#may never do this again lol I have zero programs for this and it took forever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rigelmejo · 3 years

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some comprehensible input links

language learning forums can be so toxic sometimes...

so many people love to push that “one method” is phenomenal and works when others just WON’T, meanwhile another will say the opposite. And then its like... where is the room to acknowledge maybe parts of each method have merit for different individuals, since they might help or click in different ways.

just today i saw someone arguing about stephen krashen’s language theories and how they’re all disproven bullshit that are completely unusable. I don’t know a huge amount about his theories. But I do know the emphasis he brought up on “providing students comprehensible input and lessons to learn from” is a concept that also is in stuff like the modern Teach Languages Through Storytelling lessons and Comprehensible Input Lessons. Which if you’ve ever used them? They’re Amazing. They are lessons where teachers purposefully use the target language as much as possible, and use visuals to help make what they say as comprehensible as possible to students so they can learn. This is how when I volunteered, we were supposed to tutor ESL speakers - because we could not reliably teach with english translation since their english levels varied, and we did not have speakers of every learners native language present to help teach them. Our program coordinator showed an example of how to do it by teaching us some Thai, his native language, in this method. And it was extremely easy to follow and understand. Textbooks/grammar guides/flashcards certainly will help speed up the process - aka allow students to use Graded Reader books, learner podcasts, then target language native materials like shows and novels to learn quicker. But lessons in the target language as soon as possible, emphazising getting students to comprehend, is valuable. Just as its valuable later on when students can handle more complex lessons in the target language.

Examples of teachers teaching through comprehensible input (I am thrilled to notice there’s a lot more than last time I looked these sorts of channels up):

Hit Chinese: https://youtu.be/xG3w2i1OBfc

Unconventional Chinese with Keren: https://youtu.be/9N-nNvnAYTs

French Comprehensible Input: https://youtu.be/c2SUQVjklVA

Alice Ayel (french): https://youtu.be/DcuVNAnsWZM

Dreaming Spanish (a fantastic example): https://youtu.be/ObO1CGY_NHI

Comprehensible Russian: https://youtu.be/gHCvEKxeXvk

Comprehensible Japanese: https://youtu.be/gHCvEKxeXvk

Japanese Immersion with Asami: https://youtu.be/pr_yRUVQQt0

Learn Korean in Korean*: https://youtu.be/zUulbCruiMs

I just found the Learn Korean in Korean channel a few weeks ago, notable in that he also teaches hangul before the other lessons. I think he maybe uses too few pictures to make it as easy on students. But having said that, I know zero korean whatsoever and am watching his Lesson 1 and finding it completely easy to follow. So I’d say yes his teaching style probably falls under “engage student in the target language and make it comprehensible so they can learn it.” I’m really impressed with his channel tbh because it teaches totally in Korean so any language learner from any native language could use it.

Just found Japanese Immersion with Asami today while looking up “japanese comprehensible input” and its an amazing example of how these kinds of lessons work. In a classroom setting (or with a tutor), generally the idea is to provide learners with lots of comprehensible input of the language they’re learning and perhaps some help to keep things comprehensible (in a classroom that would be word definitions on the board maybe for reference, or in these examples subtitles to aid learners for reference - although first priority a teacher is aiming to use pictures/gestures/visuals to make as much as possible comprehensible).

Examples of textbooks that teach through comprehensible input (these were made before Krashen, so i merely bring up Krashen because Today’s Language Forum Arguement was ‘all krashen’s ideas are bullshit ALL of them even comprehensible input ideas so you shouldn’t even bother using even a little of something related to his ideas):

French: https://archive.org/details/jensen-arthur-le-francais-par-la-methode-nature

Italian: https://archive.org/details/LitalianoSecondoIlMetodoNatura

Latin: lingva latina per se illustrata

English: https://archive.org/details/english-by-the-nature-method

(I’ve personally used that textbook for french and absolutely loved its teaching style, it works Really Well for me).

Graded readers, if they teach new vocabulary in context, may also fall into this section (depending on learner’s starting level compared to a graded reader).

my only point here is just. i hate seeing valuable learning methods completely thrown away, just because someone’s decided to equate one person’s specific method as bad - to decide every single thing related to it must be useless. In this particular case - before Krashen was old enough to have any theories, Arthur Jensen was making some of those books listed above! (Back then it was called ‘the nature method’ - although plenty of books using the term ‘the nature method’ do not teach as comprehensibly as what I’ve listed above, there’s definitely a range from ‘these are just vocab lists’ to ‘these are actually slowly teaching me new words in context’ lol). and all those youtube channels for comprehensible input? There are learners who do find them useful! I’ve found them useful!

oh man just today... sometimes people will be like “you MUST use flashcards to learn a language” and hello no you absolutely don’t have to i never did with French. Some people say “you MUST use textbooks” and yet there’s examples of people who did fine without them, vice versa people say “you must NOT use textbooks if you want to sound natural’ or whatever which? Me using grammar guides has always been immensely useful for me personally - though again some people found success with Much more textbook use, and with none. So can we please accept different methods work for different people?! And beyond that - maybe some Pieces of methods are useful to someone EVEN if the ‘whole thing’ isn’t.

Mass Immersion Method/Refold - its not ‘all’ for me. I’m never ever going to sentence mine. I rarely use flashcards and I never plant to MAKE any myself lol. Have I still found some useful pieces of Refold that have benefited me? YES I have. (Notably the parts about ‘comprehensible input’ since we’re on the topic). What I took from what little i have heard from Krashen - in particular a lecture he gave on improving reading ability in students - is reading for pleasure, exposing yourself to a lot of material even if its not perfectly at your level, will help you improve. Students who learned word lists, and students encouraged to extensively read, both made vocabulary and reading level improvements. Which - we’ve been in elementary school and had ‘free reading time’ to help us learn to read better! By reading something we liked for a period of time! Besides just the books assigned in class the teacher had us do vocab lists for! Well, in my french studies I very much saw that apply to my own second language learning too - sometimes I looked up words as I read, and learned words that way. Sometimes I simply read french for pleasure and just guessed at unknown words I Could guess at and moved past others - and also improved my reading ability and picked up some new words. Both ways helped my french improve, my reading improve, my vocab improve. And so that is what I took from it - that there is some merit in engaging with something you can understand Somewhat at least. That if you have some comprehension of a material, you may be able to learn Some More from it whether you just learn from context OR conciously look up everything unfamiliar. (And I do think looking things up speeds up the process sometimes). My point though is like... we’re really gonna throw out some good pieces because we don’t like one person who’s managed to touch on them? When so many before and after, their own levels of correct and useless parts, have found some usefulness in some parts?

I just do not get language forum drama lol... the issue is. These people were arguing because they find krashen ‘useless’ then all comprehensible input study is ‘useless’. Ok then. But pushing to all learners to use only a textbook, and avoid engaging with actual language (even when it may be comprehensible and therefore useful to them like the links above, for some learners), then they may slow their progress if it doesn’t suit them well. And it always depends on the individual, everyone’s a bit different.

#reference #resources #comprehensible input #rant #half of this is a rant at how all or ntohing some learner forums can be feel free to ignore it #i just. so many ppl shoot themselves in the foot #cause theyd rather shit on other things and say their own plan is perfect #than consider maybe. people have different unique needs/ways of doing things #ive never found a method that 100% worked for me?#but i found lots of Pieces of mutliplte ones that did!

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thedailycourtney · 3 years

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On My Mind: 1

I don’t think I’m going to give any more money to politicians.

This year, and this last election specifically, made me question the purpose. The amount of money spent on elections, especially at a state or federal level, is grotesque. Honestly, does it even matter? With gerrymandering and voter suppression and humongous super pacs, and the number of lies/innuendo/misleading statements political advertisements legally contain, I can’t see that it does. Would my recurring $12 donation to Elizabeth Warren as penance for going to Taco Bell (rumor has it the CEO of Yum! Brands is a big Trump supporter) be better utilized in my own community? Absolutely, yes. The fuck am I doing giving to ActBlue Beto, or Amy, or Jaime, knowing, deep down, that it’s about as practical as sewing dollar bills into an airplane and trying to fly it to the White House.

(I feel kind of weird talking about this? I have a very modest donation budget, which admittedly mostly goes towards local animal rescue organizations annually, but I like to keep a discretionary portion for unplannable gofundmes, etc.)

(Side note: sometimes I just want a cheap, consistent, convenient Taco Bell specific bean burrito? Does EVERYTHING have to be such a big fucking deal? Sometimes a bean burrito is just ... a bean burrito. No more, no less. Not everything is a moral dilemma. Not everything is a thinkpiece.)

2020, in particular, was disgusting. Even from a cushy, privileged view, the obscene amount of spending, on ad space, on security, on transportation, on any number of other things, while so many people in our country were struggling, was just... gross. I’m done participating in that particular game. I hate politics in general, but I especially hate politics as it relates to government. As a very wise person (ICE-T) once said, “don’t hate the player, hate the game.” I really, really hate the game.

I wish money didn’t exist. I hate what it does to people, I hate how it changes people. I really hate that we need it to survive in this world, and I hate that it’s the forefront of almost everything here, in the U.S.

I’m obviously still going to vote, in every election, especially local elections, and I’m obviously still going to put up yard signs and shit, but I’m over all of it - an easy thing to say when you’re a middle aged, middle class white woman who will probably be just fine regardless. I recognize that, and I’m trying to reconcile how gross that makes me feel vs. the amount of detachment I need for my own self preservation. That sounds dramatic, but I do not have the fortitude to be outraged every day. I can’t sustain it. I don’t want to sustain it. I hate that everything has to be us vs them, zero gray areas, you’re posting constantly on social media, or you’re SILENT, you’re either toppling statues or you’re the oppressor, you’re calling out strangers on Twitter, or you’re complacent - and that’s just our side! You’re this, or you’re that. No room for nuance, no room for growth, no room for productive conversations. Definitely no room for redemption. If you think that makes me weak, I’m OK with it.

I used to think the word “content” meant you’d given up on being HAPPY! and just decided to settle into this boring, even-keeled existence. Maybe it does a little? I thought being content was the worst thing in the world - not EXUBERANCE! not FEELING EVERYTHING!! until I realized how happy being content every day makes me. LOL the irony. I worked hard for content! I aim for it! I revel in it! When I find myself getting off course, I do the little things to get me back - the journal, the woods walks, limiting social media, taking a booze hiatus.

I question people who are constantly STRIVING! DO MORE! BE BETTER! DON’T YOU DAAAARE EAT THAT BAGUETTE CRUMB, YOU ABSOLUTE MONSTER - AT LEAST NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE EARNED THAT CARB! CLIMB THAT MOUNTAIN!!!! “Better” isn’t a six week program, or a life coach yelling at you, or a linear, quantifiable Instagram live. At some point, you run out of mountains to climb, so you climb the same one, over and over and over some more. You’re a hamster, with a wheel. Sit still with yourself. That’s the hard part.

Whew, this got long, and really took a turn there at the end. I took an extended break from sharing anything with real substance here - I’m way too sensitive for the internet - but I think I may be ready to now? Probably. Maybe.

But I’ll still never again turn on anon messaging.

#I have never said this out loud before #when I'm finished being a useful cog in the U.S. machine #aka retirement #I can't picture me living here full time #in a million years I never thought I'd daydream that #and yet

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kewltie · 4 years

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anyway, abo au where alpha prohero ground zero decides it's time to start a family of his own but he doesn't have a mate and neither does he want one so he signs up for an omega surrogate program & meet his former childhood friend who will now carry his baby for him.

izuku is a male omega w/ v v v high fertility even for his secondary sex and a strong body which make him an ideal surrogate to give birth healthy babies. w/ the program izuku contracted, izuku had given birth to several babies for various ppl over the years & babies are all happy and that's all that matter.

being a surrogate wasn't ever part of his dream but izuku is an omega & quirkless in a world that doesn't exactly appreciate either. one day when he was fruitlessly working at his 9 to 5 job, a rep from the company approached him w/ a pamphlet about surrogacy. the paid is v v good, the prenatal care & pregnancy compensation is all taken care of by the clients and his company, and he can select and choose which jobs to take. many families and ppl in the world cant have kids of their own for various reasons and izuku is HELPING THEM ACHIEVE THEIR DREAM. in his own way izuku is helping these people!!!! He may not be saving lives has a hero that he always wanted to be but he's giving them their hope and dream in a child they all want so izuku does his job proudly. the only sadness he gets from it that once it's over the baby isn't his anymore bc he's contracted to sign over his parental rights to his clients.

so he tries desperately not to fall desperately in love w/ each of the babies he had. it's... tough but he loves them all the same. the good point is that some of his clients will let him talk and meet w/ their child’s birth parent so izuku isn't deprived of that connection.

it's a quiet and unconventional job, but izuku is happy w/ this lifestyle that he had chosen even as it make DATING AN ABSOLUTE pain. how do you explain to ppl that no you're not marry yet or date anyone but you have several kids floating around all over japan in various household??? lol /o\ this made him feel terribly alone thinking how he wants a family of his own one day after seeing how he's making his client so happy w/ their new baby in their arms. happiness wrapped in a surreal sadness as he watched his babies w/ their new family wishing for that happiness for himself one day but while izuku is settled in his bubble of melancholy an solitude, katsuki BUSTED DOWN THAT DOOR when he made a requested to have a surrogate. NOT JUST ANYONE WILL DO, the best one you FUCKING GOT: experience, results, good health, strong quirk, smart, and not some fucking easy omega.

the qualifications and requirements are obscene and ridiculous lolol but he paid through the roof to get the absolute best for his future child. izuku hits every one of these markers except... for the quirk one. the program hesitate to bring the two to meet but katsuki is impatience. he had been delayed and delayed over and over again for months as they try to match up a good surrogate partner for him. every one of them he had quickly rejected v v loudly and walked out on the meeting. izuku is literally their last hope as katsuki throws another fit.

katsuki is getting older now, close to his 30s annd still stuck in singlehood while all his colleagues and friends settle down with a family of their own. his parents, esp his old hag, has been relentlessly nagging him to GIVE HER A BABY ALREADY SHE WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA BEFORE SHE DIE so w/ all kind of pressures, he said fuck it, i'll give you a fucking BABY but i dont need a mate to do it but in truth he earnestly does want a baby for his own bc the idea of raising a tiny human w/ all the trails and errors and potentially fucking up is humbling & huge responsibility. he thinks he’s up for it like the pro-stage where he's standing at the top now, he can conquered it w sheer force and effort as he does w/ any challenge that he face. Parenthood will be his greatest battle and hurdle he has to overcome and he's going to fucking ACE IT. so katsuki is 10000% in this and he wants the best surrogate for his baby.

the program finally have izuku & katsuki meet after wasting 5 months of trying to find katsuki a suitable partner that he won't reject right away. so their first meeting go something like this: multiple slam doors, a table is flipped, and a lot of yelling.

it went great because izuku is hired right away. Just kidding.

katsuki had thought it was some giant fucking joke the moment izuku had walked through that door. "Who the fuck set this up?!" he demanded, kicking a coffee table over. so furious that his hands were shaking bc the idea of the length he'd went through and hoops he'd jumped over to get here JUST SO HE CAN BE MAKE A FOOL OUT OF, he'd stormed out a sec later, slamming doors violently on his way out and they had to dragged his ass back w/ the fervent promise that no IT'S NOT A PRANK AND WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO W/ CHARGEBOLT OR RED RIOT, PLS PLS LISTEN TO US.

he came back to izuku's unperturbed face as he took a sip of his coffee and katsuki snapped defensively, "i hope you won't fucking be drinking that piss when you're pregnant with my baby."

Unimpressed, Izuku replied, "good thing im not pregnant yet bc who said i would agree."

Flustered and red in the face w/ anger bc THE AUDACITY OF IZUKU TO REJECT HIM WHEN KATSUKI SHOULD BE THE ONE TO DOING IN THE FIRST PLACE!! izuku was the one who doesn't deserve to carry his child!! but the director of the program hurriedly assured him that izuku IS THE *BEST*. he got a pages of recommendation/referral, glowing reviews, and every client of his had never been happier bc of him. all his pregnancy were carried to full term and the babies are all good & strong. izuku himself go the gym when he's not on the job, keeping a healthy lifestyle. he doesn't drink or smoke (which katsuki emphasized in his requirement) and his family doesn't have any record any genetic disorder. he may not have finish college but he test high in his IQ and he take his job v v v seriously. the only problem was... he's quirkless.

it's a thing izuku always make it point for all his clients to know what they could potentially get w/ their children if they chose him. some walked away but most stayed with bc izuku is THE BEST OF THE BEST and they want kid more than they want a manufactured perfect child.

"will that be a problem?" izuku asked, meeting his eyes dead on. "does the thought of having a quirkless child anger you?"

katsuki bristles, clenching & unclenching his hands at his side. though no much had change over the years, he's older now, not that dumbass kid anymore, misguided by his own sense of pride and arrogance and warped by prejudice and the superiority of his quirk. He had left that behind in UA, who happily beaten the idiocy out of him. now, he doesn't care if his child is quirkless or not bc they're his and he'll raise and love them all the same. if the world treat his kid crap for being quirkless, he'll teach them to fuck the world up till it bow down and kiss their ass bc they're a bakugou and they don't settle for anything less, which brought back to the point that izuku REALLY IS THE BEST THEY GOT.

so he shook his head and said, "it doesn't matter whether they're quirkless or not bc they're mine and i always take good care of what's mine."

Izuku's eyes widen and for fraction of a second his cool mask of difference crack under katsuki's heartfelt and sincere words. They havent seen each other since middle school, that’s over a decade, and katsuki truly have grown up into someone the entire world can admire and hold up on a pedestal as the no. 1 hero in the country.

"And what about you? you're okay with me?" katsuki retorted. "with the kind of volatile *history* that we shared."

Izuku paused, and then, he said quietly, "i'm not that petty to deny you a child bc of our past bc neither of us are the kids we were back then."

katsuki stood up. "get him the paperworks and have him sign it. i want him and nobody else."

Izuku jerked up in surprised. "that's it? you dont want to ask me anything else? don't you want to go through my records and background to make sure that im the right fit for you."

katsuki stared down at him and it was like pinned under glass before he said, "we may have changed, but something are still the same. you still want to help ppl even if this is a roundabout way to do it. i trust my instinct and my instinct is screaming at me to give you a fucking chance." He looked away, scratching the back of his head as he continued, "if there's one thing that is made clear to me now is that you're a good person and i was a shittyass kid for not realizing that sooner."

izuku's breath hitched. it's not an apology but it's damn close.

and with that he left izuku dizzy with a confusing cocktail of warmth, shock, and something far too nebulous and strange for him to put a finger to yet. when he first realized it was katsuki who was looking for a surrogate, he'd steel himself of the rejection & lashing out to come. izuku had spent his entire life rejected one way or another, so he was mentally prepare for this to be added to pile esp from the man who had hurt him repeatedly before. when katsuki had left for U.A. and izuku in the dust, they rarely have anything to do w/ each other after that even as he'd followed katsuki meteoric rise to the top, his blazing trajectory that placed him as the current no.1 bc despite everything, katsuki truly is amazing and deserved his place. he just never thought they would meet again in the sort of situation where a baby is the bargaining chip.

izuku was prepared for everything that katsuki would throw at him... but not his fervent agreement. now, izuku got to face the fact that for a year they're going to spend in each other pocket as izuku tries to carry not only katsuki's baby but his hope and future too. it's going to be either a total nightmare or some v v surreal dream bc it's bakugou katsuki with all that fame and temper and strong armed will and izuku is just... plain old izuku. he never had a client w/ such power and weight to throw around and so high profile that every know his name.

oh what did he sign up for, izuku thought as the door to the meeting room was slammed open again and katsuki glared at the director. "wait i want it all to be done today," katsuki said. "put my sperms in him as soon as possible."

izuku dropped his face into his hand and sighed.

the process of getting izuku impregnated is all v clinical and boring. izuku goes under a pseudo heat simulation that fool his body to think he's actually going into heat so his fertility up even more so during this period and he get artificially inseminated w/ katsuki's sperm. this is actually a process and takes several days & even weeks to prepare bc waiting for izuku's most fertile window during his heat period is v v important to have higher chance of success NORMALLY but w/ advance tech izuku can go under a pseudo heat that trigger release of eggs so they can get it all done pretty quickly and dont have to wait for nature to set it up for them.

katsuki already provided enough sperm to last a fucking lifetime bc he's an overly prepared asshole and it's three days later when they meet back at the clinic to start the process. all of this is under the watchful care of doctors and nurses to make sure everything go right. izuku had done this many times before for his previous clients so this isn't new to him at all but it's the first time that a client specifically demand to be part of the entire process.

izuku stares him down and tells him in no uncertain detail bc it's already weird enough to be the one to carry his former childhood friend's baby but to have him watch izuku get inseminated w/ his sperm?? YEA OK, no. katsuki glowers bc he just want everything to GO SMOOTHLY. his micromanagement & obsessiveness drives the clinic insane but izuku kinda finds it funny and cute?? maybe bc he's aware that it's just katsuki's nerves acting up since this is so terribly new and terrifying for him and HE DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN THINGS ARENT UNDER HIS CONTROL.

neither katsuki or izuku is alone this bc surrogacy isn't about either them it's about the baby and the ppl who helps make it possible and that's both of them. the surrogate who carries the unborn fetus and donor who gives a part of themselves to make it all possible. izuku hesitates before deciding screw it & reaches out and holds katsuki's hand in comfort AS THOUGH KATSUKI THE ONE GETTING THE PROCEDURE DONE TO HIM. "i'll be fine," he insists. "i've done this plenty of times before and dr. abe even longer than that with 20yrs of experience so i'll be ok."

"I'm not worry," katsuki snaps, even though he squeezes Izuku's hand hard enough that izuku is afraid his bones might crack under the pressure. "i know you'll be fucking fine, wont he dr. abe?" he stares down at the doctor with the full force of his wrath that the doctor shifts nervously.

"o-of course, bakugou-san," dr abe is quick to assure him. "our best ppl is on the job."

izuku rolls his eyes bc while heat inducing artificial insemination isn't exactly a new tech but there's a risk to any kind of medical procedure. it's low though and izuku isn't worry.

katsuki lets him go and izuku just sends him a quick reassuring smile over his shoulder even as katsuki can't take his eyes off of the entire trip to the surgical room. the process takes around 1-2 hours max & izuku comes out of it mostly woozy & still under heat related stress.

he needs to rest the next few days as he lets nature and w/ the help of science takes it course. izuku rests up at the clinic that provide him 24hrs care to make sure everything is alright which is all normal and part of the procedure. what surprise him is that katsuki visiting him DAILY. he actually bring izuku's home cooked meals that are carefully & thoughtfully prepared (healthy food choices!!) that it silences him for a moment.

"you know im not pregnant yet," izuku points out helpfully. "do you want me to explain how biology work in case UA didn't go over it in their curriculum?"

"shut your face and just eat," katsuki says with a glower, and watches intensely as izuku eats every bite and not leave a single piece behind. while there he harasses izuku's nurses and doctors, asking for izuku's vital stats and probing questions about the surgery & his health.it's so annoying and overbearing, but izuku can't help the smile threatening to break through his defense bc that's just like katsuki shoving his business into everything and dominating the entire process even though it is IZUKU who is going through it all. it's dreadfully cute.

izuku is fully recovered after several days of rest as expected and he is, once again surprised, to see katsuki is right there every step of the way as he is release from the clinic. katsuki who took a short shift today just so he can pick izuku up, which IS SUPER RARE. katsuki is a total workaholic and married to his job kind of pro hero so for him to take half a day off is beyond shocking for everyone?? bc HE GOT ENOUGH VACATION/SICK DAYS TO TAKE SEVERAL MONTHS OFF w/o any worry, but he came to take izuku home and make sure everything is in order.

it's not that izuku didn't have any clients wanting to be so involve in the whole surrogacy/pregnancy process but katsuki takes it into a whole new lvl w/ how much he inserts himself into izuku's life like it's not just the baby he care about but izuku too. he delivers izuku home and make sure izuku have his emergency contacts at all time in case ANYTHING, ABSOLUTEY ANYTHING HAPPEN and he wants izuku to text him daily with updates even for stupid things. he's obsessive and demanding and nervous, and izuku thinks it's funny as hell.

so for the next several weeks, izuku flood katsuki's phone w/ commentary about his days that HAS NOTHING TO DO W/ his chance of being pregnant. since izuku full time job is just being a surrogate, he mostly spend his days wandering around the city, reading, volunteering, etc. izuku updates katsuki on his daily activities and while he doesn't always get a reply immediately but his updates are always left on read and sometimes katsuki would leave some *encouraging* word like 'yea,' or 'okay' and izuku doesn't know why but he finds them comforting all the same.

when he wanders around the city, he'll text katsuki his coordinates bc katsuki is paranoid &wants him to keep away from dangerous area or area under villain attack, he would take pictures of the heroes he see and katsuki would have a snarky comments on each & every one of them. it's in this moments that the two of them really come alive. izuku get a glimpse of the world that he could have had if he had a quirk and pursue his dream of going pro hero and insights on what it's like to be bakugou katsuki, the man standing at the pinnacle of the pro hero scene.

At this point katsuki is even more engaged in izuku's text now. he becomes interest in the books izuku is currently reading, the outreach programs izuku super passionate about esp for young and disenfranchise quirkless youths. then there are izuku's rowdy neighbors and their hilariously complicated love life that izuku is terribly invested bc of his lack of one.

"i think higa-san is going to break up with him today," izuku would update him one day, after watching his neighbors have another blow out.

katsuki texts back an hour later: "yea right, the guy is spineless coward. he wouldn't ever go through it."

izuku lets out a smile as he stares down at the text. it's the most fun izuku ever had in the middle of a job that he forget they're not friends at all but client and surrogate. this is a job for him and izuku is an end to a mean for katsuki. it doesn't mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything. Why is he even trying?

Izuku has been doing the job for seven years and carried his pregnancy to full terms five times. he knows the routine even though each client he had were different from one another and not all pregnancy are the same, but he knows what to expect and prepare. nothing truly surprised him anymore. Or at least they shouldn’t. ,his world didn't suddenly change w/ katsuki's arrival in his ordinary life. izuku is still very much the same person, but all the same he wake up everyday w/ renews energy and lightens heart, looking forward to seeing the text notification from katsuki popping up on his phone screen.

he finds himself looking forward to their interaction the most throughout his days. a glimpse into katsuki's world and what it means to be a part of his life again however temporary it is bc izuku knows there is a time limit to this. he's only allow to talk like this w/ katsuki bc he's doing him a favor, a job, an obligation in exchange of money. they're in a relationship artificially made, they're not friends or colleagues and izuku may be carrying katsuki's baby in the future but he's not a parent w/ katsuki.

He’s an incubator.

these thoughts feel tangibly familiar to his past cases where he had carried the fetus to full term and had to part ways with his baby and the client/parents and separate himself from their lives after the birth but it had never hurt in this way like the thoughts alone would cut his heart into pieces now. it's beyond selfish to get attach and izuku tries to maintain a careful distance w/ katsuki bc they're client and an employee, but katsuki is relentless. he won't settle for just for pieces of izuku and his life. he wants it all. Izuku may be weak enough to give it to him…

he invests himself into izuku's life, his interest, his worries and thoughts. to katsuki, izuku isn't just an incubator but someone who shares the other half of his baby's genes so of fucking course he IS INVESTED BC izuku is just as important as the fetus he could be carrying right now but izuku has a hard time wrapping his head around it bc while izuku was w/ his other client they were all kind and caring to him during his surrogacy but never to this length. they weren't interest in him as a person but someone who is a means to an end, a tool to make their dream come true.

izuku isn't hurt by that regard bc he knows getting involve w/ your surrogate can be a hot mess & confusing for the baby growing up so izuku knows how to keep his distance and careful to keep his heart walled up but katsuki has a habit of breaking things. He’s so very, very good at it, especially distubring the peace of izuku’s heart.

katsuki may be relentless w/ his attention & dedication but izuku's walls went down embarrassingly easy as though he was waiting for katsuki to reach out toward him after all the years apart and shake him loose from his bubble of solitude. katsuki doesn't realize how affected izuku is by his clumsy and gestures, but izuku won't tell. He’s too embarrassed to ever bring it up because even after all these years katsuki still has such a sever effect on him.

so izuku lends himself to enjoy this upcoming months as much as he can bc once it's over they will part ways again as though they exist solely in different space and the only chance he'll get to see katsuki and the baby is through the screen of his tv. it doesn't bring him any comfort but it's manageable. izuku can deal with it. he got years to get used to it by now. It’s not gentle but it’s a blunt kind of truth that mend with time.

several weeks after since izuku did the procedure, he doesn't feel any different but izuku wakes up one morning and he could feel a strangeness settling over his body. there are a lot of old wives tales about pregnant omegas and women and most of them are false, standing against scientific knowledge but izuku been going around this block five times already, so he realizes there may be some truths to a few of them.

he gets out of bed and makes breakfast before making sure to send a text and photo to katsuki about his meals bc katsuki is ANAL about making izuku eat right. katsuki motherhenning him miles away even as he is out on patrol is still the most hilarious and weirdly sweet thing, izuku finds. it doesn't feel suffocating at all to him. sometimes he when the thought slip out of him unconsciously he thinks this is what it's like to have an alpha of his own, but katsuki isn't his by any means.

izuku forgoes his favorite breakfast meal this time and go for something he rarely eats. a food that he normally doesn't chose but it feels right this time. it all clicks. the signs were all there several days back. the frequent bathroom usage, his breasts throbbing, and cramps. he'd seen it already but this morning it lines up perfectly like it was all meant to be, like everything is built up just for this moment right here.

so with a bounce to his steps, he waits for katsuki's text back. It takes a few mins when katsuki get back from his morning run bc he got a routine and is terribly predictable in that regard. his following texts rip into izuku's choice of food bc IT ISN'T HIS USUAL at all and katsuki have colorful words about the kind of junk izuku force feed into his body and DOESN'T HE KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. HOW THE FUCK DID HE SURVIVES ALL THESE YEARS ON HIS OWN.

izuku smiles down at his phone even though katsuki is blasting him and everything he choose to be, but HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT ALL MEANS. it's kinda adorable so when katsuki get into a slow rant about food group and healthy life choices, izuku cuts in:

me: oh btw im pregnant :)

he didn't get any get any respond from katsuki for the next five mins so during that time izuku makes fresh cup of juice to drink while katsuki works to settle down his panic. when he comes back fifteen mins later, it's to a series of angry keymash and texts.

kacchan: a;sjdasdf

kacchan: as;dlifucccck

kacchan: fuck fuck fuck

kacchan: are you serious?!

kacchan: DONT FUCKING JOKE WIHT ME DEKU

kacchan: i'm coming over right now

kacchan: you better be sitting down

kacchan: don't fucking move even an inch

kacchan: YOU HEAR ME

me: ok

izuku sits there peacefully, enjoying his cup of juice as he waits for katsuki's arrival. one of his hand rests over his stomach carefully & though he hadn't taken any test or get his bloodwork done, he knows, instinctively & intimately that there is a life growing inside of him.

it's all very silly and unproven since there's no concrete evidence to support any of it, but maybe it's his omega instinct, maybe it's his experience as a carrier who brought five children into this world, or maybe it's just wishful thinking on his part, but he knows and this is a truth that won’t be brought down.

izuku takes his job v seriously bc people's happiness hinged on his ability to give them a child they earnestly had wished for so he of course he would want to be pregnant as soon as possible, but--izuku looks down at his stomach, this time even more so he wants it to be real.

he wants to be the one to fulfilled katsuki's earnest wish and give him the child he desired. it's as much a part of his job, his duty, but also something he selfishly wants for himself. this baby, this child will be his only connection to katsuki once his job his completed. they'll part ways after this--no more late night phone calls, morning texts, and silly anecdotes they exchange to each other everyday bc izuku is unlikely to ever see him again. their worlds are just too far apart, like the two planets stuck in orbit but never meeting but at least with this child, izuku knows there is always a piece of him w/ katsuki always. so more than anything, this child will be his gift to katsuki.

he picks up his phone & sends katsuki a text.

me: if you dont mind, could you pick up a pregnancy test just to be sure?

izuku knows himself & his body, but he wants to be 110% sure for katsuki's sake. he doesn't want to get katsuki's hope up only to crush it later. katsuki's respond back is quick and telling.

kacchan: will three do?

kacchan: do you need anything else?

kacchan: i'll get them

izuku pauses, frowning hard as he looks down at his phone.

me: please don't text and drive

me: also, try stay below the speed limits

me: i dont want you to die before you see your child.

this time it takes longer to get a respond back.

kacchan: dont fucking talk to me about the speed laws kacchan: im not a reckless idiot

kacchan: my entire job description is to uphold the law so degenerates dont fucking run amok

kacchan: ... im not driving right now

izuku's brows furrow in thought before a smile cracks across his face.

me: kacchan... did you pull over to the side just to yell at me?

me: that's so terribly cautious and cute of you :3c

me: you're already on your way to becoming a great dad.

kacchan: FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Izuku laughs, light and so tinged with joy that it feels so strange to him to be this happy about something silly as this.

me: not a chance but thanks.

me: dont forget to buy my pregnancy test and i dont need anything else. just come here as soon as possible afterward

and he leaves it that. katsuki doesnt text him back anymore, leaving izuku to wait for his arrival with anticipation. he should get up and clean the apartment so it's presentable at least to katsuki. he hadn't had a guest in a while so this would get a good change but katsuki's warning still loop in his head. getting up to clean the apartment would constitute moving around and izuku is barely into his first trimester so, it's not like he's straining his body or anything. katsuki is just being an overbearing anxious new father.

izuku had seen that before in his past clients, who constantly fret over izuku's health but they're not THE GROUND ZERO and he has the nagging suspicious that he doesn't want to test katsuki's thinning patience with him. it's fun to tease him like this but he knows his limit. so izuku continues to sit there & waits, playing w/ his phone as he scrolls through the hero news site to check any interesting updates. izuku may have long let go of his dream but he can't disconnect from it completely. it's how he stay in the loop w/o actually being a part of it.

izuku's eyes widen as he spots a tweet on the #groundzero tag on twitter that sits atop of all others: "no jokes, guys i think i just a saw #groundzero stormed into my store and headed toward the omega’s hygiene care aisle. he bought a bunch of stuff before heading out.”

it already got a several thousands likes and retweets, with a flood of comments that ranged from "what?? sounds fake lol" or "okay, who would have guess gz would be the one to secretly keeping an omega on the side" and others are filled with more confusion and disbelief.

izuku makes a face. his contract binds him to confidentially and assurance that his identity remains quiet. he never had any problem with his identity being exposed w/ any of previous clients but then again he never had such a famous client before. this--is going to be a headache. he chews down on his lower lip in thought as he shuts down his phone. he's going to have to remind katsuki to be more careful next time lest they figure out what katsuki is up to... and who izuku is to him. not his friend, not his sweetheart, not his omega but his surrogate.

just as izuku ponders about doing damage control, there is a series of loud insistent knocks on his apartment door. izuku blinks and hurriedly to the door w/o any thought who is on the other side bc somehow he knows it got to be *him*.

he opens to door to katsuki's scowling face.

"i told you to not fucking move," katsuki scolds, and pushes his way inside w/o any invite, carefully moving izuku to the side like izuku is made of glass which make izuku annoyed right away but also painfully fond in that . he's an overprotective idiot but he's trying and that's--*something*.

"how else would i let you in then," izuku retorts, rolling his eyes as he leads katsuki into apartment. "im only couple of weeks pregnant at most and you're already asking for miracles."

katsuki scoffs but doesn't argue as he hands izuku a full plastic bag. "okay, start peeing."

"I--" Izuku opens the bag and looks inside, staring down at the pregnancy tests stuffed to the rim of the small bag, all eleven boxes of them, "I dont have enough pee for this."

katsuki frowns. "drink a lot of water then," he suggests.

Izuku shoots him a glare. "that's not funny," he snaps.

katsuki's frowns deepen. "i'm not being funny," he says.

Izuku sighs and just digs his hand into the bag to grab a handful of the boxes. "i'll do only two so dont even." he throws the rest of the bag at katsuki and heads toward the bathroom.

it horrifyingly takes them all 30mins to be done w/ the tests bc katsuki v loudly insisted that he should do more than two, kept on banging on the bathroom door to let him know that. izuku gritted his teeth and took three more and really DID RAN OUT OF PEE AFTER THE FIFTH ONE.

the wait for the test results which only take a mins or two is ramped up by katsuki anxiously pacing back and forth in front of izuku until izuku grabs him by the sleeve of his shirt and drags him down to the sit next to him in the couch. "it'll be okay," he assures katsuki.

katsuki scowls and brushes off his touch, but he seems to breathe a little easier after that. the first three tests gives them a positive, the fourth is a negative, and the fifth is a positive. izuku frowns at the result. he knows in his heart that is w/o a doubt pregnant and the majority of the results support that but, he casts a nervous glance katsuki whose face is seemingly troubled, that's probably not enough for katsuki who spend a load of money to afford izuku's time, commitment, and body. Izuku is expensive but so is katsuki’s time and investment.

he definitely wants more than a dubious result that isn't 100% guarantee that izuku's pregnant and even if izuku tells him that he is truly pregnant bc izuku knows his own body, that may not go well either. "we can get the bloodwork done tomorrow to check for sure," izuku tries to assures him. Sometimes science speak louder than a parental instinct.

katsuki stares at him, eyes so intently focus on izuku that he feels like's a butterfly pinned under katsuki's gaze. abruptly, he reaches a hand out and grabs Izuku's own, giving it a quick and purposeful squeeze. "Move in with me," he says, sounding so grave and serious.

izuku gets up from his seat. "Do you want something to drink?" he asks, already heading toward the kitchen. "suddenly, im parched."

"did you hear what i just said?!" katsuki demands, trailing after him like a yapping puppy on his heels. "And sit the fuck down! let me get it."

abruptly, izuku stops and turns around to face katsuki with a glower on his face. "im just pregnant and not an invalid," he snaps, annoyance prickling at him. he had been doing this longer than katsuki could even imagine. "And i can get the drinks myself in my *own* home thank you." katsuki's eyes widen slightly at the sharp tone izuku had quickly adapted and heaves a sigh, carding a hand through his hair in frustration like izuku is the one being purposely difficult here. "I--fuck--" He frowns, face scrunches as he search for his next words. izuku waits it out, patient and silence against the inner turmoil that must now be swirling inside of katsuki.

katsuki's gaze drops to the floor, hands balling at his side. his breathing even out as he grimaces. "sorry," he finally settles on with a quiet mumble.

Izuku steps back in surprise. shock, really. "w--wait can repeat that again because i just thought i heard you apologized without any prompting."

katsuki flushes, ducking his head. "shut the fuck up. im not going to repeat myself," he rebukes, but the damage had been done.

Despite the years tempering his recklessness out he can't help wanting to poke the hornet's nest. "i honestly didn't think sorry was in your vocabulary, kacchan," he teases, grinning.

katsuki flinches back as though struck, surprising izuku once more. the words were said in jest, meant to ease katsuki into a laugh or close to it at least but something like pained flickers across Katsuki's face that immediately izuku wants to take it all back, but katsuki's expression had already closed up.

Izuku's heart hurt, thinking that he'd lost him. he'd pushed too hard. they're aren't friends, barely acquaintances really. just a client-employee dynamic that izuku should have been careful of. he always know where to toe the line of the boundaries of his job and with his client, but--they were doing so well that he'd hoped. been so hopeful because it had almost feels like they were sort of friends again.

izuku and katsuki had always orbit each other's world but childish pride, anger, and superiority had torn them apart and izuku was pushed out of Katsuki’s life. now that they're older, izuku is no longer that child blindingly infatuated with this remarkable person before him. he knows what he's capable of and katsuki had certainly earned his place at the top of the world but he won't be cowed either. so it's fine if katsuki doesn't want to fall back into a some kind of make shift friendship with him. it's fine if he just want to think izuku is just a walking incubator for his child. izuku will survive. He had survive this long without katsuki ‘s looming shadow after all.

katsuki hunches over as he grits his teeth. "fuck."

izuku blinks.

"i'm not that shitty fucked up kid anymore," katsuki nearly growl out, pinning izuku with a look of full intent. "I'm," he swallows, hesitant, wary, "i'm trying to be a better person, a friend, a son, and most importantly a father now that we have a spawn coming our way."

Izuku's heart quickens at the 'we' usage even though it probably means nothing. nothing at all. katsuki was only just opening himself to him. this is something that startling new and truly welcoming experience for katsuki and izuku shouldn't mistake it for anything else. he can't be too greedy. so he steps forward, wanting to reach out and touch katsuki to affirm of his existence, but he doesn't. not when katsuki is like an exposed wire right now--twitchy, nervous, and just a little shy of imploding from carving himself open for izuku to see all his true feelings and motives.

izuku smiles.

"If i didn't think you were a good person then i wouldn't have entrusted this child,” he touches his still flat stomach, knowing life is stirring underneath his palm, "with you." katsuki truly had grown up. he'll be a good father, izuku muses but it's a bittersweet feeling. "i still want my independence though," he continues. "i've done this many times before so you can stop treating me like i'm going to break if you breath the wrong way. thousands and millions of omegas and women have been doing this a lot longer than me and they're fine. im fine, so breathe."

katsuki's presses his lip together into a grim line. "I know that," he shakes his head, "but you dont have to this alone. i'll want to be there with you every step of the way even if it mean you need someone to run to the grocery store for some shitty midnight craving. I want to be the first person you think about when you need any kind of assistance not because you're weak or helpless but because you just need someone, so let me be that person for you," he finishes, looking on in pained after spouting such sweet sentiments.

it makes izuku want to laugh, but he doesn't think that would be welcoming right now because katsuki still got his pride after all. "I'll think about it," he acquiesce, heart warming several hundred degrees as though he's standing under the direct sunlight of bakugou katsuki.

katsuki grimaces, clearly unhappy with izuku's non-answer but he relents anyway with a long heave. "ok, ok, i can deal with that," he says like the words alone was hard enough to swallow, "but if you change your mind at any moment just let fucking know!"

Oh, no, izuku thinks helplessly. he wants to give katsuki a treat for being so annoyingly overbearing but considerate in his own clumsy ways. "well, if you behave yourself, i might even consider taking you with me to my OBGYN doc this thursday," he says casually with a shrug.

Katsuki scowls, but he stands up straighter. "I'll--" he looks away, flushed with an earnest yearning spread across his face, "be good, okay?"

Izuku quietly tucks a smile between his pressed lips before it break through even though this is terrible for his weak, weak heart.

#bakudeku #not!fic #surrogate au #hi SORRY im back now #i got distracted by uh reading some stuff so i didn't keep up with my post QQ

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robotpals · 3 years

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hey! idk if you're still taking questions about mhc, but i'm committed to mt holyoke for this fall and still not 100% sure. i kind of have a lot, so answer as many or as few as you'd like lol they're in order of priority

completely honestly, how much do people still call it a "women's college"? it was a really big factor for me that mhc was gender diverse, and since visiting has been kind of funky this year, it's been hard to tell how committed the school actually is to trans allyship (full disclosure, i'm a cis girl) and how much the students try to respect that

related to how welcome men and nonbinary folks feel-- when i show up on campus, are like 99% of the students going to be women (trans or cis), or am i being overly pessimistic about the remaining emphasis on women?

sustainability is a big focus for me, and was a factor that actually had me leaning away from mhc (most of the other schools i applied to were shooting for carbon neutrality years before 2037, and had more options for composting and such). the actual question part is: how hard would it be to try to be low/zero waste on campus (esp. plastics)? would the dining halls be able to accommodate that (outside of COVID years)? are there any significant obstacles i might run across?

i'd also like to get more politically involved in college, are there a lot of opportunities for that? (like, protests, or mutual aid, or politically oriented clubs)

how hard is it to get the classes you want? how many classes did you personally take at the other consortium colleges? (or if you're not comfortable with that, what might the average be?)

thank you so much! i'm sorry if this is too much or my tone is weird, and feel free to redirect me for any of this

Hello! Congratulations to you as well -- whether it’s where you end up or not, you should know that I’m proud of you for applying and being accepted! I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be for some of your questions, but I can certainly try to answer them. I’m putting a read-more because I have a feeling my answers may be long!

As to your first question, MHC still is a women’s college -- though a gender diverse one (I know that isn’t a helpful answer, but I think it describes the culture best!). Maybe the best way to think of it is that Mt Holyoke’s history is deeply steeped in what being a women’s college means: a lot of the traditions and details of the school can be traced back to its days as a women’s seminary. The fact that it was a place for women to get an education in a time when typically women couldn’t is something to be proud of, and definitely something that students celebrate -- though of course the category of “woman” who could be educated in the college’s early days was very limited to white affluent women. Something that I appreciated about MHC was it felt like nearly all of my fellow students were as social justice oriented as I am -- so there were always discussions about recognizing the college’s failings and history of discrimination, as well as celebrating those students who pushed for diversity and opened the doors to students who wouldn’t have been admitted in the college’s early days. That doesn’t mean that mhc is perfect, and as a white woman I’m not the best person to talk about those issues, but in general I thought the student body was willing to have hard discussions and advocate for critically examining mhc’s past.

I think my years there were interesting because my first year was the year the college announced it would accept trans women (the first of the “seven sisters” / historic east coast women’s colleges to do so!), though prior to my arrival trans men (those who applied still closeted/questioning and then came out while a student) were enrolled. I should disclose that I, too, am a cis woman! So any thoughts I have on what it’s like for trans students is based entirely on conversations with trans friends and not personal experience. Basically, though MHC is a women’s college, I think the large population of lgbt students means that gender/respect for trans students is more at the forefront than it would be at some other schools. I’m currently a student at a Big 10 state university for a masters program, and I definitely think that MHC was way more accepting of gender diversity than here -- asking about pronouns and respecting people’s gender identities were totally commonplace at MHC seven years ago, but undergrads I know at this university have said that there are lots of students who treat discussions about respecting pronouns as a joke :/ -- I hope that MHC has only continued to improve its treatment of gender diverse students since I was there.

That being said, there are definitely transphobic students -- and unfortunately, old and bigoted staff members. I remember when I was a student, the college released a memo for staff/faculty that said that emails to the student body shouldn’t use gendered language (like saying “Hey girls” or whatever LOL) and while every student I talked was in support of that, there were definitely rumors of some older professors throwing fits about that. I don’t remember any terfs on campus -- thank god -- but there was a “young republicans” student group that was super obnoxious (they only had three members LOL but they complained CONSTANTLY about how other students telling them to shut up was infringing on their first amendment rights).

I have no idea what the numbers are, but when I was a student, it definitely seemed like the vast majority of students were women/women-aligned (cis, trans, or nb) or nonbinary, so if you really want a campus with more men, MHC may not be a great choice.

As far as sustainability: I really don’t know. I know that a big discussion when I was a student was divestment from fossil fuels, and MHC refused to make any promises to divest. When I was a student, there were a couple student advocacy groups dedicated to challenging the college to be more sustainable, so if you want to learn more, I would try to find info about those organizations and ask them. Sorry I don’t know more! For some reason I thought MHC composted, but I don’t know for sure -- I know that when you finish eating, you just put your plate on a conveyor belt and there are dining hall staff who sort through what’s what. Again, you could reach out to dining and ask! And if you end up at MHC and they aren’t composting, I think that would be something they might be open to implementing -- advocacy is key.

For political involvement, I think there are lots of opportunities! MHC is in a fairly rural location, but students on campus when I was there organized marches, walk-outs, and protests for the student body. There are advocacy groups for different interests, as well as cultural groups that organized events around specific issues. It’s definitely a campus where you can get involved with issues that are important to you. Again, I don’t know what the culture is like at other colleges, but in comparison to my graduate program, activism at MHC was far more robust.

For classes, I never had trouble taking the classes I wanted! But to be fair, my majors were uncommon enough that that isn’t too surprising (religion and ancient studies LOL). Among my friends, no one seemed to have trouble getting the classes they wanted -- the only class that I remember people having trouble getting into was a class on the history of witchcraft in the gender studies department! Which is SO mt holyoke LOL.

I only took one class outside mhc -- which in retrospect I regret not taking more -- it was a class on Icelandic saga literature at umass amherst. It was a really fun class, and I enjoyed getting the glimpse into what life would have been like if I had gone to a big state school for undergrad! Overall, I thought the process for taking a class off campus was super easy and the only downside was the bus ride was like half an hour.

I hope my answers make sense! I feel like I should disclose that I’m finishing up my grad school program this week (!) so I’ve been particularly nostalgic for undergrad recently -- I’m stressed about exams, so my rose tinted glasses are ON 🙃 but I hope this has been helpful! I think that so many people make it seem like college is the most perfect wonderful time ever, but in actuality it’s pretty weird -- people living away from home for the first time, trying to figure themselves out, exploring their interests and passions, etc. ... so I would encourage you not to think of college as a perfect place, but a place where you will have room to grow! I definitely had times where I HATED being a student at mhc, but I certainly would have had those times anywhere I went -- and in the end, I’m glad I chose mt holyoke and I think it was a place I was able to grow and flourish into who I am today!

#wahhh this is long sorry!!!#mount holyoke #anonymous

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bangtan-madi · 4 years

Text

All Of Our Lifetimes — One: Daymare

Pairing — Taehyung x Reader

Tags — boyfriend!Taehyung, husband!Taehyung reincarnation au, lovers to strangers and to lovers again, established relationship, implied soulmate au

Genre — fluff, angst, crime (ish)

Word Count — 2.7k

Summary — Does love ever truly end, or does it simply take another form in a new life? The cycle is like clockwork: your lives end and you’re reborn again. You’ve lived it over and over. Each cycle, one of you loses your memories and is tragically unaware until the other finds and awakens their lover. After all these eons, all these lifetimes, is it possible to find each other again—even when neither of you awakens with your memories?

Part — 1 / 10

Warnings — swearing

A/N — This is going up a few hours earlier than I said previously, but I don’t care! Tuesday is the worst day of the week so I need to put out something good lol. Enjoy!

Previous — Next

"Find me... Find me... F—"

"—Oh, fuck me!"

Milo's temper tantrum draws you from your intense daydream. Jolting in your seat, breath ragged and heartbeat racing, you see your roommate throw a copy of her resume across the living room in a burst of rage.

"Fuck you," she points sharply at the paper, "fuck this, and fuck me!"

As Milo throws herself onto the couch, draping her forearm dramatically across her eyes, she heaves a heavy sigh and groans loudly.

"How are we supposed to have this much experience for an entry-level job, [Y/n]? We were lied to. I feel wronged. Can I sue?"

You shake your head, trying to push the daymare away from your mind. It's not the first time this has happened, and it certainly won't be the last, but somehow that man's face keeps coming back to you. Day and night, he's all you see when you close your eyes, almost like a memory...

You feign a smile as you reply, "Who are you gonna sue, Mi? You're the one that insisted on doing your resume yourself, after our internships."

Milo gestures extravagantly with her free hand, making shapes in the air with her fingers. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe the professor who told us that we'd have enough to get a job overseas by the time we graduated? Maybe the damned school who never mentioned the fact that South Korean's are so damn particular? Maybe my mom who never forced me to continue speaking Korean or writing Hangul when I was a kid so that I had to basically re-learn every-fucking-thing?"

The highs and lows of her complaints cause a laugh to slip out as you turn your attention back to your own resume, a digital copy ready for edits on your laptop. "You're gonna sue your Mrs. Choi? Doesn't sound like a great idea. Besides, I like her too much. Her kimchi is to die for. And if you had already known Korean and Hangul, we may have never met!"

Your best friend nods once, accepting this fact as true. "Probably not. That semester in a foreign language really did solidify our nerdiness about South Korea." She jabs a finger in your direction. "But I have a one-up on you 'cause my grandparents were first-gen immigrants from Seoul. So ha!"

Raising your hands in mock defeat, you retort, "You win that one. I'm just an American."

"So sad." The brunette sits up with an excited expression, eyes wide as she crawls over to you on your side of the sofa. "How about my academic advisor, if you can even call the woman an advisor for rehashing my own questions back at me? She convinced me that I could get a job anywhere, with any degree. So what did I go with? Interior design! I can't find a single freakin' job in Seoul for that! Not that doesn't require, like, three years experience, a particular certification that I conveniently did not get, and a signed contract with the Evil Underlord Satan."

"I really don't think that's gonna work, but hey go ahead and try!"

Milo shoves your shoulder playfully, turning to the television to change it to the New Year's Rockin' Eve show that you'd been waiting to start. "You're the one that took ethics classes! I thought you'd be able to tell me if I had a case."

You scoff, "I took business ethics, not legal ethics! But I can agree with you partly. That woman was of no help. At all. Glad I wasn't stuck with her as an advisor since I was in the communications program."

"Yeah, I like to compare her to our house: a conventional ranch with no personality."

You burst into laughter, and Milo hops up from the sofa, an amused expression on her face. She tosses the remote in your direction. "Get the channel right. I can't find it. I wanna watch the ABC exclusive. Pretty sure we get that through YouTube TV."

You catch the remote with ease and turn to the menu. "You think I know how this thing works? I only use Netflix and Crunchy Roll."

"Just shut up and search, will ya?"

You roll your eyes and do as your roommate asks. "Why ABC? Isn't it easier to just stream it online?"

"Becauuuse BTS! They're gonna be performing in, like, ten minutes!"

"What's that again?" you tease.

"Okay, I am not dealing with you right now. Don't make me come over there and hit you with the champagne bottle."

The last two words catch your attention. You turn around, rest your arms on the back of the sofa, and give your best friend the biggest puppy-dog eyes you can manage. "Pour me a glass, Jagiya?"

Milo smirks at the Korean pet name and grabs the golden bottle from the refrigerator. "Get your ass over here so we can pop it and move on. I ain't waiting for midnight. We got shit to do before then, and I can't work on this job-seeking stuff for another damn second without some alcohol in me."

You squeal a tiny, "Yay!" before leaping over the back of the sofa and joining your roommate in the kitchen.

After the champagne is popped and poured, both of you return to your places on the sofa. You take a sip from your glass as Milo calls your favorite local pizza place to place an order.

"Pickup in fifteen, which is perfect! I don't wanna miss BTS," she giggles, pushing her champagne away. "No drinking and driving. I can wait until I get back."

"You're giving up champagne for this band?" you tut, swirling your glass to show off the drink. "You must really love these boys."

Milo narrows her dark eyes at you and tosses her hair over her shoulder. "You'll see."

Another sip and you turn back to your laptop, the noise of the New Year's Rockin' Eve in the background. "Mhm, sure."

You continue to work in relative quiet for the next five minutes until Milo breaks the peace with an elated screech, a sound that is more similar to that of an animal than a twenty-something woman.

"They're on!" She grabs your arm and shakes it vigorously. "Look at them!"

You stop your edits to your portfolio and turn to the television with a sigh. The crowd has started to go mad over the seven men currently trotting up the stairs and on to the stage. The singing has already begun, and you have to admit that their voices harmonized spectacularly together.

But there's one voice, in particular, that is so familiar to you. Despite being mixed in with the group, the lowest register has your eyes leaving your laptop screen and shifting to the television. You can't put your finger on it, but there's something so soft, so real, so warm about it.

The camera zeroes in on the seven men. All are dressed to the nines and look like they're having a blast while performing. So not only can they sing and dance—and, for some, rap—they're all stupid good looking, each in their own unique way.

As the first song comes to a close, and Milo sings the last verse at the top of her lungs, the camera pans to the man in the center. He delivers some of the last lines in a voice as soft and warm as the one you'd heard amongst the mass. Except, this time, he stands out.

But you recognize more than his voice; his appearance is familiar, too. Despite remaining in the background for most of the first song's performance, there's something about the man with the wavy black hair and similarly colored trench coat that calls to you. On an ordinary day, on any other day, you would wave it off as a simple attraction.

But this—this is different. You can't put your finger on how or why, but you know that you've met this person before.

Lightning strikes. You know where you've seen this face before. He's been in your dreams and nightmares, your daymares and daytime imagination. He's been all over your mind, consuming it for the past few months. You've always had this dream, ever since you were a child, but lately, those nightmares have been getting more frequent. This man might be a slightly younger version than the one that plagues your dreams, but it's the same person. You're sure of it. Every time you close your eyes, his face is the one you see.

Right before you both die.

The next song begins, and the dark-haired stranger is back at the front. For the remainder of their eight-minute time slot, your eyes are glued to the screen, unable to comprehend where this person came from. You have distinct memories of your mother consoling a three-year-old you after having these same night terrors. Surely, you could not have seen this person back then. It's unlikely you saw him at all, and certainly not as he is at the turn of the decade.

"Who's that?"

Milo follows your gesture, seeing the raven-haired man taking center stage once again. "That's Kim Taehyung! Pretty, isn't he?" She chuckles at your expression. "You have a bias already, damn that's impressive. I mean, I'm more of a Hoseok girl myself but..."

Your roommate's chatter fades away as your attention is once again drawn to the screen. The performance ends, and the show shifts to a different artist, all part of the New Year's Rockin' Eve circus.

"Welp, that was worth the wait, but I'm gonna go pick up that pizza," Milo cheers, hopping to her feet. "Don't drink all the champagne before I get back!"

You shake your head and wave to the brunette as she slips out the door. Turning back to your laptop, you open a new search bar and put in two words: Kim Taehyung.

Millions of results pop up, everything from Wikipedia articles to Koreaboo gossip posts and everything in between. The entire time Milo is gone, you spend online researching BTS' V. By the end of the half-hour, you've learned quite a bit about him—taking particular note that his birthday is just a few days after yours—and have stalked his social media.

A little farther down on the results, you see an ad for Big Hit Entertainment. The ad says that the company is looking for bi-lingual speakers, preferably English and Korean, to hire as a production assistant. Out of curiosity, you click on the link and are taken to Big Hit's site.

Milo returns with fanfare, holding the pizza in front of her like Simba the lion. "It's the cirrrcle of life!" she sings. "They were definitely talking about pizza when they wrote that line."

As she plops the box onto the kitchen counter, you make a sound of vague agreement. Milo asks you how many pieces you want, but you hardly hear her, eyes skimming the job posting over and over.

Is this a possibility? Is this something you're actually considering? Besides the fact that you just saw the add a few minutes ago, your reasons for applying are vague at best. Are you weighing the real options, or are you leaning into this particular job because it might lead you to answers? Or maybe give you an opportunity to meet this Kim Taehyung, maybe even ask him questions?

"Hello? Earth to [Y/n]!" Milo reaches over the back of the sofa to wave a hand in front of your face. Snapping you out of your stupor, your best friend laughs. "Damn, what are you reading? You're really out—wait...is that Big Hit? You found a job posting? What!"

Milo grabs your laptop and pulls it from your grasp. "Mi—"

She brings it over the back of the couch, placing it on the counter beside the pizza. Her brown eyes are wide and curious as she scrolls through the information. "Production assistant for Big Hit, in Seoul, for a bi-lingual speaker with no prior experience? Dude. This is the perfect job! Like, seriously, where did you find this?"

"On Google," you sigh, knowing that you're not going to get the laptop back until Milo relinquishes her control. You settle in on the stool beside her. "I was looking...for postings while you were gone. I stumbled across it."

Milo cocks an eyebrow and shows you your search history, terms which mostly consist of "BTS," "BTS V," and "Kim Taehyung."

"Mhm, suuure, we'll go with job postings."

You take the device from her with a playful scowl. "My point remains. This is exactly what I've been looking for. It says here that the job would be a lot of translation work, both in person and on documents. I'd also assist in the studio while recording or producing. And various other tasks, but I think it'd put my communications major to good use. It's a step in the right direction."

"You sure you just don't wanna see Taehyung-ssi?" she giggles.

A rising feeling of defensiveness comes over you as you close your laptop, moving to the sofa to retrieve your glass of champagne. "I just heard BTS for the first time tonight, Milo. I'm not about to pick my first post-college job and move half-way around the world for a boy I don't even know, let alone a K-pop boy."

"A cute K-pop boy, though."

You return to her side, raising both eyebrows in an expression that says, "Really?"

Milo shrugs, raising her hands in mock surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll let it go. Just an odd choice for you."

"Well, it's like we were saying earlier." You grab a piece of pizza from the box and shove the end into your mouth. "What'd we got t'lose?"

Milo makes a "close your mouth" gesture with her hand, grimacing at the sight. "Points were made. Fine, but maybe sleep on it? And this is me telling you to not be impulsive," she laughs towards the end. "But what the hell. If you go for it, I might have to find a job in Seoul sooner than I thought."

"I'm sure there are thousands of applicants," you grimace, the reality of the situation settling in.

Milo grabs a slice for herself and wraps an arm around your shoulders. "And you're worth each and every one of 'em." After pressing a loud kiss to your temple, she slips from the bench and plops back down on the sofa. "C'mon! We got some balls to drop and resumes to edit."

Later that evening, or earlier the next morning, you're left cleaning up as Milo reclines on the sofa in a tipsy slumber. After the New Year rolls in, along with a brand new decade, you're left alone with your thoughts.

Thoughts and several disposable dishes.

As you tidy up, you contemplate the options in front of you. Sure, you'd sent out several resumes to plenty of companies already. Some of which you'd heard absolutely nothing from, while others have let you know they'll get back to you about a possible interview. So far, nothing has been terribly promising.

So what' the harm in applying for the Big Hit job in Seoul?

The other half of your motivation slips into your sleepy mind. The person you've seen since childhood, could he really be Taehyung? Could you finally be so close to the answers? Why only one dream? Why him? Why so much blood and death?

Does he dream of you, too?

The laptop remains on the kitchen counter, and your fingers itch to open it up and send off your completed resume. This could lead to more than just a new job and a fresh start; this could lead to the answers you've been seeking ever since you were three years old.

A tiny voice inside you says, "Do it."

And, against your better judgment, you listen.

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

Text

WhatsApp? Part 2. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You've never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone's eye, to be loved. One day, that's about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you

A/N: Tagging is opened as much as you like, babes. To ask us the only thing you should do.

Warnings: None really, just Steve and the duo being themselves. Also, other Avengers appear sort of? (I am proud of those guest appearances. Bwehehe.)

Tagging: @missdictatorme

Read other parts here: Part One

So your texting with that mysterious Steve Rogers started.

You had exactly zero ideas who the man is (you sucked history, be honest with yourself and you didn't hear about an Avenger named Steve Rogers either). All you could say that he is really well mannered and nice to you. Which was a nice change and you welcomed it as well? The only thing that didn't escape your concerns was that he never intended to make a move with you.

And that was a serious change since you knew a lot of guys who's goal was simple: get girls into their beds, on their backs, and without panties. Steve wasn't like that at all. His texts during the day were simple and light-hearted as these:

Steve: Good morning, Y/N. How was your night like? Did you sleep well? (This one came at 5 a.m. so Steve had a serious issue with being a morning bird. You couldn't decide if you liked it, because it seemed like Steve's thinking about you, or if you hated it because these ones had the tendencies to wake you up.)

Steve: Enjoy your meal, Y/N. I'm in downtown so I am about to decide what to eat. (Texts like this usually came around 11 a.m. and you thought that it's his own way to remind you of having an actual lunch.)

Steve: Goodnight, Y/N. Sleep tight. I'll text you in the morning. (A text like this always came around 10 p.m. when you were about to go to sleep; Steve picked on your daily schedule really fast. It was a formal yet light-hearted text which always made you smile.)

You tend to control your language, grammar, and spelling way more than before, not wanting to appear dumb in front of the strange man, you didn't use emojis except plain ':)' because you noticed that Steve isn't exactly emoji's man. And words like lol and rofl? Those were forbidden.

This thing lasted for two weeks at least and you always grinned when you find a text from that mysterious Steve. You just sat at your desk, wishing that man bon appetit to his lunch whatever he decided to eat.

"Okay, spill the truth." - Your boss suddenly appeared in front of your desk, freaking the living hell out of your body. She wasn't angry about using a phone at the workplace at all - but you irritated her with your constant grinning. - "What's up? Or WhatsApp is more like it? I larb those puns." - She grinned at herself.

May Parker was the sweetest woman you have ever known. She was an energetic woman, sometimes a bit too much for your liking, funny and relaxed almost 24/7. She loved those weird words which the younglings were saying. Not that you were old, but you sometimes couldn't comprehend what she was saying. You almost couldn't tell that she was really close to her fifties, because of the way she behaved and dressed.

It was really bad with her almost a half year ago. She has lost her husband Ben, such a lovely and polite man, and she was left alone to raise her nephew Peter up.

He was a lovely guy as well. He respected women at all cost, he was funny and he always brought you something to eat. You loved that kid with your whole soul - everyone was suspicious that Peter developed a huge crush on you, but you knew about his feelings for Liz Toomes, a girl from his school. He crushed on her so her much. You awed every time he rambled about Liz that and Liz this.

He maybe admitted he liked you a bit, an itsy-bitsy bit, but he was a small kid and he knew you were way out of his league. You were more like his best friend than a crush.

"Let me guess, Peter said I larb you once and you didn't let go since then, did you?" - You chuckled, trying to make her forget about Steve. But you knew that woman too well. When May started something, she will push you through living hell with her energetic attitude to the finish line.

It was always like that since the first day you two met.

You worked under May ever since you finished your studies. She was leading one department of a local charity and you just loved to help those who needed your help. Everyone always said that having too many women at one workplace can be a living hell - and they were really far away from the truth.

There were only women in your department and you loved it. You celebrated everyone's birthday, every day someone baked something or brought the coffee for everyone. You usually split to groups for lunch, taking your pause for a half an hour and then change the seats with the next group. It was just lovely. And you found your three best friends out there - May, Suzie and Deena. You, Suzie and Deena used to hang out together a lot. Sometimes you took May with you, but most of the times she stayed at home with Pete.

"Don't you dare to bring my focus on Peter. Now tell me," - She sat on your desk, supporting herself with her hand, looking you dead into your eyes. - "Is this the lucky guy you met in the club? Suzie told me by the fridge last Friday."

"Am I even surprised? No, I am not. Suzie would say anything to everyone, isn't that right?" - You yelled to Suzie's desk and earned a loud frick you. (That was another word that Peter brought to your office.) - "It is not that guy. He didn't give me his number." - You rolled your eyes at your endless dumbness. You realized what is about to come - NYPD lead by May Parker.

"So where have you met him?" - May asked with a concerned voice. - "On Tinder? It's nothing wrong. A lot of young people actually met that way. But what if he's an old pedo or a creep? Did he try to make you send some nudes? You know you can call police at him, right?" - May squirmed in a scared voice. She really loved you as her bestie (another word she used too much and which Peter had taught her.) She was genuinely scared for you.

"Does Y/N look like a small child to you, May? Don't you need to see an ophthalmologist? You really need new glasses." - Valerie, another of your mates said in a playful voice as she passed your desk with her swaying hips. She was a lesbian and a really beautiful one. You and Deena hissed and wheezed at that joke.

"Val is right. Just look at Y/N's cleavage. She couldn't look like a small child even if she tried." - Deena said and continued laughing. - "Agreed." - Val said with a sinful wink but you knew that she knows you're not into LGBT activities.

"Alright ladies, stop right there. Let's keep it PG-13." - You said with a smile. You loved these women so much. - "Steve is... A gentleman. A really nice mannered man. And he probably has a dog. We're texting for two weeks in a row and he didn't ask anything nasty at all. So calm down and keep your panties dry, okay?" - You finished and looked at May.

"Well, that thing is behind us. Now tell me, what do you need?" - You smiled at her and took the papers she put in front of you into your palms.

"You remember that charity ball for the Marina?" - She asked. Yeah, the Marina ball to support your soldiers on the sea. It was always something special. It was a fight for your place between the other charities. This event was always held by Tony Stark and it was a really extraordinary evening.

Every time it was centered around different themes and Marinas were on the program this year. (You tried to raise the funds for children with leukemia.) You, as always, attended the night where departments of charities prepared a special program - some chose to do stand up comedy (and those were usually the best), some chose a choreography and others sang a song. There was a lot of things to think about. But it was a rivalry contest after all - every charity tried to raise the biggest money for themselves, or at least for their own name and prestige. It was a fight for your clean shield and for your department's honor.

And May always went over the top with her moral motivational speeches around that time of year. She was like a ball of pure energy which always made you awe but scared as hell.

"How would I not?" - You chuckled at her.

"Stark, or his assistant, signed us up with that choreography. They will be sending some money on the costumes. You are the economic genius in our group so make it work. " - May smiled at you and left.

Then, an hour later, you stopped working for a slight sec and you caught yourself thinking about that Steve. Who was he? You were so curious about him. It was itching your consciousness. You wanted to know more about that man. What did he like to do? What did he liked to eat?

"Hey!" - A sudden yell into your ear almost shot you down from your chair. You almost smashed Peter's angelic cute face with your keyboard. But he dropped a coffee and a piece of cake in front of you, so you slowly let the keyboard down.

"Was that necessary?" - You looked him down when he innocently smiled on the empty chair next to you. He started spinning around subconsciously as he always used to do. - "You will have to give me a heard massage one day. You'll kill me."

"With those tones of caffeine and sugar, he buys you every time he comes here? He surely will. Hey, Petey boy." - Deena smiled at Peter and nudged his hair playfully because she knew how much Pete hates it. He laughed and tried to make his hair look normal again.

"You were out of your mind completely, Y/N. I was grinning at you since I came into the office and you looked through the window. So your death would be your own fault. Anyway... What's up?" - Pete spun at a fast pace, looking at you with his hazelnut eyes. Even this boy noticed? You. Were. Screwed. But it was only better if you tell him yourself - May would be interpreting it as if Steve was a creep or that you're getting married to Steve. There was nothing between that.

"I'm texting with a guy." - You said quietly.

"Okay. Like, friendly or like..." - His cheeks got rosy as he stared you down with that stare. Since Peter got his birds and bees talk, he saw sex within everything. He was a boy in puberty, after all, it was normal.

"Calm your thoughts down, you dirty pig. I can hear them." - You rolled eyes and laughed - "We're casually texting. He's just nice to me, reminding me to eat, wishing me goodnight... You know what I'm talking about. But I think about how I can get to know him better. I would love to."

"That's simple as the sun rotating around the earth, dummydumdum. Just play a question game with him. Five questions each. We played that when I got to high school, to get to know each other better." - Peter said. And he was right - that was a good and a safe idea. He was a smart kid and you knew that. But that wasn't your main concern at that moment.

"You called me dummydumdum? You know what you are? Ultra dummydumdum!" - You exclaimed and heard Val laughing in the back.

----

Y/N: Let's get to know each other. I'm kinda curious about you. :)

That freaked Steve the hell out. Has she realized? She had fourteen days after all. And she surely wasn't dumb or ignorant. Those thoughts have earned him a punch to the nose. He squealed and looked at Natasha's fist.

"Don't you try me with your puppy look, Rogers." - She pointed her finger at him with a warning in her eyes, knowing that this sparring with Steve sucked like hell. - "This punch was well deserved. It's almost afternoon and you're out of your mind. What happened? Some technology attacked you again? Should I kick its ass for you?" - Nat grinned and reminded him of his situation with the smart fridge which somehow shot a whole cube of ice onto his forehead. It was hilarious, at least for her.

"Y/N wants to know me better. I don't know what to do?" - Steve sipped his water and refused to give Nat any munition to support that fridge story.

"Oh. I see. Girl problems. I forgot that you're a boy in puberty." - Natasha rolled her eyes. - "Spill the tea. What did those two say to you and then I'll maybe give my opinion on the situation." - She demanded, braiding her own hair which reminded Steve of the fire.

"Bucky said that it's just a natural process between two people." - Steve started carefully. - "And Sam mentioned something about shagging and that she wants to see the D. I have absolutely no idea what he said. But he laughed like a lunatic so I can finish the context."

Natasha genuinely laughed at that. She didn't like Wilson that much, but he always seemed so dumb it just amused her every time. Everything he said or every advice he gave? Pure comedic pearls centered around sex. Always. It was almost unbelievable.

"Go into it. Don't hold back. Try to risk a little. Live a life, Rogers. If she knows, she knows. She didn't try to make you face the fact she knows, so let it be. And now come to the ring. I can't wait to kick your super-serum ass." - Natasha grinned, leaving him behind.

Steve: I will gladly answer your questions in the evening. I can't right now. Have a lovely day at work. :)

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #captain america #may parker #peter parker #marvel #mcu #natasha romanoff #black widow #the falcon #sam wilson #the winter soldier #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #enjoy babes

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sasukeslilkitten · 4 years

Text

an essay about fashion dolls in recent days by an adult doll collector

as a doll collector, even though I grew up with Barbie, when Bratz came out, they took my heart & I think eternally Bratz will be the doll that I love the most.

as an adult i literally despise Barbie because even though the premise was Barbie is rich bitch who can do anything, her proportions were very irksome & unrealistic to me even as a child & as I grew up I was more & more disgusted by her. Sure, in 60s-90s that body was ideal & could even be considered ideal now. But twig arms, ridiculous super model height, exaggerated hip & chest with nickel wide waist just seems very detrimental to me. Not to mention every so often buzzfeed or daily mail etc will bring you the stories of women turning themselves into barbie dolls... & yes, I recognize that Barbie has become more inclusive to everyone now, but in my opinion, Barbie is almost like aged up American Girl, the Disney of the doll world.

However, I felt like Bratz had a very typical & realistic body type for someone between the age of twelve to even twenty two. Bratz bodies aren’t very plastic surgery heavy at all. Bratz were the embodiment of the nineties, a symbol of the changing times by that point. The fashion dolls. Flashy, exciting & alternative. The doll for the egirl, the doll with edge. The doll for the youth with a passion for fashion. At one point my mom had taken a good deal of my Bratz doll clothes for her Bratz & when I was left to look at the remaining clothes I thought “wow, these are literally the sluttiest clothes.” I loved it! Barbie may be a doctor or a lawyer, but the Bratz spent big money on their clothes to go out dancing in, Bratz are out here to have fun. The Bratz would feature in a style magazine more times than Barbie ever could with hair & make up leagues louder & flashier than Barbie could ever dream.

Bratz are my favorite doll & nothing will change my feelings for the original Bratz. It is incredibly painful that Mattel bought out Bratz when they were fighting a losing battle against Littlest Pet Shop.. Yet I would like to bring up that having Bratz aimed at both adults & children would have been the better way to go. There is a good enough amount of adult collectors besides myself who would quickly jump to a preorder of a new Bratz doll in the original style. & we had that happen in 2018 & the adult collectors loved it! So why hasn’t it happened again?

When Mattel bought out Bratz they changed the Bratz body to resemble a smaller & more realistic, toned down Barbie. At first, it was so subtle that I saw the body had changed & I could tell you how it changed, but I didn’t realize it was a smaller more proportionate version of Barbie’s body until I read someone else say it in an article & I couldn’t unsee it. My opinion on the second Bratz body is that, if Bratz never had a first body, if the second body was the original, I would be completely fine with it because it seemed like a regular lady body with no flash & slightly more human than the original Bratz body.

Another change Mattel had made was they toned down the new Bratz hair & make up. Hairs weren’t done over the top or super stylized anymore, they became very basic, & I can’t think of any second body doll with a fun make up at all. Did they even wear make up at this point?? & the face became far reminiscent of My Scene. Yet, one thing I did appreciate about the hair change was we got a lot more short hairs which Bratz never did before. Like Shania is a great example of that. I had to have Shania solely for her hair. But the body change caused a difference in fit between the originals & the dolls after Mattel bought them out. The difference isn’t terrible, but as much as I tried to like the second body, when I would share clothes between the original & second bodies, the clothes fit awkwardly on the opposing bodies, to the point it was irritating in some cases but interesting in others.

Then Monster High became a phenomenon. I couldn’t understand this. Of course I liked the alternative monster based premise. I love that idea! However, their bodies disgusted me. I didn’t like the fact there would be zero compatibility between Monster High & Bratz. I didn’t like their weird scoliosis & tiny binded chests. The only appeal I could fathom with Monster High was the fun monster concept for girls with alternative interests. Also, for many years, I was under the impression Monster High only wore dresses which was really disturbing to me.

After Mattel found Bratz proceeding to lose the battle against Monster High, they came out with possibly the greatest & most ill fated doll line; Bratzillaz. For those who don’t know, they are a combination of the second Bratz body with the posibility of Monster High. & their face is a slightly toned down version of the original Bratz with a layered glassy looking eye. Their faces have a softer, more adorable & angelic look than any other doll I have ever encountered in my life. Their faces are like a mix of original Bratz with Pullip. I admit that when it came to clothing & ideas, Bratzillaz were lacking miserably. Rather than even trying to fight the monster idea, they were a witch academy. Yet there were werewolf & mermaid characters. There were a lot of fun colored hair & eyes. For being dolls so breathtakingly beautiful, they had an incredibly painful run of one full year, maybe a little over a year.

Instead Mattel decided to make Bratz more child oriented. Again, many adult collectors would still be very into the original fashion heavy Bratz dolls... But no, we get these god awful alien bodied, deformed Bratz dolls. Their bodies look a lot more like Monster High but if you completely removed the ability to pose them... So what’s even the point then? They can’t do anything, they can’t stand or even sit down! They can’t share any of their clothes with any other Bratz line whatsoever. I admit, some of them had really fun hair (mostly when it comes to color) & really fun clothes, yet what do the clothes even matter if you can’t even display the doll? I had seen a couple in a thrift store & I had bought them only to be severely disappointed. I actually tried to buy a fashion pack meant for the third Bratz body only to find the shoes didn’t snap on to any of the bodies i had. Yet I kept their heads & bought original Bratz bodies for them. Yet this horrible gesture of grotesquely mutilating Bratz did nothing to save the doll, proving that all Mattel wanted to do was murder Bratz & never give them a chance. Not as long as their precious Barbie still existed. When all along, adult collectors still watch, buy, sell & customize the original Bratz.

A couple days ago I had gone to a thrift store with a friend where I found a whole damn pile of twenty plus Monster High dolls. As I expressed before, I didn’t like Monster High & I never have. I have seen many dumped into thrift stores & passed over them without a second thought. But here, I had to look in the pile, holding out hope that I would find an original Bratz doll mixed in.. & as I sifted through these bizarre dolls, I did find myself ensorcelled by some. I enjoyed their fun skin tones & vibrant hair colors, & because they were only a dollar each, I bought seven of my favorites. I took them home & fixed them up & redid some of the hairs I didn’t like. & I had a lot of fun. I still don’t like their strange finger sized chests & their weird scoliosis torsos yet I had a lot of fun posing their bodies.

I inspected their brand online & found a couple other dolls by them that I liked. Nowhere near the number of my fondness & love for the original Bratz. But I did change my mind a good deal about them. I would like to collect some of them & it’s interesting to know that they can pretty much (although awkwardly) wear Bratz clothes & it would seem they are more compatible with the third Bratz body. & in an interesting twist, they can also probably wear My Scene shoes. & it would seem that they were in fact manufactured with some pairs of pants & shirts, although it is weird to me how many dresses they chose to incorporate. I also liked the ability to remove the hands to get long sleeve shirts & jackets on with more ease & the ability to customize dolls with different limbs. They also had fun hairs & unlike the original Bratz, Monster High not only included a lot of fun colors for their hairs, but also different lengths. Their make up wasn’t quite as flashy, but the point is, they still tried & there were fun colors to be experienced along with plenty of fun hair styles. But Monster High can’t actually be considered a fashion doll in the same way Bratz are.

I guess eventually Monster High also lost their popularity & attempted to revive the brand by gearing them more toward a younger audience, which obviously failed.

I see a lot of people online, on various platforms, customizing & presenting original Bratz dolls in a very fanciful & inspiring way. People really go all out with their original Bratz dolls fashion wise, from paying for programs to spending heaps of time editing very intense magazine like photoshoots of their dolls, to people literally sewing & buying one of a kind clothes for their dolls. Buying specialized Bratz wigs to custom re rooting, yet I didn’t see anyone anywhere going this hard with Monster High.

Some of these people have now picked up these new Lol Omg dolls. I think these dolls are adorable! I wouldn’t buy every one that’s come out, but I already love them profusely & far more than I ever admired Monster High. I can’t wait to see what they do next! One opinion I have though as an adult collector who strictly collects out of commission dolls, I can easily find every style of Bratz & Monster High for under fifteen dollars on ebay & for less than five in thrift stores. Yet, because no child has received a Lol Omg doll, grown up & discarded it, it seems like I would have to buy these dolls new :\ & there is one I really like & want that is new but it comes with a set of the stupid original Lol Surprise figurines, which I’m saying I’m an adult collector, I have no use for those stupid things..

In closing I want to say that thus far, I will always love the original Bratz & Mattel took something with amazing promise & shit all over it for everyone. Monster High wasn’t as bad as I thought, but save for the third body Bratz, is one of the lesser doll lines I’ve seen as an adult collector. I am super happy & excited to see what Lol Omg does with their dolls as I am very eager & enthusiastic about collecting them. Yet by far, the best doll out of all the ones I’ve encountered is Bratzillaz. Even though they appeared to be a total failure, most of those dolls are still trending at thirty dollars new in box. They didn’t have the greatest fashions, but when it comes to their bodies & faces, nothing surpasses their heavenly beauty.

#this is just my opinion though

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probably-voldemort · 5 years

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Would you mind telling us a bit about studying linguistics? Like what do you like most/least about it? What do kind of classes do you have? What jobs can you have after? I‘m just totally clueless about what to do after finishing school this year and trying to figure out what i could like... I‘m sorry to bother you, feel free to ignore if you don‘t know how to/ want to answer or take your time answering 🙈

Yeah for sure!

(below the line cause this got kinda long lol)

So at my uni you can get either a diploma in applied linguistics, a bachelor of arts in linguistics, or a bachelor of science in linguistics. The courses you’d take for each different path are different, and I can only really speak for the bachelor of science, since that’s the one I’m doing.

So I needed basic first year science courses (a couple of bio, physics, math, maybe others I’m not 100% sure and I was a science major first year so like I definitely ended up with some sciency courses I don’t actually need for the degree) and then after that it’s basically a lot of linguistics and psychology courses.

From your ask, I’m guessing you’re graduating high school? Sorry if that ends up not being accurate but that’s what I’m going with for this answer.

So if you think you could be interested in linguistics, I would definitely recommend taking a first year linguistics course as an elective before completely setting yourself up on the path. First year is pretty basic stuff and pretty general (you learn about sentence structures and what the phonetic alphabet is and how to use it and all the other basics you’d need to know for future courses). While I personally thought it was super interesting and ended up switching my major to it, there were definitely people in my class who were not into it at all and thought it was dumb. So like basically what I’m saying is make sure you’re actually into the topic before setting yourself up to get a degree in it.

After that, classes on straight up linguistics are either in phonetics, phonology, morphology, or syntax. Phonetics and phonology are speech sounds and how they work like physically and within a language and between languages and all that fun stuff. Morphology is how words work and you learn about like affixes and compounding and that kind of thing. Syntax is like sentence structure and that kind of thing and is the bane of my existence because it’s generally really prescriptive and that’s not my thing.

So you take a bunch of classes like that, and generally they’re pretty cool. You can also take classes in like second language acquisition and child language acquisition and sociolinguistics (how language works pertaining to society) and pretty much any other area you can possibly think of.

Some linguistics degrees also make you take a second language to a certain level. The applied and BA make you do that here but the BSc doesn’t. I don’t know why. I’ve taken a lot of ASL courses, though, and some Italian because like I like languages and think they’re cool. As you can probably tell by the fact that I’m majoring in linguistics.

Also, linguistics is more focused on how languages work than actually learning languages yourself (first question you get asked every single time you say you’re a ling major: how many languages do you speak? like…no). Like you can definitely take a lot of languages if you want to and that’ll just help you with being a linguist generally but like I have profs who only speak English and they’re still highly respected in the field.

And then for my degree there’s also a lot of psych courses. As someone not super into psych, that’s tough, but like it is what it is and there are definitely psych courses I do enjoy and like learning the psychology behind speech and everything is important so like I’ll make it.

My least favourite thing about studying linguistics is the amount of research courses you have to do, at least at my uni. I can 100% say that I do not want to go into research. I have never wanted to go into research. And yet every semester I have at least one course focused on either ling or psych research. It’s rough. But there are definitely a ton of research opportunities in linguistics since it’s still a relatively recent branch of science so like if you’re into research and enjoy linguistics this is definitely somewhere you can do that.

I also really don’t like syntax classes, as I already mentioned. So in ling there’s like prescriptivism and descriptivism (both of which may be spelled wrong cause they’ve got a red underline here and I’m too lazy to look up the proper spelling but whatevs). Prescriptivism is like there is a right way to use language and that is the only way language should be used, while descriptivism is like well no like language is made up and our rules are made up and like as long as I can understand you congrats you’re using language right (obviously this doesn’t apply to a language you don’t know but like within a language). Me (and most linguists, as far as I can tell) are a lot closer to the descriptivist end. Your grandma who gets upset when you don’t say something a certain way would be at the prescriptivist end.

Syntax from what I’ve seen is generally pretty prescriptivist, because it focuses more on writing (I think. I only took like two pretty low level syntax courses because they were required and then was like nope we’re done here so like take all this with a grain of salt) and even though writing is made up there is a general stigma around it and there being a proper way to make your sentences and everything. So yeah. But I mean if that’s your thing don’t let me talk you out of doing syntax.

My favourite area would definitely be sociolinguistics in general. It looks at how languages work with regards to society and like different accents and dialects and basically just from that you can see it’s super descriptivist. Like no dialect or accent is inherently better than another. It’s really cool. I’ve taken classes on like language evolution and variation within communities and it’s honestly just a cool time. Definitely recommend looking into that.

I also really liked my courses on child language acquisition. Kids are just super cool and we got to watch a lot of videos of babies learning to talk and it was a super fun time.

So jobs. I’m gonna link you to this list which I haven’t read through entirely but just looked up for you.

You can go into speech language pathology or audiology. SLPs work with kids who are having trouble learning to speak properly (if you got speech therapy as a kid you saw an SLP). They also work with adults who have had a stroke or a brain injury or some other aspect that’s made it so they need help with their speech. There are definitely other areas, too, but if I get into a masters program I’d want to work with kids so like I don’t really know the other areas. Oh yeah, this is an area I’m thinking of going into.

Audiologists work on the hearing end of things. If you need a hearing aid or a cochlear implant or anything like that, this is where you’d go. I don’t know too much about audiology, but what I’ve heard is pretty cool.

Other areas: teaching your native language as a second language (I’ve got a friend who’s family is from Korea and her plan is to move there after and teach English classes), alternative and augmentative communications (ie working to develop software or non-electronic things for people to use when they can’t use speech), AI developers (if you want your robot to talk, better hire a linguist to help you out), interpreters and translators, you can work in like movies or tv helping coach people on their accents if that’s your thing (personally I think this is super cool but like I have no idea how to get into it), or developing fake languages (like in Lord of the Rings or Arrival. You need to understand how languages work in order for your made up one to be believable), you can work in publishing, and, like I already mentioned, there are a lot of research opportunities if research is your thing.

There’s a lot of types of jobs with a linguistic degree. A lot of them also require a masters, though, so like you might be in for a lot of schooling there.

Personally, I’ve been thinking of applying for the SLP masters programs. Not 100% set on that as a career. I also think working in publishing would be cool (especially as someone who is also a writer lol) and like I said being an accent coach for tv and movies would be super cool but I have zero idea how you’d go about doing that.

Yeah! Definitely hit me up again if you want more info. Hopefully this was helpful, and I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what you want to do!!

#linguistics

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msbeccieboo · 5 years

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Arrow 7x13 brain dump

So this review/brain-dump is probably not going to be very thorough as I am simply too excited for our Olicity baby!! I really enjoyed this week, and haven’t felt this giddy about an episode in forever!!! Positive!Beccie is back with a vengeance! No ranting (probably) from me this week!

The Queen family

I could probably write this review solely under this heading, because this was a truly family-centric episode. We got some real scenes of the three of them this week at last!!

Source: lucyyh

Continued under the cut

The pancake scene was just brilliant; Oliver starting off out of his element, then Felicity playing bad cop to get Oliver to start the conversation, then Oliver just acing his chat with William, like he’s been Dadding forever! I loved Oliver calling William “young man”; when I used to get “young lady”-d by my Mum I knew I was in the shit 😂 William was brilliant in these scenes too-he had some valid points, and spoke them up well, but in that wonderful moody/angry teenager way obvs, of course resulting in a storm-out, followed by a “we’re not done here”! I realise as I’m writing this that we never really got to the bottom of why William got expelled; he said it was a fight, but no more information than that, I’m guessing that’s all we’re going to get? Anyway, I really enjoyed the Oliver-William scenes, and we got that adorable scene between Will and Felicity with the Rubik’s cube, that we saw mentioned in the flash forwards earlier in the season.

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Oliver and Felicity deciding to let William go and live with his grandparents was heart-breaking 😭😭 I adored Oliver sticking up for Felicity and fighting for his family...there’s our boy!!

Source: olicitygifs

I’m so pleased that Oliver asked Felicity for her opinion, and actually made that decision with her. This is a true marriage, a family. A family that is now torn apart again and I don’t like it, but I think it was the right decision for the time being. I also don’t think this is the last we will see of William, despite how the FFs may make it seem right now. He most certainly wasn’t abandoned here; it was his choice to leave.

But when one child leaves…we get another one 😂😂😂 THE OLICITY BABY IS HERE!!!!

Ok, so this wasn’t exactly the jaw-dropping moment it was teased to be (was it teased to be? I don’t even know; we work ourselves into such fabulous frenzies over these things that I can’t remember what we were supposed to be expecting haha!). Anyway. We been knew. But for every worried anon, Loliver stan, morally questionable writer (looking at you MG) or otherwise delusional troll/comic f*boy that may have put an element of doubt into our heads….HA!! Of course Mia was going to be Olicity’s daughter, it was the only logical explanation. The hints were still coming thick and fast throughout the episode; there was even one beautiful transition scene where Felicity morphed into Mia before our very eyes! And we now have a pregnant Felicity! I’m not big into baby/pregnancy storylines so I don’t have a boatload of things I’m desperate to see. I just need to see Felicity tell Oliver, and have a few cutesy overprotective/scared prospective parent moments and I’ll be happy! I’m still more interested in Felicity as a character and her personal storyline, and I’m hoping that that isn’t lost. For me it’s the solidification of their family in the present, and the legacy that they leave for us to see in the future that I’m excited for (SO EXCITED!!!).

Stan

Source: plotbunnyshipper

Why hasn’t he been a proper Big Bad?! As many have already said, he’s been a more frightening, involved, relevant and empathetic villain in the 2-3 episodes we’ve known him as a villain for, than LizardBoy has been in 1.5 seasons!!! It’s almost a shame that they used him on such a family-focused episode, because I think he could have carried a full-on villain-centric episode by himself. He was a scary combination of vulnerable, creepy and violent and he left us (or me at least) wanting more!! I hope we see him again, but I don’t think we will. I loved his drugging of the Queen family (ok that drugging was a bit ridiculous, but this is still Arrow), and his truth bombs about the rest of the ‘team’; the man made some serious sense!! And I loved seeing the three of them work as a team to take him down!

Flash forwards

Mia frikkin Smoak guys!!!!

Source: feilcityqueen

Baby Olicity is a savage lol!! A gloriously imperfect mix of island rage Oliver and angry Felicity. This girl is damaged and has been through some serious shit for sure, which I hate for her, but makes her so interesting to watch. I loved her punching out William and Zoe (for no real reason ha!) and taking on Dinah and Roy (with Connor’s help). She’s fearless, no nonsense and will do whatever it takes to achieve her goal, which is to use the Archer program to find Felicity, her mama 😍😍 We got to see Parkour!Roy, still never fails to make me smile (and he’s SO HOT), and saw Dinah recognise Connor as Dig’s son, calling him Connor, not JJ. So Roy and Dinah didn’t know JJ, Mia or William (not really), and Dig, Oliver and Felicity are all still unaccounted for. Looks like OTA and fam went scram, be that into hiding or just out of Star City, and a long while back too.

The future story arc is really quite well done in S7; the writers have had us puzzling within fandom so much over Mia’s parentage, when the real mystery is what the f is going on in these flash forwards! I have zero clue what is going on, and I like that I don’t know! It’s still frustrating, because we are so used to an overload of spoilers and the somewhat predictable writing, so it’s refreshing to be sooo in the dark still at this stage. We also have to think that as well as the ‘present’ future situation, there are also 20 years of unknowns to be filled in, and it’s exciting! It’s also grim as hell, and by the sound of it we won’t get a ‘happy’ resolution by the end of the season, but I’m hoping there is a teeny bit of sunshine in amongst all the grey clouds! I’m also (maybe?) in the minority whereby if this hopeless future is a result of Oliver having died in our current time (i.e. in the crossover), I don’t want his inevitable resurrection to ‘reset’ this future timeline, or else what would have been the point at all of this storyline for the past season? I dunno…I’m ultimately so confused by it all, but for now I’m ok with that 😊

NTA + Dig

It hurts my heart that Dig is in this category, for now at least. They were fine, not too annoying I think as they took up an acceptably small amount of screen time. I would have liked to see a bit more Dig, but it wouldn’t have fit in this episode. I thought the murder-house stuff was cool, suitably suspenseful and funny in parts. It’s a shame they put Dinah’s attack in the trailer, as that would have been an awesome shock moment otherwise. So is that her Canary Cry gone now? That seems lazy to me…this is a metahuman superpower, and one swift non-fatal slit to the throat puts an end to it? I call bullshit.

Curtis Holt has left the building!! He couldn’t leave without reminding us why we grew to dislike him; signing over Helix to Felicity (Smoak Tech RISE!) so self-satisfactorily, as if he’d done a damn thing towards it in the last year (and what he did previously for Helix he used to intentionally track and cause bodily harm to the recipient…still mad). Bye bitch! I’m glad they got rid without resorting to offing a black gay character though….WELL DONE WRITERS!!! Under another showrunner (*cough* MG) this would have gone differently I’m positive. Also, the fact that Curtis’ exit is so unnoteworthy and TOTALLY overshadowed by MIA FRAKKING SMOAK is just beautiful!!

Ok so this got long again, quelle surprise! Sorry! And we have to wait 3 weeks till the next episode 😣😣

Thank you to the wonderful gif-brigade! Our saviours 💗

#arrow #arrow 7x13 #olicity #arrow season 7 #beccie's brain

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squidproquoclarice · 5 years

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what are your thoughts on arthur and dutch’s relationship... and why arthur went back to tell dutch about micah, even after dutch had abandoned him and manipulated him to no end? if you can’t tell i find the last part especially upsetting lol, since it was pretty much the final nail in arthur’s coffin.

Hoooboah. Another thorny topic here!

It’s a complicated relationship on both parts. There’s mingled affection and affirmation and abuse (which is…not uncommon in abusive relationships). For Dutch’s part, I believe he’s a narcissist. He’s certainly capable of pride and affection, but I’m not sure he’s capable of love, in the sense of self-sacrifice and putting others’ happiness and security above his own. Dutch is charismatic AF, talks a good game, and he has some good points. Victorian society was unquestionably sick and all about the haves and have-nots. But he doesn’t combat social ills directly. He goes out and robs a bank, and at this point, he does nothing with the proceeds to help better anyone’s life. He’s anti for the sake of being against a demonized them, not anti due to determination to help actual victims of a fucked up system.

He’s a man who likes to present himself as intelligent and well read, but reads selectively only the things that support his philosophies. He’s a man who likes pretty young women who worship him, and when they get older and/or wiser, he trades them in for a newer model. He’s a man who picks up orphans and the lost and disaffected, gives them a family, and that’s both admirable and sinister given that he’s effectively targeting the most vulnerable, and expecting their unquestioningly personal loyal as their savior, rather than simply doing it out of kindness. It becomes predatory, not charitable.This is all standard cult leader playbook material. Dutch is the godhead of an anarchosocialist cult that increasingly turns into a violent death cult, as these cults tend to do when the pressure becomes relentless.Arthur is a child who grew up with a mother who died young, and an abusive and criminal father. So violence and crime are all he’s known. He lived on the streets for several years, probably having to become increasingly hard and rough to survive, and then Dutch and Hosea took him in. Fed him. Sheltered him. Taught him to read. He knows the way he was going, he’d have become nothing more than a mean half-feral bastard until he finally got shot or hanged. So of course he’s grateful. Of course he wants to do nothing more than please this man who thought his life was worth something, when everyone in the city he was in (San Francisco for me) made it clear he was worthless to them. He became the strong right arm, the enforcer. I think it’s interesting to note that it’s clear that’s all Dutch wants him to be, berating him to be a “man of action”, getting pissed off when Arthur questions him, and accomplishing the neat trick of making him feel special by drawing him into his confidence on some things, while still rarely involving him in the planning in a meaningful way. Constantly demanding he affirm his absolute loyalty. Dutch wants an unquestioning brute on command. Arthur obliges, because that’s what Dutch needs him to be, and doesn’t he owe Dutch everything?Hosea, in contrast, wants him to be more. He may sometimes tease Arthur as big and dumb, but it’s in that friendly paternal way. When he’s serious, he’s calling his “angry moron” act out for what it is, urging Arthur to think for himself, and never condescending to his intelligence. He knows the man is bright, but too trusting and too loyal, and he’s urging him to open his eyes. And it’s a damn shame Arthur has so little experience of healthy relationships to see that Hosea genuinely loved him, but it was instead Dutch’s approval he felt he had to win. Dutch, who had affection for him as a proud reflection of himself as a leader and mentor, as a useful tool, but never truly as a person with his own thoughts and feelings and ideas.So you have an abused and angry child, grown up into a deeply anxious man who bases his whole sense of self-worth on what use he can be to his savior. His lack of self-esteem is in big part because he’s never learned that love is about acceptance, not a prize that’s offered and withdrawn constantly. So he’s constantly having to worry “Am I good enough for Dutch?” You have a skilled narcissist using alternating offering criticism and the deep fear of rejection and abandonment, and love in the form of praise, singling him out, and validation, to keep Arthur on the hook. Bringing in rivals, like John, to keep him insecure. Gaslighting him by making him feel like his doubts or questions are a personal attack. Keeping him striving to be the best man of the bunch and to prove himself, over and over and over again, because Dutch’s “love” never just is. It’s so very conditional, and he makes damn sure Arthur knows it. It’s a hugely effectively control tactic.As to why he went back, twenty-two years of cult programming is not easy to shake. I imagine he hoped he could get through to Dutch somehow, that knowing the truth of Micah’s betrayal, Dutch would of course do the right thing. Because Dutch won’t stand for betrayal, right? If he can count on one thing, it’s that loyalty matters most to him. Not to mention our boah is too trusting, cynical as he likes to pretend he is, and I think there was some part of him wanting desperately to believe that Dutch isn’t as bad as he’s now fearing. He’s just misguided by Micah, but not truly lost. Alongside that, this is a man who still places zero value on his own life. He’s got an illness with poor odds for long-term survival, unless he literally can go on nearly round-the-clock bed rest for several months to give the TB lung lesions a chance to heal, and take likely well over a year to get back to as close to normal as a man with some lung scarring will get. He can’t do that without someone to care for him, and who the hell is going to do that for him? He can’t run and hide easily given the price on his head anyway. And what will he do, even if he lives? Fighting and robbing and shooting is about all he’s ever known. He’s probably terrified at the idea of his likely future, sick and alone and without anything that makes sense. Better to go do something right, and die in doing it. Confront Dutch and make him see reason, or if he can’t, just damn well kill Micah. I absolutely believe he intended that as a suicide mission however it turned out, because he thinks it’s better this way.

#dutch van der linde #arthur morgan #hosea matthews #rdr2 #Anonymous

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oursensoryworld · 5 years

Text

The Introduction

Hello Tumblr

My name is Jessica

I am 32 also a single mum with a beautiful 4 year old son. Ok so just a warning my grammar is horrible so please be kind. lol I always wanted to write a blog but never had the confidence to do so. Except for today.. When I thought to myself stuff it!! Maybe someone wants to listen to me talk crap, or is going through simular things. Needless to say I need an outlet. OK!

For the point of this introduction, I will start with when my son was 9 months old, and what happened after that.

We all lived in a beautiful little beach town. It was truly paradise! I would ride my bike to work some days, and think to myself how did I get so lucky.

Now you are probably thinking why would you leave then?

I moved back to my parents house after getting home from work one night, and my sons father was drunk again. When I got home He was hostile and dangerous. I tried to kick him out to sober up, but he told me that it was his house and I had not right.

I couldn't take one more second. Called my dad to get my car and I was on the first flight out with my son.

At first It was a welcome move. I was so happy to have the support that I needed. I had been working 40 hours per week plus the house and baby care. My son would wake at least 7 times per night.

Oh dear lord it was horrible. Did I mention the constant crying unless he was being held!

sounds like most babies right? that's what I thought, just normal motherhood not to worry. Just suck it up I would tell myself.

Through the heartbreak of leaving my sons father, I slowly picked up the pieces of my heart, and tried to glue it back together. Many nights of wine, and crying were had by me. its kind of funny now when I look back on it.

At the time though WOW!! What a mess I was.

Little did I know the other struggles, that I would soon be faced with, would test me much more than a little break up ever could.

Still took me 3 years to move on from loving my sons dad though.

So here I am ready to begin again. I found a lovely family day care for my son to attend while I went out to look for work. Everything seemed fine for awhile, just normal motherhood dramas.

My son was 22months when I got the first phone call, that he has been hitting his head against the wall and the floor. Just banging it!

I was told by his day care teacher that she was worried, as she had never seen a child do this before in all her years of caring for children. So my first reaction was have I done something wrong?

Could it be a reaction to my stress causing my son to react this way? All the blaming myself thoughts came flooding in. I had no idea why he was doing this.

Not to mention, that for some time he wasn't making eye contact, or responding to his name being called.

This wasn't my biggest concern at the time, as he was only little. In my mind, I thought he is just a late bloomer.

As my first and only child, I didn't have any thing to compare it to.

I thought he will just grow out of it, or it would just go away.

I took him to Many Drs for their opinions. Most said the same thing. “could be an ear infection, or sinus problem so don't worry too much”

His day care teacher, and my mother sat me down and said “we think he has Autism” My first response “What he is only 22 months old! how can you know that he has autism when he is so young. I didn't believe them, or want to. So I ignored it and continued on.

My son celebrated his first birthday, it was a happy day. it was 40 degrees that day, but we were prepared. There were 3 kids pools, and plenty of shaded areas.

This is when I noticed little difference's in my sons behaviour and other children, of same age, or even younger. For instance the eye contact. The way they would look engaged with their parent. The way they played with other children, and not alone.

Its really had to describe, and probably a poor choice of word but, a maturity difference is the way I would describe it.

As he grew, he became very violent towards me, and other children. Always biting, hitting and throwing toys across the room was a daily occurrence. It became difficult for him to stay in family day care, for the safety of the other children.

It was insane, I tried to talk to him, I took advice from what felt like a million people. Drs, parents, helplines, support groups you name it, I tried it.

I would say to my friends, How could a child that gets so much love be so aggressive? I was googling one day as you do, and I came across a well known clinic that specialises in children with Autism.

I took him to the Dr again! This time feeling confused and hopeless. =( At home I would cop at least 50 punches, and several bites all over my body everyday. So it was go time!!

I got the referral, and we went to the Clinic.My son walked in and was on his best behaviour of course. lol

She sat and played some games with him, the whole process went for about an hour. She then sat down and talked to me.

The first thing she said, still to this day sticks in my mind. She said “when I first met your son, he seemed to be fine for his age. As the games went on, I noticed lots of things that are very concerning”

She then explained to me what her findings were. Have you ever noticed that when you are playing a game with him, when he runs into a bit of trouble, he will pull your hand to grab what he needs. Without words and no eye contact.

I replied sure. All the time.

She then told me many more things, that I will go into detail in other writings. I was speechless..

Now I love my son the way he is, and have nothing against Autism. At the time though I was uneducated, and when the words fell from her lips,

“ I believe your son has a significant Autism”

My jaw hit the floor. I asked her what does that mean for him? then said, I thought that was normal. I thought a lot of the things he did were perfectly normal.

I use the word “normal” as just a word, not an indication that I think my son or any person on the spectrum isn't normal. Just thought I would put that out there, in case your reading this thinking (bitch please! who are you calling not normal) lol

The feeling of not knowing what to do when you have just received that in her clinical opinion, and feeling so alone.

I got to the car and just cried. The main thought that ran through my head, was just worries for my darling son. Worrying will life be hard for him. What do I even do with this information. Who do I call for help? should I call for help? I racked my brain trying to figure out the answer.

I just felt like I was sort of going in circles.

One of the major turning points for me was.

I was at the Drs one day, and my son had a massive meltdown. He bit my shoulder so hard he drew blood. The pain was so intense, it startled me so much that I dropped him. I still feel so bad about that!

I don't know what came over me. I started whaling and crying so much, in front of everyone. I curled myself up in the foetal position right in the middle of the surgery floor. As my son just walked around the surgery like nothing had happened.

Now when I think of that tragically embarrassing moment, I just laugh.

The receptionist came over to me, she was this little old lady. She wrapped her arms around me.

She gave me the biggest hug, and said “its ok darling, your doing a wonderful job”

That day I got the referral to my local hospital, to see the top childhood Dr

I was very relieved. I would get some answers! For a second opinion, and this lady is apparently the top Dr

We arrived at our local hospital. Now as you may have guessed, or have experience with.

My son is not one for public places and sitting still, he can usually sit still for a total of zero seconds. So when making an appointment its helpful if the Dr is running on time.

This was not the case! she was running 2 hours late!!

I kept asking when is it our turn? I chased my son around the hospital at least 6 times. We got asked to wait in an outside locked space because he was screaming so loudly. it was a nightmare!! My anxiety was through the Roof..

The looks I got from other patients, Its like I could hear their thoughts as the glared at me with their judging eyes and cats bum faces.

All I could hear was, cant control your child, or what a little shit or such bad mother!

You name it! I heard it.. Without anyone of them saying a word. You know the expression a look can say a thousand words, or something like that.

We finally!!!!! got called in, at this point he was over tired and so was I.

The Dr was an older woman with short blond hair. She spoke with an almost regal tone to he voice.

I thought this woman will have the answer for sure. She asked me a series of questions, and examined my son. I was truthfully scared to answer some of the questions, in fear of more judgment.

In hindsight as a mother, we tend to blame ourselves for the silliest things.

I have later learnt its called mothers guilt. Its a bastard of a thing. Anyway getting back to the Dr visit.

Sorry about that little tangent, I do that.

She said to me have you ever heard of a disorder called ODD? I replied No.. What is ODD? She said it is an acronym for something called Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

WHATTTT!!!!!! Now I was angry! I said to her, I came here for help! Not for you to give my son a made up diagnoses.

I then asked her, so how do I fix this ODD? She said there is no cure. What do you mean there is no cure?

She suggested to a program called the PPP Parenting course. That will give you coping strategies, you can learn as a parent, thus in turn help you to control your boys ODD. um NO!

If it was that easy why the hell do you think I'm here!!

Do Drs like you get off on this just giving a child that doesn't quite fit a made up label? Or telling parents that they need to do a parenting program! in order to fix a Neurological disorder. WTF... lol

I practically ran out the door, I couldn't believe the absolute BS I had just been fed. I was driving home shaking my head thinking the nerve of this woman.

I will say this again, its so funny looking back on all of this, its the kind of funny that you laugh and then cringe.

I got home, got my son out of the car, as he is pulling my hair out of my head. =(

So far I have your son has sever autism, and some made up Disorder. well at the time I thought that (speaking in past tense)

So what did I do? I will tell you.

I did what any normal parent does, ask Dr Google =)

Slowly typing in the search bar (What is ODD?) As my finger presses down on the enter button, I am then bombarded with Youtube vids and pages and pages of ODD info.

At this moment I'm like WOW, ODD is really a thing. I feel dumb now. Awkward for me, But holy shit this doesn't look fun. No offence but ODD sucks! I mean that with much love to parents out there. Its in short , everything you say your child fights you. They are violent and just exactly what its called.

I could keep talking and writing for days, but I will wrap it up now with a to be continued!

If you read this and this and this is where you are at in this moment.

I want you to know you are not alone. I wont lie, the road is a long and tough one. if no one has told you your doing a good job. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. XX Part 2 will come shortly, let me know what you think? be kind lol

Take care. From J

#autism #sensorydisorders #ODD #singlemums #parentswithkidsonthespecturm #lifescurveballs #mystory #sensorykids

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themarginalartist · 6 years

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I'm curious, why did you choose coding as a career? Did you like it from the start, or did it grew on you over time? I just heard it's really frustrating, but I imagine you like it, right? What do you like about coding? Sorry if it's too many questions it's just an area way out of my league XD

It pays good money lol.

I’m actually looking to lean more towards Project Management, which still pays really well, but requires less coding from me and puts my leadership training that I’ve done to good use lol. I’ll be graduating next May with a BA in Computer Science and a minor in Management of Information Systems.

I didn’t have coding in mind until literally my senior year of high school, I took AP computer science, with zero coding knowledge under my belt at the time lol. My dad’s actual a Computer Science major as well and works in the industry, so he’s helped me during that AP class and on other things as well. Obviously I have to do the work myself or I don’t learn and he’s good at asking the right questions to get me down the right thinking path lol.

I do enjoy coding, but I hate doing the school version of it. Many assignments, which do have reasons for being the way they are and are important, absolutely suck to do. My favorites (which also can be the most frustrating) are when we do games like Breakout or Battleship. Most assignments early on are fine, usually small, teaching you basics and stuff. But later on you find yourself literally writing an Excel like program (which I never got mine fully working heh…) and writing the filesystem commands to function as if you were using it normally on a Linux computer but you’re running a C program. (And that program can actually legit delete things and stuff? So like it is 100% important to know how to not delete things you want to keep, including the actual computer).

I’ve also been granted a lot of opportunities because of choosing coding. I went to the Grace Hopper Celebration for Women in Technology in 2016, all paid for by the school. It’s a huge conference which has about 15,000 attendees each year, hundreds of companies which you can talk to representatives about the company and do interviews, and tons of free junk lol (I have a pic of my collection lol). I’ve also attended my school’s Hackathon each year except this past one (something else was going on that weekend and I couldn’t) which I’ve won prizes at twice. My first year I was a finalist for the main coding competition (I think the guy I was working with and I placed 5th?) and the second I won a category which was implementing Amazon Web Services or tools in some way which I was using Amazon Lumberyard, which is a game development engine (Which was very hard to use btw, I think it’s gotten a bit better with more learning tools but Unity is way better with tutorials and learning materials).

It’s 100% frustrating, but google and my whiteboard are my besties, and talking with others about things helps a lot. It’s a very logical and methodical field but it also takes creativity to come up with the solution. And for all my complaining and whining about it I do still enjoy plenty of different aspects (though I’m never touching autopilot shit again after my senior project is over and not even gonna think about AI because that shit requires soooo much high level crazy math, I mean not that other things don’t require crazy math, but there’s easier crazy math and then there’s that).

My favorite classes have been about algorithm analysis. I have a professor I’ve taken three classes with (who sadly I can’t take any more because the next one is a grad student class and I don’t need that stress lol). I actually enjoy a lot of the theory, even if I’m uh… not knowledgeable about the math in some spots.

I’d love to end up in the game industry, more along the story telling side, but I’m gonna be taking a less direct route, I’ll either be an entry level coder or entry level project manager. It’s much easier to get into what you really want after you’ve gotten actually in.

And no worries! I’m always happy to answer things about coding, no matter how aggravating my own path has been, I fully believe in supporting anyone who wants to give it a shot. It’s an incredibly important field and becoming more and more important for people to know things about. It’s rocks being electrified and told this series of 0’s and 1’s means this lol. And I’d equate it to learning musical instruments, it’s another language you’re learning to read and write (well languages, but most languages follow some basic things and stuff so they can do most of the same things it’s just they have areas they specialize in).

#answers #thoughts in the margins

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verdigrisprowl · 6 years

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May 5 Bevel’s Movie Night - Tin Man ep1 & Steven Universe ep10-12

Bevel is back!

Prowl and Soundwave left immediately after the Tin Man episode, because they’re tired. Which is just as well, because Tin Man had a lot of nonconsensual mnemosurgery-analogous junk, and that was a bit much for Prowl, so it’s a good thing he didn’t stick around to see the Giant Woman episode and ensuing discussion of combiners.

Me 7:55 pm ((im appreciating the drunk history)) Bevel 7:56 pm ((sadly the full episodes aren't on youtube but the hints of hilarity are fun too Me 7:56 pm ((indeed)) Me 8:07 pm ((he's on the frigging floor omg)) Bevel 8:07 pm ((he's showing us where Teddy Roosevelt is Me 8:08 pm ((a very dedicated historian)) Me 8:10 pm ((the lip syncing is always so good in these)) Tarantulas 8:10 pm (( i've never seen these before omg Bevel 8:10 pm ((lol drunk history is hilarious *This is how Bevel learns history from Ratchet, she loves this* Bevel 8:13 pm ((ok, starting in a few minutes if everyone's ready? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:14 pm ((yep)) Me 8:17 pm ((episode 3?)) Ratchet 8:17 pm [[ this music sounds really familiar ]] Bevel 8:17 pm ((lemme fix that ItsyBitsySpyers 8:17 pm *Soundwave trudges in and drops into his seat with no flourishes whatsoever.*

[[...You're back.]] Ratchet 8:18 pm *Ratchet pops in, as he does* Bevel 8:18 pm For a little bit. *grins* I know where the Star Saber is. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:18 pm *Sits up as much as he has the energy to do.*

[[Do you, now.]] Bevel 8:19 pm Hi, Ratchet! Ratchet 8:19 pm Heya. What're we watching? Bevel 8:19 pm Tin Man. It is about some world called Oz. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:20 pm [[...This does not look like the Emerald City.]] Ratchet 8:20 pm Well, she's got the dress. Bevel 8:21 pm And it is on a moon in one of the systems near the Denorios belt. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:21 pm *Glances at Ratchet.* [[Ah. You know it.]]

[[...Oz?]] Ratchet 8:21 pm Of course I do. Me 8:23 pm *appears late.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:23 pm *Slithers a feeler out to wave.* Ratchet 8:24 pm *waves* Me 8:24 pm *looks around; nods vaguely at both of them.* Tarantulas 8:25 pm *hullo hullo, tis a spide* Bevel 8:25 pm Yeah, Oz. I could not find it on the maps of Earth I have so it must be somewhere else. Me 8:26 pm *it takes longer than usual for Prowl to decide where to sit; but finally, he drifts to Ratchet's couch and sits next to him.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:27 pm [[...He does not recall Oz existing on a moon.]] Bevel 8:29 pm ...Oh! Oh no, the Star Saber is not in Oz. It is just a moon. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:30 pm *...He must be more tired than even he knew. He can't follow what she's saying at all.* Ratchet 8:31 pm *nods to Prowl* Me 8:31 pm *neither can prowl; but to be fair, he missed the first half of the conversation.* *nods to Ratchet.* Hello. Bevel 8:31 pm Hi, Prowl. Me 8:32 pm Hi. *leans his elbows on his knees. he's tired.* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:32 pm *Soundwave nods to the spide and sinks lower into his seat. Hrm. Comfier.* Bevel 8:32 pm Oz is what the documentary is about. The Star Saber is on a moon near Cardassia. Tarantulas 8:33 pm *oh nooooo. where to sit. decides to accompany soundwave on the slouchy couch* Bevel 8:33 pm *frowns worriedly* Are you ok, Prowl? Me 8:33 pm What? ItsyBitsySpyers 8:34 pm *If he wasn't wearing his visor, he'd be blinking.*

[[...They killed their spawn. Hm.]]

*Stretches a feeler lazily across Tarantulas' lap. He was gonna coil, but, nah. Too much work to maintain.* Tarantulas 8:34 pm *lazily pets the feeler, hello there* Bevel 8:35 pm Are you ok? Me 8:36 pm *he heard the question. he didn't understand it.* ......... Fine. *?????* ((i feel like there probably could have been a better name for winged monkeys than "mobats." it just doesn't quite roll off the tongue.)) Bevel 8:37 pm ((it really doesn't Tarantulas 8:37 pm (( bonkeys Me 8:37 pm ((I LIKE BONKEYS BETTER)) Tarantulas 8:37 pm (( ur welc Bevel 8:37 pm ((bonkeys omg Me 8:37 pm ((or winkeys.)) ItsyBitsySpyers 8:37 pm ((i see shang tsung has a sister)) Me 8:38 pm ((why are you smiling. why are you pleased to be promoted. she just dementored a man's soul in front of you. you're now in the line of fire.)) Me 8:39 pm ... If she swings, she can jump out of the bottom and onto that bridge. Me 8:41 pm *they LITERALLY REMOVED his BRAIN?* *oh prowl's just. he's having. so much bad luck at bevel's streams lately.* Bevel 8:42 pm *Bevel would be sorry if she knew* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:42 pm *Concern ping.* Me 8:42 pm *he laces his fingers together so he can't grab at his neck.* Ah. Like I said. ItsyBitsySpyers 8:42 pm [[.........Why build holes into...]] *Never mind. He's barely following it as it is.* Me 8:43 pm She keeps shouting. She's terrible at stealth. Tarantulas 8:43 pm She still thinks it's a dream, why should she care? *shakes helm* Me 8:44 pm *oh great. a high-ranked government official, too.* Bevel 8:46 pm That is too many words. Tarantulas 8:47 pm Oh... dear. Tarantulas 8:48 pm *so sorta like the opposite of the positive reinforcement prison hmm* ItsyBitsySpyers 8:49 pm [[How is he alive.]] [[Organics cannot survive long without fuel or liquids.]] Bevel 8:49 pm Maybe it fed him somehow? Tarantulas 8:50 pm Magic. Shhhh. *patpat* Bevel 8:51 pm He is a cop. Fancy badge. Me 8:52 pm In case he didn't notice, first sign of trouble, she charged at the culprits armed with a stick. "Cut and run" indeed. Bevel 8:53 pm He should give her a sword. Me 8:53 pm ((what's the point of an edgy wizard of oz reboot named tin man if the tin man isn't MADE of tin. we could've had a robot. cmon.)) Bevel 8:54 pm ((It's because the badges they wear are made of tin but i can't disagree because robocop would have been great Me 8:56 pm ((absolutely. wizard of oz robocop.)) ItsyBitsySpyers 9:01 pm *...Is that a thing someone could do to him.* Me 9:04 pm ... Why are they merely tracking this pack of obvious troublemakers, at least two of whom are known criminals, rather than—I don't know—sending out people to stop them. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:04 pm [[Budget cuts?]] Bevel 9:05 pm *giggles* Me 9:06 pm ((see? we could've had a robot tinman)) ((a weird... steampunk fallout robot tinman)) Me 9:09 pm ... "We were programmed to be your parents" means "We were your parents." Why do organics have so much problem with the concept that "something's programmed to be" means the same thing as "something IS"? Bevel 9:09 pm Humans are really caught up on the whole organic thing. Me 9:10 pm Hm. They are. At least the mecha are portrayed positively in this. ... This must have been made before the invasion. Bevel 9:11 pm She took being burned really well. Me 9:11 pm ((i like how he just casually brands one of the most sensitive parts of her body and she just stands there and takes it.)) Tarantulas 9:11 pm *heavy squinting at like 99% of this* Bevel 9:11 pm ((magic branding idek? Me 9:12 pm Oh. She got over her crisis quickly. That's pretty good for an organic. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:12 pm *Soundwave thinks this must be a timeline branch or something. It looks nothing like the Oz he saw both times Dorothy went.* Me 9:14 pm *djddjdjjj do they have to keep talking about the zipper* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:14 pm ((it was so tempting just now to have him go WHO THOUGHT ABOUT THE DJD TWICE in asterisks)) Tarantulas 9:15 pm (( omfg Bevel 9:15 pm ((lol Me 9:15 pm ((IT WAS AN UNFORTUNATE MENTAL ONOMATOPOEIA)) ((it's the sound of a shudder)) Me 9:17 pm *at this point has very little respect for this mockery of a law enforcement agent.* Bevel 9:18 pm *has decided she likes Raw and DG best, they're the nicest* Me 9:19 pm Why does he keep throwing him around?! He's COOPERATING. That's COMPLETELY unnecessary and unjustifiable. *and mnemosurgery interrogation now. god.* Bevel 9:27 pm *frowns sadly at this poor guy* Me 9:29 pm Considering his behavior, I don't think his word "as a tin man" is worth much at this point. Bevel 9:29 pm Maybe he was a nicer person before getting locked up? Me 9:30 pm Which is why I say it's not worth much /at this point./ Maybe he was. He isn't now. Bevel 9:31 pm Maybe he can be again if he is willing to swear to protect DG instead of going after that Zero guy? Me 9:31 pm Hmph. Until he HAS protected her, his word to do so isn't worth much. Ratchet 9:35 pm [[ i hate her outfit ]] Bevel 9:35 pm ((it's so ridiculous Tarantulas 9:37 pm (( i wanna start singing let it go Me 9:38 pm ((omg)) Bevel 9:40 pm That is a really neat power. Me 9:43 pm ... Maybe she should have gotten her somewhere safe BEFORE whispering secrets to her. Bevel 9:48 pm *mimics Swoop* Him dead. ItsyBitsySpyers 9:48 pm *Huff.* *Stretch.* [[He is pleased to see you back... but will be more when you have the sword.]] [[For now, he is...]] *No, no. Don't be truthful.* [[He has things to do.]] Bevel 9:51 pm Aw ok. Tarantulas 9:51 pm *gives sw a mental goodbye before they lose touch* ItsyBitsySpyers 9:52 pm *Bobs his helm and gets to his feet with the tiniest wobble. Takes a moment to rebalance himself, nods to everyone present - Tarantulas gets a mental goodbye as well, and Prowl an affection ping - and shuffles out.* Bevel 9:52 pm *she saw that and now she's worried* Me 9:52 pm *returns the affection ping.* *he COULD switch who he's projecting his avatar through; but he thinks that he prefers to "have things to do," too.* *he disappears. he forgot to say goodbye to anyone.* Bevel 9:54 pm *welp* Tarantulas 9:54 pm *nooo prowllllll* *slumps low on the lonely slouchy couch* Bevel 9:56 pm Are Prowl and Soundwave ok? They left really early. 😔 Me 9:57 pm ((I don't know what's a funnier line, "STEVEN'S PREGNANT?!" or "I don't think so.")) Bevel 9:58 pm ((both? Tarantulas 9:58 pm I - don't know. Bevel 9:58 pm (("bet you're not even pregnant" I forgot about that part omg Bevel 10:00 pm Oh. Tarantulas 10:02 pm *folds his arms over his chestplates as he watches* I get the impression you're not alone in having a mission of sorts lately, though. Me 10:06 pm ((how did they get away with calling it meat beat mania)) Bevel 10:07 pm *looks at him for a long moment...* So secret stuff? Tarantulas 10:07 pm You could say that, yes. Bevel 10:12 pm Ugh. *flops back with a loud CLANG of metal* Well I am gonna do not secret stuff. Like steal my sword back. I hope Soundwave and Prowl are ok soon. Tarantulas 10:13 pm /Steal/ your sword? I thought it was yours. Bevel 10:13 pm Yeah but someone else is saying /he/ found it. Bevel 10:15 pm He can not even use it. Bet it is just stuck it a rock again like it was on Earth. Tarantulas 10:16 pm Who's "he"? Bevel 10:16 pm The bot saying he found it. I do not know his name. *more like she doesn't remember it* Bevel 10:18 pm Fusions sound like combiners. Tarantulas 10:18 pm I suppose it doesn't matter, since he'll be out of your circuits shortly anyhow. Bevel 10:18 pm Exactly. Tarantulas 10:19 pm And hyeh, I can see what you mean - although two-bot combiners are hardly commonplace in my universe at least. Bevel 10:20 pm How many bots in a combiner in your universe? Tarantulas 10:21 pm It's variable, but on average? Five. Bevel 10:22 pm *ticks them off on her fingers* So... head. Torso. Arms and legs? Tarantulas 10:22 pm Roughly, hyeh. Often the head and torso are one. Bevel 10:23 pm ...so what is the fifth bot if the head and torso are one person? *rolls over onto her stomach to look at Tarantulus* Are they the crotch? Tarantulas 10:24 pm Two arms, two legs, one main body. *squints* ...I think /you/ might be the tired one here. Bevel 10:26 pm No wait... *counts again. One, two, three, oh yeah, I counted wrong. Bevel 10:28 pm What is the most bots in a combiner you have ever seen? Tarantulas 10:31 pm That I've ever SEEN? I've only ever seen one with six members - but I've heard whispers of one comprised of twelve mecha before. (( "i have a full vagina" omg Bevel 10:31 pm ((lol Bevel 10:34 pm Whoa, twelve. That would be... two arms, two legs, head, chest, crotch, um, two feet and hands and uhhhhhh Tarantulas 10:35 pm *snickers* The combiner in question didn't possess an anthropomorphic frame. Bevel 10:36 pm ...so a big mess of bodies smashed together? Tarantulas 10:39 pm Nono, well - I suppose one could say that of /any/ combiner, but what I mean to say is that I don't know this one's particular mode, but it wasn't a discombobulated mess like you're implying. *rubbing a little at his face and stretching, slipping even further down and almost off the couch* Bevel 10:46 pm *waits a second to see if he will, when he doesn't she keeps talking* Katamari combiner. Tarantulas 10:47 pm Pfft. I'm sure it's happened somewhere sometime. Bevel 10:48 pm ((I will never not find Alexander Hamilton's extra ass fucking response to being accused of embezzlement hilarious Tarantulas 10:53 pm (( omg i'm getting distracted by actually watching these histories Bevel 10:54 pm ((same lol Bevel 10:56 pm ((and then Tara and Bevel learned Earth history from drunk humans the rest of the night? Tarantulas 10:56 pm (( sounds good lmao Bevel 10:57 pm ((Hamilton's torrid affair is the most important part of his story yep Bevel 10:58 pm ((aw yiss Edith Wilson

#chat

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leahwithanidea · 4 years

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15 Oct 2018 - THE FIRST EMAIL

Hello friends and fam!

I made it Pittsburgh last Wednesday evening and met the whole wave of other new missionaries who had just flown into Pittsburgh from the Missionary Training Center in Provo. I was the only one there who hadn't gone to the MTC so it was a little difficult to fit in. Lots of the missionaries there had been living in the dorms at the MTC together for 3 weeks already and knew each other pretty well. It was a lonely first day. I also met my Mission President, President Bednar and his wife! They are in charge of the 160ish (I don't know the exact number) of missionaries serving in the Pittsburgh mission. They make sure we are alright, fed, and learning as a missionary. They are the sweetest. For those of you who are wondering, yes, President Bednar is related to David A. Bednar. My mission president is David A. Bednar's nephew, although they are more like brothers because they are so close.

After that first day of meeting everyone and training, all the new missionaries stayed at the Mission Home (President and Sister Bednar's house) for the night. What a spacious estate full of air mattresses. The next morning, we piled into vans and went to the nearby church building where we were assigned our trainers (a more experienced missionary in our mission who has been serving their mission for a while) and our areas (where exactly within the mission boundaries we would be serving). I was assigned to be companions with Sister Smoot in the Towanda area! It was quite the doozy because the Towanda area is like the absolute farthest area in the mission from the city of Pittsburgh. It's on the very eastern side of the mission boundaries. After we were all paired up, we were off to our areas! For Sister Smoot and I, that meant we had a 6-hour drive ahead of us. YIKE. It was good though. Gave me much needed decompression time in the car and lots and lots of miles to get to know my new companion! She's from Utah (big surprise) and her parents are actually serving as Mission Presidents in Japan.

Driving from Pittsburgh to Towanda was basically a whole tour of the state of Pennsylvania so lucky me. The SUNSET as we drove was one of the most vibrant sunsets my eyes have ever looked upon. Of course pictures don't do it justice but I'll attach one anyway. It was like we were out running a wildfire. Gorgeous. God knew just what I needed after feeling so lonely the day before. Also, Sister Smoot and I share the same zest for life so we are pretty much the queens of optimism in this joint.

Our house (yes, HOUSE, not apartment building) is also the cutest. We live in a little red house on the banks of the Susquehanna River. I can literally see the river from the kitchen sink window. There are people living on the upstairs floor (I guess *technically* it's an apartment but let's just call it a house to make me feel better). We have a nice porch, a giant (and I mean giant) mudroom, a big kitchen, a bedroom, a living room, and a dining room which we use for studying. Everything in our house is significantly older than me. Like it feels like you just walked into a recreation of a civil war home that has been sorta renovated in the 70s. None of the doors shut without body slamming them, but at least we have a washer and a dryer (BLESS)!

The morning after we moved in, we got to work. 6:30am up and at em. The Towanda area is interesting because there haven't been Sister Missionaries here for 25 years! Everyone here knows about the Elders (guy missionaries) but a lot are surprised when they see us girls! The ward (congregation of members) has us Sister Missionaries AND a pair of Elders, which doesn't usually happen. Usually there's only one pair of missionaries assigned to a ward. We're the Elders reinforcements LOL. The ward here is super small. 30 people max. There are a few kids and almost zero youth. They don't even have a young men's program because there are no young men :o What a contrast from my ward back home where there are like 40 youth. The Towanda area is so big, so some of the members have a 45 minute drive to the church building every Sunday. Wowza that's dedication.

Towanda is so pretty. It's a borough tucked away in the hills of the Pennsylvania countryside along the river and it has so much history. It's getting cold here very fast and the leaves everywhere are starting to change color. Every day when we go out, I put on my puffy coat and cronch through leaves on the street (the sidewalks are so broken up and uneven and overgrown with grass that we don't even try to walk on them). Cronch cronch. There is a cute little historic downtown just down the road from where we live with some shops and a library and a post office. There are a few good grocery stores here so we get our foodstuffs alright.

Since we are the first Sisters here since forever, we have lots of work to do. Every night from 6pm-9pm we walk the neighborhoods and knock on people's doors. So far we have given out a good 6 copies of the Book of Mormon to people who were interested! It's always exciting when people want to learn more. There are a TON of churches around here so lots of people slam their doors on us. I find it funny that all of the ones who slam their doors on us believe in and follow Jesus Christ. We believe in and follow Jesus Christ too so for them to reject hearing a message about Him is weird to me. There was one nice lady who opened her door and talked to us, but just kept wanting to talk about Trump. Thank you ma'am for being so politically enthused, but we are here to talk about the Son of God. Another lady chased us off her (and her neighbor's) property and watched us walk all the way down the street from her car, headlights shining on us like a spotlight down the road, making sure we were gone for good. YIKE. According to the residents of Towanda, Towanda is not a safe place to be after dark, but so far I haven't seen anything sketchier than my hometown LOL. The scariest thing about Towanda is that the average age for kids to start smoking here is age 11, although I've seen 6-year-olds with cigarettes in their mouths. I can't even tell you how many times people have opened their doors to our knocking just to tell us You Know It's Not Really Safe For You Girls To Be Outside This Late. Yet, I have never felt in danger. God truly protects His missionaries (especially His Sister Missionaries). I feel it every day. It's hard work out here in good ole 'Wanda but we work hard. My least favorite thing is coming home at 9pm and realizing how much my feet actually hurt. You don't realize it much when you're outside walking and talking to people. My favorite thing is seeing all the cemeteries here. If you know me, you know I love cemeteries. They're pretty punk rock places because it's literally a field full of dead people but all the graves look so beautiful. Golden hour at cemeteries is my absolute favorite.

I miss home (and my Utah home) but Towanda and all its cold autumn air sets me on fire. What an adventure. Everything I do is on the Lord's time. Who can I help? Who needs me? Nothing about my time here as a missionary is about me. Our focus is always on Jesus Christ and sharing His gospel. Surprisingly, not being so concerned about myself makes me feel MORE MYSELF. That's wack. My days are filled with aching feet, red ears, numb nose, and sore knuckles, but so much smiling my cheeks hurt. There is no way the message we are sharing about the Restored Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, isnt the truth because otherwise I would feel miserable. Otherwise, I wouldn't and couldn't wake up at 6am every day and be working and on my feet until 9pm. There is just no way. I know Christ's true church has been restored on the earth and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, otherwise I would never have chosen to be a missionary. It is brave work and it takes all my courage and more, but it is so worth it. The peace, comfort, and absolute joy I feel from living the gospel is just too good not to share.

Sorry this email probably took you a million years to read, but I thought it would be nice to share the details because a lot of people don't know what missionaries actually DO or what it's like at the beginning. Just know that I am adjusting well to missionary life thanks to my lovely companion Sister Smoot!

Please don't send anything to the address may have sent you before because that is the address of the Mission Office which is 6 hours away. So I won't get anything sent there for another 6 or so weeks.

Love you guys to the moon and across the galaxy and back again a million times!

SISTER GAUSH

The flicks:

1. Me n Sister Smoot pre-6-hour-roadtrip

2. All the new missionaries and their trainers. Peep ya girl.

3. Sister Smoot's head and the SUNSET

4. LITTLE RED HOUSE

5. I Am Bad At Taking Selfies So She Did It

6. Ya girl! Featuring our recycling bins

7. Cemetery down the street from us at golden hour

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