#my mom is so unintentionally funny it kills me sometimes

[rxvera]

anyone remember this video? my mom showed it to me when I was like twelve to be like "see, this is why you're jewish, christianity is bad, listen to me not your father" lmao

#that was such a weird tactic lollll #my mom is so unintentionally funny it kills me sometimes #it just. popped up on my youtube recommended again so I remembred lol #vera talks

[mountains-moving-91]

Let 'Em Fall Down

Sometimes, not all friends stick around. I know this world all to well. See, I have spent my whole life keeping my circle pretty small. Unintentionally sometimes, by bad choices other times, and because sometimes people just freaking suck. I’ve learned though, that just sometimes, it is better to have less, than more, especially when you are talking about “bad” friends. What does that mean to you? Well, that’s for you to decide. But let’s talk about it, together. If they leave, does it matter what their worth WAS to you? Yes, of course. It all still hurts the same. And normally, it isn’t until much later - once the pain has passed a little - that you start to notice that maybe they weren’t the best thing for you after all. That’s the fairy-tale world we live in though.

I told you all, awhile ago, that I have two kids. Well, the oldest, his biological dad is one of those holiday-dad-types. You know, the one that is never around unless it is a holiday. On those days, my mother gets voicemails to pass along. The other dad, he’s on version 1 of being a real biological dad but def on v2 of being a dad. It’s called C-H-O-I-C-E-S and Dad #2 steps up when and where Holiday Dad #1 falls short - which is every day, other than holidays. Funny story - before kid #1 existed, Dad #1 and I were madly in love. Granted, this was back in my LORD-OF-THE-DRUGS days, and looking back I would prefer to say that the drugs were to blame, but I am a shitty liar and that story wouldn’t do anybody any good.

See, I fell head over heals for what I thought was God’s Gift to Earth, all wrapped in one-hell-of-a-good-looking-BOY-BOD. He was beautiful from head to toe. And he did at one point have a very kind and beautiful heart. We actually met in rehab, and everyone acts differently when they are clean - which is how our relationship started out.  We had a beautiful relationship, nearly perfect, until we decided to take a turn down the dark road of addiction&drugs together. See, we both struggled with our mental health internally, and at the same time we were both SUPER STRONG AND STUBBORN gemini’s. And I can honestly say, if it wasn’t for what happened next, Dad and baby #2 would have never stood a chance. But the next part here, it happened - to me, and it still hurts, which is why you get to know about it. 

Rewind with me…back to my hot-shot-junkie-days. I didn’t have kids. I hardly showered. I had responsibilities that I COULD HAVE taken care of, but I made the CHOICE, EVERY DAMN DAY, to take care of my drug habit. That was the only responsibility I gave two shits about - MY next freaking fix. Holiday Dad and I shared more than just our birthday month. We both had an unmanageable addiction and a wild desire to make bad decisions in all the right moments. And it was fun at first - until we both could no longer manage the addiction. 

This is where Domestic Violence comes into play. Addiction changed this man EVER SO MUCH, as it does to everyone who struggles with this broken window. He started getting mean. Oh so fucking mean. See, he had big_full/grown_beautiful_man_hands, only they didn’t feel so pretty when they made impact on the side of my face. He was the tall, with these big coffee brown eyes and hot damn, his eyelashes were every girls wildest dream. They even smiled with his smile. But they turned black, when he got high - and when he couldn’t get high, they/and_he got even darker. He was strong. And on the days he was nice, I knew I was safe standing next to him. But on his bad days, his angry days, I was basically a ghost just living in the eye of his storm. 

As much as this guy hurt me, he does have his own trauma from his childhood. See, he watched his dad beat his moms face into the bathtub, and nearly kill her on multiple occasions. His dad was his very own holiday dad who ended up murdered - 16 shots to the chest - by the time he was 8 years old. Talk about his very own type of CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND PTSD. BUT, (and this deserves a BIG BUT) he made the choice, and continues to make the choice, to walk down the same road that got his dad murdered, every single damn day. So I personally feel that SCREAMING the solid_hard_TRUTH about his ever so ugly life is only fair. See, his voice, under the influence of Meth, Anger, or Trauma, were so hsrsh that they left the forever-type of bruises on my heart. Side note - I’d much rather get beat by a man, than degraded by a man... but now I am more of the show up ready to fight kinda girl…so hands up or sit down, basically. 

The point is - it doesn’t matter if you beat the living shit out of someone half your size or if stand in front of them and tell them that they look like they have a flat tire around their belly 1 fucking week after giving birth. IT ALL FUCKING HURTS. AND IT ALL CAUSES FUCKING TRAUMA. And you guessed it…TRAUMA CAUSES PTSD IN DA BRAIN. AND PTSD AFFECTS YOUR LIFE, IF YOU HAVE IT. Sometimes you gotta run. Sometimes you gotta fight. Sometimes you gotta hide. And sometimes, you gotta start cutting people you’ve outgrown from your life. ANDDDD - that doesn’t mean you are alone or that you don’t have anything left to fight for. It just means that it is time to rebuild. And it’s easier to do that from the bottom, than with a half built stepping stone. 

STAY STRONG YA’LL. Time doesn’t always heal everything. But you can heal, if you make the choice that you want too. The fight isn’t over until you quit… 

#LikeToySoldiers #Mental Health #KeepGOOD #LoseBAD #Kindnessmatters #Domestic Violence #PTSD #C-PTSD #speakupspeakout

[bl597]

Hi! Can I request a George x Slytherin!Reader where she's in Ron's year, and Ron and her argue a lot, and he asks Fred and George to prank her, and when she's about to fall for it, George swoops in and saves her and doesn't follow through, making Ron mad but yeah and just fluff between reader and George after?

of course, angel! i'm sorry it took me so long to post it, i'm really sorry! i changed it a little bit so reader and georgie have been secretly dating for a few months, but the rest of the request is the same! hope you enjoy it! 💖

warnings: reader and ron hate each other yay, fluff fluff fluff fluff, my english is not really good since it's not my first language, so i'm sorry for any mistakes! plus, it got really long hehe sorry

my masterlist ♡

You and Ronald never really got along, whenever you were at the same room, you guys would start fighting like 5 years old kids. He didn't like you because you were a Slytherin and mean sometimes, and you didn't like him because he was stupid and mean to you. The fact that he was a Gryffindor was just a plus, not that you hated Gryffindors, though. You just hated one specific redhead Gryffindor. You were fine with the other ones, actually.

Currently you were in potions, professor Snape was teaching a new potion, polyjuice.

“Can anyone” he said, looking at the class with a i-was-forced-to-be-here-and-i-hate-you-with-my-whole-being face “tell me what is the Polyjuice potion?”

He watched a few students raise their hands, surprisingly, Ronald Weasley being one of them. “Mr. Weasley?” professor Snape asked with a smirk, already knowing he would answer the wrong thing.

“It's a shape-changing potion, Professor. People drink it to look like anyone they want for a certain amount of time, but it only works in humans.” Ron said with a satisfied smile, seeing the despise in Snape's face.

“5 points to Gryffindor.” Snape said, hissing.

“Oi, Weasley!” you yelled from across the room and he looked at you with an annoyed expression. “It looks like your tiny monkey brain finally decided to work, eh?” a few Slytherins laughed at your comment.

“Oh, shut up, (Y/l/n)! Stop being so bloody stupid!” his face was matching the red in his hair and tie, making you laugh at him.

“Quiet, Miss/Mr (Y/l/n)!” Snape hissed again and you stopped laughing at the same time. You knew Snape wouldn't take points from Slytherin, but you didn't want to get detention or to get in trouble with your head of house. Ron started laughing at you and telling his friends how stupid you looked. “Detention for you, Mr Weasley. After dinner, my office.” Snape said in a monotonous voice.

“Stupid old bat.” you heard Ron say quietly.

~

Before dinner, Ron went straight to where the twins were. He said he wanted to prank a Slytherin, and they were bored, so why not?

“Ok, mate” George said. “Which Slytherin are we pulling a prank on?”

“(Y/n) (Y/l/n)” Ron answered, hissing. Just the thought of your name made him mad. “Stupid snake.”

“What should we do, Georgie?” Fred asked his brother, looking in his direction.

(Y/n), the snake George had a huge small crush on. His snake. His brothers wanted to prank you. He couldn't let them, what if they unintentionally hurt you? What if you knew he was behind all that and would never want to look at him anymore? George didn't know what to do.

“George? Hey, Earth to George!” Fred said, waving his hand in front of his twin's face, who blinked and came back to reality.

“Sorry. What are we going to do?” George asked, ignoring his brothers' stares.

“What do you think about Dungbombs?” Ron asked and Fred agreed, giving him a high five.

“Yeah, that's cool, mate” George said, still worried about what you would do or say. The boys spent about half an hour planning before they went to the dinner.

~

The next morning, when they would prank you, you were going to Herbology, your first class of the day. Well, as I said, you were. In the way to the greenhouse, someone pulled you by your arm and you let out a yelp, getting your wand and pointing to whoever it was. That was when you realised it was George and you calmed down, lowering your wand.

“George? What happened? I need to go to the class!” he didn't answer, still guiding you to God knows where. “C'mon, love, I have Herbology right now.”

“Fred and Ron want to pull a prank on you. Dungbomb. Before lunch, I guess.” he said, finally stopping walking and turning around to look at you. “You will be stinky for one week, at least.” he playfully scrunched his nose.

“Well, hello to you too.” you said sarcastically “And why are you telling me this?” you asked, crossing your arms. “Why are you helping me?”

You knew he would never do anything to hurt you, but Fred and Ron were his brothers, it wouldn't be a surprise he would choose his brothers' side, not yours.

“I thought you would like not to smell like shit for one week. Well, it looks like my help isn't appreciated, so I'll just go.” he pouted while putting his hand on his chest, feigning hurt. What a drama queen.

“Thank you, Georgie.” you said, hugging him and kissing his cheek before you went to the greenhouse.

It wasn't unsual for you two to be touchy with each other. You've been dating for a few months, not officially because Ron would kill him, though. But you enjoyed being secretly with him, actually. He was nice and funny and it was nice to spend time by his side, it was always calming and quiet, but also full of laughs.

~

After Charms, your last class of the morning, you walked around the castle really carefully, ready to attack the two redheads at any moment. You tried to act normal and not look everywhere all the time, so they wouldn't suspect you somehow already knew their plan.

Ron, Fred and George were in the Gryffindor table, ready to throw the dungbombs in you when you enter the Great Hall. When George saw a few Slytherins going to sit in their table, he mentally prayed that you would skip lunch or that something in the plan would go wrong. That was when you entered the Great Hall with your friend, talking about the Charms class from earlier.

Fred and Ron exchanged knowing looks, nodding at each other and getting their wands. George got his too, but little did they know what he had in mind. With a flick of the wand, Fred conjured the dungbomb and nodded at Ron, who made a little movement with his wand, making the bomb start to fall. When it was a few inches away from your and your friend's head, George finally acted.

“Protego!” he said and you and your friend were thrown in the wall behind you, away from where the dungbomb just fell. You were extremely angry, thinking someone did this to mess with you, but when you looked up, you saw something a few meters away from where you were - a dungbomb. When you finally stood up - and helped your friend get up too - you looked in the Gryffindor table's direction, seeing two redheads arguing with other redhead, face red just like his hair.

“What the hell was that, mate?!” Ron asked his brother, crossing his arms and arching his eyebrows. “We were almost doing it and then you suddenly decide to play the hero and save (Y/n)?!”

“Yeah, George, we agreed to help Ron!” Fred exclaimed, already knowing why his twin did this, but not wanting to say it in front of Ron.

“What was that for?!”

And Ron kept yelling at him until the end of the lunch, because they had different classes.

~

“Hey! Psst, George!” you whispered-yelled when the twins passed by you. “George!”

He turned around when you threw a crumpled paper in his head, looking at you in a way that said "bro why did u do this" and you just mentioned to the paper on the floor with your head. He playfully rolled his eyes, but smiled while he got the paper, carefully unfolding it.

“You're an idiot but I like you ;p

Ps: meet me in the owlery at midnight.

- your fav snake ♡”

He looked at you with a raised brow, a dork smile on his face. You just winked at him with a little smirk.

“Looks like someone has a date." Fred teased when he looked the piece of parchment his brother was holding, smirking when he saw George blushing and murmuring a "shut up".

When it was around midnight, George left his dorm and the Gryffindor tower as quietly as he has ever been in his whole life, lighting the way with his wand in a dim light.

When he successfully got to the owlery, he saw on his watch that it was exactly midnight. He entered the room, quickly recognising you, your back facing him. You were wearing a dark green and silver hoodie and sweatpants.

“Punctual, uh?” he heard you say softly, turning to look at him with a smile. “C'mere, love.” you said, opening your arms for him. He always loved it when you were clingy, because he would always tease you for it later, but also because he could feel you close to him.

“Looks like someone here missed me.” he chuckled, circling his arms around your waist and bringing you close.

“I wanted to thank you for earlier.” you spoke softly, nuzzling your face in his neck. “And I'm sorry Ron yelled at you because of me. I can hex him if you want to, though.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Mom would kill us.” you giggled at the thought. “Besides, I wouldn't get close to you if you smelled like shit, love.”

“You idiot.” you both laughed quietly. It was moments like this you liked to share with George; you both just cuddling and being so lovey dovey. You wish you could be like this with him in public, but it was better like this, when it was only the two of you in your own little world.

God, you love this idiot.

~

this was shitty yay

#harry potter imagines #harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #hp imagine #hp x reader #george x reader #george weasley imagines #george weasley x reader #george weasley #george weasley headcanon #fred weasley headcanons #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley x reader #ron weasley imagine #ron weasley x you #ron weasley x reader #slytherin!reader

[91percentpynch]

Jean‘s first Winter Barquet without the Ravens

look i have this in my head for a while now, so i thought i might as well share it with you guys!! i have absolutely no idea where this is going, guess will find out:) jerejan isn‘t a thing yet in this headcanon, but please keep in mind that they ARE in love,,, we will see where they‘re going,,, also please keep in mind that i never took french so if the french terms are wrong i‘m sorry <33

jean only owns the suits he was forced to wear with the ravens. obviously he had no time to take it with him and no one would bother to give him the few things he actually owned back, so he has nothing to wear

as he has a mental breakdown because the thought of meeting his ex-teammates alone gives him anxiety jeremy walks in, smiling softly as he asks „so i guess we should get you a nice suit for tonight. are you bringing someone by the way?“

the moment he sees jean on the floor he goes over to him and sits down next to him on the floor

„is there something that would make you feel better?“ jeremy asks quietly. „need a hug? or something else?“

jean just holds out his hand, a silent question jer quickly answers by taking his hand and softly squeezing it

„we got this dude, don‘t worry i‘ll keep you safe“ jeremy whispers as jean is trying to stop his sobs

„how exactly do you plan to stop them?“ jean asks, with a thick french accent he gets when his panic attacks are especially bad

„oh, a man never tells his secrets. you will see when we need to find out“, jeremy laughs.

they stay in that position for a while before slowly getting up to go to the mall to get jean a suit

when they sit in the car and jeremy‘s about to start his car he asks jean if it‘s okay to listen to music, or if he‘d rather have it quiet

„music, because quiet reminds me of them“, jean whispers, ashamed that he would allow to show weakness to his captain

„music it is my dude“, jeremy says and puts on his french playlist. „thought you might like that“, he looks flashing a grin at jean

jer obviously knew jean liked it, jean told jer about his love to music/ french music when they started talking, he told him it calms him down

jean just puts his head against the window, looking at nothing in peticular

at the mall they go into the first store who sells suits (because they‘re slightly stressed to make it back in time, they‘re both masters in procastination)

„okay so i thought of something, cause shopping for clothes is always super boring. so we both choose something for the other person and try it on together. you don‘t have to take my choice but you have to at least try it on“

„but you have terrible taste, jeremy. terrible“

„well than you can only improve the way i look, can‘t you?“, jer replies with a wink, „and my taste is perfectly fine“

jean doesn‘t reply to that, as the only thought in his head „everything is perfect about you, everything but the way you dress“, but he will not say such things to his captain

jeremy takes his lack of an answer as a yes and disappears to look for suits

sharing a dom for a few months and the fact that jer leaves his stuff lying around jean knows jer‘s size

not that he would be interested in jeremy, not that he would spend hours on end thinking about his captain

jean picks out a navy blue suit and a light grey bow tie which happens to have the exact same color as his eyes

slowly he goes looking for jeremy, who waits for him in front of the dressing rooms with his characteristic toothy grin

„okay show me what you got“, jer says when jean is within earshot

jean hands his finding over without a word - blushing a bit

jer takes it, hands jean a suit and diappears in the changinng room

jean slowly goes in the one next to jer and changes in the suit jer gave him

once he‘s done he looks at himself in the mirror

jeremy chose a light grey suit with a navy blue suit

they unintentionally match

when jean leaves the changin room, jer is already waiting, happily chatting with an employee about the exy season

he stands there awkwardly looking at jeremy, not saying a thing, until jeremey turns around and notices him

jeremy gives him a once over and nods satisfied with himself

„we‘re matching, i like that“, he says softly, blushing

„i have to admit, this is not as terrible as i thought it would end up to be. you look faboulous, no wonder when i pick out your outfit“

„well, you look rad as fuck my dude. you‘re definetly buying that, well not you but coach. coach told me to get us some nice suits, apparently the one i own is - i quote - ‚a unnecessary threat to society‘“

„he isn‘t wrong though“, jean says, a small smile on his lips.

„holy shit you‘re smiling, i either said something unbelieveable stupid or funny. i thought i had to talk french again to make you feel better“

jeremy took french as soon as he knew jean would come to the trojans so he could talk to jean in private, if needed to

„please don‘t. your french is terrible“, jean replies, his smile only getting bigger at the thought of jer‘s terrible pronounciation

„hey“, jer says jokingly offended

they change back in their regular clothes, pay the suits and head back to their dorm

„you wanna listen to that french music while we pack for tonight?“, jeremy asks quitely when they close their dorm door behind them

jean can only nod, his panic slowly growing

on the way to palmetto state - where the winter barquet will take place this year - jeremy sits next to jean

when jer notices jean getting nervouse/ anxiouse he offers him his hand

„my mom used to hold my hand when i was anxious, said she‘d keep me safe. thought it might help you as well“, jer is blushing again, avoiding jean‘s eyes

jean takes jer‘s hand without comment, thinking how soft they are over and over and over again

„why didn‘t you bring a date? i bet the ladies would kill someone to go on an event like that with a guy like you?“, jean asks jeremy in a sorry try to distract himself from the ever rising anxiety

„i‘m not into girls, first of all. and secondly i might like someone who would not be ready to with me there and i will not force them to do anything when they are clearly not ready“

jean pretty much stopped paying attention when jeremey said he was into guys

„what do you mean by ‚a guy like me‘?“, jer asks winking

„oh you know, unbelieveably annoying, decent looking, kind. isn‘t that what girls are into these days? i wouldn‘t know, all we got to be interested in was exy, exy, exy“, jean whispered, blushing

„annoying, huh?“, jer laughed.

jean didn‘t know what to reply so he decieded to stare out the window - definetly NOT thinking about how beautiful jeremy‘s eyes look in the stupid light of the bus

„hey wanna listen to the french music again? someone told me lately that my pronunciation is shit, so i need to listen to it anyways as this french guy won‘t help me out. we can share my headphones if you want?“

jean had never seen jeremy so shy, and he had to admit jer is even more adorable and attractive that way

not that jean would pay that much attention to jeremy knox

jean just nods unable to form a word, yet a sentence

when he put the headphone in his ear, he leans his head against the window and shortly after that falls asleep

when they arrived at palmetto state, jer wakes jean up softly

jean didn‘t let go of jer‘s hand - his grip only tightening- until they reached the home locker room where they would put their stuff and get changed for the barquet

„don‘t worry, i will keep you safe. i will punch anyone who looks at you funny“, jeremy whispers to jean when jean struggled to close the buttons of his shirt

jean‘s hand wouldn‘t stop shaking so jeremy closed the buttons of jean‘s shirt for him

jean suddenly gets very inappropriate thoughts while silently watching jer buttoning his shirt

„ready.“ jean answers, taking jer‘s hand

„ready?“ jer asks, holding out his hand, when they are changed

as soon as they entered the court jean looks for renee, in order to Not Look at the raven‘s table

obviously renee would spot him immediatly and drag her girlfriend alison with her to greet him

renee hugs him tightly completly ignoring jeremy

„i missed you, skyping just isn‘t enough j. you gotta visit me sometime. anyways i asked wymack to sit the foxes and the trojans together, so you can sit with me and tell me everything“, she said softly against his chest with a grin on her face.

jean isn‘t used to people being happy to see him so he is lowkey overwhelemed

„o- okay, but you gotta let me go first“

renee lets go almost immediatly, taking his other hand

it‘s only then that she notices jeremy

„oh god you two are matching, alison look they are matching“, she says excitedly

but alison only has eyes for her gorgeous girlfriend

jeremy laughs quietly while renee drags them to their seats

jean takes the place next to renee, jeremey sits next him, across from jean sits matt boyd, to matt‘s left kevin day and to matt‘s righ is dan

jean only focuses on renee though

they talk about school, their free time activities, the exy season, renee‘s plans for when she‘s done with college

jean does not let go of jeremy‘s hand until dinner arrives

they eat in silence, everyone‘s too busy with the delicous food

after everyone‘s done with dinner the tables are getting moved to the sides of the court, christmas music starts to play, someone brings the punch in and everyone starts to socialise

people are bringing their dates on the dance floor to slow dance under the mistletoes

„do you, uhm, do you maybe wanna dance with me?“, jer asks aggressivly blushing

„you wanna dance with me? what would the person you talked about on the bus would say to that?“, jean answers, having had a punch or two too much to calm his nerves

„that‘s what i‘m trying to find out right now actually“, jeremy replies shyly

„wait i‘m the mysterious guy you like? why?“, jean is suddenly not so drunk at all, rather confused than anything else

„dude have you looked in a mirror lately? i‘ve had a crush on you since i first saw you on court. started out as a stupid little crush, but then you started to live with me, play exy with me and i got to know you. you are so strong, so funny if you let yourself be, you are talented and so much more. i would add ‚good dancer‘ to that list, but you‘d have to dance with me for that“, jer says still blushing, avoiding his eyes

„okay, then let‘s show these losers how to dance“, jean replies, a small smile on his lips

jeremy knox liked him the way he liked him jeremy knox liked him the way he liked him jeremy knox liked him the way he liked him

so they ended up slow dancing at the edge of the dance floor

laila and renee saw them and took a quick picture of them before leaving them be

eventually it was only jean and jeremy, no ravens, no teams, no exy court

„i wanna see the stars“, jean says, suddenly having the urge to see the bright spots against the dark sky. needing to show jeremy, to make him understand

„i think it‘s okay when we disappear for a second“, jeremy says against his chest, as he still leans against jean from the slow dancing

so jean leads them out and as soon as they are outside he searches the night sky for the stars

when he found them jean points at them and says „look at the stars. you are the stars. you are bright and people look for you, people love you, people want to be with you. me? i‘m the night sky. i‘m dark, people are afraid of me. i am nothing worth looking at“

„jean, you are none of the things you said right now. if no one else i would always come looking at you. you are not dark. you surrived darkness and you came out of it. you surrived. you made it. and i am so unbelieveably proud of you. you are so strong and beautiful and if no one else, i want to be with you“

jean never cried, not when his parents sold him and homesickness almost killed him, not when riko tortured him, not when kevin left him alone in that hellhole, but this? silent tears are running down his cheeks

jer‘s hand is reaching up to his face to put them away, but he stops a few inches away, asking „may i?“

jean only asks

jeremy softly puts jean‘s tears away with his thumb

„i really wanna kiss you, can i kiss you?“, jeremy asks softly.

jean is unable to say a single word so he just nods and leans in to jer

and that‘s the story of their first ever kiss

it‘s also the story why jean calls jer „mon étoile“

#all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the king’s men #jeremy knox #jean moreau #jerejean #headcanon #jeremy knox x jean moreau

[owlsoldwritingcorner]

The Ghost (Part 1)

Pairing :Wrench x Reader

AO3 Link

Summary:

The Chicago Dedsec branch struck up a deal with the San Fran Dedsec branch and the two will start working more closely from now on. The Chicago branch also believes that giving a few people from their “clean up” crew would help out the other branch significantly and luckily for both of them, you happened to already be moving to San Francisco with your family.

Funny enough. You meet the man who unintentionally coaxed you into joining Dedsec in the first place.

“Wait, hold up. As in, The Ghost? The one who helped out The Fox?” “They say whenever you took a job, the victims would disappear without a trace. A recording of their crying would be left on the premise, acting as their ghost wails.” “Oh, am I a household name already? Oh, how embarrassing.”

Note: This is the first Watch dogs fic I've written so I'm sorry if anyone seems too OOC. One big difference would be that Marcus's group doesn't kill unless absolutely necessary. Aiden and Reader on the other hand are a bit more... Morally Ambiguous at times.ALSO! Reader is Asian (Specifically Southeast Asian), I try my best to to mention it too often (Mostly with their family and a passing comment) so you guys can still relate to them more. Also, certain characters will have their own pronouns for reader cuz they don't know (i.e Marcus says He/him but Ray calls them She/her). They also have a certain kind of body type similar to mine, but like the race, it won't be mentioned too often! Different pronouns will be like this until a certain point so I am sorry if you aren't into that!

Chapter 1: Moving Day

God, who fuckin’ knew moving was gonna be hell on your back? You had already packed everything from your room and started helping your family with the rest of the packing up. Boxes are now your worst goddamn enemy, at this point a close second to Blume.

So, the Chicago Dedsec branch struck up a deal with the San Fran Dedsec branch and the two will start working more closely from now on. The Chicago branch also believes that giving a few people from their “clean up” crew would help out the other branch significantly and luckily for both of them, you happened to already be moving to San Francisco with your family.

“Hey pumpkin, could you get some of these boxes for me?” Your mother comes into the room, interrupting your glaring battle with the room full of boxes (of which you were totally winning), with a tower of even more boxes in her arms. Quickly, you took half of the stacked boxes in her arms and placed them with the pile, you can now see her tired eyes that were previously covered by cardboard.

“Thank you, pumpkin. My arms were killing me,” Your mother emphasized her point by stretching out her arms and a few popping noises accompanied the movements. “So, how are you feeling about the move? I know we’ve lived in this house since you were a baby but… A change of scenery is always nice. Right?” You let out a little sigh. You really are going to miss those places you’d go to as a kid. The Honeymoon Cafe, that Thai restaurant, hell you’re gonna miss that damn dog that would bark through the night every day.

“Plus you can always make new friends over there!” You know your mom was trying to comfort you but, making friends was never your strong suit in the first place. Plus…

“Mom, I’m 20 years old now.”

“Just cause you’re 20 it doesn’t mean you can’t make friends.”

“I take classes online and stay inside for weeks straight half the time. The other half being at work. ” Work being, well, Dedsec. Clients always preferred going at night. Granted, cleaning up the area during the day is much harder than at night considering all the bystanders during these jobs.

“Oh! You should be able to make friends with your new coworkers at the other branch then! Speaking of work, that reminds me, sweetie. Make sure to bring mace with you whenever you get back home. I don’t know why you’re so adamant on keeping this job, you work so late!” It’s not like mace is gonna fully stop someone. Especially not the kinds of guys you deal with on the daily.

“It plays really well!” Might not have insurance, but, still. Clients pay good money. “And anyway, by that logic, you should have been able to make friends with your old coworkers too.”

“That’s different, honey. I hated my old coworkers.” She gave you a sweet smile but you could feel the rage that was hidden underneath. But you just rolled your eyes.

“Yep. Had an earful of that info everyday. Thanks.”

“You’re seriously just as bad as mom now when it comes to complaining, sis.” Your aunt finally came out of the bathroom and was currently heading towards your grandmother's room to help her out of bed.

“They could barely organize their files! Madeline couldn’t even train me properly!” You and your aunt just gave each other a knowing look before giving your mom little nods as she went off on another tangent about her coworkers. After that whole spiel, you finally got around to carrying your sweet pit bull, Ripley, into the car trunk (All the boxes were in the moving truck just behind you all).

“God, she’s just a big baby, aren’t you?” Your mom baby talked to the big dog often, who in turn gave a happy bark as if saying ‘I am! You gotta love me!’, your mother then turned to you. “I’m still shocked you can carry her so easily like that… She’s as big as you!” To which you just shrugged. Finally, your aunt came, grandma in one hand and helped the elder woman in the car before taking her seat next to grandma.

“I guarantee you’re gonna love it in California, mauppy.” Your aunt said. She did live in California for almost ten years now, so she was the expert compared to the rest of you. You just rolled your eyes at the nickname and another one of these ‘hey new places to live but you’ll love it!’ talk.

“I think Uncle Scott is gonna be the happiest out of all of us, he’s gonna have his impulse control back.”

“Yeah, he ate two large pizzas by himself in under an hour just the other night.”

“I don’t see what’s wrong, that’s just a Tuesday night.”

“Sweetie. I’m going to marry him in a couple months. Next thing you know he can’t even fit into his tux and just have his whole gut out while we say our vows.” You wince at the image. Yeah that… That looks kind of sad.

“ Next thing you know you’ll have to roll around your husband to his clients !” Your grandmother joked around before taking a puff of her inhaler. You all laughed at the thought before you quietly checked your purse for your daily asthma meds and inhaler.

Good. Everything is ready to go.

Goodbye, Home.

Hello, San Francisco.

As you fell asleep during the road trip, you dreamt of a familiar masked man.

You smiled at the image of his hidden face.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, it was time to move everything in the new house. Just as you got out of the car, you stood still as if the ice queen herself froze you.

Both your legs were asleep.

“Aw, while your legs are waking up, make sure to help Ripley get used to the new house!” Your aunt said as she helped grandma from the car, you let out a pained groan that your aunt took as an affirmative sound.

After all the boxes were in the house and you got the dog’s bed in your room, you flopped onto your bed. Exhausted to the bone. Unfortunately, you just received a text message. Limply, you flipped yourself over and reached for your phone.

Oh, It’s Clara!

It's been a couple years since you’ve seen her. She and Aiden finally got together soon after the whole Damien and Maurice situation, moving in with Aiden’s sister and nephew. Good riddance, they always gave each other googly eyes.

So gross.

Wonder how he’s doing now?

You let out an exasperated huff at the memory.

Yeah but like… The man has a justice boner sometimes. Not literally but, he tried to catch every. Single. Crime  he walks past. That man has never relaxed a day in his life.

Someone got robbed on the street over? Guess who’s already there. The almighty masked vigilante! The man’s probably never relaxed a day in his life, hell, you never even seen the dude take a nap.

God… You already missed Chicago.

You put your phone on charge on top of the nightstand near your bed, turning off the lights and finally getting into bed to sleep off all the work.

Tomorrow is going to be a long ass day.

You can feel it in your gut.

#Watch Dogs #watch dogs 2 #wrench x reader #reader insert #clara lille #My writing

[i-used-to-wear-the-fedora]

I JUST SAW IT CHAPTER 2 AND!!!

GOOD. LOVED IT. 10/10 WOULD ADD TO MY HORROR MOVIE COLLECTION!!

Not as good as the first but there were actually somethings I liked better about this movie! Why? Well:

1.) That opening scene almost physically hurt to watch. They talked about how in (the book) universe a lot of things like hate crimes were looked over. Only instead of Mike's parents at an all black bar, instead it's a gay couple who were beaten for being open.

2.) Pennywise doesn't just go after kids, he goes after people who are ignored so the opening hurt even more.

3.) MIKE!! His character was so glossed over in the first movie?? A lot of his book traits were given to Ben and they didn't really mention his backstory in the first movie save pennywise tormenting him. It was so good to see him bring the force that holds everyone together.

4.) Speaking of Ben: him and Beverly are freaking adorable. I love every scene where they're reconnecting and getting closer. It's the cutest.

5.) The ending being bad in all of Bill's books is obviously referencing how people view Stephen King's endings (especially It's). So that's pretty meta.

6.) Speaking of: Stephen King has a cameo in this. I like to believe he's a human incarnation of the turtle God that knocked Pennywise to Earth. Why? Because Stephen King.

7.) Beverly deserved better. I'm glad she finally got a happy ending with Ben after all the shit she had to go through. I'm glad she left that fuckwit she married.

8.) Eddie married a woman almost exactly like his mom. I love him as a character but that....yikes.

9.) Richie grew up to be a comedian because of course. But it'd be nice if we didn't see him vomit so much (that's something I'd expect more out of adult Eddie).

10.) Bill is...James MacAvoy. Yeah out of all the actors I think he was the weakest. Except at the really emotional points (like with Georgie) all I saw was James MacAvoy trying to force an American accent.

11.) THE REVELATION BILL WASN'T ACTUALLY SICK AND JUST DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY ON THAT DAY WITH GEORGIE BREAKS MY HEART!

12.) While I'm not complaining, remember the first film's cold open where a child was violently ripped apart and eaten by Pennywise? There wasn't anything nearly that graphic this time around. It either cutting away or a comically large blood splatter covering it up. Not complaining but I bet they had to deal with a few more censors this time.

SPOILER TERRITORY!!!

13.) In the first ten minutes Stanley kills himself because he can't deal with the trauma and I really like this change from the books. At the end when everyone's reading the letters he left for them I almost started to cry.

14.) Richie's story arc killed me. We find out the secret he was hiding is that he's gay and had a crush on Eddie. At the very end when he finishes writing their initials together on the bridge I was in tears.

15.) EDDIE DIED AND RICHIE TRYING TO WAKE HIM UP TO GET OUT, JESUS FUCK, WHY????

16.) Why was Henry Bowers in this movie? What purpose did he serve? I know he's a racist asshole but he never specifically helped develop the plot or add to Mike's character development. They could've just used Pennywise in his scenes.

17.) The plus of Henry Bowers side plot? Undead Patrick Hockstetter (the bully Pennywise ate in the first movie) acting as his undead get away driver. I thought that was hilarious.

18.) There was more comedy in this film. Not a bad thing care sometimes it was funny (specifically undead Patrick) but other times like the Lepper vomiting on Eddie as music plays in the background or the unintentionally creepy kid just kind of died on arrival. It actually reminded me a little of what happened in Happy Death Day 2.

Overall tho?? WATCH THIS MOVIE!! I LOVED IT SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE THE LOSERS CLUB GROW UP AND MOVE ON!!

#it #it 2017 #it 2019 #it chapter two #it ch 2 spoilers #it ch 1 #it chapter ii #pennywise #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #bill denbrough #stanley uris #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #the losers club #i loved it #despite it's flaws

[cryptovalid]

The Rise of Skywalker is Bad, but I was wrong to expect any better (and it’s not as bad as I expected, either)

If the title did not give it away, I’m conflicted about Star Wars Episode IX: the Rise of Skywalker. I just saw it in theatres, and I thought it was bad, but I can’t muster up any scorn or outrage. It’s just like the popcorn I ate: bland and forgettable, and somewhat stale. I guess it helps I was never a huge Star Wars fan at any time. I’ve seen every movie in the series, except for Solo. but I’ve not seen any of them more than once or twice. In short, I’ve always thought of Star Wars as Fine, but also massively overrated. I believe the interesting concepts in A New Hope and the Empire Strikes Back were squandered by first George Lucas, and then J.J. Abrams.

 I can’t say that Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi was my favorite Star Wars movie, but it was without a doubt the least compromised of all the other entries. It had something to say whether fans liked it or not. It wasn’t meandering, self-indulgent and uncanny like Lucas’ prequels, and did not take the original trilogy as unassailable gospel the way JJ Abrams does. I did not like the pacing or how Poe and Finn’s characters seemed less central to the story, but I understand why Rian Johnson focused on Rey’s interactions with Luke. The message of the Last Jedi was bold and challenging for fans: the Force is for Everyone and fans are wrong to obsess over the royalist eugenics and power fantasies in the original trilogy. Johnson wanted to focus on some of the more challenging aspects of war: loss, betrayal, and failure. Not everyone liked that, but for all that it did to sideline my favorite new characters, Finn and Poe, that was a daring and worthwhile statement to make.  

That said, I expected Disney to fully backtrack, given the way TLJ was received. So expectations were not high. Watching RoS is a strange experience. It’s kind of fun but also profoundly unoriginal and hackneyed. But given how similar it is to the Original Trilogy, it just made me realize that Star Wars was never as good as I imagined it was (or could be?). For Rise of Skywalker to be actually great, it would have to Rise (pardon the pun) above its predecessors. Which obviously it didn’t.  

 From here on there be Spoilers for SWIX: ROS

Let’s talk nuts and bolts. This movie is a random remix  of setpieces and McGuffins, artificially raised stakes and callbacks and hommages to the Orginal Trilogy. There’s a thing the heroes need to find the resurrected Emperor, and 80% of the movies is just a huge wild goose chase that also involves Kyle Ron stalking Rey to convince her to rule to galaxy with him. Then there’s a bunch of Death Stars and  confrontation with the Emperor. It’s all quite well paced, shot and scored, and even though I am highly critical of both the stilted dialogue and the uninspired plotting, the film is at least entertaining to watch. It is frequently funny and tense, sometimes unintentionally. And this, looking back, is really all that Star Wars can really claim to be. It’s an all-ages action comedy about war with some fantasy and sci fi for flavor and that’s really all that Star Wars has ever been.   

I had an epiphany as I watched Kyle Ron’s redemption and the messages around the Dark and Light Side. I was first struck by the fact that they are really the same story beats as the original trilogy, with some details changed that merely made it more obvious how hypocritical, lazy and thematically inconsistent these ideas have been from the beginning. Redeeming Darth Vader was always a cheap copout. He is a mass-murderer whose last action is sacrificing his life to kill the Emperor. He never really reckons with his many, many crimes. 

It becomes slightly grosser when Kyle Ron has one warm moment with his mom before she dies, a near-death experience and a peptalk from the dad he murdered, murders a bunch of goons, and sacrifices himself to save Rey’s life. For this, Rey immediately not only forgives him for the mass kidnappings, genocide, torture and the many times he threatened, gaslit and assaulted her, but immediately kisses him. It’s such a gendered framing of redemption that basically reproduces the views that narcissists and abusers have about relationships: that you can treat others like literal dogshit and redeem yourself with a single grand gesture of self-sacrifice. I’ve talked about the Martyr Dad before on this account, but making it a romantic thing is so much worse. This is the cycle of abuse to a T.

In terms of the Light Side Versus the Dark Side, Star wars has always wanted its cake and to eat it too. On the one hand, it wants to suggest that the Light Side is a fundamentally morally opposed way of living focused on ‘Knowledge and Defense‘, that striking a Sith down in Anger is something the Light Side can not abide, but in the end, the Light Side always wins because the Sith are violently killed. It always feels like a convenient loophole that Darth Vader throws the Emperor into a nearby pit so that Luke doesn’t need to get his hands dirty. All the more so when the resurrected Emperor literally has his own Force Lightning reflected into his face by Rey’s dual wielding two Skywalker Lightsabers+3. It’s cheap. It’s moral sofistry with the gratification of a power fantasy.

You might have noticed I’ve said nothing about my soft boys, Poe and Finn, or Rose Tycho for that matter. That’s because they’re not important to the overarching story. They could easily have been cut from the film without significantly altering the story. They pad the runtime. They’re charming and funny as always and the writers give them stuff to do in every act, but it’s not the A-plot. The story is partially about Kyle Ron having an admittedly well-acted but very hackneyed redemption arc that is sure to please fans of the character but doesn’t involve in any sense an understanding that he has hurt billions of people. His redemption is exclusively about his parents, who are the only people he’s hurt that are worth mentioning in this context. The other part is the revelation that Rey does have a special lineage: she’s Palpatine’s granddaughter. This is why she’s powerful and also why she’s tempted by the dark side. 

If the message of TLJ was ‘we’re all equals in the eyes of the force‘, ROS is basically a massive apology for even entertaining that idea, and reaffirms that all the important characters are related by blood to characters from the original trilogy and all the rest are also there, I guess. If you’ve ever thought that you could be as strong in the force as Luke or Kylo or Rey, you are a fool. After all, your parents weren’t Force Royalty. You thought a person of color or a non-force user could be the key to defeating fascism? You thought main characters could be anything other than straight? Utter simpleton, you. You thought redeeming yourself from mass-murder was difficult, or that the Jedi were flawed just like every other organisation? Nah mate, the bad guys wear black robes and we totally fucked them up with laser swords and heavy ordinance. 

Don’t worry, white hetero superfan looking for a power fantasy that doesn’t challenge your beliefs or moral superiority. Your priorities and fixations are our script editor. We’re sorry, Disney appears to say with this movie, that we would ever suggest there was anything more to Star Wars as a franchise. We promise, she may be a girl, but in all other respects, she’s just like Luke now. Except this time, Luke is hot and totally into your edgy dark side.

Ok, I’m sorry, that’s just the bitter shipper in me. Finn deserved better. He deserved to be a main character. A love interest. His redemption was never fully framed as such, nor did he ever really get credit for being a consistently supportive, relatable, honorable character with the scintillating charisma of John Boyega. Despite being literally raised as a child soldier, he was never seen as a good example of redemption and somehow, he was not considered a main character. This is, I believe, the greatest waste of this trilogy.

Fuck the idea of a Dynasty of the Force. Fuck Eugenics. Fuck this idea that your birth is what makes you powerful. It is weak. It is lazy. It is boring. 

I had such high hopes after Episode VII, despite it being derivative. It appeared in that moment that Finn could be love interest for both Rey and Poe. Perhaps even at the same time! I imagined the climax of this trilogy would be all about Finn growing from a deserter unsure that he could ever make a difference, to becoming a true hero. I imagined the heroes facing the First Order in their darkest hour, when all is lost. I imagined them being rescued by defecting Stormtroopers, painting their helmets with three vertical red stripes in honour of the First Traitor. I imagined my boy Finn leading a legion of traitors, proving that all it takes to defeat fascism is to reject it and inspire others to do the same. 

But of course, that hope was foolish. I shouldn’t have expected good storytelling from a series that pays lip service to non-violence and redemption while handling both as cheap, esthetic elements rather than actual narrative commitments.

#SW IX #Rise of Skywalker #Star Wars Criticism #Finn positive #Finnrey #Finnpoe #Anti reylo

[geejaysmith]

Kat and I have amazing conversations sometimes and I felt they had to be shared. Also, alienfuckers, dad jokes, Maxwell’s alternative lifestyle and other headcanons, and Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition. Full transcript under the cut.

Gill [Yesterday at 6:05 PM]: On an Unrelated topic: after the finale the crew remembers "OH YEAH, EIFFEL ACTUALLY HAD A FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATION WITH ALIENS" and now in addition to all the other reasons to want him to Remember they're really freakin' curious to know how that went

Kat [Yesterday at 6:11 PM]: Minkowski: so what did they look like Eiffel: me (They do seem to like his body, they had a few models to choose from when talking to Cutter.)

Gill [Yesterday at 6:13 PM]: Eiffel, probably: at least the aliens think I'm cool I know what was meant by that but your phrasing made me think "In a shocking turn of events, it is the aliens who are attracted to the human." The aliens... are alienfuckers

Kat [Yesterday at 6:17 PM]: I don't think that's their jam but that WOULD be just his luck

Gill [Yesterday at 6:18 PM]: It is unlikely, but also: it would be hilarious

Kat [Yesterday at 6:21 PM]: the aliens keep sending me mental sexts and i crave death

Gill [Yesterday at 6:22 PM]: And lo another shitpost transforms into a fanfic concept, like a humble irradiated lizard becoming Godzilla: "would you fuck your clone?"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: leave him alone has the man not suffered enough

Gill [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: No

Kat [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: sigh

Gill [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: Dance for my amusement, Douglas And also because I earnestly suspect that in the case of Eiffel and an interested alien-consciousness-in-the-form-of-a-Xerox-copy-of-him the answer would end up being "yes"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:34 PM]: idk i feel like it'd be more like "Oh what you spend two fucking years trying to drag us into the star because you can't be assed to make an appearance but you'll teleport across the galaxy for a booty call? Fuck you and I mean that figuratively" later sluts

Gill [Yesterday at 6:36 PM]: Bob is a bad datemate Is this entire train of thought brought on by the fact I still think of the person who expressed they shipped Bob/Eiffel in the tags of the "Take your double to Disneyland" post? Perhaps

Kat [Yesterday at 6:39 PM]: i don't know that you can have this at the same time as 'what if the aliens' bodies are still the people suppressed' without it getting Fucked Up but that's your perogative I guess as long as I don't have to hear about it family can't walk w me tonight so i need to hit the treadmill for a bit. ttyl

Gill [Yesterday at 6:41 PM]: See u in a bit! But ah yes, I hadn't thought of that til you brought it up Points at one explanation of Dear Listener manifestations for some ideas, points at a different explanation for ideas that would become unintentionally Pretty Fucked Up under the first explanation Although there is comedy potential to be found in Eiffel and Eiffel-2 having the "are we down with this" conversation In the /Justin McElroy voice, "someone just discovered they have ~the world's worst fetish~" sense

Kat [Yesterday at 7:33 PM]: a different terrible concept: eiffel with his pop culture references restored will likely be called upon to testify at the united nations

Gill [Yesterday at 7:37 PM]: O h  g o d Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition

Kat [Yesterday at 7:46 PM]: i mean they're gonna have to tell the world SOMEHOW and i'd think the international court would want to know and he's the one with the subconscious recall implanted sidenote if the DL can do that mental transfer could they have just... asked them to reupload whatever their most recent scan of eiffel was there are so many ways around this that's why it failed to get much of an emotional rxn from me

Gill [Yesterday at 7:47 PM]: Minkowski and Lovelace trying to get him to practice his testimony bc if they hit enough subconscious recall triggers they can at LEAST get thru an explanation of the aliens without Eiffel going off into a tangent Once they're off the Dear Listeners' script though all bets are off

Kat [Yesterday at 7:48 PM]: here's a list of preplanned questions your honor we're not responsible if you ask anything else

Gill [Yesterday at 7:51 PM]: Eiffel, maybe: now Goddard didn't send up us there to bring home any xenomorphs but let me tell you, with the Decima project? They might as WELL have let a facehugger get up close and personal with me The translators rapidly swapping notes on late 70's sci-of cinema because a handful of them actually know what he's talking about

Kat [Yesterday at 7:54 PM]: Minkowski headdesking behind him Eiffel English isn't most of these people's first languages

Gill [Yesterday at 7:57 PM]: The news cameras are all dead-focused on Eiffel. He's hit his stride and is picking up steam. "And it was right around the time I was coughing up my liquefied respiratory system that I thought to myself, gee, I'd MUCH rather get a face of alien wing-wong than deal with this!" Minkowski is off to the side. She is visibly restraining herself. No poker face in the world can hide how hard she is longing for death. Whether it is hers or Eiffel's is a subject of contentious debate.

Kat [Yesterday at 7:58 PM]: someone at an elementary school: hey Garcia, is that your dad

Gill [Yesterday at 8:01 PM]: Anne, who was four the last time she saw her father in person, gets one look at the man weaving an intricate Star Wars metaphor out of crimes against humanity and recognizes him instantly, but signs back "I have never seen this guy before in my life."

Kat [Yesterday at 8:04 PM]: good call kiddo

============

Gill [Yesterday at 8:10 PM]: Honestly I love the concept that no matter how much Eiffel may drive them up the wall sometimes the rest of the crew would meet Anne and immediately be ready to kill a man for her sake

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: as far as we know he's the only crewmember with kids women in the military... it wouldn't be easy even if you wanted one, which idk if any of them did

Gill [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: Wait wait, brainwave: it is actually AMAZING that Minkowski had no idea Eiffel had a child because... does he seem like the kind of guy. Who would ever resist a Dad Joke.

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: haha fair

Gill [Yesterday at 8:16 PM]: Eiffel: Actually, I have amazing self-restraint when I choose to exercise it. (Various noises of disbelief.) Eiffel: have you ever heard me tell a dad joke? No? I rest my case

Kat [Yesterday at 8:21 PM]: biggest plot hole of the series more like it was too painful a memory but still

Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM]: If he ever patches that connection it'll open the floodgates

Kat [Yesterday at 8:26 PM]: He'll become the Maes Hughes of the gang, except with fewer war crimes

Gill [Yesterday at 8:27 PM]: ...has anyone on this crew done war crimes? SI-5 excepted of course, they have obviously done war crimes

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: yeah SI5 is war crime central I'm not sure about some of the other stuff executing a prisoner? idk about Minkowski

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Also my thought

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: she wasn't a formal pow though it was an ongoing engagement I don't know the rules

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Minkowski Has Done One (1) War Crime (Goddard Futuristics attempts to bring that against her in the court case only for Maxwell to stroll in like lol what's up gang)

Kat [Yesterday at 8:37 PM]: does Goddard in its current incarnation last long enough to sue anyone i mean i think you could sue them for attempted genocide

Gill [Yesterday at 8:38 PM]: Look I have had one semester of business law You were the one who almost went to law school Also re: other characters being parents, the only one I could see going kiiiinda either way on the subject is Lovelace and it wouldn't have been terribly high on her priority list prior to the Hephaestus mission I can see characters having the opinion that they could see Minkowski as a mom but she and her husband both strike me as understanding themselves and one another as being more career-oriented

Kat [Yesterday at 8:44 PM]: yeah if she wanted to rise in the ranks of the military... that would probably be a strike against her

Gill [Yesterday at 8:44 PM] And the implication she's got a Complex about her parents having both left promising careers to raise her Also, Lovelace: Well I always said I could see myself settling down someday, maybe have a family if I met the right person, but when I took the job with Goddard it was legally dubious whether I could actually do that- Eiffel: Because you're an alien? Eiffel: Eiffel: ...wait a sec

Kat [Yesterday at 8:54 PM]: ha It's ok to be gay in space

Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM]: Alternatively it's Hera who said that bc didn't connect those dots right away, meanwhile Eiffel saw Lovelace in a flannel shirt once and Knew Immediately Eiffel may be dumb but somehow his Bi-Fi has yet to fail him

Kat [Yesterday at 8:59 PM]: Hera doesn't grasp  human sexuality nuances

Gill [Yesterday at 9:01 PM]: Funny addition to above thought: Eiffel put together that Jacobi was gay after like three days on the Urania, was the only one on the Hephaestus crew to do so, and just never felt it was relevant to bring up Hera, my child... you have much to learn (Also, Hera, probably: I'm experimenting at the moment, I'm looking for a torrent so I can download lesbianism)

Kat [Yesterday at 9:04 PM]: I don't know which option is funnier, that Jacobi is just Really Fucking Obvious but Eiffel was the only one paying attention or that it was super subtle and everyone's like How Did You Do That lovelace's righteous fury overwhelmed her gaydar, she was too mad to go 'same hat'

Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Eiffel: I have something to confess to all of you... Jacobi: Eiffel literally not a single person on this ship is straight Eiffel: Oh I was just going to recount a PG version of my wild younger days, let's just say I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Jacobi on Earth: Just matched with myself on Grinder a-fucking-GAIN

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM]: Jacobi: Oh I definitely picked up on it but who wants to go playing into stereotypes by speculating on what may or may not be a promiscuous history? Eiffel: Promiscuous? Look I've got notches in my belt but mostly I just ended up laying in somebody's bathtub at a house party while just conscious enough to nod along to someone else's relationship drama. Eiffel: to several sororities, I was the Gay Bathtub Wizard.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:11 PM]: Maxwell on day one of orientation: So if SI5 is paramilitary what's their stance on alternative lifestyles? Jacobi: I was recruited in a gay bar.

Gill [Yesterday at 9:12 PM]: Her asking the question has my brain going in several different directions

Kat [Yesterday at 9:13 PM]: I think she was recruited right after dadt was repealed... if obama exists in this universe fantasy obama

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: One part of my brain: Maxwell is also gay Another part of my brain: Maxwell is exclusively attracted to nonhuman persons Yet another part of my brain, most adjacent to number #2: Maxwell voice, who in their right mind would build a robot that can't fuck? The 4th part of my brain: Maxwell wants to know how chill they'll be with her living exclusively off energy drinks and frozen yogurt for weeks at a time

Kat [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: honestly I figured whatever it was it was MUCH weirder than just being gay

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: Maxwell: I have plans to take over the world with my army of battle bots and rule as their robot queen.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Maxwell: wait if you were recruited in a gay bar does that mean our boss frequents those or did he just go there to get you Jacobi: Believe me the question haunts me also Jacobi: sounds great i'm in

Gill [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Or, Maxwell: I am not joking for an instant when I say that I for one welcome our alien overlords "When I was 13 I tried to get myself abducted by aliens" except it's not a joke it's an actual minor headcanon of mine Also I almost typed "adopted" rather than "abducted" which shows you why Alana would probably want to do that

Kat [Yesterday at 9:19 PM]: she did say she's on bad terms with her family

Gill [Yesterday at 9:20 PM]: She grew up a pastor's kid in a tiny rural town in Montana, hearing that they don't get along is the furthest thing from a surprise to me. The surprise is that Maxwell has a restraining order against them

Kat [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: tht implies the court found reasonable cause to issue one wack anyway i had a long day, i'm gonna call it a night

Gill [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: o/ But yeah that Maxwell empathizes with nonhumans, apparently more than with most regular humans, that makes perfect sense to me I can see her frustration with the AI Ethics board in her last job Expressing Their Concerns and her suppressing flashbacks to many a Creationist rant, and trying to keep her eye from twitching visibly, and no I am not projecting I am just coloring in blank spaces in the narrative with my relevant life experience

#wolf 359 #conversations with kat #deliverusfromsburb

[katoptrjs]

Why I’m a Slytherin

I do most things for my own benefit, and I’m not afraid to admit that.

I never admit my faults though: “lol wtf i didn’t do that?/&/)1”

I’m nice to e v e r y b o d y. I’ll only be rude if you insult me. No insults = great friendship!!

I’m honest with my friends when they need it, but also comforting when I can tell they’re hurting.

I’m strangely interested in the mentally ill/disturbed?? Apparently that’s a common trait for Slytherins

I work smart, not just hard

I’m self-centered but I won’t admit it lol

I plan bomb-ass surprise parties

I freak out when something doesn’t go my way, because I’ve worked so hard (most of the time)

I remember things about my friends. Small things.

I have many passions and ambitions, and overwhelm myself with plans for the future sometimes

I fight for the people I love, and let go of the toxic people in my life. Even if it takes a while

Random creative stories, life plans and bucketlists come up in my mind at, like, 3 am

I unintentionally flirt with others... or intentionally, because I’m strange like that

I have so many inside jokes with my friends

I have creative-ass insults

r e v e n g e

I’m a great leader, but I often feel like I have too much responsibility on my shoulders

I break the rules, but only the stupid-ass ones. With caution, too

“what the fuck even is sleep”

I tend to push the limits to see how much I can get away with

Some of my closest friends don’t even know the shit I’ve done

I glance at people who are crying, and then walk away usually

I sit down, and just decide to be in a bad mood

I insult people (anybody, doesn’t matter) unintentionally, or even intentionally, if I’m mad

I stand up for MYSELF.

I’m living on this Earth for me, me and only me. If me and my friend are both dying, you already know I’m picking myself to save and leaving my friend there lol bye (i’d regret it though)

I believe I’m not good enough, but don’t tell anyone

The last pizza slice/cookie is mine. MINE BITCH

I fear rejection a fuck ton. I often feel like I’m not good enough, or that somebody would pick another over me, just ‘because’

I usually do things because people say I can’t, or because I know I’ll excel at it

I have more house pride than I do pride for anything else

I will 100% be salty to anybody if I’m not in the mood— even my friends

I won’t forgive you until you dealt with same pain I did

Respect is earned, not given away

I’ll break all your bones if you fuck with me or my friends

I’ll be nice, but just get to know me and I’ll annoy you soon enough lmao

“fuck, i didn’t study, can i copy your test answers later?”

^^ or, “i studied, but i forgot everything???”

I SWEAR SO FUCKING MUCH AND EVERYONE HATES IT SHITSHITSHIT

I couldn’t give less of a cowshit about the people who dislike me; that’s their fault

^^ but at the same time, I’m scared of people rejecting me, especially if I’ve warmed up to them, or if they didn’t even give me a chance

I talk out loud to myself sometimes

I’m stubborn (or persistent, if you will), and I usually don’t care who I’m affecting to get what I want

I love writing and playing the piano

Music is fucking therapy bro

My friends’ happiness is mine, but their success is my jealousy

^^ but I can also be your biggest cheerleader when you’re pursuing your dream

I act underhandedly. teehee

Not only do I want to be on top, I want to prevent others from getting there, too

When someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up, my answer is the same as it was when I was 5

I hate when people say “you don’t understand” to me

Saying “fuck this” after not understanding something, but never crying over it

Having abusive parents, but dealing with it. Never crying.

Making friends with somebody because they seem “like me”

Laughing slightly at other people’s problems when they rant to me. Only when it’s honestly stupid, though

I shower at fucking 10pm!!

I roll my eyes more than I breathe

I fight hard in arguments, and even harder when I know I’m wrong. Yes, wrong.

I either work all night on something, or don’t start it at all

I stand up for my friends when someone is doing them wrong

I’m a good listener when it comes to people’s problems, not ideas

I only keep my own secrets

I share people’s secrets to know others’

I hear more peoples’ secrets without revealing any of mine

Being angry for 2037281 fucking years after not getting what I want

“Do you swear? Because I do. Are you comfortable with that?”

LYING M A S T E R.

I come up with excuses, not apologies

I’ll shoot excuses at you until you believe I’m not guilty (when I really am)

I’m genuinely proud of my accomplishments

I hate being alone. I hate it. So fucking much. I need my beautiful friends in my life.

Ignorant people annoy me. They ask a dumb question, when the answer is obvious.

I can forgive, but I don’t forget. Ever. Who’s to say somebody won’t do the same mistake again?

Being envied high-key makes me happy, shit

I put so much work and effort into something I know people will be reacting to, so I can earn their praise

I can tell if somebody is lying right away

I’m a slut for (envious) compliments, and will push myself to get them

I talk about my problems, and then stop halfway through, because I think the person who’s listening thinks I’m boring/annoying them

“it’s okay. i want to die. but i mean, it’s okay”

I insult people more than usual when they’re not doing things the way I want them to. It’s normally as a joke, but the insult’s pretty harsh

“no one gives a shit about school.”

Not clapping for people I’m jealous of after they share something, because I ‘don’t think they deserve it’

I WILL NEVER ADMIT TO JEALOUSY

I’m the mom friend. But, the mom that tells others your secrets. Or, the mom that watches you like a hawk to ensure that you’re okay

I have just as much confidence as a Gryffindor, but for confrontation, not stupid things

If I want things done the right way, they’ll be done my way

I often say “shut up” to people when I have a really good point to make

I take advantage of others sometimes. But I do it so well that they don’t even notice.

I only work with others when I know I can’t do it by myself

I do things to people just to see them cry or get upset if I’m mad at them

Being pitied lets me get what I want. That’s why I act upset often

“Are you okay?”

(Me) “I’m fine”

(Me) “But, this one bitch said—“

I’ll probably tell you if you’re boring me

I’m charming, ngl. Like, everybody that I’ve liked has fucking liked me back. Wow

I’m still a good friend. When I feel like I’m slipping away from my friends, I’ll hang around them more, and let my guard down

^^ I don’t do that to continue hearing their secrets or whatever, but because I genuinely love them

My alignment is ‘neutral evil’ yeet

Laughing at someone who falls or messes up with their words, because their reaction is funny

I think of comebacks before I fucking cream someone in a roast battle

My arguments usually end with me saying: “it doesn’t matter what you fucking think anyway, you know you’re wrong.” or just simply “sure. fuck you.”

Emotional friends? I usually roll my eyes when they walk up to me, tears streaming down their face. I make sure they don’t see my reaction, though

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I’M MANIPULATIVE

I even ruin my fucking family’s day because I don’t get what I want from them

I want a tattoo. I will get a tattoo.

I gossip so goddamn much, but I cripple whenever I hear somebody talking about me badly

My first thought when someone upsets me is: “Kill them” lol bye

I don’t want power, I want the envy of others from having it.

I’m physical. Especially to the people I like

I’m a loyal friend, and often give my closest friends second chances. More than two, actually

I like coffee. Like

I have dark, straight hair

I’m so good at getting what I want, I even surprise myself

I do things to please others, because again, I fear rejection

I’m a different person when I’m alone— I can be more emotional

I’m more fun when I’m with others

I only cry when I have to

I turn everything into a competition; “she got applause? i’ll make sure that i get more.”

Green and silver aren’t my favourite colours, but I’m willing to say they are, because: house pride, baby

When manipulating people, if I ever feel bad, I’ll continue to manipulate them, because I’m too close to getting what I want to give up. << That makes me sound sociopathic, but if it’s a friend, I’ll most likely stop. Most likely

I tend to think of myself above others sometimes... oops

I let my guard down when I’m tired.

I’ve always feared being bullied, or being ‘not good enough’

Ya girl has fucking eye bags and pimples but doesn’t give a shit about them!!

^^ (yes I do)

I swear in front of friends who don’t like swearing, and then repeatedly say: “i didn’t say ‘fuck’, i said ‘frick’!” AND NOT NOTICING I JUST SWORE AGAIN LMFAO

I insulted these little kids hardcore once, just to earn laughs from my friends!/&2!:2 (they did it too, though)

“i don’t care if i’ve said it already, i’ll say it a-fucking-gain until you understand”

My parents are both Slytherins

I come up with a lot of ‘what if’ situations, and come up with the absolute worst thoughts

Scary movies are cool, but not when I’m alone

My dumbass lowkey laughs at scary shit sometimes

I TALK SO FAST BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO SAY

“welcome to my world, it’s called ‘i don’t give a fuck about you or your feelings’ ... ‘but if you’re my friend i’ll make sure you’re safe and happy bby’

I either comfort my friend when they’re sad to ensure that they’ll be okay after, or just leave them there to deal with it by themselves

I care about my friends feelings, and I want to make them (especially) laugh when they’re upset

Everything. I. Do. Is. For. My. Own. Benefit

I won’t admit that I like something because I don’t want to like something that a person I don’t like, likes (does that make sense?! who fucking cares lol)

I insult my friends more than others, because I think they can deal with it better

I make a good first impression, wanting to please people, because I fear rejection lolol

Water is a beautiful thing, and even though I can’t swim (lolol fuck) I love going to the beach and staying in the shallow end yeehaw

I overreact about something someone said/did because I’ve been wanting to snap at them all day

I’m chivalours, boi

“fucking hell, i dropped my fatass water bottle. shit.”

If someone drops something, I’ll stare at it until another person picks it up, instead of me picking it up

I’ll do nice things, because I’m not an *coughs* animal! I’m not all bad, yk

I’m popular. Are you jealous yet? LOL XD M8

When my friend tells me to do something, I’ll tell someone else to do it for me. Unless it’s something easy

I have second thoughts about being in Slytherin sometimes, and take the Pottermore quiz again, just to ensure myself

“lin, that’s unsafe”

“i know. that’s why i’m doing it”

I’m the most inappropriate, rude, dirty-minded, potty-mouthed of all my friends

I quote vines or people I love daily

Meeting my idols is huge for me, because I look up to them so fucking much

I don’t try out for certain teams because I know I’ll humiliate myself. I won’t say that’s the reason, though

I get ready for myself. I don’t care how shitty you think I look, because I think I look great, bitch

Doing something repeatedly after someone tells me I’m doing it wrong, or to stop doing it

“i can’t do it? watch me, asshole”

I’m always giving people attitude, sometimes unintentionally

I respect my teachers, because I don’t want to get in trouble. I just insult them quietly. Hardcore insults, though.

I fight for things I’m passionate about, and I’m not afraid to stand up for it even if I’m the only one supporting it

I won’t quit an argument until the other person admits that they’re wrong

I’m good at finding things (out)

I will purposely say: “they’re mad at me. but i don’t give a shit” to somebody, when my friend who’s mad at me is around

I do embarrassing things, and when I’m caught, I try not to show my embarrassment

I deal so well with pain, that you wouldn’t even know I was going through any if you looked at me

I don’t filter what I say. People don’t deserve the sugar-coated version of my insult

“i’m not rude, people are just too soft.”

Yes, I regret things. Yes, I apologize. Yes, I’m kind. But only to my friends, and anyone else whom I love with all of my heart

I guess you could say I pick my friends wisely

I struggle alone, hey hey hey!

I tell people the sugar-coated version of my problems, because I know if I told them the real version, they would call the police to take me to a new home or something

I know when to not do something, because I think about what would happen in the future

I know when to end a friendship, because it’s not benefiting me, mentally

I don’t feel bad when I’ve hurt people’s feelings when the insult really wasn’t that rude

I don’t really like learning, but I do when it’ll get me somewhere I want to be

#slytherinmemes #slytherin #slytherin things #slytherin traits #being a slytherin

[trashyslashers]

omg your HC for the legion gave me life. Would you kindly do them with their s/o who has a pretty silent walk? I am craving for HC with that prompt bc I do that all the time and my mom gets startled quite often with me sneaking up on her by accident. Already love your blog btw

I hope these are okay!

Frank:

Frank would find the fact that you were so quiet when walking pretty comical. He doesn’t startle easily at all, but you’ve managed to get him a few times. Usually it would be when you needed something and went to him but he was too busy fiddling around with a mixtape or whatever to hear you come up behind him.

He’d make some jokes about it; comments here and there about how you could probably sneak up behind someone and kill them and they wouldn’t even know you were coming. Sometimes he’d sound a little too serious about it, much to your concern (assuming this is pre-entity realm).

You’ll always remember the time you got him particularly bad. You needed his help opening something and you forgot how quiet you were when walking, so when you approached him from behind and laid your hand on his shoulder you were not expecting him to yelp like that and basically jump out of his skin. You couldn’t help but laugh.

He’d grow used to it after awhile, pretty much becoming immune to any jumpscare (intentional or not) that came from you. If you were ever with him and the others then he may try to bribe you into sneaking up on one of them, but it’s entirely up to you whether you do or not. Your quiet way of walking would just become another thing he loved about you.

Julie:

Julie, for whatever reason, is almost impossible to startle, so your quiet way of walking wouldn’t pose too much of a problem. You may catch her slightly off guard if you came up silently behind her, but she’d be able to brush it off right away.

When your relationship first started, you did manage to accidentally startle her at one point. You wanted to show her some meme you found, so you found her while she was brushing her hair out. She was more focused on her task than paying attention to much else, so when you popped in with a “Hey, Jules-” she jumped and whirled around, her wide eyes meeting your own, her hand to her chest.

She’s pretty alert and attentive to her surroundings, so more often than not she’d get the feeling that you were there and would turn to greet you. Even though most of the time your quietness was unintentional, if she managed to foil any sort of intentional jumpscare she’d chuckle, she thought it was cute.

Susie:

I think Susie would also have a fairly silent walk, I see her as being pretty nimble and lightweight. She’s definitely had times where she’d unintentionally startle someone because they didn’t hear her coming up behind them. You both could laugh with each other and share stories of times you’ve accidentally scared someone.

However, Susie is pretty easy to startle. Like, ridiculously easy. The others have managed to scare her a few times and they aren’t even remotely as quiet as you are. If you were to come up behind her and startle her, unintentionally or not, she’s the kind of person who’d jump in place with a sharp yelp or an “Oh, my god!”

If she managed to startle you at any point, she’d feel a bit bad about it at first and apologize a bunch until you assured her that you were fine. After that though she wouldn’t be able to hold back any giggles, she thought that the way you jumped at her sudden hello was adorable.

Joey:

Like Frank, he’d find it pretty funny. It was another unique trait that you had that he loved.

He’s kind of in between Frank and Susie on the scale of jumpiness, some days he’d fall victim to your quiet steps more than others. If you walked into the room and he didn’t notice you, you could probably take advantage of the situation and actually try to scare him. I have this somewhat random HC that Joester is a pretty ticklish guy so if you managed to poke him in the sides or somethin’ like that it would really catch him off guard but he’d laugh about it.

If you ever felt bad about accidentally sneaking up and startling him, he’d pull you into a tight hug and tell you not to worry about it. He’d jokingly ask if you’d like for him to try and get you back sometime as revenge.

#request #dbd x reader #the legion #frank morrison #julie #susie #joey

[artificialqueens]

I keep closing my eyes but I can’t block you out (vixaria): chapter two - melody

A/N: Sooooo, I took a long time for updating and for writing shit in general, I’M SO SORRY :(((. School got back and it literally killed all my creativity, and I got a huge ass creative block. It’s still hard to write, and I didn’t putted all of me on this chapter bc I was tired so I apologize again, because I wish I did better.

Thanks to the lovely @ artificialmillie for proof reading this, they’re amazing, send them love!!!! Hope you enjoy x

It had been about thirty minutes, Vixen was sitting on a pretty and retro yellow couch, fidgeting with the buttons of her denim jacket and looking slightly uncomfortable and nervous. It wasn’t that her date was late or something, but her friends made her up thirty minutes before, in order to make sure everything could eventually be a success.

The problem was that she wanted to give up at the moment she came through the bowling alley door; dating wasn’t her strong spot - neither was bowling. Vixen didn’t need even to know the girl, but she knew everything would never be a fairy tale.

She promised her friends - and herself - that she would try, so that was what she was doing there. Maybe it could be just a date, and then they would never meet again. Or, just a tiny fling that would end in two weeks, or last. Vixen was convinced that she could control that, and predict everything.

What was actually bothering her was the noise. The bowling ball rolling on the track and tipping the pins made more noise than she thought, but all the people talking out loud was a thing she didn’t predict. She massaged her temples trying to amenize the huge headache she felt it was coming, while some dude yelled more and more with his friends about winning that round.

Her eyes almost jumped out of her face by the way she widened her eyes in surprise. The reason of her reaction was a certain blonde girl walking through the same door Vixen walked through in pure confusion, but the difference was that Aquaria was all smiley and confident - and you really couldn’t say the same about Vixen.

Aquaria’s steps in Vixen’s direction looked like in slow motion. The blue and purple neon lights of the place pleased her figure, making Vixen hypnotized by every step she was taking. But internally, she was overthinking. Her date would never be Aquaria, Asia wouldn’t be that bitch, or fate wouldn’t be so ridiculous at that point, right?

It looked like the blonde girl was confused too, because she raised one eyebrow to her and waved clumsily. Vixen waved back, biting her lip in contemplation to Aquaria - who now was stopped in front of her.

‘’Oh my god, hi! Remember me?’’

‘’How could I forget?! We ended a bitch together.’’

Aquaria laughed, the sound of her laugh was as charming as Vixen could’ve imagined it was. But not just the way she laughed, the way she tucked her hair under her ear while doing it added a ton of cuteness as well.

‘’I didn’t know you liked bowling,’’ Aquaria took a seat at her side, ‘’but you’re not the person that I see walking alone, I mean, you’re so gorgeous and cool, who would leave you? What happened?’’

‘’Actually, Miss Aquaria, I like to be alone sometimes! But when I’m not alone, my friends practically force me to go out on a da-’’

Vixen couldn’t end her sentence because the blonde at her side yelled, putting both her hands on her mouth. She didn’t even know her, why she was that acting excited? Maybe Aquaria was just a very witty person, and Vixen was too bitter for social interaction anyways.

‘’Oh my god, me too!’’

‘’No way!’’ Vixen raised one eyebrow, figuring out everything. ‘’Don’t tell me the person who arranged you this date is named…’’

‘’The girl with a continent name? Asia?’’

Damn Asia! She probably walked around the whole university area asking for a girl named Aquaria for that date. Well, finding a girl named Aquaria wouldn’t be that hard, so Vixen assumed giving Asia her name was a bad idea.

‘’That’s my friend… Jesus, I’m sorry!’’ Vixen put one hand on her face. ‘’Looks like I’m your date tonight.’’

Aquaria’s blue eyes sparkled with Vixen’s words, she didn’t look upset like Vixen thought she would be. ‘’I’m very satisfied with it… And this is cool because we aren’t strangers.’’

‘’But we are strangers…’’

She doesn’t want to take away the spark of Aquaria’s eyes. But, suddenly, a sad face replaced the excited countenance she had seconds ago.

‘’I mean, not total strangers at all…’’

Vixen decided to give her a try. She wouldn’t make Aquaria sad in that way, it was just a date, dammit. She seemed nice, and Vixen would have to deal with that date no matter who was with her. Actually, she was kind of happy it was Aquaria - she didn’t know why, but she was.

‘’At least you can tell I’m the most cute stranger you’ve ever met.’’ Aquaria winked flirty, with her witty vibe coming back.

Well, she was right. Vixen looked at her from top to bottom, she really looked cute. Nothing was wrong with her: she was cute, and nice, and had the best laugh Vixen ever heard. But, Vixen just was still thinking about how everything was pathetic. Anyways, she thought she could predict what was going to happen with them, so she accepted giving that date at least a try.

‘’Guess I’m right, you can’t stop looking at me.’’

‘’Okay, yes. Happy?’’

‘’I am always right, and here is my new affirmation: you will think I’m even more cuter when this is over.’’

‘’Hope your cuteness is equal your talent in bowling, then.’’ Vixen smiled and pointed to the bowling track next to then.

The fact Vixen wasn’t that nervous with flirting was a surprise. She usually did it on her previous dates, almost all the time - making the flirting thing come mostly, from the girl she was dating. She got a good reaction from Aquaria, since she blushed and smirked a bit. Vixen didn’t know why it was so easy to talk to her, but it was.

‘’Oh wow, bowling nerd,’’ Aquaria mocked, getting up and running to the track Vixen pointed to. ‘’C’mon, don’t stop there.’’

The way she struggled with running with those bowling shoes was ridiculously cute. Aquaria looked like a child at a carnival. If she didn’t know her already, Vixen would say she wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

Vixen got up, with her head still kinda hurting because of the noise. Aquaria got a bowling ball in her hands; she looked so distracted figuring out her move, it was really adorable. Suddenly, Vixen got an idea. She got closer to the blonde girl and held her, leading her from behind.

Aquaria didn’t seem to expect this - neither did Vixen herself - but she smiled, accepting Vixen’s help. She bowed her hand, and threw the ball. The ball rolled along the lane in slow motion for her, it looked like the moment it would hit the pins was never coming.

She could feel Aquaria’s heart pounding, breathing on her neck while the ball rolled. Aquaria reacted so well to all of that, but Vixen couldn’t deny that she was still surprised. Clearly, she was excited about that, and Vixen sort of became contaminated by her vibrant energy.

And the moment that the ball would hit the pins never came. The grumpy expression on Aquaria’s face was kinda hilarious, and when she realized Vixen was smirking, looking at her, her own arms crossed and pouting at her results. She rolled her eyes.

‘’I’m sorry, it’s just funny that you suck at it,’’ Vixen mumbled, trying not to laugh.

‘’You meanie!’’ Aquaria pouted, while the pins were being regrouped. ‘’I’m trying, Vix.’’

Vixen blushed when she heard Aquaria calling her this. Somehow, she became soft with that, and with Aquaria in general: ‘’I’m sorry! Hey, you can have another try,’’ she comforted, placing a lock of Aquaria’s blonde hair behind her ear. Somehow, she could feel safe flirting with her, and being sweet. Probably because Aquaria made her feel safe before, and she wanted to do the same thing for her. Vixen didn’t used to do that, but with Aquaria, somehow she felt the need to make her smile - and blush, as she was doing at that moment.

In Aquaria’s second try, Vixen led her again. But this time she instructed her, making her throw the ball again. Aquaria took down five pins, that never would be too much for Vixen, but she got surprised when the blonde yelled and covered her mouth, gagged.

‘’I made it!’

Vixen was proud of her, but didn’t want to ruin Aquaria’s mood, she would never kill her smiley face. Aquaria’s smile was the prettiest thing in the world, and the way her eyes closed when she did it could further prove that fact.

‘’I know you think it’s not too much, and they say I’m cocky…’’

‘’You know I know you think I’m cocky.’’

‘’What the fuck this is so random, but it’s so funny! Your turn, cocky bitch’’ Aquaria provoked, making Vixen think about why even her provocations were so nice.

She grabbed one ball, it was a honor question now. She didn’t care that much about bowling at all, but somehow it was like she needed to make Aquaria proud of her, as she unintentionally was feeling for her.

With all her confidence, she dropped the ball, biting her lip as it was rolling. Vixen’s parents used to take her bowling every birthday, and she got some skills from how much her mom loved it, and she taught her well. That moment reminded her of old times, warm times, that reminded her of happiness - what she weirdly was feeling in that moment.

Aquaria gasped when she saw Vixen hit seven pins on her first play. She ran to hug Vixen from behind, placing a kiss on her cheek. ‘’You can do it!’’

That made her blush a lot. She smiled, trying to not seem upset with that - because she liked what Aquaria did, but was still surprised and amazed with that. Aquaria whispered, ‘’It’s okay, do your next try,’’ in her ear, and everything suddenly seemed to be alright.

Again, she rolled the ball. But the confidence she needed for that play was Aquaria: her ocean blue eyes looking at her with a lovely cheerful expression, and her perfect smile. She was everything she needed; just like the previous incident at the café, they were a team.

When she took down the remaining two pins, the witty, blonde girl ran in her direction, hugging her. She stroked her soft hair, and Aquaria’s hands were interlaced around her neck.

‘’Yes, Vixen, you’re the number one!’’

Vixen didn’t want to lose time. She held Aquaria’s chin, and kissed her softly. She decided to not fight with what she wanted, and live her life instead of worrying. And doing that felt so good, because the feeling of kissing Aquaria couldn’t be explained.

And even though she thought she could predict what was going to happen, Aquaria was so unpredictable. She liked that, and hopefully they would stay like this: unpredictable and different from all the things Vixen had experienced before.

#please remember your tags #the vixen #aquaria #rpdr fanfiction #melody #aquaria x vixen #lesbian au #I keep closing my eyes but I can’t block you out #s10 #rare pair

[arishamod]

Ultra Jump May 2018: 100 Questions for Komiya Arisa

“I’ll affect you with the magic of love  ♪”

TL: Arishamod QC: Ippi, Yuja

Komiya Arisa (Voice of Kurosawa Dia)

Nickname: Arisha

Birthday: 5th February

Blood Type: B

Hobbies: Reading Manga, Sleeping

Skills: Drawing portraits, Classical ballet

Notable Roles:

Movies: “Love X Doc”, “50 First Dates”, “After School War”, “Yumeji: Ai no Tobashiri”, “Evergreen Love”

Drama:   “Teru Konda's Legal Recipes”, “ Uchu Sentai Kyuranger (Akyanbaa)”

TV: “Tsuukai TV Sukattojapan”, “Tonight’s Nazotore”

1. Favorite food?

Meat.

2. Disliked food?

Hot tofu.

3. Favorite sweets?

Japanese rice crackers.

4. Your number one favorite home-cooked dish?

Although my mom is really good at cooking, and I love all the food she cooks, my favourite is still Ebi Fry (fried shrimp)!

5. Favorite color?

White.

6. Favorite scent?

A slightly sweet floral scent.

7. Favorite season?

Winter.

8. Favorite event of the year?

Birthday.

9. What sport do you like watching?

Figure Skating.

10. What sport do you like playing?

I don’t know how many years it’s been since I’ve played sports. Although I like to watch it, I might not say the same about playing it.

11. Favorite animal?

Dogs, but if it comes to looking at them only, it would be cats.

12. If you were to compare yourself to an animal, what would you be?

I look like a cat.

13. Are you a dog person? Or a cat person?

Dog person.

14. Favorite manga?

“Black Butler”.

15. Favorite genre of manga?

A clichéd shojou manga.

16. First manga you read?

“Ciao (Cha-o)”.

17. First anime you watched?

“Sailor moon”.

18. Favorite movie?

“Les Misérables”.

19. Favorite musical artist?

No one in particular.

20. Song(s) you listen to every day?

I don’t really listen to music…

21. First CD you bought?

A “Morning Musume” CD.

22. Your specialty song at karaoke?

I almost never go to the karaoke.

23. Phone lock screen?

The portrait that was drawn by Kubonouchi Eisaku that was used for my collaboration goods.*

*the same one that was used for her 3rd fan meeting.

24. A clothing brand you often buy?

UN3D and Elendeek.

25. Your best outfit?

None in particular.

26. Favorite place in your house?

Bed.

27. What do you want most right now?

A small Balenciaga purse.

28. What’s something that you’ll always carry in your bag?

My purse and portable charger.

29. What’s something you’ve been collecting unintentionally?

Cosmetics for the lips.

30. What’s your treasure?

The necklace that was given to me by my parents on my 20th birthday.

31. What kind of child were you?

Even now I am a child who has freedom.

32. Your childhood treasure?

The stuffed bear that my grandma gave to me.

33. Your childhood dream?

To be in “Sailor Moon”.

34. Someone you respect?

My parents.

35. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

Domestically, I would want to travel to Shikoku*. If it’s overseas, I would like  to travel to Iceland, where I previously traveled to for work once.

*Shikoku is the smallest major island in Japan.

36. What country do you want to try visiting?

France.

37. Any bad habits?

Recently I feel like I am hunching my back.

38. Do you have a catchphrase?

Demo sa (but).

39. Charm point?

My eyes.*

*I’m pretty sure this is her SFW answer because she has mentioned that her butt is her charm point in her gravure interviews ><

40. A strength you have?

I diligently do what needs to be done.

41. A shortcoming you have?

Frequently changing my mood.

42. Your special skill?

Classical ballet and drawing portraits.

43. Something you’re bad at?

Staying still.

44. A precise weakness of yours?

I am useless when I don’t have enough sleep.

45. What do you want to fix about yourself?

Since I realised that I get lonely too easily, so I want to feel secure when I am by myself.

46. What are you confident you can imitate well?

The faces of people with their eyes wide open from the manga by Mr. Umezu Kazuo.

47. What’s something you could live off of?

Food.

48. Your current obsession?

Since I have received a Kindle, I have been reading.

49. A phrase you’ve been using a lot?

None in particular.

50. Favorite motto?

Do it one way or another.

51. If you could describe yourself with one word, what would it be?

Doing as one wishes.

52. Something you’ve been picky about recently?

When they are doing my partial makeup for our stage costumes for Aqours, I sometimes insist that they “must use this eye shadow”.

53. Fill in the blank with something positive: I’m actually _.

Able to forget anything completely once I go to sleep.

54. Fill in the blank with something negative: I’m actually _.

Lonely.

55. Anything but this!

Being touched randomly by things around me

56. What would the world be better off without?

I do not know.

57. How do you kill time?

Sleep.

58. How do you relieve stress and refresh yourself?

Sleep.

59. What app have you been using often recently?

The calendar app that I use for managing my schedule.

60. What’s something you always do once you wake up?

Brush my teeth.

61. What’s something you always do before you sleep?

Drink water.

62. What do you do when you ride the train?

Things like reviewing Aqours’ dances and checking my Twitter.

63. What do you do to maintain your health?

Food definitely helps.

64. What do you do when you have the day off?

Sleep or go shopping.

65. What do you do when you have time to yourself?

Sleep or lie on my bed and do nothing.

66. What do you do when you hang out with friends?

We go to cafes.

67. Where do you want to go on a  date?

A meal would be fine.

68. If you were to confess to someone, what kind of situation would you want it to be?

I don’t really intend on confessing...

69. If someone were to confess to you, what kind of situation would you want it to be?

I want them to confess to me in person!

70. Something fun that happened recently?

When I was in Tokyo and Osaka for 3 days for my birthday event, there were many people who came to the event. It was difficult, but together with everyone who came to the event, I did my best! I had fun during this event.

71. Something sad that happened recently?

When I can’t remember what kind of work I did when I return home everyday.

72. Something funny that happened recently?

I often wear my western clothes backwards. I find that funny yet sad (laughs).

73. Something about your past you want to erase?

Nothing! Right now I should use all of it as a source of encouragement…

74. A moment that made you think “This is a miracle!”?

The time when I was heading to the station without checking the schedule, and the train came at a really good time.

75. A moment that made you think “I’m glad to be alive”?

When I am eating a delicious meal.

76. What wish do you want granted in the future?

To appear in a morning drama.

77. What’s something you wished for that came true?

Becoming a heroine.

78. Any fond memories of 2017?

I was able to travel to many different regions through the lives and events.

79. What went wrong in 2017?

I guess the year passed without any failures that was big enough to immediately come to mind...

80. What would you do if you won 100 million yen from the lottery?

Put money into my savings and buy a house.

81. What would you do if you had a time machine?

Since I neither want to know the future, nor do I want to change the past, I wouldn’t use it.

82. What would you want to do if the world were to end tomorrow?

Live a normal day with my family.

83. What would you want to eat if the world were to end tomorrow?

A meal cooked by my mom.

84. If you could bring one thing to a deserted island, what would it be?

“Anywhere Door”*

*The same one used by Doraemon

85. If you were reborn in another world, what would you want to become?

A human with save points.

86. If you were reborn in this world, what would you want to become?

Human.

87. If you were to be reborn, would you want to be male or female?

Female.

88. What’s good about being a girl?

Being able to wear many different cute western clothes each day.

89. What’s something you’d want to try if you were male?

I want be a playboy.

90. A challenge you want to take on?

I want to drive down from a mountain pass…

Though even if I got a license, I definitely wouldn’t do it.

91. A voice role you want to try in the future?

A normal girl. I think that it’s different trying to portray a normal girl.

92. If you could do any job outside of voice acting, what would it be?

Currently, I am doing gravure as part of my actress work outside of being a voice actress. When I was young, aside from the entertainment industry, I wanted to be either a pharmacist or nutritionist.

93. What made you the happiest out of everything you’ve been told?

“You have become such a mature woman”, which was said by a staff member that I’ve have known for some time.

94. Have you been keeping any secrets from the rest of Aqours?

There isn’t anything important enough that I will keep a secret from them…!

95. Where in Numazu would you like to visit again?

The frog museum.

96. Praise yourself as much as possible!

Your skin is so smooth!

97. Memories of your first love?

Around the time when I was an elementary school student?

I have forgotten it, just like how I forgot what I did yesterday. I don’t really remember much…

98. Please tell us a life changing experience.

Right before I turned 18, I had to live on my own, but I did not know how to use a washing machine.

99. Your thoughts on today’s photoshoot?

Since it is the season for spring clothes, being able to have pictures of us taken with the poses from the AZALEA cover with the room filled with balloons, really makes me happy.

        100. Finally, a word for your fans!

There will be many more events, so please do come for them!

Let’s watch out for each other’s health (laughs).

#translations #interview #Q&A #Arisha #Komiya Arisa #Love live! #AZALEA #Seiyuu #Aqours #Arishamod posts

[kobayashi-aika]

Ultra Jump April 2018: 100 Questions for Kobayashi Aika

April’s edition of Ultra Jump was a Guilty Kiss special. It featured a photoshoot, an interview with all 3 members, and a special Q&A section with each seiyuu. Here’s Aikyan’s 100 Questions!

Translated question template was provided by @saitou-shuka​.

Kobayashi Aika (voice of Tsushima Yoshiko) Nickname: Aikyan Birthday: October 23rd Blood type: O Hobbies: Photography, western fashion Skills: Dancing (Hip-hop, R&B, LA Style)

1. Favorite food? I like all sorts of fruits. But I like strawberries the most! Ah, but I like mangoes, peaches, and watermelon, too...

2. Disliked food? There’s nothing I wouldn’t eat!

3. Favorite snacks? Snacks made with potatoes. More specifically, Jagapokkuru!

4. Your number one favorite home-cooked dish? Cod roe pasta! It’s really tasty. I want to learn how to make it soon.

5. Favorite color? Black, grey, red, and white.

6. Favorite scent? Perfume from Chloe.

7. Favorite season? Definitely autumn. I might be because I was born in autumn, but the temperature is also good, and I like the western fashion during the season. It’s a nice season.

8. Favorite event of the year? I have allergies, but definitely cherry blossom viewing! I make plans to go with my family every year, and it’s really fun.

9. What sport do you like watching? I’m always excited and nervous when I watch figure skating.

10. What sport do you like playing? Is dancing a sport? I love dancing. I’m bad at ball sports, but I do like badminton!

11. Favorite animal? Dogs!!!!! And red pandas!!

12. If you were to compare yourself to an animal, what would you be? Maybe a dog…?

13. Are you a dog person? Or a cat person? Definitely a dog person!!!!!

14. Favorite manga? Super Radical Gag Family. I remember reading it aloud with my childhood friends when I was in elementary school…(laughs)

15. Favorite genre of manga? Anything that’s interesting, or anything that makes my heart skip a beat. I want that to happen to me too!!!!!

16. First manga you read? Was it Kobo-chan…? Or maybe those 4 panel comics that they print at the end of newspapers.

17. First anime you watched? My grandfather rented “The Nutcracker” from the video store, and I kept watching it until I got bored.

18. Favorite movie? Rapunzel!

19. Favorite musical artist? It will always be Amuro Namie-san.

20. Song(s) you listen to every day? Aqours songs!!

21. First CD you bought? I don’t really remember… It might have been Morning Musume’s “Hyokkori Hyoutan-jima”...

22. Your specialty song at karaoke? When I go to karaoke with my friends, I sing and dance to Morning Musume songs.

23. Phone lock screen? I set it to a picture of Yohane that Hyogonosuke-san drew. It’s a nice picture, isn’t it?

24. A clothing brand you often buy? I don’t fuss over brands. I just buy whatever looks good. Brands I like are I AM I and didizizi. A brand I really want is l’atelier du savon.

25. Your best outfit? Clothing dyed in jet black. It represents my identity as a fallen angel. In other words, black clothing.

26. Favorite place in your house? In my bed. During the winter, my dogs come and lay in my bed with me, which makes me like it even more.

27. What do you want most right now? Lots of Yohane LINE stamps.

28. What’s something that you’ll always carry in your bag? Some lip balm and Mintia. 

29. What’s something you’ve been collecting unintentionally? Cute cosmetics, cute hats, and cute accessories! Well, rather than unintentionally, I’ve been collecting them on purpose, though.

30. What’s your treasure? A necklace that I got from my mom when I turned 20.

31. What kind of child were you? Well...I was really good at playing by myself!!! That’s all I’ll say!!!!!

32. Your childhood treasure? I used to collect round stones. They were all really pretty and smooth! Also, I had a stuffed dog that I named Chibi-chan.

33. Your childhood dream? I wanted to be a singer and a preschool teacher.

34. Someone you respect? Amuro Namie-san. She really is a cool artist and woman.

35. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Hm...if it’s summer, Okinawa! If it’s winter, Kyoto! Maybe!

36. What country do you want to try visiting? Maybe England, or the Maldives! I’d want to become a wizard in England, and I’d want to take it easy in the Maldives.

37. Any bad habits? I always touch my hair.

38. Do you have a catchphrase? I feel like I say “No way!” a lot.

39. Charm point? What would it be...maybe my eyes!

40. A strength you have? I always see things through to the end.

41. A shortcoming you have? I get really absorbed into things and ignore my surroundings.

42. Your special skill? I’m pretty good at sewing. It’s something that I brag about sometimes, though.

43. Something you’re bad at? Being rushed. I tend to get nervous.

44. A precise weakness of yours? Being called Aika.

45. What do you want to fix about yourself? The part of me that gets nervous...

46. What are you confident you can imitate well? I think my impression of My Melody is pretty close.

47. What’s something you could live off of? My smartphone...perhaps. No, I’ll need food to live...no, maybe water...ah! Some Aqours water!!!

48. Your current obsession? Mekabu! 

49. A phrase you’ve been using a lot? Maybe “Well, those kinds of things happen too, right?”. I think it’s more fun to be positive!

50. Favorite motto? “With everything you’ve got”.

51. If you could describe yourself with one word, what would it be? Little demon.

52. Something you’ve been picky about recently? I’m often picky about my nails. I’m always worrying about what kind of clothes their color will go well with. So recently, I’ve been deciding the theme for my nails beforehand.

53. Fill in the blank with something positive: I’m actually _. I’m actually good with my hands. Probably.

54. Fill in the blank with something negative: I’m actually _. I’m actually really inflexible. Please keep this a secret.

55. Anything but this! I don’t have much for this, but...I guess I wouldn’t like anything done to me that other people wouldn’t like, either!

56. What would the world be better off without? Cockroaches, maybe… And scary movies...anything scary.

57. How do you kill time? Sleep. Watch YouTube videos. Shop online.

58. How do you relieve stress and refresh yourself? Drink beer!

59. What app have you been using often recently? SIF and AC Pocket Camp!

60. What’s something you always do once you wake up? I take a bath!

61. What’s something you always do before you sleep? I set an alarm on my phone. I never forget to set it!

62. What do you do when you ride the train? I sleep, or I look at my phone.

63. What do you do to maintain your health? I use facial masks! And I wash my hands and rinse my mouth! And I get a good night’s sleep!

64. What do you do when you have the day off? I sleep in as long as I can...If I have plans to go out, then I do my nails or go to the salon, and get all my shopping done.

65. What do you do when you have time to yourself? I shop online, play games, and sometimes go out to look at western fashion.

66. What do you do when you hang out with friends? Recently, I’ve been going out with the Aqours 1st years to photogenic spots to take photos. We wear matching outfits, too. “When it’s time to have fun, have as much fun as you can!” is my motto.

67. Where do you want to go on your first date? Ehhh? With who? A-anywhere...is fine. Other than the haunted house, an amusement park sounds nice!

68. If you were to confess to someone, what kind of situation would you want it to be? Um...when I’m getting off the train and saying goodbye, as the doors are closing, I’ll say “I like you” and then run away, perhaps…(laughs).

69. If someone were to confess to you, what kind of situation would you want it to be? I want them to whisper “I love you” in my ear. And I would just be like, “Really!?” and let it soak in.

70. What memories do you have of graduation? A lot of mysterious feelings welled up inside of me, and I cried while singing our school song.

71. Something fun that happened recently? Today! I haven’t had a lot of chances to go to amusement parks, so today was really fun!

(Note: The Ultra Jump photo shoot took place at an amusement park.)

72. Something sad that happened recently? Us first years were playing a game where we tried to make our eyebrows go in a 45 degree angle, and Aiai (Furihata Ai) told me that my face looked like a Wi-Fi symbol. It was a little sad.

73. Something funny that happened recently? I saw Rikyako’s sleeping face. It was so funny that I cried laughing. (laughs) Maybe one day I’ll release it!

74. Something about your past you want to erase? My dark history!!! I don’t really have any!!!

(Note: This is definitely a lie.)

75. A moment that made you think “This is a miracle!”?

Love Live! Sunshine!! and a sweets shop in Numazu called Grandma did a collaboration called “Datenshi’s Chocola”. And in episode 5 of the second season, Yohane named the dog that she found “Lailaps”. Well...my dogs are named Chocola and Laila. This is a miracle!!!!!

76. A moment that made you think “I’m glad to be alive”? When I’m eating my mom’s cod roe pasta!

77. What wish do you want granted in the future? I want for Love Live! Sunshine!! to be loved by even more people, and to do that, we’ll need to work hard to achieve even greater heights. There’s a lot of dreams that I want to make come true, so I’m looking forward to it.

78. What’s something you wished for that came true? This very moment!! I’m able to sing and dance, and I have the chance to do the things that I love with everything I’ve got.

79. Any fond memories of 2017? Going to Disneyland with the first years!

80. What went wrong in 2017? I cried during the 2nd Live Tour. I didn’t want to cry~.

81. What would you do if you won 100 million yen from the lottery? I would put half of it into savings, and use the other half to go on a vacation with my family. I’ll splurge on it!!

82. What would you do if you had a time machine? I’d go back in time and have fun with my preschool friends and teachers again~.

83. What would you want to do if the world were to end tomorrow? I’d spend it with my family...but I’d be really nervous. I’d probably hold them tight...

84. What would you want to eat if the world were to end tomorrow? I’d eat a ton of shrimp and fried chicken.

85. If you could bring one thing to a deserted island, what would it be? A soft futon.

86. If you were reborn in another world, what would you want to become? I definitely!!! would become a magician!!!

87. If you were reborn in this world, what would you want to become? I want to fly in the sky, so maybe a bird!

88. If you were to be reborn, would you want to be male or female? Female! I want to be born again female!

89. What’s good about being a girl? “Girls are always the best!” is what I think. You can wear a lot of fashionable clothes, and make your nails really cute!

90. What’s something you’d want to try if you were male? I’ve never had short hair, so I’d want to get a Mush-cut perm. 

91. A challenge you want to take on? I want to try floating in the air like a fallen angel while singing. And maybe try jumping onto the stage to make my appearance.

92. A voice role you want to try in the future? I want to voice an elementary schooler. Or maybe something that’s not human. (laughs)

93. If you could do any job outside of voice acting, what would it be? I have a preschool teacher’s license, so I’d do that!

94. What made you the happiest out of everything you’ve been told? Seven years ago, I was told “Your songs really encourage me. Thank you so much.” It made me really happy, and it was the day I resolved to work hard as a singer.

95. Have you been keeping any secrets from the rest of Aqours? Not at all! Y-yes...I won’t say who it is, and if I returned it, I wouldn’t tell them, but once during rehearsal, I borrowed someone’s socks, and I haven’t returned them for about a year!!!!! (laughs)

96. Where in Numazu would you like to visit again? Mito Sea!!! 

97. Praise yourself as much as possible! You’re always working so hard! You’re so clever, Kobayashi! Do your best! (laughs)

98. What kind of moment makes you think “This is Guilty”? Recently, Rikako started tickling Aina, but she keeps it a secret as to when and where she does it. That’s Guilty.

99. Your thoughts on today’s photoshoot? It felt like a really Guilty Kiss-esque photoshoot. The amusement park was really fun, and the merry-go-round really

100. Finally, a word for your fans! There might be people reading this that are getting to know Guilty Kiss for the first time, so I hope you can see some of our good points, and I’d be happy if you listened to some of our songs!

#kobayashi aika #aikyan #ultra jump #aqours #guilty kiss #for 67 pls pick me

[movedto-dazaipositive]

one guess where this started. couldn't have done it without @taggianto 💜 you.

CW: rape and resultant pregnancy; severe self-worth issues; mentally ill character with wrong ideas about what constitutes mental illness.

so, I've got a running headcanon that Kent's mom is alcoholic and she has ptsd.

rape & pregnancy TW // she was raped in college and that's how she got pregnant with Kent. she kept him out of choice, but she loves him no matter what

but that doesn't change the fact that she has ptsd and for many years while she was working 3 jobs to keep them alive and Kent on the ice, and she had to get through somehow. so she drank at home

and she wasn't ever really there for Kent. she couldn't be, between drinking and working. does Kent resent her? I don't think so. I don't think he knew it was even an option until he met the Zimmermanns and Jack

and saw the way they behaved with each other. but he loves his mom and he'd do anything for her. it's why he sticks with hockey even when it hurts–his mom worked hard to get him where he is, and he can't let her down now

but she crashes around the time Kent is 16/17. she's no longer got Kent around to survive for, and it really messes her up. and Kent watches Jack and his mom crash and burn, up close and from afar, and it fucks him up

like, bad. he can't stop thinking that it was him, that he's the reason they're the way they are. that he's the only thing they have in common and they're both–the way they are, and it must be him. it must be Kent

jack's OD breaks Kent, pushes him over the edge of a cliff he was already clinging to with his fingertips. he shuts down completely and only surfaces to a) send his mom to rehab with his first NHL paycheck b) and play hockey

he withdraws completely. cuts himself off from human contact at the exact time he needs it the most. he spends his rookie year with the Aces Captain, Patty, his wife and their two kids, barely holding on to his humanity

it's a good thing the team forces Kent out regularly, because otherwise he'd turn into an Actual Hockey Robot. it's not that he isn't friendly with them–he plays beautiful hockey and laughs and chirps with the rest of them, but there's something off about it. he's skittish and awkward, and he gets this look in his eyes sometimes, like he survived something awful but not really.

like he isn't all there. they worry about him. he's too small and too good at hockey and he needs someone to watch out for him

the first year, it's the whole team. all how-many-ever of them, looking out for Kent on and off the ice. the second year, Jeff comes to them

Jeff is...good with Kent.

Jeff's been playing on the NHL for a couple years, got drafted third or fourth to the Seattle Schooners. he's a good teammate, dryly funny, chirps that take a second to sink in. he plays good hockey, not as good as Kent, but good.

but he seems to know, instinctively, what Kent needs at any given moment

Jeff drags Kent into being social and actually, y'know, forming meaningful connections with other people by giving Kent puppy eyes until Kent agrees to hang out with Jeff and teammate of the week

and Kent, horribly unused to being someone people want to spend time with and nearly incapacitated by loneliness after a year of next to no human connection, says yes every time

and Kent is a person? under that weird obsessive hockey robot exterior? he's fun to hang out with. he's even funny. he's a bit a total dork and likes helping people and he always knows a good place to eat

so people on Kent's team start to seek his company even without Swoops around and Kent goes ? but he doesn't like to let people down or say no

Kent is still like, messed up inside. he doesn't sleep well and there are a lot of days when he won't get out of bed of he doesn't have to. but he's still trying

except... he's not trying to be better at Humaning for himself. he's doing it for Jeff and the people who depend upon him to show up and entertain their kids for two hours so they can go on a date

the only thing that's changed is the manifestation of Kent's chronic self-sacrificing and the people who receive it.

and Kent is honestly trying really hard and overcompensating for a year of not being a good Human Person so he swamps himself in helping people and overworks himself

and it's Jeff that picks up the pieces of Kent's dumbassery. it's Jeff that calls people to let them know that Kent has the flu, no they haven't been to the doctor yet, yes he's mostly okay he's puking right now, so no he can't come and take care of your kids Patty find a fucking babysitter you're a millionaire jfc

(Patty is kind of a dick)

Kent: [in between puking] but I promised

Jeff: shut the fuck up

Kent's bedridden for almost a week. he misses two games, both of which the Aces lose

it's during this week that Jeff realises just how fucked up Kent is, because in the middle of puking his guts out and shivering under six blankets he still finds time to blame himself for everything that goes wrong in that week. e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g. it's not really Kent's fault, being sick pulls down all walls that keep him from airing the constant internal monologue of self blame and loathing, but Jeff calls his cousin Rashmi and has a slight breakdown

well, I say slight. he nearly cries

Jeff needs to talk about how much Kent is hurting and omg I never knew im a terrible friend eeeee

she tells him to a) calm the fuck down b) don't take this so personally, you can't help him if you think you're the one to blame, he's doing that already c) here's a bunch of helpful links on how to deal when you think your friend might be mentally ill

Jeff tries to be subtle about bringing up the 'you might be mentally ill thing'. Kent, however, is not dumb. he catches on to this really fast, and panics hard. his only experience with mentally ill folks is his mom and Jack, and they are not a good place to start–both addicts who've been unintentionally emotionally abusive to Kent. Kent draws the best conclusion he can with this data pool. the conclusion is I am a horrible person who will soon be drug addict and hurt the people around me, whoops time to Shut Down

Kent [shutting down] I am a horrible person that deserves nothing good, ever. Jeff: nO Kent: I can't hear you over the sound of my self loathing Jeff: N O

and Jeff does not know how to deal with a Kent who's gone straight back to rookie year levels of skittish I-am-a-virus-don't-touch-me. the team, on the other hand, knows perfectly well how.

or, at least, they know how they dealt with it. but they're hockey players, with the combined emotional intelligence of a nail clipper, and when they tell Jeff about it he's horrified. so he figures out his own methods–he sticks as close to Kent as possible while not overwhelming him, and he does his best to be Supportive

it is difficult to be supportive when the person you are Supporting does not want to be supported. so he does his research, and hits upon the perfect solution

he goes to the local pet shelter and asks for the most unlikely to be adopted kitten, because he knows that Kent has a soft spot for hopeless things

they give him a three month old Calico, blind and almost certainly headed to a shelter without a no kill rule

Jeff: ......I'll take it

Kent is baffled and enchanted. Jeff really thought it'd be harder to sell this to Kenny, but Kent's holding squirmy, curious little kit, already babytalking to her, asking her if she knows what a pretty princess she is, yes you are, aren't you and Jeff has a second where he thinks Oh, shit

bc this more humanity and interest than Kent has shown in almost a month, and then Kent is turning to Jeff to ask him questions about raising cats that Jeff didn't even know were a concern, but clearly this is making Kent happy, so Jeff gives him a book he'd picked up at the recommendation of the volunteer at the shelter, and drives Kent helplessly to the pet store and watches as Kent buys cat shit off Amazon

Kent doesn't realise she's blind, at first. kit (Jeff named her) has large golden eyes that are permanently dilated. Kent only figures out she's blind when he's sitting on the floor watching her toddle around, and she keeps walking into his outstretched legs. Kent calls Jeff in a panic, asking him if he knows what's with kit's eyes, and Jeff thinks I knew I was forgetting something

and then he explains the situation to Kent, and Kent reacts exactly the way Jeff expected him to–with a sudden fierce dedication to kit, even more so than ten minutes ago when he would have died for her

Kent cat-proofs his house–he pours a lot of time and money into getting everything exactly right so Kit needn't suffer more than necessary. he lavishes Kit with all the love he's capable of–and he's always capable of a lot more love than he thinks–and makes sure that everyone coming to his house knows that one move that frightens Kit is more than enough to get them banned

so Kent pours himself heart and soul into loving kit. he spends every second he isn't on the ice taking care of his beloved baby princess

and it's incredibly healing. he knows he has to get up in the morning and come back after runs (not walk into traffic) and that he has to get done on the ice so he can come back to her

and it's incredibly healing. he knows he has to get up in the morning and come back after runs (not walk into traffic) and that he has to get done on the ice so he can come back to her

there's a period of like, six months, where the only reason Kent does anything at all is because kit needs him to. and he won't let himself think about how Jeff could also maybe take care of her. he won't.

his mom's rehab clinic is expensive but ridiculously intensive and extensive. it's almost 14 months of rehab and therapy and relearning hire to be a person without addiction, as well as working through whatever led you to seek addiction in the first place

Diana Parson comes out of it changed. she feels more like a person than ever before in her life. she feels whole, healed still, but so much better

so she goes back home, and Kent is in Vegas depressed as fuck, and his mom is in New York living for herself, and doing things she loves, and discovering herself outside of therapy

she comes back home at a time when it's incredibly difficult for Kent to do even basic things like have a conversation. so all through the season, he doesn't visit her and he can't even summon up the guilt.

and her therapist tells her it's okay, that he needs time too. and she loves him and she gives him the time she needs, but she also decides that she's stable enough to foster a child

which goes well! Lydia is 7 and slightly untrusting but Diana has patience and love and she's been reading and she's financially stable and she has time (ask things she didn't have with Kent). she has time to ask Lydia how her day went. time to play and talk and do bonding activities with just the two of them

and soon enough she and Lydia love each other so much! and they have rough times but they get through it.

the season ends. and the aces lose. and Kent is probably even worse than before. and someone suggests that since the aces will no longer be in town to make sure that Kent buys groceries/stays a person, hey you should go visit your mom!

so Kent, depressed and hating himself, gets to watch his mom get her big second chance

and he tries do hard not to be bitter but it's killing him. he keeps wondering what his life would be like if he were Lydia. if he had a financially stable supportive mom. and he can't blame his mom so he blames himself

he blames himself for needing more than she could give him. because she did her best and she raised a pro NHL player and he doesn't have any right to expect more

and one night it gets so bad that drives himself to Jeff's place

this would be okay but Jeff actually lives in Canada

he's just. in this place where Jeff is the only person that Kent knows won't hurt him

and he's so, so tired

and Jeff, chilling with his family, suddenly has an armful of distraught sleep-deprived Captain

and he's just like ......sorry I gotta take this

Kent knows where Jeff lives bc he's been there at least once before

and Kent just. breaks down. he cries for hours. and Jeff can't do anything except drag Kent up to his room and cuddle him while he cries and pet his hair. Kent cries himself to sleep, but he wakes up with Jeff wrapped around him and there's like, 14 seconds where he just feels safe and good because Jeff's there and hugging him in bed so something somewhere must have gone right

anyway Kent wakes up and gets dressed with Jeff hovering gently over him, knocking into him once in a while to make sure he's okay

(like when cats wind around your feet because they're excited to see you. except they might trip you up. the issue w Jeff is that he is Big)

he finds his phone in some weird corner of his car and plugs it in. and finds out that he has 200+ missed calls from his mom

because his mom doesn't have the numbers of any teammates she can call and she's been so worried and he feels Horrible for Being This Way

so he calls her. and she picks up on the second ring and she's been having panic attacks and flashbacks for 4 days and she doesn't remember parts of her therapy

so she yells at him. and Kent is still way too fragile to handle this but he also has to do this? and he just. panics

mother-son bonding via hyperventilating to each other on a phone line

but Jeff gets so mad on Kent's behalf, and pulls the phone out of Kent's hand and cuts the call.

but then he feels guilty so he sends her a quick text message to let her know that Kent is safe and he'll call when he feels better

and the next few days are just Jeff hugging Kent and Kent wearing Jeff's clothes everywhere because he didn't bring his own

and when they kiss it's just so natural? Kent stops hiding how much he wants Jeff. it's too much work. and Jeff is close to Kent almost all the time. and they're so stupidly in love that Jeff's older brother walks into them making out against the kitchen counter and moon walks back out

they make out for so long that every member of Jeff's family sees them and walks back out.

#kent parson #parseposse #parsepositive #parswoops #swarse #lmao #that be #me #carysfics #omgcp #????? #p2 tag #original #i'm sorry about the lack of read more cut guys #tumblr hates me

[mxrenacer]

father’s day

TW: abuse, violence, addiction, suicide

My parents might have been in love once. But their relationship was never without unhealthy (at best, toxic at worst) dynamics. My dad was buying my mom flowers and dancing with her in the kitchen one day, punching holes in walls and calling her a fucking cunt the next. In our world, love means compromise, which has been twisted and manipulated to mean sacrifice. A term which often directly implies forgoing your values, your self-worth, your children’s feelings of safety and stability. We lived on a roller coaster of emotional turmoil, small doses of happiness interspersed between heaps of violent language and huge blowups. Even when the big fights weren’t happening, the low-level bickering was so constant that I thought it was normal, that that was how all parents communicated. My mother internally battled thoughts of leaving him, back and forth, stay or go, for the 22 collective years my sister and I resided in their house. I knew in my gut it would never happen. That her thoughts were more like wistful daydreams, that she never had any intention of following through. She didn’t want us to grow up in a tiny apartment, struggling to live on her teacher’s aide wages. She told us she didn’t want us to carry a stigma as children of a single mother. I wish she had gotten the chance to prove how great a single mother she could have been. We have both been gone for nearly a decade, states away. And still she battles. 

Love was a privilege that was held under the absolute authority of my father. When he decided to give it, he was the ultimate romantic for my mother, the definition of caring dad to us. I wish I could wipe the memories of dancing on the kitchen table while he played The Beatles on guitar, hikes on his shoulders through Jefferson National Forest, learning from him about the beauties of the planet and poetry and food. I tend to use them to gloss over the bad parts, But look at this, he loved us. He gave us so much. But he could take it away just as swiftly. He terrified us with brutal shouting on bad days and his seething tone when he was angry at our mother can only be described as hateful. I could feel my blood pulse in my ears when he was in that state, not sure what would happen next. I silently hoped my mom would disengage, not respond, not add fuel to the fire. She usually couldn’t help herself and argued right back, which was exactly what he wanted and most often ended with him leaving to get drunk and disappear until the next day, sometimes we wouldn’t hear from him for two. She often called him a tyrant, which sounds funny but was not an exaggeration. He made it abundantly clear that our respect (all three of us) was not earned, but owed to him regardless of his actions toward us, a given that came with marriage and fatherhood. We were frequently punished with his drinking, a punishment intended for our mother, but we were always casualties, and we usually got a heartfelt apology when he sat us down the next day and responded to our “it’s okay”s with “no, it’s not okay.” He said that every time, and every time I felt as though I couldn’t even forgive him correctly.

He always felt dangerous to me, teetering on the edge of lashing out, leaving and getting blackout drunk and crashing his truck (he eventually flipped it over a guardrail after I’d moved out; the cop who found him drove him around until his BAC was low enough to reduce his DUI charges -- the privileges of white masculinity. He got community service thanks to his reputation of being such a beloved teacher in the county, a detail I’ve always found amusing considering his relationship with his own family). We were often threatened with his impending self-inflicted death, reminded of his severe, untreated mental illness, my mother shaking her head and warning us that we should be prepared. It always felt like I had to be very careful with my words because if I pushed him too far, it would be my fault he left, my fault he drank. My fault if he killed himself. 

We were told we had to keep his addiction a secret, otherwise he could lose his job. So after those weekends when he left in a rage and didn’t come home for a day or two, the ones I spent shaking with anxiety and unable to sleep or think or focus on anything else, I went to school and pretended everything was normal. I could not process what was going on with anyone else, could not enlist my friends for any sort of validation or support. Looking back, I needed therapy badly, but it was never mentioned. 

It never occurred to me that he was abusive because he never hit me. I only saw him put his hands on my mother once, and he played it off like an accident, like they got caught up somehow and that resulted in him almost dislocating her shoulder. Even now, I have a hard time feeling like I deserve to say I was abused. But I know that after I left home, when only my sister was there with our mother, the physical violence escalated. I know she sometimes put herself in the way so he couldn’t get to our mom. I know she sometimes got hurt, intentionally, unintentionally, I don’t know. Probably both. He was volatile and unpredictable. And good at playing the victim, filling everyone else with his guilt afterward. 

My mother enabled him, continues to enable him. I hate to say that she was complicit in all of our abuse, because it is so much more complex than that. Abuse is hard to escape; that is a main component of its power. She was just as much a victim as we were, and sadly, continues to be. I disengaged a long time ago, stopped emotionally investing myself in him. It has cost me in some ways (mainly, he is weird and uncomfortable around me, because he knows how I feel about him), but proves over and over to have been the right choice. I can usually breathe. There is always sadness and I imagine there always will be. But the fear is worse: Is the bad in him inside me too? If I have children, will I hurt them too? Am I capable of abuse? I want to say I know myself, that it’s impossible, but I am terrified. 

#addiction #abuse #fathers

[tigerlilynoh]

What Remains of Alicia Banes

Words: 3,128 Characters: Sam Winchester, Max Banes, Alicia Banes Trigger Warning: Discussion of depression, self-harm, suicide attempts

Teaser: Eight months after the events of Twings & Twine & Tasha Banes (12x20), Sam receives a phone call from Max Banes asking for help. When Sam arrives, he discovers that the situation is far from what he was expecting.

It’d been roughly eight months since Sam had last spoken to Max Banes.  On the night that they’d killed the witch that had murdered Max’s mother and sister, he and Dean had offered to help him out whenever he needed, though there hadn’t been a peep from him until that morning.  On the phone he’d sounded upset, but wouldn’t explain what was wrong.  He’d asked for Sam to come alone.  Something had happened and it sounded like he was embarrassed or ashamed.

On the four-hour drive to the Fox family estate, Sam considered the possible reasons why Max would request that only he come.  A trap seemed unlikely; Max didn’t seem the sinister type and there were enough other friends and acquaintances that would serve as more blindly-compelling bait.  For a brief moment he considered that maybe there was something to his suspicion that Max had been flirting with him at Isa Fox’s funeral, though feigning an emergency and making him drive that far didn’t seem like a reasonable funny-meeting-you-here moment.  It could’ve been that Max had noticed that he was the more magically attuned of the Winchester brothers and therefore might be more sympathetic or useful in an instance of a spell gone wrong.

When he got to the small mansion he noticed that it was almost entirely dark except for a light in the entryway and one of the rooms upstairs.  Some of the decorative plants in the front yard appeared overgrown.  A shingle had fallen from the roof and left on the front porch long enough that a spider had taken up residence.  He wasn’t sure if Max’s grandmother was still alive, but either way the house had a look of neglect about it.  After trying the doorbell, Sam opened the unlocked front door.

Max was sitting on the first few steps of the wooden staircase just beyond the door.  Large, old blood stains tarnished his grey skinny jeans and his olive green sweater.  There weren’t any obvious injuries, but he seemed in a daze.  His pink, puffy eyes were transfixed on his bloody hands until Sam closed the front door.  Sam was about to ask what had happened when he spotted the silver ring containing a teardrop-shaped gem of purple made irregular by the dark splotches of drying blood that had crept inside the setting.  Max was wearing the cursed thing.  He'd taken the deal.

“She’s upstairs,” the witch said when Sam’s gaze flicked reflectively around for Alicia—what was left of Alicia.  “I won’t let you hurt her.”

“I came here to help you.  I’m not gonna hurt anyone.”  Sam raised his hands in a subtle gesture of reassurance.  “You asked me to come.”

“Yeah.”  Max nodded, but he barely looked at Sam.

His face was a bit pale and his skin was clammy.  He was in shock.  It reminded Sam painfully of the last time they’d seen each other.

“Is that her blood?” Sam asked.

“Is her blood even blood…?” Max muttered to himself before pursing his lips.  He leaned his head back and took a sharp breath to collect himself.  “Yeah, man.  It’s hers.”

“What happened—“  Sam thought better of bringing up the obvious events that had occurred the night Alicia had died.  They had more urgent worries.  “How did she get hurt?  How can I help?”

“I….”  Max shifted, trying to regather his normal suave composure.  “I heard you were in a psych ward twice—no judgment.  With all the things I’ve heard about you….  I thought maybe you’d know what to do.  How to make her better.”

Sam had no idea what his mental health history had to do with any of this.  Alicia, or some facsimile of her, had been injured and that was….  Sam nearly cringed at the realization of what had happened, but he managed to mask his concern.  If his guess was correct, it would be important to be a source of stability.  He knelt down on the hardwood floor in front of Max so that he wasn’t towering over the undoubtedly terrified witch.

He softened his facial expression and tone.  “Was this the first time she hurt herself?”

Max moved to wipe away a tear, but stopped when he saw that the wrists of his sweater had turned brown with blood.  He shook his head.

Sam pressed the issue.  “How many times has this happened?”

“Three.”  Max’s voice was too quiet.  “This morning, when I got things stable… I told her not to do anything until you got here.  She's just lying on her bed, waiting.”

It’d been months since Alicia had died.  The golem, doll—whatever she was—had probably been alive for that long.  The spell had needed her heart….  Sam pushed the mental image of what Max had done from his mind.  Whatever he personally might’ve thought of it, what was done was done.  Right then there was just a scared kid, who needed his help.  Sam glanced upstairs.  Actually, there were two scared kids.

“Max, I need you to tell me how this works.”  Sam tried to keep his tone somewhere between reassuring and academically curious.  “I’m not gonna try to stop it; I’m not gonna make her go away.  I just want to understand what we’re dealing with.”

“She’s almost her, almost Alicia.  She has all her memories, knows all our jokes.  She even hassles me when I try to drive.”  Max let out a sad sort of chuckle.  “I burned the body.  There’s no soul….  I don’t know—I don’t think there’s a soul.  I took her heart.  She has Alicia’s heart, but there’s no EMF....”

“Okay, so probably no soul.”  Sam tried to make his voice noncritical.  He needed to keep Max focused.  “Does she remember dying?”

“No, not really.  She doesn’t remember it, but sometimes she asks me questions about our mom’s death and….  She figures out something’s wrong; like there’s a piece missing.  Alicia was always smart.  She was nosy like that.”  Max’s lip wavered between a smile and a grimace, then he covered his face with his hands for a moment, heedless of the dried blood on them.  “When she realizes that something’s wrong I make her forget.  A few times it went too far before I knew she’d figured it out and she’d already hurt herself.  I can make her stop if she starts—she has to do whatever I tell her.  I don’t do that much, but when she hurts herself….”

Sam broke eye contact and nodded in acknowledgement of everything as he started trying to figure out what to do.  Max was dabbling in controlling her—whatever she was.  Despite his good intentions, he was getting ominously close to falling down a path of domination and abuse, the kind of power trip that gave witches a bad reputation.  It was dangerous on that level, but in an immediate sense Max’s actions were unintentionally harming the creature upstairs… the creature that had Alicia’s memories and personality.  In all probability she didn’t know what was going on, and none of this was her fault.

“You’re going to give up control," Sam instructed with the calm conviction of a man trying to impart subjective centuries of wisdom.  “You don’t get to tell her what to do anymore.”

Max’s brow to furrowed.  “What if she wants to kill herself again?”  

Thankfully, Max’s voice was more confused than resistant—he at least felt conflicted about controlling her.  Sam put his hand on Max’s shoulder in a gesture of comfort, then gently turned Max’s face to look him in the eyes, emphasizing the next point.

“If you think she’s having a hard time, you try to talk to her about it and get her help.  You don’t take away her personhood.”

“She’s not….”  Max was trembling, uncertain how to finish the sentence.

“I don’t care how she got here.  I don’t care if she doesn’t have a soul.  She has thoughts and feelings.  She thinks and feels that you’re her brother.”

Max clenched his eyes, feeling the anguish borne from his choices, then sighed.  “I know.”

“She’s your sister.”  Sam paused a beat to let that sink in.  He could tell Max was truly listening to him.  “Treat her with some respect.”

Sam politely knocked on the bedroom door despite suspecting that Max’s instruction for Alicia to do nothing probably applied until she became aware of his presence.  Sure enough, there was no answer.  He slowly opened the door and stepped into the small but lavishly decorated bedroom.

She was lying on top of her bed, wearing a previously cream colored blouse and blue jeans that were half-covered in maroon-brown stains.  Sizable, bloody gauze bandages covered both arms from her wrists to a few inches shy of her elbows.  She was staring straight up at the ceiling, completely frozen—not even breathing.  

On the floor beside the bed were several bowls of damp cloths and bloody water.  The nightstand held a porcelain tea set, ready to provide a soothing drink.  Evidently Max had been trying to tend to her before he’d gotten there.

“It’s me, Sam," he offered as a greeting and a harbinger of conversation.

As soon as he’d finished talking she seemed to revive.  Her chest started rising and falling in either a subtle guise or sincere self-delusion of breathing.  When he took a step closer, her half-open, bloodshot eyes watched him cautiously, then flicked away in embarrassment, self-consciously settling on her bandaged arms.  She pursed her lips and might’ve rolled her body away from him, but he suspected that she really was too exhausted to properly evade him.

“Can I sit down?” Sam asked.  When she didn’t answer, he took the liberty of pulling an armchair up to the side of her bed.  “I wanted to check on you, to see how you’re doing.”  

“You don’t know me.”  She spoke so quietly that Sam had to scoot a few inches closer.  “We haven’t met.”

“Maybe, maybe not.  Either way, you’re my friend and I’m concerned about you.”  Sam gave her a few seconds to process what he’d said and potentially argue with him, but she only blinked slowly.  “Do you know why you hurt yourself?”

“I… I think so,” she hesitantly replied.  "I wanted to know if I feel pain.... And—and after I started, I just... kept going. I want—I wanted it to stop."

“You certainly look like someone who’s in pain.”  Sam offered her that validation.  “Do you remember what physical pain feels like?  Do you have the memory from before you died?”

“Yeah.  When I was fourteen I was biking down a hill.  I slipped on some loose gravel and skidded along the ground; I lost most of the skin on my arm….”  Her face dimmed as she stared at the bandages.  “Alicia lost most of the skin on her arm.”

“Did cutting yourself hurt?”  He kept his tone somewhere along the lines of neutral interest.  The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was judging her.

“Not as much as I would’ve thought.”  Her words seemed heavy, burdened by her shame and disappointment.

Sam nodded subtly with profound appreciation for both her discovery and the unease it had created in her.  “Depression can do that.”

Alicia shifted her body so that she could look him in the eyes.  Her brow was furrowed slightly in confusion, but her lips were relaxed instead of scowling.  She was curious—a very welcome emotion, all things considered.

“How do you know I’m depressed?” she asked warily.

Sam gave a little shrug.  “I imagine I would be if I was in your position.”

“You’re a person,” she countered.  

“And you aren’t?”

She didn’t have a comeback for that.  They stared at each other:  him with a friendly smile on his face, her trying to figure out what he was getting at.  

Sam started checking the teapot that was on the nightstand; it was still warm.  He began pouring himself a cup of tea in an attempt to fill the silence with an act of utter normalcy while giving her whatever time she needed.

“I… I don’t think I have a soul,” she replied after almost a minute.

“I didn’t have a soul for about a year and a half," Sam commented, then sipped his tea.  “Even though I was a bit disjointed back then, I was still a person.”

She inched toward the head of the bed in an attempt at partially sitting up to give him more of her attention.  He put down his teacup and helped reposition the pillows for her.  Her eyes were more lively and her mouth moved a bit, experimenting with voicing a thought.

“What do you mean by disjointed?”

“I felt numb.  I was confused about what was happening to me, but I wasn’t really scared.  Nothing scared me.”  Sam pursed his lips at the unpleasant memory.  “Things didn’t feel as real—I think I was fine with that at the time, once I knew why everything was the way it was.”

“Do you hate him?”

Sam didn’t respond at first.  He knew that she was probably drawing parallels between herself and the version of him that had existed without a soul.  He didn’t want to be dismissive or insulting to his former self and risk her taking it as a reflection on herself as opposed to him.  But at the same time he wasn’t prepared to lie to her in some shortsighted ploy to protect her.  She’d already lived through too much deception in her short life.

“There’s no ‘him,’ not in the way most people think of it.  He’s just me under different circumstances.”  Sam chewed his lip a bit, struggling to find the right words to explain the relationship.  “When I was him….  He did things that I wouldn’t do now, but I understand why he made those choices.  I don’t hate him.  I used to a little, back before I started trying to accept myself.”

“What kinds of things did you do back then, things you wouldn’t do now?”

“I was single-minded, mostly about hunting.  I wanted to be as good a hunter as I could, and…” Sam swallowed a bit of his emotion. “...I was unrelenting.  I killed people that didn’t need to die, because it was efficient.”

“There was something wrong with you, because you didn’t have a soul,” she suggested.

“I didn’t have a soul because there was something wrong with me.  There’s a difference.”  Sam pointed out the false equivalence.  “I’ve known plenty of people without souls who’ve been better than I was.  A human, angels, vampires, even a demon or two—”

“But they’re….”  She looked around, eyes trying to avoid his.  “I don’t know who I am or what’s real.”

“Soul or not, I’ve been in a similar position a few times before,” Sam offered, tapping experience gained from far too many incidents for a single lifetime.  “I’ve been confused about reality, not being sure if I can believe my own eyes or my memories.  It’s frightening.”

“Are you still frightened?”

“Sometimes, but over the years I’ve gotten better.”  Sam smiled for her benefit, but also at the realization that it was the truth.  “That’s why I’m here, talking to you about this.  Maybe I don't understand everything about what you're going through, but you trying to explain it to me... that's the foundation we build on. That's how we try to make it all less frightening."

“It’s not the same.”  She shook her head.  “You’re real.”

“And I’m saying that you’re real.  Maybe you aren’t human, but you’re definitely a person.”

“I’m a puppet.”

“Puppets don’t have existential crises.”

He expected her to argue with him, but she just sat for a moment.  Her chest heaved a few times with a series of what he hoped were deep, calming breaths.  She looked back down at her bandaged arms for a long while, then up at him.

“What am I supposed to do?”

His heart nearly ached with sympathy and a glimmer of hope.  “You’re going to hurt.”  He got right to the hard truth—she deserved the truth.  “Your brother isn’t going to erase the pain anymore and he won’t be telling you what to do.”

“He… he was just trying to….”  Alicia started tearing up.

Sam slowly moved to sit down on the bed next to her, carefully telegraphing his intent and watching for signs that she was uncomfortable.  He gently pulled her into a hug and could feel her begin sobbing.  She tried to wrap her arms around him, but her forearms were too damaged or too painful to really manipulate.  Instead she rolled her shoulders forward, burying as much of herself in his embrace as possible.

“You’ve been violated, betrayed—I get that.  I know your brother had good intentions, but it was selfish of him to do that to you.  You’re allowed to be upset.”  Sam assured her, then held her back away from him so that he could look her in the eyes.  “It’s going to take a long time for the trust to come back.  You two trusting each other.  You trusting yourself.  But I want you to know that I trust you.”

“Sam, I….”  Alicia’s mouth moved, but she couldn’t get the words out.  She looked down and shook her head in a distinctly ashamed tell.

“It’s okay.  You can tell me anything," Sam encouraged her.  “I won’t be upset.”

“What… what…” Her breath hitched as she started crying again.  “What if I’m evil?”

He wrapped her in another hug and held her tightly.  She nuzzled into his chest, allowing herself to be comforted—something for which he was deeply grateful.  His hand softly rubbed her back as she wept.

“It’s okay,” he whispered.  “Let it out.”

When she was done sobbing, she looked incredibly exhausted—understandably so.  He carefully helped her into a sitting position, leaning her against the headboard.  She partially drew her knees up toward her chest, but she didn’t seem nearly as withdrawn.  While she was repositioning, Sam grabbed a box of tissues for her, then picked up the teapot.  He held it, ready to pour a second cup, then looked to her.  After a moment she nodded.

“You know, worrying that you might be evil is actually a good sign.”  Sam moved to hand her the teacup, but realized she might have trouble holding it with her injured arms.  He gingerly held the cup up to be in front of her lips, then gave a diminutive, apologetic shrug.  A reflective smile flickered on her face before she leaned forward and took a sip.  “Let me tell you a story.  Back when I was a little younger than you, I started getting psychic visions….”

#spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #Sam Winchester #max banes #alicia banes #spn #supernatural #spn 12x20 #twigs & twine & tasha banes