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dr3amlab · 1 year

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4. wicked games, dm.

SUMMARY — Y/N Gorgon and Draco Malfoy have a long history of mutual hatred. You see, the two of them have been pulling pranks on each other since their 1st year at Hogwarts, to the dismay of their close friends and supervisors. However, after a prank left Y/N completely out of her mind, she decides that she'll pull her cruelest prank yet on Draco by pretending to be his secret admirer.

PAIRING — Draco Malfoy x reader

GENRE — series, enemies to lovers, rival, comedy (?)

WORD COUNT — 2191 words.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — thank you so much for the love !! I've never thought that this would get any attention, really 🥹

PARTS. 1 2 3 4 5 6 finale

TAGLIST — @hopefulfuturenovelauthor @charlenasaxen @johnmurphys-sass @alittlebitofinsanitea @islayedyourmom @dramatic-long-coats @louieblue2 @born2222die @nikki-89 @jamlessgucciswegsunshineot7 @slashermadness

IV. AMORE, AMORE.

My dearest Draco,

I think of you daily. It’s true. I think of you when I see green apples, books or even when I smell an expensive cologne. You probably don’t have a clue why, and trust me, neither do I.

I want to know everything about you; your favorite color, your favorite song and even your favorite season. However, i can't.

You see, i can't keep writing you these letters. I feel like i'm burdening you with my feelings, and it makes me feel horrible.

So i've decided that from now on, my feelings are mine to keep.

This is my last letter.

I'll love you always,

your secret admirer.

It was past midnight and you could see the moon shining brightly on your mirror. This night was a peaceful night, one of the most soothing you had known for a while, and yet, you couldn’t sleep. And as you couldn’t find a peaceful state of mind, you asked a question that plagued your mind to Athena who was also undoubtedly awake, "Athena," you started, "do you think I’ll ever forget draco?" , "what do you mean?" you could hear Athena shuffle in her bed, "Draco. Will I stop having feelings for him? Will I eventually forget him?" you clarified.

"I can’t tell you exactly, y/n," Athena spoke softly, "though, my mother once said to me that you never forget your first love, they live in you forever," you could almost hear her smile through her words, "even if you move on, they’ll always have a special place in your heart," she continued, "as bad as it sounds, you’ll always compare your other lovers to your first because you’ll think that no one will ever be as perfect as them."

"So, i’ll never stop loving Draco?" you asked again with a shaky voice, "you’ll stop eventually," she said, "but your heart will never stop smiling at the thought of him," Athena yawned, signaling that morpheus was finally taking her in her embrace, "sweet dreams y/n," she whispered loud enough for you to hear.

You wished Athena was wrong for once. You hoped and prayed to Merlin that you’d wake up having no feelings for Draco Malfoy. Hell, you even hoped to wake up with an amnesia so you could forget the entire existence of the blond boy, even if it meant you’d lose your most cherished memories. How dare he? How dare he make your heart feel like it’s about to explode?

Draco Malfoy was a heartless criminal that surely deserves a spot in Azkaban for he ruthlessly stole your heart and occupied your every thoughts without any permission. You wished to say that you hated every fiber of his being, but you knew that it wasn’t true.

"Tomorrow, I’ll give him one last letter," you thought, "then I’ll be done with him." You made yourself comfortable in your bed, "goodnight Athena," you finally replied.

On one side of the class, Draco was reading the latest letter he received from his admirer with, at first, a pleasant expression on his face but his face progressively got bitter as he got to the end of the letter, "What the fuck," draco whispered not so quietly as Theodore, his seat mate, heard him, "oi! What’s with the profanities," Theodore scolded teasingly, "man, shut up. I’m literally not in the mood for your bullshit," draco carped, "woah, dude, calm down! I’m just joking," Nott said in a dry tone, not really understanding the sudden outburst of his friend.

"What are you even mad about?" Theodore snatched the paper out of Draco’s hand, "what is this? A love letter?" Nott cleared his throat preparing his voice to read the letter aloud, "My dear—" But before he could start teasing his friend, the latter snatched the paper out of Nott’s hands, "what’s wrong with you Nott? I literally told you that I was in no mood to deal with your jokes," Draco snapped grabbing the attention of all the students in the classroom who were previously chattering.

On the other side of the classroom, you were watching the scene unfold. You observed their little quarrel from the beginning, and you saw how draco seemed disappointed as soon as he finished reading the letter. You should be proud for your plan turned out exactly how you wanted: Draco took the bait, and was apparently smitten by his secret admirer. But why did you feel the opposite?

'Horrible' was an understatement to describe how you felt right now. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t your brightest idea to write those letters to Draco because: The boy was losing his mind more than you wanted him to and you had realized that you actually like draco, and you would’ve preferred to stay in denial because those newly discovered feelings were not doing you any favor.

"I feel horrible Athena," you whispered as you laid your head on your desk, "well, you can’t say that I didn’t warn you," she spoke in a singsong, "shut up please! Don’t rub salt in my wound," you whined, "you mean his wound," she rectified, "look at him, he's a thousand times more affected with this joke than he should've! Geez, I wouldn’t want to be Theodore right now," she tut-ted, "the poor guy just wanted to cheer his friend up and now he’s getting insulted!"

You put your head back up to look at the two boys who were still arguing, "I wouldn’t want to be present when he’ll find out," she spoke, "find out what?" you replied tiredly. Athena frowned her brows in confusion, "that it was you who wrote the letters," she said in a hushed voice so only you could hear. Your face went instantly white, "fuck, fuck, fuck!"you put your head in your hands, "what am I going to do?" you whined, "he’s never gonna take my feelings seriously now," you mumbled. Athena looked at you sadly and rubbed your back as an attempt to console you in the midst of the chaos that was still going on.

Never in your life you would've thought that you'd be worried to death on knowing if Draco reciprocates your feelings or not. Life is such a funny thing.

"Where is Slughorn anyway?" Athena tried to change the subject. "He’s like 10 minutes late, what is he—," she stopped mid-sentence when she saw the said teacher come Into the classroom, "Oh, speak of the devil! There he is." The teacher sighed with exasperation as he saw the commotion that was happening in his class, "Alright class please calm down," he said in an a voice that lacked authority voice for the boys continued to argue. "Please calm down!" he shouted and this time, he earned the silence he wanted with a bonus of startled expressions from the students.

Slughorn smiled with satisfaction, "First and foremost, I apologize for my tardiness," he said, "and for my little outburst. "He placed the books he was holding in his arms on his desk, "Now, let’s start the lesson shall we?" Slughorn smiled, "Can anybody remind me what we talked about last week?" An eager student raised their hands to answer the professor.

Draco heard their answer, yet he didn’t listen; he was too engrossed in his thoughts. Malfoy didn’t know what to think of this situation, why were they leaving him? Why is it that all the persons that say they love him always end up leaving him? He didn’t understand, was there something wrong with him? Could he fix his flaws? Draco knows that he’s far from being perfect, but then again no one was, so why is it that nobody wants to accept him as he is?

The blond boy couldn’t pin point the emotion he was feeling right now, was it fear? Disappointment? or maybe even sorrow? Draco couldn’t describe the heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he sure can tell when he feels like utter shit.

Draco got pulled out of his thoughts by Theodore’s elbow nudging him. The blond boy looked at his friend confusedly, wondering why he called him out. Theodore pointed his chin in front of him and Draco looked away from Nott’s eyes only to meet Slughorn’s, "I’ll repeat my question. What is amortentia?" Draco couldn’t understand what the professor was talking about as he had spent most of the lesson feeling sorry for himself, "Amoretentia?" He mispronounced, "No, Draco, it’s—, " the professor got cut off.

"It’s only the most powerful love potion in the world." Granger replied with a hint of a cockiness in her voice, but only according to Draco, "it’s supposed to smell differently to each of according to what attracts us, and I can smell freshly mown grass and new parchment and—," Hermione stopped mid-sentence and the girl looked like she made shocking discovery.

"Shocking isn’t it, Granger?" Slughorn laughed, "How about you Malfoy, what do you smell?" Slughorn offered the potion to Draco for him to sniff. At first Draco was reticent but after a few seconds of reflexion, he took the flask from the professor, "I smell vanilla, violets, and— strawberry cake?" Draco recognized that smell. There was no doubt in his mind that it was the scent that wafted from the pink envelopes. Draco’s heart frowned again, "if only I knew who it was," he thought.

"And you, Gorgon?" Slughorn offered you the flask which you took in your hands carefully, "Books, green apples," draco’s ears perked up at your words, "and—," you met Draco’s eyes and you felt a feeling of fear wash all over you, "and that’s it." You glared at Draco hoping to keep the appearances up. You almost gave it away but he didn’t notice anyway or did he?

"Alright!" Slughorn took the potion from your hand, "Amortentia is considered to be a powerful and highly dangerous potion. Despite its power, Amortentia does create actual love. The potion is—," Slughorn explained but neither you or Draco were interested in what he was saying as you two were too busy giving a black look to each other, "Do you think he caught up?" Athena whispered to your ear, "I hope not," you answered as you broke the eye contact with Draco to look Athena but you still felt Draco’s narrowed eyes on you.

Perhaps the meteorologists weren’t the experts they claimed to be or perhaps, the weather was merely unpredictable for they didn’t warn the students of Hogwarts of the Cyclone Draco that was currently ravaging the hallway of the school looking for a person in particular.

"Sasha, there you are!" Draco’s shadow engulfed the younger boy leaving no light, "M-Malfoy," Sasha stuttered and Draco laughed, "S-Sasha," he mimicked, "you already know what I’m here to ask you," Draco gritted his teeth, "so spill the beans and don’t you dare waste my time," he menaced.

"I already told you that I can't tell you draco," the Hufflepuff cried, "I promised! I’m sorry but it’s not my place!" Draco poked his tongue in his cheek and turned away his gaze from the trembling form of the boy. "Promises are meant to be broken, aren't they?"Draco replied coldly as he got closer to the younger boy.

"Listen." Draco grabbed Sasha by the collar, "You’re going to give their name right now," Malfoy demanded once again but the boy shook his head vigorously and the blond boy sighed.

Malfoy released his grip on Sasha’s uniform collar and the latter fell on his buttock making him hiss with pain, "Sasha, Sasha," draco tut-ted, "I didn’t want to come to this," he faked a sad expression on his face, "I really appreciate you, y’know." The younger boy’s face displayed pure horror as he saw Malfoy reach for his wand, "But hey," Draco sighed, "Silly me to think you’d cooperate."

Draco pointed his wand towards Sasha, who was still on the ground, "Cru—,"The older boy started, "Okay! Okay! I’ll tell you please don’t do that," Sasha yelled, "I’m not sure Sasha," Draco shrugged, "Plus you know I’m not scared to say the cursed spells," Malfoy put up his hand again signaling that he was about to say the curse again, "Cruc—," he repeated, "Y/N!" the boy said while shielding himself from the potential curse that draco was about to cast. "Y/N, that's the name," Sasha said with a jerky breath.

Draco smiled satisfied that the boy caved in as he lowered his wand, "Of course it was her," he mumbled.

"Alright Sasha," Draco said as turned his heels to leave, "Loved talking to you, » Malfoy smiled, "See you around bro!" Draco emptied the hallway leaving a young boy that was probably going to be scarred for life.

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sgt-seabass · 2 years

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𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘

— You stand up to Bucky after he’s been bothering you for weeks.

pairing: dark!mean!bucky barnes x reader w/c: 1,640 this is a dark fic. 18+ only. part of my (closed) lake house getaway. warnings: dark fic, bucky being mean and degrading, face slapping, spitting, manhandling, allusion to sexual content a/n: based off the prompt ‘bucky barnes + nerdy reader + degredation’. i wrote this on a plane sorry if it’s shit. not beta read.

Bucky was doing it again.

You didn’t know why the man had fixated on you, but not long after being transferred to work in the Avengers operations room, the supersoldier had started coming in every chance he got.

It was unusual. Typically, the analysts were left alone without the need for superhero supervision, yet Bucky often came and just watched.

He didn’t say anything, just stared, mostly at you and your work. Sometimes Steve joined him too, and they’d just chat casually while Bucky kept an eye on you.

At first, you’d felt terrible for Bucky. Maybe he was looking for a friend after everything he’d been through. Everyone knew the story of the recovering Winter Soldier and how he was now working with the rest of the Avengers to do something good. He might just be looking to make some new connections.

But one day, you’d seen a female peer approach and sit with him. But he’d quickly rejected her company. You didn’t know what he said, but she left with her tail between her legs.

None of your co-workers mentioned anything about it or talked about how he’d stare at you, and it made you feel insane. Maybe you were making an issue out of nothing.

But it put you on edge and made you feel like you were always doing something wrong.

Your anxiety was bad enough without someone breathing down your neck.

It was beginning to bother you to the point where you couldn’t get your tasks done, and your work meant everything to you, so you did the most unlikely thing.

You turned to Bucky with a huff, swivelling your chair around with an attitude. “If you don’t have any comments or constructive criticism, Mr Barnes, could you please leave me be to do my job?”

A few other analysts in the room looked at you in shock before turning back to their work. You never spoke up, just kept your head down and got the job done, and you especially never spoke up against an Avenger.

Something changed in Bucky’s expression. Like he’d been waiting for the moment you finally talked to him.

To your horror, Bucky laughed at you in front of everyone. He might as well have slapped you.

Hot embarrassment flooded your face as you cowered a little, but you kept your intense gaze on him.

“Huh, so you do have a voice after all. About time. And that’s Sergeant to you, doll.” Bucky came closer, and you backed your chair against the desk. He cornered you, towering over you while you tried to hold firm.

“Sergeant Barnes, my statement stands.” Your voice wavered, and Bucky smirked. “I’m not under performance review, and you’re not my supervisor. So, please let me just do my job.”

Bucky considered you for a moment before he leant over, placing one hand on either of your armrests and boxing you in. Your breath hitched at the proximity, and it only made the heat from your cheeks spread further down your neck. And down to your core. The beefy man was even more attractive up close.

“I’ve been letting you do your job, haven’t I? And you’re damn good at it too.”

The compliment caught you by surprise, and it had you stuttering. “Th-Thank you.. Sergeant.”

“But you’re a bit of a fucking nerd, aren’t you?” Bucky’s voice dropped an octave lower, his breath warm against your face.

You blinked, unsure how to cope with the whiplash of his comment. “Excuse me?”

“You sit on your computer all day, and then when you go home, you either sit on your laptop learning more about coding or play video games. That is, when you’re not touching yourself to some B-grade porno.”

“How... How do you know what I do at home?” You whispered, tears welling in your eyes.

“I know everything about you. Steve said I should find a hobby, and well, that happens to be you. I’m fascinated how such a pretty girl could become such a loser. It’s such a shame, really.”

“Go fuck yourself.” You snarled. Unsure how to even process what was happening, you got up from your chair, pushing Bucky aside to rush for the bathroom where you could just have a chance to breathe.

But Bucky was close on your tail, slinking after you and grabbing your forearm before you could enter the women’s room.

The tears that were threatening to spill over began to trickle down your cheeks, and when you looked up at Bucky, you were a deer caught in headlights.

His blue eyes were completely dark, desire written all over his face.

It felt like he could eat you alive just by looking at you.

He ushered you into the nearest vacant meeting room, pushing you until your legs hit the boardroom table.

You pushed him away from you, although your efforts did nothing as Bucky stood firm. “You’re an asshole.”

“I was just waiting to see how long it would be ‘til you snapped at me so I’d have a reason to teach you a lesson. I bet you’re a real teacher’s pet, huh? Yeah, I could teach you a thing or two.”

“Bucky—“

You gasped when Bucky slapped you across the face with his flesh hand, the pain registering immediately as your tears began to fall faster.

“I told you to call me Sergeant, you stupid slut. I haven’t even fucked you yet, and you’re going dumb on me.” His metal hand wrapped around your throat, forcing you to lower until your knees hit the scratchy carpet.

“Please.. Just leave me alone..” You begged, but Bucky just spat in your face, using his free hand to smear his saliva over your face while you whimpered and squirmed.

It was like he was getting high off his control over you, wanting to push you until you broke and shattered.

“C’mon, I’ve seen what you watch. Dumb little babies getting fucked by their daddy. You want me to dress you up all pretty and make you cum on my cock, don’t you?” Bucky’s grip on your throat tightened, and your oxygen was quickly cut off.

You knew you should yell and tell him that he was wrong and should go fuck himself, but his words ignited a fire in your core that you couldn’t ignore. You wanted it. More than anything.

“Well, here’s the thing. You don’t fucking deserve it. You have to prove how much of a good girl you are.”

Bucky watched as your brows furrowed, the wordless question in the air. What had you done wrong? How had you been anything but good? But Bucky was too far gone, taunting you meanly even if you hadn’t done anything.

You wondered if this was how Hydra treated him, and you’d just become a body for him to wreak his revenge on. An outlet for his pain. An easy target.

“You know the best thing about super senses? I can fucking smell how wet you are from here. You’re such a fucking whore, but you’re going to be my whore, aren’t you?” You wheezed out the last of your air in protest, mind going fuzzy as Bucky didn’t relent. “Yeah, yeah, you are. Put your hands on my cock like a dumb baby, and I’ll let you breathe.”

You raised your weak limbs, the world getting dark at the edges as you palmed Bucky’s clothed groin, a whimper sounding from how big and hard he was.

His cock twitched underneath the fabric, and his metal hand finally released, allowing you to gulp in large amounts of air.

You cried when he spat on your face again, flinching away. But Bucky was fast, grabbing your chin in a bruising grip and forcing you to look up at him. “No hiding away.”

Bucky took a seat in one of the armchairs, legs spread wide so you sat between his thick thighs. “Open wide.”

You knew you should be running away – but you’re captivated and scared of what Bucky would do to you if you tried to flee. So, despite your better judgement, you opened your mouth.

Bucky tutted, frowning at you. “Is that really the best you can do?”

You tried to open wider, but he just shook his head with a sigh.

His disappointment egged you on, and you opened your mouth as far as possible, ignoring the strain on your jaw.

“That’s better. God, you’d really do anything I told you to, wouldn’t you? So eager to please. I bet if I told you to bark, you’d actually fucking do it.” Bucky hummed, placing his thumb in your mouth and pressing down on the wet muscle as if he were inspecting you.

You grabbed his thighs, fingers digging into the fabric of his tactical pants as your jaw ached. Bucky could see you struggling to keep your mouth open while he moved your head around aimlessly, playing with you.

After what felt like forever, Bucky let you go, and you rubbed the side of your jaw as you closed your mouth. “Buck— I mean, Sergeant. Can I go home now, please? I did what you asked. And I won’t report you if you just let me go.”

“You won’t report me?” Bucky questioned with a quirked brow. “Oh sweetheart, for a smart girl, you really do say such stupid things. You really think anyone will believe you when I tell them you jumped me, trying to have sex with me?”

“B-But that’s not true!” You tried to stand, but Bucky pushed you back down by your shoulders.

“Too fucking bad, princess.” The clink of Bucky’s belt being undone filled the room, and you watched in horror as he began freeing his erection from the confines of his pants. “Now, if you want to keep your job, be a good girl and suck your Sergeant’s cock.”

To be updated on when I post please follow @sgt-seabass-library and turn on post notifications.

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #dark bucky barnes x reader #dark fic #marvel #mcu #ambswrites #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #dark bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x you #2k lake house getaway

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mxxnknights · 2 years

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Hey😁💚 Are you alright? hope so. So I have a fart and if you feel comfortable I would really appreciate it! How about we get one that reader is on her period and is really having a bad day, so someone is rude to her, and she holds back tears, but the moment she sees Steven smiling at her, she breaks down? I'm on my period and I really need someone to take care of me right now 😅💚 (sorry for the bad english)

Thank you for the request!! I've got my periods too and I'm literally so sensitive man

Also I'm still not over episode 5 and my heart huRTS. The finale better BRING MY BOI BACK.

You had woken up feeling ... disheveled, irritable, and overall like that bin muppet. A real ol' grouch. If the universe had been kind, the museum would have called you; saying that the tours were all canceled and you could have the day off. Except you had slept through your alarms and were running late.

The bus had been cramped and stuffy, due to the oddly warm weather London was having. Which usually wouldn't have been a problem, but the heat started to feel hell-ish. Stuck between two strangers, you could feel their body heat affecting your own. It was like you could feel so much more than usual, and not just in your own body but the beings around you too.

And then you began to sweat. And didn't seem to stop sweating, even when you walked into the air-conned museum.

As soon as you made it past security, you heard it. The click-clack of incessant heels against the marble floor. Your supervisor, Beatrice came shuffling towards you. "Y/N your nine o'clock tour is here. They've been waiting for twenty minutes!" Her short bob swayed as she spoke, and it took everything in you not to roll your eyes.

"Sorry." You ground out, nose flaring as you took in some air.

Never mind, just get started. We'll need to have a proper talk later on-oh! Connor! Just the man I was looking for." And as if you had disappeared from sight, Beatrice's attention flung itself onto her next victim.

____________________________________

The tour had been awful. Who knew kindergarteners could be so mean? All they could do was throw innocent insults your way; Why is your hair so frizzy? Why do you have spots on your face? Do you always talk like that?

You had toughed it until you led them to their last stop - the gift shop.

"Yeah, they're supposed to be the Egyptian jackals. But I just don't see what the appeal is mate." His voice made you want to cry instantly. It was soft and it made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

You bit your lip, trying your best not to let the tears fall.

'How could I let kids get to me like that?' You thought, trying to reason with yourself.

"Y/N, are you alright love?" Steven appeared beside you, concern frowning his face.

"I just- I woke up late, Beatrice, - the tour, my periods ... why - kids are really mean!" You choked out between breaths. You were trying not to cry, but in doing that, you made it worse.

"I mean yeah, they really are- here c'mon." Steven gently placed an arm over your shoulder and led you into the gift shop's back room.

"Won't you get in trouble for not being on the floor?" You croaked.

"Stuff it. You're more important anyway." Steven's kindness felt overwhelming. He sat you down and knelt in front of you.

You wrapped your arms around your stomach and looked at the floor. Your cheeks felt hot. And soon they were wet with tears.

"It's alright love. I'm here."

Steven slowly grasped one of your hands and held it tight.

Looking at him with watery eyes, you grasped his hand just as tight.

"Don't worry Y/N, I've got you."

#steven grant x reader #steven grant #steven grant x you #steven grant headcanon #moon knight #marc spector #marc spector x reader #moonknight x reader #incorrect moon knight quotes #marvel #moon knight x reader #moonknight headcanons

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flowercrowncrip · 1 year

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Thank you so much to everyone who has replied and messaged me about the situation with my carer. I feel like I’m going insane sometimes because I’m setting pretty normal boundaries but getting so much kickback I feel sometimes that it must be me doing something wrong. Being told it’s not is keeping me sane right now.

I moved into my new flat today and her behaviour was probably the worst it’s been. It was so bad my mum stayed longer because I didn’t feel safe on my own with her. I purposefully didn’t drink because I didn’t want to ask her for help using the toilet.

I know moving is stressful but there is absolutely no excuse for the way she spoke to me today. I was almost in tears at one point.

She was telling my parents I’d told her she couldn’t keep food in the fridge or kitchen which wasn’t true. When my parents cleared that up by pointing out the cupboard I’d set aside for my carers and said that using the fridge was fine it turned out the bathroom is still the issue.

She was saying that I don’t care about her, when I asked her to help me with stuff (which given she’s my carer isn’t an unreasonable request) she complained loudly that she’s “basically just a servant with a different name”. She also said she might as well not eat while she’s here since apparently I didn’t want her to keep anything outside her room. (I 100% didn’t say that and she’s always had access to the fridge and kitchen, it’s literally just the bathroom I don’t want her things left in and you don’t keep food there).

I’m not sure if it constitutes emotional abuse (all the articles I can find are either about romantic relationships, parents or disabled people abusing carers), but if it doesn’t it isn’t far off. Her snapping/ almost yelling at me and accusing me of hating her because I’ve set a boundary, threatening to cause a scene at my work, and complaining about being asked to support me when it’s literally her job are all pretty bad signs.

The whole situation making me feel so vulnerable and sometimes unsafe is probably the biggest red flag possible.

I don’t know how much I can do at this time. It feels impossible for me to say “stop talking to me like this” because m I’m terrified of the situation escalating.

In an ideal world I’d replace her with someone else but I’m not sure how easy it will be to do that. I’m going to talk to my care team leader about the whole situation on Monday, and I’m going to have to tell my supervisor that she’s threatening to cause trouble at work. Hopefully they’ll be able to support me with something.

#That Carer #emotional abuse #maybe? probably?

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chillibeanos · 2 months

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THE MISADVENTURES OF BEAN SPROUT

Episode N/A - Pilot

DISCLAIMER: All other content belongs to their rightful owners.

(This is also just a starter story, a little pilot if you will, to get familiar with the setting of Auburn and the universe Bean lives in.)

Just saying: There is more on the horizon!!!

It was another day within the beautiful suburbia of Auburn. It was just an average day like any other. Many people would just be going to the grocery store, taking care of their perfect family, going to their job in the city ... .but today we turn to a few new people around Front Street, people who…aren’t really “people” so to speak.

But…they are hybrid people.

We turn to a singular suburban home.

“...Bean, city hall is in flames and you aren’t going to do anything about it?” One butterfly hybrid spoke up. This sexy hotshot’s name was Monarch. Monarch Lovelace. He was constantly the center of attention anywhere and had looks beyond known comprehension.

“That’s not true. I’m planning on something.”

“You? Planning on something?” The marionette girl crossed her arms. She was Felicity. Insert a last name here since she doesn’t have one. She was the feisty and obtuse one of the group.

“May I remind you that even though you’re the mayor of this shit stain of a town, you have

done nothing to fix the issues present.”

A small and petite cupid raised her hand. “ Hey! Don’t be mean to them! It isn’t their fault that this town has a natural disaster every week. Still don’t know how that happens…” This was

Yami Malten. Very kind and sweet.

“I’m not playing your little games, kids.” Finally…this was Bean Sprout. The very silly, rambunctious and cat’s meow of the town. The mayor, the hotshot, the “blorbo” as people like to call them. They were a cartoon rabbit hybrid who has an infeasible attitude for violence and bloodshed…but they’re pretty silly and cute, so there’s that.

“Plus, there’s other people in charge that aren’t me you know. Like your sister.” They looked at Yami.

“Please don’t remind me. She’s awful.”

“How bad could she possibly be?”

“Terrible! She made me sleep in the yard last night!”

“...why-”

“She’s just like that! She’s a blonde bimbo! She definitely has terrible influences from our dad.”

Monarch smirked. “God?”

“No!!! That’s my supervisor at best.”

“Sorry, sorry. Dear. My fault…

Hey, do any of you like Pina Coladas?”

Bean smiled and got closer to him, gently caressing his wings, looking at him with half-lidded eyes….

“I never knew that you like Pina Coladas…”

He slowly scooted away.

“If this is what you’re implying, I don’t think we should do it while there’s two other people in the room…”

“What?? No! I genuinely didn’t know.”

“Oh! …Then I guess I do. Nectar just isn’t cutting it anymore.”

Monarch smiled a little before patting Bean’s head and giving a little peck on the cheek.

...Felicity groaned.

“Please don’t do this in front of me- You know I can’t feel emotions like love and all that.”

Bean separated from Monarch, sitting back in their spot on the couch.

‘Oh, sorry, ‘Licity. It just comes out when I’m with this pile of sweetness.” The butterfly smiled at that…

“What? Breeding hormones?”

“No!! What made you think that??”

“What? I’m just saying.”

“Well, I’m just gonna pretend you didn’t just say that.

Anyway, where are those Pinas, Mr Lovelace?”

[To be continued…]

#oc #oc lore #bean sprout #tmobs #the misadventures of bean sprout #oc story #writing #original story #reblog guys :3

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thatringboy · 7 months

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I finally got introduced to my best friend’s girlfriend and I found myself in a situation where I could not hide from my trans-ness like I usually do

My work uniform is form fitting. I’m AFAB and haven’t begun medically transitioning. Even after years of vocal training, my voice is still pretty high. I don’t pass. That’s okay with me, it’s never been much of a bother. Those who know I’m trans respect my name and pronouns, even though I have my deadname on my nametag

My best friend isn’t Cis. She’s AMAB and male-presenting with a beautiful beard, but she uses any pronouns. Her girlfriend is Cis. I’d heard about the girlfriend, seen pictures of her, coached my best friend through the talking stage and threw a party when they got together. I also work with my best friend, we work at a bar

Yesterday, my best friend’s girlfriend came to our bar with some of her friends. Best friend was chatting with her and I made my way over to introduce myself. Best friend said “oh hey! [Girlfriend], this is Percy! Percy, [Girlfriend]!”. I introduced myself and I was super excited to meet her, I’d heard nothing but good things and she seemed really cool

And then she leaned over the bar to squint and stare at my nametag with the most dumbfounded face I’ve seen on an adult. I instinctively covered my nametag and backed away with a joke about being a secret agent and went back to work, but it’s been a full day since then and I still feel humiliated.

And it’s occurred to me that my best friend who’s never misgendered me and goes out of his way to validate me and support me forgot to tell his girlfriend that I was trans. I doubt she even knew what I looked like. She probably just assumed I was her partner’s best guy friend. I don’t blame her. But that split second of panic when she ignored both me and my best friend loudly saying that I was Percy and zeroed in on my incorrect nametag still has me reeling

I don’t really know how to describe it but it felt like the difference between Cis people (even Cis queer people, thought I don’t know if she’s queer or not) and trans people was spelled out right there. Every other trans person I’ve met, even if they present differently than their name or pronouns suggest (like me) has always been super understanding and almost predictive of how we handle our identities. Gender is a game that we’re winning, it’s a dress-up game for adobe flash users, it’s an art and the absence of. I can spin hours of purple prose about experiencing gender as a trans person. My curse-bearing hips and very manly breasts don’t take away from that fact that I’m also a little guy and God’s favorite prince

And it’s wild that Cis people almost never have that realization within themselves. That it’s odd or strange to them for a person to use multiple names or have pronouns different from their presentation. My Cis supervisors verbally berate themselves when they accidentally read my deadname on a food order instead of Percy when it’s really not that big of a deal, my sister gets flustered when our discord server calls me he/him and she forgot that she’s the bad guy for refusing to do so, and now my best friend’s girlfriend who I barely spoke four words to might have had an image in her head of who I am that doesn’t match who I actually am and now I’m anxious that it’s somehow my fault. Which is bullshit

Cis people experiencing the beauty of gender and the disregard of gender roles is a beautiful thing that I love to see. Only, yesterday was a freezingly cold reminder that Cis people who have never had to question gender or really interact with someone who gets very queer with their presentation are very much the majority of people. Existing as trans on the internet or within my tight friend group is still very different than existing as a trans person in the world

Anyways, essay over. Cis people stay wildin’ and I’m just vibin’

#How do I even tag this?#trans #transgender

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aftonfamilyvalues · 5 months

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My roommate was super passive aggressive to me in a way that really just sent me and I think she overheard me venting about her in the phone saying she was a malicious bitch (also not feminist opps.)

I feel bad about it but then at the same time Omg I spent a month feeling in crisis that I was going to be homeless. She agreed to give me more time, said she would write up a new lease for me.

(I asked for more time and she agreed basically, and took a little over a month to send a new one to me. But via email. She gave me the silent treatment the whole time. I asked for more time because I mean I don’t earn very much and I got injuried during my 6 month lease. I wanted to ask for 6 more months but I had a feeling she would say no so I asked for 3. She’s been mean to me since I moved in. Suggested I should be further asking in life, at one point she gave me a dirty look and repeated back to me “how was work?” As if I asked an invasive question, I was just trying to be friendly and make conversation. And I’m fed up and tired so I stopped initiating with her. Because when I did initiate she was rude and I haven’t done anything to warrant that kind of disrespect. I’m clean and stay in my room and lay my bills on time. If k ran behind I’d communicate. I was good about communicating and I’m just burned out. I’m sure she thinks I’m matching her energy but I’d prefer if she spoke to me respectfully. She has no empathy.)

Anyway, didn’t speak to me, had a guest stay for fixed days without telling me and over a month had gone by and she hadn’t written up a new lease. I was in distress that I might be homeless and scared that she was future faking me. And thinking she moved in a whole new roommate without saying anything. I was panicking.

It affect me and at one point I had a crisis and couldn’t come in to work. My supervisor got mad. I called a hotline and broke down about how I was anxious I was going to get fired, and said prior to that I was afraid I was going to be homeless, because “my roommate is a malicious bitch.”

I really am not a malicious person , that’s why I can’t fathom it. Like she has been cruel, and a part of me feels guilty but maybe more as a fawn response. If she heard me she was eavesdropping. But I’m not malicious I’m anxious and burned out. In my distress I engaged in impulsive behaviors. I’m someone who is in desperate need of therapy, like dbt and EMDR cause I do have CPTSD. I can’t regulate my distress well at all. Oppressive situations turn me into an addict too. I seek to numb myself when I’m scared of being homeless. I binge drank and spent way too much on weed when I should’ve been saving, because I couldn’t have saved in one month and she hadn’t said a word to me which made me panic.& I also have PMDD and honestly the level of distress it put me in, and her fucking lack of empathy (I broke my toe while on the lease, my bike was stolen, I had to correct a mistake with social security. It’s my first job and I’m going back to school and struggling . I have 0 family support. She knows this. ) so yea, I called her malicious because honestly the distress of being homeless does affect me as a worker. I work in child care and gosh I get fatigue when I’m dealing with my roommate and trying to hold space for other people’s emotions. I barely was sleeping and having bad panic attacks…

I think she heard me.

Am I in the wrong? Her assuming I’m being passive aggressive and accusing me of that via text because I forgot to close a door and talking a week to tell me and shit like that just has me burned out. My previous roommate snooped in my room and read my things.

I should’ve left out the bitch part , but when she talks in the phone, she’s so loud and not private it almost feels like she wants me to hear. I normally use a white noise machine in the hopes that she won’t… I didn’t this time… and ok no sleep and not fully aware of myself and kind of loud. And I didn’t want her to hear that.

can i be honest and say im really not the best person to answer these sorts of things? like i would love to be able to give good advice and help but im so far disconnected from situations like this and mental health crises that i really dont know what to say. perhaps someone who understands a little better can help and advise.

#ask

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missradical3 · 7 months

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I’m sorry but I need to briefly get this out. A work incident that caused me to become angry for the first time at any position. I’ve been mad , frustrated, anxious, but never angry.

I went to work and followed rules and procedures. I need my job so I stick to the rules. This girl was bent out of shape because I wasn’t going to do my task her way, where she’d undo what I had started. I explained that I followed the rules. I know that management sometimes isn’t on the same page sometimes.

She left many times to see her friends. Another girl came that I’ve worked with before who knows what to do and is kind. We made lists of what was needed. We talked about how there’s a 45 min window to restock and that it gets packed. She denied it.

She went on lunch. The other girl and I decided to wait until that period had passed so no one would be alone during it. And when the girl came back we could put the plan in motion: we’ll this girl came back pisses that nothing was done/‘if she was paying attention to the plan she would have been ok.

Immediately she became a raging bitch, repeating over and over how I was dumb and it only takes one person blah blah. Personally, I need someone to help me since I’m not as strong as before. I had my list ready and she took off with more attitude.speaking more aggressively , same thing. I tried to explain again and I just stopped, there was no reason.

She went to get things and came back with like 4 different people (so it does take more people for it). The people that she brought had death stares to me, as if I was going to attack her. This girl then proceeded to keep talking but this time about 18 in from my face. With me trying to cash a guest out. I do NOT respond well to that. I’ve blacked out for things like that. I felt my heart pounding fast and my hands were shaking way worse than they have for a while.

I wanted to say something so bad. I just mentioned rules procedures and management. Then I stopped. She kept talking to her friends, my coworkers about it. Not one supervisor came out until about an hour before I left.

I have never had a coworker berate me like that. She didn’t hurt my feelings or anything, but she angered me with my character, ability to complete tasks, etc. she thought I was dumb.

I didn’t see any managers. I typed up everything. I was upset that I didn’t get all of the details. I didn’t have time. Every detail is important when dealing with monsters, even if no one cares. I spoke with my sister, the much more intelligent And level headed one. I wanted to see what she thought about bringing it to management or HR.

She suggested to keep my notes and see how the next day goes. Only to make sure that I can carefully make sure that I don’t stir up everything, sadly. Then bring it to management, requesting not to work with her. I don’t want remediation, I want her away from me and to just do my job. I don’t know what HR would do but just keep her the fuck away from me. It also doesn’t help that lower management are friends with everyone.

I think she was at work last night but not with me. I’m not a confrontational person, so all I can hope is Incan go in peacefully. I’m feeling angry and very anxious still. I followed rules and procedures, so the management can speak with me privately if they want to correct me.

Fuck that noise.

Sorry, thank you. I appreciate you.

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vynegar · 2 years

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luke personal story card 2, part four

summer. cicadas. fireworks. and...

same disclaimer and notes from part one.

youtube link to Sherry’s Gaming Notes video of the card story

links to other parts: one two three

more tot translations here

do not repost

[PART FOUR]

[18:40] Vacation House

MC: Luke?! You –

It was as if Luke's whisper had lit a small fire at my ears. I abruptly turned my head, and my cheek just happened to brush his lips. He seemed greatly amused at how flustered he made me, not speaking throughout it, only watching everything in front of him in silence.

MC: Don't joke around right now! I'm going to take it seriously.

Luke: You're one of the people involved. Don't you have any awareness about whether or not I'm joking? No one who saw your behavior that day would be able to forget it...

Even though it was a past that we had both experienced, I was getting more and more curious as I anticipated what Luke would say. What was exactly he thinking about that night in the dorm? What else did I not know...

Luke: Do you know how frustrated I was? The bonfire party was right outside, but I couldn't take you there. You were right in front of me... Honestly, I could have kissed you right there. But you had your eyes screwed shut, and every few seconds you asked me how much I had cut. I could only do my job and pretend to be focused on cutting your hair.

Summer night. The sound of cicadas. The explosion of fireworks in the sky. Him and me alone together. Chaotic feelings endlessly bubbled upward like soda, but could never reach the moment of spilling over.

Luke: No matter how calm I tried to be, I couldn't help but think... "Does she really care this much about the supervisor's rules?"

MC: I didn't care that much...

Never before was I so aware of my mistakes, and I mumbled in vain. Luke... how could he say this so easily? Didn't he feel discontent?

Luke: Why couldn't you be a bad student for once? I could've covered you again until we could slip away to a corner of the party. Then we could talk about the future, what kind of future we’d choose... I wanted to you to tell me an answer. If the atmosphere was right, I would have confessed before the fireworks disappeared.

As he spoke thoughts that were a bit childish for an adult, his vent slowly gained a tinge of coy ambiguity.

Luke: Maybe because I was too distracted, I accidentally cut your hair too short. Even though we figured out a way to save your haircut, we didn't make the party. Besides feeling guilty about causing that kind of a mishap, I actually also felt... a sense of release.

MC: Release?

Luke: "This way she won't forget tonight either." The late night that had combined every romantic element of summer, and yet was so "cruel" for a high school boy... Even though there were some things that we missed out on, then at least when you weren't paying attention, I had left behind a mark that only I could make.

Everything finally connected. My too-short hair in the class photo, my mysteriously serious expression, Luke's expression turning gentle whenever he mentioned cutting my hair... The truth had finally been pieced together. For a while I didn't speak, however; I covered my blushing face with my hands and leaned back, falling onto the bed beside the coffee table.

MC: How could this happen...

Luke: MC? Are... are you still upset that I messed up cutting your hair?

I shook my head. The mattress bounced lightly as Luke leaned his elbow against the sheets, approaching me sideways. He held my wrists. The palms that were covering my face slowly moved toward either side, only stopping when the two of our gazes met.

MC: Why... does love have so much delayed feedback?

Luke: Delayed feedback? Why are you talking about that right now...

MC: Don't you feel like loving someone is essentially going from one fork in the road to the next? Minor ones like planning a date, or major ones like confessing. We're constantly making all kinds of decisions, continuing in an uncertain direction. And the chain reactions and consequences that those decisions bring... usually only become apparent after a long period of time. Just like the past events you just mentioned. I had thought I hadn't done anything inappropriate, but in reality I missed something extremely important.

Luke: If you're really worried about that, I can tell you –

MC: I don't want to wait that long.

Luke: You...

When I spoke, the arm that Luke was leaning on visibly trembled for a moment.

MC: I want to hurry up and know if I'm doing good enough... – because it has to do with your happiness.

Luke: ... You finally said it.

MC: Huh...?

Luke: The reason you've been playing with your hair all day isn't because of its length at all, isn't it? And even before that, when I video called you about taking Peanut on vacation, you were also thinking about a similar question.

MC: So you already knew...

I mumbled to myself, averting my gaze in embarrassment. My hair had gotten messy since we were lying on the bed. Luke reached out and brushed away the strands of hair on my face, then lowered himself so that we were even closer.

Luke: Even through a screen, your feelings are easy to guess.

MC: ...Luke, even if you're going to call me serious and stubborn, I won't change my thoughts. I want to carefully plan everything, whether it's the big events in life or just a little date. I want to make the most of every day with you, and do more things... make you happier.

Not long before, thanks to a certain opportunity, I had learned about many of Luke's thoughts. Precisely because we our relationship had become even closer, I progressively raised my expectations of myself, in order to do more for him.

Luke: I know. I realized your thoughts a long time ago, so that's why I said in the phone call that I didn't want to see you get tired. Although, it's probably useless trying to convince you with words. I'm too familiar with that mindset. Because you cherish someone, you hope, more than anyone else, for her to be happy… Then later you realize that this “selflessness” is no longer that pure, it’s become an emotion that’s driven by selfishness. I want to see more of when she’s happy because of me and leave behind a unique mark on her heart, so I have to do as much as possible.

MC: …well then. It turns out we’ve both been thinking the same thing.

I heard Luke’s gentle breathing at the top of my head. I pursed my lips, finally making up my mind.

MC: Luke, I have a question. From when we got together, to our engagement… I’ve always been curious about something. You don’t need to consider anything, just answer me directly.

Luke: I’m listening.

MC: Ever since we reunited… how do you think I’ve done?

Compared to waiting to define it based on every action over time, it was clearly faster and more accurate to simply ask the other person. But I waited a long time without hearing anything but Luke’s quiet laughter. He seemed to be amused by the childishly blunt question, and gently pinched my cheek.

Luke: MC, before I answer your question… What if I told you that the things you remembered today not only weren’t the whole picture, but also had some small errors? Would you take back that question just now?

[END PART FOUR]

[PART FIVE]

#tears of themis #luke pearce #tot luke #xia yan #tot translation

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lovelyzealousangel · 1 year

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Ginger and Cardamom

05 | Jake

Series Masterlist (Tag yourself here)

Jake nervously shifted in his seat as he sipped his coffee, feeling out of place in the trendy coffee shop. He had never been one for fancy cafes and artisanal coffee blends, but he wasn’t even supposed to be on this date or anywhere else that wasn’t necessary for their survival.

But Steven must have suggested this place for a reason, maybe this was what the sort of place Astha might enjoy. Astha, it felt strange to call her that. Jake kept telling himself that he had no choice but to take control of the body. It would have not been safe to just leave when the others were unable to take control. Usually, when Jake switched out, he would have done so in a safe place. Where he knew the body would not be in any danger. If he was being honest, it wasn’t a hard decision. If given a chance, maybe in another life, he could see a future with someone like her.

He had spent so long thinking about her, going over what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. He knew there was no chance that this would lead to anything, at least not for him. Especially when she kept calling him Marc.

As he looked around the cosy shop, Jake felt like everyone was staring at him, judging him for his plain shirt and jeans. He had never been out like this.

Whenever he had fronted before, it had always been to get them out of a bad spot. In those times he had never had the luxury of just enjoying things. He had a role to fulfil. The job of protecting the body was one he took very seriously. One mistake on his part could be the last mistake they would ever make.

He felt like he didn't fit in with the crowd of hipsters and creative types who were busy typing away on their laptops and sipping lattes. So he took another sip of his drink to calm his nerves. The taste was unfamiliar to him, and he struggled to identify the flavours. He missed the simple, no-nonsense coffee that he usually drank.

"Marc, is it okay if I ask you something? I got a bit lost when trying to find the gift shop so I asked security for you and they said you didn't work there."

There it was, the first seed of doubt, the first inconsistency that usually results in people slowly drifting away from them. But it felt different this time. Whenever it had happened in the past, it was with Marc or Steven. With people they were interested in, co-workers and any friends they made.

For the first time, it was Jake who was interested in someone. While the others could introduce themselves by their names depending on who met the person first, Marc meeting Layla and them being Steven around people at the museum.

The only person who knew that Jake even existed was a bird god who couldn't care less about him.

All Jake wanted to do was tell her that he had given her the wrong name, that his name was Jake, And he did so because he didn’t people to know about the fights he got into. But he couldn't. He was not there nearly enough to pull that off. Even if he could force a switch, the others knew about her and there was a chance that she could run into them when he wasn't around.

But more importantly than that, the body's legal name was Steven Grant here in the UK, that was how people recognised them. No matter how understanding Astha had been up until this point, it would not be safe to tell her that he was part of what Marc calls a system.

"Sí…"

But then he quickly corrected himself, as none of the others spoke Spanish. He could not make mistakes like that.

"Oh that guy, he is new on the job. And it is a big museum. We, I mean Donna, my supervisor and I usually don't have a lot of interaction with people who work in other departments. We like to stick to our gift shop."

She simply nodded. It was clear she was still bothered by it but they got to talking about other things. From her job at the GRC, to how she collected cool-looking bottles to later put plants in. He told her about their fish Gus, and about what he could remember about Egyptology, either from the memories he shares with Steven or from talking to Khonshu.

He had to be careful with what they talked about, not wanting to mention anything that either the others would not remember or would not feel comfortable sharing on what was essentially a first date. As they chatted, they found themselves becoming more comfortable with each other. They laughed at each other's jokes, and she shared stories from her childhood.

Before Jake knew it, their coffee cups were empty, and it was time to say goodbye. Jake did something that he knew might blow up in his face but he decided to put himself first for once.

"Would you like to go out again sometime?"

Astha's smile widened, and she nodded eagerly. "I'd love that. I had a great time," she said.

As they left the coffee shop, Jake felt a sense of excitement and anticipation for what the future might hold. He knew it would not be easy but just like Steven said, even if nothing romantic were to come out of it, they could use more friends that were just regular people.

“Goodnight Marc”, she whispered as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Goodnight, Astha," Jake said with a grin, feeling a flutter of excitement in his chest. He watched as she turned to walk towards her car, feeling a mix of nervousness and eagerness for their next outing. One he knew he could not be there for.

#moon boys #moon knight fanfic #marvel fanfic #Moon Knight fanfiction #Marc Spector #Jake Lockley #Marvel fanfiction #Moon Knight fanfic #moon knight x oc #romance #angst #hurt/comfort #fluff #slow burn

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 months

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January 18: Memorials

Today was the law school memorial. It went better than I thought it would. I was getting pretty nervous about it because yet again the communication was terrible. Former employees were only invited to one half of the event and then they all got nervous about coming early. There was no information about parking for them. And I found out literally 5 minutes before that the program for speaking (I use the word program loosely because there was no program) only allotted ten minutes for all library people so I wouldn't be able to say anything. That ended up being not entirely true--other people who were told they couldn't speak did anyway and the whole thing still ended early--but it was sort of true, in that the organizers really only intended for the director to speak and she just split her time with other staff and it ended up being enough by chance. And like, I was thinking of it as extemporaneous remarks but also like... like open mic, you know, and people can just speak, not whatever this actually was that I heard in whispers and rumors just moments before. Some sort of hybrid of 'planned speaker list where people read speeches' and 'just whoever wants can come up or what have you.'

Anyway, the point is, I did chicken out. I was more intimidated by the people than I had thought I would be, and I was also really upset and already crying and I didn't really want to go up last and cry in front of all these randos. But part of it was also that I took the news about the 'ten minutes' thing as basically a message that I wasn't welcome to speak and from that moment on I forgot all my remarks and just sort of... you know, threw up my hands and went oh well. Because I need to be able to prepare for things, mentally; I need to visualize them, I need to be secure in them, especially if they make me nervous. I cannot have the game plan changed last minute. It's unfair to do that to me, I think.

The point of this is that I'm getting really tired of this utter clown car that is my workplace. Just competence levels really scraping the basement floor here. I'm also tired of so much of my friend's legacy being caught up in this, like, political nonsense. The ex-dean made remarks that I felt were literally pointed at the library to tell us to shut up about the poaching--and a lot of library talk is also about all the bad feelings from this era. I get that it's relevant and I get that grief brings up other messy emotions too but I'm just tired of it. The law school sucks balls; that's nothing new. I miss my friend.

A part of me feels kind of cowardly and bad that I didn't speak. But another part... I spoke to people I actually knew and I told some stories and gave some thoughts, and maybe that was all I needed to do or should have done. Nothing that I'd been planning to say was revolutionary. Maybe it would have been nice to go up there and say 'I'm not doing a general reminiscence, here's a story I think is fun, bye' but again I can't change gears like that.

I did like how almost all of the speakers were library people and most of the focus was on library history and her role here. The second half was in the lobby for the students and while I know my supervisor was annoyed that the library got erased there--these students wouldn't have known her there, that history isn't really relevant to them. I thought the remarks were very nice.

I did think it was funny how a couple of people veered very close to stories about the administration sucking but without saying it in so many words, and I hope the guilty parties FELT guilty because they deserve it. One student told the story of the missing donation box but she told it as if the box had just been taken by fairies or something whereas actually it was taken by law admin because it looked "unprofessional" or "messy" in their pristine ugly-ass lobby. And oooooh my friend was PISSED about it at the time. In some ways I felt like her legacy was...not whitewashed, but maybe only partially given. People spoke of her kindness and generosity and friendliness and all of that is true--but those weren't ways she just happened to be. She worked to be that way. Those traits stemmed from a really strong, uncompromising set of moral values--she had Opinions and she wasn't afraid to share them. She had beliefs about how she thought people should be and act, and then she was that way herself. She lived up to the standards she set but she set them for everyone. I think it's both more true and more of an honor to her to say 'her cheerfulness wasn't an accident of her personality, but rather reaching out to people, showing them kindness, caring about their lives, and remaining committed to relationships in the long term, was part of her moral code, part of her intense loyalty, to such a degree that she didn't always understand how anyone else could think differently.'

But I also don't think the students would know her well enough to see all that.

It was really nice to see the retirees and former employees again, including the woman who had my job before me and trained me in my early days here. I haven't seen her since about 2018 and I missed her. After the memorials, the director ordered pizza for us and we had sort of a long lunch, and then almost everyone in my department abandoned ship. I had sort of been thinking of asking to leave early but I didn't, and then one person left to work from home as she usually does on Thursdays and the other just tapped out. I knew the deceased a lot better so, I won't lie, there was a part of me that was like this is hard for YOU?? but I know that's mean and ungenerous and unkind of me. I toughed it out the last 90 minutes since everyone else had gone, so. I did talk to my supervisor for literally 60 of those minutes. I told her I felt obligated to stay and she was like 'I won't know if you don't do anything. We can chat until I leave if you want,' so, yeah--the capitalist machine will not grind me down in my grief.

After I left, I put the yellow flower I'd been wearing--all of the library staff and former staff were wearing them--on the statues outside. Then I just went home.

#the year 2024 #2024: rl #tw death

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sourrys · 8 months

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new therapist called today and told me that i scored too high on the assessment so they were going to refer me to an ED clinic, then called back later and said she spoke to her supervisor and they agreed there were steps we could take before a referral. she wants me to go to my university's health clinic and get like??? labs done. i called the clinic and mentioned "eating disorder" and "labs" and they knew exactly what i was talking about so whatever.

i haven't mentioned any of this to my boyfriend and idk if im going to. i know how people get when you tell them you have an eating disorder. they start to overanalyze every thing you eat. or don't eat. i guess.

stupid thing is i don't even feel like it's that bad right now. 900 calories a day is a lot compared to what ive done in the past.

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indigo474 · 9 months

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July 20th- believe-

I have to believe that things will and always workout the way they are supposed to. The Narc at work is on me.. i've been documenting everything- but it's bad and i may have to go to HR and dam-- she is running a smear campaign and she is coming unhinged. I am going to keep my composure no matter how i feel inside.. calm and steady. i cant help but feel hurt on the inside- my intentions are good- i have no idea why she feels the need to attack my character.. we shall see how this plays out. I spoke with my rep today the one who left work crying last week because of the ice queen. we had a nice conversation and it seems all is well.. i have learned so much these past 7 months- truly unbelievable.. a lot of people have shown me their true colors.. it's all just one big learning experience.

TODAY i squatted 200lbs x 5!!!!!! i can't believe it- WOW! i get emotional thinking about it because well.. i never thought i could do .. anything. And here i am living life and lifting weights and being a supervisor and having a lover and wow. It felt good.. i was worried after last week when i tweaked my back. James says it happens.. he actually said its not always rainbows and unicorns.. HA.. I really am amazed with myself.. like dam girl.. you strong!!! I benched 112.5x2 and 95x5x2.. he keeps upping the weight without me doing a full set of 5 no idea why..

my forehead wrinkles are back and i dont like it.. i'm going back in August.. for more botox..

I might take my self to the movies this weekend. i want to see my lover but he has to work. i don't have plans and that scares me. oh yeah.. i have to find a couch.. maybe ill take mushrooms on Saturday..i believe good things are coming my way.. My intentions ARE good.. i have to believe that whats meant for me is mine- what i want, wants me.. you're doing a great job April- i am so proud of you.

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monsterlover48 · 3 years

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Part 1: The Meeting

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Bodyguard!Orc x Princess!Reader

Summary: Y/N, the princess of Evermore, the beauty of the west. She had many suitors, many men, and women who wanted her by their side. Too bad her eyes were already set the day he came to save her life.

Warnings: PTSD, flashbacks (sorta), medieval fighting

~~~ Princess Y/N was a kind soul. Always tended to her princess duties and went out of her way to give to the lower class. Everyone loved her, and they knew she would be a wonderful queen.

When word got out about the attempted assassination, the people were outraged that someone would dare hurt their beloved princess. Y/N Could still feel the man's glove-clad hand grasp her face to silence her screams every time she closed her eyes, and she didn't know how to get the image out of her head.

The morning breeze soothed her warm skin as she walked outside and into the growing gardens of her castle. The beautiful greens of the grass and plants paired with the myriad of colours that decorated the flowers set the frantic princess' mind at ease. She had one hell of a night, and it took hours for her to get a good night's rest. Her mind was plagued with nightmares of her death and the death of her people. She just wished it wouldn't come true.

Y/N had worn a lilac dress that morning, lace on the sleeves, and a large bow on the back. It was her favorite, and she wanted to wear it to bring up her mood. She didn't want anyone to see the wound on her arm, but the bulk of the bandages showed through her frilly sleeves.

"M'lady. The king requests you." Y/N handmaiden, Cassandra, spoke quietly, breaking the serenity of the garden. The princess's shoulders deflated, and she hung her head low before she smiled at her friend.

"Do you know what about?" She asked, linking her good arm with Cassandra's. The maiden giggled and shook her head playfully.

"Your knight is coming to protect you. They're having a contest to see who could protect you the best." Cassandra grinned. Y/N's cheeks flushed, and she gasped.

"Today? Do I look alright?" The woman began to unnecessarily judge herself, muttering curses of how she should have done her hair better.

"You look fine." Cassandra giggled. They walked down the large corridor and through the guards that stood straighter at the sight of their princess. Y/N nodded and bowed to everyone she passed politely, a smile stuck on her face in her princess facade.

"Daughter, you took long enough." Her father playfully scolded, holding a hand out to help her into the royal chair. They were in the courtyard where entertainers, fighters, or jousters came to do their thing.

As Y/N looked amongst the crowd, she saw many creatures in knight armor. Ranging from tieflings to humans. But one she hadn't seen before, someone massive in size. It was well known that Evermore was more of the accepting kind when it came to other races, but not many creatures of that size came to the lovely kingdom. And they were all fighting for her favor as a personal guard. She felt as though the taller one would win. She couldn't see his face or even his skin to tell what he could be, but she didn't care. The princess didn't necessarily want a personal guard, but if she was to get one, she wanted it to be someone who could truly protect her life.

"Which do you think would win, princess?" A voice asked behind her. Y/N turned to see a man she's never met before. He was handsome; bright blue eyes and dark brown hair with chiseled features, but she wasn't too interested. He smiled at her with an attempt to be charming, but she knew the play.

"The tall one." She replied, pointing towards the looming figure as he practiced by his lonesome.

"Ah yes, that one. He seems pretty strong." He chuckled, and Y/N realized he had an accent that wasn't from Evermore.

"What's your name?" Y/N asked curiously. However, before he could respond, the tournament speaker began his speech about the rules and how the tournament would go.

The trumpets sounded, and two knights stepped up before they began to fight. Swords clashing and metal banging sounded around the courtyard, and Y/N was on the edge of her seat every time a knight fell. She hoped they weren't too injured, but she had to admit, it was interesting to watch them fight.

By the time the last two were up, it was two large men, clad head to toe in thick armor, but Y/N noticed the one she kept her eyes on. The tall one with bulging muscles. She bit her lip as they started, gasping when the clashing of swords and their blasts against armor. But ultimately, she was correct; the tall one was the champion. The crowd cheered loudly as the last man fell, and the tall man roared triumphantly.

The princess stood from her place and straightened out the skirt of her dress. Everyone gasped when the creature took off his helmet, revealing an orc to be the champion. Orcs used to be the villains of Evermore's story, but the war had ended, and they were at peace. However, that doesn't mean many orcs came into Evermore and never came to protect their princess. Y/N looked around at the shocked faces of her people and squared her shoulders before she walked out of the royal seating and to the courtyard where the champion stood.

Everyone watched their princess with wary eyes and shifted in their seats as she approached him. The closer she looked, he was taller than she expected. Thrice her size, and he had a scowl upon his handsome features. His skin was a pale green, and he had large tusks sticking out from his mouth. His mean stare didn't detour the princess as she smiled and bowed politely to the knight.

"It seems you have won. What is your name?" She asked, clasping her hand behind her back. He huffed a piece of stray black hair away from his eyes, the long strands reaching past his shoulders. He bowed to her when she walked closer, propping his arm onto his knee.

"Rhudrak Fang Cracker." He replied. His voice was gruff, as though he had gargled rocks before he spoke.

"Well, Rhudrak Fang Cracker. It is nice to meet you. I will be happy to work with you." The crowd cheered then, the piercing noise almost startling the princess. She turned to look at the crowd before looking back at her knight.

"Yes! This man is my daughter's champion. The one who will protect her with his life. Do you agree?" Her father asked, walking into the courtyard as well. Her father was a very accepting man, and no matter the fact that he witnessed orcs kill many of his people, he would never discriminate against a man who wanted to protect his only daughter.

"I agree," Rhudrak responded. King Gustus nodded, and Y/N smiled at the crowd as the royal family plus the knight and other guards walked back to the castle. Y/N couldn't help but steal glances at the steely man. She found it very interesting that an orc would want to protect her. And he looked so mysterious. She just wandered-

"Y/N, dearest." Her mother scolded. Y/N tore her eyes away from her knight with warm cheeks and turned to her mother.

"Yes, mother?" She asked. Meira shook her head disapprovingly and continued walking.

"Your father was talking to you." She hissed. Y/N bowed her head in embarrassment, and she could've sworn she saw a ghost of a smile on her Rhudrak's face.

"While you were in your fantasy land, I was discussing the rules of your supervisor and how you must act." He told her with a kind and understanding smile. Y/N was very close to her father, and she was glad to have him understand how easy it was for her to get lost in the clouds. Unlike her strict mother.

"What are his rules?"

"No. Your rules." Her father corrected. Y/N gasped and choked on her spit before she looked at the people in front of her.

"What do you mean 'my' rules?" Y/N asked incredulously.

"You are not to leave the sight of Rhudrak. The only time you will be alone is when in your chambers, safe. You will do what he asks of you. If he tells you to run, to hide, or even to walk, you do it. He is there to protect you; let him do his job. No running around the halls in the middle of the nights anymore. People are after you, my dear, and I couldn't stand losing you. It almost happened once, and I will not let it happen again." Her father told her. She wanted to roll her eyes, to pout and say 'not fair.' But she almost died that night. The visions still haunt her in her sleep and even during the day. She knew if she wanted to survive, she must do what her father asks of her.

"Yes, father." She replied solemnly, all traces of humor gone from the conversation.

"Now go make yourselves acquainted while showing him his room. It's the one next to yours." Y/N nodded and looked at her parents awkwardly as they walked away.

"Your room is this way on the third floor," Y/N spoke. She was exhausted from the excitement of the day and had zero social energy, but she knew she had to do it anyways.

"Third floor? How do you even get upstairs with those tiny shoes on?" Rhudrak chuckled. Y/N hid her giggle behind her hand and shook her head as they approached the stairway.

"With difficulty. Try walking around hours a day with a corset on." She scoffed. Rhudrak laughed loudly but quickly quieted down.

"Tell me about the night of your attack." He asked suddenly. Y/N was taken aback by the sudden question as they walked up the many stairs.

"Well... I couldn't sleep. I think that's the only reason I'm alive right now. He wore a black mask with strange symbols on it. He was human-sized. That's all remember." She said. She was lying of course. She could remember so much more. The blue of his eyes and the stench of leather as his hand clamped down onto her mouth. She couldn't breathe when he sat on her. She felt hopeless and the gleam of the moonlight on his blade made her shiver with unease.

"Princess?" Rhudrak asked gently, looking at her with a thoughtful gaze. She snapped out of her wandering thoughts and shook her head with a smile.

"Well, here you are. My chambers are right here. I'll let you get settled in." She said with a bow, walking back to her room. She shut the door gently and allowed herself to break slightly at the memory of her attack, fresh tears slipping down her cheeks.

Taglist!

@vanta-monsters @inosh-k @sylum

#monster #monster lover #monster smut #orc #orc x reader #monster x human #monster x reader #orc x human

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