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levisgirll · 3 years

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oki it me again uWu back with another request because I really enjoyed the first one!!!💗💗 couldn't find the exact words to phrase this but what about aomine (from Kuroko no basuke) as your boyfriend in university. I look forward to what you will write!!

𝐀𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

text: hello again!! thank you so much for reading my posts and the fact that you like them makes me happy c: 💗💗 I'm glad you enjoyed the other request so, I hope you enjoy this! (also, aomine is my second fav in knb ^^ he's just so attractive oml-)

synopsis: aomine daki, the great basketballer player at your university is your boyfriend! how is it like to have aomine as your boyfriend though? and how does he act with you? (get ready for this-)

Once Aomine is your boyfriend, get ready cause this guy will show off and flex a lot when it comes to you. Whenever you stay and watch his practices, he flexes a lot with his back muscle and he would turn around if YOU saw that. You are just sitting there, all blushed while covering your face, "Oh god, this idiot..."

Sometimes, the basketball club would invite student for 'Learning the basics of Basketball' and the first person he wants to invite is, of course, his girlfriend. While he is waiting for her, he would just sit in the bench and lots of people go to him for help, but he would ignore everyone and say he is tired and to leave him alone. But once he sees you, y/n, entering he is all energetic and comes running to you. "Aomine, let me change wait" , "But darling, I was waiting for like 10 minutes...you have to make up for that."

Once everyone leaves and its just you two, he gets all hyped up cause he loves it when you are alone with him. He gets extra clingy towards you and keeps on hugging you and you can feel his tensed muscular body. "Sweetheart, you looked amazing today."

Okay but this guy, would fuck up and beat any guy that even showed any sort of disrespect. He is not standing there with a glare or bumping into them if someone laughs, or says something mean to you. He will go up to that person and hold them up while saying "Okay, you started this. Come here." You have to stop him before he gets physical towards them, "Aomine! Stop!! They just said to me to move". "Yea, 'Move you', what the fuck is that? Asshole, learn some manners! Do you know who you even spoke to!"

This guy is smart, so he knows all your university spots, so don't be surprised if you see him out of nowhere. "Hey its that guy! He is always following you!" Kagami would yell out, "Fuck, you have some stalker Y/N" Kagami would say while glaring at him, he was your university best friend. "That's my b-boyfriend."

Your man will also buy you a lot of snacks, and if you say you skipped breakfast. He is dragging you to the university café and will force you to eat after he buys you food.

Oh my god, your boyfriend loves to tease you A LOT. Like there wont be a day he wont tease you. If you somehow changed up your hairstyle, he will make a huge scene. "No WAY! Sweetheart, you look so good! Wow, that's my GIRL! You all heard that??!"

Aomine makes you laugh like crazy, and there also wont be a day he wont make you laugh. He just loves it whenever he hears your beautiful laugh and small giggles, he founds it so cute and you really warm his heart whenever he hears that.

He will never forgive himself if he ever made you upset or cry. Aomine will probably think about it the whole day and he will keep spamming you "I'm sorry" multiple times. If you don't reply back, he would come to your lecture hall and he is gonna make a scene. "Y/N I SAID IM SORRY!"

You definitely boost his ego, like crazy. Whenever he feels low before a match he would call you and he just wants to hear his girlfriends voice motivating him. "Aomine, don't worry you got this! Besides, didn't you tell me the only one who can beat you...is you?" "Fuck, you are right. Darling, I'm gonna win this and I'll come and hug u after this match. Wait for 20 minutes" And he actually does it.

This guy sticks with his words, so if you tell him meet up at 2 pm. He is there at 2pm waiting for you. If he says he will do literally anything for you, he fucking will.

Once he got, really upset and emotional and he said to you during a call at midnight. "Y/N, Dont leave me like how everyone does.". You then recalled about him telling you about this past and how his old teammates left him, so you would say "I wont, I'm your girlfriend aren't I?" And he is up on his bed all hyped hearing that, "Can I see you now!" "Aomine it's 2am and I have a quiz tomorrow bye, shutting my phone love you!" But this guy wont leave you and spam you in EVERY social media. "Nice try, but I know you have discord on your laptop. Wait, I see you online I'm calling you now."

One time, he came to your huge lecture hall and he sat right next to you, and he would just turn and look at you, focusing on what you are doing, and play around with your stuff and hair. "Aomine, I am trying to focus!" You say all blushed and can't even write anything on your notebook. "Of course, cause you are focusing on me right? Sweetheart, I know, I know I am great." Now you wanna smack him.

Whenever he sees you, he gives you that hot smirk of his and it gives you butterflies. "Ha! Wow literally everything I do, you love it don't you?" . Y/N then turns to him and gives a small chuckle, "Don't get ahead of yourself, Aomine." He then goes near you and lays his arm on your shoulder, bring you closer and he would whisper to your ear "Why not? your my girl so, I want to impress you."

You both love it whenever you guys hold hands around university, this guy is really tall so you always feel so relaxed and also great when your boyfriend squeezes your hand, and walks you to your lecture. "Okay now try to focus on your lecture and not your mind all about me alright?"

He actually loves it when you cheer for him and that really boost not only his ego but rather his self-confidence. "Y/N! I'm gonna win this match for you!" He would yell out during the match and everyone is looking at you.

He would go for academic help for you sometimes and you guys meet up in the library to study. You are the reason he passed some subjects, don't get me wrong, he is intelligent but super lazy.

His wallpaper is a selfie of you both and he looks at that before every match. He sometimes pecks his phone when he finds a picture of you.

Speaking about his phone, this guy has a folder with just you, all your pictures, screenshots of chats, even screen records of your voice notes and videos. He just loves you dearly, and he gets so fucking mad if someone touches or even goes near that gallery. He protects that with all his life, your pictures are important and he is not the type of guy to show his friends your pictures, in fact he hates that! "My folder, my girl, and no one gets to see that. Go away."

Whenever he is bored or isn't doing nothing, he would open his phone, and check every social media app to see your online status. "Oh OH, I see you online darling! Answer me, wanna go out and get ice cream? Please say yes."

He is actually such a great motivator and brings your mood up whenever you feel like giving up during university. He won't allow that, like never. "What so you will just give up? Stop? After all this time, you let this one test fuck you up? Don't you dare let that bring you down, you idiot." He actually even inspires you.

Before you go for the whole day cause you had to work on your report he would say "Smile for me one last time?"

When he sees you from afar, he would yell out and say "That's my girl! Don't move, I'm coming for you!" And this guy jumps at you with his embraces and sometimes picks you up. "L-Love put me down!!"

He actually loves teasing you like that in public, he wants everyone to know that are are HIS girl and his only.

He messages you during his practices and even would skip practice to see you.

Y/N: Oh you don't have practice today?

Aomine: Nope! And besides, I am the captain so doesn't matter. (He is not the captain- its akashi but lies)

He says that and then goes on how he knows everything about basketball and the team and he keeps doing that till you can compliment him ‘Please Y/N say anything’ he would think and you know that but tease him back not saying anything.

*meanwhile in his basketball groupchat*

Kise: aomine, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!

Akashi: Probably ran off to see his girl.

Atsushi: Whatever, my chance to leave and eat outside.

Kuroko: Can I join you?

Atsushi: No.

You would treat his injuries and he would just sit there, looking at you with a smirk.

Aomine: "Oh yea, here even hurts darling!"

Y/N: "Love....you are lying aren't you?"

Aomine: "What! No!...Maybe?"

You let out a sigh "Ah, you are an idiot...stop hurting yourself all the time." He would suddenly lift your chin up and say "You know...that I love you yea? You also better tell me everything and if you need help, just say it" He can be really soft and sweet sometimes, but he gets all cringy and shy about it and he gets up rubbing the back of his head. "I-I mean that's what a boyfriend does right?! Come on, get up I'm taking you out."

Okay, I hope you enjoy this and anyone who did! Aomine is such a dork but a sweetheart and I can see most of this happening :,)

If anyone enjoyed reading this, please then leave a like or a reblog! It means a lot and have a great day <3

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oceanbaby888 · 3 years

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MOON SIGN MAGIC ✨🌛🌠 (Part 2)

Hey yall!!

I'm back with the second half of the "Moon Sign Magic" Series!! This post will just contain the remainder of the moon signs, just like part 1!! You all seem to like this series! I'm glad I could help yall understand and teach, even if it is the basics!!

With that said, let's do it!!

Libra Moon:

A Libra moon may be emotionally passionate about protecting others. Libra is all about being considerate of how others feel, since they do represent the 7th house (7th house= relationships with others). This moon placement may also have alot of friends in order to feel emotionally comfortable at least like to do alot of activities with people to process. They also can be a therapeutic force towards others which is therapeutic for themselves! A Libra moon is a placement of someone who is like the "mediator" of the group( that is more exhausting than it sounds honestly 🙃) so remember to put yourself first sometimes Libra moon! Someone with a Libra moon may have a mom/women in their lives that are very easy going, have many friends, very aesthetic/pretty (Libra rules Venus), and/or may be lawyers or passionate about law and fairness (Libra are represented by the scales, which is about justice and fairness).

Scorpio Moon:

Ooooo this is my favorite moon placement I'm sorry yall!!! Scorpio moons are you guessed it, emotionally intense. Yet, this is a Pluto ruled moon placement we are talking about. Pluto goes through intense, painful transformations; so sometimes a Scorpio moon may go through super intense emotional processes, but they also come out stronger and better in the end. Why? Because Pluto is the planet of rebirth, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. That is exhausting idk how the fuck yall manage 😭😣😥. This moon placement may also withhold how they really feel at times because they want no one to pry. Not to say they dont want help with their emotions, but sometimes no one can really understand the intensity of a scorpio moon, or at least they think so, but sharing may be a pleasant surprise scorpio moon ☺️. Someone with a scorpio moon may have a mom/women in their lives that are very private. They also may have a very deep bond with their mom/women in their lives. Since Scorpio rules 8th house themes, this placement may also have a mom who shares alot with them (8th house = joint materials) or be into the occult (8th house= the occult). Unfortunately this isnt always so positive, as a scorpio moon may have a mom/women in their lives who may think they're weird (Pluto = taboo/abnormal) or be very reactionary towards them :/.

Sagittarius moon:

A Sagittarius moon may come off very happy go lucky, joyful, and all around pleasant. They're also very expressive of their emotions. As this is a Jupiter ruled moon, this placement may only like to deal with the positive emotions (Jupiter= optimism) and try not to deal with the negatives, yet that's not how it works sag moon 😂. A sagittarius moon may also become emotionally wiser as they grow older (Jupiter = wisdom). Since Jupiter is also the planet of expansion, the emotions of a Sagittarius moon may know no bounds, which is something they must be aware of, but that doesn't mean that's a green light for yall to invalidate their emotions niether 😡. Sagittarius moon need emotional FREEDOM, they just need to know the time and place to do so. Sag moon may also change their emotional perspectives by travelling to places they haven't been and get different perspectives. This also contributes to a sag moon's wisdom. A sagittarius moon may have a mom/women in their lives who are free spirited, very wise people, happy go lucky, and also love to travel with their children. Since Sagittarius also rules law, religion/belief systems, and higher academia, I wouldn't be surprised if a sag moon would have a mom/women in their lives that are pastors, lawyers, professors, or spiritualists.

Capricorn moon:

This moon is in its detriment here. Detriment means a planet is placed in the opposing sign of what it rules (Cancer-Capricorn are opposing signs). A capricorn moon may not necessarily feel emotional warmth unfortunately. This placement is methodical about their emotional processes, yet they must understand emotion and logic are two, separate things. It's okay if you feel a little icky and dont know why, just let it flow cap moon. A capricorn moon may also be emotionally connected to their social status as capricorn rules 10th house themes like social status. The higher and better the status, the better they're off, or at least that's what they may feel. Similar to virgo moon, a capricorn moon may feel best when at work or working on their career (Capricorn = career path) or doing something business like. Referring back to the emotional warmth point, since Saturn rules restrictions, a person with a capricorn moon may have a mom/women in their lives that may make them feel emotionally restricted or dont listen to their emotional needs (*hugs capricorn moon because I care about your emotions at least cap moon 🥺*). A capricorn moon may also have a mom/women in their lives that are career-oriented or care alot about their social status/prestige (unfortunately sometimes at the child's expense). On the flip side, a capricorn moon may also have women that can help them advance in their careers!

Aquarius moon:

Another moon placement that is methodical/rational about their emotions. Aquarius is traditionally ruled by Saturn so there would be similarities, yet like cap moon, remember emotion isnt logic Aqua moon ☺️. An Aquarius moon may like to process their emotions doing humanitarian work or being around friends (Aquarius =social groups) like Libra moon! Aquarius may feel at peace fighting for the greater good or being involved in community activities! Also, since Aquarius rules tech and the internet, an aquarius moon may play alot of video games or vent on the internet on Reddit (just an example lol). Since Aquarius are also inventive, they may create a project and put their feelings into that project, esp if it's a tech related project (Aquarius = technology). Someone with an Aquarius moon can have a mom/women in their lives who are heavy in the tech industry, may be active on social media/be social media personalities, may be very active in their communities(like a social justice advocate for ex),or may have a very original relationship with their mom/women in their lives. On the negative side, Aquarius is ruled by Uranus(being ahead of the time, osctrization) and Saturn(restrictions), an Aquarius moon may have a mom/women in their lives that may not take their emotional needs seriously or express a disinterest in them, similar to cap moon. Yet, your emotions still deserve to be heard as well Aqua moon!

Pisces moon:

A Pisces moon may feel very connected with their emotions. Also, a Pisces moon may have emotions that run DEEEEPPPPP. This is possibly due to the fact Pisces represent the oceans, so they feel emotions so deeply. That's not bad at all, as we need more people like this (lol that's my Pisces sun being biased). But fr, this helps a Pisces moon be extremely creative and put those emotions into their projects. Since Pisces is modernly ruled by Neptune and traditionally by Jupiter(both representing spiritualism/ spiritual beliefs), Pisces moon may feel at peace when having a belief system or expanding themselves spiritually. Also, Pisces rules the 12th house themes. So it is tough when it comes to being a Pisces moon. Sometimes they dont know how they feel because they....literally dont know lol. 12th house rules loss and things we believe are there, but cant pinpoint. That's super frustrating for the Pisces moon. Being ruled by Neptune also means a Pisces moon may question their emotions alot as Neptune represents illusions, esp if alot of people have invalidated their emotions over time :/. Yet, sometimes what's understood dont gotta be explained Pisces moon!!!! LOL YOU KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! A pisces moon may have a mom/women in their lives that are very spiritual, spiritually free, and also go with the flow. Wont be surprised if they have moms/women in their lives who are pastors as well. They may have an easy going, free nature with their mom or women in their lives. Yet, being a Neptune ruled moon, sometimes it's hard for a Pisces moon to understand where their relationship lies with their mom/women in their lives; it's just downright confusing at times 🙃🙃🙃😪.

And that completes the Moon Sign Magic series!!! I hope you all learned. It's not perfect but hopefully it's a start to your learning. See you in the next post!!

-Claude

#astrology observations #astrology #spirituality #libra moon #scorpio moon #sagittarius moon #aquarius moon #piscesmoon #capricorn moon #moon sign

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steves-on-a-plane · 3 years

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Trending Cap

Words: 843 Pairing: Sam Wilson X Reader Also Staring: Bucky Barnes Summary: When Reader finds out Sam, as the new Captain America, isn't planning on doing anything special to celebrate 4th of July she suggests he recreates a viral TikTok trend. With the help of Reader and Bucky, Sam adds his own twist to the trend to great success.

“So, what are you doing for the fourth, Sam Eagle?” You asked the newly minted Captain America. You tossed yourself onto his couch and made yourself comfortable in his Washington, DC apartment.

“Who the hell is Sam Eagle?” Sam laughed.

“He’s a Muppet.” Bucky supplied as he walked into the kitchen carrying a six pack of beers. “He’s an eagle Muppet who’s whole personality is freedom and loving America. You have wings and you’re Captain America now. Also, your name is Sam. It’s a very funny joke.” He assured.

“Now you expect me to believe you know who the Muppets are?” Sam shook his head as Bucky began packing his beers into the fridge.

“I have a television in my apartment.” Bucky reminded him.

“To answer your question, [Y/N], this is what I’m doing. Sarah’s taking the boys off on a long weekend trip so I invited my two friends over and I’m going to cook some food, we’re going to hang out.” Sam shrugged. “What more could I want?”

“Ok, but I meant more like what are you doing as Captain America?” You clarified. “Like I know Steve used to go way over the top because it was his birthday and all, but are you not even going to post like a Cap meme or TikTok dance or anything?”

“A TikTok dance?” Sam chuckled.

“Why not?” You shrugged. “Maybe not a dance, but there’s this audio that’s been getting pretty popular.”

You reached for your phone which was dangling precariously off the edge of Sam’s coffee table. You opened the TikTok app and searched for the audio you wanted. Once you found it you played it for Bucky and Sam. The Audio started with the Star-Spangled Singer’s singing the verse of The Star Spangled Man with a Plan, the song from Steve’s old USO shows. Once the audio reached the line “We can’t ignore there’s a front and a war we must win” the background music changed to a more modern beat mixed with Sam’s very recent speech “I know there are millions of people who are going to hate me for it. Even now, here, I feel it. The stares, the judgement, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. And I’m still here. No super serum. No. Blonde hair or blue eyes. The only power I have is that I believe we can do better.”

“The trend is sort of a way to celebrate you as the new Cap.” You explained. “What most people do is they’ll do something like wear 1940’s fashion until the part where the music changes and then they switch to modern clothes. There are also some pretty impressive cosplays on here with homemade suits. For those typically its someone who starts out in a replica Steve suit and ends in a replica of yours. Usually they’ll act all hokey and exaggerated during the first bit and switch to a very serious lip-sync when it gets to the Captain Sam part.”

“[Y/N]’s right.” Bucky commented as he scrolled through TikTok on his own phone. “Walker might not be the only one you have to fight for the shield. These are some pretty impressive…what did you call them?”

“Cosplayers.” You supplied.

“Dress up people.” Bucky nodded.

“Alright, you’ve convinced me.” Sam nodded. “But the two or you have to help me.”

“Perfect! I’ve always wanted to raid your closet!” C’mon Buck, you can be my onset 1940s fashion consultant.” You dragged him towards Sam’s bedroom.

“[Y/N]! Don’t even think about taking one of my flannel shirts!” Sam called after you.

“Two shirts it is then!” You shouted back.

With Bucky’s help you were able to piece together a presentable 1940s stye outfit from Sam’s closet. The outfit consisted of Khaki slacks, a brown belt, brown leather shoes and a brown and beige stripped shirt. The collar wasn’t exactly wide enough for the time, Bucky wanted to point out, but it would do in a pinch. Luckily the wallpaper in the living room of Sam’s apartment looked ancient. It probable hadn’t been updated since the 1920’s let alone the 40s.

So, you positioned Sam in a corner of the room where most of his modern amenities were out of sight and filmed him dancing and mouthed along to the Star Spangled Man song. When the music stopped you stopped filming. Sam changed most of the way into his cap suit. He gave you the signal and you began filming. Sam added on pieces to his outfit, like his wings, and his goggles while repeating his speech. When he reached his final line “I believe we can do better.” He looked directly into the camera. You held his gaze for a second before cutting off the recording.

“People are going to love it, Sam.” You told him confidently.

“We’ll see I guess.” He took his phone from you and added his own caption to the video. “Wanted to get in on the trend. Have a safe and happy 4th of July.” He added in a few hashtags before posting the video.

“Now will the two of you let me enjoy the rest of my day in peace?” Sam asked setting his phone down.

“I don’t know, I kind of want to see you make a Sam Eagle TikTok now that [Y/N] has put that idea in my head.” Bucky announced.

“This is my place.” Sam reminded you both. “I can kick you out any time.”

“I was promised cold beer and free food. I’m not leaving until I get both.” Bucky insisted. “And don’t bother asking if I’d throw hands with Captain America because we both know you wouldn’t be the first or even the second to find out that answer is yes.” Bucky sat down on the couch you’d once occupied. Sam had a witty retort prepped and ready to fire, but his phone began to buzz in his hand.

“Our TikTok’s got a like.” He shared proudly. His phone buzzed again. “Oh another one!”

“There’s a few comments too.” Bucky said. “’Welcome to the App Cap’ and ‘It’s the 40’s fit for me.’ [Y/N], what does fit mean?”

Within minutes Sam’s phone was booming with notifications. They were happening so frequently he had to set the sound to completely silent just so he could hear himself think. There were a few negative comments. Someone had dredged out the classic “Not My Cap” hashtag, but overall the response was positive. After twenty-four hours the video had over 500 thousand likes and ten thousand comments.

“[Y/N], you want a job as my social media/PR?” Sam jokingly texted you the next morning. “But seriously, it was a good idea. Thanks for the assist.”

“Anything for you, Cap.” You replied back. “You can pay me back with dinner next Saturday night. I’m still dreaming of last night’s dinner. Oh also, I stole a flannel from your closet.” You added a winking emoji before sending Sam a photo of you wearing his flannel shirt.

“It’s yours.” He replied. “That shirt’s never looked so good.”

“I can think of one place it might look better. You’re floor.” You sent, trying to sound flirty.

“That’s probably where you found it in the first place.” He messaged back with a series of laugh emojis. “You can return it if you want.”

“You’re so oblivious!” You told him with an eyeroll emoji. “The shirt is mine, and…” But before you could send another reply a new message from Sam came through.

“I’m just joking. Are you free tomorrow for dinner?” He wanted to know.

“We just had dinner together yesterday.” You reminded him.

“Now who’s oblivious? You have to eat every day don’t you? And Bucky wont be at this dinner.” He texted back all in one message.

“Ohhhhhh.” You typed several extra ‘H’s to emphasize your realization. “I’ll see you at 6, your place.”

#Sam Wilson #Sam Wilson Captain America #Sam Wilson x Reader #Sam Wilson Reader Insert #Sam Wilson Fan Fiction #Sam Wilson Fan Fic #Sam Wilson FF #4th of July #TikTok

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willddheartt · 3 years

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26 Days | Wilbur Soot

30 days to fall in love with someone? Sounds easy right? It would be if that person wasn’t so unbelievably annoying in almost every sense.

You’re not sure how you found yourself in this situation, but you were positive there was no backing out now…

Series Warnings: Mostly fluff and angst, and a very poorly constructed enemies to lovers plot.

Word Count: 2264

Masterlist Series Masterlist

26 Days

God, you hated him so much! You wanted to scream it from the top of a building how much you truly hated Wilbur. But you couldn’t

Lately, no matter what you did or said on stream, he always had a problem with it. You had been streaming Minecraft together, on the SMP. You were just messing around, no lore this time. You suggested you made a house together in L’manburg, no matter what you did, the two of you couldn't agree on a material, you wanted to build it out of birch wood and cobblestone but he insisted on dark oak logs and spruce planks would look better together. You gave up and let him have what he wanted because he was so persistent and you knew had it gone on you would have blown up on him in front of all your viewers, and that’s the last thing you needed right now.

You were up late, last night, planning out when you were going to meet up, and just a few hours ago the two of you got along perfectly. Laughing over the phone as you were laying in bed, chatting mindlessly. You wondered what happened between then and now. You and Will planned to meet up in the middle of next week, you were going to drive down to see him and stay at his place. Although you brought up getting a hotel room, Wilbur insisted you stay with him, too tired to resist you agreed, but now you're starting to think maybe getting a hotel room might be for the best.

You and Wilbur ended your streams at the same time, and you sighed as soon as you were sure it was off.

“What?” Wil asked, still in the voice chat. “What was that back there? Why the hell are you so disagreeable?” You let out. Will scoffed, “Me? You’re the one who kept on insisting birch and cobble when that wouldn't even fit in L’manburg!” “Jesus Christ,” You sighed, leaning back in your chair and running your hands down your face. “How in the hell are we going to get through this month?” “Maybe you should stop being so uptight and argumentative.” Wil shot “Fuck you,” You mumbled before clicking out of the chat and leaving your PC.

You needed to get out of the house and away from any form of contact you had with Wilbur and social media. You had been cooped up inside your apartment for close to a week at this point, maybe some fresh air would do you good. You grabbed a jacket and keys before leaving the apartment, leaving your phone charging on your desk. You didn’t want to bring it with you because you didn't even want to think about getting a text or any kind of notification from Wilbur right now, you knew you would have blown up at him completely.

The weather was just beginning to turn nice, the air was warm but the wind still had a slight winter chill to it, although all the snow was long gone Jack Frost still made his lurking presence known. Buildings lined the walls of a small square common area where teens mostly hung out after school and on weekends. The square had a fountain in the middle of it, the water had been shut off for the winter but with the warm temperatures from the last month, it had recently been turned back on. You sat on the ledge of the brick wall around the bottom pool for the fountain, looking at everyone passing through on this nice Wednesday evening. Older couples out for an evening walk, middle-aged business people speed walking their way home from the office, teens scattering the open area, sitting on blankets and laughing in their small groups of friends. You found watching people be interesting, it made you think.

We are all living our own lives at the same time and most of us on this small planet don't even know of one another, or if you know of them you don't know them, you only know their name. It's weird how that works. It's astounding to think about though, what are the chances of meeting exactly who you did, at the time you did, and what a gamble it is for them to stick around.

You had been sitting on the fountain for close to five minutes and when the wind had just started to pick up, sending a slight shiver down your spine. Your mind was clearer now and you were no longer angry with Wilbur, it was stupid what you fought about and as much as it pained you to admit, he was right. You were being stubborn and didn’t take into account the surrounding aesthetic of the area. It was your fault that the disagreement broke out in the first place.

You got home and saw your phone had been basically blown up by notifications from Wilbur, asking if you were really mad at him or if it was for a bit that you took too far, but when you didn't answer he slightly snapped you, asking if you were okay and where you were. You answered immediately, scared he might have been worrying.

Hey! You typed, Sorry I went for a walk after stream, needed to get out.

There you are! He responded within seconds, I got worried.

I’m okay, I left my phone home, needed a break from the internet and things. You know?

You mean you needed a break from me?

You could have sworn, had you been on a video chat with him you would have seen him frowning. You weren't sure what about that message got you, but you found yourself almost with tears in your eyes, you didn't mean to hurt him and you hoped you didn't -what were you talking about. Wilbur didn't mean anything to you, he was just someone you kept in contact with because you were in the same friend group.

No, you typed, not the whole thing at least. I just needed to clear my head, and i'm sorry for being such a dick on stream, I didn't mean to cause that, and you were right about the blocks.

You sighed when hitting the send button, never in a million years did you think you would be telling Wilbur, The Wilbur Soot, that he was right about something. I’m sorry.

Christ Y/N it’s alright, really. Just don't scare me like that again, I was starting to think something bad happened to you.

I didn't mean to scare you, Wil.

You found yourself feeling bad about leaving him in the dark while you were out, you didn't mean to worry him, you just didn't want to hurt him by blowing up at him.

Still call tonight, yeah? He messaged

You nodded, even though he couldn't see you. Yeah, I'd like that very much. I'll call you before I go to sleep.

In the time that you had been a fake couple, you and Will had started calling while you were getting ready to fall asleep in bed, you usually ended up falling asleep before he did, the sound of his raspy sleepy voice lulled you to sleep like there was no tomorrow. You'd wake up in the morning to find that Wil left the call going, you thought it was cute. Sure it might have been some highschool relationship stuff but it was cute nonetheless.

“Hello, Y/N” Will said through the phone, his voice sounding tired and soft “Hi Wil,” You smiled, giggling slightly. Although you had just been on a voice chat with him earlier you loved hearing his voice when he was tired, it sounded like stirring honey into your morning cup of tea, or reading an old book, but specifically an old book that smells of must and age of being stored at the back of your grandparents bookshelf that hadn't been touched in years. “You sound tired,” you mumbled, laying down with the phone resting on your stomach as you looked up at the ceiling. “I am,” He hummed, “You don't sound very tired though, did you drink a lot of coffee today?” He asked “A little more than usual, but I’ll be fine.” You sighed, your voice almost coming out in a whisper. There was something about talking to Wilbur before going to sleep that made you feel soft and loved, but you couldn't put your finger on exactly what it was. Maybe it was the thought of having someone there, or maybe it was just as simple as it was Wilbur and it was you.

“Are you excited for next week?” He asked “Right now it feels too far away to be real,” “Who’s talking here, is it you you or is it us you?” He asked, unsure if your thoughts were good or bad “Its both,” You said. “It feels so far away to me right now, but so close at the same time and a side of me cant wait for it to get here, so we can finally meet in person. But another side of me feels like it’s good that it feels so far away because maybe something will come up and I wont be able to make it and i don’t want to think that or even say it because thats a terrible thing to say but you know how it is.” You rambled, trying your best to explain it to him in a way that he would fully understand the crossroads your mind is at, and not sound like a dick while doing it.

Although you couldn’t see it, you could tell he was nodding along. “How about we make a deal, alright?” He started, “In these night chats, we don’t have to put on the face of the characters we play on stream and through out the day, Alright?” You rolled over to your side, putting an arm under your head and setting your phone on the mattress by your head. “I like that. Deal.” “Okay now tell me how you really feel about all of this”

All the thoughts ran though your head a mile a minute, you didn’t know where to start honestly, you had a lot of thoughts but if you really looked at it and narrowed it down most of them talked circles around the same thing just using different words.

“You promise what ever I say wont hurt you or make you flip out?” You asked “Swear on Tommy’s life.” You could sense the smirk that tugged at the side of his mouth when he said that. “Okay,” You started with a sigh. “So I din’t really know where I stand on it anymore, at the beginning I thought this was going to be insufferable, but now that we’ve gotten into it for a few days, you’re really not that bad, but I’m still on the fence.” “I hope come meeting, your opinion has changed a little bit more. But I do understand where you’re coming from. Its weird being able to talk off stream and such with you and not be fighting twenty-four-seven. It’s nice, I feel like I’m getting to know you better.”

He was right, you had told Wilbur more in the last five days than you had ever in your years of knowing him. You were surprised to find out that he’s actually not as bad as you thought, but you would never tell him that bit.

“Do you have to put on a character when we do those streams and such, Wilbur?” You asked,

“I don’t think I do, and if I do it I don’t know what I’m doing it. It’s just something thats easy to do, I’m not sure how to explain it.” He replied “Do you have to when we’re talking like this?” “No. Not at all, this is 100% me.”

You’re not sure what part hit you the most, when he said he didn’t have to put on a full character mask when showing your ‘relationship’ to the public, or if this Wilbur, the tired one was the real Wilbur who you've been falling asleep with for the past three nights. You weren’t sure what you though you wanted to hear when asking him that but it definitely wasn't what you go, but maybe it was what you needed.

The line went dead for a couple of minutes, you had the radio playing softly in the background to help you sleep better, and Wilbur seemed to be enjoying listening to you breathe through the phone.

“Hey Wil,” You yawned “HM?” He hummed, you could tell he had his eyes closed with the phone by his face, like he did on one of your face time calls the other day. “I’m soon gonna pass-out,” You whispered “Thats alright, go to sleep. Get your rest, I’ll be here when you wake up, love.” He was so sweet it almost made your heart hurt. “Okay” You nodded, but don’t hang up, okay? I like it when you’re here with me when I fall asleep.”

You struggled to keep your eyelids open, feeling heavy and light all at the same time. You felt so light it was as if you could float away but you were too heavy and weighed down to get up and move, even if you absolutely had to move for whatever reason you don't think you could have.

“Goodnight Wilbur, love you.” You mumbled into your pillow “Sweet dreams.”

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wisherbysharlight · 4 years

Text

WHAT IF... SANDERS SIDES BUT MAKE IT A TROPEY TEEN BEACH AU

Endgame!LAMP. Dukeceit, Remile

Just 2k stream of consciousness words from a plunny that grew legs TW for v slight underage drinking, one joking mention of violence, and a non-specific discussion of intrusive thoughts

-Janus has just moved there because his parents wanted to start a new "adventure" and he is a Stereotypical Teenager. Very "ugh MOM I wanna go back to my FRIENDS for my LAST SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE"(most of his friends suck. He should not spend time with them. He does not know this)

His Parents buy him a surfboard and tell him to try it out as a way to get him to Shut Up

Hes a Skater Boy(cue music) so he picks it up super fast from like,,, youtube videos

-He gets told to Get a Job if he wants to like, keep buying surf gear?

All the local kids work at like one restaurant/yacht club type place right on the beach

Janus gets hired as a host

-Logan is a beach badge checker, Patton, Roman, and Remus are beachfront restaurant waiters but Roman just Really Wants To Surf, Emile and Virgil are Lifeguards, and Remy is a bartender

-Janus is Very Good At Customer Service because Fake Smiles

Patton recognizes this Immediately

He shows him the Rage Closet which is a tiny room with an arm chair that locks from the inside where you can punch a pillow on your break when it gets to be Too Much

-Janus is Attached now and there is no getting rid of him

Patton Fully Endorses this and introduces him to the rest of the group

Janus Knows Immediately that LAMP is In Love but says nothing because he aint no snitch

-Remus surfs, but he also always wear a thong while doing it

Roman wears a full wetsuit and somehow still gets Board Rash. Remus is somehow immune and it infuriates him

-Janus, not knowing that the twins live right on the beach cuz they are RichTM: Hey Ree I kinda wanna learn how to surf would you be able to teach me

Remus, who religiously watches Janus surf every morning, but is absolutely willing to play this game: Yeah absolutely

Patton, later: “lets rinse off at the twins they’re right here” Janus: theyre.... What?!

-Meanwhile, elsewhere, Virgil and Roman are double teaming Logan to drag him into the water with them cuz he’s pouting about losing a debate with their manager about how he didn’t really be mean to the dudebro who wanted to get his buddies onto the beach without paying, he was just enforcing the rules. And if the dude was so offended by Logan’s Very Accurate Dragging that he complained to management then, well, that’s his problem not Logan’s

-Logan is never without a book. Ever. And its always a different book. Janus is starting to think he owns a library

One day he is just... reading a Physics textbook. Not taking notes or anything. Just reading.

Roman is Very Very Alarmed by this because he is Gay and Math is Scary

"Roman I'm also gay that is not a determining factor"

"Yeah but you can't drive"

"...fair"

-the first time janus has a shift with the twins, he cant stop staring, not just because hes like,,, super attracted to Remus but also because they are like Chaos Incarnate and yet somehow get the most tips??? He doesn't understand???

It's just cuz they are both Huge Flirts and Flatterers and the patrons dont care that they're not-so-subtly beating the shit out of each other right there on the dining floor because theyre just so charming

-one of the bartenders gets aggressively snapped at by a customer and called "sweetheart" and before Janus can even begin to react Remy is there, sunglasses off, fire in his eyes, telling them to settle their bill and get the fuck out

Janus, used to City Restaurants- "Wont you get in trouble with the owner?!"

Remy, who knows Nothing Else But This- "What?? Not likely I only did it cuz Thomathy wasnt here to do it himself"

-the restaurant is closed Monday and Tuesday so that is the Pseudo Weekend for the staff where everyone hangs out at the beach

Emile and Virgil take Tuesdays off but still work Monday’s cuz they feel better being the one watching over their friends

-Roman, staring at Virgil on the lifeguard stand: ugh he’s so pretty I almost wish I was drowning just so he could give me cpr

Janus: you wanna potentially get your ribs broken just for lip contact?

Remy, staring at Emile on the lifeguard stand: listen, if that’s what it takes, I’ll take it

Remus, immediately going up to the lifeguard stand because he has 0 impulse control: hey my brother and cousin want you to break their ribs

Virgil and Emile: excuse me?????

-Patton will literally spend hours in the water. Logan physically drags him out to put sunscreen on him every two hours to the minute. Patton does not admit that he purposely "forgets" just so Logan will do so

Logan is Dark and has never used sunscreen ever but Patton is so pale and he just gets so concerned about him. Patton thinks its adorable

He has pages of research on proper spf determination.

Roman and Remus use spf 15 just on their faces and have never once burned in their lives

Logan wants to submit them for scientific study because that shouldnt be possible

Virgil calls Logan out on the fact that he also should be wearing sunscreen and Logan like... blue screens he cant believe in all his research he missed that

-Patton is like... a ridiculously strong swimmer. Virgil still has a heart attack every time he goes for laps when there is the slightest hint of an undertow

Patton Knows This so he tries to stay in Virgil's sight line for the most part if there is an undertow. Or just dives over the waves again and again.

His nickname is Ariel. He thinks its just cuz of the swimming and the fact hes a red head. LAP all separately also tack on that its the swimming, the red hair, and the hnng pretty 10/10 would follow out to sea ala Prince Eric

-first beach bonfire Janus goes to Remy is Fully In Emile's Lap like... half an hour in

he has had like maybe a sip of a beer

Remus says he still claims this is because he is a Clingy Drunk

no one will call him on it, least of all Emile

-there is truth or dare. Roman may or may not skinny dip you have no proof

-Logan gets infuriated that he cannot roast a marshmallow properly

Patton does it perfectly every single time but its ok cuz he shares and Logan eats it right from his fingers and Roman and Virgil are just in the background Trying and Failing not to be the Most Jealous

Patton thinks theyre upset they didn't get marshmallows and makes some for them too and there is lots of Significant Eye Contact involved

Janus is going to spontaneously combust if they don't get their shit together

-Janus is out walking on the beach one night on a full moon cuz he cant sleep with everything so quiet around here when he sees a bright green patch out in the water and goes ...wait

he calls out to Remus and he comes into shore and is like "waves are perfect at night you should join me" so janus goes back and gets his board and they surf and chat for like the entire night

Janus finds out Remus couldn't sleep cuz intrusive thoughts were keeping him awake

Janus listens and doesn't judge, just lets Remus talk it out

They go back to shore and fall asleep on the sand next to each other like mid sentence still talking, now about whatever creative business idea Remus had, and get woken up by Logan's morning rounds like "come on guys you know you're not allowed to sleep out here" but they dont care theyre both just *blushing emoji*

-Logan Always Has A Notebook right? And a regular book he reads. And everyone assumes they are like Notions and Observations, but no, it’s actually blank paper and he uses it to sketch and then one day he leaves it behind and someone either Virgil or Patton finds it and flips through it and it’s all sketches of them and Roman and they’re like??? Actually really good? Anyway that’s how they find out Logan is actually minoring in art even though he’s majoring in something Very STEM

And he never told his best friends because like almost all his pre college art is Them and he doesn’t want to be caught having Feelings and by the time it gets to college it’s been too long and he can’t tell them now

Roman takes one of the sketches of him surfing and makes it his profile picture on All Social Media He Has and Logan is so flustered he nearly breaks his damn phone

Patton is so offended he didn’t get invited to Logan’s first showcase that he doesn’t talk to him for like two whole hours

Virgil quietly asks if there is any art of all four of them, finds out there is, and makes a print and keeps it on his bedside table

-They are all Pining Outwardly Now and its Worse

-Remus : you have known them since pre-k please ask them out I beg of you

Roman: You just dont get it

Remus: I asked Janus out after 4 weeks what is your problem

Emile: Virgil, I love you, you are my Partner in Anti-Drowning but you are so stupid

Virgil: What???? All I said is that you and Remy are really cute and I'd love to be in a relationship like that

Emile: I am not a violent person, Virgil, but I have the strong urge to smack you

Patton, in the Rage Closet: They're all just so hOT and ReSPEctFUL

Janus, waiting for his turn, trying to act like he cant hear him: I Am Looking Elsewhere

Logan: I just don't understand why they were more upset that I didn't tell them than that I'd been making art of them for years?? Shouldn't that second part be worse??

Remy, who has been partial to Every Single One Of AMP Waxing Poetic About Logan: Yeah, no idea /s

-the twins get into a surfing competition as a pair and everyone goes to see them and support them

Thomas airs the competition on every tv in the restaurant cuz he’s Proud of his Bois

They WIN cuz they are Creative and Talented and came up with all sorts of crazy tricks while they were fucking around in the water but it earns them Major Bonus Points for originality

-Roman does the run off the podium and into Love’s arms trope with just like... whoever’s closest lets go Patton because he is a Waif and forced himself up front so he can see

The other two are Devastated because well shit but then Roman pushes through the crowd, still holding Patton’s hand, and gives them this smile and is like “remember in like second grade when we said we’d do everything together and made a pact on this beach”

Analogical: uhhhhhh yeah

Roman: holding you both to it. No take backs. This counts. Now kiss me, dammit, we WON and they DO MANY TIMES AND ITS REAL CUTE

-Meanwhile dukeceit have Mysteriously Disappeared and No One wants to be the ones to go find them. They show back up, eventually. Janus has a branch in his hair and remus' hair is sticking straight up and when he opens his mouth roman glares at him and tells him in no uncertain terms that they do not want to know

AnYWaY these are my children and I will gladly answer any questions about them. I left out Janus Backstory and Creativitwins Angst and Many Individual LAMP Scenes and Remile/Dukeceit getting together and Epilogue but can absolutely provide such things on request

#romantic lamp #dukeceit #remile #ts fic #sanders sides fic #remus mention #tropey beach au #listen im not responsible for what i do when on the beach with discord open #this is so self indulgent my god

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

Note

I loveeeee the way ur brain works and i like all ur posts and love reading them. Its Jimin day today and i wont lie that i am feeling a bit sad about whole JK not posting on JM bday because he was getting active on Social media again and i thought its because of JM bday coming soon but i hope they are happy and JM had a blast celebrating his bday.. it annoys me how other ship( u know which ship) is happy and making fun about this situation and calling Jikook bond fake and nonexsistant. 1/2

Ahhhhhh this topic!

Also me:

Packing my bags off these shipping streets. Jk don disgrace us. Lol. Kidding. If more than anything today has solidified my faith in JK and Jikook and while y'all are jumping ship imma hold the fort. Hashtag Jikook for life!

I've been receiving a lot of questions about this, about JK not posting for JM's birthday and I haven't answered any of them because- well I passed out. So...

Anywho,

Jk didn't post true, but have you thought about what it would have meant for him and JM if he had posted?

Now I see a lot of people running through the ship streets shouting Jikook broke up, something was off between them, Jikook was never real, jikook this- Jikook that- y'all need to calm your horses or I swear to God!

I mean I am down for all that wild gossip and angst but I think y'all is tripping.

Do I think they are in a bad place, HELL NO. Do I think they are not real? HELL NO! Do I think JK don lost his minds? ABSOLUTELY.

Lol

No but seriously, I'm fascinated by all of this. I'm in pain, can't process shit but when it comes to Jikook I'm always intrigued and fascinated by them.

I'm mostly fascinated by why JK pulled a 5/8, geared up for JM's birthday but then posts crickets on Jimin's birthday as you've said.

Is it me or does this whole thing feel like the tattoo girl scandal all over again? Lmho.

Up until now, I've avoided addressing Asks about Jikook coming out, JK proposing and stuff like that because those territories are a bit tricky for me- to speculate on those, I find I'd have to speculate on whether marriage is something both of Jikook want, whether both of Jikook want to come out but these are conversations I don't think y'all are ready for with me.

Not when I believe one of them, if you've been following my train of thoughts you'd know which, is not ready to make such commitments, joking about marriage and shit- yes, that tiny man. Lol.

I mean the backlash I get for the tamer things I share on here- chilee, y'all is about to eat me up for this. Here goes nothing. Mama pray for me.

I have said, late 2018 to the middle of 2019 is one of the moments I sincerely felt JK was going to 'out' Jikook just based on the way he was moving through that era until that impromptu hiatus and the following scandal.

Out Jikook as in OUT Jikook- I've told y'all Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother. JK has been asserting himself and part of that self assertion ties in with his sexuality. He is tired of hiding. He's been tired since 2016- trouble this one.

Do I think JM is ready to come out- No. He doesn't want to come out but he doesn't want to hide hide either. Dude just want to stay in that glass closet.

Throughout my posts, I've speculated this has been a huge part of their on and off dynamics since November last year. Jk coming off too strong, JM asking for space- yall know don't make me repeat myself.

November 2019 up until today is also one such periods I felt JK was going to out Jikook, inspite of all the ups and downs they've experienced this season.

JK scares me to be honest with you. I keep saying people are looking at him wrong. Hell, people are looking at Jikook dynamics wrong I feel.

All the times Jikook have almost been accidentally outed, who's been the most terrified? It's not JK.

Jimin's face when RM said JK sneaks into JM's bed at night, his face when they walked into JK's room on Bon V and saw the cameras. I have an entire dissertation on this on my wall please get with it. Lol

Whatever silent protest JK's been on since JM's birthday last year- Not gonna lie, I felt JK was not posting for the others so he could post on JM's birthday this year as a way of coming out with him? You know, make a bold statement like he's done over the years? I'm delusional but also dead serious.

Each time I feel JK's come close to this pivotal moment, something's happened. I swear Jikook is taking years off my life- I'm exhausted.

Why is he trying to out their relationship on his own and not do that with the consent of Jimin? I'm gonna pray to God, y'all can read my mind with everything I have been saying since my posts because this is cutting it too close for me- and I'm exhausted so maybe another post next time.

Like I've said, I really believe they are in a good place this time around. Y'all know me, I don't shy from angst, I'd say if I felt there's been something off with them since they fixed whatever they were going through early half of the year.

The only tension I've sensed between them lately was on day two of the online concert when JM got a little too excited with trying to sell the sexual tension fantasy in his other ships and JK didn't look like he was happy about.

Later during the curtain call you could see dude cold stoning JM resulting in JM doing what he does best in such instances- clinging on to JK for their life. Lol.

He vanished from Namjoon's side real quick to take the bow next to JK but JK- Y'all check that moment out for yourself, see what I'm talking about.

Is that why he didn't wish Jimin a happy birthday? I don't think so. I think he put a lot of thought and preparation towards this moment to make something like this undo all of that- that is if my suspicions about what he was trying to do this year is right.

Jimin gone wake up married one of these days he won't know what hit him! Lmho.

It is why, I don't buy this whole he didn't post for the others which is why he didn't post for Jimin narrative. When have you known Jk to care about things like these?

The man literally got a birthday present for Jimin gave it to him in the presence of some of the members without doing same for them. Singling JM out like this is nothing new to him. He has done so consistently over the years to let this deter him.

The question y'all should be asking is why he didn't post for the others in the first place. They are all friends and posting for eachother's birthdays is a long standing tradition in BTS so why is he breaking from this culture all of a sudden?

Is he rebelling? Is he protesting? What is he trying to do? Right?

This moment has been building up since last year after JM's birthday and I honestly believed he was going to go through with it- hell I bought a wedding dress and shit- Jikook you son of bish!

I have said the company is giving them much room to be themselves, RM isn't breathing down their necks, JM looked like he was finally committed- everything looked great between them in my opinion except perhaps for the growing tensions between JK, V and Namjoon- If you've been paying any attention to their recent Twitter war.

I hate speculating based on nothing, so I'm just going to point out to you my observations without drawing conclusions- I'll share my thoughts on what these moments means when I've had more content to peruse and analyze from now- but for now you can make of it what you will:

1. JK starts a count down on Twitter, JM responds and continues the countdown.

Now I clocked, the moment JK posted this on the 5th that he had something up his sleeves with regards to Jimin which I shared with y'all. He was going for a 5/8/13 it's not news now.

2. After Jimin posts day 4 for the countdown, who ever was going to post after him was going to have to post day 3 to continue the countdown right? But Tae posts a V-cut instead breaking that chain.

Now I remember joking about this moment with a friend, rolling my eyes exclaiming, here they go again! V is trying to sabotage JK yet again, and he'd turn around and ask why their friendship is dwindling. The pettiness and passive aggressiveness of it all!

That moment reminded me of when he called JK out for attempting to eyefuck JM through the viewfinder in the Dynamite MV reaction video. Remember that? Same energy to me.

They do shit like this and their shippers will not take note but will turn around and act surprised when we say Taekook ain't all that- rolling my eyes.

3. Hobi continues the countdown with day 3 and RM posts something random the next day but I think it was to neutralize the Taekook shenanigans. Neutralizing is what RM does best- we been knew.

4. Jk posts his Savage Love cover on the 8th and equally doesn't partake in the countdown he himself initiated because- Savage.

5. Suga posts day 2. RM and Jin posts day 1 and Tae posts D-Day on the D day to promote the concert. Yadda yadda yadda.

Now I didn't think much of this moment to be honest- i merely took a mental note of it for future reference, and was paying close attention to their interactions at the concert- which we will talk about soon..

I didn't make much of this bit until VJoonKook became a hold out on Jimin's birthday. They were the last three to post, two of whom ended up not posting at all for Jimin"s birthday- fucking traitors.

It was at this point I felt compelled to put on my tinfoil hat. And reevaluate the situation.

Why were these three people the same trio engaged in that little squabble just a few days ago on the timeline? I wondered.

It felt as if Taekook were engaged in a Russian Roulette racing the clock while Joonie stood by waiting to neutralize whatever shit those two were going to pull on the timeline.

Call me delusional but I felt JK was going to post, Tae was going to try to one up him with a ridiculous post or counter his post- V and his fucking VMin agenda! Lmho

RM was going to end up mirroring whatever JK was going to post to neutralize it as per usual- leave me alone. I said I'm delusional. Let me be. Lol.

There's just a lot going on all at once and it's easy to lose sight of subtle moments like these when they happen.

Like Jimin saying he would be on VLive soon, which first of all- yay!

Y'all know I've been keeping my eyes on the app, most especially how the members are going to use it post IPO, post Soop- I have a lot of questions; will they be monitored like they were in May? Will they be able to have intimate interactions with the fans like before?

Y'all know my theory about Jikook and the VLive stuff so I'll leave it there.

Now as for what this moment here means, I think it's a humbling experience for all of us but mostly for Jimin-JK you sonova bish! Lol

Jimin is the one who loves to flex his bond and relationship with JK, he loves to show off their relationship. He is the one who's been called all sorts of names under the sun just because of his relationship with JK- even if they are friends.

None of the members have suffered and paid a price for their relationship with JK the way Jimin has throughout the years. It is why I hate it when people compare the others to him. Even if it placates you and lessens your insecurities please don't.

I'm not pressed about no ship wars. Hell, I often start one myself- what? fun.

I'm worried for Jimin mostly.

I think JK more than anyone knows how this looks. Which is why I really don't think this is what he was aiming for all along. To make Jimin look this way- again not to say JM is better than the others he didn't post for.

I don't know what's going on with JK now but I am not about to tell you this moment is nothing. It is not nothing.

I know people want to console themselves with the whole my partner don't gotta show off on social media on my birthday to show he loves me- please shut up. Or may be don't. Y'all con shippers confound me.

This is Jikook here, showing is an integral part of their dynamics. Isn't that why people call them a fanservice ship? Because they show so much? Because they do so much?

Jikook like to show off their bond, they like claiming eachother, they like reassuring eachother and I'm sorry but Park Jimin's father set such high standards for his son's birthday for anyone who claim they love him to pull stunts like this. Do y'all know Jikook at all?! I have to ask.

Jimin loves to be treated like he is different and special. It's his love language. We know this, BTS knows this, JK knows this- don't make excuses for JK if at the very least you can't see what he was trying to do here.

Even if you don't think they are a couple they are best friends- at the bare minimum. It doesn't take more than a few seconds to login and wish a friend a happy birthday- Hobi made four and he is not dating Jimin. Just saying.

You can't yell Jikook show us a lot hence there's no need for wild theories and assumptions and bully people who come up with wild theories and then in the same breath say they don't have to openly show us they care about eachother for them to be real- Y'all are going to ship by faith now? Chileee.

I have said JK likes to retract and conceal and only shows what he chooses to show and this was his choice. It's as simple as that. He chose not to post.

He didn't do it because of no damn other members.

He occupies a huge space in JMs life to not know what this moment says about him and his highly publicized relationship with Jimin- chileee, whatever did park Jimin do to you, JK?! Jesus Christ!

Havent heard of a betrayal this grand since the birth of Judas Iscariot- Judas is that you? Lmho.

I joke but I don't find this funny at all. Bless them.

It's one thing to not post for the others, but it's different for Jimin. And this is not to say the others don't matter to JK, they do. He's called them all family but then again he hasn't placed any one of them on a pedestal the way he's placed Jimin on a pedestal now has he? So we cannot assume Jimin means the same to him as the others mean to him.

Isn't that why we ship them?

Personally, I'm hurt by all of this. It hurts me that some people are going to use this as an excuse to tease and bully Jimin, call him a liar, call into question the years of friendship between Jikook, call into question any future interactions between them- I don cried my eyes out all day for Jimin but also for JK.

It hurts that I have to defend JK and Jikook to anyone. The task wasn't easy before all of this- not that anybody sent me. Who died and made me their spokesperson. Chileee

But please let's not dismiss this moment or belittle it. It's monumental- to me anyway.

JK was on to something I'm just curious to know what stopped him this time around. I want to know if he plans on not posting at all for anyone in the future. How long is he going to keep at it?

He's tried to out them twice. Will he do it again? How is he going to do it? What is Jimin going to do if indeed this is what JK had been planning, how is this going to affect their dynamics- I'm excited for their journey however it goes.

It's their journey unauthored. I'm just here to observe and report- and may uWu while I'm at it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we gotta ask ourselves, had JK posted anything at all today knowing full well he hasn't posted at all for anyone in the group all year, that what would that have meant for their relationship? What message would that have sent?

While we lament about this moment, let's also take a minute to ponder over what this moment might have signified if JK had actually posted.

Everything he did in the days leading up to Jimin's birthday pointed to the fact he was definitely going to post. To me it felt he was gonna come out. He was. And if he had done it- my god!

JK isn't my favorite person right about now. He can go ahead and step on leggos. No kithes for him🙄

But I have faith in him. Always. He's consistently shown and proven his love and loyalty for Jimin through out the years. You don't nibble on a man's ear in front of sixty thousand people, to find posting a simple message on his birthday tedious. This is Jikook. If it feels wrong, it is wrong.

I wish I could tell yall, this moment means nothing, that JK not posting is not a big deal but I can't. This moment is everything.

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook theories #kookmin analysis #jikook analysis #kookmin #jikooktheories #kookmintheories #jikook is real #ask goldy #ask response #ask about jikook #goldy #nightswithkookmin #jikook scenarios

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hiro-gari · 3 years

Video

youtube

Watching this short clip of newest music video from Wataru Hatano (Badd’s VA), made me thinking:

What most people don’t know yet is that Badd can actually sings beautifully.

Garou discovered this trivial fact when he heard Badd singing in the shower. His voice range is also good: Badd could do from lullaby or mellow-sounded songs to the screamo metal songs.

Badd usually does the lullaby singing whenever there’s thunderstorm at their place and Zenko was afraid to sleep alone, hence Badd calming Zenko down and made her feels safe with his singing. Garou also likes to lie beside Badd when he was lullabying Zenko and couldn’t help but loving his soothing voice so much.

The latter only when he got frustated after finishing annoying missions, like being snobbish executive’s bodyguard or encountering troublesome monsters. It was hilarious everytime Badd does that kind of screamo singing, Garou was wondering if they should just forming a rock or metal band together instead of doing heroes’ duty.

One time he sings Amai Mask’s song because he always (or forced to) listening Zenko’s favorite playlist on daily basis. Garou casually commented, “You sure do a much better job than him, babe!” while giving him a genuine adoring smile. Badd took it as the most flattering praise from Garou as he felt encouraged. So from that day on, he would be singing more around Garou, as it could improve their mood: Badd doing his secret hobby more freely without being judged and Garou enjoying his boyfriend’s beautiful voice to the fullest.

Imagine Garou decided to join Badd at singing duets when they have shower together, lmao. Truly chaotic and hilarious but still sounds beautiful.

Then at some point, there was a rather big television studio inviting S-Class heroes to be the guests for their new summer program. The plan was originally only having a talkshow night along with usual interviews, but the studio asking someone among S-Class heroes to be a volunteer singer for a short promotional music video clip.

All of them agreed to attend the talkshow night, but nobody dared to volunteer as a singer. Either too shy/embarassed that they couldn’t sing, have performance anxiety, or don’t like singing at all. Suddenly Garou suggested that Badd would do it since he got a nice voice and wonderful performance acts. Which resulted in Badd being combusted immediately and spluttered on why did Garou exposed his secret ability.

Garou said he wanted people to appreciate him and his skill, that Badd also has good talent beside being a courageous hero. Also, why not seeing the softer side of Metal Bat doing adorable singing performance on TV?

Badd wont admit it but Garou has a real good point, also felt happy that Garou always being a very supportive boyfriend to him. Thus it was decided that Badd would be the volunteer, saving all the S-Class heroes’ face from ruining the genuine offering.

Before the recording days, the TV program gave Badd the script for video performance, the song lyrics, and the demo song sample from the producer. It has summer-vibe theme, coincidentally also suits perfectly to Badd’s real image as a summer boy. Badd thought the song was actually pretty cute and high-spirited, too. He was sure he could do it easily with some improvisation acting, based on what he feels about the song lyrics.

Badd only needed 2 days (in his sparetime after daily hero patrol) to memorize the song and singing it perfectly. Of course Garou never missed to watch Badd’s practices at home or at the studio, as he always accompanied Badd on each scheduled time.

The recording day has come, imagine Badd’s performance for the song was like in the video above, just like what Wataru Hatano did.. 🎤🎶🌻☀

Everyone was very satisfied with Badd’s surprisingly skillful singing performance, including Garou who was so proud of him from outside recording room. He immediately gave Badd standing ovation on the spot, then hugging him tightly and kissing him passionately once Badd finished the recording session in front of people. PDA be damned Garou just wanted to appreciate his smol amazing lover.

The short music video was officially aired during the talkshow night, shocking both the whole audiences at the studio (including the S-Class heroes) or audiences from home who watched the live TV program (like Zenko). It was surprisingly also got so many views and likes when the video was uploaded at Ytube, not to mention being shared a lot on multiple social medias. Until Badd’s MV become the trending topic for 2 weeks straight, beating Amai Mask’s own newly released MV at that month.

People have been asking Badd if he would ever consider a singing career outside his current job. Badd answered he was actually feel comfortable and satisfied working as an S-Class hero. That no matter how hard and dangerous it seems, he still proud of his job. It’s what he means to be: saving people’s life. So, the answer is a Big No.

Badd only consider singing as his hobby, not his job. Besides, his singing voice is only reserved for his special people in his heart: Zenko and Garou. Only both of them who get free pass on enjoying his voice. Badd ended his public speech by giving a lingering soft kiss on Garou’s cheek and tender yet bright smile, saying that he’s very grateful for having such a supportive boyfriend on his side..

———————-

How was it? I hope the headcanon doesn’t sounds too weird hehe 😅💦

Since knowing Badd’s VA is Wataru Hatano, who often singing some anime’s OST beside voicing characters, I was thinking what if Badd also can sing beautifully like him?? 😳💕

If Amai Mask who is voiced by the famous Mamoru Miyano can sing in canon as an idol hero, why not Badd, too?? Since Wataru Hatano is also quite famous for his singing voice, y'know.. 👀✨

Besides, I think Garou would absolutely indulging on listening Badd’s beautiful voice at every possible chance, encouraging him even joined singing along with Badd happily. Just being lovable dumbass couple together, lmao!

As always, big thank you for: @hiro-gari, @the-goddessfighter, @kaincuro, @guby1620, @garous-nipple, @jusqu-une-etudiante, and @lovelybutnot-ablankcanvas, also ofc all of Batarou shippers in the fandom! 😆❤💜💙💖🌸🌻🌷💐

I know I’m just a very amateur writer who couldn’t ever make impressionable writing, which usually resembled like some shitposting, I’m so sorry for that. But I hope you still enjoyed this silly headcanon of mine :“”) Have nice days, guys~ 😌💕💓

-Little1993lamb-

—————————

~Lilia:

first of all exCUSE me I had no idea this was Badd’s VA omfg he’s??? amazing?? I love him 😭💖

Omg Badd singing lullabies to Zenko that’s so soft🥺🥺 his voice is deep and soothing he’d be so relaxing to listen to awww

asfdksdkfs Garou totally volunteered him with NO hesitation 😂😂 Yaaaas Badd >>>> Amai 👏😤 like sure they’ve both got good vocals but Amai’s personality is... you know... So happy Badd put him in his place even if it was only for a couple weeks, Garou gotta be so proud :’)

Thank you so much this is cute as hell asgdjskks 💕 DW anon I love your headcanons !!

#this is so crazy cause I was literally just listening to Midorikawa-san sing Disney songs #specifically Can You Feel the Love Tonight T-T #and I was like #what if he was singing to his boyfriend tho #are you psychic anon #ily omg #i hope you have a nice day too <3 #submission #anon #batarou #garou #metal bat #au

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jawritter · 4 years

Text

Broken Me...

Ch. 3

Summery: The Dallas Convention couldn't have come at a worse time for Jensen. His world fell apart earlier that morning, but was expected to just act like everything was normal. You and a friend were at the convention for her birthday. Life hasn't been that great for you either, but a forced meeting on stage changes two worlds. Will you be able to put this broken man back together again...

Series Warings: Cheating, shitty marriage, Danneel is a bitch, I unfortunatly have to put that as a warning because some people tend to get turnt up about it if you don’t... Smut, Crying, Suiside Attempt, brief discription of suicide attempt and recovery, depression, hints of self loathing, language. I think that’s it... Suicide Trigger warnings will be placed over each chapter!

Chapter Warnings: Online bulling, language, insecurities, mean girls. I think that’s about it..

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 1779

A/N: BINGE READ TIME!! As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is gold!! Hope you all enjoy this one!!

Want More? Check out my masterlist!!

****MASTERLIST****

Jensen's POV:

"I can't believe I lost it like that man! What the hell!!" Jensen yelled, throwing his hat across the room, watching as it hit the wall with a limp thump before falling to the floor.

He’d never been so pissed off at himself in his life, the way he ran off stage like that, Y/n probably thinks she did something wrong.

He knew she saw him upset…

He knew she saw him try to hide the fact that I was up there crying like a little bitch...

Maybe that many shots before he got on stage wasn't such a great idea after all...

He was just trying to get numb enough to get through this damn concert without feeling anything. That turned out well didn’t it...

"Dude stop!! You're doing a hell of a lot better than I would be doing. I would have left the convention by now, and would be a blubbering mess somewhere. As far as y/n goes. I think she's fine. I saw her taking selfies with some other fans after the concert was over. Now Richard on the other hand, he saw, he's asking questions. I know you're not ready to talk about all this to everyone, but if you're going to stay at the convention. You're going to have to tell the rest of the cast and crew what the hell is going on with you."

Jensen knew Jared was right, but he couldn’t help the stone face that he gave him as he watched the overly tall man take a swig of his beer.

Even though Jared has the mental maturity of a ten year old, when stuff is going down he usually is right.

As far as Jensen was concerned he was nowhere near ready to talk about what happened between Danneel and himself, everything was still so fresh, so raw, hell it had just happened today!

He knew he couldn’t get into telling people without breaking down, and that was NOT something he was going to do in front of everyone.

It just isn't going to happen...

"I know you're right, but I’m not ready to talk about this with everyone, man it all this just happened less than 12 hours ago! I haven't even had time to process it yet. I'll try, and talk to everyone in the morning if people are asking too many questions. I just can't do it tonight. I'm still a little drunk, I'm exhausted. Probably too damn exhausted to sleep, which means I’ll probably drink myself to sleep…. Don’t look at me like that Jared, I just ….need tonight okay......Put Richard and everyone else off till in the morning if they ask you any questions."

Jared fought the urge to shake his head and roll his eyes, but this was Jensen’s battle, not his, and he had to deal with all of this how he saw best. No matter how much Jared didn’t agree with it..

"Okay I can do that. I told Richard tonight that you would probably tell everyone in the morning what was going on anyway, It was the only way he would let it go. They're worried about you man."

Jensen pushed his hands through his already completely messed up hair, and stood there with his eyes closed, trying his damndest to get a hold of himself. He was tired of crying about this already, and had just happened today, hell it’s not like they were together every day of their marriage, he was practically single anyway… They never even fucking saw each other.. Why did this bother him so much?

"Ugh Jen?" Jared said, sounding almost like a little kid afraid to tell their parents something bad....

"What?"

White hot fear licked at Jensen right up his backbone, it was never good in this industry for someone to use that tone while looking at social media...

"Uh, looks like the video of you and y/n tonight has gone almost viral."

Video of him singing at cons did that all the time so it was no surprise to him that one of him signing with a fan had gotten a lot of attention. So Jensen knew that was just the warm up for the let down, and braced himself…

"Okay, So."

"Well Danneel saw it and, well......"

Jared handed Jensen the phone, and what he saw there made him nauseous, and like he’d been shot in the chest with a 12 gage full of buckshot all at once….

“That bitch..”

............................................................

Your POV:

Walking back through the door of your hotel room you fall face first on the bed.

Exhaustion was a very real thing, but you still had a lot of adrenaline pumping through you, way too much to sleep right now. Your mind racing a thousand miles a second. Analyzing everything that had happened tonight almost to a fault.

Did I dream that or did it really happen?

What's going on with Jensen?

Why was he so upset?

Were Richard and I the only ones that noticed?

Jared obviously saw?

Every time you think about it your skin would tingle where Jensen had touched you. Hell by the time the two of you hand ended the song he was seriously so close for just a moment you thought he was going to kiss you.

Thank God he didn't...

Cause you probably would have passed out in his arms...

Which probably wouldn't have been a bad thing, if you were alone, and not on a stage in front of hundreds of people with cameras and smartphones.

Not cool...

With that thought you picked up your phone, and saw literally hundreds of twitter, facebook, and Instagram notifications on your phone.

Your eyes bulging out of your head as you scrolled through twitter, the video of Jensen and yourself had gone almost viral.

Your head started spinning and you honestly felt like you were going to throw up. Everyone seemed to like it, that wasn't the thing. The SPN fandom was seriously awesome that way, and for the most part everyone supported each other in one way or another...

It was the post from Danneel that shook you from your head to your toes...

"Y/f/n!! Get your ass over here!!" You yelled toward the bathroom where she was brushing her teeth. The room was spinning slightly as you read the tweet over and over again, as if you could make it disappear from the world wide web by sheer willpower...

"What?" She yelled back, running toward the bed, a look of concern on her face.

She knew your tone had changed from joking in the elevator to almost sheer panic.

"What is it?" She asked, taking the phone out of your hand.

"Dang...Poor Jensen!!" She said, staring stocked at the phone. She was staring at the phone in slack jaw shock probably like the rest of the fandom at the moment.. You knew this was just the calm before the storm though, and you were about to be under fire form some of the more hardcore fans in the fandom...

"Well he was having a harder time than what it looks like on the video." You said, she looked at you completely lost. Apparently the audience didn't catch it. A moment ago you would have been relieved, now though you wished they would have just seen him..

Then man was a damn good actor...

"That part in the video that looks like he's kissing my neck….. He wasn't. He had started to cry, and was wiping his face." You mummer, guilt rocking you to your core for agreeing to sing that song with him now that you knew what was going on with him...

"Bullshit!" She yelled. "Why didn't you tell me he was that upset!"

“I thought it wasn't any of our business! What was going on with him was obviously not intended to be a public thing. So I kept my mouth shut out of respect." You shot back.

Looking down at the tweet you still couldn’t believe what you were seeing was really happening..

The tweet was a repost of the video of Jensen and yourself singing. That wasn’t the problem. It was the comment above that made you nauseous.

Well since Jensen seems to have ALREADY moved on to basically screwing fans on a live stage!! Looks like I OWE my fans the explanation! Jensen and I are getting a DIVORCE!!! WE ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER!! I don't know who this girl is, but baby girl RUN!! I PROMISE YOU DON'T WANT THAT!!!

---------------------------------------

A few hours later you found yourself still awake and staring at the ceiling. Sleep wasn’t going to come easy tonight no matter how you sliced it..

You couldn’t believe she did that..

She doesn't even know you!!!

Some fans jumped to your immediate defense, telling her to go screw herself, and that didn’t happen the way the video was making it look, that it was a lot more innocent in person.

Then there were some ‘Jensen always deserved better than you anyways’.

That It was just a performance... Meaning nothing and she needed to get over her high and mighty act...

Jensen was a sweetheart. He was probably totally heartbroken, and she was a bitch...

Then there were some that were attacking you...

"She's just a whore. He'll come crawling back."

"He's a jackass you deserve better."

"She wont even last with him a week."

"She's just a side bitch."

"She's ugly, he downgraded."

"OMG I didn't know Jensen was into fat girls!"

They cut deeper than a stranger's opinion of you probably should have. Especially that last one. You weren't fat by any means, but you also weren't hide stretched over the bones.

You had curves.

Your stomach wasn't perfectly fat.

Your thighs touched together when you walked.

You didn't have a model body, but hell Marline Monroe was fatter than you are!!

You and Jensen we're NOT together in any sense of the word, and by no means was he practically “Screwing you” on stage tonight..

A slight knock on the door disturbed your thoughts, and you looked over to y/f/n.

She was still knocked out.

So you quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen down your face, dragging yourself out of bed. You got up and looked through the peephole in the door, but all you could see was a white t-shirt.

You unlock the door, and peck through the crack to see who was standing there at this hour in the night, and who you saw nearly knocked you on your ass for the second time tonight..

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Tag List: @screechingartisancashbailiff @thecreatiivecorner @aflamboyanceofgays @deanwanddamons @imabitch4jensen @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0 @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278 @alanegaming @magssteenkamp @lemondropirwin @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @spnbaby-67 @mrsjenniferwinchester @defenderrosetyler

Binge Tag: @sarahbaker2010

#jensen ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles series #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen x reader #jensen x you #dark fic #hurt!jensen #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #jawritter

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emerald-studies · 4 years

Text

Diverse Perspectives | Discussion 1

****Whew, Tumblr deleted this entire post that was in my queue, so if there are mistakes in the transcript, sorry. I still highly, highly, suggest you read as you listen. I’ve added resources so you know what we reference in this discussion.*****

[ It is required to participate and watch/read these discussions, in order to follow me. Participate or get tf out. We aren’t performative in my lil’ area on Tumblr.

This discussion isn’t representative of an entire population or meant to be super professional. It’s to share different perspectives and also is an opportunity for me to practice what I preach: intersectionality. If you’d like to participate in this series please send me a pm or an ask and I’ll get back to you ASAP. We can do a written, audio, or video interview.]

To open this series, I interviewed Rachel, (AKA @reality-wont-ruin-my-life / @emmettisapowerbottom) for her perspective as a Jewish woman.

youtube

Transcript:

I recommend you read while you listen, I’ve made some clarifications because my ADD brain is shitty when I try to speak words.

(it has also been slightly edited for clarity)

Faith: OK, thank you for doing this with me, so I just want your perspective because you are a Jewish woman.

Rachel: Yes.

F: And I feel ... we don't talk about anti-Semitism enough in the right spaces.

R: Yeah.

F: I think we talk about it ... in history and then, ... it's not even called...I don't even remember it being called anti-Semitism, it was being ... framed as ... with this thing of the past that is around. So, first question for you is,

Do you believe that by learning about the Holocaust in such an apathetic bland setting, which is a classroom, we are being told anti-Semitism is a thing of the past?

R: Um, I think it has less to do with where we learn, because I do think it's really important to learn about ... the history, but I think the way it's taught is really where the issue comes is that they kind of teach it as this one event that's kind of a standalone thing instead of saying ..., hey, this is a historical pattern. So a lot of people seem to think antisemitism started with the Holocaust when there's thousands of years of history of it before that. And then they think it ended when the US joined the war, which the US didn't even join the war to help the Jews. That's a complete lie. So I think it's important that it's taught. But the way it's taught is, you know, you read The Diary of Anne Frank and you look at a few power points. And everyone stares at the Jewish kid ... us ... to--

F: Omg not to make it about me, but I remember watching ... a Jackie Robinson film and (also) learning about slavery in seventh grade. I was ... the only black person in the room. And they're always ... this *looks behind* it's just ... what? (are you looking at?)

R: I think every kind of minority group has that experience where the class talks about something and just ..., you know, everyone's staring at you.

F: Yeah. So, yeah, I agree with you. ..., context matters and I think ... even the pattern or how even the Holocaust even happened, ... it shouldn’t have happened and we're told we're learning about this, so it doesn't happen again, but what are these teachers telling us? They're not telling us what was the process of basically convincing a whole population that it's OK to kill, mass kill, people? So I feel ... it's not really seen in that context. I mean, at least I went to many different schools and, you know, different history classes. And it never really seemed ... it was deeper, ... it was more of ..., you know, this is your homework is about the Holocaust. It's ... this shouldn't be ... it shouldn't be ... that. I don't know how to explain it ... this is more than just ... a piece of paper that we fill out.

R: Definitely, yeah, I think people kind of get lost in that and think it's just this one unit instead of ..., you know. It decimated ... a third of the world's Jewish population and 90 percent of the Romani population.

F: Yeah, and it, I think that also isn't talked about because I did a whole presentation on, ... the experiments that took place and they took, ...disabled people or differently abled, whatever you prefer...and then I know, ..., multiple minority groups were put in those camps. So I also think it's interesting that I mean, .... I don't know how to explain it, I think by making it just about the Jewish population, it's ... “better” for people. People ... they can put it in a box, right, ... this won't affect me if it happened today. But, you know, if you have a family member that's a part of this group or part of the LGBTQ+ ... they were affected. So it's ... this* isn't just .... A certain people's problem. (*The Holocaust)

R: But at the same time, I feel ... especially when learning about and teachers tend to take her Jewishness out of it so that people can relate to it, ... she was a Jewish woman ......don't.

F: Yeah, it's ... you can humanize someone by just seeing them as human, you don't need to make them ... you don't need to make them fit, you know? Um, do you think the Internet has helped or hurt the Jewish community in terms of information and accessibility to the general public?

R: I say a mix of both because for me personally, ... growing up, I really separated myself from my Judaism at home. I was ..., oh, I don't you know, I think this is something you want to do as kids. It's ... you do your bar mitzvah and then you're just ... gone for awhile and finding ... Jewish people on the Internet really helped me reclaim my connection with my family. And now I study it ... it's my college degree... is Judaic studies and the history. But I've found that it's been really helpful for me finding ... Jewish people on the Internet, but at the same time...... conspiracy theories are a huge thing on the Internet, and so many of them are based on anti Semitism without people even realizing. So I think it's the spread of information and the ability to scapegoat groups from the Internet hurts Jews a lot, but it also really helpful for us in finding community within ... Jewish people.

F: Yeah, ... yeah, I can definitely see that because, I mean, I think that's...I've only ever heard the “pro” of social media is meeting people, like-minded people or different people, which I mean, thank you, Tumblr, because of this... but that's the only pro I've ever heard, is just meeting people. So I just think it's interesting that ..., ... there are all these negative things, you know, ... anti vaxxers..Flat earthers, ... “climate change isn't real”. It's just .... At least we get to meet each other? Look on the bright side, I guess.

R: Oh, yeah. You know, take the good with the bad or whatever. I have, but not to the extent some other people have, because I don't really have ... the stereotypical Jewish, which is ridiculous because you come in every color and everything. And also, I do want to say I don't speak for every Jew, every experience, ... I'm an upper class white woman living in Oregon. So, you know, I have a very different perspective than say and also I'm a certain branch of Judaism citizen. So I have a different perspective from ... a Black Orthodox Jew from New York, it’s going to be a very different lifestyle. So I haven't had death threats anything. I just...a lot of middle school and high school was ... when people would find out I was Jewish. ... Can I say, ... a Holocaust joke.?

F: Ugh

R: No, know, that's ... everyone when you're a kid, that's their first reaction. When you say things ..., oh, now I can make this joke about ovens and ..., please don't do that.

F: Oh, my God, that's so awful. I don't know why they do that.

R: And then all of a choir director once was ..., Oh ... because I got this solo in this piece that was about Anne Frank. She's ..., Oh, yeah, she even looks ... Anne Frank. I was ..., this was on the radio.

F: That's that's not OK. Oh my gosh. It's .... Look, look, she's not ... this, ... she was gorgeous, obviously, I think everyone's gorgeous, but ... she ... I've seen, ..., her eyes on people (edit: I meant she has common features, like everyone else) ... she's not. Yeah, her features are....Oh, my gosh...., it's just because--

R: the things that are considered stereotypical Jewish features are largely Middle Eastern features, ... it's thick hair, ... kind of bushy eyebrows, the nose with the bump, curly, dark, untamed hair.

F: Yeah, and that's just ... such a large (edit: large population), stereotypes are never really accurate. they're based on something dark, ... really dark. It's ... if you actually look into stereotypes on certain groups, it always has a dark origin. So many people have...ugh I’m not just going to even...

*Rachel’s video cuts out*

F: Ok next question:

Why do you think people of color are able to be anti-Semitic or kinda just hold anti Semitic beliefs, consciously or subconsciously?

R: I think a lot of it is the perception that being Jewish is inherently tied to having power, and so a lot of communities look at it as punching up, when that’s not the reality of the situation, so I think when... this goes for every other group I think that because that’s the kinda the stereotypical argument for why people don't like Jews is “Oh, well we control the world so other people were super wealthy we’re super rich so people can say, oh I can hate this group because they’re above me, so I’m punching up.”

F: Mhmmm

R: But you know there are Black Jews, there are disabled Jews, there’s...all these intersections. There’s plenty of poor Jews. So there’s this idea that just because you’re Jewish you’re rich and powerful.

F: Hmm. That’s a really good way to look at that, because you know I kinda do see how that falls into the “Eat the rich” or whatever. Um...and I recently learned, is it true, I probably should’ve researched this before, but is the illuminati Semitic? ... the idea of an illuminati?

R: The concept is, largely because of who they claim are in it. They are largely Jewish people. And also, it’s the same thing with the “lizard conspiracy/the lizard people”, which I was explaining this to my Mom...actually let me find the message...I think his name is David Icke? But he’s the creator of the “lizard conspiracy” and he also is a Holocaust denier who simultaneously believes that Jews funded the Holocaust to get ... attention….

F: *scoffs in disgust and utter confusion*

R: ...and to get people to pity them. And so a lot of people with go after Soros or the Rothschilds and say ... “oh they’re a part of the illuminati, they’re lizard people who are controlling the world.” and so, no, the concept of this elite group that runs the world and many of the people you’re putting in it are Jewish people.

F: Hmmm, oh ok.

R: Also throughout history, this goes way before the Holocaust, this has been going on for 2,000 years but ... Jews have been accused of running the-Jews--with the lizards they’ll say “Oh they’ll eat your kids” or they’ll do this thing. So Jews have been accused of this thing called blood libel, which is ... sacrificing Christian children and drinking their blood. Which never happened, there’s no documented cases of this, but we---there were large mass murders of Jewish people in the middle ages and also for stealing communion wafers. They would say that we would steal them and ...….stab them to ... to try and kill Jesus. Which sounds...... I think when we learned that we all laughed uncomfortably...but no you don’t understand, thousands of Jews were murdered for this….this isn’t a funny thing. And so it's this idea of ... this secret...Jewish society that’s gonna kill your kids, steal all the wealth and even--they’ll try to, David Icke, again, I don’t know if I’m pronouncing his name right, I’m sorry. But--

F: Who cares (if you’re pronouncing his name right) honestly?

R: It’s not anti-Semitic because these Jews who I’m accusing aren’t really human...but yes they are.

F: Yeah

R: These are Jewish people.

F:... any group of people are people...so he’s trying to say Jewish people are alien, so it doesn’t count?

R: Pretty much.

F: *wtf confusion laugh*

R: So I think a lot of times the people who spread the conspiracies don’t know….the prices of it. Once you learn, you dig a little deeper, you can see the issue that comes from it.

F: Do you think um that in that sense that memes can be hurtful--or harmful because of ... you know the illuminati meme. So people don’t know that the concept of the illuminati is essentially anti-Semitic, so do you think ... meme culture is contributing to ignorance?

R: I think yeah to some extent, because when it gets widespread enough you know? It becomes normalized and then when someone tries to speak about it and says, “Hey this thing is problematic” they’ll be ... “Oh no it’s just a joke, you’re taking it too seriously, it has nothing to do with that.” Well, if you look back, ... it does and historically these kinds of “jokes” have led to groups being persecuted. It’s just a matter of if someone tells you something is problematic, don’t brush it off.

F: And I would ... to point out that I made a joke about Mark Zuckerberg being a robot lizard in response to um...him uh trying to buy Native lands and I was like “What?”(when someone said it was Semitic) honestly my brain doesn’t even go to---I don’t research who people are. I don’t know why I didn’t know he was Jewish, I didn’t know. And then I went to I forgot what website I went to, I went through all the stereotypes of Jewish people and I didn’t see anything about “lizard”, but it was ...I was trying to find a way to excuse myself...but if someone tells you its wrong, it’s wrong.

R: And I think it’s about being willing to learn and listen ..., I made those jokes. I didn’t realize until earlier this year what the basis of it all was. So I’ve made plenty of jokes about the illuminati and lizard people….and then started reading things by other Jewish people and I was ... “Oh! I never thought about that.” I didn’t connect the dots and put that all together.

F: Yeah and especially with ... jokes ... they’re so modern, memes are so modern, so when we’re told about anti-semitism being framed as a past thing, we do this. So when we use jokes and stuff--I mean non-Jewish people, I think when we use jokes in general, honestly, about any group, we don’t think “Ok what’s the context of this? What’s the history behind this?” Because---BEYONCE friggin’ singing about the illuminati....

R: *laughs*

F: I mean she was kinda ... dragging it, but the jokes get that big. So I feel ...---I don’t know. I want to publicly apologize for calling Mark Zuckerberg a robot lizard because I thought that was a meme and not based in anti-Semitic language.

R: We’ve all done that so many times.

F: I was talking about how he’s ... a robot and acts weird, so it’s completely on me.

What do you want people to know about your culture?

R: Um, that it’s not a monolith. There’s this ongoing joke in the Jewish community that if you have two Jewish people in a room you’ll have three different opinions.

F: *laughs*

R: So we all practice differently, we all have a different relationship with religion and spirituality and that the big thing is that we’re not this all powerful group. I think it confuses people that Judaism isn’t...first off Judeo-Christian is not real we’re not--Judaism and christianity are very different so I get annoyed when they’re lumped together. “Judeo-Christian values” ... no we have completely different values and beliefs.

F: Yeah

R: I think it really confuses people when I tell them that I don’t believe in God but I still consider myself very Jewish, because it’s so intrinsically tied as this just religious concept but because of the persecution that Jewish communities have faced, it’s taken on this double role as an ethnicity and a religion. So ..., I’m a white person, there’s no way that I’m not white but I’m also a Jewish white person so it's kinda a different path, a different history. And I still have this connection with my Judaism, while at the same time, you know, I haven’t been to synagogue since I was 13, so I don’t believe in higher powers and stuff, at least at this point in my life. That could change, but I think it’s such a part of who we are and there’s that generational trauma that Jews are born with--or at least biological because you’re still just as Jewish if you convert to Judaism, I think there’s also this idea, Oh! My cat just came in...

I think there’s also this idea that when you’re controlling the world you're trying to make everyone like you. But Jews don’t proselytize, Jews aren’t trying to make other people Jewish. Which is very different than the way some other religions operate, where it’s going out and trying to get everyone to agree with you so you can save their soul or whatever...

F: Mhm

R: Also when it comes to--this is less for Judaism, this is for every group, ya know I was talking about um The BLM protests and using dark humor. In my experience at least, I think the groups that are affected can use dark humor about it. So ..., Black people can make jokes about police brutality, I can’t make jokes about police brutality because it’s not affecting me personally, so I feel ... Jewish people, we wanna make Jew jokes between ourselves, that’s fine, but when other people make jokes ... ok now it’s uncomfortable because of that power imbalance, ‘cause you haven’t faced a holocaust or gone through these things I’ve gone through as a Jewish person, and I haven’t gone through these other things. So I think when people make a joke “Oh I have a dark sense of humor, I like to use dark humor to cope” well it’s not ... your trauma to cope with. I think that’s with every group that’s gone through something...there’s certain dark humor that you can’t use.

F: Yeah that’s such a good way to put it because ... you may be coping with other things but it’s not the thing you’re talking about, so why do you need to cope with the jokes about that? I’ve heard, anti-Semitic jokes and I’m ... “What the-” *leans back* from ... non- Jewish people and….who is that for? How is that make you feel better as a human? I was like: “Why are you doing this? Shut up.”

R: Yeah.

F: They know it’s wrong...it’s like the “edgy” 4chan type of thing ... *~I’m so edgy~* No your’e not. Personally, I think you’re weak if you can’t come up with a joke that doesn’t hurt a group of people

R: Oh yeah. Oh and then another thing I’d ... people to realize about Judaism is for one….the issue of Judaism and anti-Semitism is separate from the issue of Israel/Palestine and anti-Zionism and also not every Jew has the same opinion on it and we’re not all experts on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, so you don’t need to derail every discussion with “Oh what are your thoughts on Palestine? Do you support Palestine? Do you support Israel?” Because it’s so separate, and such a complex issue. You know because I was born Jewish doesn’t mean that I automatically have this innate knowledge of the entire conflict. It can kinda be used as a way to derail people when talking about anti-Semitism we face, ya know you’ll--I’ve seen this a lot on TikTok where people will make videos talking about things they face and a lot of the comments are “Free Palestine”...well they didn’t mention Palestine, we don’t know their views on Palestine. Just ‘cause you’re Jewish that doesn’t make you a Zionist, just---I’m sure people who have Palestinian heritage doesn’t make you anti-Zionist, ya know? They're separate issues and people ... to lump them into one…..and if someone says that anti-Zionism is treading into Semitism, then we should listen to them because they’re two separate things and you can protest in Israel and not be falling into anti-Semitic tropes.

F: Right, that’s such a complex subject. I would never ask someone straight up: “Who’s side are you on?!” because it’s so, so complex. I remember I tried to dedicate a whole day to just researching, “Ok what’s going on?” and it’s just ... so much information it’s just hard because I don’t even want to speak on it because it has nothing to do with me, so I was just trying to get--I remember when it was on the news a lot, right? I’m like trying to understand what you guys are saying, so I like to do background researching and oh my gosh, I can’t imagine summing up your opinion in one sentence about that or why you chose this side and not that. It’s so varied.

R: Ya know I’m still learning about it, I don’t know that much about it so ya know when I try to talk about this Jewish thing they’ll be ... “Oh! What are your thoughts on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?” I’m just ... *raises hands up* “I don’t know, I need time to learn more”

F: Yeah it’s like *looks at phone* “hold on a sec (while I research more on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and get back to ya)”

How do you see yourself in your country?

R: Um...it’s complicated because I’m from a privileged family in a privileged area so I know I have intrinsic power in this country, Judaism is easier to hide than other things. You can’t look at me and know I’m Jewish whereas you could look at a Black person and know they’re Black, you could look at a Muslim wearing a headscarf and know they’re Muslim. So it’s much easier to get away with things, I’m not going to be profiled until I open my mouth and say something about my Judaism, but at the same time, there is that fear because we’ve seen it before, Jews in Germany weren’t identifiable by looking at them but it’s on their birth certificate and they started rounding up. So I do get that little pang of panic every time I see “Jewish cemetery desecrated” or “Swastikas drawn on synagogue”...last time I went to synagogue was after the Tree of Life shooting, I went in solidarity and there was ... armed guards outside and it was so scary thinking about “Oh my God there could be a bomb threat, there could be a shooter.” and there’s this idea where I know I have privilege and I know I’m in a position of power but at the same time, ... I know that I have to be ready to flee if something happens, because every few generations of Jews have had to do that, for thousands of years now. So it’s all complex intertwined identity, where-so I call myself “Conditionally white”, I benefit so much from white privilege and everything except my Judaism is white, white, white but then there’s at the same time, I wasn’t considered white under the defining whatever, where you write down your race, in the eyes of the US until ... the 50s. They had white and Jewish as two separate ethnicities or races. It’s such a weird place to be.

F: Yeah and of course, I know you say you are/look white so you have all this privilege and stuff but at the same time, being scared of sharing a part of you that’s...an average white person doesn’t have to be scared of ... saying “Oh I believe this” and then if you feel the fear of sharing that, just in general or fear of a hate crime, that is very valid. And I think sometimes we forget that.

R: It’s interesting sometimes hearing people talk about Judaism. They think of it as this “Oh taking over the world, there’s gotta be a lot of them” it’s ... well, there’s 14 million of us in the world right now, about a third are in Israel, the US has 1.5 million. Compared to that, probably half the world's population is Christian. There's 1 or 2 billion Muslims, we’re a very small group comparatively.

F: I do think the illuminati thing perpetuates that so much, subconsciously or unconsciously….although it’s supposed to be a “smaller group” or whatever but still they make it ... this huge thing kinda framed like Scientology. It’s so weird that people don’t--I’ve heard many Christians claim that “I’m scared to say I’m Christian” and it's just ... that’s so valid for you and I’m not disregarding your experience...the historical context behind it, even people who are Muslim and all these hate crimes...I don’t think I’ve ever seen a hate crime against a Catholic church...

R: Not in a very long time and when it has been, it’s usually between Christian sects.

F: Yeah, that too, infighting. I dunno where I was going with that. *laughs* but I know what you mean by blowing up this population to be a “threat”. I think that happens with any group that someone disagrees with like the “liberals” “antifa” they blow it up to huge populations, ... “Oh my gosh we’re being invaded!” I’m surprised that more people haven’t seen with, you know the steps to genocide, that’s one of the things (steps), it’s making this group of people a “threat” that’s “invading” a space...I’m surprised that people don’t see that about any group but especially about the Jewish community, AGAIN! That’s not the first time! It’s just constant, there’s no breaks!

R: Yeah that’s most of Jewish history since other major religions came in….you know we haven’t been in power since Christianity came in.

What’s the biggest misconception bout your community?

R: Um, I’d say probably getting back to that rich/powerful thing. Just the, ya know that and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict thing. Those are the two things I hear the most and also Holocaust deniers..which I don’t know why there are so many but there are like or the people who say “Oh yeah it happened but it’s not as bad as they make it seem.”.

F: Sooo stupid. I just can’t imagine denying any sort of crime against humanity, .. I can’t even talk about it, it makes me so pissed.

Do you feel like there is adequate representation of your community in the media?

R: Um I think we definitely have more representation than other groups...but I find it to be kind of more one track or stereotypical so it doesn’t show ... the breadth of the Jewish community. The only show about Jews is Unorthodox and that kinda portrays Orthodox Judaism in a not great light. But I think there’s a lot more Jewish….you know they used to say “Jews control Hollywood” because a lot of actors and directors were Jewish and it’s ... “Well, maybe we’re just creative?”

F: *laughing*

R: So theres a lot of famous Jews and I guess a lot of Hollywood producers are Jewish but I think when it comes to actual characters, we don’t see practicing Jews that aren’t relying on stereotypes. But I don’t think the media is particularly targeted harmful to Jews the way it’s targeted other communities.

F: What do you think about the movies about the Holocaust that come out every year? And I’m not saying anything against them, I’m just curious what your take on that is because it’s interesting that I see a lot of these movies come out right? But in school it’s a day lesson, but the media keeps on talking about it. Do you appreciate that? Do you wish the content was better?

*both laugh*

R: I think some are better done than others. I prefer, my area of study is the Holocaust, so I have to submerse myself in all that stuff because that’s what my thesis is going to be on, it’s frustrating sometimes to see the fictionalized stories pushed over the real ones, especially the ones that have Christian charac---Boy in the Striped Pajamas made sob when I first watched it. Then I watched it again and I realized you’re only side because the little Christian kid dies.

F: *gasps in awe/mind blown* Ugh you gotta put that somewhere and share it because that’s such a good point!

R: And then there's, there was drama about some of the Holocaust books and they were ... hey “this isn’t a real story this didn’t happen but your pushing it as a real story”. So I….there’s so many real life tragedies that sometimes it seems a little weird that you create your fake characters about it. But at the same time, I do enjoy Holocaust movies ... I do consume content but there does seem ... a weird disproportionate obsession with it. I’ve said this to my family, I don’t really trust non-Jews who are super into WW2. ... there’s something about it, why are you so into it? “... I think it’s cool how that could happen, it’s cool to think about how….” I don’t really trust your motives, there’s something off to me. I think when it’s their personality is ... WW2! Holocaust!...Why are you so invested in this?

F: Oh my gosh yeah. Do you think there could be more movies about real people in real stories? ... I’ll look at “Is this movie true” (On google) ... The Boy in the Striped Pajamas So (I looked up) “Is this true” and it said, “Ummm no.” and it’s like... OK but wouldn’t it be more impactful to have real stories that are told?

R: I think so to some extent but I also don’t think they should do it without permission and sometimes there isn’t someone’s permission to ask.

F: Right.

R: But you don’t want those stories to die, you know if there’s a family left and this story is important and you don’t want it to get lost in the books but you know, so much has already been taken from the Jewish community...you have to weigh whether or not it’s worth it to contribute to that to get a story out there.

Do you think some directors and writers choose to make a story about the Holocaust as Oscar bait?

R: Probably. I think tragedies tend to do well in the awards circuit and I think tragedies about white people especially tend to do well. So I think if you...have this event, something that everyone knows about, everyone knows about the Holocaust, and they go “Ok well they’re not going to turn down this story about this kid in the Holocaust”. I don’t know every director's intention, there could be some who want to get the story out there. But I do think it’s easier to get something about a major historical event.

Do you feel that Jewish people are put in a box, only being seen as victims?

R: I’d say it’s usually the opposite. I’d feel ... both sides of the political spectrum put Jewish people in this box of “oppressor”.

F: Mhmmm

R: You see it because it’s one of those groups that gets hit on both sides. Where ... a lot of people say “Oh yeah well in the Holocaust you were all the victims.” which doesn’t annoy me because you’ll see these people say “They just willingly got on the carts to drive to camps and no one fought back.” well, no there were militias there were uprisings. They weren't just happily getting on these buses and not fighting for their lives. So I do think there’s a lot of victimization when it comes to the Holocaust, but a lot of people say “That was in the past, now no one’s attacking the Jews, no one’s doing anything so they’re taking advantage of us”. So I think in a historical context Jews are placed in a box of victimhood but in a modern context, it’s flipped.

F: Hm. How do you see left v. right, can you explain how you’ve seen each group take hits at the Jewish community?

R: Yeah

F: Kinda ... just a few points for people to watch and look out for?

R: The right is pretty much what you’d expect, neo-Nazis, swastikas, SS tattoos which is not fun, I don’t like seeing those. You see these white supremacists and I think on the left, they think all the Jews in that group are included in the white supremacy, when we’re explicitly excluded, we are not considered white by white supremacist standards. But you see the left use Steven Miller and Jared Kushner who, you know, they’re Jewish, they’re also terrible people but they happen to be Jewish...and them being terrible doesn't make them not Jewish but you see people like that...from the left we see a lot more of the anti-semitism coming out kinda disguised by anti-Zionism.

F: Mhmm

R: Again, I think there are perfectly valid reasons to be anti-Zionist. Another issue I have that the left like to do, which sometimes is valid and sometimes isn’t, is comparing things to the Holocaust.

F: Mhmm

R: Sometimes I think that’s…..can compare something, especially if Jewish people are saying that “Hey, these are things that we were seeing happening in Nazi Germany that we’re seeing now.” I remember getting really upset when I was seeing vegans compare animal farming to the Holocaust and ... yeah I have a lot of issues with the meat industry but don’t conflate those two things ‘cause its basically saying Jewish people are cattle. That’s how it comes out to the Jewish people.

F: Yeah I just looked up, I just wanted to make sure, yeah I have definitely heard that in the vegan community and it does bother me, um...I um feel like genocide is a better way to put it because it’s a mass killing of a population, the Holocaust-

R: Yeah the Holocaust is tied to a specific event.

F: Yeah, so I have also seen a video of a Holocaust survivor who went vegan, who compared it to the Holocaust, but I think that is his right.

R: Yeah when you are affected. If someone is from a group and critiquing a way a group is handling something, ok I’ll listen to your side of this but when it’s an outsider, I’m not sure you have a say in that.

F: No, and even the way the Holocaust happened, the steps to the Holocaust didn’t happen to animals, the animals weren’t stereotyped, they weren’t vilified. I don’t think it’s accurate.

R: At the same time I don’t think it’s just comparing everything to the Holocaust, just listen to Jewish people when we start saying, “Hey, this is looking eerily similar.”. I remember in 2015/16 I remember saying, “Hey when you look at his platform,” I’m sure we all know who he is--

*laughs*

R: “he has pretty much the textbook definition of fascism.” “Oh no, he doesn’t have this one step, it’s fine.” And then he’ll pass that step and it’s like, “Hey guys, I told you we’ve seen this before….these are the 14 steps and we’re at like 12 now.”

F: Yeah and you’ve studied it so you’d think that people would listen to you.

R: Yeah I started learning about the Holocaust, probably ... first grade in Hebrew school. Ya know ... I’ve seen all these pict---also if people could not just share these Holocaust pictures, constantly without any warning, ... those are photos that are traumatic to a lot of us. Now, I’m used to seeing them again because it’s what I study but you see people, they’ll share things, when they’re comparing to the Holocaust, they’ll put like a Holocaust photo...you know those are people ... that I know. Those are my Grandparent’s friends, those are the parents of one of my teachers. I feel like people forget, they lump it into the numbers “Oh yeah 6 million Jews died”, but yeah each of those 6 million was a person. So when you post a photos, piles of dead bodies, those are people.

F: I don’t agree with that either, even our presentations we would do about the Holocaust, it didn’t feel right seeing these people put behind a title.

R: I feel like people get swept up by the numbers that they forget it’s people. It’s real people who went through this. And it’s sad because we’re getting to that time because the last of the Holocaust survivors are reaching the end of their lifespan, so it’s gonna be harder and harder to have people come in and tell you firsthand, which helps to humanize it.

F: Yeah and especially the deniers, what going to happen when these people--and thank goodness they survived, hopefully they have a peaceful passing, but once they’re gone they’re going to be like “Oh no one has been there….”

R: So another thing, I went to a racist white high school. We had a lot of issues, we had 3 Black people at my school and we had issues with graffiti slurs against the Black people, so they brought in a Holocaust survivor to talk about tolerance, but it was very propaganda. So this Holocaust survivor came in and talked about how they befriended one of the nazi guards and I was like “This is not the story that we need to be sharing…

F: Wh-what?

R:... this nazi guard and this Jewish person became friend like that’s not how it is for the 99.9% of them. Don’t use it as your propaganda for tolerance saying “Yeah the victims and the ones who are hurting them should just like this person should just forget about what happened to them and just be friends with them.” So I think it’s just used as propaganda a lot instead of letting it stand as the story it is.

F: Or even “taking the high road”. Just like pretending you love everybody, “I love the people who did this to my family, my community”

R: It makes the people who don’t (take the high road) seem like they’re being irrational...hey I don’t like Nazis, I support punching Nazis then like “Hey you need to preach tolerance.” no they murdered people I know.

F: Yeah I’ve even, I’ve only seen one Nazi-Nazi in Nevada in person, it’s just ......he was wearing a Deutschland shirt, it’s just so crazy how--I made a post about this, and he just looked so weak, that always stuck with me. He looked so weak and insecure, and I’m like you should feel that way because there are so many groups of people who are stronger with their bonds with each other, like the Jewish community or any community, that you should feel weak because you just want to be an angsty little white boy. Side note: he looked me in the eyes and I looked at him back and he left. So….

*laughs*

F: That was only a fraction of what you feel. I feel ... we’re so desensitized to swastikas, I mean I haven’t seen one as graffiti, but the image, I feel we are too desensitized to that.

R: Oh yeah I get frustrated with people who say “We need to reclaim the swastika”.

F: *Laughs* “Noo”

R: I get you wanna reclaim if but it’s too far gone. It’s traumatizing for the Jewish community, I get it used to be the symbol of peace…

F: Right

R: But it’s just not what that is anymore.

F: I mean that’s why it was taken, I’m sure you’ve studied this, but that’s why Hitler got people to jump on board because it’s this pretty picture of this “peaceful future”. So taking it back would almost be like...that’s where it started and look at where we are...

R: I personally haven’t come across Jews who want to reclaim it, it’s non-Jews. And there might be Jews who want to, I don’t know every Jew on Earth but the ones I’ve interacted with are all uncomfortable seeing swastikas. And you know when I see those photos of swastikas on this Jewish cemetery destroying the grave, it’s ... I can’t help picture that with my Grandparent’s graves, ... oh what if this was where my family was buried.

F: Yeah in my hometown there was a lot of that going around, just everywhere, it’s just disgusting. The fact that non-Jewish people suggested reclaiming that? That’s just disgusting and inappropriate. You don’t have a right to-- for anyone watching, you don’t have a right to go up to a Jewish person and say “No but I wanna do this” no, that’s not right, if it doesn’t apply to you, don’t speak on it. Or try to reclaim anything. I’m done with reclaiming things. When you said “non-Jewish people” I thought that you were talking about your Jewish friends who thought “You know maybe we could take it back…”

R: No.

F: Deadass

R: No all the Jewish people I know don’t like seeing swastikas and have no interest in seeing them in our lives.

F: Like understandably, it’s not even crazy! I wouldn’t. Ugh.

What would you like to see more of from allies?

R: Um, I think more listening, I like this kind of stuff, just having a conversation. Just not speaking for us and just amplifying our voices. And again, not conflating Judaism and Christianity. Not being like “Oh our Judeo-Christian values” Jews aren’t good because they’re related to this Christian thing, no it’s our own thing, it’s very different religion. And even if what the Jewish person is saying something you don’t agree with, just listen at least and say your side, you know we’re not a monolith. We aren’t one person with one mind. We aren’t going to agree on everything, and you know if someone said that something you said was anti-Semitic, don’t get defensive, let them explain why and try and be better. Because we’re not going around saying every single thing is anti-Semitic.

F: Of course, you have a reason

R: Call out celebrities when they promote dangerous things.

F: Yeah like dangerous ideas. I would like to personally work on what things are inherently anti-Semitic and have been popularized so I know and can share that info.

R: And also for the stuff I’ve seen recently, when people seem to be calling out anti-Semitism they call it out a lot more strongly with Black people and that’s a problem. Black people can be anti-Semitic, we saw that with Nick Canon, we saw that with Luis Farakesh, (Edit: She meant Louis Farrakhan)

F: Ice cube

R: We’ve seen Black celebrities say anti-Semitic things and also white celebrities so don’t just call it out when it’s just Black people. I’ve been following some Black dudes on twitter who are saying “Hey this makes me really uncomfortable. Why are you going so hard against this person and not against this person?”

F: Yeah I guess I never thought about that with the Nick Canon thing. That was a mess.

R: Yeah and what he said was completely wrong.

F: I heard so many different versions of what he said, ... “Black people are beautiful” but wait no that’s not what he said

*laughs*

F: I do think um my question about POC people being anti-Semitic was based on Ice Cube, honestly. That shocked me, I was shocked, my jaw fell when he posted an anti-semitic image, not a swastika. How can you want support and then do this? So...

R: I think it’s the idea that they’re punching up.

F: Yeah, I’m glad you mentioned looking for how people react to a POC being anti-Semitic V. a white person because I can’t even recall the last time I heard a white person like be called out, or dragged/cancelled as much as Nick Canon.

R: Yeah you’ll see it with the right-wing politicians, they’ll get called out, but you don’t see it from the moderates or left wing celebrities, even though they’re also out there saying things.

F: Like anyone can be anti-Semitic anyone can be racist and I think that’s why I want to share your perspective to help a little bit, because even your friends and family can be saying stuff like this, it’s important to not let it slip through (and think) “Oh they didn’t mean that”...address it. I hope this helps in some way. Thanks for letting me interview you

R: Thanks for wanting to interview me.

F: No problem. I’m gonna stop this and then we can talk a lil’ privately. Byeeee

R: Bye.

Let’s have a discussion! Did you learn anything new from this conversation?

Let me know here.

To close out each post, I’d like to write a lil’ paragraph about the person I talk with:

Rachel is kind and expresses her thoughts skillfully. Her resilience is deeply apparent because she’s able to study the horrific history of her people and still stay sane. That is a feat I could never, ever, live up to. Reliving pain takes such a huge amount of strength and power. Rachel’s kind words (and others’ from in the egg gang ;) ) really helped me when I was in a dark spot. I’m blessed that you took the time to talk with my wacky self. I hope we continue to be friends and I also hope you know that I’m always here for you, Rachel, as you were there for me.

You are a treasure.

-Faithxx

#intersectionality #jewish community #discussionswithfaith #twilight

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zeynepbal · 3 years

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Started cleaning home like 3.30 in the morning, after I woke up to a continuing talk with a friend on whatsapp at 3 am.

While tidying and cleaning the house I was thinking may be I was a bit harsh on him because after all he did not say anything bad and all he thinks is my good will - yet now after thinking an hour while tidying the house I am pretty sure it is not good for me

Society is a strange concept. You can never stay all free unless you go and start a life by yourself in the jungle. Otherwise you always have to be a part of it - even when you dont think so. My dad my mom always and still making me erase some posts which I think they are mostly right about their criticism because they are the only people may be who truely knows my way of thinking yet there is one more thing they know : how others may think and can understand my thoughts in a different way.I can clearly and confidently say that being a parent of mine should be really tiring. Dealing with a “child” for 37 years who mostly has a different point of view than the society.

Same is valid for my friends. I do think that it should be really haed to deal with me. When you make a dirty joke to your friend and when she does not get it constantly should be annoying. And think that when she gets it she just scolds you for being childish.

I dont understand how people connect certain images with certain situations. Kissing a cat video might be found “sexy” by people or wearing a short skirt can be thought as trying to be alluring. Throwing a birthday party for a friend could be understood as trying to steal him from his wife for example. Or I dont know how but being good friends with a male friend and telling here and there that you missed him can be seen as you two have something special. Or hugging a person can be misread as having something between.

I find these thoughts always so “not understandable”. I do like implies and I use them a lot only when I am broken or only when I have to tell some one to do sth or only when I need to reject someone. Because I dont like to hurt anyone yet I dont understand how people can think you imply something when you say you miss some one or love some one or like someone. These words are good words. These are full of emotion words. However howcome in the end all are connected to romantic relations I don get - even while writing here as “romantic relations” I struggled because a person can love a tree and it may be romantic in a way yet it is not the way generally people understands. I remember one certain memory: my mom telling my ex fiancée that I might write a poem for a freaking chair as if it is a person which does not mean that I am in love with anyone.

And now yeah we are there.. Lets return the beginning of this page. Yeah I was harsh on a friend and thought a lot during cleaning the home. Why I was harsh was because he thinks that I need someone in my life - which I surely dont think so , decided this morning. As I wrote him “ I do make talks about relationships, I do behave as if I am interested but I am not. I do have these “fake” standing because of my age. Because when I behave as if true myself people find it fake because up to society a 37 year old woman should be interested in the stuff like this. So they do not accept I dont give a damn heck about these talks.” And this is why I always act as if. Today I just though how unhappy I was when I was about to get married at the age of 26-27, was waking up in the middle of the night and thinking how I truely did not wanna get married : and it was the society in the first place making me say “yes” to a person that I did not wanna get married because up to society a woman should do this do that etc etc etc.

And now it is an another phase: the phase that in order not to be misunderstood or labelled I have to act as if I am interested in some men otherwise people or their girlfriends see you as a threat as if their husbands or boy friends are made up of gold and you are hitting on them. Hello! I am not interested. So first in order to stop these gossips about you you should behave as if you are interested in someone otherwise people dont get you may not be interested in anyone. I dont understand why it should be black and white in every situation and dont get why people are so blind to gray. Another point is in order people not to misunderstand your gender you have to show your interest to men. I dont care if they think I am not straight or so but they talk. They talk a lot. And in year 2021 people still think being a gay is something funny and not normal. I pity these people yet I am straight and it is the same rudeness calling a gay as straight when you call a straight person as a gay. So in order not to be misunderstood I do have to make “men” talk on social media or in my life because people dont get “how come you dont?! At a 37 person howcome you cant have any specific point on men you find sexy?! How come you cant have a type?! Oh come on you are lying!!” I actually dont lie yet in order to deal with these situations I learnt to lie. As I told my friend this morning “I seriously do some talks because otherwise is impossible for people and I just dont wanna deal with them”

And this is actually how society puts a pressure on you without knowing. Lots of friends trying to make me up with some one: and my honest opinion this is so “waste of time” meeting with someone for a date. I mean isnt it? You both know that you meet on a specific purpose to understand if you are compatible or not and to me being compatible doesnt mean “love”. They find me rude when I say “no” to these date offers or imply that I am not interested because to them we would be very good or they are wanting my goodness which I reject. And what they dont understand within all these years is, ME. How I see the things. I like things being in their natural way. If I ll have a relationship it should happen in a natural way. I should fall in love for example. But no! For the society as a 37 year old (up to them beautiful) woman should not be alone or if she is alone there should be something wrong with her. And may be something wrong with me because I do care about emotions rather than “shoulds”

So as a result today I decided that I wont be making the same mistake as I did years ago : letting the society shape me and letting myself go with the flow and I was about to get married with a man I did not love just because it was expected by my friends or the people around me. Today I remembered how down I was feeling on those days and I dont wanna feel like that again. I do want a child yes. And there are other ways to “get” one like stealing some other people’ child (lol jk ofc).

Oh just an another point. I am never the kind of person who is able to show her feelings to the guy she likes (became a big problem in one of my relationships because he was always questioning that I am very physical and touchy to everyone yet not to him. And yeah! If I am hugging you or touching you this means my flirting probabilty with you is 0%) yet I found something I find irritating is “although I like the man doing the first second third…10th move until I understand he is interested, I seriously turn off when he gets harsh on me and openly shows his interest” this is the thing I can say “weird” about myself,for example because this is “weird”.

But the other stuff, I dont think that the way of thinking I have is weird. I dont think having no interest in speaking about relationships, not wanting to listen your “bed time sexual problems or stories” with your husbands/wives or lovers is weird. Because it is not my business but when I say this you call me either rude or weird. So I tried to act in a way you wanted and faked a lot which made me exhausted and today I just bursted as “E NOUGH!”. Because the more I try to fake in a way society wants me to, the more weird my behaviors become.

So I wont be doing any more. This is me. I wont act as the society wants me to act. Do think I have issues because I am not interested in the “make up” dates you arranged? Then I have issues, your opinion. Do you think I am in love with someone just because I told I love him? Then I am in love, your opinion. Do you think I am hitting on you because I asked to meet for a drink? Then I am hitting on you, your opinion. None are the thoughts or feelings of mine. I remember a talk with marcos. He asked me “you use the word love for everything. It is open to misunderstandings” and I told him “for you. You k ow me now and you know I dont use that word as many people may understand”. Same here. When I say I miss a friend and wish him or her here with me etc doesnt mean that I love/loved him or her in a way you think.

#age #dates #relationships

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