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aminiatureworld · 3 years

Text

Steadfast

Characters: Childe, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,241

Warnings: Swearing, Angst

Premise: He’d always assured you that he wouldn’t change, that he was still the man he was before. And yet how different things were, and how much it hurt to see what had come to pass.

In which the reader sees the changes in Childe

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for this request anon! Really from the bottom of my heart thank you. I really liked the concept of this prompt, I feel like it really gave me an opportunity to focus on how relationships change and grow, rather than always writing about new couples, or people just beginning to fall in love, although there is of course that involved. It’s interesting to see how people grow and change, even if it can be a little sad sometimes. Writing this was kind of depressing, I hope that this wasn’t too sad, considering you requested hurt comfort. I might’ve gotten a bit carried away…

Funny story, I actually hate one of the people Childe shares a name with. Look what you did to Cassandra Ajax the Lesser, look what you did… So to make up for this unfortunate coincidence I pronounce the names differently in my mind. Ajax the Lesser is pronounce “A-jack-s” and Childe’s name is pronounced “Ai-axe”.

I decided not to bullet point this, as I feel like it works better in a more “traditional format”, that being said if bullet points are easier to read I can go back and fix that.

When you’d first fallen in love with Ajax it had been before the change.

Back then everything with him had seemed so exciting, like stepping into the sea for the first time. You were a bit afraid, worried that you might be swept away all at once, but another part of you wanted to run straight ahead, to immerse yourself in this new and exciting experience. Wanted to keep going and never look back.

You’d known Ajax since before you could remember. The two of you had grown up in the same small village, where one could hardly take five steps without bumping into someone, and being close in age had made you automatic playmates. Ajax was a brash child, not always easy to get along with, but impossible to pull away from. Even when he knocked you to the ground, or sat on you so you couldn’t move, declaring himself the winner of whatever you’d been playing, you’d still run to meet him the next day, the tears you’d shed utterly forgotten. Childhood friends might’ve been a cliché, but it was truly then that Ajax as a person had begun to stick in your mind.

This only continued throughout the course of your adolescence. Attending the same schools you two were nearly inseparable, causing you merciless teasing from the rest of your classmates. Ajax apparently got the same treatment, resulting in him decking a kid who declared you two were going to get married when you grew up. He’d been suspended for a few days, but never seemed to regret it, and when you’d gone over to his house to ask about it he’d grinned as usual, proclaiming he’d gladly do it again.

Growing up was a difficult process, so many snags and pitfalls, new anxieties, and old ones that you’d never truly worried about before. But it was all perfectly fine with Ajax there. He was always ready to pick you up, and flash you a smile to go along with his help. No wonder you found yourself hopelessly infatuated him, years of trust and affection building up to the newfound feeling of love.

And then Ajax went missing.

You still remembered the terror that shocked your system when his mother visited, tone unnervingly light, asking if you and Ajax weren’t playing some type of game. You’d bolted outside when she’d revealed Ajax had gone missing, running towards the woods that was the only exit to the village where you lived. The adults had quickly caught up to you, but your fears had already grabbed hold, and you found yourself confronted with all you felt for him. You loved Ajax. How did this happen? Love was still so foreign, a word you could throw around but never truly catch. And yet you loved him, you loved him very much. And now he was gone.

They didn’t let you see him initially, saying he was tired, he needed rest, he’d be alright in a few days. Your imagination had run wild, your mind spinning a terrible story. Perhaps he’d been mortally wounded, perhaps he could no longer see, made blind from the snow and the cold. Perhaps he wasn’t really back, and they were simply lying to make you happy. These thoughts chased you, and it was only when you saw him again that your heart settled, even if a part of you whispered that Ajax was altogether changed.

He’d begun to leave the village. Though no one quite knew where he was you certainly knew a lot of brawling was involved. He’d sometimes sneak into your house, in a last ditch effort to keep his parents and the rest of his family from finding out how much he’d truly changed. You’d cried sometimes, seeing him with black eyes and bruising, slashes of red marring his hands, his arms, his face. He didn’t like to see you cry, would start scolding you, as if it was some fault of yours to feel worried, to care for someone who already was growing into a stranger. He always realized his fault though, and after a little while he’d pat the spot next to him. You’d sit down, head sometimes on his shoulder, listening as he spun his tales of greatness into the night, as if he were a knight fighting a great dragon and its army, rather than a troubled new adult with nowhere to turn to in terms of understanding.

When he’d ask you to be his partner you thought you’d never feel unhappy again. You felt like you were on air, kept grounded only by his arms around you, his heart beating steadily against your ear as you nestled against his chest. You could tell he was happy too, and though it amazed you slightly that he should be as in love with you as you were with him, you could only thank the Tsaritsa and every other archon under the stars, thank them for being so generous as to give you all you ever wanted.

It seemed such a funny thought in retrospect, when it was the Tsaritsa herself who was now tearing him away from you.

“Ajax, how could you?!” Your voice felt odd to your ears, somehow too thin, distant, as if someone else was saying it. “You knew, you knew that you’d have to join the Fatui. So why, why in the name of the Seven did you start that fight!”

“They were asking for it!” Ajax’s voice was just as raw, frustration mixed with something unknown. Entitlement perhaps, fear otherwise. “You should’ve heard the things they said about me, about my family. How they’d raised a good for nothing thief, a shithead who knew nothing more than how to swing a sword, and who would one day meet someone bigger than him, and die in the street, given to the rats, utterly forgotten. I had to prove them wrong! It was a matter of honor!”

“It was a matter of ego!” You cried, feeling the ground spin slightly underneath you. “How could you let them goad you like that Ajax, goad you when you knew exactly what was going to happen.” Sitting down you put your head in your hands. The world was shattering around you, and there was no one to blame for it except the one you loved the most.

“My darling, please, I don’t want to fight.” Ajax knelt down in front of you, taking your hands in his as you raised your head to face him.

“You always want to fight…” you replied, voice hoarse, pitched barely above a whisper. “And now you’re leaving, leaving to be part of an organization of cowardliness and deceit. What happened to the adventures you were going to have? What happened to the dragons you were going to slay?”

“I’ll get them yet.” There was amusement in Ajax’s voice, but it was clearly forced, and soon forgotten about. “I promise it’ll be alright, my darling I would never do anything to knowingly hurt you.”

And yet you have, you thought. You’ve run a dagger through my heart, and now your talking to me as if I’m not being destroyed by it. It hurts, it hurts so damn much.

“You’re going away.” You finally replied. “You’re going away to a place that will only destroy you more. And now things will never be the same again. Haven’t you wondered about what will happen to you there? If you’ll ever be allowed to return home? Haven’t you wondered whether or not you’ll ever see your family again? Things will never be the same again Ajax, never. You’ve crossed the chasm, and now you cannot return.”

“Don’t talk like that.” Ajax placed a hand on your cheek. “I promise nothing will change. I will always be myself my darling. This is only a stepping stone, a piece of my journey. I promise, I promise I will always remain as I am. And I’ll never forget about you, nor my family, nor this village. Nothing is going to change. I’ll make sure it won’t. So stop crying my darling; tears never looked good on you anyways.”

And yet, how things have already changed. Still, you said nothing, instead wiping your eyes and pressing your forehead against Ajax’s. His familiar presence was reassuring, and you thought of the years ahead of you, perhaps the eternity ahead of you, when you could no longer rely on him being there. Your eyes welled with tears again, and this time you made no move to stop them. You let yourself cry. If there was anything in the world worth crying about, surely this was one of those things.

There was a new name signed in Ajax’s letters. “Childe” was the first name, “Tartaglia” was the second. They seemed to mar the page somewhat, written in Ajax’s – no, Childe’s – bold, slashing script. You hated the names, hated the memories they stirred up, reminders of all you’d lost in such a small amount of time.

The day you’d found out Childe was to become a Harbinger you’d raged as you’d never raged before. Locking yourself in the small apartment you’d managed to find – having moved out of Morepesok once the memories had become too oppressive – you’d spent most of your time reading the letter over and over and over.

He’d wanted you to attended, writing you were basically his family at this point, and besides, he wanted to show you to the Tsaritsa. Though the line about family filled your heart with no little affection, you’d refused flat out. It would’ve been too painful, seeing the crux of his transformation; the death of Ajax, the birth of Tartaglia. Childe had said nothing to your refusal, but he was clearly worried, and for a while afterwards the letters were more frequent. But even that stopped after a while, and now you savored what little information you could get, the torn pages of last month’s note a testimony to how much you reread them.

You wished that you could somehow end this purgatory you’d found yourself in. Though you’d begun your own career by now, pushing yourself to your limits as you were sure Childe was doing in his, nothing seemed so important as the drama that had comprised your entire life. How long had you known Childe? You could no longer remember. Long ago, so very long ago. Back when the world was simpler, comprised only of candy from one of the big cities, and fighting over the best fishing rod. Tears were shed over particularly brutal games of tag, then forgotten the next day. How odd that world seemed now, something you could never go back to.

Every once in a while you’d be met not by a letter, but by a visit. Those were the best days. The days where you could set all your worries and your unease away. When you could once more press your ear against Childe’s chest and feel the steady beating of his heart. As long as you could do that, maybe it’d be alright.

“How’s my darling?” Childe’s voice carried down the hall of your apartment. You’d dropped the letter you’d been reading, his letter, and ran towards the entrance. Throwing yourself in his arms you wept tears of joy. Childe returned the embrace just as enthusiastically, though his eyes were dry. They’d changed, his eyes, or perhaps you’d just learned to notice the hardness that resided in them. “I’m home.” Childe murmured, eyes closed, expression one of perfect bliss. “Don’t worry beloved, I’m home.”

His presence never left yours the days he came to visit. Always there was an arm slung around your waist, or a chin resting on your shoulder or your head. His presence was as comforting as ever, and you soaked it in gladly. He’d changed. Not that you were surprised by that, of course he’d changed. His confidence was much more calculated, his words now slicked with flattery and deceit. He easily persuaded the fishmonger to give you a discount, and some sweet talk with the waiter at a café you frequented earned you a free lemon loaf. You took it, knowing that he just wanted to treat you, but the sugary confection stuck to the roof of your mouth, which had somehow developed a bitter taste.

You said nothing about it. There was no longer any point in arguing. You two were tied together by all sorts of strings. History, location, youth, love. And yet you’d gone your own separate ways. No more were the dreams of adventuring together. The real world had come along and stolen it away. The Tsaritsa had ripped that future from your grasp, and with it went your happiness.

“Are you happy, my love?” Childe asked late one evening. You were cuddled on the small couch in what comprised your living room. You nestled against Childe, breathing him in. Were you happy? No. But in that moment you weren’t unhappy either. In that moment you could forget it all.

“Do you think that sailors feel lonely?” You asked instead, drawing circles absentmindedly on the palms of Childe’s hands. He wore gloves now, expensive ones, not like the mittens that were popular in Snezhnaya. It was so odd to watch him put them on each morning. How things had changed. “They must be lonely,” you continued now, “for there’s nothing but the ship, the water, and the stars above.”

Childe paused, staring off into the distance. He did that a lot recently. You didn’t begrudge him it. Sometimes, when he was in a frank sort of mood, he admitted that he didn’t like the Fatui’s underhanded nature. Better to fight something head on than attack from the shadows. He’d quickly added on that it was the Tsaritsa’s wish, and surely she must know better than him. But it must’ve been difficult, following a path so different than the one you were born to. Betraying your nature, every day of your life.

“It must be lonely sometimes.” He finally replied, glancing back at you. “But I don’t think they’re lonely, no. The stars may be far away, but they’re steadfast, unchanging. And sailors will always be able to rely on them.” You were silent, considering his views.

“Still... stars are so very cold.”

“Perhaps, but they’re also beautiful, are they not? And like I said, who ever heard of a star changing?” A pause, as it seemed Childe was steadying himself, dipping into unpleasant territory. “I hope I will always be your star, my love. I hope you will always be able to rely on me.”

“I will.” You promised, giving Childe a quick kiss. You meant it, even if you weren’t sure that the metaphor was apt. Childe was forever changing; his mannerisms, his name, his location, his words. Sometimes it seemed as if there was nothing left of Ajax, nothing but a small sliver of light, shivering in the darkness that was fate.

“And I will always remained steadfast in my love for you.” Childe promised in return. “For there is nothing more important to me than family, and you are my family. You are that which I hold closest to my heart, and I’ll never stop loving you. I promise.”

His words were smoother than they had been before, polished by the need to be appealing to those who heard it. But you knew they were true. All throughout your life, throughout the pain, the hardship, the feeling of slowly falling off a cliff, all throughout that the one thing that remained was the love between you and Childe. Even if you had nothing, at least you had that.

“Childe?” He grimaced at the word and you paused. “Ajax,” you began again, “are you happy?”

Childe didn’t reply, instead leaning over to kiss you. You reciprocated it gladly, not truly wanting an answer to your question, although a part of you desperately needed it. Was Childe happy? You couldn’t tell. But despite your newfound hatred for the Tsaritsa, your disdain for the gods which had grown in the years of your hardship, your long abandoned faith, you still prayed to the Seven that Childe was happy. Because he deserved it. Because you loved him.

You tried not to cry when he left, wanting to see him off with a smile and a wave, the way noble men and women would wave to the knights who were on their way to save the kingdom. But always your voice betrayed you, cracking and shaking, trembling violently against the knowledge that you wouldn’t see your loved one again, not for a very long time.

“Be careful.” You whispered, giving Childe one last hug.

“I will.” He assured you, kissing your forehead. “You be careful as well my love, I couldn’t stand it something were to happen to you. If anything happens, think of me, I’ll rush to your side immediately.”

“Don’t forget to write,” you replied, switching the subject so you didn’t have to think about the implications of Childe abandoning the Fatui, what might happen to him if he tried, “your letters are all I have.”

“I hope that’s not true!” Childe said, tone full of false mirth. “I hope you’re happy beloved, I hope you find happiness when I’m gone. Your life ought not to be spent waiting for me.”

“But you’re all I have.” You replied, staring down at the ground. “Everything has changed. My home, my work, my future. Even you’ve changed, you just keep changing and changing, running farther and farther away. But you’re still all I have. And I have to hold on to you, no matter what.”

Childe brought his hand to your cheek, raising your gaze up.

“I’m not changing my darling. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, I’m still Ajax. I’m still the man who wants to spend his life with you, who wants to travel the world with you, fighting monsters, sleeping under the stars at night. I’m still the man who wants to wake up with you every night and go to bed with you every morning. I’ll never run ahead of you, I’ll never leave you behind. Because if I’m all you have then you are what keeps me myself. You are why I can still be Ajax. And that will never change. So don’t despair, and don’t let yourself be swallowed up while I’m gone. Live your life to the fullest, I promise I’ll always be there, waiting for when you need me.”

Childe waved from the ship he’d boarded until it disappeared over the horizon. You waved back, even as your arm ached and your hand fell asleep. “Goodbye.” You whispered to the wind. There was no reply, but then again you weren’t looking for one.

Childe, Ajax, Tartaglia. These names all belonged to the one you loved. He was a whirlwind, a rogue current which had knocked you off your feet, carrying you into uncertainty. And yet you welcomed him, longed for him, loved him with all your soul.

Even if things kept changing, even if the Fatui’s hold on him only grew stronger, you’d still believe in him. He was your star, guiding you through a desolate ocean. Even if he sometimes disappeared behind the clouds, he’d always be there. You had to believe that, had to trust him.

He was your star after all.

Your Childe.

Your Ajax.

#If you really want to feel down look up the lyrics to “Dear You” and have it on as you read #For some reason the Higurashi soundtrack really fits this fic #I realize there’s a lot of crying in this I hope it’s not too much #childe #childe x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #oneshot #my writing

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natsumiheart · 3 years

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I look at a lot of stuff on Pinterest and one of people's reasons on why Oumasai is toxic is because Kokichi made Shuichi want to kill himself? Something tells me this is wrong but I'm not sure what proves it wrong. (I mean they also point out that Kokichi mocks Shuichi for mourning Kaede-) I'm asking about this because its been eating at me and trying to prove that it isn't toxic.

Hooo boy this is gonna be long so buckle up! I’m sorry I couldn’t make this shorter I just really go all ace attorney mode when it comes to this type of stuff.

Sorry if there are any mistakes or some parts are too confusing my internet might go soon so I can’t proofread and edit anymore!

I think what they’re referring to is how Shuichi got really depressed after discovering that the world had ended, but how can it be Kokichi’s fault? He literally wasn’t the mastermind, he didn’t make all that stuff up. Heck, he was the first one to even see that motive and on his own it was way worse to deal with. His behaviour was so out of line that Kaito got fed up with him and punched him for the nonsense he was saying.

The motive was supposed to make everyone fall to despair, it’s purpose was legit what happened to Miu where she NEEDED to go out to help out the world before everyone was gone. The motive was MEANT to be seen to make the game “More interesting” but Kokichi didn’t let the others see it until he finally convinced them that he’s the mastermind. If he didn’t the Mastermind would find a way to show it to them in a different way and there’s no knowing what could happen, and if he showed it to them himself they’re bound to believe what he’s saying considering the fact it’s obvious he already knew about this. He took that motive to basically make everyone give up on trying escape by killing each other, since as the mastermind he said “The game’s over now! There’s no point.” to prevent another murder from happening. AND IT WORKED, for a long while no murder took place but of course the actual mastermind couldn’t just sit idly and let the game be “boring” (Which was Kokichi’s goal) So they made a flashback light that Maki ended up seeing and calling the others to see, and the flashback light made everyone including Maki believe that Kokichi was a remnant of despair. They wanted to get rid of Kokichi for messing with the game and taking over their position, and this was their way to do it.

So, after all that, if others see that KOKICHI was the reason Shuichi wanted to give up for a second there. Then I really don’t know what to say. Shuichi has went through so much already because of the killing game and Kokichi’s attempt to stop the killing game is not the reason he wanted to give up. It was because he lost a lot his friends and because the world was most probably all gone. At that point he had nowhere to go back to and everything he has worked so hard for was for nothing because there’s nothing left. Kokichi didn’t do anything to Shuichi for him to be the sole reason he suddenly wanted to die. His depression got the best of him after being all alone with his thoughts for a couple of days, not eating or moving just sleeping the entire time. If anyone is at fault it’s the mastermind for making up such a cruel lie that even made Gonta commit murder to “save” the others.

And for the mocking him about Kaede’s death part (Which is literally one line after Shuichi removed his hat) Kokichi at that point had witnessed that the killing game was real and it was going to get him eventually. He wasn’t alright either and he had already started to make everyone hate him, acting more hostile and annoying so they all stay away (since anyone who groups up everyone or brings them hope will end up like Kaede did) He didn’t want to be the next Kaede or Rantaro. It started with that line but in the end he cut off all ties he had (if he had any) in chapter 4 so that they have no doubt that he is only full of malice and that he is indeed the mastermind.

“But how do you know that he has been devising that plan since back then?” Remember the “horse a” message? the first letters were added to it right before the next morning after the first trial where Shuichi entered the dining room without his hat. If you don’t believe me, here’s a paragraph from well written wiki!

Sometime between the end of the first trial and the morning of the next day, Kokichi would begin to devise of a plan to get everyone to think that he was the mastermind of this killing game, willing to be seen as evil for the sake of ending this madness. To begin this plan, he would leave a subtle message in the courtyard "Horse A", which he would later fill in with more letters as the killing game continued.

And here’s the source if you wanna check for yourself: Click here!

If it wasn’t already obvious, Kokichi is a LIAR. And his biggest lie of being the mastermind started after he saw the deaths of Rantaro and Kaede. That first chapter affected Kokichi a lot, he lied and lied to hide it but he was shaken up by the sudden death of Rantaro and was devastated by Kaede’s death. Though all he could say at her last moments is that she wasn’t boring. Because he knew, if he was truthful? Eyes would be on him immediately and he would be in danger.

Kokichi did his best to be the person he would hate the most, he lies so much yet says he hates liars, then says that’s a lie. Making everyone confused as to what the hell is right or wrong in what he’s saying. But he couldn’t keep up his facade forever especially when he was starting to get interested and even attached to Shuichi. In one completely optional scene in chapter 3 he legit says that he doesn’t want Rantaro to be the one who gets resurrected (Though he probably was more interested in him because he obviously knew more than he let on in chapter 1. Asking everyone about the Ultimate Hunt when no one else remembered it until they say the flashback lights, his fight with Hoshi, and how he was so sure that he WILL end the killing game. Kokichi even had his effigy in his room because he saw it as a clue or evidence that can help later, he needed to know what he was hiding and what his talent was.) and despite all that when Shuichi asks why he doesn’t want Rantaro to be the one, he says “Because you’d rather have Kaede back.” Of course he writes it off as a lie, but then right after that he SHOWS Shuichi his interest in Rantaro saying he might be working for the mastermind. The exact lines are:

Kokichi: “What if Rantaro was working for the mastermind? Bringing him to life might be a bad idea.”

(Trying to make Shuichi believe that he really did lie there about his reason why he didn’t want Rantaro to come back by making him believe that THIS was the real reason. I don’t know exactly if he entertained the idea or not, but he most probably did not believe Rantaro to be the mastermind here. He might have even made up that killing game anime he was talking about. Its’ real for us but might not be for them.)

Shuichi: “N-no that’s idiotic! Rantaro couldn’t have been working for the mastermind...:

“But is it really impossible? We only knew Rantaro for a short time. He did seem as though he was kind of used to the killing game”

The “used to” in that sentence was highlighted. THIS was Kokichi’s intention, to make Shuichi realise that Rantaro knew more than he let on. Which reinforces Kokichi’s interest in him. But Shuichi fell for Kokichi’s trap earlier and didn’t notice at all that he slipped the fact Rantaro would give more information.

It’s confusing I know, Kokichi’s thing is mind games after all. But what I’m trying to say is that for Kokichi’s goal to figure out this killing game and how to end it Rantaro would be most ideal to bring back but he just wanted to tell Shuichi that he’d rather have Kaede instead just so he’s happy. The evidence for that is how even after he says its a lie he lowkey shows Shuichi he’s more interested in Rantaro instead. It reminds me of those scenes where he says “WAAAHH I THOUGHT YOUD KNOW I HATE COFFEE” then right after he’s like “I’m tired of all that crying can I have a cup of coffee please.” Or “I actually can’t taste anything!” then “anyway my faves are spice and sugar!”

Kokichi did say something insensitive when he said “Is it cause Kaede died or whatever?” but it didn’t bother Shuichi at all he just brushed it off since he saw how he acted in the trial earlier. It wasn’t a surprise to him. Kaede’s death affected Kokichi too, and that line doesn’t match up with what he said about bringing Kaede back.

You never know what’s the truth and what’s a lie with Kokichi, everything he says contradicts each other. So how is it that all these people who hate Kokichi and call him toxic take his worst lines or moments as the truth when the context of his entire character and motive says otherwise. When he had to crush Shuichi the most so he believes that he is full of malice without a single doubt. To make him believe he was really the mastermind immediately, so he doesn’t go all detective on him like he usually does.

Kokichi’s actions were terrible yes but they were LIES he did it for a purpose that’s what makes him a grey character when in a KILLING GAME. It’s shown in salmon team that under normal circumstances the two would get along and Shuichi would want to learn more about Kokichi and his true self.

TLDR; Leave these children be, they were in a killing game. No ship is toxic unless it’s shown that person was terrible / messed up from the start and would hurt whoever they’re with. Those users just obviously don’t like Kokichi and hate seeing him with anyone XD and it’s obvious with how they blame him over a motive Monokuma/ the Mastermind has created and straight up ignoring the intentions behind his actions.

Now without evidence and stuff, truly speaking from my heart from here with full on bias XD

I get hating a character or a ship but oh my god can you not spread misinformation for others to feel obligated to agree? Toxic is such a strong word and I hate how people keep associating it with every ship they dislike. Making others feel bad for what comforts them! If Saiouma was so toxic how come it makes so many people happy? How come it makes people literally calm down, stop crying, and feel warm. Saiouma is one of the most adorable and realistic ships out there... Don’t ruin it for everyone else just because you don’t agree with how we feel. Just say you’re not a fan and move on!

Anyway don’t worry your ship is very valid! You can continue supporting them without feeling any guilt and if anyone calls it toxic they can see me so I break their kneecaps.

#rant #tw suicidal thoughts #oumasai #saiouma #shuichi saihara #kokichi ouma #danganronpa #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #ndrv3 #i came to save a draft of a drawing to post tonight then saw this ask #AND I LEGIT SPENT 3 HPURS JUST WRITING AND PROOF READING AND STUFF PFPFP #call my otp toxic and youre dead ya hear #hope my answer helped you!#ill post the drawing tomorrow this is more important

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she-who-the-river-could-not-hold · 3 years

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fic writer interview

I was tagged by @easilydistractedbyfanfic - thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I’m at 64 right now!! Which is both very cool and also depressing in its own way lol. Once I get through my prompts, I think I’ll be at 72. I have a few more ideas but wow, so many.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Currently 675,425! which feels pretty crazy to think about.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Total I think is six. Back in the day: Harry Potter, W.I.T.C.H., Young Dracula. More recently: The 100, Stranger Things, Six of Crows.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Stardust, In You and In Me – Bellarke, college AU + soulmarks 2. I Heard You – Mileven, college AU + meet cute 3. Traces of You – Bellarke, royalty + arranged marriage 4. In the Gravity of You – Bellarke, fake dating + sci fi vibes 5. Prisoner's Dilemma – Bellarke, S5 canon compliant kiss (my first Bellarke fic!)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes I do!! I try to at least, I don't get enough to feel fine leaving them be haha. I'm a bit behind at the moment but I do try to always make time to go and respond to them! It means a lot to me that people could have a response to something I write and I want to make sure that I acknowledge the extra step they take by commenting!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Easily the road gets tough – it’s a Harper x Monty, apocalypse AU and it deals with her S5 arc where she struggles to find a reason to keep going. She doesn’t die in the fic... but yeah. Secondary is Imitation which is an AU of the The Thing, written for Troped: Horror. It’s vaguely Memori but one of the tropes is Final Girl so it’s not a happy ending obviously.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not anymore, but one of my first fics on ffn.net was a Harry Potter and Young Dracula crossover! Never went anyway but a delightful attempt by younger me.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I haven’t! I’ve had a few “this was interesting” comments that definitely feel off haha, but no outright hate. To be fair I don’t receive a lot of comments in general but definitely no hate! Which I’m very thankful for.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Occasionally. It’s not my favorite thing to write so it’s usually somewhat vague, kind of standard. I think I’ve written more sex dreams than actual smut! If anything I’d like to eventually explore more k!nk type smut since I think you can do cool character work with it.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't know, not officially if anyone has at least! I'd be incredibly flattered.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t! Though I have co-written a story that looking back was essentially fanfic. In sixth grade one of my friends and I wrote a book together and it was pretty much our take on the Peter and the Starcatcher books. But in fanfic specifically I haven’t and I’m not sure it’s something I’d be inclined to do!

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I can’t choose!! To write, probably Bellarke. But Mulder x Scully is a top tier one that I just don’t think I’ll ever write. Kanej now has me by the throat but I’m weirdly anxious about writing them.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I had an X-Files, Stranger Things AU that I’m sad I abandoned. I’m worried about at least half of my WIPs tbh haha. But we’ll see. One of them is going to involve a lot of work and it didn’t get any sort of response from people, which obviously doesn’t mean everything, but that’s definitely one that I’m nervous about having the motivation which makes me sad. It’s one of my faves.

15. What are your writing strengths?

To be a complete broken record, I’m mainly just good at world building. To me I write to create movies in a written format. I think also since my inspiration tends to come from movies, I like to think I have creative ideas for stories. Since I don’t really seek out standard tropes anymore, I don’t really relay them too much in my fics which I think is a nice change of pace if someone is looking for it!

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I really feel like my dialogue is clunky. I just don’t think I have a good ear for it and I struggle with making characters sound like themselves in AUs. It might not be as noticeable as it feels but I always dread it. I also think I often have ideas that are too big for what I’m capable of pulling off and I’m always worried that the “big” moments won’t come across.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

For me so far, the only other language that comes up is the "Grounder" language and I avoid it at all costs. I think otherwise just try your best to make it feel authentic! I’ve never tried or considered it so I’m not sure I have many other thoughts.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I believe it was Harry Potter! Back on mugglenet I think was where I first shared them. I don’t even remember what I wrote tbh, I just remember the terrifying approval process.

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably my Bellarke, Midsommar fic though if I had to choose. It’s come so naturally to me and it’s the most confident I’ve been writing something. I really enjoy the themes and plot points I’ve been able to explore. It’s just a bonus that people like it, it’s really become a special fic for me since I first came up with it.

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Tagging: @kindclaws, @thelittlefanpire, @hopskipaway, @burninghoneyatdusk, @kinetic-elaboration, and anyone else who wants to join in!

#kathryn writes #get to know me

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kittyprincessofcats · 3 years

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RWBY Volume 8, Episode 14 - The Final Word

Thoughts on the final episode of RWBY Vol 8 under the cut.

Also, I will from now on reblog spoilers for Volume 8, which will be tagged with “RWBY v8 spoilers” if you want to blacklist them.

tw: Since the episode itself had the same content warning, I should mention that I will be discussing themes of suicide in this post.

Also, everything I’m about to say is *my* personal opinion. I’m not trying to tell anyone else that they’re supposed to feel the same way about anything in this episode. In turn, please don’t tell me how to feel about it either.

- I should start by bringing up what I said in my post about episode 13, because all of that is going to become relevant now:

So... that all aged... interestingly.

- Next, I should say that I actually did end up getting spoiled about Penny’s death. I was trying really hard and didn’t go into any tags, but literally one day before this episode was released to the public, Tumblr recommended me two blogs with the titles “Penny deserved better” and “Justice for Penny Polendina”… so I drew my conclusions from that. And while I think those blog titles are valid sentiments, I do wish people would wait a week before putting spoilers in a blog title. But then again, I was weirdly glad to get spoiled this time, because it meant I was more emotionally prepared.

- And now, on to my very controversial opinion about this finale: I… uhm… I actually liked it. There, I said it. I liked it. I’m seeing a lot of takes from people who hated it, and that’s totally fair, but personally, to my own surprise, I liked it. (It’s kind of interesting that last time I said it would be “awful writing” to kill Penny now, then it happened, now the whole fandom is complaining about it being awful writing… and I’m here going “actually… that wasn’t so bad”.) That’s not to say that I’m a fan of everything in this finale, especially re: Penny – but overall, the good outweighed the bad *for me*. (Stressing again that this is just how *I* feel.)

- I think the main reason I feel that way is because I honestly expected way worse. If you read that thing I wrote last week^, you see I expected multiple character deaths. I was incredibly nervous. And after I’d already spent a few minutes genuinely thinking Yang died (because of a badly worded episode 13 spoiler I accidently saw), I had to think about the kind of deaths that would be a dealbreaker for me and make me drop the show. (Let’s say it like this: If either of Bumbleby ever died for real, I would be done with this show immediately.) So, in short, I was terrified of the finale and expected it to be the kind of finale that ruins the show for me (which has happened in far too many fandoms so far) – and it wasn’t. I have mixed feelings about how they handled Penny’s story, too, but this finale didn’t ruin the show for me and I honestly felt way worse after the Volume 3 finale. Maybe that’s because I wasn’t prepared for it at the time, but this time I spent a whole week being super anxious, so when I’d actually finished the finale, I just felt overwhelming relief.

- Okay, so let’s talk Penny: Back in Episode 12, I already wasn’t a huge fan of the idea to make her human (if that even is what she was?), but I think I said I’d reserve judgment on it until we see where they go with it. Obviously, it feels unsatisfying to have the show just kill her off after everyone’s been trying to save her all volume. And of course, it’s never fun to see a favorite character of yours (and Penny is definitely a favorite of mine) get killed off. The way it happened (a character who’s been trying to sacrifice herself the whole volume finally doing so through assisted suicide, even though there could have been several potential ways to still save her) feels incredibly unsatisfying and depressing as well. The “heroic sacrifice” cliché isn’t new, but there’s still a difference between a sacrifice that feels necessary and like it really was the only way (Hazel, Vine) and one that feels more like a character being over-eager to sacrifice themselves even though there might have been alternatives (Penny). So really, I understand why people don’t like this, especially because the narrative, so far, seems to validate Penny’s choice by having her plan work. And that does send the opposite of the “fight for every life”, “no one is replaceable” message this volume had been going for until then.

- And this is why, I think Penny’s death is meant to be awful. Volume 9 might prove me wrong on this, but I think we haven’t seen the end of this storyline yet. For me personally, it’s too early to judge this plot-point by itself because it depends a lot on how they deal with it in the aftermath and how things go from here. (For instance: I hated Pyrrha’s death at first because going into a fight she knew she couldn’t win also felt like a needless heroic sacrifice to me. It was only how the aftermath of it was handled from there that made me be okay with it.) So basically, what I’m asking is: How will the other characters handle Penny’s death now? Will Ruby (or anyone else) get angry at Jaune for agreeing to kill her? How will Ruby grieve in general? And, most importantly: Will the narrative really treat Penny’s choice as the “right” one or will it challenge that view? (And was there maybe more going on that we know because I’ve been reading those “Penny is alive” theories and… oh boy.) So yeah – for me it depends on how it gets handled from here.

- Also, I just want to say that I really appreciate RT putting a suicide trigger warning in the beginning of the episode and I wish people wouldn’t twist that into a bad thing. (I’ve seen some takes along the lines of “If they had to put a warning, that means they were aware it’s a harmful message, so that makes it worse” and… please don’t do that. Content creators putting trigger warnings on things is a good thing. Also, this might be a controversial take, but I don’t think fiction always has to “send a good message and teach you a lesson.” The important thing is that RT were aware that this episode could be upsetting/distressing to people and that’s why they put a warning and the suicide hotline’s number in the description.)

- Anyway, I’ve been rambling for too long. My point is: I understand the criticisms and agree with some of them, but I hope the writers know what they’re doing here and I want to believe that they do. I also love all the theories about Penny coming back (in Winter’s mind, for example) and I think they’re not actually that unlikely. And if Penny doesn’t come back, then honestly, I’m okay with that, too. At the end of the day, she’s a fictional character. I can always go and read fanfictions where she’s alive and lives happily ever after with Ruby and nothing that happens in canon can ever take that away. Canon only has as much power as you want it to have. I can enjoy the canon show and the story they’re telling (even if Penny is dead for good this time), while still also enjoying my AUs where she’s fine. One doesn’t harm the other.

- (Also, let me take this moment to shamelessly promote my favorite cartoon show because I think this is relevant to the interests of anyone who hates the “person who’s been trying to sacrifice themselves the whole time ends up doing just that” story: The main character in She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is self-sacrificial to the point of it being unhealthy, but the show explicitly doesn’t treat this as a good thing. When she tries to sacrifice herself for the greater good in the final arc and says it’s better that way, this is treated as a problem, and the lesson she ends up learning in the end is her life has value, too, and that she deserves to be happy. (The show’s also very gay.)

- I don’t know if brought any of this across properly. Basically… I’m not happy about where they went with Penny either, but I am okay with it. I still enjoyed the finale and will continue to enjoy the show. And I want to focus on the things that make me happy about RWBY and made me happy about the finale, so I’ll talk about the rest of the episode now (while rewatching it because I’ll forget stuff otherwise):

- Have I mentioned I really love the Volume 8 opening? Because I really do.

- That shot of the destroyed whale is still awesome.

- I love how the episode opens with all the fights we left off with (Winter vs. Ironwood, Penny vs. Cinder, Harriet vs. Qrow, Ruby vs. Neo) and cuts between them. Also, the music is amazing!

- Elm admitting that Harriet is their friend and that being what finally gets through to her was a nice conclusion to their little arc, I guess. Vine’s sacrifice and his admittance that they’re his friends and he’s doing this for them were touching. Honestly, Harriet is right to blame herself for his death. That said, while this volume made me strongly dislike her, I do hope she now gets an arc about actually dealing with her grief and changing. I think that would be way more interesting to see than still having her be bitter, especially after what happened in this episode.

- Qrow causing good luck to stop the bomb was a nice little moment and honestly makes sense. Good luck and bad luck are just a matter of perspective, after all. What’s bad luck for yourself will be good luck for your enemies and vice versa. So, maybe Qrow technically caused “bad luck” for the bomb? Either way, I like the idea of him realizing that his semblance is more than what he thought.

- Cinder breathing fire during the fight was awesome. I need GIFs of that.

- Blake was amazing in this episode! I love that she didn’t let her grief over Yang consume her, but got up and kept fighting, kicked Cinder in the face and told Weiss to get up. Good stuff!

- I wonder if Cinder’s “You should have never been born” line to Ruby was just a generic “I hate you” line or meant something more.

- Do people honestly think that Cinder betraying Neo was unexpected or like… super unreasonable for a villain? Neo did threaten her – most typical villains don’t react well to their underlings threatening them, so I really don’t see why some people are so shocked or downright offended about this (is it just because they like Neo?).

- Weiss being the last one standing and using Blake’s weapon in the fight was absolutely amazing.

- The tragedy of Jaune sending Nora to bring the Huntsmen and Huntresses back through the portal while not knowing the portal is a one-way deal…

- Cinder knowing that Salem is back because her Grimm arm started hurting was a super interesting moment. And Weiss’ shocked face in that moment was quite interesting, too.

- I wonder if Penny really meant dying when she said “Let me choose this one thing”. To me, it sounded more like she meant choosing the next Winter Maiden. Also, her “trust me” to Jaune is an interesting line. Between that and us not seeing how that conversation goes on, I wonder if there’s something we don’t know here. (*puts on my “Penny is alive” tinfoil hat*)

- I’m glad they at least didn’t graphically show Penny’s death – which is an interesting choice again, because this show doesn’t usually shy away from making deaths graphic and portraying them in all their brutality. So, the fact that we don’t see the act itself and then just cut to Penny’s conversation with Winter was interesting. (But I am glad about it because I didn’t want to see that.) It might honestly just be because of the nature of Penny’s death that they didn’t want to show it too much (and that’s fair).

- “You were my friend.” Gosh, this rewatch is making me cry now 😭. (I also think it’s interesting that Winter calls herself a machine and Penny is now the one who corrects her. It’s a nice callback to Ruby telling Penny she’s their friend and “not just a machine”.)

- I was also just reminded that Penny died thinking Ruby was dead… ouch. This possibly hurts me more than Penny’s death itself.

- People have also pointed out that when Penny transfers the powers to Winter, her aura looks yellow (like Jaune’s) with only some green sparks (like Penny’s). Hmm… I really wonder if there’s more going on here.

- “I won’t be gone. I’ll be part of you.” Who’s cutting onions in here?

- Honestly, the main reason I kind of forgave them for killing Penny was because THAT MOMENT of Winter opening her eyes with the powers while that epic music plays was just amazing to witness. And her fight with Cinder? EPIC. BREATHTAKING. BEAUTIFUL. I’m not even that into the idea of Winter as the Winter Maiden (I honestly thought Penny, the robot girl, becoming the Winter Maiden was a much more interesting plot), but the way it was done in this episode was great. I’m glad we’re finally getting that rivalry between Winter and Cinder, because their arcs parallel each other in so many ways. And I love the symbolism of Winter only getting the powers that Ironwood chose for her after she betrayed Ironwood. I like the idea that she only became worthy of them after turning on Ironwood (which does work well with her Volume 7 arc).

- Oh, by the way, I really hate the “Team RWBY will become the four maidens eventually” theory. Even if it didn’t require characters to die, I just think it would be cheap and way too obvious, and I think it’s boring to throw all the magic powers at the main characters. So, if they only made Winter the Winter Maiden so she can eventually die and pass it on to Weiss, I’ll be very annoyed. (But I hope that’s not where this is going.)

- I’m also just realizing that Cinder asking “How am I supposed to take her power if she’s dead?” about Penny a few episodes ago was foreshadowing… damn.

- Jaune’s sword breaking was a really cool and symbolic moment, too.

- Winter trying to save Weiss from falling and not reaching her in time really got to me. I’m mostly not that affected by any of Team RWBY falling into the void because… come on, we know they’ll be fine. But Winter thinking her little sister just died is… oof. Maybe it’s because I have two younger sisters, but stuff like that really gets to me.

- Also, Winter going through that portal and seeing her family after she just (as far as she knows) lost Weiss… ouch. They never got to all reunite with each other (yet).

- I absolutely LOVED that final scene between Salem and Cinder. They’re both such fascinating characters and I just live for their interactions. Cinder talking herself down (even though she got the relics, so she knows she succeeded at the most important part) was amazing on her part. She did learn from Salem! It’s also interesting that even though she got what Salem wanted, Cinder didn’t get what she herself wanted (the Maiden Powers). I feel like that’s eventually going to become important.

- I wonder if Salem believed Cinder’s lies or not. I’ve seen some interesting opinions in both directions here. (Also, again, I don’t get why some people are so shocked and offended about Cinder lying? I’ve seen so many “I hope she pays for her lies” takes and… really? That’s her biggest crime in your eyes? Lying to another villain?? I don’t think any of you villain-haters feel bad for Salem here, so why… oh. Oh, nevermind, I just understood. They’re not mad that Cinder lied, they’re mad because they wanted Salem to kill her. Gosh, that’s so dumb. Face it, people: That’s not going to happen because Salem still needs the Fall Maiden’s powers. She’s not going to kill Cinder anytime before Cinder opens the last vault.)

- Cinder killing Watts with the staff was kinda funny, tbh. Also Salem’s proud little smirk in that scene kills me.

- “And that’s checkmate.” THAT. Okay, THAT was the best line in the entire episode, I don’t make the rules. What an epic moment!! Gosh, have I mentioned I love Cinder to death? What a queen! This volume really completely changed my opinion on her. I’ve already said that she’s my standout character of the volume, and I stand by that. It was her volume in so many ways and it’s so fitting that she gets to say the last line. It’s also such an interesting line in so many ways: 1) Because this episode is called “The Final Word”, is the only episode in this volume that doesn’t have a one-word title, and the actual final word of the episode is “checkmate”, it implies that “Checkmate” is the real, hidden title of the episode. And that fits so well! They could have easily just named the episode “Checkmate”, but revealing it like this works even better. 2) I also love the chess symbolism in this volume in general. There was a really great analysis about it on here somewhere, but basically: Salem is the king, Cinder is the queen (the king can’t die and barely moves, the queen is out there getting rid of opposing player pieces). And the interesting thing about that here is that the king can’t actually checkmate anyone else, only other chess pieces can. So, it’s very fitting that Cinder is the one who says “checkmate”. Also, in a game of chess, you often have to sacrifice your own pieces to win, which is what Cinder did. 3) I also LOVE the realization on Ironwood’s face when he realizes that he’s been so paranoid about Salem, but he’s actually been playing Cinder all along. (Someone else on here pointed out that there’s something super poetic about Cinder, someone who was very much a victim of Atlas’ systemic problems, being the one to defeat Ironwood and destroy his kingdom. Ironwood was ready to sacrifice all the poor people from Mantle for his own goal, and a poor person who was hurt by people in Atlas is the one who destroyed him. Yeah, yeah, Cinder’s evil and all, but I love it! 4) It’s also really interesting to me that Salem said “This game is not yours to win, it’s mine” to Cinder in the first episode of this Volume, but in the end, Salem ended up being gone for the entire last part of the volume and Cinder is the one who got to say “checkmate.” IT’S JUST SO GOOD.

- And ngl, I’m super happy for Cinder. She really got it all. Yeah okay, she didn’t get the Maiden Powers (and I hope she never does, because one person being two maidens at once is lame), but she got the relics, got rid of her enemies and co-workers (or so she thinks), destroyed the kingdom that she was a slave to, got back into Salem’s good graces… good for her! And apparently one of the buildings that you see being flooded was the Glass Unicorn? Amazing. Love that.

- (Yes, I’m team “redemption for Cinder please”, but come on… it was never going to happen this volume. And if it never happens, that’s okay, too – I’m loving her as a villain as well!)

- Also, I hope that all the people who were specifically criticizing Cinder for not being a competent enough villain are very happy now. Because there you have the competent villain you said you wanted! I mean, I’m saying this as someone who used to criticize Cinder’s character for not being interesting/deep enough. I used to say that I’d like a backstory or something that makes her more interesting/compelling to me. But as soon as we got that backstory, I happily switched sides to team “I like Cinder now”. So, I better not hear any complaining from the “I just want her to be a more competent villain” faction now!

- Yeah, I admit I’m getting annoyed with the Cinder hate. Everyone has a right to their opinions, but it gets frustrating when you’re going through the tag of a character you like and half of the tag are people talking about how badly they want that character to die. (Maybe use a seperate tag for it?)

- (I’m just realizing that I said “Well, at least it was only one character death” earlier, but people like Ironwood and Watts actually did die… I just didn’t count those because I don’t care. Sorry not sorry.)

- We decimated Salem’s faction quite a bit this volume, didn’t we? There’s only Cinder, Tyrian, and Mercury left. I wonder if Salem will get some new people on her side.

- Overall, while I did like this episode, I feel like Volume 8 got weaker towards the end. Most Volumes were at their best towards the end, but I feel like episodes 8-11 were the strongest parts of Volume 8, while episodes 12-14 were still good, but not as good.

- My prediction is that Volume 9 will (of course) be Tearm RWBY’s way out of the void (or whatever that place where they ended up is called) – And I quite like the theory that we won’t see the other characters at all and it’ll be focused only on what’s happening in the void.

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analyzingadventure · 3 years

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I’ve wanted to write about this for ages and Psi has kind of made relevant so

I always thought it was weird if we saw a Digimon die and then come back as the exact same species of Digimon.

(This isn’t specific to any series though I do use Adventure a lot in this discussion. May also contain spoilers for Psi)

Now admitedly there aren’t too many examples of this in the franchise (Patamon and Leomon being one of the few notable ones), but that is mainly because deaths are fairly rare, and even deaths we do see, it’s even rarer to see them come back (even when we know the mechanics of the world should make it totally possible)*. But nonetheless, it always felt weird to me when it did happen (or when us fans assume the Digimon would come back as the same species)

To properly explain why it feels weird to me, I first need to ramble about Digimon as “persons” and evolution as a whole

The thing that makes people who they are, are their memories. It’s their life experiences and their feelings of those experiences. It’s not where you’re born, the community you live in or the culture you’re raised in- of course these do affect who you are, but all they do is influence your life experiences and feelings about everything. They are incredbly imporant, and they play a factor in making you “you”, but those things aren’t “you”; “you” are your memories. And an imporant note here, is that who you are changes as you grow older, as you gain more experiences, feelings and memories. That’s why the “10yo you” is different from the “20yo you” or "40yo you” (etc), and why you will continue to change, even if it was ever so slightly, as you get older. Hell, the “you” who started reading this essay minutes ago is already a different person from the “you” who is reading this sentence right now. “You” are everchanging, ever-evolving.

So what makes a Digimon “them”? Or, more specifically, what makes each Digimon the species they are? Yes, this is a deeply related question for me, because we humans (I swear I’m not a robot) do express “who we are” outside, through our actions, our interests and how we appear to others, though not just what clothes we wear but also stuff like how we do our hair, tattoos, bodymods etc, not to mention things people don’t have control over from eye color, race, bodytype, height, all the way to disablities.

So if we as humans express so much (and so little) of “who we are” through how we appear, how would Digimon do it? How do Digimon express who they are?

It always just made sense to me if that was through evolution. That just as a Digimon experiences things, their evolutions will reflect the person they are, their feelings, memories, who they want to be.

Honestly this is one of the main reasons why I’ve always hated strict, Pokémon-like evolution lines (not even trees, just lines!!) in Digimon, the idea that these non-physical, A.I. data monsters can only appear a certain way through their lifespans based on whatever they were born as is just depressing to me. And while one might argue “it’s just how they are”, that rule only exists if you specifically go out of your way to write it in, otherwise there’s no reason for it to exist, but I’m getting super sidetracked ranting right now

Like just as an example of the kind of freedom I like to think Digimon could and should have, I want you to picture in your mind an Agumon.

Just a regular ol’ Agumon, living in the Digital World, minding their own business. This Agumon starts travelling for fun, enjoying seeing the world and whatever. During this time they realize they’re not really built for travelling and while their stamina increases as they go on and they get better at hiking, they still kind of wish they were more “built” for this type of activity so that they could enjoy their life more- And eventually they evolve into a Centarmon! Now they can move faster (etc) and enjoy their travelling life more, and they do just that! Life is great! Until one day they come across the ocean, a beautiful, vast “world” of its own, but one... they can’t explore, at least not any longer than they can hold their breath. They still spend their time exploring what they can, near the beaches etc, until one day their wish to explore the ocean is fulfilled and they evolve into a MegaSeadramon! And now they have great access to the oceans!

Like this example is very extreme, but you get what I mean, with the idea that the evolutions reflect the type of person the Digimon is, what they enjoy and who they want to be. It’s the ever-evolving reflection of their heart that I love

**(Sidenote at the bottom)

And this is why I think it'd make sense if Digimon came back as a different species entirely.

Because while death may have reset their evolution stages back to zero, if the Digimon retains all their memories from their previous life, all their experiences, hopes, wishes and dreams, all of their feelings... Then why would all the growth the Digimon had gone through in their previous life be reset? Shouldn’t their new life continue their previous growth and take different forms to reflect any new paths the mon might take in this life?

Just to use the Agumon from above as an example, if this mon died after spending quite some time as a MegaSeadramon, loving being a sea serpent and living in the ocean, wouldn’t it make sense they came back as a Sangomon instead of an Agumon (and yeah I think the Baby forms could be different too, depending on what they were but I’m skipping these)? Now of course, if they were happy living in the ocean and just totally content there, it’d make total sense if they then evolved to Seadramon and finally back to MegaSeadramon, I’m not saying they can’t come back to where they started at. What I do think is that it’d be weird if this mon went through the same Agumon -> Centarmon -> MegaSeadramon lifespan all over again if they wanted to be a sea-dweller from the get-go. And of course, as I alluded earlier; what if this Digimon, while living in the ocean as a Sangomon during their second life actually felt like they had seen what the ocean had to offer? What if they started hoping they could explore the skies? What if that wish helped them evolve to Airdramon instead, and they never go back to being a MegaSeadramon? This is what I mean when I say the second life would be a continuation of their life and their growth, it shouldn’t reset those things.

Now of course, from a simple writing point of view, it’d be confusing if a Digimon we were previously familiar with died and came back as a totally different Digimon, and even more confusing for kids. It’s easier to keep it simple and leave the Digimon the same species as they were in their previous lives

Additionally, most of these characters that we’ve seen die have always been minor characters with limited to non-existant histories; characters like Leomon, Whamon, Scumon+Chuumon, Piccolomon etc, while they’re all really well characterized with distinct personalities, they don’t have histories, backstories, they’re not deep characters. And making this many minor characters with deep backstories for a kids show would be really hard to pull off when you have deadlines to meet and no budget. So showing “the growth” these Digimon have gone through is not really do-able, not with these characters at least.

The Digimon with the most potential here would be Orgamon (the best developed minor character in Adventure) but he never died, Nanomon for sure, and possibly Wizarmon (esp. since his data could be like mildly busted, due to not being a Digimon originally and then dying in the Human World; if anything I think it’d be fun if Wizarmon could “come back” but as a Bakemon or something)

And as far as Patamon goes in Adventure, I do think with him it’s fine he came back in the same Digimon forms. Like my previous examples with “the Agumon”, this would be like natural evolution that happens over long, looong periods of time, years upon years no doubt, as the Digimon grows as a person. But the partner Digimon, they don’t really have the time to grow naturally, their evolutions aren’t really reflections of their growth. Rather, their evolutions are just powered up versions of who they are, with some reflection from their human partners. So with these partner Digimon (especially the Adventure-type “soul fragment” Digimon, less so with other series like especially Xros Wars), the evolutions being super linear does make sense and work just fine. And as an extention of that, these Digimon dying and coming back in the same species works out, like with Patamon in Adventure

Psi however, makes things a lot more interesting, because in Psi, the partner Digimon have backstories of their own.

Now for the most part, since the partners had lost their memories of their time fighting Mille as the Warriors, their growth being totally reset and them going through the same steps all over again does kinda make sense, it’s maybe a lil dull but that’s probably just my bias from being overly familiar with these characters.

But then there’s Patamon and Tailmon, two Digimon who retain their memories from their previous lives and the growth they’ve gone through. That growth, was own their own, from their own lives without any influence from any humans. But now, they have human partners, who influence them and their growth. And Psi has seemingly kind of spoiled the endgame for us, at least to some capacity?

We know in their previous lives Patamon and Tailmon were a Seraphimon and an Ofanimon, but based on the new key visual/poster, it seems Psi wants to use Goddramon and Holydramon as their final evolutions instead! And honestly, even if these evolutions didn’t come as a result of all the stuff I’ve rambled about in this post, it’ll still work for me for those reasons.

Additionally, while we know Patamon was only temporarily taking the form of Pegasmon because he lost his power and was literally unable to evolve to Angemon, for previously mentioned reasons if they had kept the Pegasmon evolution for the rest of the series it still would’ve worked for me, as it could’ve been seen as Pegasmon being a reflection of Takeru’s childlike innocence influencing Patamon’s evolutions

But yeah. I can’t remember if I had like a bottom line when I started writing this but it sure as hell is gone from my mind now, point is, I kinda wish Digimon’s evolution was seen slightly differently and written slightly differently, and explored more, especially through the Digimon who had previously died (who I would also like to see come back when the rules of the universe allow it instead of just ignoring the fact that they should be alive and well). And generally speaking I wish Digimon were written with more depth. Thank you for reading this incoherent mess

*Sidenote; arguably I think this could’ve applied to tri. as well, the Digimon who had their memories wiped completely could’ve totally evolved into different Digimon and maybe even should’ve

**Sidenote, this wouldn’t mean there’s NO limitations to what species a Digimon could evolve into; for example, just because you want to be a super powerful heroic Digimon like Omegamon it doesn’t mean you CAN evolve into Omegamon; if being valiant and heroic at heart were requirements to evolve to Omegamon, then unless you’re truly valiant and heroic at heart then you probably wouldn’t be able to evolve to Omegamon, if anything you might end up as Omekamon instead. Similarly if a certain species have other specific requirements, be it like Jogress requirements or Digimentals etc, then unless those requirements were met the evolution wouldn’t be possible So what I’m getting at is that limitations/requirements could totally still exist (depending on the rules of the specific setting), but being “the right species” to go from A to B wouldn’t and shouldn’t be one, at least not in my heart, but I digress

#Analysis #Analyzation #Holy shit I wrote an essay for this blog #This is like the first one I've written here for YEARS

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adventurepunks · 2 years

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To be honest meme: 8, 12, 19, 22, 38

honest meme

8.Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

Drama.Grow the heck up, this is a hobby and stop taking the opinions of strangers so to heart that you feel the need to cry on dash about it or involve other people. I am 33 years old with tax forms and a mortgage, I long outgrew the high school petty drama of buhhhhhh. If you got a problem with someone either talk to them about it like a reasonable adult or just block them and move on. No need for the call out culture.

The self diagnosed illnesses. The RPC sadly is full of self diagnosed mental illnesses and nothing really gets done about it. If you are riddled with problems seek medical or qualified help, your rp partners are not your therapists and being depressed is not an excuse to send people shitty messages. (that’s more a old bug bear from my old blogs.)

The stress. Or rather seeing how this stupid hobby causes stress to people in it, writing and rping on tumblr is not a job it’s a hobby and something you ought to do for fun. The moment it stops being fun and affects your physical or mental health is the moment you ought to stop being on here and focus on happier more productive hobbies. Stop apologizing for not replying, stop getting anxious about lower activity. Stop thinking that you have a obligation to be on this site. The ones that really matter will wait for you to be ready and happy to reply to their thread.

12. Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

Nah, I am too old to care for participating in tumblr drama. Last time I was involved in drama everyone was still rping with full size gifs and no text editing. My bitchy aunt vibe kinda deters dramatic people to stay away from me and if that doesn’t then I have a block button for a reason.

I am a blunt and honest person, I’d rather discuss my problems with who ever I have a problem with and solve them, I rarely bond with rp partners but when I do I work to keep the friendship going.

19. Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?

Last time I got actual anon hate was in the Defelina era of Tumblr which is ancient history and it was almost a trend to get hated on by that blog. If it’s anything constructive I will address it because hate sometimes is not hate but check yourself and your behavior just worded a bit more harshly, if it’s pure hate I will just say grow up, take a long good look at yourself and the choices you made to lead you to harassing random strangers on the internet.

22. What would make you block someone?

Tumblr and my dashboard is a very curated experience for me and I am liberal with the block button hence the lack of drama involvement from above, I invest my time and energy only to people that are both appreciative of it and worth it.

If it’s someone I know or rped and spoken with OOC then it would take something severe for me to block them but random blogs I barely interacted with? I might as well be Oprah and everyone gets a block (aka I tend to find that some blogs message me to rp with me for the first time, I ask them for a plot idea and then never hear back or just get the dreaded I don’t know so I just block. It’s in my rules, you wanna rp with me then send a meme or come to me with an actual plot idea, the uuuuuh I dunno just means you haven’t read my rules.

If I want to rp with a blog and I approach I always have at least a general idea to pitch to them, it’s not much to ask for the same thing in return. Something made you follow me so tell me what it is otherwise eh.

Plotting is important on this blog, I don’t ask for a full blown storyline just a start of a plot idea so we can spitball together.

38. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

I don’t really have advice as to rp in general...I guess work on good communication skills. Talk to your rp partners, talk to them about plots, about your muses, show interest and investment and that’s how you’re gonna have a good time. Only though invest your time to people that do the same, find the peeps that will get excited to write with you, get rid of those that make you feel like you’re a chore.

#;;ooc #;;honest meme #auntie Binkie is old and jaded kids <3

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hecohansen31 · 4 years

Text

It Was Fun Till It Lasted

Duncan Shepherd x F1 Pilot Female! Reader

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

I have been a bit silent the latest weeks, but I just got hit by the inspiration train as of lately (even more after all the F1 glory we have been getting) and I just thought about a small drabble, about Duncan in the race car universe.

Not as a driver, but more like a sponsor.

This is very PWP, even for my sentimental ass, so I do hope that you’ll like it, even though it isn’t the most perfect thing ever (just to warn you).

Also I just wanted to give @guiltyfiend a big shoutout because she has been a constant source of inspiration for me with various fics (‘Quid Pro Quo’ has been the main reason why for the existence of this drabble) so do check out her lovely fics!

I am also personally, maybe (since I don’t feel apprecciated in the other fandoms I am in) of making a few comebacks in this fandom, if any of you would like iit obviously!

So, please, if you want more, don’t forget to leave some kind of feedback I truly apprecciate it from the bottom of my heart and it’ll truly make my heart beat stronger and my fingers write faster!

Don’t ever ever forget to support your beloved writers with feedback, if you liked what they wrote!

Have a nice reading!

SUMMARY: Galas can be annoying things, but when an handsome fellow accidentally drenches you in champagne there are many ways your night might change.

WORDS: 5,4 K

WARNINGS: Mention of Sexism, Misogyny, Harassment On The Workplace, Inaccurate Portrayal of The F1 World, Inaccurate Way Of Cleaning Champagne From Clothes, Sex, Slight Dirty Talk, Mirror Sex, Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Sex Between Strangers.

You sipped slowly from the flute of champagne you had managed to steal, meanwhile your boss wasn’t looking, since you had been instructed to avoid getting yourself drunk till you got the trophy in your hand, to avoid replacing the ‘drunk Kimi meme’ in the F1 world.

But it was difficult for you, an introvert, to feel at ease in a room full of different people.

A few of them were gladly ignoring you, but more were looking at you like you were some kind of freak in a costume, which was probably the best description for being one pilot of the only all-female team existing in F1.

You had grown up with the myths of Ayrton Senna and Niki Lauda, thanks to your grandfather and his the passion for fast cars and elegant ones, raising you as some kind of substitute to him, who had never been able to race, having had various problematics with his own health.

An heartattack at seventy had taken him away, just as you signed your first contract with the F2.

You had been partnered with a male pilot, and although the car wasn’t the fastest, you had managed to become much better than your partner, eventually getting yourself fired because females, in a place like F1, couldn’t raise to fame, throwing you in a depression that had brought you almost on the verge…

… but then your newest F1 stable had brought you back, giving you a car that wasn’t definitely one of the best you could have gotten but it had gotten you through a nice first season, and you had actually arrived at the sixth position in the constructors’ championship, alongside your partner…

… who, right now, didn’t look less bothered than you, at this fancy party.

But Abigail could definitely hold the curious gazes better than you.

You might have needed something more than champagne to get through a night like this.

You had begged your stable director to just bring Abigail, the social butterfly out of the two of you, but he had just insisted that ‘having two beauties on his arm would have done him and the stable more good than just one’.

And aside from the blatantly sexist part of the comment, you knew he was right.

Sponsors had been rushing to you this season because the media had focused much attention on the importance of new female figures in races, but now that the novelty was rushing off a few had decided to let you go, so you had to grab a few new ones, convincing them through either the use of your talk and your feminine charm.

‘… I had almost thought that he’d ask us to sleep with the sponsors to get them to stay’ had commented Abigail, as you both set yourself up for the night, the elegant rented dresses waiting for you on the comfortable bed of the expensive suite of the hotel ‘… it was this close to becoming an episode of ‘Law & Order: SVU’.

And now Abigail was being her usual chatty with a few sponsors fawning around her, as you tried to down the flute of champagne almost as if it was a full bottle of vodka, something that you honestly missed and stared at the expensive drink in the glass.

If only your glare could turn it in something that would give you more liquid courage.

A few of the rookies had been tried to talk with you and you had been extremely happy to have someone approach you, but soon the chat had diffused itself and all the drivers had been called back by their own director, and you had found yourself alone, again, and with annoying stares upon you.

Many of the pilots from the other stables had tried to get you in bed with them, and you knew that there were various bets going on about getting you or Abigail to finally relent your ‘haughty pretenses’, not to talk about the fact that the entire media platform and magazines had been set up on you and Abigail, waiting for any false step of yours.

You had been dubbed ‘the sole chance for feminism to raise’ and everyone was waiting for you to fall.

To prove that F1 wasn’t female territory.

So, you had been rigorously swearing off any coupling with the other drivers.

The fact that you found it already quite difficult to combine your training and the various galas you had to attend with an healthy social life, certainly did help with the whole ‘chastity promise’ thing.

And you never regretted such a choice during the race season.

The ‘no sex’ rule helped you during the competition, keeping your mind in the game, but now that the driving season was ended and you were finally enjoying your well-deserved holiday, you couldn’t help but hate thoroughly the situation you had landed yourself in, only able to rely on your hand and a few interesting toys.

But otherwise, utterly frustrated.

And yet unable to come up with a solution on such a short notice.

Dicks didn’t grow up on trees, these days.

You just bumped in them, apparently.

Because, as you were halfway through having your second drink of the night, counting on the fact that the director of your stable was halfway through a successful talk with some well-dressed older gentlemen, hence making him quite busy already and unable to check up on you, you clashed against a wall.

A wall of muscles, at a second glance.

A breathing wall of muscles, at third glance.

But you were far more interested by the fact that the bump-in had just made you spill your entire drink on your Givenchy rented dress, the one that costed more than your apartment rent, something that made a loud ‘shit’ leave your mouth and making the ‘wall of muscles’ raise his head towards you, as he noticed the stain.

And then, when you noticed that ‘wall of musclea’ had a pretty face and an even prettier body, a softer ‘shit’ left your mouth.

What a way to make an impression.

“Oh Gosh, I am sorry!” American accent, no British accent.

That was probably where Mother Nature had drawn in blessing him with all the ‘fucking handsome man’ gifts.

His handsome face was elegantly touched up by high cheekbones and feature that had something of roguish matched with elegant traits and darker colors, making him stand out as someone who wasn’t definitely a pilot or a journalist.

Which was ideal for you.

Such an refined face was matched with an elegant tailored body, the suit definitely made for him and him solely, knowing perfectly how to highlight each and every trait of a body that was obtained through attentive work, a careful one that was meant to impose itself or pump his muscles with no aim, but to give him a lean appearance of power.

That definitely worked with you.

“… oh” brain to Earth, brain to Earth, (Y/N), say something intelligent ‘… it was an accident’.

Tell that to the lady that will want the dress back.

But for now, that wasn’t your main concern.

Which was the handsome man in front of you.

But you couldn’t just hump him right there, not only because you were pretty sure that it would have been described as ‘sexual harassment’, but all the spotlight was set up on you, hence all the cameras were focused on every little small mistake you could have done, intensifying them in a way that didn’t happen with men.

You had to be perfect, but even more than that.

You had to be the male everyone thought you were, although you lacked of the attributes.

So, flirting was considered a hellish sin.

“Gosh, I am… extremely sorry” he repeated again, as his eyes shared a quick glance with yours, and you just nodded your head as if you had to confirm to him that you had heard him clearly the first time, before ducking to the restroom, hoping to be able to scrub away the stain, at least to avoid its yellowish color on the stark white of your dress.

But before you could start raising the dress off your legs, where the stain was more evident, you were followed inside by the man, and before you could utter any protest, he caught the ones in your eyes.

“I swear I am not a creeper” he raised his hands as if to reinforce this “… I just… you shouldn’t scrub on silk, it’ll just ruin the fabric, just ran the water and then wait for it to dry, some alcohol and a bit of bleach might also help, the stain will come out, with a single wash… I swear”.

You had a million questions for the stranger, unsure if you shouldn’t have already screamed at him for having entered the ladies restroom, but you just assumed that he was the first handsome guy ever to come with a cute personality.

And good domestic knowledge.

That was meant to always do something to a lady.

“… thank you” you settled on uttering, comforted by the fact that the guy turned around to leave you some privacy, but you couldn’t just let go such an opportunity, even more when you were in some kind of secluded area, and he didn’t look like the type that had a secret go-pro camera under his clothes.

Some girl that you had once met in a bathroom at one of the races had turned out to have one, as she egged on commenting some shit over Abigail.

Unluckily for her, Abigail was in the other stall and she had flushed in the noisiest way the water, before appearing with some kind of triumphant aura around her.

“… can you please stay?” ‘people will probably doubt you on your “abilities” if you come out after five minutes’ you almost wanted to utter, as a test to know if he looked just like a sex god or he fucking was, although with the way his cheeks blushed of a light red, you simply bit down on your tongue “… just to help me get the stain off, properly… you seem to know much more than me about it”.

“Things happen in college” he commented, as if it was an explanation.

What kind of parties had he been in college?

You just remembered the rush to grabbing the cheapest and most efficient alcohol.

He reached out as kindly as he could to start on the farthest part of your dress, where it wasn’t straight up skin tight, gently dabbing it with a piece of paper you had handed him, the fabric destroying itself on the dress, but the stain became a bit less prominent.

Enough to pass as some kind of enrichment the stylist had done on the dress at the last minute.

You hoped you could make the lady that had rented it to you buy this shit off too.

Because you either managed to get the stain out or get yourself a sponsor for the new year, or you’d have had to probably start living on the road, with only a few shining trophies for losers, such as the one you were supposed to grab tonight, for ‘best promising team’.

As if there was some kind of competition, between your small team and various established ones…

“… what are you doing at such a party?” you knew that conversation during this kind of thing would have gotten it to seem less sexual than it truly was, and although you were as good at small talk as you were at handling a crowd, you did your best to sound as relaxed as you could be.

But your question still sounded like one out of a police interrogation.

“Friend of a friend” it was more like meaning ‘none of your business’ but kinder, and you couldn’t deny his own right to privacy “… by the way, I do think that I should give you my name… in case you want someone to curse for the dress, I am Duncan”.

“I am (Y/N)” you were glad when no light of recognition shone in his eyes, just as his hand lightly grabbed the back of your upper thigh, to make the dress adhere perfectly to your skin and dab the stain more properly, a light shiver at the touch made you understand how truly touch-starved you had been “… and you look as out of place as me in this fucking gown”.

“Don’t tell anybody, but…” and he lightly leaned in closer to you, enough that you could feel the strong but comforting perfume of his cologne, something that smelt extremely male and yet, you couldn’t detect a trace of toxic masculinity in it “… I have never seen a single race of F1 in my life”.

Just what you needed.

“… oh tell me about it” you played coy, as his hands raised up from your legs skillfully avoided your ass, instead choosing to grip on the outer part of your hip, handling you with care but a sureness that made you want to relent the whole ‘male image’ you had created around you.

What would you have given for a night in which you didn’t have to be the one in control, constantly checking every detail!

“… neither a fan of the whole race panorama?” he asked, as his eyes trained themselves on your stomach, barely covered by the white of the dress, showing him a bit of skin behind it, exactly as the absence of your panties, a crazed decision of Abigail, who had thrown away your seamless granny pants.

‘They might be protective when we race, but these are shit’.

You knew you shouldn’t have lied to him about not belonging in the racing setting, but you just wanted to have one night in which you weren’t the prodigy, the promise, ‘the sole chance for freedom to raise’.

You just wanted to be (Y/N).

“Definitely not”.

“Brought here by a boyfriend?” now he was scanning his own ground, and he had a small break from his cleaning duties, as you caught a glimpse of that damned profile, the kind of thing you saw on expensive old coins.

He was definitely some kind of emperor in his own right.

“Nope” you mumbled, before you gave him back his own same coin “… just brought here by a friend of a friend”.

He smirked at his words being spit back at him and you smiled almost foolishly.

You even let out a soft giggle.

How fucking long had it been since you had giggled?

And done it because you honestly wanted.

And not because you were forced in front of journalists or potential sponsors.

His hands were now on the side of your chest, against the slight hill of your bra (you could have forsaken panties, but you needed that support), his hands lightly tracing the ridge of the silicone part where the bra stood attached to your skin, sweaty due to the fact that you had been wearing the whole thing for five hours, before of the event.

“… and you had an idiot spill a drink over it, in the span of an hour” the words were meant for self-deprecation, but the smile that accompanied him was utterly confident.

Had you had panties, they would have definitely hit the ground soundly in that moment.

“… it could have been worse” you mumbled, just as your eyes twinkled with secret meaning.

‘You could have been a complete twat or old enough to be my grandpa’

“… you couldn’t have known how to get out champagne stains” you joked, settling up on a more PG-13 comment, unsure of what to do, since it had been quite some time since you had last flirted, and although his hand told you a story, you weren’t exactly sure if he had gotten all the clues of the game.

He laughed so brilliantly that also a light blush joined your soft giggle.

“Gosh, that would have been awful” his tone was joking, but his eyes were onto you, as they searched some kind of confirm in yours, and you just had to lean in to sign the deal, leaning down to kiss him.

You had never been one for one-night-stands and neither for quick fucks in a restroom, but with the way he lightly gripped you, making sure to position you on top of the elegant porcelain sink, careful to avoid the water: it wouldn’t have been neither.

And you were completely swept away.

He definitely passed the ‘kiss’ test.

His hand went through your hair perfectly, but careful of the small updo you had done, his fingertips lightly scraping the baby hair on your upper neck, in a way that kept you grounded, just as his lips lightly bit onto your upper lips, leaving you wanting for more, just as he backed away with a cunning smirk.

One that spoke of that technique never failing.

And before he could perform again that cocky enchantment, you kissed him.

Releasing on him entire months of sexual frustration.

And you had to say that you surprised him, enough that you were worried that your suddenness would have scared him, but he just needed to regain the control, before his hand without any care went to mess up your updo, in a way that instead of grounding and relaxing you, made you tense up, just as his hand splayed your knees wide onto the sink to have him come up between them.

And after the passionate kiss you had been sharing, you found yourself quickly locked, with one that gripped you by the hair against the cold mirror and another one splayed on your knee

The fabric of your silk dress lightly caressed the skin of your inner thigh, right as his elegant and expensive pants did the same with your core, making you feel that you shouldn’t have seriously worried about the ‘five minutes thing’, or at least you hoped.

But the package seemed fucking good.

“… so, would you like to have a bit more of help?” the way he pronounced the word ‘help’ sounded downright sinful and how could a girl deny him, as your own hands moved to gently tap on his sharp cheeks, the scratchiness of a cleanly shaved beard making you feel like this was all real.

“Just don’t get my dress dirty” it was a whisper, but your eyes played with the dominance you wanted to relent to him, and he just looked intrigued.

“Then spread your legs properly, little one” and as if under a spell they opened properly and let him adjust himself against them as his hands lightly raised up to collect the dress away from your legs, stopping right up on your hips and leaving a bit of dress to cover you, as if he had to leave you some modesty “… good girl”.

You purred at that, leaning in the light petting of his grip having become less pronounced as a grip and more a caress.

“… I saw you out there in the crowd and I wanted to buy you a drink, because you looked at unease as me, I thought that you could use that” he commented as his face lightly moved down to the crook of your neck, his nose making a teasing trail down your profile, just as his beard lightly scratched your skin, making it redden simply for his lips, before he covered it of purplish bruises “… I thought I had done the worst thing ever since with pouring a drink over you”.

“… couldn’t stay mad when you fucking looked like a sex god” you muttered unable to deny the truth, your body arching right against his as his hands, gently dragged he strap of your dress down your shoulders, revealing the awful skin-like bra, but he just seemed focused on your collarbones, his hand working slowly to ease the bra away from you, eventually dropping it onto the small tissues box over both of your heads, so it wouldn’t get on the ground.

An attentive gesture, exactly as the way he gripped tightly your breast, making sure that your nipples were lightly caressed by his thumb, right as he bit down on the softer flesh of your neck.

“I am glad that my good looks were of some use” he joked, and gently looked up at you “… and let me tell you, I have a tongue that will make you forget all about my clumsiness”.

“I do think that I deserve an apology” you muttered, as your eyes met again, your lashes cornering perfectly your hazy eyes, breathy and soft “… a vocal apology”.

And he simply smirked down at you, falling on his knees with a sound thud, as you pushed yourself further down the sink you were on, till you felt the painful dig of the faucet in your back, enough to make you moan in protest, but soon the look of wonder on his face as he unveiled the secret underneath your dress was definitely a relief against the uncomfortable position.

“… didn’t know that you were one of those girls that go without panties” he pushed a knee up on you to spread you further to him, as he took in the proper masterpiece that had been revealed to him down there, and his kisses moved up on your inner thigh “… look like the pretty girl turned out to be a bad bad girl, no wonder I am about to fuck you like a fucking bitch in heat in a restroom”.

And you blushed at the profane words.

But it was just more endearing for you as he pushed himself to properly settle against the nest between your legs, already oozing soft milk and sweet honey, his lips lightly pushing against your own, as he dragged the same beard you had felt on your cheeks against your cunt, the sensation making you hiss, right as again your lips came to soothe your ache.

The plumpness of his lips made you unable to stop yourself from moaning out loud, your eyes closing just as he delivered a slap to your thigh, a silent warning to keep your eyes trained on him and you did, as his lips sucked your softest piece in his mouth.

His tongue was instead a blessing inside of you and this time you were the one delving a bit of pain to him, as you grabbed strongly his hair, some kind of relief to keep you grounded as your body became like a cloud, weighted down just by the tension in your whole muscles.

“Fuck, you do know how to have fun” he mumbled tightly, as he released your cunt, something that made you protest loudly “… when was the last time somebody fucked you this good, (Y/N)”.

And before you could properly reply, his finger slipped inside you, making you hiss out at the feeling of being full, so unlike the stretch of your own fingers, so slight that now you needed a minute to calm yourself from everything, as you waited to answer his reply.

And he gave you a moment to breath, before his finger lightly probed further, reaching inside with a wayward gesture that made you choke up on your own words, as your back arched against the mirror and the hand that wasn’t in his hair gripped so tightly the sink that you were sure you had left an acrylic nail there.

“… a long time for sure” he smirked so devilishly that it broke you thoroughly.

And then his tongue matched his finger and before you knew it your floating was interrupted by your skyrocketing to the ground in a pleasurable trail that brought you back to all the earthly pleasure you could ask for, leaving you numb and tensed, your eyes rolling back as you lost sight of what was going on with you.

And then as you regained, your legs were slack over Duncan’s sides, his lips teasing again the skin of your neck, but no intention to punish you with any pain or tease you, instead there was a desperate soothing in his gestures, as you slowly came back to reality.

Fuck, you honestly should do this more.

Sadly, half of the guys that wanted a hook-up wouldn’t have ever done anything like what Duncan just did with you.

And would probably last five minutes, indeed.

“… was that enough of an apology?” he asked as soon as he saw that you had regained some semblance of calmness.

“Definitely yes” not that you could reply with much more.

Your fingers spoke louder as they went to his belt, undoing it with a bit of problem since you were slightly trembling, but he tried his best to let you do it, but before you could lower the pants, he gently grabbed your hands, something soft in his eyes, as he made you look up at him.

“We don’t have to do this…”.

“Oh, c’mon…” you mumbled, but his question was sincere and you couldn’t help but blush lightly “… I am pretty sure I want to do this”.

He mumbled softly, as he grabbed something from his back pocket, as you lightly lowered pants and boxers in one move,

And you weren’t disappointed,

He was definitely a big guy.

Larger than longer, with a light curve that made you painfully ache for having him inside of you, already half-hard, and your hand gently moved up and down on him, in a gentle foreplay that was completely uninterested about the knocking on the door, eventually dissipating in curses.

“… gotta be quiet baby” he commented, as he pushed his wallet on the side of the sink, getting a condom out of it, something for which you were thankful, because although you were on birth control, he was a complete stranger to you, and although the thrill of it just made it all just more daring, you would have preferred avoiding anything that might have given you an awful month “… I don’t know if you will, since I’ll make you feel fucking good”.

You just smirked at him, with a smile that told him ‘I can take it, sweetheart’.

And he just silenced it with pushing himself inside of you.

The penetration gave you an unpleasant stretch, and you needed a minute, as your whole body shifted against him, completely pushing himself in your arms, and to his credit he didn’t do much more than steady you, as he gave you the time to adjust yourself on him, till your whole body relaxed but your own insides.

Gripping him tighter.

Goading him closer and deeper.

And he gently set up a slow rhythm, making you feel each inch of him, till you were hypnotized with the way his hips moved against you, his upper body lightly stroking your clit, as wetness oozed down him, lubing him up, as he took up more speed and you found your back pushed against the mirror with such intensity that you were sure it would have been broken soon.

But you couldn’t give a fuck.

He gently pushed you in another position turning you around, so that you could face the mirror, meanwhile he took you from behind, the angle being deeper and the slight curve of his cock hitting the perfect spot.

And the fact that you could see yourself being fucked by him was only a bonus.

The way his face became so deformed by pleasure gave it all some kind of dreamish state, as the pleasure intensified desperately and you were there just on the right spot, but not enough stimulation was there for you, till he brought a finger in your mouth, and you sucked him inside, looking at the wanton expression on your face, before you closed your eyes.

And pleasure overtook you.

It didn’t take him too much time for him to finish alongside you, as his hand lightly went in your hair again, pushing as a way to grip on reality for a last time and your muscles spasmed around you, desperately and tightly in a way that almost made you wonder how it would have felt to have his seed on you.

And not in a plastic wrapper.

But for now that was all you could do.

Your legs trembled but he steadied you, something that definitely gave him more credit than you thought, expecting him to simply tug himself back in and disappear, maybe stand a bit next to you, to wash himself, but to his credit he gently handled you better, till you were again seated against the sink, the facet now digging painfully in you.

But you were definitely sore in more pleasurable places.

He gently got you back in your dress, adjusting your bra on your sweaty skin, too sensitive for the powerful orgasms you had felt, his silken touch making goosebumps appear on your skin, as your nipples lightly peaked and he couldn’t stop himself from gently sucking one after the other in his mouth, as you moaned almost as a protest.

“Don’t start something you won’t finish” you warned him, as his eyes twinkled with teasing happiness.

“… I would… but I do think that people need this restroom” and he was right, since you felt somebody halfway through calling the security and you shouted out calmly a soft ‘sorry, I just stained my dress and I am trying to get the stain away’ “… but if you want, I can… leave you my number, for more fun…”.

Which you were tempted to take, honestly.

He was handsome, he had a good dick game and he was definitely respectful of boundaries.

But you knew these things always got too complex for you.

First of all because had you given him your number, you would have to admit the truth and secondly as much as you were free right now a partner that was repeated a few more times was dangerous, because feelings might be developed.

“… I…” but how could you let down a guy like this.

“… you aren’t the type” a sad smile appeared on the man’s face, no hard feelings for sure, but definitely uncomfortable at your rejection and you couldn’t help but simply nod “… got it, well it was fun till it lasted”.

And to his merit he didn’t do anything that might have been rough against you, choosing to instead smile politely as he cleaned himself a bit, before he exited with one last look at you, as if to check if you had changed your mind, but you simply stood painfully uncomfortable off the sink as you dabbed a bit more the stain.

“… thank you for the suggestion and…” ‘…the fucking amazing sex’.

“You are welcome”.

And with that he disappeared from the restroom, as you thought he’d disappear from your life.

The only trace of him was the faint stain on your dress and the slight blush on your cheeks as you joined Abigail again.

‘… somebody got lucky’ she simply muttered, as she twirled her glass, another one in your hands, as your eyes searched for Duncan, he joined a few of the investors, but your eyes diverted immediately from that sight, worried the connection might be seen and questioned ‘… at least one of us got laid tonight’.

You simply elbowed her, as you smiled lovingly at the sponsors.

But you definitely felt rebirthed after the restroom session.

Maybe you were wrong about not seeing him again.

Not that you hadn’t to wait much to meet him again.

That morning you had been asked to take part at a reunion of the stable, alongside a few sponsors that you had found at the latest event, it was a way to get them to know the ‘talents’ they’d fund, and as you expected old and older people to approach you, you were surprised to find Duncan standing there.

Hadn’t he been a complete stranger to the F1 platform?

And as your grew nervous and more nervous, your stable director came up to you and Abigail, slinging an arm over you both as he moved to get you and present you to him, making you blush as much as he did, but he was extremely professional.

You couldn’t, when you discovered he was your newest sponsor.

‘Girls let me introduce to you both our latest sponsor’ your boss commented softly ‘Duncan Shepherd’.

And he was Duncan fucking Shepherd.

The heir to the Shepherd foundation.

What the fuck had you done?

---

Duncan Shepherd (I don’t really have a taglist anymore, so if you are interested on being there for Michael do let me know, and I’ll add you, if I ever think about writing something for him again!):

@blakewaterxx, @melodylangdon, @avocodys, @ahsbitch, @littlegirlsdontplaynice, @accio-rogers

#Duncan Shepherd #Duncan Shepherd Reader #Duncan Shepherd x Reader #Duncan Shepherd x Female Reader #Duncan Shepherd Fic #Duncan Shepherd One Shot #Duncan Shepherd Smut #Duncan Shepherd Moodboard #Duncan Shepherd Writing #Duncan Shepherd Imagine #House Of Cards #House of Cards Imagine #HOC #HOC Imagine

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alixanonymous · 3 years

Text

Things That Got Me Through 2020: A Long List Of Random Recommendations

Hi! 2020 was awful but throughout it I found a lot of amazing things to get me through it. So just in case things get tough some times in 2021, here’s some wonderful distractions, amazing stories, and things that I just loved in general. Hope you enjoy any that you give a try! Also, I always love new suggestions if anyone has any!

BOOKS (Or actually just one book because I did not read nearly as much as I though I did)

- The Martian By Andy Weir (Sounds like it would be really depressing, actually one of the funniest books I’ve ever read! Can’t recommend more.)

WEBCOMICS (What a great year to discover WebToons I tell you)

- Lore Olympus By Rachel Smythe (Worth the hype in my opinion!)

- Let’s Play By Mongie (I enjoyed this much more than I could’ve imagined, my romance loving self squealed when reading certain parts.)

- SubZero By JunePurr (Amazing balance between romance and plot.)

- The Remarried Empress By Alphatart/Sumpul (Reads like a soap-opera, main character is my favorite type of female protagonist, smart, confident, and not ashamed of it, love interest is adorably infatuated and I live for it.)

- In the Bleak Midwinter; By Kat/Ali (I got sucked into this one. The world building is great, the world itself is so interest and I loved the premise.)

ANIMATED SHOWS (20 minute episodes came in clutch this year with my short attention span due to anxiety)

- The Dragon Prince (If you like animated series at all, you’ll like this I think.)

- RWBY (Season 1 is good, Seasons 2-3 are pretty great, 4-5 were not my favorites by any means, 6 is pretty good, Season 7 was sooo good!)

- Ever After High (Thanks @raesofmoonlight for the recommendation! Possibly the best character design I’ve ever seen. Watch it if you can!)

- Avatar: The Last Airbender (Zuko alone is worth watching the show, add in all the others, the world building, the humor, the writing, just watch it already if you haven’t yet.)

- DC Superhero Girls (Sometimes I think about this show’s version of Bruce Wayne and start cracking up.)

LIVE ACTION SHOWS (I’ve been so caught up in animated shows since March I forgot I watched some really good live action ones till right now)

- Galavant (A medieval musical. Pretty short episodes, hilariously silly, my favorite way to lose twenty minutes of my life at a time. If you’re not sold yet, how about this: They started the second season by singing a song about how they didn’t think they’d get a second season.)

- Anne With An E (Gilbert Blythe owns my heart and soul and wow the show is so much better than the typical teen dramas. Love the historical aspect too!)

- Jane The Virgin (I got so attach to this show’s character my goodness. Top tier writing I think.)

- The Umbrella Academy (This show is so freaking addicting. It’s never what I expect it to be and I love that. I love the music, I love the action scenes, I love the characters. Watching the second season now, wow the characters make you feel for them. )

MOVIES (I’ve never watched so many movies as I did this year so here are my favorites, although half are DC animated ones so sorry if that’s not your thing)

- The Martian (One of the best book to movie adaptations I’ve ever seen, Matt Damon was the perfect person to play Mark Watney. )

- The Entire DC Animated Movie Universe (My favorites are Justice League: War, Son of Batman, Batman v.s. Robin, Justice Leagus v.s. Teen Titans, Reign Of The Supermen, Justice League: Dark Apokolips War but I think it’s worth just watching them all in order. The characters are all so great. Most of them have amazing team dynamics.)

- Batman: Under The Red Hood (If you like Batman, you’ll probably like this movie or maybe you’ll hate how emotional it makes you either way.)

- Miss Americana (This is the Taylor Swift documentary. I actually just discovered how much I love her music and I found this to be super fascinating in showcasing how the media portrays female entertainers.)

MUSIC (I have this horrible feat or people judging my musical taste so if you do please do it silently)

- Taylor Swift (This year has really just been non-stop Taylor Swift for me. Her albums Folklore and Evermore in particular helped me come to terms and cope with 2020 as a whole.)

- Hamilton: An American Musical (I’m not even going to bother to sell this one, there’s no need to.)

- The Little Mermaid: The Musical (I like fairy tales okay and Alan Menken is a musical genius and I will fight anyone who’s says otherwise.)

YOUTUBE (This definitely needed it’s own category)

- Philip DeFranco (I got really overwhelmed with all the news this year so most days I decided to just watch his twenty minute show everyday and it really helped. Just a good way to keep up to date without getting overwhelmed.)

- Technoblade (Okay, real talk: MCYT took over my life since I discovered it in August. I could make a whole separate list of all my favorite minecraft youtubers but I decided to just put my favorite, the Blood God himself. You might consider it a sign of the times that my family and I watched The Potato War saga on the television on Thanksgiving. Highly recommend his whole Hypixel Skyblock series or just his Skywars Solos or everything he does actually.)

- BuzzFeed Unsolved (Great way to get a good laugh in and also learn about creepy cold cases and also aliens. The two host, Shane and Ryan are the best. Ghost in general are fun.)

- Tingting ASMR (Shoot! I almost forgot! A large portion of my sleep last year was due to this woman. I’m not really one for ASMR myself, I don’t really love whispering in general but I really love her approach and I find it super calming!)

Okay! I think that’s it. I hope some of these things bring some of you joy or peace. Please give me any suggestions you have. I am always open to recommendations. Happy New Year everyone!

#Recommendations #Book Recommendations #Movie Recommendations #Random Recommendations #So Long 2020

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buzzykrueger · 3 years

Note

People seem to have a positive view of Killua leaving Gon for Alluka as if he’s some toxic thing to be abandoned. I mean, for Gon this must feel like affirmation that he’s not worth anyone tying themselves to him. Killua only ended up contributing to Gon feeling like a weak, unhealthy, weak, being unworthy of being around. I hate that they ended on that note. Any positive takes on their parting are only there because they separated in the first place. Gon got the short end of the stick regardless. Killua used him as a replacement for Alluka unknowingly and then fully replaced him once he remembered Alluka. Sorry for ppl hoping for any reconciliation between these two.

Oh anon, they didn’t end on that note, actually :/ they’ve ended feeling sad and unsatisfied but so far away from literally being negative towards each other that I really can’t see your opinion as anything but your feelings, which is totally valid

BUT

having your own conclusions and feelings, which is fine, and affirming that those were written for the story (killua using gon? separating being bad when it actually wasn’t? alluka replacing) when they were not are completely different things.

Gon might be feeling unworthy, yes, but not because Killua did that to him (Killua and Gon fully devoted to each other’s sake, this is undeniable) - he’s the one who feels responsible and needs to face the consequences. Killua might be shutting down his own feelings, yes, but not for replacement or hurting matters, quite the opposite actually and the story made that CLEAR. The fact that, in front of each other, they were smiling, giving affectionate words, almost surrendering to this very-true-affection and almost being unable to leave, indicates that they’re not blaming the other part, but themselves. It’s also likely that they hold unsatisfied expressions while facing their newfound goals as an indicative that both of them haven’t found happiness in this outcome, but had to do it.

And again, I’m not sayin’ they did it the right way - the separation could’ve been much more honest and light-hearted, you know, with more reassurance and affection? It hurts me that Killua bottled up so much out of fear and “acceptance” that he got “rejected” - but I don’t think they were straight hurting each other. They were visibly hating to split up, and due to some inner circumstances that we, as the audience, disagree (because we have information that they haven’t so for us it’s easy to point fingers), but that are understandable in terms of characters, they chose this outcome that could’ve been better. I agree with that. This doesn’t mean that it was a fully messed up separation, though.

And while both of them messed up, Killua shouldn’t be responsible for Gon’s reflection, he was always the one who analyzed things through while Gon just went ahead. And fair enough that Gon shouldn’t be responsible for Killua’s self-honesty and path to finding his own worth. That’s why they needed to split. Separating isn’t wrong if it’s to grow independent in order to love yourself and others properly.

I think this isn’t the first ask you’ve sent because of the way you write, but it isn’t wrong to believe or to disbelieve a reunion/reconciliation (?). They reuniting or not are both possible outcomes. There’s no way to be 100% sure of one of them. With all due respect, you’re grieving over details that might be your own feelings. I don’t think you owe anyone your sympathy, and we’re not in need of any as well lol. Everything is likely to happen. There’s no “acceptance” over a still ongoing story.

All of the things I’ve already answered in previous asks are ripped off from the scenes, I’m not making them up, y’know? I’ll won’t try to convince you if it’s not about the plot. Because our feelings, while being different, are both valid - and they are what they are: feelings. Not writing, not plot evidences, not Togashi’s feelings or characters feelings. But still valid and not arguable.

I also got SO sad, anon, when they separated. It truly broke my heart, and made me seek comfort in other people in the fandom. That’s okay, really! We have to feel things, but in a healthy way, and the same goes to expressing it okay? Please drop by again, and we’re here to help each other. And remember: the separation scene isn’t a fight, there’s no Gon vs. Killua when it comes to guilt, anywhere.

Edit: and if I sounded rude, sorry because it really wasn’t my intention. Let’s just open ourselves to feelings, to possibilities and to facts, separate them properly for our own sake. Otherwise we might get angry, depressed or defensive about things that are up to many interpretations. Frustrations are understandable, I had mine too. I HATE when people demonize Gon, and I hate when people cross the line between acknowledging Killua’s mistakes and demonizing him too - we don’t need to condemn and mischaracterize a character to protect another or to show we understand them, because they’re not mad at each other, so why should we be?

#ask

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kitty-cat-is-back · 4 years

Text

What Am I Doing with My Life? Chapter 2

Pairing: Sero Hanta x Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Holy moly guys! I know I said this is another post, but I am still in shock about how well recieved the first chapter was! Thank you so so much everyone! Now, I just want to say before anyone asks, I have no idea how long this will be. I’m basically just writing as I go, but I do know how I want it to end! Hopefully you guys will stick around til the end! Also, let me know if I should do a taglist for this! Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 1

Warnings: signs of depression, angst (I guess), a bit of cursing

‘How did I end up here?’

You sat stiffly at a wobbly table in the corner of the cafe, staring down at your lap intensely. Honestly, this just seemed like a dream. Or a nightmare. You hadn’t quite figured out which one it was yet. You hesitantly glanced up to see Hanta at the counter, chatting up the barista with his usual big smile. He hadn’t changed at all. Well… That wasn’t necessarily true. Actually, he had changed quite a lot. His once lanky body had filled out quite nicely with age, starting at the top with broad shoulders and going down to what you would assume was a muscled abdomen, or at least that was what the tight heather grey t-shirt was telling you. Your gaze traveled back up to his face, noticing his strong jawline and how well it complemented his features. You realize you might’ve been staring a bit too long when you notice him staring back at you, amusement in his eyes, and a cunning grin. Your eyes widen a bit before promptly looking back down at your lap, your face burning with embarrassment.

Hanta grabbed both of your drinks and came back to the table, taking the seat across from yours, “Here you go! A nice, tasty water,” he teased, “Are you sure you don’t want something else? I really don’t mind paying to get you something better,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

You cleared your throat and grabbed the water, “No, this is fine. Thank you though…” you replied softly, taking a quick drink in hopes it would smooth out all of your awkwardness.

Sero hummed in acknowledgment and kept his focus on you, “Well, anyways… How have you been? I don’t think anyone’s heard from you since graduation!”

‘Why is he being so nice to me?’

You adjusted uncomfortably in your seat and gave a small shrug of your shoulders, “Oh, y’know… I’ve been good. Moved here to go to school, got my masters in psych, and now I’m working as a therapist essentially.”

Hanta’s eyes lit up with interest, “Wow, really!? That’s so cool! You’re basically like a doctor! You were always pretty smart back then, so that actually shouldn’t surprise me all that much… Not to mention moving all the way to Chicago straight out of high school. That must’ve been a pretty tough challenge…”

‘He’s talking as if nothing happened…’

You laughed awkwardly, scratching your cheek in discomfort, “Well, I’m not a doctor! I think that’s offensive to actual doctors who did the extra schooling. I can’t prescribe any medication, but I do provide them with therapy and advice… And I guess the move was a little challenging, but after eight years I think I’m used to it. B-But enough about me! My life isn’t all that interesting, what about you?”

Hanta quirked an eyebrow, “Me? Well… I tried community college for a semester, but pretty quickly decided I wasn’t ready to take on four more years of schooling. So I dropped out and started job hunting. Had an office job for a while, but I wasn’t very happy doing that either. It wasn’t until one night when I was out with the squad that we all, drunkenly, of course, decided that we all hated our nine to fives and wanted to work for ourselves! So we made our own company! So now we get to work on our own time, make good money, and actually have fun doing it! Plus, we get to do cool things like going on a trip to Chicago with the excuse of it being ‘marketing research,’” he stated with air quotes.

‘His life sounds great, so why is he talking to me?’

“Wow, that takes a lot of guts, but at least it all turned out for the best. Finding happiness in life and job fulfillment is something a lot of people struggle with…” you noted, briefly pondering your own work-life balance, “But you said you’re on a business trip? For how long?”

“Yea, it’s for about two weeks. We wanted to make the most out of our vacation! But… We actually have to do a little bit of work. Katsuki would kill us if we didn’t!”

“...We?”

“Oh, yea! I came with Kaminari, which was probably a terrible idea in hindsight… Actually, I was just with him walking around the city and that’s when I saw you! I thought it was you that I walked past and I just had to be sure! Thank God it was you, otherwise, I would’ve just been a crazy person yelling in the streets,” he said with a cheery laugh.

“So… You just abandoned Kaminari.”

“...More or less, yes.”

‘How can he be so carefree?’

You couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. You couldn’t tell if it was from actual amusement or disbelief. You felt like you had been transported back to a time when you were… happy. You felt something you hadn’t felt in years and… you didn’t feel like you deserved to feel this.

Hanta could feel something uncertain left in the silence between you, “Speaking of this, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable by all this. That wasn’t my intention! I just happened to see you out in the street and my legs started moving to you before I even had a chance to think of what I was going to say if I got to you. I missed you, y’know?”

‘...what…?’

At those last words, your throat clenched and your eyes began to burn with tears. You’ve kept everything locked up so tightly all these years, not letting anything get to you. How was it that a few words were able to crack your walls? The shaky breath that you released along followed by a sniffle became an instant giveaway to your current state.

‘He missed me…?’

Hanta’s eyes practically bulged out of his head when he realized what was going on, “Oh shit, I’m so sorry! I’ve made you uncomfortable, haven’t I!? Fuck, I didn’t mean to make you upset…”

‘He missed me…’

You turned your face away from him and desperately started trying to cover up your blunder, “No, no! I’m fine! Don’t apologize! I um… There must be a cold breeze that’s blowing on me. Yea, the air is just making my eyes water… I’m n-not crying! I-” you paused when you felt a warm hand placed on top of your own. Your head snapped back and met Hanta’s eyes, shocked to find a loving and gentle look in them.

“Y/N… What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t hold back anymore. Tears streamed down your cheeks for the first time in years. When was the last time you cried? You don’t even think you could remember. You choked back a sob and lowered your head.

‘Everything.’

“Nothing,” you started.

Hanta squeezed your hand while gently caressing his thumb over the top of it, “Don’t act like I don’t know you. We might have gotten older, but you’re still exactly as I remember you. Bottling everything up until you burst. If this is about back then, I’m just going to set the record straight and tell you outright that I don’t care. That’s in the past and I wouldn’t have chased after you today if I was mad at you. Please… Just talk to me.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as you tried to get yourself under control, but it was no use. Hanta had made a large crack in your wall and you couldn’t patch it up. You weren’t ready to bring that up just yet, but you knew he wouldn’t just let this slide. You had to come up with something…

You shook your head, “No… It’s just-” you paused and swallowed thickly, “It’s… my apartment.”

Hanta narrowed his eyes, searching for any trace of lies, “...Your apartment?”

You nodded and sniffled, using your free hand to wipe away some of your tears, “Uh-huh… It’s um… There’s no light in my apartment. I have windows, but they face a brick wall of another building. Every morning I wake up in a dark apartment and just stare at the brick wall, hoping one day it’ll just turn into a nice backyard in the suburbs, like back at home. Most mornings, I don’t even want to get out of bed, knowing that even when I leave my apartment, it’s still dark outside. I thought when I moved here every day would be a fun adventure in the big city. But… Even when the sun is shining, it still feels… dark,” you finish, realizing even despite yourself, you still opened up. Just maybe not in the way he wanted.

Hanta stayed silent for a moment, processing everything you had said. It seemed real to him, but he knew there was so much more wrong than just where you lived, “Do you even want to live here anymore?”

“It was always my dream to live in a big city…”

“Well, what’s your dream now?”

You didn’t answer.

Hanta nodded, knowing that’s all he was going to be able to get out of you for now, “So… Your apartment, huh? Well, let’s go check it out! I’ve always wanted to see what a lavish big city apartment looks like anyways!”

Your head snapped back towards him, “Wait, what? No, Hanta, I don’t think that-”

“Besides, I consider myself to be a gentleman. If something is distressing you, I have to try and fix it, right? I think that’s written in the gentlemen’s code, right?” he retorted quickly, not giving you the chance to tell him no. He had a newfound mission and he only had two weeks to do it. He stood with conviction and pulled you up by the hand he was still holding, “Well, lead the way!”

‘Not again…’

#hanta sero x reader #sero x reader #sero hanta x reader #hanta x reader #mha sero #mha #bnha #sero #bnha fanfiction #sero hanta #bnha imagines

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gallickingun · 4 years

Text

gallick’s blog writing rules

Hey guys, gallick here! As I expand my writing parameters, I thought it would be good to make a rules post. I ask that you please read this prior to requesting, because it has my preferences, request status, and content info included.

Please be aware: I reserve the right to delete any and ALL requests/asks that do not conform to my rules.

My inbox is always open for thirsting [defined below], questions, conversation, venting, and advice. See the remaining rules below the cut ―

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

【CONTENT INDEX】

what is a... ✰ 『thirst』this is usually when you send in your thoughts on a certain character in a certain situation. My responses can be anything from a jumbled up paragraph to a full on thirst drabble (~250-500 words), depending on whether I’m on mobile vs. desktop, as well as if I jive with your thirst. That being said, don’t ever feel ashamed of the thirst that you want to send in! Even if it’s not my thing, as long as it’s not on my no-no list [see below], I’ll at least post it with some sort of response! See examples of thirst «here», «here», «here», and «here». Thirst can sometimes turn into full on fics depending on how I feel about it!

✰ 『drabble』this is a “fic” that is generally more in depth than a thirst, but not as plot-driven as a full on one shot or fic. I usually keep drabbles between 500-2,000 words. They are normally given their own post instead of replying to the ask itself, but I will respond to the ask with a link to the drabble once I’ve posted it.

✰ 『fic』this is usually a one-shot piece, which means it is a stand-alone fanfiction work. These are at least 2,000 words in length, and I do not put a limit on them as I have no self-control and will write huge fics with no regard to my personal sanity. These will always be posted as their own text post, and will more than likely be {sporadically} uploaded to my ao3 account as well. If the fic is inspired by an ask, I will answer the ask with a link to the fic once I’ve posted it.

✰ 『multi-chap fic』this is usually a piece that spans at minimum two parts, connected via the plotline that runs consistently through them both. As of now, I do not have any multi-chapter works, but I do have a couple planned for the future! These will always be posted as their own text post, with links to the prior part as well as the future part, once it has been posted.

【WRITING RULES】

✰ All characters are aged up to at least 20 years of age no matter whether the situation is sfw or nsfw. The only times I will write “high school” types of works will be in flashbacks, not full length fics. I always try to explicitly state within the work that they are of age - whether that’s referring to them a Pro Heroes (BNHA), Pro Athletes (Haikyuu!!), etc. If I ever discuss “dorms”, I am always talking about college dorms/apartments.

✰ This is my blog, and therefore I get to choose what I do and do not want to write. I apologize if that means I have glossed over your request, but I cannot force myself into writing something I do not feel like I can do, because then it’s not genuine and even though it gets the content out, it’s not content I’d be proud of.

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【DO’S AND DON’T’S】

『 My writing is usually male character x female reader, unless specified otherwise. I do accept female character requests, though. As I do try to keep my appearances of reader relatively neutral, I know that is not always the case. I am constantly trying to learn and evolve my writing, but reader content can be difficult to nail down with all the scenarios that I’m writing or requested to write, given that they are very specific in nature. Please be kind and constructive if you choose to criticize, but criticism is always welcome. 』

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― The CHARACTERS I prefer, and who will get priority over others are... My Hero Academia ✰ Bakugou Katsuki ✰ Kirishima Eijirou ✰ Tamaki Amajiki ✰ Todoroki Shouto Haikyuu!! ✰ Sugawara Koushi ✰ Bokuto Koutaro ✰ Kuroo Tetsurou ✰ Oikawa Tooru ✰ Sawamura Daichi ✰ Kageyama Tobio Dragon Ball ✰ Vegeta ✰ Piccolo ✰ Gohan ✰ Trunks

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― Writing Tags ✰ #character x reader ✰ #character smut ✰ #character thirst ✰ #OC: Belle Marie Sinclair - (Bakugou OC) ✰ #OC: Lilith - (Kirishima OC) ― Trigger Warning Tags ✰ #tw: dubcon ✰ #tw: noncon ✰ #tw: suicide ✰ #tw: self harm ✰ #tw: degredation ― Personal Tags ✰ #morgan.txt - my original text posts ✰ #morgan-gets-mail - answered asks ✰ #morgan-has-friends - mutuals interactions ✰ #morgan-does-commissions - commission-related posts ✰ #morgan-has-a-patreon - Patreon-related posts ✰ #morgan-says-read-it - Fic recs ✰ #morgan-says-look-at-it - Art recs ✰ #morgan-says-listen - Audio recs

【FINAL THOUGHTS】

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This is all subject to change, hence the read more.

#gallickingun #bnha x reader #haikyuu x reader #dragon ball x reader #my hero academia x reader #blog rules #mod post

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ibijau · 4 years

Text

Worst engagement AU // on AO3

Nie Huaisang goes home, tries to deal with missing his friends, and gets a visitor

Nie Huaisang’s last month in the Cloud Recesses passes so fast that he hardly has time to register it.

Much against his will, he gets roped into joining Jiang Cheng’s study sessions. Those turn out to be rather intense, and Jiang Cheng might be a more severe teacher than even old Lan Qiren. It pays off though, because everyone passes their exams with flying colours. Even Nie Huaisang ends up with a pretty decent grade, in spite of his refusal to put any effort into this.

Lan Qiren congratulates him on actually putting some work into this at last, in answer to which Nie Huaisang just laughs to his face, too stunned to even get angry. He is still in a daze when he leaves the teacher’s office with his diploma in hand. He had honestly prepared himself to have failed again and he wouldn’t even have cared, but apparently he had underestimated Jiang Cheng’s determination to see everyone succeed.

“Come on, try to at least look a little happy!” Jiang Cheng scolds him later, when they all get to the Jiang cabin to celebrate. “What, did you want to stay here another year with Lan Xichen?”

Nie Huaisang scoffs and shoves him away before stuffing a handful of dried nuts in his mouth, pointedly refusing to answer such a stupid question.

He hasn’t seen a lot of Lan Xichen this last month. They’ve both been pretty busy, and Lan Qiren cancelled their last two compulsory meetings to give Nie Huaisang a better chance to study. But what little time they spent together has been… not so bad. They’ve managed to chat a little when they met in passing, and the meetings they did have were… fine. The first one was spent painting together, with Lan Xichen still exquisitely awful at Nie Huaisang’s style. The second they played Go and Nie Huaisang won, though it was a very close score. Both times, they actually ended up staying together after the incense stick had finished burning. It’s not even that Nie Huaisang hadn’t noticed. He was just having enough fun to allow it, just that time. And then again the time after.

It’s not that Nie Huaisang likes Lan Xichen any better than before. It’s not even that he’s stopped hating him. But what’s fun is fun, and to his surprise… Lan Xichen, on occasion, can be rather fun.

Nowhere near as fun as Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan, of course. The two of them make Nie Huaisang promise that he'll write to them and come visit. He extracts the same promise from them, and even gets them to grudgingly agree they might tolerate some overlap in their visits, if he so badly wants to have them around at the same time.

More surprisingly, Lan Wangji also comes knocking on the last day Nie Huaisang spends in the Cloud Recesses. He too offers a correspondence, which Nie Huaisang readily accepts. He doesn't say, but he's already plotting to invite Lan Wangji to Qinghe, and perhaps by some planning on error on his part, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian will be there at the same time.

More surprising, Lan Xichen also comes visiting a few hours after his brother. For a moment Nie Huaisang half wonders if he too will ask if they can write to each other. In the end he doesn't, choosing instead to say a few empty words about being proud of his fiancé's well deserved success. Nie Huaisang, who is not disappointed by this, ends up sending him away so he can finish packing.

Being home again is the best.

Nie Huaisang's first week back in the Unclean Realm is, without a doubt, the happiest time of his life. He tells Nie Mingjue everything he's done while he was away (everything he can share, anyway). He visits all his favourite spots in the Unclean Realm, in Qinghe, and in the countryside around. He checks on his surviving birds and dotes on them. He sleeps in as late as he can, and refuses to do anything even slightly useful. It's paradise.

By the second week, paradise loses some of its glow and boredom settles in. Doing nothing at all is only fun for a short while. More importantly, Nie Huaisang soon finds himself kind of lonely. Now that he's had friends, the company of his birds doesn't quite satisfy him the way it used to. His myna can speak a few sentences, but that's just not the same as chatting with Jiang Cheng or arguing with Jin Zixuan. Nie Mingue is there, but he's far too busy, as are most of the disciples. Nie Fangjie rose in rank after his time in Gusu and is rarely free, while He Zimu had to go home to meet the fiancée his parents picked for him.

Nie Huaisang writes to all his friends, but it'll be a long while before he gets an answer, and that depresses him further. He doesn't quite fall back to the sort of moods he was in during his first year in the Cloud Recesses, but it's not so far off either.

The difference is that this time, Nie Mingjue notices.

It's a right pain in the ass at first, because Nie Huaisang wants to wallow in his misery while his brother is determined to drag him out of it, even kicking and screaming. It sparks quite a few arguments between them, which is rather new. Nie Huaisang never really had the guts to argue with his brother before. Nie Mingjue doesn't seem to mind, anyway. If anything, he seems pretty happy to find that his little brother won't let himself be pushed around so easily.

By the end of Nie Huaisang's first month back at home, they've reached a balance of sorts. Nie Huaisang has to train daily, both with the sabre and in hand-to-hand combat since he definitely still enjoys that. He also has to learn how to help Nie Mingjue deal with sect business, which is even more boring than the lectures in the Cloud Recesses, but gives them a decent excuse to spend time together. Nie Mingjue doesn't say, but Nie Huaisang suspects it's also a way to prepare him for the role that will be his in the future. Qingheng-Jun is a healthy man with many years ahead of him, but someday Lan Xichen will have to succeed him and Nie Huaisang will have to step up and help him.

With all this piling up, when Nie Huaisang does get a bit of freedom, he rarely mopes around. There are too many things to paint, too many fans to decorate, and his birds to train, and that shop in Qinghe he wants to visit, or that new book of poetry he found in the library.

Which isn't to say there are no bad days anymore. Some mornings it's a struggle just to get out of bed. Nie Mingjue doesn't get it, even if he tries, and seems to think that on those days Nie Huaisang needs to be kept even busier than usual to push away any bad thoughts. After it happens once or twice, Nie Huaisang gives up on explaining why that doesn't work. Instead, when a bad mood strikes, he just hides. It's easy enough, in a place like the Unclean Realm.

The best place to hang out undisturbed, Nie Huaisang figures out, is a little alcove hidden behind the throne room where his brother conducts his meetings. Nobody ever goes in there, and he's half sure nobody even remembers it exists. He's done some research, and it was built alongside the main room so the sect leader's wives could listen in on important business without being seen by guests. It's not very big, but it's comfortable enough that he can lounge around and paint, or read, or just listen to his brother's increasing frustration over not finding him. It also means that if something really does require his presence, he can know and appear quickly at his brother's side.

It's Nie Huaisang’s second favourite place in the Unclean Realm, right after the place where he keeps his birds.

It's a little under two months after returning home that Nie Huaisang, hiding in his alcove and slowly recovering from a bout of depression by snickering over some very bad poetry, is startled to hear a familiar voice conversing with his brother.

"I'm really sorry for dropping by unannounced," Lan Xichen is saying. "I apologise for the inconvenience. But since I was in the area, I thought it'd be ridiculous not to say hi."

Even perfectly hidden as he is, Nie Huaisang can't help but tense. This is the first time he's anywhere near Lan Xichen since graduating a few weeks ago. He's not nervous, of course he's not, but he's also. He's not quite comfortable.

"Well, you know I'm always happy to see you," Nie Mingjue replies. "I'm a little busy right now, but if you don't mind waiting…"

"Actually…"

There is a moment of silence. Nie Huaisang is tempted to check what's happening through one of the small openings that exist for that exact purpose, but before he gets to that, Lan Xichen speaks again.

"Actually, and I hope you won't mind," he says, sounding oddly uncertain, "but the person I was most hoping to see is your brother. I'll be happy to chat with you as well of course, but if he allows it I'd like to spend time with him first."

Nie Huaisang feels punched, but in the main room, his brother just laughs.

"What, you didn't get enough of that brat last year? After how much you complained that he doesn't like you, I'd have thought you'd be glad not to see him until the wedding."

"Mingjue, don't tease me."

"Why not? I don't get the chance often. Oh, fine, I won't. I will survive this betrayal of seeing my brother's company preferred over mine, so go chat with him if you like. You'll have to find him first, though. He's gotten a little too good at hiding."

"Then with your permission, I'll look for him. I'm sure he'll let himself be found if he wishes to be, and otherwise… I'll just wait for you to be free."

Lan Xichen sounds so resigned, as if he dares not hope for the first option but the second would make him sad.

It's just so awkward to hear him be like this. Nie Huaisang almost miss the days when Lan Xichen was nothing but cold and insufferable. It made it easy to hate him, and at least Nie Huaisang knew where they stood. Now though… he just doesn't know what to make of his fiancé anymore. He's starting to wonder if maybe Lan Xichen wasn't sincere every time he's said that he wants them to get along, when he promised to improve and that's absolutely awful. It makes everything too complicated.

So Nie Huaisang discreetly escapes, and takes hidden paths to go be with his birds. It's not as good of a hiding place, but their company always calms him down, which he badly needs. Luckily it's even cleaning day, so that's a good hour of hard, gruesome work to distract him from the perspective of maybe facing his fiancé later.

There's only a few birds left, which still takes Nie Huaisang by surprise every time even though he should be used to it now. That incident really decimated them, and he can't even get new ones. In little more than a year, two at most, he'll have to leave them behind for good, so it'd be pointless. Usually it doesn’t bother him too much, but on a day where his mood is already so near to collapsing... As he cleans the cages and checks on food and water, Nie Huaisang finds himself focusing on that future loss. If he thinks of everything that he'll leave behind, he can make himself hate Lan Xichen again, almost, and he’s in a bad enough state that feeling hatred is better than not feeling anything at all.

"Good afternoon, Nie gongzi."

Nie Huaisang startles at the sudden appearance of Lan Xichen in this private space, and nearly drops the seeds he was carrying for his pair of parakeets. He quickly recovers though, and bows to his visitor.

"Lan gongzi, what a surprise! I had no idea you were coming to the Unclean Realm. If you're looking for my brother, you might want to try the training grounds."

"I've seen your brother already, and told him you were the one I was visiting this time," Lan Xichen explains. Even though Nie Huaisang already knew that, it sends his heart racing to hear it said so calmly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "Mingjue was not sure where you might be," Lan Xichen continues, "so he allowed me to look for you while he handles other business. This seemed like a good place to start, and I was right."

His heart still beating too hard in embarrassment, Nie Huaisang turns around, ostensibly so he can continue feeding his birds.

"Lan gongzi must find me very childish, still so obsessed with my pets."

Lan Xichen does not reply right away. Nie Huaisang hates how careful he has become, just as much as he is grateful for it.

"If I have accused you of this, and for that reason, I'm sorry," he says at last, sounding painfully earnest. "It was wrong of me. From what your brother says, you are very diligent at caring for your birds and except when forced to go away, you always take full responsibility for them. There's nothing childish about that."

Nie Huaisang's heart squeezes at the words, so painfully he almost feels like he's dying. He hates this. He misses the days when he could just tell himself it was all fake, that Lan Xichen was either forcing himself or subtly insulting him.

"You're always trying so hard to say the right thing," Nie Huaisang accuses, with far less venom than he intended.

"I hope I can do the right thing as well. Just saying it doesn't do much good."

Nie Huaisang sighs. This is annoying. He hates that his heart beats so fast, he hates that his cheeks feel warmer, he hates that he desperately wants Lan Xichen to be sincere. He hates that he's certain Lan Xichen is sincere.

"Listen, just… give me a moment to finish this," he mutters. "Then we can go back and have tea or something. We have actual, nice biscuits here. They even taste sweet, if you can believe that."

Behind him, Lan Xichen chuckles lightly. It's not an unpleasant sound, as Nie Huaisang has discovered during his last few weeks in Gusu.

"If you tell me what to do, I can try to help you," Lan Xichen offers. "Though I'll understand if you'd rather I didn't."

"You'll get messy."

Another soft chuckle, making Nie Huaisang’s heart beat too hard. It's stupid, and he hates that like he hates all the rest, but he likes that Lan Xichen stopped trying to be controlled and perfect with him. He likes it too much. He hates it.

"I can survive a little mess."

"Then grab that bucket and bring it near that big cage."

"The one with the myna?"

"Hm."

Nie Huaisang hates that Lan Xichen apparently knows a little about birds. He hates that Lan Xichen doesn't complain as he grabs that bucket filled with filth and carries it as if it weighs nothing. He hates that Lan Xichen smiles at the bird inside and comments how pretty it is. Nie Huaisang hates Lan Xichen because that's what he's done for so long now, and he's not ready yet to face the new warmth in his chest when he looks at the other boy.

He hates everything today, and wishes Lan Xichen had chosen another day to visit, one where Nie Huaisang is capable of feeling emotions in a normal way so he could try to sort this out in a rational way.

When the birds’ cages are spotless and they all have clean water and fresh food, Nie Huaisang has no choice but to suggest it’s time to return toward the main buildings. Lan Xichen readily agrees and they start walking side by side. It doesn’t take long for something to bother Nie Huaisang, partly because it’s that sort of a day where everything is annoying, but also because a certain detail is becoming hard to ignore.

“How come your clothes are still spotless when mine are filthy?” he complains.

“I must have been more careful,” Lan Xichen replies with a small smile.

“You were not,” Nie Huaisang accuses. “I saw you step in several puddles of dirty water. Your robes have no right to still be this white!”

Lan Xichen chuckles, but says nothing.

“I’m going to have to get changed,” Nie Huaisang laments, annoyed that he is actually upset by that idea. “I mean, I wasn’t planning on having a guest today, so I wasn’t exactly well dressed to begin with. I just wanted something comfortable. But now seeing the two of us together, we look like a great lord and a peasant!”

“Nie gongzi is too handsome to be a peasant.”

Hearing this unexpected compliment, Nie Huaisang stumbles and almost falls face first on the ground, only for Lan Xichen to catch him just in time.

“This is… you’re just trying to distract me from your clean robes!” Nie Huaisang sputters, escaping his fiancé’s grasp so quickly that he almost falls again. “I demand to know how you did that!”

“It’s a Gusu Lan secret,” Lan Xichen retorts, smug enough that it almost feels like teasing. “In due time, I will share it with you, but at the moment, it’s impossible.”

“But there is a trick.”

“Obviously. Can you imagine how many servants we’d have to hire for laundry otherwise? We make children wear white, and people going on Night Hunts as well. Of course there’s a trick.”

It might be the way Lan Xichen says it, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, or the sheer ridicule of imagining Lan disciples in stained robes, but Nie Huaisang finds himself laughing. It's never easy to get that on days like this one, and he’s suddenly glad that Lan Xichen came. His fiancé is proving a more efficient distraction than what he’s tried so far.

When they reach the more frequented areas of the Unclean Realm, Nie Huaisang catches a servant and asks for tea to be served in his room. He then takes Lan Xichen there, inviting the older boy to find somewhere to sit. At first Lan Xichen appears torn between amused and mildly horrified by the mess (Nie Huaisang wasn’t expecting guests, and Nie Mingjue gave up on that particular fight years ago) before gaping in shock when Nie Huaisang removes his outer robe in the middle of the room and throws it in a corner for the servant to pick up later.

“Nie gongzi, are you really getting changed?” he asks, sounding so worried that Nie Huaisang can’t help laughing again.

“Lan gongzi, I’m covered in bird poop and mud, of course I’m getting changed. Ah! Don’t worry, I won’t remove the rest in front of you,” Nie Huaisang adds when Lan Xichen looks like he’s about to have an attack. He motions at a modesty screen. “I’m just removing my shoes and grabbing something clean to put on and then… I’ll try to be quick.”

“Wouldn’t you rather I leave the room?” Lan Xichen protests in a strangled voice, his face completely red.

“No need, that’s what the screen is for, and I’m not bothered. Just sit down, grab a book, and wait for me.”

Without paying his fiancé any more attention, Nie Huaisang selects some nicer robes and clean under layers. Once he starts undressing, he realises that he is dirtier than he initially thought, and is forced to give a quick wash with some water and a towel so he doesn’t ruin his clean clothes.

“I thought you were just getting changed?” Lan Xichen notes when he hears water being poured from its jug into a basin.

“The situation is worse than I thought. Cleaning is dirty business.”

Lan Xichen chuckles at that. “I’ll need to wash my hands as well, come to think of it.”

“Well, you can join me if you’d like. I’m mostly decent, if you’re loose enough on your definition of the word.”

“And what’s your definition?” Lan Xichen asks in a voice dripping with suspicion.

“I’ve got trousers on.”

A moment of silence follows this.

“I think I’ll wait until you’re done,” Lan Xichen says after a moment, and Nie Huaisang grins to himself imagining how uncomfortable his ever proper fiancé must look.

Still, it’d be rude to keep Lan Xichen waiting, and Nie Huaisang’s mood has improved enough that he doesn’t want that. He washes quickly, and gets dressed as fast as he can. His hair, as messy as the rest, is dealt with by tying it into a quick braid. It’s not the most refined he’s ever looked, but it’s not the worst either. When he emerges from behind the modesty screen, Lan Xichen stares at him with an odd expression, his cheeks dusted with red and his lips slightly open.

“Nie gongzi… this suits you well,” he mumbles, averting his gaze.

“Trying too hard again,” Nie Huaisang teases. “Go wash your hands, the tea should be here soon.”

Lan Xichen nods and gets up from the table. He takes a few steps toward the screen, then stops himself and looks for something inside his sleeve before handing it to Nie Huaisang.

“A letter?”

“Since Wangji knew I would be in the area, he asked me to give you this.”

Fidgeting with the piece of paper, Nie Huaisang feels something shifting inside him, as if the good humour he only just got back were already melting away.

“Well, that’s nice,” he stills says. “Do you mind if I start reading it?”

“Not at all.”

And so while Lan Xichen washes his hands, Nie Huaisang gets reading. It’s a short letter, clearly just written because the occasion was there (Nie Huaisang only answered Lan Wangji’s latest missive a few days ago, it wouldn’t have reached Gusu yet). Most of it is about the rabbits, though Lan Wangji notes that they are preparing for the next batch of guest disciples to arrive and he’s hoping they’ll be a quieter bunch this year. It’s only an innocent comment, but reading it makes Nie Huaisang ache for the company of his friends in a way he thought he’d learned to manage. It was so much fun to be all together in the Cloud Recesses, completely carefree. If he had known that he’d have to start behaving more grown-up upon getting home, Nie Huaisang would have gotten up to far more mischief, and he would have tried to enjoy his fun even more.

Just as Lan Xichen is done tidying himself, servants come in with the tea and some very fancy biscuits. Nie Huaisang gave specific orders regarding what’s to be served, amused at that moment by the idea of forcing his fiancé to enjoy something once in a while. It doesn’t seem so funny anymore, not even when Lan Xichen is looking at the biscuits with a mix of gluttony and worry.

It must show that Nie Huaisang’s mood is vacillating. When he’s done pouring tea for both of them, Lan Xichen has stopped staring at the treats and shoots him a concerned look instead.

"I hope the letter did not contain bad news?"

"No, it did not. I'm just distracted."

Lan Xichen sips on his tea and hesitantly picks up a biscuit, but does not eat it.

"Speaking of letters… I have to admit I envy my brother," he says in that cold, careful voice that still annoys Nie Huaisang with how controlled it sounds.

"How so?"

"When Wangji told me you agreed to a correspondence with him, I wanted to obtain the same from you," Lan Xichen admits, distractedly playing with his biscuit. "I even went to see you to ask for it, but in the end I wasn't sure if I should, so I said nothing. I didn't want to overstep some boundary."

Nie Huaisang thinks back on Lan Xichen's brief visit on the last day. He'd been disappointed when his fiancé didn't have anything to say to him that time. He doesn't exactly miss their excruciating weekly meetings but they were still part of what was clearly the best year of his life, and maybe he wouldn't have hated keeping in touch.

"You can always ask me now," Nie Huaisang offers. "We'll see what I answer."

"Very well. Nie gongzi, would you be willing to exchange letters with me?"

Nie Huaisang, to his own surprise, doesn't even hesitate.

"I'd like that, yes."

The smile that breaks onto Lan Xichen's face is nothing short of radiant. It's unfair, really, how gorgeous he gets when he's genuinely happy, and Nie Huaisang doesn't know how he feels about being the reason for that happiness. He doesn’t hate it, he supposes. He doesn’t hate Lan Xichen in general, in fact. It’s an odd thing to realise.

Nie Huaisang picks up a biscuit and bites into it, hoping to encourage his fiancé to stop being stupid and have a little fun. It works. Lan Xichen gives in and nibbles at his own biscuit. His eyes widen slightly as the flavour hits his tongue, and in a moment he devours the rest of it. Nie Huaisang snorts, more endeared than he’d prefer.

“So, do you want to talk about something?” Nie Huaisang asks, refusing to linger on the thought that his fiancé can be a little cute at times.

“Yes, actually. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but never found the right occasion yet,” Lan Xichen announces. “I would like to suggest some arrangements for when we are married.”

Nie Huaisang freezes and stares at him. As a rule, they don’t talk about their future marriage. They never have, except sometimes when arguing. Even in a good mood, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t want to breach that subject, so today, when he’s fighting the need to go hide until everything stop being so much…

“I don’t think I want to talk about that,” he replies, toying with his half eaten biscuit. “Lan gongzi, I don’t believe there’s much to be said on that topic.”

“On the contrary, I have plenty to tell you,” Lan Xichen insists. “I think it would please you to…”

“Not today,” Nie Huaisang cuts him. “I’m having the sort of day where nothing could please me, and quite frankly, that topic… it’s not something I want to think about at all. Can’t we chat about something less distressing?”

Lan Xichen frowns at that reaction. Nie Huaisang braces himself for his fiancé to insist, perhaps even for an argument to happen if Lan Xichen decides he’s tired of being nice without getting anything in return. Neither things happen.

“Of course I won’t force you to speak of this if you don’t want to,” Lan Xichen says with surprising gentleness. “I do believe we should discuss it while we have time, but if you’re unwell today, then the time isn’t right for it. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Not unless you can magically change my mood,” Nie Huaisang scoffs, uncertain how to react to kindness when he hasn’t prepared for it.

“I could try to do that,” Lan Xichen offers, startling him. “Or something to that effect. There are a few Lan songs that can calm an unquiet mind. I could play one for you, if you’d like.”

Nie Huaisang drops his biscuit on the table.

“I thought the Lan songs were just used for battle?”

Laughing softly, Lan Xichen shakes his head. “Those would be the one most people know about, but we have many other sorts. To calm the mind, to help the body heal, to improve the quality of meditation… we’re a musical sect, and we take that very seriously. Even now, some members of the sect still try to come up with new techniques.”

“I had no idea,” Nie Huaisang admits. “I didn’t really try to learn about Gusu Lan, aside from all your stupid rules.”

“Don’t worry, you’re not alone in that. Ask any cultivator what Gusu Lan does, they will tell you that we invent rules faster than the flowers bloom in spring, and that we’re deadly with a guqin. We’re more than that, though, just as Qinghe Nie is more than brute force and sabres.”

“Uh. Guess I’m learning a lot about your sect today,” Nie Huaisang muses. “Secrets to keep your robes clean, and healing songs… Lan gongzi, your people are more surprising than I’d have thought.”

"I'm glad if you feel that way," Lan Xichen replies, his smile warm and soft. "I hope you'll want to continue learning more about us. For now though, would you let me play for you?"

Nie Huaisang shrugs, and nods. If this works, his mood will be improved. If it doesn't… Lan Xichen is a skilled musician, so he'll have that pleasure if nothing else.

It takes a little more preparation than Nie Huaisang would have expected to hear a Lan healing song. He can’t help a slight grimace when Lan Xichen explains he’ll have to get into a meditative state, never an easy feat for him, but apparently the melody itself is meant to help with that. Nie Huaisang grumbles and mutters and struggles to find a comfortable position on his sitting mat, but once he’s somewhat settled, Lan Xichen starts playing on his xiao.

At first, Nie Huaisang is certain this won’t work. His brain is still jumping from one thought to the other, aching with the way he misses his friends, and how he can’t seem to enjoy being home even when he should enjoy it while it lasts because soon, in some months now, even if there’s no clear date yet…

But as the melody goes on, Nie Huaisang finds that it envelopes his thoughts and pacifies them. The fears and worries are still there, but their sharp edges which were hurting him are rounded off by the music, making them less distressing.

When the last note drops, Nie Huaisang takes a moment before opening his eyes, enjoying the peaceful feeling inside his heart. It had been a while since he felt this calm. In fact, he’s not sure he’s felt like that before, not since his mother's death.

“That’s a very efficient song,” he sighs when he finally opens his eyes, slow and deliberate. “Thank you, Lan gongzi.”

“It’s my pleasure. Did it help?”

Nie Huaisang nods. He feels oddly light, in a very pleasant way. “Lan gongzi, you’ll have to play it again for me next time we meet.”

Lan Xichen laughs softly, his eyes crinkling with joy. He really is handsome like this, and Nie Huaisang finds himself smiling at his fiancé. If Lan Xichen asked again to talk about their future marriage, Nie Huaisang would agree because for the very first time, the idea doesn’t fill him with dread. There are worse people to marry out there, and Nie Huaisang is starting to feel he might be as lucky as people have told him he was, all those years.

But Lan Xichen doesn’t bring up that subject again. Instead they end up chatting about Lan Wangji’s bunnies, and how much he dotes on them, which in turns makes them talk about the younger boy’s crush on Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang is just starting to share his cunning plan to bring both of them to Qinghe when there’s a knock on the door. Before Nie Huaisang can invite the person in, Nie Mingjue barges inside the room and unceremoniously comes to sit next to his brother.

“Very rude of you both to have tea and not invite me,” he comments, snatching a handful of biscuits and shoving them in his mouth.

“Gross!” Nie Huaisang gasps, wishing he had a fan to hit his brother with. He has to slap him with his hand instead, which is a lot less refined. “If you’re not invited, then why are you still here?”

“I can’t let my brat of a brother try to steal my friend,” Nie Mingjue retorts. “Besides, you always have the best biscuits when you’re having tea. How come I can never get them when I ask for them?”

“Because I hide them from you, having paid for them with my own money,” Nie Huaisang retorts, grabbing the plate and holding it out of reach when his brother tries to grab a few more. “Don’t! They’re not for you! Lan gongzi, help!”

Of course Nie Mingjue, being the tall, long limbed monster that he is, can almost grasp the plate even when his brother is trying his hardest to keep his precious biscuits out of reach. They are both stunned and nearly lose their balance when Lan Xichen snatches the plate away from Nie Huaisang’s hands, looking a little lost about what his next move should be.

“Run with them!” Nie Mingjue enthusiastically orders. “We can share them!”

Lan Xichen’s eyes jump between the two brothers a few times before he shakes his head.

“He said he paid for them,” he softly protests. “If you want some, ask him nicely.”

Nie Mingjue gasps at that betrayal while Nie Huaisang, after the first moment of shock, starts laughing so hard he can hardly breathe.

“Xichen, you turn against me like this?” Nie Mingjue complains. “Aren’t we friends?”

His tone is so falsely pathetic that Lan Xichen chuckles and grins.

“We’re friends, but he’s my fiancé. I’ve got to take his side when it's needed, don’t I?”

Nie Huaisang’s laughter dies in his throat, stunned for a moment by that simple declaration, the way Lan Xichen says it as if it’s the most evident thing ever. Something shifts inside his chest, something big, something so soft it is nearly agonising.

The moment passes quickly because Nie Mingjue, not one to accept betrayal so easily, turns against Lan Xichen and tries to steal the biscuits from him instead. This in turn forces Nie Huaisang to team up with his fiancé so they can protect the precious sweets from being eaten in an uncouth manner. All three of them laugh when, after some struggling and a movement too quick, the biscuits end up falling on the floor. Nie Huaisang pretends to be heartbroken until the other two both promise they’ll buy him new ones, at which point he just joins them again in laughing.

He’d never thought the three of them would ever have fun like this someday, but he’s glad to have been proven wrong.

#xisang #worst engagement au #jau writes #this one got a little long oops #but it's soft? I think? There's softness and there's progress and those dumb boys are going to get somewhere someday??#mdzs

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skeetlehand · 3 years

Text

HI!!!!! I have been tagged™™™™ by @gheysnakelady and so here are my Hot Opinions!! :D

who is your favourite member on the smp?

I mean, i have SEVERAL faves: awesamdude, eret, wilbur (rip), techno and phil - I’ll watch sometimes, tubbo and tommy, but if you’re going by who I watch th

when did you first start watching the smp and what made you get into it?

Oh, it was thanks to the sudden influx of dream smp animatics all over my youtube home page - and tbh, they were all pretty good! and so, i was like: ???!!! and started watching and now i religiously check the dsmp tag for plot updates so i guess that’s where we’re at rn… haha…

what is your favourite part about watching the smp?

Just watching these creators make these amazing stories+narrative - it’s free tv! i am entertained! even just watching them interact, this large community of a variety of streamers/youtubers, in the most diverse topics (not all of them are really minecraft-centered, but they are all great!). The idea of showcasing underrated creators in a platform where they all have the opporunity to shine, is just a wholesome idea tbh

what piece of cursed lore is your favourite?

…………. the toe………….

who is your favourite duo on the smp?

Miss the ol’ tubbo n tommy dynamic! But i do enjoy techno and ranboo - they’re hilarious, too.

… Niki and Jack give me Stress… i try to think about them like: team rocket! it works! almost! i try not to think about them murdering children on purpose and more like a little evil duo who cause problems and miss. please-

who are your comfort streamers?

I like to watch awesamdude (he’s great!!! <3) bbh and tubbo, when I want some nice times where I might play minecraft myself... or just relax

who is your favourite character?

mexican dream, no sweat. tubbo and tommy tie for second second place, and back when elections were a thing, so was Big Q (he still is! he says the most brutal things these days but also ,,,, stream me dude pleas-).

who do you think is the best actor (s) on the smp?

A LOT OF PEOPLE OKAY LET ME ELABORATE ON A FEW:

- schlatt. evil president. wilbur. chekov’s gun but tragic. do i need to say more.

- bad is actually really good! and terrifying! surprisingly! because he’s.,,. he’s supposed to be one of my comfort streamers.... you should check out his eggpire!!! egg for the egg god

- tommy is good at subtleties, for someone who isn’t very... subtle... yknow? I was surprised by the AMOUNT of detail that went into the exile arc - and he played it adequately

who on the smp would you like to be best friends with?

ajgLJHGdljhagjJHGJHLGDS you can’t ask me that!!! they all seem like cool people and id like to meet them but also i am a mess so hhhhh

what are your favourite quotes said on the smp?

i have a lot here too but here are just some that I can think of rn haha:

connor’s whole: “you’re not a bad person, and I hope you find what you’re looking for” had me BAWLING aaa

tommy’s dialogue with dream during their battle was good, but when

a) tommy asks tubbo: “but what am I with out you?” and tubbo responds: “yourself.” I CRIED AAAA

b) tommy said: “Hey Dream, Dream, kill me.” because he knew dream wouldn’t, because he knew why dream wouldn’t - CHILLS

which part of the smp made you feel the saddest?

- ... pogtopia...

- Wilbur/ghostbur (out of character? in character? i don’t know which’d be worse, actually) admitting that he only wanted to make tommy president so he could blow it up seconds later

- .... tommy’s exile....

- A lot of tommy’s interactions with Techno have me kinda... :( ... you know? Like, the pit, the manberg vs. pogtopia war, doomsday - it feels like they keep shouting the same lines at each other, but neither of them really hear nor understand what the other is saying. Expecially doomsday - techno siding with dream, predictable but also hurtful, kind of. I can see why - but also techno was the closest to learning what had happened over the exile, and yet, the farthest from understanding it.

- doomsday was equally frustrating, hopeless, and depressing tbh

which part of the smp made you feel the happiest?

A LOT OF THINGS: but here are just the ones on the top of my head

- Quackity killing Schlatt and leaving manberg like: ✌️😠✌️

- When Tommy finally realized that dream was just. manipulating him. YOU GO funky exile child, LEAVE!!!

- PUNZ coming in to save the day with: “you should’ve paid me more”???? YES YES YES

- Sam giving tommy little tasks to build the hotel?? wholesome. Acknowledging tommy’s been through a lot, abnd being one of the few people to know most of the exile story that tommy still won’t tell anyone about outright? 😭 (and i am looking AWAY from the possibility that this is just for profit, nonononono, not in MY line of sight-)

be honest, who do you simp for? (ayo if anyone says tommy or tubbo i will 🔪)

....schlatt (who ironically, was somewhat my introduction into the smp), but only cause he was a TERRIFYINGLY good actor, and he sounds EXACTLY like what id imagine an evil president would sound like 😳 what can i say, i like my voices...? jkashdlhfgal closest ill get to simping anyway so all of you can just take this and go, go elsewhere-

what’s your favorite stream?

Hmm... one of the chaos ones? kjahdlkg i can’t decide...

what’s your least favorite stream?

The butcher army stream. I mean, it was good I loved the dialogue and set up... but like... story-wise, butcher army didn’t accomplish anything in the end, their existence was as volatile as the person they hunted and tbh nothing was gained from it, just lost and made worse. Hot opinion though, so take it with caution.

what’s something about the smp fandom that makes you sad?

Hmm... A somewhat common point: sometimes people can be really critical about characters, but like, not in a good way - just straight up bashing. I get disliking a character but it makes me :( when i don’t see reason for it. Or bashing someone’s opinion of a character. Look, we’re all interpreters here, but like.... cmon.... someone might just have a different view of a character and that’s fine!

for example: not a big fan of c!phil as a father. Some interpretations say he’s not a father because phil never said he was. Some might say he was an okay dad, and some might say tommy was never his son. all of these opinions are valid. another one of my opinions: tommy’s “punishments” were injust, some might agree with the idea that they were blown out of proportion and he didn’t really learn anything from them, some might disagree and say he got what he deserved. all of these opinions are valid -but on my end, maybe not the ones where people go: “aww man, c!tommy should’ve died cause he’s so annoying, and he totally deserved it.” did we watch the same arcs, buddies on that end???? are you okay????

Just, i get hating a character, but it bums me out when i see someone just straight up say “this character should die. cause they suck” - why though? story-wise, how would that play out? what

ANYWAY THIS IS ALL MY OPINION DON’T TAKE THIS TOO SERIOUSLY PLEASE

what’s something about the smp fandom that makes you happy?

Yall are great!! I love how much we’ve created - art, animatics, writing -all of you <3 <3 <3 and also all the discussion about the story, the characters, the interactions - I’ve found a community in some groups and honestly it’s just *chef kiss* great!!! yall are super cool and awesome and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!!

anyway, for the spread: i tag - @territorialufo, @an-inspired-eternity and @n-ugg... don’t feel pressured to do this but if you guys want 😳

#dream smp #skeetle writes

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gingwrites · 4 years

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Songs of the Heart (Yoonmin Soulmate AU)

Summary: Soulmate AU where you can hear songs in your head that either your soulmate is listening to or is stuck in their head. Yoongi had always heard his soulmate’s songs, but one day, he stopped hearing songs. All he had stuck in his head was BTS songs, which he thought was because he had to listen to them all day long because of practice. He thought his soulmate died and he becomes super depressed. Turns out, his soulmate isn’t dead and is a lot closer than he thinks. (It’s obviously Jimin if you can’t already tell.)

Warnings: Panic attacks, self-destructive behaviors, mentions of eating disorders

AN: This will also be posted on AO3 (my AO3 is linked in my masterlist, which is linked in my bio). Please let me know what you think! This took way too long to write, but I’m super happy with it.

Yoongi grew up looking forward to the day he and his soulmate would meet. From the first day that he had heard a song in his head that he didn’t recognize, he was hooked. He didn’t know what his soulmate was like, but he knew his soulmate listened to a variety of music. He knew that some weeks, his soulmate listened to the same song on repeat because it would be stuck in Yoongi’s head for days at a time. Other times, Yoongi would have instrumental music stuck in his head, which made it hard for him to find the name of.

Ever since that first song, Yoongi had kept a journal of all the songs that had been stuck in his head from his soulmate. Some might call him sentimental, but he didn’t care. He was learning things about his soulmate that he wouldn’t have otherwise.

Yoongi learned that his soulmate usually listened to instrumental music at night, which he figured was played while he was falling asleep. He learned that his soulmate listened to upbeat music around the same time every afternoon, which he figured was the time his soulmate worked out. And he also learned that his soulmate must have some sort of commute in the morning and afternoon because there was rarely a day he didn’t get a new song stuck in his head between 8 and 8:30 a.m. and 3 and 3:30 p.m.

When Yoongi moved to Seoul to become a trainee and audition for BigHit, he thought maybe he’d finally meet his soulmate. After all, he would be meeting lots of new people, and if it all went well, he would be traveling the world.

Unfortunately, luck didn’t seem to be on his side in finding his soulmate, but luck did seem to favor him with his band. The six other members of BTS were family to Yoongi, and he couldn’t imagine his life turning out any other way.

BTS had been together for years now, but the topic of soulmates was never really approached between the members. Yoongi didn’t know if it was because soulmates were rarely discussed outside of family (even though he considered his members family) or if it was because he and the boys knew meeting and actually staying with their soulmate would be near impossible with the idol life.

They had all heard horror stories about idols from other groups who had met their soulmate, only for their company to pay the soulmate off so that the idol could still be seen as available and wanted in the eyes of their fans. Or, if the soulmate was kept out of the public’s eye, they’d heard stories about sasaengs somehow finding out names and making their lives living hell.

Yoongi knew he didn’t want to put his soulmate through any of that. If that meant that he would be single until he retired, or even until the day he died, he would do it if it meant keeping his soulmate safe.

Those worries were always on Yoongi’s mind when he thought about his soulmate, even though from day one, BigHit had been open and very encouraging about their soulmate policy. If one of the members found their soulmate, BigHit would not interfere in any way and that member would be allowed to be with them. It would be up to the member if they wanted to be public or not, but BigHit would support them either way.

All this was stated in their contracts to make it official and legal, but Yoongi still worried. Idol life was hard, even for him who had been doing it for years. He didn’t want to drag someone else into it if they didn’t want it. And, he knew how some ARMYs could be. He didn’t want to risk it, so at the moment, he was content being single but still knowing his soulmate was out there somewhere (even though they might hate him from all the BTS songs that were constantly swimming around his head).

During his time in BTS, Yoongi had always heard his soulmate’s songs. He loved to wake up to a new song stuck in his head. The journal he had started of his soulmate songs had been filled long ago, so he just kept buying new journals and filling them up. He always made sure to have one on tour. And if he couldn’t carry one with him, he wrote it down on his phone until he could write it down in the journal.

He kept his journals in his studio where he knew the other members would never see or mess with them. They didn’t even know about them. When they saw him writing in his journals, they always just assumed he was working on new lyrics. Even though he knew they wouldn’t, he didn’t want them to find out just to make fun of him. Plus, he liked having this private part of himself, something that only he and his soulmate shared, even if they weren’t together.

When Yoongi would hear parts of a new song in his head, he always got the biggest smile on his face. It meant his soulmate was still out there, that there really was someone out there that the universe made special for him. He wondered if his soulmate ever thought about him. They must think he was a massive BTS fan since he constantly listened to BTS songs.

It was while the group was on tour that Yoongi noticed that he hadn’t heard any song from his soulmate. All he’d had stuck in his head were BTS songs, which he thought obviously came from the fact that he was hearing the same songs over and over again every night for the past two months.

Yoongi took his headphones off and stared at his laptop. It was late, after their show, but he’d decided to stay up a bit and play around with one of the songs he was working on. It was in the quiet of staring at the same piece of music on his screen for the last ten minutes did it finally sink in that he hadn’t heard any song or had any stuck in his head. BTS songs were always a constant background noise in his head at this point, but he didn’t hear anything else. Come to think of it, he hadn’t heard any other song for probably the last week.

Not knowing what else to do, Yoongi pulled up Naver. Stopped hearing soulmate songs. He scrolled down a bit and his heart fell to his stomach.

“If you stop hearing your soulmate’s song, it most likely means that they’ve died. There could be other reasons, like being in a coma or deafness, but the cause that is most often associated with no longer hearing soulmate songs is that the other soulmate has passed away.”

No. That couldn’t be the cause. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to meet him yet. That couldn’t be it. Yoongi wouldn’t accept it. He couldn’t.

He kept scrolling.

“In 95% of cases where one soulmate no longer hears their soulmate songs, it’s because their soulmate has died.”

Yoongi could hear his heartbeat in his ears, his breath picking up. He kept scrolling, hoping to see something, anything, that would tell him that his soulmate was still alive. He had to be! Even though Yoongi had accepted the fact that he had a very slim chance of meeting/being with his soulmate right now, he took comfort in the fact that his soulmate was out there. That someone existed that would love him unconditionally. Two people that the universe hand-picked to be together.

Without thinking, Yoongi picked up his phone and called the first person that he knew would pick up and know how to calm his racing heart.

“Yoongi hyung? Why are you still awake?” Namjoon mumbled into the phone after a few rings.

Yoongi couldn’t bring himself to say anything, eyes still locked on his search results, the words dead popping out all over the page.

Breathing harshly into the phone, Yoongi tried to open his mouth and say something, anything, but nothing would come out but a harsh puff of air.

“Yoons, I’m on my way. Don’t worry,” Namjoon tried to reassure, knowing exactly what was happening. This wasn’t the first time Yoongi had called him while having a panic attack. Granted, it had been a long time since it had happened last, but Namjoon knew exactly what was happening when he heard the ragged breathing through the phone.

What felt like no time later, Yoongi heard a quiet click of the door. He couldn’t bring himself to look over, eyes still glued to his laptop screen. He felt a presence next to him, and then his chair turned.

Slowly lifting his eyes, Yoongi saw Namjoon, wrinkled pajamas and messy hair and all.

“Can I touch you?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Okay.” Namjoon slowly reached down and took Yoongi’s hands in his. “Come on, let’s go lay on the bed. It’s much more comfortable.”

Yoongi listened, slowly dragging himself out of the chair and let himself be led toward the bed.

Once he and Namjoon were situated on the bed, Yoongi leaning on Namjoon’s shoulder, he finally felt a little of the tension in his chest release.

“Breathe with me,” Namjoon whispered, taking Yoongi’s hand in his. “In two, out two. That’s it. You’re doing so well.”

A few minutes passed, Yoongi finally able to catch his breath and suck in a full breath of air.

“Now, do you want to talk about it?”

Yoongi pulled in another shaky breath before letting it out slowly.

“I think my soulmate died,” Yoongi whispered. Maybe if Namjoon didn’t hear him it wouldn’t be true.

A gasp. A moment of silence. Yoongi didn’t dare look up. He didn’t want to see the pity that he knew would be on Namjoon’s face.

“Why do you think that?” Namjoon spoke softly, choosing his words carefully. He didn’t know why Yoongi assumed that, and he also didn’t want to send the man back into a panic attack.

“I haven’t heard any songs for at least the past week,” Yoongi whispered, tears threatening to spill down his face. “I didn’t notice it until now since we’ve been so busy, but it was so quiet when I was working. I’ve always heard him, Joonie, and now it’s suddenly just stopped!

“And I know I probably shouldn’t have, but I looked up why I wouldn’t be hearing my soulmate songs, and everything basically said that the main reason why you no longer hear songs is because they died. I never got to meet him! I never got to fall in love! I never got to get to know him. It was all just taken away. And I’ll never know what happened to him because he’s dead.”

Yoongi’s breath had picked up again, tears flowing freely down his face. Namjoon pulled him into a hug, rubbing his hand up and down Yoongi’s back, attempting to soothe the other man. Namjoon could feel tears in his own eyes for his friend’s pain, but he couldn’t let that show when Yoongi needed him to be strong.

“Shh, it’s okay. We’ll get through this,” Namjoon soothed into Yoongi’s hair, placing a kiss on the top of his head. He continued whispering reassurances to the older man, letting him cry it out into his shirt.

An hour later, Yoongi’s crying had finally wound down, exhaustion soon taking over.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi whispered, voice breaking, finally looking up at Namjoon.

“What? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for!” Namjoon argued. “You did nothing wrong. If our roles were reversed, would you think I would have needed to apologize?”

A quick head shake.

“See? Nothing to be sorry about. Now, first, you’re going to drink some water. You just had a panic attack and you’ve cried a lot, all on top of our concert. No exceptions. Second, you’re going to go straight to bed after I leave. You’re exhausted from both the concert and the panic attack. No arguing with that either. Your song can wait until tomorrow. And then once you’ve gotten a full night’s rest, we can continue talking about this,” Namjoon ordered.

Yoongi just nodded, knowing better than to argue with not only his leader, but one of his best friends.

Namjoon left shortly after, making sure to stop at Yoongi’s laptop to close all the tabs about soulmates and then shut it down for the night.

Laying in the dark, Yoongi’s mind couldn’t help but wander and think about all the things that he wouldn’t get to do now that his soulmate was dead. A few stray tears slipped down his cheek before he finally fell asleep, dreams of what could have been plaguing his thoughts.

The next morning, Yoongi woke up with a headache and a puffy face from all the crying from the previous night. He’d finally accepted the fact that his soulmate was most likely dead. He still felt a tightness in his chest, and a dark, heavy cloud hung over him, but he’d cried all his tears.

Yoongi had just settled down with his room service breakfast when a knock sounded at his door.

“Hyung, I know you’re awake. I think we should talk.”

Namjoon.

Even if Yoongi had accepted the fact that his soulmate was most likely dead, that didn’t mean he really wanted to talk about it, but he knew Namjoon wouldn’t give up until he was let into the room and they had their talk that he promised the night before.

Dragging himself over to the door, Yoongi swung the door open and then turned back over his shoulder. If he was going to be forced into this conversation at an ungodly hour in the morning (nevermind that it was already almost 11 a.m.), then he was going to at least have it while eating breakfast.

Namjoon quickly shut the door behind him and followed Yoongi into his room, taking a place on the couch next to Yoongi.

“I know you probably really don’t want to talk about this-”

“That’s an understatement,” Yoongi interrupted.

“But,” Namjoon continued, as if the other man hadn’t spoken, “I think it’ll be good to get it off your chest. You really don’t want to be feeling crappy on stage tonight. You’d beat yourself up if you didn’t give a good show, and you know it.

“Also, I may have done some of my own research, and I may have also spoken with our doctor.”

Yoongi’s head shot up, chopsticks halfway to his mouth.

“Don’t worry! I didn’t give anything specific!” Namjoon was quick to reassure. “I didn’t say anything about you. I just asked a few hypothetical questions about what you said was happening. He’s not a soulmate expert, but he’s the closest thing we’ve got right now.”

Yoongi finally took the bite of food, no longer horrified with Namjoon’s actions. He chewed slowly, looking the other man over and processing his words. Based on the solemn and serious look on Namjoon’s face, it didn’t seem like their doctor had told him any good news and said that his soulmate wasn’t actually dead and it was all a fluke.

“Just spit it out,” Yoongi whispered after swallowing. “I can tell it’s not good news. Just rip the bandaid off so I can get on with my life.”

Namjoon sighed. He really didn’t want to be the one to have to tell him what he learned, but he guessed it was better coming from him than from a soulmate expert that didn’t know him personally. When he agreed to be leader of BTS all those years ago, he didn’t think he’d ever have to be having a conversation like this. It tore his heart apart. He couldn’t imagine what Yoongi was going through. He’d never met his own soulmate, and didn’t know when/if he would, but, like the rest of the members, he at least took comfort in the fact that they were out there somewhere.

“I’m really sorry, Yoongi hyung,” Namjoon started. “Based on everything I read and what I learned from the doctor, it seems like your theory was correct. There are special cases where a soulmate falls into a coma or goes deaf and their soulmate can no longer hear their songs, but the most likely cause is that they passed away.

“I’m so, so sorry, hyung. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, and if there was a way that I could fix it, you know I would in a heartbeat.” Namjoon trailed off, reaching out to squeeze Yoongi’s hand that was laying on the couch next to him.

The room was silent for a moment while Namjoon’s words swirled around in Yoongi’s head. What Namjoon had said was exactly what Yoongi had been expecting, but he couldn’t help but feel like there had been one last little flicker of hope, but it had been brutally extinguished with those words.

Yoongi’s chest tightened even more, which he didn’t think was possible. Luckily, he had no more tears left to cry. Not that he had anything to be embarrassed about since he had been sobbing into Namjoon’s shirt the night before.

Taking a slow deep breath, Yoongi let his eyes slip shut for just a moment before turning to face Namjoon.

“Thank you, Joonie. Really, it means a lot that you went to all this trouble for me. I think I’d like to be alone now though. You know, to finish my breakfast and all,” he said, gesturing wildly to the tray into front of him on the coffee table.

Namjoon’s eyebrows rose, but he didn’t argue.

“If you’re sure,” he said, slowly rising off the couch. He knew Yoongi wasn’t big on showing his feelings, but he didn’t know if he wanted to leave the man alone to simmer on the bad news all day.

Yoongi just nodded his head, turning back to his food and grabbed another bite, knowing that if he spoke, he would surely beg Namjoon to stay with him and they would end up in the same position as last night, Yoongi bawling his eyes out and having a panic attack.

Namjoon took one last glance at Yoongi, still not fully believing the other man but not wanting to make it worse, before slipping quietly out of the room.

Once the door clicked shut, Yoongi let out a sigh. He just needed to clear his mind and focus on something else. Nothing else could be done about the situation, and it wouldn’t help any to dwell on it.

The rest of the day was spent on his laptop, working on the same song as the previous night, before they all had to leave for the stadium for soundcheck.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jungkook asked as he and Yoongi climbed out of the van. They’d just arrived at the stadium, and Yoongi had been quiet on the car ride there, more so than usual. He also had a frown that never left his face, which wasn’t completely unusual, but he would usually pop a smile if Jungkook told him a cheesy joke or played with his hair. Jungkook had tried everything to make his hyung smile at least once in the car, but it never worked, and it wasn’t for lack of trying.

“What?” Yoongi asked, startled. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Jungkook just nodded and decided not to push. Yoongi was a grownup. If he wanted to talk about something, he would. There was no reason for Jungkook to push and make Yoongi upset to the point where he wouldn’t talk at all. Jungkook had learned that the hard way one time shortly after they debuted.

The two members followed their staff into the arena, meeting up with the others who had arrived in separate cars.

Soundcheck passed by without incident, and the boys were given some free time before they had to start getting ready for the concert. Yoongi really didn’t feel like messing around with the other boys, so he found a quiet corner, slipped his headphones over his ears, and pulled up his song. He’d never been more grateful for deciding to bring his laptop.

The other members knew when Yoongi wanted to be alone and respected his space. Yoongi could feel eyes on him every once in a while, but he never looked up to see who was staring. He didn’t want to look up and see pity in Namjoon’s eyes or the confusion in the other members’ eyes and then feel like he had to explain himself.

Time passed in a blur, and before he knew it, his stylist was standing over him, trying to get his attention to get him ready for the show.

Before heading on stage, Namjoon grabbed Yoongi’s hand and pulled him away from the rest of the group.

“I know, I know, you don’t want to talk about it, especially right now,” Namjoon started. “But, are you sure you’re okay for this?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. To be honest, I think performing and being on stage will help. It’ll get my mind off things. Just stop giving me those looks of pity. You’re starting to make the other boys worry. I’ve felt everyone’s stares all day,” Yoongi replied. He hoped that what he said about performing was true. If he couldn’t give 100 percent to his performance, then he would feel like he let ARMY down and he would never forgive himself. His personal issues could take a backseat for a few hours so he could give back to those who made all this possible.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Namjoon nodded, squeezing Yoongi’s hand. Before heading back toward the group, he added, “You know, I really think you should tell the others. I know you think you can and should handle this on your own, but we’re your family, Yoongi hyung. We’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

Namjoon squeezed Yoongi’s hand one last time before turning over his shoulder to head back to the others. Yoongi stood in shock for a moment, Namjoon’s words running through his head. He didn’t have time to really contemplate and actually think about what he would say to the other members if he did tell them because one of the managers came over and pulled him toward the stage entrance.

Much like his afternoon, the entire concert passed in a blur for Yoongi. He remembers giving it his all. He remembers messing around with the boys on stage. He remembers all the screams and cheers from the fans. For just a moment, it seemed like everything was how it should be, that nothing had changed, and that he was the happiest man in the world.

That all changed when they piled into their vans to head back to the hotel. Jungkook and Yoongi still shared the same van. It was silent on the long ride back, Yoongi scrolling aimlessly through news articles and Twitter, basking in the silence after the deafening noise from the concert.

About halfway through the ride, Yoongi felt eyes on him again.

“What?” He grumbled without looking up from his screen.

“Oh, uh nothing,” Jungkook stuttered out at being caught. “It’s just, you’re more quiet than usual on concert days. I get being tired, but you’re not acting like you’re exhausted. Are you sure there’s nothing else going on?”

Yoongi’s finger hovered over his screen. Namjoon’s words from earlier came back. Maybe he should just tell his member’s to get it all done and over with. He’d have to tell them sooner or later and sooner would mean he could stop avoiding the confused looks and questions. Might as well get the pity out of the way now.

Sighing, Yoongi finally locked his phone and set it in his lap, and turned his head toward Jungkook.

“Yeah, something’s going on, but I’d rather tell you all at once so I don’t have to repeat it,” Yoongi said. “It’s nothing to worry about, though, so don’t get that cute little head of yours in a twist,” he quickly added when he saw Jungkook’s eyes widen slightly.

Jungkook just nodded. Yoongi took his silence as the end of their conversation and turned back to pick up his phone off his lap.

To Namjoonie:

Fine, I’ll take your advice. Have everyone meet in my room once we get back.

From Namjoonie:

Okay. I’m really proud of you, hyung. I love you.

Yoongi slipped his phone into his pocket and stared out the window, anxiety already building in his chest. Maybe if they talked about soulmates regularly, this wouldn’t be an issue. But then again, it’s not everyday that you lose your soulmate.

The van pulled up in front of the hotel, and Yoongi was forever grateful that fans had not found out what hotel they were staying at. Him and Jungkook quietly slipped into the hotel and made their way up to their floor.

Jungkook followed a few steps behind Yoongi, mind racing to try and figure out what had been causing Yoongi to be depressed all day. It had to have happened suddenly since he was fine the night before. What if he doesn’t want to do this anymore? What if he’s leaving the band? Even though Yoongi had told him not to worry, he couldn’t help it. Yoongi wasn’t always forthcoming about his emotions, wanting to hide away and put them into song instead. This wouldn’t be the first time Yoongi hid something huge from the members.

Jungkook’s thoughts were all over the place by the time Yoongi stopped in front of his door, pulling his keycard out of his pocket.

“Stop. I can hear you thinking from here,” Yoongi paused before swiping the card. “I swear, it’s nothing bad. It has nothing to do with the group. It’s a personal issue, and everything’s going to be fine.” As fine as one can be when they’ve lost the one person who was made specifically for them.

Jungkook let out a breath. Yoongi reached back and grabbed onto Jungkook’s hand before finally swiping the card. The two made their way into the room to see the rest of the members already gathered, sprawling over the furniture spread around the room.

The door fell shut behind the two, and Yoongi pulled Jungkook into the room. Namjoon was sitting on the couch, an empty spot next to him. Yoongi met the other’s eyes and Namjoon gave him a small smile. Yoongi made his way over to sit next to him on the couch, knowing he would need his support to make it through this conversation.

Once they were all settled, Jimin was the first to speak up.

“So, what’s going on? Namjoon just told us that we were having a meeting in here. Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

Everyone turned to their leader, expecting him to finally let them know what was going on.

“He called this meeting because I had something I wanted to let you all know about,” Yoongi said, not daring to look up from his hands in his lap.

A second later, a hand reached for his, Namjoon’s fingers intertwining with his own.

Yoongi then proceeded to tell the story from when he realized he hadn’t heard any songs up until when Namjoon came and told him about what their doctor and his own research said. Yoongi couldn’t bear to look around the room at the faces of his members, choosing to keep his eyes on the corner of the coffee table in front of him.

Somehow, he managed to make it through his story without tears falling down his face, but the second Seokjin leaned over and squeezed his shoulder, the dam broke and he could no longer hold it in. He thought he had already cried all his tears, but apparently he was mistaken.

The other members quickly got out of their seats to rush and comfort Yoongi. None of them could imagine what he was going through.

Yoongi’s tears finally slowed down after sitting on the couch being crowded and cuddled by his brothers for a bit longer than his back appreciated.

Pulling away from the pile, Yoongi finally spoke, voice breaking slightly, “Thank you. Really. You all being here and listening really means a lot to me.”

Hoseok’s eyebrows furrowed. “Hyung, you know we’ll always be here for you, no matter what. We’re family and nothing will ever change that. You know that, right?”

The other members all nodded along, agreed wholeheartedly with Hoseok. The corner of Yoongi’s mouth twitched upward slightly, but he just nodded in agreement.

The other members left Yoongi’s room not long after, smothering him in as much love and comfort as they could. None of them could imagine what he could be going through, and hopefully they never would. They wanted Yoongi to not feel alone, even if they couldn’t fix the situation in any way.

The next week was spent traveling, rehearsing, and performing. Yoongi didn’t have much time or energy to dwell on his new outlook on his soulmate status. When he wasn’t on stage, Yoongi was usually asleep, body exhausted from traveling so much. When he would get back to their hotel each night, Yoongi would spend a few hours working on his song. It still didn’t sound right, something could be better, and he wasn’t giving up until he got it right.

The other members noticed the slight change in Yoongi’s behavior right away. Of course they were all always tired while on tour. That came with the territory of constantly traveling and changing time zones and then performing for hours each night. But, Yoongi seemed to be sleeping more than normal. Taehyung once found Yoongi curled up under a pile of coats in the corner of their dressing room, fast asleep and almost completely hidden from sight, only a small tuft of hair poking out the top.

Yoongi also skipped out on their tradition of going out to eat for a family meal in each new city they stopped in. The other members let it pass, but it didn’t stop them from worrying. They knew Yoongi was probably holed up in his hotel room each time, not worrying about his health by staying up late to work and most likely not eating.

One night after the other members came back to their hotel from their dinner, which Yoongi passed on again, making up the excuse of having a headache, even though the others knew better, Namjoon decided to check on the older member. He grabbed his extra keycard for Yoongi’s room, not even bothering to knock. Namjoon knew Yoongi either wouldn’t answer because he wanted to be alone or he would have his headphones on and wouldn’t hear him knock.

Slowly making his way into the room, Namjoon called softly out to Yoongi, not wanting to scare him. The only light came from the small lamp on the corner of the desk, where Namjoon noticed a small Yoongi hunched over, the desk surely making an imprint in the man’s face as it was laying heavily on the top. Yoongi’s eyes were shut, his mouth open slightly. A small smile tugged at the corner of Namjoon’s mouth at the cute site, but then he remembered why Yoongi was in that situation.

Yoongi was slowly working himself into the ground, something that hadn’t happened in years after Namjoon found him passed out from not eating enough because he forgot to eat while working and made him promise to take better care of himself. It looked like Yoongi hadn’t eaten dinner this time either, causing Namjoon’s heart to break. He didn’t like seeing any of his members like this, especially one of his longest friends.

Namjoon made his way over to Yoongi and carefully pulled the chair back. The smaller man didn’t stir, which only proved how exhausted he was. Even if he was sleeping all day, if he wasn’t sleeping at night, he wasn’t getting enough sleep to keep going.

Slipping his hands carefully under Yoongi’s knees and back, Namjoon lifted Yoongi to take him to sleep on an actual bed. In the few steps to the bed, Namjoon noticed how light Yoongi was. Of course, the older man was smaller in size than Namjoon, but he normally wasn’t this light. Namjoon slowly set him down on top of the covers. Yoongi still hadn’t moved, still deep asleep. Namjoon grabbed the blanket at the end of the bed and pulled it up to Yoongi’s shoulders.

Flicking the lamp off as he passed, Namjoon quietly made his way back out of the room. The door clicked shut softly behind him, and when he turned to make his way toward his own room, he was shocked to see the other members standing there waiting for him.

“How’s he doing?” Seokjin spoke up.

Namjoon sighed. “Not good. I found him passed out in front of his laptop. Didn’t even stir when I picked him up to put him in bed.”

Jimin and Taehyung looked like they were about to cry.

“We have to do something, hyung,” Jungkook said.

“I know,” Namjoon sighed again, rubbing his hands over his face. “This can’t go on. We’ll talk about it in the morning. There’s nothing we can do about it now. We all need to sleep. We can’t help him if we’re exhausted, too.”

The other members nodded, slowly making their way to their rooms. Namjoon knew he had to fix this, but he just didn’t know how.

The next few days passed with no change in Yoongi. The other members met without him to come up with solutions on how to break Yoongi out of his cycle of self-destructive behavior. Luckily, they were in that city for a week so they didn’t have to worry about more traveling and adding more time zone changes on top of everything else.

Seokjin came up with the idea of what Namjoon would label an intervention. They needed to sit Yoongi down and get him to talk with them and express their own concerns with his behavior. None of them liked the fact that he was working himself into the ground. At the rate he was going, he wasn’t going to make it to the end of the tour.

The backup idea was Namjoon calling Yoongi’s old therapist and seeing if she had ideas or if she could talk with him.

On their second to last night before they moved on to the next city, the other members decided it was time to talk with Yoongi. He’d taken to no longer sleeping all day to bringing his laptop wherever they went and working on his song. Namjoon didn’t know if he was sleeping at night, but he highly doubted it from the dark circles under his eyes. Yoongi’s stylist had scolded him before he concert that day, and he did have the decency to look sheepish and promise to get more sleep.

Yoongi and Jungkook’s car was the first to arrive at the hotel, and Jungkook let the other go into his room, heading into his own until the other arrived and they could all head to Yoongi’s together.

The others arrived not long after, and they all gathered outside Yoongi’s room. Just like a few nights previous, Namjoon didn’t bother to knock and just used the keycard to get in. Yoongi was sitting at the desk, shoulders hunched over his laptop. This time, the only light came from the blue of the laptop screen.

Hoseok stepped in front of Namjoon and carefully pulled the headphones off Yoongi’s ears and set them on the desk. He reached over and flicked the small lamp on, causing Yoongi to quickly shut his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Yoongi grumbled.

“We need to talk,” Namjoon said, reaching over and shutting the laptop.

Yoongi looked ready to protest, but then saw all the faces of the other members and quickly shut his mouth. Whatever it was, it was serious.

The seven settled around the room, reminding Yoongi of the night he told them about his soulmate. Silence settled over the room, everyone waiting for someone else to speak up first.

“So,” Yoongi mumbled, tired of the silence and awkward looks between members. “Are you going to talk, or can you leave so I can continue working on my song?”

Everyone turned to look at Namjoon, who was sitting across from Yoongi.

Namjoon sighed for what felt like the millionth time that week. He was the leader, of course they would look to him to start this conversation.

“Hyung, we’re a little concerned,” Namjoon started. “Remember that promise you made to me?”

It took Yoongi a moment, but he finally nodded.

“You promised you would take care of yourself, but you’re not. You’re tired all the time, you’re staying up late to work on your song, you’re not eating, you either sleep all day or not at all. We’re worried that at this rate, you’re going to hurt yourself, and we can’t watch you do that. We love you too much to let you do that,” Namjoon lectured.

“We know it’s been a tough week,” Seokjin took over, trying to choose his words carefully. “But, like Joon said, we can’t just sit here and watch you do this to yourself. You need to let us in. None of us can even begin to imagine what you’re going through, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be here to support you along the way. You may have lost your soulmate, but you didn’t lose us. We’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

The other members all nodded along. Yoongi felt guilt wash over him. He didn’t know he was causing the other members to feel like this. He looked down at his intertwined hands, feeling tears prickling at his eyes. He couldn’t let them see him cry. He wasn’t going to cry, god damnit.

“I’m so, so sorry,” Yoongi whispered after a moment.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Taehyung said.

“Yeah, this is a perfectly normal response to what happened, but we’re just asking that you let us help you,” Hoseok replied. “We know what happened is not something that you’re going to get over in a day. We just don’t want to see you hurt yourself or fade away because we weren’t able to help you.”

Yoongi nodded, a few tears betraying him and slipping down his cheek.

Jimin, who was sat next to him, put an arm around his shoulder and pulled Yoongi into his side.

“We love you, hyung,” Jimin whispered into Yoongi’s hair, placing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

The dam finally broke and the tears started pouring down Yoongi’s face. Jimin just pulled him closer, rocking them slightly back and forth for comfort. The other members crowded themselves onto the couch with Yoongi and Jimin to comfort him.

The room was silent except for Yoongi’s sniffles every few moments.

Not daring to actually speak, Jimin started humming, running his hand through Yoongi’s hair, hoping he could get the other to calm down.

Jimin was halfway through humming the song when a soft gasp was heard and Yoongi pushed at Jimin’s chest to sit himself up.

“Jimin-ah,” Yoongi spoke slowly, “where did you hear that song?”

The other members sat up slowly, confused about where Yoongi was going with this and why he looked so scared.

Jimin looked up at Yoongi with furrowed eyebrows.

“It’s just a song that my soulmate listens to a lot. I don’t know the name of it though. I’ve tried looking it up, but I haven’t found it, so either it’s an original song or I’m not hearing it correctly,” Jimin responds, still confused as to why Yoongi was curious about the song he was humming.

Yoongi jumped up, almost knocking the other boys off the couch. He ran toward the desk and grabbed his laptop, opening it and hitting a few buttons before turning around to the other again. Instead of sitting back on the couch, Yoongi sat down on the chair across from them, directly in front of Jimin, computer in his lap.

“Was this the song?” Yoongi spoke, voice not daring to go above a whisper.

Yoongi hit a button and music started flowing out of the speaker. The members on the couch still had confused looks on their faces. They didn’t understand where Yoongi was going with this.

They all listened to the song for a few seconds before Jimin’s face lit up.

“Yeah! That’s the song! What song is it? I love it!” Jimin spoke excitedly, trying to reach toward Yoongi’s computer to finally see what song he’d been hearing for weeks now but unable to put a name to.

A sob broke out of Yoongi, but before anyone could get up from the couch to comfort him, a smile broke out over his face.

“You’re not dead, you’re not dead, you’re not dead,” Yoongi repeated over and over.

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Jungkook asked.

“That’s my song! That’s the song I’ve been working on!” Yoongi blurted out. “You’re not dead! No one else has heard that song except for me, but you’re still humming it and you know it.”

Jimin let out a gasp, hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“You’re his soulmate!” Namjoon said in awe.

“But, why hasn’t Yoongi hyung heard any songs lately?” Hoseok asked.

Tears were still running down Yoongi’s face, but he had the biggest smile on his face. He honestly didn’t care why he hadn’t heard any songs because he knew in his heart that Jimin was his soulmate. There was no possible way for him to have known that song unless he was Yoongi’s soulmate.

“I haven’t listened to any music in probably the past month,” Jimin said after a moment. “I know that sounds weird, but we’ve been so busy with everything, my brain was on overload and anytime we have a free moment, I just needed some peace and quiet. Of course, I’ve been listening to our stuff, but nothing else besides singing at concerts and rehearsals.”

“I’ve always had BTS songs stuck in my head, and I always thought it was just me,” Yoongi said through a wet laugh.

“Oh my god, we’re soulmates.” Jimin stood up from the couch and made his way around the coffee table to Yoongi.

“We’re soulmates. You’re not dead,” Yoongi repeated. He couldn’t believe it after the hell week he’d had believing his soulmate was dead, and yet here he was, standing in front of him. He’d known his soulmate for years and never even knew it.

Yoongi stood up and threw himself into Jimin’s arms.

“You’re really real. You’re really here,” Yoongi mumbled into Jimin’s shoulder.

“And I’m not going anywhere,” Jimin replied.

The other five members quietly made their way out, watching the two embrace in the middle of the room, wanting to leave them to talk and get to know each other as soulmates, not just bandmates.

Jimin spent the night in Yoongi’s room, Yoongi always needing to keep some form of contact with the younger as proof that he was really real and he wasn’t just dreaming. The two spent a while talking, but eventually the past week caught up with Yoongi and soon he was yawning at every other word Jimin said.

“Get some rest. I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” Jimin said, learning over to kiss Yoongi on the cheek. The two cuddled on the bed, Yoongi wrapping himself like an octopus around Jimin.

Not even a moment later, Yoongi was out like a light.

Jimin leaned down again and kissed Yoongi on the top of his head.

“I love you.”

Jimin then reached over to turn the lamp off by the bed before settling down next to his soulmate. His soulmate.

That night, the two got the best rest either of them had gotten in weeks. They woke up with smiles on their faces, knowing that they had a long road ahead of them both as idols and as soulmates, but knowing that they could get through it, as long as they were together.

Please let me know what you think! I live off of comments/reblogs. They make me so happy! Also, if you have a prompt, please send it in! I’m trying to get back into writing. Also, follow me on twitter: @yoongismandu (linked on my masterlist as well).

#yoonmin #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #min yoongi #park jimin #yoongi #jimin #bts soulmate au #bts fic #yoongi x jimin #ging writes

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