin already has them. “Yeah, no problem.” Yoongi mumbles as he watches her leave, Justin’s arm automatically finding its home around her waist.

“God, it’s like looking at a kicked puppy.” Yoongi looks over as Jin and Namjoon sit down.

“Don’t you have anyone else to annoy?”

“What Jin means is she’s happy.” Namjoon says, shoving his friend for his remark. “Maybe you should move on and be happy too.”

“Sorry if I don’t find him to be the best thing in existence like the rest of you.”

Yoongi huffs and looks back down at the song he was just working on with Ara. Before she was stolen away. “You’re just jealous.”

The songwriter's gaze snaps up to his elder, only to find Jin already staring at him with annoyance. Yoongi grits his teeth and tries to calm down a bit before opening his mouth. “We never see her alone anymore.”

“Good.” Jin’s cheerful expression grows somber and defensive the way it sometimes does when they talk about his baby sister.

“Do you ever see her having her own time alone? Or with her friends for that matter? She can’t even carry her own things because he always has them.”

“So chivalry isn’t dead.” Namjoon shrugs, hoping his hyungs will just drop it.

“You just want to find something wrong with him so you can sweep her off her feet.” Jin mutters bitterly, “Just let her be happy.”

“I miss her.” Yoongi sighs, running a hand through his hair. He knows his brother doesn’t want to hurt him. But Ara is important to Jin, more than words can express. “I don’t see her anymore. Do you?”

Jin and Yoongi stare at each other. Jin knows he’s seen less and less of Ara, but he pushes his feelings aside because she’s finally happy. So he’ll protect what makes her happy, even from his own brother.

“We’re still young.” Namjoon says, hopping his words can diffuse the situation. “She just hasn’t found the balance in her social life yet.”

They sit in silence until the other boys join them. Yoongi stares at the song before shutting his notebook. Maybe it was time for him to move on.

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silkkpopbonnet · 5 years

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Teenager

After a horrible divorce Jaebum is left as a single father, life has taken its toll on him and sometimes he just wants to feel like young again. Love is hard to find, and when he does find it will it make him feel like a teenager again?

Jaebum looked down at his daughter’s soft curls and sighed. At 1.5 she was a picky little thing, and she was finally asleep after three books, something that his wife was supposed to be doing tonight. Not that he really cared, he felt like he was getting too old to be going out with the rest of the guys anyway. He was a married man with a daughter now. However; he kissed her little brown face and turned on her unicorn night light as he left the door cracked.

Taking his cell phone out of his pocket, Jaebum texted his wife.

Where are you?

It took a minute for her to respond, and he almost hit the call button before she answered.

Working. I told you, another late night, please don’t be all behind me like that you know I hate that.

He knew she did, but Jesus another night? He groaned, sitting on the couch.

I was supposed to meet the guys tonight. Are you gonna be another hour or?

He could tell she was probably angry by the way the little bubbles disappeared then reappeared. Finally a nice, lengthy, and very annoyed text came back.

OMG, JB you saw them last week. I thought you liked being a daddy so much? You know how vital this promotion is to me. Just invite them over or something, I don’t care. Please let me get this done, I don’t want to have to worry about you and your hurt feelings.

Rude much? He read her text twice, deleting and writing again before deciding to just ignore her. She wanted space then fine.

Fine.

He smiled. Let her stew over that. Or not, she’d probably ignore him. It was like that a lot lately. Well, ever since she finished her masters and started working for that corporation she’d been so busy. She didn’t want to have kids, didn’t want any pets. Just him and her. Instead of him waiting around for her. He hated it, she used to be so carefree, she used to hug him more. They had sex more too now that he really thought about it.

He met Nia at a JYP party 6 years ago. He had stared at her practically all night before BamBam realized he knew the woman she was with. He had introduced them, and Jaebum was trying not to fall in love.

She was tall, maybe an inch shorter than him. Brown skin that glowed in the light, smooth like butter. Everything about her was perfect, from her ample bottom on those long legs, to the way she smiled at him with those full lips. She introduced herself confidently in Korean, her accent was adorable, and he was stumbling over his words. Their love was a whirlwind, they got married a year and a half later.

What happened?

Trying to push the memories away, he called Jinyoung to find out where everyone was. He could hear the rest of the guys with him.

“Hey, I can’t go out. Nia is still at work, and I don’t have a sitter. You guys want to come over?” He asked Jinyoung, as he looked through the cabinet for snacks.

Jinyoung groaned. “What? We planned this last week!”

Jaebum listened as Jinyoung explained what was going on to everyone else. Youngjae and Mark agreed to go to his house. BamBam and Yugyeom were upset.

“Tell them I’m sorry, I don’t have a sitter.” Jaebum remembered BamBam was there and quickly added, “And no, not some young girl BamBam knows, someone I trust.”

He heard a groan and then more talking. He knew they wanted to drink and dance. It was just getting so hard to coordinate with Nia now.

“It’s ok Jinyoung, tell them maybe next week-”

“No, hyung. We are coming over, we’ll bring drinks is that ok?”

Smiling, JB pulled the chips and cookies out he had. “Yea, please do.”

“See you in 20.”

Hanging up the phone, Jaebum looked down to see another text from Nia.

It’s going to be like this all week, so don’t wait up for me.

So no time for just them, no time to hang out with his friends. He ran upstairs to make sure Areum was still asleep. Thumb in her mouth she was sound asleep, and he walked back downstairs wondering when his family, would indeed be a family again.

“Nia, don’t walk away when I’m talking to you. You scared Areum, what the fuck is wrong with you, it’s just milk!” Jaebum was chasing after his wife up the stairs to their bedroom.

“It’s not just the milk!” Slamming the bathroom door closed, he could hear her curse behind the door. “Fuck!”

Dinner was going fine, Nia had laughed at something he said, she was even home early. He had just refilled Areum’s cup when the baby had knocked it over onto the floor. Nia flew off the handle, causing Areum to cry for Jaebum. She was so tense, everything was unraveling at the seams.

“Nia, listen. Calm down, then come downstairs and let’s finish dinner. Maybe..” He got close to the door, placing a hand on the wooden surface. “Maybe, when Areum goes to bed we can talk. We haven’t talked in a while, I’ll rub your feet?” Feeling confident, he tried the doorknob only to find it locked.

“No.” The only answer he received.

Knocking on the door, he responded. “No, to what exactly?”

As the door opened, Nia pushed past him and went into the closet. “No to all of it. No, to you touching me, being near me, no to her being near me. I just can’t deal with all this and you guys. I just need to leave.”

His mouth went dry, hands shaking slightly. For some reason, there was a strange ringing in his ears, and as Jaebum shook his head, he moved his tongue around in his mouth although it felt like lead.

“Being near me? Being near Areum?” He moved his feet slowly across the floor, to the closet where Nia was on her knees packing a suitcase.

“Yes.” She stopped long enough to look up at him. Her face devoid of emotion, no tears, no hesitation as she spoke her next words. “I don’t want to be here anymore Jaebum. I can’t, it’s bad enough you made me have a baby, this makes it harder.”

He knew he was breathing harder and faster than average. Jaebum knew he shouldn’t be as angry as he was and perhaps he should calm down, go downstairs and check on Areum. He should ignore what she said and just let her cool down. Instead, he allowed his emotions take control.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Slamming the door open to the closet. “Repeat what you said, real slow too and in English this time so I know you’re serious.”

She chuckled, standing up to straighten her suitcase. “We’ve been together four years, nearly five and you still have a hard time understanding English, don’t get cute.”

Gritting his teeth, he laughed to keep from cursing. “Wow. Ok, I’m pissed. Just to let you know and I’m trying to…what is wrong with you?”

“Everything!” She screamed. “I was doing great, I was doing fine, and then you came along and just…I was fine with that. I had things I wanted to do with my life Jaebum. It was my life, and I didn’t have to worry about anyone else. Then you just had to have a baby.”

“Her name is Areum! Areum Im! She’s our daughter for fuck’s sake Nia, I made you have her? If you didn’t want to get pregnant then maybe you should have stayed off my dick!” He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want her to see his tears. The child who sat downstairs listening to her parents yell and scream was flooding through his mind.

“Like you weren’t begging me?” Nia watched him walk out the room, chasing him. “Oh, so now you don’t want to have the conversation? Really? You begged me, you practically cried to have her. Now she’s here, and all I can think about is everything I can’t do.”

As Jaebum hit the bottom step, he looked into the dining room to see Areum smashing her rice around, kimchi on her head. He smiled to keep from screaming. He smiled at Areum to keep from turning around and crying in Nia’s face. Ignoring his wife, he walked over to his daughter and scooped the food off her head.

“Hey you, let’s have a bath.” Lifting the baby from the high chair.

Areum smiled at him, his eyes and mouth on her mother’s face. “Apa.”

Nia was standing there as he faced her. “So, that’s it? You’re done? I have what I want, and you still don’t have everything you need Nia? We are your family, I made a pledge to love and respect you, but I’m having a hard time even looking at you right now.”

She waved a hand at him dismissively. “In some way, you feel the same. How many years has it been since Got7 has done something? Damn, even EXO vocal line had a Christmas album.”

“Got7 will always be there! I have my fans sure, but my family is something different! I’d give up everything for Areum if I had to.” He scoffed. “Now I know you wouldn’t even think about doing that.”

Walking past her, Areum placed her face in the crook of Jaebum’s neck. The feeling of her fingers holding onto him softened him. Made him calm down a little, even if he had no one else, she was with him, and he’d always have her. He wouldn’t let Nia have her, though it was clear she didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby.

As he made it to the stairs, Nia spoke. “I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff in the morning. I’ll get you divorce papers by next Monday.”

3 Years Later

“Areum! Your toys are everywhere why?” Jaebum looked at his foot and the Monster High doll currently missing an arm.

Areum sprinted around the corner, smiling as she picked up her doll, popping its arm back on. “Apa, you broke it.”

“You fixed her, maybe don’t keep your stuff on the ground and that won’t happen.” He shook his head and pointed to the rest of the things scattered around the living room. “Uncle Jinyoung is coming today, clean up.”

“He’s grumpy. I like Uncle Jackson better.” Areum pursed her lips as she made the dolls legs march along the couch, ignoring her father’s orders to clean up.

Jaebum chuckled. “Don’t tell him that, he thinks he’s your favorite.” Picking up the toys himself, he began tossing them into a chest.

Areum turned towards her father, a bright smile on her face. “I tell all my uncles they are my favorite, then they buy me toys.”

Jaebum laughed out loud, as she picked up the remaining few toys. “You’re a scammer.”

“BamBam said sometimes you have to please people a little then they do what you want. He said that’s how he gets the ladies.” Areum shook her head matter of factly before grabbing the remote, sitting on the couch.

Jaebum nearly hit his head on a cabinet as he looked at his daughter. “I’m going to talk to BamBam.”

“He also said never trust a big butt and a smile.” Areum laughed. “Big butt.”

“Areum!” Jaebum had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. “That’s not nice for children to say. Don’t let me hear that again.”

The four and a half-year-old scrunched up her nose. “Fine…BamBam getting me in trouble.”

Scoffing, Jaebum shook his head and prepared himself some coffee. He knew everyone would probably be stopping by today. It had been 3 years since Nia had left and he was a single father. Nia hardly called, though she always sent a present on Areum’s birthday, Children’s Day, Easter and Christmas. Nia never had much to say to Jaebum, and somehow he knew it was for the best. The words she said, they still hurt his heart when he looked at his daughter.

Areum was a beautiful girl. Coily, dark hair that she liked to keep in a top knot on her head. She had so much hair now, it was more like a small bowling ball on her head. It had taken him a minute to do her hair correctly, but with the help of youtube and Youngjae’s girlfriend, he had it now.

She had his eyes and mouth, the rest of her face was Nia. Skin complexion in between theirs, she was sassy and sweet. She had a mean streak that Jaebum could thank Jinyoung for but; she was as kind and caring as Youngjae. Jaebum sipped his coffee as he watched Areum sing along to her cartoons. She was a good baby too, as soon as Nia could she went back to work and left him with an infant.

It took Mark holding Areum on his chest and talking to her in his deep voice, and that got her to sleep. As she got older, fooling around with BamBam and Yugyeom was her favorite. Now, after trading scowls with Jinyoung, Jaebum followed the two as they went to the store or mall and listened as they gossipped about the people around them.

He had a good life, it was peaceful. Jaebum and Areum. Although singing and producing tracks was still his passion, he had a daughter to fit into that schedule now, and he made it work. He took Areum to the studio, he made a place for her there and let her do what she wanted. He took her to meet clients, and she even put in her influence on some of the things he was working on. Right, he didn’t go out as much as he used to, and yea Jaebum had no interest in any woman, but…he was a father. That was his priority. Priorities, you had to have them straight, and he’d be damned if he was like Nia.

It still rocked his mind how she left like that. Just up and went, like she was never here. He remembered how he watched her gather her things the next day. She never looked at him, didn’t even kiss Areum goodbye. He cried that night like he never had before, a strong in your chest, a snotty cry that gave him a headache.

He thought she loved him. He had thought that she was just going through some stress and she’d come back and love him like she did before. She didn’t though and still hurt. A raw feeling in his body whenever he opened his nightstand and pulled out her picture. He spent a lot of time listening to Sza and Frank Ocean then. Spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make her love him, sending texts that were never answered, calling her and only getting voicemail.

He had hoped that who she was when they met was who she always going to be because he was happy then. Maybe he was too blind to see that she was unhappy and using him as a band-aid for something that was too deep inside her to be fixed.

“Apa!!!!!!” Areum screamed his name, and Jaebum jumped up looking at her.

“Yes?” His heart was beating fast in panic as he realized he had drifted off in thought.

“Uncle Jinyoung is at the door, he’s been ringing the bell, can’t you hear?” She continued to jump around, listening to an old Twice song.

“Yea baby.” Getting up, he walked to the front door.

“About damn time.” Jinyoung moved past him, shaking the snow that lingered on his coat. “It’s cold in your hall, building manager needs to turn the heat on.”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “It’s a building thing, the halls remain a good 55 for some reason.”

“Well, it’s dumb. How you feeling?” Jinyoung handed him a small bag, moving a package around in his arms.

Jaebum gave his friend a small smile. “I’m fine. Mark called me this morning, you guys really have to stop this.”

“Checking on you?” Jinyoung removed his shoes and walked down the hall behind Jaebum. “You know we won’t, you’re still hurting. Anyone can see that. She fucked you up bad, which is why I’m here to tell you we are going out tonight.”

Jaebum turned around, holding out a hand to stop Jinyoung. “Whose idea is this?”

Jinyoung sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Youngjae, now can I see my niece?”

“No.” Jaebum stopped him again as Jinyoung tried to side-step him. “Who?”

Trying to keep his voice quiet Jinyoung scowled. “All of us! We all think it’s good for you Bummie. Look at yourself!” Scoffing, Jinyoung pushed Jaebum to one side and smiled at Areum. “Who’s my girl?”

“I am!” Areum ran to Jinyoung, hugging his legs as he leaned down to kiss her head. “Is this a present for me? It’s not Christmas yet!”

“No, but I love you, so I bought you something.” Handing her the purple foil wrapped box, Jinyoung patted the couch next to him. “Open it.”

As Areum opened the gift, Jinyoung turned to Jaebum. “Make me some coffee hyung? Then we can talk.”

The two laughed and talked for a bit, Jinyoung asking Areum why she chose to pair her plaid leggings with that checkered top. When the girl answered couture Jinyoung, was taken aback.

“Ok, fine. I just don’t think the pattern goes well together.” He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest.

Areum sat her new doll to one side, to pick up the little doctors kit it came with. She side eyed Jinyoung as she answered. “What you think and know are two different things.”

“Well excuse me!” Jinyoung answered her with a loud laugh. As he walked over to Jaebum, he sat down, sliding his coffee mug over towards him. “Seriously, when she’s old enough I’m gonna fight your kid.”

Shaking his head, Jaebum smiled. “You taught her.”

“Don’t remind me.” Sipping his coffee, Jinyoung knew how the conversation was gonna go. “You aren’t yourself, and you haven’t been since she left. If you want me to be honest, and yes I am, when she got pregnant with Areum.”

Jaebum didn’t want to have this conversation, Mark had tried to, and he had ended up making their quietest member yell at him. “Jinyoung…I don’t want to.”

Gritting his teeth, Jinyoung continued. “I don’t care. Someone is going, to be honest with you and why not the person you’ve known the longest?”

“That’s not the point.” It was a sensitive subject, is what Jaebum wanted to say, but he didn’t want anyone to see him break down over Nia. See him as less of a man if he cried.

“Jaebum.” Dropping honorifics, Jinyoung tapped on Jaebum’s hand to get his attention. “She never really loved you, not how you loved her. Ok, that’s over, Nia is gone. She won’t apologize, she’s too haughty for that. She is not coming back, and you need to move on.”

Clenching his fists, Jaebum turned from his best friend. “Shut up.”

“Get rude, do what you have to, but it’s the truth. You’re a shell of who you were.” Finishing his coffee, Jinyoung continued. “Stop this. You’re coming out with us tonight, you’re going to have a good time, and eventually, someone will love you and Areum like you need to be. Until then, at least try…”

“Try to do what!” Struggling to keep his voice down, Jaebum picked up Jinyoung’s cup to fill it. He needed to move, he needed to walk around and hopefully, the distraction would cause Jinyoung to stop talking. To stop poking at the fresh wound that was still in his heart. “You guys say, move on. You say get dressed, let’s go out but I can’t. I loved her, does no one understand that? I loved her with everything I had. I made it work, culture differences and..” Jaebum ran his hands through his thick, midnight dyed hair.

Getting up, Jinyoung watched as his leader slumped over on the counter. He listened as Jaebum tried to calm his breathing and choke back on the tears that Jinyoung knew he was trying to keep at bay. “We know. I know. More than anyone, I know how you felt about her. That doesn’t change anything.”

“Maybe…if I give her more time.” Sitting up Jaebum wiped at the corners of his eyes.

“No. Nia doesn’t need any, because…I’m not going into this.” Looking into Jaebum’s eyes, Jinyoung pointed at Areum. “Do it for her. Don’t you think that Areum knows? She knows she has an absent mother, you know what she told Youngjae last week? She said she heard you crying in the bathroom, and Areum wondered if she had a mommy to love you, would you stop crying at night?”

Jaebum looked over at his daughter. He thought she was asleep, how much did she know? Touching at the stubble on his face, he looked at Jinyoung. “What else did she say?”

“Nothing. Please, just go out. Do something…” Jinyoung knew Jaebum wasn’t big on hugs, but he knew pain. He had experienced his own heartbreak. He knew how it felt to have loved, and watch it leave you. Breaking the unspoken rule, he pulled Jaebum into a hug. “We miss you, we miss the fun Jaebum, we missed when you were free.”

He knew it was time. Wrapping his arms around his friend, Jaebum squeezed him back. Nia wasn’t going to come back, and nothing was the same. He had built a wall around his heart and just threw himself into work and Areum.

“Fine. I’ll call the sitter.”

That night Jaebum looked at himself in the mirror as he fixed the collar on his black button-up.

“You look handsome Apa.” Areum stepped into the room wearing her unicorn pajamas.

“Thank you, baby, do me a favor tonight?” Jaebum turned towards her, as he walked into the bathroom to spray on cologne.

“Don’t call you while I’m hiding from the babysitter?” Areum’s grin was downright devilish.

“That.” Jaebum rubbed some lotion on his hands. “I need you to be a good girl, and sleep, when you wake up in the morning, I’ll be here.”

“Of course you will, you don’t pick up ladies like Yugy.” Areum smiled as Jaebum stared at her in the mirror.

“What?” He knew he heard her, but he was making sure.

“BamBam said that Yugy does that, he changes women like he changes his underwear.” She giggled. “I change mine every day.”

“Areum.” JAebum let out a heavy sigh. “I’m going to kill BamBam.” Closing the bathroom door behind him, Jaebum sat on the edge of his bed and pulled his daughter close to him. “You hear me cry sometimes?”

Areum grew quiet, she snuggled into her father’s side and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Yes, I’m sorry I told.”

“No.” Jaebum hugged her back, he buried his nose in her coily hair and took a deep breath. “It’s fine, I won’t cry anymore either.”

“You can cry if you’re sad Apa, why don’t you tell mommy you’re sad?” Areum moved her face to look up at her father.

Jaebum swallowed hard. “Mommy doesn’t want to hear that. So, I don’t tell her because it won’t help.”

Areum stayed quiet for awhile, she seemed to be thinking, her almond-shaped eyes staring at her father. “Why did mommy leave?”

He knew it was going to come one day. He knew he’d have to prepare for it, but he wasn’t sure how exactly. One day maybe she would see the truth. “Mommy was overwhelmed with everything, mostly me. She was just unhappy, and she is happier by herself. I suppose some people are like that.”

“She was happier without us?” Not missing a beat, Areum waiting for an answer.

“Yes.” Jaebum choked on the lump in his throat.

“So now, you’ll have to find a new wife?” Areum lets go of her father, she hopped down from the bed and grabbed a tissue from his nightstand.

Dabbing at Jaebum’s eyes, he tried to smile as she mostly wiped his cheek. “I don’t have to.”

“Maybe you should, everyone needs someone to love. BamBam said that too.” She kissed her father’s cheek, patting it.

“At least in that aspect BamBam is right. Now come on, the sitter will be here soon, and it’s time for bed.”

It was louder than Jaebum remembered in this club. Darker and hotter as well. Beyonce’s formation was playing, and as soon as BamBam came through the door, he and Yugyeom hit the dance floor. Shaking his head, Youngjae wrapped his arm around his girlfriend and followed Mark as he leads them to a secluded table in VIP.

“You mix that negro with that Creole make a Texas bama!!!” Youngjae’s girlfriend, Ava cried out as she danced around Youngjae.

He smiled at her, holding her hand, before placing one hand on her waist as she began to dance on him. Jaebum raised an eyebrow at the couple, wondering when Youngjae came out of his shell as he watched them.

“I like Ava, she makes Youngjae smile,” Jackson commented as he slid next to Jaebum.

“She’s good for him,” Mark added, waving a waitress over.

They watched as Ava lead Youngjae to the dance floor, he was confidently holding his own. Watching as the music changed to something with more bass. Jaebum grinned as Ava bent over in front of Youngjae, bouncing her ass on him, with Youngjae moving his hips to the beat.

“So, as they make a baby on the floor, we can watch BamBam and Yugyeom move like sharks through the water as they find some women.” Mark chuckled, as he sat back and waited for Jackson to say something.

“Don’t be a hater, Mark,” Jackson added right on time. “They have game, you have none and sit there scowling like an old man.”

“I get girls, they just don’t get me.” Mark sat up as the waitress came back with drinks, taking his own.

“So says the man who hasn’t had a steady girlfriend in two years.” Jinyoung retorted.

Mark downed his shot, pouring another. “Like I said, I get girls, they don’t get me.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s just have fun.” Jaebum took a shot offered by Mark, and downed it, coughing after the burn. “Damn.”

“So then let’s dance, let’s mingle.” Jackson stood up, running his hands over his mesh shirt under his jacket. “I bought this shirt to show off for someone who might be special, not Y'all.”

Laughing, Jaebum took another shot. “I might need a few more drinks first.”

“Fine.” Jackson pointed at Mark. “Wingman?”

“Wingman.” Mark grasped Jaebum’s shoulder. “Loosen up and let me see you out there, it’s nice to see you relax finally.”

Nodding at him, Jaebum ordered more drinks and turned towards Jinyoung. “So, I’m here, happy now?”

“Not quite.” Jinyoung put his phone down and scanned the room, before looking back at Jaebum. “How would you feel about being set up on a date?”

Jaebum slid his hand down his face. “Please don’t tell me you invited someone here.”

“No. Sunday, you can meet her. She’s international since that seems to be your thing.” Jinyoung poured a shot of Souju and groaned.

“Depends on what you mean by that.” Jaebum eyed, Jinyoung as he drank as well.

“She’s an American.” Jinyoung watched as a pair of women walked by the table, one plainly eyeing him.

“That tells me nothing.” Ignoring the woman’s friend who was looking at him, Jaebum continued to drink.

“You’ll see, that’s why I like America. I say American, and you don’t know who to think. I say China, and you know. I say Japan, and you know.”

“Is it code word for she’s black? I don’t like someone based on color, Nia was a black woman, yes, but that’s not why I liked her.” Jaebum felt himself getting irritated if that was the case.

“Calm down. No. I just meant you like international women. Nothing else, Jesus, calm down.” Jinyoung passed him a bottle of water. “Drink this, you’ve had 6 shots in 10 minutes.”

“I’m fine.” Jaebum pushed the bottle away. “I’m having fun remember?”

“It won’t be fun tomorrow.” Standing up Jinyoung finished one more shot. “Let’s go see what the others are doing.”

As they moved through the crowd, they watched as Youngjae and Ava made their way back to the table. BamBam was currently whispering something in a woman’s ear that made her smile. Yugyeom was holding a woman close to him on the dance floor. His hand on the small of her back as he pressed her body into his. Mark and Jackson were standing off to one side, laughing with a small group of men and women. Jaebum looked around at the people passing him and near him. It seemed like everyone was so young, but then again he couldn’t talk much. Mark was older than he was.

An old EXO song was playing now, one that he liked and as he bobbed his head to the music, he looked to the right. Either he was drunk, or something was messing with his head because the crowd seemed to part a little at just the right moment. Through the light smoke haze, he saw her. Standing there, with a smile on her face as she danced in the little group with her friends. A fitted black dress on that accentuated all the right places, her heels the brightest things she had on. Their electric blue color, making his eyes strain.

She was just there, and there was nothing else. The sounds became muffled, and everything seemed to slow down. Jaebum was never one for love, at first sight, lust yea sure but come on. No one was that…gorgeous. No one could be that perfect and not realize the effect she had on everyone in the room. Was she looking at him, her lip curled up into a smile, as she put her hands up and continued to sway.

The crowd milled around, and then she was gone. Jaebum panicked, trying to look over peoples head as he made his way over to her. She had left that area, and he turned around scanning the crowd, he just wanted to look at her up close, maybe know her name. Something, anything. Spotting Jinyoung, he made his way over to him.

“Did you see..”

“How could I not? You were practically drooling, you stood there so long you probably creeped her out.” Grabbing Jaebum’s shoulders, Jinyoung turned him towards the bar. “That way.”

Then she was back in his vision, drink in her hand as she stuck her tongue out and laughed. “Maybe I shouldn’t.” Confidence lacking, now as he took a step back. Jaebum looked back at Jinyoung, who shook his head.

“Go, or I’ll go over there and embarrass you.” Giving Jaebum an easy push, Jinyoung walked away from him to make his way back to the table.

It was simple right? He was so out of practice. Just go over there, say hello, introduce himself and ask her if she wanted to dance. Maybe buy her another drink since was almost done with the one in her hand. His heart was in his throat, as he finally neared the bar. Enough that she looked up at him, she grinned and turned back to her friend as Jaebum finally stood in front of her.

They stared at each other for a while, before she shifted uncomfortably on her feet. “If you stare any longer, I’m going to have to charge you.”

“I’ll pay.” Jaebum smiled, holding out his hand to her. “Jaebum, and you are?”

She slid her hand into his, and he gripped it tight pulling her closer so he could kiss her knuckles. She smiled wide, her friends ohh’ing as Jaebum let her hand go. “Amina.”

He listened to the deep cadence of her voice, slightly raspy, he liked it. “Amina, do you want to dance?”

“She does.” One of her friends taking her empty glass as Jaebum took her hand once more leading her out to the dance floor.

Amina said nothing, merely smiling as Jaebum pulled her close to him, My Type by iKON began to play. He turned her around, so her back was to his chest. “How are you doing tonight?”

Amina laughed. “That’s the conversation we’re going to have now?”

Jaebum turned her around, one hand on her back, the other holding her hand tight in his. “Can’t I ask how you’re doing? Isn’t that the polite thing to do?”

“Yea, I’m fine, and you?” Amina lets go of his hand to dance in front of him by herself.

“Doing better, I wasn’t sure about this place at first, but I think I’m warming up to the idea.” He came closer to her, placing his hands on her waist doing a slow grind behind her.

“Why is that? I’ve been here a few times the music mix is always good.” She pressed her body closer to his, lifting her arm, so it was behind his neck.

“Didn’t see anyone that caught my eye, friends dragged me out here, but now I see you so…” He let his words linger, definitely realizing that alcohol was making him more confident that what he really was.

Amina laughed, letting go of him so she could wrap her arms around his neck as the song transitioned. “Aren’t you smooth?”

“It’s the soju.” Jaebum grinned and leaned down so that he could rub his lips along her jaw. “You want to go sit down and talk?”

Nodding her head, she let him take the lead, going back to the table where Mark and Jinyoung sat looking at something on Mark’s phone. The looks of surprise on their faces went away quickly as Jaebum motioned them not to say anything.

“Hello.” Amina waved at the two, reaching out her hand. “I’m Amina.”

“Mark.” The first to take her hand, he smiled at her and nodded his head at Jaebum.

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow as he took her hand. “Jinyoung, do you guys want to be alone?”

“No, it’s-”

“Yes.” Jaebum cut her off. “If you don’t mind.”

Amina shook her head. “Y’all can stay, if Jaebum wanted to talk to me alone, he could ask me on a real date.” She looked pointedly back at Jaebum, crossing her legs under the table.

“How do you know I wasn’t going to?” Jaebum asked, and Jinyoung nudged Mark as he watched the exchange.

Licking her lips slowly, Amina grinned at him. “I figure you’d have brought that up already.”

“So, Amina where are you from?” Mark interrupted as he looked at her.

“San Francisco.” She answered, sliding closer to Jaebum.

Sitting up a little, Mark answered. “Oh, that’s whats up. I’m from LA. What brings you to Seoul?”

“Shouldn’t Jaebum be asking her these questions?” Jinyoung pushed a drink in front of Mark. “Show me that girl again.”

Amina laughed and turned back to Jaebum. “So, are you from Korea?”

“Yes, native Korean if that’s what you’re wondering. Why are you in Seoul though?” He draped an arm over the back of where she sat, as he moved his position Jaebum realized he was drunk. The room wasn’t shifting, but it was sweltering, and his face hurt from smiling so much.

“Business opportunities. I’m a MUA, makeup artist and the company I am working with had opportunities here. I thought why not.” She let her hand fall on his thigh. “I’ve been here for four months now.”

“Do you like it?” He hoped she did, he wished that he could see her tomorrow, and the day after and that she just wasn’t interested in him for tonight.

“I do. I think my Korean is getting better.” She moved her tongue over her nude painted lips, letting her hand slide up his chest. “Tell me something Jaebum, why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

He wanted to, nothing was holding him back even though he knew Jinyoung and Mark were watching his every move. “I’m interested in getting to know you outside of tonight.”

Moving away from him, Amina moved her legs over Jaebum’s until she was sitting sideways on his lap. “Good because I have to go, work in the morning, where’s your phone?”

Startled, Jaebum tried to calm himself down he didn’t want to give himself away too much, and he shifted her on his lap as he pulled out his phone. “Can I put mine in yours?” She pulled her phone out from her bra and handed it to him.

Handing her phone back, Amina slid off his lap as her friends came up to the table. “Perhaps, I’ll hear from you soon?”

She didn’t give him time to answer as she started walking away, impulse reacted in Jaebum, he reached out taking her wrist pulling her back to him. One kiss, that was it. Pressing his lips against hers chastely, he let her go.

Amina covered her mouth as her friends laughed shuffling her towards the door.

“Well, I think you’ve had enough adventure for tonight.” Jinyoung interrupted Jaebum’s reverie.

“Naw, he just needs to get it wet one time, and he’ll be better.” Mark laughed before Jinyoung punched his arm. “Are you going to call her?”

As the rest of the crew came back to the table, BamBam saw the interaction and clapped his hyung on the back. “I saw that. You have to wait at least 2 days before you call. You don’t want to look desperate.”

“No, he doesn’t. They like it when you call the next day. Don’t text.” Yugyeom added.

“Or he can do what he wants because Jaebum is a grown man and he is capable of talking to women on his own.” Ava retorted as she sat down on Youngjae’s lap.

“Thank you, Ava.” Jaebum smiled at her. “I do know I am drunk, and I won’t be as bold tomorrow, so perhaps…I should go home.”

“Yea, we’ll share a cab with you,” Youngjae replied.

The ride home wasn’t long, and Jaebum mostly stared out the window as Ava whispered in Youngjae’s ear, rubbing his hand on her thigh. He smiled at how they were together. She was bolder than Youngjae, but it made him more open as well. As Jaebum got out of the cab to pay his half, he wished them goodnight. The crisp, winter air made him pull his jacket closer to him as he entered the code for his building.

Winter was indeed upon them, and he stumbled on his feet a little, burping. The taste of soju was sharp in his mouth, and he placed a hand on his stomach hoping he didn’t vomit. As he opened the door, the babysitter sat on the couch thumbing through a magazine.

“Thank you HaEun, you can stay the night if you want. I’ll pay you extra, there’s a spare room near Areum’s.” The girl stood up giving a bow.

“It’s ok, I can take a cab.” She placed the magazine down. “Areum was asleep the whole time. She got up for a drink, but she went back to sleep after.”

“Thank you for watching her. Stay inside until it comes and I’ll walk you down then.” He answered her, going to the kitchen for water. Jinyoung was right, he should have drunk some while he was there. He finished two bottles before the cab came, feeling a little better he walked HaEun to the taxi and paid the fare.

Back in the apartment, he took a deep breath and made his way to Areum’s room. The room bathed in a soft pink glow, he spied her laying halfway on her bed. She always slept weird, and he adjusted her body kissing her cheek. Pulling the covers over her once more, he left the door cracked and went to his own room.

As he got ready for bed, he took out his phone and stared at Amina’s phone number. He didn’t know when he would call her and half of him wanted to tomorrow. Maybe the next day but he wasn’t sure. He did want to see her again, but he didn’t want to look desperate either. Plugging the phone in, he turned over in his bed and fell asleep.

Chapter Two

#got7 JB #JB #im jaeboem #jinyoung got7 #kpop for poc #kpop for black fans #teenager #7for7

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mediocrebutworking · 3 years

Text

A Friend of Childhood

It was a rainy night in January. The national examinations would come in several months. I felt the urge to study, but the cold from the heavy rain gave me no permission to touch my books. So I just lied on my bed while Cathy was entering my room. She wiggled her tail cheerfully. “Hi, Cathy,” I greeted her. She jumped on my bed and lied next to me. I stroked her fur softly and she purred. I smiled for seeing the overloaded cuteness of her.

“Alicia, have you eaten? Come down, honey!” Mother shouted from the kitchen as the aroma of roasted chicken slightly came into my nose. “Yes Mother, I’m coming,” I got up and Cathy followed behind me. In the dining room, Father read a newspaper while Mother was lifting a tray with a whole roasted chicken on it. “Looks good,” I said. Mother smiled as she cut it into pieces. Then we had dinner as usual. Cathy had her usual cat food with a medium piece of roasted chicken.

Hello, my name is Alicia, and this is my family. There are only four of us – Father, Mother, myself, and Cathy. I have no siblings. Sometimes, when I saw my neighbor’s children, I felt so jealous. The big sister could play with the little one, and they seemed very happy. Every time I asked my parents about a little sister or brother, they would be quiet and shifted the conversation to other topics. I didn’t ask further because I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. Then I learned to forget my wish to have a sibling by making myself busy, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t be happier when Father gave me a present to get rid of this loneliness last Christmas. It was Cathy. At that time, I was speechless and my tears were falling like crazy. Father was shocked and he thought I didn’t like the present. Indeed, I didn’t like it. I super love it. And I never knew that her existence changed my life.

I felt like my life became more organized since Cathy came into my life. Usually, I woke up nearly late and I had to rush to go to school. But then, every early morning Cathy would jump on my bed and rubbed her face onto my cheek. With that gentle manner, I woke up punctually. I had more time to prepare to go to school and I could avoid the punishments given by the counselor, which was so troublesome. Not only preventing me from late, but she also helped me to make my bed every morning. In the first morning after she woke me up, she stayed on my bed and dropped the stuff like comics, books, comb, and so on. At first, I glared at her because she made my room messier, but then I understood that it was her way to help me. As if, she knew that my bed wasn’t a place to store those stuff. So I instantly made my bed after she dropped them. Since that, I always start my morning with two positive habits, supported by Cathy.

There was another thing about her that I love the most; she kept waiting for me. It started when I went home after school. When I opened the front door, Cathy was sitting there and she looked straight at me and meowed, as if she said, “Welcome back,” I was shocked, then I smiled and stroked her fur. Then she continuously waiting for me like that. Once I tried to prank her. I quietly entered the house through the back door that directly into the kitchen. I thought I could deceive her, but then I saw her sitting next to the dining table. My expression froze as she ran to me and hit my legs. I laughed and carried her. “Sorry, Cathy. Now I know that I cannot hide from you,” Other things that I do love about Cathy was her spoiled behavior. She liked to rub her head onto my cheeks, patted her cute paws on my hands, and sometimes when I get bored or sad she would take her favorite toys and we played together with my parents. Just with simple things like waking me up, helping me made my bed, waiting for me after school, and playing together, I could feel that she loved me. The loneliness which always haunted me then disappeared, little by little. Starting from those days, I stopped thinking about having a sibling. Cathy was enough for me.

On one fine day, I went home early. The teachers had an assembly so all students went home 1.5 hours earlier. As usual, I opened the front door. But I didn’t see Cathy sitting on the mat. Where was she? I slowly stepped in and watched around the living room carefully. Still, I couldn’t find her white tail. Suddenly, I heard Mother sneezed many times. “Achoo! Achoo!” It was so loud and sounded so painful till I was apprehensive. Instantly I went to her.

“Mother? Are you okay?” I found Mother sat down on her bed with watery eyes and swollen face. I was shocked and waited for her to say something. “I–cough–I’m fi–aachoooo!–uh, fine, Alicia,” she said finally. “I don’t think you are fine Mother, maybe we should see the doctor. How do you feel?” I sat next to her and held her arm. Mother looked so tired and her eyes were so wet. “I feel like… itchy, almost all over my body…shortness of breath….and uh, aachoooo! And my nose feels so stuffed…” Right after Mother said it, she sneezed so loud again, “Aaachoo!” I jumped a little because it was really loud. “Mother, we definitely must see the doctor!” I said while handing a thick jacket to her. Suddenly Cathy jumped out from the under part of the bed and meowed. Apparently, she hid there. Seeing her, Mother sneezed again. “Aacho! Aachoo! Aachooo!” I felt so pity on her because her nose became so red after sneezing hard. Cathy meowed in frighten. I knew that she never saw Mother like this before. She attempted to take a step forward, and again, Mother sneezed really, really hard.

“AAAAACHOOOOO!!!”

From Cathy’s gesture and Mother’s sneezes, I knew that there was something wrong between those two. I looked at Cathy, she froze after seeing Mother sneezing really hard. As soon as possible, I carried her out of Mother’s bedroom. I took her to the balcony, which was rather distant from Mother’s bedroom. I waited quietly. As I suspected, Mother stopped to sneeze gradually. I sighed, felt relieved but sad. I was relieved because Mother stopped her painful sneezes. I was sad because I felt something wrong. It was about Cathy. Did Mother have an allergy to Cathy? I said to Cathy, “Maybe the only appropriate place is our room,” Then I took her to our room, which was mine and Cathy’s. I put her down and she looked at me as if she knew that I was going to lock her there. “I’m not going to lock you here, Cathy. I’m just going close this door and see Mother. If it’s needed, I will take Mother to see the doctor. I won’t be long, just stay here and do not go anywhere.” Cathy meowed as if she understood what I said. Soon I closed the door of my room and went to check Mother.

I tried to convince Mother to see the doctor and she agreed. Father didn’t go home yet so I had to accompany her. Soon we went to the nearest doctor and she complained about her illness. I knew that the doctor, Ms. Winona would say Mother had an allergy to cats. Ms. Winona knew that I really love Cathy, and luckily she didn’t suggest us to give her to somebody else. She would just recommend that if Mother’s allergy became more serious. She gave Mother medicine to take and we went home. On the way, I asked her, “Mother, do you hate Cathy?” She answered, “No, I do really love her! But unfortunately, I can’t be near her,” I sighed, rather sad. Mother smiled, “Don’t worry, we’ll keep her. I hope we don’t have to give her to somebody else. I do really like her, actually, but this condition will not let me touch her,” I smiled and looked at her, “I understand Mother, I hope so,”

In the next days, I kept watching Cathy wherever she went. I have to keep her away from Mother. Father, who already knew about this problem, also helped me to keep Mother away from Cathy. Actually, I felt rather sad because we couldn’t play together with Cathy like we used to do, but well, I trained myself to be used to this. After some weeks, I could see that Cathy adapted, although just a little, to Mother. She would step back until Mother stopped sneezing, but sometimes she didn’t move until Father or I had to take her away. Gradually Mother stopped to sneeze with the medicine from Ms. Winona. In those training weeks, I also realized that my exams came closer. My goal was to be accepted in Marie-Claire Boarding School for Girls. It is the best senior high school in my town, up until now. The rivalry rate was super high, so I had to prepare myself well. Then my study hour became double, different from usual. That made my supervision towards Cathy became less; as Father became busier since he successfully promoted as the manager in his office. We drown in our own businesses till we didn’t really pay attention to Cathy and Mother. Mother started to sneeze again. Once I caught Mother sneezed really hard over and over with Cathy in front of her. Cathy didn’t move until I took her to my room. That happened again and again until I felt a little upset and worry about Cathy. If she didn’t stop approaching Mother, Father might give her to someone else. I would lose her.

Until one sunny day, that really happened. Father decided to give her to my cousin.

“What? No, Father!” I held Cathy tightly. “I cannot lose her! She’s my only friend, Father, please,” I spoke louder, my voice echoed inside the family room. Cathy meowed as if she agreed with me. “Look at your mother, Alicia. She suffered because Cathy, and you know that right now you’re busy preparing to enter senior high and live in the boarding house. Who will keep Cathy, then?” Father said that patiently. “You can keep her, can’t you? You love Cathy, don’t you?” My tears were falling. Father sighed. “I do really love her, Alicia. But this situation doesn’t support us.” I was speechless. I couldn’t be angry with Father because he was right. My tears kept falling onto Cathy’s nose. Cathy looked straight at me and didn’t meow. She put her paw on my cheek. I cried louder when she stroked it. As if she said, “It’s okay Alicia, it’s okay,” I hugged her and Father finally said, “I’m really sorry, Alicia. Tomorrow your cousin will come. I hope you can understand and allow this,” On that day, all night long I just cried over Cathy. She just lied beside me and didn’t move. I cried and I hugged her tightly in my sleep.

The next day, after school my cousin’s family came. Father and Mother greeted them and we had lunch. Uncle Sam saw my swollen eyes and he whispered to Father, “Will it be okay if we take Cathy?” Father replied, “Of course, don’t worry,” Although I was busy with my steak, I could hear them. Cathy rubbed her body against my leg softly behind my chair. I tried my best in order my tears didn’t fall again. Why, why she became so spoiled when we were going to be apart? Finally, Father put Cathy in her carrier and give her to my cousin. He also explained how to take care of her and other things. I insisted on a fake smile when they said goodbye and happily talking about Cathy on their way to the car. I could see Cathy looking at me through a hole in her container; did she feel sad too? I sighed and tried to let her go.

For a few days after Cathy went, I didn’t talk too much to Father and Mother. I didn’t hate them, I just didn’t want to trap my sadness inside my heart by faking that I was fine. Father sighed and Mother apologized to me. But then, I realize that I had to focus on the national examinations and entrance exam of Marie-Claire. I had to graduate with a good score and be a student there. The next morning, I talked as usual to Mother and Father. But still, actually, there was a hole in my heart.

So, day by day I tried to forget my sadness by studying harder. I read many preparation books and done so many tests. Unexpectedly I could focus. I thought I would be sad over Cathy. That didn’t happen, and I still do the habits when I was with Cathy, up until now. Sometimes I missed her and I would look at our photos. My tears were falling when I felt sad and needed her at my side. Mother hugged me and gave me soothing words when I remembered about Cathy. But then, I had to focus. Thank God, I could do the national examinations well. I had pause for about nine days between the national examination and entrance exam of Marie-Claire. I allowed my sadness, my anger, and all of the negative things out of my body and mind in those days. I didn’t want to fail at this test, so erasing those negative stuff were needed. Father and Mother really supported me. In those “pause-days”, they took me for sightseeing. I kept studying in those days. Then came the D-Day of Marie-Claire’s entrance exam. With God’s help and my efforts, I could do the test well. Then I waited for about a month to see both the announcement of the national examination and Marie-Claire’s entrance test on the internet.

One month passed, and I got the second-highest score in the national examination and Marie-Claire accepted me! I was really, really happy at that time. I cried happily with Mother, and Father excitedly helped me to pack my stuff. With tears falling down, I laughed. “What is it, Father? Do you want to expel me from this house?” Father laughing as he drew a big suitcase. “Of course not, my Dear. I am really happy because you dare to dream and you can make it true. I’m so proud of you,” Father hugged me. I smiled and soon, my life in senior high school began.

Two months later.

As I expected, being a student in Marie-Claire is the best! The buildings, the people, the meals, the facilitation, the atmosphere were the best! I made friends easily in the first week after I moved to the boarding house. I have a few best friends and we were really close. Everyone was so friendly, from the headmaster to the janitors. I did enjoy being educated here. My parents, who always visit me every other week, were also happy and proud of me.

In one fine afternoon, I strolled around my boarding house. I had nothing to do, so I decided to do it. I always like the breezy afternoon, when the weather is not really cold, but also not too hot. Just the balanced combination. I had just known that there was a little greenhouse near my boarding house. It was hidden by the lush jasmine bushes. The glass cracked in some parts, the dust covered almost all of the surface. There were many plantations, and they made me curious. After got inside it, I was amazed by the beauty trapped there. There were many flowers there like roses, chrysanthemums, lavenders, tulips, and so on arranged on several shelves. I really love flowers, and this place such a heaven for me. How could Marie-Claire, as if, hid this place and abandoned it? I took some pictures of the flowers and some selfies near them. When I took the fifth picture, I saw it.

A little white cat was hiding near two pots of petunia.

Froze, I didn’t stop looking at that little creature. That creature didn’t stop looking at me too. Slowly I turned my head, and I saw Cathy. My Christmas present, at that time she was dirty, thinner, and looked so pathetic. That was about 4 months ago and how could she find me here? What happened to her? How about my cousin who used to keep her? Did they abandon her? So many questions in my head until I didn’t realize she ran to me. “Meo–w,” Her voice was shaky. Quickly I grabbed and carried her. Her big eyes looked straight into mine that were wet with tears.

“Cathy? How could you…?” I lost my words. I couldn’t say it completely. Hugging her, I was really happy. I was really happy she found her way here. I was happy she survived. I was really happy she loved me that much. I was happy Marie-Claire had a special building for pets, and there was a section for cats. Soon I ran back to my building and saved her. My precious friend came back!

Since then, Cathy lived happily with me in Marie-Claire. I was really happy she came back to me. Cathy was fatter, healthier, and cuter than when I found her in the greenhouse. The staffs in Pets’ House were really helpful; they treated Cathy well. Every weekend the students could take their pets to their room. In the beginning, I was afraid of my roommate’s pets, a Siberian husky. I was afraid he would attack Cathy. But apparently, the husky was really tame and he really liked Cathy. Sometimes, when we had a chat, I saw him licked Cathy. Mother and Father, who always visited me every two weeks, were also shocked and happy to see Cathy again. Father felt bad and he apologized to me about Cathy. I have forgiven him from 4 months ago and I was fine with it. Amazingly, Mother’s allergy to cats had disappeared! She fully stopped to sneeze. I couldn’t be happier right now. My parents, my friends, Cathy and I were happy together. The last thing was, I was happy with my childhood friend.

#story englishstory shortstories assignment cat kitten friend childhood

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letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked · 7 years

Text

Into the Water

Tony Stark X Reader

A/N: I don’t know what brought this idea on? Maybe because I’m watching “The Impossible” on Netflix, and wondered how the hell they held their breath? I can barely hold mine underwater for like 10 seconds lol BTW I have 2 more fics that are almost done!

Summary: Reader has an accident after a nasty fight with Tony…

Warnings: Car accident, angsty as fuuuck, swearing, panic, death (??)

BTW the format got a little fucked up! Sorry!

Masterlist // Part 1.5 // Part 2

“He’s just being a dick, Mom!” I cried into the phone, driving down the highway. “He’s so fucking stubborn! I just want him to be safe, Mom! He’s going to end up killing himself if he keeps being so reckless!”

Tears were running down my face, lights streaking quickly by as I drove towards my mother’s house in New Jersey. I had left the tower after a huge fight with Tony in the lab. He had broken up with me, because I asked him not to go on a mission that they had no information about, which sparked a fight. He had been pulling all-nighters, again, and barely eating. It was not safe for him to go on a dangerous mission when he hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep or meal.

“Oh, Honey.” My mom sighed into the phone, “You two will make up. You’ve been through worse than this. Come stay the night, and you can call him in the morning.”

“I hope so,” I sniffed, wiping under my eyes, “I don’t want to lose him.”

“Oh, baby girl, you won’t. Just let him cool off, and come snuggle your lonely, old mother.” She chuckled, “Now take a few breaths, and get off the phone. I hate it when you talk and drive. I will see you in a bit.”

“I will. Bye, mom, I love you.” I hung up the phone and focused back on the road.

Tony and I had been together for a little over five years. We had our ups and downs. Mostly ups… but ugly downs. Like tonight’s fight. Tony had been working in the lab, again, and I was sitting in his chair reading a book. He was in the middle of tinkering with one of his many suits when he mentioned that he was going to leave in the morning for a mission.

“Tony, you haven’t slept in two weeks. Are you sure a mission is a good idea? Where are you even going?” I wasn’t trying to start anything. I was genuinely worried.

“Seriously, Y/N? I’m an Avenger. We go out on missions.” He snapped, throwing his hands up, “Anyways, what would you know? You’re not even an Avenger. I’m pretty sure you don’t even know how to shoot a gun.”

“Keep it up and I will show you just how well I can handle a gun.” I muttered, setting my book down and crossing my arms. “What is wrong with you? Why are you being a dick?”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N!” He yelled, coming to stand right in front of me, “I’m sick of you nagging me all of the time about what I do! You knew what you were getting yourself into when we started dating!”

“Nagging you?” I stood up, pushing the chair back, “I don’t want to see you get yourself killed, Tony! Ever since Steve and Bucky came back from Wakanda, all you do is hole up in this lab. You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, and you avoid everyone! You don’t take care of yourself!”

“You’d avoid them, too, if Barnes had killed your parents!” He screamed, face turning red and eyes cold, “He killed my parents, Y/N!”

“That was HYDRA, Tony.” I sighed, running my hands through my hair in frustration, “Bucky was brainwashed by HYDRA. The Winter Soldier and Bucky are two different people.”

“So you’re defending him, then?” He scoffed, turning around and walking back to the suit he was tinkering with, “Why don’t you just go date him then! Seems like you two have been getting pretty cozy, lately, anyways!”

“Seriously?” I couldn’t believe it… “You think I’m getting ‘cozy’ with Bucky? Do you really think that little of me, Tony?”

“God, you’re so fucking dramatic!” He turned back around, leaning against one of his many work benches, “I don’t know what to think.”

I shook my head, angry tears pricking my eyes, “Well, I’m not the one who strays in this relationship, anyways.” I rushed towards the door, needing to cool off.

He was faster, stepping in front of it, effectively blocking my exit. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

I looked down, wringing my hands together as a surge of nervousness washed over me. “Tony…”

“No, Y/N.” He frowned, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the door, “Tell me what the fuck you mean by ‘I’m not the one who strays’. Do you think I cheat on you?”

“No, Tony. Just forget it.” I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to make the tears stay in my eyes.

“Why the fuck are we in a relationship if you don’t trust me, huh?” He demanded. I could feel his gaze boring into me, anger rolling off of him in waves. “Clearly we’ve been wasting our time.”

There was a sharp pain in my chest at his words. I looked up, teary eyes making contact with his hard ones, “Just forget it, okay? You made your point. I’m going to bed.”

“No.” He shouted, making me jump, “Clearly you have something to say, so fucking say it.”

“Fine!” I snapped, pushing my pointed finger against his shoulder, “You accuse me of getting cozy with Barnes, when in reality, I’m not the one getting cozy with other people! I’m nice to him, because nobody else is! You, on the other hand, flirt with any female you come into contact with. You are the one who stays out all hours of the night, you are the one who comes home smelling like a bar, and you are the one who’s being an absolute asshole, right now!” The tears started falling. “Is breaking up something you want? Because I want to work, whatever the fuck this fight is, out. But only if you are willing to pull your head out of your ass, shut the fuck up, and listen to me!”

“Get the fuck out.” He screamed, slapping my hand away from his shoulder. “Breaking up is something I want. Go pack your shit and get the fuck out of my tower.”

“Tony-”

“GO.”

So I did.

After only ten minutes of driving, I had already come to the conclusion that the fight was stupid. That was why I had called my mom. She always knew how to make me feel better. Plus, her house was only a few hours away, so why not go see her?

Then, in a few days, I could come home and-

“FUCK!”

_____

Oh my god, my head…

Shit. I must have crashed my car. There was another car… I think it swerved into my lane. I think… Why are my legs so cold? What the fuck is that noise? I opened my eyes, and a wave of panic rushed through my veins. My legs were cold because there was fucking water rushing into my car. My car was under water.

“Shit, shit, shit!” I looked around, assessing my surroundings. Think, Y/N, think!

I must have swerved off the bridge I was driving over. What happened to the other car? Do they know I’m down here? I tried to remove my seatbelt. I yanked and pulled, but the belt wouldn’t come undone. The button was working but the belt was stuck, and the car had locked my belt when the crash happened. What the fuck do I do? What do I do? Where’s my phone?

My phone was, thankfully, still in my cup holder. I didn’t know where my purse was. The water was still rushing in. It was a loud - almost deafening - roar. The water had risen almost to my knees, rushing in through the vents.

Tony! Call Tony!

I struggled to calm my breathing as I unlocked my phone with shaky hands, toes starting to tingle and feel numb from the freezing, muddy water that was still rushing in. I clicked on Tony’s name, “Please, pick up. Please, pick up.” I chanted this over and over again for every ring.

Voicemail.

I hit redial.

Voicemail.

A sob ripped through me. The water was up to my bellybutton. Tony was not picking up. “T-Tony! You need to answer the phone! Please, Tony! I- I crashed the car, and it is filling up with water!” I sucked in a breath, choking out another sob. “Please! Please! Help me!” The panic was really starting to settle in. “I- I’m going to try, again.”

Redial.

“Help me!” I screamed, yanking on my seatbelt, again. “Somebody please, HELP ME!” I pushed against the floor of my car with my feet, trying to move the seatbelt. Still locked.

What about FRIDAY? What if I called FRIDAY?

I searched my phone for the number. “YES!” I sobbed, hitting the button. The water was just reaching my ribs. I shivered.

“Yes, Miss Y/L/N?” FRIDAY answered.

“FRIDAY! Oh, thank god!” I sobbed. “I need you to send Tony my location and patch me through to him. It’s an-”

Crack!

“No. NO.” The windshield was starting to crack. If it shattered, I was going to drown. I couldn’t get out of my seatbelt. I screamed, tears streaking down my face. I tried my seatbelt again, with no success.

“Y/N?” Tony’s voice came out of the speaker, sounding confused, “Why is FRIDAY sending me your location and-”

“TONY!” I sobbed, “I crashed the car! It’s filling up with water! I can’t get out! Please! Help me!” I kept yanking on the seat belt as the water reached under my bra, “I don’t want to drown!”

“Y/N.” Tony’s voice was loud, as he shouted orders in the background. “We are coming to get you, you are not going to drown!”

“I love you!” I choked out, breathing getting faster and faster. “Tell my mom and the team that I love them! Oh, god, I’m all my mom has left!” I sobbed harder, “I don’t want to drown!” The water was getting deeper, and the spreading of the crack was getting wider.

“Y/N, baby, you aren’t going to drown. We are on our way, okay? Just hold on.” His voice was shaking. I was at least a few hours’ drive away from the tower. Was he going to make it? “How deep is the water? Can you keep trying your seatbelt?”

“It’s almost to my shoulders, Tony!” The cold was starting to seep into my bones, and the horror of the situation was starting to settle into my mind. I might not make it out of here. Tony could only go so fast in the suit, and the water was rising too fast. I stopped shaking as a dead calm spread over me, “I’m going to drown.”

“Y/N, baby, please stop talking like that.” Tony’s distressed voice begged through the phone, “We’re coming, okay? J-just please, baby, stop talking like that.”

“I’m sorry for what I said,” I choked out, shivers running through my body, “I didn’t mean it. I w-was just u-upset.” I craned my neck up as the water rose over my shoulders. I held the phone higher, practically pinning it to the ceiling. I would’ve tried my seatbelt, again, but the cold was draining all of my energy, and I didn’t want to drop the phone. “My windshield is cracking, baby.” The higher the water rose, the further out the spidering of the crack travelled. It was only going to hold for so long.

“I… I’m almost there.” He stuttered out, voice shaking. “I’m sorry, too.”

“I love you.” I whispered, tears mixing with the water under my chin.

The shattering of the windshield was dulled by the sound of the water rushing over my head…

#Tony Stark X reader #tony x reader #avengers #Into the Water #fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #angst #fight #I'm a terrible person #Tony Stark #reader insert

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notmanagingwithjuiliusshine-blog · 7 years

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3. Las Palmas, glory, glory.

'He's gotten no better Roger, I can't ever see him getting out of this funk of his.' The sun was flooding in through the kitchen window and Valerie Shiner shuffled in her seat. 'No' She continued 'you're lucky if you see him before midday and that bloody shirt he's never out of it!' She took a drag from her menthol cigarette and shielded her eyes a little. A worn slipper hung from the point of her big toe, swinging aimlessly always on the point of falling to the floor. 'What can I do, you know he's stubborn to the point of_' She hesitated to take a another drag, the house quiet and peaceful. Ahead tiny specks of ash sparkled in the wave of sunlight and she shook her head at the state of the back garden. '_that's all well and good saying that Roger_' The phone flipped from one ear to another '_but what would he do, he's thirty three and not far off matching the same on the scales!’ She choked hard as Roger intercepted with the word FAT. 'Alright there's no need to be offensive' She hit back, a mother's love never far away. 'I've probably mothered him too much but after his dad left us what was I supposed to do.' The last of the cigarette was stubbed out with real meaning. 'No he hasn't sorted out the garden yet!' She responded sharply. 'He's said he'll get to it soon as he's finished with his latest project.' ‘Well I doubt it'll be today no, not after I found him slumped in the bathroom at three in the morning.’ She lit another cigarette and took a couple of short toaks. ‘Well the ambulance guys said he'd swallowed his tongue_’ She shook her head in weary dismay. ‘_I don't know Roger they think he probably drunk a whole bottle of port and passed out!’ 'Outrage! Utter outrage!' Julius Shiner stormed into the kitchen and headed straight for the fridge, the hem of his white triple XL Italia '90 T-shirt flailing half way up his pale blotch marked thighs, his feet scuffed along the worn tiles in his favourite football slippers. 'Where's the juice mother?' He barked angrily. Really he should have his own fridge in his room, he reconciled to himself once more. 'Mother!' His voice echoed into the vast chasm of the fridge again. 'I should have my own fridge, why won't you allow such a tiny privilege, they get better treatment-’ He tried but failed to think of a quick comparison and instead just let out an inexhaustible sigh. Searching for another cigarette from the crumpled packet on the table Valerie Shiner noticed the sunlight slip by the window and she felt cold. Julius felt slighted, as if he had time to be wasting out here! His own fridge would make this type of trip redundant, think of all the wasted scouting time! He tried to send a scouring look across at his mother but she was deep in concentration trying to fish out another cigarette with only the nails of her left hand. 'Uhhhummm' he sent out a strange coughing sound to try and get her attention. It didn't help. Lowering his huge frame he hovered in front of the fridge. The chill air began to bite at his chest and he groped a grubby paw at his becoming nipples. His eyes stung as he peered again over at his mother. She was sat at the table by the doorway, phone stuck to her ear, cord trailing from its mounting halfway down the hallway. 'Mother get off the phone and placate me!' His shrill voice, whiney even to his own ears, cut and broke like a man left with only a few precious seconds left to live. 'No it's the first I've seen of him all day.' He watched with contempt as she twirled the cord between her forefinger and thumb. ‘I told you Roger that was this morning, early, about Two or three-ish.’ 'Honestly!' He cried in frustration as he delved back into the fridge. His bulbous hands and wrists catching against the shelves as they glowed redder and redder, unaccustomed as they were to physical labour. ‘God knows what the ambulance people think of us, such a thing to see that early in the morning!’ Julius fought against the flashbacks, the flashing blue lights, the men in uniforms, the smell of urine. 'He's looking for juice' he heard her say into the telephone, followed by 'I know but you know what he's like.' 'Women will you get off that phone honestly there must be more important things that need doing?' He snapped. I bet she forgot the isotonic too, he raged inside. ‘Isotonic Lucozade Sport?' He growled in bitter resignation and waited for a reply. 'The elixir of sporting performance mother where is it?' The coldness was now reaching almost unbearable levels and his temper was growing sour by the second. 'I must have my sport tonic!' He cried out desperate now for his mother's full attention. She was still on the phone! 'Roger says it's not good to be drinking all that sugary stuff all the time. Might make you dry up inside.' 'What does bloody Roger know?' Infuriated he tried to turn his bulk to face her. 'He says you'll end up rupturing something if you're not careful.' 'Does Roger know better than John Barnes now?' 'What hunny, sorry Roger was saying something about youth delinquency and fizzy drinks.' 'John bloody Barnes mother I think you'll find he doesn't lie to kids, not like your one time favourite Jim'll fix it!' 'Oh why's he always got to bring Jim'll fix it into things Roger?' She said with a real sense of dismay turning to the table and resting on her elbows. 'He's always got to be so sarky with everything hasn't he.' Turning back to the fridge Julius cursed Rogers name under his breath. The two of them had lived happily until that infidel Roger came snaking along, now it seemed there was a block in the road at every turn. 'What the Christ on a bike is this?' He screamed, sending the contents of the top shelf flying. 'How many times mother this is not a Tesco's house!' By now he was sat squat on the floor the rolls of his stomach fat dripping towards the cold tiled floor. 'What has gotten into you lately?' He panted, grabbing the bin at the second or third clumsy attempt as he began clawing things out of the fridge and dumped them unceremoniously whilst eyeing his mother with a fierce loathsome disapproval. 'You'll have to go out and get some more!' 'He's throwing it all away, can you believe it Roger?' 'Roger! Bloody Roger!' Hitting out at the bin and then the door of the fridge Julius maneuvered his giant frame with painstaking disgrace across the floor of the kitchen. 'Give me that damn phone, I'll tell Roger what he can do with a Tesco's mango and guava smoothie!' Valerie shook her head in dismay. 'You'll never guess the state he's in.' She exasperated. 'He's sprawled out on the kitchen tiles like, like, like I don't know what' She coiled her legs up to her chest. 'What's with you Julius?' He never used to be this much trouble. Always such a sweet boy he was.' Flicking the phone cord at her thirty three year old son as he rolled from one fat laden side to another she truly wondered where she had gone so wrong. ‘Honestly Julius I can't have a phone call in peace now!’ Valerie Shiner collected up her bits from the kitchen table into a neat pile. She turned towards her son and took out another cigarette. ‘Don't look at me like that, it's because of you I'm getting through so many of these!’ ‘Weak!’ Julius shot back at her, three babybels jostling for space in his mouth. ‘I swear you're sending me to the knackers yard with all your goings on!’ Julius having pulled himself up using the sideboard pulled out a tray and began loading up more food. ‘You'll definitely have to get more food you know, the stuff you've got is utter rubbish!’ ‘It's not that simple is it Julius, that's perfectly good food and you've gone and thrown it away. Where do I get the money to buy more?’ Julius didn't have time to listen to more of his mother's excuses. 'I can't stop now mother Numancia have just offered 1.5 million for our right back and I'll be dammed to Colchester and back if I'm gonna accept such a crappy offer!' She watched him shuffle off with a packet of ham, spray cream and half a lemon meringue pie which she had been hoping to tuck into that evening in front of Eastenders. ‘Roger you still there? He thinks money just comes at the click of your fingers that boy!’ She heard him kick open the door to his bedroom. 'That'll be him holed up in that room till God knows when now' She continued. ‘I don't know he plays that bloody stupid game till all hours.’ ‘He needs a bloody good kick up the backside if you ask me.’ Roger said from the other end. 'He tells me there building a statue of him' 'Rubbish it's just a bloody game on the computer!’ I know Roger but it keeps him out of harm's way, I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost him.’ ‘He needs a large dose of reality that boy!’ ‘Roger please I know you're right_’ She felt teary again. ‘_but he's all I've got.’ ‘You're too good to him Valerie.’ ‘I think he's coming back.’ She could hear his shuffling feet coming back up the hallway. ‘Everything okay sweetie?’ 'Hang up that damn phone you gossip.' He demanded as he began rooting through the biscuit tin. 'Oh he's getting all rough and moody again, like he does.' 'When's the statue thingy being shown hunny, Roger wants to know?’ His rage for Roger was untold and if he'd had a free hand he'd have ripped the phone line from the wall. However food was vital at this important stage of negotiations. 'It will be in Spain won't it mother and as you can't be bothered to get me my own mini fridge I doubt you'll get off your fat arse and fly to Spain for the peoples great heralding of a man they've come to think of a folk hero!' 'Oh I think we'd have to go to Tenerife or something and I don't think I'd like all that heat and nakedness Roger!' 'Tenerife! Bloody Tenerife!’ Julius slammed the door to his room hard and placed the last of his supplies onto the bed. Tenerife! He shook his head and checked the screen. Still on an international break, good he should have enough time for a bit of scouting before the next set of fixtures. His glorious run as Las Palmas manager had seen the team reach unprecedented heights and now was no time to sit back and reflect on the glory. Pulling up his ‘working’ chair he wanted another look at the Norwegian leagues, there was always a bargain to be had there. Shoveling in the lemon meringue pie he meticulously searched through every club, and then every level of the national side. A young centre back called Vegard Hansen soon caught his eye and he sent the scouts out to watch him in his next couple of games. At only nineteen he was perfect for moulding into a Shiner star, the name he gave all the young players who he plucked from obscurity and turned into international stars. He had good pace and stamina states, great in the air and could pass the ball as well. Julius savoured the last of the pie and could already see young Hansen stepping out of defence with the ball and spraying wonderful forty yard passes. Without another thought he put in a one hundred and fifty thousand pound offer.

#Football #comedy #fiction #premier league #football league #football manager #Julius #fat #wing backs #non-league #Las Palmas #Tenerife #John Barnes #Lucozade Sport

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maryannemagnolia-blog · 7 years

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Report of a trip to Japan, September 2016, Buck-Tick related parts

Conversations with Japanese fans, BT cafe, Climax Together 3rd. I know it’s very late. I just want to post something and practice my English. My memories could be wrong.

Osaka, Yousukou Ramen

That small restaurant The Mortal members have been to in 2015. It’s hidden deeply in the streets of Umeda, difficult to find even with the help of Google Map, it was smaller than I thought it to be, there were only about 10 seats, and I wouldn’t say it was very clean inside.

The Ramen was very delicious, I was satisfied with its taste, but one bowl was not enough to fill my stomach at 3pm. Due to nervousness, I didn’t say Acchan-chan’s name.

(On that morning, I had much trouble finding a store called Umeda Loft, then the next day I had much trouble finding the live house Umeda Club Quattro, I guess the Feng Shui of that place does not suit my birth time.)

Tokyo, a hotel

I talked to the staffs of the hotel I lived in. One 20 or 30-something staff knew BT, when another staff who looked around the same age as him asked “What’s that?”, he answered “Old Visual Kei”, then praised my taste in music, “very good, very good. It’s rare (to see girls like me coming to Japan for bands like BT, I guess that’s his meaning)”

Tower Records Kinshicho

The Tower Records famous for a whole shelf of BT stuffs. It’s one the 4th floor (or maybe 3th or 5th I don’t quite remember) of a shopping center which is not faraway from the JR line station. If you want to buy BT’s CDs in Tokyo, I suggest you either go there or Tower Records Shibuya.

At the shrine of Morioka Ken, the boards had not been as full as they were in Cayce’s photos.

Sadly I didn’t have enough money to buy everything, I already bought many records in Osaka and Kyoto, so I only bought Mona Lisa Overdrive, Sabbat, Minus(-)’s D and the only one Togawa Jun album there (in the J-pop section).

Tower Records Cafe in Harajuku

On September 10th, I went to the Tower Records Cafe. I know there would be many people since the next day we shall Climax Together, but I didn’t realize I had to wait for two hours out on the street, but thank for the line of ladies dressed in black I didn’t get lost, okay several gentlemen were there, too, there were 40+ year old ladies in Visual Kei style outfits, 30-something ladies with elegant make up, in normal clothes, there were also JKs younger than me and 30-year-old men who looked just like any Japanese salarymen.

I talked to the nice looking lady behind me. She asked about the official translation of Buck-Tick in Chinese, it’s “花火師”, which means “pyrotechnist, it made her laugh so hard, and no, we rarely use that name.

I introduced her to Tumblr. She laughed again when I searched “Buck-Tick” on Tumblr, photos came out were Acchan, Acchan, and Acchan, “Nothing but Acchan!” Then she introduced Tumblr to her friends on LINE as a place to find many beautiful Acchan pictures.

She started another topic: “Do your parents love Japanese music, too?”

“My mom is Sakamoto Ryuichi-san’s fan.”

“She likes YMO?”

“She hates YMO.”

“Oh, then does she like Buck-Tick?”

“Not really, the only BT songs she likes are Jupiter, Dress and Flame.”

“Anyway,” she said, “I’m glad BT’s songs are liked by Sakamoto-san’s fan.”

It seems Sakamoto Ryuichi and YMO are one rank higher in dignity than all those rock bands.

When I finally got into the Cafe, it’s long past lunch time, I was very hungry. Climax Together 1992 was played on the screen, I felt very difficult to eat my pasta which was not spicy at all despite what was written on their websites while the man I love was singing about despair, pain, madness and desire to die.

Later, friends reported that they waited for 4 whole hours outside the cafe on September 12th, so I’m the lucky one!

Bar Teranga in Ebisu

It’s the bar Imai mentioned in his blog, owned by his wife’s sister Akane, who is also an indie musician. It’s hidden in the streets of Ebisu, on the third floor of a building, with only one tiny signboard outside.

I went there for the evil purpose of examining whether she looked as cute as she was in photos, or it’s photoshop’s doing (I’m not evil enough to think about meeting or stalking BT members, I swear), but I didn’t see her, that night only the male staff Takizawa Ryo was there, he is an indie musician, in 2012, some fans got extremely angry (I’m not sure why) after they found that the BT charity bags were sold at his concerts...but it has already passed, Imai has explained in his blog, Cayce has posted on her blog, so I’ll stop here.

The bar was small, gothic style, there was a wall full of Jrockers’ signatures, including all members of BT, Aki from Sid, Motokatsu, someone from D’erlanger, someone from Merry, Sakurai Ao maybe, and so on, I said “someone” and “maybe” because I couldn’t decipher their signatures which were all so artistically written. Only Shirosaki Jin, the big fanboy and former NO.1 host wrote readable kanjis. I heard there was also one written by Die, of dir en grey, but failed to find it. Aside from signatures, they also used Jrock magazines and BT tour goods as decoration, you can find BT stuffs even in the toilet. The Sakurai Drops box is surprisingly small.

There were three customers when I entered the door, all about 40 years old, two ladies, one gentlemen. I sat down, ordered curry rice and beer in English, the two ladies said “Oh, foreigner?” Then, one of them said:

“But why this bar... Bakuchiku fan?”

“...Yes.” I answered.

They gave me a very warm welcome by screaming and shouting.

“Do you speak Japanese?”

“Only a little.”

“Yokohama Arena?” She tried to speak very slow.

“Yes, but my seat is terrible.”

“Whoo, you come to Japan for a concert!”

“Uh...I came for sightseeing.”

“But your main purpose is the concert, isn’t it?”

And yes.

We talked about BT, Visual Kei and Jpop. “It’s amazing that Japanese music has influence on other countries’ people.” they said. Later, they began talking about baseball, Johnny’s idol groups, and the coming Visual Japan Summit (finally I remember that name).

The curry rice was nice. One of the ladies drank so much High-ball but her face didn’t change a bit, I envy people like her.

I left before all three of them, “Good night! See you tomorrow in Yokohama.” The Japanese fans said.

(Small information:

There is a bar in Minatoku, Tokyo, owned by NAO (BY-SEXUAL) and BT’s former manager Kojima, the name is “Azabu Kyuuban”, or “Azabu NO.9” in English. Many Jrockers had been there, including members of BT, Glay, Plastic Tree, Golden Bomber, Kishidan, Nocturnal Bloodlust and so on. Some BT fans love to go there after the Budoukan show, so if you want to go there that day, too, remember to pre-order.)

Yokohama Arena

There are big “横浜アリーナ” and “Yokohama Arena” words written above an exit of the station, you can follow the ladies in black as well.

I arrived at Yokohama Arena at about 12:30 pm, there was a long, long goods line in the rain, even there were many staffs selling the goods and they were quick, I think I still waited for more than 1.5 hours outside, and when I finally got into the venue, I found there were still many people waiting in front of me. Aku no Hana 2015 remix was played, when Kiss Me Good-bye was over, National Media Boys came, so they must played it for more than once, friends who came later than me reported they heard another album there. I heard almost one Aku no Hana inside the venue, than my turn of buying goods finally came.

It was reported by Japanese fans if you came at 3 pm, you did not need to wait, so I guess at concerts if you don’t want the most popular goods such as Sakurai Drops or Acchan eye masks, it will be better if you don’t come very early.

After buying the goods, same with many fans, I walked to a nearby shopping center, spent two hours there. One oddity was that, when I went to the toilet in the shopping center, everyone waited there was BT fans, I can tell they were fans because all of them wore either BT T-shirts, or typical bangya clothes such as black lace dress and black high heel boots, one of them wore a Mr. Matsumoto guitar print scarf, that famous one with red hearts.

Then back to the venue, people had already lined up for entering. Passersby looked at us curiously.

Since everyone has already watched the WOWOW video, I’d better not say too much about the concert itself, so just a few things:

1. Chandeliers were beautiful.

2. Beside me was a middle aged man, he cried during Jupiter.

3. People clapped their hands during the intro of Dokudanjo, it’s a bit hard to learn.

4. I didn’t realize Imai played Passing Mountain then, feel ashamed.

5. Imai’s guitar was so loud (noisy) that I could barely hear Acchan talking, and it was because Imai’s guitar, not my poor Japanese, Japanese fans have reported same problem.

6. I think you already know that, but the spoken words in Dress are “早く、行かなくちゃ” (I have to go, now).

7. Acchan said: “It must be difficult to see from there, I’m sorry”, then turned the stage light to the stage side and 2nd floor seats, fans who were lit up all waved their hands, screamed in happiness to him. He is a very gentle person indeed.

This year I plan to visit Japan again.

I will go to Fujioka, Gunma to see Imai Shouten. But before that I need to learn more Japanese.

Oh, actually this Gunma-chan (with serious bear) is not the first Gunma-chan.

The original Gunma-chan is this:

#buck-tick #atsushi sakurai #sakurai atsushi #acchan #imai hisashi #hisashi imai #live report #does it count as a live report?#gunma-chan #tower records #ramen #J-rock related bars

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redbeautynarcotics · 5 years

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Two Angels Born In One Day

On Tuesday, August 20th 2019 we lost our twin babies. It has been a doomed pregnancy from the start from the first time that my wife started bleeding and asked me what I thought about it. From the beginning I always tried to cling to hope and reassure her that there was a plausible explanation. A brief Google search would quickly lend to the idea that this was a normal thing that most women go through in the 1st trimester. However, after a few more bouts of bleeding I found myself sitting in class one night when I got a frantic text that my wife needed to go to the ER now!!! I drove 30 minutes as quickly as I could not knowing what was going on, called my neighbor to go check on her, and ripped into the driveway. In the back of my mind, I was hoping that this wasn’t her just making things up but of course I would never go there. Our neighbor offered to watch our 1 year old son since he had already gone to bed for the night and we quickly headed out to the hospital that was only 5 minutes away. What followed was five hours of questions, tests, ultrasounds, and waiting followed by the much anticipated answer that... everything pointed to the twins not making it. It was the scariest place for a parent to be. I knew immediately that we were in for a rough journey. The next day, my wife called her doctor’s office and they brought her in to take another ultrasound and lend their opinion which was strict bed rest. We also had a follow up appointment with a specialist shortly after that and got some better news that there was a chance the babies could make it after all. We of course wanted the best outcome possible and placed our worries aside. For three weeks, my wife laid in bed only getting up to use the bathroom and to shower. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and watched our 1 year old as he learned to walk and quickly began to wander all over the house on two legs. It was the best of times... it was the worst of times. Then came August 20th. We woke up early that morning because we had to be at the doctors appointment by 8am. We left the house a little late, ran into traffic, and ended up getting to the office 20 min late. In most cases, we would expect the doctor to stick around, knowing that this was an extremely high risk pregnancy and this was her first real checkup with her assigned OBGYN. Imagine our surprise when we were told she had already left and we would have to either come back 4 hours later or a week from then. We chose to wait in town... a decision that I will wonder about for the rest of my life. The hours went by somewhat quickly, we shopped, we ate, we enjoyed time out of the house. I dropped my wife off at the doctors office yet again and took our son across town to nap. 1.5 hours after her appointment was supposed to begin, I got frantically texted that I had to come help her immediately. I called to see what was going on and my worst fears were realized, she was going into labor. Being that she was at a doctors office, I had the opinion that there would be something that they could do, whether it be comforting her, preventing shock, or at the worst calling an ambulance but of course they chose to do nothing. I somehow got across town in record time, dropping our son off at my sisters who miraculously lived nearby. I then raced into the parking lot, up the stairs and brushed past the reception to find my wife. There she was white as a ghost in an exam room, shaking like a leaf, screaming, and bleeding all at once. I got her to lay down, turned the AC off and ran all around the room looking for a blanket to throw over her. I then ran out of the room to get people to do something, and although I raised my voice and made everybody in the office aware of the situation, nobody cared. That was something I will never understand. Finally, after causing a stir, a nurse practitioner came into her exam room, laughed at me, did a brief exam to see if her cervix was closed and then told me I needed to load my wife in the car and take her to the ER 20 min away through peak rush hour traffic to do a mere “stress test” and see why my wife was freaking out. At no time did I feel that we were being taken seriously or that anybody cared that we were about to lose our twins. So there we went, me driving as quickly as I could, making very slow progress and trying to keep my head clear while my wife screamed in agony. Finally, after waiting at a traffic light for what felt like ages, and seeing blood and parts of her placenta come pouring out, I knew that things had kicked into high gear and I needed to call reinforcements. I pulled into a parking lot and called 9-1-1. The phone took forever to place the call and the ringer dialed for a minute before anybody answered. By the time I got through, my wife was screaming at the top of her lungs over and over and I was afraid to look inside the car to see what was going on. I could barely get through a sentence without sobbing, knowing that this was it for the babies, that we wouldn’t be having them early next year and hearing my wife panicking as she tried not to embrace what was about to happen. Where I had pulled over happened to be a mile away from a really good hospital and it had never occurred to me to take my wife there, since the nurse had made it seem like things were fine and we had just been over-exaggerating. The ambulance and a firetruck showed up and I was asked question after question that I tried to answer as quickly as possible. They put her on a stretcher still screaming, contractions were coming in less then a minute, and I was doing my best not to lose it. The ambulance pulled away and I tried to follow but ended up hitting every single red light along the way. When I got to the hospital, I was in a daze... I called my parents at some point to get their prayers and support and then I went into the ER to find her. I was confronted by a nurse and told I needed to talk to security who not realizing the extremes of the situation told me to wait in the lobby. After a few seconds, someone came and told the security guard to get me in there right away and he personally escorted me back. I am sure that they told him something because he rushed me to my wife’s side, grabbed my shoulder and told me to be strong. When I arrived in the trauma room, the air was filled with the screams of my wife as she continued to not only experience the full pain of child birth but also was on the edge of losing not one baby but two. These screams were so much louder and filled with emotion then the screams she had uttered when she had birthed our son a year before. I took my place at her side, held her hand and did my best not to cry and to calm her. She was administered copious amounts of medication of multiple kinds and the doctor somewhat abruptly informed us that she was having a miscarriage. As calmly as the doctor said it, there was no assurance that this was such a routine thing for parents to experience (1-4 pregnancies). We were losing our children and there was no turning back. Little less then five minutes passed by and the ER doc placed himself in between my wife’s legs with the foreceps he would use to pull our lifeless twins and the placenta from the birth canal. My wife settled into the drug haze and now calmly told the hospital staff that she couldn’t watch and didn’t want to know what was happening (although this is standard procedure). I had to watch, there was no way I could tear myself from this moment and the desire to catch a glimpse of what could have been our sons or daughters. Out came a very red, three inch long body with perfect fingers and toes. This small being was attached to what looked like a silver string, that made up the very young umbilical cord. If it hadn’t been our child and the fact that it was dead, this moment would have been awe inspiring. A wave of emotion and also peace spread throughout my mind and body. It was over, but we would live on. The doctor asked if I wanted to hold the bodies and I did, I spread my hands and the nurse placed one of the twins on them. My wife stirred and decided that she wanted to look after all. I remember her admiring the toes, the fingers, and the ears among others things and how tiny they were. Shortly after this she started weeping uncontrollably and saying she was sorry over and over. I told her that it wasn’t her fault and we couldn’t have prevented this. The nurses were crying at this point and the doctor admitted that it was hard for him because his wife was pregnant as well at the time. The nurses took the bodies out of sight and we settled in to a long night of recovery. Eventually I went out into the lobby where my parents were and recounted what had happened earlier in the day. They comforted me as best they could, arranged to pickup and take care of our 1 year old for a couple days, and hugged me goodbye. When I returned to my wife, she was much more composed and I asked her if I could have her best friend come to keep us company and console her. She said yes and I summoned her. Her friend Kim spent nearly five hours by the bedside asking us how we were, speaking words of encouragement, and getting us much needed items for our hospital stay. It was nearly midnight when we were finally taken to the main hospital and given a room to stay in. We quickly fell asleep and slept most of the night. I woke up at 5am to finally start the grieving process and to clear my head. For over an hour I cried and cried, listened to songs that people had written about losing their child, and wishing that things had turned out different. The next day was long but we finally got to go home around 10pm. It was when we had gotten home that my wife finally broke down and also started grieving. It has now been a little over four days since we lost them, we are slowly healing but have a long way to go. The hardest part is finding a direction to start moving in once again, to find a new normal, and to decide how we are going to use this experience moving forward. There are so many unknowns and things to consider but this moment in time has changed the course of our lives completely. We are so much more concerned about the well fare of our family and each other and so much less concerned about thing external to this. I hope that in time we will have another child, and I hope that the journey won’t be so scary or that we will have a similar result. I don’t think that either of us could bear that honestly. However, there is great potential that through this pain we can grow stronger, help others have have gone through it, and share our story with anyone who will listen. I hope that life gets better from here.

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