#sorry for how long this is i was struggling to summarise them

[alwayscobrakai]

Tell me about your aus

okay i sat here for like 10 minutes trying to think of which au to talk abt and couldnt decide so im just going to write little summaries of all my favs and i can elaborate if requested

all of these were made with my wife <3

dream au: its 2009. johnny and daniel start having weird dreams about each other. the dreams seem to have continuity?? and are all extremely vivid and clear. johnny is the first to break and actually find daniel in real life to ask "hey am i insane or are these things real???". daniel has a minor breakdown but eventually admits they are and a relationship builds from there. theres also the same thing happening to 2019 era daniel and johnny and they are a Lot less normal abt it

tkk3 rewrite: i mentioned this one recently. the set up is all the same up until the point of the silver reveal. after rescuing daniel, miyagi still refuses to train him for his own reasons. before she leaves, jessica mentions she met a 'karate guy' at a nearby grocery store and maybe daniel could go train with him? daniel is at his wits end and goes to check it out only to find its none other than johnny lawrence <3. johnny finds the situation hilarious at first and agrees but once he finds out how fucked the situation is hes like. okay im like. actually going to help you what the fuck is happening

classic 'the one where theyre dating in tkk1' au: self explanatory. after the beach fight johnny approaches daniel and is like hey sorry abt that. ali makes me crazy lol. wanna get ice cream? and daniels like wtf is wrong with you. but yes ok. johnny struggles with having to outwardly pick on daniel around his friends but being a complete sap with him whenever theyre alone. their friends slowly clue on and each have mixed opinions on it.

danny and marty au: mid 90s. daniel is at a bar for a batchelorette party and starts getting hit on by a dude named marty. he is at first not interested but comes around after marty offers a karate spar in the alley outside. they end up going home together. the next morning while marty is making coffee, daniel is snooping and comes across a cobra kai gi and freaks out. 'marty' is actually dutch <3 who assumed daniel was a different guy after he failed to recognise him and thought 'well its not every day you get to screw a lookalike of the dude you were obsessed with in high school'. after daniel calms down they awkwardly exchange numbers with a vague promise to catch up later. dutch immediately drunk calls him that night to call him sexy and the au goes from there

i jokingly named this one harem au and it stuck: after a sleepover and messed up game of 'would you rather' the cobra boys all realise their obsession with daniel might not be exactly 'platonic' and all start trying to seduce him in their own ways. daniel very quickly picks up on this and thinks hey fuck it why not? ali thinks daniel is insane. johnny is trans in this one just for fun <3

#type first #my aus #sorry for how long this is i was struggling to summarise them #dream au is especially massive and has all sorts of wild shit happening #there is also my familiars au but that one doesnt rlly have as much changed plot #they just all have little animal guys #thank you for asking i love all these aus so dearly

[luckykiwiii101]

Okay this is outrageously easy. The way I overcomplicated everything is ummm embarrassing but we move…

So I just really thought and took in that I don't have to put anything on a pedestal and tire myself out I should just stick to that “idc” mindset I have. I was manifesting waking up in the void since I wanted to experience it (and probably manifest my dream life through it) and I was like it's literally nothing, not that deep. Before I would affirm and vaunt many times, visualise and I’d experience that feeling of fulfilment and knowing multiple times until it felt natural. Then yesterday I basically just left it all alone since I already did everything (even when I didn't have to) so it's basically inevitable for me to get what i want, there’s no point in doing anything more now (also methods made me feel like i was struggling to “get” and i didn’t like that). Anyway last night I woke up in the void (by literally falling asleep normally) and I didn't even freak out or anything I was just like "hm okay". I affirmed that I manifest things I want extremely fast and I wake up in the void every night, after I just chilled there for a bit.

I came across this post on how to make your desires feel natural to you i forgot who it was and I honestly can’t be asked finding it but it said to think of it this way. Let’s say many people want a certain feature you have like your eye colour or hair type/texture and they really want it, they even get hella excited or happy thinking about having it. But when you actually take the time to think about that feature you don't even give much of a reaction like you don't care as much that's cus you already have it, it's always been yours. I know I'm repeating what everyone has said and that's because that's literally all there is to say honestly. So being on tumblr scavenging for answers isn't doing anything really. everyone will just repeat the same thing but phrased differently to help people understand better and some people will get mad about them repeating themselves like….. yeah..? that's basically the answer to all your questions.

You think you’re “waiting” to “get” your desires but like it’s the other way round, your desires are waiting for you to wake up and accept that they’re already yours

So it's all just crickets and tumbleweed, if you're just sitting there questioning why you, apparently, don't have your desires. Imagine your desires are just awkwardly watching you ignoring the fact that you already have them and they’re right there in front of you. They’re probably just looking to the left and right, scratching their head. it's especially awkward when you're looking at the 3D for answers when it's literally useless and doesn't do shit, it only reflects old circumstances. That can only change when you turn to yourself or the 4D for answers, and of course any method will help but then again it all comes down to you to decide if it works. If you "want" your desires don’t dismiss what it is that "gets" you them...idk how to phrase it but just start applying and persist it's honestly too easy.

Anyway enough from me, I'm finally deleting this app right after this. This was long sorry if it doesn't make sense but this is how I understood it. To summarise you're all that's left to"getting" your desires. Think of it as having a breakdown over not being able to find your glasses or hair tie but turns out you're wearing it the entire time.

Thank you Wii and all the other bloggers who take the time out of their day to help others with all of this. Take care of yourselves!!

THIS IS AMAZING!!! I’m SO proud of you!! SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY APPLIED WHAT THEY KNEW AND NOW LOOK AT THEM!! you deserve this so much honestly i’m beyond happy for you!

Also i REALLY love the way you put yourself on the pedestal by saying that your desires are waiting for YOU and not the other way round.

#void state #void #law of assumption #loa blog #loa tumblr #loassumption #loablr #manifestation #loa #loa success #void success #void success stories #void success story #void state success story #the void state

[warriorstale001]

Xtra Small Update.

As most of you following me are probably aware, I have a fic on AO3 called Xtra Small or XS is it's shortened abbreviation. I started writing it when I was VERY new to the UTMV and to writing fics in general.

It's... been a while since I updated it... In fact, today marks two years since its last update... And that is a fact I'm not proud of ^^'...

(More info and explanation about why I've been taking so long to write the next chapter below, but to summarise the main point: I have not given up on XS and plan to have another chapter out soon)

Why haven't I updated it in so long? Well there's quite a few reasons really, but the main one that kept me struggling to continue writing for so long was the fact I just didn't feel proud of my writing in that fic anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love XS and it will always be precious to me (especially kiddo Cross hehe :3), but I just couldn't help but compare myself to... Well everyone whose writing I came across, especially if they wrote babybone fics too. And when people commented on my earlier chapters in the fic I would cringe and wonder how they possibly got through them since I just kept thinking of all the 'better' fics out there.

So for a while I ignored XS and started writing other fics that I felt more proud of and that I think show how I've grown as an author, but I never planned on abandoning XS fully. Over these past 2 years I have gotten sooo many comments from people who have read the fic asking when an update is coming or just telling me that they really enjoyed the story and honestly, that's made me feel more confident in my writing. It really means a lot that despite all this time, people haven't given up that I'll continue the fic and I can't let them or myself down by just never getting around to update it. It made me slowly appreciate XS again for the fic it is. It's not perfect, but if it can bring enjoyment to a reader for even a little bit, then it makes me happy knowing 'Hey, I wrote that :3' hahs ^^

It almost took 2 years to write, but last week I finally finished writing the first draft of the next chapter of the story. It'll take time to edit, but I'm pleased to say that there will definitely be a chapter coming soon enough. Hopefully late April/beginning of May at the latest.

If you're still here two years on since I last updated, then I just want to say thanks for sticking around so long and I'm sorry for leaving you on a cliffhanger for so long. I love you guys and I really hope this next chapter will be worth it.

Thank for not giving up on me or XS!

And thanks to those who are here mainly for OSDiff for being patient too ^^!

Have a super day everyone <3!

#update #fanfic #writing #ao3 fanfic #Xtra Small #XS #Xtra Small Update #Still alive! #not gonna give up #Can't do that to the people who have been waiting all this time #have a wonderful day #You're all awesome

[papakhan]

The Great Khans have melted my brain, they're such an interesting group and I love their aesthetic! I'm low-key collecting headcanons from the fandom and my own to fit my own lore of New Vegas and I'd like to ask your opinion. How would you best describe Regis and Chance's personalities? I wonder what particularly Chance was like before Bitter Springs. As wild as Jessup, or more calm and powerful like Melissa? Was he just as quiet? I'm so sad that we'll never know (in canon, at least)

oh my god this has been in my wips for sooo long I'm so sorry. I'll do my best

Regis and Chance are some of my favourite characters and tbh do fulfil the similar kind of niche! They're both big, imposing melee-focused characters who struggle somewhat with communication and are both feared by their allies but also a lot smarter and more caring than they first appear. TBH I ADORE this trope but Regis and Chance are very very different guys at their core

Regis is more fleshed out in my mind (headcanon wise) so I'll start with him. I have said this many times but I believe in the deepest depths of my soul that Regis is autistic and some of his traits coming from that is having a very flat tone of voice and finding it difficult to control his volume. He comes across as kind of stiff or off-putting without really meaning to, also his main job is the Khan's chief law enforcer and I think he puts a lot of effort into keeping his emotions in check as to not get the better of him when making choices.

Under all that he's actually a very chill guy, very difficult to rattle or rile up. He's the matching pair to Papa Khan who can and will get emotional and fly off the handles very quickly. And none of this is to say Regis is void of emotions or totally stoic, he obviously cares for Papa and the other advisors a lot by how sweetly he talks about all of them, and is pretty sensitive to all their needs, especially Papa Khan's emotional state. Plus he gets really snarky with couriers who dismiss his advice about talking to Papa, like you can practically hear him rolling his eyes at you. i love him. To summarise I would call Regis straight-laced and sensitive. and gay

Chance, on the other hand, is almost the opposite of Regis. I don't really think Regis is a quiet guy, I think he's just choosey about what he says and who he says it to. Chance is the way he is due to trauma, which makes him withdrawn and despondent. He communicates in small ways that a lot of people tend to miss if they don't know him so well. Chance is also a very emotionally driven guy, and I think he always has been, which again puts him at opposites with Regis. Regis wants to step back and think while Chance wants to charge in. However that doesn't mean Chance is totally reckless, he's very direct and thoughtful when he needs to be, like when he carves the map of the Mojave or whenever Benny talks to him. I think the way we see him in All Roads is an exception, especially as its in the tail-end of a downward spiral that results in his suicide. I think more often he's like how he is at the start of the comic. Where he kinda flipflops between being aimless and focused, distant and direct. that's the trauma for you tho, I guess

Pre-Bittersprings ive discussed before back here and Here! since this has gotten so long already :') thanks for the ask

#txt #regis #chance

[21iskindafunny]

Can we know about your version of yugotalia? :D like personalities and stuff

OMG… a yugotalia ask… I’m flattered… here are the basic characteristics of my versions of the ExYUs

IDEMOOOO!!!!!!

(I’m sorry if any of the personalities don’t seem fleshed out enough, being honest I’m working on a lot of different stuff at once and haven’t ever properly characterised them LOL. To summarise they’re a mix of the canon crumbs of Hetadesigns that Hidekaz once gave, Tixs Ideas and [mostly] how I’ve seen each country/their citizens act.)

Serbia / RS

Obv an Asshole. He has the heart of a fighter(seen on his eye-scar which he gained from Ottoman-times), and takes loss of his precious land horribly (very greedy in that sense!). He’s hated by a lot of countries, but his main enemies in the current days are Croatia and Albania. He can be caring if he gets something worthy in return; nowadays he tries to be a little more western to get closer to that sweet sweet EU money. Huge Ego, and I mean HUGE. Shares the biggest Ego with his Enemies LOL

Croatia / HR

A more westernised asshole. He cares about how he looks, now that he’s in the EU and getting lots of tourism. He can be very charming if needed, but once he’s drunk (or high on coke) he releases his more.. careless side. Of course, he can also be ruthless on purpose, seen when interacting with Countries like Serbia and Bosnia. The "whore"-ist out of the cast.

Bosnia / BiH (I haven’t thought about making Herze honestly… this might change in the future)

Bosnia is quite the paranoid man, having arguably the most annoying neighbours in Europe. He faces a lot of struggles in life (you can guess why), which he often either drinks/smokes away. If he doesn’t turn to alcohol/cigarettes, he likes to draw triangles frantically. Of course, he’s also an asshole, but I think that’s a given for the ExYUs. He can be quite unstable at times.

Montenegro / MNE

Very lazy and tired most of the time. His sleep schedule is questionable, ranging from multiple hours to multiple weeks. When he’s not asleep, he does work on himself! He doesn’t have the success with Tourists like Croatia, which is why he doesn’t work as hard, but manages to do alright for the short hours he’s awake for.

Slovenia / SI

A greedy, but shy guy. He still holds a lot of the influence that Austria had over him long ago, wishful to be as amazing as any Central European country is in his eyes. A bit of a pushover, having been under the reign of others for long, though he is slowly working to get stronger in that sense. He’s the most western out of the ExYUs.

(North) Macedonia / MK

A happy girl, who loves nothing but dancing and drinking. Though when the illusion of optimism is broken, she can be just as much of an asshole as any other ExYU. Similarly to Bosnia, she has a ton of annoying neighbours who (when extremely drunk) claim to rule over her, which causes her to lash out. Despite all of that, she tries her best to once be in the EU (obv for monetary reasons!)

BONUS…… BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT LOLOLOL

Albania / AL

Cheerful but also a fighter! Serbias Number One Enemy right now. He can be kind, but isn’t afraid to judge anyone who gets in his way. He takes pride in what he has.

Kosova / KS

In a Rough Situation, being annoyed at the constant discourse of whom he belongs to. He’s a free spirit with a huge love for anything US-related.

Vojvodina / VD (i know she isn’t a country LOL)

A lazy princess with a slow way of taking things in life. She lives in Serbias house, with the thought of leaving it roaming her mind, yet never becoming true. She was once a good fighter.

#hetalia #yugotalia #21 talks #long ass post #ocs

[notathrowawayname]

Books and zombies

I feel the need to rant about a sidequest, so here I am screaming into the void.

I recently played Dying Light 2, because I really enjoyed the first one and killing zombies with parkour is fun. In both games you can forgive the weak story because the game really isn't about the story, it's about the gameplay. That being said, both games have entertaining sidequests. In Dying Light you meet a guy that thinks the zombie virus was started from a meteorite, which you find and bring back to him, for which he gives you the "super weapon" called the "anti-gadoid gun". It's utterly useless, like it blasts air that doesn't seem to effect anyone in any way? But the quest dialogue is fun and you get XP for doing it (as well as an oh so valuable safe house. You need those to skip the night and in Dying Light, night is so scary most players skipped the night) Again in Dying Light 2, to their credit, the writers did put in effort into sidequests (main quest is so hard to be invested in, but to summarise, you're looking for a long lost sister and your one lead is the head of the facility you were both at as kids). There's a sidequest where you have to kill a mutant zombie because an artist wants to use the pigment it develops, and there's an awful singer who's scarf you find to get her to stop sinigng (she sings anyway, absolute queen). Where am I going with this preamble? Well I wanted to make sure you guys understood that I didn't have an issue with this game's writng because it did what it needed to most of the time, which is give you a good reason to kill zombies. And for that reason, I could accept that it didn't have to be well written or interesting, just a few wacky or melodramatic lines of dialogue. And then I played the Book Club sidequest. Some background (I'm sorry I know it's long, but I want you to feel the same seething frustration I do). In Dying Light 2, you play as Aiden. Aiden is a Pilgirm, a messenger who travels from settlement to settlement in this post apocalyptic world. You've come to the city of Villadore to follow a lead on your missing sister. The city is split into three factions: Survivors, Peacekeepers and Renegades. They are, in order: not fascists, fascists, also not fascists but you only find out they have a proper settlement at the very end of the game (you can't side with them, they exist so you have someone to kill no matter which of the other two factions you side with). You get different benefits for siding with either the Survivors of Peacekeepers, but I picked Survivors because: a) fuck the fash and, b) Survivors give you trampolines. Everyone is struggling to survive because apocalypse, but it certainly looks like the fascists have the best/most resources, like living in the beached warship and having armour. A bunch of the Survivors have superstitions about the old world, because that was what made everything go to shit. There's stuff like how one doctor hides their scientific preparation of remedies as voodoo, just so that people are more likely to take the medicine. So when you first arrive at the warship, home of the fash, it feels more like the old world. And on this warship, you can find a library. This library is inhabited by two people, cooky old man Albert and sexy librarian Thalia. You know what isn't in this library? Books, at least not as many as there should be. Albert and Thalia want to preserve the knowledge and wisdom of the old world by finding rare/important books. Thing is, the world went to shit a long time ago, so there aren't many books in good condition left. Even worse, those that are in good condition are in dangerous locations, too dangerous for Albert or Thalia, and the Peacekeepers won't lend them any soldiers to go and get them (fucking fash). But you, being the _super cool badass_ that you are, can go where they can't, and retrieve the books to keep human knowledge safe.

At first I thought "neat", and left it at that. The game has a few little details that suggest reading is on the decline, eg. there's a note you find written by a mother looking for a keyboard complete with all the keys to teach her kids the letters. So you go to dangerous place, kill zombies, get books, and bring them back.

Here's where it gets interesting.

The books aren't just items you pick up, each one is named. You find books by Kafka and Orwell, even poetry compliations. And every time you bring them back to the library, you talk to Thalia who expresses her opinion on them, and then asks "what do you think?" And like, the options for the responses are actually thought out? Also, Aiden has read them??? This guy that spends every waking moment rummaging through bins and killing zombies and doing sick parkour moves is better read than I or most of the people I know are? And the things he says reveal part of his character?? Like I played through the entire game and I swear to god no moment told me more about Aiden as a character than these conversations, even when the decision of which of the two responses he has are up to you.

You do this ten times, each with different books and different conversations, different reasons why the location is dangerous. One time you encounter Renegades who've heard "there's treasure in the safe", when really there's an early edition copy of Treasure Island in the safe. The whole sidequest colours this world with the idea that illiteracy is rampant and it's actively making this world a worse place, and that the librarians are doing what little they can to change that. It's so clear that the devs cared about this sidequest, because it's the only one with it's own special cutscene, and as far as I can tell Thalia is the only character in the game you can romance.

And would you like to know how this sidequest changes the main quest?

In a game of "never have I ever" Aiden drinks because he's had sex since coming to the city.

That's it

Like you literally bring the Communist Manifesto back to librarians living under a fascist regime and nothing happens. No censorship subplot, no change in behaviour, nothing. Back to business as usual, head out there and kill zombies.

It's one thing when you never expect anything from the writing. It's another thing to see everything they've done could build to something good, and doesn't. I feel like I've been narratively blue-balled.

Anyway I planned out a spite-fic because of it. I might write it out at some point

#dying light 2 #dying light fanfiction #aiden caldwell #spite fuels me #spite is a great motivator #missed opportunity

[anauro]

hi roc!! i finally have the time and emotional capacity to type my very long "Thoughts" re: dass into your ask box :) i sent you the previous ask right after finishing my reread and i kid you not -- life immediately dipped right after. sooooo, here i am. a few days late :[[ -------------- 1) Regulus as a doctor. Okay, OKAY. I cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you've written regulus as a doctor. Dass!Regulus -- through representation -- provides such an honest insight into some of the pits of most healthcare systems. I've never gotten to see the depth in his characterization as a doctor until MY sister started having trouble with hers. There is one flaw to regulus as a doctor that i think shines: The way he falls back on textbook knowledge when it comes to james. It's such a good and well thought out flaw. He likens, the hit of nicotine from a cig to that of what james usually takes -- or at least thinks they're somewhat comparable. And james finds this amusing. He refuses to acknowledge the doctor in charge of the clinic concerning James' dental visit. He falls back to what he knows as hard facts through what he's learned in med school, thinking it simply is the most logical approach, when simple, rigid, textbook knowledge often lack/s important insight. what happens? james ends up in pain much, much, faster than he should've had. when james was clearly struggling with withdrawal, the way regulus simply offered anti-sickness medicine and paracetamol to james just. felt. so. off. detached? and i know, in that particular scene, it may also have something to do with his and james' early relational distance. but, it does, very much tie into the fact that regulus, even with all his medical knowledge, has much to understand regarding james' needs and current condition. he thinks the science is "sciencing" but it's not. the thing is, regulus isn't stupid! gosh he's so far from that. and you've continuously established reg's prodigal skills. aside from him being a junior anaesthetist, dass!regulus simply mirrors today's reality. we see doctors as great scholars. surrounded by all that knowledge, sometimes it's hard for them to see how what they know, isn't always enough. they're not all-knowing. and for the science to science -- you need insight and empathy. otherwise, there can be observational gaps. for doctors, it's a tight line they have to walk between asserting their professional knowledge and, well, taking into account a patient's unique needs. when they lean far too much on the former it's the patient who suffers.

i think, the way you've taken the time to write regulus out this way is so... very cool of you. i wish i could've noticed much sooner. P.S. this ask was supposed to have more than one item but -- hehe i've made this one wayyyyyy too long!! sorry T^T i do believe that i have to send this one out first ~

Hiya!

Omg, thank you so much for popping back!! 🫶🏼 I do hope life picked up again now 🤞🏼

This answer turned out to be a bit long so I’m gonna put it under the cut and content warn it as addiction talk and inequalities in healthcare (also pls do not reblog)

So yeah, doctor Regulus and addict James really can be summarised as “science isn’t sciencing”. You’re right, Regulus is smart and not just smart enough to be a doctor, but one of the smartest in his hospital (I think it’s Marlene who mentions it that he’s the youngest to pass the exams and anaesthetics is known for having the hardest exams) and yet James puts him in his place really easily.

Regulus tries to break down James’ problems into biteable chunks and fails to realise that’s not how James experiences it. He doesn’t want anything for the nausea or the pain or the insomnia, and part of it is cause he genuinely doesn’t want to bother Regulus and doesn’t think he deserves help with these, but also that’s not what bothers James the most. He’s not gonna go and take drugs cause he’s vomiting, he’s gonna do it cause he can’t cope with the Harry situation, his parents, his crush on Regulus…. And Regulus’ sole reaction to it is “everybody has problems. Go to therapy.” Which is probably very reasonable and kind of what James needed to hear, but also does highlight Regulus’ lack of understanding of how people who struggle with addiction process things and deal with problems.

And James remarks on how Regulus already treats him better than doctors at the hospital did, whilst at the same time Regulus chastises himself for not being understanding enough. And as Regulus’ feelings towards James develops, he starts to compartmentalise James into his and addict, failing yet again to realise these two are the same person. Which. As you may have predicted, will cause issues further down the line as James can’t hide the addict side of himself deep enough.

But the overarching theme of doctors and other healthcare workers in all healthcare systems lacking to distinguish textbook knowledge from what’s in front of them is a huge topic and a sad one. It doesn’t affect just addiction, but also ethnic minorities, people with disabilities (ask any diabetic how easy it was to do their insulin whilst in a hospital and you’ll know) and members of the LGBT community, especially trans people. Ranging from basic nomenclature issues (only having F or M as gender or font on paperwork being too small or otherwise inaccessible for disabilities) to blunt oppression (not respecting pronouns, asking questions not related to current health needs).

I understand there’s only so much that can be taught at universities (or else the courses would be 10 years long lol) and just the pure clinical knowledge is heaps to learn, but I think that’s a poor excuse for not teaching healthcare workers basic empathy and understanding of challenges they might face whilst looking after patients outside of the “white, rich, able bodied and cishet” population.

Anyway, its a topic I could talk on forever and I don’t think anyone would be particularly interested, but the bottom line is: healthcare workers are amazing and brilliant people, but they need to constantly educate themselves on topics that are not pure science, but yet are inseparable part of their jobs. And the healthcare system should encourage that, both by providing resources as well giving time off to learn all those things and reward those who do. Needing to go to a hospital is stressful enough without having to worry about being, bluntly put, disrespected.

#roc answers #dass #drugs and surgical scrubs #tw addiction #tw drugs #tw transphobia #tw ableism #tw healthcare #do not reblog  #please

[dxmedstudent]

Hi dx- I don't know when you will see this but I have my OSCE resit in 3 days. I am feeling deflated and burnt out, and believe my performance last week was affected by a lot of nerves. I panicked, stumbled and messed up. These are my finals and so I basically need to know everything and anything but now that I've failed, my imposter syndrome has really kicked in and I just know I'll be even more nervous. Do you have any tips directly for the OSCE itself... How do I remain calm when I'm there. What do I say to myself. It doesn't hellp that the patient's and examiners always seem so deadpan.

Hey, I'm so sorry that your first exam didn't go well. Nerves are real, they can be an absolute nightmare, and they don't define who you are, or how good you are. In an exam like this, it's very easy for us to stumble a bit and for our minds to go blank. This doesn't make you a bad clinician, and lots of people fail an exam or two! You have every right to be there, and you have EVERY right to pass the exam. You're not an imposter, you're just another student who doesn't love exams - and many people who have struggled and passed felt exactly the same as you. Probably most of the doctors you've shadowed or even admired have been in your shoes and felt the same. I know that I have! I don't know if it's happened yet, I check my messages reasonably often, but time is weird. On the chance that you see this before your exams, I'd say this:

Take your time. Take a moment to breathe before you do anything. Take a moment to read the brief, and then read it again. Before you speak, take a moment to gather your thoughts. If you are stuck in the middle of something, it's OK to simply say that you need a second, and then move on. It's fine to say "OK, let me just take a second to make sure I haven't missed anything". And then take that minute. Or to summarise what you've done/learned so far. You don't' get marked down for repeating something twice, you get marked down for forgetting it altogether. I hate that examiners seem so deadpan, too. But they ARE human, underneath that. They've all likely been there themselves! Just remember that they've had a long day, they are probably tired, and if they seem a bit bored, it really isn't you! There's nothing you could do to make the process thrilling for them - you just need to make it easy for them to tick things off their sheet.

Good luck! I hope that you give it your best shot, and I hope you can believe in yourself. I know medblr will be rooting for you!

#askdx

[an-non-y-mouse]

Overanalysing Stories Because That’s What I Enjoy Doing, Part 1: Nevin Jovel and Chris Jackson are a match made in hell. (IBVS)

(Minor warning for mentions of ab*se and some rough language)

I know what you’re thinking and no, this has nothing to do with my personal IBVS ships. This is merely my opinion based on the logistics of relationships.

Now, at first Nevin and Chris seem to have a lot in common. They both come from abusive households, they both have a love of memes, they both have a younger brother they feel they need to protect and they both do so by lying and being evasive towards them. However, this is where their similarities end. There is a particular difference between the two that I think is one of the main reasons a relationship between them wouldn't work out, and that's how they respond to living in a bad home environment.

Nevin responded to his abuse by seemingly embodying the qualities demonstrated to him as a child, whether he intended it or not. He is rude, unaffectionate to those close to him, controlling, belittling, manipulative and is implied to have anger issues. He latches on to Chris and tries to ensure that Chris is completely reliant on him. He forces Chris to experiment with his powers and belittles and manipulates him by telling him that he knows he enjoys it (using his empathy to intrude on Chris’ feelings). Perhaps I’m supposed to feel sorry for Nevin, seeing as we know he experienced abuse at the hands of his step mother, but because that is literally all the information we have (we don't know the severity of the abuse, we don't know anything the step mom said or did e.c.t) and we're this far into the story, I've stopped caring. With so little information, we can't tell if he's learnt to manipulate people from his step mom (although I assume he has) or whether he's just an asshole who justifies his shitty behaviour by painting himself as the victim.

As an example, Drew was able to tell Isaac was upset that Chris had run off with Nevin by just being in Isaac's vicinity for 2 minutes, yet Nevin had multiple interactions with Isaac and just went "Wow, he really struggles socially and I just ran off with his only friend. I don't care!"!

Before this turns into 101 reasons why I hate Nevin Jovel, I'm going to move on to Chris.

Chris dealt with his abuse by becoming complaisant and a people pleaser. He's rarely shown to argue with anyone or do anything that displeases another character. This makes him a prime target for Nevin's manipulation because he just does as he's told no matter how badly Nevin treats him. We can understand why this is, however, because we have been shown that Xavier is liable to get vioient with Chris. Since we know the exact extent of the abuse, it's easier to sympathise and relate to this character.

It's sort of my belief that Nevin learned manipulative behaviour from his step mother, but because he despises her, he refuses to admit these flaws because it makes him seem similar to her. Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, since we have no confirmation of this, or really any other information regarding his past, we can’t understand him as a character and can only watch on as he emotionally drains everyone around him.

To summarise my point before this gets too long; Nevin is not a nice or understandable character and is shown to manipulate Chris, who does nothing to fight back due to his personality and trauma. The more time they spend around each other, the worse it becomes and thus they would be ill suited for a relationship. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk, hope you enjoyed.

-Mouse/Charlie/Basement Gremlin/Whatever else you want to call me

IBVS by OneBizzareKai

#ibvs #isaac beamer versus the supernatural #nevin jovel #drew jovel #chris jackson #Isaac Beamer #Rant #story analysis #Nevin x Chris

[galactic-pirates]

🪄 and 🤲 for the fic writer's asks please!

what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

I’m not so good at any of this 😂 I’m much better at moving the goal posts. Like I’ll say “finish X” but then once I have there’s another story, another task etc. I never feel like I have done enough, or done it quickly enough, or done it well enough. And that’s just doing the task. Sharing the thing… so much anxiety.

Obviously I make what I make because I personally like it, so I’m the target audience. I can’t say I always enjoy the process because it is often a struggle, a crisis of confidence as I never feel good enough, but I want it to exist. I also hope that it brings somebody joy. For all that I don’t share my work for the attention I am only human and after I post I desperately want some kind of recognition. Screaming into the void is lonely. I worked hard. I want somebody to see that, I guess I just want someone to care. Which is needy probably and not very healthy because it depends on other people.

So to summarise I don’t really deal with this very well at all.

what do YOU get out of writing?

A poison nightmare?

Sorry that’s a little snarky and also more than a little negative. I can’t do so many things. I am a depressed, anxious mess. Writing is simultaneously my hope for a future, and so much pain and fear. I am terrified I can’t do it and I will never be good enough, I will never get to where I need to be. I have lots of ideas and I want to see them realised. I would like to share them with the world. But are they actually any good? Even if the ideas are, will my skill ever be at a level where I can do them justice?

I once said that if I couldn’t write, then I was less than nothing because writing was the only thing I had left. It was my one chance to make a future for myself. But honestly as time goes by the hope gets chipped away and I have no faith left.

Obviously this is written with original work in mind because all of this mess in my head ^^ is why I quit fanfic. I was using fanfic as a crutch. Telling myself that so long as I was doing something, that was better than nothing, but really I was avoiding. Hiding. Not to say that fanfic didn’t bring me joy because of course it did. But it took a hell of a lot of time and effort and as short on spoons as I am, I knew I wasn’t spending them wisely.

Writing is hope, it is dreams, it is life. So what do I get out of writing? Mostly fear, so so much fear, with a side order of self-hate. I want it too much and everytime I fail, it gets harder to conjure up the self-faith to persist and try again.

#I answer things #Sam talks writing #not the answer you wanted I am sure but I am always honest #tw negative #tw depressing stuff

[bernkastel-ao3]

How do you feel about ambiguous open-ended conclusions to stories?

Sorry about taking so long to reply.

It depends on the story would be the initial answer. To try and expand on that, it depends on how that affects what happened in the story and what a reader/viewer)player will be left with. To use the two works I saw someone else you asked this to use, Metal Gear Solid 2 and Danganronpa V3 end in a way where you can potentially look at everything that happened and go "Was that all unreal even in the setting?". But they also both try to give the person playing them a message that they hope will allow the reader to still feel like the experience had meaning, with MGS2 having Snake talking about the value of what people in experience, like through what could be called fiction in some way, and in passing that to others, while DRV3 talks about fiction having meaning and power, regardless of how fake or not it might be.

To add another game, Nier Automata ends in a way where it's outright stated that all the tragedy that occured through the game could end up repeating, regardless of your efforts for the final ending. But it's a work that clearly feels that struggling to carry on and to hope for something better in spite of no reason really to do so has meaning.

In contrast to those, there's one game I played last year that had a trick in regards to how the story is presented, which turns into the reality of that setting being dismantled at the end. But for me, it doesn't feel like I'm given anything from that, in terms of story impact or conveying something. I see the twist, what results from that, and go "That's neat, them pulling this off. It meant nothing to me, but I guess I can appreciate it". A way to show what I mean would be, imagine if a show had a superbly animated moment that was given a ton of attention and clearly meant to be super important, but had no meaning for anything that's going on.

That's what badly done ambiguity feels like for me. It's there, but I don't feel anything from it. Or I'll be thinking "There's was this build up and it's for something this flat or empty?"

I guess this can be summarised like this. For me, did I come out of the work feeling like I was really impacted by what the work was trying to convey, emotionally? If a work does that, I might love that ambiguous open ending and treasure it. If I come out of a work not feeling like that or just like I can appreciate the ambiguity or whatever intellectually, any enthusiasm will likely fade to me adopting stance of "That was all neat, but I feel nothing from thinking about it".

[vollmond-laboratory]

The Enigmatic Tale of the Flowers and the Moon — Part 2

[Location: Street, Day]

Young Man: “Lord Faust. It’s been a while. You’ve come down from the mountain.”

He had the same black wings on his back as Faust.

Faust: “Oh, it’s you. What are you working as now, a cargo carrier?”

Young Man: “More or less, yes… By the way, who is…?”

The young man’s gaze turned toward me shyly. His narrowed red eyes seemed full of intrigue.

He didn’t appear alarmed so much as he did surprised, like he was seeing something strange for the first time.

Faust: “This is Lennox. He’s a friendly tengu who lives here in Ōun-gai.”

Faust: “I’m sure he’ll do a much better job of taking care of you than I could.”

The man named Lennox gave me a polite nod in greeting. I gave him a similar bob in return.

Standing beside Lennox like this made it clear just how tall he really was. I ended up having to crane my neck back just to look up at him.

Compared to Faust, Lennox is obviously much larger and stouter. Even tengus that seem similar at first glance have their own differences.

Still, I could tell that they had the same sort of quiet demeanour as each other.

Faust: “Anyway, this here is…”

Faust faltered as he tried to find a way to introduce me. Quickly giving up, he looked back at Lennox, exasperated.

Faust: “Frankly, I have no idea who they are. All I know is that they’re alone. According to them, they’ve lost their memory. And now they’re your problem.”

Faust: “Just for the record, I’m never coming back to this town or mountain ever again. I’m sorry for giving you so much trouble, but the rest is in your hands.”

Having said everything he wanted to say without letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, Faust turned to try and walk away from us both briskly.

Akira: “Eh?! Wait a second…!”

Luckily, Lennox’s long arm was able to reach out and grab Faust far faster than I could have caught up with him.

Lennox: “I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask this of me without giving me a proper explanation first.”

Faust: “…”

Trying to shake himself free was impossible – Lennox’s grip on Faust’s arm remained firm, standing immovably still and silent over him.

It seemed less like they were struggling to communicate with each other and more like they were having an entirely silent conversation through gestures alone.

I couldn’t help but get the feeling that they’d known each other a long time, especially considering how Lennox referred to him so respectfully as ‘Lord’ earlier.

Lennox: “…”

Faust: “…”

Eventually, Faust gave in.

Faust: “…I accidentally blew one of the castle dragons off the mountain earlier.”

After hearing Faust speak as if he’d committed some unspeakable crime, I watched as Lennox rolled his eyes lightly.

Akira: “U-Um! What happened was more like, Faust saved me while passing by, because the dragon was trying to attack me…”

Faust: “Regardless of the reason, there’s no denying that I’ve likely angered the dragons with my involvement. It’s very unlikely I’m going to get away with it scot-free.”

Faust: “If you carry on associating yourselves with me, you’ll probably get caught up in whatever revenge they decide to enact. This is likely the last time I’ll ever be able to talk with you like this. It’d be better for me to hide away on some distant mountain somewhere for a while.”

Having finally heard the full story, Lennox’s face suddenly clouded over with seriousness.

Lennox: “One of the castle dragons… It’s definitely not the best situation to be in…”

Akira: “Is it really that bad…?”

Lennox: “Ah, that’s right, you’ve lost your memory. Allow me to summarise things quickly for you.”

Going out of his way to help someone who knew nothing about this world, Lennox calmly explained some of the details about the town and its yōkai to me.

Lennox: “There are many different kinds of yōkai who live around Ōun-gai, and each of them all have their own individual temperaments. Some are mild-mannered and kind, while others can be fierce and occasionally rude.”

Lennox: “There are even some so terrifying that they’ll gladly cannibalise their fellow yōkai and use them to make themselves more powerful…”

Akira: “Cannibalise…?! Are there any yōkai like that near here…?”

Lennox: “Yes, there’s a family of yōkai like that called oni living in a nearby town. But there’s none here in Ōun-gai, so it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever run into them.”

Faust: “…”

Once, Lennox told me, he was almost eaten by an oni when he was much younger and weaker than he is now. They’re said to be quite a violent and dangerous species.

Lennox: “But above all else, it’s vital to always be mindful of the dragons while living here. They are among some of the most powerful yōkai alive.”

Lennox: “Do you see that castle?”

I followed Lennox’s gaze as he turned to look up at something in the distance.

A beautiful castle stood tall there, surrounded by more cherry blossoms than I could possibly count. It seemed to be located right in the centre of town.

Despite how imposing the gate inside the grounds looked, its white, powdered-like walls had a regal and elegant appearance.

The towering keep was especially magnificent, overlooking the town with its many turrets. The entire castle was so vast that even from far away, its immense power and authority here became impossible to ignore.

Lennox: “That castle is where the main body of the great cherry blossom tree resides. Since that tree is the very heart of the town itself, only a select few dragons are allowed to live inside.”

Akira: “Only a select few…?”

Lennox: “The dragons that live within the castle are especially long-lived, and they all have incredibly strong magic powers, which they use to protect the great cherry blossom and Ōun-gai itself from any outside invaders.”

Lennox: “Naturally, that means they have a great deal of influence here. Ōun-gai’s yōkai rely on the dragons, but they also fear their power.”

Lennox: “If you go against their word, you’re likely to be expelled from the town itself.”

Akira: “I see…”

Even among all the various kinds of yōkai that I’d already seen living here, the dragons seemed to hold a particularly high position of power. Maintaining the law within Ōun-gai by acting as its overseers.

Akira: (Which means…)

Faust, through the simple act of having saved my life earlier, had made himself into an enemy of some of the most powerful people in this town.

Akira: (That must be why he looked so uncomfortable helping me earlier…)

Having finally understood the severity of the situation, I felt myself break out into a cold sweat. Because of me, Faust was now caught up in the middle of a huge mess.

Akira: “Faust, I’m so sorry… I’ve caused you so much trouble…”

At my pale-faced apology Faust turned away, looking uncomfortable.

Faust: “It’s not like I did it for your sake. At the time I just happened to really dislike that one particular dragon.”

Lennox: “…I understand now what’s going on.”

Nodding his head gravely, Lennox then looked straight at Faust.

Lennox: “Despite that, I cannot accept the idea that this might be goodbye. I would miss you terribly if I never got to see you again.”

Lennox: “And besides, the fact that this person here was attacked by one of the dragons is also concerning. I can’t think of any reason as to why the dragons would hold a grudge, so there must be something we still don’t know…”

I was in a panic when that dragon suddenly attacked me earlier. Everything had happened so fast, and all I could remember now was the instinctive fear I’d felt in the moment.

Akira: “Did I do something wrong…?”

Faust: “Well, it’s not like there was any time to ask questions. I’m pretty sure I blew it right off the mountain.”

Lennox: “As expected of you, Lord Faust.”

Faust: “You don’t need to sound so impressed…”

Faust looked towards the castle with a little sigh.

Faust: “With no way to know what they’re thinking, we may want to consider taking Akira directly to them…”

Lennox: “Akira?”

Akira: “Oh, that’s my name. For some reason, that’s the only thing I can seem to remember right now…”

Lennox: “Ah, I see. Lord Akira. I will refer to you as such from now on.”

Every time I heard them say my name, it left me with a strangely familiar yet nostalgic feeling – like having someone tap me gently on the shoulder.

But why did I feel that way about people I’d only just met?

Where is this place I’ve abandoned myself in?

Faust: “We can consider going to the castle later, I suppose… I think what’s most important to figure out right now is who you are.”

Faust nodded slightly, having guessed what it was I’d been thinking about.

Faust: “And if that’s the case, we’d better go and pay him a visit.”

Akira: “Him?”

Just as I was going to ask who Faust was talking about, Lennox suddenly looked up with a start. Three shadows were flying above us in the sky.

Faust: “Dragons. It’d be bad if they spotted us.”

Hurriedly we ran into a nearby alleyway and hid ourselves in the shadows.

☾❀☽

[Location: Sky, Day]

White: “How did you fare? Are you able to find them?”

Figaro: “Not sure yet, I’m afraid.”

Oz: “White. Where has Snow gone in the midst of this emergency?”

White: “My poor Snow has been put out of commission by a wayward gust of wind, I’m afraid. He shan’t be joining us again for a while.”

White: “I shall be sure to keep you updated if there are any developments, however.”

Figaro: “Still, It’ll end up being troublesome for us if we take too long to deal with this.”

White: “Indeed, we must hurry and deal with our uninvited guest. The seeds of calamity must be swiftly nipped in the bud.”

Oz: “I will not allow them to roam free for much longer. As soon as they are found, I will take care of them.”

White: “Do be careful. You have something of a tendency to be impetuous, after all.”

Oz: “…”

White: “Come now. ‘Tis rude to refuse to answer me.”

White: “…Putting the matter aside for now, let us split into three groups and continue our search as such.”

White: “Oz. Figaro. I am counting on you both. Let us keep each other informed if anything new occurs.”

Figaro: “Got it.”

Oz: “Understood.”

The three shadows suddenly scattered in different directions.

—

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#the enigmatic tale of the flowers and the moon #mhyktl #mahoyaku tl #mhyk tl

[asitrita]

Hello there! I'm sorry for the random ask but I've been wondering: what got you interested in Spanish history?

I love your blog! It's very informative and it's always nice to hear historical events featuring Spain from a Spanish perspective :)

-Cheers!

Long answer because I just can't summarise even if my life depended on it.

First of, this was very nice of you. And I'm sorry I took a few days to answer. Thank you so much for your ask and sorry for the testament you're going to read next XD

Just to give a short version (long answer below), it was basically thanks to my History teacher at the conservatory, an English teacher (both him and the subject XD), and I must confess Hetalia also played a small but significant part in my liking for history.

--------o--------

In all honestly it was a process. I think it was actually my professor of "History and Evolution of Music" who first sparked the flame. Though his purpose was to teach us about the evolution of music since ancient times up to jazz and blues, focussing mostly on Medieval, Renaissance and Classical works, he would throw in pieces of historical information in his explanations. Mostly about the wars and battles Spain had against England. The ones we won, obviously (so most of them u.u lol). He used to talk very dirty about the English hahahaha But he actually had an English (boy)friend, who of course was also a musician and played the lute, and he invited him over one day and they would have discussions about composition none of us were actually able to follow XD. But I think what sparked my interest for history was the day he brought an actual cannon ball to classroom. After telling yet one of the many battles Spain took part in, he started complaining about how little did Spanish people knew about Spain's history, and even looked down on it. He rambled about how young generations knew nothing at all (as if he wasn't in his 30's and was already and old man lol) due to Hollywood and films portraying everything the wrong way, mocking the way everything in the big screen was about explosions and fire everywhere. So yeah, next week he came to class with an actual cannon ball and made a very graphic (and maybe unnecessary gory) description of all the possible wounds it could inflict to the person it hit, and all the damages it could do to a ship.

Then came Hetalia. Actually, yet again, it was really Spuk, but long story short, Hetalia did "brought to life" my interest in history which for a couple years had muted down.

And what finally made me love history (more precisely Spanish history, but I do find history in general interesting) was actually a teacher I had in England, in one of these immersive summer courses in which you go to a foreign country to live with a host family for a number of weeks, you have intensive English lessons in the morning and activities in the afternoon. This teacher had been living in Spain for 7 years in the late 80's and early 90's and he knew much more about Spain than I did. I was the only Spaniard in my class, the rest of the students were all Germans,Swish and Italians, so i guess I stood out a little bit more because he was familiar with my country. Thing is, he would mention stuff I didn't know about my own country. Usually in a positive light. And he actually told me off a couple of times I complained about my country's doings (for example, I was once explaining how foreign languages in Spain are not taught well and that's why we struggle with English). He disagreed and he actually was so convincing in his arguments (no, we did not have a shitty education system, teachers were not bad, nor were we lazy nor bad students, problem was somewhere else) that I actually changed my mind completely. Now, quite a few years later, I am still convinced he was actually right and I was just repeating the same things I heard adults around me say without really analysing the matter objectively. To sum it up, he thought of my country better than I did, not because I intended to think bad of it, I just had a lot of prejudices. And he also knew a whole lot more about Spain than I did, and I sometimes almost felt embarrassed by this fact. He spoke so nice of certain aspects of Spain's society and history and I could do nothing but nod and say "if you say so it must be right" cause I had no idea about it nor had ever even thought of it in the way he did. I think he was the reason I started getting more interested in Spanish history in particular. Yes, I previously had an interest a bit more focused on Spain because it was my country, but I wouldn't really actively research anything but in some very scarce occasions.

To be perfectly honest, I was always good at history. I've always liked legends, cultural stuff, myths, heroic epics, etc. Sure, history is more complex, but chivalric tales are a nice start XD I always had a soft spot for foreign cultures and always tried to link the dots. I have French family, and there's always a bit of bickering over historical and cultural stuff, so when I learned about the age of 5 about the Roman Empire I was all "oh, so French were Roman like us?" and had a Roman phase, so to speak. Thing is, though I showed a liking for historish and culturish stuff in general, I never liked history lessons. My grades in History in primary and secondary school were 10/10, but I hated the subject itself XD. I think I had to get out of school and have some non-school exposure and approach to history to actually learn to appreciate it.

#asks

[daedalmirage]

purple hyacinth ♥ marigold ♥ r.e: well

Usually Marigold liked to say that she had a very good sense of reading people and situations.

Granted in meeting some people in their cohort that belief had been tested and shaken and stirred somewhat, but it was still something she held as a core belief about herself. Sure, she definitely wasn't psychic, but situational and personal awareness - how to flex and work with something, considering how others might - could get you a long way too.

Unfortunately if it came to it, Marigold had had no idea how the group at large would react to any kind of admittance of having part of their very motive written up and around her arms. 

(Well. There were guesses to be had for one or two.)

She tries to keep herself her neutral as the surface tension post her admission breaks, though fails near immediately; as she moves her gaze from the professional exchange with Franz to Bella's miraculously filled again seat, one of Marigold's cheeks pinching as she bites the inside of her cheek to stop her expression getting too pained in another direction. Charles pulls her attention too, frown deepening as she struggles with the phone before appearing to ultimately do nothing- briefly raised to meet Inkyo's unplaceable look with that alarmed pain stifled again.

And then, well, Gawain and Ray's communication she'd never pretend to be able to understand. That was their thing, she had her own.

(Did she maybe expect more uproar rather than this quiet tension? Is that why it's settling so oddly under her skin? She's been a little too far from the manufactured, overdramatised reactions for some time now, so it's odd to expect.)

(Though maybe that scene of loud hands-over-mouth gasps and explosive reactions is all she ever can fall into?)

(She's tired.)

Though she has to offer Gawain something- voice softening ever so slightly in the best she can do for reassurance at this distance.

"...It doesn't hurt. I mean, yeah, I hope ink poisoning from markers isn't a thing like they always went on about in school, but I just... didn't wanna risk any of this stuff peeking out. That's why I've not been moving much."

Indeed it seems like with her jacket off there's a whole new range of motion available to Marigold, combing a hand through her hair and rolling her shoulders a couple of times.

As ever though, Tezuka has a whole neat batch of questions ready to go, and Marigold tilts her head towards him in a nod of acceptance. But first she ticks off one thing, looking to Franz and managing half of a wry smile.

"Aw, sorry, you guys don't have to worry. I didn't exactly think I would have the time to take everyone's secret hostage or something while I was there. I only read the one with the Mark information in it."

Speaking of.

"But okay, fine, you want a story?"

With her jacket now a mess in her lap and lacking its sleeves to keep ensuring those black bars were covered, Marigold opts to trace circles back and forth on the table instead; words carefully laid out one in front of the other, but with that same projection of announcement.

"...When Misery gave us that motive, the only thing I was thinking about was finding a way to get that information about this stupid mark. Cause Kei's right- even if I've always thought we're gonna find a cure here, I still wanna take anything we can get from Laplace. Ideally without anyone having to die, you know? I know I've been banging on this whole time about avoiding loopholes and stuff, but I just... I've been going nuts all week just trying to figure out the rules for this thing, cause it felt like Misery left a lot open."

(It's a flippant statement- but how is she meant to summarise a week of placing blocks between herself and others to avoid dragging them into less savory actions, curled up in bed wishing she could fall back asleep rather than churn through that whole introduction piece by piece again, the burst of adrenaline she'd felt thinking she had something that had only brought them here?)

She runs one hand down her face.

"And yeah, like I said already, I figured I had something good enough? So I got some break-in stuff together - you know, hammer, gloves, whatever - and went for it. That sleep drink was something I'd thought about really early on, so I offered to take Inkyo other drinks during the week so she wouldn't suspect tampering too much, annnnnnd its that easy."

It sounds like something that should have been drawn out with relish. But it was very matter of fact.

"So that's Inkyo out for the count, I break open the case, do all that stuff I just described about reading the mark stuff, buuuuut then the privacy thing goes off. And I don't wanna leave those secrets so easily open for anyone to grab while Inkyo's still out, so... so I stayed in the bookstore."

A deep breath.

"...And I did run into Nina. I dunno what she was doing there, if someone had chased her in or if she was running off or whatever, but... but she startled me really badly cause it was super dark there, so- so I ended up hitting her."

(Another sound that can't be forgotten easily.)

"Though I- I don't think I did anything fatal, I just hit her in the side and fought with her a bit, you know? I got out of there as soon as she- as soon as I could get her off me, if she was dying already, I- I didn't-"

Her voice breaks once, twice.

"Ugh, none of this was meant to happen! I was just gonna get the cure, apologise to Inkyo when she woke up, then tell you guys and we'd have something to actually work with! And now someone's dead, and I can't tell you the killer because I don't know, but like hell you're gonna believe that. It may as well actually be me, cause... cause I'm always just the bad guy, right? That's like my whole thing, may as well just... may as well just let you guys extend it to murder too."

#daedal mirage #ch3 #ch3 trial #marigold

[obviouslyinvisible]

okay, seriously asking. I can't really understand the hype behind Mitski. I think the kind of music it is just isn't something that attaches to me because there are other artists I prefer who do it similarly but not effectively for me. Everyone regards her as this God but I can't see it. Maybe it's too drone-y for me? I'd love to hear the perspective from someone who enjoys her. I just want to understand

completely fair question! and thank you for asking , i'm not entirely sure how to word my answer so this is just my personal experience with her music and of course to each their own if she's not your thing i completely get that and would love some reccomendations! /gen.

I think the main catching point for me with Mitski is the variety of work she produces. She gets bottled down into the "Sad girl" genre a lot because some of her most popular or trending songs are about topics like loneliness or yearning but her work is so much more than just that it covers a lot of topics surrounding her own life and upraising feelings of being outcast or "otherness" because of her race. ( which is something i cannot directly relate to but alot of fans can relate to some form of feeling other and thus relate to her message) . Some of her most recent work really getting into the feelings of being stuck in the grind of working yourself to death for what praise you can get and like you mentioned being idolized because at the end of the day she isn't a god shes's a human being (and y'know para-social relationships and such please remember musicians are people at the end of the day).

I think i really like specific songs that I can belt along with like its a vent just to sing along like the tracks "I Will" (the song mentioned in the post i think you saw) and "Drunk walk home" and sometimes i think just finding lyrics that can resonate with a certain experience or struggle you have experienced can be comforting even if you cant 100% relate to them.

On the being drone-y front i can see how you could feel that way it might be that i kind of jump between albums so don't find the tracks too similar or drone-y? but there are definitely a few tracks that feel the same because alot of her music is slow and not melancholy but calm i geuss? .

my sort of go to's for a variety of songs from each album is :

From "Lush" : Liquid smooth , Abbey and Pearl Diver

From "Retired from sad, New Career in Business" : Goodbye my danish sweetheart , Strawberry blond and Class of 2013 (another track to yell with )

From "Bury me at make-out creek": (ones mentioned above in the belt along bit)

From "Puberty 2": Happy ,Your best american girl, Crack Baby

From "Be a the cowboy": Pink in the night (just really love the synths on this one , that and ive seen like fifty edits using it lmao) , A pearl (love the drums and the animated music video is sick for this one) and geyser.

AND finally Laurel hell the most recent album which got rudely belitted for not being "Sad girl" music anymore which was massively annoying because artists are allowed to change their styles and topics, entitled fans think their fav artists should stay the same always. Anyway rant over i'd reccomend the whole album but my recs from Laurel hell are : the already mentioned "Working for the knife" ,The only heartbreaker (for again some fun drum/synths) and Should've been me (the little error sound at the start is so stuck in my head).

sorry this turned into a super long post and sort of a rec list but to summarise , i love a good track to belt along to when i'm mad or sad and Mitski covers a large variety of said topics you might be upset about or be able to relate to in beautiful ways. That and i adore the sort of layered effects most of her songs have of mixing drums ,synth , guitar etc and the most recent album having more interesting smaller sounds added in like the error sound at the start of Should've been me etc.

Mitski while a popular artist is a human being and shouldn't be placed on some a high pedastal / people need to remember shes a person aswell not a god.

Again sorry if this explanation didn't help and if anyone sees this post and wants to add their experience with Mitski's music go ahead and thank you again for asking that question so genuinely /gen.

#i added tone tags because this is a genuine response #it is half past midnight though and i am half awake so i apologise if this does not make sense #essentially im a sad lass who loves some sad music OH! and i also like to use the tracks on angsty playlists for ocs probs should have #mentioned that damn too late #anywho anon my buddy ty for asking and if you have recs with songs slash artists you love please send them my way i love new music : D

[simsadventures]

Gilded: Chapter 1: To Bride or Not to Bride

Mob! Steve x Reader

Summary: Your life is a mess and you need a little help from time to time. But, when somebody proposes a plan to rid you of all your problems all the way to the far future, you’re suddenly not so sure it is worth it. Especially since the plan is proposed to you by the most notorious gangster America has seen since Al Capone: Steve fucking Rogers. 

Warnings: mafia AU, swearing (like, a lot this time), angst, struggles with money, loan-shark, sleazy men, harassing

Word Count: 7969

A/N: It’s finally here! It only took me around 6 months to bring it, and I apologise for the delay, but I hope I will make up for it with introductory this chapter :) Share your thoughts, let me know what you thought and what do you think will happen next :) xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist 

“Just, wait a second,” you said, your brows knitting together as you tried to piece together all the information the man in front of you had just given you. He was gorgeous, there was no question about that, but that wasn’t the issue here. There were many gorgeous people in New York, and you didn’t marry any of them. Yet, that was. 

“You want to marry me. But you still haven’t told me why, so?” You asked for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, and the man just smirked again, playing with his cuffs, never answering to your satisfaction. 

“I told you, honey, what I want, I get, and I decided that I wanted you, so, what is going to be? Are you gonna be a good girl for me or am I gonna have to force you, hm?” He smiled sweetly, but even you knew better. Behind that oh-very-sweet smile, there was venom and a ton of it. You rubbed your temples and plopped down on the nice-looking couch, thinking about what he was proposing. 

2 weeks ago

“Coming!” You yelled through the loud music at the guests seated by the table number 5 where a group of guys was seated, hollering at you every two seconds as if you didn’t hear them the first time. You rolled your eyes at your colleague, who just laughed under her breath as you strode towards the clients. You put on your best fake smile as you approached them, and from the whistles, you assumed they appreciated it. 

“Thank God you came, sweets. We thought you were getting tired of us,” the loudest of them laughed, and the group followed his suit, making your clench your jaw even more. Oh, how you hated this type of men, who had nothing better to do than calling a woman pet-names, making her feel uncomfortable just so his friends could have a laugh and a story to tell. 

“What can I get you, gentleman? Another round of the same?” You asked as sweetly as you could, but it was getting harder by the second as they all eyed you like a piece of raw meat, ready to be devoured. 

“I mean, that would be nice, and could you serve us a piece of that sweet ass of course as well? We’d really appreciate it, pretty face,” the loud guy smirked sleazily, and you fought the urge to vomit in your face. One of the guys made the mistake of actually making a move to swat you across your butt, but your reflexes were quicker. 

You took a step back and breathed in, trying to calm your beating heart. This was, however, nothing new in your line of work, and you just learned to ignore it, or, at best, politely turn them down. Because, as you learned very early on, the manager didn’t appreciate if his “girls” were nasty to his customers. He almost made it sound like you were to provide your bodies with the beers, but you told him straightforwardly that that wouldn’t happen, and if his pub was one of these, you wanted to have nothing to do with it. All you were there to do was to work the evening and night shift to get some extra money on top of your regular job, and that was it. He even made a few remarks how he wanted you all to himself, but you politely declined every time and just tried to ignore it altogether.

“This ass is not for sale, I’m sorry, boys. But, the vodka shots are coming right up,” you tried to give them your best wink but didn’t wait long enough to see if they accepted their loss or not. You genuinely didn’t care. 

The night continued in a similar manner, some people being inappropriate and you just ignoring their behaviour, and some people actually nice, even leaving you a few tips which always made you smile. You were beat when it was 11, and your shift ended, and you were thrilled today wasn’t one of those days when you had to stay there till 4 AM. It was then that people got really disgusting and you even had to resolve to hit a guy this one time because otherwise, you were pretty sure he’d manage to rape you. You sighed at the memory as you continued on your way home, just now remembering you left the tips meant for you in your locker.

Sighing you turned around and walked back towards the bar, and when you were in, you noticed three men in black suits talking to your coworker, who looked stunned and scared at the same time. You cocked a brow at her, and she discreetly shook her head, telling you that you shouldn’t come nearer. 

This time, you really frowned and looked around, but the rest of the pub looked exactly the way you left it, even with the assholes by the fifth table. But you listened to her and took a step back to one of the dark corners, watching what was going on by the bar. It didn’t take long, definitely not longer than 5 minutes before the men turned around and left the building. 

Your coworker looked positively alarmed by now, and you almost ran to her to ask what the fuck did just happen. 

“I have no idea, Y/N. I noticed them by table 10 like an hour ago, but I didn’t pay them any attention because that was Christy’s sector tonight and I had the veranda. And when you left they just came here asking about you,” she breathed out, and it was your turn to look alarmed. 

“The fuck? Why would they ask about me when it was Christy who took care of them?” You screeched, your brain not really comprehending the situation. 

“I have no fucking idea, Y/N. But, like, they asked your name and stuff, and like, if you were a regular waitress here or what. I didn’t want to tell them anything, I swear, but they didn’t take no for an answer. So I just told them your first name, I wouldn’t budge on your last, I promise, and told them that you sometimes worked here but that I didn’t know when was your next shift,” she finished, a little scared of your reaction now, but from the look of those guys, you knew they were bad news and that Anja did the best she could.

“Nah, it’s ok, An. I would do the same. I’m really grateful that you didn’t give them my last name, though, that was really thoughtful of you,” you smiled at her, and it obviously put her at ease as she hugged and hurried back to the veranda, where you both saw a few guests waving that they needed a refill. 

The hell did just happen, and why would three mysterious men ask about you? 

It couldn’t be that they found out, right? No… you made sure all the traces were hidden, forever, so, that wasn’t an option. 

No, you told yourself, there must be another reason for them to ask about you. But you didn’t want to find out. It was a one-time thing, these men were just confused, or one of them liked you or something like that, and you would never see them again. This actually calmed you down enough to start functioning again, and you remembered that you came for something specific, took the money and went straight home. 

“This can’t be happening,” you muttered as you looked over your bills. There was so much to pay and so little money on your account that you actually started to sweat. You worked two jobs and still wasn’t able to afford to live a life where you didn’t have to worry about money. What was more, with the high taxes, your rent, subway card and food you went into red numbers, and that was something you definitely didn’t want. Nobody told you that as an Arts Major, you could still be struggling to stay alive in the city of New York. 

You went over the bills again even though you knew your math was correct and that you didn’t have enough to pay your landlord this month. 

Fuck, you muttered again and considered your options. You could ask your friends, but you didn’t want to bother them since you knew they were struggling as much as you were. You shared your apartment with two of your best friends who you considered a family by now, Caroline and Aidan. And while you knew they would do anything to help you, neither of their jobs paid enough to be able to help you as much as you needed this month. 

Your other option was asking your landlord to give you some more time before more money arrived, but just imagining the conversation gave you goosebumps because you could picture the kind of service he’d want from you, and you’d literally rather go and beg on the street than to sleep with that middle-aged pig. 

So, as you summarised it, the only option remained the loan shark. Tony was actually a nice guy, once you got to know him, and he was nice to you because you always paid precisely what he told you to when he told you to, and never asked too many questions or begged for more time. You were smarter than that, and, besides, you’ve seen too many movies with loan sharks to know what could happen to you. 

The first time you went to him was probably 2 years ago, straight from university when you still thought you could make it big in New York. Well, safe to say that you didn’t make it, and while you remained hopeful, you had bigger problems than becoming a renown painter, like not starving to death and other fun stuff like that. 

You were awfully scared to go to Tony, he had a reputation of being kind of an ass, but people also said that, compared to the other guys in the business, he actually had the fairest demands, and as you had no other choice, you just went to him. And because life was a bitch, you ended up going there on more occasions. Tony was kind enough always to lend even small amounts of money because you really didn’t need 100K. No, you always need like 1 or 2 thousand, and while the other loan sharks turned people like you down, Tony didn’t, and he never wanted more than like 400$ as a return, which seemed quite fair as the other guys always wanted 100% or more. 

Well, Tony, it was, as you sighed looking around your room, thinking how you even got where you were. But there was no time to waste pitying yourself, and so you shot Tony a quick message, as you always did, and to no surprise, he was very quick to respond that you should come by later that afternoon. 

You were just getting ready when Aidan burst through your door. He stopped mid-step, looking at you confusedly because you didn’t tell him you were going somewhere. 

“Got a date or what? You never go out on Saturday afternoon, not if you can help it,” he said sceptically, looking around the room as his eyes landed on the fumbled papers on your table, and the look of realisation hit him. 

“You going to Tony again? Y/N, we told you, we can help you, babe! Let us help just this once, please?” He pleaded with you even though he knew it was useless. 

“C’mon, babe, you know you and Caroline are not making much either, and you’re both glad to get by another month. Tony is like an old friend by now, really. I don’t mind it that much, and it’s definitely a better option than burying you two with me under this pile of shit,” you huffed as you finished applying mascara, but you didn’t even check yourself in the mirror, really not caring that much how you looked. You went to Manhattan just to meet Tony and would go straight back, quick mission, in and out. 

“You need to find a better job, Y/N,” Aidan smirked at you, and you just laughed because you both knew it was pretty much impossible, especially since you loved your day job with the only issue that it paid like shit. 

“You know this is my chance to be close to art and I really want it. I mean, it could happen that they promote me from being a receptionist to like, I dunno, being a secretary to one of the curators of the gallery, right?” 

He just huffed and kissed the top of your head, striding towards the door. It was only then that you noticed he was dressed to go out as well. 

“And where are you going, mister?” You asked with a mother-like tone, and he just laughed, turning around as if he was caught in the act. 

“So, you remember John?” He asked, sitting on your bed, and you actually laughed out loud at him. 

“Which one? I mean, there has been so many Johns and Peters that I swear to God I’m starting to think there are only men called John and Peter in the whole fucking New York. So, more info, babe, please,” you scooted to him and listened to which John it actually was he was meeting and was pretty excited about this. This was John the Ballet dancer, and he looked really nice, so far. 

John the Fake Mobster was a lying bastard, John the Hairdresser wanted Aidan for just that one thing but would never admit it, and then you didn’t even have John-the for the guys because they were all just idiots who didn’t see your best friend for what he was: an amazing, although a little extra person with a very good heart, great sense of humour and amazing hair. 

“Alright, well, you know the drill. Keep your phone on data so we can use Find your Friend if needed, keep your eyes open for anything sketchy going on, but, most importantly, enjoy yourself, babe. I’ll see you tonight,” you hugged him tightly and walked out of the apartment and into the busy streets. 

If it were all up to you, you’d live in a secluded place, somewhere in the north probably, like outside Seattle, where you’d have a lovely little house, maybe by a river or by the ocean or something, where you’d have enough inspiration for your art and where you wouldn’t be annoyed by the little things, like the car horns blaring all the way to the night, people shouting underneath your bedroom’s window, and little things like that. 

But life was not a factory for fulfilled wishes, and you had to endure another day trying to make it in New York. You thought about all of this as you walked down the street to where you knew you could find Tony. You weren’t happy that you had to go to him, again, but you also knew that you didn’t need to worry anymore. You would have the money for your landlord by the end of the week, and when the gallery paid you, you would pay Tony back. Again. 

“If it isn’t my favourite girl!” You heard a familiar voice hollering from the shop, and you laughed lightly as you walked into the pawnshop Tony had set up in the lower Manhattan. 

“Hello to you too, Tony. Today a yellow day, or what?” You greeted him as you looked at his outfit, which was just a canary yellow tracksuit and a matching hat. He looked like a character from a bad movie, but you knew better than to say anything like that. 

“Yellow is very classy and trendy, thank you very much! Yesterday I wore this really nice green velvet tracksuit, and you should have seen some ladies walking by, they almost ate me with their eyes! I swear!” He added as he saw you stifling a laugh, but you just nodded in fake understanding, and both of you shared a relaxed laugh. 

“So, what can I do for you today, sweetheart?” He drawled, and you shuffled on the spot, always feeling slightly uncomfortable when it came to this part. 

“I need a thousand this week. Ton. I’ve been working my ass off, but the bills keep building up, and every time I think I’m out of it and I can live normally, there is always something holding me back,” you sighed, scratching your arms which was a nervous habit of yours that Tony grew quite fond of. 

He was almost sorry for saying the next thing, but this was way above his pay grade, and while he really did take some liking to you, and he would always give you enough time to pay him off, he knew who he couldn’t piss off. 

“Listen, Y/N, I have a proposal for you,” Tony started, and you frowned, not really knowing where this was going, but from the look on Tony’s face, you could tell it was nothing good. 

“There is somebody who would like to get to know you, and he has a proposal for you that he believes you can’t refuse. I don’t know any specifics, I just know he is willing to pay you a lot of money, and I’m talking thousands and thousands, Y/N. He said that nothing sexual would be involved because I told him that if he was looking for a one night stand, you weren’t his girl, but he assured me that this wasn’t it. He would like to meet with you and tell you all the details if you let him. And before you say no, Y/N, think about it. All you gotta do now is to meet him and listen to him, and he is one of those guys who don’t take no for an answer,” Tony finished, and while you saw it pained him to give you the message, you were too stunned to care. 

“What the hell are you talking about, Tony? Is this some kind of a sick joke? Like, did this guy tell you he wanted to talk to me specifically or just a girl desperate enough to come here?” You blurted, still not getting what he was about. 

“He asked for you, sweetie. I don’t know how, but he knew you’d come and told me when you did to give you the message and give you his address. Which is here,” he said, handing you a piece of paper with an address and a date with the time written on it, “and he told me that if you came and agreed to his plan, you wouldn’t have to worry about money this week or any other week. It could be your chance, Y/N. Look, the guy is extremely powerful, so, please, just go and meet him, and you’ll see, ok?” He was scared, and it made you scoff out loud. 

Great, so a loan shark was giving you a message to meet some mysterious, powerful asshole who wouldn’t take no for an answer and who probably stalked you as he knew you would be coming to Tony sooner or later. Just great, really. 

“It seems I don’t really have a choice, do I? Sheesh, Tony, at least tell me who this guy is and like how scared I should be. You gotta give me something because I can’t just go to some random house and be totally ok with it. Nobody can’t expect me to do so,” you pointed out, and Tony nodded in understanding. 

“Totally, yeah. I even asked if I should come with you, but I was told you should be alone. You should be alert, let’s put it that way. If I were you, I’d really think before I speak, because this guy doesn’t take anything lightly. And I think it would be best if you didn’t know his name, Y/N. Just… he doesn’t want to hurt you, all he wants to do is speak to you, so please, just do it,” Tony finished just as some customer came into the shop. 

You waited patiently because the conversation was far from over, but you knew better than to start shit in front of some stranger. Tony was evidently scared shitless of the guy, and it only fuelled your already growing anxiety. Tony was determined not to share too much information with you, but you didn’t understand why. Why could you not at least know the guy’s name? Who could it be? 

Your brain took a detour to a few nights ago back at the pub where you saw the men asking about you, and a cold sweat broke on your skin. It must have been connected, there was no doubt in your mind about that, and it filled you with so much dread you actually had to catch your right hand with your left to stop yourself from shaking violently. 

The doorbell rang signalling the customer left, and your eyes gazed at Tony, who was already staring at you apologetically. 

“And what about the money, Tony? It’s Saturday, and I need to pay my rent by Friday next week. Nice of the guy, whoever the fuck he is, that he wants to see me, but he won’t if I’m on a fucking street next weekend,” you seethed, and Tony was quick to walk around the counter behind which he was standing this whole time and walked closer to you. 

“He wants to see you on Wednesday, Y/N, and he specifically told me not to lend you any money, that he would take care of it. Whatever the fuck it means.”

“The fuck? I don’t even know his fucking name, and he will stop me from getting money to survive? What the actual hell, Tony? You can’t be serious right now,” you cried out in utter desperation because none of this was supposed to happen. You were supposed to come, chat a little with the goatee man, get the money and walk back home, where you’d watch some stupid TV show and drink shitty wine. 

But no, of all the people living in New York this shit must be happening to you. As you didn’t have enough on your fucking plate as was, some mysterious fucker had to be interested in you for whatever reason, and he wouldn’t let you live without talking to him first. 

“Can’t you just call him and tell him that I want to have nothing to do with him?” You asked when you felt calm enough to talk again. You didn’t even know whether you were scared or desperate or angry, but at best, you were feeling a mix of all these and some more, that was for sure. 

“No can do, sweetie, but I promise it will be alright, ok? You’re a strong one, I know that and whatever he wants from you, you can either give or can talk to him,” Tony smiled sweetly, and while you knew he was full of bullshit you let it slide because you just didn’t have it in you to fight with him when he was clearly just the messenger. Whoever wanted to speak to you, however, he would hear it from you because where were we that a guy just asks for a girl and the whole of New York delivers her to him on a silver platter?

Wednesday 

“You gotta be kidding me, Y/N. Are you seriously considering going there? For all you know it might be some elaborate trap and somebody’s gonna jump you and kill you in some dark alley,” Caroline screeched at you as she saw you getting ready after you came home from work. 

You had to ask for a night off from the pub since mister nobody wanted to meet you on your night of work. But you knew you couldn’t say no. Whoever it was, Tony was afraid of him, and Tony was a tough guy. And not that you wouldn’t be brave, but your bravery was mostly concentrated on being able to throw a spider out of the apartment or walk the corridor with the lights out, not really crossing some powerful guy who could do God-knows-what to you if you didn’t come. 

“C’mon, guys. You know I gotta do it. And I honestly think if they wanted to kill me, they would have already done it,” you muttered, trying to pick something to wear, that wasn’t too revealing, but you also didn’t want to go wherever you were going in a pair of baggy sweatpants you were currently rocking. 

“But like, what if they want to make a personal slave out of you, huh? Like, cuff you to a ceiling and serve them with your body, like a personal kind of slave, you know what I mean? You were not made to be strapped to a ceiling, babe,” Aidan panicked, and you actually had to laugh. 

“Your imagination never ceases to astonish me, Aid. Or are you speaking from personal experience?” You smirked as both you and Caroline laughed out loud at Aidan’s expression of utter disgust. 

“You two are disgusting, and I hate you, but that doesn’t change the fact you still don’t know where the fuck you’re going,” Aidan countered and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“I’ll keep my data on so you can see me this whole time, and if I don’t call you by 9 PM you can send the cops there, deal?” 

They both nodded in agreement, knowing this was the best they were getting. You were glad you had them in your life and that you had people caring enough to try and stop you from doing something stupid, but something in your told you that your life would be even worse if you didn’t go. At least this way you’d know the whole story, and you would be able to make an educated decision based on all the variables. 

“A’ight, but if anything sketchy happens, you run, ok? We can figure out the money, but we can’t figure out shit if you’re not here with us,” Caroline reminded you, and you nodded solemnly. 

God, you just hoped you weren’t making a mistake by listening to Tony. He even shot you a message in the afternoon, reminding you to go there because if you didn’t, it could end up badly for both of you. And it was actually one of the decisive arguments in the whole thing, surprisingly. You didn’t want anything happening to Tony, especially not because of you and your decisions, and so you just told yourself to suck it and prepared for the evening. 

You really couldn’t afford the cab, so you had to leave super early to be at the given address at precisely 7 PM. You also grabbed the book you were currently reading, Kim Stanley Robinson’s New York 2140, so that the ride to Manhattan wouldn’t be as dull and dreadful. You could think of the utopian future he depicts rather than thinking of your journey to the lion’s den, and that was the most promising image you created in your head about the place where you were headed. 

Not that you didn’t try to find the place on Google maps, but all the buildings on the address looked the same, and, actually, quite nice, so you had no idea what you were getting yourself into. 

Meanwhile, Tony texted you again since you didn’t reply to his previous text, and this time you took the time to craft a message telling him that yes, you were indeed headed to the manor and he didn’t need to worry about his own neck because you wouldn’t let others be hurt because of your incompetence or your cowardice. 

You knew you were getting off on Chambers St station and you actually took the time to think how many people living in Tribeca had to take the subway. The answer was, very obviously, zero, as the majority of the people in the subway were either passing or were clothed in a way you knew they worked in either one of the restaurants there or as a help. And you felt like one of them, because you too didn’t live in the wealthiest village in New York, and you too were going there mainly for business. Well, at least you hope you did. 

Checking every house number when you got to the street you were supposed to meet the mysterious guy at, you tried to find where exactly was the bat cave, and when you saw the number 112, you knew you found it. 

Your breath came in ragged huffs as you tried to gather the last remnants of your bravery as you walked up the stairs and buzzed on the door. Your head was spinning lightly, and you actually had to lean against the wall beside you to regain your composure. 

The door soon revealed a massive man dressed in a black turtleneck and a pair of black jeans, and you were actually quite surprised not to see him with sunglasses and an earpiece. If the situation weren’t so tense, you’d probably joke about it, but as it was, you just followed his lead as he beckoned you inside. 

“Miss Y/L/N, I presume? I need to see your phone and your belongings, ma’am,” he stated, and you raised a brow at him. 

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a standard procedure, ma’am. Everybody here to see the boss needs to be checked, just in case,” he stated, leaving no room for discussion, and while you sighed exasperatedly, you still handed him your bag and made a point by fishing out the phone and shoving it in his outstretched hand. He took a quick look through your belongings, pushing it against what you assumed was some kind of a metal detector before he pulled out another device. This looked like a big phone, and he scanned your bag once again. 

“What is that?” You asked, unable to stop your curiosity. 

“Checking if you’re not bugged,” he answered matter-of-factly as he continued before he put the device down, clearly not finding anything. Where would you even get a bug, and why would you do it? You rolled your eyes inwardly but kept a straight face in front of the man, just in case he was watching. Which he was, as you found out by him waving in front of your face and showing you to follow him. 

You braced yourself for whatever was awaiting upstairs and obediently walked behind him. 

As you walked through the house, you got the impression that whoever lived there was wealthy, but that kind that didn’t really put on a flashy show. There were no chandeliers, no heavy curtains and stuff you pretty much imagined this place would look like and that image had nothing to do with the Beast and the Beauty dance room, nothing at all. 

But this was… modest. Everything was very contemporary, some prominent brick here and there with mostly grey floors and the furniture was most definitely customary but, again, it was plain yet luxurious. You assumed that’s how the really rich people lived. They knew they had the money, and the people around them knew it as well, so there was no need for diamond stairs and a golden toilet. 

A few names surged from memory as you heard your coworkers discuss the wealthy New Yorkers, but you didn’t want to assume anything before you actually saw the person, so you just walked by the halls before the man stopped in front one of the rooms and quietly knocked. 

It was not surprising when another man dressed exactly like the guy leading you appeared from the room and took a quick look at you before he said something to whoever was behind him. When the affirmative came that you could indeed go in there, they shoved the door open and what you assumed was a living room appeared in front of you. It corresponded with the whole house, but your attention was caught by one specific thing. Your brain had its own world, and when you saw one of Tunji Adeniyi-Jones’s paintings from his last year’s exhibit, you almost fainted. He was your favourite contemporary artist. And seeing his work outside of the gallery was practically an otherworldly feeling. You gaped at the beautiful play of colours, and your heart swooned at the perfection of the brush strokes. 

“Ehm,” you heard somebody cough beside you, and it startled you so much you actually jumped to the side, your hand flying to your chest in a feeble attempt to will your heart to stay calm. 

You took the intruder in and found out that unlike every other man in the room (and there were a few, as you noticed) this guy wasn’t wearing all-black attire. He was in a comfortable-looking creme sweater and a pair of dark blue jeans, everything fitting him as if the clothes were sawn to his body. 

Which, as far as you could tell, was the body of a Greek God. 

“See something you like, honey?” The man interrupted thoughts, and it just crossed your mind that he was really rude, not letting you breathe even for a second before he had to make his presence known. 

“Yes, actually. I’m quite a big fan of the artist whose painting you have there, so I admired that. And you are?” You trailed at the end, signalling that while he was very handsome, you had no idea who he was and why it was that you needed to come to him this evening. 

“Straight to business, huh? I like that. I’m quite surprised Tony didn’t tell you who I was. Was he scared you wouldn’t have come if you knew?” He didn’t wait for your answer, however. “Well, honey, I’m Steve Rogers, and I am very pleased to meet you,” he smirked at your stomach dropped. 

Steve Rogers? That Steve Rogers? It wasn’t possible. 

“You gotta be kidding me,” you muttered as you scratched your arms nervously. 

“Oh no, on the contrary. I’m all too real, Miss Y/L/N, and from the looks of it, I’m glad Tony didn’t tell you, you look like you might faint. Are you feeling alright?” He asked like the smug asshole he was, and you just turned away from him, taking a deep breath before you finally turned back around to face him with a pokerface. 

“I’m alright, thank you. So now, can I know what it is you want from me so much you stalked me and made me come here, pretty much by force?” 

He scoffed but showed you to follow him to the sofa. When you didn’t budge, he simply took you by your elbow and pretty much shoved you down to the plump sofa. 

“Force, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I simply asked you to come visit me, is it so wrong? But yes, you are right, we should talk about why I invited you here. You see, Y/N, I’m in need of a wife, and after long calculations, I came to the conclusion you would be perfect for the job,” he said straightforwardly, and it was now that you felt like you’d faint. 

“Marry me? Are you fucking insane?” You couldn’t hold it in any longer. Form the pissed off expression on his face, you could see it was not the right move, but he couldn’t expect any other reaction, really. 

“Easy, honey or I might have to use the said force to shut that smart mouth of yours,” Steve mumbled dangerously, and you swallowed harshly. 

“Right, you’re a notorious mobster, and I’m literally nobody, and if you killed me, nobody would miss me. Good, now that’s out of the table, why do you want to marry me? And what does it mean you are in need of a wife? I mean… you are notorious for dating a different girl every week, can’t you just marry one of them if you’re in such a great hurry?” 

“No, honey, I can’t. All you need to know right now is my proposal. So, here it is. You will marry me, we will stay married for a year and then get a divorce. You will have everything every girl ever wanted: loads of clothes, all the time in the world to do whatever the fuck you want, you won’t have to work, and I will pay for everything and more. You will live here so you won’t have to worry about your rent money, and I will also pay your student loan, on top of which you will be paid 20.000$ every month for playing your role. And when the year is over, you will walk away rich, without any debts slowing you down and you will be able to do anything you want. How does that sound?” 

“It sounds like it’s not a proposal but a directive,” you smiled sweetly and stood up, pacing the room and scratching your hands like crazy. This was not happening, no, no, no!

You needed the money, you really did, and getting rid of the debt from your student loan that would have been sweet too, but at what price? On the other hand, you thought, how bad could it be to just be somebody’s wife for a year? He did make it sound pretty easy. 

“What would be expected of me?” 

“Well, you would go with me to every event and pretty much listen to everything I say,” he shrugged as if it was the most natural thing to say to another human being. 

“Like, you’d ask me to spread my legs for you here, and I would do it?” You asked, suddenly very angry that the man just assumed what kind of a person you were. You were desperate, but not that desperate. 

“Oh, no, honey. That is one of the reasons why I chose you: I’m not attracted to you, so no, I wouldn’t ask you for any sexual favours. We could even put that to our contract if you’d feel better, but, really, you have nothing to worry from me,” he again said with ease, and you didn’t know if you were glad he just told you this or really pissed and ashamed.

Not that you thought you were some kind of a beauty, far from it, but he also didn’t have to be so upfront about it. And now you understood it even less why the hell he chose you.

“Just, wait a second,” you said, your brows knitting together as you tried to piece together all the information the man in front of you had just given you. He was gorgeous, there was no question about that, but that wasn’t the issue here. There were many gorgeous people in New York, and you didn’t marry any of them. Yet, that was. 

“You want to marry me. But you still haven’t told me why, so?” You asked for like the hundredth time that evening, and the man just smirked again, playing with his cuffs, never answering to your satisfaction. 

“Honey, what I want, I get, and I decided that I wanted you, so, what is going to be? Are you gonna be a good girl for me or am I gonna have to force you, hm?” He smiled sweetly, but even you knew better. Behind that oh-very-sweet smile, there was venom and a ton of it. You rubbed your temples and plopped down on the nice-looking couch, thinking about what he was proposing.

“Then why choosing me if you don’t find me attractive? Not that it’s an issue, I’m just really trying to understand the situation here,” you said, totally ignoring the threat in his voice as you needed some much valuable answers. 

“Right, well, first of all, as I already mentioned, what I want, I get, honey, and you should always remember that. Secondly, it was your ability to keep a straight face, even though I can see the ability is not endless. I need somebody who will be sickly sweet to both my friends and enemies alike, who won’t mind a few sleazy comments from the old fuckers, and who will look like an obedient wife. I need somebody who will blend in and who will look trustworthy, and not like she was to stay only for a week. And when I saw you in that pub where you used to work, I could see you had what it took to be in this life, even if only for a year,” he finished, and you were glad you were right at least about the guy, Steve, also sending the people to sniff around your workplace. But then it hit you. 

“Where I used to work? I still work there,” you said dumbfounded, and Steve chuckled humorously. 

“Oh no, you don’t. You see, I need my wife free all the time and I need her here with me. Look, Y/N, this is getting tiring, and I really need an answer now. What is it gonna be, huh?”

“Like I even have a choice. You just said you would use force if I said no, so, what am I supposed to say, huh? I don’t want to get married, but I don’t have any money and your snoopy ass is getting in the way of my life, and you ended one of my jobs, and before you say you terminated my contract in the gallery, please think about it again. That job is very important to me, it has always been my dream to be in a gallery surrounded by beautiful art, and, by chance, having my art there as well. 

I don’t know Steve, your offer is very generous, it really is, but I don’t think I’m the right one,” you sighed finally and looked around the room, ignoring the boring looks from Steve. Then you saw the clock and you almost panicked, it was two minutes before 9. 

“Oh my God, I need to call my friends, or they’re gonna call the cops,” you said quickly already dialling Caroline’s number. You told her you were fine and that no, you weren’t a personal slave yet, but that you’d tell them everything when you got home. When the call ended, the venom was back in Steve’s eyes. 

“If you think you can talk to people about anything I have just said, you are terribly wrong, doll,” he seethed, and you were taken aback, but you didn’t want him to think he intimidated you.

“Well, if you think I’m not gonna tell my family about this, then it’s you who is terribly wrong, Steve. We tell each other everything, and if I considered this proposal of yours, it would mean Aidan and Caroline would know about this, at least that I’m marrying you for more than my undying love for you,” you spat back, and Steve saw the determination in your eyes. He knew he had to compromise with you, even if only a little bit. 

He already found out everything about you, he knew your whole life, your past, everything his people could find on the internet. And what he got from the search was that you and the people you lived with were extremely close. He considered getting rid of them but realised it would only push you away from what he needed from you. And he needed a wife ASAP. 

The mafia was still very conservative, and as he was the only boss without a constant woman by his side, he was sometimes excluded from important meetings that happened on “family retreats.” And he needed all the info there was if he wanted to be the best of the best. Or, the worst of the worst, if we were being literal. 

“Fine, but they will need to sign a contract saying that they will keep their mouths shut,” Steve smiled back, and you nodded, your head already spinning. 

Were you really considering it? But was there any other option? You needed the money, and it would’ve be great if you didn’t have to care about your student loan for the rest of your life. You would see the world, just like you wanted, you would have time for your art, and you would be free after only a year. That didn’t sound that bad. Sure, you’d be affiliated with a known mafia boss, but that was nothing you couldn’t handle. But there was still a question Steve didn’t answer. 

“What about my job at the gallery? If you made them fire me and I’m gonna find out tomorrow, I can’t even begin to consider this. I want that job, I want to work at that gallery, Steve.” 

“Fucking hell, I could buy you the gallery if you agreed!” He shouted, exasperated that it was taking so long. He really didn’t get it. He was proposing a life in luxury, and he knew that the majority of women in New York would be more than happy to be seen by his side. But you? You had to be difficult and even demand stuff. Fucking hell…

“But whatever, you wanna work there, fine. Whatever, I don’t give a fuck. Do we have a deal or not? I have better things to do with my evening than just bargain with you, honey,” he accentuated the pet name that you already hated.

Well, this wasn’t how you imagined your proposal to go. Not that you were too keen on the whole idea of a marriage, but still, a girl could dream. Yet, here you were, actually considering getting tied up with a mobster for a year just because he offered you enough money and a life that you felt like could be interesting, if only for a year and with a man who blatantly told you he wasn’t interested in you in that way. This was the only reason you didn’t feel as dirty as you expected because you knew he would never touch you and never want you to do something sexual against your will. 

You were used to lying through your teeth ever since you were little, your parents made sure you knew how important it was to keep your secret, and dangerous life wasn’t something you only heard of on TV. All this made the decision slightly easier, as you finally made up your mind. 

“Fine, but we still have a lot to talk about, Mr Rogers,” you set your jaw and outstretched your hand to shake on it with him. 

“Whatever, Mrs Rogers. Consider your rent paid and I’ll see you on Friday when we discuss our matter in greater detail. Now, if you excuse me,” he kissed the top of your hand and walked away. 

Well, this would be fun, you told yourself as you watched the man you would soon call your husband walk away from you, and contemplated whether you made the right choice. But your life wasn’t great as was, as much as you tried to fill it with laughter and happiness, and, in a sense, Steve offered you an out, even if only for a little bit. 

Here was to nothing, you hollered at yourself in your mind and followed one of the turtleneck-guys out of the manor and into the chilly air of evening New York.

/ Next Chapter >

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