#romance in fantasy is honestly so fucking bad so often. maybe it's good in other genres and i just don't know!

[leojurand]

i'm 60% into busman's honeymoon (enjoying it immensely) and it's so refreshing to read about a couple who adore each other and have endless chemistry, who follow each other's thoughts because they're both witty and intelligent... a couple who you read about and think, yeah, i get why they're together and why they're in love!

i'm allergic to m/f usually both because i prefer gay shit and because so many authors put zero effort into writing the romance in their novels (this is especially true in speculative fiction, from my experience). but when i read a romance like this it's really like wow. maybe i'm not as heterophobic as i thought maybe i just want a good fucking romance!! an amazing discovery

also, for the love of god, we need more married couples in fiction. i love slow burns and will-they-won't-theys as much as anyone else but. give me more husbands and wives. AND also exes

#currently reading #peter and harriet are sooo perfect truly #up there for me with nicholas and gelis (who will probably always be my favourite het marriage) #romance in fantasy is honestly so fucking bad so often. maybe it's good in other genres and i just don't know! #will investigate further.

[snailmail444]

After reading the Masturbationen headcanons for the Bachelors… Can we get masturbation headcanons for the bachelorettes? 🫶🏻

Bachelorette Masturbation Headcannons

18+ 🌱 NSFW 🌱 MDNI

This took soooo long. So so long. But it’s HERE! I’ll probably be double posting today since the poll said post as I finish and I actually have two asks done hehe. Hope y’all are ready for a double feature! NSFW under the cut!

Penny-

🧡 It’s all or nothing for penny. Either her mom is out and she’s got all the time in the world, or her mom is home and she can’t hide a damn thing.

🧡 Luckily Pam has a solid routine every night, so Penny has been able to find time for herself when the mood strikes.

🧡 It’s not a usual occurrence for Penny. She’s got a lot of deep-seated repression that makes it tough for her to follow through on any sexual urges. She’s still undoing the small-town-youth dynamic that it’s dirty and shameful for women to pleasure themselves.

🧡 Sometimes though she’ll be reading fanfic (because let’s be so real you know she does), and she can’t ignore the ache in her center anymore.

🧡 Bites down on her lip and edges her bottoms off anxiously, still a little worried someone might jump out of the shadows and damn her in the name of Yoba for sinning.

🧡 Settles in pretty fast though, and lets herself get lost in the story. Pretends she’s the character being ravaged, typically in a highly romantic setting.

🧡 Penny seems like a total pillow humper to me. Gets all flushed and red and tries to muffle her moans as she grinds against the fabric.

🧡 Really sensitive so she doesn’t need much more than that. Maybe a free hand to play with her breast, but honestly not even that.

🧡 One and Done. The guilt sets in and she feels embarrassed all over once she finishes, so she throws everything in to wash and showers off the evidence ASAP.

Maru-

💜 Doesn’t have a ton of personal space/boundaries during the day. She has to wait until nighttime to even think of letting off some steam (thanks, Demetrius)

💜 Once she’s certain her parents are asleep—thank god Sebastian doesn’t ever leave his room, the night owl—Maru climbs down into the privacy of her workshop and allows herself to unwind.

💜 Maru is a woman in STEM. A gadget queen, if You will.

💜 She only has a couple of toys, but they’re high-end splurges. Quality over quantity.

💜 Could make her own if she really wanted to, but she’s got more robotics projects on her plate than she can finish. The last thing she wants is to have to wait to finish making her sex toy before having fun with it.

💜 Her favorite is just a plain blue toy that looks unassuming, but it feels like it’s thrusting inside her, and she can just lay back and enjoy it.

💜 Girls arms and wrists are tired after a day of engineering, so it’s a lifesaver to not have to do that work herself. All she wants is to feel fucked full and nothing else.

💜 Maru’s mind is always going, which is good and bad when she’s trying to get off. On the one hand, it makes for some vivid fantasies. On the other, sometimes she doesn’t want to have to think at all.

💜 Her fantasies are often of whirlwind, desperate romances. Stolen away in the nearest closet, shoved up against a tree, spread out on top of her workbench. She dreams of reckless, passionate, I need you this minute sex. It gets her so wet she’s soaking.

💜 On the days when she wants her brain to go quiet, she’ll make sure to keep going until she’s cum three or four times. Until her ears are ringing and her body is completely exhausted. Kind of a stamina queen, to be honest.

💜 She sleeps like a baby on those nights.

Emily-

💙 Lowkey I think Emily would be a licensed sex therapist.

💙 She’s very well educated in the importance of sexual health. For her it’s a spiritual practice of keeping herself balanced.

💙 Haley’s home like all the time which sucks, but she gets an okay amount of privacy regardless because their rooms are on opposite sides of the house.

💙 Lights incense that has properties good for sexual energy or something I dunno.

💙 Has a (body safe!) crystal wand that she fucks herself with.

💙 Loves how cool it feels at first and the fact that it warms to match her body temperature.

💙 Little miss active imagination doesn’t need porn or anything, she just gets right the hell off on her fantasies.

💙 As for what she fantasizes about? Girl goes wild thinking about having three or four partners. Ideally it’s three or four people all focused on pleasing her, every sensation hands and mouths and skin on skin—she gets really hot thinking about it.

💙 Her nipples are really sensitive so she makes sure to stimulate them a lot, pretending she has someone to focus on each one individually.

💙 Enjoys being present with her body and engages her senses. Really wants to sit with all the sensations and draw them out.

💙 Doesn’t cum every time, but that’s not the point for her. Unless she’s specifically trying to cum, it’s an added bonus. Something nice, but not necessary. It’s all about the journey for Emily.

Leah-

💚 Leah has it MADE in terms of getting off.

💚 Queen of living alone in the woods.

💚 Full privacy. Loud noise never carries from the solid insulation and the dampening of the trees. She can’t full out scream without being heard, but almost.

💚 Has a collection of dildos she’s made herself out of scrap wood. She started making them as a joke, but then she was like actually…this could be great for me.

💚 Don’t worry, she’s taken great care in making sure they’re body safe. Made with love and all that.

💚 Her favorites are the ones that she’s left knots on. A smooth fuck is nice, but she loves the added sensation from the bumps.

💚 Her internet isn’t great, but she’s lucky to have a collection of artsy porn films. Again, something that started as more of a fascination, but to be honest it’s super hot.

💚 One in particular is her favorite, with a long shot of eating pussy. It’s supposed to be a love story, the way it’s framed, but more than anything it’s just hot. Reminds her of some of the best oral she’s ever gotten.

💚 Takes her a long time to get off, but she’s learned not to rush it. She’ll finish when she finishes, and it’s always worth it.

💚 Needs a nice, long, relaxing shower afterwards, and unwinds with a cup of herbal tea.

Haley-

🩷 Emily is gone a lot working at the bar until late, so she doesn’t have to worry about finding time.

🩷 Definitely has a collection of toys for whatever mood she’s in.

🩷 Quality AND Quantity babe Haley will not deny herself pleasure.

🩷 Absolutely will treat herself too. A nice glass of wine and some mood lighting. Big fan of setting the vibe (pun intended).

🩷 Soft BDSM girlie. Adores any porn where the sub ends up a whiny desperate mess

🩷 It’s an ego trip. She absolutely wants to think that whoever she’s with would be reduced to absolute pathetic begging for her.

🩷 She finishes faster than she would like sometimes, so she’s mastered the art of edging.

🩷 She’s not gonna put all that effort in for nothing. If she’s set taking her time to enjoy herself she’s going to be TAKING her TIME.

🩷 Finds it really hot to be able to watch herself so sometimes she’ll set up in front of her floor-length mirror. Not as good as it is with a partner, but it’s got a similar draw.

🩷 Really quiet when she cums, her cheeks flushed and a gasp stuck in her chest while her body seizes with pleasure.

🩷 Might go a couple more times depending on how hot and bothered she is.

Abigail-

🖤 Abby has the least privacy out of the bachelorettes.

🖤 Her situation isn’t horrible (read: better than Sam’s), but she’s always got low-grade anxiety that she’s going to be caught and absolutely mortified.

🖤 Never home alone either, but Stardew girls make do. Waits up until midnight or later and makes sure to be radio silent just in case her dad is roaming around.

🖤 Once she gets into it though…she gets into it.

🖤 Little miss visual aid over here be Watching porn. She almost can’t get off without it. She CAN but she doesn’t want to. Which is so real of her.

🖤 LOVES videos of people getting themselves off. Solo masturbation videos are so hot to her because it feels like a steamy mutual session when she touches herself.

🖤 Totally ends up imagining past experiences or current crushes taking up the same as the person in the video. Pleasuring themselves while she watches and watching her get off too…she’s practically gone.

🖤 Sometimes she likes to watch really hardcore, desperate railing if she’s feeling particularly needy or submissive. Every now and again she just wants to be told she’s hot, get spanked, and fucked within an inch of her life. Girl me too the fuck—

🖤 Gets off pretty fast and once just because of the anxiety thing. If she had more peace of mind it would be a marathon for her because with the adventure training she’s got stamina for days.

🖤 Still sleeps way better after and ends up having some very, very pleasant dreams with all of that imagination fuel.

#stardew valley #sdv #writing #stardew valley fanfic #sdv fanfic #sdv headcanons #stardew valley penny #stardew valley maru #stardew valley Emily #stardew valley haley #stardew valley Abigail #sdv penny #sdv maru #sdv emily #sdv haley #sdv abigail #sdv imagines #stardew valley headcanons #MDNI #n.sfw // #ao3 #asks

[talisidekick]

Stop watching so much porn bro and go get a life

This. Is. Hilarious. Cause you're all "you're only trans because you fetishize women". That's what you're saying; that porn made me trans. But the irony is I stopped consuming pornography which is what lead me to figuring out I was transgender.

See, I was trying to be a better man. Which lead me to honestly listen to women who commonly mentioned that most men admit they get ideas as teens from male fantasy pornography. That they as women have to constantly work to break these perceptions of fetishization in order to be treated as equals in a relationship and it's exhausting. So I was like: "well damn, lets stop consuming that kind of pornography" and I got curious if like all porn was detrimental. And it turns out they had a list of good, women respecting romance novels often written by women FOR women, that they considered pornographic light or not even pornographic at all. I decided to literally skip the sex parts because I decided all porn is bad (it's not, but a lot of it is trash, and this was a later discovery).

And that was how I began to understand the importance of passive romance and how not everything I do should be about satisfying my sex drive. That love and sex are different concepts and love can lead to sex but shouldn't have to. I thought: "if I can't control my urges, my desires, then I'm no better than these bad men who exploit women" and "if I try to change now, my current fiance will have less to work on with me" because I was sure I'd fuck up SOMETHING (and I did and learned for the better).

As I went along listening to women more, my co-workers, friends, and my AFAB spouse, I began to kind of ... click more with women than I ever had with men. I became the "guy who gets it" and was told more than once that I had the "vibes of [their] gay friends but was oddly straight" and that they envied my spouse because "guys like [me] aren't common". I learned that my sex-drive didn't need to be the reason I was hanging around women, that being a friend was reward enough and sex was only ever secondary to the feelings of others. Now you might be all "it's easier for you to say that", but for context, I was an absolute nymphomaniac. My drive was strong enough to return full force in an hour and I was operating at a constant peak. You could not make me "more aroused", I was always there. It was always annoying. But being the guy others could feel safe around, even when drunk, was something I prided myself on. I loved the talks, the bitching, the complaining, the fun stories, the emotional connection with my friend group of women.

Queue a SINGLE OneTopic video and I got curious about transgender people. I'd never really given anything queer much thought but hey, lesbians are women too with their own unique issues with womanhood and I gave their forums and resources a look, and this group of people seemed to have some of the same struggles as I do on their path to becoming women so maybe I can learn something in these communities to be an even better man.(Major closeted moment, I didn't know the amazing world I was about to walk into).

This ... was where my revelation hit. I didn't identify with some of the issues. I identified with ALL of them. Granted, the dysphoria didn't factor in the same because I was just passively miserable. I recognize now, and only recently, that my dysphoria didn't rise and fall like most, it was just always there and thats what made euphoria so potent. Things didn't make me dysphoric, I was just ALWAYS dysphoric. Full blast. And that was my normal. It took a single two button meme for my realization to shatter my world. It asked a simple question of two buttons:

Wait until the next life to be a woman

"Why wait?"

I always wanted to know what it was like to be a girl. I'd played women in MMORPG's just to get in with the womens only groups so I could just hang out and talk. Not to get things, or catfish, just to ... be included when questing, farming, doing dungeons. It was less stressful. Less competitive. Less ... like even if there was no competition someone was always trying to prove they were that much better. It was more helping, and advice, and ... friendly. I wanted that more.

And so I asked myself: "with all the problems women face, that I know of, all the trials and problems, including the hatred and danger of being trans, would I trade everything I have as a man? Would I trade the higher pay, the immediate attention over women, the privileges of being a man, for fighting to be equal my entire life, for being treated second class and worth less than dirt by others?"

Why wait?

So no, I don't fetishize women. I'm not trans because I think women are hot and this gives me a "better chance". I'm trans because I've always been transgender. I always fit in better with women. Even my guy friends knew before I did. They knew since highschool. They just waited for me to say it.

So I have a life. It's built on 26 years of slow discovery. Filled with accepting friends. Filled with successes. And I'm about to achieve so much more.

That make you angry? I don't care. I responded to this to give a message:

Being transgender isn't sexual, and isn't about fetishization. It's about self expression.

So thank you for letting me express myself. Next time, ask a question.

#trans #transgender #mtf #my transition story #lgbtq+ #lgbt+ #queer #2slgbtqia+ #trans positivity

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

#second chance the series #y-destiny #lovely writer #brothers the series #cupid coach the series #1000 stars #a tale of thousand stars #final episodes #episode recaps #thai bl #asian bl #thaibl #The Most Peaceful Place is My Place #NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM #vietnamese bl #vietnam drama #Absolute BL #Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko #japanese bl #yaoi #yaoi manga #live action manga #live action yaoi #Word of Honor #chinese bl #asianbl #We Best Love #We Best Love: Fighting Mr.2nd #taiwanese bl #taiwan drama

[persepholline]

I've read that article about the romanticization of the Darkling and while I absolutely understand people who are pissed off/sad and I agree that it's shitty, I find LB's attitude towards Darkles stans very funny in a "girl what are you doing" sort of way because it's so petty like I've never heard of a bestselling author writing a portion of their fans into their books as a crazy cult before, it clearly hit a nerve

I'm new to the fandom but the feeling I get is she wrote something problematic ten years ago and became very embarrassed about it afterwards so she turned on the fans that liked it as a way to absolve herself. Especially since fandoms in general have become a lot more focused on discussion of what constitutes healthy/acceptable relationships to write about. And in a way I get it I had a huge Twilight phase in high school and afterwards I was super embarassed about it because of how problematic and cringe it was. But now with distance and more maturity I'm able to both still see why it was problematic and also why I was drawn to it (mostly the very unhinged representation of female desire) and like...it's really not the end of the world and no it never made me believe that breaking into somebody's room at night to watch them sleep was actually ok in real life lmao. This feels so obvious to me but apparently it needs to be said.

(More under the break this is turning into an essay, I've been thinking of this a lot recently)

And of course it's good to have these discussions about how historically romance tropes have echoed social dynamics of men's shitty behavior being romanticized and excused. But these days they often are so simplistic and focused on chasing clout that they become this weird new puritanism and moral panic about oh now women are reading novels it's going to make them hysterical or something

So you have these weird assumptions that you can't like a character and also be critical of their actions, or enjoy certain parts of a character and not others, or wish they were written differently and like them more for their potential (which I'm sure stings a bit for an author lol) - it assumes that if you like a character it means you would approve of their actions in real life, or that people just stupidly reproduce whatever they see on TV. That tendency to treat fictional characters like real people is the thing that actually worries me, to be honest, because it indicates a lack of distance and critical capacities regarding how stories are used and received. But people - fans and authors - are so scared of being called out as problematic and harassed for it that they're going to shy away from any nuance.

And yeah I think that it's good that standards of what constitutes an ideal relationship are evolving and becoming more feminist and communicative and all that and we definitely need more of that. But not all fiction has to be aspirational! Sometimes you just want to read about fucked up shit, because it's cathartic or fascinating, even healing at times because with fiction you are absolutely in control and can choose when to close the book. Toxic relationships in fiction can have an appeal specifically because they go to extremes of feeling that we don't want to go to in reality, in exactly the same way as horror movies or very violent action movies - which I don't see a lot of people besides fundamentalist Christians argue that they turn you into violent psychopaths (and that feels very obviously sexist). And for women, who are often taught growing up that love is the purpose of life, the "saving someone with your ability to love" can be a power fantasy in the same way that being a buff superhero who saves the day with their capacity for incredible violence can be a power fantasy for men. Still doesn't mean those women are going to fall in love with actual murderers or that those men are going to start beating up people at night. And love is scary, and weird, and weirdly close to horror at times, with all the potential for loss of self and being vulnerable and overwhelming feelings and potential for being horribly hurt and it should be possible for stories to explore that without anybody screaming about how this is going to Corrupt the Youth or something

And I mean I get it LB wanted to write a cautionary tale for teenagers, but it just did not work for reasons a lot of people have already written about - the fact that the Darkling is the leader of an oppressed minority and is the only one with a real political agenda to end that oppression in the first trilogy, the fact that he helps Alina come into her own power while her endgame LI is someone she keeps herself small for, that she's shamed for wanting power after growing up without any, a generally very wonky conception of privilege, and a lot of other stuff with yucky regressive implications to the point where stanning the villain actually feels liberating and empowering which is a surefire sign that the narrative is broken (unless it's a villain focused story lmao). But of course that Fanside article makes almost no mention of the political dynamics, it's all about interpersonal stuff which is an annoying trend in YA, there are those massive events happening in the background but it's made all about the feelings of the hero(ine) ; war as a self-development quest (which is kind of gross). Helnik is kind of an example of this too - I like them, I think they're fun ! But Matthias spends a big part of the story wanting to brutally murder Nina and her kind, and he mostly changes his mind because he finds her hot. Like you don't feel there is some sort of big revelation that his entire moral system and political framework is completely rotten ; it's all better because of feelings now.

As a teenager that kind of sanctimonious bullshit would have annoyed the hell out of me ; I read those books in my early twenties and I found the ending so stupid I wouldn't have trusted any message or life lessons coming from them. And I liked reading/watching dark stuff as a teenager, as a way to deal with the very intense inner turmoil I was dealing with - and I turned out fine ! Meanwhile I've seen several times women in very shitty relationships being obsessed with positive energies and stories ; they were so terrified of their life not being perfectly wholesome they ended up being delusional about their own situations.

Like personally I think the Darkling is a compelling, interesting, alluring character and also a manipulative, murderous piece of shit and that Alina should get to punish him (like in a sexy way) - but he's also the end result of centuries of war, oppression and trauma and reducing that to "toxic wounded boy" feels kind of offensive ngl ESPECIALLY since the books don't offer any kind of systemic analysis or response to oppression beyond "the bad guy should die" and "now the king/queen is a good guy our problems are solved!!!!"

In Lives of the Saints, we see how Yuri is abused extremely badly and almost killed by his father, and so when his father dies when the Fold swallows Novokribirsk, he thinks the Starless Saint has saved him. Later in KoS/RoW he's turned into this fanatic who explains away all the Darkling's crimes. The other followers talk about how the Starless Saint will bring equality for all men. Then the Darkling comes back and actually thinks his followers are pathetic, which feels again like a very pointed message to his IRL stans. Which is absolutely hilarious to me. Like oh no, if he was real he would not like you and think you're pathetic ! Yeah ...but he's not. Real. Damn right he would not like the fics where Alina puts him on a leash. I'm still going to read them. What is he going to do about it, jump out of the page ? Jfjfjjdhfgfjfj

Anyway I think the intended message is "assholes will use noble political causes for their own gain and to manipulate people" and "being abused/oppressed is not an excuse to behave badly." Which. Sure. But that's kind of like...a tired take, honestly ? A big number of villains nowadays are like this ; either they've been bullied as kids, or they're part of an oppressed group, or they have "good ideals but too extreme". This is not surprising because a lot of mainstream heroic narratives present clinging to the status quo as Good and change as chaotic and dangerous. And like sure in real life people often do bad shit because they're wounded and in danger. But if you want to do a story like that, you have to do it with nuance, talk about cycles of violence, about how society creates vulnerable people to be exploited, about how privilege gives you more choices and the luxury of morals, etc. The Grishaverse does not have this level of nuance (maybe in SoC a little bit but definitely not in TGT). So it kind of comes off as "trauma makes you evil" and "egalitarianism is dangerous" and "if you're abused/oppressed you're not allowed to fight back". And ignores the fact that historically, evil generally comes from unchecked privilege.

I guess my point is that there are many things I like about LB's writing, she knows how to create these really exciting character dynamics, and the world she has created is fascinating. But these stories are not a great starting point for imparting moral lessons. And her best characters tend to be, at least in canon, the morally grey ones. I hope one day she'll be at peace with the fact that she wrote the Darkling the way she did and leave his fans alone but in the meantime I'm just not going to take this whole thing seriously I'm sorry

#darklina #the darkling #alina starkov #aleksander morozova

[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

#fics #fic recs #fanfiction #ao3 #cockles #destiel #dean and cas #jensen and misha #one track mind #supernatural #please send me recs #read more fics #this is my new obsession

[tundrainafrica]

So I see your a LeviHan shipper!! I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite?? Maybe you could explain that a little through a list? But anyways I hope your week has been good so far, Sav. Have a good day/night!!!! - Signed by Your Secret Santa 🎄

Hello! Thank you for asking about my week (and my ship). 

I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite? 

To answer that first question...

You’re in for a long rollercoaster ride of a rant because I don’t think I’m the type of person to ship anything to the point of writing domestic fluff fics unless the I felt really really drawn to the ship. 

Anyway, (slight) spoilers abound! Will keep manga spoilers subtle, mostly Levihan scenes.

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

1. The ship did not move the plot. The plot moved the ship.

Attack on Titan is not a romance or a shojo, if it’s not fairly obvious from any chapter you would randomly read. As a reader, I would have expected it to fall short with pairings. Most shows which are not romance based tend to have a few pairings which just suddenly end up together towards the end of the manga because “What’s a happy ending without marriage and kids?” There is usually a trend of just pairing of the extras and sometimes, or maybe even more often than not, it just seems to come out of nowhere (ehem... Naruto.). Maybe the relationship worked off screen but I dunno. Like no shipping war here but the only pairing I had full support for was Shikatema. 

In stories classified as romances, there is enough of a spotlight on the sexual tension and mutual pining of specific characters for the romance to be considered reasonable. In my opinion, some authors tend to sacrifice really good world building for a good romance. Objectively twilight for example had some crazy good world building but it just kinda focused a little too much on emo Bella and emo Edward for the world building to actually be appreciated by the casual reader. Tbh though, this is not necessarily bad because people get into stuff for reasons, sometimes, I just wanna read a good fantasy, sometimes I just wanna read a good romance.

Romances though as a main driving point for narratives, require some convenient serendipity moments and sexual tension which can be written well but as a reader, I prefer to see more natural relationships born out of necessity (Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata is a good example of what I’m talking about in a romance novel.)

Attack on Titan through its narrative actually made Levihan seem VERY VERY possible. If I had to compare the presentation of this ship in canon to at least one relationship in other anime, I would compare it to Royai from FMA. 

Like, if Attack on Titan didn’t give us random subtle hints about romantic or just platonic relationships between the two or even about anyone, even if Levi and Hange did get together in the end, it would have been one of the pairings, I probably wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow at. 

But they could be just friends? Which brings me to my next point.

2. Their current situation makes it so it’s only natural that at the least, they considered it. 

Yes. Friends is a valid interpretation for anything. I mean, given our hook up culture, people can fuck as friends too. People probably have made out drunk as friends too. Like I have seen my fair share of this type of bullshit in high school and college and I would say, we do not need a kiss or a fucking session to recognize that something can be a good relationship or to recognize that they have probably thought about it. 

A relationship requires a commitment (conscious or unconscious) to caring for the other, keeping the other safe, recognizing their flaws and thinking about them regularly (Call me scott peck or marriage counselor but like I honestly think the world would be a better place once people recognize that quality romantic relationships are worked for).

Mind you, Levi and Hange lost everything.They literally lost everything from their old life, all their friends, all their loved ones and all they have is each other and they’re forced to take care of a bunch of kids.

There are people who have said before, no one gets very close with someone without ever considering a romantic relationship with them. Or even if they never considered it romantic, they could consider at least “living with them their whole life,” or “supporting them through thick and thin.” The things is, towards the end, they were constantly together and what drove them to that situation is that both of them are aware of what the other had lost. They understood each other more than anyone else and they recognized that they were the only ones left in their own circle and I personally think that is more than enough for a relationship to naturally bloom between them.

3. The relationship and the signs are subtle and it works.

I personally probably would not have enjoyed it if canon showed a romantic relationship of the two after Erwin died. It’s a valid interpretation to consider that it could have happened, based on my explanation for number 2 but Hange is commander, Levi is captain. They have a professional relationship and they have goals and obligations which take precedence over personal desires. They are in the middle of a war and the most which probably could have happened was a secret mutual pining between the two and I think Isayama has injected the most subtle hints which are the most that could have been appropriately put into canon without seeming too OOC. Hange and Levi are not selfish people. They have promises, dreams and obligations which they respect and have committed themselves to already. It has also been shown at earlier points of the manga that they do put their survey corps duties on top of everything so acting on a romantic attraction at that point in time would have definitely been inappropriate. 

I personally think, the scenes of Hange going out of her way to save Levi as commander, killing her other soldiers to save both their asses, suggesting in the forest that they live together instead of go back to the war and not leaving an injured Levi until she had no choice were more powerful than a lot of romantic scenes where people actually fuck and kiss. Kissing and fucking are easy. Leaving the duties and responsibilities they have worked for for five years to keep the person they love alive hits way harder. 

Call it platonic. Call it romantic. But no one like Hange would have deserted her post as commander for a few chapters to take care of a sick comrade and kill her subordinates to save their asses if there wasn’t anything between them. 

4. It gives a great example what healthy relationships can come from. 

I grew up reading sweet valley and chick lits cause I was a basic bitch and I kinda grew up with a somehow unrealistic idea of where relationships come from. Call me a late bloomer but I only actually figured out where the romance and the happiness of a relationship was when I got into one with my best friend for five years. 

It’s the sexual tension and the “will they wont they?” push and pull which can lead to satisfying sex or a happy ending in romance novels. I think in a way, media kinda overglorifies it which kinda gives a lot of young people the wrong idea about why they getting into a relationship is fun in the first place.  Because after the satisfying sex and the kids, what’s next for the relationship?

Years of utility bills, diapers, chores, schedules, parent teacher conferences and compromises until someone gives up or dies. And what kind of relationships can actually thrive through all these? 

Those that have mastered the underrated parts of relationships. These include conflict resolutions, compromises and open communication. I think we have seen enough of those two, even before season 3 that have shown that they know each other very well and they have shown to at least have a relatively equal power dynamic which is a foundation for open communication and mutual trust in relationships even beyond the fucking and marriage stage 

5. They have a great foundation of character development for both parties.

As I mentioned above, they have a relatively equal power dynamic. I love Royai from FMA and I have compared Royai to this multiple times. I would say though I prefer Levihan over Royai because I felt that Royai had more unequal power dynamics? (Though I still think Royai is a top tier ship ). Also, they have shown to tell off the other when they don’t like what the other is doing. They are complete opposites but here is the magical thing. They talk everything out. They’re generally open people to each other and they know each other way too well as hinted in scenes before and opposites work as long as the others are willing to compromise. I think (especially in season 3 and season 4) that they have done enough for each other and have compromised enough for each other in the survey corps that these skills could easily be brought with them even after the war.

That open communication is just what makes them maintaining a relationship while being complete opposites very OC and realistic. Eventually, they did probably did make compromises, which most likely softened or moderated the crazy parts of their personalities which is just a really fun part of their relationship to explore. 

6. It could realistically last so maybe ...

7. A good foundation for happy children?

Maybe it’s how it is written because of the actual story and why would Yams write a romantic drama in a story about genocide and war. Tbh, I would attribute it more to Levi and Hange’s personalities though because Mikasa and Eren have their fair share of drama, mostly one sided though coz Mikasa. This relationship has no drama, no misunderstandings which just further supports my point that they have a relationship that thrives on open communication and mutual trust. Drama is fun like when we’re the ones on the sidelines eating the popcorn but I have third wheeled enough people in my life to realize that I will not support a relationship where both parties are just not ready to be mature about it, in real life and in fiction. 

My favorite couples, in real life and in fiction, are definitely those who keep conflict among themselves and maybe among trusted people. I think one sign of a healthy relationship is one where problems don’t become public through social media or through like 20 people. One important yet underrated part of relationships is the atmosphere of comfort and freedom which encourages both parties to be able to directly approach one another before tensions and uncertainties get out of hand.  

And a life free of dramas at least in the early stages of life just kinda shows at least that both parties are ready to bring a new life to the world? Because like immature parents with shitty conflict resolution skills really fuck kids up man and I passionately believe the world would really be a better place if babies were born out of trust, mutual understanding and open communication instead of sex but yeah, make sex fun to keep our race alive.

So anyway, I guess, I just finished explaining why I love this ship so much while also disclosing my preferences for relationships. 

As mentioned above...

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

Other pairings which I support for those curious: Shikatema, Royai, Victuuri, Percabeth etc.

Also... To answer your second question... 

My week has been great, some pretty solid life developments but US elections wise, not so great... (WHY IS THE ELECTION RACE SO CLOSE?)

#levihan #levi x hange #levi x hanji #levi ackerman #hange zoe #ship #analysis

[ohshitmomitsawritingblog]

Yeesss an active Naruto account! So glad I found you 💗 I really like how you portrayed Kakashi in your last post and I would like to request J, O and Y for Kakashi and Hidan pls 💕

 Yeaahhhhh!! nart fandom is still going strong even in 2020! I started to re-read nart back in November of ‘19 and was really surprised at how active the fandom still was on twitter and tumblr. Im really glad you decided to shoot me a message! I really appreciate it, thank you so much! I’ll be real I saw your message and kind of lost it a little today, I was very nervous about Kakashi’s section so it’s really nice to hear that someone liked it!

Kakashi

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Jealous? Kakashi? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes? No! Maybe. 💕

Kakashi DOES NOT know how to function 80% of the time. It takes him a while to sort out his personal feelings - he thinks he knows what he feels, but when it comes to emotions, like jealousy, that demand a bit more naunce? It feels like fog is clouding over the word he’d otherwise be able to plainly zero in on.

Kakashi’s jealousy is quiet and something he fiercely keeps under wraps. I think there’s nothing that matters more to him in a relationship than his partner’s freedom and sense of self esteem, and I think he views jealousy as a kind of ownership/overstep he should be ashamed of rather than a human emotion that is neither inherently good nor bad by itself.

Kakshi gets jealous rarely, but when he does, it’s hard to swallow the feeling of shame that accompanies it. 

Kakashi is a prodigy, okay, he’s an amazing ninja and cook and house keeper amongst many other things, but he’s still really, really bad at the nuances of being human. Especially a human who isn’t ruled by his PTSD. His S/O spends too much time at work during his rare off day, and the rare pang of jealousy - that he does not act on in any way  - makes him so uncomfortable that he has to busy himself with something until they get home. And then he almost seems stand offish. It’s his way of giving them space, but his S/O couldn’t understand the reasoning behind it unless they spend years with him or have several conversations about it.

Basically, he’s spent so much of his life truly alone, socializing largely in a work environment context, that he has no idea how to operate in a domestic relationship.

On the flip side, Kakashi is so hellbent on hammering down the little every day pangs of petty jealousy he feels that when something big happens, like a stranger flirting with his S/O? He sticks his nose into the situation immediately. 

If it wasn’t sad it’d almost be hilarious - Kakashi can’t tell the difference the difference between situational, and relatively minor emotional bangs that feel similar to jealousy, to outright being DEEPLY territorial of his S/O.

Does he think they’ll flirt back? Hell no. Does he immediately chase off the guy with a well timed arm slung over his S/O’s shoulders and a bit of killing intent rolling off him in waves anyways? Absolutely. 

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Kakashi in love doesn’t show that he’s in love often. He’s a secretive guy and honestly, if he’s in love, he’s going to try to hide it as long as possible. From everyone.

This is only partially because Kakashi is shy about love - about 60% of the reason behind keeping things private is because he wants to hit that sweet ten year anniversary date and throw that fact out casually during a group luncheon and see the chaos unfold. 

He also does legitimately struggle with being open and intimate. He worries his S/O will think he’s embarrassed by them, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Kakashi in love is all about small intimacies. The brush of his fingers over his S/O’s bicep, the touch to the small of their back. Kakashi is surprisingly handsy, even in public. 

Of course, he’s a ninja, and he’s a little self conscious, so he usually does this in such a way that people don’t even catch it.

He doesn’t hold hands in public, no way.

He never lets them walk on his blind side. He just likes looking at them.

I can see Kakashi liking to touch his S/O’s hair often. He’ll pat the top of their head if they’re on the shorter side, tucking a stray lock behind their ear if their hair is long enough. There’s something so intimate about it, and Kakashi likes how quiet that touch feels to him. Sometimes it feels even better than kissing his S/O.

He picks them up from work most days, and they walk home together. In fact, the biggest tell that Kakashi is in love is when he spends most of his evenings with his S/O.

He cooks for, or more typically, with, his S/O almost every night. He likes spending quality, domestic time with them. It’s his way of slowly wading back into the very concept of cohabiting with someone after years of being alone. 

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Kakashi misses his partner a lot. I’m going to assume the most common reason for their separation is missions.

Kakashi as a young adult seemed married to his ANBU career, with his S/O as a side chick at best. 

Post team seven, he’s a little better with his schedule, but Tsunade relies on him a lot and it’s not like he can just tell her no. 

And then as Hokage? Well, actually sneaking out of the office seems to be like a fun new game to him, so–

Anyways, I think Kakashi copes pretty well, if only because separation is a constant in his life.

I think he has times where he’ll space out thinking about his S/O in the wee hours of the night when he can’t sleep. Otherwise, he’s focused on the mission. He needs to make it out of his assignments alive in order to see them again after all, and Kakashi post team seven doesn’t have a death wish. 

If he has an S/O during his ANBU days, his thoughts are more obsessive, fixated on the only source of warmth in his life that he’s allowed himself to have. I can imagine a few scenarios when he’s with someone in this very dark period of his life, and the entire thing could only be described as intense.

Anyways, pining is for people who can afford to get stabbed.

Ultimately, I don’t think anyone could ever tell Kakashi was missing anyone. He may seem a little quietly sad in moments, or maybe sigh for no reason, but I doubt anyone even knows he’s with anyone for years. See the above section.

Hidan

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Surprisingly, I don’t see Hidan as a jealous guy! 

If he is jealous at all, it’s over something minuscule and ultimately harmless, like being apart for a large gap of time. 

He doesn’t think his S/O would cheat (he’s a man devoted to god and his faith, has a blooming career AND a six pack, what more could a person want?) but it’s more so longing that turns into jealousy only when he toys with the idea of his S/O not feeling the same kind of longing. He wants his partner to mirror his feelings and doesn’t like feeling like his absence is easily glossed over. He totally gets into his own head and overthinks things.

He’s the type to gripe at his S/O. I feel like whining and slinging around insults is how Hidan communicates best and it gets even worse when he feels threatened or anxious.

He actually needs verbal reassurances a lot.

He’ll keep bitching until his S/O consoles him or speaks frankly with him.

I think Hidan’s partner is someone who could take care of themselves, so if they were ever the subject of unwanted attention, Hidan would step only to play up some white knight fantasy gone rogue. He’ll beat up (or murder) the offender and then make out with his S/O like some horny wild man.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Hidan in love is actually pretty low key. I think for Hidan, there’s flings, and then there’s the person he loves, who he’s gonna settle down with. He just assumes his life will be full of flings that are mostly for sexual gratification until he meets his S/O.

Totally does not expect to fall in love, ever, so he has no idea how to deal with it when it happens.

I think he prays a lot more when he’s in love. For spiritual clarity or forgiveness for these ‘weak’ feelings in him that presumably conflict with the teachings of Jashin, I’m not sure.

Kakuzu notices this and bitches at Hidan for wasting their time, but eventually stops when even he realizes how much conflict Hidan seems to radiate off of him in the early days of his romance.

Hidan also gets more violent, as if to compensate for being in love with his S/O. He goes on a straight up killing spree once he completely admits it to himself.

Comes to the conclusion that being in love actually makes him a better follower of Jashin, since he slaughters droves of people for the sake of your relationship.

Around his S/O, Hidan seemingly goes from incredibly tense and broody -almost guilt ridden in some odd way - when he hangs out with them, to something flipping a switch in his head and him going back to his normal, brash self. It’s weird. He kiss his S/O like he’s trying to eat them in public now. It’s kind of hot.

Hidan is such a freak that even the Akatsuki, which is a collection of freaks, don’t get that this entire slow burn horror movie scenario was over love until Hidan very loudly complains that he was interrupted mid-fuck during a summons. Someone mentions paying the sex worker extra for the interrupted time and tells him to get some ice. 

Hidan scuffs and loudly announces that he’s with his PARTNER right now. Kakuzu confirms but only sounds mildly annoyed because he’a eating Hidan’s S/O’s food and watching Hidan’s S/O’s TV. 

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Hidan pouts. So much.

Typically if it’s just a few weeks or days, Hidan doesn’t really give any outward indication of missing his S/O. He knows he’ll see them soon. He’s a chill guy when he’s not murdering people for pleasure and religious clout. The longer that gap of time is though? He goes from ambivalent to mess FAST.

It’s like someone flipped a switch after month three of his not seeing his S/O and someone brings them up and he’s like. Wait. When’s the last time I saw them again? And then his brain fuzzes out of existence momentarily when he does the math.

For real: Hidan is one of those guys who tries to be real macho about his S/O and him being apart for so long, but once he starts to think about it it eats him up.

He goes from trying too hard to insist he doesn’t miss them, to sulking on day two. Kakuzu wants to kill Hidan at least 200% more than usual because when Hidan sulks, he’s like a little kid.

He gets this sour look that just never goes away. He hunches his shoulders. Kicks the dirt or gravel on the road when they stop to rest for the day. Kakuzu would be inclined to ask what’s wrong but he knows better to open that can of worms.

Also does he really care about this undead shithead kid’s emotional problems? Only kind of.

He’s a ninja, not a therapist, and he’s making ninja money. Does Hidan have therapist money? Hidan doesn’t even have shirt money.

The pouty phase lasts for a while. It becomes less apparent, but as it turns inwards, Hidan becomes more violent.

Ahh, good ol’ Murder-violence! He gets more aggressive (if that’s possible) and prays more. Way more. 

On a more serious note, it does actually give Hidan solace to pray and affirm that if Jashin wills it, he and his S/O will see each other soon. He promises his Lord a plentiful sacrifice when that happens.

Once he sees his S/O again he pretends like he’s totally chill absolutely chill and didn’t even miss them one bit! He ruffles their hair and gives them that rough side hug that jocky, slightly redneck older cousins give.

#praisingkuroosbedhead #kakashi x oc #kakashi x reader #hidan x oc #hidan x reader #hidan imagines #kakashi imagines #naruto imagines #i hope hidan is okay ive never written for him before #it got a little silly and weirdly detailed but i had fun #Hidan is a hoot #fluff alphabet #kakashi hatake #hidan

[astorytotellyourfriends]

1, 10, 27, 28

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

i'd say... between 4 and 4 1/2 stars bc i'm loads better now than i was when i first started writing literal ages ago, but there's always room for improvement!

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

hmmm. i mean, i guess romance is the big one when it comes to fic. but i do love fantasy and i wish i wrote more fantasy-heavy fic (even though it brings So Much More Work) and maybe even some sci-fi! clearly i should just branch out more often lol.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

oh i've gotten so many lovely comments over the last year especially, but the one that really sticks out is the first comment that @where-you-go left on A Mouth That I Would Kill To Kiss. it's v long so i won't copy/paste it here but when i posted the first chapter of it i didn't get the engagement i was hoping for and honestly, i was thinking very seriously of deleting it and not finishing it at all and then Jay left this comment that honestly brought me to tears. i'll never forget it (and this was the start of our beautiful friendship where we both just make each other emo over luke and bobby and their inability to communicate 💛)

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

well, it depends on what sort of criticism it is. if it's "hey, i don't like the way you've written this, it should've been like xyz" then i don't take very kindly to that. the stories i write are written that way because that's the way i envisioned it and if you want to take the same idea and go in a different direction, have at! if it's from a beta standpoint of something like "this makes no sense wtf are you doing" then i will absolutely listen to whoever's making that point and either try to explain my pov of how i meant it to come across and go from there, or work with that person to try and make it clearer.

if it's straight up just "u suck" or "ur terrible bc u write smut" then that's just bullshit and they can fuck off.

i've gotten a couple of borderline nasty comments over the last year which is why i enabled comment moderation on my M and E fics because it's really shitty to leave rude comments on fics that people spend a lot of time working on. (one in particular sticks out in my head that honestly made me laugh because the things that person complained about were literally so stupid i couldn't believe how terrible their reading comprehension was, but it wasn't worth me replying so i just deleted it)

tldr; constructive criticism is good. rude comments for the sake of being rude/combative/abusive is bad.

#answered #Anonymous #about my fic

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 29 of 26

Title: The House in the Cerulean Sea (2020)

Author: TJ Klune

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Comedy, Romance, Found Family, LGBT Protagonist, Third-Person 

Rating: 10/10

Date Began: 10/13/2020

Date Finished: 10/18/2020

Linus Baker, a forty-year-old caseworker for the Department in Charge of Magical Youth (DICOMY), lives a solitary and mundane life. But when he’s summoned by Extremely Upper Management and given a top-secret case, everything changes. Linus is sent to the classified Marsyas Island and tasked with investigating an orphanage housing six dangerous magical children-- including the Antichrist. He is to live among the residents for one month, record his observations, and report back to the organization. No more, no less. 

The master of the house, Arthur Parnassus, is a mysterious and enigmatic man. But Linus soon learns that Arthur will do anything to protect his wards. As Linus grows closer to Arthur and the children, a secret from the past and prejudice of the present threaten to destroy the orphanage and their way of life. Linus must decide if he can abandon the world he knows in order to help the ones that need it the most. 

"Fire and ash!” Lucy bellowed as he paced back and forth. “Death and destruction! I, the harbinger of calamity will bring pestilence and plague to the people of this world. The blood of the innocents will sustain me, and you will all fall to your knees in benediction as I am your god.” 

He bowed. 

The children and Mr. Parnassus clapped politely. Theodore chirped and spun in a circle. 

Linus gaped. 

“That was a lovely story, Lucy,” Mr. Parnassus said. “I especially liked your use of metaphors. Keep in mind that pestilence and plague are technically the same thing, so it did get a little repetitious at the end, but other than that, quite impressive. Well done.” 

Minor spoilers and content warning(s) under the cut. 

Content warnings for the book: Semi-detailed discussions of child abuse and trauma. Internalized fatphobia (challenged). Structural discrimination, and hatred/prejudice associated with that, some of it internalized. 

I'm going to have a hard time reviewing this book, because it was so goddamn good I don’t think I’ll do it justice in a few short paragraphs. So here’s the fast version: The House in the Cerulean Sea was a fucking delight to read from the first page. It’s full of genuine humor, magic, and charm, while being just this side of heart-wrenching. Though geared toward adults, it’s the first novel I’ve read in a long time that captures that childlike enthusiasm I used to have when reading a good fantasy book. It takes place in a world with magic (obviously), but it’s 98% character-driven. Both the main plot and the (queer!) romantic subplot are woven together so well that neither feel tacked on or lacking. The found family hit me in the emotions again and again and again. I read books out loud, and I spent the last third of this book struggling because I kept fucking crying and having to take regular breaks before continuing. And then I went through the whole book to find a good quote for this review and ended up fucking crying again. So yeah. 

Ok. Got that off my chest. Usually in these reviews I talk about what I liked and then what didn't work for me or confused me. The good news (?) is I have zero complaints or critiques on this one. So you just get to hear me gushing about it for a while.  

Since this is a character-driven book that’s where I’ll start. Linus Baker, the protagonist, is great. Let me just say I love speculative fiction books starring older characters. At forty, Linus isn’t old, but it feels like the majority of spec fic stars people under thirty. Linus is also a conspicuously ordinary guy; prim and proper to a fault, no magic, oblivious in many ways (including to his own loneliness), but with a hidden sense of justice and protectiveness for people that comes out more and more. His development over the course of the novel and how much he grows to love and care for the other characters is just so good. The writing draws attention to this through repeated phrases and jokes one doesn’t expect to make a comeback (more on that later). Seeing him come out of his shell and stand up for what’s right is cathartic as hell. As a side note, it’s also nice to have a fat protagonist who struggles with his self-image but gets warm affirmation and support from his family and love interest. 

Arthur Parnassus, the deuteragonist and said love interest, is more of an enigma. A lot of his motivation and behavior makes sense once you get his Tragic Backstory (TM), and I think this will be a fun book to reread based on that. I picked up on some of it before the reveal, but not everything. But without spoiling it, I do love seeing an older (mid-forties) father figure who would do literally anything to make sure the children on the island have the care and love they need. Seeing his patient love and acceptance of them tugs my heartstrings. Maybe I’m a bit of a sap. Linus and Arthur’s obvious mutual crush on each other is also really cute, okay. There’s something about older queer people finding love that makes me smile. 

And the children are great too, of course. I really liked each of them and thought they were all unique and interesting. My favorites are probably Lucy the six-year-old Antichrist, Sal the were-Pomeranian (his arc just really hit home for me), and Talia the gnome. They all have such distinct and fun personalities, and seeing them interact is great and often hilarious. I’m not very paternal, but I love seeing children with sad/abusive pasts blossom into their best selves with love, guidance, and support. It’s uh, a little personal. I’d be remiss not to mention Zoe, the resident island sprite, who brings a whole lot of personality and rounds off the group. 

When I say the story is character-driven, I mean it. While a fantasy novel, there’s not any significant violence or action in the story (except for maybe one scene if you squint). The House in the Cerulean Sea is carried by its characters, interactions, and worldbuilding. The humor and inherent charm helps too -- and manages to do so without ever feeling trite. I can’t help but admire that. I was never bored; I honestly enjoyed every page because I liked the characters so much. Not to say there isn’t an overarching conflict with the whole DICOMY thing, but most of the focus is Linus struggling and coming to terms with his discoveries-- about the others and himself, and how he can make a difference on a grand scale. To me that kind of stuff is captivating. And boy does seeing someone find the place they belong get me. As I said, found family is a big thing in this book. 

Aside from that, the writing is just super; it literally had me laughing from the first page. I can’t believe the fucking lemur joke came back at the end, too. But on that subject, I love that this book utilizes recurring jokes and phrases to show Linus’ character development. In particular, “see something, say something” and “don’t you wish you were here?” have VERY specific meanings to Linus at the beginning of the story, and over time transform into the polar opposite. I’m  holding myself back because I don’t want to spoil shit, but if you read it you’ll see what I mean. There’s also a lot of meaningful callbacks to certain dialogue earlier in the story and I eat that kind of stuff up. But even small details, like the early quip about Linus forgetting his umbrella, come back to deliver an emotional gutpunch near the end. So thanks for that, Mr. Klune. 

The book really takes a turn in the second half of the story, which is a tad darker. Avoiding the Actual Spoilers, this is where prejudice and hatred of the outside world become a bigger part of the story. We learn what’s really at stake, and that this wonderful found family in the first half is threatened by a world that hates and fears them. Boy does that shit get emotional REAL quick. Yes the allegory is obvious. No, that’s not a bad thing. Ultimately, The House in the Cerulean Sea becomes a story about love, hope, and change; and boy does that shit strike my gay little heart right where it hurts. 

If you’re looking for a (literal) magical pick-me-up (ignore my comment about crying a whole lot) with INTENSE found family vibes and a side helping of queer mlm romance, dear God read The House in the Cerulean Sea. I don’t think I did it justice in this review; just trust me, it’s real good. My only complaint is that it ends; I want more, damn it! 

#taylor reads #2020 reading challenge #BONUS ROUND #10/10 #i added content warnings right under the cut. idk if i will do that consistently but why not #anyway this book wrecked me

[theheartsmistakes]

A Court of Silver Flames rant

Back at it again with one of those book talks because no one in my personal inner circle has read it yet... because they all have lives. Spoilers under the cut!!

O.M.G... Silver Flames is on my top 5 list of favorite Maas books. If you’re reading this you probably don’t care but my list goes as such:

1. A Court of Mist and Fury

2. A Court of Silver Flames

3. Crescent City

4. A Court of Wings and Ruin

The fifth and final spot is yet to be taken... I read the Throne of Glass series, but I found her Court books to be better... anyway!

Pros: Nesta Archeron... I liked this bad bitch from the moment we met her in A Court of Thorns and Roses. I thought she was vicious and cruel and nasty, but underneath all of that anger... she held so much love for her family. I know she has a lot of issues and I’m not justifying any of the things that’s she done in the past or the things that she’s chosen to say, but I love the flaws that Sarah chose to give her. I am weak for a good redemption story and that’s what this was for me. It was a redemption story for a character that for all intents and purposes was a villain.  

I think I loved Nesta’s story the most because I can relate to her. Not so much in the vicious way she speaks to people, but in finding it difficult to forgive myself or to open myself up to other people in fear of them seeing what lies underneath. Sarah did such a great job of depicting that fear for Nesta and then carefully, through all sorts of elements: romantic love, platonic love, self-love, breaking that fear down so that Nesta could find happiness and forgiveness and acceptance. 

It was beautiful!

Cons: I could have done with like a fraction of these sex scenes. They did absolutely nothing for me except for like one or two of them. I made a Michael Scott face for some of them where I was just hella uncomfortable... and like grossed out. I’m no Gwyn, I’ve dabbled in my fair share of romance novels, but I just didn’t care for some of these scenes. I really felt like they were kind of out of character for Nesta, maybe that was the point, I don’t know. 

Those last 100 pages were SO rushed... it was so jarring. I went from relishing in domestic bliss with Cassian, to declining a mating bond I’ve known about since like book 2, to being flung into the Hunger Games, and then climbing the fucking mountain of Mordor (don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but I was just so confused). Then right when we’ve won that battle, we were thrown into the death and resurrection of three primary characters in the span of like 5 pages. But somehow, everything worked out fine... I am getting kind of tired of there being all of this build up about something like “oh, no one can wear all three artifacts and live EXCEPT this one person who is like barely a fae and has no control over her powers or self-awareness, but sure... she seems worthy. Let’s let her decide who lives and dies.” I would have accepted it a little easier if Nesta had truly lost something in this trade... like she lost her power completely instead of having a scrap left. I love that she made that 180 turn and basically sacrificed herself for Feyre, but I wanted more of a sacrifice from her... if that makes sense. As a writer and reader of fantasy, I firmly believe that magic needs to have rules and regulations otherwise it’s too predictable. What I mean by that is magic can’t solve everything and for Maas, I feel like too often it does. Let characters die. Let magic fail or come with a price at least.

What’s next: Please don’t come at me, I support everyone’s individual pairings, but I am not an Elucien fan. And I will tell you why: I didn’t like how Lucien handled the bond. Right after the poor distraught child was literally poured from a giant magic bathtub, he pounces on her declaring her his ‘mate’ as if she’d understand what the hell that meant. Rhys waited like a year before he told Feyre and same with Cassian. They gave their girls space and time to accept this while still remaining close. 

Lucien did give her space afterwards, but he just continued to handle it really poorly. There’s no spark, there’s no jolt, no oomph. I need the OOMPH!

Also, Elain is someone who has had very little choice in what happens in her life. From the moment she was born her own mother was like, “she’s beautiful. I shall sell her to highest bider because Nesta shall dance and Feyre is a wildling.” Then she was engaged to “what’s his face” because of his status and wealth, even though she claimed to love him. Then, she was dragged into the cauldron and turned into a fae and lost her chance at a happy, normal human life with what’s his face. And fresh out of the cauldron, this red haired fae man is trying to claim her. I would have been like... can I have a moment to process all of this fresh, new information. Treat me like a 90′s Dell computer, I need a whole hour to load these documents. Just stuck on the stupid hour glass. Then, she’s in a whole catatonic state because she’s lost everything she’s ever known and the love of her life is going to reject her and possibly try to murder her, while simultaneously being thrown into a war that she now has to play a part in. Plus, she’s seeing ugly visions of the future. I just feel so badly for Elain sometimes. I don’t want to force any expectations on her. I want her to live in her gardens, I want her to bake, and bring light to the night court. I want her to make make her own choices and for that reason I hope she chooses Azriel, because it will be her choice and not something forced upon her. Plus, Azriel deserves to be chosen by someone. He just does. His rejection rate is at an all time high and I think that’s just criminal.

Edit***

All right, so I just read Az’s additional chapter (my copy of the Silver Flames did not have it, and I may be switching teams. This is why I am an unreliable narrator, because I am so easily swayed. Honestly, I wanted Elain with Azriel for the previously mentioned reasons ^^^ and I stand by those reasons. However, after reading his chapter, I feel like Gwyn is a great match for Azriel. HOWEVER, I do not feel Azriel is a great match for Gwyn. I loved Gwyn’s character. I loved her spunk, her unwavering kindness, her loyalty, her innocence, her devotion, her talent, and I loved her interactions with Az. I loved that he rescued her and then helped train her so she wouldn’t need rescuing again. I also love how Az’s shadows interacted with her in such a different way from how they interact (or don’t) with Elain. They come out and play with Gwyn and she’s not afraid, but they seem to tuck themselves away when around Elain. Maybe because she’s so bright and sunny and Gywn feels comfort in shadows, I don’t know, just a theory. But this is a girl that is working through some trauma and is figuring out how to live and live well with that trauma. It’s not impossible, but it’s tough, and it’s going to require a lot of trust and time. Azriel is having wet dreams about Elain. I guess his attention could be swayed to Gwyn, especially if Elain truly becomes off-limits for him. If that is the course SJM is thinking about going, I’d like to see it done in the same way Mist and Fury was done when Rhys was helping Feyre heal.  Elain would have to be taken out of the picture in the same way Tamlin was. I hate that for Elain, because I like her and I want to see her flourish (plus aren’t the court books about the Archeron sister’s?) but it will not bode well with me if this becomes a weird love triangle with two traumatized women and a spy.

I thought this would help me but it has not. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I don’t think I’ll be mad if it goes either way. Elriel or Gwynriel, I’ll be happy for both of them.

Still don’t want Elain with Lucien because of previously mentioned reasons. He has learned to chill, but I still think he handled the bond wrong and now he needs to put in the time.

#book talk #a court of silver flames #sarah j maas #nesta x cassian #spoiler #elriel #gwynriel #azriel #azriel and elain #azriel and gwyn #elucien #lucien and elain #who knows #i don't #i need to move on #this is unhealthy #book obsessed

[hiccanna-tidbits]

Hiccanna 100 OTP Questions Meme--Part 1

So I saw this 100 Questions About Your OTP post, and I decided to do them for Hiccanna! And...I am never doing one of these memes again, because this took forever XD I decided to split it in two to avoid just creating a giant Monster Post. QUESTION SOURCE: https://the-moon-dust-writings.tumblr.com/post/159857601812/100-otp-questions 1. Who loves flower crowns more? Anna is highkey obsessed with them! Especially kinda lopsided weird ones with sunflowers and shit. Hiccup likes them a lot too but is too embarrassed to ever admit it 2. Who is the one who likes to cuddle? Probably Anna tbh, she’s extremely huggy and cuddly and basically always initiates the cuddle sessions. Hiccup is secretly super grateful for this because he’s actually touch-starved as all hell but absolutely is not aware of it like cmon do you think big tough Stoic hugged him a lot growing up??? Kinda doubt it tbh 3. Who has awful taste in music? Depends on who you ask XD Hiccup has exactly 2 Music Moods--Stuffy classical orchestal stuff with a bunch of fancy violin and flute and whatnot, and edgy underground alternative hipster nonsense from bands no one has ever heard of. Anna, meanwhile, is a simple woman, who listens almost exclusively to shitty, catchy-butvery-unoriginal Top 40 hits and belts along with them to the radio, much to Hiccup’s chagrin XD 4. Who is the meme lover? A N N A she is a memelord supreme 5. How did their second date go? An...oddly specific question XD But I’ll take a stab at it. I imagine on their first date they went to see some high fantasy epic movie with fancy CGI (they’d both be HELLA into that--Anna for the magic and epic romances and Hiccup for the interesting magical creatures) and then gushed about it for hours afterwards, so their second date might be something a bit more lowkey where they’d just talk and hang out. I feel like they both probably are coffee addicts, so...a coffee shop date, maybe? And Anna gets some kinda chocolate pastry, of course! 6. How many children do they want/have? Tbh unpopular opinion probably, but I actually don’t think Hiccup and Anna would necessarily want kids??? They’re definitely the kind of couple who would love exploring the world and taking spontaneous adventures together, and you can do a lot less of that when kids are typing you down. Not to mention I think the full-time responsibility of having a kid would be pretty exhausting to Anna in particular, as someone who identifies with her a lot and has never wanted kids because even thinking about it makes me tired XD I mean sure, Anna has a nurturing side that comes out with Elsa sometimes, but she doesn’t have to use that ALL THE TIME (since Elsa is a grown-ass adult usually capable of sound judgement) like she would with a kid. But ALL THAT SAID if they DID end up having kids I don’t think they’d go too crazy with it, probably just 1. Or 2 at the VERY most. 7. Who hides the weapons? You mean like...in an AU where they’re infiltrating an enemy fortress or something? Probably Anna, since she’s the more innocent and harmless-looking of the two XD 8. Who is the better dancer? They both can’t dance for SHIT it’s absolutely cringeworthy but probably Anna at the end of the day because she probably spent a lot of time practicing in those empty ballrooms 9. Do/Did they have a theme wedding? They’d probably want to have some kind of a magic high fantasy theme, since they’d both be hella into that--and then it ends up morphing into “Dragons and Princesses” XD Anna ends up getting over-the-top fancy princess dresses for all of her bridesmaids and Hiccup has the time of his damn life making basically everything in the buffet dragon-themed. The cake is like half dark green or black scale-patterned and half fancy-patterned spring green tiers. It’s quite the event of the decade! 10. What do their parents think of them dating? Valka absolutely ADORES Anna and thinks she’s perfect for her son--the perfect blend of cheerful and compassionate when she needs to encourage him, but also badass and tough-spirited to protect him when she needs to. Stoic doesn’t really like Anna at first--he’s under the (mistaken) impression that she’s a wimp and finds her bubbliness kind of grating and annoying, and generally worries that dating her will just make Hiccup even more of a wimp. He’d rather him date a no-nonsense tough-as-nails asskicker like Astrid in hopes it would toughen him up. However, once Stoic sees Anna do something like punch someone out with no hesitation when they pick on her and Hiccup, Stoic comes around to Anna VERY quickly XD I feel like Agnar and Iduna would just be happy to see their daughter dating a sweet, dorky guy who loves her with all of her being and appreciates her for who she is. As long as he treats her well and makes her feel loved (which he most certainly would because he’s a precious cinnamon roll), he gets their stamp of approval. And hey, anything is an improvement over Hans XD 11. Are they a super sappy couple? Nah. I imagine they do a lot of PDA and probably hold hands or kiss in public a lot, but they’re not like...overly gooey in how they talk to each other, if that makes any sense. If anything, their flirting is painfully awkward, even AFTER they get together XD So much so that when they try to hit on each other in front of their friends their friends are like “oh my god STOP this is too much secondhand cringe for me to bear” 12. How did they get together? I like to imagine they’re friends for a long while but both of them fully 100% believe that the other is ridiculously out of their league and they’re irreparably trapped in the friendzone and one day they’re hanging out with their friends and awkwardly flirting with each other (but of couRse the other person isn’t FLIRTING they’re just being NICE they both figure) and finally Jack just shouts “oh my god will you two just fuck already???” and after a few minutes of utter mortification they just have the world’s most awkward love confession XD Anna finally relents and asks Hiccup on a date, and of course he says yes! 13. Who asked the other to get married? I can honestly imagine either of them asking but probably Hiccup. And he’s SO nervous about it that he starts straight stuttering the first few times he tries to ask and has to stop and change the subject XD He probably gets it finally after like...the 5th time. 14. Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes? A N N A 100% I headcanon that she has pretty bad insomnia (that’s why she has such a hard time waking up and is so tired in the morning!) so she stays up to the wee hours of the morning with her brain spinning with incredibly weird thoughts and her sense of humor becomes nigh indecipherable after 3 am. 15. Who is the nerd? Hiccup obviously is this even a question??? He spends all day collecting dragon facts and lore and building weird scientific contraptions to help crippled dragons fly WHAT A NERD  16. Who knows the most obscure facts? Hiccup again, he knows so many dragon factoids and random scientific shit that Anna sometimes wonders how he manages to fit anything else in there 17. Who makes the other a flower crown? Anna! She makes ones for both herself and Hiccup and Hiccup begrudgingly wears his but secretly thinks it’s pretty and likes it because it reminds him of his dorky gf :3 18. Who likes to read? Both! I mean Hiccup obviously does because, as established above, he is a nerd, but Anna has canonically read every book in the Arendelle castle library, some twice, so she doesn’t NOT like to read. Hiccup probably reads more, though, between the two of them--Anna often doesn’t really have the attention span for it. 19. Who bothers the other person while the other person reads? ANNA she loves to constantly hang over Hiccup’s shoulder when he reads and drape herself all over him like a needy cat like “PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE” and Hiccup just lets out a defeated sigh and starts playing with her hair while reading and hopes this will be enough to appease the little gremlin It usually is 20. Who tutors the other? Hiccup tutors Anna, but she HATES having to ask and is actually pretty insecure about school just generally not coming as naturally to her as it does to Hiccup, so he’s always super patient and understanding with her and tries his very best to never get annoyed or frustrated if she doesn’t catch onto something right away. He doesn’t want her to ever feel stupid because he imagines it feels the same to her as when people call him weak and useless. Slowly but surely, he’s saving Anna’s grades--and building her confidence! 21. Do they have similar taste in movies? Hell yeah! They love that high fantasy shit. I also like to think Hiccup manages to get Anna into some sci-fi and Anna manages to get Hiccup into romcoms (ONLY the good ones, he insists, as he would not be caught dead watching a shitty romcom!) 22. How do their personalities compliment each other? I mean the most obvious one here is that Hiccup’s general pessimism and cynicism compliment Anna’s optimism and cheerfulness really nicely. He would be able to keep her grounded and get her to be more realistic about things, while she would encourage him to see the positive side of bad situations and be more hopeful about things in general. Also I love the contrast of Hiccup’s intelligence and more quiet, snarky nature with Anna’s rather boisterous personality and general naivitey (sp?) and energy. They’re like a downplayed version of the “the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one” trope and I think that’s beautiful. Also, they’d both be great at soothing the other’s isecurities--Anna would be Hiccup’s biggest cheerleader and would believe in him like no one else did, and would stop at nothing to pull him out of it when he started spiraling into self-loathing and thinking he’s a fuck-up. Hiccup, meanwhile, would be so smitten with Anna and would think that it’s the most obvious thing in the world that she’s an amazing human being in her own rite and never has to feel like the “spare” princess living in her sister’s shadow. And saying this without a shadow of a doubt, like it’s common knowledge, is often exactly what Anna needs to hear to feel a little better about herself. 23. How do they tell everyone that they are going to be having a kid/adopting a child soon? I...honestly don’t think they’d be that extra about it??? In fact, they’d be the sort of couple who would be so UN-extra about it that it would do a full 180 and be hilarious. Like they’d be casually brunching with friends and Hiccup would just casually be like “oh by the way, Anna’s 3 months pregnant” or “oh, by the way, we just signed some adoption papers and we’re picking our new kid up on Saturday” and all of their friends would be like “wait WHAT” and Hiccup would be like “Anyways what were you saying about the newest episode of Alien Space Shooters 3000?” XD  24. Who has better fashion sense? Hiccup, probably. I mean, Astrid caught him making OUTFITS! The horror! The dude is also way more effeminate and, uh...clothing-conscientious than he realizes XD Anna has decent fashion sense, but I imagine that’s like 90% because Elsa spices up/makes her outfits since Elsa’s really more of the fashionista XD 25. Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner? Try bullying Hiccup when Anna’s around. I dare you. You’re gonna get a fistful of Anna Rage and a very angry redhead screaming “THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO MY BOYFRIEND I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU” Look this woman punched a man off a boat and knocked a wolf half a mile away with a guitar thing she absolutely takes no shits and she can and will fuck you up if you so much as lay a finger on her precious dork Hiccup thinks this is really hot btw 26. What songs do they sing together in the vehicle? For whatever reason the first songs that come to mind are “Africa” by Toto and “Don’t Stop Believin” by Journey. ALSO “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus since they both are, in fact, teenage dirtbags XD It also like perfectly describes the story of a modern AU where Hiccup the Loser is secretly pining for Anna the Nice Popular Girl who is dating Hans the Douchebag but that’s neither here nor there 27. What other couple would your otp get along with? Jackunzel, Jackunzel, Jackunzel!!! Jack and Hiccup would definitely be bros, even if they are not above mercilessly roasting and/or trolling one another XD And Anna and Rapunzel would be BEST FRIENDS if they ever met and I will DIE on this hill, I legit don’t think Anna would Vibe with any other princess as hard as she vibes with Punzel. They could be ADHD disasters together XD 28. Who likes to prank the other? Anna actually turns out to be quite the closet gadfly and has a secret side that LOVES pranks and generally trolling Hiccup, much to everyone’s surprise and Hiccup’s mild dismay. It’s always pretty innocent and subtle pranks, like switching books on his bookshelf or hiding his various possessions in weird places in the house, but Anna absolutely LIVES for that long, defeated sigh he lets out when he realizes he’s Been Had. 29. Who is the one who loves to take pictures? Anna takes pictures of EVERYTHING on her phone--scenery, flowers, cute animals they come across, weird buildings, pretty fountains, Hiccup when he’s not looking, EVERYTHING XD She also bombs all her social media accounts with selfies of her and Hiccup and captions gloating about how great he is and how you WISH your boyfriend was this cool and rad and Hiccup is both embarrassed and flattered by this. 30. How would they react if they found out they were soul mates? Anna, who probably never stopped fully being a sucker for fairy tale True Love stories and all that shit, would fangirl for hours and hours. Hiccup would just go, “Oh, neat!” and go back to whatever project he was currently working on XD I mean his logic is mainly that regardless of whether it’s “magically destined” or not, he’s gonna date Anna anyway, so it really doesn’t make a scrap of difference to him whether she’s dubbed by some Mystical Higher Power as his soulmate lol  31. Where would they live? Well...SOMEWHERE in Scandinavia, since that’s canonically where both Berk and Arendelle are XD I kinda like the idea of them spending part of the year in Berk and part in Arendelle...maybe spring and summer in Berk, and fall and winter in Arendelle? I imagine spring and summer are when there’s the most interesting dragon activity in Berk, and winter’s probably pretty festive and colorful in Arendelle, if OFA is anything to go by. And the fall color is pretty too, going by Frozen 2. Seems like a good compromise, since I doubt either of them would want to permanently move away from their homes. 32. What type of dragon would they own, if they could have one? Given the shipping this question is HILARIOUSLY ironic Well it just so happens they would have a type of dragon called a Night Fury and name him Toothless XD Anna would probably have a dragon of her own too--I conversed with someone on fanfic.net and did some research into all the HTTYD dragons, and I think the one I like her most with is a sand wraith, since they live on the beach and Anna certainly seems to like the beach, if her throwaway comment complaining Elsa doesn’t have “tropical” powers is anything to go by XD 33. If they were both vampires, what type of vampires would they be? First of all, fuck you for making me google “Types of Vampires” and then getting me aggravated because like nowhere on the internet is there a straightforward list of vampire "species” that isn’t like 5 miles long or just a meme XD Welp, I couldn’t really find a list of vampire species that wouldn’t take forever to look over, so I wrote a summary for a vampire fanfic instead Anna turns first. I imagine probably Hans turns her--tricks her into falling in love with him without knowing he’s a vampire, and then biting her when she’s off-guard to basically try to make her into a spooky sex slave or something. Anna starts seeing Hiccup in secret (who she knew before--he’s still human at this point), and eventually he asks her to turn him so that he can be with her without her outliving him and also so that they can team up and fight Hans together. Anna has a lot of reservations about turning him, but finally agrees. They end up kicking Hans out of his spooky vampire castle and taking it for themselves XD Anna eventually makes the best of being a vampire, and has a blast wearing all manor of fancy dresses and throwing extravagant balls. She’s pretty bummed about never getting to gorge herself on garlic bread again, though :( Hiccup doesn’t much like it, especially since a lot of animals are scared of him now and he doesn’t Vibe with nature quite like he used to D: Nonetheless, he decides to use the immortality to do some pretty neat projects and work on his contraptions and inventions and whatnot. I imagine they eventually devolve into kind of a vigilante duo, and make a point of only hunting down and feeding on bad people who are actively hurting or abusing other people or animals. A pretty good incentive to not like...do violent crime in this AU is those creepy old wives’ tales people tell their kids like “don’t be an asshole when you grow up, or the Haddock vampires will get you!” 34. What would they dress up as, for Halloween? Well Hiccup would be some sort of dragon, obviously! Anna I have no idea...but I kinda like the idea of her just dressing up as a generic fairy tale princess and then going around with Hiccup like “oh no, this dragon kidnapped me!” Both their friends and various trick-or-treaters get a kick out of the whole bit. 35. Can they name each other’s favourite food? But of course! Anna’s is chocolate, krumkake, and sandwiches, and Hiccup’s is crabcakes (yes, all this is actually canon! I do my research for fanfiction thank you very much lol). And you can bet they surprise each other by buying one another’s favorite foods all the time! 36. Do they have pet names for one another? In my fanfic I always have Hiccup come up with SO MANY for Anna, like in my Fire!Anna AU fanfic alone I have Fire Hazard, Firecracker, and probably a few others I can’t remember One headcanon I really like is that whenever Anna is especially ready to attempt to kick the ass of something she really should NOT fight (such as a giant snowman), Hiccup physically has to hold her back and goes “Whoa, slow down there, tiger” and this happens so frequently that eventually it gets shortened to just calling her Tiger XD And hey, with the orange hair and the feistiness, it still fits! As for Anna, she usually just calls Hiccup Dragon Boy or Nerd XD 37. How do they cheer each other up? I imagine Hiccup probably tries to distract Anna from whatever’s bothering her by making her laugh and talking in dumb accents or imitating his dad XD Anna would probably try to help Hiccup stay optimistic about a bad situation and try to point out the positives, but more in an encouraging way than like...an obnoxious, condescending “oh, it could be worse, count your blessings!” kind of way. And Anna has so much peppy energy about it that it actually does sometimes manage to pierce Hiccup’s cynicism and make him feel a bit better, if only for a little while before he starts once again imagining everything that could possibly go wrong XD 38. Do they show a lot of PDA? Eeeeeyup XD They looooove holding hands in public, and enjoy kissing dramatically in front of the sunset and such. I mean I imagine they don’t have hardcore makeout sessions in public or feel each other up sexually, if only because they don’t want to make people THAT uncomfortable. 39. How old were they when they got together? Depends on the AU you’re using and where in both their respective timelines they meet, but I imagine them meeting either as kids or in their early teens, and then taking so damn long to spit out how they feel that they don’t actually start dating until their late teens or early 20s. 40. Who is the one that would bring the puppy home? If it’s a puppy? Probably Anna. If it’s a kitten or a weird, injured reptile? Deeeefinitely Hiccup. 41. Can they do yoga couple’s poses? They most certainly CANNOT. I like to think Elsa and Honeymaren tried to teach them one time and have a yoga double date (because of COURSE Elsa would suggest that) and it ended with Anna and Hiccup butchering every last pose, repeatedly falling on their asses, and generally having a bad time. Poor Elsa and Honeymaren had to work hard to keep from just losing their shit laughing. 42. What is their song? I mean...I don’t know what their like...OFFICIAL song is, but the songs “West End Kids” by the New Politics and “Paper Rings” by Taylor Swift have always had Big Hiccanna Energy to me. 43. What does their room look like? It’s divided pretty neatly in two. Hiccup’s side has a near-spotless floor, a desk with a perfectly-organized bookshelf and a very chic desk lamp, several movie posters and a hanging whiteboard with miscellaneous invention designs and reminders about random stuff written on it. Anna’s side looks like Hurricane Katrina just swept through, this time with a personal vendetta against snack wrappers. 44. Who would be the one to kill zombies while the other keeps them grounded? Anna would absolutely be the sort to just fuckin tear through hoards of zombies screeching battle cries and knocking them all upside the head with a crowbar, or just straight plowing down an entire hoard with some freaking machine gun she stumbled on and taught herself how to use because she wanted to be badass XD Meanwhile Hiccup is absolutely grateful for the protection because Anna can fuck up a LOT of zombies at once, but he also has to keep the girl from going TOO crazy and accidentally putting her impulsive dumbass in grave peril XD 45. Who makes the other breakfast in bed? Hiccup, for sure. He’s used to being up pretty early because I imagine you get the most dragon-flying and exploring in if you wake up early, and he knows food is basically the only thing that will make Anna not hate getting up, so he makes her breakfast in bed as often as he can to make waking up suck less. And sure enough, after a while Anna starts to hate the morning just a liiiiittle bit less XD 46. Who loves kids more? Anna! Given how fun-loving and energetic she is, she probably loves hanging out with and being around kids. Hiccup likes kids fine, but he often feels kinda awkward and weird around them (I mean...more so than usual XD) because he isn’t sure how to interact with them. When they’re around kids, Hiccup usually follows Anna’s lead on how to talk to them. 47. Do either of them have a crazy ex? Well Anna’s ex attempted to use her to infiltrate and take over a kingdom and then tried to murder her sister so I mean 48. What are their favourite colours? Going by their canon color schemes, I’m guessing Anna’s would probably be like spring green and magenta, and Hiccup’s would be a more dark, foresty green and red. 49. Who likes to cook? Hiccup. Anna can’t cook for shit because she generally doesn’t have the patience for it and would just as soon live off of freezer food if she could because it’s less trouble XD Hiccup is good at making/building things, which actually translates to him being a pretty good chef. He makes Anna food a lot and she absolutely ADORES his cooking. 50. Who is the forgetful one? Anna. Gotta love that ADHD babeyyyy! (I mean I’m practically irl Anna and I am NOTORIOUSLY forgetful so it’s gotta be her XD)

#hiccanna #hiccup x anna #anna x hiccup #otp questions #anna #hiccup #hiccupxanna #annaxhiccup #rotbtfd #httyd #frozen #crossover

[casmoments]

Marriage of Convenience ; part 1

Prompt: “Arranged Marriage” -  Certain factions of heaven are on your tail, the consequence of your death a trigger to greater destruction.  In order to protect your life and others, you agree to an old custom that prevents any heavenly agent from harming you.   The basic ritual?  You have to marry an angel.  First part in a series.   Reader Gender: female Word Count: 9800 (sorry! other chapters will be shorter) Warnings: virgin!reader, grace/soul stuff, arranged marriage.  there is an acknowledged attraction between the reader and Cas but i’ll say dub-con because without the marriage, they probably wouldn’t have hooked up.

special warning: there is no blood or disturbing content, but if you’re squicked out by anything happening to the lower arm/wrist region, then note this chapter has a moment when that area is used to access the grace/soul.  

-

This right here. This was the answer to everything.   If enquiring minds ever sought an explanation—how is it that you, Y/N, renowned for an easy heart and easier libido, could possibly live with two hunky hero types and not spend your days conceiving inappropriate scenarios?—then this was the answer.    Dirty laundry.   Because the boys were often swamped with work, a fair enough justification, you had shouldered a fair deal of the bunker chores.   You had consequently seen enough dirty underwear to last a lifetime.   Bumbling and awkward as you might have been upon meeting them, after six months as resident prophet in their admittedly kickass bunker, any menial tension had dissolved.  

Completely.  

You would sooner kiss a gerbil.

Well, you thought frankly, grimacing as you dropped a pair of boxers into the washing machine, there is one lingering possibility…

You supposed there were few mortals who could resist the temptation that was Castiel, Smouldering Angel of the Lord.   He was a collection of contradictory attributes bound in one dreamy, mysterious, husky-voiced  package.   You had barely spoken with him, exchanges limited to polite greetings and vague acknowledgements, but that heated blue stare and handsome form supplied enough fantasies on their own.  

Unfortunately, despite a colourful mind, your experience in the sex and romance department was limited to… well, did airport frisks count?  

With a resigned sigh,  you poured laundry detergent into the appropriate compartment.   Maybe if you didn’t aim your prospects so damn high—angel?  really?—then you would have better luck with the relationship pursuits.   Not that it really mattered now seeing as you couldn’t exactly party hard outside the bunker.    As usual, the only thing fucking you over was your shit luck.  

You were not only a prophet but apparently the prophet.   You were the human source which heaven could utilize to completely eradicate all future prophets.   That meant killing you in some backward ritual, effectively killing countless people down the line as well.   That was a catastrophe even without the  collateral damage that could spring from having no prophets ever, ever again.   Heaven was warring, as per usual, but if you fell into the wrong hands then a lot of people would suffer.

You especially.

You weren’t sure why you were so special, though Castiel had explained it that first night.  Something about being a prophet but also a strong vessel and being born under a certain cosmic alignment or something.   Honestly, your brain had been scattered that night.  Not to mention Castiel was kinda hard to listen to when he was simultaneously marching around with an intense stare, heaving chest, blood streaked face, taut muscles, silver blade—

You cleared your throat and closed the laundry machine.   It was probably a good thing Castiel’s visits were few and far between.   Sparse in your case, at least.   He helped the Winchesters on their hunts but you rarely saw him.   Castiel clearly held no interest in you.   It was probably for the best, however bitter you were.

“Hey, Y/N!”  Dean’s echoing voice startled you.  The boys had left on a case and though you expected them back today, you hadn’t heard them come in.  You placed the laundry basket on the floor and left the room, making for the library.   You were still dressed down, sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair unwashed and knotted in a messy bun, but it was just the Winchesters and you didn’t particularly care.

You regretted those innocent musings immediately.   Sam and Dean were nattering about something but your attention shattered.   The remaining broken pieces fell onto Castiel who, upon your appearance, glanced over.   You froze in place, holding that stare with plain horror.   Castiel was standing between Sam and Dean though he was not invested in their conversation.   But he soon looked away from you as well, an almost angry furrow in his brow as he turned his head.

Rude, you thought, pouting.  You weren’t exactly Miss America at the moment but you hardly deserved to be shunned into oblivion.  

But you conceded your assumption was ridiculous.  Whatever bothered Castiel had nothing to do with you.    The shit was hitting the fan up in heaven, spilling across the earth in consequence, and his mind was no doubt occupied with higher deeds.     The glance he spared you was fleeting and empty, his dark expression leant to a greater purpose.

“Hey, Y/N,” Dean suddenly interjected.   You looked at him, staring dumbly.   “Doin’ all right there, Cinderella?”

“What?” you asked, then shook your head to clear your thoughts.   “Yeah, yeah.  Of course.  What’s up?  How’d the hunt go?”

“We weren’t hunting,” Castiel surprised you with an answer.   His brow was still creased, jaw stiff.   He glanced at you before turning aside, taking a few steps nowhere.  

“Oh,” you said, confused.   “I thought—okay.  What did you do that took a week and a half?  Or is this one of those ‘Y/N, don’t ask because you’re not crawling into my bed when you get nightmares again’ things?”   In fairness, you totally only did that once.

“It’s not our beds you should be worrying about,” Dean said, tone jesting but the joke beyond you.  You looked at him strangely while Sam heaved a breath, tossing his brother a dry regard.

“Dean,” he said sharply, then looked at you.   “What he means is… it concerns you.”

“What concerns me?” you asked, not sure if you were scared or annoyed.   You stepped closer to the table which divided you and the boys.   Castiel had wandered a few chairs down and seated himself.   He propped his elbow on the table and rested his temple against his fist, gaze cast aside.   You didn’t trust yourself to look at him for long, something weirdly sexy about the casual arm slung over the back of the chair, so you looked at Sam and Dean.  They appeared to be sharing a wordless discussion before Sam gestured to the table.  

“You should, ah, probably sit down for this,” he said.   With a wary glance, you pulled out a chair and slowly sat.  

“Are you kicking me out?” you asked, though you didn’t think that was the case.   That would be news worth celebrating because it meant the boys had vanquished the threat looming over your head.    You might have received the news poorly, having almost no life to return to after everything and having grown fond of your new friends, but they had no reason to struggle.  

“Not exactly,” Dean said, light-heartedness fracturing beneath a frown.

“Yeah, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you want,” Sam said, sitting opposite you.   He looked at you with those soft eyes usually reserved for special cases.   Your tense shoulders slackened and you nodded a bit, following.  

“So what’s going on then?”  you asked.

“Well,” Dean said, “the good news is, we found a way to get heaven off your ass.”  You smiled, legitimately relieved now that they extended an invitation to stay.    

“Well, that’s great,” you said, then considered Dean’s phrasing.   “What’s the bad news?”

“Bad news,” Dean said, sweeping his hand in gesticulation to Castiel.   “You have to hitch a flyboy.”

You paused for a moment, reconciling Dean’s odd idioms with what they entailed.   When you realized exactly what he meant, you paused for another moment and almost forgot to breathe.  

“What?” you eventually burst, mouth suddenly dry, tongue scraping words like sandpaper.   “What… what do you… what…”

“It’s part of some ancient canon,” Sam quickly said, scholastic facts pouring like they could soften the blow.   “Basically… while angels were mostly condemned for fraternizing with humans, there was this exception written into the code of heaven that basically said an angel could take a vessel and, so long as the vessel was empty, that angel could marry a prophet.   Not just any prophet, though—”

“Let me guess,” you grumbled, bare toes idly stabbing the cold floor, “Prophet.  Vessel.   Stars and destiny and stuff.”

“Uh, kinda.  Yeah,” Sam said.  “The rule was clearly designed for something like this.  Heaven knew that if the right prophet came along, they could pose a threat, intentional or not, so they created a loophole to save themselves.”

“Hey, look, we don’t like this anymore than you,” Dean said, stepping up to the table and leaning over.  “That’s why you gotta know that you can back out if you don’t think you can do this.   We can find another way.”

“We’re kinda running low on options here,” Sam said, tentatively.   He looked from Dean to you.   “But Dean’s right.  We won’t force you to do anything.”

“What… what does this marriage even do?” you asked, this torrent of information flooding quickly at your feet.

“It marks you as, you know…”  Sam looked for the word.  “Holy.  No angel, not even anyone working for an angel, can hurt you once you’ve been bound.”

“It’s an everlasting accord,” Castiel said, standing up.   He looked at you with a no-nonsense expression.  “It will protect you for eternity but… it expects reciprocation.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked.

“It means once you’re married, you’re married,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck, clearly growing uncomfortable with the proposition.  “You can’t just get a quickie divorce and hit up Vegas for round two.”

“No adultery either,” Sam said.  “There’s not necessarily an expectation that you’ll love your husband or anything, but if you intentionally break the vow itself then the entire marriage is annulled.”

“And you’re back to square one,” Dean finished.   You rubbed your temple and then took pause, your stomach knotting indubitably.   You supposed the answer was fairly obvious and still, you really had to ask…

“Who will I be marrying?” you asked.  Dean went to answer but Castiel, without hesitation, spoke.

“I volunteered,” Castiel said, looking at you more tenderly now that some of the awkward tension had subsided.  “Of course.”

“Of course,” you repeated.  You could feel the heat in your cheeks but the boys thankfully refrained from commenting, obviously reading your faint distress and respecting it.  Any other time, they probably would have teased you for it.  They didn’t necessarily know about your crush on the angel but you supposed anyone could infer from your insistent blushes and stammering phrases.  At this particular moment, you couldn’t even conjure a stammer.  It felt like your stomach had flipped upside down—hell, it felt like the world had flipped upside down.   Not five minutes ago you were standing by yourself over a pile of dirty laundry, mourning your sorry excuse for a love life.  Now you were some blushing Victorian maiden being bartered off to a baron to secure your family.

You knew the boys would never make you do anything.  They were the captains of free will and they never went down without a fight.   If this didn’t work, they would probably search for something else.   Would it be to any avail though?  It had already been six months and this was the first thing that could do any good.  And you liked living here but needless to say, you missed the outside world.   Sam and Dean took you out on occasion but they were glued to your side the entire time.   You missed taking walks by yourself and just enjoying the quiet of your activities.

This marriage seemed like an easy out.   Honestly, you weren’t convinced you would otherwise marry anyway.   You wouldn’t exactly be leaving a string of broken hearts in your wake.

And it was, in the end, Castiel.  You had no delusions about the outcome of events.   You knew this was a strictly professional arrangement.   All the same, glancing at him now, your heart palpitated with promise.   You could marry Castiel.   What a strange universe.  There was actually a legitimate reason for you to marry him.   Anxious and fidgety as you were, it would be ridiculous to refuse this.   Perhaps you and Castiel would become better friends and, in the process, you could ensure your own safety, your own freedom, the safety and freedom of generations to come, and, on more superficial terms, you could tell people you were married and your husband was a babe.

The boys watched you puzzle this out.  Feeling a little better, though a faint blush still coloured your cheeks, you smiled.   You were a bit too scared to glance at Castiel, fearing your blush would worsen and nerves return, but you nodded to the Winchesters.

“I’ll do it,” you said.  “This is important and… and yes, I’m fine with it.”

“You’re sure?”  Dean asked.  “Because there’s no turning back.   Once you’re married, that’s it.  You’re stuck with this mook for eternity.”  He jabbed a thumb in Castiel’s direction.

“I understand,” you said, a soft pit aching in your stomach.  You had no delusions about Castiel, true.   You never did.   But in the back of your mind, there was always a romantic yearning for something somewhere.   If you agreed to marry Castiel then that would never happen.  But if you hid in the bunker for the rest of your life anyway, wouldn’t the same fate unfold?  Even if they did find another way to save you, which sounded highly unlikely anyway, how many years would go by?   How would you feel by the end of it?   You had to resign yourself to the simple truth that an epic romance was simply not written in your cards.  You had been dealt your hand and there were no substitutions for human life.   You had to play the game before you.  

“There is one more thing,” Castiel said.  You swallowed a lump in your throat and blinked over, found him staring at you.   “The marriage must be consummated.”

You actually felt the heat laden in your belly.  Consummate was a relatively unsexy word but every last fantasy and daydream suddenly exploded in your head.  You didn’t say anything but your breath caught.  Castiel continued, maybe a bit flustered beneath a serious countenance.

“The marriage is invalid if it’s not physically consummated,” he said.  “It’s between the mortal and divine, so it must be committed in human terms and celestial ones.”   You had no idea what a celestial consummation entailed but god, you could feel it in your toes.   Your blush had returned full force and your gaze locked on Castiel while he spoke.   “Until it’s done, heaven won’t recognize the marriage.   You would, effectively, be swearing yourself to nothing.”   He paused, reading your apprehension and speaking with what reassurance he could muster.   “You don’t need to worry,” he said, “I won’t intrude on your space or bed after that night.”   That fell over you like a cold blanket, shocking you out of your existing surprise.   You blinked rapidly, looking away from him.   “I am sorry, Y/N,” he said, voice low.  “If there was another way—”

“No, no,” you said, voice squeaking.   You cleared your throat, smiled at thin air.   “No, it’s fine, Cas.  Really.  I just… didn’t expect heaven to get so physical.”

“Heaven is a determined congregation,” he said.   You looked his way but did not meet his eye, your gaze falling at chest level.   You followed the buttons of his trenchcoat with fake interest.  “They won’t rest until they’ve achieved what they sought to do.   With a look at your soul, they can decipher whether your marriage has been validated.   It’s a means of proving the union.”

“Proof of purchase, basically,” Dean offered.   You looked at him, having almost forgotten the Winchesters were there.   Sam was looking at you with concern, gentle and kind.   Dean crossed his arms.  You braved face even if your insides had turned to mush all over again.  

“I get it,” you said.  “No worries.  It’s just…”  You pushed your chair out and they all straightened, bracing themselves as if they expected you to swoon or something.   God almighty, you inwardly swore, I really am a Victorian maiden.  Someone was going to be running off for smelling salts at this rate.    “It’s just a lot to take in,” you finished, smiling, backing out of the room.   “I… I’ll still do it, of course.  I just… I just need to… rest, I think…”  You almost tripped, stumbling through the doorway.  The boys leaned forward and you waved your hand.   “Fine!  I’m fine!  I got it.  I’ll, uh, see you all later.”

With that said, you sprinted down the corridor and made for your room.

-

The wedding, if it could even be called that, was scheduled for a Saturday.   You barely slept the night before, nervous when you thought about being declared someone’s wife and when you considered that this time tomorrow, you wouldn’t be alone in your bed.

The big day arrived without any pomp or ceremony.   There were apparently a few rituals to enact but the boys would no doubt take care of it.   You figured your biggest worry was “I do”.    Not that this was a typical, straightforward wedding.   The process was more complicated, long-winded, and there was no literal “I do” or even kiss at the end.

The ceremony apparently had to be conducted by a cherub and Castiel knew a trustworthy cupid.   He would be brought to the bunker to bind you in excessively holy matrimony, your sole spectators Sam and Dean.  The cherub was delivered to the dungeon, Castiel in charge of wrangling him.   They weren’t about to give away the bunker’s location, even if Castiel promised the cupid was trustworthy, but getting married in the open would basically send a beacon to the troops of heaven.   Last chance to capture me, fellas!  No, it was better this way.   Even if it meant your wedding was conducted in a dungeon.  

You hoped that wasn’t a poetic reflection of anything.

The boys made some effort to ease the weirdness.   Sam gave you a dress, not a wedding dress but a formal lace thing, claiming Dean picked it out and Sam wasn’t supposed to say.  The boys wore their FBI suits even though the formality was unnecessary.   Somehow, it did make things easier.  It allowed you to comfortably address the obvious—this was a marriage, technically—while also keeping spirits light.

Sam escorted you to the not-so-lavish quarters.   Dean was standing there in his FBI suit, adjusting Castiel’s tie.  Castiel was in his usual ensemble, eyes downturned.  Dean looked over when you entered the room.   He grinned wolfishly.

“Would you look at that,” Dean said, tugging on Cas’s tie.  “Prophet cleans up nice, hey?”   Castiel’s glance was somewhat dry.  He adjusted his own tie and Dean stepped away.

“Thank you, Dean,” you said, gathering some of the lace in your hands and spreading the skirt.   The dress only fell to your knees but had a slight poof nonetheless.   “My compliments to whoever picked it out,” you teased.   Dean glared at Sam, good-humoured.

“Yeah, I’ll pass that on to the son of a bitch,” Dean said.  Sam rolled his eyes and you smiled between them.   Castiel, who was spending way too much time adjusting that tie of his, still hadn’t met your gaze.   He flipped the fabric a couple more times, shifting the knot.   Then he swallowed and turned, nodding to you.

“Y/N,” he said.   His gaze only briefly appraised you but it sent your heart fluttering anyway.   “You look very nice.”

“Thanks, Cas,” you said.   Not much else could be exchanged because another character ambled out of the shadows, holding a book in his hand.    The excited cupid wasted little time, launching into commencement—and dramatic embraces.

The ceremony began in the morning and did not end until late afternoon.   Though you understood Enochian fluently, an aspect of your prophetic gifts, the language was superfluously embellished and often ancient in its chosen vernacular.   You barely followed along but Castiel knew the way, guiding you.   At a moment, he held your hand, and you thought it was part of the ritual.  Not so.   Your nerves had bested you and he must have sensed it, his thumb running soothing patterns over your knuckles.   You weren’t sure if it helped or made things worse.

It took eternity and a day, but the ceremony did conclude in the afternoon.  With the officiating complete and ceremony ended, you knew very well what came next.

Or, at least, you thought you knew.  

Your marriage could be consummated at any time—and you attempted not to shiver when you thought too deeply—but for some reason you assumed it would follow the sacrament.  Apparently not.  

You were separated from your husband—husband, husband!—as Sam led you to the library, leaving Castiel and Dean to return the cherub from whence he came.   Sam tossed his suit jacket over a chair and loosened his tie, distracting you with light-hearted commentary until the other two returned.

And when they returned, they had pizza.

So it was an unusual wedding and an unusual marriage.  Anyone could admit that.   But as afternoon bled into evening and eventually night, you forgot every oddity and fell into a comfortable peace with your friends.   Sam and Dean broke out the liquor, pizza boxes scattered across the library table, a pie prepared at Dean’s behest.    You didn’t drink much, honestly a little worried to lose your inhibitions.  You weren’t sure if it would help or worsen the situation you would inevitably face.  You decided to keep your faculties clear.  

The evening progressed.  Stories were swapped.   It was nearing midnight when things slowed down.   You glanced at the clock and the radio fizzed out, and you felt your stomach knot and nerves coil, a blush already painting your cheeks as you ground yourself in the moment.  

You chanced to look at Castiel.  He was watching Sam and Dean but glanced over.  This time you did not look away, heart not so much racing as beating loud in your ears.   Castiel returned your stare, a pensive gleam in his eye, then he turned aside to muse privately.   You exhaled and looked down, fidgeted with the hem of your dress.  

“We’ll go to bed now,” Sam said, barely sober, nudging Dean through the doorway.   “You guys, uh…”

“Good night!” a drunken Dean bellowed, stumbling out the library.   Sam just smiled sympathetically.

“Yeah,” he said.  “Good night.”

And then they were both gone and it was just you and your husband.   Your almost husband.  There was still one more step to legitimize the union.  You tried to quell your nerves and smiled tensely at a quiet Castiel.   A table sat between you, one he slowly approached.   His hand swiped the polished oak before he lifted his gaze, blue eyes burning into yours.

“Do you want to go to bed?” he asked.  By the natural gravel of his voice, that question could sound dirty without knowing its double meaning.  But you did know what he meant.  It suddenly wasn’t so easy to hide your nerves.  Your chest heaved with a shaky breath but you maintained your smile.

“Yeah,” you finally said, your own voice scraping low tones.   You cleared your throat, circling the table.   “Sounds good.”

The walk to your room was quiet, Castiel’s footsteps echoing behind you.

“You should wear shoes,” he said, noting your bare feet. You wondered why his gaze had fallen so low on your body that he would notice.    “There are strange things in this bunker.  You wouldn’t want to contract something by accidental—”

“Look at you,” you interrupted, attempting to joke because it seemed like a safe fall-back.   You reached your bedroom door and paused outside.   “Barely even married and you’re already trying to tell me what to do.”   Castiel could confuse humour on the best of days and your uncertain tone didn’t help matters.   He heard your words for what they were and nodded solemnly.

“I apologize,” he said.  “It wasn’t my intention.  I only meant to suggest—”

“It’s okay, Cas,” you said quickly.  Wow, this was not off to a good start.   “Um, why don’t we just…”  You stopped short, not sure you could finish.  Castiel tipped his head.   You turned away and cranked the doorknob, rushing into the room.   You held the door open and Castiel stepped in, somehow looking so big in the doorway.   You swallowed as he swept past, slowly closing the door as he wandered further in.   The door closed and locked with a gentle click.  

You remained there for a moment, hands on the doorframe, gaze falling nowhere particular, breath levelling.

“Y/N,” Castiel said, and your name was spoken with a sort of sorrow.   You looked over your shoulder, saw him standing in the middle of your room.  His hands were at his sides, his regard gentle if not wary.   “I won’t force myself on you,” he said.  “Please, don’t feel obligated…”  He stepped to the side, his gaze never leaving you.   “You’re safe in the bunker.  We can consummate our marriage when you’re comfortable.”    

You supposed it was easy for him to conflate your nerves with reservation.   You faced him squarely, wrung your hands.

“I am comfortable, Castiel,” you said.  “Don’t worry, I… I am definitely okay with this.”   He didn’t look entirely convinced, gaze focussed like he analyzed each breath you took.   It was then a thought occurred to you, a very reasonable one.  After all, your attraction to Castiel was more than apparent, but he never showed any signs of interest in you.   If there was anyone grappling the strings of basic consent…   “Cas,” you said quickly, absolutely not wanting to hurt him anymore than he did you, “if you don’t feel comfortable then we don’t have to.  I know I’m not—and we’re not—and it’s okay.  Like you said, the bunker is safe and I can wait—”

“Y/N,” he said, and seemed faintly amused now, “sleeping with you would not be difficult or burdensome.”

“Oh.”  Oh.  “Well, I… good.  Good.  That’s good.”

You received a faint smile at that, a barely perceptible nod of his head.   Then he sighed a bit, looking around himself.

“Should we… begin?”  he asked, looking at you.  You were still recovering from the implied compliment.  Tumbling out of your own silly mind, you measured the large gap of space between you and Castiel.   Your blood thundered hotly with promise of that distance shortening.   You nodded wordlessly, head bobbing.   You took another breath and placed your hands on your own waist, glancing at Cas just as his fingers prepared a snap.    

“Whoa—wait,” you said, guessing his objective.  He paused, hand still in the air.   “What are you doing?”

“I was… removing our clothes.” His brow furrowed, confusion evident.  

“I thought so,” you said with a gasp, waving a hand.   “Um, don’t do that.  Not like that.  I  just… let’s go slow, yeah?”   Good thing you caught that one.   Suddenly standing naked across a naked Castiel might have sent you hurtling to the floor.   Hopefully those smelling salts weren’t off the table.  

“I apologize,” Castiel said sincerely, lowering his hand.  “I assumed you would want to finish this quickly.”

“I, um,” you stammered, tearing your gaze from him.   You weren’t sure why it was so hard to admit but you couldn’t force your next words.  Castiel watched you, mildly fretful.   You sucked in a breath and exhaled it just as quickly.   “I’m sorry,” you said.  “I’m just… I’m just kind of nervous.  I’ve never…”   He tipped his head, attempting to find your roving gaze.   You slowly looked at him, his imploring regard.  It eased your nerves but barely, your stomach still wound in knots.  

“Never,” he repeated, vast celestial mind uncovering multiple truths.   He straightened and looked at you dead-on, seeming confident in his supposition.   “Sex with an angel,” he said.   He stepped closer to you but not with intent, more like a sage mentor delivering a lecture.  “I understand it can be daunting.   There was a reason heaven outlawed our relations in the first place, though I confess that most of those laws have proven to be archaic and unreasonable.   But you don’t need to have any fears.   You’re not a normal human… and truth be told I’m hardly a normal angel.   And I can prevent pregnancy, if you fear that as well.”   He just kept going and you couldn’t find an appropriate moment to interject.   “There is only one deviation from human intercourse in our case, consummating our union on the celestial plane, but I will show you what to do.   It’s a very simple matter.”

“Cas,” you said, his words reassuring in all ways but one.   For some reason, you still couldn’t force the v-word past your lips.   Castiel looked at you oddly.   You gestured sort of helplessly around yourself.   “That, uh, that wasn’t what I meant.”

He looked a bit confused, contemplative, eyes squinting.

Then realization dawned on him all at once.  You had never seen his face commit to such open and sudden expression.   His gaze dropped over your body and then settled on your face, his voice once more certain.

“You’re a virgin,” he said.   You nodded.   He stared at you a minute and then frowned, seeming truly distressed with this information.   He turned away and creased his brow.  “I wish you would have told me,” he said, mind clearly somewhere else.   You crossed your arms self-consciously over your chest, a bit surprised at his response.   It was tricky for you to vocalize but you were a human and silly insecurities were inherent in your nature.   But it wasn’t a big deal, in the end, and you had no idea why Castiel was so badly affected by this.

“I’m sorry,” you said, because you didn’t know what else to say.  Castiel looked at you again, startled by your words.

“Sorry?” he repeated, stepping towards you once more.  “Why should you apologize?  I’m the one responsible for this.”  

You laughed, a choked sound, at the absurdity of his remark.  

“Uh, Cas, I’m pretty sure you’re not responsible for my virginity,” you said, attempting to keep your voice light despite how you felt.   “The culprit for that one is just, you know, my general face and personality.”  

He looked even more bewildered by this, taking a minute to digest every word.   He was flustered, like he didn’t know where to begin.  He finally spoke and looked you in the eye.  

“I am responsible because I should have given you an opportunity to be with other people,” he said.   “I never even thought to ask.   Now our spiritual vows have been sealed and you’re bound to this, to me.”  He turned away again, growing more irate with himself.   You felt a bit better when you realized what bothered him.  It wasn’t the fact you were a virgin on its own; he simply thought he wronged you by stealing you from your oh-so long line of suitors.  

“Cas, it’s okay,” you said, uncrossing your arms.   You stepped closer to him, the distance between you reduced to three feet.   You reached over and gently touched his arm, fleetingly.   “Trust me, I wasn’t going to be sleeping with anyone else anyway.   Face and personality, remember?”   It was a joke but he looked at you with utmost seriousness.

“Why do you keep saying that?” he asked.  “You are a beautiful human, Y/N, both in terms of physical appearance and spiritual characteristics.”  

He said it so fervently, so sincerely.  Your eyes must have watered, though you didn’t really notice, because Castiel’s ire crumbled.   He looked crestfallen.

“I’ve upset you,” he said.  You blinked, the strain from your eyes gone as quickly as it came.

“What?” you asked.  “No, you haven’t.   That was a nice thing to say.   I just…”  You stared at one another for a minute, neither daring to move or speak.   He seemed to study your face for a sign of distress or upset or anything.   You, on the other hand, actually felt better now.   The compliments were nice, as was Castiel’s care for your wellbeing, but this moment was good for its honesty.   Until now, you and Castiel tread on eggshells around one another, everything a bit strained, tense, awkward.   That border slowly faded, the space between you smaller.  

You wet your lips, tongue swiping your bottom lip.  His eyes fell to the motion before resettling.   Your stomach was still coiled in warm, nervous knots, but you breathed easier and even managed a genuine smile as you stepped that little bit closer.  

“Maybe,” you said, grinding lace between your thumb and forefinger, “we should just… stop talking… until it’s… until we… you know…”

“If you would prefer that,” he said gruffly, nodding in acquiescence.  “But… we’ll go slowly,” he verified.   You nodded, smiling.  

“Slowly,” you agreed.  “Sounds good.”

There was an awkward moment where no one moved.  You just stared at each other, weighing the moment.   Your hands lifted and lowered in unison before silently agreeing upon a verdict.   You undressed yourselves, Castiel loosening his tie and pulling it over his head.   You wore a slip beneath your dress and, despite the fact you would eventually be naked, you pulled your arms into your clothes and removed the slip without taking off the dress.   It fell to the ground at your feet and you kicked it aside, pushing your arms back out.  

Castiel watched, seemingly charmed with the odd moment.   You barely noticed, blushing too hard and distracted with what came next.   Castiel pulled off his trenchcoat and suit jacket, stepping away to place them on your desk.   While his back was turned, you figured you would quickly remove your dress.  It would give you a second to compose yourself before he looked at you.  

Easier said than done.   The zipper was on your back and you twisted and turned, attempting to grab it.  Sam had zipped you up earlier, a casual affair especially with the slip for modesty.   This problem should have occurred to you then.   Thankfully, Castiel kept his back turned while kicking off his shoes and socks, so you had another minute to figure something out.   You attempted to grab the bottom of the skirt, hoisting it up around your waist.   No good.   You weren’t pulling this thing off without ripping it apart, if you even had that strength.

With an aggravated huff, the skirt fell back into place.  

“Cas,” you said, embarrassed and forlorn.  He turned around, fingers halfway through unbuttoning his shirt.   Trying not to look at the bit of exposed skin, eyes resolutely fixed on his curious face, you smiled weakly.   “Um, I need some help.”

“With what?” he said, approaching.  He stopped right in front of you.

“Can’t reach the back,” you said, turning around quickly.   You curved your hand over your shoulder and pointed down.   “If, uh, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” he said, speaking cordially.   You swallowed, wringing your hands as he stepped closer.  You weren’t sure that angels usually breathed but you supposed his vessel would overcome much of his wont right now—his warm breath ghosting across the back of your neck with his proximity.   You fought to stay still, offer no distinct reaction.   His hand landed on the curve of your shoulder, palm against your bicep, his other hand between your shoulder blades.   He dragged the zipper down, a  faint chill goosing your exposed skin.   You supposed it would be okay to shiver now.

You were about to turn around and thank him when both his hands went to the middle of your back.   Before you could think twice, he had unhooked your bra.   You supposed that was your fault.   You told him you couldn’t reach the back so he probably assumed you meant everything, not just the dress.  

“Thank you,” you said, slowly turning around.  A flood of heat rushed below, his stare headier than you anticipated.

“You’re welcome,” he said, and his already rough voice sounded huskier.   He took a step back, looking down at his shirt to undo the buttons.   You were distracted for a moment, watching as he drew the garment off his shoulders and pulled it down his arms.   You always knew Castiel was a sight for a sore eyes but you weren’t braced for all that.   Everything was tingling below your waist, your eyes roaming the strong, beautiful planes of his chest.   He gathered his dress shirt in his hands and crumpled it into a ball, tossing it onto the desk from where he stood.   He looked at you briefly, seemed to notice you hadn’t moved, but he did not comment.  His hands looked a bit shakier, reaching for his belt.

If your silly self was so easily swayed by a bare chest, you probably shouldn’t have lowered your gaze.   He was half-hard already, a very slight tent against the front of his dark trousers.   A short breath escaped your nose, eyes watching calloused fingers against the belt.   You somehow managed to break your own trance, realizing he struggled.   You weren’t sure if he was out of touch with manually undressing or if he was nervous too.  It seemed odd, Castiel, Smouldering Angel of the Lord, being nervous to be with you.    He fumbled with the belt either way, the prong of the buckle jabbing his fingers.

“Here,” you said, not lifting your eyes, stepping closer.   “Let me.”  

It was almost a compulsion.   You slipped your hands past his, his fingers skimming your knuckles as he pulled back.   You unbuckled the belt and parted it, gently pushing the leather through the foremost loops on his pants.   You looked up at him then, his eyes already set on you.   Your hands lingered by his hips, moving only when his own returned.   He pulled the belt off, flattening the leather against his palm.  

“Thank you,” he said, then promptly walked away.   You blinked yourself back into reality.  Castiel returned to the desk to deposit his belt and you turned your back, pulling the dress down until it pooled at your feet.   Blushing already, you picked it up and draped it over a chair, removing your bra and laying it nearby.    You looked at Castiel over your shoulder, saw him watching you from the corner of his eye.   He was folding his pants, standing there in a pair of white boxers.  You both looked away from each other when your gazes met.   You heard his pants hit the desk and then the ruffle of more material.

Oh god, you thought, hands frozen on your hips.   There was a naked Castiel standing somewhere behind you.   You weren’t sure you could breathe right.

“Y/N?” Castiel said.  By the sound of his voice, he was near the foot of the bed.  “Are you all right?  Are you having second thoughts?”

“Um, no, fine,” you said, shaking your head.  That reminded you about your hair.   You wasted a moment, your back still turned, taking apart your updo.   Lock after lock tumbled free, the final elastic snapping in your nervous haste.   Only one thing left to do.  You took the plunge, breathed in deeply, breathed out again.   Then you pushed your underwear down your thighs, past your knees, and kicked them off.    You turned around and faced him before you could second guess yourself.

You didn’t actually see his initial reaction, your own reaction at the forefront.   You looked him over, managing to feel both aroused and annoyed because ugh he was built like a freaking Adonis.   You almost felt like covering your body but decided against it, mostly because you didn’t think you could move at the moment.   It was Castiel’s voice that summoned you, and you realized you had been staring right at his half-hard cock.   If you thought you were blushing before, you definitely were now.

“We should perhaps…” he said, looking at the bed.   Breathing unevenly, you nodded.

“Yeah,” you squeaked.   “Right.  Of course.”

You shuffled over to the bed, debating how to position yourself.   Castiel stood waiting, looking between you and the bed like he wasn’t sure which was more appropriate.   You eventually sat down, shoulders curving inward, your arms awkwardly crossing your chest now that you could think straight.   You laid back,  eyes directed to the ceiling, head slowly placed on your pillow.   You kept your knees bent, your hands on your chest, your breath laboured.  Your heart was positively hammering.

“Human sexuality can be awkward,” Castiel said, your gaze moving to him.  He looked at you kindly.  “But I‘ve come to understand it is not necessary.   Do you trust me?”

Your heart melted, easing the thunderous rhythm.   Of course you trusted Castiel—Castiel who saved you from death the very first time you met him, who delivered you safely to a new life, who might have been distant but never unkind, and who sought to be a gentleman when he could have bypassed your nerves and simply settled the affair.   You smiled, nodding.

“Yeah, Cas,” you said.  “I do.”

“Then turn over.”

All right – so you hadn’t been expecting that.    You watched him for a moment, confused.   He waited with perfect patience.   You eventually complied, supposing there was no reason to refuse, and you rolled onto your stomach, stretching your legs out.   His weight sunk onto the mattress beside you, his bare hip against yours.   You folded your hands beneath your chin and stared at the headboard, your muscles tensing all over again.

“I’m going to touch you,” he said.  That voice really was too much.   You nodded your consent, expecting his hands to land anywhere but where they did.   Fingers curled over your shoulders, palms pressing your stiff muscles, gently kneading the stress from your body.   You bit your lower lip, eyes fluttering closed.   His hands were warm, palms a bit rough, grip strong.   His thumbs swept down your shoulder blades, pressing in, then he followed the curve of your spine.  You fell soft and pliant beneath his ministrations, remaining so even when he moved.  The warmth beside you vacated and then hands were on your thighs, parting them.   “Tell me if you’re uncomfortable.”  

You were only capable of a content “nghhh” noise, your head nodding once.  Then he was settled between your legs and his hands were on your waist, continuing to massage the restless nerves.  You squirmed when his hands moved too low at your sides, tickling you.   He paused at your sudden reaction.  

“Sorry,” you giggled.  “Bit ticklish.”  

Cheeky bastard purposefully swiped his fingers there, earning more giggles.  

“Cas!” you exclaimed, looking at him over your shoulder.   He was smiling.

“Apologies,” he said.  “I like your laughter.”  

This guy was gonna be the death of you.

“I guess I forgive you,” you teased, facing forward again.   You wiggled your hips, settling in again, amazed with how comfortable you felt considering your vulnerable position.  

His hands left your sides and went to your lower back, massaging deftly until his thumbs swiped just above your rear.   You knew what view you afforded him this entire time, but you suddenly felt a little more naked knowing where his gaze had fallen.   But your nerves gave way to anticipation as you waited to see—or feel—what he would do.   He did not disappoint, drawing his hands a little lower to hold your hips, thumbs tracing small circles over your skin.   He waited for a protestation but met nothing, one hand sliding over the curve of your rear.  You shoved your mouth against a pillow, not wanting to make a noise for such a simple action.

“You are very beautiful,” Castiel suddenly said, and all hope of composure went out the window.   You swallowed, lifting your head to glance back again.   He was on his knees, knelt between your legs, his hands on you and his gaze very low on your body.   His hand moved back up, thumb skimming the soft skin before tentatively settling at the crease of your ass.  He pressed down gently, drawing his thumb down the cleft.   Your hips lifted instinctively, your bare chest rubbing against the bedclothes, heat pooling below at the gradual build of sensation.   You swore you saw the moment his pupils dilated, watching your hips roll for him, hearing your breather stutter.   “I’m a fortunate husband,” he said, causing your stomach knot deliciously.  “Even if only for a night.”

Castiel, the great seducer.  Who would have thought.  

“Cas,” you murmured, pressing your forehead to your shoulder.   You breathed unevenly.   “I—I—”   You knew all the graphic mechanics of sex, had sought your own pleasure from time to time.  You were a virgin, not a saint.   All the same, you found it hard to ask for what you wanted, not sure of the words.    But he understood your wanting phrases, hand sliding beneath you.   Then he was right where you needed.  Careful fingers parted your damp folds, middle finger finding your clit fast.  You allowed yourself a verbal reaction, a small mewl into the skin of your shoulder.   You turned your face down, forehead against a pillow while he rubbed two fingers back and forth.  

“This should make it easier,” Castiel said, words barely registering.   You rested your cheek against the pillow and closed your eyes, biting your lower lip when he eased a finger inside you.   “Is this… all right?”   He sounded legitimately unsure, drawing back his finger then inching it forward.   Your back had curved, ass lifted a bit obscenely to grant him space.   You just nodded, gripping the pillow beneath your head.

“Yeah,” you breathed, “good.”

He added a second finger,  the most you had ever pressed into yourself.  But his fingers were thicker than yours, textured differently, and there was a faint stretch as he carefully worked them in and out.  It felt incredible, eased by how wet you already were.   He curled his fingers slightly, causing you to moan and shudder faintly.  You ground yourself onto his hand, moaning again as his fingers stretched deeper.   He made a sound behind you, his fingers moving a bit faster, then scissoring slightly.  His movements were hesitant but growing surer.   He obviously understood what he had to do even if the effectiveness was an uncertainty.   You most definitely proved he was correct.

“I am privileged to be the one to see you like this,” he said, voice lower, breath running ragged.  You moaned again, canting your hips back.   He pulled his fingers down and carefully added a third, easing them back in.   Your grip on the pillow tightened, your head minutely turned, a breathy sound leaving your mouth before you bit your bottom lip.   His free hand reached for your face, suddenly and gently touching your lip.   You stopped biting it, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.  Your gaze could not hold, eyes closing the further his fingers went inside you.   He dragged his free hand down your shoulder, over your back, down your spine, settling on your ass and gently rubbing the flesh.    “Your body…” he said, sounding a little amazed, hand on your hip while the other worked a bit faster, harder, “feels…  right.  Good for this.”   He paused his action, leaving you panting, keen.  “It should be loved.  Often.”   You groaned, writhing until he pinned your hip down and slowly removed his fingers.   “On your back,” he said, wet fingers against your thigh, his other hand drawing your hair out of your face, smoothing it down.   “When you’re ready.”  

Oh god – oh god – this was it –

Arms shaky, you managed to push yourself up and turn over.  Your nipples had hardened, every nerve sensitive but no longer anxious.  Castiel stepped off the bed so you could manoeuvre yourself.  You flopped onto your back, hands at your sides, chest heaving and your sex aching for attention.   Castiel placed himself at your feet, fisting his cock and running lazy strokes back and forth.   He was as hard as you were wet, a bead of precum at the tip of his cock which he swiped, expression flittering with pleasure, drawing his hand back down his length.   Your legs were already slightly parted but you spread them further, urging him to move closer.    He did, hands falling on the outside of your thighs.  One gripped tight, lifting your hips, while the other reached up and snagged an unused pillow.   You weren’t sure what to do with your hands, placing them on your stomach, then at your sides, then tucking one beside your head.

“Are you comfortable?” Castiel asked, securing the pillow beneath your hips.   You could hardly mind such matters with his cock brushing the inside of your thigh, your need for him launching you past lingering shyness.

“Yeah,” you said, nodding vehemently, “definitely.”

“Tell me if I…”  He frowned, clearly imaging the prospect of hurting you.   “My grace should make it easier.”   He placed a hand on either thigh, holding you open.  You shivered, fisting a hand in your own hair, the other in the bedsheets, while looking at him.   He looked down at where he held you, his chest visibly rising and falling with breath now.   His body had almost completely overcome him but you could see him fighting to restrain himself.   Then his fingers were at your sex again, a hand on his cock, and then the head was nudging at your entrance and your breath caught.   He pressed forward, gentle as he could without prolonging the moment to pain.   Your held breath collapsed and you started breathing hard, knuckles whitening where they clutched the bedsheet.   Castiel looked at you, cupped your jaw and caressed the side of your face.   Your eyes closed, leaning into his touch as he moved inside you, inch by solid inch.   Your knees bent at his hips, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip, breath escaping through your nose.   You could feel the faint stretch and burn, but it was not as painful as you thought it might have been.   Whether that was your body alone or Castiel’s grace, somehow healing whatever damage caused, you were not sure.   All you knew was that by the time your bodies touched, Castiel buried completely inside you, it felt right.  

“Ah, Cas—” you wheezed, hands grabbing his shoulders.   He curled one hand into your hair, holding tight, his expression heated and blissful at once.

“You feel—” he began, his other hand below your thigh, drawing it against his hip.  You moaned, head tipping back, his grip on your hair tightening.   He seemed to think better of whatever he meant to say, face falling to the juncture between your shoulder and neck, warm breath swiping your skin.   “This constitutes as consummation,” he rasped, clearly fighting very hard to hold still.   His lips moved against your skin as he spoke, your nails lightly scratching his shoulders.   He might have been able to hold still but you were aching for something, feeling whole and full and needy for more.   “We can… stop here.  If you prefer,” he finished.  

In a bold move you would never regret, you hooked your other leg around him.

“I didn’t take off all my clothes for that,” you teased, feeling him laugh lightly against your skin.   He lifted his head, looked down at you, shifting his hips slightly.   The marginal movement caused you to hold him tighter, lips parting in a soundless reaction.  

“Then it’s my responsibility to make your sacrifices meaningful,” he said, and then his hips drew back slightly before pushing forward again.   You groaned, grappling at him like he was an anchor to your boat in a storm.   His fingers wrapped in your hair, pressing into your scalp, his face staring down into yours as he moved inside you, a gradual, slow rhythm.   Your breathing fell into measure with him, your fingers pressing hard enough into his shoulders to bruise.

“The marriage is a good thing,” you found some words to say, and if Castiel wasn’t currently rocking you into a tempest of heat, you might have been embarrassed at your own confession.    “After tonight, I don’t think I could have anyone else inside me.”   His moan turned into something of a growl, hips beginning to thrust with a little more verve, mouth dropping to your shoulder.    You tightened your legs around him, your next sound louder than necessary, falling into more delirious phrases.   “You feel so good there,” you gasped, throwing your head back.  “Better than anything or anyone.  All… all a wife could ask for…”

He sucked a kiss on your shoulder, teeth scraping your skin and tongue dabbing the spot.  It was probably the weirdest and most mild kink to have, but he was clearly enraptured with the marital titles.

“A husband should care for his wife,” he rumbled, shifting so you balanced better on the pillow and he could drive further into you.   You gasped, raking your nails down his back.  “Especially when she takes him so well.”  

“Oh, Cas—”

“I need to see you now,” he said, kissing below your ear and then lifting his face over yours.   “Y/N, give me your hand.”   One of his hands was wrapped around your hip but he held the other up, near your head.    Your hands were still gripping his shoulders, not wanting to let go as he rode you with such unrelenting passion.   But you did as he asked, crashing your hand into his.   He clutched it, kissing your palm before drawing it close.   He slowed inside you, breathing hard, eyes on your wrist.   “I must expose the brink of your prophetic elements,” he said, like that meant anything to you.   You rolled your hips beneath him, causing his eyes to flutter closed for a moment.   He pressed down on top of you, fingers clamping around your wrist.   “Please,” he said.  “Once this is consummated according to heaven’s second will, I promise,” he kissed your wrist, teeth gentle against the soft skin, “I promise,” he repeated, eyes dark, “I will fuck you into the bed you lay on.”

“Cas,” you breathed, “since when do you say things like that?”  It was meant to be a thought more than legitimate question but he just smiled, the sort of smile you only saw in moments of grave consequence and confrontation, intense and steadfast.

“I’ve been on earth some time,” he said.  “And inside you long enough to know what you want.”

“Well, fuck,” you smiled gently, “get on with it then.”  

He held your wrist in his hand, fingernails gentle against the skin.   He drew them a few inches down to the middle of your arm, then held steady.   He looked at you with more seriousness.

“This is likely to hurt,” he said.  “Are you prepared?”  

You nodded, braced.   You weren’t sure what to expect when his nails suddenly punctured your lower arm.   Bewildered, you watched as the broken skin did not emit blood but light.   Golden and warm and simmering hot like burn marks where he scratched.   You stared down, mouth agape.   Then Castiel was lifting your arm to his face and you swore your heart leapt into your throat, pain momentarily forgotten as he opened his mouth and gently lowered his lips to the bleeding light.  It was a soothing sensation, mouth soft and damp against the searing heat of bright gold, lips deftly pressing around the skin.  You shuddered, a full tremor shaking your spine when his tongue stroked the skin.   Every sweet spot seemed to sing at once, his mouth against some intimate, noncorporeal aspect of your humanity.    Then he returned your arm, lacing your fingers with his.

“You must do the same,�� he said.  You had no idea how, not too sure what he had done.   You went to voice this concern but he shook his head, gently rocking his hips into yours.  Your worries tumbled from mind.   “It will work,” he said.  “I trust you as well, Y/N.”  

Breathless, you unlaced your fingers and lowered them to his arm, resting against the skin before dragging your nails as he had done.   The ritual did something because you thought nothing substantial to enact it.   All the same,  his light bled in a bluish colour, blaring through the cracked skin of the vessel.  

“It must be inside you,” he said, eyes glowing a brighter blue than normal.  “It binds your soul to me.”

“Forever,” you whispered, bringing his arm to your mouth.

“Yes,” he said, watching with those inhumanly blue eyes.   “Eternity.”  As he had done, you closed your mouth over the light.  You felt nothing at first, just his skin beneath your lips, so you followed his example and swiped your tongue.   A warm sensation immediately flooded you, seeming to run along every vein, muscle, bone, and sinew.  Castiel made a low noise, a barely stifled grunt.  Then he pulled his arm back and grabbed your hand, pressing your arms together so gold and blue blistered into a hot white together.   You cried out, immense amounts of pleasure flooding every last pore and nerve, almost too much to bear.  It faded and when you looked into his face, for a moment you thought you saw many faces—beautiful and bright and warm and gazing at you from a hundred vantages.   Blinking and breathing, you fell back into the human moment, your arms healed and Castiel panting.

Then he was moving inside you again, making good on his promise to fuck you into the bed.   Castiel moved onto his knees and grabbed your hips, lifting you right up against him as he thrust down.   The pillow helped somewhat though your back still curved.  Honestly, that celestial action had felt similar to an orgasm and it slightly wore at you, even while your body begged for more.   You couldn’t believe you had ever worried about this moment.   Now you were only worried it would never happen again.  

But that thought fell from mind as Castiel’s expression slowly changed, features tight, his hips snapping erratically.  You clenched around him, watched that beautiful expression fall apart as he slumped forward, thrusting a few more times as he came inside you.    

After it ended, both of you lay there for a moment, Castiel softening inside you, your gaze blurry, breath hard.   The celestial interlude had clearly affected you both.   You never thought you could feel so fucked out without even technically coming (at least the human way).   But you were exhausted, more tired by the second.   Castiel regained his strength first, though perhaps only marginally, lifting himself off of you and moving aside.    You hummed contently, pressing yourself into your bed as he rearranged the pillows and tossed aside the one beneath you.   He sat behind you, leaning against the headboard, and you rolled over and peered up.  

“Are you leaving?” you asked.   He lay down, his arm circling your shoulders and drawing you against him.   You rested your head on his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Not if you wish for me to stay,” he said.

“I do,” you replied, yawning thereafter.   Sleepily, you nodded again.   “I do.”

He smiled against the top of your head, kissing your crown.   His hand smoothed down your hair and settled on your shoulder, holding you close.  

“I do too,” he said.  

part 2

castiel x reader masterpost

#castiel x reader #casreader #castiel imagine #castiel x y/n

[kinkymagnus]

I love you (no Romo though) also do you have omega Magnus ideas

flkgjdgkdjfg mood anon

hm... ok this will probably be messy but let’s get on some highlights

OK THIS GOT SUPER LONG HAHAHA

set up and worldbuilding my guys

ok so first of all i feel like i gotta talk about how this interacts with trans magnus. i promise i’ll get to the fun stuff afterwards!!

i know some people like to go more into like, the realistic dynamics of a/b/o (trans a/b/o people, as in, a trans alpha who was born an omega, or like, sexism that has to do with a/b/o and those different new stereotypes, as well as like “non traditional a/b/o dynamics” like alpha/alpha or omega/omega relationships, how this interacts with new different sexualities (being attracted to only alpha females? alphas and betas and all primary genders? etc.) and how it intersects with REAL transphobia and sexism and sexuality) and like.... i have two takes on this i guess:

one: while this is not inherently wrong i guess, it’s just. not what i get from a/b/o. for me a/b/o isn’t a complex worldbuilding set to play with necessarily, although i def am one to ask questions and overthink worldbuilding even in the stupidest of shit. but like, i come to a/b/o for fluff (nesting, fluffy heat sex, maybe scenting and/or “mates” if i’m feeling it), smut (knotting, heats/ruts, etc.), and MAYBE angst but that gets into dodgy territory sometimes. (i’m a slut for arranged marriage aus tho ngl dfgkldjfdg.) like. that specific set of tropes is combined perfectly in a/b/o, and it’d be hard to do that in a coherent au as this is already established and saying “au where alec has knots and magnus has heats” is weird. the only other au that gets close is very specifically like a werewolf au which has its own trappings, you know? it’s a specific coherent and established au and it’s hard to separate the tropes i like from the other stuff.

two: again, i don’t think it’s inherently bad. but i do think that a lot of people who do this are basically just reinventing real issues like transphobia, homophobia/queerphobia, and sexism... without actually dealing with those things or the characters they would involve. and i think that it often strays into yikes territory. so like. i don’t love it. (also it does have some yikes stuff people do like going really, really hard on the oppressed omega angle, or worse, reinforcing the gender roles of omega = submissive soft weak baby, alpha = strong dominant and scary man. or sometimes they establish other roles but either way like, all their characters fall into that. and i think sometimes it kind of works for this feeling like a guilty pleasure trash romance novel where it’s just uncomplicated fantasy of being taken care of, but like.... even then it just gets dodgy, you know? also it does tend to get INCREDIBLY rapey.)

i often used a/b/o for the things i mentioned, and before i started writing trans magnus smut, also ironically as a way to sort of write trans magnus in smut without actually doing it out of fear of backlash/lack of popularity. and while backlash hasn’t been much of a problem, my popularity has definitely gone down fics-wise. (i get much less in the stats area on ao3 now)

and cis omega magnus is in a way basically trans magnus but he has a penis and there’s knotting. like i said, in many ways, a/b/o is sort of a way to write porn with trans characters while keeping to cisnormativity. i, as a trans person, took advantage of that to get more comfortable with writing it, but a lot of cis people use it basically to just. do that. you know.

so how do i reconcile this with trans magnus?

basically i say “fuck you, he’s trans AND an omega, i want heats/ruts and knotting and nesting and shit” and then ignore it lmao

like ok he isn’t cis. he’s afab and gnc and all the shit i normally write, it’s just like. he also gets heats and his ass doesn’t get wet dlfkjgdfg (god it sounds So Unappealing when you say it like that. now that i allow myself to write smut with real trans characters i could never go back to a/b/o--although, like. some a/b/o aus actually do have male omegas have a pussy but that feels even more slimy in the sense of just. make them trans.) and like alec’s an alpha and so on you know.

i basically just ignore all the complex worldbuilding shit and trying to figure out how sexuality and gender and the various -phobias and -isms would be effected by the addition of secondary genders and their trappings, and just go “fuck you” under the guise of an a/b/o au

tl;dr, so i have a lot of complicated feelings on a/b/o and how it generally is something i do not trust people to write properly. but i also am a total slut of a lot of tropes that are sort of entrenched in a/b/o specifically. namely, heats/ruts, knotting, nesting/scenting, etc.

let’s get into the fun stuff.

magnus and heats :)

ok so heats are super like. vulnerable, you know? i’d think magnus would take heat suppressants (ah another plot convenience in this au) because he doesn’t want to spend his heat with someone he doesn’t trust. that’s not to say he’s never had a heat with someone, or even that it’s been all bad experiences, but it never clicked super well i think and like, it’s something that’s very hard for him. because there’s a lot of vulnerability and trust involved, and he loses control and could so easily get hurt

also possibility: while he can take suppressants to lessen how many times he gets a heat, taking them consistently for literally centuries sounds like it could fuck someone up. so. perhaps. magnus occasionally spends his heat with a trusted friend like meliorn (not someone who feels like Family and therefore would it feel incesty, but def someone who is a close friend) and while he still doesn’t love the feeling of being that vulnerable, and it can be uncomfortable--it’s not like he’s looking forward to it--but like... he definitely does trust meliorn (and possibly other non canon characters?) and it’s not like it’s disgusting and miserable. it’s not like, The Same, but it satisfies the biological side of it and sometimes it’s even like. fun, you know? it’s nice.

ngl i actually kind of like the idea of meliorn helping him with these heats and being like a trusted alpha he knows would never hurt him like that. that does mess with any angst you want to go with him not trusting alphas or not like, having good experiences with heats/ruts (like in “stuck in a rut”), but like, different aus different stories, and anyway you could probably work something in there about meliorn specifically being different and someone he trusts

this is on and off, he sometimes does have heats with whatever romantic partner he’s with, although it... doesn’t always end well. so he has a lot of bad experiences, but at least with meliorn he has a good experience to look to, as well.

also camille was a TERRIBLE alpha. i can 100 percent see her using his heat against him to hurt him (and being like oh baby dont you trust me? you cant go to this seelie for your heats, you cant cheat on me, and why are you taking suppressants, dont you trust me--?) as well as potentially her ruts (actually a) im not sure i want to go into the logistics of a female alpha--would she... have a penis? because i’m not making camille a trans woman nor am i touching those transmisgyonistic vibes with a ten foot pole. b) actually, maybe she’s a beta. she could use that against him, as well--being like she doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal, you know? also i refuse to believe only an alpha can satiate a heat even tho it would work the best because like--fuck i’m overthinking the worldbuilding again this is EXACTLY what i wanted to avoid. fuck, never mind.)

but like...........when he gets it (namely with alec, because yes, i am a slut) with like someone he honestly is a viable “mate” or someone he trusts and like, has actual romantic feelings for, too...............it’s literally mindblowing. magnus had no fucking idea heats could feel this good. obviously he had fun with meliorn and felt safe even if he felt kind of awkward/uncomfortable (not bc of anything meliorn did but his own issues with being vulnerable) but like............... alec just fucking makes him melt???

like he felt safe before, he did know meliorn would never ever hurt him or take advantage of his heat, but now he feels so like... free and safe and open? it’s not just the normal vulnerability that comes with but the complete lack of discomfort, just feeling absolutely safe and like. not worried at all? again i want to emphasize it’s not that he felt unsafe before or that meliorn necessarily did something wrong, but bc of his own like. readiness to be vulnerable + while he does trust meliorn, it’s like. it hits different with a romantic partner (in this specific context!! this is not a romantic > platonic thing), if that makes sense.

an y wa  y THE POINT IS. magnus is like. Mind Blown. having sex with alec during his heat is like. amazing. alec is so intent on taking care of him and just worshiping his body (alec!! ravishing him!! pressing warm kisses all over his tits!!! big hands all over his body!! caressing him everywhere and giving him physical affection all over and just making him squirm and moan!!!!!!) and like. not only is he absolutely intent on taking care of magnus and making him feel good and making sure he’s comfortable, but like also it’s just??? really fun?? and alec gives him so much affection and so many kisses???

magnus is not the best conversation partner during heat because he is a little. busy. but it doesn’t stop alec from talking to him and helping him stay grounded and just like... treating him like a person? he hadn’t realized one of the reasons he was so comfortable with meliorn and now alec wasn’t just bc he knew them well and trusted them with this kind of thing, but because like. they treated him like he was present despite him being mostly non-verbal and incoherent beyond vague pleading. like, they always made sure he was comfortable and talked to him and didn’t just do what they wanted with him. it didn’t feel like he was a doll--getting satisfied and fucked hard, yes, but like. also sort of just being used. and not in the fun sexy pre-planned way, but like, in a way that just made him feel more distant and disconnected.

but alec very much doesn’t do that. he keeps talking (and there is a lot of praise! so much praise and gentle affection and teliing him how beautiful he is and how good he’s doing--and of course dirty talk wink wink) and even narrating what he’s doing/his intentions, you know, and not only his voice generally soothing but it’s just nice you know

and like again i would just like to go back to alec ravishing magnus’s tiddies with kisses and holding them in his Big Hands and massaging them and like kissing his nipples and just making him feel so good??? iconic. we stan.

and alec like. is the perfect mix of gentle and rough, you know? he knows when to pin magnus down and fuck him nice and hard and rough and get him squealing and begging, but he also knows when to be gentle--particularly at the beginning and when he’s coming down. not to mention even when he is fucking magnus hard there’s a lot of gentle touch accompanying it

also not to just be a slut but

Also It Feels Good Because Alec Has a Huge Cock

that’s not to say meliorn doesn’t or even that you need a big dick to pleasure someone well but like.

alec has a big cock.

and it feels. hhhhh. good

magnus when alec first slides into him in heat: [straight up just immediately goes incoherent and whining with pleasure and kinda just mewling and clawing weakly at his back or the sheets on either side of him]

and alec fucks him so well :) like they’re honestly both feeling so fucking good like just AAAAAAAAA im such a slut for alec taking care of magnus in heat

also. uhh. K N O T T I N G

alec sliding into him nice and slow to make sure hes ok and like hes loving it, alec fucks him, and when he’s about to knot him magnus is somewhere in the back of his mind expecting that usual queasy sort of anticipation like he does Want It but usually he does kind of feel a little discomfort and again just... apprehension. this is The Moment, and he’s really giving up control you know

but it. doesnt come (but magnus is about to AHAHA)

and he just wants.

like he honestly just really really wants this and it’s kind of a revelation how much he genuinely wants this

alec knots him and magnus is Losing His Mind it feels so fucking good he comes almost right away and he’s just right there again

hes so Full and everything about it feels amazing

and like after alec has like. made him come a dozen times squirting and came inside magnus’s cunt and kept him knotted full there’s just this moment where magnus is exhausted in the best way, lying on his back, legs spread, alec still knotted inside him, his cunt is full of cum and he’s panting and moaning a little and alec is just on top of him and it’s warm and amazing and he’s coming down from the high and he just feels.... incredibly relaxed actually

like he’s like wow have i ever been this melty and relaxed and floaty, like, ever?

the answer is no, not really.

alec is just gently stroking his hair, pressing soft close-mouthed kisses to his skin, and they just sort of cuddle for a bit while waiting for magnus to come down completely from his heat and for alec’s knot to go down and honestly just lying there entwined is really, really nice.

magnus is full and relaxed and he genuinely loves this feeling in a way he’s never experienced before

even when alec pulls out and magnus is pretty much back to himself completely again magnus is so exhausted he just sort of lies back and lets himself breathe and alec is like Pamper Mode Activate(TM) and magnus tries to be like its ok to relax i do like cuddling with you and i can clean up myself its ok and alecs like But I Want To Take Care Of You and like helps clean him up (just... magnus lets himself relax as alec gently uses a damp cloth to wipe away cum and slick you know? idk there’s just something intimate and sweet about the dom helping clean their sub up in the aftercare) and gets him water and a snack and then once they’re both tidied up pulls him into his arms and he strokes his hair and they just cuddle and it’s great :)

i wonder if magnus talks to meliorn about this either. hm

and from then on, alec is the one he goes to for heats. and alec, of course, becomes immortal, which means he can take care of magnus for the rest of their lives :’))

whether magnus would stay on suppressants is another matter because on one hand heats can be inconvenient and like he might still want to minimize them, but on the other hand Hnnnnnnggg Alec Feel Good. so i could see them going either way here.

also i mean................that’s not to say that meliorn would Never help magnus either..... two possibilities here: 1. for whatever reason magnus’s heat is coming and alec can’t be there. meliorn is happy to help. it’s good to have back up i guess lkjfgh fuck idk. but the real fun one....

2. as magnus has more heats, they may or may not have a little Fun with it. perhaps roleplay (whether this be like “oh..... oh no..... im a poor little maid and i’ve gone into heat.....Looks Like My Boss Will Have To Fuck Me” or like even pretending the heat isn’t part of it and he’s Just That Slutty and we love to see it, etc. obviously they alec is sure not to push it too far, he teases magnus but probably a lot less than he normally would bc he’s so sensitive and needy and eager-to-please, but like.... they sure do have some fucking fun with this.

and also. i mean.

threesomes. y’all knew i was going here.

look idk how i got so far on the magnus/meliorn (as close friends and fuckbuddies not romantically) train but HERE WE ARE.

magnus getting absolutely wrecked by two alphas and LOVING it is not something he ever thought would happen, particularly while he was in heat, but it’s happening and he absolutely loves it.

also there are other fun possible scenarios like in “goldenrod” where alec doesn’t know that magnus is an omega and Shenanigans Ensue or whatever like just....both fluffy and angsty possibilities.

i’m a total slut for friends to lovers “oh no magnus is in heat :( but alec can help him through it, gently and lovingly, just completely as a friend :)” which can get into dubcon territory but if you fuck with it it’s doable. and i’m just a slut for pining pre-relationship heat sex.

even like in an au, alec playing the role meliorn did in the previous bullet points but blended with how i discussed their first heat together so like... helping his best friend through his heats, showing him a really good time, making sure he’s comfortable and magnus is just like wow i’ve never felt this good and safe during a heat before :) guess it’s because we’re friends and definitely no other reasons :)

i’m not sure how to word this right but i feel like there’s a potential angst here of like a mundane au of some sort wherein magnus has only had a few relationships with alphas and none of them great so when alec is helping him through his heat he assumes it’s different (as in, alec is so gentle and caring and treating him like this, and he feels safe) because they’re friends and it’s a different dynamic, and that being treated Badly is just like, the normal way alphas treat their mates. or something. look. let me have my whump ok

but the point is alec sets him straight obviously

but like anyway i just like.........i adore friends to lovers malec and heat sex it’s got so much fluffy potential with magnus just feeling Utterly Safe (and pining angst) and alec is both a) incredibly turned on/helplessly in love with him so he’s loving every second (even tho Pining Angst) and b) just in awe that magnus trusts him that much??? (also sad he’s SURPRISED at being treated gently flgkhfjghgh)

malec and ruts

ok as i explored in “stuck in a rut” i think it makes sense that magnus would not feel incredibly secure during ruts. it’s not something he would have sought out with say, meliorn, although he would have been willing to do that meliorn has other partners more than willing to help him with that and actually love it while magnus is. very wary of it.

like a heat, it leaves him feeling very out of control and it seems kind of scary--but it’s almost worst, because rather than feeling needy and helpless (which is a good thing when with a trusted partner but not so much when he’s less sure, or when they take advantage of that) it’s like. he’s cornered totally sober with a similarly out of control alpha, except with more Dominance(TM) and potential aggression you know?

so maybe he’s had some very bad experiences before. and i doubt it’s been literally all terrible, but i think he would likely avoid relationships with alphas, so he wouldn’t have a lot of experiences to draw from overall anyway

but like okay let’s get to the fun stuff

i’ve been over the angst of magnus not being sure how this is gonna go but wanting to Tough It Out with “stuck in a rut” although it’s probably a bit exaggerated for fun angst purposes but idk aaaaa

but anyway the point is here. alec gets his first rut with magnus and like, he probably hasn’t been with anyone during a rut (suppressants?) so this is wild for both of them

but even Feral(TM) alec’s entire goal is just taking care of magnus

i mean obviously there’s an element of like wanting to get his own satisfaction and all but it’s just like..... mutual pleasure you know??? like he wants to fuck magnus nice and hard and make him feel good and magnus is just a mewling mess in his arms letting alec take control and ravish him and they are both having a great time actually

but like ok let’s just. move away for a moment from angst

just................... alec fucking magnus nice and hard and rough, pinning him down and “”making“” him take it, and there isn’t really much teasing because he’s too busy wanting to fuck magnus and fill him up :) 

but like it’s also fluffy bc even all needy and desperate alec still takes the time to make sure he’s ready and prepared and wet and into this before fucking him, makes sure he’s comfortable and checks in on him and if magnus safeworded or told him to stop you know he absolutely would, without hesitation, even if it literally hurt to do. which is basic decency obviously but the like.... the just trust and care there? the fact that even in a literal fucking rut when he’s supposed to be out of control he’d force himself to stop if magnus needed or wanted him to is just.... comforting and good and i love it 

and magnus is like hm i have never felt this safe when with an alpha in rut before! time to examine this trauma later.

nesting (ft. scenting)

AAAAAAAAAAAA

i love the concept of nesting so much it’s so fluffy and sweet and dkgjfklgjg 

you build a pillow/blanket/clothing nest that smells like the people u love and u feel safe in 

and then you get ravished in it sometimes

iconic.

like magnus just piling a fuck ton of soft things (ranging from blankets/pillows to just like spare sheets and shit like that) and stealing alec’s clothes to put in there and curling up in the middle of it feeling safe and in heaven tbh 

especially once they key component of the nest arrives: alec

*magnus yoinking alec into the nest and immediately curling up against him like a particularly insistent cat* 

alec is just like This Is Precious and wraps his arms around him and strokes his hair and magnus is purring (purring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we Will discuss this later) 

and it’s just nice and somft??

fluffy cuddles?

i feel like nesting would be a particular urge either during or near heats so im just imagining pre heat magnus being like *suddenly stands up* I Must Gather Soft Things (Meaning Pillows, Blankets, And Alec) 

and he just makes a nest, all aesthetically pleasing and arranged nicely, maybe a candle nearby with a nice scent that kind of helps, and just..... curling up in alecs arms all content

and alec ADORES this like the first several times magnus was scared of coming off as clingy so he suppressed nesting instincts let alone cuddly needy clingy instincts but alec was sort of like hey baby it’s ok if you just don’t want to but do u need to nest? 

and also he just made a point of being more touchy/affectionate when his heat was coming up/dying down and he watched carefully to make sure it didn’t magnus uncomfortable but he melted into it even more than usual

so like just....alec cuddling the fuck out of magnus in his nest and it’s warm and safe and smells like home????

scenting i feel is kind of weird and i feel weird being like “mm he smells good” or whatever but like also it can be so cute when done right you know lkgjdgfg like omg just...... Alec Smells Like Home

their scents kinda mix and both of them have the others’ lingering on them and people can tell they’re super close 

and just.....................again..........alec like scenting him, marking him as his in a sort of gentle soft way? and like, burying his nose in his neck and nuzzling him and he smells so nice and good??? 

especially if you’re going with true mates think their mates’ scent is just the best thing ever flgjlkjlfkgjfgh

but anyway ok

back to nesting

and specifically, because i am a whore, to S E X

magnus feeling absolutely safe there and it smells like home and alec’s holding him and it’s so--

hey so i know i said i was going to do sex,

but hold on a sec

ANGST

magnus has nested before. but generally not with romantic partners. 

not sure if familal nesting is a thing--i feel like it’s possible, but given a general association with heat (i mean one could either feel the urge to or simply enjoy nesting outside of Heat Time(TM) but like) it feels a little weird

so let’s go with it’s more romantic except for maybe like really young kids or something idk 

but anyway moving on from that

magnus has nested before

but almost always alone

and an empty nest is just not the same?? it’s still warm/safe but like... it feels empty and sad too. especially if he DOES have a romantic partner they just don’t want to nest with him--saying he’s clingy, or it’s time consuming/boring to just sit there, or whatever else. 

camille was particularly guilty of this, he had to basically hide his nest and cram it in a closet or something (the enclosed space was actually kind of nice but it was too cramped for his liking and it felt even more empty and sad than usual)

and then he would just be there alone in his small empty nest and it was still reassuring but it was just......not the same 

also he didn’t have anything to ground him so he got all fidgety (adhd magnus? adhd magnus.) and like it was a lot less comforting than normal you know 

but with alec OH BOY

not only does he feel all warm and grounded in alec’s arms like he can relax and doze off and feel good and alec is stroking his hair and it’s just. nice

but like also 

BACK TO SEX

alec making sweet love to magnus in their nest and it’s just like wow this is the most safe place possible

it’s not even heat sex they’re just having fun and magnus is like this is my dream come true

and then obviously there is also heat sex

it is the most mindblowing thing either of them have ever experienced

also i feel like while it’s not an instinct thing to build nests for ruts, they still do it because they’re soft and it helps them relax anyway

PURRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PURRING

ok i absolutely love the a/b/o headcanon i’ve seen before where like, omegas purr only when feeling completely safe? particularly around alphas?

so like. 

magnus doesn’t purr that often.

or he didn’t but then he fell in love with alec “his arms feel like home and safety and love” lightwood

it is not uncommon to see him cuddled in alec’s arms purring contently

or like in his nest leaning into alec’s side or head resting on his chest, PURRING

also i have this fic somewhere but au wherein alec doesn’t know magnus is an omega yet and then finds out because magnus dozed off on his chest and BEGAN. PURRING. BECAUSE HE FEELS SO FUCKING SAFE AND TRUSTS ALEC SO MUCH. 

even if he hadn’t told alec about being an omega yet for whatever reason

anyway just alec stroking magnus’s hair while he purrs away and its adorable and also soothing for both of them so they fall asleep like that 

magnus’s purring is like a soothing thing for alec big time its good sensory time and also just generally nice so its easy for him to conk out with magnus warm in his arms and purring loudly 

it’s very nice 

and also he loves that magnus feels that safe with him

MATES

this one will be short but like 

basically the whole mates for life thing is cute

and it can just kinda be like soulmate aus

which are all vaguely problematic but just really cute/fun to have and not think about too hard 

so them being mates is just cute idk man i like it 

ok that’s it for now (i’m gonna add more in a separate reblog for reasons but that’s only on one topic, you’ll see--i think i’ll do that tomorrow bc im very tired rn) that’s the omega magnus manifesto (some parts not included) 

#trans magnus smut #omega magnus #long post #malec #alec lightwood #magnus bane #shadowhunters

[wiseabsol]

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? 6. Favorite character you’ve written? 14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?) 15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing? 19. How do you cope with writer’s block? 24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author? 33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like? 34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? 

My favorite part is when you make discoveries about your world and your characters as you write the story down, and when you write something and go, “Oh, there we go, there’s the solution to this problem that was going to come up later.” For example, I recently had an evil mentor toying with a magical item while giving a lecture to his pupils. The magical item was mundane--essentially, just putty that you could mold into whatever shape you wanted, then solidify, then switch back to putty to reshape. And as I was writing that down, I went, “Oh, THAT’S what my protagonist is going to knock him out with down the line. That’s way better than her using a lamp. Excellent.” 

My least favorite part about writing is getting started. Once I’ve cleared the hurtle of the blank page, writing becomes much easier and more exciting. But getting myself to start has become much harder since I developed my editor/critic’s brain.  

6. Favorite character you’ve written? 

In one of the text-based rps I’m writing with my best friend, I’m playing a shapeshifter named Sparrow, who is charming, funny, flirty, politically-savvy, and super vain about his appearance (think a courtesan-type character). He also has one of the most gut-wrenching backstories of any character I’ve ever written, and is struggling with triggers from that backstory. His romance with my best friend’s character is also my favorite romance that I’ve written with her, and it came as a surprise to both of us, since we were just testing out the characters at the time.   

14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?) 

I do a lot of brainstorming and outlining, though my outlines aren’t plot-related ones so much as very detailed character summaries. I’ve honestly been struggling with plot lately, but I’ve been doing better character work, so I’m winging it more now. While I usually have a general idea of how the story goes, the actual writing of it clarifies the details and makes changes to my plans. On the bright side, the results are less stilted than my old work, since they’re not chained to plot outlines, but stem from the characters more organically.  

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?

I’ve started telling myself, “Fuck it, let it be messy, I’ll fix it later.” Letting go of perfectionism is hard for me, but doing so has been helping.   

19. How do you cope with writer’s block? 

Honestly, the best way to cope with writer’s block is to just try something and see if it sticks, or leave yourself a note and skip ahead in the story to something you want to write. However, as I mentioned in an earlier ask, I haven’t been able to do much writing lately. And that’s hard, because I feel guilty for not writing, and I know if I just do it, I’ll feel better. Which is a bad mindframe to be in, especially because this year has been awful. I’ve been telling other writers to be gentle on themselves, because it’s hard to be creative when you’re stressed, but I struggle to take my own advice. So right now, I’m trying to give myself permission not to write, and to instead focus on other things. Editing. Reading. Playing videogames. Baking. Doing house/yardwork. Something to still ticks things off of my to do list, but also things that I can look at and see, “Yes, you did get something done.” It’s not a perfect system, and it does fall into the productivity trap, but it’s what I’m trying. When the stress passes, maybe then I can dive back into writing.  

24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author? 

I think it was when I was applying for undergraduate college. I wrote in my application essay that I wanted to write stories that would show my readers that things can get better for them. I was writing as a hobby before then, but I think that’s when I decided that yeah, I wanted making stories to be a part of my future, and I wanted to write stories that I could publish someday. 

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like? 

Mostly I end up rewriting the chapter or story in question. Draft one is for realizing and getting down the idea of the thing. Draft two is refining it to that thing and losing all of the flab that the story doesn’t need. Often I have another file on the side where I paste in what I’ve cut out, in case I change my mind and want to add it back in later, or in case I can use it in another project. I also save the original messy draft and do the cutting in a copied file. That way, I can reassure myself that the original still exists for me, and I can reread it when I’m feeling self-indulgent, but I’m also only giving the best version to my readers.  

34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?

-- Writing every day is a good idea, and does work well for the writing process, but it’s an unrealistic standard to hold yourself to, especially if you have a day job, kids, and other adult responsibilities. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t write every day. The guilt is just going to make you freeze up instead of returning to the work. Be gentle with your expectations for yourself.  

-- If you’re including triggering or sensitive subjects in your work, and are planning to share that work with others (and ESPECIALLY if you’re planning to profit from that work), you should be doing your research about those subjects, portraying them as accurately as possible, and asking yourself if your story really needs that content to work. It is also a good idea to employ sensitivity screeners for that content, especially if you’re writing from a place of privilege and/or don’t have personal experience with the issues that you’re depicting.

-- Once the work is out there, no one has the right to ban it. They can be critical of it, yes. But not ban it.  

-- Writers of privilege must include diversity within their work, even if they’re scared of getting their depictions of people from other genders, races, classes, religions, and so on wrong. And they will get it wrong. When that happens, just apologize and try to do better in the future. But staying in your lane is a bad idea, for three reasons: 1.) You should be striving to have empathy for others, and you can’t do that if you’re only writing about people who are similar to you. 2.) Writers of privilege have an easier time getting their work published, and so should be trying to push the market/publishing industry into a more diverse direction. And 3.) You should be showing readers of privilege that the world is a diverse one, rather than catering to their narrow worldview.

-- Getting defensive when someone is critical of your work is perfectly natural, but it’s also dumb. It’s so, so dumb. You have made a product, and no product made by human hands is perfect, and every writer has blind spots. So when someone is critical of your work, try to keep this in mind: this is not an attack on you. Let yourself feel the hurt in private, and eat lots of ice cream, and when you’re feeling better, look at the criticism and ask yourself: What led the reader to this conclusion? How can I fix it? What can I learn from this? This is assuming that the critic is working with you in good faith, by the way; sometimes they’re completely off of the mark, or are upset because you didn’t give them the story that they wanted. But if someone is going, “Hey, this is a little racist/sexist/homophobic/ableist/etc.,” sit up and listen. And for the love of god, don’t fight them over it. You’ll make yourself look like an ass. 

-- Don’t workshop your story too early. Try to get a full draft down before you submit something for consideration. For one thing, you’re still figuring out what your story actually is. For another, writing workshops, while useful, have a tendency to pull your work to the middle / make it more acceptable to a general audience. Sometimes this will soften and even kill your bravest writing. Instead, use writing workshops as an opportunity to find writers who understand the themes you’re aiming for and the subjects that you’re discussing. Their input will be what you need.  

-- With the current laws about copyright infringement, getting paid for your fanfic is a bad idea. If you want that to change, then fight to make the laws more lenient. As if it, you’re risking screwing over other fanfic writers by doing that. Does that suck? Yeah. But that’s also the reality we live in right now, and you’re not going to have a good time if a corporation like Disney slams you with lawsuits.

-- Genres like fantasy, science fiction, horror, romance/erotica, and murder mysteries are real literature. Saying they’re not has its roots in classism. 

-- There is no such thing as apolitical writing. 

-- Poets are underrated. Support them. Most of the time, they’re doing braver and more socially-important work than you are, and they’re doing it concisely, too.     

-- Your first draft is going to suck. This is a good thing. You learn a lot more from bad prose than from good prose, more often than not. 

-- Having your work rejected by publishers really is nothing personal. Sometimes it just wasn’t a good fit for them at that moment in time. If they’re interested in seeing more from you in the future, though, keep them on your list and send them something else during their next screening period. They don’t say that unless they mean it.         

#technopanzer #Writing #I'm not sure all of these are unpopular opinions but some of them definitely are

[asher-west]

◦ ✧ 🌊 — intro !

⌠ CHASE STOKES, 23, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ASHER WEST! according to their records, they’re a FOURTH year, specializing in THREAT ELIMINATION + DRIVER’S ED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( windswept hair, the smell of the ocean, bruised knuckles, a lopsided grin, ripped denim ). when it’s the ( pisces )’s birthday on 03/18/1997, they always request APPLE PIE from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ lily, 19, she/her, gmt ⍀ 

@gallagherintro​

|| CONNECTIONS PAGE || PINTEREST || ABOUT || STATS || BIO ||

hey, it’s lily back again with another mess of a human being -- everyone say hi to my floridian himbo child asher! i love him a lot and i’m super excited for him to start interacting with everyone -- i binged outer banks the other day, saw chase stokes, and was like --   yep, that one please. ( i’m really not sure why i cursed myself with chase stokes bc at the moment he only has two gif packs, but wahey, i love his golden retriever face -- just be prepared for the same few gifs over and over lmao )

[ c h a r a c t e r ; ]

&. basics

full name: Asher Theodore West

nicknames: Ash, Theo

age: 23

orientation: heterosexual

relationship status: single

date of birth: March 18th, 1997

hometown: Edgewater, Florida

gender: cismale

language(s) spoken: English, Spanish

accent: central American

&. personality

five positive traits: loyal, gallant, reliable, self-sufficient, practical

five negative traits: overprotective, stubborn, undisciplined, impatient, quick-tempered

goals/desires: make a name for himself, support his family, have fun

fears: his dad, disappointing his friends/family, snakes

hobbies: surfing, driving, making people laugh

[ s t o r y ; ]  ( tw: abuse)

background:

asher was the result of a teen pregnancy (his mother was 17 and his father was 18), and grew up with practically nothing in a tiny house by the beach in edgewater, florida

nearly a month after he turned five, his mother gave birth to his little sister, willow -- she was his birthday present, his mom joked, as asher received nothing else that year

unfortunately, the birth of his little sister was the last straw for his dad, a 22 year old who felt trapped by his laborious job at the docks and growing family he never asked for

his dad became violent towards asher and his mom, lashing out for any small inconvenience or mistake, though rarely physically 

then one morning, asher and his mother woke up to find that his dad had disappeared with all their savings

asher’s mom was devastated and took on a job at the local diner, and his aunt cora came to help take care of him and his sister ( although ‘take care’ meant her coming over and passing out drunk on their tiny couch )

asher stepped up and started to practically raise his little sister, taking the burden of the child away from his already overworked mom

at thirteen, he started to take on odd jobs at the docks to help make money

at sixteen, his father reappeared on their doorstep with a bouquet of lilies (his mother’s favorite) and said he was sorry, and his mom welcomed him back, desperate to return to her fantasy of a perfect family

but his dad had not changed, and remained abusive, only this time it was much worse than when they were kids, and asher tried to direct his dad’s physical violence towards himself to save his mom and little sister

and when asher was 18, yet again, his dad disappeared, this time taking asher’s college savings with him

with his dream of college ruined, asher started skipping school to make more money at the docks, no longer caring about his grades

he even started to work night shifts -- but after one of the workers made a lewd comment about his thirteen year old little sister and he decked them, he lost his job 

he started to become implicated in more unsavory businesses, hearing about odd jobs from the more criminal side of town -- he was a getaway driver, made deliveries of ‘goods’, and was even sent to get money from people

as this resulted in him getting beat up, he worked his ass off to train and become better at fighting and driving -- the better he was, the more money he made for his family

when he was 18, he was approached by someone from blackthorne, enticed with the promise that the assassin life would set his family up for life

his two years at blackthorne were awful, and asher became miserable, throwing himself into his classes to try and become the best he could

when it shut down and he transferred to gallagher, it was easily one of the best days of his life

now:

asher became much more at ease at gallagher, starting to enjoy his classes and the prospect of becoming a spy rather than an assassin

his big brother tendencies bleed into his normal life, so he’s protective as fuck of his friends ( and, to be honest, anyone who seems like they need protecting )

he’s a certified dumbass ( he grew up in florida, for chrissakes ) and will get in a fistfight with someone twice his size if he so much as senses an injustice

he misses home like crazy - the sand, the sea air, the heat

he just really wants to do well, so he honestly tries his best in every single one of his classes

that being said, he’s a dumbass and loves to mess around ( like climbing the statue as a dare or trying to get into the forbidden rooms multiple times )

he’s easily aggravated, possibly a trait inherited from his father 

also his biggest fear in life is turning out like his dad

which is why he absolutely GUZZLES respect women juice

he still flinches sometimes when people he’s close to raise their voice around him, or if someone he’s close to waves their hand too close to his head, but he tries to hide it as best as he can

since he skipped most of his classes in his last two years of highschool, he can feel a little dumb around some of the super smart people at gallagher, making him incredibly embarrassed

he’s also very touchy when it comes to money problems, due to his poor upbringing

others:

when he was a kid, before he had to worry about his dad, he got into surfing, and it became his favorite thing of all time -- he misses it loads while at gallagher 

he LOVES to sleep in

loves to make people smile, and just generally likes being in a happy environment

since his mom works at a diner, he adores pies and diner food because they remind him of home

does the ‘hang loose’ sign with his hand way too often -- it started off as a joke when people learnt that he surfs, but now it’s engrained in him

his hair is a floppy mess -- his dad used to have super short hair, and asher thinks he looks a little too much like his dad with short hair, so the hair remains long.

almost too long, tbh, but he can just make a man bun, so he likes it

his sister makes fun of his long hair all the damn time

he’s terrible with technology -- a genuine Old Man when it comes to computers and phones, but he tries his best

he’s really good at cooking, after making most meals for his sister as a teenager

[ W A N T E D   C O N N E C T I O N S ; ]

best friend — i need him to have a super loyal close friend he can bond with, maybe even a partner in crime?

bros — please please please give me some fellow dumbasses he can do stupid things and make bad decisions with!

romantic interests — could be past flings, or current flirtations, but he’s a charming man, and respects women, so he’s a catch and has probably charmed a few ladies around the school 

exes — he despises the idea of ever hurting someone or breaking anyone’s heart, so maybe he has a few exes that he’s still good friends with? or, alternatively, for the angst, there was a bad breakup and he’s plagued by guilt.

budding romance — i’m a sap and a sucker for tropes so please give him his soulmate! 

little sister — i would absolutely love for someone to play his sister - maybe she followed him to gallagher to be closer to him, or to follow in her big brother’s footsteps? i’m gonna put this up on the main but if anyone wants dibs, please message me!

anything else — like i said in calypso’s intro, give me anything and everything, please! i love having a wealth of established connections. 

tl;dr — asher is a lovable, overprotective surfer dude, who grew up poor with an abusive father and a basically absent mother, and he practically raised his little sister, causing him to develop a paternal complex towards anyone he deems in need of help. he will get in a fight with anyone over any injustices, but he also just likes to hang out with friends and ~chill~! 

i hope you all love him as much as i do!

#gallagher:intro #intro