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dukeofankh · 9 months

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I've noticed a really troubling trend in masculinity discourse recently which views the peak of nontoxic masculinity as being totally unreliant on others. It's coming from a harm-reduction place, as is pretty much always the case. The thought process seems to be: 1) Incel shit comes from men feeling entitled to status and possessing women 2) Incels are dangerous 3) To decrease that the number of incels and the corresponding danger, we should push for the concept of the ideal man as one being unconcerned with status and possessing women. An island unto himself, satisfied and confident. Independent from both the pressures of a full-blown systemic-ass issue and the natural internal desires to be accepted and admired by others.

And like...something can be a good short term plan without being a good long term plan, you know? There can be side effects.

Like, I'm gonna make a post at some point about how I feel like the causes of the Nice Guy tm tire fire were radically misunderstood, considering I feel like we're on the precipice of another crisis in exactly the same mold, but apart from that I'm also just kind of frustrated that the process of organizing against patriarchal masculinity is suddenly bogged down by a bunch of folks trying to get me to adopt a stoic/zen philosophy as a necessary facet of my gender identity, and naturally assuming that my distaste for that can't be because I've spent a decade unpacking this as a queer man and I disagree with their tactics, and must just be that I haven't seen Barbie yet.

Ultimately, I don't feel like the root of modern toxic masculinity is entitlement. I feel that it's American-style Hyperindividualism. Its the erosion of the supportive community that naturally acts in opposition to the narrative sold by masculine competitive hierarchies. Its the belief that individual men must force their will upon the world or else be starved out because higher status men have hoarded everything for themselves. It's the belief that women are the scorecard and trophy in a contest between men, yes, but also fundamentally that absent some semblance of performance within that contest, men will be abandoned, mocked, and ostracized by both women and their larger community. The patriarchal dividend in that toxic system is not just power and sex, it's a sort of gated community within which all right to inherent human worth for men is contained, entrance into which must be earned through defeating others also desperately trying to get in.

Given all of that, to me the antidote isn't more individualism. It's less. Its community. It's love. It's not about men realizing that they don't need other people, it's about men realizing that they will still be loved and accepted within their communities without the need to dominate and overpower. That they do not need to become a patriarch to be seen, to have worth and a home and acceptance and support and community. That the idea that those things are gated behind power and wealth and the ability to do violence isn't just untrue, but the opposite of what is the case.

Toxic Masculinity is a systemic issue. Seeing people uncritically and wholeheartedly telling me that it should be conquered by intentionally atomizing men into self-reliant islands of personal choice is also not just untrue, but the opposite of what I think is the case. But it's...easy. It doesn't require the community to negotiate a new understanding under which they can embrace and love men who take up the responsibilities of being part of--not in charge of-- that community. It allows men deeply invested in a self-appraisal of their value as being rooted in not asking for help and in hierarchical superiority over other men to simply do that even harder, with largely the same rubric, but a new rationale. It leaves no room for male weakness, for mens needs, because, frankly, we are socialized to punish those and we do not want to change.

#masculinity #toxic masculinity #nontoxic masculinity #positive masculinity #me writing stuff

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herofied04 · 1 month

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Social Identity

Autistic and Queer in Black spaces

masking my autism, and struggling with relationships Being close with your group of people is vitally important to one's survival. And throughout American history, community and family have been deeply important. Black families were separated in slavery, taken apart by slave-owners. And in the time since, there has been placed a great emphasis on sticking together with one's family. *Blood is thicker than water*. Family extends to one's friends, or really, whoever is close in the time of struggle that is being a Black person in America. But when you're autistic... it's hard to recognize this. It is hard to understand social relationships, it is hard to know why you receive consequences for doing things 'wrong' when you don't know you were. It is hard to continually mask to participate in family gatherings and it is hard to ask for help when you need it. It is hard to explain yourself. It is hard to know why you were brought into this world of suffering - why did your parents make that decision, logically? What is the point of this all? Because I didn't feel close to anyone in these family gatherings. I was always by myself, standing off to the side, trying not to explode from the sensory overload. I was *forced* to go to these events and not even told why. Why? Additionally, I faced bullying from other Black people. Bullying about my mannerisms, my social naivety, my evident frustration and anger - it was humorous. And it drove me away from other people even further. How am I supposed to feel connected with people who look like me if I am just going to be bullied, misgendered, and misunderstood?

struggling to participate in conversations about straight or male/female stuff I am taking a Women of Color in the US class right now. It is wonderful, I am learning a lot of things that I would not have known otherwise. I am learning about the intersectionality of race and gender and how that increases one's oppression, both in the past and present. Black women face sexism and racism at the same time. I am not a Black woman - I am a Black agender intersex... thing. And so I am misgendered all the time, called 'girl' and 'her/she' in one place and 'man' and 'he/him' in another. Neither of these things describe how I see myself. Actually, I am slightly benefitted here by the masculinization of Black women, putting me in the perfect zone of androgyny. Nonetheless, I can't exactly participate in these kinds of discussions, most especially because I have little understanding of the social constructs of manhood and womanhood. There isn't a western, patriarchal framework of nonbinary gender, and so i'm really in the void here.

Black and Autistic in queer spaces

guilt for not participating in activism I could say this is true for being Black as well, but not being able to participate in activism because of its unpredictability and ability to overwhelm the senses... I would like to, but I would not be able to add any meaningful input because my brain would be short circuiting. I think I would have a meltdown.

again, struggles with bonding and conversation Pretty self-explanatory. It's hard to talk about queer issues if its hard to talk in general.

talking about queer issues but not Black queer issues Much of the discussion of queer history does not talk about Black people's roles in that history, despite being such a large aspect. I cannot be the voice for all things though; I am already so exhausted. There isn't any discussion of how being trans or queer could amplify the racism or hatred one faces, because most of the spaces I have seen have been focused on 'queers' in general.

Black and Queer in neurodivergent spaces

Neurodivergent spaces few and far between, but discussions about unmasking cannot participate because Black Besides the ones online, there is only one space I know of at my school, and not many people go there. I have been there for as long as that space has been around actually, and there usually aren't a lot of people there. Regardless, the issues I would like to talk about there are far away from what everyone else talks about. I face racism on top of being autistic, and there isn't really a space or group for that dialogue there. It is very hard to unmask because unmasking means weird looks, bullying, or even assumptions of aggression by other people; at least this is what I have learned in my life. It is not safe to unmask, and masking will be expected of me. I will always have to fight for myself, which means speech, which is a thing my brain naturally does not want to do. Exhausting.

more queer people here, but still, male/female divide Much discussion about autism, when I've looked into it, was about how females are late-diagnosed and how masking looks different for them. While I was raised female, I sort of started to drift away from that by middle school. I can't identify myself in these Autistic Female spaces and discussions, also because they tend to be white. Apparently, it is difficult to look past the binary...

All aspects of my identity are vitally important and need to be talked about, but there exists no framework for my experience. These are just some of the reasons I advocate for a intersectional framework, an intersectional way of thinking about social labels, and also a recognition that social labels are just that - labels. And because they are labels, they are able to change.

#black autistic #frameworks #thinking #intersectionality #discrimination #queer #actually autistic #asd #autistic experiences #black tumblr #autizzy #intersex #nonbinary #genderqueer

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feybeasts · 9 months

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“This doesn’t matter” is one of the most misunderstood coping statements in the English language. Co-opted by dimestore nihilists to throw up their hands in defeat, by pessimistic souses to throw things they cannot or do not wish to understand into the same pile of meaninglessness, it has become the stock phrase of the bitter, the feckless, the jaded.

But what if I told you such definitions are inherently wrongheaded? What if I told you that “This doesn’t matter” is, in fact, a phrase that can help organize your thoughts, quiet your fears, help you live with a world that is often loud and distressingly complex?

You see, it comes down to one of the peculiarities of the human mind. This particular peculiarity, both in the lives of the neurotypical and in my particularly frustrating autistic brain, is such; we like to define things.

No, that’s not too strong a statement- we NEED to define things, at least, that’s what our pattern-seeking lizard brainstems tell us. Everything must be understood, categorized, sorted and solved. There can BE no unanswered questions, there can BE no open statements. Either something is solved, or it’s an aggravating and stressful mystery, and it is in the latter case that, I hope, I can help to enlighten you to the great value in “this doesn’t matter”.

To give an example for our means- there’s a good post out there showing a map of the world where the south pole is up top. Now, for those of you who have been through the public education system in the US, I think you can feel the immediate thought that springs into your head on hearing that- “well, THAT isn’t right! The north is up!”

I know some of you, however- let’s be real, this is Tumblr- MOST of you answer that first statement in your own heads- or perhaps aloud- with a second, more “correct” statement: “No, it’s wrong because there’s no ‘up’ and ‘down’ in space.”

And while this point can be argued against the former, with both sides on that post bringing up all sorts of arguments about why the maps are the way they are or which projection is more correct, here’s where I arrived:

“Oh, it doesn’t matter”

This is not, as so often the statement is used, me dismissing the points being made on both sides, playing the devil’s advocate, or everyone’s favorite strawman, the “moderate.” No, the reason I think this, and the reason I talk about it here, is because that’s the point I think the south-up map makes, and that other posters made later in the thread when they shared other projections.

It doesn’t matter because as long as the map is correct and readable, its orientation is meaningless. It doesn’t matter which end is up, because it’s correct regardless. And that. THAT. Is where “it doesn’t matter” is such a powerful statement- it isn’t a dismissal of an argument or the sides taken, it is a reminder to yourself that the argument, the very human need to find the “right answer” is invalid in that case- the answer doesn’t matter because it’s not a question with one answer.

It is complex, it is variable depending on perspective.

It doesn’t matter.

And there it is, friends- the key to so very many things, so many arguments, so many complex issues- it doesn’t matter not because it has no answer or nobody has the “right” answer, but because to “answer” it is unimportant in relation to simply finding the perspective that works best for you.

When you can identify those situations, when you can look at something complex and subjective and see past the arguments and the shouting matches and the diatribes, you are free of that instinctual need to “solve” it.

You realize the answer to the question your lizard brain is posing, the category it fits, is that “It doesn’t matter”

And that, friends, is often an answer in itself.

In life, in love, in identity, in philosophy, your answer to the question is often just as much your own as someone else’s answer is theirs. The question of who is right, the puzzle of who has the “correct” take on it is meaningless, it’s not a question at all, because there isn’t a right one, only a million little arguments that do nothing at all but to hurt people by having them.

Sometimes, all you need to do is look at that “question” and tell yourself “Oh. It doesn’t matter. I just have to love them anyways.”

And when you do that? Well… you can devote a lot more of yourself to the things that matter the most. 💖

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lasnevadaslaborunion · 2 years

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Credit to this post by @enderwalking and some Discord convos with @thequackcity for getting me thinking about this topic again (please let me know if you'd rather not be tagged)

Okay so my short answer to the disc duo "obsession" question is that a good chunk of it is a silly semantic debate. They obviously have a toxic and abusive dynamic, and they're obviously crucial to each other's narratives. Whether or not the word "obsessed" is appropriate is a minor quibble, imo.

My longer answer to this question requires me to analyze why their relationship is the way it is. What I'm going to say here hinges on my interpretation of both characters as being fundamentally afraid of change and instability. Which for c!Tommy manifests as needing someone to follow, look up to, and idealize (even as he chafes against authority he thinks is flawed), and for c!Dream manifests as needing control over his environment.

On c!Tommy's end, it's not exactly fair to call it an "obsession" if his fear of c!Dream is repeatedly justified by experience. After all, this is the person who nearly drove him to suicide, who blew up his home multiple times, who killed him and revived him and gleefully promised to do so over and over again. But his feelings are very complicated, because the man who ruined his life was his friend once, too. Think about the repetition of his exile, the cycle of creating and watching those creations destroyed, and how c!Tommy latched onto the routine even as he spiraled into depression. These events happening in the aftermath of losing c!Wilbur only support his craving for a steady friend. Even after he snapped himself out of that rut, he keeps coming back to the person who abused him, both physically and in spirit. He can't fully rest as long as c!Dream is alive, and who knows if even his death will give him peace. In that way, it's an incredibly lopsided bond; c!Dream's very continued existence gives him power over c!Tommy, whereas c!Tommy can't directly influence c!Dream as strongly or consciously.

On c!Dream's end, the "obsession" with c!Tommy is sometimes misunderstood as a monomaniacal fixation, when his goals are clearly a lot broader, all wrapped up in his quest for peace and unity (whatever that entails...) on the SMP. And I think that's where a lot of miscommunication between the two sides of this argument happens. c!Dream isn't singularly focused on making c!Tommy's life hell, or on possessing him in the most literal way we might think of it. Nor do I think his controlling and ruthless personality is exclusive to just one person or situation.

But c!Tommy does take up a disproportionate place in c!Dream's mind. The kid is an easy symbolic scapegoat for the server straying from the original ideal, given that the Disc Wars were some of the first big conflicts on the server, that he was one of the founding members and arguably the "muse" of L'Manberg, and that he has a (somewhat earned) reputation as a troublemaking gremlin. However, I think c!Dream finds c!Tommy's presence a strange comfort as much as his mischief is an annoyance. Especially as time passed and the number and scale of the wars increased, c!Tommy became a convenient "stress toy" due to his emotional transparency and, later on, the conditioning from months of history. c!Tommy is uniquely frustrating to him, but that also makes him uniquely satisfying to put down; if c!Dream wants to feel powerful, scary, and competent, he can count on c!Tommy's reactions to give him that boost. It's a combination of practical motivations (intimidating the server members into responding in ways that suit his plans, starting with the one who fears him the most) and more emotional ones (feeling control over something or someone in a world that rapidly escaped his ability to cope with its transformation) that make c!Tommy the perfect victim.

And yes, there is once again an uncomfortable awareness that they were buddies once, if vitriolic ones, and that they've remained constants in each other's lives even as they've become bitter nemeses. That combination of chaos and consistency keeps them so horribly entangled, and both of their emotions are so much more complicated than simple hatred.

As a final note, I like the interpretation of c!Dream seeing c!Tommy as a wayward little brother figure that he needs to "correct" by any means necessary and also has fun tormenting, much like one would pretend to be a big scary monster or put a spider in their sibling's hair to make them cry after being irritated one too many times. (This twisted familial dynamic also opens the door for a lot of thematic parallels with c!Wilbur, a more explicit brother figure, though his dynamic with c!Tommy is hardly healthy, either.) But I also think the idea that c!Dream opportunistically ruined the life of a teenager who once admired him and rarely gives a second thought to the harm he caused because he's so obsessed with a "united server" that never truly existed - thus making c!Tommy's devastating trauma mere collateral damage - is very terrifying and tragic in its own way. They're both compelling frameworks to play around with, and I don't think either one is entirely right or wrong.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'll leave it to more prominent discduo enjoyers to add on or correct details, but for now I'm leaving it here

#i don't know if i'm saying anything new here but these are my opinions #dsmp #c!tommy #c!dream #analysis #tw abuse #tw suicide #long post #idk if this counts as c!dream critical #i'm doing my best to discuss his motives neutrally #he's just a Very Strange Man

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adam-raki · 9 days

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I wanna have a quick rant about Adam (2009). Yes, there is a TL;DR at the end.

Now, I love this movie. It means a lot to me. It's probably very obvious due to the way that I've dedicated my whole account to it. Still, I think people tend to fundamentally misunderstand this movie - and I wanna talk about it.

Let me first say that it isn't perfect. A better movie would have, for example, employed an autistic actor (despite how much I adore Hugh Dancy's performance) and made various other changes that I will not be bothered to list. Is it a perfect representation of autism? No. But, is there a better representation out there? Personally, I don't think so. It's hard to define what 'good representation' is.

I've actually heard this reviewed as a 'bad' or even the 'worst' autism movie ever, which I think is an unworthy assessment.

A lot of criticism of this movie boils down to people just not relating to Adam's personal experience as an autistic adult - and that's fine. Having autism is such a diverse experience, and I can understand the frustration of the representation being almost exclusively cishet white men who like STEM (trust me, it infuriates me too). Still, some autistic people ARE like Adam, and that's also fine. Some of us don't find his character exaggerated at all (like me, who found the shot of his multiple boxes on cereal in the cupboard painfully relatable). A more varied set of autistic characters need to be seen in cinema... including ones like this.

But, the reason why I have a problem with this movie is also why I love it so much; it's uncomfortable. I haven't re-watched it in so long because it genuinely makes me upset. It's uncomfortable to watch Adam mistaken as a predator and watch the miscommunication between him and Beth (per the "were you excited?" scene and the fakeout where you think he's pestering her for sex, but he just wants to practice for his interview). It's uncomfortable to watch him continually shut down by the people around him. It's uncomfortable to watch him misunderstood, mistreated, and left on his own when his partner couldn't be bothered to understand him. It's raw and a little bit ugly.

Was this what the movie makers were going for? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it really was meant to be a 'pity the autistic' movie for neurotypicals, but I think that would be reducing it to something that it isn't. Yes some of the scenes are jarring to watch. It's less so romantic and comedic than it is awkward and kind of heartbreaking. But maybe that's the point.

Adam 2009 is very much a product of its time. I mean, it's roughly 15 years old now so I wouldn't have expected much. Yet still, it manages to be nuanced, showing the flaws in both sides of Adam's and Beth's relationship and how it ultimately doesn't work out (literally, almost exclusively because of Beth, not Adam).

I'm not telling you if you should or shouldn't like this movie. I happen to really dislike a lot of movies that are praised by viewers and critics. I don't even particuarly find this movie to be all that impressive in the narrative sense - but it hits hard. At least to me, it's the most authetic experience of my own struggles as someone on the spectrum. I hate how accurate it is, and I hate how much I see of myself in Adam sometimes. It's difficult to watch. And I love it.

TL;DR for this - Adam 2009 is flawed as a movie, but many of its facets are misinterpreted as bad representation unduly. I think it's supposed to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Some of us on the spectrum relate to that and good representation can't possibly cover every single autistic experience.

Anyway - if anyone has thoughts on this, I would love to hear them! You don't have to agree with me. Just be nice (or I'll be upset).

#adam 2009 #adam raki #rant

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blueaiyuice · 9 months

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Uriel Character Analysis Deep-Dive: Kamden from ESDE

welcome to the start of my analysis series! this series is so that you can check out how i meant for these characters to be portrayed, their character arcs, and so on so forth.

the first analysis i've done (and am dumping it here, in a messy fashion) is NA KAMDEN from EVEN STARS DIE EVENTUALLY, my jeongjian fantasy fic based off of the protect-the-princess game from boy's planet!

HEAVY SPOILERS for ESDE and You of the Dark, so do read that first! (now cleaned up!)

Kamden's General Character Arc

Kamden's entire character arc centers around him trying to get rid of his past and forming a new name for himself. He wants to abandon a future that he was born into. He wanted to shape his own destiny similarly to how Jeonghyeon wanted to, without the influence of gods (though of course, he still believed in the gods to a certain degree as opposed to Jeonghyeon's atheism. He just didn't want to get his destiny twisted by them).

He destroys and wrecks as much of his past as possible because it's all so painful to him, from the orphanage to having little social connections and not being able to find his footing. He doesn't like hearing people out because their stories mean nothing to him when he's trying so hard to shape his own.

During his final exam, he kills his previous caretaker and he kills Hanbin, willing to do anything to destroy that past to shape himself. He burns his whole village down instead of quelling the riots through diplomacy because it's his chance to completely wreck what's left of his past and get away with it. Donggun enables him to do so legally as a knight, so he's always loyal to Donggun for giving him that opportunity and chance.

Kamden and Ricky

Kamden seems like he has no weaknesses, but in reality his one weakness is Ricky. The one thing that ultimately takes him down at the end of ESDE is Ricky (though of course Jianyu puts him in his place by being the first one to defeat Kamden in a fight), aka the one piece of his past that managed to escape everything, head to Camellia, become a knight under Jongwoo, align with their side, and in the end take in Kamden to reform him for the better.

Of course they ended on bad terms so Kamden is bitter with him, but he still looks for him even if he doesn't want to admit it, such as when he tells Brian to look out for Ricky at meetings, because it's a piece of his past he has NO control over, and its his biggest fear. Ricky is completely broken from Begonia; Kamden can't just go and kill him without sparking a war that would put his precious enabling princess in danger.

In the end, Ricky still wishes for them to go back to the good days because from Ricky's POV, Kamden just misunderstood everything when he initially left as a kid, hence his dialogue at their reunion in Plumeria: "I don't know why he's still hung up on that. I was literally eight years old, you think I was allowed to say no? Christ." Obviously Kamden fucked up a bunch and became a ruthless killer, but Ricky wanted to find that old friend. Unlike Kamden, he didn't turn his back on the past. in that way, they're foils of each other—Kamden chooses to destroy his past, while Ricky carries it with him to shape him into who he is today.

Kamden's Religious Outlook

It's not quite implied as well, but Kamden isn't the most religious person in the world. He believes in the gods, but he doesn't reverently worship them. That kind of thinking is why his abilities as a half-god don't go any farther than just boosted magic abilities. It's similar to the same case with 2JH as both of them are gods, but one of them wasn't even aware (Junghyun) and the other completely shut out the idea because of his hatred for gods (Jeonghyeon).

Kamden's Half-God Abilities

Kamden's magic capabilities are very emotion-based. When Kamden first managed to channel the fire during his class with Hanbin, it was because of the frustration catching up to him at not being able to get the spells right off the bat. It's also why he's also able to keep that wall of fire erected for so long in Begonia during his final fight with Jianyu (in a climate where the cold air would usually snuff out such fire), because he's so fucking pissed that Jianyu has gotten away THREE times and everything's spiraled out of his control. His princess (the only thing he can truly rely on) is being attacked by these ragtag group of knights + their single oracle, and half of begonia's already falling apart so quickly even though it seemed like victory was RIGHT THERE with Anemone, Wolfsbane, and Plumeria all fallen. The tables turned so quickly and he has no idea what to do, and he's panicking.

Kamden's Hair Symbolism

Kamden's hair and how he trims his bangs is supposed to be representative of his resolve at that moment in time. At first, as a kid, he covers his eyes because he wasn't sure of himself, but then when Ricky came into his life, he cut them so he could just show how much stronger his resolve had become with Ricky's arrival, and then after Ricky left he started getting lazy with it again because he started losing that confidence in himself, and then in the final exam it's in his eyes again and he's trying to convince himself so hard that what he's doing is right to the point where he just stops caring about people's lives. During ESDE, his eyes are uncovered, meaning his resolve is there and firm because he's managed to successfully gaslight convince himself that what he's doing is good.

Kamden's Ending

Kamden's ending isn't exactly the happiest one. After all, his final words were "I know no apology's going to make up for anything I've done, but I still wanted to say I'm sorry. I was blind. It doesn't excuse what I did. I don't...know anymore." Clearly everything's gone out of his control now. His coping mechanism of killing people isn't feasible anymore since half of the population is gone and it's all his fault. I'd like to think he got extensive therapy but the only person who would be willing to give it to him at that point would be Ricky (and MAYBE Jianyu), and Ricky is one of his biggest problems that needs therapy in itself. Everyone in Wolfsbane fucking hates him especially Seungeon, Junhyeon hates him for killing Gunwook so Plumeria ain't happy with him either, he's the last one left of Begonia, Jongwoo is too iffy on him, Zihao couldn't care less, so on and so forth.

I don't think he'd be sad forever, though. I think he'd be able to find some happiness, just some though. I don't think anything will make him completely regret the stuff he's done (like I doubt he would suddenly start caring about the people he killed), but he'll learn to come to terms with who he's once become, once again, circling back to Donggun's words: "Whatever that friend did to you back then has shaped you into who you are today. You can choose your future, but never, ever, turn your back on the past. It will always follow you. You must learn to come to terms with it."

tl;dr: hot soulless serial killer arsonist needs some serious therapy

#boys planet fanfiction #boys planet fanfic #na kamden #hes definitely my most thought out character imo #tbf esde is one of my best aus imo #its the best thought-out #hope you guys enjoyed reading this #def gonna clean it up to be read more nicely in the future though

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streets-in-paradise · 1 year

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Relaxing Amazement - Andy Barclay x (Fem) Reader

Requested by @yesiscandyskiller

“ How about Reader x Andy relaxing at home after canceling some stressful plans, which is a relief with them both dealing with anxiety.”

( This is one of the first Andy requests i ever got and I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. I’m negecting some obligations just because I couldn’t stop writing and I’m happy about it lol. It was going to be longer, I had more ideas in mind, but had to stop here to not get too behind with my things. If i find time to keep going later I may drop a continuation.)

Masterlist

Warnings: No proofreading, flirting and some sexy teasing (not smut, just teasing), happy couple being fluffy and silly when in love.

Summary: You surprise Andy with the late hour cancelation of a stressfull plan that was occupying your minds too intensely. Seeking for some home relax instead, you start to fool arround with your boyfriend just for a chance to see him smile again.

Notes: I try to do my best to avoid physical descriptions, but there may be accidental implications of the reader being plus sized that are there just because I took my body as reference when writing. It’s not important to the plot, just happened because i was too self inmersed in the writting. However, this is written in a way that makes it easy to be ignored.

Tags: @losersclubisms ( I wrote this under the influence of the high left on me by your Andy x OC fic, part of how this turned out is your fault.)

That cursed family gathering was on your minds all week. It wasn’t like you hated all your extended family, but the environment it was able to create was not the best for yours or your boyfriend’s mental health. Meeting your parents has been hard for Andy, introducing him to a lot of new relatives all at once was going to be a nightmare to both of you. Your godmother was coming and you knew she had a tendency of being very critical of everything in your life, negatively comparing you since childhood to her own daughter. The man who stole your heart was not going to be an exception, she would make him a victim of her sharp tongue and its prideful commentary about her son in law.

Despite being the most wonderful man you ever meet, Andy was deeply misunderstood by the outside world unaware of Chucky’s existence. People would be asking tons of questions and there was no way for him to answer without sounding like a weirdo, his strong awareness of that was worrying him to the core and you felt terrible because of the new distress brought to him. For so, you have been rehearsing together an entire set of lies that you would follow for them into a coherent made up story of how you meet and what was he doing with his life. The planning was becoming increasingly stressful because the overthinking was mutual. You would sometimes get lost together on minuscule details that didn’t really matter under a ‘ but what if they ask about that?’ paranoia that would end up angering you and frustrating you. As the days would pass you would realize it was not even worthy, most of the people that were going to be present were the distant family that wasn’t really part of your life because you would only see them once or twice a year.

The final resolution you took was canceling the plans, using your creative liar's will to create a pretext to stay at home, but you didn’t tell Andy immediately because you wanted to surprise him. The hellish week you made him spend worrying about that social situation was worth a good compensation. Some relaxing amazement was going to suit him wonderfully, so you invented an excuse to get him out of the house for a while meanwhile you did the canceling call. Your poor tormented boyfriend forgot the house keys when he rushed out, stressed over doing everything good, so you had to open the door for him on the return.

Andy’s burnout was such that he began to ramble out loud across the other side of the door.

“... The bakery was about to close, they didn’t have much and I couldn’t find what you wanted so had to improvise the choice with what they had at this hour.” He lamented, trying to remind himself to decelerate his breathing. “ That’s my luck, my shitty luck! “

You felt so sorry for the little trick you pulled on him, but it was needed so the surprise would be better.

“ Calm down, honey. It 's alright.”

Hearing your tranquilizing voice was like a call back to earth, but he wasn’t ready for the pleasant confusion he had at the sight of you. Careless about everything, you were in a casual indoor look. He found you dressed in just a tight fitting tank top, old enough that your belly button was peeking out despite the fabric should be covering it, and very revealing jean shorts.

His mind got circumstantially blurry because he found it sexy.

“ Babe, shouldn’t you be getting all dolled up to leave?” Andy asked, so distracted that he ignored the awful phrasing for an instant. “ … Fuck, pun unintended.”

You smirked as his eyes were feasting in your image.

“ That one is not that bad.” You added, allowing him to follow you inside in that state of visual trance. “ I would love to be your Barbie doll, they come in all shapes and sizes now.”

Andy felt that tease to the deepest core of his being, seriously wondering how you made it work.

“ Seriously? Do you wanna be the one doll that is truly gonna be the death of me?”

“ I want to fill you with love for being such a wonderful boyfriend, so patient with all the shit that has been going on this week.”

He was about to reply, but ended up delayed because he was staring from a different angle.

“ The pressure is killing me, not gonna lie.”

You chuckled to the confession and, while following your trace, he noticed that the door of your shared bedroom was closed. You may be up to something, but things weren’t clear for him at that point.

“ No more games, pretty doll. You know we don’t have time.”

Your sweet but slightly devilish giggling to that affirmation was driving him insane.

“ Who says we don’t? I called with my best impersonation of a flu voice and got us out.” Was the mischievous confession that you purred with pride. “ I’m all yours to play.”

The relief he felt was great as the distraction you were providing.

“ How the fuck can you make that sound so good? My brain is wired to hate it, but you take it and it works.. It freaking works!”

“ I was just following your lead.” You innocently declared, getting closer before you could start a little game of ‘ who is more desperate to caress who?’ “ About our plans and what we were supposed to do, I just canceled because it was driving us mad. I would rather stay comfy at home with you, try to relax. We need some of that.”

“ Hell, we do.” Andy purred with satisfaction, sneaking his hands to the sides of your hips. “ How do you want to start?”

“ Not with what you are thinking of.” You teased him, enjoying a bit of the short groan that answer got from him. “ We’ll get to that, but first I want to romance you.”

He chuckled under his breath and you took it away with a kiss, only to later deliver one last naughty mock.

“ You know? If you ever wanna try turning all that wrong into something that feels good, let me know. I’m here for you… and I have a pink Barbie shirt. With pink panties to match I can be your pretty doll.”

Andy looked amazed, but not by the reasons you thought.

“ Is there a limit to what you would do for me? How much weirdness are you up to allow just so I would be happy?”

The challenging light in your eyes spoke for you, but you still felt the need to talk.

“ Do you really wanna find out?”

Grabbing him by the shirt, you stamped another kiss on his lips and proceeded to allow your dorkiness escalate singing your answer in whispers close to his ear.

“ Oh, pretty baby. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.”

He bursted into laughter, unable to do anything else.

“ ‘Baby One More Time’ ? Is that your definition of romance?”

“ I made you laugh and that’s all I care about. I can humiliate myself even more to get that.” You defended yourself. “ Besides, Britney works just fine sometimes. Think about it: everyone in the 90’s was convinced that she was a living Barbie AND my love for you is so strong that it turns me into a teen girl who just got a crush that no other can compare to.”

Andy was smiling, his cheeks had an adorable shade of pink that was nothing but growing blush.

“ Really? Do you still get excited like that when you see me?”

“ If everyone would love you like I do, you would have been elected President of the United States.”

He kissed you that time, happily overwhelmed by your love and totally living for it. Not like he could have possibly imagined the start of the rest of the night was going to be you performing a bubblegum pop song, moving around your living room and singing the lyrics out loud. The only context in which Andy could have seen himself joining such dorky shit was drunk at a karaoke, yet there he was, melting a little bit to your ‘ oh, pretty baby. The reason I breath is you’

If Freddy Krueger could have sent Chucky a nightmare to fight in, the scene you were creating was pretty close to how the start of it could be like. Andy Barclay enjoying life, being loved by someone who was showing their affection in the cheesiest way. It would be painfull to watch by his criteria of how fluffy dumb it was and, to make it even worse, there was some Britney on it.

A sober but unaware Andy Barclay, as blissfully unaware as you, was singing along to the chorus of Baby One More Time in a dorky duet and that was all on you. He didn’t mind being silly, he would never refuse any of your efforts to bring a smile out of him.

He may have not been drunk on booze, but you had your ways to get him drunk on happiness.

#andy barclay #andy barclay x reader #alex vincent #alex vincent x reader #chucky 2021 #cult of chucky #curse of chucky #child's play

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orpheus-lovett-thenardier · 2 months

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Alrighty, guess I’m gonna take the risk and post this.

(Pls don’t get mad at me, y’all. I’m just stating an opinion & ranting about my frustrations, I don’t mean to sound rude.)

This is certainly gonna make people mad. If you disagree with me or are upset by this, that’s fine, I get that everyone has different opinions. Idc, just please leave me alone & don’t harass me over it.

I honestly have a lot of complaints similar to this, but then I saw this happen with my favorite song, and it just absolutely upset me, so yeah-

Can we PLEASE stop over-sexualizing Wait???

Yes, I know that at the end of the day, I’m always gonna have my asexual bias, but I swear that I have more complaints than just, “I’m a sex-repulsed ace who’s tired of everything being over-sexualized.”

I know that a lot of things are gonna vary depending on the production, but at least to me, that’s not what this song is supposed to be. I know the Broadway revival does the whole weird thing with his suspenders, idc what the Broadway revival does, this song is supposed to be a soft, sweet, and genuine moment. (This isn’t an insult to the Broadway revival, btw. I do still love that production despite it making some choices I disagree with.)

Let’s review the scene & context surrounding it:

Sweeney has been presented with the opportunity to off Beadle Bamford, but he’s impatient af and wants his revenge now. On top of that, he’s also stressing over how to get to Judge Turpin. Nellie basically tells him to chill out and be patient, but like, in a sweet and loving way. The whole song is her trying to help him calm down and feel less stressed, upset, and tense. She can see that he’s dealing with a lot, and she genuinely cares about him and wants to help him. By the end, he’s a lot more calm, even if he is still thinking about revenge deep down. You see the calming affect Nellie has on him, and she’s happy to see him okay again, even if it’s only for a moment. He even internalizes her words. During Epiphany, he says, “Why did I wait? You told me to wait!” Obviously he seems to have misunderstood her a little, but it shows he was at least paying attention.

At its very core, this scene is a man who’s gone through a lot and is stressed, a woman who cares about him and wants to comfort him, and him briefly being able to silence the noises in his head because he really does find comfort in her words and her presence.

This is supposed to be a calming type of song, sort of like a lullaby in a way. Maybe this really is just a me thing, but it was never meant to be sexy.

There’s a lot of things that annoy me about the over-sexualization of Nellie Lovett in general & this song in particular, but the main one is that it makes everything feel less sincere. Idc if you have your headcanons, or if you wanna talk about NSFW stuff regarding this show from time to time, but treating it like that’s the whole thing, especially regarding her, just… Idk.

Nellie truly loves Sweeney, and it’s always annoyed me when people say otherwise, and when people say that it was just lust. When people over-sexualize her & every moment between her and Sweeney, all that does is prove their point, and it makes her relationship with Sweeney feel a lot less genuine. When she’s not allowed to have genuine, emotional, and romantic moments without it either being sexualized or played for laughs (or both in some cases), it both erases her complexities as a character and cheapens the moment. (I have another rant regarding By the Sea too, but I’m specifically gonna focus on Wait here)

She truly cares about Sweeney and wants to help him, comfort him, and be there for him. When Wait is instead seen as just seduction, it makes her feelings for him seem a lot less genuine. I would think that none of us Nellie lovers or Sweenett fans would want that, and yet my fellow Sweenett shippers are the ones that are most guilty of this. Do you not also care about the emotional side of their relationship? The sweet side? The soft side? The romantic side? Their friendship? Does it only matter to you if it’s sexy? (I’m not saying this is all Sweenett shippers, or even the majority.)

Idk, I’m just tired of people trying to take away their actual adorable moments and make it all horny.

(Does it feel like nobody’s appreciating everything else about their relationship and is trying to make everything sexual, or am I just ace & losing it?)

Idc if you want to write smut about them, idc if you have differing opinions. I really don’t want to sound rude regarding people’s opinions & interpretations, and I don’t want to shame anyone. There are even people on here that I’m genuinely chill with & like that do this, and I don’t want it to sound like I’m mad at them or don’t like them or anything. I’m just so tired of it all.

Not everything has to be about sex, you guys.

(More stuff in the tags)

#should i actually tag this and risk angering people #i mean tag it as being about sweeney todd #not as in tagging the people i’ve seen do this #definitely not lol #sorry if this whole thing comes off as harsh #i don’t mean to be harsh #i’m just so tired #and seeing this with my fav song was clearly my last straw lol #i have no straws left #all the straws are gone #they have been taken from me #yes i still include silly unhinged tags even in the angry rants lol #i’ve included so many caveats and yet i still feel like people are gonna misunderstand me #as scared as i am to post this i feel so free after writing this

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the-nysh · 1 year

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What are your thoughts on garou's music themes in the anime? Do you like them?

Oh yes of course! S2's ost was one of its best things (with too many unused tracks actually), Garou's theme(s) included. In fact, I've already shared all the ost's Garou-centric tracks right here! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I'm a Monster - his main theme you're likely thinking of! Which is probably the most memorable 'new' theme to come from s2's ost. The metal energy explodes pretty raw & feral for his fighting scenes, so it's not something I'd normally listen to casually, and imo the sound director tended to overplay its first few opening riffs a little too much, when the rest of the track has more range and slower breaks that could've been used more effectively in scenes to greater effect. But otherwise it's unique and instantly recognizable as ~his theme~ so that makes it very solid!

Longing - his softer, sad theme. :'3 Often played during his kid flashbacks and his interactions with Tareo. I love this theme because it represents the other side to his very human, kinder and gentler compassionate heart (which makes me so emotional ;o; for the bittersweet tragedy how much that side of him has been hurt, hidden away, and misunderstood) which builds to 3 variations. That I'm so upset the anime never used the third one, because I almost burst into tears hearing just how characteristically warm, sweet and hopeful it is (ohhh he's beautiful <3) That I hope s3 gets to properly use it someday.

Despair - the saddest piano theme from the ost is played during his final kid flashback. :') For his bitter, frustrated, powerless tears at learning how the injustice of the world works, and how he firms his resolve to fight back against it, alone in anger. I can't say this is a track I particularly 'like' (to listen to on repeat for ex) but it sets the tone and sense of dramatic finality well for his broken world view and loss of childhood innocence.

Martial Arts - ohh yes, that theme! Which goes pretty hard and is quite crazy awesome for a fancy violin + percussion theme - unmistakable to recognize! I love it a lot as one of my personal favs from the ost. Cause it just sounds so...unique. More representative of the brothers Bang & Bomb's dual techniques, but because it plays as Garou faces them both, as fateful student vs the old masters, I see it as ~their~ theme.

Bonus: Justice Enforcement: Second Strike - which is actually s2's return version of Saitama's theme, but Garou's leitmotif is inserted in the middle using the same heroic strings as him (yay character parallels!) which makes this theme extra special!!! :'D (Once again, the anime never used that part, but I can see it being used for Garou's heroic side in the future!)

#opm #garou #anonymous #replies #music #oho well i'm SO GLAD you asked!#bc i already have them all shared here 8D

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andi-justplays · 11 months

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It’s been a while since I last played Love Island the game and I’m a little late already since there’s S6 now but I’m only on episode 30 something of Ex in the Villa (S5) right now but ohMYGOD I have NEVER been this frustrated over a game before????? you can’t defend yourself, all of your so called friends in the Villa are so fake and two faced AND NONE of the LIs are 100% worth it at this point. The most okay one is Finn but Kat’s just annoying the fuck out of me because she’s so narcissistic.

damn, I honestly didn’t think they would top the frustrating Hope x Noah drama back in S2 cause S3 was meh and S4 was alright but WOOOW they cranked up the whole frustrating storyline up to 10000% with this season. Not to mention Suresh, like he’s just so frustrating like I pick absolutely EVERY option to reject him and he’s still delusional and now secretly pining over Gabi??? truly a red flag character my god Alfie is such a red flag as well, pretending to still be an innocent naive boy with “little experience” when it comes to dating but gets his head turned every 5 seconds and doesn’t even let MC explain herself when he fully misunderstood the situation. Now that he’s back with Meera from Casa Amor, he’s still making eyes at MC as if he didn’t push her so far away and also cheat on her at Casa Amor. Johnny/Nicolas IM SO MAD AT THIS CAUSE I WAS ROOTING FOR JOHNNY LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO FALL FOR THIS GOOD LOOKING THEATER BOY AND HE RIVALED THE OTHER BOYS FOR BEING ONE OF THE WORST ONES OF THEM ALL. Truly a pathological liar. He even got most of the islanders on his side which is CRAZY since half of them where at the Villa with both of them this whole time. Dana you stupid bitch, you’re not being a friend at all. Like at this point I truly do not care about how you feel cause you switch up so much. And most of your drama shouldn’t even concern me anyway goddamn. Kat’s just damn crazy, like I’m so tired of her. She even tries to talk to you like “babes im only trying to help you out” KAT I DID NOT ASK U TO DO THAT AND ITS NOT EVEN HELPFUL and also she switched up so fast too just because of whatever she hears. Doesn’t even matter to her if it’s true or not. It’s wild I’ve met someone in perosn like this before and it’s the most tiring thing ever like please I would rather not talk to you for the rest of my life than endure all of the drama you put onto yourself. Meera’s just snarky for no reason. I ignore her all the time. I miss Arlo a lot like she and MC didn’t get on for the first few episodes but when she was finally with Pete, they would’ve made such good friends. Gabi, is okay, like I always play nice with her cause I blame Suresh over the drama cause he never told her about MC but she’s still hung up on Suresh and it’s just stupid at this point so girl, you do you but I’m not supporting how stupid you’re being. (DATE ME INSTEAD)

LULU IS PRECIOUS SO FAR, I love her, like she could be so snarky to MC for being Exes with Suresh but she has been nothing but supportive. Which is weird cause she’s had the least amount of time with MC by far. I swear if Finn does something of the red flag sort, I am running away with Lulu.

#litg season 5 #ex in the villa

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androcola · 1 year

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PLEASE express the difficulties that Micky experiences with ADHD! Both with other people who probably don't understand what is up with him, and from his friends who try to help and be understanding! :3

OKAY SO. one of mickys biggest problems has to be impulse control! He ends up spending large amounts of money, doing crazy and dangerous things, or just saying the wrong thing and then being like "oh man did i say that out loud ???" I think the others are used to it, especially mike. They find themselves having to stop him or talk him out of weird and crazy things that he really wants to do and ,,honestly they try to keep money away from him cuz if he sees something he likes and wants to buy he just loses all control

He has executive dysfunction REAL bad. Before mike moved into his apartment, it used to be a disaster area. Dishes were always piled up, laundry was tossed about the place, and even some food was left out on counters or in the fridge for long periods of time. It's not that he was messy and lazy, it's that as soon as he gets home from work, he intends to do it but just completely gets absorbed in something else despite his brain being like "HEY HEY DO THAT HEY!!!!!"

Luckily for him, mike would later start taking care of those chores and lightening the load for him. It probably did cause him lots of background stress but he'd even put the stress off for other stuff, which would also be stressful. Just a paradox of stress.

Caffeine knocks him out. I think, although he sleeps like he's in a coma, he takes forever to get to sleep and just ends up squirming and tossing restlessly. I think when he starts drinking coffee to go to sleep.

I think in general, he tends to be extremely restless, even when he wants to relax. His body is just full of incessant energy! Which can be not very fun at times.

I think he also deals with bouts of frustration and anger. It's never at the fault of anyone most of the time , but it's just a lot of that energy going into something else or a result of being overwhelmed. I think he definitely gets irritable when he's overwhelmed and usually to help that he has to sit by himself for a moment or just distract himself with something like TV or a favorite task.

I think the reason why he and mike connect so fast and easy is because they both have very similar issues and I think they understand eachother even if they're not aware that they do in that way.

I talk a lot about Micky helping mike with his issues, but mike does the same! Even if he's a lot more awkward and generally nervous about it. He helps Micky by reminding him of important things, helping him with chores, and being a calmer energy when he's wound up. Even if he himself feels really wound up.

I think, from the social side of things, Micky never really had many problems having other friends cuz he's so outgoing and so determined to kinda ,,collect friends. But at the same time, I feel like deep down, he still feels misunderstood in a way, and he kinda supresses that feeling cuz he thinks its silly. I think the feeling was a lot stronger in his younger days, cuz he was the kid who could never sit down and be quiet, and naturally that brings lots of negative attention from other kids and adults.

I think he internalized some of that as he got older. So although he generally feels like he fits into any group he's a part of, he still has that nagging thought that he really doesn't fit in and that everyone thinks that he's different or strange.

Sometimes that feeling gets to him and he'll sink into a slightly more introverted state for a while .

And of course, mike always notices when mickys acting different and although he doesn't know how to comfort him and therefore doesn't really make any real attempts, he just kinda hovers around micky, feeling like maybe if he just stays close, Micky might feel better! And usually he does feel better after a few days to a week!

#asks #anon #not ship #m&m headcanon #as we go along #<- centric but can be about later on too. i just think of those two in that context only tbh

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pebblysand · 2 years

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First off- I absolutely adore your writing. Truly do. Thank you so much for all the hardwork you put in into producing such phenomenal work.

Second- in “the fault of faulty manufacturing” Seamus mentally described Harry looking like “detached, borderline sociopathic air of a mafia godfather” and I was wondering if you imagine that’s how others saw him as well. Personally I love it because from the books especially as time goes on we can TELL how intense and honestly intimidatingly as hell Harry was but from his perspective he never really seems to realize how terrifying he could come across.

Additionally I wanted to say I love how you wrote the Draco and Harry conversation. I always have LOVED their dialogues in the books but its so hard to find fanfics of them together thats NOT of them being s couple or totally rewriting Draco as some poor misunderstood soft boy. I desperately wish there was more writing of them talking and just absolutely hating one another. Or of them after Scorpius and Al become besties and they have to arrange hangouts for their kids but all the while just annoying the shit out of one another.

Aw thank you so much, anon <3. That's so kind. I'm glad you enjoy :).

Regarding TFIFM: thank you! I'm glad this resonated with you. I think yes and no. I don't think everyone perceives him like that. I think how you perceive someone is both rooted in who they are, how they act, but also who yourself are as a person. I think Seamus doesn't like Harry very much because outside of Ron and Hermione, Harry is actually very secretive throughout the books, which is something Seamus finds deeply frustrating and sometimes downright infuriating, due to who he is (and, obviously, the whole thing with his mother). I also think Seamus has a bit of insecurity (especially in the early years) of wanting desperately to be part of the "cool kids" but never being able to connect with Harry. Also, in sixth year (which is when he says that), Harry is arguably at his most secretive and Seamus is at his lowest point because 1) he feels guilty about not believing Harry last year, 2) he's just had the massive argument with Sinead and 3) Dean is dating Ginny. It's a bad combination for both of them. After the war, when they're both in a better place, Seamus later says:

"Harry’s not a sociopathic gangster, or a liar, or their hero. He’s a kid who, like the rest of them, still kind of feels like he’s got here by breaking in through the window."

which I think is him understanding that Harry isn't what he initially perceived.

This being said, I do agree and think that there is a very scary side to Harry during those years (and probably beyond, if I'm honest). The fact that he is so secretive creates this aura of intensity around him. He gets violently angry (ending up in physical fights many times), talks back at teachers, gets up to all kinds of stuff the rest of them only hear rumours about, seems to be fighting a war on his own, seems to be possessed sometimes, etc. Even if he doesn't mean to be intimidating, I definitely think he comes across as such. He's not particularly nice either, doesn't go out of his way to please people/make them comfortable. So, while the "sociopathic gangster" might have been a bit much and specific to Seamus at that point, you can kind of tell that people like Neville, Dean, or even other people in the DA are a bit... cautious around him. And, yeah, he's not very self-aware about it, which I find quite interesting. He tells himself he's just a normal guy a lot, but from the point of view of the others... yeah, I'd say he's 100% super intimidating.

There's a scene in Castles that I thought about a lot when Mia says "My mum always said I had a thing for bad boys," and he's like, "Is that what I am?"

She catches his gaze, brown on green, seems to actually consider it. ‘No,’ she says, and kisses him.

I think what's interesting there is that she... considers it. And, whilst she has now gotten to know him enough to know that he actually isn't, there's that space where that low-key scary "aura" might have been one of the things that attracted her to him in the first place, you know? It's a typical game of how you're perceived v. how you perceive yourself.

Regarding Harry & Draco: thank you so much as well! Honestly, writing that scene with Draco (regardless of how angsty it is, obv.) was So Much Fun. I'm not gonna lie, considering the Big Reveal, it's one of those scenes I've had in my head for the last year or something, and I'd rewritten it so much in my head that it just flowed out once I actually sat down to write. The two of them have such an interesting dynamic: they're both quite sarcastic, heavily dislike each other, and are really a match in terms of their personalities. I think what I loved most about writing it is that at that point in time, Draco is an agent of chaos. He's in jail, his side has lost, so he's a clever kid who's lost A Lot, and has nothing to lose. So, I think whatever held him back in Hogwarts about being "proper" and living up to his father's name, now he gives exactly no fucks. And, people like that are 1) hilarious and 2) So Much Fun to write. I don't know if I'll write more Harry & Draco scenes 'cause honestly, it's not really the focus of the thing but I was toying with the idea of writing a ROAR piece about him. So, maybe someday haha :).

Anyway, thanks so much for your questions and kind words, you're an angel.

❤️

#castles #asked and answered #q

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pridepages · 1 year

Text

Playing It Close: Aces Wild

I just finished Aces Wild by Amanda Dewitt. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

Ever thought a heist movie would be better without pesky, horny subplots? You’re absolutely right. Allow me to introduce you to Amanda Dewitt’s Aces Wild.

Aces features an ensemble of asexual internet friends--loosely dubbing themselves a support group--who have never met in real life. That is, until Jack Shannon invites them to join him in Las Vegas where the Shannon family’s criminal empire is falling to pieces. The greatest love in Jack’s life is his family legacy: The Golden Age casino. With a rival owner betraying Jack’s mother to the police, Jack faces the loss of both his family and his future. Determined to save his world, Jack recruits his aces to join him in a heist that will take them to the inner workings of the rival casino owner’s empire in the hopes of finding evidence that will turn the tables and put the Shannons back on top.

It’s wildly, hilariously improbable. And let’s be clear: Jack’s willingness to flout the law and endanger his friends casts him as an absolute antihero. But that’s always half the fun. The other half is watching the disaster that is the aces encountering each other IRL.

Internet friendships can be a lifesaving grace for queer people today. Jack recalls the process of discovering his own identity online: “It’s very easy to lie about who you are on the internet. But sometimes the people on the other side of the screen are who you need to figure out who you are in the first place.” Discovering the word ‘asexual’ on a forum, Jack realizes that there are people out there that understand what it is to feel “like a puzzle, mostly put together but with a piece missing, waiting to be filled..the word ‘asexual’ took the puzzle piece and turned it, letting it click into place where before it’d been better to just leave the space empty. I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t empty. I wasn’t nothing at all. Just a little differently shaped.”

The thing about asexuality that we learn through Jack and his crew is that it very much is its own spectrum. How we do or do not experience sexual attraction impacts how we relate to our own gender and other people’s. The complexity of relationships between gender and sexuality under the ace umbrella are seen here in variety: Gabe is aroace, and may not be cis. Remy is non-binary and ace. And we learn that just because someone’s sexuality is ‘nope’ doesn’t mean that coming out is any easier. “It took me a long time to figure out who I was. And way longer to be ok with it,” says Gabe who as an aroace feels “functionally invisible in a world where everything seemed built around settling down with a romantic partner.” It can be isolating, and that hurt, that frustration in being misunderstood can be misdirected into gatekeeping. Gabe runs afoul of fellow ace Lucky, accusing her of being too young to ‘know for sure’ that she is ace. Accusations like that can make baby queers want to play close to the vest. Why share if someday you may have to discard an identity that no longer suits? But as Jack himself helpfully reminds us: “Sexuality can be fluid, or at the very least a journey, not to mention personal. If someone said they were ace or gay or whatever, you believed them. Assuming that you were straight until you ‘knew for sure’ only implied that it was better to be straight until you had no other choice.”

As Jack builds a group of people who understand the challenges of navigating the world as ace, he builds his community. But operating only through screens allowed them all to build relationships on foundations of carefully curated information. Getting to know his friends without the barriers between each other leaves poor Jack feeling raw, vulnerable, and exposed. And it also forces him to confront some of the nuances of his particular experience of asexuality: “it was complicated in ways that I was just figuring out. Just because you didn’t experience sexual attraction didn’t mean you didn’t experience romantic feelings.” And, as it turns out, as close as Jack likes to hold his cards...it turns out he has no emotional pokerface. Gabe is quick to pick up--and call out--Jack’s “big, squishy crush” on Remy. (Jack’s absolute conviction that he is cool, aloof and unreadable when he is in fact an obvious disaster is an ongoing theme, bless him.)

What I appreciated most about Jack’s emotional arc and growth as a character was that he both learns how to be more honest with people without feeling the pressure of having to show his entire hand. His friendships with his fellow wild aces Gabe, Remy, Lucky, and Georgia all grow closer. He even learns how to let his sisters into his life. With one caveat: Jack never comes out.

While of course the fellow aces know and see each other, Jack ultimately makes the decision that now is not the time to be open about his identity with anyone else. When asked by Kerry how the gang knows each other, Jack concludes “it wasn’t my place to out them, even if I was reasonably sure Kerry wouldn’t care. For that matter, I wasn’t really interested in outing myself either. I had enough on my plate without having to break out the ‘asexuality spectrum and what it means’ presentation in the middle of the PizzaDome.”

Queer people can and do have honest and fulfilling relationships with people that don’t involve disclosing our identities. It’s not a lie. It’s not hiding. It’s just deciding that not everyone gets to see every card you hold. How you play the hand you’re dealt is up to you--as long as you promise not to fold.

#aces wild #amanda dewitt #aromantic #asexual #nonbinary #lgbt reads #queer lit

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simiansmoke · 10 months

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🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑

𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

how do they feel about having multiple partners at once? have they ever done it? //assuming both...physical or emotional aspects?

//Being a crown prince, it's no surprise there's...manyish takers when it comes to suitors or just random hook-ups. Maybe it's because he's betrothed at birth that he doesn't sweat thinking about the technicalities so much since that's his anchoring point and any and all weird shit that happens before he gets there won't matter in the end.

That said, he doesn't exactly go looking for trouble, but he definitely participates in activities that leave him lit like a beacon in its wake for trouble to find him. Particularly his partying that can end with him waking up with random strangers here and there. He's also not opposed to having 'benefits' with his friends (and some enemies coughcough) if they show interest and he's in a mood to give it a go.

As far as the emotional side of a relationship though, he hardly has enough energy or skill to even show his emotions to even one person successfully without getting frustrated, grumpy and misunderstood, so there would be little chance of him settling into that sort of relationship with multiple people, with crushing on multiple people in a non-physical way being the nearest thing to it. Actually committing and showing how he feels is way too difficult a task for him to have committed it without some heavy development and being comfortable enough to show his vulnerable bits to somebody without fear of judgement or rejection.

#//=3= his banana is slamma but his heart is wea k-#not sfw #suggestive

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theramseyloft · 2 years

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hello! ive been trying to look into pigeon/dove care as i intend to maybe raise one in the future, and i'm a bit confused in regards to mate bonding. i've seen people suggesting that having your bird see you as their mate is wrong or unethical somehow (without much elaboration), and then people saying it's normal and sort of unavoidable when it comes to raising a male. is there some kind of general consensus on this shared by like, most people who are well-educated on bird wellfare?

Keep in mind that when most people say "Bird", what they mean is "Parrot".

And the vast majority of parrots sold into the pet trade are imprints.

Imprinting doesn't just make the care taker "mommy".

It sets the care taker up as both the "Species I am" and "ideal mate" templates.

The problem we see with imprinted pigeons, especially cocks, is one of communication.

If you are the same species as him, you should understand the communication that comes instinctively to him, and respond appropriately.

When you don't, it doesn't occur to him that you misunderstood.

If you and he are the same species, how could you have?

From his perspective, not responding as he instinctively expects of an interested partner means that you must simply hate him.

Pigeons do not have a concept "reasons I can't discern".

If he can't discern a reason, then there is not one from his perspective.

Like pigeons, physical contact anywhere other than the feet, head, and neck is mate and current nestling-exclusive privilege in Parrots.

Pigeons are monogamous, but not the way we and Parrots are.

Both halves of a pair of pigeons can have as many sexual partners as they want, so long as their mate gets priority when they want sex.

This is not how Parrots work!

Parrot mates are not allowed side flings.

Their partner defends the right to their exclusivity by force when they feel it threatened.

For an imprinted parrot, that means any one who touches its care taker is a threat to their relationship and must be fended off.

A sexually frustrated parrot will also lash out at its unfaithful care taker out of frustration.

And with the larger species able to bite through broom handles and even the smallest species capable of inflicting deep lacerations, mate bonded parrots are downright dangerous for their care takers.

Because parrots are largely opportunistic breeders, meaning that they lay when conditions are right, having enough food, a comfortable nest, and what they consider a stable partner is enough to get hens stuck in a perpetual laying cycle.

After all, in a pet home, those conditions will never not be met, so her laying cycle will never be interrupted.

Parrots are not designed to lay clutch after clutch after clutch.

They start leeching the calcium for egg shells and chick skeletons out of their own bones, which warps them a little more round by round.

Eventually, the pelvic opening is no longer large enough for eggs to pass through, and the hen can become fatally egg bound.

This adds up to mate bonding with an imprinted parrot being dangerous both for the care taker and the bird.

Bonding with a pigeon, because of how different they are from parrots, is neither harmful to the bird or the care taker.

Their drive to bond is stronger than the drive to actually reproduce, and their mental health just goes to crap if they can't.

If you are not comfortable with the idea of your pigeon seeing you as a mate, get two so they have some one they can bond with.

Pigeons were the first birds we ever domesticated. Before even chickens.

Rock doves could not physically support year round clutches,

But domestic pigeons, who have had thousands of years to physically adapt to every aspect of life with humans, including all conditions for laying being perpetually met, very easily can.

Provided their dietary needs are met and they are allowed to set their clutch or a fake for the full 18 days it takes for the peep to hatch and the mother to recover what she lost.

Where the act of stroking a parrot's back simulates a half assed failed attempt at treading by an inexperienced or not really all that interested mate that leaves the parrot frustrated...

Pigeon mating takes about .5-3 seconds and it's done.

Being stroked and cuddled by their care taker is a lavish display of affection by pigeon standards that feels to them like treading extended into cuddling in their nest.

For a human-social pigeon, this is bliss.

With there being no danger to you or the bird, whether or not to have a single pigeon who is going to bond with you whether imprinted or not is entirely for your comfort to decide.

If you are not, get two pigeons and do not adopt an imprint.

An imprinted pigeon is, by definition, mentally ill.

We touched on how hard imprinting makes communication with their care taker earlier

You cannot un-imprint a bird.

Imprinting is the fundamental base of its mental development that influences every other aspect of its life for the rest of its life.

The "species I am" and "ideal mate" templates, once set, are irrevocably hard wired in.

Once imprinted on a human, a bird is no longer capable of recognizing anything else as its own species.

Imprinted pigeons cannot communicate with their care takers *or* their own species.

They react to other pigeons trying to communicate with or court them the way you would to a monkey demanding sex in sign language.

You are kinda stuck if your pigeon is an imprint.

They usually can't live with other pigeons, unless there is a human living with them full time to mediate.

Cheeto is an imprint that survived release by clinging to the first human he found.

While he was being fostered in a loft, he was terrified of the other pigeons and avoided them as much as he could, clinging to his foster care taker when she came out to tend her flock.

He was terrified of Cotta when he first came in, and only got to be sort of ok with him because he had the option to seek me or my husband out for company.

A parent-raised, human-socialized pigeon understands that their care taker is not the same species as them.

Because the drive to bond is about as strong for pigeons as the need to eat, a parent-raised, human-socialized will still become sight-mated to their care taker if not provided a pigeon mate.

But knowing that it and its care taker are not the same species makes a human-social non-imprint aware of the communication gap, which it will try to bridge.

This makes attempts to train and communicate with your bird much easier on both parties.

Allowing the parents to raise a peep and socializing it like you would a litter of puppies or kittens results in a mentally and emotionally stable bird that could live happily in a loft among its own species or in a human household as part of what it considers to be a mixed species flock.

And for this reason, hand rearing is an absolute last resort, to be undertaken only if there are no fosters available and the peep will die if I don't.

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