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intheshadowsbehindyou · 8 months

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Hey I've been wanting to ask you for a while a request I've had. Can I have some headcanons of the mercenary's realizing their feelings for the 10th merc after they brutally bash in a enemy's skull in for trying to kill said merc. And then the 10th merc looks at them with extreme concern while checking up on them. Before turning around and killing another enemy that was about to kill them.

I would love to see the mercenary's reaction to being saved by their crush and having to deal with the horny panic of finding them attractive.

If you dont want to do this that's fine. Thanks again for making really good tf2 x reader content! I love it! Byebye have a good day/night.

The Mercs realizing they have feelings for Y/N after watching them brutally kill an enemy (NSFW)

WARNING: severe amounts of simping

Scout:

- Oh. Oh.. OH. OHH NOOO! OUR SCOUUTTT. HE’S BROKKEEENNN

- You look so dazzling with the blood on your clothes and the rockets whizzing past you. The explosions in the background creating a fine backdrop. Cue the cheesy romantic 40s music as you kill people in slow motion and Scout is in awe.

- You’re confused. He had been standing there even after you had successfully cleared the point. You wave your hand in front of his face and he doesn’t react.

- In his head he’s already having romantic fantasies of frolicking with you on the beach and bashing in people’s heads. The idea of you beating the shit out of him particularly makes him feel a certain way. He has no idea why. Oh god, is this normal? Wait.. Why is he already having thoughts of marrying you and growing old together?

- Immediately goes whining to Spy like a little pussy about you. He’s batshit scared of you but also has the most confusing boner. Good job. You sent him crying after his daddy. You hear a “SPYYYYYYYYYYYeeeEEEE!” as you leave the battlefield. Followed by a groan from said frenchman.

———————————————————————-

Soldier:

“NOW HANG ON PRIVATE THATS NOT EXACTLY— Oh.. Ah..” Soldier hisses through his teeth and puts his fist to his mouth, his helmet falls back a bit from the impact you made of kicking an enemy demoman’s sticky bomb back to him. You can see his expression is incredibly conflicted about this. With mild arousal. Holy shit. Somebody as batshit crazy as him. Who the hell kicks an active explosive?

- Because on one hand, you’re impractical yet affective at what you do. Just like him. But on the other hand that’s HIS THING. NOT YOURS! He’s one to act incredibly erratic on many occasions when strategy is in the back of his head awaiting the stupidly fast yet eons long conveyor belt.

- Becomes incredibly infatuated by you on the spot. Creating a sort of vague idea in his head on what you could be like. Cue very vivid fantasies of you and him strangling a sumo wrestler while naked, claiming france as an American owned country for some reason by sticking the flag into the tip of the Eiffel tower while naked, and having a fine American breakfast on the deck of your cottage.. (while naked.)

- “Is that a pistol in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” You ask him afterwards. “NEGATIVE. THAT’S A ROCKET. I ran out of room.” He lies. You believe him because that sounds like something he’d do.

———————————————————————-

Demoman:

- You destroy a sentry nest he was trying to demolish around a choke point. He’s both offended, and slightly attracted. You’ve destroyed his pride and humbled him. Normally Demoman is the only one who can take down a sentry nest unless Medic has full charge on somebody — among other things.

- He opens his mouth to protest but you silence him with an award winning smile that makes his heart flutter. As you run past him to head over to Medic and regain your strength, he’s scratching his stubble. Trying to comprehend the slurry of feelings. Demoman is an adult and he’s old enough to be fully aware that you can feel multiple emotions at once; that doesn’t make him any less disoriented though.

- “Ay.. finally somebody who’s on my level!” he calls after you. Promising he’ll outrank you next round. His competitive nature demands it. He’s trying so hard to ignore his boner right now. Assuming it to be just from adrenaline.

- Well, you’re tied. You’re both equal amounts on the next scoreboard. He stares at it on the intel computer terminals in disbelief. He immediately downs a shit load of his scrumpy. Holy shit. He has a massive crush on you now. Begins to wonder how drunk he can get before he forgets about this.

———————————————————————-

Engineer:

- You distract him so much he doesn’t even realize the jammed shell in his shotgun at first. You’ve made him lose like half of his life experience in a fraction of a second and he tries to take out the jammed shell and ends up burning himself. “God. DANGIT.”

- inwardly embarrassed and trying to make it seem like all was normal; he slaps the back of the gun so the shell falls out. Continues trying to defend the points… emphasis on tries. You’re his type AND you’re blood thirsty. He can’t help but feel slightly intrigued. The sparks of what would eventually be a crush once he starts talking to you more.

- He can’t bring himself to think filthy thoughts of someone he just met, he wasn’t raised like that. Occasionally the thought crosses his mind and he becomes a little angry with himself. Please stop being sexy in front of somebody who was raised in the bible belt. PLEASE! he would beg you if it didn’t sound so weird out of context.

- Fuck it. Christian shame doesn’t beat nature. He has to jerk off to the thought of you after battles in the shower. You’ve fucked him up.

—————————————————————————

Heavy:

- “Heavy, i’m fully charged. Focus on the soldiers in the front and tell me when to— Was zur Hölle?!” Medic complains, looking away from Heavy’s WAY too apparent hard on.

- Heavy would make a great ice sculpture right now. He’s both sweating and frozen in place as he watches you tear the enemy lines to shreds. He rarely feels this way for anybody at all. Heavy was certain his libido evened out as he got older but you just brought him back to square one. He felt like a horny teenager again.

- He wants to lick the blood off your neck so bad. It’s disgraceful. He feels like a disgusting sewage pipe and suddenly wishes the respawn machine didn’t exist so he could permanently die out here just to forget this even happened.

- Eventually waves his hand for Medic to pocket someone else. Goes over and helps you kick some ass. You indirectly both bond from this and successfully kickstart your connection.

———————————————————————-

Pyro:

- You’re the same as them in their point of view. A ‘misunderstood’ killer (Yeah, okay..) who wanted nothing more than peace of mind while they went about their daily business!

- The enjoy he sees in your eyes as you land a hit is marvelous. Every single swing of your melee felt like some sort of complex ballet. There was birds and neon colors following you wherever you went. You’ve now given them a weird fetish for adept mercenaries they had no idea they even had. They want to meet you RIGHT NOW.

- air blasts a poor demoman off a cliff you were fighting. “Hey. It’s alright. I got this.” You tell them. Pyro just tilts their head. You walk on to cap the cart and Pyro follows closely behind you. “What’s up?” You finally ask him, out of curiosity. Pyro just stares. You begin to recall horror stories that the other mercs told you of Pyro.

- They continue following you around as your own personal bodyguard. Engineer tells you that he does the same to him on occasion. To the extent of protecting his sentries. Apparently Pyro just follows people around like a dog because they have no idea how to communicate their interest.

—————————————————————————

Sniper:

- Watches you a day before a match doing target practice atop a bridge. The targets in question are in the ravine below. The way you so effortlessly hit each target, only missing a few — for some reason caught his attention. He lowered his scope from his eye and preferred the entertainment of you for a moment.

- You get angry after only missing two. Taking your long range and throwing it aggressively into the ravine. Sniper has no clue why you did this, considering you’re the first person in a while who hasn’t fucked up this course right off the bat. For some reason your aggression is getting him hot and bothered. Is this just a weird preference or a sexual thing? Holy shit, he has no idea.

- Sniper brings his legs together to hide his wood. “Eyes both open with a gun like that, mate. Instinctive to close an eye but I guarantee you, if ya just focus on nothing but the target then boom.” He says. Wondering if maybe he was just overthinking and his penis was being insane.

- “As if you shoot with anything else besides a fucking sniper rifle.” You talk back. “I do, actually.” He says, shrugging at your rage. He didn’t feel like sassing back right now. He was tired. “I could show ya if ya want.”

- He bites his lip, applying pressure to the point it’s red. It was both your bad attitude and shooting skills. He loved a partner who was needlessly edgy. This is seriously the type of guy to swoon over the most edgiest of individuals. Eat nails for breakfast and wear a biker vest for god’s sake while you’re at it.

———————————————————————

Medic:

- Uhm.. Medic’s a little weird.

- Not only is he aroused by you in general but the blood on your clothes and in your hair. The way you kill enemies in-and-itself is arousing him. Much like Engineer he tries to focus on his job to no avail. Ends up pocketing you all day and after the other Mercs ask him about it, he claims it’s because they’re all annoying and not doing their jobs correctly again.

- He sits at his desk at night trying to do paperwork. He can’t focus after what he’s seen today. He begins having incredibly fucked up fantasies of eating your organs. Or you climbing into his chest and sleeping in there. Better yet? sex with both your entrails hanging out! knife play! biting! Dear god he’s gross. God, just shut up.

- He puts a hand to his own heart, feeling his heartbeat. For a second he suspected he was getting possessed or something. But no, he’s just incredibly horny. “Archimedes.” Medic said breathlessly. “I do believe i’m moonstruck. Which is unacceptable..” He sort of laughs nervously.

- Coooo. Brrr.

- “Yes, I wholeheartedly agree.” His voice is hoarse. Medic picks up his bonesaw at the end of his table and looks at his own reflection in it. “Every time I love somebody it ends horribly. Best just get what I want and move on.” He says, darkly. What he doesn’t know is that this is the start of his relationship with you. Enticing you to have sex with him — with your consent — it brings you and him to an incredibly intimate level.

————————————————————-

Spy:

- MOTHERFUCKER AINT PLAYIN. he doesn’t waste time. He sees a fellow serial killer and he immediately goes in for the kill. (Pun intended.) But yeah this is Spy we’re talking about here. He’s a manwhore and I thought the canon already established that.

- “That was some fine work out there.” He tells you slowly. His hands behind his back. “Would you care to join me for a second?” He offers his hand. Which you take hesitantly. He takes you to his quarters and attempts to court you. Which works because he’s something straight out of a romance movie with his clever quips.

- “I have a feeling—“ He begins, slowly offering his hand and hovering it above your thigh, placing it down and rubbing you slowly when he didn’t sense any discomfort. “That we will enjoy each other’s company often, my pet.” He looks for your approval. Any sign of it.

- Dude is so fucking slick that you can’t resist him. He’s unbelievably experienced in romance and knows how to charm his way into your pants. It was like you were under a spell by a hypnotic snake. He ends up getting what he wants and doesn’t hold back. His knife is threatening your back and he’s atop you. “Shhh.”

- Sex happens. Aggressive sex. Right off the bat.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #demoman x reader #heavy x reader #medic x reader #spy x reader #tf2 x reader #tf2 x you #pyro x reader #sniper x reader

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yukishirostar · 4 months

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So people are talking about a post in the Zolu tag by a certain tumblr user in regards to their issues with Zolu as a ship. They shall be unnamed because i dont wish to bring attention to them and instead just want to focus on their arguments because they're not the first people to make some of these points and so this is also an opportunity for me to talk about these things (a tweet is going around on Twitter containing these screenshots with the username so you can find it there if you need to anyway).

The way this person dismisses the relationship between Zoro and Luffy as a result of needing to pair gay Zoro with someone is too laughable, they must be very fit in order to be able to do these mental gymnastics. I believe that many people who are going on about the Zolu scenes in the OPLA were already Zolu shippers who were familiar with the original story and are enjoying the moments because they were well, really good Zolu moments? And there is actually, shockingly, many good Zolu moments in the original story too which is why many people ship them. Wild, I know.

Then there's 'straight-washed Sanji'. Equally if not more of a bizarre thing to believe. I might make some people mad especially the Sanji stans out there who constantly insist on the 'repressed queer' narrative with his character, but Sanji is written pretty explicitly to be seen as a cisgender and heterosexual character. The way you say with your whole chest that Luffy is 'canonically' aroace but don't acknowledge that Sanji is 'canonically' cishet is beyond hypocritical. If you believe Sanji looking like a 'misogynistic straight man' is different from the way he is written in canon then maybe you should go back and reread/rewatch series with your eyes open this time. If you wish to headcanon him with the frankly offensive repressed bisexual/transgender cliché then go ahead, but that is clearly not the intention Oda has with his character.

There's also the fact that aroace people can uh. Be in relationships. Get married. Have children. Did it occur to you that many people who ship Zolu ship them as an ace couple or-

First thing I want to say here, as a trans man who is 'mlm', can other dudes stop with this idea that women or fem-aligned individuals enjoying homosexual relationships between two men is inherently fetishising or that as a masc-aligned individual your enjoyment of a ship is morally superior in some way. Stop pulling out your 'mlm/ transmasc / cis gay' card in order to justify why your ship is superior. Its cringe af.

But if we are to insist that 'cishet female gaze fetishising mlm' is going on then ironically Zosan fits that the better than any ship in the fandom. It being by far the most popular mlm ship means there is likely a higher proportion of people who identify as cishet women who ship it. Its also the classic 'two men who dislike/hate eachother and have a toxic relationship but hot sexual tension' slash/yaoi stereotype. Majority of Zosan I've come across is depicting Zoro as the masculine male man in the relationship while Sanji the effeminate twink that Sanji stans project themselves onto and they go crazy for the bickering that is apparently reminiscent to them of a toxic heterosexual marriage. Meanwhile every Zolu/Luzo shipper I've interacted with has been some flavour of queer and Zolu is closest to the 'falling in love with your same sex bestie' narrative that the majority if not every non-heterosexual person has experienced at least once in their lifetime. This is just my personal view of course, but I think noting a difference in perspective on this topic is interesting and reveals that at the end of the day this is totally subjective and based purely on anecdotes.

Also it's just a very weird point here that apparently OP has 'plenty of varied queer rep' (it actually doesn't have that many canonical queer characters in relation to its cast size but anyway) and other media doesn't so shipping aroace characters in gay relationships is valid in those but not in One Piece … HUH???? So you're saying if One Piece had 'less' queer rep, then Zolu would be fine to ship? Idek my brain hurts.

"I have black friends so I'll speak for the black community and get offended for them" (btw this person then proceeded to block aroace people who had issues with their depiction of aroace people).

Also if we're talking canonical depictions, the only thing Zoro has been canonically depicted as is also aroace, equally if not moreso than Luffy. So by your own rules, you can't ship a cishet (sanji) with an aroace (zoro), therefore Zosan is now invalid. Stop erasing Zoro's aroace identity bigot.

'Categorically wrong' makes me laugh. I don't ship Zoro and Nami but like, people can ship what they want to??

'The general public is aware enough of gay people and how to spot them these days' uh... firstly this sounds very homophobic. Secondly the general public (cishet ppl) are famously bad at recognising queerness even when its in flashing lights before them. Thirdly you make it sound like Zoro was going around on roller skates and booty shorts listening to YMCA and Madonna in the show. I do agree he was gay-coded but it was mostly because he had sexual tension with every man he interacted with, not for the strange reasons you pointed out...

Its kinda the elephant in the room too but like. These are just headcanons. You can have multiple headcanons and interpretations of a character's sexuality. I can see Zoro as aroace virgin one day and a gay h*e the next. I'm actually allowed, legally, to do that.

The way they think shipping Zolu is harmful to aroace representation when BOTH characters are closest to being canonically aroace than anything yet ship Zosan, label being anti-Zolu as some kind of pro-ace activism, and then proceeded to block aroace people for criticising their incorrect depiction of what being aroace is...

This was a lot of words to say that you don't like a ship. Just say you don't like it, and it gets in the way of the ship you like, instead of writing a virtue signalling essay to justify your reasoning. Please.

They had some more to say on future posts I'll just pick my favourite bits

They really have this narrative that Zolu is only popular because of OPLA and can't fathom that its just a popular ship in general and always has been huh. And they couldn't make it more obvious that they're totally salty about it ranking in the top 100 most popular tumblr ships, lmao.

Your classic case of 'self-identifying ally who speaks over the people they are supposed allies of'. Its a general rule that you feel the need to declare yourself an ally you're probably not an ally, actual allies know they need to just shut up and do the work. Saying 'this character's aroace' and 'I have aroace friends' actually isn't what allyship is, thats just accepting that ace people exist which is like... the baseline.

Calling a wholesome loving ship like Zolu an icky ship is a severe consequence of online brain (this person is 26 years old btw)

#long post #Zolu #Luzo #One Piece #response

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youremyheaven · 2 months

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is there a way to look at kinks/sex interests in the chart via nakshatras? i’ve tried googling on this subject but i’ve barely found anything on the topic beyond the simple “look at 8H or 12H for that”

OOOOH that's a spicy question 👀🥵(MINORS DNI)

I think trying to understand the nature of nakshatras helps in understanding what turns those natives on/what their kinks are. The yoni animal really helps in this regard. its imp to think of sex as a part of life and sexual nature as an extension of one's personality.

for example, i have two cat yoni friends (they're both ashlesha tho) who both have vaginismus which makes penetration really hard for them. male cats have barbed penises which makes penetration unenjoyable for female cats and its absolutely crazy how that can be manifest in cat yoni natives (i wonder how this will apply to male natives tho).

elephant yoni girlies i have known irl have had crazy sexual appetite. i do think your other placements/yoni animals will expand or restrict the energy of your primary yoni animal tho (which is the yoni animal of your moon nak).

lion yoni men freak me out bc ive had bad experiences with many of them. multiple guys who were creepy/SA-y with me had lion yoni. i think it makes you have an aggressive sexual nature.

ive noticed that many Moon dominant men kind of have a breeding kink or some type of semen related kink (sorry for being graphic, if youre a minor pls stop reading). ex: nick cannon who is hasta sun and has like 12 kids or something. i also think men with Moon influence love curvaceous women.

Mercurial men love someone who challenges them. they need that kind of stimulation to be turned on. i havent actually noticed this with mercurial women tho.

mars dominant men love milfs. most of them marry women who are much older than them.

i think venus/to some extent moon influence makes people attracted to those who they want to be like?? they'll straight up start acting like their partners. ex: kareena kapoor, shravana moon, when she was dating shahid kapoor, she was a vegetarian, super spiritual etc (like him) and after meeting and marrying saif ali khan, she has turned into a wine drinking, decadent, literature loving type person like him.

men with buffalo yoni (im thinking of Swati because those are the men i dated lol) have crazy BDE (and more than just energy👀) i know buffalo is not the same as a bull but i think the same masculine virility and tenacity applies. generally some yoni animals are more submissive and some are more dominant (just the nature of those animals, some are preys, some are predators) and i have noticed that every guy ive ever been attracted to has a large yoni animal because im (exposing myself here) hella submissive. if they have a mid-range animal/domestic animal/small animal, i feel put off with them bc i cant "submit" to them?? if ykwim

also check your darakaraka planet/placement etc and that will also help you understand what type of people you're attracted to. if you have Mars DK in 10h, you'd like someone a bit aggressive, sporty/athletic but also ambitious, career oriented, successful etc

i dont really know if i answered your question and im sorry i dont know any sources to direct you towards but i hope this has given you some ideas.

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sugarlywhispers · 1 year

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Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader (fem) x Midoriya Izuku.

A/N: hello there! just a few notes; dont feel afraid of the yandere tag/warning, it's not going to be that bad, i simply put it just to be safe because of the villains😉 i dont have this completely written, i'll go with the flow like i always do✌🏼, so if someone has feedback or ideas, you're more than welcome to talk to me!🤍 also, idk how long this gonna be, but it'll have several chapters. so get your snacks, and enjoy the ride~😉

WARNINGS: TRIO RELATIONSHIP, adult sexual content, angst and fluff, penetrative sex, oral sex, unprotected sex (USE GLOBOS, GUYS, preferably, pink ones lol😉), yandere themes –toxic/possessive behavior, mention of blood and violence, swearing lots of it thanks to bakugou lol

Summary: After several disasters that happened around the country, the government had no other choice but to enact a new law that would mostly shock every single person, including heroes.

"Please, please…Order in the room! I know," he says to someone that it's asking something but it's mostly impossible to actually understand for viewers like you who are not–were not present at the conference. "But, please, believe me when I say we have exhausted every possibility there is for this. This law was our very last resource."

By the tired tone in this man's voice and expression, you believe him. And you hate that you do, because that means you have no other choice. No one does.

Chapter One: The Law.

It doesn't matter how many times you rewind the whole conference from the start on your TV, the words are the same. The words mean the same.

"Thank you everyone for being here today," the same old man you have already watched–this was the third time–says, also greeting other people around he could recognize in the big crowd of journalists, governors, some famous people like idols, show directors, heroes, yada yada. The old man takes a deep breath, barely able to hide it in front of all the mics put there for him, "Due to recent misfortunes happening in our country, we can no longer postpone what we once thought could happen thanks to the society we live in today. The population has gone down in numbers, mortality rates spiking down lower than what we could ever hoped for. This law, that I'm about to present now to you, is the only way several professionals and analysts, in addition to Quirks used for this matter, could find to prevent the population from reaching the bottom–which can be translated as, from entirely disappearing."

No sugarcoat. That is something you do appreciate from this mess. You have always preferred the blunt, harsh reality of things than some kind words that were mostly used to not tell the truth.

"As from today onwards, a new law is going to take effect in our society, if not the entirety of the world. For now, we are the first country to approve this law, and we encourage others to. This law stipulates that one male, whether they are civilian or professional hero on duty, must marry and procreate with a female at least two new lives for the sake of humankind." The room explodes in protests, questions being yelled at the governor representative, and even talking between each other. "Please, please…Order in the room! I know," he says to someone that it's asking something but it's mostly impossible to actually understand for viewers like you who are not–were not present at the conference. "But, please, believe me when I say we have exhausted every possibility there is for this. This law was our very last resource."

By the tired tone in this man's voice and expression, you believe him. And you hate that you do, because that means you have no other choice. No one does.

The governor starts to speak again as the room settles a bit, "Each citizen will have to get through several medical tests that will help our specially prepared team to match them to perfection for this purpose. This stance will be called The Pairing. After this is carried through, each Pairing will have from two weeks to a month to finally sign a contract that validates the union between each part and compromises them for the purpose they had been Paired for."

There's chaos again in the room, and it doesn't settle until a woman stands from her seat and asks, "You said our population is currently going through a critical disbalance, right?" The governor nods admitting and signaling with his hand for her to proceed with her question. "Whether that means there are more females or males, how do you and your team plan to resolve the odd number that will complicate the Pairing of couples?"

Oh, good question!, you think again, enjoying way too much how she referred to that 'team' the governor kept talking about with so much sarcasm.

"The law establishes an exception to the Pairing of two. If one female is compatible with more than one male, or vice versa, there will be a more exhausting analysis to determine if she will be Paired with both of them."

"If that's the case, then how many children must they procreate?"

"The law does not change, there has to be two children for each couple."

Everything is chaos again and you sigh as you turn your TV off, same time that your phone vibrates over the little coffee table in front of your couch, where you sit with your legs pulled towards your chest. You pick it, the name Tora shining on the screen.

You don't get to properly set it over your ear that you hear her scream, "A FUCKING MARRIAGE LAW!" Her ear riping shout makes you wince, "Do you fucking know what this means, Y/N!?" Her excitement is not reciprocated.

"Goodbye my beloved freedom?" You answer groomly.

You hear her exasperated tsk, "No, silly! This means we could get paired with actual Pro Heroes!"

Oh, yes, Tora's obsession with Pro Heroes. An explosive blond one that is mean to everyone, a green haired one that is considered the Symbol of Peace of this generation, a red head one that looks more like a villain –in your opinion– and a white and red haired one that is colder than ice. And many more. How could you forget that?

You roll your eyes. The only reason you know about those is because of her, Kira and all the stories the kids in your class like to tell you about their favorite heroes.

"I think all of this is ridiculous. They are using us, women, just to procreate."

"Men too, girl. Don't forget that without the fish, there's no egg…" Tora adds, and even though the saying does not go like that, you understand what she means, so you don't even try to correct her, you simply agree. However, the fact that in this current population are more males than females, speaks volumes about the kind of governors that ruled society.

"I know it's both, it's just…"

"You're angry, angry, I know you…" She says, and it warms your heart a bit.

Tora has been your best friend since the first day you walked through the college campus and collided with her. Yes, collided, because she was using her roller skates to get to her room through the crowded place the first time you met. She hadn’t seen you opening the door to the room, trying to avoid precisely not crashing into anyone, but failed with you. You didn’t even have time to react properly before you felt the coalition and both of you fell inside your room, the pair of boxes filled with each other's belongings that each was holding flew and scattered everything around. ‘What a manga scene’, you had thought back then, laughing alongside Tora for such a mess. You have been best friends since then.

Then, alongside came Kira. While Tora is all sunshine and rainbows and a torrent of energy, Kira is the complete opposite. She is chill, wears dark and elegant clothes and looks at everyone like they are underneath her feet. You admired her confidence in every possible situation.

You, well… You are somewhere in the middle between those two girls. Not too bright but definitely not too dark. However, you were confident in your own skin, so that is what matters.

"And there's all the medical tests we have to do," you went back to the conversation. "What if a woman is sterile, or a man? Would they be absolved from all of this?"

"From what I understood, yes." Tora replies, clearly munching something she is eating.

"I hope I'm sterile!" You hear the comment from somewhere behind Tora. You snort, recognizing Kira's voice.

"Shut up, you dark and pessimistic soul," Tora protests, and you couldn't smile wider. "Oooon another note… have you searched for what permissions we need to take the kids to the museum?"

"Oh, yes! They were kind enough to send me the papers for it." You smile, now excited with this news.

"Fuck. Have I ever told you two how much I admire the patience you both have to work with kids?" You hear movement with Kira's sudden comment from the other line, now closer to the phone. You could imagine both of them lying on their stomachs in Tora's bed.

You smile fondly at Kira's words. Tora and you are school teachers. You teach kids from four to five years old, while Tora decided to teach bigger kids, between nine and ten years old. Again, Kira is the opposite of you two. She is the one with a Stylist major and a very successful career in the fashion industry and all the juicy back stage details.

"No, but a bit of love won't hurt," you say feeling in high spirits even though the news of a big and detrimental change in society had just been announced.

"You kinky Miss Y/L/N, I love you," Kira says in a very seductive low tone of voice as you gasp and Tora erupts in a fit of laughter. She was clearly referring to you as your position of teacher, and that is something no joke should come from. You work with kids, for God's sake!

"Don't you ever say that again!" You protest, trying not to laugh thanks to Tora's contagious one.

"You love me, still." Kira's tone of matter of fact makes you shake your head smiling. These women were your salvation.

“I have an amazing idea!" Suddenly Tora yells in excitement, and you already see it coming, "Let’s say goodbye to Y/N's so beloved freedom and welcome the new hot and lickable male heroes and future husbands in a very 'Trick Trio' way!” You roll your eyes.

No. Never ask about Tora's way of calling your three person friendship. EVER.

You fake a tired sigh but then smile, “Pizza and anime?”

“Pizza and anime, baby!” Kira yells back, and you can hear their high-five through the phone.

See? How could you not be friends with them? They are definitely what you consider the sisters you never had.

"What if I get paired with Chargebolt… Or! What if it's Red Riot!" Tora's steps are little jumps as she walks in the middle looking like a kid who is about to be taken to their favorite toy shop. Her excitement is completely shared with Kira's, but the last one has more self consciousness and just chooses to smile as she walks as elegantly as always.

You sigh. It's not that you're completely against this atrocious law. It's more the part in which you don't have any say or choose in it. What if you end up with someone mean? Or a secret villain? Or what if it's someone who is horrible with kids?!

You were not going to repeat your mom's history. Or so you hoped.

"You know what would be cool? Marrying Red Riot's abbs. Oh, what would I give to sit on that hot and sexy table."

You frown. How…? Why…? You shake your head. You are better not asking.

Being friends with those two taught you way more things than you expected. One of them was that there were times when you didn't need to know or to understand everything they talked about. This was one.

"You know what's hotter? Dynamight's biceps." Tora contributes as their destination appears at the distance. "My hottest scenario includes Dynamight coming back from work, all sweaty and buffy and making me lick his biceps. Oh, I would gladly die for them."

The imagery makes you gag.

"That's disgusting, Tora," Kira says, surprising you and Tora herself. Kira is always up for nasty and dirty scenarios with the Pro Heroes they like. It's a bit weird that she is not on board with whatever Tora's vivid imagination comes up with. But suddenly, she smiles and looks sideways to her two friends, "I love it."

You roll your eyes for the nth time as Tora beams in the next thing Kira says, "My hottest scenario includes Deku smashing my ass to Detroit." She smiles proudly as Tora groans.

The imagery again makes you wince.

"I swear… those big, powerful hands, ugh."

You do not engage in this type of conversations. Not because you don't find some of this generation of Pro Heroes attractive, they are; and the way that they risk their own lives for the country is very admirable. It's just that you don't follow each thing they do, nor actually know much of them. Of course, you hear the stories of how they defeated some big villains –or even helped a nanny cross the street– through your two obsessed friends and the kids at school that idolized them. But even then, when the news on the TV turns into Heroes feats, you simply change the channel or even turn it off. You have better things to do, honestly.

Your friends keep going on their fake scenarios talk as you three approach the door to the big and ostentatious hospital where the tests for The Pairing are carried out. They are simple blood and Quirk tests, nothing too complicated. From what the old man in the conference said, it was mostly to analyze the physical aspects of each individual to pair them with the best possible counterpart that would have the chance to fertilize the egg on one hundred percent of success. Yes, those are the exact words he used. And the very small, tiny letters in between the lines said: to create humans with the best Quirks ever known.

Of course, no one would ever admit that.

You hmm to something Tora asks your agreement for, not really paying attention to what is the conversation about now.

You don't have a very useful Quirk; not that the thought of becoming a Hero has ever crossed your mind. In fact, being raised by a man like your grandps actually opened your eyes and never even the intention to know more about Heroes in general crossed your mind. So, you really doubt you would ever get paired with some Pro Hero. You're mostly sure that they will be very selective in that aspect. A useless Quirk like yours, which gave you the ability to create illusions, more specifically in paper –you had only once tried it on thin air, and you almost die; so nothing else but paper, thank you very much–, will get nowhere near a Quirk like the oh, all mighty and greatest Pro Hero Deku, for example.

As you look side eye to your friends, and knowing the type of Quirks they have –and their eternal fantasy over Pro Heroes–, you realize you don't have it in you to pop their delusional and warm looking bubble. They are happy in their bubble, and you love seeing them happy.

But the fact remains. They would never pair them with Pro Heroes.

Kira's Quirk consisted in her having the ability to manipulate small things with her fingers from a distance. It had helped her a lot in her career, especially when the time to apply makeup to her clients or even herself came. The distance wasn't much, a couple of feets away, but she said she had never been able to move anything bigger than an eye brush or a pencil. Nevertheless from a very far away distance. She is okay with it though, she is still a hot badass successful woman. You are so proud of her. In Tora's case, she could make letters on the school board or actually any surface grow bigger, but she had never tried it anywhere else. She always says that she's better not having a cool, massive Quirk, or she would be insufferably annoying to everyone. Something you do believe with all your might.

You are so immersed in your thoughts that you hear Tora's warning of "Y/N!" late. You collide with a strong wall, your nose hurting thanks to it. You actually have to rub it to alleviate the pain, already feeling the redness there. But when you open your eyes you realize that the wall turned out not to be a wall, but a man. A huge man. He is the biggest man you have ever stood close to. Tall, almost three heads over yours, arms that looked like big rocks thanks to the thickness. His face is handsome, strong jaw and fine lines that accentuated the elegance in any spot you looked at in his face.

But all that handsomeness is slightly uglied by the deep scowl in his eyebrows.

"Watch where you're going, grub."

His bark almost goes unnoticed by the thickness in his voice that makes you tingle in places it shouldn't. But as he walks past you, you realize what he said… Did he just…?

"Did you just call me a grub?"

He doesn't reply to you, but he does look slightly back at you and you see the corner of his mouth lift a slight centimeter in a smirk.

"Oh, fuck you, asshole!"

You yell as he simply walks out of the building through the door, not troubled at all by your insult.

What a stupid jerk.

"I'm on your side, I'll forever, always be on your side," Tora appears suddenly next to you, her hand grabbing yours as you watch the jerk walk away, "but that was a fine, delectable man that you just insulted very out loud in the middle of a Hospital reception."

"He started it." You defend yourself before turning around and walking towards the counter, trying to ignore all the stares in your direction.

You hear both of your friends sigh in delight as they keep staring at the guy.

"Traitors." You shake your head, receiving the form you had to complete from the receptionist. You wanted to get out of that Hospital as soon as possible.

Two hours later, you were sitting in front of an old lady who looked at you like you had just been the shit she accidentally stepped on outside, and it was your fault. By the white doctor's gown she wears, and the little medal of the government attached to the right pocket of the gown, it isn't difficult to comprehend that she is the medical scientist in charge of the whole Pairing part of the law.

"Your test results are good. All functioning well and wealthy. You are fertile." Her robot tone makes you angry, and you want to protest so hard about all this protocol bullshit–about the whole fucking law! But for some reason, you can't take your eyes from the big, heary looking mole that stands on her face, right next to her nose on the left side.

You can even hear Kira in your head, "That is an uuuuuugly mole. I mean, the woman is ugly, but that mole makes it worse. Like a witch. A witches face indeed. Would her Quirk be a witch?" And you can hear Tora laughing at Kira's words. And you feel bad about thinking about all of this as the woman speaks.

"It won't take long to find a perfect match for your eggs." You visibly wince at her words.

"The fact that you people call it egg, only makes me feel like a chicken being prepared to–..."

"A chicken would be able to find itself a partner faster than you. Your age and still no children? You're clearly the problem, not your body."

You're sitting perplexed in your seat. The hot, very fucking hot sensation of letting yourself explode in anger travelling up your body. Who the fuck does she think she is?

Now you definitely don't feel bad about your thoughts.

She sighs, tiredly and annoying at your mere presence, "You shall receive a letter in the span of three to five days with the results. There will also be the date in which you'll have to meet your husband with the representative governor who will make you sign the contract."

She closes your chart and puts it away, then she looks boringly at you, expecting you to go.

The venom is right at your tongue, and you can't go without saying anything to this… horrible woman.

"I'm twenty five years old, and I haven't had kids because I made the choice not to. You're almost sixty, what's your excuse?"

Hell, you don't know if she has or not kids of her own, but by the expression on her face, eyes and mouth opening wide in indignance, says you have just spot on the right thing to say.

You smile, big and fakingly charming, as you stand and leave the doctor's office without giving her a chance to say anything else.

Once you're outside, you swear loudly. You just dug your own grave. Fuck.

Two days later, a letter was left in your mailbox. It had the signature of the Government so it wasn't difficult to comprehend that it was about this freaking law. You don't open it though until you're inside your apartment. You leave it at the table, while throwing your bag and tote bag with the Tupperware of the day inside, over the couch. You need to firstly freshen up before you get into your house duties.

You turn on the TV, news channel currently going, and walk towards your room to get changed. Thanks to the small apartment you own, you don't need to have the TV very loud to be able to hear it from your room. You leave alone, you don't need much or a bigger space.

"It happened again! Heroes Deku and Dynamight saved the day once more! A group of synchronized villains attack the Central Bank of Tokyo, witnesses say–..."

You huff, not really paying attention anymore. It's not that you aren't interested in what happened, you'll know either way tomorrow when Tora goes on about it, all day.

Once you're more comfortable, you walk back to the living room/kitchen, grab your tote bag so you put all the Tupperware to wash, still news of heroes on the TV that you really don't pay attention to. When that's done, tote bag folded back in its drawer and everything cleaned up, you turn and see the letter. You sigh, grab it and walk to the couch to sit.

"On other news, the Law is already taking effect in our country. Today, after five days of the official announcement, the first three couples have signed the Contracts after being Paired. All of the males are Heroes."

"Do you think it is a coincidence?" Comments the other journalist of the show.

"I don't think it is. It's clear that Heroes have the pressure to make this work alongside the government," answers another, to whom you snort in agreement.

"I agree. I don't know if it's by duty or support, but in the end, they are like us, don't you think?"

They kept talking about it as you opened the envelope in your hands and read its content.

'Ms Y/L/N, the government it's pleased to announce that your results have been Paired. We happily wait for you on the following date to meet your Paired to officially place a date for your Contracts.'

You feel like vomiting.

Shit, it's happening faster than you thought.

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melonsharks · 9 months

Note

Tell us everything about the parent trap au immediately please please please

to give u an insanely quick rundown with a wip art i have:

aziraphale as elizabeth. wedding dress designer under his pen name A.Z. Fell. (hes an artist as confirmed in s2 and the whole "drawing on napkins" thing elizabeth would do appeals to me immensely)

crowley as nick. owns a vineyard. I NEED HIM TO OWN A VINEYARD SO BAD. shoutout to Old Vines on ao3 for changing me in a fundamental way. he makes wines and he tends to the vines and he is so passionate about it to an abusurdist degree. he yells at his vines when they arent growing right. you already knowwww.

when they meet for the first time, they don’t meet on a boat like in the movie, they actually meet at a wedding party :J crowley was a wine collector, just starting out. he loved offering aziraphale samplings of his most vintage collection out of impulse. (he likes seeing the way aziraphale savors them) (he’s besotted) Wants to own his own vineyard one day. aziraphale, on the other hand, has dreams of becoming a fashion designer of sorts, always drawing ideas on any scraps of paper he can find. his designs are very old fashioned, but thats like… part of the appeal. his work very much reflects who he is, and the people who flock to it understand that.

they enter this kind of… whirlwind relationship, they get married, and then eventually adopt two golden haired blue eyed baby boys. twins. :J warlock and adam.

they break things off because aziraphale leaves... alluding to their recent breakup in season two, the reason he left was because "we both clearly had very different ideas on where our lives were going. so. i packed up and left." (parallel s2 divorce 😋 they don’t know how to talk to each other) (aziraphale throws a book at his head after this argument, like the hairdryer in the movie LOL. it was pride and prejudice. crowley still has it.)

aziraphale leaves with adam. warlock is left with crowley. crowley eventually leaves London because he finds he cant stand being anywhere near Aziraphale (hes just irresistible in that way), and he goes to California where he finally fulfills his dream of owning a vineyard. a nice one on Napa, Northern California.

Aziraphale’s wedding dresses become more and more well known, Adam grows well-adjusted. Same kid you know from the show and book, natural born leader, a good head on his shoulders. (Aziraphale has no idea why Adam is like that, but he is so proud)

Crowley’s vineyard (The Garden Of Eden) grows and grows… Warlock is spoiled rotten, but he does love actually working at the vineyard with Crowley to and he and Crowley have a really good relationship…

Eventually the kids go to a summer camp together in London (i dont know if they . do this in the UK, but suspend your disbelief if you will) Adam meets The Them there, then meets Warlock after a nutty fencing thing, they kind of hate each other at first and the rest is history :J

side characters UM. LOL. idk……. i mean i kind of know but not really? theres just so many possibilities that make the rounds in my head. chessy could be anathema OR nina (ive had people suggest eric too?) and martin could be newt OR maggie (ive also had people suggest muriel????) gestures vaguely.

as for meredith…….erm…………🤷‍♂️ ive had everything under the sun suggested to me and i still……have no idea. LOL. gabriel, lucifer, shaX, FURFUR, THE WIFE FROM THE NON-SPOILER SPOILERS. I DONT KNOW. IT ALL FEELS WRONG. its hard to come up with this role in particular when these gay bitches literally only have eyes for each other. always. forever. u know. i think lucy is like. the classic answer. but idfk.

ask me about . more things if u want. this is consuming my every thought.

anyways the cover im working on for. for something:

#good omens #good omens 2 #gomens #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley #adam young #warlock dowling #parent trap au #asks #paradox-progressing #i said insanwly quick but this is so fucking long. im sorry

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mrs-monaghan · 1 year

Note

i’m just saying but your “proof” of them being together is normal stuff friends do who are extremely close. i’ve done it with my best friends throughout my life. and i think you really should respect the fact they have all said they get uncomfortable when being shipped with their friends. plus aren’t you setting yourself for disappointment when they come out and they’re not together?

24th July 2023. All these years later and people like you still exist? Still sending questions like these?

and I think you really should respect the fact that they have all said that they get uncomfortable when being shipped with their friends

I guess we are, aren't we? Fine. Let's do this. Before we begin, please note that ONLY 2 MEMBERS have only ever addressed their shippers. Two. Not ALL. Idk who lied to u and told u they have ALL told people to stop shipping them. Shipping has been a culture in Kpop since time immemorial. It's literally part of their training. That's why they do fanservice, dum dum. V and Suga are the only two members who have ever shut down their shippers. V for Taekook and Suga for... what do you call Suga and RM together? Sugamon? Namga? Namyoon? Whatever tf their ship name is, I have no idea.

Anyway, let's jump into it. Bon Voyage season 3 episode 2.

One very important thing to note; Jimin understood the waiter perfectly. First, the waiter asked how many of them there were.

JK replied by asking for the menu

But Jimin replied; they wanted a table for 2

Second, waiter saw all the staff recording them and asked Jikook if they were camera men. Jimin for some reason said yes 😂😂

Again, JK did not understand and Jimin had to translate

So just so it's clear, Jimin understood that waiter very well. With that in mind, let's proceed.

So they go to order and JK with his limp wrist (bless him) drops his iconic "together bam"

The waiter points at them both and says "together? Alright."

Some people hear; "you're together?" And others just hear "together" anyway. It doesn't matter. If you watch the clip here you will see the waiter clearly gestures to both of them and says that. He's understood they're a couple which is why Jimin cracks up.

We have established Jimin was getting everything and he understood what the waiter meant but guess what, anon? He didn't correct him. Even if his English was quite bad at this time he knew how to say "no" but chose not to. Instead he just laughed it off. So, Jimin had a chance to shut down a Jikook rumor but... 🤷🏽‍♀️

People still thought the waiter didn't think they were a couple until an Army visited that restaurant and confirmed that was the case.

Remember when Jin asked them if they were a couple and again they just laughed it off?

Remember when RM asked if they were a couple since they were matching like a couple? Remember how once again Jikook could have denied this but didn't?

How strange anon. All these chances to shut down shippers and still they refuse to take them.

Jimin actually mumbles something after RM asks that but it doesn't get translated and even Kjikookers have admitted they can't hear it clearly. But I have heard a few say it sounds like Jimin said "we're married."

But since its not very clear, we don't go around celebrating and spreading it. Still... 😌😌

I am so confused as to where you heard that Jikook shut down their shippers. When did this happen, I wonder? Was it when JK had Jimin's ear in his mouth? Was it everytime Jimin tried to kiss JK? Or was it when they both admitted Jimin sucked on JK's neck long enough to leave a bruise aka hickey?

I've done it with my best friends through out my life.

Now anon listen, I dont judge people. Trust me, not only because the Bible says thou shall not judge, but also because I've had my fair share of slutty moments. So I will not sit here and judge you for sucking on all your bestfriends' necks and leaving bruises. How do their lovers feel about this, btw? I won't judge you if you get the urge to caress your bestfriend's balls just because. And I definitely won't judge you because you like to footsie your friends' dicks. All I can tell u is u need to be careful because it could get messy real quick. Because if someone did this to me it means they want to fuck me. And that messes with the friendship dynamic.

Idk what brought you to my blog. But I'd advice you to know your shit before you come my way next time. Have a good day and God Bless 🙏🏽

Bonus for my fellow Jikookers; Malta Jikook looking at eo. And JK is most definitely obsessed with those bratz lips 💋

#jikook analysis #ask shaz #bts ask #jikook #bts #jimin and jungkook #jimin #jungkook #kookmin #minkook #the fuckery #park jimin #jeon jungkook #if jikook isn't real then neither am i #jikook is real #bon voyage Jikook #jikook malta #malta jikook

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zee-stars · 2 years

Text

Reader and egos as love tropes

So basically I looked up love tropes and I'm gonna be writting the egos that I think fit into them :)

Rivals:

I'm thinking like Actor Mark after the events of WKM and like you guys go for each others throats but you were in love with him before WKM and you still kinda are.

Maybe also Dark but not so much in my brain.

God x worshiper:

Obviously god of night. He is literally a god and you are his worshiper. Do I even need to say more??

Has a dark side × loves them anaway:

Obviously Dark. Like you were there for WKM and after the events you always find a way to go back to him because you love him but he thinks you shouldnt cause hes evil and you're like "stfu"

Dumbasses in love:

Wilford x reader%

I think this one fits it perfectly. There is not much else to write about it. Just when I think of this trope that is exactly what I think about.

Sunshine x sunshine protecter:

Yancy x reader and probably Dark x reader.

I feel like for Yancy it could go either you being the sunshine or him being the sunshine I think it works both ways.

For dark he is definitely the sunshine protector. I can just imagine you're talking to someone and hes just standing behind you giving them a death glare.

Super cocky × tried not to fall for them but did anyways:

Illinois x reader. Man is so cocky. Like Imagine you are trying so hard not to think about him and his stupid smile or about how much you would love for him to hold you that you try to avoid him during adventures. He catches on to why its happening and then one day he just like kisses you or something idk. Idk about you guys but if that happened to me I'd just about die.

Friends to lovers:

Yancy x reader, Damien x reader, Head engineer x reader. I think this fits so many egos but these are my top three. Like when you first meet them you guys get along really well and become best friends but eventually you both catch yourselves falling for the other. Then you guys get together and you are the happiest ever.

Second chance:

Tbh I love this idea with Dark. Like Imagine you and Damien you're together or married if you would. But then everything goes down in WKM and you lose him. A while later you run into Dark and you instantly see Damien in him. At first Dark is against starting anything with you but he has Damiens heart and his heart calls for you so you start dating Dark and maybe get married again, if you will.

Fake Dating:

Damien x reader. This is before WKM. Imagine he is sick and tired of people trying to hook him up with their daughters or whatever at parties and one day he says he has a wife. Many people are shocked and they start bugging him about it. They ask for his wife's name and he says your name by mistake. They say that next party he has to bring you so now hes trying to explain what happened to you. You agree to be his fake wife for the night. You both have an amazing night and at the end of the night as he is bringing you home he starts confessing and stuff and then you kiss him.

Flirt x oblivious:

Illinois x reader. He is very flirty but you are kinda dumb and just don't pick up on it. He literally would say he loves you and you're just like "I love you too!" But he can tell that you mean it in a platonic way. Eventually when you confess to him this is how it goes.

"Look, I've liked you for so long but I was scared that you didnt feel the same way"

"I LITERALLY HAVE BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU FOR MONTHS"

"Friends do that"

"I SAID I LOVED YOU"

"Friends do that"

"what about that one time when we were walking through a narrow path and we almost kissed while you were pressed against me?"

"Okay maybe friends dont do that..."

Overthinker x never thinks:

Head engineer Mark x reader. Let's be honest. There is not a single thought going on in Head engineer Mark's head. With the captain on the other hand thinks to much. There is not a single second that they aren't thinking about something. Especially when they think about something going wrong with the ship. Luckily for Mark the captain is there to think for the both of them.

"You do realize that it's not supposed to be like that?"

"What do you mean? Was it not always like that??"

Talks x listens:

Head engineer Mark x reader. Kinda goes back to the last one. I feel like there are many times that the captain and Mark are together and he will just be rambling.

"Oh, I'm sorrry captain, I dont mean to be a bother with my rambling."

"No, I want to know why you hope the new plant has a beautiful sky."

Long distance:

Yancy x reader. I'm thinking like during iswm. Reader is up in space doing Captain stuff and they miss Yancy so much. They told him that they were going to space camp cause they didnt want to explain what was actually going on. In case he started to worry. But they found a way to still keep in contact and write letters. It was tough not getting to see him in person but they knew when they got home Yancy would be able to come with them.

Temporarily one sided:

I feel like this one could fit many egos but I like Yacny x reader the most.

So you stayed in the prison with him and you guys were really close. You shared a cell and spent all day with each other. You had fallen for Yancy. It was easy too. He was clingy in a good way and always made you feel heard and comfortable. You didnt know how to tell him. He didn't realize you're feelings and he didn't recognize his at first. He didn't think it was love. He didnt really know what love was cause he had been starved of it for so long. Tiny helped him figure out and after awhile he told you.

Fell first x fell harder:

This but with Damien.

You and Damien were very close. He was you childhood best friend and now you worked by his side. His crush on you definitely started around you guy's teen years. Mark and William definitely teased him for it and Celine tried to convince him to tell you. But he never did. Around the time you guys graduated high school, you started to fall for him. You were completely smitten by him. Confused by how you went this long without noticing. It was hard to keep it in, so you told Celine.

"Omg finally. Tell him. He is in love with you and has been for years!"

After you did and you guys got together it was easy to tell that you were completely in love with him. You're guy's friends (Will and Mark) teased you by saying you were worse then Damien. It was true. You fell so hard for that man. (We all did. He's so pretty)

Workaholic x clingy:

I think this one fits Damien x reader and head engineer Mark x reader.

For Damien he is the workaholic and you are clingy. Like he'll come home from work and be like "I have work to do."

"Is it due tomorrow?"

"No."

"Then we can take a nap first."

And if the work is do tomorrow you'll but wrap up in his lap while he gets it done. Usually you fall asleep while he's working and he'll carry you to bed after.

For head engineer Mark you are the workaholic and he is clingy. You can not get work done around him. Especially if it's late at night. He will beg you to go to bed with him or pay attention to him and if that doesnt work he will pick you up and carry you to bed or away from your work.

That is all of them. I plan on writting actual stories for some of them so expect that. If there is any that you just want me to write let me know and I probably will if I wasn't already planning on doing it. Also I found the best photo of Damien earlier and I want to share it with you.

ISN'T HE BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I WANT TO GIVE THIS MAN THE BIGGEST SMOOCH!! God I love him so much.

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astroyongie · 5 months

Text

Twice January Reading 2024

note: please take it lightly

Jihyo

Love: like on her last reading, she is still dating her person (someone who is way richer than her) and she is having he fun of her life. Happy with her situation, she is taking all chances and living in a perfect luxury at the moment

Career: expect Jihyo to have more solo comebacks this year and her working on things separated to twice projects. She is also cultivating and protecting her idol image a lot

Self: she had some rough time lately, and she is still trying to overcome this. I think we are talking here of a problem or grief concerning her family or something related to her family in general that she had ben trying to heal herself from

Nayeon

Love: I believe that Nayeon broke up with her partner since she seems like she has been avoiding them for some time now and she doesn’t want to talk about them. She is also having a inner conflict, wondering if leaving them was a good choice

Career: Nayeon too, expect her to have some solo activities this year and to do well. She is very sure of herself and she has been acting a lot like a leader lately when it comes to people around her (which can annoy some

Self: well mentally, she is having a hard time due to her love life. She is beau disappointed with her love story and she is really trying to withdrawal from all the feelings she has inside her

Jeongyeon

Love: her relationship seem to be going strong and it doesnt seem like it will end any time soon. Whatever conflicts they had on the past they have solved it. I believe that she wants to tie the knot with her partner as well

Career: I have no idea when twice contract will finish, but when it comes to her, Jeongyeon seem to have taken the decision not to continue once the opportunity is given to her

Self: she has a lot of burdens on her shoulder, either when it comes to her career but also personal life. All these responsabilties is what are fuckign up her head and putting her on an anxiety spiral

Momo

Love: She is in a successful relationship, and girl has been ambitious to take this to another level. I believe that the person she is right now will be the person she ends up marrying (or so, she believes).

Career: she hasn’t been very nice around, I believe that there was a fight/argument with another member of twice. Momo had been a little bit (a lot) cold hearted with that person to the point where she has been called a bitch by the other member for acting the way she was acting

Self: whatever the deal is she doesnt care. Momo sees her life forward and she doesnt dwell on things (which means she doesnt care). At the moment she is focused on continuing with her projects

Sana

Love: she is still single and not activity looking for a partner at the moment. Sana wants to enjoy her time as a single person, to have her adventures and to just enjoy her youth before she stays with someone again

Career: she had been some conflict with a member (momo?) since theres a lot of miscommunication and disahormny here. Other than that she is living her career peacefully although she wished she could do more

Self: Sana knows and is aware that she can be very egoistic but she has learnt that being that way is what gives you a clear path to success and that is what she is doing

Mina

Love: Mina is still going through a broken heart (so she did indeed ended her relationship) and for the moment she is way too pained to think of love or to even let anyone in at the moment

Career: when it comes to career however she is rathe lucky. For this year she has already a full booking with many projects that she will be working on (for both twice and her personal goals)

Self: she is trying ti be smarter in the industry, to see things clearer and hold some authority so people dont abuse their power with her. She has gained a lot in confidence

Dahyun

Love: she is between breaking up with her partner due to the lack of communication and time spent together but at the same time she doesnt because she loves him dearly. She havent done any decision yet concerning this

Career: she feels like JYP Is restricting her too much along with the fact that she feel like sh scant do anything while others can. She doesnt feel very happy with her career and more like stuck in something that she doesnt enjoy doing anymore

Self: she is very confident and she knows what to do to achieve what she wants and needs. Dahyun is very smart and she is trying to do things discreetly to get out of the bad situations she is in

Chaeyoung

Love: I believe that she isnt with her friend anymore since her status seems like she felt way too limited in her relationship and that she needed more freedom with her life

Career: she doesnt have much hope for her career. She knows she wont be able to hold herself as a soloist. As a member of twice she is having a hard finding her place as well

Self: it seems like Chaeyoung is dealign with a debt issue at the moment which is her prime occupation lately. Other than that she has been trying to take care of herself

Tzuyu

Love: single again, Tzuyu isnt searching for a partner since th relationship she stopped recently kinda of destroyed her self esteem and she needs now some time to fix her head

Career: I also feel like she is very dispointed with her career ( I see that she is having some issues with her sponsorship) and because of that she havent had many solo opportunities for projects that she wanted to complete. Also the idol life is giving her a lot of anxiety and depressive episodes

Self: going through a very tough period at the moment. I believe that her coping mechanisms aren’t the best and that she is self isolating a lot

#Twice #Twice reading #Twice tarot #Twice headcanons #Twice astrology #Twice imagines #Twice scenarios #Twice reactions

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eerna · 3 months

Note

My theory of why tpt is such a letdown is because HB had others ideas but the editor probably didnt like it and she had to change the book in the last moment,in a interview shes asked if some caracters from others series will apear and she says yes but they dont,EVERYONE WAS PUSHING THE WHOLE JURDAN VILLAINS and they used for marketing.They were to many gramatical mistakes and the book was to short,also im sorry to give you the news but holly told in one interviews that she plans to write a jurdan focused story again so probably we dont get Nicasia saphic story:(I loved the whole idea of to feel love is to feel known but i whised more from oak and wren interaction(i admit oak pining after wren was so funny and cute)Im going to be honest if the undersea story is from jurdan pov im not going to read it i love them but they story was already told,they already have they caracter arcs,The undersea book should be in the pov of somoane who has tides with that place(i will prefer to be in the pov of nicasia love intrest fighting for her hand and to be a woman)WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO NARATE????

Bro that's why I am leaving place for speculation bc it really DID feel like it took a sudden left turn into "what the people want" in a way that wasn't originally intended. Maybe by that HB meant we get to see Roiben and Kaye in the Lake of Masks, but I doubt it... And the whole villain thing? Jude wasn't even that horrible to Wren, she was very judgemental but ultimately listened to Oak right up until the final 50 pages. I too thought that it was a very nice that the point of the story was that you can't be loved without being known, I just wish we got more time with them and some kind of a breakthrough moment where Wren understands it, too.

And bro... in my Goodreads review I literally said I was terrified that she'd make the Undersea story about Jurdan... I mean. If that happens I am still gonna read it bc it's Jurdan. But I will be very annoyed. Like fr, why would I care what JUDE AND CARDAN have to say about a contest where the winner gets to marry Nicasia!!!!!!!! C'mon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be serious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna know how Nicasia feels about the fact that people keep going out of their way to avoid marrying her and then the only ones interested are in it for the title bc she is that much of an unbearably annoying bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#eernask #eernanon #eernask talk tfota #the prisoner's throne spoilers

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letters-of-libertas · 5 months

Text

I'm bi and yeah your note on women not having solidarity seems sadly true. Apart from not dating men would there be anything you would suggest to improve ones life apart from stating away from those women if possible?

I love this question because this is how to start thinking: being practical.

What it takes to "improve ones life" is subjective so with that said firstly define what a better life(style) for yourself away from moids would look like. Temporarily mentally remove xy terrorist existence. What would your habits/routine be? What would you work towards & pour your energy into? What would you want to be? What would you center your life around? Take your time with these questions or anymore that come up. Have a general idea then be more specific and start breaking your life down into sectors/sections/areas, then look at where you want to be in those areas and work towards it.

For example; I divide my life into 6-7 aspects:

Physical Strength - Not just about muscle but knowing how to fight, where to hit and when to fight. Being stronger makes it easier to defend yourself in altercations (especially with other women). Some mfs will try you & you cant always rely on others coming to your rescue. Also work on building stamina to help endurance, and keeping as healthy as possible.

Emotional Strength - If you cant control your emotions they will control you. In a world of chaos being emotionally strong will let you cut through the noise and focus on what truly matters. Building emotional strength is not easy but it's worth it. Being able to rise above immediate reactions and pace yourself will allow you to assess situations more rationally & make more beneficial choices.

Finances - Get your bag up. Having money to gain resources is imperative to quality of life. I dont care what anyone says having a certain amount of money in life WILL make you happier as you're able to meet your needs better. Having more money/resources also makes it easier to support other women should you choose to do so, it also allows you to be more influential and have more control over your life. However, dont become a slave to getting money tho because that's how you get scammed.

Network - The type of people you hang around can make or break who you are as a person. Aim to connect with likeminded women who will encourage & inspire you as you go on this journey. Hang around people that value & will be honest with you while giving you grace. Not all women you engage with have to be single & childfree but beware the moid crazy ones because they will bring danger to you in their quest for maIe validation. Life isn't perfect but you cant go wrong having the right people around you, valuable relationships are hard to find but it goes a long way even if it's just online. However, no company > bad company.

Spirituality/Guide - Having something bigger than yourself to guide you through the chaos in this world can offer guidance/purpose that keeps you grounded & focused. For many people generally this is religion/god. Not everyone needs or ascribes to religion/spirituality though, but at least consider sets of morals/beliefs to follow. However even that isn't for everyone. So if you feel better off without spirituality or a 'higher' guide at least be clear on it & your reasons why (for yourself).

Hobbies & Interests - As turbulent as the world is, find things to enjoy amidst the chaos. Constant work, doom, and gloom will not change anything you will only hurt yourself. Take time to indulge in things that make you happy to recharge & relax. Engage in hobbies that serve you, share your passion with other women & hear theirs out too. It goes a long way in terms of mental health.

Security - It takes privilege to decide to not get married or have children as a woman & live it out. Everyone's situation is different so what I'll generally suggest is to constantly look into how you can protect yourself, have backup methods, and stay in the loop of xy predation. Dont drown in it but moids are predators & being completely blind to them is being blind to danger. Elaborated on point 10 here.

Sounds like a lot? Great, it'll keep you busy because this isn't a vacation or destination but a lifestyle. And to be honest, some of y'all can do with the busyness as it'll let you focus on what actually matters. This not to say to overwhelm yourself in things for the sake of it but to prioritise your energy on effective things for your life. As you focus on building you'll find that you have less energy to care about insignificant stuff or stuff out of your control anyways. For example, Instead of getting wound up about user somerandomadjectivefem stirring discourse calling you an extremist or whining about how impossible it is for her & other women to live without romantic love n' whatnot (or even women irl pulling this crap), you either ignore or quickly shut down the conversation & swiftly move on.

Everything I've mentioned are just examples, you may feel differently do whatever you feel best applies. Also remember to enjoy the process along the way as you are living through it afterall :3

Long story short: Work on building resources & other aspects of your life up for yourself.

#Many tend to shy away from the single childfree lifestyle bc the traditional map/railguards aren't there but thats the fun part of it #for me is figuring it out; figuring myself & the world out; trial-and-error to carve an environment & lifestyle best for me #Few side notes bc I dont want the blog to be too long:#Regarding physical strength: I know that no amount of training will make you as strong as the average moid but it isnt in vain #as other women can also act up & there's a higher chance of taking them on successfully without weapons vs xys.#Regarding section on being busy: Personally I dont care for discourse surrounding this topic because my mind is on other things like making #sure my reps for the day are in; making sure I'm staying up-to-date with knowledge I need to do my job; building sources of income #outside of my job;engrossing myself in my interests; for example. You become productively busy enough & what other women do doesnt bother #you. That's not to say completely ignore or not criticise moid-aligned actions; but dont spend too much time wallowing in doing so.#female separatist #female separatism #blackpill feminism #blackpill feminist #wineauntmovement #wine aunt #decentering men

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cupoftaae · 1 year

Note

can u do something cute like reader has their wisdom teeth taken out and is all loopy and fluffy while tae takes care of them? :)

Hello! this is super cute thank u anon !!

Also, ive recieved some other asks and I will definitely start writing and posting them tomorrow!! thank you all for sending, I love your ideas.

Ice cream- kth drabble.

warnings-mentions of blood.

Taehyung stood over the small fish tank which resided in the waiting room of the dentists office. You had gone in a few hours earlier for the removal of your wisdom teeth, something you tried multiple times to get out of.

"arent you a little old to be at the childrens dentist?" Taehyung turns his head to see a smug looking 13 year old with crossed arms. He raised his eyebrows, suprised.

to be fair, 1, he was here for you, and 2, yeah...you were too old to be coming to the pediatrics center. He told you so many times to switch to his dentist but you refused, he just assumed they would drop you as a patient eventually considering you are now in your mid 20's.

"is Kim Taehyung here?" an older lady stepped out from behind the front desk to call him, grabbing his attention as he turned away from the weird child.

"thats me" he raised his hand

"great! Y/N is all set, she is just waking up now" the woman spoke, allowing him to follow behind her down the hallway which was filled with children's drawings and stickers. he smiled to himself before being directed into a room with another assistant.

he couldn't hold back his laughs when he saw you, now sitting up, in a reclined seat. "hi sweetheart, you did it!" he cheered, coming over and brushing your hair out of your face, noticing the puffiness of your cheeks and jaw.

your eyes scanned over him momentarily before widening them, suddenly remembering who he was. "tae!" you sat up more, "look what they did to me!" you mumbled before you reached into your mouth, pulling out a blood soaked wad of cotton.

"woah, no, no baby, leave that in there, ok?" taehyung panicked, turning to the nurse as she prepped a new cotton pad to place against your gums.

"did you see it?" you murmured, words hard to make out.

"yes, I did. how dare they." he shook his head and returned his seat next to you once the nurse finished, handing him your discharge papers to sign so he could take you home.

"can we leave, jesus christ, they are gonna kill me" the younger nurse laughed at your words, taking back the paper work from tae.

"baby no ones gonna kill you, ok? I love you, im proud of you" he beamed, scanning your eyes. "youre kinda cute" you smile, completely ignoring him and focusing on his hair and face. "gimme a kiss" you whined.

he leaned to kiss your forehead, "cmon lets go home and have ice cream, yeah?"

"ice cream?" you whipped your head around

"mhm"

you started to tear up, cupping his face as he laughed. "baby why the tears?"

"because, I love ice cream and I love you" you cried

Tae chuckled and stood up, holding your hand.

"dont laugh at me, youre just like them" you said, pointing at the 'evil' nurses to the side.

"they are very nice people, sweetheart, they helped get rid of your yucky teeth" he spoke softly as he helped you into a wheel chair.

"oh if you wanna defend them why dont you just marry them?" you mumble yelled in his face, making him shake his head and apologize to the nurse who found the situation hilarious.

"im already getting married to someone" he smiled

"who?" you gasped, seeming angry as he wheeled you out of the room.

"look at your hand, dummy"

you look down to see a ring on your finger, gasping once again

"what the fuck? we are getting married?!!" you shout, causing tae to panic and cover your mouth, "baby shhhh" he laughed once you reached the parking lot, helping you into the car.

you turned to the nurse who also had come out to help and pointed at tae, whispering loudly "im marrying him"

"oh he is a lucky man" the older lady laughed and took back the wheelchair once you were out and into the passenger seat.

once you were buckled, tae got in and began to drive home. you were restless and continued to whine. "hold the ice pack on your jaw, my love, it'll help" he looked over and moved your hand back up.

"It hurts" you pouted and tried (once again) to pull out the cotton.

"y/n stop, im serious. its there for a reason" taehyung struggled to keep you in his view of vision as he drove.

"you hate me!!!" you cried and turned your entire body to face the window, while he just simply looked at you with a blank expression.

"mkay" he spoke, turning his eyes back to the road. "no ice cream then i guess"

"youre turning against me" you spoke after a moment.

"baby, im trying to help you"

"you are turning against me. and then you will turn against Yeontan, and then your parents, and then when we have kids you will turn against them too and th-"

taehyung stopped at the red light and reached for your hand. "I know you are loopy as hell right now and dont even know whats happening but stop talking like that, I love you and your bloody mouth. now keep the cotton in there until we get home"

you glared at him and then stared out the window.

Of course this silent treatment ended the moment you were in bed and given a bowl with vanilla ice cream in it.

taehyung came back into the room to put a more firm pillow behind your head, as well as an extra blanket over your feet. He giggled and kissed your nose, stepping back to take a picture of you under the nest of sheets.

"you look like a little squirrel" he spoke, cupping your face.

"am i a cute squirrel?" you asked

"obviously" tae moved and sat next to you, kissing your cheek before resting his head on your shoulder. "is it good?"

"so good" you smiled weakly and grabbed a spoonful to feed to him, making him open his mouth and taste it. "thank you"

you both sat quietly as you watched tv before you suddenly spoke up.

"tae"

"hm?"

"dont ever make me go back to the dentist again" you threatened, pointing the spoon at him.

"okay, noted."

a/n- I had fun writing this

#taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #taehyung #kim taehyung fanfic #kim taehyung #taehyung fanfic #taehyung drabble #taehyung series #taehyung x reader #bts fluff #bts x reader #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts

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luvstruckmutt · 11 months

Text

RANT ABOUT PEOPLES WEIRD ATTITUDE ABOUT SHANE STARDEW VALLEY INCOMING!!!

saw people complaining about shane today and saying he is a bad and awful husband and they divorced him after seeing his room and that he becomes boring after he starts getting therapy because the interesting thing about him is his struggle with addiction and after you "fix him" what's the point of being with him And just?? Why?? Did you even marry him?? Like?? I dunno, people are allowed to have opinions on characters but so many peoples' opinions are just?? Really bad and rooted deeply in ableism and misconceptions about mental health/addiction and are super saviory??

I have said this a thousand times but you can't fix people. That's literally not how people work. You can, however, be there for people and try and create a safe environment for them to be able to help themselves!! AND THATS EXACTLY EHAT FUCKING HAPPEMS IN STARDEW!! Shane gets help ON HIS OWN because he is being supported by both his family and the farmer. And to see that just fucking fly over peoples heads makes me so mad because DID WE PLAY THE SAME FUCLING GAME?? YOU DONT FIX SHIT!! YOU ACT AS PART OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM!! (Which is very important but like) YOU AS A SINGULAR PERSON CANT FIX PEOPLE!!

I also just hate the "I can fix them" attitude because, at least in this specific situation, the people saying this are the same people who divorce him because his room is ugly or because he is implied to relapse and still is depressed??? It feels like the same thing as when someone has "spread kindness!" or "love each other!" in their bio and then is the most rancid hateful person ever? The room thing in particular makes me mad because LIKE WHAT DID YUOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO LOOK LIKE?? YOU SAW HIS ROOM AT MARNIE'S, WHAT MADE YOU THINK HIS ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE WAS GOING TO BE ORGANIZED AND SPOTLESS???

Idk like, again, you can dislike Shane and even regret marrying him. He's not very nice to you until you really get his hearts up there so he comes off as rude and abrasive. You don't HAVE TO LIKE HIM!! But so many people just spout hateful shit and it's like god, I hope you never have anyone in your life who suffers from mental illness because even though Shane is a video game character, the stuff you're saying and the ideas you have surrounding addiction and mental health are super toxic and weird and I hope no real person ever has to be subjected to them.

edit (put this in the tags but then wanted to add it to the main post):

#stardew shane #shane sdv #stardew valley #its like also #relapse is often a part of recovery. it doesnt mean the person has given up trying to help themselves or anything it just happens.#and people are so weird for demonizing it or chalking it up to shane not loving you or something??#i cant speak on relapsing based in addiction but ive relapsed on other things and i know that it makes you feel so disappointed im yourself #to on top of that awful feeling have someone who you thought cared about you get mad and make your crisis all about them must be so painful #again like Shane is a character but the things he goes through are incredibly realistic and mirror a lot of peoples real life experiences s #just think before you fucking speak ig #tw: alcholism #tw: addiction #relapse mention #mental illness #rant #cupid.txt #tw: ableism #🌶️

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

Note

hello 🫶🏻🫶🏻 can i req a peter parker x stark!reader who r also bffs (with feelings 4 eachother) where both of them have this little game they like to play with eachother where they make up like insane conversations and the other has to follow along until they get tired ?? like “oh you look fine even though you got stabbed by an alien yesterday” “u dont look too shabby for someone who had to give birth to a baby” IDK like anything u want but they didnt know that their conversations were getting overheard by the other avengers and once the avengers come together and talk about it they’re like wait.. why the fuck does it sound like [] have two children at home and are secretly married IDK ANYTHING U WANT BUT AS CRAZY AS POSSIBLE i love crack fics

TYSM <33

— 🦜

i've been putting this off bc i love the idea and want it to be perfect so i stayed up late last night and in my delirious haze i came up with some dialogue prompts and i woke up this morning and found it in my notes so here's the beaut! i lowkey love it thank you 🦜 !!

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞

peter parker x stark! reader

summary: at first, you and peter were like "let's see who can uphold the most ridiculous conversations," but bro... you don't think the sexual tension is a joke anymore, and neither do the other avengers.

w/c: 3.1k

notes: crack crack crack, fluff, swearing, many sexual innuendos (and also just jokes about sex outright) and swears (c'mon it's me), mentions of abortions and roe v wade in a humorous context, murder, cannibalism, and foot fetishes in a humorous context, one "ur mom" joke, if it sounds crazy that's because it is crazy and i think u should just read it already

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

you and peter’s friendship was anything but normal. well, you supposed, nothing could ever be normal for the two of us. peter’s an arachnid abomination and i’m the daughter of an egotistical billionaire who cosplays as a flying suit.

there were two ways in which your relationship was unusual. one: the practically nonexistent line between platonic and romantic, which everybody just always had to point out. the two of you had always been a bit touchy-feely—to be fair, mostly with each other, but were you really to blame? you were stuck in a tower full of traumatized assassins, spies, and people in metal suits; it wasn’t like there was any good cuddling options around. peter was a self-described “nerd and loser,” so girls weren’t exactly lining up to cuddle with him either.

two: you had a game going on (if it could even be called that). peter had a hard time transitioning into an “official” member of the team, so you, being the coolest and closest to his age, tasked yourself with the responsibility of being his friend.

what started as making up nonsensical greetings or coming up with more and more obscure versions of “see ‘ya later, alligator” had spiraled into a competition of who could keep the most ridiculous conversations going.

you were sitting beside natasha at the kitchen bar, the two of you nursing copious amounts of black coffee and sporting dark eye bags. (so maybe karaoke with katy and shang-chi on a wednesday night wasn’t the greatest idea you’d ever had.)

peter took a double-take as he made his way towards the fridge, looking perfectly refreshed and wide awake.

“lookin’ good!” peter clicked his tongue at you in greeting, smirking at the scowl on your face. he knew you would’ve flipped him off had you not been holding your drink.

“thanks,” you drawled sarcastically. “i’ve been trying this new diy skincare routine, where you use curdled breastmilk as a face mask for 20 minutes. it’s really helping with my dark circles.”

natasha, the woman who was never caught off guard, was caught off guard.

peter hummed thoughtfully as he poured himself a glass of milk, which he was now losing his appetite for. “20 minutes seems pretty short, don’t ‘cha think? i keep my menstrual blood mask on for at least 35 minutes.”

you scoffed, taking a large swig of your coffee and wincing at its bitterness. “yeah, well you should probably do it for longer. i can see your premature wrinkles forming from here.”

peter slipped into the seat beside you and smiled in greeting to natasha, whose eyes were bleary and unfocused. peter turned to shove his face close to yours.

“hm, maybe you should try juice cleansing. your skin is looking awfully dull today, unlike mine, which is dewey and radiant.”

you rolled your eyes. “sure, dude. look at your birdnest for hair.” you tangled your fingers through his mess of curls and scratched his scalp. peter couldn’t hide the content groan that slipped from his mouth.

“if my skin is dull, your hair is practically straw. unlike mine, which is easy, breezy, beautiful: covergirl.” you made a big show of preening your bedhead.

natasha made gagging noises. “alright, you two are disgusting. in more ways than one. can you please stop, because i’m so hungover right now and i will not hesitate to aim my projectile vomit onto one of your faces.”

you and peter looked at each other with big grins. peter shot finger guns at natasha. “eyy, that’s the spirit!”

you and peter found it especially funny to start these sorts of conversations in front of steve and bucky. not only were the two perplexed by modern lingo, they were also the most gullible two people on the team, which made them easy targets.

bucky and steve exchanged testosterone-fuelled jabs at each other in the sparring ring as you tied your shoelaces as peter sprayed his face with water. the two of you listened to the grunts of exertion and the various gruff noises that filled the air to appease the two supersoldiers’ masculinities.

you sighed, stretching your sore arms. you and peter had been fooling around with the gym equipment for an hour now, waiting for bucky and steve’s match to finish (and it didn’t look like either of them planned on backing down anytime soon). with a final tug on your shoelaces, you looked up at peter curiously, who blushed at your wide, innocent eyes. or perhaps he was just red from the exercise.

“you smell really good,” you commented, bumping your shoulder against his. “what cologne do you use?”

peter paused to consider his response. “it’s… my au naturale body odor. it’s cruelty free and uh, vegan.”

“that’s so earth conscious of you!” you gushed, running a warm hand up and down peter’s arm. though he was sweaty, gross, and overheated, he shivered at your touch.

“y-yeah. i haven’t showered in three weeks. it really enhances the… musky base notes of the scent. it’s very masculine,” he nodded as if he knew what he was talking about.

“well, it’s very aromatic. i like it.” you patted peter’s bicep definitively, jumping to your feet as you bent in half to stretch out your limbs. peter stared at your ass toned calves, and thought that he should work on his legs as well.

“oh hey, it looks like bucky and steve are done!” you pointed at the two heaving supersoldiers, who had stopped fighting altogether so they could stare at you and peter.

bucky mouthed “what the fuck?” to steve. steve mouthed “language” back.

peter was busy scrawling illegible physics notes as he, tony, and bruce watched planet earth intently. bruce was busy jabbering away at the “incredible biological discoveries” that david attenborough was narrating, and tony was absentmindedly filing his nails while occasionally poking peter in the back with his toe to correct him on a mistake he’d written.

“hey dad. bruce.” you caught sight of peter’s unmistakable form, hunched over the glass coffee table with papers scattered haphazardly across the surface and a bulletpoint pen between his teeth tha you found very seductive endearing.

“hey peter!” you squeaked. “it’s- uh, fancy seeing you here!” you blurted, cheeks heating as peter turned to you with his cute stupid fucking glasses.

“hey,” he raised his eyebrows. “you come here often?” peter purred lowly.

you gulped, unsure as to why he was bothering you so much today. maybe your period had come early.

“no, actually. i was stopping by to meet my real estate agent here; i’m loving this property,” you played along, tucking yourself into peter’s side.

“ah, well, they’re not here at the moment. i think they got stopped at security—something about smuggling exotic animals. but i could be your tour guide, if you want? i’m very… thorough.” peter waggled his eyebrows.

david attenborough began discussing whale mating habits.

“oh, are you now?” you challenged, biting your lip smugly as you watched peter began to stutter.

“y-yes, i am. and, as a matter of fact,” peter turned to pull something from his pocket. he presented you with a microfiber cloth. “i’m such a gentleman, i’ll even clean you up after.”

peter’s head was suddenly slammed into the glass table. tony had rammed his foot (not just the toes) against peter’s curls.

“stop sexing up my daughter, spiderling. i’ll take out your suit’s built-in heater.”

“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, mr. stark,” peter sputtered.

you giggled at his immediate change in attitude. leaning in, you murmured into his ear. “me, you, my bedroom, nine pm. i’d like that thorough tour.”

neither of you were sure if the offer was genuine.

sam had invited the team to a backyard party with his family, but not without warning everybody to watch their language around the kids. (it was an empty threat; everyone knew sam would be the first to slip up.)

you were “chatting” with a little kid; in other words, nodding along as they infodumped about cretaceous period with surprising expertise for a 5 year old.

you felt a poke in your side and screamed embarrassingly loudly. peter stared at you for a second, cheeks puffing and lips pinching together, before he burst into laughter. spit went flying all over your face.

“ew, you nasty! eugh,” you made a big deal of it. looking at the kid, you pointed at peter. “c’mon, let’s attack him! like a… brachiosaurus!”

the kid looked at you disdainfully. “the brachiosaurus was a herbivore, idiot. and it lived during the jurassic era, not the cretaceous period.”

your jaw dropped at the child’s betrayal. the mini-paleontologist toddled away, leaving you and peter dumbfounded.

“i sure missed a lot,” peter gaped.

“i- apparently, yeah.” you tucked your head into peter’s shoulder, fiddling with your empty plate. conversation buzzed steadily around you, but you and peter only cared about each other.

the two of you sat in comfortable silence, watching as sam teased his sister and as wanda was unsuccessfully trying to teach bucky how to use a pair of tongs. (bucky insisted that his vibranium hand could do the same job.)

“so, how many of those things have you eaten?” peter pointed his chin towards your empty plate.

“uh, approximately four.”

peter nodded approvingly. “four’s pretty good. you still hungry though? i could go for some food right now.”

you smiled evilly, untangling yourself from peter. “oh petie… i’m always hungry. i was skeptical at first, but damn, do these barbeque grilled fetuses hit. they’re gluten free, i think.”

you stood up and yelled over the table to sam. “hey, are these things gluten free?” you pointed to where wanda and bucky were tussling over the grill.

sam looked at you incredulously. “no?”

you turned back to peter. “well, you heard the man. at least they’re ethically sourced, though. better eat up quick, before roe v. wade gets overturned. fuck scotus.”

“yeah, fuck scotus. i’m all for womens’ sexual liberation. anyway, once you’re done, can you fuck me too?” peter deadpanned.

you choked. “oh, wow. you got me that time. i concede. i-”

“so, what’ja do for your art project?” you and peter were entwined on a common area armchair, you resting casually on peter’s lap with one hand pressed to his chest and peter’s arms pulling you even closer to his body.

“i made a collage of my feet pics.”

“huh.” you nuzzled your nose into the collar of peter’s shirt, taking a deep inhale of his cologne (his actual cologne, not his au naturale body odor). “for free?”

“what?” peter, much like everybody else in the room (who were all clearly listening but pretending not to.)

“i mean, you’re showing your feet pics for free? you’re spiderman, pete. you could charge so much for them. here, you can use my onlyfans account.” you began to pull out your phone.

“DAUGHTER?” tony roared from the couch diagonal to the two of you. whoops.

“…father?”

“can somebody tell me why my pure, uncorrupted, virtuous daughter is in the lap of a hormonal, horny teenage boy? god knows what the white sticky stuff actually is…” tony cursed under his breath. “and would somebody like to explain why the words onlyfans, peter parker, and feet pics are being used in the same sentence and coming out of my daughter’s mouth?”

you cringed at all the innuendos (intentional and unintentional) that tony had just dropped in front of nearly the entire team.

bruce choked on the sandwich he was eagerly chowing into. natasha choked on air. wanda was biting back a mischievous smile and steve looked like he was about to faint.

bucky leaned over to sam and loudly whispered, “what’s an onlyfans?”

friday rolled around, which meant it was time for the avengers’ weekly family bonding event. this week, it was movie night. wanda and natasha were clapping enthusiastically as sam and bucky danced along to the jingle bell rock winter talent show performance, which meant you and peter could snuggle up to each other and converse freely without fear of being overheard.

peter’s head was in your lap, and you were mindlessly scratching and tugging at his curls as you smiled at your teammates’ antics. even from this odd, unflattering angle, peter couldn’t help but think you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. the television screen illuminated your face and made your eyes sparkle more than they usually did. and he had the perfect view of your lips—so soft, sensual, always containing such happiness, always begging to be kissed…

“hey bug?” you looked down at peter, smiling softly with the look you seemed to only reserve for him.

“hi,” peter whispered breathlessly, heart racing at the nickname. the corners of his eyes crinkled in the way that seemed to be only reserved for you.

“uh, this might be a- a little forward, but what are your weekend plans, ‘cause-”

“homicide.”

“excuse me?” you squinted at peter.

“you heard me. this weekend, i plan on committing homicide.”

you sniffed, a little disappointed in where the conversation had gone but willing to play along nevertheless.

“that’s it?”

“what do you mean, that’s it? what are you doing?”

you smirked deviously. “UR MOM!” you burst into a fit of giggles that peter found adorable, so he couldn’t stop himself from laughing with you.

“my mom- my mom’s dead!” he said through cackles.

the two of you looked at each other and only laughed harder, garnering the attention of the rest of the team.

wanda opened her mouth to speak, but tony was too quick.

“alright, this has been going on for too long. peter, off of my daughter. daughter, off from… underneath the kid.” he cursed. “god, that sounds so wrong.”

“what?” you questioned, genuinely confused at what the issue was.

peter rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, a warm pink crawling up his cheeks and to the tips of his ears.

“what? the problem is, you two are discussing matricide in front of a team of superheroes, not to mention practically dry-humping each other in a public space! not that it would be acceptable in a private space, but you get what i mean,” tony gritted.

“while we’re at it, can we talk about how your daughter has a stash of breast milk? and peter has menstrual blood? where do you even get the menstrual blood, peter?” natasha shook her head before gasping in horror. “it’s not- it’s not hers, is it?”

you waved your hands. “no, ew, gross! on the plus side, if it were hypothetically mine, that would mean i’m not pregnant.”

tony glared at you, finger in the air pointing shakily at your chest.

“okay, am i the only person who’s worried about the murder bit? because i’m pretty sure the kids were talking about cannibalizing dead fetuses at the party i threw last weekend—”

tony shrieked. “excuse me? you just said you weren’t pregnant, missy. where are you getting the fetuses from?”

“i said, hypothetically, but anyway-”

tony slapped himself in the face a few times. “god, this is why we need to stock up on condoms around here. do you guys even have sex ed in school? i don’t care if the two of you,” he waved a finger between you and peter, “are doing the deed—wait no, i do—but please tell me you’ve had the banana demonstration.”

“tony, i think the kids are quite a nice couple,” steve chimed in bravely. tony spun around and gave him a withering glare, but the supersoldier didn’t back down. “i said what i said. well, peter should definitely shower more, three weeks is criminally disgusting, but other than that, they’re good for each other.”

wanda nodded seriously. “i can hear both of them thinking about jumping each others’ bones every time i see them together. it’s kind of annoying, actually. so if you just let them fuck, my mind would greatly appreciate that.”

bruce sighed. “the sexual tension is so obvious that david attenborough doesn’t even need to narrate it for me to identify it. it’s like when those two whales were mating…”

tony dragged his hands down his face, overwhelmed. you and peter’s hands had found their way closer to each other, despite your bodies being a modest distance apart, and your pinkies intertwined reassuringly.

“care to explain?” tony waved his hands around. “the sexual tension bit? the cannibalism? the feet fetishes? just… anything?”

“it was a joke, i swear, mr. stark!” peter jabbered desperately. “it’s… a game we play. where we try and come up with the most ridiculous conversations and then just keep it going.”

you nodded furiously. “right! and i’m totally the winner. none of it was real. plus, friday would have alerted you if i ever made an onlyfans account.”

tony stroked his chin contemplatively. “so, the sexual tension bit? that was also a joke?”

peter opened his mouth, “ye-”

you opened your mouth, “no!”

the two of you gaped at each other.

“what we mean to say is, no, it’s not a joke! yes, there is… sexual tension.” you widened your eyes at peter pleadingly.

tony mumbled angrily to himself, pacing the room as the avengers watched the live-action reality tv unfold before them.

“is there really sexual tension between is?” peter hissed at you.

“uh, yeah. unless you were being serious about wanting to thoroughly fuck me and also fuck me after i went through the entire supreme court, then no, that would just be flat-out sexual.”

peter pursed his lips. “right, okay then. you’re right. there is sexual tension between us.”

you mock pouted. “so you’re saying you don’t want to thoroughly fuck me?”

peter turned bright red just as tony turned to the two of you, who had gotten much closer to each other in the time that he’d been worrying.

“gross! i’m getting secondhand cooties. whatever, you guys go have a play date or something. just… please be more classy than cady and aaron, dear god. the teenage foolery in this movie is actually-” tony shuddered, unable to express himself with words.

“i’m still interested in the property, y’know?” you whispered.

“well then, can i extend another real estate tour offer?”

“absolutely. and i will gladly take you up on that offer.”

you took peter’s hand, the two of you giggling madly as you raced and slipped down the hall towards your bedroom. you heard tony groaning and whining from the common room before he shouted, “keep it pg-13 in there!”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

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