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jerreeeeeee · 3 days

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i don't think taako's voice is really all that high most of the time. it's higher than justin's normal voice a little, but idk, the defining quality of it isn't its pitch to me, there's something else that i don't really have the words for. but anyway i do notice that his voice gets lower and less exaggerated when he's being serious. which is interesting bc it sort of implies that the usual "taako voice" is something he puts on.

i don't really think of taako as a habitual performer. his charisma modifier is a -1, he's not this ultra smooth charming actor, and although he does tend to hide behind humor and is slow to build connections, he's also very frank with what he's about and what he wants. he goes on an entire tirade about wanting to talk about his feelings (he's multidimensional!), he never acts embarrassed or hesitant about big moments of vulnerability and caring for others (arms outstretched, "i'm not going fucking anywhere," admitting a deep fear to kravitz on their first date, spilling his tragic backstory to angus, not to mention several serious moments with lup) (and not all of these can be chalked up to "forgotten connections," either. he does have a foundation of growth with magnus and merle, even forgotten, and his conversations with lup are of course all with memories intact, but he does not have that with kravitz and angus). he's just slow to reveal all of his hidden depths, because of (understandable) trust issues. but all in all he's not nearly as closed off as i think fandom tends to portray him (which is not to say he's open, either), nor is he someone who wears a lot of masks and obscures himself. i don't think he hides his "true self."

sizzle it up was successful because of his intelligence, not his charisma. he's a natural teacher who's knowledgeable and passionate, and that was what made the show great, not his personality or performance (though i don't think those were bad. just not the primary appeal of the show. the only fan we see is ren, and she loved sizzle it up because it inspired her and taught her to cook, not because she thought taako was awesome or whatever). bc that's the thing, he's not a performer, but he is extremely adaptable. so when he's set up with a stagecoach and a show lined up, sure, he'll have a TV persona, he'll learn to be charming, he'll learn to be showy, when he's on stage. when he gets famous, he learns to like being famous, but i don't think it was really a dream of his before then. or at least not in the way people think of it. i don't think he ever wanted to be a celebrity as much as a celebrity chef or celebrity wizard. he doesn't care if people think he's pretty. he doesn't want people to adore him (before the voidfish, anyway. afterwards is a different story. there's a void where love used to be that he's desperate to fill, and adoration almost feels like it works). really what he wants is for people to appreciate his skill and intelligence and depth (and he's also very afraid of actually displaying those things. he's multidimensional).

but most of the time, when he's not literally performing for an audience, i just don't think he's putting on a show, desperate for people to like him and think he's charming. he'll do what he needs to do, say what he needs to say, be who he needs to be in any given circumstance, with strangers and antagonists, but he also drops the act when it's not necessary. or at least his performance is subtler. he performs stupidity, he performs nonchalance, he makes efforts to be funny (because he is always funny, but that's something you have to work for and always be thinking about, even when the humor is dry), he carefully does just enough to be useful, but not enough to raise expectations. he's very aware of how other people view him, but he's also perfectly okay with people thinking negatively about him—as long as they're the negative traits he wants people to see. but, he only does all those things in the beginning of the show; after a little while with magnus and merle, after a little while with the bob, he drops the act. so i guess that's the difference to me. he's adaptable out of necessity, it doesn't bleed into his entire life. i don't even really think i'd qualify it as a performance. it's more of an invisibility. he's not performing charisma to get people to like him, he's trying to lay low. but then when he actually wants people to like him, he's himself, fairly unapologetically. with the people who matter, lup, magnus and merle, kravitz, the other bob members, the other ipre crew, he's pretty comfortable with himself.

one last interesting point is that while he doesn’t seem to hesitate when it comes to actions, he does shy away from verbal displays of affection, trust, vulnerability. and the best two scenes to show that play out almost exactly the same: lup’s best day ever dinner, and dropping his disguise self with kravitz. in each, taako does something meaningful for both npcs, who then verbalize their affection for him, which taako immediately deflects with a joke.

taako drops his disguise spell for kravitz, totally honest with him, (although… i don’t tend to think the beauty sacrifice was as meaningful to taako as fandom tends to portray, i think most of his vanity is an exaggeration he intentionally cultivates, but still, it’s a vulnerable moment, he clearly cares what kravitz thinks), and kravitz tells him he loves him. to which taako replies with a joke. he does not return the words.

taako doesn’t hesitate to construct the best day ever for lup, never even questions why she’d ask. he puts it all together, cooks for her, shows her he knows her, he loves her—and then when she bears her heart to him, tells him he is her heart, all he says is, “i know,” and pulls out a bottle of vodka. of course lup knows he loves her, the whole day was an elaborate demonstration of it, but he doesn’t say anything. to be fair, it’s not exactly a typical interaction between them, taako is textually scared shitless, lup did just tell him she’s going to turn herself into an undead abomination, so he’s not exactly at his best here. but anyway.

i don’t really have anything to add to this observation, it’s just very consistent and interesting to me. taako is fairly comfortable with grand gestures, but sidesteps around words. which ties in perfectly with his identity as a chef, to me. cooking is an action, work, intention, cooking for people is an act of love, an act of connection, an act of caring, and taako’s character doesn’t fit the bill for that—except, he kinda really does.

#listened to the multidimensional scene bc i'm writing about mongooses. it made me think #also i'm learning so much about mongooses and also weather systems in south asia. not strictly necessary but interesting #mine #taako #taz taako #taz balance #the adventure zone #analysis #also his cha mod is -1 in gerblins its possible he put ASIs into it later on but it still wouldnt be very high #his int and dex are his high scores

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chiprewington · 21 hours

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Character Analysis on Chip Revvington, the Chainsaw Consultant.

Genuine Long Post Warning, as well as a LOT of images. This is going to cover literally everything we know about Chip and my take on what's provided In Canon (being his Cogs Ink profile, his Interview, the 1.3 News Article, and In-Game). This is my first try at an In-depth Character Analysis. Screenshots used are from the official Wiki.gg, In-Game, and from the Corporate Clash News Archive.

Prior to being brought on to lead the Deforester Force, it's shown he's clearly a confident Suit, and has a genuine passion for his line of work as a consultant. With his personal statement alone this can be seen on full display with how he writes about himself, including noting how he's not swayed by bribery in any manner. (also the fact he outright pokes fun at one of the bribes will never not be funny to me)

Not to mention his lack of discipline records throughout his 19 months having already worked for C.O.G.S. with his usual job as an external consultant, this plus the fact he has "positive remarks" from his previous places of work shows he's probably in very high demand and really does excel at his job.

This is also shown in his interview, where he also equally shows a lot of passion for his job and genuine interest with answering questions relating to it. Before we get into that though, I feel like it's important to also point out a couple other things that I think about a lot with his profile.

This, being referred to as the "Temperamental Terminator" in the 1.3 trailer, and considering the average age of a Consultant is ~40+ years (and I personally hc him as 48), I think it's safe to say Chip just always was a quick-tempered individual throughout his life. It's one of his less favorable traits that I personally find charming.

And these read to me like Chip's always been considered "scary" among other suits. His behavior isn't the issue (yet) though, he's just a massive guy who happens to have a chainsaw for a snout.

Which. Makes this very interesting. Jennifer, stated something similar above, but I feel as if her intentions are more... unaware than the actual company's. Jennifer sees a guy with a big Chainsaw and thinks "Oh! He can cut down trees with that!" Jennifer ily. The company on the other hand probably has had this idea of what Chip could be a candidate for. They hired him to lead the Deforester Force. His job consists of him sitting in an office. Nothing relating to physical labor in cutting down trees, he just oversees the process. "Chainsaw apparatus will be helpful [...]" suddenly takes on a much darker meaning, in my mind.

Which is how we get here. Chip being modified with a clearly experimental hardware which we all know as the Personality Override. The fact that it was only "partially successful" is a very fun thing to consider.

Note the fact that from a canon standpoint the Override was implemented "2 weeks ago". This will be important later.

(The toon who got the above screenshots is not mine!)

Another fun side-note is the fact that the Override is experimental. It's experimental hardware. Chip is the only one with it. They are using him like a guinea pig. And not to mention "Dealing with Toons far more efficiently" paired with the above company-sourced "Chainsaw Apparatus will be useful [...]", you can't make this stuff up. They turned this guy into a living weapon likely without him knowing the full scope of what would happen if he did get this position in the first place.

Okay. Now we can talk about his Interview. Which even through glancing at it you can see just how passionate he is regarding his work. He is driven and confident that his plans for the Deforester Force will work. He wants to believe that he'll set an example for the rest of the departments to execute a similar plan.

And then this question comes up. And then I have to remind you it's probably been only a couple days since he's modified. And he already has rumors circulating about him.

And the moment the subject is changed, he perks right back up into being passionate about his work.

I also feel like it's worth mentioning the fact he's been actively requesting and wanting Spruce (who recommended him to begin with!!!) to join him in the Deforester Force and keeps being turned down on it. The way this and something else I'm about to touch on are written feels like he's barely been able to see him. These two have a brotherly bond and they're being separated. He misses his brother, man.

That's not even getting into this. Even as I'm writing this I just realized the implications of something at the end of this and I'm going to have to pace around my house thinking about it. But also you can see that even though just the slightest amount of time has canonically passed since the interview, you can already see the toll the Override's been taking on Chip's behavior. While he was once passionate, he's now actively complaining about his job. It's not even about the job itself, it's about what's happened to him.

Not to mention, I feel it also displays his temper in full swing once again- even if he's justified in this sense.

I also need to pay special mind to this ending bit right here because the implication of this with everything else surrounding it fucking broke me. uugghhhhh.

Now this is something I feel is so, so, so important to his character. He actively does not like toons. He clearly shows a certain disgust for them and views them like Animals. Pests. He doesn't hesitate to proudly state his opinion on them. And then you see him in-game.

He hasn't changed his mind about toons at all. Ignoring the fact that "you critters again" insinuates this isn't even his first contact with toons (will get to this later), he's... Restrained. I don't know, this reads to me like he's actively restraining himself from blowing up. "You don't want to see what happens when I get angry." is a warning to just comply and leave.

And then because he doesn't remember he fired the rest of the Deforester Force (another thing I want to touch on), he actively gets upset and angry at the remaining flunky because of course someone as high-rank as himself wouldn't want a Flunky on such an important team. Once again, additionally showing his active temper. His active temper he just tried to restrain and bottle up.

And that's what breaks the camel's back. The Override most likely activates from excessive anger/distress, something that Chip Actively Struggles With. He has to bottle himself up because if he tries to be his usual hot-tempered self, which is who he naturally is, he's just going to lose himself. Lose himself to cog knows how long as being a lifeless machine that perfectly and efficiently complies with the commands its given.

He begs for help when he's able to partially regain control (emphasis on partially, considering the most he can do is speak and prevent Deadwood from happening), but like. Again, to me this reads as the fact he is currently Incredibly Fucking Terrified because he's completely aware the whole time the Override is active. He can see himself acting against his will. It's mortifying. He's willing to beg anyone for help because the Override is genuinely traumatizing for him.

Which makes this all the more harrowing. He can't keep the Override at bay forever (likely the only reason why he partially regained control is from the sheer amount of pain he put himself in by ripping out one of his bulbs. You can see him brace himself and wince when that happens). Once again, "save yourselves" in this context feels more like he's scared. He's terrified. Because the Override sucks. And the implication of "ALL RAM CLEARED" doesn't leave much room to assume anything other than the Override likely clears out Chip's memories in order to make more processing room for this janky hardware to run at a constant overclocked state. I wonder how much of Chip's memories have been removed because of that thing, honestly.

By the way did you know that a normal chainsaw runs an average of 12,000 RPM. Do you think about how the little RPM icon is his saw smoking as if it's overheating. What the hell is the Override doing to him internally.

Another added touch I think about a lot is how his battle as a whole is, for the most part, very predictable. You control what cheats he does. Even in technical battle terms, everything is out of Chip's control. As long as every gag hits, you're really just manipulating an enemy's AI to to make the most optimal choices to your benefit. The Override perceives "X", and responds with "Y". You're not fighting an actual individual, just a program.

Clearly, whatever it's doing to him, it's painful (not mentioning the agonizing scream he lets out during this). And thank Cog he was able to regain control at the last second because it's way too obvious that the Override's "final fallback procedure" likely involved some kind of lethal force when it lunges at the toons. (The Chainsaw Apparatus will be helpful.)

There's no sorrow in Chip's words, that's what I think. Everything here is bitter. It's numb, to me.

He's clearly been through this song and dance multiple times by now. He's pissed at the toons, at the company, and at himself. But he can't properly let it out. You know what will happen if he does. The most he can do is throw a chair and scream into the air. (which that line gets its own custom voice clip, fun fact!)

It's clear he's been isolated ever since he's been upgraded, and it seems like he's bitterly accepted it. The only thing he has left to lose is Spruce, which is why he tells the toons not to tell him. If he loses Spruce...

I don't think he'd have much left. It'd make sense why he's grown so restrained and numb and stilted in his speech. He's quickly grown to learn that he can't let himself express anymore, all because of the override.

The fact that everyone else around him views him poorly doesn't help. His employees fear him. Most of them probably don't realize something is wrong, spread rumors about him, or outright attack him through hatemail. Written in Cipher.

"Chip has some anger issues. I would be careful around him. Don't worry about the Cogs though, I'm sure they'll be fine. Might get demoted back to their initial tier, but that's what happens when you work with Chip. Good thing that Toons can't get fired-- or wait, they can, can't they? Do Toons LIKE getting fired? I will never understand those animals. And you seen Spruce around lately? I haven't. I wonder how his deforesting expedition is going. There is a secret message up ahead in Chip's room. Can you find it? If you are stuck, have you considered looking around your surroundings?"

"I can't stand Chip anymore. I know I'm a Yesman, but I have to say NO. He used to be cool up until his sensors flared off. After what he did to my fellow coworker, I don't know if I can continue working under him. Sure, he's one of the most organized managers I've ever worked with, not to mention the flowing passion he has for the Deforester Force. His personality issues can single-handedly cause all of our projects to collapse. One of my former coworkers had raised concerns about Toons taking over our buildings and ultimately undoing all work that was done on our end. That poor Pencil Pusher overstepped his boundaries with Chip when he admitted his failure to secure "our" project from the Toons. Up until this point, I have never seen a Cog fire another Cog. With a cannon."

"It grinded my gears when I saw that happen. Him and I worked nonstop for days straight, while this pile of bolts just sat there doing his paperwork. I wouldn't be surprised if he was just doing crossword puzzles or writing letters to his little buddy. If you are reading this Mr. Revvington, you are the reason for our decline. We are running out of Deforester Force members because of you. As someone who has gone through close-call battles with the Toons, I hope you experience what it's like to have boulders and anvils fall from above you. You can try to fire me with that shoddy cannon of yours, but you would have to track me down first. I've already left the area and was recruited to a new organization far more stable than you will ever be."

------

...I genuinely love Mr. Revvington. He's a Suit who's been dealt the worst hand he could possibly ever get in life. He was just like anyone else, and then everything happened ever since joining C.O.G.S.. He's isolated, he's temperamental, he's pissy, he'd genuinely be someone hard to get along with because of the fact he's struggling with all sorts of issues and would be incredibly difficult and annoying to even start talking to and forming a bond with unless you're both stubborn and have patience. He's awful, and I love him for it.

I genuinely believe he's one of the most complex, beautifully written, and depressing characters in Corporate Clash. Maybe I dive way too deep into things about him, maybe he's not that deep at all. But I like to think about him. He makes me emotional, but he also makes me happy. Thank you for making him exist.

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #corporate clash #chip revvington #corporateclash #ttcc #toontowncorporateclash #chainsaw consultant #character analysis #long post #image heavy #headcanons

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nereidprinc3ss · 2 days

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hi girlie. thoughts on spencer’s bisexuality? specially post-prison spence. would he be more willing to experiment or just keep being the same guy who doesn’t care at all? just thinking. plus thoughts on austin? we didn’t got to see much about it. honestly i think both of them would have gone harder than with maeve, to be honest. i did not got much of the vibe from maeve and spencer and it felt like quiet new and weird coming from him? we’ve seen him interacting more before with these super confident girls like lila and cat. to me, it looks like these are more his type, pretty odd for a introvert guy like him.

babe thoughts on spencers bisexuality are all i have

but i also have thoughts on all his girlfriends actually

spoilers for maeve, cat, trigger warning season 14 episode 15 “truth or dare” mentioned😓😓 that fuck ass episode

i think post prison spencer is too traumatized and too exhausted to be thinking about romance or sex for a good long while. if he was already in a committed relationship before he went in, i think he’d stay because he’s incredibly devoted and i feel like he tends to latch on to one individual as his person and then never let them go, but if he wasn’t, i don’t think he’d be pursuing anyone, period, boys girls anyone in between or outside, i think bro is just TIRED lmfao

but specifically speaking about his relationship w his own bisexuality, i think if it wasn’t something he was super comfortable with before prison it sure as hell won’t be something he decides to confront after prison. i think he would just ignore it and continue on with life in his own little world ignoring other human beings. i think if he was chill with his sexuality before he went to prison that wouldn’t change afterward other than the fact that he’d probably find himself less attracted to men because they scare him a lot more now. i don’t think he would suddenly start having a ton of internalized homophobia (although he has so much self loathing it could definitely present that way) but again i don’t think he would be interested in seeking out new romantic or sexual partners for a while regardless of gender

and i liked austin a lot!!! potentially controversial opinion but i did NOT like maeve for him. she was clearly designed to be spencer but a girl so we would be like omggg she’s so perfect for him and then we would be extra sad when she died but imo their relationship fell flat, lacked passion or believability, and simply wasn’t interesting to me. the way he spoke about her reminded me of the way a 13 year old speaks about his girlfriend after a month of dating when he thinks they’re going to get married.

i have always FIRMLY believed that he had more chemistry with almost ANY of his love interests, even austin and the einstein chick who were around for ONE EPISODE EACH than he did with maeve. spencer seemed more interested and challenged by literally every single one of them. and i think he needs someone who challenges him. like spencer understands everything, give him someone who he can’t figure out and who drives him insane and is endlessly compelling and confusing elle greenaway!! we saw the way he wanted to genuinely consume lilah and cat. both more interesting than maeve. maeve was giving like… older sister almost?? like that woman had a FIANCÉ and according to canon she was his first “girlfriend” (strong word for what she was… those bitches were e-dating at best) it was just bizarre in the same way it was bizarre for a woman who had been married for ten years with two children to declare her love for him. i genuinely can see him with an older woman elle greenaway but the dynamic was just off with jj and maeve.

so that’s my rant on them. i could go on forever

#asks #ramblings

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jonjaydami · 16 hours

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So I need to know what animal they think is the batfamilies special interest.

Like we all know they are on the spectrum like look at Bruce. He's a 30 year old man that dresses as a bat and don't get me wrong there are several reasons he dresses as one but it always has something to do with the animal itself and I always think that's funny how it's even used as a joke in several comics, and animated movies/ shows.

So Bruce knows everything about bat's, shape color, species, what food they eat and how they live and even the different culture views on bat's. He could talk all day about it if asked and he always does it with the utmost care. Like he was giving a speech at a gala or speaking to the league.

I think we all know Dicks is obviously Robin's. Cause why else would he choose to be a brightly colored vigilante that's after a bird from the north? I feel like after moving in with Bruce he took a quiz on what bird he would be cause he was studying birds in school and got a Robin and took that to heart as a passion and not only learned everything about a Robin's but that had just become his identity for awhile and he loved it. Bruce when he heard it at first had thought it wouldn't work but after making him his own costume and even watching several videos on the birds he thought it fit his son nicely.

Jason didn't break away from the Robin role and embraces it actually. But he was always way more shy when it came to discussing his favorite. I think he would have a fascination with bugs and snakes and would absolutely be the kid with a spider or a beardy. He once convinced Bruce to get him a baby beardy and then it became an obsession. He had a sweatshirt that even had a cartoonish looking beardy printed on it and he proudly talks about it to any one who asked. Bruce would silently close his eyes and soak in all the information about them he could.

I totally think Tim loves frogs and even sea creatures. He has a tank with shrimp in it and his boyfriend makes fun of him and calls him a shrimp farmer but he also has a tank that has glass frogs in it. It's a huge tank that takes up over half his room and he loves just watching them sleep and even makes cute little tiktoks with them. He always is getting cute things for the habitat and going shopping. He also takes Damian on these trips. Because they both enjoy walking around and even stopping to pet or talk to the people who bring in their dogs. Bruce also enjoys walking into Tim's room and seeing the frogs and shrimp and even says hello to them before leaving again.

Damian is no stranger to having a soft spot for animals but I know he loves cats and dogs. He is definitely a cat person. Alfred the cat is his prized possession and he will proudly take pictures and then draw them. He loves using his animals as drawing references and has multiple books filled to the brim of just them. Sometimes if they are really good he goes to Bruce and asks them to be laminated so he can hang them up in his room because they deserve to be celebrated and respected. He also tells Bruce odd facts about his animals. How Alfred (the cat) specifically likes to sleep on his left side and enjoys being scratched behind his ears the most.

Bruce loves his weird sons because he is weird and for Christmas he always gets them something related to their animals because it's like a bonding experience for them. Some days they don't even talk about anything but their animals but I can imagine them all settling on a couch and out of pure bordem putting on documentaries and spending time just listening and learning. Of course this could also lead into some heated debates about who's animals is the best.

Jason: no you don't understand

Damian: *scoffs* actually Todd you never understood anything

Dick: ok well I set the whole thing for Robin soooo

Tim: oh please you were eight!!

Bruce: I think we are forgetting how bats-

Kids: *groan because they have been hearing about bat's for over half their lives and are tired*

Alfred just walks in and smiles as he sets a pitcher down.

Alfred: actually you are forgetting how important bee's are to the environment. Which is why I plant only the best pollinator friendly flowers

Cue to everyone rioting cause after all this time Alfred has never talked about the fact he is in fact a bee guy. Ever since he started working for the Wayne's they let him have full control of the gardens and he always loved that in the bleak of Gotham he had his own personal eden with the flowers. Bruce's parents also appreciated him for this and would let Alfred do as he pleased when he would passionately talk to them about the bees. Even when they passed away Bruce had always assumed Alfred just did it because he didn't trust anyone else.

Which was part way true but he loves watching them bumble around and bump into each other as he works.

If anyone knows what Duke, steph, and Cass would like please comment or feel free to debate!! Just please remember to be nice and save the bees 🐝

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pykxz · 2 days

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hi.

you're on a rock floating in space.

pretty cool, huh?

some of it's water.

fuck it, actually most of it's water.

i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat.

it's sad.

i'm sad.

i miss you.

how did this happen?

a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere.

when?

never.

makes sense, right?

like i said, it didn't happen.

nothing was never anywhere.

that's why it's been everywhere.

it's been so everywhere you don't need a where.

you don't even need a when.

that's how every it gets.

forget this.

i wanna be something.

go somewhere.

do something.

i want things to change.

i want to invent time and space.

and i know it's possible because everything is here and it probably already happened.

i just don't know when to start.

and that's exactly where it started.

whoah, i paused it.

i think there's a universe now.

what's it made of?

quarks & stuff

ah, that's a thing.

in a place.

don't like it?

try a new place.

at a different time™.

try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger.

and emptier.

but it's not empty yet.

it's still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.

great news!

the quarks are now happily married, in groups of three called a proton or a neutron

and there's something else flying around too that wants to join in but can't cause it's still too

HOT great news!

the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other.

and some of them even doubled up.

great news, the electrons have now joined in

congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space.

but it's getting closer together.

and it's getting closer together.

and it's getting closer toge-

it's a star

new shit just got made!

some stars burn out and die.

bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit.

space dust

which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into

even crazier space dust

so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things.

like this ball of flaming rocks for example.

holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks.

and it kind of made a mess.

which is

now the moon

weather update:

it's raining rocks from outer space.

weather update:

those rocks might have had water inside them, and now there's hot steam in the sky.

weather update:

cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.

weather update:

it's raining.

severe flooding alert:

the entire world is now an ocean.

volcano alert:

that's land!

there's life in the ocean

what?

something's alive in the ocean

oh cool, like a plant or an animal?

no, a microscopic speck.

it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.

oh yeah, and it can do that.

it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself.

so that's pretty nifty, i would say.

tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?

now you can eat sunlight!

using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food

taste the sun

side effect: now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky's blue.

then the earth might have been a snowball for a while, maybe even a couple of times.

it's a sponge.

it's a plant.

it's a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.

it's the Cambrian explosion

"wow, that's animals and stuff"

but we're still in the ocean, hey, can we go on land?

why?

the sun is a deadly lazer

oh okay.

not anymore, there's a blanket

now the animals can go on land.

come on, animals, let's go on land!

nope, can't walk yet.

and there's no food yet, so i don't care.

ok, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here?

maybe, said some bugs, and fish.

ok, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to

have babies

learn to use an egg.

i was already doing that.

use a stronger egg.

put water in it.

have a baby, on land, in an egg.

water is in the egg.

baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.

works for me.

bye bye ocean

and now everything's huge.

including bugs.

wanna see a map of the land?

sure.

oh fuck, now everything's dead.

just kidding, here are the survivors.

keep your eye on this one because it's about to become the dinosaurs.

here's another map of the land.

yeah, it broke apart, don't worry about it, it does that all the time.

here comes a meteor.

and the dinosaurs are gone

it's mammal time, here come the mammals.

look at those breasts.

now they're gonna dominate the world and one of them just learned how to grab stuff.

and walk.

no, like, walk like that.

and grab stuff at the same time.

and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.

"ouch"

and set things on fire.

"yeouch"

and make crazy sounds with their voice.

"gneurshk"

which can mean different things.

that's a human person

and now they're everywhere.

almost.

ice age

what, you can walk over here?

cool.

not anymore

well i guess we're stuck here now.

let's review.

there's people on the planet.

and they're chasing their food.

fuck it, time to plant some grass.

look at this.

i control the food now.

now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.

let's all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food.

this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this.

tired of using rocks for everything?

use metal.

it's underground.

better farming was just invented, in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers.

and the animals are helping.

guess what happens next

more food.

and more people who came to buy the food.

now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales.

and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now there's more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there's business, money, writing, laws, power.

Society

coming soon to a dank river valley near you.

meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.

why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?

tired of using lame, sad metal?

introducing

Bronze

made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land.

i don't know, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it.

also, guess what?

egypt

meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse.

now we're getting somewhere.

also

china

and did i mention

indus river valley civilization

norte chico

the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it's in the middle of the east.

knock knock, er, clop clop.

it's the people with the horses.

and they made an empire.

and then everyone else copied their horses.

greeks

ah look, it must be the greeks, er, a beta version of the greeks.

let's check in with the indus river valley civilization.

they're gone.

guess who's not gone?

china

new arrivals in india, maybe it's those horse people i was talking about, or their cousins or something

and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff

you could make a religion out of this.

there's the bronze age collapse.

now the phoenicians can get down to business

also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find?

thanks.

look who came back to israel, it's the twelve tribes of israel.

and they believe in God

just 1 though, he's got like a ten step program.

here's some huge heads.

must be the olmecs.

the phoenicians make some colonies.

the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies.

the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.

here comes the assyrian empire.

never mind, it's the babylonian- median-

it's the Persian Empire

"wow, that's big"

ah, the buddha was just enlightened.

who's the buddha?

this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying.

you could make a religion out of this.

oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.

ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.

and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire.

it's a great idea.

he was great.

and now he's dead.

hopefully the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.

knock knock, it's chandragupta, he says get the hell out of here.

will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants?

ok thanks, bye

time to conquer all of india

most of india

but what about this part?

that's the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings.

who are the tamil kings?

merchants, probably

and they've got spices

who would like to buy the spices?

me, said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.

hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy.

actually, they have three main philosophies.

out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.

let's check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms.

greekification overload!

bye, said the parthians.

bye, said the jews.

hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.

heyyyyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast.

thanks for invading our homeland, said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.

hi, everything's great, said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular.

you could make a religion out of this.

want silk?

now you can buy it from china.

they just made a

brand new road to the world

or you can

get there on water

sick! new trade routes! said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.

hmm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom.

there goes buddhism traveling up the silk road.

i wonder if it'll reach china before it collapses again.

remember the persian empire?

yep, said the persians, making a new one.

axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick.

has anyone populated madagascar yet?

let's do it together.

china is whole again

then it broke again

still can't cross the sahara desert?

try camels.

hell yeah! now we've got business

said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves

hi, i live in the roman empire, and i was wondering

is loving jesus legal yet?

no.

actually, ok, sure, said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his

main rival

don't worry about rome, it won't fall.

it's the golden age of india

there's the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta.

first name chandra.

the first.

guess who's in rome?

barbarians

what's a barbarian?

non-romans, said the romans, being invaded by non-romans.

r.i.p., roman empire, er, actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it's not in rome anymore so let's give it a new name.

the mayans have figured out the stars

oh and here's a huge city, population: everyone

the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe.

great job, göktürks.

how's india?

broken.

how's china?

back together

how's those trading kingdoms?

bigger, and there's more of them

korea has 3 kingdoms.

japan has a kingdom, it's the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammed's ear.

so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake.

and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.

you could make a religion out of this.

and maybe conquer the world as well.

the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope.

plus there's

new kingdoms all over europe

i wonder if there's room for moors.

here's all the wisdom.

in a house.

it's the baghdad house of wisdom.

just in time for the

islamic golden age

let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast, said the swahili on the swahili coast.

remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there?

someone owns that now.

wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?

the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas.

surprise! you're the new roman emperor, said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire.

then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france.

but the northerners, or just norse if you don't have much time, are exploring.

they go north, from the north to the northern north.

and they find some land.

two types of land.

and they name them accordingly.

they also invade some other places, and get called many names, such as vikings.

there's the rus.

the kievan rus.

are they vikings?

i don't think so, said the kievan rus.

ok, fair enough.

the pope is ready to make some more emperors.

of the "roman empire".

the holy roman empire.

it's actually germany but don't worry about it.

new kingdoms.

christianize all the kingdoms

which brand would you like?

mine's better.

time to conquer england, said william.

it's a bird, it's a plane

it's the seljuk turks

aah! said the byzantine empire who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore.

we need help!

they need help, so they call the pope.

hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks?

maybe take back the holy land on the way?

come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.

yes, i do actually want to do that.

let's do a crusade.

crusade

they did many crusades, some of which almost didn't fail.

but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.

goodbye mayans.

hello toltecs

goodbye toltecs.

hello mississippi

look at those mounds.

there's the pueblo.

i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.

guess who's here?

khmer.

where?

here.

and pagan is there.

vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.

china just invented bombs, and typing.

and the mongols just invaded most of the universe.

nice going, Genghis!

i bet that will last a long time.

some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.

is it tonga time?

i think it's tonga time.

i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold.

look at this chad.

means "lake".

there's an empire there.

right in the middle of

Africa

the king of mali is so rich he's going on tour to let everyone know.

wow, that guy's rich, everyone said.

the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not spain.

please remain christian.

we will check in later to see if you're still christian when you least expect.

whoops, half of europe just died.

ming

china's back, yay!

hey khmer, time to share.

new kingdoms here and there.

oh, look who controls all the islands.

it's the mahajapit.

majahapit.

mapajahit.

mahapajit.

mapajahit.

majapahit?

oh, italy's really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics.

it's kinda like a rebirth.

here's a printer.

let's make books.

so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire?

yep, said the ottoman turks.

nice job, ottoman turks.

whoops, you missed a spot.

don't forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.

what? that's bullshit, said portugal, spiceless.

well i guess we'll have to find another way to india

wait! said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack.

if the world is round, let's go this way to india.

nah, don't worry, we already got this, said portugal.

so chris goes to spain.

hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?

no.

please?

no.

please?

no.

please?

ok.

so he sails into the ocean.

and discovers more ocean.

and then discovers the indies.

and japan.

let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.

the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start.

i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent?

the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other.

move over lithuania, here comes moscow.

ivan wants to make russia great again.

move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something.

persia just made persia persian again.

let's make it the other kind of islam.

the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy.

hey christians!

do you sin?

now you can buy your way out of hell.

that's bullshit.

this whole thing is bullshit.

that's a scam.

fuck the church.

here's 95 reasons why, said martin luther, in his new book, which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.

you know what would be magnificent, said suleiman, wearing an onion hat?

what if the ottoman empire was really big?

which it is now.

what if russia was big? said ivan, trying not to be terrible.

portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade.

and then that dream was real.

and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway.

damn, said england and france.

we gotta start pillaging some stuff.

then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam.

damn, said amsterdam.

we gotta start pillaging some stuff.

question 1: can you get to india through north america?

no, but at least there's beaver.

question 2: steal the spice trade.

that's not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.

sugar

guess where all the sugar's made?

in brazil.

stolen

and the caribbean.

and it's so god damn profitable you might forget to not do slavery.

the next thing on russia's to-do list is to get bigger.

britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.

more specifically, ohio.

then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who's boss.

but what about britain and france, did they figure out who's boss?

yes they did.

it's britain.

guess who's broke?

also britain.

so they start taxing the hell out of america.

fuck you, says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it.

and france helps them win, now france is broke.

and britain'll have to send their prisoners to a different continent.

wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?

let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off! said robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.

you could make a reli- no, don't.

haiti is staring to like the idea of a revolution.

especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters.

why didn't we think of this before?

wait, who's in charge of france now?

said napoleon, trying to take over europe.

luckily, they banished him to an island.

but he came back

luckily, they banished him to another island.

there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.

britain just figured out how to turn steam into power.

so now they can make

many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast

then they invent some trains.

and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.

hey, china! said britain.

buy stuff from us!

nah dude, we already got everything, says china.

so britain tried to get them addicted to opium.

which worked, actually.

but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea.

so britain threw a hissy fit, and made them open up five cities and give them an island.

britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afghanistan.

also, the

sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now

"that's just where he lives"

india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now.

nope, said britain, governing them even harder than before.

technology is about to go crazy

the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad.

it's bad, they decided.

and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.

i know, let's rape africa, said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest.

they never got ethiopia

britain and france are still hungry.

they never got thailand

the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more.

hawaii

cuba

wait, spain controls cuba.

well, blame something on them and go to war!

what should we blame on spain?

let's blame the maine on spain.

so they blame the maine on spain.

now we're in business.

to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.

britain just found oil in the middle east.

it makes cars go

china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government.

europe hasn't had a war since the last war.

so they start world war 1.

look at those guns.

it's gonna be a great war.

so great we won't need a second one.

after it's over, they blame germany.

russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government.

now everyone's paycheck is the same.

communism

in the soviet union

the arabs revolt and britain helps.

now the ottoman empire's gone so we can give the

jewish people a place to live

hopefully the arabs won't mind.

let's cut the cake, said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire.

except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey

and then the saudis conquer arabia.

it just seemed like the right thing to do.

hello?

yes, it's the 1920's calling.

let's get in the car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies.

the economy's great and it'll probably be great forever, just kidding.

germany's back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model.

and he's mad at the jews for existing.

japan is finally conquering the east, and they're so excited they rape nanking way too hard.

they should probably just deny it.

hitler's out of control.

so the international community tackles him and then tries to explain why killing all the jews is a bad idea.

but he kills himself before they could explain it to him.

that's world war 2

bonus round!

pacific showdown.

united states vs. japan.

fight!

finish him

let's unite all the nations and have some

world peace

seems legit.

hi, i'm gandhi, and if britain doesn't get the hell out of india, i'm gonna starve myself in public.

wow, that worked?

bonus, now there's pakistan.

actually two pakistans.

one of them can be bangladesh later.

the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land.

me, they both said at the same time.

let's divide up the land so everyone's happy.

sike, they both get angrier

look out china, there's a new china in china.

what's on the menu?

communism!

no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island.

i wonder which one is the real china?

there's the korean war, korea versus korea.

nobody wins, then it's on pause forever.

let's meet the sponsors.

oh, it's the two global superpowers.

they're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good, and which one is an evil virus of Satan.

and they both have atom bombs.

fight!

wait, no, that would be the end of the world.

let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.

and make sure we have enough atom bombs.

i'll race you to space.

now let's make some more countries fight themselves.

europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged.

so here's a new map, with new countries.

now you can't tell who they're being pillaged by.

the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad.

they decided it's bad, and the world agrees.

south africa might need another minute to think about it.

let's check the world population.

whoa.

okay.

technology's better too, that might keep happening.

the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.

europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money, except britain, because they don't feel like it.

let's check the mail.

surprise, it's on the computer.

whoops, someone just attacked america.

i bet they'll remember that.

phone call.

surprise, it's in your pocket.

wanna learn everything?

surprise, it's on the computer.

now your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket.

whoops, the economy just crashed.

don't worry, the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to.

surprise!

flying robots.

with bombs.

wanna print a brain?

some people have no friends.

some people have no food.

the globe is warming

and the ocean is full of plastic

let's save the planet! said everybody, not knowing how.

let's invent a thing inventor, said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor.

that's pretty cool.

by the way, where the hell are we?

#Bill Wurtz #history of the entire world #i guess #thanks letterbox for this #and thanks random person who commented the entire script of history of the world i guess #honestly i just wanted to put it somewhere so i dont lose it

26 notes · View notes

steakout-05 · 3 months

Text

*clenched fists, head on the table, white knuckled, seething, hyperventilating, visible veins showing, sweating, about to burst into tears, shaking violently, going to explode*

it's.... spelled........ JON.............. arbuckle........

#how i actually feel when i see someone spell jon arbuckle's name as ''john'' for the 574867347th time /j #jon arbuckle #garfield #shitpost #i find it interesting how many people spell his name with a H though #like i get that john is the more common spelling but also it was never written or spelled that way in any garf media #it's more common with people who haven't read garfield which is understandable actually #this post is a joke i don't actually get mad when people spell his name with a H #it's just like... you know that feeling you get when you really REALLY want to correct someone on a piece of info you know they got wrong?#yeah it's that #i'm very passionate about garfield if you couldn't tell lol #i guess there's just so much misinfo about garfield that it gets kinda exhausting #like i've heard a couple people say that garfield was made during WW2???#and when i first heard that i was like ''????? literally no it wasn't???''#like i mean this in the most polite way but What The Actual Fuck Are You Talking About #omg that's like that andrew garfield tweet i hate so much. you know the one that says that garfield was created by his granddad-#-about his cat who was named 'lasagna'? i hate that tweet with every fiber of my being there's SO MUCH wrong about it it's not even funny #i think that tweet is actually satire though but honestly it's so hard to tell what's satire and what isn't anymore #anyway. jon is spelled jon not john have a good day :)

18 notes · View notes

softquietsteadylove · 2 months

Note

Ahhhh second first date! Second first date! Of course i need to know how it goes!!

"And the server was definitely super jealous of me."

Thena laughed again. That was all she'd been doing since they left the house, she was quite sure. Since Gil 'picked her up', that was to say.

It was very sweet. He had showed up at her guest room door, dressed up and with a charming smile, even making an attempt to look nervous. He asked if she was ready, offered his arm; he was the perfect gentleman for their first date.

Her second chance.

Of course she had to know more about their first-first date. And Gil was happy to elucidate her once she insisted enough that telling her that much would not cause her brain to catch fire (as the doctor seemed to have implied in some way).

"But it was a nice dinner, then I walked you back to where you were staying at the end of the beach," he recounted, his eyes completely starry. "I had never gotten to actually have a romantic walk on the beach, before. Total bucket list stuff."

"It sounds lovely," she remarked mildly, without much choice with no memory of it for herself.

"The moon was out and everything, and it looked really pretty with your hair and your white dress, and the shawl thing-y you had on over it." Gil gestured vaguely to simulate the flowing garment she had worn over her bare shoulders. It certainly painted a picture, and she was quite sure she knew what he was referring to, having glimpsed a long white shawl in their closet.

She tried not to laugh too hard, mindful of the gentle atmosphere of the bakery. The tables were really just for people waiting for orders. They didn't have a fancy coffee machine, or an official barista. But Gil did bring out cups of real, boiled hot cocoa from the back--a secret only for their own, of course. They were waiting on their fresh baked pastries to come out and cool.

"I was so distracted by you that I didn't even realise when we were back at your doorstep," he sighed, but his comedic tone faded. He looked at her more softly, leaning his cheek against his hand. "I told you flat out that I was having such a good time I wished you were staying further away."

Thena attempted to laugh into her mug, this time.

"You laughed at it then, too." He sounded more wistful now. "But I told you I was serious and asked if I could see you again. I don't know why you were so surprised."

Probably because she had never been one to be asked out by someone like him. Men, sure, but not very sweet, very funny, very honest gentlemen like Gil. Just...men. She wasn't approachable enough for someone as sweet and charming as Gil.

She still thought that, to a degree.

"But you agreed, and I asked if I could kiss you too," he at least smiled at this part of the story, although his longing for the past remained. "You said I didn't have to ask, which wasn't a yes, but I guessed I was supposed to read between the lines."

Again, the Thena in the story and Thena herself in the present were different people. But she felt her stomach clench faintly at the idea.

"I did kiss you," Gil sighed, returning to his lighter, more jovial tone. "And it totally blew my mind. I mean if I wasn't in love with you already, that would'a done it."

"Gil," she admonished lightly, partly laughing and partly sheepish at the description of this passionate kiss she couldn't remember at all.

"What?" he chuckled before taking a sip of his own hot chocolate. "You wanted to know. And that date changed the rest of my life, sweetheart."

She liked it when he called her that. She nodded, looking down at her mug. "I suppose I did. It's a nice story."

"Yeah," Gil concluded, although his sigh felt a little heavier.

She still didn't have any memories of her own to contribute. But she attempted to jump over that wave of guilt, trying to put a smile back on his handsome face. "What was our second date like?"

He clearly knew what she was trying to do, but he kept quiet about it at least. He pulled himself up in his seat and started his next story. "Well, we were still on vacation. I asked a little more about you, and you at least told me you were an artist, and you were there on leave because you found teaching wasn't really your thing."

Thena winced faintly. She was sure that was an understatement. She did have memories of teaching before moving to their current residence, and none of them made her glad to have them instead of memories of Gil.

"I told you that I had been a boxer in college, and that I was just working some boring office job and also wanted," he paused to shrug and make a face, "a change of scenery."

They were both in the midst of becoming different people when they met. How fascinating, Thena mused. Although she was quite sure Gil had always been sweet and charming and funny. Just a feeling.

"It was actually you, on that date, who asked what I liked to do for fun," he admitted much more quietly. He looked down at the table, picking at a chip in the lacquer. "I told you I liked baking and you said I could try working part time in it, just to see if I liked it enough to make it my job."

"It sounds like something I would suggest," she agreed. It was hard to imagine the man she knew now doing anything else, really. Although it was almost funny to imagine him stuffing those muscles of his into a regular office suit.

"I said I'd give it a try," he chuckled, reaching for her hand. She gave it reflexively, sense memory knowing Gil much better than her own mind. He kissed her knuckle. "And now I have the best job in the world."

She smiled down at their adjoined hands as well, feeling as if the weight of the world were on top of them. "The date, Gil?"

"Right, right," he chuckled, allowing her to move the story away from the more emotional of the topics. "Well, you suggested that, and I asked about your art some more. And since the restaurant looked kind of full, and I didn't think that was your scene, I asked if you wanted to walk along the boardwalk a little first."

"We walked by a bakery there, and you asked me what everything was, since I was 'the expert' and all."

That also sounded like something she would say; Thena attempted not to roll her eyes at herself.

"I pointed out the regular stuff," he shrugged and even looked at the pastry cases in front of them in the moment. "Croissants, cupcakes, they had some tarts. You asked about one in particular."

Thena tilted her head as he paused, but she leaned back as he did, having been so sucked into the story that she didn't even notice Ajak coming over with two small plates.

"Thanks," Gil smiled at the petite woman, obviously familiar with her.

"Thank you," Thena added, keeping her eyes on the woman who only smiled and waved in response. Ajak knew her, Thena was aware, but Gil had been determined that they could meet formally when Thena felt more ready to reintroduce those parts of their life to herself.

"This is called a petit four, just a small cake," he chuckled, turning his own plate so she could admire the little dessert from all sides. "It's pretty old school, but you asked me about it when I pointed it out to you. I bought one so you could sample it, even though you told me not to."

Thena eyed the little dessert. It seemed to be vanilla, small and glazed completely white. There was something on the top of it.

"I add just a little sea salt to mine. Call it a secret ingredient."

It was just a hint of salt, but it sank into the sweetness immediately. Just like on that day five years ago, she had tasted the saltiness of the ocean air around them as she took a bite. She could remember the wind on her skin, and how warm Gil's hand was in contrast. The smell of the little shop and the breeze around them, and Gil's cologne wafting gently over to her.

Thena whipped her head up at him. He blinked at her sudden movement but didn't say anything. He was trying to read the expression on her face.

She didn't have any other memories of it. Just that one moment had jumped out at her as she had tasted that same taste--perhaps an improvement upon it. She could remember Gil's smile as she had told him that she liked it.

"You promised."

"Hm?"

She blinked, trying not to cry over a silly little cake. "You promised you would make me one sometime. I told you I expected it to be better, since you were indeed, 'the expert'."

Gil teared up immediately. Of course he did, the gentle hearted giant. "Y-You-"

She looked down at her cake again, the pressure immediately mounting. "It's just that one moment. I can't remember past that. But-"

Thena startled as he launched from his seat across the tiny cafe table from her. He caught her lips at a funny angle, but they both tasted like chocolate and vanilla and sea salt. Her eyes fluttered.

"Sorry," he chuckled, offering a sheepish grin as he seated himself, ignoring the worried glances of other bakery patrons. "Couldn't help myself."

"Hm," she pursed her lips faintly, and he returned to his cake, unable to keep himself from staring at her. She dabbed at her lips, resisting the urge to fan herself. She still had her coat on, but it felt far too hot now in their little corner by the window. "Whatever happened to asking?"

"You told me I didn't have to ask."

#Thenamesh Vow AU #thank you so much sweetheart!#I love this au so I'm very happy to write more believe me #so in the movie she actually never regains any memories at all #which I did find interesting #but I think Thena and Gil have been through enough #taste really can unlock a deluge of memories and sensations #and now that they've made this progress #Gil is gonna be obsessed with making her stuff they've had together #Thena tells him not to get too ahead of himself #she's worried about disappointing him if she doesn't remember more #but he's just so overcome with happiness #people in the bakery look at him like dude calm down #and he's like #sorry can't a man kiss his WIFE in a moment of passion?#Thena drags him back into his seat because he's embarrassing her #Ajak is just behind the counter like ah young love #Now Gil wants to repeat all their dates #in a sense of the word #They literally get home and have brunch right after this but still #Thena texts Kari like wow had a wonderful first date #Makkari: WITH WHO #Thena: my husband obviously

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