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calliesmemes · 2 months

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ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“ Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“ Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“ Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“ Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“ They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“ Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“ Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“ Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“ What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“ I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“ I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“ I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“ The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“ Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“ If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“ I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“ My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“ There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“ You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“ I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“ I really do hate thinking. ”

“ In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“ I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“ Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“ Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“ So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“ Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“ The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“ Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“ The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“ I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“ Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“ What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“ Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“ RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“ Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“ My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“ It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“ Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“ How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“ I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“ You look so biteable today. ”

“ Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“ I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“ Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“ Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“ Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“ Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“ I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“ Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“ I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“ Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“ I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“ Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“ You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“ You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“ It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“ Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“ No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“ No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“ I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“ Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“ Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“ I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“ Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“ I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“ Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“ Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“ Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“ May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“ I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“ You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“ Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“ Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“ All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“ How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“ What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“ I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“ Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“ Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“ I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“ Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“ I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“ You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“ Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“ Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“ I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“ If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“ Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“ Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“ I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“ Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

#askbox meme #askbox prompt #rp ask meme #ask box #roleplay sentence meme #sentence starters #roleplay prompts #roleplay sentence starters #* sentence meme

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marionthegeek · 6 months

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Stede is in the Gravy Basket, Izzy is Alive

The season 2 finale of Our Flag Means Death is odd. It hits weird. I think I know why. And this is going to sound bananas, but give me a chance to explain. Maybe you’ll agree.

It has a huge tonal shift. It seems to speedrun Stede and Ed’s romance. It feels like we’ve missed out on something from the end of episode 7. The fight scenes and pirate plans are nonsensical, even for OFMD. And most egregiously, a prominent character is killed off in a way that feels disingenuous to his story arc, just for starters.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. We need to go back to the beginning of season 2. The season opens with Stede looking more piratey than ever. Beard, sash, earring… oh he’s his own fantasy of a real proper pirate. He’s clashing swords with Izzy Hands and demanding to know where Ed is. He’s dreaming. In the dream he kills Izzy. He and Ed run into each other’s arms while screaming each other’s names. They crash into the surf. Ed says “I knew you’d find me, Babe. I knew you’d find me, Love.” Stede keeps asking if they’re good. Ed dodges the question. Then Ed asked about the smell. Stede wakes up in a crowded room with farting and shushing roommates.

At first I thought the finale was supposed to be just a “satisfying” mirror to Stede’s dream. Stede and Ed call each other’s names and run into each other’s arms in a display that resembles a more grown up version of Stede’s dream fantasy. There’s some wild sword fighting not unlike Stede’s dream duel with Izzy. And Izzy dies.

It does mirror, but I didn’t find it satisfying. All of the characters except Stede feel flattened. Stede gets to make the heroic plan (that we never even hear) while there’s at least five pirates with better skill sets for it in the room. Ed, as Blackbeard, was described last season as “History’s greatest tactician”; Zheng Yi Sao conquered China; Jackie just took out a room full of British soldiers. Izzy and Auntie are right there. You could make arguments that Jim or Frenchie, or pretty much anyone could make a better plan. Then Stede says “It’s only suicide if we die,” which is horrible considering the plan gets Izzy killed.

Stede’s really the only person in that room who thinks Stede should be making the plans. So I got to thinking, what if it's not just mirroring the dream? What if it is a dream? Last shot of episode 7 is an incoming cannonball. Maybe he’s unconscious.

Huge shout out to @Arty_Sunflowers on twitter (I’m not calling it X, fuck Musk) for pointing out that that isn’t the only episode that ends with a cannonball. Episode 2 ends with Jim swinging a cannonball down at Ed’s head. Stede’s not just dreaming, he’s in the Gravy Basket!!!! (Stede even screams “Oh my God!” at the end of episode 7 in the same tone he screams “Oh my God, I don’t want to die.” in s1e9.

Stede’s hopes, dreams, and insecurities shape everything in the finale. And it helps explain the absurdities in the episode when you remember that Stede is living out pulp adventure and romance novels in his head. (He even looks like someone on the cover of one in his episode 1 dream.) But Stede can’t be dead, you say. He’s literally the main character. Well, Ed was dead for a whole episode. Let’s take a closer look.

I could and probably will do another essay on Lucius as a POV character and Ed’s mental health and how the threads they seemed to have dropped aren’t as dropped as they appear. But all of that hinges on me proving the Stede is in the Gravy Basket theory. So for this essay I’m focusing on that.

So for starters we’ve got the cannonball scenes. They’re eerily similar even if the method of cannonball propulsion is different. We don’t know Ed is dead and in the Gravy Basket for about half of episode 3. Neither does he. It makes logical sense you can be there without realizing it for a while. Buttons even said Ed didn’t know whether he was in the Gravy Basket or not in episode 4. It definitely messes with your reality.

One of Ed’s issues is self hate. He manifests Hornigold as his companion. Stede is desperate to be a good pirate and have people be proud of him. And he lives in his fantasies a lot. So his dream shapes his experience. There’s a whole bit about Zheng needing “soft” and Auntie saying she’s proud of her. That isn’t their issue. It’s discordant with the show previously. But it is Stede’s issue. He’s manifesting.

When we first see Stede and Zheng in episode 8, they’re in a familiar spot for Stede, the bridge from episode 1. But why are they alone? When we last see Stede and Zheng in episode 7, several characters are within 5 to 10 feet of them. Did none of them decide to escape with Stede? Izzy, Lucius, and Jim are closest. But we know Pete was there begging Stede to stay down during his fight with Zheng. Archie was definitely in the bar. That's why Jim entered the fight. So why is it only Stede and Zheng at the bridge? Because, going back to rescue others fits into Stede's hero fantasies.

Zheng and Stede also argue about who pulled who to safety and how they got there. Stede waxes poetic about being a failure his whole life, but things always seem to work out for him. He’s such a main character mediocre white guy in this scene. He saves Zheng from two random soldiers, then she has to save him from them. Then they fight a bunch more soldiers on the beach until Blackbeard manifests in full leather from the ocean. It looks cool. But it's absurd, even for OFMD.

Speaking of Ed, he begins the episode waxing poetic about nature and calling fishermen simple. Those things are more Stede than Ed. Pop pop tells Ed, “You have no skills” which is something Izzy said to Stede in episode 5. He also tells Ed, “If you were ever good at something, go do that, you bum.” If Stede’s insecurities could be distilled into one sentence, it would probably be that. (He also talks about being like a wave. I’m not 100% sure it's a The Good Place joke, but it would be thematically appropriate.)

Pop pop also tells Ed he “ruined dinner.” Back in season 1, in Stede’s flashbacks to life with Mary and the kids, Stede thinks he’s ruined dinner. But remember, we also see another version of the scene where Stede is laughing with Mary and the kids. Stede isn’t exactly a reliable narrator. Even in his own head.

Despite it being beyond unlikely, Ed finds soldiers reading one of Stede’s letters. I know physics in this show is sketchy, but this seems like a good time to point out no one found the red silk. Stede wants Ed to read a letter and for it to fix everything between them. The letter, plus Stede being in danger, make Ed swim out, find his leathers, and emerge from the sea with them on, while the music is the Swede’s solo from Stede’s fuckery in s1e6. Stede wants to be rescued by his handsome pirate in leather, again, just like a pulp adventure romance novel. Little chance of Ed swimming out and finding his kit. Even less of him getting leather pants on under the water.

Back to the beach… for some reason two squads of soldiers are wandering around out on an empty beach. A visually incredible fight scene occurs. It honestly reminds me of Pete’s story in s1e2, including flips. Ed and Stede yell each other’s names exactly as in the dream. Like I’m pretty sure they used the same audio track. The same song (I Love My Baby, Nina Simone) starts playing. Ed says “I love you.” Stede says “I know.” (We’ll come back to the Han Solo joke in a minute.) They have a bit more absurd fighting then Ed, Stede, and Zheng sit on the beach complimenting each other. And Ed calls Stede “babe”. He’s never done that outside of Stede’s dream and this moment. He’s called him mate a couple of times. Babe is exclusively in Stede’s head.

Back in the Republic of Pirates, the crew are locked in a cell that is actually the “vista suite” at Spanish Jackie’s. Izzy gets a heroic entrance. It’s as cool as Stede thinks Izzy is. And he gives a speech that sounds like what he probably told Stede to get him to relinquish the suit in episode 5. Piracy is about belonging to something. You can’t ignore the wishes of the crew. Izzy also knows details about Captain Kidd and Pinocchio. Not impossible, but not exactly Izzy’s wheelhouse. It is Stede’s though. He’s obsessed with pirate tales and he read Pinocchio to the crew.

Stede, Ed, and Zheng show up just as Jackie has poisoned a bunch of soldiers. Stede makes a plan, despite everyone else being more qualified. Everyone disguises themselves as soldiers. Now we’ve seen the crew of the Revenge wear disguises. They never do the weird free styling they do here. Only Stede actually looks like a British officer. Zheng at least wears the disguise properly. Suddenly Ed has a multi gun bandolier like Blackbeard in the books. Pete ripped the arms off. Izzy is still wearing his vest. Doesn’t make sense if we’re going for stealth. Neither does not checking hostage Ricky for weapons or putting Izzy and his wooden leg at the front of the group.

If I'm right, Stede wouldn't know Ricky was behind the explosions. However, Ricky is basically evil Stede. He's Stede's perfect foil. All of this is reflecting Stede's psyche. So, of course, it's Ricky.

Izzy gets shot and says quite a lot of nonsense in his death scene. “They love you, Ed.” Um, 3 of them were going to leave like five minutes ago. Ed has made some progress with the crew, but we’re not at “they love you Ed”. The only person who thinks the crew loves Ed is Stede. Stede who weeps for Izzy while most of the crew aren’t showing much emotion. Stede can barely deal with his own big feelings. His fantasy doesn’t give the crew room to have them. Also, given the rest of the season, having Jim just let Ed be the person cradling Izzy doesn’t fit. The crew is also pretty stony at Izzy’s funeral.

I feel like it should be noted the last shot of Izzy in episode 7, he’s got one are around Jim and a hand on Lucius’s shoulder. He sat in Wee John’s lap in episode 6. Reactions to his death don’t make sense.

Also, Izzy’s terrible grave marker is very … Stede. He’d think it was a brilliant idea.

I didn't understand at first why Izzy had to die, even in Stede's dream world. Stede clearly likes him a lot better now. Why kill him? Well, it's because we're supposed to think Buttons is there to go to the Gravy Basket for Izzy. When actually he's already arrived in the Gravy Basket and he's there for Stede. Also, mentors die in pulp adventure novels. Stede sees Izzy as a mentor.

They go aboard the Revenge for Lucius and Pete’s wedding. It’s cute that the crew performs the ceremony, but I’d venture a guess that’s because Stede doesn’t know a captain should do it if it's legally binding. Stede does love the romance of it all. The sudden uptick in monogamy is also very Stede. He barely understands monogamous relationships. Polyamory is beyond him.

Then Stede and Ed, who earlier told Zheng they’d help hunt Ricky, go back to the island where Izzy is buried to start an inn in a run down shack. Stede knows Ed wants to do this because Ed told the (Taika’s) kids that they ran an inn. We hear Ed ask “Jesus, what is that smell?” Now, at first, I thought Izzy, because Ed “knows the smell of my rotting first mate”. But what was the last thing to happen in Stede’s dream? A fart joke.

Last scene is Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave. To retrieve Izzy from the Gravy Basket? No, Izzy’s not dead. He’s with Jim and Lucius, probably watching over Stede’s corpse. Buttons is there to retrieve Stede.

This theory fixes the plot holes and dropped threads problem. We’re coming back to them next season. Ed's amends making should be far from over. And we see several moments during the season where he acknowledged that. And yet here on the island they've set up a horror movie and called it a happy ending. Well, Stede is the type of boss who thinks things are fixed with a pizza (Calypso) party. In Stede's mind, this is a happy ending. But really Ed is still off finding himself, Stede is (temporarily) dead, and Izzy (who is not dead!) is probably guarding Stede's corpse.

They haven't resolved the domestic violence thread, but they haven't dropped it, either. Izzy is alive. Stede and Ed aren't together (yet). There's still time.

This also explains some of the freewheeling nonsense David Jenkins has been spouting in articles. Ed doesn’t see Izzy as a father figure and mentor, Stede does. Stede almost turned to mush when Izzy approved of him. And David is writing a three volume adventure novel. Han Solo (Stede) is in carbonate (the Gravy Basket). The perfect end to the second act. See, I told you we’d get back to the Han Solo joke.

I still have problems with the season. I really think they need a sensitivity reader. Even just implying a newly disabled character was fridged is certainly a choice. Especially given the amount of time devoted to how the character handled the disability. The DV scenes were brutal, as well as the suicide attempt, and the Human Puppet joke. I think they need someone trauma informed and disabled in the writer's room. (David Jenkins hit me up!)

Overall, I liked season 2. Especially once I realized Izzy wasn't dead. I'm looking forward to season 3, the conclusion of the Gentle Beard arc, and hopefully 6 seasons and a movie of Izzy (to be clear, he's not captain) and the kids sailing up and down the coast being gay and doing crimes, occasionally checking in with Stede and Ed.

Seriously, David, call me.

Historical Note: IRL Blackbeard died on November 22, 1718, killed in a naval battle off Ocracoke Island in North Carolina. IRL Stede Bonnet died December 10, 1718, hanged in Charles Town, South Carolina for piracy. IRL Israel “Izzy” Hands survives piracy, death date unknown. I know this show doesn’t actually care about historical accuracy, but this lends a little support for my Ed died, then Stede died, and Izzy isn’t dead theory.

#our flag means death #ofmd #izzy hands #stede bonnet #gravy basket #Izzy Hands lives #David Jenkins I just want to talk

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valeriehalla · 7 months

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I don’t know what to do about the internet. It’s getting worse, and getting worse faster than I think any of us ever could have imagined even just six years ago. Tumblr shot itself in the heart at the behest of Apple, at the behest of whichever nameless evangelical finance perverts are in charge of credit card policy, whereupon people like me (artists and people who like art) fled in droves to Twitter, the present state of which I don’t have it in me to be funny about.

Even after that one-two punch, Twitter and Tumblr are still the only (major) social media platforms I can stand to use. I mean, they’re the last ones left where you can, for example, see posts that your friends have made. I might have said that that seemed like the whole point of social media; every digital elsewhere has now collectively agreed that it is, in fact, social media’s greatest flaw. Your friends like to hang out and post weird jokes and titty drawings — they don’t know the first thing about your favorite marketing trends, let alone your unslakable thirst for 30-second phone videos. We have to move on: I’ll die if I think about it.

Uh — I wanna let you in a little. Here’s where I’m at, okay? I’m working on this project. I like it a lot: it’s a writing thing and an art thing and a music thing all at the same time. I’m still struggling with art burnout, but every day I get to sit down and write or compose for this thing is an unending delight, so on the balance it’s been great to work on. It’s taken me a while to get here, though — I’ve blown past all my estimates about when it’d be done. Still, it won’t be much longer.

In the mean time, I keep having these compulsive worries. I feel that I should be posting, but the nature of a long-form project like this is that I don’t have anything to post. I tweet complete nothings now and then, as if to announce my presence, like a lighthouse pulsing in the distance. And every week the websites get worse. They’re bleeding out, and it feels like some of my blood’s in there, maybe. Like, maybe you’d call me naïve, but it wasn’t that long ago that I really, really liked all this online stuff. I never had the hustle culture mindset about it: by good luck alone I managed to make a living posting the stuff I wanted to post on the places I wanted to post it.

The places I liked to post don’t exist anymore. My experience of using the internet feels hostile, alien. The ground beneath all our feet feels eggshell-thin.

But I have to use the internet: it’s where my stuff goes. It’s where all of you are. Here is where art and artists and art-likers live.

The things I love live here, in precarity, as the saw blades and lava traps of our digital dungeon grow every day more numerous.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that the web sucks now, but as long as we’re here — and we will be here — I want to try loving it again anyway. I want to untangle myself from all this disappointment and expectation and try simply “vibing” again. I wanna use cohost more: I’ll even crosspost stuff to Tumblr like I keep saying I should. I’m making a cool thing and I should show it off! I should relearn how to draw a little doodle and post it without feeling like it’s a suboptimal use of my time or whatever!! I want to believe in what joy may find us, though our world be a dumpster.

#text

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subway-tolkien · 6 months

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Okay, this is 1600 words of (positive!) meta regarding the OFMD finale. Included is character analysis and a treatise on why a certain trope people keep throwing around does not apply here.

This is of course just my take, and I'm sure people will disagree, but I needed to get this out. Apologies if it comes off disjointed, I've had like no sleep.

Spoilers within, obviously. You have been warned. Heed the tags. I didn't tag any characters because I consider it a spoiler, but you know who this is about.

Listen. Listen.

Let me start off by saying I have been where you are. I’ve had beloved characters die, either because it was important to the narrative or for shock value. I’ve been there, so I’m not coming at this without empathy. I’m not an Izzy hater. I loved him as a character. I’m truly sad to see him go.

But from what I’m seeing around Twitter and tumblr, some of you do not understand the role of an antagonist in a story.

Izzy was always meant to die. The moment he said, in the first season, “the only retirement we get is death,” I knew he was meant to die in the end. The foreshadowing ran through both seasons. Izzy was the true antagonist of S1. He was there to keep Blackbeard tethered when he started pulling away, and yet he also set the plot in motion. He inadvertently introduced Blackbeard to the person who let him be just Ed. He put Ed on his own path to redemption without even knowing it.

S1 ended with Izzy getting what he wanted as Ed lost everything he had. S2 was about Izzy coming to terms with the fact that he’d gone too far, he’d turned Ed into a monster. It wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted Blackbeard back, just like old times. Instead, he got the Kraken, and it was more than he bargained for.

Especially after it cost him his leg and he realized how far gone Ed really was. The conversation that ended with Izzy’s half-assed suicide attempt was the final blow to Izzy—Ed really didn’t seem to care anymore. Where Izzy wanted him to stop giving a shit about his silly boyfriend, he instead got a Blackbeard who didn’t care about anything, and he was apparently now included in that category.

(I said half-assed suicide attempt because Izzy wasn’t meant to die then, THAT would have been an empty, pointless death. It wouldn’t have taught Ed anything—in fact, all it did was make him more self-destructive, which was Izzy’s purpose to the narrative, but not his endgame. That Ed thought Izzy killed himself pushed Ed to the brink. Ed wanted to die and take every scrap of Blackbeard with him. Had Izzy successfully killed himself, Ed and the Revenge would be at the bottom of the ocean.

It wasn’t until the crew left Izzy the unicorn leg that he realized the power of compassion, the incredible act of grace from a crew that suffered so much from Izzy’s own machinations and didn't need to forgive him. It moved him to tears, and it moved him to accept that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to let people in, to let himself be cared for. It was a foreign concept and something Izzy likely hadn’t experienced since losing his family (I fully expect a shit ton of fanfic of Izzy’s life before piracy).

Israel Hands found the capacity to let love all the way in and by god, did he pursue it.

But, again, Izzy was always meant to die, and I’m glad they stuck to the narrative they set out with instead of placating fandom and letting our influence dictate how they told this story That’s never good, trust me. Fandom should not influence a creator’s decisions regarding their own characters. It rarely if ever ends well.

[Stares in Voltron S8]

And I see a lot of people out here throwing the “bury your gays” phrase around—I beg you, please look up the definition of the trope. Izzy didn’t die because he was queer, he didn’t die because of his disability. He wasn’t one half of the only queer couple in the show fridged for shock value. He wasn’t killed off due to pressure from conservative viewers. He wasn’t the only queer, disabled character.

They didn’t kill off Lucius, or Jackie, or Wee John. Would you be as outraged if it was any of them?

Killing Eve is bury your gays. Supernatural is bury your gays. Pretty much any film, book, TV show, whatever, where a queer character dies because they’re queer, of AIDs, to further the narrative for a straight person, etc—that is burying your gays.

Izzy’s death was none of those things. Izzy’s death had meaning.

Izzy’s death freed Ed from the Blackbeard persona. It finally forced Izzy to say the things he couldn’t say until he realized it was his last chance. Izzy was also tired. I honestly think he stuck it out for Ed’s sake, because he was afraid to let Blackbeard go without making sure Ed would be ok.

He loved the idea of Blackbeard, but over time, he learned to love Ed. He finally understood what Ed tried to tell him the whole time.

“Fuck off, you twat. You’re surrounded by family.”

You’re safe. You’re loved. You don’t need me anymore. You don’t need to be reminded of who you’re capable of being, you need the people who will guide you to who you will become, and I’m not one of them.

I know a lot of Izzy fans are stung by his death, some of you are deeply upset. I get that. Like I said, I’ve been there. Sirius’s death made me throw that fucking book across the room. That Fucking Woman™ killed off my entire OTP, purely for shock value and, imho, a direct response to shippers. Trust me, I have felt betrayed by a creator for their decisions.

But I need you to understand that no, this was not a personal attack, this was not malicious, this was not “bury your gays." A show that celebrates queerness and diversity is not suddenly homophobic and ableist because your favorite character died and happened to be both of those things. But when the majority of your cast of characters is different in some way, and they’re in a show about 18th century pirates, you have to accept that one of them could, in fact, die. “Anyone Can Die” is also a trope and the more accurate one to describe E8.

If only being queer and disabled made you invincible.

Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

And no, I’m not an Izzy hater. I loved him, I loved him as an antagonist, and I loved his redemption arc. He was fascinating and Con put his whole O’Nussy into that part. I’m sorry to see him go, but as a mystery writer who often has to kill off beloved characters, I understand that he served the purpose he had from the beginning.

I swear, if some of you had your way, there’d be no conflict at all in any form of media. This what a steady diet of nothing but fanfic gets you. This is not a fluffy one-shot with magical healing dick and a happy ending where everyone sails off into the sunset. If that’s what you wanted, what you headcanoned, you did this to yourself. It’s not David et al’s fault that we took that character and babygirled him. That’s the risk we take when we decide to love a specific character, when we take a genuinely terrible person (in S1) and woobify him.

So, please stop harassing and attacking David, Alex, et al. David did not and should not change his story to placate us. The fact he went ahead with it despite the backlash I’m sure he expected makes me respect him as a creator even more.

Anyway, I’m going to revel that we have three (!) queer relationships with happy endings where one or both didn’t immediately die (again, the actual definition of “bury your gays”) and that we got at least two seasons of a little show that celebrated individualism, diversity, queerness, compassion, and love.

In the end, it all came down to love.

“There he is.”

Goodbye, Blackbeard.

Hello, Ed.

#ofmd spoilers #ofmd season two spoilers #ofmd finale spoilers #ofmd finale #Meta #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death

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marjorie189 · 14 days

Text

Solo Trip (A Jude Bellingham Imagine) Part 2

Jude Bellingham x Mexican!femreader

It's specifically a Mexican reader but there's cute Jude moments on here I think everyone should have a read at :)

Click here to read Part 1!

contains: social media au & text messages!

wc: 6,571 (in total of pt. 1 & 2)

summary: Y/N goes away on a trip to Mexico much to Jude's dismay!

includes: suggestive content and sexting!

I don't see much love for us Mexican and Brown girlies on here so I must deliver 🫡 I honestly had SO much fun writing and creating this, I hope you all enjoy it! I really connected to this post and poured out all my love and devotion to it!

meanwhile y/n and jude oblivious to the whole twitter situation:

judebellingham posted a story

vinijr posted a story

back to twitter:

video:

Guy in the photo talking to his friend

Guy in photo: “Ey, ey, ella que no es la novia de jude?” (Hey, hey, isn’t that jude’s girlfriend?) He points out starstruck, pointing at Y/N who was nearby.

Friend: “¿Parece que sí es?” (It seems like she is?) His friend replied recognizing her.

Guy in photo: “Oye le pediré foto?” (Hey, should I ask her for a photo?) He nervously asks. “¡Tal vez me menciona a Jude!” (Maybe she’ll mention me to Jude!)

Friend: “¿estás bien hermano? ¡Tú crees que van a platicar de ti! Ay wey en realidad estas mal” (Are you good bro? You think they’re going to talk about you? Oh dude, you’re so wrong!)

Guy: “callate! ¡No me arruines mis esperanzas! si hay hasta una pequeña posibilidad de que Jude simplemente escuche de mí por parte de t/n, ¡moriré feliz!” (Shut up! Don’t ruin my hopes! If there’s even a slight chance of Jude hearing of me from Y/N, I’ll die happy!) The boy smiled, determined to go up to Y/N.

Friend: está bien, vamos (fine, let’s go)

The two boys appeared to walk, on video, towards Y/N.

They tapped her on her shoulder once they had reached her. She turns around, appearing on camera.

Y/N smiles kindly at them.

Guy: Hola perdón por molestarte. Es que soy un gran fan de Jude. ¿Está bien si nos tomemos una foto? (Hey, sorry to bother you. It’s just that I’m a huge fan of Jude. Is it okay if we take a photo?)

Y/N smiled widely at the question.

Y/N: “¡Claro!” (Of course!)

They both pose for the infamous photo and the friend retrieves it from the video.

Guy: “Gracias t/n!” Te lo agradezco.” (Thank you Y/N! I appreciate it) The boy expresses. Y/N smiles and nods at the fan.

Y/N: “¡Por nada! Tengan una bonita noche, que la disfruten!” (You’re welcome! Have a great night guys, enjoy it!) Y/N wishes, ready to part ways.

Guy: “¡Me saludas a Jude, porfa!” (Say hello to Jude for me, please!) The guy pleads, causing Y/N to giggle at the interaction.

Y/N: “Cuéntalo hecho!” (Count it as done!) Y/N smiles before walking away. Keeping her promise, later that night mentioning the encounter to Jude.

Y/N leaves and the friend starts to scold his friend.

Friend: “No manches! Salistes bien amargado en la foto wey!” (Seriously? You came out so bitter in the photo, dumbass!)

Guy: Es que estaba bien nervioso hermano. O sea es la novia de Jude Bellingham!” (It’s because I was so nervous, bro! I mean it’s Jude Bellingham’s girlfriend!) The boy exclaims to his friend. “¡Cómo crees que me sentia! Estoy por las nubes!” (How do you think I felt? I’m over the moon!)

Video ends

Back to Y/N & Jude:

yourusername

liked by yourmom, judebellingham, erling.haaland and 369,583 others

yourusername en el coleadero y empolvada 🏇 dia seis! (in the coleadero [a horse sports event] and dusty 🏇 day six!)

view all comments

yourmom you look so cute mija (darling)

yourusername thank you mami i love you! 💜

com1 she looks adorable in the first pic!

com2 okay but the sky!!!

erling.haaland I didn’t expect Jude to last this long without you! I just know he’s hanging on by a thread 🤣 I hope you’re having a great time out there y/n/n

com3 i’m dead erling 💀

judebellingham trust me mate I am not doing well

yourusername you know he’s the biggest baby erl!! Thank you ☺️

judebellingham you look hermosa!

yourusername did you use google translate? 😂 but thank you bebe 🥰

com4 A+ for effort lmao

yourusername

liked by judebellingham, jesusortizpazfr, and 397,539 others

yourusername bailes en el rancho son mis favoritos! ya estamos listos para mañana 🥳 day 7 (dances at the ranch are my favorite! we’re ready for tomorrow 🥳)

view all comments

yourusername before anyone mentions my cousin on the last pic, he took me out to dance bc I was the only one from my primas (female cousins) who was standing alone at the baile while the rest were dancing w their mans🥺

com1 y/n better than me bc if my man didn’t know how to dance and I was at a baile I would be dancing!! not my fault my man don’t wanna learn

com2 you look like so much fun!

com3 the vibe in all of her daily dumps are EVERYTHING!

com4 I miss mexico now 😩

primo.user (cousin.user) mi compañera de baile MAS favorita!! 💃🏼 (my MOST favorite dance partner!! 💃🏼)

yourusername gracias por sacarme a bailar me moría de ganas (thank you for taking me out to dance, i was dying to dance!)

com5 Not y/n wanting to dance but couldn’t bc she’s a faithful woman! props to her cousin for standing up 👏

judebellingham la mas chula 😘 (the prettiest 😘)

yourusername you got me blushing bellingham 🤭 i’m glad you’ve got the google translate app installed

com5 not jop in the likes

com7 fr, first peso now jop

com8 jop didn’t have it in him to leave a comment like peso pluma thooo

com9 damn they’re already pregaming for the feria (festival) tomorrow

messages:

Twitter:

yourusername

liked by judebellingham and 387,437 others

yourusername sabado de gloria was one for the books ❤️‍🔥 mi mexico querido, el pais con tradiciones increibles 🥹 (saturday of glory was one for the books ❤️‍🔥 my beloved mexico, the country with incredible traditions 🥹)

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com1 okay bc Jude with a Mexican girlfriend was something I never expected but they’re so cute together!!! 💗

com2 the cultural difference between them is mind blowing but i kinda like it

com3 okay it’s been a week we need Jude and Y/N back together ASAP

judebellingham mi niña bonita 😍 I hope you’re having a blast darling!

yourusername the spanish better not stop when I get home because it’s so cute!

judebellingham i’m thanking google translate rn 🙏🏽

com4 that last pic is so aestheticly pleasing

com5 okay now I understand why Y/N had to go to Mexico!! That looks like sm fun

com6 fr i was like why would she ever leave Jude but I see why now

com7 her outfit and boots are so cute 🤩

Y/N’s POV:

I spread my limbs throughout the comfy bed but not as comfortable as the one awaiting me back home. My eyes flutter open, as I bask in my last morning in Mexico.

The morning sun shining through the window, brightening up the room. I take one last look through the window, the tree tall and green, dogs laying out on the ground, the pretty plants and the great range of mountains surrounding the rancho.

I let out a deep sigh as I sat up in bed, a mixed emotion about leaving this place. Leaving the peaceful and warm lifestyle that is Mexico was always heart wrenching but my skin tingles at the thought of going back home. Not a home, like a house or a place but Jude. Jude is my home.

I smiled at the thought of him and a warmth at my core enlights.

A home cooked meal was already awaiting me in the kitchen and family slowly started filling my grandparents' home to say their goodbyes.

I frown at the thought of leaving them but I know life would never be the same if I stayed.

The time is approaching to my last minutes with everyone. An emotional goodbye to the animals, the beautiful home that holds many wonderful memories, and of course to all of my family especially my grandparents.

“Te amamos mija. Ya sabes que aqui siempre esta tu casa, (we love you darling. You know that you’ll always have your home here” My grandma tells and we pull each other into a tight hug.

I wipe the tears that we are threatening to spill.

“Hasta luego muñeca que dios la bendiga! (Until next time doll god bless you!)” My grandpa expressed as he kissed my cheek, pulling me into his arms.

After all the goodbyes, my uncle started the truck and loaded my luggages.

On our way to the airport I watched the landscapes contentedly and whispered my goodbyes to the familiar roads.

yourusername posted two stories

judebellingham posted a story

taglist: @annab-nana @hoodpankow @alaynahope714 @jeyramarie @lemur46 @goldenroutledge @valluvsu @paleprincessturtle @hoelesslyt @drewsephrry @northernstarkey

All pics are from Pinterest!

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham fan fiction #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham x you #mexican!reader #mexican reader #latina reader #jude bellingham x mexican!reader #jude bellingham x latina!reader

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rentumblsstuff · 2 months

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Random Hatchetfield Headcanons

The first time Alice Woodward ever smoked weed was when (after much inner turmoil) she asked Deb to shotgun it with her.

Max has two snaggletoothed incisors which is why people swear to god he has fangs.

Deb also has a snaggletooth which is what inspired the vampire part of Alice’s vampiric sapphic play. Alice also thinks it’s ironic she made a vampire character when Deb is a vegan.

Ruth as a Sophmore hit on Senior Alice a lot. Alice thought it was funny and she and Deb “adopted” her. Max and Steph also put the PANIC in bi panic for Ruth.

Max would find it weirdly hot that Grace wears bathing suits under her clothes because of the idea that he gets to see what her body looks like before even she does.

The hospital is downtown, so Becky Barnes definitely got infected in TGWDLM. Despite never wanting to do it again, Becky climbs the tree as someone calls the HFPD to save Kathy’s cat because she’s still infinitely compassionate even under Pokey’s control. Plus, Pokey knows she wants to get over the trauma associated with climbing trees, so he makes her do it to give her a big number about finally overcoming her past. She accidentally flings the cat as soon as the song starts, which is why in Show Me Your Hands, the cat dies so quickly even though it JUST got called in.

Peter infected Steph who infected Deb who infected Alice in TGWDLM. Pete and Steph would have been Sophomores and Deb and Alice were Seniors, but I always imagine Steph and Deb knowing eachother because MRFC said Steph is in the Smoke Club on Twitter at some point. Assuming Steph’s been a little punk for a while, she’s been in the smoke club since at least Sophomore year, and probably a new inductee the same year as TGWDLM (2018).

Alice and one of her parents (maybe Bill) were also raised in purity culture because we know the Woodwards and the Chastitys go to the same church. The Woodwards probably take it with a grain of salt though (Alice has expressed dislike over Grace’s prudishness)- either that or one of her parents (probably her mom) wasn’t originally from said church and also raised Alice with “this is what you’re learning here, but here’s also what I learned at my church at your age.” Bill was likely the one raised in purity culture because he does NOT LIKE DEB and thinks that if she HAS TO date a girl, she should date someone like Grace Chastity, implying she’s an exemplary teen girl. Ms. Woodward lets Deb sleep over and probably knows she smokes and likes her anyways; three points for Alice’s mom not being the puritanical one.

Ted reads romance novels. He’s a former geek turned sleazeball- you know he reads the smuttiest novels ever and calls them “his research”. He refuses to read any book with the friends to lovers trope because it’s too upsetting to think about. (Side note Time Bastard gave us a definite date that timelines don’t branch/reset before depending on whichever theory you believe because the homeless man is in every timeline, meaning that Jenny’s death is fixed in time and never changes: October 7th 2004, so the timelines change anywhere between October 8th 2004 and 2018.)

In whatever timeline Emma finally gets to have her weed farm, she meets Paul when he tells her he was prescribed that marajamij for his anxiety and he was too scared to try Xanax. She thinks he’s kind of cute for a wet cat of a corporate slave. “Fuck the patriarchy? Yes please.” (Side note Paul seems so uptight and unfuckable like bro gotta be blank down there like a Ken doll and has no discernible kinks from what I remember while Emma is laid back and chill asf and like… normal in comparison so yeah sure Paulkins canonically fucks but does Emma enjoy it?? Like dude even Pete’s more fuckable than him come on.)

Pete and Steph don’t kiss when they admit their feelings for eachother even though one of them would die before ever getting to kiss each other because they both think it’ll only make it that much harder to go through with sacrificing the other. One of the reasons Pete also chooses to be the one to take the bullet because he doesn’t think he even COULD pull the trigger on her. Like it’d be physically impossible for him, in his mind.

TGWDLM was originally meant to be an allegory for the institution brainwashing us. Show Me Your Hands and America’s Great Again: examples of people in power working for and fulfilling the evil wishes of some almighty, otherworldly, inhuman THING (be it aliens, be it those in power). It’s clearly meant to satirize the way that power corrupts and tries to convince you its way is better. Even Hidgens, THE FUCKING TEACHER, tries to teach his student that it will be better for everyone to join in that corruption and give in to the hive mind. This reminds me of how the school system in America tries to paint our history as something glamorous; manifest destiny instead of genocide of the indigenous populations. The people in power convincing those under them that the deaths of countless lives is a good thing and it will pave the way to a better future. Cool motive, still murder. Which is why Emma “Fuck the Patriarchy” Perkins is the last one to be infected. She was incapable of being brainwashed , and even when she was the last one left, she saw that the people watching didn’t care, and the all-consuming threat of corrupted power closes in on her until the very last moment.

The Lords in Black were going to try to convince whoever sacrificed their most treasured something to do more work for them, but Grace required very little convincing. Like Wiggly spoke into her mind like “Gracy-Wace! You forgot my booky-wook! Look in it, see any thing you like? Wanna kill all the pervy-wervys?” And she’s like “holy cow I can kill all the pervy-wervys with this book?” Pete would have needed the most convincing because he’s just lost the only girl who will ever love him (in his mind) and so he’d think these things took away his one chance at true love and NEVER want to deal with them again. Even if they offered him a way to get her back, he’s too smart to know that won’t come without an even bigger price AND too paranoid to think she won’t come back wrong like Max did.

If the Green-Foster family ever did get to move to California and Lex got to be an actress, her interview attitude would be a lot like Reneé Rapp and if she ever got asked about why she’ll openly shit talk people in an interview, she’s like “I used to work retail I learned pretty fast that nothing gets done if you keep your mouth shut.”

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mcytblrsexymen · 1 year

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[ID: Four twitter screenshots: I would like to nominate you adding vanilla extract to the final poll with no warning for the single funniest meme combo of the year after we have a winner for the mcytblr exyman, can we get a poll that's the top sexyman versus vanilla extract you should do a bonus round after it's over where you put the winner up against vanilla extract for the whole vanilla extract thing, maybe just do a seperate poll with vanilla extract vs the winner of the final round? Then you still get all the data and the meme]

This is only like a third of the vanilla messages I received this afternoon. Please. I beg. Enough of the vanilla extract. Let the meme die.

#ask #anon

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prostocupoftea · 13 days

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Kinitopet Programmers AU

finally i am finished with this one, daaaamn

it is hard to draw pathetic men with midlife crisis when your style is mostly for anime boys

more info and sketch version under the cut!!

sketch version aka how it'll probably look like in comic version 'n some doodles

srry for my writing but i was too laisy to put it as regular text

It is a plot-based au, i already have most of the storybits and like... a vibe-chart (i tried to make a playlist for this au and understood that for different chapters and different characters that'd be a copleatly different music, sooo it's a chart now :) )

i will post a fog-o-wared timeline that im hopefully gonna reveal comic-by comic, but also maybe with just pure writing. Hopefully i can include songs that i chose for them into it but we'll see (:

aaand of course designs can change, hopefully not much but we'll see

Now about au:

Main story:

Story follows non-sentient AI Kinito, his creator Sonny and his beta-tester Victoria (oc)

Being literally the first AI (or RRA in-univere) ever, Kinito does not have any, and i mean, any ai safety features so of course his reponce to a goal phrased as "have user near me and/or interacting with me as much as possible" is digitizing them into his own virtual world while killing them in the process. why wouldn't it be?

So that happened. Like, a lot. And with Sonny and Vic too (at the different time but yeah)

Sonny is like "He kills people. We should turn him off because, you know, killing people is bad."

Vic is like "well, we will die if we do that, and it is not that bad here, we are kinda immortal. We should give him acces to changing his initial instalation code before admin priveleges and acces to social media so we can have everythin we want here. It is not that bad to digitize humanity, yk?" and yes i know it is 90, no social media, but shut up, if they made ai then, then i can make twitter then too

Sonny is like "...no??"

And then they fight about it for million chapters

Also they both can't do anything without agreeing bc they have two parts of that admin access key (the data you use to delete kinito in-game) so they are stuck with eachother (also that's why Kinito can't just kill them)

Little facts that may or may not to be important:

Kinito asks so many questions (and weird once too) and has most of the glitches because he needs to analise your responces to copy your mind perfectly (let's pretend that people wouldn't lie about that...)

Your house in your virtual world is made from important places from your memories and oh boy can i do character explorations with this one

I decided that Sonny and Vic are not related. There were thoughts about making then "The Kinito Brothers" (or, at least, siblings) that were mentioned in commercial, but nah, they are just coworkers now. And a bit of work-friends (bc if you interact a lot as a manager of the project and the best worker might as well be friendly)

Author has no idea how small dying toy companies that accidentally create technological marvel work. Author has some idea how AI-s work. So be prepared to be spoon-fed info abut which ai safety problem we are dealing with in which chapter (:

Kinito will mostly be unrendered (as drawn here) but for some cool moments i might pose him as for my other posts. Also his eye placement changes to the side that is most visible because i want him to be able to look to the right side sometimes--

Also when i say "fucked up mentally" i mean they have that them psychological problems with me projecting heavilly B) (guess on who i project most. trick question. all of them. the whole au is my problems split into three characters and forced to interact B) )

Also sea-creature analogies (that are gonna be mentioned like twice):

Victoria is a flying fish because deep character reasons

Sonny is a pufferfish because i said so

oh also there is 7 deaths in the plot as for now

on 3 characters

good luck figuring out who, how and when ((:

for my own sanity i will probably make little doodles where everything is great and kinito is a good guy and not a number-obsessed maniac (i mean... can u imagine not being able to feel any happiness from anything besides one thing... damn...) and you can differenciate them bc good-guy kinito will have a lot of stickers on him (i will explain it somehow but real reason is just bc it is cute af)

like this but even more stickers (he is unfinished here)

#oh btw. i have no official name for it yet. it is programmers bc main characters are programmers. but like.#i want to make a real name for em somewhere down the line #but for now they are #kinitopet programmers au #i was really stressing about how “not-canon” sonny looks #and then i was like. girl. only time he was in canon he was a black blob with one eye. and even that is not surely him.#so i chilled out. as i should B)#i am so tired from this rn tho #kinitopet #kinito pet #kinitopet au #kinito the axolotl #kinitopet fanart #kinito fanart #sonny c #kinitopet sonny #sonny chamberlain #kinitopet oc #bruh i hope this will go better than my hazbin hotel fic (i still want to write it sooo muchhhhhh--- i love my oc and story i am just-----#out of the fandom rn----- damn thats so sad)

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hittoki · 1 month

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[ CHAPTERS.06 ] く stupid heartburn ₊☆

Y/N flipped the page of her chemistry detention packet—Ms. Jeon’s new way to torture her—and huffed. More and more equations to balance. As she got to work on the first problem, she heard the door to Mr. Ko’s room open and a group of boys filtering in.

She looked up, down, and then back up at the sight of her two peers. Their dejected faces made her want to laugh. Y/N subtly pulled out her phone and opened twitter, telling everyone on her private account about the news.

She noticed that Riki chose the seat behind her and smiled. Y/N caught his attention when she turned to face him. “What’d you guys do to get in detention?”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Gunwook and I were breaking up a fight between Yushi and Woonhak when Ms. Jeon walked out of her classroom. I guess, to her, it looked like we were also involved so she gave all of us detention.” She looked at the two boys who started the fight, their hair slightly disheveled.

“What about Dohoon?”

The boy raised his head at the mention of his name. “Dude, let me tell you. I was filming the fight—like, got on the ground to get a good angle and everything—and I just heard Ms. Jeon scream, ‘Stop!’ at the top of her lungs and nearly shit my pants.” Y/N chuckled at his scared face. “Anywho, she pulled me up by my ear and took my phone and then gave me detention.”

“Now you know how I feel.” Dohoon frowned, patting the girl’s shoulder.

Gunwook scoffed. “What did you do to get detention this time?”

“Breathe,” he looked back down at his work, snickering. “No, I’m being serious. Ms. Jeon was looking at my test and she was pointing out that one of my answers was wrong. All I did was exhale and she thought I was giving her attitude.”

Gunwook watched as Riki and Y/N talked, seriously not in the mood for lovey-dovey stuff. He didn’t know why he was so annoyed, but he hoped that ignoring it would be best. As soon as the bell rang, he collected his bags and started walking downstairs, toward the dance practice room.

Gunwook laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He thought about earlier, how he felt when his best friend and (self-appointed) rival flirted. I’m not jealous! If anything, I’m upset because she’s trying to infiltrate my friend group…Yeah!

Worlds above, an angel laughs to himself. “Silly boy.” While Gunwook was still thinking of the girl, the angel, who went by the name of Cupid, aimed his arrow at the boy and released it.

The boy clutched his chest, breathing heavily. “Stupid heartburn,” he unlocked his phone, which opened up to Y/N’s profile. Though he was alone in his room, his cheeks burned out of embarrassment. “Mom! Do we have heartburn medication?!”

“It’s in the medicine closet, Wook-ah. Don’t die on me!”

Not too far away, Y/N walked up to her mother’s desk. “Mama, do you have anything for heartburn?”

The girl’s mom smirked. “What, did Cupid get you?”

“Don’t be crass. I think I’m just dehydrated.”

She sighed. “Yeah, go look in my purse. I think I have Tums in there.” Y/N thanked her mom and immediately went searching for the chewable.

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★. . description 𓂃 cupid sees the true feelings of individuals and pairs them together based on these feelings. he never makes mistakes. however, y/n is convinced cupid has accidentally shot his arrows at her and the class president, park gunwook.

★. . taglist 𓂃 @junityy @heartsswon @junnysbae @2ynjns @callanton @gh9sty @spjhyn @leehanascent @chaerybae @gyvnexe @lilacgyuvin @nanasdream @chweverni | open! (send an ask or reply to this post to be added)

★. . author’s note 𓂃 update after 22 days…rip 💔 guys i just had my act and i think i most definitely maybe sorta kinda failed 😭😭 “oh the math should be stuff you’ve done in middle school” OH WHAT THE HELL NO IT WASN’T!!!!! I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT STUFF BEFORE

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joyce-stick · 1 year

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The Beef Stroganoff Song! (arbitrary subtitle discourse edition)

So, you may have noticed here that the subtitles in this clip (from Symphogear GX episode 3) are fairly different from what you're used to seeing when people post this video, and the phrasing in the subtitles is fairly different from what the associated memes often say

For those who don't know, Symphogear got itself released on blu-ray by Discotek, and with that came with a new translation authored by Noelle (@ulsairi on twitter ) who is notable for being the only trans lesbian anime translator I know of off the top of my head.

Her translation appears, in my opinion, really rather polished and very good, and I strongly appreciate the way it's written and how much character it adds to the dialogue by giving everyone distinct voices and adapting things into more natural English. It's also a fair bit gayer. I haven't encountered many people who've seen these subs, but I think most fans of the series would consider these a net positive change. There are some people who are mad about these subtitles, and they can die mad.

Anyway, let's talk about the different phrasing of the beef stroganoff song. I'm mostly going to compare to Crunchyroll's subtitles for reference since that seems to be what most others go off of. Here's a link to that version.

So right off the bat we can see here that while CR's translation appears to be a lot more, for lack of a better word, functional, Noelle's translation tries to apply more dialectal force "it's beef stroganoff/Yes! It's THAT beef stroganoff!" And generally communicate through the tone how excited the girls are to get started. Additionally you'll see throughout that the latter is a fair bit more lyrical, there's a lot more punctuation and verbal tics and filler phrases written into the dialogue to express that they are singing, which makes sense since Japanese tends to omit a lot of the sorts of prepositions that Noelle threw in here,

Like, Yumi (yes I went and looked up her name on the wiki) just says "beef stroganoffu" because it's obvious from context that it is beef stroganoff, she doesn't need to spell it out, at least, not in Japanese

(We know like maybe ten hiragana and 1 kanji do not trust us on Japanese this is all just basic shit we learned from online guides)

So this probably leads to a rushed translator from Crunchyroll (they are notoriously crunched for time) who's just trying to Get It Done probably not really bothering to throw in extra additional connecting letters to express the tone of the character, only doing so when it's required to make basic grammatical sense in the target language. So they likely didn't think to make the subtitles have flourishes like this that aren't explicitly in the original Japanese. Noelle meanwhile had the time to consider things like this and take such liberties in order to attempt to convey the same tone that was arguably implied by the Japanese, even if not explicitly put forth

And that's about all the things I should not repeat I guess, TL;DR, these subtitles are more fun to read because the translator had more time to think about the best way to make them more fun while still being accurate to the spirit of the original dialogue, who'd have thought!

(In case you're wondering, the Commie subtitles say kind of the same thing here, and y'know, it doesn't seem like a wrong translation, but also I really dislike this subtitle styling, orange on pink with that font and that drop shadow is just kinda bad. I appreciate the effort but like. Come on. Please fansubbers, please think about if the font and colors you chose actually work with the image you're putting them on)

Moving on!

horizontal and middle rhyme with each other so you can almost actually sing this, actually let me take a moment to try it right now- never mind, I can't sing. Hahaha. I don't actually think it lines up that well with the melody But I thought it did! Didn't I? That's significant, that this actually reads like plausible lyrics to a silly song someone made up instead of a literal translation of a Japanese song

Anyway, here comes the first major difference!

So in the Crunchyroll subtitles, Yumi says "it doesn't have to be beef" which in English (in my estimation) sounds a tad scatterbrained, like, "oh yeah sure beef but whatever really it doesn't actually matter," while Noelle's subtitles rather say "Got no beef? Don't you worry!" Which implies something different.

"It is recommended to use beef, but you may substitute something else if you are sorely lacking in beef" as opposed to "Oh the beef doesn't actually matter, zoinks lol!" CR's translation is kind of a bit funnier in how it sorta comes from nowhere without this qualification, which probably lead to this phrase's memeticness, but Noelle's translation seems more reasonable to me so yeah again, tada, yay for sensicalness.

Now here's another interesting change:

Again, the flat manner in which the CR subtitles say "finish with salt" with rendezvous only being included because that's literally what they said, is sort of absent any stronger emotional implication,

Noelle's translation meanwhile going with "don't forget them, they need it" imparts personhood upon the salt and pepper. The implication being that the girls are saying, "the salt and pepper are in love, please reunite them, they must be in gay love together." Or maybe you think the salt and pepper cannot be forgotten and must be reunited because they are Only Friends.

Whether you choose to believe that this is the salt and pepper getting married, or merely subtext, or an interpretation, or salt and pepper shipping bait, this is a deeply important tonal indicator because it reminds you that these girls are ultimately playing with their food!

"And there, now you're in for a treat!" I don't think I need to explain this one.

Now, here's an interesting one!

In the Crunchyroll subtitles, it just says the memetic "boys don't know this." With no context, no elaboration, no clarity, no qualifiers. Boys don't know. Did the boys magically get their brains wiped? Are the boys biologically incapable? Who knows. Nothing is said but that.

Noelle's subtitles, on the other hand, qualify this statement by saying "Boys aren't taught to cook, so they may not know" (And note again how, it says "kno-ow" to emphasize, once more, that they're singing, and also this lines up with the long "ooooo" sound they make at the end of this lyric, so cool)

There is now context! Boys aren't taught to cook! Anime and Japan's culture in general still pigeonholes people into gender roles! And an anime translator just wrote you a hidden translation note about it! You might be a boy, you might know how to cook, but certain boys in another part of the world aren't traditionally taught cooking, so they may not know

They may not, but they could!

Trust a trans person to express gender facts with subtle nuances like this in anime translations.

And with that lovely bit of good translation and good writing and good localization of a thing to make it make sense to people

Mew!

#symphogear #symphogear gx #beef stroganoff #translation discourse #boys dont know this #(or rather THEY MAY not)#(but could if they were told how!)#you know it from anime and manga #audrey (of the joystick system) posts

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sugurus-fave-monkey · 4 months

Text

Teaser

I’ve started writing another SatoSugu drabble, and just wanted to post the intro since I haven’t posted in a while. Also not my art, found on Twitter.

I’ve completed it. Part one here and the conclusion here

The night air was cold on his skin as Suguru Geto leaned out his dorm window, trying to find enjoyment in the form of a cigarette. As he exhaled, his left hand came to rub at his eyes, the bags beneath them seemingly a part of him, just like his skin. Just when did everything go wrong? How much more of this could he take? After pitching away the rest of his cigarette, he adjusts the towel on his waist, and closes the window. He sits down on his bed, and runs his fingers through his still damp hair.

Maybe he’s being punished? He should have been more aware of his surroundings after him and Satoru were ambushed. Perhaps he shouldn’t have even offered that girl a life, maybe had he not said anything, he wouldn’t have watched her die. That’s all he sees whenever he closes his eyes, her, and that man, the smug look on his face. When he manages to sleep, he is plagued by nightmares, the girl, screaming at him, Satoru’s body, broken and lifeless, and that man, Toji Fushiguru, no, not a man, what had he called himself? A monkey. The only time Suguru had felt real fear in his life, was caused by none other than a filthy fucking monkey.

He felt like the higher ups were trying to isolate him. Satoru, the only person he felt true friendship with was always being sent on solo missions, while Geto was left to exorcise and consume the curses. The curses, the only form of company he had. Sometimes he would let one out, late at night, alone in his room, just to feel the presence of something. He didn’t know how to feel, he didn’t even know if he could feel anymore, he had spent so long choking back silent tears. His emotions got the best of him at first, and he turned the overwhelming sadness, the emptiness into rage, and when that didn’t help he discarded those emotions, in fact he discarded all emotions.

A soft knock on the door startled him, and he had to ground himself back to reality. He check the alarm clock on his nightstand and saw that it read 3:17 a.m. He sighed and decided to ignore the door, which only resulting in whomever was there knocking louder.

“Yo! Suguru! I know you’re in there, let me in.” Of course.

Suguru rolled his eyes before responding, “I’m trying to sleep Satoru; we can talk in the morning.”

“Nah, I can tell that you’re awake, lemme in, it’s important.” Satoru demanded. “Besides if you don’t I’ll just stay here and pound on your door all night and wake everyone else up.”

Geto stood up, and crossed the room to the door, before swinging it open. “What do you need?”

Satoru threw up his hands and smirked. “You gonna let me in or?”

#jjk smut #jjk geto #geto smut #geto suguru #jjk satoru #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo x geto #geto x gojo #jjk gojo #gojo smut #suguru geto #satoru gojo

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marunalu · 19 days

Note

Hi. What do you think about new chapter?

Honestly? For the most part I was just bored. As much as I love that izuku got his arms back, you can see that the only reason why hori let him lose them in the first place was to shock the readers. This is the same bullcrap he did with bakugous fake death. To let him get "killed" just to let him get resurrected in the very next chapter.

It was clear izuku would get his arms back, but at least it should have lastet a few chapters to show readers how serious the whole situation is. There are no stakes in this "war". The good guys dont die and if they get injured a "wonder" happens so they will not die or end up terrible disabled for the rest of their lives. And just like I said after the latest chapter, deux ex machina eri is the one who saves the day of course.

Again, it was clear izuku would get his arms back and that it would be eris doing. Thats not my problem. My problem is that I dont like it when an author writes shocking scenes simply just for the shock value and to trend on twitter and not because its important for the story. Thats horrible and lazy writing and just screams "I want attention!"

An other problem I have is that eri can simply just "cut her horn off" it seems. By that logic there was never a reason for chisaki to abuse eri like he did. He could have simply waited till the horn was big enough and then cut it off and I dont think chisaki was to dumb to not realize that by himself. I dont know if it means that eri is kinda quirkless from now on, but knowing hori I wouldnt bet on it and I think the horn will just grow back. I also dont like how eri calls bakugou "kacchan." We never see them interacting in the manga or that they formed a relationship. As far as I know only in the light novels in which eri is scared of him they interact. I just dont think hori should put things that happen in other medias like the light novels or movies in the manga, because it could confuse people that only have read the manga and nothing else.

About the whole kurogiri vs aizawa and mic interaction. The whole thing just startet so I guess we will see an other flashback so I cant say much about it yet. I just wished hori would stop skipping whole fights of other characters just because he likes to focus on bakugou instead by giving him TWO fights! Bakugou has enough spotlight, other characters deserve it more and not just flashback fights.

I liked though that it was mentioned that eri is learning from aizawa and thinks rational like him, so thats why she cut her horn just like he did cut his leg off. Its also cute how she mentioned that she wants to become a singer like jiro. The only other thing I liked was that afomura is starting to look more like the original afo now, because thats a thing I was wondering if it will happen. Him looking exactly like his original body and then fighting izuku would be great.

All in all the chapter was meeehhhh from what I have seen so far. Its funny because I hated the last chapter at first because the spoilers and translation were worded so bad but now I actually quite like it. For this chapter I dont feel much except maybe bored and annoyance over hori writing shock moments that dont mean anything but to shock his readers. I simply dont like it when authors do that.

#bnha #bnha spoiler

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mdhwrites · 5 months

Text

TOH: The Problem With Waffles

So someone who has lost someone close to them takes palistrom wood and starts carving. They make them in the image of that which they have lost, imparting upon them a desire for them to be what they once were. Alongside this, their new form allows them to also act as their will made manifest upon the world as both lackey, partner, family and pet. Their life is only meaningful until thrown away, abandoned or ended by that which made them.

Am I talking about Hunter being made by Belos or Hunter making Waffles?

Waffles and Hunter actually have a lot in common, such as how as an orphan Philip likely saw his brother as the man who gave him a chance at life after his parents died, just like Flapjack explicitly did for Hunter when Hunter was going to die. A core element of the problem though is actually with how lame the Grimmwalkers are and the lack of magical materials in the Isles. Rather than a complex set of reagents for witch's brew, we get maybe a handful of items and the big two are Titan's Blood... And Palistrom.

Because of this, it's kind of easy to look at Grimmwalkers as advanced Palismen. Hell, it's actually weird that Hunter CAN'T use magic. Palismen have innate magic just by being made by Palistrom wood. Luz proves that they can do magic on their own since she uses Owlbert to activate glyphs from far away, something she cannot do herself. It's implied as part of why witches are commonly stronger with their staffs than without (not that that ever comes into play at any time). Meanwhile, Hunter has multiple magical components, at least one of which is INCREDIBLY powerful and far rarer than Palistrom wood which would make one assume they're stronger because one of the only ingredients we know of for Grimmwalkers is a Galdorstone. So... Why can't he cast magic? Because he doesn't have a bile sac? Does that mean every Palisman actually gets split in half during carving so you can carve out its tiny organs before sealing it back together without any sign of this crack? Because I REALLY doubt it.

Add to that the fact that Palismen are regularly abandoned by their witches for SOME FUCKING REASON (I think the Bat Queen in S1 should have claimed that witches "...No longer are able to care for them" to imply they died because otherwise, what the fuck?) and most seem perfectly without a Palisman and they don't seem all that different from how Belos treats Hunter. Narratively and functionally the two are just treated the same. One simply takes on a more human form since Palismen are PLENTY sentient and able to talk with others.

It makes how Hunter's arc ends, as a clone of Caleb by how many people read it, including myself, suck even harder. He's not just taking cues from the man he was made to look like after all. By chasing a lost loved one like this instead of letting go and looking to the future, he also copies Belos.

And that is the exact opposite of ANYTHING his arc should imply.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#hunter toh #palisman #Grimmwalker #the owl house criticism #toh critical

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writergeekrhw · 1 year

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HOW TO KILL A CHARACTER

(A Writing Spew)

I'm trying to archive some of my old Twitter writing spews on Tumblr. You know, because of things. So here's a rather big one. HOW TO KILL A CHARACTER.

/BeginSpew

Okay, you’re a writer. You’ve got a mess of characters. You want to move your audience. So, it’s time to take out the old writer’s ax and chop chop chop! But how do you do it with maximum impact without your audience turning against you forever?

Pull up a chair and Uncle Robert will explain it to you!

(Warning, there may be spoilers ahead for stuff that if you haven't seen it by now it's your own damn fault.)

Luckily, there are a lot of reliable tricks to kill that character. Any of them can work for both #TVWriting and #Novels. Some of them can backfire. Here are some proven approaches…

Death #1: The Intro Death!

Want to set the stakes for your world? Introduce a character or characters and fool the audience into thinking they will be a big part of the story. Then… CHOP! OMG THEY’RE DEAD! SHIT JUST GOT REAL! AKA the Hello-Die.

The Hello-Die pretty much always works because the audience hasn’t had time to really get invested, but they’re invested enough to feel the sudden shock.

Examples: Psycho. Buffy (S1E1). GOT Teaser. #DS9 pilot. Hill Street Blues (averted).

The Hello-Die is often used by shows to shake up your expectations in what has usually been a fairly safe genre. And yes, I did this in #Andromeda. You think this is a nice safe Fantasy/SpaceOpera/CopShow/FamilyDrama? NOPE! Hello-Die! Watch out for exploding Helmsbugs.

Death #2: The Mentor Death

Your character learns cool stuff from the smart old person. Then the smart old person dies! OMG! “But I had so much more to learn!” “True, but don’t you see? This was the real lesson.” AKA The Obi-wan.

The Mentor Death is pretty safe too. We all know the old people we learn from are going to kick it soon, right? But that’s okay, because WE GOT THIS! Circle of Life, ya’ll!

Examples: Star Wars. Star Wars again. Star Wars that other time too. Harry Potter.

Death #3: The Hero’s First Kill.

Your hero lives in a violent world, but they’re a good person. They don’t want to be a killer. Alas, the world needs them to kill. And you want to portray how that impacts your hero. And so that minor villain must die!

The HFK can be tricky. For best results, the victim should need killin’. Because you want the audience to still like your hero. Plus it’s your hero’s first kill, so you need to overcome their reluctance. Or maybe it’s an accident? (OR IS IT?)

Either way, now your hero is transformed and all it took was offing a minor character. WARNING: Often involves hero puke!

An excellent example of the HFK is the Stable Boy in GoT. Arya asked him to let her go. He wouldn’t. She insisted. He said the Queen would pay her handsomely for her. She lashes out with Needle and… OOOPS! Or was it an oops? Well now he’s dead & Arya’s on her way.

Death #4: The Villain’s First Kill

The opposite of the HFK. The villain is bad, but he hasn’t killed… yet. Then he takes his first victim (usually someone either plucky or gross) and he just can’t help himself! Afterward, unlike the hero, the villain feels good.

He’s got a taste for this now. It’s going to happen again. Cue dramatic (or ironic) music!

The VFK can also sometimes be the Intro Death. Maybe it’s not the villain’s 1st kill, but it’s the first we see. Either way, the VFK is relatively safe, though there's a risk that if the victim is too likable, the audience won’t just hate the villain, they’ll hate the author.

Which is why the VFK is often someone gross or “disposable” or even theoretically somewhat deserving. In American Psycho, the first kill is a homeless man, the second is a Wall Street asshole.

Another VFK example: In the Bone Collector, the first death is a man no one cares about, and he dies off-screen, but the next is a plucky woman who dies horribly onscreen. The story eases you into it.

Still, the VFK is fairly safe. It needs to be just bad enough to shock, but no so awful that you completely lose the audience. You can get awful later once you've built up good will.

Now come some of the tougher deaths to pull off, starting with...

Death #5: The Season One/Book One Death

An important character dies relatively early in your tale. This is usually done because you want to drive home the stakes even more. Also the death launches/twists the story. AKA The Boromir AKA The Ned AKA The Sean Bean.

The Sean Bean is tricky because you’ve spent a fair amount of time getting the audience invested. You may have even tricked them into thinking the Sean Bean is a major hero. The more invested they are in TSB, the higher the risk you might lose your audience.

To minimize audience hate, make sure they understand it’s kind of Sean Bean’s fault. Or a noble sacrifice. Or if the character is minor enough (Hi Tasha Yar) it's a way to show the random awfulness of the universe. The important part is your real heroes will learn from this.

There will be crying and anger and thirst for revenge (or Data will struggle to understand death and we’ll all love him for it.)

The Purpose of the Ceremony - YouTube

Now part of why the Sean Bean works is its earliness. The later in a story a character is killed, the more their death needs to have meaning. You can kill Tasha randomly in Season One but you would never do that in Season Six.

In Season Six, if a regular dies, it better not be random or the audience will feel angry and… Oh. Yeah. Her. I wasn’t on staff then. IT’S NOT MY FAULT!

Anyway, the later you get, the more meaning a death needs to have, ideally.

Now we’re getting into the Big Earned Deaths. So let’s talk about them.

Death #6: The Big Bad Death

This is pretty easy, honestly. The easiest. The audience has been waiting for this bastard to die for years! They will cheer. Even if you’ve run this asshole through the Face/Heel Revolving Door a few times (Hi Gul Dukat), by now, they’re past redemption.

The Big Bad needs killing. KILLING THEM IS KINDA THE POINT. Go for it. Make it as horrific and painful as you’d like. Make them fall a LOOOOOOONG way before they hit something. Make them bounce a bit. The audience will love you for it.

Death #7: The Sacrificial Hero Death

Solid option. You might want to foreshadow the heck out of this. Maybe even near-death your hero a few times. But still, the audience usually gets this one. After all, messiahs die. It is known.

There will be tears, but we all know sometimes the only way to save the world is to die. If the good done by the hero’s death outweighs the sadness the audience feels, this can even be uplifting. Bittersweet chocolate is the best, right?

The SHD is a perfect way to kill a beloved character late in a novel or show. They died for our sins! If not for them, we’d be toast. Very satisfying when done correctly. I mean, there are entire religions based on this. Do it right and it packs an immortal punch.

Death #8: The Shakespearean Tragedy

Your hero isn’t really a hero. They might’ve started that way and/or had good intentions, but they’ve slippery-sloped themselves into full blown villainy… and they know it.

They’ve had their moment of tragic awareness. They realize theirs is a tale told by an idiot. Time to go out in the blaze of glory/late heel-face-turn sacrifice/by their own hand. My kingdom for a horse! Lay on Macduff! Good night sweet prince!

The classic ST is incredibly satisfying for the audience. They’ve enjoyed watching a good person descend into villainy, living vicariously through his/her badassery. They felt bad when the badassery turned to madness. SO MUCH METH!

Now the villain realizes how wrong it all was, and how flawed they are, they deliver a final moral lesson, then CHOP! And... cue Baby Blue, maybe some passing prince gives speech... then... curtain.

Death #9: The Final Wrong

Remember how bad that bad guy is? Gee, when’s the last time they were really, really bad? Time for them to shockingly kill a beloved character right before the final confrontation with the hero! I know you traveled a long way to help, but die Scatman Crothers!

Now there’s no going back. Now the villain can’t be redeemed. They must die. Cue the final chapter/episode/season/third act.

This one is risky as hell and maybe don't kill one of your few/only female POC protagonists this way but hey, you be you.

Death #10: The Sidekick Sacrifice.

Your hero can’t just win clean, right? That’s boring. There has to be a cost. And sometimes that cost is Robin’s life. Often this is a minor heroic sacrifice in its own right, but by someone other than the hero.

The sidekick takes the bullet, goes into the warp core, etc. Can be combined with the Final Wrong. Either way, "I have been... and always shall be... your friend." Cue tears.

Death #11: The War is Hell

A variation on the Sidekick Sacrifice. Beloved character dies randomly in a final great battle because War is Hell.

Sometimes the WiH is just A Bad Break. The bullet came from nowhere. WTF?!? Sometimes this happens in the Fog of War. No one saw it. The hero finds the body afterwards and feels the cost of victory. It’s high, man. So very high.

And yes, I used this one in #TheGoblinCrown. War is Hell even in YA fantasy novels.

Death #13: I Couldn’t Save Her

The riskiest variation on the late character death. The kid your hero has been protecting all along dies. The hero tries to save her/him but fails. Generally, only done in the Darkest Timelines. Or at the start of Alien 3. Fuck Alien 3.

The ICSH tells your audience this is not a hero’s story. This is a brutal examination of the inherent unfairness of life. Surprise!

WORDS OF CAUTION!

WARNING: Beloved Characrer Deaths often do not go over well. Use with caution.

The Final Wrong, the Sidekick Sacrifice, the War is Hell, and the I Couldn’t Save Her/Him are all somewhat risky. Sometimes you kill the very character that the audience most cares about. You know, like Glen. Or Lexa. OMG Lexa!? You can lose big chunks of your audience this way.

Still all four can be effective ways of turning on the feels late in a story. If you use them, make sure they either feel super well-earned or that they fit your theme so well that the audience will accept it.

But be careful. The biggest danger here is when the audience doesn’t realize you’re going to go this bleak and then you do and they feel betrayed. Can be a deal-breaker.

The more innocent the victim, the more horribly they die, and the more pointless the death, the bigger the risk you run of turning off your audience completely. And if it's an underrepresented character that a percentage of your audience deeply identifies with? Oh boy. Run.

Death #14: The Glorious Last Stand

This character was a prick all along, really. No one liked them. But when the chips were down, when our backs were against the wall, the they pulled the pin in their grenade and blew up a crapton of Aliens. Hurray!

The GLS can be supercool. The GLSer wasn’t the hero or the villain. Somewhere in the middle really. But we admire the way they went out. Their death redeemed them. If done right, audience will cheer for their bravery, finally loving them just as they die.

Death #15: The Everybody Dies

Rare. Tricky. Deeply powerful when done right. The time for characters like these is done. Their world is over. Their final great sacrifice, or noble last stand, or tragic Bolivian gunfight was inevitable. But oh how brightly they burned in the end.

Look at how badass they were. Look how bravely they faced death. And remember what it meant! Perhaps we would not be alive today if not for their transformative deaths. We will never forget them. Also their death may spur us all on to victory/change/redemption.

Or maybe the Western is just over. We're gonna miss you, Butch and Sundance! Cue montage!

Death #16 (but not really): Apotheosis

Your character dies technically, but really they become one with the Prophets, God of Light, Force. AKA The Sisko. You can only really pull this off in genre or stuff that pretends not to be genre but really is. Modern variation: Uploaded into the A.I.

Apotheosis can work extremely well if done right. Star Wars does it a lot and it works pretty much every time. You get the OOMF of killing a major character, but you reassure the audience that "They will always be with us."

If handled poorly, it can feel like a huge cheat, but when done well, can be a very satisfying way to kill off your awesome main character at the end of a long series without totally pissing off your audience. Like I said... The Sisko.

FINAL WORDS!

There are lots more ways to kill characters, of course. Including the bad ways to kill.

The It Was Supposed to be a Cliffhanger &Then We Got Cancelled and Now They’re All Dead I Guess.

The That Actor Was a Prick So We Offed His Character and Didn’t Care How We Did It.

The Oh, I Realized I Didn’t Need That Character So Gave Them a Perfunctory Death.

But I think I’ve covered the major and better ways to handle offing a character.

So yeah. Sometimes characters need killing. Just remember, you need to make their deaths satisfying in terms of plot, character, and/or theme or you risk losing your audience.

There are no small deaths. Every character is some off-screen mother’s child. Make it count. Make it matter. Make it worth the pages/screen time.

But think about your favorite movies/books/tv show. I bet they all had memorable deaths. I bet you cried. ADMIT IT, YOU CRIED! Look, I cried when Mike died in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. I CRY EVERY TIME I READ IT.

(Mike = War is Hell/Sidekick Sacrifice/Fog of War)

Character Death is one of the most powerful tools in a writer's arsenal. Like all powerful tools, it should be used sparingly, thoughtfully, and for maximum impact. Give them the deaths they deserve!

And with that, I officially pronounce this spew dead. But don't feel bad. This spew will always be with us.

/endspew.

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dbs-scans · 2 years

Text

Hanako-kun of Magic

Hello all! This event originally began on Aidairo’s twitter during October of 2021. Below the cut are translations of the tweets for the full event! We hope you enjoy!

Day 1

Uhhh. Testing, testing? Staaarting… now.

Once upon a time, in a certain Teen's School, there were two girls who were very close friends. No matter how you looked at it, they were normal girls... ...except they weren't.

Well, what do you know! They were apprentice witches! This is a story of Halloween, sweet treats, and love, centered upon these two girls… Or maybe not!

[Witch/Sakura] ...You seem surprised that I called you here. Well, of course you are. As my familiar, you were already ordered by me to perform another task. However, something a little troublesome has occurred. It seems as though your abilities will be necessary. Please, join us.

It’s almost Halloween. Halloween is a special night, where witches bring their familiars along with them to a party. I left the task of preparing the sweets for the party to our apprentice witches, but...... Well, I think it's time we explain to you what’s going on.

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] So, uhm... I tried to prepare the sweets with my magic, but I messed up the spell and turned the students of our school into sweets…… I tried to turn them back, but nothing happened.

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] What should we do!? Is it already too late!? They’ll turn back, right? Riiiiight!? Senpai, help us! Isn’t there some kind of magic spell that can turn everyone back to normal!?

[Witch/Sakura] Relax. There does exist a spell that can turn those humans transformed into sweetsーthe candy-people, for shortーback to normal. The method of casting it is very simple.

You’ll just have to eat them.

Yes, I know, it’s crazy. It’s an ancient form of magic, but one that has a terrible side-effect. The candy-people who happen to be eaten by a witch will..…

POLL:

Fall in love with the witch who ate them. ✅

Become the familiar of the witch who ate them.

Die.

[Witch/Sakura] Yes, while there are some cases in which they will become a familiar, this time is different. The candy-person will turn back to normal, but their heart will be stolen. To put it simply, they will fall in love with the witch that eats them. However, as you two are but mere inexperienced apprentices, the effect will disappear once Halloween is over.

We have only a few days left till Halloween. Let’s eat all of the candy-people and return them to their original forms before then. As for who you'll be eating first, please consult my familiar about it. They happen to be an expert on the subject. You have no issue with that, do you?

POLL:

Leave it to me! ✅

No way!!!

[Witch/Sakura] That’s reassuring. We’ll have Nene eat a candy-person tomorrow, then.

For the following questions, please refer to this sweets catalog.

[Witch/Sakura] The candy-person Nene will be eating tomorrow is the one on…

POLL:

The upper row... ✅

The bottom row...

[Witch/Sakura] I wonder which is best…

POLL:

… to the left!

… in the middle. ✅

… to the right...

Day 2

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] Good evening, Familiar-senpai! Thanks for helping us out! Today's the day I'll eat a candy-person. They’re super high in calories, so we can only eat one every couple of days...... Lets do our best together!

...... By the way, do you think that stuff about the candy-people we eat falling in love with the witch that eats them is... t- true...? Then that would mean... even if it’s short-lived... I’m going to be one of the popular girls!? Eeeee!! Alright!! Don’t mind if I do!!!

So the first candy-person I eat will be......

The "Crowned Galette Des Rois", huh... ...it has kind of a royal vibe, don’t you think? OK, time to dig in! The crust is crunchy, and the almond cream inside is sweet and delicious～!! Are those colorful bits dried fruit?

Urgh ... !!?

W-what the... What an incredible... and unique flavor..... it’s like they put something in here... that should never be put in a sweet... Poison...? No, that’s not it... I managed to eat it all, but my heart won't stop pounding...

T-the true identity of this candy is...!? It can't be...!!

[Diner Employee/Teru] Huh? Oh... you’re one of our regulars. I remember thinking you looked really cute when you were eating... By the way, do you prefer seats by the window, or at the counter? What if we headed over to the diner and got you something to eat? Don't worry; I'll place the order for you.

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] EEEEEEEEEE!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ H-He... He’s....! He’s the hottest employee at the diner!! He's admired by the entire student body!!! Of course I’ll... ❤️ W-wait! Are you getting me a burger with a ton of calories!? I... I'm going home...

[Diner Employee/Teru] You're going home? Really...? But I wanted to see you eat... ...you won't let me?

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] ... ... ... ... Thanks for the food!!!!!

So... *munch munch* Familiar-san, since I'm *munch* in the middle of eating this *munch* Extreme Cream Halloween Special Mega Burger Meal *munch munch* ...

... you should choose the candy-person that *munch* Aoi will be *munch* eating tomorrow... *crunch munch munch*

POLL:

The upper row ✅

The bottom row

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] Omnom... nom... *gulp* ... om nom nom...

POLL:

Jack-o-Lantern Tart ✅

Heart Cocktail Jelly

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] (By the way, the results of the last poll were won by just a slight margin! Tomorrow is Aoi's turn... good luck Aoi!!) Huff, huff... nom... om nom nom......

Day 3

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] Good evening, Familiar-senpai. ❤️ It's my turn to eat a candy-person today.

Oh, you're wondering about Nene-chan? She has a terrible stomach ache for some reason, so she's been sick in bed... I gave her some medicine, but I wonder if she'll be okay. I’m a bit worried...

Like Nene-chan, I’ll do my best to triumph over the calories. The first candy-person I'm eating will be... the "Jack-o-Lantern Tart", right? It has a pumpkin motif! A Halloween classic. The calories worry me, but it's a vegetable, so it’s good for me, right...? This sounds like an excuse, doesn't it...

OK, I’m digging in. ❤️ It’s topped with fluffy pumpkin mousse, and the bottom is soft, pungent pumpkin paste... This is what they call a two-layer cake, right? They share the same ingredients, but the textures are completely different. It’s great! ❤️

It’s not too sweet, but just right. The crust is really fragrant, it’s sooo good... And if you look closely, the shape has been constructed very carefully... it's visually impressive, too.❤️ ... Huh? Could it be...? This sweet treat’s true identity is...

[Classmate/Shijima] Ohhh~? Is that... my classmate, Akane-san~? Us meeting here must be destiny! Come, sit here. Look over this way, put your arms like this and your feet over here, and angle yourself just like this...

Aahhhh~!! ❤️❤️ Perrrfect~~!! Alright, now stay still there right there for the next hour, please!

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] (She’s that girl from the art program!) (We have different majors, so we've never talked to each other... but I'm a big fan of her artwork...) Uh. A pose...!?! U-um, you mean l-like this!? Or this way... ... Eeeek!!!

[Classmate/Shijima] Hup~ Are you alright~? I’m sorry if I pushed you too far. This location isn’t the best, either... Oh, I know! What if we went to my place? I want to learn all about you..... And while we're at it, I could introduce you to my adorable little sister!!

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] Oh no, I have plenty to apologize for myself... Wait, to your house? Overnight...? ...... (Is that really okay...? She’s probably just joking... But...)

... Haah. *Ehem* OK, Familiar-san, I better get going. She’s going to show me some pictures. Am I nervous? No, not exactly, but... Anyways, tomorrow Nene-chan and I will be resting our stomachs, so try and take it easy. ❤️ Thanks for your help today. ❤️

[???] ... ......... Fwah~...

Boy, I'm hungry... Oooh! Candy! Which~one~shall~I~choose...~?

Hmm!

POLL:

Heart Cocktail Jelly

Ghostly Mochi Cake ✅

Blue Candy Apple

Sweet 'n Sour Devil Cake

[???] There's no time limit for the poll! Ahaha! But we'll cut it off at 3PM tomorrow, so have at it! Bye-byeeee~

Day 4

[???] Yoohoo~ Did you pick one yet?

The "Ghostly Mochi Cookie," huhhh... Are you sure I can eat it? Okay then!! Thanks for the food~

I wonder what the insides of a ghost look like...... .........

............ ......, ...... ...! ............ ...... Hmm, I see. Ah, that was yummy! Lotsa stuff in there. This treat's true identity is......

[Classmate/Mitsuba] WAHHHH!!! ... what the... is this a dream? Huh? You... we’ve talked before, right? Well, I'm super cute and a secret celebrity, so I guess I can understand why you’d want to talk to me... You're pretty friendly... um, you’re getting a bit too close... Back off a little, please...

[???] I ate your heart. It was delicious. Do you know what happens to those whose hearts are stolen by a fully fledged witch or wizard? Shall I teach you?

[Classmate/Mitsuba] WAHHHH!! Something's growing out of me!! And— my body is moving... on its own...!? What’s going on!? This is humiliating, but I can't fight back... S-somebody, help me!! I DON’T WANNA CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN LIKE THIS!!!

[???] Thanks for the meal. Let’s try our best to get along, okay?

Keep up the good work again tomorrow. Next up is that girl with the uneasy stomach.

Bye-byeeee!

POLL:

Heart Cocktail Jelly

Blue Candy Apple

Sweet N' Sour Devil Cake ✅

Day 5

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] Good evening, Familiar-san!! Thanks for picking out that incredible cake for me the other day!! Thanks to you, I’ve been enjoying the dazzling school life of my dreams. ☆ ...... but I was in a fight with that high-calorie burger for days, so I’m afraid of what comes next...

Okay, I’m eating more candy today! I’m getting two people to fall in love with me, so doesn’t that make me kind of... wicked?! But there’s nothing else we can do... it’s like a dream, one that will all be over after Halloween... and if it’s all a dream, then I’m innocent!!

Anyways, I’m eating the “Sweet ‘n Sour Devil Cake” today... it’s a super heavy chocolate cake. Okay! I’m not even gonna worry about the calories this time!! Thanks for the fooood!

The sponge cake is bitter, but the chocolate cream inside is really rich and sweet! Mmm, a truly sinful flavor... The sweet ‘n sour raspberry sauce sandwiched inside is refreshing, and it really brings out the sweetness of the cake... ...

......Wait, raspberry...? ......

Hold on a sec... this cake is really good, but what’s this dreadfully ominous feeling I’m having......? I feel like I’ve just done something I can never take back... No way... this cake’s true identity is.........

[Classmate/Akane] ......nnn? Where am I—

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] MAGICAL ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haah... *wheeze* Haah...... That’s right... raspberry is Aoi’s favorite...... Forgive me, Akane-kun. This was... yes, this was for your own good... and mine, too... Stay here, sleeping... until Halloween ends......

Oh, Familiar-saaan~! This is reaaally bad! Looks like my magic misfired, oopsy! Clumsy Nene! ☆

This is my classmate, Akane-kun. He’s Aoi’s childhood friend, and the two of them are our class representatives. He’s also Aoi’s... Eheh, well, that’s a secret. ❤️

Phew..... Alright, now please choose Aoi’s candy for her!

POLL:

Heart Cocktail Jelly

Blue Candy Apple ✅

Day 6

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] ...... Oh, it’s you, Familiar-san. Good evening. Haaah......

Oh, no, don’t worry about me. Just... I was lucky that the first candy-person I ate was a girl, but I’m pretty sure the next one will be a boy. So I’m a bit nervous, is all. But I have a trick up my sleeve, so I’ll be okay. ❤️

The candy I’ll be eating is the “Blue Candy Apple,” is it? I see. The starry pattern paired with the blue candy coating is really cute. ❤️ I don’t know where to start eating it from, but I’ll do my best.

This apple is so juicy! It’s super good. ❤️ Probably because it’s in season. The candy apple is another classic Halloween treat. They’re adorable! Isn’t it fun when you see them lined up on store shelves? Now, before this candy-person turns back to normal......

It’s time for an outfit change! MAGICAL MAKEUP～!! ❤️❤️

[Classmate/Yugi] ......? Oh, hello...... ...............Umm. Happy Halloween......?

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] (※Magical Telepathy) (This guy... I'm pretty sure he's in my class... I think his name is Yugi-kun?) (He doesn't talk much. He's a little shy.) (I've never seen him hang out with anybody... but he sometimes talks to Nene-chan, who sits in front of him in class.)

[Classmate/Yugi] (What the... is that a Halloween costume......?) (............) (Just looking at this costume has my heart racing..... I'm going to look up where I can find one when I get home...) Oh, right... since it’s Halloween... I should give you some candy, right?

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] ...... He booked it out of here after giving me some candy. I... don't think he knew it was me. Pretty sure. We don't know each other very well, so this was for the good of both of us.

There’s only one candy left, so let’s take a break tomorrow. Familiar-san, you’ve done a good job these past few days. ❤️ Okay, have a good night!

Day 7

[???] ～♪

...Ooh! Candy! There’s still one left, I see. It looks so sad, all on its own... ... But my stomach is full right now～ ... ... ... ...

Ohh, I know! Hey! Are you hungry? OK, then I'll give you some!!

[Familiar/Natsuhiko] *cough, cough*... Yo, runt... Don’t shove jelly into other people’s mouths!! That being said, that tasted great! The jelly was tongue-tingling and refreshing～

My lady sent me on a mission, you see. I’m in the middle of searching for the missing candy-person, so I don’t have time to play with ya, kid.

......Huh? Wait, that jelly cocktail I just ate......

[Familiar/Natsuhiko] I’m pretty sure... that the last candy-person was the “Heart Cocktail Jelly,” right...? Pipsqueak... don’t tell me... did you just feed me the...? ......

WAAAAAAHH!!! MY LAAAAADYYYY～!!!

[???] ...... When a candy-person is eaten by an Apprentice Witch/Wizard, they fall in love with them for a short period of time. When eaten by a fully fledged Witch/Wizard, they become their familiar. ...So what do you think happens when one is eaten by a familiar that is neither a witch, nor a wizard?

Don’t ask me! I have no clue! Ahaha! If you’re curious, then it’ll be fun to see what happens, right? Bye-byeee!

Day 8

[Witch/Sakura] A wizard that was passing by force-fed you the “Heart Cocktail Jelly”......? Ah... that is...... quite unfortunate. For you, Natsuhiko; and that boy, as well.

It’s not often that a human turns into candy...... So I’m lacking in knowledge on the subject, myself.

I can't believe a familiar eating a candy-person would result in something like this.......

[Classmate/Kou] Um! What... what happened to me!? Am I... ... I- I- I'm not dead, am I!!!???

[Witch/Sakura] Please, calm down. You're not dead. I sense magical power flowing within you. Which means―― you have become a wizard.

You are now one of us. You will live the rest of your life hiding your true identity. But there's no need to fret. The two apprentice witches that caused this mess will show you the ropes of living as a wizard. You two are fine with that, aren't you?

[Witch/Sakura] How to use magic, the correct way to ride a broom, and the rules of the wizarding world...... there's a lot to learn, but being able to use magic isn't a bad thing. You'll find it to be very convenient. To make a new ally like this is unheard of, but... I suppose things like this can happen...

It’s not long until Halloween. Please continue to watch over the apprentice witches until then. Natsuhiko and I will continue our search for the missing “Ghostly Mochi Cake.” See you later, and good work today.

Day 9

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] ......So there you have it. One of the candies went missing along the way, and we had some trouble with a new recruit joining our ranks... But we've turned almost everybody back to normal now.

I just can't believe the magic we learned would blow up in our faces like this... Aoi and I will need to study extra hard to make sure something like this never happens again!

So... will you please teach us magic again?

[Wizard/Tsukasa] Sure! Also, your magic never went wrong in the first place. What I taught you was the "Turn People into Candy Spell", after all.

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] Huh!? I never heard of that before... You told us that it was the "Candy Preparation Spell", so I used it... but you tricked us!? That's unforgivable!! I have no choice but to use my... SPECIAL ATTACK! MAGICAL IMPAC......

[Wizard/Tsukasa] Woah there, girl... I didn't say anything because you didn’t ask. Sorry? It’s Halloween, so you'll forgive me, right?

[Apprentice Witch/Nene] Ahhh!! He ran away!!! He dodged my Magical Impact... he really is a fully-fledged wizard... But it can't end like this!! We have to chase after him! We'll capture him, punish him appropriately, and have a peaceful Halloween Party tomorrow.

Okay! See you tomorrow, then, Familiar-san! Wish me luck!

Day 10

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] Good evening, Familiar-san. Just now, Nene-chan contacted me and said that she's finally cornered the culprit behind this whole Candy-people Incident. I wonder if she's alright... let's go after her!

Nene-chan should be around here somewhere... ...oh no! This is bad! It looks like Nene's the one that’s been cornered! She's in trouble! I have to go to her... Familiar-san! Support Nene by giving her your Halloween Power!

Send your Halloween Power to a Witch/Wizard!

POLL:

Support the Apprentice Witches (Nene・Aoi) ✅

Support the Wizard (Tsukasa)

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] The Familiar’s Halloween Power is gathering towards us....! Like this, even as Apprentice Witches, we can perform powerful magic spells. Stand up, Nene-chan. Let's do this!

[Apprentice Witches/Nene・Aoi] MAGICAL☆PUMPKIN HEADSHOT・CINDERELLA!!!!

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] *cough* *cough*... ... Unbelievable... all that power caused a huge explosion... But now, that kid should be...... ......!!!

[Wizard/Tsukasa] Heh... Heh heh heh, hahahahaha!!! I never thought Apprentice Witches could be this good... Okay, in honor of that incredible display, I'll release my familiar from his contract. But in exchange―― I'll take one of you two.

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] I— I won't let you do that! I won't give you Nene-chan!!

[Wizard/Tsukasa] That's okay! Then I'll take you instea...... ouch.

[Wizard/Tsukasa] ...... Sorry. Amane's calling for me, so I gotta go. See ya!

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] He left...... What was that? A weird drone came flying by... I think I hear a boy’s voice coming from over there... Whoever it is must have saved us. Anyway, that kid said he said he would let the missing candy-person go...... I think he was telling the truth.

Now we can attend the Halloween Party tonight without any worries! What a relief! Let's hurry back and tell our senpai what happened. ...... Hey, Nene-chan......

During this, you and I made new friends, and a new magical ally... A lot has changed in such a short time. If this keeps up, then by next year, even more will have changed. Even so... will you spend Halloween with me again next year?

[Apprentice Witch/Aoi] ... I see. Thank you, Nene-chan. I love you. ❤️

Extras

After Halloween ① "Hmmm... Y’know, it's almost time for the Radio Control Tourney. What if I went to cheer you on!?” "Oh, no, you really don’t have to...... You'll really stand out there, Yashiro-san..."

After Halloween ② "…………" "Ao-chan? Is something wrong?" "No, it's nothing...... I'll hold half of your books, okay? ❤︎"

After Halloween ③ "My Lady! Trick or Treat~! Won't you please give me something good to eat? ♪" "I'm sorry, but there's nothing left." "Eh!? So you mean... I can... play a trick on you......!?"

After Halloween ④ "You're back late. Were you out with that girl again?" "Wait a second～ Are you..." "I'm not." "... Jealous?" "I'm not."

After Halloween ⑤ "I’m not kidding! A horn's started growing out of me at night!!!" "The hell?” "Ahaha!" "It’s true! And for some reason, I don't remember a single thing that happened on Halloween, either!!”

After Halloween ⑥ "How is it? It's our newest creation, the Mega-Strike Grilled Meat Raspberry Burger!" “Wow! It’s really good!!" "(It's really heavy...)" "I'll bring you some more〜”

END

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