#my true joy lies in my freedom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theblasianwitch · 8 months

Text

Strap in folks this one is a biggie

✨️Doodle Focus Tarot Reading✨️

How it works: look at the image and let your eyes relax and wonder. Find out where your eyes focus the most on. Once you've determined what your personal focal point is, scroll down and find it for a reading on what you need to focus on currently in your life.

I will list the images/symbols in alphabetical order to make it easier on you.

Ready?

Go!

🐝 BEE: Your main focus in life is success, and from your cards it looks as if you are suffering because of it. You have a great potential inside of you but your focus is on where you want to be and what the world can, or in your mind should give you. Your mind wanders on all you could do and want to do, if only if only, while your very world around you seems to fall apart. You feel trapped and that's the opposite of how you are. Around you are multiple possibilities to enjoy and live if you just focus on the now and the world around you. Do what you can with what you have and in it you will find the growth you're looking for.

🐦 BIRD(S): You must know everything, or perhaps you already think you do. Knowledge is power and it helps us on our path to freedom... but knowing things can also be a burdened. You may know too much or feel as though as you learn more you actually know less. Your knowledge isolates you from others but what you need really is to learn to trust. Trust yourself. Trust what you know. And trust others. Humanity is unpredictable and uncontrollable and no amount of knowledge truly helps you to navigate this unpredictable world. The knowledge you need or truly seek is higher, spiritual knowledge. Learn to conserve and focus your energy on the things that truly matter to you. Dive into yourself and learn who you truly are is your first step. Find out what lies you may be holding onto that have settled into you and become a part of you. Shape shifting into what others expected of you. This causes great confusion within you which drives your search for knowledge. Shift your perspective and forget everything you know and start within. This won't be easy but the main thing to know, is focus your energy so you don't burn yourself out. "Gifted kid burnout"

BUBBLE(S): Your current focus is on yourself, but not the way some deem as self centered. You are in a period of life where you are developing/regaining your confidence and finding your passion. You are taking life by the horns and quite literally turning it into itself. Anything life currently throws at you will be taken and weighed in your mind and promptly be rejected, accepted, or used for your personal gain. You are quite literally in control of your life and no one can tell you otherwise.

🦋 BUTTERFLY: ("This Mountain" by Faouzia played in my mind as your cards came out). You have sheer determination to enjoy life. You take in multiple perspectives and don't let things get to you easily. However you also seem more focused on false happiness and you don't seem to know what true genuine happiness is. In a way, your focus is on finding what makes you happy. You turn a negative situation into a positive one easily and light the path for others but as you do that the same light you carry is burning you and you have yet to notice. It is time to focus on what brings you joy and happiness, and not what others want. Stop people pleasing and learn to please yourself.

🍀☘️ CLOVER(S): Self love is your current focus, or it very well should be. The energies surrounding you are that of comfort and rest. Life is saying you can take it easy as of now as you have reached the end of a cycle and enjoying the rewards earned. New energy is now to be focused on creativity, passions and love. You're in a state of recovery and need to take this time dedicated to yourself. Within you are ideas waiting to burst forth, but for the ideas to come through you need to recharge and relax. Your energy will be needed again soon. Rest, and maybe enjoy your favorite sweets and comfort foods

CURVED LINES/SOUND WAVES: Your current focus is on that of achieving peace. Avoiding conflict and taking the passively easy way out may be your style, but really you need to focus on how you are affecting yourself and your life for the sake of peace. You rely heavily on some unknown (or soon to be known) guide while you look at life through blind eyes. You're so focused on the calm and serenity you try to achieve or think you have, when you don't realize that you yourself are about to sink and fall into darkness that lingers just below the surface of that peace. There are those around you who lean on you and rely on you for the peace, but if you ever were to stand up for yourself and your needs those same people would prosecute and energetically destroy you. Put up your barriers and start putting in the hard work needed. Peace doesn't last long.

DRAGONFLY: Your entire focus is on looking and becoming successful. You stand proud and work hard to make it to the top, but the success is only on the surface. Inside you are betraying the very essence of yourself. You've sacrificed and put on a mask to make it where you are today and may even be planning to continue the charade until what you think is your dream (that may just have been imposed on you by others) is achieved. While moving forward you further tie yourself to your hopes and reliance on how others see you, knowing that if you were ever to go against their wishes it would bring them disappointment and in turn make yourself sad. When you fail, you hurt yourself, not because you wanted this, but because you want others to be happy and proud of you. Remember, every choice you make in life leads to another. Are you going to live your life regretting those choices, or make some along the way that you truly want?

👁👁 EYE(S): You my dear, are consumed by your past. This could be something you've done, happened to you, or you lived through. You are not acknowledging something within you that needs resolution. It causes repressed feelings and in turn makes you more sensitive and more likely to be triggered by little things that may relate to the event. You are on guard almost all the time and tend to have low confidence because of this as well. Harness your emotions, learn to access it, begin to question why until you no longer have an answer (look into some shadow work, specifically getting energies to do inner child work). Your mind is open to you in every sense to the point that things from all aspects of your life seep in and affect your present, learn to navigate your mind and control those emotions that keep coming up, but most importantly, learn why they are happening and acknowledge them. Everything in life is connected and makes its way back to you somehow. Learn your mind and inner self in order to rise above your current circumstances.

👨‍👩‍👦 FAMILY/PEOPLE: Growth and comfort are your focus. You are in no rush for anything in particular, and instead focus on the regular progression of your life. You are relaxed and know the meaning of prosperity, which is living life the way you want comfortably without too much trouble. A life filled with happiness and good memories is a life well lived. Your perspective of life is not common and in turn causes you some inner backlash as you question your focus due to the way society is conditioned and attempting to condition you. However, this focus is perfect and will create a life well lived for you, do not give into the pressure of having to need more.

🔥 FIRE: Despite the blaze and passion a fire may indicate, this is not your focus in life dear little light. Your focus is on creating happiness and stability, not necessarily for yourself though. You want to make sure you have nothing to worry about and to do that you try to keep everyone else comfortable and happy with nothing to complain about in order to ruin your own inner peace. This form of happiness is very fickle and sensitive however. The minute you neglect, forget or turn down someone else for the sake of yourself is the moment you realize that everything you planted to create happiness for others will go up in flames. Like a forest fire, once the damage passes everything will regrow, but the new seeds you plant should be for yourself, not for others. This in turn will create a stronger, more stable surrounding for you and those important to you.

🌸 FLOWER: "If lingering heartache has been pulling you down, make the effort to take extra good care of yourself so that you can renew your well-being." You my dear are currently lost and have no real focus, instead the cards are advising what your focus should be. Take the time to slow down and look within yourself. Your inner conscious has messages for you, waiting for you to be able to hear them. You have a responsibility to yourself and to aim your energy at things that your future self will reap the rewards of. Horses may be an important animal to you as their energies were all over your reading. Horses symbolize strength, courage and freedom. They carry us to where we need to go and are the basis of the power used for all our current methods of travel (horsepower). A journey is taking place and they are calling you to it. Don't be afraid and enjoy the ride.

🐟 FLYING FISH: Your focus is an inner journey. One where you are addressing things from your past, making sense of them and clearing away what no longer serves you. GOOD JOB!! This journey takes a lot of strength and resilience. We learn things we don't like about ourselves and then learn why, and sometimes instead we learn to embrace it. Expressing yourself is the next step for your journey. Take time to create, write, draw, paint, sing, anything that lets your inner spirit take over and guide you to release what needs to be released. Blessings are coming. Keep up the good work and stay strong.

🐞 LADYBUG: Despite the luckiness and unluckiness of a ladybug, you seem to be the type to keep any form of fortune you gain and at times become overconsumed and suffocated by it. Anger is the primary emotion that currently rules your life. When things are going good for you, you are peaceful, when things are going wrong you are quick to distribute blame and "attack" leading you to separate yourself from others who may actually be of benefit to you. You need to learn to harness and control your emotions and not let it rule your every thought process. By doing this your journey will not only go smoothly, but you'll find it becomes more abundant as well.

🍃 LEAF/LEAVES (LARGE): Your focus, or what it needs to be, is on release. Stong emotions are at play in your life causing you to see the world through tinted glasses. A moment of creation may be helpful to you in order to release and/or find out what emotions are in play. Doodle, draw, or paint freely with no direction. Try auto writing by releasing control of your mind and let whatever words come to you flow through. Give yourself time and space to process these emotions and from it you will find a strength you never knew existed and your mind will work clearer than it ever has before.

🌿 LEAF/LEAVES (SMALL/TINY): You want peace, but to achieve peace you need to be alone with yourself for a while before making any necessary actions to achieve true peace. Animals shown for your reading are of both the land and sea. To be more specific, a seal/sea lion and a walrus, both of which are similar to the manatee which commonly got mistaken in history as mermaids. Life at sea symbolizes diving into our deep subconscious and addressing what lies underneath. Where the water meets the shore is where the blur between reality and our imagination created by our subconscious and unaddressed feelings meet. Which can be hectic and turbulent, or restful and peaceful. It all depends on how you handle what's inside, and where you choose to put your perspective. These creatures commonly live on the shoreline or rocks found near the shore. The sea is what happens inside you. The shore, where it is shaky sand or solid rock is what is happening in your life. Focus on how those are interacting with each other

LIGHTHOUSE: You my darlings are surrounded by the fear of being alone. Isolation has been a frequent visitor and companion, rejection it's twin. This fear holds you back and leads you into making some rash decisions and trusting in the wrong emotion. Fear not however, for you are destined for more. It may not be what you want to hear, but don't focus on finding companionship. Your inner world is saying to listen. It calls to you and wants to guide you towards the life you're meant to have and be happy in. Once you connect with it, you will find a confidence within yourself you've forgotten of before. A confidence that is backed by a family of kindred spirits. I'm getting more of a chosen family rather than blood family. They fight for you and will die for you as you would for them. Connect to your inner world, find that confidence, and with that new confidence listen to your intuition and you family to embark on something new together

LONER/PERSON SITTING: There's honestly not much I can tell you my friend. Life has great success planned for you and only asks for you to surrender to its natural flow. You lack faith or something to believe in and it seems to cause you to take a lot of matters into your own hands, when all you need is to stop, breath, let go, and listen. Life has a way to guide you and already determined you are destined for great things. Trying to force actions at this point is like putting a giant rock in a small stream. You may still get there, or it may ruin the path entirely. Stop putting rocks and surrender to the stream

🌙 MOON/CRESCENT MOON: You're in the dark when it comes to your mind, shrouded by fear. What you're afraid of at this point is unknown, it's just a general anxiety. At this point you need to remember to take moments to breath. A form of cleansing may be necessary to clear away some of the build up in your mind and spirit. While clouds may still be there, at least it'll help to see where you're going and be able to take charge of your life again.

🎶 MUSIC/MUSIC NOTES: Your focus is on growth. Growth being how you have change or how you will change. Who you are last year, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and in the future. You are working on finding your inner strength in order to reverse the sorrow and sadness you're grown use to over the years. The universe is on your side. Keep going. The sadness may still be there, but it will no longer hold you back

🌊 OCEAN/WAVES: The waves are swallowing you aren't they? Your life, or the perspective you have of it, is filled with sadness. Whether it's your own or you somehow absorbed other's is uncertain, but a deep dive may be necessary to figure it out, as within your sadness there is a seed for growth. It's been planted so deep it's having a hard time to grow, but with time and the waves of sadness receding, that seed has the ability to find light once again. You need to determine what emotions are true and your own, and what emotions you may have absorbed from others as an unknowing empath. This overwhelm of emotions is making it hard for you to think clearly, and needs to be dealt with before you drown

➕️❌️ PLUS SIGNS/Xs: You're comfortable with the way things are, almost too comfortable. You are being prompted to take action and change up your life in creative ways. You have a gift of insight that just needs time to harness your focus on it. Avoid any form of confrontation during this time, as you are vulnerable to having whatever energy stirring within you to be easily taken from you.

🌧 RAIN/DIAGONAL LINES: There's something currently unknown to you and others around you and you are determined to find out, to solve it, to uncover what is unknown. You are blind to the situation if you are trusting logic and what your eyes see, instead you are asked to trust your instincts and follow the drive inside you. Listen to your guides and intuition, stay positive, and you will find clarity for this mystery.

🕸 SPIDER WEB: You may dear, are in dire need of a vacation. This isn't so much what you are focused so much as, you're focused on way too much and you've become numb to life. You force yourself to keep moving forward and just barely dodge anything that could possibly go wrong. Now you are being asked to rest. In a way, you're being asked to sit back and watch what happens to those who rely on you without you. This rest will also help you to reconnect with yourself that has become lost or combined with the masses you assist on a regular basis.

SPIRALS (SMALL, LONG LOOPS): You are a light for many, and have a desire to continue being that light. Your entire focus is on finding ways to help enlighten, move, heal, and assist others. The one advice the cards have for you is to not forget to take time to cleanse and renew your energy every now and then to avoid burnout. Each time you help someone you help create another aspect of yourself that now must grow without you. The animal starfish comes to mind. They are real life hydras as when they get cut off in anyway, the pieces grow into replicas of themselves. Actually... I'm not even sure there are ways to kill a starfish and they just die natural once they've reached the end of their cycle. *goes to look it up* Aside from being removed from it's natural habitat, the only other ways to kill a starfish is by injecting forms of acids like vinegar and salt or ox bile... Symbolically you can take that as not being comfortable and people who are just salty to the max are your weakness.

SPIRALS/WHORLS (FINGERPRINT LIKE): Your focus is on spiritual growth. Your intuition development has been the primary focus for you for quite some time in order to develop confidence in your abilities so that the natural world become easier for you to handle. When it comes to the natural world in terms of materials, health, wealth, and anything in the world, you are a lot more in control than you think, the only thing holding you back is your own thoughts, but some of these thoughts did not stem from you but were seeds planted by others in order to hold you back. Stay strong and uproot these seeds to succeed.

✨️ STAR(S): You're confident, almost too confident as you are not seeing any perspective beside your own. Certain ideals and people are lost to you when they are necessary for balance. What people say to you or anything that just isn't what you want easily frustrates you but it's exactly these things that you need to hear. You feel above everyone around you, but you are still in the same world together and show no care for that. All intuition and guidance is lost to you as you're stubbornly stuck in your ways fighting with yourself and those around you. Learn to accept the highs and the lows, that is what it truly means to love yourself. Acknowledge where you are wrong or at fault and make progress to change if you ever want to not be alone in the world

☀️🌅 SUNSET/SUN: Your entire focus is on remaining or appearing strong to those around you, despite being wounded by life, those around you and even self inflicted wounds are left unaddressed in you. A call to surrender to these injuries is necessary and calls for some creative insight in order to express them. Leaving them unattended will only cause the wounds to grow or get deeper. Acts of self love may be necessary. It takes true strength to face your emotions and conflicts head on. Once you have a grasp and understanding of them, great healing and power will come to you, only then will you truly be strong as you now hold your emotions gracefully. Those who truly love you will accept this change and aid in your nurturing, not push the dagger deeper.

🌳 TREE: You've surrendered to the universe and left everything to chance a long time ago. You stay strong when things go wrong and grow from it and continue moving, but life isn't all about movement and staying strong. Sometimes life calls for us to rest and this is where you struggle to find a balance. You've surrendered, now listen. When it's time to move, move. When it's time to rest, rest.

If you found any of this helpful, useful, or just liked it, please interact. Also. Let me know if you guys want more of these. I doodle a lot and find that people do tend to focus on different things so I thought it could be a cool alternative to a pick a card reading as an art witch.

✨️The Blasian Witch✨️

59 notes · View notes

im-a-chunky-potato · 25 days

Note

gifting you another title

fyolai - like playing with a knife on a breathing ribcage

[admittedly i got that one from one of monikas poems from ddlc but its too fyolai coded not to use]

[bsd is invading my brain, even in the places it shouldnt be sigh]

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I HAD A SUDDEN BURST OF INSPIRATION TO DO THIS.

Nikolai was human. Oh so utterly human. It was in the way his heart beat thrummed so softly, the way his breath turned foggy on a cool day.

He wanted to rip it all away.

So it was simple. He'd cut and swing and kill and maim, all for the chance of escaping the title he was given at birth. But murder without a motive is just proof of one's human nature. Thus he lived an endless chain of remorse and regret.

And that was the day he met Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Fedya. Such an odd being. A demon to the core. Nikolai watched him kill with the skill of a dancer, so graceful and calm. It looked like more of an art than bloodshed. Nikolai admired that.

So, perhaps in the hopes of becoming just like him, or perhaps because of the strange emotion in his heart, Nikolai would follow the man and become his assistant.

He was...conflicted. Fyodor was certainly the perfect person. Too perfect. It was like this was all planned out. Like fate was pulling his strings to some unknown tune. He hated that.

But Fyodor whispered sweet lies that had to be true. Stories of freedom and unexpicable joy. The things his heart so desired to be true.

So he'd cut and and swing and maim. And slowly, his heart was chained more and more to this man.

He pretended to ignore it. He told himself lies of how he could leave at any time and wouldn't care a bit. But the Russian was a drug and he was addicted.

For a while things just became a blur. He'd be covered in blood he didn't know the cause of. He'd smell smoky or his coat would be charred, yet he couldn't remember at thing.

I suppose that's what happens when your mind is at odds with itself. A certain kind a self destruction, the kind that leaves you strangling for air.

And that was when Fyodor told him the thing that changed his world. Fyodor understood him, he was his friend. Fyodor was the key to all, he was the savior Nikolai desired.

Nikolai could ignore the chains for a while after that. He could have freedom soon! That was all that mattered. He pushed through the pain and was a good friend. He praised and followed his new Savior.

But then came along the book. When Fyodor first told him of it, he couldn't breath. A book with the power to control others. There was no way to prevent it. There was no way to tell. You would be trapped in its web of lies as soon as ink poured along the page.

And suddenly he was back where he started. He could never tell what was a lie. He couldn't stare at his reflection, couldn't face the lie he had set up for himself.

There was only one option. Follow Fedya. He didn't mind that at all, but now he was trapped. Fedya was his friend. No he wasn't. Yes he was. It was all so complicated.

And even then, Fyodor started descending into some kind of daze. Nikolai knew that underneath it all Fyodor saw him as a tool. He was irrelevant.

But that couldn't be true. He drowned out the fears and voices. He'd cut and kill and swing and maim with a lost mind, scurrying for the light.

The final straw was Sigma. A man born from a book. Nikolai so foolishly thought Fedya would show some regret for punishing someone with a fate like that.

But even before then there were people like Ivan. The groups and men that Fyodor so forcibly controlled.

Nikolai was lost. So lost. He was stuck with no clue where to go. He needed to escape his cage and find his wings, but he needed to stay in his cage in the hopes of getting them.

Thus he reached the conclusion. Kill Fyodor. The mastermind. The one who trapped him. The one who showed him the way.

He wanted this. He did. He really did. He didn't.

Fyodor knew this. He let Nikolai indulge in the game. They toyed and gambled. Fyodor could tell Nikolai was crumbling. Nikolai could tell Fyodor was seeing him as an obstacle.

Die. Die Die Die. Nikolai just wanted death. From whom, he couldn't tell. He needed the gracious hand of death to take one of them away, to finally gift some kind of freedom.

A dangerous game they played. Yet Nikolai couldn't bring himself too it. Anytime he was close he pulled away. It angered him so much, the way he trembled and shook at the thought of it.

Why was he like this. Why couldn't he just agree on something. The tears would overwhelm him, never spilling out but settling deep in his heart.

Somehow Fyodor always knew. No matter how high the mask he wore was or the grin he beared, Fyodor saw through his lies. He hated it.

But while he was arrested Nikolai was even more hateful. The silence was overwhelming and the fact he grew so attached to Fyodor was eating him alive.

So he grabbed some vials. Some liquid. He had to make his performance excellent. It could quite possibly be his last.

One of them had to die. Wouldn't this be exciting. Who would be the first one to Crack.

#HEUGH #Sorry this is terrible ^^#fyolai #bsd #bungou stray dogs

9 notes · View notes

i-did-not-mean-to · 8 days

Text

Exploration, New Lands - Firebird

Let's continue with the rarepair of my heart! <3

To Eönwë, herald of Manwë, owner of my blackened, petrified heart and soul.

My sweet bird,

Please accept my apologies for the soot and the ashes staining my haphazard confession—I must burn this letter as soon as I’m done writing, as I have no way of getting it to you safely and I can’t let it fall into the hands of any who’d wish you harm.

Isn’t it funny that there should be no trustworthy messenger for an irreproachable herald such as you and no dutiful foot soldier willing to accomplish in my name the humble service I fulfil so unerringly every day? Don’t we deserve better?

Despite all that has happened lately, I still remember how fond you ever were of new, exciting sights and novel experiences, so I yearn to tell you about the paradise of exile.

No doubt, your Master speaks of flight and cowardice—exaggerating the squalor and misery in which he surmises we must be duly writhing—and you’ll flinch violently in a valiant effort to dissimulate the instinctive reaction of your generous essence.

Worry not, my dove, for Endórë is beautiful. Wild, churning, alive, it is blooming with potential and progress!

I know that you’ve always been frightened of anything boundless—be that the land or the extent of my affection for you—but you must believe me when I swear that I’m happy here.

There are warm springs like pools of precious tears, shed by an unseen power deep within the belly of this foreign land, and I often visit them and think of you.

Also, I have a favourite spot—high upon the jagged cliffs, overlooking the seemingly endlessly vast terrain—in which I like to sit, imagining you tumbling through the crisp, cool air in unbridled joy.

After an eternity of stale mediocrity within the golden cage of the Blessed Realm, I revel in the sharpness of this unconquered world which bends and bows to my will like nought I’ve ever known before except your pliable, sensuous flesh.

Of course, you’d probably scoff at the asseverations of a deserter and traitor, but, Eönwë, my love, I truly am convinced that you could love this savage realm of prospects and perils—it was made for you, and I sorely regret that you can’t be here with me.

It would be despicably wrong of me to now claim that I miss you, wouldn’t it?

Irrevocable and grievous choices have been made, and we both need to accept the consequences. Were those not your parting words?

You shan’t ever receive this missive, written in the blood of one who’s paid his morally dubious or even reprehensible freedom by sacrificing his true love, and so I don’t hesitate to confess that I have hope still.

Brighter than the flame within Arda, more enduring and endless than the Void, my faith expands to caress your soft face once more.

Maybe, one day, we shall be reunited again. Until then, I’ll see you in every starlit night sky and feel you in every stormy breeze.

I’ve lied, my sweet, righteous beloved, for my felicity shall never be anywhere near complete or satisfying in your absence.

Thus, I’ll work harder in the ruthless, selfish pursuit of my most intimate wish: getting you here, by any means necessary.

Link on Ao3

#og post #IDNMT writes #fanfiction #writing #tolkien writing #jrrt #Epistolary Week 2024 #Interactive event #write me a letter #silmarillion epistolary #Firebird #Eönwë #Gothmog #Exploration #New lands

9 notes · View notes

drmorbius12 · 8 months

Text

In the beginning I knew nothing of pain, only the wide-eyed innocence of freedom, and a mind unchained. My mother was an artist who believed the world was full of goodness, as she painted what she saw in everyone and everything. My father was a carpenter who built many things, and knew the worth of labour and desire, raising his sons to be honest, true and strong.

But so as turns the great Millstone, so it cannot be stopped, and all that lives and dies is ground beneath, leaving both grist and chaff to fall as it may. Knowing which we will become is when childhood ends, and sorrow, joy, and forgiveness begins.

/it's a self-inflicted wound/all my wounds are/

In the city where I was born and raised, there was great promise, but also guile and danger. It is said that opportunity knocks only once, and yet I have been given many, not knowing if I would succeed or fail, create or destroy.

/she loved with a pure love untouched by doubt or hesitation/I am bent but not broken/not yet/

I only know that somehow, for a purpose I have yet to fathom, I have been given a power few others possess. Within that power lies healing and sickness, life and death, and endless forks in a river of time that never stops flowing, with no beginning and no end.

/all my wounds are my own and will be my undoing/

#millstone #river #time unending

21 notes · View notes

perverse-idyll · 1 year

Text

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers ❤️

Thank you to @yletylyf and @danpuff-ao3 for the invitation and reminding me to think about fic! It’s one in the morning, I had four hours sleep last night, and I’m going to entertain myself by seeing how coherent/interesting I can make this.

Anyone else want to play? @ac1d6urn, @writcraft, @liladiurne, @squibstress, @titconao3 - do you have favorites?

The first two picks are easy:

1. When the Rose and the Fire Are One - My first fanfic! Snape/Harry, my OTP before I knew what the acronym meant, my first experience of fandom, a love letter to the pairing and the Snape-centric LiveJournal community I had serendipitously stumbled upon. Written for the Snarry Games, thus finished on a (several times extended) deadline after pulling an all-nighter. I was talking shop with a writer friend recently about themes, as in “in 20 words or less, tell us the theme of your story,” and we agreed that it grows organically out of the writing and we have no idea what the theme is before we muddle through the first draft, nor do we care. (My friend writes pro fic, but she never condescends when I talk about my fanfic as if the creative process is the same - because it is in many ways, with the exception of professional editing in her case.) Well, I lied, because this fic was consciously and passionately written with the themes of freedom and beauty in mind. In canon, Snape is a character who never gets to experience adulthood free of masters; he signs up to be a pawn not once, but twice. I wanted to give him - for Harry to give him - that freedom, while at the same time presenting the temptation of a third master. The fact that Harry loves him by the end doesn’t make that beholden-ness less true. I was also determined to show that even someone raised in financial and emotional poverty, associated with ugliness, trapped in an ugly life, was capable of beauty under the right circumstances. Yes, I was up my own arse about this fic, but that’s okay because it made it more personal and intense. It was also, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, my first time writing a sex scene, and I jumped in at the deep end with glorious abandon. As one may gather from subsequent fics, I proceeded to make up for lost time and contribute to the mainstream perception that fanfic = smut.

2. The White Road - If there’s one fic I’m known for among Snarry readers, it’s this. Why? Because it’s set in Lily’s POV in the afterlife? Because it positions her as a voyeur, a mother watching the fork in the road of her child’s future, someone with the right to judge Snape? (The voyeurism aspect turned a lot of readers off.) Because it has a cracky premise treated seriously? Because it’s nonlinear? (No. For some, this was a bug, not a feature.) Because, as a recent bookmark proclaims, it’s “such a weird fic”? Mostly it was me wresting a different ending out of the ruins of Snape’s canon demise and the utter bollocks of the epilogue; it was a purgative experience. I think for Snarry readers at the time, in the year after the series ended, it touched a communal nerve. Snape fandom remained in turmoil for quite a while after the Lily reveal and Snape’s redemption by death (a redemption currently much disputed). At this point, 15 years down the line, perceptions of Snape have changed so drastically the fic no longer has that cathartic effect, if that’s what it was. Readers are less inclined to be consoled or sympathetic. But the chutzpah of putting Lily’s voice at the center - of turning her into a Snarry shipper, to be flippant about it - well, I’m still surprised I pulled it off. And this fic, like Rose & Fire above, vibrates with so much of my joy in fandom at the time, love for my OTP, for the stories being written about them, for the exuberant emotional engagement on all sides, that I'll always be able to dip into it and be transported back to that creative ferment and sense of belonging. I think it’s one of my best fics, but my love for it goes deeper than its relative worth as a story. It’s a memento of one of the best periods of my life.

Now things get tricky. I’m pretty sure the five, arrrgh, five WIPs I’m working on would be eligible for this list, but since at this stage only I can know what makes them favorites, I have to make other choices. And I haven’t written very many fics, you see.

3 & 4. In Infinite Remorse of Soul (Snape/Dumbledore, Snape/Harry-ish) and And Mine the Gall (concluding the Dumbledore arc from the earlier story, and going further with the Snape/Harry-ish mess) - I put these together because they were conceived as a single narrative, but In Infinite Remorse was written for a fest with a word count limit, so I posted the rest of it as a separate fic. Which turned out to be the right choice since the second fic is the darkest thing I’ve ever written. These linked stories were inspired by Dumbledore’s words to Snape in The Prince’s Tale - “You disgust me” - and how he condescends to and sometimes makes a fool of Snape in the books, when the poor bastard is simply trying to abide by Dumbledore’s expectations. Dumbledore is a fascinating character, but his lack of generosity toward Snape - his tendency to treat Snape’s moral worth as disposable when it’s clearly one of the things Snape struggles with throughout his life - caught my attention. It’s a counterweight to all the examples of Dumbledore’s wisdom, his concern for other characters. Even Draco has more charity and protection bestowed on him than Dumbledore ever gives Snape. And I decided to run with that idea because surely what Snape suffers and the loyalty he demonstrates deserves more than a “Poor Severus...” afterthought. What would it have done to his soul to never once be thanked, to have Dumbledore pass over his sacrifices while lavishing time and explanations on Harry? Yes, Voldemort’s defeat depends on Harry going back to fight. But what would Snape’s reaction be to learning that Dumbledore knew of a way for Harry to survive - counted on it, in fact - and lied about it to Snape’s face? From there I decided to chart Snape’s moral collapse and his “fuck it all” desire to go after something (someone) he wants for himself - destroying every moral gain he’d so painfully acquired because in the end the authority figure who was his role model took it so much for granted he even forgot to say “thank you.” And then I went for something twisted and frightening because I think a Snape who no longer believes in anything - who feels nothing he did in his life ever actually redeemed him - would be terribly destructive.

On a less dark note, I enjoyed writing a florid and heavily metaphorical prose for Dumbledore’s POV, mostly to suggest the complex and not always praiseworthy workings of his mind. He’s one of canon’s most intelligent characters, bent up into plot contrivances for the consumption of children, and I didn’t want to rehash his canon schemes because they rely too much on coincidence and authorial fiat. (Plus: word count.) I tried to show how his calculations and his roots in the Victorian era might influence his interior monologues. As for Snape? I just enjoyed letting his worst impulses off the leash. (Some readers haaate And Mine the Gall.) (Where is my evil grin emoji?)

5. Hmm, the last choice should be split between my creepy massage kink/character study Soft Touch, but I’m feeling rather listless about that one at the moment, so No Room for the Weak it is. Another oldie, functionally a gen fic with pre-slash Snarry vibes, it evolved from my interest in Snape’s mum Eileen. Snape fans often assume she’s dead in canon, probably because she’s not referenced past a certain point in his childhood and doesn’t appear in the Spinner’s End chapter. So I wrote this fic about Eileen trying to come to grips with her son’s violent death and all the contradictory rumors clouding his reputation. It was a chance to explore what kind of mother would produce a kid like Severus and to ponder how he seems to lack any instinct for distinguishing right from wrong. His upbringing left him morally deficient - in fact, clueless. I also tried to pull off a bit of a plot twist, just to see if I could string readers along. Also, tip o’ the hat to Joy Division. Best of all, IMO, I nailed the ending. I found exactly the words I wanted, and I’m pretty confident the story earned them. (Same with The White Road. And Mine the Gall … maybe.)

#blathering about my fic #five personal favorites #self-recs #another reason to finish my wips and concentrate on short fic #I would have so much more to choose from

38 notes · View notes

orionsangel86 · 1 year

Note

who cares about fandom. it's shows. shows aren't important american

This ask is really confusing to me. Are you calling me American as an insult? If so thats super funny to me since I most certainly am not American!

I know this is just someone being a dick for the sake of being a dick, but I will take this ask sincerely because I have the freedom of choice to do so. Who does care about fandom? Lots of people actually.

You know what is a huge and important fandom to lots of people worldwide? Football. Maybe you don't see it the same way because it's not about some dumb TV show, but its still a fandom. They even have different factions for different teams, and it gets weirdly nationalistic during global competition events. So who cares about fandom? Well, for football fans, I'd say about 5 billion people.

But limiting it to those unimportant shows anon has chosen to sneer at, well, in recent years comic cons around the world have reported a total of 1.8million+ attendees each year. And that is just a fraction of the fans who can afford to attend these conventions (plus these are only the big conventions not including the likes of Creation cons). Regardless of how much you sneer at it, fandom is huge and a huge part of many peoples lives. Fandom has brought people community, support, connection, and a mountain of creativity at its heart.

On a personal note, some of my best friends were met through Supernatural Fandom. We still talk regularly to this day and I try to meet up with them as often as possible even though we are all dotted all over Europe and America. Without Supernatural, a so called unimportant show, I wouldn't have those real life connections which mean so much to me and have made my life better.

Ask any actor from one of those unimportant shows, and they will tell you how they have met with fans who literally found reason to keep living through the shows that they loved, that the struggles and journeys of the characters they are passionate about literally saved their lives. Tell those people that fandom isn't important, that their shows are meaningless eh? Tell that to someone who was thinking of ending their own life but chose to keep living because they saw how important that was to their fave characters.

The Supernatural actors put out an actual crisis hotline to support fans struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. They started campaigns like Always Keep Fighting and You Are Not Alone because they saw how much their fandom relied on them and the fandom they were apart of, because the show was their only escape from a harsh reality. Misha Collins was able to get his Random Acts charity off the ground through the support of fandom, and to this date Random Acts has succeeded in supporting communities worldwide, including providing disaster relief in Haiti and building a school in Nicaragua.

So much for an unimportant show, when its very existance has spurned a crisis network and a charity that continue to support and save lives globally.

And thats JUST Supernatural. There is so much work done by fandoms everywhere, for all different shows. Fandom is Community. And when communities get together they create wonderful things, they support each other, and sometimes, they save lives.

Who are you to say community is unimportant? Who are you anon? a user of Tumblr.com, the fandom website, to make such a bold and wrong claim? Television is storytelling, and storytelling is one of the oldest art forms. It makes us human, connects us with our past and speaks to our hearts and souls. We share our love and joy and passion through storytelling. It is where we find escape from the humdrum of our daily lives, it is where true magic lies. There is nothing unimportant about that.

#fandom #fandom is community #our shows are modern storytelling #and we are sitting around the campfire in awe #as we share our thoughts and art and creativity inspired by those stories #do not underestimate the importance of fandom #and the importance of the media that fandom is born from

20 notes · View notes

fuzzyhenry · 7 months

Text

The Metamorphosis Closet

As we stepped into the hidden store, a subtle chime announced our arrival. The room was dimly lit, with shelves adorned with peculiar items lining the walls. And there, standing behind the counter, was a man who exuded an air of quiet confidence.

Store Owner: Welcome, welcome. I see my reputation has piqued your curiosity. I am Felix, the creator and curator of this establishment. Please, make yourselves comfortable.

His warm smile put us at ease, as if he already knew the astonishment we were about to experience. Felix had an air of mystery about him, his eyes sparkling with a mix of artistic passion and deep knowledge.

Felix: You may be wondering what brings me to create such lifelike bodysuits. Well, it's a blend of artistry and my extensive background in the film industry. For years, I have worked tirelessly behind the scenes, crafting special effects and prosthetics that blur the line between reality and imagination. But one day, it struck me—why not give people the opportunity to live in the skin they desire, to experience a different shape, a different self?

He gestured to the rows of suits hanging in the store, each one a testament to his craftsmanship and dedication.

Felix: These bodysuits are not mere costumes; they are an extension of who we are, or who we long to be. With careful attention to detail, I have created a way for individuals to transform their appearance seamlessly, without the constraints of time, effort, or judgment. Here, in this haven of possibility, people can explore their desires, embrace different body shapes, and express themselves in ways they never thought possible.

His words carried an undeniable sincerity, as if he genuinely believed in the power of his creations to bring joy and liberation to those who sought them.

Felix: You see, I believe that true beauty lies in the freedom to choose, to define oneself by the body they inhabit, regardless of societal expectations or limitations. In this world, we are no longer confined by genetics or the boundaries of our physical forms. Instead, we can embrace the endless possibilities of self-expression, stepping into a skin that resonates with our deepest desires.

As Felix spoke, his passion illuminated the room, casting a mesmerizing glow over the bodysuits. It was clear that he saw his work as more than just a business venture; it was a way to empower individuals, allowing them to rewrite their stories and discover new aspects of their own identities.

Felix: So, my dear visitors, welcome to this realm of transformation, where the boundaries of the physical self blur, and the potential for self-discovery knows no bounds. I invite you to explore, to try on these suits, and immerse yourselves in a world of endless possibilities.

#malepossession #male body transformation #male skinsuit

17 notes · View notes

herestoburiedsecrets · 2 years

Text

I am thinking a lot about Mary moving on and honestly I think they portrayed Mary’s storyline really well this season (and in the show in general but specifically this season).

The choice to not show Mary’s actual death but rather the reason why she was accused of witchcraft and then her existence after her death was so nice to see. I remember Katy saying something to the effect of “Mary’s trauma is not the other ghosts entertainment” in an interview (I think the Ask the Ghosts ep she was in) in regards to Mary’s storyline in Redding Weddy, and she is so right! Mary’s death was incredibly traumatic for her and it has affected her so much centuries afterwards, and the choice to not explicitly show her death or even anything more than the initial cause of accusation feels like a really respectful choice (and yeah I know Mary is a fictional character but her story and her character still deserves respect)!

The show in general is really good at portraying each character as very multifaceted and so much more than one aspect of their character - such as the Captain being so much more than his sexuality, or Robin being very wise despite his inability to articulate himself well - and Mary is no exception. She is consistently shown to be so much more than the way she died, although her death is definitely an important aspect of her character. By choosing to show how Mary’s friendship with Annie helped her grow and find her voice, it is simultaneously showing an aspect of Mary’s life (as in how she was treated in life as a peasant woman in the Stuart era) and also showing the freedom and joy that her existence as a ghost has brought her, however unfortunate the cause of this existence is. It gives Mary the space to exist as her own person, not just as defined by her trauma or society’s treatment of her, and it is really beautiful to see her becoming free of the restraints placed on her in life. It is also really lovely to see this change within her be encouraged by another woman who knows the type of struggle Mary has faced, and Mary and Annie’s friendship honestly gives me so much life!

Mary’s moving on is also handled incredibly well in my opinion, although absolutely heartbreaking. I don’t know definitively why they chose Mary to be the ghost that moves on, but it does make sense with her character, as she has continually expressed her desire to move on and when she does move on it feels like a natural conclusion to her character arc as she has grown since her death and found her voice and addressed her trauma. That being said, I do appreciate the fact that the moment that she moved on was completely random, implying that while it is important for the ghosts to overcome or resolve any trauma and to grow as people in order to be able to move on, this growth and development will not inherently cause the actual instance of moving on. This is a great choice in my opinion because it allows the characters to actually be able to exist in their new development, and it makes their individual growth feel more natural, whereas if they were sucked off the moment they overcame whatever hurdle they needed to, their development would be cheapened as it would have no lasting effect, and it would just feel like another stepping stone towards an end goal as opposed to a natural progression of character. I saw someone mention that Mary randomly moving on is reflective of how healing actually happens, and how it isn’t just this one big revelation or action and you are magically healed but rather there are lots of little moments that happen and then one random moment you come to the realisation that the thing that you have been holding onto or being hurt by no longer affects you, and that is such a true observation. Obviously, being sucked off is the inevitable fate that lies ahead of each ghost, but the fact that there is no singular event or thing that causes a ghost to move on feels almost comforting and freeing.

TLDR: Mary’s backstory and eventual moving on was very well written and while it is very sad, it was quite lovely to watch.

#cat.txt #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #bbc ghosts mary #also i know a lot of people have probably mentioned similar things that I have (and I am not really adding anything new to the conversation)#but I have been thinking about this all day and I just really want to put my thoughts out there #i know that multifaceted deep characters is kind of the bare minimum when it comes to writing stories #but i truly think that characters like Cap or Kitty or Robin could very easily be reduced into one aspect of their character (like sexuality #or naïveté or dumb caveman) especially in a comedy show and I really appreciate that the writers have continuously portrayed them as fully #fleshed out individuals and not reduced them down or flanderised them #also I kinda view the concept of moving on as similar to how it is shown in The Good Place where the characters are able to become better #versions of themselves and once they have become that version of themselves they are able to stay like that until they are ready to leave #that form of existence - although in the ghosts case their existence is a lot more depressing and the choice to move on doesn’t seem to be #a conscious decision but you get my point #long post

143 notes · View notes

officialyourdailyinspiration · 7 months

Text

“The world looks for happiness through self-assertion. The Christian knows that joy is found in self-abandonment. 'If a man will let himself be lost for My sake,' Jesus said, 'he will find his true self.' A Christian woman's true freedom lies on the other side of a very small gate—humble obedience—but that gate leads out into a largeness of life undreamed of by the liberators of the world, to a place where the God-given differentiation between the sexes is not obfuscated but celebrated, where our inequalities are seen as essential to the image of God, for it is in male and female, in male as male and female as female, not as two identical and interchangeable halves, that the image is manifested.” – Elisabeth Elliot

7 notes · View notes

glossolali · 2 years

Text

Molly's Tarot (completing and interpreting)

I've always wished we could get access to the official list Taliesin made for Molly's deck and all the explanations for the cards, but alas! So I made this for my own reference. I completed incomplete cards by pairing them up, and interpreted everything according to my knowledge about tarot, my perspective and some actual irl tarot meanings.

Enjoy! And if you use this for meta or fic or what have you, please credit and send me a link! 💜

(also hit me up for tarot and or molly thoughts whenever)

Complete Cards

By Molly

The Magician (Introspection, magic, mystery, instinct and emotion, power) and The Tinkerer (Extraspection, thought and action, chaos, creativity, transformation) Home (belonging, safety, stillness, peace, rest) and The Traveler (movement, travel, instability, forward motion, adventure, exploration, being lost) History (old age, stories, ancient, memory, forgetting and remembering, reality) and The Dream (imagination, intangibility, hope and dreams, chaos, fantasy, surreality)

The Moon (guidance, illumination, truth, finding your way, protection) and The Mirror (reflection, untruth, false image, illusion, deceit)

The Eye (secrets, mystery, divinity, higher power, mental acuity and connection) and The Hand (humanity, worship, belief, being down-to-earth, tangibility) By Jester

Death (something coming to an end, finality, big changes, mourning, loss) and The Dawn (new beginnings, rebirth, death of the self/ego, second chances) The Hag (age, bitterness, loneliness, grief) and The Maiden (youth, spirit, purity, vitality, beauty)

The Jewel (treasure, uniqueness, being special, being precious, rarity, being sought-after) and The Thief (betrayal, mistrust, dishonesty, deception, lies, corruption) Growth (flourishing, growing, moving on, rot of the old feeding the new) and Rot (suppression, dishonesty, neglect, big change) Spark (chemistry, passion, energy, action and reaction) and Blaze (uncontrollability, danger, backfire, overwhelm)

Incomplete Cards

Love Joy Rumor Sea Tyrant Judge Serpent Anvil Shadow Chariot

And my card pairings to complete the deck:

Love (truth, completion, care, togetherness, belonging, safety, family, familiarity, positive connection to people) and Rumor (untruth, indirectness, distortion, hypocrisy, dishonesty to one's self, negative connection to people) Joy (happiness, brightness, pleasure, charm, humor, candor, simplicity) and The Sea (darkness, the hidden, the unknown, depth, complexity, vastness, anxiety, danger) The Tyrant (unfairness, control, oppression, imbalance of power, corruption) and The Judge (fairness, unbiasedness, balance, strictness, justice, order) Shadow (darkness, hiding, fear, anxiety, cowardice, hiding from your true self / true potential) and The Chariot (ambition, forward drive, confidence, courage, journey, overcoming obstacles) The Serpent (mental action, wisdom, medicine, cleverness, cunning, secrecy) and The Anvil (physical action, hard work, dependability, strength, resilience, fortitude, power)

❔Unidentified Molly Card❔

I'm considering one side is Molly, and the other side is Lucien, so I'm calling this card:

'The Child and The Devil'

The Child (freedom, openness, wandering, inexperience, beginner's luck, going where fate takes you, chaos, foolishness, spontaneity) and The Devil (fear, domination, temptation, weakness, feeling trapped, anxiety, pain, struggle)

Refs used:

CR fandom wiki

Wikipedia tarot page

#yes i know it's been 4 years but he's still my no.1 blorbo of all time and i still think about him constantly #mollymauk #mollymauk tealeaf #lucien #kingsley #critical role #mighty nein #tarot #m9 #cr 2 #molly #glossometa #? kinda #glossopost

81 notes · View notes

tsuchinokoroyale · 2 months

Note

thanks for your tags, I enjoyed reading them and I think it was very well put. I knew immediately after watching this film in trying to digest it in its entirety that there would be discourse. people who think this movie was gross and graphic without the understanding of the reasons are not seeing the full narrative being told here. gross themes sometimes need to be presented to tell the story. I absolutely AGREE that bella was taken advantage of while her mind was young and this occurrence served a purpose in the story.

Thank you for posting the gifs!!! It just really is a shame that this movie that’s about the joys (( and horrors )) in expanding your world view is being met with such a narrow mindset. Like there is definitely troubling content in the movie but there’s something interesting in both our reaction to that stuff as well as the non-reactions of Bella. Like when the movie starts and Bella is calling Willem Dafoe God I was immediately like 😬😬😬 the person I was talking with even pointed out that aspect as like another way the movie was upholding patriarchal standards to which I was like

Looks like somebody was too blinded by their biases to engage with movie on a subtextual levelllll~ my IMMEDIATE response to that detail was 😬😬😬 but then Bella literally explains that she calls him God because his name is Godwin. Every piece of information you receive about him makes him seem like the egomaniacal mad scientist type of character who sees Bella as nothing more than HIS creation. And while that first bit is like, well, objectively true, he actually has a remarkable soft spot for Bella and while he does keep her confined to the house at the beginning of the movie, it’s not out of cruelty or trying to keep her under his thumb, but because when he goes out he feels the cruelty of the people around him and he doesn’t want Bella to experience that herself. It really is just a pet name she has for him, and if anything sheds more light on the person who actually named HIM Godwin, who is actually confirmed to be the stereotypical egomaniacal mad scientist archetype. This is even flat out stated by Bella when she calls him God in front of Toinette who gives her a weird look and she’s like “What? His name is Godwin Baxter.” And if you know anything about the character of Godwin you know there’s absolutely no way he was bringing Bella up with religion in mind. Duncan even says “I don’t understand you! How can you not know what a banana is, but understand what empirically means?” Bella absorbs other people’s biases, but doesn’t attach the same judgements or weights to them that they do unless they explain it to her, and even then whether or not she takes an actual stance on it is her own call. Like Bella does call out Godwin at the end of the movie, but it’s mainly because of how he lied to her about the circumstances of her “birth”. She’s a great character for us audience members to do something similar, to set aside our own preconceived notions of right and wrong and see if we fall on the same side of the fence looking at things again with fresh eyes. Or you can just go “all on-screen sex is porn and nothing attached can have any value.” Freedom of choice also means that someone is free to choose wrong after all 🤭

5 notes · View notes

leighsartworks216 · 2 years

Text

Trauma (Songfic)

Darkiplier x DA!reader, Damien x DA!reader

I told y'all I got this idea and boy did I deliver

Based on the song Trauma by NF

Warnings: A N G S T

Word Count: 1171

Masterlist

Say you’re there when I feel helpless

If that’s true, why don’t you help me?

It’s my fault, I know I’m selfish

Stand alone, my soul is jealous

It wants love, but I reject it

Trade my joy for my protection

The mirror cracked, shattered. Staring back at you was your body, but… It twisted its head, left and right, cracking its neck. It paused for a brief moment after. It stared straight at you.

“Damien?”

Remorse reflected back in the dark voids where its eyes had been, but it was gone in a split second. It turned and left you behind. Your body, filled with others’ souls… They just left you in this mirror.

“Damien? Damien!” Your screams echoed painfully, bouncing off every corner of your prison. Your hands - did you even have hands anymore? - covered your ears. “DAMIEN!”

Your body, or whatever had become of it, did not come back.

You weren’t sure how long had passed before William was traipsing back in front of the mirror, downtrodden. He believed he hadn’t killed the detective or anyone. It seemed he was losing hope on that belief.

“Damien?” he called out, but his voice sounded echoey and distant. He spun around the center table, looking up toward the balcony you fell from.

Your hands banging on the glass fell on deaf ears. You slammed your palms against the barrier, hit knuckles on the cracks that trapped you there, but Wilford just slumped to the door and left without even a glance in your direction.

Grab my hand, I’m drowning

I feel my heart pounding

Why haven’t you found me yet?

I hold you so proudly

Traumas, they surround me

I wish you’d just love me back

You waited. And you waited. You watched with bated breath as the paint began to peel off the walls, as spiders spun their webs in abandoned corners, as dust collected on top of the table you were forced to stare at.

Nobody ever came back.

Instead of continuing to stare, you decided to distract yourself. You were stuck in here, after all. Who knew how long it would be before you got out?

You called out into the void to hear it echo, pretending it was somebody else. Every now and then you would sing, your echo singing back to you like some fucked up duet.

You closed your eyes and tried not to imagine someone showing up to break you out, but rather memories of your life before all the madness Mark’s party had brought. You would think of those long college nights, studying over your fifth cup of coffee; of doing practically the same thing as a district attorney. You remembered staying in the Mayor’s office a little longer than necessary during lunch breaks, telling stories and laughing. You could still see Damien’s smile…

You missed his smile.

Say you’re here, but I don’t feel it

Give me peace, but then you steal it

Watch them laugh at all my secrets

Scream and yell, but I feel speechless

Ask for help, you call it weakness

Lied and promised me my freedom

Time was slow, and cruel. You would remember the sound of a piano one day only to forget it the next. How did this song go? What were their names?

What’s my name?

The only name you could remember anymore was Damien’s. You repeated it to yourself like a mantra. Some small part of you continued to hope that you would see him again.

As time passed, so did your scenery. Every once and a while, people would enter the house - teens claiming it was haunted (not fully untrue) or real estate agents looking to make another deal. At one point, they cleaned it up really nice. It was almost like that night was back, drinking and playing poker.

But the mirror couldn’t be fixed.

You screamed and shouted until your throat was raw as they covered it with a sheet and tossed it into trash.

Grab my hand, I’m drowning

I feel my heart pounding

Why haven’t you found me yet?

I hold you so proudly

Traumas, they surround me

I wish you’d just love me back

Without being able to see, you couldn’t tell how much time was passing or even what was happening. You knew you were relatively safe in here - some teens had tried smashing your mirror further by throwing it on the ground but nothing happened, even when they took a hammer to it. You weren’t sure why.

Sometimes you’d catch little glimpses. Out of the corner, you could see the sky. You appreciated those moments more and more as they became less frequent. Time felt slow as you watched clouds pass overhead, or stars twinkling, only for the cloth to flip back over the mirror once again and leave you in the darkness of your void.

By the time you forgot what hunger and thirst felt like, and forgot your name and the name of your closest colleagues and friends, forgot what it was like to live, there no longer seemed to be hope that you would ever escape. Nobody wanted a broken mirror, no matter how ornate it looked. And even if they did, they couldn’t see you, no matter how much your knuckles bled or how raw your throat became.

Grab my hand, I’m drowning

I feel my heart pounding

One day, however, light suddenly streamed into your void. It was bright, but it was warm. You stepped up to the glass, for the first time in perhaps decades, and looked out into your new surroundings.

It was an office. A man sat behind a desk, but he was too far away for you to see clearly. Bookshelves lined the walls, comfortable-looking armchairs facing the desk for any visitors. The room reminded you of something… It was just there, tickling the back of your brain, but no amount of thinking on it could bring it to the surface.

The man was wearing a suit, that much you could tell. He seemed to be shuffling paperwork, signing things and slipping them into manila folders. You couldn’t hear too well what was going on either, as everything through the mirror sounded like it was being said through water, but someone must have knocked. He called them in, spoke to them for a moment, and then the other person was leaving.

He shuffled a few things away, tidying his desk. You watched eagerly as he began to approach the mirror. You couldn’t remember exactly who you’d been waiting for, but you knew you were waiting for someone. Could this be them?

His face entered the frame. He looked right through you as he adjusted his tie, folding his collar neatly over the fabric. He turned his head this way and that, checking his face for any imperfections. With one last breath, held in his chest, he nodded, and turned to leave.

That wasn’t… That wasn’t who you were waiting for.

Why haven’t you found me yet?

107 notes · View notes

fancytrinkets · 3 months

Text

Circus

(Astarion/Tav) enjoy this snippet, second person, Astarion PoV, from my self-indulgent collection of little chapters in which Tav is a wizard (renamed Tamar) and Astarion is reluctantly falling for them...

Your poisoned blade sinks deep into the flesh of your enemy, the last to fall. When it first attacked, it appeared to be human. But now, you're aware that it isn't. Its long, pale corpse lies naked and contorted among half a dozen others just like it, strewn across the circus grounds.

Shapeshifters. You kick the foot of the nearest one. "A shame. I thought we were killing a real clown."

Tamar laughs and then can't stop laughing. You consider for a moment that they may have been cursed. But no. They wipe away their tears as the laughing fit subsides.

"Sorry. That one got me. Clowns were never my favorite."

"And yet, you cajoled me into going on stage with one." Gale's expression is sour. He looks supremely unimpressed. "Not just any clown, mind you — a shapeshifting murderous one. With a dog that bit me!"

"I'll make it up to you." Tamar sounds earnestly contrite. "What would you like? Facepainting? A go at the prize wheel? You name it, I'm buying."

Gale grins with mirth and mischief. "Oh, you'll pay for it, all right. I have just the attraction in mind. Follow me."

Tamar obliges, falling in step behind Gale. Karlach, still absurdly delighted by this circus despite its lackluster attractions and abysmal security, cheers with joy at the prospect of visiting another tent. She grabs your sleeve, pulling you along as she follows the others.

"Oh, what now?" You're growing tired of this place already.

Your displeasure increases by tenfold when you see Gale's destination: a small stage — more of a platform, really. It's trying to be rustic, but like all things designed by druids, the look it achieves is best described as poverty, but with trees adjacent.

"One good turn deserves another," Gale says as he pushes Tamar forward, closer to the druid who offers her services.

"This?" Tamar asks. "Really?"

"Oh, yes," Gale says. "I insist."

Apparently, it's to be a test of true love, which means Tamar is not being volunteered to undergo this fearsome trial alone.

Sure enough, Tamar turns towards you. "Astarion, are you up for this?"

You'd like to object, but the look on their face is so intrigued and hopeful. There must be something wrong with you — did you fall and hit your head without having noticed? — because you find yourself swayed to go through with it.

"How could I say no?"

Fortunately, it's a trick of druid magic. The trial takes place entirely in your mind, so Gale doesn't get to serve as a smug and laughing spectator. It's only you, Tamar, and the druid herself — which is more than enough for an audience.

The questions she asks are invasive. The answers are supposed to be honest. But to your overwhelming relief, Tamar plays this game more shrewdly than you would have imagined, with a mind for spotting loopholes and preserving secrets. Each truth they tell is an easy one — a joyful or flippant admission, chosen to protect the shameful things you'd rather hide than show.

Your greatest fear? Why, it's breaking a nail, of course! Not anything to do with Cazador. Not the clawing, strangling terror of one day losing this tenuous freedom you've won.

Each delving, probing question is different. Tamar's answers are always the same — a clever selection of half-truths, spoken in service of keeping you safe.

It ends up being rather enjoyable, actually; though, at the end you feel uneasy. Seducing Tamar was meant to be fun with a purpose, the combined pleasure of sex and manipulation, as simple as that. But something's changed, and you aren't sure when it started.

The trial of love ends. Your panicked musings are swiftly interrupted by the jarring reality of what comes next: the druid turns into Orin — the most unhinged of your Netherstone-bearing enemies — who disappears rather than staying to fight.

"Is this circus entirely made up of murderous shapeshifters?" Gale asks, looking shocked and dismayed.

"Last Days," Tamar says, grinning. "It's right there in the name."

#bg3 #bg3 fanfic #astarion x tav #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #circus of the last days

2 notes · View notes