Trust You - Stiles Stilinski
Masterlist
Emails I Can't Send Masterlist
Summary : Your trust issues are getting worse as they start ruining your relationship with Stiles.
Warnings : hurt/comfort, angst, trust issues, mention of cheating parent, bad relationship with parents, self-sabotage, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.
Word count : 3.5k
French Version
Song inspiration : Emails I Can't Send by Sabrina Carpenter
‘Sorry, I’ll have to cancel tonight, I’m so tired because of lacrosse.’
You reread Stiles’ message at least three times before answering him with a simple ‘don’t worry, get some rest’. Even if your message seems insignificant, but your insecurities hide behind it.
Everytime Stiles can’t hang out with you because something comes up, a small voice comes talking to you just to scare you : ‘He doesn’t love you. He’s still in love with Lydia. He went to meet her. Or maybe he’s with Malia. Either way, he’s not with you. He cancelled to see another girl and spend the night with her because you’re not good enough.’. And lately, Stiles has cancelled a lot of dates, giving that small voice more strength. You’re struggling to not listen to it, but it can be convincing. You think Stiles would never hurt you, he’s loyal, but your fear is bigger than your trust.
That night, instead of being in your boyfriend’s reassuring embrace, you don’t sleep. You lay in your bed, hugging a pillow and letting tears wetting your cheeks. When your alarm rings, the idea of lying to your parents about being sick is really tempting for about a second, but you don’t want to stay in this house that hasn’t been a home for a week now. You need to leave, so you get out of bed and get ready for school.
When you arrive at Beacon Hills High, Stiles comes to you in an instant. He apologises again before taking you in his arms. You try to not show anything even if this small voice comes back in your head : ‘He’s probably not really sorry for looking elsewhere. He’s going to leave you for Lydia soon.’. You shake your head to chase it away unsuccessfully. During the morning, you stay silent and Stiles starts to worry. He noticed since the second you arrived something was wrong, but he is sure something’s up when lunch break comes. Indeed, you eat quickly and leave right after, pretending you have an assignment to do ; Stiles understands something's wrong with you even though he doesn't know what or why. In fact, you left when Lydia talked about what happened when she was at Stiles’, the day before. You felt a lump in your throat and you needed to be away from Lydia and Stiles. You ran away to the bathroom to cry freely. Your mind keeps torturing you, the voice was right : he wants to leave you for Lydia. He lied to you. You cry until the bell rings.
For the remainder of the day, Stiles tries to talk to you, in vain. You avoid him while your sadness slowly turns into anger. Though, Stiles is stubborn so he proposes to drive you home. For a moment, you want to refuse, but you need to confront him so you accept. You quickly send a message to your mom, telling her she doesn’t need to come pick you up. On the way home, you’re lost in your thoughts, trying to find the best way to talk to Stiles. As for him, Stiles drives nervously. When he parks in front of your home, you finally decide to not talk to him, wanting to avoid a new argument. You’re about to leave the Jeep when he holds you back. You look at him, fearing what he might say. Maybe the voice was right : you’re not good enough, he wants someone else, he’s already found someone else.
“Y/N, what’s the matter ?” He genuinely asks.
“Nothing.” You lie, making his eyes roll.
“I know you, there’s something wrong.”
You look at him for a second, weighing pros and cons before choosing to confront him.
“Why did you cancel last night ?”
“I told you, I was tired because of lacrosse.”
“You could have come to my place anyway. It’s not like we were gonna party. You know, if you wanted to be somewhere else or hang out with someone else, you could just have told me.”
“What are you talking about ? After school, I went home and slept.” He wants to know, frowning.
“Really ? So why didn’t you tell me you saw Lydia ?” You retort, crossing your arms on your chest.
“She just came for a few minutes, she needed to pick up something.”
“What thing ?”
“A book for school.”
“You couldn’t have given it to her today ?”
“She needed it to do her homework for today.”
“You could’ve told me.”
“Y/N, she stayed five minutes. I don’t need to tell you everything I’m doing.” He defends himself and you laugh humorlessly.
“You cancelled our night and Lydia came to your place, I think I have the right to know.”
“Why are you making such a big deal out of it ? It was for school.”
“I’m not making a big deal, but you lied to me.” You insist, pointing at him with your finger.
“I didn’t lie to you, when she left I went straight to bed because I was tired.”
“And when were you gonna tell me she came to your place ?”
“I didn’t think it was that important. Honestly, Y/N, why are you always so tense whenever Lydia comes up ?” He questions and you try to keep a neutral face.
“I just don’t like the way she’s glued to you.”
“She’s not glued to me.”
“Yes, she is, but how could you notice ? You’re too busy admiring her to notice it.”
“What are you even talking about ?”
“I’m just saying you’re really close to Lydia and almost every time you’ve cancelled it has been to see her.” You explain and Stiles runs his hand over his face, frustrated.
“She’s a friend.”
“Before you wanted more.”
“Yeah ‘before’, like you said. Why do you always mention the feelings I had for her ? Nothing ever happened and nothing will ever happen with her.” Stiles affirms.
“You should keep that in mind and tell her as well.”
“Y/N, honestly, I don’t see the problem.”
“I’m just stating a fact : Lydia is always glued to you so admit it.”
“Admit what ?” He demands, annoyed.
“You know what.”
“No, really I don’t.”
“Don’t take me for a fool, Stiles.” You order, dryly.
“What are you accusing me of ?”
“I’m not accusing you of anything.”
“Yet it feels like it. And it’s not the first time you do that. Everytime we argue, you mention Lydia, or even Malia, even when they don’t have anything to do with it.”
“What are you insinuating ? I’m annoying ? I’m overreacting ?” You snap, on the defensive.
“I’m just saying I feel like you’re accusing me of being too close to Lydia even though I didn’t do anything.”
“But you’d want to.”
“Honestly, at that point, yeah, like that I’d know what you’re accusing me of.”
As soon as Stiles says his sentence, his eyes open wide as he realises what he just said. Your eyes get teary but you’re holding them back.
“Y/N, I-” He tries to say but you cut him off.
“Fuck you.”
You take your bag and leave the Jeep before slamming the car door and running to your home. Stiles hesitates for a second to follow you but decides to not do anything, knowing you won’t listen to him. You go to your room and lock yourself in. Angry tears run down your cheeks while you’re trying not to scream. You’ve already argued with Stiles before. Several times. Too many times, even. But he never went that far. All of this because you pushed him over the edge, but he did admit that if he could, he’d go to Lydia. You throw yourself on your bed, take your pillow and you yell in it. You let all your rage leave your body while your sobs become stronger and stronger. You keep telling yourself you’ve ruined everything because of your insecurities, you let them talk so much that you’ve ended up pushing Stiles in Lydia’s arms. You ruined everything because you have trust issues. It seems like you haven’t been able to give your trust for the past two years. After crying for an hour, you start breathing slowly to calm down. When you finally have a normal heart rate again, your bedroom’s door opens, letting you see your dad.
“We need to talk, Y/N”, your dad starts but you don’t answer, “You can’t keep ignoring me, Y/N, please.”
“Not today, I don’t have the strength.” You sigh standing up from your bed.
“No, it can’t wait anymore, we need to talk about it.”
“There’s nothing to say. Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.” You try to push him away, but he doesn’t move.
“Too bad, because we’re gonna talk.”
Understanding he’s not going to let go, you pass by him and leave your room.
“Come back here.” Your dad orders behind you.
“No.”
“For how long are you going to stay mad at me ?”
“‘Til the day you’ll be able to change the past.” You scream while walking to the living room.
“God, Y/N, even your mom forgave me.”
“And she shouldn’t have”, you explode, looking your dad in the eyes, “If it were me, I would have never forgiven you as quickly. Or at all.”
“Please, I don’t like to see my little girl angry at me.”
Your dad tries to softly put his hand on your cheek but you step back. You see the hurt in his eyes but you don’t care.
“Maybe you should’ve thought about it before destroying our family in one selfish night and I forbid you from calling me ‘your little girl’.”
“That night was a mistake. I regret it.”
“Is that the truth or a lie, like the time you pretended you were sleeping so you missed our family night ?” You interrogate, pretending to be clueless.
“Y/N, I’m sincerely sorry for the way I lied.”
“Don’t say sorry now, it’s too late.”
“Please, I’m trying to take a step towards you.” He begs, making you angrier.
“I don’t care. The fact is you let us down for some woman ! Because of what you did, mom was in the depth of despair. You made her suffer and you hurt me too. I don’t trust you anymore.”
“I know and I’ll spend the rest of my life resenting myself for it.”
“So you can understand why I don’t want to forgive you. You don’t know what it feels like to see the person you looked up to destroy the confidence you had. Now I can’t even look at you !” You retort, feeling the tears coming back and your dad looks down, ashamed.
“At least, tell me what I can do to fix this.”
“There’s nothing to do. I wish there was but you can’t do anything. You tore our family apart and I hate you for it. You talked about respect, fidelity and it didn’t stop you from betraying mom.”
You’re panting because of your anger. You take a second to try and calm yourself down before adding with a harsh tone “You disgust me. You’re such a dipshit.”
“You can be angry but I forbid you from talking to me like that !”
At the same time your dad reprimands you, you hear someone knocking on the door. You’re breathing quickly while you’re walking to the entrance. You turn back to your dad one last time “I don’t give a fuck.”
As you open the door, you find Stiles. You look at him and suddenly your tears roll down your cheeks. He smiles at you awkwardly, not knowing what to do because of what he just heard.
“Can we leave, please ?”
He hears your broken voice, Stiles doesn’t waste a second before taking your hand and walking you to his Jeep. Your dad follows you, ordering you to come back. As a response, you flip him the bird while Stiles starts his car.
You drive in silence. Your anger towards your genitor cools down, but you still feel a pain in your chest because of your discussion. You never would have thought you’d say those kind of awful things to your dad, but you also never would have thought he’d hurt you, both you and your mom. You try to wipe your cheeks but they become wet again a second later.
After driving for thirty minutes, Stiles pulls over next to a park. He looks at you with sympathy, trying to find a way to start the conversation. You take several breaths before looking at him.
“Wanna talk about it ?” Stiles questions with a soft voice.
“There’s not a lot to say”, you sniff, “I guess you heard everything.”
“Just when you insulted him.” He confirms while he offers you a tissue.
“He deserved it.”
You take the tissue and wipe away your tears before blowing your nose.
“Why did you come to my place ?” You start again.
“I… I wanted to apologise. I shouldn’t have said I wanted to be with Lydia. First of all because it’s not true, but also because I hurt you. I feel bad because I caused you pain.”
“You don’t have to apologise, Stiles.” You state with a small voice.
“Of course I do ! I was being mean when I said that.” he retorts, mad at himself.
“I pushed you over the edge. I’m always trying to find you flaws to turn them against you, even though you did nothing wrong. I hurt you because I can’t trust. It’s my fault if you said that.”
“You didn’t force me to say it.”
“I made you mad to force you to admit something that isn’t true. I’m sorry for always blaming you of cheating on me with Lydia. I know you’re honest, but I can’t help but be afraid.” You admit, ashamed.
“You feel threatened by Lydia ?” He asks, trying to understand.
“If it wasn’t her, it’d be Malia and if it wasn’t her, it’d be another one. I… I’m just so afraid you’re going to look elsewhere.”
“Does it have something to do with what I heard ?”
As a response, you nod. You stay silent for a second, wondering if you should talk to him about it. Finally, you tell yourself you’ve probably already ruined everything so it’s better to admit it.
“My dad cheated on my mom two years ago. She discovered it a few months after that and then, she broke up with my dad. When I learned the truth, I had so much hatred towards him.”, you inform and you feel the tears coming back, “I never would have thought he’d do something like that. But I think the worst part was watching my mom when she learned about it. She didn’t leave her bed for a week, she was almost eating nothing. I tried to take care of her as much as I could. Never I’d thought I’d see my mom like that. When she started feeling better, we moved here. She wanted to be as far away from my dad as she could and honestly, I wanted the same.”
“Your dad came back to see you ?”
“No, my mom forgave him”, you explain, rolling your eyes, “They got back together four months ago. When she told me, I got so mad. How could she act as if nothing happened when he hurt her that much ? When he hurt us that much ? He came back home a week ago and since then, it’s been tense. I try to avoid him as much as I can, but he absolutely wants to talk to me and you saw how it generally ends up.”, you say with a fake laugh, “Anyway, that’s why I’m always afraid. Since his betrayal… I can’t have faith in people anymore.”, you admit while looking at your hands, “At least, until I met you. And even if I do, it’s not 100%. I’m always afraid you’ll hurt me, like he did. My parents were so in love and my dad was so respectful towards my mom, I never would have imagined he could cheat on her and now, I’m scared the same thing will happen to me.” You unveil looking at him, hoping he’ll understand. “And I know you gave me zero reason to doubt you, but my dad also gave my mom zero reason to doubt him and it didn’t stop him. I know I’m villainising you, trying to make up love affairs, but I can’t help it. Because of my dad, I can’t help but imagine the worst. I know I’ve always been the cause of our fights and because of that, I hurt you a lot but I swear to you, I don’t want to hurt you and even less ruin our relationship, but I can’t do it differently. I feel like I can’t love right and I hate that.” You cry.
Stiles cups your face, trying to wipe away your new tears. You close your eyes when you feel his touch, liking your closeness.
“Y/N, it’s okay.” He mutters and you break the embrace.
“No, it’s not.”, you affirm, “I’m ruining our relationship because of my stupid fears, my relationship with my dad isn’t going to be fixed soon and even my relationship with my mom is not for the better now and I have so much anger in me.”
“It’s normal, you’re hurt. You have the right to be angry.” Stiles assures you and you shake your head.
“But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life angry, especially if I end up hurting you because of it. And also, I’m not only mad at my dad, but also at myself.”
“Why ?”
“Even if my dad fucked up, I still love him. Earlier I told him I hated him to hurt him, but I didn’t mean it. I wish I could, but I can’t and at the same time, I can’t forgive him.” You sob.
“We’re talking about your dad, it’s okay to be mad at him and still love him.”
“Do you think I should pardon him ? After all, my mom did it and he asked for forgiveness several times.”
“I can’t make that decision for you. Do it only if you feel the need. Your dad betrayed you, he has no right to force you if you don’t want to do it. Your mom made that choice, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same.”
“But what if it was the solution to move on and finally be able to fully trust you ?”
“I think you should work on yourself first to know if you need to forgive him or if you can trust again without it.”
“But what about us ?” You whisper, fearing his response.
“We’ll do what you want. I… I’d understand if you want to break up with me to focus on your family problems.” He states, even if the idea of being away from you scares him.
“I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you, Stiles. Right now, you’re the person I trust the most, even if it doesn’t look like it. I don’t want to do it alone, I need you next to me.”
“Alright, I’ll stay then.” Stiles smiles, wiping a tear from your cheek. “But from now on, I want you to talk with me. I don’t want you to stay alone, torturing yourself by imagining the worst. When you feel like it’s becoming too much, come talk to me, okay ?”
“Okay. Thank you Stiles. Not only for listening to me, but also for not giving up on me, despite everything I put you through.”
“You’re worth it.” He affirms and you look at him with tenderness in his eyes.
“And I’m really sorry for everything I said.”
“It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”
You throw yourself in Stiles’ arms, needing his comfort. When he holds you tighter, you finally let go of a sigh and your shoulders relax a bit, as if every tension from your body were gone. Stiles strokes your back, hoping to calm you down a little bit more. You hide your head in the crook of his neck, wanting to feel his presence. Even if it was nerve wracking, you know now you needed to talk to him about your dad and your fears. Talking to him about it allowed you to realise your trust in him has become a little bit stronger. Now, you’re sure Stiles would never hurt you. He knew how to be patient and didn’t give up on you, even if you gave him every reason to. You’re grateful for having him next to you. You know, one day, you’ll trust him entirely.
Masterlist
Emails I Can't Send Masterlist
{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}
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Masterlist:
______________________________________________________________
Short Stories
The independence of the red desert planet
Teen Wolf
Theo Raeken:
Undying love
A good deed
Night of the nights
Love that went through hell
Love always comes back
It will get better
A rotten Christmas
Just another night in my pick-up truck
Hardening hatred
The Onlooker
Theo Raeken Series:
Water from the past P.1
Living with the past P.1
A welcome stranger P.1
A welcome stranger P.2
A welcome stranger P.3
The memory of purple fields (1/2)
The memory of purple fields (2/2)
Derek Hale:
Just one danger of loving a hale
A final decision
A hazelnut brown-eyed boy
Last breath
The unknown son (First Version) - Requested
The unknown son (Second Version) - Requested
The Art of Seduction
Liam Dunbar:
The blindness of the rain
*Art of Seduction
*His type
Jordan Parrish:
Hellish breeze of a warm late summer day
A hellhounds fading innocence
Christmas lights
If you only had known
*Art of Seduction
The dead soldier
A (funny) Christmas revelation
Peter Hale:
*Mornings like this
*Art of Seduction
Brett Talbot:
Refreshed love
*Art of Seduction
Overprotective Brothers
Ethan Steiner:
Good old times
Isaac Lahey:
Unexpected savior
*Art of Seduction
A wolf’s undead protector
Vernon Boyd:
Frat boy slasher
Multiple characters:
Broken promise of a normal day - Brett Talbot/Theo Raeken
Charming love - Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Old love - Liam/Isaac
Deaths cold touch - Allison Argent/Aiden Steiner/Gabe/Theo Raeken/Scott McCall
*Warmth of two bodies - Aiden Steiner/Ethan Steiner
*Just a normal game night, right? - Isaac Lahey/Cato (Hunger Games)/Logan (OC)
The mentor - Liam Dunbar/Jordan Parrish
The jock brother - Liam Dunbar (brother)/Jordan Parrish/Theo Raeken
A night to remember - Theo Raeken/Liam Dunbar
If I were brave enough - Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken/Male reader
The first taste of disobedience
Lost Love (Request)
Betrayal
Snowy Winter Fun - Theo Raeken/Liam Dunbar (slight Brett Talbot and Isaac Lahey)
The new guy - Sean Walcott, Aiden Steiner, Ethan Steiner, Liam Dunbar, mentioned Theo Raeken
Series with multiple characters:
Apprentice hunter:
Part 1 - Nolan Holloway/Gabe
Part 2 - Nolan Holloway/Gabe/Theo Raeken
Helping alpha:
Part 1 - Jordan Parrish/Theo Raeken
Part 2 - Jordan Parrish/Theo Raeken
Part 3 - Jordan Parrish/Theo Raeken/Corey Bryant/Gabe/Nolan Holloway
The elf and his supernatural harem:
*Part 1 - Jordan Parrish/Deputy Strauss
*Part 2 - Deputy Strauss/Stiles Stilinski/Scott McCall/Theo Raeken
Lurking in the dark:
Part 1 - Jordan Parrish/Brett Talbot
The Order
Randall Carpio:
*Unexpected Love
*The Art of seduction
Multiple characters:
Worth it - Randall Carpio/Hamish Duke
Shadowhunters
Alec Lightwood - Serie:
Raven-haired beauty:
Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Part 4:
*Part 5:
Alec Lightwood:
Through sickness and annoyance
*Art of Seduction
The last straw
Vampire Diaries/The Originals/Legacies
Klaus Mikaelson/Hope Mikaelson - Serie:
The fairy stone:
Part 1:
Part 2:
Klaus Mikaelson:
Art of Seduction
Matt Donavan:
Pretty boy with ocean blue eyes
*Art of Seduction
Jeremy Gilbert:
The hunter and its prey
Former friends
*Art of Seduction
It’s always the small guys
The helpful teacher
Malachai “Kai” Parker:
The betrayed and the heretic
*Art of Seduction
Jet Tien - Serie:
Fairy vengeance and the wrath of gods:
*Part 1:
Multiple characters:
The last heartbreak
Riverdale
Sweet Pea:
The sweet and the beast
The Sweet and the Trickster
The Sweet and the Shy
The Sweet and The jock
The Sweet and The Botanist
Onto new shores
The Promise
Heartless Business
Fangs Fogarty:
*In need of better grades
Reggie Mantle:
Price of a lie
Shallow friends
The gentle love of two doves
The little brother
Connor Rowland (OC)
Sleeping darkness in a tame church boy
Multiple Characters:
The crush of three - Requested - Reggie Mantle/Chuck Clayton/Archie Andrews
The scumbag jock boyfriend - Reggie Mantle/Archie Andrews
Series with multiple characters:
The gay and the jocks:
Part 1: Chuck Clayton
*Part 2: Chuck Clayton/Archie Andrews/Connor Rowland (OC)
*Part 3: Chuck Clayton/Archie Andrews/Connor Rowland (OC)
The Truth:
Breaking of trust: Reggie Mantle
A last resort: Reggie Mantle/Sweet Pea
Not much of a stranger: Reggie Mantle/Sweet Pea
A friendly competition: Sweet Pea/Reggie Mantle
Throne of three crowns:
General Pea: Sweet Pea
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
Nicholas Scratch:
A warlock's false devotion
Multiple Characters:
Unholy, holy trinity: Nicholas Scratch/Caliban
9-1-1
Evan Buckley:
Nature of flames
Edmundo ‘Eddie’ Diaz:
The best revenge is a life well lived
DC
Dick Grayson:
Messages above the grave
Loving the oldest of four brothers
The smell of love
Sweet reminder of love
When your best friend is (a) Dick
A good neighbor
Winter feast
His Audacity
Death of a Nemesis
Jason Todd:
Back from the dead
The duality of love
Danger of love
Clark Kent:
Maturing of Superman
*Vivid blue eyes of a lewd All-American man
Jon Kent:
The Golden Crown
Bruce Wayne
The good Dad
Batfamily:
Worst day
Worst day (2)
The favorite Bat-Brother?
Multiple characters:
The paradox of life - Clark Kent/Conner Kent
*The Master of Fulfillment - Jason Todd/Dick Grayson
Series with multiple characters:
The unfaithful bat:
The unfaithful bat: Bruce Wayne
Reckoning: Bruce Wayne
*A new villain: Bruce Wayne/Clark Kent
An almost forgotten birthday
New Professor
Part 1: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd/Tim Drake
Part 2: Revealing: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd/Tim Drake
Lust of their shadows:
*Part 1 - Dick Grayson
Original Characters:
Son’s best friend
Marvel
Multiple Character:
Teenage Crisis - Peter Parker/Logan (OC)
Series with multiple Characters:
Betrayal at a superhero - Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes
Betrayal at a superhero: The judgment - Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes
Miscommunication - Peter Parker/Logan (OC)/Connor Rowland (OC)
Miscommunication (2) - Peter Parker/Logan (OC)/Connor Rowland (OC)
Steve Rogers:
Save the Children
Saving the children
Fantastic four:
Multi-characters series:
Easy corruption of the straight, human torch (1)
Easy corruption of the straight, Human Torch and Mister Fantastic (2)
Twilight
Series with multiple Characters:
Whispering of the wolves - Paul Lahote
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Whispering of the wolves: The pain of claws - Paul Lahote
League of Legends
Sett series:
The Wanderer and The Boss
Winx Club/Winx Saga
Sky/Brandon/Riven - Series:
Fairy Prince
Fairy Prince (2)
Fairy Prince (3)
Fairy Prince - Hearts of Leviathans:
Masterlist
Vikings:
Bjorn Ironside:
Brothers
Pokémon:
Leon:
The rancher’s failing champion boyfriend
Star Wars:
Anakin Skywalker:
The light of the senate
A final revelation
Multi Characters Series:
The wild explosion of a one-sided love :
Part 1: Theo Raeken/Randall Carpio (Teen Wolf/The Order)
Multi-Character Serie:
The farmer:
Alec Lightwood/Sweet Pea P.1
The Art of seduction:
*Randall Carpio
*Liam Dunbar
*Jordan Parrish
*Derek Hale
*Peter Hale
*Brett Talbot
*Isaac Lahey
*Alec Lightwood
*Klaus Mikaelson
*Matt Donovan
*Jeremy Gilbert
*Malachai “Kai” Parker
*Malachai “Kai” Parker P.2
Info: Smut = *
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