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nolita-fairytale · 1 year

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comfort & chaos (carmy berzatto x fem!reader) chapter one: october 2019

summary: the five times carmen berzatto fell in love with you a little and the one time he finally told you: carmy, the recently promoted chef du cuisine at the best restaurant in the world, has no idea what he's in for when he accidentally spills his drink on the recently hired patissiere. (prequel to make my heart surrender)

warnings: swearing, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking, suggestive language. eventual smut.

word count: 4.5k

listen to: dover beach part 2 - baby queen | alaska - maggie rogers | less than i do - the band camino | 2 / 14 - the band camino

a/n: i'm back back back again! this is six part series will be a snapshot of carmy x reader's relationship in nyc that span across a three year period. i'm really looking forward to writing their friendship & so much repressed sexual tension it's not even funny. this is the first story i've published without it being almost or fully written so updates will maybe be more sporadic this time.

October 2019

“i was hoping somehow we'd end up together, outside, past midnight, and smoking cigarettes. the wallpaper inside my brain is decorated with your face. i'm lonely for you only, and i'm trying to convince you that i'm something you could love.” – dover beach (pt 2)

He hates you.

You’re absolutely sure of it.

You can see it in the way his body stiffens as you walk by – in the way he hasn’t stopped sending you long, piercing glares across the kitchen – in just how bright red his face turns when you catch him doing it.

And for what? For being excellent? For being good enough to get a job after staging that one night?

Fuck that, you think to yourself.

You find Carmen Berzatto infuriating, and it begins to dawn on you that you may have had one too many gin cocktails to stomach the fact that you have to be here tonight.

Here, at his promotion party.

Here, at this stupid fucking bar that you hate.

Here, because he’s sort of everyone’s boss now… and it’s something you’re just going to have to live with.

It hadn’t come as much of a surprise. There’d been talk of a leadership change (and Carmy filling the CDC position) when you had first started working here, but having a head’s up didn’t really help you now. You just hadn’t pictured having to go out for drinks to celebrate the man that seemed like he could barely stand being in the same room as you. But your friend Liz, one of the chef de parties at the restaurant, had insisted you come with, since she hadn’t wanted to go alone. You understood why you both had to go, so you’d invited your other best friend to help the both of you get through.

You thank your lucky stars that your direct report is the head pastry chef and not Carmy. Using your boss as a buffer, you had used every excuse in the book to avoid interacting with him.

Sure, he was brilliant.

Sure, he was a wunderkind who had just gotten back from a three month stage at noma right before he was hired here.

Sure, he was kind of a total asshole.

“Fuck that, man! C’mon. Just one shot. It’s your big night, motherfucker!” Nate calls out, practically shoving a shot into Carmy’s hand.

“Oh, I- uh, I’m good, man,” Carmy stutters, trying to find an excuse not to take the shot.

Truthfully, he hates shots… and he’s not much of a vodka drinker either.

He’s just not in the mood to get hammered either, his thoughts consumed with tomorrow, his first day as chef du cuisine, going perfectly.

You watch the uncomfortable interaction, almost feeling bad for the guy. Nate and the most recently promoted sous, Tim, are trying their best to corral Carmy into taking the shot as you walk by. You can see the uncomfortable look on Carmy’s face as he declines Nate’s offer for a second time.

In fact, he seems like a different person tonight. He’s… boyishly awkward, almost, and you wonder if he’s maybe not so great in social situations. As you pass by, drink in hand, you hear a cacophony of sound. Carmy’s trying his best to dodge his friends’ next attempt, and before you know it, Nate’s practically pushing him towards Tim, sending Carmy backwards, tumbling right into you.

You feel the wet liquid of your gin and tonic, along with the shot of vodka that’s flown out of Carmy’s hand spill all over your shirt. The shot glass shatters as it hits the floor, and the sobering feeling of ice cold liquid soaking through your shirt causes you to shriek.

“Shit! What the fuck, Carmy!” you yell, angrily, as you push him off of you.

At this point, you could care less that he’s everyone’s new boss, and the drama of it all has caught the attention of almost all of the other restaurant staff that have come out tonight. Your friends rush towards you, searching for as many napkins as they can grab.

“Fffffuck,” is all he says back and you can’t believe he’s yelling at you right now. You watch as his face changes quickly, from angry, to thoroughly shocked as he begins to stammer through an apology.

“I-. I’m sorry I-. I didn’t mean to-.”

He scrambles to help you, with one cocktail napkin as you push him away, your friends rushing to your side.

“No! I don’t want your help,” you grit through a clenched jaw.

“Shit, your shirt is ruined… C’mon,” Liz says, as she ushers you away shooting a glare in Carmy’s direction.

“Damn, man. You could just ask her out,” you can hear Nate say, even though you’re too preoccupied with examining the damage of your totally soaked through t-shirt.

So much for a chill evening.

“Oh shut up, Nate,” Maya snaps at the sous. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” You nod, following her as she leads you away towards the bathroom.

Back at the bar, Liz is trying her best to remedy the situation, trying her best to clean up the mess you left behind. She watches Carmy closely, trying to figure out whether she’s going to pay for this tomorrow. But instead of being angry, he just seems embarrassed… remorseful, even. There’s a small part of her that feels bad for the guy as it becomes clearer that he may just not be great in social situations.

As soon as you get to the single-room bathroom, you're swearing loudly and stripping off your shirt. It’s completely see through and you know you’re going to smell like a distillery until you can get home to shower.

“I told you. He hates me,” you pout, examining your reflection in the mirror, a scowl glued to your face. You dap a few dry paper towels across your chest.

“I think it was just an accident, sweetie,” Maya says, sympathetically, as she tries her best to console you.

“Yeah, I know,” you admit in defeat.

As much as you’d like to blame this on him, you know it wasn’t his fault.

“Sorry I asked you to come tonight. If I knew it would be this much drama-,” you begin, before being promptly cut off.

“Oh no, I’m all here for this drama,” she laughs, causing you to shake your head and lighten up a little about the situation.

As angry as you’d like to be with Carmy, you know that the truth of the matter is that he hadn’t meant to spill his drink all over you. You should be mad at Nate and Tim… but it just feels easier to be mad at Carmy considering.

“Incoming!” you hear a voice say as Liz arrives. In her hands, she holds what looks like a white t-shirt, neatly folded up, that she hands to you. “Anyone in need of dry clothes?”

“Oh thank god,” you sigh with relief, glady taking it.

“Good on you for having an extra,” Maya says.

“Well, it’s a restaurant. You never know when you’re gonna need a change of clothes,” Liz shrugs, a glimmer in her eyes that Maya notices, as she says it. You find it a little strange that she seems to be watching you for a reaction, but you brush off the look she sends you, as you slide the dry t-shirt over your head.

The t-shirt isn’t much bigger than an oversized fit you’d buy for yourself – which makes sense because Liz is a bit taller than you. The cotton fabric hangs loosely over your form as your eyes flicker over to your completely soaked through shirt that lays crumpled up on the bathroom sink.

“Well, ladies. We did our best,” you resign yourself, as you notice your still-very-wet bra begin soaking through the white t-shirt.

“C’mon. Let’s see if we can get some more paper towels. Or uh.. See if the kitchen has a towel we can use,” Liz says, nodding her head towards the door.

“We’ll be right back,” Maya reassures you, empathy in her eyes.

You watch as Liz follows her, leaving you alone in the bathroom.

It doesn’t take long for the door to the bathroom to swing open again, which surprises you. You gasp as soon as you see who's come through the door, and you’re crossing your arms over your chest which may only make the wet bra, white t-shirt ordeal even worse. A very flustered Carmy stands in the doorway, his mouth hanging open as if he hadn’t expected you to be in here.

“There’s uh… someone in here,” you scoff, unable to hide the irritation in the sound of your voice. You hug your arms closer to yourself, almost as if to cover yourself up.

“No I-, yeah, I know I just-,” he stammers, his eyes shifting to the floor. He feels like he’s walked in on something he shouldn’t have, and he can feel all the blood rushing to his face, instantly regretting his decision not to knock first.

“I actually, uh… I came to apologize,” he manages to get out, his words quiet. He says it as if there’s an unintentional question mark at the end of his sentence. You can see the way he runs his eyes back and forth, trailing over the fancy floor tile, searching for the right words.

“I didn’t mean to- I just-. Sorry…”

His demeanor surprises you. At work, Carmy’s this confident, commandeering, talented chef, but tonight, he seems anything but.

Nervous. Shy. Like a fish out of water, even.

You take a breath, trying your best to relax.

You can feel some of your guard coming down as you begin to accept he really hadn’t meant to spill his drink on you. But you’re not eager to forget the fact that he’s been kind of an asshole to you since you started working here. Unsure of how to respond, you give literal effort to replying with a:

“It’s fine. Thanks.”

He knows you don’t mean it.

In fact, he can hear how painful it is for you to get out those words.

You wait for him to leave, but Carmy continues to stand in the bathroom with you, awkwardly. But he doesn’t say anything, so you figure that the least you can do is deflect a little with humor.

“I’ll uh-, invoice you for the therapy session,” you say, trying to eliminate any malice in your tone so that he knows you’re joking. “Walking home in a wet shirt on the streets of NYC is gonna be… fun.”

“Oh uh…” he trails off, his face turning a darker shade of red.

“I’m kidding,” you state, searching his face for any kind of expression.

This man is impossible to read, you think to yourself.

His eyes are still glued to the floor as he begins to move, mumbling something you can’t quite hear in response to your failed joke. Carmy slides out of the denim jacket he’s wearing, before taking hold of it, extending an arm out to you.

“Sorry um-. Here,” he says nervously, and it’s the first time he’s allowed his eyes to meet yours. “You can uh-. You can wear this. For your walk home.”

Well, that wasn’t what you were expecting.

And had his eyes always been that blue?

Your face softens.

You take the jacket hesitantly, holding it in your hands. This time you mean it when you say:

“Thanks.”

“Least I could do,” he shrugs, daring to meet your eyes with his again.

You slip the jacket over your shoulders as the two of you stand a few feet apart. The air feels thick, and at this point, you’re not sure how to feel. Even though your bra has continued to soak through the white t-shirt, the way his denim jacket feels wrapped around your shoulders feels like an added layer of protection.

“After uh-. You know I-,” he stumbles through.

“Yeah. No I uh-. Thanks, again,” you repeat, cutting him off.

Might as well put the poor guy out of his misery.

“Anyways, I’ll make sure to get this back to you,” you interject, your voice much more reassuring this time.

“Yeah,” he nods.

You swear you can almost see the corner of his lips turn up, but you’ve never really seen him smile, so it’s not like you have much to compare it to. Carmy excuses himself, and you watch as he leaves, genuinely grateful for the peace offering.

The way that Carmy’s jacket hangs heavily around your shoulders makes you wonder if it’s real denim. You notice that it smells like him too: a faint scent of cigarettes, Old Spice deodorant, whatever scented laundry detergent he uses that feels familiar.

You and Carmy don’t speak again, save for a few short exchanges at work, but he’s been on your mind. Your interaction the other night had left an impression on you – albeit a strange one – and you’re not sure why you haven’t returned his jacket yet.

It’s not till a few days later that you speak again, leaving another strange impression on you. You head into the walk-in to get a few quarts of heavy cream and as you pull the door open, you find a flustered Carmy standing there. He’s got his hands on his hips and eyes glued to the floor with an exasperated look on his face as he watches the plastic storage containers he’s just thrown clamor across the floor. You gasp, shocked by the loud sounds, and Carmy knows he’s not alone.

As he turns to you with a glare on his face, you notice that Carmy’s eyes are puffy, his cheeks flushed red, and he looks sick as a dog.

His eyes are wide with embarrassment for a moment, before returning to their normal, stoic focus, hardened by a less than positive interaction with the exec chef.

“Sorry,” he mutters, uncomfortably. He gestures towards the storage containers on the floor, before running a hand through his neatly slicked back hair.

“It’s uh, you’re good, chef,” you say, trying your best to put your wall of professionalism up.

You had witnessed the demeaning encounter from the exec chef – everyone had. It had been impossible not to. He’d practically breathed down Carmy’s neck, taunting him for his lack of focus today, that he’s a little bitch for letting allergies get to him.

To say that the man was emotionally abusive would be an understatement.

You should leave – turn and go, and pretend that this never happened – that you’d seen nothing. But instead, you stay.

“You good, chef?” you ask softly, a hint of concern in your voice.

He sniffles again, the searing headache that robs him of his focus only burning brighter after what just happened.

“Yeah, no. I’m fine,” he snaps, refusing to look at you.

You wait for him to say something more, only he doesn’t. You can see he’s not feeling well and that he must be feeling worse after his metaphorical public stoning in the town square. He’s not sure what the hell it is you’re waiting for, and he just needs another fucking second to himself.

“Why are you still here?” he grits through teeth, his eyes fixed to the floor.

You open your mouth to say something, but you’re honestly not sure why you’re still in the walk-in with him either.

Maybe because you know that the exec chef is a total monster.

That he shouldn’t have talked to Carmy like that.

That you can understand why he’d be upset.

“Chef!” he says, raising his voice a little louder and flinging his hands towards the door. “Will you just-?”

You nod, a feeling of embarrassment filling your chest, as you realize he wants you to leave. You hurry out of the walk-in, closing the door behind you as you escape, your heavy cream quart containers in hand.

“You good?” Liz asks, as soon as she sees you come out of the walk-in. She’s passing by to bring a few deli containers over to the dish station.

“What?” you ask back in surprise, unaware that you look visibly shaken up.

“You look… flustered is all,” she points out.

“Oh. Yeah. I just uh-, Carmy’s in there. Throwing a fit. He just uh… snapped at me is all. But what’s new?” you reply, trying your best to shake it off.

She rolls her eyes in response, “Yeah, he can be like that. Thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to work under him.”

You let out an annoyed exhale. It’s a funny feeling – one that leaves you a little confused: one minute he’s this chivalrous guy that’s handing you his jacket to wear home and the next he’s practically tearing your head off to get out of the walk-in. You can’t quite figure him out. He’s so hot and cold, you’re not sure what to expect from him anymore.

As you and Liz are about to part ways, you remember that you have to give her back her borrowed shirt.

“Oh!” you say, calling her attention before she returns to her station.

“I have your shirt, by the way,” you say. “From the other night.”

“Oh,” she says, her eyes lighting up. “Okay weird timing considering he’s being such an asshole today but uh…. Yeah. The shirt’s... not mine. I forgot to tell you.”

You send her a puzzled look as she shrugs.

“I didn’t think you’d take it if I told you but… it’s Carmy’s. He pulled it out of his bag when he spilled the drink on you,” she informs, waiting to gauge your reaction.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“You were so mad at him that I just figured-, it doesn't matter. He pulled it out of his bag to give to you. I think he felt really fucking bad, babe,” she interjects, revealing the truth.

Well now you’re really fucking confused.

And after your little interaction with him in the walk-in, there’s no way you’re going to bring it up to him today.

“Oh. Yeah um, got it,” you reply, feeling even more confused than when you started the day.

You show up to work the next day with the t-shirt and his jacket tucked into a canvas tote bag you plan on giving to Carmy. You’d decided to wait till you had them both, and you’re also hoping that he’s in a better mood today.

Only, Carmy’s not here today.

“Yeah, he’s out sick. Looks like those allergies turned out to be a nasty head cold,” your general manager had informed you when you’d asked about where Carmy was. “Looks like Tim’s filling in today for him.”

“Got it. Thanks, Kate” you’d replied.

Later on your mid-shift break, you’d then mustered up all the courage possible to ask if anyone had checked in on Carmy. Kate, your GM, had answered no, and had been more than happy to give you his address so that you could do so. You’re not sure why you feel like it’s the right thing to do, but between his act of kindness at the bar, and his outburst in the walk-in yesterday, you figure it wouldn’t hurt to show him a little kindness. Not that you feel like you owe him or anything.

Maybe you just want to give him his clothes back and be done with it.

Maybe you’re also deeply confused about who the hell Carmen Berzatto really is.

Maybe the mystery of it intrigues you a little more than you’d like to admit.

Dinner service flies by quickly – a string of non-stop orders helps the time go faster. Carmy’s apartment is on your way home, so it’s a no-brainer to make the trip. You stop on your way at a deli nearby, picking up a quart of matzo ball soup, before heading over to his apartment.

When you get there, you knock on the door three times, anxiety beginning to flood you.

What if he thinks this is totally creepy – that you just got his address from the general manager? What if he thinks you’re stalking him? What if he hates the fact that you’re even there in the first place?

You wonder if you should just leave the soup at the door and run as fast as you can so that, by the time he answers the door, you’re gone.

Just as you’re bending down to place the quart container down by his door, the door swings open to reveal a very congested Carmy. His curls seem wilder than normal as he looks genuinely surprised to see you crouching in the hall of his apartment.

“Hi!” you practically shout, taken off guard as you rise to your feet.

“Yo,” he says, blinking a few times to make sure he’s not dreaming. “What’s uh-, what’s going on?”

It’s weird – seeing Carmy outside of the restaurant, outside of his chef whites. His usually slicked back, out-of-his-face hair falls in the messiest most unruly curls around his face in a way that's surprisingly unkempt. He’s… almost human-like.

“This is for you,” is all you manage to say, handing him the quart container.

“Uh… thanks,” he trails off, taking it and checking out the matzo ball soup.

You’re not sure where to begin, how to explain why the hell you’re here, so you just start talking.

“I uh… your place was on the way home,” you begin. “I hope it’s okay but I got your address from Kate. I actually used to go to this deli all the time when I was a kid with my parents and I forgot that it was in your neighborhood so I just figured that I should pick something up on the way over since I heard you were sick and uh-.”

Carmy shoots you a look and he almost looks amused.

“... I’m rambling, aren’t I?” you ask, a light blush running across your cheeks.

“Yeah,” he nods, a dry laugh following.

You wait a beat, collecting yourself. You’re not sure why this is so weird, but it’s so weird.

“I came by because…” you start, digging through your canvas tote bag that’s draped across your right shoulder. “... I wanted to return these to you.”

You hold out the jacket and t-shirt folded up together to Carmy, his eyes following them.

“Liz told me that the shirt was yours too. I just-, I know we don’t always… that you don’t-, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I know it’s kind of weird at work sometimes but… I guess I just wanted to say thank you. For these. Hence the soup,” you finally explain.

“No problem,” Carmy nods, taking them in his empty hand, before disappearing momentarily to place them somewhere inside of his apartment.

You’re only a little disappointed by his short response, yet you’re not sure you expected anything else. He returns only seconds later.

“It’s uh-, Cool jacket,” you say. You can’t tell whether you’re making small talk or just saying something out of discomfort, but it seems to pique Carmy’s interest.

“It actually reminds me of the denim jacket that John Lennon used to wear ”

“You know denim?” he asks, and you could swear that you see his eyes light up for a moment.

“No, but I know music,” you reply.

“Uh I mean. Yeah. It is…” he says, with a nod, a hint of excitement in the words that follow. “Not the actual one he wore but… it’s a 1950s selvedge Wrangler. Just like Lennon.”

So he wasn’t just a fine-dining robot.

“Wow I didn’t know you were into all that,” you say, feeling some of the tension between the two of you melt. “Denim, I mean.”

“Something I picked up from my brother, I guess,” he shrugs, shyly.

“That’s funny,” you chuckle.

“Hm?” he hums in response.

“Just… the thought of you having a brother,” you clarify, jokingly. “Thought you were like… grown in a lab at noma or something.”

And Carmy almost smiles, you think.

“Nope. Just Chicago,” he replies, enjoying the act of sharing something with you.

“Ahhh,” you sound, following it up with another small laugh. “Well, I’ll let you get some rest. Enjoy the soup.”

“Yeah, uh. Thanks for this,” he says, holding up the brown bag.

“Of course,” you reply, turning to go.

But you don’t go yet, not ready to let go of the momentary connection you’ve built with Carmy

"You know it doesn’t have to be like this,” you say, turning back to him. He's staring at you, just like he does in the kitchen. It’s another long, languid look that makes you realize that maybe they haven’t been hate-glares after all.

“We don't have to do this... start over every time we see each other.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree with a nod. “I mean, I've already worn your clothes so… it’s a rather… intimate thing for us to just be strangers….”

He listens attentively.

"We could… coworkers… friends, even,” you suggest, hesitantly.

“Me and you?” he asks, a puzzled look on his face. You’re not sure if he’s surprised by what you’ve said, or if he’s about to laugh in your face.

“If you want,” you nod in response.

He waits a beat, and you watch his facial expressions soften a little as he finally says, “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

You smile at him, the man you thought hated you, wants to be friends with you. You get a wicked idea, letting out a chuckle before continuing.

“Great. There’s just one thing,” you begin playfully.

You can’t help yourself.

“Hm?” he hums.

“It’s just… I haven’t made my mind up about you. So you should consider this your trial period, buddy,” you tease.

He lets out a dry laugh, “Like a stage?”

Of course it’s all kitchen-related for him.

You laugh in response, “Yeah, like a stage.”

“Heard, chef.”

“Goodnight, Carmy.”

Carmy’s never had someone joke with him so sweetly. Between his family and, well, Richie… it’s always been callous humor and insults thrown back and forth lovingly. This feels… different: lighter.

As he watches you walk away, he looks down at the deli quart container that he holds in his hand. He’s never had anyone take care of him before – not like this – someone who wasn’t Sugar or Mikey, and certainly not his Mom. Not like this. Not without asking for anything in return. He can’t seem to identify the warm feeling that rushes through him, and wonders, for a moment, if this is what it feels like to fall in love.

Not that he’s ever experienced that either.

By Saturday, he’s back to work and feeling much better (the soup definitely helps, he decides) but it’s not for another week that he musters up the courage to ask you what you’re doing between lunch and dinner service.

“Chef!” he calls out to you as you’re cleaning up your station.

“Yeah, what’s up?” you reply.

It’s not like you’ve been all buddy-buddy and friendly over the last week, but you’ve at least stopped thinking that he hates you. Sure you’ve decided to be friends, but it’s not like you’d expected wildly different behavior.

“You uh… wanna grab a cup of coffee? On the break, I mean,” he asks, his blue eyes seeming… more brilliant than you’ve ever noticed.

“I owe you one. You know. For the soup.”

You smile, “Yeah. I’d uh-, I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

read: chapter two

taglist: @allthefandomstogether @gaysludge @sobshoney @harrysmatcha @starbritestarlite @tpwkkmila @cool-girl-is-hot @nunya7394 @galaxyprincess51-blog @carmensberzattos

#carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #the bear hulu #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto headcanon #the bear headcanon #carmy berzatto imagines #carmy berzatto fluff #carmy #comfort and chaos

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superhaught · 2 months

Text

I Mean It Different Than You Do

Pairing: Leighton x Reader

Warnings: surgery recovery, pure fluff

Word Count: 2500

Anonymous Asked: Hi! Could i please request a Leighton x fem reader that’s kind of based on the episode of slocg where Kimberly has her surgery and the Kansas guy takes care of her and she thinks hey only thinks of her like tiny Tim lol but instead it’s with Leighton x reader and leighton takes care of a sick reader and finds out that they have feelings for each other and it’s full of fluff! Sorry if this is confusing lol

Took inspiration from Reneé's song "I Do" as well.

Leighton and reader are best friends. Leighton helps reader through their wisdom tooth surgery.

You had found a friend in a very unlikely person.

The first time you noticed her, she was trying to get drunk off of tiny disposable cups of wine while volunteering at the Women’s Center open mic night.

The second time you noticed her, she was sitting down in the seat in front of you in your spring semester astronomy class.

After working on a class project together, you discovered that she was actually a very sweet person underneath her designer clothes, perfectly straightened blonde hair, and chilly attitude. You became fast friends over that second semester at Essex and ended up spending a lot of time together outside of class.

You watched as Leighton Murray grew more and more comfortable with her sexuality over time. As her friend, you supported her exploration of being out and were there for her throughout the ups and downs of her relationships with Alicia and Tatum.

You invited her over to your off-campus apartment when she needed some time to decompress from Essex life. You watched movies together almost every weekend. You forced her to experience some natural New England beauty with brief hiking trips and lake days.

She brought you to parties, took you along shopping and out for lunch and dinner, and earnestly tried to get you more involved in the dating scene. Leighton even set up a dating app profile for you once and you just giggled and said, “I don’t want to meet someone through an app!”

She rolled her eyes at you, “I give up! Don’t you want to start seeing people?”

“I dunno,” you shrugged, “I feel like I have everything I want right now.”

“How are we so different?” the blonde mused, turning her attention to her own phone, which was constantly blowing up with messages. “Well, whatever. I’m not going to force you to date just for the sake of it, but I feel like you’re missing out.”

You didn’t say anything in response. You were reading in your bed and Leighton was laying next to you comfortably. You were holding a highlighter in between your teeth and occasionally shifting so that you could annotate in your book. You had noticed that Leighton had been glancing over at you a few times but you didn’t say anything about it.

She flipped her phone to face you at some point, showing you an instagram post announcing an upcoming Theta party, “wanna go?”

You looked at the date of the party and frowned, shaking your head, “can’t. I’m sorry, Leight. I’m getting my wisdom teeth out that day.”

“Aw shit, really? That sucks…”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m going to need the weekend to recover. Actually, I was going to ask you if I could get your help with a ride to and from the dentist but you should go to the party so don’t worry about it.”

“No, I'd love to help! You think I’d rather be hanging out in the rancid Theta house than eating popsicles and binging Housewives with my best friend?”

You laughed, “Well I don’t know, would you rather hang out with me after getting wisdom tooth surgery than go to a party and potentially meet a hottie to spend the night with?”

Leighton smirked at you and shifted a little bit closer to you in the bed, leaning her head on your shoulder, “nah… lately, you’re the only hottie I’ve been wanting to spend my time with.”

“Yeah, right,” you snorted.

“I’m being serious, dumbass.”

You both looked at each other for a moment. You were thrown off by her words, surely she didn’t mean…

“What are you reading, anyway?” Leighton asked, quickly changing the subject.

“Oh, nothing too exciting…” you go on to tell her about the assigned reading you were doing for your poetry class and she listened to you, letting the awkwardness of the earlier conversation fade away.

Leighton hung out at your apartment, enjoying the ability to do her homework in the easy quiet with you rather than amidst all the chaos of the dorms and her suite. You ordered take out and watched a show on your laptop and then she reluctantly got ready to leave to go home for the night. She was packing up her tote bag and then you just blurted it out, “stay.”

She looked up at you, “huh?”

“You could just stay. You don’t have to go back to campus, if you don’t want to, I mean. Like, I’m not kicking you out.”

“Are you saying that I don’t have to go, or are you asking me to stay?”

“Are those two different things?”

She nodded, “yes.”

You took a deep breath, “then… I’m asking you to stay, I guess. I don’t want you to go. Sleep over.”

Leighton smiled and let go of her bag before joining you on the bed again, “okay, let’s watch another episode then.”

You ended up watching another two episodes of tv, eating microwave popcorn in bed and laughing over stupid things.

Life was easier with Leighton.

Your neck was hurting you. You blinked a few times then realized that you and Leighton had fallen asleep cuddled up with each other and left the laptop playing the show. You were now staring at the screen that read “Are you still watching?”

You shifted your body slightly, trying not to wake Leighton up. She moved and you thought you had woken her but she just sniffled slightly and hugged you a little tighter. You carefully got rid of your laptop and adjusted yourself in the bed so that you could lie down fully and Leighton came with you, sleeping on her side with her head tucked into the crook of your neck.

You smiled and pulled the blankets over you both, then turned off your bedside lamp and fell back to sleep with Leighton in your arms.

Leighton had woken up that following morning with a cute smile and said, “that was the best sleep.” The blonde pressed a quick peck of a kiss to your cheek before she got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. She didn’t bother closing the bathroom door all the way. You glanced over at her while she looked in the mirror and fixed her hair.

You didn’t talk about any of it and you didn’t know what to think. Leighton was your best friend. She didn’t have feelings for you. She would’ve said something by now. This was just what it was like to have a close friend, you assumed.

The rest of your week was fairly standard. Classes and homework sucked up your time, but you and Leighton had developed a routine that you always stuck to. You met at Sips for coffee on Monday afternoons. You ate dining hall lunch together on Tuesdays and Fridays. You walked to astro and sat together every Wednesday, and hung out at your apartment Wednesday nights before going to the observatory for your nighttime astronomy assignments.

And in all that time, you never once discussed the cuddling, or the little kiss, so you convinced yourself that you were overthinking it and tried to let it go.

When Friday came around, Leighton had shown up outside of your apartment building that morning with one of the fancier Ubers generously paid for by her father ready to take you to and from your surgery.

You came outside wearing comfy clothes and she smiled and opened the car door for you.

She then got into the car on the other side and sat next to you, “I already went shopping and got everything I thought you might need this weekend to recover and I have a ton of low-energy-investment plans to make sure you don’t get bored. I’m going to stay with you for as long as you want me to, unless I drive you crazy, of course, but-”

“Leight, you didn’t have to do all of that…”

“It’s nothing! I want to take care of you.”

“You do? Why?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “cause I want to, why else?”

“I… I don’t deserve you, Leighton.”

“Oh, shut up. That’s not true,” she paused for a moment then said, “you’re my best friend and I love you.”

“I love you too…”

Leighton waited with you until you were taken back to be prepped and put to sleep for your wisdom teeth extraction. The last thing she said to you was, “I’ll have my camera ready for when you come out of the anesthesia!”

You stuck your tongue out at her angrily as you were whisked away and went unconscious while imagining seeing her face when you woke up again.

You woke up in a different room, lying down flat on a recovery bed. You felt weird but not particularly bad.

Your vision came into focus slowly and the blonde was sitting in a chair beside the bed scrolling through her phone. You made a noise and she turned and looked at you, “hey there,” she said softly, sliding herself and the chair a little closer to you, “how are you feeling?”

Your mouth was all swollen and your head was all wrapped up with ice packs on either cheek. You mumbled, “fine.”

She smiled, “the dentist said everything went well so you should expect a pretty easy recovery.”

You nodded slowly then looked at her quizzically and mumbled, “do I look pretty?”

Leighton laughed, “do you look pretty? Well, I’ll admit that you’ve had better days but you’re still your gorgeous self, why?”

“I dunno… I thought maybe I wouldn’t be pretty anymore… all swollen…”

“You have nothing to worry about, trust me.”

“You’re so nice, Leighton… some people think you’re mean but you’re not mean you’re so nice… and you’re gay and I love that about you…”

Leighton shook her head and laughed and just held your hand gently while you rested and came back to your senses over the next half hour or so.

Leighton helped you to the car and let you lean against her on the drive back, then she helped you get comfy in your bed and made a little station nearby with drinks and foods that were safe for you to have, and pain meds if you needed them.

She got into bed next to you and fired up Netflix before saying, “you can cuddle against me, whatever is comfy for you.”

You nodded and said, “thank you, baby…”

She raised an eyebrow at your word choice but didn’t say anything. You watched Netflix for a little while but you eventually dozed off against Leighton’s shoulder. You vaguely felt her playing with your hair and scratching your scalp lightly while you rested. You let out a pleased hum and cuddled against her even more closely.

She gently woke you up later and quietly said, “I can hear your stomach growling, wanna eat something?”

You took a second to process what she was saying but then you nodded and she grabbed a cup of applesauce for you.

You took it happily and started to eat carefully, wincing slightly at the experience but feeling happy to have some food.

“You’re the best friend ever,” you began, “taking care of me like this… seeing me in such a pathetic state.”

“I wouldn’t call you pathetic, not at all. You’re cute.”

You groaned slightly.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurting?”

You shook your head, “no, no… it’s nothing, nevermind.”

She lightly poked you in the side and made you giggle, “come on, now. You can tell me anything. Is something wrong?”

You were quiet for a minute, thinking. Overthinking. Playing your entire friendship with Leighton back in your head.

“I see those gears turning, what are you thinking about?”

“I shouldn’t have asked you to take care of me,” you finally stated.

Leighton looked concerned, “What? Why not? Am I bugging you?”

“No!” You exclaimed, “no… you’re perfect… that’s the problem.”

“I don’t understand…”

“You’re so perfect. So perfect. And incredible. And beautiful. And I think I’m an idiot.”

“An idiot? You’re not an idiot… I’m lost, babe, what is this about?”

“I’m so stupid,” you sighed, “you’re never not going to see me as more than a friend are you?”

Leighton stared at you.

“I don’t want to be cute,” you tried to explain, “I don’t want to be just cute to you… I want more… but I’ve gone and fucked it up…”

Leighton started to understand and nodded slowly, “okay, first of all, I just want to state for the record that you have some pretty serious painkillers in your system right now, but with that being said, you haven’t fucked anything up… why would you think that?”

You started to tear up, you couldn’t help it, “you’re never going to like me now… not after seeing me like this. I took too long trying to figure out my feelings…”

Leighton’s brows furrowed, “I like you plenty, this doesn’t change that… wait, what feelings?”

“My feelings… for you… you’re my best friend, Leight… and I thought that was just how it was always going to be… but I think it’s more than that for me and I just didn’t realize and it’s too late…”

Leighton took a deep breath in through her nose and spoke softly, “it’s not too late…”

You looked up at her face and saw tears welling up in her eyes.

“It’s not too late,” she repeated, “not for you and me… I’ll wait for you forever. I’ve been waiting for you to be ready…”

“Leighton… what?”

“I love you, you incredible, oblivious sweetheart.”

You were genuinely shocked, and your reaction was only amplified by how loopy you were feeling, “what?! You love me?! Like, love, love me?”

Leighton laughed, “yes. I thought I was being obvious!”

“You love me?!” You exclaimed again.

Leighton wrapped her arms around you in a hug, “I love you. Are you trying to say that you have feelings for me, too?”

“Yes! That’s what I’m trying to say… I love you, too, Leighton. I really love you. More than a friend. I want to kiss you and I want to be your girlfriend. I don’t want you to go on dates with anyone else. I want to cuddle with you every night. I want you.”

Leighton’s smile was the biggest you’d ever seen it, “that’s what I want, too.”

You looked at her and then your face fell into a frown.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t kiss you!”

Leighton laughed lightly, “that’s okay. We’ll kiss when you’re all better, but for now…” she leaned in and gave you a kiss on your forehead, “there.”

You smiled and nuzzled against her, cuddling closely once again, and whispered, “I love you, Leighton.”

“I love you, too.”

#leighton murray #leighton x reader #tslocg #sex lives of college girls #renee rapp #leighton murray fanfiction #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my writing #original writing #anonymous request #writing requests

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cyberghouleo · 8 months

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“She won't ever get enough once she gets a little touch”

Tim Wright x Bimbo! Reader

Tim starts becoming infatuated with someone he was supposed to be stalking. After weeks of being around you, he decides he can't take it anymore.

cw : bimbo! fem reader, fingering, cunnilingus, dom Tim, dumbification

wc : 2.8k

ao3 link:

a / n : requests are open !!

Tim couldn’t take it, he couldn’t hold back anymore. What started off as a mission to get information out of you was starting to turn into an infatuation with you. And it wasn’t his fault, it was yours. You were the one who just had to wear the tiniest skirts he had ever seen out in public or wearing the tight crop tops that you often forgot to wear a bra with. Or the heels you could hardly walk in, causing you to stumble out in public and show your ass off to him.

He never planned on getting caught stalking you, he just wanted to be a silent watcher from your window as you played with yourself late at night or when you changed right in front of the window with the curtains wide open. But one night, he followed you too closely from work and he was sure his cover was blown. He figured as soon as you saw him, you would scream and tell him to fuck off. But it never came. Instead, you talked to him like he was a normal person and not someone who has been jerking off to the sight of you outside your window for the past few weeks. You were so dumb and naive when it came to your surroundings, you made everything so easy for him. All it took to get your number was lying about being a neighbor, and you were instantly giving him it. When you bent over to type your number in his phone, your tits almost spilled out your shirt. That’s when Tim knew he had to befriend you so he could get closer to making you his.

Playing your fake friend wasn’t a hard task, you mostly just called him or asked him to come over to your house, a house he already knew the entire floor plan from stalking you at night. You always wore the skimpiest clothes around him, short dresses that you never seemed to close your legs in, giving him a clear view of the tiny thong you were wearing. You often got your white shirts wet, showing off the lace bra underneath clearly. After you “befriended” him, it only gave him more chances to see you in sexual ways without you realizing it. You often would bend over in front of him, showing off your pink panties with no shame or realization.

However, as Tim played along as your neighbor/friend, he also saw just how naive and oblivious you were. You would tell him stories about your day and tell him the inappropriate things said to you, asking him to explain what it meant since you didn’t understand it. The idea of another man taking advantage of your intelligence and naivety to get a quick flash made him angry enough to want to track down the person and kill them for that alone. He hardly killed outside of required missions but anybody who disrespected you or got to get the same peeks that he got were the only exceptions.

The moment that made Tim finally lose it was when he was watching you walk home from the store. This was a normal occurrence that happened as he promised to himself that he would make sure you got home safely every day. You were walking through a crowded area when someone smacked your ass, running away laughing as you stood there confused and looking around for the assaulter. You gave up after a few seconds and continued walking home. He had already tracked the person down and gave them the deserved slow death, but he also needed to come over to put an end to this chase. He needed to make you his so you could have someone protect you in the public so nothing like this would happen again.

It was late in the afternoon when three loud knocks came from your door. You were wearing your usual short skirt and crop top as you opened the door, revealing a pissed off Tim wearing his usual flannel and jeans. Before you could open your mouth to greet him, he burst through your door as soon as you answered, pushing past you and storming into your living room.

“What’s wrong Tim?” You asked, head tilted and lips open slightly. Tim almost didn’t hear your question as he was focused on your lips, thinking how hot they would look wrapped around his cock as your mascara ran down your face.

He hissed, “You.” You bite the inside of your cheek, your head tilting to the side even more. “You’re the fucking problem, you’re such a tease to me.”

You stared at him blanking, not quite understanding what he meant. “Are you upset with me?” You asked, your arms coming together which caused your tits to be pushed together. You were going to be the death of him if you kept acting this way. He brought his fist up to his mouth, giving you a quick nod. Your lips formed into a cute pout. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

The question was almost too easy, it felt like a set up. He stared at you for a second to see if you were being serious or not before he responded. “I think the only way to make this up to me is to let me do something.”

You quickly nodded your head up and down, eyes wide open and full of hope. “Okay! I just don’t want to lose you as a friend, Tim.” God you were so fucking cute and so eager to please, it was a sight that could make him cum on the spot.

“Good girl, if you do what I say I’ll forgive you.” You really didn’t want to lose him as a friend, so you believed him. He had never given you a reason to doubt him before. You nodded in response as he approached you, his hand coming up to cup and caress your cheek. You leaned into the touch, eyes closed as you let out a sigh of content. It was endearing to see how much you trusted him, even after all the disgusting fantasies he thought of while he spied on you in your own house.

He started to lean towards you, his eyes locked on your lips that shone with lip gloss. As soon as your lips met he started kissing you desperately, your soft moans filling his mouth as his hand found its way to the back of your head, tangling itself into your hair. He tilted your head back to get a deeper kiss, you moaned as he tugged on your hair. You pushed your body into his, your chest pressed against his as your lips moved in sync with each other. His other hand rested on the small of your back, pressing you closer into him. This was the closest he had gotten to you before, and your smell was intoxicating to him. He pulled away from your mouth, a string of spit connecting your lips together for a split second. Your face was starting to heat up and your lip gloss was already smeared off your lips.

His hand traveled from your lower back to the front of your stomach, fingers slowly creeping under your crop top as he kissed along your neck. You moaned out softly as his hand groped your tit, he was never more thankful that you weren’t wearing a bra today. His fingers traced around your nipple before placing his thumb and pointer finger around it, slightly pinching as he felt it harden underneath his touch. You let out soft moans as you continued to push your body against his, desperate to get as close as possible to his touch. Your body was responding to his touches before your mind could, instinctively addicted to his touch as you felt heat start to pool within your stomach. While continuing to pinch your nipple, his mouth stopped near the bottom of your neck as he switched from kissing to softly sucking with enough pressure to leave a mark. He wanted everyone to see the mark and know you belonged to someone, specifically him. You let out soft whimpers as he nipped at the skin, moaning out his name quietly under your breath as you rubbed your legs together, desperate to get any type of friction between your legs.

Tim waited forever to hear you moan out his name, and he was starting to grow impatient as his jeans started to tighten up. He pulled away from your neck, his mouth detaching with a ‘pop’ sound before he turned you around, your back facing him. He guided you to bend over onto the kitchen counter, a hand placed firmly between your shoulder blades to keep you planted against the cold countertop. His other hand quickly found the end of your skirt, flipping it up onto your lower back. Your pink thong and ass were fully exposed to him, the same ass Tim had replayed over and over in his head as he jerked off late at night. He had only ever seen accidental upskirts so far, but now it was fully open to him and only him. His dick strained against his pants as he traced the outline of your slit, your body arching into his touch as you mewled out. His fingers ghosted over your lips, just enough pressure for you to moan out and try to push further back to feel his fingers more. You were such a fucking slut and he has yet to even do anything, he loved it. He slid your panties to the side, exposing your cute pussy to him. He waited for years it felt like to get this close to you, you were so vulnerable to him right now and you were all his.

His middle and pointer finger spread your lips open, you were already soaking wet and it only fueled his ego more. This was the wettest he has ever seen you, even when you were using your vibrator alone at night. After coating his middle finger with your wetness, he circled your clit in slow circles, your hips stuttering and grinding against him.

“Puh-Please Tim,” You moaned out.

“Please what?” He kept his slow pace as he pressed himself into you, his dick against your ass and his chest laying against your back. He could smell your shampoo and perfume, and he had to restrain himself from bucking his hips into your ass.

“Please touch me more.”

Hearing you beg underneath him made him instantly stand up straight, ready to show you how eager he has been for this moment and just how good he will make you feel. He removed his hand from your back, telling you to keep still as he kneeled below you. Sitting on his knees underneath you as he stared up at your pussy, he placed his hands on your hips before flattening his tongue, starting with small kitten licks around your clit. The feeling of his tongue against you caused you to gasp out, moaning as he started licking in long deep strokes that started from your entrance and up to your clit. After a few licks, he stopped at your clit and started sucking, an action that causes your knees to buckle as you moan out loudly. Your hands try to grasp anything on the table to stabilize yourself as you feel your body start grinding against his tongue, begging to feel more of him. Tim couldn’t get enough of you, the taste of you made his dick pulse as he palmed himself through his pants. You were unapologetically moaning out loudly as you felt your core start to tighten up, heat from between your legs had started to spread throughout your whole body.

As soon as you started to grind weakly against his tongue, Tim pulled away with a sloppy wet sound as you groaned out from the lost contact. You were so close to cumming and needed him to push you over the edge of an orgasm. Tim stood up from underneath you, now standing behind you as you stayed bent over the countertop, your back falling up and down rapidly with your increased breathing.

“Timmm…” You whine out, your voice slightly muffled. Tim’s nails pressed crescent shaped indents into his palm as he clenched his fist, trying to distract himself from how hot his name sounded rolling off your tongue.

“Hmm?” He responded as his hand traced your ass slightly, the contact making you push your body against his hands even more.

“I want…I want you to make me cum.”

Hearing you moan this out made his hands instantly leave your body, reaching down to unzip his pants to pull his dick out. Precum was already leaking from his tip and down his length as he gave a few lazy strokes. His hand found your hip, resting there as he started to line himself up with your hole. You grinded up and down as soon as you felt his dick in between your thighs, mewling out as you desperately needed him inside of you now.

“God, you're such a pathetic slut for letting me do all this naughty stuff to your body. You're such a whore for letting me touch you this way, you know that?”

You moaned out a yes as you felt him start to stretch you out, his cock slowly entering you with ease. It took all of his restraint to not thrust deep into you, as badly as he wanted this, he also knew he was going to have to start off gently.

“You're so eager to make me happy, aren't you baby?” He didn’t mean to call you by the pet name but it came out so naturally he didn’t mind.

“Mhmmm… I just… want you happy, Tim.” Hearing you moan out his name made him let out a long groan.

Slowly, he pulled out and pushed back in until he bottomed out, both of you letting out moans at the sensation. The way you squeezed and tightened around him made him second guess how long he was going to be able to last inside you. You started wiggling your hips against him, thrusting back and forth against him as you started to grow impatient. The sight of you underneath him had Tim feeling as if he was dreaming, how badly you wanted him to start fucking you and how tight you were clenched around him.

His hands travel down to grip your waist before he started thrusting in and out at a slow speed. You let out a small gasp as you feel him start fucking you, trying to push your body against him to match his thrusts to pick up the speed. Tim takes the hint, quickening his thrusts as you moan out below him. The girth and size of him was hitting spots that you weren’t used to, a hot knot already starting to form as your nails scraped along the countertop as you struggled to find anything to hold onto while he pumped in and out of you.

The orgasm sweeps through your body as you clamp down around him, moans pouring out as drool spills from your lips and onto the counter below you. Tim continues to fuck you through your orgasm as you come down, your clit sending pulses through your body as you feel yourself start to twitch around him. Feeling how tight you were around his dick causes his grip on your hips to tighten, his fingers pressing deep into your skin as he tries to focus on anything but cumming now.

After trying to wait as long as possible, Tim gives a few weak thrusts in and out before he pulls out, instantly missing the grip your pussy had around him as his hand wraps around his dick and he starts pumping up and down. Cum spurts from his dick in long thick hot ropes as you feel it hit your lower back and spread around your ass, deep guttural grunts escaping him as he gritted his teeth. You stay still as you both try to catch your breath, Tim’s chest heaving up and down as he wipes the sweat from his forehead. He couldn’t remember the last time he was as worn out as he was now, but he also couldn’t remember a time he was this horny. Before he could grab something to clean off his cum from your ass, you looked back at him over your shoulder, your makeup now smeared and a fucked-out expression painted on your face.

“How else can I make you happy Tim?” You asked with a small smile that Tim returned with a grin as he felt himself start to get hard again.

#masky x reader #tim wright x reader #tim marble hornets #marble hornets #bimbo reader #smut #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #x reader #masky marble hornets #mh masky #tim masky #if writing for bimbos was illegal yall would have to arrest me I CANT HELP IT!!#also feel like i kinda wrote him as a weirdo but hes normal i swear yall #EVERYONE gets to fuck the bimbo they are welcome #also the pink and black is so cute omg my fav colors ahh #title is from 3oh!3 song btw

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dancermk · 6 months

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HELLO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS!

I, like many viewers, have been completely entranced by Hawk and Tim’s love story in Fellow Travelers. As a mature queer person, this show has been very emotional, and I am deeply invested. (I WILL riot if Tim doesn’t get to die in Hawk’s arms, and know that he is, and has always been, loved by Hawk.) But I digress.

Something that I have been fascinated by are the differing opinions that have surfaced about the characters, especially Hawk. I’m not looking for any arguments here, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is simply mine. To me, Hawk falls hard and fast for Tim. He breaks all his own rules for Tim - they topple over like a house of cards.

When we are introduced to Hawk, he’s cold and heartless with the men he hooks up with - they are nothing more than a body to fulfil his sexual needs and desires. He doesn’t do repeats and he doesn’t bring them home. But Tim, he instantly begins returning to, gets him a job, then allows him into his own apartment, etc. When Tim pushes back, Hawk relents further, letting him in emotionally, sharing parts of his past, crossing lines by introducing him to others in his circle, and so on.

Hawk is a traumatised man, carrying guilt and anger and shame, and a bucket load of fear! Yes, he has some internalised homophobia, but interestingly, he’s also extremely righteous about his homosexuality -and I don’t believe he thinks being gay is wrong in any way. (His response to his father is indicative of this).

I can personally say that I’ve never thought it was wrong to be queer, yet I spent much of my life hiding who I was and feeling shame. It’s an odd thing! Perhaps it is that the shame forms purely from what is outside of us, while what is inside of us can love another person of the same sex, knowing it is right and pure. Perhaps these contradictions between self and society are what causes so much pain and conflict?

But back to Hawk. Hawk is undoubtedly most affected by his teenage first love experience. A love that he fucked up through his own fears (fear for many men is unacceptable and a sign of weakness), and now carries the burden of believing he is responsible for their death. Hawk doesn’t allow himself to love again, until Tim. And we see many times throughout the show how much Hawk fears losing Tim. And in the end he’ll have to face that fear. I think that, in part, not attempting to have a life with Tim, is also fuelled by his fear of fucking it up and losing Tim - so it’s easier to just not attempt it! In episode 7, when he loses his son, part of that spiral is Hawk recognising that he can’t really prevent loss, and he wasted his life trying to be something he’s not - still losing his child and Tim along with it.

But Hawk is a survivor! And no one has the right to hate or judge him for it. I don’t think some young people truly understand what it feels like to live in a world where who you love can put you in jail, and destroy your life. I grew up in the 70s/80s and my experiences were bad enough, but I try so very hard to think about what it was like before that! When being queer was a crime and a mental illness! That’s pure terror! And for Hawk, he chose to survive the best way he knew how, and he wasn’t able to change because that’s fucking hard when all you’ve known is living in constant ‘fight or flight,’ and when have chronic trauma and experience collective trauma.

I think in episode 8 we’ll finally get to see Hawk grow - I certainly hope so - because he deserves to be free. Our beautiful Skippy has been free for some time, and while we mourn for the cruelty of a world that would take such a truly decent man, I am glad he got to live freely. Being closeted is the worst kind of suffering- a compartmentalised and fragmented existence where you are never truly whole, and therefore can never be the best version of yourself.

Before I go, I just wanted to also talk about being in a closeted relationship-which I experienced in my youth. I think that Hawk and Tim’s intense and toxic and exquisitely beautiful relationship, in part, arises from this. Because two closeted people in love live their relationship in secret, in a bubble, only in certain rooms, with none of the outside world reflected back at them. It becomes the two of you against the world. It’s so insular. Hawk and Tim literally live their 1950s relationship within two rooms - their apartments. All their memories are held within those walls. And it only belongs to them. They know each in ways that no other living soul does. It’s all-consuming and often unhealthy, but also stupidly romantic.

Anyway, sorry for this long winded post that no one will read and is likely full of grammatical errors because I’m tired! This atheist is praying we get everything we need from episode 8! Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding resolution, healing and a whole lot of love! ❤️

Cheers queers! 🏳️‍🌈

PS Matt and Johnny are exquisite on and off screen and I am so thankful to them for bringing these characters and this story into our lives!

#fellow travelers #hawk and tim #hawkins fuller #tim laughlin #hawk and skippy #matt bomer #jonathan bailey #lgbtqia #queer media

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vee-crytraps · 2 months

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Kiss Me More {Themes/TW's Masterlist}

Pairings: Dick Grayson/Reader, Jason Todd/Reader, Tim Drake/Reader, Damian Wayne/Reader Trigger Warnings: 18+, light yandere, graphic descriptions of sex, Fan-non personalities, reverse harem, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy pining, teenage hormones, (legal) age differences, fem!reader, violence, drug use, polyandry. General Themes: Sex positivity, sexual curiosity, sexual promiscuity, sexy sex sex sex, struggling with growing up, struggling with Naughty Feelings, trying to become a person, general feeling of being misunderstood, possibility of light angst in future, family death (mentioned).

Reference:

Ages: Dick 29 | Jason 23 | Tim 20 | Damian 18 | Reader 18 DICK is the ‘no man will compare to your charming big brother’ type. He is your knight in shining armor, always eager to put you first. He believes no one will be able to take care of you the way that he can, but doesn't view other men as competition- preferring to show you that he’s better. He's your childhood friend, your 'boy-(in-the-room-) next-door'. Dick's love language is...kind of all of them? But he loves spending time with you, lounging about your room while you choose outfits and recount high school drama. JASON is one of your more estranged siblings. He gets off knowing that Bruce views you as an innocent, and that your involvement with him in particular is taboo in all sorts of ways. Part of him is getting over the fact that you really aren’t as delicate as you used to be, far from the annoying brat he believed too weak for their nightly family adventures. He wants to protect you but also feels like he’s missed too many formative years to really boss you around like an older brother. Whenever he tries, it always comes out a little awkward. He’s the care-free fun sibling, letting you get away with whatever you want while simultaneously encouraging it. He is a pleasure seeker and an enabler, but will also recite some poetry after he finishes boning you on his couch. TIM is like a best friend. This relationship is more casual than truly lusty or romantic, at least at the start. Even your intimacy is playful and spontaneous. There's no pressure to be anything but yourself, in and out of the bedroom. Tim mostly adores your curiosity, a trait which you both share. You often go down wikipedia rabbit holes together, or people watch at the park outside of WayneTech during his lunch breaks. You've also started a snapchat series of him falling asleep in strange places. DAMIAN is a total dominant personality, if somewhat socially awkward. In some ways, he believes you belong to him. He views you as a pet or a toy sometimes, wishing to take care of you in his own way. His role in your life is essentially a sexual and romantic version of how Bruce sees you. Damian dresses you, enjoys bathing you and would rather watch you get off than be able to get himself off. Like Bruce, it's as much of a control thing as it is a 'I don't know how to interact with people in a genuine way' thing. He doesn’t always know what to do with reciprocation as he’s never had it, but he doesn’t need it with you. Much like the relationship between a pet and it’s human, it’s one sided care. This is important because Damian cherishes pets over humans, so the fact that he cares for you like a dog means that you’re highly valued in his mind.

Lil Notes: Feel free to suggest/request little scenarios! If they don't inspire anything for Kiss Me More, they might make a nice little one shot! No guarantee that I can get around to them, but I will try my best! I'll be re-posting my work from Ao3 onto Tumblr slowly so I don't flood the tags.

#Kiss Me More #v.fic #v.masterlist

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mazzystar24 · 1 month

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What I don't get is why people think it's problematic to still wish for Buddie. Like isn't it worse to be happy just because he's with a dude now. Like so you didn't ship Buddie for their amazing chemistry and history, you just shipped them because they were two hot dudes.

(This is not directed at people who are enjoying Tevan for the ride, this is about people who jumped completely)

((obviously bi Buck is important, but I don't think seeing it as a step towards Buddie is bad. We've been waiting for something like this for so many years))

Sorry but this is all that’s in my head^^

But yes yay now I get to have my rant-

The fact that so many people genuinely just wanted buck to end up with a dude is just

Look there is wanting representation which I GET I am all for

Then there is not caring about anything to do with that representation as long as you see two hot guys kiss

Representation without substance, meaning and actually changing what we usually see on screen is just so surface level

and listen we are ALL guilty of that thing where we hear about a show with a queer couple and we instantly get excited and rush over there but some of these people don’t give a shit about the storylines as a whole, the characters as a whole, character development, etc all those things that make representation MATTER

Like we aren’t just happy that bi buck is canon because oh look here’s a bi man character

No we are happy because we got to see his development we got to see his insecurities, history, his personality and his bond with these other characters through the years. Now look I’m not saying oh look at this fictional character think about his feelings, I’m saying that characters and their complexities drive a story they are what make me invested whether it’s a book a movie or show, and to not care about any of that just for the sake of tokenism is insane to me

I also feel it bares mentioning that this is one of the RARE times that this representation in media isn’t a case of tokenism like they’ve taken a character and built him and built the show and built the dynamics outside of his sexuality and made it canon in season SEVEN like Tim and Oliver and the entire team did something we don’t see much or ANY of in media like the way they made it is like we have this journey with the character like it’s a double blind test ( sorry I’m revising for a psych exam rn and my brain can only use that analogy) and until the reveal seven years in we don’t know for sure even if there have been inklings and people are more focused on the fact that oh look some hot dude kisses another in this show

Like genuinely ship what you want to ship and enjoy the time but don’t disregard meaningful potential representation which would have 1. A character navigating sexuality in a situation as complex as Eddie’s 2. A gay couple which wasn’t planned and they actually listened to fans for 3. A well done queer slow burn with the same gravity and meaningfulness that straight slowburns get

Thank you for the opportunity to rant anon🫡

Sorry for the long ass reply😭😭

Edit: also wanna add that yes I’m in analysing media mode because I also have sociology revision on representation in media🤭🤭

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc #911 fox #evan buck buckley #911onfox #asks open #send asks #answered asks #asks

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oldmannapping · 8 months

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HC Batfam sexualities. NSFW.

Note: I’m aging everyone up for this. Damian’s 17. Not gonna put a label on a 9 year old.

Bruce: Considers himself straight.

Considers any non-straight feelings or experiences he’s ever had as “interesting” and adds them to his personal file on himself.

Ardent believer in the Kinsey scale as a literal measurement tool and takes the test every 18 months to monitor any sexuality fluctuations so they aren’t an unknown variable that might impact his Batmanning.

Dick: Apologetically straight.

Aware of his huge LGBTQIA+ following as Nightwing (and to a lesser extent, as socialite Dick Grayson). Passionate supporter of LGBT+ rights and vocal patron of many charities and organisations.

Experimented thoroughly during his teen years and regrets some unfortunate paparazzi pictures taken during that time, as he worries that he was inadvertently queer-baiting with his public persona.

Loves love, loves to see it, accepts everyone. Oldest-child guilt for not being queer because he doesn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Told Bruce to stop making them all do the Kinsey scale because it’s creepy and invasive.

Jason: Doesn’t think about it.

Is pretty sure he’s straight, but has definitely had at least mild crushes on a few male figures in his life and in the media over the years. Has jerked off thinking about guys but never analysed it.

Sex isn’t his priority but he meets his needs when he has to, same as eating and sleeping.

Feels anger more than lust. Sees people as threats or targets more than sexual beings. Gets in his own head about the injustices of the world and doesn’t realise he has an unrelated boner.

Duke: Identifies as straight.

Has dated a trans girl, would be open to dating non-binary people, considers himself straight because he’s not into labels and considers trans women real women with no asterisks.

Romantic to his own detriment. Can come on too hard and fall too easily.

Can’t jerk off to someone he has a crush on in real life because he thinks it’s creepy.

Tim: Memorised every single sexuality definition and read seven books before settling on bisexual.

Thinks the Kinsey scale is outdated and irrelevant. Drafting a 350-question sexuality spectrum test for Bruce to use instead. Will recommend its implementation twice a year.

Forgets to think about sex until something minor triggers it and then he can’t focus on anything else. Obsessive.

Overthinks sexual encounters and is highly likely to read - and take the advice of - Cosmo sex tips. Bernard got him listening to Savage Love which was much more helpful for their relationship.

Steph: Has privately identified as queer for years but never bothered coming out.

Had some revelatory experiences with other women. Generally prefers men but her best orgasm was with a woman.

Owns an impressive and practical range of vibrators. Always packs one in her go-bag for missions, next to mace and her spare lockpick.

Is deeply glad she never slept with Tim because she thinks he’d overthink it and it would have been awkward, and made their friendship weird.

Damian: Thinks of himself as “currently straight”.

Likes to stand out for his skills and superior bloodline, not for his position outside mainstream social norms.

Doesn’t care about fitting in but doesn’t want to announce his sexuality in a crass way like Drake.

Is giving himself until he’s 21 to discover if he’s not straight. Refuses to engage with Dick or Bruce on “birds and the bees” talks. Put a sword through his tablet when Bruce sent him the Kinsey scale when he turned 16.

Cass: Lesbiconic. Steph coined the term and Cass loves it.

Lesbian. Never questioned it. It never mattered because her body was a weapon, not designed for pleasure.

Has three vibrators, two from Steph and one from Harper, that she hasn’t used yet but has inspected thoroughly.

Not interested in dating but will hook up with people so discretely that you won’t even realise she’s left the room.

Efficient at sex. Learning to not be overwhelmed by body language cues. Meditation is helping.

Alfred: Goes buck wild on cruises twice a year. Usually tells Bruce he’s visiting family in England.

Has seduced many married women away from their husbands, and charmed the husbands into shaking his hand afterwards.

Too powerful.

The world is lucky he prefers to remain in the shadows.

Considers labels a curious thing. Has primarily slept with women but would do what he had to for the mission.

Thinks Bruce and his Kinsey scale are adorably naive.

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devine-fem · 28 days

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You're opinions about Bernard Dowd and Timbern?

Girl. I’m just glad Tim didn’t date Conner 😭 Me and the writer that made Timber a thing got serious beef but thank you, thank you for not doing Timkon, oh my god.

ANYWAY. In actuality they did alright by Timber. Like one, Bernard Dowd is a character that Tim was friends with. Two, we actually see Tim question his sexuality and three. They made the relationship healthy, like I can actually tell Tim and Bernard want to be around each other. Sometimes they are kinda cringe but for the most part, I think they’re nice.

I’m gonna be honest, Bernard is not all that boring, lots of male characters get female love interests all the time that have no personality and never existed before and we give them the benefit of the doubt. We only care now because Tim and Bernard are gay.

AND Bernard actually does have a bit of character outside of Tim Drake if you actually stopped to read it. They made Tim queer with good intentions which is also nice.

Now I don’t really care about Tim Drake, at all but I’m definitely Pro-Timber, for sure.

#jay nakamura on the other hand can cease to be #timber #tim drake #bernard dowd #asks

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tiredofsatansbullshit · 1 year

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The whole family thinks this is all gutbustingly funny, and won't stop egging the whole thing on

Duke: Damn the main Red Hood thirst page is somehow aLWAYS bumping, it's hella active on here no matter what time it.

Jason, head in his hands: ☹️

Dick, talking about the Red Hood thirst page: Oh WOW, there's so many fitness models on here, it's crazy, my GOSH, I didn't even know there WERE this many female martial artists outside of the dojo groups + community martial arts center page

Jason, openly weeping: PLEASE

Tim, checking the page: wOW, these supermodels are both REALLY hot and REALLY creative, you wouldn't believe the way the person that wants to - “apply degloving levels of suction” to you looks

Jason, curled up on the floor:

Stephanie: i have truly never seen so many attractive people until i scrolled through the Red Hood thirst page. It is a good time for people of all sexualities to be scrolling through that

Jason, wrapped in a blanket and rocking on the floor:

#these are so funny #thanks anon #q's answers #jason todd #the batfamily #red hood #dick grayson #tim drake

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dairy-farmer · 3 days

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It's almost midnight and I'm not entirely sure how to phrase this, but this idea will not leave me alone.

Bruce, Dick, and Jason are good people; obviously, they wouldn't be heroes/vigilantes if they weren't. And part of being a good person is being revolted by sex crimes, especially against children. The Bats always hurt the sex criminals a little more than any other bad guys... And yet they're all fucking the underage new Robin, Tim.

Jason has forbidden children from working the corner, and kills a pimp who tries to turn out a kid anyway - then goes back to the manor and bends little Timmy in half. Dick saves a young woman from a date rapist, breaking the guy's arms in three different places - then goes back to his apartment where Tim is visiting and they 69 for almost an hour. Bruce helps the Justice League take down a worldwide sex trafficking ring - and returns home wake up Tim with a surprise fucking.

Eventually someone in the hero community finds out (it's honestly shocking how little effort the bats seem to be putting into hiding this horrific thing they're doing), and because it seems so out of character they bring in Martian Manhunter/Constantine/Wonder Women's lasso to check if they're being a mind controlled or lying about being good people or something. But? There's no sign of mind control or magic spells. And when Wonder Woman questions them they don't try to lie, even in the standard bat 'lies of omission or talking around in circles so it seems like they answered but they actually didn't' way. Of course they're fucking Tim. Yes, it's been a few years and no Tim isn't even 15 yet. Things get very odd though when Diana offhandedly asks how they could possibly do such terrible things, because all three say that there is nothing bad or terrible about what they're doing ... and the lasso doesn't blow or burn them. They are telling the truth, or more specifically, they believe what they are saying is the truth.

After a lot of back and forth it's established that Bruce, Dick, and Jason only feel this way about Tim: when the situations and circumstances around Tim are presented in an ambiguous way, the three are rightfully angry and horrified. But as soon as those actions are applied to Tim, they immediately change tune. It's completely baffling and makes absolutely no sense!

Until they go to question Tim and Constantine, having never met Tim before, exclaims that 'he's a fucking succubus!'. Turns out that Tim was not aware of this, and neither were the bats, yet Tim had managed to somehow subconsciously edit in a type of 'Tim Exclusion Clause' to the Bat's sexual morality about minors and children. The reason Constantine hadn't caught it before when he scanned for magic is that it's not a compulsion or an enchantment or anything like that, but more along the lines of a 'glamor' - Tim isn't making them want to have sex with him, he's just kind of editing out of the morality and rational thought that would point out why they shouldn't be attracted to him or want to.

Honestly not sure where to go with this from here. The Justice League probably ends up not doing anything because like, Tim is totally into it and also needs to have sex to remain healthy, and his morality edit glamor has no effect on the bats actions towards any other people or children. I don't know why, I just really liked the idea of "The bats find 'xyz' actions absolutely horrific... Unless it's them and Tim, in which case it's totally different and cool".

yessssssssss!!!!!!!!!this is so good!!!!!! tim being a succubus and no one knowing and him ending up using his powers unconsciously to make it so that tim fits in his own category, outside of 'grown up' and 'child', existing outside the barriers that would normally prevent the bats from fucking him.

the way that none of them see anything wrong with the fact that they're fucking and sharing tim, they don't make any effort to hide it and in fact the justice league aren't the first people to find out. there have been visitors to the manor who have seen or heard things and have just never bothered to say anything because bruce is...bruce and the amount of money he has would ensure their silence if they ever tried to say anything so they don't even bother trying and just resolve that it's typical rich people depravity.

tim being a succubus and it affecting his sweet admiration for batman and nightwing and robin. he's a young succubus, a baby succubus and so he can't fully control his power- the ones that allow him to cross paths with them one night while he's spying on them with the telescope he got for his birthday on the roof of his parent's penthouse.

tim had always been a little different from his peers, from the other children. he'd always been more...advanced. more mature with an indepth knowledge about people and what felt good, what made them lose sanity and control. tim couldn't help it, couldn't resist his own body and the way it just hummed with a hunger and need.

but all that had happened was counselors and teenagers bringing his parents in, accusing them of things and their son of being a seducer and that this was a school for decent people. and so tim was made to home school.

until robin stumbled across him. until he was charmed by tim's earnest demeanor and need to please. for nightwing and batman it's the same.

they stop by to visit tim, increasing the length, they don't reject tim's invitation in, eager to show them his photos taken from his telescope and his room.

tim's room in that quiet little penthouse is where they fuck him for the first time and fill tim's belly in more than one way.

they bring tim home eventually, to the manor to play more and also because they liked him, they liked having him around and seeing him giggle and laugh when they weren't crouched over him fucking their cocks into his little hole.

sex with tim is different, it's better, deeper. it's like they can feel at peace with the world when they're with tim and not fall so deeply into the darkness of nihilism and crumbling faith in the world after doing their jobs for so long and seeing the worst humanity had to offer. tim grants them reprieve from that and so of course they grow attached to him.

for the most part sex with tim doesn't feel like sex, it doesn't carry the heaviness it usually does. where before dick and bruce would balk at sharing a partner, with tim they did it without blinking. they'd even keep talking about a case through it while tim whined between them.

dick and jason would discuss entire sex abuse cases while taking turns fucking into tim's little hole, neither of them seeing anything off about spending time with their timmy.

even after they find out tim is a succubus nothing in their brains switches. they still never see anything off about what they do only that their friends go green with sickness when they talk about fucking tim. it's not like they dislike tim either, if anything they seem very...concerned for tim?

either way nothing ultimatly changes but it does take the league awhile to...adjust. they're not sure how to tackle it.

constantine had told them that depriving a succubus was akin to torture and removing the succubus from their...feeding ground was tangential to genuine abuse especially since tim was essentially harmless and wasn't actively praying on people instead opting for willing donations.

but...they can't just ignore how it looks. if new members join the league, if other people find out about it...it just LOOKS bad. it makes them feel weird to act like they approve of it.

but constantine just huffs at them, says their sensibilities are surprisingly delicate and that they need to learn that the world and wider universe won't always necessarily obey their version of morality.

they just need to make peace with the fact that succubi can fuck anyone and thing, that they mature at different rates than humans and while this one might look like a human at a sexually underdeveloped state it was in fact very much a succubi that has begun to feed and establish territory.

and that unless they could prove a compulsion, which constantine had already said there wasn't, there was nothing more they could do.

but constantine sees how unsure and shaken they are and moves to give them some modicum of comfort, telling them that this is no different to finding out their colleague fucks dogs, only difference was that this dog could talk and assure them it was okay.

oddly enough that still doesn't make any of them feel better but constantine had tried and so takes his leave knowing all was right with the world since he got that phone call asking for help because batman was fucking kids.

in the end the league does have to let things be. no one was getting hurt and their colleagues weren't being made to do something.

they do write up a brief to forewarn memebers who might cross paths with the bats. they don't go into much detail but do their best to make sure they're aware of the situation.

that doesn't end up helping much when a pair of dimension travelers stumble across the unfortunate sight of batman with his adopted succubus some years later but they intervene when things get ugly.

of course it doesn't get any easier explaining it to others but they try.

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

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