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eveningclouds · 2 years

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ok well i guess i’m just wondering how you decided which school was best for you. i feel pretty overwhelmed because i have to make a decision by the end of the month and i can’t help but think that if i choose one over the other i wont reach my full potential or i wont ‘become who i’m meant to be’ if that makes sense. i feel like im already grieving all the memories/friendships i could have developed and i haven’t even settled on a decision yet. i also didn’t expect to get into the schools that i got to because the acceptance rates were so low this year. but for some strange reason they seem to want me lol. and now i have to face the reality that i could actually attend schools that i never thought i would be able to go to. my parents just want the best for me but i know they want me to go to a top school and follow in my brother’s footsteps. i’m just scared i’ll make the wrong choice and regret it. sorry for the rant… i just feel helpless :(

firstly congratulations on ur accomplishments !!! 🥳🎊💗 very happy for u

here are some things i considered when deciding where to go, & some things i wish i considered in retrospect

one thing to keep in mind is that rankings are hiiighly manipulable. universities r rly good at gaming their stats to inflate their (already subjective) ranking on usnews/wherever. & just bc a school has a large endowment doesn't necessarily mean they'll Actually Spend that money on their students. what's more indicative of ur future success, imo, is the availability of resources ur school offers.

for example: how big are the libraries? what's the ratio of therapists to students? how accessible is career counseling? what's the gym like? how does the school tangibly support first generation students? & most importantly (!!!): what kind of financial aid package/scholarships are u working with?

i would also suggest considering what degree of independence/freedom at which u thrive. my friends at nyu for example all have their own apartments and are basically adults bc nyu is like. directly in the city. most upperclassmen at my school, however, still live on campus, & therefore don't have to worry abt maintaining groceries/utilities/etc as much, but also have to deal with more rules about like owning candles or whatever. my friends who stayed in state for college usually visit their family every month, which can either be a relaxing escape from campus, or can be stifling. being out of state, it's more of a hassle to visit home (which was a huuuge mess during covid).

finally, think about what ur interested in pursuing in the future (this can and will change over time!). if ur uncertain about what u wanna major in, how easy is it to change majors at each school? specialized schools for tech or arts or wtvr tend to make it harder to switch majors around, which sucks if u wanna experiment more, but is great if u need more structure/focus in ur field. if ur degree is like, not super stable in the job market or requires grad school (ex psychology), def give a lot of thought to how feasible it is to double major & tuition (u can always go somewhere 'prestigious' for grad school & save money now!). + does ur school offer a dual bachelors/masters program (if ur interested)?

u mention future friendships & missed opportunities & i do want to reassure you that you are going to have friendships & opportunities wherever you go (🧿🧿🧿). although party schools in the idk cornfields with a huge drinking culture and small liberal arts schools where everyone wears trench coats will have different Vibes, there are really cool people anywhere and everywhere. (for Vibes, look at students' like, day in the life vlogs on youtube! not college produced vids tho). u cannnnnn see this as infinite missed opportunities, but u can also see this as a guarantee of (eventually) fulfilling experiences!

this is getting long already but one final note is that even if u pick The Best School Ever For Ur Fullest Potential (which is a bit of a myth), u will probably have at least a few weeks where u feel super lonely and insecure and regretful of ur choices. esp when ur younger i think it's really easy to believe that Every Choice You Make is Ruining Your Life Permanently. but u can't rly live ur life on trying to predict the whims of ur future self. take into account what will provide a stable, fulfilling, supportive environment for who you are today & then remain confident that nothing is permanent, that becoming/understanding who ur meant to be will happen anywhere bc it's. who ur meant to be (tho some environments r def more conducive than others), & that ur making the best decision for urself Now based on the information u have Today. 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

#THIS IS SO LONG I AM SORRY um but for real good luck !!!!!!!! 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽#& congrats again 🌷💗❤️‍🩹💖🦉❣️#always remember...wherever you go...there you are #mail #long post

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sleepysandy · 3 years

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fruits basket s3 ep 3

still weird that the op and ed are upbeat

the last ops and eds were kinda somber so

ooh yuki and snow

she kinda crazy

she right tho

who would confess

yuki kj

NAOO SHORTER THAN MY SISTERR

SHE RIGHT

he got major little man probs

HE LIKES MACHI ???

lmaoo hes right there

emo couple

what its true

the animation is kinda different

ERECTION !!!????!

machi neurodivergent

whats sea of decay

HER BRA HAHAHAHAHHAHA

KAKERU LOVE U

is yuki the first to notice

the visualization of what they feel is rlly good in this show

yuki with da moves

shouldnt u tape the outside of the window

kakeru gonna come back from the trash like

why would u automatically think that a child would kill a baby

kakeru watching them

AYIEEEEE

YUN OH

that was dramatic

appointment ??

oh i thought it would be with hatori :|

gaga si sis

aww she ended up being nice

her send off is nice

shes still a bitch tho

this is a good moment for her

pres takei ???

she still ended up crying

HUHHHH

IS THAT WHY HE WAS SAD ABT GRAD

so he was threatened by yuki

didnt he end up doing what he was bashing

HUH

ahh

aww hiro so cute

hiro said he wanted a bro so he can hug him too :(

hatori hey

HUHHH

WHAT WAS THAT

ep 4

wtf is that box

an urn ??

awww at least hiro has a nice mom

haru hey

the plot thickens lmao

haru knows i think

or at least an idea

mini kyohru

kisa still thinks hiro likes rin wtf

THEY LOOK ALIKE SO CUTTEE

again with the private convo in public

woah kureno doing something

its kinda obvious hiro

u didnt have to say who did it and why lmao

woah so shes not acting on akitos orders

shes trying to save rin ??

whys she nice

kinda sketch

just hug !!!!

ohh haru mad

thats hot

hag lmao

ooh kurenos not with akito

akito count your days !!!

thats hot

sry this is a serious convo

oof

master manipulator

hatori hey

ugh kureno stop being nice

beat the shit out of her !!!!

WTF IS WRONG WITH HER !!!

smiling rin so rare

he just suddenly crying

after getting mad lmao

woah kureno doing something against akito ??

kureno how tf do u put up with this

ok mommy and daddy issues

hatori must be so tired of their shit

who is this old lady

what does she know of the bond??

why she acting like she knows shit

oh yeah the mom took her

oohh the fathers urn

rin not thinking straight

NOT HER HAIRRRRR

she looks a mess

wtfff everyones so messed up in this show

why cant akito just the hair semi evenly

wait so rin still doesnt know abt kureno right

aww hiro and haru said similar stuff

why did rin think she can do it herself

couldve asked tohru to help her

the kids gonna gossip abt this at school

#fruits basket

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blacklinguist · 5 years

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Hi I recently started post-grad and I really hate it it's so unstructured and I feel so alone and there's no set reading so I'm not sure if I'm even doing or reading the right things I've only had four classes so far but all four have consisted of me making the point I think is being expressed and they go yeah ok... Fair point.. and then don't elaborate! I have really been considering dropping out because it's like I've been left at sea to drown do u have any advice dealing with post-grad

hey fellow post-grad! thank you for messaging me, i hope the following thoughts can help your concerns a bit?

what i gather from this is the lack of supervised structure is an issue for you.

to be frank, graduate school is definitely not 2.0. i treat it like a job, rather than just simply being a ‘student’. for me, that’s required in order to get everything done during any week, and to make sure my head stays above water. but, what does that look like practically?

knock knock on your advisor’s door: if you don’t have an advisor, find someone(s) who can fill that role, be it colleagues who have been in the program longer, someone who does research in an area you enjoy, a professor of a class, etc. you need someone to give you advice and to check up on you and also hold you accountable. there doesn’t need to be an official mentor-mentee relationship, but there has to be a level of comfort so that you can vent about difficulties you encounter and challenges you face. i’ve only been in graduate school for ten weeks and i’ve been in office hours and random-stop-by meetings more times than i count. they are not just rotting away in their offices... they are there to help. use them.

figure out your goals: i have an active plan for my time in this masters’ program, and am beginning to sculpt out the path for my phd as well. school is no longer about pleasing your teachers, but about what YOU want. the structure is going to come from the goals and standards you have for yourself, not from what is imposed on you (otherwise, resentment will come a-calling). you will only go as far as you are lead. if no one else is leading, it’s up to you to take charge for yourself.

readings: consider some questions to help guide your reading-- 1) well, what do I need to read for my own goals? 2) does this help for me for comprehensive exams / my own research interests? 3) is there an exam at the end of the semester on this material? pick and choose what makes sense. in graduate school, it’s not about how much you read, but how smart you read. for one of my classes, i don’t have any more exams, so i am not taking extensive notes on the reading, just scanning for the main points (i learned how to do this in undergrad b/c of a class; use some elements of SQ3R to help) and making sure i can synthesize the information with previous articles.

it’s a job, not your life: i will never endorse 80 hour weeks spent on academic stuff or no time to breathe and relax. i have done that before, but because of piss poor time management and being too comfortable with procrastination. set a schedule / time limits for yourself, and work your best within those boundaries.

remember that you are still you: don’t abandon your self-discovery and don’t let yourself get consumed by everything graduate school. you need to take time for yourself, and just as you make school a priority, keep you right up there as well (tbh, i prioritize myself and those aspects over school still). what good is it to neglect yourself and have your work suffer?

these are a few of my thoughts (i’ll probably go into detail when i have time). but if after remedying some of your actions and mindsets, it is definitely possible that graduate school could just not be for you. that’s perfectly fine! don’t needlessly make yourself suffer if you don’t need / want / enjoy this. at the end of the day, i love what i’m doing, and that’s going to keep me on this path. if you don’t have that drive for what you are studying at this level, it’s better to start focusing on what does drive you.

#trespassers w #anon #pooh stuff #gradblr #graduate school #advice #postgrad #this is kinda my guide to first semester shenanigans tbh #obviously im right in the thick of it #but my experience has already been so different from a lot of my colleagues #and these are some of the most important reasons WHY in my opinion!

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songofsaraneth · 4 years

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wow its been a minute huh but ok!!! apparently its been... 6 months since i did a catch up post y i k e s but that about tracks with the chaotic state of my life these days. so uhhhh let’s see where things are at since my last update. honestly if u want a better more consistent look at my life instagram @mermaidjadeofficial is my more active place now just cause i have to be better about it for business reasons :/

I successfully baked that wedding cake and it turned out lovely

still doing taiko drumming!!! I had my first stage performance this september, I’d played at small events or on the sidelines at some local half-marathon races before, but it was nice to push into full song/stage routine. as a hobby it’s been really nice and honestly. everyone should adopt a hobby where the other members are predominantly women over the age of 65. Birdwatching, knitting, book club, whatever. It’s so refreshing to spend time with people that far outside my age group and older ladies are a HOOT. Also with all my joint problems I finally feel on par vs spending time with all my climber/mountain biker friends. Also Karen’s having her hip replacement in a few weeks so everyone send her good vibes for her recovery.

keepin’ on with the modeling, though took a break for the later half of fall. Did several photoshoots this summer, including a big bridal one in july. It was fun but now that I have some for my portfolio I’m pretty over bridals, unless they involve some other fun concept. That’s like 90% of the photoshoots in Utah though because of the mormon population density so may or may not be shooting myself in the foot if I stop those. I am really proud of how well me & the male model in oregon did at pretending to be a couple tho! being able to pose naturally/convincingly with someone you’ve known less than 24hours is a skill, however undervalued, and I am proud of myself for being good at it.

I WENT BACK TO IRELAND!!!! ahhhhh my sad homesick heart. Spent time in Scotland & England again as well, I went BACK to the ISLE OF SKYE, it rained on me there a lot again but I did get one beautiful day. I got to see old friends, new places, old places I missed dearly, and eat a LOT of pastries. Like, a LOT. I could talk forever about the trip so I’ll just leave things at that.

While in Dublin I also went to worldcon again!! And I did finish my Raven Queen costume for it and I’m super proud of how it turned out. It’s the first corset I’ve ever sewn and it’s somewhat a miracle it fits but I definitely leveled up sewing wise with this project!!

got back from abroad and pretty much instantly got thrown right back into fieldwork. I don’t think I unpacked for a full month and a half after getting back since I was basically camping/staying in an airbnb for work for three weeks of september and the first two weeks of october. it was beautiful in the desert as always but also i cannot describe my relief at not having to live out of a suitcase for the first time since mid july.

i just realized that the cake picture followed by two bridal modeling example photos below it make it look like i actually got married so just to clarify. i definitely didn’t.

on the weekends between all those work trips I also ended up traveling, once to salt lake for some photoshoots! a fun La Llorona inspired one, one of my raven queen costume, and one just fancy dress one in the Utah Capitol Building.

and to denver to visit my bf/friends including one visiting from out of state, go to the oddities & curiosities expo, and then go two concerts!!! I saw Korpiklaani and Eluveitie, and then Arch Enemy and Amon Amarth, the later two I’d never seen play live before. I love moab but I MISS CONCERTS SO MUCH sometimes ahhhhhg

been trying to get better at my own photography/editing/retouching as well. have done a couple portrait edits of myself but I think I wanna start getting other models to pose for me so I can work on faces that aren’t my own bc wow does staring at yourself for 5-8 hours make you keenly aware of every flaw your skin possess.

I also have been very sparse online bc, and this is probably the main important one and no one will read this far down now that i’ve burried it. but i spent most of my free time the last two months studying for the GRE, which I have now taken. i am going to try to find a school/lab and go back for my masters degree, ideally with a start date of next fall. it’s a big step i’ve been putting off for a long time but i feel like if I just keep waiting I will never do it. so. that’s gonna be a big life change in my future, assuming I can find somewhere to take me.

because of the above: i am not doing NaNoWriMo this year. that’s honestly the biggest bummer of my life right now. I made it 4 years in a row and it is always such a good motivational challenge for me. and I’ve even had things I planned out to work on for most of it that I was really looking forward to!!! but honestly I just couldn’t swing it and study for the GRE and had to put the latter as my priority. which sucks. idk if I’ll have time to do it in the future either bc grad schedule but... yeah. trying not to think about it too much at the moment bc it bums me out.

Kazul is still the most perfect and beautiful snake ever and our 2 year anniversary was a few days ago :)

ok this update is hugeo so i’ll leave it there. if you read this far, pls sell me your attention span, i need to find/purchase/steal one before i go back to academia

#ramblings #PHEW #now will i vanish into the abyss for another 6 months #or will winter depression drive me back to the internet more frequently eyyyy #me #my stuff #long post #LORD tumblr really killed the quality on those nice pics of mine huh #uhg

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mojput-mypath · 4 years

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MOUNTAINS/PLANINE

Things are great. Things are more than great. Life is finally getting the shape I wished it to take. Incredible. All the things I wished for, after some time, came along. And yet, such an important 'happiness' lesson: Life should not be a pursuit of joy, life should be an expression of joy; says Sri Sri. When you wish for something, and it comes true, how long does it keep you happy for? Half a day? When you achieve that little goal you had, when you finally have it within your grasp – how long are you happy just with that?

You keep climbing up the mountain, waiting and waiting to reach that peak. Once you're up there - how long does it take for you to realise that the peak part is just a tiny moment in the grand climb? and that a long coming-back-down-from-the-mountain is suddenly also in front of you. Once you're up there, you suddenly see so many other mountains you could climb, up and down… A whole new world of possibilities opens up. But when you were climbing up in the first place, the peak seemed to be the only goal visible in the eye of your mind.

The peak is such short-termed joy. Yes, we say: I am enjoying the road up and looking forward to the downward return home, but we still prefer to get stuck to that one moment of bliss at the very peak. The beauty of the view is long-awaited and then we hold on to it for a long while before it fades away. The peak, the peak, the peak. Before climbing up, looking forward to it. Having climbed up, loving every moment of it. Coming down and later, still holding on to the peak moments. Yet! Yet, the peak is so short, so tiny, so distant in memory most of the time, a vague feeling of short-termed satisfaction. Either looking forward to, or remembering back.

My peak was a steady life-place, a partner in life(/crime), and a good environment workplace that is steady-paid and longer-termed. And look at that – I got all of it. The peak is such a tiny place/short termed; the journeys before and after are a 100 times bigger/longer.

What does it even mean to reach the peak – the minute when I move in at my maybe-final-destination for a longer while, the moment I have received my first paycheck, the moment my partner says 'I'm really staying for a while'?

I keep using the word FLOW a lot, lately. Maybe also an influence of the city I am currently and hopefully longer-term, staying in, called Rijeka (Rijeka means River, the city’s motto is 'River, the city that flows'). I can suddenly feel the flow. I can feel it, I can smell it, and I am not trying to re-direct it, or go in another direction. The truth of the matter is that I tried all these manoeuvres earlier, and kept fighting myself and everyone else. I had to DO something. I had to ACT. I needed to KNOW. I wished I could CONTROL. There was no helping it, really. I’m a stubborn island-born kid.

BUT, my body said very loudly, through means of pain: NO. STOP. REST. HELP!

I had no choice but to listen. So I said: OK. I stopped, I rested and I helped my body out.

Then everything happened. I stopped. I rested. I did not wait for something to be given or delivered to me any longer. I moved in directions I wanted to move, without expectations. Then things moved on their own. I was not worried sick about money, lodging, food (God bless Mother, she herself is such a sanctuary). I could rest. I was taken care of. I could do what I felt I would like to do, without expecting anything out of it. And I did. I got far more than expected.

The years of agony and worry and insecurities of not having a ‘normal’ life – were slowly fading away. Now they seem to be so far away. I feel I’ve got everything I wanted to get. Now that I’m a little bigger. A little more secure. A little more loved… I reached my peak. And now I can see all the new mountains ready for me to climb up and down.

It just goes on. No peak is the end.

The new mountains are bigger and scarier. But I climbed this one, so I can surly climb more. Maybe I’m just getting too serious, slowly getting out of my 30s – I can no longer pretend to be a kid. Darn. Even though I am such a child. And I intend to stay one. Till the end. Never serious-up. No matter the greatness of the responsibilities.

One more thing I understand now, is that taking responsibility truly gives us inner freedom. I feel so free when I have things in my life only I am responsible for. No one to hold my back, I can take care of myself. And others. I am also less selfish, I feel. I am out there for anyone who needs me, yet, I feel I was pretending to be selfless, while I was selfishly looking into my own needs and desires. Now I see, if you have others around you, to adjust your needs to their needs – is such a relief. Such a wonderful giving opportunity.

Why are parents such happy people? Even through all the hard times, sleepless nights and hours of worrying, they have such silly smiles on their faces at times. Because they have no choice but give to their child; their time, their care, their material security. We feel best when we have the opportunity to give. Once we give, we feel the most fulfilled. Whoa! Incredible, right?

The human heart and mind are built in such an opposing way, once you catch the opposites, bliss dawns.

What you hold on to, moves away from you. What you let go of, comes to you.

It seems I have finally let go.

His name is not important, his background is not important, his prior life is not important. What is important is the lovely mountain we are embarking on, climbing together. Hand in hand. Together, two as one. Many as two. Finally, 2 plus 2 is -> 5. When two energies come together as one, the sum of the parts is more than the logical result.

I said: “I knew you existed, I only did not know it is going to be so good.”

He said: “I hoped you existed, but I did not know. I know now.”

Except being given the most beautiful gift I have looked forward to for so long, the harmony and beauty of togetherness, I also received a bonus present – a child. His daughter? She is neither his, nor her mother’s, nor mine. Children are not owned by anyone, they are their own. We are hanging out, hugging and loving each other and growing all together.

When the avalanche gets going, it does not stop. I got several more presents. One of them is the trust of my Master to take lead of the European school of yoga. The Sri Sri School of Yoga. Madame la directrice.

One day you’re a kid living in a room with pocket money, and tomorrow you wake up a wife, a mother and a director.

Who would have hoped? I had felt all this should be, but along the way I felt I must be just dreaming. I was not dreaming, I somehow knew. I got discouraged a million times, but I managed to persist.

The mountains now are different, but still there. So, moving along bravely. FORZA!

_______________________________________________________________________

Vincent, Teodora

Jelena, Metod, Gordana, Vincent

Gordana, Flora, Vanja

Zvir, zgrada/Beast, a building

Gogi na poslu/Gogi at work

_______________________________________________________________________

Sve je super. Sve je više nego super. Život napokon poprima oblik koji sam željela da poprimi. Nevjerojatno. Sve što sam željela, nakon nekog vremena, je došlo. Istovremeno je došlo i važno učenje o sreći: „Ži9vot ne bi trebao biti potraga za srećom, već bi trebao biti izraz sreće.“, kaže Sri Sri. Kad nešto poželiš i to se ostvari, koliko dugo te to uistinu drži sretnim? Pola dana? Kad ostvariš taj svoj mali cilj, kada ti je napokon nadohvat ruke – koliko ćeš dugo s tim biti sretan?

Penješ se na planinu, čekaš i čekaš kako ćeš dosegnuti vrhunac. Kad se napokon popneš gore – koliko vremena ti je potrebno dok ne shvatiš da je vrhunac samo jedan mali trenutak u cijelom iskustvu penjanja? Još kad shvatiš da imaš i cijeli put spuštanja na drugu stranu… Dok si na vrhu, ti se otvori još jedan cijeli svijet mogućnosti. Kada se prvi put penješ, vrh djeluje kao jedini vidljivi cilj u tvom umu.

Vrh je kratkoročna sreća. Naravno da kažemo: Uživam u putu prema gore i veselim se vraćanju kući, ali ipak se volimo zalijepiti za onaj jedan trenutak blaženstva kad smo se tek popeli na vrh. Ljepota pogleda je dugo-očekivani tren kojeg se dugo držimo, dok ne izblijedi. Vrh, vrh, vrh. Prije penjanja mu se veselimo. Kad smo se popeli, uživamo u svakom trenu koji nam iskustvo vrha daje. Pri spuštanju i naknadno, još se držimo trenutaka samog vrhunca. Iskustvo vrha je toliko kratkoročno, toliko maleno, većinom kao neko daleko sjećanje, blijedi osjećaj kratkoročnog užitka. Ili mu se veselimo, ili ga se sjećamo sa sjetom.

Moj vrhunac je bio stabilan život, životni partner (i partner u razbojništvu), dobro radno okruženje, stalna plaća i dugoročni projekt. I vidi vraga, dobila sam sve to. Vrhunac je to kratkoročno mjestašce; dok je put prije i poslije 100 puta dugotrajniji i važniji.

Što uopće znači dosegnuti vrhunac – te sekunde kada se uselim na lokaciju na kojoj ću može-bitno ostati neko vrijeme, tog trena kad primim svoju prvu stalnu plaću, te minute kada mi partner kaže: 'ostajem neko vrijeme'?

U zadnje vrijeme koristim riječ na čiji spomen sam se znala ježiti: flow. Možda je tu malo utjecaj grada u kojem živim, u nadi da ću tu ostati neko vrijeme, koji se zove Rijeka (čiji je moto: grad koji teče). Odjednom osjećam taj neki flow. Osjećam ga, mogu ga nanjušiti, i ne pokušavam ga nigdje preusmjeriti, niti sama otići u drugom smjeru. Prava istina je ta da sam sve te manevre isprobala ranije, boreći se sama sa sobom i sa svima drugima. Morala nam nešto NAPRAVITI. Morala sam DJELOVATI. Morala sam ZNATI. Željela sam KONTROLIRATI. Nije tu baš bilo pomoći, tvrdoglavo sam, bračko dite.

Moje tijelo je jasno i glasno reklo, vokabularom poveće boli: NE. STANI. ODMORI. UPOMOĆ!

Nisam imala izbora, nego poslušati. Rekla sam: OK. Stala sam, odmorila, i pomogla svom tijelu.

Upravo tada se sve dogodilo. Stala sam. Odmarala sam. Nisam čekala da mi nešto bude dano, dostavljeno pred mene. Krenula sam u smjerovima u kojim sam se htjela kretati, bez očekivanja. Tada su se stvari pokrenule same. Nisam bila zabrinuta za novce, smještaj, hranu (Bog blagoslovio majku, ona je utočište u svakom smislu te riječi.) Mogla sam odmoriti. Bila sam zbrinuta. Mogla sam raditi što sam osjećala da želim, bez očekivanja određenih rezultata. A rezultati su došli. Došlo je puno više od ičeg što sam očekivala.

Godine agonije i brige i nesigurnosti zbog nemanja 'normalnog' života – su polako počele blijediti. Iz ovog kuta djeluju kao da su jako daleko. Osjećam da sam dobila sve što sam ikada željela. Sada sam malo veća. Malo se osjećam sigurnije. Malo više voljeno… Doživjela sam svoj vrhunac. Sada mogu vidjeti sve nove planine na koje ću se popeti i s kojih ću sići.

Ide se dalje. Nijedan vrhunac nije kraj.

Nove planine uvijek djeluju veće i strašnije. Na ovu sam se popela, pa se zasigurno mogu popeti na još koju. Možda postajem preozbiljna, izlazim polako iz tridesetih – ne mogu se više pretvarati da sam klinka. Iako jesam. I namjeravam ostati klinka. Do kraja! Nikada se ne uozbiljiti. Bez obzira na veličinu odgovornosti.

Još jedna stvar koju sada razumijem, je da nam preuzimanje odgovornosti uistinu daje osjećaj unutarnje slobode. Osjećam veliku slobodu kada postoje stvari za koje sam samo ja odgovorna. Nitko mi ne drži leđa. Trebam se brinuti za sebe. I za druge. Mislim da sam malo manje sebična, bar se tako osjećam. Tu sam za onoga kome je potrebno. Mislim da sam se nekada pretvarala da sam nesebična, dok sam istovremeno sebično gledala samo svoje potrebe i želje. Sada vidim ako imaš druge oko sebe, trebaš prilagoditi svoje potrebe njihovim potrebama – i to je začudo veliko olakšanje. Predivna prilika za davati.

Zašto su roditelji sretni ljudi? Čak i u teškim trenucima, neprospavanim noćima i satima i satima brige, često se glupavo smiješe. Nemaju drugog izbora, nego davati svojoj djeci – svoje vrijeme, svoju brigu, dijeliti svoju materijalnu sigurnost. Osjećamo se najbolje kada imamo priliku davati. Dok dajemo, osjećamo se naj-ispunjenije. Vau! Nevjerojatno, zar ne?

Ljudsko srce i um su u suprotnosti, ali jednom kad uloviš suprotnosti, blaženstvo se budi.

Čega se grčevito držiš, odmaknut će se od tebe. Što otpustiš, doći će ti.

Čini se da sam bar nešto napokon otpustila.

Njegovo ime nije važno, odakle je nije važno, kako je prije živio je nevažno. Važnost se nalazi u toj divnoj planini na koju se krećemo penjati zajedno. Ruku pod ruku. Zajedno. Dvoje kao jedan. Mnogo kao dvoje. Na kraju krajeva, 2 plus 2 je -> 5. Kada se dvije energije usklade i postanu poput jedne, rezultat je veći od logičnog zbroja.

Ja sam rekla: Znala sam da postojiš, samo nisam znala da će biti ovako dobro.

On je rekao: Nadao sam se da postojiš, ali nisam znao. Sad znam.

Osim što sam dobila najljepši poklon kojem sam se dugo nadala, sklad i ljepotu zajedništva, dobila sam i bonus poklon - dijete. Njegovu kćer? Nije ni njegova, ni majčina, ni moja. Djeca nisu ničija, nego svoja. Družimo se, grlimo se, volimo i rastemo svi skupa.

Kada lavina krene, ne staje. Tako sam dobila još nekoliko poklona. Jedan od njih je povjerenje Učitelja da vodim europsku školu yoge. Sri Sri School of Yoga. Gospođa Direktorica, molim lijepo.

Jedan dan si klinka u sobi s džeparcem, sutradan si žena, majka, direktorica.

Tko bi se tome nadao? Osjećala sam da do svega toga treba doći, ali mi se po putu činilo da možda samo sanjam. Nisam sanjala, nekako sam znala. Obeshrabrila sam se petsto milijuna puta u međuvremenu, ali sam nekako ipak ustrajala.

Sad su planine drugačije, ali su i dalje tu. Zato, put pod noge i idemo dalje. FORCA!

#gordana tihomirovic #personal blog #life peaks

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girlbookwrm · 6 years

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i DO recommend these fics, but this ISN’T actually a rec list

a while ago i did a meta about Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier and Hydra and the headcanons I put in The Terror of Knowing, and I mentioned that I wanted to compile a long-ass list of fics that inspired The Hundred Year Playlist and ppl (hi @conlatio and @marveluc) asked about it SO HERE, AT LONG FUCKING LAST, IT IS.

Fanfiction, like every other art form that has ever existed in the history of ever, is all about synthesis: combining pre-existing elements to make something new. It’s the making something new thing that’s exciting. (If you’re not making something new with your found material, that’s called plaigiarism and it’s distinctly uncool.)

When I was in college and grad school, if we used material from other scholars to make a new idea, we made sure to include a bibliography.

Now this is fic, so like. Everyone knows that we’re using found material. We put the fandom in the tags and everything. But there’s a lot of unseen inspiration, because it’s harder to tag all the fics and metas you read that gave you ideas and inspiration along the way.

I’m... making an attempt.

These are some, SOME of the fics that inspired the headcanons and characterizations and whatnot that then got incorporated into THYP. I’ve been reading MCU fic since 2014 (possibly earlier) and I didn’t even start thinking about THYP until 2017, so there’s probably a lot of stuff that went into my subconscious that I’ve forgotten about. I’m @ing the authors and sources when I know them, but if any of yall want me to like, un-@you (is that a thing??) or if any of you know of authors who have tumblrs that I DIDN’T @ but should have, pls let me knoooowwww

A (Probably Incomplete, but at least Attempted) Fanfic Bibliography for The Hundred Year Playlist

by Seriously I Don’t Have More Important Things To Do? Astonishing.

PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS IN THE FICS THEMSELVES. THYP may be rated T for Teen (and even that I debate about tbh, given all the swears and violence) but most of these fics are very emphatically not. some of them will probably squick you out, some of them might be triggering, so take care of yourselves.

I’ve divided the list into sections by the story they inspired, but all of these stories inspired all the parts of THYP, this is a very very very rough categorization. Think of it as my fanfic n headcanon spice rack. some stories are going to have more or less of one spice or another.

Dreamers With Empty Hands

All the Angels and the Saints by @cesperanza

"You're a brutal person, you know that? You're always rummaging through my guts with your bare hands!" and then Bucky turned away, his long, muscled back curving as he sat on the edge of the bed, hunched and struggling for breath. Steve wanted to draw him, and he also wanted to blot the image from his memory: this picture of Bucky in despair.

Speranza’s Socialist Steve is deeply flawed in a way that people don’t usually write him and i love it so much??? He’s angry, and egotistical, and righteous in a way that’s hard on the people around him and I was like YESGOOD MORE PLS. It’s also a masterful example of how to write a story that’s ostensibly Steve-POV but still manages to make Bucky not only a main player, but a driving force. It’s about Steve, on the surface, sure. But it’s also about Bucky, because Steve is about Bucky and I just *clenches fist* love it.

cascades.

This fic. THIS FIC. Hngh. Okay so this fic is good on so many levels, but for THYP, the takeaway was me very gently lifting the Bucky-Steve-Barnes Family dynamic and then adding more swears to get to my take on the Bucky-Steve-Barnes Family Dynamic. Namely:

“Steve was a bit of a Barnes, too, wasn’t he,” she says.

“He was ours,” says Rebecca, shrugging. “We were his.”

i crie???

More Man Than You

“You’re very pretty,” she said, and Steve tensed up.

“I’m not a fairy.”

“No, you’re not, are you?”

this fic has a study guide. and that’s literally all I feel I need to say about it. It’s an exploration of queer culture and masculinity in the 30s and 40s, thinly veiled as stucky fanfiction. (It’s also pretty brutal so I’ll reiterate that you need to heed the goddamn warnings)

Also, lest yall think I came up with Billy Thompson in a vacuum, I didn’t. In this fic, there’s a violent mob runner called Duke, and Steve comes up with a plan to take him down, and Bucky makes sure that there’s a Different plan that Steve doesn’t know about. It’s all executed a little differently in this fic, but the idea lodged in my brain and got reused in THYP, and kind of became a central theme.

Good Morning Heartache, What’s New?

The Night War by @praximeter

IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. This is... honestly, just one of the finest pieces of fiction i just

HNNNNGH

I don’t know that I can point to any specific part of this fic and say “this gave me that idea” it was more the... the feel of it. The way the Normandy invasion is written and the way the trauma is handled and the way Steve is just slightly to the left of being a real soldier and especially this:

He asked me with a smile on his face what goes through my mind when I line up my shot—God and country? Pearl Harbor? Uncle Sam? —and I stared at him struck dumb from the question so long that I think he thought I was just plain stupid. The fact is that it is none of those things—not even close. It is sick, numb fear and careful, barely breathing so that I don’t miss. I must never miss. And then when I shoot, an awful thought curls up from my trigger finger to my heart “how many mothers must be praying I will miss?”

The Thirteen Letters

oh you didn’t really think that Not Easily Conquered wasn’t going to be on this list, didja? OF COURSE IT’S ON THE LIST. But possibly not for the reason you might think. That fic is legen-fucking-dary of course, and the scene where Steve gets stabbed was obviously very inspirational for that bit in GMHWN where Steve gets shot in the thigh, but the scene that really got teeth into my brain and Would Not Let Go was the one where the Howlies meet the Winged Victory of Samothrace and

Bucky knows the truth now. It is a deep and insurmountable truth. She has no face. Like the operative whose head he beat in, like the boy who he killed one month into active duty, even like Bucky himself, Nike is faceless. Bucky feels unprepared, or like he should have brought an offering.

Beside him Steve quakes before the oldest and the only god.

look my fixation with statues didn’t come from nowhere is what i’m saying ok

Sincerely, Your Pal

This fic haunts me because i hate the ending. not because it’s not good (It IS good) or because it’s not the right ending for the story (it IS the right ending for the story) but just because i h a t e i t. I just like happy endings is all, and resolutions, and this fic is why THYP will have a happy ending.

But also, I really liked the way this fic dealt with Bucky in Basic and lines like this really caught in my brain:

And of course I want to kill some Nazis I guess but not because they’re people. Not because I actually want people to die because I don’t.

And that sentiment definitely fed into how I write Bucky especially.

The Terror of Knowing

there must have been a moment by @redstarwhitestar (magdaliny’s marvel sideblog)

Listen, I’ve been trying to make sure that there’s a good spread of writers on this list but magdaliny is the exception. Magdaliny is the exception for a lot of things and there must have been a moment when we could have said no is always the first fic I think of when I think of a fic about Bucky’s time as the Soldier. Which is ironic, because it’s very much about his time after that, but that first chapter made uhhhhhhhhhhh an impression.

The fractured nature of the narrative, the way that the reader can piece together a coherent timeline but the main character can’t... that was very influential on TTOK. example:

“Kill him,” the officer says.

The subject says: “Why?”

☙

“Kill him,” the officer says.

The subject makes a mess.

☙

“Kill him cleanly,” the officer says. “Good! Good lad.”

I’ll build a house inside of you

Another magdaliny G I F T, an AU where Nat is much younger and Bucky is her dad, and if you think that didn’t affect the way I write Bucky and Nat’s relationship in THYP, then you are dreaming.

Past the praises of the handlers, above the hot wet smell of cordite and blood, Natalia can hear crashing and shouting down the hall.

“—goddamn animals, they're little girls, they're just kids, you fucking—”

Her father screams in English, in Mandarin, in Russian, and then he just screams.

I know that’s a super sad excerpt but listen and hear me when I say this fic is actually really good and wholesome and it’s got A+++ OCs and All The Widows and it’s just really good ok

Memory

Bucky is hard AF to write and very few people write him half so well as magdaliny but one of those people is emilyenrose and this fic is M A S T E R F U L. Bittersweet and achingly perfect. It contains this beautiful moment that really stuck with me, where Steve is comparing the post WS “James” to the Pre War “Bucky” and realizes...

He truly hadn't known James all that well. James hadn't let him. Hadn't wanted him to. Hadn't wanted anyone near him, ever—

—the way Bucky went, when he was miserable, when he was angry...

and that, to me, was kind of key when I went on to write the Soldier, because the Soldier IS Bucky, even when he isn’t.

Fool For Sacrifice

Dona Nobis Pacem

THIS GODDAMN FIC came to me outta FUCKING NOWHERE, I’d already written the first draft for FFS, I’d already started posting it, for crying out loud. And then all of a sudden I stumble upon THIS and i just

It’s already fading, just hours after the skirmish. And the wounds Sam stitched will heal without a mark. And the welts on Steve’s chest will disappear. Like all of it never happened.

Fuck the serum. He keeps thinking it, saying it. Maybe if there were some goddamn scars, it’d be easier to process the damage.

This fic is heavy af, it’s like the 65k word version of That Chapter in FFS Where Steve Hits Rock Bottom. This was the fic I read when I was ramping myself up to tackle That Moment

three white horses

This is the other fic I read to ramp up for That Scene, and I think that probably shows in the way I wrote it. It is also is a Strong Contender for the title of Heavyweight Fic That Convinced Me Buck Is Jewish. Honestly I cannot praise this fic enough.

I think the thing that stuck hardest about the Steve in three white horses is the way he feels ghostly himself, like he’s only drifting through the present, and somehow most of his living happens in the past. It’s very beautifully done, and very subtly done, and it’s my go to fic if I am in Dire Need of a Good Clean Crie.

It’s getting an extra long excerpt because This Is My List And Neither God Nor Man Can Stop Me.

Steve's fingers touch metal when he reaches into the second-to-last box, and he feels the blood drain out of his face even before he's looked down. He knows the feel of it too well. He'd know it blind, a hundred years from now. It's Bucky's not-a-medal.

It'd been Bucky's grandfather's, or maybe his great-grandfather's, made of the kind of sterling silver that tarnishes if you look at it funny, so Bucky had always been polishing it; he'd traded cigarettes to the mess staff for baking soda and vinegar, during the war, but the thing was still soot-black half the time, like it is now. It'd been a fool's errand, wearing a thing like that in Axis territory, but Bucky'd worn it on his chain like the rest of the guys wore their Christophers and Michaels, and HYDRA'd ignored it. It was a subtle thing, though: nothing like wearing a Magen David, or the implacable H on Bucky's tags, just a thin slice of metal with a stylized branch and an oblique squiggle Steve only knows is the Hebrew word for life because Bucky told him so.

Bucky'd had a curious mix of reverence and irreverence about it, the same mixture that seemed to colour the whole of his religious life. He'd teased Steve sometimes, saying, “No, wait, you gotta kiss it before you enter the building, you schmuck, what are you, some kinda heathen?” with his legs around Steve's waist. Bucky hadn't complained when Steve had carried on with an inch of silver between his teeth, but Steve had offhandedly called it Bucky's good luck charm once, and Bucky'd blown up; it's not a superstition, he said, it's not a fucking amulet. He'd apologized later, and he'd explained, and said it was a touchy subject, just ingrained. Jews weren't supposed to believe in luck. Bucky'd thought maybe it was the opposite: maybe luck didn't believe in Jews.

Sparked Up Like a Book of Matches

AH YES, THE FIC THAT TAUGHT ME ABOUT LIL AUDREY JOKES. SIPPY CUPS OF SUPERBOOZE! A ROBOT CALLED SHITCAN!! WHAT MORE COULD YOU NEED IN A FIC??? I really like the way it addresses Steve being in the future is all

This one could probably also fall into the list of fics that inspired DWEH, in part because of This, which stuck with me Hard and heavily influenced the opening:

“...You ever have scarlet fever?"

Sam shakes his head.

"It starts in your throat, like an itch, and as your fever starts to climb, your tongue swells up and turns white and that's when they know, really, even before the rash, that it's scarlet fever. You can't swallow, it hurts so much. You're freezing and your joints ache and your fever keeps spiking and you start to hallucinate. I, uh, I thought things were crawling on me and there were voices that I didn't recognize whispering things that didn't make any sense. My mom had to fight me just to get me to drink broth, but I threw it up most of the time, anyway. Then I got pneumonia from being so worn down from the scarlet fever and I was so lucky, Sam. Nobody seems to understand how I lucky I was to make it through. Talking to people today, to make them understand I'd have to tell them I survived bird flu only to fall sick with Ebola."

listen. For reasons I can’t fully explain, I really wanted to read that happening so i wrote it, and this is what being a writer is All About.

Actually, on a second thought, I might be able to explain it: it’s because an experience like that is Capital F Formative, and I really wanted to explore how there’s a tiny sick kid rattling around inside Captain Beefcake’s souped up bod.

(And an additional shoutout to Steve Rogers’ American Captain, a webcomic that now exists only in the Wayback Machine, but which was L O V E L Y and I sincerely hope that the artist knows that)

No Hope for the Weary

Strays

This fic? is so fluffy?? Like literally so fluffy. But this fic (and, obviously, Infinite Coffee) were very much behind the inclusion of the God Damn Starbucks, and also the source of a lot of my headcanons about Barnes & Rogers: Secret Millennials. For Example: Bucky’s Notes on How To Be A Millennial:

- Lots of coffee. Travel mugs or paper cups from Starbucks place. Often looks guilty for drinking, obv derive pleasure from doing so. Unknown as to why. Investigate further? Why is there one every two blocks if no one wants it there?

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail

This is another fandom classic that needs very little introduction. A+ characterization, A+ OCs, Utterly Charming from start to finish, and the originator of a very distinct way of talking that got very strongly coded in my brain as Winter Soldier Bucky.

He passes within 4 m of Barnes on his way back to his building. The mission imperative achieves a Doppler effect.

contactContactCONTACTContactcontact

Aw.

If They Haven’t Learned Your Name by @silentwalrus1

If I had to point to one (1) fic and say “Blame This Fic for THYP” it would be this one: the Fic that my roommate and The Gal Pal know as “The One With the USS Motherfucker.” This might seem like an odd statement, because if you’ve read them both, I don’t think you’d necessarily put them in the same class. silentwalrus is a genius of hilarity and THYP is a big pile of The Sads. ITHLYN is delightfully unassuming and I’m sometimes embarrassed by how pretentious THYP ended up being.

I would technically put this under the list of fics that heavily influenced NHFTW on account of the way it portrays Bucky going by gradual degrees from murderbot to mostly human person, but listen I could never write Cryptid!Bucky the way Silentwalrus has. It’s magnificent. And TBH the level of Intensity in ITHLYN’s Steve has is something I aspire to, and the Sam Characterization is On Point, and both those things influenced FFS, 112%. Nat’s Chaotic Slav Energy in this fic is OFF THE GODDAMN CHARTS and I LOVE IT. Every single side character, down to the spaceship is given the kind of care, attention, and characterization that just... it cannot be beat, my dudes.

16/10 highest recommendation. I could not possibly pick a single paragraph from this behemoth but uhhhhh

Two minutes in there’s a grunt and a slippery, gritty noise somewhere to her left, and then the Soldier barrels past at breakneck speed, vanishing down another tunnel. A second later Steve careens around the corner, bounces off the opposite wall and crashes away after him, so fast he’s nearly a blur. Natasha’s brain, entirely of its own accord, provides her with the utterly unhelpful accompaniment of a Yakety Sax soundtrack.

that’s it. that’s the fic.

Also, this fic is Stoutly To Blame for the playlist aspect of the hundred year playlist? Silentwalrus really got me good with Grounds for Divorce by Elbow, one of my all time favorite songs, which was then paired with one of my all time favorite chapters. By the time Caravan Palace’s Lone Digger made an appearance, I was sunk. This fic introduced me to Lyube, and gave me a new appreciation(?) for dubstep. So many of the songs ITHLYN used ended up in my Very Long Stucky Playlist, though I think the only one that then went on to become part of the Hundred Year Playlist: Upside Down and Inside Out by OK GO.

And Finally, the Coup De What The Fuck Ever:

Ain’t No Grave by @spitandvinegar

yet another fandom classic... I wasn’t sure where to put this fic, but I couldn’t NOT include it in the list. Spitandvinegar’s Steve is charming and so? Sweet? and the ANG Bucky is a delightful foulmouthed mess of a person, and the Sam/Claire pairing is something I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED, BUT I VERY MUCH NEEDED IT and I don’t know that I can point to a single thing and be like: Ah Yes, This Bit, but this is definitely one of my faves:

Imagine you live in this country, right? And there's a brutal war, and you witness and maybe participate in a horrific amount of violence, and you lose absolutely everyone you care about. Then you end up in this other country, where the culture and ways of doing things are completely foreign to you, and random assholes make fun of you for how you dress and act and talk while you're still coming to grips with the fact that everyone you love is gone and you can never go home again. Meanwhile, everyone around you is like "smile, motherfucker, you're in the Land of Plenty now, where there's a Starbucks on every corner and 500 channels on TV. You should be grateful! Why aren't you acting more grateful?" So you have to pretend to be grateful while you're dying inside. Sound like an traumatized, orphaned refugee? Also sounds like Steve fucking Rogers, Captain Goddamn America. Except that most refugees were part of a community of other people who were going through the same thing. Steve is all alone, the last damn unicorn, if the last unicorn had horrible screaming nightmares about the time when it helped to liberate Buchenwald.

Usually this explanation yields a "huh." People don't want Sad Refugee Steve: they want Captain America, Indestructible Defender of Freedom. But that doesn't mean that Sam isn't right, because he is right, goddamnit. So yeah, Sam's a little protective of Steve. And if the last unicorn finds out that its best damn unicorn friend in the whole world is actually alive, then damn straight, Sam's heading out with a tranq gun and bringing that damn unicorn in and starting a goddamn unicorn wildlife refuge in his backyard. Or something like that: at a certain point the metaphor kind of gets away from him.

Til The End of the Timeline

I’ve recced this so many times you’ve probably all gotten sick of hearing about it, but it’s an invaluable goddamn resource and you should all check it out.

A Shit Ton of Metas and Blogs, some of which are tagged with THYP Research but especially @steve-rogers-new-york and @hansbekhart‘s How To Brooklyn and @historicallyaccuratesteve

and last but certainly not least

LITERALLY EVERYTHING @quietnighty READS HOLY SHIT

If you’re looking for a common thread through all the above recs, it’s that almost all of them have podfics, and the vast majority of those podfics are by Quietnight. I am, and always have been, an audio learner. I read my writing aloud when I’m editing, I listen to audiobooks when I’m commuting, and when I’m cleaning, and when I’m playing computer games, because I like stories, and I especially like listening to stories. Quietnight’s podfics are Of The Highest Quality, and her taste in fic is Impeccable.

hooooly shit this post is long wow okay. I can’t promise I won’t add more to this later, but I’m leaving it for now because goddamn. it’s as complete as I can make it at this time. I’ve added a “THYP Fanfic Bibliography” tag in my bookmarks, and incidentally I really need to make sure I’ve gone through and kudosed all of these because goddamn.

#i don't know how to tag this #thyp research #?#fic rec #??#stucky fic rec #???

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loptrcoptr · 5 years

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is it ok if i ask how old you were when u started undergrad? i'm 20 rn and been working since school and only just found a course i actually really want to do (scandinavian studies actually lol god do i wanna learn old norse) but i'd have to do a pre course to get some qualifications first so i'd be 22 when i start and 26 when i graduate and idk i really want to do it even if i'm not sure i'll be any good but i'm worried about being older than everyone and being alone and everything :/

My dude. I hate to break this to you but… I went back to undergrad at 23. I graduated at 26. lol.

So yeah, the feeling old thing is unavoidable, and all you can do is try to combat the knowledge that time is relevant and just bc someone is better at you at everything when they are three years your junior does not mean that you will never be good at them, or that you will never be better at them than some other people too this is something i struggle with daily. It’s hard to remember, believe me I know, but life is not a competition. You’re not racing everybody. This ain’t pokemon, you’re not gonna be the best like no one ever was. But you can try to be the best you that ever was. No matter how hard you try, those kids who are ahead of you in everything? They are still gonna be ahead of you in everything. Maybe one day you’ll be toe to toe or know something they don’t, or maybe you won’t. Doesn’t mean you suck, and being older than other people doesn’t mean that your route to where you are going was embarrassing when compared to their route. It doesn’t make you a failure if you didn’t have a nice linear path to your career/goals/what have you. To us, in our 20´s, three years difference seems fuckoff huge.There´s a fellow at my college, a nice girl I hang with some time? She´s 20. And a college fellow. Sometimes it be like that.

And good news! You will meet people in grad school who are, in fact, older than you! I regularly run with a group of ridiculous urchins at my college whose age range, when the entire 20-some-people group is together the age range is 20-30. There´s a nice woman I see sometimes at our fancy dinners who is doing her MPhil in heritage studies or archaeology, can´t remember which. Her name is Liz, she´s in her 70´s, and she´s a delight. She got her phd in anthropology, taught for many years, quit, became a ballroom dancing star, retired from that and then decided she wanted another masters for the heck of it. And if you read that and think “wow, cool lady” know that it fifty years or something you are going to be that cool person with your own non-linear life story. What seems shameful to us now will not when we are older.

And I mean yeah, most of the PhDs in my department are younger than me… shit, I think some of the post-doc kids are too. That´s just how it is. (Also, besides the idea of a linear path, you have to remember that university works differently everywhere eg. here it´s 3 yrs of undergrad, in the us it´s 4). Ngl, I do get very discouraged around the PhDs sometimes because they are PhDs, so, yknow, they know more than me about a lot of frigging things. I get especially down on myself about Old Norse. I make simple mistakes, maybe have a bad day translating, and just think “aw, this kid or that kid or that one guy wouldn´t have this problem, they´d do this so easily”…. adn well, yeah, they would: they´ve been doing old norse for six fucking years lmao i´ve had two hashed-together years of classes and one year on my own, i´m not gonna measure up because i am not a genius. That´s ok. We can try and speed things up, adn work hard to get there, but we can´t actually beat time. So I´d say: don´t try. Go back to school if you want to, join us nerds out here in old norse studies. 22 ain’t old. Neither is 26. Time is relevant, go have a ball.

#ask #anon

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kays-musings · 2 years

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hi!! im an undergrad who's v interested in going to grad school for musicology. do u have any advice on your own journey?

Hi! I'm so sorry it took me 10 years to respond to this, I hope answering it will still be helpful to you. First off, that's super cool you want to go to grad school for musicology. I will list off some stuff but if you have more specific questions, feel free to send me a follow-up.

Ok so, firstly, you can get *paid* to be a PhD student in musicology. It will likely involve a mixture of fellowship(s) (don't have to work, yay!) and TA hours (teaching assistant, also yay but more work). Personally, I'd say don't go for a stand-alone Master's degree unless you are getting paid to do that. Paying for a Master's degree costs so much money and will put you in the hole debt-wise without giving you a degree you can really work with. I can only speak from the hellscape that is the US educational system, so if you can get paid to get a Master's somewhere else and you want to, then obviously do that. I got my master's degree in music composition and am in a lot of debt because of it...

Secondly, picking out programs, I think the number one thing would be to pick a program where you think you are a "good fit" rather than wherever seems prestigious. To do this, mostly look at what the current faculty are doing and try to find more than one person doing something you could see yourself working on with them independently. For example, at my school there's a person who does queer studies, a person who does voice studies, and a person that does disability studies and I have found it helpful to either be in classes with them or to have them be mentors for me in one-on-one classes etc. I'm drastically oversimplifying the things that draw me to these particular faculty but hopefully you get the idea. It might also help to see if the current or recent grad students are doing research you're interested in and respect the idea of. You of course will be your own unique voice in the field, but it might be nice to have some general things in common with your peers (for me, that's an interest in social justice/progressiveness rather than just old white dead man did thing...)

Thirdly, I think since you are still in undergrad, it's worth asking yourself what job you would ideally get at the end of graduate school in musicology. There's not a lot of options and it will be competitive and a lot of work (like so many things are of course!) If you think you could scratch your musicological itch in undergrad or through independent study/in conjunction with other work, that's good too. I think we try to have our job also be our passion but that can get in the way of making your passions your passions and also having a healthy work-life balance. Just make sure you can reconcile those things if you decide to go to grad school for musicology.

Lastly, find a mentor or two at your current institution. A professor that inspired you to want to learn more about musicology. Let them know you loved their class and you're thinking of pursuing this. Unless they're an asshole (better to find that out early) they will Love this and hopefully be supportive and help you navigate things. If you're at a music school, your music librarian is also a good resource for questions on how to do research...anyway I think I'll stop for now, but my inbox is open if you have more questions (or if anybody else wants advice on grad school or musicology)

-Quinn

#@manna-dew #musicology #studyblr #gradblr #phd student

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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Hi, do you have any general tips for getting into grad school lol?

I'm trying to get into a clinical psych phD program which I know is very different from what you're doing but hey, I'll take any advice youd like to share ! Also love your art :-)!

I'll just explain how i got to this point and hope theres something worth taking from that.

For me, I did my Masters 1st bc I hadn't done in the lab work until my last year of undergrad and I wasn't sure how I would handle working on a big project and I had a general idea of what I wanted to study but it was still kinda blurry. So, I thought ok 2 years on a project that seems ok, then 4+ on something I really wanna do based on what i learned from my masters. I found my Masters advisor through a string of talking to different people about my interests, reading her papers, and asking if she happened to be looking for students. I sort of stumbled into a good situation on a bit of luck

For my PhD I had a very narrow focus for what I was looking for in terms of research, so there were only like 5 ppl doing exactly what I wanted in english speaking countries. I found them all through reading a bunch of papers, stalking their lab websites and then emailing them like: Hey! I found u through reading X paper, ur research is so cool! Here is how it fits with my interests and here is what I've done that qualifies me to work with you (in as few words as I could manage). Are you accepting students into your lab? And then if they reply that they are: would u be willing to talk with me?

During meetings the questions I always ask (aside from questions abt their research) are: what's your lab space like? How hands on are you as an adviser? What do you like about what you do/what compelled you to take on X research? And then it's also good to ask about their other students (what research they're doing and if you could email them to ask if they like this adviser as a boss/whats it like at the school).

Honestly, I feel like the best advice I could give is treat an interview like it goes both ways. You don't want a boss that sucks so grill them a bit to try to figure out what they're like as a person. And it helps to let a little passion shine thru ✨️

Hope that helps? And good luck!!!

#its a lot easier to get in once you have your masters too bc it demonstrates u can handle grad school #like id get emails back like: oh ur work fits well with my research! and im like: uh yea thats y i emailed u???#but my interests r extremely niche and a bit odd so i guess i kinda come blazing thru like a rogue planet #idk im maybe a bit weird but ive got a lotta passion for what i wanna do when im not drowning #and hopefully that comes thru in interviews even when im rambling around my answers #aha now im procrastinating prepping for those interviews 😅#anyway hope this helps a bit!#mostly for me its finding ppl with the background thst will enable me to do what i want and then trying to fugure out what kind of person #they r and if that fits with how i work #unrelated #lmao literally 2 ppl i got on calls with were like algae??? most ppl try to hide their interest in algae #and im like great its been 2min and uve already called me a freak lmao

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spellcastersjudgement · 6 years

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Jaden nd bastion for that domestic ask thing? >:3c

THE OTP YES i have so many feelings and everyone needs to hear me sob over the nerd baby and his superhero

also that icon is the content i look for on this hellsite well done

who is the big spoon/little spoon Jaden is the little spoon!! he prefers being the big spoon tbh he likes curling up against bastions fuckin ripped back but jaden always falls asleep first because he has to get this twelve hours or else he will be a grumpy boy but bastion?? bastion stays up all night drinking coffee and doing god knows what bc he’s the type of guy thats like ‘hey jaden im gonna go read a bit before i got to bed’ and then he fuckin stays up all night because he has no self control lmao so when it’s like 3am and he’s finally put down his book or finished dicking around on the computer he finally gets in bed and he doesnt want to wake up his husband (yes theyre married in my mind ok im love them) so he just lays down and pulls the human kuriboh to his chest and falls asleep

what is their favorite non-sexual activity the standard answer is Card Games but besides dool masters they like to go on drives and look at stars and talk abt whatever. bastion is a chemical engineer and jaden’s his professional duelist trophy husband so they dont get to be together as much as they want bc jaden’s tournament schedule so when they’re together they gotta make it count u know so bastion will pick jaden up from the airport and they’ll just start driving out of the city talking about DM or what bastion’s been up to or whatever’s going through jaden’s mind (an enigma lmao) and then when there are no more streetlights to make it difficult to see the stars they’ll pull over and lay on the hood and cuddle and keep talking. it’s like 4am before they finally go home and since they’re going to sleep at the same time jaden finally gets his chance to be the big spoon

who uses all the hot water in the morning getting jaden to shower is a fucking struggle he’s like a cat. living in the slifer dorm made him accustomed to being a generally gross person in general so he lives off dry shampoo and body spray so he doesn’t smell like hassleberry after a workout so that leaves bastion to take all of the water because he showers every morning after his run and insists on h is hair being perfect and well taken care of. like the guy has at least five different hair care products in the shower at all times while jaden, even though he’s dumb thick rich, buys that 3-in-1 crap he and syrus used to make stretch for a month back in college. jaden is also known to stick his kuriboh hair under the sink and shake it out like a dog because he is a gross boy that usually gets up about ten minutes before he has to leave so there’s no time for an actual shower and we’ve gotten away from the actual question but the tldr is bastion stands under the hot water he’s got one of those mirrors to shave in the shower while he’s doing his deep conditioning treatment and has a pore strip on his nose for beautiful ™ skin

what they order from take out this one ties in a lot to my sageshipping BrOTP headcanons (on god there needs to be a brotp ask so i can scream to the world my love for bastion/alexis friendship) but the bit of background is that bastion and alexis would always order from this indian place that was open real late at night when they were in grad school together (no delivery at duel academy cause its an island u know) so it has a special place in his heart. jaden is a wimp when it comes to spice but since bastion loves it they order it anyway and the people that deliver the food know to make it wimpy baby spicy for jaden so he doesn’t end up sweating half his body weight up and crapping out lava four hours later

what is the most trivial thing they fight over oh god they dont fight a lot because they love and appreciate each other’s eccentricities but if they’re going to fight its going to be over who’s doing the driving. they both love cars, bastion likes taking it apart and modifying them and whatnot and jaden likes the aesthetique (though his aesthetique is painting flames on a corolla jaden u lil shit smh) and they both like to go fast so when they go out they bitch abt who gets to drive. bastion tells jaden he doesnt appreciate the feel of the machine and jaden says bastion drives like a fucking old man so they end up settling the matter with rousing game of rock paper scissors

who does most of the cleaning NEITHER OH MY GOD theyre both total slobs. bastion’s desk and home office is covered in his notebooks and duel monster cards, his walls covered with god knows what (formulas, dates, to-do lists, grocery lists) the guy just grabs the sharpie and starts writing because he’s afraid of forgetting something if he doesnt get it down right then. jaden lives in filth he has three day old bowls of cereal at his desk and uses used napkins as tissues he is certifiably NASTY. anyway they hire a housekeeper to make sure the entire house doesnt fall into disarray and she’s like their surrogate mother making sure they eat more than takeout and coffee and making sure the house smells nice. they call her Mama Cheryl (good middle aged mom name) and she’s the embarrassing mom at jadens local tournaments the kind that prints out huge pictures of his face and wears shirts with Neos on them and cheers for her boy v loudly. again we’re away from the question but i have a lot of headcanons abt this i’ll probs put in my dissertation lol

what has a season pass in their DVR hmmm this is an interesting one…i like to think jaden loves crime shows because they’re heroes and he likes watching the good guys ™ win in the end. his favorite show is psych (which u all should watch its hilarious) but since that ended a while ago he’s been in to criminal minds and SVU because he likes watching the really diabolical criminals get caught. bastion never knew his mans was into such dark stuff until he opened the season pass thingy and got quite the heart attack because he thought jaden was all butterflies and flowers and funny stuff but bastion had to learn the duality of man the hard way. bastion doesn’t watch television that much but his guilty pleasure is vikings on the history channel and stuff on the discovery channel because he loves learning what a nerd

who controls the netflix queue jaden is the one that likes to watch netflix the most but i wouldnt say he’s in control per se. they’re usually down for watching what each other likes but in the end jaden will sometimes end up superseding bastion because dammit bas we are not watching a documentary about the dead sea scrolls you dont even believe in god and bastions like fine youre cute we can watch Castle (even though thats not on netflix but i wish it were)

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working jaden. jaden all the way. bastion brings up a a wikihow article about how to fix the hvac system and he’s like I CAN FIX THIS and jadens like ily babe but you work with chemicals not with this kind of thing ur gonna break it like the time u tried to fix the sink and fuckin clogged the shit out of it we are calling Cheryl and Cheryl’s like jaden im a housekeeper call someone who actually does this for a living. anyway while theyre waiting for the professionals to get there bastion tries to demonstrate he knows what he’s doing he is smort by writing the steps and shit on the wall and jadens like youre so cute but no dont touch the heating system. he has to distract his lil nerd by asking him about what deck he should use for his next tournament or what the probability of drawing three polymerizations on the first turn is and bastion loves talking about math so jaden keeps asking questions until the system is fixed (he doesnt remember much of bastions mathematical explanations but bastion looks so cute with his eyes all bright and shiny talking about statistics)

who leaves their stuff around BOTH they are slobs. jadens a bit worse if we’re being honest because while bastion leaves his papers and cards around schmaden schmuki leaves his underwear and food and cups in the living room and is prone to stripping off his clothes for one reason or another and just laying on the couch watching ESPN with his goddamn pants on the floor and saying they were constricting his knees or some shit when bastion asks why he feels the need to be half naked all the time. bastion had his own room in college so he doesnt quite understand why jadens comfortable just answering the door with a trail of clothing behind him because most people that dont know him assume he’s been getting bizzay but nah he just be Like That

who remembers to buy the milk jaden do because he drinks milk in his coffee. bastion drinks it black so if theres no milk its like eh whatever but jaden is a mess without his caffeine and he hates how bitter and gross it is when theres no milk in it so even if jaden’s not the one going to the grocery store he’ll write it on the wall so bastion will remember it because his mans dont check his texts that often but anything on that wall he fuckin remembers and jaden doesnt understand why he be Like That

who remembers anniversaries both! they are dumb thick in love with each other and they like to plan little things to do for the anniversary of their first date, when they made it official, their wedding, etc. jaden is much more extravagant and will do something like jump on the bed until bastion wakes up and then drag him out for breakfast and get atticus to sing a really off-key renditions of classic love songs and bastion blushes so hard and its so cute it should be criminal lmao. bastion will get jaden a cute little gift like one of those pictures where the artist takes a photo and paints it so they can hang it on their wall. or bastion will fine tune his duel disk or get him a new card for his deck. they are in big gay love and i love them so much

thanks for this ask on god i just wrote 1800 words of tutorship feels i have a problem lol

#sailorspencer #ygogx #the boy #bastion #the otp #tutorshipping #i had sooo much fun writing this im love fluffy domestic tutorship boys

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durararas · 7 years

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ok i’m just stressing out i just need to talk

i think i just have too many emotions in my head like

yesterday i was with my mom and brother with a bunch of my mom’s students to a trip to sf and i brought my bf along and idk how to explain it like it was so weird to see my bf with my family like it was such a surreal sight. and idk if i was like freaking out with dumb thoughts “is he worth keeping?” “maybe your family was right all along there is no way you guys would ever make it” and OK SURE MAYBE WE WON’T MAKE IT?? IS IT BECAUSE HE’S A WHITE A GUY THAT DOESN’T HAVE A DEGREE AND I AM A CHINESE GIRL THAT LIKES NERDY SHIT AND WANTS TO HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE?? like i feel so stressed out thinking about this why the fuck does my family give me such negative shit about who i hang out with, dating or not. like he’s fine and i like talking to him about stuff. do i love him??? god idk it’s still early and we are busy all the time. i don’t want to rush into relationships that stresses me out so much doesn’t love grow in time? it’s not like i want to marry him right away i agree with having a stable income first is important

and then my career.... i love my kids.... but there was a survey at my school that was like are you coming back to teach next year? and i said yes and they they also asked are you going to resign/take a leave of abscence and i said yes and the principal IMMEDIATELY CAME TO MY ROOM AND WAS LIKE WHERE ARE YOU GOING and i was like... i want to go to grad school??? and they were like oh okay!! when you go tell us so we can work your schedule around your grad school!! but i was like.... in my mind.... but what if i don’t come back to this school to a different town? i don’t know god

and even worse i love my kids... yeah some of them are brats but i love seeing them grow and come into my class so excited to learn about music! and no one tells you this but with young kids we play with them pretty much. you talk their language in ways they understand the world with them. i had stuffed animals for them and they were always curious about their lives and it’s like i played it out with them. and so many students have told me they loved music so much and they don’t want me to leave and i just don’t know... they don’t know i want to go to grad school

and i’m also wondering if i should regret going into screenwriting mfa which is so different from music ed. i don’t have a lot of experience in it. my bf even said i should go for it anyway because this would be the time to do it or i won’t ever have the chance and he’s right. i guess i’ve always wanted to try doing this too but i haven’t done anything at all. i’ve mostly either slept too much, logged onto here too much (fuck u tumblr), or worked extensively on my current job. i’m always lesson planning. when will i ever have time to work on my stories?

god i feel like crying i’m so stressed idk if this is all but i have too many things in my mind

Edit: jk i do. and with the whole screenwriting thing... will i even be good at it? idek how i was able to teach small children how to sing how the fuck did i do that will i be able to make stories that will move people on the big screen? will it work? will people even like my stories?

and then like..... my bf and i are so different is it really not going to work out? are we that different? We have similar view points in life... like i don’t mind if they aren’t into kpop, anime, gaming or whatever the nerdy stuff people are into these days because he isn’t and i don’t want to be with someone that’s always like that and just UGH I DON’T KNOW I DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I WANT I’M SO STRESSED

#i write useless text posts that no one gives a shit about #please don't reblog #negative #mostly

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sugarthief · 7 years

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general standard tag game! tagged by @xenoshadel ty!

what’s your age? shit ah... 22... but... my bday is... quite soon. im starting to feel old garfield What’s your current job? uh... im an independent artist! I make almost nothign!! :v (but i never intended for this to be an actual job so) BUT i actually just got hired as a tutor (kinda shitty i know but its SOMETHING) and i have an interview for a pharmacy assistant position tomorrow!! fingers crossed (still not much better than a glorified cashier BUT at least i get to breathe the air of the healthcare profession ;; i guess) ... ya tbh employment has been a stressful subject for me lately. what are you talented at? um. id say im naturally good at a whole lot of things. but to the point where i take on too many things and never actually get really good at anything specifically... im pretty good at academics, music, art, working with my hands, etc (but not sports). so ya jack of all trades (except sports), master of none. what is a big goal you are working toward (or have already achieved)? getting into med school... i didnt get an interview this time around, but next year im going to apply to way more schools and... im hoping something will come of it! what’s your aesthetic? candy i guess? boys in lingerie. spicy grandads, hair accessories on dudes, idk im not good with this kind of thing i kinda just exist do you collect anything? yes i have a very terrible curse called figure collecting ;; its so expensive please dont do this to yourself (but ngl i love it they make me so happy;;) i mean im not currently strapped for cash or anything but another reason why i need a job. is so that i dont gradually bankrupt myself buying tiny plastic dudes. what’s a topic you always talk about? currently, jojo. much to the dismay of some of my friends. but i also love to discuss like ethical issues tbh. i will talk to anyone about anything what’s a pet peeve of yours? when people arent willing to try things out for themselves. im willing to try just about anything, and if i dont like it i can always drop it lmao good advice to give? um... im not really sure if im in much of a position to give advice at the moment but uh. do the things you like? OH try hard in school! this is mostly directed at post-secondary students but like. if you’re planning to go to grad/professional school (and even if you arent... you never know) your grades are important, dont slack off! and see you doctor asap if you think there’s something that’s preventing you from doing your best. dont be like me and sleep through half of 1st and 2nd year cause you’re not getting medicated for your mental illness :vvv what are three songs you’d recommend? Great Days (yes the jojo op) gives me +1 mental health (stacks up to 6 times, stacks deteriorate over the course of several hours) uh and im too lazy to do any others... i usually listen to albums rather than songs anyways

tagging @saltylibra @illuminatorsoldick @gogozeppelii @derolo (o I think its supposed to be tag people u want to get to know better... and you guys are the ones i know the best so i guess kinda unproductive... ok sure i casually tag all my mutuals :v do it if u want to, I do want to know everyone better :v)

#tag games #rob control to major rob

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perksofbeingcindy · 5 years

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My Yearly Update !

Hello, to anybody out in the universe who might or might not be reading this. Well.. another entire year went by since I made my last post on here, so not much progress, eh? Listen, I am clearly terrible at this. And I don’t even know why, because I do really enjoy it, but as with everything else, I can’t seem to ever find the motivation to remain constant with it. Will I ever finish anything??!!

Anyways, let’s keep the ball rolling. To be quite honest with you, the past couple of months have been a total blur and emotional rollercoaster. Way too much has happened during this past year for me to try and make a month-to-month review like last time, therefore I will try to just sum up the main points. Education Let’s rip the band aid off and begin with school. Well, I totally blew it with the whole passing classes aspect of school. To the point where I’m currently on probation. As of right now, I’m doing alright in all of classes, but I MUST pass both math classes I’m taking at SDSU or else it’s bye bye education. At least for an entire year. Which would really suck ass because we already know how I am with the whole picking things up again that I left unfinished. Aka I better fucking pass. Besides that, nothing much has changed. Still stress to the point of breaking down. Kinda feel one of those episodes creeping in but we chill. we out here.

Workwise I got a second job! I need a constant change of scenery or else I get bored and unmotivated to keep on going. Therefore, I decided to spice up my life a little and applied to be a tutor at my community college’s tutoring center. I managed to get the job about 2 months ago, and so far it’s been pretty alright! Unfortunately though, I am not getting as many hours as I’d like to, because I’m kinda in a tight money situation right now, but environment-wise it’s pretty great. It feels good to breath a little from the high school environment, and kinda of makes me consider going for my masters sooner than planned, in order to teach at a community college part time while simultaneously working my high school job. Would that drive me insane? Probably. But anyways, that’s at least good 5 years away in the future. So, one step at a time porfavor. I also applied in order to have more experience teaching a different array of people, in order to build up my resume. And well, in order to meet more people! It’s nice to make #demcontacts at the high school I’m working at, but I wanted to make new acquaintances that are closer to my age, and I think I’m doing a pretty good job at that so far, so hopefully that keeps up! I’ll be attending my first workshop in a couple of weeks, so I’m excited to get to meet more tutors that work for the center. ngl, there’s one particular tutor who I’d like to get to know better, so let’s hope that happens ;)

Photography Ok this particular area in my life is where I advanced the most during the last year. After I got that little photogig last August, I got to work two other times for that same family, therefore I’m practically their unofficial official photographer haha. I’ve also gotten to shoot not only 1, but TWO weddings since then! which is hella crazy to me because I didn’t picture myself doing that for a while. The beginning of this year was pretty quiet in this area of my life, but once May came around, graduations also came around. Amy came through again and recommended her friend to work with me for her SDSU grad pics!! So after that, I decided to promote myself on the local fb groups and managed to work on like 6 other shoots in the span of one month, which was a pretty huge deal to me. I was super busy that month but I didn’t even mind because I was having the time of my life. It was then that I realized that I wanted to start working more on my portraits, and therefore I did. Another local photographer gave me the chance to work with her for a collab, and it was definitely one of the best experiences of my life up to now. I am still so content with how those photos came out, and still have so many of them to show to the world. That also happened in June, and I got the chance to work with her again in September for another amazing collab. It involved driving to laguna beach, which was already beautiful on its own, and we took photos of models in wedding dresses on the beach. Definitely my favorite photos I’ve created to this date. I really hope that she gives me the chance to work with her again in the future. After that, I had a shoot for a quince during mid-october which also went pretty nicely. We drove to Lake Cuyamaca and it was really nice there. it REALLY made me wanna keep driving further in, in order to experience colorful trees. Unfortunately, I will probably not be able to this year. And well that brings us to now. I have many shoot ideas/concepts that I’d love to bring to life before the year ends, but for that I need models. I’m still working on my people skills so honestly just accomplishing one of my ideas would be incredible. Lets hope that gets to happen. I also really truly wanna shoot for The Regrettes!! They’re coming back to SD and I won’t forgive myself if I miss them again. Shooting for them but just be a huge cherry on the top.

Lifewise I have not been feeling the best lately and I’m not too sure why. I think it’s just every little thing going wrong in my life is just piling up and waiting to spill aka for me to have a breakdown. It’s a little overdue so I’m kinda just preparing for it to happen. I’ve been super tense lately and I don’t know how to relax. Money is an issue right now, or else I would’ve flown somewhere to get away for a little but but since that can’t happen right now, I kinda just have to suck it up. It’s ok though. In general, this year has included some of the highest peaks of my life, like finally meeting my bae Michael Clifford!! but its also been full of many stressful moments and therefore it’s just been wack. I’m excited for this to be over. I need a fresh start. Oh, I also finally bought a planner for this academic year and I’ve actually been keeping up with it to the best of my ability so that’s a huge thing for me. I also celebrated 1 year of being vegetarian not so long ago so that felt nice. And that’s pretty much it. Well, I think thats a pretty alright summary of how my life’s been for the past year or so. Since I now have a planner, I will try my best to schedule Monthly blog posts, in order to be able to better describe what’s going on. I like reminiscing but most importantly, I like to look back at how much I’ve grown during the months/year. Sometimes it’s truly the hardest thing in the world to motivate myself to keep moving forward. Like what’s the point, right? well, after looking back and seeing how much I’ve accomplished since the last post, it feels pretty darn good. So, thank you past me. Now, future me, I hope that you managed to keep growing even more by the time you read this. Thank u.

#blog post #blogger

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avpdnoisearchive · 6 years

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Hi it's the previous anon, thank you for your response it was very helpful. i'm currently doing a B.A in psychology in Canada and as far as I know when applying we need to send a transcript, your C.V, letters of reference, and get accepted by a supervisor. Since it's psyc research experience is really important Apparently I'm in the top 15% of my program but most of the classes i'm taking this semester have A- averages and are required to apply to grad school so I'd not stand out much anymore.

ahh ok, it is definitely easier to get accepted into a master’s program! they generally admit more students. i also had an A- average for my BA, i just made the cut off point.

in lieu of research experience, i’d suggest two things that you can put on your CV that are not social: journals and conferences. send any of your papers out to undergraduate journals and conferences - this can seem like it’s really scary but it’s honestly much easier and more chill than you’d think. getting published in a journal might be the easier thing if you’re afraid of public speaking. i know my avpd prevented me from submitting things to journals but once i started doing it i couldn’t believe i was scared of it before

also with your grades i really think you’ll definitely get into a third or second tier school. top 15% is amazing! students with top 5% will likely choose to go to the university of toronto, the university of british columbia, mcgill, or an american school and will leave the road wide-open for you to go to other schools. with my A- and basically no research/work experience, i got put on a waitlist for queen’s - once all the top students they wanted declined and went to the top schools, i got in. and having gone to both u of t and two less prestigious schools, the experience at the supposedly “worse” schools are INFINITELY better. i hope that makes sense? basically it’s hard for me to imagine you getting rejected from every school with at least an A-. (also this is just totally throwing it out there, but it’s apparently easier to get in grad schools in the UK and i know some people who have done that. obviously that’s a bit buckwild but idk it’s potentially an option? or a back-up?)

(also defs keep trying for research experience, and maybe ask advice from people who have landed those positions? i wish i could help you more with that!!)

applying to grad school was one of the most stressful times in my life.. actually probably the most stressful. so i totally get how you’re feeling. i really believed i wouldn’t get it anywhere, but you just have to cast a wide net and have faith in your GPA

#anonymous

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lazylacadaemon · 7 years

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(1) hi! this is a similar question to the other anon asking advice, but with a different twist. i'd like to ask specficially if you have any advice for uni students planning to major in classics/classical studies? how was your experience with it? did you end up focusing more on the history/archaeology side of things or the ancient languages? is it possible to do both? also, on a somewhat related note, how do you find doing your masters in classics in canada? i'm briefly (cont..)

(2) considering it (i’m on the west coast), but job prospects look…. a little dismal. is that just me, or is that a legitimate concern? would you happen to know what kind of options are out there in academia now for people who’d like to pursue more than an undergrad in the humanities? sorry that this ask is a little out of control with the questions. feel free to filter out your answers; i don’t want to bother you too much or take up too much of your time!

Hey thanks for dropping by to ask, I’l do my best to account for as many things as I can. This could get long haha. A lot of this is from my (limited) personal experience and the experience of people I know, so don’t take it as the be all end all answer.

1. Classics in general

I adore the discipline, I adore my profs, and while I complain a lot about dead languages I really don’t have any regrets doing it. I think the experience will vary from school to school and country to country, but I just want to get my overarching fondness for the ancient world out of the way.

In my undergrad I focused mostly on art history and archaeology (though my minor is in linguistics) because I’m a very visual person, I’m a self-taught artist, and it was interesting to me. My supervisor (who sort of adopted me because I took so many of her classes) is the one who really loves getting down in the dirt and she’s always trying to get me to get out there too but I’ve never been on a dig and I honestly don’t know how useful I’d be on one. xD In grad school now I’m in a program called Ancient Societies and Cultures which is an interdisciplinary program- there are people like me who are Classics majors that want to bridge that gap between literature/language and archaeology and history, but there are also people who major in things like math/engineering who want an older perspective on things too. As far as I know, my university is the only one with such a MA program in classics.

But yeah it’s certainly possible to do both in undergrad- I took a lot of myth courses, a lot of history courses, and a few courses I wouldn’t have thought to take due to limited options in certain years (but tbh I nearly died in 500 level Roman Monarchy because I know pretty much nothing about Late Imperial Roman History, just the art lol). I of course took a lot of Greek and Latin- I was going through a bit of a crisis in my first couple years trying to decide between East Asian Studies and Classics, and taking Intermediate Japanese at the same time as Intro Ancient Greek was… interesting. I didn’t take Latin until my MA- I don’t think it was a Super important requirement for what I was doing, but I’m very glad I did it anyway. Also… a shameful admittance… I have my BA in Classics, I am maybe 2 months tops from getting my MA… and I have never read the Iliad- the closest equivalent to a bible there is- all the way through. In English. (I’ve read the Odyssey twice to make up for it though)

2. Classics in Canada

The first most important distinction in Classical studies: in North America, Classics is usually put together with the history department. In Europe, Classics is still fundamentally linked to its origins in philology. Classical archaeology in particular is actually a really niche discipline, at least in North America- the anthropologists don’t want it because we have “too much literature”, the historians don’t want it because we have “too much dirt”, and the art historians sometimes begrudgingly take us in even though they aren’t super fond of dirt either. I had a colleague who referred to a complete and utter lack of good programs in classical archaeology at “the university that shall not be named” in Toronto (whatever it was, it did leave quite a sour impression on him).

Secondly, Canadian students relative to American and European students entering classics are at a particular disadvantage if they want to dive right into languages: in the States, there seems to be a Latin revival in secondary school- maybe even in primary school- so you can legitimately have people with 4 years of Latin straight out of high school under their belts. In Canada, the last private school that offered Latin at the secondary level dropped the program. It’s not a big problem if you are doing an undergrad and are super interested in doing languages (although they’ve cut the Classical Languages Major here because only like 2 people did it… pretty ridic still and a lot of my profs are Very Angry), but say you are me who took Greek in undergrad on a whim but no Latin, and then looking at grad schools like UBC who seem to cater to American/International students by requiring a minimum of six years of Latin or Greek and four in the other- friggin impossible when you only have been doing Greek and no Latin for half your undergrad. However, if you love Latin there are (or at least… there were, idk what’s up with this political mess) a lot of prospects in the US for teaching Latin and it’s an easy straight shot from uni into the field (easy if you don’t mind living in the States).

Finally, specifically, I don’t know much about Classics outside my university. I’m a student at the U of A and, being the filthy rich Albertans we are, we tend to have a lot of advantages that other universities might not. We have a tidy little collection of artefacts in our museum from Greece, Italy, Egypt and the Near East, the UK, and so forth. We have regular exchange programs in Italy for students interested in poli sci, history, art history, or classics, and we have regular digs in both Italy and Greece. We also have pretty decent entrance requirements and great profs- still pretty limited to Greece and Rome, but I think we recently got someone who is an expert in Sanskrit for instance, which is great. I don’t know much about other universities- I’ve heard gossip that U of T has some interesting department drama, and I had a former classmate who really really really loved a particular school on the east coast (the name is escaping me right now but it was clear she would have much rather been there- I want to say it’s in New Brunswick).

3. Job Prospects

ok let me get one thing very clear: i’m really

really

rEALLy tired of people who have only taken high school repeatedly telling me that the Only Thing you can get with a History/Classics Degree is being a professor (or a teacher). The professor life is a very viable option and a lot of profs will either nudge you toward it or away from it- my dad is a prof (not in humanities) and is really pressuring me to do a phd because ‘its the best job in the world’ etc etc but I’m not sure if it’s what I wanna do, at least not yet. I really don’t like the idea of moving around where the jobs are, and a lot of it does depend heavily on travelling around to lectures and talking to people and hoping you make a good connection. It is dismal, as my profs will be the first to admit, but Classics is definitely still hiring new profs- my uni just got a new mediterranean archaeologist I believe after holding auditions for a couple months.

This is a worry that comes up so often in classes and there isn’t a straight answer for it- the terrifying and also liberating answer is that life is messy. It’s not terribly likely you’ll get a job in your field- but that applies to classicists and historians just as it does to engineers and microbiologists. The degree, the specialty, isn’t that important. Getting it done, doing something is more important.

I’m not the best person to ask about what happens after university because I’m right on the brink of moving to Toronto to do another MA in Museum Studies/Information Studies - I’ve been in school from Kindergarten with no breaks and I’m going to be in University for exactly 10 years- not too keen on spending another 7 doing a phd. I’ve been in a very lucky position and my parents have been very supportive of me, I can’t thank them enough. They’ve been saving since I was born to send me to university, and my dad was very supportive of my arts degree because I get to do a lot of the things he didn’t have the option to do when he was going to school and I get to provide his discipline with a new perspective and vice versa every time we talk. I have a great support network of family and friends who have made this possible for me and I’m forever in their debt.

Knowing ancient greek isn’t going to get me a job, but knowing how to talk about ancient greek to people who are curious, knowing how to communicate in writing, how to communicate orally, how to make my subject less impenetrable and elitist for other people are all skills that are invaluable to me. Who knows, maybe some employer will look at a resume like /you know greek AND latin? you must be a crazy hard worker and disciplined to pick up dead languages/. If you get wrapped up in the “what am I going to do with this”, you’re not really focusing on the right things? Sometimes it won’t be obvious until you’re looking back on it, or until someone else is looking at it. I’ll pull up the typical ‘JK Rowling was a classics major’ of course, and I’ll point out that there are so many many many more jobs out there than there are fields that account for them. If that piece of paper gets you a job you enjoy, regardless of whether you use 100% of your skills and knowledge every day, then enjoying the road to getting that piece of paper is worth it imho.

Think beyond teaching, think about archaeology, museums, archives, local history, information, movies and documentaries, writing fiction or non-fiction… and there are possibilities out there that haven’t occurred to me only because I’m still in school. You can’t predict what jobs are going to look like in the future and hell, job prospects for snake people are dismal enough as it is. I live in a province that’s absolutely flooded with engineers for example, and a lot of them face difficulties because of the rollercoaster economy here regardless of how ‘useful’ the degree is considered relatively. Might as well do something you enjoy, something that is applicable to multiple disciplines (Classics is like history, language arts, art history, etc all rolled into one and they all teach basics of communication, critical thinking, etc. that are indispensable for any society). Also, Classics remains desperately isolated from other disciplines in part because people have been avoiding it- there’s a lot that could be done uniting it with other disciplines like cultural studies or computers - especially because so many profs make new websites that look straight out of the 90s. -cries-

I know this wasn’t part of your question but also consider it from a social angle- Classics is considered to be a dying discipline in part because it is considered “useless” and partly as it has been historically perceived- correctly- as “elitist”. However, you’ll notice that classics is becoming more and more relevant, particularly with the rise of extreme right, white/euro supremacist groups appropriating the imagery of “western civilization”. The discipline desperately needs fresh ideas, new perspectives, and challenges to the status quo to keep idiots like this from misusing the ancient world for their own racist, sexist agendas. My thesis is getting increasingly relevant to this as I continue writing it, and though it will ultimately reach a small audience the knowledge that I’ve researched myself and have had peer reviewed will become invaluable to me in dispelling misconceptions and outright lies about ‘western’ civilization. Please consider it from that angle as well.

#hapo rambles #hapo's gradventures #gradblr #classics #advice #Anonymous #hapo advice

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