#realizing they share many fears is actually one of those bonding moments | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

psychelis-new · 1 year

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pick a pile: "How do you face your fears together?"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about how you and your romantic partner or friend can work together and help each other facing your fears. romantic partner includes: current partner, future spouse/partner, destined person. i needed to add friends as well cause I feel for some of you one of them could be of help as well. thanks @ceyrann / @tuliptic for the suggestion!

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4

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pile 1

You or your person may really be an overthinker and be self judging a lot or/and fearing others' judgement. I feel it's more you and your person is gonna help you quiet your mind. You may really hear a lot of voices in your mind, especially when you start overtinking whenever something happens to you (even small things, but ofc it depends on your emotional stability: sometimes even a small thing can take up a big room and it's fne as long as you're willing to not let it take over you but realize it's not the reality of things). Your person will help you ground yourself. They will help you by not letting you overthink too much. They will keep you in the present moment, and help you see things from a different point of view. they will share with you their reality too, which won't be as twisted as yours (cause of past traumas possibly). You have probably grown up in a pretty strict environment, and had to deal with tough situations which made you lose contact with your real self worth. Your person will be able to read inside of you and guide you through it all. As said, they will ground you. It could be that also your person may occasionally end up in the same rut, despite they feel a little more healed or they are gonna take it less deeply than you when you'll be together. It seems you will help each other see the way out thanks to the love that connects you. You will hold each other hand and be together, by each other's side, when you need that the most. You will be encouraging each other. It's gonna feel safe to be open and vulnerable with the other. I am hearing "safe place", you'll br that for each other. You may also fear that someone may come in between you two or actually some people may judge you two being together (this is probably mostly your person, but it doesn't have to). I think that you will help them realize that they only have to be happy for themselves, and do what they need/want for them, and stop caring about the rest of the world and what they think or don't. People will think and judge anyway, why caring so hard? For some of you, you may fear communicating with your person or find blockages of any type (or vice versa), especially at first. But you two will be able to get over it by working together and finding common ground. I am feeling lot of love and respect and appreciation from this bond. Lot of comfort and safety too.

song: you are enough | sleeping at last

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pile 2

I feel you may have some fears similar to pile 1 of not being good enough/deserving (so if you wanna check it please do it), but also.. you really feel crashed by your fears, and these mostly regard you not being able to reach something in your life. You may feel like there are too many things coming in between you and your goals and you let all this take over you. You may feel stuck, you fear not being able to make it. Probably atm you have a lot to do that doesn't depend on your will, or are going through some big stuff... just be patient with yourself. You don't have to make it now, you have time. If right now there's something else going on, it means you need to work on that first. Your success will come. The time to succeed will come. Even if you're losing your hopes. Always believe that you will make it, but also let things develop at the right time: it doesn't have to be now, it doesn't have to be that if you're not seeing any result now you won't ever be able to make it or receive it. Take a breath. I think your person will help you by literally reaching you down the hole you dig yourself by overthinking your situation and seeing your dreams as unreachable and too high above you. Your person may literally lend you a hand and take you out of that rabbit hole, not just by supporting you but also planning with you, helping you physically with all the endeavours you have to deal with. You may also collaborate together on something, maybe an idea you had but you cannot put into practice... they will help you financially or just by supporting you emotionally and materially. They're there to help, let them know how they can do that. Speak to them. Your person seem more stable than you, despite at times they may stress over not being good enough or the "right" person to help you, but they are totally willing to work on this and help you, so they may even just try and get over this fear they have. I kinda feel that they may be able to do anything for you, you're their strenght, even if you don't see it or if you believe you're not strong: you are, you really are and it shows by how you deal with all the things you go through the way you do. You help them get over their fears just by being with them, you give them the reason to not be scared anymore (despite they at times fear losing you). And their will to help you is indeed caused by this need to give you back all you do and did, even unknowingly, for them. It seems you changed them for the better. They have someone and something to fight and live for now.

song: rain song | epik high, colde

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pile 3

This pile's fears are all about emotions. Are you scared of seeing and understand why you feel something? Are you scared of giving names to your fears and insecurities? To your emotions in general? Are you scared of loving freely? Of crying? Of feeling?... of living? It feels like you can only reach to a point and then stop cause it feels too much, too scary, too uncomfortable to reach further. I mean, it's ofc okay, you need to do this only as much as you can, but... you should try to get further, maybe? Only to know yourself a little, to understand what is blocking you and scarying you so much. You don't have to do it alone: this type of trips are tricky, they may hide lot of hidden stuff and it's good to have someone to lean on... I think your person will be this for you. They will help you deal with your emotions. They will totally "wake you up" to your emotions, to life. They seem not scared of digging down inside. But for you it's different.. you may have build up walls to protect yourself cause of past scars and traumas (maybe from your childhood too). They will help you go past them, being more you, more vulnerable. There's nothing wrong in that: it only helps you being more open and creating deeper relationships. Your person won't oblige you ofc, they will always remind you that it's your choice, that you need to decide what you want to do with yourself and your life, that the last word is yours. But I think somehow they will convince you trying to take baby steps into that direction. They'll probably be more extroverted than you, more impulsive, more open, while you're more the opposite (ofc it could be vice versa: your person being the one I just described). This person will help you realize all your boldness inside, that it is not too unsafe to let go sometimes, to live fully, to not fear consequences of actions, to... leave your mind at home? Are you really overthinking this much? :) They'll teach you how to celebrate, to feel fully everything you experience, and not close off to the beauty of it, being a positive or a negative feeling. Your person seems a bit reckless. They may not fear too much, they just wanna experience everything. You may help them gain a balance in this, to not be "too much", and just enjoy but also think about the consequences sometimes: despite it's good to just let go, at times it's also good to know when to stop, when to say "okay, now I had enough of this". I have this feeling you (and them too, probably) may be a loner and/or feel lonely, but in two different ways. I think people at times tend to leave you a little "aside" cause you may seem a bit too serious or blocked. While for them.. it's more on them, they decided to go on their path, and it's okay if others don't care too much about following them. Kinda rebel without a cause.

song: like i do | tracee ellis ross, kelvin harrison jr.

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pile 4

I think you (and your person) may need to work on intimacy. Not just the physical one (despite for many of you it's this one mostly) but the emotional one too. Being emotionally intimate means to be open and vulnerable, not just as in pile 3 but mostly as being able to talk about your darkest parts without fearing being judged (cause there's nothing to be judged for; and if someone does that, it's them projecting themselves on you, not you). As for being physically intimate, you may have past traumas or simply had experienced something that made you feel scared of being touched, not just as for 18+ things but also hugged or caressed by others. This is a scar that needs time and patience to heal. That needs you to be patient and kind with yourself. That asks you to start reconnecting with your body and giving you the physical appreciation you deserve and need. Whatever type it is. Take your time to know yourself, your body, your emotions and how they move in your body. It wasn't on you, it wasn't your fault, whatever happened (or didn't: maybe suddenly people stopped touching you or showing you physical affection. You did nothing wrong. Take time to grieve this, and remind yourself it wasn't on you: it was the other not being able to give you what you needed cause of their own emotional problems, be it just an hug when you were down). Dance, do something you enjoy (anything artistic), move, walk, exercise, paint... realize that you deserve all the intimacy you're going to experience with your person. They will be there to help you too, by working with you and your fears, taking things slow, not rushing anything: if you haven't been in a relationship before, don't worry. They will give you time to get accostumed to them and the whole thing.. it'll feel like you have a buddy, but you can also count on them being there for you and show you that you can be loved and showed this love physically too. You're not awful. You're not awful. You're beautiful. Do not close off to this. Your person will probably fear starting things too fast, of being too impulsive (they may be impulsive at times), they also need time to trust or to be intimate, so it won't be a problem cause of this too. I think you'll be able to work together and follow your own timing. You seem very connected, on the same page, and honestly... despite I am seeing you may both like to take things slow, it may even happen that, for a few, you'll feel so connected you'll jump into something immediately (and yeah again your person's fear... to let go too soon when they actually want to take their time with you, and follow you. They may be more into physical stuff than you and more used to hug and other physical displays, or they will probably be very attracted by you and need to take care of you and touch you/hug you faster than how you may feel like it's okay cause of your trauma). Just try to not be too scared and remember to talk about it all with the other. Emotional intimacy starts with communication. Take your time, nobody is rushing you two. Unless you two are willing to rush things a bit... up to you. And ofc: start slow (holding hands, a hug, a kiss on the cheek...), but start. It's the only way to get over this fear of intimacy and... being touched for something good, which you may have not experienced for a long time now.

song: wonder | shawn mendes

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rynekins · 9 months

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Once again my mind is plagued with Sideshow Bob brainrot and I must infodump about him for a bit to clear it. This is a sorta continuation of this post where I ramble about how prison warped Bob’s personality. While I often consider doing a more structured series of Sideshow Bob reviews, I have nothing concrete planned at the moment, so posts like these will remain sporadic. However, I am rather open for more discussion with those who dare ask.

The focus today is on Sideshow Bob’s defining character trait.

There are many popular labels used for Sideshow Bob that fail to paint a full picture because the very opposites of those aspects are also true to his character. Highly educated with a great capacity for idiocy. Sophisticated with bouts of unhinged rage. A mastermind whose plans never work. A murderous psychopath who’s never actually murdered anyone and has attempted to reform. A villain who has saved the day, more than once. A failure that never gives up. All of these apply but I feel he has a more comprehensive character trait. One that remains true in every appearance, exemplified in all of his actions and downfalls. Above everything else, and I say this with the utmost affection, Bob is an attention whore.

Bob needs an audience like he needs air to breathe. All the world’s a stage and he lives to perform. He's pathetically desperate for your reaction, whether it’s praise, scorn, fear, or a laugh. He’ll sing, act, tell jokes, contort his body, or share the details of his cunning scheme with you, even if it jeopardizes everything he’s worked for, in exchange for a fleeting moment of recognition.

He wants to be seen, heard, known, understood, celebrated. Don’t we all. But his craving for validation can never be satisfied, which led him down this road of suffering. In the flashback in “Brother from Another Series”, during the sidekick audition, Bob looks a bit more composed than usual.

This is the earliest moment in his life that we witness. He’s hiding all his iconic hair in a hat and presents himself with dignity and poise; is this where he gets bit by the acting bug and everything changes for him? Doubtful, since his mother is a famous actress and he probably grew up in a home that valued the arts. I think he might have been repressing a lot of his more comical tendencies at this point, then unleashed them due to an unexpected pie to the face. Bob is angry at first, but within seconds relishes having an audience’s approval. All it took was Krusty calling him a “genius” and Bob’s fate was sealed. In “Krusty Gets Busted,” it’s up to interpretation if Bob genuinely wanted to solve Bart’s problem out of the goodness in his heart, or if his ego demanded that he prove to his audience what a good role model and host he can be. In” Sideshow Bob Roberts,” he charms everyone in town with his silver tongue, but is still so insecure about how he’s perceived that he feels he has to cheat to win the election. In “Cape Feare,” Bart compliments his voice and he’s all too eager to boast his musical talent. In “Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming,” being called “smart” is enough to let his guard down.

He needs constant reassurance that he’s smart, talented, and loved. I believe that in “Black Widower”, Bob’s courting of Selma wasn’t a ruse, at least not at first. They probably had nothing in common (certainly wouldn’t bond over media taste) except that both were painfully lonely. They fell fast in what they thought was love because they showed each other the slightest bit of affection, then opened the floodgates of built up feelings that had nowhere else to go. But realizing there would always be another man in her life more important than him, MacGyver, any love Bob felt towards Selma evaporated.

Combine this pettiness with his freshly warped sense of morality courtesy of Springfield Penitentiary, and he would find this sudden violent hatred justifiable. But everything has to be a spectacle with Bob, so of course he would end things with a heckin’ fiery explosion. As we have established, Bob is prone to self-sabotage. He can be unbearably pretentious, so he struggles finding others that share his passions. But Bob isn’t a gatekeeper for these interests. He would love nothing more than to discuss art, music, literature and theater and convince others to appreciate them as well. He has a desire to teach, and finds fulfillment when he helms his own educational program with an audience willing to listen and cheer him on. He doesn’t have such luck with his peers, who tend to throw his books back at him. In the episode “The Man Who Grew Too Much”, Homer mentions Mozart’s name and you can tell Bob is ready to drop everything and gush about a special interest, but Homer then reveals that he doesn’t really care. So imagine being in an incredibly niche fandom with no one but the void to hear your headcanons or fan favorites. That’s Bob's predicament, but he’s persistent (and maniacal).

Little brother Cecil is similar, but he’s more likely to back down when the audience doesn’t indulge him.

It is left to our imagination what their childhood was like. Their mother might have encouraged them both to pursue theater, but did either of them ever feel pride in their accomplishments? Is there a reason Cecil gives up and Bob can’t be stopped? Perhaps Bob leans into the villain role because he’s convinced himself he was born for it (give him credit, he does play it cartoonishly well), but when the tables turn he’s equally as enthusiastic playing the part of a noble hero. He seems unable to turn off the dramatics either way. There have been a few moments when he admits he does not want to commit to a violent act, and you could argue it’s because deep down he knows he’s playing a character that he's taken too far and that it isn’t his true self, or maybe he's horrified his true self is a monster and he’d rather play a different character as a means to contain it (I am not referring to moments from “Day of the Jackanapes” or “The Great Louse Detective”, moreso “The Man Who Grew Too Much”, “Gone Boy”, and “Bobby It’s Cold Outside”). His instincts during these moments seem to be to run away.

But Bob can’t live secluded in his lil lighthouse forever, even if it means no one gets hurt and he would be free. Prison made him crazy. Isolation would destroy him.

#sideshow bob #the simpsons #simpsons #robert terwilliger

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acourtofthought · 3 months

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I feel like all of the archeron sisters are vulnerable on an equal level but ppl typically feel the saddest for the softest characters (so Elain in this instance) and bc our fandom can only think in extremes we have those who either: feel extremely bad for her and sympathize or those who cannot understand why she gets the most sympathy when all the sisters struggled throughout their childhood/adulthood.

For me- I wish the sisters had more emotionally vulnerable moments together bc it would give me a better understanding of their dynamic. I know sjm love found family and leaves the emotional healing up to the found family but I wish we got more than that bed scene in w&r. Maybe rn is too soon for them to be vulnerable with each other, so a lot feels semi-surface level with them.

My experience in the fandom has actually been quite opposite of Elain's character. I find most people are less understanding of her and tend to judge her more harshly because she's softer. I've seen posts saying that she should be killed off because she's boring, that she should be SA'd, that SJM no longer cares about her character, that she's undeserving of both Az and Lucien and so on. However I do agree that the sisters have not had many emotionally vulnerable moments together but I think that makes sense when all their journeys are not yet complete. The started the series with a lot of built up tension from their childhood and they had one thing after another thrown at them. Poverty, Feyre being taken to Spring, Feyre returning, Feyre leaving again to fight for Tamlin, Feyre returning as a fae and asking them to open their home to the fae that they were raised to fear, being kidnapped and thrown in the Cauldron, Elain losing her fiance, fighting in a war, seeing their father murdered, etc. There hasn't been much time for them to begin working through their complicated history with one another. We saw some vulnerability between the three sisters after Elain's kidnapping during the war but then their fathers death sent Nesta in a downward spiral. We then saw Feyre and Nesta share a moment at the end of SF but that was just the start of the new foundation their relationship stands on. And we still haven't had Elain's healing journey yet, her POV. I think for the sisters to be able to open themselves up to one another they need to first learn who they are independent of the other two. They need time and space away so they can discover exactly who they are and to give the other sisters time to realize that any preconceived notions they had may not be accurate. Feyre and Nesta did come to an understanding by the end of SF but it was within the last two chapters. Feyre and Nesta still struggle to fully grasp who Elain and so long as they think of her only as a pleasant companion or loyal like a dog (or in need of protecting), it doesn't really leave room for true sister bonding. I think when Elain has her book, we'll finally see Feyre more at peace with knowing without a doubt that her sisters are happy and cared for even if she's no longer the one in charge of that. I think when Elain has her book, Nesta will have no choice but to respect that Elain is not someone in need of her protection and Nesta can focus on herself and her future without constantly worrying about Elain. And at that point, when they have a healthier balance and respect one another as capable individuals without dragging past animosities into things, I think that's when we'll see them become sisters in the most pure sense of the word, ones who can share in those emotionally vulnerable moments.

#elain archeron #feyre archeron #nesta archeron

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itsohh · 1 year

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Hello ! Can I have a SFW headcanon or alphabet for Thermite please ? xoxo

was in the mood to write for Jordan and I've always wanted to try doing an alphabet for someone before

Thermite SFW Alphabet

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) This man is suuuppper affectionate to the max. He loves to praise and maybe throw a joke in. Loves hugs and spending time with you. He's never afraid to show affection.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) Honestly, he's a great best friend. He's pretty open to those around him. Being in his team in Rainbow forces him around you, not that he's complaining. He takes the opportunity to really bond with you and get to know you. Always one to keep the mood rather light and is extremely dependable. If you need him for anything he's always the friend who's willing to help… including situations that can get you in trouble.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) This man loves a good cuddle, he more of hangs about with his arm around you more than anything. Jordan's quick to hug especially when he's happy. If you manage to pull something off or win something he'd always going to hug you with a pat on the back. Yet he's not against quieting down and chilling. Sharing a bean bag with you partially in his lap, it's a perfect way for him to show affection.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) There are two sides to him. When he goes home he has a pretty chill typical lifestyle when he's away from the base. Perfectly fine at cooking and cleaning. He's an adult, he can adult when he tries. Makes a mean burger on the BBQ. He's a bit unsure if he will ever fully settle down with a desk job. It's something that's in the back of his mind as a 'one day' but realistically he's very aware and very expectant that one day his luck will run out. Jordan will never say it out loud but he believes he will most likely keep working until the job kills him. He's just had too many close calls to think otherwise.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) Jordan tries to do it the right way. Sits down and says it straight. Does try to soften the blow and will put it on himself. Doesn't say 'it's not you, it's me' but very on the lines. Tries to be empathic and kind about the situation. Has big sad eyes the entire time.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Jordan is fine with commitment, he's happy to get married whenever it feels natural. He loves the idea of being connected even if you don't spend all your time with him. It has a warm little spot in his heart even if the pair of you haven't actually moved in.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) When it comes to being gentle he's right in the middle. Even though he's loud and hard-hitting, he can be gentle when need be. In tender moments his face will soften up and he's almost afraid to touch you in case he will break you. There are certain levels of emotional vulnerability that he has which can often be hidden by his humourous exterior. Some matters he offers up rather freely, such as how he feels and how much he cares. Yet things such as his concerns or deeper fears he's a lot less likely to bring forth.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) His hugs are pretty frequent. Big pick-you-up hugs or hugs of relief after a mission. Jordan hugs with his entire body rather tightly and loves to just hold you there with his head on your shoulder.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Depending on the situation is how quick he is. When he realizes it he will say it quickly if he believes you feel, well, at least positively or you're in a relationship. Sometimes he's a little hesitant to let people close, even though he doesn't show this. Purely just because he's lost so many sometimes he just doesn't want to lose anymore. Jordan's sick of mourning but he doesn't want that to control his life. The good times are worth it and he's going to tell you he loves you god help him.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Jordan can get a little jealous. Never shows it though. Ultimately he trusts you and believes that you wouldn't go behind his back as he would never go behind yours. The pair of you are a team. Yet sometimes emotions can get control of him, he is never jealous of people you know rather random people. It's less that he's afraid of someone taking you away from him but more of anger on your behalf. Say someone's chatting you up at a bar, that's what makes him jealous. You're his and he doesn't want them annoying you.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Loves to kiss, his go-to right before hugs. Firm kisses on your check, against your lips

Can't get enough of your face and will pepper your face with them. He doesn't mind so much where you kiss him, it's more about the meaning to him so he loves it no matter where you kiss him so long it's him your kissing.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) Fantastic around kids, he's a fun guy and he knows how to be fun around kids but also cool enough that older kids like him as well. A lot of kids like explosives.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Aside from working, morning is one of the best times to be around him. At night he's always fiddling around with some explosive or gadget but in the morning he's still half asleep. Likes to trap you in his arms first thing and sleep in when possible. He looovves to sleep in.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) Admittedly it can be a little bit hard to get Jordan to unwind. His mind is always so active, he needs to be doing something. He needs to be doing something with his hand. So nights you can distract him but he might get a little restless if the pair of you just shove a movie on. Even just holding his hands is enough, then he can run his thumb over your knuckles.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) He's pretty open about most things except for his concerns and the more sadder side of him. Jordan's parents is something he might mention but for him to actually dive into how he feels? Probably not going to happen at least until a very long time. He barely accepts it himself let alone can talk about it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) Very hard to genuinely anger. You can rile him up a little or perhaps even annoy him but this man doesn't anger. He doesn't lose his cool. It would take something horrible for him to get truly angry.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) Tries to remember as much as he can, the small things. Sometimes he does forget certain things but he remembers some small really important matters that you assume he would have forgotten. Might forget a date or something if he's swept up with work but remembers that one super specific brand of food that has to be imported that you like.

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?) His favourite memory…Things had gone, not great. Left unconscious and rather injured, Jordan was transported to emergency care for the bullets he managed to catch in his chest. Rather lucky it managed to miss any organs but that still hadn’t changed the fact that he almost bleed to death. You had been on a mission on your own on the other side of the world. So when Jordan woke up he hadn’t expected you to be there. The unfortunately familiar scent of medicine and beeping of medical equipment wasn’t something he was new to. Right away he knew he was in the hospital and due to the lack of aching in his body, he presumed he was on some heavy painkillers.

Yet there you were, still covered in sweat and dirt from your mission, you sat in a nearby chair. Completely asleep, your head leaned against the wall while a blanket had been draped over your shoulders. As per his usual situation, he pressed the call button next to him. He was a little surprised to see Gustave eventually answer with a slightly tired but kind smile on his face. “Good to see you awake.”

“Ah, my throat feels like ass.” Jordan attempted to speak but cringed at his dry throat. “How long was I out?

“A couple of days. Do you feel any other pain or discomfort?”

“Nah, I’m fine thanks doc. How long have they been here?” He nodded to your still-sleeping form. At first, Gustave let out a small sigh, you had been rather stubborn with the situation. Gustave wanted you to go sleep in your own bed and get rest but you protested.

“The second they found out.” That sigh of annoyance turned into a small smile. You cared, Gustave admired that. It also helped that while you refused to go back to your room, you had made sure to stay out of everyone's way. “Would you like to wake them up?”

“I’ll let them rest.”

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Jordan is pretty in the middle when it comes to being protective. He likes the idea of protecting you but he knows you can look after yourself. Unless you ever indicate that you want him to he's going to be in the background. When it comes to the field he has to try to keep a level head. It is something that pains him but he's smart about his decisions. You getting injured makes him so desperately want to look after you but he won’t forsake his team. Too many people are relying on him. He feels the same about being protected, he can handle it but the thought counts. Thinks it's adorable if you get protective so long as it's not out of hand.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) If he has the time he tries a lot. Not over the top though. Jordan prefers quality time more than anything and just hanging out. So he might do something special for valentines day or something but it's going to be a more at-home dinner situation. Will take you out to do fun things on your birthday and is not objective to a surprise party if you're comfortable with that.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) Not looking after himself. He puts everyone else above himself quite often which doesn’t leave him in the best state. Jordan brushes off concern about himself until you get serious. It can be a really frustrating matter to deal with.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Not overly concerned with his appearance, sure he takes care of himself and grooms but he's not trying to be a model out here.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Jordan is his own person without you, he knows how to be rather healthy in a relationship and give you the space you need. Sure he misses you and there's a small tug on his heart when he's not around you but he's long since accepted it. So long as your happy somewhere in the world, he's happy, Jordan knows eventually you will return to him. He's happy to wait no matter how long it takes.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) One day he avoided you like the plague and when he did see you he had the saddest expression on his face. It left you rather confused but the next day he was back to his usual self. He spent that day recording a video in case something happened to him. Jordan is very aware of the life he lives and wanted to give you something for closure if he never had the opportunity to say goodbye.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) Jordan is a pretty emphatic person, he cares a lot about the people around him. Anyone whos genuinely apathetic isn’t someone he would get along with. People who are unnecessarily mean to kids also rub him the wrong way.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) This dude can fall asleep legit anywhere. Often you can find him asleep in his chair or even on the couch during a movie. When he sleeps in the bed he's a bit of a cuddler when it comes to sleeping. Might not start the night with an arm around you but it does happen during the night. If he hasn’t had a lot of sleep recently he snores but only when he's reached a deep sleep.

#r6s #r6s x reader #rainbow six siege #thermite x reader #jordan trace

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amplifyme · 8 months

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@randomfoggytiger

On Ceremony of Innocence you wrote:

Full disclosure-- I knew Vincent/Paracelsus/Anna's backstory from Nan's work and even the twist of Paracelsus's death, but this episode was so well-acted I got confused and doubted myself.

I knew you knew. But knowing it and actually seeing it play out in front of you is something else entirely. This is a banger of an episode, from start to finish, and is one I can watch over and over and never skip a single scene. One of the finest of GRRM's often superlative scripts.

More under the cut...

The opening shot of Vincent is so, so eerie (picking up from the prev ep's close, I see.)

This is so shallow of me, but I find it hard to look away from those massive hands of his. Or should I say paws?

Cathy's nightmare-- a lot to unpack: "He’s an animal-- what does that make you?” is probably why Cathy resists that aspect of Vincent the most, because their bond is a reflection of each other (Vincent staring at his reflection in the lake while her nightmare plays out, for instance) and more particularly, she fears, a reflection of herself.

That's exactly why she resists it. And by sharing that nightmare through her, Vincent now knows it too. And to him it's just one more blow proving his unhumanity, and eating away at his dream of a physical relationship with her. Because some part of Cathy knows he's not just a man, and that part of him is more Other than she's comfortable admitting to herself.

He can never escape the fact of his otherness. Can never hope for more than the life he has Below. And it is his tomb. He will live and die there, and there's nothing to be done for it.

I don't think Cathy truly, fully loved Vincent as a whole before the finale (because there was always a part that held her back unless everyone else held back from Vincent too, which summoned her "call to action" or stubborn insistence of his humanity.)

I couldn't agree more. It wasn't until then that she realized she couldn't just love the parts of him she admired and accepted as human. She would have to love all of him in order to save him.

Father's "It's been a wonderful... dream" followed by Vincent's "No Father-- this is my tomb" certainly set up for the aborted plans George R. R. Martin had for S3, as did Vincent's wandering the catacombs for answers (twisted in death, as Narcissa calls it.)

Yep, GRRM definitely threw those in to foreshadow the planned Land of the Dead trilogy in S3 that never happened.

Mouse's "he needs Catherine" practicality opposed to Father's longwinded rationalizations further emphasize how tied everyone's hands are.

Mouse is a very practical guy. 😊

Paracelsus inviting Father to 666 (you dramatic man you) and challenging Father to fire a gun in the light (oh, the drama) and overpowering him and leaving him for dead while he goes to "release" his son from the imprisonment of civilized humanity was a great crescendo (not to mention the subtle hints of sending Vincent on a paranoid quest for more answers and asking the community for weapons and flawlessly transitioning from acting like "Father" to pressuring like Paracelsus.)

You wouldn't believe how many folks (fans) didn't pick up on those clues and didn't realize it was Paracelsus and not Father until Cathy, Elliot, and Manning discovered Father in that hidden room. And Vincent didn't figure it out until the very end. Considering his powerful gift of empathy, it makes you aware of how truly messed up he was after What Rough Beast.

And then... I mean it's heart wrenching to think about all that Vincent was going through in this ep. From the moment this man who's raised him tells him that all the stories were a lie, that everything he believed about himself was a lie. That he was once, for a brief amount of time, a mother's child. But then he wasn't, he was just the result of some terrible experiment and he killed the vessel that'd given him life. And then it's just one blow after another, everything he's told pushing him closer and closer to the edge, until the final shove that unleashes the hated otherness and he guts Father. And then discovers it wasn't Father. And then, maybe worst of all, turns to find witnesses to his unspeakable act of murder. People he loves who then go on to tell him that he just did what needed to be done. How do you live with that? In Vincent's case, you don't. You decide you're just going to die instead, give in to the Beast until it kills you.

Cathy was right-- that it was a lie-- but that's not what he needed reassurance about: what if it did, what would she do? Vincent's cruel birth story, scaring Cathy and sending her away, Cathy leaving but ultimately wanting to make Paracelsus pay and inadvertently saving Father (and leading Father back down), and the two arriving in time to see the aftereffects in Father's study.

One of my favorite things to dig into with Nan was this: what on earth did Vincent and Father find to say to each other after things had settled down? Was what happened ever directly addressed? Or did they just not talk about it? And what would that do to Vincent in the long-run? I tend to think Father quickly swept it under the rug and Vincent raised no objection.

"You and Father-- you wouldn't admit the truth even if it stood right in front of you" is both right and very wrong: Cathy will deny it in the name of love, but Father does love if not embrace or accept fully that side of his son.

I mostly agree with this. But I'm not sure Father loved that aspect of Vincent. I think it frightened him. Not that you can blame him, after all.

Next!

#beauty and the beast 1987 #season 2 #ceremony of innocence #the trilogy #discussion

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oathofpromises · 1 year

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Starter call for: @lionfated

𝕳𝖔𝖜 𝖑𝖔𝖓𝖌 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖎𝖙 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝕾𝖔𝖗𝖆 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖋𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖉 𝖋��𝖔𝖒 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖑𝖉? 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞 𝖉𝖆𝖞 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖋𝖊𝖑𝖙 𝖆 𝖕𝖎𝖊𝖈𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖎𝖗 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 𝖗𝖎𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖉 𝖆𝖜𝖆𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒. The brunet had always done everything to help so many, and this was how the world repaid him. With a familiar ache in her chest, she remembered the moment they all realized something had happened. It happened in an instant, the agony that coursed through their hearts. The feeling of something slipping away, and with one look on Leon’s face, Rinoa just knew something had happened to the boy he had seemingly taken under his wing.

It was even more proof of how much the boy reminded her so much of Leon, her knight. The person she would sacrifice everything to keep safe. Not that she wanted to make him see anything like that ever again. A soft smile formed across her face, recalling how it was almost like Leon adopted Sora. He did everything right, but still blamed himself for what had happened after the final battle with Xehanort. Typical Leon. In the end, no matter how often she tried to convince him it wasn’t, the other kept saying how it was his weight to carry. The man could be so stubborn sometimes, but she knew it was all because he possessed a good heart. Even if he tried so hard to hide that fact.

All of them were trying so hard to find the boy, yet there was nothing within the span of a year. Things were starting to look down when one day they discovered the answer, or the Fairy Godmother arrived telling them that Riku, Kairi and a star in the final world were key to saving Sora. It was the first time, in months, she had seen Leon actually smile. At least around the others, he did seem happier when the two of them were together, but she figured it was because the two had known each other for years. He could be himself around Rinoa, without fear of judgement.

Yuffie eventually convinced the two to take a day to rest, it was clear neither Leon or Rinoa had gotten much sleep. Even more evident, the scar from the battle against Edea years ago still caused Leon a lot of pain.

“Leon, please sit.” Her voice was gentle, but stern as she reached down and had the other remove his jacket. Taking a moment, she leaned to give his forehead a kiss before slowly removing his shirt. Immediately, her eyes lingered on the jagged scar. Slender fingers reached up, as a green aura surround the woman’s hand. Placing it against the others' heart, trying to soothe any pain he might be feeling.

“You maybe able to hide this from the others..but I can tell with one glance in those eyes of yours” she muttered, as the memory from years ago flashed through her mind. Time seemed to slow as Edea fired a huge ice shared. There was no time for Rinoa to react as her eyes widened seeing the projectile stab through Squall’s chest.

This is my fault..

“Don’t Move.” She wasn’t sure if that sounded more like a command or suggestion but hopefully Leon wouldn’t mind her trying to tend to the wound. At least the best she could since it would never fully heal. Lips pressed against his chest, lingering against the scar, as the young woman allowed herself to sit between his legs. Fingers reached up to rest in the slightly spiky locks, the years had truly allowed Leon to grow his hair out more. Recently he did cut it slightly, but it still remained the same she had always known.

Allowing herself to trail up the scar, pressing soft pecks wherever her lips landed against the scarred tissue. It was rough, but she didn’t mind at all. After all, this was something she needed to do. Almost like she was trying to convey that she would always love him no matter what wound he sustained. There was no way anything was going to make her turn away and leave now. The two of them had been through so much together, and that kind of bond wasn’t anything the darkness could take away.

“How bad does it hurt? I can try using some more magic if that will help..” she whispered, allowing her hands to play with his hair slightly. It was hard to focus when so much time had passed that they were apart from each other. It made Rinoa think of Kairi, how similar their lives were. Two girls wanting nothing more than to have normal lives, and yet being princesses of hearts didn’t allow them to do that. Fate really seemed out of their control so often.

Leaning back down, she rested her head against Leon’s heart, taking a moment to listen to the steady heartbeat. It was a like a melody playing on loop inside her mind. The familiar warmth..it was her home. He was her sanctuary.

#Lion heart and Angel Wings(Squinoa)#A falling star fell from your heart you were in the darkness too so I stayed beside you(Lionfated)#Shooting Star( Rinoa Heartilly)#Starlight Angel(Rinoa Kh Verse)#ooc: I told you I would smack you with soft;; I hope you like this

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unravellinginyourarms · 1 year

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Demolishing The Concrete Ceiling

02.16.23 around 11:00am

On the track “The Gold” by Manchester Orchestra and Phoebe Bridgers, the singer begins the tune with the lyrics “Couldn’t really love you anymore, you’ve become my ceiling. I don’t think I love you anymore, that gold mine changed you.”

As soon as I heard this words it took me back to the last moments I shared with Oliver before our largest departure yet. After loving him, so deeply, chaotically, and erattically I had lost every ounce of love and motivation to love that I previously had. He was my ceiling. Not just any old glass ceiling, but one that was made of industrial concrete. Some people have told me that I shouldn’t feel ashamed but I can’t really help it. I’m embarrassed to know that I gave so much of my time and affection to someone who didn’t actually like me. He just enjoyed using me and getting a reaction out of me. He found the gold and that turned him into a selfish and manipulative person, he changed for the worst. In the end, I entertained him, but I never meant as much to him as he meant to me. That’s the worst. After him, I couldn’t see myself loving anyone else, not like I once did.

I know that what is done, is done. I’m not writing in hopes of changing the past or just to pity myself. I am writing this as a segue into the emotions I’ve been feeling lately.

As I’ve mentioned previously, I’ve been reading a lot of manga and this is what helped me discover the kind of love and relationship that I am seeking. Josei manga (and even shoujo) place a lot of emphasis on capturing smaller moments and magnifying them. A simple glance can take up an entire page and convey several complex feelings that occur when you look at someone that you adore. It accurately displays many of the things that I did growing up. I lied about who I had a crush on, I would secretly admire my crush in class or the hallway, I would weep about arguments that we had and promise to never speak to him again, only to end up breaking that a few days later when he approaches me and apologizes. I’d yearn, I’d fight, I’d ignore, I’d forgive. Subtle brushes against one another would cause my heart to burst and my cheeks to burn with excitement and fear.

I’ve started to outwardly declare that from now on, I will only be tolerating a gentle, sweet, innocent, passionate and pure love. That doesn’t mean there will be no desire or intimacy involved, those things are definitely a part of the equation. However, I don’t know if I want to make that the most significant part of the bond. I really want to know the joys of an intense romance. I want to know the exhilarating experience of touching someone slowly, mindfully, and observing all of the minor details of a person’s form. I want to be able to tell them what I want and be able to offer them what they want. I want to talk for hours about how we think and feel. I want to be able to stare at them forever and memorize all that I can, every chance that I get.

I want to be physically close with someone that I can trust, I want to be able to laugh about various things and make the most of an undesirable situation. I don’t ever want to feel insecure, jealous, or scared. I want to go on with my life. I want to feel the presence of another person, knowing that they will help me out when I need it. That being said, I do not wish to have a partner that undermines me and makes me feel like a damsel in distress all of the time. I want to honour all that I have become as an individual whilst nurturing the love I foster with another person.

There isn’t a single person in my life right now, that would be able to offer me any of these things. After the most recent moon in Scorpio I started to feel quite feral. It’s hard to fantasize and resolve your arousal when you cannot project these ideas onto someone you know. Simply watching strangers to get off doesn’t hit the same way that it used to. I’ve also realized that my focus has shifted from watching encounters unravel to hearing what an encounter would sound like. Greater emphasis on the sounds of movement, moaning, and speaking truly help to set the scene in my mind. It enhances imaginative erotic scenes by creating a stronger impact on the body. In my mind, I begin to feel more present in that scene, I’m more invested. It feels more real. Thus, making it easier for one to enjoy themselves, at least from my pov.

You can tell I’m touch deprived, but alas, I shouldn’t feel foolish for expressing this sentiment. This is just where I am in my life. I know that I will do my best to fight for these things in a reasonable fashion. I often pray to know a love like this, and there is a part of me that is sure it will happen, I just don’t know when. The toughest part of this whole thing is the wait.

– Isla

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studiojeon · 3 years

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use me | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. i think you can read this by itself though :)

| summary | - Jungkook was not someone to establish relationships and bonds out of interest, you knew that. Or maybe not, truth be told, he was an authentic enigma, so open yet so closed and shielded from others to see through, and that didn’t exclude you.

warnings: language (?), mentions of hook ups and situationships. mentions of emotional trauma.

contents: a compilation of moments that contributed to the growth of their relationship, jungkook is hard to read, jungkook is hard to read, jungkook is hard to read and sus. oc is kinda whipped and scared af. chaeryeong knows who you are and where you live. jk and oc are scared to let each other in. friends to lovers, idol!jungkook x student!oc.

author’s note: i hate this, but i have to get it off my chest. (the narration is off af but if i keep it in my drafts for longer this will never see the light of the day). p.s. thank u so much for the support on the last drabble <3

playlist: rain by trey songz (feat. swae lee).

words: 4.75k

“JK?” as his broad back faces you, you call out his name timidly, not missing the way he swiftly turns around as soon as he hears his name come from your lips. Hair wet and darker than usual, a very big sweat stain at the center of his hoodie. He had just gotten out of practice, you assumed.

“___?” he replied with the initials of your name as well, one of his tired grins plastered on his face, he must have been exhausted. You had caught on to him just as he walked out of the practice room in front of the elevator on your way to your office, right when you needed him, but now you weren’t so sure if it was a good idea to pester him. Even so, you didn’t know anyone else you could ask for help, aside from Linh who was currently in her own office doing other tasks you had assigned to her.

“Are you busy right now?” your eyes stare at him shyly, in hopes that he was willing to help you out, because you wanted to be around him, so maybe he could share a bit of his positive energy with you, the past week had been hellish. “Could use some help returning all those heavy stacks of paper in my office”.

“Of course! Why didn’t you give me a call earlier though? It’s pretty late” he walked by your side and you enter the elevator, beginning your adventure around the company.

Jungkook was fun. Always bubbly and reciprocative, constantly trying his best to make you laugh and make the absolute best of your situation, even if he could be a bit stubborn at times. You liked the spontaneity he provided though, the way he would switch from one topic to another and how he would make silly faces at you whenever you locked eyes.

He didn’t know, but in pure ignorance, he had just made your day ten times better.

In the past week, you had received a lot of counterarguments, one by one, on how useless your management tactics were. Granted, you hadn’t expected for your ideas to be welcomed with open arms, but at least you had hoped they would take them into consideration. You had also been assigned a team, in charge of social media management, who worked monotonously and with little to no insertion in the actual target audience… your logic was: how can you advertise products to an audience you don’t even have the mere interest to know? You had designed a strategy, presented it, and no one paid any mind to you.

But for the most part, you felt lonely. Had no one to talk to, nor go to whenever you needed your spirits to be lifted up.

Chaeryeong was busy busy with group projects and work. To the extent where she would get up at seven in the morning and come back at 12 pm. It wasn’t always like that, so you didn’t worry too much, but the fear she would wear herself off like usual still crowded your mind.

You close your office door with a sigh. Tired from everything, but somehow, your heart a little fuller, knowing that maybe you could use Jungkook in the future to give you a lift. Both figuratively and literally because he had offered to drive you home, being the gentleman he was.

“Why do you look like a sad puppy?” he asked you once you were sitting by his side in his very expensive and luxurious mercedes. Tinted windows and jet black shiny paint covered the outside of his car, the smell of air refresher and pinecone filling the inside. Mans was getting hotter by the minute.

“It’s friday night after the longest week of work. How can I not?” you put on your seat belt and lean back against the leather cushions. He pouts in response to you, with a concerned look on his face.

For a second you wonder if he did this with most coworkers… being nice to them and offering them drives after having met them just a few times before. Kinda risky behviour, considering his position and squeaky clean reputation. You figure this would only last a bit before he realized he had more important things to be focusing on.

“Do you ever get chased home?” you ask randomly.

With one hand on the wheel and the other leaned against his door he meditated on his response. “It happened once… And then I moved out, got a new car and everything. Shit was wild” he chuckles and you think that was the first time you had heard him curse, like ever. Jungkook, friendly and everything, wasn’t too big of a talker, but with you he found himself spilling, without giving it much thought. It felt refreshing to hear his voice and listen to his stories and the way he expressed himself. He was more interesting than he seemed, apparently. “Aren’t you hungry, by the way? We can have something to eat before i drop you off”

Traffic was hellish in Seoul everyday at every hour, and choosing to drive through Itaewon on a friday night wasn’t the smartest decision on Jungkook’s behalf, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him that. Considering the demands of his job, he probably didn’t know his way around the city that well. You conclude taking a detour wouldn’t hurt. “I’m starving actually.”

He ends up taking you to a restaurant near your neighborhood you had mentioned being good and not crowded at all, the latter catching his attention immediately. It was a modest but nice place owned by a very funny and loud ahjussi. The man had lost count of how many times you had come down from your apartment at 11 pm and asked him to make you vegetarian tteokguk, but they were enough so that he could memorize your five orders by heart and the amount of saewoo mandu you could down by yourself in five minutes. You were making him rich at that point so the least he could do was comply when you gently asked him to shut the place down for you. Jungkook hadn’t asked you, but you knew how things could get awkward and dangerous quickly if too many people found out about him being there. “Ahjussi, you don’t have to” the boy protested as he noticed that the man had shut the blinds for him.

“It’s okay, boy. _____ has been single handedly paying the remnants of my mortgage for over a year now, I don't mind doing this for her.” he joked in his usual nature. already writing down your order and patiently waiting for Jungkook in front of you to voice out what he wanted for a meal. “And well, you and your friends are making our country proud, it’s the least i can do to thank you”

“Ah, thank you.” Jungkook bows to the older man. Your heart softened in your chest, seeing how considerate he was towards other people. He must be great with parents, you think. “Do you really not get that many people around here?” he asked worriedly once he sat back down on the wooden chair.

“We do! But she’s the one who comes the most often” he nods toward you and Jungkook smiles once he found your gaze, a glint of playfulness in his eyes.

“Can you recommend me anything, miss?”

“Of course, sir. Yeol-ah, double up my order. Drinks are on me today.” You yell at the man’s son in the kitchen, who was still a bit older than you, but also close to enough to let you order him around shamelessly. You knew him quite well, actually. He was Chaeryeong’s boyfriend after all.

The tall boy pokes his head out of the kitchen door with a very confused expression plastered on his face. “Aren’t we supposed to close in like, an hour?” Chanyeol asks his dad in front of you.

“Just go cook, I'll explain later”.

The two men go back into the kitchen and Jungkook looks at you with an amused expression on his face. “What was that?” he laughs.

��I’m very popular, you know?” it probably wasn’t a good idea to go there, but you felt a little drunk on his voice that night, and you also knew your friend didn’t mind. “In fact, Chaereyong from ITZY is my best friend, who would have guessed?”

“Yeah and my son is her boyfriend, who cares?” Byung-ho yells back at you from the cashier, pulling a hiss from your lips.

Jungkook still continued to stare at the both of you with confusion and intrigue, you guess he thought you were both joking.

“Wait, really?” he utters after a few seconds with big doe eyes and a pout on his lips, a combination that appeared when he was either confused or lying, which wasn’t the case then.

“Yes, my guy.” you laugh. “That juicy legged shortie is indeed my wife”

Jungkook loved the food, to say the least. It was all vegetarian and korean as fuck, a combination he never throught was possible, but downed like thristy camel. He was a loud eater, which was fitting of him and his politeness, something else you had noticed that night. You were the opposite, and actually despised the sounds of other people eating, yet, looking at him enjoying his meal so much made you feel full yourself. He made you feel like a kid in some ways too, brought back the times when being around others wasn’t so hard, and you still could have a sense of security around you. Talking to him was rather easy, maybe because of his welcoming nature, or because in fact he actually was interested in whatever stupid shit you were saying, something most people around you didn’t do. He also, amongst other things, seemed very interested in your job and the likes, always asking questions and absorbing information like a five year old. You had explained to him the five key steps of process design and the psychological effects on marketing in society to which he always responded with wide gentle eyes and attentive nods, not once looking bored or… annoyed in any way.

Was he like that, with every girl? Because you weren’t anything special, there were many other girls who worked with him everyday and even if you hadn’t seen him in his work space, you could guess by the way most women in your company look at him whenever he passes by that either they were just as captivated as you by his beauty or that he had fucked them. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was just trying to get into your pants either, it wouldn’t be the first time it happened to you nonetheless.

“I can walk from here, JK” you mention once you found yourselves walking towards the parking lot. A bit sad about the expense you had just made on food, it was your fault for trying to seem cool and rich, neither of which you were.

“Oh no, I’m not letting you do that, girlie” he unlocks the door and gets in, not even letting you finish or allowing you to fight back.

“My apartment is literally a block away” you protest in the car anyways. You fear you had been too much of a bother, and deep down, didn’t want him to feel like you were seeking his presence unnecessarily.

“Well, good for you. But, you paid for the food, which was a lot, and i don’t want my sugar mommy walking by herself at 12 pm on a friday night” you first freeze, and then burst a very loud giggle.

“Whatever” you slap his bicep and roll your eyes. “ Next time you can pay if it bothers you so much.”

“So there will be a next time?” wide eyes stare back at you. “Count me in. I´ll pick where we will be going, just lemme know when so i can plan ahead” he rambles, a little too excited about your suggestion.

He drops you off with a smile on his face and hopefulness in his eyes, promising to see you around the company. You, on the other hand, feel a tad confused as you enter your apartment building. What was going on?

You had overthought things so much your entire life that it suddenly became too tiring to do. During the past few years you had to learn how to detach yourself and just ride the wave sometimes. Once you had turned eighteen, everything started moving at a very fast pace, the pressure of adulthood fell upon you like a brick and everything was so overwhelming that you started to simply let the course of your existence take you wherever it needed to.

That’s how you ended up going out with Jungkook at least once a week for dinner or a drive around the city for more than two months. Without even noticing, he became so engraved in your everyday life that whenever he’d cancel plans because of work, you’d find yourself with a void in your heart and a rush of boredom filling your senses. Even if you found yourself in your living room with the company of your best friend whom you had seen at most four times in the past two months, you were still wishing you could share that intimate space with him instead, willing to let him a bit more into your life, in hopes that maybe he would do the same. Sue you, you were curious over the most intricate details about his personality, how his personal sanctuary looked and if the smell of his room is just as good as his car’s. You could bet a thousand dollars (maybe a little less, considering the unconventionalism that characterizes him) that he also had a few plants that only remembered to water three out of seven days of the week.

Hopefully life would draw you closer to more people like him.

"How's your boyfriend doing?" Chaeryeong asks you from the kitchen counter, sweet popcorn cooking in you popcorn-maker.

You sigh. "What boyfriend?"

She was a lot of things but oblivious, and you weren't either, just when you chose to be. "Cut the bullshit, you know who i'm talking about". The fake red head waits for your response as she pours the snack into a big bowl, and you on the other hand take this as an advange to search around the room for answers.

"He's just a friend" you say. "And he's fine, i guess… He doesn't really talk much about himself" you mention, matter of factly.

Chaeryeong nods beside you, understanding what you meant. Then, proceeds to tell a tale about her experience meeting the dark haired boy. "He's literally so quiet, but like, so incredibly kind. Once he tripped over and fucked up some of the decoration at an award show" she grabs a popcorn and continues her story. "He looked so panicked I thought his eyes were about to jump out their sockets — His eyes are huge, by the way."

"I know" you smile.

"My point is, he started to help the staff put everything back in order again. I think he's the only idol I've ever seen do something like that… i decided i liked him then" her beautiful features light up with mischief. "I bet he fucks great too."

You slap her leg. Hard.

"I'm only telling you this now so you don't get caught of guard when he actually manages to fuck you," her soft hands run through your messy hair, motherly touches easing the fluster in your body. "You know he's a big whore, right?" She adds after a while.

You didn't. According to Chaeryeong, who seemed to keep tabs on every single colleague of hers, Jungkook had quite the body count, not that you didn't have your suspicions before. Frankly, she only knew of two girls inside her company who had had some sort of situationship with him, but for the same reason, she also knew he had some history with other girls from different groups. "Yikes" you laugh nervously, in admiration of their ability to remain calm and collected without giving anything away to the public.

Thanks to your friend, you had heard lots of tea about other singers in the korean industry before, most of which were not as sweet or kind as they portrayed themselves to be, some even using their social status to get their way with girls. But for some reason, Jungkook had never made his way to your gossipping sessions, nor any other of his band mates (except for Jimin, who, if you remember correctly, used to have some sort of beef with one of Chaeryeong's company members). You guess it was because of his unproblematic nature that people chose to give him a pass for his sexual endeavors, not that they were of anyone's concern either.

A knock is heard against your office door. "Miss _____?" A girl with a brown bob cut pokes her head through it, the dim lights of your office shining upon her incredibly healthy locks. "Jungkook asked me to deliver this to you" sliding completely into the room, she places a box with a note on it on your desk.

"Thank you so much" you wave her off as she walks right out.

The package had a strawberry flavored canned tea and a bento box inside.

"I remember you telling me you'd never tried tofu pancakes before, so I made some for you last night. Hope you enjoy! - JK

P.S. Text me when you're done, maybe we can hang out tonight."

You felt like crying, in all honesty. The pancakes were heavenly, and he even added some slices of avocado and a few scoops of rice for you, despite not being the biggest fan of the fruit himself. With a warm heart and relief washing over your body because you wouldn't have to waste money on lunch that day, you had had half of your meal before said boy gave you a call.

"Did you like them?" He said almost immediately. "My assistant told me she already delivered them to you" he adds in a rush.

"Jesus boy, calm down." You giggle at his excitement. "Let me eat in peace".

"No, tell me right now." he demands with a fake angry voice. Cutie.

"They're alright".

"Figured… you have no sense of taste anyways" the hangs up. A giggle escapes your lips. Boy was something else.

Later that day, the weekend started it's course. Jungkook had offered to drive you to the Han River, careful to mention the fact he prepared a bunch of snacks for you two just about five times during your call. The place was almost empty, given that the rest of the city was doing something else more fun than staring at the night sky while sitting on itchy grass. Yet, you wouldn't change the setting for anything else. Usually, when you and Jungkook were out, he'd be in silent wary of your surroundings and the people who could be watching you. It broke your heart, knowing that most of the time he couldn't frequent places most regular people had the pleasure of enjoying, like the movies, for example, or a food stand in the middle of the street. Still, in that moment, the handsome man in front of you seemed as relaxed as ever, munching on grapes and strawberries as he sat in silence beside you.

"This blanket is so soft, isn't it?" he commented all of a sudden, caressing the fabric with his hand. The thing was made out of polar fleece, no shit. You just nodded and grabbed a piece of fruit from his container. "One of my friends gifted it to me on my birthday" he adds.

"I know. It was me".

"Well, maybe you do have a sense of taste after all" he complies as he lays down on the surface, eyes facing the night sky above you.

"Says the one who uses toe socks" you say back, poking his weak spot.

Instead of going back and forth with you as he usually would, he just winks and closes his eyes. He looked so peaceful and serene beneath you, features carefully carved on his face and slightly blushed cheeks from the cold wind. Jungkook was like that, randomly over confident and flirty with you, but just as quickly would refrain from even disagreeing with you in the first place, scared that you would snap at him. He hadn't told you this, but the way you saw thoughts hidden in his eyes whenever you made a statement let you know his true intentions, leaving you to wonder where that came from.

"Are you tired?" You ask after a few minutes. Still with his eyes closed, Jungkook denies.

"I just don't want to look at you right now," he turns to the side, back facing you as an offended expression finds its way to your face.

"Yah" you slap his back playfully, not letting him finish.

"Because you look too pretty." he mumbles the remnants of his statement.

Your breath catches in your throat as a shiver climbs its way down your spine. Why was he like that? He had no right tugging on your heart strings like that (if he was being serious in the first place because you never knew with him). You sigh, the blush his words provoked stinging your cheeks.

"You're supposed to say I'm pretty too" he turns around with a playful smile, expectant.

"You just go around giving compliments so you can get them back?" you hiss. "Why so insecure?"

"I'm not insecure, at all." He sits up again, ready to fight you and anyone who dares question the grandiosity of the confidence he had worked so hard for. "You can ask Linh about that".

To say you looked horrified was an understatement, hopeful that what you thought he meant was not it. "You fucked Linh?"

"Well, that's not for you to know".

What a gentleman, you think. And at the same time, ouch. He had just slammed a door on your face.

"That would explain the way she looks at you whenever you come by the office" you realize. Frankly, the girl looked a bit too panicked whenever Jungkook decided to barge into your space, usually bored out of his mind during his english lessons, laptop and notebook in hand, or struggling to get the questions right.

"Well good afternoon to you too" you ironically greeted once he sat in front of you, frustration written on his face. Linh, who stood by your side, suddenly fidgeting with the papers in her hand.

"Not the time, _____" he slammed both hands on your desk, startling you and your friend beside you. "Why the fuck did you make me enroll into this in the first place?"

"I did not make you do anything, dude. I just gave you an idea" you excused yourself, eyes back on your computer. You didn't miss the way Jungkook's eyes briefly followed Linh out the room, though.

His eyes looked back at you, leg bouncing impatiently on the floor as he leaned back with a pissed off expression on his face. You'd never seen him this way, so you took that as a cue to enter under paid therapist mode. "What's wrong?" You questioned gently.

"I feel incredibly incompetent right now." His hands roamed across his face with frustration. A sigh escaped his lips as he held tears back. "School's always been this way for me, always trying my best and constantly underachieving" he explained.

He was obsessed with winning, you’d even go as far to say more than he was with his job (which was a lot). It didn’t root from narcissistic behaviour though, but rather out of external pressure to constantly overachieve and exceed expectations. He was mostly good at doing that, but everyone had an achilles heel, yours was reading for example, his was studying and school.

"Jungkook, you passed most of your classes with more than 90%, what are you talking about?" a fact he had brought up to you randomly when you mentioned absolutely nearly failing most of your literature classes.

"Yeah, except for English." he shook his head in the way he would when he'd feel conflicted or insecure. "I don't know what i'm doing wrong".

"Did you fail something?" you tried to get some more insight into the situation, still unsure of where all his worries came from.

"No, there's just this sentence I can't properly put together" he turned his notebook towards you. "Ah, just look"

There were some words he had to conjugate and properly place in order to form a grammatically correct sentence, more than five attempts written in neat penmanship on the page evidenced the boy's battle with the assignment. He missed one very important aspect of it, though. "There's a fucking word that's missing, dude" you explain, grabbing the pen from his hand and showing him where the mistake was. "It's not your fault, it's the teacher's".

Jungkook's serious expression didn't go away though. "Well, damn".

You had some sort of emotional trauma with having people ask you for help, it made you think that they didn’t actually care for you as a person but rather just your skills. That was the way you’d grown up and what your position in society seemed to be as well, the one you could butter up and taste when you got bored. Heart had been broken many times too, whenever you’d realize what you thought to be a genuine connection was merely pure interest. Those thoughts clouded your head when Jungkook would randomly enter your office with a frustrated expression on his face, yet, that occurred less often than it didn’t.

Jungkook was not someone to establish relationships and bonds out of interest, you knew that. Or maybe not, truth be told, he was an authentic enigma, so open yet so closed and shielded from others to see through, and that didn’t exclude you most of the time, hence your wish for him to let you in a bit more before you could allow yourself to free fall into whatever was going on between you both.

You reach for the fabric of his hoodie, tugging his sleeve with your fingers just because you really liked the color of it, and maybe because you wanted to feel closer to him. He doesn’t react to your touch, just looks at your hands briefly as they play with the edges of his clothing. “Where did you get this from?”

“An online store, I think.” he replies softly, reaching for your hand on his arm, caressing the surface of your nails. “It’s a unisex brand, i can send you their link afterwards.”

“Is it too expensive?” you inquire, not only to keep the moment afloat, but because you genuinely liked most of his pieces of clothing, especially his hoodies and shoes. Jungkook laughs at your question and looks at you with a smile.

“I don’t think i would know, ____. I’m rich.” he says, playfully. And he was right, what was expensive for you might just be cheap as fuck for him, you wonder if when a lot of money is in your hands you start to become very tuned out from what’s affordable or not anymore.

“True.”

“I can buy you one, though. I don’t mind.” he adds. Soft look in his eyes, a pure and genuine offer that you had to deny.

“I didn’t say i wanted one” you lie, only partially, because although you’d not mentioned it, you did actually want it. “I just think it’s pretty” you finally let go of him.

“Or do you think I look pretty in it?” he pushes, a sucker for compliments.

“Yeah, that might be it.” you admit, because there was no point in denying your irrefutable attraction to the man, as much as you hated to be vulnerable, especially in front of him.

“I think it would look prettier on you”.

Don´t copy or repost please. by studiojeon on tumblr.

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redphlox · 3 years

Text

Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

#dabi #touya todoroki #toya todoroki #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #bnha #bnha meta #my meta #endeavor

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morsking · 3 years

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is shirou a mary sue? the guy is universally well liked, cooks like a pro at 17, has the most op power from all fate (and arguably one of the most cool powers on media), nothing ever happens to him on the true/canon path of each route, he does many stupid things but no one cares 5 minutes later, other times like in salter vs rider he is just a tactical genius out of nowhere

he is not.

shirou is well-liked but he isn't particularly popular. he is known at school for being helpful and handy but otherwise not that many people are aching to get to know him or involve him in their lives. most people only know shirou very superficially. he is not sought after as a person, only as a handy man. there's a really neat scene at the beginning of hf1 where people are talking about shirou in the dojo and see that while he's earnest, hard-working, and talented, he's a bit odd and intense and that makes him a little difficult to approach casually. the only people who really like him are those who sit down and actually spend time with him. apart from the heroines of the story with whom he has time to develop a romantic bond, you don't see other girls falling head over heels for him. in fact, in hollow ataraxia the homurahara trio and mitsuzuri are quick to write him off as someone they are vehemently not interested in romantically whatsoever.

he only cooks like a pro because he had to teach himself to cook since he was 8. it's vital to understand that since kiritsugu became increasingly disabled and was utterly incapable of living as a normal human being, shirou was forced to grow up well before he was ready to take care of his adoptive father. he learned to cook, do the dishes, do the laundry, and clean the house because there were no other real adults in the house. shirou's domestic usefulness didn't come out of nowhere, it's a set of skills he took on out of necessity and came at the expense of his emotional growth.

shirou's power also isn't op. it's stated multiple times in the story how difficult it is for him to tap into it. he's not a natural mage with strong magical circuits, and neither does he have any real "useful" magical alignments that would make it easy for him to use conventional magecraft. every training session shirou has is a life-threatening act where he pushes his body and mind to the utmost limit for the low chance he might succeed at strengthening or projecting something. whenever he grabs hold of an ability that elevates his combat skills, it's either a) done with saber's help in the fate route, b) acquired as his soul inherits experience from his proximity to archer in ubw and receiving mana from rin, or c) obtained at the expense of the integrity of his mind and body as archer's arm starts to supplant his existence in heaven's feel. and even then, there's limits to what he can trace and project. he can't trace divine constructs normally as seen with ea, and his projections eat through his mana. think about what happens in heaven's feel too. every time he projects something with archer's arm he leaps closer to death because he can't handle the strain.

to say nothing ever happens to him in canon is also disingenuous. he doesn't die in a permanent sense, but take a moment to consider the amount of mental and physical pain he suffers that forces him to confront something about himself and change. did "nothing" happen when he faced gilgamesh and heracles with saber? is growing closer to her to find the best way to help her assert her personhood "nothing"? did "nothing" happen when he fought archer? is realizing the truth of your ideals and grasping the resolve to realize them anyway in a healthier and more self-aware manner "nothing"? did "nothing" happen when he fought heracles, saber alter, and kotomine? is saving your loved ones and claiming your life as your own after years of not seeing yourself as a human being to protect those dear to you so they too learn to love and accept themselves "nothing"?

take a moment to consider in what ways shirou is stupid that aren't contradicted by him being smart in others. shirou is socially inept and utterly incapable of asking for help because he is a traumatized teenager who doesn't know what a normal life is. he has few friends. he survived a fire. he is constantly trying to make up for being unable to rescue anyone in the calamity that destroyed his childhood. he constantly jumps in front of danger to save others for that very reason and refuses help because he doesn't want others to get hurt because of him until he learns to overcome that fear of being destroyed and seeing others be destroyed. he is dumb at being a person because he's never let himself be one. he is smart in a fight because he's at least been able to process his stress and trauma in a way that helps him rationalize his way out of a crisis.

i feel the need to stress that a protagonist having special qualities fit for the narrative isn't them being a mary sue. it's them simply being a main character with agency, a main character that is engaging and interesting. how boring do you think shirou and the story would be if he was really a shit-ass mcnobody with no talents, personality, qualities, or meaningful connections to the setting? he'd be no different from every other harem protag the cishet male audience can use as a self-insert. he is supposed to subvert ideas of masculinity by being domestic. he challenges conventional ideas of heroism by showing how his ideals are flawed and how important it is that he self-actualize.

shirou faces consequences for his inaction and inexperience multiple times too. saber gets frustrated because he won't (tell her why he really won't) fight and that causes a rift in their relationship he must fix with honesty and mutual understanding. shirou's inability to protect himself from hypnotic suggestion gets him kidnapped by caster and forces archer to rescue him, and in turn their shared stubbornness elevates their conflict to deadly levels until they're forced to fight to work out their differences. heaven's feel shows you how his unwillingness to forsake who he is to properly scold sakura and save her makes the situation worse when sakura loses faith that shirou will keep his promise to her until he decides he will fulfill it for both their sakes. people do care! saber cares when her master doesn't see eye to eye with her! rin cares that shirou is too willing to throw away his own life for others! archer cares that he is at risk of becoming that which archer can't forgive himself for being! sakura cares because seeing the man she loves come home bruised and bloodied every night is wrong! illya cares because he is her only true family! rider cares because if shirou can't be sakura's ally then she's as good as dead! everyone cares because shirou has to learn to care too, and he does!

i'm going to ask you to try to engage with media without trying to uncover flaws under rigid standards like this because all it does is keep you from properly understanding what is being shown to you. you cannot hope to judge a story and its characters for all their flaws or merits if this is how you approach things.

#long post

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dodo-begone · 3 years

Text

The Mistake has Arrived

Pairing: Yan!DSMP!Techno, Yan!Ranbob!, Yan!Ranbutler x Reader

Request: Do you do continuations? If so could you make a part 2 with for the "mistakes were made" (aka the pregnancy one)? Like how they would act when the child is like actually born and causing mischief?? Please and thank you!

Summary: It seems that, after the baby arrives, things seem to change. It's hard to describe because things didn't change much yet at the same time managed to be the complete opposite of what they were before. Or maybe you hadn't noticed these things before. Who knows.

Word count: 2.1k

Warning: yandere, nsfw joke at the end of Ranbob’s section

Part 1 | Mistakes were Made

If this ever looks wonky/glitched, I have this properly archived on Ao3

A/n: the first part was implied AFAB reader because of pregnancy- and it probably still is but pregnancy is barely mentioned in this.

Techno

So remember when this man was absolutely terrified for you and the baby? Yeah that doesn’t get alleviated. If anything, that fear gets worse.

You holding the child, the perfect combination of you two, makes him truly realize how fragile the baby is. Like hello? This thing is his? And so tiny? Like a potato, a large one at that but still a potato?

Potatoes are fragile. Babies are fragile. Baby is like a potato, which makes them ultra fragile- oh NO.

Let’s get this straight; Techno is the infamous blood god. This huge hulking piglin hybrid who can easily kill anyone in arm’s reach. And then you got this tiny defenceless baby that is related to him? Like he knows how this thing works but it just feels surreal.

This anxiety feeds his distaste for holding his own child. He’s a monster and that’s a sweet innocent baby. He is going to severely harm the baby by even holding it. You never know what could happen- plus you need some mother-child bonding. It’s very important. Yes you may have been carrying that baby for 9 months but some more physical touch goes a long way. It grounds it more into reality for you. Yeah, that’s totally the reason.

The behavior can only last so long though. Eventually Techno would have to bond with his kid, hold his kid. You were getting fed up with how long he was taking. His anxiety over the situation was obvious and you were giving him space. So you did, but it’s been months and he still refuses to even touch them. His avoidance is annoying and it has to come to an end. And you will make sure it will.

One day, while he was relaxing and reading, you gently plop the baby onto Techno and go do some household chores that are usually hard when you have to keep an eye and ear out for the kid at every second.

Techno and the kid have a shared moment of “wtf” because the baby saw this thing before but he never touched it before. And they were left on it? By mother? Techno is internally freaking out while this baby tries to crawl on him. Really they’re just pulling at his hair and clothing. Anything they can get their grubby little hands onto. And gum on whatever they can get into their mouth. Oh god, this is going to be a long… period of time. He doesn’t really know when you’ll come back for them but he hopes it’s soon.

It’s safe to say that you did not come to Techno’s rescue in a swift manner. You made sure to take your time doing everything that couldn’t be properly done. Like cleaning or cooking a proper meal. Cooking had been left up to Techno mostly, and you really appreciated that he took that up and made good food but someone can only handle potato based dishes for so long. It was about time that something else was made. The potatoes needed a break.

When you come back to Techno and the baby, you’re so pleased to see that they’re having a little bonding moment. The baby was calm and Techno was finally relaxed in what felt like a century. Everything was perfect.

Techno was reading Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and your sweet baby child had long dozed off in his arms. Techno either didn’t notice or didn’t care and kept reading aloud, though it was mostly likely that he wanted to start education young. Even in their sleep. He started the education process already, in a way, by reading The Art of War to your pregnant stomach for months on end. You’d long grown tired of it, but the sight and sound of Techno reading still warmed your heart.

Ranbob

Nothing changes on his knowledge of babies. Not much, anyways. Some of the information he knows on babies came directly from you. The rest came from books found around Mizu.

In theory, he knows what to do. He read up on everything he’d need to know, after all. But in practice, it’s a whole different story. Anxiety occasionally comes to haunt him but he easily waves it off. He knows what he’s doing.

When Mizu was still populated, he observed the lives of others. There wasn’t much to do besides that. Children weren’t an uncommon sight. But babies? Now that wasn’t a common sight. Not many people brought their babies out. Nor were there many.

It’s understandable for him to not know exactly how to raise a baby. Unless you raised or helped to raise a baby, you aren’t exactly well versed in baby and are therefore slightly unprepared for said baby.

Though compared to children, he’s actually more prepared to care for the baby since there were so many books about baby care and stuff they’d need. Children are a whole different beast.

With children, it’s a more individual case-to-case deal. There aren’t any parenting guides on children. Well, there are. Though they all differ from each other. Each book has its own descriptions on why a behavior is happening and how to handle or fix it. So many differing opinions that overlapped were overwhelming. Ranbob soon came to the conclusion that childcare is more interpretive. Based on the child’s personality.

That’s way in the future though. Now he has to deal with a baby. A fragile little thing. It’s perfect in every way.

Now his anxiety starts to get the better of him. He’s so much bigger than it, much stronger. The baby is completely at his mercy and he is anxious that something bad may happen to it. Realistically, though, nothing bad is going to happen to his little family.

Once he holds the baby for the first time, all previous anxiety is taken by the wind. All that remains is absolute adoration. This leads to him caring for the baby almost entirely. Or when it’s least convenient for you, that is.

Like when your babe cries late into the night. Witching hour cries. Everytime without fail, he’d awaken and swiftly make his way to the nursery. All in an attempt to allow you to sleep. You’ve already done so much work to make the child. The least he could do was wake up and care for them. Plus you still looked so tired.

Although Ranbob was tired when morning came, it didn’t matter when you came out well rested. Or much better than the day before. Each day was a slight victory in his books. He only wanted the best for you, anyways. If sacrificing a few hours of sleep meant that you’d sleep better, then so be it.

He views your child as a blessing from Dream himself. A symbol of the union between you two. Just absolute perfection. Oh how lucky he is to have you and especially fortunate to have a child with you. His god has seen his hard work and has gifted him with so much more than he deserved. But he’d take it all the same.

If you two “accidently” had another kid, he’d be more than happy. Yes, he’s content and happy with the child you two already have. His life is perfect now. But if another addition just happened to come along? Well who is he to deny his god’s will?

aka he wants to weaken his pullout game to have another kid with you. One kid is enough but two? Oh that’d be swell!

Ranbutler

Compared to the previous two, Ranbutler’s reaction to the baby’s arrival would be labeled as “different”. Techno feared for his child, Ranbob was anxious, but Ranbutler? This man is ecstatic! Oh my gosh you two finally have a kid. Isn’t this just great?

His excitement level is astronomical. Come on, this man literally acts like this baby is going to achieve world wide peace or something. Like Jesus Christ incarnated. That’s the level of excitement he’s at.

Right from the get-go, Ranbutler is almost desperate in his attempts to hold the baby. Please? Pretty please? Why can’t he hold your baby? Our baby? Though as… desperate as he is to hold his child, he doesn’t want to disturb important mother-child bonding. Even if you carried them for around nine months, it’s still vital that you actually bond to your baby. Skin-to-skin early on is important.

At the next available time, most likely when you’re asleep or on the verge of sleeping, he’ll gently remove the child from atop your chest. Of course he’d go to the next comfiest and secure place he can and allow for some skin-to-skin between him and the baby.

According to some studies, skin contact with a baby supposedly “awakens” maternal or paternal and he was more than happy to test that out. If it worked? Then that’s great! If it didn’t work? What was the harm? It’s all good in the end.

Because of the nature of his job, you often don’t see him during the day. Both a blessing and a curse. This leaves you alone to care for the baby until he comes back. Even then, it wasn’t a guarantee that he’d help. That’s what you thought, at least.

No matter how exhausted he was or how irate he was from Billiam, the sight of your and the baby always made everything right in the world. All problems just dissolved away, becoming unimportant whispers of responsibilities.

Responsibilities that seemed to come from a whole different reality. Here, at home, the mess that’s Billiam doesn’t exist. Won’t ever affect his lovely little world.

Sometimes he comes home extremely late. So late that you already went to sleep, along with the baby. Occasionally you would try to stay up for him to come home. You were laying on the couch with the baby on your chest, what else was he to presume? That was obviously what you were doing, right?

On those nights, he would sit by you and just watch. Basking in the calm energy you exude. Even without talking to him, you always had a way of calming him down. Of making him feel loved and appreciated.

He would also take care of the baby's needs at night. With his occupation as Billiam’s servant, it really wasn’t the best idea, but he assured you that he would be fine. After all, he couldn’t bond with the baby during the day, so that only left the night. Even if it was menial tasks, he found solace in the presence of the family he was creating,

A question that kept reappearing was how he managed to get such a wonderful partner. One so willing to have a child with him. Deep down, he knew the actual answer, but it was hidden under so many layers of delusions that it’d be better and easier not to deal with that mess.

Now that you had the baby to care for, he was much more willing to leave you alone while he went to work. Yes, sometimes he still brought you into the room with The Egg. But that was only because you seemed stressed the day, night, or morning before he left.

How could he just leave his precious to flounder around so helplessly? A baby can easily be overwhelming. The Egg was more than willing to help you.

The kid, although a beautiful culmination of the love between the two of you, also symbolized another thing. They were a shackle, keeping you tethered to him.

There was no way you’d be able or wish to escape in such a fragile condition. Especially with the baby. How could you risk the life of something so innocent? Of something that did absolutely nothing wrong besides existing. You wouldn’t be such a horrible monster, would you? No, he knows you. Knows that you wouldn’t do that.

Once he has a taste for parenthood, he’s practically addicted. He absolutely loves it. Loves you. Why not have another? And another? And another?

Let’s be honest, he might just want a small herd of kids. Not many, like four or five. A few more wouldn’t do too much harm, but he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. After all, you’d be around them the most, being the primary caretaker for them all.

The desire for a large family comes into direct conflict with his desire to not make you overwhelmed and overworked. It was a hard battle, but he convinced himself that maybe just one more wouldn’t hurt. Just one more, and that’ll be the last he’ll want.

He’ll say that for the next three he plans to have with you. Can men get baby fever? If they can, then this man definitely would have it, just saying.

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n0tamused · 3 years

Note

Hellooo hon can i request pls? Can u write for tobirama a one shot where he rejects his s/o but then he sees her with another guy in the village often and starts to realize about hia feelings but its late bc she is marrying this other guy? I need some angst hahahah. Its ok if you don't want to write it! Thank you 😘

A/N: Hello anon, thank you for the request! Here's some Tobirama angst. It made me sad to write this but here we are. The things we do for angst. Hope you enjoy.

Warnings: none. Just pure sadness.

Words: Around 1.475

' The Fire Which Didn't Burn '

-"No. I do not love you."

Those words echoed in your mind days after his initial rejection. Over and over again until it was all you could think about. It stung your heart each time you repeated the sentence. The never ending feeling that it was something you did wrong wrecked your mind, it made work harder and rest scarce for a while. You didn't understand. You were sure he felt at least some semblance of love for you, in the end you were the one he truly did let in his company. One he could rely on for anything that he may need. Or did you read the signs that wrong? At that point it wouldn't be a surprise if it was all for business sake, seeing as you both worked together on making the village prosper and bloom.

But that was almost an whole year ago. Even more. Since then you have moved on from the heart ache. Although a few select close friends knew of your pain, you never indulged them with your gloomy moods that came and went. It was a tendency you seemed to pick up from the younger Senju and the years you spent at his side. Not letting anyone really in. Only letting them scratch the surface of it, to know enough to leave you be.

It has been a whole year since the last time Tobirama had spent proper time with you, a whole year since you both sat down to unwind and discuss things amicably. At the confession of your feelings for him he was rather cold, cooly brushing you off and trying to get back into his work. He didn't feel like it was such a big deal then, he believed that it didn't matter as long as you both still remained a good bond. But he was proven wrong. You recoiled from his reach and even disappeared from his sight. His ears seldomly heard of you anymore. It was as if you disappeared from the village all together. Even if he saw traces of your work, your signatures and reports. It was all superficial.

At first this didn't bother Tobirama much, even if he was initially worried about your lack of communication with him. The man was simply so drowned in his work to take some kind of action, to do anything to smooth things over with you again. On certain days, when work was lesser, he would indulge himself in things he did with you once. Only then feeling the effects, the weight on his shoulders due to your absence. There was no more of your reasoning voice, no more laughter, no more endless teasing when the two of you were alone, no more long nights where the two of you shared your worries and even fears. There was none of it. Only distant memories.

As stubborn as he was, he would finally come to terms that he, in the very least, missed you greatly. That he should've done something sooner. Now he felt embarrassed to even try after so long had already passed.

Tobirama had recently started to seek out information about you. Head full of things, horrible things. Were you alright now? Have you moved on?

As it turns out, yes you were alright and yes...you have moved on. You were still working as a ninja, so how you managed to keep out of his sight so much and for so long surprised the silver haired Senju. And when word reached him that you were getting married soon. He was...he didn't know how to feel, actually. You had found another man to love and share your burdens and future with. He had spotted the pair of you once in the village, walking peacefully side by side. Hand and fingers entwined together. You pressing into his side once to give him a quick hug. Him smiling down at you, a genuine, earnest smile which you reflected back just the same. It made Tobirama ill. A deep, gut wrenching feeling over took him so much that he wanted to bolt. As unlikely as that was for him.

Perhaps this was karma. You were his most trusted friend. You understood him at best and at worst times, and you dealt with him when he was being difficult. You were with him at his side even when his brother got fed up with his arrogance. The amount of times you sat at the stairs on his porch, waiting for him to cool off were countless; even your company alone was salve enough. And not to even mention your beauty, you were the rare one that really caught Tobirama's eye, like no other woman has before. And yet, he pushed you away. Perhaps this was his punishment. The maker gave him a chance, a chance to be happy and content and have someone with him and he let it fall and shatter to the floor. Tobirama could only scowl, and he found himself in a sour mood ever since.

He wouldn't admit it but his heart was aching. Was this how you too felt?

-"Tobirama!"

You exclaimed. Shock written all over your features, the basket of fruit, fish and vegetables hooked onto your elbow. Neither of you knew what to say at first. Tobirama was just as shocked as you, regretting not using his sensory abilities to sense you and turn in another direction. Now that you two ran into each other his tongue felt dry.

Your breath stopped in your throat as you searched his eyes, his face for anything that could indicate some sort of reaction. Yet the only thing you found in his scarlet gaze was yearning, and then emptiness once he collected his racing thoughts.

"Y/N. It.. it has been a while."

He spoke, clearing his throat while his heart felt as if it was going to burst out of his chest. The clothes he wore suddenly felt suffocating and scolding. A tangible tension grew between the two of you.

"Yes. It has been...How have you been doing? I surely hope you are getting some proper rest, I heard there was quite a scuffle recently."

Trying to keep the conversation average failed. A frown became prominent on his lips as he only nodded, in a almost mechanical fashion, but didn't respond to the question. You caught his gaze flickering, only for a second, down to your ring finger. Where the silver ring was. A small gem held on the top of it. And you understood, in a way.

"Oh..."

A wind breezed past the two of you, but it didn't feel comforting. It felt chilling and hot and dry all at the same time, like raking hands that clung to the both of you. If you were paying just a little more attention to the Senju, you would've seen the sadness collect in his eyes. Even if his face remained cold and unreadable. His eyes gave it all away.

The conversation ended rather awkwardly with both of you wishing each other well and saying your goodbyes. So many things were left unsaid then. It wouldn't take Tobirama long after that quick encounter to really admit it to himself that he has grown feelings for you, that he was in love. Realizing a year too late. A year he wished he could get back so he could be with you instead of that man. A year that could make it all better, for the both of you. But no matter how many sleepless nights he had, no matter how much he wished and even prayed, he couldn't take your happiness away. He couldn't even dare do such a thing, couldn't dream of it.

Sometimes you would even worm your way in his dreams, his mind visualizing a future he knew he couldn't have. A happy one with you at his side, in a house different from the one he was in now, with enough space for the both of you and even another addition. No matter how much he dreaded those dreams, he let himself drown in the comforts of them even if for a moment. Letting himself experience what could have been. The phantom touches and plush kisses that soon turned to dust in his mouth when he woke. The image of you still dancing vividly in front of his sleep hazed eyes.

Other times he even found himself crying in those dreams, angry, bitter and regretful tears. Clinging onto you in his dreams, pleading to not wake up yet to make it all better. It pained him. That he couldn't have you anymore. You were now married to someone, and that someone wasn't him.

Tobirama saw how happy you were, genuinely. And he wasn't going to take it away just because of his own mistakes.

Now it was his turn to share the pain you went through. He accepted it all. It was now his responsibility. His mistakes.

#tobirama #senju tobirama #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader #tobirama angst #tobirama senju angst #Naruto #warring states #naruto x reader #Naruto angst #n0tamused oneshot #n0tamused writes

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demonslayedher · 3 years

Note

any random trivial thoughts you have about the lives of the slayers? i like to think that nezuko keeps the acorns inosuke gave her in a jar as a collection and that inosuke is determined to fill the jar completely, hehe. also, do you think an official announcement of nezuko’s existence was made to the lower ranked demon slayers or did it travel through word of mouth. imagine oblivious demon slayers visiting the butterfly mansion, only to be greeted/encountered by nezuko

If I may add to that thought about Nezuko having a jar, Gotouge has stated that Nezuko is okay getting tossed around and bumping her head in the box because she heals from it immediately, but one of this days Tanjiro is going to open it and it will pour with acorns and glass shards, and she'll just be sitting there glaring with disappointment. (Hopefully Nezuko keeps the jar in a safe place at the Butterfly Mansion instead!)

As for telling the whole Corp that Nezuko got the OK from Oyakata-sama and the Pillars, I can see that being like a low-key announcement that spreads like a rumor, just kinda whenever the crows get around to that detail between missions. It makes sense that Oyakata-sama wanted to tell the Pillars first, and since the Pillar meeting was coming up pretty soon when Tanjiro passed the Final Selection, Oyakata-sama had probably planned as soon as he got Urokodaki's letter than he was going to have Tanjiro and Nezuko at that meeting. Even if we set the Pillars aside, though, there's wide-spread hatred against demons throughout the Corp. It probably helped to have the Pillars generally on board first. I can imagine the rest of the Corp being very curious (if cautious) about Nezuko, and although we see characters who get the pleasure of spending time with her getting to baby her, most Corp members who meet Tanjiro probably don't get to meet Nezuko face to face. Daytime is problematic, or Nezuko would otherwise be asleep a lot of the time even if Tanjiro is busy in settings when he'd meet other Corp members. Still, I think Tanjiro's reputation as a nice guy would spread even faster, so even people who were iffy about Nezuko would probably get to know Tanjiro and be like, "oh, she's probably fine."

But if we're going to get into trivial headcanons about the Slayers' everyday lives, you know who I think gets babied more than Nezuko?

Inosuke. Most of the Corp members are freaked out by him at first, but as it dawns on them that Inosuke grew up all alone, it may bring out a nurturing side in them, and it makes everyone happy to see him get better at fitting in among humankind. They get to feel proud of him as he picks up on limited amounts of etiquette and gets marginally better at picking up names, but most of them are still likely to make a quick exit when he starts getting too rambunctious.

Zenitsu, however, is someone who should know better and most people find him really annoying until they go through Pillar Training with him, as that's the strongest bonding experience most of the Corp members have ever shared, aside from the really close bonding that probably occurs a lot among members of the same Final Selection batches. However, the Corp members who have witnessed Zenitsu in action (and who were rescued by him) have nearly the same awe for him that they have for the Pillars, so they never say anything to him about how indebted they feel.

Since more of the Corp members have met Inosuke and Zenitsu than have met Nezuko, Tanjiro's saintly reputation mostly stems from how much of those two numbskulls' company he can stand, and how he can keep them in line (keeping a demon sister in line must be easy in comparison). Also, Tanjiro is not just good at tending the fire to make good rice, his sense of smell makes him a master at seasoning food perfectly, and many Corp members have cried thinking of how their own mothers never cooked so well. Tanjiro is also very good at tending to people when they fall ill.

The Pillars are so advanced in Breath technique that they don't generally catch colds unless they are recovering from serious injury or like, poisoning themselves. Normal Corp members catch minor illnesses all the time, though, and that's part of why they're so slow to advance. They tend to have to take time for lots of little things instead of just major injuries sustained in battle. They still train as much as possible to make sure they don't get rusty when it's time to take a mission again. These recovery periods are some of the only times when they can maintain a reasonable sleep schedule, many of the members who survive to old age feel long term effects of sleep deprivation in addition to lingering injuries. Since the Corp members can't very well engage in long-term goals, simple pastimes are encouraged in the daylight hours to help keep them in the moment. The Butterfly Mansion and most of the Wisteria houses are well stocked with board games like Sugoroku and card games like Karuta, as well as tools for shuttlecock and paper for origami.

While many of the Corp members try to be virtuous, and in indeed there are other circles that have their own sort of main-character like Tanjiro equivalent, there are still those who have less polished, or certainly far less positive character. The rougher members tend to spend their salary and free time on vices. Oyakata-sama understands his children are under a lot of stress and turns a blind eye to it (or two blind eyes, I guess).

Different Breaths tend to come with their own cultures, and overtime different Cultivators tend to get different reputations based on the members they send into the Corp. Like, "Oh, Yamada-sensei? Then you must be a stickler for the 10th form" or "Yamaguchi-sensei? Are you okay out there? I heard he's real half-assed on Breath technique." There is a certain amount of awe that students of former Pillars automatically get, and although some of that is due to pride and jealously, people who have been in the Corp long enough tend to get over these notions and just realize that everyone's doing their best. Since they're core Breath styles there may be other Thunder and Flame Breath users throughout the Corp from different Cultivators, but, pardon the pun, they can't hold a candle to the students of former Pillars (or the Rengoku clan in general) and it's highly, highly unlikely any of them would ever get close to the same level of mastery. There's plenty of Muratas in every Breath, basically.

Speaking of Murata, he and others like him probably had an easy time of settling down and getting married after retirement. Years of experience as swordsmen certainly gave them a mature edge over the average Joes they otherwise would be compared to, but they also have the advantage of not being freaks. Takeuchi remains life-long friends with Yushiro.

The young maidens of Wisteria houses get flirted with all the time. Many of the Corp members are starved of TLC, and while the maidens of the Wisteria houses are polite and have deep respect for the work the swordsmen do, they know they likely will not know most of them for long. However, when there is a true connection between a Corp member and a Wisteria House family member, they tend to make very solid matches. Girls make up a slim percentage of the swordsmen in the Corp, and this is why they tend to get sent on undercover missions a lot more. Demons tend to put their guards down more around women, as they'd more likely be on the look out for male swordsmen.

Girls make up a larger proportion of the Kakushi, and traditionally feminine skills are highly prized. Gotou is very proud of his sewing skills, even though he only does small repairs and has never been tasked with tailoring full uniforms. The Kakushi use a lot of code words and have a very insular work culture that is hard for outsiders to break into; even Oyakata-sama finds himself confused by a lot of it, but he appreciates that it makes them efficient and mostly leaves them be to organize themselves as they see fit (his orders are still absolute, though, so none of them are aware how much autonomy they effectively have.)

Hand signs like "don't breathe" and "don't listen" are unique to the Corp (yes, I have looked them up, consensus in the Japanese fandom is that they are unique to KnY), and taught by Cultivators. Inosuke didn't have a Cultivator to teach him so it took him a while to catch on the existence of hand signs. He makes up his own confusing hand signs to impress people with how flexible his joints are.

For many, Pillar Training was harder than undergoing Cultivation (but still less harrowing than the Final Selection). In Cultivation they tend to get specialized attention from someone who cares about them and actually knows a thing or two about how teaching works. Pillar Training does not fit this explanation at all, especially in the teaching department. As mentioned before, this is when a lot of Corp members who used to find Zenitsu insufferable come around and start to appreciate him more, for they survived different stages of training together, and every time he blew his top and complained, they were grateful he gave (loud) voice to what they were thinking but were too afraid to say. Instead of getting down and depressed, it riles them up enough to keep at it, however ridiculous the Pillar's demands are. Suffering under the Pillars also broke down perceived barriers between different ranks, building a more solid level of comradery among a lot of the Corp. However, this was also the most time most of the Corp members ever got to spend with the Pillars, who they always felt were untouchable and who they feared bothering. They feel very genuine affection for them by the time they all enter the final battle.

Once Inosuke figures out that Zenitsu can only bring out his full abilities in his sleep, he tries to goad Zenitsu into fighting him at full strength by insulting him in his sleep. He did throw a really good punch at him one time, but usually he only sleep-argues back. Other times Inosuke hits a sore spot and Zenitsu starts sleep-crying, in which case Inosuke gets bored and leaves. Once Tanjiro realizes this about Zenitsu (thanks to Inosuke having point-blank explained it to him), he puzzles over it and figures Zenitsu may not be aware of how powerful and helpful he is, and this hurts his confidence, but then again, how can he not know if he's so aware of his surroundings even in his sleep? As Zenitsu sleeps, Tanjiro has been puzzling over this a long time and how he might best be able to help Zenitsu reach his full confident potential, and by the time Zenitsu wakes up and drowsily looks over at Tanjiro, Tanjiro looks him in the eye and very seriously asks, "Zenitsu, what is your problem?" Naturally, Zenitsu interprets this as Tanjiro suddenly being very disappointed in him, and Tanjiro has unwittingly done more harm than good.

On the contrary, Tanjiro has unwittingly done a lot of simple good for most of the PTSD-suffering Corp members with his little throw-away positive comments, just like he did for Muichiro and Aoi. Most of the Corp members have never met Oyakata-sama, so Tanjiro is to many Corp members what Oyakata-sama is to the Pillars. It's like they all have an Oyakata-sama shaped hole in their hearts and Tanjiro just falls into it like a good proxy. After all is said and done and Tanjiro and Nezuko read all the kind wishes left for them in deceased Corp members' wills, Tanjiro is consumed with some guilt that he can't place faces to all the names, though he remembers the majority of them. While his memory is still fresh he works hard to recall the ones who escaped him, and then he makes sure to refresh his memory every year with annual visits to the graves.

#kny fandom theories and meta #or just general headcanons #but they have their basis in little fanbook details like favorite games and such #Kimetsu no Yaiba #Demon Slayer

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atruththatyoudeny · 3 years

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Happy 28th! A new month - so new fics for you to find and enjoy! I can’t say it enough: all the authors in this fandom are truly amazing! Thank you so much for continuously sharing your hard work with us ♥ Here are the 14 fics I read and enjoyed this month:

A Hungry Heart | jacaranda_bloom | Great British Bake Off AU - famous/not famous - cliches - pining - angst - smut - 27k Harry Styles, florist and Great British Bake Off contestant, loves many things. He loves his flower shop, he loves baking, and there’s also that little crush he has on pop star Louis Tomlinson. But when Louis arrives on set as the surprise guest judge, Harry’s worlds collide. Throw in a cup of cuteness, a teaspoon of teasing, and a pinch of pining, and there’s all the ingredients for an epic love story, or absolute chaos. Or the one where the Bake Off tent has never been so hot, and it’s got nothing to do with what’s in the ovens.

Teenage Rebellion Never Worked Out So Well | panda_bear21 | arranged marriage - friends to lovers - 55k “I’m an adult!” He glanced down at Harry, who seemed anything but at the moment, where he was definitely on the brink of a temper tantrum. “We’re both adults!” Jay glanced to Anne again, before breathing out a heavy sigh. “Yes, but you’re both adults that do not have jobs and who live off of our money… Which means, you have to do what we say… or you’ll have to find a new place to live.” “You wouldn’t do that.” Louis dared, hoping his glare was enough to guilt trip his mother into calling the whole thing off. Or to tell them that it had all just been a huge joke and they weren’t actually being forced into marrying a complete stranger. “Oh, but we would.” Or the super cliché arranged marriage fic where things escalate way too quickly.

Heartbreak Hotel | noellehenry | time travel - 1950s - historical - pining - 29k British popstar Harry Styles is thrown back in time after an unfortunate accident on stage. He wakes up in a small town in the US in the 1950's, where life is slightly different from 2015. With help from Niall and Liam he tries to adjust to his new life; without mobile phones and a world wide web to keep up with the world and where showing interest in nice cute boys with bright blue eyes is a no-no. Time travel and 1950's AU where Liam is an English teacher, Niall owns the Best Song Ever record shop, James runs Corden's Diner, Elvis fan Louis is the cute boy with the blue eyes and Harry..... just tries to survive really.

Playdate | Larry_you_know | getting together - misunderstandings - kid fic - fluff - 7k When Harry’s sister asked him to pick up her son at a kids' birthday party he sure didn’t expect to be stunned by the blue-eyed brother of the birthday twins. Using his nephew to see Louis again, he falls hard and fast. But how does one turn a playdate into a real date?

tread lightly on my ground | fairytalelights | a/b/o - mpreg - touch-starved - miscommunication - friends to lovers - touch deprivation - smut - 21k No, that's the tragic part of this, the part that makes Harry feel like the universe is playing a cruel joke on him. The father of his baby is exactly right, exactly who he always imagined himself having kids with. He just imagined them married, bonded. Happy. He didn't imagine them barely talking, tip-toeing around each other because neither of them is brave enough to talk about what happened between them. He didn't imagine the father of his child not loving him back. or, the one where Harry is having Louis' baby, but Louis doesn't know it's his.

Not Ready for This | berzerkshires | kid fic - single parents - smut - 18k Prompt for HLSummerFest2021: Louis and Harry are both single fathers and their children decide to go out on a date. The dads insist on meeting one another before they agree to let their child go out on this date.

Secret's Safe With Me | alltheselights | boss/employee relationship - secret relationship - toxic relationship (not h/l) - slow burn - smut - 59k But here’s the thing about secrets that people tend to forget—they’re deeply personal things. Tiny pieces of information about someone that they keep locked inside and only let out at certain moments, or to certain people, or not at all. Secrets have value, you see, even if only to the person holding them inside. If those secrets were to be told, if those tiny jagged pieces of someone, the parts they hold most dear, the parts they hide out of shame or fear or regret—if those pieces were exposed to someone, it would have the potential to change everything. When bad turbulence and three glasses of wine have Louis spilling all of his secrets to the man sitting next to him on the plane, it's embarrassing, sure, but it's also easy enough to shrug off and block out of his memory forever. Or at least, it was until Louis went into work on Monday morning and realized that the man from the plane is the new CEO of his company.

Marks On My Baby | thinlines | a/b/o - college/university - friends to lovers - hurt/comfort - angst - fluff - smut - 32k “What’s that?” Harry hadn’t meant for his voice to sound so sharp and even he winced at his own outburst. It was more of a hiss than an actual question, but for now, he was too surprised to care. “What’s what?” The omega asked, eyebrows raised and lips pinched. Harry knew he was probably mad at him for interrupting his rant, but the alpha was too on edge to bother pleasing the boy. “On your neck… Your bondmark spot…” His voice had grown low and deep, almost a growl. Who knew a single love bite on his omega friend's neck would trigger Harry this much? Certainly not the alpha himself.

Rogue | Laventriloque | a/b/o - werewolves - minor character death - hurt/comfort - past abuse - past rape/non-con - soulmates - smut - 95k “No, Liam! How many times do I have to… before you finally… NO WAY … a rogue in our pack?… cannot trust him … don’t care to know him … have enough members to worry about.” He hears more indistinct shouts before he hears pretty clearly: “His own pack didn’t want him!” Sitting here, his precious bag between his feet and everyone in the room looking at him, some with pity, some with disdain, some with curiosity, Louis feels like someone squeezed his heart in their hands and isn’t letting it go. He wills his head to stay up high and his posture to stay confident. He will not flee the room. He will not let that stupid lump in his throat get the better of him. He will stay here until Liam returns. He will take the rejection in stride and move on. Like he’s been doing all his life." -- Louis is a rogue Omega who's suffered through rejection and abuse for the biggest part of his life. He stumbles onto the Styles pack, quite possibly the kindest one he's ever met.

indian summer | docklands | strangers to lovers - hurt/comfort - banter - smut - 30k Harry runs a smoothie shop, which also happens to be an ever-moving caravan. He spends one week in each location and drives straight to the next, always eager for adventure. It isn't until his van breaks down and he needs to call for a mechanic that he starts to ponder his life choices. Louis, the said mechanic, is an anchor in Harry's wild sea, but his hard metal might be too much for Harry's unpredictable antics.

A Silver Lining In A Storm (You Were Lightning, I Was Born) | FallingLikeThis | arranged marriage - royalty - a/b/o - mpreg - minor character death - murder - non-graphic violence - angst - hurt/comfort - 7k Omega Prince Harry had always known that he was going to have an arranged marriage. But after the death of his first fiancé, a man who turned out far worse than Harry thought possible, his subsequent marriage to the man's brother leaves Harry finding it difficult to trust that everything will work out. Especially considering the only responsibility he’s aware of is to give his husband, the future king, an heir.

A Twist of Fate | myfearlesslou | a/b/o - strangers to lovers - soulmates - angst - 35k Since the moment Harry presented as an omega, all he's ever wanted was to have a baby. Fate had another idea in mind for him. Giving up on trying to conceive, he decides to adopt a new born baby boy. After months of loving and caring for the boy, a strange man comes into his life, taking him by surprise. Not wanting to lose the child he's loved from the moment he laid eyes on him, Harry does whatever he can to keep the boy safe and in his arms. Even if that means following the handsome stranger to a part of the woods he's never seen before.

Trust Me Tonight | 28sunflowers | historical - royalty - regency - arranged marriage - first time - mpreg - pwp - 10k After Harry’s eighteenth birthday, his father calls him into a meeting to say that he is to be married to Prince Louis of France in just over a week. Harry is excited, of course. The arrangement is better than any he could’ve hoped for, with such a young, handsome and kind husband. There is just one issue: Harry doesn’t know what happens on his nuptials, or how to get pregnant to give Louis the heir that he needs.

i got a heart (but i don't got a soul) | tempolarriefics | mythical beings Á creatures - enemies to lovers - childhood friends - famous/not famous - soulmates - angel/demon relationship - demon/human relationship - 19k “We’re soulmates.” Louis’ eyes flick from the tattoo back to Harry’s face, where his eyes are shining with excitement. Louis wonders if he is supposed to feel excited, too. He’s supposed to feel something, surely, besides his usual bitterness for Harry. He thinks back to how Lottie had described meeting Sam, how she had known in her heart that he was meant for her even before he said his phrase. He can’t help but wonder if he would be feeling differently if he hadn’t gone and sold his soul. Or, the one where louis sells his soul before meeting his soulmate, harry is a popstar with a heart of gold, niall is inadvertently responsible for harry's boners, liam is a meddling angel, and zayn is a demon who made a mistake

#28th appreciation #fic rec #my fic rec #my reads #monthly fic rec #monthly reads #larry fics #completed fics

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