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#serious lack of self control
qwint · 3 months ago
Here it is, songs that makes me think of June.
It’s nice having different playlists for every character route I’m playing and I’ve already started lists for the other guys too.
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thecrusadercomrade · 6 months ago
TWDG October Challenge Day 19 and 20 Submission!
October 19th: Sweet Treats
Fic Summary:  Clementine rewards herself after a hard day at school. Of course, once she starts, it may be hard to stop...
Read on AO3
This fic features: A lack of self-control and proper resource management
October 20th: Silly Tricks
Fic Summary:  Louis drags Clementine along to play a little trick on their friend Violet. Unfortunately, things might not go as they expected...
Read on AO3
This fic features: Pranks, true friendship, some good aim, and consequences for actions taken
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If one finds that they have developed a gambling issue, it is important to look for professional assistance. Professional help might be able to offer guidance and support from beating the addiction and turning into a positive and productive lifestyle. There are also a number of therapy centres which provide many different programs and remedies that may help individuals who have all types of addiction, for example gaming dependence. Men and women who bet over a normal basis can show indications of poor conclusion, poor money control and even emotional immaturity. But, in addition, there are people who don't have any problems within their finances but still turn into betting because of boredom. Additionally, gaming addicts can additionally experience financial setbacks or even insolvency on account of the habit. Many people even consider gambling their manner of getting prosperous. The potential risks And great things about Gambling Addiction
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bao3bei4 · 2 days ago
thanks for clearing up the translation thing with mxtx, I see now that I agree with her stance on non-romantic yet intriguing dynamics. but asking this in good faith (you don't have to answer if you feel like I'm starting a fight): what do you think of the hostility that comes from the more serious issues in her books, like the questionable 'main couple meets when one of them was a child', the lack of consent etc? as a poc myself I find it hard to sympathize with all that.
so this is an interesting question, and something that i tried to allude to in that essay. i think there are legitimate criticisms of mxtx. i’ve (obviously) been able to make my peace with them, since i (unfortunately) post so gd much about these posts, but uh. i don’t blame other people if they don’t or can’t.
cw for discussions of fictional sexual violence and exploitation, scum villain’s self-saving system spoilers
scum villain gets most criticism for its premise, which uh. makes sense. it’s about an online hater bro-type who ends up transmigrating into the character he hated most, and has to try to survive the protagonist’s wrath in a shitty trope-y gary stu-esque wish fulfillment harem novel.
so the elephant in the room is that ofc, this is ultimately a teacher-student romance. what i will say in mxtx’s defense is that she does her level best to mitigate this. the protagonist is really fucking stupid. he in no way grooms his student. he actively hates the character he transmigrated into for possibly being inappropriate towards one of his (female) disciples. he remains unaware of his disciple’s affections for comically implausible lengths. he repeatedly gets fridged for years at a time to narrow the age gap. the disciple ends up becoming wildly more powerful than the protagonist.
a friend of mine commented that scum villain’s teacher/student relationship was at the edge of her comfort zone, not the start, and that’s basically how i feel. it doesn’t really read as a teacher-student romance, as much as it does... farce. i don’t blame people for uh, blanket not wanting to read a teacher/student romance. but i will say--i do genuinely think that mxtx took pains to be as unambiguous as possible that this was parody first and grooming never.
i joke--tongue in cheek--that mxtx will introduce two contradictory iffy power dynamics at once and hope they cancel out. luo binghe is shen qingqiu’s student, but shen qingqiu is dumb. also luo binghe is an all-powerful demon lord. hua cheng met xie lian as a child meeting his ruler, but xie lian forgot about him. also hua cheng is an all-powerful demon lord. ymmv on whether you can enjoy this.
the second elephant (it was hiding behind the first one) is the sexual violence, whether consensual or nonconsensual, which is a major plot point in the story. her other novels, modao zushi and tian guan ci fu, have similar criticisms leveled at them.
scum villain has a climatic scene where the male lead, who is not in control of his actions, has sex with the protagonist. the protagonist finds it painful and coercive. it is difficult to read as consensual for anybody involved. modao zushi has multiple sex scenes with consensual nonconsent and also umm general BL tropes. (this is exacerbated by the lack of content warnings for chapters like the incense burner extra, which desperately needs one.) tian guan ci fu has a scene where the young male lead is aware--and can hear--the protagonist being aroused by um i guess what we’ll colloquially call sex pollen.
they aren’t like. fun or sexy to me as a reader, and i think they’re something that have been stopping points for many people. and um yeah. i think it’s pretty obvious why people may not want to read it. i think it’s definitely possible to skip or skim the scenes if they make you uncomfortable. that said, i don’t think they’re exceptional for the genre.
my overall stance is that her novels don’t activate any of my personal hangups too badly, and i enjoy reading them so i do. i don’t find them like, societally harmful, so i don’t discourage other people from reading them. however, i understand that other people may find them uncomfortable for whatever reason, and i won’t try to convince them otherwise.
i want to defend mxtx from random vitriol from people who don’t cite legitimate critiques, while holding space for people whose experiences with sexual violence and exploitation leave them troubled by her books. all in all, i just don’t think she’s a bad person, even if her books sometimes have content that can be triggering and uncomfortable.
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diegoazeta · 6 days ago
Das Kapital
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Q: Why are capitalists so rabidly vitriolic when attacking socialism?
A: Because socialism is a serious threat to their hugely profitable, devious little racket.
Socialism kicks cap's ass anytime, even at socialist-controlled capitalism. It all depends on the goals local socialists set for their system. See for yourself:
> It took America three-odd centuries to become a superpower under its crooked capitalist system. The USSR did it in three-odd decades under its centrally planned socialist system.
> China is on track to overtake the US as the world's leading economy in 2028. It exploits capitalist structures within the broader framework of socialism.
> Cuba has 8.4 doctors per thousand people (8.4 dptp), #1 in the world, vs 2.6 dptp for US, #58, 323% as many dptp. Source: World Bank
> The Ho Chi Minh Stock Exchange and Hanoi Stock Exchange have a combined market cap of US $208.16 billion (11 May 2021), equal to 74% of a forecasted 2021 GDP of Vietnam. Move over, Wall Street. Vietnam rules again. Sources: HOSE, HNX,
> America has never been able to solve its extreme poverty problem. China eradicated extreme poverty in 2021.
> The US had over a half-million homeless persons in the streets in 2019 (HUD stats). Cuba has long had zero.
> China successfully landed a rover vehicle on Mars on 15 May 2021 on its first independent mission to the Red Planet, the third nation to do so after the US and the USSR. China, however, began its space program in 2003, 45 years after NASA was founded. Another great leap forward. (NASA, by the way, is a central [federal] government venture, aka socialist undertaking.) Capitalism was incapable of reaching for the stars. Clearly, a mixed economy is the way to go where capitalists fear to tread. (Not every endeavor is market feasible.)
> The Covid-19 stats put the titans of capitalism to miserable shame (data for 14 May 2021):
Country Deaths Deaths/Million
China 4636 3
Cuba 785 69
Vietnam 35 0.4
US 598,874 1800
UK 127,668 1872
Self-evident truth: capitalism kills.
> China nearly halted its Coronavirus epidemic within three months of the outbreak. Trump talked mindless garbage as fatalities soared unimpeded.
> All developed nations enjoy the benefits of socialized health care except one, the US. People routinely die in America for lack of health care. Many more go bankrupt.
Q: Why do America's citizens put up with this blatant abuse by the oligarchs?
A: Because they dare not question the system. Sacred cow fetish.
Q: Is that rational?
A: Not in a supposedly free country, no.
Open thine eyes, Jane & Joe. The swine are stealing thee blind.
Q: How can ordinary folks be so blind to the fat cat's unconscionable abuses?
A: Cradle-to-grave brainwashing. Works like a charm.
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melancholy-pal · 8 days ago
I don't know what's wrong with me
(excuse how many typos are in this, i wrote it in a rush whilst crying)
I sit downstairs with everyone, doing simple tasks like homework and the unexplained emptiness overwhelms me without warning. I could be smiling seconds beforehand, but the moment it hits, I want nothing but quiet and alone. It feels like I could just sit there, staring at a wall and the tears would just spill out like water down a window. It’s a crushing feeling that I cant explain when asked “what’s wrong” and “why are you mad” because I’m not mad. Im not mad. Im not angry in any way. Im frustrated with myself because at those moments I don’t know why I am the way I am. Why I reply with snarky remarks and bluntness otherwise unnatural to me. Why I cant force my face into a smile to at least pretend like im not being crushed from the inside out. Why it comes suddenly and just floods me with emotions I have difficulty controlling. I want answers but im scared that im over-reacting because surely there are people experiencing worse than me. There are people who lay in bed all day, all week, unable to will themselves to physically move an inch. There are people who cant force themselves to eat, who completely neglect their self-care and careen down a rabbit hole straight to self-harm. I don’t do any of those. I get out of bed, I eat normally, I have no thoughts of self-harm. So surely, im just exaggerating. This isn’t serious. They’ll just think im pretending. My life is good, there’s no reason for me to be depressed. We don’t lack financially, I don’t even go to high school anymore. Im doing graphic design at college and I don’t go to school 5 days a week. All in all, life should be better than it was before.
But im scared. Im scared of the fact that even though I was so excited to leave high school and start college and do the one thing I always wanted to do – art – im not excited anymore. Not as much as I was before. I thought the feeling will stay with me forever, that it will be as fun as it was in school. Yes, its different, but it’s still fun, right? What about the writing? the unfinished stories, the lost characters and ideas. The gnawing emptiness of having no effort to do anything eats away at me every day. Leaving homework to the last minute when I was so excited initially to do it. Staying in my room all day because I cant will myself to interact with people and be happy in front of them. Then realising that my mum hasn’t come upstairs to say hi to me and I have to go myself when its too late already. Its repeating myself multiple times when someone doesn’t listen and feeling like crap because that means that what im saying isn’t important to them, despite being important to me. Hearing my words be repeated minutes after ive said it like I didn’t say anything and like what I said didn’t matter until someone else said it. Snapping at someone without meaning to when the wave of sadness rolls over me and receiving a reply of “just ignore it, she’ll get over it soon” or being commented over my chapped and ripped lips as “she likes them that way” and “she likes looking like she got punched”. No I don’t. I fucking don’t. I don’t know why I do it. Sometimes it’s worse and I cant keep my hands away from my lips and sometimes its fine. But I don’t do it because I enjoy it. I dontt like what it looks like. I suppose it’s the same as when a person self-harms? Im sure they don’t do it because they like what it looks like but they feel like they have to. I wish I could reply when asked if im okay with a “no” but im scared of the consequences of such an answer. Im scared of opening up to someone and of what their reaction will be. What will be the response? I don’t even know how to explain what im feeling in Lithuanian because my vocabulary of Lithuanian is that of a 10 year old – I literally don’t know the words that I could use to explain what im feeling to my mum. Sure I can just explain it to my sister. Would they brush it off as nothing and pretend im fine? Is there even anything wrong with me? Would they take me seriously? Is it serious? How am I supposed to know if what im feeling is serious enough to be talked about? What if my excessive sleeping isn’t just being tired? What if my inability to go without a nap after college is more than just me liking naps? How do I know? Shrugging my shoulders after being asked if something’s wrong is all I can do to make sure that my sudden ‘moodiness' doesn’t look random but also not serious enough to initiate an interrogation that I cant explain myself in. being asked to find things id like to do and places id like to visit and having to fucking google ideas because I have no interest in anything. Being literally unable to think of a single thing id really like to experience or a place i'd like to visit. Everyone knows at least one place they’d like to go to, right? Even if it’s ridiculously unrealistic, they have something they’d like to do. I have nothing. No needs. No wants. I don’t want to have depression but I also want to know why I feel this way.
submitted by /u/ryu_the_jinx [link] [comments] from Mental Health
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sawasawako · 9 days ago
“It is difficult when the writer is serious and the reader is not. Again, that is a newish problem, reading having become a leisure toy and not a cultural occupation. Of course we read for pleasure, but the enjoyment got out of literature is not the enjoyment to be had from a ball game or a video... Art has been bundled away along with sport and entertainment and sometimes even charity, but it belongs by itself, a separate reality, a world apart. Readers who don’t like books that are not printed television, fast on thrills and feeling, soft on the brain, are not criticising literature, they are missing it altogether. A work of fiction, a poem, that is literature, that is art, can only be itself, it can never substitute for anything else. Nor can anything else substitute for it. The serious writer cannot be in competition for sales and attention with the bewildering range of products from the ever expanding leisure industry. She can only offer what she has ever offered; an exceptional sensibility combined with an exceptional control over words.
How many people want that? Proportionally as few as ever but art is not for the few, it is for many, and I include those who would never pick up a serious fiction or poem and who are uninterested in writing. I believe that art puts down its roots into the deepest hiding places of our nature and that its action is akin to the action of certain delving plants, comfrey for instance, whose roots can penetrate far into the subsoil and unlock nutrients that would otherwise lie out of the reach of shallower bedded plants. In the haste of life and the press of action it is difficult for us to examine our feelings, to express them coherently, to express them poetically, and yet the impulse to poetry which is an impulse parallel to civilisation, is a force towards that range and depth of expression. We do not want language as a list of basic commands and exchanges, we want it to handle matter far more subtle. When we say ‘I haven’t got the words’, the lack is not in the language nor in our emotional state, it is in the breakdown between the two. The poet heals that breakdown and not only for those who read poetry. If we want a living language, a language capable of expressing all that it is called upon to express in a vastly changing world, then we need men and women whose whole self is bound up in that work with words.”
– Jeanette Winterson, Art Objects: Essays on Ecstasy and Effrontery
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santheestallion · 9 days ago
yunho nsfw a-z
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a/n: this is just my personal analysis based off of Yunho’s personality. All of this is fiction
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
After sex, Yunho becomes super clingy and doesn’t want you to leave the bed. Expect lots of cuddling and kissing. He wants you to play in his hair and let him lay in your boobs until he’s ready for round two.
B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
On you, he likes your legs and hands. He loves holding your hands in his giant ones, and he loves how a freshly manicured hand looks around his dick. In a romantic sense, he likes your legs when they’re tangled with his or on his lap while cuddling. He always finds himself absentmindedly stroking your legs while driving or sitting next to each other. In a sexual sense, he likes how your legs feel when they’re wrapped around his waist, and he loves how he can push your legs to your chest and fuck you.
On himself, he doesn’t necessarily have a specific favorite body part, but he is grateful for his general body proportions. He’s slim, tall, he has wide shoulders, buff arms, large hands, and is like 70% leg.
C = Cum
His ultimate fantasy is to cum inside of you. He loves watching it drip and fucking it back into you. However, he is very frightened of getting you pregnant, so he’ll only go condom-less if you’re on birth control.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Yunho gives me huge possessive vibes, so I think he lowkey fantasizes about having other people hear him have sex. He wouldn’t want anybody to see it because to him, he’s the only one who should get to see you in that way.  He wants people to hear your moans and know that only he can make you feel good. He doesn’t bring it up because he wants to respect your privacy, but anytime public sex occurs he goes extra hard because he wants everyone to hear you.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
Like most idols, I’d say he’s relatively inexperienced. To my knowledge, he went to an art school which tells me he's been pretty focused on his career from a young age, so I’d doubt he’d have time for any relationships. However, Yunho is a person that's naturally good at everything he does, so even with his lack of experience he always comes off as a pro.
F = Favorite Position
When he’s in a romantic mood, he either wants you on top with your chests pressed together, or missionary. He wants to feel close to you during sex, so any position where your bodies are pressed together and he can kiss you are ideal. On more adventurous nights, he really enjoys manhandling you and seeing how many different positions he can contort your body into. He likes positions that show his strength, so from time to time he enjoys picking you up and fucking you in the air.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Yunho is an Aries so you already know he's very goofy. He’s an energizer so he hates dull or boring environments and likes to keep things lively and fun. However, I think he reserves most of his humor for foreplay. He’s very passionate so once he actually starts fucking you he gets super focused and would be thrown off if a joke was made.
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
He has so many other things going on in his life so he honestly puts no thought into his pubic hair and considers it unimportant. He won’t do anything to it unless his partner requests, and even then, he’ll do it begrudgingly cause he really doesn't see the point in shaving it.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 
Yunho can be super intimate depending on the mood. If he’s really horny or hasn’t seen you for a while, he can’t control himself and the sex will most likely be fast and dirty with little intimacy. However when he's in more of a sentimental mood, he won’t hesitate to show you how much he appreciates you. Sex brings out a more emotional side of him so he’s able to confess things that he may normally not say in another context.
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
If the two of you are in constant contact with each other, when he’s feeling horny he’d much rather turn to you then masturbate by himself. However if he’s on tour or something he loves masturbating to the sound of your voice. Sometimes he won't even tell you what he's doing, he’ll just be having a normal conversation with you as he strokes his dick.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Manhandling - He has a great athletic body so he likes to use it to his advantage. He wants to stretch you out during sex and show you how strong he is.
Scratching (Receiving): I don’t know if this could be considered a kink but he loves when he’s fucking you really good and your nails dig into his back. Seeing the scratch marks on his back afterwards fills him with a sense of pride. He also just generally loves your fingers in his hair, specifically when your nails graze against his scalp.
Hickeys (Giving and Receiving): Yunho can be very possessive, so in a way he wants to mark you so that everyone knows you’re taken. He also likes to receive hickies in hidden areas where others can’t see, it feels like a dirty secret that only the two of you share.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
His favorite place is the bedroom because its most comfortable and it gives him the most space to do what he wants to you. If he’s really horny, he’s not opposed to sex in public spaces, but the risk of getting caught has to be minimal otherwise he’ll be way too nervous to get into it.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
He’s turned on by someone who is shy in public, but is a freak in the sheets. He’s intrigued by the whole “dirty secret” concept of being the only person who knows how really vulgar you can be. He gets horny when you dress up nicely or are about to go out somewhere. He takes one look at your body and will beg you to stay home.
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
He doesn’t want to inflict pain on his partner besides the occasional slap on the ass. He cant get hard if he sees you’re in physical pain. He also isn’t into degradation. It just makes him feel bad to put someone else down.
He’s generally turned off by someone who is too serious. He’s very clingly so he gets turned off by a partner that doesn’t like skinship.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Yunho is someone whose just naturally good at eating pussy. Its not his favorite thing to do during sex, and he mostly uses oral as a means to tease you. He’ll eat you out for hours not because he gets pleasure from it, but because he wants to hear you beg for him to fuck you. There’s also something relaxing for him about eating you out slowly, hearing your moans as your fingers run through his scalp.
When receiving head, Yunho turns into full sub mode. He’s super sensitive; he can’t control himself from bucking into your mouth and he comes way too quickly. As a result, he tends to avoid getting head because he’d rather come inside you and he knows he wont be able to control himself. 
P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
When Yunho is super horny, he gets way too focused in the sex and just starts rutting into you with reckless abandon until he cums. However, when his focus is primarily on your pleasure, he’s able to control himself and slow down a bit depending on what you want. Regardless, he always tends to go faster when hes about to cum.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
He enjoys quickies as long as he gets to come. There’s nothing more frustrating to him than being really focused into sex only to get interrupted before he can come. Quickies don’t happen often but he’ll never say no to one.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
Yunho is a shy boy, but during sex he gets way too into it and can be convinced to do pretty much anything risky. The one risk he isn’t willing to take is anything involving having sex without protection. He’s serious about his career and doesn't want to risk having kids until the time is right. When it comes to public sex, he doesn’t get turned on by the risk, but he likes the idea of others possibly hearing what he can do for you. If he gets caught by a member or manager, his biggest concern would be covering you up so no one can see you naked.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
He is a dancer, and a hyperactive one at that, so he rarely gets tired. After cumming once he can easily get himself hard again. He’ll go for as many rounds as your body can take. He feels regretful if sex only includes one round.
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
He doesn’t own any toys but has no qualms about using them on you. He prefers to go without them because he wants sex to feel like its just you and him, and introducing sex toys into the equation disrupts that for him slightly. He has no interest in using toys on himself because he knows he’d be a moaning mess and would cum in like 5 seconds.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He’s a huge tease. His motivation to tease you is that he loves making you beg. There's nothing that turns him on more than seeing you writhe underneath him. Like I said earlier, he uses oral and foreplay as a means to tease and is capable of giving you hickeys and eating you out for hours before he even begins to fuck you. Teasing him is a bit difficult because he’s impatient and can easily just grab you, throw you onto the bed, and have his way with you.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
He's more of a groaner than a moaner. There's nothing sexier than his deep ass grunts in your ear as he fucks you. When he’s about to cum, he gets a lot more whiny and moany. If you’re sucking him off, he even might let out a whimper. 
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
“Babe, your members are here!” you scolded as Yunho busied himself with the lace of your dress.
His brows furrowed in concentration as he finally managed to unlace you out of your dress, pulling it down frantically. “I don’t care. I want you.” he replied with a sense of playfulness in his voice.
He tapped the back of your thighs and you took the hint, jumping into his strong arms. It all happened so fast; before you knew it your back was against the cold wall, and Yunho had buried himself into your warmth.
Bouncing on his cock, you brought your hand to your mouth to conceal your moans. Yunho didn’t like that. He used one of his own hands to pull your wrist behind your back, easily supporting your weight with his other arm.
“Who’s fucking you this good?” he asked as you bit your lip in an effort to hold your moans. The effort was useless because Yunho was fucking you relentlessly, almost tossing you up and down his cock as he fucked you into the wall.
“Y-You, Yunho. Only you can fuck me this good!”, you sobbed.
“Good girl,” he smiled in approval before stuffing two fingers into your mouth, deciding that he had given his roommates enough of a show.
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Yunho is one of those idols where I’m almost a hundred percent sure his dick is humongous. First, it makes sense proportionally for his dick to be big considering that his hands, feet, and body are already huge. Secondly, there is various evidence online such as the time his fansite had to blur out his pants because his dickprint was too huge. I rest my case.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Sex with Yunho is very physically demanding, and he has a tendency of not knowing his own strength, so out of respect of his partner he’s okay with having sex 1-2 times a week. As long as his sex sessions are long with multiple rounds, it can satisfy his needs for the rest of the week before he gets horny again. He’ll never say no if you ask him for sex, even if you ask him daily.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Like I’ve mentioned, he almost always wants round two so the only way I see him sleeping afterwards is if he was already tired before the sex.
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pyomorphic · 9 days ago
‪I think “cancel culture”, as amorphous of a term as is it, is just the gen z version of yelling at service workers. which is ironic seeing as how much that practice is derided by the exact same people.‬
they both satisfy the same impulse. people feel a lack of power or control over their own lives and their environment, and so they try to compensate in the only way they know how: by berating someone else. old people love to yell at service workers because they are entitled and love the imbalance of power. it’s about supplementing their own powerlessness. when they feel beaten down by day to day mundanities and indignities, it’s fun to feel superior to someone for 5 minutes. when you are deprived of self-determination in your life, that little rush you get when barking at someone else is enticing.
for younger people it’s the same dynamic, but everyone is poor now and so it’s suddenly not cool to be mean to service workers. so instead you get off by calling someone or something else out. sometimes in justified ways, sometimes in less justified ways, but always for personal satisfaction. what proves this true is how many people convince themselves that internet drama is actually impactful in any serious way. it’s a coping mechanism for their own impotence.
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knowledgeisbeautiful · 11 days ago
What's holding you back? (Saturn - Astrology)
Saturn in the 1st house: Insecurities, inauthenticity, restricting your self-expression, a fear of being seen as "childish" which leads to an overly serious and controlled demeanour.
Saturn in the 2nd house: Self-esteem issues, not valuing/taking care of things that you should, bad and outdated values/beliefs.
Saturn in the 3rd house: Holding your opinions/thoughts back instead of expressing them, your siblings, your local environment/neighbourhood, ignoring mental/intellectual challenges, fear of appearing stupid.
Saturn in the 4th house: Your childhood, your family (emphasis on the mother), fear of experience/the world, isolation, emotional attachments/attachment issues, neglecting your inner child.
Saturn in the 5th house: Doubt in your creative abilities, suppressing your free spirit/childlike nature, fear of dating/flirting/romance, children, not expressing yourself, never letting yourself let loose/have fun.
Saturn in the 6th house: Bad habits, lack of routine (or too much routine), health issues/paranoia, work, laziness, pets, lack of skepticism, ignoring reality and your responsibilities.
Saturn in the 7th house: Commitment issues, inconsistency, treating people inconsiderately, obnoxious, self-centred attitude, caring about what everyone thinks of you (or not caring enough), fear of rejection/exclusion.
Saturn in the 8th house: Fear of intimacy/vulnerability, trust issues, not opening up, fear of death + the occult, fear of transformation, selfishness.
Saturn in the 9th house: Overly clinging to your beliefs/opinions (closed-mindedness), fear of adventuring into the unknown/inexperienced, inability to focus, being content with the knowledge you have when it is limited (lack of curiosity), black and white, rigid thinking.
Saturn in the 10th house: Caring about what everyone thinks of you (or not caring enough), obsessing over your reputation or not caring about it, authority figures, your dad, lack of ambition, fooling around with your career; not taking your vocation seriously.
Saturn in the 11th house: Rebelling against the crowd (or completely conforming), individuality complex, neglecting your friendships/social life, caring about what everyone thinks of you (or not caring enough), pessimistic attitude.
Saturn in the 12th house: Too much skepticism, inability to recognize your toxic habits and traits, ignoring your health, lack of compassion, ignoring your intuition and spiritual side, not looking for hidden motives/meanings, not healing.
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bairhallie · 14 days ago
“It was love, and I lived in it. And it is grief, and I will carry it.” Said so truly by Chloe Frayne. People say time heals, that’s bullshit. People say you’ll find another love, you’re young...fuck you. Unless you have watched the man you were going to marry, have babies with, pick ground for your house with... wither away in front of you, don’t talk to me. Keep your opinions to yourself. The insecurities I have years after I watched him take his last breath are insurmountable. Insecurities when I bicker with my SO I could actually see having a future with, are indescribable, immeasurable. I start crafting these scenarios that he’s pulling away, he’s looking at other girls, he’s fed up with my mood swings or self-deprecating talk. He keeps telling me he’s here, right in front of me, not going anywhere. At what point will I believe him, when he walks away? Why do I find things he says & twist them & give them negative connotations? I victimize myself to pick a fight, so there will be tension. I am almost positive I do it, so I won’t get too attached & he’ll leave. He walks away, I can’t lose him down the road & be completely blindsided. Mental health is interesting. I can feel phenomenal for weeks, even months at a time. And then when shit gets too serious, I sabotage & make him the bad guy. I’m good at picking fights when the potential becomes too real or he could actually be a part of my future. “Emotional dysregulation” essentially is lack of control over your emotions. The realization hit me hard. I am unable to handle my emotions properly. It can be from a traumatic experience...yeah, no shit. Is this why I cry over the most minute things or react numbly when something involves high stress? Probably...needless to say, today was not my best day. Here’s to another try tomorrow...
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thefoxdenrp · 15 days ago
Who Am I?
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Openness: 84% Your high level of openness suggests that you are imaginative, creative, and comfortable with variety and change. But you can also tend towards individualistic behavior and impractical thinking.
Conscientiousness: 0% You like to act immediately on impulse, which can be both effective and fun. But if taken to the extreme this can produce undesirable long term consequences for yourself and others.
Extraversion: 88% Your high level of extraversion suggests that you experience positive emotions from social situations and activities, so are likely to seek them out and thrive in them.
Agreeableness: 93% You value getting along with others, so are considerate, friendly, and willing to compromise your interests for the benefit of the group around you. As a result you tend to be very popular.
Neuroticism: 97% You are emotionally reactive and prone to react intensely to events with feelings that linger for some time. This can affect your ability to think clearly or cope with change and stress.
OUTLOOK: Emotional Emotional people tend to embrace their positive and negative emotions fully, which means they have lives full of excitement. But it’s all too easy to switch between happy and sad very quickly, and it’s important that the highs and lows balance each other. There may be times when you would benefit from stepping back from a situation to protect yourself from getting too carried away.
CHARACTER: Thoughtful Thoughtful people have a very giving and sympathetic character and are genuinely interested in and concerned about others. However, they can sometimes lack the persistence to follow through with their positive intentions. Luckily, you’re very adept at inspiring good feelings and actions in others who can help carry you along too.
SELF-CONTROL: Reserved You may feel a bit conflicted when you’ve been wronged. On the one hand it can affect you deeply to the point of feeling victimized, but on the other you can be scared of saying something about it for fear of upsetting other people. The result is that your anger might be directed inwards, which is very unhealthy. You can’t always be the nice guy.
COMPOSURE: Direct Direct people can find it hard to resist their urges and impulses. In fact, when they really want something it’s hard for them to keep their desire in check. If you find it all too easy to sacrifice your long-term goals for instant gratification, or wake up with a major headache the next morning, this might be an aspect of your life that would benefit from a bit more concentration.
TASTE: Pioneer You’re interested in the new and different. Whatever it is, if you haven’t experienced it before, you’ll want to give it a try. People who share this characteristic also enjoy meeting people from different backgrounds, so thrive in big communal activities where they can learn about new places and perspectives.
SOCIABILITY: Leader People with this characteristic are likely to enjoy social situations where they can really shine - where they can be in charge and give instructions rather than take them. They tend to be natural decision makers. If you recognize this trait in yourself, remember to think about how other people might perceive your forthright approach.
ACTION: Spontaneous Spontaneous people tend to be pretty full of energy and love the thrill of new adventures. But that energy isn’t always completely constructive. Your spontaneity and impulsiveness might mean that it’s sometimes all too easy to drop those serious, unglamorous tasks for the promise of a good time.
ATTITUDE: Progressive People with progressive attitudes tend to have a great deal of faith in human nature and believe in education, co-operation and free thinking as ways to help develop society. They are willing to try new ideas and solutions and take a thoughtful approach to issues like social problems. It sounds like you tend to be seen as the voice of reason in most situations.
PROCESS: Dreamer Dreamers get very excited by the prospect of new ideas and ways of seeing the world, but they tend to lose their way in theoretical possibilities and flights of fancy. If this sounds like you, you might be seen as a fantastic starter but not so great finisher. But, no one can fault your enthusiasm and ability to thrive in the uncertainty of the new. Force yourself to be a bit more organized and you’ll blow people away.
RESILIENCE: Sensitive Sensitive people are extremely aware of potential dangers and problems around them - perhaps a little too aware sometimes. In fact, they tend to purposefully imagine worst-case scenarios. If you recognize this trait in yourself, rather than let yourself be overcome by fear use these theoretical situations to stimulate yourself to come up with imaginative solutions.
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charlottes-weeb · 16 days ago
Every Body Is Valid and Beauty Should Never be a Straight Jacket
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This is a subject that deeply hits home for me. Representation of “plus-size” women and men in popular culture is something we’re beginning to hear much more about. As I write this I’m thinking about my own personal experiences as an “obese” child, and the downstream consequences it had for my life. Kids are cruel, but so is the world that shapes and incentivizes their behavior. I’ll spare the reader my life story, except to say that in my twenty-nine years, I’ve been diagnosed with anorexia and a couple of related eating disorders, body dysmorphia, have lost 125 pounds through methods no good for any body, and have seen the inside of a hospital room a time or two for symptoms related to it. In short, I know what it’s like to hurt intimately over my weight and body image. And as a male, I tend to be taken less seriously on opening up about it.
So when I see things like this, they really catch my eye. I absolutely love it. The person in this ad is authentic. She is unapologetically, defiantly wearing Calvin Kleins, staring the public directly in the eye. The look I see in her eyes (and I hope I’m correct) almost says “I dare you to be uncomfortable with this.” Having a 0-waist should never be a pre-requisite for validity. There is a damaging misconception floating around that people who are plus-sized or overweight are simply so because they lack self-control and/or are sedentary. But this simply is not the truth. Although lifestyle and tendency to be more or less active can influence this significantly, so many of us who hurt for our weight and self-image are incorrectly assumed to be lazy or gluttons. To have physical qualities that we cannot control, or at least not without the expense of our health, and have those qualities essentially disqualified from the culturally-restricted category “beautiful” can be a heartbreaking thing to live with and watch. But look at this ad. She’s wearing comfortable designer clothes. Images of people as they are shouldn’t be restricted to “before” photos. Sure, there will be plenty of people who scoff. Sling nasty little jokes at her expense or shake their head at the company’s decision. But she is visible. Visible as a manifestation of beauty. Personally, I’m over the moon to see this sort of inclusion in pop culture. “Skinny” is a highly hegemonic, potentially deleterious standard of beauty to force everyone to suffer to adhere to, and what’s more, those hegemonic images we have of what constitutes beauty are nowhere near a representative sample of the overall population.
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(image copied from Google) Before I close on this point, I want to mention the lack of plus-sized and overweight male protagonists and models as well. That type of exclusion is not specific to either sex. Here’s a quick true story: I once made the point to someone that all male protagonists in Disney and hero flicks were pretty much universally cut and muscular, or at least thin. Their one counter-example? Shrek.
I personally consider it an extremely important step forward to open up the stage to serious discussions of body image, and representation of the very real spectrum of body types.
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morndas · 16 days ago
Re: your "chiseling" post (certainly feel free to ignore if you don't want long external input on your own personal life)
Making yourself smaller won't make people like you more, it just means you'll have less of yourself to share with folks who, theoretically, love all of your existence (even if there are aspects/bits that they don't like/aren't fans of). If they love you, they'll either love you for all of you or clearly communicate if they have a serious issue. If you're left doubting their affection or what they take issue with, it's due to a lack of love. Either of validating and affirming love from others, or a lack of self love (typically a result of violations from people in our past that we've internalized and normalized when we shouldn't).
You aren't a perfect person, you're human. There will be times you say the wrong thing or talk too loud or too long or just tick someone off because there was an unspoken trigger. (At least, that's been my experience.) But people who love you won't throw you away for that; if they truly want you in their life, they will be patient and kind. They will not keep a record of wrongs. They will hope with you and persevere with you. They won't leave you.
It's hard to believe that's possible sometimes. That you'll ever be someone's first choice. That someone will stay. That you'll ever experience that love. I wrestle with that all the time myself. But I know two things: 1) you DO deserve love like that. Not because you're perfect, but because you're uniquely you. You offer a light that no one else can, and people will be drawn to that like friendly moths. No matter what fools who have violated your trust and vulnerability have led you to believe, you do deserve love. Their mistakes do not change something innately true. You deserve love. 2) It isn't easy, but sometimes learning to love yourself kindly helps you to accept the love you do deserve. It also gives you agency to focus on something you can control, instead of other people which is notoriously harder to do. Just remember it's like learning to ride a bike: you don't fail if you fall down while learning, only if you never get back on the bike. You don't have to be in the Tour de France of kindly loving yourself to be successful. So wherever you are in your journey of loving yourself, you're learning and growing and that in itself is beautiful and good.
In short? You deserve love. You will experience love. Look for the kind moths (and feel free to swat away the flies who waste your time, I'm pretty sure they literally eat shit). You are stunning and brilliant and you illuminate so much good in the world. Until someone else sees it, you've got the admiration of at least one follower here. Take care, dear.
i don’t know what to say 🥺 thank you for this, it really means a lot 🥺
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toku-explained · 17 days ago
Evil Sentai
Because of Stacaesar, going to quickly cover some evil Sentai. For simplicity sake, we'll be leaving out the monster teams, as well as evil copies, and focus specifically on these characters who stand on their own merits as evil rangers.
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Bio Hunter Silva is not officially considered a Ranger, but is one of a number of showa era characters to hold some similarity to them. Unassociated with Gear, Silva and his partner robo Balzion had been part of the war that ravaged Bio 500 years earlier. Silva had come to earth to retrieve Balzion, coming into conflict with the Bioman team and Gear in the process, aiming to eliminate all Bio Particles.
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The Hana Kunoichi Gumi are the elite warriors of the Youkai Gundan, serving first Gashadokuro and later Daimaou.
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Jaden Sentai Neziranger are cyborg counterparts to the Megaranger team, possessing similar weaponry to their counterparts. Dr. Hinelar created them draining the energy for Javious to do so. The suits themselves were essentially prototypes for Megaranger created at INET before Hinelar's defection. Each was fixated specifically on destroying their counterpart, and possessed a monster form they would take on being damaged enough.
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Nakadai Mikoto was a genius surgeon who excelled at everything he did, having saved the life of Ryouga merely to prove he could. However that skill left him in a near constant state of boredom and apathy. Finding excitement in the Evolian's battles with the Abaranger, when he found the prototype Dino Minder as well as TopGaler's egg he decided to join in on the fun, learning that the Dino Minder would some day exploded only increased his amusement. Together they sought amusement, he brought Stegoslidon to their side, made Yatsudenwani his servant, and eventually assumed leadership over the Evolian forces.
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Wolzard, the Dark Knight was the most loyal of Infershia's forces to N Ma, acting in the interest of reawakening him. Having tamed Barikion he could grow to merge with him as WolKentaurus, and later WolKaiser. Even having leant his magic, in the form of the Wolzaphone, to Vancuria, he remained a serious threat to the Magiranger, having been responsible for the death of MagiMother in his first battle. Despite this he had a nobility to him, refusing to eliminate the Magiranger's when they were defeated, and acknowledged MagiRed's growing strength.
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Kurojishi Rio was responsible for the re-establishment of the RinJyuken Akugata, while RinJyu Chameleon Ken User Mele was one of the first Rinrinshi he reawakened, leading her to become his loyal number 2, falling in love with him despite his coldness. Rio sought true strength above all else, finding a challenge in GekiRed, and eventually leading him to accept leadership of Genjyuken, joining alongside Mele.
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Dark Buster is the ultimate form taken by Enter after completely absorbing Hiromu's data, completely replicating his abilities as Red Buster, and even those of his teammates.
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D, the Knight of Destruction, was the first Deboss Knight born during the original battle between Deboss and the Zyudenryu. By replicating the Zyudenchi technology he was made into a fake Kyoryuger, Deathryuger, armed with the Flute Buster boomerang and riding the D-Racer bike, and kidnapped Meeko to use her inherited ability to awaken and then forcibly control Tobaspino.
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Naga Ray, Hebitsukai Silver of the Kyurangers, longed to experience emotions in defiance of what his people considered the natural order of their world. Saddened by his continuing lack of true emotion as he saw it, Naga was tempted by Akyanba with promises of releasing his emotions, which she did in a fashion, accentuating his negative emotions. The result was a wild, sadistic Naga completely unlike his usual self, loyal to Jark Matter and Akyanba. His Seiza Blaster and Kyu Sickle took on a black colour as the Dark Seiza Blaster and Dark Kyu Sickle, and he was granted two new Kyutama, the Dark Kyutama and the Black Hole Kyutama, giving him various abilities as Hebitsukai Metal. Naga was eventually freed from his brainwashing, but retained the new Kyutama and access to his darker emotions, now able to use a slightly different Hebitsukai Metal form on the side of justice.
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Gaisoulg was an armour with a long history with the Ryusoul Tribe, and in fact preceded the Ryusoulgers, being created by Valma during the original war with the Druidon. Valma became drunk on the armour's power for a while before being defeated by the time displaced Kou and brought to his senses, and is implied to have created by the Ryusoulger technology afterwards. However, the armour slowly acquired a malevolent will of its own, resurfacing in the modern day during the Super Sentai Strongest Battle, where it possessed several rangers and learnt their techniques, before being defeated and left on Nemesis as the Rangers left. However, someone retrieved it, and Gaisoulg would appear on earth, assisting the Druidon on some schemes.
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cheri-translates · 18 days ago
[CN] Victor’s Sand and Sea Date
🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 砂海之约, which has not been released in EN! 🍒
Warning: There are mentions of blood and self-injury! 
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[ This date was released on 28 April 2021 ]
Legend tells of two lovers. Because of the pressures of their nations, they could not be together, and decided to drown themselves in a river for love.
Because of this, the River Goddess was enraged, and she cursed the land nourished by the river which was under her control.
Since that day, the Socya River gradually dried up.
The Goddess left an exhortation - when the fateful couple reappears on this land, the river will be surge once again...
The sand is boundless, and the sandy wind is bothersome. I walk in the desert, wiping off sweat. 
MC: After walking for such a long time, why haven’t I reached the Desert Kingdom? Did I get lost?
Retrieving a map from my waist, I’m just about to verify my direction when I suddenly see a camel continuously pacing around a small sand dune in front.
I walk over curiously. Using my hands to sweep away the sand, a wrinkled, dark red sleeve appears.
MC: There’s a person!
Quickly, I use both hands to dig into the sand dune, digging out a man who has been buried by the sand.
This person probably wasn’t unconscious for too long. His lips are dry and cracked, and his face is pale. Even so, one can tell that he’s handsome. 
I pat his face.
MC: Hey, wake up! Wake up-
After patting him numerous times, I still receive no response from him. I hastily hold him up, opening my waterskin and giving him a mouth of water.
[Note] A waterskin is a receptacle used to hold water!
After a very long time, he gradually regains some consciousness, opening his eyes to look at me.
His voice has not been fully restored, and his tone is cold.
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?: ...who are you?
The expression in his eyes gives me a fright. Feeling as though my good intentions were for nothing, I purse my lips and respond.
MC: I’m the person who pulled you out of the sand dune. You were under the sun for too long. If it weren’t for me, I’m afraid you’d have turned into a meal for the golden eagles by night.
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Hearing this, his brows furrow. He struggles to stand, but since he was unconscious for so long, he lacks strength, and his knuckles turn white from the effort.
I reach out to support him. The camel leans over, using its head to nuzzle the corner of his clothes affectionately.
When the person stands up, I realise that he’s much taller than me. Even though he’s in a weak state, there’s still a noble aura in his eyes.
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He glances at me, his voice a little hoarse.
?: Thank you very much for saving me.
Just as I’m about to wave my hands and say that it was nothing, I watch as that man unties the bag at his waist, giving it to me.
?: The gems inside shall be treated as repayment for saving my life.
I open the bag, and the red gems that fill it dazzle me.
MC: ...
After selecting one piece, I return the bag to him.
MC: I saved you because I happened to pass by, and wasn’t seeking anything in return. You being safe is already the best thing.
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The man lifts his head, giving me a serious look.
Being stared at like this makes me feel slightly embarrassed. I pat the travelling bag behind me, asking him in an amicable manner.
MC: Oh yes, I’m MC. What’s your name?
He leads the camel forward, his voice in the sandy wind indistinct and faraway.
?: Victor.
Although this person was overheated for such a long time, he’s as solemn as a mountain of ice. How strange.
Despite my unspoken criticism, I chase after him with good intentions.
MC: Hey, don’t underestimate me. It’d take several days to get out of here. If you didn’t bring water, you can’t last long alone. Since I’ve received your gem, let me be responsible for you.
Even though I just dug him out from the sand dune, his tone remains very calm.
Victor: There isn’t much water left in your waterskin, and it isn’t enough to sustain two people.
He pauses, then continues.
Victor: Don’t care about me. Take care of yourself.
I’m left dumbfounded. Even though this man called Victor doesn’t have a great personality, he’s pretty kind-hearted.
I take a large step forward, standing in front of him.
MC: Who says there isn’t enough water in the waterskin?
Grinning, I reach out to uncover the waterskin, pouring a few droplets of water into my palm.
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Victor watches my every action quietly. After a moment, his eyes widen slightly.
Victor: You...
The water droplets in my palm seem to obtain some strength from my body. One droplet turns into countless droplets.
Then, it forms a spring, flowing into the waterskin.
MC: I'm not a typical traveller. If you follow me, you won’t lose out.
The sun is akin to a red wheel, hanging faraway in the sky. Even after walking for a very long time, it only shifts a little.
The travelling bag on my back feels heavier and heavier, and I haul it on my shoulders with effort.
Victor suddenly pauses in his steps, then reaches out to take my travelling bag.
He brings the camel to me, lifting his eyes to look at me.
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Victor: If you can’t walk, you can ride on the camel.
After being stunned for a moment, I can’t help but smile while waving my hands.
MC: No need. It looks really weak, so I can’t bear to do that.
Victor doesn’t say anything else. I follow beside him, making bits of conversation with him.
MC: Victor, why did you faint in the desert? Since you’re so rich, did you meet a bandit? Are the bells on your camel’s neck made of gold? They’re so exquisite! Oh yes, are you going to the Desert Kingdom? I also wish to go there...
Victor stops abruptly.
Following behind him, my head unexpectedly bumps into his back.
MC: Sss... what happened?
Victor: We’ve arrived.
I stick out my head from behind him.
An oasis is encased amid the boundless sand, reminiscent of a dark green amber.
MC: The Desert Kingdom? We reached so quickly?
Victor glances at me, as though wanting to say something. But I suddenly feel unsteady on my feet, and my body sways.
My fingertips feel weak. Instantly, I realise what’s going on.
Having stayed in the desert for too long, I had used too much of my abilities and had forgotten about its side-effects.
My vision gradually turns blurry. My legs are no longer able to support me, and I feel like I’m about to fall.
The sound of frantic camel bells drift to my ear. In my daze, a steady embrace seems to surround me.
When I wake up, I’m no longer at the place where I fainted, but am in a palace.
Bright coloured gems are used as decorations, engraved into the walls. The curtain is blown up by the wind, and the air is filled with the fresh and sweet scent of orange blossom water.
MC: Where am I?
I peel open the blanket and rush outside. Victor is standing under a veranda, and the person beside him, who appears to be a physician, is talking to him about something.
Seeing that I’m here, he tilts his head slightly. The physician bows before withdrawing.
Victor walks over to me. The dazzling sunlight illuminates the corridor, mottled light falling on his tall frame, warm and brilliant.
Victor: You’re awake. How are you feeling?
Just as I’m about to ask him what this place is, I realise something after seeing his resplendent attire.
MC: You... Could you be the feudal lord of the Desert Kingdom?
He looks at me without responding, akin to a silent acknowledgement. I feel slightly surprised.
MC: In that case, you must definitely know about desert roses, right?! I heard that this flower is a secret that only the feudal lord of the Desert Kingdom knows about.
The rumoured desert roses are able to cure all the curses in the world.
MC: I came to the Desert Kingdom to collect these special roses. Since I’m considered your benefactor, and a droplet of water will be returned with a gushing spring, could you...
My hint is extremely obvious, but Victor narrows hie eyes at me.
Victor: When you fainted, I was the one who rescued you, sent you a doctor, and fed you medicine. I’ve already returned your droplet of water with a gushing spring.
I’m choked off for a moment, before speaking softly.
MC: that case, what must I do before you’re willing to tell me?
Victor ponders slightly.
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Victor: I want to make a deal with you. I’ve heard about what you mentioned, and I can you search for it. But in return, you have to help me with one thing. If you’re willing, no matter whether it’s desert roses or gems, I can give them to you once the matter is done.
MC: Sure.
Victor: ...I haven’t even mentioned what it is.
MC: I trust you. We walked out of the desert together, and I know what kind of a person you are.
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It might have been a misperception, but Victor, who originally pulled a long face, suddenly lowers his eyes slightly, a hint of a smile flashing past them.
And just like that, I stay in Victor’s palace temporarily.
He mentioned that “the deal” was not yet prepared. Before that, I can recuperate peacefully in his palace.
It doesn’t matter to me. During my stay here, I often take strolls in the marketplace, and all use my abilities to help the poverty-stricken citizens who lack water.
The people are kind and honest, so I always fail to take note of how much I use my abilities.
But for some reason, each time my body reaches its limits and faints, I always happen to meet Victor.
Opening my eyes, I stare at the familiar gorgeous decorations on the ceiling, the tip of my nose detecting the sweet orange blossom scent floating in the air.
Victor is sitting by my side, eyes lowered as he looks at the topographical map in his hands.
The tips of his hair have fallen to the corners of his eyes, covering those somewhat stern eyes. But he appears much more amiable and approachable.
I know that I was once again rescued and brought back by Victor, so I crack a joke.
MC: Victor, why are you always able to bring me back each time I faint? Are you secretly following me every day?
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Victor: ...
Victor places the topographical map at the side, facing me calmly.
Victor: I don’t wish to bring you back from the outside each time, but you clearly lack an awareness on how to use your abilities reasonably. Do you need me to teach you about this?
MC: It’s probably because I can skip and jump about after a few days of recuperating.
I add on softly in my heart: It’d be good if I could find the desert roses soon.
Victor: The fact that you’re able to skip and jump about is thanks to the exorbitant medicine you drink every day and the physician who specially takes care of you.
MC: ...thanks to them, I guess?
Victor is silent for a moment, choosing to put an end to this conversation. He gets up, carrying the medicine bowl as he leaves.
Seeing that I’ve gone too far with my jokes, I quickly get up, following behind Victor to salvage the situation.
MC: Victor, I was wrong. I won’t joke around with you anymore.
I follow after him blindly, and he suddenly stops outside the corridor.
Outside the corridor, there’s a small flower garden. Even though it’s a flower garden, there are only a few tiny crooked saplings in it.
The desert is scorching during all four seasons, and the oasis lacks a water source. During my time here, I haven’t seen a single flower in the city.
But Victor seems to really like this small flower garden. Whenever he has free time, he likes to stop at this veranda for a while.
Sometimes, I think that he doesn’t actually like this flower garden. When he stares at the small bare saplings, it’s as though he’s looking at this barren kingdom.
Even though such emotions are meant to be faraway for me, I can always capture them when I stand beside him.
After pondering for a while, I brisk walk into the flower garden. Uncovering my waterskin, the tip of my finger touches a water droplet.
A crystal clear spring suddenly appears, descending onto the bare branches of the saplings.
I turn my head towards Victor, tilting my chin in satisfaction.
MC: Don’t worry. With me around, your flower garden will definitely become full of vitality. Also, by the time they grow big, this land will definitely have even more sources of water.
Victor stands under the veranda, his gaze passing through the countless water droplets, landing on my face.
He doesn’t speak, but simply watches me quietly. When our eyes linger on each other, I feel my face burning up for some reason, and I avert my gaze frantically.
MC: [blushing] Why... why aren’t you saying anything?
Victor: Have I ever told you that this place didn’t always look like this?
I shake my head.
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He suddenly smiles, then sits on a step of the veranda. He pats the empty space beside him, beckoning me to go over.
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Victor: There’s a story. Want to hear it?
I immediately shuffle over, sitting beside him. The distance between us is very small. When I turn my head, I’m able to see his narrow, deep and serene eyes.
I hug my knees, preparing to listen to Victor’s story.
The setting sun brings with it an afterglow which seeps through the other side of the palace. The simple moonlight slowly reveals itself in the light greenish blue sky.
As though he’s about to tell a very long story, Victor sends a maidservant to bring over a jar of grape wine.
I take a sip, and the sweet scent of grapes rushes to my face along with the night breeze.
Victor’s tone is unhurried and gentle, mixing with the honeyed fruit wine, and flowing into my heart.
Victor: A long time ago before I was born, it was said that the upper and lower basins of the river belonged to two tribes. A pair of lovers surmounted the obstruction of the river and were in love. But this wasn’t allowed by their respective nations, which resulted in them drowning in a river for love. The River Goddess is responsible for water and life. She lamented these two people who died for love, and put a curse on the river.
MC: The people here mentioned this before! I heard that the river would only be restored when the fated couple reappears. I also heard that you abandoned the honour and glory of leading a comfortable life as a feudal lord... and led the king’s troops here, in order to find a way to resolve the issue of the dried river. Have you tried searching for the fated couple?
Victor: As compared to legends, I prefer believing in the power of humans. I spent a very long time to find this current spring, but I don’t want to stop here. I want to restore the river completely.
His voice is very deep, and it affects me subconsciously.
MC: The people here... including you, are all very kind, and treat me very well. If possible, I hope to witness the day the river is restored too.
Emotions I can’t comprehend gather in Victor’s eyes.
Victor: The current river was dug from quicksand a very long time ago when I led the troops. There isn’t much river water underneath quicksand, so this oasis doesn’t count as an actual oasis. The reason you... met me in the desert back then was because my my troops and I ran into a sandstorm while searching for other underground rivers. I was buried by sand, and only had a camel with me. It was considered a hopeless situation. But afterwards, you appeared before me.
He chuckles softly, his expression so tender that it’s akin to being able to pluck the moon from the sky with just a stretch of a hand.
Victor: Perhaps your appearance is something even the God of Fate couldn’t predict. Maybe with your abilities, the underground river could become a true river. MC, this is the deal I mentioned before. But now, as compared to a deal, this is more of a request. Will you agree?
This is the first time he’s using such a tone and looking at me with such a gaze. Pretending to be calm, I secretly take a deep breath before responding.
MC: Of course. This is something which can bring hope. Even though I’m just an ordinary person, I want to use my own strength to do something. At least... to be of help to you even by a little bit.
Victor pauses.
Victor: The desert roses you’re searching for are flowers that can only be produced by the Socya River. If the river can be restored, I promise you.
The dry breeze brushes my face, and I hear Victor’s soft and low voice, akin to a vow.
Victor: I’ll help you obtain everything you want. No matter... what you want.
I respond with a soft “mm”.
MC: I’ll wait for that day earnestly.
Not long after, Victor’s men dig into quicksand. Apparently, some river water flowed out.
Coincidentally, the grandest festival in the Desert Kingdom - the River Goddess’ ceremony, is about to begin. Victor and I decide to try restoring the river on that day.
But the night before the ceremony, I take my usual idle stroll along the streets, and darkness suddenly takes over my vision -
The cloth in front of my eyes is removed, and the harsh light of dancing flames enter my vision. Not yet adjusted to the surroundings, I squint while looking around.
A boundless desert is before me.
A few people dressed in attire from a foreign nation are whistling nearby, and a man who appears to be their leader is sitting next to the bonfire.
Seeing that I'm awake, he walks over.
Leader: We finally caught you, the “goddess” who can turn a droplet of water into a gushing spring.
MC: Mmff!
A ball of cloth is stuffed in my mouth. I struggle to speak, but a knife glinting with cold light is immediately pressed to my neck.
Leader: I’d advise you not to struggle or have the vain hope of Victor coming to rescue you. He’s currently leading troops in digging a river, and doesn’t have the time to bother about whether you’re dead or alive.
The blade shifts upwards, patting my cheek threateningly.
Leader: From now onwards, your abilities belong to our tribe. If you agree obediently, I’ll loosen the binds. How’s that? If you agree, blink your eyes.
I keep my eyes open wide, unwilling to let my abilities be used by people with ulterior motives.
Seeing my reaction, the leader laughs coldly, raising the knife in his hand.
Leader: Stubborn even at death’s door. Looks like you’ll have to suffer for a bit.
My heart grows heavy quickly.
While watching as the knife draws closer to me, I hear vibrations from afar which resemble thunder.
I immediately lift my eyes, and see a group of figures in black appearing from the horizon.
Those people are dressed in familiar attire, and the person in front has his usual stern expression, his lips pursed tightly.
The leader turns pale with fright, pulling me over as a hostage.
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Victor brandishes his scimitar. The blade reflects the moonlight of the vast desert, outlining its sharp and beautiful shape.
The king’s troops are well-trained. In an instant, the people from the foreign nation are suppressed.
The bonfire seems to be burning out, and it has lost its brilliant flames. After a moment of silence, I watch as Victor’s eyes land on me fixedly. 
Victor: Release her.
Leader: Whether I release her will depend on the great feudal lord’s attitude.
Victor walks over from the crowd, then tosses his knife onto the floor, his gaze deep.
Victor: My sincerity is sufficient. Let her go, and I can guarantee that your nation will not be touched in the future. 
The leader hesitates for a while, but he suddenly speaks ferociously.
Leader: Looks like this “Living Spring” is very precious to you. In that case, there’s more reason not to let her go. Our small tribe has been oppressed by the Desert Kingdom for far too long. With her, we never have to be bullied again.
While threatening Victor, he holds me and inches backwards.
I watch as worry flashes in Victor’s eyes. But he very quickly regains his composure, stepping closer.
Victor: Looks like I’ve indulged your people for too long.
His voice brings with it a mighty pressure, stirring the frantic emotions of the leader.
Victor: So long that you dare to threaten me.
Accompanying his voice is something flashing past, piercing the wrist of the leader. With a shriek, the blade pressed against my neck falls to the ground.
No longer fettered, I fall forward.
Victor immediately reaches out, pulling me into his arms.
Before I can say anything, I hear the soldiers at the side exclaiming.
Soldiers: Not good. A sandstorm, a sandstorm is here!
Lifting my head, I see a billow of sand moving towards where we are.
The person next to me instantly presses me to his chest.
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Victor: Grab my hand tightly.
The windstorm at my ear is reckless, and I’m unable to open my eyes. I can only cling to Victor’s chest.
After an unknown duration of time, the sandstorm finally passes. 
I immediately open my eyes, spitting out a large mouthful of sand.
MC: Cough cough... Victor, the sandstorm has passed!
Victor doesn’t speak, leaning against a stone. Lifting my head hastily, I see that his eyes are shut, and his fingers are ice-cold.
MC: Victor? Victor?!
I attempt to shake him awake, but when my hand accidentally touches his back, I feel something damp and sticky. Dumbfounded, I retract my hand -
Fresh blood.
Shifting my line of sight, I see that the sharp flying rocks have left a long gash on his back.
Earlier, he had left his wound exposed to the sandstorm, quietly protecting me in his arms.
My palm is dyed with his blood. I frantically tear off a patch of clothing and try to stop the bleeding, but to no avail.
MC: [crying] What should I do...
I carefully rest Victor’s head on my lap. The moonlight outlines his pale face, stern expression, and dry lips.
This is a sign of a severe lack of hydration.
However, I don’t have my waterskin with me. The only thing I can find is Victor’s knife, half-buried in the sand. 
After hesitating for a moment, I pick up the knife. Gritting my teeth, I slice my own palm.
Bringing my palm to Victor’s lips, fresh blood drips into his parted, parched lips, but nothing happens.
MC: No good, he still needs water...
At a loss, I lift my head. The desert before me is reminiscent of a gigantic beast in quiet hibernation.
The desert is a wasteland, without a single drop of water.
All of a sudden, a breeze rushes past, causing sand to be blown up. The camel at the side seems to sense something, and it tugs on my sleeve with its mouth, pulling me forward.
It tugs me forward for a short while, and my eyes widen.
Underneath the illumination of moonlight, a deep colour appears in the vast desert, which differs from the surrounding coarse sand.
MC: Quicksand? When there’s quicksand, there’s an underground river! As long as I can reach the underground river, I can let it flow... and there will be hope for Victor!
But what Victor once said comes to my mind -
Victor: The quicksands in the desert are extremely dangerous. It’s very easy for ordinary people to get swallowed up, which is why there’s a need to dig it slowly.
The camel whimpers softly, its bells tinkling along with its frantic movements.
Victor lies on the sand quietly, and it’s as though everything has returned to the beginning when we first met.
If possible, I’d really want to see the flourishing city at dusk with him again.
I pat the hair of the camel, speaking to it softly.
MC: Little Camel, even though I often pull out your hair in secret, since I fed you water...
I pause, swallowing some saliva.
 MC: If I don’t come back up later, find someone else to rescue Victor. Remember to run a little faster, got it?
After speaking to it, I take a deep breath, and try stepping into the quicksand.
A soft sensation is beneath my feet. I take a few more steps, and suddenly feel a powerful suction.
Almost instantly, everything beneath my waist sinks into the quicksand. I smell something moist, which differs from the dry sand. With difficulty, I reach out to feel for my surroundings.
The moon in the air is bright, clear, and cold. It observes my every action icily.
The sand beneath me flows continuously. Just as the sand is about to cover my mouth and nose, my wrist is suddenly gripped by someone. 
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Victor: Who gave you the nerve to head down the quicksand on your own?
Victor’s face appears before my eyes. Supporting himself with a hand at the edge of the quicksand, the other hand grabs onto my wrist tightly, exerting the remnants of his energy.
MC: Victor, I’m helping you look for a water source. Let go!
Victor: I don’t need you to save me a second time.
He talks through clenched teeth, his wound reopening once again, crimson blood dripping into the sand.
Frantic, I extricate myself from his hand, and the suction from below causes me to sink even deeper, bit by bit.
The moist and fine sand climbs up my neck, gradually sealing up my mouth and nose.
I cough violently, my face red as I speak.
MC: Victor... did you forget what I told you before? I agreed to your request, and now I’m fulfilling my promise.
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One side of Victor’s body has also been pulled into the quicksand. He gives me a deep stare, then suddenly releases the hand which supported him at the edge.
I stop breathing, watching blankly as the quicksand swallows Victor’s tall frame.
His gaze undulates like a tide, stirring with many emotions that I've never seen before.
Victor: Since you agreed to my request, you should know that my repayment wouldn’t be less than yours. No matter what awaits you, I’ll be with you.
His words are reminiscent of a vow, drifting to my ear. A thousand waves rise in my heart.
I recall the way he looked at me when I was held under duress. I recall the many moments that I didn’t take particular notice of.
In the many times that I fainted, I had felt someone holding me in his arms in my semi-conscious state.
That person walked very steadily, and I could hear the beating of his heart clearly, which covered all the ruckus in the surroundings.
My heart beats rapidly, and a certain answer is on the verge of surfacing. 
On that night when the arid summer breeze coursed past, he mentioned that it wasn’t a deal, but a request.
At this moment. I finally understand the difference between them -
A deal is a business transaction. But to Victor, a request has always been an exchange of feelings. this was what he meant.
I try my best to touch him, but even after exerting all my effort, I can only grip his pinky finger.
It turns out that no matter what the ending is, he’s willing to be with me.
Amid the darkness, a faraway sigh seems to drift from beneath the desert.
The quicksand, which was swallowing us like a tide, suddenly loses its oppressive strength.
At the lowest layer of the quicksand beneath our feet, there seems to be a near yet faraway sound of flowering water.
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The sound of water grows increasingly louder and clearer. Victor and I look at each other, eyes brightening.
I struggle to reach out, letting the tips of my fingers feel for the water current.
A whooshing sound of wind and sand rises from the desert, reminiscent of blessings being murmured by a pair of lovers.
It’s vast and lonely.
The sound of gurgling water suddenly appears at my ear, and a surging tide bursts from the sand, sending Victor and I out of the quicksand and towards the tip of the current.
The water curling around my fingertips is both powerful and gentle as it surrounds us. I reach out tentatively, and the water follows, sliding from mid-air.
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Surprised, I twist my head to look at Victor. In the mist, his expression is filled with gentleness.
The water surrounding us surges forward. Victor suddenly reaches out to pull me into his arms, carrying me out of the water before we tumble onto the riverbank.
After a long while, the gushing water gradually stops. A long, sparkling river appears beneath the moonlight, meandering and coursing faraway.
Several green seedlings appear along the riverbank, the tightly shut flower buds reflecting a little light.
MC: There are...
Victor: Desert roses.
He looks at me.
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Victor: MC, the river has been restored.
On the eve of the ceremony, the meeting hall is filled with congratulatory gifts from the nobles.
[Note] The timing doesn’t make sense because the whole kidnapping thing happened the night before the ceremony, yet it’s somehow the day before the ceremony now?? I’ll just assume there was an error and the writers meant that it’s the day of the ceremony LOL
I’m hiding outside the main hall, peeking in secretly.
After the news of the river restoration reached the city, everyone was filled with cheer. The preparations for the ceremony this time have become even livelier.
But such a grand celebration doesn’t appear to have any relation to me.
My deal with Victor has been completed. I’ve obtained the desert roses, and have no other reason for staying here.
Still, I want to have one more look at Victor... before leaving.
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Victor is sitting on a high seat and propping his head up with a hand, clearly uninterested in the praises and flattery from these nobles.
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As though he senses something, he glances in my direction from afar.
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I’m given a fright, turning around quickly and leaping down the stairs. But before I reach the halfway mark, someone suddenly grabs my wrist.
Victor: Where are you going?
I have no choice but to turn around and look at him.
MC: I’m leaving this place. Everything’s settled, and I’m bidding you farewell.
I avert my eyes guiltily, not having the guts to tell Victor that I plan to run away with his camel.
Victor: How did you know that everything’s settled?
MC: Huh?
I lift my head blankly. An incredibly small smile flashes in his eyes, and he speaks leisurely.
Victor: Back then, I made a promise to you. As long as you could help me restore the Socya River, all of the roses along the riverbank belong to you, as long as they are under my scope of control. You have to take them all away before the deal is considered complete.
My mouth is agape, filled with shock.
MC: But there are so many roses. How can I bring all of them back?
A scent sweeter than honey permeates the night. The moonlight illuminates the side of Victor’s cold face clearly. 
The instruments and drums in the hall play simple and unadorned music. Victor looks at me, his voice suddenly turning very, very soft.  
Victor: In that case, stay here. Stay by my side.
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Victor’s Post: A certain dummy displayed a row of desert roses on the balcony, but they aren’t roses.
MC: Huh? What!!!
Victor: Before you buy flowers next time, make sure to check their basic information.
Victor’s Post: A certain dummy displayed a row of desert roses on the balcony, but they aren’t roses.
MC: I was wondering why they looked so different from roses!
Victor: ...they don’t just look different.
Victor’s Post: A certain dummy displayed a row of desert roses on the balcony, but they aren’t roses.
MC: ...forget it, at least they can live longer.
Victor: Under your care, that’s not necessarily the case.
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