#but never with the same skill level

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Who do you think are the most OP members of the FlashFam? I think it's difficult, the majority of them has almost the same powers.

Oh easy.

Wally, Bart and Barry.

I think we forget sometimes that the vast majority of the crazy feats of godlike powers we see from speedsters are coming from these three. Wally, Bart and Barry have insane connections to the speedforce and their skill level is unmatched. What these three can do is by no means normal or average. They are op as fuck.

You have to remember that even... let's say Max Mercury is nowhere even remotely near their skill level. And we're talking about Max Mercury. The guy who knows more about the speedforce than anyone else and trained for years to master it. But Max (although he was faster than Bart when Bart was a child) isn't on the same playing field as Wally, Bart and Barry. Max couldn't enter the speedforce without Bart's assistance, Max couldn't leave the speedforce without Barry and Wally's assistance, Max can't time travel to a destination of his own choice, Max can't speed steal or fully pause time, ect ect. Max is one of the most skilled, most knowledgeable, most trained and most respected speedsters of all time. Max is the cream of the crop. You won't find another speedster better than Max. He's a shining example of what's humanely possible for speedsters to achieve.

But Wally, Bart and Barry aren't humanely possible. Those three are insane.

I'm actually going to make a tier list to explain this

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE:

(AKA actually gods. Can do literally every speedster ability. Faster than literally everything. Beyond op.)

Wally West (now), Bart Allen, Barry Allen

TOP LEVEL OF SPEEDSTER ABILITY:

(AKA the top of the top. Insane skills. Insane knowledge. Insane speed. Likely has a vast amount of speedster abilities other than running. Likely faster than most other speedsters. Op af)

Max Mercury, Jay Garrick, Savitar, Eobard Thawne, Thad Thawne, Irey West (future)

ABOVE AVERAGE:

(AKA one of the following: above average speed, above average connection or above average abilities. Likely has one or two speedster abilities other than running. Slightly op but still beatable)

Irey West (now), August Heart, Edward Clariss, Jess Quick, Alinta (future), Hunter Zoloman (when connected), Lia Nelson, Jai West (future)

AVERAGE:

(AKA average connection, average speed, average abilities. Potentially an additional speedforce ability but no crazy speedforce abilities. Not op.)

Wally West (past), Ace West, Avery Ho, Jesse Chambers, Daniel West, Christina Alexandrova, Jenni Ognats, Jai West (now), John Fox, Red Death, Don Allen, Dawn Allen, Meena Dhawan, Anatole, David Edwards (after), Judy Garrick, Bar Torr, Fastbak, Swoosh, Terri Magnus, Sela Allen, Jonathan Allen, Carrie Allen, Barry West, S'Kidd Flash, Thondor Allen, Jace Allen, Blaire Allen, Nora Allen, Agent Flashling, Danica Williams, Cherub

TRIES REALLY HARD:

(AKA normal connection but below average speed and abilities. Extremely beatable.)

Baroness Blitzkrieg, Johnny Chambers, Bebeck, Cassiopeia, Harold Christos, Inertia 2, Killspeed, Mayfly, Millie Heyday, Runaround Sue, Wind, Pellmell, Poprocket, Velocity, Gabriella Rossetti

OH NO:

(AKA needs outside assistance to access speedforce (suit, drugs, formula), faulty connection, connection is killing them, can only access powers for short periods of time, ect)

Jai West (past), Alinta (now), Owen Mercer, Eliza Harmon, Jerry McGee, Meloni Thawne (*see notes), Gregor Gregorovich, Boleslaw Uminski, Joanie Swift, Mas, Menos, David Edwards (previously), Keigo, Ezra Gill, Henry Cosgei, Jaculi, Jaculi 2, Jimmy Olsen, Xane Swift

So yeah, as you can see by this, although all speedsters with a functioning speedforce connection are technically capable of being op, speedsters rarely actually are op.

We're just really used to op speedsters because we're used to whatever the fuck Wally, Bart and Barry have going on. But they are very much not representative of speedsters as a whole.

Do you guys remember how fast Wally used to be? When he was younger and struggling with his speed and stuff? THAT'S THE GODDAMN AVERAGE. Wally AT HIS SLOWEST was still faster than every single goddamn speedster he came across, including Jay, Johnny, Jesse, the Blue Trinity, the Red Trinity, ect. HE JUST WASN'T FASTER THAN BARRY OR EOBARD SO HE THOUGHT HE WAS THE WORST. Because Wally is fucking insane. He's an insane human being. Anyway, Wally at his slowest is the typical representation of an average speedster. That's how they typically are.

#dc #dc comics #speedsters #speedforce #flash fam #ranking #k to explain some things. first none of the names are ranked by order. so I'm not ranking them 1 Wally 2 Bart ect #they're only ranked by category. not ranked within the categories #Irey isn't in the insane category because she's actually not supposed to be faster than Wally. she's just more skilled than him #so shes good (like really good) but she doesn't surpass her fathers speed. so im putting her in top until proven otherwise #lia is in above average despite not having super speed because the stuff she has going on is INSANE #the same thing applies to Jai #Meloni is in oh no because she is technically a speedster?? she's just never used her powers in a comic? but she's listed in universe as #being a speedster and Owen inherited his speed from her. so. idk. my only conclusion is that she doesn't know how to use her speed #or she doesn't use it to spite her father. #mas y menos are in oh no because they need to hold hands to access their powers #oh and Hunter's ranking is soley off of his speedforce connection. not his time powers. Hunter's time powers are insane #i tried to stay main universe but i couldn't resist putting in some alt universe speedsters #oh and Eobard and Thad aren't in the god level because Eobard has been reset meaning that he isn't really timeless like Wally and Bart are #and hes not literally the speedforce like Barry is (no matter how hard he tries) #and Thad isn't there because... well he was a good match for Bart when Bart was really little. but i don't really think Thad is any more #like... even remotely. Bart has surpassed Thad by a lot. #Bart was literally the speedforce at one point. hes insane #also Hunter WAS a god? but for unrelated reasons (his time powers) but getting connected to the speedforce nerfed him

[writeouswriter]

Comedy is not inherently a lesser form than tragedy; why are you pitting two bad bitches against each other?? They're equals! They're besties! They're lovers!

#tragicomedy #ignore me i'm just feeling feelings over things (again) #i made a similar post already but aaaahhhhhh #tragedy #comedy #writing #writer things #genuinely some people have no appreciation for the work or detail put into comedic projects #as if they can have no meaning or skill involved #like an actor's only seen for their talent once they've done a big drama for example... but that same talent's been shining through #for years in a comedy to anyone that's bothered to notice #or comedy never getting recognized for the levels of detail they put in because they're seen as inferior or pointless by default #i'm thinking of very specific scenarios i won't name but like it's so prevalent everywhere

[moe-broey]

One thing they don't tell you about the Senshi tulpa that WILL inevitably manifest in your mind to tell you to eat better is that. Every time I make myself a coffee via kuerig instantly, I can hear him. Lamenting the fact that I have become so accustomed to convenience and ease that even a standard coffee machine has become foreign to me. I am thinking about how to make coffee without use of a machine in the first place, I am wondering where my french press went, I can see him. In my mind. Showing me how to make coffee in The Dungeon. Dungeon Coffee.

#dungeon meshi #i'll allow this one to be set free into the wild. i think the world needs to know. #i really love senshi's character too how like. it's easy to feel guilty too if you aren't doing something 'the right way' #and despite him being very set in his ways he manages to alleviate that specific guilt #just by being senshi about it. i have never wanted to learn how to cook. too much work/too many steps #i like instant/ease bc that means i can devote myself completely to the things i AM passionate about #but senshi will manifest in your mind to tell you. you need nourishment to do that #he is just as passionate and detailed about it as i am my art. all i ever want to do is art. esp traditional art #which i think almost feels similar. to magic (digital) vs non-magic (traditional mediums) #each takes a very specific set of skills. one 'feels' easier than the other but a lot Does go into it (digital) #and there is an ease of access esp sharing wise. but i am autistic about the medium itself #yes sometimes i have to wait a day to even share my stuff cause the sun went down #yes there's less ways you can take shortcuts. you have to do Everything by hand #but that's what i love about it. espppp blending my pencils. #but going back i do not have that same level of interest (not even NEARLY) for anything that Isn't related to art #it's like. i really don't WANT to .... but senshi ...... makes me think about it. #senshi

[valravn72]

I’ve been playing a lot of small indie games and god I wish the rest of the game industry understood that the whole point of farming and grinding is so that in some point of the journey the player can go HAHAHA I PLANNED FOR THIS and pull off crazy crap earlier than they should be able to. Like Teenage Exocolonist letting me just walk past all the checks when I’m outside the colony and go to the boss immediately because I farmed the fuck out of my perception skill should technically be game ruining but it’s not. I planned for this so I could get the ascension ending easily while simultaneously putting the rest of my effort into figuring out as much about engineering as possible at the same time so I can pull off a full shield run. Having advantages in certain contexts should allow me to interact with it in a way that opens an entirely new path for me to take. Poisoning the campfire survivors at the very beginning of my Inscryption run lets me take a route where I focus on building up the cards I already have instead of hunting down new ones. Advantages are good!! Grinding so you’re high enough level to beat one boss only for the rest of the game to balance itself by making everything else many levels higher than you once again is unrewarding. If your player cannot face your game from multiple angles then maybe it’s not that worth exploring. If your player over relies on an ability they spent a long time working up and they’ve made the game too easy make it so that steers them into a new situation where they have to innovate on their strategy to get things going again. Just hand me a game like Inscryption where I farm the whole game with fecundity decks and then get to Kaycee’s Mod and realize I have to relearn the whole game from a completely new perspective now that I can’t rely on that anymore. If it’s just a matter of “the numbers are too high we have to turn all the other numbers up too” then do the numbers really mean anything anymore or are you just keeping me stuck in a role where I’m saying to myself “once I have the advantage I’ll be able to explore so many new things” but then never letting me have any advantage until near the end when the world has lost its charm because everything is just a damn numbers game.

#Crow rants #again #idk what to tag this I’m just saying shit man #uhh #i was a teenage exocolonist #a rare game that understands the value of having skill stats #I can go on a long rant about how I’ve never seen any other game pull skill stats off that well #the system has its flaws but they balanced the whole advantage thing AND time loop replay advantages at the same time #and they make skills connected to certain plot lines and jobs and other skills #it’s amazing #good example of making grinding fun and not soul sucking #not to mention how they manage to make them work with role playing!! #the players ability to make clever choices still has value while also giving the skill levels value simultaneously #that is a HARD thing to pull off believe me

[writterings]

tiktok cringe comps are literally just *a fat person does the exact same thing that a skinny tiktoker does* *someone does something and their background shows that they don't have an upper class development house* *a disabled person does the exact same thing as a non-disabled person* *someone who doesn't fit society's beauty standards does anything* *teenage cosplayers having fun* *someone does something literally everyone else does but doesn't have as good video editing skills*

#like the double standards #i don't even have tiktok i just stumbled across an ig page that posts tiktok ' #'cringe' and gave it a curious scroll #the makeup ones are like....you are literally only calling this cringe bc the person is fat. i have seen skinny ppl do the exact same thing #at the exact same skill level and they are never on this type of page

[s2pdoktopus]

From @tamanone's fic "saudade" because I have this sketched out for a while now and I wanted to draw a sad Tatsuma.

#I wanted to draw a scene but angst really isn't my forte XD and the part that I want to draw is long. I should learn to pick my battles #i have some stuff sketched out ... but what's in imagination and my skills are not on the same level lol #just some quick thingy thingy. #gintama #SakaTaka #not tagging the characters because the poor people following the characters' tags XD would see my stupid art again #Takasugi so mean! then he turns around and says 'you need to get better means of protecting yourself. here.' #king of mixed messages. honestly I'm not surprised Tatsuma's just resigned to never understanding him.

[darkfrog24]

When Ken shows up in the real world, he’s bombarded by imaging that says men rule society. He finds that just being an adult male + showing up gets him some level of respect and admiration. Only when he tries to participate with any depth does he find out that no it’s not enough to be a man; he has to be an accomplished man. The movie stops short of saying it, but he’d have to become more like a Barbie to be the kind of man he wants to be.

Instead, he retreats. The world tells him “no,” so he absorbs toxic literature and takes it back to other naive boys. He glosses over the role his own lack of skills, education, and substance played in his failure, and he creates an imaginary patriarchy based on hollow performances.

#Barbie #Barbie 2023 #Barbie movie spoilers #spoilers #Barbie movie #incels #I can't believe I'm saying this but that was a positive portrayal of patriarchy #it's not enough to be a man; he has to be an ACCOMPLISHED man #and it put working class skills on the same level as doctors and execs #I think they missed an opportunity in that they didn't show that all emotions other than anger were banned in Kendom #or other ways that patriarchy hurts men #but the fact that Alan was uncomfortable there did work #because patriarchy never serves ALL men #some are put at the bottom by default #original posts #this is where my brain went #AND THAT'S NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT HOW KEN HAD TO GET OVER WANTING BARBIE'S ATTENTION #reviving laertes #kenough

[insanityisdivine]

No one has EVER

looked as good as Ace does in pure silver star makeup. This makeup was designed to good on him and him ALONE, I swear

He even go that nose contour too to look SNATCHED

#kiss #mykissposts #ace frehley #space ace #spaceman #you don't have the skill to look this good honnnayyyy. You will never achieve this level of CUNTery! #thee SLAYage of it all! #I think you gotta have the same features as him or the math ain't mathing lol #also notices the lines on his nose are different before he “refined” the look later on #boring tidbit: For my KISS concert makeup #I didn't use white face paint. Just the stars

[tidal-wayes]

a little zine thing ive been working on about the struggle to find your voice and improve as an artist

i was planning to add another couple pages but its been a few weeks since i last worked on it, so i wanted to just throw it out there as is. maybe ill come back to it to make some additions another time

#furry #artists on tumblr #artwork #zine #multimedia #my art #its about never feeling like i can catch up to the people around me in skill level/art quality #and feeling like im constantly chasing an ambiguous idea of improvement and growth as an artist #making things tht im proud of but at the same time being very conscious of the gap between what i make and the art of other people around m #that i like or look up to #when will i feel that my art has reached the point where its worth something? #when will i reach the point where people are interested in it or where i think its good enough to be worth selling? #what quality or level of skill makes the difference? where is the tipping point that determines it? #i dont think ill ever know or even that its something thats knowable at all in the first place but for now ill keep doing my thing i guess #i wanted to do it collage bc i like collage and also i felt it lended to the idea of trying to use the work of others as a jumping off poin #or frame of reference

[clonememesfrikyeah]

You know what would be the worst? If at the end of the war when all is said and done, after the clones lost every little thing they had, after Vaders rise and the Jedi’s fall, after all that death and hardship and misery? It would be terrible to be a clone and wake up like suddenly coming out of a coma, in a stasis chamber that they grew up in and rarely left, there was the craziest dream just before and there’s the lingering feeling something important just happened, this is Kamino 35bby, all the information they were just fed is already neatly stored in their perfect flash-memory brain. No ones died yet, all of that was a simulation based on a calculation of events to instal orders and hone the discipline of troops. It’s dark, there’s no way of telling if anyone or anything exists beyond the boundary’s of the inside. There’s a designated call sign and designation along with vitals displayed in the line of vision, it’s also counting down the seconds to when a new simulation is set to begin.

#as like a fanfic idea tho #how high am I? this high: #it’s like a matrix kind of deal #because even though the body is under the conscious mind is awake and active fully living years of time in minutes #and they’d be grown and raised in the tubes they were made in #never leaving until peak physical maturity has been achieved and there let out to learn physical skills #like building muscle and reflexes and social interaction and all that #imagine the new level of fucked up that would be #the clones would be robbed of literally everything #it’s also like everything everywhere all at once #the clones neural pathways and connected through wires so they get the same brain response they normally would when normally interacting #WTF am I even talking about no one is going to care about this this is random nonsense #tcw #the clone wars #Designation CT-7567 Call sign R-E-X slated rank Captain track 406 group 501 #and the entire war is one big simulation #only the prequels are cannon and everything is Freeform for all #so the clones lived a different war every couple minutes while in hyper growth tubes for 5 years so they learned from so many mistakes #this is me making the clones spartan like in an attempt to make them immortal because they would be the perfect weapon and person #imagine how crazy smart and unshakable they would be #clone troopers #the clones #captain rex #commander fox #commander wolffe #the prequel trilogy #arc trooper #star wars legends #the clone wars 2003 #rep com

[tsukasageorge]

Day 18: Character Design/Ref

remember my magical girl oc named kyrie? yeah i have another one

oh my god this gave me so much trouble for literally no reason. i liked this design when i initially sketched it out but drawing it again made me kind of hate it?????? i literally have no idea whats going on in this design and also their face looks wrong but its okay bc its done now

~2hr 15min???

#raey draws #xchallenge #raey oc #'it doesnt have to be good it just has to be done' is probably the best mindset you can have as an artist imo #cause if you're an artist you'll probably never be Good. and i dont mean that in a bad way #your art will always be beautiful and have value no matter what. what i mean is like #you will almost always have higher expectations for yourself than you can realistically achieve no matter what your skill level is #and on one hand that's good bc it pushes you to keep going and keep improving #but it's also really really discouraging because your expectations grow With your art skills and sometimes it feels like you'll never be #An 'Actually Good' Artist #basically what im trying to say is. you have to make bad art. its literally impossible for you to only make good art. #making bad art is whats gonna make you able to make good art #anyways since this gave me so much trouble im going to talk a little about kye as a treat #their real name is kyrie but since they're already besties with a different person named kyrie everyone calls them kye #(everyone actually calls them jorts) #kye does own pants that are not jorts. HOWEVER they are committed to an incredibly stupid bit #and will refuse to wear anything but jorts when in front of other people #kye saturn and kyrie are all best friends (plus mac but its gonna be 5 years before i design him) #kye and kyrie are gym bros and have some deep soulful bond that transcends time or whatever (they have the same name) #kye and saturn are the 'cant stand her fake ass!! 10 mins later: me and the bestie' meme #kye and mac are not really Best Friends outside of their friend group but they kind of understand each other on some deep subconscious leve #cause they had similar childhoods + cause of death #ok thats it bye

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Someone was talking about how tailoring and embroidery are two different skills, and I keep thinking about a Tav who thinks they're the same bringing a bunch of fabric and thread to Astarion hoping he can bibbity-bobbity-gay-hands magic a dress, but instead of a gorgeous gown, they end up with an abomination that would scandalize any seamstress and make any designer faint

#bat rambles #i actually dont think he'd be able to do pattern drafting #i could see him being able to do hand tailoring and minor mods #but complex pattern drafting? #there is a lot of technical skill involved in patterning and you need the numbers right #plus the materials and space to practice and do mockups #and like you dont HAVE to #but you still need a fairly large space to work in for sewing vs embroidery #plus designing is an entirely different ballgame #i think he'd be excellent at designing within his taste #that being said i do think he could make a tunic and smaller things like that but not at the same skill level as embroidering #plus caz had to make sure they had basics to perform the function he made them for #whether or not those items are attractive / in good condition is of no concern to him #caz as that parent that provides the bare minimum and is like )))): but i never beat you with a belt like my parents did !!! #meanwhile his children are starving and probably have had pneumonia for the last century

[monstersqueen]

anyway though. about ango and betrayal, since metas and reactions depends more and more on treating it as fact

????

if what happened in dark era was that it seemed like ango joined mimic but in fact he was spying on them for the mafia and the reveals stopped there

no one would say ango betrayed mimic

given that what he was doing in the mafia for the special division IS what he was doing in mimic for the mafia, we shouldn't say he betrayed the mafia either

moreover, the current special ability division betrayal isn't on either; given the situation, the special ability division has been taken over by its own enemy - or at least ango has cause to think so. he's still acting as a special ability division, just independently/outside of orders

----------

there's a truth to this idea that ango has betrayed every organisation though. it's that he betrayed his friends. that is a lot more difficult to explain, but for everyone involved - ango included - it does count as a betrayal

plus the fact that we the readers/viewers are constantly misled as to which organisation ango belongs to 'oh he's a mafia member - wait no he sold the mafia to mimic - oh no he IS a mafia member - WAIT WHAT HE WORKS FOR THE GOVERNMENT' and 'of COURSE he's a government agent the seventh division IS a government agency - oh actually he is working with dazai ???' i get why it's popular

but ango is not actually a chronic backstabber, there's just no reason to assume we actually KNOW what he truly is loyal to

especially since. as i said previously. he DID betray the special ability agency way back in dark era :p

#myposts #...yeah i'm going to rewatch the break up scene now... #bsd march 2023 not lb #sakaguchi ango #sakaguchi ango (bsd) #also. from the inside. i don't doubt ango consider some of those actual betrayal #just because the other items in his dislikes list are all-nighters and working overtime which we KNOW he does all the time #it makes sense betrayal is ALSO something he does regularly #which. given. (let me dig up the ango quote i use ALL THE TIME) #'Dazai¸ Odasaku #I am no different. As part of an underground organization whose duties must be kept secret¸ as a skill user who hunts other skill users¸ #I have been engulfed in the darkness of the government for too long. I shall never walk in the light again.' #MAKES A TON OF SENSE #but if we're going to consider it all betrayal of the same level #then i wish more time could be spent thinking about ango's time in mimic #because if it's all betrayal and ango dislikes betrayal #(and consider the core of his work 'a skill user who hunts other skill users' to be betrayal) #then he must have disliked bringing mimic to ruin not just because it killed odasaku #and so. did he feel sympathy for their tragedy? or understanding for their goals ? did he make friends there too ? #LIKE. WHAT WAS MIMIC LIKE FOR ANGO #anyway this was my monthly ango rant.

[daz4i]

i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,

#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better #and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐 #(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think) #but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day #despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔 #+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level #again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know #and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am #other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭 #and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more #(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count) #(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum) #(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use) #(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years) #this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍 #vent #negative // #ask to tag #sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months #(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^) #edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere #i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers #and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too #but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little #i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that

[gurorori]

im so so sad i wish i could be an adult

#does anyone else get terrified of the fact they will never be an adult and adequately perform adulthood in any capacity #it might be subjective but i know i can't. everyone around us can without question but the moment i try my brain fails #im terrified of doing anything to escape this household bc i will be all on omy own #and i know i can't do that i will not survive but i have no choice and no support system i have NO ONE to rely on i have no outside contact #im so so scared. i was not taught any of the life skills and ilack the capacity to think or act like an adult and i know it's not something #i can acquire at all because everyone did by now. everyone did i wish i wasnt perpetually left behind and flailing trying to stay afloat #i hate everyone around me who set us up for failure i hate them for not being able to provide me at least the care and support i need #if i can hold down a job and that's very very questionable i will at least be happy with myself. that's something. #it's scary and so alienating snd i wouldn't wish it upon anyone i just can't function on the same level #something tells me it's okay bc normal brains supposedly don't finish developing til 25 but this is not considering developmental disability #but im so scared of being seen as incompetent and unserious and unreliable when we're already in our twenties #i wish someone could relate #maybe it's something to do with my source too as a system but i still genuinely feel like not a single thing changed since our teens i feel #so stuck and so stunted #i am nothing. perhaps. #vent #? idont even knoe

[nomaishuttle]

btw controversial but fuckk ptsd dude yohre telling me judt bc my parents shouldnt ever have been parents now i have to be fucked up for the rest of my life .

#i know like..coping mechanisms and ris8ng above and learning to live with it but like its fucking stupid and unfair bc im never gonna stop #having ptsd yk. my episodes might get less frequent i might build happier memories but jm always gonna have these memory blocks and trigger #s and nightmares like. forever. im never gonna get to have had a normal childhood thats the most fuckedbup thing ever #like ik this is whiny but like. why. why me what did i do to deserve that childhood. not that any kid deserves abusive childhoods obviously #it sounds like im like ermmm there r wayyy worse kids who shouldve been the ones to go to the zoo 💀 but like ykwim. why does #thus have to happen to so many ppl i hate it i hate it. i wish i could just Actually forget everything instead of just like. not rly #remembering it but Knowing it..yk. i know everything that happened to me even if its all blocked out #and i still feel like. the effects of it even the stuff thats jncredibly hazy to me. and jm never not gojng to feel that. my personality hs #literally been fucking shaped by the childhood i have and like. yes you can 'change' your personality a bit and your choices blah blah blah #but like. even with that. im still always gonna be like. my first impulse will always be distrust and doubt and fear. even if i train #myself not to Act on those emotions i still will always feel them. im always going to expect people to leave even if they dont even if i #dont let myself push them away its something im always going to be terrified of in the back of my mind. im never gojng to have #proper social skills bc i fully missed out on that stage of development im never going to be like. at the same level as my peers bc i #missed out on those skills. sigh. ik ik ik feeljng inhuman and feeljng different from everybody else is a jniversal thing but i truly think #im like. im missing something that everybody else seems to have and i dont even know what it is but i know i dont have it and everyone #can tell j dont have it and it fucking. sucks . basically