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ryanberga · 4 years

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At some point will you post some sort of transcript/verbatum of what was said for those of us who haven’t listened/can’t listen so we can understand the situation and what exactly was said in what context (no pressure because I know you said you haven’t listened to it either but some of us [me] are confused and only know that bad things were said but not like what and in what context) thank you for this blog wishing you a less stressful day

i went ahead and transcribed the entire last question for you so that you have the full context. this is 10-15 minutes worth of dialogue so apologies that it's so long! i cut out any irrelevant banter/jokes, and i stopped the transcript where i did because that's the end of the bulk of it. i bolded the parts that i (and most people) have taken issue with

Katie: [reading question] "Guys! I'm in a really sticky situation. For context, I live in rural Ireland, and I'm meant to be starting my first year at uni (you'd say college). My problem is that there's a girl in my friend group that I really despise. There's eight of us in total, so it's easy enough to stay clear of her, but moving to uni was meant to be the perfect time to be able to cut all ties. It's safe for us here in Ireland to be meeting outdoors and even indoors, and I had my friends over for camping a while ago. She didn't show, and it was the first time I felt comfortable in my friend group, as well as the fact that my friend group didn't split into two separate groups as it usually would. I want to go camping again with my friends because it would be such fun, but I don't want to invite her but at the same time don't want to be excluding someone. For context, the problem I have with her is that she can be very judgmental to the point of slut-shaming, as well as having homophobic and racist views. I recently had two friends inside the group come out to me, and one (a newer friend) is oblivious to her views, as she has been less outspoken in the recent year. I'm at a loss what to do because I hate confrontation and don't want to start any drama but am frankly uncomfortable with her. Is it mean to exclude her because who knows if we'll get to start uni and make new friends anytime soon?" [end question] Um, so I chose this because uhh... you know, I think it's a very relatable, common thing to have sort of a friend group that coalesces and to value the group a lot but to figure out over time that maybe somebody in it... you know, doesn't share your ideals or values and to sort of not know what to do when that comes up. And sort of bigger than this person's question, I also think that something that's sort of going on right now is that a lot of people are realizing that they have family or friends or people that they're close to in some capacity that maybe are not as woke as they could be and are maybe resistant to having conversations that they should be having or seeing things in a more progressive light, especially with a lot of what's been going on this year. Um, so it's a really tough thing, I think, to have somebody that you're close to have views that you can't support morally and, you know, with this person, it's easier in the sense that it doesn't sound like she's very close to this person, so if she could just cut her out of her life, it sounds like she'd be happy enough. For a lot of people, that is a tougher choice. So I wanted to talk about it because, um... you know, I think it's a really difficult situation to be in, and, you know, I think if it were me, with this particular group of friends, you know, look, I think if you were just disagreeing over, like, you know, liking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches versus peanut butter and fluff sandwiches, I'd just tell you to, like, get over it and, you know, make peace for the sake of the group because, you know, it's a group of friends, and you like everybody else, so whatever. But racist, homophobic views are not something to just, like, kind of ignore and push aside, especially if you've got friends in the group who literally could be really negatively affected by that. Um... you know, and there's a difference, too, if this person made a joke that they weren't aware of the ramifications of that could maybe be explained to them or maybe could sort of help them work through something, or if this person holds sincere, you know, sincerely racist or homophobic views that aren't—that go beyond ignorance that are, you know, rooted in something deeper. Um, and if it's the latter, you know, I would suggest talking to other friends and seeing if they're having similar impressions of this person, and, you know, if that's the case, you know, I do think that it would be worth finding other friends, you know. That's harsh, but you can't allow yourself and your friends to be influenced by somebody who isn't open to recognizing their humanity. [chuckles]

Katie (cont.): Uhh, and that's obviously the biggest and most dramatic, uhh, that that could go. If this person has maybe made an off-color joke or something and is just ignorant of the ramifications of that joke, don't know where it's origins are, don't know where it came from, then maybe try the softer approach first, try sitting with them one-on-one and being like, "Hey, so, you know, we've been friends for a while, and I've noticed that you've said a couple of things, and I just, you know, they've been offensive to me, and they've hurt me, and I just wanted to see what you meant by them," and sort of let them explain themselves, and if they're just like, "Oh, I didn't—it was just a joke!" then sort of talk to them, tell them why it's not just a joke, tell them why it could hurt people and, without outing anyone in your group, tell them that, you know, you maybe know people who might have been hurt by that. Um, and see if they could around because you're, you know, that would be giving them a chance to sort of realize that maybe they were on the other side of things when they didn't realize that they were, and it gives them a chance to have discourse and maybe see things differently. And, if they don't, well, you know... Yeah, you're going to uni, cut ties. Sorry.

Steven: That's a very tough question.

Shane: Are they going to uni with the person?

Katie: Uh, I think she was saying that they're going to uni and that was going to sort of break up the friend group, so she wasn't worried about it?

Shane: Oh. I see.

Katie: But because, um... Because, like, it's being delayed...

Shane: Mhm.

Steven: Yeah. Ohhh, I see.

Katie: She's sort of still hanging out with this group, and she's having a tough time with it.

Steven: Right. And wants to go camping.

Katie: And, yeah, specifically, she's got this last thing, she wants to have another camping trip with this group of friends. She just needs to not invite this person, but obviously that would probably be seen as a bit harsh by everybody. So. I don't know, that's my first blush at it. Do you guys have...?

Shane: Yeah, I mean, I would talk to them. I don't know if it's talking to them with, uh, other friends to make it seem like it's not, you know, a one-on-one thing, but I guess you also don't wanna... I don't know, it's very situational. I would definitely talk to them, and then, you know, try to communicate the weight of things, you know. Some people are very flippant with things. Also, you know, their empathy center kinda involves a little slower than others. Uh, some people are not intentionally malicious when they're younger, they just don't realize uh, you know, the impact of certain things, and, uh, I think people are capable of growing and learning, uh, which is great, especially young people. Um... but uh... you know, at a certain point, it's not your responsibility to... to... [chuckles] uh, force them to grow. Uh, so, I would say have a conversation with them. Try to push them in a direction, and if that's not working then maybe... maybe they have to be comfortable with the fact that you don't want to hang out with them anymore. You know?

Katie: Yeah. I agree.

Shane: That's what I'd say.

Katie: Mhm.

Steven: I mean, but the question really is how does this person do this camping trip or does—do you exclude her? Do you not—because I'm trying to think of the solution for that, and that's where I'm—I mean, frankly, I'm kind of stuck, too because, like you said, Shane, it's very situational. It's hard to really read into this because I have a lot of friends who are a little bit racist and a little homophobic, and I'm still friends with them. And I'm not saying that, uh, I'm still friends with them because of their values, I'm... I.... I just value them as people themselves, and I try to keep them around and try to, you know, educate them with what I can, but it's not something that, um... I don't want to... I don't know, I don't want to cut ties with everybody because of their belief system because I—frankly, I have a different value system from Katie and Shane and Ryan, like, we're—I think a lot of it is on a spectrum, but if this person is outwardly judgmental, it's really hard to say. It's hard for me to, uh, read into this because my initial reaction is to try to be as understanding as possible to this person, and to at least try to have a conversation, like Shane was saying. Um, and it would be mean to exclude her because it would be targeted at her specifically, but, um, the way to get ahead of that is... all you gotta do is be super passive-aggressive and find a camping spot that only allows seven people.

Shane: [laughs]

Katie: [laughs]

Steven: No, no, that's not the answer, that's not the answer! Don't do that! Um—

Shane: You probably wanna have the conversation before the camping trip.

Steven: Yes.

Katie: Yeah!

Shane: Ideally.

Steven: Just talk to the person directly. I think that's the only way to have to do it, and to, like, do it respectfully. Honestly? It's gonna hurt, it's gonna suck, and they may hate you forever, but it seems like you don't really care what they think about you anyway, so, uh, just have the hard conversation, but, when you do, don't come across it as "I am judging you for your judgmentalness." It's more like, "Hey, I want to do this out of, like, you know, because I care about you as a person, even though I don't believe everything you believe. I want you to change, and I want you to grow." And having that posture of patience is better and will come across a lot cleaner and maybe she won't be so defensive about her thoughts. It's a tough one.

#anonymous #answered #long post

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stephic-writings · 3 years

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The Greatest Game -- Felix x Sylvain (Round One)

Oh hey! Is this me writing a fanfic finally? Gasp! Is this me writing a Fire Emblem Three Houses fic too? Gasp again!

I’ve actually been sitting on this fic for awhile now, but I revisited it pretty recently! And what’s more is that the amount of stuff that I want to include with it means that it’s a chapter-based fic, something that I don’t do very often. Whoa! I’m excited to work on this in between things, as I’ve missed having a cooldown writing or just a fanfic to work on in between my work. I hope you guys enjoy it too! I miss writing romantic comedies~

Especially when I get to write tsunderes. Felix is the best tsundere archetype, and I love it.

WARNINGS: Sexual Tension, Idiots Being Idiots, Probably Some Naughty Stuff Later On Ships: Sylvain Jose Gautier/Felix Hugo Fraldarius Chapter Word Count: 2198

Read on AO3 too!

It was always a game to him. A competition. A hunt. The hunter would find its prey, stalk it down, and wait until it exhausted itself. And when it was weak and vulnerable, the hunter -- predator – would strike. To the prey, it was all but a brief flash before it was all over from there and their once pleasant life was spiraled into chaos. But to the hunter, it was a thrilling game. The adrenaline caused by the sensation of a successful hunt was enough to send a shiver down his spine. He engrossed himself in such behavior until he devolved into an intoxicated beast who was only sated by the hunt.

And it was what disgusted Felix about Sylvain. He assumed this kind of hunter/hunted mentality would come from the boar himself, but no. Even Dmitri was reasonable enough to put a damn muzzle on himself to calm down even after war broke out, especially whenever their childhood professor was involved. That red-headed menace, however, was a far different story. Uncontrollable, unsated even after five years of potential maturity that seemed to skip over him completely, Sylvain found himself less interested in the art of war and more in the art of seduction -- the hunt. Many warriors wished to be as skillful at combat as Sylvain was at charming women, for it truly was a feat – a talent once could say.

Not that Felix would outright say it. To Felix, Sylvain was nothing more than a degenerate heathen who needed a goddamn reality check. Seducing women was not something to take pride in, because obviously those women needed much more training in resisting emotional manipulation. Sharpen your mind like any blade, and you could see through such fiendish tactics that a dog like Sylvain would use.

Instead of chasing skirts, Sylvain should have been taking his training more seriously, for it took Felix approximately two seconds in one solid movement to knock him down. A simple sweep of the leg, a hilt to the correct pressure point on the back of the neck, and Sylvain was groaning on the ground with Felix’s foot pressed on that thick skull of his.

“…You’re dead. Again.”

“Aw, come on. There was a fly distracting me that time.” Sylvain grunted as Felix stepped off him. His hair was even more tossed around as he sat up, fresh dirt on his cheek and tunic as he gave an annoyed frown. “I feel like you’re just purposely ‘killing’ me in these combat scenarios now.”

“Of course I am, you idiot. Every enemy out there is trying to ‘purposely’ kill you, so you better get your act together.” Felix made his way to the weapon’s rack, tossing aside his training sword amidst the pile of worn-down wood. Lately, he would wear down these training blades faster than he anticipated. Every time he’d do a sparring session with his red-headed companion, he’d go through at least three of them. Oh well… Another blade, for another round. “One more time.”

“Really?! We’ve already gone at least five rounds.”

“Are you saying that you have endurance in the bedroom but not in a fight? That speaks wonders about your endurance as a whole…”

Sylvain jerked his head away to hide the little bit of tarnished pride he had before he finally managed to get himself to his feet again. He could feel his knees shake from all the bruises he’s gotten on them. Felix always did think it was funny to go for the knees. “You really know how to wound me, Felix. My body, my ego. Are you angry at me or something? Is this about what happened last night? I mean, I already said I was sorry.”

“Sorry won’t change the fact that I found you broke into my room and fell on me with the scullery maid.”

“…Okay, I admit. That was a pretty bad situation. But it was dark, and your room looked just like mine from a darkened perspective-“

“I don’t need any more excuses, Sylvain.” Felix’s eyes furrowed at his red-headed combatant, hand gripping tight to the new training sword as he wandered his way towards one of the training dummies. “Chasing women and flirting your way into people’s hearts won’t help you survive out there on the battlefield. What do you plan on doing when you’re faced with a great enemy? Wink at them and ask them to dinner?”

Sylvain paused for a moment before a smirk crept onto his face. “Well, if it works, it works.”

“Sylvain.”

“What? Why are you even bringing all this up? Don’t tell me you’re getting jealous, Felix.”

The swordsman let out a scoff, blowing his bangs from his eyes as he wipes away the sweat from his neck. Or at least, Felix told himself that. He had to place his hand over the vein on his neck that throbbed in annoyance at the mention of Felix’s jealousy. Felix was not jealous of Sylvain. This dumb oaf was full of himself if he even thought that. And Felix didn’t even need to say a single word to express how ridiculous the idea was as he turned to Sylvain, brown eyes piercing daggers into the red-haired man.

The expression prompted Sylvain to sigh as he threw his arms out to the side in frustration. “What do you expect me to do? I’m not some war machine like you or Dmitri. Hell, if I had it my way, I’d say we talk to Edelgard, take her out to a nice dinner, and let her and Dmitri talk things out under a candlelit moonlight.”

“That sounds ridiculous and delusional.”

“Then what’s your big plan?” As Felix hacked away at the stuffed hay figure, Sylvain made his way over, leaning against the unclaimed training dummy nearby. His eyes lazily watched Felix, seeing that the aggression in his eyes were tainted by a hint of annoyance and a desperate need to distract himself from something. Sylvain arched an eyebrow in thought. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of one. Does that mean we’re just going to waltz up to the front gates of the Empire and kill every last one of them?”

“If that’s what we have to do, then yes.”

“What kind of plan is that? At least my idea has some diplomacy involved.”

With Felix’s next swing, the training sword had found itself lodged into the mannequin with his powerful Felix’s strike. Sylvain’s eyes widened, feeling a bit of cold sweat beat down as Felix let go of the sword and glared at Sylvain.

Sylvain’s expression relaxed slightly as he noticed Felix’s demeanor change. Yes, he was still as irritated as ever, but he stepped up to Sylvain to get in his face. Sylvain couldn’t help but chuckle. Even after five years, Felix was still shorter than he was. It made Felix’s attempt to size him up all the less intimidating. Good, for it was enough for Sylvain to stand his guard, looking down to Felix as he observed the very distinct scowl wrinkles under his eyes and on his brows. Sylvain tilted his head, a smile curling at the corners of his mouth as he leaned closer to listen to Felix’s snarls.

“Seduction is not diplomacy. And I know for a damn fact that it won’t win you any battles, Sylvain. So rely on your manipulation tactics all that you like. Just know that it will get you killed in the end.”

“You think that I can’t charm my way to a win?”

“I know you can’t.”

“Then how about we bet on it?”

Felix’s eyes narrowed at Sylvain’s words, just as the red-head predicted. As expected, Felix could never turn down a challenge -- especially not one against Sylvain. It was only confirmed officially when Felix crossed his arms and quizzically muttered under his breath. “What kind of bet?”

“It’s simple. You’re saying that I can’t take down someone with just my charm alone, right?”

“I’m saying it will get you killed.”

“And let’s say I don’t get killed… Then I win the battle, right?”

Felix didn’t outwardly admit it, but the look in his eye let Sylvain know that he had a point. “Get on with it.”

“I’m betting that I can win a fight with just my charm alone. I won’t make any swings or dirty blows. Instead, I’ll use all of my hard-learned skills as a romantic to take down my greatest opponent.”

“Greatest opponent, huh?” Felix unfolded his arms, resting them on his sides as he challenged Sylvain with his stature. “And who would that be? Ingrid? Mercedes? The head chef?”

“ You.”

For someone as guarded as Felix was, his eyes widened when he processed Sylvain’s words. A challenge of charm alone… To take down Sylvain’s greatest opponent, Felix himself. He must have been joking? What kind of idiot was he? A serious one, Felix realized. For when his eyes looked away to process the notion, they returned back to a sultry gaze -- one that was much closer than Felix had recalled just mere seconds ago. The swordsman grit his teeth, reaching out and planting his palm firmly against Sylvain’s face as he pushed him away. “Stop fooling around. Your jokes aren’t funny.”

“You think I’m joking?”

Felix wasn’t expected for Sylvain to take his wrist in response. Rather than a firm jerk that he was expected, the swordsman found himself guided back towards the cavalier. Felix stared in disbelief, an arm around his waist that kept him back in his place as Sylvain very gently caressed the swordsman’s calloused fingers. He didn’t know how to react to the red-haired man’s gesture like this. Instead, he was left in the hold with eyebrows furrowed and body temporarily stunned.

Sylvain grinned back at him. “If I can seduce you in two weeks time, then I win. If I can’t, then you win. How’s that sound?”

“You? Seduce me?” Felix gawked, jerking his hand back but still remaining in Sylvain’s embrace. “Have you grown bored of your usual prey?”

“I wouldn’t say that. But you’re sounding a lot like you’re backing away from a challenge, Felix. What? Think you’d lose?”

“N-Nonsense.” Felix’s attention broke from Sylvain’s eyes as he felt fingers brush just underneath the hem of his shirt. He couldn’t help but make a face at the sensation. Of course Sylvain’s fingers would be cold… Felix forced his attention back to Sylvain again, this time with an expression far more serious. “If I accept this challenge from you, you nor I would be losing anything from it. A bet has to have something at stake for it to be worth taking.”

“I guess you’re right…”

Sylvain’s gaze softened in thought before he loosened his hold around Felix. But just before he could step away, a hand shot out, latching onto Sylvain’s forearm and keeping him there. Felix’s gaze didn’t focus on the brown pair that looked at him in surprise. “If I win, then you’ll cease your fraternizing once and for all and focus on your training more. I’m not going to let you flake out and die on me out there, got it?”

A chuckle came from the red-head as he stepped back to Felix. “I hear you, I hear you. Have to keep my promise and everything, right?” Felix was quiet, only causing Sylvain to let out a small sigh as he looked at Felix with a gentle smile. The bet wasn’t even on, and already Sylvain wanted to lay on the charm. How could anyone resist a grumpy face like that? “If I win though… You have to do whatever I tell you to do. One thing. That’s all.”

“Knowing you, you’d weasel your way around it. Saying that you want me to do ‘anything you want.’” Felix gripped the front of Sylvain’s tunic, pulling him down to his height as he glared. “You won’t win against me, Sylvain.”

“You’re sounding awfully confident there, Felix.” Sylvain grinned at the swordsmen, who only returned an irritated expression back. “This isn’t a battle of swords anymore, so I hope you’re ready to be disarmed by me.”

A grunt was all that Felix could retort with as he tossed Sylvain’s tunic forward to get the other man from him. Felix was the one that sounded confident? Sylvain was over there talking big when the bet hadn’t even started yet. That kind of arrogance just made Felix want to win even more. The swordsman went back to the bench, picking up his coat before he made his way towards the exit of the training grounds. Felix wouldn’t drop his guard for a degenerate like Sylvain. He always won in their competitions before, he would continue to do so -- no matter how confident Sylvain was in himself.

“By the way, Felix?”

“What now, Sylvain?”

“...Nice ass.”

Felix stopped dead in his tracks, his expression screaming Excuse me? He turned to do a double-take, eyebrow arching and the faintest blush over his pale face as he turned towards Sylvain. Sylvain winked in response, giving a wave to Felix as the swordsman stormed away and leaving Sylvain behind with a smirk on his face.

#stephic writings #fanfiction #fire emblem three houses #fe3h fanfiction #fanfic #sylvain gautier #felix fraldarius #sylvain #felix #fe3h #sylvain jose gautier #felix hugo fraldarius #i don't know how to tag a new fandom #this is the first time i'm writing in this fandom #whoooooa!#i'm hyped!#i hope you guys enjoy it though #i can't wait to keep writing on this #:DDD

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writinginthedarkwood · 4 years

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I had an idea for an OC if you want it. A woman/girl with a love quirk that makes it so anyone who looks her in the eyes falls madly in love with her with like everything that comes with it whether it be lust or possessiveness or snuggles and the person under her quirk is just the maxed out version of themself in love. She doesn’t intentionally use her quirk because she learned really quick how awkward it is to look at someone and them to propose so she wears a blind fold everywhere.

You didn't say who your favorite character was.... so I picked someone for you 🥰

Shoto Todoroki x Reader: Eye Love You.

“What a pretty little girl.” Your mother beamed with pride as the man smiled down at you. You were five, around the same age as all the other children who started developing their quirks when the first incident happened. Your mother and father felt like they had no reason to be concerned about your future powers. Your mom was a gentle heart, who could ease people's anxieties with a soft touch. Your father had piercing golden eyes that could see into the hearts of people, and find out who they loved the most. Both unique quirks, but nothing incredibly powerful. So when you woke up with the same liquid golden pools one morning, they were happy. You had hidden behind your mother's legs that afternoon, and she pushed you to say thank you to the man. “T-thank you.” You stuttered out, looking up to see the wrinkled face of the older gentleman. The man staggered back, gripping his head like he was in pain. “Sir are you alright?” Your mother asked, reaching out to touch him with her hand. He quickly stood up straight with a pained look on his face. “How much to marry your daughter? I have my check book right here!” He tried to grab your mother’s shoulders, she reeled back in horror, the shouting man starting to draw a crowd. “What are you talking about?” She picked you off of the ground and held you tightly to her chest. “Get away from us!” A patrolling hero strolled over to help, placing himself between the two of you and the increasingly more aggressive man. “Please mam, I love her! I’ll pay you any amount if you just give her to me!” The hero ended up escorting the man away, taking him into police custody as the man started to fight.

Your parents have never outwardly said to you, that they fear your power. They didn’t have too. “See Y/N, we got you masks in every pretty color. This one even has sequins.” Your father said, trying to convince you to wear your blind fold. “But papa I don’t wanna wear a mask over my eyes...” You whined and cried, but eventually it became routine to wear an eye covering everywhere you went. You got fairly good at navigating the world without being able to see fully. Your eye coverings blurred the world, but didn’t completely darken it.

Lost in thought you were startled by someone brushing past you sort of harshly, their shoulder shoving you to the side and forcing you to slam against the locker. “Ow!” You couldn’t tell who had pushed you so rudely, they continued to walk away without much of a glance in your direction.

“Hey you!” A lower voice you hadn’t heard before called out from behind you to the person who gave you a push. “What?” The shover called back, annoyed. “You hurt this girl and didn’t say excuse me.” “So?”

“So you should apologize.” The voice was monotone, but stern.

“Or what?” The bully sneered. A softer voice, like the person was trying to whisper spoke up. “Hey didn’t you know that’s Endeavors kid?”

Endeavor’s son? You’d heard of him, but you’d think he would be too busy to stop and help someone from the Management class. “Hey man look, I don’t want any trouble but she was walking too slow. Sorry or whatever-” The kid said before shuffling off.

“Are you alright?” Todoroki turned to you. You had a few good friends here, but most people generally ignore you. Rumors at your old school flew around that you would curse people who were mean to you, forcing them to fall in love with you and do your every wish. It was frustrating to have people view you in such a negative light, you’d never use your powers on someone on purpose. It was cruel to watch people lose themselves, you could ruin someone’s life with your quirk. Break up a happy home, destroy someone’s relationship in a flash. You’d only ever used your quirk by accident, and hated yourself for it every time.

It was easier not to have anyone too close to you.

“Yeah, I’m okay. You didn’t have to say anything to him.” You angled your face to the ground, seeing the outline of his shoes. “Where are you heading?” Shoto asked.

“I’m meeting some students from the support class in the library. We’re all working on a project together.” In management you got to work with a lot of other students at U.A. You might not be the best at punching villains, but you could run numbers and execute ideas in a group setting really well. “I’ll walk you there. I’m heading that direction too.” You didn’t know, but Shoto was actually head the exact opposite way. He had plans to return to his dorm, but for some reason he felt intrigued by you and your strange little mask and decided he would make sure you got to the library without any more trouble. “Oh, well great.” You smiled, feeling a bit shy.

The next morning you heard a familiar voice call out to you. “Good morning Todoroki. Did you find that book you were looking for?” You asked sweetly. Surprised and happy he greeted you. “What book?” He asked, sounding confused. “The book you said you needed from the library last night, silly.” You giggled. Todoroki hadn’t checked anything out. He lied so you wouldn’t think he was just trying to walk with you. “Truthfully I didn’t really need anything. I just wanted to make sure nobody else bothered you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. He spent the entire night tossing and turning, picturing your lovely cheekbones and smile. “That’s very heroic of you, but I can handle myself.”

“I’m sure you can. Can I walk you to class?”

Everyday, Todoroki would wait for you and walk you to your classroom. Much to the jealousy of a few girls who felt a little obsessed with the quiet fire prince. He didn’t seem to care, or even really notice how popular he was. It took a few weeks, but he started to open up more of his personality for you to see. Making a few jokes, laughing a bit at your witty and sarcastic comments. You were both similar in the way that it took some chipping down to open up about things. The two of you sat outside in the sunshine, feeling the beautiful spring air in your hair. “My mom always loves the flower blossoms this time of year.” Shoto said quietly, he had his hands clasped tightly together in his lap as the two of you relaxed on a bench. “I wish I could see them. They smell beautiful.” Shoto was quiet for a moment. “Well why don’t you take your blind fold off? I’ll watch for anyone walking by.”

Your heart lurched, this always happened. The closer you got with someone, the more comfortable they were being around you. It’s dangerous to not be on your toes, you thought. “I wish I could Shoto.”

Without saying anything he loosened the knot on the back of your head, the thin cloth falling into your lap. You quickly covered your face with a gasp. “Shoto! That’s not funny.” You felt panic rise in your chest. “I need you to look away while I put it back on. I’m serious.”

“I would never pull a prank on you. Do you trust me?” He said softly. Shoto reached out and gently took your hand and pulled it off of your face. He lead your chin to look his direction with his finger. You had your eyes shut tightly still. “Open your eyes Y/N. Please, I want you to see my face.”

You wanted to cry. “Shoto, I can’t control my quirk.”

“Do you trust me?”

“I-I do.” You said meekly.

“Then please, open your eyes.”

He was beautiful. You had imagined what he looked like for weeks now, but you never thought he would look so lovely. Your heart lurched seeing the scarred patch of skin on his face. Your awe was quickly smothered by a wave of panic. “Shoto I’m so sorry, are you okay?” You reached out and grabbed his face, looking for any signs of a change in him.

“I feel perfectly fine Y/N. I promise.” He gave you the sweetest, slight smile.

“Wait... does my quirk not work on you...?” You asked confused.

“It doesn’t have too.” He leaned in, closing the space between you two and planting a soft kiss on your lips. He pulled away, admiring your stunned expression. “I already love you.”

#bnha fanfiction #bnha fic #bnha fluff #shoto todoroki #todoroki fluff #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki x female reader #todoroki headcanons #shoto #todoroki imagine #bnha oc #bnha requests

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astralkoo · 5 years

Text

Beautifully Misfit | 4

SERIES: Hybrid BTS

‣ Genre: fluff, smut, hybrid au

‣ Word Count: 8.5k

‣ Pairing(s): skunk!Jimin x reader, puppy!Taehyung x reader, bunny!Jungkook x reader

‣ Warnings: strong language, Baby Kookie can’t read very well ;(, food porn (I’m not kidding), y/n deadass has a pizza kink, Jimin being tiny, nothing else really

‣ to be aware of: sub!jimin, switch!taehyung, switch!jungkook, dom!reader, some kinky ass future happenings, BDSM themes, some heavy angst, and triggering themes.

Summary: you never really saw yourself as a hybrid person. that is, until your best friend introduces you to his hybrid, and you suddenly find yourself craving the companionship. you only intended to bring home one. somewhere between the lines you ended up with three beautifully misfit hybrids who craved nothing but your love.

part. i, ii, iii, iv, v (coming soon)

A/N; I’m sorry this took so long to get up, i’m a slow writer when I’m not motivated, but yesterday I buckled down and wrote over five thousand words because I was determined to get this part posted for you lovely people. hope you enjoy! lmk if I didn’t tag you and you wanted to be added to the tag list!!

“Oh my god you live in a palace!” Taehyung gasped, pressing his face against the window of your passenger’s side seat. You giggled at the absolute wonder that sparkled in his dark eyes as you pulled into your driveway.

Actually getting the three hybrids to your home was probably more difficult than it should have been.

Taehyung was really the only one that understood the general ins and outs of cars, while Jimin and Jungkook were at a total loss. Jungkook expressed through broken sentences that the last time he’d been in a car, he’d been forced to sit in the truck. They may have put a crack in your heart.

After stuffing all their belongings (which was a shockingly small amount considering there were three of them) into the trunk, it took a solid ten minutes just to get Jungkook to accept that he needed to wear a seatbelt; he damn near ripped it out of your car with all his unnecessary tugging and squirming. You’re ashamed to admit you were very much debating just tying him up with some rope and duct tape to keep him still.

It took another twenty to reassure an anxious Jimin that the car would not eat him and the seatbelt was just to keep him from falling out of his seat. It took Taehyung offering Jimin one of his stuffed animals, an adorable yellow chicklet, for him to finally relax. And you’d be lying if you said seeing the petite skunk hybrid clutching the little stuffed animal to his chest in his tiny hands wasn’t the purest thing you’d ever laid eyes on,

All the while Taehyung was happily bouncing in the passenger seat, a big boxy grin plastered across his handsome face as he waited for you to begin the drive home.

“Not quite,” you chuckled in amusement at his awestruck expression, “but it’s pretty, isn’t it?”

You weren’t going to deny it; you had a nice home.

Plenty of spacious rooms, a beautiful pool accompanied by a hot tub, three bedrooms– although only one (now two) being put to its intended use as the third was being used as an in home gym area. Not a mansion by any standards but definitely up in the higher percentile.

It, of course, had originally been a surprise from your Aunt when you graduated from college. Talk about extravagant gift giving. But she wouldn’t allow you to turn it away, no matter how adamantly you insisted you wouldn’t be able to maintain the place. For god’s sake you were just coming out of the shitty run down college dorms and suddenly having this gorgeous house catapulted onto you. She claimed that it was either hand it down to you or send a bulldozer over the property.

And you were not one to enjoy seeing beautiful things being carelessly destroyed.

So in spite of initial hesitance, you accepted. It took you awhile to adjust to the place, but once you had, it really had become a home to you. And you hoped it could become a home to your three new hybrids as well. A place they could feel safe to be themselves, a place where they didn’t have to hide themselves out of insecurity or fear of rejection. A place they could find genuine happiness.

Shit, when’d you get so sappy?

“Big! Big!” Jungkook chanted as he popped his head between your and Taehyung’s seat to get a better view, blinking those big sparkling eyes in amazement. You giggled, before turning to glance at Jimin. His eyes were squinted, face strained as it seemed he was having some trouble making out what he was looking at. But as soon as he realized you were looking, he plastered a shy, unconvincing smile across his face, head bowing.

“I–it’s nice…” you opened your mouth to question him, but Jungkook cut you off.

“Kookie go in now,” He declared. You watched in amusement as he pushed at the door, nowhere near the handle. He blinked in confusion as it didn’t immediately pop open for him. He then tried a random button, flinching in surprise as the window began to lower. He watched, seemingly transfixed as it slid out of sight, before placing his feet on top of the seat and crouching. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he was about to do.

“Jungkook no!” You laughed loudly, reaching back and gently gripping the back of his shirt to keep him from launching himself head first out the window.

He turned to you with the cutest look of frustration, “why?”

“Pull the handle and then push,” you instructed, pointing to it.

He cautiously wrapped his hand around said handle, pulling it towards him and then pushing rather harshly on the door. His brows jumped up in amazement as the door easily swung open. It was only when he immediately hopped out of the car that you realized his seatbelt hadn’t been securely strapped around him. He must’ve undone it when you weren’t looking. Mischievous bunny.

Taehyung turned to you, with excitement in his eyes, “are we allowed to go inside now? I really want to see what it’s like inside!” His enthusiasm was contagious, and a wide smile broke out on your face.

“Of course! Let’s head in.”

Taehyung squealed, quickly undoing his seatbelt and rushing out of the car. You smiled to yourself, about to exit the vehicle before suddenly catching a glimpse of Jimin in the back seat. His lower lip was sucked into his mouth, his knees pulled up to his chest as he cradled the small chick under his chin, delicate eyes downcast. He looked so conflicted.

“Are you coming?” Taehyung tilted his head in confusion upon noticing neither of you had moved from your seats.

“Um— why don’t you go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute, okay? The key is under the potted plant on the right side of the door, you know how to use it?” Taehyung quickly nodded and bounced off to join Jungkook (who was aggressively pulling at the doorknob) at the door.

Once he was out of earshot, you returned your attention to Jimin. “Hey, Jimin, are you alright?”

Despite you having intentionally softened your voice, he still flinched, eyes sliding up to unsurely meet yourself. He seemed at a loss for words, mouth opening and shutting multiple times, on the verge of speaking but never getting out so much as a squeak.

But he did gasp in surprise as you suddenly jumped into the backseat (not very gracefully but still managing not to crack your head open so you’re chilling). “Hi there,” you smiled widely at the slightly baffled skunk hybrid.

“Hi…” his voice was quiet as a pin drop. His closed off nature was really beginning to show, and it made your heart sore with sadness.

“How are you feeling? Please be honest with me,” you shifted slightly closer to him, a tender upturn of your lips all it took to coax him out of his anxious silence.

He swallowed, gaze flitting. “I’m… I guess I’m… scared…”

“What’re you scared of?” You carefully pushed, wanting more than anything to reach out and run your knuckles over one of those adorably round cheeks, but refraining– just barely.

He sucked his frustratingly perfect lips into his mouth, noncommittally shrugging his shoulders as his grip on the small stuffed animal tightened. “I don’t… know… a lot of things, I guess…” each word seemed to grow quieter and quieter as it escaped him.

“It’s okay to be scared,” you murmured softly, “I know all of this change is scary. And, I know we don’t know each other very well right now, but I’d really like to get to know you, Jimin. All of you. I want us to be a real family, and I know we can be. Just… don’t give up on me just yet, okay? I’m pretty fuck— freaking far from perfect, so I know I’ll most definitely make a few mistakes. But I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy, I can promise you that.”

He looked up at you slowly, dark eyes shining behind his bangs. Shit, he had such beautiful eyes. Your chest tightened a bit as a wave of nerves struck you suddenly. You really hoped you said the right things, that maybe he’d trust you just a little bit more. Any progress is still progress, after all— another thing you’d learned from your oh–so wise auntie.

“Would you like to come inside now?”

You extended your hand for him with a gentle smile. The corners of his lips twitched upward subtly, and he shyly nodded his head, “y–yes.”

His hand was warm and soft, and small oh god it was so small as it slid delicately into your palm. You had to hold your breath as you carefully guided him out of the car from the pure adoration you felt towards him.

He didn’t let go of your hand the entire way to your front door, head bowed as an endearing blush settled on his cheeks.

Somehow, you remained outwardly composed. Stepping through the threshold of your front door, you were immediately greeted by a gasping Taehyung as he darted back and forth, taking in every last inch of your home with massive, shining eyes. You giggled, cupping a hand over your mouth as you watched the excited pup practically bounce off the walls every time he discovered something new to gawk at.

“Look at this! Oh my god what is that!? Wow that’s so cool! I’ve never seen one of these before! It’s so pretty! Can I keep this? Ohmygoditssoshiny,” words, questions, and exclamations were being spit out of his mouth faster than you could keep track. Suddenly he halted, ears raised, tail stiff, “wait a second.”

“Is–is something wrong?”

“Yes!” He yelped, before his eyes met yours, and he seemed to shrink in on himself, “I mean— no, no definitely not. Everything is perfectly perfect and beautiful and amazing…”

“But?” You tilted your head, watching as a soft pout twisted the corners of his lips downwards.

“But…” he swallowed, rocking on the balls of his feet as he fiddled with his fingers behind his back, “I was wondering— you mentions— are there may be any—”

It suddenly clicked what he was so hopelessly searching for. A playful, mischievous smile twitched at the corners of your mouth. “Toys?”

His entire body seemed to jump upright, ears raising to their full height, tail whipping upwards and twitching in tiny anticipating wags, eyebrows dramatically lifting as his eyes widened adorably. A desperate whine ripped from his lips as he performed a little wiggle.

“If you go up the stairs, turn left, last door on your right—” aaand he was off.

“OHMYGOD,” you heard his muffled screams of glee, snorting loudly.

Puppy has a kink for toys, that’s for sure.

“Where the hell is Jungkook?” You muttered, suddenly realizing you hadn’t seen or heard him since you walking into your home.

It was more to yourself really, but Jimin stuck his button nose up in the air nonetheless. You watched in amazement as he inhaled deeply, chest inflating, before his finger raised, pointing towards your back door.

“Shit, but that leads to the—”

A loud splash had you shrieking in horror and bolting outside, damn near cracking the glass sliding door in your haste.

The crystal blue water of your pool was jumping and foaming, angrily disturbed from its previous calmness. Below the surface there was a dark, distorted blob, slowly sinking.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you cursed loudly, “Jungkook!”

This would only fucking happen to you of all the people in the fucking world. You brought the hybrids home not ten minutes ago and one of them was already in danger. There was no way in hell you were about to let his little mutant bunny ass drown.

“Mother of shitness—” those were the last words to escape your lips before you heaved in two lungfuls of air and dove head first into the chilly water. You forced your eyes open in the chlorinated water, easily locating a blurry dark form a little way in front of you.

But, it wasn’t sinking.

In fact, it was rising. Very quickly.

The fuCK.

Breaking the surface, you were immediately greeted by a casually treading bunny hybrid. His eyebrows raised a fraction upon seeing you in front of him, but the surprised look vanished into a happy smile.

“Swim with Kookie?” He asked innocently, head tilting.

“Are you kidding me, Jungkook? Why in the holy hell did you think getting into the pool fully dressed was a good idea?” You hissed, water splashing as you clumsily tread, legs kicking quickly as your hands flung around.

His brows furrowed, a confused pout touching his lips as he glanced down at your submerged body. “Full dress, too?”

“I thought you fell in and were drowning or some shit, I was trying to save you!” You cried, “you gave me a fucking heart attack, Jungkook!”

He suddenly smiled shyly, cheeks rising as his gaze flicked down, “save Kookie?”

“Yes, save Kookie! But apparently Kookie doesn’t need any saving because Kookie already knows how to swim and purposeful jumped into my pool with all his clothes on,” You hissed, reaching out to grab his hand and tugging him to the edge of the pool, “now it’s time for Kookie to get out of the pool.”

You hauled yourself out first, grimacing as your clothes stuck like glue to your skin. Not to mention wet socks. You can’t imagine a time you’d ever been more uncomfortable than when you were wearing wet socks.

With a defeated sigh, you swiveled around, about to lend the bunny a helping hand, “Okay, Jungkook hop out— Jungkook what the hell happened to your clothes?!”

He smiled, proudly pointing at the pile of sopping wet clothes sitting on the side of the pool that he’d managed to strip off weirdly fast. “Naked!” He chirped like it was the most natural thing in the world.

God have mercy.

…

“Okay Jungkook, repeat to me the rules?” You hummed, carefully towel drying his wet hair, making sure to be extra gentle with his big, sensitive ears in the way.

“No pool without ask. Hm, no run near pool. No swim ‘lone. No outside after dark. No swim full dress. And… and no swim naked.”

“That’s right! Good job, Kookie,” you cooed, and he grinned proudly, wiggling happily in place. You turned your attention to the other two hybrids in the room.

Jimin was nestled up against your back, sleepily watching the movie you’d put on for them. Homeward Bound, a personal childhood favorite of yours. Never failed to bring you to tears. Taehyung, who’s made himself comfortable on the floor in front of you, was more engrossed with the dinosaur squeaky toy that he was happily gnawing on, squeaking up a storm. It might have gotten on your nerve had he not looked so fucking adorable, big eyes shiny with happiness and lips drawn into a never wavering grin.

“You hear that boys? Those rules apply to you, too. I don’t need anymore incidents like today.” You informed sternly, drawing both of their attentions to you.

Taehyung quickly nodded his head, toy dropping from his mouth and into his lap as he spoke, “I understand! I’ll be real good, promise! I’m good at following rules, I think.”

You reached down, ruffling his hair in praise. His tail quickly began beating against the hardwood floor with loud thumps as he leaned into your touch, grinning widely. You turned your attention to the skunk curled up behind you, peering over your shoulder.

“Jimin?”

“I–I don’t like to swim… but I understand.” He affirmed in that soft, melodic voice of his, thick with sleepiness. Jungkook piped in before you could reply.

“Kookie like to swim! What Kookie swim in?”

“When we go shopping tomorrow, I’ll buy Kookie a swimsuit,” you explained simply, briefly taking your focus off of drying his dark locks to meet his gaze, lips twitching upward at how cute he looked, white towel laid on top of his head, ears flopping down on either side of his face.

The incident with Jungkook leaping into your pool opened up a few fundamental truths you’d have to face.

One; clothes. They needed clothes. The one thing you’d failed to collect on your shopping binge earlier in the week for obvious reasons were things for your hybrids to wear. And of the very few things they’d brought from the shelter, outfits held an even smaller portion. Having all worn the same white scrubs everyday left little need for duplicates.

And after Jungkook soaked his only pair, you’d had to force him into one of your favorite pairs of large grey sweatpants and an extra large white t-shirt that somehow still managed to hug ever inch his admittedly muscular body. It was an interesting look for him. It made Taehyung giggle, that’s for sure.

You also made a mental note that Jimin needed glasses ASAP. He obviously had a lot of difficulty seeing things beyond a certain distance and you were surprised he hadn’t been given any at the shelter. Getting glasses was a long, annoying, and expensive process, but you didn’t mind as long as he’d be able to see properly.

Two; they might need some help navigating life outside of the shelter. You’d definitely be needing to set some boundaries. Obviously, they’d spent most of their lives in small living quarters, closed off from the real word. As a result, they’ve never been exposed to many seemingly ordinary courtesies such as manners, or public decency…or not stripping buck naked whenever they damn well feel like it. That could use some adjustment.

And three; Jungkook was going to be keeping you on your toes for a while. You’d have to keep an eye on that little troublemaking bastard at all times to make sure he doesn’t do something unintentionally reckless and get himself hurt.

All in all, you felt a second massive shopping spree was in order. This time for more specific commodities.

“Kookie swim in swim…s–suit?” He asked, stuttering faintly on the pronunciation.

That reminded you, you’d also need to ask Hoseok about speech lessons to help Jungkook with communication. As far as you can tell, he has no problem getting his point across, you can understand him perfectly fine, but to what extent does it reach?

“Can I get a swimsuit, too?” Taehyung asked, a pleading pout resting on his lips.

“Of course, you can all get swimsuits,” you glanced at Jimin, “just in case you ever change your mind. Now that that’s settled…” you pulled the towel off of Jungkook’s now only slightly damp hair, jumping up off the couch, “who wants pizza?”

All the boys seemed the grimace at the mention of the cheesy delicacy.

“What’s with those faces? Don’t tell me you don’t like pizza,” you laughed, but it died in your throat almost immediately.

You gaped at them in horror, clasping a hand over your mouth as they all shared a telling look. No fucking way. They didn’t like pizza? How was that possible? Maybe they were lactose intolerant or something. There had to be an explanation.

“How do you guys not like pizza? I practically live off of it most days of the week!” Taehyung flinched faintly as you raised your voice, despite your harmless intention.

“W–well, we’ll have it if you want us to, master. It’s just that… the shelter gave us pizza every other Friday, I guess it was supposed to be a treat of sorts… but it wasn’t very good,” Taehyung explained in a meek, unsure voice, lead lowering as he peered up at you.

“That’s probably because it was that organic, healthy shit. No, I’m talking about real pizza. Cheesy, delicious, juicy, thick crust, crunchy on the outside but soft on the in— wait, did you just call me master?”

He seemed to shrink in on himself. His ears flattened against his head, tail ticking between his legs. You’re no expert on animal behavior, but you didn’t need a degree to see that he was showing submission.

“Is… is that bad? Am I in trouble? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” his voice broke into a whimper, but you were quick to drop down to your knees in front of him, shaking you head.

“No, no you’re not in trouble, sweetheart, you’re alright. You didn’t do anything wrong,” you made sure to keep your voice soft and stable, gently taking one of his hands in yours, “I was just a little surprised is all.”

He seemed to calm at your reassurance, body language relaxing, “really?”

“Really.” You giggled, reaching up to nudge his cheek with your knuckles. That’s all it took to have his face brightening up with a grin as he nuzzled into your touch. “But you know you don’t have to address me like that, right? Unless, you wanted to call me something different, you can just call me y/n.”

“Kookie call you y/n,” the bunny hybrid declared from his perch on the couch, nodding firmly, “y/n nice name.”

“Why thank you. Jungkook is a very nice name, as well,” you cooed playfully.

Jungkook shrugged cockily, “I know.”

You laughed loudly at that.

“I–I’ll call you y/n, too… if that’s okay,” Jimin squeaked, blushing a pretty shade of pink as your eyes met his fluttering ones.

“It’s more than okay, beautiful,” you grinned, shooting a playful wink in his direction.

His eyes widened, face exploding in a deep red as a squeak escaped his lips. You watched with a wide smile as he grabbed the nearest pillow, shoving his face into it in a feeble attempt to hide his rose colored cheeks. Jungkook snickered at the smaller hybrid’s reaction, nose wrinkling in the most bunny like way imaginable.

“Then I’ll call you y/n, too!” Taehyung sprung back to his happy go lucky self, lips splitting into a massive grin as his tail began to whip back and forth behind him.

“Perfect,” you smiled, reaching up and scratching behind his ear, “now, about that pizza…”

. . .

Within the next thirty minutes, you and the boys had swallowed down two whole boxes of large, cheesy pizza for your favorite pizza place. Talk about a food baby.

“That was so much better than the shelter’s pizza,” Taehyung groaned, tossing his head back as he rested a hand on his well fed belly, “I’ve never been this stuffed in my life!”

Jimin nodded quickly in agreement, still working on finishing his last piece. He was an adorably slow eater, very careful with his bites in not getting sauce anywhere on his face. Jungkook and Taehyung on the other hand… not so tidy. Taehyung had sauce smeared across his pretty lips and lingering at the corners of his mouth. Jungkook— shit, somehow the rabbit managed to get cheese in his damn hair, let’s just say that.

You giggled at the puppy hybrid, thumbing a tiny spot of sauce off his chin, “I told you! They were definitely feeding you garbage pizza. This is the real shit, you’re eating with the big boys now, baby!” Taehyung’s tail began its helicopter blade wagging, an incredibly dog like ‘yip’ escaping his lips, his excitement rising right alongside yours.

“Hell yeah, baby!”

Throwing your head back, you laughed so hard that your stomach began to hurt. “Hey! Where’d you learn that kind of language, mister!” You cackled, smiling down at him in wild amusement.

His grin mimicked yours, ears perking, “you!”

And you’d been trying to keep your cursing in check, too. Perhaps you slipped up a few times during dinner…

“Ah, I’ve got to watch my tongue or by the end of next week you’ll be able to name a curse word for every letter in the alphabet,” You snickered, ruffling his hair affectionately.

“More! Want more,” Jungkook exclaimed, holding up his empty plate for emphasis.

“Kookie, it's all gone,” you trotted over to him, picking up a nearby napkin and beginning to clean his face. He pouted at the newfound information, obviously very disappointed. “Don’t get all frowny on me now, you messy son of a bi–bunny.”

“Nice save,” Taehyung snickered, and you shot him a playful glare before returning your attention to the deeply disheartened rabbit.

“Hey, but don’t worry. We’ll be getting pizza often. Very often,” because your ass can’t cook for shit, “and next time, I might even get you your own whole pizza, okay? That work for you?”

His eyes light up at the suggestion, pout dissolving into a content smile, “okay. Work for Kookie.”

“Fantastic,” you hummed, before tossing the tomato sauce soaked napkin into one of the empty boxes, “okay. I think that you need a bath. Napkins aren’t cutting it.”

Jungkook froze, eyes widening, then narrowing into sharp slits, “no bath.”

Your brows shot up at his sudden defiance. “Um, yes bath. You’re covered in pizza guts.”

“No. Bath.” He hissed, ears pressing back.

“Jungkook,” you said slowly, arms folded over your chest, “you are taking a bath.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

You stared at him hard for a moment, him staring back just as harshly. Then you lunged. You should’ve known a rabbit hybrid would be faster, because the next thing you know you’re getting a face full of chair. And that shit hurt.

“Fuck me!” You shrieked, cupping your throbbing nose.

“Y–Y/n, are you a–alright?” Jimin gasped, running over to you in tiny font and carefully helping you back onto your feet.

You glanced over to see Jungkook on the opposite side of the kitchen, looking over at your crumpled form with a piss all smug expression. A growl rose in your throat.

“I’m good, Jimin, don’t worry.” You offered Jimin a reassuring smile, only wincing slightly. No way in hell would you let the mutant bunny win. He was taking a bath if it goddamn killed you.

A determined glare found your face as you struck Jungkook with your stare, pushing up your sleeves. “You’re still taking a bath, Kookie.” You sneered, pointing a finger in his direction.

“Gotta catch Kookie first~,” he sang, excitement sparkling in those big eyes.

“Oh, I’ll catch you, alright.”

Little need be said, you did not catch him.

All of fifteen minutes later, you lay face down on the floor of your upstairs hallway, sweating so much it looked like you’d fallen in the pool, completely winded, and on the verge of passing out. You always seem to forget that running is definitely not your strong suit.

“Y/n?” You heard a meek voice chime from above you.

“Yeah?” You wheezed, not bothering to so much as open your eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking dandy,” You chuckled, finally forcing your eyes open. Jimin was squatted down in front of you, head tilted to the side as his large tail calmly swayed behind him.

“You don’t look dandy.”

Somehow, you managed a tired smile, “it’s called sarcasm, darling.”

Jimin flushed at the nickname, cupping his reddening cheeks in the palm of his hands as he let out a soft whining sound. So cute.

“That bunny is quick.” You groaned, rolling onto your back and letting your aching body melt into the floor, “where’s all that stamina come from, huh? He was going up and down the stairs like it was nothing. Up, down, up, down, up, down, like what the hell? Don’t his legs hurt after that? Well, I guess he does have pretty massive thighs—”

“Would you like some water, Y/n,” Jimin softly cut off your delusional rambling that was about to take a not so appropriate turn.

“I would love some water, Jimin, thank you.”

He giggled that sugary giggle of his as he stood up, “alright, I’ll get you some water. Don’t move.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

He laughed again, standing and trotting towards the steps, disappearing down them. He has a really pretty laugh.

Just as your eyes began to flutter shut again, a loud thump caught your attention, and then a shout.

“Y/n! Y/n I caught him! I caught him!”

“Can a girl not get a moment's peace in this house—” you cut off your incoherent mumbling abruptly, shooting upward. Caught him? He caught him? Holy shit! You leapt to your feet, frantically scrambling in the direction of the commotion. It wasn’t too difficult to find what room the shouts were coming from with all the noise they were making.

In your downstairs gaming room, you found Taehyung, his entire body wrapped around a flailing Jungkook, whom he’s somehow managed to pin to the floor.

“Tricked! Tae tricked Kookie!” The bunny screeched, betrayal shining in his dark eyes. You were trying so hard not to laugh. Taehyung looked absolutely ridiculous, Jungkook even more so as he tried to squirm out of the puppy’s vice like hold. But you knew you couldn’t allow them to continue like this, or else one of them might end up hurt. And that was something you definitely did not want to happen.

“Tae, let him go, hun.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened at your request, mouth opening to object, “but—”

“It’s alright, Tae. Trust me,” you shot him a sly wink as you murmured the last bit. He reluctantly obeyed, rolling off the bunny and scrambling behind you before he could retaliate. The moment he was freed, the bunny leapt to his feet, glaring harshly at the puppy cowering behind you. “Ah–ah–ah, eyes on me, Kookie. Tae didn’t do anything wrong, he was just trying to help me catch you.”

He huffed, lower lip jutting out.

“I have a proposition.”

His ears twitched, brows furrowing. “Prop… prop… prop…?”

“An idea,” you rephrased, noticing his struggle, “one that doesn’t involve running around the house like a couple of chickens who got their heads cut off. If you win, you don’t have to take a bath. I win, you bathe. That cool?”

He squinted his eyes at you suspiciously, “what idea?”

You smirked, eyes drifting to something behind him. You made your way over to the large flat screen television, opening up the cabinet to the right off it. Inside were hundreds of games. That’s an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Jungkook’s eyes bulged, pupils practically turning into hearts at the glorious sight. You pulled one out, holding it up for him to see.

“You race?”

It was Jungkook’s turn to smirk, “Kookie race.”

. . .

“Watch out for the banana peel! Oh my god the red shell! The red shell! Careful on the turn—”

“Taehyung!”

“Sorry.”

You were on the third and final race of Mario Kart. The deciding match. Each of you had won one round prior to that, making it an even game. It was tense. But Taehyung seemed to be more on edge than you and Jungkook combined, and he wasn’t even playing!

The finish line was in sight. It was neck in neck; Jungkook in first, you right on his heal in a close second.

There was absolutely no way in hell you were letting him beat you at your game. The game you’d been playing since you first learned how to use your thumbs. You absolutely demolished anyone you went up against. But Jungkook was good. Really good. He matched your skill level almost perfectly. He knew all the shortcuts, all the right turns to making, even how to drift flawlessly. And for the first time, you weren’t completely positive that’s you’d win. A thought terrifying enough to send chills racing down your spine. No. No, you were going to win. You had to. That bunny was going to bathe. You’d make sure of that.

The finish line was approaching rapidly. Your heart thundering against your ribcage, entire body trembling with the adrenaline coursing through it, a sheen of sweat resting on your upper lip. Your hands were aching for the effort, thumbs just about ready to fall off.

Beside you, Jungkook was just as tense, tall ears fully erect, body stiff and leaned forward as he pinned all his attention to the screen.

This is it. Time to pull out all the stops. You’re secret move that got you the win every time without fail. The boost and drift.

“Eat my dust, Kookie!” You shrieked, pressing down on the buttons just long enough to have your car shooting forward and crossing the finish line, earning you the first place slot. A triumphant laugh burst from your lips, and you jumped to your feet, pumping your fist into the air victoriously. You’d be lying to say your ass didn’t hurt from sitting on the hardwood floor that entire time, but the brilliance of your victory washed out any lingering ache. “Fuck yes! We have a winner folks! We have a winner!”

Taehyung and Jimin giggled from their seats on the couch behind you, clapping encouragingly as you shamelessly gloated.

Jungkook stared at the screen in shock, unable to process that he was seeing the number two on his half of the screen. Second place. Second place. It was mocking him.

Squatting down beside the stunned bunny, you placed a hand on his shoulder, “I won, Kook. You know what that means.”

He pouted, turning his head away from you stubbornly. “Cheated.”

You gaped at him. “Did not! I won fair and square and you know it! Come on, we had a deal. You can’t just go back on your word,” you frowned, offended by his blunt claim. You would never cheat. You didn’t need to. At least not in Mario Kart. Pure skill, baby.

Jungkook snuck a glance in your direction, and his ears dropped seeing the expression on your face. He quickly turned his gaze away, focusing intensely on the floor as he worried his lower lip between his teeth. He knew you didn’t cheat. He knew he lost. He hated it, but he knew you won fairly. Admitting it out loud was just a bit harder to do.

But the look in your eyes was enough to get him to put his pride aside.

“Kookie take bath.” He relented with a defeated sigh.

You smiled brightly, gently ruffling his hair, “thank you for keeping your word, Kookie. It means a lot to me.”

He flushed at the praise, quickly swatting your hand away with a pout, eliciting a giggle from your lips. You stood first, helping Jungkook to his feet as you turned to the two other hybrids.

“Okay boys. As soon as Kookie here finishes up his bath, we need to discuss sleeping arrangements, alright? It’s getting late and it’s been a hectic day for everyone so I think we could all use a good night's sleep, yeah? Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.”

They quickly nodded in agreement, bidding you soft farewells as you guided Jungkook to the upstairs bathroom. Of course, he donned a pout the entire way, obviously trying to make you feel bad by milking the blow of his loss.

Tugging him into the bathroom, you sat him down on the closed toilet seat, and began to explain the ins and outs of your bathroom. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, towel location, how to change the temperate, and even pointing out the bubble bath bottle in case he like that. He stared up at you blankly, blinking slowly.

“You got all that?” He nodded. “Any questions?” He shook his head. “Good, I’ll sit outside. Just give me a shout if you need any help.” With that, you proceeded to exit the bathroom, plopping down beside the door and pulling out your phone to kill the time. You heard the gush of water hitting the tub, and assumed he’d be fine on his own. Until—

“Y/n?” You hopped to your feet, leaning against the door.

“Yeah, Kook?” Silence. “Kookie? You okay in there?” Silence. “Jungkook?” A nearly inaudible murmur. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand that.”

“N–need… help…”

“Okay, I’m coming in,” you took his silence as an okay and slowly nudged the door open, “are you… covered?” He hummed quietly in confirmation and you let out a breath of relief, sticking your head inside.

He was submerged in the bath, the top of it was covered in a thick layer of white, shiny bubbles. He had his face turned away from you, and seemed to be fidgeting slightly.

“What’s wrong?” You asked carefully, gliding over to kneel next to the tub. He avoided your gaze, and you noticed how red his cheeks were. You were worried he might’ve made the bath too hot, but when you experimentally dipped your fingers in, it was the perfect temperature. “You can tell me, hun. What’s up?”

He bowed his head, splashing his hand against the water. “Can… can y/n wash… w–wash Kookie?”

Hah. Pardon?

“W–wash? You want me to wash you?” You reiterated, making sure you’d heard him correctly.

“Please…” he murmured quietly, and you watched his neck melt into a boiling red color that perfectly matched that adorning his face. He looked so humiliated, so vulnerable. It dawned on you that he might not know how to properly wash himself. At the shelter someone had helped with that sort of thing, so he might have never actually done it himself. Your heart swelled at the thought.

“Of course I’ll help,” you murmured softly, touched by the fact that he’d ask instead of struggling alone and saving himself the embarrassment, “in fact, I’ll do you one better. I’ll teach you how so next time you can do it all on your own, okay?”

He peered over at you shyly, a light smile twisting the corners of his lips upwards, “okay.”

“Perfect. We’ll start with shampoo then,” you chirped, reaching down to grab the white bottle of shampoo.

You learned that Jungkook wasn’t the best reader, something you probably should’ve guessed based on what Hoseok had told you. But it still made your heart clench to see him trying so hard to make out the letters on the bottles you present to him. His bath managed to turn into a reading lesson, as you explained to him in depth how to read the words shampoo and conditioner as well as their individual purposes. And soon enough, something seemed to click in that cute little brain of his.

“You’re a fast learner, Kookie!” You praised, grinning happily as he pointed out the word shampoo every time it appeared on the back of the bottle.

He beamed at the praise, sighing in content as you massaged the conditioner into his hair, being extra careful around the base of his ears. It was then that you realized how beautiful they were. The fur was sleek and healthy, shimmering faintly under the dull glow of your bathroom lights. Instinctively, your fingers reached for one, gently stroking the silky fur. His body jolted forwards, a loud gasp shooting from his lips. You snapped your hand away as he whipped around, staring at you in shock.

“D–D–DON’T touch!” He squeaked, his entire face a deep shade of pink, his chest heaving as he seemed genuinely flustered. There was terror in his dark eyes, the emotion read loud and clear.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize,” you blinked rapidly, clutching your hand against you chest like it’d been burned. You were horrified with yourself. You’d obviously crossed a boundary you weren’t meant to so much as think about. It was careless. “I’m so sorry, Kookie. I shouldn’t have touched your ears without permission.”

He stared at you a moment longer, breathing heavily as his hands gripped the edge of the tub so tightly that his knuckles paled. There was something in his eyes. Something dark. You couldn’t make out exactly what it was before he snapped himself out of him, shaking his head.

“It… okay.” He slowly turned back around, facing away from you. You weren’t sure what to do. Did he want you to keep washing him, or would it be better if you left all together? Your prolonged silence caught the bunny’s attention, and he softly uttered over his shoulder, “can keep wash Kookie.”

“A–are you sure?” You swallowed, needing the extra confirmation.

He nodded, “yes.”

The remainder of his bath was spent in silence. It wasn’t awkward persay. It was more like both your mind were weighed down from the previous upbeat mood. Even as you were running a washcloth soaked in your favorite face wash over his faintly red stained skin, he wouldn’t meet your gaze.

“Alright, I think you’ve got it from here. You can wash your body with this green soap and then dry off and meet us downstairs, alright? I put a new shirt and sweatpants next to the door outside, so you can put those on when you’re finished,” You hummed, standing and stretching from having sat for so long, back cracking loudly. He nodded silently, sinking lower in the tub so that his nose hovered just over the water and you took that as your que to exit.

You were disappointed with yourself. That could have been a beautiful bonding moment— and it had been! But then you had to go and screw it up. Like you always seem to do…

Taehyung and Jimin were playing with some of the toys you’d gotten in the living room when you came trudging down the steps. They must’ve noticed the heaviness in the air surrounding you, because their sweet giggling ceased rather abruptly and they jumped up to meet you halfway.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” Taehyung asked with a soft frown. “Did Kookie hurt you?”

“Ah, no, of course not, Kookie didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I’m fine,” you reassured, reaching up to pet the top of his head, but freezing and redirecting your hand to land on his shoulder instead. Taehyung blinked, looking at your hand in confusion.

Without missing a beat, he grabbed your wrist and placed your hand on top of his head.

You couldn’t stop the grin that found your lips, one he happily returned as you combed your fingers through his dark locks. Jimin whimpered mournfully from his larger companion’s side, staring longingly at your other hand. “Oh you big baby,” you playfully cooed, immediately shifting to stroke the top of his head as well.

They both melted into your touch, Jimin chirping as Taehyung vocalized his happiness with high pitched whines. It was a rather ridiculous scene, but so utterly precious you couldn’t find it in you to stop. Not until you heard heavy footsteps coming from the stairs. He was dressed in new clothes, lingering droplets of water creating dark patches on the shoulders of the grey material of the oversized sweatshirt.

Jungkook paused, meeting your gaze. You offered him a light smile, but he only ducked his head and plodded to Taehyung’s side, eyes fluttering around the room. You’d be lying if you said that didn’t sting a bit. You’d hoped that you’d be able to brush off the incident, but apparently not. Maybe it’d be forgotten by the morning.

You cleared your throat, shaking yourself from your thoughts. There were more important things to address than a moment of discomfort.

“Alright, boys. Now that we’re all here, I have to tell you that we have a small dilemma.”

“A dilemma?!” Taehyung repeated, blinking at you with wide, concerned eyes. You nodded in confirmation, folding your arms across your chest before continuing.

“As of right now, I only have one bed for you guys. I’m pretty sure it’s more than big enough to fit the three of you, but I want to ask if any of you are uncomfortable sharing a bed? I know you all had your own back at the shelter, so it would definitely be a change.”

“I don’t mind! I love cuddling!” Taehyung chimed, unknowingly lifting a weight off your chest. You shifted your attention to the bunny hybrid, who seemed to be in deep thought, eyes squinted, lips puckered as he mulled it over.

Finally, he shrugged. “Fine with Kookie. Don’t mind.”

“M–me either. I’m okay with it,” Jimin quickly added, blushing as you smiled gratefully over at him.

“That’s a relief to hear. I promise that this won’t be permanent, just for a little while until I figure out a better sleeping situation, alright?” You breathed, clasping your hands in front of you, “let me show you guys to your room.”

The hybrids quickly scurried behind you as you guided them up the stairs and down the hall, before you were pushing open a door. They gasped simultaneously, eyes widening as they took in the sight before them. “T–this is our room?” Taehyung swung his astonished gaze to meet yours.

“Yeah… do you not like it?” You asked, unable to read whether their reaction was positive or negative.

“No! I love it!” Taehyung cheered, bolting into the bedroom and pouncing onto the bed. “It’s so big! This is probably the biggest bed I’ve ever seen in my entire existence!”

“It’s amazing,” Jimin grinned excitedly as he made his way into the bedroom, joining Taehyung on the King sized mattress.

Jungkook murmured his agreement, “very nice. Very big. Kookie approve.”

You smiled, watching as they oohed and awed over every little detail of the room, from the dresser to the windowsill seat to the light fixtures above their head. Their amazement made your chest feel light.

“Well, I’m glad that you like it. You guys can get things to decorate it and really make it your own when we go shopping,” a yawn followed your statement. You hadn’t realized just how tired you’d become. It was a pretty eventful day, if you do say so yourself. But a wonderful kind of eventful.

“I’m headed to bed if you guys don’t need anything else. But if you do happen to need something in the middle of the night, my room is right across the hall.” You turned to leave, but paused as Taehyung cleared his throat.

A warm flush was resting on his cheeks, the faintest of smiles on his lips as he stared at you with such sincerity that your skin prickled and your heart picked up, “speaking for all of us… Thank you, Y/n. For everything.”

Taking a slightly trembling breath, you plastered a smile across your face, biting the inside of your cheek, “Of course. Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

“There are bed bugs?!”

“It’s just a saying Taehyung. There are no bed bugs.”

“Oh. Good night then! Sweet dreams!”

You shook your head in amusement, murmuring a final ‘goodnight’ before you stepped out of their room, gently shutting the door behind you. You plodded across the hall, slipping into your bedroom just as another yawn escaped you. Throwing yourself onto your bed, you groaned as you muscles instantly relaxed.

“Fuck, I missed you baby,” you muttered, tugging the sheets up to your chin as you nuzzled your head into the thick embrace of your favorite pillow. You know the one.

In no time you were dead asleep, snoring up a storm as your mind filled with fantasies of living on your own private island. But, this time you weren’t quite alone. Instead, you were accompanied by three beautifully misfit hybrids who seemed to fit right in. An island all alone in the middle of the island might’ve have gotten a tad bit lonely. You were glad they were there.

“Y-Y/n?”

Until one of them interrupted your blissful slumber that is.

“Yes? Huh? I’m awake. Who is it?” You fumbled, jolting upright as your heavy lids adjusted, squinting to try and make out the figure stood in the doorway. It was only dainty enough to belong to Jimin.

“It’s Jimin,” he identified himself.

As you suspected. You’re a genius even when half asleep.

Running a hand down your face in a feeble attempt to draw yourself further from the steel grip of sleep, you acknowledge him with a soft hum, “What’s up, beautiful?” You didn’t have to see him to know he was blushing.

“I–I… Jungkook accidentally kicked me out of bed and then he spread out and kinda took my spot a–and I was too scared to move him… s–so I was wondering if—” he faltered, fidgeting and lowering his head, “—if possibly… if it’s not too much of a nuisance… if I could—”

“Jimin, get over here.” You cut him off with a playful chuckle. He gently shut the door before stumbling over to you in the dark, tripping over various items you hadn’t taken the time to clean up. You weren’t expecting visitors.

The skunk hybrid faltered at the foot of your bed. “You really… don’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

That was all the encouragement he needed to climb onto the mattress, crawling up and plopping down beside you. But there was an awfully large space between the two of you, and it made a frown touch your face.

Sleepy y/n liked cuddles.

“Do you like to cuddle, Jiminie? Because, unless you’re opposed, I would really love to have a cuddle buddy right about now.”

You heard his breath falter. Then silence.

A discouraged sigh escaped you, and you rolled to your other side, facing away from him as you shut your eyes.

“I… I like cuddles.”

You flipped back over immediately, grinning widely as you parted your arms invitingly, making grabby hands, “then give me some love, sugar.”

The heat radiating off Jimin’s face was palpable as he shifted into your arms, allowing you to wrap yourself around him almost entirely, resting your chin just above his head. You could feel how quickly Jimin’s heart was beating, feel the faint trembling of his body against yours. But the way he nuzzled his burning face into your neck and coiled his arms shyly around your waist told you he wanted this just as much as you did. Small flicks of his ears tickled your under jaw, drawing the corners of your lips upwards.

You’d long forgotten the warmth of sharing your bed with another. The feeling of comfort that settled in you chest, the sense of belonging. It vanquished any loneliness that had lingered there in nights prior, Jimin taking the place of empty air. You loved it. You loved it so much.

It was then that you noticed something small and yellow squeezed between your chests. The chick stuffy Taehyung had given him. You bit your lip almost harshly enough to draw blood to keep down a squeal. How much more adorable could he get? Wrestling off the sudden desire to squeeze his cheeks and kiss all over his adorable little face, you drew slow, soothing circles against his back, listening to his breathing grow slower and heavier, until you were certain he was completely asleep.

“Good night, Jimin.” Pressing a tender kiss to the top of his head was the last thing you did that night before falling into the most blissful sleep you can recall ever having.

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vampexx · 4 years

Text

Uh oh....I used my brain again....get ready lol

DISCLAIMER: I’m going to try VERY HARD to make all this comprehensive and understandable, promise. But when my wheels are turning this fast lol I have a VERY bad habit of not being able to keep up with my own thoughts so please be patient with me as I make an attempt to translate what all is going through my head at hyper speed lol so sorry in advance. Also, for clarity reasons, discussed romantic approaches between adrien and marinette are rated on a scale of 0-100.

OK, so.

That metaphor of how kagami is like a mirror (I mean, I know kagami means mirror or whatever but that’s not what I’m talking about). Ok, well I think it applies to both of them (luka AND kagami) in a literal way. Hear me out.

First: kagami and adrien. Kagami is very strong in her approach when it comes to romance (or anything in general). Very headstrong and blunt, she won’t hide how she feels or what she thinks in any circumstances, right? Now adrien isn’t necessarily that way BUT chat noir is. His approach with ladybug was very....what’s the word....tenacious lol poor thing. He never gave up, which as adorable and as loyal as it sounds to us - the fandom, came off very strong and was received kinda poorly by ladybug to be kinda aggressive I guess? NOT SAYING HE WAS HARASSING HER BECAUSE HE WASN’T! He just didn’t want to lose hope because he was CONVINCED that him and his lady were made for each other MUCH LIKE KAGAMI and her feelings regarding adrien. So, given as of late, ladybug is really the only girl he has fully and openly flirted with. I think that, as he gets closer to kagami, he will at some point take note of her really kinda protective and territorial(?) personality. Like I’m not gonna lie, it comes really close to adriens father and his raising...possessive and territorial because again, they were raised the same way (NOT SAYING KAGAMI IS LIKE GABRIEL BECAUSE HE IS LITERAL GARBAGE, I AM IN NO WAY SAYING THAT KAGAMI IS TRASH, EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT A FAN PERSONALLY, I WOULDN’T SAY THAT BECAUSE IT’S SIMPLY NOT TRUE) I have mentioned before that their similar raising and domestic circumstances is really something they can bond over, as they should so it will boost their relationship in a friendly way no doubt, but I think that it will likely be their downfall in a romantic way. Allow me to explain...

Yes, her social issues are because of her raising, I understand that. BUT, her raising only accounts for about half of her personality in my opinion, but I’m no psychology expert mind you. I say it accounts for half because her mom is quite clearly the same way so obviously to some degree, it’s also boils down to genetics (again, MY OPINION). Her mom is strict, blunt, strong willed and has such a confidence that it comes off as egotistical (AGAIN, NO HATE INTENDED, DON’T @ ME! BEING HONEST!) Kagami has made some improvements, I will agree with that and I also agree that she has every capability to continue to improve. However....will she ever not be the way she’s known to be? Cut and dry, strong willed and blunt? No. Why? Genetics. It’s the personality she was born with, she just wasn’t done any favors by the way she was raised, which made it worse and made her evidently unlikable and hard to relate to, thus her having no social life or social skills.

Back to adrien. He will take note of how kagami’s approach to romance can be very off putting and intense, seeing how it can rub people the wrong way. I think he will hopefully make the connection in his head, as in he will see how and why chat noir was not successful in his attempts with ladybug, and having an understanding of ladybugs perspective for a change. He will see this and recognize that style of romantic approach isn’t a good fit for him, given how gentle adrien can be on the contrary to chat noir (who yes, is gentle and just as sensitive but is FAR MORE open and flirtatious), and will then make an effort to maybe not just slow his flirting approach from a strong 100 down to a 50 but also see how since he has so many romantic loose ends emotionally, he will continue to insist that he is NOT ready for a relationship given the emotional wreck that is his heart (or at least in my opinion, he should insist because...logic lol, don’t know how else to put it). I mean understand, he has such intense love for ladybug that won’t go away, feelings for kagami that I’m personally not really convinced are romantic (at least, not on his part), and we all know the underlying feelings he has for marinette that he is doomed to have to face sometime soon. It will be nothing short of chaotic, that’s for sure.

To sum up for adrien, kagami will be his mirror for his past romantic approaches as chat noir and will decide to tone it down a bit or just pause completely after seeing the flaws that come with it. But still, it will knock him down from say 100 (give or take) to more like a 50.

Still with me? OK...half way there lol

Second: marinette and luka. Luka is definitely interested in marinette, don’t get me wrong. It’s pretty evident. HOWEVER, as interested as he has shown to be romantically via those couple of times with marinette, literally every other time luka and marinette have interacted, it’s been like 95% friendly, or at least, IT COMES OFF THAT WAY** (hold that thought ok? Remember that). So Luka reads as a confusing character for me because, yes he has made it clear that he likes marinette via small, less intimidating approaches, but he still otherwise kinda comes off to me as also somewhat....disinterested(?)(for lack of a better word). What I mean is this, he said nice things in silencer and felix, I agree with that too, but really that’s all he has done pretty much lol if we’re honest. Like marinette, his romantic approaches however meaningful and sweet they were, were still very few and far between. Otherwise, it’s been seemingly a completely friendly relationship, which THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH (DON’T @ ME OK?). That’s what I mean when I say that he comes off as interested and somewhat disinterested at the same time. Like, to me, it’s this kinda vibe: if you like me, cool / if you don’t like me, cool lol. That’s what I mean when I say disinterested, as in, he could go either way (either being with marinette or not) and he be completely cool with it and HE HAS CONFIRMED THIS in felix. It’s confusing to marinette because he’s not really vying for her attention which explains why she said in the marinette on luka video, that she can’t stop thinking about her feelings for adrien, even with luka (I mean duh, I know those feelings are also never gonna go away) BECAUSE luka’s approach isn’t bold enough in my book to really capture more of marinettes romantic attention like it kinda needs to if lukanette is gonna happen. Does that make sense? God I hope so lol.

Like adrien with kagami, I think marinette will take notes on lukas approach to be like her mirror, seeing how somewhat ineffective it can be. She will see the flaws in her approach however gentle, tender and non-threatening it may be, it just isn’t bold enough to really advocate for herself romantically like we all know she deserves. Like I said earlier, that kind of approach can come off as CONFUSING and mainly FRIENDLY** (there’s the thought I told you to hold onto). That would explain why adrien got mixed messages from marinette, one day he thinks they good friends (*facepalm*) and then the next, she seems so standoffish (granted, mainly from her nerves, unlike luka) that it kinda comes off as, again, DISINTERESTED (the same meaning written above still applies, not really giving adrien solid/ definitive signals either way) again, much like luka.

She will note all of this and maybe realize that she needs to be a little bolder in her approach in order to properly stand up for herself romantically. She will learn that, yes she has made bold attempts with adrien (*applause*) and will also hopefully see how she may have counteracted them with some not so flattering and/ or just flat out standoffish actions. She needs to learn how to hold her ground and allow herself to be an clear option for someone romantically via not hiding her feelings (like her mom said, never apologize for how you feel) and by being very clear with her feelings from the get go for someone, as in it not being one day essentially, “I like you” to the next day being like, “What? No, I don’t like you. That’s crazy lol.” We have seen MANY examples of that, again it explains adriens mixed signals from marinette. She needs to learn how to let her and her feelings be COMPLETELY CLEAR AND VISIBLE so she doesn’t end up disregarded, confusing and walked all over like a doormat (poor baby, it’s true though). She needs to own her worth and her confidence. SHE NEEDS TO FEEL VALID AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND ADRIEN TOO.

This will essentially encourage marinette to take more risks romantically and to have trust and confidence in herself that she is worthy of love and she is very much worthy to be with who she wants to be with. It will bring her up from say a 0(-ish, like lets be honest, aside from a few certain instances, as far as her outwardly vying for adrien, it has been just her and the crickets lol) to a 50 like adrien.

See where I’m going with this?

With both marinette and adrien both at a 50, as in they both found a balanced and healthy romantic approach/ view on romance in general, they will finally be able to literally meet each other half way romantically. Does that make sense? Let me put it this way if it helps: 50 + 50 = 100?

Marinette taking more risks and having faith in her worth, adrien slowing down and analyzing his heart, also knowing his worth, it will set a solid and clear path for the both of them to meet each other half way romantically, finally. Thus paving the way for the lovesquare to implode/ reverse/ resolve...whatever and then setting up for the movie that is seemingly revolving around ladynoir and their love for each other which will then lead to a reveal (hopefully).

For further personal insight into my theories on the whole lovesquare and love rival dynamic, my link for my initial theory post is here: https://vampexx.tumblr.com/post/189482028990/just-a-thought-there-are-spoilers-in-case Also, I have another post of mine that kinda touches on this subject that I will link next, but to warn you, it is salty. However, it is NOT salty to any one ship, it’s mainly salty towards the fandom so....it’s tagged ml fandom salt or something like that, anyway here is the link if anyone is interested at all: https://vampexx.tumblr.com/post/189856458390/alright-sorry-but-im-gonna-be-salty-real

AGAIN, I would like to remind those that took the time to read this that NO SALT OR HATE was intended in this post IN ANY WAY. I had to be open and honest for the sake of analyzing this mess properly. I apologize if anything has offended anyone but like I said, in order to put this all into words, I really had to be honest.

Hope this made sense, I put a lot of thought and effort into this, so dear God I hope so lol I’m so tired now lmao I KNOW THAT WAS A LOT I’M SORRY! THANK YALL FOR YOUR PATIENCE BUT NOW I’M EXHAUSTED.

Have a miraculous day! Love yall!

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ml love square #love square #ramblings about miraculous ladybug #miraculous shitpost #ml ladybug #mlb #ml theory #vampexx

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youngster-monster · 4 years

Text

lotus - far from the one you love

Here's the truth:

Occam doesn't trust easily. They never did, even back when they could still feel a knife press against their throat and smile anyway, terrified and elated in equal measure. They've always kept themself at arm's length from anyone, at a safe distance from pain. Watching over people with no one to watch over them. It made them a good sniper, a decent Titan in that they still protected people, in their own way.

It hasn’t gotten any better since then.

When they realize, one gloomy morning, that they trust the Drifter, that they— care for him, it doesn’t fill them with the joyful relief of a loner finally finding solace in friendship. It just feels them with dread. They can’t keep people alive: it’s out of their hands, no matter how hard they try. And if they get attached, and if that attachment dies— it hurts.

And Occam fears nothing more than getting hurt.

(Once upon a time they relished it. Embraced the pain as a stinging reminder of survival. What went wrong, they wonder, and even in their own mind its rhetorical. The answer comes anyway, unbidden, uncalled for.

Everything.)

In the end, Occam runs.

They're not proud of it. They're not not proud of it. In truth they don't think about it. No more than someone would think about their own heartbeat, except on some rare occasions where the what-ifs keep them awake before the usual nightmares can wake them up. And even then it's not regret, not quite.

Running comes as easily to Occam as breathing does. Easier, maybe. Each time they breath they trace the path of the air to their lungs and out and devise a dozen of ways to cut that route. Crush the trachea; hands around the throat, squeezing, or an arm, more efficient; a knife to the throat, between the fifth and sixth rib, in the back angled just right. A bullet (throat, tearing it apart). A bullet (lung, whichever, ideally both). A bullet (if you're a good enough shot it doesn't matter where you aim).

The more Occam learns about killing a man the more acutely aware of their own mortality they are. Their life is a tower of blown glass balanced in the palm of one hand, propped up by the butt of a gun. Fragile. Easily toppled over. What does it take to kill a Guardian? Less than they think. Bad luck. Good aim.

A bullet.

(Through a Ghost, exploding in a burst of Light and broken shell pieces.)

A bullet.

(Through the head, the Traveler blinded by the lingering Darkness.)

A bullet.

(If you're a good enough shot it doesn't matter where you aim.)

(Occam is an excellent shot. They can't trust the guy on the other side not to be, too.)

They pack what they can and pile up the rest, light a match, breathe in the gasoline smoke and itch for a smoke. It’s the one lethal habit they kept after everything but their last pack is lying on top of the pile. They didn’t really think this through.

(Take only what you can carry. Don't get attached to what you'll have to leave behind. Don't leave anything behind.)

They watch the leaves of the plants they carefully tended to shrivel and crumble in the flames. Unblinking. Unflinching. Build themself an armor with the ashes and make themself small under it, easily hidden. Easily overlooked.

There's only one pot left. A small one. Baby blue flowers, the kind they refuse to name or look at for too long. Sentimental flowers that they couldn’t throw on the bonfire with the rest. They sneak into the Drifter's room while he's out and leaves them on the closest surface, next to a still-beating Knight heart. It'll keep the flowers company while he's gone–

He's not, though. He stands in the doorway, back-lit by the corridor. Occam didn't bother turning the lights on. They didn't plan to stick around. Still don't.

"Leaving without a good-bye?” He says, in that lighthearted way of his that never fooled anyone. “That's cold, brother. Didn’t take you for the kind to kiss and run."

And that’s the whole problem, isn’t it? Love — because that’s what it is, in the end — is dangerous. It’s a risk, and not one they’re willing to take. Not now, with the Nine at their door, Darkness on their heels. They have to run. Drifter knows it, too, by the look in his eyes. A kind of resolute anticipation, like he knows what’s about to happen and he’s still waiting for… what. For Occam to offer an explanation? A map to their next landfall, an address to send postcards to?

An invitation to come along?

(Would he come along?)

Would Drifter do the same, were their places reversed? Or would he find a better way? Stay anyway? Would he come if Occam asked?

He would. That’s what they scare the most. Whether or not he’d want to come, he would. As selfish as they are – and they are selfish, Light, they'd keep the whole world tucked behind their teeth if they could get their hand on it – they can't ask that of him.

He’s a liability.

(Maybe if they keep telling that to themself it will come true.)

Easier to survive if you only have to worry about your own ass. Better chances when you're only hiding your sorry carcass, when you don't have to choose between your beating heart and what it's beating for.

They close their eyes so they don’t have to look into his as they transmat to their ship without a word. When it comes down to it, Occam is just a runner. A coward. Doesn’t leave much room for teamwork.

(They don't know how to run away with anyone. Only how to run away from them.)

Out of all the people Occam's known, Thyme came the closest to figuring their nature.

"You're a monster, Dredgen Khan," she'd said, digging a finger in their chest as if to prove a point. "You're a rotten, despicable person, an even worse Guardian, and you won't even be worth the wood they make your coffin out of."

She was right, of course, the whole five foot nothing of righteous wrath of her, but for all the wrong reasons. She thought all their actions were evil because they were evil, too.

The truth is that Occam isn't evil. They're not an inhuman monster.

They're just scared. They're a small, pathetic person, scared out of their mind and made selfish and petty by the fear. It’s worse, maybe.

One can excuse many things for the greater good, be it real or made up by your own twisted sense of morality. Not many excuses for cowardice.

She'd been right then. Worst out of all this situation might be that they've been doing nothing but proving her right again and again since.

There aren’t many places a rogue Lightbearer can run off to and survive. Even they need food, need clean water and a shelter, and the few habitable places in the Sol system that survived the Collapse are held by Guardians.

This is how Occam washes up on the Tangled Shore. It’s easy to disappear there. Easy to get yourself killed, too, which is why they hadn’t initially planned to settle here. But they need supplies, which means they need Glimmers, and the Tangled Shore is where you come when your need for funds outweighs your morals. The rifle they carry ought to be enough to keep them safe, if only for the time it takes them to find a better long-term plan.

(Here’s what they forgot: it’s a hunting ground, and they’re more prey than apex predator.)

He comes to them weeks after their departure. By then they’ve somewhat settled into their role in the food chain of the Reef, enough to make the most of it. At the moment they’re sitting in a dark corner of the Spider’s Palace, waiting for an informant who’s running late by hours — not unusual but still worrying. Good sources are hard to find and they’d rather keep those they have alive for longer than a few days. Especially since what got them killed tends to travel up the chain back to Occam, and that’s more trouble than any job is worth.

But when someone finally sits down in front of them, it’s not the nervous Marauder they were expecting.

It’s Shin Malphur.

The sight is so unexpected that for a moment, Occam is actually too shocked to be afraid. They knew, kind of distantly, that this place was among the Renegade’s usual haunts, because where else to find Dredgens than among the dregs of polite society. But he’s not one to come out in the light, ironically enough. He prefers his face covered, his identity hidden — an intimidation tactic and security in equal measure. He keeps to the shadows, tracking his preys, waiting for the moment to strike. A Hunter, in every way.

(My, Renegade, what long teeth you have.)

Now, though, he sits opposite of Occam without a helmet. He has his hood up, for what it’s worth, casting his face in shadows but failing to cover the Light glowing through the cracks and flaring in his eyes. Every line of his body as he slouches in his chair is relaxed, careless, in every way the cocky Guardian he’s pretending to be. An easy prey for the people here. He keeps a hand on his gun, but even that seems more bravado than actual threat even though they know exactly how dangerous he is.

And then he smiles, a small, crooked thing that never reaches his eyes, and they remember.

Shin Malphur is a wolf.

Occam isn’t sure what to think of Shin Malphur’s presence here.

The two of them struck an uneasy alliance some time ago. Rather a ceasefire over their mutual fondness for the Drifter, unexplained though it may be on Malphur’s part. They’re not exactly on friendly terms, nor are they outwardly aggressive toward each other the way Occam could be with Thyme. They’re at that weird spot between awkward acquaintances and natural enemies born from dramatically opposed worldviews and several ill-advised hookups.

It’s not enough to guess his motives for coming after Occam, but just enough to stay on their guard when he leans forwards and says,

“You’re a difficult person to find.”

Not difficult enough, apparently. They lean back, try to keep some manner of a safe distance between the two of them. Shin’s grin widens at that, a quick flash of sincere emotion.

“I try to be. Why are you here?”

They know he’s here on his own volition — the person who can make Shin do anything he doesn’t want to has yet to exist or is long dead and gone — but they still feel a pang of… disappointment, perhaps, when he replies, “Checking you haven’t gone to the dark side. Mostly.”

They scowl. Their helmet hides the expression, which is always useful, but they can’t help feeling like they’re leaning on it too much. Not that they can go around without it safely, but it’ll do them good to keep it in mind. Just in case.

(It simply wouldn’t do to come back and be like an open book to-)

They shake themself out of this train of thought. Shin’s presence is more disturbing than expected.

“Well. I haven’t.” They go to open their arms as if to present themself to him before realizing, somewhat belatedly, that they look exactly the way they did the handful of times they met while Occam was on Dredgen business and it might look a little suspicious. They cross their arms over their chest instead. The movement looks awkward but they always feel like that when Shin is around. He has a knack for keeping them off-balance. “You can leave now. I’m busy.”

“Oh, if you’re waiting for your informant, don’t bother. I ran him off to be sure we wouldn’t be disturbed.”

“You-”

Occam makes a frustrated noise and rubs the visor of their helmet in a vain effort to alleviate the headache Shin is giving them. When they look up, Shin is staring at them. His arms are crossed over the table, fingers drumming on the grimy surface. He’s abandoned all pretenses of not being on the hunt: now the question is to find what he’s hunting.

Information, or Occam themself? Either is as likely, but one will be easier to get out of than the other.

(He’s like a dog with a bone when he finds something to be curious about. At least when he’s on a manhunt Occam can usually distract him once they’ve reached the ‘pinned against a wall with a gun pointed at his head’ part of the evening. Shin awakens parts of their psyche they thought they had killed off long ago. It’s unfortunate that it had to be the ‘life-threatening situations put them in the mood’ thing rather than their sense of empathy or what passed for their mental health back then.)

“You planning on coming back at some point?”

They look to the side, pretend to be surveying the room. They know it won’t fool him but it feels safer than looking him in the eyes when they say, “No.” and mean, I want to.

Knowing Shin he could read the lie right through the helmet.

“You’re a moron.”

“Fuck off.”

“No, you are. You know it too,” he says, not… entirely unkindly. “You’re not safer here than you were in the Tower. This place’s gonna be the first to get hit by the Darkness once it reaches the system, and that’s if you don’t get stabbed in the back by an overeager Fallen before that. What are you doing here, Occam?”

Running away, like they always do. Hiding and waiting for the fallout. They don’t tell him that, though. Why would they?

Instead they stand to their feet, almost knocking their chair back in the process. “That doesn’t concern you,” they say, as placidly as they can muster.

“It concerns Drifter, and he’s no use to me when he’s moping.”

That gives them a pause. They know they’re being played: the look he gives them, calculating and self-satisfied, tells them that much. Still they stay. Against their own better judgment.

“He’s not moping.”

“How would you know?”

“He doesn’t care enough to mope.”

They mean it like, ‘Drifter has been alive far too long to care about one asshole he’s been carefully Not Dating for months leaving for the Reef’. Obviously Shin has to take it the wrong way.

“Is this what it’s about? You think he doesn’t care enough?” When they don’t react to his guess, he shrugs. “Or maybe you’re the one who cares too much. You got too invested and then ran away so there would be no possibility of talking about it.”

This time, they flinch. They can’t help it. Shin can be unnervingly perceptive when he wants to be, and he’s usually cruel about it. At least with Occam.

His grin tells them he smelled blood; now he’s going for the kill.

“You’re in l-”

They turn on their heels and stride off before he can finish the sentence. His voice chases them out of the room.

“You can’t run forever! Eventually he’s gonna be the one tracking you down, and what are you gonna do then, huh?”

Run further away, possibly. Or hide until he gets bored and leaves. It’s worked well for them so far.

#writing #April Bouquet #destiny 2 #the drifter #shin malphur #my ocs #occam #should i start posting my writing differently on here?#i don't know how it works tbh

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ithinkthingsaboutstuff · 4 years

Text

Little boy blue (12)

Little Boy Blue (12)

midvale AU part 12

[TW: I have used some raciest stereotypes (don’t worry the one using them gets there ass handed to them) but i am just wanted to make sure everyone knew and could skip this one is they wanted/needed to]

Karadox- AU of the 3x06 e.p of supergirl, in which Brainy (teen Brainy) arrives in Midvale around the e.p timeline. this is part 12 a piece of the future has come back.

In the weeks that followed Querl has learned about many aspects of school life in the 21st centenary. One of which as dentition with the concept was explained to him he found it ‘pointless, necessary and a waste of time and resources’ the sisters agreed but he still had to go.

another thing he learnt was that people found the fact he did not have books, pens and paper or a computer unnerving since he was still able to answer any question that was given to him. Kara gave him one of he spares and told him to just have it open on the desk and hold a pen so that he would not get any more criticism, unwanted attention or dentition's anymore.

though academically he was having no issue with his new surroundings, socially he was finding it difficult, teenagers are very different in the 31st centenary but to be fair all the teens Querl has encountered were beyond exceptional.

He misses them greatly.

But he did seem to be making progress with Kenneth though. He was a kind and intelligent person he just needed time to get over his awkward tendencies, Querl could understand that. In fact Kenneth had invited him to watch the stars with him and Kara through his telescope.

Querl liked being able to use ancient technology, to hold it in his hands, to feel the weight of it and to see the stars he has pasted a hundred times in a new light. The experiences was so unique he never thought it was something he would do or even thought of doing, but it is now a memory he will hold dear to is heart forever. Not just because of the stars but talking with Kenneth and Kara as the roasted marshmallows over the fire. The convocation was of every little learned discord but the silly nurture of the questions coupled with the earnestness of the answers made Querl feel warm in way he has not felt since he was with the legion.

But there was something else.

Something Querl had been feeling in the last few weeks that he could not completely explain. A horrid sinking feeling that something was right around the corner just out of sight, living just outside of the edge of his eye.

The school day was going slow as usual, when lunch came around Querl and Kara all sat at a table as they waited for Kenny. Jake Howell was an interesting person, at least to Querl, in the 31st centenary there are not many humans that are so outwardly aggressive, so it was fascinating to see first hand, like watching stampede heading right for you. Querl desired to watch from a safe distance but when witnessing a fire fight you might get caught in the cross hairs. Maybe that was why he was so on edge, this place was its own battle on Querl had no experience in or had anyway to navigate on his own, maybe that is what is living behind the coroner of his eye. But deep down he knew that was not the case but he will let himself think that way until he can’t any more.

Kara looked over to Querl.

‘You ok?’

‘Yes I just have been having a strange feeling lately.’

‘Anything I can help with?’

‘I am feared I can not say at the moment.’

‘That’s ok, just know I’m here.’

‘Thank you, Kara.’

The two of them then continued to have small talk when Kenny came in and the two of them waved him over. But it seemed the stampede closed in on Kenny, Jake knocked Kenny’s zha jiang mian his mother made him to the floor. This made Kenny and Kara very upset, Querl narrowed his eyes but only observed for the moment. Jake laughed and plugged his nose,

‘Oh, Wow Kenny, did you Mom cook the dog wrong.’

Kenny’s eyes looked down and he held in tear’s and anger as he picked put the now empty container and put the food back on the tray he was using to carry it. Querl stood slowly and walked over to Kenny and leaned down to him and cupped him shoulder before helping him. Jake then kicked Kenny’s back and Kenny stumbled and tripped into the floor. Kara then helped Kenny up to his feet. Querl slowly stood and stepped over to Jake until he was face to face, or in this case chest to face. Jake laughed in his face.

‘Awww look, Kenny’s got a boyfriend.’

‘My feeling’s for Kenneth are complete platonic, but even so your behaviour in unacceptable.’

Jake looked back at the table and they all laughed.

‘Oh, ok, new kid what are you going to do.’

‘I am not a violent person, so I am asking to stop this blatantly bigoted behaviour.’

Jake just smiled and shook his head, he then stepped forward.

‘And if I don’t.’

‘Then I shall take other measures. ’

‘Oh, are you going to tell on me.’

‘That is an option, however that is up to Kenneth, I will do is more, damaging.’

‘So you are going to beat me up.’

‘No, I believe you will do that for me.’

‘Right.’

a small crowed had gathered and they started chanting “fight, fight, fight.” Alex’s glared at Kara her face wore the expression of “do something Kara”. Kara went to garb Querl’s arm but he waved her off.

Jake then took a swing at him and Querl moved his head back and spun around to where Kenny fell, Jake stepped towards Querl and took another swing, Querl then effortstly ducked and truned on his heel then using the front of his foot he kicked up Kenny’s abandoned tray and flung it up into Jake’s chest, it was not enough to hurt him but it was enough to get the food he so harshly criticised all over his clothes.

The whole room went silent and Querl spoke.

‘I have fought much bigger bullies then you and have won, so I would suggest that you take my earlier advice and readjust your behaviour from here on out.’

Querl then simply turned his back and walked over to Kenny and Kara.

‘I am sorry I used your food to humiliate him, I simply thought it would be the most effective tool.’

Kenny had a bewildered look on his face.

‘How care’s that was awesome.’

Querl slowly nodded.

‘Well, if you are alright with it. Shall be sit back down Kenneth you can have the rest of my luch if you wish, I don’t need anymore.’

‘Thank’s man.’

The three of them then went back to the table and the whole room went back to its usual chatter but with a lot more looks making there way to the three of them.

‘Querl, you shouldn’t have done that.’

Kenny look over to her.

‘Why not Jake has had that coming for ages now.’

‘That might be true, but Querl you and me are trying to keep a low profile, there is still agents all over town and no one needs an excuse to look into us.’

Kara stated.

‘Good point, sorry Kara.’

Querl was silent for a moment before answering.

‘You are right of course, but the truth of the matter is that, the chance anyone here would make that connection in 8.78% so the odd’s were in my favour, and even if they were not the legion may not be here, but I am always a legionnaire and that mean’s to fight for justice and protect the innocent.’

Kara noted that the last statement sounded like he had said it a thousand times over and would say it a thousand times again.

‘I know but can you be more careful next time.’

‘Very well I make an effort to be less overt with these actions in the future.’

‘Thank you.’

Kara sighed softly, this must be how Alex’s feels all the time, Alex’s temper make a lot more sense to Kara now. But she is not mad at him not at all she was just worried but also a little jealous that he had the confidences to stand you and face him knowing with in good reason that there would be no real consequences. At least Jake will think twice before hurting Kenny again.

when the school day was over Kara, Kenny and Querl all headed to the library. Kara and Kenny studied and Querl looked around for books to read, he like library books as a lot of information had been lost throughout time so it was amazing to hold look through and read long lost texts. He would read over 20 very time he came in here, it was one of his favourite this in this time period. Other then the Danver’s sisters and Kenneth.

Querl went into a dark corner of the library and examined the books covered in the most dust, he saw one at the top of the shelf and looked around for anyone in sight of him. When he confirmed there was no prying eyes, he lifted himself off the ground and took the book in his hands before gently and quietly back to the floor with his prize.

Then he heard an all to familiar sound coming from the dark aisle.

‘No, it can’t be? not here, not now, not in this time.’

then a small black wiry object came out of the darkness.

to be continued......

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gaslitbyamadman · 5 years

Text

Monologue With A Madman

Part I:

“Are you feeling O.K.?”

“Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I have a ‘fixed false belief’”

“That means you’re crazy!”

“Are you sure?”

“Not at all, its what my Dr. said”

“Well, if he says it, it must be true!”

“Indeed.”

Part II:

“So, you learned to trust your Dr. then, did you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good.”

“So you don’t go believing your own silly opinions any more.”

“Absolutely, they’re all rubbish. Especially the ones I’m most convinced about.”

“Hmm. Interesting. If all your opinions are rubbish, how do you know that your opinion that they’re rubbish isn’t also rubbish?”

“I trust my Dr.”

“But then your opinion that he is trustworthy must also be rubbish, or at any rate equally unreliable.”

“True. It seems if I can’t trust myself, I can hardly trust my trust in my Dr. either. That one isn’t even in line my own senses, (especially when he’s sending a thousand volts through my poor cranium!)”

“Well, what with all the peculiar, cold, clinical, painful, invasive, non-consensual things he does to you then, that must be bloody terrifying.”

“Quite.”

Part III

“So, you’re sure you’re fine?

“Yes. My memory is still addled from the last treatment.”

“That doesn’t sound so good.”

“Well, it means that I don’t complain so much, so I won’t get shocked again so soon. So it makes me happy.”

“Ah yes. That always puts a silly smile on your face.”

“You’re right.”

“Pity about the brain damage though. Is that why you’re talking to yourself?”

“Perhaps.”

“Yes, because now you lack inner retention. Am I right?”

“Sorry, I’ve forgotten what you just said.”

“I said its because you lack inner retention. You can’t build on your own ideas within your own mind, and need to express them immediately or else they just vanish. But because of your tormented experiences, no one else can relate to what the Hell you’re on about, and they’ve all abandoned you, so you’re left chattering away to yourself like an old loon in ‘The Bin’. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, actually that’s right.”

“Sorry, what is?”

Part IV

“So, you’re not doing too well then after all, if I remember correctly. You’re plagued by utter self-doubt, yet full of delusional conviction at the same time, and the only person you ‘trust’ is electrically and chemically raping and torturing you so badly that you’ve become a gibbering idiot, who is afraid to admit it lest he receive further unwanted ‘medical attention’.”

“You say it better than I could. I can never think of what to say when people ask me about that on the spot. I just see… flashes.”

“Flashes?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm. O.K.”

“So basically you’re extremely scared of your Dr., but so afraid your afraid even to say it; nay, you’re so afraid that you’re afraid to even admit your fear to yourself, or outwardly express your normal distress signals. Instead they appear in ‘flashes’ inside your own head.”

“No that’s not true.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“But you admit you’re delusional.”

“Yes.”

“So perhaps you really are afraid.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why?”

“Please don’t harm me.”

“Do you feel that expressing your fear will be interpreted as an act of aggression?”

“Yes.”

“Ah. Well, that is an act of aggression just saying so. What a hypocrite.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh you’re going to be sorry.”

#MadPride Madness Monologues MentalIllness MentalHealth Psychiatry PsychRights CCHR MichelFoucault Philosophy

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not-tryin-2-have-a-debate · 5 years

Text

Not to complain abt lateral aggression online but you know that cycle of transphobic women severely misunderstanding the experience of trans men and their complicated relationship with misogyny despite not being women but then also trans men severely misunderstanding misogyny becuase of their complicated experience with having to deal with the fallout of it despite not being women

Yknow that circling piss pool

It seems like whenever i see a discussion of misogyny and like...how children are taught to live under and emulate it. Theres this disgusting mess of transphobes and terfs extrapolating reality out to their theories on "socialization"...but then there are also like 20 transmasc weirdos who are like trying to distance themselves from it and end up essentially saying misogyny or the aspect of it being discussed is fake and all these women are lying bc 'well I grew up as a gurl and it wasnt like that for ME' as if 1. Feeling disconnected from being a girl because you werent one had No Effect on how you viewed girls and how you were treated bc people assumed you were a girl??? Are you fucking sure????? 2.just like...lol at men thinking its progressive and good for them to deny misogyny generally? Lol @ men trying to distance themselves from their role in misogyny...especially men you would expect to have more compassion since they were like a mistakeb target of it...but nope! That just becomes a new excuse to say they cant do a misogyny that goes largely unchecked

Like....if you are aware that your trans or your not

A starting point is feeling a kind of disconnect from the group youre "meant" to be part of

When that group is women, youre inevitably going to also be disconnected in some way from the pain that comes from misogyny, bc on sone level it doesnt feel "meant for" you. Thats someone elses experience. When it happens to you its a mistake.

But then when these discussions come up now were "generalizing". It becomes "oh well this didnt happen with me, one example of a person, and furthermore a person who WAS NOT A WOMAN, so therefore you argument that x is a societal problem is bunk i guess" and its.....just.....So...like peak boy logic idk

When my brother came out so many things immediately made sense for better and for worse. For worse in that i realized why he never fucking helped with chores, he didnt seem to feel any empathy for my mom having to do everything for him, and i had to pick up the slack. It made sense that i didnt have an older sister, and it made sense that all that shit about the plight of the oldest daughter had always made me so like actively angry because it was the opposite of what i thought was my experience. But actually, I was the oldest daughter...for however much of a girl i am yknow but. Different convo.

Biological sex isnt a thing and there isnt really some deeply ingrained set of gender genes ir whatever. Its just feelings. But when youre born into a binary culture where you learn even subconsciously that x is how women should be and z is how men should be...when you dont idebtify with women, you dont idebtify with x. You tend to go toward z bc thats the only other option youve been given.

So even if x is expexted of you, its like completely expected for youre behavior to start shifting before you come out. A lot of people relate to that either bc they were realizing who they were or becoming more comfortable with being that way outwardly. Its not a negative thing. But when were talking abt being a guy...an unavoidable part of that list of guy thongs is misogyny. And entitlement. And sadly the transphobia these men face seems to push them into like grabbing onto these parts ofbbeing a man a lot stronger, and using their unique perspectivw and """insider info""" on what its like to be a woman (even though...again...they arent...so um...) as a tool to discredit them

this is really messy and like Ironically PMSing phone complaining and im sorry but like ohhh my god it annoys me so god damn much. boys annoy me it especially annoys me bc that boy is like saying its transmisogynist to talk abt an actual aspect of misogyny. whne like...no...trans girls are also victims of this. these expectations of women effect them as misogyny. directly. its so fucking stupid like yes a terf can will and often does take real issues and conspiracy theory connect them to making it trans women’s faults...but that isnt the same thing as trying to talk abt the misogyny faced by all women. like. obviously. and a man getting holier than thou abt it and trying to shut down that discussion as something transphobic makes me want to pull my hair out.

this is probably rude but it comes off like he’s trying to make it about him when its not. like ‘this is transmisogynist which is a kind of transphobia and that effect ME!!!” when in reality he’s just...a man complaining that women are talking about their own oppression. it isnt misogynist to talk abt fucking misogyny

and at the end of the day the thing being talked about was the INCREDIBLY WELL KNOWN IDEA that women are specifically put-upon by men and society at large. that women have to do all this extra shit just to exist, then more to not be ostracized, then more that the ‘normal’ expected amount of work that ‘everyone’ has to pitch in, then ‘’’women’s work,’’’then more to keep the men around them from falling to pieces and throwing temper tantrums...and after women do and have done all that, for thousands of years all around the world, we’re still the weak and lazy and simple and childlike ones that have to be protected by manly man who, as we all know, totally do All of The Work. that not being the experience in your family doesn’t make it suddenly dissappear. that not being your experience as a woman, because you AREN’T a woman, doesnt....make women’s experiences...different. but im just gonna unfollow that person and hope someday theyll learn ad well all go about our days bc it would be too much of an unneccessary and pointless effort for me to argue with a man about how women apparently don’t have to put tons of unneccessary pointless effort into dealing with and placating men and how saying so, apparently, hurts women?????? Ok

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lovewrm · 6 years

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jenna headcanons for jenna week: day five

Day five- Random AU (Draw/Write about Jenna in an AU of your choice) this is late sorry @jenna-week

okay so this is gonna be a hogwarts au aka. the most self indulgent thing i’ve ever written in my life. but on on the bright side im probably gonna make a whole series out of this so uh STAY TUNED I GUESS! @the-mangoos-n-craem

she’s a half blood (half blood father muggle mother)

she grew up in england even though her father was born in america and her mom’s italian

so basically: no close family history at hogwarts (although she has a HUGE family so probably there’s some third cousin who’s gone) and she’s nervous as heck bc she doesn’t really know what to expect??

although on the other hand this means there’s no pressure to be in a certain house,,,,

at the train station she’s v scared and a bit teary bc she doesn’t want to leave her parents and muggle friends behind af;ldkjsl;afdks so when jenna gets on the train she’s just looking for an empty compartment of which there are basically none

near the end of the train she’s giving up hope and she walks into a compartment she thinks is empty but there’s a few first years sitting in there

immediately jenna apologizes and tries to walk away but this girl bounces up from her seat and swings the closing door open and says, “come sit with us!! what’s your name? this is,” she added, pointing behind her, “jeremy and michael and we’re all new to hogwarts. oh, and im christine by the way!” and well. jenna hasn’t figured out she likes girls, but flip if christine’s swinging black hair isn’t mesmerizing, and she seems to actually want jenna to sit down, and maybe even be friends? and that’s an offer far too tempting to resist, so jenna grins, and says, “i’d love to sit with you. my name’s jenna.” and so the train ride flies by, and she barely even thinks about how much she misses her parents already, and how terrified she is to be sorted....

as soon as the train reaches the station jeremy rushes off to go throw up (he gets carsick) and michael, unwisely perhaps, follows close behind

and so jenna sticks with christine

they make their way to the boats but when it’s time to go jere and mike are nowhere to be seen so instead jenna and christine find themselves in a boat with two girls named chloe and brooke

jenna doesn’t. quite know what to think of them — brooke smiling quietly at them, looking rather green with seasickness and fear, chloe asking almost as many questions as christine (”what house do you think you’ll be in? where’re you from? do you know any magic yet?”) in a notably more aggressive fashion, though she says nothing outwardly mean

finally their boat hits the shore (brooke practically collapses onto the dirt in relief) and jenna follows christine as she — there’s no other way of saying it — skips after the professor up to the castle

after a few minutes of nervous waiting around in the great hall the first years are told to line up by last name and christine impulsively hugs jenna before dashing up to the front of the queue

therefore jenna is a blushy gal as she slips into line in front of another girl with a cloud of fluffy dark hair who grimaces tensely at her and whispers, “i’m madeline russell. what’s your name?” and they joke back and forth a few moments, with madeline at one point reaching out and fixing the twisted sleeve of jenna’s robe and jenna later laughing aloud until people start to stare and she quiets down

so as rolan is one of the later names in the alphabet jenna has to stand, stomach churning, and watch as each of her — well, she’s afraid to call them this after knowing them for such little time, but — friends are sorted into different houses — jeremy and chloe into slytherin, michael and brooke into hufflepuff, and christine into ravenclaw

but at last it’s her turn and madeline murmers, “you got this!” encouragingly in her ear

she’s a bit sweaty and downright terrified jenna is not a fan of all the eyes on her

after maybe twenty seconds with the sorting hat it’s determined: gryffindor!

shaking, she goes to sit with two boys who she will later learn to be rich and jake...

she’s SO relieved that the sorting went okay but quickly realizes she’s not with any of her friends — especially after the hat shouts “ravenclaw” nearly the second it touches madeline’s head

what will happen next?? who knows not me

ok this is a lot longer than i expected it to be and im tired so that’s all.... for now

if you read all that you have my unending love and support im highkey nervous to post this so

my writing tag

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purple-possibilities · 7 years

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Fuck Marry Kill: Kakashi, Sakumo, Madara (I'm evil, I know, I'm sorry)

SAKUMO KAKASHI AND MADARA??? Youuu… yoooooouuuuuu…. how dare you????!?!?

This is super long. Like way too long. I got really into this, so it’s under the cut.

So, at the very least, Sakumo and Kakashi are on a whole ‘nother tier of love for me. There’s actually one more ninja up there, who is an Uchiha, but that Uchiha is not Madara, unfortunately for him. So I can say (with much much muuuuuuch regret) that I’d kill Madara. It’s easier to say when I imagine that it’s canon Madara who is crazy. Yes yes. Not my Madara. My Madara is safe and in love with Kakashi (and hey if they both wanted to love me too I wouldn’t protest lol). Yes. Very good. So bye bye Madara, you always seem to draw the shortest straw. I am sorry to be perpetuating that, but you went kinda eye crazy and while I might have fucked your crazy ass, there’s no contest when it comes to Kakashi and Sakumo.

Which brings me to the evilness of this:

HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN KAKASHI AND SAKUMO????

Can I marry them both? Is that weird? I mean, they’re father and son but like… I’d be down. Please? No? I’m a freak you say? Damn. I always knew there was a way to love too much, and of course I stumbled headfirst into it.

Fuck me. Damn. Ok. Sibi has to choose who’s gonna fuck her 😝

I just love them both so much??? And now there’s the added weirdness of, hey I fucked your dad/son now marry me to think of (because of course this happens in the same world lol). How old does that make me in this situation? Idfk that’s too much semantics even for me.

Ok. Sakumo would be an amazing husband, I’ve said it a million times. And I feel so horrible that he felt like he had to commit seppuku for his botched mission, and I’m all about loving those soft broken boys. Poor Sakumo. Poor Kakashi. Poor me for having to choose. Fuck me. Like I want to say I’d marry Sakumo—because I totally would marry Sakumo today. If he appeared and was like “Sibi, marry me,” I would be gone. Happily ever after, the end, hey look that’s me and Sakumo disappearing into the sunset isn’t it lovely?

As I said, I want to say I’d marry Sakumo. Because I soooo want to marry Sakumo. But, Kakashi—I can never deny Kakashi. If I was dating Sakumo and then Kakashi asked me out I can’t say I wouldn’t dump his dad for him, just because Kakashi. Hell, if I was married to Sakumo and Kakashi asked me out I’d probably say yes I’m so sorry Sakumo (although I can see Sakumo being the type of guy that says “I just want you both to be happy,” and totally supporting my new relationship with his son lol. Sakumo is amazing. Fuuuck me). So that relegates Sakumo to the fuck zone (lol omg the image this gives me is hilarious 😂).

I think Sakumo, as much as he is a gentleman in my head, cooooouuullldd prrooooobably have a one-night stand. Or like, a many-nights stand haha. I don’t see him as pairing sex and emotions exclusively. But I also don’t think Sakumo is the kind of guy to just go around picking up chicks and then never seeing them again in the morning. Sakumo would want to buy you dinner first (he would not let you buy him dinner—or lunch or breakfast or pay for any date—because he’s old fashioned like that). But hey, if he were offering, I’d hop on 😜. It would be a night to remember, that I am sure of. Idk how it would happen… maybe he’s been dating someone for a while, they end up having sex (Sakumo wants a romantic connection first not just a sexual one, but he doesn’t need to wait for marriage. Sometimes I think Kakashi was a happy lil accident and not a planned baby. Sakumo would totally marry you if he knocked you up tho, and since you’d been together as a couple beforehand it wouldn’t be a horrible idea. It would be fantastic. Sakumo would be such an amazing husband). Then, for whatever reason, the relationship just wouldn’t work out. Poor us. *sigh* We had such lovely times together. Oh well, I (apparently) have Kakashi to comfort me, which is a win in my book lol!

So yeah, I’d marry Kakashi so hard he wouldn’t know what hit him. I can’t say he’d be the greatest or most outwardly romantic husband. He’d totally love you, no question, but he’d show it in small, sneaky things. He’s probably embarrassed to display too much affection, even after he knows you for a while. Even after being married to him for years. But he shows it.

He’d very casually do a lot of amazing things. Call it passive affection lol. Like, he’d make you lunch to take to work, and when you asked he’d just be like “oh, I found this food, it shouldn’t be wasted. Here, you take it.” Or you’d receive flowers from an anonymous sender. When you asked the delivery boy who sent them, he’d give a different description of the person who bought them every time (because Kakashi is too embarrassed to buy flowers. He uses a henge or calls the order in on the phone from a pay phone. Boy will not be caught haha). When he sees the flowers in your home later that day, you’ll know he sent them because he doesn’t throw them out when you’re not looking. God save anyone else who sends you flowers or gifts or love notes; Kakashi will make them all (and your admirer) disappear (they’re not dead, just suspiciously absent when’re you’re near). They’re also probably not very fragrant flowers, or ones with a lot of pollen.

I can see him buying potted plants over cut flowers too. You can put your plants on the ledge next to Mr Ukki. It makes Kakashi feel all fluttery inside when he glances at them. Your plants might get name cards, labelling them as Mr Ukki’s spouse and their children. It’s adorable. If you ask how they got there, Kakashi will shrug and say something like “I don’t control Mr Ukki. He’s free to make his own choices. If he found love, who am I to stop him?” “But Kakashi, Mr Ukki can’t write, he can’t even move!” “I think those name cards prove that he can.” “Where did he get the paper and the marker from then?” “I’m not here 24/7. I don’t know what Mr Ukki does in his spare time.” It’s hilarious.

If you’re on the couch or in bed, reading or watching tv or something, expect a random Kakashi to fall on your lap. When you say hi or ask him what he’s doing, he’ll be like, “Oh, I didn’t notice you there. Well, it’s too much trouble to move now.” Then he’ll make himself comfortable and you won’t be getting up for a loooong time. Also, he always washes the dishes. Even if you don’t cook and he’s the one cooking (and he’s a great cook) he insists on washing the dishes. Speaking of cooking, Kakashi is really good at making the dishes he likes, not so much with other things, unless it’s a detailed recipe. He’s not going to improvise in the kitchen, but he’s great at following a recipe. He doesn’t bake desserts tho. But he will totally learn to cook you whatever you want. If you go to a resto and really like something, he will somehow steal the recipe and randomly make it for you. You’ll think he’s just buying you takeout until one day he lets you catch him cooking that dish in the kitchen (and he lets you catch him, you don’t stand a chance if he wants to hide it).

He’s got his issues tho, so expect to deal with nightmares and his low self-esteem (boy thinks he’s not worthy of love. Love him harder). He also doesn’t like to go out much, esp to crowded places. But he likes being outside. So you could convince him to take you to some private spot by the river or even a beach if there’s one nearby. Kakashi knows a lot of quiet, private spots where you can go to read and cuddle. That’s Kakashi’s favourite date.

Although I also think he really likes listening to his s/o talk. He’d put down his book to listen to you talk about your day, especially if something good happened and he got to see you smile or hear you laugh. Kakashi likes seeing people happy. It makes him feel like all the horrible things he had to suffer were worthwhile if it meant he created a world where the people he loves can be happy. My poor poor Kakashi.

If you find a topic Kakashi is passionate about, don’t expect him to shut up any time soon lol. Motormouth no Kakashi will talk your ear off if it’s the right topic and you’re alone. He’s so adorably passionate. Kiss him if he goes on for too long. He’ll be startled at first, but then his mask is down and you’re on your back and Kakashi is showing you all the other things his mouth can do.

It would be hard to make Kakashi mad, but when you do see him angry it’s an experience. He tries to keep calm and aloof but his words are sharp and clipped and he either talks down to you or (if he can) disappears. For like a week. Then he comes back, and (if necessary) talks the argument out. If it’s something where disappearing is a no-go, he is veeeerrrryyy stubborn. He doesn’t yell, but kid-Kakashi rears his head. Kakachibi is a stubborn one, I cannot stress that enough lol.

With smaller things that irritate him, expect passive aggressiveness, just like he’s passive affectionate lol. Like, lunch is burnt, or something he knows you don’t like. You suddenly can’t find your favourite pair of shoes. He walks past you in your home and sits in a different room instead of spending time with you. You’ll have to confront him about it, or wait for him to get over whatever it is. Or just cuddle him. The man has been touch starved, it’s hard for him to pull away when you start running your hands through his hair or even just causally sitting next to him with your thigh just barely touching his. If it’s your fault, say sorry and suddenly you’re in his arms or on his lap and his nose is buried in you neck while he continues to (pretend to) read. He’ll whisper his apology into your skin, just loud enough that you’re not sure he said anything at all, if it wasn’t for the vibration in his chest and the way his lips moved against you’d skin.

If he’s at fault (and he eventually realizes he’s overreacting) he’ll come to you like a sad puppy, usually with some small offering and sad saaaad eyes (or eye, if he’s still got his Sharingan lol). If you’re still mad (how can you be???) he’ll flood you with his passive affection lol. You’ve got a cup of water and it’s half empty? Kakashi will refill it for you. You’re rubbing your neck? Suddenly massage. You have to go run an errand? Kakashi is following beside you, taking your bags and oh wow did you just conveniently pass by your favourite restaurant even though it wasn’t anywhere you were going? Kakashi suddenly decides he’s hungry and you should both pop in for a bite. You’re too angry to go? You come back home to takeout from that resto, somehow still hot. Kakashi is a magician of apologies. He doesn’t say the words very often, which can be annoying. But you can tell he feels bad. Kiss him and he’ll whisper his apology on your lips.

This is really long. Wow. I’m not even done. Maybe I should be done? Ok I’m done (for now). Ask me more about Kakashi later lol.

Thank you for sending the ask! I really appreciate it! Let’s play FMK

Already done: Already done:

Neji, Kiba, and Chouji?

Maito Dai, Sakumo, Minato?

#hatake kakashi #hatake sakumo #uchiha madara #fmk meme #answered asks #thegreatestofgames #just a little piece i wrote

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thelegendofclarke · 7 years

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Sorry to bring up The Discourse again but how do you feel about the fact people don't acknowledge that while Sansa's traditional femininity is rewarded in-universe, it is a mark against her on a meta level? Many people decry Sansa as "weak" or "boring" or "stupid" due to her "girly-girl" status and her more traditionally feminine storyline, she is consistently in the bottom of character polls because people have been programmed to devalue or even hate "girly-girls".

Hey Anon!

You’re totally fine :) I really don’t mind discussing or even debating this topic tbh. It’s the condescension, vitriol, and being called an unfeminist asshole ect. ect. that I’m not particularly a fan of haha.

You’re getting into a few different points here and I’m going to attempt to talk about them in a semi -organized, coherent manner. So bear with me… Your first point of “while Sansa’s traditional femininity is rewarded in-universe” touches on one of the (floppity trillion) things that kind of ~grinds my gears~ about how this topic is discussed.

Its a pretty significant misstatement and misconception to say that any woman is “rewarded in a patriarchy,” especially an incredibly oppressive patriarchy like Westeros. No woman is ever rewarded in a patriarchy. Not being punished is not a reward. Not being mocked or ostracized is not a reward. Being praised for conforming to an arbitrary set of standards aggressively imposed on you by society is not a reward. Not being beaten or otherwise abused is not a reward. Having basic human rights and freedoms is not a reward. Being treated with basic human decency and respect is not a reward. And tbh, thinking that these things are “rewards” is one of the things that allows a patriarchy to function in this manner in the first place.

It’s one of the most effective tactics of oppressive societies: they shrink the size of your world and the scope of your permissible behavior, punishing you when you cross an invisible line that is perpetually moving, until you are basically stuck on a tiny patch of grass like a dog unwilling to cross an electric fence. So then, when they finally open the gd gate to take you for a walk, you’re supposed to feel grateful and say “thankyouthankyouthankyou” and pee yourself with excitement. And you do; even when you’re owned, even when you’re property. even when you’re still firmly on their leash, they can somehow make it feel like freedom.

Margaret Atwood has some very good (and creepily accurate/applicable) quotes in The Handmaid’s Tale that really get to the heart of the problem with the idea that freedom in the most basic sense is a “reward”…

“A rat in a maze is free to go anywhere, as long as it stays inside the maze.”

“There is more than one kind of freedom,“… “Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don’t underrate it.”

And also about the fallacy that women in an oppressive patriarchy are granted any kind of real agency:

“I compose myself. My self is a thing I must now compose, as one composes a speech. What I must present is a made thing, not something born.”

“I have failed once again to fulfill the expectations of others, which have become my own.”

“That was one of the things they do. They force you to kill, within yourself.”

A system of perpetually limited freedom, agency, and self determination doesn’t allow for rewards really, at least not for the oppressed demographics. Everyone is a victim of whatever group is in power (i.e. men in a patriarchy). So then you have to start getting into the area of debating who is a “better victim” or “more of a victim,” and those conversations are alwaysss yikesy. I don’t think there is any fair or objective or comfortable way to answer a question like “whose pain, abuse, and/or oppression is most important?” People like to point out that there is always the option not to engage in patriarchal standards, but the consequences for this can be severe. So then that begs the question, is there really an option? And are we willing to blame people for choosing what ever the “not abuse” option is. Its the concept that’s at the heart of coercion: taking away someone’s choices until they come to believe that the only choice left that isn’t ~terrible~ is the thing that they want.

I can ~kind of~ see where people are coming from when they make the argument that Sansa and women like her are “rewarded in universe.” Sansa does receive a lot of praise in the narrative from other characters for being good at traditionally feminine skills. Definitely far more by a large margin than characters like Brienne and Arya, who don’t comply with prescribed gender roles. The skills Sansa has are more socially acceptable in universe of course; they are much more valuable in terms of cultural currency, and make her much more marketable in a society where women are essentially chattel to be sold or traded. But as I have kind of talked about before, comparing the treatment different types of women are subjected to in a patriarchal society and how it affects them just isn’t that cut and dry. Traditionally feminine women are supposed to be the most “rewarded” group of women, while women who do not act “how a woman should” are meant to be the most disadvantaged or disenfranchised group. But when you really examine the POV’s of women like Cersei and Sansa vs. women like Brienne and Arya, you can see if affects them mentally in very different ways.

Cersei, who outwardly seems to be the epitome of a Good Westerosi Woman in her appearance and her actions, and has the ultimate “reward” (being the Freaking Queen), seems to have the most veraciously negative mentality about her gender and her role in society.

Cersei sniffed. “I should have been born a man. I would have no need of any of you then. None of this would have been allowed to happen. How could Jaime let himself be captured by that boy? And Father, I trusted in him, fool that I am, but where is he now that he’s wanted? What is he doing?”— ACoK

“We were so much alike, I could never understand why they treated us so differently. Jaime learned to fight with sword and lance and mace, while I was taught to smile and sing and please. He was heir to Casterly Rock, while I was to be sold to some stranger like a horse, to be ridden whenever my new owner liked, beaten whenever he liked, and cast aside in time for a younger filly. Jaime’s lot was to be glory and power, while mine was birth and moonblood.”— ACoK

“If the gods had given her the strength they gave Jaime and that swaggering oaf Robert, she could have made her own escape. Oh, for a sword and the skill to wield it. She had a warrior’s heart, but the gods in their blind malice had given her the feeble body of a woman.”— ADwD

Cersei learned how to perpetuate and perform femininity in a socially acceptable way, despite her constant frustration and contempt for its constraints. But it has left her in a state of basically complete self loathing; she is bitter and angry and just so incredibly unhappy.

Brienne on the other hand, couldn’t look or act less like Cersei. She is one of the most “masculine” female characters in appearance and stereotypical behavior. and yes, Brienne does have insecurities from the criticisms and mockery she receives.

Lady Stark had been kind to her, but most women were just as cruel as men. She could not have said which she found most hurtful, the pretty girls with their waspish tongues and brittle laughter or the cold-eyed ladies who hid their disdain behind a mask of courtesy. — ACoK

There is not question she is judged and degraded and treated atrociously. BUT, she doesn’t seem to suffer from the same resentment, self loathing and all consuming anger that Cersei does. She wants to be a knight, but she never tries to pass as a man nor wishes she had been born male. Yes, she recognizes and resents the limitations placed on her because of her gender, but she also actually expresses respect for women as well:

“No, but you have courage. Not a battle courage perhaps but… I don’t know… a kind of woman’s courage.”— ACoK

“[L]adies die in childbed. No one sings songs about them.” — ACoK

So that kind of shows how even The Best Women aren’t really “rewarded” in a system like Westeros’s. There is nothing rewarding about being pigeon holed and forced into a teeny tiny box. There is nothing rewarding about constantly being at the mercy of rigid expectations based on conformity and stereotypes and prescribed gender roles. And there is definitely nothing rewarding about being taught to hate yourself based on your gender.

Which also relates to your next point about how Sansa’s brand traditional femininity can be a mark against her on a meta level; and how she, and other characters like her, get called “weak” or “boring” or “stupid” due to their “girly-girl” status… This is essentially one of the reasons why people argue that the rise of the Warrior Woman Character can, at times (NOT ALWAYS), be sort of a double edged sword.

On the one hand it has been amazing for feminism. Its breaking the mold, its fighting the idea that there is only one way to be a Good Woman, its showing that there is no wrong way to be a woman. These types of characters show that sword fighting can be just as feminine as sewing. In fact these characters represent the idea that there really is no such thing as the distinction between “feminine activities” and “masculine activities.” Things do not have a gender. Activities do not have a gender. They can’t actually be male or female. They are actually neutral; their existence or practice doesn’t exclusively depend solely on one gender or the other. There is no difference between sword fighting and dancing; they are both just physical activities people can take part in. There is no difference between pants and dresses; they are both just clothes, pieces of material we use to cover our bodies. The only reason we think of them as masculine or feminine, the only reason we consider them to be gender coded AT ALL, is because we are taught to do so. And the Warrior Woman character defies these stereotypes.

But these types of characters can also be ~warped~ to help perpetuate patriarchal norms just as much as classically feminine characters can, because the fucking patriarchy ruins everything. (Seriously though, it is the reason we can’t have nice things.) That’s one of the hallmarks of a patriarchy, it appropriates something that is supposed to be empowering for disenfranchised or exploited groups and ~twists it~ to their own benefit. The Handmaids Tale has another great example of this with The Republic of Gilead’s perversion of the bible verse Matthew 5:5, “blessed are the meek.” Instead of citing the entire phrase, as the narrator Offred points out, “they never mention the part where ‘the meek will inherit the earth’.” The quotation of scripture is manipulated to support the idea that the Handmaid’s should be submissive, that it is their duty to acquiesce to their subservient role in society.

So as a result, instead of defying gender coded distinctions, these types of females can be applauded as the “superior” type of female character because they are skilled in areas that are “traditionally masculine.” A woman who is good at sword fighting is “more badass” than a woman who is good at sewing, because being able to sword fight is a more valuable skill than being able to sew. And of course it is, its a traditionally masculine skill; the Bro-er the Better. Then all the big time, toxic patriarchal shit rears its ugly asshole head with the concept that anything feminine or “girly” is bad and that anything masculine or “manly” is good. That femininity is weakness and stupidity while masculinity is superiority and strength; that masculinity is preferential while femininity is, at best, acceptable.

This type of thinking makes the Warrior Woman Character, who is good at combat and sword fighting, stronger and more admirable, and a superior role role model, and just all around Better than the Girly Girl Character who likes sewing and dancing. It takes beautiful, strong, dynamic female characters of both varieties and polarizes them in a really annoying and unnecessary way. It makes a plot/arc/storyline where a female character learns to fight or some other traditionally masculine skill an “upgrade” and a hero story, while a plot/arc/storyline where a female character does something more traditionally feminine is a “down grade” or a ~chick flick~ and not to be taken as seriously. It makes female characters who have many different skills (both traditionally feminine and masculine) into Mary Sue’s and says “she must be bad at something! she must have glaring flaws and obvious weaknesses!” or else she “isn’t believable, isn’t relatable, and isn’t at all lovable.”

It dictates that characters like Sansa Stark must be weak and stupid, because they are skilled at sewing and not sword fighting and they have to rely on intuition and their intellect instead of fighting and their physicality to protect themselves.

And I mean, honestly… It 👏 Is 👏 So 👏 STUPID! 👏

#hope this answers your question anon!#alys answers #asoiaf for ts #got for ts #sansa stark #cersei lannister #brienne of tarth #god one day i WILL learn how to write a concise answer #apparently i juST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS!#fuck the patriarchy #now i need a nap #sexism tw #long post #anonymous #alys meta

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years

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My Life Story - Part 41

For my fifteenth birthday, I received the guitar I would learn to play on. It was a black and white fender stratocaster knockoff. My father taught me E,A,C,D,G, the minors and a few of the 7ths, how to play the chords on neck, how to play power chords, how to tune a guitar to itself, and how to pick around certain chords, to get the feeling of the sound of that chord without necessarily playing it outright. Everyday after 10th grade I would rush home and play my guitar for several hours before I did anything else. I eventually was able to tune the neck simply by listening to the sounds of the strings.

At school, I was now the official school goth. For years they had been calling me a hippie-goth – whatever this happened to mean, and for years they had been mostly wrong. I would have loved to dress that way, but I simply never had nice clothes. I was usually stuck with t-shirts and jeans. I had been called goth frequently simply for wearing a black hoodie that had the Nike symbol on it which was silly and telling of what a small town Kendrick is. I could probably sort of understand by 10th grade though that I might fit in some superficial idiot's version of what a goth might mean. I threw away all my shirts that were not band related t-shirts. I dyed my hair black, wore enormous amounts of black eyeliner, and lined my eyes in red. I refused to smile at the camera in school, or at all really. I was no longer the gullible silly girl they had known before. I was outwardly passive aggressive and didn't take kindly to being made fun of. Of course, under the tough exterior, I was every bit the timid person I had always been, but I wasn't about to let them know that.

Football games no longer excited me. The smell of bad nachos and the night air no longer seemed made for me. I used to be able to hide from this painful feeling of emptiness when I went to the school events, but it seemed like that no longer worked. I was not distracted by anything. And at the very most, I would look at a specific spot at the school, and I would have these vivid recollections of Zack the previous year, and that mostly hurt. I was also approaching school with the idea that I was going to make it work. I didn't want to do this, and I still was not willing to do homework. But I wanted to see if I could at least become a D student. This might sound like failing to most people, but when you have brought your grade up from 15% to 60%, then the improvement I was looking to make was actually quite a lot.

Ava was gone – to the nice big school up in Moscow to make new friends and then destroy their lives, Katie had new friends in her own class, Jason was gone from school forever – was employed by the elderly to do gardening and physical work on people's homes. Justin and Cody were both gone – I don't recall where the Smiths moved, but they did. It really was just Sam, Zack, Sarah and I. It is worth noting that a boy in the grade above, this mousy forgettable fellow with blonde curly hair, cheap clothes and glasses sat by us too. He was incredibly shy and talked with a strong lisp. He didn't really fit in anywhere, and I guess we were that group of mismatched individuals that had nowhere else to sit. We would all sit together at lunch. It was just this default group. I knew that Zack was probably thinking about quitting altogether, as his sixteenth birthday was that September. And every fiber of my being was totally possessed by his very existence, but I had acquired this cold dignity about me. I wasn't about to let him know that I still cared, or myself when it came down to it.

Now that we were proper high school students, we ate with the juniors and seniors. There was this especially odd looking senior that had just moved to the area. His name was Daniel, but I renamed him Noah for some reason when I first met him, and he was by far one of the strangest people who ever came to Kendrick high school, he had long black hair down to his lower back, glasses, and he was the tallest person I had ever seen – 6'8. He seemed to lumber more than walk, and he reminded me a bit of one of the trees in LOTR. He wore all black clothing everyday, and seemed to struggle with decent clothing that fit. And he had a very friendly demeanor, and a very dry sense of humor and seemed somewhat intelligent. He saw us on the first day of school and decided to sit with all of us. I guess he figured that he might fit in with us the best. At first, I was rude to him because I was anxious and was at this point in my life where I was beginning to feel very defensive and inclusive. But then he must have said something sort of funny, and I laughed. When I laughed, I happened to notice that Zack got this dismayed sad look on his face. I think he had tried to say something, but I had ignored it. It hurt me to watch Zack become sullen and deflated, but also felt kind of good for some reason. I had felt abandoned and betrayed, and now I wanted Zack to realize that I was not simply 'his person'. So I started talking to Noah at the lunch table more frequently. I started debating him about everything he did and said. He didn't seem to mind at all, and took on everything I said with a great bit of care to respond back equally as questioning. While I did this, I was often actually gauging Zack's reaction to the attention I gave to Noah. I could tell it was bothering him a lot. I reveled in his sad blue eyes looking down at the table.

I had to take 9th grade algebra over again and I was the only 10th grader that had been held back. I was quite uncomfortable being in a class of younger students, many of whom I couldn't stand, but this discomfort actually made me pour into my math lessons more so. This was the first class I didn't have any of my friends around me, all there was was me, the lesson and the bookwork. And it was strange, but in the absence of anyone who really knew me, I felt prompted to do a better job. It was almost as though some of my poor attitude had been showing off. I started getting all my assignments done, and I started really trying. Mrs. Rush was at first incredulous and surprised, but eventually after a month or two of this, she called me to speak to her after class. She told me that she was very impressed and surprised by my improvements. She hadn't seen it in me honestly, and though I was not naturally good at math, I was of reasonable intelligence in the subject if I set my mind to it. This was probably the first honest schoolwork related compliment I had received in several years, since 5th grade, and coming from a teacher who couldn't stand me the previous year, this meant a lot whether I wanted to admit it or not.

I was also doing better in my science class. I started paying attention to the lessons, and found that I really enjoyed science. I instantly understood chemistry. It wasn't actually too hard to understand how atoms worked, how they created elements, and how elements formed together in this equation. I liked looking at the world around me and imagining it not as whole things, but as several atoms all working together. In a sense, I remember feeling like this new realization took the magic out of everything. I looked at Zack's eyes and realized that perhaps they were just a bunch of tiny fragments. How could an element found everywhere explain the existence of so many things I loved. How could science explain why Radiohead was so beautiful, why I felt contradicting emotions towards people? I was very puzzled, and didn't know how I should feel about ruining my religious faith in art like that. Science killed the mystical. But I paid close attention nonetheless because it was valid and interesting, and I really started to care about my education. Other classes, I still failed. I didn't like our new English teacher. So I didn't often times do her assignments. And history was still too boring to stay awake for.

I was listening to a lot of Smashing Pumpkins around that time. I am not terribly into them now, but whenever I hear the song 1979, I get this sickly strong remembrance of this time in my life, the way my converse looked in the grass, Zack trying to get my attention, the way my locker smelled, the way Sarah walked down the hill, and the way the sun looked to me in those days.

After a few weeks of intentionally ignoring Zack, I grew deeply sorry. I had pushed him too far away at some point, and he stopped eating at our table suddenly one day. As Noah continued to talk to me, I watched Zack walk away. I felt sick to my stomach, realizing what I had just done. Was I about to get real with myself and just admit I still had feelings for the guy? No, I wasn't about to do that, but I wasn't going to lose him either. However, I never did get much of a chance to coax him back. The next week, as I was going about brainstorming whatever it was I had to do to be his best friend again – the one he used to sing Best Friend by Queen about, I discovered that Melissa had decided to come back to Kendrick high school again. They were dating, and it was easy for me to sometimes forget that. I think her return was some kind of temporary thing they did for fun, but it completely ruined my attempts to make up for my betrayal. Watching them together was strange. They seemed to have their own world, and when Zack was around her, I no longer existed, and I felt very strange about that. I would silently mope, but I could never tell anyone what was actually wrong. Eventually after several weeks of personal despair and this vague annoyance at myself that extended to Noah, since I had in some strange way intentionally used him to put him between Zack and I, Melissa and Zack skipped together and got caught doing it. Rather than face detention, Melissa split school altogether. Zack took the detention. All was well again.

The detention room was extended off the main school office, and it faced a window. For some reason I could never figure out, it was the same room where they kept stocked up sodas for the pop machine. They literally put the bad kids in the room with endless amounts of soda and candy for the venting machine. Why they did this, I will never know. At first, I thought it must have been some kind of test, to see what kind of virtue the detention kids had, but there was no test to it. Zack filled up an entire backpack with soda and candy. We also visited him at lunch break through the window. We had to continue to duck from the office ladies, who sensed someone was looking into the room and through the window and at one point I had to take cover right below the window, as an angry office lady, sure of her intuition gazed out with clueless suspicion.

That Friday, Sarah and I decided to skip as well. I felt I was doing a really good job at school, and I needed a break. It felt right for us to skip, and it felt like my personal right to do so. I urged Sarah to skip with me. Sarah came down to my house that day. I wanted to do things that were constructive and fun on our day off. It would be like a more personal extension of our education, the way I saw it. Anybody worth knowing, as I figured it, had never skipped a day of school. My father was playing music again, and he had bought some speakers and set them up in the 'other room' (I had moved my bedroom upstairs again and this was now what we called one of the rooms I had had when I slept downstairs) with his bass guitar. Sarah and I went in there, and we tried to write a song. I played two chords back and forth, with no particular style or speed. Sarah tried to find the notes on the bass that went with the melody I was strumming. It never sounded right, nor could I really get into what I was doing. The song was beyond lame, but we tried to make something out of it, playing it for about half an hour before giving up.

We were then hungry, so I decided to make a cake. The problem was that we had no eggs. If I had been savvy and had known what I know today, I would have went down the the pop machine down the road to buy a can of pop, which works as well as eggs do in making cakes rise – a little trick you learn when you are vegan. But I didn't know this. Instead, I got frustrated and decided to add way too much sugar and way too much oil, which I thought might somehow make up for the eggs in some way. What came out of the oven forty minutes later was the most disgusting cake that I have ever tasted. I couldn't even eat cake for about a year after that gross creation, and the mere thought of this cake used to make me gag. All in all, the day was depressing and gross. The sun was going down, and there was this existential empty feeling we both had. We never made a delicious cake, and we never wrote a good song. I started getting this sick empty feeling, like there had to be more to life, but in the end everything was pointless like this. Had Ava been there, we might have had a great time. Those days were over, and I had a greater love for Sarah than Ava, but still. Sometimes you need that freaking nutcase to make your days go by. This was such a lame day, perhaps the lamest day of my life. I was trying to heighten life somehow by skipping school with Sarah, but in the end it made me sick to my stomach.

I was more than certain that Sarah and I would get away with skipping school. We hadn't actually been caught, and though it seemed suspicious, it wasn't out of the ordinary for us to catch the same cold at nearly the same time, seeing as we were close friends in a small school. The weekend would pass, as it had for years, and I knew that the teachers and office women would forget about it over the course of the weekend and we would be free to go on as if nothing had happened. I had literally gotten away with skipping school over one hundred times, and I had very little fear of anyone catching me and punishing me accordingly. So when I walked into school and casually checked into the office to confirm that I had been sick on Friday, the office lady said something blatantly rude and knowing that she knew that Sarah and I had skipped school together. I told her that she couldn't prove it, and she should mind her own business. I probably shouldn't have said this to the feisty mean redheaded office woman, because she immediately went to the principal and they set out to get Sarah and I into trouble.

This event really got out of hand. My father showed up, Sarah's mother Carol showed up. The principal explained what corrosive and futureless bums Sarah and I were getting to be. Even though my father and Carol both couldn't stand one another, they seemed to form a sort of bond around punishing Sarah and I in this one specific occasion. I didn't get it at all. I had always thought Carol to be more or less looking out for me. She knew my dad beat me up no more than a year ago. Why was she working with him? I personally felt betrayed and incredibly mistrustful of all of them. They talked about how Sarah and I had changed over the summer. My father's suspicions of my drug use had been renewed.

Sarah and I were both pulled out our last hour and sent to the office. Everyone looked at us with cold stares. Redhead looked into my eyes and smirked viciously. I built myself up and got ready for a battle. The old principal was gone, and in his place there was a new principal named Mr. Conover. He looked an awful lot like Hoggle from Labyrinth. I was taken into the office, and between my father and Mr. Conover, I was asked questions about what I thought I was doing and what I wanted to be when I became an adult. Every time I tried to answer the both of them would shout right over me that I was wrong. It wasn't terribly loud, but it was useless trying to explain myself. I tried to explain that I couldn't imagine a life that would be meaningful unless I served music or art and that I didn't want to go to college at all. I wanted to form a band and travel the world. My father and the principal told me my dreams were stupid and couldn't happen. They told me I wasn't good enough to be anything like that, and I needed to be realistic. The principal explained to me that he played bass guitarist for decades and he had never become famous. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't interested in MTV, or having a hit or anything like that. I didn't care if I had more than a few thousand loyal fans, I just wanted to be a part of music.

Basically, they both just tossed me back and forth, knocking me down to size, until I just started saying empty rebellious things like they wanted me to. I didn't want to admit it, but they had succeeded in making me semi ashamed of myself and I really wished that I had said nothing. I promised myself never to tell people openly what I wanted. It seemed like everyone was a fucking expert ready to tell you what you could and could not do. And I knew my night was going to be a bad one. This little ordeal was only the beginning. Carol angrily took Sarah home. My father was in a rage when we left the principal's office and I tried my best to hold my head high. Redhead gave me one more mocking smile, before my father insisted that we go talk to some of my teachers to ask them what my grades were like. Nobody was in their classes anymore, since school had gotten out while I had been trapped in their little shame game, and this made my father even angrier. I was actually half hoping my math teacher of all people could still be in her class. She of all people might actually vouch for my improvements in her class, which was really quite extraordinary since I hadn't had a decent math grade for nearly five years. I tried to explain this to my dad, but upon hearing it, I realized that he actually was not happy to hear this. The look on his face actually was more angry. He wanted me to fail, so he could knock me down.

When we got home, he shouted at me as loud as he could for nearly an hour. He attacked everything about me. He shouted at me for doing drugs, said I was lying. I tried to scream back, but my voice was nowhere near as loud as his was. He told me I looked ugly and like a goth freak who slits her wrists. I tried to explain to him that the only differences I had gone through in the last year was that this had been the first time in my life where I actually had built up a sense of self worth, and the first time I had ever had a goal in my entire life. He continued to verbally and emotionally abuse me, till basically it just became the same as it always had been. My covering my head crying and shaking uncontrollably doubting everything I said and feeling worthless and weak, while he leaned over me screaming at my head, the same old picture we had been posing for for years. He took my cd's from me as an attempt to punish me further, and told me I wasn't allowed to be a 'goth' anymore.

Sarah's mom had also thought that perhaps music was making Sarah into a bad student, so she attempted to take Sarah's music away, but Sarah looked at her straight in the face, with the look of 'Really Mom?', and she had taken a step back. What we had done was probably worthy of getting maybe a few detentions, but they gave both Sarah and I three days of in school suspension each. I didn't get my cd's back for several months. My father tried to make me change my make up when I left for school, saying I looked like an ugly clown. I actually refused to take the make up off, and told him that even if he made me, he really couldn't control how I wore my make up as soon as I got to school. He threatened that he could, but I knew that was probably one of the emptiest statements he had ever made.

When Sarah was in detention, we visited her in the window. And at the end of the day, she probably walked out with fifty dollars worth of candy and soda. Then it was my turn. Sitting in the office, I got to listening to the office women talking. Adults really weren't all they were cracked up to be. They gossiped about other teachers. They talked about one of the teacher's weight. They then moved on to the football stars in the school, talking about which ones were 'fine looking'. I listened around midday as April, the girl in the class below who had often hung out with Jason, came in because her drunken father had stumbled in insisting that April had stolen cigarettes before school.

April screamed at her good for nothing and clearly drunken horrible father denying that she had taken the cigarettes. I had a feeling she had stolen her good for nothing dad's cigarettes, and even though April and I were not friends at all (she had walked up to me on the first day and told me that my new look made me look like a clown as well), I sort of rooted for her and felt bad for her. The office women were eating this altercation up, siding with April's dad, even after he threatened to beat the shit out of her and called her a worthless little bitch. The office women were sick. They were getting into it the way dumbasses get into wrestling. They wanted to see someone get taken down, and they didn't care if it meant facilitating abuse within the actual school in their own office. April was sent to another room to calm down.

April, though a crude and unfriendly creature whom I had little in common with, she being into ICP and fart jokes, really did have it rough, and I had to respect that she was doing the best she could to get through life, same as I was. She suffered from bipolar disorder, and these kinds of situations were brutal to her ability to function – I could recognize that she had been intentionally antagonized until she snapped. And that's what the institution of education wanted to do to people like her and I, make us snap and cause us to wreck our own lives. That way, we never would have any credibility and the social order would have 'the other' to look down upon and nothing would change. The office women were beaming with excitement for the rest of the day. It made me want to gag, just thinking about what horrible people they both were.

I got ahead in my math lessons, and managed to get sixty lessons done in advance. That way, I wouldn't have to do any math until late November. Why I had never thought to do my homework this way was beyond me. It was actually quite relaxing and enjoyable. I realized how much I enjoyed doing my homework in this nice little room, with a window before me open to nature. It was quiet and I could be alone. I failed to really understand how this was a punishment for me.

At lunch break, Zack came to visit me. He and I put our hands together through the window. We made faces at one another like children. He picked flowers and set them in the window ledge outside. And whenever the office women came to look in, he would duck. When they weren't looking he would come back up again, and blow me a kiss, before rattling something outside so they were compelled to look for him again, in which case he would drop to the ground again so they couldn't see him. I couldn't believe that these women could not understand that they were not able to see a good portion of the window area. It was a poor man's version of the ending of Benny and Joon.

Naturally I walked out of the class with fifty dollars worth of soda and candy same as my fellows before me. Anyway you could rob or fuck over the establishment, it was your solemn duty to do so. And for some reason, nobody ever followed up or accused Zack, Sarah or I of stealing. Jason had done it last year, and we couldn't possibly have been the only ones. I felt nothing but good since I now didn't have to do math for the rest of 2004 just about and I had Reece's Pieces to eat galore to eat and wash down with endless cans of Cherry Pepsi.

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