#so now my eyes still hurt?? its been over 12 hours wtf

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

🪤

#my head hurts so bad rn #well my eyes #we went out to eat yesterday and the restaurant had these lights strung up on the windows and they were flashing #but not like holiday lights sometimes do it was like a strobe light type effect?? #i spent the entire time w my head down and i couldnt even finish my food #so now my eyes still hurt?? its been over 12 hours wtf #that shit fucked me up fr ugh #and i already ate my leftovers so idk guess i'll just wait it out #ignore me

[akakeiiji]

sjfksks omg, i was the one who sent the shy-around-his-crush!akaashi hc and i just wanted to say THAT YOUR LITTLE IMAGINE WAS TOO CUTE! ugh, my heart, i can’t handle it 🥺😩 if it’s possible can you make that like a hc or a little drabble? like you portrayed my bby so well, now i can’t help it but want more! anyways, I hope you have an amazing day, lots of love! 😚

NONNIE I LITERALLY CAN’T FIND THE POST THAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT BWEBVUEBE I’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR HALF AN HOUR NOW WTF!! But I still vaguely remember the prompt so some things may be different from the original imagine

-`,✎ Akaashi being shy around his crush

Out of all the things Akaashi could use to summarize his current predicament, the only thing that came to mind was a cliche pop culture reference; Everyone has their own kryptonite. Their own weakness. The one thing in the world that could make them crumble and fall.

Naturally, one would want to avoid said kryptonite at all cause, stay away from it, run from it but as much as Akaashi tries to do just that, he always finds himself running back to you.

How many times has he tried distancing himself from you now? Three, four times? Regardless, it always ended the same: with you slithering back into his life like a snake catching its prey in its grips. Except Akaashi was always willing and never fought back to your advances.

How could he though? How could he insist to be apart from you? Apart from your smile that never fails to make him do the same, your laugh that sends jolts of electricity through his skin when he hears it, your very existence that seems to bring so much warmth and light into his day.

Nothing has been able to penetrate through his core so violently and suddenly as you have, you crumble his defenses, and tear down walls he’s so expertly put up over the years.

There was no doubt about it: You were his weakness. You were his kryptonite.

Your effect on him was instantaneous. When you were near, all the calmness and passiveness Akaashi was known for would suddenly dissipate into thin air.

Whenever you spoke to him—or merely smiled at his general direction—it would be as if the torrent of thoughts that always rushed through his mind would still and be replaced with an overwhelming rush of panic and disorder. His stoic facade would crumble; he’d stammer and blabber, he’d turn red, cheeks burning the longer he stayed near you and your bright disposition, and his heart would hammer against his chest so violently it would almost overpower the sound of your voice.

He hated the feeling so much, hated the way you made him feel this way. But he still craved your attention, to be near you.

At first, he resented you for it. How could you have such an effect on him? How could you render him a fool, a pre-pubescent teenage boy once more? He avoided you, stayed away from you any chance he could hoping and praying that some time apart could bring him back to his senses, anchor him back down, but instead the feeling of wanting to be with you only intensified the longer he was away from you until it was the only thing left on his mind.

That was when Akaashi realized why this was happening, he was honestly embarrassed with himself for not realizing it sooner since it was as clear as day; he was hopelessly and madly in love with you.

He sighed slightly as he tore his head away from the window next to him and directed his gaze back on their teacher who was explaining something that Akaashi did not understand in the slightest. This was another reason why his feelings for you were so cumbersome, they distracted him during times he was meant to be focused; when he’s in class or in training, and even when he’s trying to sleep, you’d just pop up in his head and he’s suddenly off in some faraway place in his mind.

He tried not to, he really did, but he gave in to the little devil on his shoulder and turned his head towards you. You were seated a few desks away from him but you were close enough that he could see the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled or hear your laugh when you found something funny.

You were slouching down on your desk, scrunching your eyebrows at the writing on the board as you scribbled them down on your notebook. You were doing that thing where you bite the insides of your cheek when you were confused.

Akaashi’s own pen stilled, his hand stopping as he was jotting down notes in hopes that he can make some sense of the lesson once he gets back home. As usual, he lost himself in his own thoughts, thoughts that were about you as they always have been these days.

His mind wandered to ways he could possibly spend more time with you. Perhaps he could offer to tutor you on the lesson if you didn't understand it—no that wouldn’t work, he could barely understand it himself. If he just had the guts to actually confess to you then maybe he wouldn’t have to think up elaborate plans to spend even just an hour with you.

And besides, even if he were blessed enough to be granted that, he’d probably spend the entirety of the time with you behaving like a fool; unable to utter a word, make eye contact, or make his blushing cheeks fade.

He closed his eyes as one of his intrusive embarrassing memories surfaced in his mind—it was when you passed by the gym while he was training causing him to set the ball in the opposite direction from Konoha, subsequently hitting their coach in the face, Bokuto laughed for so long he almost passed out.

When he removed his hands from his eyes and he was surprised to see your own staring back at him.

He froze like a deer in headlights, shoulders stiffening and lips parting in shock. You smiled at him and he swears his heart skipped a beat.

You pointed at your teacher who was writing down details for a project on the board. It was by pair.

Do you want to be partners? You mouthed at him as you gestured towards the both of you.

His mind blanked, how utterly typical of him. He weighed his options: partner up with you and risk exposing his feelings and embarrassing himself, but be able to be with you? Or run away like a coward?

As much as his mind was screaming for him to refuse, not to give in to this offer, as tempting as it, was because he knew for a fact that he’d just fall even deeper the more he’s around you, your pleading eyes were far stronger than his common sense.

Who even listens to their common sense these days anyway? Definitely not Akaashi because he nodded after a few seconds, making you break into an even wider grin that may or may not have made the second year choke on his saliva.

That night as he struggled to understand his lesson from earlier, his phone chimed loudly tearing his attention away from his incomplete notes. He grabbed the device and was met with a text notification from you.

Hey! Are you free tomorrow?

I was thinking that we could meet up and discuss the project! We can get some lunch somewhere too if you want

Akaashi reread your text for the dozenth time now. He pondered before typing out a response that wasn’t too eager but not aloof as well.

That’s a good idea, I’m free tomorrow

And I wouldn’t say no to lunch 

You replied right away.

Great! Let’s meet at the school at 12

The typing symbol appeared and disappeared a few times after that and Akaashi waited in anticipation before you sent:

Consider it a date hehe

He only realized then that he was grinning the entire time, his face warm and cheeks hurting from how much he was smiling. He dropped his phone on his desk and covered his face with his hands in silent glee.

You were definitely going to be the end of him but he wasn’t really complaining now that he thought about it.

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #akaashi keiji #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu drabble #haikyuu writing #akaashi fluff #haikyuu reader insert #hq x reader #hq imagines #hq oneshot #hq reader insert #keiji akaashi #keiji akaashi x reader #haikyuu scenarios #hq scenarios #hq!! #akaashi keiji scenarios #akaashi keiji oneshot #haikyuu fanfiction #akaashi keiji imagine

[diangeloyoyok]

my review on pjo movies

first up with have The Lighting Thief obviously

 Poseidon’s entrance lowkey kinda fire but high key weird

‘it’s been many years’ didn’t y’all just have that winter solstice party together ???

‘if your son if the thief i will send him to the pits of tartarus’ ouch that hurt ngl

logan lerman 🥺

he would’ve been such a good percy if they did the movies when he was younger IDC IDC IDC

i stan black grover and just grover overall

i wish we got to see my bitch nancy

sally and percy sallY AND PERCY SALLY AND PERCY SALLY AND PERCY

gabe to me is just *hmm* perfect in this movie, he’s not as mean in the movies but he’s still an asshole ehehehe

i love Chiron actor i think it’s very accurate

also wtf chiron is bros with the big three lols 😹

y’all know jenna davis?- that’s who the girl who plays ms dodd’s looks like

so they just gonna ignore him and tak ab him while he’s RIGJT. THERE.

‘This is a pen. This is a pen.’

‘Are you guys crazy? This is a pen man!’

the scene with gabe makes me uncomfy bc percy says in the book gabe never hits percy in front of sally but ok 😗✌️

leaving percy was the *mOST* difficult thing poseidon *the GOD of water* has ever done wow percy is that cool

‘You’re half donkey?!”

i am da wittlest minotaur 😳✨🙈

such a subtle entrance to the camp love it

why y’all give percy the pen before he supposed to be a badass and rip the horn off wjth his hands but ig

wait so in this dumbass movie percy doesn’t even do anything to get the horn goodbye

i’m still very pissed that they took the scene of annabeth sayjng ‘you drool when you sleep’ but it’s fine i’m NOT fine

why is no one wearing camp shirts 🤬

they may be wrong but i didnt know it was ‘brUnner’ not ‘brUNner’

it’s kinda cute how when percy first sees annabeth he’s like ‘ooouuu who’s that name now 😌😏”

brown haired blue eyed looking ass BITCH

‘A real horses ass’ laughed a LITTLE

so the poseidon cabin is just *THAT* open poor percy no privacy

oh wait wth they already know his daddy poseidon 🤨

like everyone just knew ????

when did percy get new clothes the fuck

why did everyone laugh and shake their heads when chiron introduced percy what whores

omg luke 🥺

i know everyone knows this but it’s *SOOOOOOOOO* unrealistic annabeth and luke aren’t on the same team. like i’m pretty sure in the first book annabeth said they had a permanent allies type thing with the hermes cabin

‘that’s a sword! that’s a sword’ aw baby luke why’d you have to be evil 🙁🤚

where the FUCK did that bitch tryna be annabae come from

she realky said ‘i love trees🌲☺️❤️’

why does annabeth act like clarisse during capture the flag

also the fuCK WHERE MY BABY CLARISSE

why are there like actual 30 yr olds at camp

luke was so excited when he saw percy get up he said ‘omg no way✨’

so suddenly percy just knows sword play 😀

and deFEATS ANNABETH WE ALL KNOW HE CANT EVEN DO THAT NOW

y’all red heads a bunch of babies

i already know it’s coming

shit no

i hate it

i hate it so much

already ew’d out

‘i definitely have strong feelings for you, i just haven’t decided if they’re positive or negative yet.’

‘well you let me know when you figure it out’

‘you’ll be the first’

why they just drinking nectar for fun?? like bruh you tryna die or sum

after that i can’t watch anymore tonight

it’s been like 3 weeks but let’s not talk about that

i’m not even gonna comment on the campfire scene anymore my god

i like how in movies everyone is like “omg the underworld so scary percy you can’t go that’s so dangerous you will DIE”

and in the books they’re like “yeah it’s dangerous but whateva you 12 yr olds have fun down there bring me a souvenir!!”

why does luke have?? video?? games?? in?? his?? cabin??

WAIT LIKE A WHOLE ASS TECHNOLOGY SETUP WHAT

why is luke the only one in his cabin like where’s the stolls and chris 😳

you mean to tell me luke broke into hermes house just for like funzies and to steal shit?

sounds like travis and connor but ok✨

what the fuck even is the whole pearl plot

i don’t even wanna talk about the medusa scene

percy has an ipod 🤡

“i’ve only been in the outside world a few times” did you fucking practice driving those few times or WHAT

if percy could actually heal people with water wowie imagine how useful

why did percy bring swimming trunks on a quest

can this brown haired bitch shut up already

sally never took gabes last name excuse you 🤣

ofc it’s fucking fox news giving us that bullshit info on sally

they in nashville wee-doggie 🤠

‘hey it’s your mom’ obviously dumbass she has eyes

so they hid in the potty room for like 5 hours? huh

yeah let’s jus facetime lukey real quick 🥰

silly boy percy

“how flipping awesome was that”

does percy even know he can bend water in the first book

that’s gonna be an unexplainable statue for the workers tmrw

lotus hotel baby

the only reason this movie is watchable

vegas be lookin kinda fresh i wannna go

i wanna stay at the lotus hotel this place looks sick asf

lotus flower treats yummy yum

here comes gaga 😮

why they laugjing so much

wonder if nico likes gaga

imagine like 10 yr old nico just straight vibing there

grover pulling out the dance movies yessir 🤩

“no❤️ percy don’t eat the flower”

why didn’t percy just like grab the flowers and throw them

OOOO KESHA WE LOVE TO SEE IT

TIKTOK ON THE CLOCK BUT THE PARTY DONT STOP NOW WOAHWOAHWOAH

i’m bored ✨

ooo skeletons

charon my queen 👑🥳

“we drowned in a bathtub, all three of us” 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

i wish that was in the movie

i wish a lot of things were in the movie hit that is high

we’re in the same boat in the very same boat

how do you get seasick in an elevator- BOAT?

the way to the underworld is over the styx it’s a river

i know, you show off chicks

sexist much? go make a splash

i’ll splash you

it’s like watching titian’s clash, they’ll kill each other it they’ll kiss if we’re lucky they’ll end up in an abyss

um

anyways✨

hades do be looking kinda cool tho

that’s a cool ring you got there hades

omg mommy sally 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

how did percy not notice the lightening bolt in the damn shield befORE???

“it’s luke shield he betrayed us”

damn she switched sides real fast

this phoney bitch why does she want power and a war sis go plant shit

i refuse to believe hades is abusive sorry sis you ain’t fooling me

god where’s Juniper when you need her

so no fight between percy and aries 🤡

instead we have lukey pukey

omh he’s the lightening thief i did not see that coming ong 😳

^^ me on twitter after it’s revealed on the percy jackson tv show

can this luke character chile

percy pulled a harry styles and said “i’m falling” 😔

i’m thE SON OF POSEIDON I NEVER ASKED TO BE BUT IM THE SON OF POSEIDON

“yeah, i think i am the son of poseidon”

okay 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

omG i goT bUtTerFliEs

how does s-dog jusy know how to get to olympus did y’all get freaky up there or

that’s actually kinda how i imagine olympus looking so

i guess

good job

maybe

what is this ant man why they so small

“i have no connection to poseidon”

p-dog looked kinda hurted 😳

as if zeus would ever compliment percy

has athena ever told annabeth *or any of her kids* i’m proud of you

“i need to speak with him” “just this once”

yet we got poseidon showing up once in awhile just to say hi

7 months? 😀

percy was 7 months old?

now i don’t remember much but i don’t think it was that long luv ❤️

“always”

i thought i was watching percy jackson not harry potter tf is up

sally and percy have my whole heart

g-man got his horns

chiron 🥺✨

missed my main hoe 😍

why are there so many fucking campers

there’s like 500

let’s take a chill pill shall we

annabeth and percy look like siblings in this

 incest 😳

they bouta fiGHTshe better have won

k well that’s it thank the gods 😘

i’ll be back in like 4 months to review sea of monsters i need a break of bullshit

OH ITS NOT OVER

it’s gabe

he pulled a demi

stone cold

stone cold

everyone will be happier without him

#percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #pjo movies #so fucking stupid #anabeth chase #grover underwood #heroes of olympus #disney+ #pjo adaptation #percabeth #rick riordan

[divine-noire]

Mononucleosis Awareness Post

So I caught Mono participating in Hot Girl Summer™ (jk jk lmao) but I did get Mono, and this shit is not a fucking joke. If you feel like you might have it, please go to the doctor. Over the past 4 weeks, I have been going through literal medical hell from complications. I’m gonna list the symptoms I’ve had and if you feel like you might have it, go get looked at. I thought Mono was something only horny ass teens got in high school playing spin the bottle, I’m 26 (27 next month) and was NOT expecting this shit at all.

Fatigue

My first symptom that something was wrong was fatigue. This is not normal, everyday fatigue. This is actually waking up and feeling like the world is ending when you take your first step, fatigue. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. While driving, I put my emergency break on at red lights because I was afraid I would fall asleep while at the standstill. At work, if there were no calls, my head was down (luckily, my boss is only here twice a week so I could get away with this). At home, I was in bed by 6PM and when you do sleep, it’s immediate. There is no gradual lulling off to sleep. It’s face-meet-pillow-meet-morning-alarm type of sleep. But I was still tired no matter how much I slept so I started using No Doze to counteract the effects. At first, it was fine, but even then, I still had the underlying fatigue. It got so bad, I drove over a friend’s house in Greenbelt, MD which is about an hour and a half away with rush hour traffic, using every bit of energy I had in my body to get to her, because she said she would take care of me, which she did. But by the time I pulled up to her house, I basically almost fell out of the driver side door when she opened it for me. That is not an exaggeration, that is the level of exhaustion I felt from just driving that far without sleeping. We thought I had the flu or something flu-like, so she gave me fluids and alot of Day & NightQuil. It made the symptoms lessen, but it never made them go away.

Sore Throat

At the beginning, my throat merely felt scratchy. This lasted for about 3 days, before I knew it, my voice was gone and my throat was in so much pain I gave up talking. The pain is not akin to Strep Throat, if you’ve had that before. It is actually worse. My throat was swollen as a symptom of the virus, but it graduated into its own infection of severe Tonsillitis. It was so severe that I actually began having trouble swallowing from the amount of swelling that it caused. I had to receive a steroid injection in my butt to counteract the swelling and start methylprednisone (which wasn’t strong enough and I had to go back for regular prednisone 20mg). I couldn’t eat anything without pain, so I stuck to drinking a lot of fluids and ice water. Ice water became my guardian angel because my throat was in a constant state of burning pain. I also grew exodus on the back of my throat, past my tonsils, as a result of the infection in my throat, and had to gargle salt water like crazy everyday to get them out. The exodus hurts, it is hard and feels like cement on the back of your throat and it makes the Tonsillitis 10x worse than it already is. I didn’t have a voice at all for 12 days, I had to use a dry erase board for all interactions (it’s quicker than typing on my phone.) 

Nausea

Now my case may be different because the doctors keep telling me my nausea shouldn’t have gone on as long as it did and that I need to go see a Gastroenterologist ASAP but that’s a different story for a different post. Nausea was my worst and most persistent symptom to date. The kind of nausea you may feel will be persistent. I woke up nauseous to the point of my mouth salivating as though I were about to vomit everyday for about 2-2.5 weeks. This never settled. There was never a time my mouth was not salivating, I had to begin keeping paper cups at my desk to spit the residual saliva into throughout the day because it never subsided. One day, I had a salad for lunch from Panera even though I wasn’t hungry, I knew I should try to eat something. (By this time, my throat had made some progress and I could swallow some whole things.) I immediately regretted that decision when I lay in bed at midnight holding my stomach like the world was ending. I was so nauseous that I couldn’t get myself together enough to even get out of bed. The thing that makes the nausea symptom so bad (for me) is that it never made be actually vomit, it just created the sensation of needing to. Eventually, I broke down and stuck a straw down my throat just to alleviate the symptom a bit and threw up the salad, and it didn’t even look like it’d been digested properly. That made the nausea go away for the night, and after that I gave up eating anything solid hoping that would prevent any future nausea, spoiler alert: I was wrong. My salivating mouth picked up right where it left off, it was as though all I went through the night before didn’t even matter. My stomach was empty and still nauseated. That night, the nausea was so bad that I just knew something was off and I drove myself to the ER (Note: I drive myself to the ER that is less than 10-minutes away all the time to save money on an ambulance, if you feel you are not safe to drive, dial 911, it is better to just pay the ambulance than cause an accident and make your situation worse than it already is.). When I got there, I was beyond exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, I just felt like I was dying. The doctor brought me back, took my vitals, asked the usual questions. I told him about the nausea, the Mono diagnosis, he said he wanted me to get a temporary room while he ran some tests. I got a room and a nurse came in and gave me a shot of Zofran for the nausea that did absolutely nothing. It was so bad that when he came back in, I asked for Ipecac or a straw to induce vomiting again. Alarmed, he said they wanted to avoid me vomiting and gave me an additional shot of Zofran. That helped that time, but I still just felt overall terrible. The doctor came in later and told me my potassium levels were extremely low, explaining the extreme fatigue and dizziness, that my liver was swollen from the Mono, and that the nausea was alarming and he would be admitting me for treatment. I was shocked that this virus had done such a number on me. My throat had even worsened and was now even more swollen and painful than it was before (I hadn’t gotten the 20mg prednisone script yet.). I spent 2 days with an IV in my arm, eating mushy foods and sleeping in the hospital. I had to take off work because I was in no shape to even drive there, let alone get anything done. After the 2 days went by, I actually felt back to my normal self! I was so fucking happy to exist and not feel like dying after weeks of wanting to that I went home and started cleaning my room. I had let it get atrocious from not feeling well or feeling like doing anything besides sleeping. Shortly after I began, the fatigue kicked in, the only symptom to never leave, and I sat my ass down and watched Rick & Morty with Sebastia and went to sleep instead, which was probably the safer bet. Fast forward 8 nausea-free days, and guess what’s back??? It’s tolerable now, but still an extreme nuisance. I get my Zofran prescription and it does didly fucking squat to alleviate the nausea. I call the Urgent Care that diagnosed me and ask if there’s anything stronger for nausea and they tell me all the stronger shit will have me bedbound and loopy. Bills gotta get paid so we can’t have that. So that night, in a moment of nauseous desperation, I took double the dosage of the Zofran to alleviate the discomfort. Now, I understand I shouldn’t have done this, but I was DESPERATE and afterward, I felt great. It was the first time the medicine had done wtf the doctors said it would do and the way it was supposed to: quick, fast and in a motherfucking sprint. So I stupidly called the Urgent Care to ask them about the nausea medicine again (I have such a good relationship with this UC for some reason, probably because I hate my primary.) and told them what I’d done the night before and that I was now out of nausea meds and needed a refill before it came back, which was all true. Jessica, the nurse I always saw, was alarmed and spoke to the doctor on duty there, and told them about what I did. Then they cut me off and said to go ask my Primary for the refill because I’ve been utilizing them way too much (long story short). But she also said that I shouldn’t need that much Zofran and something else is going on and I need to be seen by a Gastro. That $40 co-pay appointment is still pending. Andddd I’ve been nausea-free for about a week now, but as I type this, my mouth just began salivating so it looks like I’m gonna be dealing with that again soon. Fuck.

Dizziness

My dizziness didn’t come full force until about 4 days ago (Week 4). I was out at a shopping center getting groceries and while I was parking at a nearby Dunkin Donuts, the world legit started slanting. I felt like I’d been drugged all of a sudden. My skin felt cold and clammy, everything felt out of focus and I immediately needed to lie down. Luckily, it came right after I’d put my car in park and had the opportunity to put my seat back and do so. I waited about 10 minutes maybe, and then I felt ok enough to get out and go get some food because I thought I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten yet. Even standing in line and waiting for the food afterward was difficult. I had to sit down or else I’d fall down. I got back in my car and ate and laid down again, went back to the store to get eggs I forgot to grab before, and on the walk back to my car almost walked into another parked car. Of course, people saw and probably thought I was drunk or something. I was embarrassed but didn’t have the motor skills energy to explain the situation of feeling like I was in 2 bodies at once. This symptom has come and gone as it pleases, but luckily after a good 2-hour nap that day when I got home, I felt alot better. 

Poor Appetite

While battling this virus, I have lost 10 pounds and still counting in the past 4 weeks. While it’s great to fit into clothes I was once too thick to get past my thighs, it is not the way I wanted to lose the weight. In the beginning, I always felt full no matter what, which made me not want to eat, combined with the nausea, it made eating something I just wasn’t in the mood to ever do. This went on for weeks, which caused the weight loss. I learned later that my swollen liver pressing against my stomach is what caused the sensation of fullness, hence, not ever feeling like I should eat. Now, my appetite has returned, and I’ve been eating nothing but starchy, fatty nonsense my diet never would’ve allowed before I got sick. And even with all the newfound calories I’ve been non-stop digesting (seriously guys, pizza 5 days straight, bread bowls, bacon egg and cheese croissants, cheesecake, donuts...) I’m still shedding pounds. My Gold’s Gym Membership is gathering dust because I can’t go workout with my body still always in fatigue-mode and it’s probably just not kosher to do with this kind of virus. My mom said I should celebrate for now until it becomes a cause for concern later, but I think I should probably be concerned now since the earlier you find something out the better health-wise. I lowkey did some research and think I might have Hepatitis-C from the virus, which is curable, but sucks all the same if I’m right. I inherited my mother’s extremely poor immune system, so I really wouldn’t be surprised. I’ll post before and after photos of my weight loss separately, don’t want Tumblr turning me into the Face of Mono™ because of this post. 

Swollen Lymph Nodes

This was one of the lesser symptoms that went away by week 2-2.5. They are definitely sensitive and noticeable. I found that icing them alleviated a lot of the discomfort and made it tolerable, but overall, these were the least of my worries.

If you experience any of these symptoms or think you may have Mono, definitely get yourself checked out. They can do a rapid test at any Urgent Care or ER and let you know during your visit if you have it. This shit is not a joke. I’m still dealing with the symptoms right now and have no inclination of when they will be gone. The literature says anywhere from a few weeks to a year, I’m praying for the initial option but I have no way of knowing for sure. I say all this to say, pay attention to and know your body, guys. You only get one. 

#black health #black girls #black women #mono #mononucleosis #sick #viral infection #black tumblr #black women health #flu season #long post

[wclfgurl]

& .   ✧   ›   MEETING ARYA !

✦ ▓ AND WHO GOES THERE? oh, it’s just [ ARYA STARK ]. some say [ HER ] resemblance to [ MADISON BAILEY ] is almost uncanny, but the [ TWENTY-THREE ] year old has been in the capital for [ TWO YEARS ]. many suspect that they are the notorious [ CORPORAL ] of the [ STARK ] family: perhaps that has made them [ DISCOURTEOUS ] && [ IMPUDENT ] of late, when they used to be so [ BRAZEN ] && [ ASTUTE ]. during the daylight hours, [ ARYA ] can be found working as a [ UNI STUDENT ], but when night falls over king’s landing, they are best remembered listening to [ RUN BOY RUN BY WOODKID ]. may the gods be with them in these dark streets. ( attina. 24. cst. she/her. )

hey there demons, it’s me. ya boi ! i’m attina and i’m here to create chaos. please slap a like on this if you want to plot and i’ll come at you. there are a bunch of wanted connections listed at the end so if any of them seem to scream at you, please feel free to yell at me ! my discord is ty lee#5523 so feel free to use that for plotting if you wish ! full disclosure, i don’t remember shite about game of thrones and never finished the season finale nor read the books but i’m here to vibe anyways !

& .   ✧   ›  I. THE BASICS !

full name › arya stark.

nickname(s) › arry, no-name, dead girl, horseface, wolf girl.

age › twenty-three ( 23 ).

d.o.b. › december 12, 1997.

gender › cis-female.

pronouns › she/her.

allegiance › the starks.

occupation › university student ( undetermined degree ). 

current location › king’s landing.

& .   ✧   ›  II. THE BIOGRAPHY !

your mother was once so excited when a little girl joined the family once more. thrilled to have another to dress in all pink, teach the ways of a lady, and become one more little her. too bad the child would have other plans. you were never meant to be the prim and proper lady that your mother expected. not when running around wolves was far more exciting. you didn’t have time for the lessons your mother tried to bestrode onto you, disinterested in spending hours with some yarn. you rather use the needle for something that your mother strongly disapproves of. that’s what really gets you going; doing things your mother states to be vile. 

the years growing up weren’t without bruises and stains. you have scars filled with stories that you tell with a wide grin on your face. proof that you are the one still standing and whatever --- or whoever --- gave them to you succumbed to your victory. you have spent plenty of time in the principals office for fights that you never started but certainly ended. you don’t mind the bruised knuckles the battles gave you. it was completely worth the look on their faces when you took them down.

when you were a teenager, rebellion was in your blood. you did what it took to defy the law. breaking and entering abandoned buildings were a good after school activity for you, running from the police was just a nice jog in the middle of the night. you kept a kill list for everyone that has done you wrong --- most of the names on there were for petty reasons but not billy. you still fucking hate billy. you still have that kill list, though more prominent names are on there now. ones that have harmed your family in one way or another. that’s one thing you don’t fuck around with and that’s family. 

it doesn’t matter how much you felt like an outsider with your siblings; they are still your blood. your loyalty lies with your family and if anyone messes with them, they are immediately pissing you off. the only one allowed to mess with your siblings, including sansa, is you and you’re not afraid to make that known. you will fight tooth and nail for any member of your family, including those loyal to your family. that is, until you prove to be a traitor. that’s one way to get their name written on your list.

despite the loyalty you have for the starks, it didn’t stop you from disappearing two years ago. you told a few people but really, you just had a desire to see a part of the world. just for a year. call it a break from university if you will. studying abroad, if that helps your mother sleep at night. you came back as per agreement with your father and yet, you still wish to be gone. there was so much more that you haven’t seen and the classes that you’re taking are just dull in comparison. is it too much to wish for a different path for yourself?

but that’s something you never dare say. instead you keep your hit list close to your heart in case an opportunity presents itself and you continue doing what you want when you want it. that includes any duties you’re given. you do as you please, speak your mind to whomever, and post tiktoks for the hell of it. 

& .   ✧   ›  III. THE FACTS !

yeah that’s right, arya stark is a tiktoker. honestly fight me? she’s a gen x’er what do you expect? her tik toks are probably one way that her family realizes she was still alive during that year of traveling. is she a famous tiktoker or whatever you call them? hell yeah and you can quote me on that.

her weapon of choice is a small rapier nicknamed needle gifted to her by jon snow.

she has no idea what to study in uni and none of it really appeals to her? she finds it all boring. which is probably why she’s often skipping classes, turning assignments in late, or plain not doing a thing in that class. definitely an argument she has with her mother every day is about uni. 

arya joined the organisation as a corporal as a request from her father, utilizing her skills, and a big f-- u to her mother. because honestly isn’t that what life is all about? 

she has a siberian husky named nymeria ofc.

rebel for rebel’s sake; she’s definitely spray painted buildings before. probably has been arrested as a minor. it’s fine though. everythinG’S FINE.

personality wise; arya is loud and proud. she’s never one to stray from speaking her mind despite the turmoil it may cause. think the girl cares if she hurts your feelings?? probably not but maybe a little and only if you actually cared about what she thought. listen, it’s complicated and so is she. she doesn’t believe in happy ever afters but looks more realistically, and potentially more emotionally as she doesn’t mind keeping a grudge and doing things that would end a grudge in a not forgiving way (murdah is fun)! she thrives on making her ancestors ( mother & sister ) disappointed in her but also it hurts when they are? its fine, she’ll worry about those complicated emotions later. 

& .   ✧   ›  IV. THE CONNECTIONS !

what the fuck is up kyle › negative; their paths have crossed once or twice before and each meeting has never been a pleasant one. arya doesn’t try to hide their displeasure when face to face whether it’s public or private. there is a solid chance that they are on her hit list for a petty reason.  i’m in my mum’s car. broom broom › positive; listen, arya isn’t heartless idk what made you think that. she has a heart, she just doesn’t know how to express emotions and rather vanish for a year than face people again. but listen, this character is someone who has seemed to break through her shell. whether or not that’s a good thing is up for debate. wtf, is this allowed? is this allowed? › romantic; romance isn’t something that arya daydreams about but man, she fell and she fell hard. they were just meant to be a nice distraction but here she is, acting like something that she’s not. first loves are a scary thing and she would much rather just pretend that they are just for fun. i’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me › negative; political parties aren’t something that arya cares too much about, but she does give a damn if someone hates her family for whatever reason that is. it doesn’t matter that they are on opposite sides, what matters is your mom’s a ho. but in all seriousness, prepare for some stink eye and arya badmouthing them. zach stop! you’re gonna get in trouble › positive; listen. even arya needs someone that she might be a good influence towards. the one person who is like hmmmm, maybe not a good idea right now. however, they are still creating havoc together for the vine ( rip vine ) tiktok.  stahp! i coulda dropped my croissant › romantic; distractions and fun times and maybe doing things that you’re mother doesn’t approve of, that’s the arya way! and this one really is just a booty call. it doesn’t matter what side they may support, that’s not what they are talking about, if they are even speaking, when they’re meeting up.

#vixere:intro #// iM SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG #i just have too many thoughts #and not enough thots #& . ✧ › POINTS ( 20 )

[benhardyisdaddy]

Love Of My Life - Part 12

MASTERLIST 

(its been a while so im sorry!!! i hope u all like this fluffy af part cuz it was actually so cute and soft to write ugh BUT dont be fooled cuz the next part is going to be angsty af and like ummm yeah youll see 😌☕ also this gif is so cute wtf this is what i imagine his face was when u get excited about paris and are jumping around sksksk so cute)

Word Count: 1,903

To My Beautiful Wife, 

Remember when you first saw this postcard? You were so in love with, I couldn’t not buy it. Tickets are at the airport. Pack your luggage. Everything's ready for you. 3pm is your flight. You’ve been dreaming of this moment your whole life. I wish I was with you. Roger will make a good travel buddy, you know that now. Please soak in every last moment. I’ve been gone for a while now. You’ll be in the city of love, so open your heart. You never know what you’ll find. 

Yours Forever, 

John 

P.S. You’re the love of my life 

“I can’t believe it.” you whisper, still staring at the postcard. “He bought it. He knew how much I adored it and he… He bought it.” 

You look up to Roger with tears in your eyes as you smile. A slight grin is on his face as he watches how excited you are over this. You look back down at it and your smile drops. 

“Wait,” you start, looking back up. “Are we… Are we going to Paris?” you ask, your eyes narrowing. 

Roger fights off an even bigger grin as he looks half shocked and surprised. 

“It said the tickets are ready for you. I think we’re going to Paris!” 

Your eyes are wide with shock as you jump up and down, squealing and shouting loudly. You ignored how bad your head hurt, but you couldn’t believe it! John had all of this planned out for you. He didn’t forget how much you wanted to visit Paris. He didn’t forget. 

You pause and look around your apartment, suddenly overwhelmed. 

“Oh my god, it said we leave at 3! We have to hurry!” 

You run as fast as you can back to your bedroom and fling your suitcase on the bed. You pack everything you can grab, making sure to miss nothing. You grab all of John’s letters and tuck them inside, followed by the postcard. You look around in a hurry and spot the black and white photo of John that you had taken. You stare at it and smile as you reach forward and pick it up. You run your fingers over the image and safely tuck it beside the letters. It needed to go with you. 

You were in such a huge hurry getting everything around, you didn’t even realize Roger had left your place and went back to his. He asked no questions about anything as he packed a suitcase as well and hurried back. If his best friend’s wish was for him to go on a little vacation with his wife, he would never say no. The look on your face was priceless when you found out you were leaving for the one place you have dreamed of seeing. He was just as excited for you. 

Shower, change clothes, get around and you’re done. You have exactly one hour to get to the airport on time. Roger helped place your luggage in his car along with his. You were giddy and excited, not able to sit still. 

“I can't believe this is actually happening!” you squeal, looking out the window as you all drive. 

He smiles and glances over to you. He hasn’t seen you this happy in a long, long time. It was so nice. 

“Are you nervous?” he asks, looking back to the road. 

“A little,” you confess. “But I’m really happy you’ll be there with me.” 

Roger’s smile drops just a bit as he looks over to you fast. A sweet grin is on your face as you look at him, his heart speeding a bit. He smiles back and looks forward again. 

“Me too.” he says. 

***

“It’s only about an hour flight at least.” says Roger, holding your tickets in his hand. 

You’re officially at the airport and waiting in your gate area. It’s 2:50pm and they were starting to board the flight. You were next in line to have your ticket scanned and off you were. Roger was right behind you as you clutch your purse tight to yourself. You walk through the long hall like structure and spot the opening for the plane. You stop just right outside of it, greeted by three flight attendants that smiled at you sweetly. You close your eyes and take in a deep breath. You open them once more and smile as you take the first step onto the plane. You glance back down at your ticket and search for you seat. It was the second row and a window seat. John really did know you. You slide into your seat and immediately buckle in. Roger sits next to you as you both peered out the window and watch as people outside scurry around to get everything in order. 

“Ready?” he asks. 

You look over to him and grin, nodding your head. You reach your hand over and grab his, lightly squeezing. 

“Take offs always scare me.” you tell him. 

He gently squeezes your hand back as he leans in closer to you. 

“Just close your eyes and squeeze my hand as hard as you can. It’ll be over before you know it.” 

You smile and nod as you lean your head back and close your eyes, still gripping his hand hard. Roger is still leaned forward a bit as he watches you slowly take in a breath and exhale. This was the perfect moment for him to take you in. He stared at you and every feature on your face. He couldn’t look away. He continued to watch you until the plane takes off. It was bumpy at first, causing your eyes to squeeze shut and to squeeze his hand hard. 

“It’s almost over.” he whispered, causing you to relax. 

And just like he said, it was over.

***

Paris, France. The one place you had dreamed of always visiting and here you were. The plane ride was smooth and perfect, almost soothing. You couldn’t believe you were actually here. You were the first off of the plane, looking around like crazy. Even the airport was beautiful. Roger walked close behind you as you both enter the building. 

“What happens now?” you ask, looking to him. 

“Well, he said he had everything planned. Maybe-” 

Roger stops and looks at something, causing your head to turn around. A man in all black holds up a sign that reads Y/n and Roger. Your brows go up as you hurriedly walked over to him, a light smile appearing on his face when he spots you.

“Hi, I’m y/n.” you tell him. 

“Yes, ma’am. I know exactly who you are. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” he says, holding out his hand to shake yours and Roger’s. “Your husband John had to of been the most genuinely nicest person I ever got to meet. It was a pleasure to know him and to do this for him.” 

You fight back happy tears as he speaks. That was the John you knew as well. You smile and look over to Roger then back to him. 

“Oh, forgive me,” he says as he takes off his dark sunglasses. “I’m Samuel. You may call me Sam if you’d like.” 

“Nice to meet you, Sam.” says Rog. 

“You as well, Mr. Taylor. Shall we go?” he asks. 

“Oh, but our luggage-” you go to say. 

“It’s already all in the car, Mrs. Deacon. Your hotel is the next stop. I’ll be your driver for the next four days here. Anything you need or anywhere you want to go, I’ll be right there.” 

You look to Roger and smile as you slide your arm around his. This was so exciting yet nerve wracking. The three of you make it outside and to a large black SUV. Sam opens the door for you both as you thank him and slide inside. 

“I had instructions to take you to your hotel and then to your dinner reservation at seven.” he tells you as he begins driving. 

“My first ever Paris dinner!” you says excited. 

“Perfect, I’m starving.” teases Roger. 

***

Your hotel was large and beautiful. Breathtaking actually. It was about 15 stories high and the most elegant place you have ever been in. When you reached your room, your eyes were wide. It was humongous and gorgeous. A large chandelier hung in the middle of the room, a king sized bed caught your eye as well. A large glass table by the large TV stand had a bucket with ice and two bottles of champagne. You walk over to it and suddenly spot a piece of paper that’s folded in half. It has your name on the front and your heart flutters. You know it’s from John. 

My Beautiful Wife, 

Enjoy your time here. I know you will. Sam knows the schedule of what I have planned for you. He will tell you everything. For now, relax and get ready for dinner. Also, walk outside on the balcony. I think you’ll enjoy the view. 

Yours Forever,

John 

P.S. You’re the love of my life 

The view? You look over to the two large doors that lead to a huge balcony. You place the letter down and slowly walked over to them, feeling Roger’s eyes on you. You grab their handles and swing them both open. You take a step outside and peer around, freezing. You gasp and your eyes go wide. Roger rushes over to you and walks behind you, stopping as well. In front of you, the most perfect view, was the Eiffel Tower. It was tall and mesmerizing, just like you knew it would be. A warm, soft breeze brushes against you as you smile widely. You couldn’t look away from it. You had longed to see it for so long now and there it is. 

“John really knew what he was doing.” whispers Rog, his eyes glued to it as well. 

You turn around to Rog and smile. 

“He did.” you whisper back. 

The two of you look at each other for a moment, not breaking away. Something about the way Roger looked at you reminded you of something or possibly someone. You glance down at his lips and then back to his eyes, noticing him do the same. He’s close to you, almost too close. You find yourself moving in even closer, him doing the same. You look away quickly and clear your throat. 

“We should get ready for dinner.” you say fast. 

Roger looks down and nods as you walk around him and back inside. He looks back at the tower for a moment before following. The two of you are silent as you change into a long black dress and fix yourself up. As you're applying lip gloss, something suddenly hits you. You turn around and walk out of the bathroom, your eyes narrowing. Roger’s sat on the bed as he ties his shoes. He looks up to you and notices the look on your face, pausing. 

“What?” he asks fast. 

“We only have one bed.” you say. 

Roger turns and looks behind him, suddenly realizing it as well. 

“Oh…” he says. “I’ll sleep on the floor.” 

“You are not sleeping on the floor. We can make it work.” you say smiling. 

You walk back into the bathroom and for some reason, your heart’s beating fast. How is tonight going to go?

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[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 2)

no. jk here.

So, it’s morning. I look around at our camp, and see everyone is at work. Karen is painting their flag and using safety scissors to cut out Monty’s head, Kevin is chanting to himself in the corner, Stoner’s been asleep so we buried him in the sand up to his neck and then sculpted a sand castle around him. Tommy is just trying to make eye contact with anyone he can and so I’m...avoiding that. I’d say we are solid but that’s probably not the truth, and so that kind of stinks. I’m hoping the newbies really fuck up, and I know that’s harsh but...that’s showbiz, babe!! Speaking of newbies I still haven’t talked to a few of them.  Emma like zoomed away the first day and I’ve given up on talking to her. Hope she goes first. That’s all I got for now, going to eat breakfast I will continue this rant later.

my truth is that i haven’t played an org game in so long i forgot i was playing and then remembered an hour ago and tried to do this wack qwop game hsksksj! my legs were not qwoperating 

I see there's an arena going on! I might go there first if the rest of the team is okay with it - gives me a chance to scope things out and get a feel for the area. I'm excited!

WE WON THE FUCKING CHALLEEEENGE AAAAA NOT ONLY DID WE WIN BUT WE KILLT IT WE SCORED 12 AND EVERYONE ELSE GOT LIKE 8 AND 5 OHMYGOOOD IM NOT GONNA BE FIRST OUT YALL IM SHAKING I CANT BELIEVE GSJDKDVDSNDBWSKHSD okAy okay so thank god bc my tribe has like no drama so our vote would’ve been really difficult and that gives me more time to think about my possible advantage and the possible bonds here. 

so while I am safe I still have to game a little bit and talk to the people I’ve been talking with who are going to tribal like Sammy and Jordan, funny enough who are on the same tribe.... maybe I can get them to protect each other..... hm

Well we lost because of technicalities, I choose to blame that. This tribe is apparently extremely quiet to each other, so the fact that I messaged everyone hello this morning, nearly 48 hours after the start, I am SOMEHOW one of the best social players here. Challenges are generally my strength, we got last in QWOP, so backup is social game in a social ORG. I can be in some danger here, but I think I have a TRusuT sclusTER to keep myself here. As is necessary. I don't care who goes, I have a preference, but I don't really want to set a goal right now. Flexibility is key.

I'm literally PISSED. I'm fuming right now, like wtf? OK so I haven't confessed anything yet because my tribe has been SO quiet. I've honestly talked a lot more to some of the people from ONE WORLD than I have from some of the people from my own tribe... and I'm not crazy okay? It's NOT my fault. I put in effort with these people... But some of these people are just DRY! Drier than the Sahara Desert! Drier than my chappy ass lips! They can't hold a conversation, and that's obnoxious. I'm not going to respond to you if your message has literally nothing in it worth responding to, that's why most of my messages will either have a follow-up question, or something actually of substance to comment on/reply to... YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME SO WE CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK AND MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT DIALOGUE!!!!!!! But NOOOOOOO, my tribe decides to not speak... MOVING ON! The only people I've had good conversations with really are Juls and Em, and lo and behold, Em does lit rally nothing in this challenge, which sucks because I'm afraid that may put a target on her back. But I'm not sure, I definitely will vote with her and I think Juls will too. I'll move onto that later but I wanna talk about why I'm fucking LIVID RIGHT NOW. I literally made SO many suggestions on how we could tweak who does what in this challenge, or what we do on certain parts. Now I'm going to admit a TINY bit of fault here, in that I didn't say my suggestions on the tribe flag. There are some things I think we could've done to make it better, but I love Juls, and everyone had already told her it was great, so I didn't wanna make her feel that I didn't like it or was over criticizing. So I didn't say anything. That was my bad. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE, LUV? I said We should guess lower than 610... Now granted my even 600 guess still would've been too low to win, BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN OVERBOARD! HMPPHH!!!!! Or maybe we could've compromised on 605 if people hadnt IGNORED ME!!!! IDK!??!?!?! Further than that, I asked for different tweaking on the chant and nobody gave any suggestions. I'm not saying we would've won or anything had I taken the lead or that I was doing everything the right way,  obviously I wasn't since my chant got 3rd, but what I'm saying is once it became obvious the challenge was going to be about group participation and suggestion, our tribe needed to unify. Everyone in the tribe needed to have a clearer vision and talk to eachother and actually put in the EFFORT that this stuff requires. Which I'm admitting my own error, in not doing that with the flag. But our tribe was just so quiet and silent before now, which sent me down a paranoid spiral, that I was super fucking worried about my place in the tribe or where things were heading. Now I realize I'm in a good position on the tribe for sure, it's just that our tribe is STRUGGLING. ON THE (Mr.) BRIGHTSIDE!!! We lost by a tiebreaker guess, and only by 4 points.... and I'm pretty close with Juls, and it seems like a target will probably fall pretty easily onto Billy. He had the worst QWOP score, described himself as arrogant in his own intro, and just seems.. critical of others. He gives off a strange vibe. If it's not him, I'm pretty sure it'd end up being Jacob or Em. I feel that me and Juls are safe which is all that I can hope for on a tribe this freaking tiny, I instantly connected with Juls over our love of anime, the fact her name is the same as Euphoria Jules, and other stuff. As far as One World goes, I honestly keep forgetting it exists. I haven't reached out to too many of the others but have talked back to those who talk to me and it's been generally decent. I get along well with other Jacob, the not pie one. Caeleb I already know from before this and so I feel like we'd def work together, and I get good vibes from a lot of these people like Eve, Nicole, Ben, etc. Honestly I'm just so frustrated right now because things have been quiet and nervous and I'm PARANOID, and my tribe was so close to winning but fucked it up over minor things we could've tweaked had we just tried a little harder and communicated a little more. ugh, this SUCKS. now my first legacy in Tumblr Survivor is a mediocre chant (i honestly really like it and i put a LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT OKAY....) and a trip to tribal council *Sobs* Here's hoping things take a positive turn from here...? It could always be the Bronze before my Gold! ~Hamfisted olympics metaphor~

Love my tribe a lot! However, i still feel on the outside somewhat tho.... Idk this is a lot for me I just hope we win until a swap or whatever its called ahh

Alright, Darcy back here with yet another confessional!   Here is a little update since I last posted confessional, mainly the biggest difference is now I have an ally formed with Ben.   At least, I made a deal with Ben yesterday proposing just the generic looking after one another ordeal, then going to give it some time and maybe question Beck about forming an alliance, since I've been connecting with her even more past bit, but don't want to go too fast and end up asking half my tribe right away to work with me, as I don't want to be seen as playing hard out the gate and make myself a target.   Meanwhile, I decided to give the Olympic Village searching a shot, but alas was no luck in the cafeteria cabinets, so will just have to try my luck again in the future rounds.   Thinking of searching either the South or North end of Village next round, but we shall see.   Anyways, I'm glad my tribe won Immunity, so don't have to go to tribal this round, and this Olympic Arena twist sounds great, essentially one person from each tribe goes to the Arena, I believe for the immune tribes just 1 person is selected to go to the Arena, and for the losing tribes, the two voted out go to arena, where the winner of the voted out people come back in the game, and loser is out of the game for good.   Think I read that all right, but maybe won't hurt to give it another read to double check.   For now though, I shall go, so will see you all with my next confessional.

Fuck having to go to tribal first. I don’t like having to send someone home when I don’t even really know who I’m playing with yet. 

Seems like Billy pulling the "I don't want to make any moves" to me was surprisingly bullshit. Who would've thunk. I think everyone is fine with voting out Billy here, I didn't really want to initially, but yeah, uh no. I could be in danger, but if everyone is honest here, I should be fine. Fingers crossed. "I'm either going to be first boot or win" - Pia Miranda

So, the first tribal is in a bit and we were almost sent there but managed to pull through in the tiebreaker! I hope that opens some of my tribemates eyes (lets be real, just Stoner who hasn’t been doing much of anything!) Being in One World but none of the newbies talking to me is still wild to me, half of them still haven’t even accepted my contact request. Yet they’re plenty active in the chat, so what gives? Anyway, I hope it’s just that they are intimidated by the very fact that I am beauty, and grace, and Miss United States. I hope we can win the next round, hopefully first or second place so we don’t have a close call again. We are trying to get Chris to go to the Arena so he can get us that 20% but he hasn’t answered so...what gives? On the alliance front I’m good with Kevin and Karen tribewise , the bigger picture is Kevin, Jacob and Sammy want to align and then we will have a bigger alliance that includes Beck, Juls and Eve. Eventually I might wanna break off and align with Jules and Eve, but having bigger targets around is essential. Anyway that’s all I got for now. I should start making video confessionals AS THINGS ARE HAPPENING. Ya know? Anyway toodles for now see ya next round. OH, and I’m hoping Jules and Jacob are safe this tribal :( love them and hope we can work together going forward. 

Hiiii, arena results are about to come in so I'm just gonna drop a quickie confessional before that happens. I don't honestly remember how much I talked about the strategy and gameplay that was going on, so I'll give you a quick rebriefing of that. I'm really close with Juls. Em I like, but I want more out of her. Jacob is quiet, but inoffensive. Billy, I actually like him, but there are certain things about him that just.. Rub me (and others) a strange way and that's why we voted him out because certain things he did just didn't quite gel with the rest of the team. If he does return from the arena though, it's possibly I may vouch for him over Jacob because Jacob... HE JUST NEEDS TO TALK!!! But idk. One world still SUCKS and is dragging me through the MUD because nobody wants to do cross-tribe talking me included but that gets me paranoid as FUCK, luv. About the live tribal, it was fun! My camera angle was awkward and I was soo nervous though, but I think I was still able to hold it together relatively well, act normal, and give semi-decent answers. Will definitely be improving my live tribal performance for next time so I can be a bad ass bitch on call, it's GOING to happen... dskfdsf. I love Emma on call/video sooooo much, But on text she's kind of dry. Maybe I need to ask her if I can call her sometime, but I haven't done a call for a game like this in a looong time. I'm a bit nervous about that. But yeah. I'm looking forward to the game... The first tribal just makes everything real, and you realize, oh shit, we're playing Survivor. And I forgot how thrilling it was to play in a live, video environment like that, it just grips you and it feels so much more intense than when wiki results are just posted in chat and you don't have to deal with physically seeing the person you're voting out, talking to them with your actual voice, etc. All that stuff just makes the experience that much more realistic and it's so intense and fun. I'm ready to get this game on (Btw fuck the arena twist)

hey guys im really loving this game so far... keep up the good work!

i didn’t appreciate the attitude billy gave me whenever i tried to help the team out but! i’m willing to get over it because he is a nice guy. i feel fairly comfortable with my team and i’m just hoping we can avoid another tribal! 

Hello! I can not believe I'm back for a 6th time on Tumblr Survivor this is so crazy! Especially for an Olympic season because I vowed to myself that I would never do a season again that was more than 20 people after being in Japan. Now that I'm back I'm ready to play, I haven't really came into this season with a strategy but if I did it would have changed because this is a One World season and now with the arena twist I'm sweating. One World makes the season super social (probably one of my least favorite twists) it's very easy for this season to let pre-mades and majorities take over just like that and let underdogs like me in this season to get taken out especially taken out early. So I have been social not only with me but a few people on different tribes but not too much. I don't want to seem like I'm playing too hard but I wanna build relationships before swaps happen so that people choose to ally with me (A WINNER) over a newbie or a returnee who hasn't won because I already have a big target on my back. With how the tribe divisions are it gives the newbies the biggest advantage with 15 newbies compared to 5 winners and 5 non-winner returnees, which isn't bad in a Fan vs. Favorite season because the ratio is even with returnees and newbies. However, now that I'm in the minority and also labeled a WINNER, I have to do damage control to lower my target but most importantly integrate with other people which is hard because I'm not the best social player and I know that's my weakness but I still have to attempt. In terms of my own tribe I'm closest to Kevin, when I talk to him we have a good conversation I probably already irritate him but I think out of everyone I can put my trust in him the most compared to everyone else. I think having one good ally is how I want to approach this season due to the arena twist I don't want to come across as running the tribe especially the winners tribe incase we do go to tribal because if I vote in the majority and that person stays they are immune and will be mad and spill the beans about the tribe, and I want that person to be the least mad at me so the focus is not on me. So having overall good vibes and 1 strong connection is a good strategy for the long term game. It might put me at risk for being voted out in the short term but I want to play the long-term game. Preferably if it is up to me I'd want Nicole to be the next closest to Kevin and myself without myself having to make an official deal with Nicole so I'm not seen as the ringleader. Kevin says he wants Stoner to be the first one voted out on our tribe but honestly I rather it be Karen. Stoner has the reputation keeps his target bigger than the rest and I think Karen has the better chance of flipping on the winners and succeeding than Stoner does. So my target is Karen if we do lose. I also believe that there may be an alliance with Nicole, Kevin, and Karen which I hope is not an actual alliance because that's bad news for me. I hope we don't go to tribal because I don't wanna go to a tribal with only 5 people. Wish me luck!

Whew it has been one round and i've fucked up so much its not even funny. its a little funny. anyways i start this game on a tribe of 5, i allign with connor who ive never played a game with and find some similar common ground, and with jacob who seems chill. we lose the first challenge sucks and all hell breaks loose, long story short fuck sammy. I'm trying to work my way back in caeleb and jacobs good graces. its gonna be a rocky road, but its one i've driven before

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

[unknowngirl199424-blog]

Pt. 3

Now being the pretty innocent girl i was. I smoked weed very occasionally. Drank every now and then. But that was it really. I smoked cigs. Stupid choice i made at an even more stupid young age. I was 13 when i tried it. 15 when i started smoking every day. (My parents knew, they didn't care) my younger sister had been smoking for years. She partied a lot. Drank a lot. Smoked a lot. Took a lot of pills. Would steal my moms pain pills that she needed from the back surgeries. Mom would run out at the end of the month and would bawl... Literally wail in pain. And it never stopped my sister. I caught her several times. Id get pissed. Ask her wtf she was doing, or why... But she never stopped. I never told... I was drowning in depression. It started when i was 13. After my grandma passed. I changed... She was my world.

My parents partied ALOT!

Used LOTS of drugs...

Ranging from just weed, to coke, to meth...

The first half of my life... From birth till... 14? I think was when they quit all the hard shit for good. They were just... Mom and dad. I mean i loved them, i respected them, but... I didn't have anything to compare it to. It was normal for me to walk in and see light bulbs just randomly on the coffee table.

It was normal for me to wake my sis up in the morning, helping her get dressed, teeth brushed, food in her belly and out the door waiting on the bus. Every day. We lived in the country about 20 miles from town where our friends were. So all we had was each other. In the summer as soon as the sun started to show, 7:00ish. My parents would rush into our room. One would wake up me while the other would wake my sister. Rush us up and to get dressed and outside. We'd be outside alllllllllll day long in the summer in Oklahoma heat. They'd have friends over and lock the doors. We played. Sometimes the friends would bring their kids and we'd run around and play all day. I was a tom boy. I had scarred bloody knees almost daily from wrecking my bike. Would just walk around the property we lived on. Played with our dogs. Pissed off snakes that liked to live in the barn or chicken coop. I ran a lot. BUT IT WAS NORMAL TO ME. They started to quit when i was 12. Then grandma passed. They started again. Didn't stop for good until mom was hurt and dad was fired for pissing dirty for weed, coke, and meth. He was rehired 6 months later. But shit was rough at the time. So after losing my grandma. I went into myself. She loved me, took care of me. Gave me what i wanted and needed. I basically broke. I was never really an over joyous kid. I was raped and molested by my cousin. And so i always carried pain. But grandma was who made me happy. She passed. And from that point in my life from 13 to 18. I cut a lot. I was emotionless most days. But some days I'd break and cry for hours. For the longest time i thought i was depressed because of grandma. But i realized... Depression is a disease. And once you get a good dose of it, it stays. It twists and folds and wiggles its way into every fibre of your being and clings. And bad things that go on add to it and over time, you are eye level deep terrified you're gonna go under soon and no one will notice. Well over the years shit was added. Once I realised i could.... Not feel the pain and sadness... I latched on. Over time the occasional smoking weed went to every day several times a day. Drinking came up for awhile but i hated feeling like shit the next day so i quit. My ex gave me a pain pill one day.

I realised that not only could i get away from the pain and depression, i could feel fucking amazing while doing so. So it started out ya know. Once a week. Just one. To 2 a week to 4 a week to at least 1 every day. When we went up north. Pills were every where. Drugs in general. And i wanted to experience things. We had fun. Went lots of places. Did lots of things. Parties, festivals, fairs, amusement parks, museums, art museums, craft fairs, art stores, book stores, malls, movie theaters.. Just... it was great. I met her friends. They were like her. We partied a lot. I was soley living in the moment for once instead of striving to please everyone else. It was a stupid choice. But it was my choice. Over the years. The fun with it stopped... it became a nessecity. She got shitty and mean sober and i was just as miserable. I wanted happiness not that. Her dad would give us pain pills every day and muscle relaxers. If we did literally anything for him he'd pay us in pills. My ex was also prescribed pain pills too! We'd go through them so quick and then he'd give them to us so we didn't go through withdrawal. By year 3 (2015) I'm 21. I'm working a few months here a few months there. Living the same daily cycle. My day didn't start until pills were thrown down my throat. The habit got bad. I was to a point i was taking fucking handfulls of pills. Daily. And didn't feel ok until then. The few days i didn't have them, i literally slept all day and all night. I was burying my issues with a dark coping mechanism.

I started falling out of love. I left her once last year and we got back together the next day. I told her she couldn't keep stopping me from leaving because it was making me hate her. She wouldnt let go. We stayed together for 4 months. I broke up with her and moved back to oklahoma the beginning of this year. But she was my comfort. Pills were my comfort. After being here for 4 months i let her come back. It was bad. I got back into pills again and one day i told her i didn't want to be with her anyone. She was here for a month at that point. But she wasn't trying to work. She wouldn't do anything. But look for pills. I told her i was done. She gave me some pills. I didn't know what they were but she told me they were for anxiety. And i was really upset. So i took them. We kept arguing. She kept giving me more. My parents stopped by to drop something off, i guess i was wayyyyy out of it. They leave. The fight blows up. I tell her i want her gone. She kept refusing. Idk what happened. It was like a light switch went off. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife and sliced my wrist up for the first time ever... I only cut my stomach and thighs as a teen. She came around the corner and saw what i was doing and broke a glass vase i had. She ran over and grabbed the blade. Started yanking it from me. I guess we fought over it pretty hard cuz all i remember was it flying across the room and when i got back 6 days later it was soooo bent up.

She kept going and going and i grabbed a piece of glass and cut, she got it away and i just collapsed to the floor. She tried hugging me. I screamed at her for being toxic for me. To not touch me. To just call my mom. My mom shows up. Its like 11:30 at night at this point and she freaks out. My ex starts shit with her. They argue. I scream at them that they needed to stop and mom took me to the er. I guess by that point i was in and out of consciousness. One thing i do remember was seeing an old teacher that i had from yearrrrs ago when i went to a vocational school to become a certified nurse aid. I really looked up to her at 17. Admired her. She was a Dr there in the er. It was humialting. I cried. I guess i pissed in a cup for em or something. I don't remember. But they told my mom (which i didn't find out till almost a week later) that i was overdosing. That all of what i took hadn't caught up and that's why i was talking really crazy and blacking out. I don't remember. But the next morning i wake up. There was a cop sitting next to my bed. 20 mins later im being handcuffed and put in a cruiser and drove over a hr to a phych place. Guess the dr asked me the night before what would happen if i went home and i said i didn't know. So they legally put me there for 5 days so i couldn't be any harm to myself.

5 good things about being put there.

1. I had no access to pills, alcohol, even cigarettes. So i was very very clear headed. The first time in almost 6 years. Had time to think about where tf my life has landed me.

2. I realized how fucking truly bad our relationship was. And came to the conclusion that if we stayed together. One, if not both of us was gonna end up in a casket. Whether it be from pills or not. It was gonna happen.

3. I realized that i deserved wayyyy better. Relationship wise. Life wise. I deserved someone who could push me in the healthy direction. Make positive choices. I felt like instead of maturing, i was still trapped in an 18 yr olds mentality.

4. I ended it. And that time i meant it. There's nothing she could offer me. That would make me go back. Not a million dollars, not a billion, not even all the stars in the sky. I have nothing for her.

5. I met someone who treats me amazing now. Who pushes me. Keeps me away from the shit. I've been pain pill free for 5 months and its staying that way.

And for once... I'm starting to actually feel happy. Genuinely. I was prescribed anti depressants, anti anxiety, and a sleep disorder med. I stopped taking the anti depressants because they made it worse. But im to the point where the good days finally out weigh the bad. And when the bad come, i roll with it.

For the new year. I have a few goals.

1. Continue all the hard work ive put into myself. Keep eating healthy. Keep exercising. Keep pushing myself forward. No more settling for less what what i truly want.

2. Stay tf away from pain pills. 👍 keep fighting that demon in me who whispers how good I would feel or how one wouldn't hurt...

3. Quit smoking cigs. They're killing me. My lungs hurt all the time.

4. Continue bettering my life. I got away from her for 4 months and i had my own home, vehicle, and a high paying easy job. Brought her back for a month, had a suicidal moment. But she's gone and im in a great relationship. And I'm fucking HAPPY!

5. Quit being so fucking hard on myself. I hate the way i look, i hate my body. But they can be changed. Stress over things that need it but relax more. I'm 24. I still have time.

I STILL HAVE FUCKIN TIME

#mine #personal #journal #diary #dear diary #my diary #my words #my escape #my post #getting better #one step at a time

[paramedicsuicide]

First responder suicide -- PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the "red headed step child" of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a "typical" shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2.  My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can't tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating "lunch" out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. "Ill be diabetic by the end of the week" I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC's turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. "Anything to get out of this job" I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night.  Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don't have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today-- "With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking". I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud-- "Great, another bullshit call". Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think -- "I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don't have to walk back outside". Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. "That's not good" I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke.  As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. "That doesn't make sense" I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god-- he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again-- and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That's not great news. This kid hasn't made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician-- "why did you bring him here and not children's hospital".  I bite my tongue-- its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head-- "they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further". As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. "Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation".  Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn't seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police.  She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. "Are you ok?". "I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?" "WTF was that all about?". I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every "bad" call I've taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren't. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. "Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration". I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy-- take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with "Hello", not with "whats the chief complaint". I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. "Did you hear?". Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. "That kid -- he has a brain bleed". My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don't make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week-- "Are you sure you are ok?".  My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. "Id rather die than come into work tonight". "Pull out in front of this semi truck-- we wont feel a thing I promise". "Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot". In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life-- I am apathetic about living. I'm not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal?  I have to answer one question before I leave. "Where will I go?"   I am burnt out. Everyone says "go to nursing school", but the passion-- the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I'm up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn't put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don't want to wait in the waiting room.  They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes-- fighting off their own demons. "Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral". I don't try and talk these people down because they don't want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just "un-know" the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren't alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?

[glitch-slime]

#1-49

ok i answered all of them below the cut

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

probably @vinorusso

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

im shy if i dont know you but once im comfortable around you good luck getting me to shut up

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

*whispers* @jj-pepsi

4. Are you easy to get along with?

yeah! i tend to get along with most folks as long as you dont insult me and arent an asshole!

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

gosh i hope so! i’d be a giggling mess someone would need to help me!

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

answered!

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

im in one right now~

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

joseph joestar

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

depends. as long as its with someone i know well then i’m okay.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@namethatghostling @vinorusso and @icetown666

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“AAAA”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Daft Pretty Boys – Bad Suns

Passenger Side – Smallpools

I Don’t Want it at All – Kim Petras

Beware the Dog – The Griswolds

All Men Are Pigs – Studio Killers

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Y E S

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

answered!

15. What good thing happened this summer?

well the summer is just beginning but last summer i got to go to pride and have a great time with my friends

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

answered!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

oh heck no.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yup!!

20. Do you like your neighbors?

no.

21. What are you bad habits?

i pick at my nails a lot, and i also sleep way too late.

22. Where would you like to travel?

i’d love to go to japan or ireland

23. Do you have trust issues?

nah, im pretty trusting until someone betrays me.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

most of it, but mostly my tummy

26. What do you do when you wake up?

lay in bed for an hour

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

im fine with the skin im in,

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my close friends!

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no. i dont talk to my exes.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

not thinking about it atm.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes!

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

*raises eyebrows* chris pratt and chris hemsworth.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

sziob bnz n

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

me? running? playing sports? i dont think so.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv, i would miss food network though.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yup, all the time.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

they’re sweet and kind, and incredibly understanding and compassionate, they’d be the first one i think of when i wake up, and the last before i go to bed. theyre always there to listen and ready to comfort me anytime 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

stuff with comics and games!

40. What do you want to do after high school?

well im in college…so….? 

i dunno, i kinda want to be a flight attendent

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

answered!

43. Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

SPACE SPACE SPACE

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

needing to use the bathroom does the trick.

46. What are you paranoid about?

dying alone, probably.

47. Have you ever been high?

nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yup, it was wild.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

who hasnt?

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?

grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

sometimes.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i wish i didnt weigh so much.

53. Favorite makeup brand?

NYX

54. Favorite store?

it used to be gamestop, but now i work there so nah.

55. Favorite blog?

dailyjo2eph 

56. Favourite colour?

yellow, but i also like purple!

57. Favourite food?

answered!

58. Last thing you ate?

chicken wings

59. First thing you ate this morning?

uhh, nothing?

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i dont remember winning anything tbh

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope, im a good egg.

62. Been arrested? For what?

no! im a good noodle!

63. Ever been in love?

yes ;p

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

my first kiss was awful. the guy kissed me in front of my mom while she was looking wtf.

65. Are you hungry right now?

im always hungry.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tumblr friends are my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

still twitter.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

yup! food network!

70. Names of your bestfriends?

im not giving out peoples names.

71. Craving something? What?

chocolate pudding pie…

72. What colour are your towels?

various colors, but mostly purple

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

6

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

way over 100

75. Favourite animal?

i really like whales

76. What colour is your underwear?

black.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

purple cow (its black raspberry with chocolate chips)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white

80. What colour pants?

n/a

81. Favourite tv show?

cutthroat kitchen

82. Favourite movie?

Josie and the Pussycats

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

uhh ive only seen the first one once

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

uhhh? 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

flo

87. First person you talked to today?

my mom

88. Last person you talked to today?

@jj-pepsi

89. Name a person you hate?

drumpf

90. Name a person you love?

@jj-pepsi @vinorusso @namethatghostling @icetown666 and @kohomint

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

drumpf

92. In a fight with someone?

nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

like 5 pairs

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

too many

95. Last movie you watched?

Life of the Party

96. Favourite actress?

melissa mccarthy

97. Favourite actor?

chris pratt

98. Do you tan a lot?

no

99. Have any pets?

i have 3 cats

100. How are you feeling?

pretty good

101. Do you type fast?

maybe?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

i regret a lot of things.

103. Can you spell well?

not really

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nah.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

nope

108. What should you be doing?

sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now?

yup.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah

111. Do you have trust issues?

no, im pretty trusting.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i cry a lot, so i dont remember.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

never had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah, all the time.

115. Do you play the Wii?

yup, and switch, wii u, and ps4

116. Are you listening to music right now?

yeah 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes!

118. Do you like Chinese food?

love it.

119. Favourite book?

i like Percy Jackson and the Olympians series

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

nah

121. Are you mean?

i hope not!!

122. Is cheating ever okay?

no.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

nope.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yeah

125. Do you believe in true love?

heck yeah

126. Are you currently bored?

maybe a little?

127. What makes you happy?

talking with my friends

128. Would you change your name?

nah, ive gotten used to it

129. What your zodiac sign?

answered

130. Do you like subway?

yeah, subway is fine.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

?? date them maybe?? idk??

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@vinorusso​ @namethatghostling​ @icetown666​

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Hold me close and hold me fastThe magic spell you castThis is La Vie En RoseWhen you kiss me heaven sighsAnd though I close my eyesI see La Vie En RoseWhen you press me to your heartI’m in a world apartA world where roses bloomAnd when you speak…angels sing from aboveEveryday words seem…to turn into love songsGive your heart and soul to meAnd life will always beLa Vie En Rose

134. Can you count to one million?

i mean theoretically, yes. in reality? im not doing that shit.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

cant really think of anything.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

either way! some nights i forget to close it, but it also doesnt stay closed

137. How tall are you?

5 feet 6 inches!

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have straight hair!

139. Brunette or Blonde?

im a brunette!

140. Summer or Winter?

summer, i hate shoveling snow

141. Night or Day?

answered!

142. Favourite month?

October!

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nah, meat all the way dude.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee

146. Was today a good day?

debatable.

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars?? im not a fan of snickers. milky way is my favorite candy bar

148. What’s your favourite quote?

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream. - Vincent Van Gogh

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

answered!

#me #ask #ask me #Anonymous

[magicrobins]

Dare you to answer all 100 of those questions

Well shit man I feel challenged.

All questions answered under the cut.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

As in boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope, single af over here :P

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Uhh probs? I mean I don’t really remember but it probably wasn’t a big thing.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

My kitty, my little pumpkin, Freckles uwu

4: What’s something you really want right now?

To finish answering these questions? JK JK lmao!

I’d really like to see one of my best friends again, for like more than just one day but like I always really want that.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

In a way, yes. I’m afraid that I’ll fall in love with someone I’m not meant to be with and have my heart broken. I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with someone who won’t like that I’m sex repulsed, who won’t like that I don’t think I’d want to have kids, or at least little kids/babies. I know the right person won’t mind any of that, but I’m afraid of falling for the wrong person before I fall for the right one.

6: Do you like the beach?

Yes! I like looking for seashells but I stay the fuck away from the ocean.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

I haven’t fallen asleep on a couch, that I’m aware of, but one of my best friends and I cuddled on one while relaxing during a 24 film contest.

8: What’s the background on your cell?

A picture of Korrasami from the LOK comic.

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Name the last four beds?? Uh my own, my dad’s, and my sister’s?

10: Do you like your phone?

Meh. It’s a good phone but since some iOS update, it’s been a real bitch. :/

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Ahahahaha no. Some things are nice, some things are… what they are. I didn’t plan to spend four years at MJC but I’m getting my AA degree at the end of this year. I didn’t plan to want to continue my schooling and get a Bachelor’s/Master’s in archaeology but that’s because I’d y’know buried that dream deep down ‘cause I thought I wasn’t smart enough (still sometimes feel like that but I got this, don’t worry). I didn’t plan to actually get into theater and want to minor in theater. I didn’t plan to get hella into Dungeons & Dragons and play in two campaigns, DMing one, and uploading the videos to YouTube but hey, I like how that turned out. I didn’t plan on being stuck with writer’s block majority of the time and restarting the same book over ten times. All in all, life’s not really going how I’d planned but at the same time, I hadn’t really made a plan. I just sort of let it take its course, I guess?

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Oh a friend of a friend’s who joined this RPG campaign that’s based on the Dresden Files. She was added to the group chat so I added her number. :)

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Uhh I’d rather have both, duh.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional by far. I’ve dealt with physical pain for like four years now in my left shoulder (finally getting that fixed this summer) and while it can hurt so much that it makes me cry, I’ll take it over emotional pain. That’s probs not a good thing but that’s how I feel.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

I like the zoo, but I’d rather go to an art museum. I adore museums and don’t go to them as often as I’d like.

16: Are you tired?

Who isn’t? It’s past 11pm rn so yeah, I am lol.

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

My first phone contact was probs my parents and sister so my whole life lol.

18: Are they a relative?

Yep ;P

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

I have one ex and I’d have to say no. Nothing against him, it’s just that I don’t have romantic feelings for him. I don’t want to date someone I don’t have romantic feelings for.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

Not like a kiss on the cheek, I’m guessing? If so, then no one :P

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

Mm, I’d probs say yes if they proposed. A wedding takes time to plan though! ;P

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Haven’t ever kissed anyone -shrugs-

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

None, but I usually wear at least one on my right wrist if I’m not wearing long sleeves.

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

No really, sorry.

25: What’s on your mind?

“Dear God, there’s a lot of questions!” lmao

26: Do you have any tattoos?

Nope. I’d like some but I’m terrified of pain and needles. ^^”””

27: What is your favorite color?

Red!

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Shit idk? At this point it’s looking like never lmao

29: Who are you texting?

No one atm. Last person I sent a text to was my sis.

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

…Y’all just keep wanting to rub in that I ain’t ever kissed anyone before lmao!

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Probably. :| I also probably caused that bad thing to happen.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

Yep! uwu

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I mean there’s someone I’d love to have feelings for me but no, I don’t think so. It might be the insecurities talking, but no one, to my knowledge, has had feelings for me in a while.

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Uhh aside from parents or family?? Shit I can’t remember, but y’know what? I have damn pretty eyes. I have pretty hazel eyes ok lmao.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

Then that person would be kissing air ‘cause I haven’t ever kissed anyone lmaooo

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Every Valentine’s Day, yes. :’)

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Yes. I’m friends with Nobody. xDDD

38: What do your friends call you?

Depends on the friends and when they met me. Friends who I’ve known since high school called me by my full first name, “Briana.” Friends I’ve met online or at college call me by my nickname, “Anna.”

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Not that I can think of… Irritated, sure, but not really upset.

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Pfffffffffffffffffffffft…. Of course.

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

Uhh I don’t have any atm but probs on my leg?

42: What is it from?

Hell if I know -shrugs-

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

That hasn’t been for a while… I usually feel this way when I go to class in the beginning when I don’t really know anyone, especially if I’m put in front of the class to talk. (This happened a lot in the beginning of the acting class I took.)

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My dad. Called him to let him know the fucking hide away door was busted again… I hate that door.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

All of my boots. uwu

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Yep! Mostly depends on the outfit, but majority of the time I’ll wear this Code Geass hat I have.

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Fuck no.

48: Do you make supper for your family?

Pffft no.

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes.

50: Top 3 web-pages?

According to Chrome, the top three I go to is YouTube, Tumblr, and Facebook.

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Maybe? I’m not sure.

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

My left shoulder. For the past four years. :’)

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Depending on who they’re with. Saying “goodbye” to one of my best friends when he moved to Arizona was… that was painful.

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Probs Dr. Pepper.

55: How is your hair?

Fine atm. It’s not combed but I don’t mind how it looks rn.

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Check my phone.

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

Yes, anythings possible.

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

When aren’t I? Lol yes, I was.

59: Green or purple grapes?

Meh either is fine with me.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Idk, when they need it?

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

…I’m not sure, tbh.

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

Tomorrow? Idk.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Home, in bed. :P

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Sleeping ;P

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Yes.

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Absolutely.

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

My cat lmao

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I don’t really remember, sorry :/

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Probably.

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

Two - five tabs in Chrome though.

71: How many fingers do you have?

…Ten?

72: What is your ringtone?

Just some generic ring tone.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Still 23 :P

74: Where is your Mum right now?

At her house probs.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

Let’s go with “almost in love” ‘cause idk wtf falling in love feels and idk if you can fall in love with someone who you have strong feelings for but never dated.

To answer the question, though: ‘cause I was a closeted af idiot. I mean, in all honesty, I understand why I was closeted. I was refusing to admit to even myself that I wasn’t straight. I get why I was so scared but like… in hindsight I wish I’d been open with myself and open with this person.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

Nope.

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Absolutely!

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

…Wtf is year 7? Is that 7th grade? If so, I was homeschooled then so didn’t have a crush. :P

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

I have a few family members with that name.

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Nope.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

Mm one person but that’s just ‘cause I legitly don’t know how to move on, like no one’s really told me a good way to move on so my brain is just like “What to do with these unrequited feelings fuck :|”

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

I have ;D lmao

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Mm probs not? Not unless they text me. I texted them yesterday, didn’t get a response but I know they’ve been busy.

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

Idk? I don’t drink so idk why I’d get drunk.

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Yes.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

I saw Black Panther. Enough said. uwu

87: Who was your last received call from?

Probs the hospital to schedule an appointment?

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

Wtf no!! DDD:

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Either money specifically to pay for school, or filming equipment so I can film the D&D sessions how I’d like to film them. :|

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Maybe? Idk.

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Nope. Door open but window closed.

92: Do you get along with girls?

Lmao I like to think so.

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Um idk? I mean I’ve never told the person I had (have?) strong feelings for that I’ve had those feelings and how long I’ve felt that way but like idk if they need to know that?

94: Does sex mean love?

No. You can have sex without love and love without sex.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

I’d be alone. :|

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

Idk does Nobody have a lip ring? lmaoooo

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Nope, I have my cat and my dog. uwu

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

Yes. I have my friends, my pets, and someone special to me.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes. I don’t believe everyone experiences it - everyone falls in love in different ways - but I believe it’s possible.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

Uhhhh idk? That was probs years ago?

#i dID IT #-collapses- #ask anna #magicanon #my life

[fineartwhore]

Can you do the entire unusual asks pls for me babe

oh of course lmao

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Umm sometimes I like to pretend I’m someone else but usually that person ends up sucking? So no, I guess not.

2: What is your full name?

Beaver Head William

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

Um I’m 22 going on 23 and idk not a lot of people ask my age.

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

Nah. Never. Just kidding I just realized that literally not a single one o yall knows my hair is blue unless you’ve met me in person.

5: What’s your eye color?

Brown

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

Um???? It took me a while to get here but I am pretty okay with my body, minus the crippling gender dysphoria literally every single day. Tattoos help me with this though.

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

Uuuuummmmm HELL YEAH! I have like 24 or maybe 25 tattoos and two piercings. 

8: What would you say is your best quality?

Ummm wow good question I guess my ability to stay level headed in 90% of situations and give good advice.

9: What are you really bad at?

Being romantic. Lmao. Also stress management lmao.

10: What talent do you wish you had?

It’s not a talent but wow i really wish i could fucking read.

11: Are you nice to everyone?

I try to be.

12: What do you think about the most?

Wow that is a hard question. Right now all I think about is beating this level on Two Dots, and also Pusheen. I really love pusheen wtf.

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

Like: My bone structure, my hair, my tattoos, artistic ability

Dislike: My anxiety and assigned gender.

14: What is your least favorite word?

‘Moist.’

15: What is your favorite word?

Amazing

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

God I really try to be like my dad. When I was a kid my dad used to tell me I was just like my mother in a really bad way and since then I’ve been like FUCK that

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Uhh unless I was at work and being paid to, probably not.

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

When I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but usually only about something small or situational.

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

Nah.

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

Yeah.

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

Only in terms of dogs, tbh.

23: Are looks important?

Well yeah just don’t get carried away.

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

As long as its legal, go for it.

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?

I am at the moment lol.

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

Of course

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

YES

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

Yeah.

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes, definitely.

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

Idk she went to maine for a few days and i was like really sure i was in love with her and then she came back and i was like oh nvmd idk it was a weird day.

31: How does someone win your heart?

Honestly, my standards have never been very high.

32: What turns you on?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

33: What turns you off?

im constantly in a state of turned off tbhhhh

34: Do you get jealous easily?

Not in a relationship way but like if someone i work with or do stuff with gets different treatment than i do im like wtf do they hate me

35: What is your definition of cheating?

I feel like I can’t talk for other people in other relationships because sometimes people are into different things but if u date someone else while I am under the assumption that we are dating, then you just cheated on me pal.

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends.

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

Not that I know of.

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

No.

39: How often do you listen to music?

Every day.

40: First concert you attended

Beach Boys, but the drummer had just died or was in the hospital or something and so John Stamos played drums.

41: Last movie you watched

I watched the tail end of the Emperor’s New Groove a few hours ago.

42: Favorite type of movie

Idk I don’t really watch them

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

No literally even terrible, scarring things that happened to me I talk about like hey wanna hear for the thirteenth time about how my piece of shit boyfriend invited me over to his house when i was 16 when his parents weren’t home and touched me and I had no idea how to tell him i didn’t want it because i was a fucking child? me neither. lol. I overshare.

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Uhhhhhh no not at all.

45: Do you fall in love easily?

With dogs, yeah, with people no.

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

No. Say it all the damn time. Love makes the world go around. Just….never ever stop loving.

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

Halloweeeeeen

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

Yeah. No.

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

There’s this place out in central PA that I drove through once, and like for a few hours beforehand we were just aimlessly driving through trees, and the trees are so thick in pennsylvania that underneath them it looks like night time and then you emerge and it’s like still day time. The sun was setting and I just remember coming up over this hill covered in wind turbines, and it was honestly like nothing I had ever seen. I love feeling small.

50: What’s your “type”?

Um? Someone who gets me and gets that I am a really fidgety person and im really inconsistent about my expression of feelings. 

#ask #donna

[daddyconfessions]

daddy’s journal: 3/3/16

journal entry 2/26 journal entry 2/17

Monday Feb 22 Bubbles text me first thing that morning. She wanted to see if I was available Wednesday afternoon. I was :) She told me we could have a late lunch wherever I wanted and of course we could have some fun afterwards. I picked one of the most happening spots in town and the date was set.

I like that about Bubbles. She has no problem being seeing out with me. No place is off limits. The restaurant I picked is one I’d tried to take Firecracker, but she had respectfully declined. She’s scared who’d see her. “I know a lot of people and it could hurt my reputation,” or some bullshit like that she had said. We’ve been together almost 7 months now and it’s still a problem.

Not Bubbles though. She was down for whatever. If things worked out, I would reward her for it. But not yet. It was still too early. We’ve only been at this barely a month. I’d give it another month and then see where we were. I plan on keeping FC. She depends on my allowance to pay her rent and other miscellaneous bills so I can’t just cut her off. I do still care for her. But there will be no more Louis bags and shoes and definitely no more Celine bags. I had tried to get her out of town but I wasn’t really interested any more in taking her. I’m putting all that on Bubbles if she stays consistent. We’ll see.

Tuesday Feb 23 It was almost close to noon when Firecracker sent me a text wanting to reschedule our meet. She wanted to move it to Thursday. Also, she hadn’t gotten dressed yet. Something about oversleeping and wouldn’t have enough time to get ready. It was cool. She’s my princess. She can do no wrong. That’s one of the handicaps with dating a 22 year old. They always sleep to noon. 1pm. I’m used to it.

Late afternoon I hit up my contact at the museum. Wanted to see if I had landed the contract. She came back after an hour and told me I had lost out on the bid. Damn. I could have really used their business. Then I started ticking off in my mind all the reasons why I might have lost out on the deal. Everything from logo design, stationary to bidding too low. I probably was overreacting so I shrugged it off. Deals come and go. One thing I know is I need to find me a new assistant. Even with my job situation being shaky, I still need a soldier to carry out my bidding. I think I’ll start looking for one next week.

I was feeling a little down since I hadn’t seen Firecracker and had lost out on the contract. Rough start for the week.  I picked up the phone and texted Kim. Her pic she’d sent was still in my mind. She answered right away.  We did the usual back and forth before setting up a time and place. Then I decided to turn up the heat a bit. I told her I wanted to be her SD. She took several minutes to respond. “Yes baby sounds good.” I told her she was just saying that. But she replied, “No, I would like to.” I was just doing it for sport.

Its hard enough turning a stripper into a girlfriend or SB, but add in a pimp and its almost impossible. Beyond the money you have to break the hold her pimp has on her. Unless you’re another pimp good luck. You have to restore her self-worth. Restore her self esteem. Show her that she deserves to keep the money she makes and not give it to a man. I could go on and on. But I painted a pic of how she wouldn’t have to work as hard, etc., Kim didn’t really respond. Just said “Ok.” She told me she definitely wanted to see me and that I should text her when I get the room.

The problem with seeing escorts is the only want to come after you’ve gotten the room. A bloke could be sitting in the room for an hour or more waiting. I told her to just start heading my way and by the time she got close I’d have the room and stuff. Kim said she would but I knew she wouldn’t.

I left work and headed to the hotel. I was kind of excited to see Kim. It had been almost two weeks. I got the room, went inside and flopped down behind my laptop to kept working. Well actually I was sending out resumes. My job situation had me shaky. I figured she’d be at least 30 minutes later. But I was wrong. About 40 minutes later she texted and said traffic was bad. She even sent a pic of the bumper to bumper traffic.

That was the last I ever heard from her. About 20 minutes after her last text which put me at an hour of waiting, I sent her a text asking where she was. No answer. I waited another 10 minutes and texted again. Nothing. Fuck it. Tuesday’s just not my day. Surely the sugar gods have come to collect on the successful weeks were there was a different girl every day. I packed up my laptop and bounced.

That’s the end for Kim.

I wasn’t looking forward to my date with Bubbles the next day. I was still tired and feeling some type of way with these chicks cancelling on me. Plus I was tired from working all weekend closing one of our business locations. Still I managed to pop by the barber to get my hair right. Get the scraggy hair off my face and trim the goatee. Popped by the cleaners before it closed to pick up my clothes. My assistant used to pick it up for me but sans assistant I had to do it myself. I went home and exfoliated the face with some peach scrub. By 11pm that night, I was ready for my date with Bubbles despite the probability she might cancel. I didn’t feel like blogging on tumblr either. Too tired. I wanted to do my journal entry (February 2/24) but I was beat.

Wednesday Feb 24 I jumped up and got dressed in some Polo jeans and sweater, Polo shirt, nice shirt underneath. My wife was combing my daughter’s hair in our room. “You look nice dad,” my daughter told me. Means a lot coming from her. She’s 12 and has no filter. She’s had me changing clothes more than once. By the time I finished getting dressed, my daughter had left the room.

“When am I going to get some dick,” my wife asked. I was like uhhhh. “You been slacking lately.” Damn I probably ain’t hit in almost 2 months. And she won’t be getting any this week either. “Soon baby,” I said. “Soon.”

I’d been at work a couple of hours when Bubbles texted me. She confirmed our date. An hour before I was about to leave the CEO and CFO invited me into a conference call with some Russians. I was thinking they were just some Russians as in living in the United States. But no, we were doing a video conference with some chaps in St. Petersburg. With business so shoddy in the states, the big boys were turning to Russia for opportunities. I kind of liked it, but I also knew that could possibly mean a trip to Russia in the future for me. An hour later the call was still going. Now I’m starting to sweat bullets. I have to meet Bubbles in 30 minutes or so. Looks like I was going to have push things to 2pm with her. I hoped my rescheduling didn’t kill things. But the sugar gods decided to redeem themselves from the day before. Bubbles texted me before I could text her, telling me she was running late. She’d got out of class late and was on her way to her car.

Thirty minutes later she text again to say she would need an additional 15 minutes. So we ended up pushing the whole thing to 2pm anyway.

When the meeting was over, the big boys wanted to talk. Fuck! After 15 minutes they dismissed us and we all left. I went and locked up my office and hit the parking garage. Half hour later I pulled up to the restaurant. Even though it was after lunch, there were Range Rovers, couple of Rolls Royce’s, and a Aston Martin in the valet section. I went in and she was there sitting on a bench. Looking pretty af. Even better, waiting for me daddy : )

Instinctively I walked up and when she looked up and bent over and gave her a full kiss on the lips. She gave a little tongue back. The hostesses, 3 of them actually, were looking like WTF? I love this life sometimes. They came alive too and hurried up and found us a table.  

It was nice walking into the restaurant with Bubbles. She was completely unbothered by being seen with me which somehow validated how I felt about myself at the moment.  I was Polo’d down, feeling dapper. The waitress showed us to a cozy table. Part of me wanted to sit right next to B, but I sat across from her instead so I could stare into those pretty brown eyes.

Lunch was fabulous. We talked about everything seemingly. You know you’re into someone when the world around you ceases to exist and you’re both leaning forward looking into each others eyes about to kiss. By the end of the date she was touching my hand again. Laughing up every other thing I said. She was either genuinely into me or this girl had some helluva game. Girls like bubbles bring the best out of me. I already wanted to take her shopping. That little beat up car she had I wanted to replace. I want to spoil her rotten. She’s the kind of girl you just want to be with. Hang out with. Sex is secondary. When you see her you just want to hug and kiss on her. Hang out her place, when she’s in sweats and no makeup and just watch TV and eat Cheetos and shit. I’m rambling. Either way I was on her hook and I planned on staying there for the foreseeable future.

We both realized it was time to  head to the hotel. Half hour later we were kissing in the hotel room. I love the way Bubbles kisses. She likes to suck my tongue when she kisses. She also likes to try and shove her tongue down my throat too. I don’t know why but I love that shit. Bubbles barely got off her shoes pants and underwear before I pushed her onto the desk in the room. She looked at me with the quizzical look as I sat down in the desk chair in front of her. I grabbed both legs and lifted them up, spreading her wide, until her feet were resting on desk. I dove right into that pretty pink muff, assaulting the clit with my tongue. I rotated between sucking it and licking it. Bubbles fell back onto the wall behind the desk and grabbed my head. She looked down at me with this mean look on her face. I couldn’t quite decipher it but it didn’t matter. I was licking that kitty like it was no tomorrow. I took two fingers and slid them in. It took a bit of effort since that kitty’s so tight. I lifted my fingers up and went back and forth firmly as I kept thrashing the clit with my tongue. Suddenly her hand fell off my head and she grabbed my ear. “Eat my fucking pussy” she demanded. I looked up and her head fell back on the wall and her eye closed. Her stomach bounced up/down rapidly and she twitched a little. Babygirl had cum.

Bubbles was multi-orgasmic so I just kept on going repeating what I’d done to make her cum. Her legs got tired of being on the desk, so one fell off. I took my hand out of the kitty and lifted her leg so that it was resting on my shoulder. I moved in closer to make it more comfortable. I took her other foot and moved it so that it could rest on my other shoulder. Then I slid my fingers back and went to work again. She came once more and slumped down on the desk. She nearly fell off too. Time to move to the bed.

Bubbles has a female roommate who she fucks from time to time. I usually take whatever a SB says and multiply it by two to get the real story which means they’re probably tribbing quite often. Or, she’s has another female she’s seeing regularly. And girls make the best kitty lickers. So…I had to show out. As I said in my last journal entry, winning over Bubbles would take more than just money. In the end its all for sport. Even if I fail, I would have had fun trying.

We started kissing when we got to the bed. Bubbles was licking my face and lips, trying to taste that kitty. She’s so nasty. As she laid back and went at that kitty again. I couldn’t tell if my face was wet from her kitty or from all the saliva she’d left trying to taste it.

After one more nut, I slapped on a condom. I got the tip in before she started wincing and moving back. She just couldn’t take the dick. I took my time, roughly a few minutes before I was able to get it in and get a decent motion. “God your dick is so fucking fat…” she said. I noticed Bubbles likes to get vulgar when I with her. Kind of like it. We tried intercourse but after a few minutes she asked if I could finish in her mouth. I said yes but I kept on stroking. I shifted angles and was able to get further inside. She seemed to like it. “Just keep on fucking me like that…” she said. And I did, trying to get more of me in her. But still she threw in the towel and we switched. She got on her knees in between my legs and shared her knowledge. I came in less than a minute. This girl’s enlightened I tell you.

She sat back and rubbed both my legs and asked, “Was that good baby.” I looked up just in time to see a drop of cum slide down the side of her mouth. She chuckled and swiped it up with a finger. She put it in her mouth and smiled. “I never lose drop.”

God I love this girl.

That night Firecracker hit me up. We exchanged about 2 or 3 text before we set up a time for Thursday. I was looking forward to it actually. Firecracker’s got some good pussy for a 22 year old. I can’t wait to see my princess.

Bubbles texted too. Thank me for a wonderful date. I thanked her for making an old man feel special. Making me feel good. She told me I wasn’t old and that age was just a number. She said I was very handsome and that she was glad she’d met me. “And you got some good oral skills too,” she added. Not sure if she gassing me up or not, but I liked it.

Thursday Feb. 25. More bullshit from Firecracker. She hit me up around noon asking if she could be a little late to the meeting. She had to do some school stuff.  2 hours later she just cancelled altogether.  WTF?  I’m sure what happened is she slept until noon instead of getting up and running her errands. When I said a few things about it she was like, “Its not big deal. We still have Friday, Saturday and Sunday.”

Then I got upset. She’s being disrespectful. Well I should say she’s not respecting my time. I do a lot to juggle things so that I can be with her. Princess is a priority. So for her to just minimize my shit to “it’s no big deal” had me feeling some type of way.

And no we didn’t have Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I was hooking up with Bubbles again. Sunday was family day.

No tumblr blogging tonight.

Friday Feb 26th Around noon Firecracker knocks on the hotel room door. I let her in…She’s a trainwreck. Eyes watery, makeup done enough just to be ok for our meet. She tells me how her cycle is coming and she’s been crying all day over little shit. I sat on the bed and pulled her to me. I told her “You is fine and You is beautiful and You is Smart and You is having a bad day…” we both laughed. I told her we could cancel but she said she didn’t want to. “You can’t be rough today,” she smiled.

Lately I had turned it up a bit with her. Hair pulling, choking, spanking. In the 6 months I’ve known her she’s matured a lot both mentally, physically and sexually. I picked up on the fact that her fuckboy’s were weak. The latest had been scared to really fuck her because she was so pretty. He treated her like a precious gift, but really she wanted to be manhandled. She wanted a man to run that pussy. I lowkey accepted the new requirement and had stepped up my game.

But today, she just needed to be loved. I ate the kitty and usually after two orgasms she tries to scoot away. I had my hands around her legs and stomach. When the third one was near I clamped down. As anticipated she tried to run, but she could go nowhere. “Baby I can’t take anymore….” But I was merciless. “Baby baby stop,” but I refused. I told her if she felt like peeing to go ahead. She looked up and gave me that “how do you know look”. Then she said, “No. I’m not doing that. No.”

I set her free she scattered across the bed from me like she was scared suddenly. I coaxed her back over to me then I spent a few minutes kissing and rubbing her body all over. I sucked where appropriate – neck, breast, earlobes. Then went inside her and I stayed there for a good 20 mintes. Just fucking her and fucking her and fucking her. Its like her body was calling me. She came twice before I finally did. Afterwards I lay beside her, sweating profusely from all the work. FC did something surprising; she rolled over and laid on me. She’s never done that. I took her in my arms and held her tight. After a few moments, probably minutes, I could tell she was crying still. I took her by the chin and raised her head up. “Are you crying?” I asked. She nodded.

Now I’m worried. I’ve been around lots of women. So I’ve seen the symptoms of being on period. But my princess was crying a little too much. I’m suspecting something else is going on. But now is not the time to talk about it.

About 30 minutes later FC was getting dressed. She was happy. Bouncing around the room, talking shit about this and that. Back to her old self. No tears. All the shit she said she wouldn’t be doing that night, had changed to I’m going here. Then me and my girls are going there. Then we’ll probably end up over there.

That’s my baby.

Before she left I pulled her to me. I asked her if anyone had hurt her. She shrugged and said no. Then I dug deeper. I asked if any fuckboy had hurt her. Or, had her ex-boyfriend come back and hurt her?

But she said it was nothing. Blamed it all on her period. We said our goodbyes. She made it to her car before I did mine. She backed out and peeled off. Suddenly she was on a mission. I was really confused now.

That night I hooked up with some of the recently laid off co-workers. One of them was the Oracle. She said she would get there early if I wanted to go ahead and come. So I took the opportunity. I needed to run this Firecracker stuff by her.

We ended up meeting at the same place I’d taken Bubbles on our first date. Crazy. Me and the Oracle were the only ones there. After a brief catchup I asked her about FC. Told her the whole story about missing our dates and including her crying in the room.

The Oracle was like, “Three things likely happened. Her boyfriend managed to get back in with her and hurt her. Or she met some new dude that hurt her feelings or, it really was her period. I mean I been cranky and tearful before when I was on my period. Not wanting to leave the house. Just sitting around crying. Or, it could be a combination of 2 of the three. My gut tells me she’s having some man problems.”

I raised my margarita glass. The Oracle raised hers. We clicked them and I said, “I got to talk to you more often.” She smiled. “Yes you do! But I wouldn’t worry about her. Sounds like you got her mind right. Got her feeling good about herself. That’s what you’re there for big Daddy.” We both chuckled.

Saturday Feb 27th Bubbles text and cancelled our date for that afternoon. It was cool. I was still a little hung over from the night before. And after working all last weekend I just wanted to lie around the house and do nothing. By this point I was used to being cancelled on.

I ended up sleeping all day. My wife came home that afternoon and got in the bed with me and went to sleep as well. I don’t think I’ve laid around the house all day in almost a year. Felt good. Then  I got a weird text. It ended up being one of my other co-workers. My plug! My Cohibas had come in. He sent a pic too

Just in time too. I was down to my last 2. Fresh

Not a bad end to a rough week…..

#sugar tales #daddy's journal

[whyldkratts]

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

[shogunpenny]

Answer all 100

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?: Not romantically, no2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?: Oh fuck this is a tough one. She cheated on me, but being the christian that I am, i’m called to forgive people who wrong me, no matter how badly. So reluctantly, yes. (doesn’t mean i’ve forgotten it, or will act like it never happened) 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17: “He closed his eyes, but he could still see himself, huddling like a rabbit with nowhere left to run, Aes Sedai closing round him like ravens”4: What’s something you really want right now?: A girlfriend5: Are you afraid of falling in love?: Not particularly6: How can I win your heart?: Buy me a sword7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?: nope8: What’s the background on your cell?: Currently its a default background because last month my phone decided to completely reset itself. Previously it was Gabe Newell9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?: What10: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?: Yeah11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?: My life is a trainwreck, but tbh I don’t know what I expected12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?: My sister’s13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?: Rottweiler, but not a huge preference14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?: Seeing as how my depression limits the amount of emotions I can feel at one time, physical.15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?: A zoo16: Are you tired?: Always17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?: Since I was born18: If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?: This year probably19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?: Incredibly unlikely, I wanted to think of an amusing analogy, but my mind has gone blank, so basically God would have to manifest into a physical form and start yelling at me to do it before I would consider it20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?: I’ve never kissed anyone romantically21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?: *Smashes that mf marriage button* Fuck yeah!22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?: Read Above23: When was the last time you were disappointed?: Every fucking day by myself24: Is there a certain quote you live by?: Probably risky to say cus the majority of tumblr hates him, but I love Jontron’s quote “If I can’t be the best at something, I sure as hell can be the worst25: What’s on your mind?: “Fucking hell i’ve still got 75 more of these”26: Do you have any tattoos?: No but i’d love to get one some day.27: What is your favorite color?: Purple28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?: Idk?? I can’t see into the future. Hopefully soon??29: Who are you texting?: Nobody atm30: Are you superstitious about anything?: Not legitimately31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?: Yep. shortly before I found out my ex was cheating on me I had lots of anxiety that she might be doing something of that sort. Usually my anxiety is unfounded, so it really sucks when its not. 32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?: Yeah, a few33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?: Feelings? For MY me?? (It’s not likely at all) 34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?: Not really35: What was the reason for your last breakup?: See Above36: Were you single on Valentines Day?: Not this last one37: Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike: uhh. I literally cannot think of one physical thing I like about myself, whereas there are many I dislike38: What do your friends call you?: Most of them call me Penny39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?: Not badly, no40: Have you ever cried over a text?: No41: Where’s your last bruise located?: Is it particularly normal to keep track of bruises? I don’t know42: What is it from?: I don’t know, I don’t even know if I have any bruises currently43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?: I can’t say i’ve been anywhere particularly terrible in such a way, atleast not physically44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?: My Mom45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?: I only have one pair of shoes, as sad as that sounds. I actually have a another but they’re so worn out they can barely be called shoes anymore, and I only wear them when i’m going outside really quickly.46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?: Not much anymore. I used to wear hats all the fucking time when I was young, similar to a security blanket sort of thing, until a few years ago I just stopped47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?: No48: Do you make supper for your family?: Very often, yes. I swear my family would starve sometimes if they didn’t have me to make the food49: What’s the toughest decision you made this year?: I’ve barely made any decisions this year, everything’s basically just been thrust upon me50: Top 3 web-pages?: A private forum where some of my friends and I hang out, Youtube, and Tumblr51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?: My dad and brother52: Does anything on your body hurt?: Not without messing with it. I have some acne, and a weird boil thing under my arm that hurts slightly if I mess with them53: Are goodbyes hard for you?: Depends if its permanent or for a long time. If so, yeah. 54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?: Probably coffee55: How is your hair?: Usually it likes to tangle and is rather coarse, but right now its not particularly bad in either of those regards.56: What do you usually do first in the morning?: Go back to sleep57: Do you think two people can last forever?: Yeah58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?: I was 9 years old. 9 year olds aren’t typically known to have SOs59: Green or purple grapes?: Purple60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?: Probably tomorrow for my mom61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?: I wish I was in Israel, laying Jerusalem under siege with the lads. Deus Vult.62: What did your father teach you?: Many Things. 63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?: In bed, asleep64: What were you doing at 8 this morning: Sleeping65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?: Not really66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?: Any of my friends67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?: Not romantically, but yes68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?: Who the fuck can remember the last thing they thought before falling asleep? Like wtf can people do that? things just get progressively more and more hazy as I fall asleep, and the chances are my last thought is something completely random and unrelated to anything69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: Every time I draw70: How many windows are open on your computer?: 3, Skype, Steam and Firefox71: If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first?: Probably just put a lot of it into a savings account or something so I can make sure I live a comfortable life without having to work72: What is your ringtone?: Twilight of the Thunder God73: How old will you be in 5 months?: Still 1974: Where is your Mum right now?: Probably asleep75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?: Its really hard to love someone who cheats on you76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?: Yes, my niece.77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?: for the most part, yeah78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?: No79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?: A few people80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?: Excluding my mother’s when I was a babby, no81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?: Not including every girl I see, probably like 282: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?: I hope not83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?: Not unless she somehow materializes into my house84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?: umm i doubt i’m above getting drunk, but definitely above harassing people like that85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?: Depends on the drugs, and just how much she was into them. If she smoked weed every once in a while, who gives a shit? 86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?: Umm, I got to see the movie?? 87: Who was your last received call from?: My mom88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?: like, I hate cruelty to animals and shit but fuck man, that’s a thousand bucks we’re talking about. 89: What is something you wish you had more of?: Money90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?: my ex91: Do you sleep with your window open?: Only in the summer when the AC hasn’t been turned on92: Do you get along with girls?: All of my coworkers save for one are girls, so yeah. 93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?: No94: Does sex mean love?: Not necessarily95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?: See Above, have never kissed anyone romantically96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?: See Above97: Did you sleep alone this week?: This week, and every week of my life98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?: Not one specific person, but my friends usually do the trick99: Do you believe in love at first sight?: Not really100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?: I don’t think I ever have pinky promised anyone

That took way too long

[bnymedic]

First responder suicide – PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the “red headed step child” of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a “typical” shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2.  My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can’t tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating “lunch” out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. “Ill be diabetic by the end of the week” I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC’s turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. “Anything to get out of this job” I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night.  Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don’t have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today– “With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking”. I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud– “Great, another bullshit call”. Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think – “I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don’t have to walk back outside”. Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. “That’s not good” I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke.  As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. “That doesn’t make sense” I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god– he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again– and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That’s not great news. This kid hasn’t made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician– “why did you bring him here and not children’s hospital”.  I bite my tongue– its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head– “they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further”. As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. “Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation”.  Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn’t seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police.  She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. “Are you ok?”. “I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?” “WTF was that all about?”. I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every “bad” call I’ve taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren’t. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. “Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration”. I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy– take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with “Hello”, not with “whats the chief complaint”. I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. “Did you hear?”. Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. “That kid – he has a brain bleed”. My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don’t make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week– “Are you sure you are ok?”.  My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. “Id rather die than come into work tonight”. “Pull out in front of this semi truck– we wont feel a thing I promise”. “Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot”. In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life– I am apathetic about living. I’m not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal?  I have to answer one question before I leave. “Where will I go?”   I am burnt out. Everyone says “go to nursing school”, but the passion– the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I’m up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn’t put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don’t want to wait in the waiting room.  They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes– fighting off their own demons. “Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral”. I don’t try and talk these people down because they don’t want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just “un-know” the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren’t alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?