#no attachment my ass Yoda

[bb-eilish]

Dirty little fantasies

pairing; master!anakin skywalker x fem!padawanreader

warnings; Fantasies, pinning, corruption kink, virgin reader, dom! anakin, sub! reader, nipple play, creampie, hand kink, dirty talk, praising, degradation, cunnilingus

a/n; i’ve never written for anakin before but i love star wars and i love writing smut so here u go!

Y/n was honestly surprised she ever became a Jedi apprentice. She was much older than the younglings, but Obi-wan and his own apprentice, Anakin, pushed for her training anyway. The council questioned who would be training her, as all of the masters already had Padawan of their own. Her hopes shattered when Master Yoda pointed out the obvious fact.

She was told the force was strong within her , not sure what that meant, y/n smiled and became excited anyway.

"Master, my Padawan is surely ready for his test. He has my full confidence. He will be able to train her." Obi-wan stepped forward, eyebrows furrowed as Anakin nodded, a serious expression scorched onto his face.

The council all had similar curious and questioning looks, but nodded anyways. "Alright, we will allow it." Master Windu sighed, putting his hand up. Y/n's eyes widened and every fiber in her being felt on fire, this is the most exciting thing she's ever experienced, and it hasn't even started yet.

The three of them exited the room and immediately a hurl of thank you's and smiles gush out of her towards the men. Their faces softened as they smiled.

—————

Y/n was now an adult, though, she wasn't very young when she became an apprentice, only several years had passed. Anakin was a great Master and she felt very lucky. The way everyone talked about him was fascinating, they praised him left, right, and center. They even became closer than she expected, being closer in age than other Padawan and Master pairs made that entirely possible.

"Master, wait up. Why are your legs so long." Y/n complained as she jogged up to Anakin's side once more, she swears he can take two steps and be a mile ahead of her. He chuckles before saying, "You ask that every time we walk together." Her nose scrunches at his teasing. But at the same time, her heart skips a beat and she swallows quietly. Though, she tries her hardest to keep down the way her body practically yearns for him. The hardest part is keeping the thoughts, the oh so delicious thoughts about him, to a 0 whenever he's near. The force is amazing in so many ways but a real pain in the ass when all she wants do is day dream about him.

"Great job by the way, the mission wouldn't have gone as well as it did without you. You're becoming a considerable Jedi." He looks over at her as she thanked him. He can't help but think about how much she's grown while being under his wing. In power and physically. Anakin was no liar, he couldn't possibly deny the fact she has matured into a fully fledged woman, Padawan or not, he couldn't keep his eyes to himself. He had to push down the thoughts as well.

Anakin was fully aware of her daily thoughts. It made his day whenever he could know what she was thinking before she even entered the room. They were always innocent and random, until recently. Y/n clouded her thoughts much more, and at random times of the day and night, the hairs on the back of his neck would stand up, goosebumps would frost his skin and he had no idea why. The thoughts he could read were innocent in nature, but all about him. What he was wearing that day, how he decided to style his hair, certain things he said to her. His ego inflated each time and it made him even more arrogant and confident.

But alas, Jedi's were not allowed to become attached. He wondered if he needed to remind her of that, but he decided against it. Having a crush on him wasn't a crime.

—————

Anakin waited for her at her door that morning, he always does when they train at this time, which is only a few times a week. As he neared the door her thoughts became more apparent, at first she was busy with brushing her hair, then it was her tying her robes, and then they drifted off to him. He could see she was thinking about the time he had to help her untie the small knot she made in her robes. It made him smile, it was almost impossible to untie it. But his smile slowly faded as he realized her attention, unwavering, was directed to his hand. Not him untying the knot in general per say, but the way his calloused hand and metal one gripped the fabric, and how his very visible veins bulged through his skin.

He could sense how hard she focused on it, and how the thought of his hands sent her spiraling into day dreams. He was about to knock to end his spying before something caught him off guard. The waves of want that echoed from her, he could feel the stuttered deep breath she let out as she thought about his hands on her. How they would feel to prod at her most sensitive areas as he spoke downright sinful words towards her.

He felt like the air was knocked from his lungs as she thought in detail about the things he would say. The hair at the back of his neck reacted first, the goosebumps came second. "You're my prettiest girl , aren't you?" "Such a slut for me." "Use your words, angel." "You're mine, only I can make you feel like this." Anakin roughly shook his head before he breathed in and knocked on her door.

The thoughts ceased and his shoulders untensed because of it.

Y/n's door opened and there she was, smile as bright as ever as she greeted him. "Good morning, Master. A bit late aren't you?" She questioned, closing the door behind her with a wave of her hand.

He mustered up a smile as well as he answered, "Apologies, I was talking with Master Yoda." He patted himself on the back for not being suspicious as he lied through his teeth.

—————

Training was different today. No doubt it was about what he had walked in on this morning, but he tried his best to act like something wasn't bothering him.

Sparring was especially different, he was acutely aware of whenever he even placed a finger on her. She didn't seem affected at this but he knew. He knew the things she wanted him to say to her, say to her when his hands memorized her body, set her skin ablaze in their wake. It had a carnal desire simmering in his gut as he gazed at her sweaty form pant from the work she was being put through. So when training ended he made his way to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on his face helped the heat on his skin, but not the heat starting to grow in him.

Anakin fell pray to his desires, now instead of her imagining what it would be like to be underneath him, it was him imagining what it would be like to be on top of her. Looking down to see the look in her eyes as he touched her, made her his. The sounds she'd make as he stuffed her full. The mere thought had his pants tighten significantly. Would she cry as he stretched her out? Would she beg him to keep going? Better yet, would she submit herself to him, his mercy?

He manages, somehow, to collect himself before he leaves.

"There you are, Anakin. There is a last minute mission I need you and Y/n to do" Obi-wan told him as he lead him to the holotable. "Do not let him out of your sight, we suspect he's behind Senator Amidala's assassination attempts. He knows what you both look like though, so make sure he doesn't notice you." He explained further, Anakin nodded, going into serious Jedi-Master mode.

"I won't fail you, Master."

—————

After Anakin explained the plan to her she nodded along and followed his lead to his speeder.

"He lives in-" He pauses as he points to the apartment building they both come up to. "That building, there is two doors leading out, one in the back and one in the front. I'll take the one behind it." He parks the speeder where he could get in it quickly, but isn't suspicious. "We're close enough to speak through the force, so if something happens let me know immediately."

"Yes, Master."

He nods at her before speedily walking to the other side of the small apartment building. She pulls up the hood of her robe and tries to look the least inconspicuous as she possibly can.

—————

It's been radio silence for a few hours before the front door opens to the exact alien they're here for. She quickly lets Anakin know.

She watches the alien closely, walking behind him at a distance he wouldn't find strange.

Anakin catches up to her, both the Jedis watch the supposed assassinator from afar enter a bar. "I hate bars." She groans as he drags the Padawan inside the building.

"Uh, Master. Won't our hoods be kind of out of place in here?" Y/n points out, noticing the lack of clothes everyone is wearing.

"Oh, yes. Clever thinking, Y/n." He says, narrowing his eyes in search for the alien.

They both take a seat at one of the tables, eyeing the place until Anakin spots the alien, he's at the bar, downing what seems to be his 3rd shot. He stumbles a bit trying to get off of his chair. Both Jedi watch him go down the hallway that has the bathrooms, but also the back door. So, Anakin flags you over as he gets up. "Uh, Master. Isn't he just going to the bathroom?" She questions getting close enough to the hallway to peer down it. It's empty, aside from the usual couple making out on the walls. It brings a blush to her cheeks. No sign of the alien though.

They both walk further down the hallway until they both feel the door about to be opened, so Anakin does the first thing he can think of. He pushes his Padawan against the closest wall and kisses her. Trying his best to shield both of their identities, he pushes himself further against her and puts his hands on her cheeks trying to hide her face. She gasps in his mouth and her hands can't help but grip his robes.

She's never been this close to him, the feel of his skin on hers, his hands on her, feels like a dream. His intoxicating smell already clouds her mind. But the feeling is over before she knows it, the alien has walked back into the main area again. Anakin doesn't waste a second before following him.

Y/n stands at the wall still, hand coming up to touch her lips. That was her first kiss. Her first kiss was with him.

—————

The outcome of the mission was good, they ended up catching him and Obi-wan was happy.

The next day was training again for Anakin and Y/n. This time it felt so intimate, Anakin's touch would linger far longer than needed and he found any reason to touch her. It had her head spinning by the time they were done.

It apparently didn't stop at training either, Anakin would lead her everywhere with a secure hand on her lower back. He didn't comment on it so she decided not to either, in fear of him retracting the hand.

When he wasn't near, her thoughts were even more out of hand. Now, when she met up with him she was shyer than normal. A part of him regretted the kiss, he enjoyed it but he worried it bothered her. That night he made his way to her room, he wanted to talk about it without anything hearing.

And just like last time he heard her thoughts, here he was again. This time it seemed like she was already in the middle of her fantasizing. Before he could understand what she was thinking about, he knocked on the door.

It opened, the first thing he noticed was her big doe eyes staring up at him curiously.

“Master, what are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” He asked, clearing his throat.

She nodded and he stepped inside.

The second he was all the way in he could feel the waves of want and desire once more, but this time they were all around him and it was hard to speak. Anakin swallowed, looking into her eyes as he began. “I wanted to apologize for what happened during the mission, I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

She shakes her head quickly, “No No, it’s not that it made me uncomfortable. It was..” She pauses as she sits down on the edge of her bed. “It was my first kiss.” She flinches, she was always teased for not having kissed anyone while she was there.

He gulps this time, he can’t deny the feeling of pride that grew in him.

He sat beside her, contemplating his words carefully.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take that away from you.”

She turns to look at him, the only light in the room shining from her small lamp on her nightstand brushed against his face, making his features soft.

“Don’t be sorry, I, um.” She stops herself before continuing, fearful of her words.

Her master eyes her, “You what?” He speaks through the force, gaze narrowing at her sputtering.

“I enjoyed it.”

They both stare at each other, his eyebrows furrow as he watches her face. Y/n watches the inner turmoil that’s present on his as a lock of his hair falls in front of his eyes. A hand comes up to her wrist, it glides upward, over her neck, and up to her cheek. It cradles her face as his resolve snaps. This kiss has purpose, he hopes she can feel it. The way their lips brush against each other is erotic and she can’t possibly hold in the small moan that’s threatening to spill.

The jedi pulls away slightly to eye her, his mouth is parted as he takes in everything she’s silently offering. His breaths fans over her face and it sets her nerves on fire.

The second kiss is full of lust and want, his gloved hand finds her hip before he decides they’re not nearly as close as he would like. The hand on her cheek slides down to her chest and gently pushes her to lay on her back, though, his lips never leave hers. He situates himself on top of her and pulls away farther than before. Gazing at her lidded eyes and soon the pout settling over her lips.

“My prettiest girl.” He sighs out, reaching up to run a nail up and down her neck.

“Master.” She begins.

“Anakin.” He corrects as the nail on her neck drifts down enough to pull her shirt away from her collarbones.

“Anakin..” She obeys, even if it feels foreign on her tongue. “I need you.”

“I know…you should really keep your thoughts to yourself yknow that, Angel?” The name has her eyes widening and a smirk gracing his face.

“How could you think I wouldn’t find out about all the dirty little fantasies you have about me?” He switches hands so his gloved one is pressed next to her shoulder on the bed keeping him upright, while the other one meets her hip again to push the fabric of her shirt upward, Anakin eyes the newly exposed skin and tugs at his lip.

“M’sorry.” She breathes as a fierce blush settles over her face.

“No need to be sorry…” He drags his blunt nails up her torso as he drags her shirt up, goosebumps tickle her flesh as a result. Even more so when he leans down to hover over her, now, exposed breasts. It doesn’t take long for her nipples to harden partly from being out in the open air, but mostly because of him.

The Padawan holds her breath as he nears the mounds of skin, it starts with dizzying kisses up the valley between them and then continues with him teasingly licking around one of her nipples. She gasps, her bottom lip caught under her front teeth harshly.

Anakin takes a full nipple into his mouth and sighs as the sounds he knew would sound so pretty, leave her. Especially the ones where she moans his name in that breathy voice of hers. Her back arches and it sends her breasts even further into his face. He removes his mouth for a moment, only to envelope the other nipple and graze his teeth ever so slightly against it, he takes in her gasps and whines and they all go straight to his ever tightening pants.

He pulls away again, this time to lean up and kiss her. Messily their lips slide together, he even experimentally brushes her lips with his tongue. But she pulls away, “What are you doing?” She asks curiously out of breath.

“Open your mouth for me, kay?” His gaze goes back and forth between her eyes to her lips as he talks.

They kiss again and he does the same thing, so, she opens her mouth. His skilled tongue licks into her unexpectedly and Y/n moves her hands to his clothed chest for stability, well, mental stability at least. Anakin then sucks her tongue rather harshly and it sends moan after moan into his mouth. He swallows all of them gladly as he feels himself become even more worked up.

He would love to keep kissing her, he honestly thinks he could do it forever, but they must keep going. She whines and chases his lips when he pulls away this time and it has his eyes darkening. The shirt she’s half wearing is thrown somewhere on the floor as he dips down to kiss her stomach, down her belly button and along the waistline of her pajama pants as he hooks his fingers along them, dragging them down slowly.

The pink underwear she’s wearing has a frilly bow on the top and he couldn’t handle it. It was like he was opening up his present on christmas, his little, angelic, present that wants nothing more than to have him degrade her. How could he possibly deny that?

“Such cute panties for someone who’s such a little slut for me. Tell me, Angel, would you let me fuck you anytime I asked? Would you let me fuck you in my speeder? On the holotable in front of everyone?” He skims his lips against the hem of her underwear once more as he eyes her like a predator.

“Yes, yes, would let you touch me wherever you wanted.” She panted out, gripping the sheets beneath her.

“You’re all mine, aren’t you?” He asks, pricking the waistband with his teeth and dragging the offending material down her legs. She couldn’t speak, the sight and the feeling left her speechless and unbelievably wet. As soon as the last of her clothing was gone the smell of her sex was utterly intoxicating, so he did the first thing he thought of. Prying her legs apart and pressing his face against her cunt. Y/n didn’t have time to worry about her being the only naked one, for that she was thankful.

Anakin truly believed he could die happily right now.

“Maker, you smell amazing. Bet you taste even better.” He practically moans into her, the vibrations send jolts of electricity up her spine and it causes her legs to almost close. But the iron grip he has on her didn’t allow for that. Even when he licked up the expanse of her heat and suckled on her clit, her thighs were begging to give out by then. The new feeling of his tongue was addicting, the way he licked into her clenching hole had her head spinning and heart pounding.

“You feeling good, Angel?” He pants against her, opening his eyes to gaze at her already fucked out form. A moan leaves her as she nods. His ungloved hand lets go of her thigh in favor of circling her cunt and pressing his fingers against her hole. She chokes out a moan at the action.

His mouth only leaves her clit to speak as he fills her up, one finger at a time.

“So tight.”

It has her clenching and he hopes he’s able to feel that around his cock. The fire consumes her from the inside out and all she can do is take it.

Y/n’s moans become louder and more frequent, that paired with the clenching she’s doing around his fingers, he assumes she’s going to come. So before she can, he sticks in another finger and scissors them inside of her, coaxing out an orgasm the best he can.

“Come for me, Y/n.”

Her limbs tense up as her eyes clamp shut, said fire is spreading through her, every finger, every fiber. The euphoric feeling is prolonged as much as possible because of his fingers and the mouth still sucking her pulsating clit.

When she comes back down he stands up, gripping his shirt and pulling it from his body. In her frazzled state, she eyes his stomach, his abs more specifically. His chest too, the way it heavily falls up and down from his deep breathing is hypnotic. His belt is pulled off, and soon he’s unbuttoning his pants, pulling them down and off. She can easily see the outline of him through his briefs and the fire that was just released in her seems to have come back.

Anakin watches her face closely as he slips down his briefs and kicks them off. Her gaze on his cock doesn’t last long he notices, her eyes fall to his hand that’s currently gliding up her calf. He can’t help but chuckle.

“You really like my hands, don’t you? Even the metal one?” He smiles at the end.

She nods shyly.

So he takes a detour, his hand comes up to her face, traces her jaw, then traces her bottom lip with his thumb. Her breathing changed almost immediately at that. He wonders something for a moment, so he trails his hand downward, ghosting over the base of her throat. She bites her lip again as he loosely grips her neck.

“So pretty with my hand around your neck. Are you ready for me, Angel?” He mumbles. She finds it hard to speak, the intense eye contact is quite distracting and intimidating.

But she finally gets out a “Yes, Anakin.” After he swats her thigh with his metal hand.

The hand around her neck doesn’t budge as he settles in between her thighs and wraps a leg around his waist. He watches his tip tap her clit and tease her until she’s whining. He can’t hold up the act for long though, he feels like he might explode if he doesn’t push inside of her soon. The initial stretch doesn’t feel good, even if Anakin is pushing in rather slow, it still has her flinching.

“It’ll feel good, Angel, don’t worry. Just wait.” He tells her, concerned. She nods in return, holding onto his waist loosely. He keeps his slow pace until he fully bottoms out, he’s sure he could come right now. Her walls latch onto him like a vice and she’s so, so, wet for him. “Fuck, Angel. So wet and tight for me.” He praises breathily.

She clenches at that and it has his brain short circuit. All he wants to do is move, move until he comes inside her, but he waits until she’s ready.

“You can m-move.”

The first experimental thrust is intoxicating for the both of them. He was right, it does feel good. Just him inside her feels good. Every vein and ridge is felt and she makes note of each and every one of them. Another thing she notes is how deep he is, she swears she can feel him in her stomach at this point.

It doesn’t take him long to set a good starting pace, one that isn’t too rough but still satisfying.

“Anakin, you feel so good.” She moans, hips absentmindedly raising to meet his thrusts. The hand around her throat becomes tighter as he groans out.

“Flip over.” He says all of a sudden, pulling out. Her reaction time isn’t very good right now so she furrows her eyebrows. Far too slow for Anakin, so he takes it upon himself to manhandle her onto her stomach. She lays flat against the bed as he forces open her legs again. This time when he pushes in, the stretch is delicious. It has her pushing her ass against him, “Already such a slut for me.” He mumbles as he hovers over her back.

One particular harsh thrust has a loud, pornographic, moan leaving her kiss-swollen lips. He narrows his eyes as his flesh hand presses into her spine, moving upward until it reaches the back of her neck. It swivels to the front, lingers over her windpipe, and drags up to her mouth, pressing firmly against her lips. So firm that her head is lifted into his shoulder as he begins to jackhammer his hips into her.

Leaning down to her ear, he begins, “Such a perfect cunt for me, Angel. Gonna fuck you any time I get the chance.” He groans, grinding into her before thrusting again. The moans leaving her vibrate his hand and he can’t help but thrust faster.

Her brain feels like goo and she hopes he doesn’t ask her anything right now. But, of course.

“Do you like my cock, Angel?” He asks as he moves his hand for her to answer. She only whines and nods, hoping that’ll suffice. But it doesn’t. He smirks as he leans in again, “Use you words.” His tone has goosebumps prickling her neck as she tries to muster up something to say.

“Mm, I- I love it, mm, Ani.” The nickname gets him where it hurts, he can feel how close he is. So, he abandons her mouth and moves his hand in between her body and the bed, circling her throbbing clit.

His metal hand grips the back of her head and pushes it into her sheets, keeping her quiet as he continues abusing her leaking cunt with his cock and fingers. Just as he begins to feel his orgasm coming even closer she babbles and moans, “Ani, I’m, oh my god.” As she clenches around him sporadically. “Good girl, come around me.” She does just that and it pushes him to the edge immediately, his hips stutter and his groans fill the room, he pushes to the hilt as he comes inside of her. Filling her up until it’s leaking out.

They both pant as he pulls out and she turns around. Anakin places a kiss on her lips, once, twice, three times before speaking, “You did so good for me, Y/n. So proud of you.”

“Thank you, Master.” She lazily smiles.

#anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin smut #anakin x reader #star wars smut #star wars x reader #darth vader smut #darth vader x reader

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

#star wars #dooku jedi lost #count dooku #sifo dyas #dooku x sifo dyas #disaster lineage #lene kostana #star wars meta #rael averross #qui gon jinn #I'm being peak on my bullshit in this one. you're welcome and/or I'm sorry as appropriate

[thicctails]

My brain is smooth and full of Star Wars rot so have a list of aus/fics i'd like to write

Age swap BB Au; a grown-up Omega escapes Kamino with her four batch brothers amidst the chaos of Order 66 and they all become bounty hunters

Anakin, somehow, meets a force-sensitive Omega. Fresh off of Ahsoka leaving and chock full of mental instability, he sneaks her off-world and declares her his new padawan. He does not elaborate or disclose where he found her. Obi-Wan drinks twice as often now

Luke and Leia are eeby deebied back to the start of the clone wars. They have their memories but are stuck in very young bodies. Luke attaches himself to Yoda like a leech and Leia curses Obi-Wan with Another Skywalker Padawan. Neither really seem to mind. Maybe one of the inquisitors follows them back and ends up getting their ass whooped by a ketamine frog and his disaster linage

Omega gets to raise the batch long enough for them to have memories of her. They become a living nightmare for the Kaminoans when they remember her as adults and realise that their beloved sister, who comforted them and called them proper names in soft, careful whispers, was separated from them. This somehow leads to a clone revolution.

Another Anakin meets Omega au, but this time she asks him if she and her brothers are technically slaves because they were bought and chipped. This causes the end of the war because Anakin's Singular Braincell activates and he realizes that yeah, that kinda is what the clones are, which is then followed by him and padme absolutely obliterating support for the war while simultaneously helping the clones take control of kamino

TPM Anakin and CW Anakin set during the Rako Hardeen arc are flung through time and swap places, leaving a devastated, betrayed-feeling anakin with an equally devastated, newly Knighted Obi-Wan, and an unsure, clingy 9-year old Anakin with an Obi-Wan who has never felt further from his padawan. Both will benefit from this if they ever find a crumb of communication skills. Also the 501st have their Dad Genes activated by Baby General and frequently steal him from Obi-Wan.

#star wars #star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #star wars the clone wars #star wars fic #fanfiction #star wars anakin #star wars omega #star wars obi wan

[scottysketches]

[WIP Wednesday]

Another excerpt from Don't Dream It's Over, because I'm having a lot of fun writing this next section and I'm living for Anakin displaying any sort of insecurities over Obi-Wan's place in the Jedi:

“I knew it!” “Anakin, please,” Obi-Wan pleads, casting an anxious glance around the dojo, as though Mace — or worse, Master Yoda — were hiding just out of view. He had been making his way towards the refectory of the Jedi Temple when a gloved hand had grabbed his forearm and dragged him into the nearest room, met with Anakin’s expectant face. His former apprentice had scoffed at Obi-Wan’s attempts to rebuff the younger man’s thirst for knowledge — or blackmail material. “Don’t forget I’m putting my ass on the line for you, old man,” he’d reminded Obi-Wan, to which the older Jedi had snorted and wondered how that was any different to normal. But he’d relented, in the end. Perhaps that had been a mistake. “You can’t tell anyone,” he insists, feeling sweat start to bead at his temples. “If anyone found out, we’d both be in serious trouble — I for fathering a child in the first place, and you for helping me keep it quiet…” “Oh, please,” Anakin scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You only just found out about the kid! Surely they can’t punish you for something you didn’t know about?” Obi-Wan’s brow furrows. “I’m almost certainly already in trouble for going against Master Yoda’s orders not to intervene in Mandalore’s problems. No doubt I’ll be grilled over my… attachment to Satine. I don’t know if they would inflict harsher punishment because of Korkie, but I’m certainly not keen to find out, either.” They both fall silent, the tension in the room palpable. He feels Anakin’s gaze on him, and looks up to him. “What is it?” For the first time since their escape from Mandalore, Anakin seems uncertain of how to proceed. His mouth opens and closes several times, trying to find the words to express his thoughts. Finally, however, he casts his eyes down, and Obi-Wan can feel his uncertainty ripple through the Force. “Are you… going to leave the Jedi? To be with your family?” Obi-Wan stares at him. He had not been expecting the vulnerability Anakin had just displayed. He feels a weight in his chest — his own doubts about his path forward, his place in the Order… how Satine and Korkie would fit into his world. “I… don’t know. I think that’s a conversation I’d have to have with Satine first.”

[[Edit to add that this clip from Jessie is what made me write the bit about Anakin dragging Obi-Wan into another room for the Tea™]]

#wip wednesday #wip #fic wip #star wars #star wars the clone wars #sw tcw #sw tcw fanfic #obi-wan kenobi x satine kryze #obi-wan x satine #obitine #satine lives au #scotty's words #in your queue shall burn

[thecleverqueer]

Random Thoughts during The Clone Wars Movie:

*Full discretion: I’ve never watched this before. I’ve watched the series (some arcs I’ve watched an embarrassing number of times). I’ve heard people bitch about this being terrible, so I’m excited about it! Here we go!

*Clone radio chatter… Hmm…

*I find it odd that the Jedi would help Jabba the Hutt, but I’ll let it pass. Oh, but of course it’s Palpatine’s idea. Oh, trade routes, blah, blah, blah. Of course, it’s political.

*Wullf Yularen looks so young. Wow. All that dark brown hair and lack of wrinkles (or maybe the lack of wrinkles has to do with the primitive CGI).

*I love how Anakin and Obi-Wan argue like an old married couple. Like, dude… you’re being very, VERY passive aggressive. “Well, it wasn’t MY idea!”

*I’ve never really understood why folks always pet R2-D2’s head. Everyone does it. Literally everyone. Is it because he’s cute, or does he have some sort of circuitry up there that allows him to feel? Both?

*Through all my Ahsoka simping, I don’t talk enough about how much I truly love, LOVE Obi-Wan Kenobi. I adore Obi-Wan Kenobi. He’s such a bad ass. He seems like a guy that should be reading a book quietly in private library some place while sipping tea, and yet here he is out in the galaxy just slaying.

*Why is Anakin being the voice of reason here!? No! He’s right. It absolutely isn’t a good idea to bring a padawan learner into battle like that. It’s war. They’re literally children. You’re making them child soldiers. Stop it! Quit being crazy!

*Holy shit! Ahsoka is so tiny! Obi-Wan is like, “A youngling!?” Oh! Squee! She’s so ridiculously small! Ugh, they should have given the little thing Jedi robes... Poor little ‘Soka!

*Ooo! I didn’t know Ventress was in this. Maybe I did? I don’t know.

*I love Rex. When referring to Ahsoka for the first time, he’s like, “who is this child?”

*Hey! Rex and Ahsoka are having that same conversation from Rebels almost:

Rex says, “In my book, experience outranks everything.” Then Ahsoka goes, “Well if experience outranks everything, then I better start getting some.” Cute. For the record, Rex, she’s definitely going to outrank you… later.

*Obi-Wan is always so quick to surrender. He’s going to choose to charm/ sweet-talk/whore his way out of violence and/ or buy time every time.

*Yikes! Ahsoka f*^%s up royally when attempting to set those charges on that shield generator. She’s just a baby, so you can’t be too mad at her for f*^%ing up like that as she’s really got no business on a battlefield in the first place honestly. “Sorry!” Don’t be sorry, Ahsoka. It’s not your fault.

*Obi-Wan sipping tea. I love to see it.

*That conversation that Anakin has with Ahsoka about her making it as his padawan is so sweet. Then, they start playing Ahsoka’s theme… how adorable!

*Yoda says, “To let go of his pupil, a greater challenge this will be. Master this, Skywalker must.” I get Yoda’s angle here. Anakin’s arduous issues with attachment need to be addressed. It didn’t seem to matter much in the end though. I’d say he did let go of Ahsoka. It was his irrational fear of losing Padme that got him (that and old Palpatine being a manipulative cocksplat).

*The council sending Obi-Wan to make a deal with Jabba because he’s such a smooth talker.

*Wow. A bunch of alien heads on a gurney… This is a kids’ movie.

*Jabba calls his child a “punky muffin.” Interesting. What do the Hutts know of muffins?

*Do monasteries usually have detention levels?

*Holy shit, Ahsoka! A protocol droid calls her a servant girl, and she nearly slices it in half! Not that I don’t appreciate the moment of feminist rage, I do, but, hey, it’s okay there, spunky! Chill. You’ll be a Jedi… well, maybe… jury is still out on that one.

*So, I am 40 minutes in, and I’m trying to figure out why Ahsoka got so much vitriolic hate when people first watched this. She’s clearly stubborn, impatient, reckless, slightly obnoxious and a little arrogant, but she’s just a baby. She’s like 14 here, right? I think? She’s no more annoying than any other teenager would be.

I’m assuming that I’m not being bias here because I fell in love with Ahsoka in Rebels and she can do no wrong in my eyes, but I don’t think that I am? So, what was it? Did folks just have their drawers bunched up so tight about canon breaking or whatever? Could they not overlook her being a typical teenaged turd in this? Was it just because she is a girl?

*Ahsoka already has auntie vibes at 14. IYKYK.

*How dare Ventress force choke Rex! I love his resolve to not do what she says. Oh. Jedi mind trick… never mind.

*OMG! Ahsoka called the droidekas “Rolling death balls.” I can’t.

*Um… aside from “Ahsoka’s Theme” which always brings me joy when I hear it because… Ahsoka… this soundtrack leaves A LOT to be desired. What is this? This kind of reminds me of something I might have heard in The Power Rangers or that X-Men cartoon from the 90s.

*Obi-Wan flirts with everyone. This flirting with Ventress is cracking me up. Now Ventress is flirting back. Is this a ship!? It isn’t as fun as Codywan to me, but hey. Straight ships never are.

*I feel like everyone ends up on Tatooine at some point or another. It’s like a dust-bowl fly trap.

*Yeah. The soundtrack is f*^%ing awful.*Grits teeth*

*Bith Bands on Tatooine > Bith Bands on Coruscant.

*This queer-coded Hutt bothers me. I know I’ve seen him in The Clone Wars, and I know that Filoni tried to sell me on the fact that he was with Sy Snootles, but he’s clearly meant to be a flamboyantly queer, and I’m miffed.

The one constant with homosexual/ queer-coded characters is that we’re ALWAYS the f*^%ing bad guy. Do we make great bad guys? Compelling bad guys? Probably. Gays will go scorched-earth if the occasion warrants it. But, why?! Why must we always be bad? We’re not all bad! Most of us are awesome.

*He’s a southern gay, too. Damn. I just picture him in a swanky gay bar in Atlanta some place hitting on, like, the youngest twink in the room. He probably drives a luxury sedan and is paying for all of the twink’s drinks. Somebody’s getting laid tonight!

*What is up with that feather hat on this queer Hutt’s head? Oh, honey, no…. Why? Why? Why? Filoni should feel shame for this.

*And, what’s going on with that Twi-lek dancer back behind him to the left all but twerking? Get it, girl! Get it! Twerk it!

*Padme getting herself into some shit.

*Okay, Ahsoka calling R2 “artooey” is a little annoying… still not annoying enough to hate her guts.

*I can’t get over this stupid Hutt! Goddammit. Why doesn’t he gurgle and speak Huttese like the rest of the Hutts? Why does he sound like a giant slug from Georgia?! Why, Filoni, why!?

*Awww! Anakin putting his hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder at sunset, and she so stinking cute and small!

*There goes Count Dooku with his force lightning. Force lightning is one of those powers that I wish I had. No. I’d want force storm. To hell with playing around, I want to just lift my hand up and an entire room of enemies drop dead… that was always my favorite power in KOTOR. Just brutal. But, I need to stop. I’m being an evil gay.

*Hold up! Is this Hutt RUNNING a swanky gay bar on Coruscant!? FFS… Ziro shame. Absolutely none….

*Sigh* The luxury sedan is the Star Wars version of a black Cadillac CT5 with white leather interior and a wood grained trim, by the way. He barely fits into it because he’s a goddamned space slug, but he manages. He smokes cheap cigarettes, but only drinks from the top shelf. He has an army of twinks… he won’t remember the name of the one he’s getting wasted tonight... Dammit!

*Dude! Anakin! SMH. He just waltzes into Jabba’s palace and goes, “where’s Ahsoka?” You literally JUST SAW DOOKU’S HOLO OF HER ASS GETTING KICKED BY THREE DROIDS! So… you should have found her before you did anything else. Goddammit man, don’t be an idiot!

*You bring back the slugglet, but Jabba is going to kill your asses anyway (no, not really, we know y’all survive).

*Padme saving the day through diplomacy as Padme does.

*Final thought: it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared.

#star wars #ahsoka tano #the clone wars #count dooku #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #chancellor palpatine #obi wan kenobi #captain rex #asajj ventress #wullf yularen #r2d2 #tatooine #jabba the hutt

[starlightrows]

Today is my birthday and the return of The Mandalorian for season 3… welcome back to Krax Watches

Starting off strong with a reminder of the armorer being both cool and kind of a bitch

Ah yes, cults initiating children and —

Oh fuck! Who had space crocodile on their bingo board

Not Din rolling up in his new sports car speeder… missed me bitch?

Did…. Grogu just say “yep” ???

God damn what did they do to the planet that the entire thing would turn to crystalline stone?

Din’s really putting his whole ass into getting his redemption… we’ll see how long that lasts

Space bubble

It’s been a fat minute since I’ve seen Rebels but… ARE THOSE THE SPACE WHALES?!

Napping with papa in hyperspace?! 🥹

You guys I am so excited to see what their excuse for Cara not being there is gonna be… please please please please let it be stupid

Navarro is like so nice now! It makes me so happy

Twilek troop of bards, my beloved

Greef Karga looking like a fashionista

Good to wheelie chairs are intergalactically enjoyed

Oh right, people don’t know Grogu’s real name

Pirates??? HONDO IS IT YOU?!

Damn it…. not that lucky

Sheriff Din? Is there a problem here? … that’s very sexy of you Mr Djarin

Ooohooohooo cowboy stand off in episode one?

Din Djarin may be a Dad now, but that does not mean he won’t fuck your shit up

Marshal Djarin?! Hdylnn’s prophecy come true

IG-11 ….. we’re bringing back an OG

I wonder if he will still be programmed to be a nurse droid?

Lmao NOPE I was wrong

Din has attachment issues is what I’m hearing from this…. Attached to IG-11 specifically, attached to Grogu, attached to his Children of The Watch Mando Cult

BAD BABY 😂😂😂

Din…. don’t teach your baby how to drive

Did this motherfucker just say “Avast, Mandalorian”

Oh how I missed those baby yoda noises! He sounds like a toddler now

Hide and seek in an asteroid field… but like hide and blow your shit up

The pirate captain looks like the swamp bender from Avatar the Last Airbender

I love him narrating this to Grogu!

Oh look it Bitch-Katan Kryze

I’m here to join you…. wild

Wow….. the Mandalorians gave up….

Wow… Bo Katan gave up…. That wasn’t on my bingo board

Big words about “your people” did this and “it’s all your fault” that when YOUR ASS WAS PART OF DEATH WATCH

I don’t believe that Bo Katan gave up…. I feel like she’s lying or is gonna follow him there or some shit…

#The Mandalorian #The Mandolorian Season 3 #Mando Season 3 #Mando Spoilers #Spoilers #The Mandalorian Season 3 spoilers

[just-another-product-of-today]

Crack au where the Force gives Anakin a dream where everyone but him turns into a Sith/Darksider. He knows it's not a vision. First, well, it's too ridiculous. Second, it feels more dreamy/nightmarish than visionary. He brushed it aside.

(Warning: I literally don't remember the chronological order of everything I mentioned so I won't bother putting them in the right order + they might actually make more sense in a different order for that situation so it doesn't really matter. Voilà!)

But then Krell happens. Barriss. Ahsoka (when Dooku left the Order, he went to the Sith, didn’t he? And she hanged out with Ventress!) Billaba. Quinlan. Yoda (Anakin put a tracker on his ship during the s6 arc and regret letting him go when he sees the coordinates are of a SITH PLANET). Plo (it's the first time Anakin sees him use his emerald lightning). Mace (Vaapad. At this point he's really just too much in his theory and tries to find any excuses possible to make it work). Tiplar (maybe Tup saw something they didn't, something that showed she was a Sith and as a good soldier, he followed orders?) Ki-Adi-Mundi (All those wives and kids but 'not attached'? Totally building a little Sith army or something!) Kit Fisto (Have you seen this guy? Always grinning mid-battle like he loves it and can't wait to get rid of his Jedi robes on any occasion!! Ok maybe he's really, really trying to find excuses there-)

And Obi-Wan. He feels darker when Maul ever since came back/when he's around, which normally is fine cause he's the #1 foe of the dark, but with everything else...

So, at this point, Anakin is extremely paranoid. Think lack-of-sleep-ROTS!Anakin. Understandably so, as he believes that at least half of the Jedi Council are Siths/Darksiders! His (former) master is clearly on the brink of turning and Anakin might still hold grudges over his lack of support with Ahsoka, but that's still his brother-dad-master and he's certainly not losing him (too). Obviously, his next step is to go rant all about it to Palpatine. Who laughs in his face at the absurdity of it. Even that, the Sith hadn't meant to do and couldn't quite believe was happening. Distrust in the Council? Sure. Hate and resentment? Totally his end goal! But, this?

Unfortunately, it's the first and only time he's caught off guard by Anakin and he doesn't have time to smooth the boy's ruffled feathers before the other stomps away. Palpatine doesn't panic though because, clearly, between Jedi-that-are-apparently-dark and him, it's clear to whom Anakin will come back to later.

That'll bite him in the ass later on.

Back to Anakin though, he's heading to Padmé's apartment. Of course he is. Thoughts are also swirling. About Sifo-Dyas and Tyrannus/Dooku. About Fives. About, obviously, the Jedi and Obi-Wan. Even if it hurts, about Ahsoka, too.

But, he especially thinks about Sifo-Dyas. There's this teensy little detail he wouldn't have remembered normally but, well, nothing is normal right now. And that thing is that the one who blocked his file was specifically the office of the Supreme Chancellor. Not his Supreme Chancellor, obviously, but still. And then the Jedi want to cover it up and not tell his Supreme Chancellor? Supreme Chancellor who acts like nothing is wrong when Anakin tells him the Jedi are all turning dark? Supreme Chancellor who he recalls often gave to Anakin his disapproval of some of the Jedi views, which he agreed with, yet kept such comment to himself while in public?

Oh no, he thinks, my friend is manipulated by the Sith/Dark siders!

He pushes his speeder to maximum speed to get to Padmé quicker. When he arrives, he's a mess trying to tell her everything at once and it takes a lot for her to get him to calm down. He's still a mess, but a controlled one.

Somewhat.

The only thing that actually makes him really settle is to assure him that she'll help him investigate this, that they'll find proof of something, anything and get justice or whatever he wanna believe. Padmé, whose trust in her beloved mentor has been quite shaken by the war at this point and that has a great amount of trust in the Jedi, is not utterly convinced by Anakin's story, but there are certainly some things worth investigating even if she hadn't mainly agreed to soothe her out-of-his-mind husband. Also, the first thing she does after that discussion is to make sure he sleeps cause oh boy does he need it.

They end up quite surprised at what they do actually find later. Padmé probably ends up convincing Anakin to tell at least Obi-Wan because this, unlike their hidden relationship, cannot wait until the two of them actually manage to put their communication skills to some use between each other. Obi-Wan takes the deepest breath and releases the longest sigh Anakin has ever heard after hearing the whole story but cleverly decides to focus on the actual Sith issue first. The breakdown is also for after the whole mess and Padmé emphatically offers him a drink for now.

Then they get to work.

#star wars #sw #clone wars #anakin skywalker #sheev palpatine #padmé amidala #obi wan kenobi #yan dooku #count dooku #sifo dyas #jedi council #alternate universe #fix it au #au #crack au #no order 66 #sith #dark side #jedi #good soldiers follow orders #the wrong jedi #the lost one #clone wars season 6 #the end is a little lame but that's because I tried to make a fixit out of a random idea #following that is most likely massive clone dechipping and sith ass kicking #y'know the typical deal #because we love happy endings #of sort cause there's still a lot of angst that comes with the knowledge #but hey no genocide! #that's great!

[nevertheless-moving]

Star Wars Time Travel AU #29 - Frog Promise AU

Several years after the defeat of the emperor, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker is roaming the galaxy doing good, kicking ass, and hunting down scattered Jedi knowledge

He flies through some sort of force nexus. his ship crashes on Naboo in the midst of the trade federation invasion, shortly after Queen Amidala escapes with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon

has no idea where he is or what happened but invading robot army terrorizing people seems bad, even if the droids are really outdated

he’s vaguely heard of the trade federation

used to roaming the post-war galaxy and solving problems alone- a jedi unrestrained by any council or senate, or even traditional jedi values- which makes him 100x more effective and 1000x more terrifying

On top of that he’s a Skywalker- insanely OP even for a Force user. and he doesn’t even know it! ‘All things are possible with the force’ and no one around to correct him 

(Not to mention trained in Guerilla warfare by the best of the rebellion)

Basically by the time Padme makes it off Tatooine and checks her messages, she’s ecstatic to learn that the Jedi have already freed her planet and annihilated the trade federation army

Footage starts breaking across the Holonews and people are in an uproar because did I mention how terrifying Luke is

It’s the mandalorian hallway scene except instead of super special dark troopers he’s just mowing down bobble heads with toothpick arms

takes down the control ship single handedly and wow that was easy thats some stupid programming to link the whole army to 1 ship

Instead of continuing to Courascant they do a 180 back to Naboo because all the reports show the planet is free! 

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are just???? Never seen that guy before??

...time travel revelation and confusion...plot...

EVENTUALLY this leads to Terrifying Mysterious Master Jedi Luke eagerly showing up to the temple like ‘I promised Master Yoda I’d return to complete my training’ also “I brought him these swamp frogs, I remember him mentioning he liked the ones from Naboo” and pulls a live frog from his pocket

"Took long enough, you did” Yoda says. No idea who this guy is but he likes his vibe because Luke is attached but he’s so firmly in the light and he somehow knows Yoda's absolute most feral inner self

Grandmaster Yoda eats the frog in front of the increasingly distressed Council

29 year old Master Luke “...um..S...vader” is running around happily with braid and terrible padawan haircut while the order is trying to fend off the media and an insane amount of trade federation lawsuits

#star wars #star wars au #my au #sw #frog promise au #star wars au no 29 #time travel #luke skywalker #luke skywalker eats frogs

[shadowmaat]

Ugh

Spoilers for episode 6 of Book of Boba Fett, AKA Mandalorian s2.5, ep 2.

I'm a bit... frustrated with the writing of this ep.

First of all, I thought we as a fandom were trying to clarify that "no attachments" meant "no toxic possessive attachments" and not "you aren't allowed to have any family or contact outside the Jedi." So how come no one sent that memo to Filoni?

Second of all, Luke is acting like an absolute jackass. Even setting aside the hypocrisy of Luke "Sorry Master Yoda I must go save my friends" Skywalker telling Grogu he has to choose one over the other, there's the whole fact that he is asking this of a literal toddler. WTF, Luke? Unless Grogu is secretly 12-ish and has been pretending to be baby, young children aren't really good at making life-altering informed decisions, let alone young children WHO HAVE ALREADY BEEN SEVERELY TRAUMATIZED.

Ugh. What an ass. Both Luke and the hack that wrote him that way.

I think I'll just stick with fandom's version of things. They tend to make Luke WAY too twinky, but at least he doesn't try to force a little kid to choose between the man who saved and protected him and the training he desperately needs so he won't accidentally hurt anyone.

Maybe instead of telling a little kid "you're far too attached, bye bye" you should, I dunno, try to work with them so they can understand their feelings and overcome their possessive impulses. But no, I guess if you've reached the age of 5 (or whatever equivalent Grogu is) you're already a lost cause.

#tbobf spoilers #bobf spoilers

[100hearteyes]

any more thoughts on 'clarke and lexa make a porno'?

🤔😏

Part 1 Part 2

“Last but not least, worry no more, citizens of Capitola: after a grueling week of searching, our very own superhero Jasper Jordan has finally found his cape. He was wearing it all along.”

“It’s so good to know that he will be able to go on keeping Capitola safe.”

“Yes, what would we do without Jasper Jordan here to protect us? And from now on, you’ll be in Lexa Woods’s hands. Also, such good hands those are. She’s got very long fingers.”

“Oh. Well, I never actually noticed, but I guess they are. Thanks, Clarke. And now, perk your ears for the new hit single from our very own global country star, Harper McIntyre. It’s called Call Me Harp-by. She’s a creative genius!”

-

Lexa’s first instinct when she hears the studio door open is to hide. She checks her options: Monty is holed up under his desk playing on his GameBoy Color, Octavia has barricaded herself in a corner with actual hand-carved sticks and is roaring at Bellamy in a strange language, and Murphy is probably peeing into a bin behind the pillar on the far side of the room.

She’s too slow to think of a solution in the end and she can’t do anything but flush when Clarke strolls in and heads over to her, smirk plastered on her face. Lexa only has time to save her miniature Baby Yoda from Clarke’s weapon of ass destruction before her coworker sits on the edge of her desk.

“Hey, Lexa.”

Lexa forces a polite smile, trying to focus on her outline for the day rather than the butt cheeks planted on her desk, the body attached to them, or the face looking down at her with a sly grin. “Hello, Clarke.”

“What do you think of Harper McIntyre’s new song?”

The topic confuses her, but she trudges on with a brave face. After all, she’s got opinions on Capitola’s Taylor Swift rip-off and if Anya is going to make it a point of leaving the room every time Lexa so much as mentions them, then she’s going to take this opportunity with both hands and pull out all the receipts. “Uninspired. Derivative. Oddly reminiscent of Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.”

“Yeah...” Clarke nods pensively, letting the subsequent silence drag on for a few more seconds. “I like your fingers.”

Lexa starts at the sudden topic change and struggles to keep her blush under control under the brazen intensity of Clarke’s stare. “Yes, I- I noticed. You mentioned. On the radio, for all of Capitola to hear. Thank you, I guess?”

Clarke hums, before clicking her tongue and hopping off of Lexa’s desk. She roundabouts it until she’s right next to Lexa, thigh brushing Lexa’s arm.

Lexa tries and fails to swallow down the knot in her throat as Clarke sits on her desk again, this time on her side, crossing her legs so her feet touch Lexa’s leg.

“So a little bird told me we’re starring in a porno together.”

Lexa almost yelps, scrambling out of her chair to fasten both hands over Clarke’s mouth. “The whole world doesn’t need to know, Clarke!”

Clarke rolls her eyes, but Lexa can feel her smile under her hands. Their eyes lock, a tacit understanding passing between them. Clarke's eyes are a vivid blue, like a cloudless sky or the color of Lexa's highlighters before Anya dunked them all in a bag of manure, and it's hard not to drown in the depths of them.

"Glad to see you two getting intimate already."

They spring apart as though they were burned. Lexa sits back down on her chair, while Clarke takes a seat at her desk, which to Lexa's chagrin is right next to her own. Anya chuckles as she sinks into her own chair, propping her feet on Lexa's desk, crossed at the ankles.

"Anyway," she slams a hand over a stack of papers, making Clarke and Lexa jump in their seats, "can you guess what this is?"

Clarke and Lexa look at each other with raised eyebrows, then at Anya. Lexa shrugs.

"This is your fucking Bible," Anya says, not waiting for them to guess. "Your Dianetics.Your Loose Canon. Your gospel." At her companions' still expectant stares, Anya heaves a dramatic sigh, throwing her arms up. "It's the goddamn screenplay."

Oh.

Oh.

It's like the snap of an elastic band. Lexa and Clarke shoot out of their chairs to snatch the script from Anya's desk. Lexa gets there first (going to the gym does pay off after all), dribbling around Clarke, and lets out a triumphant cry before sinking back into her chair, thumbing through the pages of the heavy tome.

She stops on a random page and feels Clarke press closer to read over her shoulder.

-

INT. BLONDIE'S KITCHEN - TWILIGHT

Enter Lulu. Plumber by day, detective by night. She stops by the island and twirls a lead pipe in her right hand before sheathing it like a cowboy's pistol.

LULU

It seems it's time to read your...

Lulu puts on her shades. ZOOM IN.

LULU (CONT'D)

...Anya rights.

-

Lexa balks, peeling her eyes from the page to gape at Anya.

"Anya rights? Anya rights? You can't just... Arbitrarily rename the Miranda rights. They have that name for a reason."

Anya rolls her eyes like Lexa just said something obnoxiously stupid. "I didn't just rename them, you dumbass. I fucking changed them. If you'd read the whole thing, you would know that the suspect has the obligation to remain silent. No more fucking cry babies in cuffs."

"This is..." Lexa opens and closes her mouth like a fish, trying to find a thread of logic in the midst of... Whatever fever dream she's living in right now. "I thought we were filming a porno, not a sexy cop movie. Plumber by day, detective by night? That's- it's not even remotely realistic."

"Lexa... Suspend your disbelief."

"I think it's really good stuff," Clarke chimes in, her breasts still firmly pressed to Lexa's shoulder blade.

"Thank you, Clarke!" Anya exclaims, throwing her hands up and letting them fall on her legs with a loud clap. "At least someone appreciates my genius."

Lexa rolls her eyes, but fine. Fine. She will read more; she will give Anya a chance. She opens the book on a new page, several scenes ahead.

-

INT. BLONDIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Blondie rubs her lover's love button like she's scratching at a turn-table, making Lulu scream louder than Saoirse Ronan in Ammonite when Kate Winslet was eating her out with her neck.

LULU

Oh, fuck! You're so good at this! Almost as good as my awesome best friend and mentor Anya, even though I've never had sex with her because that would be totally gross.

Blondie stops her ministrations to look up at Lulu and smirks.

BLONDIE

I know. After all, they don't call me DJ Diddles for nothin'.

-

Lexa stares incredulously from the two hundred-odd pages to Anya, wondering how grave a sin she must have committed in a past life to deserve this.

"What are you, a sex-deprived straight guy?"

Anya scoffs, yanking the script from Lexa's hands before she can do anything to stop it. "I can assure you there is no deprivation in that department."

"After reading that I am seriously starting to doubt that you've ever even seen a vagina."

"I thought it was good," Clarke pipes in once again. This time, Lexa turns to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Is she paying you to say that?"

Clarke tsks with a smirk. "I'm just smart enough to know better than to get on the lead producer's bad side."

Anya snaps her fingers and points at Clarke approvingly, and Lexa has never regretted a decision so deeply in her life.

"Anyway," Clarke resumes, standing up and grabbing her bag. "This has been fun, but I need to get going. Anya, stay classy. We'll work out the schedule this week. Lexa," she adds, her voice dropping a tone to turn into a seductive purr. She leans down, and it's all Lexa can do not to focus on how her breasts squish together and seem to become fuller and more inviting. She loses the plot when a pair of lips presses to her cheek in a kiss that is chaste, yet way too slow for propriety. "See you tomorrow."

Lexa's throat is dry as a desert as she watches Clarke leave, her hips swaying more than usual. She jumps in place when Anya clears her throat next to her. This time, she can't avoid her friend's shit-eating grin.

"No chemistry, you say?"

"Shut up, Anya," she grumbles, focusing back on her work. She has a full, five-minute newscast to prepare, she can't dawdle and joke around gossiping like some people. But then a thought pops up in her head and she turns to Anya, eyes narrowed. "Is this some elaborate plan to get us together? I refuse to be your little Love, Actually experiment."

Anya's stare is fifty shades of unimpressed. "Lexa. Don't take yourself so seriously. It's a bad look on you."

Lexa buries her face in her hands with a long-suffering sigh. Why is this her life? Why is this her best friend? Why is she hopelessly attracted to the worst, most unprofessional coworker on the planet?

"Why couldn't you find a normal hobby? Something that doesn't include me? Like baking. Baking would have been so much better."

"You know," Anya drawls almost nostalgically, "I actually considered that, but the criminally inclined baker niche was already taken up by Martha Stewart."

"She is surprisingly niche," Lexa says, intrigued.

"Indeed."

"But she's also able to appeal to a larger audience."

"Uh-huh."

"Fascinating."

"I know. It's like Punkya. You'd think a lesbian erotica magazine would only appeal to queer women and depraved straight men, but it's been selling surprisingly well amongst the straight female demographic."

Hm. Are all women secretly queer?

"Interesting," Lexa concedes, before veering the topic back to Anya's passion (and Lexa's torture) project. "So when does principal photography start?"

And there it is again, that nefarious gleam in Anya's eyes. It grows along with her Cheshire cat grin, curling and curling until it's pure, unbridled evil.

"Next week."

#calmap #clarke and lexa make a porno #my fics #clexa #clexa fic #clexa fanfic #clexa fanfiction #mine #ask #anon

[lady-une]

They Always Leave

This is something I wrote just to process my feelings about a guy. Nothing fanfic related at all. Honestly probably just a pile of emotions horribly written. But if you read it enjoy. It made me cry.

Trigger warning that this does mention drug use but honestly this stuff isn’t a drug.

Loud laughter and music could easily have been heard by anyone who happened to drive by or park near the crazy looking Toyota. For inside the Toyota held three friends, who were just doing their normal Scooby gang shit of smoking and listening to music. Their bellies were full having just engorged themselves on wings, cheese curds, and waffle fries.

The night was setting up to be a normal night for the trio, nothing to crazy. The only thing out of the ordinary was that a special appearance was to be made by a man who once partook in these normal nights. A man who’s laughter lifted one of the girls spirit. A man who did stupid shit all the time just to make people laugh. A man who’s darkness matched Alice’s. He was everything she wanted all rolled up in one stupid motherfucker.

When Alice had first met Caleb he was just some random guy who had tagged along with another guy her best friend had been seeing. Everyone knew of him as alibi, he was just some stupid redneck man. Not at all what Alice was attracted to. Yet the more time she spent with him the more that stupid redneck grew on her. She told herself it was nothing, chalked her emotions up to him just being a challenge. She knew he didn’t like big girls, he preferred his woman small and red headed. It was fine, everyone had their preference in a mate. Hell Alice had her own and this man didn’t hit any requirement.

But something changed. The playful teasing and remarks changed. She started to see him differently. An attraction started to slowly build deep in her gut. Small little hugs became more. Being so close to him that she could feel his breath on her cheek as they spoke silly things to one another about what they were doing. The urge to kiss him started to grow. The day dreams of him professing his attraction started to become recurring. The way he looked at her, it made her second guess everything. Was that smile different? Did he always follow me with his eyes? She started to ask around to see if anyone else had noticed anything or if it was all in her girly imagination. Some said he was just being friendly and a few said he probably had feelings too.

Alice had a way of showing her affection. Some call it a love language but in all honesty it was just childhood trauma and her way of trying to buy affection. To keep someone from leaving, because Alice knew they all left in the end. She had slowly started to gift him things. It started out small, a sex toy since he had been in a two year dry spell. She had taped it up with two containers of gorilla tape. She had joked saying it was to mimic being at a bar and having to work for that piece of ass. Then she had found out his favorite beer. Of course it would be a seasonal one, just like her who had a love of a hard to find seasonal liquor. She checked daily for the beer to come in stock and finally when it did she bought 3 cases knowing it wouldn’t last long but it would put a smile on his face.

For his birthday she had requested the day off work. The idea had formed to drive the hour long drive to his job and tape his truck up with clear wrap and then attach birthday balloons. Then meet him and his friend Greg at the bar for a birthday lunch. There she would give him his gift, a shirt. Nothing extravagant, just one from his favorite online brands that supported the troops. Yet that whole plan had been lost. Gone in an instant. Lies and deceit had caused her to part ways with her once close friend Greg. Caleb was a causality as her best friend had called it. Alice hated it, she didn’t want to part from Caleb.

The birthday shirt had sat days in her room at the end of her bed. Still in the delivery packaging. Alice would have just dropped it off in the bed of his truck had she known his address. Instead after a night of smoking and drinking she had finally texted him. Letting him know she had his gift, letting him know how much she missed him. With the dawn of the next day came sobriety and realization of how stupid she was. Quickly opening the chat she saw he had not seen the messages, this was her chance to right the wrong. With a click of her finger she unsent the messages to Caleb. It wasn’t until later in the day that Caleb had finally opened the chat up and saw that she had unsent the messages and called her out on it.

Alice confessed that she had texted him some stupid ramblings about the boxing match she had seen. A bold face lie but there was no way in hell she would confess her feelings to him sober. Instead she lied and then asked to meet so she could give him his birthday gift early. He had agreed to meet her while she was out with her friends. A quick drive by and it would be fine. Or that’s what Alice had told herself.

The margarita she had in the restaurant had calmed her nerves. The devils lettuce she was smoking had made her even more calm. This would be fine, she repeated her mantra “it’s fine” over and over in her head. A quick in and out.

It wasn’t long before she received the text that he was pulling up and asked where to park. She told him to look for the Yoda mobile and loud music. He replied back with a simple “LOL” and then she heard his loud truck before she saw it. Looking at her friends she smiled before getting out of the car with the gift. Caleb had parked two spots to the left of car and was climbing out of it by the time she reached him. The man wore his standard wranglers and brown boots with his KORN t-shirt and hat.

Alice laughed before nervously saying, “I should have bet on KORN instead of the fuck your feelings shirt.”

“That shirt was dirty, this was the nearest shirt.” Caleb replied with a half smile on his face.

Alice looked up at him trying to decipher what his eyes were possibly saying behind his dark sunglasses. A memory of a time earlier that summer where she yelled at him to take those damn shades off so she can see that he was looking at her while she talked to him popped in her head. To an outsider it would look like she was being mean to him but that was how they were. They would loudly bicker and cuss one another out with a smile on their faces.

“Well now you have a new shirt. Sorry I didn’t get you those jeans you wanted, you know shit just got weird and I felt weird texting you to ask about the jeans.”

“You didn’t have to.” Caleb replied as he took the colorfully bright pink Disney princess bag from Alice’s outstretched hand. He looked at the bag and back to her with a smile.

“Don’t give me that look, I saw it at target and the damn thing screamed ‘Caleb’ so I had to buy it. Now go on and open it!”

Caleb shook his head as he opened the bag up, sifting through the pink and blue tissue paper Alice had stuffed into it. When Caleb finally had the shirt in hand he tossed the princess bag into the bed of his truck and unfolded the shirt to hold it up and inspect it.

“I fucking love it Alice!” He shouted as he looked at the shirt that had bullets in the shape of a hand flicking you off.

“I wasn’t sure if I should get that one or the one with all the fish on it that said size matters. But Greg said to get this one.”

“Well I love it, thank you!”

Caleb opened his arms and Alice fell right into them wrapping her arms around his back and taking comfort in his hold. It had been too long since she got to hold her favorite person. She often dreamt of him holding her and it felt just as good as her dreams.

“Come on Alice, say your goodbyes. He is a casualty.” Yelled out Alice’s best friend from the back of the Toyota affectively killing Alice’s moment with Caleb.

“Casualty?” Caleb asked.

Alice pulled away but held on with just one hand to his KORN shirt, “Just ignore her.”

“Mmmhmm. How are things going with that?” Caleb inquired.

Before Alice could give him an answer her other friend yelled from the driver seat in his Yoda voice “Say your goodbyes and lets go.”

Alice looked from Caleb to her friends in the car and stomped her foot as she yelled “I wanna keep this one!”

The car of friends broke out in a laughter knowing that she was referencing a TikTok they had all seen hundreds of times. They thought she was being funny, they knew she had a crush on Caleb but she had meant it. She didn’t want him to be a casualty. She wanted him to stay in her life.

“You should probably get going, I don’t wanna hold you up.” Caleb said with a slight chuckle.

“I don’t want to. Can’t you stay awhile?” Alice asked looking up at him through her sunglasses. She could feel the tears wanting to come but held them back.

“You know I cant.”

“Please.” She begged.

“I have to get home.”

“Live a little.”

“I do live a lot but just not with you.”

“Same excuse every time.”

“Get going now before they leave your ass.”

Alice grabbed on to his shirt with the other hand. “I don’t want to.”

The tears were welling up inside her eyes, she didn’t know how much longer she could hold off. She hated crying in front of people. She saw it as a weakness. The many years as a child being told to stop crying or she would be given a reason to cry. Then as an adult being told by the man she was seeing that crying was a weakness and that she need to toughen up and that she wasn’t allowed to cry and be weak. She knew it was perfectly fine to cry and it was not a weakness. It was something that she told her kids all the time when they felt sad. That it was normal to cry and that you should cry and work through your emotions. Yet it was something she preached but never practiced herself. She had four kids at home to watch over, she didn’t have time to be weak.

“Thank you for the gift Alice, I really do like it.” Caleb said as he held onto one of her arms.

“I’m glad you do.” The first traitorous tear slip passed her eyes and she knew the instant Caleb saw it because his face lost all playfulness.

“Alice…” he gently called her name.

“I know its stupid. You don’t gotta tell me that. But I know the minute I let go and you get in your truck I wont see you again. All those plans we had will be gone. Who will take me to the gun shop to buy my first gun? Who will make sure that the sales man doesn’t take advantage of me? Who will help me learn to shoot it correctly? Why couldn’t you like me? God I sound like a stupid female right now. But we would have been great together you know. You matched my level of darkness, we matched each other in so many ways.”

“Alice..”

“You know it. They know it. Everyone knows it. Everyone always said that we should just get together but we both would just laugh but deep down I wanted it. God did I want it but you just couldn’t get past that I was a bigger girl. Boy do I feel fucking stupid on an epic proportion right now.”

“Alice everyone has their preference, you always said we were friends because you knew I didn’t like you like that.”

“Of course I did because I didn’t wanna lose you. Better to be friends then not have you in my life. Funny how now I wont even have that.”

The tears were freely falling at this point. Alice could no longer hold her head high, instead she looked down at the ground. She couldn’t look at that stupid face of his, that face that she knew would haunt her dreams for many days to come.

“Alice you will find someone so much better then me. My stupid ass wouldn’t make the best partner for you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Look at me Alice.”

Alice shook her head, how could she look at him she was feeling pathetic at the moment. Crying because a man doesn’t want her. Caleb didn’t give her a chance to wallow in her own misery, he put his new shirt on the side of his truck bed and grabbed her face lifting it up to his. He lifted her sunglasses and looked at her tear stained face.

“Don’t cry Alice.”

“Shut up you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Caleb took his thumbs and brushed the tears away from her eyes. “I’m not someone to cry about.”

“To me you are.”

“You gotta let me go Alice. Move on. It was fun while it lasted and we will always have our memories.”

“Do they teach you these bullshit excuses when you guys are in school? I swear it’s the same fucking thing just said by a different guy.” Alice yelled angrily through her tears.

“Don’t be mad.”

“Don’t tell me what to feel.”

“Then don’t act like a spoiled brat.”

“Then don’t act like an ass who is un-attracted to fat women.”

“We aren’t going to get anywhere on this. Please don’t be mad and please don’t cry over me.”

Alice knew she was being mad because she was hurt and that she shouldn’t be. She knew she should be enjoying these last few moments with Caleb. With shaky hands Alice reached for Caleb’s sunglasses and lifted them up to see his face. Caleb was an expert at hiding his feelings, years in the military had made him hard.

“Why did you do it Alice?” Caleb quietly asked.

“You act like I did it on purpose. I didn’t plan on falling for you. If you weren’t so fucking perfect and if your darkness didn’t call to mine we would be safe.”

“I’m sorry Alice.”

“Me too Caleb.” Alice whispered as more tears fell down her face and she stood on her tippy toes to give him a chaste kiss at the edge of his lips.

Alice tried to smile through her tears and pulled away allowing him room to get back into his truck. With him seated in his truck Caleb rolled down the window and said goodbye before pulling away. Alice watched as the man she wanted nothing more did what all men do…..leave.

#Emotions #heart ache #broken heart #dating

[iidigestive-readerii]

The Mandalorian and the Mandalorian

*

A long silence stretched between them as they walked down the halls from the landing bay. It could have been awkward, but the Jedi master beside him was so at ease with himself that it made it difficult to be quiet for long. There was something about him that made everyone want to tell him everything.

Maybe that was some Force thing. 

"Rebuilding going well?"

Luke shrugged, tucking his arms behind his back. "As well as it can, given how much damage the Empire did…" he shook his head, giving a small laugh.

"You're not just talking politics?"

"It didn't even twenty years for thousands of years and history to be wiped out. It's astonishing, how manipulative the Empire was, and not to just the Jedi. Piecing together of what was with what remains… it feels like a near impossible task sometimes."

"People like Lady Tano and Bo-Katan Kryze are still alive," Din pointed out. He found himself briefly touching against the Dark Saber attached to his belt. It was still a strange sensation. "Surely they are a wealth of information."

"Oh they are...though some of them associated are a pain in the ass," Luke added under his breath. 

Din raised his eyebrows, looking out the window of the Coruscant traffic before leaning against the wall. He was antsy for his son's class to end to go see him, but this conversation was... enlightening. "How many Jedi survived the purge?"

"...there were ten-thousand Jedi living in the Temple alone before the Clone Wars… the Clone Wars depleted about three-fourths of the population…" Luke tapped his fingers, thinking. "I would say a few thousand survived the purge, and several more Force sensitives across the Galaxy went into hiding."

"There are Jedi Temples besides here on Coruscant?"

"Yep."

"... incredible."

Luke looked at him, his expression softening for the first time since they'd met at the landing dock. "Grogu is doing really well Din. I'm not surprised, considering how he did live in this Temple in his early childhood. His classmates love him, and he loves them as well."

Din made a noise at the back of his throat, not responding immediately. He had his helmet off and tucked under his arm, which was an incredible feat in itself, but he trusted the man that taught his son. "Good...he deserves to be around those of his own kind."

Luke chuckled, glancing down the hall and frowning. A moment later, a few children ran past them, bowing their heads quickly before scurrying away. His blue eyes glimmered with the light coming through the windows. "Mandalorians and Jedi have a long and intricate interwoven history. I'm sure you've realized that."

"That's an elegant way of putting things," a Coruscanti lilted voice sounded while footsteps approached.

Shoving his helmet back on, Din whirled around at the newcomer. 

He failed to miss Luke rolling his eyes. 

The stranger before them was tall and slim, dressed in black and red Mandalorian armor. A Jedi robe covered the armor...with a lightsaber attached to his belt. The sun hit his ginger hair, highlighting the bits of blond sprinkled through his head and well trimmed beard. 

But his eyes were far more unsettling than Luke's ever were. 

Like they knew everything, had seen everything. So incredibly sad, but so hopeful for the future. Wanting the best for everyone while knowing that happiness was never for him, not for long. 

"Hello there," the newcomer said wryly. He smiled, and it made Din want to both punch him and invite him for tea. "Din, I'm glad we're finally on planet together. I've heard quite a bit about you."

"How do you know my name? And why are you wearing Mandalorian armor?"

"...Korkie."

Din looked between the two men. It didn't take a Jedi to feel the tension between them. 

Luke gave a small sigh, composing himself. "Din Djarin, meet - "

"Prince Kladius Robert Kryze-Kenobi," the newcomer said with a sweeping bow. 

"Kryze?" Din echoed. "Lady Bo-Katan is the last of her line."

Korkie snickered. "Oh she's saying that now? Well," he looked at himself dramatically, patting his forelimbs. "I'm alive, despite the Empire's best efforts. As is a good chunk of my clan. I'm her nephew."

"You're next in line or something to lead your clan?"

"I lead my clan - and most of Mandalore, in her absence." Korkie leaned against the nearest pillar, crossing his arms while he glanced at Luke. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Not at all, Your Grace," Luke muttered sarcastically. The smallest of a bemused smile was on his face.

"No one rules Mandalore. It's a hellscape."

"Ever been to the system?" Korkie snapped. His eyes narrowed to the Dark Saber on Din's belt. "It takes more than the saber that killed my mother to rule it."

"Pardon?" 

"I'm gonna leave you two be - " Luke began before being stopped by both men. He stepped back, raising his hands in surrender. 

"I won this blade in combat. Your aunt agreed the Mandalorians would not accept a false ruler."

Korkie barked out a harsh laugh. Energy crackled off of him, a fierce energy that came from someone bred and raised to rule, to protect his people with whatever means necessary. "Mandalore goes through rulers every ten years. We're a warring batch, it's what we do...but one of us is the son of Duchess Satine and Obi-Wan Kenobi. One of us stands a chance with it's politics on the intergalactic stage."

Din cocked his head, then stepped forward. He kept his voice low. It was habit, despite the fact he knew that both men with him could kill him without batting an eye. 

And he knew that only one of them would not feel guilty, and it certainly would not be Luke. 

"Mandalore is a way of life. I chose to become a Mandalorian. You were born into it."

Korkie smiled sadly. "And yet we both had our parents killed and our childhoods ripped away. There's no point comparing how Mandalorian we are. It takes more than a saber to rule. My mother knew that...my aunt has yet to learn that."

Somewhere in the Temple, an old fashioned school bell rang several times. 

"Classes are done for the day," Like interrupted passively. "If you two are not done, I suggest finding a conference room before a few hundred people flood these halls - half of them children. There should be one available on the fourth floor, second wing from the lifts."

"Don't care to mediate Skywalker?" Korkie asked, a smile curving on his face. "Or is a Sith assassin calling your name?"

"I'd like to spar with my wife without being mentally exhausted from your negotiating, Kenobi."

"Funny - say hi to Mara for me."

Luke gave a two-fingered salute, getting a laugh from the prince. He walked away, joined by an ancient Kiffar. The men were seen laughing, and the Kiffar turned around to wave enthusiastically at Korkie, who waved back with delight. 

"Who was that?" Din asked lightly. 

"Quinlan Vos? Oh, one of my dad's best friends. He survived the purge and came back to teach at Skywalker's request."

One thing that Din had realized into his introduction into Jedi culture...everyone knew everyone. It was a family. 

...a family that he would never be apart of, no matter that Grogu and him were a clan of two.

...and Grogu would outlive him, probably wouldn't even remember him, probably would live for nearly 900 more years if the rumors of Yoda and Yaddle were true. 

There would always be a connection to both worlds, Jedi and Mandalorian, he would not understand. 

"You don't feel welcome by either of your cultures, do you?" Din asked, the thought dawning on him as the information processed. 

Korkie didn't turn from looking out the window, but he cracked a small smile. "I'm the son of a Mandalorian pacifist and a Jedi that wanted to be a warrior no matter what he said. One doesn't get to where I am without struggling."

"How come I never knew you existed? You rule our people."

"Did Luke mention that the Empire erased decades and centuries of history?" Korkie finally looked at him, his eyes glistening. "I teach the history of Jedi and Mandalorian interactions across the Galaxy. I'm trying to fill in the blanks that were destroyed. That's why you haven't heard of me. This Galaxy is fractured."

"Sounds like a big job for a one man. Poor bastard."

"It isn't so bad. I have two whole communities to help me." Korkie pushed himself off the pillar, dusting imaginary dust off himself. "You're welcome in either community, Din...you have to remember that."

"I just can't rule?" 

Korkie smirked, a glint in his eyes that could be called mischievous. "You rule your own clan, Mandalorian."

Din jumped when he felt something tugging his cloak, and glanced down to find his son looking up at him. "Hey kid," he muttered, squatting down to be eye-level. "Miss me?"

He heard the prince walking away, footsteps growing quieter. 

Grogu had on a small knapsack, and shrugged it off before reaching his arms up. His smile was wide while Din picked him up, holding him close. 

Clan of Two...that sounded good.

"Wanna show me your room?" 

#The Mandalorian #din djarin #korkie kryze #korkie kenobi #Korkie is a Kenobi #Luke Skywalker #Mara Jade #grogu #fanfiction #I take canon and throw it out the window #because I can #:D

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

Putting this out here so y'all can kick my ass into actually getting to this stuff once I'm done with the semester...

I need to:

write that meta(s) on what the jedi younglings tell us about the order as a whole

finish a meta on how much the jedi actually talk about attachment

make a big compilation post (video?) of non-Jedi loving/admiring the Jedi/the Order as a whole

clean up the love-encouraged posts (add all the links + add a few moments I should have included)

get to the giveaway fics/metas I'd promised I'd make before college kicked my ass

finish that yoda appreciation compilation video that's already 8 minutes

get to some of my old non-Star Wars metas

update/declutter the masterlist

talk more about Dooku

talk more about Obi-Wan

get to the like 12 different asks about Ahsoka in s5/s7 that have been collecting dust in my drafts for months

talk more about Obi-Wan

finish answering all my old asks

talk more about Obi-Wan

#objectives #okay to reblog #please feel free to pressure me into doing this xD but only after sunday please #i still have stuff to turn in this weekend

[ooops-i-arted]

What did you think of episode 3?? From a child development perspective at least?

I’ll start with a couple things I would like to add about Episode 2:

WE FINALLY SAW THE BABY RUN!  HIS GROSS MOTOR DEVELOPMENT IS IMPROVING!  YAY!!!

I s2g if I see one more stupid-ass post about Baby Yoda being “canceled” or “committing genocide” HOW THE FUCK IS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW OR UNDERSTAND THEY AREN’T FOOD IF NO ONE IS TEACHING HIM THAT?  HAVE YOU MET A TODDLER, EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS NEW TO THEM AND THEY ARE EXPERIMENTING AND EXPLORING AND IF THEY DON’T HAVE ADULT GUIDANCE YOU CAN’T EXPECT THEM TO START LEARNING ADVANCED CONCEPTS INDEPENDENTLY AT THAT AGE.  If it smells and/or looks like food to him (which is probably does) he’s gonna think it’s food and eat it until he is taught differently!  Also the episode CLEARLY states the eggs are unfertilized, so not a baby at all yet, and that the species is not endangered, that frog lady just personally is having her last batch of eggs.  Pay attention before you start having stupid opinions. /rant

Well to build on that - Baby is learning and we see it in this episode.  Din tells him “I will get you food” when he sees Baby is hungry and Baby does successfully wait until he gets food!  We also see him use a spoon, which is fantastic because he can then practice those fine motor manipulative skills, even if he couldn’t quite figure out how to use them to get that octopus off his face!  And his self-preservation/problem solving skills come back with him sealing his pod to protect himself.  Like I’ve stated before, to me that seems like a learned behavior, since we don’t see it in Season 1.  There’s clearly a time skip between Season 1 and Season 2* so to me that implies Din has been teaching him to do that to protect himself.  He also seemed to have some awareness of/reaction of fear to what the Quarren meant by “we’re gonna kill your pet” so he is definitely comprehending more, including things that no child should be having to experience, unfortunately.

It’s subtle and a little up-to-interpretation, but the way Baby was looking between Din and the dehelmed Bo-Katan made me think he’s trying to process this, because his Dad DEFINITELY does not do this, who the fuck is this and why the hell is she taking her helmet off???  IIRC I think he looked funny at Cobb too when the helmet came off but I haven’t rewatched Episode 1 yet so I’m not 100% sure.  It’s another mark of his attachment to Din; what Din does is Normal and Right and these other Mandalorians are Doing It Wrong to his mind.

And ofc Baby does actually learn “these are not food” when he sees the eggs hatch.  I think Frog Lady had figured out what was going on with the eggs and it seems she and Frog Husband maybe even actually took the time to show him the tadpole and teach him not to eat it?  Since that is definitely a food-sized item to him by the end of the episode.  He is so excited to have a playdate when Din picks him up!  So many people want to hurt him and Din has to keep him close and out of sight so much, it’s wonderful he got a chance to have some healthy social interaction.  He clearly enjoyed himself since he didn’t want to leave.

And ofc he continues to have his dad as a “safe harbor” to use while he experiences the world, and also seems to regard the ship as a safe place.  In Episode 2 he was crying and scared a lot while the spiders were around, but he recognizes that on the ship with Dad, he is safe, seeming more curious than frightened of the sea creature at the end of the episode.  He even laughs when Din kills it!  No matter how dangerous things get, he still knows that he’s safe with his daddy, and that sense of security is SO important for a child’s mental well-being.

As for Din, Dad Points gained for actually talking to the kid about things (telling him he’ll get food, trying to tell him not to eat the eggs although he really should’ve been more explicit with a little kid) and for being so Soft it melted my heart when he was checking on the baby after his kraken encounter.  Minor Dad Points lost for just yanking the poor kid away from his new frog friend (you have to transition little kids, no wonder poor Baby was fighting so hard to not leave!).  MAJOR Dad Points lost for bringing the kid close to the big-ass hole in the ship when those Quarrens were acting sketchy as fuck about insisting he let the kid see.  Seriously Din what were you thinking??

*I’m actually kind of sad we didn’t see The Shopping Trip, an episode where Din does nothing but bargain shop for a new pod.  (That will probably be a Baby Yoda POV Interlude tbh, since I set up Baby Hating Pods Now and will have to realign his Feelings On Pods to align with the new season.)  And more seriously, where did he get that thigh plate??  Did he have to forge it himself (since it’s kind of implied his Mandalorian search has been unsuccessful so far)?  Did he just find a raided covert and retrieved it from a fallen brother?  That’s depressing... or did he just make a pit stop to see the Armorer?

#baby yoda #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #asks #anon #baby yoda meta

[kaasknot]

GAR Organizational Structure (with bonus despair)

point the first: the structure tcw gives us for the GAR is nonsensical. captains are leading legions, a battalion is apparently sufficient for a marshal commander, and generals are, oh my god, leading troops out in the field—the way no general irl actually does, because they are a strategic target and if the enemy kills/captures them it would be a tremendous blow. not gonna lie: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) is a disaster and should be ashamed of itself. 

i mostly ignore all of the above for my sanity, because 1) it’s more fun to watch jedi waving laser swords around amidst thickets of blasterfire, 2) the whole endgame is to kill them anyway, so who cares if a few jump the gun, and 3) maybe cody just really digs all those cool cats down in the 212th. maybe he runs ops with them whenever he can get away with it. whatever, it’s explainable.

(nothing will ever explain why rex, a junior officer, was leading a whole-ass legion. i cannot forgive. i will not forget.)

point the second: the only hard numbers we have for how big the GAR is are in the repcomm books, which put it at 3 million soldiers. this is. it’s. it's absolutely ludicrously small. to put it in perspective, the united states armed forces alone comprise about 1.4 million active duty personnel in its various branches. that’s ONE military on ONE planet. the GFFA has anywhere from 12 to 70 million inhabited planets. sure, most of them won't participate in the war, but even if you take the lower figure of 12 million, assume 10% are participants (whether as suppliers, victims, allies, or just re-supplied a star destroyer that one time), and take 10% of that as ACTIVE participants, then the number of planets the GAR needs to have a presence on is still 120 thousand. do a little math, and for the GAR to maintain a US-sized presence (which i think we can all agree is plenty large enough to bully a planet into submission) x 120k, the GAR would have to have 170 billion active duty personnel.

if the last number was too small, this one’s too huge. It’s beyond enormous. how do they feed everyone? but consider: the GAR wouldn't have to have the same presence on all planets. some of them might be small, like the rishi outpost. some might not need active policing at all, such as core planets like alderaan. i'll admit right now that i'm extremely lazy and don't feel like crunching the numbers to determine the size of the GAR presence on upwards of a million planets. i'm just gonna say "one billion active duty clones for the war." it’s still hysterically enormous, but it’s a lot more manageable.

my headcanon for the organizational structure of the GAR, using both wikipedia and wookieepedia for reference:

GAR: 1 billion active duty clones (broken down into 10 systems armies)—led by yoda, who is eisenhower

systems army: 100 million clones (2 sector armies)—led by a marshal commander, each of whom is attached to a jedi councilmember (so ponds, cody, wolffe, etc. our beloved cc-2224 is marshal commander of the 3rd systems army.) 

sector army: 50 million (5 planetary armies)—led by a rear marshal commander, each attached to senior jedi masters who are not on the council (so gree, bly, fox, etc)

planetary army: 10 million (5 corps)—senior commander (note: given the unit mobility we see in the show, “planetary” is more a polite request than an actual rule, especially as attrition takes its toll. troops go where they needed.)

corps: 2 million (5 divisions)—corps commander

division: 400 thousand (5 legions)—division commander

legion: 80 thousand (5 brigades)—legion commander

brigade: 16 thousand (5 regiments)—brigadier commander

regiment: 3,200 (4 battalions)—regimental commander

battalion: 800 (4 companies)—major

company: 200 (4 platoons)—captain/1st sergeant

platoon: 50 (5 squads)—lieutenant/staff sergeant 

squad: 10 (2 fire teams)—sergeant

(fire) team: 5 troopers

(“active duty” in this context (the context being slave soldiers) means all clones of age to deploy who are not on medical leave. the total number of cadets of all ages, who are not considered active duty, probably dwarfs this 1 billion figure by like a factor of 978645, which i’m not even going to think about because the sheer logistics of that is staggering. the only reason this army wasn’t discovered sooner is because of movie magic.)

the eagle-eyed among you may notice that several of the formations i’ve separated out (e.g. brigade and legion) are actually the same size irl. in my defense: it’s a billion fucking soldiers! there is no existing military structure on earth that can accommodate a command of that size!! something had to give!!

again, those keen-eyed among you may notice that there are no less than eight different ranks of commander, only three of which are supported by wookieepedia. in my defense: star wars gave us a crappy starting point, and i can only work with what i’m given. either i bump up NCOs to commanding platoons and companies and reinstall our beloved rex as captain of torrent brigade (my soul fucking shudders), or we have to deal with eight different unit sizes all led by officers addressed formally as “commander.”

(it is clone etiquette to address commanders by title and name in mixed company, save the highest-ranking officer, who is THE commander and may be addressed sans name. it is clone humor to fuck with non-clones by sending them on goose-chases in search of “the commander.”)

moving on.

according to wookiepedia, the ranks of jedi are thus:

grand high jedi general—yoda (actually i lied, i made this one up)

high jedi general—the other 11 councilmembers

senior jedi general—all jedi masters

jedi general—all jedi knights

jedi commander—all jedi padawans

as far as i’m concerned those ranks can stay as-is, with senior and regular generals getting scattered throughout the command structure wherever i feel like putting them. it’s not like they make sense as military leaders anyway; they’re last-minute pasties to cover up the GAR’s scandalous bits and make it fit for public propaganda.

of note, there are 12 jedi who sit on the jedi council, but only 10 sector armies. conveniently, yoda doesn’t need to command a sector army, because he commands all the armies. likewise, i headcanon shaak ti doesn’t actually have a command, as she stays on kamino for quality assurance purposes. gotta make sure there aren’t any ethics violations going on.

some may have noticed that fox, despite answering to the chancellor and not to a jedi, is in the “rear marshal” category. i did this (actually @countessofbiscuit did this and i shamelessly stole it) because i (we) headcanon fox not just as head of the coruscant guard, but the head of the CG, GAR military police, and penal battalions. he’s got a big command, too, even if he doesn’t have a jedi to show for it. plus, it makes for excellent intraservice beef if palpatine pushed for fox’s promotion against the prevailing cultural trends of the GAR. (poor fox.)

final notes on this already long-winded and horrific post: seniority within the ranks of the marshal commanders depends on the seniority of their attendant jedi and their own level of experience. e.g. mace windu is the senior-most jedi after yoda, so ponds commands the 1st systems army. however, ponds dies relatively early in the war, so bacara, despite being assigned to the 2nd systems army (i just made that up, i have no idea if ki-adi mundi has seniority after mace), outranks ponds’s replacement because he has more experience. most of this is tacit and doesn’t really affect anything except who sits where at mandatory formal dinners, but it’s also used to justify who’s allowed to eat the last donut—to mixed success.

how DO they feed everyone, though? like, seriously?

#gar organizational structure #coruscant guard #commander fox #clone intelligence #meta #tcw #eyayade #don't confuse your systems armies and sector armies #i just did and almost gave myself a fucking heart attack