#nikolai lanstov one shot

[thesugarclubs-blog]

Sunrises - Nikolai Lanstov x OC

warnings: Sturmhond Nikolai, post season 2, sweet, soft fluffy Nik, new Grisha OC

word count: 7.5k

WP: https://www.wattpad.com/1382079816-sunrises-zrina

Masterlist

Zrina stared up at the imposing ship and swallowed thickly past the knot of nerves lodged in her throat.  Her excitement at being chosen for this commission had soon faded to a nervous dread at the enormity of her task.  It was only thoughts of her parents that finally encouraged her to set a foot on the wooden ramp that led up to the deck.  She hoped they’d have been proud.

The Volkvolny was a mighty vessel and Zrina shook herself once more at the realisation that not only had she been chosen for Sturmhond’s fleet, but that she was on his flagship, her, a brand new squaller with barely a week of experience driving a wind through a sail. No, she thought to herself, you can do this!  A stern voice brought her back out of her thoughts and she hitched her large bag up onto her shoulder as she turned to see who had spoken.

“You’re late,” the Grisha huffed once more, rolling his eyes in disparagement.

“I…I’m sorry,” Zrina stammered, feeling her cheeks flush.  “There was a queue at the entrance to the docks and…”

The Grisha cut off her explanation with a wave of his hand and jerked his head towards the other end of the ship.

“Your bunk’s that way.  Stow your gear and then come to the foredeck.  Be quick though, you don’t want to keep Sturmhond waiting. Again.”

Below deck men, women and Grisha moved around stowing their belongings and readying for departure. Zrina had never been on a ship of this size and she wasn’t sure she even belonged now, gripping tightly to her pack, huddled deep into the collar of her kefta. She studied the other squallers, moving toward where they had formed a corner of bunks and set her belongings on the floor near the wall, earning a few dirty looks from who were supposed to be her peers and friends. 

“Did you finally figure out how to use your wind, otkazat'sya?” One of them sneered, pushing past her one by one they slammed into her shoulders to remind her of her place. 

Orphan. They had started calling her that at school, when her powers seemed fizzle and crack. She was a Grisha, born from two powerful squallers and placed on a pedestal she would never belong on. But she had not been abandoned, or refused like the other squallers seemed to believe. The power was there, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was her fear. 

“You look as though you might be sick,” a voice called out as soon as the hull emptied. 

Zrina spun to follow the sound only to find a lanky body resting haphazardly in one of the dirty canvas hammocks, a hat pulled down over their face. 

“I will be fine, thank you.” She spoke, pinning her shoulders back she attempted to push away the nausea that churned in her stomach. There were a thousand ship hands like this one, mean and abrasive to newcomers. He was probably drunk on last night's whiskey and had just been looking for a quiet place to nap. 

“There is candied ginger in the barrel behind you, place a piece between your teeth.” He said. 

Zrina turned to look at the small barrel, perched atop a pile of others and popped the lid to find a stock of sticky, amber candy that smelled spicy but instantly quelled the rolling waves in the pit of her stomach. She grabbed a few, tucking them into her handkerchief and into her pocket before turning back to thank the man only to find him halfway up the stairs. 

“You better hurry, the Kapitan is coming.” 

Sturmhond. 

She watched as the helpful, slightly irritating deck hand stripped from his dusty moth eaten jacket and hat, parading into the sunlight. The tight brown suspenders dug into his shoulder blades and rumpled the white tunic that was tucked into his trousers as he spun to stand next to Tolya and Tamar. The most famous Shu twins in Grisha legend. Zrina could barely believe she was sharing a deck with them, let alone the sky. 

She found an open spot towards the center of the deck and walked towards it. She stood tall, chin up, shoulders pinned back as her mother would always tell her to do. No matter how in awe she was that she was in fact part of something this magnificent. No matter how hard her heart was beating in her ears, and Saints now it was looking for a way straight out of her chest. She stood tall. Like she belonged wherever she was, because she did. 

As she fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve in an effort to focus on something other than the nerves going haywire in her body, a ruckus of boots stomping and whistles from the crew broke her way sending the focus of her vision forward where she was met with a pair of curious, iridescent eyes looking back. 

It’s him. 

At the ship’s bridge stood the illustrious Sturmhond. A tall man whose broad shoulders were squared in a commanding presence but his face held an entirely different air. Not that it commanded any less attention but he had a calm, almost serene look in his blue eyes and a satisfied smile accompanying it. She took a deep breath as he held Zrina’s gaze softly almost like he was studying her.

After lingering on her eyes for a while, his eyes, which were the same color of the water surrounding them, wandered further down until halting on the muted cherry color of her lips. 

"Tell me, fair one, what is your name?" His voice carried through the winds as he addressed her.

"Z-zrina, K-apitan." The tremble in her voice broke the words apart as it wreaked over the rest of her body with a visible shiver that didn't go unnoticed. A small semblance of a smile formed on his lips.

"Kapitan Nikolai Lantsov." His arm stretched out and moved with fluid motion as a sign of welcome. 

“Zrina’s our new squaller, Kapitan,” the snarky grisha from before interjected.

“Thank you Delyan, but I’m sure she’s more than capable of speaking for herself,” the Kapitan smirked, throwing a wink towards Zrina.

She nodded and kept her tall stance but inside, Zrina’s stomach roiled and she wished she could sneak another piece of ginger.

“We weigh anchor in ten minutes,” Kapitan Lantsov commanded and then fixed his intense gaze on Zrina. “Our new squaller can take us up.”

As he turned and stalked off towards the stern Zrina stared numbly at the platform where the squallers stood when steering the ship. She could do this, at least, that’s what she tried to convince herself.

Ten minutes seemed like no time at all before Zrina found herself standing on the wooden platform fighting the urge to pick at the cuffs of her kefta. She felt as if every single pair of eyes on the entire ship were upon her and she clenched her toes in her boots in an attempt to stop her knees from trembling.

She caught the piercing gaze of the Kapitan, who nodded once, and so she raised her hands and opened her palms. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, raising her palms higher. At the sound of whispers and even a few titters she opened her eyes again. The ship hadn’t moved.

“Saints,” she swore under her breath, her eyes dropping from the limp sails to the toes of her boots as she wiggled out the tension in her fingers before taking one more deep breath and readying her hands again. 

When she looked up her eyes connected with his but this time she didn’t close them, instead she let herself get lost there. The blue in his eyes reminded her of the open sky on her face, swirling and brushing around her like she was a bird in the clouds. 

Just as the wind tickled her fingertips and rushed through her kefta whispers of mockery floated around her, “razrusha’ya,” they said. And maybe they were right, maybe she was ruined. She couldn’t even lift a sail, she could barely muster enough wind to ruffle her hair. 

“If you can’t do it, otkazat'sya, get down and let a real Grisha try,” Jadran hissed from his station below her, his dark brown eyes looked at her with disgust until Toyla spun, accidentally, slapping the Grisha in the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. The commotion giving Zrina enough time to climb down from her post and offer it up to the next willing. 

She stared down at her hands with tears in her eyes, “why don’t you work?” She breathed out the words in a feeble attempt to stay quiet and calm. 

She could feel the stare of Korol Rezni on her as the ship raised through the air and joined the clouds. He watched her carefully as she moved around the ship, helping with tasks and struggling to fit in. Lanstov studied her with knitted brows and a tender smirk as she got down on her knees to help scrub the deck. 

All the while Zrina waited for him to throw her overboard for being useless. What good was a squaller who couldn’t summon the wind? 

She tried so hard but his presence, although not menacing, intimidated her.

"Zrina." She heard him call. Her back stiffened as she got up from her knees to address him.  

"I think we start you slow so you can learn the ropes. Finish the deck, get you some food and once the sun sets, the night shift awaits you." that playful, boyish smile returned to his lips as his eyes lingered on her face a little while longer. 

She didn't quite understand the softness he presented to her but she would be lying if it didn’t make her a little glad that she is getting to stay on the ship.

Zrina pressed her lips into a thin line, and nodded once, “Thank you, Kapitan.” She kept her eyes on him as she took two steps backwards before turning on her heel and heading over to help with ensuring everything on deck was secure. 

She was in a battle with herself in her head, cursing her abilities for proving the other grisha right about her. Embarrassment at how she looked in front of the crew and her new Kapitan. The bustling bodies around her as everyone worked didn’t phase her in the slightest. All she could focus on was the fact that night would come soon enough, and then it was all up to her. 

With an exasperated grunt, Zrina tied a tight knot in the last lifeline, tugging tightly and subconsciously taking out some of her anger. The words of the other Grisha danced through her head and it wasn’t until a heavy chuckle came from beside her that her eyes finally looked up from where she was working. “What did that rope ever do to you?” Tolya teased, crossing his arms over his chest with a playful smirk on his lips. 

Zrina cleared her throat and shook her head, “I - I was just making sure it was secure,” 

“Don’t let them get to you,” Tamar chimed in, hopping up on a barrel and rolling her eyes, “Some crew members like to forget that they were new to this too at one point.” 

Zrina felt a little of the tension drain from her shoulders and she let out a sigh. They were right, she knew that, but hearing those words that she’d heard all her life thrown at her in such an important moment had shaken her badly.

“Look, you interviewed for this commission, right?” Tamar asked and Zrina nodded her head in confirmation.  “Exactly, so you were chosen out of all the others who interviewed too.  You’ve got something that they didn’t have and I think you’re right where you’re meant to be.”

Zrina felt the smile that twitched at the corners of her mouth and Tolya didn’t miss it either.

“Is that…is that a smile I see?” He teased, making Zrina chuckle.  “There she is. Look, new girl, you’re on the night shift so take that as a grand opportunity.  There’ll be practically no-one around so you can practice to your heart’s content, build your confidence. You’ll be back on the day before you know it.  Might even be given your own ship.”

He nudged her shoulder with a twinkle in his eye and Zrina managed a laugh.

“That’s the spirit,” Tamar joined in, “and if anyone says anything else just remember you have as much right to be here as they do.”

Tamar slipped back off the barrel and clapped Zrina on the back before turning with Tolya and the pair of them sauntered off to the aft of the ship, leaving her alone with her thoughts once more.

After a meal of biscuits and stew, Zrina returned to her bunk and tried to rest before dark but sleep eluded her.  She tossed and turned, her anxiety rising yet again, and she found herself staving off tears more than once.  She was almost relieved when darkness finally fell and so she slipped from her bunk, refilled her stash of ginger pieces, and headed up on deck.

“Don’t ground us, otkazat'sya,” Delyan hissed as she stepped up to take his place on the platform.

Zrina threw him a blank look but it was hidden in the dim light from the few lanterns scattered about.  The deck was blissfully quiet, although she knew there must be lookouts aloft, and she waited until Delyan was below deck before she raised her palms and felt for the wind.

It came easily this time, that tingling rush of power, and a breeze whipped around the bottom of her kefta.  Zrina raised her face to the sky, beaming in relief and she twirled on the spot, laughing breathlessly as her wind played through her long dark waves, lifting the strands in a chestnut halo around her head.

Someone clapped softly from behind her, “marvelous.” 

The Kapitan stepped forward into the long wispy strands of the moonlight, his eyes turned up toward the billowing sails in awe. “I knew you had it in you.” He said. 

“Thank you sir,” Zrina nodded, all of the confidence rushing from her the moment his glassy eyes flickered down to her. 

“Ah,” he huffed with a nod. The corner of his lips curling to the side, “under the scorching heat of the sun I am Kapitan, King, Sturmhond, handsome, daring, brave,” he laughed into the empty night sky with a smile on his face that warmed her cheeks. “But here with only the stars as my audience, I am simply Nikolai for they do not care that I am handsome and charming.” Zrina nodded uncomfortably with the idea of not addressing him by his title. “I must apologize for this morning, I suppose the nerves took hold of me.” She said, still concentrating on her fingers and how the power vibrated through them, calling to the wind so naturally. 

“I would like a word with whoever taught you that you are less than magical,” his smile fell but his eyes reflected the constellations back at her. He stripped from his jacket, letting the cool air nip at the bare skin that lay beneath his loose white shirt as he walked toward her. He carried the air of a Saint, suffocatingly impressive but all the while, still just a man in awe of science and magic. “I have always been jealous of Grisha.”

“You, jealous?” Zrina scoffed before she could stop herself from being so impolite to her King, her Kapitan. 

“Such an undesirable trait, I am aware.” He rolled up the sleeves of his billowy shirt and put his hands on his hips, staring at the sails again. “I used to stand on the balcony that overlooked parts of the little palace, sneaking away from my studies,” he looked at her over his shoulder. “I stood there until my tutors caught me, waving my hands around like a fool trying to learn the magic that could not be taught.” 

"On this ship, your magic is a blessing. I won't tolerate anyone that tells you otherwise, Zrina." Nikolai took a few sure steps towards her, the heat in her cheeks coloring them in a rosy tint. 

Even under the few stars and the moon shining onto them he noticed the way she reacted to his compliments. 

"Look at that, I like that beautiful blush on your skin, milaya."  

Zrina felt the heat spread through her body, failing to distinguish if this was her being intimidated by his presence or something else entirely. Something she never felt before. 

She felt the wind drop a little and shook herself, reaffirming her grip on her power despite the Kapitan’s distracting presence.

“Sorry,” she grimaced, knowing he’d noticed the change in their flight.

“No apologies necessary,” he smiled warmly.  “We’re in no rush to get to our destination, and night flying is designed to be a little less…taxing.”

He reached upwards, rolling his shoulders and stretching out his neck before doing the last thing that Zrina would ever have imagined. With a boyish twinkle in his eye he plopped himself down on the edge of the platform and leaned back on his hands with a satisfied sigh.

“You don’t mind if I stay here for a while do you?” He asked, tilting his head back to look up at her.  “It’s a nice night but I don’t want to disturb your work.”

“I…I mean…” Zrina flushed as she fumbled for words.  “It’s your ship Kapitan. You may do as you wish.”

Nikolai raised his eyebrow and his lip quirked up in a cheeky smirk.

“No!” Zrina answered quickly.  “No, I do not mind.”

With an amused hum, Nikolai turned his attention back to the skies, kicking his legs like a satisfied child as he sat on the edge of the platform.

They stayed in silence like that for a while and slowly Zrina grew used to his presence.  The slight shuffling noises and quiet sighs he let out became a comfort to her as she worked, although it no longer felt like work to command the wind to propel the ship.  It was there in her mind, as if it always had been, and she found she no longer had to concentrate on that one task.  As her mind began to wander she maintained that hold on her power and the ship continued to fly ever onwards.

“Ahem,” Nikolai cleared his throat in an unsubtle way of getting her attention and Zrina barely hid her smile.

“Yes Kapitan?”

“Are you due for a break? From the passage of the stars across the skies I am sure that you have worked long enough for a respite.”

“Perhaps,” Zrina replied.  “But I’m trying to make a good impression.”

“Shut up and sit down here,” he laughed, patting the platform next to him.

She smiled fully then and when he saw it his face lit up with joy.  Zrina clambered down and perched next to him, her hands in her lap and her crossed ankles swinging gently.  Nikolai turned and sucked in a breath as if to speak but then paused.  Tilting his head to the side he stared at her curiously, and then up at the sails that were still full of wind.

“The ship’s still flying,” he observed.

“Yes.”

“But you’re sat here.”

“You noticed that hmm?” She teased a little.

“Clever little squaller,” Nikolai said with amazement.  “I knew there was something different about you.”

Zrina giggled, and turned her gaze up to the sky with a wide smile on her face. It was still a little surreal to her that she was actually on this ship as one of the main squallers, and now in charge of flying them through the stars. It was something her little self had only dreamt of when she started training. The words of the other crew members drifted from her mind as she let herself take in this moment and enjoy the view before them. She sighed happily and shook her head once, “Saints, it is beautiful isn’t it? I mean, I’m sure you’re used to it by now but -” 

“Believe me, I can still be amazed by beauty,” Nikolai replied, quieter than she was expecting. Turning her head, she caught his blue eyes glancing over her with a soft smile tugging at his lips. A swarm of butterflies fluttered deep in her stomach as a blush took over her cheeks. Zrina thanked the Saints that it was dark enough and hoped he couldn’t see how his words had gotten to her. She felt a little embarrassed assuming it was her that he was talking about, but the slight twinkle in his gaze held her there in hope for a moment before she looked back down to her hands in her lap. “I’m sure you can, Kapitan,” Zrina finally replied, smiling over to him, “Can I ask you a question?” Nikolai hummed, looking out onto the deck as a playful look took over his face, “I suppose so,” he teased. 

"What was your first journey like?" Her words came out with a little stutter as the reaction he evoked in her body was distracting her train of thought.

"It was terrible. Let's just say I had a similar experience to you. As a Kapitan you have so much responsibility and I wanted to prove myself to this crew. It got the best of me."

His voice got quieter towards the end, making Zrina search his eyes in the imminent darkness of the night.

"It's hard to believe with the ease that you command this ship, Kapitan Lantsov." 

"Ahhh, milaya. Thank you for the sweet words." 

He watched her for a second longer, surely observing the reaction his words caused in her and his face lit up, almost delighted to find that beautiful rosy color returning on her fair skin. It filled him with a sense of pride that he has the honor of watching this beautiful woman flustered with his words. 

They must have sat there for an hour or more, each of them sharing stories with the other.  Zrina had never felt more comfortable with someone and gradually the charming Kapitan broke down her defenses and she found herself sharing more of her childhood than she ever had before.

It was during a lull in their conversation that Zrina’s stomach let out a loud growl and Nikolai burst into peals of laughter at her flushed cheeks as she clutched an embarrassed hand over her abdomen.

“I see I am failing in my duties tonight,” he chuckled, “for I have allowed you to go hungry and the great Sturmhond has a reputation to uphold. He may be fearsome but he always makes sure his crew are fed, watered, and warm.”

Nikolai patted Zrina’s knee in a comradely gesture meant to comfort.

“Wait here but a moment.”

She watched curiously as he hopped off the platform and, with a wide grin over his shoulder, disappeared down one of the staircases that led off the poop deck. She heard a door close and then, not five minutes later, it opened again and a voice called up to her.

“Hie little squaller, I’ve secured us a feast!”

Zrina smiled and pulled her bottom lip through her teeth as she remembered what Nikolai had said about magic.  With a deep breath and raised palms she searched for her power.  Straight away she felt the draw on it from the wind in the sails but she ignored that part and focused on a single tendril which she encouraged to grow stronger and thicker, forming a net of air.  In her mind’s eye she envisioned the net being cast and wrapping around the Kapitan, who was now setting foot on the stairs back up to the poop deck.  She wrapped that net around him tightly and tugged, so hard that he lost his grip on the railing.

She laughed out loud at the very un-royal squawk that left Nikolai’s lips as he found himself being raised off the ground supported by a cushion of air.  His consternation did not last long however, for he caught sight of Zrina and knew it was her doing.  To her surprise and delight the dreaded Sturmhond spread his arms wide and leaned back into her net, trusting completely that she would not let him fall.

Something twisted then, inside her heart, and she lifted him further, bringing him level with the deck.  She bounced him a few times and the giggles that left his mouth sounded so innocent and fun-filled that she could not help laughing alongside him. When his boots finally found the deck she was met with the biggest smile she had ever seen. 

“That was incredible,” he looked around in awe. “And it just comes from you,” he rushed to her, cupping her face in his hands, “do you understand how incredible you are?” 

Zrina swallowed tightly her only thoughts on how close Nikolai’s face was to hers and how his fingers felt against her skin. Being incredible was the last thing on her mind as the smell of sweat and cinnamon filled her nose. 

“I apologize,” he whispered, his mouth so close to her face that she could feel his sweet breath on her bottom lip. “Toyla tells me regularly that I am too much for the common person to handle and I fear that I have overstepped by touching you.” He peeled his fingers away. 

“Tell me then how can I be incredible and common?” She teased staring up at him as he straightened his posture. 

“Perhaps not so common then,” he brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and collected the food that he had dropped. He piled the bread and fruit between them, showing it off with the utmost of pride. 

“Apples,” she gasped, grabbing the red fruit and bringing it to her nose to smell it. 

Nikolai watched her, his blue eyes growing big with happiness as she savored the fruit, “had I expected this reaction to an apple I would have brought the barrel up.” 

“I believe it would have gained you points on being the most thoughtful Kapitan,” she said shyly.

Zrina took a bite out of the fresh apple, some of the juice escaping down her mouth. Nikolai stepped closer and slid his thumb over her chin picking up the remaining apple juice, “I am not just Kapitan to you, milaya. Or, at least, that’s not what I want to be.”

She stared at him, looking a bit confused, “Then what are you, if not that?”

Nikolai shrugged and continued to move his thumb in a lazy circular motion. Gazing into her eyes he said, “That remains to be seen, little squaller.” He said, with a small smile and a knowing glint in his eyes, as if he knew something she was not aware of.

Zrina wasn’t expecting the sweet gesture, so instead of reacting like any normal person she startled and let the control of her magic slip. Suddenly Nikolai is knocked down and she is standing there, not knowing if she should laugh or apologize. She didn’t anticipate her magic reacting that way. Usually, her magic doesn’t react at all when she is presented with situations where she can get easily flustered or anxious.   

As she was debating what to do and what to say, she heard Nikolai say, “I see I overstepped once again,” laughing as if she didn’t just knock him down unintentionally, that is.

“Saints! I didn’t mean to do that,” she said with a giggle while trying to help him get up.

“Intentionally or not, it was rather funny. I don’t get many opportunities to laugh and be carefree anymore,” he said with a far away look in his eyes. In that moment she wondered what made him think that he can’t laugh or feel joy, when everyone should have that in their lives. 

“Well, I hope to be bearer of more joyful moments lapushka Nikolai,” her last words came out but a whisper and she swallowed thickly, hoping she was not overstepping at the use of them towards the King of Ravka, “if you so wish, of course.” Zrina let her gaze fall to the wooden deck below them unwilling to hold his gaze out of fear of what his answer might be, whether it be a positive response or a negative one because she truly didn’t know how she would handle either. 

She once more felt the tingle of his skin pressed against hers as he tucked his forefinger under her chin, lifting her gaze to meet his. His blue eyes shone brightly under the moonlight more than the stars themselves, a content look in his eyes as he smiled tenderly. “Moya milaya, I think you know the answer to that. I can only beg the Saints to let me have as many as I can, for as long as you’ll allow me.” His voice drew goose bumps all over her body and his honest admission flowed like molten heat, setting her ablaze from the inside. Her breath hitched and a small whimper whispered into the dark sky peppered with a million and one stars as he lifted his other hand to carefully move the loose strand of hair from her usual tidily made braid and tucked it behind her ear so delicately, like she was made of the most precious material he ever seen.

“What is happening here?” She whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

“Something that I hope will continue,” Nikolai whispered back, a soft smile on his lips.

A light breeze picked up and swirled gently around them, lifting up more tendrils of Zrina’s hair, which Nikolai tried to tame as he had the first.  His efforts were in vain though, for the more he tried, the more strands the breeze took hold of.

“Milaya I think that is all you,” he chuckled.

“Sorry,” Zrina replied lowering her gaze as a bashful flush painted her cheeks.

“There is no need for apologies,” he countered, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest.  “The fact that you can do that at all is a marvel and I feel blessed that I am that much of a distraction to you,” he chuckled quietly.

To Zrina’s surprise she felt him press a gentle kiss against her hair and warmth blossomed within her chest. Again a warm breeze brushed through their coats and caused Zrina to shrink within the warm fur collar. Nikolai turned a set of bright blue eyes on her, his smirk producing the most devilish of dimples.

“You are like the mood rings they sell at the market, the wind changes with your smile.” He brushed the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip and it made every muscle in her body warm. “Curious,” he laughed leaning forward. 

“Don’t keep secrets,” Zrina was brave enough to chirp. 

“I just wonder how the wind would react,” he brushed his nose against hers and his breath fanned over her upper lip. “Zrina, would you be greatly opposed to a kiss because knowing how you react when I do feels pivotal to our adventure and of course for science.” He added like it might quell the nervous fireworks that seemed to fire off in her chest. 

“For the science,” she mumbled as he brought his lips closer. 

Nikolai wasted not a second for her to change her mind before he cupped her face in his large hand and pulled her chin to meet him. Their lips slotted together with delicate care as his fingers tangled into her wild hair and the wind pushed them up from the bench they were seated on. Nikolai giggled against her mouth as he deepened the kiss, needy for more as she let herself feel every spark of excitement he created. 

“I very much like science Nikolai,” Zrina giggled as he reluctantly pulled away. 

“Perhaps as much as I like your lips,” he stole another kiss and Zrina leaned into him as he pulled back. “Would you mind?” he laughed, looking nervously to the deck they floated above. 

“Oh!” Zrina looked around them and noticed that they were in fact floating and it wasn’t just her imagination. “If this happened because of a single kiss, I wonder what would happen if it’s more than that,” she said with a nervous laugh. Her abilities were acting strange. She didn’t remember the wind being this powerful. Interesting development, indeed.

“Let’s see if I can bring us down,” she mumbled while trying to concentrate on not just snuffing out her wind all together and making them fall.

“What do you mean?” Nikolai asked nervously.

“Well, I’ve never done this before and I need to concentrate on not letting us fall. It looks like it will hurt if I do,” Zrina was trying not to laugh at the situation they found themselves in. 

Tilting his head, Nikolai smiled, "I trust you.'' 

Zrina closed her eyes, a small smile on her lips. Thoughts of her Kapitan’s kiss stained lips moved like a film through her mind; calming it and bringing her focus back to where it needed to be. 

She took in a soft breath through her nose, holding it for a second before blowing it through her lips. Zrina could feel Nik’s eyes watching her as the two of them started descending back down to the wooden deck below. While the whole situation still kept the butterflies fluttering around in her belly, for some reason, with this version of him beside her, she felt like she could accomplish anything. 

When they were safely back down on the deck, Zrina took in one more deep breath, focusing her wind back upwards into the sails with a satisfied grin tugging at her lips. 

“That’s my girl,” Nikolai whispered from beside her, brushing his fingertips lightly across her cheek. 

A soft chuckle escaped her, and Zrina leaned into his hand, bringing her eyes back to find his blue ones watching her carefully. 

“Do you think if we tried that again you may be able to keep our feet on the deck?” He teased, the fingers of his other hand entwining with hers.

“Perhaps we should sit first,” she giggled, “just in case.”

They sank back to their previous perches on the edge of the platform although this time there was far less distance between them.  Nikolai toyed with Zrina’s hand, turning it this way and that, gently twisting their fingers together before untangling them once more.

“Tell me, little squaller, what does it feel like to hold the power to command the air?” He said softly, his eyes still fixed on their joined hands.

Zrina thought for a moment before raising his hand to face her, steadying it with one hand whilst she scraped a fingernail heavily over his palm and fingers, tracing patterns.  His fingers twitched and he instinctively tried to pull away but then settled, watching intently as she continued to draw shapes against his skin.

“Like that,” she said.  “A tingle but more, it is an urge, a necessity.  I could no more deny it than I could deny…the need to breathe!”

The sails on the ship billowed a little stronger in response to her words drawing both of their attention and Zrina chuckled sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“That is something else you need to stop,” Nikolai said, retrieving his hand and nudging her shoulder.  “There is no need for apologies on my ship.”

“Sor-“ she began but stopped herself at his raised eyebrow.  “It is a hard habit to break.”

“Perhaps an incentive might work?  For every hour you refrain from saying sorry you can have an extra apple in your rations.” He declared smugly.

“How about a kiss instead?” Zrina blurted before slapping her hand over her mouth and flushing as red as the apples she loved.

“Oh ho!” Nikolai laughed, his eyes twinkling with amused delight. “My bold little squaller. Those you can have for free.”

Her eyes fluttered as he brushed his nose against hers but instead of granting her another kiss, his teeth sunk into the flesh of her apple. She gasped, laughter trickling from her lips as he finally stole her breath and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to her mouth. 

“You can have whatever you wish Zrina, just ask,” he said as he pulled away. His blue eyes were more serious than before. She felt the warmth from his words blossom in his chest but he still seemed so sad and she couldn’t help but wonder why.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked. 

 “Of course not.” He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “It’s just a feeling that plagues me in the quiet hours.”

“Is that why you are awake?”

“I hardly sleep anymore,” he answered, his brows kissing together. “The war is over,” he whispered to the clouds, “and yet-” he stopped again, choking on the words he meant to say out loud. “Zrina, is it silly to be more afraid of being King than I am fighting or flying?” He turned to her, the confident king gone from his gaze leaving behind the quiet, fearful puppy prince. 

“Fear does not care if you are a king, Nikolai.” Zrina whispered, tangling her fingers into the loose opening of his tunic softly. 

“Do not tell my advisors that,” he offered her a sad chuckle. 

“You are already twice the man that the old king wished to be,” she said, “perhaps he was not afraid enough, too confident in his prejudice and laws. Perhaps what Ravka needs is a king afraid of failing, a king who walks with his fear instead of wielding it to harm others beneath him.”

He stared at her for a moment longer before the corner of his mouth upturned and the dimple returned to his cheek. She thought for a second she may have spoken too brazenly with her king but he leaned in, brushing his lips against hers and drew out a lazy kiss from her mouth as his hand slipped to rest around the base of her throat. 

“Thank you,” he whispered in retreat. 

“You don’t need to thank me,” Zrina shrugged, “It’s just words, but people often forget how powerful words can be. If I would have been surrounded by people that didn’t make me feel ashamed of feeling scared of doing something, I think I would’ve been a different person now,” Zrina knows how much the feeling of being afraid has influenced her life and knowing that someone so brilliant and strong as him is afraid of doing something makes her feel less alone.

“You speak as you know how it feels like. Tell me little squaller, what are you afraid of?” he asked bemused. 

“Everyone is afraid of something, I guess,” she answered sleepily. The excitement of the day had finally got to her. “Don’t let people fool you into believing that they have it all figured it out when in reality they don’t,” Zrina was mumbling at this point. She didn’t even know if she was making sense or not.

“Fine way of not answering the question. Very well, I guess I’ll get that answer some other day,” he said chuckling. 

A small smile tugged at her lips, “Do not worry, Kapitan. We will continue this conversation later… after some sleep. I can barely keep my thoughts straight.”

She started to get up, but he held onto her arm, stopping her. Zrina looked back at him, a question written on her face. “Would you stay here with me?”

“What? Sleep outside on the deck?” she asked, a little confused. “What if we get cold?”

Nikolai had a wicked glint in his eyes, “I can keep you warm.” 

Zrina rolled her eyes and chuckled, “Be serious! I want to sleep.” 

He continued looking at her, the playful glint in his eyes was now gone and replaced with a much softer gaze, “Yes, I want us to sleep on the deck. I want to show you something and I fear that if we go below deck, we might miss it.”

“What is it that you want to show me,” curiosity got the best of her. 

“The reason why I like to stay up every night.”

“And what reason would be so important as to keep the great Sturmhond from his bed?” Zrina asked.

“Stay with me and find out,” he insisted as a charming smile bloomed across his face.

A fizz of nervous excitement grew in her belly as Zrina regarded the handsome Kapitan.  She had overcome so many of her fears today that she may as well continue with another.

“Alright,” she murmured, nervously tucking her hands up into the sleeves of her kefta.

The beam of joy that came from Nikolai made her heart soar and she was utterly grateful for the courage she’d found that made her say yes.  He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest as he settled them both against the side of the platform and then bent his head down to give her one more sweet kiss.  She could feel his hum of delight as she nuzzled deeper against him.  As their breathing grew deeper and more steady, just beginning to take on the rhythm of sleep she murmured against his chest.

“Everything.”

“Hmm?” he responded sleepily.

“I was afraid of everything,” she whispered, but there on the deck, as Nikolai tightened his arms reassuringly around her, Zrina found herself unable to be afraid of anything at all.

A flutter across her cheek and then the softest whisper against her lips pulled Zrina slowly from her slumber.  Her mouth curved into a soft smile as her eyes opened and found herself staring into the ocean blue gaze of the Kapitan.  He hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to meet his lips, kissing her gently once, and then a second time before returning her smile with his own.

“Good morning, Milaya,” he rumbled, his voice hoarse from sleep.

“Is it?” Zrina asked, for the sky was still mostly dark.

“Almost,” he said, bumping his nose against hers and chuckling low in his throat.  “I would like to share this moment with you, if I can.”

Unwrapping his arms from around her he rose to his feet and held out his hand.  She took it gladly, allowing him to pull her up and lead her over to the starboard rail.  He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her once more as they took in the sky that began to lighten in the east.

“Watch this,” he murmured in her ear before resting his head against hers.

Zrina placed her hands atop his, lacing their fingers together as the sky began to grow brighter along the horizon.  The scattering of clouds below them remained dark islands in a midnight sea and then suddenly there was a blinding flash of brilliant white as the sun made its first appearance of the brand new day.  The sky flowed rapidly into an ombre of blues, whilst the clouds began to glow orange and the world below looked as if it were on fire.

Zrina could not stop the tears that tracked down her cheeks at the sheer beauty of it all.  She tightened her grip on Nickolai’s hands, fearful that she may get swept away by the intensity of her emotions.

“Nikolai,” she gasped in awe, unable to articulate the experience.

“I know, Milaya, I know,” he crooned in her ear, fully remembering how it felt to see this wonder for the first time.

Zrina turned slightly, her eyes darting between his face and the wondrous sunrise.  He was bathed in a golden hue, looking every inch the king that he was, but the smile he wore was just for her.  He raised his hand to her face and brushed away a tear gently with his thumb and she tilted her face up to him, going up onto her toes to press her lips against his.  He tasted of sunshine, and new beginnings. “I have never shared this wonder with anyone before,” he murmured when Zrina finally pulled away, “but I would share each and every other sunrise with you, Zrina.”

“It would be my honor, Nikolai,” she whispered back and he pressed another kiss to her lips before they turned once again to face the growing daylight together.

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lanstov au #nikolai lanstov x oc #sturmhond #sturmhond au #sturmhond nikolai x oc #grishaverse au #shadow and bone #shadow and bone au #grishaverse #nikolai lanstov fluff #nikolai lanstov imagine #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lanstov oneshot #nikolai lanstov fic #grishaverse oneshot #grishaverse one shot #thesugarclub #oneshot #one shot #imagine #fluff #privateer x oc #writers #writing collaboration #writing community

[infin1ty-garden]

MASTERLIST.

Hello everyone! My requests are OPEN

request guidelines here!

❝ [ prompts & scenarios ] ❞ & ❝ [ fic recs ] ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [ formula 1 ] ❞

『 headcanons 』

LOVE ALARM ೃ⁀➷ what if the love alarm existed in real life feat. f1 drivers STILL ALIVE - scream/ghostface au! ೃ⁀➷ headcanons of the f1 drivers as the scream killer, ghostface

『 logan sargeant 』

I NEED YOU - the last of us au! ೃ⁀➷ in which you and Logan spend your last night in Jackson

『 esteban ocon 』

IF YOU NEED A HERO - spider-man au! ೃ⁀➷ headcanons of what it's like to meet spider-man! esteban ocon

『 lance stroll 』

ACROSS THE STARS - star wars au! ೃ⁀➷ headcanons of dating a inquisitor! lance stroll

『 lando norris 』

HOT BLOODED - figure skating au! ೃ⁀➷ after a falling out you and lando have to perform a routine together and old feelings start to come back

『 liam lawson 』

FULL THROTTLE - street racer au! ೃ⁀➷ liam thinks you deserve better

╰┈➤ ❝ [ shadow & bone ] ❞

『 headcanons 』

VALENTINE'S DAY ೃ⁀➷ headcanons of the shadow & bone characters on valentine's day

『 nikolai lanstov 』

GUARDIAN ANGEL - siren! reader ೃ⁀➷ hearing rumors of the fountain of youth, and finally finding a heading, nikolai decides to follow the rumors

『 zoya nazyalensky 』

NOW OR NEVER ೃ⁀➷ after a mission you and zoya are forced to share a tent together

『 alina starkov 』

I WOULDN'T SAY THAT - the mummy (1999) au! ೃ⁀➷ alina confesses her feelings while imhotep wants to sacrifice her

╰┈➤ ❝ [ scream ] ❞

『 headcanons 』

THE GHOSTFACES REACT TO YOU BEING A F1 FAN ೃ⁀➷ exactly what the title says

『 jill roberts 』

UNDER THE BLEACHERS ೃ⁀➷ jill’s childhood friend confess their love for her DYNAMITE TOUCH ೃ⁀➷ jill sprained ankle and you help her home THAT'S RICH ೃ⁀➷ you keep teasing jill about her height and she does something about it UNTIL THE END ೃ⁀➷ you move back to woodsboro during the events of scream 4 MEET MY FRIENDS ೃ⁀➷ jill's friends can't believe she is dating someone shorter than her

╰┈➤ ❝ [ heroes of olympus ] ❞

『 jason grace 』

YOU ARE MY HERO - superman au! ೃ⁀➷ headcanons of dating superman! jason grace

╰┈➤ ❝ [ slytherin boys ] ❞

『 headcanons 』

MEMORIES MAKE EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT ೃ⁀➷ where you fake amnesia to get out of a fight with your enemy and he lies and tells you'd been dating for a year

╰┈➤ ❝ [ the quarry ] ❞

『 max brinly 』

I WOULD DIE FOR HER ೃ⁀➷ max does everything to save you the last night of summer camp

╰┈➤ ❝ [ detroit become human ] ❞

『 connor 』

A CALL AWAY ೃ⁀➷ connor and hank investigate a weird 911 call

╰┈➤ ❝ [ one shots ] ❞

『 kara zor-el 』

NOT ON EARTH ೃ⁀➷ you and kara decided to stay in for the night

『 dar-benn 』

I LOVED YOU FOREVER ೃ⁀➷ dar-benn tries to save you

#f1 x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x you #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #formula one x reader #formula one x you #logan sargeant x reader #esteban ocon x reader #nikolai lanstov x reader #shadow & bone #genya safin x reader #zoya nazyalensky x reader #tamar kir bataar x reader #tolya yul bataar x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x reader #lance stroll x y/n #lance stroll x reader #lance stroll x you #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #kara zor el x reader #logan sargeant x you #esteban ocon x you #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x reader #oscar piastri x you

[clairecrive]

Hi could we please get a really angsty fic with nikolai (with a happy ending pls) where reader and he has had a fight so they maintain the facade on the outside bc they're royals but in private it's just ignoring each other/angst?

Young Royals

A/N: ahh, this is angsty alright but it seems I'm only capable of writing hurt/comfort lately. This took a life of its own and it's long af but I hope you like it anyway x

Warnings: miscommunication, angst, fighting, hurt/comfort, Nikolai is a bit absent, you're a bit jealous of his relationship with Zoya

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofsheilds , @for-bebbanburg , @randomoutsiders , @pansysgirlfriend , @hannaxmaria , @vintagebitc , @story-scribbler , @crowssixof , @odetostep,@lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis, @carnationworld,@thanossexual, @luvxginger, @sanna2020,@partiesandblurrypolaroids, @edithsvoice, @wafflesandschemingfaces (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

"Do not put words into my mouth, Nikolai."

"Please, you already have so many, my love," he scoffed and the use of the term of endearment hurt the most.

"You're making me sound like a brat while I'm providing you with a viable solution," you insisted with a flare of your hands, frustrated by his unwillingness to listen to you.

"No, you're not. What you're doing is being childish."

"I'm your queen, Nikolai. I'm only asking to be more involved."

"You're my wife, y/n, and you know nothing about politics or running a country." He retired, putting emphasis on wife. This felt a lot like being put into place. And the fact that it was your husband doing so, hurt. It was also the most you had seen him this week.

"Neither did Zoya, nor Genya or anyone who's currently running the country."

"That's different and you know it."

"Only because you're making it so," you exclaimed finally exploding. His despondency got on your nerves and this conversation was going nowhere anyway.

Surprised by your raise of voice, Nikolai stood before you just blinking at you.

Sighing, you took a step toward him, holding your hands up, "look, you're right, I don't know about running a country but teach me. I'm not stupid, I'll pick it up."

"Why are you insisting so much? You've never shown any interest in politics before." He gave you a puzzled look like he didn't really believe your intentions.

"I've never wanted to be queen before." before meeting you.

"Ah, I see," he chuckled mirthlessly, "I put you in this situation and now you're taking your revenge."

To insinuate that your marriage with him was you "being put into a situation" rather than a consensual decision you had made out of love was absurd.

Nikolai was right. You had never cared about politics or diplomacy before meeting him. You were a soldier. There was no reason for you to meddle with something that didn't concern you.

But now you were queen and you felt a responsibility towards your people. You wanted to help but so far, Nikolai hadn't allowed you to take part in any meetings. He said that anyone who needed to be there was already involved. What he didn't tell you was that while Grisha made excellent soldiers and even good councillors, one of them being a royal was a very different matter.

He had indulged his love for you by marrying you. You were his vice and he simply couldn't accept the idea of being without you anymore. He had married you, consequently making you queen, going against what his advisors told him.

While he ignored his warnings he was painfully aware, however, how difficult it was going to be for a Grisha on the throne. It was the first time something liked this had ever happened and unfortunately, the country was filled with people who resented Grisha for their powers.

Nikolai feared that the people were never going to accept you. Hence why he'd been keeping you secluded in the palace.

To be fair, you were doing a wonderful job. Like he had pointed out, you were not accustomed to politics but you made up for that with empathy and kindness. You started to interest yourself with the problem of poverty and lack of provisions for some parts of the country.

And while no one was aware of it, Nikolai often turned to you for military strategy. You were an apt soldier and had fought bravely alongside him and everyone else in the battle of the Fold. You were the very reason why he was still alive, to be honest.

While this arrangement worked for the first months of your reign, it was starting to feel an inadequate effort. You needed to do more, you wanted to do more. You didn't expect Nikolai to oppose it so vehemently.

"If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be, Nikolai, you'd do well to remember it," you pointed out coldly, straightening your spine.

"Since you seem so adverse at spending time with me or including me in important matters, I'll find someone else who will." And with that, chin held high, you walked out of the room.

You missed him. It felt absurd to say this but you missed your husband. He was always busy with meetings or official visits to some noble across the country. For most of them, he went alone or with Zoya.

You knew that she was his first in command but you couldn't help but be bothered by it. It was one thing to accept the fact that he hadn't given the role to you "because the queen cannot have that role as well", it was a whole other thing to accept the fact that another woman spent more time with your husband than you did.

Countless were the fights you had with him in this regard. But they were pointless. Nikolai was still set on not bringing you and he and Zoya were always found together.

You didn't know what hurt more. The blow at your pride for being denied a position you deserved because of who you loved, the jealousy or being punished for your identity.

One thing was sure though, it was getting too much. At first, you pulled thought for Nikolai but now that you didn't have him anymore, your efforts seemed to be in vain.

So, like you had told Nikolai, you looked for someone who was willing to teach you. You wanted to help and if Nikolai wasn't going to let you here at the palace, then you'd find somewhere else.

Count Kirigin had always been nice to you and he was a very generous host. You knew that he played a central role in Nikolai's plan so you thought that there was no one better than him.

You reached out to him, wrote him a letter in which you showed interest in his activity and asked him if he was willing to show you. Of course, anything that came from the queen or the king couldn't be denied but you knew that the Count truly enjoyed your company. If your position didn't put so much higher than everybody else, you'd even consider him a friend.

You waited for his reply before putting in motion the preparations for your departure.

In the meantime, you and Nikolai kept conducting your separate lives. Usually, you'd only see him at night when he returned to your chambers if you were still up. Now, you had decided to sleep in separate rooms too.

If he wanted a wife, then a wife he'd get. But kings and queens do not sleep together.

If the new arrangement was bothering him, you didn't know. He hadn't reached out to you nor made any move to rectify your decision.

Turns out that he wasn't even at the Palace. He had left for a mission near the border with Shu Han and wouldn't be back for at least a week. Well, then. Of course, he didn't even bother with telling you. Not even a small note.

Jokes on him though, you thought, since when he was going to come back, he'd finally get what he wanted. You weren't going to be there to bother him anymore.

Differently from him though, you did indeed left him a note. Nikolai found it a week after you had set it on his pillow. Its presence made him furrow his eyebrows since he had already been wondering where you were. You usually came out to meet him at the gates whenever he'd come back from a mission and even though you had fought before he went away, you weren't one for holding grudges. So e guessed there was something holding you.

Unfolding the paper he was met with your familiar chaotic writing.

"I don't know when you're going to find this letter but if I'm not there yet it means that I'm still at Count Kirigin's. Do not bother with writing or visiting, I'll come back when my business with him is done.

Y/n"

What in the name of every sweet loving saint???

The letter wasn't dated, no dear, no yours no nothing. Fuck. You were still mad or worse, hurt.

Asking one of the servants, he learned that you had been away for a week already. But what business could you possibly have with the Count??

Nikolai had nothing against him. Seeing Kirigin get all flustered as he tried to flirt with Zoya amused him to no end but the idea of him and you in the same house? Alone?? Unacceptable.

Not even bothering to change clothes after his long journey, Nikolai headed to the stables to ask for a well-rested horse. Luckily, Count Kirigin's estate was not too far away. A couple of hours ride.

Turns out that the Count had a lot to teach. Despite his aloof reputation and extravagant clothes, he was very observant. He lacked ambition, which was why Nikolai trusted him and had a curious way of behaving in social situations.

But Emil had been born and raised in high society. He knew how things were run even if he had no desire to be in charge of them.

So far, you'd be having a wonderful time. Emil was a wonderful host, as you remembered, but without Nikolai's presence, he was even more extravagant. He had an unexpectedly dry sense of humour and a never-ending list of jokes.

Being in the open and in the company of someone who saw y/n instead of the Queen of Ravka proved to be even more needed than you thought. You felt reinvigorated and much lighter than you'd ever been.

You had also been learning a lot. Emil had been teaching you about diplomacy. About the best ways of formulating a sentence so that you wouldn't offend anyone but still get what you wanted. He had also been talking to you about your husband's ministers. About their weaknesses and vices and what was the best way to approach them to get what you wanted.

So far, it was proving to be a wonderful decision to come here.

Whenever your mind strayed on Nikolai, you willed it to focus on something else. You didn't know if he had already come home or seen the letter. A part of you thought that if he had, he would at least write one back. But the thought felt a lot like hope and seeing as how little he saw you even before you left, you didn't think it safe to harbour it.

When Nikolai reached the estate, he was met with Kirigin's servants. They welcomed him inside and profusely apologised for the Count's absence. They told him that at this time of the day, Kirigin and his guest would usually go out on a ride but that they were also about to return.

So Nikolai waited, sitting in the most comfortable chair the Count owned, fuming at the thought that his wife had felt the need to go away and be in the company of another man.

"If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be Nikolai. You'd do well to remember it."

Your words haunted him. They were the last thing that you told him. How stupid had he been to let you walk away. How utterly careless of him to disregard you like that.

He had promised himself to truly talk to you about it once this pressing matter of state was taken care of. Apparently, he had waited too long.

But Nikolai knew that the problem was at the source. He noticed how hurt you had been when he made Zoya his first in command. Or how sad you seemed everywhere he went somewhere with her and didn't ask you to join.

He was doing so to protect you from the inevitable slander you'd be met with. He should have known though that putting you aside was going to be even worse. You were a fighter just as much as Zoya was, if not stronger.

She hid behind her veil of indifference and superiority while you had never lost that emphatic verve that made everyone love you so much. In his attempt to make you safe, he had only managed to hurt you.

You were a warrior. You had accepted the role of queen only because it was the only way for you to be with Nikolai. And instead of praising you by making you a warrior queen, he had decided to hide you away.

Well, no more.

If his mistakes had not ruined everything already, he was going to make everything better.

Lost in his musing, he didn't hear the sound of hooves approaching but he did indeed hear your laugh. It immediately brought him back to the present and a wave of ugly jealousy hit him.

He couldn't remember the last time he made you laugh.

"I shouldn't even laugh Emil, the joke was terrible," Nikolai hear you giggling from somewhere in the hall. So now he was Emil, huh.

"You know you can't resist my charm, your highness," Emil replied and Nikolai had to call on every bit of his self-control to not barge out of the room and punch him.

"Stop it, you know you can call me y/n."

Before Emil could reply, they had both made it to the sitting room where Nikolai was waiting for them. It looked like no one had warned them of his presence because Kirigin looked surprised then utterly mortified.

"Your majesty, I wasn't aware you were here. Please forgive me for making you wait."

"Don't fret Kirigin, it was an impromptu visit. I came to see how my lovely wife was doing." No matter how green he was feeling right now, he knew that Kirigin was loyal to him and the crown. Whatever was happening here wasn't one of his schemes.

"Of course! I'm going to send for some tea while you two get reunited." Kirigin quickly bowed before hurrying out of the room.

Nikolai met your eyes for the first time since you had arrived. If at first, you were surprised to see him, now you couldn't help but be a bit sceptical about this visit.

"What are you doing here?" you asked breaking the ice.

"You leave with only a few lines on where you're going and you expect me to just accept it?" He scoffed, his hands curling on the armrests of the chair.

"It's more than what you gave me," you quipped, crossing your arms on your chest.

Nikolai sighed while his gloved hands run through his hair. You were right and he knew it. He had been a horrible husband lately.

"I know you're mad at me, honey, but listen-"

"I'm not mad. You didn't want to give me what I wanted so I went looking for it somewhere else." Scrolling your shoulders, you interrupted him without meeting his eyes. A list of excuses was not what you wanted nor what you needed from him.

Nikolai didn't miss the innuendo. His jaw clenched, his hands closed in fists. But he willed himself to stay calm.

"You think Kirigin can give you something that I can't?" Nikolai was a master in diplomacy. Never did he get frustrated or angry or raised his voice, even with the most aggravating people. Here though, with you, he didn't have to keep a façade. He spoke through his teeth barely containing his anger.

"Well, so far, he's been giving me attention and interesting pointers that no, Nikolai, you refused to give me."

"So this is how you solve your problems? Running away in the countryside with Emil?" Nikolai sneered, his tone souring around Kirigin's name.

"Don't you do the same with your precious first in command?" Tired after your ride with Emil, you plopped down on the chair in front of Nikolai's. Completely ignoring his tone, you pointed out calmly. The perfect image of aloofness even when it was the last thing you were in this moment.

"That's different," he snapped trying to meet your eyes that were carefully analyzing your hands.

"Yes," you signed, "it seems that when I'm concerned everything is different."

"There's nothing between me and Zoya, y/n and you know it." Nikolai was getting more frustrated by the second. He came here to apologize, to make things right and so far, the conversation was going in the opposite directions.

"Maybe now, but you spend more time with her than you do with me. It's only a matter of time before it happens and you're sorely mistaken if you think I'll just stand by and watch."

"This is not about Zoya," he insisted but so far, he wasn't getting the reaction out of you he wanted. You seemed... resigned at the situation. And that worried Nikolai to no end.

"It never is."

"Why did you run away?" Opting for a more direct approach, he bit the bullet and went straight to the point.

"I did not run away," you scoffed in contempt at his choice of words, "I told you I wanted to do more and Emil is teaching me. Not everyone is so against spending time with me, you know." You shot him a glance.

It was the first time that you had looked at him since you had been left alone.

"I married you, y/n. How can you possibly believe I don't want to spend time with you?" As desperation slipped through his words, Nikolai leaned towards you in his seat. As if he couldn't bear the distance between you anymore. But you knew it wasn't that. You and he had been distant for months now.

"Because that's what's happening, Nikolai," you clipped back and Nikolai had to refrain from wincing at your tone.

"It's not intentional, my love, I've just been busy." His tone softened. It was a poor excuse of an apology but it was sadly the truth.

"But when I say that I want to join or help you with it you strongly oppose?" Again, there was that suspicious implication in your words that Nikolai just couldn't stand. To think that you believed he'd ever cheat on you with another woman when he had done so much, taken so many risks, to be with you.

"It's not what you think, y/n." He insisted again but immediately realized he had said the wrong thing when he saw you leaning back into your chair shaking your head.

"I don't think anything, anymore. Do whatever you want. You do your thing and I'll do mine. I won't be a bother to you anymore." Holding up your hands, you gestured as you spoke.

A beat. Nikolai froze in his seat at what you were suggesting.

"You're never a bother to me. Never." He leaned even forwards in his chair, basically only propping on it now. The desperation was now clear in his voice. He reached out to you to try and take hold of your hands but you were too distant.

"I love you more than anything in this world and if you think that I'm going to let you go without a fight, you're sorely mistaken." The steel determination of his words caught you off guard. Nikolai was strong-headed, you knew that better than anyone else, but it had been a long while since that determination had been directed to you.

"You already did." It was barely a whisper. The sad truth about your reality, the downfall of your relationship. The wavering of your voice, the pain in your eyes were enough to tip Nikolai off the edge.

"Milaya, please."He fell onto his knees in front of you. Leaning forward he reached for your hands that he could now hold. "I'm sorry. I put you in a difficult position when I married you and I tried my best to protect you."

"I don't need protecting, Nikolai, especially if it's by pushing me away."

"I was keeping you away from danger and I know that you're strong and capable but I hate to think of you as the object of public slander." His eyes darted between yours, frantic, desperate to make you understand.

"I'm Grisha, Nikolai. It's nothing new to me," you pointed out but then it hit you.

"By difficult position, you meant a Grisha Queen, didn't you?" Your eyes hardened at the implications, your hands going slack in his hold. You would have pulled them away if Nikolai didn't tighten his hold.

"Please, do not think I'm regretting my choice or I think you're not worthy of the title because that's not true." Pulling your hands, he tried to get you closer to him. "I fear that there will be repercussions among the people." And there it was, at last, the truth.

"And among your ministers," you added remembering Emil's lessons on the people at court and their role.

You scoffed when he stayed silent. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing, my love."

"So Zoya can handle it and I can't?"

"For the millionth time," he groaned, "I don't care about Zoya."

"I only care about you and I know you can handle it. I just didn't want you to. You deserve happiness and peaceful life and I know it's impossible to have in this saints' forsaken country but I can at least try." His eyes lowered in shame and his confession sent a pang through your heart. You took a moment to take in what he said.

Never had you thought about the possibility of Nikolai's distance was a form of protection. You were a soldier of the Second Army, after all. But being a queen, especially a Grisha one, was a delicate thing.

It was the first time in history that something like this happened. Nikolai's worries were not unfounded since even after the destruction of the Fold, anti-Grisha movements were spreading fast.

It was sad to see the General's attempt of assuring safety for Grisha, provoking exactly the opposite thing.

"Oh, Kolya," returning his grip, you leaned towards him, "I just want a life with you by my side."

"As do I. I want you always and forever but above all, I want you safe. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you know it right?"

"I just ask that you tell me the truth and let me play the role I've been given."

"It's not going to be easy. People at court-"

"I know. That's why I'm here. Emil's been teaching."

"Well, no more. I'm going to take care of it from now on."

"Is this a promise or a threat?"

"Rest assured my love, the difference between the two is almost nonexistent." He flashed you a smirk and you couldn't help but smile at him. Here it was, your beloved Nikolai.

"Things are going to change, aren't they?" you murmured softly as he gently rested his forehead against yours.

"We're going to show everyone what a "power couple" is." Here was his promise. Sealed with the gentlest nudging of his nose to yours. The action made you smile and your heart soar. You missed these little moments of intimacy with him.

One of his hands came to cradle your face as the other kept hold of your left hand. Your rings softly clicked as they touched. A form of reassurance.

"I love you, y/n."

"And I you, Kolya."

You were completely lost in your little bubble, even more so when Nikolai's lips finally met yours, that you had forgotten where you were. And that there was an embarrassed Kirigin outside the door waiting for the right moment to come in with tea.

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lanstov x you #nikolai lanstov angst #nikolai lanstov fic #nikolai lanstov imagine #nikolai lanstov imagines #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lanstov fluff #grishaverse #shadow and bone

[mayfieldss]

In passing - Nikolai Lantsov

Warnings: death, angst, fluff.

AN: did i just throw in random characters I adored for this fic? Yes. Not sure when this fic is set, but Nikolai is still a prince.

Summary: After Nikolai dies, you mourn his loss, only to learn something isn't right.

The battle had been brutal. Heart breaking and gut-wrenching, something that men told stories of but never truly witnessed. It hadn't been the worst you'd seen, but it was violent, terrifying, bloody beyond words. And it was the last thing you wanted to remember. Because with that battle, so dark and grim, came the loss of lives, one in particular that you had only ever witnessed in your cursed nightmares.

You hadn't slept in days, unable to wipe the memory from your mind for more than a second, afraid that in sleep you might see it more clearly, relive the nightmare you so dearly wanted to escape. Nikolai was gone. You had watched him fall, unsure if the cries of pain that echoed in the evening even belonged to him. You had been told by Tolya that the prince never made a sound. That he was nothing but silent as he fell to his knees, sword buried deep in his abdomen as the rocks fell and obscured your view of his dying eyes.

Tolya had explained to you many times that the cries you'd heard were your own, that the heartache that came from your lips was what echoed through the battlefield. But you couldn't believe it. You had heard him surely, seen him collapse with a final breath. You swore he had screamed, but perhaps you just wanted to hear something from him, a sound, whether in the form of your name or not, to remember him by. The cries of a dying man—a dead man—were an odd thing to hope for, but you couldn't bear to remember silence as if no one had cared for his passing. No one but you.

You knew the others mourned. They had cried for him just the same, laying flowers to the dirt knowing somewhere Nikolai's body would be on the same soil, though it was never found. But there was a pain inside you that no one else could possibly feel.

You had cried to the stars the night you lost Nikolai, screaming every word you'd never spoken to him. Pleading the saints to replace his body with yours. Begging to see his smile in the stars, accompanied by a witty and flirtatious comment. Anything would have done.

You told the sky everything you had never said to the prince, how you'd loved him more than the moons shine, how a thousand stars could never compete with what you felt for the clever Lantsov. But it wasn't the same. Only now did you realize that secrets couldn't last forever, that they would escape eventually. Yours unfortunately forced from you by the bribe of bloodshed.

On the third day after Nikolai's death, you found yourself feeling empty. You were still shaken to your core, emotions coming in waves upon your heart and soul, but with this emotion came the realization that you were no longer complete. There was a void left in you, meant to be filled by a boy who had long since gone to the heavens. Nothing could fill it. No liquor or food, no fighting nor gambles could fix the part of you lost to death. But somehow you found yourself cherishing that darkness. It was a reminder of him. Of where Nikolai had been. As painful as it was to feel so hollow without him, you didn't want the feeling to leave, because if it did, perhaps Nikolai would truly leave with it. You didn't want to forget him.

Tolya, Tamar, and your other companions tried to console you. They made do with what you gave them, which was at best a nod or a weak smile, and after a few days they realized there was nothing they could do other than simply wait for your pain to pass. You had never confessed your feelings for Nikolai to anyone, but now it seemed that everyone knew, and if they had suspected beforehand no one said a thing. It wouldn't help if they did and it was best not to press on the subject, twist the knife in the wound.

You found yourself thinking of Nikolai with every passing moment. Simple things that lay in your path bringing back shimmering memories of him. Ravka's prince held residence everywhere you looked, only hurting you more. You would pace your quarters over and over, each step leading you closer to collapse, until finally you would let yourself fall, weeping uncontrollably. You felt weak. A solider wasn't supposed to act this way. But here you were, days gone by and still broken over a boy. A boy you had teased relentlessly, but loved, nonetheless.

In the presence of the others, you tried to regain that of who you had once been, but it never seemed to work. You would laugh at small jokes Tolya would make over dinner, or comment on Zoya's snobby behaviour, and for a while the simple act might lift the mood, but you could only make it so far before it tired you.

You had no idea how Nikolai had been capable of so many fake faces. Meetings with his father, brother, generals, spent with the grin of a proud prince. On ships sailing away he was Strumhond, an entirely different man, more himself than he ever was at the little palace or anywhere else other than with you. That hurt most of all. Being with Nikolai brought out the best in you, but even better, it brought out the best in him. Whether anyone would see that great side of you again you didn't know, but you doubted it fully.

Often, you would go and sit under the night sky, coming down to a private place before dark to watch the sun set. The same time you watched Nikolai fall.

From here you would sit and stare at the sky until it grew black and speckled with small lights. You would look at each star flickering and sometimes you would cry. Sometimes you would laugh or scream, or sit with nothing left to say at all, the pure silence that you'd dreaded on that fateful day.

It was on one of these nights, that something strange hung in the air. There was noise in the trees, but it wasn't the natural kind. There was no wind to be felt, not even a breeze, and all the animals would have long past been asleep, other than that of your nocturnal companions, of whom never made such a ruckus.

Footsteps were what made you truly alert. The sound of heavy footfalls slow paced but there, as they hit the cracking leaves between the trees. Crushing against the twigs that graced the ground. You weren't afraid. If anything, you were mad that this stranger had intruded upon your nightly ritual.

"Whoever you are, turn and go back the way you came. I am busy moping in my losses and am not in the mood to chat with some traveling scoundrel".

Nothing in the form of words came as a response to your speech but the footfalls seemed to grow louder, more frantic at your voice.

"I'm telling you to leave!" You shouted towards the trees with little to no response once more.

The footsteps continued further until they were silenced with the soft grass at the edge of the wood. You knew the stranger was still stumbling your way, because you could see them now, a shadow seeming to belong to a man, stood at the treeline. He limped forward, making what might have been a beeline in your direction had he not been so slow.

Standing, you brushed yourself off. If this man wanted to face the wrath of a grieving and desolate solider, so be it. You would show him what it was like to live with death on your hands, to have the shrapnel of war imbedded in your mind. You would give him a piece of it.

He might have been an innocent traveller, just passing. Perhaps an old frail man. That would give reason for his limping struggle across the grass, but at this point you didn't care.

You waited patiently enough as the man stumbled to you, closer and closer he came with nothing but harsh, pained grunts leaving his lips. You examined him as best you could in the darkness, hunched over as if hurt, blonde hair that shone in the now reappearing moonlight. He was young, with that of a torn shirt and a dark blue blazer covering his torso, the double eagles of Ravka shone gold in the moon’s fluorescence, embroidered into his blazer with a glimmering thread. With a start, you began to recognize him and as he looked up to meet your gaze, the breath was stolen from your lungs. Nikolai Lantsov stood in front you, beaten and bruised but alive.

Your heart clenched tightly in your chest as though gripped by an invisible hand. It was him, the boy you'd spent weeks mourning, standing in front of you with relief in his eyes. "Nikolai?" your voice was a mere whisper, but it didn't matter, he heard it just the same.

"I was expecting a grander introduction, but I suppose that will do".

You couldn't bring yourself to move. You wanted to run to him, embrace him and scold him. Tell him he was to never leave you again. But you simply stood there, tears welling in your eyes and afraid to move out of the fear your legs would buckle and leave you crying in the dirt.

"You know, I was thinking something along the lines of 'Look everyone It's Nikolai Lantsov, greatest heartthrob of Ravka, brilliant prince, solider and dancer, wow he's alive!' but I guess that can wait until later".

He was mere steps away from you now and the anguish you had been feeling over the last few weeks seemed amplified by a thousand. The part of you that had gone missing was now standing before you with a pained grin, giving you the witty comments, you had previously begged the stars for.

When Nikolai grasped your hand in his, you felt the first of your tears begin to fall, and as they did, so did you. Your knees buckled and despite the obvious agony Nikolai was in, he caught you just in time, keeping you on your feet with your body pressed to his. You gripped him tight crying and cursing into his shoulder, his arms wrapping around you tightly as though he'd missed you just as much.

"I'm starting to think that maybe you need me".

You found yourself chuckling through sobs, lacing your arms around Nikolai's neck to keep him close. "That's because I do".

Nikolai pulled back slightly to look at you, the light from the moon highlighting his own tear stained cheeks. 'You look positively miserable, I thought I would have the opposite affect".

"Well losing you doesn't exactly bring a smile to my face".

"That's good to know".

Seeing him, here in front of you was almost frightening. What if you were to wake up and find that it was all some horrible trick? Perhaps the tables would turn and you would witness his death once more in some twisted nightmare. You found your tears falling again at the thought.

"Please tell me you're real".

The sad smile that graced Nikolai's lips before fell away, replaced with the seriousness only seen whilst he sat discussing some unwinnable battle. "I'm real".

"I watched you die" you found yourself frowning at him unable to come to terms with his being.

"I didn't die, but I was close to it".

You glanced down between your two bodies, running a hand over the place where you had seen the steel stab through him.

"Nikolai you were impaled, I don't understand".

Nikolai chuckled as his hand came up to meet your cheek, brushing at the strands of hair stuck to the tears on your skin. "I truly am a man of luck" For a moment he went quiet, the memories haunting him as they had you, "Honestly, I didn't think I was going to make it, but a healer was lying next to me in the dirt. He didn't have much life left in him but somehow he'd managed to save me" Nikolai paused, a dark sadness behind his eyes, "I never learned his name".

"I wish I could thank him" This time it was you who paused, staring at the boy in front of you. It was dark other than the light of the moon, but his hazel eyes shone brightly like gems. You didn't want to blink, fearing he might just disappear. "He brought you back to me".

It was then that Nikolai chuckled, and you could tell his was falling back into that of his mischievous self, though his pain was still there.

"Don't get soft on me now Y/N, I might start thinking you love me".

You couldn't stop yourself from saying it, and in all honestly you didn't want to stop yourself. When you thought Nikolai was forever gone your greatest regret had been never confessing, and though it was nerve-wracking, whether he felt the same or not didn't matter. You just wanted him to know. "What if I do?".

There was a silence, for a moment you thought you'd lost Nikolai again, until he broke out in a grin.

"Did you just tell me you love me Y/N L/N?" He was grinning like a mad dog now and you couldn't help but laugh at his behaviour. He seemed to grip you tighter as you smiled back at him, your heart skipping a beat at the touch.

"I believe that is exactly what I said Nikolai Lantsov. But don't let it give you a big head".

His smirk seemed to grow wider, though you didn't think it was possible "It's too late for that darling, I just got some of the best news of my life".

"Is that so?" You feigned confusion with a raised eyebrow, trying to hold back the giggles that threatened to escape you.

"It is, because now I no longer have to pine away for a beautiful girl from which I have loved all my life", he leaned in closer and you found yourself mirroring the grin he held, heart beating faster than you'd ever known it to, "because she loves me too".

His voice was a whisper, but you heard it all perfectly and in the next moment you found yourself closing the gap between your lips and his, kissing the prince of Ravka like there was no tomorrow. Because for all you knew there wouldn't be. And you were okay with that, because you had him.

-

AN: What is this? What is this? IDK WHAT THIS IS.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @sunny-reys

Grishaverse Taglist: @avyannadawn

#Nikolai Lantsov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lanstov imagines #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov fluff #nikolai lanstov #rule of wolves #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov x yn #grishaverse #grishaverse fanfiction #nikolai lantsov angst #nikolai lantsov drabble #nikolai lantsov headcannons #nikolai lantsov one shots #nikolai lantsov one shot #nikolai lantsov oneshots #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fanfiction #nikolai lantsov x femreader #strumhond #shadow and bone imagines #tolya and tamar #tolya yul bataar #tamar yul bataar

[nxzyalensky]

one time during zoya's reign as a queen, she was returning from the army front in Shu Han to Os Alta after months.

nikolai was positively ecstatic for her return.

he had prepared so much for her return, he wanted to show her so much.

all these months that she was gone had put a deep ache in him.

so many days without seeing her hair in that blue ribbon.

so, so many days since he had woken up beside her. but now she was finally coming back to him.

he would finally be able to see her.

zoya could not wait to get to Os Alta, she could not wait till she was back in the comfort and warmth of nikolai. this felt like the best day of her life.

as if she was drowning and she could finally breathe.

as soon as zoya entered the through the palace gates, nikolai smothered her with kisses and hugs and "are you okays"

she pretended to be annoyed but her heart swelled at seeing her husband, she had missed him deeply, "my lipstick is all over your lips. and face."

"doesnt matter, i love the shade."

“you’re an idiot.” 

“but you love me.”

"yes, i do", she said with a soft sigh.

after sometime they went to the lake behind the gilded bog to sea fare, zoya had promised nikolai that she would learn it so they could go sailing together.

"why cant i just use my powers?", she said, frustration clear in her voice.

"because its much more fun to see you like this"

"like what?"

"all messy and red, quite a change from your usual demeanor, i could look at you all day long"

she just rolled her beautiful blue eyes and got back to the task in hand

nikolai crept up behind her and took her hand in his and his head on her shoulder, "just put more force in pulling, so that the sail is straight"

in that moment zoya felt overwhelmed with the love she had for nikolai, and the love they shared, it was the kind of love that millions would fawn over.

it was the kind of love that was rare.

every moment that she didnt spend with nikolai felt like a moment wasted.

he was so full of love, he was so beautiful, so perfect.

he knew her. he understood her.

he made her want to wear his initials on a chain around her neck, not because he owned her, but because he really knew her.

zoya turned her head around, and kissed his forehead.

he turned deep red, his hair shining golden in the sunlight.

"you make me a better person, thank you", she said, still smothering him with kisses, "i love you so much"

"i million words cant describe how much i love you", he said

and then there was a blast.

this is just part one,,, the real kicker is yet to come besties

#zoyalai #fluff? #fluff #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lanstov #one shot #part one #this is bad #but ill make it up with the angsty part 2 #nikolai duology #king of scars #rule of wolves #grishaverse #leigh bardugo

[lauralestrange7]

Eighteen //Nikolai Lanstov//

pairing : Nikolai Lanstov x fem!reader warnings : none?

This was somewhat inspired by the song ‘18′ by One Direction

You and Nikolai had grown up together, you were bought into the little palace when you were just eleven. You were Grisha and he, well in his exact words ‘damnably handsome, brave in battle, smart as a whip, an excellent dancer, oh, and an even better shot.’

His mother never liked a Grisha as his beloved son’s company, but Nikolai couldn’t care less. He’d wait for you every day after your lessons, when his parents were off to attend some general’s party or any meetings he would climb into your room and sneak you out. Nikolai would take your hand and the two of you would run off to the castle grounds. He’d lie down with you on the wet grass and stare at the night sky. Nikolai would tell you the name of the stars, the constellations and their stories, and you would listen and stare at him.

Nikolai left at 18 to work in the first army rather than stay in the comforts of the castle-like his brother. You pulled him close and hugged him the day he was about to leave for his military services. You know you couldn’t keep him close to you like that forever, but you didn’t care. You had to leave for your services in the second army soon after. It was that day as he left at dawn on that ship, did you realize that you were in love with him.

Nikolai came back after two years of finishing his service, he came to see you at your camp near the fold. The military had done him justice, he looked different. A lot different than your childhood best friend, and he knew it. He had joked then how he had expected you to moon over him like every other girl you met and cry that he had to leave again. You had only just smiled at him then. He had told you how he was going to leave Ravka to attend The University of Ketterdam. This however was strange, “You are going to attend The University of Ketterdam?” Nikolai had smiled gorgeously and said, “Believe me I know how strange it sounds.” You couldn’t tell him then how you felt, he’d probably laugh it off and say it was ‘bound to happen’ you didn’t want to seem like any other girl to him. The two of you talked all afternoon and as it was getting darker, Nikolai straightened up and looked at the exit. He looked at you with those beautiful eyes, and you’re heart ached. You saw him out to the exit, then he turned around and said “Is there anything else you would like to tell me before I leave?” You shook your head “No-“ but you were caught off as his lips pressed against yours. You froze completely but then you kissed him back, and it was better than anything you’d have imagined. Softly he pulled away “Now that wasn’t so bad was it?” he said and even though he had meant that to come off as smug and casual he sounded unsure and a little nervous, very unlike himself. You were flushed and unable to say anything but your smile seemed to tell him all he wanted to hear. “Saints I’d waited for that too long, Y/n how oblivious are you?” he said half chuckling. You flushed an even deeper shade of red, “Well?” he said “Say something?”. “Like what?” You had said “I don’t know how about- ‘You can’t just kiss me like that Nikolai, you have to court me first.’” He said trying to mock your voice as he took your hand and started spinning you around like in a dance “’ Or at least buy me ice cream? Oh you are a shameless thing Nikolai! a very handsome one though.’” He picked you up as he would before. Laughs filled the tent that evening, and that clenching feeling in your heart that held your secret. It was no longer a secret; he knew you loved him and he loved you too. It didn’t matter that he was going to leave soon, that he was going to leave to pursue his own dreams and not to be stuck at some fancy university. You both knew what was coming but at that very minute, the both of you couldn’t care less. 

     ——————————————————————————————

This isnt complete so please comment, reblog and follow for a second part!

Tagging @mrs-brekker15​

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Have a good day!

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Make a request ✨🤍xoxo

#six of crows imagine #shadow and bone x reader #nikolai lanstov x reader #ben barnes x reader #nikolai x you #king nikolai #kaz brekker x reader #shadow and bone #Spotify

[dregstrash]

Number 2 with Zoyalai, pretty please ...?

Have you lost your damn mind!? 

inspired by @tsarinazoya and her amazing new au.

this is going to be a college au, where Zoya’s lab partner is insufferable even if he is top of their class 

Finals week was starting to make Zoya want to stab someone– more specifically, a tall, annoyingly handsome, and late someone. She supposed that if her research paper wasn’t due the same day as her lab project and that stupid presentation for the supposedly Easy A class, she would have gone much easier on her lab partner. 

Unfortunately for Nikolai, the odds weren’t in her favor and as soon as she was done with him, he was going to wish he had never missed the day they picked partners. Of course, it would have also helped if Zoya already had a partner, but according to  Genya, who partnered with David, while Zoya may be in the top five of her class, most people would rather risk failing than to be with her.

Which was just as fine, because most people were idiots anyway and she refused to have her GPA dip because some idiot thought he could handle her. 

She almost hoped that Professor Baghara would let her do the assignment alone, but no– Nikolai Lantsov had to make the class even giving her no choice.

When they met up for the first time, Zoya was ready for the expected and unwanted distractions, the disgusting innuendos, the secret glances that most men gave her when she walked by. But to her surprise, Nikolai’s flirtations and teasing remained innocent enough, and when it came down to all the research, leg-work, and writing, he was all business. 

And if his calls to meet up to talk about the assignment or the late-night texts when he had ideas to add to their argument brought the slightest hint of a smile to her face, then that was her own business.

But now, on the eve of their due date he had suddenly become incommunicado. He had disappeared off the face of the Earth and she swears she’s finally going to murder him like she promised she would.

Zoya stormed up the stairwell and didn’t bother knocking at his dorm before she thundered through the unlocked door. Seeing him half-dressed passed out on his couch made her wish that she could summon lightning.

“HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?!” She yelled as she tossed a throw pillow at his blonde head. 

Nikolai grumbled, and turned his head towards her so that she had a clear view of his blood-shot hazel eyes. 

“Do you realize that we have a lab assignment due tomorrow?” She railed putting her hands on her hips, “Do you also realize we still need three more annotated citations and a new graph to present all our data? Do you also realize that this forty–”

“Percent of our grade and if we fail then you get off the Dean’s list. Yes, I know.” He rumbled, as he heaved himself up with great effort. Zoya felt the heat of her temper cool slightly at Nikolai’s state. He was usually Mr. Perfect with the great hair. He was the king of well-timed charm and easy smiles. But there was something wrong today. Dark circles ran under his eyes, his hair was a jumbled mess, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Listen, Zoya,” He sighed putting his hands to his head, avoiding her eyes, “I’m really sorry about not meeting up with you. I-I have all the research done, I just needed to put in the annotations. I can finish it up tonight and–”

“What’s wrong?” Zoya demanded. 

A sad chuckle escaped him and he blinked up at her with a hollow look, “Nothing ever gets past you, Nazyalensky.” 

“Spill it, Lanstov, what’s wrong?”

He looked away from her then, and he leaned back on his couch, “I-I just found out a close friend of mine died.”

Whatever was left of Zoya’s temper disappeared completely, and she tentatively sat on the couch with him and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to ignore how warm his skin was on hers.

“I’m so sorry, Nikolai. What was his name?”

He shrugged and rubbed his face with a tired hand, “Isaak. He-he was this young kid from my neighborhood and his mom called me yesterday. Apparently he tried to stop this mugging and– I guess—I guess heroes don’t always get happy endings, right?”

“He sounded really brave,” Zoya tried. She had never been good at this. She was never the one to offer comfort or soft words, and she almost wished someone else was here to give Nikolai what she couldn’t. 

Nikolai laughed softly, “He was.”

“Then you should remember him like that. Don’t make him to be a tragedy. That would be a waste of a life.”

Nikolai’s eyes met hers sharply, and she held his gaze. He was always telling her how her particular personality was as refreshing as a strong drink, he shouldn’t expect anything less. 

“I can help with the last bit of research and I have some notes about what you put in on the seventh page.” Zoya went on, “And once we’re through with that, we can drink to your hero. Make sure he gets remembered.”

A ghost of a smile lightened his face, and Zoya felt herself relax a bit more.

“Always with the work, Zoya.” He finally smirked and picked up his discarded laptop which she greatly appreciated. The fact that he didn’t look like he was going to put on a shirt was less appreciated. 

“I’m practical.” Was all she said as she opened her backpack. 

send me a number and a pairing and i’ll write you a drabble

#zoyalai #nikolai lantsov #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai x zoya #zoyalai modern au

[clairecrive]

A/n: a little overdue but I hope you're still here to read it and enjoy it! You're all spoiling me with all these Nikolai requests and I'm loving it! <3

Warnings: crying, angst, reader is mourning

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofshield, @for-bebbanburg, @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria, @randomoutsiders, @vintagebitc, @story-scribbler, @hazelrose14, @crowssixof, @odetostep, @lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

Nikolai was a light sleeper. Life as a privateer and as a soldier would do that to you. Ever since he met you though, his sleep had started to fare better.

He still slept little, too busy scheming and planning, but now he slept like a log. That's not to say that he wasn't sensitive to the smallest sounds though. Always on high alert. This was great for situations of imminent danger but more often than not, Nikolai would wake up for the stupidest of reasons. Sometimes it'd be for the wooden furniture cracking, or for the sound of ice cubes falling in the refrigerator. Never had he woke though to sniffing.

Sleep hindering his actions, Nikolai reached over your side of the bed only to find it empty. But it's not cold, that much he noticed. Then the sound reaches his ears again and Nikolai finally understands. He climbs out of bed, sleep forgotten, mind clear and focused while worried sick.

"Y/n?" he called from behind you for the sake of not startling you. To no avail, because despite his warning you flinch and your hands shot up to your face trying to hide your tears. You don't turn around but you don't have to. Nikolai knows you and he knows that sneaking out of bed to hide your pain and sorrow from him is something you'd do. His only regret is that he hadn't noticed earlier.

"What are you doing up?" you clear your throat trying to hide the weakness of your voice.

"I could ask you the same thing," he sighed sitting next to you on the sofa. He doesn't look at you, not yet. He knows that you don't like showing vulnerability and while Nikolai wished you'd lower your walls around him, he also respected you.

"Couldn't sleep," you murmured sniffing.

For a while, neither of your talk. The room was filled with the silence that can only exist between the late hours of the night and the early hours of the day. Sometimes interrupted by you blowing your nose or clearing your voice to avoid a sob from coming out.

You were trying to get a grip on yourself and your emotions. But you had been doing so for too long and now it felt like the flow of emotions was too strong to be contained by any dig. Tears spilt from your eyes, your teeth tortured your lower lips trying to refrain from making any noise.

But then Nikolai's hand reached for yours, he hold it intertwining his fingers with yours and giving it a tight squeeze. "I'm here", he was saying. "I'm here and you don't need to hide from me." This was the last drop. Suddenly, it was all too much and you couldn't keep it in anymore.

An ugly sob tore out of your mouth, too long detained. Your whole body shook for the intensity of it.

Nikolai's arm wrapped over your shoulders, offering comfort and support in the silent way you needed.

You usually were his rock and maybe this was why you had been hiding your suffering from him. But there is nothing that Nikolai wouldn't do for you, the least of it sitting next to you while you needed to get everything out of your system. A relationship was based on giving and receiving. There was no lack of love or affection between the two of you but this was something else. You had always taken good care of him. It was time he'd return the gesture.

#nikolai lanstov x you #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lantsov angst #nikolai lanstov fic #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lantsov drabble #grishaverse #shadow and bone

[clairecrive]

can u make a nikolai x reader based on the song mr perfectly fine by taylor swift?

Mr Perfectly fine

A/n: Ahh, thank to you friend, I've been jamming to this song every day lmao Hope I've done it justice x Also, I've left out some parts of the lyrics to make it better fit the story.

(if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist here)

for my other masterlists, you can find them on my navigation page

Word count: more than 7K (ikik it took a life of his own, what can I say)

Warnings: bit of fluff, angst (like a lot), character's death, spoiler if you haven't read Siege and Storm

Tagging: @jupiterandbutterflies (Thank you so much for your comment! I saw it and it made my day✨)

(I don't remember where I took this from so if you know pls lmk)

Most people knew of Nikolai Lanstov. He was a prince, the second born and the most charming. Most people knew him thanks to the countless rumours that went around at court: supposedly he was not of royal blood. "Sobachka" was what they called him.

No matter how though, everyone knew of the last Lanstov prince. But very little knew him.

Meeting him wasn't difficult. Since he had been of age, Nikolai had always been out of the Grand Palace and among people. He’d also volunteered to enlist in the first army, refusing any kind of special treatment and fought beside his brothers in arms in the infantry. That was part of the reason why everyone outside the court loved him so much.

Being Grisha meant that fighting in the Second Army was mandatory. Not that you minded. There was nothing you wanted more for your people than to finally be free. Also, that Shadow Fold needed to go and as the Darkling has always said, all efforts are necessary.

That’s how you met Nikolai the first time. Generally, the First and the Second Army were stationed in different parts of the campsite. Numerous quarrels between oprichniki and Grisha had rendered the separation necessary. However, you never liked crowds much and living in the Little Palace meant that you were always surrounded by people. So, every chance you had to draw away and be by yourself for a while, you took it. Also, being a Healer meant that you’d spent more time in your assigned tent taking care of soldiers than among them.

Word had gone around that everyone in need could come to you. Usually, you had been instructed by the Darkling that your powers were reserved for Grisha. However, what good was it to have the ability to cure people and only take care of a selected few that very rarely got seriously injured? Meanwhile, soldiers of the First Army often suffered from severe injuries, fatal gunshots or knife wounds. You could help them and possibly save their lives so why shouldn’t you?

That was why Nikolai found you one night. Sure at that point it was just another nameless soldier to you. He had never been in your tent before so you had never seen his face before. The boy whose arm he had draped on his shoulders though, was a usual visitor of yours.

“Oh, Petyr, what happened this time?” gesturing to his blond friend to lay him down on the table, you started gathering everything you needed. Not that you needed much but you had found out that Petyr was absolutely incapable of bearing having his bones or injuries in general repaired without having some kind of pain reliever before.

After a few tries, you came up with a herbal composition that dulled the pain but didn’t make him unconscious. Using kvas would mean that Petyr would be knocked out for a couple of hours. That would put him in trouble with his superiors.

“He’s a fool, that’s what happened.” The explanation came from his friend after he put him down gently. Despite his words, you could hear in his tone worry and guilt?

“If saving your life makes me a fool then go ahead and call me one,” Petyr huffed in pain.

“Who knew you were so brave, uh?” After quickly shredding the herbs you needed, you poured hot water on it and brought the cup to Petyr’s lips while helping him keep his head up.

“He’s the bravest of us all,”

“If I knew it took a bullet wound to make you hand out compliments so easily, I would have done it sooner.” Scoffed Petyr after sending you a thankful look.

“See? What did I tell you? A fool,” his friend said dramatically and you smiled amused at their playful banter.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with, shall we?” You said out loud to warn both Petyr and his friend. Letting them know what was about to happen was best, your experience taught you. Both for the person on the table that could brace themselves for what was about to happen and for the person with him that was filled with worry and cautiousness. Oprichniki didn’t trust Grisha that much.

After assessing the damage, you let out a relieved sigh as the bullet had gotten through and it had not hit any major artery. It had already got infected though, so you knew it would be a painful one to treat.

“So, did you receive any letters lately, Pety?” You ask, suggestively wiggling your eyebrows while your hands cover the wound. You had your eyes closed to better focus but you were sure that he had rolled his eyes.

“Only from my mum.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t write her back,” you said, opening your eye just in time to send him a glare.

“Ugh, not this again, y/n, please. Have mercy on me, I’m bleeding all over the table.” Petyr moaned making his friend snicker.

“You’re not bleeding all over the table and if you didn’t notice, I’m already taking care of you, am I not? That doesn’t excuse you for being an idiot, though.”

“Are you two in cahoots or something? It’s not fair. Wounded man over here.”

“Oh shut up.” Both you and his blond friend said at the same time. Petyr moaned once again and you sent a little amused smile to the blondie.

“Should I leave you with a cool battle scar? Maybe acting like a war hero will give you the balls to write to her.” You harmlessly threatened him but your hands were already reconnecting the tissue of his skin without letting it scar.

“I’ve told you, y/n. She deserves better than what I can give her. I am, who knows if I even make it home? I’d be only stringing her along.” Now Petyr was dead serious. It was true, you had talked about this often since he was a regular you got to know him better and he had soon told you about his sweet Katia.

While his friend chanted “fool” like a mantra in the background, you took his bloodied hand in yours, his wound fully healed.

“Petyr, how do you think she’s gonna react when she learns that there hasn’t been any delay to her letters but you’re just ignoring her? Besides, you should let her make this decision too. Who knows, she’ll surprise you.” Squeezing his hand you turned to let your words settle and to put away your utensils. You knew you had given him so much food for thought so you didn’t address the subject anymore. His friend helped him off the table and that’s when you noticed that he was injured too. He had a pretty nasty cut on his lower lip and there was already a bruise forming on his temple.

“Petyr, you can sit on my chair while I take care of your friend. You should be fine but for at least a while don’t stress your body.”

Mentally making a list of the things you need to tend to this kind of wound and where you kept them, you started collecting before heading back to them.

Petyr had sat down but his friend was still standing.

“You don’t have to lie down if you don’t want to, but unless you don’t want me to go take a ladder or something, it would be best if you sat on the table.” You gave him your best reassuring smile as you mixed the healing paste. Sometimes, men didn’t like to put themselves in a vulnerable position with someone they didn’t know and had learned to fear. He wasn’t that badly hurt and it would only take a couple of seconds to fix but not every oprichniki was comfortable with being healed by Grisha power. So the paste would do your job for you. It would take longer, sure and it would also sting a lot more but at least he’d be healed at last.

After looking at you for a little while, the blond man did as you instructed, giving you a dazzling smile in return when you settled between his legs to fix his cut.

“The name is Nikolai or handsome if you prefer.” It was not the first time a wounded soldier tried to flirt with you. IT didn’t bother you, you found them amusing more than anything and you knew it was the allure of someone taking care of them speaking more than any real interest.

“Let’s hope you won’t be around here much for me to learn your name.”

“I’ll have to find another way to make myself unforgettable then.” He winked at you before hopping off the table.

You didn’t address his words, only gave them the paste you had prepared. It would prevent any wound from being infected and would be able to cure small cuts and bruises if applied for a couple of days. With that, you sent them both on their way. Petyr waving you goodbye while Nikolai sent you another wink.

And so this was how it all started.

Mr. "Perfect face"

Mr. "Here to stay"

Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away"

Everything was right

Despite your fellow Grisha, military life could be a bit alienating. Which sounded like a paradox, sure, but everyone had their own way of processing trauma and emotions and of course there were plenty of those during the war. If the best way to come to terms with everything that happened was to distance yourself from others and try to find the solution in solitude, it could get to the point where you’d feel alone in a room full of people.

To get a little respite, you’d usually go on a long walk or resort to stargaze. Sometimes, depending on where you were posted, it wasn’t safe to leave the campsite. So, that’s how Nikolai found you one night. Even he had to take a breather once in a while. Being a different version of yourself based on who you’re interlocutor was must be exhausting. Of course, you didn’t know this. You knew nothing about Nikolai at that point if not that he was Petyr’s friend and a socialite, according to other soldiers.

He seemed to be at the centre of gossip no matter what group of people you found yourself with and there also seemed to be a consensus about him. Everyone liked him. Even if it was rare for some Grisha to appreciate oprichniki, you knew they somewhat respected him because if they didn’t praise him out loud, they didn’t speak ill of him either.

“Not a fan of crowds, are you?” he announced his presence before sitting down beside you.

“I love them, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel.”

“You do? Everyone seems to think you’re a socialite.”

“It’s what I want them to think but alas, I enjoy being more complex and multifaceted than that.” He lightly bumped your shoulder with his, eyes aflame with mischief.

“I bet.” you simply smirked. Despite how everyone seemed to think they knew him, you got the peculiar vibe from him, like there was a lot more to him than what he let everyone see.

“No one seems to know much about you.”

“Maybe you’ve talked to the wrong people.”

“Well, then I guess it’s better if I got straight to the source, don’t you think?”

“That will surely be a better start. Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for though.”

“We’ll see.”

That night had been the first of many. It had become a sort of an unspoken arrangement between the two of you. While it didn’t last long, you sensed that you got to know him better than everyone. There was something about late nights meetings under the stars that prompted deep and meaningful conversations. It wasn’t hard to form a solid bond with him after a few nights.

The conversations weren’t always personal in the conventional sense. You’d often stray and talk about the most bizarre things. Like why something had the name it had or how cool it’d be if it was possible to pass through surfaces, which led to imagine all the uncomfortable situations one could find themselves in if they were to simply go into a room through its wall.

Nikolai was witty, overly confident and ambitious and he knew a lot of things. You always wondered how he had learned them since he was so young and been in the army for a couple of years already. But Nikolai was never too forward on certain topics, his family and childhood being some of those. You understood, those were sore subjects for you too. So you never insisted. It was much more interesting to listen to him rumble about impossible future projects of his, like a flying ship.

"When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable." He’d say whenever you’d point it out to him. Somehow, despite the absolute absurdity of them, the sheer confidence that he seemed to constantly exude, made you consider the possibility of his success.

You got the distinct feeling that there was nothing this man couldn’t do.

But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart"

Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

But it's wonderful to see that you're okay

But, alas, as all things do, these encounters of yours also got to an end. You knew it would happen, you were both soldiers so your lives were both heavily characterised by uncertainty after all. However, you were not prepared for it to end so abruptly though. And without an apparent reason. Because Nikolai’s unit hadn’t been posted elsewhere and he hadn’t been fatally wounded. You would have heard of it were that the case. But it wasn’t.

You thought that he had come to cherish your nightly encounters too. Some of those had been full of his promises. How he’d love for you to be around when he’d eventually find the time to work on his ideas. How you had been a nice surprise, a most interesting person among so many dull idiots you were surrounded by every day. How he’d come to value your opinions and presence in his life and that he was going to find a way to make sure that that would never change. Promises that turned to be empty.

You had never allowed yourself to fully believe him. It wasn’t the first time that a boy had made the same kind of promises but Nikolai looked sincere. Honest enough to be believable. But, of course, you had been wrong.

You didn’t realise just how much you had come to rely on him until he was gone. You tried to keep your mind off him and luckily the perfect distraction came your way. The Darkling had scheduled an attack on the enemy’s army and had posted you to be on the field to take care of everyone promptly. You had never been more grateful to the man, even after he had given her a home and a purpose.

Ever since your first encounter with Nikolai, you had thought it had been a blessing. However, you had soon changed your mind and now considered a curse more than anything. Why? Because as soon as you got to the field you couldn’t help but scour the troops for a familiar mop of blond hair. Many looked like him and being this far you couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t one of them but you certainly despised the leap your heart made every time though. That was a distraction you couldn’t afford. Besides, it wasn’t smart to let your heart get involved in times of war.

The battle began, Inferni and Squallers were working together to impair the enemy’s visual so they couldn’t shoot or use their cannons while the First Army marched after them to swap in as soon as the air cleared to catch the enemy by surprise. While your role wasn’t active per se, you were a Corporalki after all, and even if you had been specifically trained as Healer, you had also got one of your friends to teach you the basics of an Heartrender’s work. You weren’t a powerful one but you could hold your ground in a fight. Especially since they weren’t expecting you. And you were still far from any real threat.

The battle dragged on and soon there were wounded soldiers that needed your attention. You hated this kind of work, it was messy and dirty and had to be quick because spending too much time on one soldier could mean dooming another to death. You were accustomed to it by now and soon found a rhythm focusing on ensuring everyone’s survival and not bothering with the aesthetic side of healing. That could be taken care of later if they wanted to.

As soon as your eyes fell onto a crouched figure you sprinted towards them. It was dirty and you didn’t recognize them but you got the feeling it was a life or death situation. Oh, how you wanted to be wrong.

The person crouching turned out to be Nikolai and he wasn’t alone. He was kneeling beside someone, Petyr.

“Where are you hurt?” you hurriedly asked as you tried to assess the damage. His uniform was dirty and full of blood but you couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Trying to answer you, Petyr opened his mouth only to let out the most gruesome gurgling sound as his respiratory tract was flooded by blood.

“He got shot in the gut.” Nikolai offered.

“Is the bullet still inside?” Opening his uniform jacket you tore a piece from his shirt to use it to put pressure on the wound.

“It’s too late,” Nikolai uttered.

“No.” You strongly refused as you removed the cloth and focused on the wound. His heart was straightening and he had already lost a lot of blood. If the bullet was still inside that it was going to be a problem, if it wasn’t then you still had a fighting chance.

“I removed it earlier.” So that was why he had lost so much blood. Nodding your head to show that you had heard him, you set out to stop the internal bleeding. Slowing his heartbeat so that it was pumping less blood and thus eased your endeavour. You were still in the middle of the field and while you were keeping up with the warfare but in the back of your mind, you registered the sounds of screaming and of gunshots getting closer. A bullet hit you in the shoulder propelling you forward over Petyr’s body. Grisha’s kefta were bulletproof so you weren’t worried for your incolumity but for the harsh movement you had made.

Leaning back, you heard Nikolai calling for you but your eyes were trained on Petyr. You tried to listen for his heartbeat but could only hear two instead of three. Nikolai, who had never left your side, immediately understood what had happened by the fall of your shoulders and the tensing of your hands.

He kept calling for you but the only thing you could focus on was that you had let your friend down. Now there will be one more family crying for a loss, another girl mourning a lost loved one. And it was all your fault. It was because of you that Petyr wouldn’t live to see another day, to write another letter or to fight another battle. It was on you.

The details of what happened next were a bit blurred. Someway you must have found your way back to the campsite. Whether you did on your own after tending to everyone else, you didn’t know. Your memories picked up after you woke up in your tent. Someone was calling your name, saying that the Darkling wanted to see you.

Mechanically you raised and made your way to the Darkling’s tent but your mind was elsewhere. Your thoughts were plagued by Petyr’s face, by that godforsaken sound he made when he tried to speak. The realisation that he was gone hit you like a wall of brick that would have made you stumble if you weren't’ sat in front of the Darkling’s desk. Whether he was speaking and stopped after seeing the forlorn look in your eyes or he hadn’t been speaking at all, you didn’t realize. You did hear him say that you were going to be posted somewhere. Under different circumstances you have said something, anything to not let him send you away. Your mind immediately went to Nikolai. You’d be leaving him behind along with the campsite.

However, you now realised that you had already lost him. Losing Petyr had been the last thing that had completely severed your bond. There was no turning back now and part of you was grateful.

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"

How's your heart after breaking mine?

I've been Miss "Misery" since your goodbye

And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine"

You couldn’t know, of course, but Nikolai had left not long after you did. Albeit for a different reason. He had finally earned the Major rank and as such, he took a step back from military life deciding that his skill would be better suited for a life on the sea. Assuring Ravka the supply she needed but in ways that weren’t exactly suitable for a prince but worked just fine for a privateer. And thus Sturmhond came to life.

As for you, you kept doing your job at your new post but were relieved when a letter came from the Darkling instructing that you were needed at the Little Palace. Part of you had relegated Nikolai to that part of your mind where the unmentionable was, however, a traitor thought whispered that maybe there was a chance that you could see him at the royal grounds. Sure, the possibilities were close to zero but it was still possible, right?

No.

You already were ashamed of the fact that you’re still suffering because of him. And yes, you missed him but you weren’t going to indulge the pathetic hope of seeing him again.

He doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he would have already found you. Or write you a letter if he couldn’t, but he didn’t.

You were right. You knew you were, nonetheless, the thought only brought you a bittersweet feeling.

You found the Little Palace just how you’d left it and yet it seemed changed in a way. The insane amount of work you found there waiting for you helped you drown the feeling that it was you that had changed.

Months passed this way, sometimes the Darkling would post you with him or outside the Little Palace. All in all, you’ve kept busy. When news of the little prince leaving the Palace reached you, you let it wash over you. It wasn’t like it mattered much, whether he was a few feet away or in another nation, Nikolai wasn’t part of your life either way.

When the whole expansion of the Fold happened, you were stationed at the Little Palace. Chaos and terror ensued as soon as the news reached the capital making most of the Grisha flee. Most of them went looking for the Darkling while others simply ran away and hid. You were amongst the first group.

Soon, your life was radically changed. The shift in the Darkling was palpable and it didn’t have anything to do with the scars on his face. You had tried your best to heal them and Genya to tailor them away but somehow, they could not be removed. It was an unsettling thing to realize that they didn’t take away his beauty. One could even say that they enhanced his attractiveness.

He was certainly more powerful. None of you knew what had happened in the Fold that day, just that the Sun Summoner had fled and that there were no survivors apart from him. However, as your journey in pursuit of Alina dragged on, you were soon witnesses of his newfound power.

The nichevo’ya, he called them.

He had always been immensely powerful. One of a kind. But this- this was different. And as dread settled among your group as you watched them in action, realisation sat heavily on your shoulders.

He soon found a trail and traced Alina in Novyi Zem and set out to reach the island by hiring Sturmhond’s crew. He was a famous pirate after all and despite his unreliability, the Darkling was sure that as long as he got his money, he wouldn't be a problem.

In the round trip, you didn’t see much of the captain anyway. Some members of his crew were amiable enough, particularly the Yul-Baatar twins. You had even asked Tamar to spar with you from time to time. Your lessons with Botnik were a distant memory and you knew that mastering combat training skills could increase your chance at survival.

When Alina and Mal were held captive though, that’s when Sturmhond made an appearance. He looked younger than you’d thought and there was something oddly familiar in the way he held himself. Still, you didn't talk with him much. Your job was to take care of Alina and so you spent most of your time in her room.

It wasn’t until the Darkling asked Mal to track Rusalye and consequently spent more time with Alina that you had a chance to talk with him. It was during one of your night shifts when he approached you, the Darkling had wanted some of his to always be patrolling the ship.

“What could possibly make a little thing like you be amidst this wretched company?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.”

“The thrill of adventure?”

“There’s plenty of it everywhere you go if you’re Grisha, even if you just go on a stroll.”

“Is that why you follow him?”

“I owe everything to him.”

“I’m sure you realize your role in this.”

“Of course I do. I’m not some naive girl who has a crush on her general.”

“Ah, so who, pray tell, do you have a crush on then, beautiful lady?”

“You’re certainly noisy for a pirate.”

“Privateer,” he corrected you, “there’s not much to do around here is it?”

“Not if you have everyone taking care of it, no.”

“Amuse me.”

“It isn’t wise to let the heart get involved in times of war.” That was all you were willing to share. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, the twinkle in his eyes was oddly familiar but he was a stranger. A dangerous one.

“Those sound like words spoken from experience.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, I’d say it’s no fun to only think about war. Life is so much more.”

“Believe me, if I could, it’d be the last thing on my mind. But, alas, l don’t have the privilege to do so.”

You had already lost too much time speaking with him. If someone were to see you or tell the Darkling you’d be in trouble. And you had made it your goal to never put yourself on the path of the Darkling’s anger. So you excused yourself and went back to your rounds.

If only you had stayed and talked to him more maybe you would have understood what was about to happen. Maybe you would have had an enkindling of Sturmhond’s plans. Instead, you were taken by surprise, just like everyone in your group, when Rusalye was spot and a shot was fired. You had found yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to fight against people you had grown to like.

“I don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” Tamar warned you as you stood face to face on the sinking ship dock. Her trusted axes in her hands while your hands were raised ready to attack.

“I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Then you don’t have to. Come with us.” Her proposition made you gasp.

“That would be treason,” you whispered hoping that the Darkling wasn’t around to hear you. A shiver ran through you as you thought of the punishment he’d give you for even thinking about leaving his side.

“Then you leave me no choice.” She said lowering her arms. Was that guilt you heard in her voice?

Before you could voice your question though, she shouted for her brother and not even a second later, you felt your body grow still. Your eyebrows faltered as you felt your heartbeat slow down.

They were Grisha.

They must have seen you realise because you heard Tamar apologize before everything went black.

Mr. "Never told me why"

He goes about his day

Forgets he ever even heard my name

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

You didn’t stay out for long though. As soon as Sturmhond’s crew had left the Darkling’s ship and had safely made it onto the Volkvolny, the privateer had asked for you to be awakened.

There wasn’t enough light for you to realize you were on another ship, what alerted you of your new situation were your hands. They had bound them behind your back. Immediately you started to struggle, hoping to wiggle out of the restraints. To no avail though. Huffing out in frustration, you settled for looking around you and see if there was something you could use. That’s when you noticed him.

“Release me- this instant, or else-”

“Or what? You’re a Healer. Not exactly a violent job, is it?” Sturmhond interrupted you, a smirk on his face since he had the upper hand.

“I don’t need my powers to kick you in the ass, do I?” He laughed but didn’t look remotely threatened. Rather amused, actually.

“Please, you have to let me go. He’ll kill me if-” Panic started to build as you realized that there was no way you could successfully escape.

“He won’t touch you.” A solemn glow took over his eyes. “He won’t ever hurt you again, you have my word.” He promised, looking subtly at your left shoulder. You winced as you realized that he must have seen your scars. The ones left by the Darkling’s niche’voya.

“How can I know if you’re trustworthy? You don’t exactly have a good score, you know?”

“You’re going to find out soon enough. Don’t worry.”

Of course, he didn’t bother offering further explanations. He’d left it at that. You weren’t a captive per se but he left your hands bound, only freeing them when you needed to eat or relieve yourself.

Fruitless were your efforts in making you tell more. He often ate with you and would check in at least twice a day but that was it.

It wasn’t until after you had landed after that forsaken vehicle of his had gotten you through the Fold that you understood. His coming out as Nikolai Lanstov, prince and second in line for the Ravkan throne, had shaken you all to your core. However, you doubted that it had sent a pang to the others’ hearts as it did with yours.

Nikolai Lantsov. The man you had been dreaming about, the one that had left you behind without any sort of explanations, the one you missed so dearly, had been by your side all this time.

You weren’t sure how you felt. It made sense now why his eyes looked familiar and his posture. You then connected that the vehicle you had used in the Fold had been one of the many projects he used to geek about with you. It tasted a lot like betrayal. Not because he had lied to you about his name but because he had tried to get close to you again and had managed to somehow break that growing bond again.

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

So dignified in your well-pressed suit

So strategized, all the eyes on you

Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"

So far above me in every sense

So far above feeling anything

Even if his secret had been outed thus causing some shift in the dynamics between Nikolai and the two new members of his crew - you suspected Mal was closer to punching him every second that passed- not much had changed for you.

On the outside, you pretty much looked like a prisoner. Albeit a very clean one. You rode with them, hands still bound, scowl ever-present on your face.

Nikolai had not come to see you ever since that night after the Fold. And now it had been almost a week since you had started your journey back to the capital. Whether this was all part of his plan to make you look the part of the captive even more or he was just gutless, you didn't know. It was working either way though.

You liked to think that his reason was simply that he didn't care. He had far too much on his plate right now as it was. Going back to court after years of absence while also making claims to the throne and trying to sway the Sun Summoner your way. It was no easy feat. But hadn't he always liked to say that impossible often meant improbable? A lot of things had changed since that night but even so, you'd still pose your bet on him that he'd be able to achieve anything he set his mind to.

It wasn't exactly that thinking this way brought you actual comfort. Of course, not. But it was better than foolishly hoping for him to still care about you the way you did for him. After all, he had sent plenty of signals that pointed in the other direction.

But then why did he kidnap you? Why take you with him? You weren't that close to the Darkling to be of any use to Nikolai in that way. And, as a matter of fact, no one had come to interrogate you regarding his plans or whereabouts. Then why?

You still couldn't figure it out.

Some days your anger shifted more to frustration and you were ounces away from asking for him yourself. Almost as if he had heard you though, he gave you the final push.

It was the usual day, Nikolai and Alina were riding in the carriage, stopping in every village we passed to meet with the locals. However, this time, before climbing back into the carriage, they kissed.

You were too far to figure out who started it and the details. The gist of it was enough though.

You most certainly were a fool. Still thinking about a guy who didn't give two shits about you, who had kidnapped you putting you in a dangerous situation and you were still wondering whether he felt something for you or not? Pathetic.

You had to do something about your situation and quickly too. Officially, you were a traitor. You had fled and joined the Darkling, that wouldn't make you look good in front of the king. He was a lousy bastard anyway and will probably sentence you to death to set an example. You hadn't survived so much shit to end up at the end of a rope.

So, even though you had initially thought against it since you were so close to home, you decided to escape. You were already headed towards certain death so what was the worst that could happen?

Your hands were left unbound when you were in your tent. One less problem to solve. Closing your eyes, you focused on listening for any nearby heartbeats. You heard two, those of the guards posted outside your tent. Maybe you could find an excuse to call them inside, put them to sleep and then slip away.

That was not exactly what your powers were for but you were desperate. You had to at least try.

And so you did. You called them in and immediately set out to slow their heartbeats. You had almost succeeded in putting them under when someone else slipped in. The last person you wanted to see.

"Am I that bad of a host?"

You didn't meet his ruse though, you knew it would make you lose focus.

"I'm afraid I have to ask you to release my soldiers." As soon as he said it though, they fell unconscious at last. Your chest was heaving by now, using so much power in such a different way was costing you. But you couldn't back down now. It was one on one and you were Grisha and a woman scorned. He stood no chance.

"Move out of my way, your highness."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"You can or I can make you. Your choice." The venom in your voice was unmistakable and it took him by surprise. He gave you a curious look tilting his head to the side like he was seeing you for the first time over again.

"I didn't realize ruthlessness was one of your personality traits."

"You know nothing about me," you seethed. The tip of your fingers flexed, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and you were already weary.

"It may have been a while y/n, but I like to think I know a good deal about you."

"And I would like to completely erase this last year but you don't hear me yap about how shitty it has been, do you?"

"You never did like opening up much."

"I'm well past the point of sentimentalism, Nikolai. It is coming far too late anyway. And whatever my feelings for you may be, I won't let you put my life on the line." Your posture straightened, stance ready for battle.

His eyes flashed, jaw clenched. His hands closed in fists and he almost looked hurt. But why would he?

"Is that what you think all of this is?" Nikolai always acted aloof. He was always composed and dignified. You had thought it was for his insane amount of self-confidence but now you understood it was for how he was raised. But you recognised the pout on his lips. It was the expression he’d always have whenever he tried to get something from getting to him. To prevent himself from showing emotions.

"You're holding me captive while you go around Ravka parading your latest conquest, flashing your return everywhere. I don't know why you're doing this but I don't care. I've stopped waiting around for you and I certainly won't let your father put me to death."

"You think I'd let him?"

"So you want to do this?" you threw your hands up in exasperation, "Fine. You really want to know what I think?"

"Be my guest."

"I think that the Nikolai I knew would have left out of the blue without so much as a letter. I think that the Nikolai I knew was ready to go to any length to achieve what he believed in. However, I thought that the Nikolai I knew cared about me and what we had but look at me now. So maybe, I know nothing at all."

"You certainly do seem to know a lot of things. But you’re not wrong."

"If this is the way you care about me," I gesture to my tent, "then I'm not sure I want this Nikolai to care for me."

“This,” he said, emulating your gesture, “is to keep you safe. This is my way to ensure that if the Darkling got news of your whereabouts, he’d be sure not to think you willingly left his side and betrayed him.”

“That’s because I didn’t!” You raised your voice in outrage. The nerve of this man.

“Spare me your indignation. I know you hate being at his beck and call, to do his dirty work and be constantly surrounded by warfare.”

“Do not presume to speak for me.” You snapped. You knew it was best to keep a cool head but his cockiness was getting on your nerves.

“Didn’t you? Hate it, I mean.”

“We’re at war, Nikolai. Being away or close to the Darkling won’t change that. At least with him, I was safe.”

“You can’t be that delusional to think that he was protecting you.” He scoffed at your words as if they were the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

“And you can’t be that delusional to think that bringing me back won’t result in your father killing me.” You fired back shifting on your feet. He winced as if you had physically hurt him.

“You have so little faith in me?” His voice was just above a whisper and you knew that your words had struck a chord.

“How can I have any, Nikolai?” your voice softened a bit. “One day you’re telling me how much you value my opinion, you promise me a future where I’d be the first to see your project come to life and then you left. You just left, Nikolai.” And when I was starting to make my peace with it that’s when you come back? Also, let’s not forget about my abduction and your flirting with Alina.”

“So yes, I don’t trust you.” You concluded, crossing your arms on your chest with finality. He just stared at you for the longest time. If someone would come in now, they’d think you were in the middle of a staring contest. Then he sighed and started talking.

“I had to go away. I had already pushed my parents’ limits when I said I wanted to be part of the infantry. So, one day I got a letter written by my father personally and I knew that my time was up. I had been Nikolai for too long, now I had to start being a Lantsov prince.” His eyes were on the ground now, shame making her way in his words.

“So that’s what I did,” he went as he started pacing,”I went to Kerch to study, just like my father wanted. I did what he asked, he couldn’t reproach me anything now. I could never stay too still though, a life of adventure was calling me and I could not ignore it. It was only then that I realized that I could do so much more than sitting in a class, to realistically help Ravka.”

“I couldn’t take you with me. You had such a larger role to play in the army and besides, there wasn’t much I could offer you. So yes, I left. I left thinking that I would find my way back to you eventually.” He had stopped by now, regret was swirling in his shining orbs as he looked at you.

“You could have told me.” You contestated, taken back by all the information he gave you. “I would have waited for you.” A whispered promise for something that would never be now.

“I was afraid, y/n. That’s not my best moment, I know and no number of apologies could ever make it right. But I was afraid of your answer. I knew I’d be asking for a lot and let’s be honest-” the desperation in his tone was evident now, he had unconsciously started to lean towards you but you knew what he was about to say.

“You weren’t sure if the future you were offering me would just end up with me being your mistress, am I right?” Your tone hardened but despite the insulting implication of what you said, you weren’t made at him.

“I’m a prince, y/n. We do not marry for love and this country cannot afford to disregard the advantages that a political union could bring.”

His honesty was as refreshing as it was unsettling. He was right. As soon as you had learned he was a prince, you realized just what kind of future you could have with him. But then he left and that problem did not exist anymore. Neither of you spoke, both of you were seizing the other. You had laid it all out, defences were down putting you both in a vulnerable position.

And someday maybe you'll miss me

“You should have talked to me, Nikolai. We could have figured it out together. If it came to being your mistress to stay with you, then that was my decision to make.” You said softly after a while. It pained for you to say this, you would have never thought that getting closure would hurt this much.

Tears streamed on both of your faces, in front of you had been laid what your future could have looked like. It was everything you had wanted, you could still do your job and have the man of your dreams. You were surprised to find that you wouldn’t mind sharing him with his supposed wife. You had been at court for enough time to know how most marriages went. If he assured you it was only a diplomatic affair but that his heart was yours, that would have been enough. Who knows, maybe she’ll get a lover too.

But now… now you didn’t know if you could ignore everything that happened. You did not trust him nor could you ignore how hurt you were by his lack of communication and thus of trust in you.

But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lanstov fic #nikolai lanstov x you #nikolai lanstov x y/n #shadow and bone #grishaverse #nikolai lanstov angst #nikolai lanstov fluff #nikolai lanstov blurb

[clairecrive]

hey how about a lot of angst-fluff for Nikolai? Maybe a fight between Nikolai x reader because Nikolai has been too busy in a modern college au?

"Silence and Library"

A/n: so this is the Nikolai angst that I've promised you. hope you like it x

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, fluffy ending, miscommunication

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofsheilds, @for-bebbanburg,@randomoutsiders, @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria, @vintagebitc, @story-scribbler, @crowssixof, @odetostep,@lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis, @carnationworld, @thanossexual, @luvxginger, @sanna2020, @wafflesandschemingfaces (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

Nikolai answered after a few rings.

"Hey, babe."

"Whatcha doing?" you asked as you lazily followed the pattern of your blanket with your fingers.

"About to go back to my dorm to study, can't concentrate in the library."

"Too many people?"

"Yep." You heard the noise of people's chatter so he must have been already on his way.

"Can I come? I promise I won't distract you."

"Oh," he paused, "I don't know, y/n."

"Please, you'll forget I'm there with you. I'll just be in my corner doing my thing while you do yours." You insisted, excited at the idea of spending time with your boyfriend. It had been a while.

"I really need to finish this assignment today."

"We've done this before, you know I won't disturb you or anything." You pouted, upset that he was complaining so much. You and Nikolai used to do this all the time. It was the best way to spend time together even when both of you were busy.

"This is a really big part of my final mark, I really need to get it done today." And I can't if you're here. You heard his unspoken words.

"Alright," you sighed, defeated, "I'm sorry, it's just that I haven't seen much of you this week and I miss you."

"I miss you too." He said noncommittally. You waited, hoping that he'd add something but you were only met with silence.

"I'll leave you to it, then."

"Bye, y/n." You hung up, letting your phone fall on the pillow beside you. The use of your name mocked you and made you queasy. Nikolai had been distant this past week and you didn't know why. Yes, he had told you about this final assignment but you were in college, there was always some assignment to do. Usually, he had no problem studying together. You wondered when that changed.

You genuinely loved his company, even being in the same room was enough to bring you comfort. And, as far as you could tell, it had always been a reciprocate thing. But his behaviour these past few weeks... something was going on, and you couldn't figure out what was wrong.

You had tried to stay close to him without mentioning it, hoping that you could offer comfort and support just with your presence but apparently it hadn't worked. So you guessed that if he needed space like he so subtly had been telling you, then you had to give it to him and hope for the best.

It wasn't that you couldn't be without him. Hell, you've only been dating for a couple of months so it wasn't that. But there was something in Nikolai that put you at ease. Not only being with him was effortless but it also made you feel okay, like everything was going to be fine. You didn't know how or if it was even possible, but being with him had even changed your relationship with yourself and those around you. You felt lighter ever since he was in your life.

You were certainly happier and consequently, you dealt with everything differently. You felt confident that whatever hardship you were met with, you could overcome. Even attending parties had become more pleasant if he was by your side.

So, yes, you had a life before him but your life was better if he was by your side. And if you could help it, you never wanted to go without him ever again.

His withdrawal though, was making you sceptical. Was it something you had done? Could it be a family or personal matter that he didn't want to tell you about? But then again, why wouldn't he? You told each other everything, leaning for support and counsel on each other in difficult times. So, what was different this time?

You couldn't know and trying to figure it out was driving you crazy. Sighing, you pressed your palms to your eyes as if to stop the thoughts from coming.

One thing was certain though, Nikolai had never made you feel unwanted. Like your presence was a burden. And the fact that this is exactly how you were feeling now upset you to no end.

Getting up from the bed you reached for your backpack, you decided to head over to the library. You really hoped that whatever he was going through passed quickly or you didn't know if there was going to be a relationship to come back to.

Next time you saw Nikolai was two weeks after that phone call. You had given him the space that he so desperately needed and your interactions had been reduced to a minimum. You saw him in class, sometimes he'd eat with you. No time spent alone though or outside of school.

And, as a matter of fact, he found you in the library.

"Here you are." You heard his voice and then some shuffling on the seat before you. But you didn't lift your eyes from your notes.

"Nikolai."

Your tone was icy and the sole fact that he was here with you after weeks and you hadn't even looked at him spoke volumes. Nikolai sighed and leaned his forearms on the table.

"I called you."

"My phone is on silence mode, you know it."

"I tried to reach you."

"Well, here I am. You may not be busy anymore but I am," you muttered, eyes still fixed on the screen of your computer.

"I'm sorry."

That made you glance at him briefly.

"I'm not looking for an apology."

"Then what do you want?" Your eyes snapped at him at the exasperation in his voice. Your jaw tensed and you had to remind yourself that you were in a public space and could not cause a scene.

"What I want," you hissed, "is to know why my boyfriend suddenly decided that he doesn't want to spend his time with me anymore. I want to know what happened that has me treated like I'm nothing but a burden by my usually doting boyfriend."

He opened his mouth, no doubt trying to sweet talk himself out of this but you stopped him.

"I'm used to feeling not welcomed or left out but with you, I felt like I've finally belonged with someone. And the fact that you went ahead and managed to ignore my existence for weeks without any explanation, hurts more than I care to tell you."

Nikolai just blinked at you.

"Hey Y/n, I love the new colour." Blake, one of your AP Lit class friends, walked towards your table. You had decided to meet up to study together earlier this morning. You couldn't have known that he'd be interrupting your first conversation with Nikolai in days, though. However, you were grateful for his unwarranted presence. If you had kept talking, you were bound to say too much. And the college library was not the right place for this conversation.

You smiled at him and thanked him once he was standing next to you. Nikolai watched in silence as you gathered your things, his eyes moving to Blake than to your hair than to the bag that you were packing.

"Wait, y/n, we were talking." He stood up as well, reaching for you.

"Like I said, Nikolai, I'm quite busy."

"But-"

"Hey, didn't you say we had to meet at your room?" A girl you had never seen walked up to Nikolai holding her phone up as if to remind him of a text.

Ah.

"It seems you're still busy too." You pointed out, ignoring every implication of what was happening and instead took your bag and left.

"Wait!" you heard Nikolai calling you but you didn't turn nor did you stop. If he didn't want to be with you, then so be it. You weren't going to waste any more time with him. Blake next to you was talking but you had no idea about what.

A part of you was mad at yourself for having shared so much. For giving him the satisfaction of knowing just how much he had hurt you. If apparently, you meant so little to him, you didn't want him to know just how much power he held over you.

You had never thought Nikolai to be someone who hid between these petty strategies and ghosting tendencies. He had always seemed pretty straightforward about everything. Another part of you, was so mad at him for not having come to you and just broke up with you face to face.

It would have still hurt, yes, but at least it'd be over. Not this everlasting doubt and uncertainty.

You had half a mind to turn around and demand an explanation when you felt someone grip your wrist. Before you could say anything, they turned you around and pushed you against a wall.

"What-" of course, it was him.

"This ends now." Nikolai was towering over you, eyes narrowed daring you to say anything.

"You should have told me this weeks ago instead of ghosting me," you spat back not intimidated in the least even with his towering height.

"Oh, I'm not talking about us, sweetheart. We're far from done but you're never going to walk away from me again, okay?"

"So, it's only okay when you do it?"

"Uhm, y/n?" you heard Blake's voice from somewhere near you but Nikolai was too close to you for you to see him.

Nikolai held your gaze as you wordlessly urged him to move away. He didn't, of course, and he was actually challenging you to try. No matter how much you hated him right now, you knew that you needed to fix this. Better sooner than later.

"I'm sorry, Blake. Raincheck?"

"Sure," you heard him mumbled uncertainly but it sufficed one look from Nikolai to have him walk away.

"Now, we're finally going to settle this," he said when faced you again before taking your hand and leading you to his room.

"There's really nothing to settle. You decided I was not worthy of your time anymore and ghosted me while you busied yourself with other girls. It's over, that much I've gathered."

His hold on your hand tightened and you saw him clench his jaw but he didn't say anything until you were in the privacy of his room.

"Firstly, I'm deeply offended that you think I'd ever cheat on you but knowing how I've been acting lately, I can understand why you'd think that." He said as soon as the door closed behind him.

You were standing in the centre of the room, your arms crossed on your chest, your eyebrow raised in contempt. He gestured for you to sit but you silently refused. You were not going to make it easier for him.

He took in your defensive stance and heaved a deep breath before speaking again.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel unimportant or unwanted. You're my favourite person in the world, there's no one's company I enjoy more than yours."

"Could have fooled me," you huffed under your breath.

"I needed some time for myself not because you were a burden but because it's the only way I know to deal with grief. I could have dealt with it better, I agree." Nikolai's nervous tell has always been his hair. Or rather, the fact that he'd ran his fingers through them whenever he was nervous.

And since he began speaking, his hands hand been in his hair while he paced. You heard his voice waver but you knew he wasn't done, so you didn't interrupt his pacing.

"If you didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't have pressured you." Your arms fell on your side, a bit offended by his words.

"I know, my love, I know," he stopped and turned to you. His misty eyes hitting you like an arrow, "but even telling you that something happened would have made it real. And I was- I'm not ready to acknowledge it."

"We're a team, Nikolai. I don't want you to think you have to keep things from me."

"I don't. This has everything to do with me being in the denial and nothing to do with you. I know it's no excuse though, I promise I'll work on it." He had taken a step forward and took your hands in his.

"It's us against the world, Kolya." You were still upset and angry with him and maybe you were giving in too easily but you trusted him. Nikolai had never given you any reason not to. And you could see the pain shining bright in his eyes.

He wasn't good with emotions especially the bad ones and being together and handling things as a couple was still new to you as well. Of course, you hoped he had come to you sooner but you knew too well the feeling of wanting to erase something from your head. Speaking about it would make it real and sometimes it was too painful to do so. Acting like nothing happened was easier.

Not healthier of course, but definitely easier.

And if there was something that Nikolai wasn't is a liar. That was why he had been so distant, you realized. It didn't take the pain away but it certainly made understanding him easier.

"Us against the world, my sweet. I hope you can forgive me." Resting his forehead gently to yours, Nikolai made you a promise.

"Only if you promise to talk to me whenever things get bad and if you give me a kiss."

"Deal," he chuckled, his lips ghosting yours, "I'm going to make it up to you, my love, I promise."

A promise sealed with a kiss was the sweetest one. Especially when it had been so long since you had felt his lips on yours.

There was still much to discuss, like who was that girl, but for now, you let it slip from your mind. Nikolai's lips were a more enjoyable object to focus on.

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lanstov x you #nikolai lanstov angst #nikolai lanstov imagines #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lanstov one shot #nikolai lantsov fic #grishaverse #shadow and bone

[clairecrive]

"it’s been months since we broke up and i just found one of your old sweatshirts in my wardrobe and it’s making me miss you" nikolai x reader with a happy ending pls?

A/n: I can't help myself but give my best man a happy ending, sorry not sorry. Hope you like it x

Warnings: angst, confrontation, happy ending

Word count: 2K

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofshield, @for-bebbanburg, @randomoutsiders, @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria, @vintagebitc, @story-scribbler, @crowssixof, @odetostep, @lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

A knock on the door in the middle of the night wasn't something you were expecting to happen. Merely because you were not expecting anyone. Even though, to be fair, it wasn't that late. And considering how everyone's so busy these days, with the Darkling threat looming over your heads, everyone is required to put in some work to plan a strategy that will assure our victory. Or at least, to contain the damage that surely the Shadow Summoner had planned to inflict upon those who had betrayed him.

Sleep was a luxury these days, so really, you shouldn't have been surprised by someone calling for you. Sighing, you walked to the door wrapping your robe around your body.

When your eyes fell onto the person behind the door, you froze. Now this, was a surprise.

You definitely weren't expecting your ex-boyfriend to knock on your door in the middle of the night a month after your break up.

"Nikolai?" the surprise was clear in your voice as well as weariness. If he was here that meant that something terrible must have happened.

"Were you sleeping?" he shuffled on his feet. As if seeing at your door after all this time wasn't baffling enough, his insecurity certainly was.

You shook your head. "Has something happened?"

"Yes," he said rolling his shoulders back. You stood taller as well, bracing for the bad news. "it’s been months since we broke up and I just found one of your old sweatshirts in my wardrobe and it’s making me miss you," he added and pulled something from behind his back.

It was your sweatshirt indeed, one of your favourites, certainly the most comfortable one. One that you usually used to sleep but it was also the one that you had left in his rooms. The break-up had been sudden in the sense that it had been a long time in the making but the bubble had broken abruptly, leaving you no time to retrieve your stuff.

Well, you could have gone to him and ask for your things but you had spent the last month trying to avoid him.

"Nikolai-" now your words were tentative, a slight warning in them. There was a reason why things had ended, after all.

"No, please, just hear me out." There was no insecurity in his voice anymore, nor in his body language. You knew the man in front of him, painfully aware of how stubborn he was. And the truth was that you had missed him too. Being so close to him and yet so far away had been one of the hardest things you had to do.

So you relented. With a nod, you let him in your room.

You closed the door and when you turned around you saw him sitting on your bed. You took a couple of step towards him but decided to stand at a safe distance from him. Nikolai's eyes were on you and you shifted on your feet under his gaze.

"What's there left to say?" You spoke since he didn't. His presence was unnerving enough on its own, embarrassing silence wasn't a surplus you needed.

"I'm aware of why we broke up, what you think. But I need you to know that it was a huge misunderstanding." He said, squaring his shoulders.

You scoffed, crossing your arms on your chest. "Really? And you waited a month to clear the air?"

"It wouldn't have been fair to you for me to have this conversation before." He stated as if he was during one of his diplomatic meetings.

"Because all this time, you've still been flirting with her."

"I wouldn't put it like that..." He slightly grimaced, his eyes leaving yours for the first time to move to his hands.

"Courting, wooing, pursuing, whatever Nikolai. I don't care how you'd put it. I don't care about what you do with her either." Gesturing with your hands, you sneered at his audacity. He wasn't going to get out of this on semantics. Nonetheless, it was over and you didn't want to show just how aggravated seeing him with Alina made you. "It's none of my business." You shook your head and moved towards your window, giving him your back.

"Well, maybe you don't care but I do. Maybe what I have to tell you won't change a thing but I need to at least try." He raised his voice, frustration clear in his words for your attitude. But you couldn't care less, you had just started. "Because this past month without you has been hell and I don't want to spend another day without you." His voice trembled a bit at the end and you knew that it wasn't easy for him to be this vulnerable with you.

"Don't tell Alina that." You teased him in a neutral tone. Back still to him.

"Alina doesn't care, y/n. And neither do I."

"Could have me fooled."

"It would have been a political union." Frustrated, he pointed out. You turned around this time, scoffing at the implicit insult.

"That much I had guessed, Nikolai." You weren't stupid. And you knew Nikolai. As soon as the first wave of pain and betrayal passed, you realized that it must have been a strategic move on his part. Not that it made anything better.

"You...did?" He almost stammered, eyes widening in surprise.

"Of course," you sighed, "but it doesn't make anything better. So if this is all you had to say, I'm afraid it doesn't change anything."

"But- it changes everything. I don't love Alina, I never have." He insisted, standing up from the bed and taking a step in your direction.

"You would have still married her though, wouldn't you?" You pointed out with a rhetorical question that he still felt like answering.

"Well, I-"

"And you didn't tell me anything, did you?" You continued this time without giving him time to speak. "So yes, maybe you didn't love her. Maybe you loved me but would that matter once you were married to her?"

"I'll tell you: no it wouldn't have. Because as much as I loved you, I wouldn't have let you made me your mistress. And you and Alina are good friends, I'm sure you'd grow to love her with time." Your voice has hardened, failing at carelessly exposing an eventual love blooming between them. But Nikolai didn't notice. He was still at the second sentence.

"Loved?"He whispered. Past tense.

"Did you expect me to hold a torch forever?" Your voice softened at his reaction but still- you weren't going to be around forever. He had made his choice, after all.

"Of course not," Nikolai mumbled as he sat down on the bed again and looked down at your sweatshirt still in his hands. You couldn't see his face and you knew that it was a deliberate move. Never had you seen him to defeated and crestfallen. His shoulders slumped, his fingers fisted the material in his hands.

Sighing, you closed the distance between you and sat beside him on the bed. Maybe you had been too harsh but it was an instinct for you to be so defensive. Even though his betrayal had hurt you immensely, hurting him back was never your intention.

"I don't think I could ever stop loving you." You whispered. Eyes latched on your fumbling fingers, you heave a sigh. This felt like the confession it was.

"But you can't expect me to be fine just because you explained Nikolai. It doesn't excuse the lies or the betrayal." You continued, wanting him to understand. Now that everything was out in the open, it was best to speak heart to heart.

"Indeed it doesn't. And I'm sorry I've hurt you, it was never my intention." He agreed and apologised but you shook your head. What good was it an apology now? It wasn't a matter of forgiveness anymore. There was now a lack of trust and you didn't know how to handle it.

"How do you think I would have reacted? What if she said yes, uh? What then, Nikolai? Would an "I love you" fix everything?" Speaking no matter the lump of your throat, you turned to face him. His eyes were already on you. They were glossy and one of his hands reached out to yours to hold it.

"I knew she was going to say no. And I knew that it was a low move on my part considering that you're my whole heart but I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't at least try," he confessed. You nodded because you knew how much he cared for Ravka's future and having Alina on the throne would no doubt have a positive impact on all fronts.

"Because having her on the throne would have been advantageous for us, for Ravka. It would benefit us in so many ways that I had to try, at least. No matter the sacrifice." The last word came out as a whisper, his eyes flickering between yours and you understood the underlying message. But that was exactly the problem.

"What hurt me the most, Nikolai was that you made the decision for both of us."

"I'm not a strategist but I understand the power Alina holds. It would have still hurt but if you had told me, it would have been different." You explained as his eyes filled with an emotion that you recognized as regret.

"I'm sorry, y/n. I never wanted you to feel like you don't matter to me. Because you do. You have no idea how much you do. And I love you, I really do." His hold on your hands tightened and you were surprised to see how his lower lip trembled a bit.

"I love you too, Kolya." You confessed, unable to pretend the contrary. "But I don't know where to go from here."

"You don't owe me anything, my sweet. I wanted you to know and now you do. That's more than I deserve." One of his hands came up to caress your cheek as he gave you a small smile. You actually leaned to him, missing the touch, the closeness.

You missed him.

And yes, he had made a mistake. Yes, he had hurt you. But was it to the point of no return? To be fair, you knew that nothing had actually happened between him and Alina besides the proposal. And sure, that was certainly enough on its own but in a way that meant that it hadn't actually cheated.

He had surely betrayed your trust and lied to you. But trust could be regained. And work could be done on your relationships so as not to have these communication problems again.

The question is: were you willing to put yourself through that? Because it was not going to be easy. And there was a chance that it wasn't going to work.

His eyes boring on yours, you hoped to convey your insecurity to him. You knew he loved you. And you dearly loved him too. Maybe you could give him a second chance. If love was there maybe it was worth it to put in the effort to make it work.

Scratch that- it definitely was.

"What about what I deserve?" You whispered as your hands wrapped around his on your face.

"Everything and more, my love." His eyes flickered between yours hopefully. Trying to see if he could find the confirmation in them of what your words implied.

"Well, I think that I deserve a prince." You stated with a small smile.

"Even if he's unworthy of you?" He insisted, raising an eyebrow but mirroring your smile.

"I guess I can give him another chance to prove himself."

"He'd be most grateful, my dear. But I'm afraid he'll never deserve you." His face got closer to yours, nose almost touching. He cradled your face in his hands, his thumb stroking your cheeks.

"Enough with the charming, Kolya, I'm already yours. Come and get me." You chuckled with a roll of your eyes before eagerly tugging him closer to you.

"As you wish." He said before he kissed you. Slowly at first, almost as if he couldn't still believe that it was happening. Then with the hold on your face, he pulled you closer angling your face so as to deepen the kiss.

Your old sweatshirt laid discarded on your bedroom floor. Forgotten for the moment as you caught up on your lost time together.

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov fluff #nikolai lantsov angst #nikolai lanstov imagine #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lantsov one shot #grishaverse #shadow and bone

[clairecrive]

hi! I just recently found your account and I've been spending all my time reading everything you've written, and I wanted to tell you that I absolutely adore your writing! it's so beautiful.

I also wanted to request a friends to lovers nikolai x reader fic (you don't have to make it friends to lovers if you don't want to!) something along the lines of this: they get seperated after the battle with the darkling at the end of siege and storm and reader has to go with alina but they finally reunite? and everyone is super smug because they knew it would happen.

sorry for such a long ask and no worries if you decide not to do it! I hope you're doing well!!

Fools, pistols blazing and shock

A/n: a promise is a promise and the second most requested fic was Nikolai and angst and so here it is! friends to lovers is not my favorite trope but I enjoyed writing this. I hope you will too x

Thank you so much for your beautiful words btw, they mean the world <3<3

tags: @jupiterandbutterflies , @agentsofsheilds , @for-bebbanburg , @randomoutsiders , @hannaxmaria , @vintagebitc , @story-scribbler , @crowssixof , @odetostep , @lizzie-he4rts , @korol-lantsov , @subjecta13-thefangirl ,@gallysonegoodlung , @a-c-lee , @mriddlemethis , @carnationworld , @thanossexual , @luvxginger , @sanna2020 , @partiesandblurrypolaroids , @edithsvoice , @wafflesandschemingfaces , @snugleo , @sugarmelonwater , @dobwhore, @sassybadqueen , @anything-forourmoony, @snokoi, @imaginingimagines, @vintagebitc_,

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

"So," he twirled around, "how do I look?" With a theatrical gesture, he stopped in front of you.

You looked at him, head to toe, before saying, "Like a fool I know."

He was imperturbable, by the smirk on his face one would think that you had paid him a compliment. "The answer was far simpler: handsome."

"You look like a prince," you conceded, " but so does your brother so take that as you will." And with that, you walked to your assigned post leaving a scandalized Nikolai behind.

The dinner went by smoothly even if you had to bear Vasily being his annoying self. So far so good. The important thing was that the people around the table were under no threat. The rest was bearable.

And no, it had nothing to do with Nikolai winking at you from time to time. Flirting was second nature to him and Alina's presence by his side was a cold reminder of how things were.

It took one look at her for your face to go as blank as Mal's on the other side of the room.

You had disconnected from the conversation at the table for a second, your attention going to the exit where a Grisha soldier had just walked in to talk to Zoya. If you had been paying attention to Nikolai, you would have known what to expect.

But you hadn't and so the next few seconds were pure chaos.

The unthinkable happened.

Black shadows filled the room, leaving no chance to the people they had appeared before. The Queen's scream brought your attention back to the table and consequently to the Vasily. Or rather, to what was left of him.

Beside him, the kind had crouched down to hide and was cowering behind the throne. The Queen clutched her son's body to her chest wailing and screaming. Then your eyes fell on him, standing tall in front of his parents shooting away.

You didn't know what you were going to do. You didn't think. You just acted and the next thing you knew, you were running towards him shooting fire at whatever tendrils of shadows you could see.

"Nikolai!"

In a moment, you reached his side, covering his back for every possible attack.

"You need to go," you urged him over the sounds of crying and shooting. A shot of light filled the room blinking you for a moment and panic shot through you at the possibility of Alina being hurt.

"Take your parents and Alina and go Nikolai. You can't stay here!" You insisted again, still back to back, unwilling to let anything happen to him. If he meant to argue you didn't know. You heard him speak but his words went unheard over the chaos in the room.

You turned around just in time to see one of those things trying to make their way to him. The tendrils of fire that shot through you slowed it down but it was only a shot of wind coming from a squaller that did the trick and sent it away.

Nodding in the squaller's direction you took Nikolai's shoulders and turned him towards the secret exit behind the throne.

"Stop playing hero and just go for Saint's sake!" Under normal circumstances, he was stronger than you. And well, he still was but too busy worrying about getting his family to safety and covering your back, he ended up succumbing to your shoves.

"I can't leave you here!"

"You can and you surely will! I'll make sure that Alina is safe," ushering him and his parents towards the exit, you didn't give him time to argue. Once they were through the door, you closed it behind them and melted the lock.

You allowed yourself only a moment to worry about him, to mourn him if things were to go downhill for you. Only a second for you to mourn the future that you knew you were never going to get with him.

Then it was over. Your heart locked away and your mind focused solely on the battle ahead. You needed to make sure that Alina was alive and get her to safety whilst also trying to save as many as you could along the way.

A piece of cake.

*+*+*+*+*+*

You knew that he had made it out of Os Alta alive. You had gotten word that he had arrived safe and sound to one of his hiding spots scattered around the country.

Alina and a group of other Grisha, including yourself, had managed to make it out alive out of the capital as well.

All was as well as it could be under these gloomy circumstances. And yet, you couldn't help but feel like you had lost.

Too many had fallen under the Darkling's wrath. Too many had given up their lives in honor of Ravka's freedom. Too many sacrifices for you all to be hiding in the tunnels like scared cats.

But you had a plan. You just needed to be in the same room as Alina, all of you at once, and you were going to make your way up.

It was only a matter of time before you were going to see him again.

*+*+*+*+*+*

It turned out that you were right. It was a matter of time indeed before you saw Nikolai again.

As always, he couldn't help but make a grand entrance while praising his good looks. For once, your eyes didn't roll in mock annoyance. The joy of seeing him again, safe and sound while also saving your asses, prevailed.

And the moment his eyes met yours? Priceless.

Despite being in the middle of running away and fighting the first army's soldiers, you felt like there was only the two of you. Nothing mattered besides Nikolai, his stupid smirk that shone brighter than all the stars combined.

It turned out that that moment came with a price indeed. Your distraction paved the way for an almost fatal mistake.

Too lost in Nikolai's eyes and restraining yourself from throwing yourself at him, you didn't notice the soldier sneaking up behind him. Or well, you didn't until it was too late.

The movement caught your eyes, but the bastard had his pistol already drawn. You had the presence of the spirit of pushing Nikolai out of the way before a shot was fired.

Focusing on the bullet you tried all your might to melt it, but you knew it was a desperate attempt since you had noticed it too late. Trying and losing was better than not trying at all so trying you did.

However, what turned out to be life-saving was Nikolai's counterattack. While you exercised the small science, Nikolai quickly drew his own pistol and shoot at the soldier.

Time seemed to slow down as you stared in front of him, hands in the air while Nikolai moved behind you. Right before your brain registered that while you had indeed managed to burn the bullet, it was still coming your way at high speed, another object entered your field vision.

At that moment you didn't exactly decipher what had happened, you blinked and the bullet was not there anymore. However, your stupor was short-lived as other soldiers were coming your way after hearing the noise.

At that point, Nikolai tugged you away and towards his awaiting ship knowing that the soldiers would surely outnumber you.

It all happened in a blink. One moment you were on the ground hellbent on not dying, and the other you were up in the air.

That, combined with the stress of the last couple of weeks. exhaustion and dehydration put you in a state of shock. Resulting in you staring numbly ahead of you.

Then, when you felt a hand on your face, your brain started working again and your eyes slowly began to focus.

"Are you injured?"

Nikolai was moving your head left and right to check for wounds and after that, he moved down on your neck and vital points. But you weren't hurt.

"It's so typically you to swoop in and save the day in the most dramatic way possible that I shouldn't even be surprised."

Your sarcasm reassured him that you were fine more than the absence of physical wounds. Leaning back on his haunches, he gave you a lazy smirk. "You know me, always read to save damsels in distress."

You almost hated how handsome he looked in that moment but the fact that he basically had saved your life made it really hard for you to get mad at him.

"Not a damsel and not in distress but I appreciated your gesture," you fired back falling naturally into your usual easy banter. "Thank you, Kolya."

"You shouldn't be thanking me. I did it for a whole selfish reason." His features morphed into seriousness which was usually something he left for meetings or that kind of stuff. Seeing it now directed at you, seriously worried you.

"Since when does Nikolai Lanstov shy away from gratefulness and compliments?" You tried to jest but to no avail.

"I'm serious."

"Alright, so why did you do it? You have tons of other Grisha available."

"Because a world without you is not a world I want to live in."

Well, damn. Trust Nikolai to make you completely speechless.

"That must be the shock talking," you murmured still taken back by his words.

"I've almost lost you, y/n, I'm not going to waste any more time avoiding my feelings." Crossing his arms on his chest, Nikolai lightly shook his head. Damn, there was no smirk on his face, no twinkle in his eyes. He must be serious.

"I should be having an epiphany moment since I was the one who almost died," you protested.

"Feel free to declare your undying love for me then."

"Ass. Now I'm tempted not to do it just to prove you wrong," you glared at him but sighed knowing what you needed to do. "But, as much as it pains me, you're right."

Your eyes flickered between yours and the sheer intensity of them gave you enough confidence to bear your heart to him, "I do love you, you know."

"Well, let's be honest, who wouldn't. I'm amazing," with a careless shrug, Nikolai gestured to himself. Which, of course, made you glare at him.

"Joking, I take it back. You're insufferable." Your mock-annoyance did nothing but amuse him to no end. However untruthful they might be, Nikolai played along with your words. While also progressively leaning closer to you.

"Nope, can't do that love. You signed your destiny, you're mine." You would have retired, of course you would have, but the truth is, his lips were more interesting than any witty comeback ever could.

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lantsov x reader #grishaverse #nikolai lantsov imagine #shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lantsov fic #nikolai lantsov fluff #nikolai my love #nikolai lanstov angst

[lauralestrange7]

Masterlist

Harry Potter 

Fics :-

Asterism

Blurbs (funny and fluffy)

Chocolate (The marauders + Y/n)

Don’t flatter yourself (Sirius x Y/n)

Black lakes and invisible cloaks (Sirius x Y/n)

After a fight (Sirius x Y/n)

One-shots

Oliver Wood 

i) Oliver Wood x slytherin!reader

II) Oliver Wood x slytherin!reader  (yet another one)

iii) Magic Summers

iv) Imagine

v) Don’t forget your coat

Sirius black

i) The Cathedral

ii) Toujours Pur

iii) Library pt.1

iv) Library pt.2

iv) What did I do wrong?

v) Run away

Remus Lupin

i) Scars pt.1

ii) Scars pt.2

iii) That’s my sister

Regulus Black

i) Reckless pt.1

ii) Reckless pt.2

iii) Uncomfortable

iv) Just a nightmare

v) More than this

vi) Smug

vii) Always

viii) Library pt.1

ix) Library pt.2 

x) Tickles

James Potter

i)Skateboard

Grishaverse 

Nikolai Lanstov

i) Eignteen pt.1

Kaz Brekker

i) Sunshine

Aleksander Morozova

i) Yours

Read my works on Wattpad 

#masterlist #Harry Potter #harry potter x readers

[sanktnikolais]

The Berlin Affair (as narrated by Nikolai Lanstov)

A/N: This has been so fun to write and this is probably my fave part on TMFU au. ;-; BLESS U FOR THIS AU 

Do read the companion piece of this in Zoya’s perspective written by @wafflesandkruge. It’s perfect. 👀 👀

Word Count: 3283

Nikolai was one step ahead of them. 

          He was on the balcony of a restaurant the opposite side of the street, looking through his binoculars and through the windows of a well-known cafe. It was easy to spot his contact—or his alleged contact. She stood out among the rest of the people in the shop, the long waves of raven hair were hard to miss, and the way her dark eyes roamed the room didn’t go unnoticed by him. At least she looked like a civilian hiding among the crowd.

          But Nikolai knew otherwise.

          Their informant had told them in the last minute that the Russians knew about the handoff between the CIA contact and him. The documents contained the names of Russian moles in the American government, and if it were really true, the chaos would be unimaginable. The KGB had sent someone to pose as his contact, and Nikolai sent a silent prayer of respect to whatever fate his actual contact had gotten.

          Apparently the bad news didn’t stop there. The Russians also knew about Nikolai, his past, reputation, and identity. Basically what they needed to catch him. But a good informant was all it took to be one step ahead. Perhaps he should treat Brekker a drink after he got out of this damned mission.

          The raven-haired woman checked her watch, her fingers tapping impatiently on the table. The geek side in him tried to think that she was secretly tapping out a message in Morse code, but he knew he was being ridiculous. His triumph over outsmarting the KGB was bringing too much amusement to him.

          With one final look over the woman, Nikolai turned to leave. It would be tricky to find the actual documents without the contact now. But he would find a way.

          There was no ‘impossible’. Only improbable.

That night he sent a transmission to the contact, asking for a reschedule for the drop off due to a ‘nefarious interference’. He’d had a good laugh over it, as he wasn’t planning to show up to the rescheduled date. The KGB could go wait for another whole day and waste their time trying to plan how to ambush him or just give up trying to corner him. Either way, he didn’t care. 

          For now, he had some searching to do.

***

The information came on the day of the third attempt of the dropoff. Nikolai was following some leads he was able to connect to the actual CIA contact when his pager gave a resounding tone.

          “The woman who posed as your contact has the documents hidden somewhere in her place. One of my spies had followed her back to her place and overheard her arguing about it on the phone.”

          There were no other messages aside from that, and Nikolai grit his teeth in frustration. He had no plans to make an appearance over the same crowded cafe where he had been leading the contact on. The odds had definitely shifted his way, but now he had to make actual contact with the woman.

          Perhaps he could have at least a bit of fun trying to charm the stern-faced woman. 

          “All right,” he muttered to himself as he left his current location. “Let’s see if your charm has limits, Lanstov.” 

          Evening came, and at the same time it was the time of the dropoff. Nikolai made sure to go an hour later than the set time as he assumed that by now, the woman would have had much less patience waiting on nothing for the last three meetups. 

          He arrived at the corner of the street the cafe was in, risking a glance to the cafe’s interior. To his relief, the raven-haired woman was still there on the same table he had seen her during the first dropoff. She still looked regal as ever, and for some reason, Nikolai felt drawn to her dark, observing eyes. 

          No, he scolded himself. You’re here to get the documents, not to get distracted by her. 

          Nikolai adjusted the glasses on his nose, careful not to dishivel his dark-colored hair. The shoe polish felt sticky and wet on his hair, but he braved through it. It was the only thing that would hide his true identity besides the lenses that made his eye color muddy green.

          There was movement at the corner of his eye, and he turned to look just in time to see the woman emerge from the cafe’s front door. For a moment, their eyes met, and Nikolai swore he had never seen another woman that gorgeous. 

          He sucked in a breath as if he had been punched in the gut. Her eyes were stormy blue.

          Focus, you idiot.

          Automatically, a smile appeared on his face, the act already beginning. And yet, he couldn’t stop staring at her.

          “Good evening,” Nikolai said, mustering all the suave he had in him. If he was going to act around her, he might as well give it his best. “What’s a beautiful woman like you doing here alone?”

          He had expected her to ignore him and walk away, and he’d have to think of another plan to approach her. But much to his surprise, the raven-haired woman said, “My supposed date stood me up.” She shook her head. “For the third time.”

          Nikolai bit back his tongue to keep himself from laughing. It’s going to be fun, indeed. “Oh? Only a fool wouldn’t show up to meet a gorgeous woman like you,” he said. He bowed his head a little, regarding her with respect. “May I be the one to make up for his loss tonight? I would like to buy you a drink.” 

          The woman eyed him for a moment, and Nikolai wondered why he was feeling nervous all of a sudden. Had he been drinking too much coffee for the past several days? “Alright, then,” the woman said, tiredness obvious in her voice. “Take me away, stranger.”

***

Nikolai didn’t expect to get to her apartment that quickly. 

          They had talked for hours about the random things they could think of, with him trying to jab a few compliments to his reply when he saw the chance, and she would just brush it off with an eye roll or a shake of her head.

          But when Zoey—or so what she had told him her name was after a couple of drinks and to which he introduced himself as Napoleon—ended up drinking one too many shots, she drunkenly told him to take her back to her place.

          He obliged, of course. To have the chance to search her place, he reminded himself. And also out of respect. Nikolai wasn’t one to leave a woman in her drunken state in public.

          That was how he ended up guiding Zoey to her door, with her fumbling for the key to open the lock. When she finally opened the door after several tries, Nikolai stood awkwardly over the door frame, seemingly nervous about the sudden turn of events. 

          Zoey stumbled through the door, and then turned to look at him expectantly. He blinked, staring right back at her. The guarded aspect in her blue eyes was gone and replaced by an obvious desire. Nikolai felt his throat become dry. 

          With a roll of her eyes, the raven-haired woman grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and pulled him inside, clumsily closing the door behind him. And then her hands were roaming over his shoulders and down his chest as she tried to shove the coat off his shoulders. 

          Nikolai let out a nervous laugh, reaching a hand up to stop her ministrations. “Alright, let’s take it slow, my dear,” he murmured. The feel of her hand in his felt just right. “Let’s get you to bed.”

          “No,” she slurred, trying to pry her hands away from him. “Distract me.”

          She sounded desperate and strained, and he knew that it was because of her mission that kept being delayed by his doing. But Nikolai held firm. He refused to take advantage of her state. “Hush now. You’re drunk.” Then he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom, tucking her in the bed carefully. 

          Zoey had already fallen asleep in the short span of the walk from her door to the bedroom. She looked peaceful in her sleep, the furrowed eyebrows and the full frown completely gone. A stray hair was on her cheek, and Nikolai’s hand twitched at his side as he fought the urge to brush it away. 

          He still did it anyway. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he said, though he knew he should be finishing the mission tonight while he’s already in her apartment and she was fast asleep.

          Zoey grumbled back something in Russian, and turned to her side. Nikolai chuckled softly. She could be the death of him, he realized, and he could only hope it wouldn’t be too literal. 

          He searched her apartment for a bit, careful not to misplace anything, and he spotted a safe under the bed. A laugh escaped him. Bingo. 

          The safe had a wheel combination lock, and Nikolai eyed it a bit longer before a knock on the front door startled him out of his spelunking. He’d figure out how to get it later. 

          He figured he could prolong their tryst for a few more days. It wouldn’t be that much of a problem. Hopefully.

***

Their ‘meetups’ continued for the next week. Mostly it was Nikolai trying to follow Zoey to the places she’d go in hopes to continue to track down ‘Nikolai Lanstov’. That’s why it was always fun and amusing seeing her surprised expression whenever he happened to be around after she gave up in tracking her ‘leads’.

          Nikolai had always asked her out for a drink at the pub, and more times than not, she accepted his invitation. Though she never got that drunk after the first night they actually met. 

          There was even a time when he had invited her to a strange play with tickets that he had managed to snag from the seller. Zoey hadn’t enjoyed a minute of it, and it was quite amusing to see her furrowed brows and deadpan expression all throughout the night as he kept stealing glances on her way. 

          He had driven her back to her place and when he looked at her, Nikolai was sure he could have seen an expectant look in her eyes. His heart did a weird flip, but he only brushed it off with a laugh and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. He hadn’t planned to do it—it was as if his body acted on its own and he was left questioning his reasons for prolonging this tryst.

          He knew he should have finished the mission after a few days; feeling around for the combination to the safe would be a child’s play for him, but somehow Nikolai couldn’t stop their nightly rendezvous. His infatuation for her was slowly growing into something more. 

          Maybe that was why when a message came to his pager on a particular night in a pub while they were drinking did Nikolai decide that he would finally get the mission done.

          He had excused himself in the restroom to read it, and was floored by the lone message.

          “The woman that KGB sent was Zoya Nazyalensky. They’ve called off the operation. This is your chance. Get out now if you want to live.”

          Nikolai reared back in shock. No wonder her name sounded so familiar. The KGB had sent their deadliest and most cunning agent to stop him. And he had been confident of himself to prolong their dalliance.

          Shit.

          He thought back of the times Zoey—or Zoya—had agreed to his offer. Had she really been interested in him? Or had she just needed something to distract her for her frustrations over a dead end? Or worse, did she know who he was and this was all an elaborate trap?

          Nikolai stopped himself. It wasn’t the right time to think about those things. The mission was still ongoing, and he wasn’t going to back down from it just because the KGB had sent their gorgeous yet deadly agent for him. 

          He put the pager back in his coat. This would be done tonight.

          He returned to their spot by the bar, trying his best not to show the strained expression on his face. Zoya was still on her seat, lazily swirling the drink in her hand. Her eyes lit up a little when she met his gaze.

          “Leaving?” she asked.

          Nikolai forced a smile to his face, but it felt more like a grimace. “Far from that.”

***

They ended up in her apartment again. But this time, neither of them were intoxicated. 

          The door wasn’t even completely closed when Zoya yanked at his tie and crashed her lips to his. Nikolai had expected her eagerness, her release of frustration because of a failed mission. 

          But he didn’t anticipate his own. 

          Nikolai responded almost immediately, pushing her against the back of the door after he kicked it close. His hand came to the back of her neck, and he kissed her harder as he felt her hands working on the buttons of his coat. He felt on fire under her touch. He helped her take the garment off of his shoulders, only pausing for a second to breathe before they were onto each other again. 

          He could still taste the vodka on her tongue, and if she had been a drink Nikolai was sure he would be intoxicated the moment he got a taste of her. 

          The sudden feel of her hands reaching up to his hair was the one that brought him back from his stupor. His mind started thinking straight again. 

          The hair color would come off. She would discover his true identity. 

          You still have a mission, Lantsov.

          It was those alarming thoughts that made him pull away, albeit reluctantly, a light laugh coming from his lips. He started to think of excuses to get to the bedroom. “Let me freshen up first, okay?”

          Zoya’s eyes were dark with want as she looked back up at him, and for a moment, all he wanted was to kiss her senseless again. But his duties were pushing back hard to his mind. She stepped away reluctantly. “Alright,” she said, almost breathless.

          Nikolai took the chance to slip to the bedroom while she was still rooted by the door. He could hear clatters and thuds as she straightened something out. How fortunate for him that she was distracted. His fingers were shaking as he felt around for the combination of the safe, carelessly spinning around the wheel. 

          The memory of her against him was enough to distract him from unlocking the safe, and he cursed his stupidity for letting it overcome him. He shouldn’t have prolonged this affair for a week; he should have just gotten around and unlocked the safe that night when she was drunk and went his own way. But instead he almost let her crawl her way to his heart because of his foolishness, and he nearly lost sight of what he needed to do. 

          So much for being the heartbreaker and womanizer. It came back to slap him in the face. You break hearts, Lantsov, not give your own away.

          A click finally resounded after several tries, and the safe opened. Nikolai quickly grabbed the manila envelope and searched for a way out. No time for distractions. He got what he needed. 

          The window was his only option, and he hoped he didn’t have to jump off the ledge that might ruin his suit. He paused by the pane, turning back to the nightstand. Perhaps he could get himself a token to remind him of KGB's deadliest agent. 

          After getting some souvenirs from her drawer, Nikolai went out through the bedroom window. Thankfully, there was a metal staircase leading to the ground floor and Nikolai bolted for his car parked by the curb. 

          He thought he had lost her back in the apartment complex. But as he looked over his rearview mirror, he saw another car gaining up on him. At the driver’s seat was his raven-haired almost-lover. And she looked murderous.

          Despite the danger and probable death he was in, Nikolai let out a laugh. Oh, how he had gotten in this situation. He supposed he was still fond of her, even if she wanted to kill him.

          A shot rang out, and there was a loud sound of bursting tires. Now would be the perfect time to panic. 

          “Come on, love. Let me go this once,” Nikolai muttered as he tried to keep on driving despite the busted back tire. He was almost near the checkpoint. 

          Another shot rang out, and the other back tire exploded. Nikolai cursed under his breath. The woman was deadly, indeed. Without having much of a choice, he ditched the car and settled for running instead. The guardhouse by the checkpoint was at least half a kilometer away. 

          Nikolai risked a glance back, and wished he didn’t. Zoya had also gotten out of the car and was calmly following him, like she had all the time in the world. He finally reached the checkpoint and was immediately stopped by two guards. 

          “Look, man, I’m American, okay? I know I missed the curfew by an hour but look, I have an American passport,” Nikolai knew he was babbling, but with Zoya Nazyalensky at his tail? It was only normal to talk quickly. “And my crazy ex-girlfriend is out to kill me. Let me pass?”

          To his surprise, the guards chuckled. “Damn, that’s rough, buddy.” One of them patted him on the shoulder, and they only took a glance at his passport before they were waving him through. 

          The moment Nikolai was beyond the barricades, he let out a relieved sigh. He got to live for another day.

          “KGB. Let me through.” 

          Nikolai whirled around to see Zoya’s disheveled yet still deadly presence by the guardhouse, and she was staring right at him even as she spoke to the guards. He leaned over the bridge railing, watching as the guards stopped her from pushing through the barricades. 

          “Identification, please,” one of the guards said.

          He watched in amusement as Zoya tapped around her dress in search of her identification card. Nikolai let out a laugh, and it caught the raven-haired woman’s attention. She looked up just as he produced a card from his vest pocket and waved it in the air.

          A shadow crossed her face, and he was sure she was thinking of all the ways to murder him. He’d definitely miss her glare. Particularly her. It wasn’t often that he got to meet someone as cunning and beautiful as Zoya Nazyalensky. He could only hope that she’d remember him.

          Just then, his mind suddenly came up with an idea. 

          Something to remember me by. With another smile, Nikolai teasingly hovered his hand holding her ID card over the railing. He saw Zoya’s eyes widen, her lips moving as if to say something spiteful at him, and it only gave him more reason to go through with his idea.

          He flicked the card into the river.

          If it was possible for her to look much more murderous, he was sure that her current demeanor would pass as one. He could practically hear her thoughts about wanting to murder him, but Nikolai only gave her a wink, a silent promise to meet her again, before he turned and went on his way.

          Until next time, love.

***

Who would have thought that it would happen sooner?

#zoyalai #king of scars #au #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lanstov #my writing #AAAAAAA #my fave part of the au