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#but idk i dont really have to. im afraid shes gonna tell me she never got the data i sent her at 3am bc she never sent it back
opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#dear diary. im sad again wah#agh not sad exactly. just brain fog. i can't focus and im so tired but i haven't even done anything#like ive done not that much this weekend. which sucks bc ive got so much to do.#i didnt even draw too much today bc i was so out of focus. i dont even kno what i did today#i think ive just kinda been laying here since like 4 or 5 and its almost 9 now#so idk. i wish i could control my attention and make it do things#ugh ill try to work on campus tomorrow. at least until 1 when i have to meet a guy abt a phd position#but i feel like im gonna die on campus bc there r ppl there :-( but i cant focus here either#everything's just foggy. i dont kno it might help if i met with my boss so we could talk abt things that need to get done#but idk i dont really have to. im afraid shes gonna tell me she never got the data i sent her at 3am bc she never sent it back#and then im gonna cry. but whatever#next week were going out to the field again. for a week. gathering more samples thst will kill me later#so i might freak out again. but its not as far a drive this time. and the other person were going with knows me fairly well#im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. ugh.#maybe i should banish myself from tumblr until i actually get things done. thst will increase my suffering but might shorten the duration#blah. i wish i could read. or focus. that would make reading papers less terrible#idk what im even gonna do tomorrow. program a thing. write some stuff. continue to be sad and out of focus#too much thinking abt the future and stressing out abt picking a program to join when i haven't even been accepted yet#i mean. to b fair i got accepted to all the schools i applied to for my masters and i didnt kno shit back then#so i feel like if u have a masters the grad school is like: ok u kno how to do grad school ur in#bc grad school is fucking weird#but im like do i wanna do 3.5yrs in the uk on a riskier program or up to 5yrs in the us where the vibe feels more stable#but idk i havent even started writing for the scholarships and i feel like im too late to apply for one of them anyway bc its like jumping#thru 90 thousand hoops. so idk. idk. i have to create a project proposal 1st and idk what to do.#i mean i sorta kno but like i dont wanna sound dumb so agh. im tired#i want the perfect idea to come sweep me off my feet but i instantly start talking myself out of everything#ugh. actually i kno what happened. i got all excited on Thursday. like properly excited. which i dont like to do bc my mood bottoms out#afterwards. like this. that's why i dont get excited abt things. i keep myself at a stable neutral. a light misery if u will#hhhhhh so im rambling and procrastinating and sad. but tomorrow will b better bc Tomorrow i. will. focus.#unrelated
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the-owl-house-takes · 8 months
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ngl i rly love the idea of both philip AND caleb being evil assholes
imagine if caleb wanted to wipe out humanity bc his view of them had become so warped after growing up in a town full of witch hunters, so he had this twisted desire to protect witchkind by killing all humans (sound familiar?)
i also like to think caleb initially kept up his "whoa calm down bro" facade during the knife fight but then eventually dropped it and told philip "i shouldve killed you before i left" and went absolutely apeshit on him
(i dont think philip wouldve ever known abt calebs hatred of humanity tho bc imo caleb wouldve been smart enough to not tell him. so philip attacking caleb was still rooted solely on his anti-witch bigotry and does NOT make him a "hero" whatsoever lol)
ik (iirc) dana said evelyn chose caleb bc he seemed to be the nicest person in gravesfield but 1. caleb wouldve been hiding his hatred of humanity for obvious reasons and 2. we dont know shit abt evelyn herself, for all we know her standards couldve been "someone who wouldnt kill a witch on sight"
(speaking of evelyn i personally dont think she was evil in any way. i hc her as more of a batshit chaotic neutral character who did whatever she wanted as long as its fun anyways)
in this case caleb would be interesting foils to philip (anti-human vs anti-witch), hunter (who has an affinity to the human realm and is close to some humans like luz and camila) and the clawthorne sisters (both eda and lilith are flawed but still ultimately good ppl. both the clawthornes and the wittebanes subvert the "good sibling evil sibling" trope this way)
idk exactly what caleb and flapjacks relationship wouldve been like tho they had to have been close to some degree right? but at the same time i think flapjack had always disagreed with calebs anti-human sentiments but was afraid to actively oppose him, and ofc flap was happy that hunter was able to befriend a human and enjoy the human realm
speaking of hunter i. i was gonna say "imagine if hunter found out abt caleb wanting to wipe out humanity lol so angsty" but tbh i think that would just be TOO traumatic to him (even for an angst enjoyer like me) like he straight up wont be able to recover from that imo. or at least take a REALLY long time to recover but either way i dont think he should learn abt that kinda stuff. i do think it would be interesting if luz, eda and lilith found out tho
i also originally had the hc that caleb built the cat eye portal with the purpose of ambushing gravesfield once he was ready, but after the papa titan eye reveal in wad im not even sure who built that portal anymore- well either way caleb still wouldve wanted to build A portal ig (not the other one that led to the clawthorne house, i think that was probably evelyns)
also. the irony of both caleb and philip dying as smth that theyve hated (caleb died as a human and philip died as a "witch/demon", not literally the species in philips case but more luzs definition of "powerful magic user", and we can all agree that monster philip is demonic). i do think caleb was trying to find ways to turn himself into a real witch but philip killed him before he could succeed
uhh idk how to end this long ass post lmao- actually yk what im just gonna go ahead and say ik this will probably never be canon even if we get more official toh content in the future, its just a fun idea/hc i rly like!!! i have so much more to say abt this hc but imma stop here for now bc i dont want this ask to be TOO long lol
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yuukei-yikes · 9 months
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Been thinking about what kind of interaction haruka and seto would have since they never spoke with each other (from what i know), but i think they'd be the cutest together because they're both so... idk i just love them (they are my wiwis you have to understand). Setomary harutaka double date would be insane, like, picture this: while haruka and seto would probably be talking about how much they love their girlfriends (they are full of love and whimsical feelings), takane would be like "how tf do i start conversation with this lovecraftian ass creature (with due respect)" because mary wouldn't know what to say either BUT SHE WANTS TO SHE'S JUST REALLY SHY 😔😔😔
oh i got GREAT NEWS for you
you know im always talking about post str haruka keeping a little distance from the dan cuz he knows them but they dont know him and etc etc etc etc. well! i actually hc that outside takane shintaro and ayano of course, SETO is the one member of the dan haruka is very good friends with in early post str. and thats cuz.... he is also the one member of the dan (again outside the quartet)haruka has actually spoken to before being konoha!!! its time for me to talk about the novels again❤️
IM ABT TO KAGEXPLAIN TO YOU BUT ILL GET TO SETOMARY & HARUTAKA AT THE END and my hcs on their dynamics :3 but first let me tell u abt seto&haruka's and mary&takanes friendships. spoilers duh
in the sixth novel, haruka stays over at kenjirou's house for 1 week while he works on the game with him. there haruka meets ayano for the first time, and finds out mr tateyama has FOUR kids. despite haruka is pranked a little by these mysterious 3 siblings he never meets them directly. its rly funny cuz haruka's like can i introduce myself to them i mean im gonna be staying for a week. and ayano's like WHAT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. and harukas like ok damn i guess i wont meet them
but haruka DOES meet seto during his stay! its one of my FAVORITE chapters of the whole novel. this bit has a 2 page illustration cmon!!!!!!! SETOS HAMSTER BITES HARUKAS FOOT
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ok erm anyway. chapter summary of seto&haruka's interaction: haruka went to buy some snacks at the convenience store at night, and when he comes in seto's hamster hanao BITES his damn foot!!!!!! (attacker shown on pic) seto rushes right over like NOOOO HANAOOO
haruka and seto share an awkward greeting bc seto wants to run away asap but haruka's rly desperate to meet him so he invites him to eat the free pudding he won at the grocery store and seto accepts. then they sit and chat while eating pudding :3
haruka invites seto to come to the festival, seto thanks him but says he cant bc he's bad with crowds and he also has a job interview for being a part time paperboy. he assures him his other siblings will show up (as we know, kido and kano do show up but haruka never knew they were ayano and setos siblings at that point!!!)
when seto starts talking abt this job interview he mentions his mom is dead. in that conversation haruka finds out about ayaka. idk about the original line in japanese, but haruka says "mr tateyama's wife is dead?" because of course from his pov the shock comes from his relationship with kenjirou. he feels rly bad that kenjirou acts all happy and normal at school while going through this. seto acts surprised haruka didn't know
haruka expresses sadness over being such a pain for kenjirou then, but seto says that's not true and that kenjirou talks about him all the time. *pretends to be normal about kenjirou*
seto reveals kenjirou called haruka his pride and joy while drunk, which makes haruka tear up. while drunk he also said he'd bring haruka over to make him be ayano's boyfriend lmao and seto says he and kano&kido freaked out about it and were like WE WILL PROTECT U FOR THIS GUY NEECHAN😡😡😡 WHICH IS LIKE. A LAYER OF CONTEXT TO A BIT THAT HAPPENS EARLIER IN THE NOVEL bc they give haruka A REALLY HARD TIME when he arrives and its basically implied they did this bc they were afraid he was gonna hit on ayano lol (jin jokes in his author's notes he literally wanted haruka to hit on ayano literally for shit and giggles but his editor was like dude this is ooc can you take this fucking seriously)
it's also implied seto read haruka's mind when he arrived and since haruka had been thinking of takane and being kind of... he was like her hair her eyes her lips etcetc he was just.... being a 16 year old about it. and seto assumed it was about ayano, told his siblings and there kano went in disguised as ayano to give haruka a piece of his mind. honestly read the sixth novel its hilarious idk if its cuz its a novel with all my faves but its one of the best erm anyways back to the pudding chapter
before seto goes his eye power activates and he basically almost collapses or something. haruka gets rly worried but seto is able to calm down and he leaves. i hc that in this scene seto found out haruka was dying. i dont have proof other than seto probably read his mind there. but i like the hc😄
anyways!! fast forward to the end of the eighth novel, seto (and mary and hibiya) are in the real world while literally everyone else is dead inside the daze. they make a phonecall because of reasons i wont explain and everyone is screaming into it trying to talk to the outside guys, and haruka has a single line where he says "kousuke its me haruka!!!!! remember when we had that pudding together 2 years ago!!!!" hehe its so cute im so glad jin added that
basically. haruka and seto BEST FRIENDS. when haruka is back post str he would be very comfortable with seto and seto would for sure approach haruka and hang out with him. i definitely think haruka's the closest to seto outside of the yuukei quartet!!! like come on theyd be such good friends🥺 i was thinking of harutaka cat last night and i 1000% think seto is the one to find them a pet. seto is always taking haruka to see cats
NOW!!! MARY&TAKANE!!! they definitely don't have as much interaction as haruka&seto bc jin would rather die than write proper scenes for his female characters alone However it is said they hit it off immediately when they meet! ene makes an unforgettable comment abt mary and momo being gay which mary doesnt understand and momo like a good kisaragi wants to kill ene. anyways thats a little funny one
ill talk what i remember the most! the fourth novel: shintaro wakes up and finds mary complaining she can't talk to ene and it turns out shintaro's phone has no battery. shintaro explains the concept of a Charger and Electricity and Mary's like whoa ene eats some weird stuff huh
so she starts looking for a charger. shintaro tells her not to hurry bc theyre better off without her anyways and mary gets mad at him and tells him to stop MEAN to ene!!!!! and says she must ALSO feel lonely in there!!!! and shintaro's like o_o!! ok damn!!!!
that's the only mary&takane i can think of. but they're really good friends i think takane's as much of a tease to her as she is to everyone but mary doesnt always understand LOL but they get along well :3 theyre besties :3 like for real mary momo & ene have a girl gang that could rule the world.
then mary finds some snakeskin in a drawer with the charger and shintaro and kido almost shit their pants etcetc BUT when mary got mad, shintaro has some rly cute thoughts about ene. he remarks how absolutely no one in the dan ever questioned what the hell is ene or how she works, bc theyre all weirdos so of course they dont question other weirdos(and one of my fave shinene lines, where shintaro admits hes developed an affinity for her and that it's because of her he met all these nice people and she might as well be his salvation *fucking explodes*) anyways. he thinks ofc mary and ene hit it off. i think its so cute that mary wanted to talk to ene and just took shintaros phone to do it!!
anyways. THEYRE ALL BEST FRIENDS :3 :3 :3 :3 setomary & harutaka double date is totally possible. and we should get seto&takane to be best friends too like i think theyd be sooooo funny together. i ALWAYS say when takane gets her body back there is no way she could walk so comfortably like she does and since seto (and kano) are there i hc seto carries her back to the hideout from the lab💥💥💥
harutaka & setomary is so funny since ive been in the fandom for so long i can tell u people always compared them like the insane pda ones and though i dont rly agree with that i still think its a funny and nostalgic hc. i think itd be cute if seto told haruka he likes mary but no one else. like everyone KNOWS. duh. but he tells haruka IDK I LIKE THIS HC Because kano and kido will tease him and ayano and mary are awkward with each other (bc i say so) so seto tells haruka like omg i have a crush on mary ://3 and haruka's like omg no way whats ur fave thing about her *kicks feet* they should get to talk abt their crushes together OKAY.
i do think haruka&takane start dating pretty soon or are dating in whatever moment seto comes to haruka to talk abt mary so idk i think its cute if seto went to haruka also bc he's like. hes the only person i know who has a partner 🫡 i like a lot of ships that i think happen eventually and all have their own shitshows and moments but i think haruka&takane are the very first to get together and everyones like yeah. they're the couple ig. Ok sorry someone hold me down before i start talking again about harutaka being the romance love story of kagepro
ermmm basically yes best friends!!!!!
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insert-neologism · 29 days
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maybe by flower face - notes
Im sorry abt the blocks of text in the middle omg it was NOT supposed to be this long but im citing ppl! very exciting.
STILL WITH COLOURS but now its harder to explain bc its not pov; theyre being talked to. so im gonna just keep the original colours from the planning doc (wich is mostly who is shown rn)
jackie blue, shauna red
You cut so deep but
she cuts herself. p obvious i think. but its not only physical (more or less) but also jackies words (in the context of the whole scene)
I’ve always loved you deeper
1we know cannibalism is a sign of love (at least i think everyone whos found my edits does. idk the fanom rlly apart from tumblr). shauna has always loved jackie (even though she doesnt know it), through the years of feeling inferior to jackie (until the end). 2jackie cuts herself to give to shauna but its like more outer layer ig? anyways shauna eats like. her whole or at least not 5 cm flesh
Those voices in your hallway, if you let her in,
sort of resembles a hallway//obvsly th hallucinations started before she ate the ear but it was like the start of the hungry thing
You’ve gotta keep her
love the eye thingy omg. same as above
who’ve you been talking to
more like 'what have u done' but u get the picture
What do they want you to do?
also like. obsvious i think
Baby, I’m afraid you’ve been reckless with my heart
NOW jackie is talking. no more 3rd person narrator.
anyways yeah i dont rlly know what to explain here. she tore the last connection jackie had to their friendship and uh @amygobrrr said it better than I could rn
bc "Shauna was supposed to be the one person who truly loved her. The one person who loved Jackie, not as a soccer captain (like the team did), or as just a girl (like her boyfriend did), or as the mirage of perfect daughter (like her parents did), but loved her as her, as Jackie. Shauna's journal reveals even that to be a lie. [...]
Jackie is hurt, not over Jeff—though he provides her with a convenient excuse to the others—but over what Shauna being willing to sleep with him says to her about how Shauna must view their friendship. Shauna has told her that love and friendship don't matter. The romantic love Jackie knew she didn't feel for Jeff, the romantic love she believed Shauna didn't feel for her, and the platonic love she believed Shauna did; none of them mattered, none of them ever existed. [...]
Jackie is, at this point [the arguing scene], totally convinced that no scrap even of the friendship she was so desperately clinging to really exists. Everything she feels for Shauna is unrequited—everything except, of course, the anger and the hurt."¹
anyways thats why she died
While i was sleeping you slipped in and burst apart
sleeping = death. thats my humor. bursting apart references the panic yk sorta
God knows i love you so, but i won’t be your ghost
(^ thats not wjat ure hungry for is sorta love to me. idk why but i always have to think of that. one day im gonna analyse that)
ghost/hallucination idk. jackie tells her 'what? actually, you dont know. [my death] was totally ur fault'. shes not formless, passive, not just like hanging there (obviously its more shaunas pov as shes the one imagining the whole thing. so its shauna making jackie reject her again? (nvm the 'but we were just children' rn) maybe bc its because thats the most prominent memory shauna has of jackie; being rejected constantly. bc of jeff, bc of her giving her attention to other ppl, by telling her what to wear etc and therefore directly rejecting a part of shauna herself.
in her hallucinations jackie is way more like sharp and mean sorta; thats how shauna remembers her. this is how she lives on in her memory; for shauna, jackie is saying: im not yours, i never was and i never will be, even after death. even when literally nobody else can see me (REGARDING THE LYRIC. NOT THE ACTUAL TEXT i should probably say this.) doesnt matter if that is how jackie really was/felt about shauna bc thats not what it is about. not anymore, not for a long time; its about how shauna sees jackie, and herself through jackie. jackie doestn exist anymore; shes a mere mirror through which shauna sees a distorted version of herself whcih she attributes to jackie. (i feel like i should make a post abt this (esp bc you can reverse the whole thing) if somebody is rreading this (hi) pls tell me if i shouldd)
You’re the one who’s in my body ripping at the seams
(still jackie talking like vo style) I LOVE THIS its about shauna living jackies life. she lives the normal, homecoming-queen, married-her-hs-sweetheart life, not the went-to-brown life. instead of jackie - bc she 'killed' jackie (for the sake of this symbolism). thats shes in her body is a bit more extreme than that shes just living her life but like i get it? she has assumed jackies role, she literally married jackies boyfriend. shes not living a live similar to the one jackie wouldve led, but literally living her life.
but its ripping. bc shauna is not jackie (but fundamentally different.) shes not the normal housewife; if its only bc she cheats or her violent tendencies (outright murder) or her past alone. stuff thats like bigger than jackies body? idk how to say that. rabbits dont symbolize that but they remind me of like innocence almost? childlike maan idk how to say that but stuff that shauna is decidedly not; stuff that jackie probably would be. to me, it shows the difference; shaunas assumed life vs her real self. shes keeping the ceramic rabbits, shes keeping them, shes trying but shes still sb else. its not her life, it was never supposed to be
You’re the one who’s crashing on the highways in my dreams
(now shauna is talking) the bridge has aways been symbolic with dreams for me. probably bc its night there idk anyways jackie is haunting shauna, similar to a nightmare. when she turns jackies gone; it becomes abundantly clear that its not real, its a dream but shes still dead
maybe i won’t, maybe i will
yeah. maybe shell stay outside, maybe shell come inside
haven’t slept so easy since you left me in the wild
rlly love this bc technically shauna left jackie outside, in the wild. and she didnt sleep that well out there (she died). BUT i love it more to interpret this as 'jackie went outside, jackie died and left shauna alone to spiral into madness or something close to.' also shauna hasnt slept that easy after tbh
I wish i could have loved you right
bet she does wish that. bc they loved each other! they really, obviously did. but they (here shauna) didnt know how to do it right;
but i was just a child
(which makes sense consiering their circumstances etc). and they were children and like its normal to make mistakes and idk its probably not that normal to cheat on ur bff with her boyfriend but the point is children make mistakes. only normally they dont die for it. and i dont think shauna was cheating on jeff for jeff but for jackie (which is like. wildly popular thought (?)(has to be bc ive heart of it lol) so i dont think i have to explain it much) (or at all rlly) bc she wanted jackie and the only way she could have her was by getting with her boyfriend (the only person with which she was physically sort of closer than shauna). smell jackie on him and pretend its her etcetc
maybe I won’t, maybe I will
she was with jeff, she is with jeff, but in the same way jackie was and is still with her.
Run back to you
always (shows the progression, jackies always there frfr)
There’s something dark inside me and i can’t get it out
violence etc; its obviously still in her adult years
My thoughts ring in your voice now and i can’t make a sound
like i said above. shauna projects her thoughts onto jackie
You loved me holy with your cross and your disease
eating=holy??maybe. cross stands for faith; technically christian faith but it says YOUR cross and its a heart so its their faith into each other. disease bc idk made sense in my mind
Did you feel that close to god when you had me on my knees?
actually not sure abt that one; either its jackie asking: shaunas finally standing her ground, being bigger than jackie, confronting her and jackie is subdued (on her knees)
OR its shauna asking (in the context of the argument) if jackie ever felt that close to god when she idk put shauna under herself?? how do i word this (in shaunas pov) and jackie responding 'what? no'
If you don’t love me now, well then we all go down
if shauna doesnt go outside to get jackie inside then theyll succumb to cannibalism. and jackie dies (which is what happens, bc shauna does not 'love her now'
I’m your sweetest parasite, you fill me up with pesticide
shauna still loves jackie. think thats clear somewhat. (=sweet) jackie basically nests herself in shaunas brain, wont let her go (=parasite). pesticide doesnt refer as much as like. 'go away fuck u parasite' but, U GUESSED IT, the words that jackie says. bc she doestn actually say them (bc shes dead); thats shaunas doing.
bleed me Baby, gemini, hurt me til you feel all right
she bleeds. she loves her. idk what else to do. she does tell her; twist: shauna still is very much not alright
and i won’t, no, i won’t
she wont
You got into my head and now i’ll never be the same
'parasite'; as we see the violent tendencies have carried on into the adult life. also I rlly like her look here I think it rlly captures the essence of what i was trying to say
My trigger finger twitches every time i hear your name
well she does look uneasy
And maybe I won’t, maybe I will
maybe
Run back to you
literally spends the rest of the song running back to her. BUT ITS NOT RLLY HER OMG
you can find the edit here
¹whole cited post
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dballzposting · 2 years
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How much do you think Trunks missed Goten during GT?
He was up there in space and he didnt want to be a downer so he never said it outloud but occasionally while he was steering the ship for long periods of time in complete solitude he would think about how if they failed then the earth and the whole universe would be fucked and before their imminent demise he would have to live with Goku and Pan on some planet somewhere, or die early trying to fight whatever beast was inevitably coming their way. And well that thought just sort of sucked.
He missed everybody and everything but he missed Goten specifically in the way that cool shit would happen and he had nobody to tell it to :( he couldnt just pull out his phone and be like "Hey Goten. Youre never gonna believe this. There was this frog guy and he tried to marry me. Yeah MARRY ME. Yeah I had to dress up as a bride but it was okay because it spared a real woman from an arranged marriage with that big green thing. Yeah it was righteous of me. Yeah and then we got a dragon ball and then this OTHER GUY SHOWED UP and STOLE IT. Yeah and now we're chasing those guys. Yeah uh huh. yeah I'll let them know you said that. Yeah for sure. Okay. Take care. Bye man."
Again he didnt want to be a downer but he really missed the little things about home .... all the room to walk around in .... the nice meals ..... the sound of his mother tinkering in one of the many garages .... the sound of his father fucking shit up in the gravity chamber ..... the peace of his office (which he normally hated).... his sister's stupid Nintendogs game that she always played at full volume .....the way that he could exist without being subjected to a gas leak all day..... The sound of Goten pissing really hard in the urinal next to him (with his pants on the floor ass fully bare) and he would piss so hard that it was to the point where Trunks would often take the next urinal down becasue he was afraid of splashback .... sighhhhh.
Anyway he makes a best friend out of Giru so it's not a big deal. He comes home and is like "Hey Goten meet my new best friend" and Goten is like "haha you mean like your SPACE Best Friend right? Like the guy who is your best friend when youre space traveling but not all the time right....Your spaceship buddy right" and Trunks is like "Nope. This is my new best friend Giru :D" and then he kisses the robot deeply and with passion on its glass face and Goten is flooded with a toxic amount of jealousy so fast that his muscles and bones begin to melt and he starts shaking and he goes "haha well gimme a minute i gotta go blast ass real quick...i'll be back..." and then he runs to the bathroom and pukes his guts out.
Later he assumes that it was all a misunderstanding so he goes to talk to Trunks again and he overhears him talking to the robot and Trunks says "Youre a much better best friend than Goten. You dont pee or spit at me and you never smell like dog food. You only smell like metal and burning wires and sometimes chrome polish, and I'm into it. And you're quiet when you sleep and you actually listen to me when I talk. Also, you've forgiven me for when I had space madness and I kept trying to breastfeed you. If that were Goten instead he never would have let me live it down. He would probably keep trying to get me to do it again honestly. And honestly Giru, I would do that again for you because I have fond memories. And I love that you eat the spare nuts and screws and wires that end up at the bottom of my bags and on my floors because I dont know what to do with them otherwise. You're a real friend Giru. I love you" and again Goten has to run and limp and fall down the hall to throw up in the Capsule Corp shitters.
and idk maybe they make up. Maybe Trunks is like “Im sorry Goten I was wrong. I miss you and all of your weird smells. I miss how your flesh is fleshy and notably not metallic and how it’s wet but sometimes it’s dry instead. And I miss how you would make me do fun things with you rather than let me work on machines all day. You know Giru really just sat on my desk and watched me file papers all of Thursday and I hated it. And I miss peeing at the urinal with you. Giru doesnt pee. GIRU DOESNT PEE ! I miss you man. I’m sorry”
um this isnt what you were asking about...
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imabee-oralizard · 8 months
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im just having a generally hard time
school sucks, im stressed and breaking out, my only irl friend is in a relationship and only wants to hang out with her boyfriend and i try to make friends but people think im too loud or too quiet or too much or too boring and i just dont know what to do anymore im tired of people and life and i just was to sleep and read and escape
i really just wish i could run away to prythian even with all the wars and shit they got going on bc im 1000% sure id fit in better there (especially in the night court)
ive tried talking to my mom but every time she just finds a way to tell me that if i were nicer id have more friends but i try and people always think i want something and then i just shut down
i seriously cant handle this anymore and in one more bad thing away for breaking completely and doing something i cant undo
im sorry to rant you can just ignore this if you want
No I’m never gonna ignore you especially when you need me
You’re important to me bee
Those people don’t deserve you if they don’t like you. And I know rn you might just want one friend but it isn’t good enough to change yourself. Idk if you’d do that but don’t
You’re amazing and needed
You’re come kinda sounds like an asshole but besides that is there another way for you to get a therapist? Maybe school councilor. Don’t be afraid to go talk to them.
I know school is hard and I know life sucks but just hold on. We’ll get through this together <3
I’m always here for you no matter what and I won’t leave you
I know we aren’t in person but I love every part of you that I have gotten to meet
You are one of the best people I have ever met on this app and I wouldn’t regret it for a second
I love you so so much/p
💜💜💜
I know we have different time zones and stuff but if you need to call me. You have my snap. Even if I don’t answer because whatever, I may not be at my phone. I will call you as soon as I’m able to. Even if you just want to rant to me that fine. I’ll be here for you. On your best and worst days. I’m not leaving you.
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delcakoo · 2 years
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HI EMSSS IM BACK, WE HAVE CLASSES AGAIN NO😭😭 ISTG I HATE WEEKENDS CAUSE LITERALLY ITS NOT ENOUGH AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW IT, YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP AND GO TO SCHOOL. so pissed on why weekends is only a few days. but anyway I badly wanted to request a jungwon!fem scenario where in jungwon notices yn third wheeling to her trio friendship almost everyday and like he notices how distant they are to yn and how they don't include her that much, and that jungwon knows yn is enduring it and not asking help because she's afraid of problems happening because of her and losing the ONLY friends she has. IDK IF THAT MADE SENSE BUT I HOPE IT DID. I put too much details sorry, I have no idea if you reqs are still open so if it isn't that's okay too bb. <33
anyway, so far no ones ruining my day. OH WAIT EMS HOW DO U DROP A FRIEND? LITERALLY I HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM FOR MORE THAN A YEAR. I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO KICK A "FRIEND" OUT OF MY LIFE. they said if they really want to talk to you they would, BUT THAT IS JUST COMPLETE BS CAUSE LITERALLY THEIR EXCUSE IS: "Oh we don't have to talk, our friendship is too healthy. so even after a few months and we talk like nothing happened then we're okay!🥰" literally, and guess what. I'm in a trio. haha it's pretty obvious that the request i made is about me hahaha😔😔
-m💙
HI MOOONIEEE BRUH IKR. SUNDAYS ARE FR THE WORST MANNN, WE CSN DO IT THO!! IM SORRY TO BE USELESS BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DROP A FRIEND EITHER.. ESP AT SCHOOL LIKE UR ALWAYS GONNA SEE THEM ITS VV HARD 😭
BUT BUT OOOOO, OMG OK HEAR ME OUT MY BRAIN HAS THOUGHT OF THIS ON THE SPOT.
JUNGWON AS LIKE A SUPER SOUGHT AFTER JOCK THAT EVERYONE SWOONS OVER BUT HE’S VERY STRICT WITH WHO HES FRIENDS WITH AND ALWAYS JUST POLITELY TURNS PPL DOWN AND AWKWARDLY RUNS OFF AT EVERY CONFESSION. but then one day he begins to notice you around school and how badly you’re third wheeling your two friends (i assume ur friends r dating or smthn?) EITHER WAY LIKE YEAH HE NOTICES HOW THEY’RE KINDA LEAVING YOU OUT (bro doesnt even know your name yet but he feels so bad for you).
so then one day he suddenly goes up to you at your locker and just. “hey, wanna be my girlfriend?” AND YOU JUST CHOKENEJNDKJ THEN HE CHOKES TOO AND HES LIKE. “that came out rlly wrong- okay i meant do you want to fake date to get back at your friends and give them a taste of their own medicine cuz like- it looked like you needed help and stuff but like u totalyl dont have to i sound rlly stupid rn but-”
SO YOURE JUST LIKE. WHO TF R U. okay but this is a great idea and you’re hot as fuck so lets do it THEN THE NEXT DAY UR FRIENDS SEES U TWO TOGTHER AND JUST 😁😃😯😧😱😱😱😱😱 AND SO U KEEP UP THIS FAKE DATING ACT BEING RLLY MUSHY WITH JUNGWON STRAIGHT UP SMOOCHING AND CUDDLING IN FRONT OF THEM but then you slowly begin to realise that YOURE ACTUALLY FALLING FOR HIM AND YOU’RE LIKE fuck this cold mysterious sport boy would never like me back wtf but LITTle do you know jungwons heart is going boom boom TOO and is quietly mourning abiut the fact that the only time he’s allowed to kiss you is in front of THOSE TWO ASSHOLES. ANDHFJFN EVENTUALLY UR FRIEND NOTICES SMTHNS UP AND ASKS WTF IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND YOU JUST BREAK AND TELL HER EVERYHTING AND SO SHE HELPS U COnfesS TO JUNGWON FOR REAL THIS TIME AND THEN HAPPILY EVER AFTR WOOOOOO
i. i jsut came up with all of that on the spot LMFOAOO THATS WHY ITS SO BAD IM SORRYRHFH but i promise moonie if i have time i’ll write this for real JSHDJDN THANK U FOR THE REQ 😭💗💗 💘💜💘
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poisonouswritings · 2 years
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im sorry i have to say this i dont want to offend but ur mom is so fucked up. every time i see a post youve made or tags youve written on another post and it starts out like "one time my mom" i prepare myself to hear the most buckwild shit imaginable. i hope ur ok
No you're fine!! Don't worry about being offensive lol.
My mom has been going to therapy so she is kinda working on some of her issues but she's still an utter shit show
Little bit of a rant under the cut, tw for mentions of abuse/slurs/assault/self-harm/etc. All pretty vague but better safe than sorry.
And, thank you for being concerned. It means a lot.
My mom is incredibly emotionally abusive (she would be physically abusive if she could be but she has carpal tunnel in both wrists and is also half a foot shorter than me so the few times she's tried it didn't really do anything). I know that. Took me a while to realize it. I remember there was this one time - I was 14 or so - and she was screaming in my face and I was just zoned out wishing that she would just beat me to a fucking pulp so I could have physical evidence of how she hurt me. So that there would be no 'oh she didn't mean it' or 'maybe I misunderstood, I should stop being so sensitive' or whatever. I craved confirmation of my pain. That's how I finally accepted it was abuse.
Admittedly she had a fucked up background (was abused as a child and had an abusive relationship) and it severely messed her up. Being raised in a strict Hispanic Catholic household where the elders were always right, anything going against God was horrible, and you were constantly criticized for the way you looked and acted, none of that helped either. First time I met my great aunt (the one who raised my mom) she told me I was disgustingly fat and should starve myself so boys would want me. So I see where my mom got it from. I think that's why I lost it so hard at Turning Red.
Things didn't used to be this bad. When I was younger my mom and I were really close, y'know? But then I hit middle school and started forming my own opinions that differed from hers (and started showing more clear signs of nuerodivergence) and shit hit the fan. It's one of those things where 80% of the time we get along fine but then the other 20% she's basically calling me a dyke-slut-whore-retard etc etc. Don't remember if I mentioned this or not but I'll throw it here again anyways, she refused to let me go to therapy when I was in middle school (when I was suicidal) because she 'didnt want to be the mother of the crazy kid'. When I was in highschool and was self-harming she screamed at me because 'what if the boys see it then they'll never want to date [me]' and then bought me a cardigan so I could cover the marks. She refused to acknowledge I was autistic until I could use it on my college applications. She always makes sure she's the biggest victim in the room. Constantly talks about/threatens suicide when I call her out on her shit. Dumps all of her emotional problems onto me. I was fucking six or seven when she told me about my dad's affair, and she's just continued sharing every little thing with me ever since. I make jokes about it but honestly,,, if she wasn't a Catholic who believes suicide = Hell, I'd be afraid she would kill me in a murder-suicide thing. I've had friends who have met her irl tell me that if I ever suddenly disappear they're just gonna assume she was involved somehow. So. Idk. There's a lot more shit she does that I haven't talked about yet because it hasn't come up, but yeah it's always the weirdest shit.
Oh I am definitely not okay. I have a pathetically low self-esteem and need constant validation or else I assume everyone hates me because that's how I grew up. I really wanna talk about myself and my oc work but I get anxious that everyone will hate it and think it's dumb and insult me for it because that's how it was growing up. I call myself an idiot because that's what I was always called growing up. I will put up with massive amounts of abuse/manipulation because that's how it always was growing up. Any time someone compliments me my initial reaction is to assume it's a sarcastic insult because that's how it's always been growing up. I've had people tell me that sometimes they feel shitty about their home life but then they look at my mom and remember how great they have it, so at least my trauma serves some greater purpose.
I try my best to remain positive and laugh about things, and that helps somewhat. My Life Is A Fucking Soap Opera And I Will Liveblog That Shit. I probably should get into therapy but since I'm not even allowed to talk on the phone without my mom listening at my door, that probably won't happen anytime soon.
Idk guys. If you have a decent parent then go give them a hug. And if you don't, then, rip to us.
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meet-at-tycho · 27 days
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OKAY MORE I CANT HELP IT...
you better believe i show them off, too. like no ones business im always LOOK. AT WHAT MY FRIEND DID... look, im so proud of them 😽😽 i really am like WOW!!! idk im enamored anything they do is the best thing in the world to me. whats that about rose tinted glasses? thats how it is SORRYYYY cant help it you are perfect to me and i love you like. IM ENTHRALLLED theres a lot of words i could use to describe how i feel about them. hooked is a good one, absolutely CAPTIVATED, hook line and sinker baby im in heaven 🥳 im still coping cuz im still lonely but. if i flood my mind with the thought of them, itll be enough to get my thru til they come back :]
dude i remember last halloween? best halloween ever okay I . i mightve been dying of sleep deprivation but i got correctly gendered the entire fucking day AND. i had my bestie in my phone, idc if i looked rude or anything talking to her the whole fcking day? i feel so. LOST when im without them, so knowing i had her with me the entire time like. I REALLY HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME.. i wish i could relive that day over and over again, but i still have more days to experience!!! shes so creative and brilliant and fucking UNHINGED like a little rat crawling thru the walls WHATS WRONG WITH HER.... idk but i love it :] she absolutely is carrying like. prehistoric diseases i dont know how and i dont know when shes gonna dispatch them but im afraid
or like? my birthday was a good example. neither of them knew it was cuz i dont like to tell people but.. we spent the day together and it . i was genuinely so happy, its the first birthday i havent ended up crying on. like YEAH yr right you WERE the gift!!!!!!! you genuinely were im. KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING
i spend the so much time with him, SIR. the man that you are im. only incomprehensible growling and barking comes to mind when i think of you BUT it translates to: YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!!! no hes so silly for real i genuinely cant get enough of him. i remember. even the very first time we vced like just us, it wasnt even really awkward at all!!!! felt a little unsure but I HAD SO MUCH FUN.. our chemistry.. mr whiter..... really though its. or that time we spent like 12 hours in call together. i used to feel so sad when calls ended, sad enough that id just start avoiding them cuz i didnt really know when it would happen again, SO? thats like A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.... we spent a whole day together and it went GOOD it was so .. perfect. such a big deal to me cuz like. i dont leave my house, i dont SOCIALIZE REALLY.. so to go for so long without even getting tired?? its genuinely a really big step for me. HE DID THAT...
but.. dont just love them for how they make me feel. i love everything about them. when shit gets hard i wanna try my best to be there cuz ive had people give up on me and it fucking sucked, i wont ever give up on you. they really are so special to me like. the best people ive ever met in my entire life and i MEAN that. you are so worth it, anything at all. ill be here!!! i wont ever leave you behind, how could i ever do that? my love doesnt come from what they do for me, it comes from THEM directly. their personalities, their hobbies, interests. glasses get rosier, theres nowhere id rather be! it feels so good to just.. idk. i like being here, i feel stable and comfortable and its all thanks to them
MAN dont talk to me ever. never speak to me!!! lot of feelings okay but. listenn..... ive got two eyes, one for each apple. EASY. lovemaxxing or whatever
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momiamtired · 1 month
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i tremble and panic when remembering what my life will be. im scared and lonely and i dont want anything else, just to see my family and home. for some reason i feel like in mt first days here, and even then it wasnt that bad. im afraid of the idea that i have to get used to this. i don t find living in the apartments and going to work that scary but still just understanding of how life plays with me makes me feel misserable. oh how i wish i never looked up this university in google, when i was lying in my warm bed at the winter, excited, because i found western university that will bring me to my dreams and actually is afordable for my family. i feel so stupid and im so sorry dad i am you spend so much money on me and im not even grateful. this fucker oh fuck he asks if 2 pm is okay for me. i dont think any pm is okay for me. i think tomorrow will be horrible. i dont think he thinks of me in a romantic way, he has some chicks name in his user name sticker. i fucking hate him. but i wish he could comfort me. he probably doesnt care in the slightest ab me. for some reason i kinda feel like omori? is this a strange reference idk. well omori song just started playing so i thought of it. i feel like i dont really should be in this world. i want to come back to what it used to be. i guess a lot of people think about the same things but uh yeah. i guess tomorrows gonna be awful. i really dont want to see him espercially this early but i have to get out of the house, it will fucking eat me alive. i must have studied a lot today but ima lazy ass and cryed all day. i hate that the idea of crying is so normalized today. its like oooh i cried because of this dead pigeon!! wtf no i believe tears are not for this. people cry when they experience strong emotions. my other roommate is singing songs in the shower god i hate her. its 9 pm btw. she screams like a pig. sometimes she is nice and i truly believe she is a nice person. i still hate her and would like to see her dead. but no right now. im not that angry right now. when i think of my mom i start to cry. i miss her so much. it was always like this when i was a kid, i would always cry when i was at sleepovers. i dont know why, its a strange feeling. it is reallt strange. when im okay i dont even want to talk to her, its like i dont have a lot of stimuli to do so? but when i feel bad the only oerson i want to call is her. i guess shes the only one who i believe would reallt care. not even my best friend who i would always call the best person in my life. im just a bad person. when she tells me that something happened to her im always kinda happy it happened. its not always like this but sometimes i feel like oh lol ye u deserved it bc there is enough good in ur life. im just an awful always jelous person. i guess world would be a better place without people like me. people like me are the people who shoot schools. i would be happier if it uh fuck again its like when u remembering something like just spontaneus and u immediately start to cry and tremble and like idk feel bad? i feel so so so homesick. i didnt feel that homesick at the start and here i am after 3 months here. i really love my parents and actually my home i am so sorry that i never told anyone this or idk oh god im so so sorry i never respected never understood. i guess its just that im homesick and my home isnt that good but tbh i cant of a thing better rn than my home. fuck any other place. fuck heaven. i just wish i could my cat and my mom sitting and talking loud at 7 am when the sun is rising with her mom and she will make me awake and i will go and ask her to be quiet really angryshly and she will go to her room and i will try to sleep again but now i cant so i smoke my vape and browse through tiktok, lying in underwear and some t shirt, then my cat will come to me and start meowing for me to play with him, i will annoignly play alittle bit with him and then proceed to do my every day morning chores. but summer in my country when u have friends is amazing. i mean my city. okay i will end now to mush words
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spicycowboyhole · 4 months
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taking a shower tomorrow
i didnt get much for christmas this year tbh
im kinda jealouse cuz my siblings got really expensive shit and i got like pretty much just stocking stuffers lol. i guess if i really want something i need to get it myself huh
anyway,, he texts me constantly but also calls me everyday. hes so nice to me it makes me cry. H is nice to me too. when i think about how nice these internet strangers are to me it makes me sad because i feel like im not allowed to be myself and im not accepted at home. im so afraid to be myself here and i dont feel like i fit in but when i talk to the little people in my phone?? they make me feel things? like im not crazy or weird OH MY GOD istg i cry almost everytime i talk to him cuz hes soso nice to me
idk what it is or what i wanna say exactly i kinda just wanna figure out how to word this so ik how to tell my couonselor.
what happened recently was i went to walmart with my dad and like i didnt take a shower or anything cuz we were just going to applebees and walmart and i dont even like applebees so who cares if my hair is fucked up right but when we went to walmart my dad was like you need a makeover cuz ur hair is bad and i kinda took offense honestly cuz i dont like my dad making comments about my appearence like this one time he told me i "need to work on my glamour" like wtf so i told my mom what he said to me at walmart and she AGREED WITH HIM AND SCHEDULED A DAY TO TAKE ME TO THE MALL TO BUY CLOTHES. and then so we went like on firday before christmas and it just kinda made me feel like a child and also like i was neglected when i was an actual child cuz idk i have like a lot of self image issues and i just wear whatever makes me not hate how i look and rn thats big skirt and little shirt but my mom wants me to wear jeans and regular shirt and i just think i look so bad in it. like she wanted me to get 5 outfits at the mall and i was like "so we're just gonna buy 5 pairs of the ssame pants? what if i dont even wear them?" and she said "YOU HAVE TO" so after that i felt kinda belittled? basically like i had no power or say in what im allowed to wear like A KID. BUT when i was an actual kid i would litterally go to school and my shoes would fall apart and i used the same ugly backpack from like 6th til highschool. like i dont understand why my parents suddenly care about how i look? now that im an adult? theyr ebasically saying they dont like how i dress and that upsets me because i feel like im finally able to learn how to express myself with how i dress now that im not inschool and scared of how people might percieve me and theyre judging not just how i look but also me yk
i NEVER got compliments when i was younger. i mean definatelelty not as much as i do now that im not as afraid of being myself. i mean people compliment me on my hair, my outfits, my glasses, my voice.
IM SMART, IM FUNNY, IM SILLY, IM WITTY, IM CUTE, IM PRETTY
IM GOOD
my hwole life everyone would describe me as quiet, shy. i thought i was weird, abnormal, i thought everything i liked was stupid.
i think i just need to get out of here.
its so hard to not hate myself when everyone around me sucks.
again, self image issues, insecurity, shame. when i was younger i used to hide pictures of myself cuz i just thought i looked so ugly and i still do. i'll look at those old pictures and think why would my parents let me go out in public like that? like ive always thought i was only cute as a toddler and then went downhill after that lol. but anyway im working on that by saving pics of myself when i was younger cuz thats me!! and if i were my parent i wouldve been a way better parent than my actual ones. she deserves everything she wants.
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soupyboiiiii · 5 months
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0, 2, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 16, 19, 22, 26, 29, 36, 44!!! for the ask game!!
-links
so basically all of them lol,
0: Height. 170 something centimetres. im actually not 100% sure.
2: Shoe size. US womens 7
6: Age you get mistaken for. like somewhere between 18 and 20. and people at resturants always try to serve me alcohol and then im like "hey buddy im a child" and theyre like "WHAT". one time someone thought me and my mum were sisters and im like no dude shes like 40 something and im her teenage daughter, we r not the same.
8: Want any tattoos? hell yeah (dont tell my parents or irl friends who are on here lol) one day i will get a bunch of tattoos and dissapoint my mother. possibly. (<- is deathly afraid of needles) (<- has never tried getting a tattoo but probably will not be able to sit still long enough while getting tattooed without throwing up) (we shall see tho cause needles in different settings are different levels of scary, sewing is fine and as you will see i have multiple piercings). Anyway, I want angel wings on my back i think that'd be pretty epic - and like a proper biblically accurate angel with 6 of them, and obviously i want the triforce on my hand, i want a six leaf clover somewhere, and "art is the weapon"(cause i think the statement is cool and meaningful not just cause mcr said it, although danger days is one of my favourite albums of all time), and a goldfish, and probably a venus flytrap, and a bunch of other random stuff. probably the lyric that's in the bio of this blog. but not tooooo many i dont want them all over, they need space to breathe and not look all squished up (<- studies art and appreciates the importance of composition and framing).
9: Got any piercings? I have a few. (<- guy who has 7 holes stabbed in his ears) (although the regular lobe piercings should really be counted in pairs as one piercing each) (which would make 5) only on my ears tho. I've got normal ear lobe piercings, and then second ear lobe piercings and ive got 2 helix piercings on one side and 1 on the other.
10: Want any piercings? Yes ehe. i will get more (: One day im gonna get an eyebrow piercing, and possibly a lip piercing. but right now my father will not let me ):
11: Best friend? this is a rlly hard question i have like 3 best friends. I dont really do one individual person bff i just have a few close friends
16: I’ll love you if… you talk to me about any of my interests
19: A fact about your personality. I talk a looooott
22: What I want to be when I get older. aaaaa i never know. (<- is very much in their "what will i do with my life" existential crisis era) I wanna do art but idk how to get a job in that and i really hate graphic design. id like to be a botanist plant science is cool. tbh i wanna like run a random really niche shop that sells something I like. or i wanna be in a band or actually get paid to just do my art, but that doesnt count as real career aspirations.
26: My biggest pet peeves. when people leave powerpoints switched on when theres nothing plugged in.
29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend. really boring but i lied to my friend about who i do/dont actually have a crush on. no one will ever know (except the one friend who does know)
44: A random fact about anything. Fancy goldfish have an average lifespan of 10-15 years, which is actually longer than a domestic cat.
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angelcupid · 3 years
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this is a very sg centric thing but I'm so tired of ppl saying that chinese privilege is not a thing when it very much is
#friends#no offense#for context sg is 70% chinese#a few weeks ago we had to discuss abt why inequality/equality matters to us in one of my classes#i always nod at ppl's answers bc im too nervous to reply lol but then when this girl said she doesnt think chinese privilege doesnt exist#i immediately stopped nodding 😐 . anyway i didnt wanna say anything bc im pathologically conflict averse but then she literally turned to#me the only non chinese person and asked me for my thoughts 😶 so i laughed bc wtf lol#and i told her that her point abt chinese ppl being blind to the concerns of the minority is literally the definition of c.p.#like why are we so afraid to say we are privileged why is it such a dirty word oh wait i know why#its so that the privileged can continue their racism/elitism/whatever without feeling threatened#like how can you a privileged person say that you dont have privilege? as someone living comfortably in a rich country i do have#economic privilege...and as a cis person too. as an able bodied person. like whats not clicking#anyway ppl who think c.p. isnt real havent gone through racism or colourism .#my slightly tanned exclaiming how black they turned when im right next to them a whole 10 shades darker#that girl really pissed me off tbh she was so irritating idk why i put up with her#once i stayed back to keep her company while she did work and we were talking abt attractiveness or wtv and she just told me#out of the blue that she doesnt find me attractive no offence 😐 girl im not trying to date you i dont give a shit#but why would you say that to YOUR FRIEND?? girl i dont think you're pretty either but im not gonna say that to you??????#god and she talked abt how her chindian friend hates her indian side and her indian name and that she would never date an indian guy#and then this girl a full chinese said shes not attracted to indians 😐 ok...? and you're telling me a full indian this because...???#like its not the fact that she doesnt find me attractive bc i literally couldnt give a shit i know im pretty i dont need her validation#but its the fact that i was trying my best to be a good friend but here she was insulting me#she was so toxic god bless but anyway i do not trust chinese ppl who studied in sap schs their whole lives#but then my primary sch indian friends on the other hand were so colourist so what the fuck lol :)#thankfully my family stopped talking abt my skin colour bc the next time someone comments i'm gonna bitch back#i'm gonna write a whole essay on colourism and racism one day and publish it#diana.mp3
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man i don't wanna justify hating my mother for the rest of my life
(don't reblog)
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dirt-grub · 4 years
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Oh nightmares? But like. Huh. Not so bad? I guess? Could be worse?
#another day another dream about old abuser but like#in this one it wasnt like graphic#and she got caught. and in trouble and thats never happened in one of my dreams#it was at a sleepover when it happened this time and like her mother found out and protected me as i got my shit to leave#and her brother walked me home and my parents actually believed me#everyone was on my side it was bizarre#it just upsetting how deep this trauma runs#itll never get out of my head#i knew this person from birth and we live next to each other still#i cant even remember all the stuff she did or if it was that bad but it has to have been#but like even still im afraid its all in my head bc she didnt openly admit she was being predatory#thats what my dreams are most of the time like those abusive situations that are borderline and confusing like is this happening#but then she admits it and gets scary and threatens me if i ever tell anyone which never happened irl dhe just manipulated me into thinking#its no big deal and im making everything up#but yeah i was in her attic and that stuff started to happen and i said id yell if it continued#and she was like you wont and you better not and i kicked her down the stairs and screamed#which. how different would my life be if i really had done that#like there were so many instances where i promised myself if she does that again im gonna turn around and sock her one#and i never did the only time i fought back wad when she choked me and then i was the one who got in trouble for real#idk i dont feel awful but i dont feel great and thats not a good way to start a day#i just want it out of my head but thats never gonna happen#like i hate it this person is just ingrained in me forever not even from the abuse but from the years and years we were kids together#its awful like i can not think about her in my waking life for months at a time and she still comes for me in my dreams#i guess thats trauma but like fuck#its not always bad sometimes i just see her face somewhere and wake up#it sucks#idk ill be okay#connor vents
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gb-patch · 3 years
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Ask Answers: August 8th
Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.
But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.
Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get  the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?
I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.
Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice? 
You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.
hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other. 
It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.
Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)
Both type of options will be available!
Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D 
It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.
Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC? 
If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.
Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round? 
She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.
Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment? 
Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.
Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?
It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.
Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+
ps i love your games so much <3
It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!
Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u 
You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and  buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.
Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him 
Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.
Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4? 
They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.
I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though- 
Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.
How does Cove feel about poly relationships? 
He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.
Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove? 
Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.
In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends? 
Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.
I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^  Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love. 
It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.
Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :] 
Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.
It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!
Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.
hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end... 
Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.
wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck 
You can check out the FAQ linked above!
does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him? 
Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.
Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?
No, they just don’t have enough time together.
We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.
Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?
No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.
I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀
Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.
So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name
It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.
will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!! 
Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.
I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game? 
I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.
I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance? 
Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.
Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games! 
The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.
Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3 
There is a set timeline!
Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021 
And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.
i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it! 
Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.
Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game? 
We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.
how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running? 
Hopefully for at least a few more years.
Are you considering ever making merch? 
Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.
hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS? 
I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!
Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower. 
That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.
Hi, how are you?!
Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??
Thanks!!
Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!
perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥) 
He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.
i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1 
I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.
In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing) 
Yep, you will be able to talk about that!
Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!
If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.
Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.
That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.
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