oldmannapping

[oldmannapping]

Fic: The Mouths of Babes (2/2)

Summary: Tim and Roy want to keep Bernard safe. They design heaps of security tech to install in his apartment. They do not ask Bernard about this first. He is not happy.

In this chapter: Bernard and Roy have a tricky conversation. Lian has a grilled cheese sandwich.

Excerpt:

God, how many times in the last few weeks had he let his guard down around Tim, relaxed and joked, talked about stupid little grievances from work, or insecurities, or fantasies, and taken him to bed or hugged him or laughed into his shoulder and Tim had been texting Roy about this shit. Had he been planning this while they watched tv? Had he rolled over after they had sex and texted Roy about the best place to hide a bio-scanner?

Bernard felt sick. Angry and embarrassed and sick.

Read it here

#roy harper #Bernard dowd #tim drake #tim drake has terrible boundaries #timbern #lian harper #batman fanfiction #invasions of privacy are tim's love language

[oldmannapping]

Have I ranted about how Jason Todd’s two dads are named

BRUCE and WILLIS

yet?

BRUCE. WILLIS.

That’s it. That’s the whole rant. It’s a short one today.

#bruce willis #jason todd #red hood #batman #batfamily #also why are the two main black batfamily members #duke and luke #why it rhyme #dc please help

[oldmannapping]

Love when I’m just scrolling mindlessly and a piece of art just sskkkkkkkkrrrrttttttt cracks my heart in half in less than a second.

So good.

So much time saved!

🙂

Fallen.

-

Really enjoyed working on this commission about Jason. Thanks to my amazing commissioner🙏

[oldmannapping]

Fic: The Mouths of Babes

Summary: Bernard meets Lian Harper, who decides he's friend-shaped.

Roy and Tim have terrible boundaries. Bernard and Roy have their first fight - will this be the end of a beautiful friendship?

Part of the Networking series, where I singlehandedly try to make the "Roy Harper & Bernard Dowd" tag a thing.

Excerpt:

“My daddy says that the most important thing you can do is challenge yourself. That’s why I make sure I brush my teeth even when I don’t want to, or go to school even when I don’t know anyone, and when I’m playing Minecraft I always make my axolotls swim in the ocean where can sharks eat them, so they challenge theirselves.”

“Uh.” The end of that sounded like a very Joker thing to say, but Bernard didn’t want to get this kid offside. “That does sound challenging.”

Read it here

#roy harper #lian harper #batman fanfiction #tim drake #tim drake is bad at boundaries #bernard dowd #timbern #tim drake/bernard dowd #bamf bernard dowd #red robin fanfiction #red robin dc

[oldmannapping]

“Jason, you have to wear your presents on Christmas day. It’s tradition!”

And Jason never participated in Secret Santa ever again.

Can't believe I forgot to post this

[oldmannapping]

I’ll never understand why fandom portrays Alfred as a master chef when he canonically fucks up waffles and is BRITISH. He makes shitty wet cucumber sandwiches and boiled potatoes, fight me

sometimes i think about dick's intense hatred of cucumber sandwiches

[oldmannapping]

Brothers 🥰

I love this

[oldmannapping]

Fic: Undercover (2/2)

Summary: Part two of the fic where Tim and Roy go undercover at a gay bar, and manage not to fall in love.

Featuring coming out, awkward conversations, stressed out Bruce, dressed up Tim and Roy, and chaotic Stephanie Brown.

In this chapter: The mission is a success but the debrief is messy.

Excerpt:

Tim and Roy had been given tablets to complete their reports, since the Bat brand had a commitment to going green and was aiming to be entirely paperless by 2030.

There were still some glitches with the apps they used for dictating reports (which Oracle insisted weren’t glitches but were actually user errors from people trying to dictate while eating, in the shower, or during active gunfights), but overall it was pretty easy to complete the template directly onto the tablet.

Theoretically easy, anyway. Somehow, the Batkids still managed to collectively leave about seventy percent of their reports unfinished, even after Bruce reduced the template down to just seventeen pages after receiving strong feedback. Apparently they could fill in employee happiness surveys just fine. Hn.

Tim idly clicked through the checkbox portion of the report, going by muscle memory. “Red Robin, date, location, in person, undercover… Hey Roy, what did we decide you were again? My otter pimp?”

Read it here

#batman fanfiction #red hood #jason todd #roy harper #bisexual roy harper #bernard dowd #bamf bernard dowd #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #dick grayson #batfamily #timbern #tim drake/bernard dowd

[oldmannapping]

Fic: Undercover (1/2)

Summary: Part of the Networking series, which explores Bernard's developing friendships with Roy and Jason.

In this episode, Tim and Roy go undercover in a gay bar and manage to not fall in love. Jason is confused but supportive. Bernard and Steph are enjoying this way too much. Bruce is just so done.

Pairings: Gen, Tim/Bernard, friendships friendships everywhere

Warnings: Very brief mentions of violence, for plot set-up purposes.

Excerpt:

“We should have gotten Tim some fake tattoos,” lamented Steph as they did their final inspection of the pair.

“No, it’s a good contrast,” said Bernard, tapping his chin as he looked from Tim’s smooth, Taj-Mahal-pale skin to Roy’s freckled, tattooed, and track-mark-scarred arms. “Besides, the guy you’re after is into the young twinks, right? Matching tatts with his otter dom isn’t the vibe.”

“What’s an otter dom?” asked Cass, raising Bruce’s blood pressure by 10 BPM.

“An otter’s a gay dude who’s bulkier and hairier than a twink,” explained Bernard, absolutely ignoring Bruce’s blood pressure because god dammit, the man had created this life for all of them and it was his actions that had led to this moment, so he could damn well suffer.

“But not super bulky or hairy, like a bear,” added Roy, who was always up for making the vein on Bruce’s forehead dance.

“Okay, focus.” Jason didn’t know why everyone was talking about otters and twinks and dressing up. He just wanted to get in and stop the bad guy.

Read it here

#batman fanfiction #jason todd #roy harper #tim drake #bernard dowd #stephanie brown #dick grayson #cassandra cain #timbern #tim drake/bernard dowd #chaotic waynes #undercover trope #what if they didn't fall in love #bisexual tim drake #bisexual roy harper #confused jason todd #supportive jason todd

[oldmannapping]

“he would not fucking say that!” then put him in a situation that makes him say it, we wanna see him squirm

[oldmannapping]

Fic: Body Swap, Part 13

Summary: Part 13 of my body swap fic that's designed to feature only the embarrassing gross parts of being body swapped. You know, the parts that better writers know to discretely avoid.

Steph-Tim, Dick-Jason swap.

In this chapter, we go back to basics. Steph tries to learn how to pee with morning wood, Jason tries to enjoy his favourite food with different tastebuds, and everyone gets an education about pantyliners.

Excerpt:

“It’s definitely weird,” notes Steph. “I can’t sit the same. I’m super aware that I have a penis and balls. They’re just THERE, all the time.”

“Yep, that’s kind of how it goes,” says Dick, very experienced in the art of existing with a penis.

“If we’re talking about sleeping, I slept fine,” continues Steph. “But waking up was definitely an experience.”

Tim turns bright red. Dick cringes and Jason cackles through his eggs.

Steph continues, not because she’s oblivious to the mood of the room but because she didn’t get where she is by giving a fuck about making other people comfortable.

“Is there a trick to it? This morning I had to pee, and first I thought I wouldn’t be able to pee when it was, you know.” She helpfully demonstrates with her finger, which Tim finds both mortifying and a little insulting. 

Read it here

#batman fanfiction #body swap #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #crack fic #learning how to pee with a penis

[oldmannapping]

Their lil matching outfits 🥰

i adore these two.

anyone who says they don’t act like brothers doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

[oldmannapping]

Fic: The Business Card, Chapter 2 (final)

Summary: The Red Hood has a business card. If he gives it to you, it means you're under his protection.

Bernard Dowd has one of these cards.

Bernard Dowd is kidnapped anyway.

Bernard Dowd's kidnappers don't have a very good time.

In this chapter: Bernard is returned safely to Tim, whose love-language is overly obsessive security measures and invasions of privacy. Dick wants to hug everyone. Jason needs a smoke. Bruce is there too.

Excerpt:

Tim’s eyes were tightly closed and he rocked himself and Bernard, shifting his weight from foot to foot like he wasn’t aware he was doing it. “There'll be electrified traps and sensors around each of your windows and all access points into the building. I’m also thinking of getting double-glazing and organising bulletproof glass, maybe a panic room and definitely a tracers that can be sewn into all of your clothes-“

“Tim.” Bernard’s voice was slightly strangled now. “Ribs.”

Tim jumped back, pulling his hands away sharply. “Sorry! Ohmygosh, I didn’t-“ His gaze turned to Hood, who was rearming the new security on Bernard’s window. “You swung him through the city with BROKEN RIBS???” His voice reached a near-shriek.

Read it here

#batman fanfiction #red hood #jason todd #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #roy harper #batfamily #bernard dowd #tim drake/bernard dowd #bamf bernard dowd

[oldmannapping]

I love those looks so much

But also, Jason Peter Todd, you put a helmet and some long sleeves on RIGHT NOW.

I will not have you coming back from the dead only to split your head open or die from a road rash infection from a tumble off your motorbike.

Red Hood + 🏍

[oldmannapping]

If it’s pronounced “faaaarrrrk”, it’s not a swear word.

You know what really fucking Annoys Me about internet censorship is stuff like swear words being heavily censored because that's entirely an American cultural hangup being forced on the rest of us. I don't know a single country where swearing is as taboo as it is in America. In fact most languages have swear words that would have the same effect on an American as giving a Victorian chimney sweep a pepsi max cherry.

[oldmannapping]

I was today years old when I learned that when you type “otp: true” in AO3 search results it filters out fics with additional ships, leaving only the fics where your otp is the main ship

[oldmannapping]

Joker orders all his branded merch off Redbubble and Covid fucked him up because the delivery wait times were insane.

Joker, on his joker tricycle that has rockets and flamethrowers on it: ITS TOO LATE BATMAN! IM ALREADY-

Batman: How are you making these things?

Joker: What?

Batman: These things. The contraptions that you use. Where do these come from?

Joker: What do you mean?

Batman: Where the hell are you getting these things from? Are you making them? Is someone else making them? Last week you had a giant jack in a box with your face on it that shoots out acid. Where did that come from? Did you make that yourself? Did you pay someone to make it?

Joker: Well-

Batman: The week before that you literally had a clown tank with several military grade missile. How do you obtain these things?! There’s nothing in the news of a tank being stolen or missiles going missing! And even if you stole the tank, how did you designed it to match your face so perfectly?!

Joker:…….

Batman: How do you have the time and resources to get these things?!

Joker, trying to think of a joke: Because uh…..Because I’m really Bruce Wayne under this make up.

Batman:…….

Joker:…….

Batman: Just shut the fuck up.