#rereading what i have already and making notes of things i’m not happy with or that i think needs some tweaking | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seungmoonandstars · 6 months

Text

𝒮𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝑒

Kim Seungmin/Female Reader

wc: 7.1k

rating: Mature, NON-explicit (part 2)

→ PART ONE

Part 2 of 4

The sun is coming through the trees and leaving freckles of light over Seungmin’s face and chest. His eyes are closed, hands propping him up as he leans back and stares up at the sky.

You’ve been meaning to ask the question bouncing around in your head for several minutes, but you can’t stop staring at him like this. You reach out and gently shake his foot until he looks at you.

“Hey, sorry…I didn’t mean to get quiet.”

- Seungmin is tired.

Car rides are his worst enemy if he’s trying to stay awake, especially if he ends up in the backseat. His head keeps swaying side to side. The ride is far too smooth, and he feels like a baby being lulled to sleep.

The car turns left, then right, then right again. He doesn’t need to feel it come to a stop to know he’s home.

As happy as he is to finally be done with traveling—for now, he doesn’t think he has the energy to get himself back on two feet.

He hits his neatly made bed immediately. No unpacking, no snack, no checking text messages. There is zero time between thinking about sleep and passing out; there is only a deep dreamless sleep.

____

It’s dark and warm in his room when he wakes up. His eyes stay closed tight, but he can feel how late it is. He knows he’s been sleeping far too long. Nobody bothered waking him for dinner or checking up on him, because that would have been useless. He doesn’t even mind that he missed the Giants game.

He feels much better now, until he looks down at his phone to check the time. The first problem is it’s already past midnight. The second problem is he has 43 notifications to open.

Seungmin scans over them to see if he missed anything important. Most of them look deletable, but a few he duly notes, and definitely needs to answer in the morning.

He opens the text from Choonhee, though.

Are you here for the long weekend?

He doesn’t mind texting her this late. He sends back a quick response without much thought: “I’m here until Wednesday!

Time to shower and eat.

Seungmin stands in the shower for a good fifteen minutes—clearing his mind, easing the tension he always holds in his shoulders— before finally, somewhere in the back of his memory, the part where he puts things and never ever remembers them…he remembers something.

“Oh…” he cups his face in his hands and scrubs at his cheeks, “shit.”

He takes his time getting out. An extra half an hour accidentally ignoring you isn’t going to make much of a difference now. Hair gets dried; fresh clothes thrown on. He clicks the fan in his bedroom so it pushes the warm air around. The cool night air is at least trying to find it’s way in.

Now he notices how hungry he is. Might as well find something in the kitchen before getting into a conversation. One that goes well, hopefully.

A bowl of oi-muchim, a beer, and his phone in hand, Seungmin makes himself comfortable on the couch. He pulls up Choonhee’s text messages again and hopes she still awake…

“Is it too late to text her? Do you think she’s up?”

He sends it off and tries not to watch his phone for her reply. He clicks the tv on and eats, but before his second bite, his phone goes off.

She won’t mind if it’s you

Seungmin hopes Choonhee’s right. And hopes you’ll still actually want to speak after two months of accidental silence.

Now he puts his food down, drinks some of his beer, and thinks…”what am I supposed to say at one in the morning?” He mumbles it to himself. But he starts typing anyway, letting his thumbs and his heart do the work. If he thinks too much, nothing will ever come out.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m texting you so late. And also sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I hope you can forgive me. I’m in town for a few days if you’re interested in seeing each other.”

He reads it and rereads it. Then sends it away. It’s the best he can do.

The rest of the night is nothing but a long wait. The nap he took served perfectly as a good nights sleep, so the next few hours are spent catching up on baseball highlights, finishing a drama, and then silently obsessing over whether or not he’ll get a text back while a new show plays out in front of him .

At 7:30, Seungmin’s phone buzzes in his hand. He’s sound asleep, but still holding onto it. It wakes him right away, but it takes a moment before he can remember where he is, and what he’s doing there. Too much sleep makes his head fuzzy, and yesterday and this morning must have been a combined eleven hours.

He looks at the notification and remembers. Only the name on the screen registers in his mind before he unlocks his phone and sits up. He shakes the sleep from his head and rubs his eyes before reading…

I would love to see you

A sigh of relief. You’re not mad. Seungmin’s heartbeat picks up in his chest as he types.

“Tonight? Or today. Any time is good.”

This reply takes a little longer. He gets up to change just in case he has to run out the door to meet you. Your reply comes a few minutes later. Seungmin reads it as he’s jumping into his shorts.

I’m free all day. Do you want to come over for breakfast?

“Come over for breakfast? Are you going to make me breakfast?” he thinks out loud. He’s hoping that’s what you mean.

“I’ll be there in an hour”

____

Your internal alarm hates you. At precisely 7:25, you’re awake. Even on the weekends, you can’t sleep in. It takes a couple of minutes before you can even think about moving, but the warmth in the room and the sun peeking in eventually forces you up. You can only take so much.

Your phone, charging on the nightstand, buzzes softly. Probably an email. It buzzes again. You thought you put it on sleep mode last night, but maybe not. It’s a miracle nothing woke you up. You grab it and unplug it…

Email Spam email Work email you never opened or cleared Instagram

Text from Seungmin

“Seungmin,” you say his name out loud in case you’re still a little bit asleep. Seungmin, who you haven’t had a text from in months; who has probably been very busy and very tired when he isn’t busy, sent you a text at one in the morning.

You open it quickly, butterflies in your stomach, and read. You read it a few times. His texts are always a little longer, never one or two words. And you always read him in his voice. You’ve listened to him singing and speaking enough now that you hear it in your sleep. You don’t have to think much about your reply.

“I would love to see you”

____

There’s little time to pick up the apartment and figure out what you’re going to make for him. You do your best with what little time you have. Shower, hair, makeup…outfit. You probably should have given yourself a little more time. Too late now, he’ll be on his way soon.

It’s been nearly seven months since your blind date, but it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. The time between his last text and today somehow felt longer. You feel like it’s going to be a first impression all over again, so you really want to give him your best. Maybe even better than last time, now that you know what you’re getting into.

In the kitchen, you start pulling things out to make, and you’re relieved to find you have something to cook for him.

You hope he likes American breakfast. You do know he likes coffee. Just a few days ago a care package came from your parents; coffee, snacks…things you miss from home. You pull out the bag of beans and start grinding.

Minutes later, or at least it feels like minutes, (the full hour, plus 20 extra minutes, has passed) you hear you phone buzz. Before you can get to it, the intercom buzzes. You grab your phone and run to the door.

“Hi I’m here”

You smile at his message and let him into the lobby before texting back, “543.” You’re surprised and a little flattered that he remembered where your building was and was confident enough to come without even confirming.

He sends a smiling emoji in reply.

Your back is against the door, eyes closed. Your picturing him walking to the elevator, pushing the button, waiting…

The elevator here is pretty slow…

He gets on and hits the 5th floor button. It comes straight up without stopping, considering the early hour. Everyone else in this building is definitely sleeping in. He turns right and walks, maybe a little hesitantly, toward your apartment, looks at the number on the door, then at your text.

He knocks gently. Three soft little knocks. You take in a deep breath; you’re more nervous than you thought you’d be. The deadbolt clicks.

When you crack the door he’s smiling down at you. You pull it open the rest of the way and stand there awkwardly for a moment. You feel like one of your eight-year-olds trying to find the right words in English. You stupidly breath out a wow and desperately hope he didn’t hear it

He stands there with one hand in the pocket of his shorts. The other hand is holding a paper bag. He swings it a little as he takes a careful step over your threshold.

“Morning.” You finally manage to say.

“Good morning,” he closes the door behind him, and his smile grows as he moves closer to you.

His face looks a little different. It’s been long enough that you’re thinking his braces have changed his smile, or maybe he’s just gotten older. The spring sun has turned his skin a few shades darker compared to October. His hair is dark and straight across his forehead; different then the last time you saw him. You’ve also gotten used to seeing him only in videos and photos. None of that does him justice. In front of you, he’s better—and you forgot how much better.

“Are you okay?” Seungmin reaches his hand toward you as if he’s going to touch your cheek, but he stops just short of you, and his hand falls slowly.

“Yeah, yeah…sorry,” you set your hand on your face where his hand should have been. “I uhhm,” you still can’t seem to find the right words. So much for a new first impression. Now what?

You put your other hand around his waist and pull yourself to him. You’re relieved when he reciprocates the embrace. He holds onto you for a while, not letting up on his grip.

“I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch.”

Even though you had plenty of old texts to return to; to re-convince yourself that Seungmin liked you and wanted to see you again, you still needed this physical reassurance. The last two months were a lot more lonely than you care to admit, and part of you was starting to let go.

“It’s okay, I know you’re busy.”

“Still a bad excuse.” He loosens his hold on you, but doesn’t let go completely. The bag he’s holding shakes a little in his hand. “I brought this for you.”

“Another gift? You’re making me look bad.” You slide away from his grip (very reluctantly) and head toward the kitchen.

“Well, you did make me coffee. It smells good.”

Seungmin follows closely behind. The kitchen is a little bit of a mess, but cooking and cleaning at the same time is not one of your strong suits. You grab a few things and toss them in the trash, the sink, the dishwasher. You don’t even realize he’s right behind you until you turn again to grab two clean glasses.

“I can bring you your coffee. It’s a mess in here, you don’t need to see this.”

“Oh I don’t mind. You are definitely a messy cook, though. You should clean as you go!”

“Believe me, I try.” You pour the cooled coffee into a glass over ice. “I hope you like this…have you ever had Kona coffee?”

Seungmin shakes his head and smiles. You briefly wonder if he realizes how cute it is, then you pour some for yourself, “I’m sure you’ll like it.” He takes it from you and follows as you lead him out of the kitchen and into the living room.

You sit. He sits, and sips his coffee, then adjusts so he’s a little closer to you.

“How long have you been in town?” You bring your knees up to your chest and turn your body to him.

“I got in yesterday afternoon, but I fell asleep and woke up very late.”

“Oh, that explains the late text.”

“Yes, hopefully it didn’t wake you. Choonhee told me you wouldn’t mind if I texted you so late.”

“It didn’t wake me up. It was a nice surprise this morning.”

He’s bouncing his legs up and down; knees are moving together, then apart, then together again. A nervous tick, maybe. All you do know is that the movement of his thighs is distracting. You tear your eyes away, and when you do, he’s looking at you.

“How have you been?” He asks, and he’s not just making conversation. The way he speaks is sincere. “Anymore blind dates?” He whispers the last part.

“Oh, no…no,” you stare into your coffee and shake your head. “Nothing special, not since our date.”

He smiles, but says nothing.

“I did keep up with you. I caught a few of your lives, checked YouTube for new videos…”

Seungmin laughs and lays his head back against the couch, “next time we don’t see each other for a while, I will call, and we can have a real live.”

“Is that a promise?”

He thinks for a moment, “yes, promise. I’ll be a better texter…also.” He adjusts and moves himself a little closer to you.

“I’ll take either.”

“I think I just…don’t know what to say sometimes. I don’t want to say something stupid, so I don’t say anything at all. And then I forget.”

“I don’t mind if you say something stupid.” You reach out and move a piece of hair out of Seungmin’s eyes. “I’d prefer it, actually. Then I can say something stupid back.”

He tilts his head and his hair falls back over his eyes. “Good to know.”

“Are you hungry?” You move his hair again.

He looks at you without answering for a very long moment. His eyes are impossibly big and dark; bottom lip a little bit red from biting down on it. Your eyes jump from the beauty mark on his cheek (you’re also thinking about how nice it is to finally see him again without makeup), to his eyes, his nose, his lips. His hair swings back down in front of his eyes.

He brings his hand up and attempts to fix his hair, but he just shakes his head again and smiles, “yes, I am. Very hungry.”

“I guess you can help me finish up,” you reach for his hand, which he happily takes, and lead him back to the kitchen. You prepped everything, but wanted it to be fresh when you sat down to eat.

“What are we having?” He looks at the counter. Four thick slices of bread and a bowl of something milky, eggs. “Oh these I can do,” Seungmin picks up an egg and holds it next to his face. “I can fry a good egg.”

“Okay, that’s your job.” You freshen his coffee while he examines the half dozen eggs in front of him. “Make however many you want.”

“Can I make all of them?”

“Yeah,” you laugh, “I have more if that’s not enough.”

“French toast?” He examines the milky batter next to the slices of bread. “I’ve had it before, but not for a very long time.”

“Is that okay? I can always make something else.” You turn the burner on low and let the pan get warm.

“No, I want to try your french toast.”

You reach for the butter, taking great care to reach around him by placing your hand on the belt of his shorts. He watches you closely as you dip each slice of bread into the batter, and when the butter melts completely, place them neatly in the pan.

“Nice sizzle,” he whispers. And then he laughs when you laugh. “Oh, I’m doing the eggs…” He turns his burner on low, butters his pan, and cracks four of the six eggs.

Seungmin looks at you, “I don’t want to crowd them.” He nods his head at two intact eggs. “They can wait.”

“You’re the expert.”

“They will be good, I promise.”

“Even if they’re bad, I’m sure I’ll love them.”

You hear him laugh as you tend to the French toast, shaking on the cinnamon, flipping them when they’re just crispy and brown. Seungmin ooohs at them as he seasons his eggs.

“Do you prefer maple syrup or…honey?”

“Hm?” He flips the eggs carefully and takes them off the heat before turning to the selection of toppings you’re setting out.

“Can you turn my burner off?”

He clicks it off, and Seungmin finds his way to the cupboard to get a plate. He gently sets his finished eggs onto it and cracks the remaining ones into the warm pan.

“Do you like maple syrup, or do you want honey?”

“Oh…maple syrup! And strawberries.”

“And whipped cream?”

“Dessert for breakfast…” he takes one of the strawberries and bites into it.

____

You have one dining table in your tiny apartment. It has two chairs, and it’s right next to the large picture window that sits just between the kitchen and the living room. Outside is a limited view of the city. It’s nice, though. And you can afford it.

Seungmin is watching the city slowly start to move, chin resting in the palm of his hand. He has a smile on his face–it’s very subtle on his lips, but not in his eyes. You made him sit while you got the rest of the food ready, and eventually, he listened.

“Is this enough strawberries?”

He looks at you first and smiles, then at his plate. “Yes, thank you,” he waits for you to sit before whispering jal meokgetseumnida and when you pick up your fork, he follows. Seungmin opted for maple syrup, strawberries, whipped cream. He goes for the whipped cream first, eating a forkful by itself.

“Did you make this, too?” He takes another bite of it, this time with a big piece of strawberry.

You nod.

“It’s very good, it’s not too sweet.” He cuts into his French toast now, getting a bite of all three at once.

“If everything is too sweet, it ruins it.”

“Sometimes…” he says in a singsong voice, almost a whisper.

You sneak glances at him between your own bites. He’s a quiet eater this morning, but you’re comfortable sitting there with him in the silence.

“How has work been?”

“Kind of crazy.” He takes a drink of his coffee, “we will be in Japan in two weeks, and then to the US after that.” Seungmin nods to himself and divides the four eggs between you.

They do look perfect and exactly how you usually make them. Over-easy. “That’s exciting…but I’m sure it’s very exhausting.”

He picks one up and shoves the entire thing in his mouth. You can tell he wants to speak as soon as he does it, but he chews patiently. “I wouldn’t want to do anything else, but some days it is a lot. And very tiring.”

He rests his face in his hands again. He finished his food. Now he’s looking at you with the same tired eyes he’s given you before.

“Thank you for making time for me.” You say.

He sits back in his seat, smiles, shakes his head a little.

You look at him questioningly. His mannerism are cute, but you’re not quite sure how to interpret them sometimes. “What is it?”

“I’m happy to be here.”

“You are?” When you stand to clean off the table, he stands with you to help. You let him.

“Yes,” he bites into another strawberry when he gets to kitchen sink with his dishes. “I like you. You're...you're relaxing to be around. I don't feel any pressure here."

You look at him and smile, unsure of how to respond at first. "Thank you." It's not enough of a reply, you know that, but you're a little lost for words.

"Is that a weird thing to say?"

"No! Not at all. It might be the sweetest complement a date has ever given me."

Seungmin follows you wordlessly to the living room, and sits when you sit. You move a little closer to him and relax, hoping he continues to mimic you. And he does.

“Can I ask you something…um,” he purses his lips as he thinks, covers his cheeks with his hands. “Something personal I guess. Kind of. Maybe not really personal but-”

“Yes, of course you can.” You take one of his hands away from his face and hold it in yours. It’s starting to feel like the first date, except now he seems a little different than last time. Maybe he’s worn out from performing. Maybe it’s just an off day.

He’s looking down at his hand clasped in yours, “do you ever feel like, um…I guess it’s hard to put into English.”

“That’s okay, we can use whatever words feel best for you.”

Seungmin can’t help but smile at that, and a tiny laugh escapes. “I almost forgot, you teach kids. You do sound like a teacher.”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I mean…whichever language.” You pull his hand closer to you and put your other hand over it. “I’m sure between us we can figure it out.”

“You’re so sweet.”

“What’s bothering you?” You squeeze his hands even harder.

“I don’t know if you will, but if you ever meet my friends…the other members.” He stops for a moment to look at you.

You nod at him, but at the same time you’re completely unprepared for that statement. Meeting his friends? It's a big jump from where you're at right now.

“I guess I’m worried you might like them more than you like me.” His head falls back on the couch and he covers his eyes with his free hand. He sighs loudly.

“Why would you think that?” You pull him closer and shake him a little, “Seungmin…Seungmin, what do they call you when they don’t call you Seungmin?”

You get him to laugh, at least.

“Minnie,” he looks at you through his fingers. He says it again under his breath. “Min…puppy.”

“Puppy?” you scoot even closer to him, until you can almost set your chin on his shoulder. "Puppy."

He closes the gap a little.

Your forehead is almost touching his. You hold his eyes there. Then you kiss the bridge of his nose.

He leans forward and sets his head in the space between your neck and shoulder. His hair is tickling your ear, and his lips are brushing against your skin. You’re certain he can hear your blood pumping through your veins.

He lets out a long sigh. You don’t really want to say anything, you’d prefer it if the two of you could just stay like this for a little bit longer. And suddenly thinking of him leaving again (for another six months, maybe) gives you a horrible sinking feeling in your stomach.

But you need to talk to him.

“Why do you think that?”

He’s quiet for a few seconds as he searches for the right words. “There are eight of us…and sometimes I end up feeling, uhm…”

There's a long pause while you both think. He's searching for the words; you're searching his mind and his face.

”Do you feel like you're stuck behind everyone sometimes?” You think that’s what he’s getting at. You can see it in his eyes.

”Yes, I guess so. I mean, I know I am not as popular.”

It’s a hard comment for you to respond to, but the sad smile on his face makes you a little angry. Not at him, just at every single person outside of your apartment.

“Well, you’re my favorite.”

A hesitant smile appears.

Your hands close around either side of his face, and you graze your fingertips over his ears, “I’m sure the others are great, and I’m sure I could be friends with them someday...but they’re not you, and I already told you we wouldn’t make very good friends.”

You’re not sure why him being vulnerable and honest is suddenly, making you so bold, but you’re not going to question it. He’s quiet and calm as you speak, so you must be doing something right.

“I wouldn’t want anyone else here with me.” You hope he believes you, but you also aren’t a stranger to the hesitant feelings he’s obviously processing. “And I wish you could stay.”

“I can stay today!”

____

Seungmin falls asleep on your couch again. This time, though, he’s lying comfortably with his face shoved into one of your pillows and his curled up legs are almost on your lap. It’s a small couch.

You put a movie on, but he didn’t last more than a half an hour. It’s been two hours now, and you really don’t want to wake him. You’re certain he’ll get up on his own soon.

The kitchen is clean, the movie is over. You’re a little tired yourself, honestly, but you don’t think you could fall asleep while he’s here and almost in your lap. He’s a quiet sleeper, and he’s hardly moved, but you can hear his big sighs every few times he exhales.

He shifts a little when your hand touches his leg, but he settles back down immediately, and is out again. Even when your palm slides over his skin, he doesn’t move.

The soft buzz of his phone doesn’t wake him, either. But it’s going off again, and it’s the third time. You’re wondering if it’s important, but you don’t want to pry.

You run your hand over his leg again. Still nothing. It goes off again—this time it’s ringing. You can see the name on the screen without looking very hard.

“Seungmin…” You whisper. This time you gently drag your fingertips across his skin. “Seungmin?”

A little groan. His leg stretches out across your thigh. You squeeze his calf a bit and he seems to react, but not enough, so you gently move him and get up.

“Seungmin?” You kneel down until you’re face to face with him. He looks so peaceful and content, and while you hate to disturb him, you’re kind of looking forward to him slowly waking up. Saying his name isn’t getting through, though, so you place the tip of your finger at his temple and lightly trace a line down the side of his face.

A raspy mmm is all you get in return.

You bury your fingers in his hair and comb through it, kneading into his scalp a little. “Minnie?” You move down toward his neck, knead a little more, this time into a soft part of his shoulder.

His eyes open slowly, eyelashes fluttering a bit as they readjust to the sunlight in the room. He looks around before his gaze settles on you, and for the briefest moment he seems lost. But then he remembers where he is, and he smiles at you.

“Hi,” his voice is sleepy and raspy, like he hasn’t used it in a long time. He closes his eyes again.

“No no, eyes open.”

“I’m awake,” he mumbles.

“Look at me,” you lean toward his face until your noses are almost touching.

Eyes open again and he blinks a few times. “Are you gonna kiss me?” He asks, and the sleepiness in his voice is unbearable.

Yes, if he wants you to, you will kiss him. You lick your lips. But first, “your mom is calling you.”

“Oh, she’s probably wondering why she hasn’t seen me since I got home.”

“Do you want me to call and tell her you’re busy?”

Seungmin laughs and finally seems to be fully awake. He shakes his head and slowly sits himself up. “Do I have bedhead?” He rubs his eyes and runs his hands through his hair.

“A little bit.” You comb a hand through it and fix his part, “it’s cute, though.”

“Nooo it’s not,” he flattens it more and lays back against the couch. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“You apologize too much.”

“Do I?”

You nod and sit down next to him, “I’m glad you were comfortable enough here to fall asleep.”

“Did I snore?” He looks a little embarrassed.

“No, you were pretty quiet. You kicked a few times, though.”

He almost apologizes, but stops himself and picks up his phone. He reads through his messages and eventually types a reply to one of them. Then he turns to you, “what should we do now that I’m well rested? Are you tired?” He throws his phone down and turns the rest of his body to you, “did you sleep at all?”

“I didn’t sleep, but I’m fine.”

“Maybe you should rest,” he smiles and tilts his head. “I can leave for a while and come back, if you’d like.”

“No, I don’t want you to leave.”

He nods, “We can try another movie,” Seungmin relaxes on the couch, pillow at his side, and extends an arm. “And if you fall asleep, we’ll be even.”

You stare at him for a long moment. It’s not until he beckons you with his hand that you realize it’s an invitation to cuddle up to him. And you take it without another moment of hesitation.

Your cheek settles against his chest, open hand spread out over his stomach. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you in a little tighter.

“Are you comfortable?” He grazes his fingertips over your forearm, very slowly, as if he’s still testing the limit of touch between you.

“I am.” You feel the goosebumps jump up on your skin, and Seungmin runs his fingers over you again, like he notices.

He does notice. You hear a breathy little laugh come from him. “Good.”

Now you think you could definitely fall asleep. He’s warm, but a good warm; not like the summer heat moving around the room. You push your face further into the space under his arm and inhale.

“What should we try to watch? Maybe something funny.”

He browses through Netflix. Meanwhile, you can feel yourself slowly slipping into sleep. But you don’t want to fall asleep. Sleeping now would just be wasted time with Seungmin, so you adjust yourself and sit up a little more.

He sits up, too. His eyes are big and a little worried.

“I don’t want to fall asleep.”

“Okay, how can we keep you awake then?”

You stare at him thoughtlessly for a few seconds. Then you feel like maybe you’re blushing because he probably (probably?) isn’t thinking the same thing your sexually frustrated mind is thinking. Now you can’t get the thought out of your head. You try not to breath out like you’ve just been holding your breath for too long.

He grins a little, so you think the thought may have crossed his mind after he said it. But he stays quiet.

“Maybe we can…go for a walk,” you say it as you exhale and then take a steady breath in. At the same time, your brain is slowly unbuckling his belt and lifting his shirt. “We should go for a walk.”

“Okay, that sounds nice.”

____

It’s warm out, but not enough to be uncomfortable.

You changed into something to show a little more skin, because you might as well try to get his mind where yours is. He may not even be interested in going there.

“So, are you allowed to date yet?” It comes out before you even decide if it’s a good thing to bring up.

Seungmin giggles. You look at him and see him covering his mouth with his hand, but the smile in his eyes is obvious.

“Sorry, that came out of nowhere…”

“It’s alright. You can ask me anything you want,” he shoves his hands in his pockets and slows his walk a bit.

“Okay, I’ll just throw questions at you as I think of them.”

“Good,” he stops and bounces on the balls of his feet, “ we should get some boba.”

You were already concerned about Seungmin being recognized on your walk, and going into a boba place seems like the most obvious way for him to be seen. But you’re not going to tell him no.

“Maybe I should go in and get us both something, it seems a little busy in there.”

“If that makes you feel better, yes.”

“It doesn’t. I just don’t want you to get any unwanted attention.”

“I think I’ll be okay,” He brushes his hand against your arm and leads you across the street. “I’m not as popular or recognizable as you might think.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“If nobody expects to see me, they’ll miss me,” he hops up on the curb like a kid. It feels like he becomes more and more relaxed as the day goes on. “But…” he pulls a black face mask from his back pocket and loops it around his ears. “I’ll be much happier if you’re more comfortable.”

____

The sun is coming through the trees and leaving freckles of light over Seungmin’s face and chest. His eyes are closed, hands propping him up as he leans back and stares up at the sky.

“Hey, sorry…I didn’t mean to get quiet.”

“I have a question.”

He sits up fully and smiles, “oh I never answered you before. No dating. Openly. Technically.” He says it like he’s not sure if he’s using his English words correctly. “Maybe that wasn’t the question.”

“It wasn’t, but I did want to know that, too.” You sip your drink and think about your question again. You had it ready to go, but Seungmin said the word openly and you lost it. “Do you know that I’m older than you?”

“No, I didn’t know. But I don’t mind.” He gets on his hands and knees and crawls closer to you. “If you don’t mind that I’m younger.”

A breeze picks up and his hair is swept across his forehead. He tousles it a little until his bangs fall back in front of his eyes.

You shake your head. “No, I don’t,” the question starts forming in your head again. “Would you ever consider dating, uhm, me? I mean, let’s say you weren’t who you are and we still somehow met. Is that something you’d…consider?

Seungmin looks at you, and his eyes have certainly never been this big before. His ears and cheeks are slowly turning red. And he’s quiet. His mouth opens a bit, but no words come out. You’re afraid you asked the stupidest question you could have possibly thought of.

You made it weird.

“You don’t have to answer. I’m sorry. Please pretend I never said that.” You lift your knees to your chest and bury your face in the space there. You whimper a little to yourself and hope he doesn’t hear it.

“That’s a tough one.”

You can’t see his face, but you can imagine it.

In reality, he’s thinking and playing with his straw. Still blushing, still smiling. If you’d just lift your head and look at him, you’d see that he’s unable to contain his smirk.

“Let’s go back to you looking up at the sky and me not talking.” You relax as much as possible and your back gently hits the grass. You spread yourself out, hoping to sink into the ground.

“No,” he sips his drink and leans back on one hand. “You asked, now it’s out there forever.”

You peek up at him briefly and see his face in the sun again; eyes closed but smirk still tugging at his lips. Quiet and thoughtful.

“Seungmin?”

No answer. You look back at the sky, but you can hear him moving and getting closer. His shadow blocks the sun from your eyes, so you open them.

“Yeah?”

“It’s okay if you wouldn’t.”

Still no answer. Your eyes close again, and then he lays down next to you. It’s a nice moment, or it would be. The birds are singing and there’s the sound of the wind through the trees. The only other people around are far enough away that you can barely hear them.

You feel like you could cry.

Maybe he just isn’t very good at letting people down. He can’t find the right words to tell you it would never work, and that’s understandable, really. He’s sweet and thoughtful and kind. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He just wants to be friends.

You cover you eyes with both hands and sigh as quietly as possible.

“I would, but…I don’t know…” he hmmms and uumms a few times. “Nobody has ever asked me out before.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You don’t believe much.”

"If that's true, it's because you're intimidating."

"Me?" He's trying not to laugh. "I'm not intimidating! Am I? Is it my face? Do I look angry?"

"Okay, wrong word to use. You're too handsome to approach, I mean. I would have never, on my own, started a conversation with you had I seen you at that coffee shop by yourself."

Now you sit up and shade him from the sun. There’s a stray eyelash on his cheek, so you lean forward to gently blow it off.

His eyes flutter open. "I am not too handsome to approach." He whispers and lets himself laugh out loud.

“Okay fine…so I’m your first.”

“So you’re not taking it back?”

“You mentioned meeting your friends earlier. Did I interpret that wrong?”

He shakes his head.

“Then no, I guess I’m not taking it back.”

----

The trip back is not awkward. You expected him to keep his distance, physically and mentally, but he walks almost shoulder to shoulder with you the entire time. He hasn’t given you any type of answer yet, but you’re not worried about it. Part of you still wants to take it back and let things flow at a slower pace. This is, after all, only your second date. The other part of you is already on fire. It’s a tough line to walk.

Inside the apartment it’s gotten much warmer, and you regret not starting the AC before leaving. It’ll take forever to cool down now. You close the windows, lower the shades, and pull the curtains closed. Then you head to the couch and collapse onto it.

Seungmin makes himself at home by heading to the bathroom, then finding himself (and you) something cold to drink. You’re too distracted to even care that he’s digging around in your messy fridge.

“I forgot about this,” he grabs the bag from the side table and dangles it in front of his face. “Your gift.”

You sit up against the arm rest and smile at him, “thank you, Seungmin.” Inside is a small yellow dog plush. “Oh, it’s you!” You squeeze him and adjust the hoodie he’s wearing before bringing him up to your face. “Was he yours?”

“Yeah, he was mine.”

“He smells like you.”

“Is that a good thing?” He sits down by your folded legs and sets a hand just above your knee.

He’s touchy today...almost as much as you. And for never being properly asked out (now you wonder what else he hasn’t experienced), he knows just what to do to make you squirm.

You sit up a little more, bumping his hand off of you by mistake. He pulls it back a little, so you reach out and take it in yours. “Yeah, it is.”

He squeezes your hand and pulls you closer so he can place a kiss on your lips. You kiss back, but your brain takes a second to catch up with your mouth. When it finally does, you kiss hard enough to force him back against the couch.

Seungmin is better in action than he is with words today.

He doesn’t struggle against you or ease up, but pushes on with just as much enthusiasm.

You don’t know what to do with your hands, though. You have a lot of options. Through the hair? No. Neck? Maybe, but you don’t want to be too rough at this angle, and he might not be into that. Face? It’s a good option, and his cheeks are soft and nice to touch. And it's not too much.

Before you can decide, he takes your other hand and pulls until you have no choice but to swing a leg over his lap. And then his hands are on either side of your thighs.

You pull back and look at him.

He stares back, catching his breath. “I’m sorry I’m so bad at answering your questions.”

“You don’t have to.” You let your hands wander over his chest and down his sides. He squirms just a little; probably ticklish. When your hands settle on his belt, you lean in to kiss him again. On his lips, over his cheek. “I shouldn’t have put that on you.”

“I’m glad you did,” he looks down at your hands. “It was nice to be thought of like that. It felt good.”

“If I can see you again, that’s enough for me.”

“Is it?”

It really isn’t, but you decided on the walk back that anything with Seungmin would be okay. “If it’s what you can give me, yeah.”

Your needy, clingy heart feels like it’s crumbling, but you do your best to keep it from showing on your face.

“I can’t promise much, but I can try.”

You kiss him again, and without thinking it through properly; without thinking at all, really, you slide your fingers down and over the zipper of his shorts and feel the significant bulge that you somehow didn’t notice before.

Seungmin’s tiny oh and his hand wrapping around the offending wrist makes your stomach sink. His eyes are wide and fixed on you.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you gently push yourself away from him and sit against the opposite side of the couch, hands covering your red face. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking…”

“It’s okay,” he giggles and adjusts himself, and you watch from behind one hand as he runs a palm between his thighs. “Please don’t be upset, you didn’t do anything wrong.” His voice softens as he speaks, and the last part is a barely audible whisper, “it was my fault.” But the grin on his face only sharpens. He’s looking down at his hands as they nervously fidget with the hem of his shorts.

“Was that uh, a first, too?” You regret asking it as soon as it leaves your mouth.

He doesn’t answer right away. You’re worried he feels embarrassed about it. And you feel weird for bringing it up. The urge to get closer to him is kept under control for now.

“It’s no big deal, Minnie…if it was.”

Using his nickname breaks him from his trance, and he looks at you, blinks, nods. “Yeah, it was.”

“Did you want that? I mean, when you pulled me on top of you.” Now you scoot a little closer. “You can give me boundaries.”

“I got caught up in the moment.” He starts, thinking and picking his words carefully. “But I did want to kiss you like that.”

“Got it,” closer still, until your knee is brushing against his thigh. “You can always stop me if I go overboard. Sometimes I can be too much.”

“Is that bad? Too much is sometimes nice.”

“I guess it depends…”

You lean forward until your forehead can lay on his shoulder. His cheek rests on your head. You stay that way until you feel yourself relaxing and drifting into a half-sleep.

“I think it’s time to rest.” You don’t move, but Seungmin lifts his head.

“That’s a good idea,” He grabs the pillow to his right and puts it on your side of the couch. “Do you want me to stay?”

You lay back on the couch and sigh. “Yeah, I do. If you want to.”

“I do…move over.”

#kim seungmin #skz fluff #skz seungmin #skz x you #kim seungmin x reader #kim seungmin x y/n #seungmin x you #seungmin x reader #seungmin x y/n #stray kids fluff #kim seungmin fluff #kim seungmin x you #skz x reader #skz smut

236 notes · View notes

dduane · 3 months

Note

Hello! I just wanted to write to thank you.

One of my favorite lines I've ever read is “Jim was already familiar with the incessant activity of that cool, curious mind as it tirelessly hunted answers. But now he saw where the activity came from - Spock’s utter certainty that there was no higher purpose for his life than to burn it away in search of truth, and to give that truth away when he found it. More, Jim saw what fueled and underlay that certainty: a profound vulnerability paired with a great, unreasonable joy”. That, combined with the YW series (which I recently reread), is very good for my soul.

You and your work are truly an inspiration to me! That Wounded Sky quote resonated with me for the theme that joy and curiosity really can underpin an entire, happy, successful life. Young Wizards has so much of the same - books and libraries are magic, but so is nature, and space, and manmade machines, and whales and sharks. Your stories strike a balance I can't always put into words - that curiosity and joy can be self-sustaining. They are not dependent on a single field, a single datum, a single discovery. They can be a lens and a philosophy and they can fit in your pocket for everyday. Curiosity as a mindset, and an exercise in loving and engaging with the world; joy as a result of realizing how many exciting things there are to love and be curious about.

On a parallel note, I am fascinated by how you seem to blend fantasy and sci fi - your Star Trek feels loving and magical, and your fantasy feels grounded and tangible. I am in awe of how many things you've been a part of creating, because it gives me hope that I, too, might avoid having to pick a narrow niche. But in the meantime, I am so grateful to be able to escape into your books, because I fall in love with them again every time, and then I come back and fall back in love with life.

I’m glad to hear it! Thanks for letting me know. ☺️

Also: generally, I think niches are best left to statues. Create what works for you and makes you happy. Life’s too short to waste doing otherwise.

146 notes · View notes

k-dokja · 8 months

Text

Pretty.

— Reader is a wee bit strange, Riddle has a teensy attachment issue. Female reader, has been with Riddle since their younger days. Also written like a tangent I haven’t reread the thing don’t make me

Riddle is pretty.

You remember thinking that one morning when you sit next to him in class. You can’t focus because last night you’ve been staying up late to study and now you can’t perceive anything but the formulas and how pretty Riddle is.

His eyes sharpen with focus while he scribes down on his notes. He always has such pretty handwriting, you love to have him writing letters for you because you can preserve them forever. Riddle always grumbles but he always does as you ask.

Pretty Riddle with his stray stands of hair falling down and obscuring his vision. You reach up to push them out before he can. He looks at you in surprise, not expecting you to act this fast. Then his cheeks redden, noticing your undivided attention. He hisses, “Focus on class, I’m not helping you later if you forgot the materials.”

He returns to his work after that, pointedly ignoring you. Silly Riddle, you wouldn’t ask him to break a rule for you. It would break his heart along with every other breakable thing within his distance. You wouldn’t want him to get unnecessary grievance, not when the pressure is on his shoulder as is.

You want your Riddle to stay pretty. He’s always prettier when he’s happy.

Riddle is pretty, even with his nose and eyes red.

Bundled up in autumn clothes, he looks ready for a new school year already. But he isn’t the one leaving, you are. Your parents have been mindful enough to stay back while you say your goodbyes with Riddle. It warms your heart to have such caring people around you, even if all you can see now is Riddle.

“You better call often,” he says, adjusting your scarf for what would be the sixth time, “I’ll try to visit when I can, but if I—“

“I’ll miss you.”

His eyes widen and you think he looks prettiest then. With his cheeks crimson and his eyes glassy again, he looks away from you, trying to hold back his emotions. Before you can say anything else, he hugs you close. The force of his skinny arms are strong, stronger than anyone would expect. Except for you, because you know. You have hugged Riddle many times. Never did he do it with this ferocity, but you know it is only the intensity of his feeling.

You hug him back, relishing in the feeling of him in your arms. Your pretty Riddle with his pretty scent, you won’t have neither for a while.

“I’ll miss you, too,” he chokes out.

“I’ll think of you often,” you rub soothing circles on his back and he hugs you tighter.

“And I you.”

He pulls back after a moment then looks at you. You wonder if he’s trying to commit your face to his memories and if he worries that the pictures in his phone won’t suffice. Riddle kisses your hair, softer now after the previous outburst. Maybe he worries your parents would have judgement, but that thought is thrown out when he kisses you again.

Hard and bruising, but quick enough to not draw the looks of strangers. His lips part in shock when he retreats, not expecting himself to have pulled that stunt. “My apologies, I…”

You kiss him, on the cheek this time, even if your lips crave for his again. “Let’s meet again, soon,” you silence out any of his thoughts about regret then step away from him.

Silly Riddle, he doesn’t know how pretty he is when he looks like that. He shouldn’t let shame overwhelm him. His memories of you should only be happy, you won’t have it otherwise.

Riddle is pretty, beaming at you from across the yard and brightening when he sees you.

He has promised to visit. He always keeps his promises. Your college is not that far from his and if anything, teleportation is always an option. Never mind the specifics, all that matters is that Riddle is here and he’s happy. Happier when you tackles him with a hug, he accepts you like you’re always meant to be there in his arms.

“Riddle!”

“Hi,” he says, nose buried into the crook of your next, “it’s nice to be with you again.”

“It’s nice for me too,” you cling to him and he shows no opposition to your actions.

Pretty Riddle. Hair nice and soft, he smells prettier than he has been before. You’ve missed him, even with the calls and texts. Nothing can ever replace having him with you. “You should quit Night Raven College and be here with me.”

He laughs. He doesn’t know because you smile when you proposed the idea, but you always meant it. Meant every word when you said you want to be with him forever, meant every feeling when you professed to him.

Maybe he does and he doesn’t mind. Why else would he keep you for this long?

Riddle rarely lets go of your hand for the duration of his stay. You like the proximity, but worry that he’s afraid you might vanish if he lets you go for too long. Silly Riddle, there is no one else you’d want to be with other than him. You never want to worry him and you never stay away for long enough to make him frown.

Pretty as he is then, he’s prettier when he’s happy. You always want your Riddle the best he can be.

Riddle is pretty, on his knee and staring up at you.

You can see it in his eyes, everything you wanted from Riddle and more. Riddle would do anything for you, anything and everything. All you have to do is say yes.

The ring shines a pretty ruby red, pretty like his hair but hard where it is soft. You don’t remember what you said in answer, but Riddle has never been prettier before. When he slides the ring on your finger, all you can see is him. His mouth is moving but you can’t hear the words, you feel him holding you but you can’t sense the warmth.

All that echoes in your head is that you’ll be his, fully and completely. When people speak of you, they’ll call you with his name. Where he ends will be where you begin and it is all and everything that you want from him. Even if he doesn’t promise you a wedding, you’d want your pretty Riddle.

As long as he’s yours and happy, you care for little else. But Riddle is a stickler for rules and traditions. He’d want the wedding, the cake, the dance, and the party. Preparations take long days and long hours before anything is set in stone. You’re impatient, you want to be Riddle’s.

But you won’t voice those thoughts because he looks so happy to prepare. When he smiles at you, nought else seems to matter. Long as the outcome is inevitable, you have no reason to complain.

After all, there is only one and final ending.

Riddle is pretty, pretty in white when the bells toll.

Pretty forever and pretty for you.

#riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle rosehearts #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #fics #funnier if you think of this as my usual reader of riddle #because his pov for other fic is very much my sweet darling gf who can do no wrong :)#meanwhile her head is like :) riddle :)#riddle :) pretty riddle :) silly riddle :) silly pretty riddle :)

299 notes · View notes

askamnesiamoonjumper · 5 months

Text

part two of this:

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

everyone say hello at my bushcat :) her name is Maple.

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

Thank you for all the kind replies! ^^ to celebrate I’m letting Maple share some words of wisdom:

6)nvd .,c-%@#0”sxmlkp. d

Truly inspiring.

804 notes

🩻 thesnatcher Follow

you all should send my sister anonymous hate it would be funny

🩻 thesnatcher Follow

NOT ME YOU FOOLS

#MY PLAN IS BACKFIRING

5045 notes

⌛️ahatintimekeeper Follow

I dont think that snatcher realizes that people just pecking hate him

#hatchat

5 notes

🌠corgiquest5fan Follow

YOOOO CHAT I GOT SO MUCH CORGI MERCH FROM THE SHOPS IN NYAKUZA TODAY ILL POST IT L8TER BUT THIS IS SO RAD HOLY SHIT DUDE IM SO EXCITED!!1!

15 notes

anonymous asked: Um you do realize putting “Domesticated the Snatcher” in your bio is hella creepy right? Like it’s weird as fuck to dehumanize an already demonized species like ghosts are people too. You’re already disrespecting the dead with that but it’s especially weird seeing as he’s literally an actual murderer on top of that? Like taking away the ghost thing that’s even creepy to say about a fucking serial killer as well. Like. What the fuck man. Actually what is wrong with you??

🌷identifying-flowers-in-posts Follow

6360 notes

🐇 bunnything-official Follow

“what’s your gender” ermmmm im silly?

6490 notes

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

Godssss if I have to see one more post about the lost prince of subcon I’m going to break the moon again /j

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

like not just posts talking about him but ones that are just blatantly wrong or infactual but I can’t be too mad because no one knows what really happened hardly but STILL. thank stars I killed him by transitioning but STOP PUTTING HISTORY ARTICLES ABOUT HIM ON MY DASH!! PLEASE!!!!

407 notes

Anonymous asked: WAIT WHAT?????? Amy did you???? Know the lost Prince of Subcon?????? Also what’s the context of the transition thing? What????

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

go talk to @ thesnatcher about it because I don’t care about that guy anymore (referring to the prince, not snatcher, love u ^^🩵❤️(i want to trap him in the horizon sometimes))

1094 notes

anonymous asked: YOUR SISTER IS THE FUCKING SUBCON PRINCE WHAT THE FUCK???????????????????????

🩻 thesnatcher Follow

oh gods what happened why are we talking about this GET OUT OF MY ASKS.

5800 notes

anonymous asked: Amy why did you say to talk to your brother and not you?????

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

…because he’s the prince too…? I thought everyone knew this??

🩻 thesnatcher Follow

MOON YOU DID NOT JUST OUT ME TO ALL YOUR FOLLOWERS WHAT THE HELL

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

WHAT HUH I THOUGHT THAT WAS A KNOWN FACT? IS IT NOT? 9045 notes

🏞️ doyoulovethecoloroftheskyline Follow

3006 notes

🐇bunnything-official Follow

STOPPPP MY BOSSES DO NOT WANT ME TO HELP THEM MAKE A HORROR DOCUMENTARY ABOUT SNATCHER OH MY CLOTHHHHHHHH BYEEEEEEE

anyway happy day for subcon history fans i guess :p, so sad no one knows i was the one who cracked moonies egg but wat ever *kicks rock and walks away with head lowered + tail dragging behind meoh stitch i just reread the top half of the post for a microsecond i lived in a world where my bosses didnt pitch that idea to me it was so beautiful

470 notes

💠 Jermeow Follow

856 notes

🎆mjs-hideout Follow

shady-sunburntdeactivated03122017 is both my best friend (wrote pretty accurate books on subcon history and spirits :)) and my worst enemy (wrote books on subcon history ft my deadname being everywhere in it)(I mean I suppose it is also my brothers name but it’s NOT MINE OK he can keep it)

409 notes

🌷identifying-flowers-in-posts Follow

Sorry we made your queer platonic ghost partner match with me. Yeah he took on my flower motifs and I took on his thorn motifs. Yeah we match to show our relationship. He’s chilled out now he’s not evil anymore but he’s still a massive bitch. Yeah. Yeah he’s biace too. Yeah, sorry. #about thorns #subconsnatcher

368 notes

#long post #unreality #fakeblr #aau #ahit

29 notes · View notes

kookieswan · 1 year

Text

Nocturne of Waves - Part VII

SeaCreature!Yoongi x Heiress!Reader (f)

Word Count: 2k

Genre: SeaCreature AU, Mermaid AU, Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, Angst because of Jimin’s dramatic ass.

Warnings: Suggestive content!, though nothing too heavy. We all know Yoongi is a curious and very blunt fish man.

Summary: Cuddles quickly turn into panic and then even more panic when you return to the beach house.

Notes: it’s been 84 long long years. ANOTHER present for my lovely @parkdatjimin because honestly she deserves the world! This takes place directly after the last updates, I recommend rereading it ♥️

This is from the Nocturne of Waves series. Find the Masterlist here! 🌊

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Jimin? Minnie? You’re back already?” Standing in the sliding door, you try your best not to freak out at your best friends very disheveled state. He’s laying on the couch, tears streaming down his face, phone clutched tightly in his hand like it’s a lifeline. It’s not very often he allows himself to be seen with tear streaked cheeks.

“I-I met with Tae at the coffee shop and I thought things were going really well but then he said we probably shouldn’t persue anything because of distance and-“ Yoongi slides around you and into the house, eyes wondered as he looks between the two of you. Shrugging, you try to process what exactly he’s talking about because who…?

“Tae…? OH the guy from your internship? Wait, he’s here? I thought he was going to stay in the city…” Jimin let’s out something that sounds like a sob as you ply with your locket, sitting up and sniffling into his poor poor Chanel jacket. Yoongi remains quiet by your side, tentacles slowly slithering around your legs mindlessly. You don’t miss the fondness in his eyes as he watched you caress the locket.

“He decided not to and we’ve been talking since I got here last week and oh my god he’s coming over right now I’m so sorry.” It makes sense, Jimin seemed to be rather infatuated with the guy… And hey, maybe it would be a good thing because his significant others have always been- wait.

“He’s what?!” The blond haired man looks sheepish then, cringing a little as he tries to smile at you with big puppy eyes. You finally shuffle forward, kicking off your sandals and closing the door behind you. So this is it huh? The way you get outed to the fbi?

“He said he’s only a minute out. I’ve been sharing my location with him in case Yoongi eats me and my corpse needs to be recovered. He said that he thinks we’re soulmates and he said we wouldn’t work because he was nervous and I couldn’t say no!” His words come out quicker and quicker as he tried to explain, hands flailing as he stands from the couch and rushes toward you. Min grabs your hands, and of course, you let him because wow he’s a bit of a mess right now. Poor guy.

Turning to Yoongi as Jimin continues to ramble and squeezing your hands to death, you give him a strained smile. He looks back with slitted eyes, clearly not happy with the idea of someone else intruding. If you remember correctly, he almost ate Jimin whole and that one’s still up for debate.

“… Yoongi. My lovely, beautiful mate. We’re going to have to retire to my room, at least for a little while while Jimin and Tae talk, yeah?” Jimin nods his head, tears falling as he does so. Rolling your eyes at his dramatics, you rip your hands out of his and wipe the tears away, cooing and pinching his cheeks on the process.

Your mate grumbles to himself as Jimin pulls away with a squeak, flying back to the couch to grab his phone. Not thinking much of it, you grab a stray tentacle that’s wrapped around your wrist and pet it a few times like a cat. A calm Yoongi is kind of like a cat and that’s the only Yoongi you need right now. Fish cat mate man.

“I don’t even know what to say!? He seemed sure that he didn’t want to try things out and fuck I’m so stressed-“ Yoongi slides forward a little bit before raising his hand into the air. Jimin stops, eyes wide and teary as he stares back at where Yoongi sits by your side.

“I can eat him for you human. Say the word and it will be done.” You slowly crane your head to look at your boyfriend (teehee), processing what he just said. That… Is actually kind of a kind thing for him to offer. It almost makes you shed a tear.

“… Thank you but I think I’ll try talking first.” Yoongi just nods, probably terribly sad that he won’t be getting any human sushi tonight. You can’t say you mind too much however; scrubbing blood out of your furniture wouldn’t be a fun pastime activity.

“I’ll go sit in my room with Yoongi to give you some privacy but like. Realize it won’t be very private Min so please don’t have sex on my couch thanks.” Minnie looks scandalized (which is hilarious) and ready to fight, cheeks puffing out right as lights flash through the blinds. It seems your needy unwanted guest has arrived.

“He’s here! Go, go!” Tugging on the tentacle, you make your way to your room with Yoongi in tow as he snarls. He follows behind not too happily, hopefully not leaving too much water or sand in his wake. It’s fine, you need to deep clean the house anyway.

Not a moment after you close the door, you hear the front door fling open and hopefully not break. Jimin gasps loudly, a deep voice calling out for him desperately. Interesting, you wonder what he’s got himself into this time.

“Jimin, my sweet cherub, I was so wrong.” It’s a little muted but the man is so loud that it sounds like the door is open. You plop on the bed, trying not to giggle as this Tae guy’s words boom through the house. Yoongi slithers up next to you, nudging you to move forward a bit as he climbs into the bed properly.

“My passion for you could never be muddled, even if I tried to do so with every breath. Please accept my apologies.” The giggles don’t stay at bay then, but you keep them soft and Yoongi situated himself behind you, tentacles on either side of your body as you lean back into him a bit.

“Damn, I think he’s being courted by Hamlet.” Your mate doesn’t say anything, bringing his arms up to wrap around your waist. You allow him to pull you back further until your flush against him, his skin a pleasant form of cold in the humid heat.

“This new human wishes to court your human?” It’s whispered directly into your ear, making you shiver a little in response. The comparison is true enough, so you confirm that that’s likely the case.

“I believe so. I’m pretty sure Jimin’s been glued to his phone all this week because of him. We’ll have to have a nice dinner or something to congratulate him.” Maybe you’ll take him out? You could always bring Yoon back some food. It’s likely that he wouldn’t mind some alone time at this point, the house is always full nowadays.

It’s quiet for a while as you try to listen in, their talking now quiet enough where you can’t hear much. Yoongi trails a hand up and down your arm gently, slowly moving until he reaches your hip. He keeps his hand there, flexing it every so often as you breath steadily and try to stay unaffected by his touches.

“Is human courting very different?” Is it? It had to be, or at least it seems to be. His kind of courting seems relatively straightforward and humans, well… If you’ve learned anything throughout your life, it’s that people all have very different outlooks when it comes to love.

“I think… I think It really depends on the human. Some people genuinely wish to find the love of their life, some only want something casual, and some really only care about sex. I wouldn’t say there’s a single way to define it.” Like on the beach, he nuzzled closer into your neck, content to stay there and breath you in. It’s normal now, Yoongi taking any chance he can get to touch you or explore different parts of your body.

“… And you?” His quiet words make you pause, curious if he’ll be unhappy with your answer. Humming a bit, you sink further into his chest, slowly tracing patterns into the skin of his pale arm, quietly admiring some of the iridescent scales there.

“I’ve seen other people before casually, it was never serious though. I haven’t been romantically involved in a long while.. Well, until now. I guess we’re the equivalent to a boyfriend and girlfriend.” There’s no reason to lie, it would be dumb. Yoongi’s quiet for a minute, but the soft purring still continues, and from that alone you know he isn’t very bothered by the confession.

“… I have not ever had a mate before. I would be called your… Boyfriend? Interesting, I would think it would be called boylover or something of the sort. Humans are so odd.” Laughing breathily, you kind of have to agree. It would make sense but humans in general really don’t make any sense. Yoongi leans forward suddenly, esr turned towards the door, lips against your cheek. They brush against your skin as he speaks, and you have to push down the want to turn your head to meet them.

“You mentioned the two of them having sex earlier, and that it is sometimes the only think humans will seek from others.” Nodding your head, you crane yourself slightly so you can look back at him. He doesn’t look troubled at all really, more so curious as his pale eyes stare back into your own.

“The concept is odd to me. My kind do not intimately mate with anyone other than our true mates..” It’s not an odd concept at all, it’s actually something you can get behind. At this point, you can’t even imagine trying to swing casual hookups regularly. Hell, you can’t imagine perusing anyone other than your fish man.

Grabbing a piece of his pretty long hair, you twist it around your fingers, deep in though as you settle back into your spot. So if he’s never had a mate before, and his kind only get intimate with their mates, then… Ah.

“So you’ve never had sex before?” He shakes his head, his hair pulling on your finger. It makes you smile a little, his willingness to share things about himself with you so freely. He slides his hand from your hip to your stomach, stretching his fingers over the naked skin there, his own skin cold and clammy.

“I have not. When mating season comes around I take care of myself. However, I can say with certainty that I would be happy to mate with you and look forward to the occasion.” Mate…? He wants to mate mate. He wants to have sex. Okay, okay yeah that’s something couples do but that brings up the question of how because as you’ve never seen his co-

“The- the occasion?!” It comes out a little choked up and hasty, and you clear your throat to try to correct. He has the audacity to laugh, something that rumbles out of his chest, the tone warm as he slides his face back into the juncture of your shoulder and neck.

“It is usually one of the final steps of the courting process. Once we present all our gifts and become one through mind, we can also become one through our bodies.” It’s an automatic response for your body to heat up, both from embarrassment and… Other things. Your mind runs wild with different pictures, a hand coming up to clutch the locket that sits prettily on your chest.

“That sounds, um, nice. Yes. Very nice. Ahahaha. Ha. So what’s it like under the sea?” Yoongi doesn’t get a chance to reply, an exclamation of joy coming from the front end of the house. Taking a deep breath, you cuddle closer to your man, images of unholy things running through your head as Jimin’s loud laughs ring out in the background.

“Mmh, no need to be nervous my pretty Treasure. Rest now, we will talk more in the morning.”

#nocturne of waves #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x you #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #bts x you #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts fluff #bts angst #bts mermaid au

130 notes · View notes

tiannasfanfic · 2 years

Text

Secret Admirer: Part 3

Eddie Munson x Reader (Fluff)

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Masterlist] [AO3 Link]

Summary: Telling someone you fell for them is always hard. However, it's even harder when the person you love is also your best friend. When you can't find the courage to tell Eddie Munson how you feel to his face, you decide to let him know in a more...round about sort of way.

Rating: General Auidences

Author Note: Gender neutral reader, they/them pronouns used, if any. Part 3 of 3. I always see Eddie calling people he finds attractive, or feels protective over, "Princess" regardless of gender. He would even call Steve "Princess." Enjoy! 🖤💜

CW: Cussing, smoking, self doubt, a little angst but a happy ending.

Word Count: 3,300

Tag List: @lilstickynote @tayhar811 @marianita195 @ravenclawkimmi @hellfirefiend @mizelophsun11 @thegirlthatsfalling @awkwardambition @lokiofasgard616 @potatos-library

Deciding to tell Eddie you are his secret admirer was the easy part. The part that actually involved telling him was much harder.

In the process of rereading that absolute disaster of a love letter, you realized something important about yourself.

You absolutely hated talking about your feelings.

That was the real reason you had gone with this whole plan instead of just talking to him upfront. You had really hoped he would just figure out that it’s you right away, feel the same way and then ask you out instead so you wouldn’t have to.

Not exactly the best way to go about things. Or the best way to get what you want.

To make matters worse, ever since the night he came over to show you the letter, Eddie had been acting oddly towards you. Not a bad odd, just odd.

You started catching him staring at you during the classes you had together. His hugs seemed to be a little more frequent, a little tighter and a little more lingering. While it was unexpected with everything else going on, you didn’t mind the extra attention from him. However, you did wonder what brought that on, even though you didn’t ask. You were almost afraid to.

Now came the dilemma. Should you write another letter actually explaining how you feel? Or tell him in person to his face? If you do it in person, should you do it at your house? His? At the old picnic table? One of the other places you two shared with each ither? Or someplace else altogether with no memories of the two of you attached?

Actually, having Eddie meet up with you on neutral ground sounded like the best idea out of them all. That way if things went badly, it wouldn’t completely ruin those other spots for either of you. Skull Rock seemed like the most logical choice. You knew Eddie knew where it was since it was a popular spot, but you also didn’t consider it a spot belonging to either of you. It was a place you’d come to be alone a few times to clear your head, which usually just involved smoking and reading. If it was somehow soured by the memory of Eddie confirming what you already knew, it wasn’t a big loss. You could easily find another.

You decided to leave him one more note to set up the meeting. That would give you the chance to be mysterious for a little while longer. This whole thing really had been fun when it came to thinking up ways to surprise Eddie. You had initially planned on doing a few more surprises before either revealing yourself or giving up altogether, but now you just wanted to be done with the whole thing.

Who knows? Maybe it would all work out after you talked, and you could keep on surprising him in other ways?

You doubted it, but it was nice to hope.

This next note was short and to the point, typewritten just like the other one.

Eddie,

I’m sorry my first letter was such a mess. Meet me face to face so I can explain it? 4pm Skull Rock tomorrow (Saturday) night?

xoxo

School had let out for Christmas break by the time you worked up the courage to finally talk to him. So, you had to figure out another way to get the note to him without him seeing you.

On the Friday evening after Christmas, Eddie was over at Dustin’s house since he was running a short campaign for Hellfire to play over break. The parents of the younger Hellfire members called him up begging him to one week into the holidays since they were all going stir crazy. Since Eddie’s uncle was off work on Friday’s, this worked out perfectly for you. You headed over to their trailer once you knew Eddie was at the Henderson’s.

Wayne was a little surprised when you said you were there to see him instead of Eddie. and was even more surprised when you asked him to give Eddie an envelope but not tell him it came from you.

“I’ll explain everything to him tomorrow,” you said. “The letter is just asking him to meet with me so I can.”

By that point, Wayne had put two and two together. You knew then that Eddie had shown him the ring and other letter when a look of realization come over his face, and his expression softened into a gentle smile.

“I’ll see that Eddie opens it tonight,” Wayne said, and you thought you could see excitement in his eyes. “Good luck tomorrow, Y/N. I don’t think you’ll need it, but good luck.”

That statement confused you a little bit, but he wasn’t discouraging the idea any, so that gave you a little more hope than you previously had. You headed home after that to start thinking about what you were going to say to Eddie and what you were going to wear tomorrow. Normally you didn’t put a whole lot of thought into how you looked, but this was different.

Several hours later, your closet was all over your floor, and you were no closer to figuring out either when the phone on your nightstand rang.

“Hel-,” you started to say after picking up the receiver.

“They want to meet tomorrow!” Eddie said, his frantic tone interrupting your greeting. “They want to see me face to face!”

The nervous energy Eddie was projecting over the phone on top of your already nervous energy about tomorrow caused your brain to veer wildly off track for a few moments.

“What?” you asked, genuinely confused now. “Who wants to meet you?”

Which really confused Eddie at first since he wasn’t at the top of his game either.

“Eh? What do you mean, who- oh,” Eddie started to say, and then you heard him realize he needed to fill in some blanks. “I just got home from Henderson’s a bit ago and my uncle handed me an envelope, saying someone dropped it off today.”

“An envelope?” you said, feeling dumb for your brain lapse considering you were behind all this, but doing your best to still sound confused.

There was a brief period of silence as you heard Eddie nodding before he remembered you couldn’t see him.

“Oh, yeah, an envelope,” he confirmed. “It’s the same person who sent the ring and letter. They want to meet up tomorrow.”

“Oh wow!” you said, trying to sound really excited without going over the top. “That’s awesome!”

“Eh,” Eddie said, with a more neutral tone than you expected, and you could hear the shrug in his voice. “I guess. You know me, I don’t like letting people down.”

Those words made your stomach start to sink.

“Oh?” you asked, licking your suddenly dry lips. “Why do you think you’ll let them down?”

“Because I’m not interested,” he said. “And I’m not going to pretend either. Whoever it is deserves better than that.”

With every word Eddie said, you felt your stomach sinking further.

“Now, don’t jump to conclusions,” you said, amazed your voice wasn’t shaking like your hands now were. “You still don’t know who it is, so you could end up intereste-“

“Highly doubtful,” he said, cutting you off. “I already know who it’s not and that’s the only person I’d want to go out with.”

It felt like someone suddenly poured a bucket of ice water on you. This was the first you were hearing that Eddie liked someone. You had no idea prior to this.

“Oh,” you asked, swallowing heavily. You didn’t want to know, but you also had to ask. “Who is it?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Eddie said, and you could hear him shrugging again. “It’ll never happen in a million years, no matter how much I want it to.”

Your heart skipped a beat, your mouth went dry. Since your stomach couldn’t sink any further, now you felt nauseated. Your vision started to swim as tears sprang up in your eyes.

This was information you really wished you would have known before.

Now what?

Do you still show up tomorrow, knowing he’s going to tell you no and make every interaction you have with him going forward be awkward? Or consider this his answer, not go, and let Eddie think whoever it was chickened out?

Most of your motivation to see this through had just died learning Eddie was interested in someone else. There didn’t seem to be much of a point in doing any of this anymore. But, at the same time, just dropping the whole thing right now and not showing up was way more of a chicken shit move than you’d ever done before.

You made your bed. Guess it was time to lie in it.

“Y/N? Did you fuck off on me over there, Princess?”

You realized that you had gotten lost in your thoughts and had gone quiet for a while.

“Hmm? Oh, no, I’m still here.”

Eddie chuckled softly.

“But yeah, that’s where I’m at,” he said, sighing.” “Tomorrow’s going to suck, both for me and the secret admirer.”

You chewed your lip for a moment.

“Just be honest with them,” you finally said with a sigh. “I’m sure they’ll understand. They wouldn’t want you to pretend to have feelings just for their sake. I know I wouldn’t.“

It was Eddie’s turn to be quiet after that.

“Yeah,” he finally said, sighing again. “I wouldn’t want that either.”

Sleep wasn’t your friend that night. You ended up with just a few hours and were up a little after sunrise, which was unusual for you, especially during school breaks. You went ahead and got ready, dressing as if it was just another normal day, then cleaned up the mess you’d left yourself.

After that, you had nothing to do but wait. Even though you had hours to go before you had to leave, the anxiety and nerves had carried over from the night before.

When waiting around at home became too much, you decided to head out for the meeting spot already. It was around 2pm when you got out to Skull Rock, but despite being a really warm afternoon for December, there wasn’t anyone else out there at the moment. People usually didn’t come out until the evening when there was less of a chance to be seen for the activities they had in mind. That suited you just fine.

As soon as you got to the normal place you’d been sitting, you spread a blanket out on the ground and parked yourself right where the rock curved under the massive, skull shaped boulder. Lighting up one of the joints you brought with you, you smoked half of it before putting it out and swapping it for a cigarette. The combo helped calm you some and you settled back against the rock to read while you waited.

The book you brought with you was an old favorite, one you had read so many times the spine was badly crinkled and about to fall apart. You would need to replace it soon since you read it anytime you needed to think and focus that easily distractible part of your brain. So, as your eyes and that part of your brain took in the words on the page, the rest of your brain paid absolutely no attention to the book and tried to work out what you could say to Eddie that would save the friendship.

The next two hours flew by, but it didn’t seem like that much time had passed before you heard footsteps crunching along through the trees as someone was headed towards you. A quick glance at your watch told you it was 3:55.

Your heart sped up; panic started to set in. You had gotten lost in your thoughts, but you were no closer to figuring out what you were going to say than you were two hours ago. That thought flew through your mind just as Eddie was stepping out of the trees into your line of sight, headed in your direction.

You froze in place where you were sitting. He didn’t see you yet, his eyes looking down at the uneven ground, so he didn’t trip on his approach. You briefly debated diving under Skull Rock itself and hiding, but right as you were having that thought, Eddie looked up. He instantly saw you and stopped in surprise.

“Oh, hey Y/N,” Eddie said, with a hesitant wave. “I didn’t know you ever came out here.”

You blinked a few times and collected your bearings quickly.

“Uh, yeah, sometimes,” you said, closing the book in your lap. “It’s quiet out here, a good spot to be alone.” Then you held up your book. “Or read.”

“Guess so,” he chuckled a little, and you could tell he was nervous. He came over to lean against the rock across from you. “I tried to call you before I left, but your mom said you weren’t home.”

“Yeah,” you said, unable to stop yourself from chuckling too. “I’ve been out here a couple hours.”

“Yeah?” Eddie said, then started rubbing his neck in that nervous way of his. “Have you seen anyone else out here, by chance?”

You shook your head and Eddie nodded.

Neither of you spoke after that. You both kept looking at each other, then looking away.

This was awkward as hell.

You sighed and stood up.

“Can we just pretend like this never happened?” you said as you started collecting your things. “Or did I mess everything up too badly? Either way, too late now, I guess.”

“Eh?” you heard Eddie say, confusion in his voice. “What do you mean?”

You folded up your blanket and tucked it under your arm before turning to him.

“I’m sorry,” you said, sighing. “I didn’t know you were interested in anyone when I gave you the ring and letter, or else I would have never put you in this position.”

Eddie’s expression stayed confused for a second before it changed to one of complete shock, his eyes going wide and his mouth dropping open.

“No fucking way,” he whispered.

It was so soft you barely heard him, but you did, and at that moment, it confirmed what you already knew.

“Don’t worry though,” you added hurriedly, looking down. “I know you’re not interested and I’m okay with that. There’s no need to go into it at all. Like I said, I don’t want you to pretend for my sake. I’d just rather forget this ever happened.”

You glanced up at him and saw he was still staring at you with the same expression of shock. It was probably the best reaction you could hope for.

Figuring this was a suitable time to leave, you started to turn away to head back to where you parked, but then paused.

“You said you called,” you said, turning back to Eddie. “What’s up? Might as well ask you while I’m still here.”

Eddie’s mouth closed with a snap, and he shook his head to snap himself out of the shock.

“Oh, uh,” he said, and started rubbing the back of his neck. “Do you want to go to The Hideout with me tonight? Get a drink or two?”

You chuckled tiredly, looking at him finally.

“That might be kind of awkward now, so maybe another night.”

“Why would taking you on a date be awkward? Especially now?”

You blinked and stared at Eddie.

“A…date?”

Eddie nodded.

Now it was your turn to be confused, though your heart was now doing a wild dance in your chest.

“But…I thought you were interested in somebody?”

“Yeah, I am,” Eddie nodded. “You.”

You blinked and stared at him.

“Me?”

Eddie nodded again.

Your brain shut down. All of the thoughts you had in your head suddenly fled. You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. You ended up just standing there, gawping at Eddie.

After staring at each other for a minute, Eddie grinned at you and slowly walked over to you as he started talking, taking a step with every second or third word.

“When I got the ring,” he explained. “At first, I thought it was you. I had forgotten about that ring as soon as we left the store, so you were the only one that knew about it. But you were so convincing that I started doubting that.”

Now Eddie was standing just a step or two away, and he stopped there. You just stood there, looking up at him, still too stunned to speak.

“The letter really caught me off guard,” he continued. “I was sure it wasn’t you by then. And I panicked. I thought, it’s only a matter of time before someone pursues you too. And friendship be damned, I like you too much to not try my luck first.”

You felt your cheeks flush a deep red and you couldn’t help but smile now.

“Must’ve been odd seeing me here then,” you said, finally getting your voice back.

“Not odd, just really surprising,” he said, as he reached out to take ahold of your jacket and then gently started pulling you toward him. “Do you actually come out here or was that all made up?”

“I do sometimes,” you said, nodding as you took the last couple steps to close the distance between you. “Not often though. It’s not a spot of mine yet.”

Eddie snaked one of his arms around your waist, pulling you against him. Your arms came up to drape around his shoulders, the blanket you were holding falling down to the ground.

“Then that settles it,” he said, his other hand coming up to cup you’re the side of face, his thumb tracing along your cheekbone. “It’s officially our spot now.”

You couldn’t help but grin, barely getting out a word of agreement before Eddie was pressing his lips to yours in a deep, intimate kiss. It wasn’t quite to the level of passionate, but the embers could be felt by both of you. It wouldn’t take much to stoke them into a burning flame.

With that in mind, you slowly pulled your lips away from his, opening your eyes to look at him.

Eddie licked his bottom lip and bit down on after yours were gone. His grip tightened on your waist briefly but then relaxed. When he finally opened his eyes, a wicked glint came to his eyes as he grinned at you.

His train of thought was on a similar track.

“So,” he said. “Inner flames burning, eh?”

You groaned, hiding your face against his shoulder as he laughed and wrapped both of his arms around you in a hug.

“Oh stop,” you protested, looking up at him with a glaring pout. “In my defense, I don’t even remember writing that particular part.”

“Yeah?” he laughed even harder at that, then kissed you on the forehead. “Exactly how tired were you, Princess?”

“Very,” you said, and now you were laughing along with Eddie. “I stayed up all night writing it. And I actually thought it sounded like my best work at the time.”

“Now it all makes sense,” he shook his head. “I should’ve recognized it as one of those half asleep, somewhat delirious, stream of whatever rambles of yours.”

Eddie walked you to your car then with his arm around your shoulder, and you with your arm around his waist. Not in any hurry, the pace was leisurely and the two of you kept laughing about the letter.

Regardless of your new status with each other, one thing would never change.

Eddie Munson was still your best friend and would continue to give you shit as such.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson blurb

311 notes · View notes

my-mt-heart · 1 year

Text

I’ve read the leaked script page—the whole page— not just the Carol teaser. I’m not going to share it just in case it gets anyone in trouble, but fwiw I strongly believe it’s a sanctioned leak, meaning AMC wants to gauge our reactions so they can plan their marketing strategies going forward.

I’ve reread this thing a bunch of times from different angles—as a writer and as a fan—and every time I come out of it feeling like the concerns I’ve expressed before have been validated. Again, I don’t have the big picture, just this one page that suggests:

1. AMC and co are struggling to write/market Daryl’s character. I'm so sick of the ambiguity. I'm so sick of the baiting. And, I'm worried I'm going to end up resenting him if it isn't made explicitly clear how he's feeling (particularly about Carol) ASAP. There’s an excessive amount of conventional action heroes on TV. Daryl has never been one of them, AND THAT’S A GOOD THING. Why not lean into it?

2. AMC doesn’t consider the ways they are constantly using women to service the male hero’s story or how it’s impacting the female lead we’re all really invested in. They can flaunt the number of women they have in the writers’ room all they want. It means absolutely nothing if leadership can’t get over their biases and listen 👏 to 👏 their 👏 audience.

3. It makes me happy that Carol is going to be riding Daryl’s bike and that Daryl is going to be her emotional drive. But take a closer look at the action line “as we left her in 106.” If that's the case, then to me that implies they’re relying on gimmicks (Daryl’s bike) to get us hyped rather than giving us any real payoff. It’s low hanging fruit, it’s a huge gamble considering that most of the audience has no faith left in any eventual payoff, and it’s not enough.

I feel like I have as much as I need to conclude S1 isn’t worth any amount of my time or my money, not that I wasn’t sure already. Whether S2 will be worth watching remains to be seen, and is dependent on how faithful the story is to the relationship between Caryl which was twelve years in the making.

I know I’m going to get a lot of asks, which I will answer as soon as I can. Just please be patient with me, and please keep in mind that I’m trying to honor strike rules to the best of my ability while still providing insight.

I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade. I said before that we should focus on Carol/Caryl, so if you love this little leak as much as I do, go nuts about it. The fact remains that Carol is back. Melissa is back. Season 2 will have her in it and that’s worth celebrating. I just feel it's important that we aren’t playing into AMC’s gross strategies in the meantime or responding to even a tiny hint of ship baiting that might come our way. Do not stop reminding AMC what you'll pay for—unambiguous Caryl canon.

Side note: I don’t know if they’re trying to use name recognition to lure back a reluctant audience, but I’m not promoting or watching anything with “DD” as a placeholder. I think it's disrespectful to their female lead and to loyal Carol/Caryl fans, so please make it stop.

Other side note: I would not be surprised if more info on a potential S3 comes out soon to try to get us to "hang in there."

#look at the flowers amc #caryl #caryl spinoff #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol

66 notes · View notes

i-sveikata · 14 days

Note

Hii :)

I discovered your vegaspete fic a while ago when you were still around chapter 13, and I think it's safe to say it has changed my life. I remember putting off everything just to catch up on all the chapters when I was about 2 paragraphs in chapter 1 realising I found gold, and I remember spending every waking moment thinking about that fic and even now I think about it at the very least once a week, it's insanely good. :D Once I caught up on the chapters I had so many question, so I used my notes app to put my questions and thoughts down. With my list of questions in hand I decided to read the whole thing again see if I missed anything. Reading the story the second time was just as good and I found I missed so many little details and nuances-and all of my questions were answered for me. You're brilliant, I could sing your praises all day if I had the words! Their characterisation is the best thing I have ever read honestly, so complex and so human!!!

I was in the middle of preparations for my final exams when chapter 16 came out then not shortly after you released chapter 17 and I swore to myself that reading those chapters would be my treat after getting through my exams. I knew that reading them before my exams would easily take up 90% of my brain capacity for weeks, so I had to make some sacrifices. Well, I'm all caught up on the chapters and I am SO VERY tempted to read the whole thing again. I thought that the story would get boring or predictable after a while but no you've proved me wrong. My jaw is on the floor and I can't even imagine how the story will continue, but I can't wait to find out.

I've been meaning to say hello and let you know I admire your work and I am very grateful that you share this masterpiece with us, but I just never really knew how to say it. :D I'm here to show my support and let you know I wish you nothing but the very best. THANK YOU :)

Oh lucky you!! It’s always great to come in at least a couple chapters in because you’ve got a good starting point already- not like the wonderful readers who’ve been in the trenches from the first chap and waiting patiently for updates ever since 😂

Omg that’s so sweet of you to say I’m so glad it left such an impression on you! Lol I totally resonate with the needing to take notes part because this badboy is LONG hahhaha (I literally have a notes page at the beginning of my word doc to keep track of all the details lol)

Ahhhh we love a reread! So fun to discover all the things that you might not have picked up on or realised they were going to be more significant than a throwaway line. Thank you! You are honestly so nice to say so the characterisation is such a core part of this fic (and tbh the focus of all my brain worms about these two dudes lol) so I’m so happy to hear you’ve enjoyed it!!

Oh of course of course having more fic chaps as a treat is honestly such a fun way to go about it I hope your exams went well and you’re happy to see the back of them!

Lol hahha very easy to stay unpredictable when these two characters are essentially batshit for one another- that’s an endless treasure trove of inspo in my opinion hahaha but thank you for the compliment! Ah thanks I do hope you like the rest it’s been such a wild and unexpected journey!!

Thank you for coming to say hello and share your thoughts (also you’ve said it all perfectly there’s no rules on what to say beyond basic human politeness with these things and I do honestly love to hear what you all think) thank you for your support it’s so meaningful to me how wonderful you all have been and you’re so welcome 💛

#fic asks #ill fill the graveyards until i have you

8 notes · View notes

butterflydm · 1 year

Text

wot reread: the gathering storm (chapter 26-33)

spoilers for the gathering storm

1. Genuinely so ridiculous that I’m meant to believe that Aviendha didn’t go talk to Rand after The Event of the last section. It’s not like the Wise Ones have forbidden it or anything! yep, @markantonys - Aviendha thinks here that she ~dismissed Rand’s pain~ last night as a nightmare and I just... this does not seem believable to me on any level and just sounds like an excuse not to have her in the scene.

2. Anyway, after a month of Min completely ignoring this situation and taking advantage of Aviendha's avoidance of Rand (because she is inherently a selfish and jealous person who should NOT be in any kind of poly-adjacent relationship*), she’s decided to talk to Aviendha. But even now, Min is here because of “me me ME” reasons and not actually any genuine concern about Aviendha -- she wants someone to complain about Rand to, because she feels like he doesn’t trust her anymore. Maybe you should try being trustworthy, Min.

*I will note here that there's nothing wrong with Min being monogamous! That is 100% not the issue. The issue is that she KNEW she was unhappy with the idea of sharing her boyfriend with other people and yet actively chased after and seduced someone that she KNEW already was going to be involved with two other women! She knew! And yet she CAUSED the situation that makes her miserable out of her belief that since her prophecies are inevitable, she might as well actively try to hurt herself using them. And that's just... I'm sorry, that's just a stupid choice for her to make and I feel zero pity over all her ~internal suffering~ over this situation that SHE CREATED for herself (and again, Mat does the exact same thing with Tuon but his situation is even more frustrating because at least Min was set up as this character who believes so deeply in her own infallibility that she traps herself into her own unhappiness -- Mat was NOT set up as that character but inexplicably becomes just like Min when ~the moment~ arrives). Min would, otoh, probably be very happy in a relationship with someone like Perrin, who would be eager to focus on her to the exclusion of everything else in the world.

3. Min says she was ~worried~ when Aviendha didn’t come talk to her when she first arrived here with the rest of the Aiel. lol, liar. You were relieved you didn’t have to share Rand yet. I read your PoVs earlier in the book! Anyway, Min soon reveals that her true worry was that Aviendha might challenge her for Rand (...has everyone forgotten the shared confession & bonding?), and when Aviendha is basically like ‘lol I would only fight someone if they actually have skill at fighting’ (and Elayne asked her to be nice to Min, so she’s doing her best, lol), Min gets offended and tries to show off her ~knife flourishing skills~ which just makes Aviendha even more dubious that she has any real skill at all. “Why was it that wetlanders always showed off such flourishes with their knives? Thom Merrillin had been prone to that as well. Didn’t Min understand that Aviendha could have slit the woman’s throat thrice over during the time it took to flash that knife like a street performer?” Like... it’s not a competition, but it’s clear that if there ever WAS any competition between Min & either of the other two girls, Min would get smoked in a heartbeat.

Maybe that’s why Min remains so insecure and jealous, even when she’s the one in Rand’s bed. She knows that she only ‘wins’ her precious private non-sharing time with Rand because the other two are staying away right now for personal reasons.

4. The conversation with Min does annoy/frustrate Aviendha to the point of stalking away from her latest punishment from the Wise Ones. She sees Rand, who actually raises a hand and clearly wants to speak with her (I guess the events of last night woke him out of his month-long apathy?), and Aviendha lets herself get ANGRY over how unfair the situation is. Min “gets what [she] wish[es]” and Aviendha only gets punishments even while the day when the man she loves dies is coming closer and closer. She confronts the Wise Ones, and is told that her unwillingness to accept the unfair punishments that they are giving her is the sign that she is ready for the final test of becoming a Wise One and going to Rhuidean. ...and of course, Aviendha leaves without saying goodbye to Rand. They exchanged a SINGLE WORD in A WHOLE MONTH. That is so frustrating. Why was Aviendha even in Rand’s plotline if she had zero impact on it?

5. Here’s my opinion on what should have happened with Aviendha (though, obviously, my guesses are entirely my own): there was zero indication before this book that Aviendha needed to be a Wise One to romance Rand? In fact, her romancing Rand as an apprentice was ENCOURAGED by the Wise Ones back in The Fires of Heaven. So, cut out all that nonsense about her not having enough honor to hang out with Rand. Aviendha should have gotten private/personal time with Rand. This also should have been a time when Aviendha and Min actually learned each other as people instead of avoiding each other for a month. And, big change: Aviendha should have been studying Callandor because she literally can touch magic objects (ter’angreal) and detect what sort of magic (weaves) they do! I will die on this hill, lol. Aviendha working past her cultural taboos about swords to touch Callandor to help Rand & save the world sounds like it would have been a more engaging struggle to read about than her enduring endless punishments from the Wise Ones, at least for me. And it would even fit into a similar theme -- Aviendha standing up to the others and saying “To save the world, it is worth me doing this thing that breaks our taboos” could also have been something to serve as a trigger for the Wise Ones to say “yes, you have proven that you will stand up for yourself as a Wise One should”. It's so frustrating that Aviendha has a Talent that was used really only one time in the entire series despite... obviously being very useful.

6. Alternatively: do Aviendha’s plotline in another location. Because having Aviendha in Rand’s plotline and yet not actually intersect it at all is just silly.

7. At least Mat IS still heading north, even if it’s at an annoyingly slow pace. Slaver princess has made it all the way back to Ebou Dar (a distance that took them two books to cover) and he’s still in bloody Altara! Mat whines about the Aes Sedai not letting him go to the village on his own. Yeah, they don’t trust you. For good reason. You can’t DO untrustworthy things and then still expect people to trust you. (my issues with pod!Mat from Crossroads onward really are pretty similar to my issues with Min - the constant whining about the consequences of their own actions). You sheltered, protected, and defended the woman who wants to enslave them. Of course they don’t trust you anymore!

8. One of Mat’s first thoughts when he’s talking to Thom about rescuing Moiraine is how Rand will react to seeing her alive. Aw. That’s sweet! Mat can occasionally still make me feel An Emotion that isn’t related to irritation. That’s nice. It’s nice to see that a tiny hint of pre-CoT Mat still survives in there. We get him thinking about Rand again a couple of pages later, fretting over his missing hand and worrying about him. He tries to convince himself that he’s glad to be well away from Rand, and this moment does capture, I think, that vibe of Mat loudly lying to himself in his own head. This moment is the first time that Mat has really felt like MAT is a long while. He defends Rand instinctively here when Thom tries to insult him, flaring up very protectively.

9. Mat thinks here that he’s not a hero, just a fool. And, at this point in the book series, I agree with him. He IS a fool now, and certainly no hero.

10. Thom’s speech here about the Wheel and people reminds me of what Moiraine said in the show to Logain: “The Wheel is not hope, and the Wheel does not care, the Wheel simply is. But as long as it turns, folk may hope, folk may care.” vs Moiraine’s - “The Wheel doesn’t want things. It’s people that want.”

11. And Thom joins the gang of going “lol Mat is married” and not caring about the kind of the person that he’s married to. I mean, Mat’s wife literally would put a collar around the neck of the woman that Thom is currently trying to rescue, but apparently that doesn’t matter at all to Thom. He doesn’t care that Tuon would strip Moiraine of her name, of her dignity, of her sense of self. Tuon’s quality as a person doesn’t matter at all, just that he gets to laugh at Mat for ~acting married~.

12. We also come back here to something that I find annoying: the implication that marriage just changes you as a person, all on its own, even in the absence of your spouse or any good qualities on their part! Wedding vows are a magic spell! I don’t think that the show will play the marriage that way (if we get there), because the show has already shown an awareness with Mat’s parents’ marriage that marriage doesn’t magically make irresponsible people responsible or cruel people kind. Marriage is a specific legal way of forming a relationship, but it’s the relationship itself that defines the marriage and the people in it. Mat showed plenty of responsibility BEFORE he ever Said The Words to Tuon (in fact, he Said The Words while he was in the middle of committing a crime of deep responsibility and saving people from slavery) and Thom should know that. Thom has witnessed some of Mat’s greatest acts of responsibility. He should know better than anyone (except Rand) that Mat has ALWAYS lied about not being a responsible person. This is not a new thing that has been brought about by the mystical influence of marriage vows.

12. Mat wants to know where Rand is! ...so that he knows where to avoid, of course, lol. Oh, Mat. It feels like it’s been a while since I said “Oh, Mat” in a fond way instead of an irritated way. “I feel like I’ve been traveling through a tunnel for months now, with no sight or sound of the outside world.” Yeah, abusive relationships can thrive when they’re able to take root at times when the person is isolated from their other meaningful relationships, and when they’re deeply vulnerable. And now Tuon’s hooks are deep into Mat, unfortunately. That's such a depressing sentence but it also shows a clear awareness of the type of relationship that Mat is in with Tuon so... idk. That's interesting.

13. Honestly, given that Mat has already let Tuon normalize slavery for Olver, I don’t see how hanging out with the Band can ‘corrupt’ him any worse than that.

14. Hinderstap itself is an interesting enough horror-eske town but it’s just annoying how much it further delays Mat getting back to the main storyline. It’s hard for me to be invested when I want Mat to interact with people that I already know and care about rather than complete randoms. I kinda feel like that’s all I really have to say about this whole section. I feel like I would have a lot more patience for this if it were coming directly after Winter’s Heart, as Mat was originally escaping Ebou Dar, but I’m just so annoyed with the side quest vibes of the ~Mat and Tuon Pointless Circus Journey~ that it bleeds over into just wanting him the FUCK out of Altara already.

I've spent a lot of time during this reread trying to figure out where exactly the hitch was that slowed everything down in the writing and I kinda have it narrowed down to Mat or Perrin. Egwene's timeline is flexible -- Jordan could have said it needed less than a month for her to gather supplies before Traveling directly to Tar Valon (Gawyn's timeline was wholly dependent on Egwene's). So, Egwene isn't the problem. Elayne's also could have been given earlier inciting incidents to wrap up sooner (she spends a lot of time just waiting for the other side to do something too), so she wasn't causing the slowdown. Rand was literally sitting around a mansion waiting for a whole month for the Seanchan to reply to his messages. Nynaeve is just attached to Rand's storyline at this point and not helming her own.

And as much as Perrin's storyline bored/frustrated me at times... his timeline is also flexible, like Egwene's is -- there was no specific need for Faile to spend two months captive. She was captive as long as she was because Perrin's rescue of her involved the Seanchan and his slaver BFF Tylee is the person who proves to Tuon that Trollocs really exist... and Tylee can't do that if Tuon isn't back in Ebou Dar.

We were waiting on the Seanchan domino to fall before anything else could happen. Mat and Tuon's storyline is the one that bogged everyone else down logistically, in CoT & KoD. Both Perrin and Rand, especially, have to wait until Tuon is on the cusp of returning to Ebou Dar before their plotlines can progress. The Mat and Tuon enemies-to-spouses speedrun novella is what made everything else slow down to a crawl during CoT/KoD. Looking at the logistics, that's what makes the most sense to me. Jordan DID realize that he needed to do his best to make Mat and Tuon believable in order for the endgame of the story to work, so he invested a lot of time into it. imo he failed. But he put everyone else on pause while he forced the square peg into the round hole so that at least they LOOKED like they fit together, for now. (it's just that his solution was to carve out pieces of Mat so that Tuon would fit -- snip away his independence here, trim off his objections to slavery there, shave away his feelings about nobles abusing their power, etc -- and that's why the end result felt like a failure to me, because CoT/KoD Mat didn't feel like MAT to me).

15. There is another good moment here when Mat is talking about how running away doesn’t actually help and he bitterly says that he wishes everything would go bother Rand (prompting another vision) and then admits to Thom that he doesn’t mean it and that he doesn’t believe that Rand likes all the horrible things either. (also, for all that the narrative keeps trying to tell us that the “three ta’veren boys” are the ones connected through the visions, Mat and Rand have a MUCH higher ratio of thinking of/having visions of each other than either of them does with Perrin; and Perrin is very good at quickly dismissing any thoughts of them without dwelling for paragraphs).

I’m honestly still puzzled at how Mat knows that the woman in Rand’s bed is Min. He’s been in the same city as her only twice in the entire book series (both very early on and not for a long period of time) and never got a proper introduction - one of those times was Baerlon and the other time was in Falme and they might not have ever seen each other at all that time, since we know Mat & co left before Rand ever woke up and Min was hovering very possessively over Rand during that time. It’s honestly not confirmed that Mat EVER saw her at all before he ‘recognized’ her in his visions of Rand having sex with her.

(this is not a Sanderson thing -- Mat was able to instantly recognize Min in his visions back in CoT/KoD as well).

I think I may have mentioned this before, but I suspect that in some original version of Lord of Chaos, Mat and Min’s paths actually crossed in Caemlyn rather than them missing each other by three days. But Mat being able to recognize Min instantly in his rainbow ta’veren visions feels off because Jordan was normally impressively good at keeping in mind what the characters actually knew about each other. Because even if Mat did see her in Falme, Min has changed her look up a lot! Her previously straight and super-short hair is now in ringlets that she curls daily (...which I have my suspicions is because Elayne has natural curls and Min is VERY competitive), and while she’s still wearing trousers, the TYPE has changed drastically. Back in EOTW, her clothing was simply described as “she wore a man’s shirt and trousers” but now her shirts are cut low to show cleavage and her breeches are so tight that she has trouble pulling them on and she wears boots so tall that it adds a pronounced sway to her walk. That’s drastically different than just “a man’s shirt and trousers”. She used to wear practical clothes and now she’s basically doing her own episode of Project Runway every day.

Here’s the quote from EotW where Rand tells Mat about Min:

After a while he found himself telling Mat about Min.

“A dagger with a ruby, eh?” Mat said. “I like that. I don’t know about the eye, though. Are you sure she wasn’t making it up? It seems to me she would know what it all means if she really is a soothsayer.”

“She didn’t say she’s a soothsayer,” Rand said. “I believe she does see things. Remember, Moiraine was talking to her when we finished our baths. And she knows who Moiraine is.”

And then the conversation moves on to Moiraine. The conversation was focused on Min’s abilities and not her looks.

Then in TGH:

“Gone.” Min’s face colored. “They’re all gone. Egwene and Nynaeve, and Mat, and Hurin, and Verin.”

That’s the only time that Min and Mat would have potentially actually met and Mat was, well, not exactly himself. Min did see the Horn of Valere, so she may have met Mat during that time. Once, briefly, lol.

Per TDR, Mat was so sick during the journey to Tar Valon that he’s unconscious for days at a time. And, of course, when he does finally wake up, he has those famous holes in his memory that he becomes desperate to fill. Mat and Min do not know each other! Potentially briefly when one of them was so sick that he lost almost all his memories of that time does not count as ‘knowing each other’. They know OF each other (because of Rand), but they do not know each other.

16. Definitely out of character for Joline to call Mat ‘Matrim’. She’s never done it before and she wouldn’t taint herself by calling him the same name that the slaver woman calls him anyway.

17. Mat does mention here that the worse things get and the more tragic his life is, the more he feels the urge to try to laugh it away. I feel like that ties back into Mat’s hysterical laughter at the end of Crossroads of Twilight when Tuon has made herself grand-captain-owner of the circus or whatever and he’s feeling well and truly trapped by her but... yeah. It’s just... frustrating. The entire Mat and Tuon ‘relationship’ rests on the foundation of Mat straight-up ignoring the majority of Tuon’s personality in order to focus on the tiny bits of her that aren’t a toxic horror show and force himself into loving those teeny-tiny non-trash parts of her, but it also feels like that text only ever glancingly acknowledges that this is what he’s doing? So it just all feels super weird that the narration tries really hard to ignore (in Mat PoV) that he’s married to a slaver (and not just by Mat! By the other characters too!) but in Tuon's PoV, it’s clear how deeply that part of her is foundational to her personality and her life choices. It’s jarring but in a way that doesn’t feel... intentional? I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But I’m going to keep that “the worse things get for me personally, the more I laugh about it” note in mind as we continue with Mat.

18. imo, the main part where Sanderson falls down here in comparison to Jordan is not in Mat’s characterization (Mat’s character was thoroughly trashed in CoT & KoD already; frankly, there have been genuine moments in this section of TGS where I have actually Kinda Liked Mat Again, something that I was beginning to doubt would ever happen after CoT & KoD crushed my affection for him out of me) -- but in the absence in the text so far of Juilin, Amathera, Egeanin, etc. Jordan was... and I really do wish that he’d left more notes behind on the Seanchan, because I DESPERATELY wish that I knew what was going on in his brain... even as the Mat & Tuon storyline was... a horrific waste of potential... Jordan had the secondary characters basically doing the storyline that Tuon SHOULD have been doing. And that secondary storyline is something that we have lost here -- with Juilin and Amathera, with Egeanin and Doman, with Aludra, and with the two remaining ex-sul’dam. The Aes Sedai still exist here as part of Mat’s story, as well as Thom, Talmanes, and Olver, but the rest of the secondary characters have faded into being fully background characters, at least for now. And given that in CoT & KoD Jordan stripped all the anti-slavery sentiment out of Mat’s character and only let it exist in the secondary characters, that means that any anti-slavery sentiment is now entirely gone from Mat’s storyline. I feel like this was probably more an artifact of trying to focus on “the main story” rather than any other intentions, but I feel the loss of it.

19. Rand’s List (of Women he has gotten killed that reminds him Never Kill Women) is running through his head, featuring such hits as:

Moiraine, who ‘died’ entirely because Rand refuses to kill women

a woman who was literally trying to kill him

the woman who sold him to the White Tower for a crown

an actual Forsaken who was actively trying to force him to murder his girlfriend

20. Rand wonders here if Lanfear is alive again, the way that Ishamael is alive as Moridin, making Moiraine’s sacrifice mean nothing. “The list would remain, but he would never again be too weak to do what must be done”. *hums thoughtfully*

21. Rand’s paranoia is starting to touch even people who haven’t ever hidden things from him, like Dobraine (...hey, wait, if Dobraine is here, then who is running Cairhien right now? Wasn’t he in charge of Cairhien? yeah, it mentions here that he was recently Steward of Cairhien. I do not remember Dobraine being sent off to Arad Doman. Did that happen in KoD and my brain just skipped over it?). lol, Rand’s revisionist history here about “mostly” trusting Moiraine. You “mostly” did not trust her, bro. I was there. This is retroactive trust based on the fact that she ‘died’ for you.

22. lol, Cadsuane is trailing along behind Rand’s group, making sure to stay out of sight in order to Technically be following his threat to her. Rand is basically just like “yeah fine, as long as she doesn’t try to bother me, whatever”. He did take back the Choden Kal that she’d stolen from him. I’m assuming he took back anything else she might have stolen too.

23. Min gets to be added to Rand’s Fridged Ladies list even though she’s still alive! Why is that so funny to me? Also, sheesh, Rand, tell LTT to at least call her by her preferred name. Seriously, though, if nearly killing Min traumatized Rand (which I agree that it SHOULD have done) then... she absolutely should not still be in the same city as him and definitely not in the same bed. Rand not sending Min away to somewhere he deems ‘safe’ would be very very out of character (though this isn't new with Rand & Min). He NEARLY KILLED HER. He shouldn’t want her anywhere near him, in case he actually DOES kill her the next time. But Min has nowhere else to go and nothing to contribute, so she’ll probably stay in Rand’s storyline for now, despite it making zero sense.

The way that it’s justified in Rand’s plotline here is that he’s “stopped caring”. Not about Min, per se, just about whether or not Min dies because of his actions. Seems like a distinction without a difference, but okay, lol. “If she died, he would add her to the list and suffer for it.”

The thing is... okay, I see what Sanderson is trying to do here -- showing that Rand’s nihilism is reaching the breaking point by using Min as the “he’s willing to risk even Min’s death because he no longer sees escaping death as possible or even desirable” marker line but the problem is that Rand was ALREADY dragging Min into dangerous situations even before the event with Semirhage. Like, he was keeping Min in his bed while avoiding Aviendha. He took Min to the cleansing and to Far Madding to kill the traitors even while trying to limit how much danger would come to Elayne or Aviendha. He let Min ‘talk’ him into taking her to the meeting with ‘the Daughter of the Nine Moons’. So there’s already a precedent of Rand being willing to risk Min’s dying on his account, so the change is not as striking as it would be if he were thinking this about Elayne, Aviendha, or his dad, or literally ANY of the Two Rivers’ soldiers who came along with Perrin in LoC, all of whom he has been avoiding to try to protect them. This is basically the same thing that Jordan did with Rand and Min SEVERAL times, where Rand has ~hardened himself~ yet again but is always ~too weak and soft~ to send Min away. I think this exact scenario happens at least three or four times in the series, lol.

24. Now this conversation with Merise, where Rand is cold and quiet (and thinking deeply disturbing things about why get worked up about people annoying him if he can just ~snuff them out like a candle~ if they bother him too much) much more effectively conveys Rand’s shift in mindstate, imo. Rand is deeply right at that intersection of scary/sexy, where he projects being cold and ruthless yet is still... on the side of the good guys. But in a way that is somewhat worrisome. Sure, he’s definitely still planning to save the world... but how much of the world would he let burn in the name of ‘the ends justify the means’?

25. Oooh, Rand is carrying the sa’angreal as a way of distracting himself from wanting to reach out to the True Power again. He thinks here how the Dark One was originally rediscovered as a limitless source of power. Now that he’s used the True Power, it’s a temptation to use it again, so he’s using the additional temptation of near-limitless saidin at his fingertips to help trap him between the two so that he won’t use either of them. That’s clever -- it reminds me of how he played the evil of Shadar Logoth against the evil of the Dark One.

26. Rand thinking fiercely here about how he “would not be collared again” which mirrors Egwene thinking about it during her last dinner with Elaida when Elaida was dismissing the danger of the Seanchan. Mirrors! Foils! Why doesn’t the narrative ever let Rand directly identify with the people who share so much in common with him? (again, a frustration that dates back into the Jordan books)

27. Hmm, Rand misses Aviendha, and wishes she hadn’t avoided him during their shared month in Arad Doman, but thinks that it’s probably better that she left, so that Rand won’t. You know. Accidentally kill her or be the reason she gets killed. The exact thing that he’s given up on worrying about re: Min, in other words. “His enemies didn’t know of her yet.” (which is implied is the real reason that Rand didn’t try to bridge the gap between them when they were all together). But the only reason that your enemies know about Min is because you publicly parade her around as your mistress, so that kinda seems like it’s on you. Again it’s... that same weird dynamic comes up where Rand expresses his love for EVERYONE ELSE (Aviendha, Elayne, his father, literally all the Two Rivers’ soldiers) by trying to stay away from them, but he’s given up on trying to ‘protect’ Min and just figures he’ll ~add her to the list~ if he gets her killed/unintentionally kills her. Rand’s protectiveness hasn’t changed! This is exactly what he was doing before the Event with Semirhage! It’s not that he’s any colder when it comes to the people he cares about; it’s that he’s always been willing to risk Min’s life.

(again: I don’t even think that this attitude of his is healthy! I think he should be willing to let the people he cares about make their own choices about the risks they choose but! the contrast between how he treats the other people he loves vs Min is... just weird, especially since she’s much more vulnerable/helpless than either Aviendha or Elayne, or his father and the Two Rivers’ soldiers, for that matter. The most helpless one is also the one that he feels the least willpower to actually protect. It’s SUCH a strange dynamic. Like, if Min and Rand’s relationship had been outed due to no choice of their own, so Rand was just rolling with the consequences of that, that would be one thing, but he was literally parading her around in public and she was ~famous~ in Cairhien for being in his bed. like, the only reason that their relationship is public is because they chose to make it that way -- again, the obvious contrast is Min saying how it’s smart that Elayne tore down his banners, so that the Forsaken would be less likely to go after Elayne as Rand’s love, and Rand reluctantly agreeing with that logic. Elayne and Aviendha are to be protected from Rand’s enemies, but Min has practically been held out as bait - and, like, if that were a deliberate strategy, that would be one thing and potentially very clever as long as Min DID have a secret way of protecting herself (like Mat's medallion, for example, lol), but it’s clear in both Rand and Min’s thoughts that this is NOT a deliberate strategy so all it does is make it look like Rand subconsciously has already written off Min as dead and thus expendable -- I mean, now she’s even already on his list of Dead Ladies!)

28. (Rand does wonder here if “Min’s presence” had kept Aviendha away during their month together -- again, no thoughts about... you know. That big group Bonding? Apparently not. They all confessed their love to him at the same time and said they would share him, but Rand shows no memory of this event, lol)

29. While Rand is definitely having some very concerning moments here re: ruthless calculus of war and all that... he’s not wrong that Graendal needs to die by balefire in order to ensure that she won’t pop up again later to be a continuing issue. Ruthless!Rand makes some good points, is all I’m saying.

30. Ah, we get a nice reminder that Taringail was an awful person -- one of the few bits of ~fatherly advice~ that he gave Galad in Gawyn’s hearing was “never trust Aes Sedai” and “never trust pretty women” (and definitely never trust a woman who is both). It is a TRADITION for the Daughter-Heirs of Andor to be sent to the White Tower to get training, even if the vast majority of them never reach the level of Aes Sedai or even Accepted/Novice. This sounds like him trying to alienate Galad (and Gawyn as a bonus) from Morgase tbh, and to alienate him from the culture of Andor in general, which is a matriarchal monarchy that historically maintains friendly relations with Tar Valon.

31. ...I feel like the story/hints we’ve gotten about Taringail’s death is that Thom killed him because he was planning to assassinate Morgase in order to take the throne of Andor himself? Trying to sell all this to Galad does seem like he was grooming Galad to accept the idea of himself as Taringail’s heir rather than Elayne as Morgase’s heir. Can’t trust pretty women; can’t trust Aes Sedai... but the queen is a very pretty woman who trained in Tar Valon? Taringail was 100% trying to poison Galad against Morgase (and he failed to make Galad hate MORGASE but maybe planted seeds about mistrusting Aes Sedai in general, seeds that later blossomed into, well. Being a Whitecloak).

32. Ah, Gawyn is in the same trap here than he was back in the White Tower after Elayne, Egwene, & Nynaeve had disappeared -- growing increasingly frustrated because everyone refuses to give him any information. Honestly, you’d think that Siuan would see the signs here that she saw last time and throw him a bone, considering how poorly keeping him out of the loop went last time. He does compare Egwene’s rise to power here to his mother’s - a young woman proving that she had the political grit to win everyone’s respect. That's sweet.

33. Gawyn is SO STUBBORN (haha you'd almost think he was from the Two Rivers). Even now, he insists on believing that Rand is the cause of all his troubles, and he’s still trying to straddle the fence between two loyalties -- he came to ‘help’ Egwene but not Egwene’s forces (even though he does admit to himself now that they ARE her forces), just as he promised not to hurt Rand himself but not to help him avoid being hurt by others. Ah, Bryne brings the “who do you serve?” question back around to Gawyn, pointing out the flaws in his thinking -- are you still First Prince of the Sword if you’re nowhere near Andor and your sister, the (almost) Queen? What will you do if you ‘rescue’ Egwene and she refuses to quit the field of battle to come to Caemlyn with you? So, you know. He’s got a lot to think about.

34. For all that Cadsuane is complaining about the Domani here, they sound much more sensible than the people in Ebou Dar -- instead of constant duels that frequently end in scars or death, people just shout at each other for a while, and then come to terms and buy each other drinks. “Fights were common; bloodshed infrequent. Injuries were bad for business”. Cadsuane doesn’t understand the innkeeper who works here, though she appreciates him as one of her contacts, but honestly his relationship with his wife sounds really sweet -- he keeps the books for her business as a silk merchant and because of her popularity as a merchant, they’ve made enough money where he’s able to open a ‘hobby inn’, essentially, where he does all the serving and cleaning himself while she does the ‘big business’ for the family. Ah, he’s a good contact because one of his daughters went to the White Tower (Brown Ajah; works in the library... we don’t know her current status).

35. Ah, a purpose of this chapter is to show us that Rand’s ta’veren luck twisting is now predominately negative rather than being a balance of positive and negative. The bad is now happening without the good to balance it. We also get a reminder here that apparently no one on Rand’s side has been told that the change in weather was the Wondergirls and not the Dark One, as Cadsuane blames both the drought and the sudden change to cold winter on the Dark One. I guess that’s another thing that Nynaeve could have told Rand but never got around to doing.

36. “Min had resisted every attempt that Cadsuane had made at involving her.” Okay, that is a hilarious sentence. That’s so untrue! That is rewriting history! Min was fully willing to be Cadsuane’s mood ring for Rand, fully willing to spill out Rand’s trauma to Cadsuane -- Min is the whole reason that Cadsuane knows about “the times he had been beaten and caged by Aes Sedai”. Like, Jordan also didn’t own the fact that Min is textually a blabbermouth but... Min is a blabbermouth. She’s also literally the ONLY reason that Cadsuane was allowed to stick around Rand for this long -- which Cadsuane knows (because Min TOLD HER, lol). However, I will note that Rand letting Aviendha avoid him for that month does mean that Cadsuane doesn’t appear to have any notion that the two of them are also entangled. That relationship does seem to be fairly well protected.

37. Rand is overseeing the grain distribution himself, because he’s noticed that it’s more likely to actually get to the people who need it if there’s direct oversight from him personally (though he wishes that weren’t the case). Rand learns from one of his Asha’man sent to try to negotiate another face-to-face meeting with the DotNM that they keep getting balked, with the implication being that the DotNM will refuse to meet on neutral territory (insisting on meeting on her stolen ‘home’ turf). Rand suggests they offer Falme as a meeting location, for ~historical significance~ and says that the Seanchan have enough honor that they won’t attack. I feel like he keeps forgetting that the Seanchan do not see channelers as people. You don’t need to honor an oath that you made to a chair. That being said, Falme is an interesting location for... intimidation reasons. “This is where I summoned dead champions to drive you into the sea” basically. Ah, Naeff tries to point out to Rand what I said -- that the Seanchan don’t look at Rand & the Asha’man as people but as potential slaves. Hmm, they do mention collars here again, which might just be them assuming that the Seanchan have more of the a’dam that can be used on men.

38. Thank you, Damer Flinn! “Differences?” Flinn asked. “I don’t think I’d rightly call that a difference, my Lord. They want to enslave every one of us, maybe execute us. They think it’s a favor to do either!” Rand doesn’t like it either but (because of the Aelfinn’s words) he doesn’t believe he has a choice.

39. Rand manages to get out of Nynaeve what’s happened with Lan (that she took him to Saldaea to ride across the Borderlands to face the Blight). It’s so... baffling that he needed to work to get it out of her. Why does Nynaeve resist so strongly telling Rand literally any information at all, no matter how helpful or relevant it might be? She DOES tell him about Lan when he pushes her, at least, which might not have happened if Jordan were still writing, lol. Wow, did he ever hate people sharing information with Rand.

Things Nynaeve Never Told Rand:

I guess that she and Elayne are the ones who changed the weather (on Egwene’s orders/permission)

That Mat was left behind in Ebou Dar when the Seanchan invaded

That the sul’dam are channeling learners, with damane being sparkers (Min could also tell him this, if she ever felt like being helpful and telling him something he doesn’t already know)

Literally ALL things relevant to his ability to make plans! What it feels like (from Winter’s Heart through Knife of Dreams) is that Jordan wanted Nynaeve in Rand’s storyline but absolutely didn’t want Rand to have any knowledge from Egwene’s section of the plotline (to make it easier for them to have a big misunderstanding once the White Tower is whole, I can only assume, and also to make it harder for Rand to wage any battles against the Seanchan) so Jordan just... had Nynaeve straight-up keep major secrets from Rand for no reason.

And that’s likely also why Elayne only got one night with Rand before he bounced, and possibly (if there were notes about Aviendha and Rand not interacting in Arad Doman) why Aviendha avoids Rand. Because Jordan very much always had Rand starved for information, so that he could make mistakes based on not having enough information. This also might be part of why Mat was slow-walked across Altara in CoT & KoD -- because Jordan didn’t want any of his plot-relevant information to make it into Rand’s hands.

40. This conversation here, with Rand musing that Lan’s death at the Blight could serve him overall in the Last Battle, does a good job showing him as having become ruthless. Because, sure, not necessarily wrong tactically-speaking but, as a voice inside him also whispers, what a terrible way to treat a friend.

41. It grates on Rand what a fragile position he may end up leaving the world after the Last Battle -- even with a hopeful peace with the Seanchan and food for Arad Doman, things would remain very uncertain here. He wants to do what he can to buffer the world from another Breaking. But there are too many problems and only one him (another reason that it’s so baffling that Jordan had him spend a month chilling and waiting on the Seanchan to reply to his messages, post-cleansing. There is SO MUCH for him to do. Honestly, it’s such a relief to see Rand actually Doing Things again, let me tell you). But that is the reason that he wants to find the Council of Merchants to appoint a king here rather than doing it himself -- because his authority will die when he dies. Rand is again, very aware here of the Seanchan as a potential threat, assuming that they would immediately move in to scoop up Arad Doman if it were left vulnerable post-Last Battle, even if a peace were theoretically in place. I’m keeping an eye out to see if this belief ever changes.

42. Okay, part of this conversation between Nynaeve and Rand is very good, but her throwing “do you even know where Mat is?” in his face when she... purposefully kept Mat’s location a secret from him is... just a baffling addition. But I like how it shows us that despite Rand THINKING about how he is hardened and cold, he is actually clearly a simmering volcano of potential violence at this point, because it doesn’t take much for him to start yelling at Nynaeve and threatening to exile her as he exiled Cadsuane. Rand’s perception of himself doesn’t match his behavior.

43. Rand & Egwene both time-jumped a month into the future in their narration but Perrin & Mat haven’t, so we get hints into Perrin and Mat’s future plotlines here in Rand’s rainbow ta’veren vision, seeing Perrin talking with Galad (dressed as a Whitecloak) and Mat riding into Caemlyn with Thom (I guess that explains why Mat is still slow-crawling across Altara while slaver girl is already in Ebou Dar -- Tuon joined the time-skip with Rand & Egwene). “They both needed to be with him for the Last Battle.” STABBING the narrative with shearing scissors. I do wonder if this conversation with Nynaeve would have gone differently if it were in private? Rand explicitly has thought in the past about how he needs to pretend that the Two Rivers and everyone from the Two Rivers are unimportant to him, and they are in front of Domani nobles right now. I don’t imagine he wants them (any of whom could be Darkfriends) to think that he cares at all about Mat, Perrin, or the Two Rivers. That being said, Rand’s passively suicidal streak is also becoming worryingly active, and his temper is on a very short leash.

44. Nynaeve does Investigative Work and uncovers the actual person who killed the messenger from “the king” (actually Graendal), capturing him and bringing him to Rand. Rand was in bed with Min before Nynaeve woke them up. You know, the person that he almost killed with his own hands only a handful of nights ago. But it’s okay! If he kills her by accident, he’ll just add her to the list (again). No big deal! And that Min apparently has ZERO trauma from being STRANGLED by the man that she loves/maybe trusts is another big illustration of her being a plot device and not a character. The plushie that you need to cuddle to get to sleep isn’t allowed to have nightmares of her own. She still has BRUISES on her neck from when Rand NEARLY KILLED her and she has absolutely zero issue sharing a bed with him? Min is immune to trauma! How lucky! Min silently follows him into the room in a thin robe, to be a Sexy Set Decoration.

45. lol, Min is in this entire scene and doesn’t say a word the whole time. She’s literally just there for decorative purposes. I mean, I laugh about it because it’s so frustrating (their entire relationship) but... their relationship really does add so little to the story. And it’s frustrating Because I think there actually could have been something interesting in the Seer and Prophecy Child interacting, but because it’s A Romance, it’s watered down to the point of absurdity.

46. The other sad thing about Rand and Min’s ‘relationship’ is how it can distract from the actual point of the scene -- it’s heartbreaking how much Rand is completely treating Nynaeve like an outsider at this point! Yet it’s undercut by Min Sexy Lamping all over the scene. Every so often, Nynaeve has to note how Min is silently moving to a new pose, lol. Min has NOTHING TO DO HERE and simply should not have been in the scene. This scene, which is fairly tragic and intense otherwise, does not need Sexy Set Decoration, any more than we needed Min sexily swaying her way across a battlefield of corpses in Knife of Dreams.

47. Min falls asleep and thus achieves her final form: she is now LITERALLY a burden that Rand hauls around, leaving him less able to protect himself, instead of just being that metaphorically. Narrative poetry. I can’t believe she was literally in that scene just to be a pretty piece of set decoration, lol wow.

48. Anyway, Nynaeve Heals Graendal’s Compulsion on the assassin’s mind, but the Compulsion was layered so deeply and so thoroughly in his mind that there’s nothing really left anymore after all the Compulsion is gone. Nynaeve notes how Rand speaks of how he has seen this dozens of times, and she wonders if Lews Therin is the one dominating Rand’s mind right now, and how much she’s actually dealing with Rand. Though there is little of the person still left, Rand is able to get a location out of him -- Natrin’s Barrow.

49. During her conversation with Rand, Nynaeve realizes that he has completely extinguished any ounce of hope for himself or any future for himself. In order to make it to the Last Battle, Rand’s decided he can’t afford to hold anything back, that he has to use himself up to the last drop (oh that is Frodo in Mordor vibes). Now, how much of that is Lews Therin’s death wish bleeding through? How much of that is the crushing trauma after trauma that Rand has suffered? It’s a painful conversation to listen to (and, again, mildly undercut by Min the Sexy Set Dressing, lol -- but that makes me... hmm. Rand has essentially written both himself AND MIN off as dead, it seems, as Min is now officially on his list of Dead Ladies alongside Ilyena. Aviendha and Elayne (and Nynaeve, as he mentions here, as being allowed to still dream of the future when Rand cannot), he has not written off as dead, and so he accepts separation from them as part of that -- they are the living and he, and Min, are the dead. huh. I am going to consider that angle as a potential way to explain Rand’s otherwise very out-of-character behavior around Min. This is a very new idea for me, but I’ll poke at it and see what I think. Is it possible that Rand as been thinking of Min as his living dead girl for longer than just the Event with Semirhage?).

Side note: talking about how Rand appears to have written Min off as already dead actually reminds me of something in Origins that I disagreed with! The author of that book noted that one of Tuon’s names is associated with death & Persephone (Kore being another name for Persephone) and had basically a surface-level read of “well, Mat kidnaps her and takes her to a ‘hell’ (tavern)” so that’s the reference related to the name and... imo MAT is actually a much better version of Persephone in this story. A core part of the Persephone story is about being torn between two worlds -- the living world and the underworld -- Mat is tricked into his marriage vows (he has no reason to believe that merely stating his future prophecy will lock him into it) like Persephone ate the pomegranate seeds without knowing what it meant for her future, trapping him halfway into the Seanchan culture, just as Persephone is trapped. Mat is the character who stands between two worlds who comes from one of the worlds and marries into the second, not Tuon, who is firmly the RULER of the world that she exists in (like Hades is the ruler of hell). And the arrival of the Seanchan in Ebou Dar, when Mat is first ‘trapped’ away from his other friends (the living world), also coincides with the ‘change in seasons’ because that’s when the Bowl was used by Elayne and Nynaeve -- Mat’s ‘kidnapping’ via the Ebou Dar invasion literally heralds the coming of winter. MAT is Persephone. Not Tuon.

Now, if Tuon had actually undergone character growth in CoT & KoD, then she COULD have (also) been Persephone. That would have been a much more interesting story imo, if both Tuon and Mat were bridging two worlds through marriage and felt torn between the new world that their spouse had introduced to them and the old one that they'd been born into. But it's clearly only Mat who is standing in two worlds, not Tuon. She firmly has both her feet in Seanchan territory.

#wot reread #the gathering storm #wot #wheel of time #the wheel of time #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #aviendha #mat cauthon #rand al'thor

64 notes · View notes

firstelevens · 3 months

Note

hi zainab!!!! 2, 3, 6, and 29 for the fic writer ask???

Hi Mak! Thank you for sending these in!

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

Yes, because I am absolutely my own biggest fan!

On a much more practical note, sometimes I reread because it's part of a series and I'm checking a canonical detail (although if it's in the Bake Off AU I'm better off just asking @sesamestreep, who is the official lorekeeper and knows that universe's canon better than I do.) Other times, there's a fic where I just really like what I did with a character's voice or the general tone of a scene and I'll go back just to get a feel for what I did the last time.

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I mean, the Bake Off AU has my whole heart and there's so much of me in it that it will always be special to me BUT!!! I really love the Thunderbolts-era epistolary fic counted days, counted miles because I think it's an exercise in me managing to show writerly restraint, which is a skill I'm still working on. (And also I got to come up with so many fun spy tricks for hiding letters; it was great.)

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

How fortuitous that you picked this question when I have reread wish that i could wind (like a spiral stair through time) FIVE TIMES in the past month. That fic is a work of art. I am also never far from rereading and never ever watch the ten o'clock news, which is Emma's phenomenal Psych AU of Rogue One which is just so wonderful and funny and it continues to hold up. Oh also! There's don't read the last page, which is a Brooklyn Nine-Nine fic that is short and sweet and just so warm and cozy and I go back to that one a lot just for the mood of it.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic.

Okay so this question reminded me that there's a 1200 word scene from the Formula 1 AU that was originally going to be the epilogue but got canned which SUBSEQUENTLY reminded me that there's a whole scene that I wrote for the Bake Off AU that got cut from Chapter 6 because things ended up going another way!

The beginning will looks familiar if you remember anything from that chapter, but then there's a sharp left turn that involves the lost plot point of Becca Barnes creeping on Joaquín's thirst trap and restaurant review filled Instagram in order to figure out where Bucky could go for dinner. I was sad to lose it tbh but the restaurant still made it into the fic as the place where Sam and Bucky go out on their definitely-not-a-date in Chapter 10.

A peek at the alternate timeline under the cut!

Bucky is starfished on his bed, trying to muster the energy to get up when his phone rings. His eyes are squeezed shut, but he opens one to peer at the screen. He only answers because it’s Becca, but he’s too tired to do more than grunt into the phone when he picks up.

“Good day, huh?” she asks, laughing when he just groans in response.

“Hope yours was better than mine,” Bucky says, when he finally manages to talk. “How’s day shift treating you?”

“I’m discovering that there’s this thing in the sky called the sun, and it provides light? And makes people happy? Do you think other people know about it? Should I be telling them?”

He laughs tiredly. “You can use all this newfound energy to make a TikTok about it.”

“I’ll get on that,” Becca says. “What about you? You okay?”

“Yeah,” says Bucky, bringing his hand up to his face. “I just need to lie down for a while.”

Not that lying down for the past half hour has helped, but he’s got high hopes for that sixty minute mark.

“No, what you need to do is eat something,” Becca says, sounding remarkably like their mother. “Tell me your head isn’t hurting right now.”

Bucky freezes, his fingers still pressed into his temples. “It’s creepy when you do that, you know.”

She laughs. “I know. Hey, why don’t you go to that place that you and Steve went to all the time, the one with the waffles?”

The last time Bucky had been there, four years ago, he’d spent the entire evening bickering companionably with Sam while Steve dealt with a work emergency. It had felt remarkably like flirting, and he’d even thought about asking Sam to get a drink sometime—and then Bucky had been eliminated after the next day’s Showstopper, and that put an end to that.

He shakes his head to clear it. “I’m tired, Bec, and they pick us up at like, six AM. I think I might just grab something from the convenience store.”

“Buck, I spend half my time listening to newborn babies cry and that is still the most pitiful thing I’ve heard this week. You are not eating yogurt for dinner alone in your hotel room.”

Bucky huffs. “Well, I’d grab a random stranger off the street to join me, but I’m not looking to get murdered today, Rebecca.”

He can hear the sound of Becca typing, doing the thing where she studiously ignores his asshole behavior until he comes around and starts acting a more like a person. It’s annoying how well it works.

After a minute or two of typing and what he assumes is scrolling, she lets out a, “Huh.”

When he waits for her to elaborate and she doesn’t, Bucky sighs. “What is it?”

“Do you know a Joaquín Torres?”

It’s far from the question he was expecting but Bucky answers in the affirmative. “He’s a baking consultant on the show.”

More typing. “Does he have good taste?”

There’s a tiny, childish part of Bucky that wants to say no, because Torres is chirpy and bright-eyed and his unfailing enthusiasm is exhausting at times, but that would be a lie. “Yeah, he knows his stuff. Why?”

“He lives in Atlanta; he posts about a lot of local hidden gems. There’s a Tunisian restaurant a couple blocks from your hotel, apparently? Kind of looks like a hole in the wall but he says the food is amazing.”

“I don’t know, Bec. It’s late and eating out alone is depressing.” His limbs feel heavy, and his shoulder is starting to hurt from having the prosthetic on for so long, and he knows that food would make his headache go away, but he just can’t drag himself off the bed.

Like Becca knows what track his mind is on—and honestly, she probably does—, she chooses this moment to go for the knockout. “Come on, Buck; it’s my job to look out for you, and you’re too far away for me to drag you out to dinner and make sure you eat. Throw a girl a bone here.”

She’s too powerful for her own good.

Bucky drags a hand down his face, sighing again. “You know, I hear some people don’t let their baby sisters tell them what to do all the time.”

“Poor them,” says Becca.

“Poor them,” echoes Bucky, and asks her to text him the address.

When she does, he looks it up and realizes that it really is only two blocks away: completely walkable, even in Atlanta’s late spring heat, and only a little further than the convenience store where he’d planned to grab his apparently pathetic dinner.

It’s only when he gets to the door of the restaurant that he remembers it’s a Saturday night and he probably should have thought to make a reservation. The place only has a handful of tables to begin with, and they’ve all got people at them. The host already has an apologetic look on his face as Bucky walks in, but they both turn in surprise when they hear someone inside the restaurant call out to him.

“Bucky!” says Joaquín, as brightly as ever. “Come sit with us.”

Because the universe has a sense of humor, ‘us’ is of course Joaquín and Sam, who are having dinner together. Alone. On a Saturday night.

It can’t be a date, Bucky reasons. No one would invite a random acquaintance to third-wheel their date, right?

He realizes that he still hasn’t responded when the host assures him that of course they’ll be able to add another place setting to the table, and before he knows it, Bucky is being whisked over to their table.

Whatever mood had settled over Sam after the signature today seems to have dissipated, and he turns to Bucky with a grin on his face. “I hope you trust Torres over here, because he ordered way too much food for us and didn’t let me see the menu.”

Joaquín shrugs. “I come here a lot,” he says. “Not enough people know about it, but it’s amazing.”

“Which is why he’s on a mission to be their one-man marketing team,” says Sam. “We got here half an hour ago and he’s already posted on Instagram like, ten times.”

Bucky thinks of the sound of Becca on her computer as she’d talked to him earlier, how she’d pivoted from suggesting the diner he’d probably have ended up at to this specific restaurant, and suddenly, this coincidence feels markedly less like a coincidence.

He’d probably feel more annoyed about it if he didn’t spend the meal close enough to Sam for their shoulders to constantly be brushing. Torres is right; the food is great, but if anyone asks, Bucky’s pretty sure the only thing he’d be able to recount is how many times Sam touched his arm to ask him to pass things, or dished some more food onto his plate, or gently nudged him while telling Joaquín stories of their time filming season two.

When the check comes, Bucky insists on paying, to make up for crashing Sam and Joaquín’s dinner, and as they stand on the sidewalk outside the restaurant, Joaquín offers to drop them off at the hotel on his way home. He’s about to accept when Sam waves it off.

“I think we’ll just walk back,” says Sam. “It’s so nice out, and the hotel’s probably closer than your car is.”

There’s a moment where all three of them silently commiserate over the trials of city parking, and then Joaquín says he’ll see them tomorrow and heads off.

Bucky glances sidelong at Sam, whose eyebrows are knitted together as he looks down the street towards their hotel. He can see the entrance from where they’re standing, but Sam gently touches his elbow and nods down the street to their left—the long way, Bucky realizes, a moment too late.

#bisamwilson #zainab does ask meme things #thank you for these Mak!#I had COMPLETELY forgotten that I had this little bit of the Bake Off AU lying around; I hope it's an entertaining what if

10 notes · View notes

steppingstonesuniverseguide · 5 months

Note

Hello!! I’m very sorry for spamming your inbox with likes at 4:00 am, but in my defense this is probably my favorite fic series of all time and I had no idea you had a separate tumblr for it.

Something about your writing style fits perfectly with how my brain works, and it’s so much fun to reread the stories and pick up on a bunch of foreshadowing and hidden themes that I missed before. It really is incredible, and the pacing flows together so smoothly I could read all of the fics in one sitting if I didn’t need to sleep or eat.

From the way that you talk in some of your posts, it sounds like you have everything planned out in advance. I was curious: do you have a bunch of chapters written already that you pull information from or are you a crazy fast sprint writer? For the former, how many chapters do you have? If it’s the latter, how long would you say it takes you to write a chapter on average?

No problem at all! Spamming my inbox with likes makes me happy every time. :)

I'm so glad you like my writing style and stepping stones!

So I have plans, but I don't have things written out. Outlines kill me, so the most I do is random notes to myself and I'll write out scenes far in the future when I get inspiration. Mostly ideas are just floating around in my head. I currently have about 3 chapters of the sequel to OMSOOTP, One Stone Loose Upon the Footpath, written because I want a good chunk of it finished before I start publishing.

How long it takes me to write a chapter varies a lot. Sometimes I spend a month agonizing on something. Sometimes I black out for 24 hours and wake up to an entire fic written. See the recent prequel to Scored, Abandoned. My max for this sort of writing sprint is about 20,000 words for a story in a different fandom "Gaps in His Files."

Which chapter/fic will be which style varies wildly and I never know what I'll get.

#author thoughts #asks

12 notes · View notes

tortoisebore · 1 year

Note

fav wolfstar fics?? yes i’m looking for new reccs and i’m also rlly curious

omgggg i have so many how can i chooseee 🫢 i feel like a lot of these are staples so you might’ve already read them but here are my all time favs (in no particular order except Blends/Names is absolutely my #1)

Blends (and the WIP sequel Names) by rvltn909

ugh such an OG & one of the first wolfstar fics i remember reading!! one thing ab me is i’m going to absolutely devour a coffee shop AU. throw in a university AU on top of it?? bitch i’m seated. because this was my first wolfstar fic i feel like these characterizations are the blueprint, every other remus & sirius are knockoffs of these two. this remus is just like me fr i love him & his stupid little angry self-loathing anxious brain so bad. also the sirius POV in Names is to die for, mans just won’t stop talking i love him sm

A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety by greenvlvetcouch

oh my GOD i subscribed to this one when green posted like chapter four?? or five?? and legitimately screamed my head off every time i got the emails. like i was blowing off work and reading ao3 on the job when this shit updated. i love toxic codependent wolfstar so bad i ate this up like a dying man i’m so serious i’ve already reread it once since it was completed like two weeks ago lmfao, every new thing green posts i make it my new religion

Impossible Things by accioromulus

this one ojhmygod i feel like i reread it about once every three months. they are so 🤲 jdhffhfh god i love losers who pine so bad they feel on the verge of death

Beneath a Big Blue Sky by eyra

i reread this like??? once every two months??? everything eyra writes is in my bookmarks bc i love their work so so much but this one in particular gets lodged in my brain so bad omfg. this remus is my sweet precious grumpy little angel and this sirius is so sweet and soft and caring he makes me cry?? Hollow Places is my other fav from this author, their writing style just makes my brain buzz in the best way, they are a huge huge inspo for me

Hard to Find by accioromulus

another one of the first i remember reading! little summer road trip with a big ole side of pining and yearning and sharing a lil couch to sleep?? yes please. the banter between the four boys is my favvvv in this one, they are so stupid and dumb i love them

LIEBESTRAUMMMM OH MY GOD by lunchbucket

there are exactly two (2) exes getting back together fics i can stomach and this is one of them. this remus & me are the same person i think, reading his journey throughout this fic was sort of healing in a way?? i initially started it bc i’ve played piano my entire life and love a lil music AU moment, but this fic genuinely revived my love for classical music and liszt’s compositions in particular. it is a masterpiece

Staying Strangers by 3amAndCounting

i am not kidding i’ve been subscribed to this fic since like??? the 10th chapter? i pride myself in having been on board w this one before everyone else lmfao. this is literally the only ‘texting fic’ i’ve genuinely loved, these characterizations are so sweet and perfect and i will protect this sirius w my entire life 🤺

This Is Not Your Year by montparnasse

i think this is the only canon-compliant in my entire ao3 bookmarks bc i enjoy being delusional and i require a happy ending or i will d*e. however comma, i cannot overstate how much i LOVE this one. this writing is absolutely devastating oh my god i’m not an angst person (re: delusional) and this one is so angsty but ugjshfjffj it’s so gritty and real and raw and it makes my heart ACHE for them

note: i am about to embark on a journey and start crimson rivers. i’ve avoided it since like last summer bc i wanted to wait until it was completed but then it turned into a 700k beast, so here we are. i am not (!!!!) a jegulus person but what i’ve seen of this fic is so so good so i’m going to do it for the wolfstar & bc i’m a hunger games stan

tyyy for the ask!! i always love reading other people’s recs but i’ve never made a list myself, this was very fun

#u ask tortoise answers #anon #wolfstar fic rec #this just made me want to reread all of these

56 notes · View notes

andypantsx3 · 7 months

Text

andie's info desk — blog rules, ask rules, writing info, tagging, and faqs!

˖˚˳⊹ — blog rules

★ minors please do not follow; all others please have your age in your bio or i may block you for your safety!! ★ read and interact in good faith. please assume i am doing my best and mean everything with good intentions. if i've said something you find hurtful, you can politely let me know! ★ be respectful and polite. i am not a blog, i am a person! i have a full time job & other life commitments and can sometimes take a long time to write fic, respond to messages, or read recs. my online fooling around time is my recharging time and i try not to put pressure on myself to do things super quickly.

˖˚˳⊹ — ask rules

★ please do not message me the same thing over & over! i ask for your patience with how slow i can be to respond; i will try to get to as many messages as i have time and energy for!! (please also note i am also a serial hoarder of praise & nice messages because i love rereading them, i apologize!!) ★ please don't ask when a fic will be updated! i don't have an update schedule; i post as i write unless otherwise already specified. ★ i only accept fic recommendations off anon & from non-blank blogs. previously i've had people recommend me their fics and harass me when i took a while; now i'd like full visibility on who is recommending me what! apologies to any shy people this affects!! ★ i will only accept recs & asks that respect my rules/will not read/will not writes. others will be deleted, my apologies.

˖˚˳⊹ — writing (and reading)

★ do not repost, translate, plagiarize, or otherwise input my work into any ai interface. if you'd like to post something inspired by one of my works, i'm generally cool with it but would appreciate if you'd message me first! ★ i do not take requests and have no plans to! i already struggle to write my own ideas lol. ★ i don’t maintain & use tag lists—my apologies! i recommend subbing to the fic on ao3 if you have an account! ★ yes, i accept constructive criticism! i want to grow as a writer, any help would be appreciated. please do be constructive with me, though!! ★ i don't write or read any of the following tropes: pregnancy, babies, motherhood in general, daddy kink, degradation, gore, blood, pain kink, death, piss, scat, vomit, kink involving bodily functions in general, rape, noncon, cheating, break up/getting back together, incest including stepcest, dom reader, teacher/student, pet play. ★ i don't write or read any of the following characters: endeavor, afo, any of the teachers except aizawa, any of the lov except dabi, any of the pros except hawks, any of the girls as i am tragically heterosexual :/

˖˚˳⊹ — faq

★ can you rec some fics? i rec things as i read them!! you can check here for all the x reader fics i’ve recommended so far!! ★ will you beta my fic? it seriously means a ton to me that anyone would trust me with this! i'm currently prioritizing writing my own fics (and also don't have the proper chops to properly beta to be real with you), and will decline; my sincerest apologies!! ★ what are your thoughts on <controversial fandom subject>? going forward i have decided not to answer these. i’m not here to participate in discourse, i just want to have fun. obviously there are many things that i will be happy to shout down (racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc) but there are a lot of topics that come up in fandom that i believe are largely more nuanced than "x thing is bad!" (interpretations of storylines, character motivations, dark content, the eternal aged up character discourse, and inter-blog beef that is none of my business). ★ do you have any tips on getting noticed? you can check out some of my previous suggestions here but honestly i'm not the best person to ask! in truth i think just telling the kinds of stories that you want to tell is the best way to make the most of your time in fandom. ★ will you face reveal? nope! you will have to imagine me as a pink parrot always.

˖˚˳⊹ — tagging

#andie.chat for posts containing personal ramblings and/or personal opinions. PLEASE block this tag if you are upset/triggered by opinions on characters/tropes/storyline interpretations that do not match yours. #ask andie for all my asks/replies. please feel free to block if the amount i respond bothers you! #fic recs for all my fic recommendations #bnha spoilers for any spoilers for new episodes/movies/manga content. #tw: i try to tag potentially triggering content in the format of “tw: triggering content here” but please let me know if there is anything i can tag better in the future!

#andypantsx3 rules #tw: kink

30 notes · View notes

merrivia · 1 year

Note

your essays of literary analyses for captive Prince fascinate me, amuse me, entertain me (in the "wow, this is so cool" sort of way and "maybe I'll read this whole thing again"), educate me, and get me thinking harder about my own reactions to the books. I believe that I do my own level of analysis as I read, seeing many but far from all of the same things, and stopping as I go to say, "hey, waaaait a minute" or go back and reread relevant passages earlier in the book or in earlier books. but I am very far away from being able to put things together the way you do.

I do a few simple things, like collecting multiple examples of something (I did that for showing that Damon is the kind of guy who gets "annoyed" about things that might or might not send the rest of us into a rage), and another too-long one why I thought "I speak your language better than you speak mine sweetheart" comment happened.

… I do have a question. Here it is. How much of the content of your essays are you consciously aware of while you're initially reading,? How much prep do you do for your essays – – outline? A few of your own cliff notes😁? Or or do what I mostly do, to the detriment of my material but not yours, and just start writing?

Oh wow, thank you so much that’s such a huge compliment! I’m always so happy to hear people enjoy the metas/essays I write, genuinely. I would love to read the posts you mentioned you wrote! I’ll hop over to your page and find them after I post this.

So I don’t really do any prep at all! No notes, no outlines, no plans. I’ve re-read the books 4 times solidly in a row, and want to do a 5th soon (I’ve given myself a little bit of a break, so I don’t lessen my love of it through overfamiliarity!). I think at this point my mind just picks up on patterns and starts to weave things together, subconsciously? Something will just occur to me and I’ll get the urge to write about it. I’m a big believer in that coming from the texts; I still find lines or paragraphs in the books so interesting and intriguing and the way Pacat writes…it’s so rich that there are many aspects to explore.

I also really believe in the power of reading around and seeing where that takes you too. Originally my essays were completely just what came from my mind, but I’ve started leaning towards letting other ideas shine their light on the books too. With my latest post, I knew that Damen’s trauma was different to Laurent’s but I also knew that I was no expert in trauma responses and wanted to read more about it, happened to stumble on Tick’s work almost immediately which just felt like such a powerful connection as it draws partly on classical traditions and I started to put the essay together.

I always come from a point of ‘things are more complicated than they seem’ about pretty much anything and I’m always very wary about people that try to oversimplify discourse. A simplistic reading of Damen’s character would say ‘he’s not got emotional complexity, he’s just a horny jock dressed up in Akielon clothing’ and honestly that’s just so reductive and not true but also…boring, and is essentially a discredit to Pacat’s intelligence and skills. Once you start thinking there’s more under the surface here, you can start to plumb the depths.

I do follow a rough introduction/main/conclusion structure as per any essay, which helps? I’m pretty much trained mentally in the English way of writing literary essays so I do it automatically. I hadn’t realised this till you asked but because I really enjoyed the books and don’t really see myself negatively critiquing them, my conclusions reflect the happy ending of the books where I tend to see things positively? So the end point is kind of already in place. I think the points I make follow similar essay style patterns; start more broadly, then narrow down like a funnel or start a little more chronologically and then move forward (like establishing who Damen is first, and his warrior status is going back to how he was raised, then we can use that to inform his initial reactions in CP before following that thread all the way to The Summer Palace). I’m fond of what appears to be a tangent but is actually a loop back, that illuminates (like I talked about violence as an intimate act, having read that in Tick’s work, and how Laurent particularly provokes that from Damen but that led me to realise if you do choose violence over love as a form of intimacy, you are going to have to pay a price for that).

Ideas do reveal themselves through the writing. Once I’d read that warriors could heal and reintegrate through society recognising them (Edward Tick actually performs these “Warrior Welcome Home” ceremonies for combat veterans, as part of a healing process) I thought well Damen had that in Akielos, and then it was like a little lightbulb moment of ‘Ah but by being in Vere, and around Laurent, he’s gone from hero to villain’. And Laurent has suffered the anguish of being vilified and having his character destroyed, and actually doesn’t realise he’s doing the same to Damen (I didn’t put that in, as there’s only so much you can write! Sometimes holding back on your ideas is good too, to keep the essay tighter. Incidentally one day I am going to do more metas on Laurent and his feelings towards Damen but I’m so respectful of his labyrinthine mind that I want to be very certain of my ideas before I do!).

I hope that kind of answered your question! If you ever want to chat about CP stuff you can absolutely dm me, I love talking about the books ✨

#captive prince #thanks for the ask!

26 notes · View notes

spnhunter4life · 1 year

Text

So Long

Summary: Jenna and Dean have known each other since she was 9 and he was 11. Their fathers often hunted together, so they grew up in next door motel rooms, keeping each other company and watching out for Sammy. They were inseparable until their dads inevitably fought and stopped working together. Shortly after Sam left for college, her father had been killed on a hunt and his dad had been more and more distant, so they started hunting together. In a world where everyone has a tattoo of their soulmate’s name that appears somewhere on them on their 16th birthday, it took them a ridiculous amount of time to figure things out.

Word Count: 4.6k

A/N: I’ve always really loved the soulmate cliché, so I decided to write one of my own. As I was figuring out the basics of what I wanted to do, Niall Horan’s song So Long came on my playlist. It’s a beautiful song and I realized how well it fit the story I was trying to come up with, so this is based off of it.

A/N 2: So I just jumped back on the Supernatural bandwagon. While I was never truly off the wagon per se, it was more of a background appreciation for it while I was interested in other things. But I finally convinced myself to finish season 15 and now I'm all in again.

I remembered this fic I started like four years ago. I never posted it because it wasn't finished. It's still not, but I went back and reread what I have so far, and I'm actually super happy with it. So, that being said, I'm going to admit that I'm a super inconsistent writer. I might be super motivated to write for a few days (which I definitely am right now) and then not write again for a year. That's half the reason I never posted it. The other half is because, while I don't actually write things down often, I make stories in my head constantly and I've realized that I often go back and change details to fit the new direction I've decided to go in. And so I didn't want to post this until I was all done in case I wanted to make changes. But I decided I can edit and let people know things changed if it comes to that. I'm hoping if I can get some people to see this and get a little feedback, it will keep me motivated to write. All feedback is appreciated! Tell me what you liked. Tell me what could improve. Let me know if you find any grammar errors or inconsistencies. As long as it’s said nicely, I’m glad for absolutely any comments you might have.

My plan is to update weekly to give myself time to get the next chapters done. The second chapter is currently done/super close to done. Not sure if I want to add more to it or move it to another chapter. I’ve got a decent start on chapter 3 also. With the outline I have currently, this story is set to be 8 chapters. That could easily change though.

Also, shoutout to @jerkbitchidjitassbutt. You probably don’t even remember, but you read this chapter over for me way back when I first wrote it, so thanks for the support you gave me then!

Sorry for the super long note, and thanks for reading this far if you did!

Series Masterlist

Looking back through changes Where we started from Don’t know about you but I Knew it wasn’t wrong

Ages 16 and 17 June 25, 1996

I woke up, not exactly expecting to feel different, but maybe hoping. Today I would find out who my soulmate was. At least, I’d get a first name. Even though I knew it was stupid to get my hopes up, I couldn’t help but secretly want it to be Dean’s name. I was also nervous. Did I really want to know? If it wasn’t Dean, how would I deal with the disappointment? But if it was Dean, how could I possibly approach a subject like that? And even then, it wouldn’t mean it was Dean Winchester I was meant to be with. There were other Deans in the world. And wouldn’t he have said something by now if my name was tattooed on him somewhere?

Taking a deep breath, I looked over all of the skin currently exposed by my pajamas. Nothing on my arms or legs from the knees down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 9:30. I couldn’t believe I’d slept that long, that my dad had let me!

I jumped out of bed, grabbing my towel and clothes for the day, heading straight for the shower. I’d made one friend in this small Louisiana town, a very outgoing girl I’d bumped into while getting groceries with Sam and Dean. She’d been excited to meet someone new, saying all of her friends were on vacation for the summer, and she and I were supposed to meet up soon to spend the day together.

I started the shower to let the temperature adjust and then started the process of removing my clothes, checking each inch of revealed skin for a name. Nothing yet, then. Supposedly, the name showed up around the time of day you were born. I had no idea what time that was, so I would let Alyssa distract me for the day and check again tonight.

When I came out of the bathroom wearing shorts and a t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail to combat some of the summer heat, my dad was just closing the door, chocolate chip muffins, my favorite breakfast food, in his hand.

“Happy birthday,” he smiled. “How does it feel to be sixteen?” He asked this question every year, but this was the big year, and it held a little more weight behind it. “It feels… pretty much the same as every other year I guess.” I told him honestly. Other than my nerves being slightly on edge with the upcoming soulmate reveal, it felt like any other day. “What are you still doing here? I thought you and John would’ve left by now.”

“That was the original plan, but I couldn’t leave without seeing my daughter on her birthday. I wanted to have the chance to eat breakfast together. The case can wait a couple hours.” He told me, sitting down at the table.

“Where are those two shadows of yours?” He teased as I took a seat across from him and grabbed a muffin. I knew he wouldn’t ask about my tattoo. He didn’t like people prying into his life and he didn’t pry into mine. He knew I’d tell him if I wanted to.

“I have no idea,” I replied as I peeled the wrapper off my muffin. “I haven’t seen either of them, but I just got up. Thanks for letting me sleep in by the way.”

“I figured one day can’t hurt. But don’t think you can go slacking off. It’s back to morning runs and training after this.” He said before taking a bite of his own muffin. “I still don’t understand why those boys aren’t here. You three make such a big deal out of each other’s birthdays, I half expected them to break down the door.” He mused.

“Maybe they forgot. And we don’t make ‘such a big deal.’ One present and a movie night isn’t too much to ask. Besides, it’s mostly Sam. Dean always made a big deal about his birthdays growing up and so Sam learned to do the same for us.” I told him.

“Yeah but a bunch of kids scrounging up enough money to get those presents for each other is a big deal.” He said with a fond smile. Taking the last bite of his muffin, he stood and grabbed something off of the counter. “Speaking of presents,” he said as he handed it to me.

“Dad, you didn’t have to.” I told him as I grabbed it.

“I know I didn’t, but it’s not every day your baby girl turns sixteen. It’s not much, but I thought you would enjoy it.” He replied a little awkwardly.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around him, Backstreet Boys CD clutched in my hand. I had found them on accident really. It was all Alyssa’s fault. I generally enjoyed the same music as Dean, but she had showed me one of their songs and I couldn’t get it out of my head. Dad had heard me humming it one day which led to an embarrassing confession.

“Don’t tell Dean.” I pleaded, knowing the endless teasing and likely judgment I would be on the receiving end of if he found out. “Oh, I wouldn’t dare.” Dad laughed, pulling away from the hug.

“I should probably go find him though,” I said, glancing at the clock. “I’m supposed to meet Alyssa soon and he said he’d drive me.”

“Have fun!” I heard him shout as I left our motel room. I saw the Impala parked by the room next door, so I knew he was here at least. Since Dean has legally been able to drive, John gave it to Dean and the two of them take either my dad’s truck or the one John had purchased after gifting Dean the Impala. As I raised my hand to knock, the door flew open.

“Oh!” John said, startled. “I was just going to tell your dad we need to get going. I’m glad you’re up.” Then he was in the motel room I’d just abandoned, not waiting for my response.

“Hi to you to.” I mumbled under my breath. I walked through the door John had left open to see Dean sprawled out on the couch. He turned to me when I closed the door and grinned.

“Hey, there’s the birthday girl!” He exclaimed, prompting Sam to run out of the bathroom, dressed and looking fresh from the shower, toothbrush in his mouth.

“Jenna! You’re here! I wanted to go to your room a while ago, but Dean told me to let you sleep. Were you sleeping?” Before I could answer him, he rushed on. “He told me you’re going to spend the day with your friend, but we’re still going to have our movie night, right? We have to have our movie night. It’s our tradition!”

“Breathe, Sam.” I chuckled. “Of course we’re having movie night. It wouldn’t be a birthday without it. Now how about you go finish brushing your teeth before you start drooling on the floor.” Content with my answer, he hurried back to the bathroom, hand cupped under his chin where toothpaste bubbles were trying to drip down.

“So,” Dean drawled, getting up off the couch. “The big 16. How’s it feel?” He walked over to stand next to me and, not for the first time, I was struck with how effortlessly gorgeous he was. His hair was tousled and still slightly damp from the shower he must have taken this morning. He wore his usual jeans, t-shirt, flannel, and boots, the amulet Sam had given him hanging around his neck, but somehow, he was the most attractive guy I had ever seen. I knew it wasn’t a biased opinion, every girl in every school always drooled after him.

“I assume it feels the same as you felt a year ago.” I replied once my brain started functioning again. “You still good to take me to meet Alyssa?” I asked.

“Sweetheart, have I ever bailed on you?” He asked, mock offended.

“Well…” I trailed off, remembering the handful of times Sam and I had been left to fend for ourselves while he was off with a girl. When I saw him looking at me expectantly, I sighed. “Not when it really counted, no.” I relented.

“Did you ask her yet?” Sam questioned, reappearing from the bathroom and heading for Dean. Dean sighed and looked at me. “Is it ok with you if Sam comes with to drop you off? I don’t know why he’s even asking. I know you don’t care, but he wouldn’t leave me alone about it this morning.”

“That’s not true!” Sam denied. “He told me I could come if you said yes, and I know you usually don’t care, but since you’re 16 today I thought you might want to talk.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Talk about what?” I asked, brow wrinkled in confusion. There’s not much Dean and I didn’t talk about in front of the kid. I don’t know why he thought there was suddenly a need for privacy or what being 16 had to do with it. “About-” he started, but then cut himself off, looking anxious. “I don’t know.” He continued, head down and shuffling his feet. “Just… being 16?”

I looked to Dean, hoping for some kind of explanation, but he just shrugged his shoulders, although he seemed a little annoyed, like he knew more than he was letting on. I wasn’t in the mood to press the issue though.

“Ok…. Well I don’t have any super-secret conversations that need to be had with your brother, so if you want to come along, that’s fine.” I assured Sam.

“Good! When are we leaving?” He asked excitedly.

“If Dean’s ready, then right now would be good.” I replied, looking to Dean. He answered by shrugging on his leather jacket, plucking the keys off the table and holding the door open for me.

With everyone piled in the car, Dean started toward the mall where I was supposed to meet Alyssa. It was a typical car ride, Sam chattering away in the back, and Dean humming along to Led Zeppelin. I told Dean where to park. Alyssa wasn’t there yet, but I was content to sit and wait with the boys.

“I thought we might have to wait until tonight to give this to you, but I’m glad we don’t have to.” Sam said excitedly, pulling a box out of his jacket pocket. “It was my idea to get this kind of present for you, but Dean helped me pick it out.” He looked to his brother with a proud smile before handing the box to me.

I was a little nervous to open it. Sam was so excited, I didn’t want to disappoint him if I didn’t like it. Although he’d never say anything, I could tell Dean was a little nervous too by the way he tensed his shoulders and bit his lip. I carefully opened the box and gasped.

Inside was a bracelet made from ribbons of silk. It was twisted around so that it looked like four different strands. The top and bottom of each ribbon was an olive green while the middle was mulberry. One of the ribbons wrapped through a gold button that was used to adjust the size. I couldn’t believe something so beautiful was for me.

“I love it!” I told them as I took it out of the box to place on my left wrist. I noticed Dean’s quiet, relieved exhale and turned to hug him. “Thank you.” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me before mumbling a quiet “You’re welcome,” into my hair.

“And thank you too!” I said, pulling away from Dean to face a fidgety, giddy looking Sam in the back. He flung his upper body over the seat to get a hug of his own. “You’re gonna have a pretty hard time topping this one.” I informed him as I sat back. Sam just grinned.

“My friend at the last school had a bracelet that she wore all the time and I asked her if that was a good idea for a 16th birthday present for you,” he explained. “She said if you like jewelry it was a good idea, and I know you like Dean's amulet, so I told him about my idea and he said we’d keep an eye out for anything you might like. There was a lot of stuff I thought you would like, but Dean kept saying they weren’t right.” I glanced at Dean and saw a slight blush gracing his freckled cheeks.

“He liked that one as soon as he saw it. I didn’t know why you’d like it any better than any of the ones I pointed out, but I know you guys know each other really well so I just told him to make sure you knew getting a bracelet was my idea.” He finished, slightly out of breath.

Before I could say anything to assure Sam I appreciated his efforts and relieve Dean of his embarrassment, there was a knock on my window. Startled, I jumped a little before facing the window where Alyssa stood waiting. Turning to look at the boys, I thanked them again for the amazing present and then opened the door to get out of the car and say hi to her. As I was closing the door, I heard Dean say my name.

“Just a second.” I said to Alyssa before opening the door again and sticking my head in. “What’s up?” I asked.

“I was just wondering when and where I should be picking you up.” He replied. “Oh, right. I didn’t even think about that.” I said, turning to Alyssa to figure out the details. “Cleary.” He teased. I looked back at him, sarcastic comment at the ready, but I saw the twinkle in his eye and knew he was just joking. I shushed him and closed the door, turning to once again face Alyssa.

“I can drive you back, it’s no problem.” She assured me.

“Are you sure? Dean doesn’t have anything else he needs to be doing, and I know he likes to do it anyway. He’s a bit protective like that. The first time he dropped Sam off at a friend’s I thought he was going to sit outside the house the whole time.” I told her, smiling at the memory.

“It’s really no problem. I don’t have any definite plans for the day so I wouldn’t know what to tell him anyway.” She said.

“Ok…” I trailed off, giving her one last chance to change her mind. She gave me a look, clearly stating that she wouldn’t so I passed the information on to Dean.

“You don’t even have a guess about when you’ll be done?” He asked. I knew he liked to have a timeline so if someone wasn’t back when they were expected he would know something was wrong. If he didn’t have any schedule to follow, he’d spend the whole time worrying, unsure if something had happened or we just weren’t done yet.

“Well I have to be back in time for movie night,” I reminded him with a wink in Sam’s direction, “so I won’t be gone any later than… say 8:30? That should give us time to watch a couple of movies before Sam passes out.”

“Yeah, ok.” Dean relented, slightly less on edge now that he had a set time. “Have fun.” He smiled. I closed the door and watched them drive off.

“Are you ready to do some shopping?” Alyssa asked with a grin.

~~~~~

“You have to have a swimsuit!” Alyssa insisted as we walked by racks of them at Kohl’s. “Not if you never go swimming, you don’t.” I countered.

“But what if you do go swimming? What are you going to wear then?” She argued. “I don’t know. I’m sure if the opportunity came up, I’d just go buy one.” I told her. “Then why not buy one now?” She asked.

“Because,” I sighed. “We move around a lot. We’re not exactly hitting up five-star hotels with pools or renting homes that have one. I think the last time I went swimming was when I was 12 and the house we were renting had a pond.”

“Ok, well I have a pool, it’s the middle of summer in Louisiana, and I might invite you over to swim sometime. Besides, I’m buying so you can’t really argue that much.” She said, flipping her strawberry blonde hair as she turned and pulled me towards the swimwear.

“That’s a nice bracelet,” she commented, looking at my wrist where I was half-heartedly searching through a rack of one-piece swimsuits. “Yeah,” I smiled. “Sam and Dean gave it to me for my birthday.”

“It’s pretty. I didn’t think boys were any good at finding decent jewelry.” She remarked as she moved on to the next rack. She didn’t like the one-pieces anyway and had only been humoring me, ironic since I was only humoring her about the swimsuits in general.

“I swear Dean has some sort of sixth sense for what people will like. Well,” I corrected, “not people. But me and Sam.”

“This one! You have to try this one!” Alyssa said excitedly, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked to where she was holding a white and blue two-piece. “I know you didn’t want a two-piece, but this isn’t a bikini. It doesn’t show much more than a one-piece would.” Seeing my hesitation, she continued. “Just try it on. If you hate it, we’ll put it back.”

“Yes!” She cheered, seeing my resignation. She handed the suit to me and led the way to the changing rooms.

It was definitely a nice-looking suit, I’d give her that much. The top piece was thick enough all the way through that there was no danger of anything showing. It had a clasp in the back and three strings to tie around my neck, two white and one robin’s egg blue. The bottom piece started like a normal bikini bottom, but thicker. Above the hips it cut in to cover only the front of my torso, leaving my back and sides exposed, and went up to the bottom of my ribs. There were three strings encircling my back, keeping the material up. It was decorated with flowers in shades of blue, and as much as I liked it – although I’d never admit it to Alyssa – I didn’t think I would be comfortable wearing it in public.

“Are you ready yet?” I heard her ask through the door.

“Kind of. I have it on, but I don’t know if I want to come out.” I admitted.

“Come on, you can’t look that bad.” She encouraged.

“It’s not that.” I told her. “I’m just not comfortable showing this much skin. I live in jeans, you know. The only reason I’m wearing shorts is because I might actually die from this heat.”

“Just come out. No one’s going to see you. I promise there’s no one else around.” She encouraged.

I sighed before opening the door and peering my head around. I was met with an unimpressed look. “Alright, I’m coming.” I relented. I stepped out of the changing stall and was greeted with a wolf whistle from Alyssa. “Cut it out!” I blushed.

“Why? You look great!” she exclaimed. “As much as I like that bracelet, it really doesn’t match the-” she cut off.

“What?” I asked nervously?

“Umm… did you find your tattoo yet?”

I was a little shocked. It was an awfully personal question to be asking someone you’d only known for a couple of weeks. “No. Why?” I asked a little defensively. She nodded toward my left side where my hand was hanging by my hip. I impulsively lifted it to my face, scanning for the name.

“Not your hand,” she said.

I slowly looked down to my left side just above my hip where, just as she said, I could see the top of thick black letters peeking over the swimsuit.

~~~~~

“Alright, right’s wrong?” Dean asked, pausing the movie. We were halfway through our second movie of the night, Mission Impossible, and while I was enjoying it, I couldn’t seem to sit still. I was sat between the two boys, Dean’s arm resting on the back of the couch behind my head, our usual seating situation on movie nights. Sam was slouched over, starting to drift off. He could never seem to stay awake for more than one movie.

“What? Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think something’s wrong?” I asked him.

“Well, you haven’t sat still for more than five minutes at a time and I can see the wheels spinning in your head. You know you can talk to me about anything right?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

“I know.” I sighed.

“Nothing happened, right? You’ve seemed a little off since you got back.” He pushed, not for the information he knew I wasn’t ready to give, but for assurance that I was alright.

“I’m fine,” I told him honestly. “It’s just… I found my tattoo while we were trying on clothes. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, figure out how I feel.” I confessed.

“Oh.” Was his only response. I could tell he wanted to press for more information, but he stayed quiet.

~~~~~

“I can’t look at it. I don’t want to know what it says. What do I do?” I asked. My breath was coming faster and I was starting to panic.

“Hey. Hey! Jenna! Look at me. Deep breath.” Alyssa calmly instructed, demonstrating and breathing with me until my breathing was back to normal. “You’re going to have to see it sometime. It’s unavoidable. Right now, it doesn’t change anything. It just gives you a name. You can do whatever you want with that name once you have it. It doesn’t decide anything for you.”

I knew she was right and steeled myself to look at it, Alyssa waiting patiently. Carefully, I pushed the swimsuit strap down just enough to reveal the name underneath.

DEAN

Ages 14 and 16 January 24, 1995

Dean’s POV

I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to find the energy to get out of bed. I heard Sam moving around, getting ready for school, but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same. I knew that by the end of the day I would have letters inked into my skin. Letters that spelled out my soulmate’s name. I had no illusions about my family’s lifestyle and what it would mean for my soulmate. It would be a bittersweet moment, finally learning her name, but knowing I could never allow myself to be with her, to put her in that kind of danger.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I rubbed my eyes before standing up and starting to get ready for the day. I had decided I wasn’t going to look for the tattoo. I would put it off for as long as I could and see it whenever I happened to stumble upon the patch of skin it showed up on.

~~~~~

It had been a pretty good morning. My anxiety had faded to the background when a smiling Jenna came into our room with bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast. It wasn’t elaborate by any means, but it was more than we usually had and the fact that she took the time to make it for us, for me, made it that much more special.

The two of them had given me the gift they picked out right away this morning when an excited Sam decided he couldn’t wait until after school. He halfway disappeared under the bed for a few seconds, wiggling his way back out with a box clutched in his hands. He proudly handed it to me and then watched in eager anticipation as I opened two new movies, Jumanji and Batman Forever.

“Now we have something to watch for movie night too!” He exclaimed. I thanked them both and then we headed to school, Jenna’s dad dropping us off.

Now I was sitting in the locker room, changing back into my regular clothes after gym class. I had opted out of a shower, not wanting to find my tattoo in this miserable place, surrounded by strangers I would have to guard my reaction around. I had my foot up on the bench I was sitting on, switching out my sweaty socks for a dry pair, lost in my thoughts when I heard someone to my left snicker and say, “Isn’t Jenna your sister?”

My head whipped around to look at Matt, the guy who had spoken. He was a sophomore like me, and while he wasn’t wildly popular, he sure thought he was something special. “What?” I snapped, confused about why he was asking about her. My protective instincts flared up. We had only been at this school for a week, but I was well aware how attractive Jenna was, and if this kid thought he was going to try something he had another thing coming. “Why?” I asked, failing to keep the suspicion out of my voice.

“Didn’t the two of you show up around the same time? And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the two of you coming to school in the same car,” he mused. “So you must be her brother. That’s gotta be pretty awkward. Unless you know another Jenna?”

“I don’t have to explain anything to you,” I snapped.

“Dude, don’t they have different last names?” Chimed in a freshman whose name I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful for or irritated by his input. “So unless they have different dads or something… I don’t think they’re related.” Irritated, I decided. He hadn’t said anything offensive, and his analysis wasn’t wrong, but I found I didn’t like the way he was obviously looking for Matt’s approval.

“Really? How do you know that?” Matt asked. Without waiting for a reply, he continued.

“Well that’s a relief. It would be pretty weird if your sister was your soulmate.” He laughed. “Too bad though,” he continued, having gained the attention of most of the locker room. “She’s not half bad looking. I might ask her out anyway, see what she really thinks about her pathetic, loser soulmate.”

I clenched my jaw. Having lived in tight quarters for years, Jenna and Sam had learned to back off at this, that it meant I was seriously pissed off. Matt had the misfortune of not knowing me so well. “Leave her alone.” I warned. I had managed to keep my temper so far, but if he actually made a move on her, all bets were off.

“Don’t worry,” Matt drawled on. “I’ll test her out for you. Let you know if she’s actually worth your ti-”

Before he even realized I was moving I had crossed the couple of steps to him, grabbed a fistful of his shirt, and shoved him back into the lockers. “I don’t know what you’re even talking about,” I seethed, “but you better stay away from her or I’ll make sure that my pathetic loser face is the last thing you see before I put you in the hospital.”

I turned away from him and, after taking a step, ducked, effectively dodging the punch I had seen him getting ready to throw. I spun back around and landed a solid punch to his face before grabbing my shoes and walking out the door. It wasn’t until I was sitting in the bleachers lacing up my boots that I saw it. Inked into the skin of my left ankle was her name.

JENNA

Chapter 2

#supernatural #spn #fanfic #soulmates #dean winchester #sam winchester #ofc #john winchester #dean winchester x ofc #dean winchester x soulmate!ofc #supernatural fanfiction #soulmate!au #so long

32 notes · View notes