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#quality-control concerns
alwaysbewoke · 2 months
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a bunch of people have already registered for my mentoring workshop! unfortunately this means i have to plan and host a workshop aaaaaa
#i want to think aloud through it on here at some point#but i think i am going to structure it around the theme of cultivating student autonomy#because i think one of the primary goals of mentorship is to prepare students to be self-directed learners who can set realistic goals +#evaluate their own progress + reflect on what they've learned and what they still don't know#+ take initiative without sitting around waiting for someone to tell them what to do next#so i think we will do some thinking around like#when we have a student we think of as really capable or driven what qualities and behaviors do we observe in that student#and maybe ill also share some of the research on intrinsic motivation + self-direction + locus of control#which i think is all really interesting esp in light of the contemporary College Mental Health Crisis concerns#and then we will look at a range of tools + structures + strategies that i think are useful for fostering student autonomy over time#and maybe leave them with some core principles/guiding values that i think are useful when you are trying to like#avoid jumping in and doing stuff for kids#or solving their problems for them#idk i need to think through specifics a bit more#but i feel like on this campus#people do a lot of 'workshops' that are really not interactive at all#it's just someone talking from slides#and i kind of want to show off my ability to structure more engaging workshops#but idk. gotta think about how to do it well#and how to build in lots of opportunities for like crowdsourcing strategies too
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wasabikitcat · 4 months
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As someone with chronic illness it's always confused me when people fear-monger about HRT by saying stuff like "It has a chance to cause [insert symptom here] as a side effect!" Like yeah man, that's kinda what medications do. They cause side effects, it's basically like a law of equivalent exchange thing. You discuss with your doctor your options and weigh whether the side effects are worth the benefit. I thought everyone knew this?
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alpha-dash1998 · 1 day
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A Breath of Fresh Air: My Experience with the Breezy+ Air Purifier
#especially since my flat faces a busy street. Dust#pollen#and the occasional whiff of exhaust fumes made keeping the air fresh a constant battle. Air purifiers always seemed like a bulky and impers#but after a friend's glowing recommendation#I decided to give the Breezy+ Air Purifier a try. Let's just say#I'm a convert!#Clean Air#Clear Mind:#The most noticeable difference since using the Breezy+ is the overall air quality in my flat. Gone are the days of waking up with a stuffy#and I find myself breathing much easier. I even have a houseplant that seemed to be struggling before#and it's perked up considerably since I started using the Breezy+.#Whisper-Quiet Operation:#One of my biggest concerns about air purifiers was the noise level. I didn't want a constant white noise machine running in my living space#the Breezy+ is incredibly quiet on its lower settings. Even on the highest setting#the noise is minimal and unobtrusive#making it perfect for use at night or during work calls.#Stylish Design and User-friendly Features:#The Breezy+ is surprisingly stylish for an air purifier. It has a sleek#modern design that blends seamlessly with my existing décor. The touch controls on the front panel are responsive and easy to navigate#with clear indicators for air quality levels and settings. The filter replacement notification light is a lifesaver – no more guesswork abo#Customisable Comfort:#The Breezy+ offers a range of settings to customize its operation to your needs. I love that I can adjust the fan speed depending on the le#A Breath of Fresh Air (Literally):#Overall#I'm incredibly impressed with the Breezy+ Air Purifier. It has made a noticeable difference in the air quality of my flat#and I can genuinely breathe easier thanks to its effectiveness. The quiet operation#stylish design#and user-friendly features make it a breeze (pun intended!) to use. If you're looking for an air purifier that truly delivers on its promis#I highly recommend the Breezy+. It's a small investment for a significant improvement in your indoor air quality and overall well-being.#tune
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darkpoisonouslove · 1 year
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Bestie, I know you're 9 but learn to read the room! Your grandma is already executing hate mode just because your father seemed to let his thoughts drift to a woman other than her niece for 3 seconds.
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hanaonesflower · 13 days
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“let me do this for you.”
“let me get that for you.”
“don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
when nanami was around, it was like being watched by a hawk. not in a bad way of course, just not a way you're probably used to. he is always on it, taking care of everything from beginning to end, hell bent on you not ever lifting a finger and actually bar you from doing it, even behind his back.
"seriously, kento, I can do it myself!"
"absolutely not, you worked all day, when you come home, I take care of you."
you try to bargain, dishing out facts that he, too, has a full time job that usually pushes him to the brink of exhaustion that he may or may not recover from, yet, here he is, elbows deep in dough, insistent on making pasta from scratch. according to a recipe that you may have briefly mentioned weeks ago that you wanted to try.
you tried to pick up the knife and dice the tomatoes or turn on the stove, he shoos you away.
"this is getting out of control, kento."
"you can help me by taking a nice warm long bath, honey."
nanami knows what he's doing, the majority of the time. but will he ever express that he fumbles from time to time? never. not that his ego is inflated, but because he has prided himself for being to care for you boundlessly.
so when you leave the bath and find kento with his hand in a bucket of ice water, you realize something have gone south in the kitchen.
"kento! what happened?!"
"nothing to worry about my l-"
"enough! tell me, now."
your stern voice and attitude stun him, he's never seen you like this before. his behavior is downright concerning, he hasn't always been this way though. sure, he loves by serving, but he isn't always this stubborn or ridiculously protective. you have always cooked together, why would it be different this time, or the last few times within the past couple of months. nanami isn't unreasonable, but he can be if something pricked at his pride.
"I may have burned myself with the hot steam."
"may have? your skin is having a terrible reaction! for a smart man you can be so clumsy sometimes."
"it's not that bad."
you glare.
"okay, it's pretty burnt and it hurts."
"I bet it does."
you slowly pull his hand out from the ice bucket and lead him to the kitchen table and command him to sit still when you fetch the first aid. his palm is raw from the burn and his face twists in pain when you apply some pressure.
there isn't much conversation exchanged between you and him, but something is definitely hanging above your heads. kento seems to be closed off to it, but you're willing to get to the root of things.
"you haven't been yourself lately."
silence.
"I feel like this is not just about providing for me, something happened, and it affected you."
kento looks saddened by this. you are spot on. something did happen.
a few months ago, during a dinner party amongst friends, kento found himself begrudgingly involved in unpleasant conversations with his colleagues, the way they audaciously questioned his ability to care for his partner when he was always away on work trips or spending extra time at work. he took it to heart, kento questioned himself. he realized, that even though his colleagues were terribly annoying and invasive, they made some considerable points. he made the executive decision to fully take over, spinning a complete 180 on you. at first you thought it was sweet, until it became authoritarian.
"that's really how you feel?"
"have I been absent to you, y/n?"
you contemplate for a while, you truly wish he is around more, but you always understand the nature of his job.
"I do wish I can see you more often, when you had that 2-week long vacation, I was able to spend such amazing quality time with you, and it was awesome, but I also understand how your job is. I didn't want to come in between that."
"so I have been absent." he moaned defeatedly.
"please don't blame it on yourself like this, it's not healthy, I still love you, kento."
"this is all my fault, y/n, I should have been there for you more."
truthfully, you wish he was, but once again, you are both stuck between a rock and a hard place.
"have you been doing all this to somehow compensate?"
"is it working?"
he is trying to humor you, although at quite a horrid time, you still crack a smile.
"I think it's very kind of you."
he sighs.
"please, forgive me, my love. I became what you called a workaholic, I tried to get more hours to provide for you, only to come short in other aspects."
"I'm not an unemployed housewife, kento."
“this isn’t my way of saying that you are incapacitated in any way, i just wish that you didn’t have to worry about anything,” he groaned from the incessant gnawing of the antiseptic on his burnt wound.
“kento, this is a partnership, you’re not my servant and i’m not a spoiled brat,” he felt a little silly, nanami knew this fact yet he felt impotent in this sense. he opened and closed his lips, hoping to get his point across even further but nothing seemed good enough at theis point, he’s done fighting.
“whatever you’re going to say, it’s not going to change the fact that i love you,” you silence him.
“then can i say that i love you, too?”
“that, you can.”
⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒ ⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒ ⭒˚‧
note: PHEEeewww… it’s really good to be back :33 this piece shall be the redebut as it is one of my cuter fics. going back with smut pieces after such a long hiatus didn’t feel right so – soft nanami is always the way to go!! more content will be coming soon (smut included >.>), stay tuned ( ˘ ³˘)
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mrsaltieri-real · 10 months
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Ethan Landry as a Boyfriend Headcanons (SFW AND NSFW)
I was bored so rewatched Scream 6 and these just popped into my mind, hope you enjoy!
Warning/s: 18+, Fem!AFAB!Girlfriend, language, mentions of smut, oral, p in v, riding, sub!Ethan, begging, mentions of orgasm denial, degrading kink, praise kink, sweet and soft Ethan, you get the picture
Word count: approx 600
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SFW
Very, very clingy. Feels completely out of touch when he’s not around you. The boy will follow you around like a little lost puppy
Big on physical contact. He likes to always be holding your hand or have your arm tucked into his
Yah, he’s touch starved
He’s literally obsessed with you.
Like, to the point where it’s probably concerning to those around you
He’s a shy little bastard though
Gets overstimulated in large groups of people so will absolutely cling to you for dear life in malls
But he really likes going shopping with you and helping you pick out clothes
He absolutely LOVES when you play with his hair
He’ll lie with his head on your lap for hours just relishing in the feeling of your fingers running through his curls
Likes to fall asleep with you in his arms, or the other way round depending
He’s a big spoon little spoon switch for REAL
He blushes every time you pay him a compliment
“You look really nice today, baby”
INSTANTLY RED. How cute is he?
Bless his heart, he’s not a good cook at all so you’re the one who ends up doing the cooking
But he’ll try his best to help until you have to kick him out of the kitchen for somehow burning water
But he’ll sit at the table and watch you cook away with a big old smile on his face
Doesn’t really use pet names himself, but loves it when you call him “baby,” “babe,” and “honey.”
His love languages are quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation
He could sit and listen to you talk about your day forever
He’s the best to gossip with
“And then he told her to fuck off!”
“Shut up, no he didn’t? What happened next??“
Such a good boyfriend, right?
NSFW
He’s a needy little fucker
Like HONESTLY so fucking needy
Such a sub it’s not even funny
Two words: PUSSY WORSHIP
He’ll literally be begging to eat you out until you cum
Over and over again
Will always want to make sure you’ve had at least a couple of orgasms before he even gets his cock out
LOVES when you fuck his face, I don’t make the rules
Absolute master of eating pussy
Guys got the kind of mouth invented for going down
Loves messily sucking on your clit and getting your juices all over his face
He’s such a slut for you, he’d go out of his way to make you feel good
Don’t ask me why, but he’s a thigh and tits kinda guy and pussy obviously
He likes when you’re on top when having sex, completely dominating and taking full control
He himself doesn’t have a dominant bone in his body
Begs really prettily
He absolutely 100% whimpers
He’s so fucking vocal
Likes when you pull his hair when you’re fucking him
Really riles him up
Won’t say it, but loves to be denied of release
Actively wants you to deny him so that when you grant him permission, the satisfaction is just oh so much better
Again, won’t say it but he loves when you’re blowing him and after he already cums you keep sucking
THAT kind of over stimulation? He likes
He’ll be sobbing, saying “thank you, thank you” over and over again when you let him cum
Likes when you look into his eyes while blowing him too. Does all kinds of things to him
Goes absolutely wild when you praise him
He’s playing with your clit just right?
“You’re such a good boy, baby.”
He’d be trying not to bust then and there
He also loves being degraded
Call him pathetic and needy and he’ll be a whimpering mess, almost sobbing from your words and especially if you’re overstimulating him
But balance out the praise and degradation
He’s a very sensitive guy in more ways than one
When you’re riding him he’ll be gazing up at you, hands on your hips watching your tits bouncing and just feel like he’s in heaven
Loves loves loves when you touch yourself in front of him
Really enjoys lazy, early morning sex
But loves long sessions in the afternoon even more
As I said, deny him and he’ll last as long as he can
Don’t deny him? Baby will cum just from eating you out alone he fucking loves it
What can I say? He’d do anything that brings you pleasure. He’s just that kinda guy
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cambion-companion · 7 months
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Baldur's Gate 3 Characters with Virgin Reader
18+ only obviously. Dirty headcanons under the cut. (these are all the "good" endings btw
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Halsin would honestly be a little in awed shock when you tell him. He'd treat you tenderly, go slowly and save the more rough lovemaking once you're accustomed to his...girth.
There is a lot of emotional connection that goes into the intimate act and knowing its his partner's first time would mean a great deal to him, he takes the perceived responsibility seriously.
Yall would have to go slow though, to accomodate the guy's size. Has strength as his dump stat yet is built like a brick house.
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He's all for the game of seduction, especially if he is still unsure of where he stands with you and your party.
When discovering you're a virgin he acts the part, flirting and using honeyed words to manipulate your heart.
However as the two of you grow closer his feelings also change and he feels anxious about knowing he has your utter consent before taking things further.
He knows what it feels like to be used and wants to avoid causing you the same hurt and feelings of doubt, because against all odds he has begun to care for you.
So much foreplay...SO much foreplay. And you can be in whatever position you want, it's all about your comfort when the time comes to be intimate.
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yeah she'd tease you at first, all in good fun, but still she has to get those sharp words in somewhere.
Soon enough the teasing gives way to concerned questions, not probing too deep into your feelings, but enough to give her hints as to how comfortable you feel with her.
We all know Shadowheart is a slow burn romance, so expect a long buildup while your relationship blossoms.
Lots of sweet kisses and witty flirtations, respecting each other's space until the time feels right to take it to the next level.
perhaps it's after one of your many swimming lessons where you Shadowheart takes the reins and becomes the teacher of a different kind of lesson.
She'd be asking questions throughout, listening to your responses and making sure everything is perfect and you're not feeling rushed.
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Oh she would be so sweet. You know how Karlach is usually quite boisterous and tends toward the goofy side.
She'd sober up right quick when you discuss something so personal with her and she'd be quite pleased you decided to share this with her.
She promises to take it easy on you, at least at first wink wink, and she has the idea to allow you full control to explore her body as much as you wish.
Feel her heart, or at least where her heart used to be, it blazes hotter under your touch.
She might pop the occasional sweet joke, but her eyes and her care is on you the whole time.
She will ask if now is okay, and make sure to gain your express verbal permission before touching your body herself.
She is gentle at first, as promised, but it becomes hard for her to contain her enthusiasm as your coupling progresses. Remind her if you deem it necessary.
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Gale, he'd be surprised but I think pleased.
He would want you to feel comfortable with him, and thus would info dump about his Tressym and the many books he's read about magic and the weave.
It's all about words of affirmation and quality time with Gale, he wants to show you and tell you how much you truly mean to him and reaffirm it is you, not Mystra, with whom is explosive heart now lies.
When the night comes, because he does prefer the romance of a star filled sky, he would ask you if you wish to become one with him.
Maybe astral sex is too soon for the first night, but you can certainly accept when he no doubt extends that offer.
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I think it's pretty much canon that she beats the shit out of you when yall have intimate time...that wouldn't change on account of your virginity.
You'd tell her you're a virgin and she might not even know what that means, I wouldn't be surprised. Either that or she truly does not understand why you think it's important to mention.
She would encourage you to take initiative and assume a more dominant role, prodding you (probably with a stick) if you got too shy.
Later on, in her storyline when she becomes more of an individual unto herself, she will understand the softer aspects of lovemaking.
Then she will be more willing to empathize with the feelings that must come with a first-time coupling, and act a little slower accordingly.
Still prepare yourself for the occasional impatient "tchuk".
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are you kidding, he'd be the ultimate gentleman.
He'd definitely get you a picnic and take you somewhere that smells better than the party camp and that stew Gale attempted to make for supper.
I feel like he'd be more forward than Gale or Karlach, wanting to feel some semblance of peace that your body and your affection could offer.
He'd for sure be drawn to your inexperience, feeling a sense of protectiveness overcome him. (yes yes I understand this post is full of innuendo)
Might wax poetic about his many adventures but pull him in for another kiss and he'll quickly forget his train of thought.
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yes, I made him wait in line, little shit
This cambion knows how to fuck, sit down and block me if you vehemently disagree.
He finds out you're a virgin, and interested in him? Game over.
He plays the long game in all his dealings, and won't be bothered if you choose to play hard to get....in fact he prefers it. Cat and mouse etc.
He's not gentle, nope, but when you're finally in his claws you hardly want him to be.
Doesn't have the bonus of Incubus spittle acting as an aphrodisiac but has had many bedmates and centuries to study how best to use another's body to pleasure his own.
Oh and bring you pleasure of course.
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no
Go play DOS2
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tarjapearce · 9 months
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Prey Game
Miguel O'Hara x Spider person! reader
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WARNINGS: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Mild nsfw, research about spiders, sexual tension, needy and reactive Miguel. Wacky behaviors of spiders.
Summary: Miguel discovers what your venom can actually do. The Hard way.
Requested here
Miguel had seen his fair share of Spider agents parading in the HQ. But in all honesty, never on his life thought than an actual Black Widow would be the catalyzer for a new agent to be born. You. Spider Black. Or Widow as some nicknamed you.
The bright red hourglass emblem on your chest, sent a clear message. Danger. At first, Miguel thought that you had been venomized by the overall type of suit you sported. A suit that for some reason was almost leathery-like, made out of an enzyme that melded like a second skin to you, thanks to the scientist in your world.
Your dimension was... Chaos itself.
It made sense for him that a Spiderwoman as equally brutal appeared to contain the spiraling mayhem your city was drowning in. A form of twisted balance. Even Jess had her own concerns when you were first introduced to the Spider Society TF.
You were the last resource to contain anomalies that turned out to be a real challenge even for seasoned Spiders, with the condition of doing it solo.
Not because you thought yourself invincible, no. It was to avoid any potential collateral damaged agents in your wake. You were vicious, just like the young and radioactive black widow that had bit you. Sometimes you couldn't help it, your DNA had been modified to the point of you adopting some qualities proper of the species.
You were a loner, not that you didn't get along with the rest, the constant chatting and bustling inside turned to be quite overwhelming to your senses. Your fingertips, had tiny, almost invissible little pointy slits that served as receptors. You could feel someone's heartbeat with them, along the rush of blood pumping through their bodies.
But the wackiest things you actually had in your repertoire, was your venom, nested in the natural talons you had for nails. Awfully painful and mind shattering.
Miguel had seen you fight, and when your mating season started, he'd noticed you'd stalk your enemies, patiently in the shadows preying on them with hunger and the outcome, was surely not for the squeamish.
Sometimes Jess thought that you were too much.
Had he made a mistake in taking you in? No. Surely no. You were one of the best. A force to be reckoned with.
You just watched him from the shadows. Ever so nimble, quiet and secretive.
------
His senses were thrashed. Hands trembled, trying to hold on the handles of the door. It was painful, but why it felt good?. It fucking felt too good and he didn't like it one bit.
He glared at you through hazed eyes, shivering mouth, panting softly. Fangs prickling his bottom lip, bared at you. The small punctures of your nails in the base of his neck, bleeding softly.
You smirked at his state.
But oh his groin. You licked your lips. Mating season was still on, and for some reason, your ever stoic serious and grumpy Boss, was now on the floor, a mess of raged breaths, some whimpers escaped him as he tried to stand.
"What's wrong?" Your voice soft, sultry and laced with sarcasm and something else. Hunger.
Even though sexual cannibalism wasn't a feat proper of the Latrodectus species, it still could happen in a 2% ratio. But you wouldn't actually eat him, no. Right?
His body reacting so different to everyone else, made him the exception, but not the rule. Your pupils wide blown as he slumped in the wall, talons out, growling in anger.
"Don't" He hissed as you approached him. Slow, deliberate. Prowling over him with a satisfied smile on your pouty lips.
He gasped for air as sweat started to ooze from his forehead, he felt so out of himself. Out of his character and element. He wasn't in control for once, instead he was slumped against one of his office walls, trembling like a rabid dog in need, raging boner between his well sculpted thighs.
"I mean it." He grunted through clenched teeth, trying to put his senses in order. You kneeled next to him, the alpha-latrotoxin, your venom, rushed through his bloodstream, came out as a delicious pheromone to your senses. You licked your lips again and gently ran a hand through his neck. Pulse quickening, just as his heart.
Powerful and rhythmic beats echoed beneath your fingertips. God he was delicious.
"You wanted to see what my venom could do. Why are you complaining?" You'd chuckle and nuzzle his neck. The contact sending a violent shiver down his spine.
"Can't handle it?" You licked the flesh of his neck. So tender and thrumming in gentle spasms.
"Want me to do something about it?"
His Adam's apple bobbed and his fist clenched. Eyes flashing red, but not in anger. Your mouth salivated at the sight of him. Slowly, tortuous seconds stretched too long before you gave a feathery kiss in his neck, right above the jugular. He shuddered.
You bit softly, relishing the texture of his skin between your teeth. To your surprise, he took a hold of your hair and pushed in further. A quiet 'keep going'.
Giggling playfully, you licked and kissed between the base of his neck, teeth sinking in further with a little more force. An involuntary pleased groan escaped his lips, your smirk widened.
Soon, you were biting his neck, leaving marks, marks that he'd surely have to explain later. But for now he didn't care, the new sensations although making a muddle of his senses, were slowly wiring him into a unexplainable urge to be bitten. Devoured.
Cause in reality, some black widow males spiders just wanted to be eaten. Even going to the extent of placing themselves in the maws of the female spiders. He wasn't from your same species, but his reaction had surely made your hunger enhanced and your body receptive.
None would actually believe you if you'd tell them that your venom made Miguel a needy mess.
"I... I fuckinghate.. you." He slurred in between hefty breathings.
"Your body loves it, though. It's quite the feat to see this... side of you, Boss." Your hands trailed down his groin and he shut his eyes tightly. A sharp inhale as you squeezed.
"But don't worry, it only last for a hour." You whispered in his ear, and removed yourself from him. He gulped, hand lingering in the air.
"See ya, Boss" You swayed your way out to your dimension, leaving him there. A jumbled and hard mayhem.
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springcourtrose · 2 months
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Please, stop... | Part 1
Pairing: Helion x reader (x Nessian)
Warnings: abusive relationship and descriptions of SA - MINORS DNI
Prompt: you’re Nesta and Cassian’s mate and yet you are so different from them. From day 1 you tried to be a good mate and do as they wanted and liked but they like it rough and you just don’t. Not only is it not enjoyable for you it is actually painful. And not just in bed. You always excused their behavior as being overprotective but recently you started calling it something else: controlling. And one night, all changed as you uttered the words you had tried so hard never to say, but always thinking if you ever did they would listen. But they didn’t. And that night, everything broke.
(A/N: it's my first time writing for ACOTAR - English isn't my first language)
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Please, stop.
You couldn't remember exactly how many times you had said it. It hadn't mattered. You weren't sure if they just didn't hear you or didn't care. You couldn't bring yourself to think they had just ignored it, ignored you. But you didn't know if the alternative was better. Maybe they just didn't care.
You cried and Nesta called you a brat. You asked them to stop the first time and Cassian shoved his large cock down your throat to shut you up.
You had almost passed out then. Not because of the way you were choking on his hard length but because you had asked them to stop and they hadn't listened. They had ignored you. They had kept going.
You were crying and begging and it just didn't register. Like it didn't matter. Like you didn't matter. All that mattered was them and their pleasure.
They had gone to bed after they were done, leaving you to care for yourself. And it was then, when you were sitting in that cold bath alone, that you realized. Your mates didn't love you. They loved each other, but you were nothing more than a sex toy to them. You who had tried so hard to be a good mate. Nesta had called you a brat and a bad girl. You who had tried so hard to please them and give them whatever they wanted. It hadn't mattered. They would have taken it anyway, no matter what you wanted.
Your heart broke. You wondered if they felt it through the bond. They didn't stir from their sleep.
You silently exited the bath and put on clean clothes. You packed lightly and quietly and didn't look back at your mates before stepping out of the bedroom.
You went to Azriel, because you really didn't have any other choice. Azriel never asked too many questions. It was as much a quality as it was a flaw. That first time he saw your bruised neck for example, he didn't say a thing. Nor did he mention it the second time, or inquire after your well being the third time. He never asked. Because it wasn't his business. But Mor never mentioned it either. Neither did Feyre or Rhys. Your friends, your family. They all had seen it at one point or another. The bruises. The look in your eyes. The flinching when either of your mate raised their voices or got anywhere close to you.
Nesta and Cassian like it rough. That was the end of it.
Azriel brought a dagger to your throat as you approached him. That didn't surprise you. You apologized for waking him up and asked him if he could do you a favor, no questions asked. You weren't sure he would. His loyalties would remain with Cassian. But, maybe it was the look in your eyes, maybe it was the tears, maybe it was the bruises, or the sound of your broken and desperate voice, but when you asked him to bring you to the Day Court in the middle of the night, he had just looked at you and your packed bag for a few seconds, then silently nodded.
Helion wasn't mad you had his guards wake him up at 2AM. No, Helion was concerned. Even more so when he saw you. You knew you probably looked exactly like you felt. Like complete and utter shit.
Helion had always been nice to you. What was there not to like? You were smart, gentle, caring and beautiful. You had similar interests and powers and had become good friends while doing some research with his healers when you were looking for a way to help Feyre when she was pregnant with Nyx.
Helion had become a true friend. The only one you had left after Nesta and Cassian had restricted your outings so much your old friends had more or less forgotten about you.
Helion made you feel safe. You had nowhere else to go.
He opened his mouth, but you spoke first.
"I request asylum."
Both males stilled. Your small and weak voice broke as you said the words but they had heard you loud and clear. You had never seen Azriel so surprise. You wondered if he would try and take you back to the Night Court by force.
"What?" was all Helion managed to say.
"I ask for refuge in your court, please," you said, voice trembling, tears filling your eyes.
"What happened?" he asked, hurrying towards you, checking you for any injury, eyeing you from head to toe, noticing the bruises on your face and neck.
"Please," you begged, falling apart, your knees giving up on you as you collapsed at his feet.
He knelt before you, taking you in his arms.
"What happened?" he asked again, but not to you.
Azriel's face was grave. He knew exactly what had happened. You'd had enough. You'd reached your breaking point. Like he knew this would happen. And yet he had done nothing.
You were sobbing in the High Lord's arms and he embraced you gently, running a hand up and down your back.
"Please," your voice nothing but a whisper. "I request asylum."
Helion's eyes landed on Azriel once more and the High Lord's silence had you panic.
"Please!"
"Granted," he said and you fell apart once more.
You buried your face in his lap, letting your cries and tears flow out of you. Helion looked at Azriel like he would tear him apart, as if he were the one who had hurt you.
"Y/N is now under the protection of my court. Inform your High Lord as soon as possible."
Azriel paused, as if considering not leaving you here, no doubt thinking about his brother, your mate. But, eventually, he nodded.
"Take care of her," was all he said before he vanished.
And as the spymaster disappeared, leaving you behind, your broken cries filled the halls of the Day Court.
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solarisfortuneia · 1 year
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— grace and coordination? who?
them with a clumsy reader. (ft. kaeya, thoma, tighnari, diluc, alhaitham, ayato, zhongli, childe.)
notes: pinkie swear this'll be the last repost for a while, bc i'm working on some new stuff mwah <3
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kaeya's reaction to your mishaps depends on the situation. sometimes he's literal prince charming, the very picture of concern and worry. and other times, when you're not in a lot of danger— like when you've tripped down a set of four stairs, for example— he'll try really really hard to keep a straight face to protect your feelings.
over time, he'll develop a sense of when and where accidents are most likely to happen and take measures to either remove the obstruction, or guide you away from it entirely. however, if the situation is inevitable, he'll try his best to catch you. one downside though— or upside, depending how you see it— is that he'll always hit you with an overused, cliché line.
"looks like you're falling for me all over again, sweetheart."
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this sweet, sweet boy is the most worried of all. initially, thoma thinks every scratch and every bruise is a consequence of something serious, but soon learns that they're most probably a result of your klutziness. even if you stumble lightly and regain your balance, he's instantly at your side, asking you if you're alright. he won't just take you at your word though, he'll check you himself from head to toe, and only then will he be satisfied.
he'll also carry bandages, antiseptic liquid, lotion, anything he thinks you might need. his pockets are endless. he'll even have small treats to console you after a bad fall.
"oh, dear! here, let me help you up. no injuries? good. here's a candy to cheer you up."
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frankly, he's exasperated. and also very concerned. whenever you bump your head on a branch or fall backwards on your butt, he just sighs and shakes his head before helping you. he knows you're no careless fool, just very prone to unlucky incidents, so he'll spare you the lecture.
tighnari is a firm believer in the fact that prevention is better than cure. so, he'll make sure your footwear is comfortable and supportive and make you change if any parts of your outfit have the potential to be a tripping hazard. if you wear glasses, he'll remind you to keep your prescription up to date. all in all, he'll minimize the possibility of you tripping due to things in your control.
"you'll trip on that robe of yours if you walk outside wearing it. go put on something else, i'd rather not see you fall into a hole in the ground again."
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diluc never expresses anything because he'd rather not come off as overbearing, but he's very careful with you. you can see it in the way he brings a hand to the edge of the table to stop you from hitting your head when you bend to pick up a spoon you knocked off the table, the way he keeps any sharp objects out of your reach, the way he's always scanning his surroundings.
he'll find himself doing all that even when you're not with him, and he'll be glad you weren't there to witness that. he'll baby proof his entire house just for you, and if he can, he'll baby proof yours too. he's the type to use the high quality silk handkerchief he carries around to bandage a scuffed knee.
"don't worry about it, cloth can be washed. the injury should be our first priority."
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there is no question alhaitham can't answer and no puzzle he can't solve, except, of course, the conundrum of how you manage to stumble over air, or slip on a completely dry surface. he'll observe you carefully, try his best to figure it out but eventually he'll chalk it up to circumstances being arranged against you.
he takes matters into his own hands and just fixes said circumstances for you. beyond that, he knows he cannot do much. he has the uncanny ability to know exactly when you're about to do something where you'll end up with a bump on your head, even if you're miles apart. he's also not too worried, he knows that a tumble isn't the end of the world. the problem only arises when you don't get back up again.
he'll firmly refuse to go dancing with you though, both for his sake and yours. he'll turn you down gently and suggest alternatives.
"dance with you? i'm not sure that's such a great idea. how about we spend the evening at the café?"
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kamisato ayato is grace, elegance and perfection. so it comes as a surprise to most of inazuma when they see that his partner is a walking disaster. he's fond of this trait of yours though; he thinks it's endearing. he's also very forgiving if you happen to step on his toes or bump into him. he has no issues replacing anything you break on accident too.
he knows he cannot personally keep an eye on you, so he'll have someone watch over you from afar to make sure nothing serious happens.  that's not to say he won't tease you, no. even though he knows the answer, he'll always ask playfully about any recent 'misfortune' you've been a part of every time he sees you.
"ah, there you are. have you fulfilled your daily quota of disaster for the day? now now, don't give me that look, you know i'm just teasing~"
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he's unfazed, really. he's seen many types of people and creatures over the years, from the most poised rulers to the most unsteady fawns. one thing he does do for you is carefully consider any gifts he's thinking of giving to you, and dismisses the item if it has pointy corners or is fragile.
zhongli's the type to fall with you so you're not alone. he was once a powerful archon, a little accident in a busy hall is nothing for him. and seeing him mimic you with a stoic face to help you feel better is always a treat to witness. then, he'll dust himself off as if nothing happened, and offer you a hand.
"think nothing of it, dearest. i simply wish to accompany you on any journey i can, even if it is a short one to the floor."
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childe's first and foremost reaction is to laugh when you hit your head on a pillar right in front of you, then he'll chuckle at the face you make at him when you're offended. he can't help it! it reminds him way too much of his siblings.
he sincerely promises, with a hand over his heart, to kiss any boo-boos better. and he'll insist on lifting you in his arms, and won't take no for an answer.
"no buts! i'm carrying you home like this. after all, the best way to stop you from tripping is to make sure your feet don't touch the ground, wouldn't you agree?"
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starsworldd · 11 months
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✺ 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭 <𝟑
just a reminder i do have solar + other readings open now :) 🎀
1. start off with the solar rising:
• the sign on the ascendant gives you a good idea as to how you will feel about and approach the year ahead.
• see where your rising falls in your natal chart:
this tells you where you’re focused for the year ahead (e.g. finances, friends, career, etc…)
2. natal x solar:
• check to see if any planets/points conjunct each other between solar return and natal chart and check the natal house where this conjunction is falling. the planets conjuncting each other show what type of energy will be present and the house shows where that energy is playing out (here are some examples):
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• you can also check for trines, sextiles, squares, oppositions and other aspects between solar and natal charts but i personally find that conjunctions are the most potent
3. sun house:
•check where the sun falls in your solar return. this gives a pretty good idea as to what themes are most prevalent in your year ahead
• id say from this point on out you can basically read as a natal chart:
✺ planets ✺
sun - where you express yourself, vitality, and drive
moon - what you are emotionally tied to
mercury - where there is activity/ideas/info
venus - what areas of life you find pleasure and happiness (especially concerning people and money)
mars - where you find confidence, energy, persistence, independence and/or conflict
jupiter - where you find opportunity/luck/overindulgence/blessings
saturn - where you experience frustration, limitations, hard but important lessons
uranus - sudden changes, liberation, and the unexpected
neptune - fears, misconceptions, fantasies and imagination also where things seem to “blur” for you this year
pluto - dread, change, upheaval, determination
✺ asteroids/other things ✺
chiron - what keeps hurting you this year
lilith - where we rebel and obsess over, and want to have things our way
part of fortune - happiness and luck
vertex - the sign, house + degree gives insight to impactful events ahead
✺ signs ✺
aries - where you are able to take the lead and have more control
taurus - where you want to feel stable, secure, and resourceful
gemini - where you may be multitasking, where you have to communicate/talk a lot
cancer - where you feel comforted, understood, taken care of
leo - where you want to express your creative and fun side, where you want to shine
virgo - where things may seem a little more mundane, where you are adaptable with schedules/work
libra - where you are kind and personable, where you experience harmony with others
scorpio - where you find personal deaths and/or tenacity
saggitarius - where you experience freedom and expansion
capricorn - where you are goal-oriented and responsible
aquarius - where you embrace new/eccentric ideas and experiences (especially having to do with the internet or people at large)
pisces - where fantasies/creativity/imagination play out, where things may seem too good to be true
✺ houses ✺
1st - how you approach the year ahead, qualities you want to exude
2nd - how you set yourself up for the year (material and non-material)
3rd - how communications and info are brought up
4th - what your private/home life is like
5th - how you express creativity/romance/fun
6th - what your schedules/daily routines/self-improvement may look like
7th - what qualities all relationships (especially enemies and allies) may embody this year
8th - what things are being changed (loss and rebirth)
9th - what things give you faith and hope, how you find opportunity
10th - what your long-term goals and responsibilities may be like, reputation
11th - social circles, communities at large, and goals + aspirations
12th - mental health, healing, spirituality, and isolation
✺ when planets are in retrograde ✺
planets and asteroids that are retrograde mean that that planet struggle to outwardly express their traits. expect some delays, frustrations, and/or thinking as to the planet’s traits
4. house rulers
once you’ve made sense of the houses and signs in them, check for where each house ruler resides in the chart and check for important aspects (i do under 3 degrees and under but the orb is up to you) such as conjunctions, sextiles, trines, squares, and oppositions (if you guys would like i can make a post about aspects) and you can count minor aspects if you would like as well but i personally don’t
here is an example:
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the 3rd house is in libra, with the ruler in the 5th house in saggitarius, conjunct mercury, opposing mars and making a sextile to saturn. third house in libra could mean that communication and info seem to be highlighted in one-on-one relationships and may be pretty harmonic and diplomatic as well (especially with the mercury conjunct venus aspect). this being in the 5th house means that info/communication may be a source of happiness and creativity this year. maybe something to do with the arts! the ruler conjunct mercury may emphasize the fact that there’s communication with multiple people and information exchange is also a main theme. the opposition to mars may mean that it’s hard to assert confidence or leadership when this person talks with others this year. with the sextile to saturn in the 7th though, this encourages that this person should practice patience and restraint in social matters, particularly when forming connections with others.
house systems for solar return chart?
whatever you prefer!! i personally like whole signs though
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hope you enjoyed!
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disneyprincemuke · 6 months
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midnights, 7 * mv1
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the news is out: three time world champion, max verstappen, and his girlfriend of 6 years have been broken up since the singapore weekend.
pairings: max verstappen x fem!reader
warnings: -
notes: wow i took thE longest break from this
(series masterlist)
(prev) // (next)
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max isn’t typically the type to let panic settle in. at least, that’s what he likes to think. he likes to tell people he’s not bothered but outsiders are always quick to catch up with his suppressed emotions. 
alas, his worst fears have come true. news has broken that you’ve been broken up for almost 2 months. 
he has not been able to talk about it with daniel, so he can only imagine how things will break down in austin. 
he hopes that it’s not actually that big of a deal. plenty of other drivers have gotten themselves in messier breakups — the post doesn’t seem to touch on any speculations about how yours had come about. he can only bank on the hope that journalists are empathetic enough not to bring you up. 
but you’ve been very involved in his career and the cameras on the paddocks. they never missed the chance to have you speak into a mic or have a private conversation with you. 
pictures snapped of you together are never posted, but would be directly sent to either of you to truly encompass the privacy of your relationship. the respect shared between you and everyone on the paddocks was treasured, which is probably why your presence had been notable after you abruptly disappeared. 
he sinks into his couch, phone in hand as he stares at the pictures that sparked up speculations. it’s a low-quality picture of you leaving the red bull home, head down as your hair shied you away from the camera. the second picture is of him coming out of the building, hair dishevelled as he stood with his arms folded over his chest.
“what do i do?” max mumbles, his finger swiping over the screen again and again, staring at the two pictures. as if it would change the course of things if he did it enough. “do i talk to her?”
“i don’t know, man,” daniel sighs, his face in the far corner of max’s screen. “i mean, the best you can do is to wait it out, right?”
“rumours could spread,” charles mutters, looking away briefly with his eyes widened. “if i were you, i’d want to do some damage control. but that’s probably just me.”
max sits back, staring at the empty half of his hotel bed. your absence is always noted when he’s all alone and he's too awake for his own good, once having the luxury of your company and bright smile making him feel giddy.
the difference between this breakup and all of charles' is that there is no controversy in this one. as far as he's concerned, this is all speculation from photos that are now circulating the internet and your obvious absence on race weekends.
nobody can even really confirm if it's true unless you or max say something. for now, they're just rumours. right?
unless you've started speaking to people, and gossip platforms. but you wouldn't do any of that, or at least that's what he's telling himself. but from what he can dig out of the grave in his brain, there was nothing that happened between you that can be twisted.
but what does he know?
he can only keep praying to the fact that you'll keep it as private as you usually do.
his phone is buzzing endlessly, his other friends sending him texts as the news shocks them as much as the world. lando is asking him if he's holding up fine, martin is expressing how he feels for max, and his own mother asking him why he hadn't told her earlier.
only victoria's message will be getting an answer. after all, she's the first person that found out.
"should i talk to her?" max thinks out loud, maximising the facetime call to get a good look at his friends' reactions. "she never does well with things like this, what if people are bothering her?"
charles' picture is overtaken by alexandra's face, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. "you wanna talk to her?"
max shrugs. "i don't know. maybe?"
"would that be the best choice though?" daniel tilts his head. behind him, heidi is approaching cautiously with a small smile. "babe, what do you think?"
heidi shrugs as daniel's camera slowly turns to her. "my opinion is probably not - it's been two months. and judging by the comments that i read, i don't think there's much disrespect that has to be told off publicly."
alexandra nods as charles slowly comes back into the frame next to her. "it's up to you, max. as of right now, it doesn't seem that serious."
max sighs again, this time louder as he feels everything coming down on him. he drops his head back and stares at the ceiling. "i don't know, you guys," he sighs again loudly. "i just want to know if she's alright."
"maybe not now, mate," charles answers sympathetically, frowning at him through the camera.
"just wait it out. it could die down quicker than you think," daniel says hopefully.
max nods, now suddenly feeling disinterest in their conversation. he only craves to be by himself now. "alright, i'll catch you guys in a bit," his eyes turn to the cats sleeping peacefully on the cat tree, "i've got to feed the cats."
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taglist: @merchelsea @leclercdream @labelledejourr @laneyspaulding19 @lpab @graciewrote @hollie911 @thatsojasminesworld @mycenterfold @princessria127 @ironmaiden1313 @dl-yum @crlsummer @brekkers-whore @minkyungseokie @honethatty12 @barelytolerabled @vellicora @lokigoeschoki @avg-golden-retriever
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genericpuff · 1 month
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I'm sorry, but this should come as a shock to absolutely no one.
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Just a little bit of 'insider info' (and by 'insider' I mean I was a part of the beta testing crew a few years ago) Webtoons has been messing with AI tools for years. You can literally play test that very same AI tool that I beta-tested here:
Mind you, this is just an AI Painter, similar to the Clip Studio Colorize tool, but it goes to show where WT's priorities are headed. I should mention, btw, that this tool is incredibly useless for anyone not creating a Korean-style webtoon, like you can deadass tell it was trained exclusively on the imports because it can't handle any skin tone outside of white (trying to use darker colors just translates as "shadows" to the program, meaning it'll just cast some fugly ass shadows over a white-toned character no matter how hard you try) and you just know the AI wouldn't know what to do with itself if you gave it an art style that didn't exactly match with the provided samples lmao
And let's be real, can we really expect the company that regularly exploits, underpays, and overworks its creators to give a damn about the ethical concerns of AI? They're gonna take the path of least resistance to make the most money possible.
So the fact that we're now seeing AI comics popping up on Webtoons left and right - and now, an actual "Webtoon AI" branding label - should come as zero shock to anyone. Webtoons is about quantity over quality and so AI is the natural progression of that.
So yeah, if you were looking for any sign to check out other platforms outside of Webtoons, this is it. Here are some of my own recommendations:
ComicFury - Independently run, zero ads, zero subscription costs (though I def recommend supporting them on Patreon if you're able), full control over site appearance, optional hosting for only the cost of the domain name, and best of all, strictly anti-AI. Not allowed, not even with proper labelling or disclosure. Full offense to the tech bro hacks, eat shit.
GlobalComix - Very polished hosting site that offers loads of monetization tools for creators without any exclusive contracts or subscriptions needed. They do offer a subscription program, but that's purely for reading the comics on the site that are exclusively behind paywalls. Not strictly anti-AI but does require in their ToS that AI comics be properly labelled and disclosed, whether they're made partially or fully with AI, to ensure transparency for readers who want to avoid AI comics.
Neocities - If you want to create your own site the good ole' fashioned way (i.e. HTML / CSS) this is the place. Independently run, offers a subscription plan for people who want more storage and bandwidth but it only costs $5/month so it's very inexpensive, and even without that subscription cost you won't have to deal with ads or corporate management bullshit.
Be safe out there pals, don't be afraid to set out into the unknown if it means protecting your work and keeping your control as a creator. Know your rights, know your power.
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zablife · 22 days
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Lovefool
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Tommy x gf reader
Summary: An infatuated Tommy finds his gf in a state of confusion, leading him to question her devotion. Will she say she loves him and not another?
Author's Note: Requested by @runnning-outof-time who asked for a story set in the room pictured above. Image credit goes to K for that lovely image in the center of the moodboard!
The soft glow of the fading afternoon sunlight gave an ethereal quality to your family’s drawing room, the pale ivory walls bathed in swaths of peach and gold that welcomed Tommy in despite his late arrival.
Arms full of flowers and lips overflowing with apologies, he carefully approached the center of the room. As he waited to see how you might receive him, his eager blue eyes roved the intricate scrollwork of the plaster moldings which cascaded from the ceiling and walls like clouds come down from heaven.
The high shine of the polished parquet floors reflected the warmth of the sun’s radiance upon your skin, bringing his gaze back to you and the sight left him enchanted. He stuttered out a quiet breath in appreciation of your angelic form in a white satin gown and matching gloves. But as Tommy moved to place a kiss upon your cheek, you shrunk way from him, an unreadable expression crossing your face.
Bringing the bouquet to your nose, you inhaled their rich perfume deeply, a hint of satisfied contentment settling over you. It was not to last. Tommy watched as your mood soon shifted like the wind, your hands relinquishing the colorful blooms moments later to a nearby table.
With an aching dread growing in his chest, he noted the distance between you as you retreated to the semicircular alcove of tall windows. Without so much as a backward glance, you walked into the light, leaving him far behind.
It was not the welcome to which he'd grown accustomed. The evenings of months past were spent intertwined on the sofa as you read from one of your favorite novels, stopping for him to brush the tendrils from your vision so you might continue or share a bit of gossip with him.
An uncharacteristic air of despondency seemed to take hold now as you looked out into the open space before you. Many moments passed in silence, your arms clutched tightly against your body before you finally proclaimed, “You shouldn’t have come tonight, Tom.”
“Why? Are you expecting someone else?” he asked with a half hearted laugh. A harsh gulp followed your silence, afraid to hear the answer.
“As a matter of fact, I am,” you confirmed, pulling back the heavy brocade curtains. Your eyes scanned the front lawn for movement, sensing only the shadows passing over the hedgerow.
As the sun dipped in the sky, a single beam of sunlight graced the ornate marble fountain. The light danced across the rippling water, twinkling back at you in an array of glittering gold and you smiled to yourself as you thought of the magic this particular hour held. In the days after your introduction to Tommy and his love of horses, you would often stroll the grounds near the stables before dinner. However, your joy was quickly stolen by thoughts of what your father had said at breakfast.
Tommy sighed heavily behind you and you glanced over your shoulder to see him slowly approaching.
“Tommy, please, don’t,” you shook your head softly as he began to reach for you. 
“What’s wrong, eh?” his tone was gentle, but the concern he held was evident by the crease of his brow as he noted your puffy lower lip, swollen from your incessant biting. He’d come to notice it was a nervous habit of yours, albeit one that made you even more attractive. He would have kissed your ruby red lips if you hadn’t looked so distressed.
“Father says I ought to consider my options for the future. I’m afraid that no longer includes you,” you confessed flatly, afraid you’d lose control of your emotions if you didn’t hold tightly to the facade of well-mannered elegance.
Tommy's jaw clenched involuntarily at the thought of your father's duplicitousness, but also chided himself for being so thoroughly distracted by the mess Michael had made of everyone's finances recently. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he attempted a calming breath before asking, “And what of your mother?”
“Mother says I shouldn’t bother with someone who doesn’t deserve me,” you answered without considering how hurtful your declaration sounded. As soon as the words left your mouth, you recoiled slightly at the harshness. Eyes flicking up toward Tommy’s crestfallen face, you added defensively, “You’ve been away for weeks now with so few calls."
“I see,” Tommy uttered on a low breath. It was true the board meetings and paperwork had taken more of his time than he would have liked. “There were things I had to take care of,” Tommy began to explain before you cut him off.
“Yes, I understand, but that doesn't change the fact that mother says you’re not serious about me," you argued.
Fidgeting with your gloves you admitted that your parents had invited a handsome Bostonian named Jack Nelson to dinner one evening. With their blessing he'd taken you to the pictures and then dancing. Soon he was a regular guest at your parents' home, usurping Tommy's place at the table.
Tommy felt all the air leave the room as he recognized the name of the rival gangster. They'd seen one another two weeks earlier in London and exchanged cryptic remarks about his penchant for blue bloods and aspiration which made perfect sense now.
“You’d consider Jack Nelson’s proposal?” Tommy winced as he recalled the unsettling curl of the man's upper lip when he smirked.
“I don't know, I’m lost in confusion,” you cried, eyes brimming with tears. 
Tommy ran a hand through his hair, unable to believe what he’d just heard. Surely you had to know the difference between his love for you and whatever false promises Jack had made.
The sound of tires crunching against the gravel drive signaled an end to your discussion and you quickly dried your tears. Chin raised high, you prepared to take your leave when Tommy reached for your arm.
“Don’t go,” he pleaded.
"But...my parents...they're expecting me" you stuttered, lost in the deep blue pools of his eyes so close to you they now threatened to swallow you.
Tommy's palm caressed your arm, warmth spreading up you like the last ray of sunlight fading from view. You couldn't help leaning into his touch, needing to hear what he would say.
“I'm sorry I wasn't here, but you have to know...I haven’t spent a day without thinking about you,” he confessed, eyes glistening hopefully.
A single tear cascaded down your cheek at his admission, savoring the words you'd longed to hear even though you knew they came too late.
Tommy's heart clenched in his chest at the sight of it, silently willing you to listen a moment longer. "Does he know?"
"Know what?" you whispered.
"That you like simple daisies most? Or that you're allergic to lavender?" he asked in a pinched voice, a lump growing in his throat at the thought of your hand slipping from his and losing you forever.
"Oh, Tommy..." you sighed, realizing he'd recognized your habit of pressing the delicate white flowers into your books when he brought them to you and how you sneezed when you'd passed the rows of purple blooms your mother planted in the garden. "I...I don't think anyone ever thought to notice," you admitted sadly. Your comfort had never been a priority to anyone before.
Tommy brought you in close to his body, stroking your back gently as he spoke. "You're the most precious thing to me in this world. How could I not have noticed?"
With that you began to weep openly and he embraced you tightly, his lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss.
"Everything's going to be fine, darling. I'll speak with your father and make things right. I love you," he swore to you with such earnestness you didn't doubt him for a moment.
“I love you too, Tommy,” you answered breathlessly.
Wiping your tears away with pad of his thumb, Tommy's grin widened and his eyes twinkled with mischief as he added, "Then let's go tell that Nelson bastard to fuck off!"
"Yes, let's!" you agreed with a giggle. And you exited the drawing room hand in hand.
----------------------------
Tag List:
@peakyswritings
@evita-shelby
@shelbydelrey
@alanadetigy
@severewobblerlightdragon
@lovemissyhoneybee
@theshelbyslimited
@kittycatcait219
@callsign-fangirl
@red-riding-wood
@polishcrazyone
@elenavampire21
@little-diable
@lyarr24
@jomarch-wannabe
@the-fangirl-diaries
@kmc1989
@everythingelseisextra
@helen06dreamer
@chaosinkest1996
@pietroxreader
@galactict3a
@ietss
@mostly-marvel-musings
@writeroutoftime
@yolobloggers
@outlanderuniverse
@anilovessadbooks
@tremendousstarlighttragedy
@elliaze
@leenieweenie12
@garrison-girl-08
@cillmequick
@look-at-the-soul
@dandelionprints
@runnning-outof-time
@brummiereader
@call-sign-shark
@thomashelbyswife
@peakyltd
@dearshelby
@holacia3
@little-space-babe
@skydisneylover
@snickersmee
@theimperiumchronicles
@neonpurplestars89-blog
@kpopgirlbtssvt
@tommyshelbysrighthand
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blindmagdalena · 10 days
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Guilty Pleasures ( chapter three )
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18+ 7.3k homelander x plus size f!reader. workplace harassment, stalking, voyeurism, assault (not perpetrated by HL), violence, smol murder, manipulation/gaslighting, hurt/comfort. nebulously takes place post s1. part 3/4. AO3 link. CH I CH 2 CH 4
Homelander will do whatever it takes to convince you that he's the hero you need.
hello, friends! hopefully this chapter being longer than the first two combined makes up for the fact it took me three months to write it. as you can tell, it sort of spiraled out of control from being two chapters, then three, and now four. the good news is that chapter four (the last one! i promise!) is complete, and i'll be posting it next week. i hope you enjoy it! 🖤
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It’s shortly after one o’clock when Homelander knocks a whimsical melody against your office door, deciding he shouldn’t be precisely on time, lest he look as eager as he feels. He can already smell your perfume wafting through the doorway–the same scent he feverishly pumped his cock to the night before–as a teaser of what’s to come.
“Come in,” you call from the other side.
Homelander takes in a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. He screws his eyes shut, pinching his expression in a tight squeeze before he replaces it with a flashy grin, squaring away his anticipation in favor of his showman persona.
“Goooooood afternoon,” he drawls, strolling in with the same feigned level of confidence he’s entered every other moment of your life since stumbling across you, whether you knew it or not. He’s taken aback almost immediately, slowing in how he closes the door behind him.
You look nicer than usual. Your hair is styled with more conscious effort, and he’s been in show business long enough to recognize the makeup on your face. The shine of your blouse is a quality silk blend, and he can’t hear the scrape of cheap cotton underneath it anymore. No, you’re wearing something nice below, too. His lips slowly spread into a self-satisfied smile. 
You dressed up for him. 
Homelander takes the seat set across from you, sweeping his cape to the side with a flourish. He watches you tuck an empty container–your lunch, presumably–into a side drawer of your desk. His eyes closely track the way you lift your thumb to the corner of your mouth and swipe residue from it, sucking the mess from your digit. A distinct pang of arousal hits him just watching your cheeks hollow.
Imagine what she could do with that mouth.
“And good afternoon to you, Homelander,” you respond, straightening up in your seat. His gaze briefly dips to the swell of your breasts as you adjust yourself, casually dusting away any remnants of your lunch. Saliva gathers on his tongue at the instant memory of you scantily clad in your sleep wear, nothing but a thin sheet of worn fabric between you and his hunger. His eyes snap back up before you can take notice of how they wandered.
Lucky for him, you’re busy splaying out the folder he brought you the day before, scanning over the list of bullet points he’d slapped together for the sake of having enough talking points.
“I wanted to start with your concerns regarding the marketing for your upcoming miniseries,” you say, glancing up at him.
He clicks his tongue. “Wow, alright. Straight to business then,” he says, absently rolling his palms over the ends of the armrests on either side of him.
“I’m very bad at small talk,” you say. Probably to diffuse any notion that you were being rude on purpose.
“Ch’yeah, I’ll say,” he says, smiling thinly. “Lucky that you’re good at your job.”
“Shockingly, I was actually a personality hire. I don’t know what any of this means,” you say, matching his thinly veiled snark while gesturing to the spread of documents in front of you. He snorts softly. You have a knack for using that sharp wit to diffuse, but he doesn’t feel manipulated. You actually are funny. “I was hoping you’d explain your concerns.”
Smooth segue, he thinks, his eyes narrowing appraisingly. He’s worked enough interviews to know when he’s being led, but he takes the bait anyways, widening his smile.
“Sounds great.”
Homelander knows that you’re sharp, good at your job, but he needs to needle you into giving him what he wants. He wants to understand you, and the stack of his films he found hidden in your apartment. What he gets in the meantime is ample taste of your silver tongue, parrying his every jab with an equally sharp counter.
He can’t keep the smile from his face.
Gradually a level of familiarity slips into the air between you. He can see some of that tension in your shoulders easing. He’s steadily wearing down the walls you’ve managed to construct.
“I still think audiences will be confused,” he says, feigning a profound concern, stretching out the time of your little appointment.
“Well, audiences are a lot like celebrities,” you say, the hard candied shell of your professional exterior thinning with every back and forth, poised to crack at any second.  “They’re smarter than we think they are.”
“Oohh, ouch,” he purrs. “Nice backhand you got there.”
A twitch at the corner of your mouth. He knows you’re fighting a smile of your own, and pride blooms warmly in his chest. He likes sparring with you, but he likes pleasing you even more.
“I disagree about market confusion. Your diehard audience will already be up to speed, your broader target audience will show up for anything with your face on it, and anyone more casual than that likely won’t have seen the miniseries anyways, so there’s nothing to confuse it with,” you say, scanning down through one of the pages of the document he gave you.
Perfect opening.
“And which audience is it you fall into, exactly?” He asks, cocking his head a degree. “I mean, given your position, I have to imagine you’ve seen my range of film and television.”
“I’ve done my due diligence,” you say vaguely. You’re good at answering without answering. Normally it would irritate him, but your forced aloofness combined with your closely guarded–and inexplicably secret–veneration of him makes it into tantalizing bait begging for the sharp sink of his teeth.
“So you’ve seen all my movies, then?” He extrapolates, setting a line of his own.
You chuckle, gaze flickering to him before back down to the pages. Too brief a glance to even come close to satisfying his hunger. “I didn’t say that.”
He scoffs lightly. “But you’re a fan of mine?”
“I definitely didn’t say that.” He can sense he’s hit a vein, and like any good predator would, he’s eager to bite into it.
“C’mon. Don’t tell me you’re shy,” he continues to prod, leaning forward slightly in his seat.
You inhale a breath that you barely prevent from sounding too obviously irritated. His grin remains untarnished by the scrutiny of your unwavering stare. There it is, that’s what he wants. The weight of your gaze upon him, evaluating, taking him in fully. He doesn’t care how he gets it, he just knows he wants it.
“You are shy,” he accuses, knowing you aren’t.
“I’m not shy, I’m a professional,” you say curtly, the scratch of your pen scathing while you write notations on the document.
Good, he thinks. More likely to slip up now.
“Jeeze,” he laughs. “You’re wound up tighter than my fictional manager in Darkest Day.”
“You didn’t have a manager in Darkest Day, that was Origins,” you correct. After a beat, your hand stills.
Homelander’s gaze slowly slides to meet yours. He watches your face fall and clicks his tongue. He positively relishes how your mask of indifference slips into subtle dismay at your misstep. Such a simple bit of trivia, and yet it spoke volumes.
Got’cha.
“You do watch my movies,” he said, tone dropping to a near whisper. He revels in the quiet way you groan, leaning back in your chair. 
“Only the ones I was paid to,” you say, straightening up in your chair, but he can hear the defeat in your voice.
“Liar,” he says through his perpetual grin. “Don’t be embarrassed. How long have you been a fan?”
“Stop,” you say, burying your face in your hands. Oh, this is good. Was he your first crush? Your favorite hero? He must be still, judging by the flush of heat moving through you. All that pretense, all that haughty glowering, and beneath it all you’re a fan girl. He almost laughs at the thought of the face you’d make if he called you that. 
“Which was your favorite?” He asks, burying the knife deeper, eager to cut through flesh and muscle and bone to get to the heart of truth beneath. “Bright World? Rise of a Hero? Justice Dawning?”
“I despise you,” you say melodramatically, digging your thumbs into your temples. “Also, Justice Dawning was cheesy, I’m offended you’d even offer it.” You try not to smile, but it happens anyway, and as soon as that secret little smile sneaks onto your lips it brightens Homelander’s eyes, reflecting your amusement back to you. Not just that, but amplifying it.
“You’ll learn to love me,” he tells you with confidence. You drop your hands, looking at him with subtle surprise. He holds your gaze. The earnestness of his words seems to dispel your mortification and replaces it with something more difficult to define, but he likes the shine it brings to your eyes.
The taste of your defeat is sumptuous. He’d prefer licking it straight from your tongue, but he’ll settle for this for the time being. An easiness settles into the air between you, deeper even than before your hackles rose with the lurking reality of your hidden opinion of him. It’s like a bubble has popped, dissipating uncomfortable tension, replacing it with something warmer.
He has every intention of turning up the heat even further.
The meeting moves forward. You work your way through his folder, and during a natural lull in conversation, he finally broaches the topic that’s been plaguing him since he stepped into your office.
“So,” he begins, interlacing his gloved fingers in his lap. “Gonna tell me what you’re all dressed up for?” He asks, wearing the same smile and speaking in the same tone he had when he baited you into admitting your secret love affair with his cinema.
He wants to hear you say that it’s for him, but he’ll settle for a flustered deflection. They’re as good as the same.
“Oh,” you huff with an airy little laugh, the sound like silver bells chiming. “I have a date tonight.”
You say something else, but Homelander doesn’t hear it over the tidal-like rush in his ears. He watches your pretty lips form words that he can’t understand. Everything falls out of focus as he tightly reins in the white hot rush of furious jealousy that floods his gut and erupts up the back of his throat like bile. He swallows the burn of it, jaw tight, and manages a tense smile.
“Great,” he barks, not realizing–or perhaps not caring–that he interrupted you. “First date?”
“First date,” you confirm, your tone less conversational than it had been a beat ago. The walls are going back up, but he’s too fixated on what feels like a stabbing betrayal.
“Exciting,” he says, adjusting his tone and mannerisms until they once more resemble something genuine. Something civil, despite the hostility in his gut. “Someone you know? Going anywhere special?”
“No, and not really,” you say evasively. He loathes how withdrawn you’ve become. You should be pleased he’s put off. Gloating even. It’s proof he cares, isn’t it? “It was his suggestion.” His. The leather of Homelander’s glove creaks subtly in the fist he makes. “I forget the name of the place,” you say, avoiding his gaze.
His right cheek tics. Liar, liar, pants on fire. People always underestimate his ability to read them.
You’ll learn not to lie to him.
“But you have an out if you need it, don’t you? Someone to bail you out in case he turns out to be some kind of freak,” he says, huffing the word with a lick of venom. It takes significant effort to keep the disdain from his face to imagine you as you are now sitting across from some nobody schmuck, lit by candlelight and smiling sweetly for them instead of for him.
“I always do,” you say, smiling thinly. He curates his own tone often enough to hear it in yours, and it pierces his ears like a thistle. He taps his fingers on his thigh, scrounging for something, anything else to needle you for, but your responses don’t give him much to work with.
“Well. If you did need someone–”
“I’m a big girl,” you interrupt, surprising him. He’s rarely interrupted. “I can take care of myself.”
At that, a thought strikes him. The slack line of his lips curls into a thin smile, and his hands relax on the armrests of the chair.
“I’m sure you can.”
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Shaking off the aftermath of your one-on-one with Homelander proves to be more difficult than you’d anticipated. You replay it nearly moment for moment in your mind while freshening up after work. 
Homelander has an uncanny knack for moving through demeanors as though he’s trying hats, determining which one best suits the situation. One moment he’s a slick carnivore licking his chops in anticipation of his meal to come, and the next he’s every ounce the hero they market him as. He’d been relentlessly charming during the meeting, his charismatic smile becoming one you’d wanted to earn again and again. 
Then came the news of your date, and all at once Homelander possessed the ominous calm of a sentient statue. The moment still sends an eerie chill down your spine, even in recollection. How radically his appearance can change with mood or thought alone. You’d hate to ever see him truly angry.
“Get a hold of yourself,” you say to the bathroom mirror. You have a date tonight, and the last thing you need is to bring this kind of nervous energy to it. Powers or not, the commonality of man is easy to rely on, and you’ve developed the tactical mindset of an aloof cat. Never beg for what can be given freely. Never give more than you get. Never settle. “Be the cat,” you tell yourself affirmatively. 
A directive which, unfortunately, winds up being exceedingly easy to follow through the course of your date. James, bless his heart, struggles to wring more than the occasional piteous chuckle from you. Conversation with him is akin to drinking seltzer water–he is neither offensive nor particularly exciting, being only a step above plain water.
Perhaps James’ blandness isn’t entirely his own fault, but rather the basis of comparison he is subjected to. Throughout the night, you find yourself critical of the way he looks at you–or rather, the way he fails to look at you. Your thoughts keep drifting back to your meeting with Homelander and the way he looks at you. The intense ocean-blue caress of his eyes summons a blush to your cheeks even in hindsight.
He looks at you in a way that no one else does. It's as if he's trying to memorize the smallest details in your skin, to uncover every secret trapped behind your guarded gaze. He has a stare determined to lay you entirely bare to him.
James’ wine dulled ogling could hardly hold a candle to that. Looking into his eyes, you see only the planning for whatever dullard comment he was going to make next.
Still, it’s not until the end of your date–an exceptionally long two and a half hours thanks to a mishap with your order–that James displays a behavior unsavory enough to elicit a truly unpleasant feeling in you. He’s quite clingy after a few too many glasses of wine. He walks you out of the restaurant with an arm around your waist, and more than once you have to bat his hand away from the seam where your blouse is tucked into your skirt.
“You in the parking garage or the back lot?” He asks, smiling in a way he must mean to be salacious, eyes half-lidded like he’s lost control of them.
“The back lot.” Parking was a nightmare with how late you arrived after work. “Is that where you are?” You ask, hoping it isn’t.
“No, no, I actually took an Uber in,” he says, and you know immediately by the way he starts tapping your hip with his index finger why he chose to do that.
“Want me to wait for you here until your Uber arrives, then?” You ask, turning out of his grasp to stand face to face with him outside of the restaurant. It’s late enough now that the streets have calmed some, at least by New York’s standards.
James’ expression falters, but he tries for a recovery with a hopeful smile. “Well, you know, I was sort of hoping we might continue this elsewhere,” he says, slipping his hands into his pockets. Is he trying to look suave?
“Oh, no,” you say, putting forth your very best sympathetic head tilt, matched with a well placed brow furrow. “No thank you.”
This time his expression doesn’t recover. His hands lift from his pocket and he makes a helpless gesture with them, very nearly pleading. “Really? I thought we were having a nice time.”
“And I’m so glad for that,” you say, and even you can hear the corporate edge sliding into your tone, which doesn’t seem to soothe him any. “But it’s for the best that we part ways here, James. Thanks for your time.”
“But–” Your inarguable dismissal staggers him. He gropes for recourse. “I paid,” he blurts out, which proves to be his final mistake.
Your polite facade drops. “For what?“ His booze addled panic shifts into confusion. “F…For dinner, but I didn’t mean–”
“And that entitles you to fuck me?” No sense in mincing words now.
His expression morphs again, this time into mortification. “No! No, but–”
“You thought this would be a transaction? God, and here I was thinking your gravest flaw would be how mind-numbingly boring you are. But to be boring and stupid?” You scoff, waving a dismissive hand. “Goodnight, James,” you say, the kindest dismissal you can muster. You turn on your heel before he can sour the evening any further, and luckily for him, he doesn’t pursue you further.
Unbelievable. As if you hadn’t offered to split the check. As if he expected it to be a transaction that he cashed in your bed. As if the cost of dinner was worth anything more than a polite smile from you. As if.
New York doesn’t sleep, but it does grow very, very dark. You’re on a narrow street, not an alley exactly, but not a main road, either. Still riled up, you bring up the parking app on your phone as you walk, swiping through to get ready to pay for your crummy back lot space. A clatter brings your attention up, and that’s when you see them—two men. One wearing a black leather jacket, the other with a kerchief slung around his throat. 
You stop walking, caught between turning around, which would mean putting your back to the men up ahead, or continuing forward, which would mean passing within arm’s reach. They haven’t noticed you yet, or at least they’re pretending not to, but now they look right at you and smile.
The men don’t look dangerous, not like they do in the movies, but you know that means nothing—plenty of the worst people in the world looked safe. Yet the longer you stay put, the more you sense the ill intent wafting off of them like cheap cologne. “Hey, baby,” says one of them, moving toward you. “You lost?”
“No,” you say curtly, taking a step back. “Not lost. Excuse me.”
“You sure? We’re real good with directions,” says the second man, leering. Your eyes snap between them, phone clutched tight in your hand. “Y’look like you could use some.”
“No,” you say again, louder. How loud would you need to be for anyone to hear you over the sounds of the streets? Panic swells in your throat.
You don’t know how they got so close so quickly, but as you turn to run, a hand catches your collar. The guy in the leather jacket wrenches you back against him, one arm wrapping around your shoulders. Your phone clatters to the ground. 
“Hey now, what’s the rush?” He asks, yanking you backwards. “Get off me,” you snarl, but he’s squeezing you tightly across the chest, making it hard to think, let alone breathe. You struggle until you feel something hard dig into your hip. A knife? No. You realize coldly that it’s a gun, the handle of it jutting out from his waistband and digging into you. In a desperate bid, you twist in his grip, trying to grab it.
“Careful,” says the other one, moving in front of you, closing in. “She’s got spirit.”
You kick out at the other guy but he jumps back, laughing at you. They’re both laughing, relishing in your fear. Your fingers skim the gun, but you can’t quite get it.
The first man’s breath is hot and sour on your cheek. “Come on, now, let’s have some fun.” You slam your head back into his nose—or try to, but you only manage to clip his chin. Still, you hit bone, hear the crack of a tooth, and just like that you’re free, stumbling to your hands and knees as the man reels. You hit the ground hard, the shock of landing lancing pain through your arms and legs. The gun tumbles from his waistband. Without thinking twice you lunge for it, fingers successfully closing around the grip right before one of the men grabs your ankle and pulls.
The street bites into your elbows and scrapes your knee bloody as you twist around and raise the gun, barrel leveled at the man’s heart. “LET GO!” You scream, heart hammering against your chest. “Oh shit,” says the man in the kerchief, eyes wide at seeing you armed, but the other one sneers at you, blood spilling from his mouth. There’s fury in his eyes, and the unmistakable intent to hurt you. “You ever held a gun that big, baby?”
“Let go,” you say again, voice firmer than the tremble of your hands. Your finger flexes on the trigger.
“You even know how to use it?” He asks, using his grip on your ankle to pull himself over you, his other hand falling to your thigh. He gives a pointed squeeze as he lifts himself up to tower above you. He reaches to take hold of you again, but you won’t let him. Can’t let him.
“Yes.” You squeeze the trigger as you say it, bracing for the recoil, the bang. It’s always so loud in the movies.
Nothing happens. You panic, looking at the weapon in your hands in dull shock. The safety isn’t on. You pull the trigger again, but the chamber rings hollow. It isn’t loaded. You look up at the man as his shadow falls over you. He bares his teeth at you, painted an ugly dark red with the blood spilling from his mouth. The man laughs, a short barking sound, and knocks the gun from your hands with a harsh slap. It goes skidding away.
“Stupid bitch,” he says, raising his boot as if you were an oversized bug, something to crush. You close your eyes and scream as he brings it down hard.
Or at least, he started to, but his leg locks up halfway, and then he topples, a single horrifying sound leaking from his clenched teeth. Your eyes open just in time to see his body hit the ground, a smoldering wound smoking from his chest. An instant later, the second man falls. This time you see the flash of crimson light that drops him.
Homelander’s cape billows in the wind with all the majesty of the flag it’s designed after as he descends from the sky. He lands in front of you, backlit by the distant street lights that give him an artificial glow. He’s beautiful, a perfectly manufactured angel delivered straight from some market tested Heaven.
“Hey, you hurt?” He asks, reaching for you.
Awestruck, all you can do is stare at his outstretched hand. Tears well in your eyes. Shock is setting in the aftermath of all that adrenaline in your veins crashing your system. Through the blur of your tears, Homelander’s expression shifts from concern to that of determination.
“It’s alright, I’m here now. They can’t hurt you,” he says, bringing your arm around his neck while he slips his own around your waist, effortlessly lifting you from the ground. Before your gaze can drift to the corpses–whose burning flesh you can smell mingling with the acrid city air–Homelander rotates, taking them from your line of sight. 
With a flourish, he unhitches his cape from his shoulders and swings the fabric over yours. It settles on you heavier than you expected it to be, and impossibly warm. Moving back in, Homelader readily takes you back into his arms. He cradles you in his embrace, one hand cupping the back of your head, the other drawing lines up and down your back.
You try to choke out a sound, to ask him, how? How did he find you? How did he know you needed him? But none of the noises you make form any actual words. Your throat is too tight, and your tongue feels too big for your mouth, gnarled silent by panic. Everything is just too much. Your breaths only grow sharper as tears burn hot streaks down your face.
“Sssshhhhhhh,” he shushes by your ear, lifting you just enough to keep you on your feet, but take the weight of your body from you. His hold is compressive, but not oppressive. It takes everything you have left to lift your other arm around his neck while the sobs overtake you. He continues to hush you, whispering a menagerie of honeyed assurances in your ear, the core sentiment always the same.
I’ve got you. You’re safe now. I won’t let anyone hurt you.
You cry harder, coiling your arms tighter around his neck. He lets you cling to him, lets you sob away your makeup and soak the collar of his suit with the mess of it.
You don’t know how much time passes in your addled state of panic, but eventually your breaths begin to even out, though your heart continues to thunder. Your body isn’t convinced that the danger has vanished yet, eager to turn to flight now that your fight has gone.
“That’s it, just like that,” Homelander praises. “Breathe. Breathe. Good… Light as a feather now, okay? Like you can fly,” he tells you. The weightlessness you feel in his arms helps the idea, helps you to feel like you aren’t being crushed by the terrible weight of such a moment of horror. That’s all it had been, a moment–two at most–and yet the torment of it had felt hours long. Exhaustion falls over you in the wake of adrenaline, and you’re glad for Homelander’s arms around you. You doubt you’d be standing without them.
“Home,” you manage to croak. “Please.” You can still smell the man’s sour breath, the memory even more powerful than the stench of reality.
“I can take you home,” he coos, maintaining that same soothing tone of comfort. “Is that what you want?”
You nod, focusing instead on the vetiver fresh smell of him. You’ve never been near enough to him before to notice it, but now you fixate on it. Anything to drown out the stink of the alley. He smells so much cleaner, like fresh linen drying over green grass in the summer sun.
His arms flex around you before he adjusts them, lifting you smoothly into his arms. Your stomach flips the way it does when you go down a hill in the backseat of a car, gravity loosening its hold on you. You can feel the motion all around you, the wind ghosting over you, but Homelander himself feels motionless against you.
Flying. He’s flying. And so are you.
His cape shields you from the night air bite, pulled snug around you and secured where your bodies are pressed together. You haven’t felt like this since you were a child, cradled with such care and strength that feels beyond your comprehension. Homelander serves as both place and person–somewhere safe, someone kind–and you tuck yourself closer into the sanctuary of his arms, hands fisted in the protective fabric of his cape.
“I’ve got’cha,” he assures you, voice warm in your ear. 
Without a shadow of a doubt, you believe him.
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Homelander doesn’t need to ask where you live. It’s an easy detail to brush off if you question him. He doubts you will with the way you’re clinging to him, though. You feel good in his arms, settling so naturally against the contours of them he might convince himself you belong here. He doesn’t mind your weeping when it comes with your arms around him, fingertips brushing the nape of his neck.
A small shiver rolls down his spine.
Of all the ways Homelander expected the evening to unfold, he hadn’t properly anticipated you. While he cradles you, he replays again and again the moment you were snatched. You fought without hesitation. You wrenched the gun free. The fierceness in your eyes as you aimed it had been exquisite. The resolve in your gaze as you fired it even more so.
He’d known you were confident, but that kind of clawing survival can only be learned of a person in action. He’s known many supposedly strong people–supe and human alike–who walk as stone giants, but shatter like glass when faced with any real danger.
You couldn’t have known that you weren’t in any real danger. You couldn’t have known that he’d told those thugs to scare you, but not hurt you. You couldn’t have known he’d ensured the gun wasn’t loaded. You fought as though it was for your life, and it enthralled him.
He hadn’t planned on killing them in front of you. They would have been loose ends to tie up after his heroic rescue, but somewhere along the line that stupid bastard lost the thread. He hurt you, bloodied those pretty knees of yours, and he moved to strike you. To grind you beneath his heel as if you were the vermin instead of him. For that–and for so flagrantly going against Homelander’s own direct order–you witnessed his downfall.
As far as he’s concerned now, everything happened precisely as it needed to. You’re in his arms now, and he’s still half hard from witnessing you choose fight when your instincts kicked in. You’re too fragile to choose it so readily. Your bones feel bird-like compared to the scope of his strength. Hollow and brittle. You would make for a hell of a supe, though.
Still, he won’t break you. He’s spent his entire life learning what it takes to snap bones like party favors, and more crucially, what it takes not to. Yours are safe from him. In fact, you’re the safest person in the whole world now.
Homelander glides down to a soft landing on your driveway. Your car will be an issue for another time. For now, he walks you to your front door before gently placing you on your feet.
“Believe this is you, young lady,” he says, leaving space for plausible deniability. If it occurs to you to interrogate him about it, it doesn’t show on your face. With hands still softly trembling, you fish your keys out of your purse. He watches you fumble with them for only a moment before he steps in behind you, one hand gripping your upper arm to steady and pause you while the other covers your shaking hand, helping you to slide the key into the lock and turn it.
Your hand fits nicely in his.
“Thanks,” you whisper. It’s the first thing you’ve said since asking him to take you home. He takes the liberty of opening the door for you while he’s at it, swinging it wide to allow you in. You grab his forearm, and he thinks you’re only balancing yourself, but when you don’t let go he steps with you, letting you lean on him as you guide him into your home. He closes the door behind the two of you, smiling to himself.
He may not need an invitation to enter, but it’s charming to have one.
Your movements are stiff, a slight limp to your gait. You fell hard, and the delicate flesh of your knee had ripped apart against the concrete when you were dragged. You hesitate at the stairs, but Homelander doesn’t. You inhale sharply  when he scoops you back up into his arms with ease and starts up the stairs. He keeps his gaze ahead, but he can feel yours on him.
“Thanks,” you say again, the word barely more than a hiccup, adjusting his cape over yourself like a blanket.
“It’s what heroes are for.” He smiles. It’s a party line, one he’s said a hundred thousand times before, but you make him mean it. This is what heroes are for. To be worshiped and loved, understood deeper than pop stars and false idols like them. There’s a reverence in your stare that transcends the vapid starstruck way most people look at him. You understand now. You know how much more he is.
He brings you to your bedroom and sets you on the edge of the bed, adjusting his cape back up over your shoulders. You’ve scarcely let go of it since he wrapped you in it. Will you sleep with it tonight? He bets you will. The thought sends a pleasant tingle through him. 
“Alright, let’s get a look at those knees,” he says, crouching in front of you. There’s blood running down your left shin. He lifts the edge of your skirt hem just enough to catch a glimpse of shredded skin. It looks rough, dirty and embedded with bits of debris. He blows out a breath. “Got a first aid kit?”
You nod numbly. “Under the bathroom sink.”
It’s odd to see you so subdued. He forgets sometimes that you humans can be as emotionally fragile as you are physically. Surely the death of two measly thugs isn’t enough to break you.
Rising, he moves to your bathroom. He feels slightly unbalanced without the sway of his cape behind him, the garment as integral to his physicality as any limb. He rummages through until his hand lands on a bright red fabric pack with a zipper. He gives it a little toss and catches it, bringing it back to you, alongside a wetted towel. He gives the pack a victorious little shake.
“H’okay, down to business.” Homelander kneels before you, splaying open the kit and placing it on your lap. He’s never used one of these before, but he’s pretended to do it on set. How different can it be? He cups your leg, thumb absently smoothing back and forth on your skin while he uses the towel to gently wipe up the blood, dirt and debris from your shin and knee.
You flinch, tense a moment before you relax. “Homelander, you really don’t have to–”
“Am I doing a bad job?” He asks, glancing up at you through his lashes. There’s a playful lilt to his voice.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” you say, the smallest hint of exasperation in your voice. He’s pleased to hear it. Perhaps you’re less wilted from the encounter than he thought. “I just mean that I can–”
“I know you can,” he says, and this time he definitely sees a flare of annoyance. You don’t like being interrupted any more than he does, but you don’t protest further. He smiles, triumphant, and focuses back on the task at hand, petting you the same way one might soothe a wild animal.
There’s a novelty in doing this for real that he hadn’t anticipated. It’s entirely unlike wiping away congealed red corn syrup from an actor. Your skin is sweeter, softer. He suddenly resents his gloves for the barrier they provide, despite his usual reliance for that very thing. He’s meticulous in flicking out the little stones embedded in your skin, spotting each one with ease.
Next, he tears open the alcohol wipes with his teeth and uses them to disinfect, rubbing at the sores. You flinch, sucking in a loud breath through your teeth. “Oopsy-daisy,” he says, switching to gently patting. He has no real concept of what you’re feeling right now. He’s never had a scraped knee before. The scientists at Vought had to get much more creative in order to gauge his capacity for healing.
He imagines they were disappointed to realize that, once damaged, he healed as slowly as a human.
“How’d you find me?” You ask, snapping him out of his unpleasant reminiscence. Your shock seems to have worn off entirely. You look more present, alert to his every move.
“Heard you scream,” he answers simply, unraveling a roll of gauze. That much is true.
“But how? How did you know where I was?” You push, watching him wind the white material around your knee.
“I didn’t,” he lies smoothly. He’s followed enough scripts in his life to do so very well. “If I’d known exactly where you were, I would have been there sooner. I was minding my business on 5th Avenue when I heard you. Familiar voices can…” He makes a vague gesture. “Cut through the din. Voices I want to hear.” 
He thinks he catches you flush at that. Just a touch. He bites back a smirk, pleased with himself. Does it matter if it’s true when it makes you look at him like that?
“I didn’t know your hearing worked like that,” you say, fidgeting with the hem of his cape.
His gaze flickers up every so often to watch your finger pick at the seam, inexplicably charmed by it. “Well, there’s some things not even a super fan can glean,” he teases, securing the gauze with tape. He expects to see a familiar indignation in your expression, but when he looks up, he’s caught off guard by the unmistakable fondness in your eyes.
“I was over the moon when I got my job at Vought,” you say quietly, like you’re whispering in a confessional. “I always wanted to work with heroes.”
“With me?” He pushes, lifting his brows.
Very slightly, you smile. “Yeah. With you.”
“Busted,” he says, his own voice equally soft.
You give him a little nudge with your foot. “Gauze won’t stay by itself. Need to use a roll of self-adhesive wrap,” you say, plucking the beige roll from the kit. He likes the shy warmth in your voice. He would have done much worse to see this side of you. Have the intimacy of your pain, fear and relief all to himself. This glowing affection you’re so full of. He feels drunk on the cocktail of it all.
“Right, obviously,” he says, taking the wrapping from you. “I knew that.”
“Probably should have put a gauze pad under it, too,” you continue, eyes heavily lidded, expression soft.
“Everyone’s a critic,” he laments, affixing the textured bandage around the gauze. You laugh, and the sound of it feels like a space he could belong in.
He checks your other knee, your elbows and your palms, but nowhere else on you calls for anything more than some antiseptic and a few bandaids. With the wrappings secure, he shuffles the mess of supplies haphazardly back into the kit, zipping it up much more bulging and misshapen a state than he found it in. He pushes it under the bed with the towel atop it, standing.
“Good as new. Or close to it,” he says, making a small show of dusting off his hands for a job well done. 
You stand, letting his cape slide off of your shoulders for the first time since he put it on you, the fabric pooling on the bed. You step forward, and of all the things he expects in this moment, you blow them out of the water by suddenly wrapping your arms around him, the soft curves of your body slotting against his in a way that trips something primal and needy in him. He puts his arms around you the second the shock wears off, holding you with the barest fraction of his strength.
Tension drains from your body. Were you nervous he wouldn’t reciprocate? It’s an endearing thought. He gives a deeper, brief squeeze. He can’t remember the last time someone held him.
“Thank you,” you say after a long beat, drawing back. He reluctantly loosens his grip, but not by much. He’s loath to relinquish you so soon after he’s gotten hold of you. “It’s not enough, but I don’t know what could ever be.”
I could make a few suggestions, he thinks, but he doesn’t give voice to the lewd thoughts that follow.
“I’ll never forget what you did for me tonight,” you say. Your face is so near to his, it makes it difficult to focus on anything other than the curve of your lips as you speak.
Instead of responding, Homelander leans in, eyes falling shut.
“Oh,” you say sharply, your soft body suddenly going tense in his arms, stopping him in his tracks. Both of your hands are braced against his chest now, creating a distance that feels craterous. 
He blinks, brows furrowed in confusion. “What?” 
“I’m really tired,” you say, tone shifting to mild diffusion. It reminds him of the way you spoke to James, and his ego stings with both the rejection and the comparison. He’d laughed listening to you reject that pathetic, simpering man. It seems less funny now. 
He scoffs an incredulous little huff. But I saved you, he thinks, indignant panic flaring in his chest. To his dismay, however, the thought doesn’t sound like his own voice. It sounds like James’.
But I paid!
Repulsed, Homelander swallows the thought like bile. If the comparison comes so readily to his own mind, there’s no way you won’t make the connection yourself. He feels his skin prickle like there are fire ants crawling beneath his suit. The memory of James’ pathetic begging is the only thing that keeps his composure together.
“Of course you are,” he says tightly. His smile is forced, slightly too wide. “You should sleep. Rest up. Take the day off tomorrow,” he says stiffly, rattling off lines like they’re pre-recorded. Only then does he surrender his hold on you, hands moving to his hips instead. You take a step back, and he stands straighter to disguise the sting of rejection.
“Thank you,” you say, tone indecipherable. It’s full to the brim with something, but nothing Homelander can parse in his current state. “I–”
“No need,” he dismisses, jumping on the opportunity to end the conversation on his terms. “Really. Just doing my job,” he says, tossing you a little two-finger salute off of his brow, already moving towards your balcony door. You don’t move, watching him from the foot of your bed, arms wrapped around yourself.
“Catch you at the office,” he says. He knows he’s speaking too quickly, but it’s all he can do to keep himself in check. Anger and misery broil in him like vinegar and baking soda, the caustic brew threatening to erupt.
“Okay,” you say, which isn’t particularly what he wants to hear. He turns his back to you, and his smile drops, his ego violently stung. With a force that billows wind through your bedroom, he takes off into the night sky.
You just weren’t ready, he tells himself, gritting his teeth. It’s easier to be angry than embarrassed. He wants to make as much distance between himself and your rejection, flying higher and higher until frost begins collecting on his lashes. He flies until there’s no sound, no oxygen, no life but his own. He flies until gravity releases him and he can finally relax, suspended by cold, vast space.
The earth glows beneath him, reflecting the light of the sun where it illuminates a distant portion of the globe.
Closing his eyes, he tips his head back.
He’ll fix this.
( chapter four )
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