#oh the desperation to be more than yourself

[agirlwithglam]

but honey, what about you?

you're always there for others. always listening to them about their problems, always trying to help them out, make them feel appreciated and included, but what about you? you, my sweet princess are so gentle and kind to others, are so considerate and uplifting with others, you are perfect, or at least you aim to be. but honey, what about you? you give and give and give so much love and appreciation to people in your life, but yet you dont give it to yourself? what kind of crusty musty dusty behaviour is this? it is not arrogant or rude to love yourself the same way you love others. i promise you, it is not. and if the people around you currently can't understand that, then i promise you that one day you will find someone who will.

but in the meantime, my only request is to treat yourself with the same unlimited love you give others. listen to your own problems, be gentle and kind and patient with yourself, try thinking about yourself for once, ok?

you, my dear angel, deserve the same treatment as you treat others. but then you find yourself wondering that if thats how it should be... why don't i feel loved and included? because not everyone has the same heart as you sweetheart. not everyone has the same pure intentions and heart as your own beautiful, flawless self.

remember that you are completely perfect, just the way you are. girliepops, you are thee dream girl. are you funny? caring? patient? kind? understanding? inclusive? positive? happy? loving? smart? have a good personality? then girl stop worrying. literally the only thing thats missing is the confidence and self love. you're perfect. not even kidding. stop lying down on a puddle so others don't get wet. thats not your responsibility. let me rephrase that: it is not your responsibility to disrespect or hurt yourself for others. in fact, not only is it not your responsibility, it is something that you absolutely mustn't do. don't laugh at something thats rude to you. don't be desperate in trying to entertain others. you are not on this earth to entertain others, but to entertain yourself.

by all means, love people above and beyond, but that includes you. your love for you must be unlimited. why? because every. single. inch. of you deserves love.

tbh idk how much more i can say this. love yourself. love yourself. love yourself!! please oh for the love of god, believe that you're deserving of a pure kind of love, the way you love others. you're more than deserving! own it! <3

#agirlwithglam🎀✨ #self love #self growth #self validation #self care #self imp #self worth #it girl #it girl energy #self improvement #becoming that girl #self development #girlboss #girlblog #girlblogging #dream girl #love #positivity #loving yourself #becoming her #self love tips

[kyeomkuppie]

Gorgeous.

Pairing: Seungkwan x gn!reader

Genre: fluff

Synopsis: You got caught admiring your boyfriend.

"Earth to [name]? Hellooooo, are you there?" He pretended to knock on your head.

Seungkwan had been ranting about how rough his day was for the past 30 minutes, and yes, you did hear half of it but at some point you began to lose focus. The way his lips were moving and how his eyes were wide with frustration— oh wow.

You'd always known your boyfriend was gorgeous, but the realization had suddenly dawned on you, that hey, he was so damn handsome and you didn't look at him nearly enough.

His nose, his eyes, his lips, his voice— you suddenly felt your forehead being flicked "Ow!" You glared at the man next to you.

"Don't look at me like that! You weren't listening." he huffed, glaring at you back.

"But I was!"

"Okay, then what was I saying?"

"Stop acting like a child, I said I was listening!" He flicked your forehead again.

"Ow! Will you stop it?" You furrowed your eyebrows "So you weren't listening." He snapped back.

"I mean what's more important than listening to your lovely boyfriend?!"

"Admiring him." There's only one way to shut Seungkwan up— bingo, to fluster him. And it's not like what you just said was false you really were admiring him. It was obvious. Embarrassingly obvious.

Uh-oh, we're losing him.

His face was getting redder by the second. He might as well be as red as the strawberries on the table.

"Excuse me?!" He looked at you like you just offended his whole bloodline. He tried to act cool and brushed his hair back. "I know I'm handsome and all, but at least try to be a bit subtle." He scoffed.

He was now acting all tough and unbothered by what you just said, but you knew better. You'd pushed a button, the shy Seungkwan button, so you smiled wickedly to yourself.

"You said it yourself baby. My lovely boyfriend. How could I not admire someone so lovely?" You kept exaggerating the word "lovely".

"I mean your handsome, cute, you have a nice voice, nice hair, nice eyes, a cute nose—"

"Stop. You're over-exaggerating." He desperately tried to hide his face away from you, but you grabbed it with both your hands.

You gave him a peck on the lips, which made matters worse. He could've sworn that words were supposed to come out but they couldn't.

"You're the most handsome man I've ever laid my eyes on. How could I not lose focus? You're just too damn gorgeous."

Yeah, you have to call an ambulance. His cheeks were getting hotter by the second. You didn't know how that was exactly possible either, but then again, days with Seungkwan were never really normal.

#seungkwan #seungkwan x reader #seventeen #svt #svt fluff #svt imagines #svt scenarios #svt drabbles #svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen fluff #seungkwan x you #svt seungkwan #seventeen seungkwan #boo seungkwan #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt carat #caratblr #seungkwan fluff #kpop ff #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #fluff #kpop writers #seventeen ff #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen carat #carat seventeen

[princessbrunette]

you remembered the first time you laid eyes on jj maybank.

a shitty admin job was the best you could score from your father, the sheriff — something light you could add to your resumé, whilst doing minimal work. you didn’t anticipate working in the local jail to be as boring as it was, despite knowing you were going into a job that consisted solely of checking people in and out and punching names into a computer. you tried to make it as fun as possible, showing up in your cutest miniskirts, fluffiest jackets, daintiest mary-jane heels, but there was never anyone interesting coming in and out the cells, only drunks being thrown into the tank after one too many.

that was until jj came along.

it was like everything moved in slow motion the first time he got brought in. your father had the blondes wrists clipped behind his back, shoving him along the hallways. it was the first young person you’d gotten in weeks, your shoulder finding the door frame as you stare, watching in intrigue. whatever jj had done to get himself wound up in a cell, he didn’t seem remotely sorry about it. the smirk on his face was worn proudly as a medal, even whilst being shoved along by the sheriff he had this swagger to each step. you didn’t even realise you were staring, dressed in all your girly glory until he locked eyes with you.

his smirk spread on his face. jj knew who you were, but that was to no surprise — everyone did. the sheriffs daughter. a title you wore not so proudly, as all it did was get you labelled as a narc by association in high school and barred from any party where drinking or smoking could potentially be occurring. jj’s eyes drag down you, and then back to your eyes, even turning his head to hold the eye contact as he got shoved into a cell.

your father followed his gaze before grabbing a fistful of his white tshirt to hold him straight. “and quit eye balling my daughter, would you?”

he holds your gaze with that amused grin for a moment longer before blinking down at the shorter man. “thats my bad, sheriff.” he drawls in that lazy southern accent of his. you had to have him.

it was over from that point on. you’d seek him out, tired of being associated with your fathers profession and wanting to have some fun for once. jj was more than happy to oblige, infact he couldn’t believe his luck. there was a thrill to the two of you being out in the open together, something in the two of you wanting to be caught — just to see what would happen. you’d even go as far as to makeout against your car right outside the station after you’d finished a shift, jj all but shoving his tongue down your open mouth as his hands grope you all over for other officers to see and relay to shoupe.

jj frequently returned to his temporary cell with all the trouble he’d get in — your glossed lips turning upwards elatedly at the sight of his cuffed form trudging its way through the hall like routine. you’d even gotten to the point of ignoring your father and running to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “oh jayj what’d you get yourself into this time?” you whine, only for him to chuckle it off with the same joke he made each time.

“maybe i just wanted to see you, babydoll.”

by which at this point, your father had yanked you off the boy, sending you away. “go do your work, don’t lemme tell you again.”

of course it drove a wedge between you and your father. but he deserved it! he ruined your social life growing up by shutting down parties and arresting your peers, the least you could do was date one of his hottest cell-regulars. every gaze across the waiting room as maybank checks out was met with your father appearing seemingly from nowhere to ask “you really think it’s gonna work out with a kid like that? don’t come cryin’ to me when you get hurt. i warned ‘ya.” to which you’d roll your eyes and walk away. jj would never hurt you, not unless you asked him to.

he was always desperate to get his hands on you in other ways during your alone time, crowding you from behind at the sketchy bar he’d brought you to and wrapping his arms round your waist.

“your daddy’s gon’ be real mad at me for bringing his sweet little daughter to a joint like this.” he jokes, pressing kisses to the sweet spot behind your ear as you lose interest in attempting to attract the bartenders attention.

“he’s not the boss of me.” you sigh, eyes fluttering at the feeling of his hands and mouth on you. you hear him chuckle, craning round to look at you from the side.

“nah? all grown up now, huh.” he comments, making a weak giggle leave you as you press your ass further into his crotch. “guess someone’s gotta step up then, right? maybe next time i’ll be the one puttin’ you in cuffs. bet you’d like that.” his coarse hands slide down your arms to your wrists before binding them with his hands behind your back, continuing to attack your jaw and neck with little kisses.

“you can do whatever you like to me, jj.” you admit sweetly, and he responds with a kiss to your cheek.

“i know. it’s my favourite thing about ‘ya.”

#jj maybank prompt #sheriffsdaughter!reader #criminal!jj #?

[elusivewildflower]

Never Leaving You Again | Colt Seavers x GN! Reader

Pairing: Colt Seavers x GN! Reader

Summary: After getting into a car accident and being unconscious for several days, Reader wakes up to find their ex-boyfriend Colt in their hospital room. They haven't spoken since his own accident over a year ago and Reader isn't exactly thrilled to see him.

Warnings: Hospitals, mention of injuries, very angsty as reader was ghosted by Colt a year ago and now he's shown back up. Ends happily, though!

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: As always, thanks to the Goose Groupies for the help with ideas and encouragement!! This is loosely based off of this idea that @hederasgarden reblogged the other day! I've still got another Colt fic that is nearly finished, as this idea was a nice surprise to take over my muse! I hope you all enjoy! Please like and reblog!

As you regain consciousness, the first thing you notice is the sound of rhythmic beeping. Your eyelids feel heavy and your mouth is drier than the Sahara Desert. It takes a few attempts of opening your eyes before you’re finally successful. When you do, you’re greeted by the sight of a tiled ceiling. A few moments later and you begin to become aware of the rest of your body. Your head is pounding, you have a sharp pain in your ribs every time you breathe, and you’re pretty certain one of your legs is broken. There’s other aches and pains radiating throughout your body, but you’re unable to pinpoint exactly where quite yet. 

You’ve deduced that you’re in the hospital. The sound of machines beeping, the familiar weight of an I.V. needle in your arm, and the harsh lighting made that easy to figure out. Now, you just needed to remember how you had gotten here. As you push yourself up into a sitting position, which causes your ribs to ache in protest, you let out a hiss of pain. Suddenly, you’re aware that you’re not in the room alone. 

“Oh thank God, you’re awake!” A cry of relief came from a voice that sounded all too familiar. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion at first, and then with anger. Sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair was none other than your ex, Colt Seavers. He certainly looked worse for wear. His short blond hair was all disheveled, he had bags under his eyes, and his clothes were wrinkled. 

What the hell was he doing here?

You opened your mouth to ask that very question, but no sound came out. A hand rose to your throat as you realized you desperately needed something to drink. 

Sensing what you needed, Colt rushed to your bedside table to pour you a cup of water from the pitcher that sat there. Wordlessly, you accepted the drink and gulped it down in record time. Colt took the empty cup from you and sat it back down. 

“How are you feeling? Would you like more water? Do you remember anything?” Colt fired questions rapidly as he worried over you. 

He was acting as if everything was completely normal between you. As if he had never ghosted you over a year ago and broke your heart. It was bad enough that you were still trying to piece together what landed you in the hospital in the first place, but for him to be here too? You were beyond confused and you were livid. 

“What the hell are you doing here, Colt?” Your words didn’t hold as much menace in them as you felt, but you chalked that up to the fact that your voicebox felt strained.

Colt’s face fell drastically. He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked. His blue eyes darted back and forth as he tried to find his words. “I….I was your emergency contact.” He spoke softly, sounding deflated. 

You sat there in silence for a moment as that information sank in. Fuck, did you really forget to change that? You shook your head, just because he was your contact and he showed up doesn’t make everything alright. He nearly died over a year ago from a stunt gone wrong and he didn’t let you sit at his bedside, so why did he deserve to sit at yours? 

“You shouldn’t have come, Colt. You need to leave.” You finally broke the silence with your firm words. 

Somehow Colt’s face fell even further. You didn’t understand why he looked so devastated. Neither of you had spoken since his accident, and it wasn’t from lack of trying – at least on your part. He ignored every single phone call and text message you sent. After a while, you had to give up. It wasn’t healthy to continue begging a man to let you take care of him – to be there for him. 

Tears began to well up in Colt’s eyes as he looked away from you. He sniffled and chuckled ruefully before speaking. “I thought if you still had me as your contact, then that meant you would want me here…” 

Your mouth dropped open for a moment as you were at a loss for words. You stared at him in disbelief. “We haven’t spoken in over a year, Colt! You….you ghosted me!” Colt flinched as your voice raised, but you continued on. “You ignored me!” Your arms flailed around wildly as you shouted. “You shut me out!” By now, tears had welled up in your own eyes and were trailing down your cheeks. “Why would I want you here?!” 

Colt didn’t have a chance to respond as the volume of your voice must’ve alerted the nurses you were finally awake. Seconds later, one popped in with a concerned look. “Is everything alright in here?” 

You glanced between the nurse and Colt with a heavy sigh, but nodded. Colt remained silent and his gaze was now glued to the floor. Every so often you could hear him sniffle and his hand would raise to wipe at his nose. You tried your best to blink back your tears as the nurse came over to check your vitals. 

The air in the room was heavy and uncomfortable as the nurse asked you various questions about what you remembered. It started with your name, your birthday, where you worked, and ended with what you recalled from your accident. Thankfully, in the last ten minutes of arguing with Colt, the memory of the car crash had come back to you. What you didn’t realize, however, was that you had been unconscious for several days. The nurse took her time explaining to you the extent of your injuries and that you’d be staying in the hospital for at least a few more days. She refilled your cup with water and told you the doctor would be in to see you shortly before leaving. She shot one last glance towards Colt on her way out. 

Now, the two of you were alone again. After you reached over to grab your cup of water and take a few sips from it, your attention settled on Colt. God, he really looked like shit. Even more so now that his eyes were red and puffy from crying. He still refused to look up from the tiled floor, but you could see the tears that continued to fall down his face. You let out another heavy sigh, ignoring the sharp pain in your ribs. He was crying because of you. While a part of you rejoiced to know that he felt at least a fraction of the hurt you felt when he left you, the other part of you ached with regret. 

You set your cup back on the bedside table. “Have you been here the whole time?” You asked softly.

Colt finally lifted his gaze to meet yours and nodded. “I came as soon as I got the call.” He then chuckled wetly as he brushed away a few tears and sniffled. “I didn’t want you to be alone.” 

The ache in your heart only worsened at his admission and tears were blurring your vision. But there was still one nagging question you had to ask. “Why didn’t you let me be there for you?” 

Now it was Colt’s turn to sigh heavily. His hands rubbed up and down his thighs as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I…was embarrassed and felt like a failure.” His eyes refused to meet yours as he continued. “I nearly killed myself in front of you and the whole crew because I made a miscalculation– which turns out, wasn’t a miscalculation at all.” His words confused you, but he didn’t leave any time for you to speak. “But, at the time I thought I had screwed up. I didn’t think you’d want to deal with all of the….serious stuff.” 

All you could do was shake your head as Colt rambled on. “You know, the surgeries, the rehab, the…bathroom stuff.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders. “After a while, I realized my mistake. But I thought it was too late….That you had probably moved on.” He sucked in a shaky breath. “When I got that call…” He trailed off for a moment, wiping away fresh tears that had fallen down his cheeks. “I finally knew how you felt that day and I am so sorry for shutting you out.” Colt finally let his baby blues meet yours as he apologized. 

“I thought that if I was your emergency contact, that maybe I hadn’t missed my chance.” His eyes fell from yours once more as he shook his head solemnly. “I see now that I was wrong…” Colt pushed himself up from his seat and heaved a sigh, glancing towards the door before speaking once more. “For whatever it’s worth, I’m still in love with you.” 

As you watched him walk towards the door, your heart felt as if it was breaking into two all over again. You knew deep down that you couldn’t let him leave. “Colt, wait–.” 

He halted in his tracks and looked at you expectantly. You could see it written all over his face – the hope that you would tell him what he desperately wanted to hear. 

More tears cascaded down your cheeks and your lips trembled as you drew in a shaky breath. “I’m still in love with you too.” You admitted softly.

A beaming smile spread across Colt’s face as he laughed with relief. He was happier than you had seen him in a very long time. In mere seconds he crossed the room and crashed his lips against yours. His large, calloused, hand reached for your jaw and held you in place. He didn’t want you pulling away from him any time soon, but you had no plans of doing that anyway. One of your hands threaded through his messy hair as you passionately devoured each other. His thick beard scratched across your skin, but you loved every second of it. Your heart rate was increasing by the minute, the rhythmic beeping kicking up in tempo, but neither of you cared. It had been far too long since your last kiss. When you absolutely had to pull away for air, there was hardly a gap between you. Your breaths mingled and noses nuzzled against each other gently. 

After a moment of having full oxygen in your brain again, your confusion from earlier returned. Your brows furrowed as you posed your question. “What did you mean by your accident wasn’t a miscalculation?” 

Colt chuckled softly, planting another kiss on your lips. “Oh, sweetheart, we’ve got a lot to catch up on.” 

This time, you couldn’t help but laugh too. “Mm, eighteen months is a long time to be apart.” Your mind is briefly filled with all of the things you would have to catch him up on. For the first time in a long time, you feel giddy.

“And I’m never leaving you again.” He murmured confidently, the tears in his blue eyes finally drying up as a light now shined within them.

You captured his lips in a tender kiss and he responded eagerly. It wasn’t long before his tongue was licking into your mouth and exploring every inch that he had missed in your time apart. You knew there was much for you to discuss, and you had a lengthy road to recovery, but there was no one else in the world you’d rather be with than Colt.

The two of you would figure it out – and that gave you hope for the first time in over a year.

#colt seavers fic #the fall guy fic #colt seavers x reader #colt seavers x gn! reader #colt seavers #the fall guy #ryan gosling fic #ryan gosling #my fics

[mj0702]

For @tasha95 ... I hope it meets your expectations 😅 I got a little carried away 😅😅

“Bitsy I love you... I REALLY love you but this is ridiculous” Keira said one evening after training as you two were driving back to her home

“What?” you said absently as you looked up from your phone

“The situation between you and Ona” the blonde clarified

“There is no situation” you grumbled getting back on your phone

“There is... I don't know what happened and you know I'll never push you to tell me but I have eyes and the way Ona always looks over at you and you avoiding her like the pest is a dead give away that there is a situation” Keira said as she stopped at a red light

“There is no situation” you answered

“Bitsy” the blonde said softly

“I let a fan comment get the better of me and said some.. not so nice things” you mumbled

“What did the fan said that YOU of all people let it get to you?” Keira asked her hand finding your knee to calm you down

“They asked me if Lucy and Ona where a thing since Lstans wedding or before... you know.. back in Manchester” you mumbled getting even more ashamed

“Oh Bitsy... you started to overthink didn't you?” the blonde sighed

“Yeah... I called them hypocrites” you said looking down on your hands

“Why?” Keira asked confused

“Lucy was so upset about G and I and I really thought they started before....” you left the rest of the sentence open

“... you thought Lucy cheated on me with Ona?” Keira said confused and shocked

“Kinda... yeah” you mumbled

“And that would make Ona a hypocrite how?” the blonde started do push the answer out of you a little bit

“Don't know.... I was just so mad” you said honestly

“I DO understand where you're coming from Bits... and you know I'm always in your corner but you probably hurt Ona.. I know you didn't have it easy in the past but you need to suck it up and apologize” Keira said seriously her hand still on your knee squeezing it lightly

“I know.... I REALLY know... I just don't know HOW” you said your voice a little desperate

“Ona is very forgiving you know... pull her aside and apologize – a real honest apology and I can promise you she'll forget about it” the blonde smiled encouraging “... but you hurt her”

“I know... I feel very bad about it” you mumbled embarrassed

“Good.. you are an amazing person Bitsy – just show Ona” Keira smiled as she pulled into the driveway

That was one week ago. You still haven't apologized. Simply due to the fact that every time you talked some courage into yourself and you were on the way towards Ona to finally apologize someone called her, talked to her or swept her away for some media. So you retorted to you last resort which brought you to the current situation – slumped down against Lucys front door waiting for the familiar black Cupra to pull up. You were waiting now for two hours now and there was still no one in sight. Your phone nearly dead from all the texting with your girlfriend you were down to count the pedals of the roses in the small front yard. Finally there was a car coming down the street and you got some hope that it was Lucy but you soon realized that it wasn't. So you kept on waiting – you told Keira where you were so she wouldn't freak out but right now you wished for nothing more than someone familiar next to you. The sun began to set about 20 minutes ago and it started to get dark really quickly. You were tired – so so tired. Since you were back in Barcelona – and after you kind of worked through your trauma about your ACL and the realisation that you'll never ever play professional football again – you started to kick the ball around more often. Mostly with Mapí, Pina and Patri who never said a single word about how broken you looked. Even tho the three took it lightly with you it costed you a lot of Energy to keep up with them. The first time they saw you again when Lucy brought you back from Munich, your girlfriend right next to you not letting you out of her sight for a single second – they where shocked but never ever said a word about it and just accepted everything you were willing to give freely.

So you pulled the Barcelona Jacket you got from Alexia - in a small moment between the two of you – tighter around you and got a little more “comfortable” against the door. You didn't plan to fall asleep but eventually you did. That's how Lucy and Ona found you about one and a half hours later when they finally made their way home – having stopped for some dinner spontaneously on the way and then taking a little walk at the beach.

“Bubs? Hey Bubs” Lucy said softly and started to shake you lightly so she wouldn't startle you

“Hm??” you grunted lowly not really waking up

“Come on Bubs... it's getting cold here... let's get you inside” your sister said lovingly as she picked you up like you weight nothing

“Can't... need to wait for Ona.... need to pologize” you mumbled still three quarter asleep not realizing that Ona was right next to Lucy

“It's okay Bubs” Lucy mumbled into your hair holding you tightly against her while Ona unlocked the door “You can apologise tomorrow”

“No...” you whined as you drifted off to sleep again “... trying for a week now... always someone stealing her”

“She'll be right here when you wake up Bubs” your sister said as she carefully laid you down on “your” bed before leaving the room letting the door a small bit open so you wouldn't feel trapped if you'd wake up later

“She doesn't need to apologise” Ona said immediately as Lucy came back into the living room “I know she didn't mean it”

“She needs to... for her own sake... I saw how she tried the whole week to try and come over to talk to you” Lucy said as she opened a bottle of wine since they had a day off tomorrow

“When?” Ona asked confused not noticing how you struggled to find a way to talk to her “I kept an eye on her but every time I looked she was either deep in conversation or with the Trio of Trouble”

“Mhm...” your sister confirmed while passing a glass to her girlfriend “... and every time she looked over you were either in conversation or got stolen away for media – it drove me crazy to watch the two of you looking past each other for a week”

“Why didn't you say anything?” the spaniard said confused

“Not my place....” Lucy shrugged her shoulders “... that's something between her and you”

“Morning” you mumbled once you dragged yourself into the kitchen

“Bon dia Bebita” Ona said softly reaching you a cup of coffee

“I want to apologise” you mumbled lowly after you took a small sip of coffee

“No need Bebita...” the blonde started but you interrupted her immediately

“... yes need... what I did and say wasn't okay... not at all... Lucy and Keira always told me not to listen to fans or media... I don't know why this comment got to me the way it did.... maybe because Lucy was so... shitty about G and I... I don't know... but you had nothing to do with it... I'm sorry Ona... I'm sorry I pulled you into the shit I made up in my head” you said honestly but you couldn't bring yourself to look into her eyes

“Look at me...” Ona said firmly and you thought you really fucked up and your mind started to go a million miles an hour about how you just destroyed either the relationship between Lucy and Ona or even worse for you – the relationship between your sister and you

“... Bebita... I really appreciate your apology – I do...” the spaniard started softly “... but there is no need. I know how certain comments can hurt – especially if they're made to get a reaction out of you... and I followed some pages online and not one of them posted anything about Lucys and mine relationship other than the usual – so you didn't let that comment get to you until you were out of the situation and that's worth more than every apology... at least to me... you didn't comment on it you left and you didn't bring Lucy or I in a situation where we had to think about a plan to do “damage control”... you showed me that you accept me and our relationship... and that's the biggest gift you could give me”

[moirindeclermont]

Daily thread about BridgertonS3. We are almost there people, only 7 days left, we can do it!

Oh boy, today is going to be almost controversial I'd say. So, let's talk about what makes Colin different than all the previous male leads.

Spoilers, it's emotionally availability.

Comparing Simon and Anthony to Colin allows us to really see the difference. I love them both dearly, especially Anthony (and his first daughter syndrome, me 🤝 Anthony), but Colin has consistently demostrate througout the serie that he is different (not better or worse, just different).

He is not perfect by any means, don't get me wrong. He does make mistakes, but once he realizes that, he owns them. Apologize. And most importantly, he tried to do better.

He realized he loved pen at the end of episode 2, pass one (1) episode and a half pining and, as soon he realizes he has to do something, he does. Propriety being damn! And he doesn't stop there, because he proclaim his feelings only after confirmation that Pen is not elsewhere engaged, and he was ready to back away when it seems Pen was going to reject him, and he asked and waited for a visual sign of consent before showing her what she was missing, so to speak.

So, when I read posts saying he is boring, I get what they are saying. If you're not used to emotional availability, I guess it might comes out as boring (I'm sure it's not the only reason, but it's one of the reason for sure).

But this is the exact reason why we need many more male lead like Colin, because this is the type of positive masculinity we need so desperately. We need male leads that make mistakes, own them and act on their feelings in a open communication with their s.o.

Moreover, everyone has toxic behaviors, but the difference that exist between healthy and toxic people it's all in the acknowledge and the growth you do when you realize your behavior is hurting someone or yourself.

So, thank you Bridgerton (from Julia Quinn to the entire production team of the show, from Luke to us viewers) for creating a male lead that give us a different way of doing stuff. A more compassionate, healthy and resilient way of being in a relationship. Thank you!

#penelope x colin #colin x penelope #polin #bridgerton season three #netflix bridgerton #colin bridgerton #daily thread about BridgertonS3 #polin meta #polin supremacy

[basilpaste]

(actually got around to writing connies rude little ass being rude! yippee!!!!)

You sit on the cold damp ground, your only layer of protection a thin sheet folded thrice over. The chill sneaks into your bones. It's an unusual temperature for this time of year, but you suppose everything in Vaugarde is unusual at the moment. A little cold is nothing compared to the current state of affairs.

You hold a loosely held together manuscript on your lap. The draft is really more or less finished, but since your editor is currently frozen in time, you figured you might as well at least try to be mindful of your own work. Though with all the previous novels in the series at home, you can't easily screen for continuity. Just another reason to get to that wretched King.

Tapping your pencil to paper, your eyes glaze over the text. Ah! Désirée has an extra accent on her name there. You cross it off. No more Désiréé. Honestly, were you asleep while writing this chunk? The sentence structure of the next line is also… a bit off? It's technically correct, but it really would scan better in Poterian than Vaugardian. You miss writing in Poterian. Ugh.

"Conifleur."

You do not look away from your work, though you do jump. "Odile. I'm shocked to see you up this early. And here I though your 'old bones' needed some rest, dear."

"I'm sure. Just like how you are so desperate for your beauty sleep, right?"

You scoff. She thinks she has you clocked. It's annoying in the worst of ways to have to contend with someone who is no better than you. You know her type. You aren't stupid.

"I'm flattered that you're so concerned for me, darling! But can't one work in peace?" Your pencil scratches the page, leaving a thin line across the margin.

She sighs. From the corner of your eye, you catch her rummaging around in a small supply bag. "Of course not. You're here."

"Oh?" You tilt your head in faux-curiosity, "Is the crone annoyed with poor me? I've done nothing to you today, I'll have you know."

"Urgh."

"It's true! You're the one who went out of your way to make yourself known, dear. I was busy."

"Busy working on something that will help us on our travels, I'm sure." She kneels at the fire pit, sparking it with paper craft, "Like lighting the camp fire."

You blink, "I thought we were going to get moving when the others woke?"

"Yes," she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose, "but it's cold out. Since you've apparently put yourself on 'watch', it's your job to make sure no one gets sick from it."

… Loath as you are to admit it, she does have you there. You hum in response.

"And where are you off to? I was under the impression that we were still a few days out from the next town."

"There's a caravan that should have set up shop not far from here. I'm doing a supply run. More mouths to feed means we can't afford to rely solely on whatever Isabeau or I can identify and what we have stored." She pulls a coin pouch from her bag by the drawstrings.

That newest mouth to feed. Siffrin was… an enigma. Something about them was familiar to you. You were quite certain you didn't know him personally, but there was a nagging feeling you couldn't shake. They were quite good with that dagger of theirs, though, so you couldn't complain too much.

"Yes, well, I absolutely believe in your ability to charm the merchant into selling us all of their resources for a reduced fee." You say, "You are known for your endearing personality, after all. You positively exude grace."

You don't have to be looking at her to know that she rolls her eyes at you. Hmph. "Gems alive. I'm not going there to haggle, Conifleur. Just to buy."

"Shame," you hum, "and I was so looking forward to a bountiful harvest."

"Are you going to come with me or are you just going to complain at me?"

You jump a bit despite yourself. You just don't understand it! It's no secret that the two of you don't think much of each other, and yet she still invites you along. She has an ulterior motive, surely. To neg you, you suppose. You don't buy it.

You smile, "I thought I was on watch, dear! As talented as I may be, I simply cannot be in two places at once."

"Urgh." She slips her coin pouch back into the bag, slinging it over her shoulder, "By all means. Stay right where you are. I figured someone other than me might enjoy having a say in what I buy for us."

"Wake dear Mirabelle or young Isabeau if you need a second opinion, darling." You scribble out a rough edit of that problem sentence from before.

"… The two of them deserve the rest."

You nod solemnly. That, at least, is something the two of you can agree on. Your companions are much too young for the burdens placed on them. Dear Mirabelle especially.

That said... "That they do. But Rejuvenation only knows that dear Mirabelle will dread waking up so late. Not that it's 'late' at all. You know as well as I how she is."

"Mirabelle would appreciate having a say." She mutters, glancing back at the tents.

"Exactly, darling!" You explain, bright as anything, "You two have fun with that! Until then: I am busy, I fear. Don't bother me anymore. Thank you."

She turns away from you without another word. Good. You can actually think without her incessant badgering.

... The fire warms you in the cold morning. You clench your jaw. You've got work to do, dear. Back to it!

#ocs #oc writing #isat oc #ocs: the author #basil writes #hes. Assholes. #in the fun condescending way where he acts like hes better than everyone #also something something trying to come up with poterian words and stuff. #something about fantasy france vs fantasy italy. i like to think poterias major religion is split from the same root as change is #hence him using 'rejuvenation only knows' as opposed to change #shrug.

[thus-spoke-lo]

cw: afab!reader [no pronouns used]; implied rough sex [mention of bruising, etc]; vaginal fingering; implied piv sex; biting [blood drawn]; hisoka is his own content warning™️ wc: 1.4K

You wake with a groan—eyes grainy, joints aching, muscles weak and jittery from being pushed well past their limitations until well into the night—as the first light of morning assaults you through your window shades. Morning has arrived far too soon, you think, at least until you roll over to clumsily reach for your phone and see that the first light of morning is in fact the mid-morning sun taunting you from beyond your blinds. It’s nearly noon, and you’re supposed to be at brunch in an hour, and at the moment, you’d vastly prefer to melt back into the mattress for another few days and let your body recover and the bruises begin to dissipate.

As you curse under your breath and mournfully slip out of the warmth of your covers to sit on the side of the bed, trying to will yourself to move muscle by muscle, limb by limb, a sound suddenly registers to your ears. The shower is running, the door cracked just enough for steam to slip out and shroud the corner of your room in a haze, a low and almost eerily cheerful humming coming from beyond the door.

Hisoka’s still here.

You flop back on the bed for the moment, eyes closed, arms spread wide, an uncomfortably satisfied feeling spreading in your chest. It wasn’t often that Hisoka was still around when you awoke in the morning, the bed sometimes still warm beside you, the sheets still smelling like the faintest whisper of candy, but an empty space left where he’d once slept. He came and went as he pleased, like a stray cat who you could never quite tame, one who would elude you the more you tried to ensnare him.

But every so often, he would make himself comfortable and allow you to domesticate him for the night, let himself be caged by your affection—even if it was only a dirty little trick meant only to give you the illusion of control, give you the swell in your chest of feeling like you held all the cards. You weren’t naive: you knew precisely what he was doing to you but welcomed it anyway, enjoyed the sweet deception while it lasted, no matter how brief.

The shower turns off and you glance over towards the bathroom, as though perhaps you’d made it all up somehow, that you were hearing what you wanted to hear and it was just your lust-addled mind playing a sick joke on you as it often did. After a few moments though, Hisoka appears in the doorway, his lithe body wreathed in steam, his hair still dripping, stray pieces clinging to the sharp angles of his cheekbones. Rivulets of water run down his muscled form, down the corrugated leanness of his abs, stopping at the towel that he holds loosely around his lean hips.

“Up so early, pretty?” he croons, letting the towel slip down a little, then a little more, until the base of his cock becomes tantalizingly visible.

“It’s almost noon,” you mutter distractedly, forcing yourself to sit up and focus on something—anything—other than what lies beneath that towel.

“So?” He saunters towards the bed, stopping just in front of you, the v-shaped muscles on his lower abdomen leading your gaze right to his covered length as it pulses just out of view. “What difference does it make, hm?”

“Well…I’m supposed to be at brunch at one.” Your reasoning is as flimsy as that towel that he finally lets drop to the floor, and a rush of heat burns inside you, cheeks warm and body tingling.

“Oh? Choosing your little friends over me, then?” Hisoka plays wounded so well, as he wraps his long fingers around his cock and strokes it a few times, moaning exaggeratedly with each movement. He shifts his stance and moves even closer, until the flushed pink tip his nearly brushes against your lips. “How cruel of you.”

“Please, I—I have to get ready.” Every nerve in your body was beginning to vibrate with that sick, desperate need he always pulls out of you, the kind that has you debase yourself in just about any way he pleases. “Let me up.”

“Have it your way,” he smirks, backing up just enough to allow you the space to stand, still holding his aching shaft in his hand. “Be nice and kiss me goodbye, at least.”

There is no kissing Hisoka first—just as you reach your feet, he grabs you by the nape of the neck to hold you still and captures your mouth with hungry urgency, his tongue sliding easily between your parted lips, overwhelming you until he’s all there is. He shoves his hand roughly down your panties, sliding one, then two fingers inside you, curling them forward to stroke that spot inside you that makes your legs tremble.

“Mm, so wet already,” he moans into your mouth, his thumb moving to press lightly on your clit. “You’d probably cum even if I barely touched you, hm? Such a needy little thing.”

“Hisoka, please, I can’t,” you mumble against his lips, everything in your body screaming that yes, yes actually you can, as you try to pull yourself away from him—but only barely of course, just enough for show.

“Oh?” He pauses his ministrations, slides his fingers out slowly, cruelly. “Did you want me to stop then?”

“No, of course not.” The words sound so pathetic passing your kiss-bitten lips, the mumblings of an animal in heat as you paw at him and shift your hips, rocking yourself against his hand.

“Come now, pretty—you act like you’d rather be sipping weak drinks and listening to office gossip instead of letting me ruin you.”

You swallow hard, flattening your lips. Of course you’d rather be here with him than drinking overpriced mimosas and half-listening to half-acquaintances. Of course you’d rather be pressed into the mattress, legs wrapped around his waist, his long cock filling you to the hilt, his nails digging into your flesh. But you won’t give him the smug satisfaction of an answer, only a long sigh.

“Oh, so it’s true then? I see.” Hisoka withdraws his hand from your panties and takes a step back, moving as if to find his long-discarded clothes. “Well, perhaps I should leave so you can have your little afternoon outing.”

“No, don’t, I—” You stop yourself short; you won’t ask him, you can’t, or he’ll only slip away from you like he always does when you push too hard.

A cruel grin stretches across his face, and he shoves you back onto the bed, yanking your panties down your hips and tossing them to the floor, though not before bringing them to his face and huffing the scent of you, groaning lewdly as he does. He crawls on top of you and cages you in with steely arms, examines his pretty little prey that so easily surrendered to his whims.

“Well, go on then,” he purrs, running his tongue along your jaw. “Tell me you want me to stay.”

“Hisoka, come on.” You look up at him with pleading eyes, run your fingers through his damp hair, twisting it between your fingers. You fix your mouth in a pout, as though it will earn you any favors. “Don’t make me.”

“Beg me.” He pins your wrists above your head with one strong hand, sharp nails digging into your skin, and grasps your chin with the other, forcing your gaze to meet his. “Beg for it, and perhaps I’ll consider it.”

His leaking cock nudges against your cunt, and you’re suddenly deeply aware of how much you ache, how hollow you feel without him. Hisoka leans down and sinks his teeth into your neck, sharp canines pressing harder and harder until you cry out and feel a warm little trickle of blood running down your skin, little shockwaves of painful pleasure electrifying your nerves. He runs his tongue over the tender spot, humming gleefully, before marking you again and again—he won’t relent until you admit defeat.

“Please—please stay a little longer,” you finally pant, rocking your hips against him with an insatiable need. “Just this once. Please?”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He enters you with a driving thrust, filling you completely in one swift motion, stilling his hips until you whine. “I was planning on staying anyway…but you’re just so cute when you’re desperate.”

#lo writes #hisoka x reader #hisoka morow x reader #hisoka #x reader

[catharticmoonshine]

mean!quaritch who loves to push your limits, loves to make you take just more than you can handle. he'll push another thick, blue finger into the warm embrace of your cunt, ingnoring your protesting whines of the stretch being too much for you to handle or your mewls of how full your poor little pussy feels with just two of his digits stuffed inside. he slides the third finger in slowly, huffing out a low, satisfied chuckle at the high-pitched and uncoordinated moans that spill from your spit-slicked lips. his cock twitches at the feeling of your plush walls clamping down impossibly tight on his fingers, almost like your cunt's trying to pull him in deeper. it certainly seems like it, judging by the way your back arches off the bed and how you're chanting his name over and over again like an ancient prayer.

mean!quaritch who calls you all kinds of names while he fucks you. He loves to degrade you, too. "y'really think y'deserve to cum? well, sweetcheeks, maybe y'should stop behavin' like such a desperate whore 'nd you'd actually get what'ya want", "Bit off more than y'can chew again, pet? maybe use that pretty little brain of yours next time 'fore y'start beggin' for my cock like a damn bitch in heat." he lives for seeing your pretty features scrunch up in embarrassment, the apples of your cheeks heating up like the blood underneath your sweet skin is boiling.

mean!quaritch who can't help himself when tears start to dotting your lashline. No matter if they're caused by him forcing one too many orgasms out of you, your puffy clit so sensitive that it borders on pain, the slick walls of your core fluttering so deliciously around his thick cock or by his sharp words. A mix of both is probably what he likes best. Your choked sobs and broken mewls are like music to him, his ears twitching towards you to not miss a single note of the symphony spilling from your lips. You're just too cute with your eyes all wet and lashes clumped together by the salty tears smeared over your cheeks, you can't blame him for being so utterly enamored with the sight you make. He might be an asshole about it in the moment, smirking down at you and pushing his cockhead extra deep into your cervix to hear you cry out under him, but he'll make up for it afterwards.

mean!quaritch who's all for the extremes. the times he's not overstimulating you until white spots cloud your vision, he won't let you cum at all. sometimes he wont even touch you. He'll make you watch him jerk off in front of you, slapping your hands away when you try to reach out for him or let your hands wander down to play with yourself. No, you don't get to cum until he allows it. If he does so at all. He loves painting your skin with streaks of his sticky cum, the slight bioluminescent blue hue looking so gorgeous on your supple skin. While he loves the sight of his spent on your tits or on your stomach, his favorite place to cum on is most definitely your pretty cunt. He'll shoot rope after rope onto the glistening lips of your pussy, watching it dribble down to pool on the sheets beneath you. Maybe he'll smear it further over your cunt with his now oversensitive tip, if he's feeling generous. Other times he makes you finger yourself in front of him, using his cum as lube to make the slide of your fingers extra slick. (not that you'd need any lube in the first place given how wet you've gotten watching him fist his cock over you) its messy, the way your fingertips rub your slippery clit, and it makes for such a pretty view. A satisfied grin grows on quaritchs lips as he commits the picture of you oh so lost in the hazy waves of pleasure beneath him to memory.

mean!quaritch who leaves hickes and bitemarks in places he knows you won't be able to cover up. He gets a dirty kind of satisfaction from seeing you get all pouty and angry at him when you discover them in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. And you're just too cute when you get all embarrassed because you can feel your coworkers knowing eyes lingering where purple and maroon bloom under your soft skin.

#quaritch smut #miles quaritch #quaritch x reader #recom quaritch #smut #atwow x reader #atwow fanfiction #atwow smut #atwow #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #miles quaritch fanfiction #miles quaritch x reader #miles quaritch smut #smut fic #smut writing #x reader #fem reader

[epiphainie]

i think a very tasty flavor of bucktommy angst would be a situation where there's a big emergency, maybe their apartment building is on fire or the hotel they're staying in is about to explode and it needs to be evacuated immediately. the two of them - immediately in lifesaver mode - quickly get everyone off the premises and barely make it out alive themselves.

then they realize someone is missing (an elderly neighbor who got stuck? a child they met during vacation whom buck bonded with?) and buck being buck wants to run back in and save them but the chances of him making it in and back again is extremely extremely slim and tommy sees this. so he doesn't let him.

like he physically holds buck back as buck tries to move in and buck immediately starts trying to fight him off and tommy does not let him go and they both begin screaming and shouting in each other's faces. it only lasts mere seconds, though, because during their struggle, the building actually goes boom. a loud bang, then the silence of the aftermath sets in.

this, of course, puts a strain on their relationship.

no, worse. this ruins their relationship.

because for months after this - months - they live in this perpetual feeling of grief and malaise and it turns their world upside its own head.

they're talking but not really. nothing more than mumbles of "how was your shift?" and "can you pass me the salt?"

they're touching but not really, a handjob here and there then lights off and their backs to each other.

they're tiptoeing around each other; they never ever tiptoe around each other.

it all is so foreign to them, so alien.

buck, of course, is wracked with guilt. how could he not be? he was right there when someone in danger needed his help, and he couldn't. he was right. there. he feels upset, no, he feels tormented. he's so angry with himself because it's his fault, isn't it, for missing the child the first time? children get stuck in the most unexpected places, after all, so why did he not check the room again? why did he not do a head count?

anger with himself, however, is familiar. guilt? he's experienced plenty of that too. no, the worst is the bitterness he feels. he feels oh so bitter, with resentment set deep in his chest, because how could tommy not let him do his job? how could tommy - who's always been respectful of buck's wishes and who knows just how desperately that child needed saving - dare hold him back and take this choice from him?

tommy, of course, does not regret it. he tells himself that every day because how could he regret keeping buck safe? it wasn't even a choice of buck's life over a kid's, tommy knows this, because there was no choice, not really. there was no way for buck to get the kid and get back to tommy safe and sound. he'd die, within seconds, in his reckless impossible attempt, and tommy knows this, and he. does. not. regret. it.

but it starts to fall on his own deaf ears as days pass and he sees his evan become even more withdrawn, torturing himself over someone who couldn't be saved. and the distance between them becomes wider, the cold snap even more sharper, and they're walking on eggshells around each other as it feels like one wrong move could bring everything down.

turns out, they need to break the eggshells to finally crack the ice. they realize this on a random, particularly cold night. neither can stand it anymore and at one point that icy pressure turns into screams of "why did you have to stop me?!" "you couldn't have helped him!" "you should have still let me do my job!" "it wasn't your job! and i wasn't gonna let you get yourself killed on our damn honeymoon!"

again, a loud bang. then the silence sets in.

then, for the first time in months, they find themselves actually in each other's space, reaching for the other. their chests rise and fall against each other as their arms find a hold on the other's back, shoulders, neck in desperation and they actually cry and talk and apologize and cry some more. it gets better.

#they actually process all this with a therapist i promise #at one point i got really committed to the idea of a lost child and this being their honeymoon #bucktommy #tevan #kinley #911 #911 abc #911 fic #spxcekya

[lesbianspeedy]

"my life is important to me and what i do with it has to mean something. and all i want to do is help people. that's it. i want to help." who has two thumbs and is thinking about this line at all times 👍👍 this guy

#winick cooked here i fear #anyway started thinking about the 'HAS to MEAN something' and how that could relate to a future and what legacy mia leaves behind #both as a hero and a person #and i like kinda went out of my mind #oh the desperation to be more than yourself #to leave behind more than a just a memory #mia dearden

[yoggybloggy]

"My other favourite thing about that lyric is ... "I want to be happy" doesn't fit enough. It adds a level of, "I'm kind of even sick of writing this song." ["Emaciated"] is very satisfying and rhythmic, and "I want to be - happy." You're literally quitting writing the song in the way that feels good, even."

— Phoebe Bridgers on the songwriting of "Letter To An Old Poet" (source)

#boygenius #the record #phoebe bridgers #this line is so special to me because like #immediately to me. it spoke not of someone who is so unhappy they are desperately pleading for some spark of happiness #but someone who is on their way there. someone who is ALLOWING themself to WANT to be happy #and idk theres just something so touching about that to me. something about giving yourself that grace and saying to yourself #i will let you desire the thing you thought you could never have. i'm ready to have it now. i want to be happy #i can't feel it. but i'm waiting. truly of all time ever #and the lyric being so simple and blunt communicating the readiness to get on with it because the song doesnt need anything more than that #and when phoebe said in that interview. you noticed it about me: i'm ready to be happy #the fact that lucy gave it to her it double kills me. you noticed it about me. oh the being seen and being known of it all

[strohller27]

.

#I’ve been thinking (and being alone with my thoughts like this is sometimes dangerous but what can ya do) #and like. I think I’ve been trying to make my standards high when it comes to dating to protect myself from getting hurt #which. of course? why wouldn’t I? but like. I think I tried to make my standards impossibly high so that when nobody lived up to them #I could just be like ‘oh! how sad! anyway it’s safer for me to be single because [whatever bullshit reason I can come up with]’ #and this does protect me from getting hurt. but it also protects me from good things like. being intimate with someone. #which. if I were to be perfectly honest? that’s the only thing in my life I think I’ve ever really wanted more than anything #but of course I’m scared of that. because being intimate with someone requires opening up to them. #laying yourself bare and hoping they stick around after seeing what you bring to the table. #and like. I feel like I’m the guy who is firmly planted in one of the tails of a normal distribution #(and I’m not talking about the better-than-average part of the distribution if you get what I mean) #so like. I know there probably aren’t a lot of people who would stick around after I took off all my masks and laid myself bare before them #and I haven’t met many people I’d be willing to try that for #but sometimes. someone comes into your life and you feel like you’re ready to risk it all #but you don’t. because being vulnerable is a dangerous place to be. feeling as desperate as I do at times is a dangerous place to be #and so I’m probably not going to risk anything. but. listen like #why.. if my standards are so high.. is there this person in my life capable of meeting all of them. #and why.. when I’m this out of my mind for someone.. do there seem to be so many obstacles between me and them #why do I always fall for the ones who listen to me and show me kindness when I’m fragile. #even when there isn’t a chance in heaven or hell that it’s gonna work out. #why do I often think about how many times we’ve hugged. why do I want to live up to their high opinion of me. #why do I play the things they’ve said to me over and over in my head like a broken record. #why do I always have to obsess about the people I fall for. why can’t I just be normal about this. #like. this is starting to get in the way of my everyday life. it’s occupying my mind most of the time. this can’t be healthy. #in short. why the Fuck am I Like This and How Do I Stop.

[glacierbash]

Oh man rhis esteem post is COMING along. There is so much to analyze. Readmore bc dark knight spoilers and also mentions of fictional suicidal ideation. Ouhh.

What composes darkness in my girlie’s head. What happens when this darkness is not content to rest and wait but instead toils and rages and it is strong enough to manifest and yet it’s the one that holds her when she feels most alone, and wipes away her tears, and whispers “the world would be better if you had been killed, you know. But that’s okay. We will make sure they regret letting us live.” And it’s always there to give her community and remind her that it’s “we, not I,” and that for each life she takes it grows stronger. Something something Iverelle’s childhood was so so so bad that it has inadvertently made Esteem stronger than imaginable. Something something the fact she grew up thinking every part of her was gross and wrong means Esteem has so much to work with. Something something it is so powerful it’s not even a direct clone anymore, but something twisted and warped and different and yet it’s still horrifically her and she hates it and it hates her and that only makes it stronger.

Something something she grows to love it because she’s tired of hating it and she’s tired of hating herself. Something something something “I miss my friend and you remind me of him.” Something “I wish I was worthy of love but I’m not, I’m a monster just like you, so I suppose loving you will have to do.” Something something Iverelle has physically and mentally been replaced so much she’s not the same person anymore and she fears Esteem is now closer to who she was than she is and she wonders if that means Esteem should have the right to her soul and body. But at least it loves her. It loves her more than she can love herself.

#hi. hi I’m having thoughts. bestie who made this happen: I’m despairing bc of you #oc: iverelle vauvenelle #just. there’s so much about it that matters to me. they are so special to me. #being so desperate for a connection you think you deserve bc you’re surrounded by people… #who are so much better than you and more deserving than you in every way #so you find it in the pieces of yourself that you hate. and uh oh ir loves you back. #breaking a mirror and every shard has a hand that reaches out. it’s you but it’s not. do you love this broken version of yourself. #do you love it more than you love the real you? how do you know it’s not you? you’ve never truly seen your face. #AughjsjxixjKnjkKJJGJHKDMF iverelle has a weird relationship with herself it’s ok

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

#November 5th #november 5 2020 #the fifth of november #just a random ramble #November 5th 2020 is such an important day to me #it really is a holiday #but it does confuse me when I see people analyzing it primarily as a supernatural thing #instead of a ‘hysteria over an election reaches a breaking point when inane zero stakes fandom news comes out and we all latch onto it’thing #but yeah!! #this is my personal essay out of love for the holiday

[sugutiva]

❝ TIL’ YOU DROP! ❞

— SYNOPSIS : classic overstimulation with jjk men.

— TAGS : gojo/geto/choso/toji x reader, smut, p in v, fingering, squirting (geto’s), size kink, dacryphilla, hair pulling, dirty talk, cream pie, unprotected sex, cursing, all lowercase intended !

☆ GOJO SATORU

“ a sight i’ll never get sick of…” gojo snickers to himself. taking in the sight of his sticky cum that he plastered on the display and dips of your back. some ropes of cum trickle from your spine to the crack of your ass.

his cerulean eyes then travel back to your small body; shaking from the aftershock of your orgasm. “ tsk tsk, hope yer’ not too fucked out for me…” his big hand made home on your hip, while his other tapped your swollen mound with his tip.

all senses came crashing back to you when he slowly, but surely stuffs himself back in the expanse of your cunt. “ satoru…” your kiss-bruised lips grunt out. every nerve of your body felt like it was alive and blazing on fire.

sticky fat globs of cum trickles down to the base of your plump ass to your thighs and everytime satoru’s sharp thrust align with your body; a loud sticky ‘ pap’ sound resonates loudly throughout the room and his ears. impossibly turning him on even more.

“ haah, t-turning me on even more. think you can handle five more rounds after tis’?” one of satoru’s legs are propped up, so he’s able to maintain his rhythm and dive into your pussy even further. creating more of an absolute mess out of you.

“ mmph— oh fuuuck! i—it’s too much, s-stop!” your body moves on its own and one of your legs fly up to slap satoru in the ass. but gojo’s firm hand slides down to still your ankle against the bed, while the rocks of his hips doesn’t stop even for a moment. grounding you completely on the bed so you won’t think to run away.

the feeling of him stirring your insides up and leaving your brain a mushy mess is enough to fill your clouded eyes with salty tears. a particularly wet sob catches the man’s attention, and he lets your ankle go to tug at your hair.

“ you crying on me, princess?” his cocky voice booms above you, and through your unintelligible sounds your mouth makes, you beg him to shut up. the bed jostles and creaks with every mind shattering thrust he gives you.

you couldn’t contain yourself any longer, a particular thrust of his has your vision brightening and you cumming on all ten inches of him with a loud scream followed by you collapsing on the bed. despite your body tapping out on him, satoru’s pace didn’t rest for second, but his lips curled down into a faux frown.

“ we gotta fix that stamina of yours, princess.” he pouts at your body twitching from the overstimulation and rocking under him with every push of his hips. despite his expression, he fucking adores the sight of you helped underneath him, and at his will.

his nails dig deep into the fat of your ass, before he rocks you and the headboard forward with a loud moan. satoru comes a lot. if you weren’t on the pill, it would be no doubt that you’d be pregnant with a good handful of his children by now.

“ hey, yer’ not sleep yet? guess we can do another round.”

☆ GETO SUGURU

“ s-stop! suguru, stop. it’s— ’s too much!” you’re words are punctured from your throat with deep gasps and moans. a tight pressure builds in your lower stomach with every electrifying thrust suguru gives with his fingers.

your nerves feels as if they’re on fire and your body desperately screams for a break. but his arm shows no signs of stopping or slowing down; muscles flexing, hair messily sprawled around him, his bottom lip caught in between his teeth.

“ gonna squirt f’me yet?” suguru asks, the evident of your past orgasms trickling down his forearm. every movement of his fingers feels more alive than the last, and every touch against your g-spot has your vision brightening and the coil in your stomach tightening.

his fingers curling and thrusting are the only thing that your mushed brain can comprehend. “ h-haaah, it’s dirty… m’ gonna- gonna piss!” your hips tremble, but suguru’s hand is braced firmly on your waist. his pace doesn’t relent.

his fingers easily glides in and out of your wet, gummy warmth easily. your moans and the uncontrollable actions of your legs increases; still so sensitive of the last orgasms suguru gave you and the ones to come yet.

“ we’ll take a bath and clean the bedsheets. hmm?” he sprinkles the dips of your collarbone in lighthearted kisses. that damned unhinged grin still plastered on his face. you grab desperately onto his hair, eyes fluttering back into your head and mouth hung open.

“ fuh— fuck!” your hips still along with your legs when you feel your pussy spray like an open faucet.

“ there she goes. told you, you could do it.” he eyes the beauty of your fluids going everywhere, your thighs contracting and twitching from your post-orgasm.

your slick arousal is everywhere. his arm, your legs, the bedsheets, everywhere.

he gives your wet cunt a soft spank before licking the rest coating his hand. through your weakened state, you watch him.

“ proud that you can keep up with me, baby.” he removes his now spit coated fingers with a loud wet pop sound. “ think you can still squirt on my cock?”

☆ CHOSO KAMO

“ h-haah. c-choso— baby, don’t think i can do it. ‘s too much!” you hiss out. you both fucked multiple times before, but to say you’re fully used to it, would be a stretch.

“ that’s it, baby. fuuuck, k-keep rocking your hips like that.” choso said, completely ignoring your desperate pleas to stop. his calloused hands traveled down to plant firmly on your hips, holding you in a way in which you can’t escape.

“ jus’ for you, cho.” you mutter out, before the action of you bouncing up and down on his lap increases viciously. the sinful sounds of your skin clashing down against his, all eight inches of him stirring up your insides, and both of your sweet moans combined together, sounded like a erotic song that choso would never get tired of hearing.

“ yea… that’s right,” he occupied his finger with the task of drawing tight circles on your twitching clit. he smiles in realization when you choke out a wet sob. “ just for m-me. all f’me.”

“ cho—mmph, choso!” your mouths hang ajar dumbly, nails planted firmly in his pecs; using him as the only thing holding you upright despite your weak knees. the way how your body trembled and shook, choso could tell you were close to passing out.

“ hm, that won’t do…” choso darkly mutters out before his hands resume their place on your hips. his grip boarding on painfully but your mushed brain can’t dwell on the pain. his feet planted securely on the bed, and his hips thrust up to meet your bounces.

the new depth of his dick molding your insides; kissing your cervix sweetly sent you on the brink of tears. “ ohh fuck! ‘s too much— i can’t, i can’t!” you babble out, salty tears rolling down your cheeks proving your pleading.

despite your desperate cries; you still bounce and down on his cock with his extra help. the wetness from pervious orgasms and his hips jerking up made the process easier yet still so unbearable. “ you can. like you said, it’s just for me.”

your eyes meet in deathly lock and from the way his pace increases you suspect that he’s close. “ squeezing me so tight… shit, ‘m so close, baby.” his hips growing sloppier by the minute. desperate to bring you to the high you deserve.

and with one more mouth watering thrust of his tip that he delivers against your g-spot; you come on him with a choked moan. your body goes slack against his but choso is not too far behind.

“ don’t tap out on me now— oh god.” you feel his dick twitching viscously in your warm walls. you feel a great warmth flood your insides and leak out onto your inner thighs and on his pelvis. your stuffed so silly of him.

☆ TOJI FUSHIGURO

“ toji— m-move! jus’ came!” you gradually panted out before swatting his hand away from your lower body. you feel his dick twitch eagerly inside you.

toji fingers tighten against your throat as a warning, before he manhandles you into a mating press.

you gasp at new feeling of him entering you even deeper. “ f—fuck you! damn… tyrant!” toji leisurely grins above you. and from the new angle; the lighting traces and enchants his sharp features even more. “ you already are,” he begins to snap his lower hips against your thighs.

“ ‘nd from the way this dirty cunt is clenching on me so tightly…” he dips his head down to where his scarred lip brushes against the shell of your ear. “ you fuckin’ love it, sweetheart.” his words sends hot pangs of pleasure to your heat, mostly accompanied by the sharp thrust of his hips.

toji can feel his own dick twitch inside of you. you’re so fucking tight— milking him tight and holding him snug deep inside. the lewd sound of him slamming inside of you resonates in the room, but the fucked out dumb look on your face is obscene.

“ tuh— toooji!” is the only thing your brain can comprehend. with your mouth hung open and eyes rolled so far in the back of your head. “ yer’ close already? tsk, barely broke the bed on this good pussy.” he says, deciding to completely ignore the evidence of your past fluids mixed together on the wrinkled sheets below.

toji’s broad body envelopes your smaller one completely. the sight of your feet on either side of his shoulder is the only sign of life underneath him.

your legs twitch, your wall spasms around toji, sucking him in and in and in. his sharp eye notices the bulge of your belly and with his calloused pressing down on it, is enough to come over the edge with a shrill cry.

“ haah, you seriously came without me fucking your clit?” he barks out a cruel laugh that echoes in your ears. and you desperately want him to shut up.

through your heated gaze you notice his abs contracting and twitching— a signal that he’s coming close. as if the bruising grip on your hips didn’t serve as an reminder either. “ fuck girl… ya’ really drivin’ me crazy…”

his sweaty bangs press against your equally sweaty forehead while he forces himself deeper in your inviting heat. and before you know it, cum trickles deeply inside of your body, the creaking and his groans in your ears are loud and the only things you can focus on before he slots his body on yours with a sigh.

“ take a small break now. ‘m not lying when i say i’m gonna break the bed on this pussy.”

#📝 ζ — 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀 . #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo smut #geto suguru x reader #geto x reader #geto smut #choso kamo x reader #choso x reader #choso smut #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x reader #toji smut #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk smut